Over the years, I have certainly compromised my own feelings – for others, for situations, to fit in or be liked – but whatever the reason, it was a choice made to settle for less than what felt right for me and honouring of me, overriding what felt loving, supportive and settling for whatever amount of love I thought I deserved at the time, an amount always measured by my own measure of self-worth. But when I am full of self-worth, when I know how beautiful I really am and there is absolutely nothing to be measured, then the love I can hold myself and others in and even my home, is immeasurable and without compromise.
Recently whilst searching for a rental property, my friend and I discovered that not only were we looking for much more than a roof over our heads and an address to call ‘home’, we were committed and open to learning more about ourselves, the ideals and pictures we have carried around about our houses and the unending depth of self-healing and self-development that was presenting great opportunity for change.
There were many homes which ‘would do just fine’— almost completely supportive and comfortable homes – often however, with one seemingly small thing that didn’t quite fit: the interior was new, but the street noise was loud… only a hop and a skip to work, but next door was a building site with a crane hanging overhead… or the simplest feeling that we couldn’t put our finger on, that ‘something just didn’t feel quite right’ – so compromising on our feelings did not feel to be an option.
Trusting What We Feel Without Compromise
We could have easily allowed ourselves to be swept up in the time frame we were subject to, or boxed ourselves into specific suburbs that we thought we liked or knew: we could have settled for a house without a dishwasher (because ideally that could be seen as a luxury to many people) – but most importantly as no home is perfect, we could have easily compromised and accepted and settled for a new home that didn’t feel right for us both.
How many times have we done this… and in all areas of life? How many times have we gone along with something or someone, even though there was a feeling in ourselves that was asking for the space for our honesty, to trust and to honour our feelings? Perhaps completely different choices would have been made.
What we were able to expose for ourselves in our house-hunting was just how comfortable the pictures really are of where we think we should be and what we think things should look like, but how the pictures can actually leave us feeling restricted or stuck in our everyday living, out of harmony in our otherwise natural flow and development within life and held back from our innate yearning to evolve ourselves and be more of who we truly are.
What we found in our new home was that nothing needed to be physically perfect but that saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise. By doing this we found a home that felt truly supportive of us and our daily routines, rituals and rhythms.
In finding a new home that feels supportive and practical for our family who will live and visit there, it is clear to see that a loving home is simply a reflection of the quality that is being lived between its four walls. When I connect to the warmth and love that exists vibrantly within my own heart, I know what loving choices I can make to support my everyday way of living – to bring that warmth through my livingness each day, to my home, my family and far beyond without compromise.
Through being inspired by the presentations of Serge Benhayon, and Universal Medicine I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart and daily it guides my every way. When I hear it I know just what I feel, but when I truly listen – I know a love and a joy that won’t settle for anything less.
By Cherise Holt, 31, Nurse, Brisbane
You may also be interested in:
Learning to Express Our Feelings part 2
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
I’ve recently moved into a rental home after apartment living, the apartment had served its purpose. I had been looking for some time but every time I searched, none of the homes felt right. Often feeling like dwellings then a place that was a home.
One day, after a break from searching, I found this home in the same street that I lived in. As far as I was concerned, it was a the house that God built especially for us, it had everything we wanted and probably more.
What was felt, was the love this home came from, it was taken care of, nurtured, and there was nothing more we needed to ask of it.
What came from this experience was that I needed to trust that I was being prepared and supported for the right home. My responsibility was to be patient and allow that space for me to grow, it was that simple. I don’t even see it as a rental and breaking down a belief system that I shouldn’t be renting and owning a home was it.
As far as I’m concerned, this is my home God built for my partner and I, it was a matter of time before I would be led to it, I just needed to get out of the way.
Listening to our bodies and their vast wisdom helps us not to compromise ourselves.
Another string of pearls here: “a loving home is simply a reflection of the quality that is being lived between its four walls.” – and so it is that how we live in our home is what fills it with the quality that then holds and supports us and others.
And how true is that statement. I saw the quality people lived in in the complex I had once lived for over a decade. The mindset that it isn’t my home, so in the inside I have to make it my home, but on the outside, it’s not our problem.
But boy oh boy can we feel the quality being lived between four walls, it greets you as you enter, it can’t be ignored.
Any picture we hold of something is really a limitation for there are often much more grander things in store for us but we deny this by choosing the picture instead.
Cherise, this is so well said in terms of how we can hold pictures and cap ourselves in life: “how comfortable the pictures really are of where we think we should be and what we think things should look like, but how the pictures can actually leave us feeling restricted or stuck in our everyday living, out of harmony in our otherwise natural flow and development within life”
We really do need the support of our own love, we aren’t really taught this at all, but it is possible to care for ourselves from this place within. I was always quite caring of others but I had no idea really of my own self nurturing and self love, which has completely changed with the support of Universal Medicine and Esoteric Women’s Health. There is still so much to learn so I appreciate reading this again today and the reminders about compromise.
A supportive home is really important to our daily living, ‘What we found in our new home was that nothing needed to be physically perfect but that saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise. By doing this we found a home that felt truly supportive of us and our daily routines, rituals and rhythms.’
“Nothing needed to be physically perfect but that saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise” – this for me totally exposes the falsity, another layer of compromise, that can so easily sneak in (or actually has sneaked in), when that ‘saying yes’ actually means holding an ideal of sort away from what is being lived, and what I am getting is it is in our livingness that our yes is spoken and registered.
When we are governed by a picture of our expectations it is almost impossible to feel truth.
When we hold pictures we have expectations, and when our pictures don’t get met we get disappointed. To let go of pictures is a constant process for me allowing me an opportunity to be more present and open to what is offered to me.
Yes, I am continually letting go of pictures and expectations, our lives seem to have many of these limiting beliefs.
I’m just considering how much exhaustion exists because of compromising ourselves. I know I compromise myself when I allow someone to overtalk or stay for longer than I felt to.
Great point Aimee – compromise sells both people/parties short. The exhaustion that follows comes from the fact that we have not listened to what was best for ourselves and the other and hence the ‘consequence’ that we feel with the exhaustion.
I can very much relate to what you’ve shared Cherise. I was often going into compromise and later wondered why I felt so awful. It makes so much sense to trust what we feel and allow zero compromise in regards to what is supportive and what is not. When we listen to our inner heart it will always guide us.
I’ve been pondering on what a life without compromise would look like over the last few days, in particular, if we didn’t ever compromise ourselves or our bodies – it’s worth considering where we may compromise in life, I’m finding i’ve actually based my whole life on compromise, and that not compromising is not actually a right, but in fact a responsibility.
What a beautiful line about listening to our inner-most heart “When I hear it I know just what I feel, but when I truly listen – I know a love and a joy that won’t settle for anything less.” We have this immense love inside ourselves, it’s so amazing to be able to reconnect to this and explore and feel exactly how life transforms when we live the love we innately are.
There are two options (and they make a difference): one is to accept less than what we know it feels right and the other one is to accept what we accept based on our own lack of self worth.
I really love and feel inspired by what you say about pictures leaving us feeling restricted or stuck in our development. We like to think we know what is best for us, but really, what our mind can concoct is rather limited compared to what the Universe can offer. We all have experienced how ticking all the boxes of our ideal pictures never brings true contentment. By not compromising on our picture, sticking to the ideal, we are trapping ourselves and compromising on our potentials.
It’s the same in relationships, how we compromise ourselves and what we are expressing to another because we hold a picture of how we need to be together and how the other person needs to respond.
Compromise and pictures creep into many aspects of life, some being very subtle, but all compromise ourself and our evolution.
Its ironic we use the word ‘settled’ when buying a home and the contract status goes to that state. If you’re not able to feel settled in your own home something is really wrong.
If we settle for less and compromise in life in any area, the standards and values we live by can begin to slide and erode away, this is happening everywhere in society so it is super important for us to confirm and honour what feels true.
Compromising is so unhealthy and brings a huge strain, tension (constriction/contraction) inside our body (and all cells). Hence, we should not comprise, we are not made to do so.. Let our ways be allowing to see and discard patterns that we have created that limit our natural fire.
The offering of making the inner, and how we honour the inner a place of no compromise is something I can wholeheartedly agree with, and confirm in myself.
– :”I know a love and a joy that won’t settle for anything less.” we know the value of who we are and the value of what we bring and this is reflected in our surroundings.
“I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart” Our true home where the love deepens and deepens.
Choosing a house is not just another choice. For what the house symbolizes (the body in repose), we cannot but choose a house that allows this to happen with no compromise.
Truly supportive to re read your blog Cherise as we are looking for another home and like you say a lot of pictures and ideals are coming up to look at and to let go. We know there is a home that is perfect for us and we will know it instantly the moment it present itself. And at the moment we just having fun with orientating for our next step.
In settling for anything that we feel is not true, we give our power away as such compromise the love we are, which is our truest guide to living all that we are in full.
Yes, I agree Cherise, we certainly have to feel if a home is constellated for us or if it not as we can feel the difference and therefore it is working against ourselves to compromise.
We are looking for a new home maybe in the next 3 or 6 months and this blog and your comment Kathleen reminds me to not settle for a compromise but to allow what is next to constellate and to trust what I feel.
What struck me today was about finding comfort in pictures. Reading this I can say that yes I have believed to find comfort in pictures, but the experience of how my body feels about pictures has been anything but comfortable in the sense of comfort being a desirable or place once can relax. My body feels very tense when I am holding onto pictures.
This is really key for a self loving foundation, “the space for our honesty, to trust and to honour our feelings”. You have made some great points about how we can make our way through life adhering to pictures, yet if it doesn’t feel right we are compromising. I also appreciated how you expressed that to constantly feel what’s true and to honour that builds a love that carries through to be warmly felt in all areas of life, including the home. Each moment, each decision counts.
Attending presentations by Serge Benhayon has opened awareness to the possibility of living from the truth of our innermost essence. As old hurts and traumas are exposed and healed, so too are the perceived self worth issues deconstructed as the falsity they are – any measurement or comparison fades away from holding this foundation of love.
“when I am full of self-worth, when I know how beautiful I really am and there is absolutely nothing to be measured, then the love I can hold myself and others in and even my home, is immeasurable and without compromise”.
Yes settling for less than what is true is commonplace, so much so that ‘normal human life’ is based on it. Perhaps a full review is required to truly examine how we live as a society and whether less than true has ever truly worked or ever will.
Hear, hear Thomas, very well said and I absolutely agree. Settling for less hasn’t worked for me and I can see it certainly hasn’t worked for humanity. Once we know how each choice affects the next and how amazingly precious we are, it doesn’t make any sense to settle for less in any way.
The last time I moved house I was quite surprised at the process. Before I walked into the house I knew it was my house. There were many things that I didn’t like about the house and it definitely didn’t fit my picture. I got quite focused on what I didn’t’ like but I still knew it was my house. I now own the house and when I think back to how I was I am so surprised as I love the house and it is a huge support.
Even in the very definition of the word it means to accept less for all parties. If I don’t compromise on how I feel everyone receives the joy I feel or the understanding I can bring through following my feelings.
Our true home resides in our inner heart, lovely Cherise, ‘I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart and daily it guides my every way.’
Many people settle for less than what they know is true or honours them, and it is often connected with their lack of self worth, ‘ settling for whatever amount of love I thought I deserved at the time, an amount always measured by my own measure of self-worth.’
I remember when we found the current house we live in, we were thinking of our extended family and having space for them to come and stay as well. It took a lot of time and dedication to find the right space for our budget, and there were many times when we could have compromised, but eventually the perfect one for us came on the market.
It’s seems that the first thing we do is compromise ourselves when we don’t listen to and follow our true feelings and expression. It may seem like it’s happening in the outer world after we make a choice, and it is, but it’s happening inside ourselves first.
I’ve been paying more attention to all the subtle and more obvious ways I compromise. In the past I would have thought of compromise as something you do between two people, or more, and that it was a good thing to compromise… like working together. A big one this week was taking back our new car when I saw that it had been scratched from before we bought it. To start with there was no way I was holding back from taking it to the car dealership and for them to repair it. But it was interesting how coming closer to the time, I could feel an old pattern of ‘it’s all too hard’ and ‘we shouldn’t make a fuss’ come up, which was so clearly asking us to compromise. In the end I saw through it and took the car in, explained what had happened and the Manager could not be more supportive and never once doubted that it happened and is repairing it. It’s amazing what transpires when we claim ourselves and don’t compromise away from truth.
‘I know a love and a joy that won’t settle for anything less.’ When we acknowledge this and don’t compromise this knowing we start to bring true love back in our lives.
Holding this as our standard says that anything less is not ok. This is the way that we grow as we learn to never drop our standards and only every build on them instead.
Thank you Cherise – compromising is the false and accepted form that resides in family life. Hence we should question the truth about family and what we have convinced ourselves it to be.
Very important question to consider Danna. In some cultures, compromise is how some show their love, how they express that they care. There is no right or wrong, or that this is true for us but like sport can be a big thing in families so can compromising.
True Danna, compromise can be in so many areas of our lives. This blog has raised a lot to consider.
and from this.. we are being asked to stand in our authority of our knowing of who we are and not compromise it in any way shape or form. it is as it is.
We brought a nice big house in the country but I never felt right living there, and then later on other members of the family said the same. It turned out that we picked it for the wrong reasons and it never did support us fully. Thankfully we only stayed there two years and moved into our current house, which when we walked into the living room we knew instantly that we wanted this house – this time it was a joint decision.
A very relatable story. It’s really important to stay true to what we feel is important to us in a home. The process of looking for a home can be challenging at times particularly as you’re often only given 5 minutes to get a feel for the place and decide if you want to live in it for an extended period of time. Compromising will often lead to resentment down the track and simply isn’t worth it. There is an element of being practical of course, and just because you want the house that costs $1m to rent a week and ticks all the boxes, doesn’t mean you go for it, because if you can’t afford it, then it won’t support you.
My daughter is house hunting at the moment and it will be her first house. I intend to send her this blog as it feels very supportive.
‘I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart’, this is a timely reminder for me today and perfect to take into my day.
This theme of feeling like we don’t deserve something or that others needs are more important than our own is a very insidious one that plays out in lots of ways. I know that honouring my truth and how I am feeling and the instant knowing I get in every situation builds this self worth.
Something I have observed in myself of Kate is how quickly I will react and start to compromise my original joy, steadiness and purpose when I feel an imposition or force which is asking me to be otherwise. My question to myself is, what then would life be like if I didn’t have such a quick reaction reflex and instead gave space and observed what was going on in such situations with feeling the need to contract, comply and make others feel more comfortable.
It is very easy to compromise as we do this from thoughts, ideals or beliefs, many that leave us feeling less than and unworthy. It is very powerful to read this article and feel that self worth, respect and appreciation was the energy this home was selected with. Empowering, as this solid loving foundation is what the family now lives in and with every day.
This is a gorgeous reminder Cherise ‘my true home resides in my inner heart’. So very true as I have travelled extensively with my work for many years always staying in hotels and I always feel very much at home everywhere I go because of this.
‘…even though there was a feeling in ourselves that was asking for the space for our honesty, to trust and to honour our feelings?’ What a beautiful way of describing how we override what we feel inside.
Wow, it seems I read this blog post exactly a month ago, and interesting what has developed since. I’m currently looking for a place to live and I’m having to really remind myself that holding on to pictures of what that looks like just doesn’t work. It’s brick wall after brick wall when we try to control everything. It can take some time to navigate not compromising and not being controlling at the same time. But with practice, we get do start to feel more into what will be most supportive for us.
A great reminder of how we compromise and settle for less, when we truly know what is true for us, I love your example that you share and how through being true to yourselves and not allowing pictures in your mind to take the lead, and the realisation that it is the connection we have with ourselves from the inside that reflects the outside and as such we are always at home.
This is a huge topic. We have been so conditioned to believe that we need to compromise always on everything because life isn’t easy and you can’t just expect to get what you want. I for one have always compromised myself and compromised on things to keep the peace, or because I didn’t want to feel greedy by getting exactly what I wanted or mostly, under all of that I have compromised or settled because I didn’t feel worthy of what it was I actually wanted and knew would support me. Thankfully I am turning this right around now and being far less apologetic for going for exactly what it is I want, and surprisingly if feels much more supportive to do this and I feel less and less like I’m being spoilt and asking for too much.
In disconnection to our heart we compromise that which is the very essence of our being, that place that when connected it feels so familiar that is like coming back home, coming back to our soul.
So many of us settle for less and in doing so deny us the potential of what is possible at the expense of all. I love that you have exposed how the pictures we have of how we think life should be, restrict us and keep us from the natural flow that allows things to unfold exactly as they are meant to for our own evolution…. And as you said we only need to say yes to what feels right, for in that, we say no to choosing less.
My husband and I are currently looking for a new home and whilst out looking I have often reflected on your blog and the gems of wisdom in it.
“Over the years, I have certainly compromised my own feelings – for others, for situations, to fit in or be liked….”. These opening words of your gorgeous blog could have easily been written by me, and many others too I am sure. For I had learned the art of compromise as a child which had become deeply entrenched by adulthood, when I constantly gave away what I wanted just to keep others happy. No wonder life was a challenge and I was sick a lot; not a very loving way to live at all. Today I still catch myself almost beginning the compromising process but I am able to grab it quickly and then make the next choice from the love of me instead.
The more we connect to that love the more we feel we are worth valuing and loving. The more we hold onto a focus of how life should be that is void of our feelings then the more those pictures that come with an undertone of ‘this is more important than me’ remain. So simple and yet while in the pictures we have no awareness that honouring or valuing what we feel is even possible. The more I value and honour my feelings the more I value and honour everyone else and everything else in my life and this is something that needs constant attention I am finding.
Any move is an opportunity for change be that a shift within in your home by actually decluttering and cleaning it out to formally move residences as both force you to look around at what you are carrying and storing unnecessarily and thus what you can let go of.
I have also been deeply inspired by the presentations of Serge Benhayon and it is true Cherise – our true home is within us always.
“Through being inspired by the presentations of Serge Benhayon, and Universal Medicine I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart and daily it guides my every way.”
“I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart”. I love this Cherise. So we can go anywhere, taking our true selves with us wherever we go, reflecting this out to everyone we meet – without compromise…..
Imagine a life with no compromise – that would be spectacular. There’s so many millions of little things we compromise on in a day, if all this compromise stopped then the quality of our lives would be incredible.
Yes Meg, a life without compromise would be awesome, what a great way to start to live this more each day and watch how our quality and love expands.
Yeh I think the best way to start is if we begin to consider all the little ways we compromise in life – from the moment we get up to the moment we go to sleep – it would be a great experiment.
The method used in finding a new home should be applied to all decision making.
I appreciate your simple message here to check in with our self-worth and see whether how we are living is loving and supportive, or if we have compromised our living environment to be less than supportive.
Great points Cherise, making choices based on what will be the most supportive to ourselves.
How much compromise do we put up with in life? If we really stop to look at just how much we may feel imposed upon or impose ourselves onto others via held pictures of how it is thought that things should be or look, we get to see just how much of life is lived from these pictures and not from the simplicity and joy or our natural way of being; which is to not compromise ourselves and thus move to a rhythm that is ours, from here we clearly flow towards and with others also allowing them to be themselves too.
Living with no compromise was not something I considered possible until I met Serge Benhayon as up until that point compromise was probably constant in my life. It was dressed up in being polite, being nice, putting others before myself, saying yes instead of no, accepting less than I was worth in terms of work….the list goes on. Now however I am recognising this was all simply a refection of my relationship with myself and as this relationship has developed compromise has become less of an option. Thank you Chersie, and this is a reminder that honouring our truth is what matters “What we found in our new home was that nothing needed to be physically perfect but that saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise.”
Our love is to be lived and never to be compromised, sold out or given away for anything as there is nothing (ever) worth selling out for; and yet we have all found ourselves doing so. To return to our innermost way of being and to live this comes with an authority that we may have locked away for a long time, but it’s never too late to let it be seen and lived once again.
As I’m looking for a home at the moment I sense the most important bit in it all is that its got to feel right, more so than ticking all the boxes of what a perfect home would look like. That it can hold me and my family in it, that it gives the space for us to evolve in, that it supports us wholly in every way. That it has all the essentials needed. And yes, this is something that I will no longer compromise on.
It is often said in relationships that ‘compromise is a must and a good thing’ but is it really…? What if life is all about our evolution and relationship with ourselves and honouring this to the end degree, without perfection of course, and from here all of our relationships with everything else are simply taken care of. Something for us all to ponder on, as the quality we are with us determines the quality we will move in thereafter and so is a compromise on this really worth it for anyone involved? Surely those around us want to meet and be met by us in the quality of essence that we are and not anything false just to play the part or to fit in.
It all stems back to trusting and listening to our own heart and then moving from there. Our loving connection is what will guide us home. Thank you Cherise.
To compromise is to reject what we know is true. The building we live in is bricks and mortar and we can choose to fill the space we live in with love with no compromise.
I love how you claim this ‘I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart’ and with this there can be no compromise.
In the past compromise has bedevilled my life, so often going along with what others wanted to not rock the boat but as I have become more honest what I have found is that expressing how I feel has often opened up the conversation to find a different and better solution to the problem that was being addressed. When my daughter moved back in with me after many years away it was interesting to see how the space reconfigured to support us both and how since she moved out I have been gradually making changes that support where I am at currently. Even though I have not physically moved for many years the more I connect to what feels right for me the more my home is supporting my evolution.
