When I was a kid we were often told: “Respect your Elders!” Back then, respect was ‘earned’ by what you did, so this demand to respect elders by the standard of the day was to me a contradiction. I could appreciate the principle, but was constantly frustrated about having to respect people who were making choices and behaving in self-degrading or abusive ways that did not meet up to my own principles.
At the time I remember wondering, “Why should I respect people who got drunk, killed themselves with barbiturates, smoked cigarettes, lived on junk food, beat their wives, dumped anger and judgment on others, gossiped, cheated, lied, tried to be someone else…?” Of course every human must be respected as an equal, but this doesn’t remove the responsibility we have for the choices we make, no matter what age.
The elders I was told to respect were not role models that I aspired to become, or to look up to, in my growing years. It made me question where were the Elder role models that glow with the grace, wisdom, poise and responsibility that can come from age?
I have come to understand that An elder is a role model if they accept themselves for who they truly are, leave behind the harmful choices and irresponsibility that are considered to be the foolishness of the young, and really live their wisdom and grace.
And it is certainly true that ageing people who do not accept themselves for who they are, are less likely to embrace the wisdom and service they can bring as they age to become true role models. When they try to look artificially young in spite of the inevitable physical progress of ageing, they are (consciously or unconsciously) sending a poor message to younger people. A message that says:
- I’m not good enough
- Ageing is awful and to be avoided
- My self-esteem comes from how I look
- You have to fit in to the ideal of youthfulness or you’re nothing
- I wish I were still youthful like you, etc.
All this does is help spawn yet another generation who will feel pressured to do the same – clinging to youthful appearance and behaviours, acting irresponsibly, feeling less and less worthy based on their looks, sexuality and physical abilities, dreading illness and death, and being fearful of losing whatever youthfulness they have.
This non self-respecting behaviour by elders leaves younger people adrift in misconceptions and confusion about growing older and our changing roles throughout our lives.
Having said that, society goes to quite a lot of effort to keep elders down, feeling lesser, and trying to meet the youthful ideals. For example, there is a growing trend in women’s magazines of profiling the ‘sexy’ older woman in the same stereotyped style of modelling, photography and dress as for young women. Society’s message: keep conforming to ‘youth looks’ for as long as you can or you’re not beautiful or acceptable being old! Dye your hair, plaster on makeup, lift up those breasts, hide the sags, exude sexuality, and emphasize your body…. This is degrading enough for young women – imagine how older women truly feel about it?
Many of our elders have allowed themselves to be degraded and disregarded by the culture of youth worship, to the great detriment of society.
Why do we accept this degradation of the aging process? Imagine if all the elders expressed their true beauty, wisdom and power for the benefit of humanity? Oh boy, there would be a big shakeup of the status quo! The population would wake up to the lie that many of us have been living… and there are vested interests that would not like that, eg. the plastic surgery and cosmetics industries!
Not only elders are targeted by plastic surgery, cosmetic advertising, fashion and health magazines, etc, but younger people are too – with the pressure to “never look older no matter what,” until the maintenance of youthful appearance becomes a habit or even an addiction.
What would happen if the cosmetic services were all taken away – how would we be with facing the truth of how we have been living? Gone would be the artificial surface ‘beauty’. The consequences of our past choices could no longer be covered up.
It would be scary to let go of our ‘youth props’ and be exposed, vulnerable and seen as we really are: we would then have to derive our self-worth from our innermost instead of our outermost. For many, that change could be quite difficult and challenging. But what if, instead, we elders took responsibility for claiming our ageing beauty and wisdom as role models?
For myself, having always enjoyed my body, been very athletic, physically powerful and capable of doing just about anything, it is hard accepting the physical decline that comes with age. I know, I’ve been going through that, and am not entirely ‘out of the woods’ yet. It is difficult to let go and learn to be much more gentle and conscious of one’s body, no longer driving it, striving to achieve and experience like we once did. What I have learned is that refusal to accept the flow of nature comes with consequences – painful ones!
