I recently came to a realisation about the different ways I express myself with friends, family and people I meet for the first time.
The different way of expressing myself with friends compared to how I express myself with others feels like it came about as a way to offload some of the pain I was feeling in my relationships within my family. Often when I spoke to a close friend about what was happening within my family situation I would look for and gain sympathy, as we would also compare notes about how our parents treated us.
When I expressed myself to friends there was a feeling of familiarity – but it was different to how I expressed myself in my family. Talking with friends there was more equality, but the same lack of honesty. I would use my friends as a sounding board when blaming my family for my woes where I became the ‘victim’ who “had so much to put up with”.
There was so much blaming as I did not take any responsibility for my part in what was going on. Here I perceived I was creating another identity and also a connection to the friend who would also be berating their family.
Engaging in this way was far from being true to myself. I felt a deep urge to make a connection but didn’t know how to do it, and instead I reverted to an old pattern that seemed familiar. In desperation for the connection, instead of taking time and feeling into what was really hurting me, I would look outside of myself in a critical and judgmental way and choose a subject that would bring up common ground for both of us.
I was not ready to be honest about what was really going on in my family: I was going into denial and protecting myself by diverting attention away from the truth.
I came to a point in my life where everything appeared to come to a halt and I felt forced to take a deep look at how I was living my life.
I began having sessions with an Esoteric Healing Practitioner who reflected to me a new way of expressing – with clarity and love, but without the sympathy I was looking for and found when I confided in friends. I found this directness challenging at first until I was willing to open up and start being honest, both with myself and others.
The time spent in the sessions gave me a space in my life where it felt safe to be open and honest, and gradually and very slowly I started to be this way with others.
I have started meeting people at Universal Medicine workshops and events who like me, are learning to take responsibility for their lives and the way they live them. I am learning to express myself in a simple, clear honest way that truly represents who I am inside and who is not afraid of letting other people see my awesomeness. I am not perfect but this does not take away from the fact that I am a beauty-full, power-full and a play-full human being.
When I am in my fullness – in that I am not holding myself back – I am allowing the world to see me fully. Expressing from this place is much more freeing as I allow that tender, precious and play-full ‘me’ to explore and experience the world in a whole new way. In being able to see me fully, others can feel a sense of the fact that I am not hiding any part of myself or my life from them. I am not holding back and guarding myself and consequently others do not have to guess what it is I am feeling and thinking.
In doing so we can relax and be ourselves and have a great time. It feels as though I have wasted a lot of time not being myself!
These changes were inspired by the support of Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and all the amazing esoteric practitioners.
By Susan Lee, Hadleigh, England
Related Reading:
Communicating with, and Talking to People – No longer Calibrating my Expression
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
When we realise that we behave in one way with one person and another way with another person, we can ask ourselves a few questions such as (1) who are we really and which one of those is the real us, if indeed either of them is…, and (2) why do we play a game of roles rather than just being who we are?
It’s no wonder that we do not trust one another when we cannot trust ourselves sufficiently to be totally transparent with everyone.
I too have been know to seek sympathy and wanted another to feel sorry for me – but this is actually a very disempowering process as I have learned. What I have learned is that in seeking sympathy we are simply wanting to wallow in the situation and not see our part in it – in other words we are not wanting to take any responsibility for the situation and instead are disempowering ourselves completely and then playing the victim. But there can only be a victim when one chooses to play the victim. These are not easy words to hear, because it is asking us to look deeply at the situation and be willing to see how we have contributed to it – I too have been challenged by this, but each and every time that I hold a willingness to explore and understand this more, I am astounded by the simple truth than unfolds and the liberating or freeing experience within which is well worth the initial discomfort of what was felt.
Being honest with ourselves is the beginning of understanding our innate inner beauty.
Thank you Susan for your sharing – I too can relate to not bringing an honesty and openness to relationships and hence wanting to blame others for how I feel and how things are in the relationship. I feel this is actually a toxic way of living in relationships, but one we often stay in until such time that (a) we get a reflection from someone else that there is a different way to be, and (b) we are ready and willing to make the steps that can be challenging but allow for a true change to occur and hence let go of something we were getting out of the toxic way of being. This of course is a process and does not happen over-night.
What if we were always born into the same group and we had parents who were once our children and this merry-go-round continues until we decide to get off and take responsibility for the issues we are to learn this life and thus start our evolution back to being Soul-full and not attached to the spiritual being who thinks it is running the show.
