I could never work out why diets don’t work for me – and neither does tidying up. Isn’t it funny how we try to be perfect? And how much we don’t like the way we are or the way we live and are constantly striving to be better?
I was overweight for years – unhappy with just about everything but numbing it with eating, eating, and more eating. I tried diets that didn’t work and went to weight watchers’ classes time after time but the weight always came back.
The problem was, dieting and losing weight in that way was a discipline, something I felt I HAD to do and therefore as soon as it became a struggle I would give up. It is only in recent years as I am accepting myself more that I have begun to feel my body and honour how it feels, choosing only to eat foods that support me. Amazingly, my body has returned to its true and natural weight – with virtually no effort at all, and without the need for dieting.
The same issue of self-acceptance arose with tidying up my workspace and my home. I’d have a big event coming up with visitors and tidy, tidy, tidy. Tidying up would look great but really that was just on the surface. There would be things stuffed into a drawer or cupboard out of sight, and eventually, like the weight going back on, the mess would creep back in.
I realised I was approaching dieting and tidying up in the same way… wanting the end result to be different by how it would look to others and reflect positively on me, but I wasn’t approaching dieting and tidying up as a loving gesture to help support myself.
In recent years I have begun to make better choices and I am learning there is another way for me to be.
I am learning to truly accept myself, for in truth I am a beautiful, tender woman who has much to express in the world, and in honouring that, I am naturally feeling to eat in ways that support my body in wellness: and as for tidying up, it is something I naturally want to do.
There is still a lot to clear and I am tackling small areas at a time, but as I clear more clutter, my vitality and energy increase… it is truly a reflection of how I am living my life.
I now choose to take time to put things away. It is not a case of tidying up to feel better or for my home to look better for others, but accepting myself first then the tidying up happens because I want to create a space that is nurturing and supportive for ME… the two go together. The same goes for how I now approach food – not eating to lose weight but eating in a way that naturally supports my body. In doing this, my body has lost the extra weight I was carrying and has returned to its natural shape and size. I now feel vital and healthy.
Thanks to the inspiring presentations of Serge Benhayon and the Universal Medicine Practitioners, whom I have known since 2005, my whole life has turned around. I am learning to be more accepting of myself, and to acknowledge how far I have come. I am learning to enjoy being me in every moment.
By Carmel Reid, BEng DMS CertEd MCMI, Frome Somerset
890 thoughts on “Why Diets don’t Work – and Neither does Tidying Up”
It was great to read this blog again after a recent move to a new home. and there were boxes everywhere. I remember someone mentioning to attend to one room at a time. What I found that I could not do, but it was one box at a time and it was the box I was drawn to. Once it was emptied I was left with a different feeling, a contrast to moving in the past where I have become distressed with the thought of cleaning, tidying up or even moving.
I took away the expectations and the stresses imposed upon by others and this time round, I was not hesitant to ask others for support.
My way of thinking has changed because of the way I live and it is with gratitude to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine too that have inspired me, that there is another way to live.
Carmel diets were a big thing for me growing up, always on one then not. At the same time exercising so hard to keep off the weight, yet I had no weight to loose. I had a body image issue needing to look a certain way because inside of me I was never happy.
Tidying up was worse and I can honestly say is still a problem. You have highlighted something, ‘approaching dieting and tidying up as a loving gesture to help support myself’, that is a clanger of a statement for me and what a revelation. An angle I need to observe more and more.
So it isn’t about the end results, it is more about how you are left feeling and that is the most important factor then it looking pretty for someone else. Who are we doing what we are doing, for?…
From experience when it has come from the mind about tidying or food or anything it just doesn’t work … has no foundation to last but when it comes from my body its a completely different experience and when listened to provides a new foundation for me to live from ❤️ .. a continual learning process for me ✨
Vicky you are so correct, the mind brings in things about how and what it needs to look like, whilst the body IS a different experience. It is a re-learning and purposefully set up as we receive more intelligence from the body then the mind. A revelations and a clanger for many to fathom.
This foundation is key, because once this foundation is laid, then nothing less can be allowed. And if it does enter, it is very much felt and it leaves me pondering as to when I have dropped the ball. An evolving and refining process too.
