Expressing Myself and Being True

I recently came to a realisation about the different ways I express myself with friends, family and people I meet for the first time.

The different way of expressing myself with friends compared to how I express myself with others feels like it came about as a way to offload some of the pain I was feeling in my relationships within my family. Often when I spoke to a close friend about what was happening within my family situation I would look for and gain sympathy, as we would also compare notes about how our parents treated us.

When I expressed myself to friends there was a feeling of familiarity – but it was different to how I expressed myself in my family. Talking with friends there was more equality, but the same lack of honesty. I would use my friends as a sounding board when blaming my family for my woes where I became the ‘victim’ who “had so much to put up with”.

There was so much blaming as I did not take any responsibility for my part in what was going on. Here I perceived I was creating another identity and also a connection to the friend who would also be berating their family.

Engaging in this way was far from being true to myself. I felt a deep urge to make a connection but didn’t know how to do it, and instead I reverted to an old pattern that seemed familiar. In desperation for the connection, instead of taking time and feeling into what was really hurting me, I would look outside of myself in a critical and judgmental way and choose a subject that would bring up common ground for both of us.

I was not ready to be honest about what was really going on in my family: I was going into denial and protecting myself by diverting attention away from the truth.

I came to a point in my life where everything appeared to come to a halt and I felt forced to take a deep look at how I was living my life.

I began having sessions with an Esoteric Healing Practitioner who reflected to me a new way of expressing – with clarity and love, but without the sympathy I was looking for and found when I confided in friends. I found this directness challenging at first until I was willing to open up and start being honest, both with myself and others.

The time spent in the sessions gave me a space in my life where it felt safe to be open and honest, and gradually and very slowly I started to be this way with others.

I have started meeting people at Universal Medicine workshops and events who like me, are learning to take responsibility for their lives and the way they live them. I am learning to express myself in a simple, clear honest way that truly represents who I am inside and who is not afraid of letting other people see my awesomeness. I am not perfect but this does not take away from the fact that I am a beauty-full, power-full and a play-full human being.

When I am in my fullness – in that I am not holding myself back – I am allowing the world to see me fully. Expressing from this place is much more freeing as I allow that tender, precious and play-full ‘me’ to explore and experience the world in a whole new way. In being able to see me fully, others can feel a sense of the fact that I am not hiding any part of myself or my life from them. I am not holding back and guarding myself and consequently others do not have to guess what it is I am feeling and thinking.

In doing so we can relax and be ourselves and have a great time. It feels as though I have wasted a lot of time not being myself!

These changes were inspired by the support of Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and all the amazing esoteric practitioners.

By Susan Lee, Hadleigh, England

Related Reading:
Communicating with, and Talking to People – No longer Calibrating my Expression

701 thoughts on “Expressing Myself and Being True

  1. Super interesting to look at how, what and why we communicate, and what this reveals about where we’re at: are we expressing what we truly feel, expanding and deepening our relationships, or burying what we can feel and withdrawing, or not wanting to feel at all, by engaging others in a conversation that has no purpose? Expression has a purpose: to deepen our relationship with ourselves and one another; through expressing ever deeper levels of love, and what feels true.

  2. I guess this is very familiar for most people, there is so much of this blaming energy going around in conversations where we try to find supporters for our interpretation of what has happened, so we can sit back and pretend we did not have a part in it. I know for myself I did this a lot but nowadays when I tend to go in this dishonest way of talking, I can feel in my body how awful and harming it is, although tempting. I choose to stop myself and be honest instead. There are always two to tango!

  3. We are so used to drenching ourselves and others in sympathy we neglect to see that it does nothing to evolve either party. But the moment you stop being sympathetic and use true understanding instead, you will often be criticised for being ‘heartless’. This is an ironic situation because sympathy does not come from the heart but from a force that seeks to reduce the expression of the true love and care that comes from our innermost self. What this reveals is the vibrational arrangement we can fall into with others where neither party wishes to expose the poison they are in because there is something we are getting from being in it and this is usually a form of identification or recognition.

  4. I can really relate to a whole new level of expression one where we are equal in expression at all times, not only back in certain areas or acting a particular way in another – simply being us in full. It has however taken me a while to understand who I actually am, the layers of unme smothered me from head to toe.

  5. Susan what you have written here would pretty much strike a chord with everyone. Growing up with our friends we develop a way of being that is different than the way we are with our parents, and then when with our parents we revert to the behaviour they are familiar with. But what it shows is that we are not ourselves in either of these scenarios.

