Several years ago, there came a day when I realised that I was just going round and round in circles in my life, and for all my ‘doing’ and ‘searching’, nothing ever changed. I had not improved or bettered myself, because that was the belief I held: I had to do better, I had to improve myself, I had to push, I had to do, do, do. It was this belief that kept me feeling that I was not enough as I was, and kept me in the search of looking outside of myself for the answers.
It was at this time that I had the good fortune to meet Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. For the first time ever, I felt the truth in my body of what he was presenting; that is, I felt that everything presented I already knew on some level but had not as yet integrated into my life. What struck me the most was that there was another way to live life and that I was enough exactly as I was, as everything I needed was inside me. This had a profound effect on me.
Pleasures of MY life – Making the Choice to Stop ‘Doing’
Slowly, I made the choice to stop ‘doing’ and ‘searching’. I began to look at all aspects of my life, and the various activities I was ‘doing’, which included:
- Eating sugar and comfort foods – including gluten and dairy rich foods
- Attending 5 day a week intensive yoga programs
- Reading self-improvement and science fiction books
- Watching lots of TV
- Drinking Coffee.
I used to regard all these things as my pleasures in life that I would look forward to, spent a lot of money on and which took up all of my time. I came to realise they were all distractions as they all kept me in the ‘doing’ and kept me from the knowing inside that I was enough. With this new awareness, my ‘pleasures in life’ started to fall away one by one.
I took a break from yoga and meditation for a few weeks and never went back. Much later the awareness came that for all the yoga classes I took, I did not feel any more contentment or a deeper connection with myself. I still needed chocolate and lots of other stimulating foods which I was using to supplement my lack of energy and vitality. I realised that yoga was providing me with temporary relief from how constantly tired my body actually was, but not actually changing anything.
Similar to the yoga, I took a break from books and in particular, buying self-help books hoping to find the answers in these books of how to improve myself. Eventually, I put them all out. With the extra time I now had, I started to keep and write my own journal of experiences, realisations and insights which I’ve come to realise are so much more enriching and nourishing.
One such realisation was how I completely ignored the messages from my body when I was tired and needed to go to bed, yet I would stay up late watching TV and then feel exhausted in the morning. I now go to bed when I am tired and feel completely rested the next morning. Going to bed early had other positive impacts; I saw I was less emotional and this also reduced the need for the stimulants and distractions I was using to get me through my day. For instance, after some time on decaf coffee, I no longer felt the need to drink it.
Likewise with sugar and all foods I used for comfort – for example, cakes, biscuits, desserts, yoghurt, chocolate, bread, rolls, croissants. When I tried to give these up, I found it very challenging; I came to realise that I was addicted to sugar and that this had been one of my main pleasures in life. I had used sugar as a ‘feel good crutch’ and to numb myself from not feeling and dealing with the areas in my life that were not working. It was a slow process – it took two years to go sugar free – but well worth it.
Reconnecting To My True Self
Today I no longer feel heavy, dull, bloated and exhausted due to eliminating sugar and all comfort foods from my diet, along with the other changes I made. I lost weight, without going on a diet; my body feels lighter and clearer and I have much more energy, contentment, and joy for life.
This joy in my body helps me feel how sweet and gorgeous I truly am because I have reconnected to my inner beauty and stillness, which was always there, but before I was not able to connect to as ‘my pleasures in life’ kept me distracted from my true self.
I now have a deeper connection with my body as I have learned to respect and honour it with a new awareness that all my choices affect my body in some way or another.
The Gentle Breath Meditation
I have found great support in the gentle breath meditation, a five minute technique from Serge Benhayon that helps me re-connect back to myself: this is true quality time with myself which helps me feel that I am enough exactly who I am and that everything I need is inside me.
With this knowing I can therefore just ‘be’ who I truly am; no more ‘doing’, searching or improving myself as that belief no longer holds true. With that old belief, and many more cleared from my body, I gained the awareness that what I was searching for has always been within me, in my inner heart.
All my pleasures in life and distractions kept the door closed to my inner heart; my true home where my truth resides, where my stillness, innocence and beauty and love reside and also where true inner peace and joy is to be found.
Being and Connecting to my true self And Feeling Myself From the Inside out Is The Greatest True Pleasure in Life.
Deeply Inspired by the presentations and courses of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
By Jacqueline McFadden – Scotland