For me it’s been more limiting to deny ageing and try to power through it, injuring an increasingly delicate body and then being totally stopped, than it is to accept it, become gentle, tender, graceful and consciously present, and thus do no further harm. I do whatever I can to naturally support my body with nourishment and nurturing so it can be as well as it can and the inner wellbeing can show on the outside as my natural beauty.
I refuse to go the cosmetic surgery route, and won’t even dye my hair. When/if it ever goes grey it will be just as beautiful, and it will be my ‘badge of maturity’! That’s my choice of course; everyone is free to choose their colours and styles for self-expression. Maybe one day I’ll go violet and turquoise stripes just for fun, who knows!
Notwithstanding the, at times, frustrating aspects of an ageing body with its aches, pains and stiffness, I realise there are many great benefits of these increasing physical limitations of ageing – for there are no other limitations! This decline in physical abilities changes the focus on how I am living and what I now value more in discovering the real benefits of my elder years.
I am slowly and gradually switching the focus from how I look and what feats I can perform to living more and more gracefully, wisely and, in fact, soulfully. I am learning to break attachments to people and material things, to let go of ideals and beliefs, learning acceptance, understanding, and patience with myself and others.
It is giving me the opportunity to morph from a physical being living under the control of the chaos of the world to living from my innermost essence, seeing and doing life from the perspective of the soul.
This claiming of my elder years cycle is offered as a true role model for the younger generation to aspire to.
by Dianne Trussell.
Further Reading:
Sex Appeal of Beautiful Mature Women – What Exactly Does That Look Like?!
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
Something that stood out to me was, ‘what would happen if the cosmetics services were all taken away’? That is is an interesting question, not only for the beauty industry but if other industries we rely or take for granted, were taken away too?
Whilst we’re going through a period of hysteria in the world with COVID-19 upon us. The left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing, statistics here and there, what truth is being fed to humanity, if any.
The services that are allowed to continue and the services the aren’t is an interesting one too. One hairdresser made a comment to me that her customers were sending her pictures and messages of missing them. Their headline? Hairy and scary! It was hilarious to her, but it made me realise what extremes we had taken our bodies to in the name of beauty and vanity.
So Dianne you have bought some things for many of us to ponder about, and ageing is about becoming an elder and giving back to the community instead of vegetating till the breath is no longer there.
There was contradiction in many things we were told as we grew up, like respect your elders, and then in the next breath that respect has to be earned. I agree respect has to be earned rather than blindly respecting someone regardless, and, when who knows what they get up to in their private time?
I too grew up having to respect many people not just the elderly. Yet I knew deep down inside I didn’t want to and I came across as the awkward one. Respect is something that is felt and earnt and imposing upon another well just don’t cut it for me anymore. People can feel that integrity, it is that simple.
The elders that I see in the hospital where I work are beaten down and worn out by the lives they have lived. I wonder why we have accepted this way of living where life has just been one long struggle from start to finish, where the elders look back on life and wish they had made different choices. They can actually pin point where they could have made a different choice but chose not to for whatever reason. One lady shared that she chose as a husband a from the British Army rather than the Captain of a submarine and she wondered to me how different her life would or could have been which showed me that there was an underlying sadness that she had about the life she had chosen out of security rather than what her heart was telling her. But how many of us have made those choices from a sense of needing or wanting security above everything else.
Diane, I love your honesty here and it is so beautiful to read that this is always a process for us all, and one to be respected and supported with: “For myself, having always enjoyed my body, been very athletic, physically powerful and capable of doing just about anything, it is hard accepting the physical decline that comes with age. I know, I’ve been going through that, and am not entirely ‘out of the woods’ yet. It is difficult to let go and learn to be much more gentle and conscious of one’s body, no longer driving it, striving to achieve and experience like we once did. What I have learned is that refusal to accept the flow of nature comes with consequences – painful ones!”
