I spent most of my childhood and much of my life feeling overwhelmed and burdened by what I thought was true ‘responsibility’. In the culture and family environment I was born into, responsibility was all about family first and taking care of everyone else’s needs before my own. This constant focus on others’ needs first is what I believed true responsibility to be.
Growing up, strong expectations were placed upon me both as a girl and as the eldest child in a family of five sisters. My father and mother worked all day on the family farm and would set tasks for me each day, including looking after my younger siblings.
At the age of four, I found myself a prime carer for two younger sisters, changing nappies and feeding them, and being fully responsible for their care until my parents came back from work. As I got older I had to ensure that the housework was done, and the family’s meals were prepared – all on top of my day at school!
If something had not been done ‘the right way’ or even when others misbehaved, I was made to take full responsibility and as the oldest was made the example – being punished regardless of what the situation was and who was truly at fault.
In this environment I became overwhelmed with a sense of always being responsible for everyone else and with no self worth. I lived in constant anxiety and fear of what could go wrong next. Physically, my body ached and I could not sleep at night. I felt trapped, and in the hardest times, I would go to a place where I felt safe and just cry.
As a result of feeling like nothing I did seemed to be good enough, I became someone obsessed with doing everything ‘right’, a perfectionist in my work, the way I lived and everything I did.
I found myself in a constant state of stress, setting ever-higher standards for myself in completing every job, something I took well into my adult years. When I had a family of my own, all of these patterns and behaviours just intensified. I was an extremely nervous person, always needing to control what went on with everyone in the family, and also in my workplace.
I suffered from depression, and reached a point where I did consider suicide. I was chronically exhausted, overwhelmed, often angry, and constantly unwell.
It was not until I came to the work of Universal Medicine at age 54, and began attending workshops presented by Serge Benhayon, that I began to get a sense of what responsibility truly is. Finally here was a man who made so much sense!
Through Serge’s teachings and the Universal Medicine workshops I have attended, I have come to truly understand that true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost.
As the realisations dawned, that I had chosen to be responsible for everyone and everything around me first, I felt I had made a mess of not only my life, but that of all of my family members. Always helping everyone and fixing things had made me feel good about myself, and needed. It was a way of avoiding the deep hurt I still felt from my childhood.
It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.
And so from applying what I learnt from attending Universal Medicine courses, I made a choice to be responsible for myself first. This point marked a ‘turn-around’ in my life. Holding my behaviours in such loving understanding allowed things to change. I am still learning, but I now have tools to work with every day.
Being aware of how I am living with myself and how my body feels is the key to no longer harming self or others through the controlling behaviours I’d lived by.
I find I am so much kinder to myself and that the need for perfectionism is, amazingly, loosening its hold. I notice this in the way I work and deal with even the smallest of things every day.
Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given. And, it is a gift I give to myself. I do not blame my parents for all that happened, as they did not know any better. What reflection did they have of what true responsibility really is? I feel they did the best they could.
Responsibility is beautiful.
I truly love being me, knowing in my heart that I am committed to making loving choices from which I can learn and grow. To have let go of the hurt has opened up so much joy in my life. At age 60, I have never felt better. I live life feeling pretty amazing every day, and rejoice in knowing and living true responsibility as a beautiful blessing.
Thank you Serge Benhayon, for reflecting how beauty-full it is to be truly responsible.
By Kathy Avram, Melbourne, Australia
Further reading:
The Importance of Self Responsibility
True Change: Self-responsibility Inspired by Universal Medicine
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
Responsibility goes with the willingness to be who you are and stand for what you consider to be true no matter what anyone else thinks or does.
Thank you for sharing Alex that responsibility goes way beyond ticking the boxes of what the world wants you to be.
When I read this I feel the power of vulnerability, and the ripple effect that cannot but take place when we let ourselves be open and transparent. Which is of course the beauty of the responsibility we are all endowed with – to be open, transparent and fully seen for how delicate and exquisite we truly are.
