True Responsibility

I spent most of my childhood and much of my life feeling overwhelmed and burdened by what I thought was true ‘responsibility’. In the culture and family environment I was born into, responsibility was all about family first and taking care of everyone else’s needs before my own. This constant focus on others’ needs first is what I believed true responsibility to be.

Growing up, strong expectations were placed upon me both as a girl and as the eldest child in a family of five sisters. My father and mother worked all day on the family farm and would set tasks for me each day, including looking after my younger siblings.

At the age of four, I found myself a prime carer for two younger sisters, changing nappies and feeding them, and being fully responsible for their care until my parents came back from work. As I got older I had to ensure that the housework was done, and the family’s meals were prepared – all on top of my day at school!

If something had not been done ‘the right way’ or even when others misbehaved, I was made to take full responsibility and as the oldest was made the example – being punished regardless of what the situation was and who was truly at fault.

In this environment I became overwhelmed with a sense of always being responsible for everyone else and with no self worth. I lived in constant anxiety and fear of what could go wrong next. Physically, my body ached and I could not sleep at night. I felt trapped, and in the hardest times, I would go to a place where I felt safe and just cry.

As a result of feeling like nothing I did seemed to be good enough, I became someone obsessed with doing everything ‘right’, a perfectionist in my work, the way I lived and everything I did.

I found myself in a constant state of stress, setting ever-higher standards for myself in completing every job, something I took well into my adult years. When I had a family of my own, all of these patterns and behaviours just intensified. I was an extremely nervous person, always needing to control what went on with everyone in the family, and also in my workplace.

I suffered from depression, and reached a point where I did consider suicide. I was chronically exhausted, overwhelmed, often angry, and constantly unwell.

It was not until I came to the work of Universal Medicine at age 54, and began attending workshops presented by Serge Benhayon, that I began to get a sense of what responsibility truly is. Finally here was a man who made so much sense!

Through Serge’s teachings and the Universal Medicine workshops I have attended, I have come to truly understand that true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost.

As the realisations dawned, that I had chosen to be responsible for everyone and everything around me first, I felt I had made a mess of not only my life, but that of all of my family members. Always helping everyone and fixing things had made me feel good about myself, and needed. It was a way of avoiding the deep hurt I still felt from my childhood.

It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.

And so from applying what I learnt from attending Universal Medicine courses, I made a choice to be responsible for myself first. This point marked a ‘turn-around’ in my life. Holding my behaviours in such loving understanding allowed things to change. I am still learning, but I now have tools to work with every day.

Being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels is the key to no longer harming self or others through the controlling behaviours I’d lived by.

I find I am so much kinder to myself and that the need for perfectionism is, amazingly, loosening its hold. I notice this in the way I work and deal with even the smallest of things every day.

Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given. And, it is a gift I give to myself. I do not blame my parents for all that happened, as they did not know any better. What reflection did they have of what true responsibility really is? I feel they did the best they could.

Responsibility is beautiful.

I truly love being me, knowing in my heart that I am committed to making loving choices from which I can learn and grow. To have let go of the hurt has opened up so much joy in my life. At age 60, I have never felt better. I live life feeling pretty amazing every day, and rejoice in knowing and living true responsibility as a beautiful blessing.

Thank you Serge Benhayon, for reflecting how beauty-full it is to be truly responsible.

By Kathy Avram, Melbourne, Australia

Further reading:
The Importance of Self Responsibility
True Change: Self-responsibility Inspired by Universal Medicine

1,539 thoughts on “True Responsibility

  1. It was so great to read this blog again. It reminded of something I currently am experiencing. The overwhelm, that constant anxiety but also that feeling that I’ve done something wrong or missed something, feels quite ancient, whilst in this new work role. The hardness and hard time I’m giving myself is full on too.

    What I really appreciate is that years ago I would have struggled on my own, but now since meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I have so many resources to support me through this wave. I’m suddenly not an expert in this new position, but how I deal with what’s been set up at work is being received differently to I how I used to be years ago.

    These ancient impositions are annoying in one respect, but also a revelation that another thing that doesn’t belong is truly freeing too.

    I’m completely not out of the woods yet as I face more and more each day at work. However, I know one thing, I have an army of friends that are constantly supporting me, whether they are physically with me or not.

  2. When I read this, it made me realise how we spend wasted energy on taking on other peoples stuff. And I hear you about the burden and over whelm with a current situation that’s playing out in my work environment. It’s an uncaring situation and as you so rightly stated, ‘true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost’. Taking on someone else’s, is just not on and this is how the world runs, businesses, families, relationships and the list could go on.

    Wanting to be perfect is within all of us, it plays out in some format, or the alternative is completely the opposite. We can only do our bit/part in any situation and the rest can take care of itself. We are not responsible for others, only ourself’s. Now what would the world look like if we all played our part in everything?

    1. I’m learning more and more that responsibility begins with you first and observing how others are, is just the constant playground we live in.

      1. Hi Shushila
        Thank you for your response
        What I feel is the more we work and live our true responsibility with what we bring in our each day choices support us to observe and bring what is needed and hold the space to express and move in a quality that is equally for the all without judgment but in the whole of the All

  3. Kathy what you have shared in this blog is gold and in so many ways you have learned about commitment to life and practical aspects of life which is invaluable. But for you to have understood and developed true responsibility and the claiming of yourself is an amazing example that all of us can be inspired by in so many ways.

  4. Depression goes hand in hand with exhaustion – it can be a physical exhaustion or a mental exhaustion – but in the end in some way we have given ourselves away and from there depression comes. Most of us have experienced being tired and grumpy and knowing that when we are tired then nothing seems as much fun, and when you then continue this over a period of time and then it just increases in intensity. This is just a small taster of depression for one night’s sleep does not correct it. Only deep self care and love and replenishment applied consistently over time does.

    1. This is the world’s disease and the more I understand life, not fully, the more I realise that no one is living what we perceived to be a perfect life. Exhaustion running their life’s, with anxiety fuelling it in the background.

      Self care is the key, and it is the one that is about you and not what the world portrays self care to be.

  5. This is really interesting to consider as I had not seen it like this before, and yet this is such a common expectation of responsibility: “This constant focus on others’ needs first is what I believed true responsibility to be.”

  6. Quite simply the more hurt we let go of the more real stuff like true love and multiple dimensional awareness we can let in.

  7. When we commit to making truly loving choices our lives can be turned around for ever. A loving choice gives the body space to breath and the heart an opportunity to expand.

  8. Thank you Kathy, I was appreciating the sense of joy your words communicated about discovering true responsibility, and it is, lovingly caring for ourselves first as we move about our day. It’s an enormous history of abuse you have experienced to resurrect out of, and it’s a testament to both the care that Universal Medicine offer, and to your own willingness to heal, that you now live in true responsibility.

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