“How many times have we gone along with something or someone, even though there was a feeling in ourselves that was asking for the space for our honesty, to trust and to honour our feelings?” How many indeed! For me it used be be pretty much all the time, whereas nowadays, since being inspired to listen to and connect to my body by Serge Benhayon, I now find that in those moments when I do override my body’s impulses, I feel so uncomfortable that I cannot ignore the feeling and so have to look at what just happened and get really honest with myself about it.
It is an awesome thing to consider…what is truly right for me? I have to be honest and admit that many of my decisions have been…what can I put up with and not fall apart? This is hardly a foundation of love. How beautiful it would be to choose what truly supports me and the space I need.
Trust and not compromising for anything less than what is true allows us the simplicity and clarity to stay on purpose.
Whenever we are connected to the Love from with our heart we are truly home. As from here all we do is a reflection of the great Love we are and so wherever we are, we are home.
In our society we are constantly asked to put our connection to our Love within aside, and instead follow the pictures, ideals and beliefs that are deemed as ‘normal’ to guide us to make decisions through life. Yet these concepts have all developed from a collective settlement for less, and limit us from being guided by a far greater understanding and knowing of what is needed for us to be lovingly supported to grow and evolve.
Cherise, right from the start you offer so much to consider. In the first paragraph a powerful revelation is shared – ‘settling for whatever amount of love I thought I deserved at the time, an amount always measured by my own measure of self-worth.’ It is when we measure Love that we can be sure that we have left the Love we are in essence, and have begun compromise and settle for less than Love. As true Love itself cannot ever be measured.
We need to be careful when we feel pressured to compromise anything as this can mean that we are merely tolerating or putting up with something that is not in our best interest.
Absolutely when we say yes to compromising we are saying no to our true selves and hence, yes to being less than who we are. What quality are we then bringing to the situation, our day or our lives when we do this? Is it our responsibility to not compromise ourselves so that the quality we are living is assured to be all of the essence of who we are, and then THIS is what we bring to everything else.
This is a confirmation and an appreciation, a joy in fact, of honouring my feelings when I have been looking for a flat to rent. We can easily go into our head as say ‘ but oh this, that, maybe with a lick of paint or once I have my stuff in’ – but we know straight away from our bodies, before we get there and the moment we walk in whether a property is right for us or not.
Thank you – I am not accepting less ever again.
I work as property manager in a real estate office and the rental market has become increasingly difficult over the last few years – a much higher demand and very few properties available for rent. The pressure and anxiety this places on prospective tenants is huge and most of them make many compromises in order to just get a roof over their heads. Some of them are faced with the heart-breaking decision of re-housing their pets in order to increase their chances of finding a rental home. When I tell them to trust that the right place will come along I often see disbelief and despair in their eyes. It is very difficult to observe and not absorb in these moments but it is a work in progress.
My life has always been full of comprises as I believed that was just how life was meant to be. This was what I observed in my home as I was growing up and also in the workplace and beyond. Compromise is huge – it is everywhere! It was not until I became a student of Universal Medicine that I began to understand that the foundation for compromise is based on lack of self-worth.
Over the years I have compromised my home on many levels, but most of all the compromise is on an energetic level. When I don’t pick up on an energy that has been let in, whether that be a guest or one of the family being off, then I am not honouring the space that we all eat, sleep and live in.
Thank you Cherise for such a great blog, I especially love this simple and beautiful reminder ‘saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise’. Well said, and when we live in this way I find it is easier to honour how we truly feel.
I Like that – its not that something has to be physically perfect, yet the feeling inside of ‘yes’ is the bit that does have to feel perfect. If we ignore a doubt or a sense in our bodies that something is not quite as it seems then we ignore our greatest marker for truth, and bury ourselves in a(nother) situation that is not truly what will support us.
I love the title of this blog “a home without compromise” because immediately I read that title my whole body feels the truth of how important it is to not compromise when it comes to our home but also when it comes to our other home which is our body. Not compromising is not about getting our own way but about valuing what is important for us and honouring that.
Sometimes that which feels right cannot necessarily be argued in logical terms but I find that it always makes sense, in the sense that all my senses/my body agree to my decision.
“It is like being on a grand adventure to discover a new country within myself.” I love this Ariana, so very true, there is so much to explore within ourselves.
Having moved homes recently it is clear your statement that “your true home resides in your inner heart” is very true. When the safety of your four walls is taken away, and the process of establishing yourself in a new space is underway, if you aren’t connected to your inner heart, it can be a rocky ride.
I love this Cherise, “I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart”. Me too.
Compromising is often seen as being ‘reasonable’, and although there is no perfection as such we can honour ourselves deeply and trust what we feel.
It is such an easy thing to take things for granted and in that compromising on how we would like to live, when we choose that what fully supports our wait life we know we can grow, when we choose a place out of compromise we actually make the choice to not live all that we are. I can feel how this makes such a difference in everything in life actually all choices shouldn’t be compromising our quality.
It can be very easy to end up in the “that will do” mind set when searching for a home. But there is an aspect of ourselves that can be tapped into and give us far more information about whether a place is suitable for us: our own feelings. We can discern whether some place is right for us if we know how to recognise what we feel when we go into a space. It is not something that we all do, but it can be developed by anyone.
It is absolutely about that it feels right. It is the most important thing. I recently was looking for a apartment to rent with my husband and the place we found was physically very good but not perfect yet there was this feeling of it just feeling so right that I had no doubt getting it. Still to see how it is to live there and am very much looking forward to it.
You are so right, there is so much more to our home than 4 walls and the physical stuff that fills it, it’s about the quality and the warmth and whether it will truly support us to grow and evolve and love more deeply every day.
When you walk into someone’s home you can literally feel the quality of how they are living their everyday being reflected from their very walls, a quality that is completely unrelated to the expense of the home and the expense of the furniture within. In some you feel an embracing warmth and their love, in others you feel their clutter and disorganisation, and in others you can actually feel their disharmony and even alittle cold. It’s quite fascinating really.
It’s so important to have a home that we can love and cherish ourselves in and surrender deeply and completely. This sets us up to be ourselves in the rest of our lives, when we leave the house and head out into the world. Without a stable and surrendered home life we are making the rest of life difficult for ourselves.
I love coming back to your blog Cherise, it is such a gentle yet powerful reminder of the destruction caused when we compromise; energy that effects ourselves and others. Thank you for sharing your experiences and for supporting us to a new level of understanding.
To compromise is something we basically learn from very young, it is something we deem as normal. But as your example so beautifully shows, when we listen to what we know is true/feels right for us we do not need to settle for anything less.
We are so used to compromising in our lives, and to understand now what this has done to the way we live is great, and as this blog points out, how it is possible to live in a way that does NOT compromise what is truly us.
How gorgeous and divine that you know your true home lies within your inner heart, what you have written here is beautiful, powerful and true;
“When I connect to the warmth and love that exists vibrantly within my own heart, I know what loving choices I can make to support my everyday way of living”
“…saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise.” This is massive and has the ability to take a lot of pressure and mental energy out of each and every situation.
So true, to say that in many parts of our life we choose compromise. While we always know that we deserve much more than a compromise. It is beautiful that you share your experience, it gives me the possibility to feel what I need in this point in time. And not compromise on anything because of my own feeling of worth, building the self-worth is so important in this.
Our homes are places that constantly show others the way we live. There is no hiding this to any visitor.
I have recently had an experience of the box ticking exercise that turned out to be a nightmare and huge learning. We found some business premises that ticked all the boxes, great location, new building perfect for the new business we wanted to set up. As the weeks and months went by there was one problem after another and nothing flowed each time we thought we had solved one problem another would appear, nothing massive but it should have sent the alarm bells ringing, but instead we carried on. The building fitted an image we had created and this over-rode all the other things that were going on around. In the end we had to pull out and once we did I could feel we had been caught by an image and not what was true for the business or for us. At the same time as this was happening we found a home sold a house and we are about to move into an amazing new home, everything that just flowed amazingly well. It was a huge learning and a great reflection of making true choices.
‘I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart’ -this is very supportive and a great reminder for me today. When my foundation feels a bit wobbly and my connection to me is struggling I often find myself moving around my home clearing mess or re-organising parts of my home. This helps me to gather myself , to re-claim me. The reminder that my home resides in me carries a beautiful warmth and truth of who I truly am and that the connection is never lost but is always there.
Re-reading your blog Cherise today I deeply appreciate the beauty of what you are describing here and I absolutely agree –” it is clear to see that a loving home is simply a reflection of the quality that is being lived between its four walls. When I connect to the warmth and love that exists vibrantly within my own heart, I know what loving choices I can make to support my everyday way of living – to bring that warmth through my livingness each day, to my home, my family and far beyond without compromise.”.
What my friend and I learnt from the space that we founded together was just how supportive and evolving it was for us both. We distinctly recall the time where we began to feel a little bit comfortable, in the sense that we were feeling the harmony and love between us and our walls but we were also becoming kind of settled in what we had. Within the next week we had another friend on our doorstep to ask if she could live with us; at first we thought ‘what extra room do we have?’ but actually we had abundant room to share and this was the exact next step of growing as a couple and a group that we were ready for. From there it’s changed again to be a group of four of us and the way the birds sing outside confirms to us just how amazing it all really is.
What we found in our new home was that nothing needed to be physically perfect but that saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise. By doing this we found a home that felt truly supportive of us and our daily routines, rituals and rhythms.’
Beautiful Cherise – no compromising.
Cherise it is great to return to this blog and read your sharing once again. I have had thoughts of moving sometime in the future to something smaller. Looking at the way you listened to your inner heart and didn’t deviate from that, and therefor ending up with a home that suits you and your friend so well is inspiring. and as you say ” I now know my true home resides in my inner heart”.
This blows out of the water the pictures and ideas we have about the perfect home. Real estate and the housing and associated industries are built on people’s longing for a home that will fulfill that yearning — that the perfect home will give us that place of deep rest we long for. But that cannot happen until we first claim the home within ourselves. Once we know we are truly home having reconnected to our soul, our home can reflect and confirm our inner warmth. Our physical home can support us enormously in our day to day rhythms but only deeply so when we know our true home is always within.
‘saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise.’ I love what you say here Cherise, full empowerment and a yes to yourself as well. Often when we have chosen the compromise, we then feel the need to justify it. Again, well said.
Well and simply said and our reaction is a further choice from the same ‘held-back’ or contracted energy that we made the initial choice from in the first place; thus keeping us longer in a created way of living that does not feel true and quite simply longer in the delay of living our true potential which is full of truth and love.
Aah so true Brendan and the more we compromised, the bigger the reaction because you are dealing with the situation and also dealing with the hurt of choosing what is not true.
A very timely writing as im searching for a new home. As I look around I feel there are many areas that I’ve accepted less than what is truly honouring for myself. Now more than ever these areas are being exposed. The more I feel my gorgeousness the more I am able to live in a way and make choices that really support me.
“What we found in our new home was that nothing needed to be physically perfect but that saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise.”
This is beautiful. The power this gives too, because everything that is not supportive falls away leaving only the true way.
Ah compromise. I spent so long believing that this was a sign of a healthy relationship. How wrong I was! I now know that there are only 2 options – what is true and what is not. When I choose what is not I can be certain that complication, emotion and stress will follow. When I choose what is true It is supportive for everybody including myself. There is a connection to purpose and a commitment to love and evolution.
I agree Leonne, if I choose what is not true, it’s a big complicated mess! When I choose what I truly feel there is enormous space and grace that supports me throughout the day enormously regardless of what might be taking place around me.
I know exactly what you mean Katerina. Sometimes something that is not true can seem like the easy option in the beginning, however, the complication shows itself soon enough. Even just the uneasy feeling I get when I choose to lie to myself is reason enough to simply choose again and choose truth.
To live without compromising the truth is something that is worth working for. For truth to be truth it has to be in all areas of our life and not just the areas we are comfortable with.
Trusting what we feel without compromise, what an inspiring, simple few words to live by.
Trusting what we feel and acting on that impulse/feeling is the key as you have highlighted Cherise, thank you.
What I am learning is that when I feel like I cannot trust my feelings and have self-doubt it is simply exposing the fact that I am already living in a way that I know not to be my fullness therefore less than true.
“It is clear to see that a loving home is simply a reflection of the quality that is being lived between its four walls. When I connect to the warmth and love that exists vibrantly within my own heart, I know what loving choices I can make to support my everyday way of living – to bring that warmth through my livingness each day, to my home, my family and far beyond without compromise” – I love this. The biggest compromise we make is in the way we live our each and every day – by not living in the quality and to the potential we are born with, and not in whether what we are presented with and our consequential choices match with what we perceive we deserve. It all comes back to the livingness.
I love coming back to this blog Cherise, what you are saying makes so much sense. I have applied this “no compromise” way in other areas of my life and it works – saying no to whats not 100% makes way for the real deal.
“a loving home is simply a reflection of the quality that is being lived between its four walls”. Simple yet very true and profound Cherise.
Thanks Cherise, to be able to feel and honour the inner knowing that something doesn’t quite feel right is a truly wonderful thing. Now that I am make decisions more based on how I feel rather than making compromises, I realize that there can be much learnt about ourselves in every decision we make.
Our home should be without compromise.For it is the house of repose and appreciation for our bodies to rejuvenate and settle.
I always thought that we had to compromise to get on with those around us, but now I feel that when we express lovingly what we need without compromise, things configure in an harmonious way to work out the way they should. So compromise is a way of being controlling and thinking that we have to be in charge of an outcome rather than allowing things to unfold.
‘… it is clear to see that a loving home is simply a reflection of the quality that is being lived between its four walls’. Your words are not only true but exquisitely written. Beautiful blog thankyou Cherise.
Its true Cherise. A house can have all the mod cons, be furnished and decorated stylishly and look very flash but those that live there may have relationships that are stagnated, based on arrangements or even loveless. So in effect all that glitters can fake and feel empty. A true home is full of love and has foundations based on the ever evolving relationships of all who reside there…. it does not matter what it looks like in a material or physical sense for it is what is felt within those 4 walls that counts. But what can be even more beautiful is that the love and evolution that emanates from this home has a ripple effect that can be shared equally with the all.
I have to admit I am still learning to trust my feelings or have faith in what I feel to be true, but when it all boils down to it if we can’t trust and go with how we feel about things we really can’t trust in much. So not settling for anything less than what we feel is the way to go.
Well said Brendan – there will always be the effects of compromise until such point that we honour our bodies in full and claim this. Our bodies know what the truth is, they are a great maker for this,we can fight this with our minds, but at the end of the day, truth will continue to present itself.
Well said and very clever Brendan. It is true inteligence we rise from. It is lies that allows us to drop. The choice is ours.
Revisiting this blog that has supported in many areas of my life, this sentence stood out for me today: “I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart and daily it guides my every way. When I hear it I know just what I feel, but when I truly listen – I know a love and a joy that won’t settle for anything less.”
So true and this example can be found in many activities and images we interact in and hang on to…”What we were able to expose for ourselves in our house-hunting was just how comfortable the pictures really are of where we think we should be and what we think things should look like,” I live in house that I did not ‘think’ I would live in, it wasn’t my sort of house on paper, but I saw it there on the internet and it kept on saying hello, so to speak, so I came to see it and I felt yes, I can live here. It is important to question those pictures we have about our lives.
Absolutely Samantha, when we realize that we restrict the magic of the unthinkable to happen by holding on to pictures.
As simply as this, we can’t override when we do feel truly drawn to something either. With our expanding family household, we are on the look for another home at this time and it is another opportunity to really ground our knowing that we don’t have to actively search per say, but rather continue to build our relationships within our current home; between ourselves and with all objects here and express already the future that we are stepping forth into for the new place. We’re evolving!
Thank you Cherise for such a beautiful sharing and a reminder to never settle for less or compromise in anyway and we will always be provided for in amazing ways when we stay connected to the love within and around us.
Gorgeous Anna, and how this goes for every aspect of life. Just recently whilst seeking a General Practitioner to support me and my body I saw 3 different Doctors, until today I met one who really met me and whom supported me in a way that for me confirmed that I wasn’t compromising. This confirmation is equally available in every choice we make.
I love that Anna – as it is our gift to be connected to the love we are – is like receiving presents everyday – as our love is endless and we will forever receive and give. Thank you.
True Cherise Holt. We must never ever settle for less. When we enjoy our very selves, we can not but feel satisfied with ourselves – bringing in a need is not wise as it makes us feel empty and wrong. I now understand where wrong and right has come from.. simply an ignorance of divine truth. We are never wrong or right, we are always choosing and these choices either confirm us or not in our divine love.
This is super wise Danna, we have constant choices to make to be in the quality of ourselves and life that we want or to choose the opposite. Neither is wrong, but one way is true to us and our nature and the other is a mixed bag of messiness and complication that we just don’t need.
Yes, and in our hearts this might feel wrong as it is a different current than is actually flowing through our body – as a fish that is swimming against the current. Although it can be a good thing when looked at society, to swim against the current, in this example it relates to how we can do things against our divine knowing – which feels of course not divine and ‘perceived as wrong’. But, if looked at the truth in life and knowing that from everything we can and do learn even if this has contributed to separation from our divine knowing , we have learned that we must never step back from it and come back to our divine power. Divine power for me = meaning whatever you feel that is Grand and Great and possibly bigger then we can imagine.Thank you Cherise Holt!
Cherise, this blog is so relevant to dating too. I have just started dating someone and can feel how I can not fully honour myself to keep another happy or have thoughts of ‘I don’t deserve a certain level of love’ etc.
Beautifully expressed Danna Elmalah, The complication of right or wrong are distractions and excuses in themselves, rather than feeling how we are either connected or not, to our knowing of what feels true “We are never wrong or right, we are always choosing and these choices either confirm us or not in our divine love.” So often getting caught in who is right or wrong or being right or wrong leads to separation and brings a denseness and lack of understanding, reframing how we approach and feel truth, obliterates the myth of right or wrong.
Absolutely well said Samantha, it brings in a huge denseness and lack of awareness too! Somehow situations we are unable to see and cope with, all because when we allow our choice to be about wrong or right – we loose trust and understanding because we deny our first impress and feeling. Therefore it is much more important to stay with what you feel that worry about if it is right or wrong. Thank you.
Love this realization Danna: ‘I now understand where wrong and right has come from.. simply an ignorance of divine truth. We are never wrong or right, we are always choosing and these choices either confirm us or not in our divine love.’
Yes Diana – it is so simple! It is only us that make it complex at times. Good news – we can change it..
So true Danna, we absolutely can.
“We are never wrong or right, we are always choosing and these choices either confirm us or not in our divine love” – this is stunning, Danna. This presents the real grandness of the love we swim in.
I love that: this presents the real grandness of the love we swim in. As this shows us that we are never without love.
This again is beautiful Danna, thank you. All is a learning and whilst we can easily make choices that we can see are or were unnecessary in the sense that we did know at the time we were overriding our sense of truth, it is not a place to bring in hardness or self-abuse; to do so would only concrete the unnecessary further delay from returning to our delicateness and compassionate understanding of life and energy plus choices once again.
Well said Cherie Holt, when we explore that we have been overriding our truth – all we can do is hold ourselves in love, and understand why we had chosen to do so. It is as you say not a place to bring in hardness or critique. Beautifully said. Which is otherwise – again- a form of self-abuse. And that is just not what we need. As otherwise we will add to abuse instead of defeat.
I love this part Cherise ‘When I connect to the warmth and love that exists vibrantly within my own heart, I know what loving choices I can make to support my everyday way of living – to bring that warmth through my livingness each day, to my home, my family and far beyond without compromise.’ We know everything when we are truly connected.
We absolutely do Kathryn and from here we find ourselves in the spaciousness of life far more than we do caught up in time and we are able to feel more and more clearly from our sense of what is true in every small moment and detail, again building our space that is filled with us and making it less about thinking or analysing or even planning what is next to come.
It’s so easy to settle and compromise, I’ve found that if I’m not feeling my full worth I’m happy to settle, my trust in the fact that I am totally provided for can’t easily be felt and I’m making choices out of fear, anxiety or pictures I have created. The more I care and bring love in my life the more I feel the fact I am totally provided for and I need not fear.
You bring in the trust Kim and I really like that. That feeling that we are provided for and taken care of is a way of living where we know that we are being held and that whatever is needed right in this moment, it is there. And if it is not, than apparently we don’t need it (even though we might think we do……)
Yes I love those words too..”to bring in the trust’. Showing that there is a place for this in all that we express.
This is so true Kim and I’ve found the same… whenever I’m not feeling my full worth, I tend to compromise my own behaviours and also accept less in relation to the behaviours of others and in my relationships. However the more I feel and accept my full worth, the less fear I have of failing or not meeting the expectations of others, and the more trust I have in both myself and others.
This knowing that all will be provided as is needed for us is a big one as so many go into the insecurity of not trusting what will come. The key is in our understanding that our responsibility is to not only stay with the fullness and quality of who we are, to move, express and communicate from our fullness but to equally prepare our bodies and maintain them in a loving (flowing) energy too. This is our part to play and when we choose this we are in absoluteness and ‘trust’ doesn’t even come into the picture! in our absolute knowing all else is taken care of for us.
You have beautifully brought it back to our responsibility to care for our bodies so absoluteness can be easily felt, and in turn trust become an incredible side effect.
I can so relate to what you have shared here Kim, it’s always that feeling of anxiousness and being worried about the future/what might happen instead of bringing all of us to things and then making our choices from there.
When we bring all of us it exposes the illusion we are choosing to live in, that being that we need to be fearful and in control of the the outcome. The only true control we have is to be present in our movements so we can choose the path that is already laid out before us.
Another note to add is the feeling of surrender and how the more I feel my worth, trust my absoluteness surrendering to the greater plan is much easier.