Thank you Katerina for your lovely response. I loved what you expressed about vulnerability. But as women when we feel vulnerable we see this as a weakness within ourselves and override it so that we do not become open and transparent for all to see, hiding our beauty of what we bring.
“Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given.” A deeply life changing gift that opens the door to Universal truth and hence a whole new way of life that nurtures our inherently loving nature from the inside out. What a blessing to receive, not only for yourself but also for everyone in your life that you now hold in true love.
It’s interesting how we we can turn the word “responsibility,” against ourselves and that the actions and or movements we use to be responsible when it is not first felt from the body can feel very heavy and burdensome. It truly is amazing to feel the true service that responsibility offers us, as you have so beautifully expressed here Kathy and how a true movement made from our bodies connection can be a spherical expression that holds all equally responsible.
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life” – yes this is so true Kathy and also, many of us would not see this i.e. taking on other’s responsibility also as being disempowering too to those others and to oneself too.
The healing offered in Esoteric Therapies are jaw dropping, and the changes that people report make me wonder why these therapies are not more widely available. Perhaps one day they will be.
Culture and expectations go together to mark emotion and drama far from what we know is true responsibility.
True Responsibility is very powerful and can move mountains, but when responsibility is imposed on us we can carry it around like a heavy weight on our shoulders for the rest of our lives. Understanding true responsibility brings a deeper understanding and clarity to many of our ingrained behaviours.
Kathy, this is beautiful and deeply revealing: “It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life.”
Thank you Henrietta for your response. It is truly a humbling moment when we come from a loving understanding of how much we can impose on others from our ideals and beliefs.
When we impose there is no room for understanding and that is the core of true relationships.
Responsibility feels Ike a loving thing to do now but in the past it always felt too much to handle and so comfort or withdrawal were chosen. When you are fully on board with your body and moving in sync with what’s needed, responsibility is a joy and not even seen as a responsibility, just what is needed.
Reading this has elements of similarity to how I was raised, except the responsibility of the other siblings was not put onto my shoulders as I was the youngest, but even at a young age I could see how this version of responsibility was having it’s effect on my oldest sister.
Responsibility is a natural part of our evolution, for the more we commit to live it the more we gain access to a greater level of awareness to inspire another to return to where they belong.
The concepts and use of the words such as responsibility and commitment have been so misused by society that we’ve forgotten the real meaning of them – and how simple and beautiful they are. I love how you so tenderly bring it back Kathy to the responsibility of cherishing and looking after you, so that you then bring the full you, nurtured and loved up to the rest of the world and all that you do. How can we deny how beautiful responsibility is, when we consider it from this way – from what it actually is? To be responsible is to claim love – because love and responsibility are one and the same.
Thank you Katerina for your beautiful expression about responsibility being beautiful, especially – because love and responsibility are one and the same, so true.
We can only bring responsibility in a loving way through the way we appreciate our body and quality in all that we bring from our connection within and the knowing that it brings to the all equally.
I have tried to get things right, and suffered emotionally when I have neglected something or been exposed as not being right. Right and wrong are very different from truth. Truth is a universal law and right and wrong are opinions and so I am learning to unravel myself from these opinions and be open to what there is to learn from the universal laws that connect us all.
Samantha thank you for your sharing. Getting things right can come from our expectations, outcomes, pictures, ideals and beliefs about ourselves and others in illusion of what we think is right or wrong for selves and others. So we use our patterns and behaviours that are not loving but harming the all in what we believe is going to help in coming from our own hurts.
I have also come to realise that true responsibility starts with myself first and foremost, that means being responsible for myself first and allowing others to be responsible for themselves.
‘Responsibility is beautiful.’ Love this Kathy!
Jenny thank you -” Responsibility is beautiful ” and I love feeling it each day in every way.
How we are within our self, how we relate with the world and everyone we meet and know really does have an impact on our physical health and well-being and also it works the other way round – how we look after our body affects the way that we think and approach life… It is key that we care for ourselves in all aspects of our life in order to truly support ourselves to support others.
