True Responsibility

I spent most of my childhood and much of my life feeling overwhelmed and burdened by what I thought was true ‘responsibility’. In the culture and family environment I was born into, responsibility was all about family first and taking care of everyone else’s needs before my own. This constant focus on others’ needs first is what I believed true responsibility to be.

Growing up, strong expectations were placed upon me both as a girl and as the eldest child in a family of five sisters. My father and mother worked all day on the family farm and would set tasks for me each day, including looking after my younger siblings.

At the age of four, I found myself a prime carer for two younger sisters, changing nappies and feeding them, and being fully responsible for their care until my parents came back from work. As I got older I had to ensure that the housework was done, and the family’s meals were prepared – all on top of my day at school!

If something had not been done ‘the right way’ or even when others misbehaved, I was made to take full responsibility and as the oldest was made the example – being punished regardless of what the situation was and who was truly at fault.

In this environment I became overwhelmed with a sense of always being responsible for everyone else and with no self worth. I lived in constant anxiety and fear of what could go wrong next. Physically, my body ached and I could not sleep at night. I felt trapped, and in the hardest times, I would go to a place where I felt safe and just cry.

As a result of feeling like nothing I did seemed to be good enough, I became someone obsessed with doing everything ‘right’, a perfectionist in my work, the way I lived and everything I did.

I found myself in a constant state of stress, setting ever-higher standards for myself in completing every job, something I took well into my adult years. When I had a family of my own, all of these patterns and behaviours just intensified. I was an extremely nervous person, always needing to control what went on with everyone in the family, and also in my workplace.

I suffered from depression, and reached a point where I did consider suicide. I was chronically exhausted, overwhelmed, often angry, and constantly unwell.

It was not until I came to the work of Universal Medicine at age 54, and began attending workshops presented by Serge Benhayon, that I began to get a sense of what responsibility truly is. Finally here was a man who made so much sense!

Through Serge’s teachings and the Universal Medicine workshops I have attended, I have come to truly understand that true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost.

As the realisations dawned, that I had chosen to be responsible for everyone and everything around me first, I felt I had made a mess of not only my life, but that of all of my family members. Always helping everyone and fixing things had made me feel good about myself, and needed. It was a way of avoiding the deep hurt I still felt from my childhood.

It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.

And so from applying what I learnt from attending Universal Medicine courses, I made a choice to be responsible for myself first. This point marked a ‘turn-around’ in my life. Holding my behaviours in such loving understanding allowed things to change. I am still learning, but I now have tools to work with every day.

Being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels is the key to no longer harming self or others through the controlling behaviours I’d lived by.

I find I am so much kinder to myself and that the need for perfectionism is, amazingly, loosening its hold. I notice this in the way I work and deal with even the smallest of things every day.

Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given. And, it is a gift I give to myself. I do not blame my parents for all that happened, as they did not know any better. What reflection did they have of what true responsibility really is? I feel they did the best they could.

Responsibility is beautiful.

I truly love being me, knowing in my heart that I am committed to making loving choices from which I can learn and grow. To have let go of the hurt has opened up so much joy in my life. At age 60, I have never felt better. I live life feeling pretty amazing every day, and rejoice in knowing and living true responsibility as a beautiful blessing.

Thank you Serge Benhayon, for reflecting how beauty-full it is to be truly responsible.

By Kathy Avram, Melbourne, Australia

Further reading:
The Importance of Self Responsibility
True Change: Self-responsibility Inspired by Universal Medicine

1,440 thoughts on “True Responsibility

  1. Reading this has elements of similarity to how I was raised, except the responsibility of the other siblings was not put onto my shoulders as I was the youngest, but even at a young age I could see how this version of responsibility was having it’s effect on my oldest sister.

  2. Responsibility feels Ike a loving thing to do now but in the past it always felt too much to handle and so comfort or withdrawal were chosen. When you are fully on board with your body and moving in sync with what’s needed, responsibility is a joy and not even seen as a responsibility, just what is needed.

  3. Kathy, this is beautiful and deeply revealing: “It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.”

    1. Thank you Henrietta for your response. It is truly a humbling moment when we come from a loving understanding of how much we can impose on others from our ideals and beliefs.

  4. True Responsibility is very powerful and can move mountains, but when responsibility is imposed on us we can carry it around like a heavy weight on our shoulders for the rest of our lives. Understanding true responsibility brings a deeper understanding and clarity to many of our ingrained behaviours.

  5. The healing offered in Esoteric Therapies are jaw dropping, and the changes that people report make me wonder why these therapies are not more widely available. Perhaps one day they will be.

  6. “It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life” – yes this is so true Kathy and also, many of us would not see this i.e. taking on other’s responsibility also as being disempowering too to those others and to oneself too.

  7. It’s interesting how we we can turn the word “responsibility,” against ourselves and that the actions and or movements we use to be responsible when it is not first felt from the body can feel very heavy and burdensome. It truly is amazing to feel the true service that responsibility offers us, as you have so beautifully expressed here Kathy and how a true movement made from our bodies connection can be a spherical expression that holds all equally responsible.

  8. “Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given.” A deeply life changing gift that opens the door to Universal truth and hence a whole new way of life that nurtures our inherently loving nature from the inside out. What a blessing to receive, not only for yourself but also for everyone in your life that you now hold in true love.