No matter our age we are all role models. but there is something very re-assuring when we have a true elder amongst us – one who has learned from life and experiences and made choices that are far more supportive and self loving, and someone we can look at and be inspired by as we too grow up and age, inevitably so.
True elders have much to contribute to society, ‘I have come to understand that An elder is a role model if they accept themselves for who they truly are, leave behind the harmful choices and irresponsibility that are considered to be the foolishness of the young, and really live their wisdom and grace.’
Being an elder is not dependant on age, I know someone who is relatively young, compared to me, and they bring much elder energy to the community.
In a nutshell, Diane, so beautifully said: “An elder is a role model if they accept themselves for who they truly are, leave behind the harmful choices and irresponsibility that are considered to be the foolishness of the young, and really live their wisdom and grace.”
‘Youth worship’ is just a poor excuse for our waywardness, utterly devoid of the fact that we have been here many times over.
‘You are not good enough,’ ‘This is how you should be’ is the constant message we get all life, and in this plane of life where it is all about image, the deterioration of physical appearance and capability is something we would want to avoid at all cost, as that would make us feel like we are becoming useless in our society. It is a sad but inevitable consequence of choosing to live our life trying to fit in to society’s terms and conditions and find value in being validated by it.
It would be very hard to all of a sudden accept and embrace our elder years if we have been battling against ourselves all our lives with no true connection. In fact, having gone around in circle so many times already, we actually do have the maturity of wisdom regardless of age. If we are able to understand and appreciate the truth of reincarnation, the way we look at our elder years would be totally different.
“living more and more gracefully, wisely and, in fact, soulfully. I am learning to break attachments to people and material things, to let go of ideals and beliefs, learning acceptance, understanding, and patience with myself and others.” A role model for all, young, not so young and older.
I was always very fond of both my grandmothers, they are now long gone. As a child there was something very special about having a week’s holiday with Nan. We got to share the week together, me tagging along, having trips on the ferry or the gardens or in the kitchen cooking together. These were very formative relationships for me and formative in how I treat elders in my community now and those in my care when I work. I really do enjoy the company of people older than myself as well as younger, they both bring very different things.
It is true every person should be respected and treated as an equal. I know of people in their 70’s and 80’s that have such a spark of life, joy and vitality that this has confirmed to me age it just a number it is how we live from within that counts and of course our true elder energy and true elder role models should definitely be both appreciated and celebrated for what they have to offer is absolute gold.
I love being around the elders in our community, they have so much wisdom and lived experiences to share and inspire us with.
What I feel very strongly reading this is how we can live with delicateness and grace and that aging for many introduces this as a necessity but in fact we can do this at any stage, and how great to see our elders living in this way and reminding us that we too can live this now, no matter what our age.
When we live with delicateness and grace through our lives we naturally live that whatever our age.
Respect your elders? What if true respect is not to bow down and kiss the feet of the elders but treat them as an equal? What if true respect is not to feel sorry for them because they’re old, but feel the power and wisdom of their lived experience? What if respecting our elders is simply to treat them the way we would treat any other human being, with integrity and care?
Respect is about not trying to put yourself over someone else. Respect is not a synonym of being willing to learn though. We may be utterly respectful but totally closed to a person. So, it is not about positioning. It is about learning. It is about reflection.
I agree Eduardo and respect is not something you can be ‘made’ to do. Not true respect this instead comes from and innate and natural impulse within.
When not accepting and living life from the place of who we truly are, the very thought of accepting and living who we are seems like the least attractive option of all because we do know in truth there’s more to life, and more to be lived, so ‘accepting’ feels like giving up or settling for less, so the battle and resistance continues.
Denying the course of nature is to deny ourselves our natural expression. The older I get the more I embrace myself as a woman and I would never have thought that possible. I feel my responsibility is to be a role model without needing anyone to notice or change.