Yes, Elizabeth, and it feels horrible when we do this, so I am expressing my truth more and more.
And reflecting on both your comments I am questioning why we would want to express anything less than our truth when our truth reflects the very essence that we all innately are and is the core of our beingness.
“. It feels as though I have wasted a lot of time not being myself!” I’m sure you’re not the only one who feels this! But how great we can now choose to live our best life!
And now choose to live in our fullness, ‘When I am in my fullness – in that I am not holding myself back – I am allowing the world to see me fully.’
And how awesome it will be when the whole of humanity is experiencing this same level of ‘being’ and not getting limited by the ‘doing’.
Energetically responsibility takes us to the realms of understanding we are more than just this physical vessel and thus our sacredness becomes a responsibility for everything.
Honouring our vehicle of expression is the most loving way we can live – to live in harmony with ourselves and those around us is indeed a blessing to be honoured and lived.
“I have wasted a lot of time not being myself!” And in doing so we lose touch with who we are in trying to be different things with different people. Reconnecting to who we innately are is beautiful and simple.
Anything that we ‘try’ to be is not coming from our essence – with our essence there is no trying simply being.
Once we establish a steady and settled foundation within, connected to Soul, there is no variation in our movements and way we relate to others. Movements of the Soul are one and unified.
I deeply appreciate the depth of stillness that you are bringing through Kehinde – truth expressed in this way is beyond doubt and absolute, and cuts through all the ideals and beliefs that we may have taken on.
When we look for sympathy in confiding in close friends, we are not really after any true change or healing, we want our choice and the resultant positioning to be justified and cemented, so that ‘there’s nothing I can do’ and avoid looking at the responsibility we are resisting to accept. What hurts us most is us holding our love back. We want it to be because of whoever, but love or not love is a choice that only we can make for ourselves.
Your words have allowed me to feel that there is still work to do, and for this I am not surprised as there are always new levels of transparency that we can unfold on our path of return to soul. The greatest journey that man can undertake.
So true Fumiyo. Even when confronted by a major disease, so many don’t really want to hear truth or make significant changes in their lifestyle. Its easier ina strange way to continue wanting sympathy and blaming God or others, As you say, ‘love is a choice that only we can make for ourselves’.
The choice of love is a choice of responsibility to evolve and one that nurtures us. Blaming is only about negating who we truly are.
‘What hurts us most is us holding our love back.’ We are here to express love.
Expressing the love that we are is enriching the whole of humanity.
” I am learning to express myself in a simple, clear honest way that truly represents who I am inside and who is not afraid of letting other people see my awesomeness.” Beautiful to read Susan – go you! I too have been learning to express more. When at boarding school I did express but was told countless times I wasn’t feeling what I in fact was. So I learned to go quiet and kept everything within, as no one was willing to truly listen and support me. No counselling for kids in those days. Coming to Universal Medicine was like a breath of fresh air. My life has changed and I am expressing more fully nowadays.
And it is with true wonderment that I realise that this expansion of our deep inner knowingness of ourselves is something that has no end – the joy that we feel in our lives when we are free of the outer inhibitions is like a prisoner breaking loose of chains. Each day brings a new beginning ad infinitum.
Thanks Susan for your honesty and openness. Our expression could really be a subject at school, something that is given respect to, as well as recognised as essential for our wellbeing, being able to express ourselves honestly and authentically.
Well said Melinda, and the real question here is why is it that we learn so young to deny this honesty and authentic expression – as babies we all come in with honest expressions, there are no falsities or roles then, but as we grow we learn to take on a different way of being which serves no one in the end.
It feels to me that there is something here at work that is the absolute opposite of the Divine Love that we all innately are.
“The time spent in the sessions gave me a space in my life where it felt safe to be open and honest, and gradually and very slowly I started to be this way with others.”
Amazing what the Esoteric modalities can do, we are truly blessed to have them in our lives.
The Esoteric modalities are to be truly appreciated and with this we deepen our relationships, nurturing them to go forever deeper.
I feel we are taught from young not to express our true feelings but to hide them so as not to upset another. We put on so many layers of veneer that the truth of who we truly are gets smothered and harder to access. The courses and workshops of Universal Medicine supported me over time to break through the false veneer to reveal a truly glorious graceful me and not the Bull let loose in the China shop after all.
