I spent most of my childhood and much of my life feeling overwhelmed and burdened by what I thought was true ‘responsibility’. In the culture and family environment I was born into, responsibility was all about family first and taking care of everyone else’s needs before my own. This constant focus on others’ needs first is what I believed true responsibility to be.
Growing up, strong expectations were placed upon me both as a girl and as the eldest child in a family of five sisters. My father and mother worked all day on the family farm and would set tasks for me each day, including looking after my younger siblings.
At the age of four, I found myself a prime carer for two younger sisters, changing nappies and feeding them, and being fully responsible for their care until my parents came back from work. As I got older I had to ensure that the housework was done, and the family’s meals were prepared – all on top of my day at school!
If something had not been done ‘the right way’ or even when others misbehaved, I was made to take full responsibility and as the oldest was made the example – being punished regardless of what the situation was and who was truly at fault.
In this environment I became overwhelmed with a sense of always being responsible for everyone else and with no self worth. I lived in constant anxiety and fear of what could go wrong next. Physically, my body ached and I could not sleep at night. I felt trapped, and in the hardest times, I would go to a place where I felt safe and just cry.
As a result of feeling like nothing I did seemed to be good enough, I became someone obsessed with doing everything ‘right’, a perfectionist in my work, the way I lived and everything I did.
I found myself in a constant state of stress, setting ever-higher standards for myself in completing every job, something I took well into my adult years. When I had a family of my own, all of these patterns and behaviours just intensified. I was an extremely nervous person, always needing to control what went on with everyone in the family, and also in my workplace.
I suffered from depression, and reached a point where I did consider suicide. I was chronically exhausted, overwhelmed, often angry, and constantly unwell.
It was not until I came to the work of Universal Medicine at age 54, and began attending workshops presented by Serge Benhayon, that I began to get a sense of what responsibility truly is. Finally here was a man who made so much sense!
Through Serge’s teachings and the Universal Medicine workshops I have attended, I have come to truly understand that true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost.
As the realisations dawned, that I had chosen to be responsible for everyone and everything around me first, I felt I had made a mess of not only my life, but that of all of my family members. Always helping everyone and fixing things had made me feel good about myself, and needed. It was a way of avoiding the deep hurt I still felt from my childhood.
It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.
And so from applying what I learnt from attending Universal Medicine courses, I made a choice to be responsible for myself first. This point marked a ‘turn-around’ in my life. Holding my behaviours in such loving understanding allowed things to change. I am still learning, but I now have tools to work with every day.
Being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels is the key to no longer harming self or others through the controlling behaviours I’d lived by.
I find I am so much kinder to myself and that the need for perfectionism is, amazingly, loosening its hold. I notice this in the way I work and deal with even the smallest of things every day.
Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given. And, it is a gift I give to myself. I do not blame my parents for all that happened, as they did not know any better. What reflection did they have of what true responsibility really is? I feel they did the best they could.
Responsibility is beautiful.
I truly love being me, knowing in my heart that I am committed to making loving choices from which I can learn and grow. To have let go of the hurt has opened up so much joy in my life. At age 60, I have never felt better. I live life feeling pretty amazing every day, and rejoice in knowing and living true responsibility as a beautiful blessing.
Thank you Serge Benhayon, for reflecting how beauty-full it is to be truly responsible.
By Kathy Avram, Melbourne, Australia
Further reading:
The Importance of Self Responsibility
True Change: Self-responsibility Inspired by Universal Medicine
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
It’s interesting how we we can turn the word “responsibility,” against ourselves and that the actions and or movements we use to be responsible when it is not first felt from the body can feel very heavy and burdensome. It truly is amazing to feel the true service that responsibility offers us, as you have so beautifully expressed here Kathy and how a true movement made from our bodies connection can be a spherical expression that holds all equally responsible.
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life” – yes this is so true Kathy and also, many of us would not see this i.e. taking on other’s responsibility also as being disempowering too to those others and to oneself too.
The healing offered in Esoteric Therapies are jaw dropping, and the changes that people report make me wonder why these therapies are not more widely available. Perhaps one day they will be.
Culture and expectations go together to mark emotion and drama far from what we know is true responsibility.
Kathy, this is beautiful and deeply revealing: “It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.”
Thank you Henrietta for your response. It is truly a humbling moment when we come from a loving understanding of how much we can impose on others from our ideals and beliefs.
Responsibility feels Ike a loving thing to do now but in the past it always felt too much to handle and so comfort or withdrawal were chosen. When you are fully on board with your body and moving in sync with what’s needed, responsibility is a joy and not even seen as a responsibility, just what is needed.
Reading this has elements of similarity to how I was raised, except the responsibility of the other siblings was not put onto my shoulders as I was the youngest, but even at a young age I could see how this version of responsibility was having it’s effect on my oldest sister.
Responsibility is a natural part of our evolution, for the more we commit to live it the more we gain access to a greater level of awareness to inspire another to return to where they belong.
That is beautiful Lucinda – what an expansive way to allow what is there on offer for us to live our lives with a foundation that builds joy and expansiveness as our normal way of being, rather than the struggle, tension and worry so many of us settle for.
The concepts and use of the words such as responsibility and commitment have been so misused by society that we’ve forgotten the real meaning of them – and how simple and beautiful they are. I love how you so tenderly bring it back Kathy to the responsibility of cherishing and looking after you, so that you then bring the full you, nurtured and loved up to the rest of the world and all that you do. How can we deny how beautiful responsibility is, when we consider it from this way – from what it actually is? To be responsible is to claim love – because love and responsibility are one and the same.
Thank you Katerina for your beautiful expression about responsibility being beautiful, especially – because love and responsibility are one and the same, so true.
We can only bring responsibility in a loving way through the way we appreciate our body and quality in all that we bring from our connection within and the knowing that it brings to the all equally.
I have tried to get things right, and suffered emotionally when I have neglected something or been exposed as not being right. Right and wrong are very different from truth. Truth is a universal law and right and wrong are opinions and so I am learning to unravel myself from these opinions and be open to what there is to learn from the universal laws that connect us all.
Samantha thank you for your sharing. Getting things right can come from our expectations, outcomes, pictures, ideals and beliefs about ourselves and others in illusion of what we think is right or wrong for selves and others. So we use our patterns and behaviours that are not loving but harming the all in what we believe is going to help in coming from our own hurts.
I have also come to realise that true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost, that means being responsible for myself first and allowing others to be responsible for themselves.
‘Responsibility is beautiful.’ Love this Kathy!
Jenny thank you -” Responsibility is beautiful ” and I love feeling it each day in every way.
How we are within our self, how we relate with the world and everyone we meet and know really does have an impact on our physical health and well-being and also it works the other way round – how we look after our body affects the way that we think and approach life… It is key that we care for ourselves in all aspects of our life in order to truly support ourselves to support others.
Choosing to be responsible for ourselves first is the foundation upon which we can built a life that is in line with purpose with our own evolution and that of others around us through the reflection of our being-ness.
This constant focus on others’ needs first is what I believed true responsibility to be.” . . . This sentence made me realise how much of my life I focused on making sure others were living up to what I considered what they were responsible for all the while never fully taking responsibility for myself. The irony of it all made me laugh.
Giving our power to others by meeting other’s needs first can be drain a on our life-force and a misplaced sense of responsibility.
It must have been about the same era as I was 4 years old and the eldest sister and could strip and remake a bed. I remember standing on a stool to cook the chops and do the dishes. I was a little older than 4 then but not much. This certainly sets one up for the drudgery of a misinterpreted idea of responsibility when as you say . . . ” . . .living true responsibility as a beautiful blessing.” . . . as this includes looking after ourselves first and foremost.
True responsibility grows us in the most beautiful and steady way.
The pressure we put, or believe is put on us to be perfect, can definitely contribute to anxiety, and help to erode our natural playfulness and joy, ‘As a result of feeling like nothing I did seemed to be good enough, I became someone obsessed with doing everything ‘right’, a perfectionist in my work, the way I lived and everything I did.’
“Responsibility is beautiful.” I really love this simple statement, responsibility is beautiful, yet we don’t think that is the case. We think that responsibility is laced with hard work and its not something that can be seen to be loving and true.
We buy into such an old trick
“This constant focus on others’ needs first is what I believed true responsibility to be.”
The focus on other people takes us so far away from ourselves and this is done on purpose and for me this is evil when we are deliberately kept away from the fact that everything about us down to our very particles respond to the vibration of the universe which to me is God.
Flipping what we currently deem responsibility to be on its head and instead to feel and see the truth of and in it in that responsibility is a ‘beautifull blessing’ … is deeply inspiring. As well as the fact that you do not blame anyone in your life for the responsibility of others you were given at such a young age.
Like with so much in life, the meaning of responsibility has been twisted to become something it is not. We erroneously believe it is a burden when in fact, responsibility in truth removes all the burden we others carry. Responsibility is akin to love and no less.
I have witnessed many work places where any form of responsibility is considered a burden. What is interesting to note of late is how these burdens have now become basic human actions of respect and decency questioning how far have we dropped for this to now become treated as the norm.
Hi Brendan, a life without responsibility feels empty it is so true. I feel it also brings anxiety and depression as I have suffered all my life. Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for the great reflection from Serge Benhayon on how to live true responsibility. I now have less anxiety and no depression. I love true responsibility and going to deeper levels with it in love, joy and embrace each opportunity responsibility brings.
Responsibility certainly is beautiful Kathy, I wouldn’t have said this 4 years ago because I had misunderstood what responsibility meant. Now, I know it is a deeply loving way to embrace life, with full responsibility, we are able to be who we are and allow others to be themselves too.
Thank you Chan for the learning you have of true responsibility and how you are embracing life with your fullest loving understanding of true responsibility. Allowing self and others to not only be themselves but also reflect how amazing it can be when you live life in truth of responsibility. Life is so much more loving, simple and beautiful.
Hi Kathy, I too used to equate the word responsibility with burden and felt that work was a chore. I can also relate to being a bit of a perfectionists and wanting to do everything right. When I started to take responsibility for myself, it was the beginning of things turning around for me.
Hi Debra, thank you for your loving response about how we see responsibility as a burden and work. Both taking on responsibility for others and trying to be perfect takes a lot of energy to keep everything going which puts stress on your body and being in disregard. It is so freeing when you come to the loving understanding of the truth of what words truly mean you start to live life more openly with appreciation of self and others.
This is a great example of how damaging the barstardiastion of words are to humanity. True responsibility is a gift to all who encounter it.
Well said Kim, in taking on the misinterpreted version of responsibility it drives us to live the opposite of its true meaning. In most cases we can go into reaction to the word responsibility when we have been living with the false version. Once we understand its true meaning and see people living it, it is so easy to be inspired because deep down we do know what true responsibility means and looks like.
Responsibility is indeed beautiful as we can play our part of the whole – in its integrity and love we can express through living our responsibility. That is indeed beautiful.
Thank you Kathy, I notice that almost every time I get angry or frustrated with someone else, I can easily trace events back and see it all started when I was harsh with myself. We often think the world needs a kinder more gracious outlook with other people around us, but I wonder what changes would we see if we just started by treating ourselves as if we are gorgeous? I for one, would like to find out what this would be like.
Joseph I love your comment,” when I get angry or frustrated with someone else, I can easily trace events back and see it all started when I was harsh with myself”
I feel this comes from when we are looking for an outcome, pattern and behaviour or a picture we have on the way it should be, it takes us away from taking true responsibility of feeling what is truly happening within and allowing self to let go and surrender letting the situation to present itself, giving self space to enjoy the learning.
Responsibility for me has taken on a whole new meaning when I considered that how I am now will affect my quality in the future, and it is not just about getting instant satisfaction or gratification.
Taking responsibility for how I am with myself and how my body is feeling is the most supportive and loving thing I can be for myself and others. Thank you Kathy for this reminder.
It is true taking over the responsibility for other people is not giving them the space to make their own choices, it is also a way of controlling our environment so we don’t get hurt. Letting go of the control means we have to be open to receiving love and care from others and letting them be themselves what is very beautiful in the end.
In the constantly setting higher standards for ourselves and discontentment with where we are at, is a deep non- acceptance of all that we are, for we are each everything, already, before the day begins and at its end… though we may choose to express a great deal less than the magnificence we offer.
It is hugely empowering to acknowledge and claim responsibility for the power and joy that truly is – so when we try to be responsible for others, could it be that we are actually imposing an ideal of a kind on to them and robbing them of an opportunity to evolve?
‘applying what I learnt from attending Universal Medicine courses, I made a choice to be responsible for myself first. This point marked a ‘turn-around’ in my life. Holding my behaviours in such loving understanding allowed things to change. I am still learning, but I now have tools to work with every day.’ And for me too Kathy – I have the most amazing tools to develop inner awareness and true well being from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine presentations.
Jenny thank you for your reply. We are truly blessed to have Serge Benhayon, a divine and amazing reflection of living true responsibility and Universal Medicine Workshops to allow us to go deeper in our true livingness and bring that in our every day living of all that we have taken away from the workshops learning and coming from a loving understanding of self, others and life
It is interesting the misconceptions we hold about responsibility mainly to do with others first and seldom do we refer to true responsibility which is within or the commitment to develop a certain quality that can be expressed in everything we do – nothing more, nothing less just who we truly are.
‘Responsibility is beautiful.’ Very true Kathy , Living with Responsibility is simply living truly in every moment – a way of living that only leaves Love in its wake.
Responsibility is far from the burden and martyrdom it often is cast with – for True Responsibility is absolute Love and is the basis of true freedom.
It stops me in my tracks overtime, responsibility starts with myself and my own care. It is indeed a never ending cycle to feed a lack of self worth by being there or doing for others and is not sustainable.
A very inspiring blog and understanding of true responsibility with oneself first and the simplicity and joy from this is very beautiful in our life and a reflection for all to feel.
Responsibility is the key to our evolution and when the more we embrace it the more we get to understand that we are part of something bigger and it is about all us and not just self.
Absolutely – true responsibility is forever holding everyone in our gaze (and hearts) and not focusing only on ourselves.
Living with true responsibility leaves our body feeling light and un-encumbered – a beautiful feeling of completeness.
I’m coming to learn how true responsibility is not as scary as we think it is. In the past when I thought of responsibility immediately my body takes on a stance with need for defines and to prove something, but responsibility is starting to feel much simpler and is more akin to being honest about the energy that I am living with, and making that a quality in all areas. A quality lived by one is felt by all.
What you’ve described Kathy is very common…I see it in my own family – people putting others before themselves but it is loaded with expectations and if it isn’t recognised, feeling hurt and angry.
There is an idea that if we put ourselves first it is selfish, so we are brought up to put others before ourselves. In my experience, this has led to resentment and neglect of myself.
Striving to be perfect takes so much of our precious energy and it feels like it strangulates the naturally amazing being we are, as we are actually trying to achieve an unattainable goal. Not only is the process of aiming for perfection exhausting for our body but when we feel we have not reached the level of perfection we are expecting of ourselves we add another debilitating behaviour as we now have a reason to beat ourselves up. Letting go of the need to be perfect is one of the most self-loving choices we could ever make; that is “true responsibility”.
Responsibility opens up so many doors, for me it allows me to take charge of my life rather than being in constant blame of everyone else. Ultimately I have always had a choice and seeing this everything makes sense. Blaming others changes nothing and just keeps things spinning around like in a dirty washing machine, without changing the water the clothes stay dirty.
This is such an interesting blog for me to read this morning, I feel that I have recently developed a greater understanding of the importance of reflections through relationships in our lives to show us where the irresponsibility lies. Otherwise, we walk around in our ‘normal’ which may well be indulgent and self-abusive yet we have chosen not to see it as such because, to date, it has worked for us.
What an awesome thing Kathy that you can now say “I do not blame my parents for all that happened, as they did not know any better.” It is sad how many people still are carrying blame towards there parents, sometimes this is expressed sometimes not yet always there as an undercurrent eating away until we take responsibility and learn from our choices rather then to continue to blame.
It is interesting the things we do to make ourselves feel better about ourselves, and taking on other peoples stuff is one of them. On the surface it looks like we are being responsible but it is in fact the opposite because it robs the other of the responsibility and they do not grow. It is also used by us to not deal with our own hurts by getting too involved and busy with other people’s issues.
It is truly beginning to humble me as I become ever more aware that the responsibility I first have is whether I stay with and express from the steady humble, forever student of myself that I am, or step away from it into a way of being that I had made my life, one of sadness, loneliness, emotional needs and wants. It can take every ounce of resolve I own, but it is worth it to step off the roller coaster, onto a steady strong platform of my own love.
A deeply inspiring blog – thank you.
In taking on ‘responsibility’ for others we disempower those people and also ourselves and are making a judgement of others may live their lives rather than allowing free-will and to live us and let others live.
Letting go of the ‘hurts’ we carry is to free ourselves from an impost over us that is not true, yet imprisons and controls every aspect of our lives. we don’t need to protect our hurts but rather see that we never truly be hurt by another, only reminded what we have done to ourselves, and so heal, restore and live the fullness we are from.
Thank you Kathy, responsibility in its true meaning is a beautiful thing, it is not a burdensome but an opportunity at what has occurred and be more understanding and loving in our lives with others- it is the only way forth in our evolution.
Wow Kathy the way you have healed your childhood and any hurts you were carrying is amazing and very inspiring to read, I had a pattern in the past of being overly responsible for others as well which affected my self-esteem and well-being long-term. It is beautiful how meeting Serge Benhayon has shown we can begin to heal these patterns that are harmful and holding us back from who we truly are and to begin to live with true responsibility and to feel the simplicity and joy that this choice brings.
I agree Kathy, it is life changing when we realise that we are to take responsibility for our self and that no one else is qualified for the job. Taking responsibility for the way we think, talk and move certainly has a huge impact on not only our health and well being but on everyone’s around us as we are all connected.
true Kathy – taking responsibility for another’s situation is just a way of draining/ burdening ourselves as it is not ours to take on… and in this we are in fact distracting ourselves away from what we need to actually take responsibility of in ourselves..
This is true – we can easily fill our lives with tending to others lives and decisions rather than turning inward and reflecting on our own life and choices and taking self-responsibility.
True responsibility starts with self and the quality that we hold ourselves in, as it is only this quality that we can then hold for all.
Truly remarkable and inspiring read for many as you claim your vitality and love of life as a 60 year old woman. Thank you for bucking the norm where often the life of “retirement” and carefree living void of responsibility are the hall marks for many heading in their older years as the ultimate way of living.
Yes Kathy, responsibility is beautiful, thank you for sharing your experiences and wisdom. What you have expressed here is very powerful lesson for us all;
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life”.