Yes Kim, well said ‘The more I care and bring love in my life the more I feel the fact I am totally provided for and I need not fear.’
Beautiful Cherise, when we get ourselves out of the way magic can happen. We can have so many pictures and plans that can cloud our path it’s great to be reminded that it’s already laid out before us if we chose to listen.
I love this Kim because it removes from the equation the investment we carry of how things are meant to be or supposed to look or happen, there is a plan naturally in place when we consistently choose to honour and read for ourselves and thus make the choices to not hold back or express what is our truth.
Spot on Cherise, when we move in a way that knows the path is already laid ahead of us we are moving with the breath of God.
Beautiful and true Kim, this is the trust that is possible when we live in a way that is fully connected to our inner hearts and thus to the love that we are.
Beautifully said Kim. Clouding our path with our expectations and pictures of what we want life around us to look like can blur and distort the truth of what is there for us to see.
I have a situation at the moment were I’m seeing how my pictures and expectations are clearly in the way. I have this stubbornness that believes it knows the answer, in believing this stubbornness I can feel how I have left no space for the plan that already is to be lived. It’s a form of controlling and delaying all that is already done. Surrendering to the greater plan seems to be the key for me and always coming back to trusting that whatever the plan is, is what I need next for my evolution.
This is a huge realisation Kim, as the fullness and ease that is brought to our lives when we simply surrender to knowing that all will unfold or be taken care of as it is already planned. We can feel the simplicity and spaciousness with this and from here it is exposed just how much we have accumulated and actively sought complication and delay to not have this be our way of life. From here we are always left with a very clear understanding and thus a choice in life as to which quality of energy we choose to live and to run us.
Well said Suse, and as I just shared with Cherise, delayed what plan is already laid before us.
‘…settling for whatever amount of love I thought I deserved at the time, an amount always measured by my own measure of self-worth. But when I am full of self-worth, when I know how beautiful I really am and there is absolutely nothing to be measured,’ Beautiful Cherise. This is what happens all the time on a subconscious level, keeping ourselves small, feeling unworthy of love. Confronting stuff.
Trusting what we feel without compromise is a great exercise. For so long we overrode what we felt for the logical, intelligent way and now we are returning to a natural way of being and feeling energy.
Yes, it is our clairsentience, our ability to read energy, that is our greatest sense in life and yet without activating this natural ability we fall for, and indulge in, the illusions that many beliefs and idealistic ways of thinking have us set in. We are who we are by the energy we are aligned to and everything that happens is because of energy and so to leave this imperative aspect out of our lives makes no sense.
‘We are who we are by the energy we are aligned to and everything that happens is because of energy and so to leave this imperative aspect out of our lives makes no sense.’ This is beautiful Cherise, bringing it back to the simplicity of ‘what energy do we choose?’
I find that when I am trying to please another and override my inner feelings, the decisions are often not that great. Pleasing another person in this way is usually about my own self worth and my choice to not express the truth but when the truth is expressed it also honours the other person.
Cherise, thank you for the reminder about not settling for less, and not compromising on what we know to be true.
I have been more and more “Trusting What I Feel Without Compromise”. This has really helped me build my confidence, at the same time stand in my powerfulness to inspire others. Through not wavering and staying solid has been a great reflection, that we all know and we need to trust our feelings. I have had many experiences at work and my relationships with trusting my feelings.
This is great Amita, because to live this honouring way with ourselves really does build our confidence and trust in who we are and the presence we hold. When we receive the impulse to say or do something that is from our essence and we choose to honour it straight away we immediately feel the blessings this brings and we naturally ask for more, to do the opposite or hold back from what we’ve felt only breeds the opposite, a pool of self doubt or a lack of confidence in who we are.
A loving home is simply a reflection of the quality which is being lived in within four walls. I can fully relate to that line. I just had my kitchen and whole floor around it redone. I gave it all of me, taking care of the details, no compromises, neither perfection. The total result is so loving, upto the detail. Everyone can feel it when they step into my house. They can feel 100+ loving choices. And I am just loving the reflection every day I enter my kitchen.
Beautifully expressed, Cherise.
This is such an interesting statement ” I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart and daily it guides my every way. When I hear it I know just what I feel, but when I truly listen – I know a love and a joy that won’t settle for anything less.” I can fell from that sentence that you know this very strongly from your body. Choosing your next home has been the conduit to bring you this awareness. It is something I am developing, refining and understanding constantly.
Feeling what is needed and not just settling for what presents itself is so empowering. It frees us up for possibilities we could never have thought of when we stayed in the picture we held.
Beautiful sharing Cherise. When we trust in our own feelings and express from there, the world opens up from this love and the support is there waiting. When we share the love that resides within us already our homes reflect that. What an amazing reflection for all.
Life is geared to fitting in, we learn from young that it feels uncomfortable if we feel left out, and don’t fit in with everyone else. I can remember when I was young how difficult it was to express what I was feeling, so it was easier to go along with everyone else even though it did not feel true for me. The more I am able to express how I feel, the less I feel I need to compromise and fit in with what is going on around me.
So gorgeous Alison, to take this deeper for me I am learning how it is that I hold the qualities of true brotherhood and as such have twisted my perception of this to be about fitting in, no one wants to be alone right?!
This twist is often used by people to hold back their natural grandness and beauty in the world, for fear of rejection but the truth is that when we are glorious and loveliness we are true reflections that light the way out of the twisted games that occur and back into the truth of what true brotherhood, harmony and relationships can be all about.
How many times have I said “it will do just fine,” ‘this is good enough’, or ‘yes, if you want’? Compromising to be liked and accepted was an ingrained pattern from which I am emerging. Feeling and expressing in full is helping me to not give my power away. Strangely enough the more I respect myself the more respect I have for others.
This doesn’t sound strange at all Patricia, for how much we love, honour and respect ourselves is the exact amount that we then have for others. It is impossible for it to be any other way.
I just realized that I am often either controlling situations resulting in being demanding or feeling small and settling for whatever suits the other best, believing I don’t mind either way. I now feel myself opening up to truly check in with myself from now on and feel what is supporting for me in any given situation.
I love this too Brendan, honouring what is felt and confirming this through our next movements is a steady way of building a foundation for ourselves in our home that then supports us in our workplaces, our cars, in all our relationships and in fact all of daily life. When we read the energy in our surroundings and choose all that supports and honours our natural way of expanding and expressing we only ever allow more and more of this to take place, gorgeously so.
The more we find our home inside ourselves and the more we make our choices from what we are feeling deep inside, the easier it will be to find a home that is truly supporting us in being who we really are instead of supporting our patterns, needs and expectations.
Yes true, and the more we connect to ourselves and make choices from the loving connection we are and offer it is amazing how our surroundings, work, home and everything in between supports us more and more to expand this connection and grow.
“it is clear to see that a loving home is simply a reflection of the quality that is being lived between its four walls”, this Is so profound, how important it is to the depth of the quality of love lived and reflected in each and every moment which is the reflection of the love felt in the home.
Yes, and we can’t help but feel it, it’s only choosing to be aware of or deny our responsibility with this that is our real choice. The important thing too is that we don’t have to improve on our way of living or try hard to make anything happen or change, but when we allow ourselves to observe our choices and reconnect to a quality that feels deeply loving and true for us we naturally emanate and reflect this in our home and everywhere else that we are.
The comprise we allow in our lives is so demeaning to our self worth. It is like “that will do”, we tell ourselves. We live with the struggle and the being less attitude. It brings more unhappiness to our lives and to hold back like that and not live in full is very hard to manage over a long period of time. In time it can no longer be lived and the result can be explosive for us and other around us.
We must learn and begin to trust that living half a life will never do.
So true Gail and this blog made me ponder more deeply on just how many areas in our lives we have become accustomed to compromising on – I came to the conclusion that in truth our entire lives are a compromise if we are not living in according to who we truly are. By making choices from what we feel to be true from within we begin to do this and become an expression of this for others to feel to.
We do compromise everywhere when we are not living in connection to our true inner quality and in appreciation of the beauty that we are. There is a truth to the fact that when we initially begin to choose to just be ourselves and not hold this back we may begin with certain people or those closest to us that we are trusting or intimate with; and the beautiful thing is that once we experience the fact that we actually don’t get hurt when we are in honour of ourselves and we can’t but help letting all people in equally to truly know who we are.
This is where our true ability to never compromise comes in, when we don’t compromise who we are for a n y t h i n g !
I find it very interesting that as a society we have to come to see being able to compromise as a good thing – we should never need to compromise as we are designed to live in absolute harmony.
I agree, compromising what we feel and innately know to be truly harmonious and loving in this world means that the whole world loses out on the wisdom and love we are here to bring. Compromising is never a good thing.
I love this sharing and a timely and supportive reminder as I am making changes and moves in my own life- this is a great reflection.
“But when I am full of self-worth, when I know how beautiful I really am and there is absolutely nothing to be measured, then the love I can hold myself and others in and even my home, is immeasurable and without compromise.” This is something to aim for. How beautifully said. I have glimmers and as I allow more self-loving ways into my life it grows stronger within.
Thank you Cherise. I am reminded of when 36 years ago we were house hunting and as we drove down the potholed track to this house we knew we were about to find the house for us. Over the years we have gradually made changes to the house, cared for it, repaired it, expanded it as our family grew, tended the garden to grow vegetables and beautiful flowers and we have grown with the house and it reflects who we are and also reflects corners of our living that are awaiting our attention. The potholes in the track are still there and ensure everyone slows down and takes care of how they are driving.
Well said Linda, I can relate to that; that ache that just doesn’t go away, as the compromise is felt forever more, until a true choice is made, a choice to honour what I truly need to do or say, to not say yes to what does not feel true to me.
I can totally relate to this Esther and how easy it is for us to be comfortable and “held back from our innate yearning to evolve ourselves and be more of who we truly are.” I can relate to this as far as my choice of work goes. We can get stuck in jobs for security and safety these days and not take the risk to lose it all, however gain so much more!
I have to say YES to leaving my job as I have outgrown it and I’m needed elsewhere, but the pull to stay in the comfort is so strong. Choose for ME or for COMFORT?!
What a beautiful blog Cherise, thank you for sharing your experience with finding a new home! It’s a huge opportunity to deal with a lot of stuff that can come up for us in those times, and I love what you share, how you really worked with this moment and did not let all the rationales of the head – which can seem very convincing at times – get in the way of feeling what was truly needed for you to feel supported. I had the same experience a year or so ago, and I now love and appreciate my new home so much. It has really supported me to go to the next level, and it is still supporting me to grow in my love, and my return to simplicity every day.
This is a really important thing that I have noticed too.. that a truly supportive home holds a foundation for you to grow and expands and actually can expand with you. Supporting whatever is next for us to learn, discover and explore in our relationship with ourselves and others and the world.
Finding a new home is so often filled with anxiousness around time scales it is totally refreshing to read how you felt your way through finding your new home. If we live in a way which supports us then staying out of the drama is much easier and clearly shows us how you are choosing to live. Thank you for sharing your livingness.
I love what you have shared here about staying out of the ‘drama’ and how this comes naturally when we simply support ourselves, there is indeed a definite positive effect when we set up our home lives to confirm and express who we truly are and so we can move out in the world with this same foundation. There is a solidness and a balance about us and in a world that can be full of emotion and drama it is a great tool to be firm in not compromising ourselves and the sacredness we are.
Living all of ourselves, not holding anything back that might irritate or confront others, just being ourselves and offering others to see that this same treasure lives inside them as well.
Yes and the irritation can serve as a thin mask covering hurt that one feels for denying this depth of love that is them equally and so we have the understanding of why it is so important that our responsibility be to not hold back from shining our light so that all may remember we are all one and the same light in this world.
I recognise this well – settling for less than I am worthy of and compromising for another or because of a belief I hold e.g. ‘oh that’ll do’ or ‘that’s good enough’ or ‘I can’t have or expect everything’ or the most common one I heard as a child ‘I want doesn’t get’. It is now as an adult these are all ways that can catch me out if I pay attention to them so that I end up settling for less or not daring to express what it is I actually I want. I can see it is not settling for less that is so much the issue but listening to and acting on what my head tells me that leads to this. How amazing is it when we can reach this point – “When I hear it I know just what I feel, but when I truly listen – I know a love and a joy that won’t settle for anything less.” Thank you Cherise.
“Through being inspired by the presentations of Serge Benhayon, and Universal Medicine I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart and daily it guides my every way. When I hear it I know just what I feel, but when I truly listen – I know a love and a joy that won’t settle for anything less”.
This is so beautifully expressed Cherise, my eyes welled and smarted.
I pondered, do I have the same level of care for myself; and the answer was no!!
Dear amazing Cherise I love what you reveal hear: “What we were able to expose for ourselves in our house-hunting was just how comfortable the pictures really are of where we think we should be and what we think things should look like, but how the pictures can actually leave us feeling restricted or stuck in our everyday living . . . ” That is so true and we can relate this example to every situation in our lives. It is so easy to get trapped in our thinking, pictures and perceptions oh how things should be and so we are not able to see and feel what is truly there . . . Thank you so much for this great reminder.
The process of choosing a home to live in, as you have gone through, is so awesome, and it really does reflect the way we are living with our own body, and relationship with ourselves too. Thank you for sharing Cherise
‘What we were able to expose for ourselves in our house-hunting was just how comfortable the pictures really are of where we think we should be and what we think things should look like, but how the pictures can actually leave us feeling restricted or stuck in our everyday living, out of harmony in our otherwise natural flow and development within life and held back from our innate yearning to evolve ourselves and be more of who we truly are.’ There is so much wisdom in this long sentence, the pictures we have are misleading us and distract us from the true way to go, thank you for this sharing Cherise.
‘I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart and daily it guides my every way. When I hear it I know just what I feel, but when I truly listen – I know a love and a joy that won’t settle for anything less.’ – stunningly said Cherise. So true that when we are connected to our inner-heart, to our divine love within, we clearly know what is not of this quality and anything less just simply won’t do. What a beautiful and powerful way to live.
I can think of many times where I said ‘this’ll do’ while knowing something felt off – because of pressure; because I wanted to appear to be ‘easy’; because I just wanted to get it over with and move on etc. Trusting what I feel without compromise – definitely, I am working on it.
Me too Fumiyo.
Wow, this is such a huge and important topic. All my life I did not really trust in my feelings and I still experience many situations today where I don`t trust myself and later get the confirmation that I should have because what I felt has been absolutely true. I shut down my light and my truth very early and since I am an esoteric student I am working on trusting my body and expressing my truth which really is not easy because I have not lived this very much in my life but when I do it, I have the amazing experience of being able to live without compromises and I never want to miss that anymore!
Beautiful sharing EvaMariafoertsch, there does come a point where we say enough of the old hurts and sadness in repetitive cycles and we say Yes to another way of living in which we can not only feel good but amazing in who we are and what we are about. Appreciating and accepting our qualities and allowing them to shine, all the way down the street! is an important step in making this new way of living our every and only way.
Yes, constant acceptance and appreciation is the key to build a strong foundation in our life and especially with ourselves. We are divine and equal sons of God and are designed to live a life in love and truth. And what do we do? We beat ourselves up for not meeting our own expectations instead of seeing and feeling how amazing we are.
Not settling for anything less than love and joy … sounds like heaven to me Cherise!
Absolutely! I won’t be settling for anything else than Heaven on Earth 😀
Cherise, I love how you bring the story of finding a home as just one illustration of how we live in every aspect of our lives – through fully honouring what feels true and letting our heart guide transforms everything. And if we dishonour and disregard ourselves in one aspect of life, this will feed through and taint all other aspects… but I also can see if we start to bring this level of self-honouring to even one part of our life, our everything in our whole life benefits.
Having recently moved into a beautiful supporting home, I understand what you are saying Cherise. When we viewed this place it was pretty much an instant yes from both me and housemate, as it FELT absolutley right. It does really feel like a home that reflects the love that we are holding in our inner hearts, and it enables us to continually evolve together in and out of the home. I feel it also supports me in all areas of life. For example, I lost my job recently and dealt with the whole situation in a much calmer, non panicked way than how I would have if I had been living in my previous home. It was amazing! It feels like a supporting home can strengthen the foundation we have in ourselves.
“It’s a beautiful realisation to know and to constantly sing! about the fact that there’s no giving up on what I know to be true, loving and completely uncompromising for me and I have my whole life ahead to learn more and more about what this feels and looks like in my everyday living. There’s a freedom in choosing love and watching the choices lead to amazing revelations and confirmation and open up more doors to shine our light on and learn even more.”
This is an awesome realisation Cherise, and one that I am only beginning to understand the endless depth and expansion that we can unfold once we honour and live from what feels a true to us – free from old patterns of compromise and worrying about what others will think. .. because the true impulse will be one that naturally takes into account what is true for all others.
Thank you Cherise, as I read your blog I know that there have been many many a time that I have chosen a home with compromise, and am reflecting on how that feels, a constant unease, a constant unsettle.
I love what you have presented here Cherise about a life without compromise. There is a way to live without compromise and that is to be true to oneself. Not compromising doesn’t mean getting our own way and not caring about others, it simply means not abandoning what is true for us. Living a life without compromising is beautiful.
I love what you share Elizabeth – “not abandoning what is true for us” – we should learn this from day one on – imagine how the world would look like!
Cherise your article rings true to many as the saying goes “home is where the heart is” and if it doesn’t feel right in the heart than it doesn’t feel supportive.
Cherise, I love how you share that the house didn’t need to look perfect, but needed to ‘feel right’ to support you, feeling into the essence of the house. It is such an important decision, if where we live isn’t supporting us, it’s a constant drain on our body, each and every day.
It was so very timely to read this Cherise for much of my life I was been the compromise queen, and lately I have felt that old feeling of compromise trying to sneak in. So reading this was a great reminder to say no to compromise and yes to what feels true.
I love the words “compromise Queen”. Often when we compromise we can feel the shift in our tone and an unease in our voices that show us that we are making decisions that we truly feel are not right at that moment.
Yes and we can get caught in this compromise in any arena, situation and moment in life. it can happen from the big decisions to the smallest of conversations when we don’t honour what is absolute and felt for ourselves first of all.
Taking an exercise that can quite often be a stressful experience for people and ultimately ending in a settling for ‘near enough’, such as finding a home can be, approaching it with a foundation of solid connection of love within, then as you describe here, it is simple, as there is no compromising that.
Cherise you make a very clear distinction between seeking perfection and seeking what feels right. How often did I override and compromise my feelings to accommodate others and fit in or simply because what I felt did not match my idea of perfection. Why shortchange myself, in what name should I give up what feels good and essential to me? Thank you for a great blog.
When I feel the word ‘compromise’, I feel a level of disappointment and deflation in it and yet it is a word that is often used in relationships in that we need to be compromising of another, or in the case of looking for a house or job, we may settle for less than we know we deserve, be grateful for what we have, etc. It feels very limiting and has an element of ‘giving up in it’. Compromise for me now feels like settling for less than I know I’m worth or I know is true, but not holding out for the perfect house, job or relationship, but holding onto what I feel and know I deserve and not settling for anything less.
I agree with all you have written Sandra. I learned very early on in my life to compromise in relationships, I just thought that’s what you did to keep them going, but in fact I was simply giving up on what I knew to be true, which of course lead to “disappointment and deflation” with a good dose of resentment added in. Definitely not a great recipe for a loving relationship!
Spot on Ingrid, compromise can lead to resentment – the resentment we feel towards ourselves for settling for less than we know is true or that which we feel worthy of.
It’s a beautiful realisation to know and to constantly sing! about the fact that there’s no giving up on what I know to be true, loving and completely uncompromising for me and I have my whole life ahead to learn more and more about what this feels and looks like in my everyday living. There’s a freedom in choosing love and watching the choices lead to amazing revelations and confirmation and open up more doors to shine our light on and learn even more.
There is also a tolerance that goes hand in hand with compromise. If we compromise in a relationship we would then need to have tolerance for certain behaviours or conditions, and the tolerance is only bearable for so long until the limit is reached, and then kaboom! We react, erupt, etc…we’ve reached our tolerance and the compromise is no longer possible. It never was, we just chose to tune out to it, telling ourselves on some level it would be ok. And it never is because it isn’t true.
I can understand and feel the difference between compromising and holding back my expression in what I have felt versus not settling for less, expressing fully what I have felt in a situation. One feels like a sense of control, that I have not wanted something to be the case but I will try to be Ok with it and this can lead to a manipulative conversation or outplay in that trying to gain ones power back; but it’s a false power, our true power is in not compromising our divinity and ancient wisdom for ..absolutely anything!
Yes Sandra, I get the same feeling from the word ‘compromise’; and I feel if it’s two people compromising on what they want, it leaves both parties short changed, feeling like they lost, and have just given up. There is no winners in any compromise. With a truly supportive choice, nobody is compromised (‘compromised’ – the generally accepted meaning of this word seems a bit closer to the truth I feel), and everybody feels what the true choice is; not just a settling to get it done and ‘sorted’. Funny that this word compromise is often championed as something ‘good’….
I love this Nicole, as I can feel all of the times that I compromise to fit in, accommodate, be nice and to keep the peace. An old pattern that i am looking to crack. I can feel how important it is in every choice to make choices that are supportive and very loving.