  9. When I read this I feel the power of vulnerability, and the ripple effect that cannot but take place when we let ourselves be open and transparent. Which is of course the beauty of the responsibility we are all endowed with – to be open, transparent and fully seen for how delicate and exquisite we truly are.

    1. Thank you Katerina for your lovely response. I loved what you expressed about vulnerability. But as women when we feel vulnerable we see this as a weakness within ourselves and override it so that we do not become open and transparent for all to see, hiding our beauty of what we bring.

  10. Responsibility goes with the willingness to be who you are and stand for what you consider to be true no matter what anyone else thinks or does.

  11. There are too many people And especially women who live the pattern of Taking care of others as a way to avoid to feel themselves.
    The carried hurts in the body both physical as emotional.
    This way we never over true care for the other. The quality of what we bring has a push in it from the demand that a need Needs to get fulfilled.
    The key to let go this pattern is to start to make loving movements And one of them Can be the support of Esoteric Healing sessions.

    1. It can also be a worth issue that we as women don’t feel we can accept the care of others or even ask for it, especially if we see our role as just being there and doing for others. If we haven’t been honoured in the gorgeousness of our essence, of who we are, we can lose touch with it believing our value is in what we do.

  12. Being perfect or a perfectionist is a common goal for many, but the underlying drive for it seems often to be one of “being right” to overcome a lack within. We all know no one can actually be perfect, so perhaps a drive for perfection is a message to say “look within and consider whether self-appreciation is present for you in your life, just for who you are”.

  13. The more responsibility you embrace, the more you see the effect on the world of every moment and the quality you are in that moment.

  14. After reading this blog today I got the sense that you actually can say that depression is because being disillusioned by life in such a way that you believe that taking responsibility for your life is hard and a struggle. In fact our responsibility in life is only to shine the light we all hold to the best of our ability and not to mix up responsibility to be responsible for anything outside of us.

  15. Thank you Kathy, I was drawn to reading this again today. As a child I had similar behaviours of caring for others and taking responsibility that was much bigger than I could handle, I can feel these patterns are still very much there and seem to trigger when I know someone is not appreciating me for me, but is more focused on what I can do for them. The whole world seems to be geared to place importance on what we do, and not value who we are, yet it is being who we truly are that is our greatest responsibility

    1. Melinda, it was great to read your response. It is very easy to get caught up in others needs feeling that we are helping them but instead we are taking away responsibility for them to learn and in that we are not being responsible for our learning in the opportunities that are before us to be who we truly are.

  16. ‘Thank you Serge Benhayon, for reflecting how beauty-full it is to be truly responsible.’ Ditto Kathy – a most amazing approach on a subject most people avoid.

  17. Recently I’ve noticed how I take on other people’s drama, it feels awful in my body but for another to recognise this too they need a clear reflection to as you shared “to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” By holding myself I not only allow myself to remain steady and content within my body but it opens the space for another to reflect and heal. Very cool.

  18. It is interesting the way we are willing to assist others no matter what, and yet we struggle to do the basics of self-care for ourselves, it is a huge realization to understand that real change starts with self-responsibility first as it is only then that anything we do carries a quality of true healing and evolution for all.

  19. I have read this before and still am completely astounded by it for this is or should not be possible! ‘At the age of four, I found myself a prime carer for two younger sisters, changing nappies and feeding them, and being fully responsible for their care until my parents came back from work.’

  20. How amazing that now at the age of 60 years old you can say that you truly love yourself being you, making loving choices and how you have let go of the hurt and let joy into your life. How many 60 years old women would be able to say this? You just learn and grow beautifully so!

    1. Annelies it is a true blessing that we have Serge Benhayon to reflect how to truly live and take responsibility for who we truly are no matter what age and in that exposes the lies that we have been set up in to go through life living in a way not taking responsibility for self but to look at others and outside of us.Through the reflection of Serge I realised that taking responsibility first for self brought joy and in that allowed to let go of the hurt and there was nothing to fear.

    2. Yes it is amazing to read this and also appreciate that I like many are learning to deeply appreciate ourselves once again in a more loving and caring way of life. What is more is that I achieve much more at the same time as well.

  21. The level of responsibility has many levels. If you complete one level the deeper level arises.
    It is a on going deepening towards living with awareness and responisbility at our deepest level possible here on earth.

  22. I did not have to endure a childhood like yours Kathy and yet I do recognise that sense of feeling trapped on the hamster wheel of like constantly needing the same chores over and over and never seeming to get down to those deeper jobs or other projects that need my attention too, not to mention being more spaciously available to work and earn a living as well. I love the reminder to re-choose responsibility for me first and foremost, and only from there re-evaluate and let go of what is not truly needed.

    1. Shirley-Ann thank you for the awareness, of how we get caught up in the wheel of doing for others, which distracts us from allowing space to connect to what feels true and to go to a deeper level into responsibility bringing the purpose of what is needed in our work and living.

  23. Yes when we are prepared to bring true self-responsibility to our lives we clearly feel our part in our own misery and at the same time feel empowered to truly address what is troubling us.

  24. Perfection is debilitating, time consuming and destructive, learning to accept who I am and that I will never be perfect has been a huge lesson and a lesson that I keep coming back to.

  25. Serge Benhayon has helped me to come to realise too how being responsible is actually a spherical thing – as in it’s not just towards others or a certain group or person (nor just towards ourself) but including all of us equally…

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