When I was younger, one of the first things I learned was that when I play out my strong side I get adored for what I can do and I then have control. My talents helped me to win praise and I could easily get recognition, which then gave me the feeling of being someone special and worthy of being loved. But this false type of ‘love’ was always combined with a doing, so for my whole life I thought that I had to do things, to be special or produce good results to be loved.
In what I did and what I brought I was pretty confident and sure, but if I walked next to someone who seemed important to me, I always felt myself to be less (as a person). A sentence would come up in my mind that: “I am a bad person in life.” I could easily look up to people who impressed me and truly adore them, but adoration and love for myself were foreign words.
To compensate for this awful feeling, I would put myself above others really easily in situations, using my skills or talents to do so. My success always assisted me with this opposite mechanism – I felt strong in this, but it kept me away from true connection with other people.
If you are the best, no one can touch you. You are on this pedestal of security, which is indeed not a safe place at all and is actually a very lonely place. When you are in that place, it has the effect that no one asks you to be more – because you are IT already in the way the world sees it.
With my current awareness I now know that I never really opened up to other people, although on the outside I seemed very open and communicative and wanting to connect with others. But it could not have been real connection, otherwise, I wouldn’t have felt so lonely inside in the silent moments where nothing was there to be done – moments where I wasn’t needed or where I was not showing others how good I am in any activities, all in my quest to prove I was worthy of being loved.
I was always searching in life, because I felt this couldn’t be it.
- It can’t be that I have to have the outside to recognise me so I could feel happy and feel me.
- It can’t be that I can’t really surrender with other people around me, so that I was relieved when they left me after a date.
- It can’t be that life is only about becoming more successful and liked and adored for that.
- It can’t be that I oscillate only between feeling better than anyone or lesser, without any equality.
- It can’t be that being with people means being racy, excited or annoyed.
- It can’t be that only the outside can give me the freedom that I think I need from it.
Seven years ago I met Serge Benhayon and, although my defences and clever coping strategies did not disappear instantly, he presented to me a different way, which I could choose to be, or not.
I chose this way.
After all these years I now have an awareness I could have never imagined and this awareness helps me to observe myself and get out of these separating, relationship destroying patterns.
I recently realised how easy I am around people now because I am more me and I am taking the space which I need. I have stopped playing different versions of me with different people. It is beautiful to see how people react when they see me being open and vulnerable – it helps me to trust, that being ME is enough.
I have not mastered that and there is still a way to go deeper – but the built love I feel now in my life for people is absolutely amazing compared to a couple of years ago. It doesn’t matter how far you have come, what matters is the decision to be aware and be honest with yourself and to say yes to a change. There is so much love inside me that wants to get out, holding it back does actually hurt more now than to release and express it towards others.
I started to open up towards people because I opened up to myself and built the love for, and inside, me.
The more I become my true self and live that with other people, the more I receive freedom in myself. This is the most amazing feeling I´ve ever felt and was looking for my whole life – not being dependent on anything on the outside and needing no proof to feel good inside. These moments are gold for me and I look forward to more.
There will never be an end point of love and I appreciate where I am at now, looking forward to more deepening.
Words can´t even describe how grateful I am – I thank deeply from my heart Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and all of his family who reflect to me the truth and the love within that I was always looking for.
And I also thank myself equally because I hopped on this journey, which is not secure and gives me no attention or anything from the outside, but brings me back to my true silky-satiny SELF.
By Steffi Henn, Photographer, Cologne
Further reading:
I Am Amazing Just For Being Me
Steffi it’s amazing how we pretzel ourselves around life, hoping that we will be accepted and all along, it hurts or harms us in some ways. The whole activity of doing or being something we are not is exhausting and some of us reach a breaking point knowing that this isn’t it either.
I too was presented a different way to live and over the years, I’ve let go of the excess baggage that didn’t belong to me and my body.
Like life not remaining stagnant, our bodies are the same too, we evolve with it too. But the one thing that remains with us to the rest of our living days, is the love that is inside of us. It will always be there, even in our next lives, till one morning we wake up and live from there. Life is very much different when we do.
“be aware and be honest with yourself and to say yes to a change.” Recently I’ve become more aware of how if I avoid people I do not grow or move, I stay stuck, comfortable and unchallenged. Life is suffocating like this and I am focusing on being more open to others.
Leigh sometimes I find the people I avoid the most are the ones offering the biggest growth. Or alternatively we stay with the people that keeps us comfortable and stuck. I know which I prefer now, and the growth certainly happens if we are also open, willing and able to make that choice. Keeping it simple makes a big difference too.
From young we are educated to look outside ourselves in order to be loved or recognised. We have based our society on It’s more important what you do, rather than who you are. In this way we are kept less than. So we have for some odd reason developed a society where we are all less than the grandness we actually are and come from. This makes no sense to me at all and I wonder why we have reduced ourselves to this way of living.
When we are loved for what we do rather than who we are, it is a way to negate who we truly are and the divinity that we bring.
Steffi – in this sentence or two you have revealed how our society is set up and how people are set up to live, despite the destruction to self and others: “If you are the best, no one can touch you. You are on this pedestal of security, which is indeed not a safe place at all and is actually a very lonely place. When you are in that place, it has the effect that no one asks you to be more – because you are IT already in the way the world sees it.” It is amazing to feel how you have let go of this and now live in a way that holds true love, care, respect and deep appreciation for self and others and who we all are.
How society is set up is very destructive of self, and others, so amazing that the protection and superiority are being replaced with love and equal-ness.
“Not being dependent on anything on the outside and needing no proof to feel good inside” – I love that freedom too.
“There is so much love inside me that wants to get out,” The Way of The Livingness presents a way to be all the love we naturally are.
To live this love, and allow it to naturally emanate out; a very beautiful way to be and to live.
I am so pleased with myself that I made a decision to go to London to a workshop being held by Serge Benhayon, I wasn’t all that keen to go because at the time it took a lot of organising. 12 years later I have opened up to myself and in that process it naturally followed that I could open up to everyone I met.
Reconnecting to the love we all have within us is the first step to reconnecting to everyone because we all the same in essence.
From a very early age we are introduced to competitiveness and comparison, and then we may feel that the only way to receive recognition (a poor substitute for love but that’s what’s on offer) is to fight our way to the top. The problem is when we get there it is only temporary as the adulation wears off as we all move on to the next achievement. It’s a very insecure place for any child or adult.
Well expressed Melinda, recognition is a very poor substitute for true love that we all deserve and which comes with no expectations or demands.
‘You are on this pedestal of security, which is indeed not a safe place at all and is actually a very lonely place.’ Imagine how many truly lonely people there are by this choice to protect themselves by making themselves being `IT.
Success is definitely not the answer to true happiness and well-being, love is.
These days I’m realizing how I’ve labeled and judged people in the past and how I’ve separated of them simply because they behave or think differently. That it’s a clear reflection of how I’ve judged myself based on my beliefs about what I should or shouldn’t be. It’s beeing a very freeing experience to come back to feel my loveliness inside because the joy that I’m experiencing has no rules, borders or forms. It’s just is and I’m very content of being able to share it with people from differents paths of life and choices. I appreciate Serge Benhayon and his family too because they are an example of openess and no judgment to anyone, showing us that it’s very possible living together harmoniously, no matter how different we may seem on the outside.
Beautiful Steffi, love reading such a revealing experience of returning to your ‘true silky-satiny SELF’ 🙂 This makes me smile and connect with the love inside me. Thank you
It’s becoming more apparent to me that there are two ways to live. Needing stuff/people/attention/recognition etc. from the outside in to bring us everything we need. Or, connecting to what is within us and then going outward to do what is required, already full (in the sense of settlement, contentment etc.) and not needing of anything or something from another to feel complete. We are complete and then share that with others. These two ways of living are becoming much more obvious.
Having a deep love of self, knowing we are amazing just for being who we innately are is beautiful, instead of constantly seeking approval and recognition from outside ourselves, ‘not being dependent on anything on the outside and needing no proof to feel good inside. These moments are gold for me and I look forward to more.’
What a fabulous insight into what it is like to play the game of being at the ‘top’ through being good at what you do. It just shows that even what looks like ‘it’ to an onlooker, still leaves us on the same empty path. Being valued for what you do while the being is ignored is crushing to the person we actually are and were as kids.
The more we allow ourselves to be open and vulnerable and live who we are the more we not only trust but know that ‘being ME’ is enough.
I agree with your gold moments, when we are completely settled and content in being who we are and we don’t need anyone or anything from outside of us – those moments are total gold.
Our strong(est) side cannot be one we use for control. To say that is just a reflection of the image we have of our strong side and the fact that actually we are not truly in touch with it. Our strong side has, is and will always be our divine one.
This is a tremendous part of our relationships to expose: that when you are perceived as ‘doing really well’ you can also be thought of as ‘beyond needing to be be asked to go deeper’ in your relationship with your self and with others. And as this actually creates a lonely place, it shows to me that innately we do all actually want to be supported to be more of ourselves, and to learn just how deep with that we can go.
Not needing anything from outside to know and be confident in that we are love is very liberating.
To be ourselves, our ‘true silky satiny’ selves, that is something that is there for all of us, and something to deeply cherish in each of us always.
This is very beautiful Steffi. Simply being who we are is the greatest gift we can give the world.
“There will never be an end point of love …” This is beautiful to read, as it confirms how opening up with other people is like diving deep into the potential of what Love is… That there is more and more to discover.
Love keeps growing and deepening, ‘There will never be an end point of love and I appreciate where I am at now, looking forward to more deepening.’
It does hurt far more to be aloof and rely only on my own actions, not accepting support or adoration from others because they feel to and not because I have done anything amazing or special
“And I also thank myself equally because I hopped on this journey, which is not secure and gives me no attention or anything from the outside, but brings me back to my true silky-satiny SELF.” Beautifully said Steffi, as if we are not able to deeply appreciate ourselves and the choices we have made to significantly change how we are in life, then true and lasting change is not possible.
When we play small and keep people out we miss out on the beautiful and true connections that are constantly offered to us.
‘There will never be an end point of love and I appreciate where I am at now, looking forward to more deepening.’ A beautiful and powerful reminder Steffi of the enormous love available to everyone equally, to not limit our love ever as it continuously expands and deepens.
‘If you are the best, no one can touch you. You are on this pedestal of security, which is indeed not a safe place at all and is actually a very lonely place’. Beautifully said Steffi.
The more I am living the true me the more at ease I too feel around people, knowing I am ok just as i am and being open for more learning and discovery of the more that I can be. ” it helps me to trust, that being ME is enough.”A gorgeous sharing Steffi thank you.
“The more I become my true self and live that with other people, the more I receive freedom in myself.” A beautiful appreciation of all that you naturally are.
It is fascinating how talents can be used to reduce life to situations where you have the upper hand; the upper hand in a utterly reduced version of life. A peculiar kingdom to be the king/queen of particularly given where we come from.
Yes. Talent alone is empty and meaningless when it’s love we truly want.
Reading this today I have an understanding of how much I can appreciate and how in fact I don’t always do so, that in fact I’ve taken so many steps to more clearly be aware of how I am, to open up to people and that even when it’s difficult I do not walk away, yes there is no perfection and I often feel hurt and act from it, but I’m noticing that and aware that, this is not how I want to be or how I can be, and the fact that this is possible is huge. So a great reminder today Steffi thank you.
I am in the process of being less of a lone rider and loving it too. The first step has begun with realising that I was a lone rider, whereas I never wanted to see and admit this separation and distance from people that I was choosing.
I felt as though I was reading about myself there Steffi. Being the best not only gives us the feeling that we deserve love but that as you say ‘no one can touch you’ and this is a fortified, lonely place indeed. Doing things that prove that we are lovable has been and continues to be love for many of us. No wonder making self-loving choices can be a challenge especially at first, because how does that fit with the ‘proving ourselves lovable’ model. Being ourselves and expressing all that love, starts with these self-loving choices.
We chase what we think we want on the outside only to find that even when we get it the emptiness within remains. Giving ourselves permission to express our true qualities, irrespective of what is going on around us, is the key…
It amazing to see, read and feel that, “The more I become my true self and live that with other people, the more I receive freedom in myself.” It goes against everything that is currently considered the world and yet it’s the true freedom we are all looking for. It’s amazing to see how when we shut off or shut down to what we feel it creates a world that we don’t like to be in and yet we stay there, a self imposed exile that we think is made by someone else. It’s great to see people stepping out like this and writing about it so we can all follow in those same steps.
‘There is so much love inside me that wants to get out, holding it back does actually hurt more now than to release and express it towards others’. This is a beautiful turnaround and something I can relate to as well. Love cannot be kept to ourselves hence we must share it otherwise it will no longer be love…
‘I recently realised how easy I am around people now because I am more me and I am taking the space which I need. I have stopped playing different versions of me with different people.’ Beautiful Steffi, I too love this development and the ease and grace that my body moves in as I let people in so much more.
It’s such a gift to read this blog and be reminded that we are on a journey, and there’s no perfection or end point in love, just an ever unfolding of us and all others in our lived and expressed love. ‘how easy I am around people now because I am more me and I am taking the space which I need’ … I smiled reading this and felt a deep letting go in my body, it’s that simple taking time to be ourselves and then we offer that naturally to others.
Opening up to people starts with self first, building a love and truthful relationship with our self, this then starts to include other people.
Saying yes to more awareness in our lives is the key to move forth in our evolution and to unlock the wisdom of the universe within ourselves.
This plays out in different ways for different people, but many think they have to do things to be loved, instead of just allowing ourselves to be ourselves in full, ‘for my whole life I thought that I had to do things, to be special or produce good results to be loved.’
Beautiful Steffi, to come back to you, to share you openly as you are, and that it’s not about the skills – this is inspiring and in fact what we’re here for to live us.
‘ I have stopped playing different versions of me with different people.’ I can relate to this sentence Steffi. I have so much more energy now that my only role is being me.
Reading this article has taken me to a moment in my childhood where I questioned ‘the way a particular part of life was’ because it felt wrong, unequal and very one sided. But I was shouted down by those who I was with as they ‘knew’ this falsity to be how it is done, and that it could not be challenged. I do wonder, if in that moment I had received instead support for what I felt, if I would have adjusted ever so slightly my honouring and understanding of self.
Steffi I have come across your blog again and this time so many different things were highlighted for me! I can see that one of the roles I chose as a young person was to be “the strong one” and that meant never showing how I felt or that I needed support, just taking care of others and hiding behind this false strength. Now I am learning to be more open, more vulnerable, and more transparent with others by sharing how I feel…. just baby steps but I’m opening up.
Thank you Steffi, your words about choosing to be open and vulnerable instead of in a false sense of being strong and capable really touched me. From an early age we get recognised for what we do and good behaviour, for pleasing others, but not for being ourselves. Making that journey back to being me still has a lot of challenges, I can see how being open and vulnerable continues to be something for me to work on, and to let go of comfortable roles to simply be how I am in any given moment.
Protection can come in many colours and this is a clever example of a how protection has been used. Protection always comes with the colour of separation.
Very true Steffi there is no end to experiencing love, to know it is a forever deepening process with no end point – what a beautiful and joyful choice to live this everyday.
There is a huge humbleness when we see everyone as being equal.
I agree making yourself more or better than another is a very lonely road to take. It is a way of self defence but it does take away what we enjoy most in life: being connected with others and feeling an equality between each other.
I really appreciate the honesty in which you write. It allowed me to be very honest with myself and see how I have lived and am living now. When you wrote – “it can’t be that I oscillate only between feeling better than anyone or lesser, without any equality” – I was so with you. I used to oscilate between putting myself better or less than others, and gosh it was exhausting. Like you I am letting go of these patterns and learning to live in the knowing that we are all equal and it is one most divine but at times challenging, thing to do.
Gorgeous Steffi, what a true resemble of you choosing your way and the claim you made to look inside yourself and give and live from that love you know you have inside.. Even though you were so use to living on the attention from the outside. I had the exact same thing and now walking my way out of the emptiness I had created by being not truly connected to myself.. And since this choice, and every choice thereafter I feel so much more joy, sweetness, power and absolute truth within me.. So it was worth giving. Thank you Serge Benhayon and all who walked before me, to show me the truth. The truth of why we need to live life.
This blog is full of the most gorgeous appreciation for yourself and for Serge Benhayon. Your experiences are very similar to my own and I love the matter of fact way you express. Thank you Steffi.
‘I started to open up towards people because I opened up to myself and built the love for, and inside, me.’ When we are looking for love outside of ourselves, we are missing the deep connection we have available to ourselves, and when we connect to people from our own connection first, we drop all the expectation and we enjoy the shared moments that there are to appreciate in full.
The awareness and truly deep appreciation that I have from the presentations from Serge Benhayon so that I am learning to love from the inside out brings such joy to my life and like you Steffi, words cannot describe how great-full I am.
The better than, less than roundabout is one that interferes with many people’s ability to be themselves and to fully meet and adore others. I know it was this way for me. Now having felt the beauty and grace of adoration for self and others any time the better than, less than rises it is felt for the disharmony it is, because of the foundation of adoration that I am now choosing to live with.
That is beautiful Leigh, a “foundation of adoration” – love it!
It’s amazing how so many people actually feel insecure and think that they have to become something/someone to be feel worthy and recognized in life – it makes perfect sense because the world as it currently is is the result of us walking away from who we truly are, therefore would never ask us to be who we truly are.
So many people go through there life without ever coming to the awarenesses that you have and having been able to open up to and connect to themselves and as a result others more deeply. This is a beautiful evolution to develop and embrace… and one that we would all benefit from choosing.
“There is so much love inside me that wants to get out, holding it back does actually hurt more now than to release and express it towards others.” This is so true Steffi, holding myself in protection so that I didn’t get hurt was like a double edged sword. The hardening to protect myself was hurting me, and so was the fact that I was not letting the love out that was crying out to be expressed. This is now all changing as I begin to let go of these very old and very crippling behaviours, my body feels so much more open, lighter and freer and the protection is no longer controlling my life .
The ‘pedestal of security…is indeed not a safe place at all and is actually a very lonely place’ but yet so many of us have been tricked to believe it is. Well said Steffi.
Yes I agree Suse, we get knocked from our pedestals very easily and then our confidence is shattered. Its a precarious place to put ourselves and/or others. Having a true foundation that comes from a solid relationship with ourselves means our confidence comes from within and not from what we do.
If we start to understand that in life everything is energy and that everything is because of energy we also know that what we share with the world also will return to us by reflection. Therefore we can only change ourselves if we are not happy in life and with that not only make the world a better place for ourselves to live but also for everybody that we share this life with.
“….so for my whole life I thought that I had to do things, to be special or produce good results to be loved.” True for so many of us – and the education system perpetuates it big time. We can never ‘do’ enough to fill the void and can end up worn-out and exhausted. Universal Medicine has enabled me to change my life around and focus on the ‘be-ing’, the quality of my actions, before the ‘do-ing’.
It is so true Steffi, and I imagine it is for many of us also, that we grow up learning that attention and praise is ‘love’, and this comes from all the things we do. We learn that we acquire this ‘love’ from what we do, and from another, and so we learn to doubt that who we are is already enough. I have come realise just how much of our world is set up to identify, recognise and validate who we are by our doing or what we obtain. Yet even with all the things we do or acquire, we are left with a feeling of emptiness as what we are truly seeking to be who we are and live the love we already are within.
The aspect of putting others on pedestals is HUGE! Especially as 99.9% of times they have just as many, if not more, issues than you do. Once we begin to read energy and the movements of the body all becomes clear, and no one is greater than another.
I can recognise everything you have listed here as my own, and how that used to make me feel even less worthy of love. I used to think that there was something fundamentally, seriously wrong with me and I had to be fixed – with Universal Medicine I not only discovered that that was not true, but also it was the biggest alibi I used in order to not live who I truly was.
“I started to open up towards people because I opened up to myself” – I’m living this at the moment and it is absolutely magical
I love that you thanked yourself Steffi. that’s the most important part – appreciating all that you have said yes to…because without you, we would all be missing something.
Ah Steffi, how this world would be missing out if you carried on that journey of self-recognition and acceptance!
What I get from your blog is that when we feel “safe’ and ‘secure’ we don’t actually enjoy ourselves. Rather being ‘open’ and ‘vulnerable’ is although a little scary is where the real grand joy happens.
‘I have stopped playing different versions of me with different people.’ Life is so much simpler when we choose to do this although I can still get caught out falling back into old patterns but it feels so uncomfortable now that I don’t choose to stay there long!
The more aware we become, the more we feel – and when we’re not being ourselves, or going back into old patterns, it starts to feel more and more uncomfortable.
Yes, life is so much simpler when we are not keeping up appearances and also various characters/versions of ourselves. Taking the one complete person to everything is like the holiday everyone wishes for, only it’s no holiday, it’s life : the simple version.
Thank you for sharing your journey from the loneliness of separation to opening up to allow others to see and know the real you which I can really relate to. It is so lovely to feel your appreciation and gratitude for the choices you are now making.
“I thought that I had to do things, to be special or produce good results to be loved.” This was my reality as well. All that ‘doing’ without realising that this keeps people away. It also keeps us away from feeling our own natural innate beauty.
I could have been reading about myself! It’s beautiful to feel this and appreciate how far I have come too.
It’s so true Steffi, holding back our love for others does actually hurt not only ourselves but all others equally.
Thank you for sharing Steffi. Keeping people out is the last thing I want to do but thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I’m gaining more understanding of myself and how and why it is that I do this.
Steffi, this is just so beautiful to feel and read. There are so many gems here, reading that it’s about ‘needing no proof to feel good inside’ that it’s just about feeling ourselves and that is enough, nothing further needed. And I love your appreciation of yourself in acknowledging that you choose to go on this journey. And it’s a huge support to read this today and understand the choices I’ve made which now allow me to be more myself with others and to stop trying so hard to fit in – now I am more myself in all I do, so a great mirror today to read this blog, thank you.
I love this line Steffi, ‘brings me back to my true silky-satiny SELF.’
I’ve become aware these past few days of changes in my body that don’t feel good, and know that it’s a consequence of losing my connection with self and without this, old patterns surfaced and my body felt heavy. I’m reminded that what matters most is the quality of the relationship I have with myself self and that this is at the heart of everything I do and has nothing to do with how others see me. By dis-connecting to self, I cause harm to self and others.