It`s the same for me. I do compromise so often when I am with other people to be accepted and loved and not make them react. But I feel more and more how much I hurt myself with that. I just want to be me in every single minute and as my love and acceptance of myself are increasing every day, I can let go of my needs and fear of reaction more and more. I am amazing and don`t need to compromise at all! And I trust my feelings more which leads to clear decisions and choosing of soulful energy and there is no compromising in the soul…
That is beautiful EvaMariaFoerthsch, it indeed hurts to compromise, and feels like we leave ourselves and others so short.. And so if we choose to let go of needs and step over our fear (which in truth is not that powerfull if you compare it to love/warmth) we actually can include everyone in our choices. I am learning this now and I find it very beautiful that when I am in true connection with myself and making choices that support that connection automatically this has a loving effect on others too, I do not have to worry that they react to me being in separation because there simply wasnt any! So if people react to your love, let them react they have all the rights to, but at least we have chosen to not separate from them.
“In finding a new home that feels supportive and practical for our family who will live and visit there, it is clear to see that a loving home is simply a reflection of the quality that is being lived between its four walls.” I have discovered just how true this is over the past year or so. Having lived for a long time treating my home as just a roof over my head and a place for my stuff, I have come to appreciate what it is to truly have a home and how that is contingent upon the way I live within the space.
Absolutely Naren, the same excerpt stood out for me also. I have recently begun to work on the effect of our actions in specific rooms with my partner – especially the bedroom so for example keeping this sacred for sleeping and resting and limiting any other activities which could disturb this foundation, such as telephone calls, discussing issues or accessing the internet.
It is very important, Michael. An interesting thing that my wife and I noticed a while ago was how when we were both standing in a part of our flat in which we had had an argument, there was a tendency to slip into an argumentative tone of voice again. It happened several times, before we clocked it and broke the cycle, but it shows your point that the way we treat a space in our homes keeps that intention, whether that is an argument or to bring in a deliberate space of sacredness.
what is really lovely is when relatives or friends who have visited you for a long time coming to your home and keep making comments about how lovely and homely and warm and well set out the house is… It’s as if they can’t quite put their finger on it, but know that there is something special there to be felt, and yes what they are feeling is a truly nurturing home
Cherise I was house hunting last year and had a similar experience. I could have easily rented this particular house but it didn’t feel right even though it was cheaper than the one I did choose to rent. By honouring my feelings I now live in a beautiful home that is very supportive and full of natural light and warmth. It also has a little veggie garden right exactly where I had wanted one. When the sun shines through my home I feel so blessed to be living here.
I’ve been house hunting and have looked at many houses, I could tell as I walked in the door if it was a house for me to live in. in my search I found that nothing is perfect, but it’s perfect for where I’m at and what will support me. I have found that the striving of perfection does not allow the magic of God in.
This is beautiful and Oh So true, thank you!
I remember very well my last search for the house I am in now. I went out looking rather than letting it come to me, and I’d would feel straight away that a place wasn’t right, but then use my mind to rationalise whether I could make it work. Crazy stuff. When I let go of that, the magic of God came into play and this house came to me in such a simple and smooth way and from viewing to buying it was all done in a few days. So, so simple. It wasn’t perfect but felt very right for me and what I needed to support me.
“Saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise” This line really stood out for me, having the confidence and connection with oneself to say no to compromise is paramount. It is when we are not feeling who we are, a solidness within, that the saying yes to what we know isn’t right wins out. When i have reflected on times when I have compromised this has pretty much always been the case. I really loved what you have shared Cherise, very inspiring.
Such a great point, when we are saying yes or no to something we are actually always presented with the opportunity to say yes.. It’s a yes to what is true or a yes to compromising our truth. This is a great realisation that deepens my sense of responsibility within the smallest of choices to the biggest ones that I get to make.
‘Home is where the heart is’. I realise this statement can be construed in many ways but regardless, to me it feels true. I feel our heart (inner heart that is) is our home and our expression of love from that place the inviting welcome we offer at our door. When we are truly ‘at home with ourselves’ without compromise others are encouraged to find their true home and take up residency.
Thank you Cherise I loved re-reading this blog and I love the warmth and love I feel from your expression.
Thanks Cherise. I’m noticing more and more that compromising doesn’t feel so great. Once upon a time I bought into the idea that that’s what life was about, as it was drummed into my head ‘ Life is about compromise’, ‘relationships are about compromise’, and so I believed that not compromising meant being selfish. These days, I understand that in fact not compromising is the opposite. When you make choices that feel right for you, it’s done, the choice is made and it’s complete. When you make a choice based on another’s feelings or to make yourself ‘look’ good, the choice lingers…resentment builds up over time, and you forever remember that you made that choice for someone else and not for yourself. And so is it possible, that with a little less compromising of ourselves, our relationships would feel more equally balanced, and less about need, and most certainly carry far less resentment for choices that we never truly made?
This is a great point Elodie regarding resentment. This can have such a destructive force and we can be unaware that it is even present. Recognising the presence of resentment and being honest about how it arose in the first place let’s us take responsibility, empowering us and allowing us to move forward with what is true.
I’ve learned to trust feelings and that even when we override them God re-aligns us to truth and gives us what we truly need. I made travel plans recently for a U.S. trip, changed My original plan to fly straight to New Orleans to accommodate others and replaced it with another. Yesterday technical difficulties meant I was delayed disembarking the plane, missed my connecting flight and ended with an overnight stay in my transit stop. Three things came from this: my body needed and was given much needed stop and rest and appreciated a night alone in a hotel room. My flight has been re- routed to New Orleans for the family reunion and my family don’t have to make a late night airport run to pick me up. All divinely designed and perfect.
My partner and I are still looking for an appartement and coming back to your blog is everytime very supportive. Thank you!!
Thank you for sharing this Cherise. I love how you explain that “…nothing needed to be physically perfect but that saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise.” This is confirming for me in trusting what I feel and not striving for perfection but not compromising on feels true.
‘I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart’, what a beautiful blog Cherise, it feels like coming home.
Being able to expose our pictures and how ideals and beliefs influence us is key in every thing aspect of our lives.
This is beautiful, “I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart and daily it guides my every way. When I hear it I know just what I feel, but when I truly listen – I know a love and a joy that won’t settle for anything less.”
I can relate to measuring, holding back, compromising what I felt according to my own measure of self-worth but the curious thing is that the more I give myself permission to not hold back the more the self-worth grows, so it is really a trick to keep myself small.
Very true Andrew. And the more the self-worth grows, the more I feel the difference between what I seem to need because of issues like wanting to protect me or have status and what is truly supportive for me.
I appreciate this blog about not compromising, as this is something for us all to claim each day, in every detail. It is very powerful to get this reflection and how when we don’t compromise, the choice truly supports us, as a marker to not compromise again…Just like your house is now founded on that choice, it will feel true to live in that house. It allows us to then move on to the NeXt!
I’m very inspired by your blog Cherise, thanks so much for your powerful sharing. It doesn’t make sense to compromise in life, our heart knows what is true and what is not true.
It certainly doesn’t make any sense at all alexander1207. Who’s big idea was it anyway that we should compromise on our inner truth and override our feelings and inner knowing, most often to our own detriment. Was it the church, or perhaps politicians? This behaviour is actually mind boggling in its absurdity and in its prevalence.
This is beautifully written Cherise. I love how you expressed this: “I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart and daily it guides my every way. When I hear it I know just what I feel, but when I truly listen – I know a love and a joy that won’t settle for anything less.” You have given me an opportunity to reflect on where I may doubt or ignore what I have felt in wanting to please another or not wanting to make a mistake… Thanks for this reminder about trusting our feelings without compromise.
Cherise your blog has given me pause to reflect on past decisions and it’s effect on any part of my life. It’s a beautiful reminder of how important it is to live in honour of myself each day even in the smallest of details.
Great reminder hartanne60 to not just read and relate to what Cherise is saying but actually applying this wisdom to every decision I will make from now on. I can feel the importance of me really getting this.
This is beautiful Cherise ” I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart and daily it guides my every way. When I hear it I know just what I feel, but when I truly listen – I know a love and a joy that won’t settle for anything less.” This says everything to me and any home that supports us to come home inside in our daily life has to be a blessing to be nurtured and treasured for ourselves.
That “a loving home is simply a reflection of the quality that is being lived between its four walls” is so true Cherise. To consider that we can do what we like at home when we are not being observed is such a fallacy. As everything is energy, the way we are in private is still recorded in the energetic imprints we leave in every moment and with every action, and can be felt by all who enter the home. As you say “my true home resides in my inner heart”.
Yes Anne this is so true that nothing can be hidden, there is a great depth to your comment in that the way we live our lives at home is not separate as the way we live outside it. The way we live and the choices we make leaves an energetic imprint that can either heal or harm, Its our choice to make.
For years I put too much importance on the opinions of others, even about my own life and each time it felt like I was shrinking inside, but I have learnt that it’s ok not to agree with someone and to be true to yourself.
I agree Mary – this is exactly what I have done too. I still find myself at times getting lost in choosing something based on how I want it to be, how it looks or worse, how does it compare to something else I’ve seen. All of which are based on ideals I have bought into. It’s only recently that I have come to ask myself when faced with a choice – what is it that is truly needed here and be open to feeling what comes up. When I ask myself this I begin to become aware of a drive or a need that is motivating me. Cherise’s blog is profound on many levels but what I’ve felt on reading it through first is the level of responsibility needed in each moment. We can either go with the flow and follow our old patterns or we can take a moment to stop and feel what’s truly needed and for what purpose – self or the bigger picture?
Anything less than accepting our full amazingness and living that everyday is a compromise.
Such a powerful blog Cherise and equally powerful statement “What we found in our new home was that nothing needed to be physically perfect but that saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise.” It is an expected norm in our society to compromise and in fact can be considered selfish to not compromise but little is know of the true impact of compromise. Compromise whether short or long term always leads to resentment and bitterness and impacts on our own sense of self and self worth. Important to always work towards understanding and not compromise.
Brilliant Cherise, the support you show for yourself in not accepting less than what feels true for you, supports others to also be inspired to not compromise on what feels loving for them also. Thank you for sharing this most fundamental truth.
Thanks cherise, this brings to mind all the times I have compromised what was felt for practicality or fitting in with others and then never been happy with the outcome or choice. I now wait, try and feel what is the right choice or match to hold and support me , without using logic as a lessor vecihle of choice.
“I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart and daily it guides my every way. When I hear it I know just what I feel, but when I truly listen – I know a love and a joy that won’t settle for anything less.”
Beautiful comment thankyou Cherise
This is a profound blog, Cherise, using the example of choosing a new home as a way of unbundling the fact that when we don’t listen to how we truly feel about big decisions such as this – and just as equally all the little daily choices that come our way – then we leave ourselves at the mercy of those ideals and beliefs we’ve collected along the way and the prospect of facing long-term compromise. How would it be if we changed that well known phrase to ‘DO let your heart rule your head’? We’d all benefit hugely if we did.
I too heard that loud and clear that the compromise is when we don’t listen to what we are feeling, that is what makes things go pear shaped we always know what is true or not but we often override that with what we think we should be wanting etc.
Compromising means we settle for less that what we are worth. When I say it like this it makes me wonder why we would we ever compromise on anything and not honor and listen to what we are truly feeling in equal respect for all others.
This is lovely that instead of being caught up in the doing of moving you felt and honoured how your life is unfolding and evolving and wanted somewhere that supported this, much to what I am going through now as looking to move and feeling the same. It is a reminder to not get caught up in the drudgery of life but see there is a much bigger and truly divine picture that we are all part of .. after all we are from the stars : )
“Over the years, I have certainly compromised my own feelings – for others, for situations, to fit in or be liked – but whatever the reason, it was a choice made to settle for less than what felt right for me and honouring of me, overriding what felt loving, supportive and settling for whatever amount of love I thought I deserved at the time, an amount always measured by my own measure of self-worth.” I can relate to this Cherise. Expressing how I truly feel nowadays is still a work in progress, but honouring me and my true choices makes such a huge difference to how I feel about myself and hence how I am with others. As everything is energy we can always feel what is really needed. Compromise becomes an option no longer
Your blog Cherise clearly demonstrates “home is where the heart is” but this doesn’t mean to just choose anywhere to live and think you can make it right. All the pieces have to come together to make the whole where it supports you, your livingness and everyone else and this cannot be compromised if we are to live the truth we know to be in our hearts.
Feeling into the word ‘compromise’ – This was a habit of mine for many years and I was very good at it. A very ingrained way of behaving. It felt like giving a part of something precious away or, an offering of something with a regret label tagged onto it – not given with love or freely offered or to get only half of something. In compromising I would feel much less of the amazing, joyful woman that I am – at that time I had very little self worth and behaving in this way served no one. To compromise feels like a giving up on the truth of what could truly be amazing. Thank you Cherise a very inspiring blog.
Beautiful point you make. I am in the process of choosing a new kitchen. I am not a luxury person, so there are no real luxury items. What I do look at very precisely is what kind of kitchen I need that truly supports me. That is a very profound question as it is how much do I allow myself to feel into that and then choose and express from there.
The moment we compromise on anything will make ourselves live less than we truly are. The more we dare not to compromise the simpler, more loving and more joyful our lives will become.
Yes Michael, very well put. When our choices reflect who we truly are there is much Joy to be lived.
There is so much to compromise on in our lives, but it is beautiful to see when we don’t compromise, we have a lot less to carry with us, to be who we truly are, because everything we chose is supportive of this.
What I am learning more and more each day, is I truly need to be honest with my feelings, any compromise is not being loving . It is more harming to myself and others.
This is a great point Amita, honesty comes with a freedom from judgement and an opening to accepting myself as a student .. of every single day.
I agree Amita that anything less than full honesty with ourselves and with others is a compromise. We think we can measure this and just be mostly honest most of the time but I feel even mostly honest is not loving as you say and so very harmful.
Good point, ‘mostly honest’ andrewmooney26, we often tell ourselves that ‘it will do’, ‘or it is best we can do’…compromising on truth and responsibility. Also true there is a measurement that goes on, how far can we go and still fit in, to confirm, to not stick out, to be liked etc…As Amita says there is increasing freedom in being truthful and expressing how we feel and talking about it. I am more and more sure about who I feel, of my actions, and my choices, it does feel freeing not to be as weighed down by indecision, rights an wrongs and compromise. I am learning to consider myself, within and part of the All.
Thank you Cherise, I have long felt a reaction to compromise as I have so easily gone along with others to keep the peace or maintain a relationship. However it makes it so much simpler just to say yes to what feels right and no to compromise as long as I consider myself and others in that feeling into things.
“a home that felt truly supportive of us and our daily routines, rituals and rhythms.” I can feel the depth of this. My next home will be one that does this. Thanks Cherise!
I was raised by to compromise and calibrate to circumstances and to others. I was raised to believe I didn’t deserve to have the things I wanted, or to do things I really wanted to. In fact I am still frowned on by family members for choosing to take the time to nurture myself. It has taken a long time to feel worthy of self-love, self-care and a supportive lifestyle. I feel immense gratitude to Serge Benhayon for sharing the Ageless Wisdom and the ‘Livingness’ with me, for bringing to the world true healing modalities that have supported me to change my attitude towards myself and overcome many ingrained self-destructive patterns. I am home hunting at the moment and your blog Cherise, is a wonderful reminder that I do not have to compromise about finding myself the perfectly supportive home, that there is one out there waiting for me because I deserve it.
I can relate to your words jeannettegold, given that I am house hunting too, re reading Cherise’s blog is a lovely reminder not to compromise.
I love to come back to this blog Cherise it is such a great reminder to not to fall for the comfort and convenience of ‘that will do’ when we fall for this we are really selling ourselves short of the amazingness that is just round the corner.
Absolutely Samantha, we are saying to ourselves that we are worth anything that is ‘ok’ instead of feeling our full worth and honouring this.
I love this line: “…we were committed and open to learning more about ourselves, the ideals and pictures we have carried around about our houses and the unending depth of self-healing and self-development that was presenting great opportunity for change.”
Approaching everything in life as an opportunity to heal, learn and change. Living like this is so much fun.
You’re right Lieke, I find being in life with this open curiosity is far more playful and fun than being entrenched in ‘shoulds’! Freeing.
Yes, I feel this is true too Lieke, when there is an allowing and an openness to feel, rather than trying to control whatever is approaching, it is simpler and lighter and yes, so much fun.
Yes, when we live in a way and make choices that is in alignment with our natural way of being we are choosing to evolve and be more of us.
What you share is so true Lieke, opening ourselves to the opportunity to heal, learn and change just by living our everyday with an open and honest heart not only transforms our own lives but has a massive ripple effect for all others.
Saying yes to love is saying no to anything that is not love – compromise included – very simple and so lovingly expressed, thank you.
Indeed Lee – “Saying yes to love is saying no to anything that is not love”, and conversely not saying anything, or ignoring something is saying yes to what is not love! So very simple when put like this.
Love what you are saying Lee, it is just a simple choice in every moment to say yes to love.
I absolutely agree Lee, saying yes to love is saying no to what is not love!
Beautifully expressed Lee.
Amazing to feel how the choice to self-care and love ourselves from the inside supports what is needed on the outside.
Yes Marcia, it makes so much sense that choosing to self care would naturally take care of our external selves. It’s really funny how people don’t seem to connect that fact.
Yes Julie, if i reflect back on when i didn’t connect to this common sense principle, I chose to disconnect so as to not take responsibility for being all that i am.
I love this blog, it is making me look at all the areas where I have found myself making compromises. I recently had a job interview and felt where I made a compromise. For me it was to choose and say no to the job because of the compromise I would then make. A few weeks later I found a job without a compromise and that feels so great.
That is beautiful diana1975.
The thing with compromise is that it isn’t right for either person or party. So in a job situation like yours Diana, had you compromised, it wouldn’t have felt right for you, but equally, it wouldn’t have been right for the employer either. Compromise is a lose/lose situation because neither party has in full what they feel to be true.
This is so true, the compromise we could choose affects all parties equally.
Yes Sandra, this is true. I was reading your comment and I was reading comfort instead of compromise. But what I then noticed is that to me the words feel the same even though they mean something different.
This is a massive point Sandra, it points out how when we don’t live our truth it effects the all as a ripple effect.
Yes and thus not taking the responsibility for the choices we can make to either support ‘the all’ or hold back from being true to ourselves and therefore everyone else to. There is much to be said for not compromising on who we are and what it is that we feel, as choosing this way of living does affect the ripple that then inspires and brings healing to everyone.
Reading your comment Cherise I could not help but feel the enormity of what each one of us hold within every breath. With every choice comes great responsibility which can be seen as an incredible gift if we see what change can be created when it is taken.
I’d say you are talking about our purpose here Kim, our responsibility to stay connectedly present with ourselves and our bodies and then the healing that naturally outplays all around us is already confirmed.
Yes Cherise, you are right. It’s responsibility to stay present with our bodies so our purpose can be lived.
Our home is the shell and nest we live in and the reflection of what we live each day.
Yes indeed a beauty-full, warm and welcoming cocoon that reflect the people who live in it. I sometimes go to homes where I feel instantly at ease. There is a special warmth emanating from them enveloping me and always the same welcome is expressed by those who created this environment.
Beautifully expressed, I appreciate your connection and appreciation of nature and symbolism around you.
I have always regretted decisions that go against what I have instinctively felt inside. This shows me that when I have done this, I’ve not been present with myself, otherwise I wouldn’t have done it ….. I’ve allowed other factors to come in and influence me. Great learning. ‘saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise’ – so true. Thank you.
I agree Alison- the word compromise feels less when we know it goes against our natural impulse.
Sometimes on the surfaces feelings make no ‘logical sense’, however the feeling that they are correct is so strong that it makes more than logical sense. It is something I’ll still experimenting with but every time I respect a feeling and go with it things go really well. From writing this small comment it seems acceptance of self plays a big part otherwise why wouldn’t I trust the feeling I receive every time?
I agree Luke – feeling what is there and, on top of that, feeling how we are feeling, feeling what is there. Both together work wonders.
I would say that self acceptance does come into the equation as I have experienced such just this morning. I felt strongly to do something this morning (take my car rather than the bus to work) but in the next moment doubted it – ‘surely it can’t be that easy’ is one of the pictures in my focus at the moment. The moment I doubted I felt disturbed and drained, as if even questioning and doubting was not needed nor appreciated by my body. So I chose to see where this initial feeling would take me and everything just flowed, no feelings of stress or anxiousness. What this showed me was that feelings are normal to experience, they do not require anything of me only to listen and that they are very simple and accurate. But like you wrote Cherise what preconceptions do we carry around with us in regards to our feelings? In regards to how we access them and what we are ‘supposed’ to feel? Thank you Luke and Cherise.
Totally agree Leighmatson. It almost seems to good to be true. I mean like hello, no effort, just listen to your body and all the answers are there! once the preconceptions (ideals and beliefs) are dropped, we can appreciate the grandness we come from and are.
I can relate to that feeling leighmatson, thank you for sharing. It makes me more aware of how the little doubts that come after the first feeling are very disturbing. And Yes Luke it is really like: Can it be that easy? Can life be simple? I am learning every day that yes, life can be very joyful, simple and grand.
yes leighmastson its the doubt that trips us up. its amazing how thing flow when we trust and accept our feelings.
A point well made Luke and building on this relationship with Self is key here.
YES, and in the end they do make logical sense anyway.
Logical = logoic = divine (latin root)
I like what you are saying here Luke that our feelings are actually super strong and way more than logical sense if we are aware of them and the more we listen to them and trust them, the stronger they become.
Very true Andrew I have experience the same event where the feeling become stronger as I respect and respond to them.
Yes, I have felt this too, and on the flip side, where in logic every thing seems to line up and fit in but there is uneasiness, a feeling that there is another way.
Agree Chris logic can only get us so far, the rest is left to our senses and sense that we long ago chose to not use and forget.