There is that whole idea that something doesn’t matter as others won’t see it, like having an untidy room because no one goes in there, versus feeling how our environment affects us and wanting to keep things tidy and clean because of the impact on us. There is actually a huge consciousness around our homes, similar in a sense to body image and weight, we may tie our worth to how clean our home is – or isn’t, i.e., low self worth, and relate it to how others see us and the recognition or judgment we receive, another image we have to keep up with, instead of it being an expression of our own self love. Even greater again is realising the impact the space of our home has on our surroundings energetically, ie, our neighbours and the greater community, even if they don’t visit our home is emanating a quality, and broader still the effect on the ocean of energy we live in on planet earth… and the greater surrounds of the universe. We can see how love, responsibility and interdependence go together, including the humble task of cleaning our homes. Everything matters in a world of energy.
Thank you Carmel for sharing so honestly your experience and what a difference it has made for you. These simple lived experiences have the power to inspire another to shift simple every day things that then allow them to live more of life and claim back more of their natural spunk and vitality just like you have done 100 fold!
When we see things as a chore or choose to do things to please others or to look ‘good’ then there is no lasting enjoyment and true feeling of satisfaction that stays with us. But when we see it truly for the space and the holding that is created when we naturally seek to have things in harmony then we feel revitalised and loved up by this.
Carmel, this line really jumped out at me and I love it as it really says it all: “I now choose to take time to put things away. It is not a case of tidying up to feel better or for my home to look better for others, but accepting myself first then the tidying up happens because I want to create a space that is nurturing and supportive for ME… the two go together.”
“It is only in recent years as I am accepting myself more that I have begun to feel my body and honour how it feels, choosing only to eat foods that support me. Amazingly, my body has returned to its true and natural weight – with virtually no effort at all, and without the need for dieting.” I love re-reading this Carmel. The struggle so many have with their weight – the yoyo effect of dieting and the beating oneself up for not losing the pounds – compounds the issue far more.
This is a very power-full blog if we clock its potential – that we have an opportunity to accept ourselves and from there choose to nurture that, rather than try to change ourselves into whatever we feel the world will accept and love which just fills our body with poison.
Beautifully said Lucy – accept and love up ourselves rather than try to fit into a box for others to love instead.
Carmel I really appreciate reading this again, it’s very common sense and has supported me to look again at my relationship with my home. For me eating for my body totally changed how I viewed my body image and wellbeing, it went from needing to fit an image (dieting and being careful with what I ate for my weight) to wanting to love and support my body. I can’t say I’ve made that same transition with my home yet, to it being something I take care of because I love me, although aspects of that are there, but I can see many areas to work on, thank you…. a loving work in progress.
This is an inspiring blog, and great to know the more we clear the clutter, how this supports our vitality, and energy, and so much more, ‘There is still a lot to clear and I am tackling small areas at a time, but as I clear more clutter, my vitality and energy increase… it is truly a reflection of how I am living my life.’
Could it be that we have an energetic responsibility to live in a way that is divine and then everything else comes to us as we accept we are more than a physical vessel, which is the appreciation of who we are or True-appreciative-ness.
“the mess would creep back in” until we understand and change the underlying cause, our habits and patterns keep repeating.
Yes and that is where diets don’t work or support us – we just paint over the cracks but the cracks are still there.
Putting things away and back to where it belongs to is part of completion; it offers space for what is next.
Absolutely Fumiyo, and completion is a lived quality of the appreciative-ness of our connection ,rather than being one of our physicality.
“… as I clear more clutter, my vitality and energy increase… it is truly a reflection of how I am living my life.” I love this. keeping on top of the everyday things let alone the clutter that accumulates feels amazing once cleared.
Tidying up and decluttering when I feel the impulse always results in me feeling clearer in myself. And the reverse is true too. When I feel great and clear in my body inside I want to have my environment more loving and clear also.
“The problem was, dieting and losing weight in that way was a discipline, something I felt I HAD to do…..” Discipline really doesn’t work. I changed my diet – for many years – through discipline. But last year it all fell apart. I am now listening to what my body is telling me to eat.
When we end up doing things like dieting, tidying or anything for that matter, with the intension for what it will look like to others we are already on the losing streak. However, if we do it for ourselves as the prime motivator then success is almost guaranteed.