I’m aware of how courses and workshops often start with an opening ‘group introductions’ session and groups invited to talk about themselves and jobs they do, rarely about who they are. In this way people become primed to communicate superficially. Group introductions offer an opportunity to connect with each other more deeply and could be transformed if different questions were asked, like: ‘Why did you choose to do this course?’ ‘How do you feel?’ ‘What are you bringing to this group?’ What service do you offer to customers and colleagues as part of the job you do’ ‘What do you value most about the job you do? Group facilitators have a responsibility to reflect and lead the quality of communication within groups and to step away from the old, tried and tested models based on identification with roles.
I remember being asked “what are you going to be when you grow up?” I know it’s a way of having a conversation with a little kid however it was asked so much and I never had an answer. I felt it was an important question and I gave it weight. We can bring all of our fears and insecurities, our expectations and values to meet others – All those things we have stacked in front of us to keep people from knowing us, or we can meet another as just ourselves, without expectation or judgement. I admire and value Serge Benhayon so much when I realise that just about everyone who came to listen to him had different versions of not letting others in and he consistently let us all in, year after year with such dedication to showing us how we can be. It is so important for our development to be aware of how we hold people at bay. It is so important to let this go and to step up to coming from our hearts.
“I started to open up towards people because I opened up to myself and built the love for, and inside, me.” Most beautifully said and I love how you point out that you chose this. We have so much power simply by the fact of having a choice in every moment.
Thank you for sharing Steffi. The question that presented as I was reading your story Steffi was “How is it that what is true and natural and soulfully us, get so off center and end up with this isolation and non equality disconnect result?” This has been the same in my life and mirrored within the majority of people I know. If at a role of the dice at least 50% of the people would be getting the soulful way of living, if the rest took a wrong turn and missed the connection train. I think that this world is set up for us to take the wrong turn in life. I am with you Steffi in thanking the Benhayon family and Universal Medicine for the true reflection of what we deviated from. And yes thanks to me for seeing the wrong and commitment to right it.
True silky-satiny self, thats all we have to connect to
Thank you for this blog Steffi, I found myself nodding to many parts while reading. When we relate to each other from an expectation of how we should be with them or how they should be with us theres a tension. That then builds a mistrust because we expect others to be the same way – this already puts up the defences without even allowing the possibility for potential between two people who are new to each other. But when we connect to ourselves as Universal Medicine has presented over the years we get to feel ourselves from the inside first, knowing who I am from the inside and how I feel gives me a marker of the quality I bring to another and holding back what is inside does indeed hurt! we have to move our bodies in a very deliberate way to keep it all inside that is very noticeable on a biomechanical level. I am learning more and more lately that being me with others is very simple and it only requires me to be in connection with my body and the quality in the way it is being moved, all the outside actions my body knows how to do, it’s not like I have to focus on blinking, I just blink. When we focus on the outside task or relationship it’s like the body is put on the back burner and the quality of our movements dips, but bringing the focus to how we are in the movements or relationship changes everything.
This is a beautiful blog Steffi it shows the incredible change it makes to choose for ourself and connecting to the gorgeousness we are and share this with others. It frees us up from being something we are not.
It is so true Steffi, that holding back our love for others does actually hurt in our bodies as the love that we are wants not to be restricted in its expression. The love that resides in us is not something we own but wants to be expressed freely and without any restriction in everything that we do.
‘It can’t be that I oscillate only between feeling better than anyone or lesser, without any equality.’ If we operate like this then we’re constantly measuring, pitting ourselves against others and creating a leaderboard which leaves us feeling either better or lesser. The sad thing about this approach is that we are constantly in judgement – not only of others but also of ourselves.
What a beautiful blog to read and what a great revelation.
There is only love and everything that hasn’t been love, without holding onto any judgement or guilt.
Stopping to appreciate myself is something that I am coming to realise I have completely underestimated and disregarded in my day to day life and this has had both a very corrosive and erosive effect on my sense of self worth. At the moment I am taking baby steps in introducing appreciation into my daily life but nonetheless I have started and am now aware of the importance of it.
Thanks Steffi, magnificent blog. For years I remember comparing myself to others, thinking I didn’t have what everyone else had. At school i used to go and play sports at lunchtime, because that’s what everyone did. It was a big thing to transition from having a playground to then going to an oval. I never liked sports because it was hard on my body and I always ended up getting so angry because I was trying so hard and I just couldn’t do it! It’s so great to bring this honesty back and realise that all along, I was really awesome and very sweet, but life does not make this the focus.
Steffi, thank you for your blog. It was a real healing for me to read as I too have rode on the horse of self-betterment and pride over others, falling for the security but failing to see that the security, the comfort and the pleasures of being the best were all a show, hiding a reality of self loathing, emotional hurt and extreme vulnerability. No matter what we put up on the outside, it is nothing compared to the reality of how we are truly living
I can so relate to seeking recognition for what I do – and for me it was because I could only recognise myself through doing, I had to be in constant motion to know who I thought I was – and ‘connection’ I thought I was building with people in that way was so fickle. Knowing myself in essence really changed my world.
Being me is enough – How awesome is that.
I agree Marion, accepting that we are enough is so totally awesome and is making me wonder why we would ever want to be anything more or anything else.
This is great Steffi, I can feel how the self control is leaving me very lonely sometimes, while I truly love people, and can feel that there is a huge opportunity to grow and know that I can love myself, and through that there is no need to control myself in being with other people. As I don’t truly connect when I choose to be that way. There is a great freedom in having a truly loving relationship with ourselves.
It’s like we choose to be lonely, but in that choice we don’t realise or understand how to change our ways and our patterns and our absolute reactions to things that come up in life for us ~
But all that is truly wanted is connection, support and a deep love
‘The more I become my true self and live that with other people, the more I receive freedom in myself.’ – Beautifully said Steffi and when we live our true selves how this supports others around us to also make this loving choice.
We have a great responsibility in everything we emanate- I absolutely agree. Every minute, every moment…
Steffi thank you. I can relate to seeing my worth in what I do and not who I am, and for me too that is changing as I build more self-care and appreciation in my life. I liked this sentence: ‘It doesn’t matter how far you have come, what matters is the decision to be aware and be honest with yourself and to say yes to a change.’
How often do we have this picture how we have to be or how fast we have to change things or behaviours. To honour every step and be as kind and understanding as we are to others is super important. Otherwise we want to fulfill a picture which has nothing to do with unfolding.
This is a truly powerful blog of healing and a miracle change, the different stable, strong quality change would have been amazing to have seen.
Totally agree.. sometimes when we can suddenly see an old pattern or behaviour that we’ve been holding onto for a very long time, it feels like there’s a rush and an urgency to drop it -and in that, we can react and go in the complete opposite direction, which isn’t being ourselves, or loving, either. Appreciating and totally accepting where we are at right now without needing to get anywhere else or be more of who we are is super important – otherwise we’re on this perpetual chase of trying to better ourselves, and missing all the amazing times that we could be having right now.
Thank you Nicole for sharing your experience, I have found it hard in the past to accept and appreciate complements when given. As I look back now at how far I have come in a few short years, I can feel so much more love for me and life in general. I recently received a package that has shown me where more change is required, I too appreciate this opportunity to discard old ways and claim more of my loving inner heart.
It is an never ending process and I like the lightness in: I recently received a package that has shown me where more change is required…This is taking an opportunity and accepting evolution in seeing it as packages that arrive to move forward by knowing it will never end. Very inspiring.
I have found hiding my true self away from the world did me no favours at all. Now I am beginning to realise how much more fun it is letting my protection down, and enjoy being more open and honest with people. A much more joyful way to live.
Isn´t it amazing to connect to the true purpose why we are here on earth?! Living like this is true satisfaction and joy. When we accept how much we bless the world with our presence we can´t hide – it is impossible.
I am sure you are blessing the world with every little bit more you let out to be seen 🙂
A beautiful blog about celebrating the re-claiming of who you are, free from anything the world may dictate. You feel like you are in a really loving and steady place Steffi, and connected to a knowing within that is holding of the joy and presence you were seeking.
I love this blog Steffi, you introduce that lonely feeling we have inside, which we work so hard to fill, with recognition and acceptance. When everything stops, and we are able to feel that empty space, we find something else to do in order not to have to deal with that feeling, until we stop and accept that living for recognition and acceptance is not a true way to live.
The Stop is the hard bit for most of the people I would guess. Because it confronts them with all their choices they made throughout their life…feeling this is hard in the first moment, but if you have understanding for yourself you can easily let go and just move on and decide differently.
I have embarked on a trip to discover myself, to know, feel and appreciate that I am enough, to bring myself back to life after living in the shadows for so long. Blogs like yours Steffi are a great help. When we open up to the world and life we are rewarded with so much love. And this is just the beginning.
And we get rewarded by you Patricia! Thank you 🙂
Steffi the roles you have played out to avoid connection were so familier to me also and like you since being involved with Universal Medicine I am continuing to deepen my connection with myself and others. I have come to the realisation that the protection mechanisms we have put in place from an early age do not protect us at all.
It is a deep illusion that we can protect us. But this perception is so deep in us, that we think, we are safe, when we harden and shut people out. To live and come to the felt realisation that it is not the way, is an ongoing process for me and will never ever end at some point because I know there is always more to deepen.
“so for my whole life I thought that I had to do things, to be special or produce good results to be loved.” I heard myself say “Oh, yes” as I read this. I was on such a mission to be recognised for what I did that I had no true awareness of who I am. Serge Benhayon has presented a way of being and supported me in melting my barriers of protection to feel who I am and allow others to feel me as well.
Welcome to the club Mary 🙂
I find it interesting that we always have a knowing when something about life doesn’t feel right, we can attempt in a multitude of various ways cover it up, pretend otherwise, or ignore the fact, nonetheless it still remains. That is until it becomes too loud to ignore and the first steps begin to discovering why. The journey back to the love that awaits within begins to reveal how far away we had once been.
Lovely expressed Giselle- nothing to add here ..Thank you!
Gorgeous to reread Steffi, for I have been that lone rider too, keeping people at a distance thinking that would protect me and keep me safe. These days I have a deep desire to connect with others, to be around others, to live in brotherhood, and this comes from living in my body, living more of me, and trusting that I am enough just as I am. A big thankyou to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for all their support in dealing and clearing my childhood hurts.
I love people to be around very much now, allthough I love my ME moments as well, because they are as much important like the WE moments. I could realize that my innate quality is actually with people and that I have to build a relationship with me to be really with me- and not being distracted whilst spending time on my own..
Success is a mask we can choose to hide behind, but it will never let us become visible in our full beauty and wearing this mask constantly will let the feeling of being imprisoned grow. If we decide to lay this mask aside and allow ourselves to be seen with all our beauty and vulnerability, we will realize that in fact there is nothing to hide from, only tons of beauty to be seen and felt. Beauty that we could not really see through the mask we had been wearing.
Beautifully expressed Michael… and so true…
Steffi you have explained so clearly the emptiness that we feel with gaining recognition for something we have achieved, as when we find ourselves alone again after the high moment, we crash. Then we need another accolade or goal to strive for and it feels like being on a treadmill. From Serge Benhayon I have learned to let go of the protective armour, and to allow myself to feel vulnerable, delicate, and to appreciate my growing awareness. I am now loving this deeper connection to myself and others, as when we are open we allow others into our hearts.
Exactly Bernadette, it is a never ending circle with no satisfaction.. There is always more you need to get from the outside, because the last thrill is over. Puh.. very exhausting…I am glad I could step out of this merry go round.
Steffi this is a beautiful sharing and I can relate to so much here. You have exposed the illusion of the so called riches, false gold that we think we will be ours when we are driven to achieve. Whether it be acceptance, recognition or security that we achieve we never get what we are truly seeking as the emptiness we feel still remains. That we are truly seeking is within us all and our love is our endless supply of pure gold within. I love what you say, that – ‘There is so much love inside me that wants to get out, holding it back does actually hurt more now than to release and express it towards others.’ I am still discovering how there is more and more love within me to share and the more I let go and let people in the more I free myself to be who I truly am with all, and appreciate the same in all.
Thats lovely Carola! For me I realized I have to shift the awareness from discovering more love into letting go of all the patterns we use to not let the immense love out which is permanently there.There are moments where the patterns have no power and I let it all out and it feels incredible- everything waiting there to pour out..Accepting this and letting no hurts rule your life that the way of true richness.
Steffi I really like your comment “It doesn’t matter how far you have come, what matters is the decision to be aware and be honest with yourself and to say yes to a change”. Honesty is the beginning of all change if we so choose it.
Yep it is the first and very important baby step… but indeed not small- it is the beginning of a grand unfolding if you choose so..
It’s definitely not a small step at that moment but when you take it you create change and when you look back, that first step no longer feels like a big deal.
Lindellparlour, being honest with ourselves is the best medicine we can give ourselves (and it costs nothing!). What I have found is that when I have been honest about past unloving choices, it has been like a bright light shining on my life and seeing how hard and complicted I made life, thus making it easier to break away from old patterns of behaviours and to choose differently….. this is what has transformed my life.
jacmcfadden04 you make a great point – being honest costs nothing, in fact it can be priceless. Unlike being dishonest with ourselves, that is costly, it steals your energy levels, it takes away your peaceful night sleeps and it costs you in food as you are eating more and eventually you may become ill and it will cost you medically.
It is sometimes incredible how we complicate life with drama. It only affects us further to not connect to us and other people, because we create this issue that feels so “real” in that moment. Totally crazy and a waste of time.;-)
“It doesn’t matter how far you have come, what matters is the decision to be aware and be honest with yourself and to say yes to a change”
I can easily say yes to the change and I am learning to deepen my self-awareness and responsibility.
What I sometimes find a challenge is the articulating of what I feel to be true and the expression of what is happening in my body.
I know this too, often I can´t find words of how I feel and it is hard to actually put it into words.. But that also is something I am growing into. What I realized is if I take enough of a moment and check in with myself it gets easier to put words to my feeling.
“The more I become my true self and live that with other people, the more I receive freedom in myself.”
I agree, the spaciousness that one feels inside when being real with yourself and with other people, is just gorgeous and seems to come from nowhere, it’s wonderful.
I always check in my body and my voice when I am with people. It is a great marker, especially the resonating of my voice, if I am truly surrendered or in tension or protection.
With some people it works better with some not so much yet- it depends on how much they challenge me, or if I have an investment or not towards that person.
A great sharing Steffi. I have often held myself back by not sharing more of myself with others, and this is a very sad and lonely road to take. I am more open and accepting not only of others but mostly myself, having considered others were more than I, in most cases and not giving myself credit for us all being equal.
To accept myself is currently very big for me – to accept worthy to be loved.
Beautiful Steffi, that seems like a very loving change. I can feel the truth in what you write about opening up to people. What I recognize in my life is that I had used my lonely appeal to not be questioned, not be asked to go further and/or change. I had deeply accepted this way of being to protect myself from getting hurt. It is so beautiful to hear someone share the same thing, and that it actually does not have to be like that anymore. Powerful words Steffi.
It is very empowering indeed to speak from absolute truth and vulnerability. Otherwise we will never inspire each other to the level we could. Lovely to read, you can relate to what I shared here.
I can completely relate once again to your blog Steffi as it is a similar journey that I have taken too. On re-reading it today the line that stood out for me was ‘ it can’t be that being with people leaves me racy, excited or annoyed.’ This is such an accurate description of what it feels like when we are unable to completely be ourselves and open up to others. It is almost like we are living in one constant reaction which has no rest or reprieve. An exhausting and lonely way to live. I like the word ‘surrender’ too because it means to me a letting go and a dropping of the constant guardedness and watchfulness that we use to protect ourselves and becoming more genuine and honest with ourselves and others. It is indeed so precious to have discovered this and it is indeed what I have been looking for all along too.
Surrendering is a huge word for me too- I constantly focus on this indeed 🙂
This is a great way of describing the experience of regaining a true expression in life “The more I become my true self and live that with other people, the more I receive freedom in myself” I have this sense of freedom in my life, it feels like I am no longer beholden to my own habits and behaviours and also the constraints that society often attempt to place on us. True expression – True Freedom.
Your following words struck me as I read your blog Steffi;
“If you are the best, no one can touch you. You are on this pedestal of security, which is indeed not a safe place at all and is actually a very lonely place. When you are in that place, it has the effect that no one asks you to be more – because you are IT already in the way the world sees it”
They struck me because I thought what enormous pressure you must have felt living to such expectations.
It is so lovely to read how you transformed your life and how you can now appreciate the transformation you made; very awesome!
Absolutely right, there always needed to come something more, to impress again… How exhausting indeed! I am glad I looked through this neverending fullfillment and live a life that connects to its true purpose.
It is exhausting living this way and false. I have experienced putting myself on a pedastal and being put on a pedestal by others and then in me feeling like I had to keep ‘performing’ to stay there. It is being caught in this loop that then causes anxiousness, hardness and not then being able to let others in as they might realise how much of it and my life is a game. Thank goodness for Serge Benhayon presenting a true way of living so we can all open up to Love again.
Isn´t it crazy that we create these games that we get confirmed not being enough in the end. Because when we don´t present ourselves like we are, how can we get a confirmation that how we are is amazing and nothing is missing..
Was super to re-read this blog today Steffi. And what became clear for me was just how much awareness I do have now in all areas of my life. I have so much more awareness of my body, and how much my body communicates with me now that I am appreciating, respecting and honouring my body. This is the way I choose to live now also, since attending courses by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. There is just no going back to my old way of living: eating to numb myself, keeping people out, not asking for support, and always feeling I did not deserve…..yet having no awareness of how much I was hurting myself! No, these days, I am deeply appreciating myself for how far I have come.
That is so beautiful and important ! To appreciate because we are so good in looking for what we haven´t mastered yet. Things changed immensely and it is great to take stock , even now we are far from any end.
Absolutely true Brendan! When you open up and see and understand better, you can´t have investment in someone “getting it “.
Your blog also exposes how much effort we put into keeping ourselves separate, when in fact what we are actually craving is connection with others, and most of all, connection with ourselves!
Absolutely true- we are the most amazing creative people, when it comes to establish patterns that keeps us away from people and ourselves. How lonely do you have to feel inside, to finally change it and open up to the world?!
Thanks Steffi for your blog. It highlighted for me how isolating and damaging it can be to ourselves to hold back from expressing the enormous love we each have inside us.
It is the biggest hurt we carry inside us… And the one we don´t want to feel at all most of the time…
I can relate to this blog Steffi, as I have spent my whole life wanting to be special and be recognised for my talents and believing others to be so much better off than me because they were gifted. Then a beautiful thing happened the other day, as I looked in the mirror I could feel that I didn’t have to be anything other than myself, and that was enough.
This was probably the most accepting, biggest, grandest, most relaxing and full of love moment you ever had looking into the mirror 🙂 Beautiful !!!
Thank you Steffi, that is absolutely great to hear. I love how you refer to that silky-sanity self, I can so feel what you mean by that. I too have been on the same choice and change. I had been a lonely go’er.. Thinking that I was social and open to people, while deep down I felt lonely and always dependent on people. My mood was depedent on how people were to me. if they liked me i felt great. If they did not see me or did not give me the attention I was hoping for I felt – empty. To then not feel this emptiness, I was trying to be even more entertaining. Putting up a smile, being always nice and considerate to others.. It made me feel exhausted an fake. Since I have met Serge Benhayon and the family and go to the workshop and teachings of the Ageless Wisodom (by Universal Medicine), I have felt that this way of living was just not it. And so I have been found the tools there to make loving changes – and guess what ! I actually love people and am truly open, I just had to re-connect to who I am in order to feel the love I am and have for others. Simply, but a choice I had to make. I now live from the principles of love, not the principles of needs, in the best way I can.
Thank you for your beautiful comment, Danna . The love I discovered I have for people is so immense, that it is sometimes even too much to handle for me. Sounds maybe strange, but to allow and express all the love I feel is the next step. Without any holding back, no matter if the other person can handle it or not. 🙂
‘To allow and express all the love I feel is the next step. Without any holding back, no matter if the other person can handle it or not’. I am working on that too Steffi!
It’s so good to be at ease in conversations with people and not need to control any aspect of it. I’ve found that I can’t pretend to know a lot about different subjects because I truthfully don’t know haha. But what I do know is how to be me and I tend to be very silly when I’m in conversations. It’s a sign that I’ve let the person in and I don’t need to impress them with any knowledge. It’s great and there is no tension at all. Knowing someone deeply as well is letting them in and being yourself.
The honesty you are talking about here is superimportant. All this pretending doesn´t serve anybody. And the other person gets actually nothing from you, if you pretend to be someone else or smarter. I can relate to what you are saying a lot, it feels lovely to be honest like that because it is not about words or knowledge you speak, it is the energy someone feels talking to me, and if it is real, it doesn´t matter if I know something or not.
As a person who relied a lot on knowing things, I love reading that. It has been hard to drop that, and very slow. But life feels so much simpler when I do not have to know, and do not have to have any answers.
I can feel the ease in your body letting go of the control for knowing everything and being prepared for every answer. Really beautiful, because I can then feel you 🙂
This is so true, I am still working on this aspect of my life, but I am experiencing it more and more, just being myself and not going out to please anyone or be anything that I am not. The feeling of being able to do this is far greater than and so much more fulfilling then any recognition that can be given from another person.
It is amazing loneliness exists when there are so many people in this world.
It all starts with being yourself and letting other people in.
Beautiful blog.
Just being you is indeed much more than getting recognition. Recognition is never enough, and once you get it, you need more. Being you is already everything and is actually resolving every issue you are having. SO why go for the constant chase, instead of living the full me. It is actually ridiculous.
We are so conditioned by our parents and everyone we come into contact with as children, that the way we receive love is by what we do, rather than who we are.
I have had the realisation that all my interactions in life have been playing roles of what I think the person wants me to be so I don’t feel rejected.
..and we live these roles and wonder why we are exhausted or why we are happy, when we are on our own at home again… I always avoided being with a lot of people throughout my day, because it was so exhausting for me to be around them… but simply because I didn´t allow myself to be me with them.