Choosing to be responsible for ourselves first is the foundation upon which we can built a life that is in line with purpose with our own evolution and that of others around us through the reflection of our being-ness.
This constant focus on others’ needs first is what I believed true responsibility to be.” . . . This sentence made me realise how much of my life I focused on making sure others were living up to what I considered what they were responsible for all the while never fully taking responsibility for myself. The irony of it all made me laugh.
Giving our power to others by meeting other’s needs first can be drain a on our life-force and a misplaced sense of responsibility.
It must have been about the same era as I was 4 years old and the eldest sister and could strip and remake a bed. I remember standing on a stool to cook the chops and do the dishes. I was a little older than 4 then but not much. This certainly sets one up for the drudgery of a misinterpreted idea of responsibility when as you say . . . ” . . .living true responsibility as a beautiful blessing.” . . . as this includes looking after ourselves first and foremost.
True responsibility grows us in the most beautiful and steady way.
Spot on Jenny, there is much to gain when we live and move with true responsibility.
The pressure we put, or believe is put on us to be perfect, can definitely contribute to anxiety, and help to erode our natural playfulness and joy, ‘As a result of feeling like nothing I did seemed to be good enough, I became someone obsessed with doing everything ‘right’, a perfectionist in my work, the way I lived and everything I did.’
“Responsibility is beautiful.” I really love this simple statement, responsibility is beautiful, yet we don’t think that is the case. We think that responsibility is laced with hard work and its not something that can be seen to be loving and true.
We buy into such an old trick
“This constant focus on others’ needs first is what I believed true responsibility to be.”
The focus on other people takes us so far away from ourselves and this is done on purpose and for me this is evil when we are deliberately kept away from the fact that everything about us down to our very particles respond to the vibration of the universe which to me is God.
Flipping what we currently deem responsibility to be on its head and instead to feel and see the truth of and in it in that responsibility is a ‘beautifull blessing’ … is deeply inspiring. As well as the fact that you do not blame anyone in your life for the responsibility of others you were given at such a young age.
Like with so much in life, the meaning of responsibility has been twisted to become something it is not. We erroneously believe it is a burden when in fact, responsibility in truth removes all the burden we others carry. Responsibility is akin to love and no less.
I have witnessed many work places where any form of responsibility is considered a burden. What is interesting to note of late is how these burdens have now become basic human actions of respect and decency questioning how far have we dropped for this to now become treated as the norm.
Hi Brendan, a life without responsibility feels empty it is so true. I feel it also brings anxiety and depression as I have suffered all my life. Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for the great reflection from Serge Benhayon on how to live true responsibility. I now have less anxiety and no depression. I love true responsibility and going to deeper levels with it in love, joy and embrace each opportunity responsibility brings.
Responsibility certainly is beautiful Kathy, I wouldn’t have said this 4 years ago because I had misunderstood what responsibility meant. Now, I know it is a deeply loving way to embrace life, with full responsibility, we are able to be who we are and allow others to be themselves too.
Thank you Chan for the learning you have of true responsibility and how you are embracing life with your fullest loving understanding of true responsibility. Allowing self and others to not only be themselves but also reflect how amazing it can be when you live life in truth of responsibility. Life is so much more loving, simple and beautiful.
Hi Kathy, I too used to equate the word responsibility with burden and felt that work was a chore. I can also relate to being a bit of a perfectionists and wanting to do everything right. When I started to take responsibility for myself, it was the beginning of things turning around for me.
Hi Debra, thank you for your loving response about how we see responsibility as a burden and work. Both taking on responsibility for others and trying to be perfect takes a lot of energy to keep everything going which puts stress on your body and being in disregard. It is so freeing when you come to the loving understanding of the truth of what words truly mean you start to live life more openly with appreciation of self and others.
This is a great example of how damaging the barstardiastion of words are to humanity. True responsibility is a gift to all who encounter it.