A life transformed. From experiencing responsibility as a burden to appreciating responsibility as something beautiful. Our first responsibility is to self and with this foundation all else falls into place. We’re able to give an extra-ordinary amount to others once we’ve put our own house in order
A touching account of one path into true responsibility and showing that no matter what the landscape when you are younger or older you can make a change. Look around your life and see if you can see this story playing out on any level, growing up or in your family now, maybe in your friends family. We are repeating patterns of behaviour that then support us to repeat patterns of behaviour if that makes sense. In other words we are walking around in circles thinking we are going somewhere when in fact it’s always and forever a circle. In place of arguing that we should look at articles like this, living results of people of all ages and walks of life taking on true responsibility and making a difference. We all need to embrace the awareness more and more of what the truth of responsibility is.
What you share here about the time when you felt so exhausted you contemplated suicide – “I was chronically exhausted, overwhelmed, often angry, and constantly unwell.” The lack of control and the inability to know how to talk about what you were feeling to get help because you have grown to believe that this was your ‘normal’, there was no other way. I am full of respect for the commitement you placed on supporting yourself and finding another way. The responisbility you took to turn your own life around. Respect.
I love how you have claimed this Kathy, that responsibility is beautiful. Far far from the have laden misinterpretation we have bought into for eons, and in so doing, walking away from our own grandness and love.
Reading this blog Kathy, your words reverberate all over my body – and remind me that our single true responsibility in this life is to be Love. All of the other stuff is not significant in the way we think it is. We focus on this when we miss the grace, stillness, connection and warmth we naturally are. So I get this morning, that responsibility is not a terrible thing – but a door to feeling our true light.
Children do well with a sense of purpose and understanding that they belong and can contribute but what you were asked to do as a child would be labelled as child abuse these days. When I observe my 4 year old nieces and nephews I can see that that pressure without the support would have had a huge impact on you energetically and developmentally.
I am struck by my 4 year olds and how they were at that age, what I asked them to do and what they took responsibility for and then I feel the weight of responsibility you had on your shoulders – I can quite see that the anxiety of not being in control, of ensuring you were able to do a great job would have been well embedded and would have led to a break point. I am amazed you lasted as long as you did. How wonderful to have been given a moment to reconsider.
It is a trap thinking we are doing ‘good’ taking responsibility for others, when actually we are robbing them of the opportunity to take responsibility for them selves and at the same time avoiding taking responsibility for our self.
Awesome Kathy. To work through the resentment of your parents and anyone whose expectations you felt you had to live up to is pretty remarkable. Bringing that understanding to where people are at is a huge part of responsibility, because from there we realise we don’t have to take on other people’s burdens.
‘True responsibility starts with myself first and foremost.’ Yes. I too have been used to taking care of others, having four younger brothers. I then went into caring professions, ostensibly looking after others, but not caring for myself at all. I was always ‘trying’, trying to be good enough to pass my own standards – and of course failing. Learning about energetic responsibility and loving myself first was an eye-opener for me when I first came to the Ageless Wisdom presentations. What? It wasn’t selfish to put me first? Not only that, it became clear to me it was essential. How can someone truly care for and love another if they don’t apply these same standards to themselves? No wonder there is so much burn-out.
Perfectionism – what a killer of joy and simplicity in life. It’s a terrible kind of compensation for what is fundamentally a lack of self-worth. If deep down I believe I’m not enough, well everything I do damn well ought to be perfect in order to get the recognition that I am!
It’s interesting how skewed responsibility can become – our interpretations of it, some of which are detailed here. Understanding exactly what responsibility entails and where and how it begins has been part of my learnings with Serge Benhayon too. As with so many topics, he reimprints and restores true meaning and understanding, enabling us – if we so choose – to live a life that is true.
“This constant focus on others’ needs first is what I believed true responsibility to be.” – and as you’ve discovered Kathy, it isn’t. Supporting, caring and loving others can only come if we are taking care of ourselves first.
I’m so blown away that at age four you had taken on such tasks. The world is full of words that have been twisted and used against us. This is a great example of how responsibility was used to become it’s opposite. Taking you away from true love which is held in true responsibility.
Great to read that no matter what age we are, we can make choices which can support us to change our lives, and at the end of the day true responsibility starts with us first.
“Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given.” I can see why you say this Kathy – we can be imprisoned by beliefs or ideals and knowing, or being reminded about, the truth of a word in life is truly freeing.
Love what you have shared here, that with true responsibility there can be true joy. We always think that taking on more responsibility means that it is a drag, something that you are burdened with, not that it can be hugely joyful and expanding.
Thank you for your touching story and unfolding understanding about responsibility. Serge Benhayon is very precise in the use of words and I deeply appreciate the opportunity to learn about the true meaning of so many words, not just through verbal explanation but also providing personal example through the way he lives. I have found that embracing the truth of such potent words as love and responsibility turns your whole life round.
Yes Golnaz, that is so true, Serge Benhayon is precise in the words he uses and he has unravelled responsibility from being a burden to being a joy and full of self-empowerment. The illustration of how it can turn lives around as shared in this post is worth paying attention to.
Gosh Kathy that is so full on looking after your siblings from such a young age. You have transformed your life thanks to your commitment to saying no to doing for every-one else and coming back to taking care of you first. Well done as I know many of us struggle with this transition to putting our self first.
We often see true responsibility as a burden, and think life is easier when we don’t take full responsibility allowing ourselves on occasions to take part responsibility when in truth we are either responsible or not. The more I live by true responsibility the easier life actually is, because you know what is truth and what is not truth, which leaves nothing unknown.
In the early part of this blog, when you talk about your childhood, and as a parent myself, I can’t help but wonder what it must have been like for your parents, the kind of upbringing they had and how they must have felt being away from their children all day, the fears they must have had and the deep sorrow. I get the sense that there was a lot of fear, of wanting everyone to be safe, and how they knew that in you there was someone they could rely on, someone strong and dependable – just like them.
Shami, I loved what you shared here, thank you, for you have brought another light on the what was also truly happening, my parents to trust me with responsibility at that time of being 4 years of age and how it must have been hard for them and also the fear they must have felt.
I have come to a loving understanding that this was part of my path of life to learn and unfold in knowing true responsibility, that it was a burden of how it was set up and through Serge Benhayon bringing the true meaning, actually brought a loving gift from my soul to bring through the gift of love not only to self and to others to live and reflect in life bringing the true meaning of responsibility
In fact we can only be responsible for ourselves and that is also how responsibility works. It is impossible to be responsible for someone else’s life as we have no control over their will and the choices they make. If we think we can, then we are drained as we give energy to something that is not us. The only responsibility we have is to shine our light to the best of our ability, and through that light we can show to the world what responsibility really is.
To not blame the world for our woes but see that we alone are the creators of our life reveals to us that we have the power to change. This alone brings us a huge step forward to the responsibility we have.
An amazing blog Kathy! It is incredible that you have come out of the years (from 4 onward) of full on feeling responsible for everyone else. To know that the only one you are truly responsible for is yourself is indeed a truth that Serge Behayon has shared with us and is in the Livingness of.
Thank you Kathy for a most honest and touching blog. I love the depth of understanding that you have come to about what “true responsibility” is; an understanding that would benefit most of humanity. To understand the truth of responsibility has allowed me to drop any need to blame anyone else for what has gone on in my life and that how my life has unfolded is simply a result of all the choices I have ever made
We grow up in an environment that places so much pressure on us to achieve certain things. Whether it be perfectionism, a better person, a fixer, a carer etc etc. There is nothing out there besides Universal Medicine saying to people you are you well before you do or become anything. You are already perfect in your divinity and perfection isn’t something to try and achieve. Nothing is saying just breath and truly connect and everything you need will be at your fingertips because you have you. We are constantly trying to achieve, obtain, be better while all the time everything is already inside, and we only need to deeply, and consistently connect to it. Universal Medicine turns peoples lives around because we are all walking the wrong way, the world is upside down. We are the masters of knowing what to do, it’s just we have created a world through our actions and movements that tells you otherwise. Just because you think something doesn’t make it real, everything is energy first and so the wisest thing to do is to see where the energy you are using is coming from.
It’s so true Cathy – responsibility is love, and it is beautiful. It comes hand in hand with the glory that we are, asking us constantly to be who we are, more of who we are and reflect that to the world. Why did we ever make it a burdensome word with the connotations of loaded up shoulders?? Because we then mistakenly learn to shun responsibility and in doing so, we shun ourselves.
Exactly Katerina, when we understand responsibility to be a burden we tend to shy away from that but as you say with that we also shy away from life and avoid to take that only responsibility in life that is to being all of us wherever we go, which actually is no burden at all.
The rates of self-harm are escalating into an epidemic of depression. Thank you for writing a powerful blog on how this starts from a very young age and can lead to incredibly low periods in people’s lives. These behaviours are crippling people of all ages and it is the support that you received that is showing the world there is another way. How often do we as a society judge, comment and give our opinions on why people are living or reacting a certain way when there is a whole level of love and understanding that needs to be presented first to allow another to feel the levels of hurt that have the potential to be healed?
I am currently at a Universal Medicine retreat and in this mornings presentation learnt that responsibility is actually love; and this makes sense from what you have shared ‘I made a choice to be responsible for myself first. This point marked a ‘turn-around’ in my life. Holding my behaviours in such loving understanding allowed things to change. I am still learning, but I now have tools to work with every day.’ In that loving yourself more you started to be more responsible for what you were living and letting go of behaviours that were not love.
“I truly love being me”. I found these words stood out, as I don’t think I have pondered on how I feel about being me before or fully appreciated who I am. There is a reason why we are all the way we are, we all have divine qualities to share, so it is a wonderful thing to feel those qualities and love what it means to be me.
The false version of responsibility that the majority of us grow up with is such a strong consciousness. I find it can still sneak in and make me believe that I need to be doing or fixing something. What I know from my body is that is not true as it creates tension and angst. My responsibility is to have a body that is open, light and at ease, ready for the soul to work through.
Kathy, it is inspiring rereading your story and that no matter what our hurts have been, what false ideals or beliefs we have carried we can heal and move on.
It’s a shame responsibility is painted as a burden to us when we are younger, when taking responsibility for who we are and all our choices is in fact one of the most joyful and empowering choices we can make for ourselves – it’s amazing to know that you are an equal and contributing part to the whole of the world.
Kathy, knowing you personally means I can completely attest to all that you’ve shared here. When I see you, I can feel how full of joy you are and how committed you are to living your true self. It’s very beautiful.
I find it interesting how you felt a sense of “needing to be responsible” for most of your life until meeting more of your truth once again after meeting Serge Benhayon. Then you felt how much this responsibility was not true for you at all and was not the way you wanted your life to be. What an amazing insight this is as this shows the influence ideals have on us on even subtle levels and how much we do base our lives on feeling – but feeling what? The lie or the truth?
Thank you Kathy for this gorgeous blog – as ever it was so timely for me to read your words. I hear in no mistakable way how us cherishing what we need, honouring our body, and how we feel is always super supportive for everybody. Such an irony when you strip away all the ‘must-do’s’ and ideas that we have about how we should lead our life!
Joseph, thank you for your comment, it is beautiful when we honour our body, feel and align to the truth, we come from a place of being responsible in consciousness for the choices we make, bringing the true quality of all that we are, without the need to go into “the must do’s” from our ideals and beliefs.
It is far from loving to not live this way and when we take into consideration how we can live more lovingly the marker is set and the potential is HUGE!
The way the word responsibility is often used, makes it feel like it is a burden, an obligation, something serious and heavy. But this is not the case. Responsibility is about living who we are – that is our only true responsibility.
Yes the ‘ideas’ of hardship are sold to us in the word ‘responsibility’ yet the simplicity of that lived is far from this ideal.
What you have shared here Kathy is prevalent in many cultures as the way to be the best mother, brother, sister, grandparent etc. The focus is on giving all and leaving a depleted person behind. It has become an accepted norm that is often fuelled generation after generation when we choose not to feel what is truly going on or like yourself coming to the realisation that this is not healing but harming in the long run. This blog is a great reminder of how true responsibility starts with oneself and what we offer another is in equalness – nothing more or less!
Yes the ultimate in taking responsibility. “Holding my behaviours in such loving understanding allowed things to change”
This really is where it’s possible to transform one’s personal life for the better. When we have enough self love to behold ourselves in true love as there are times when our behaviours can be deeply self-sabotaging.
And because we’ve been conditioned to believe that our behaviours are who we are without that connection to our essence, who we truly are, we can lock ourselves in self-judgement and then theres no space to cease the negative behaviours. We are not those negative behaviours and what I am finding is they only come about or occur is when I have chosen to not be myself who is very loving naturally so.
“Always helping everyone and fixing things had made me feel good about myself, and needed. It was a way of avoiding the deep hurt I still felt from my childhood”.
How true is this for so many of us?
This is our way to avoid being responsible for ourselves first and foremost . Why can we not go there first and foremost? We need to address this self loathing energy within first. We are taught to judge and flog ourselves for everything. We forget from whence we came as divine souls.Instead we are taught that we are all sinners, if you went to church and aligned to such guff, and we are mislead into believing we are not worthy of love. So we desperately seek it from others to get that recognition and approval. To feel worthy of love.
Irena thank you for your sharing. I loved what you shared about if we went to church we were told we were sinners and so we would look outside of us for love. I now realise that religion played a big part of my life of how I was set up from young to believe that I was not worthy of anything because of us being a sinner and that God judges us in every way, if we are not good. From that foundation you feel you need to be responsible for everyone and everything in life and live in a certain way that is not allowing anyone to take responsible for self or others for their choices so that we live in separation from who we truly are.
What an inspiring transformation Kathy. Thank you for sharing the power of understanding and living what true responsibility is, as such returning it to its true meaning. I believed that responsibility meant obligation, duty, sacrifice and being ‘good’, all of which at the end of the day amounted to exhaustion, disempowerment and a continuing sense of purposelessness. I since have discovered that true responsibility comes from honouring our truth first, expressing what we feel and know within is true, through which we live in the true power of who we are. As when we honor our truth within we honor truth for all, and as such we reflect the way Brotherhood is lived.
To accept taking responsibility for others than yourself will set you up for failure because you can only being responsible for yourself, in fact to shine you light to the best of your ability.
We are not responsibility for other people – but we are responsible for how our movements and way of living effects other people.
I have always been a very responsible person in the physical temporal world. When I commit, I commit and I can be relied upon. Recently Serge Benhayon made a comment on responsibility and he said something along the lines of our biggest responsibility is to express our multi-dimensionality. My pride in being responsible was shattered as I realised how irresponsible I have been. In fact, I’ve been so fantastic at “responsibility” in the physical world and made my life all about function that I’ve not given multi-dimensionality the time of day. Multidimensionality doesn’t go away just because I’m not aware of it, but my awareness and movements are definitely different when I do chose the greater responsibility and chose to be aware that all of life is multi-dimensional including me.
So true Nikki, while we think it is a greater responsibility to express our multidimensionality in all that we do, in fact it is the only responsibility we have in life and we are naturally taking care of this I f we give ourselves permission to live this multidimensionality in full.
What an incredible story Kathy. We kid ourselves when we think we are able to be responsible while we neglect our relationship with ourselves. Loving me is the most responsible thing I can do.
I love how you look at responsibility as a beautiful thing and you are right, it is, but I have never really looked at this way and although I am responsible in a lot of ways the enormousness of our energetic responsibility for all, sometimes daunts me.
Kathy I have read your blog before but I am still shocked each time I read it of the responsibility you had at the age of 4 staying at home and looking after your younger siblings. In the UK, and probably around the world, there are more young careers now than ever before and it is great that support has started to be put in place with regards to this giving the young carers all the support they need including much needed respite to just play with other children and young people and be. What I love is how much has changed in your life from then to now and how you see and know the truth of responsibility which first and foremost comes with loving and caring for yourself and that you do not hold any resentment in your body regarding your past. This is very cool and energetically reflects out to all of us that there is another way so we can learn from this. Thank you.
True responsibility as you’ve shared Kathy is beautiful because it is a true expression from the essence of who we are. The false responsibility you lived by in your earlier years and most of us have come to know as a form of burden and obligation, comes from the need to be accepted, recognized or as in your case, to bury hurts we would otherwise have to feel.
It is so important and great that you have shed a light on responsibility and the true meaning and power of it! If you look from a point of view of creation and being invested in wanting to keep creating in your way, this responsiblity thing might feel harsh.. But from a perspective of unity, and divine order – we can not escape that responsibility is bringing us right back to being in true brotherhood again.
Thanks Kathy – when I read I realise that it would be easy to blame your parents for the situation and even though that might be a step in the healing process, taking it back to one self as in ‘what can I now do to change things around’ is the key to get out of old patterns we might have taken on from our parents.
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” – and how can someone truly take responsibility for another person? It may seem like they are but look deeper and it is actually about control and not wanting to take full responsibility for oneself. While we focus on someone else, the spotlight is not on ourselves.
This is so true Sandra. What stops me in the tracks of my recent behaviours is what your insight offers me here.
“While we focus on someone else the spotlight is not on ourselves.” The truth be told. Humbling.
To be able to say at age 60 you feel better now then ever is amazing. So many people hit this age and give up on life and from there go down hill. From what you are sharing there is no downhill you are on your way up, evolving all the way.
I have taken ‘responsibility’ too literally I guess – an ability to respond. If someone tells me to jump, I would say ‘how high?’ Seeking recognition and acceptance through my actions was a poor yet huge substitute for the obvious emptiness I was feeling, and I became pretty good at being good. I am still feeling the gap I have created by this falsehood, and its consequences manifesting in my body. Loving myself deeply, unreservedly, unconditionally is where I can begin to undo this.
This shows that we can change old patterns at any age and feel lighter and more vital as a result. It would have been a heavy burden to look after siblings at an age when life should have been about fun and exploring yourself, it is heartening Kathy to hear you have now managed to let that go, and realised you can make different choices about how responsibility plays out for you.
I can see how I can sometimes slip into controlling behaviours especially with those close to me to control situations. I can also see the reason behind it to simply not get hurt but I can also see the harm control brings not just towards others but to myself too. The deeper I can feel and see the harm being done the more it supports me to re-imprint and change the controlling behaviours.
“And so from applying what I learnt from attending Universal Medicine courses, I made a choice to be responsible for myself first. This point marked a ‘turn-around’ in my life. ” When we choose to be responsible for ourselves first this models a beautiful reflection for others, who may not be choosing that for themselves. If we do not love and care for ourselves first, how can we truly love and care for others?
A very gorgeous turnaround Kathy, showing us all that it is never too late to take true responsibility for the way that we move and the choices we make and through this support others to reclaim themselves also. Our greatest responsibility here on Earth is to live the great love that we are and nothing less.
There seems to have been a lot of doing and less of the being, which is so important, being that is, when you’re young. It seems easy to slip into doing mode and forget about what is truly important in life.