It is sad that we are conditioned by out parents to play the roles we think the person in front of us wants us to be , not who we are. I associated myself with it straight away but on going deeper, I realised, as I got older, that I came to a point with my own friends and peer group that with some people I could be myself and people liked me for it. These people became my true and best friends
Steffi I am inspired by the way you have simplified your life by choosing you, and trusting yourself to build more loving ways of being. By being open and vulnerable the door is always open to more love coming in.
Oh Steffi – what a beautiful sharing and incredible journey. I am saying to myself as I am reading, yes, yes, yes! I too have discovered that I have started to open up to others and truly let them in because I have opened up to love myself. Knowing I am enough and who I am is amazing and has changed my life for ever. Yes, to not being able to truly appreciate the support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and a big affirming YES! to me for also ‘hopping’ on this journey as you have beautifully articulated. In your expression I feel your love for yourself, for others and if we met tomorrow I instantly know even though we have never physically met we would deeply connect and know each other instantly in this love and true expression of ourselves. Thank you Steffi.
We definitely would- thank you for sharing your appreciation for me and for yourself – it ´s a joy to read and feel you in your comment 🙂 Until we meet in physical form 🙂
Steffi, I loved coming back to reading your blog and the part where you took the time to thank yourself as it was you that chose to hop onto this journey. It gave me a moment to appreciate myself for doing the same. Thank you
‘The more I become my true self and live that with other people, the more I receive freedom in myself’, I read this sentence a couple of times as it feels very poignant for me at the moment. it is the consistency of our livingness that makes the difference.
Yes, and it is the constant surrendering to myself …first in me and then with others..
Steffi, I really enjoyed coming back to this blog. I love the ending where you give equal thanks to yourself for hopping on this journey which is not secure, it is a reminder to myself to appreciate the same in myself. It’s a journey that can be challenging and rocky at times but it’s without doubt a journey worth taking.
Oh yes! There is no other way in life for me- appreciation was always easy for others, but for me – not really… Having the focus on that changes everything 🙂
It is so beautiful when we are connected with us whilst doing something. I experience more and more magical moments with others, because other people open up naturally equally to me too and express much more. What a lovely exchange in equalness…
“not being dependent on anything on the outside and needing no proof to feel good inside” These words feel life changing. I can only feel this way if I live from the love I have inside and express it out.
So true Leonne – this is the ultimate freedom in life, as from that place, I can make a true choice.
Exactly Leonne it is the ultimate confirming, loving, powerful, mature place where we should express from and nothing is needed from the outside – truly liberating to choose and trust this place.
I agree Ariana being open to love allows us to be open to everyone. Protection definitely does not work, it just keeps people out and everyone separated.
Hi Steffi, I can relate to putting on this act of being very open and friendly to other people, but in actual fact, not letting people in – although I really wanted to! I too am now learning how I need to connect and build that relationship with myself first, and how the quality that I am with myself is how I am with others. Thank you for sharing your story 🙂
Competition is such a killer in society. We learn from an early age, that it is about being the winner and to stand out in this way. Instead of appreciating us in every aspect and so the other. How amazing would the world look like, if we wouldn´t compare and compete with each other?! Supporting each other and appreciating no matter how ” good” someone is, would be the most normal thing…What a beautiful imagination!
Protection is such an illusion in every aspect. To truly show yourself and not carry a shield in front of you is a win win situation. Learning to use our awareness again, that tells us everything, is the key for me – then we don´t need to hide in individual patterns, to shut ourselves away from others and ourselves. If you trust your feelings they do everything for you to be safe.
Beautifully said Steffihenn, protection simply does not work and guarantees we do not truly connect with others.
Steffi, this is beautifully expressed. I use to hide in sport as being my expression, it wasn’t a true one, but where I could be with people and feel safe It took me a long time to let people in, and it wasn’t until I met Serge Benhayon that I understood how I kept people out.
Like you Sally, I actually didn´t know how much I kept people out, for me it felt normal “open”how I was. Very communicative, not shy, having a lot of friends and acquaintances.
But to realize that I am actually not truly showing myself to another and that I had a protection/wall, which can only all a few to enter and if only within my conditions was huge. It is always a new decision that needs to be made, whenever I meet someone and it is miraculous when you truly show yourself and in result let the other person see you.
Isn’t it incredible that we can be so “good” with people – super competent socially, have great conversations with our many friends, no reserve at all, and really look like we have nailed life. On the inside we are pretty much withering away behind a brick wall we have built out of our skills, talents, hurts and fears. No-one gets past the ramparts to see who we are. It is interesting that there are people we let in a little bit more, but I still see them as just getting a glimpse through a window after we have pulled back a curtain…they are still not allowed in. From my experience I can see now how much I have been kidding myself, imagining I have been letting people in….all the while I have had the door to my heart bolted, windows shut, and all of the cracks sealed. Also from my experience – so not worth it.
Yes Sally I too would use my talents in art to gain recognition and praise and it was a never ending cycle of having to do more and more for it. When in truth all I ever truly wanted was for people to see the real me. It’s funny how we put up our own barriers and shut people out? Being ourselves makes life so much more and invites others to connect too.
It is sometimes truly magical, when I see how people react when I am truly open and letting out my love for them…It is indeed super simple and like you said invites people to connect to themselves the same way.
This blog makes perfect sense to me and how I have been jealous of others for having a talent and believing that being good at something makes you worth being friends with and that you would be more interesting. I was always on the lookout for something that I could do that would get me recognised, not for being me but by what I was good at. Great discussion Steffi.
It is such an illusion that we think, we are what we do- where is the profit of being dependend your whole life to the outside?! Feels very stressful and exhausting to me…
I know what you mean steffihenn, we are ingrained to think that what we do is the all important thing rather than looking at the quality in how we do what we do and the way we are living our lives. So often the 1st question people ask is what do you do and then form an opinion or judgement based on that as if it defines us in someway rather than getting to really know the person 1st. And yes its extremely stressful and exhausting looking to the outside and depending on it for everything!
Actually I should appreciate every morning, when I wake up, how amazing my life is now- how much more I am in my body and the less attached and dependend I am from the outside. I tend to look to what I know I can get to still instead of appreciating where I am at now. Thank you for your reminder 😉
How we are in those silent moments when there is nothing to be done is very telling – exposing the lack of connection to our true self and highlighting the drive we use to fill that void. How beautiful you now choose you, and have discovered the truth and love that comes with that.
Thank you Steffi, your expression here helps me feel supported in the way we choose, as you say, the unsecure way, of the ever unfolding and learning student of ourselves. It is not always easy, but it is always rewarding.
..and you are finally not coming back to the same situations anymore, which were very tiring 😉
As you say, Steffi, words cannot describe the gratitude to Serge and his family for showing the way and like you, “And I also thank myself equally because I hopped on this journey, which is not secure and gives me no attention or anything from the outside, but brings me back to my true silky-satiny SELF”. However, you say the journey ‘is not secure’, surely that was only true in the beginning? As one walks the path it becomes ever more secure the further one walks and then there is no longer a question of security, one just is.
This is a beautiful testimony of the extent to which our talents allow us to control situations (and people) and to be liked by others while leaving us empty inside because there is no real relationships we can establish with ourselves and with others. By becoming our talents we choose not to be ourselves. It is a deep choice. But it is just that; a choice.
You are so right Eduardo- nailed it. A choice very worth considering and choosing me in it, instead of talent and recognition. Although it is just a “simple” choice- it gives you control and security, I am very ready to let go of these fake friends.
Exactly- this is true freedom for me in life.
Exactly, when you are just you and more in your body expressing I have the experience too, that the other person aligns to that energy. Not only I feel better, but the person I talk to too.
Steffi, yes you have skills and talents but could it be what gave you biggest freedom when you wanted to protect yourself in the past was your courage?
These days it is even better – no need to protect yourself any more but you still have enormous courage to look at what is really true.
I like that Christoph – courage as a protective device, or its most beautiful form which is to inspire our unreserved exploration of our issues.
Its very cool how you show Steffi that seeing other people as greater than you and making yourself superior, are like partners in a false game. While they seem different they are actually the same.
Your article touched very deep sadness in me, Steffi. It made me realize that most of my life all the “doing” I’ve done-good or bad- was for the sake of being loved-without understanding that I am love and nobody can give me that love which is in me already.
I’ve been playing with people in my relationships, manipulating them, keeping myself distant and “safe”. In truth I’ve been in contraction, not allowing my love to be expressed and equally not being able to meet and see people for who they are-equal to me Sons of God. Now everyday I am practicing letting people in and staying open to them-with more understanding. It feels great and I appreciate my connections more and more. Huge thanks to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon for sharing Love with us.
I know this game and like you I realized – there is no winner in this game- only keeping oneself in the same spot and playing safe. Not very satisfying.Thank you for you beautiful hones sharing .
It is an exhausting game elenalight, and one that I have played for too long. It feels as though we are engaged in a game of letting people in, only so far – enough to win their love/like/approval, but never so far as they can see who we are. All of this is based on feeding our hunger for love, and reducing the risk of being hurt or rejected. It is as though we are all playing a competitive, board game. We make life into a two dimensional competition, trying to gather as many points as we can to be able to keep playing.
You nailed it Rachel!!! Very well expressed !
To keep playing and I will add to keep us on other sides and separate to each other.
It is so true that we only let people in so far….I really appreciate what people are sharing here because this topic is an interesting one. We talk about hardening up, scared of being hurt etc… but we dont really talk about the level of protection that we all walk around it. It is only through Universal Medicine that we are able to gain a true understanding of what brotherhood is about (letting people and the love in) and from that foundation can see how far away we currently are from that and how protected we keep ourselves.
Isn’t it interesting Sarah, that we are so clever at letting people in so far and in fact keeping them away from the real goods inside of us at the same time. It is like a mad tango between stiff armed dancers – don’t get too close! Don’t get too far away! We all playing at controlling the show, just so we can avoiding being real, vulnerable, open and raw.
I can relate to this Steffi, ‘It can’t be that being with people means being racy, excited or annoyed.’ This has been my experience until recently, I have noticed lately that I am more steady with people and that I am not trying to please and be liked so much, that i am more accepting of being me with people and not ‘trying’ which feels lovely and so much less tiring.
After seeing a friend, date or having a business meeting and went back home and felt relief- like, “Now I can be me again”. Since I am not playing different roles anymore, I don´t have this step. What a true relief 🙂
Totally agree with you here Rebecca, it is so less tiring when we are just ourselves and drop the act of trying to be a certain way for others
Me too Melissa, it is much more freeing and simple as well simply being myself!
I can relate to that same sentence. I too have noticed that I stay more steady with people nowadays and feel less exhausted after a conversation because instead of trying to be now I am just there, feeling where I am and steering myself back to me if I start to feel tired, racy, too excited or want to get out of the conversation. It is hard work but so rewarding.
“The more I become my true self and live that with other people, the more I receive freedom in myself.” Thanks Steffi, this is the perfect sentence for me to connect with today.
“There is so much love inside me that wants to get out, holding it back does actually hurt more now than to release and express it towards others.” This, I can relate to, when I hold back the love I feel, for whatever reason, I instantly feel hard and all tight inside. The ramifications of this play out in my body, not only in that instant but afterwards too, for now I know there is no need to live this way, in contraction. What a blessing to have this reminder every time I make a choice.
Beautiful Steffi, thank you for sharing the gift of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine with the changes in your life you have made as a result- a real inspiration.
Beautiful Steffi thank you for such a lovely sharing and offering for everyone of your gift from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine of truth and living this way that is available to everyone – so true and so simple.
Steffi, a gold medal, and not for your achievements but for delivering yourself to the world.
🙂 I accept your gold medal- the most beautiful medal I´ve ever got in my life 🙂 Thank you!
Thank you Steffi, and so many of us will have our own stories about how we kept ourselves separate, creating our own worlds and defences… From quite young I felt that if I trained long enough and hard enough that strength and weapons would keep me safe… But of course they did not. This old paradigm took many years to unravel, and I thought that literally it was impossible to let go of, but eventually in its place is developing an innocence and tenderness that is my true self. Thank you again to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
I love your innocence and tenderness deeply! I thank YOU, for letting it out more and more.
Crazy isn’t it how we often get told to “just be yourself” when we have spent our entire lives doing what the world has asked us to do instead. I found this quite difficult as I had adjusted myself to so many different roles that would be changed at any given moment depending on who I was with or what I was required to do. That was exhausting because there was also an underlying fear of being found out to be nothing more than a cardboard replica, going through the motions to fit in.
Now I am a “real live girl” I know how to be myself more and more and it is an ongoing and enjoyable exploration. Like you Steffi, I thank Universal Medicine for supporting me to know who I truly am.
I love the expression ” a real live girl” 🙂 I enjoy this exploration aswell and I can feel in your comment how much you changed to the real version of you- lovely.
Is it not incredible the power that we have by choosing to re-connect to our innate way of being and then sharing this with all… It sure is the opposite way I had been living up until I meet Serge Benhayon and started to attend Universal Medicine who presented the way to re-connect. 10 years on and what a completely loved filled life I am living. I agree Steffi there are no words that can say how much gratitude I have for Serge and Universal Medicine, just the Love inside of me which is forever expanding the deeper I choose to go with it.
Steffi, I had similar experiences while growing up and for most of my life, ‘’I thought that I had to do things, to be special or produce good results to be loved”. Like you, I took the view that “if you are the best, no one can touch you. You are on this pedestal of security, which is indeed not a safe place at all and is actually a very lonely place”. It was not until I met Serge Benhayon and started to attend his presentations that I became aware of just how lonely this place can be and I too started to open up to people and to develop love for myself which replaced the need for recognition from others. There is so much freedom in realising that just being one’s true self and expressing from this place is all that is needed.
Steffi, thank you for your blog and your sentence, “I started to open up towards people because I opened up to myself and built the love for, and inside, me”, is awesome. Those first faltering, tentative steps towards opening up to people is a choice, then suddenly a quantum leap is taken and our whole world shifts and we wonder where and why we had been hiding as people become a joy to be with.
When I grew up I was always the one in the back of whatever we were doing. It was safe there. At a young age I was drawn to photography that was perfect for me, I could hide in the open and record life around me. As I got older photography was a way to do something I loved and to get paid to take photos that would be in my portfolio. When I did a wedding it was never about money, I was documenting a day. I would arrive just before breakfast and document the day till the couple left the reception that night. As I have now found that I had spent most of this life looking for what was outside of me to make me complete. There is a great part of my life were I was always the photographer but never in the photo. I now choose to be seen and show the world the joy I have being me in it.
How beautiful to see you now IN the photo 🙂
Great blog, thank you Steffi. It truly is freeing to live in a way where we can simply be our true selves and to let go of all the outside imposters many have allowed to construct their life with. The way of the livingness is the best way to live and I too look forward to deepening this way of living as there is no bottom to the love we can connect to.
Thank you Steffi, for sharing yourself so beautifully and openly, letting us all in.
I could really understand the security that we create for ourselves by being the best at something, and how desperately we will protect that stance because of how fearful we truly are. So much of our society, beginning with education, focuses solely on worth being tied to the best achievement or result. We build mountains of behaviour to live this “best at something” but all the time feel bereft. I really appreciate this blog and all the new awareness it’s given me, thank you.
What is most unfortunate is that being the best at something can give someone a feeling of supremacy and this means someone else has to be less than you…. But if we see our different strengths and weaknesses as something that is complementary and can be shared with each other to teach each other and build each others strengths it changes the ball game completely.
‘I started to open up towards people because I opened up to myself and built the love for, and inside, me’. Pretty much sums up where to begin when we are ready to change our lives…. starts with honesty which exposes old habits and behaviours which provides the awareness to chose differently…. thus, we ‘always’ a choice.
Being the real us is IT, the bees knees, the be all and end all, and we can choose it at any time, and yes Dean, being yourself is absolutely infectious, no question. And what a way to be infected. LOVE, the key to everything, and we are IT.
I really relate to your blog Steffl. It has been five years since I went to my first presentation by Serge Benhayon, Livingness 1, five months since I did Sacred Esoteric Healing Level 4 for the second time and released the guilt I had been carrying around in my body for fifty years. And four weeks since the weekend of the Sutra’s, Livingness 19 and the Expression Workshop and the ten days leading up to the retreat and I have started to let people in and express.
It is so amazing to see peoples reaction towards me that I want to let more people
in. Thank you for the inspiration
I agree Steffi, no matter how much recognition we recieve from the outside, it is nothing compared to the lovely joy that is felt when we accept ourselves on the inside first, and then let out the amazing person that is there.
Exactly harryjwhite, it comes down to accepting all that we are in full. Getting to know how absolutely amazing we are and then don’t hold back in showing this to everyone, no matter how much we sense they could react..
What just dawned on me is in how far I have always calibrated the space that I need to what I thought might be the reactions or feelings of others if I did claim that space.
Claiming the space that we need with true love for ourselves is the basis to truly love ourselves and from there be able to meet others with love in all that we do.
This is such a great blog Steffi… one I shall re-read many times I feel! I too am a work in progress but am deepening my own connection with myself and learning to fully appreciate who I truly am – and to be that around others, and let others in too. Such a beautiful way to choose to live! I’ve learnt vulnerability is actually really powerful, and very freeing. Life just gets better and better!
“It doesn’t matter how far you have come, what matters is the decision to be aware and be honest with yourself and to say yes to a change”.
So powerful Steffi. Thank you.
Lovely comment Mary. I resonate with what you said with reference to Steffi’s comment about playing different versions of me. When we realise that being ME is enough, it is as if we can breathe our own breath and as you say, others can relax too.
Reading this ‘I always felt myself to be less (as a person). A sentence would come up in my mind that: “I am a bad person in life’ made me remember a really horrible energy and conciousness I let run me when I was younger feeling and thinking exactly the same as you, that I am a bad person or thought myself to be less than others. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine show the truth with and in energy which has helped me to understand this so I am able to choose the love that I am instead of allow an energy to run me that is not me.
“The more I become my true self and live that with other people, the more I receive freedom in myself.” learning to live with ourself truly (I know) has felt like it gives me an openness and freedom like never before.
Thanks Steffi this blog really explains the old saying, ‘It’s lonely at the top’ and why a lot of celebrities quite often have troubled lives. These people could learn a lot from reading your blog.
I completely agree Brendan, when I am looking for recognition with others it is only ever because I have not appreciated myself first
Letting people in is indeed a beautiful experience, being just yourself and simply saying ‘hello’ opens the door to much more than we realise.
I am feeling more and more these days how it is so much easier to be me than it is to pretend to be something different for many others, according to my perception of what their needs are – it is so exhausting.
Steffi, this is such a beautiful blog, an invitation and reminder for us all to leave the fortress of the mind and the prison of talents and to allow ourselves to be truly us with others. It really touched me.
What a great picture you are painting here. I really like the fortress and prison you are bringing in here. Exactly- that´s how it feels like. Totally limited and distanced. Why would we choose this ?!
I love Steffen how you describe the way to open up to people involves opening up to yourself. Connecting first with my own vulnerability and fragility has allowed me to risk opening up to others, knowing that in essence they are just as tender as I am.
Thank you Steffi for such an honest and open sharing – it’s beautiful to read how you made changes in your life to become your ‘true self’.
This is such an honest blog Steffi and rings bells in me for how I related to life and people. When you write that the more you open up to people the more you give yourself the freedom to be you is very important. Not being ourselves is like living in a straight jacket and so completely exhausting.
I also like you Steffi had difficulty letting people in or I was very selective as to who I let in, but since being involved with Universal Medicine I have a greater relationship and acceptence of my true self and as a result of this I have a greater willingness and wanting to connect with others
I can totally relate to what you say Joe about being selective. Through the presentations of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, having an understanding of myself has given me the confidence to be the real me and and its amazing how much more freeing and the lack of energy that is required when I am willing to be more open to others.
Isn´t it crazy that we measure how much love we can show to different people?! We can feel in nanoseconds how much love someone can accept and measure then how much we give. Instead of letting it all out all of the time, no matter how the other would react or cope with it.
Me too Joe. I thought I was open to people and now everyday I get to learn that there is continually more that I can allow and more protection I can let go of. When I do open up to a deeper level the magic that plays and affect it has is incredible.
For me opening up is like discovering myself in full. Not only do I see and feel more of the other person – I realize everytime how amazingly loving, tender and sweet I am .
I loved reading this and can resonate with it all in particular ‘There is so much love inside me that wants to get out, holding it back does actually hurt more now than to release and express it towards others’. Truly opening up to people is a daily commitment and dedication and it is amazing how wonderful it feels when I do deeply connect and show my vulnerability, even if at times it feels challenging and like I’m naked, baring all. Thank you your honest sharing, it has left me lots to ponder on.
I agree too Vanessa, learning to be open to whoever comes our way each day, our family, friends, colleagues and just those we encounter each day. It is a continual development of correcting living as a closed person, open only to my partner, to living openly and with love.
It is a constant commitment – sometimes I catch myself in being seemingly open but not really. What I do then is look in the eyes of the other deeply and not shy away from the contact. Pretty cool.
Opening up towards people is an everyday exercise and focus for me. How easy can we slip into old patterns – it indeed needs a constant dedication and committment- I deeply agree!
I love what you have shared here Vanessa for I can totally relate to your words. Holding back the love that we naturally are is not at all healthy for us nor anyone else for that matter. Imagine the change in the world if we all let go of and healed our hurts, connected to our vulnerability and expressed the love that we naturally are in connection with each other. It would completely transform our relationship with ourselves and all others and as a consequence, the world around us.
It’s true that when we hold someone higher than us, we then hold others lesser. We seek recognition and allow others recognition from us. It is an exhausting merry-go-round of dissatisfaction.
How beautiful it is to let things like this go and to understand and feel that we are all of equal worth just for being. It’s so lovely to let go of judgement and criticism and to meet another in that equality.
Well said Amanda – it really can be a destructive cycle when there is no consistency. And it is the same with ourselves, if we have times when we feel better abut ourselves than other times, we are also left feeling dissatisfied. So letting go of comparison in ourselves and others is a huge change
Comparison is the most evil in this world. There is no better or more advanced. But to live in a world where it is all about achieving and being in competition with others, it is not easy to let go of these beliefs and goals. You need a consistency with the truth – like you said ladies- everyone is equal and never forget, forget and live that with every cell. How would the world look like if there was no comparison? What a beautiful imagination.