Well said Kim, in taking on the misinterpreted version of responsibility it drives us to live the opposite of its true meaning. In most cases we can go into reaction to the word responsibility when we have been living with the false version. Once we understand its true meaning and see people living it, it is so easy to be inspired because deep down we do know what true responsibility means and looks like.
Responsibility is indeed beautiful as we can play our part of the whole – in its integrity and love we can express through living our responsibility. That is indeed beautiful.
Thank you Kathy, I notice that almost every time I get angry or frustrated with someone else, I can easily trace events back and see it all started when I was harsh with myself. We often think the world needs a kinder more gracious outlook with other people around us, but I wonder what changes would we see if we just started by treating ourselves as if we are gorgeous? I for one, would like to find out what this would be like.
Joseph I love your comment,” when I get angry or frustrated with someone else, I can easily trace events back and see it all started when I was harsh with myself”
I feel this comes from when we are looking for an outcome, pattern and behaviour or a picture we have on the way it should be, it takes us away from taking true responsibility of feeling what is truly happening within and allowing self to let go and surrender letting the situation to present itself, giving self space to enjoy the learning.
Responsibility for me has taken on a whole new meaning when I considered that how I am now will affect my quality in the future, and it is not just about getting instant satisfaction or gratification.
“I find I am so much kinder to myself and that the need for perfectionism is, amazingly, loosening its hold. I notice this in the way I work and deal with even the smallest of things every day.” I can completely resonate with this too.
Taking responsibility for how I am with myself and how my body is feeling is the most supportive and loving thing I can be for myself and others. Thank you Kathy for this reminder.
It is true taking over the responsibility for other people is not giving them the space to make their own choices, it is also a way of controlling our environment so we don’t get hurt. Letting go of the control means we have to be open to receiving love and care from others and letting them be themselves what is very beautiful in the end.
In the constantly setting higher standards for ourselves and discontentment with where we are at, is a deep non- acceptance of all that we are, for we are each everything, already, before the day begins and at its end… though we may choose to express a great deal less than the magnificence we offer.
It is hugely empowering to acknowledge and claim responsibility for the power and joy that truly is – so when we try to be responsible for others, could it be that we are actually imposing an ideal of a kind on to them and robbing them of an opportunity to evolve?
Well said and very true Fumiyo, we need to allow others the space to develop and evolve in their own time.
‘applying what I learnt from attending Universal Medicine courses, I made a choice to be responsible for myself first. This point marked a ‘turn-around’ in my life. Holding my behaviours in such loving understanding allowed things to change. I am still learning, but I now have tools to work with every day.’ And for me too Kathy – I have the most amazing tools to develop inner awareness and true well being from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine presentations.
Jenny thank you for your reply. We are truly blessed to have Serge Benhayon, a divine and amazing reflection of living true responsibility and Universal Medicine Workshops to allow us to go deeper in our true livingness and bring that in our every day living of all that we have taken away from the workshops learning and coming from a loving understanding of self, others and life
It is interesting the misconceptions we hold about responsibility mainly to do with others first and seldom do we refer to true responsibility which is within or the commitment to develop a certain quality that can be expressed in everything we do – nothing more, nothing less just who we truly are.
‘Responsibility is beautiful.’ Very true Kathy , Living with Responsibility is simply living truly in every moment – a way of living that only leaves Love in its wake.
Responsibility is far from the burden and martyrdom it often is cast with – for True Responsibility is absolute Love and is the basis of true freedom.
Yes its absolutely about love and truth, no space for burdens, reactions.
It stops me in my tracks overtime, responsibility starts with myself and my own care. It is indeed a never ending cycle to feed a lack of self worth by being there or doing for others and is not sustainable.
A very inspiring blog and understanding of true responsibility with oneself first and the simplicity and joy from this is very beautiful in our life and a reflection for all to feel.
Responsibility is the key to our evolution and when the more we embrace it the more we get to understand that we are part of something bigger and it is about all us and not just self.
Absolutely – true responsibility is forever holding everyone in our gaze (and hearts) and not focusing only on ourselves.