That is right – to be truly responsible is deeply beautiful. That is why God always shows us in one way or the other the confirmation of who we are and the responsibility that matches that. So there is no space or time for holding back…
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” – and there is no such thing as a mistake so long as we learn from whatever it is we did or didn’t do, and don’t repeat it. It’s really only a mistake if we stay in the emotion of shame, guilt, etc rather than seeing it for what it is and learning from it.
We do not in truth support others when we take responsibility for them we actually stunt their evolution because we are not allowing them to develop and learn what they need to. We do not evolve either because this is not serving the all.
Kathy it is cool to read how you now understand the role you play in responsibility first. If we live how we treat others than there is a natural pull to be responsible with each other. If we live out of taking care of people and expecting their reward, rather than the reflection of being responsible, then it supports us to not need others to confirm us.
True responsibility starts first and foremost with responsibility for ourselves; like you Kathy I grew up being taught the exact opposite. Thank you for the beautiful gentle reminder that true responsibility is a divine blessing.
There can be no true love or care for others when we do not take responsibility for our own care first and foremost.
I wondered as I read this blog if it is here to remind me that I too need to let others feel the consequence of their choices and that it is not for me to save them, make it better, or even ‘head the lesson off at the pass’ so the pain of the consequence of the choice they are making is felt in its full force. Thank you for the reflection.
Kathy so amazing to hear that now at age 60 you have never felt better. You have got it spot on – knowing and living true responsibility as a beautiful blessing.
“Responsibility is beautiful”
Kathy to see this statement at the end of your blog is astonishing, for there is no hint of blame, the understanding & appreciation you offer is nothing short of a miracle and for me a testament to true healing.
The intensity of your experience Kathy really highlights what happens when we make responsibility all about looking after others before we take care of ourselves. I have come to understand through the presentations of Serge Benhayon (and applying what I have connected to) how much more I can bring to others when I look after myself first. It dispels resentment and obligation and with a far greater open heart and I am much more present with the people I am with.
Thank you Kathy, inspiring to read how you have turned your life around by simply understanding what true responsibility actually means: taking responsibility for yourself first, and not going around fixing and helping out of an emptiness.
Many people think, responsibility is a burden. This attitude is dismissive of the fact that responsibility starts with taking care of oneself – and this is the most beautiful thing I can be given.
No matter how lost, beaten down or seemingly stuck in the ways of the spirits misery and ill expressing behaviours, when one is willing, true salvation is always possible. In other words, we are never too far gone to not feel the call of our Soul and know there is more to life then our behaviours and our story, especially when faced with a man who is living with his Soul daily. Thank you Serge Benhayon.
Its interesting that to start with (or at least the way I have always misinterpreted it) we are responsible for other things. That is almost built into my understanding of the word. Yet when we make a simple but oh so fundamental shift and say that we are just responsible for ourselves and our part in things then it all changes. The overwhelm recedes, the need for others to get it or the world to be a particular way dissipates, and I stop trying to control everything and can settle into just being me. All of me, in every moment, with every particle of my being.
True responsibility goes hand in hand with true joy, and it is so simple, and yet we make it so complicated – so that we do not understand the offering.
“Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given” I love this line Kathy, as I too feel this way- in the past the sense of being responsible felt like such a burden and was avoided at all costs whereas knowing the truth of responsibility now has allowed me to let go of the need to save others and focus and develop my own relationship with evolution.
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” What an amzing thing to truly appreciate. It is certainly not what we are generally led to believe, and is often considered as ‘not caring’ if we leave someone to learn from their own mistakes. But this is in fact true love, and from my own experience, and hard as it has seemed at the time, I have learnt the biggest and most valuable lessons in my life when I have been handed back the responsibility for my own mistakes.
Reading this story has a lot of similarities to how my family was, but being the youngest there was very little expectation on me doing anything other than tidy the house, but my oldest sister from the age of 6 was expected to look after both me and my middle sister. She has often mentioned the anxiety around looking after us and having the burden of keeping us quiet, otherwise she would get in trouble.
Thank you Kathy Avram for sharing a powerful piece on true responsibility that can be masked by cultural beliefs on how to act and be. I too have lived this way. As the eldest sibling you were expected to take responsibility for other siblings actions and the decisions they made. This left little to no time for self-care and it was often portrayed as being selfish. This blog is a wonderful read on how you were inspired to make these changes that had restricted your life and the truly quality we can all bring with the support that is provided by the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
It is amazing how much we have changed words to mean the complete opposite – just like responsibility being a dirty word. For me a life without responsibility and without purpose is not a life worth living.
I love this line: ‘Responsibility is beautiful’. It absolutely is. Responsibility and love are one and the same, and when we are not truly loving with ourselves, we have thrown responsibility out the window.
Responsibility has to start with ourselves, otherwise we end up down the track of obligation, self-negation and overwhelm, all of which can leave us feeling angry or resentful towards others. It is such a turn around to meet someone like Serge Benhayon who lives and breathes true responsibility and actually makes it look easy and a joy to accept.
Our perceptions of responsibility feel so heavy and burdensome and seem to equate with disregard of self. This feels like a deliberate re-interpretation of the true meaning of responsibility, in order to keep us from our natural willingness to embrace responsibility in life.
If we look back through history, when men and woman have brought through great truth and responsibility to the villages, it has been perceived as a huge threat to some. Usually those that gained much from being in a position of power and loath anyone that reminded the common man that they are equally as powerful as any other. For Serge to present and empower those that have for too long chosen to dim their light is but one of the things he excels in. Some people seek to discredit this man to no a vale, to me they are attempting to do one of two things, either wanting to stay in comfort and cherishing ignorance or are invested in keeping others ignorant.
As women, we are often taught or conditioned to always put others first, and to actually be made to feel guilty should we spend some time on ourselves as a priority. And this becomes for many of us women, as you have said, Kathy, “This constant focus on others’ needs first is what I believed true responsibility to be.”. How twisted this is and how far away from the truth of who we are – We are here to master our self care and self worth and sell adoration in a way that holds all equal to ourselves and ourselves equal to all others. Then there is no putting anyone first, but rather there is the care that is always there for all.
I have never considered that I have lived my life feeling I am responsible for everybody. It’s not my responsibility in what choices people make and choose in their lives, this is a huge learning for me, to let go, observe and allow people to make their own choices – no matter what they may be, even if I find it really hard and sad to watch and see. I have to give people the freedom to choose for themselves. And not project my stuff onto them.
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life” I shared this realisation when I became a student of Universal Medicine and listened to Serge Benhayon talking about true responsibility. Being responsible for myself and allowing others to equally take responsibility for themselves is a much more harmonious way to live with myself and others.
The mis-interpretation or lacing of words with beliefs and ideals can be so imprisoning. And what a gift it is to be offered a different or true reflection of what responsibility sincerely is all about.
The only real responsibility that we have is to be ourselves. When we have ourselves we can handle anything that comes our way.
I can relate to your blog Kathy. This part I wanted to highlight because it is so powerful, ‘Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given.’ I feel exactly the same, by understanding what responsibility is has been a blessing for me too and by choosing to embrace it has been incredible. There is a sense of lightness, clarity and joy once I embraced taking responsibility for all my choices. Absolutely amazing really!
It’s gorgeous to get over the hurt and be able to realise that parents indeed do what they think is best. We are all different, and we all live, striving to live up to what we think is the best way to be. What is important is acknowledging that we’re at different stages and moving forward from there.
‘ true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost.’ it is the complete opposite of what I learned in my life too Kathy and responsibility had become a very heavy loaded concept instead of the beauty what responsibility truly is.
There is an incredible level of commitment that comes with being responsible. This often is not lived and can be fleeting and inconsistent. I have realised over time that doing more and working to the extreme is no being responsible but what is sold to us to keep the feelings of self doubt and self worth in full gear.
Wow Kathy, great to hear you are now feeling better then you ever have done, what an awesome turn around. Fantastic realisation that will help many others who find themselves also taking on the responsibility of others. “It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are.”
I agree, responsibility is beautiful, and in line with that it is clear the word needs to be redefined in the English language at least, for that is not what it currently means for most people.
I know from experience that when we hold such high standards and ideals we give ourselves an impossible task to fulfill, and it feels like there is a constant lacking if these pictures aren’t met. True responsibility takes away the need to be or do more as we can only but bring our everything when acting from this responsibility.
Depression is such a widespread issue in society, isn’t it time as a society we firstly asked why, and secondly started to approach it differently with lifestyle choices and our way of living at the forefront.
There is a false interpretation of responsibility out there that decrees we look after everybody else before ourselves. This model leads to overwhelm and a continual sense of failure, overcompensation and then resentment in the long run. And how responsible can we really be when we are not responsible for and to ourselves first?
Thank you for setting the record straight of what true responsibility really is. I am still dealing with being overwhelmed at times by what my responsibility is in any given situation but I am slowly learning that when I choose to get anxious and overwhelmed by responsibility that is just my comfort, my way of making something so big that I throw in the rag and do nothing. I have 5 kids and 4 business and my husband is stepping into a political career, sometimes I just feel like I have too much responsibility and you could easily agree but in truth and when I am connected, responsibility is just my movement in each moment, my ability to live from my essence and not my reactions to life and with that livingness we are able to achieve more than you can imagine.
Thank you Kathy, by virtue of you writing this you made it clear that responsibility is actually amazing. That it learns us how to let go, move on and appreciate and how we are not here to stay in comfort, but actually move on and let go of all that has passed and enjoy the new beginnings or all news things by choice. Loving your expression – it is so needed to discuss things like this from a true perspective of mankind
I know for myself too that holding a picture about how I think I should be in life puts a constant stress in place that leads to trying to control things rather than responding to people or situations with clarity.
‘This constant focus on others’ needs first is what I believed true responsibility to be.’ The way in which responsibility has been bastardised to become something we see as a burden prevents us from embracing all that it truly is.
Responsibility allows us to keep up with the constant pull of evolution.
The word responsibility has been made to be heavy and tough, with trying to be something and achieve something. I still keep getting caught with that, but when I choose to live in a loving way, the love I feeling within naturally wants to express as responsibility, no trying and no heaviness in sight. This has been a profound distinction Serge Benhayon has supported me to see. Gorgeously freeing and empowering.
Understanding responsibility to be a loving joyful willingly accepted understanding of our complete interdependency with all that is, on the earth and in the cosmos – that each action, move we make, thought, and intention has an impact on every single being and everything. Initially it may seem daunting, but there is a tremendous beauty and joy in knowing that we are inextricably a part of this living symphony that is ever expanding.
Kathy, what an inspiration you will be in how you are with yourself having more joy in your life than ever before. I love what you have written here; ‘At age 60, I have never felt better. I live life feeling pretty amazing every day, and rejoice in knowing and living true responsibility as a beautiful blessing.’
When we allow ourselves to feel the magnitude of the universe inside us, we know that we are worth it to take care for ourselves.
The word responsibility can come loaded with a sense of being big, burdensome and serious, but it isn’t any of this. Being responsible is in the smallest detail and in every choice and comes back to ‘is it loving or is it not’. If it is loving then that is being responsible.
It is such a freedom to be able to let go of the anxiety of getting everything right. After all, whose right is it? I have found what is right for me, may well not be right for my daughter, different circumstances and different outcomes so one size cannot fit all. Thank you for sharing your story as it shows what is possible when we take the focus back from others and own our own childhood patterns and hurts first. The parenting you offer when those are not brought into the mix will offer the space for everyone to learn their own lessons in their own time.
‘Being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels is the key to no longer harming self or others through the controlling behaviours I’d lived by.’ True Kathy and appreciating and confirming ourselves will bring the joy to truly be ourselves.
The lie is dimished that responsibility is something not so great.. Because it actually is when the above is being truly understood. Powerful blog and subject thank you for sharing…
I too am finding that the need for perfection is loosening its hold. There was a time when I would be so hard on myself for not getting something ‘perfect’ straightaway that I would feel so distraught I’d want to give up on what I was doing! Thankfully, I no longer behave in this way as I simply can’t beat myself up. I am learning to trust myself and because I may not get something the first time it doesn’t mean I’m a failure. I am a student of myself in life and will always be.
Kathy I can really relate to how you thought responsibility was all about caring and saving others before yourself for I too still struggle with this too. Our stories may be different but the flavor of feeling the burden of over-responsibility the same. Old habits die hard sometimes but I am accepting more and more that my only true responsibility is to live my everyday with integrity and with the awareness of the importance of and accountability for the ripple effect that all of my words, actions and movements have on everyone and everything around me.
Your story is extreme Kathy and yet I know most people (including me) have had the same jaded view of responsibility that you had before you met Serge Benhayon. Thank you for reminding me how beautiful and loving true responsibility is.
Thank you Leonne for your lovely response and true responsibility is amazing and beautiful when we come from the divine love that we are by the choices we make. We are truly blessed by Serge Benhayon of presenting the true meaning of responsibility in the choices we make through the energy we choose.
The burden of over-responsibility, hyper alertness, control and complete lack of appreciation seem to be the hallmarks of growing up in a way that demands perfection, demands the impossible in other words.
Responsibility has almost become a 4-letter-word in the English language, a word tainted by burden and overwhelm. In fact taking responsibility for self is a loving and caring action, one to be appreciated for it ultimately says to each of us “you are worth it”.
I used to hate the word responsibility and I would do my best to avoid all forms of it, this has completely changed since I have been attending Universal Medicine presentations, responsibility to me now is not scary and not something to run from, taking on more responsibility is actually deeply healing.
This is a great study Kathy on the pressures we feel as children and the subsequent anxiety and harmful behaviours that we find ourselves living as adults. Even at school we learn that we must be perfect, get things right etc, it seems that the focus on finding value in what we do instead of who we are can set us up for adult lives that feel at times excruciatingly painful. Through Universal Medicine I have also been making my way back out of childhood hurts that resulted in my behaviours focusing on others, with my worth tied to that (which exhausted my body), to returning to simply being me and taking care of myself (as my true responsibility). Your story is also a great reminder to be compassionate and understanding with myself, as my behaviour does have a root cause.
Melinda thank you for your beautiful response. It is because of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that we can come from a loving understanding of the true meaning of true responsibility in our lives and living that each day in bringing also energetic responsibility by the choices we make. Being responsible for self first brings a loving understanding for self and others and allows us all to live our choices without imposing any ideals, belief, needs or hurts on others but bringing our true quality of essences in all that we do. Thank you Serge in all that you bring you are a great reflection of the true responsibility in the all divine Livingness in all that you are.
The responsibility we have to care for ourselves first and foremost can be a particularly challenging one. It asks us to look beyond our thoughts and pictures we have of ourselves, and see ourselves as worthy of care and love.
A lot of people want to run a mile when the word responsibility comes up. Personally I had always thought that I was a responsible person, I never really ran off the rails (too much) as a teenager, because I always viewed myself as being ‘responsible’, then when I moved overseas, travelled the world, I was always incredibly ‘responsible’, I always have had a job, paid my taxes, contributing to society, being responsible! But it wasn’t until meeting Serge Benhayon, that I began to understand what ‘true responsibility’ was, that it was greater than all the things mentioned above. It was about how I moved, spoke, my understanding of energy, how that everything I do effects everything and everyone, ALL the time. This is responsibility, some of which has taken time for me to accept and step up to that, which is forever unfolding.
Responsibility, a word that for so many has a negative ring to it, but once truly understood, is this extraordinary foundation for our continuing evolution.
Could it be that we have chosen to bastardise this word ‘responsibility’ precisely because we do not want to know what true responsibility is?
Kathy it is fascinating how we associate responsibility 1st with others, but if we are not 1st being responsible with ourselves how can we be with others! We are only responsible for ourselves and the reflection we then offer to others.
Taking on responsibility that actually belongs to another robs them of the opportunity to be responsible themselves.
Responsibility is discerning the bigger picture in life and what our part is in it – yes exactly Katie, I love this insight.
‘ It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life’, wise and powerful words Kathy, and is something I had to learn as well. Now, I am more focused on my own learning and sharing more of me and as I share more of me, I observe how easy it has become to connect with others without imposing.
Wow Kathy your journey to true responsibility and healing old hurts is deeply inspiring and supportive to read. It has been an absolute game changer for me learning to observe and accept another’s choices instead of reacting to them and creating stress in my body.
This is a very old pattern of mine Anna, taking things personally and then reacting to the other person. Now I have learned to accept and allow another what they are choosing, without emotions confusing everything, which actually brings so much more clarity.
Kathy, I can relate to much of what you share, as an fellow over responsible oldest child and yet as you say when we do this we do not allow the space for others to feel their own way with responsibility and it’s a great diversion from feeling ourselves, our own hurts and what we need to deal with. I too am learning each day that true responsibility starts with me, and how I am with me and that then goes wider from there out into the world, it cuts blame and judgement and means there is more freedom, since I choose and it feels such an amazingly spacious way to live – I am learning more each day and am humbled by all I am learning and understanding each day with this and it’s changed my life beyond measure, there is so much more love, light and laughter now – it’s wonderful.
Thank you monicag2 it is beautiful when we take true responsibility for self first. When you get to truly understand what responsibility truly means the burdens of caring for everyone lift out of your body and you can feel a joy and lightness that it was all an illusion that we are held in by the ideals and beliefs we are told to take us away from living who we truly are and imposing our ideals and beliefs on others all because of our hurts and not wanting to take responsibility of our choices. I also love the learning each day and all that it brings in a deeper level of the knowing of how energetically we are all connected in true responsibility.
How amazing at age 60 you can say you never felt better, this a true testament to this work and your dedication and commitment to let love in and resolve your issues is priceless – Inspiring to many – Thank you Kathy for sharing.
Responsibility is one of those words, like commitment, that people shy away from and that young people want to discard immediately sometimes, because it always comes with a seemingly onerous burden. Yet when really understood, we had that amazing feeling that commitment plus responsibility equals true freedom.
This ‘selfless’ idea of responsibility is very common and I know it well… yet where does it leave us when we are trying to look after everything else, but we do not look after ourselves. What quality are we in that the rest of the world, and all our responsibilities, are getting?
Trying to take responsibility for others only comes into play when we are not taking full responsibility for ourselves.
Hannah it is about being responsible for self first and coming from that is what brings the divine love to the all. Thank you for your lovely response.
It is eyeopening when we understand how much our behaviour impacts on those around us however we do not live in isolation. Once we start taking responsibility for all aspects of our behaviour it can change our lives.
Kathy, thank you for your incredible sharing. I can so relate to your story. It has a lot of parables to my up bringing and life. I too grow up on a farm with hard working parents. I too had the responsibility as the eldest to my younger siblings. The household, farm animals and meals etc. I had the same “self less” ,”family first” interpretation of responsibility. …….ending result. Over control, frustration, resentment, angry and wanting out of this perpetual compounding,loveless burden. How liberating it has been to have the real interpretation of responsibility unshackle the load and guilt. To off load and stop caring stuff that is not mine to carry. Giving me the permission to self care, love and nurture me FIRST.