Maybe it becomes more important to live our lives simply and full of True expression that shares a decency and respect for everyone equally than what we put into our mouth?
As unrelated as certain behaviours may appear, they often have the same underlying cause. You have explained perfectly how similar your dieting and tidying were. Both have changed just by adding extra care for yourself to the mix.
There are some great comments emerging here that is taking my understanding of this subject to new levels. I particularly like Elaine Arthey’s comment regarding tidying things on the inside, and how that affects our energy overall. Cleaning with purpose is simple when our purpose is to make sure the energy of the place we are living in supports us, and the same with eating to maximise our body’s health and sensitivity so that we can live with more vitality and we can read situations in more depth.
Do we live to eat OR do we eat to live and feel, and hence bring that all that we are from?
The intention behind whatever is done [dieting, tidying up] is always the greatest revealer into how we are living life and what is directing us in it.
Intention makes all the difference to whether we feel complete and contented after doing something or if things just look good on the outside. Dieting because you hate the way you look is never going to produce wellbeing. Tidying to keep up appearances feels empty compared to tidying to clear and lighten your home.
So true Fiona. The intention makes a huge difference. Some really ‘tidy’ homes can feel empty in contrast to one that feels loved and lived in.
The locked in mentality to dieting can be brutal, I know because I did it for years. When I first learned that dieting was a waste of time and I dropped it, there was such a sense of relief for having let that go. It took another four years of changing the way I eat and living differently before my weight started to come off. Then it did and I’ve stabilised now at nice weight for me. It didn’t matter to me that it took four years because I was feeling so much healthier in myself and I just knew the weight would go in its own time.
It’s fascinating how doing things from our head, from ‘because that is how we should be’s’, it’s not sustainable because it doesn’t come from our body and often from a reaction to how we are with life. When we feel this reaction we can then instead look at what we are feeling and adjusting from there instead of going in our head and how it should be.
It’s not necessarily what it looks like on the outside that counts. In fact when things are ordered inside, like inside the cupboards or chest of drawers, wardrobes, whatever although we can’t see that from the outside we can feel it and the house has a much more spacious and welcoming feel. It leaves us alone. Wheres when there is a lot of disorder it weighs heavy on us either consciously or unconsciously.
Our body has a great flow and order…and so this is how we are naturally designed to live. Connect and listen to our body and we are our own amazing teacher.
It is the intention behind what I/we do that either makes it a chore or a loving supportive gesture. I find this applies to every area of my life.
Agreed Victoria, and True expression is always a loving “supportive gesture” that is far more empowering than any way of eating”
Thank you Carmel this blog is music to my ears, I really can feel a strong impulse to bring more order to my home and life in general, this not only supports me it also allows me to be in greater purpose with everything I do.
We have made life so much about tasks and chores and work and non work and fun and good times and bad times and likes and dislikes and so on that we do not feel and see the true purpose of the why and what they bring to us anymore. We are so busy liking and most of the time disliking things that we have made life one big drag not being able to enjoy ourself and others anymore. And yet it is the simple things in life that bring us the greatest joy, and we all know that. So why fight them?
It is in honouring our connection to our body and being we then naturally live in a way where our choices are a reflection of this honouring and support us to live and deepen our connection to all we truly are.
Our intentions really are everything, if my intention is to lose weight, or to curb my eating that isn’t enough to actually stop it – because there is a reason behind it. But if my intention is to really understand why I am over-eating and what is actually going on and begin to practice self love then things begin to change.
Yes, what is behind the behaviour because the behaviour is serving us in some way so if we deny it we just bury what we have used the behaviour for and it will come up again and again.
“..accepting myself first then the tidying up happens because I want to create a space that is nurturing and supportive for ME… the two go together” – tidying, cleaning is about keeping a supportive space for ourselves, and so when we clutter it, so too do we clutter that support and our sight towards taking responsibility. Because we know that when space is created, or there is a clear space, we see what needs to be done and feel our capacity in doing it too. To tidy, to clean, is thus taking energetic responsibility for our space and what we do in it.