Living with true responsibility leaves our body feeling light and un-encumbered – a beautiful feeling of completeness.
True responsibility starts with us first taking care of ourselves. How can we know what responsibility is until we feel it for ourselves first. If we don’t we learn to take on responsibility based on the expectations of others as was the situation with your family, and then we see responsibility as a burden and a chore when it is one of the most natural things on the planet.
I’m coming to learn how true responsibility is not as scary as we think it is. In the past when I thought of responsibility immediately my body takes on a stance with need for defines and to prove something, but responsibility is starting to feel much simpler and is more akin to being honest about the energy that I am living with, and making that a quality in all areas. A quality lived by one is felt by all.
What you’ve described Kathy is very common…I see it in my own family – people putting others before themselves but it is loaded with expectations and if it isn’t recognised, feeling hurt and angry.
There is an idea that if we put ourselves first it is selfish, so we are brought up to put others before ourselves. In my experience, this has led to resentment and neglect of myself.
Striving to be perfect takes so much of our precious energy and it feels like it strangulates the naturally amazing being we are, as we are actually trying to achieve an unattainable goal. Not only is the process of aiming for perfection exhausting for our body but when we feel we have not reached the level of perfection we are expecting of ourselves we add another debilitating behaviour as we now have a reason to beat ourselves up. Letting go of the need to be perfect is one of the most self-loving choices we could ever make; that is “true responsibility”.
Responsibility opens up so many doors, for me it allows me to take charge of my life rather than being in constant blame of everyone else. Ultimately I have always had a choice and seeing this everything makes sense. Blaming others changes nothing and just keeps things spinning around like in a dirty washing machine, without changing the water the clothes stay dirty.
This is such an interesting blog for me to read this morning, I feel that I have recently developed a greater understanding of the importance of reflections through relationships in our lives to show us where the irresponsibility lies. Otherwise, we walk around in our ‘normal’ which may well be indulgent and self-abusive yet we have chosen not to see it as such because, to date, it has worked for us.
What an awesome thing Kathy that you can now say “I do not blame my parents for all that happened, as they did not know any better.” It is sad how many people still are carrying blame towards there parents, sometimes this is expressed sometimes not yet always there as an undercurrent eating away until we take responsibility and learn from our choices rather then to continue to blame.
It is interesting the things we do to make ourselves feel better about ourselves, and taking on other peoples stuff is one of them. On the surface it looks like we are being responsible but it is in fact the opposite because it robs the other of the responsibility and they do not grow. It is also used by us to not deal with our own hurts by getting too involved and busy with other people’s issues.
It is truly beginning to humble me as I become ever more aware that the responsibility I first have is whether I stay with and express from the steady humble, forever student of myself that I am, or step away from it into a way of being that I had made my life, one of sadness, loneliness, emotional needs and wants. It can take every ounce of resolve I own, but it is worth it to step off the roller coaster, onto a steady strong platform of my own love.
A deeply inspiring blog – thank you.
In taking on ‘responsibility’ for others we disempower those people and also ourselves and are making a judgement of others may live their lives rather than allowing free-will and to live us and let others live.
Letting go of the ‘hurts’ we carry is to free ourselves from an impost over us that is not true, yet imprisons and controls every aspect of our lives. we don’t need to protect our hurts but rather see that we never truly be hurt by another, only reminded what we have done to ourselves, and so heal, restore and live the fullness we are from.
Thank you Kathy, responsibility in its true meaning is a beautiful thing, it is not a burdensome but an opportunity at what has occurred and be more understanding and loving in our lives with others- it is the only way forth in our evolution.
Quite a turn around Kathy. To be able to say that responsibility is beautiful, from where you were coming from, where responsibility was clearly a burden, is something to be appreciated to the max.
Wow Kathy the way you have healed your childhood and any hurts you were carrying is amazing and very inspiring to read, I had a pattern in the past of being overly responsible for others as well which affected my self-esteem and well-being long-term. It is beautiful how meeting Serge Benhayon has shown we can begin to heal these patterns that are harmful and holding us back from who we truly are and to begin to live with true responsibility and to feel the simplicity and joy that this choice brings.