  6. I love how you have expressed your unfolding, small steps without thinking you need to change everything instantly. It is amazing what is possible when we make small steps and what unfolds is often far greater than we could ever have imagined when we took the 1st step.

  7. You get to realise how much of a created illusion our stresses and woes are when you take the space to surrender deeply into yourself and your body. You then see that all the still and steadiness was always there within you.

  8. Oh my Susan It does feel like many of us have wasted an awful lot of time not being ourselves, awesome you clocked it and changed it.
    When we are truly ourselves with others we can not but light the whole world.

  9. It appears that so many of us “have wasted a lot of time not being” ourselves, in fact spending so much time and energy trying to be someone society believes we should be. How exhausting is that? Very exhausting as I know too well. Whereas letting down our guards, our walls of protection, and letting people in is a most wonderful way of reclaiming the true and glorious beings we naturally are.

    1. I am realising that as I allow greater space for being with me time has a way of adjusting to my new rhythm. I am gradually ‘reclaiming the true and glorious being’ that I naturally am.

  10. We have all heard of the chameleon who changes their colour and tone depending on their environment… it sounds so clever and alluring, yet when we do that for a lifetime can we remember who we started out as? And equally why not just stay as you are, and express the wisdom that is unique to us offering the world our angle…

  11. I have found it very powerful to be able to express what is true and loving and to know how to do that. The combination is very strong.

  12. I love how you describe it as a day by day process – who knows what is possible or what we may discover if we constantly take small steps forward.

  13. Serge Benhayon inspires people to come out of their shells and be an active part of society, knowing they contribute and are valuable. Its life changing for many.

    1. True, we just don’t realise how important and how vital our role is when it comes to how we contribute to the world around us, both in our closer families and communities and on a much bigger global scale.

    2. Serge Benhayon sure does inspire people Heather. He has brought me out of my shell as well and shown me how we can be in society and everyday life without feeling we need to withdraw or escape from it.

      1. Serge brings an understanding of how to live life with greater depth and purpose – and with this you come alive and no longer want to hide away from the world.

      2. Very true Susan, no more withdrawing from life because through understanding we get a sense of purpose and aliveness which I never felt before. I used to think the world was against me rather than seeing my part to play.

  14. When we are looking for sympathy, which, by the way, never satisfies and leaves us hankering for more of the same, we become dishonest and mainly exaggerate or paint things a certain way that suits our agenda. Sympathy is no substitute for connection – the real deal and what fulfils us, no lies, so-called white lies and backstabbing required.

    1. Sympathy is a certain vibration we seek to halt our evolution and so we can spend more time in the delay we have created by living in a way that does not honour the truth of who we are.

  15. We can waste so much time in looking for recognition from others to get a feeling to be good or to belong.
    But the true joy and love we find if we stop looking outside for confirmation and allow ourselves to feel our own beauty and accept that.
    Like no longer hiding the fact that we are awesome.

  16. Why making differences in the way we express depending of the person or the situation? Susan is very beautiful what you shared here because show us how we can be ourselves all the time with everyone equally, with no trying, no need of sympathy or anything but the truth that presents to us in any given moment. Thank you

    1. And we can feel the truth within ourselves as we explore living in a way that is transparent and intimate ‘with no trying, no need of sympathy or anything but the truth that presents to us in any given moment.’ That is true freedom and comes from within our inner heart where only truth resides.

  17. So often to express the truth brings up an uncomfortable feeling for others as it brings with it the truth of what we all can be offered if we choose to make love our first call of expression.

  18. ‘In doing so we can relax and be ourselves and have a great time. It feels as though I have wasted a lot of time not being myself!’
    We don’t want to do any more of that.. for sure, nothing is worse than neglecting who you are by denying your truth and power (love).

    1. So true Danna – ‘nothing is worse than neglecting who you are by denying your truth and power (love).’ – we are far too precious to negate all that we are and besides that humanity so desperately needs the reflection of truth and power to bring us back to brotherhood and true love.

  19. There is a deep beauty and simplicity in that all we need to do in life is to return to our true self, and we have each other in reflection to support us.

  20. So often we do that, in my case it actually dominates my day. The being nice, and trying to say the right thing in order to please people – we’re taught this from the moment we can speak to say thank you and sorry just because it’s “polite” – how horrible is it that we do that to children!

    1. And it seems that we only learn the consequences of this abuse as adults – I know for me it was when someone commented on how often I said sorry – until that moment it felt as though I was totally unaware.

      1. And that is the beauty when we allow ourselves to be supportive of each other, then we are reigniting an awareness in one another that one has been slumbering in before.