A very different place indeed Steffi. I still notice the tiniest forms of comparison in me to others (especially women) and it feels awful to say that out loud. What if we spoke absolutely everything that went through our heads. It would make us aware of how crazy our self doubt really is!
When I talk and teach my kids this, that is to be themselves, there is an instant lift in them, an instant natural livingness that is so beautiful to see and feel. Just confirming them as they are, there is the U turn in their presence (especially after school) and reminder in a world that doesn’t confirm this but make it all about the tests, reading and numbers.
That is beautiful Matthew. What you are showing to your children is gold.
This is beautifully stated Matthew and I really relate to it in some of my experiences ‘growing up’ with my children and then as a teacher. How simple and powerful meeting children is!
Your kids are lucky and blessed to have you as their father- I am curious how this will change their future and connection to themselves when they get older. 🙂
“The more I become my true self and live that with other people, the more I receive freedom in myself. This is the most amazing feeling I´ve ever felt and was looking for my whole life.” I feel the same Steffi these moments are gold. I am also deeply appreciative of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for exposing the awful ways I have been communicating and showing another way.
People have often said to me ‘just be yourself.’ On the inside, I was feeling a deep emptiness and had little idea what being myself meant. Hence, being different versions of me with different people whatever the safe option was at the time. It feels like a series of wonderful surprises to feel who I truly am and to be developing the expression of that consistently with everyone.
‘being different versions of me with different people whatever the safe option was at the time’ – I certainly do that too Irene. Often at school I’ll look who’s in my lesson and within seconds judge how I should act and behave so that I fit in and don’t stand out. Although, my experience of being myself has been very similar to yours – ‘a series of wonderful surprises’!
Hey Irene great comment. People have often told me as well to “just be yourself” throughout my life and i never really knew what that meant. The problem was, I believed that I was not enough because the outside world doesn’t cherish and confirm the natural intelligence that we are. “It feels like a series of wonderful surprises to feel who I truly am and to be developing the expression of that consistently with everyone.” beautifully said.
Thank you Steffi, reading your blog has brought tears to my eyes, because I can so much relate to what you wrote so beautifully clear and honest… and because I have experienced your change and appreciate and love so much your openness, love and ability to be vulnerable in contact with other people. These moments are gold for me, as they inspire me to do the same and to also say yes to that change!
Thank you Stefanie – your comment is gold , your words really touched me.. Thank you for your awesome expression 🙂
Great blog Steffi, and one I can really relate to… the more I connect to my true self, the more free I feel. I love how in being myself around others, it seems to give them permission to just ‘be’ …they are more likely be themselves too, and the connection between us is so much deeper. I too deeply thank Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon for everything that has been presented to ponder on – especially where it challenged me!
Thank you Steffi, this is real gold. I feel the design of your beauty in this piece – you really bring the exqusite expression into your life and how you are and this is palpable in this writting. I can feel the realness in what you say and live. Life becomes truly from inside out – this is gorgeous to feel. I can absolutely relate to this, as this is how I am starting to life my life – thanks to Universal Medicine & Serge Benhayon, I am deeply re-connected back to myself and re-claiming a truthfull way of living that supports me to let out that gorgeous sparkle within me – that I was once outside of me looking for..
You are absolutely beautiful inside out Danna.
This is a beautiful blog Steffi. It actually got my full attention because I can feel you being you and not the busy “doing” you, how lovely is that !
It is the best feeling ever 🙂
Steffi, there were so many things that you said that rang true for me, thank you for sharing . This felt so loving -“not being dependent on anything on the outside and needing no proof to feel good inside.”
Opening up to others has always been an effort for me and has not come naturally, even though it is the most natural thing in the world. Of course, I have come a long way in recent years (thanks Universal Medicine) but it still feels like I have much to learn and layers to unravel. I really love the revelation in this article that striving to be IT often comes from the avoidance of being asked to be more. Deep down, many of us know that we are more and often we don’t like being reminded of the fact.
‘Deep down many of us know that we are more’ As one of the many, Marshall, I am well aware of the comfort zone of just ‘ticking over’ when in truth my body, and the world it lives in is crying out for me to be more.I’m on my way now, thanks to the inspiration of Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and the Student Body, the layers are coming off!
From my experience, I didn´t even know, that I am not truly open to people- it wasn´t in my awareness. Like you said, I wasn´t asked to be more, so how should I know that I am holding back myself.
Same Marshall, I took on ways which I thought I had to appear to people: to be proper, nice and polite, engaging etc, but naturally i am just me. This has a whole different way of being.
I can so relate to what you are saying here Marshall. Opening up to others gives the illusion that we are also opening ourselves up to the potential of being hurt by them. But I am coming to realise more and more that there is no greater hurt than when we close ourselves to the awesome potential of the open honest and ever developing relationship we can have with others.
Its very powerfull to discover and learn to be yourself.. and then inspiring others- Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon offer true education and a natural way to reclaim our true loving power. Great Blog Steffi
Wow Steffi thank you so much for sharing. I was deeply touched reading your story and understanding more of you. I have recognized recently how much more you have opened up and how much more i enjoy being around you and to feel your real beauty and sensitivity.
Thank you Janina, it is amazing, although it takes courage sometimes, to show myself in full. No matter how I once thought I have to be. Lovely you could ‘feel me opening up to my more vulnerable side’.
Beautiful Steffi. What stood out to me was how you say “If you are the best, no one can touch you”. Crazy how this seems like a victory. In reality I know for me, I naturally adore being touched, with love.
” It doesn’t matter how far you have come, what matters is the decision to be aware and be honest with yourself and to say yes to a change. ” Very true and powerful line, as we can so often get caught up in the past, or measure ourselves on that. Yes it’s good to take stock, and appreciate how far we have come and what has changed, but also not one to use to hold us back. Every opportunity is a choice to choose another way.
Exactly gylrae, to let go of comparison and to be very honest to oneself.
What I love about these blogs is the common denominator, and that is life is about truth and love, and the fact that everything is about looking inside or us for all the answers we have longed for, not searching outside. This is huge and profound within itself, and something I feel we all ( I know I have) deep down know for years. Thank you Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for re-awakening this for all of us.
Yep, absolutely agree- the answers are all found in ourselves- it just needs an openness and trust in our power and wisdom to listen to the answers to our questions.
Opening up to people and not holding back our love is the key to life bringing a joy, freedom and inspiration to both ourselves and others. This is magic in our world today with all the illness, disease and suffering growing daily. Thank you Steffi for your inspiration to be all of you fully and lovingly.
It is the greatest gift you can bring to humanity- your full YOU 🙂
The maths of that old way of being for you, Steffi, give me a chuckle, not at you but with all of us who do it. It goes like this: There is someone who makes themselves look greater and whom lots of people ‘put on a pedestal’, look up to, make themselves lesser than, and wish they could be like. And what is it they wish to be like? They wish to be like this ‘hero’, ‘expert’, ‘master’, brilliant high-achiever in whatever it is, who is greater than the masses, who has followers, admirers, influence, is special and is separated from ‘the rabble’ by their high position. The equation is: one person who feels greater, up on the pedestal, with many admirers who feel lesser. But if each of those people who feel lesser copy the expert, do get what they wish and end up on the pedestal, where do the ‘lesser’ admirers for them come from? Pretty soon we’d run out of admirers – there would not be enough to go around! Everyone would be standing on a pedestal being greater in an empty room with no-one to admire them – which is completely contrary to what they wanted and contrary to the whole point of the exercise of being greater! But you can’t feel greater standing alone on a pedestal in an empty room. It shows that this way of being is not just unwise and separative, but impossible. The maths don’t work, let alone the evolution of Humanity as one Brotherhood! Instead of this dead-end we have the awesome way forward of opening and connecting in love with everyone so that all can be great and free, together. Heaven is way higher than any pedestal in creation.
What a beautiful bomb you have dropped here Steffi – playing less under the false guise of being ‘more’ and hoping no one will notice! Exquisitely exposed for all to feel, thank you.
Being aware of who you are and forever saying yes to being that is an ever expanding journey of what self truly is.
I love when you return to something and ‘find’ more, like this blog Steffi. What I see from this blog today is this line, “There will never be an end point of love and I appreciate where I am at now, looking forward to more deepening.” Knowing that the way I feel now isn’t ‘it’ but more a further step that will deepen even more. I am at times guilty of feeling and appreciating where I am at with something but then holding out and not looking for the next point. “There will never be an end point of love” rings true and through appreciation there is an ever deepening point of love offered. Thanks Steffi and no doubt I will return again to your blog and see something else.
It will be lovely to have you back reading the blog. 🙂 I know the feeling of rereading a sharing and because I am on a different point in life now, something else is there to ponder about. These blogs are like sessions on its own 🙂
Well said steffihenn and it is great to see you so active in replies. It’s touching to read and appreciate someones blog and then to have them equally read and appreciate your comment brings more to us all.
Thank you Steffi. The whole blog speaks so much appreciation of yourself it is simply gorgeous to feel.
What a beautifully honest and inspiring blog Steffi. I agree with you completely – attending presentations with Serge Benhayon is the true ‘gold’ beyond any price. I have been and continue to be inspired to make new choices and many changes which are deepening re-connection to my/our Divine Essence and the freedom this brings is something I only dreamed of before.
“The more I become my true self and live that with other people, the more I receive freedom in myself. This is the most amazing feeling I´ve ever felt and was looking for my whole life – not being dependent on anything on the outside and needing no proof to feel good inside. These moments are gold for me and I look forward to more”.
Oh my goodness Steffi, your words speak straight from my heart, and my experience also , thank you so much for expressing your humbleness and beauty. For me, life completely changes when I let people in, there is so much love and joy to share.
Hi Steffi – reading this was a big healing for me. The most interesting thing happened as I was reading it. Every time one of the lines brought up a particularly relevant point for me I would vague out and lose focus! Then I would re-read what I was avoiding and receive a massive insight. I very much relate to this blog. . . What a key piece of writing . . . Thank you.
Wow, how beautiful- I know and feel now the importance of writing this blog even more. Thank YOU.
Great blog Steffi, thank you. I particularly liked this line, “It doesn’t matter how far you have come, what matters is the decision to be aware and be honest with yourself and to say yes to a change”.
I feel this is a very key point. This is where true responsibility starts. As long as we are aware and are willing to be honest with ourselves, saying yes to making changes becomes so much easier.
Thank you, Steffi, I can relate to everything you have shared. Isolating yourself by being ‘the best’ is absolutely miserable, and not at all what we truly long for inside. Our society nowadays creates a lot of separation by putting people like sports champions and celebrities up on pedestals, when the greatest joy in life is to share our lives and be together in equalness.
Steffi, in feeling that I am less than others I too have sought to be better than others in other ways, like striving to have perfect grades or owning the nicest things. The very things that I used for inner satisfaction and to ‘fit in’ have kept me disconnected to myself and other people. Now I too can accept the love I am and open my heart more often.
Your story reminds me of how I cottoned on in my early 20’s that making friends needed me to do something special for them, presents, special favours etc. I tried that for many years, and like you after choosing to live with the “way of the livingness”, I have found opening up and being me was all that was ever needed. In fact being other than myself is detrimental to establishing the true relationships we all desire.
I really loved your blog Steffi, especially the line ‘It doesn’t matter how far you have come, what matters is the decision to be aware and be honest with yourself and to say yes to a change.’ – reading that line I understood that true change comes from a dedication to yourself.
I love how you write “I started to open up towards people because I opened up to myself and built the love for, and inside, me.” I too have found this is the key.
What deeply supportive words to wake up to. I am particularly connecting with the appreciation you express for yourself, Steffi – it feels so real and loving to read those words.
It feels amazing to express appreciation of oneself- how often do we look for mistakes in us and connect to an energy that is not supporting us to go deeper with ourselves. Reading your appreciation felt amazing too 🙂 relationships based on appreciation- how beautiful 🙂
The state of ‘being and Love’ is natural to us, we see it in babies and nature. They just are. When we lose this natural state and begin adopting a myriad of personas the trying starts and so does the downward spiral. We may have outward success, but the real marker of how we truly are, as you say Steffi, is how we are with ourselves in our ‘silent moments’. It’s wonderful that you’ve opened up to yourself and in doing so doing opened up to others.
This exposes another one of the many distractions we are fed to fill us up with doubt, jealousy, comparison and we take this all on and try to deal with it as our issues when in truth it’s not true … that’s not us. Once we see through this it leaves us free to recognise in ourselves our gifts, our true essence. This has been a golden realisation for all and so beautifully illustrated by Steffi and exposed by Serge Benhayon.
‘There will never be an end point of love’. What a beautiful sentence. It exposes how reaching out for love would never work, for how can you catch something that is forever expanding?
Absolutely true- the beautiful thing about it, is that it is coming towards you and you don´t have to reach on the outside for it. Just emanate what you are, and it will respond.
The trap of being at the top and not having others to turn to for advice. What a way to escape the learnings being offered from others. It’s interesting that we strive to be alone in such a powerful way in business. I always hear many leaders say it is lonely at the top.
Society has set it up to rise above the others, instead of equally joining them, instead of just providing another level of support and leadership to the business as a manage.
Awesome blog Steffi welcome back to the love that you are made of , thank you for sharing with us all.
Deeply self caring and nurturing oneself has a lovely unifying result, where no one feels better than or less than, just an equal being in life that has made different choices.
Steffi could it be that all of life’s problems stem from the fact that at some point we all broke away from being our real selves and became false versions of the real thing. You and so many others are now experiencing the feeling of coming home to our real selves again.
Yes indeed this is the biggest life problem. It is actually so easy but yet so hard to come back to the true self… All these hurts, that program us to not live freely and with trust in love…But the smallest step is worth the journey back to our hearts.
Steffi, your blog is a great confirmation of where you are and where you are choosing to be. I love how you exposed that you may have seemed like you were open to people but it was a illusion you feed to the outside world. It’s inspiring that you found you can go deeper with your love and that there is always space to deepen still. Performing for others for recognition, searching outside instead of in for love. All very exposing of what’s at play, and how we miss seeing the love we already are.
We are ingenious at the amount of different ways we can invent to keep people at bay, keep ourselves protected and keep ourselves truly from being ourselves. Being the best so that no one can touch you is one I hadn’t thought of, but makes so much sense. To all those people in the world that are out there, that I took a major dislike to because I thought you were up yourselves, I totally and humbly apologise and now understand it was/is just your way of protecting yourselves as I have done in other ways. I love the honesty in your blog Steffi and your understanding that it’s a never ending unfoldment.
Kevin the understanding you bring here is really supportive for me too – thank you.
This form of protection – being the best and untouchable is not what we usually think of as protection, but boy does it keep people away. It’s like a version is presented but you never really get to know the real person.
Exactly Vicky- well said! I remember, I had with every person a different version of me !
I loved reading this Kev. It brings much more understanding to the type of protection.
Beautiful to feel your understanding, Kevmchardy!
I can relate to the awareness of not truly connecting with people in the past. As I let myself be more me there is a lot of joy in the simple everyday connections with people. I’m building trust that I can be the real me and not need to be different versions of myself with others.
Re-reading your blog Steffi. I am so struck by the tenderness of your appreciation; both of yourself and of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon. For me to stop and really feel that and appreciate the huge changes in you is such great medicine for me.
How beautifully expressed- thank you Ottobathurst. You are an extraordinary man!
Thankyou for sharing 🙂
Wow Steffi such a wonderful read and the line that really resonated with me this time around was “I have stopped playing different versions of me with different people. It is beautiful to see how people react when they see me being open and vulnerable – it helps me to trust, that being ME is enough.” I know this costume change way of living where you constantly change yourself into something that will satisfy that relationship but will then have to change for another and another. This is absolutely exhausting and not a way to live at all. Your article has inspired me further to deepen the love I have for me and let that flow out and through to all others.
Yumm .. silky satiny Self …. No food or experience is more delicious or enticing than resting in Me. What a gift to know and live this! The pressure and drive, the separateness drops away and possibility of living a truly connected life opens up.
Your blog Steffi has reminded me how I used to feel around people – I was always uncomfortable, comparing myself and I just felt yuck in my skin. This was my normal. Your blog gave me a moment to appreciate where I am. Thanks Steffi
You know reading this blog, at so many points I could relate to Steffi’s honesty and Truth. I too have been one locked into a pattern of not really relating to others. Whilst friendly and I can be helpful and talkative, this is not the same as being open and raw on the inside, saying just what we feel without censorship and expressing our natural love.
This is so true Shevonsimon, measuring how much we are willing to open up for others is never truly letting them in – it is always conditioned.
“The more I become my true self and live that with other people, the more I receive freedom in myself. “Letting people in is something I am continually working with as I have spent most of my life closed off from people, but it is true Steffi, being my true self brings so much freedom and simplicity to my life it halts the trying and the wanting to be something. I loved coming back to read your blog again there are many golden nuggets of wisdom in what you have written.
During the retreat held by Universal Medicine which is currently on I realised that I was protecting my self from deepening my relationships with people close to me and in general. With this awareness I am letting down my wall of protection and letting people in and letting them get to know the real me. This is a very joyful process.
It is a joyful process Marylouisemyers, I agree and I had no idea it could be such a beautiful journey. Being able to heal my hurts and let people in has brought so much joy. I never believed I could open my heart in such a way before meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
Beautiful marylouisemyers. I too am noticing the walls of protection I have built and brick by brick I am taking them down. It is a very joyful process indeed.
I can´t wait to see more of YOU 🙂
If love is everything and we are settling for recognition and approval we are bound to be locked in a very lonely prison. We are all very loving at our centre, no matter how hurt we may be or how we act out. Inviting people into my heart feels uncomfortable and scary at times but when I do it, nothing could feel more natural and joyful.
Absolutely Fiona, inviting people into our heart feels uncomfortable and scary at times but when we do it, ‘nothing could feel more natural and joyful’. The lovely thing is that once started, letting people in is an ever deepening process as we heal our hurts and hence deepen our level of connection with all of humanity.
Thank you Fiona, it is true, inviting people into our heart appears to be uncomfortable but it is the one thing we are all craving – to know each other from that love.
Thank you Steffi I understand totally and saw myself in your words. I too have reconnected to the love within me with the amazing support and wisdom that Universal Medicine provide all equally.
“Words can´t even describe how grateful I am – I thank deeply from my heart Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and all of his family who reflect to me the truth and the love within that I was always looking for”.
I, like you Steffi, feel such gratitude and appreciation to all at Universal Medicine and the Universal Medicine student body.
I really enjoyed rereading your blog, you offer such wisdom and inspiration, thank you.
So true Jenny, we can totally trick ourselves that we are on track with having abilities and sharing them but our bodies wil always tell us via the empty feeling that keeps needing that constant filling up.
Delightful reading the realisations and the changes you have made in your life. I love the way you have described the journey as it “is not secure and gives me no attention or anything from the outside, but brings me back to my true silky-satiny SELF.” Returning to such gorgeousness is well worth the journey.
Indeed amazing Golnaz 🙂 I would have missed you then- how horrible 🙂
When I look at babies and see how open they are and reflect back to us this enormous love and light it reminds me that I too was once like that, that I am actually naturally like this – Having had the enormous support from Serge Benhayon and attending Universal Medicine workshops and courses I can see how far away I have come from this. The beautiful, open, loving and caring baby that I was with everyone – no judging and letting go of all the imposed idea’s of what it is that I’m supposed to be. I have never felt this much warmth and love inside of me before, and I know this is the real me.
What a lovely description Natalie, of how I remember I was as well as a child.. And what I could also be every single day now … It is awesome to connect to that love and claim it as being the real me- thanks for inspiring me for that.
Thank you for sharing your adventure in discovering your true self. Steffi you also thanked yourself for the true joy and love you are and so it should be.
‘…not being dependent on anything on the outside and needing no proof to feel good inside.’ These words are gold thank you Steffi. Being dependent on what is outside of us really is quite draining as it involves a constant effort. Your lightness and ease with yourself after letting go of that dependency is lovely to feel.
The different versions of ourselves that we portray are killers, never knowing whether you’re coming or going it is such feeling of being totally lost, thanks to the Serge Benhayon there is no need to be as lost anymore
It took a while for me too Stephanie, to realise that it was not until I started to build the love for and inside myself that I could start to open up towards other people. I can feel a lot more freedom in my body and ease with others now – rather than the tightness I needed to hold onto to keep people away.
I can so relate to your story Steffi, thank you. I too have learnt that I am enough, just as I am, without recognition, or doing or being the best at something. So freeing to just allow ourselves to be, by building a beautiful body of love for us and all to feel the truth of who we are.
Totally maryloureedis – I agree.
“by building a beautiful body of love for us and all to feel the truth of who we are”
So powerfully said!
“I recently realised how easy I am around people now because I am more me and I am taking the space which I need. I have stopped playing different versions of me with different people. It is beautiful to see how people react when they see me being open and vulnerable – it helps me to trust, that being ME is enough.” This is beautiful Steffi, thankyou for an inspiring blog.
Beautifully said Sue, feeling the true you is really lovely.
I love what you’ve expressed here Sue.
We learn from an early age how to create different versions of ourself for different people. This is one of the earliest forms of protection we develop – how to present what will be accepted, recognised or left alone rather than living our true selves.
Beautiful sharing Sue. Being ourselves allows us the spaciousness in our bodies and also allows the other to have the space to be themselves.
Yes I too Sueq2012 love what Steffi has said by not playing different versions of me with different people. Allowing space to be me with all people that I meet no matter what the circumstances… Still at times I can feel a pull to play that role I so religiously choose but more and more I feel strong as me and don’t want to play that game any more. I feel so much more of me when I accept and allow me to be.
I love it when you are just YOU 🙂
“If you are the best, no one can touch you. You are on this pedestal of security, which is indeed not a safe place at all and is actually a very lonely place”. We strive for this place in the world don’t we! But to discover the emptiness once we get there is not expected. To fill the emptiness with constant striving for the next thing is the tool we use to numb what is felt, and so we keep ourselves locked into this cycle of striving and pushing to achieve. Anything to not feel the loneliness.