I agree Kathy, it is life changing when we realise that we are to take responsibility for our self and that no one else is qualified for the job. Taking responsibility for the way we think, talk and move certainly has a huge impact on not only our health and well being but on everyone’s around us as we are all connected.
true Kathy – taking responsibility for another’s situation is just a way of draining/ burdening ourselves as it is not ours to take on… and in this we are in fact distracting ourselves away from what we need to actually take responsibility of in ourselves..
This is true – we can easily fill our lives with tending to others lives and decisions rather than turning inward and reflecting on our own life and choices and taking self-responsibility.
True responsibility starts with self and the quality that we hold ourselves in, as it is only this quality that we can then hold for all.
Truly remarkable and inspiring read for many as you claim your vitality and love of life as a 60 year old woman. Thank you for bucking the norm where often the life of “retirement” and carefree living void of responsibility are the hall marks for many heading in their older years as the ultimate way of living.
Yes Kathy, responsibility is beautiful, thank you for sharing your experiences and wisdom. What you have expressed here is very powerful lesson for us all;
“It was a powerful and deeply humbling moment when I realised that in taking on responsibility for others, I did not allow them to be who they truly are; to live and learn from making their own choices in life”.
A life transformed. From experiencing responsibility as a burden to appreciating responsibility as something beautiful. Our first responsibility is to self and with this foundation all else falls into place. We’re able to give an extra-ordinary amount to others once we’ve put our own house in order
A touching account of one path into true responsibility and showing that no matter what the landscape when you are younger or older you can make a change. Look around your life and see if you can see this story playing out on any level, growing up or in your family now, maybe in your friends family. We are repeating patterns of behaviour that then support us to repeat patterns of behaviour if that makes sense. In other words we are walking around in circles thinking we are going somewhere when in fact it’s always and forever a circle. In place of arguing that we should look at articles like this, living results of people of all ages and walks of life taking on true responsibility and making a difference. We all need to embrace the awareness more and more of what the truth of responsibility is.
What you share here about the time when you felt so exhausted you contemplated suicide – “I was chronically exhausted, overwhelmed, often angry, and constantly unwell.” The lack of control and the inability to know how to talk about what you were feeling to get help because you have grown to believe that this was your ‘normal’, there was no other way. I am full of respect for the commitement you placed on supporting yourself and finding another way. The responisbility you took to turn your own life around. Respect.
“….it is a gift I give to myself.”
Responsibility is the foundation that allows us to claim our unlimited potential – there is no greater gift.
That is beautiful Lucinda – what an expansive way to allow what is there on offer for us to live our lives with a foundation that builds joy and expansiveness as our normal way of being, rather than the struggle, tension and worry so many of us settle for.
I love how you have claimed this Kathy, that responsibility is beautiful. Far far from the have laden misinterpretation we have bought into for eons, and in so doing, walking away from our own grandness and love.
Reading this blog Kathy, your words reverberate all over my body – and remind me that our single true responsibility in this life is to be Love. All of the other stuff is not significant in the way we think it is. We focus on this when we miss the grace, stillness, connection and warmth we naturally are. So I get this morning, that responsibility is not a terrible thing – but a door to feeling our true light.
Children do well with a sense of purpose and understanding that they belong and can contribute but what you were asked to do as a child would be labelled as child abuse these days. When I observe my 4 year old nieces and nephews I can see that that pressure without the support would have had a huge impact on you energetically and developmentally.
I am struck by my 4 year olds and how they were at that age, what I asked them to do and what they took responsibility for and then I feel the weight of responsibility you had on your shoulders – I can quite see that the anxiety of not being in control, of ensuring you were able to do a great job would have been well embedded and would have led to a break point. I am amazed you lasted as long as you did. How wonderful to have been given a moment to reconsider.
It is a trap thinking we are doing ‘good’ taking responsibility for others, when actually we are robbing them of the opportunity to take responsibility for them selves and at the same time avoiding taking responsibility for our self.