I agree Luke, the feelings and understandings of the world around us that go beyond logical sense that you know are absolutely true are definitely based on self acceptance and the wisdom of never negating or ignoring what you feel.
I agree Suse, never… ever… ever 😛
Reading your article again I can feel how I sometimes let my preconceived ideas of how I think things should be, get in the way and when I do this I am at risk of overriding that amazing feeling when I just ‘know’ what is the true choice for me. Putting expectations ahead of my inner feelings simply creates complications.
I completely understand where you are coming from Jane, as this often happens to me too. It seems like I have to remind myself with every decision to trust what I know and feel and not make it complicated. An ongoing process of refinement and trust.
So true, it is vital to be aware of the images and pictures we have in life about ‘how it should be’, life expands and grows, by imagining what it will be like I feel we actually limit it and create situations for us to trip and fall. I have had many images in my life that I thought where important and i am still layer by layer letting go of them.
I have returned for my second read and really understood how I use pictures against myself, standards of perfection I’ve carried since my teen years which I was still imposing on myself. These of course were creating self loathing and frustration. There was really no true connection to myself back then, or appreciation. Thanks for writing as its provided another opportunity to heal.
My husband and I recently had a similar situation where we were house hunting and nothing felt right, there was always a little something that we weren’t willing to compromise on, but when we came to view the house we eventually bought we knew instantly that it was what we were looking for. What stood out for us was the quality and workmanship of the builder who owned the property who had fixed it up whilst living there with his family, whereas all the other properties would have been ‘ok’ but some work would have been needed – they just didn’t feel right.
This is very inspiring and empowering blog, Cherise. I noticed that often in my life I made my choices based on old beliefs that “Nothing is perfect”, “You need to compromise”, “You can’ have it all” etc. Reading your article I had a feeling of expansion in my chest embracing the truth-everything is possible and I don’t need to agree for less if i know there is more. it is up to me-and everyone-to make our choices based on truth.
Beautiful confirmation that ‘home is where the heart is’.
Cherise, you highlighted the word ‘almost’ which got me thinking about all the decisions that I have made throughout my life that were ‘almost right’. The thing is whilst making the decisions I always knew that they were wrong but the fact that they were ‘almost’ right seemed to bamboozle me into saying yes to them.
Awesome Cherise. My housemate and I are currently looking for a new house so this is a great heads up to be diligent with our feelings about a new place. I get what you mean though – so many times we’ve looked at a house and it just didn’t feel right.. It’s just not getting caught up in the time factor part and trusting it’s all going to work out perfectly.
I love to re- read this Cherise such a huge gem of gold and so relevant to me in all I do….”How many times have we gone along with something or someone, even though there was a feeling in ourselves that was asking for the space for our honesty, to trust and to honour our feelings? Perhaps completely different choices would have been made.”
Your blog inspired me to look at all areas of my life where I still tend to make compomises. It is a great reminder to not compromise what I am feeling.
Once we start to compromise on one thing an endless chain on compromises will follow that takes away joy and simplicitiy from our lives. Feeling what we really need from a point of self-love instead of what selfishness would present as the perfect solution is a good way to choose for any situation.
“I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart “. This is so true and when we live from this home, then we are at home wherever we are.
‘But when I am full of self-worth, when I know how beautiful I really am and there is absolutely nothing to be measured, then the love I can hold myself and others in and even my home, is immeasurable and without compromise.’ This is pure gold, thank you Cherise.
Cherise thank you for the beautiful sharing of how amazing our inner heart is our true home from within and how lovely it is to live from within bringing through our divine love to all that we do.
I can truly relate to what you expressed about self worth issues, I always fitted in with everyone and everything others wanted to do or say because I had self worth issues as a child and fitting in for me was easy than standing out. I was to afraid to express what felt true for me, leaving me feeling angry because I did not choose to express what I truly felt, all because not accepting my true self of who I truly am.
This article gave me the space to contemplate how it is I have chose my past homes and then how this imprinted the experience I had while living in these homes. Thank you Cherise this was not something I had looked at and felt before.
We are drilled from our childhood to act in logical ways, match ideals and plan everything ahead up into the smallest detail. Your blog Cherise shows, that contrary to all we were taught, the only thing that will really allow us to support ourselves in every situation is honoring what we feel deep inside ourselves and express and live from that without compromise.
When we don’t live and express how we feel or what is going on at any given moment, we compromise, because for some reason we don’t feel to rock the boat. What would happen if we all broke the habit and stopped compromising?
As I was reading this beautifully shared blog this morning the word ‘compromise’ kept jumping out at me – I feel whenever there is a compromise I’ve held back from honouring my expressing my truth. This causing a sense of unease/frustration and stagnation in my body. Compromise feels like saying ‘instead of’ or alternative – a letting go of the first felt impulse.
it has become so acceptable to live life by playing it safe and making it all about security this creates a measured way of living, full of compromises of who we truly are. Meeting Serge Benhayon has allowed me to stop living this way and now enjoy living in a way that represents and honours what I feel in my body to be truth.
Nice Cherise. How often do we have those pictures of how we believe life should be, and we don’t actually live life how we naturally would. I see a whole lot of missed out joy and evolution by living that way. That doesn’t make sense to me!
Trusting and honouring our feelings can feel a little alien especially when we have crafted a life that went against this entirely. I am noticing that I can now feel what is needed, but allow some doubt and don’t always follow through. Learning to trust what I feel and stand by it is a great process in the claiming of myself back to a life of truth.
A beautiful sharing Cherise, especially: “saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise”.
Thank you Cherise and all of you for your writings – inspiring to connect to our true fullness and from there learn deeper trust, that everything else can constellate around and find its expression… I feel supported by your comments and by Universal Medicine, which presents a way of living full of trust and truth, with no compromise..
Thank you Bianca. I have been not understanding how I recently made a decision that was not true to myself and it is that simple I did not stop and honour my feelings. I was also thinking too much of others and running away with thoughts that distracted me from my inner truth.
Thank you Cherise, I can relate to having compromised in so may areas of my life so what I chose will be acceptable for others. It is bizarre but I always put being liked and accepted by others before honouring what I truly felt. This dismissive pattern has meant that the messages of my inner feelings have got harder to hear but through the workshops and presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have re-learnt how to listen to my inner truth and I am now building a foundation that allows me to stop and honour what I feel before making a decision. The more I do this the less I compromise and I am finding honouring how I feel is supportive for everyone not just me.
“…where we think we should be and what we think things should look like…” This really jumped out to me. I have begun to realise recently how exhausting and restrictive it is for me to be living life through, or towards these expectations. It is exhausting because of the constant tension in my body and restrictive because it prevents me from seeing the whole and the oh-so-much-more that it is on offer, both in me and from me. That pre-imposed judgement kills us – literally. But what I am now further feeling is that I choose it, I choose these limitations as a comfort blanket under which to hide and under which I can absolve myself of my full responsibility. I absolutely know (and always have) that the ‘shoulds’ of life are not only not the truth but are also a tiniest fraction of the ‘possibles’ of life. Yet I choose to foster and fuel them, I choose to keep them in my life so as not to rattle cages, stand out from the crowd and, most irresponsibly, to save myself from having to face up a life of lies. No more. Universal Medicine has inspired me to live a life without compromise. To stand for truth. To face and reject lifetimes of these roles, restrictions, blankets and safety-nets. To free myself from the tension of the pressure they impose. And now I live a life that has true purpose, in which I can feel true joy and is built upon a foundation of true relationships. I’ve no idea where I “should be or what things should look like”. But I know where I am and it looks terrific. With bottomless appreciation of everything that Universal Medicine has shown me.
Otto, you offer some great inspiration here to let go of the restrictions and comforts that keep us from evolving. Thank you
Thanks Cherise, I have enjoyed revisiting this blog and pondering on what area’s of my life I compromise. I can start to feel the possibility of when we hold ourselves in absolute love, there is no way we want to compromise. When there is self doubt or lack of self worth, we can easily compromise as we don’t feel we are worth it. Not compromising is saying yes to love.
‘saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise’ This is something I have struggled with, being in a family of 5 and allowing myself to hold back from fear of ‘rocking the boat’. I now realise the harm in this, to me and everyone else.
‘Trusting What We Feel Without Compromise’, Not something we naturally do Cherise, thank you for sharing your valuable experience with it, and that it turned out the best choice to make.
Thank you Cherise. There is much to consider here. Letting go of the picture of how things should be and considering what is supportive without compromise sounds tricky yet when we allow love to be our foundation in this, all falls into place.
Beautiful warm loving Cherise, you bring to this blog what you bring to your home and no doubt everything else in your life because that is what you are. You are inspirational.
Good work Cherise on not comprimising on love when looking for a new home, and this method can be applied to everything you do in life.
Thank you Cherise for this great reminder, to go with our feelings and to not compromise.
Being open to options being presented can be a journey worth following – these are the moments that can constellate something outside your picture, and saying ‘yes’ can open up the way.
Recently I was impulsed to inspect a house. It wasn’t it, but 3 doors down was it … even from the outside I could feel I had found a home. Get ourselves out of the way, connect to our body and, as Margaret says, ” life flows.”
I love what you are saying here Merrilee. You don’t find a house , the house finds you.
Great blog Cherise
I think we can all relate to what you are saying and I certainly have compromised my selves to fit my pictures and to fit other peoples pictures in the past and occasionally in the present. When I choose to connect to my inner heart and feel into the messages I receive through my body it feels true and every thing in my life flows.
As always Cherise, wonderful to read, and in a world built on compromise, wonderful to read about someone not doing that. It is such a paradigm shift out of what the old way of thinking would probably call selfish, but that old model would definitely not be thinking that self care is valid, and does even, in my experience, call it selfish, but then , with connecting to oneself, we can all feel that wonderful feeling of loving and looking after ourselves, without compromise
There is nothing selfish about listening to and honouring ones own natural rhythm and following on with the action to support thereafter, in fact, trusting our own hearts opens them up to a deeper level of love and commitment that when expanded can’t ever be seen as being for ‘self’ as it is a love so deep and flowing that it feels to me to be for all of us equally.. Could it be that self-love is the greatest form of loving yourself so that you can actually love each other as the one family we were designed to be?
…saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise…As we are still looking for an apartment, it was good rereading your blog. Sometimes you can get blinded so much from facts and how beautiful a flat looks like, where it is located…etc that you struggle in deciding, what is actually the truth and really supporting you. Thank you for reminding me, what is really important.
Great point Steffi, sometimes we can get blinded so much by what feels nice, beautiful, or seems to be ‘perfect’ on the outside, but then to realize that at the end of the day, the most important thing is that it feels true. If it feels true, then it will truly support us, and all others.
Cherise, this is lovely, to go for what feels right and know that no compromise is necessary – it feels like the perfect home is there just waiting for us to constellate with it – and you recognise it when the time is right. How great that your new home feels supportive for your way of living, my house was like that when I bought it – I just knew it was for me and the renovations have been in keeping with what I felt at the time. The next stage is to feel what needs adjusting as I evolve. It might just be a simple cleanup of a cupboard or shelf, but I will feel it and know that it will support me more.
Thank you Cherise, it is great to re read your blog, as it reminds me how we are forever deepening the foundation of our relationship with ourselves, relationship with our own body that we (our soul) live in. And so too, can the house we actually live in, go through renovation or changes to its organization to reflect this forever deepening connection to ourselves. So if something doesn’t feel quite right in our tangible living space, it’s likely a reflection of evolution that has or is ready to take place within.
Whenever we choose to connect to our hearts and listen to the messages we receive through body awareness, this benefits not just ourselves but all those we are in contact with equally.
Absolutely franciscoclara8, it is a beautiful and truly magnificent feeling when the choices we make from our bodies expand to become the quality of our every way with all others too. Thank you for expressing something so simple and yet so deeply profound.
I always find your blogs inspiring Cherise, but this one has touched me deeply because of the timing of me reading it. I am embarking on a building project to create a new home, and I feel able to approach it now in a fresh light because I too feel connected to my true home, so I know the building itself will reflect the joy of that.
Beautiful to hear janetwilliams06, it sure is a completely different and fresh approach to building a home outside of ourselves that actually supports everything that we are and that we honour on the inside of ourselves.
I’ve found this article so supportive in my recent house finding. I knew I didn’t want a long commute to work but the area I work in is very expensive and all the places I looked at I felt a sadness. In my head I tried to imagine living there and how I could make it work. And sure I’ve made many places work to some degree.
But the place I chose makes my heart sing. It’s not a posh area, with a duck pond and where the village shop has a butcher’s inside, but there’s a feeling of family and people living all around in a lovely way. If I’d listened to some people I spoke to I’d never have even viewed the property but I did and I’m very glad. The place is so not perfect or how I’d have imagined a place my head would have created but it feels very lovely. Somewhere I can express how precious I am without fighting my surroundings to do so.
Until contracts are exchanged I know things could change but what’s lovely is I’m not anxious about losing the property.
“How many times have we gone along with something or someone, even though there was a feeling in ourselves that was asking for the space for our honesty, to trust and to honour our feelings”, this is so common I have gone through it many times and recently I came across it in a major decision in my life. With the awareness I have now I was really able to connect to my true feeling and be really honest with my self.
Hello Cherise, many of us look to ‘tick boxes’ and not actually feel what we need in these type of situations. I can say for me that depending on how ‘big’ the decision usually governs whether I am willing to stay with the feeling or whether I go into tick box mode. It is almost like an autopilot taking over. But as you have said Cherise “saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise” and this is my experience. The moment by moment listening to what I am feeling has never lead me astray. The tick box method has always lead me off track even though it may have had an initial ‘good decision’. The trust and understanding that by staying with what I am feeling all will be taken care of is and can be a big step but one worth taking. We so often control how we want our life to look, to feel better or to make it better but for me this has always been worse after the better. The moment by moment feeling of what to do next has been life changing for me with the support of Universal Medicine.
I completely agree Raymond, it’s a stark contrast to listen to and to trust ourselves in a moment by moment basis and as you share in your example, I can also see that this is what truly supports us to continue the self-honouring choices in the bigger moments too.
Adrienne “Trusting What We Feel Without Compromise,” is something I’m still working on but loving the process. Thank you.
It is so exposing what you present here Cherise, particularly since most of us were taught and encouraged from a very early age to compromise, and it is often cited as one of the keys to achieving healthy relationships. But as you say, when we compromise what we feel or know to be true we are making a choice to settle for whatever amount of love we think we deserve at the time, ‘an amount always measured by our own measure of self-worth’. This is an area of constant beautiful learning for me and your insights are very much appreciated.
Thank you Stevie for linking the element of self worth to what we allow ourselves or what we feel we deserve to have or have not: ‘‘an amount always measured by our own measure of self-worth”. This makes so much sense, and has been my experience.
Stevie, you make it so simple and easy to understand in your comment. Thanks.
When we compromise on anything we are accepting less than we truly are. Its also not too comfortable to have to look at the ways we have compromised.
Great blog Cherise. I love the comment ‘I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart and daily it guides my every way. When I hear it I know just what I feel, but when I truly listen – I know a love and a joy that won’t settle for anything less’.
For many years I had no choice as to which house I was going to live in next, or even what country, as it came with my husband’s job in the Army but wherever we went, we made it our own, a loving space for ourselves and our two children. We often moved but learnt to be in the moment and accept the changes. Not always easy as the children were unsettled, moving away from their friends but they quickly adapted to new surroundings. It was a great lesson in life, learning to be wherever we were and to go with the flow of what was being presented to us!
I can relate to how the picture that I have from me and others is holding us down. It is funny because I have this beautiful picture from us and I am working on it to make it true and am frustrated if we/life is not like that picture. But in truth we are so much more then this picture, so much more beautiful, divine, lovely – but this is not to strive for (like we have to learn it or to work on it) but to DISCOVER. If we let the pictures go and lifting the lid of holding back – our true beauty, power and innocence is waiting for us to be seen and to be lived.
Beautifully expressed Sandra. We are so much more than our ‘picture’ of ourselves.
Yes Jane – and I love to discover that, my most amazing picture of me/us can not keep up with the true reflection I am. But the picture I can control and my truth reflection is to surrender to, without a controlling factor. This I have to let go (control), for to connect and be able to present the divine beauty I am and we are.
Agree Sandra, we often have pictures of how we would like things to be in various aspects of our life, and then we can get frustrated when the picture is not the reality. How easy it is to get caught in this trap. As you say, ‘in truth we are so much more than this picture, so much more beautiful, divine, lovely’. How important is it then to let go of our pictures and trust and honour our own feelings.
Well said Anne. To honor us is like a forgotten quality…I am wondering if we did ever know it? And did we live it? It seems so unusual to me these days while I ‘train’ myself in honoring. But also I can feel a familiarity…like coming home… : ) and I feel I have to allow myself to come back to this honoring, to claim back that I am worth, precious and wonderful just because it’s me. Nothing to confirm but my magnificence.
Thank you Anne and Sandra, I agree that the honouring ourselves seems to be a forgotten thing, and that we have been taught to compromise instead, and in that, we just let ourselves and what we feel be ignored as if it is not important.
Beautifully expressed Cherise, why would we settle for anything less.
I often went along with compromises as I thought this was the way to live in a harmonious world. But you show us otherwise Cherise. “I know a love and a joy that won’t settle for anything less.” Thank you.
Cherise this is so timely for me as we’re starting the process of looking for a new rental property and I am acutely aware of how on many occasions in the past I have ‘settled’ for a home because of time pressure, just as I have settled for many things in my life. What I’ve noticed this time as I look at possible properties is I can feel quite quickly whether the house could be our home, whether it will support the love that I now live on a daily basis as well as the others whom I share with. I guess this is house hunting with heart and it certainly feels very different to house hunting in a hurry!!
‘I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart’ – and this is the best home I have ever lived in.
I loved reading this blog and can feel just how loving it is to honour what you feel no matter what. I could also feel the fun you had in exploring finding a new home in this way.
Learning not to compromise on what we feel is a huge learning for most people. We basically are taught from an early age that we need to put up with things, to keep the peace, to not be a nuisance etc. I have learned that not compromising does not mean getting my own way, it means trusting what I feel and expressing it so that a greater truth can be arrived at.
I loved how you shared that ‘a loving home is simply a reflection of the quality that is being lived within those four walls’. How beautiful that you were also able to choose a home from the quality of your inner heart. It sounds amazing Cherise.
I love this blog even more on a second read. I love it for its simplicity and its joyful message – compromising shuts out love. Thank you Cherise.
Saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise.This is a wee line that I will put into practice from now on.Thanks Cherise.
This is so gorgeous Cherise, I just love this:
“I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart and daily it guides my every way. When I hear it I know just what I feel, but when I truly listen – I know a love and a joy that won’t settle for anything less.” What a glorious way to live.
Cherise, I love the line in your great blog “I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart and daily it guides my every way”. That feels so beautiful. Once we come to that knowing, then the decisions that need to be made are no problem. The more we keep connected to our inner heart, the easier it is for everything to just flow. Whatever is needed for my support then just seems to appear at the right time.
Awesome read for me today Cherise. Self Worth and honouring how I feel is the foundation of all my choices.
Now… off to choose a new home 🙂
I think you might be onto something here Cherise! By reading through the comments, it seems you are not alone on this one. I too have so often compromised in my life which with no surprise means I have ended up with a compromised life. I know that is not rocket science and quite obvious but I really got that as I was writing it. Since coming across Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, I too have been exposed to a whole new level of love and how you can live your life and one that is not compromising of who you truly are. And then these teachings have inspired me to also make decisions that truly support who I am – without compromise. Thanks for the reminder of this. It is so important.
It is so easy to compromise in a world that tells us not to be so fussy…it will never be perfect.
Well it is not about fussy or perfect, it is about our willingness to be uncompromising with ourselves and to be joyously adventurous in saying “no” until our heart says “yes”.
Just reflecting on the fact that all too often we say “yes” when something is not right in the fear that might miss out…to houses, and to relationships. I love this blog Cherise, because you did not do that. Beautiful.
Really interesting points here Cherise! The distinction between a mere dwelling and more importantly, an actual home is huge. You can buy a house, but you have to make a home. You can find the framework with potential, but the rest is down to you. You sum it up perfectly when you say ” What we found in our new home was that nothing needed to be physically perfect but that saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise. By doing this we found a home that felt truly supportive of us and our daily routines, rituals and rhythms”. Given all the obstacles and hurdles scattered across the path of house buying, it sounds as if you have done well!
By accepting myself in full I have to respect that there are things that I want to have around and others I don’t. And to not be willing to make a compromise is not being inflexible it is more claming of who I truly am. That feels amazing coming down the road of being a human chameleon trying to match with every situation. Your blog is offering the truth of claiming myself in a loving way. Living without compromise. Very lovely, Cherise*.
Thank you Cherise, for the timely reminder of the difference between compromising our feelings versus being attached to an ideal or picture of what something should look or be like.
Another great blog Cherise. The greater the love we have for ourselves, the less compromise we allow in, its impossible to not move in this direction.
‘When I hear it I know just what I feel, but when I truly listen – I know a love and a joy that won’t settle for anything less.’
A perfect ending for such a gorgeous piece of writing. Thank you Cherise for sharing where our true home resides and that this place is within, always and forever, for us to connect to whenever we so choose.
Wow I love your blog Cherise. It is so amazing to feel the power in your words. Looking back at my experience with finding our new home 2 years ago for our family we definitely chose to compromise. We took on a lot more than what we could handle and purchase a property that needs a huge amount of renovating and love. Now we are learning to not go into overwhelm but to renovate each section of our house with love and appreciation. Also in the process to remember to appreciate the natural beauty we are surrounded in and the amazing wildlife.