Yes, for me trying to be ‘perfect’ was this same ‘security’, where I actually believed that I wouldn’t be hurt, and I would be deeply fulfilled. However, it only took me further and further away from my natural sensitivity, tenderness, vulnerability and openness with people; where I would harden, be on edge, and constantly ‘performing’ the perfect ‘show’. This false security is imprisoning and the loneliest place on earth.
I do agree Kylie! And you know what? You are absolutely un-perfectly perfect 🙂
Totally agree Rachel, I know when I have got to the end of a race, or got a good grade, after the short- lived euphoria wears off there is the gap left that had been filled by the strive to achieve, and now is empty. So often we simply fill the space with the next thing instead of stopping to feel that perhaps there is another more sustaining way it can be filled.
Well said Rebecca !
Yes Rachelmurtagh, we keep ourselves busy to not feel… To feel, what is really going on underneath our skin…It takes courage to stop and step out of this cycle of distraction. Not the easiest bit for me.
Yep, I started to live a life feeling it and not doing it..It is not comfortable to feel your insecurities or your emptiness, but the only way to start letting go of the mechanisms that rebuild this again and again.
The oscillation that you describe concerning how we compare other people and ourselves is pervasive in society. It is disabling because it gets in the way of connection and equality. Lovely what you say here, “I started to open up towards people because I opened up to myself and built the love for, and inside, me.” Building a foundation of love and openness within supports connection in equality. Thank you.
It’s incredible to explore the depth that I’ve lived using talents and skills to get seen and recognised. Growing up this was normal yet felt so un-normal. No wonder so many people resort to the “vices” of the world to cope. Without a doubt what Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon present is revolutionary yet simple and already known. It has helped and supported me to get to know the real me and gradually build trust in me – in effect letting go of what I learnt to take on over the years. As others have said the ideal of success vs what true success is is vastly different and something I am starting to explore.
Deconstructing ourselves is definitely a worthwhile endeavor. What I feel emerges is a real sense of love for people that continues to grow. The more I am tender with myself, as a sensitive man, the wider my eyes open to all that life is and the beauty that is within everyone. It really makes the need for attention and recognition based on what we do an empty pursuit, yet there is no attachment to recognition if that is what occurs and comes your way as you connect to your true gorgeous self.
Great article Steffi. This way really does take the ‘trying’ element out. Just by being you and true to yourself makes life and relationships effortless.
Steffi, I love your blog. There is so much here I recognise in me also, the need to hide behind skills or have something to do, and how lonely it felt in the middle of it all, and always feeling that it was a fraud, that somehow I would be found out. So many lines hopped out at me, but this one speaks today ‘I could easily look up to people who impressed me and truly adore them, but adoration and love for myself were foreign words.’ This is something I know well, I still do it but I am now unraveling more each day, as I see the game it is to look up to another and not honour me, what type of admiration is that, and what a clever way to avoid taking responsibility and to be small. And you know the best thing about this right now, yes it’s still there, it’s being unpicked but I love that I can see this and respect that I’m willing to keep looking and to let it go (You reminded me of the honouring in the now of where we are and how far we’ve come!)
Great blog Steffi, you have allowed an amazing awareness to now guide the true way forward of being all of you with yourself and others.
This conundrum, albeit absolutely false, of seeking a way to be “worthy of being loved” by doing a particular activity well – is probably the most widespread disease in the world.
Steffi you so clearly present the see-saw we are on when we live for recognition – one minute up as we do whatever it is we do best, then down again as meet another who we have elevated to some kind of special status, then up then down again. The see-saw of low self-worth. I’m very familiar with this ride for it is how I also lived up until recently, never feeling enough just being me, and in reality never feeling enough based on what I was doing either. The teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine present that there is another way and it starts with simply re-connecting to our inner heart. From here it is possible to feel the love and beauty that we all naturally are and get off the see-saw.
When we stop trying to be what we think others want us to be we realize how terribly caught up in ideals and beliefs we have lived all the time, wrapped up to the neck in pretending and pandering and improving, so that it is hard to even breathe, being exhausted to the bones from trying and doing.
Alex well said. When we stop the trying to be what we think others want, that is the start of feeling the extent to which our life has been shaped and dominated by that way of being.
Thank you Steffi I can relate to a lot of this blog.
What it highlights for me …”The more I become my true self and live that with other people, the more I receive freedom in myself”.
This is an immense myth busted. Unconfident people like myself look at confident people on their pedestal and imagine that their lives are glorious and simple, as they sail through life on their wave of success. A very neat story, and clearly many miles form truth.
The success is always conditional, the eyes of envy turned towards the successful one are wounding, and success itself is no antidote to the inner emptiness and its pain.
These sorts of writings deconstruct success and reveals that we are very far short of our true nature (silky and satiny) without our own love, and the open heartedness that lets others in.
Opening up to people and meeting people openly opens us up to so much that we can’t imagine. I did the opposite I kept myself small so not to make others feel less than me, a bit arrogant really! It’s the same as making myself feel more. There is a freedom in just letting people in and just being. Thank you for the blog Steffi.
Love your article Steffi, I relate to it very much. ‘ It doesn’t matter how far you have come, what matters is the decision to be aware and be honest with yourself and to say yes to a change ‘ I have found this too and how powerful it can be. Thank you Serge Benhayon for reflecting true love and showing me the way back to me.
Thank you Steffi for such a beautiful sharing. My heart expanded when I read ‘There is so much love inside me that wants to get out, holding it back does actually hurt more now than to release and express it towards others.’ Just as this is true for you, so is it true for me also. When we start opening ourselves up to love, it so naturally open us up to others and so love expands.
Thank you Steffi for such an honest truthful sharing and changes you have chosen to make in your life with the support and inspiration form Serge Benhayon and his family. Learning to truly open up and allowing the love for oneself and thus all others really is such an amazing gift and way of being ever deepening and forever working on no matter where we are in that it is open to us all and the more we reflect this the more joy inside bubbles out and is infectious. A truly beautiful sharing.
Thank you Steffi for your openness, I really enjoy the real you reading your blog.
I love this:
“It doesn’t matter how far you have come, what matters is the decision to be aware and be honest with yourself and to say yes to a change.”
Steffi I love what you have shared and it is such a behaviour that cripples us. Being identified by what we do and holding onto that as who we are and judging our success in life from this is ridiculous. As you say it keeps everyone out and you are left standing there truly alone with judgement and eliteness emerged in our way of being. Learning to let go of this is massive, I was brought up like most to believe that this was it, I decided that this was our way to live. Serge Benhayon presented that there is another way and I too have chosen this and now I deepen my relationship with myself, I can feel my worth for I am everything that I ever needed to be and what I do is only an extension from this. Accepting me is accepting everyone and like you Steffi love my new found relationships that are real, open and seriously beautiful.
The truth about Serge Benhayon is that he shows us how to break the (self-created) prison we are incarcerated in. He is constantly showing us what true freedom is.
A very honest blog Steffi, breaking your safety protections and showing the beautiful vulnerable person that you are. This is true freedom and thank you so much for sharing your journey with us.
Steffi I could really relate to your blog as I have been on a similar journey. It is an incredible paradox that what has driven the incessant need to achieve, be successful and be recognised by other people is in fact a deep insecurity and lack of confidence that comes from a lack of connection with the real me, that real beautiful, vulnerability that you spoke of.
I have been learning the same things through Universal Medicine Steffi. I never had the sense of equal with anyone, it was always more or less. To have built a relationship with myself and really get that I am enough just as I am, has helped me to change this, and to see our jobs and roles as just that – they are not who we are and do not make us who we are.
I know Steffi, holding back love hurts far worse than anything else and it’s so freeing when we stop that and finally let it out. No master yet but I’m learning to stay with the stillness and love that I am and let other adjust to that rather than me changing to fit in.
The society we live in today looks at success as the be all and end all of living life. If a person is ‘successful’ they are admired and put up on a pedestal and it doesn’t seem to matter how they achieved this. As we know, life isn’t as good at the top as you have expressed Steffi, with loneliness and loss of true connection with people. What if we didn’t strive for ‘success’ but committed to deepening our love for ourselves and others… what a different world we would live in? This is what true success means to me now.
It’s a dreadful trap to get caught in – doing, doing, doing. It’s great to recognise this trap and start to get out of it.
We take on behavior that is not our natural way – it is just for protection. Thank you Steffi for sharing how Universal medicine helped you recognize the behavior and its causes, and drop the guard and open up to people naturally.
Each time I read your blog Steffi, it just takes me deeper. What and how you have written has many layers. I’ve found nurturing myself has the capacity to deconstruct the walls that I have created. It is as if I give myself permission to be more open to the world, see through the layers that hold others back and continue to love people even more.
I loved this ‘It doesn’t matter how far you have come, what matters is the decision to be aware and be honest with yourself and to say yes to a change.’ Honesty with ourselves is so important, it is lovely to read how much you have changed.
Steffi and Rob I loved your deconstruction of ‘success’ stories. I have always admired the great skills people have, and before Universal Medicine wished I could ‘better myself’; I have since realised that I simply need to be myself to realise my potential. That also has been a journey of deconstructing the ways I’ve managed to make myself not good enough or given up on self, which is really just the flip side of the coin and also very separating.
‘It doesn’t matter how far you have come, what matters is the decision to be aware and be honest with yourself and to say yes to a change’
When I started to get more honest with myself life changed a lot. My relationship with myself deepened and then so did my relationship with others.
Thank you Steffi for making the changes and inspiring others along the way. Everyone benefits.
Thank you Steffi for this wonderful article – I especially noticed in the last paragraph the awareness to be in appreciation of your beautiful self for re-connecting to you.
“If you are the best, no one can touch you. You are on this pedestal of security, which is indeed not a safe place at all and is actually a very lonely place. When you are in that place, it has the effect that no one asks you to be more – because you are IT already in the way the world sees it.”
Steffi, this is so amazing to feel. I had never seen myself as being like this but as I read it I could feel how in thinking that I was the
“Amazing miss Springclean ” I had put myself in that position.
And I was not asking myself to be more because I thought that this is what I was meant to be doing, instead of seeing myself as being all that I am. It is all of me that is amazing, not just a part of me.
“There is so much love inside me that wants to get out, holding it back does actually hurt more now than to release and express it towards others.” This comment is gold and I agree in full! Thank you Steffi for your expression.
Thank you for writing so clearly about the outer trappings of our skills, capabilities and achievements and how they do not truly fulfil us; no matter how hard we try, they remain tiny and fleeting rest spots in a vast and desolate desert that can only be nurtured by what we bring to ourselves and our connection to what truly matters.
It is indeed so lovely when connected while doing. Than everything’s just flowing. I’m still in that process and catching myself often enough. A journey worth exploring.
Like in our photoshoot, hey ? 😉 Being connected does appreciate yourself in the same time- I LOVE IT:)
Thank you for sharing this Steffi. I had the same questions about life: surely there is more to life than competition, trying to get more things, always comparing myself with others. Connecting to the true me and bringing this to all situations is awesome. Thank you Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
There is so much in your blog Steffi, to reflect upon and today what stood out to me was: ‘what matters is the decision to be aware and be honest with yourself and to say yes to a change’.This is a good point, we have to say yes to change. Although change is enormously fulfilling there can be apprehension as we let go of the former false identity we have had which had become comfortable and instead embrace relinquishing control and feeling our boundaries expand.There is truly no end to evolving and I can now barely remember the person I was only a few years ago; learning to embrace change and examine my limits are both key.
Hello Steffi, the constant craving of the next thing to go after or achieve and when you got there – no not it. Then the let down of not finding ‘it’ only to go again on the high of the chase to only again fall down. Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon support the inside and expose the chase outside for all it is. Gone are the ups and downs and now there is far more stability and consistency to living. This all comes from building care and love for yourself and realising everything you need is inside you.
Thanks Steffi, what you write about being talented and using that to keep yourself above others and not really connecting to them has triggered me to ponder how this played out for me growing up – and where that pattern can still play out today. I recognise the false protection that this behaviour is seeking, and yet as you point out it is actually lonely. So even though I had a drive to be the best at my chosen sport, it was connection with myself and others that I really wanted.
Oscillating between feeling greater and lesser than others is the perfect distraction from us being able to feel the equality of all beings in essence. It is a masterful trick, one I excelled at too. But as you become aware of this illusionary game, and the truth about the equality and brotherhood of all beings has been felt, it is the most Glorious realisation.
And this masterful trick and the fact that we play this game just goes to show that we are all already masters of energy – playing the game to avoid our true glory-full selves. The question is WHY? And WHO plants this game for us to be puppets of?
Steffi, I can relate to a lot of what you have said. I imagine that a lot of our world operates in the fashion you describe as the old you – I know I certainly did before meeting Serge Benhayon and attending Universal Medicine presentations. It is definitely a work in progress but when I am truly open, the response from others is quite amazing and so much warmer than anything I have previously experienced. Thank you for taking the time to write such an honest blog.
Great blog Steffi. I love how we open to ourselves and therefore open to others.
Love it Steffi – you’ve made huge changes in your life to no longer be someone who looks to get recognition for being the ‘best’, but to now being open to communicate and connect with people without the ‘safety net’ of being branded ‘successful’ or ‘better’.
Thank you for sharing Steffi, I can relate to what you have said completely as most of my life have been caught up in the same yo-yoing always trying to be the best and then when faced with someone who seemingly has it all, not knowing how to cope! The more I am living consistently with myself the less this comes up and the more content I feel within myself, then no matter what anyone says or does it does not matter because I already feel complete so do not need anything from the outside to fill me up.
I find reading Steffi’s blog very interesting. On the one hand Steffi uses her talents to get recognition appearing confident on the outside and yet on the other hand feels less when around someone she looks up to. Which ever way there is a falseness, a lie being played out. Thank you for sharing with great honesty your journey and it is very beautiful and inspiring to read ‘I started to open up towards people because I opened up to myself and built the love for, and inside, me.’
A lie being played out and a game being played that does not ask us to be all we are, but in fact uses every possible tactic to keep us small and less or falsely pumps us up.
This is a really honest and open article – thank you Steffi. I think we can all relate to your feeling less than and then trying to feel more than to avoid the hurt of the former. I too found the teachings of Serge Benhayon and others at Universal Medicine very helpful in coming home to the real me. It is a never ending journey that gives my life so much more purpose and meaning.
To leave behind these silly games will eventually let us express and live our true purpose. Everytime I stay in the equality the purpose of me is instantly felt . How amazing, when we decide to be who we truly are and hold the other in the same quality.
“If you are the best, no one can touch you. You are on this pedestal of security, which is indeed not a safe place at all and is actually a very lonely place. When you are in that place, it has the effect that no one asks you to be more – because you are IT already in the way the world sees it.”
This is gold Steffi. I too have found the pedestal at times to be a barrier, a way to keep people away from me, at the same time harbouring feelings of resentment toward those same people who seemed to share a connection with each other but not me….the playground of emotions – a diversion from having to be responsible.
Thank you Steffi for your open and honest sharing of your journey back to the True you. The break through is opening up to ourselves first, feeling and connecting to what lies beneath the surface. This paves the way to true self healing.
Hi Steffi, I really liked this line.. “The more I become my true self and live that with other people, the more I receive freedom in myself.” Not needing or wanting from others is a great freedom, one that is well worth looking into and exploring.
This is gorgeous to re-read Steffi, what stands out for me this time is, ‘It is beautiful to see how people react when they see me being open and vulnerable – it helps me to trust, that being ME is enough.’ I have noticed that when I allow myself to be vulnerable with people that I do get supported and I feel a lovely connection with people, it feels very natural and true to be this way, it is a work in progress for me to allow myself to be this way rather than trying to protect and guard myself.
I love your post script “And I also thank myself equally because I hopped on this journey, which is not secure and gives me no attention or anything from the outside, but brings me back to my true silky-satiny SELF.” Super cute.
Steffi this is a way of being that is lived the world over, mastering life from the outside and feeling void of intimacy & love on the inside. Universal Medicine has shown that life’s richness comes first from connecting to and nurturing yourself & through creating a rhythm that supports this to happen – we gain a deeper understanding of our true potential.
Constant measuring yourself to others is a exhausting practice, I for one defiantly did and still do to a degree today. Even though our exterior may be nice and polished there is a degree of anxiety that in underneath.
When choosing differently, all this changed for me as well.
Thank you for sharing Steffi
Beautiful sharing Steffi thank you it’s so very easy to relate too especially being ‘good’ at something and going along for a ride on the ‘doing’ instead of the ‘just being me’ and expressing that.
‘I have stopped playing different versions of me with different people.’ It is amazing how we alter our behaviour to suit our circumstances and who we are with, and how exhausting that can be. I find it so much simpler just to be me, the true me, all of the time.
Steffi this is so honest and revealing what you have shared here and what is beautiful is that how you have started to open up towards people because you have opened up to yourself as you build love from inside you. How intimate and open and inviting for others to open too…
How true Steffi that nothing fulfills us like expressing all of who we are from the inside. Nothing at all.
How true that when we do not express as love, truth, harmony, stillness and joy, it actually hurts, a lot–we are hurting ourselves and robbing the world the gift of seeing the reflection of this greatness we all already are, but hold back.
What eventually emerges from self love and connection is equality. It is quite humbling to see and feel everyone as an equal, no matter if the outer shell is putting on the act of being better or acting less than.
Freedom to be you, how very beautiful is that Steffi.
It is also so lovely to feel and read how much you appreciate yourself and the choices you have made.
“It doesn’t matter how far you have come, what matters is the decision to be aware and be honest with yourself and to say yes to a change”.
Such inspirational words Steffi, thank you.
Thank you Steffi for your beautiful blog; I can very much relate to what you so simply share here. It’s a beautiful unfolding, to let the real me out more and more – no more calibrating and adjusting to whomever I’m with, and no more hiding. Studying with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have helped me so much to re-claim who I am in full.
Steffi in your first paragraph I thought you were talking about my life. The more I mastered my trade, the more adoration I received but the catch was that I was receiving it for what I was doing and not who I was as a person. I spent most of my life trying to be the perfect bricklayer but in the process kept myself seperate and I too was very lonely.
I loved this line: “I am taking the space which I need”. It really resonated for me!, thanks for sharing Steffi.
Beautiful blog Steffi. The very first paragraph got my attention like a bull to a red flag. I realized how alarming it is that at a young age children can figure out how to get attention when they want it from their parents and/or anyone around them. So I ask the question of where is that love and connection that they are missing?
Beautiful Steffi – it is not about achieving perfection or being the best, it does as you say come back to us living and being ourselves in full. Thank you for sharing you.
Steffi dear – this is so beautiful to read and receive. I can truely relate to feeling secure and supperior for what I do and know but inside feeling insecure with myself and others. It’s gorgoues to find back to a way of just being me – open, vulnerable, tender, precious, innocent and silky-satiny* US.
* I love that word as it truely describes how I too feel my beauty when it shines out from every part of me.
So lovely and truely inspiring to be on this journey back to Love with you.
We are brought up to believe that what we do counts more than who we are. I too have been so invested in seeking recognition from others by what I do. When this recognition hasn’t been forthcoming I have allowed it to affect me and made myself feel small. By also developing self-love and a connection to myself the need of others approval has lessened and this has been so liberating. I notice the thread of wanting approval by others can still be there in subtle ways, but by observing when it comes up and having much greater confidence in myself it is easy to deal with.
It’s interesting that by seeking recognition from others for ‘doing’ something and not being ourselves causes us to think we are either greater or lesser than another. This leads to constant comparison to weigh up which of those two options we may feel with different people or situations. When we don’t have to seek recognition from outside and know our own amazingness we KNOW we are ALL equal.
What a beautiful, powerful blog on a very delicate subject, being ourselves while being with others. That is what stood out for me. What I instantly felt is the ignorance I still carry from time to time towards this factor. Which means burrying the loneliness as well. And I would describe my own experiences / realisations that without being intimate with myself, I’m not truly able to connect to any one else. Thank you Steffi, there’s a LOT in your blog for me to ponder on, and / or study.
Yes Floris I agree.If I am not intimate with myself first then I cannot be intimate with others.
These two phrases caught my eye “if I walked next to someone who seemed important to me, I always felt myself to be less (as a person)” and “It can’t be that I oscillate only between feeling better than anyone or lesser, without any equality.” This just about describes everyone Steffi. There is so much inequality in the way we appreciate ourselves and appreciate what others bring too. Imagine if we all knew our worth and that of others and then walked along side one another. There is so much strength in that.
Absolutely Rosanna, ‘There is so much inequality in the way we appreciate ourselves and appreciate what others bring too. Imagine if we all knew our worth and that of others and then walked along side one another. There is so much strength in that.’ I can really feel how amazing this would be, it is so common that we put ourselves as lesser or greater than another, and so we are in separation from ourselves and each other, this is a painful way to live, I have lived feeling lesser for years, this has recently changed and I appreciate myself and others much more which is a lovely way to live.
‘There will never be an end point of love and I appreciate where I am at now, looking forward to more deepening.’ I can so embrace this! Thank you, Steffi, for your blog.
Steffi, this is a great blog, I can relate to so much of what you have written especially about how important having awareness is as it gives us a tool to make changes that not only impacts us but impacts those around us.
It appears then that whether you make yourself big or keep yourself small the result is the same – a feeling of loneliness or emptiness and a lack of true connection with other people. In the end, playing big or small isn’t being who we truly are, it’s simply a facade. Thank you Steffi for what you have shared.
When I am just being me I can connect to people easily but if I am trying to engineer a certain result I find expressing very difficult. I have never really seen the distinction between this before so thank you for sharing your story for me to gain more awareness.
Steffi, I recognise all that you have written about the horrible way you lived in the past, and how meeting Serge Benhayon began to change all that and allow you to open yourself up to others. Serge lives a true example of someone who does not put himself on a pedestal, or anyone else, and this is so refreshing in this world of comparisons and competition that we grow up in, and an inspiration for all those who seek to be comfortable with themselves and know their own love rather than wanting to find comfort in life from the outside.
Steffi, the freedom from being you whoever and wherever you are is discernable in what you ve written. You feel amazing and this freedom feels like fresh air or cool spring water. I am getting moments of this myself and its wonderful to read about how being oneself delivers this to us, so supportive when it can feel uncertain at times. I am definitely continuing this journey back to me.