Awesome Kathy. To work through the resentment of your parents and anyone whose expectations you felt you had to live up to is pretty remarkable. Bringing that understanding to where people are at is a huge part of responsibility, because from there we realise we don’t have to take on other people’s burdens.
‘True responsibility starts with myself first and foremost.’ Yes. I too have been used to taking care of others, having four younger brothers. I then went into caring professions, ostensibly looking after others, but not caring for myself at all. I was always ‘trying’, trying to be good enough to pass my own standards – and of course failing. Learning about energetic responsibility and loving myself first was an eye-opener for me when I first came to the Ageless Wisdom presentations. What? It wasn’t selfish to put me first? Not only that, it became clear to me it was essential. How can someone truly care for and love another if they don’t apply these same standards to themselves? No wonder there is so much burn-out.
Perfectionism – what a killer of joy and simplicity in life. It’s a terrible kind of compensation for what is fundamentally a lack of self-worth. If deep down I believe I’m not enough, well everything I do damn well ought to be perfect in order to get the recognition that I am!
It’s interesting how skewed responsibility can become – our interpretations of it, some of which are detailed here. Understanding exactly what responsibility entails and where and how it begins has been part of my learnings with Serge Benhayon too. As with so many topics, he reimprints and restores true meaning and understanding, enabling us – if we so choose – to live a life that is true.
“This constant focus on others’ needs first is what I believed true responsibility to be.” – and as you’ve discovered Kathy, it isn’t. Supporting, caring and loving others can only come if we are taking care of ourselves first.
I’m so blown away that at age four you had taken on such tasks. The world is full of words that have been twisted and used against us. This is a great example of how responsibility was used to become it’s opposite. Taking you away from true love which is held in true responsibility.
Great to read that no matter what age we are, we can make choices which can support us to change our lives, and at the end of the day true responsibility starts with us first.
“Knowing the truth of responsibility is the greatest gift I could ever be given.” I can see why you say this Kathy – we can be imprisoned by beliefs or ideals and knowing, or being reminded about, the truth of a word in life is truly freeing.
Love what you have shared here, that with true responsibility there can be true joy. We always think that taking on more responsibility means that it is a drag, something that you are burdened with, not that it can be hugely joyful and expanding.
Great point Raegan, responsibility is so often perceive as a burden, a moment in which we can pull in self doubt and create issues that in the most part do not exist.
That is probably one the most evil beliefs around, that we are a good person if we take care of others all the time or ar least a big part of the time. The truth is by living that way we are wearing ourselves out and don’t give the other the permission to see the real us.
Thank you for your touching story and unfolding understanding about responsibility. Serge Benhayon is very precise in the use of words and I deeply appreciate the opportunity to learn about the true meaning of so many words, not just through verbal explanation but also providing personal example through the way he lives. I have found that embracing the truth of such potent words as love and responsibility turns your whole life round.
Yes Golnaz, that is so true, Serge Benhayon is precise in the words he uses and he has unravelled responsibility from being a burden to being a joy and full of self-empowerment. The illustration of how it can turn lives around as shared in this post is worth paying attention to.
Gosh Kathy that is so full on looking after your siblings from such a young age. You have transformed your life thanks to your commitment to saying no to doing for every-one else and coming back to taking care of you first. Well done as I know many of us struggle with this transition to putting our self first.
We often see true responsibility as a burden, and think life is easier when we don’t take full responsibility allowing ourselves on occasions to take part responsibility when in truth we are either responsible or not. The more I live by true responsibility the easier life actually is, because you know what is truth and what is not truth, which leaves nothing unknown.
In the early part of this blog, when you talk about your childhood, and as a parent myself, I can’t help but wonder what it must have been like for your parents, the kind of upbringing they had and how they must have felt being away from their children all day, the fears they must have had and the deep sorrow. I get the sense that there was a lot of fear, of wanting everyone to be safe, and how they knew that in you there was someone they could rely on, someone strong and dependable – just like them.