  21. Through being a student of The Way of The Livingness I am deepening my ability and awareness to express myself with one voice, one identity, wherever and with who ever.

  22. I notice that there is many levels to discover back in what it means to be full myself. It is endless and always deepening.

  23. Truly opening up and being ourselves, and expressing that to others, without relying on go-to small talk topics of conversation, niceness or politeness, can only happen if we’re prepared to truly open up and be honest with ourselves and what we’re feeling, first. If we’re constantly looking to define ourselves by how another responds to us, we are constantly at the mercy of how they are – whether they’re in a good mood, like us or don’t like us.. a game that sets us up to fall down over and over again, until we learn that only we can build our foundations and know who we are, by looking within, building a connection to what we can feel, and being honest about it.

    1. You speak so wisely Bryony, I find it so difficult to drop the small talk conversations because often when I try to I feel super uncomfortable. The thoughts of “what are they thinking of me”, “why am I feeling tension” creep in and I start a meaningless conversation about the weather, what we’re wearing or something else that brings no evolution to anybody.

      1. I can understand what you mean here Viktoria – I do still go to small talk but what is beautiful is that my awareness of relying on something meaningless is not dominating my conversation any more.

    2. Living our lives looking for constant confirmation from the outside, from others, has a consequence of lessening the trust in who we truly are and what we in fact innately know. As you say so wisely, Bryony, it is only us who ‘can build our foundations’ for life and to be strong and steady we need to build them from the inside out, from the wisdom and the power we hold within.

  24. Its amazing when we meet like hearted people, Universal Medicine has enabled many of us to connect in ways we would never have thought possible. I know through Universal Medicine I have made such life changing friendships, friendships that go on for ever, friendships that are evolutionary, and friendship that are all about healing.

  25. I love your honesty Susan. Do we think we love certain people because we can offload our frustrations on them and get sympathy in return to confirm our right to be frustrated?

    1. Or more generally, are we at times tempted to consider what is in reality an arrangement to be love?

    2. Or is it that we choose these people because they hold back in sharing the harm that goes with these behaviours?

  26. Susan, you are so correct in saying that we waste so much time in not being ourselves. The thing is if we are not ourselves then who are we? What is driving us to not be present in our own bodies? These questions are definitely worth pondering on.

  27. The world so needs all of our expression when that expression comes from our fullness. We each bring a different perspective and when we work together in that way it is magical.

  28. When we are connected to our essence we soon realise that this quality of love and truth, is with us wherever we are, as such it is impossible to really compartmentalise life, and think that we need to be different in one place or another, with one person or another. It is far more real, liberating and inspiring for all to be ourselves and share this quality with everywhere we are.

  29. You’re right in saying that not being ourselves is a waste of time, it’s the same as not giving life 100%, or not saying what needs to be said, or doing what needs to be done – we seem to be super casual about wasting time, but what actually are we wasting and what is possible if we stop wasting so much time?

  30. I’ve just recently been realising how in my relationships with friends and family and work colleagues I have an arrangement going on. It might be quite subtle but it is there and as you say comes with the flavour of familiarity which we then perceive as closeness or being connected.

    1. I appreciate what you shared here Aimee and have been experiencing a similar thing going on for me, especially in my work relationships where due to some challenging situations going on there, a group of us can sometimes drop into feeling a false sense of connection via the sharing of complaints or judgements of others abusive and corrupt behaviour. Although these things may be occurring, looking for sympathy or agreement from others of our actions is not really getting to a true connection and understanding of the underlying lessons that are there to be learned by reflection.

      1. Well outed and beautifully said Michael, it is still a form of separation from each other having different camps we sit in. I know it well too, it’s almost like a convenient excuse to do or say this or that because someone has wronged us. Bringing understanding and getting underneath as you said, stops us from reacting and also offers others a different way to be when office politics or family dynamics arise.

      2. I love what you have both shared, Aimee and Michael, as you have exposed clearly how out of sympathy we develop relationships that we believe are based on intimacy but are not.

  31. Reading this, what I can feel is how we might form a friendship when we find we share a commonality – a hobby, a value, an issue, an enemy, and how the kind of conversations we might have in those relationships can sometimes be repetitive, and basically filled with the circulation energy, and we may feel ‘confirmed’ when the other just agrees, symphathise and never challenges, but it actually is downright retarding. Expressing truth is an offering and responsibility.

    1. This is awesome Fumiyo, and for me this is what a real and true friend is. Someone that is willing to pull you up to be the greater aspect of your potential, and not allow to lies and loveless self-abating behaviours to continue.

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