How often have we felt to speak up or ignored that feeling to regret sometime after. I know I have and still do but I am learning that it always comes down to the connection with ourselves and honouring and committing to that.
So true sometimes we are less likely to compromise on the bigger things like a house to live in but we will say yes to do something for someone even if it is not supportive of ourselves. If we are being honest is any one thing actually bigger than another, in truth over riding ourselves is over riding ourselves no matter how big or small it may seem it is all the same. Great sharing thank you.
Great line: to say no to compromises. I will take this with me in the coming weeks. Nice to observe where I go into compromises. I am in the process of buying a new kitchen. So….very useful and practical advice: no compromises!
Cherise, I worked as an estate agent and remember distinctly how you could show a purchaser a house that ticked all the boxes but if it did not ‘feel’ right to them, then they would not buy it. If on the other hand the house felt right then you hardly needed to show them whole house for them to know it was right for them.
I recognize the pictures I have of how my house, life, relationships should/could feel like. I am learning to let them go and connect to my feelings instead of these mental constructs and I am enjoying the depth of me when I do this.
A joy to read your blog Cherise, so many great points you raised. I love this line and am feeling inspired to take this into my day with me –
” I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart and daily it guides my every way. When I hear it I know just what I feel, but when I truly listen – I know a love and a joy that won’t settle for anything less.”
I love this too, absolutely brilliant, inspirational and an awesome reminder for me. There have been many times in my life where I have settled for less but this is no longer what I choose. I am learning to listen to my heart and learning to say no to the things that are not supportive for me.
“there was a feeling in ourselves that (is) asking for the space for our honesty, to trust and to honour our feelings”. This is so true Cherise. I can feel how getting busy and making things complicated is an attempt to try and cover over a place in my heart that knows the truth … But it never works for the space is always there waiting for me to be still and listen to it’s simple message of truth and love. It’s always impulsing …. truth and love, truth and love, truth and love …. And it feels so beautiful and sweet.
I recently discovered when looking for a new place to live that when I truly trust and listen to my feelings the whole experience is simple, very quick, with everything happening in the perfect timing. In fact I couldn’t have organized it to be more perfect if I tried.
That is so powerful and supportive; to say yes only to what you knew felt right and saying no to compromise. This is so positive as it reflects how it can be for us all in the whole of our lives. No compromise.
I was looking at a house the other day, which was bigger, with a garden, well kept etc. Ticking many boxes. I wanted it to be something that it was not. When I went again with my partner, he did not like the house and the surrounding (and he was right). So we talked about it and after my initial disappointment I could see I was coming from ‘ I don’t deserve better’ in how I looked at the house. It was a great insight for me to see how I choose not to feel when I am in that consciousness.
I love the pararells you make between the quality of our choices in body and home, and that neither should be compromised because both deserve our best treatment and expression of love.
Yes, I agree with you Jennifer. It makes me stop and question my choices in my home and whether they are truly supporting and honouring myself and my family or whether I am compromising.
This is a great one for me Cherise. How many times have I felt the pressure of finding something just right on a tight timeline, and then approached the daunting task with such anxiety, that there would not have been much room for me to allow myself to feel into whether or not a place felt right. It was all about ticking the boxes, location, noise level, clean kitchen and bathroom, powerpoints, light & bright. I have the checklist down pat, which from a practical point of view is necessary….but with a little more trust and stillness, I can see that another level of knowing if a home is going to feel good or not can be reached.
“How many times have we done this… and in all areas of life? How many times have we gone along with something or someone, even though there was a feeling in ourselves that was asking for the space for our honesty, to trust and to honour our feelings?”
The above really resonates with me. If we can’t trust ourselves, or do and choose not to: what’s that showing us?
This struck me too Oliver, ‘..there was a feeling in ourselves that was asking for the space for our honesty…’ For me this speaks of the truth that we know what is true for us and it is always there for us to connect with. There is no judgement here, just an invitation to connect with ALL we need, right there within, waiting, waiting, waiting!
I have done this too many times. It is time to honour what I feel and to deeply trust this.
“saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to
Compromise ” Cherise this made me realise how in life we are taught that to compromise is a good thing, and it doesn’t have to be the case, if we all really feel whether something is right or not,
Then there is never any need to compromise.
This is great Cherise, those pesky ideals that sneak around asking us to compromise on what feels truly supportive. It happens across so many areas of our life.
Great to make the connection between self -worth and what we settle for in our lives. And that the more self-worth we have, the less we feel we have to compromise or apologise for what we feel.
So true Andrew. I’ve realised that my self-worth determines EVERY choice I make for myself and so when I look back on over my life, I can see how things have changed as I have developed a deeper sense of self-love and self-worth.
Great reflection on what house hunting can mean for us and what our choices expose, are we willing to compromise and make do or do we follow a natural progression towards the home that feels right and supports us?
I love how you wrote ‘I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart and daily it guides my every way.’ That’s so beautiful. I have lived most of my life making compromises but have now claimed the importance of saying no when something doesn’t feel right, the importance of respecting how I feel and placing as much importance on this as I do everything else.
“How many times have we gone along with something or someone, even though there was a feeling in ourselves that was asking for the space for our honesty, to trust and to honour our feelings?” I know I have done this a lot, as I didn’t trust myself as to what I was really feeling. My head kept getting in the way. Since learning to listen to my heart – and my body – I am better at expressing how I truly feel in situations – still a work in progress…If I learn to look after me, others will also be cared for and not ignored.
This is a wonderful blog that confirms how awesome it is to honour what you feel and in doing so you are living with what feels true and magic can occur, even in the most simplest way. Beautiful reminder, thank you.
Thank you Cherise for this blog. Compromise seems like such a big subject to me because I have spent so much of my life in it – spent being the operative word here. I can see so clearly how I have lost energy this way and lived far less than my true self. Many times i have started off with a clear choice and decision not to compromise but have fallen into the trap later. “When I connect to the warmth and love that exists vibrantly within my own heart, I know what loving choices I can make to support my everyday way of living” . Yes I feel this too and it’s always beautiful to read, as a reminder or as a confirmation.
I very much like your blog Cherise. I have been thinking about moving and therefore have started to look around and see what is being offered at the moment. And reading your blog I have realized the pictures and ideals I have in my head about a new home (where it should be, on which floor, how it might look like, newer building or older…), that might not necessarily be in accordance with what I feel would be right for me. Thank you.
Thank you Cherise for sharing, “saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise” I will take this with me, honouring my feelings is all that is needed.
Finding a new home can so easily become a box ticking exercise, how beautiful to find yourself in a home that is inspired by you. Cherise your willingness to put feelings before practicalities is inspiring, I can feel how supported you are by your choice.
Cherise, this is such a lovely confirmation of your connection to the love that you are where there is no compromise and yes to what is true and self nurturing. Thank you!
It makes me wonder how many times do we settle for something that feels nearly right, it ticks the boxes and is 95% there. If we have a quest and picture of what we want to achieve then unfortunately we may miss the real, true and supportive next thing. It’s great to read the real transformation that you felt when honouring what felt true with which home was for both of you,
Dear Cherise,
An absolute delight to read. How so very supportive to choose a home because it feels right, and not because it ticks the boxes. I so love the real ness of doing this, to live our lives based on our love and not compromising on this in any way.
I agree Leigh, not looking for a tick box but being willing to go with what is supportive, even if it is counter intuitive.
“I know a love and a joy that won’t settle for anything less.” Cherise, this is so far beyond that ‘dissatisfaction with imperfection” that won’t settle for anything less, with which most of us approach house-hunting, and even partner-hunting, and in fact anything-hunting. It is so vital to learn that true support comes from within and that nothing outside ourselves can ever be perfect, though, imbued with our own love, it can be exactly what we need.
Beautifully expressed Dianne. Making the distinction between getting it right or perfect and what is needed to support at the time also takes acceptance of ourselves and grows the more we honour ourselves.
It’s really lovely to feel the difference between the ideal of perfection and how it imposes or rather dictates to what is within; and what is just a perfect reflection of what’s needed to nurture the loveliness within. Both your comments and Cherise’s blog really support me in feeling this difference and being able to distinguish between the two. Thank you.
A very solid point – there is so much more to compromise than we may consider and the cost to us – to not compromise is to go with what we know to be ‘right’ and sometimes we compromise instead because we have ideas about it such as if we don’t compromise we will somehow lose out….in fact its the opposite…to not compromise is powerfully expressed in this blog, it is about truly supporting ourselves and when we do, there is so much more to be lived, feeling empowered and great because we are truly supported!
Cherise “to trust and to honour our feelings” is a simple recipe to avoid compromises and in doing so you did find the home that will nurture you and your friend.
It just goes to show how we can limit ourselves in so many ways, when we do not stay true to our simplest of feelings. It is so easy to let our heads lead the way in such ‘important’ decisions. But as you have shown if we honour what we feel we will be blessed with whatever is needed in that moment.
“…it is clear to see that a loving home is simply a reflection of the quality that is being lived between its four walls” – words to live by, and an outer reflection of that deep love within. I too have compromised all too often, and all it does is perpetuate the problems and the discord, in effect keeping us from that love that is a simple birthright for us all.
So beautifully expressed Cherise, I felt your lovely connection with yourself and the deep honoring of what was needed for you in choosing your new home. An inspiration for me to bring more awareness to expressing more of who I am from my body and not my head, thank you.
“…it is clear to see that a loving home is simply a reflection of the quality that is being lived between its four walls”. Never has a statement more true been made Cherise. We can have the most prestigious home in the most idyllic location with all the bells and whistles but if the quality of living from the members within the home is low then it drags the house down with it. We make the house we live in, and i’m not just saying that because I am a bricklayer.
Cherise, your words ‘… saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise.’ really add a whole new meaning and level of responsibility to the topic of compromising. Thank you.
I had an amazing experience today and stayed with my connection to my body and what I felt, I did not let anyway influence me. I just allowed myself to cnnect to my inner truth. It was great as I had no anxiousness at all, just a strong knowing.
I love what you have raised in this blog. We are taught that compromise is a part of life and especially a part of our relationships – we are told we have to be prepared to compromise to “make it work.” What is more natural is to be true to ourselves, listen to the wisdom of our bodies and we will automatically take everyone else into consideration. It is so true that the pictures we have of how things should be, even if they seem to be positive are quite constraining and limiting.
I love how you say how it is more natural to listen to the wisdom of our bodies, and when doing this we automatically take everyone else into consideration. This is what I too have felt for myself. To support myself fully expands to where I can truly support others.
Such an important topic and thank you for sharing you experience. Having myself experiences many times a compromise in looking for a new home (and other areas too) but also times where it has just felt so right – there is such a distinct difference in how you feel everyday in that home.
On reading this again I really enjoy the simplicity and the beauty of your expression, both here on the blog but also with your flat mate. The communication between you feels like one that is so open and free of any impositions. A very very beautiful sharing Cherise.
Gorgeous blog Cherise and very timely for my upcoming move to Australia and subsequent search for somewhere to call home, while being in the knowingness that my true home resides in my inner-heart, the place where there is no room for compromise. Thank you.
I know the feeling so well Cherise of trying to fit myself in to a rental property because it ticks most of the boxes but doesn’t quite feel right. It is so well worth honouring our feelings because when we do we usually find something that is perfect just around the corner.
Thankyou Cherise, what a gorgeous sharing. I really loved this line: “a loving home is simply a reflection of the quality that is being lived between its four walls.” So true and confirms for me that we should always go for the gold that we know ourselves to be.
I enjoyed reading your blog about this huge subject, Cherise. I’ve done my share of compromising, and not to do it at all is an ongoing process. This process is a returning back to who I truly am in my essence and reflecting that to the world, – without compromise. It requires commitment and awareness, – but what a joy!
Thank you for sharing Cherise this beautiful blog on all your reflections and learnings when looking for a new home. And a lovely and timely reminder that: ‘ saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise’, feels self nurturing and very loving to do.
Thank you, Cherise, for sharing your experience of finding a new home without compromising your feelings – which many of us have often done. It is a reminder to us all that our true home is in our heart; to connect with our inner heart and trust its guidance.
Lovely blog Cherise. We have just had the same experience in house hunting. We spent 5 months looking and there so many that were almost there. The pressure was on because of our budget and the ever-increasing house prices. There was at times the creep of ‘can we live with this?’ We persisted in our un-compromising requirements and in the end the perfect house that supported us was found.
Such a great example of seeking that ‘perfect scenario’ in life and allowing it to get in the way of being whole and complete in oneself. It staggers me how much energy I wasted in my own life, trying to find the perfect partner, job, house, suburb, etc, all because I doubted myself, in particular, the true feeling that wherever I was and whoever I was with, I could bring everything to life and need little back from it. A fundamental truth I learned as a student of Universal Medicine, is that of becoming whole within and then offering life that amazing reflection, by healing the neediness in myself. This is gold and is a never-ending understanding and joyful way of evolving.
Wow Cherise I love this blog! It has come at a perfect time for me as I can really relate this to the jobs I have been offered recently. Thank you for sharing I will take this gem of wisdom into many areas of my life.
Great article Cherise. Listening to our heart and not compromising… all of our choices would then beautifully support us.
That is awesome Cherise, to often we are settling for less, when if we stop restricting and limiting ourselves from what else is out in the world that may be presented to us, then so many doors can open up and you never know what could come your way. Possibly something that is absolutely perfect for what you need at that point in life.
There are many situations where we tend to settle for ‘almost right’ or ‘close enough’, and I found out recently that it serves no-one to compromise or be too hasty, because it then requires an awful lot of extra time and effort to re-imprint what could have been glorious all along.
Great point Ariel, that when we do not settle for less, who knows what doors will open and where they will lead… maybe and ‘possibly something that is absolutely perfect for what you need at that point in life’.
I can so relate and recall the times when I have over rood feelings that have come up and not honoured them… It leaves me feeling less of who I am and feeling uneasy from making those choices. When I do honour my feelings it is super empowering and every thing flows and is natural.
Awesome as always Cherise. Love with out compromise can be a choice that is easier said than truly lived sometimes, and I keep learning about the little areas in life that I compromise on, as you point out, based on the little areas of lack of self worth that I still have.
SO many times I have felt something only to do the complete opposite, I can certainly relate to the honouring of my feelings being based on my own measure of self-worth. This measure is often gauged or based on how I treat myself in the day by my daily movements. If I am gentle with myself, take time to stop and breath when flustered I feel more inclined to follow my feelings. Likewise if I give more attention to whats outside of me – pushing to get tasks done at any expense my feelings get sidelined in favour of the ‘got to do this’ and the millions of justifications that come with such a drive. Thank you for this Cherise, I will be coming back to read this one again as there is so much in these words to learn from.
A home without compromise, relationships without compromise, a life without compromise – just being me.
Life, here I am :o)
Great point Michael, no holding yourself back in any area of your life, very inspiring!
Thank you Cherise. Some great points to consider for my next home move.
To not compromise or dismiss how we feel about any experience or situation leaves us feeling like we know that there is so much more that can be lived and not to settle for anything less
I love the distinction you make between a house being physically perfect, fitting the picture and an idealised image, as opposed to it feeling true because it is supportive and a real home. When we truly feel into what is needed rather than what we might want (something that can change quite quickly), there are then no compromises or half-hearted decisions.
A beautiful revelation Cherise of the truth that one ‘hears’, what the inner heart has to express. Compromise is a love-less way of being.
Acting on what I feel to be true is ultimately so much easier than when I weigh up the pros and cons in my mind. When we are in the flow, present and allowing ourselves to truly feel, then all is startlingly clear.
Oh the dreaded pros and cons list, even with sophisticated ways of scoring how much weight each item has and calculating totals!!
So much easier to trust the flow and go with it.
House hunting is always interesting to watch. Working in the industry myself, I often tell people to not compromise. We get caught in the trap thinking that there is nothing out there and that we won’t find the house so we just accept the next thing that comes along. I always tell people to trust in the process because I have never seen, not the right one turn up when we learn to say no and trust that we will find the one that we can say yes to.
We all could learn to trust ourselves more and that we do get looked after.
Thanks Cherise for highlighting the importance of recognising and appreciating our self worth and applying that when making any decision
Lovely to read Cherise thank you. I find when I really listen to my inner heart, and trust what I feel, it does guide me in every moment. ‘ My true home resides in my inner heart ‘ … I totally agree.
This is beautiful Cherise. It really exposes the ideal of being a good person or being in a great relationship, means to be able to compromise. How often do we hear when there are two or more different points of view that we need to learn to compromise. This blog shows the ridiculous nature of compromise, it is not about compromise but truth for all equally so.
What you wrote here Cherise is essentially about love and you have made it so real and really bring through the understanding that love is about a quality of energy that we hold ourselves and others in. A great example of love in action.
Beautifully said Elizabeth. Love is prepared to be with the truth of what is there to be looked at and not choosing any compromises to avoid feeling the truth. How truly wonderful to choose a home with this foundational integrity.
To not compromise on what feels true is such a simple concept but can be so difficult to put into practice. When I just make it about each moment to moment with my responsibility to act in and speak in accordance to the depth of who I am, life gets simple and seems to flow with exact precision.
Thank you, Cherise
Thank you Rebecca, I have tears as I contemplate what you have shared, as I truly accept for myself the simple ness of living moment by moment with my responsibility to respond in accordance to the depth of who I am. These words are gold.
I love this too Rebecca, it can be totally about each and every small moment and the detail of them that will naturally equate to the big picture of living with honour and responsibility.
Thank you Cherise, absolutely beautiful how you express from your inner heart, and have such a deep relationship with yourself, and “saying no to compromise”. I feel this is a true step to returning to expressing all that we are. Definitely, and forever an inspiration you are, in your absolute dedication to express, your delicateness and steadiness.
I enjoyed reading your blog Cherise. Great that while listening to your heart you found a home that truly supports you.
Cherise, while reading your article it became apparent to me that if we compromise ourselves, in effect we are settling for second best.
By not living up to the level of integrity that we know we can, by not taking care of ourselves, by eating foods and drinks that are not right for us, by holding back on what is needed to be said or done, then all we are doing is confirming to ourselves that we are second best.
As a result, what we offer to the world is our second best…and what a waste that compromise would be.
Gorgeous blog Cherise. It’s incredible that you found a way to overcome the desire to ‘fit in’, and have accepted that you deserve nothing but absolute love – thus have taken the time to find a home without compromising at all.
How beautiful you have shared your experience Cherise that in any situation we can look deeper to see if we have compromised in honoring everything that we already know from within, and expressing from that glory.
“Saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to Compromise.” If I live by making life about choosing what feels right, then there would be no need for warning bells.
Thank you for the clarity offered in your blog Cherise. It has enabled me to see more clearly how compromising feeds lack of self worth and takes me away from the flow and harmony that naturally exists in my body. In compromising it’s like every part of my body is forced to brace itself to deal with the choice I’ve made that does not fully honour me or my evolution. When all the while the pulse in my body is calling me to go deeper and be more of who I am. I can feel that this is a much greater service and support to me and all those I come into contact with as they get to receive the open and loving Stevie rather than the contracted version living a life of compromise and limitation. Compromise offers us a false sense of harmony whereas True harmony is anything but compromising in its expression of the flow and rhythm that serves all.
I love Stevie, how you expose that compromise offers a false sense of harmony. This is such a very true statement and one that will support me greatly as I continue to reveal, expose and let go of where I have compromised in my life.
Your beautiful blog reminded me of the many places I have chosen to live, and why I moved there and what unfolded. The place I loved the most, which was set in an idyllic location, turned out to be a place filled with much pain and sadness, which I know now that I put up with as I didn’t want to leave the house. I realise that I had hoped that living in this gorgeous home would be the cure to the ills in my life, so I compromised. Now I am much wiser and “I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart and daily it guides my every way.”
A woman without compromise, Cherise, a home without compromise, …love without compromise? — practicing! And each day living like that is joy.
Gorgeous and very honoring blog, Cherise. I love how you wrote:
‘how comfortable the pictures really are of where we think we should be and what we think things should look like, but how the pictures can actually leave us feeling restricted or stuck in our everyday living, out of harmony in our otherwise natural flow and development within life and held back from our innate yearning to evolve ourselves and be more of who we truly are.’
Ideals and beliefs about how things (in this example a house) should be or should look like are always restricting and keep us out of connection with ourselves and stop us from feeling what we actually feel. Inside we know exactly what we need and what is supporting for us.
I agree Monika, well said. I have found trying to live up to the pictures created by ideals and beliefs almost impossible always leading me to feel a sense of failure that I cannot live up to this ‘perfect’ picture. The more I honour and listen to my body the less ideals and beliefs control the way I live and the more freeing life has become.
Compromise does indeed make for a very shaky foundation in all areas of life, and it also breeds resentment and deep discontent. When we compromise, nobody wins.
I too have found that my measure of my own worth and my willingness to compromise or ‘settle’ are directly related. The more I confirm myself as precious, the less I am able to settle for ‘almost’.
That’s true for me too Helen. By working on developing my self-worth I have shifted my standards in all manner of ways accordingly. Very interesting.
Helen, I am beginning to feel for myself how much more difficult it is to compromise as I too deepen my connection to me feeling how precious and fragile I am. This brings with it a desire to care for myself with the deepest love, which is then naturally asking for others to treat me in the same way, making compromise a very harming choice, for both myself and others.