When we do things because we want to do them out of love, because we can feel how much something supports us and others, and not because we want to get something out of having achieved or accomplished something, the quality is totally different. Doing things to reach a goal can often feel empty, after the goal is achieved and the short-lived high is over, but when we do things from love, it’s enjoyable at the time, and a feeling that lasts longer and is then a foundation to be built upon.
Beautifully said Bryony – doing things out of love – that’s the key that nourishes us and everyone around us.
Doing things that support us and from a basis of self acceptance and love is always rewarding, ‘I now choose to take time to put things away. It is not a case of tidying up to feel better or for my home to look better for others, but accepting myself first then the tidying up happens because I want to create a space that is nurturing and supportive for ME… the two go together.’
Your blog shows us that when we are focussed on the outcome there is no quality in the process and that is what it is all about. The quality we are in or choose to be in, like you say coming from acceptance of the love that you are, feeling you are worth taking care of and then it will unfold naturally without the picture how it should look like in the end.
It is such a different perspective to what currently is going on in the area of diet and weight loss and what you have shared about discipline (and willpower) not working could easily describe many people’s approach to weight loss and the reason why the yo-yo back and forth losing and gaining weight.
I like how you bring diet and tidying up onto the same level, as it shows that things in life are not determined whether we like them or not or want to change them or not, but that it is the care and love factor in life that provides a way of life that is truly supportive of us and allows for a natural and truly normal way of being.
There is no diet able to change the fact that we have chosen unhappiness as our dish of choice.
I like that. We try to change things but we stay at the surface and do not change, or rather do not go for what is really the cause of our dilemma.
Yes very true Eduardo & Esther – there is always a quality of energy that we have aligned to before it manifests into an activity.
I used to panic when I had visitors to stay because I would rush round trying to tidy the house and get in a fluster wanting to make the house look good, so by the time the friends arrived I would be irritable and frustrated which was not a loving way to greet anyone. Now I know that the irritability and frustration was at myself because I knew that I was not living in a loving way that supported me, or the house. Whether it is diets or tidying up we have to start with being honest with ourselves first and then we can start to make loving changes that will truly support us.
You hit the proverbial nail on the head here Carmel, when we do something out of a discipline and a should it is pretty much destined to fail/fall over at some point. When we do something out of a desire to lovingly support ourselves, even though we may stumble along at times, the results are more lasting.
This is such a true approach to food and tidying up. Yet we can easily see them as a slog and a nuscience when infact they bring us so much. Eating food that provides us with a vitality, and tidying up simply because we understand and feel the benefit of space and order.
If you take away purpose tidying and dieting and other mundane jobs seem pointless and we more often than not have to force ourselves to do them. But if you consider the purpose of altering your diet – or so your body can work at its optimum and it can work unhindered by what we love consumed, or that tidying your house supports you when you come home from work to surrender and truly rejuvenate then it’s like – let’s go… let’s do this. Purpose is the game changer.
Well said, Meg, we tend to focus our activities on the outside world, to make a good impression, but when we do something to support ourselves to evolve, then that is true purpose. Our kitchen has an old floor that is hard to keep clean but the other day I was down on my hands and knees scrubbing away and brushing the carpet by hand – it didn’t look a lot cleaner, but it felt amazing.
So True Carmel, “being me in every moment,” which is Love and yes Love is one of the keys, and may I add that from the loveless existence we start out being gentle on our return to Love, then we can turn around life’s exasperating ‘urges’ by applying a Loving relationship with divine purpose and thus a focus on what our reflection of Love is sharing. So to paraphrase a Loving Purpose, which brings the humble servant focus on all they bring to life so there is a True reflection for others.
What else needs to be done as it is all done by reflection, as reflection is so energetically power-full!
Any parent knows asking a child to tidy up their room can be a chore. But if the child truly feels this need, it will be done naturally without needing words or reprimands. We have to feel from our bodies why we do things and it is always either from the energy of love or abuse, no in between.
I would often do a big clean up when I knew visitors were coming, lately I have been cleaning our home for my husband and myself, and it feels beautiful, this way of honouring ourselves and our home feels very supportive to our relationship.
Willpower is not the solution to eating only foods that are nourishing and nutritious; the energy of that is just as bad, we need to truly feel the love of our body then healthy food choices will be automatic.