When I stared reading this Steffi, it brought up so much sadness for the way I have lived. I have always compared myself with others and tried to be the best, thinking that by being better than others I would feel better about myself. Such a false foundation and is a continual game of better or less.
Indeed Nikki, such as false foundation of either looking up and idealising another or feeling better than another because comparatively I was doing better than them. Either misses the point that we are not what we do or have nor appreciates the absolute equality we are in our inner hearts.
So true Nikki – and by making ourselves better than another we don’t see how amazing the other person truly is, this harms us and others. There is a constant tension within us and between us and others – a constant jockeying for position – living in this tension and functioning from this tension feels horrible.
You are one beautiful woman Steffi Henn… I greatly appreciate the depth of honesty from which you have written and shared yourself so openly with us here. And what a great part of this ‘journey’ you have ‘hopped on’, that you can now open the door for so many others to see that it is this true and loving relationship with ourselves that allows us to connect so beautifully and meaningfully with others.
I can relate to the ways in which we can slam ourselves with self-judgement and condemnation, with comparison (being ‘more’ or ‘less’), living for approval, and the rest – all torturous paths that keep us away from the amazing feeling you describe, i.e. that you are “not being dependent on anything on the outside and needing no proof to feel good inside”.
This is a blog to treasure deeply… I look forward to many more.
This is a great article Steffi, I love what you say here, ‘It doesn’t matter how far you have come, what matters is the decision to be aware and to be honest with yourself and say yes to a change.’ I find this really supportive, rather than trying to be ‘perfect’ or ‘getting there’ or comparing myself to others and never feeling enough, it feels much more true and empowering that what matters is making the decision to be aware and honest.
This is a great article Steffi, I love what you say here, ‘It doesn’t matter how far you have come, what matters is the decision to be aware and to be honest with yourself and say yes to a change.’ I find this really supportive, rather than trying to be ‘perfect’ or ‘getting there’ or comparing myself to others and never feeling enough, it feels much more true and empowering that what matters is making the decision to be aware and honest.
Your comment Rebecca resonates with how I feel too. The blog is so open and honest Steffi, it is one to come back to again and again, reminding me that I can be myself and say yes to a change, perfection not required!
The comparison thing is deadly. Feeling less than or better than others is a lose, lose situation. You are always on edge wondering if you measure up, one moment feeling in control, and the next feeling inadequate. I have been experiencing a steadiness that comes from accepting myself as I am (warts and all). This acceptance of myself has resulted in the same acceptance of others. The equalness then is evident and there is no need to measure or compare. Life is much more enjoyable this way and a lot less stressful.
It was so gorgeous to read your blog – not only to get to know you but to realise how much we all have in common. I found this sentence really re-assuring ‘It doesn’t matter how far you have come, what matters is the decision to be aware and be honest with yourself and to say yes to a change’ as it means I can be myself without criticism.
We are such extraordinary beings, it’s amazing that we have allowed such limiting lives.
Thank you Steffi. Living from the inside out rather than from the outside in is very special. It has changed everything for me. I am learning to be myself with others and this is so freeing because let’s face it trying to constantly prove your worth is exhausting.
This is so true Elizabeth , and ultimately dissatisfying. Steffi your blog is so heartfelt, and I can relate completely, just to realize we are enough just being ourselves at last!
Just adding to your beautiful comment that I am even learning to be myself with myself so that I know to be myself when being with other people.
Yes so true Elizabeth, trying to prove our worth feels a bit like a hamster on a wheel and no matter how hard we run we can never prove our worth through what we do. I know that choosing to feel within rather than search without has brought huge and unexpected changes, being open and relaxed with people in a way I had never imagined possible.
Wonderful insights and realisations Steffi – thank you. It’s so interesting how we all develop our own personal coping mechanisms in the life. Yours has been very different to mine, I chose to not feel good enough and retreat from life, but whatever the strategy they all have the same result, and that is to imprison us in a world of falseness. Ultimately they keep us from feeling and living the depth of love that we are and come from. It’s beautiful to read how you have been willing to see and let go of the old behaviours which kept you imprisoned and in doing so you have allowed the true you to emerge and share the beauty of that with others.
Valuing ourselves for what we do and how we measure up is endemic to the human race. To change this in just one person, as you have shared, takes time. It takes commitment and dedication. It is beautiful to see how many people are now choosing to do this and how by sharing, as you have done, supports and inspires others. It flags up for me the huge responsibility we have of not holding back but of being full participating members of humanity with this new found awareness and way of being.
Steffi I can relate to many points in your blog – from thinking and looking like I am open and great at communicating to realising for me it was just an act I played. It’s lovely to feel the changes that have taken place and with the support of Serge Benhayon what a really open way of living is. Very confirming to read thank you.
Good point David, I can relate to the point as well. I thought I was a open person because I’m well articulated and seemingly engaging with people. However when comparing this to a deep connection with myself and then using this to connect and communicate with others, I realised I actually didn’t.
When I don’t open up to people, they will never get to see the real me. Not only that, If I don’t open up to people, I will never get to see others for who they truly are. And that is a shame and a true missing, because boy oh boy, how great and beautiful we all are. I would not want to miss that for one single moment.
I love, Steffi, how you are able to now combine the immense talent that you have with such a beautiful openness. You are a great role model for all of us.
Thank you for sharing this Steffi Henn and what you say makes sense. Change is inevitable if you apply the teachings of Serge Benhayon and as you say it has taken you years to realise that the ‘doing doing’ is not the answer.
What really sticks out for me is when you say, “With my current awareness I now know that I never really opened up to other people, although on the outside I seemed very open and communicative and wanting to connect with others. But it could not have been real connection, otherwise, I wouldn’t have felt so lonely inside in the silent moments where nothing was there to be done”.
To know the clear and distinct difference of what true connection is and being open with others is something that has to be lived and your blog is a true statement of the real change you have lived and experienced. Very inspiring for anyone reading this.
A beautiful sharing Steffi. It is important to have a loving relationship with ourselves first, before we can be in true relationship with others. The true marker for many, is how we are in our quiet moments, when we are with ourselves and alone. How we feel, as you say, when there’s no one else around. Thanks for going deeper Steffi and hopping on the journey back to self love.
Beautiful Steffi. I also love seeing and feeling how people react when you simply open and be yourself with them. It makes a huge difference and you can feel the change when you choose otherwise. That true silky-satiny Self is one amazing thing to be.
What glorious changes that you have made Steffi in your life. Being open and willing to expose your vulnerability feels like it has been a wonderful way for you to connect with other people, with no more being the lonely rider.
I agree Deidre “being open and willing to expose your vulnerability” it feels like a key ingredient which has helped support Steffi open up and connect with other people, I know it has helped me hugely.
Thank you Steffi for this truly inspiring blog. What I can particularly well relate to is that “The more I become my true self and live that with other people, the more I receive freedom in myself”. I always believed I was free but in fact had put myself into a well-designed cage that had walls painted in trompe-l’oeil which I pretended where the world.
Universal Medicine has inspired me to see that everything in my life starts with myself and that I am the only one who can give freedom to me.
Thank you so much Steffi – I loved this blog and could relate to so much you have shared – particularly the line ‘It is beautiful to see how people react when they see me being open and vulnerable – it helps me to trust, that being ME is enough.’ – for years I felt that being open and vulnerable was a sign of weakness, and not a safe way to be in the world but those ideas were absolute rubbish! I have found the exact opposite to be true and the more that I am open, honest and allow myself to be vulnerable – the more others can be this way with me and the more I can enjoy the freedom and absolute loveliness of being myself!
Steffi, we all are – as you say in your opening paragraph – special and worthy of being loved – and I really appreciate your honesty in sharing your journey of unravelling this truth from the idea that our “specialness” and worth is dependent on what we do and how we compare to others around us.
Beautiful to read and feel your appreciation of where you are at now Steffi. I loved the questions you came to, and I remember asking myself many of these, especially the – “It can’t be that being with people means being racy, excited or annoyed.” This used to leave me really deflated after being with people, because part of me so wanted to connect and enjoy their company but all these emotions would take over and a loneliness would be there instead. I now love meeting people, because I love meeting more of me, its not always free of stuff getting in the way but so much more enjoyable.
Steffi this is beautiful, I really appreciate your honesty and expression. “I started to open up towards people because I opened up to myself and built the love for, and inside, me.”
Wow incredible what happens when we let our guards down and the love in.
Wow, this is very powerful Steffi. I can relate to “so for my whole life I thought that I had to do things, to be special or produce good results to be loved” and indeed, it is a place where I felt totally alone. I fully agree with “It doesn’t matter how far you have come, what matters is the decision to be aware and be honest with yourself and to say yes to a change.” Thank you Steffi for writing this, I really enjoyed reading it.
Beautiful Steffi, you speak for so many of us that go into doing to be loved when in simple truth we just need to allow ourselves the space to truly be ourselves first, as the doing is then the ‘after glow’ of us.
So gloriously expressed Anita. Allowing ourselves the space to truly be ourselves, the magic is right there.
I love that Anita, ‘the doing is then the ‘after glow’ of us’, that brings a completely new perspective for our actions.
Beautifully said Anita, ‘just allow ourselves the space to truly be first’ as the glow or shine of seeking recognition outside of myself in the things I do or the roles I play is only ever temporary and needs constant effort to maintain. That inner glow however when I appreciate the loveliness that I am before anything I do is forever self-nourishing.
Hi Steffi. I loved reading your blog and can relate to much of what you say here. As you say, ‘Words can’t even describe how grateful I am – I thank deeply from my heart Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and all of his family who reflect to me the truth and the love within that I was always looking for.’ This Steffi is exactly how I feel, thank you.
Thank you for this truly beautiful blog Steffi, I can relate to so much you have shared about your return to self and I also deeply appreciate Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon, and his family for their constant love and support, and reflecting the truth and love that we all are. I loved this last sentence of your article as it reminded me to equally and deeply thank myself for also joining this journey. I could also feel the delight that you are and your true silky-satiny Self. “And I also thank myself equally because I hopped on this journey, which is not secure and gives me no attention or anything from the outside, but brings me back to my true silky-satiny SELF.”
Thank you sharing so openly, Steffi. ‘ if I walked next to someone who seemed important to me, I always felt myself to be less (as a person)’ – I can so relate to what you say here. I was exactly the same and I now realise that I often felt this way with friends too, so this shows me I was constantly comparing myself with others. It makes me so sad to recognize this and to take ownership for how I treated myself and how I dishonoured myself by dismissing how amazing I am. Now I am making different choices.
Thank you Steffi. What a lovely unravelling towards being you. What it initiates in me is the word consistency. When we choose to be ourselves and remain in the connection, a beautiful consistency develops and the different versions of ourselves drop away. It is such a delight to read your blog and the appreciation you have for yourself as you journey towards a deeper and more consistant you. I can forget to reflect and appreciate and fall into doing, which takes me on a journey in the opposite direction. It happens far less these days, thanks to the tools and support by Serge Benhayon and the great courses at Universal Medicine.
Great post Steffi, i can relate from experience what you say, particularly the differences between other people – rather like when we use ‘telephone voices’ when answering the phone according to the situation. And that’s the issue isn’t it – how we adapt, measure, lessen, puff up etc. — according to a situation/person….which shows up the (lack of) equalness that we have with people, and ourselves. When we focus on being equal and consistently this with everyone, then they feel more at ease with us, i.e. we let them in, which can happen when we start to see, feel and live a sense of our own (true) importance, or the real ‘value of us’ minus anything like talent, accomplishment or skill as you write. We are all equally with great importance, and value.
Your words here resonating beautifully: “The more I become my true self and live that with other people, the more I receive freedom in myself”.
Well said Zofia, how amazing life becomes when we can truly feel and claim that we are all equal, nobody is lesser and nobody is more than anybody else. We all just have made different choices with different consequences, but nothing changes the basic fact that we are all innately amazing and loving. And when we get sick of the loneliness that the choice of thinking I’m better or lesser than another, then we can just let the acceptance and true love for self and others come to the fore.
It’s really interesting, Steffi, that you felt below everyone when you were not doing, and above everyone when you were doing. And yet none of it gave you a sense of equality and true connection! When you were on your pedestal of superiority, when others ‘cannot touch you’ and ‘don’t ask you to be more’, is it possible that they were experiencing exactly the lesser feeling that you yourself were feeling when others stand out? That comparison plays out everywhere and keeps everyone disconnected and loveless. How awesome to come home to: “not being dependent on anything on the outside and needing no proof to feel good inside. These moments are gold for me and I look forward to more.”
Dianne, beautiful observation – how awful is this constant comparison and competition between us, if we allow it. Becoming aware of this is so freeing, because then we can choose to really see the beauty in each other and appreciate and love what another brings and who they truly are, whilst equally appreciating and loving what we bring and who we truly are.
An important point, Esther: appreciating and loving what we bring as much as what another brings.
I connected with how true it is the process shared of opening up to others and opening up to oneself at the same time. How by truly opening up to love, this is a two way flow. We cannot truly open up if we have not embraced the love within as well. And how they mutually expand each other. Thanks for this expression and clarity
This is so true. Opening up to others can only truly happen when we have opened up to ourselves, by truly accepting ourselves and loving all of us this can then expand out to others, with this mutual flow. How lovely .
Thank you Steffi for such a deeply open and honest sharing of your journey from lonely isolation to a truly loving commitment and connection to yourself. What has dropped in for me is “it can’t be that I oscillate between only feeling better than anyone or lesser, without any equality”. The more I accept and appreciate myself, the more I accept and appreciate others. In the ‘silent moments where there is nothing to be done” is where our connection to ourselves and others is held in loving stillness. I choose that too!
I wonder how many of us can identify with the term ‘Lone Rider’ and recognise within Steffi’s sharing how we have lived/are still choosing to live?
“Oscillating between feeling better or lesser than others without any equality” is exhausting, life limiting, can seem never-ending and in my experience, depressing.
Steffi, you are a living inspiration showing the world that there is another way to be without the pain of seclusion.
Thank you.
I agree Julie, how awesome it is when we then find that we don’t need to run and hide from others to be able to ‘relax’. Once we can allow ourselves to just be, knowing that we’re amazing, just for being, then we don’t get so depleted and exhausted, and life becomes much more enjoyable, as we can actually enjoy each other and ourselves without constant measuring and comparing.
Thank you Steffi, I agree how life plays out and to feel on top of ‘a pedestal of security’, is that ‘kill or be killed’ mentality. I also had this in my makeup. Thanks to Serge Benhayon for sharing the Way of The Livingness that has shown many people a commitment to life with a divine purpose. ‘There will never be an end point of love and I appreciate where I am at now, looking forward to more deepening.’
Thank you for an insightful and expansive piece Steffi. Like Rob’s comment, I too can deeply relate to what you have expressed. Especially the line that, ‘I started to open up toward people because I opened up to myself….’ I love this line because it helps us realise that we are the ones keeping people out of our hearts. And how the quickest way to do this is through comparison and competition. We do indeed create our own loneliness, or we can simply choose the opposite.
Knowing that you are enough as you are, and breaking down even the smallest seed of recognition and needing to be liked etc. isn’t at first very easy, but worth the expansion in your body and your life once you can live it.
That’s so true Ben, and breaking down recognition and needing to be like is a forever ending process for me and I unravel different aspects as I become more aware of my body.
This is truly beautiful, Steffi. Thank you for sharing so intimately with us all. Recently I have come to know that the more open I am with myself the more open I am with others. I have begun to allow myself to drop all the barriers I have in the way of me getting to know myself on a deeper level. It is daunting at times but as each barrier dissolves and drops away there is more connection to myself and others.
This is a beauty Steffi, thanks for a straight forward version of How It Is.
An awesome blog Steffi, I can relate to much that you shared. I love, ‘It doesn’t matter how far you have come, what matters is the decision to be aware and be honest with yourself and to say yes to a change’, and also, ‘I started to open up towards people because I opened up to myself and built the love for, and inside, me’. Beautiful.
Wow your blog very much resonates with me. I too kept a distance from people either thinking I was in some way superior or not worthy if I respected and looked up to the person. You describe very well the oscillation between these two and the deep separation, aloofness and loneliness of living this way. As I connect deeper to myself and feel my own true value I have less need to look up to others as I now see others as equals, all of us bringing our unique talents and ways of being to the world. This way of seeing the world and people has changed my life in subtle but very powerful ways. My daily interactions are so much richer, more open and much more fun. A huge thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for the ongoing and forever deepening inspiration.
I kept a distance too for the same reasons. But I can add in there that I kept my distance so that I could maintain the superiority as if I got too close I may have been exposed as the superiority was only up to hide the huge lack of self worth.
So true facing the world with this appearance of superiority is so often masking a huge lack of self worth and self loathing. Peeling back the masks and allowing ourselves to just be allows a vulnerability and a softening to all around us.
Steffi I can see that what you have shared, many of us can relate to. I can relate to being different with different people, and not myself all the time with everyone I meet . I am very aware of this and the need for me just to be me and whoever “me” is and this is OK. We live in as world that says to us that we need to achieve and be recognised to be worthy and to have had a productive life
The honesty in your blog is inspiring Steffi in how you expose the emptiness in success and being brilliant in your field, and how talents and skills can be used to keep people out. So important for people to read this and that it is possible to turn this around, as you have by learning to love and adore yourself.
The emptiness is so felt when you develop an awareness. It can always be felt but you can never quite pin point why you feel so empty and why all that success just doesn’t fill the gap.
It’s refreshing to have someone who has succeeded in the things they do share that the pinnacle of success is not ‘it’, and can in fact be the loneliest place there is. I’ve met a lot of Managing Directors in my time and always noticed how lonely they can be, having isolated themselves by not allowing an equality to remain with everyone they work with….
Great point Josephine; many people believe that being successful and ‘brilliant in their field’ will bring happiness, and that it is the ultimate goal.. Steffi has exposed that even this can leave you feeling empty, if you use it to keep people out.
Being either less than or better than another, is something I can see I ran constantly for a long time. That constant comparison was draining, me holding myself back from being enough by just being me. Being able to accept and appreciate myself and others for who we are, means I can let others in, not in perfection, but in an ever evolving way. Thanks Steffi, so much of what you write has been the same for me.
Hi Steffie, great that you made the choice to look at your life honestly, and look at why you were looking for recognition outside of yourself. I can relate to what you say of how Serge Benhayon’s presentation of a different way of living and being would have encouraged you to make a different choice of how to be with people. I love this sentence “I started to open up towards people because I opened up to myself and built the love for, and inside, me”. I can so relate to this, I had very little confidence throughout most of my life, and used doing to try to gain recognition from this. I too have, through the work of Serge Benhayon, learned to open up to myself and face my issues, thereby building a strong self-love, which has amazingly broadened to such a great love of humanity. The beautiful side effect for me also has been a big increase in self- confidence.
Steffi, you explain so simply a major dysfunction in our world – that worthiness acceptance & appreciation is based on what we do! Not who we are! If the children of today get to feel love for who they are it will be so transformative. I too am so deeply grateful to Serge Benhayon who has shown me that my worthiness and love does not come from what I do but from within me, my essence, which is in us all equally. Life would be very empty and lonely without this connection that’s for sure.
Thank you Steffi. Much of what you have written about here, i have and still experience. I am on the same unfolding journey, where meeting people, truly meeting people with the real me, a tender, sensitive, loving man is normal. I am becoming more aware that i do not need to wear a mask when i meet and talk with people. No calibrating based on what I need from that person. No anxiety about what they will think of me. Just me. All of me.
This is such a lovely, sensitively written blog ~ thank you Steffi. The honesty you bring to this subject is gorgeous and I could relate to it all. What a false way we develop to get on in the world!
I can very much relate to this – ‘I started to open up towards people because I opened up to myself and built the love for, and inside, me.’
It’s great to see you acknowledging appreciation for yourself as well as Universal Medicine. An awesome journey to hop on.
A beautiful awakening Steffi . Rewards for ‘Doing’ start before we can talk or walk and sneaks in as the way life Is to be lived, the way one defines who they are. The truth is alway there with a quiet little Voice saying ‘there is something Missing” You have heard this voice and now there is this beautiful connection to you shining through.
What a beautiful blog, thank you for sharing your journey, it is lovely to see your true self.
Gracing us as you have with all you have so openly shared of your ‘true silky-satiny’ self is an abundant delight to feel, thank you Steffi!
Thank you Steffi, your blog exposes the lies that we have been fed about success. We are set up to pursue success from a very young age with the promise that it will provide everything we could possibly ever need or want – but what we actually long for is love and intimacy in our lives and to be truly met by another, and success certainly does not deliver this.
Dear Steffi, I can very much relate to what you have written and thank God we have chosen to open up to leaving our defences more and more behind. I can only confirm you in your opening up and deeply appreciate you in this glorious step that you have taken, you do embrace the world with an open heart and open arms.
Where you are completely yourself with all those around you and truly let everybody in, that is true freedom in yourself. Then freedom has nothing to do with the situation you are in or what you do or where you live, it truly resides inside.
A beautiful description of what freedom is. That one needs nothing external but to be truly at one with oneself and thereby be open to the beauty of everyone.
I love the way you describe this Mariette… true freedom is always felt within first, and can always be felt when there is connection within and regardless of what else is going on outside. What an awesome way to be in life… 🙂
So you have had a coming out in your own way, Steffi! I love it. I have the feeling, if I let people in and connect from there, the person I connect with can feel him- or herself and the connection is not imposing.
I love your article Steffi, this is something I have done too in the past, acting according to who I was with but not any more or let’s say, much less than I use to.
Awesome blog, Steffi, love the honesty and clarity in how you describe how much it is against our essence to live by what determines us from the outside and that it is just a matter of choice to be open for change. Very inspiring.
Thank you Steffi, such a beautiful blog to read. I can relate to what you’ve shared, as I also looked outside myself for love & acceptance from others. Accepting myself more, and connecting to the love already within me, has been life changing. As you say, ‘I started to open up towards people because I opened up to myself and built the love for, and inside me’.
Thank you Steffi for your beautiful, inspiring blog. I absolutely so enjoyed reading it, and I love how you appreciate you, bringing you back to your silky, and may I say gorgeous, satiny self.