Absolutely gorgeous blog Cherise. You clearly write from a very claimed and deep level of self worth and what you share is true inspiration for us all. I not long ago moved into a new home myself, and my experience was not dissimilar to yours, only your sharing has taken this to a deeper level of understanding, seeing without judgment those pictures that still at times override my own true inner knowing. What you share here is not just about our homes, but a practical approach to living a life without compromise of the love that we are. Another testament to living true self worth.
I love this article Cherise, it feels like when you describe living from the warmth and love of your inner heart that there is no need for compromise yet an endless possibility of feeling everything and honouring that.
It is so true that we “compromise” a lot. This article has inspired me to discern more about “compromising”. Thank you Cherise for writing this.
It is easy to get caught up in what something should look like, but as you discovered, how you feel about it is so much more important. Trusting this sense is so supportive and profoundly more true than anything that “looks the picture” so to speak.
I agree Maryline words of wisdom “…. whatever amount of love I thought I deserved at the time, an amount always measured by my own measure of self-worth”. I saw this play out when I renovated my bedroom and I did not hold back on the love that went into this. The bedroom I had no longer matched the level of worth and love I felt for myself. Now every time I walk into my bedroom it confirms back to me my beauty and depth as a beautiful woman….my bedroom feels amazing.
How lovely Cherise. I so get what you’re saying here. I had a similar experience just last week when purchasing a car. I found that on a couple of occasions I was swayed by my husbands choices, the prices, and the time. But for the first time I really stuck to the feelings I had until the right one came along. In the end it was one that was pointed out by my husband, but that was okay because I could feel that it was the right car for me. What was even more awesome about it was that it was even nicer than I had allowed myself to think I deserved, and by that special offering I could deepen my appreciation for myself in accepting this gift!
“When I connect to the warmth and love that exists vibrantly within my own heart, I know what loving choices I can make to support my everyday way of living – to bring that warmth through my livingness each day, to my home, my family and far beyond without compromise.”
Divinely expressed, Cherise.
Just gorgeous Cherise what a beautiful and supportive way to approach finding a home. As you say we can apply it to all aspects of our lives – not compromising but honouring what is true and felt within.
I feel like I am at home when I read this gorgeous article. Thank you Cherise. I relate totally to the pictures or expectations we have of how we should live or how our home should be rather than allowing our homes to show us how we are with ourselves, accepting this and then making new choices. This has been a biggie for me.
Great blog, thank you Cherise.
The truth you bring about compromising I have found can be applied to every aspect of our lives. I find that when I compromise, it always leads to complications and a lacking in some way. And it really is a reflection of how much I value myself in any given situation. As my self-worth has increased so too has my ability to not compromise – for me they go hand in hand.
“saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise”
Thank you Cherise and this could certainly be applied to ALL areas of our life.
As a serial house mover, I have found that each house has supported us more and more to where we were at in our life. Those ideals and picture about what we wanted and how things should be just doesn’t seem to have the same effect on us anymore.
For me and my husband, a big kitchen was a ‘must have’ and of course that also meant big dining area for entertainment. Over the years, we have become very simple, our needs have changed and so has our diet – myself and my husband have lost over 16 stone in weight jointly.
Our current house is big but the kitchen is relatively small. It got me thinking why is this?
I realised it has supported us to let go of excess cooking and eating and become super simple so it was not a compromise, just a truth supporting us where we are at in our life right now.
No surprise we are moving again, as this big house is not needed. We are downsizing and anyone who knows us would see this as a backward move. For us it feels like a real responsible move and we are sensible enough to know and feel it will NOT be a compromise in any way.
What you say here Bina is great, expanding in ourselves does not mean a bigger house. A house can be small and feel very spacious and exactly what is needed to expand living the love together.
I wonder how many times we compromise, and settle, and then almost lie to ourselves so as to make things work, to hide our compromise from ourselves. If we do this over and over again, do we end up thinking that ‘the world’ only offers us these compromised choices, that a lesser, or jaded form of life is normal? Do we cease to be aware of our compromises, and that we could make more supportive choices?
I totally relate to the ideals and pictures of what we can bring to any living situation. The house I currently live in does not meet my ‘Grand Designs’ home specs but it is the love that is being lived everyday within the house that makes it grand in its own right.
“…. whatever amount of love I thought I deserved at the time, an amount always measured by my own measure of self-worth”. Reading your very inspiring blog Cherise I can measure how my self-worth has increased over the years and that my home is now the place where my heart is with no compromise.
The power of our love appreciated, honoured and expressed blows me away endlessly. And the insidious undermining of this, that goes on through our mental misgivings, doubts and overriding of what we feel, is ever present. Thank you, Cherise, for putting another mark of honouring love, our innate wisdom, on the map.
Your blog asks me to consider the consequences of everything that I have settled for and reminds me that at some point I have always had a choice. I can also feel how the whole world is blessed by this home without compromise. Thank you Cherise.
What a wonderful blog! This quote is truly amazing “…. I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart and daily it guides my every way. When I hear it I know just what I feel, but when I truly listen – I know a love and a joy that won’t settle for anything less.” This is a whole new marker for decisions in all aspects of our life. In this connection we can learn to live a life without compromise.
Compromise is bigger in our lives than we suspect. In every moment that we make a choice – when we don’t choose Love, we have compromised. Much food for thought. Thank you Cherise.
This is an inspiring story. Only recently have I accepted how important it is to honor exactly what I deep down feel is true for me, in my heart and my body. I’ve spent over 25 years overriding what I feel is true and right for me, it was something that I trained myself to do very young, around the age of 5 or 6 to keep people happy, or the situation so called calm. I thought this was the right thing to do because following what I felt to be true was ‘inconsiderate of others, uncaring or selfish’. Recently I’ve seen that what is true in my heart is actually true and right for everyone, and that my heart knows how to consider the all. So any time I reject my feelings and don’t honour what I know is true I am actually rejecting those around me and possibly even harming them, or causing complications. Knowing this supports me to stay true to my feelings, to support me and everyone else.
Very inspirational, Cherise. I know many situations where I have compromised, because I thought the world is not perfect and did not trust that the true situation, object or person for me would come.
It feels like something quite big is being said here and finding a home is a great and simple example. As you explained so well, we box ourselves in to how we think things should be and then miss out on the ease and flow of what we were not even prepared to consider. With this I often feel how much I want to control what I want despite it not being what is true, harmonious and evolving- thank you for saying it like this Cherise, you make the true choice easier and more obvious. I love what you finish off with too -about living by your inner heart.
Good choice Cherise as where there is compromise there cannot be love.
A home is a home because of how we are in it and not because it has certain features or is based in a certain location. When I travel, I very quickly refer to where I’m staying as ‘home’ because it is for as long as I am there.
It is home ‘for as long as I am there’ – beautifully put. Wherever I truly am is home.
Well said Sandra – “a home is a home because of how we are in it”
You are a wonder, Cherise. I began reading this feeling as if I was going to be confirmed in a potential decision to move house and that in order to live without compromising what is truly supportive for me, it was up to the house itself to tick those boxes as well as my choice to not settle for less. Well how blessed am I to have read this? Perfect timing as I’m now truly confirmed and I feel a joy in accepting the truth you present – my true home is within me and as long as I stay with that nurturing, living stillness, there is no doubt as to where my love resides.
Peta, I love your sharing. I felt also how I often use outside to confirm me rather than starting with that feeling in me and knowing that it’s from there, when I connect to who I am and am willing to live that, then I see what truly supports me outside, but it’s not about needing that outside or expecting it to prop me up. It’s the choice I made to connect to that stillness in me, without that, nothing out there no matter how supportive it may seem will work – I love this, I feel the joy in the responsibility of that connection to me and taking the steps needed from there. And thank you Cherise, perfect timing to read this blog today.
Cherise: I can really relate to what you have written here “settling for whatever amount of love I thought I deserved at the time, an amount always measured by my own measure of self-worth.” I have found that my own measure of self worth influences all my choices.
Whenever I read your words Cherise, I always feel at home with me. This blog made me consider what an interesting phrase ‘house hunting’ is in itself. In your example it feels like when you trust and do not compromise your feelings, the right house presents itself. The only thing I see as being hunted down here are the ideals and pre-conceived pictures of what our home might be.
So true Joseph when you say “when you trust and do not compromise your feelings, the right house presents itself”. It feels like, when looking for a house/appartment, our dwelling is always the reflection of who we are at a particular time in our lives. I have certainly noticed it for myself.
Perfectly expressed Joseph, hunted down and then discarded for they serve no true purpose when the external search leads us further away from our truth.
Yes Joseph great point. I too have discovered that by being open and not having pre-conceived ideas I am presented with exactly what is there to support me at that time. It is often not what I would have imagined and often does not come in the time frame I would have wanted – but if I take care of everything that needs to be done temporally and remain trusting it leaves room for magic to happen!
Absolutely Joseph – trusting and not compromising on our feelings can lead to some great, and very beautiful things.
Wow Cherise, you have presented an absolute treasure chest here – one gem that particularly grabbed me was the clarity you brought to the disconnect between the pictures we hold of how things should or could be, and the reality of what actually supports us. It struck me how we can live a life attached to these “pictures”, striving to replicate them to the very pixel, and then onto the next and the next, but when we achieve the picture, rather than feeling complete – there is a hollowness, an emptiness that can only be quieted by repeating the process. I don’t want to live a life where I have amassed on my wall a collection of beautiful, impressive pictures, under which I sit exhausted and confused as to why it still is not enough!
Could it be as simple as giving myself a break from the external searching, measuring, striving and begin to look within – to trust that love and innate knowing which is within each of us equally?
Amazing pondering Hannah, could it be that it is in looking deeply within ourselves (and not outside) that brings a trueness and fullness to who we are and then all else around us constellates accordingly – what a waste of time it can be to place effort on the outside at the expense of who we already are.
Indeed Cherise, I think we’re onto something! 😉
If we settle for less in one area of life, it affects every other part of life.
Matthew I am beginning to see how settling for less has a ripple effect into other parts of my life.
This is so true Matthew, when we look at life from the spherical, all-ancompassing and interconnected point of understanding everything we do affects everything and it isn’t possible to live with quality in one part and not in another.
I completely agree Matthew.
This is so true Matthew. This has been really supportive to me in realising this. Commitment goes across the board, in all areas of our life, and as I step up in one area I commit to stepping up in another, that way my WHOLE life becomes more of a commitment and not just parts of it, and that way I bring all aspects of me to complete the whole.
Beautiful Cherise, to use the analogy of finding the truly supportive home and how we have so often compromised our true inner feelings and gone with something that just doesn’t feel quite right, yet in other areas we are really onto being honest about what we feel.
I loved your blog Cherise, it has made me reflect about my life and when I compromise and settle for less than what truly supports me.
This in turn gives others around me the message that settling for less is OK. In contrast when I take good care and look after myself people around me learn and get a reflection of what caring for oneself looks like.
Beautifully expressed Cherise. The way you choose to fully honour that which is eternal and true is truly inspiring. I can feel the beholding love and warmth when I enter your home even though I’ve never physically been there. May you continue to let out that love that vibrantly exists within you. Thank you….again.
I moved around a lot as a child, so having lived in many different houses I have always known that I could make a home of whatever was there. When we were house hunting a couple of years ago, I would never have imagined the home that we would end up buying, as I was happy to settle for less and ‘make do’. We found a home that was so much more than I felt we deserved – how crazy is that? Of course we are worth it! It ticked all the boxes and so much more, but most of all it supports our family and our rhythms. Thank you for sharing Cherise, as it gave me a reflection to look at what I have chosen and an opportunity to appreciate.
A life of compromise is how I once lived. I was taught that any successful relationship needed compromise and that we compromise in all areas of our life to have peace and work well together. Funnily enough I mostly never felt any of what compromise was supposed to give. I now know that compromise is not true and that two people who are willing to live themselves fully and express from here never have to compromise as they will always inevitably get to a truth that is equal for both.
Thank you Cherise, a great blog that reminds me of the saying… ‘Home is where the heart is’ It says it all!
I have always loved this expression but not really grasped the entirety of its meaning. But on further reflection after reading all that is written here, I have come to an understanding that the space we choose to hold us and to house us can become an extension of the beds of love that are our hearts in which our true self lies. Of course, we can also choose counter to this love in which case our homes are NOT such expressions of love! Yes home is where the heart is – but only if we so choose it to be.
Cherise, after a lifetime of compromising – of ‘making do,’ of ‘beggars can’t be choosers,’ I’m going to re-read your blog many times.
I’m even looking for somewhere to live and finding a place that ticks the boxes in some areas but not all rather like your blog describes. And I’ve been feeling a choice between making do or trusting what I feel and connecting to yes I am worth supporting. Thank you so much for writing this blog. It’s inspiring in every aspect of one’s life.
“saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise” – great message Cherise, love the description of the process and can tangibly feel the quality of the end result and how much more it will be able to hold you to develop your loving way of living. The learning you share applies to so many areas of life, I’ll be back to read this again.
Wonderful Cherise. The emphasis should and always should be on the quality lived between the walls of a home.
This creates the clear difference between a house and a home.
What a beautiful observation Luke. It is the quality we live in that brings life to everything and makes a house a home.
Cherise this is a very timely blog as I am also in the middle of moving house. It has been such an incredible experience. Every house and even the choice to go look at a house or not came from feeling what felt right and what didn’t. I gave myself the space to feel every place in detail – what looked good didn’t often feel right. Upon entering the street I will be soon living in, I felt this was the place well before I walked in the door. Walking in the door and feeling the place was the confirmation.
Moving tomorrow. I have doubted the flow and simplicity. I have wavered. This article and the comments have confirmed that to focus on the physical features of a house is to miss the point. Feel it and know that in my essence I can make ‘home’ anywhere. Thank you.
Enjoy your move Matilda. I recently moved home and it was easy, relaxed and stress free. All my previous moves have been fraught with tension and angst and peppered with arguments and sometimes tears. What a turn around. I can connect to your comment “I can make ‘home’ anywhere.” It seems that the more at home I am in my own skin, the truer that statement is.
How timely for you Matilda! I am moving soon too – and like you – I really love the possibility of making it a very simple and connected experience.
Very true Vicky. It is important to be completely open to feeling everything when looking for a house to live. I have also noticed that what there is is important but also what the potential of the house for the future is so that it can accommodate our future development and evolution.
And what a beautiful confirmation that is Vicky, thank you for sharing.
This is lovely, Vicky. I too have felt whether a place is right or not before walking in the door and so the physical confirmation becomes an joyful experience. A great way to make decisions, based on feeling rather than looks or prestige.
This was really healing for me to read, as currently I am looking to move and have many ‘pictures’ in my head tied in with old ideals and beliefs, plus what I can afford. What I felt you presented here was to connect to you and your self worth always stay with this and the rest will unfold. It also reminds me to trust. I would love to hear more about your daily routines, rituals and rhythms.
Your blog supports us all to consider how things feel rather than going into automatic choices that come from our head, habits, ideals, just to get things done. It is truly liberating to live a life in this way and not settling for choices that compromise the loveliness and grandness of who we are, as I am starting to see in my own life.
Absolutely Emma and the more that we ‘feel’ our way through choices and life the more normal it becomes to live this way leaving the alternative to begin to be completely unnatural to us and therefore we can honour our own feelings more and more.
“Trusting What We Feel Without Compromise” says it all for me thank you Cherise, something I can practice more in all areas of my life. I will be moving house too in a few months and I feel inspired by the prospect after reading your blog.
Cherise such a gorgeously honouring blog of support for yourself and your new home with no compromise. Love it.
I really liked the fact that ‘no compromise’ was not letting their choices be swayed when it didn’t feel right. Do what feels good and you’re on track.
Yes good point Oliver, in the past I always understood compromise to be about curtailing my needs, desires or wants, rather than about honouring my feelings. When I do, they never fail to deliver, and when I don’t I wished I had!
This is of course, deeply beautiful. What you have shared here about compromise and our innate inner knowing of what feels so true for us is profound. So often we do have those feelings that something doesn’t feel ‘quite right’ but don’t pay attention because it may not make sense in our head. More and more I am discovering that my body knows, even well in advance – from when the thought enters my mind – of what may be compromising behaviour. This is amazing and I am loving learning more and more from my body about this. Thank you for your sharing Cherise – your beauty and wisdom is so naturally passed on for all.
Thank you. Without compromise to myself. It can be applied to everything.
Great Blog Cherise, ‘home is where the heart is’ – the price we pay when we compromise has resounding repercussions – as we probably all know in our various ways! This inspires me to trust myself more.
That is beautiful Cherise, and super relevant to where I currently am in my life. My husband and I are just selling our unit to be able to build an extension on our house for our family…I am approaching it without compromise exactly as you have written, but you have made it clear that it is a feeling I am not to compromise…and not a picture in my head (ideal) Thank You!
Thank you Cherise
‘Saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise.’
How clear and simple life can be when we follow what we know is true
Thank you Cherise for sharing this beautiful Bog
Cherise I can relate to your searching for the right house. It is not about having the perfect house in terms of real estate but the house that feels right for you and will honour you everyday in all you do. In not compromising your feelings and needs – you found the right house!
Love what you share here Cherise “saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise” – so well stated, yes it’s the constant compromising isn’t it that always creates and confirms the reality we hold of ourselves as being less, and therefore worth less, or worthless. Looking for a house is no different to other situations too, like looking for a new job, negotiating a salary/package or a relationship. Feeling what’s right for us, continually trusting this, to feel what depth we are worth; our value, comes from not having compromised on what we feel-know.
Compromise and over-riding my inner-hearts feelings is something that can easily lead me astray – and I’ve taken a few wrong turns only to come back all the wiser. Your blog really confirmed that deeply listening and holding self-worth in your body actually guides us to where we need to be to support us to be more of who really are. Thank you.
This is lovely Cherise, I don’t often take the time to stop and appreciate how supportive my home can be, so, thank you for sharing.
Finding a home as opposed to a house, is really worth the effort of not compromising. Looking for the home that I now live in took me awhile and the Estate Agent wasn’t sure I made the right decision, but it felt right for me! I am inspired to hear you made the whole experience, a great learning experience by recognising your ideals and beliefs could hold you back. I love that you share that “I know my true home resides in my inner heart”. Truly beautiful Cherise.
Cherise, great blog, it really is about feeling and connecting to the truth we hold within us and not settling for anything less. So not compromising. Our body does tell us the truth and we can feel into this. I have recently have connected to this in some major decisions in my life.
This is a good point, Cherise, that ‘saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise’.
In fact, the need for compromise only exists when we have a list of attributes that we are looking for, like those ‘comfortable pictures’ of ‘what we think things should look like’. If we remain open, trust and allow life to be, we draw to us something that suits us in that moment in time. Even if it does not initially look like what we thought we wanted, it actually does provide what we need to support us to expand into a fuller way of being with ourselves and others.
That is such a great article Cherise and something I am learning how to do these days for myself too. I am learning that I am a worthwhile person and that I don’t have to compromise my feelings for anyone or anything. The more I claim how I feel, what feels right the more amazing the outcomes are. Life is all about feeling and when we are connected to our warm and vibrant love in our hearts, then choosing where to live becomes a journey of finding the match as you walk into a house that fits with the feeling within. I am discovering that when I truly honour and make choices based on my own feeling of love, the results are often 10 times more supportive than I had anticipated in a great many ways I had not foreseen.
I enjoyed your blog Cherise… you last line, “I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart” is exquisite.
Whilst I was reading your blog a phrase came up for me that had been guiding me for all my life – I must have been given it by my mum. Saying ” if there’s any bit of doubt in you/ your body – then it’s not a clear yes”. Right now – looking for a new apartment – I’ve got to remind myself on this – combined with the deep knowing, that everything is already there.
No compromise, it’s a good one isn’t it. Thanks for sharing your experience in looking for a a home. It is a lovely one. It reminded me of my own story when I bought a car at the beginning of last year – it felt 95% right but there was a small niggle about an element of the car. I chose to ignore it and I compromised. Ouch! I paid for that one – literally – I have had to spend a bit of money on the car. And now looking at selling it on and looking for a new one. This one without any compromise. 🙂
As someone who has spent a lifetime compromising myself in many situations I feel inspired by reading this blog and particularly ‘saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise’. Thank you Cherise.
I so recognize how pictures of how things should be are so constricting and leave you feeling less, because you didn’t find something that fits the picture. When I let go of these images things are able to unfold without boundaries or expectations.
Thank you Cherise for allowing us to see the importance and value in what otherwise seems like ‘must do things’ in our life.
Time usually has a big part to play in what we sacrifice, but your way of finding a home was so beautiful – and I agree that care should be put into everything we do.
Home is where the heart is.
What comes to mind on reading this blog is how many times I have just let things go or let things stand or thought to myself ” that will do”, not wanting to make a fuss or just being lazy. And to do this I have to over-ride those feelings that are telling me it is not ok or not right. It is so easy to not claim our feelings and honour them as a deep truth.
This is a very interesting perspective, most people always say that you have to compromise to some degree with most things in life, especially when talking about making relationships work. I find this usually leaves space for resentment to creep in.
Reading what you say about things not needing to be perfect, and ‘saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise’ is really helpful.
Another beautiful blog Cherise, where you raise some great points and reminders. Thank you for sharing.
A lovely sharing about what makes a home. And yes, our homes are an extension of the warmth that we feel in our hearts. How beautiful.
“We were committed and open to learning more about ourselves, the ideals and pictures we have carried around about our houses and the unending depth of self-healing and self-development that was presenting great opportunity for change”. I have felt this in many of your blogs Cherise. That being your commitment, willingness and openness to learn and grow from the many situations in life and how you share these learnings with such wisdom and depth of reflection. Thank you Cherise, I find it deeply inspiring.