It is so easy to get lost so we do not understand what we are observing, because today as I walked around a convenience store there was not one thing that could be eaten without dulling our awareness. For as Carmel has shared, do we put our body in a position where we “feeling to eat in ways that support my body in wellness” or do we go for the fast foods that are generally full of sugars! So when we observe what foods do to our body it becomes simpler to stay away from the foods that dull our awareness.
There is, I have learned, a way of living that leaves space behind me when I work, and so tidying up is now bringing order that supports me the next time I walk into that space.
When decisions are made from an honouring of our bodies there is a very different quality and ripple effect they offer.
I still catch myself cleaning up because we have visitors coming but that’s OK because it’s an incentive to keep the place tidy, although it would also be great to keep it tidy just for us. Diet-wise, the weight is staying pretty stable with very little effort and I am no longer beating myself up for my food choices. Having said that, although I generally eat healthy foods, there is still a degree of overeating going on and I am working on being more honest, with not so much sneak-snacking when no-one is looking. I need to understand what exactly I am wanting to avoid feeling when I choose to eat certain foods.
Our intention in everything we do is so important, the mechanics of tidying or dieting may be the same, however how we feel during and after is completely decided by the intention of why we are doing it.
“….as I clear more clutter, my vitality and energy increase” – yes and also Carmel, our awareness increases of general mess or complication seen in other areas of our life professionally and personally, as well as those people we happen to be around. De-cluttering increases awareness to see ourselves in whole life. With new sight comes new choices … and the vitality-engine of purpose with responsibility.
I love that, ‘the vitality-engine of purpose with responsibility.’ It is not just about us, it is about everybody and the mess we are all in. Clearing up my mess is a great start. A recent blocked sewer at our house was a bit of a wake up call.
I hate living in a muddle, with bits and pieces left all over the place, not put away. The only trouble is, it’s often me who doesn’t bother to put something away. Order always feels lovely and spacious.
Yes it feels lovely to have a space that is clear and where no little clusters of stagnant energy gather. There is a natural flow and clarity, which supports us.
Beautiful Carmel, you are talking about the order of the universe. Both are related to our body significantly. Eating in order of how the body needs to be nurtured will confirm what is already felt and known. For most of my life I have eaten out of order – to not be clear. It goes right back to when I was an infant. I overeated not wanting to feel the lack of harmony in my home. This was the same with tidying up – I was always ordering the house to keep it clear. I knew in my body that I was clear and I felt how dishonouring it was that I was not supported to maintain it. It was a challenge to not feel clarity around me growing up…
I love how an end result takes care of itself and actually often supersedes our expectation when we let go of a picture but keep bringing back to the quality.
During the years of Universal Medicine presentations that I have attended, it has been amazing to watch the transformation of so many people (including myself) in how they care for their body’s with the results clearly visible to see, like a distinct change in body shape and size, an increase in fitness, a calming down of skin conditions, feeling more agile and having more vitality, having more body confidence. But the key is here that Universal Medicine does not set out to achieve any of these things, they just seem to happen naturally when we start to look after ourselves differently to before, and when we introduce self-love in to our lives.
” And how much we don’t like the way we are or the way we live and are constantly striving to be better? ”
This is so true Carmel and a lot of what we do is to cover up theses facts so as to pretend all is well.
Just working on the surface, end results of our underlying issues with ourselves, without addressing the underlying issues never works and we have got a whole world to prove this fact.
As with most things, unless we address the underlying issues that have led us to take on addictive habits, like eating chocolate on a daily basis, stuffing things into cupboards and closing the door on them or even watching TV at the same time each day regardless of what programme is on, then these habits will remain with us. What Serge Benhayon is showing us is that it is possible to address these behaviours and change them permanently by learning to really love and care for ourselves on a level that I for one had never appreciated was possible before.
Exactly Sandra… its those subtle addictions, like the chocolate, that continually erode our deep and inner connection
I agree Carmel diets don’t work, after yo-yo dieting for many years it didn’t do anything but made me more obsessed with my weight and food. I now am a healthy body weight due to developing a more loving relationship with myself, this has then allowed me to approach food in a way that supports me and nourishes me.