I agree Mary – when I recall the ‘false veneer’ that was my expression for so long it brings a feeling of revulsion and this is what others were most likely feeling – as you say it feels the complete opposite of the ‘truly glorious graceful me’ that now greets the world. We are now walking in our true power thanks to Universal Medicine.
Absolutely. It is quite shocking to feel the amount of expression that is generally held back for fear of garnering a negative reaction. Through the support of Universal Medicine I have also learned to self appreciate so much more and to understand the power of true expression that comes from the heart and body not from reaction. In this steadiness I am learning to handle any reaction that may come my way without taking it personally.
I so agree Mary. We hide our feelings and parents and teachers don’t want to know because they probably haven’t dealt wit their feelings around the same issues. So they numb off and as little ones we pick up on energy so easily we learn not to upset the applecart. Unpeeling the layers to return to our essence doesn’t happen overnight – well not for me – as I have had over sixty years of burying. But the unpeeling process is ongoing and I am so appreciative of all that Serge Benhayon has brought through in this era.
Learning to ‘not to upset the applecart’ is an expression that has been learnt by so many of us – much the same as ‘anything for a quiet life’. What we eventually realise is that this life is not so quiet but a seething mass of unresolved hurts that over shadow the innately beautiful, delicate creatures that we are in our essence.
“When I am in my fullness – in that I am not holding myself back – I am allowing the world to see me fully. Expressing from this place is much more freeing as I allow that tender, precious and play-full ‘me’ to explore and experience the world in a whole new way” Beautiful. When we are in our fullness, open and transparent we relate to the world in a different way and it and people relate back completely differently too. Magic!
And supremely simple.
Looking back over my life and I can feel the many times I have complicated things by not expressing myself in full and creating issues where there need not be any. The amazing thing is that the times when I truly and fully express all of me, life is actually very simple and easy and has a flow that allows me to glide seamlessly from one thing to another, no effort no trying, so to me it makes sense to keep expressing in full because life is so much more enriching.
‘The amazing thing is that the times when I truly and fully express all of me, life is actually very simple and easy and has a flow that allows me to glide seamlessly from one thing to another, no effort no trying, so to me it makes sense to keep expressing in full because life is so much more enriching.’ Having read your beautiful comment Alison it is perplexing that we would choose any other way? We have indeed so much to learn and unfold as we take steps to re-imprint and yet what a joyful path is ahead of us.
So true Elizabeth – we are indeed magnificent and truly glorious.
“Often when I spoke to a close friend about what was happening within my family situation I would look for and gain sympathy, as we would also compare notes about how our parents treated us”. I can relate to this pattern and have really been noticing it in recent times. Its incredible how well we can pick who to talk to so they will sympathise and not challenge our current view of the family.
I found it was great to have to begin to have the awareness of how I manipulated people and life so that I could avoid feeling the truth. What complicated lives we have created?
Often we learn to express in a way that gives permission for the other person to confirm the mess we have put ourselves in rather than expressing honestly and openly so that with the help of another we can not only nominate that which binds us, but also ultimately take responsibility for it so we can then let it go.
Expression without honesty is simply an empty vessel making a lot of noise.
The great thing is that how much more we live now in our fullness how more we can experience space in which all can be done without pressure. There is a natural flow to it.
Blaming others for our own pain will never get us anywhere. The only true answer is to look within and change what we need to within ourselves.
Blame is like an insidious worm that burrows away at our self worth.
Blaming others means we are avoiding taking responsibility for the part we play in the current scenario. Choices, choices……
It is interesting to see how many times we have been presented with these choices and to feel how many times we may have avoided answering them or if we maybe have been choosing half truths in order to accept the full responsibility required that we are being offered and hence the evolution.
By blaming we give our power away to an outside source being responsible for our own behaviour. This can never bring any change or evolution.
If we all working our own issues, our parts that created disharmony, we are independent from others to live our joy.
And that is true joy when we live in a way where we are complete within ourselves.
‘By blaming we give our power away to an outside source ‘, and we become trapped in being a victim.
Its very perverse that we hold on tightly with controlling our lives as a way to survive and yet as soon as something goes wrong we relinquish our sense of responsibility and hand our power over to an outside source.
‘Expression is Everything’, I didn’t quite understand what this saying meant until I began to take steps to no longer hold back and to express more. A work in progress but I am amazed how the more I commit to express and expand my expression how much more energy and vitality I feel in my body. Expression has been a game changer for me and supported my overall health and well-being enormously, the best medicine I have ever had.