So gorgeously shared Lucy – I too find that it is my relationship with myself that has deepened and in this no matter my age, I am far more loving with myself as well as those around me. And at the same time I am very aware of the age factor and how it is about working with the body and how we are with it and fine-tuning this and learning to embrace each step as it comes our way. This is what being a role model is about – it is not about controlling things but embracing what comes our way and working with this gracefully.
I am blessed to be surrounded by some true elders in the community such as yourself Diane, that are leading the way and showing the world how joyful ageing can be.
When we don’t appreciate and respect ourselves and our bodies we will always fail to have a foundation to grow from so we can master our imperfections.
Looking in fashion magazines to choose how we should look takes us away from seeing in the mirror all the strength and beauty of an elder woman who knows who she is.
Ageing brings a lot onto the table to consider. Although many things change over time, the beauty of ageing is that it also allows to reflect again upon what is that we bring into this world and what are we capable of deliver and the extent to which our delivery comes from the usual angle or from a new one.
I love the ripple affect of when one person claims themselves and the quality that they bring to the world, then inspires another to feel what they also bring. I shared this with a woman yesterday and today she shared that this blog has completely changed her life and how she sees getting older and the responsibility she has to not hide away.
This has been truly a gift to read and be reminded of today. Before reading this, a lady and I were talking about this very subject and how at times it grips us negatively about growing older and how many pictures pull us out. Yet as soon as we look at what we appreciate about being this age and what we are learning then we are left to feel what we bring to others at this time. I love this line, “But what if, instead, we elders took responsibility for claiming our ageing beauty and wisdom as role models?” so needed.
Thank you Dianne, this is a great article to read periodically. I love the way you express your wisdom and encourage us to do the same as we age.
How beautiful and nurturing to see the increasing physical limitations of an ageing body as an opportunity to explore our deeper qualities and embrace the wisdom we so naturally hold within.
‘An elder is a role model if they accept themselves for who they truly are, leave behind the harmful choices and irresponsibility that are considered to be the foolishness of the young, and really live their wisdom and grace.’ What a powerful, unequivocal definition! I appreciate the expectation of standard and quality it sets, below which anything else is possibly an outcome of adulation from another based on glamour or comparison that then begets the ‘Me Too’ mentality so prevalent in our society. Being a role model isn’t a doing. It’s living a quality that others notice and from there are inspired to choose to want to adopt or adapt into their own way of living and of being.
It totally breaks any illusion of what we thought that elderly role models are or should look like. Till this very day it has been portrayed by a few if not many — that elderly is about getting older and loosing the vitality (and all things once had) but in fact this all is a big fat lie — being elder is a very absolute given and example for all the youngster to come to their ages. Once we see that as an elder and younger person, we will come to appreciate our roles more (truly) and benefit from each other. Our world will change from there onwards. Let alone all the loneliness in our society will take away.
I love what you have written Dianne, it is very refreshing to read from an elder woman. Deeply inspiring for young and old, you shine forth the way of the future for all of us…
Learning to live with and accept the increasing decline of strength of our physical body as we age can be challenging at times; whereas allowing ourselves to just surrender to our fragility and tenderness really helps with the process.
As you say Dianne to ‘work’ on your inner beauty young or old will transform your ‘outer’ beauty. You will be happy or better still have a marked Joy because you feel well , vital and healthy; and this can be at any age.
“It is giving me the opportunity to morph from a physical being living under the control of the chaos of the world to living from my innermost essence, seeing and doing life from the perspective of the soul.” I love the way you described the surrendering to the soul Dianne. When we live like that we will only see the beauty that emanates from within and will be in appreciation of that what we have lived so far.
Everyone is growing older every day, that is a fact. I am learning to understand my body more, and in growing older there is much more acceptance that sometimes I will feel different from when I am younger. It is all related to choices. Accepting myself growing older I find there is a responsibility every day, this cannot be compared to anyone else, but it is a deepening relationship with myself.