‘ Always helping everyone and fixing things had made me feel good about myself, and needed. It was a way of avoiding the deep hurt I still felt from my childhood.’ – Thank you for your honesty Kathy. So often we re-live the hurts of our own childhood in ways that are hard to recognise as we ‘do our best’ through the framework of our known reality. How amazing it has been to come off that round-a-bout and into a development of love that is expanding in the most extraordinary of ways – I would never have thought. Thank you Serge Benhayon for the most incredible support, and living love and truth .
Serge Benhayon is not only a man that teaches what true responsibility is by the way he lives but also true love, care, integrity, respect, gentleness, truth, wisdom, healing, joy and so very much more ✨ Your story highlights the lack of care and support we currently have in society for those that deeply need it.
Vicky thank you for sharing. Serge Benhayon is truly an amazing teacher of the divine reflection of what true responsibility and energetic responsibility truly means, which brings the all in the livingness of life of joy, harmony, truth, divine love, integrity, respect, wisdom and healing to the all. Serge is truly a gentle and a beautiful being of divine love in grace.
The judgement I hold that another can not do it for themselves and that I know better is ALWAYS felt by them and leads to separation, hurt and anger, this can continue to fester over years, often the controller is not aware of what they are doing, and does not understand the frustration and anger that comes back from the other time and again, when they think they are helping and offering support. Only by becoming aware of our part in this game, whether we are controlling or allowing ourselves to be controlled, or switching and playing either role, can we change the dynamics and bring true love and support back to the relationship.
Rosemaryliebe, thank you for a deeper level of understanding that you have shared about judgement that we hold people in that we know better, feels so imposing on others. I can relate to all that you have expressed here as the controller not being aware of what they are doing and does not understand the frustration and anger that comes back from the other, time and again when they think they are helping and offering support. By bringing divine love in the all, comes from the acceptance of others and allows them the space to express where they are at, which brings the quality of unity in the relationship.
True responsibility for ourselves means stepping back and letting go of the feeling that things must be done our way, and trusting that others have the means and ability to find their own way, in their own time. When we try to control, our lack of trust in the other is felt, and reinforces their feelings of inability, or incites them to rebel against our so called ‘help.’ Lovingly letting go gives them space to make their own choices, and only through making our own choices do we truly learn…..this is true love and support.
Rosemaryliebe I love what you have written here about True responsibility, means stepping back and letting go of the feeling that things should be done our way and allowing others the space to make their own choices which allows us all to trust and learn through the love and support of each other.
What really comes across in this blog for me is the level of understanding and healing that has taken place, with regards to your parents and your own need to control things. I really enjoyed reading this blog Kathy.
Thank you Julie for your beautiful expression about the understanding and healing in regards to the parents and the letting go of control. There is so much that we hold onto in the controlling of things that does not allow us to live life in honesty and truth from true responsibility.
“Responsibility is beautiful.” I love this Kathy. Self responsibility has removed the burden, the heaviness of blame and depression, lightening me and allowing a spaciousness, and as Gabriele states in her comment, it is a joy without a trace of rigidity.
Rosemaryliebe thank you for your deeply loving response, as we come to an understanding how much we all harm ourselves in our thoughts, beliefs and the heavy burden we carry to live a life of the way we were taught to be responsible for the all. It is so beautiful when we bring everything back to self and bring a level of true responsibility how much joy harmony and love we can feel within.
The way you describe true responsibility makes it shine in the light it truly is: a joy rather than a burden and never based on rules or principles and not a trace of rigidity in sight.
Gabriele, thank you for your beautiful response. When we come from a loving understanding of the truth in words nothing seems to be a burden, rules or principles, ideals and beliefs. Everything is joyful and in harmony with all that we do.
It is incredible how twisted the meaning of the word responsibility has become. It is seen as a burdensome thing, rather than the immensely freeing experience true responsibility actually is. Thank you for sharing your shift in understanding this most beautiful of words, Kathy.
Robyn, the truth is truly beautiful and very empowering when we come to the the true realization of how we make life from the meaning of words. Thanks to Serge, a great reflection and very inspiring in the expression of true livingness and showing us to be honest with self in all that we do.
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are” Too often we do this with our loved ones, friends and even work colleagues, we take over and think we are doing it for the greater good, but in truth it can actually be doing the opposite. In developing greater awareness within myself, I have learned more recently that it is indeed a grander choice to let people be responsible for themselves and for their growth and evolution.
This is essential in life, taking responsibility for our choices not those of others will make our lives so much simpler and lifts the heavy load this puts on our shoulders.
Benkt it does make life simple when we choose to be responsible for self and not interfering with others with the choices they need to make in life so that we can allow all equally to learn from our patterns, behaviours,ideals and beliefs
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” This is such a great thing to live by and adopt as a way of being. I know that I have taken over responsibility many many times, whether that is in my personal life or professional life. But on reflection, when i have felt back into these many situations, I have realised that there was so much that I could have surrendered to, allowing the other to step forward or take responsibility for what is needed in the moment.
Thank you raegankcairney for the great way in expressing how we can put the burden on ourselves with others responsibilities and feeling overwhelmed and anxious with it all instead of allowing others to make their own choices.
Kathy that’s great, so often we see responsibility as a bad or hard thing yet it is beautiful when we fully embrace it. It is not saying no to things rather saying yes to love and what that entails.
James thank you for your lovely expression on how saying no to things is more loving to self and others equally which allows the all to embrace true responsibility, in the choices we make and learn from the choices to grow equally.
It takes responsibility to a deeper level when we consider the effects of our choices on others. Essentially we are either choosing to have more access to love for humanity or we are choosing for humanity to have more access to separative thoughts and energy – and this comes with every single choice and movement.
Responsibility is beautiful. I am appreciating how my body is always reflecting what is true, is ever reminding me of how every choice I make has a ripple effect on everyone and everything around me.
Thank you victoria for the response on how true responsibility can be misinterpreted to not be enjoyed and feeling like a burden. Coming to the realisation that no one can do it for us and that the choices we make does have an effect on all and everything around us.
Kathy this is a great realization, “I realized that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” So true, and something no other can do for us, as you say it can be controlling and dis empowering for the other.
What it means to be responsible can be so misinterpreted as something burdensome, weighty and not enjoyable. Our responsibility to is firstly to ourselves, our ability to respond (not take on or re-act) with love and from there feel what is called for.
Thank you Doug for your great comment and recommending the Unimedpedia. Serge has been a great inspiration in bringing the reflection of the true meaning of the Way of the Livingness in divine beauty and how words have been misused to hold us back in our ideals and beliefs. After browsing on the unimedliving.com/unimedpedia It is amazing when you read the true meaning of words how you come from a loving understanding of self and others equally in clarity.
Thank you Doug in the way you responded to the blog. As you pointed out the poison we get in our body by trying to control others in their actions through not allowing them to be responsible brings dis-ease not only in our bodies but also in others. What this shows is how controlling we can be in our life and try to manipulate the situations in feeling that we are helping others but instead we are harming the all of humanity and not allowing the unfolding of evolution for the All.
Responsibility is one of my favourite words, it confirms to me only a daily basis my purpose in life.
True responsibility is actually to be all that we are and make sure we express this love and light in every moment through caring deeply for ourselves so we can do this. Remembering this is a true blessing I am graced with after reading your blog thank you.
Your story shows very clearly what harm the misinterpretation of a word can do to the level of illness and disease in your life.
Lieke, thank you for your great reply. Words can bring an image of not what they truly mean and through that meaning you live a life of not knowing the truth until it effects your body, then at that moment you start to realise that something does not feel right.
True responsibility is truly amazing when you come from the loving understanding of love and light and taking care of self in all that you do in the choices you make, it is a divine blessing.
Wow you have turned your life around entirely just from the simple definition of a word! This is power in word alright and really shows how evil the ill use of words can truly be on society.
Thank you Joshua for your great response. It does really show us how words are been used to hold society back from the truth and not allowing to live life in our fullness.
Absolutely Kathy. We often think that the most evil actions are in horrendous physical acts of crime and horror, while an actual fact it is not. It is actually the misuse of word that has much great affect.
Words and concepts can become so weighted with ideals and beliefs that we’ve taken on, and in that we loose the true sense of them, such as with ‘responsibility’ and what that means to us. Thank you Kathy for sharing your revelations here about uncovering the true essence of this word.
Fiona thank you for your beautiful response. The meaning of words can be so imposing in ideals and beliefs that hold us back from the truth of living our own choices and to come from an acceptance of self and others equally in loving understanding that we are all responsible for what we choose in life.
Lovely to read of responsibility being a gift that we bestow on ourselves and not the burdensome obligation that is its normal connotation.
Cathy thank you for your lovely response. Responsibility is amazing when we live it as a gift and not a burden in its normal connotation. Thanks to Serge for the great reflection of how to live our truth in all that we do.
It is gorgeous and refreshing to read about someone who is not blaming their parents for everything that has happened in their life, seeing that they themselves had only what they knew from their own upbringing, and that we are all just doing the best we can with what we’ve got. The responsibility therefore comes with understanding ourselves, eachother and putting judgement to the side.
Shami thank you for your beautiful comment and that everything we do all starts with us in taking true responsibility for the choices we make in what ever the circumstances are. They are there for us to learn from the opportunities that are presented to evolve to a deeper level of love and come from a loving understanding of not playing the blame game, to live life from divine love.
There would be a lot more harmony, less arguing over the responsibility each person has not stepped up to in order to support the whole group, and most of all, they would feel the enormous love and appreciation for each other that in turn becomes the way they build relationships with other students and their teachers.
Thank you for this open sharing Kathy. I love that you write that ‘responsibility is beautiful’ – pondering on this I can understand that it feels beautiful in our body to be responsible because when we are not then we feel tension and overwhelm, these niggly feelings are unsettling to the body and keep contentment away from us.
Thank you Shelly for your beautiful response. It is amazing what our body shows us when we are not truly responsible and how we feel when we do not come from being committed to self in feeling the choices we make and allowing to choose to feel our bodies that we get overwhelmed, anxious and tired keeping us from the inner self of what is truly going on.
I am currently learning a lot about responsibility and what it really means. I am discovering that it has a lot to do with responding to what is before me rather than putting things off because I believe they will be too hard to do etc. Putting things off then is a lack of responsibility because I am not responding to what is before me to do at this time.
Thank you Elizabeth for your beautiful response. I love what you have said here about learning and responding about what is in front of us. Putting things off is a lack of responsibility because we feel it is all too hard or the fear of not being able to do things in time.
Yes responsibility is beautiful Kathy and what an amazing lesson to learn in our adult life;
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.
Thank you Shirl for the lovely comment. It is amazing to learn about the lessons we are present each day then taking the opportunity to work with them, allowing self to go deeper to the truth.
True responsibility can take many forms, and it doesn’t always lead to a place where everything is shiny and perfect. Sometimes taking responsibility means rolling your sleeves up and getting stuck in to the details of life, as messy as they be, which can be a difficult and uncomfortable experience. however, every step made towards a greater responsibility for the presence that you hold in every situation in every day is actually a step closer to who you innately are – as painful as the process may be you are returning to truth by the willingness to see everything.
Shami thank you for your great comment. It sometime is painful when you go deeper in the detail of what is the truth then taking that responsibility to work with self and come to the loving understanding of who you truly are.
Part of responsibility is the awareness that we all are where we are at because of our choices and the only person we are responsible for is ourselves
Being kinder to ourselves, that is such great advice, I know I am my own worst critic and don’t need the harsh words of others as I form so many of my own. It is such an opportunity to heal ourselves when we recognise our own qualities and don’t shy away from feeling them and walking with that feeling that I am worth caring for as a human being.
‘Responsibility is beautiful.’ Not so long ago I would not have put those two words in the same sentence, but these days I am beginning to see what you mean. I have just finished an application for a more responsible post at work, and I’m actually looking forward to it. Before I would have seen it as more things to do, but now I see it as sharing my unique qualities with the team I am part of.
It is very interesting how we replace true responsibility with control and the want to help others and make them realize what their responsibility is. We externalize it and push it away from us resisting to apply it to ourselves.
I am questioning whether I set a condition in doing this, that I although I am aware of what responsibility is am I holding off going there until other start to do the same around me.
It is so easy to stay in our comfort because everyone around us is doing the same, it is this attitude of why should I do something about it if others are not bothered? It only takes one person to start doing their part and everyone else is called into responsibility, whether they act on it or not that is their decision, but naturally a lot will follow.
Michael thank you for your lovely response. True responsibility is about what we feel within and taking it to a deeper level of coming from a loving understanding to be responsible first and for most for self in all that we do and are, allowing others the space to become responsible for their own choices. Everything starts with in us, what we truly feel in our bodies.
“Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given”. Kathy I love the honesty and truth of this phrase. Recently I have become aware that my truth is now evolving to a greater awareness, truly a gift of knowing.
Recently I found myself in some work related situations where I felt feeling pressured, like being asked to take on others’ responsibility because they could not be bothered. This doesn’t have to involve anyone asking me to do anything, just seeing others not taking their responsibility – as in not checking or responding to emails or needing many reminders – is enough to set me off, and I often react by holding back and at times even deliberately drop down to where they are at – as though I want to punish them, but ultimately making it ‘their fault’ so I am void of responsibility. This feels horrible. I wanted them to change, to step up. I can see how I was seeing others (ir)responsibility as my responsibility, and how ‘doing’ has ended up being more important then ‘being’. Thank you, Kathy. Your blog really stopped me to see my pattern of behaviour clearly so that I can take the first step in becoming truly responsible.
Fumiyo, this is such a great example of how to take responsibility for ourselves and not take on what others do or don’t do. This is such a key thing because if we do take on things then we are actually not supporting anyone.
Thank you Alexander, we can so easily fall in the victim role when we choose to get distracted in others ideals and beliefs, taking on their patterns and behaviour to avoid our own true responsibility. When we claim ourselves we are more aware of not giving our power away to others and take on true responsibility of our own choices that builds a foundation to support us in every way.
Amita, thank you for your great comment on how we can become depressed when we look at others and conform with everyone else around us and allow ourselves to not even be considered in our life and just focus on what everyone else is doing. This feeling I know quite well and always felt like the victim instead of knowing true responsibility at a young age and I also suffered deep depression and felt there was no end just a hole getting deeper.
You are a living miracle Kathy to go from considering suicide to “I live life feeling pretty amazing every day, and rejoice in knowing and living true responsibility as a beautiful blessing”. I hope you are taking the time to appreciate how much you have let go of what you are not and are living the joy and beauty that you are.
There is so much of what you share Kathy that I can relate to in my own life and I feel many others also. The amazing journey you have had to this day to now take back responsibility for yourself and let others be responsible for themselves – a life changer indeed, this certainly puts a stop to those exhausting ‘controlling’ behaviours which serve no one. ‘Knowing and living true responsibility’ is a beautiful blessing. A beautiful, heartfelt sharing Kathy thank you.
“Being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels is the key to no longer harming self or others through the controlling behaviours I’d lived by.” – I too have found that having greater awareness and honesty with myself about how I’m feeling and how my body is feeling has given me a true marker for the consequences of how I live. It’s easy to have an ideal about what responsibility or love or many other ‘should’ be but my body guides me back to what is true for all involved.
Thank you Fiona for the beautiful response. Our body is a great marker in living true responsibility. It is our precious inner most that shows us when we are fully responsible for self in truth it brings a beautiful reflection to others.
This is such a beautiful blog – how you have come in full circle and landed back in joy, through taking responsibility for yourself – which is to know and accept your power. Thank you, Kathy.
Agreed Gill, the awareness and discussion about responsibility that Kathy has inspired with this blog is invaluable. Re-reading this blog has reminded me of presentations and books by Serge Benhayon that share responsibility is first and foremost the choice of energy we align to – this makes for a simple reflection to feel from my body and how I am within what I am choosing and if I am indeed responsible in this very moment.
I don’t seem to be able to hear or read too often to come back to the body and that everything can be understood, known and decided from the body if we but allow the space to let the body communicate and guide us. So I delighted Kathy when I read ‘Being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels is the key to no longer harming self or others through the controlling behaviours I’d lived by.’
It makes sense that if we shaft responsibility then behaviours that control are an inevitable replacement. If this is so, then surrender must have quite a bit to do with being responsible. It is difficult to surrender if we don’t feel connected and held by the strength of our true selves – thanks for making this so clear in your blog Kathy and reminding me responsibility starts with the energetic quality of our being.
Although I can feel what true responsibility is I have recently begun to understand how to distinguish it from obligation and perceived expectations of others. It feels like true responsibility comes from what I know about everything rather than any one situation.
Michael, it is lovely when you can know the difference between knowing true responsibility for self and others in allowing and accepting it all starts with us first.
I agree Michael as the perceived image is very different to what is felt by the truth.
Thank you Kathy, I am blessed reading your blog. Where responsibility is discussed from its true origin and meaning instead of the avoidance of it.
Danna it is great when we get to a loving understanding of true responsibility. It is lovely when we come from the truth of the choices we make and allow to feel that truth in our body.
Yes Kathy, you are so right”
So true Danna. When responsibility becomes the focus of discussion at at dinner table, work place or with family and friends the reactions and judgements are a reminder to where we as humanity are not willing to go to.
We can also say that if responsibility is not truly discussed (whatever way: delayed, avoided, argued in any way shape or form) we are simply resisting to be honest and look at life and that how we life as a society is not it. And that we have not played our role of responsibility in it. This is why it is so beautiful to come back and discuss this – as it is forever freeing us from the emprisonment of holding back our truth, love, divinity on earth (which is our essence, even though we are living in physical existence, we must always remember that energy comes first).
I agree Fiona, feeling responsible for others not only robs and stunts their evolution it’s also abusive on our bodies and an imposition on our relationships. A total illusion!
Kathy, this is truly an inspiring blog, as Brendon said if we taught the true meaning of responsibility at school it would not be something that we would even want to avoid.
Thank you Denise, it would be great if true responsibility was taught at school, what a difference it would make for all humanity, we would all come from a loving understanding of acceptance for each other and allowing all to live our own choices in the moment of unfolding.
Great point Kathy. If schools were the foundation could you imagine the level of responsibility and community engagement that would occur.
“Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given. And, it is a gift I give to myself.” I have learnt through Serge Benhayon what true responsibility is. True responsibility has given me an understanding of myself and others in a more accepting and deeper way.
Sally Cranwell-Child, thank you for a lovely response to the blog. We are so blessed to have Serge Benhayon as a great reflection for us all in living true responsibility and allowing others to live their own choices of responsibility.
Gill thank you for sharing about learning a new level of true responsibility for self. It is so lovely when we feel, honour and nurture our body and take the steps to make changes to the way we live, so we can allow others to make their own choices.