Feeling the true purpose of connection ignites a spark in our soul.
There have been many times in “my life where everything appeared to come to a halt and I felt forced to take a deep look at how I was living my life.”. Some of these stop moments were not pleasant and often the message was simply lost in the desire to ‘get better’ and get back on with life, without changing anything about the way I was living. I can see so clearly nowadays that these moments are absolute gifts, offering me the opportunity to take an honest look at life and then make some changes that are more self-loving than the ones I had actually been making.
Thank you for your beautiful comment – it brought back to me how much I have changed in that I now do really appreciate these stop moments and all they offer. I still need to be reminded of this at times as those moments can feel a little overwhelming at the time but once I return to a connection within I can feel the true depth of the foundation I have built.
Beautiful sharing both Ingrid and Susan, stop moments are certainly blessings when we choose to see them in that light.
Taking your time to feel helps what it is you need to say.
What I find with expression is that when my primary concern is myself – that is when I often alter my expression around different people, but when my focus switches to the bigger picture and what’s at play then my expression becomes much more evened out and much more true to who I am.
Super interesting to look at how, what and why we communicate, and what this reveals about where we’re at: are we expressing what we truly feel, expanding and deepening our relationships, or burying what we can feel and withdrawing, or not wanting to feel at all, by engaging others in a conversation that has no purpose? Expression has a purpose: to deepen our relationship with ourselves and one another; through expressing ever deeper levels of love, and what feels true.
I guess this is very familiar for most people, there is so much of this blaming energy going around in conversations where we try to find supporters for our interpretation of what has happened, so we can sit back and pretend we did not have a part in it. I know for myself I did this a lot but nowadays when I tend to go in this dishonest way of talking, I can feel in my body how awful and harming it is, although tempting. I choose to stop myself and be honest instead. There are always two to tango!
We are so used to drenching ourselves and others in sympathy we neglect to see that it does nothing to evolve either party. But the moment you stop being sympathetic and use true understanding instead, you will often be criticised for being ‘heartless’. This is an ironic situation because sympathy does not come from the heart but from a force that seeks to reduce the expression of the true love and care that comes from our innermost self. What this reveals is the vibrational arrangement we can fall into with others where neither party wishes to expose the poison they are in because there is something we are getting from being in it and this is usually a form of identification or recognition.
I can really relate to a whole new level of expression one where we are equal in expression at all times, not only back in certain areas or acting a particular way in another – simply being us in full. It has however taken me a while to understand who I actually am, the layers of unme smothered me from head to toe.
Susan what you have written here would pretty much strike a chord with everyone. Growing up with our friends we develop a way of being that is different than the way we are with our parents, and then when with our parents we revert to the behaviour they are familiar with. But what it shows is that we are not ourselves in either of these scenarios.
It does feel horrible the way most of us speak about and to our parents or family compared with how we speak with friends. I see that many people felt unloved, controlled, used etc by their parents and in reaction speak with friends for relief and as justification to not deal with what hurt from our childhood.
When we don’t truly honour those in our life we are denying the joy of being open and spacious and allowing a flow of love to enter our relationships.
I love how you have expressed your unfolding, small steps without thinking you need to change everything instantly. It is amazing what is possible when we make small steps and what unfolds is often far greater than we could ever have imagined when we took the 1st step.
Yes, so true James – as we begin to realise our true power we can let go of everything that is not truly us. As we let go of each burden that we have held onto we can feel our step lighten and each step we take brings us closer to living as one and in brotherhood, feeling and appreciating the quality that we each can bring. Why would we want to live any other way?
Indeed it makes no sense to live any less than the love we innately are, yet by hanging onto the past we easily can. The more we see our past ill choices as not originating from us the more we can let go of the self condemnation and self judgement and return back the love we are.
In retrospect the amazing thing is that we would make any other choice other than ‘to live any less than the love we innately are’.
Very true Susan.
You get to realise how much of a created illusion our stresses and woes are when you take the space to surrender deeply into yourself and your body. You then see that all the still and steadiness was always there within you.
As we surrender to our stillness and steadiness the need to be anything other than ourselves dissipates and we become whole again.
Oh my Susan It does feel like many of us have wasted an awful lot of time not being ourselves, awesome you clocked it and changed it.
When we are truly ourselves with others we can not but light the whole world.
