I recently came to a realisation about the different ways I express myself with friends, family and people I meet for the first time.
The different way of expressing myself with friends compared to how I express myself with others feels like it came about as a way to offload some of the pain I was feeling in my relationships within my family. Often when I spoke to a close friend about what was happening within my family situation I would look for and gain sympathy, as we would also compare notes about how our parents treated us.
When I expressed myself to friends there was a feeling of familiarity – but it was different to how I expressed myself in my family. Talking with friends there was more equality, but the same lack of honesty. I would use my friends as a sounding board when blaming my family for my woes where I became the ‘victim’ who “had so much to put up with”.
There was so much blaming as I did not take any responsibility for my part in what was going on. Here I perceived I was creating another identity and also a connection to the friend who would also be berating their family.
Engaging in this way was far from being true to myself. I felt a deep urge to make a connection but didn’t know how to do it, and instead I reverted to an old pattern that seemed familiar. In desperation for the connection, instead of taking time and feeling into what was really hurting me, I would look outside of myself in a critical and judgmental way and choose a subject that would bring up common ground for both of us.
I was not ready to be honest about what was really going on in my family: I was going into denial and protecting myself by diverting attention away from the truth.
I came to a point in my life where everything appeared to come to a halt and I felt forced to take a deep look at how I was living my life.
I began having sessions with an Esoteric Healing Practitioner who reflected to me a new way of expressing – with clarity and love, but without the sympathy I was looking for and found when I confided in friends. I found this directness challenging at first until I was willing to open up and start being honest, both with myself and others.
The time spent in the sessions gave me a space in my life where it felt safe to be open and honest, and gradually and very slowly I started to be this way with others.
I have started meeting people at Universal Medicine workshops and events who like me, are learning to take responsibility for their lives and the way they live them. I am learning to express myself in a simple, clear honest way that truly represents who I am inside and who is not afraid of letting other people see my awesomeness. I am not perfect but this does not take away from the fact that I am a beauty-full, power-full and a play-full human being.
When I am in my fullness – in that I am not holding myself back – I am allowing the world to see me fully. Expressing from this place is much more freeing as I allow that tender, precious and play-full ‘me’ to explore and experience the world in a whole new way. In being able to see me fully, others can feel a sense of the fact that I am not hiding any part of myself or my life from them. I am not holding back and guarding myself and consequently others do not have to guess what it is I am feeling and thinking.
In doing so we can relax and be ourselves and have a great time. It feels as though I have wasted a lot of time not being myself!
These changes were inspired by the support of Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and all the amazing esoteric practitioners.
By Susan Lee, Hadleigh, England
Related Reading:
Communicating with, and Talking to People – No longer Calibrating my Expression