Simone it so lovely to hear that you have come to an understanding of true responsibility of how it feels in the body. The ideals and beliefs of what takes hold of our way of living does not allows us to live who we truly are. Accepting responsibility for self first allows us to feel love, fragility, tenderness and the gentleness we all are.
Kathy, it was lovely to reread your blog today, to understand how we take on responsibility that isn’t ours to take on, and how true responsibility is about looking after ourselves, and our own choices.
Thank you Kathy. Serge Benhayon has also introduced to me the true meaning of responsibility and as you say it is a beautiful way to live. Living in a responsible way means that everyone and everything is considered as life is seen as a whole and not just its parts. It allows me to honour myself and in turn honour everyone else.
Elizabeth, thank you for your lovely comment. Serge is a great reflection for all, of truly being responsible for our choices and the way we live. It all comes back to us in allowing ourselves and others to come from an acceptance and appreciation for all equally in the choices we all make.
‘Being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels is the key to no longer harming self or others through the controlling behaviours I’d lived by.’ It feels the control is such a big player in this scenario. Whenever I allow space to let life flow there is no anxiousness about right or wrong, there is no overdoing to help other people and there is this connection with myself which allows me to care for myself first, without going into abusive behaviour because of the need to help others, which is a distraction of feeling what is going on for me in every moment of the day.
Annelies, that is beautifully expressed in how we can become controlling and live by the behaviours that control us instead of listening to the way the body feels. When we come from the body we trust all that unfolds before us is enough in all that has to be said or done without any effort, thinking or judgement. It all feels complete and loving, there is a flow of divine energy through our body that brings clarity, ease and harmony.
This is something I can very well relate to from personal experience, Ariana. I used to be the one who always tried to solve the problems of other people and again and again took on responsibility that was not mine. By honestly looking at why I did this in the first place, I had to admit to myself that I was doing this to have an excuse to not deal with my own stuff. It was not the prettiest lesson to take, that I in fact had used others to avoid my responsibility, but seeing through this game has been gold. I now am prepared to deal with my stuff and have made massive changes by that. I always thought responsibility to be a burden, but what I have learned through experience is, that it is a relief and joy to live responsibly, as I then can live just like I am, without having to play a role anymore.
When we take responsibility for how we live and act this gives us the power of living a life that feels true for us. Suddenly we do not have to feed so much energy into the constant game of setting up a stage play that we call our life, but can simply use all our resources to live our life in full.
It is beautiful Amita to see this confidence develop in others when they feel empowered by taking responsibility for themselves.
It is a good point Brendan, as adults we are living our unresolved childhood hurts until we choose to be self-responsible for our own healing and finally let go of the baggage we have carried for ages.
I too was born into a culture where responsibility is all about family and religion first and this is the trap as it creates a false foundation for relationships and something that becomes more like an arrangement between people as no one really takes responsibility for self first living in the illusion of doing good for others or being the victim and expecting others to take care of you.
This is a great sharing Kathy exposing how disempowering it is for another when we take responsibility for them – not to mention how overwhelming and futile it is for ourselves to do this.
When we take responsibility that is not ours, we indeed disempower others, as we rob them of the chance to make their own choices and learn from the results of these choices.
Great what you write. By being honest about things that need attention we have the choice to change it. Like I know for myself there are a few things now in my life that ‘get in the way’. I can pretend they are not there, then they only get bigger and louder. Or I can address them. It is just a matter of choice. That is where responsibility comes in.
Caroline what you write here is so true: “By being honest about things that need attention we have the choice to change it. Like I know for myself there are a few things now in my life that ‘get in the way’. I can pretend they are not there, then they only get bigger and louder. Or I can address them. It is just a matter of choice.” I have this experience also. Things that we want to and do avoid just keep coming back at us until they are so big we can’t avoid them any longer. In the end we have to address them but it gets harder and more complex the longer you leave it. So this begs the question, could this delay be part of our problem?
Thank you Kathy – now this …”I truly love being me, knowing in my heart that I am committed to making loving choices from which I can learn and grow. To have let go of the hurt has opened up so much joy in my life.” …is truly living.
I agree with you that “handing the responsibility back to where it truly belongs is very freeing indeed”. From a very young age I was thought and referred to as reasonable with all the burden that this entails. I took upon myself to live up to this description. That meant doing the thinking, organising, preparing, assuring the comfort of others. My well being was never considered, this in my book would have been unreasonable. I found deliverance with the teachings of Universal Medicine. I now understand the true meaning of taking responsibility. It is my responsibility to not feel responsible for anyone else but myself.
I find it interesting that this blog comes under the section on anxiety. I certainly know for myself that I have an underlying anxiety that shows up in all sorts of ways and one of those is in controlling the outside environment. Taking on responsibility for another is really a controlling act and, as you show here, does not, in truth, serve anyone but keeps this anxiety perpetuated although often cleverly hidden or disguised. Awesome that you have changed your relationship with responsibility, being responsible for yourself first, being kinder to yourself and listening to your body and can now “live life feeling pretty amazing every day” and rejoice in the knowing and living of true responsibility.
Great point to overcome overwhelm. Just bring it back to simplicity, re-connect to the body, engage in a so-called simple activity like cleaning. I know through this, there is always a way back to where I left the moment. A way back to see where I need to take responsibility for me and what is needed to be addressed.
It is great how you were able to see that your parents were just doing the best they could and not hold on to the hurt and blame them. This is true responsibility and the more responsibility we take on the more there appears to be.
I agree kevmchardy, it is easy to hold onto the hurts and blame our parents, but that in itself is not being responsible as having the willingness to bring understanding into the situation gets rid off of the blaming and allows true healing to take place.
Awesome point Brendon when most in their 60’s are looking forward to retirement we have a whole other wave coming through saying, Bring it on Im not done yet…Love it.
True responsibility is beautiful, I used to think it was all a burden that I had do this or that so I wouldn’t, What I realised from attending Universal Medicne events all those I think I should haves are simply ideals and beliefs that I bought into, toss them away and you want responsibility as you know it’s so needed – the world is crying out for it ….
Responsibility is such a great subject… We have our individual responsibility, our responsibility within the community, responsibility within our humanity, and yet all of these theatres of awareness would be, if true responsibility is taken, returning to the individual connecting with their deeper inner self and taking responsibility for their thoughts and their words and their deeds… Within this everything would be reconfigured and reconnected.
“Life is beautiful when we bring the divine truth from our past and learn to allow healing to take place” this line stands out to me I really appreciate my past and all that it has taught me and the healing opportunities it has presented.
Thanks for sharing your journey from seeing responsibility as a negative and a burden of where you felt you needed to be in control of others to the true meaning of responsibility of being self-loving and present for yourself first therefor offering others the expression of the true you.
When we realize that true responsibility starts “at home’ then we have the opportunity to ‘re-configure’ our whole lives, … nurturing our self worth and from there , interact with the world without the weight of the burdens we have placed upon ourselves.
A deeply inspiring blog to read and a beautiful reminder that the greatest gift we bring is being truly responsible for ourselves. I can totally relate to your words Kathy – Growing up with that sense of over-responsibility for everyone and everything in life was so demanding and fools us into believing we have to be perfect and thus, not ever feel good enough. Serge Benhayon’s presentations continue to inspire and reflect the truth of responsibility which makes complete sense.
“Through Serge’s teachings and the Universal Medicine workshops I have attended, I have come to truly understand that true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost”.
This blog made me realise again what true responsibility is about. It is about being conscious with all my choices, feeling what is needed in every moment.
Reading about responsibility has made me aware of how it is possible to ‘create’ a picture of responsibility that is overwhelming and exhausting. True responsibility is re-connecting to the love that we already are and living this every moment of every day – to hold this presence is enough. This is True Responsibility.
So true ch1956, I find as a man it is easy to carry this image of responsibility to be such a burden that is exhausting and debilitating, it is the lifestyle bubble for many as it allows them to function and do what needs to be done and justify the lack of time to not take responsibility for themselves and be more of who they are and that is the illusion.
To become aware that responsibility is in fact a loving act rather than something that requires arduous discipline is nothing short of a game changer.
I love this blog Kathy. Interestingly I was the youngest of 3 children, and when I was younger, I sometimes felt the behaviour of others was domineering and I felt bossed around. But because I felt hurt by the way others were with me, I then began to treat some of my friends in the same way and became known as being bossy. So it’s a great example of how, when we take on something that is not ours, it affects so many people. I love how you say ‘Responsibility is beautiful’, and in the true sense of the word, I agree with you. And how far is that from what we grew up believing responsibility to be?
A beautiful article and lovely to feel the appreciation you have for yourself and others. I have also found this reflection to be deeply inspiring “Thank you Serge Benhayon, for reflecting how beauty-full it is to be truly responsible.” I am learning what true responsibility is for me and is is a very wonderful and expansive experience to claim responsibility and learn to live from that place.
True responsibility would have to entail looking after yourself first as you cant look after somebody else if you cant look after yourself
I have come to truly understand that true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost. As the realisations dawned, that I had chosen to be responsible for everyone and everything around me first, I felt I had made a mess of not only my life, but that of all of my family members. Always helping everyone and fixing things had made me feel good about myself, and needed. It was a way of avoiding the deep hurt I still felt from my childhood. – Beautifully said Kelly.
Thank you Brendan for the lovely response to the blog. Misunderstanding does bring in the illusion of what is not true responsibility.
Hi Amita, thank you for your loving comment on the blog. When we get caught up in taking on too much and feeling that we are responsible, it starts to control us in that we need to be responsible because things will not get done or we will fall behind in our work, so that is when control starts controlling us and then this does not allow self or others to live our choices but live everyone else’s life.
Hi Simone, thank you for your lovely comment to the blog. It is so amazing when we truly come to the understanding of the truth of what we are doing to self and others when we come from the ideals and beliefs that we have to or need to be good and trying to be something or someone instead of living our truth.
Such a good point, and such a powerful feeling gained from your comment, that we each have issues to deal with and each have wounds that stem back to our childhood.
There is such a danger in feeling that the responsibility lies first and foremost with others as opposed to us having responsibility for ourselves first and then to those around us. I heard a mother recently talk about how she always thought that her children came first.. always and never did she even ponder on the idea that she had to look after her-self before she was able to truly nurture and look after her kids.. So many people feel this and forget to truly self – care.
Beautiful Kathy. True responsibility starts with each choice we make and it is a beautiful way to learn about how every single action and choice we make in life has an impact on everyone in the entire world. It is not a burden at all, and I realise that that feels more like an excuse to not step up and actually take true responsibility for our actions and choices.
Hi Simon, thank your for your great comment on the blog. Universal Medicine is truly amazing in all that it brings in allowing us to see the truth of what is truly going on and live in a way of making more loving choices for ourselves.
Thank you for inspiring me once again to stop trying to control my children’s lives out of fear that otherwise their lives might go astray. It is my fear, my pattern and I am meddling with their own responsibility.
This is such good one to let go of, and in that true healing starts to take place. The world is a scary place and we want the best for our children.. but are we in-hibiting them by controlling them?
When we take on other people’s responsibility we take away their opportunity to make more self loving choices for themselves, in order for them to heal.
I agree, absolutely. And it is so easy to fall into the pattern of taking self responsibility away from them. This serves no-one.
Having always taken on responsibility myself, it was not until I attended a presentation by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, that I then understood what true responsibility is.
“true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost.” This is a true gem and very timely for me to read. Thank you Kathy.
Kathy – what a transformation this is. I say this from the understanding of working with people who are in a very similar state to where you once were – ruled by other people’s praise, forever anxious.
And in this anxiousness – there is a resistance to change. There is a stubbornness to say ‘this is who I am and you have to accept me’ – when really -underneath all the self inflicted pressure, anxiety, sadness and criticism is a very sensitive person who craves love just like we all do.
The responsibility aspect is key – and I can feel the difference this has made to your state of ‘the world is against me’ to ‘I am a part of the world and I have a responsibility to that’
So beautifully summarised, plus you make a great point around anxiousness, when one is in anxiousness, there is a real resistance to change and a stubbornness. I can feel how this has been my own pattern and definitely underneath that stubbornness has been a sadness and a very sensitive person who was craving love, but also the need to take greater responsibility.
Thank you for expanding on this Reagan – yes I certainly see how under stubbornness is a sadness that seems to be the foundation of a lot of our choices and feelings at that time. But if we are willing to look at the sadness and what it is we feel we are missing in our lives, I have found that love and the responsibility to reflect true love to all can actually change how we as people are.
I loved reading your blog Kathy – you are so inspiring – you had a huge momentum of feeling the need to be responsible for others from such a tender young age and to now have turned that completely around is really beautiful. Now that you lovingly put responsibility for yourself first there is so much more of the real you in your interactions with all others.
Kathy, it is very inspiring to read your blog, true responsibility comes from knowing ourselves and making the choices that lovingly support us.
Presentations by Serge Benhayon made me aware that controlling others in the misapprehension that I was being responsible was holding them back from being and expressing all that they are. When I let go it was an almost instant blossoming for all of us and brought us closer together. When I let go of the burden of responsibility for others I was able to truly love them.
the false taking on responsibility for others is sometimes another distraction from having to take responsibility for oneself and in fact is a way of constructing life to ensure we don’t get exposed things we want to keep buried, and create further a life of illusion to enforce the story we have running.
Yes it is very healing when we start to take responsibility for what we have allowed in our lives and start to make some different choices.
“true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost.” I feel I will return to this blog many times. I can relate to it so easily and allow myself to go deeper with it’s message each time. True responsibility is so fundamental to our own well-being and what we bring to the world.
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” this is such a powerful realisation and one that when understood releases one form the illusion of being good.
Hi Francisco, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. The word good can mean lots of things and thus keep us in the illusion of feeling that we are helping others when instead we are harming not only ourselves and others equally.
Thank you Linda, for your great comment on the blog. It is so easy to take on helping others so that we cannot feel our hurt and pain. It is easy to be responsible for others and feel like we are doing something in a loving way but all in all we are harming self and others without truly knowing because we are always in the doing.
Thank you so much Jenny for your beautiful comment on the blog and feeling truly inspired by the simplicity of words. Making loving changes in life shows us how to truly live with one self and others lovingly.
Thank you Marcia for your lovely comment on the blog. True responsibility shows us how to be more loving towards ourself and that we deserve to take care of ourself in making more loving choices in having a true relationship with self first and then others.
Hi Amita, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. It is so easy to be caught up in being so controlling and over protective when you are taught at a young age to be responsible for the other siblings and feel that you have to make choices for all so that you are protecting oneself from being in trouble if something goes wrong. The eldest child in most cases is made to be the example of how to be responsible for all.
Hi Brendan, thank you for your lovely comment on the blog. Responsibility at any age is beautiful. Live the joy of responsibility by your loving choices.
Hi Sandra, for your lovely comment on the blog. It is truly amazing when we let go of taking responsibility for others and allowing them to make their own choices so they can learn to unfold in their own space and time.
‘Responsibility is beautiful’ Having spent most of my life avoiding responsibility it is great to read this comment and agree whole heartedly.Thank you Kathy for a lovely blog and to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine who have shown me the beauty in responsibility .
Jane thank you so much for your lovely comment on the Blog. When we come to the truth of what is truly going on in our life and then take on responsibility to change, it feels pretty amazing. The great reflection from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine has shown how to live true responsibility with love.
It’s such a different way of looking at our choices isn’t it? It turns the whole victim mentality on its head. It’s very empowering and something that once grasped, changes everything!
I’ve always had this idea that I have to have it all together or do it tough, that things can’t be easy or I can’t be seen to not be coping with something. I am learning about the importance of being fragile, not needing to just get through and also learning to just be with where I am at. At times this can be confronting but its a really important learning.
These are beautiful aspects of responsibility you share here Kristy especially the acceptance and allowing of ‘….learning to just be with where I am at.’
Thank you again for this blog Kathy, you have redefined responsibility from being the cause of something bad or needing to control others, to the true meaning – making loving and wise choices for ourselves first, so that we can bring our whole true self to every situation and to others. You have shown that it is never too late to make changes and heal from the past, living lighter and more joyfully each day. I am taking this inspiration into my day.
A lovely expansion of this blog bernadette curtin. “making loving and wise choices for ourselves first, so that we can bring our whole true self to every situation and to others.” is key. As I work on this I feel my relationship with responsibility changes all the time and I feel more committed to life from a true sense of purpose and love for myself and of humanity.
Hi Bernadette, thank you so much for your beautiful comment on the blog. Responsibility when defined sounds and feels amazing. It is so empowering making our own choices
by accepting the truth of what we feel from within in every situation and then allowing ourselves to live them in a more loving way.
Hi Bernadette, thank you for your great comment on the blog. Time does not matter when we come from a loving understanding in honouring self in making loving choices and living life to the fullest of joy, love and playfullness in true responsibility. Life is beautiful when we bring the divine truth from our past and learn to allow healing to take place.
“Life is beautiful when we bring the divine truth from our past and learn to allow healing to take place”, I love this Kathy. I have come to many realisations lately about how I have shirked responsibility and lived my life not being the true me, holding back and making excuses that I can’t make loving choices because I have ‘issues’! That’s nonsense of course, because any perceived issues I think I have don’t exist and I was just avoiding responsibility for myself and ultimately every person on this planet. True responsibility for me is to honour myself first, speak the truth and not hold back who I am… this is all new for me, and a little daunting, but if we are going to evolve, and that means all of us, it is time to grasp the reigns and take responsibility for all aspects of our lives. Thank you Kathy for your blog, and all the comments above, I shall take them out to my day as a constant reminder that I do have the power to change once I become responsible for being responsible! After all, what is the worse that can happen…. I come back to LOVE 🙂
It’s a real perspective shift isn’t it? I know that people who take responsibility for themselves feel very empowered by it, and it cuts the victim role completely.
Perfectionism is the most crippling and exhausting past-time – making us critical and judgemental of ourselves which is deeply undermining, but equally importantly we are unable to truly appreciate another and what they bring as the quality we are treating ourselves is not isolated to just us.
I just feel so inspired by what you say here Kathy, “It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.”
There are many themes within your blog that run parallel to my own life Kathy. In particular, and recently, I have felt how life for me as a child was so out of control, that I became very controlling of my surroundings so that I felt that there was some order, or so that I felt safe. As I grew older, and as my physical world became safe, I continued unaware with my controlling ways, wanting things to be a certain way, looking for perfectionism and then giving up when nothing went to plan. Control has kind of slipped away of late and a deeper acceptance has moved into its place. It has allowed me to feel more of who I truly am.
“Responsibility is beautiful” and so are you Kathy.