I was ten kilos more heavy after stopping with smoking. I felt bloated. I did all to get it off.
Just eating carrots, doing a lot of fitness etc.
Nothing changed until I stopped to focus on the result and woke up in the workshops of Serge Benhayon in which I was invited to start truly loving myself. When I started to make movements in a more loving quality with eating, walking, talking etc my body shape lost 8 kilo’s and my body shaped in a way that felt good to me.
Our consistency of care builds a loving rhythm that supports and sustains itself naturally.
We often feel concerned for how things look and ignore how they feel, the energetic imprints we leave behind in what we touch when we do anything with an intent to please, to impress or to not look bad. Keeping our living space tidy is a way to support ourselves, an aspect of self care that is not obvious but noticeable when it isn’t done. That can be as simple as making the bed, washing up after meals and keeping our clothes tidy. Picking up something that dropped on the floor and not leaving things lying about when they are not needed are two more.
“wanting the end result to be different by how it would look to others and reflect positively on me” Gosh I can relate to this. I am exploring how I do this more and more, and where I see it, letting the part of that wants the ‘recognition’ go and just going with more of what needs to be done and getting on and doing it. It is quite exhausting trying to do everything with a positive result for self!
Every step we make with making space in our house has an effect on our body, and the space we can experience in our body.
Sylvia, thank you for writing that sentence, it has made me look around the house where I live now and I am already tidying up tiny corners – the house itself needs some TLC in terms of fixing a few things here and there, and I know that will take time, but meanwhile I can tidy up my clutter, throw away things and bedlinen I no longer use, and tidy up the laundry-cum-shed. It is amazing how simply we can express what needs to be done. And tasks needn’t be onerous because simple things like sweeping the leaves off our front verandah, or repairing a torn fly net makes a difference.
Self acceptance is very healing and very transforming which supports us to deepen self-love.
Same here Carmel, I too lost weight which remained off, when I changed my approach. I stopped the yo-yo diets and instead decided to eat food that would truly nourish my body. Having made that decision the first thing that came up for me to look at was my sugar consumption in which I discovered I was a sugar addict. But sugar did not nourish my body and had to go as it was not in line with my new approach. It took me some time but not as difficult as I first imagined. I found going for short-term weight loss did not work, but making it about true nourishment made such a big difference with a successful outcome. I now have the figure I had in my 20’s, and absolutely adore my body these days – now that is a huge turnaround.
I’m still struggling with sugar cravings or at least carbohydrate cravings so that my body can make the sugar. And it’s not about food, it’s my body’s way of signalling that it is exhausted, so I need to deepen my awareness of where I am draining my own energy, for example, taking on other people’s emotional stuff.
An observation I made today, having said 13 days ago that I was off the nuts, today I have been eating, eating, eating like there’s no tomorrow. I can link this to two events: (1) I’ve just spent three amazing days on a healing course and can feel myself in a very different space, so there was some tension there when I came back home and (2) we have the full moon coming up at the end of the week and that often affects my mood and my eating habits. So this means that I am still affected by external events and numb myself to avoid feeling the tension in my body resulting from an energetic shift. It reminds me that I need to raise the standard in my house in order to support me with any energetic shifts, meaning more detailed cleaning, folding clothes away as soon as they are dry, keeping cushions straight, that kind of small detail can make all the difference. Also completing things – today I sorted an issue with my mobile phone service that I have been meaning to do for months. It felt great!
The small details do make all the difference I agree Carmel. Just giving our living spaces a little bit of attention, and can be as simple as adding flowers or burning a scented candle but also moving things around, or removing an unnecessary piece of furniture, which opens up the space, cleaning our windows which adds mor light…. everything counts and makes an impact. But when we do follow our impulses to give some attention to our homes, I feel this always supports me in moving forward.
When we tidy up our homes by just stuffing things into another drawer, as soon as we open it the mess is still there. This is the same principle when we bury our hurts instead of healing and letting them go.
I remember tidying up my home to make sure it was presentable for when visitors came, the thought of how does my home, or food for that matter, “support “me was never a thought, with food it was what was considered good for me, but that felt different to the word “support” which I now feel has a very loving element to it, not just something I do.