Indeed Adele, it is that deepening of the relationship with ourselves that will make us to accept and appreciate that our body is becoming older, every day we live. And with that we will understand that while we were young we thought we were invincible but life teaches us that we actually are not in charge and that we have to surrender to a greater cycle that is not in our hands.
I deeply cherish the space and steadiness I feel within myself since being in my forties. I also recognise that it’s not in ageing that this comes to us. Living with our elder energy is a choice that can be made at any age.
I have also found in my forties more of a settlement and solidness in myself. As you say, I could have chosen to live and express from elder energy a lot sooner.
I love the true call to how we can all be role models in this world and the call to support our elders to be themselves.
Ever since I was young I always held a great love and joy when in the company of elders. We can learn and understand much of the world when we listen and embrace the wisdom shared by elders and their life experiences. Thank you Dianne I simply love this blog.
Getting older is indeed deeply covered with false pictures, that it is not something to aspire to, that it is a time for indulging in food, alcohol and holidays or throw yourself into voluntary work! Yet there is so much more to getting older and it does come from a feeling of being deeply content in ourselves and knowing what an important reflection of love and joy we can be in the later days of our life.
It’s a great point Doug, the term “respect your elders” shouldn’t be used for entitlement or to excuse behaviour. Really, respect needs to be across the board and for all age groups. “Respect yourself and all others equally” would be a much better foundation to start with.
It’s crazy, not only do we not value people for who they are but we don’t value specific age groups. For example we might be dismissive of children or elders based on their age, when their reflection and all they have to offer is equally important. It’s astonishing how many ways we diminish other human beings. Equality is so simple, love and value everyone unconditionally.
Dianne this was great to read again. We have made life so focused on the physical experience, sensual pleasures and body image etc, instead of the glorious being that’s on the inside. What I have noticed with elders living joyfully is that they bring such strong values, such as respect and decency, and they feel super solid in themselves as they have a loving relationship with who they are. An elders wisdom is very practical as it’s born from a lifetime of learning and observation.
When we can accept that we are Souls living in a physical body and in that expressing the divine in everything we are there is no need to look to any image that is presented to us in any way, shape or form for we are just us, shining our divine light in and through everything that we do.
Acceptance of who we are is important whatever stage of life we are in, it certainly helps in our elder years,
‘I have come to understand that An elder is a role model if they accept themselves for who they truly are, leave behind the harmful choices and irresponsibility that are considered to be the foolishness of the young, and really live their wisdom and grace.’
We cannot underestimate the importance of being a role model in society – good or bad – we are being watched and clocked by eyes that are influenced by how we are… so we have great responsibility constantly.
Sure Rachael, it is so important to live to the truth of our being and to not compromise in that as when we do we only add to the common behaviour that is all around but do not bring that unique spark of God that lives in all of us and is asked to be lived in full.
Acceptance is forever needed whatever stage we are at in our lives, and honouring what our body is saying to us at each and every moment, ‘For me it’s been more limiting to deny ageing and try to power through it, injuring an increasingly delicate body and then being totally stopped, than it is to accept it, become gentle, tender, graceful and consciously present, and thus do no further harm.’
Yes very inspiring Dianne, there are so many people in the community who are now reflecting what a true elder is and what it means to grow old gracefully, with love, commitment still to life no matter what age you are.
Beautiful sharing Dianne truly inspirational, as so many men and women are in the Esoteric Community, often as a result looking and feeling younger every time I see them! It is an amazing legacy to be living for all.
Diane, reading your blog was like a breath of fresh air. What a wonderful way to see and embrace aging. Our young people certainly need to see role models like you living in the world truly enjoying their elder years.
‘until the maintenance of youthful appearance becomes a habit or even an addiction’, and sadly for so many this holding onto youthful looks as long as possible is a great distraction from aging with grace and claiming the wisdom that is there to be shared with the younger generation.