It is all too easy to be swept along by how we think we would like our home to be, and ignore the little signs that were telling us there is more to feel into. I remember nearly buying a house 5/6 years ago that ticked all the boxes. It was within my price range although pricey for what it was, but I put that down to the location; it had a great view, close to work, but all the time there was something that was asking me to question it. As the sale went on the lady kept moving the goal posts on when the sale would happen and then wanted to up the price. In the end I pulled out of the sale. I am so glad I did. I now have a home that is so much more supportive and is a place where I love living. Interestingly it was a house I didn’t really like when I first bought it, but now I absolutely love it.
Cherise this is an amazing blog – a delight to read. We are all brought up in a society where compromise is not only the norm, it is actually highly encouraged. Thank goodness Serge Benhayon came along for us to know that life can be lived in a different way – a life in true connection with ourselves.
“A life in true connection with ourselves” is a great point Eva. With a life lived in this way, everything is taken care of and complete trust becomes possible. Thank you.
I recently bought a car, and like you Cherise, chose one that would support me in my daily and work routines. I silenced all thoughts of ‘making do’ and went for what felt right for me. I broke all previous beliefs I had about myself and bought a car, as you say, without compromise. It felt amazing.
It is so easy to compromise in situations like this when there may be the added pressure of time. Well done for honouring what felt true for you.
This is such a lovely way to understand what our homes are really about. “I know a love and a joy that won’t settle for anything less”, that really is Home Sweet Home Cherise.
Thank you Cherise, it is a great reminder to not over ride our feelings and neglect our true impulse. When I am making a joint decision I can sometimes be inclined to compromise and this ends up not serving me or the other person. It feels as though when we support ourselves, and respect how we feel, we are also supporting others so that the decisions we make have a clarity and a sense of unity.
I love how you present here that it is not about physical perfection, but something that holds and supports you in your rhythm and in life to be you. Now that is the perfect place to live!
Thank you for writing this Cherise as it allows us to look at the topic of housing and a home as much more than four walls and bricks and mortar. In my own life I have seen a number of times that when I have made choices about my housing situation from an empowered standpoint and from the love in my inner-heart, I start to grow in my life, however whenever there is compromise, the opposite occurs. What I understand about housing now, is that it is very much a reflection of how we are living our overall life.
You raise some great points here Cherise and some I am super familiar with having recently moved home myself. So beautiful to feel what is really supportive for us and not fall for the compromise of a less suitable option. The latter I have done many times in the past and settle for the ‘that’ll do’ option. Now with a deeper and ever unfolding connection to our innermost and what is true, it is easier to trust what we feel.
In our family we have shifted from finding a a compromise to working until we find the solution that supports all equally. I have learnt this is not always the one I wanted but it is always the one that is needed for the family to all move forward. We completed our last renovation in this way, there were times where one would push more or dig their heels in, we both had to learn back off and we always both knew when the correct solution emerged – such a different way of working as family unit.
…And if we compromise our truth in one area of life – then where else are we compromising (or not compromising!)
What I love about your blog Cherise which I felt is claiming what you are and what you feel. Since attending Universal Medicine and building my self-worth again to, and just knowing how awesome I am, and not just saying that and “being positive”, but a knowing within me is innate and capable of anything I so commit to. I am amazing and I deserve what it is that I require to live and support me in this amazingness ALL THE TIME.
Thank you Cherise to confirm the process of discarding what is not real and true, and it takes commitment and love for yourself to have only what truly supports you in your evolution.
Beautiful Cherise, with some minor trial and error I am learning too that indeed compromising even in the most little details does not work. I love feeling how you and your friend took such a deep care of finding a home that suited you both. I am inspired to take all of this with me when I am going to look for my next home.
This is a great confirmation for me at the moment- I am looking for a new home with someone together, and we are actually deciding from this place you are describing- thank you for this confirmation!
Hi Cherise – we need to change the saying of “home is where the heart is” to “Inner heart is where the true home is”!! (a new plaque for your home) I am also in the process of moving house and went through the same process of knowing that we could not compromise on what would truly support us – feels like a very loving step to make and a knowing that we are worth it.
what a great reflection Cherise and indeed a great question, where in our life do we compromise? I am taking some time to feel into this inspiring question and look at the pockets in life where i do not stay fully with what i feel.
Awesome Cherise. I love what you have shared in that not compromising doesn’t come from seeking perfection, but rather it comes from a feeling in the body.
Great sharing Cherise, it is so very much true how we push for the “right” thing instead of feeling what is true. When we changed house it was even the feeling for the moment when to look and there it was the perfect home for us and we didn’t even visited any other house, it was just there for us. It feels so great when all is in a flow and no effort is needed, just time and space to connect, no expectations and ideals.
I love what you have expressed here Cherise – trusting what you feel and honouring that without compromise is so worth the investment!
Finding that new home is like searching for the right space to house all of you. The compromise we make is often all to clear after a day or two in all circumstances and then we go into manage or ignoring mode.
When we let go of the compromise we allow ourselves to feel what we are worth and deserve and this leads to the wonderful confirmations that happen to put us in the right space to truly support us in our daily life.
Amazing way of choosing a home Cherise. I agree we sometimes place expectations on how we want things to be for us, but that is just trying to control something we cant really control, we can only choose what we know is love and is the energy that we want to be a part of every moment and then accept what that energy brings to us.
Love this Cherise. Simple and profound, wisdom of the ages made real and practical for everyday life – brilliant! Such clarity and a willingness to truly honour oneself can be taken into absolutely every facet of life. Well done, and enjoy your abode!
Amazing blog Cherise. There is no doubt that home is where the heart is. And a home without heart is just a house.
It is very true, that when you trust and honour what feels right for you there can be no room for compromise, no matter whatever you are buying or doing.
How often we compromise in all areas of life, I have especially noticed how often people do it when buying a car. When we take the time to be clear about what is important to us, we can end up buying, or renting, something that we didn’t initially expect. A great subject to write about, compromise often goes unnoticed, then resentment can rear it’s ugly head and we conveniently forget that it was our decision! Which can become a great opportunity to make ourselves or another wrong, and so it goes..
Living a life without compromise sounds like a very warm and tender loving place to be … Just like your new home Cherise. In-joy!
Woao Cherise! Essentially what I am hearing when I read this is, live life from your fullness and it will be filled with abundance and joy. I love how you applied this to finding a new home – an amazing example to follow.
Cherise, I love how you’ve taken a very practical part of life, looking for a home to live in, to learn from, now that is the Livingness in practice.
Cherise, I love the sweetness, wonder and purity in your writing. It is always a joy.
This is such a great topic to share… one that we can all relate so well too. Trusting what we feel, listening and acting on this really does support us to have a deeper connection to our soul and who we truly are.
It’s so true Cherise, so important to trust the feelings our body gives about things. Finding a house is a great example because of the time pressure that is often there moving from one rental to the next it is so tempting to settle for what is nearly good enough. Love the taking nothing but what feels absolutely right approach. It takes trust!
Oh yes! I got a package what I can live/bring to the world and I do not have to accept less.
Cherise what you are sharing her is super important. I know when 3 of us bought a house over 5 years ago if we had listened to what we thought we needed or our ideas about how a house should look we would have never bought the house we now live in that has supported us immensely. We bought it because it felt right even though I particularly hated the Roman style pillars at the entrance to the house and the tiles in the down stairs living area. Of course all this became irrelevant once we moved in. We were going to knock down walls and do all sorts of renovations but fortunately we had a wise friend who suggested we live in it for 6 months and get a feel for what was really needed, needless to say we realized not much at all needed to change as it was perfectly constellated for what we needed.
Compromising is indeed something that we learn and that is regarded as a good quality to have, but as you point out, is it really? or is it just a settling for less because we can’t have it all. To me it feels it is a reducing of what we are, what we can bring and are capable of, when compromising we hide/ignore a part of us that knows differently.
“A loving home is simply a reflection of the quality that is being lived between its four walls”. True, and that is what we feel when we go into a home, the quality that has been lived. Have people been checked out most of the time? Have they been hiding in their bubble? The first time I go into a house I can feel those things, the disregard, the self centeredness, and on the other hand, the clarity, the choice to be open and true, the love.
I am learning not to compromise in my own life and it is making a huge difference. The desire to compromise feels to me like a way to keep the peace rather than to come to a truth together, which feels expansive. In not compromising you have created a great foundation for your new home.
Great blog Cherise, so often in the past I have settled for something less or grabbed the first thing that came along because it will do, so it’s great these days to simply not be in such a rush and make decisions based on love and true feelings.
Beautiful blog Cherise- So inspiring to see how by you not compromising to what you felt was right for you and your family a loving new home was found very easily.
And from a strong foundation of love, by the quality of your daily livingness this was made possible.
A very apt blog at the moment for me to read as my wife & I are in the process of moving home and can relate with everything you have written. And it is a great point that ” saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise” is way to to be in everything we do, not just in buying a house.
Hi Cherise, it’s wonderful how we can use every single thing we do, including finding a new home, to uncover those hidden ideals and beliefs we still carry! Awesome.
Cherise I can so relate to compromising on things that are nearly right, that tick most of the boxes. What I can also feel is the big difference when I go with things that simply feel true – where there is no compromise. Your sharing of moving home is so great especially the part about the dishwasher.
Settling for nothing less than truth Cherise is what you have confirmed for me in this sharing. Everyone will feel this in your home and in you too. Thank you for sharing this with us.
This is great to read Cherise, “what we were able to expose for ourselves in our house hunting was just how comfortable the pictures really are of where we think we should be and what we think we think things should look like”, I can feel that I do this, go along with the familiar, but that this can be really limiting and not evolving, as we are going along with what we know already, rather than what will truly support us.
Wow – so relatable! I have definitely lived a whole life of comprising myself, and what I feel is true for everything and everyone around me. I can honestly say this ‘sacrifice’ has never worked, slowly learning to not compromise or give up on what I know is true, and not turn my back on the love I can feel inside me is incredibly empowering and freeing, and I find myself being more true to myself all the time.
Without being in our fullness, or at least being connected to our inner heart, all our choices and expressions (potentially) will be a compromise, as the choices we then make will come from a lack of richness/worth/appreciation, reflected back to us by the consequences thereafter. So not only honouring what we feel, but also discerning the quality and integrity we are in when we feel, is crucial for knowing what is true and not just suiting the mood or need at the time when we make a choice.
Wow, I felt to add that the feeling in our innermost is so essential and so true to our own development, and it is always in our favour to listen and honour it. (:
I agree, Ben, and this applies to all areas of our life. I have felt this when out shopping. I go into the energy of need and end up buying something that is not quite right, but is the best one I could find. Usually a disaster! Cherise, what you have written is inspiring.
I so relate to your comment Doug. I still find myself sometimes compromising in situations and when I do, what usually happens is I lose my connection with myself and create unnecessary complications. How great to bring this back once more to what Cherise shared “I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart”.
I relate to this as well Jane, when I compromise I feel instantly drained, tired and no longer have clarity. I find this especially when I talk too much, more than I really feel to or say yes to something that doesn’t feel right for me.
Yes, not setting for anything less. Thank you Cherise for your post that shows ones more that Love should be in the first place in any choice we make.
Beautiful sharing Cherise, and it is indeed about a life without compromise. The blog in relation to myself buying houses is a true healing. I have been more about practical and the look instead of simply feeling what was really needed. This has lead to a lot of complications. And just realising this feels very healing.
Such a beautiful blog Cherise. No more making do. Having moved a while ago there are still things that need to be sorted, which I have put on the back burner as there are so many other things to be attended to. Making time, making the space. No more compromise. “I know that my true home resides in my inner heart”. Gorgeous.
I sat a while with your last sentence “I know a love and joy that won’t settle for anything less” Beautiful Cherise thank you.
Yes why do we settle for less and compromise with our choices? So many times I have done this in the past, old patterns are comfortable and have a habit of returning. I can so relate to what you have expressed here Cherise thank you. So many pointers of how easy it is to go with the flow and not truly feel express from the inner heart. Compromise always leaves me feeling like I’ve told a lie/untruth – which is exactly what I have done – not expressed my truth and settled for much less.
Great blog, Cherise. Thank you. “Nothing needed to be physically perfect but that saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise” – this is awesome, something that I am also learning as well.
Thank you Cherise for this great insight into something we all do that as you have pointed out can entrap and limit us in our ideals or offer us a support that enables evolution and growth and we are always shown the way through our divinity.
A lovely blog to read on Easter Sunday Cherise, how our true home is within our inner heart, and when we listen to it and follow its impulse, our choices will also reflect love. Enjoy your nurturing, supportive new home.
I loved reading this blog Cherise, especially as my husband and I recently moved into a new home this year and found the process very revealing. We looked at many houses and some would have worked, but there was always one thing which would put me off, until that is I found the house I now live in. We both knew instantly and the one thing that stood out for me that wasn’t there with the others, was the quality.
Making compromises in life just limits us in everything to do, so why do we do it? Do we have long held beliefs that we are not worthy of having the best, or somehow don’t deserve it. We limit our potential and those around us by making compromises and settling for less. By honouring our true feelings and going with that, allows the Universe to open up and present us with what is true for us, and the only limit we put on ourselves comes from our own mind. Congratulations Cherise, on your lovely blog and may you have many years (or however many years you choose!) of joy in your new home.
Thank you Cherise for sharing your quest.
I like this: “What we found in our new home was that nothing needed to be physically perfect but that saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise”.
It reminds me that by walking with Love and Truth it gives me the opportunity to know from inside what really felts right for me and that clarity will arise so I will know where the perfect place to leave is.
Beautiful Cherise, not settling for anything less. Which has nothing to do with luxury, buying expensive things or necessarily buying a big house, but it is the quality you are in and the amount of self worth you express and love you have for yourself, which you bring into everything you do or buy, in this case, a new home.
I love it Cherise and fully agree that” “saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise”. It is so easy to compromise or settle for less rather than allowing for something that will truly support you to come to you. A great reflection – thank you for sharing.
“I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart”
Cherise this is truly a beautiful blog one I’m sure I will be reading again and again, I could feel so much while reading it.
“And we bring that love that we have in our hearts to EVERYTHING.”
Beautifully said Cherise. Your article reminds me of the saying “Home is where the heart is”. With the inspiration of Serge Benhayon this can be more accurately said “Home is in the inner-heart”.
Thank you Cherise and Mary, I agree home is definitely where the inner-heart is! Inspired by Serge Benhayon and The Way of The Livingness, feeling the joy of the inner-heart is a building of love that cannot be denied!
Dear Cherise,
An absolute delight to read. How so very supportive to choose a home because it feels right, and not because it ticks the boxes. I so love the realness of doing this, to live our lives based on our love and not compromising on this in any way.
Cherise I am super inspired your trusting your feelings about what home was right for you. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I agree, Cherise. There is the odd million or two advantages when being connected. One of them is finding a nice place to live. 🙂
Beautiful Christoph – so true.
Ha ha Christoph that is funny, yes millions of things that are more wonderful when connected!
So true Christoph one of the many advantages. The list is endless 🙂
Wow, brilliant Cherise. How often do we do this: compromise when no compromise is needed, when we truly feel and listen to our hearts without any judgement or criticism.
Great blog Cherise Holt, addressing the fact that we tend to compromise on our feelings instead of honouring them as being our one and only true guide in life. I can say that for the house we currently live in with our family, that we have bought it at that time knowing we made some compromises. Some of these have been over time solved because we have made the modifications that do support us in a better way, but still after 12 years we live with the compromises we allowed at the time of the purchase. If we look honestly into this, we live actually for 12 years in a house that does not fully support us, actually we are allowing a constant abuse into our lives by not honouring our feelings or knowing about what we truly need as a home for our family.
Beautiful blog, Cherise. I have also experienced what you have described about finding a new home by feeling first, rather than what looked good on paper or what ticked the boxes of what we thought would work for us. What has been revealed in our experience is that making the choice from the heart has allowed us to expand in a way that we were not aware of when we moved in. Our house has supported us far more than what we could have ever imagined.
Beautiful Cherise, not compromising or settling for anything less is loving and honouring to ourselves and everyone we live with. Before finding the home that my family and I are living in now, a friend asked me ‘name all the things your house needs for your family’ and it was the most loving and claiming thing to do, because I went through every part of a house and what we needed without compromise, even down to the size of the kitchen, a bathtub etc etc. And we looked until we found it. I can see how supportive taking this into every part of our lives would be.
That feels so beautiful Cherise, I love the no compromise. How often can we compromise even on supposedly little things, thinking “it wont matter this time” and then finding that very thing we compromised on coming back to bite us.
The wonderful purpose and commitment and love you held yourselves in when choosing your home will be felt by the many who enter its doors. What a blessing for all.
Cherise, as I read your blog I thought about the many times I’ve uttered, or I’ve heard someone else say ‘that’ll do’ — be it with something we wear, a lunch option and even in the look for a new home. We seem to think it’s OK, even normal to settle for less than what we truly need and indeed deserve, and as you say, it all comes down to how we feel about ourselves and how much worth we have for ourselves. When we start to honour and cherish our loveliness within, then we stop saying ‘that’ll do’, instead, we start to really consider what is going to support us in terms of our outer surroundings most, so that we deepen more and more into the gorgeousness we have rediscovered within us.
Beautifully said Katerina, ‘that’ll do’ is an open invitation for doubts, compromise, unsuitability and unclarity to enter the home.
Cherise, you turn house hunting on its head with your blog about bringing the home that is within us all out into all areas of life, including our physical homes – choosing where to live based not on the boxes it ticks but on how it feels – how it sits with our loveliness.
Well said Cherise and Adrienne. Your technique in house hunting has brought a deeper understanding of the saying “home is where the heart is”. You have combined the heart and home together with no comprise. An inspiring blog. Thank you.
This has brought so much more understanding of the saying ‘Home is where the heart is’ to me as well. When travelling, I refer to where I’m sleeping each night as home. These words come so easily to me and I now more fully understand and see why home is wherever I am and not any particular place on earth. Love it!
Gorgeously said Adrienne
Adrienne, I love the way in which you have re-presented what Cherise has presented.
It has allowed me to feel more fully and deeply what has been shared for us all.
Thank you Cherise for sharing how important it is for you to choose a home that doesn’t compromise your self, your friend or your living way. I can see that our home is another aspect of the opportunity to choose more self loving ways in all aspects of life.
Great points here Cherise, compromise is often viewed as a ‘good thing’, a fair and reasonable way to be. To be uncompromising can be seen as inflexible, but is it truly? If I compromise what I know is true I am selling out, only ever bringing part of me to a situation and it always ends up feeling incomplete as I haven’t bought the fullness of me to it. I love the analogy, ‘home without compromise’.
How beautifully expressed Cherise, that knowing that resides deep within our heart, when felt, is all we ever need to guide us in our choices that naturally brings harmony into our lives.
What an amazing thing to live and feel. The absolute purity of finding that exact place where all factors are there for you in true harmony. When we ‘feel’ it is truly right than it is for sure truly right in all its harmonious ways. The trick is to know when you ‘think’ you are feeling and when you are truly feeling, the expression having to come from our bodies as apposed to our mind. I for one have certainly been tricked many times with my choices coming from my head.
I have been tricked by this too Natasha – making choices from my head or my mind, and then ‘thinking’ from my head that it was the right choice and / or at least trying to justify it! What I have learnt is that in actual fact when choices are made from the body, these are the choices that truly feel right and that do not need justification, excuse or otherwise. It’s a work in progress but the more I become aware of my body, the more I’m also able to be aware of whether or not I have confirmation from my body in relation to my choices. In other words, as long as I’m connected to my body, it will either confirm that the choice I made is the right one for me or whether it did in fact come from my head…
Great insight here Cherise. It is easy in such a situation to be swept along by external pressures, images we hold (also from the outside) and where we should be. I have learnt like you, that if don’t compromise with any of this I recognise what has been constellated for me by the way it feels. Often I have been amazed by the exactness of what shows up for me, like a house that supports my needs and my development well, perfectly. Why should this be a surprise when we are being constantly held in the arms of God, should we just take a moment to open to being aware and appreciative of it?
I totally agree with Cherise about a new home having to feel right. I’ve only moved a couple of times,the first for a family home where we looked at lots, and some of them fitted what we wanted, but only one felt like we could live there. The second was just for me, and the first one I looked at ‘grabbed me by the throat’, its old, too big, not very practical and there have been many challenges living here, but I felt from the start that here was a journey of self discovery,here I could evolve, here I could find me. I have, and still am. Those moments when I got scared of what I had taken on, I stopped and reconnected to being ‘held in the arms of God’ and knew He was always there for me supporting and giving strength. And the next time I move, He will be there with me, holding my hand guiding me to feel my new direction.
Josephine, I too have felt the ‘exactness’ and precision you speak of in connection with and allowing of the deep holding and magic of God’s love. Thank you for so lightly and openly sharing the beauty of this – it is very gorgeous to feel.
Yes Susan and there’s no possibility of a shred of doubt because it feels complete in itself and yet connected to the whole.
Beautifully put Josephine, as it was by Cherise before you. Thank you both for expanding our understanding.
I would say a big YES Josephine, appreciative of the fact we are always held in love and also appreciative of ourselves and what we have constellated.
Such a gorgeous blog Cherise. Enjoy your new home, you are worth every bit of it.
It’s amazing how just trusting our feelings allows no room for compromise. We do know deep with in us what is true and loving for us.
How gorgeous for any family or friends who visit your new home with you and your friends loving rhythms living within the four walls.