Dieting has never worked for me, willpower just doesn’t do it. Recently I started binge eating again, grabbing handful of nuts and eating more straight after meals, as if the nourishing meal i just ate wasn’t nourishing enough. Of course I put on weight. In the past I’ve kept off certain foods by not having them in the house. This time I really got that eating like that was an addiction, addiction to feeling numb. So I stopped just like that. After years of ‘trying’ in the end it was a simple choice to be more still and to feel more in my body, to honour my body and let it do what it was designed to do. I can have nuts and fruit in the house now and I don’t touch them, it feels great. Once I respect my body enough, food choices are no problem.
It makes a big difference to choose foods to eat from a sense of what you feel supports you and your whole body as opposed to eating from a mindset of not liking your body and not accepting your worth…
And just like tidying the closet or drawer by putting away and discarding as needed so too can we do that within ourselves. Letting go and tidying our energies and ways of being that are not truly who we are. This supports us to not react so much to life and then cook and eat with the authority of love in our body.
When we bully ourselves into doing anything we meet our own resistance and invariably fail. When we honour who we are everything changes.
The opposite is also true for me – when I feel down (depressed) my place gets untidy and my food choices are not truly nourishing. Cleaning up something helps to change my mood slightly but focusing what I eat never works, only when I am truly self loving do I make self loving choices when it comes to food. Focusing on the food doesn’t work, focusing on the love does.
The problem is not food itself but why do we go there (in other words, how, why and what we resort to food for). So, food is the last piece of a chain. To really get it, we have to move up in the causal chain.
When we create a space that is truly supportive, I find this naturally means it is clear and simple. No clutter or mess. So I love what is shared here – the shift between tidying to look good, vs connecting to what supports us and honouring what this means in terms of our space around us.
This is the second time I have heard this recently, in that with accepting one’s self something significant then changed for them. I think there is a lesson for me here. Thank you for sharing.
Great blog Carmel, I love the way you have married the two – diets and tidying up – as both are temporary fixes of perceived problem areas and that do not really address the underlying issues of the lack of self-worth and self-love that, as you point out, need to be addressed so that a different more sustainable approach to life itself can be established as one based on love.
Freedom from what and how we relate to food and clutter comes only when we are divinely connected. So could it be we are all lost and looking for the same thing and only when we re-connect to the light of our Soul do we become honest and start to make Loving changes to what so easily distracts us, then we can evolve?
Diets work just often enough that people keep trying and then feel like failures because they are not in the small group of people who can keep their weight down.
I was thinking about cigarette smoking and how I just one day decided to stop 40 years ago – it took me over a year and several attempts but I eventually made it and my body and my wallet have celebrated ever since. It really is important to work on our self love because then we can naturally feel what our body needs.
I have been looking at this myself recently and you are correct Carmel, we actually can’t talk ourselves into anything. There is no mind over matter. Being more loving and supportive of ourselves then supports needed changes without any effort. Things just change because we are ready.
Me and my husband are now hot on each other tidying up as we go along, we both have noticed how it impacts the other if we are untidy and leave things about. We accept we are not perfect and it does not happen all the time but we have both noticed there is a spacious, harmonious order around our home when we stick to it.
Yes, a positive feedback loop can be quite easy to sustain as you can feel the difference each time between tidy and not tidy.
When we live with a foundation of self-acceptance we naturally develop a relationship with food that is based the appreciation of who we are, something that is true for where we are in our evolution, no more, no less, just what is needed to support us in our expression of life.
When we reflect from our Soul there is no longer any needs and what is felt around us is the True Love we all are.
We use food for many reasons and for me I eat more than I need – I eat three big meals a day and panic at the thought of not eating. I’m not starving in any way so there is obviously another reason. I do tend to eat when I’m feeling something that is uncomfortable, because I still pick up ‘stuff’ from other people, I have not yet learned to observe and not absorb, and that depletes my energy. I eat handsful of nuts, which are healthy but not in the quantities I eat them, and they tend to dull my awareness. The more I listen to my body the more I can feel and the quantity of nuts can be bigger and bigger but the feelings still break through, so really it becomes a form of unnecessary self abuse. And when I feel low my house is untidy because I can’t be bothered. When I bother it makes me feel better so there’s a bit of a cycle in this.