I can really relate to this comment Steffi, how I used to be too ‘for my whole life I thought that I had to do things, to be special or produce good results to be loved’. Now, this feels like huge trap I fell into, and never worked. I love the awareness I have now, building my connection and love for myself.
I loved reading about your journey back to you Steffi and could really relate to ‘I have stopped playing different versions of me with different people’ which has been a game changer for me. Thank you for sharing and saying Yes to change.
A very insightful blog Steffi in which you share so much. I was reminded of how I used to be considered a very open, considerate and spontaneous person and none would have guessed I was in truth not letting people in. I was so outgoing that none could come close to me, a perfect strategy of protection and one that took Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon to make me see the truth of it. Now I am working, like you, on letting people in and letting my true love out. It is 1000 times better than the way it was before and there is more to come!
Thank you Steffi – I too lacked any sense of equality in the way I related to people and this kept us separate – it was as though I had a convenient block to keep people out and at a distance, or otherwise I allowed them in in a way that was very intense and unhealthy. It is beautiful to learn that as I let go of these needs to be a certain way to protect me from the world, the equality is deepening and evolving in a way that supports me to reach out.
There is a lot I relate to in your blog, Steffi. For me it is also an ever unfolding journey to be me without a shield and to trust that I am enough without doing anything. To let people in without them having to be a certain way that is safe for me. I even start to like the uncomfortable work of deconstructing the old because I identify less and less with those old ways.
Nothing should be placed before truth and love. We often do though place function and life before the very people in it and then we do this to ourselves. Thank you for sharing your beautiful unfoldment with everyone Steffi
A very honest sharing Steffi, I can very much relate to. It is lonely behind these walls of protection and I am very grateful too, that through the work with Serge Benhayon, I have been able to open up more and am continuously able to be more open with other people. Building true relationships and letting people into my heart, when meeting them, is the most beautiful and joyful experience, that I would not want to miss out on anymore.
Love your statements:
‘It doesn’t matter how far you have come, what matters is the decision to be aware and be honest with yourself and to say yes to a change. There is so much love inside me that wants to get out, holding it back does actually hurt more now than to release and express it towards others’.
I agree with you, we only need to start with one, the first step. Also feeling how awful it feels in my body to not express the love and truth inside is very helpful to let it all out.
Steffi, this is really very important to share – thank you for doing so. It has confirmed to me just what I have been experiencing in myself recently that many things I was doing was for recognition. The pain comes when the praise I had invested in doesn’t come, but your blog is a reminder that love is to come first and when we love ourselves deeply and focus on building love with ourselves, in our relationships and in everything that we do any need for recognition or praise does not feature.
Thank you for sharing your “silky-satiny SELF” with us in this gorgeous blog Steffi.
Very beautiful Steffi, I can very much relate, using my skills to get attention and be ‘Loved’ but not really connect with people for who they are, feeling better or less then someone is not the way, it makes indeed a very lonely existence of never feeling good enough. But the true way of being with people and see them as equals is amazing to learn and develop.
Great blog Steffi – this part in particular stood out for me “But it could not have been real connection, otherwise, I wouldn’t have felt so lonely inside.” I used to have the exact same feeling, only I had it when I was WITH people, becuase I never truly let them in. I didn’t have any idea what was going on or why, until I met Serge Benhayon and started to truly heal my deeply rooted issues and patterns.
Yes Eva, that is a good point you make. I know I have often felt lonely inside when with people. Being open and not keeping myself separate has helped. Also not waiting for others to make that first move, but reaching out first and making that connection stops all that angst and time wasting.
Building that love for ourself is so important. I like how you expressed Steffi that opening up to yourself, as I have often wondered how well I have really allowed myself to know me over the years as I have squeezed myself into a way of being. It is only in recent years I have had the revelations about who I naturally am, free from the expectations I have allowed to be placed on my shoulders. Great to read of your ever expanding self and your appreciation of this, very awesome.
Awesome Steffi I love how your fog lifted when you began to choose a different way. Is that all it takes (the fact that you can choose a different way)? I was not consciously aware there was not another way until my first workshop with Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon. Once I felt it and was presented with some tools to connect to a different source nothing stopped me from my dedication to ending the misery my life was in then. No, and never turning away from me again. My life and I are awesome, and there is more to live and go deeper with to the end of days!
I did this: “If you are the best, no one can touch you. You are on this pedestal of security, which is indeed not a safe place at all and is actually a very lonely place”. And yes it was extremely lonely.
Why do we hold back our love, when it’s the very thing we seek so desperately from others, all the while with all we have ever wanted actually within us, and love being our very essence. What an illusion. It’s really exposing to examine the pattern of holding back love, as if it is something to turn on and off like a switch depending on who we are with, and then metering it out like a miser. The worst thing to consider is how little I express this love to myself. A truly awesome blog, thankyou Steffi.
This is beautiful Steffi… the never-ending unfolding journey back to the love that we are and to letting ourselves be truly seen by others without the entrapments of protection is the most beautiful journey to take. It has certainly been raw for me at times, and challenging, but every step of the way has been absolutely worthwhile. It is like being a child again with all our playfulness and joy with arms out wide to everyone who comes our way. Still a work in progress, but as you so beautifully write, love is never-ending, there is always more, more depths to the love that we are coming through and being that love with others as well.
Thank you Steffi, it is beautiful to feel the silky-satiny You.
When we hold back ourselves, we hold back the world. It makes for one lonely ride. To open to others we need to open to ourselves. Your blog (and you!) are a great living example of how that is possible.
Great steffi! Thank you! You capture how awesome it is just to be the real you, the natural open gorgeous you, the you that is fully inspired with life and the you that has so much love to give. Deeply appreciate your ability to go there and celebrate just how awesome you are and bring this to the world.
The way you summed up that philosophy of “if you are best no-one can touch you” stood out strong to me. How crazy is it that we seem to pursue this position, when all we truly want is to be touched and held with care. We all know touch is super powerful innately. It awesome then to see today when everyone is touched in a loving way by your true quality Steffi.
Beautiful Steffi: the world is blessed by you opening your heart for yourself and for others. It is lovely to read your words. I appreciate also how you have shown the game of being on top to be naught but a ruse avoid connecting with others. Thank you.
Steffi, this is so very timely for me. The whole greater than, less than thing has been very prevalent in my life and I agree that …”what matters is the decision to be aware and be honest with yourself” ..never perfect always unfolding.
How can we expect to truly connect to others, if we are not at first connected within? Great Blog Steffi.
“If you are the best, no one can touch you.” Wow, I had never realised what underlies being the best is doing to those who end up living this way.
Steffi, I can completely relate to what you have shared here. The game of the pedastool – you’re either up on it or I am – either way, we won’t be standing side by side in true brotherhood; what a way to separate from ourselves and each other. What I love most about what you shared is from how you are now. I can feel the love that you have for yourself, yet there is no self in it – that is, it is not a selfish love. It is true love that shows how you love yourself, is how you love everyone equally. I also enjoyed your humility, in building the moments and not giving yourself a hard time in developing this. Really beautiful, thank you.
Amazing blog Steffi! Like you I had been stuck in comparing myself to others for many years and always felt lesser than other people. And then when I finally became ‘good’ at something I was praised and held up for that talent, and I felt on top of the world sometimes. But like you I mostly felt that loneliness inside as well as I was not connecting with anyone with my true self and was constantly hiding behind the achievements that I had made for myself. Since meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have discovered that by addressing that lonely feeling on the inside and letting go of comparing myself to others, I can see myself as truly equal to others, and the joy of sharing this with others is something I have been deeply missing for my whole life. Every day I work on feeling this equal-ness and expressing that true spark within me, and others get to benefit from that too, because it brings it out in them as well. I am so thankful and appreciative that I have come across the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal medicine so I could finally see that I CAN be honest in life and express my true feelings. Even though it may seem odd at first and a little abnormal to others, they start to appreciate it too when I am consistent.
Wow, this is absolute gold Steffi, thank you for opening up to everyone and sharing your perspective, this is one I relate to very much.
So very real and true Steffi, I can relate to this in many ways, especially this line – “I recently realised how easy I am around people now because I am more me and I am taking the space which I need.” This gives everybody around you permission to be more easy with themselves too so, making the way for equalness. I had never experienced this prior to studying with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and like you, it has changed my life in such lovely ways.
Steffi I love how you thank yourself because you ‘hopped on this journey which is not safe or secure and gives no attention or anything from the outside but brings you back to yourself.’ A beautiful gift to yourself.
Thank you Steffi I really related to your experience – and grew up in exactly the same way.
I now understand love, understand who I really am and also true equality. I too am thankful to Serge Benhayon and his family for this reflection.
I can relate to much of what you have written. What really stood out for me was “I chose this way”. I did too. I am so appreciative that so many people are sharing what they have learnt along the way especially Serge Benhayon who stood up first.
Thank you Steffi – there are many great awareness’s you have shared here. I love this one “…not being dependent on anything on the outside and needing no proof to feel good inside. “ This is gold! Needing no proof to feel good on the inside – this is a realisation that has touched the divine place within me. Thank you
Steffi, this struck a chord for me too. I can be inconsistent in how I am with people during the day which shows me that my connections are measured depending on how busy
I am, how tired I am or just how I am feeling. I am going to take this new awareness into my daily life and be more aware of how I am connecting to all those people I meet during the day.
Oh I was that lonely rider too Steffi, in that we are so alike… I kept people at a distance because then I would not get hurt…the truth was I was hurting myself because I was in relationship with no-one, including myself. I came to that important awareness by meeting Serge Benhayon, and like you I have much self appreciation for how amazing I feel today through all the consistent and loving choices I have made in my life with much more to come…
An Awesome sharing Steffi, one that so many of us can relate to. All of the games and roles that are played with and by others, it makes sense why we are so exhausted as a society. We are expending so much energy to be who we think we need/want to be, when all we have to do is, let go and let our true selves out.
” I have stopped playing different versions of me with different people.” this feels amazing. So liberating, I am aware of this too, at times I still catch myself, but I now have the awareness straight away to know this is not me, an ask myself what is going on here.
Thank you Steffi for this. Your story is the story of us all as we have all been confused with doing and being and what we think gives us love but is in fact only recognition. I have also been working on letting go of the false persona I showed to the world and deepening a loving relationship with myself. I now have a much more solid foundation in life and am not worried about exposing the fact that I am fragile and vulnerable. In this honesty there is a lot more strength, awareness, allowing and understanding of both myself and others.
Steffi an awesome blog, one that has deeply resonated within my body, not for finding success when I was young and using this as a way to keep people out, but choosing to be less. This is also the same game being played. If I allowed myself to be less, not good enough etc then this too creates a perfect (and very known, comfortable and chosen) way to keep people out and not allow them, or myself for that matter to fully accept and be seen in my full glory, all of me, the sweet, delicate and beautiful child and woman I now am. It’s all a game, and not an enjoyable one at that. It is such an amazing blessing to now have chosen, with the love, support and inspiration of Serge Benhayon, his family and Universal medicine, to be more aware and be able to feel all this, so I can let go, let me out and let the world in.
Beautiful to read Steffi. I can relate very much to what you are sharing, it is very easy to get caught up in recognising myself for what I do instead of adoring myself for who I am. I am learning as well that loving and appreciating myself just simply for who I am is allowed and that it is very nourishing to do.
Thank you Steffi for longer hiding the inner beauty that shines within you. We are all blessed when someone no longer hides their light for we are presented with a true way of being and thus inspiration to bring our own light out into this world that has been darkened by its absence.
I am going to keep on coming back to this blog, because every sentence I read I wanted to reflect on. It has so much to offer in terms of how I live my life, and it does so in such a beautiful and joyous way.
Yes being ‘better’ than or being ‘less’ than is a hard place to live. As you say there is never any equality with anyone. How can we have a true relationships with anyone when we feel like this. I love how you describe your journey back to yourself and appreciating what you have had all along hidden on the inside and now revealed in full glory.
A really great blog thanks Steffi and one which offers some deep points of reflection for us all.
It is something I am starting to grasp, that true success is simply being yourself nothing more. Even having the support of a very loving family and partner is not necessarily true success if we are not really being ourselves. Only with self-worth and genuine appreciation of who we are and being comfortable to live that every day can we say we are truly successful.
Beautiful Steffi, thank you – I only recently met you & can attest for the depth of love, openness, wisdom & inspiration that you are. Its a joy to see you shine so bright
Just beautiful Steffi, I relate to so much of what you share, feeling better than or less than another is no different really, it never fills the emptiness we are left with at the end of the day, one that is only ever filled by the love and essence of US… I love your line –
“It doesn’t matter how far you have come, what matters is the decision to be aware and be honest with yourself and to say yes to a change”, so true and one you have clearly made.
Steffi, a heartfelt thank you for writing this piece. It really brings home the power of being true to yourself and allowing that amazing love out, and by doing so that gorgeousness is reflected back to you. And yes satiny silky that you are!
Steffi you have clearly exposed the lonely games of competition and comparison, and shown how when we begin to love and honour ourselves, and feel the love within, there is no longer any competition, we can enjoy loving others. I am learning how beautiful this feels also, and heartfelt thanks to Serge Benhayon for leading the way.
‘Lonely games’ is such an apt phrase Bernadette. I echo too your thanks to Serge Benhayon for showing us how life can be without the games.
It’s crazy the games that we play. The trick that Steffi has done a lovely job exposing here, is to stop playing them by simply stopping trying and learning to be yourself again.
Steffi, I think that you have really touched a nerve with this blog! This paragraph is just so spot-on for me: “I recently realised how easy I am around people now because I am more me and I am taking the space which I need. I have stopped playing different versions of me with different people. It is beautiful to see how people react when they see me being open and vulnerable – it helps me to trust, that being ME is enough”.
Like lots of other British people, I have spent many years trying to find exactly where my position in society is. There are those you look up to and aspire to and there are those that you look down upon and it’s such a completely futile exercise, when all one needs to actually do is to connect with and be yourself.
So true Jonathan. The class system in Britain has fed this pattern of comparison. Always looking up or looking down on someone. This is something I used to do considerably, but as I am learning how to accept myself as I am I am more able to bring my true self to everyone and meet them as a fellow human being instead of someone who is labelled by class or identity. The most wonderful thing is that people usually respond by meeting me in the same way.
We’ve inherited something of that in Australia Jonathan, despite our supposed ‘fair go’ and ‘mateship’ attitudes. True equality – equalness – is seeing no one as more, or less, no matter their title, position or status, and it starts within ourselves. If I feel my worth and equalness, I’ll feel no less than the Queen and no more than the homeless guy – just the understanding there are different roles and identities we take on or occupy.
Spot on Jonathan when we have connected with and are being ourselves there is no looking up to or down upon anyone. There is only looking from a solid place within and what we receive is more in keeping with what is really going on and that is that there is a lot of hurt people playing these roles.
Thank you Steffi for your inspiring blog, beautiful to read of your journey of return, to your true silky-satiny SELF.
Steffi, I loved this description too of you returning to your true silky-satiny SELF.
An awesome and very beautiful article.
Awesome Steffi and so much that you’ve written I can relate to. The being more being less game is very familiar to me. All from security but o boy o boy when I did make a mistake it was the end of the world because the perfection I strived for was broken.
I experience the same “The more I become my true self and live that with other people, the more I receive freedom in myself.” I was and can be from time to time very tight in my skin because of this image of perfection but when I choose to connect back to me I feel the space and freedom in me.
I love that Annelies “very tight in my skin because of this image of perfection” that is such a great expression of what it is like for us to be held by images of what we should be like instead of accepting and loving ourselves just the way we are.
It is soo beautiful to read your blog, Steffi! The vulnerability, the depth and love that sparkles through your lines, the honesty in which you meet yourself and the will to move on. It is a precious gift to be able to read oneself so clearly. That is the best support to walk the path of return. You have done amazing and still do! And look: it’s been your choice! By free will you’ve let the seeking for security go and changed it to openness. You are a beautiful silk-satiny soul. I’ll always do my best to reflect to you what supports you to walk your way. And I am thankful for your reflection by writing this blog, that there is no need to keep a distance to people – that the key is to meet them and let them in.
Brilliant blog Steffi it just hit the nail on the head for me, spot on. This line really brought home to me it all starts with how we are with ourselves.’I started to open up towards people because I opened up to myself and built the love for, and inside, me.’ This is the foundation which allows us to love truly. thanks for a really heart opening read.
Such a beautiful blog, Steffi. I can relate to so much of what you have shared, but I oscillated from feeling better than to feeling less than, depending on who I was with. “The more I become my true self and live that with other people, the more I receive freedom in myself.” Gorgeous. Who wouldn’t want this?
Thank you Steffi for your honest account. It’s incredible how we go about a way in our lives where we fixate on receiving acceptant and love from others to make ourselves feel worthy. When we do this, we are always reliant on others for how we feel. As we learn to open up and build a loving relationship with ourselves, we feel our love from within and are not reliant on others to fulfil us.
I so loved reading your blog Steffi, i enjoyed sharing your journey and your honesty. I could relate to keeping people out and especially the the false confidence of thinking that if I am the best, then no one can touch me… and I can feel the arrogance that comes with this because no one will ask me to be more…ouch! and how comfortable this is?…..no one to rattle my cage or push my buttons. I love the fact that there is never an end point to love, just an appreciation of where you are now and the forever deepening of that love.
The more I be my loving self, confirm this and accept that I am this love,not the what is not me that I am familiar with, the more I am able to express this to others and this love feeds back to me and again confirms that I am love.
Marylouise- I love the simplicity of how you have expressed” being love” and the power of it.-
“The more I be my loving self, confirm this and accept that I am this love,not the what is not me that I am familiar with, the more I am able to express this to others and this love feeds back to me and again confirms that I am love.”
Beautifully and succinctly expressed Mary-Louise, this is so true.
Very very cool journey Seffi, its great to see how far you have come but also that you are not standing still and know the journey is nowhere near complete.
“say yes to a change” – YES!
…thats easily said (or written ; )), but we have to live it, live the changes, as you said Steffi, giving up on old patterns and opening up for people.
‘what matters is the decision to be aware and be honest with yourself and to say yes to a change’ This for me speaks volumes. Thank you Steffi
Beautiful Steffi, thank you for your openness and honesty. I can identify very well with the belief that being good at something makes one worthy of being loved. I found my way in life in the same way but in truth this approach brings in competition and oneupmanship which destroys true relationships, as we make life about being better than one another rather than being equal. Serge Benhayon is the first person I had ever met who didn’t rely on or even pay any attention to the things we are good at. He reflected back to me, as he does to everyone, that we are worthy of being loved just for who we are. We all deserve tenderness and love because we are all worth cherishing, not because of what we do but because it is our innate nature. I love this sentence because it is something that I too have come to realise “It doesn’t matter how far you have come, what matters is the decision to be aware and be honest with yourself and to say yes to a change.” Saying Yes to change is the most important choice we can make and once made, one that we will never regret and the changes you have made in your life are true evidence of this.
A great blog Steffi… I recognise your words, “so for my whole life I thought that I had to do things, to be special or produce good results to be loved.” I now know that all the love I have ever craved is inside me, all I need to do is to connect to it. There is a richness I feel now, which years ago would never have dreamt of it being there. The joy is in knowing that if this it what I feel like now, just how much deeper and richer it will be as I keep developing and letting go of all that is not the real me.
Beautiful expression Steffi. Your evolution is a great example for many people who are successful and still uneasy looking for something they don´t find. Your recently found and ever expanding openness is a privilege to see. I love the phrase: “I started to open up towards people because I opened up to myself and built the love for, and inside, me”
Wow, Steffi, I love this line: “The more I become my true self and live that with other people, the more I receive freedom in myself.”. Awesome blog, which inspires to really look into our own essence and connect to the love that is there. I too, used to believe I needed to do something or even look a certain way in order to be worthy of love. I know and feel different now, – it’s all about that deep connection in ourselves first, like you put it: “I opened up to myself and built the love for, and inside, me.”
So beautiful Steffi. I found myself nodding as I was reading as I relate well to what you share here. It is amazing to connect with people from the love of who we are as opposed to feeling we have to be something, do something or need something from them. We are just able to be and allow others to be and it frees us all as there is no imposition or expectation. An awesome sharing Steffi, thank you.
Great awareness Steffi and your words had me have a good look at the way I am relating to myself and others. This was a great ‘check-in’ for me as I realised how much more at ease I am with myself and others. The need to be ‘good’ at everything to gain attention and therefore ‘be happy’ is just not there anymore. Awesome.
Thank you Steffi, this amazing journey exposes how the desire and drive for success, achieving, being the best etc. is far from a loving way of being. What happens when we get the success? We just want more or we’ve totally separated from others and are left feeling empty. Being honest and choosing to see what we are really feeling can be very awkward and uncomfortable, but what you have shared shows it is totally worth it, there is a more precious form of success to be celebrated…
Thank you Steffi for your truly gorgeous sharing. You write: “Words can´t even describe how grateful I am – I thank deeply from my heart Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and all of his family who reflect to me the truth and the love within that I was always looking for” I completely agree and as a double delight that divine reflection is quite infectious (if we allow it) so now you and me and hundreds of others are also starting to reflect it 😉
A great article Steffi showing what a lonely place that pedestal is and the uncertainty and nervous energy spent on “It can’t be that I oscillate only between feeling better than anyone or lesser, without any equality”. Serge Benhayon has inspired me to accept and know everyone as equal and to love them and myself for being who we are.
I can totally relate Steffi to making myself less in the past with the people that really mattered to me, now I see people as an inspiration and if any old patterns try to play out I am quick to feel that they are there and choose another way of being. There is nothing great about feeling less of who I am or falsely making myself better- it is far truer and joyful to just be ME!
It is so liberating to let go of acceptance and recognition and just get to love ourselves for who we are, which is, as you discovered Steffi, really amazing and gorgeous. And now you share this true expression of who you are with everyone you meet – and the world is blessed by the beauty of another claimed woman.
Thanks Steffi awesome writing, connection to yourself makes life so much easier
Thank you, Steffi, for this open, clear and inspiring writing. From the struggle and inconsistencies in your relationship with life, I feel the spaciousness of your choices now and the endless opportunities your openness presents.