I grew up with the belief that responsibility meant ‘self-sacrifice’ – something I have a feeling you can relate to Kathy. Responsibility always felt heavy and always involved me being the last one to be considered so when I did commit to something and take responsibility for it I would often become resentful and exhausted, running myself ragged to try to live up to whatever perfectionist ideal of responsibility I had subscribed to. I have had a hard time shaking this and still find myself running with this story if I’m not paying attention and being fully present in my day, but like you and many others Kathy, I have been supported massively by Universal Medicine. I now have a sense of how responsibility in truth is a joyful and light way of being that involves putting ourselves first and foremost which naturally will support the whole. This is a sense I am nurturing to grow and I know it will be my way of being before too long because it is my natural way – the rest is the alien way that was adopted so the natural way was forgotten for a while.
I so relate to this sentence Lucy: “Responsibility always felt heavy and always involved me being the last one to be considered so when I did commit to something and take responsibility for it I would often become resentful and exhausted, running myself ragged to try to live up to whatever perfectionist ideal of responsibility I had subscribed to.” By putting perfectionism and exhaustion in the one sentence, you have triggered a definite Aha moment for me. Much for me to consider, thank you.
Hi Arianna, thank you for your great comment to the blog. It is very controlling when we take on others responsibility feeling that we are doing something worthwhile and then realising that you not only harm self but others, all because not wanting to feel our hurt and thinking we are protecting ourselves.
Hi Donna, thank you so much for your beautiful comment on the blog. The experiences we have as children, gives us the opportunity to see the patterns and behaviours we have being living through out our life. It is freeing when we come to the truth of what is truly going on, and allow self to come to a more loving understanding.
The whole world sees responsibility as something that weighs heavily on your shoulders, but actually responsibility is something very great because only when we take over responsibility for ourselves, others, nature or projects etc. we can truly evolve, so we could actually be very happy about being responsible…
Hi evamariafoertsch, thank you so much for your lovely reply. Making our own choices and living by those choices what brings in the beauty of self in everything we do as we learn by true responsibility we experience life in a more loving way.
I agree evamaria, I have felt that responsibility can be a burden and have shied away from true responsibility through the fear of letting others down in the past, however in realising that committing to myself consistently means that I am being responsible I have begun to enjoy the journey of self-discovery and unfolding that is starting to take place.
Kathy on re-reading this blog I paused at your words ‘It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.’ I recently have noticed pockets where I slip into this pattern, and am feeling the self-serving control that is in this behaviour. It is uncomfortable to feel, but in doing so there is more space to put my energy into being responsible for me. That is a big enough task in itself!
Hi hartanne60, thank you for your lovely comment on the blog. It is beautiful when we come back to being only responsible for our choices and letting others to live their life with the choices they make. This gives us more awareness of our body and the way we feel.
It is just awesome to hear you say that you have never felt better, also that you appreciate yourself and your transformation.
What an enormous responsibility you had for other people at a very young age. Now you have responsibility for yourself which will flow on to support others.
Hi Shirl, thank you so much for your lovely response to the blog. True Responsibility does allows us to appreciate and honour our choices we make without feeling a burden for others giving us the space to unfold in our livingness.
When you say ‘at 60, I have never felt better’ is a huge statement. It sounds like it is going against the usual downward slide to aches, pains and problems. You are representing the possibility of what happens when we take responsibility and reflect on our choices. Awesome Kathy.
Hi Matthew, thank you for your awesome comment to the blog, I love that you expressed how we naturally think when we get to a certain age, when life can be joy, if we choose to live life to the fullest, no matter what the age is. True Responsibility is beautiful.
As I was growing up I learnt responsibility as being able to look after myself , getting a job, saving enough money to buy a home and always doing the ‘right’ thing. I have since learnt that that is not true responsibility. True responsibility for me now is choosing to be me in every moment.
Hi Heidi, thank you for your lovely comment to the blog. True responsibility is all about in the moment and enjoying the space in all that you do and bring in life.
Thank you Kathy for sharing this. I can so relate to great deal of your life experiences. The over responsibility, the perfectionism, the depression, anxiety, the constant focus on others needs before my own. I love how you have turned things around to take responsibility for you first and how responsibility now feels beautiful. The feels really amazing.
I love the link you have pointed out between feeling responsible for everyone else, that then brings with it the need to control every situation, feeling if something goes wrong for another, it is our responsibility. And how this way of living is very stressful and creates anxiety, as one can never control what happens to another person.
Yes that is so true. It can be a big issue in families. Mothers can often blame themselves for everything that “goes wrong” with their children, even when they are adults. They worry and/or feel guilty, a trait that can be deeply influenced by the catholic church, and they never get out of their stressed, anxious and emotional energy.
‘It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.’
It can be very harmful to others when we take responsibility for others, as we are in fact teaching them how to live in an irresponsible way, never allowing them to feel lives lessons and ‘laws’, about what happens if we are irresponsible
What a huge change Kathy, from being responsible for everyone else first, to being loving and caring for yourself first, and how that actually benefits everyone, as how we treat ourselves is then how others experience us.
When we are hard and judgemental on ourselves then we treat others in this way.
Life is one big lesson if we choose to see the outcomes we create, we can choose to learn from them and take responsibility for our actions or not. True responsibility takes it deeper again to read between the lines so to speak at why life presented us with the lesson in the first place, being fully responsible for the reflections life shows us … as we create our own reality.
“I have come to truly understand that true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost.” It’s amazing when we do this then everything else becomes clear.
Thank you Kathy for your awesome article and the little gem I felt to repeat here from the comment above “…allowing others to make their own choices.” These few words are I find a great reminder that we do not have to convert or influence anybody – just reflect the love that we are and allow others to make their own choices.
Hi Roberta, thank you for your beautiful comment on the blog. It is so honouring for all when we all take responsibility for the choices we make for our own folding and living life through those choices.
HI Shirl, thank you for your loving comment on the blog. True responsibility is very powerful and loving to self and others equally.
HI Jenny, thank you for your beautiful comment on the blog. When we come to the truth of what true responsibility is, there is a power inside oneself that shows us that the choices we make is about loving who we truly are and living that each day.
Serge Benhayon is a great reflection of true responsibility first in self. Living that in truth brings divine love for all equally.
Yes well said Kathy… it never ceases to amaze me the way it all works… so divinely beautiful!
Hi Sally, thank you for your loving comment on the blog. Being taught doing the right thing by everyone first, is never ending until the realisation that it takes away of living your choices and truly having a loving relationship with self. You then come to an .understanding of true responsibility,
Hi raegankcairney. thank you for your beautiful comment on the blog. It is all about our choices and truly being honest with self, feeling the hurt. then letting go. knowing that we can always come back to us making loving choices.
Hi Sandra, thank you for your beautiful comment on the blog. The more we choose being responsible for self the more awareness we have about what is truly going on. We start to appreciate self and what we bring, the miracles confirming our love for self and others equally.
Hi Sonja, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. It is truly beautiful when we do loving choices and take true responsibility for self, letting go of the distractions.
I’ve noticed people actually striving for less responsibility because of the way the world is set up. The quicker someone can leave work and ‘get out of here’ is so common these days. I even hear it at the checkout or in conversations where people are wanting to ‘get away’ from their life and have a holiday, and these holidays seem to be getting longer and longer every year. It is as if life is a burden and too much to handle.
Yes this is a very astute observation, I know how this feels because for years and years this is how I lived. Life was all about escaping and living for holidays, no real commitment to just being me, day in day out.
‘I became someone obsessed with doing everything ‘right’, a perfectionist in my work, the way I lived and everything I did’. I can relate to this line in particular, but for me it was a way to control my life and everyone in it. Unfortunately this way of being only sets us up for failure and self worth plummets even further.
So true Julie. We cannot control anyone or anything, no matter how hard we try. What we can do is make responsible choices and suddenly the need for control is not there as we will be at ease with what we have chosen, at ease with ourselves.
This is an excellent comment Michael and so true, we let go of control when we can take responsibility for ourselves. Essentially we don’t need to control anyone else, taking responsibility is so freeing and puts the focus right back where it needs to be- on us.
Responsibility is sold as a heavy weight when we are young and this has an impact throughout our lives. The bigger the responsibility, the bigger the consequences and too often we see these consequences played out as difficult or hard times, which send the message to avoid it, when naturally we are here to evolve and develop in whatever ways we feel is needed.
I agree Mathew words like responsibility and commitment are sold to us as heavy weight growing up, something to be avoided – when the truth is they are light, fun and playful and create true freedom and joy.
Agreed Mathew, so often responsibility when I was young was tainted with pressure to be or do something.
Matthew, I have never really considered this deeply before but how true it is that “responsibility is sold as a heavy weight” and something to be avoided.
And yes, if the name of the game is evolution, then responsibility is a big player, but not necessarily a heavy weight.
It’s amazing then, that you have made such a shift, from the fear to the emancipation of owning all your choices and how it all impacts. Being accountable is very honourable, and if we take responsibility for how we behave then we have nothing to fear.
Yes agree, it was sold to us and still is being sold to women. This is the problem – it’s not being challenged by the vast variety of women, yet ironically this is the best way for us to serve others, is by focusing on the quality we are in with ourselves first and foremost.
What a gorgeously told turn around of your life Kathy. How easy would it have been for you to remain completely trapped in that mould of suffering and burden with a warped and if I might say righteous sense of what responsibility is. I am not saying that righteousness came through your blog, far from it. But I know people who live that way, their shoulders hunched and laden with the cares of others and a certain righteousness tends to creep in to their demeanour.
You have healed a pattern that could have held you down for a lifetime, as oppressed as a slave carrying heavy load of stones upon their weary back.
And here you are today, a testament to the Livingness, a woman reclaimed in love and the freedom that only love can bring.
Pure inspiration.
Hi Dr Rachel Mascord BDS, thank you for your great response to the blog. It is true about how we do become trapped in our burdens of suffering and feeling righteousness that we are doing the right thing and never seeing what is truly going on. I feel it is only when we hit rock bottom in life that we can no longer live in a way that we have done for so many years that you start to realise that there is more to life if you choose to be honest with self and truly see what is truly going on from the inside out. Being truthful with self is a beautiful gift to give to self and come to a loving understanding that everything is about choices and through those choices is what makes our life the way we live and learn. Truly enjoying all the love that you are.
Yes I know the righteous demeanour you speak of Rachel, it’s very obvious and oppressive of others and easily felt. It’s a case of misery breeding misery, and no one benefits from it.
Kathy, this is such a powerful blog. We often have a misguided sense of what responsibility is and in doing so avoid true responsibility so as you say taking care of others first, we can find a role for ourselves and not feel us and our hurts and deal with them. I love how you’ve turned around your life and how your new choices to take responsibility and look at yourself first has changed everything. It’s a huge lesson to learn and one I’m learning and unfolding still and always.
Hi monicag2, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. Everything starts with us first, when you come to that honesty and truth about self, you start to make loving choices and understand your hurts in a loving way which allows you to learn and unfold in the way you live.
Taking responsibility for myself in full actually feels like a relief in my body, as it is it’s most natural way of being. It brings a sense of worth and commitment that allows one to move forward and grow. When we don’t take responsibility and prefer to instead blame or judge, we reduce ourselves and become very dense and heavy.
Thank you Kathy, I love what you share about taking true responsibility, and it doesn’t mean to take on everybody’s stuff. Truly taking care and being responsible for our own well-being is such an amazing start.
‘Responsibility is beautiful.’ This is a powerful stand alone statement and in my experience it is true. I feel so much more myself when I am being fully responsible.
I agree entirely Fiona and would also add that there is a great falsehood in the reason why people try to fix other people’s problems. It is an easy way to avoid the greater responsibility of looking after ourselves and a way to avoid the hard truth of the problems in our own lives. An absolute denial of our own responsibility and a cunning way to try to make ourselves feel better.
To add to what you have added Otto identifying our self as a person who is into fixing other people’s problems can also be a ploy to win the acceptance and appreciation from others that one is not willing to give to oneself.
Absolutely Kathleen. Society praises those that help other people. It is the mainstay of the Christian Religion and has kept millions away from their truth. It is also the grand illusion of charity – which applauds people from ignoring their own hurts.
Absolutely agree Fiona, Otto and Kathleen we are either brought up to care for others or to be cared for. There is a clear strategy and illusion behind to not let people feel the nurturing aspects of self-care and responsibility for ourselves first as this would bring up empowered people who are not that easy to manipulate as they know their truth. Specifically the institutionalized forms of religion are playing a big part in this as it guarantees obedient and easy to be ruled people. Someone who knows their truth lives it and does not seek recognition in the falseness of irresponsible helpers.
So very true Otto. Other people’s problems and faults are engaging and take a huge amount of focus and attention, not to mention lots of thinking about on top of all the doing. In fact it is exhausting, so when the time comes for us to attend to our issues, well perhaps there isn’t any. Taking responsibility for others is a colossal distraction, and one that takes us away from the only thing we can actually work on… ourselves.
You have absolutely nailed it Ottobathurst when you say “An absolute denial of our own responsibility and a cunning way to try to make ourselves feel better.” It is so much easier to direct our focus on other peoples problems in order to avoid looking at and dealing with our own.
Great thread here revealing what’s really at play when we take care of others out of a need (yours as opposed to theirs) and that this very entrenched belief that taking care of yourself first is selfish needs constant chipping (and the odd banging) away that this is simply not true. As you said Ottobathrust – we would be in a zillion better place if we did that first. i know that since I have started to take better care of myself, I am in a much better place to care for others. I stand on a much solid platform.
I agree ottobathurst. Focusing on others problems is simply just a way of avoiding our own and is a completely irresponsible way to live.
It can also be a way to cushion ourselves from life and reality, if we can fix another’s problems or ‘help’ them to avoid a mistake, then we don’t have to feel the sadness and our own reaction to a fellow brother’s process and the truth of where people are at and what they are choosing.
You quote the age of four as being when the stress of living this way started. And then you go on to say that it was at the age of 54 that you came across Universal Medicine. Fifty years. After all that time it is so inspiring to hear how your life and your approach to life has turned around. So many of us get so trapped and set in our ways, choosing the comfort of the life that we know rather than having the courage to see that it was our choices that got us there, therefore we can also choose another way. Huge respect Kathy and thank you for sharing your inspiring journey.
Hi ottobathurst, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. When you look truly inside of self and come to the truth and honesty of the choices you made, there is a realisation that everything starts with you and you can only be responsible for self which allows you to let go of the ideals and beliefs that have been holding you in patterns and behaviours that are not true, just an illusion that was taught to hold us back of our true expression for all to live equally in the choices we all make,
That is beautifully expressed. Your story inspires me. Both my parents and almost all of their friends – even at the young age of sixty were ALL hiding under the comfort cloak of “too late now” or ” can’t teach an old dog new tricks” or “what’s the point” or “we’ve only got one life” blah..blah..blah.. Thus I have extra admiration for your commitment and courage. Of course, once re-incarnation is accepted as the truth that it is, then temporal age becomes utterly irrelevant.
Just the first paragraph is amazing to read; holding ourselves responsible for other people actions and choices is a lifetime sentence of unavoidable stress.
These are wise words Kosta. I can relate to feeling overwhelmed by engaging in my day to day responsibilities whilst on top of this trying to meet my harsh expectations or that of others. When I can identify what needs to be done and just do that without the added extras, the burden is no longer there.
Absolutely Kathy, our generation has the ability to lay the foundations of responsibility!
Hi Fiona, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. Truly caring for self first, lets you feel your own body and gives you the awareness what true responsibility truly means. You come from acceptance of loving self and others, appreciating the time and space for all to grow equally.
Hi Sandra, thank you for your loving comment on the blog. It is truly beautiful when we have awareness and how much it supports us when we take true responsibility for self and accepting others to live by their choices, is a true blessing and the magic of God’s miracles.
Hi Floris, thank you for your lovely comment on the blog. I feel control has an effect on all because we use it as a form of protection from the hurts and pain we do not want to feel. This can have a huge effect on our bodies constantly fighting ourselves for the outcomes that we feel are the way they should be. When we come to the truth of true responsibility for self first, it allows us to see the patterns, behaviours, ideals and beliefs and we then come from a more loving understanding not only for self but for others equally.
When I have tried to put up these walls of protection, trying to impose control on others so that I do not have to feel my own hurts, all I get is a frustrated feeling of failure when they do not change. This clearly indicates to me that this does not work, and if i honestly look at, and deal with my own hurts first, life flows more easily, then I can allow others to be who they are, and deal with their own stuff, knowing that I am open to support their choices with honesty, not imposing criticism.
Hi Gill, thank you for your beautiful comment on the blog. Making loving choices for self is very empowering. Our bodies are truly amazing, they give us the awareness of what is truly going on without imposing on self or others.
Hi elainearthey, Thank you for your beautiful response to the blog. Responsibility is very beautiful when you come to a loving understanding that self comes first in all that you do, letting go of the hurts and allowing self to live from inner truth.
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” Reading this blog this morning this paragraph stood out to me reminding me that everyone has free will to make their own choices in life and the path they choose is up to them it is their responsibility to discern no matter what we see their current direction of their life choices.
Hi margaret, thank you for your lovely comment on the blog. When we choose to be responsible for self this allows free will for all equally,to live life in true responsibility by the choices we all make.
So true Raegan: It is always a choice.
Either we can get entangled in the past, or observe and learn from this past, but leave it behind and constantly move on.
Taking true responsibility for ourselves first is something we should get taught from an early age on as this will make such a difference in our lives and will let us become active and truly caring members of the society and relationships we live in.
What I’ve got here is that every time my responsibility feels like a burden – I am on the wrong track. True responsibility is a blessing and it starts with myself first. If I feel overwhelmed or under pressure I lost my connection to me, I gave up on my responsibility. That’s very interesting and a great reflection.
Great Anon. The blame game is so destructive and it just pollutes relationships even further. At some point it is up to us to parent ourselves out of the misery we feel towards situations and events that have occurred in the past that have hurt us. This is why the relationship with ourselves is vital and to bring self love and self care back into our life.
Trying to make everyone happy and fixing their issues was exhausting and I can tell that this way of taking on the responsibility from others was not doing any good to anyone. I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life. This clarity helped me to stopp his game of illusion.
‘To have let go of the hurt has opened up so much joy in my life.’ It is amazing, Kathy, that you were able to open up and let the truth in after all you have been through. And I agree letting go of our hurts and understanding that our parents didn’t know any better, is the most loving thing we can do for ourselves and everyone around us. Thank you for sharing.
Hi Vanessa, thank you for your loving response to the blog. When we have a true responsibility to self we get a more loving understanding of who we truly are and allowing ourselves the time and space to have clarity in deepening our truth, letting others to live their own choices.
Hi Maree, thank you so much for your great response to the blog. Being responsible is truly about not wanting to control anything around you, it is just being you and making loving choices for self. When we are trying to control things it is about expectation of others and not trusting self in what is truly going on. By allowing to observe the situation you get to feel the truth of what is needed without being critical of self or others.
“learn from making their own choices in life.” This is the greatest gift and freedom we can give, not only to others but also ourselves.