This is awesome Carmel, to configure your eating rhythm not for ‘looks’ but to come back to your true shape. And if we make this our goal, and see also that it isn’t just the numbers on the scales that matter but the quality of how we feel everyday, our skin, vitality, energy levels and so forth then it’s easy to see that restricting ourselves to a specific diet over a short period is a massive reduction of how we can care for our body.
“Why Diets don’t Work – and Neither does Tidying Up” – when we tidy up or spring clean our unclean habits, things like emotions, ideals, beliefs, carrying of burdens, office toxicity or leaving specific relationships that are unsupportive of one’s own love.. then the body, shape, weight correspond accordingly. Recently I left a toxic set up and my body released its otherwise bulky retention with no food/diet being involved in the adjustment of the body.
Whether the goal is to loose weight or to have a tidy house, the real magic of life lays with the quality of our movements.
I love how you have connected the two themes together of diets and tidying up, and how both are linked with self acceptance. Accepting ourselves in all our imperfections is the gift we give to ourselves, as this allows the space to truly nurture and adore ourselves.
Accepting ourselves is big, learning to accept our grandness, ‘I am learning to be more accepting of myself, and to acknowledge how far I have come. I am learning to enjoy being me in every moment.’
‘but I wasn’t approaching dieting and tidying up as a loving gesture to help support myself.’ When we do this we stop being perfect and a whole lot of pressure we put on ourselves will fall away. Now and then I can slip into this ‘perfect thing’ but what I feel is that I am just avoiding being present in myself and feel what my body is sharing in that moment, it is never about the outside world but always about our inside first.
“Why Diets don’t Work – and Neither does Tidying Up” – yes Carmel, as i’m realising too over the years is that the best diet is the diet of acceptance; acceptance through the observance of actual quality inside whether that’s a physical body or cupboard.
Beautifully shared Carmel, and gorgeous to feel how empowering it is to embrace and bring self-acceptance into our lives. When we begin to truly care for ourselves with the love we deserve to live, we realise that who we are is absolutely worth appreciating and honouring. As such the choices we then begin to make came from a will to love, rather than a seeking to attain love or avoid the hurt we feel as a result of not accepting the love we are. Our bodies and the way we live are a direct reflection of the relationship we hold with ourselves through the choices we make.
‘the choices we then begin to make came from a will to love, rather than a seeking to attain love’ This is a great way to explain a new way of being – that we live to be love and give love rather than get anything from outside of ourselves.
I had one of those ‘light bulb’ moments when I read these words: “losing weight in that way was a discipline,” as they made so much sense of my years of dieting. I realised that I had made the dieting a discipline, a have to so I could feel better about myself, but I had never made the decision from a place of loving my body and wanting to truly nurture and nourish it. Since I have made the choice to do exactly that dieting has disappeared from my life, and I’m not missing it one iota!
Super important this is and it shows us, and we deep down know that, that it is the root cause for every illness or disease that needs to be looked at.. If this means an ill habit of eating or a disease itself. It all requires our honesty and responsible approach to heal that which needs healing.
Carmel I have read this before but I feel like I am really understanding it. I have made many changes with food and because my focus is on self love my weight now takes care of itself, it’s not about perfection or ideals, just being nurturing with myself. The tidying though still has its motivation mostly for others and though it’s gradually changing I can see that it’s still about discipline, and what it’s like on the surface. Lots to explore here, thanks for inspiring me.
If we ever feel we HAVE to do something it is coming from our mind and not from our body. Our body does not HAVE to do things, it just does what it does. True weight comes from living from our body and not our mind.
Losing weight has to come from a way of living that is truly our own, and not from an outside ideal like a diet.
Yes going into ‘fix it’ mode is not addressing why it is occurring in the first place. We can apply this approach to so many things in life, to relationships, to eating, to study, to money etc. We are then caught in always trying to ‘keep up’ the way we want something to look, which as you mentioned Carmel is a constant effort that is exhausting. When we are honest the answer appears and how it looks takes care of itself, but we first have to let go of wanting it to look a certain way…
Good point, Thomas, we need to stop creating pictures and trying to live them. Staying open to whatever unfolds requires way less effort.