I know well all those queries about life not making sense, and that since meeting Serge Benhayon and working with Universal Medicine my experience and relationship with life and humanity has changed beyond recognition – having now a purpose that makes sense and is not driven by a need/demand for recognition or acceptance from others.
Matilda, yes I too feel that my relationship with life and humanity has changed deeply so. I too feel there is a purpose to life that is making so much sense to me. I am loving the strength I feel in surrendering to who I am and the love for humanity that I hold within me that supports me in taking responsibility for being one who brings love back into a world that has lived (existed) without it, yet yearning for it at the same time.
Thank you Steffi, your blog is amazing and I am blown away by the depth of honesty and sharing you have gone to in this piece. It is a huge healing to all who read it.
Thank you Steffi for your beautiful blog.
“I started to open up towards people because I opened up to myself and built the love for, and inside, me.” Love starts with us – awesome 🙂
Thanks for sharing this beautiful unfoldment of the true you Steffi… one I can relate to in many ways. Whether it was perfectionism in my craft as a tradesmen or later success in business mattered not, underlyingly it was all the same in that I became identified by it and used the attention and recognition to mask and hide the real and sensitive me and thereby relieve the tension of being around people. Through the work of Serge Benhayon I eventually discovered that without true awareness, self love and connection, being highly skilled or successful at anything can actually become an entrapment. Letting go of the false identities, opening up and letting people in takes time, courage and commitment but what eventually emerges is so deeply beautiful it makes all the uncomfortable work of deconstructing the old so very worthwhile.
Absolutely Rob and Steffi – it can work so much against us when we become very good at what we can DO – the reason it works against is because the doing becomes the focus rather than the who we are, the being of ourselves. This is the trap – to excel at what we do at the expense of our connection to self and others. But thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I too can say that I have come a long way in letting go of this form of identification and am so much more embracing of myself and who I am. No perfection here of course, as Steffi has said it is a work in progress with ever deepening layers to discard and ever deepening layers to let out.
‘This is the trap – to excel at what we do at the expense of our connection to self and others.’ Beautiful awareness Henrietta, thank you.
Yes our abilities and talents can be such an easy way to get recognition, acceptance and approval but may never really satisfy that emptiness underneath and always at the expense of connection to self and others.
A big trap indeed Henrietta. While we focus on the “doing” and the busy-ness of being efficient in what we do, we loose sight of ourselves. Crazy.
Thank you Steffi Rob and Henrietta, I agree life is definitely about the being connected to our inner-most.
Henrietta, I got lost in the doing and forgot about me, thinking that what I did was far more important then who I was. Forgetting that what I did was my expression of all that I am.
Beautifully expressed Rob, and totally in agreement; the journey of return to the love inside is so very worth it, even with all the discomfort felt in clearing out old habits and patterns of behaviour that no longer serve on one’s new path.
Well said Rob, I can relate in a very similar way.
I can really relate you what you have both shared here Steffi and Rob. How content I am with myself when left completely alone follows me around and acts as my platform, my template of interacting with others. I would say I am far from perfect but, to be honest, striving to be perfect or to constantly get attention and favouritism from those from whom I have deemed I want praise is too tense and far too stressful, with goal posts that forever move. Building a platform for myself based on a quality of love has- while not an easy ride – likewise been well worth the work to date and continuing. Not only does this work on my own platform support myself, it gives others a chance to see how we can interact with each other without the competition, comparison and/or judgements and investments that we think we need in our lives to survive and get by. Thank you.
Absolutely Leigh – the way we our with ourselves sets a template and foundation for all relationships and interactions that occur. I wonder then what a truly loving self-relationship would constellate.
Beautifully said Rob.
Yes. In full agreement with all of you. I was a master of life and was living it so seemingly successfully and efficiently. But it was all for the outside. Through my relationship with, and deep commitment to, Universal Medicine and the Way of the Livingness, I have radically shifted the way I live, express and am. And now, much more of the time, but certainly not all, my choices and expressions are made from me, a me that already knows me, a me that doesn’t need recognition or results to know me….and a me that actually always was a master of life.
I agree Otto but I must admit at the time I was “living it so seemingly successfully and efficiently” I thought I had made it. But there was always this underlying tension and fear that I was always going to lose ‘it’ or a wondering of how to hang onto the ‘success’ and that it was going to go away unless I found out quickly. It was like while I was happy in the success I knew deep down it wasn’t going to last and while I had this moment, the next moment it could be all taken away. This for me was a continual signal that something needed to change because I hated that feeling but there was nothing else in the world that was able to support me to feel and make ‘that’ change. As you say Otto, enter Universal Medicine and while they didn’t give me answers they gave me support to make the changes I had already knew I had to make but just couldn’t get there. Now I am living a more solid life and not looking for success but I am far more successful than I have ever been. Universal Medicine ‘turned’ my life around by supporting me to look at myself and my responsibility to the life I was faced with and this stopped me looking outside at things that truly had never worked but had just given me a moment of relief.
Yes Ray it is such a false belief of the searching for and striving for having ‘made it’. It’s like you are chasing something and then as you say, living with the angst of losing it – a great way to perpetuate stress in your life.
I can really relate to what you have written here Raymond, ‘But there was always this underlying tension and fear that I was always going to lose ‘it’ or a wondering of how to hang onto the ‘success’ and that it was going to go away unless I found out quickly.’ I was busy with work and from the outside it all looked great, but there was a constant tension because with the freelance work I was doing there was the saying ‘you are only as good as your last job’, I remember always thinking the work may end, they would find someone better etc.. After attending Universal Medicine courses and becoming aware of my lack of self worth and working on healing this, I now actually enjoy my work and deal with work situations practically rather than going into all the stress and worry around it.
So true Rebecca, that a lot of my source of tension comes from trying to maintain all the different versions of me I think that different people want. There is great relief and natural ease in just being me and that being enough in fact is more than enough.
I think we can all relate to constantly searching outside of ourselves to fill the emptiness we feel inside, I know this very well. Likewise Raymond, Serge Benhayon has been a huge support in me stopping all my searching on the outside, supporting me to see that I am enough exactly as I am and that everything I need is inside me.
I love that Otto, the way you are committing to your own way of the livingness, the inside to the out, and how different it is from the other way, the outside to the in. The depth of feeling in the former is tangible, coming from the true you, whereas the latter feels like coping, organising, keeping control.
Well said Rob…. it’s so very worthwhile!
I fully agree Rob, it is an entrapment so many of us fall into and then find so hard to let go of. The comfortable yet uncomfortable lifestyle that we entrench ourselves in.
Rob, your comment is beautifully and clearly expressed, and is spot-on. thank you.
Yes Rob, I too have found it can be a long and winding road back to our true selves but well worth the journey. And those moments of true connection, no matter how fleeting are so divine that they become the inspiration, the light at the end of the tunnel, that forever call us back.
What you said Jeannette about a long and winding road back to our true selves resonates with me and I agree, it is definitely worth the journey to find the light at the end of the tunnel.
Yes Lorraine, and the beautiful thing is that the journey back to our true self is never ending. As soon as we exit one tunnel there is another tunnel waiting for us with an even brighter light at the end!
Yes those moments of true connection are so inspiring that even if we are not in one at a particular moment, eg during things like car crashes, they can bring us back and let us see the bigger picture!
Very true Rob, the immense changes I have made in my life since meeting Serge Benhayon has indeed been very worthwile.
well said Rob, what we call success can be the biggest trap as we can hide and defend by identifying by what we do and present to the world. True success is when we can honestly feel the self love and connection of the amazing beings that we are and how we share and present this quality of being to others.
True success is being your real self.
Its that easy, well said Dean.
I agree with you Dean, my only and greatest success was finding my real self. Everything else pales into insignificance.
What else really is there other than being your true self?
What a great one liner Dean!
Imagine how different the world would be if we were all taught that.
Dean, it’s an amazing thing to contemplate and I totally agree with you that the vast majority of the world is a million miles from that. But I would say that we now don’t have to ‘imagine’. Because we now have living, breathing, working, connecting, expressing and inspiring examples of individuals, relationships and communities that are living their true selves and thus we can see how very different the world is, when that is the case. We know. We don’t have to imagine. I know exactly what you meant and I’m taking your comment off on a different tangent (hope you don’t mind?!) – but I feel it’s important that we don’t put it in an unobtainable glass jar, out of reach of all. Our future (past) is now. It’s happening.
Yes Otto true we now have people living the real thing – no need to imagine. And this is the truth about Universal Medicine… they have presented a way of living that actually, truly works, and there are thousands of examples.
There are thousands of examples and many more to come, as long as we all choose to be and live our true self and reflect back to the world that there is another way to live, that is the way of the livingness. Living a life from you inner heart and living it in the fullness of you.
Such a life is available to all with no exceptions.
Yes, and everyone recognizes the truth of being yourself, even when they are unaware of what they feel in someone who presents that simplicity, they nevertheless know it and are reminded that they every time can make the same choice.
Yes being yourself is infectious.
Completely agree, there is success and then there is true success. It is easy to get caught in the glamour of success, which will be the biggest trap. It is when we can connect to the true success that matters.
Beautifully said Rob. For years signs of success equated with qualifications, job roles, other accomplishments. It is breathtaking to discover it has little to do with the outer and all to do with my relationship with myself.
Great comment Rob and I completely agree. This has been my experience also.
I agree Rob, the uncomfortable is way worth it when you come out less trapped in the beliefs of what you think you should be instead of just being yourself. I’m not claiming to be a master but I have a commitment to feeling that uncomfortable as best as I can.
For me a certain kind of feeling uncomfortable has become a great marker for situations where before I would have tried to manipulate myself away from the fact that there was something coming up inside that deserves to be looked at and cleared. It is a certain strong feeling of resistance, like knowing that something is wrong and won’t work, but stamping your foot and saying “But I want this!”. When this happens I now can easily smile and stop as I know it for the game this is.
That is huge Michael, to be honest when we feel this way and being open to look at what is coming up instead of trying to ‘save our face’. I used to hate blushing, now I find it quite an adventure, even though it’s quite uncomfortable at times. For me it feels at it’s the light within reaching to shine out. And who am I to stop that!
Totally agree Rod for me there is nothing greater than putting in the effort to heal and let people back in.
There is so much support there if only I connect to who I truly am and allow others in to feel that.
Yes Simone there is nothing more beautiful than to open up and to let people in!!! Deeply healing this process is.
Thanks Rob and Steffi these are very inspiring and encouraging words.
So true Rob. Deconstructing the old is so worthwhile.
Beautifully expressed Rob. Letting who we are truly emerge, dropping our guards, but letting people in without protection does take time and does require honesty and commitment, and it is the most amazing thing to commit to…. Nothing matches the joy that is felt when we are simply being who we truly are.
I often feel (ab)used and hurt when I sense that someone approaches me because they recognise my skills/talents and want to take advantage of that. Your sharing has really helped me to understand that they are just reflecting how I am not accepting and appreciating who I truly am. Thank you, Steffi.
Thank you Steffi for sharing your story, we often do not even realize we are keeping people at a distant, I for one was not aware if this. My life has changed profoundly after meeting Serge Benhayon and hearing his teachings, as you I am much more me and appreciating myself for who I am without the constant need for recognition. It’s the most amazing thing to feel the beauty and diviness I have always carried within me and living from that!
Thank you so much Steffi Henn for opening up and choosing love and now presenting the true silky-satiny of yourself in full.
I deeply relate to pleasing others and looking outside of myself for love. It seems this is all we were ever presented with. When some one like Serge Benhayon comes along and reminds you of the love that is within you already it’s a real life changer, especially wading back through all the momentums we were previously living. Your insight, honesty and expression is gorgeous. Thankyou
Absolutely awesome read Steffi and with some small changes, I could have written this about myself. Thank you for your beautiful expression and for sharing with us your developing relationship with yourself!
Thank you Steffi for sharing your experience of the ways in which you have held back from true relationship in life, and the freedom in which you now feel.
“There will never be an end point of love and I appreciate where I am at now, looking forward to more deepening.” This is a profound thing to truly appreciate as we are consistently learning and presented with new evolving choices to make, never to better who we are but to return to who we always have been.
Awesome blog Steffi, I loved reading every word. When we learn to reconnect to ourselves and our love within we no longer need to search for it outside of us. We have been taught to seek for love and connection from others when in fact we must first develop love and connection with ourselves. Once we fully connect with our inner love it naturally flows outwards. We no longer feel empty or not enough but feel full, full of joy, love, stillness, harmony and truth. When we accept that all of this is already within us there is nothing to stop us from connecting to it, so it is always our choice to connect or disconnect.
Steffi, I am deeply touched by your article and can relate to trying to build a life based on talents and achievements to cover the feeling that I was not good enough. Like you it is a process of building appreciation and love for whom I truly am underneath that false identity of not good enough. Ahhh but so worth it to feel my true velvety self!
As I read your article Steffi, I reflected on how extraordinary your story is along with the many hundreds of other extraordinary stories that have been shared on this and other associated blogs.
And the common denominator for these remarkable transformations in people’s lives has been Serge Benhayon. Serge inspires by example in the way he lives his life. He shows us that there is a way to live a healthy, fulfilling, productive and satisfied life without the need for recognition, stimulation or unnecessary distraction.
The proof is throughout these pages.
“The proof is in these pages”. You are spot on Rod, the common denominator in all the amazing blogs, like this one of Steffi’s, and all the comments that are being made, is Serge Benhayon. It is the inspiration that comes from what he presents, and more importantly, how he lives what he presents, that has been behind the transformations of so many people around the world. Why would anyone want to ignore the possibility that there is another more loving way to live?
‘I thought that I had to do things, to be special or produce good results to be loved.’ – I have played this game many times but I have realized now that this is not the way.
“It doesn’t matter how far you have come, what matters is the decision to be aware and be honest with yourself and to say yes to a change” This is just gorgeous Steffi and the opportunities here are constant for there is much to unlearn.
Steffi I love this blog. I’ve always strived to be good at something so other’s would say wow you’re good at whatever it was. I never really had a natural talent at anything in particular (there’s always someone who’s more skilled at something than I).
I’d noticed being good at something got you talked about in adoring terms and from this I’d grown up believing that having a talent meant you were in someway divine: God had chosen you to have this gift and you were ‘special’ because of it. This talent was your link to God and to your own divinity. It was also why I would adore a chap because they were good at something – be it surfing or art!
Until now I hadn’t fully realised that it was connecting to my divinity, other’s divinity and God that I was missing when I tried to be good at something or was revering a person based on how good they were at something. I can fully appreciate how lonely we will be if we lose our connection to ourselves because we are only focusing on what we do. This is so different to being who we are and doing what ever it is we do whilst being connected with our divinity.
So true Karin, when we’re not connected to ourselves we seem to need an endless procession of ‘Heroes and role-models’ which in effect just highlights our own ‘apparent’ inadequacies and makes us feel even more discontented.
This is gorgeous Steffi, It’s lovely to read a blog by you knowing the fun, loving, amazing person you are and I can totally relate to all you have expressed. We have been offered so much through Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine – it really has been life changing!
As for me as well this is an ever deepening process and I to feel that there is no finish line anymore – the development with keep going and going and going and that’s how it is! I love that life and development is this way because it keeps us growing, learning, responding, focussed, dedicated and never caps our potential of where we can go. From the other side of the world I say hey Steffi, I’m looking forward to crossing paths again in the future.
“Not being dependent on anything on the outside and needing no proof to feel good on the inside.” I love this sentence Steffi. The simplicity of surrendering to my love deep inside has also supported me to feel this and to allow the wisdom and understanding to nominate when and where I have fallen for that need of playing the ‘less than’ ‘better than’ game, which is such a trap. I am grateful that I can now see it for what it is and choose to cut it whenever it appears in my life.
Thank you Steffi. I can relate to much of what you said and the feeling less than or greater than for whatever reasons I conjured up at the time. Today it is the loveliest feeling to be with, part of and connected to everyone equally, to let people in & to more deeply love them… Have certainly not perfected this and am still developing but it feels beautiful to be well and truly on that path. It is true…feels very silky. It feels very harmonious, very confirming of the loveliness we all are.
Serge Benhayon has delivered a true way of living, a universal way, hence a way that no one can dispute (without lies). You only have to watch babies, toddlers and some children interact to see that being as one harmonious humanity and loving equally is our very natural way. This does not mean imposing on others or ourselves of how people should be to fit in, be better etc but of respecting “free will” (as taught by many great philosophers over time) where people develop in their own timing, for everyone needs their own time and space to do so and the more we live from that truly loving silky place, the greater the chance everyone will get to that too and more.
‘The more I become my true self and live that with other people, the more I receive freedom in myself.’ Truer words have never been spoken Steffi. This is my experience also and I find that as I live this it allows others to be free to choose the same for themselves.
I totally relate, this was me also, shine in enough areas and that’s enough to fool the world into believing that I’m doing well whilst on the inside I am feeling the disconnection, the inability to truly connect to others, I was trapped, couldn’t work it out!
It’s taken a lot of self loving and trust to discard the old patterns of doing to get recognition and be able to accept and trust that I am not what I do. The Glory I feel now is so expanding and powerful … as I see it in myself I see it in others.
How blind I was to the all that I am.
‘enough to fool the world…’ – this feels so spot on – I always felt it was just a question of time until everyone found out I was a fraud and that what I presented on the outside was so miles away from what was going on inside. I realise now that this is a ‘game’ many of us are colluding in.
Through the work of Universal Medicine I have come to understand and incorporate into my life that opening up to others and life is our true strength and the way forward if we truly want to see change. Thank you, Merrilee and Steffi.
Hi Steffi, thanks for your awesome blog! I really like how you have honestly exposed what I have done in the past.. made myself better than another as a way of protection. It is awful to feel that we need to be better than another to be someone or to be accepted.
It is so not needed as we are all awesome in our own unique ways, and when we live that, we inspire others to live their unique awesome ways too.
Hi Steffi, I love what you have so honestly shared here. Although I took the opposite course and played ‘the less than’ game it was all for the same reasons – to be loved by others. Making others feel good about themselves by me playing small guaranteed an acceptance from others as I was not challenging them to be more. I know now through Universal Medicine that it all came from a lack of acceptance of myself.
I love this. . . “It doesn’t matter how far you have come, what matters is the decision to be aware and be honest with yourself and to say yes to a change”. This is a super important point that you have made as change is a continual grown for we can never stay the same as this would bring stagnation.
Awesome – Kathleen I know this well the less card to not disturb people..but now I know that this brings harm to another. To be less than who I am hurts me as well and knowing that being all of me may feel uncomfortable at first and weird but I want people to know the real me now – because the real me is beautiful, powerful and very wise.
So true Simone. It is a hard thing to realise that by playing small we are actually harming others. I play this game to but increasingly it is becoming harder and harder to play.
Wow. Blows out of the water all that we commonly hold as the pinnacle of success – and offers amazing insight as to what’s really going on, and the richness that’s possible instead if we let ourselves see through it all and start really living – from connection. Beautiful blog Steffi.
I love this Kate… The richness that is possible when we step off the platform of comparison and start truly living.
I absolutely love it Steffi, so many gems, thank you. “It doesn’t matter how far you have come, what matters is the decision to be aware and be honest with yourself and to say yes to a change.” ~ Humbling. Yes I also completely agree that it is “a very lonely place” to shut people out of our lives, especially when in truth, all we want to do is let them in. I agree, it hurts A LOT.
Hello Steffi. I know exactly what you mean!! That yoyo trip of feeling better than someone and then less than someone. I too knew it was not IT. But it took the love of Serge Benhayon and his family to show me that equality with all is the way for everyone to rise and rise some more.
‘yoyo trip’ – what a great image for the madness and instability of living at the mercy of our perceived triumphs and successes as compared to others. And yes the example that Serge Benhayon presents of the power of living openly and equally alongside others is an inspiration for us all – one that is not out of reach or unattainable either – a life that can be lived by our simple choice to drop the guard and pretence and step into humanity honestly.
Hear hear Matilda
Exactly Gayle, my experience too, it always felt so empty no matter what I achieved. Serge Benhayon is a saviour for myself and many more, leading by true inspiration.
Rise and rise some more….
Leaving the comparison behind. Thanks Gayle.
Steffi what a gorgeous blog that I feel many people can relate to. Your sharing on how amazing it feels not being reliant on anything outside of you to feel your true self really resonated with me. Thank you.
Wow Steffi, I can absolutely relate to this blog, especially “If you are the best, no one can touch you.” Was basically my whole action plan to life, and how you clearly presented the false sense of security it supplies, was a beautiful reflection for me to confirm that it isn’t the way for me anymore.
Thank you for sharing
‘…brings me back to my true silky-satiny SELF.’ What a cool way to describe yourself Steffi!
I loved that too Elodie it made me smile! I loved reading this blog.
Loved this line too…feels so tangible, real and true. Inspiring blog Steffi!
An absolutely brilliant and spot on blog Steffi.
I love the observation that you make that when you are ‘best’ no one asks you to be more – so you are stuck in a cul-de-sac, with the possibility of oscillating between being the ‘best’ or ‘not the best’ – this futile rhythm keeps you occupied in this ‘up and down’ motion, draining all that precious divine energy in a pointless, doubtful existence. When in reality we could deepen and grow, express our talents in service to the all and bring on dimensions of relationship and loving that know no bounds and no bonds. Thank you for this really great blog.
Well said Lyndy. And the best or the not as best is never the truth.
This is beautiful Steffi. I really loved the line “There is so much love inside me that wants to get out, holding it back does actually hurt more now than to release and express it towards others.” I have so felt this too and it is a great reminder to me to keep expressing love always and keeping life about people first. Thank you for your reflection today.
“Seven years ago I met Serge Benhayon and, although my defences and clever coping strategies did not disappear instantly, he presented to me a different way, which I could choose to be, or not.
I chose this way.”
Steffi I absolutely loved reading this blog and could relate to so much of what you shared. The sentences above really moved me. When I read them I feel warm, my body surrenders and I feel completely safe. I “chose this way” too and I am so glad I did.
Me too and I also love this sentence as it highlights that Serge Benhayon always presents for another to make their own choice.
Gorgeously said Leonne.