Thank you Kathy, what a remarkable story of your life, and inspiring to see how the support of Universal Medicine and what Serge Benhayon presents in workshops, has made quite an impact in the way you accept, let go and live your life, without holding on to any childhood issue. Most definitely liberating and very healing.
Kathy, I feel the biggest hurt for me was my expectation of being perfect, and the control it took to maintain this state. How this continually made my life joy-less. It sucked all the joy out of my life. It had been so engrained in me that I felt like I couldn’t feel me.
Now when I stop and feel the loveliness of me from the inside, perfection and control don’t exist. And I can feel absolute joy in all that I do. I am now unfolding and allowing my imperfections.
Beautiful Amelia – “my only responsibility is to be all of me” I love this line. This is a huge responsibility, but as you have shown, this is not only a responsibility to ourselves but to others, offering a reflection of true responsibility and inspiration. With this level of responsibility there is no room for blaming others.
“true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost…taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” I love these lines from your blog Kathy. You have shown what true responsibility is and the harm that can be caused when we take on responsibility for others – the harm to ourselves but also the harm to them. Thank you for sharing this powerful example of learning what true responsibility is.
A beautiful and touching blog Kathy thank you. It never ceases to amaze me the sort of crippling circumstances so many of us grow up in, but regardless of the hardship, the entrenched patterns we cultivate to avoid dealing with how much it hurt and the dysfunctional, disharmonious relationships we form as a result… that within a few short years of applying the teachings of Universal Medicine sees a transformation I have never witnessed before with such ease, conviction and true resolution. Thanks for such an honest and down to earth account of your life and journey of healing… it is truly inspirational.
I agree Jenny. It is lovely to read these blogs and be inspired by the way in which people have been able to overcome their life circumstances and deal with their issues without blaming or anger. What Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon presents is true healing.
“It was deeply humbling when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life. “- great lesson to learn Kathy
I also took on other people’s issues as my own as a nurse, but am now learning to accept life as it is, and not feel responsible for other peoples’s unloving choices.
Dear Kathy, your childhood story is quite extreme and yet here you stand today neither ruled nor crippled by it by becoming deeply honest and embracing true responsibility. Nearly everyone (unless they have healed or were untouched by their childhood) in essence is playing the same game of life you were a prisoner to, only now you have escaped and have a bit of prison dust to shake off. The fortitude you applied in childhood and took into your adult life as a bastardized version of responsibility leaves me with no doubt that now you understand true responsibility you are someone to rub shoulders with as what you have healed without perfection can be applied to any childhood healing – the difference is only in the details. For this reason I will be sure to rub shoulders with you by coming back to read this again.
I am glad you shared this Kathy; responsibility is a big one for most of us. Through Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have come to a deeper understanding of responsibility and feel more clarity on where my responsibility lies. Like you say Kathy, our first responsibility is to ourselves. The messiest times in my life have been where I went against what I felt was true.
There is a direct link between responsibility and self care, the greater love we have with ourselves translates to greater responsibility. Self love and self care develops the awareness that automatically allows for greater responsibility.
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.” This has come to me again to remind me we are all responsible for our own evolution !
I can relate to his Alexander, thinking I am doing something good for others, may be very imposing. And we do not allow the other to choose for themselves and to learn from the experience. This is actually also quite arrogant.
I agree, Adam – an everyday example is when you travel with the plane the safety instructions in case of emergency are: Put on the oxygen mask first and then help others. Simple but revealing.
Yes Sonja and it also follows that if you have taken responsibility for yourself, you will also be far more discerning about when it is appropriate to help another or not. Learning this balance is something many get to practise with children growing up. It is very gratifying to see a child accept responsibility as they grow and as a result becoming responsible adults.
This is a beautiful and wonderful story Kathy and I really get to feel inspired by the choices that you made to bring true love back into your life. It is sometimes difficult for people to come to the realisation that you did and it is a amazing thing that you have done.
This is gold indeed Adam, yes so many of us think that self sacrifice is the highest good we can offer to others. I agree the underlying motives are also not really pure, often self sacrifice comes with very strong resentment and judgement of others who do not make the same choice. It’s all so laced and no true good is served. I can say I have been so graced by and learned so much from people who put themselves first. They do not ignore their responsibilities to others. They simply live from the appreciation that how they care for themselves impacts others for the better, so it’s worthy of particular dedication and focus.
Kathy thank you for sharing, I too felt responsibility for everyone else except myself, but now as I accept who I am and take responsibility for that alone everything has changed and I am now minding my own business which is my life and life is so much simpler and easier because my life is my business i.e. I am here on Earth to live my life as the Son of God that I am and make that business a success in serving humanity.
I love your summation Susan Wilson, for too long I went around thinking I was minding my own business but in actual fact I was minding everyone else’s and neglecting my own! In fact ‘ my own business ‘ had no foundations to support me anyway and it’s no wonder I looked outside of myself to give my life a purpose. Now I am in the same business as you ” eg I am here on Earth to live as the Son of God that I am and make that business a success in serving humanity.”
Control is something that has come up for me to review just this week, seeing others behaving in controlling ways and then also in myself. Perhaps this is why I was stopped in my tracks when I read your sentence, “I was an extremely nervous person, always needing to control what went on with everyone in the family, and also in my work place.” I can now feel the nervousness that is in control …. but why? Is it that I am looking for a particular outcome, am I worried it will be a poor reflection on me, am I just trying to make something work in a way that I need it to work so that I feel safe. Maybe it is all of this. This needs more time to feel deeply, but I can feel the stranglehold it has when I am the receiver of control, like i’ve been put in a box with no way of expression. Thank you Kathy for this insight.
Kathy, I must say that you have presented so much that has resonated with me that I am not sure where to start first. Whilst, the presentations of Serge Benhayon reflected something to you, I can say that this blog has reflected something to me. Thank you for sharing,
Hi alexander1207, thank you for your great response to the blog. It is so lovely when we choose to take true responsibility, how everything that is not true falls away and gives us the time and space to live our truth.
Hi Anne, thank you so much for your lovely comment on the blog. It is so empowering to come back to being responsible for self first and letting go of all others needs. This allows us to come from a more loving understanding of self and to truly start enjoying all of who we truly are.
Hi Alison, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. Allowing ourselves to be open to the situations shows us that there is always another way to live.
Hi Vanessa, thank you for your loving response to the blog. Understanding true responsibility gives us back our life of choices and then allows others to live their own choices, with loving acceptance for all equally to develop and deepen their own lives.
Wow Kathy your life’s experiences and the turnaround achieved show that the choices we make to care for, and nuture ourselves first, can have dramatic effects on us and all those around us. Your story is truly inspiring and it is a joy to hear of the amazing life you are now living. Yes Kathy, “Responsibility IS Beautiful.”
Responsibility is something that I tried very hard to run from….but now the joy that I feel in my body when I make the choice that leads to greater and greater responsibility feels amazing – so therefore I conclude that true responsibility is amazing.
Kathy, what you have shared here about your childhood, your life and your development to take true responsibility for yourself first and how this has changed your life is impressing, absolutely awesome and inspiring! How truly life-changing it is to understand, what you have understood and what you are living now: “It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are”. To first let go of the hurt of being responsible for everything and everyone of the 4 and than being so honest to feel how imposing and controlling a false responsibility can be, is so grand. Thank you for sharing your development here.
I agree Alexander. In a way it was a silent deal. I do something good for you and you do something good for me. Than we don’t care for ourselves and give our power away to others. Which doesn’t feel right. And especially to think we know what is good for the others person, which in fact is imposing. Then we don’t let the person the time to choose for themselves.
I know the deals very well, I can still see myself choosing these deals. As if I’m somewhere stubbornly resisting that I’ve been all my life just responsible for me. I’ve been and still am most of the time very busy with ‘controlling’ the situation, rather than enjoying myself in the presence of another or others. I’m getting more honest about it, but I have to admit that it’s quite an ingrained behaviour. It’s like ‘losing the purpose to life’. What a lie… How can it be different that my first and foremost purpose is to be me everywhere I go and in everything I do. Even when typing this…
Thank you Kathy Avram for sharing your inspiring transformation from overwhelm and depression to self love. Amazing!
“Responsibility is Beautiful” this is so true only if we are honest about the way we have been managing life is not working and that there is more magnificence if we are willing to look deeper within ourselves.
It is surprising that it is not taught in schools, schools have taken responsibility and put it into something they have to do or there will be consequences, for example you have to responsible for your behavior and your school equipment. But what often is the case is that it doesn’t teach how responsibility can create a freedom rather than making responsibility into a chore.
Absolutely Ben, rules that are given at schools are like a punishment so the students react, and so much so they usually do the opposite somewhere down the track (youth-full rebellion). Whereas the presentations by Serge Benhayon share how true responsibility is played out, with loving choices, and the evolving consequences; through sharing true love we take responsibility for who we truly are! Responsibility cannot be separated from reincarnation; it is up to us to ultimately know that we have to be responsible for all our choices and the effects, which those choices have on others and us! This then becomes life changing as a true awareness dawns on us opening the door to truth, allowing responsibility to be a loving lived truth – no perfection just to the best of our ability!
“Being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels is the key to no longer harming self or others through the controlling behaviours I’d lived by.” Kathy, I have also felt how I had been using control. But I feel how this was a distraction to not take responsibility for myself, always looking out there at what everyone else should be responsible for. That way I didn’t love or care for me, or stop to feel my hurts.
Likewise Vanessa. It is so twisted that we are taught to do it the other way around, putting others first thinking this is the ‘right’ thing to do. All these imposed upon ideals and beliefs that stop us from connecting to the true gold. Teaching another self-responsibility is the one of the greatest gifts to receive.
If I was taught self responsibility in school – this would have changed everything. As a teenager I would not have been so angry and hurt.
Thank you for sharing your story Kathy. The healing that you have instigated for yourself and your family by taking true respnsibility for yourself first and foremost is huge. You have blessed their lives in so many ways.
So true Kathy. I have been learning this and living it more and more in my life and the evolution for all involved has been amazing.
I agree Vanessa. There is no greater responsibility than building loving relationships with everyone we meet. Our beliefs and the way we were raised often masks responsibility in controlling others rather than giving them the choice to be themselves. In this we forget that the biggest responsibility is looking after ourselves first.
The pressure put on young children is very hard. They become the replacement that is not working in the family. It can and does have long term negative affects in adult life.
As adults we keep living in out as if that was our choice of how to be when in fact it was imposed on us to be a certain way to suit the situation of the then adults.
What a great blog of healing and letting go of hurts. I was impressed that after the extremely hard beginning of being and adult at 4, and having that stress at that age, you have let go of any resentment towards your parents or your situation…it obviously had terrible consequences in the stress and deep dissatisfaction in your life, but you found the way to healing, to meeting Serge Benhayon and to letting go of all that pressure to finally find yourself and the beauty of being there for you. And the appreciation that one feels in your story is clear.
Hi Julie, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. Meeting Serge Benhayon was a great turning point. That true responsibility is a great healing, in letting go of resentment and stress and living life from love.
Hi Julia, thank you for your beautiful comment on the blog. Serge Benhanyon is a true expression of true responsibility which you cannot not help but come from a loving understanding about what is true responsibility for self and others. It so beautiful and freeing when you get to really feel you after all the burdens are left behind of taking care of others and not allowing them to live their truth.
Great sharing Kathy, only a student of the livingness would not blame their parents for what happened to you, even with what we know, I think I would still be very dog on my parents if they had me changing napies and what not aged four. They stole your childhood away. It is amazing how you put all that aside and took total responsibility for yourself.
Hi kevmchardy, thank you for your great response to the blog. When you come from love and truly feel that life is there to show us how to truly live without hurts and pain you start to make more loving choices for self and others equally.
I go a lot out of this line..”Being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels is the key to no longer harming self or others through the controlling behaviors I’d lived by.” There’s so much here for me to look at with regard to my own experience of life.Looking at this will be the difference to either surviving life by getting through it, feeling less than or living life by meeting it with the fullness of who I truly am.
Hi Irena, thank you for your beautiful response to the blog. Letting our selves truly feel of what is truly going on allows us to live life to the fullest in a loving way.
And it does not really mean taking responsibility is hard to do, it actually lifts up the self-confidence and brings back your own power.
Wow, what you share Kathy is unbelievable, I have never heard that a 4 years old could change nappies and feeding babies. This is amazing how you have changed your life. Taking responsibility for yourself was your big turn around.
With regards to your comment Vanessa, I just learned in a child and adults safeguarding course that doing things for them (children and vulnerable adults) that they can do for themselves, like dressing them or washing them, is considered abuse. I know in this case they have something else in mind, but it is interesting, as I have always thought that in the culture I come from, latin family, mothers are so smothering that they do everything for you and especially for the boys so they grow up not knowing how to look after themselves.
It is abuse in the sense that they then need a woman to do all those things, how capping and limiting is that. It is the other end of the scale, no responsibility for oneself.
Hi monika2808, thank you so much for your loving response to the blog. It is pretty amazing where life takes you and how beautiful it is to come to a loving understanding of what true responsibility is all about.
That we as adults can rob our children of the ‘sense of independence, confidence in their abilities’ is a big ouch. But as Julia mentioned this is common in southern cultures of Europe, I grew up like this and it took me a very long time to get responsible and independent. I never considered this behavior of parents wanting to do everything for their child as ‘abuse’ – but in the end both suffer, the parents and the children when they grow up and are not able to live their own life, but only struggle. So if you rob a person of any age of their independence, this may be considered as abuse. We place them under disability.
Great blog, Kathy, Thankyou. Taking on responsibility for others enabled me to focus on them and so not take responsibility for myself. Thus a very controlling way of being – subtle but there all the same. My expectations, my picture, of how life should be revolved around myself as the central point – how self-absorbed was that! In contrast, since discovering Universal Medicine, I now am more aware of the people around me and bring more understanding and less judgement.
Karin that is a great comment! I also realise now that I have manipulated others to take responsibility for what only I can fulfil. Big ouch!
Beautiful blog, Kathy. How great it is to develop self-love and self-responsibility!
Letting go of having to do it right, has been a huge relief and redefined my sense of what being responsible is for me.
Kathy, I can so relate to the responsibility within the family, the anxiousness and the control of others. For me this was such an exhausting and complicated way to live and does not serve anyone especially myself. I too have learnt that true responsibility is caring and loving yourself first and in this you set yourself free from the complication of life to one of simplicity.
I agree Kathy this “others first, self last” culture is so prevalent in our society, I know I grew up believing that I had to be responsible of those around me and it nearly killed me, thank goodness for Serge Benhayon for showing me what true responsibility is all about.
I enjoyed reading this Blog and felt inspired and appreciative of how far I have come in my life, true responsibility starts with me first and it is beautiful to feel. Thank you Kathy.
This was such a beautiful blog to read Kathy. I could feel how full on that false impression of responsibility can be and it is an expectation that can never be lived up to no matter who you are performing the task for – yourself or others. “Responsibility is beautiful” to experience when you understand and live it in truth as you. Myself and many others are learning to do, inspired by Serge Benhayon.
Thank you Suzanne for your lovely response to the blog. It is a blessing to have someone like Serge Benhayon express what true responsibility really means. As children it is hard to express our truth and so it is easier to conform with what is going on.
Kathy, your childhood sounded horrendous. It wasn’t even a childhood, you were living an adult life at the age of 4. How amazing you are to recognise responsibility for what it truly is and how you have freed yourself from the ideals and beliefs you had around responsibility. It’s all about choice and you choose to face your hurts and now you have given yourself a chance to heal. That’s awesome Kathy – well done.
Agree Yasmin, I like this simple sentence by Kathy, “Responsibility is beautiful”.
I love your shared story, because it shows even in a mature age that things and patterns can change if you are open to feel the hurt hidden behind them. You are never too old to let go of what you are not.
Could not have put it better myself Katemarony1! Totally agree. That culture of ‘others first, self last’ is so ingrained in us, and then we wonder where all the resentment and anger comes from later in life. It’s amazing what happens when we piece everything together and track back to where it all started, where we left ourselves.
I agree Elodie, this belief of ‘others first and self last’ is very much ingrained in us, and I feel is a major contributor to why we get sick and ill at regular intervals in our life because our battery is constantly empty, so when we get sick, we have to stop, rest and recharge and then we go out again to repeat more of the same…..this is what I did!
Absolutely Danna, true responsibility is a deeply loving act, through which, it is impossible to impose on or harm self or others, leaving the way clear for harmony, love and brotherhood. Beauty-full!
Whenever I am reminded of what true responsibility is and let go of the responsibility I think I have for others, I feel my whole body relax. It’s obvious but I need constant reminders to undo this pattern. We can only be responsible for ourselves. In fact focussing on being responsible for everyone else is a way to avoid that personal responsibility.
This is what I have discovered that I do also in the sense of covering up the feelings of not loving myself by focusing on someone else. The stress I feel when I am thinking of someone else, and then how my body lets go when I become aware of that pattern and chose to bring it back to me: what am I not giving myself? and then give that attention to me, makes a big difference in my body.
So beautiful! Thanks to both of you!
Thats a pretty amazing turnaround Kathy. Thanks for sharing it with everyone. Amazing to see how much something that looks so ” Right” can actually not really be the right thing at all.
To me, responsibility is self-care. This is the foundation on what everything is built. With a solid and strong foundation of caring and nurturing myself, my responsibility for everything else is lifted and an attention to detail naturally emerges, ensuring I take this level of responsibility in every single step that I take.
Hi matthew, thank you for your lovely comment to the blog. It is so beautiful when you take responsibility for self first builds a strong loving foundation.
I can truly feel how you and your life blossomed after you met Serge Benhayon / Universal Medicine. Your joy is deeply felt.Thank you for sharing it with us.
Hi stefihenn, thank you for your loving comment on the blog. Serge Benhahon and Universal Medicine have brought so much to life, in living a way that brings so much joy, truth, harmony and love in all that is expressed in living each day.
True responsibility is actually so natural to our being. I can feel this in me when I take the responsibility for my own life, my body starts to communicate in full with me, asking for more so to say. With every step I take I re-discover and rebuild the trust and confidence in me that is there waiting for me to re-connect with.
Thank you kathy for what you have shared has helped me realise that I am still holding a resistance to taking full responsibility for myself and my choices,just the way we were brought up. I am working on finding those hurts so I too may take my full self (love) into a responsible way of living.
Hi michaelpearson101, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. It can sometimes be daunting when you come to finally understanding the truth of true responsibility. Just allowing to be honest with oneself allows us to make more loving choices in living our truth.
What an amazing strength is in your writing. To me I am also exploring what true responsibility is. And finding out that I was actually not living in a way that was responsible or loving towards myself and others. I have come to learn that my responsibility is so much greater than I was aware of, and I am absolutely in-joy with it and learning to take more and more responsibility for living in a way that is representative of who I am in truth.