Shami, I loved what you shared here, thank you, for you have brought another light on the what was also truly happening, my parents to trust me with responsibility at that time of being 4 years of age and how it must have been hard for them and also the fear they must have felt.
I have come to a loving understanding that this was part of my path of life to learn and unfold in knowing true responsibility, that it was a burden of how it was set up and through Serge Benhayon bringing the true meaning, actually brought a loving gift from my soul to bring through the gift of love not only to self and to others to live and reflect in life bringing the true meaning of responsibility
In fact we can only be responsible for ourselves and that is also how responsibility works. It is impossible to be responsible for someone else’s life as we have no control over their will and the choices they make. If we think we can, then we are drained as we give energy to something that is not us. The only responsibility we have is to shine our light to the best of our ability, and through that light we can show to the world what responsibility really is.
To not blame the world for our woes but see that we alone are the creators of our life reveals to us that we have the power to change. This alone brings us a huge step forward to the responsibility we have.
An amazing blog Kathy! It is incredible that you have come out of the years (from 4 onward) of full on feeling responsible for everyone else. To know that the only one you are truly responsible for is yourself is indeed a truth that Serge Behayon has shared with us and is in the Livingness of.
Thank you Kathy for a most honest and touching blog. I love the depth of understanding that you have come to about what “true responsibility” is; an understanding that would benefit most of humanity. To understand the truth of responsibility has allowed me to drop any need to blame anyone else for what has gone on in my life and that how my life has unfolded is simply a result of all the choices I have ever made
We grow up in an environment that places so much pressure on us to achieve certain things. Whether it be perfectionism, a better person, a fixer, a carer etc etc. There is nothing out there besides Universal Medicine saying to people you are you well before you do or become anything. You are already perfect in your divinity and perfection isn’t something to try and achieve. Nothing is saying just breath and truly connect and everything you need will be at your fingertips because you have you. We are constantly trying to achieve, obtain, be better while all the time everything is already inside, and we only need to deeply, and consistently connect to it. Universal Medicine turns peoples lives around because we are all walking the wrong way, the world is upside down. We are the masters of knowing what to do, it’s just we have created a world through our actions and movements that tells you otherwise. Just because you think something doesn’t make it real, everything is energy first and so the wisest thing to do is to see where the energy you are using is coming from.
It’s so true Cathy – responsibility is love, and it is beautiful. It comes hand in hand with the glory that we are, asking us constantly to be who we are, more of who we are and reflect that to the world. Why did we ever make it a burdensome word with the connotations of loaded up shoulders?? Because we then mistakenly learn to shun responsibility and in doing so, we shun ourselves.
Exactly Katerina, when we understand responsibility to be a burden we tend to shy away from that but as you say with that we also shy away from life and avoid to take that only responsibility in life that is to being all of us wherever we go, which actually is no burden at all.
The rates of self-harm are escalating into an epidemic of depression. Thank you for writing a powerful blog on how this starts from a very young age and can lead to incredibly low periods in people’s lives. These behaviours are crippling people of all ages and it is the support that you received that is showing the world there is another way. How often do we as a society judge, comment and give our opinions on why people are living or reacting a certain way when there is a whole level of love and understanding that needs to be presented first to allow another to feel the levels of hurt that have the potential to be healed?
I am currently at a Universal Medicine retreat and in this mornings presentation learnt that responsibility is actually love; and this makes sense from what you have shared ‘I made a choice to be responsible for myself first. This point marked a ‘turn-around’ in my life. Holding my behaviours in such loving understanding allowed things to change. I am still learning, but I now have tools to work with every day.’ In that loving yourself more you started to be more responsible for what you were living and letting go of behaviours that were not love.
“I truly love being me”. I found these words stood out, as I don’t think I have pondered on how I feel about being me before or fully appreciated who I am. There is a reason why we are all the way we are, we all have divine qualities to share, so it is a wonderful thing to feel those qualities and love what it means to be me.