Talking is part of our movements. What is that moves us is a relevant question to ask and bring our talk into the equation.
The more we express our truth the less we allow the enabling of lies.
It appears that so many of us “have wasted a lot of time not being” ourselves, in fact spending so much time and energy trying to be someone society believes we should be. How exhausting is that? Very exhausting as I know too well. Whereas letting down our guards, our walls of protection, and letting people in is a most wonderful way of reclaiming the true and glorious beings we naturally are.
I am realising that as I allow greater space for being with me time has a way of adjusting to my new rhythm. I am gradually ‘reclaiming the true and glorious being’ that I naturally am.
We have all heard of the chameleon who changes their colour and tone depending on their environment… it sounds so clever and alluring, yet when we do that for a lifetime can we remember who we started out as? And equally why not just stay as you are, and express the wisdom that is unique to us offering the world our angle…
I have found it very powerful to be able to express what is true and loving and to know how to do that. The combination is very strong.
I love how you describe it as a day by day process – who knows what is possible or what we may discover if we constantly take small steps forward.
Serge Benhayon inspires people to come out of their shells and be an active part of society, knowing they contribute and are valuable. Its life changing for many.
True, we just don’t realise how important and how vital our role is when it comes to how we contribute to the world around us, both in our closer families and communities and on a much bigger global scale.
Serge Benhayon sure does inspire people Heather. He has brought me out of my shell as well and shown me how we can be in society and everyday life without feeling we need to withdraw or escape from it.
Serge brings an understanding of how to live life with greater depth and purpose – and with this you come alive and no longer want to hide away from the world.
Very true Susan, no more withdrawing from life because through understanding we get a sense of purpose and aliveness which I never felt before. I used to think the world was against me rather than seeing my part to play.
When we are looking for sympathy, which, by the way, never satisfies and leaves us hankering for more of the same, we become dishonest and mainly exaggerate or paint things a certain way that suits our agenda. Sympathy is no substitute for connection – the real deal and what fulfils us, no lies, so-called white lies and backstabbing required.
Sympathy is a certain vibration we seek to halt our evolution and so we can spend more time in the delay we have created by living in a way that does not honour the truth of who we are.
Sympathy is a way to relate that is empty and often comes with a need for identification that feeds emotion and a false sense of love.
We can waste so much time in looking for recognition from others to get a feeling to be good or to belong.
But the true joy and love we find if we stop looking outside for confirmation and allow ourselves to feel our own beauty and accept that.
Like no longer hiding the fact that we are awesome.
Why making differences in the way we express depending of the person or the situation? Susan is very beautiful what you shared here because show us how we can be ourselves all the time with everyone equally, with no trying, no need of sympathy or anything but the truth that presents to us in any given moment. Thank you
And we can feel the truth within ourselves as we explore living in a way that is transparent and intimate ‘with no trying, no need of sympathy or anything but the truth that presents to us in any given moment.’ That is true freedom and comes from within our inner heart where only truth resides.
So often to express the truth brings up an uncomfortable feeling for others as it brings with it the truth of what we all can be offered if we choose to make love our first call of expression.
And yet there are also times when you can feel the space that has been allowed by holding true to the truth expressed without imposition.
‘In doing so we can relax and be ourselves and have a great time. It feels as though I have wasted a lot of time not being myself!’
We don’t want to do any more of that.. for sure, nothing is worse than neglecting who you are by denying your truth and power (love).
So true Danna – ‘nothing is worse than neglecting who you are by denying your truth and power (love).’ – we are far too precious to negate all that we are and besides that humanity so desperately needs the reflection of truth and power to bring us back to brotherhood and true love.
There is a deep beauty and simplicity in that all we need to do in life is to return to our true self, and we have each other in reflection to support us.
So often we do that, in my case it actually dominates my day. The being nice, and trying to say the right thing in order to please people – we’re taught this from the moment we can speak to say thank you and sorry just because it’s “polite” – how horrible is it that we do that to children!
And it seems that we only learn the consequences of this abuse as adults – I know for me it was when someone commented on how often I said sorry – until that moment it felt as though I was totally unaware.
And that is the beauty when we allow ourselves to be supportive of each other, then we are reigniting an awareness in one another that one has been slumbering in before.
Through being a student of The Way of The Livingness I am deepening my ability and awareness to express myself with one voice, one identity, wherever and with who ever.
I notice that there is many levels to discover back in what it means to be full myself. It is endless and always deepening.