Hi DannaElmalah, thank you for your beautiful comment to the blog. As we are truly honest with self and take the responsibility for self, it feels so freeing from all that you were living that was not serving not only self and others. And the more you enjoy the truth of responsibility the more deeper levels you get to experience without fear.
Yes, true responsibility is always first with self and then therefore others. So beautiful Kathy that you have freed yourself from the self imposed prison of perfection and have begun to reclaim the amazing woman that you are.
I agree, responsibility starts with self, then taking that level of care to others.
Hi Joel thank you for your lovely response to the blog. It is all true everything starts with us first in everything we do.
For me observing has been that key that allowed me to see what amazing qualities I have and where I bring them everyday. From there I finally could see how harsh and hard I often had been with myself and what pressure I had exerted on myself. Seeing so clearly why and how I did it has made it a lot easier to develop a loving approach towards myself and reintroduce true responsibility and joy into my life.
‘I find I am so much kinder to myself and that the need for perfectionism is, amazingly, loosening its hold’. This is such a beautiful sentence. I got strong sense of how tender you can be with yourself when I read it Kathy. Its crazy isn’t t. ‘Kindness’ is a much praised virtue, but Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon aside, its so rare to hear people talking about being kind to ourselves.
Hi Catherine thank you so much for your beautiful response to the blog. It is amazing how much ideals and beliefs are put around words to keep us away from the truth.
Kindness can be very gentle and tender when you are loving to self.
Great comment Sarah. Words of wisdom!
Sure does Tim and I am like Kathy I am very grateful “…to Serge Benhayon, for reflecting how beauty-full it is to be truly responsible”. Its amazingly liberating and not at all the burden its traditionally pumped up to be.
“in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.”
I can relate to doing this for others to please, get recognition, feel loved, be the good mother, dutiful wife etc. But in doing so my body has felt heavy in the shoulders, closed heart, and aching lower back. I have felt angry and resentful and blamed them for how I have felt.
All along I was harming myself and holding them back from stepping up and being responsible.
Hi lorettarapp, thank you for your great response to the blog. The Responsibility of the ideal and belief that we were taught was everyone came first and it had nothing to do with self, until your body can no longer take that burden carrying for others. When true responsibility is lived it gives the space to all equally to live their own choices.
I love that sentence. Another great example of how what look like it is the ‘right thing to do’ but is actually not honest or true.
Well said Adam – responsibility to this level should be part of our education system so that we grow up knowing that we are responsible for how we are in every moment, and that we affect others when we go into emotions such as anger or frustration.
Gorgeous emmadanchin – responsability is your ability to respond to life – that’s gold!
Agreed sarahflenley – this is gold. We have been so ingrained to be critical of our own and of others behaviours that as a consequence we get defensive and protective when we are exposed in doing something “wrong” rather than see it as a learning. I love what Kathy has presented that it is an opportunity to develop and grow and heal what is getting in the way of us making loving and responsible choices. Here is to be more understanding of ourselves and hence others.
So true carolineraphael, so true. It is a continuous work in progress for me as it is for all of us to be more understanding and gracious with ourselves and others. I loved this line today -“To have let go of the hurt has opened up so much joy in my life” and when we do allow ourselves to see things as learnings, we can let go of the hurt and allow much more space for joy.
Such a great point to raise carolineraphael. There is much fear and protection about doing something wrong. I still feel with in me a pang when I do something wrong, there is still fear around it. Like I am going to be punished still. I love the way we self heal as we make many mistakes so for me this is where I bring in more acceptance, and yes as you say more understanding of myself and others.
Yes when I am corrected I often focus on being in the wrong and judge or defend myself… My other choice is to lovingly accept the learning and healing what is getting in the way.
This is gorgeous Kathy – “Responsibility is Beautiful”. I also took on the false sense of responsibility and as a result also lived the fear of not being perfect and the intense overwhelm that comes with that. Equally thanks to the work of Serge Benhayon I have come to let that all go and understand that true responsibility is towards myself and the choices that I make. Doing this also inspires others to do the same and starts to break down the cycle of blame and irresponsibility that is currently plaguing our societies.
Hi Simone, thank you so much for your beautiful response to the blog. Our bodies are truly amazing when we feel and connect with self. It brings so much wisdom and awareness showing us the truth about our actions and to take responsibility. It is beautiful to feel the truth from with-in.
Extraordinary Kathy. Hats off to you, from where you have come to where you are now is nothing short of amazing.
Absolutely Giselle and Cathy and all the people that are healing and reclaiming true responsibility knowing that its for the all, although it starts with the self. I am going to celebrate as I take myself off to bed. Amazing responsible people.
Kathy true responsibility is a beautiful thing and one to appreciate and hold dearly. To be able to let go of the pull to what you think is helping others and allow them to make their own choices was a huge step for me too and something I am continually building. Thank you.
Hi Kelly, thank you so much for your great response to the blog. When we come to the realisation of letting go of feeling responsible for others, it truly feels beautiful to enjoy true responsibility in building a more loving foundation of your own choices and not for others.
Hi Alison, thank you so much for your lovely reply to the blog. True Responsibility is truly beautiful and taking on being responsible for one self is allowing to have a loving relationship with self and others, claiming who you truly are and allowing others to make their own choices.
‘It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.’
Well said Kathy and so SO true.
Allowing others to be responsible for their own choices is just as liberating for them as it is for us. 🙂 🙂
So very true Kathryn :o)
Taking responsibility is something I have had to learn as well, even though I had always ‘believed’ that responsibility and independence are the two most important traits to teach children, blah, blah, blah. It is funny how we do for others and think it is a good thing for all concerned! It only create a false sense of doing good, as you have written Kathy, it serves no one, least of all the person being ‘helped’. Thanks for your blog Kathy.
It is incredibly freeing to let go and allow others to live by their own choices. Not only that but not judging people for the choices they do make is also incredibly empowering for us and freeing for the other person.
Hi Karin, thank you so much for your lovely response to the blog. True responsibility for self first is letting go of control and allows self to be in more joy of living who you truly are.
Hi Mary, than you so much for your lovely response to the blog. It feel truly beautiful when you come to the true meaning of what responsibility is all about. The realization of the truth it is a joy in its self.
Hi mary, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. It is amazing how beautiful true responsibility feels once we have the commitment to live who you truly are by the choices we make in taking responsibility for self and not others.
I see so much resistance in people when I talk responsibility. Seems we have lost the realization that it can be a beautiful thing and not something to fear.
Hi kimweston2, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. Responsibility is something that is truly beautiful when you understand what it truly means,how amazing it is to live it and that there is nothing to fear – just embrace all that you are. .
Yes I agree Kimweston2.
Responsibility means we are in charge of our own choices. No wonder we get fearful. But with every choice there is an expression.
Our choices are actually paving our way, so why then wouldn’t we want to own them?
Yes Kathryn, why wouldn’t we want to own them? If we were taught at an early age that every choice was creating our future, perhaps we would take the fear out of responsibility, it could become a joy and delight to knowingly shape your future outcomes.
The fear comes with wanting to control everything which is not possible. Deeply inside you know that actually you cannot control anything as people are making their own choices. So how would you take responsibility for that? The only thing you can ‘control’ is your choices. Be responsible for that and all other will unfold.
I agree Kim and I also understand that we know the responsibility that we are capable of living, and we also feel guilt and shame for not living this level of responsibility.
Absolutely Simone, it can be a painful journey back to ourselves and responsibility, one which many don’t wish to feel.
Absolutely Stephen, taking full responsibility for our choices does make a powerful difference. It’s empowering to feel your choices create the future.
Wow, what a turn around Kathy. Many of us grow up learning the responsibility is outside of us. Taking responsibility for myself and not others is something I work on constantly, it’s something major for me that Universal Medicine has pointed out. That was very inspiring to read.
Absolutely Adam Self-Resonsibility is not just for self but for all, every word, action and movement is part of the whole so we are Responsible for how we choose to do this. With Love or with out.
Ouch Rowena I have often imposed on other people in this way which they usually resisted. Learning to be truly responsible for myself and offering this reflection to others has had far more impact simply because I am not imposing my solution but trusting that they will find their own way without my interference.
That nails it Adam. Responsibility for self first and how our energy impacts on others.
‘I find I am so much kinder to myself and that the need for perfectionism is, amazingly, loosening its hold. I notice this in the way I work and deal with even the smallest of things every day.’ This is really the key to become more kind and or loving with ourselves. I am learning to make mistakes and to feel that the world still is turning around is wonderful.
For many years I was looking for answers about ‘life’ always feeling there was lots of doorways of opportunities just waiting to be opened but I did not hold the key! – my search was constant until I came across Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon. As I re-read your awesome blog again your words resonated very much “Being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels is the key”. It certainly is Kathy – thank you for this beautiful sharing.
It is a beautiful place to get to, the realise that your parents are not to blame for your childhood, very empowering and comes from a depth of understanding, thank you for sharing this.
It is the extraordinary perspective that Universal Medicine offers on every aspect of human life and societal interactions that provide the foundations for a new era of humanity’s reconnection to the deep and profound truth of our existance.
Hi cjames2012, thank you so much for your beautiful response to the blog. It is extraordinary what Universal Medicine offers, all aspects of human life in providing the foundations for not only for self and others equally and also a new era for all humanity to reconnect to the deeper truth of who we all truly are.
I love the playful way of looking at responsibility initiated here. It brings a lot of light-heartedness and ease. We can make it a burden or we can make it pure joy and commitment to life.
I totally agree with the power of this realisation. Many people live their whole life not realising that taking on responsibility for others, to the point of doing so much for them to support, care and help them is not actually truly helpful for them if we are preventing them from making their own choices in life.
Whilst reading this I understood that with taking responsibility for myself everything else is given. If I present a healthy and loved body to the world, all is given to me to serve.
This brings a beautiful understanding of true responsibility Kathy shared so we can all understand it for ourselves first .Responsibility brings a real joy and purpose to our lives with life commitment and understanding.This is so much needed and it is Serge Benhayon who has inspired the lives of so many by his refliction of this with the highest integrity and love ever.
Hi Stephen G thank you for your loving response to the blog. The teachings of Universal Medicine are very inspiring in bringing the truth of how to truly live true responsibility and everything that happens in our lives is about the choices we make. It so amazing when we stop the blame game and feel what is truly going on.
Hi michaelkremer2212, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. Life would be truly amazing if true responsibility was a subject taught at kindergardens and schools, life and the world would be so much more loving.
Hi alisonmoir, thank you so much for your beautiful response to the blog. Trying to help others does put an enormous pressure not only on ourselves but also on our bodies.
By being responsible for self allows others to live their responsibility for the choices they make in allowing them to evolve. True responsibility is a gift to all.
Hi Katechorley, thank you for your great response to the blog. True responsibility is totally amazing and beautiful to enjoy and embrace in all the choices we make in a loving understanding of our teaching to experience evolution.
This is so true Michael, love it! Thank you
Kathy the world certainly has the understanding of what responsibility is back to front, growing up I Learned it was about doing things for another, taking care of them – completing tasks and cleaning my room. Today my understanding of responsibility is very different and becomes first about the quality that I live. This has been challenging yet is incredibly rewarding at the same time. Gradually I am finding I am starting to embrace responsibility instead of seeing it as things I had to do.
Hi David, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. Understanding responsibility in truth brings a more beautiful meaning to the word and shows us about the ideals and beliefs that we have been brought up with feeling that we need to do things first for everyone else without in consideration for one self. When we live our truth in responsibility it shows others that they too can live the beauty in responsibility.
This is such a deeply loving and wise blog to keep reading Kathy. It felt so supportive to read about true responsibility and the comments expanding on this word. Responsibility the way you presented it is so much more powerful than driving ourselves to help others because in fact we are disempowering them, not trusting them or allowing them to make their own choices.
Hi Bernadette, thank you so much for your beautiful response to the blog. Living our true responsibility and allowing others to take responsibility for their choices, gives them the gift to grow and expand in their own life and learn from the choices that they make. Which supports all equally and honour each and everyone where they are at.
I’m with you Adam. Dutiful responsibility for doing is a very poor cousin to the very great responsibility for being. There is nothing quite so grand as understanding I am a part of a greater whole, and as such responsible in every particle because they belong to that whole and not only to me.
Hi Coleen, thank you so much for your beautiful response to the blog. It is truly amazing to share how loving true responsibility is and that letting go of control of others needs first and allowing self to honour and truly appreciate how life can be in making self be responsible for our own choices and living those choices with the complete understanding of embracing life to be lived in a loving way.
Hi Bernard, thank you so much for your lovely response to the blog. It is a beautiful gift coming from true responsibility which has been a blessing from the presentations and teaching from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine a lesson truly welcomed and appreciated to live life in truth.
Hi emfeldman, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. It is about truth in all that we do in life and the picture we paint in everyday living. For true responsibility is bringing truth in being honest with self and others equally.
Hi hartanne60, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. Learning true responsibility with self is always on-going, that is what brings in the beauty of transforming not only self and also the way we live.
Hi sarahflenley, thank you so much for your beautiful response to the blog. Ideals and beliefs are the key factor of how we live our lives and the way they control us.Taking care of ourselves first is the greatest gift we can be given and coming from a loving understanding that true responsibility starts with us first brings a life full of joy in all that we do.
Hi marylouisemyers, thank you so much for your beautiful response to the blog. True responsibility is amazing when you come to the realisation of being honest with self and the knowing what is truly going is appreciation of how amazing it is to be living life of loving choices.
Hi sueq2012, thank you so much for your great response to the blog. It is a true blessing when we respond and allow ourselves to let go of control, allowing others to make their own responsible choices, a beautiful gift not only for self and a gift for others equally.
Hi Samantha, thank you for your great response to the blog. It is a beautiful gift when we choose true responsibility for our choices and with that comes the wellbeing of living life in joy and harmony.
Hi marion, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. It is truly a loving moment when you stop the blame game and take on true responsibility how beautiful it is to just feel that you are free from playing the game.
Hi Alexis, thank you so much for your lovely response to the blog. As mothers we have be brought up of ideals and beliefs of responsibility not only for family and also for everyone because of our nurturing we do all our life and we always put ourselves last until we get so exhausted to the point that we can no longer be responsible for anyone except ourselves. It would be great if we could bring into the education of women at a young age to truly be taught true responsibility of taking care of self first, which then supports everyone in our life.
Hi sarahraynebaldwin, thank you so much for your beautiful response to the blog.
It is pretty amazing when you come from a loving understanding of true responsibility, you allow yourself to let go of the heavy burden and behaviours and start making loving choices to live life in joy.
I love your play on words emmadancin, ‘Response-ability’ – awesome!!
True responsibility at first felt egotistic for me until I really grasped its meaning and above all the changes and insights it brought. It was then, that I realised that what I had thought were responsible and caring behaviours of me mostly had been anything but outright manipulation.
Hi michaelkremer2212, thank you for your loving response to the blog. True responsibility at first feels frighting because what it shows us how controlling and manipulating we are in our behaviours thinking that we were are doing the right thing for others when all along we were harming not only ourselves and also others in not allowing them live their responsibility.
It is so gorgeous that you have now chosen a way of living that releases you from the pressure of perfectionism and allows you to lovingly claim and appreciate the beauty in true responsibility… holding yourself and others in an a way of being and understanding that is no longer imposing and subsequently deeply healing.
Hi Samantha, thank you so much for your lovely response to the blog. Living true responsibility is amazing and a feeling of being able to make your own choices in the knowing that they are your choices to feel and appreciate without having to be perfect in all that you do.
Wow what a childhood, it’s amazing where you have got to and what you have let go of.
Hi tonisteenson, thank you so much for your loving response to the blog. It feels pretty awesome to just let go of the hurt and pain and live life in joy of true responsibility.
Yes, I agree, this is the ultimate irresponsibility – to take on the ‘responsibility’ of everyone but ourselves… It is such a distraction and an avoidance of the true responsibility we all hold – to be who we truly are.
This is so great. I’m so over this need for perfectionism. It’s so much better just to admit that I have made true responsibility my way, and then just keep committing, no matter what happens.
Hi harryjwhite, thank you for your great response to the blog. Perfectionism is a way of not allowing us to live life of true responsibility. Letting go of control in all that we do lets us live life to be enjoyed with self and others in a loving way of true commitment.
‘And so from applying what I learnt from attending Universal Medicine courses, I made a choice to be responsible for myself first. This point marked a ‘turn-around’ in my life. Holding my behaviours in such loving understanding allowed things to change. I am still learning, but I now have tools to work with every day.’ Wow Kathy this is gorgeous, I especially love how you held your behaviours in loving understanding.
Hi lorrainewellman, thank you for your lovely response to the blog. It is truly loving when you come from a loving understanding of self first and allow others to be where they are at with an acceptance from true responsibility.
Yes Janina, this is huge.
“In taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life”- This is indeed an invaluable lesson.
When I have taken responsibility for others because of beliefs and ideals around mothering/ parenting I have found myself to become exhausted, depressed and angry.
Now, by stepping back, not controlling others, and lovingly taking care of myself first, the relationship with my family has improved and is more harmonious. Still a work in progress.
Hi lorettarapp, thank you so much for your lovely response to the blog. It is amazing how our ideals and beliefs around parenting and mothering have us believing that we are responsible for everyone and leaving us feeling guilty about truly taking responsibility for self first. It is this thought that leaves us exhausted, depressed and with anxiety in our body that stops us from having a true relationship with self.
Kathy I was drawn to reread your inspiring blog today as I’ve been deeply contemplating responsibility in family matters, an area where I sometimes fall into old patterns. It is so helpful to be reminded of true responsibility as lived by others, like yourself and other commenters.
Hi hartanne60, thank you for your great response. We can easily fall into our old patterns and behaviours, with the belief that we are totally responsible for others; from that comes such exhaustion seeking for what is right or wrong in taking on what is not ours. True responsibility for self allows us the space to step back and see what is truly going on and allow others to take on the responsibility for their own choices in a more loving way.
I love the way you have simply expanded the word by ‘Response-ability’. My ability to respnd to life. Every choice affects that ability, whether I express my fullness or not and what energy do I express in. What I eat, how I walk, the thoughts I entertain, absolutely every choice and every action has an impact on my ability to respond. Hence responsibility.
Within this conversation it does not even make sense to try to be responsible for someone else.
I’d back that Oliver
This is great for me to read Alexis, ‘amongst mothers who feel a generalized anxiety all of the time as they constantly oversee what everybody else is doing (or rather supposed to be doing according to them). When we shift our focus to ourselves, which is actually all we can in truth be responsible for then the body and mind breathes a sigh of relief.’ This is very relevant to me as I can feel the anxiety always wondering what my son is up to, is he ok and yes is he playing in a way that i think he should be and so this makes me feel anxious and makes him feel smothered, great to read your comment Alexis and for me to be aware to shift the focus back to me.