We call it ‘ageing’ but really it is just a consequence of choices made previously, just like everything else in life. By calling it ‘ageing’ we might like to think we can avoid how it appears, but it is what it is and it is that falseness that gives us the pang as we refuse to embrace it and come face to face with the responsibility/power that we can claim.
Yes and this wisdom that can influence and empower at any age. We are made up of a series of movements that we have made, on some level we have chosen, therefore, how we age is fully in our hands. From birth to passing over.
It makes me smile to think of world famous actresses who are now in the their 70’s and still having a nip here and tuck there… holding on tight to the culture of youth in the hope that they can take it to the grave. They miss out on so much and equally it absolutely limits what they have to offer. All that experience and wisdom – such a shame when we do not share it.
“I am slowly and gradually switching the focus from how I look and what feats I can perform to living more and more gracefully, wisely and, in fact, soulfully. I am learning to break attachments to people and material things, to let go of ideals and beliefs, learning acceptance, understanding, and patience with myself and others.” This way of being is something I am coming to appreciate in my elder years is a way that one does not have to wait untlil one is elderly to live and so, as an elder, is a wisdom that I endeavour to pass on to others younger than me.
Diane what you share in this blog is very beautiful and such deep wisdom on how to embrace and appreciate the elder years – so inspiring and supportive for everyone to read.
There is so much in this blog that you have shared with us all Dianne and is an awesome imprint of how it can truly be when we enter our elder years, taking away all the falseness and misconceptions and lies about ageing….. And a timely reminder of the responsibility we each have as a role model for the younger generation.
Dianne you cover a great subject here, ageing and becoming an elder role model for others is an opportunity for many of us to embrace rather than declining into some invisible state, we have wisdom and lived experience that we are able to share, and the more we live and appreciate ourselves the easier it is for others to accept that we do hold great knowledge and wisdom that is available to all.
Learning to live gracefully and not being afraid to express the wisdom of what we can feel, rather than what we think we should say… a blueprint for growing older with more love, acceptance and connection. I recently met a couple of 72-year old women who absolutely embodied this. They said they rarely felt anxious, and felt joyful about themselves and about life, having realised that it wasn’t about the doing or what you look like, but living and not holding back who you actually, really, are.
Thank you for your comment Bryony, there is such a simplicity to what you share here, to release ourselves from the shackles of a worth based on what we do or how we look, to valuing who we are and not holding that back.
We put so much work and focus to the physical that when and if it declines we judge peoples worth on it. Almost like you are really a member of society unless you can physically do this or that. So as people age we give them a physical worth and if they end up in a retirement village or similar then this is seen as a burden at times on society. What is the true value of a person though? The mere physical alone? Or is there a value that we constantly overlook because we don’t appreciate it ourselves. Start to look at people and appreciate who they are and not only see what they can do and do the same for ourselves. That way when it comes to ageing or anything you will see the person first and not just a shell that can do something.
There is no doubt that the world needs more elders that claim their true beauty, wisdom and power and reflect to the younger generations what is possible to live…. for the world appears consumed with the surface but it is done so at the expense of the wealth we possess beneath.
Well described Dianne – the physical changes in our bodies – the stiffness and aches are a great indicator to become more aware of our bodies and how we are truly caring for ourselves. There comes a point when the body speaks so loud we can choose not to over ride it any more. This is part of the wisdom of appreciating who we are and where we are at, and reflecting on past choices that have lead us to this moment. For me there are some things that I know from deep with-in I’d never choose again. Just living this truth can reflect to others, with out even a word being said.
It’s true that there really are not many older role models, imagine an older generation that took amazing care of themselves, treated themselves with self-respect, knew they had amazing wisdom that had to be shared, maybe the younger generation would stop fearing getting old and start embracing the passage of life more.
Working in the fashion and image industry, we are an industry that upholds youth and beauty at all costs. Resisting and reacting towards this untruth of solely focusing on our external appearance, I have chosen every such possible way to be as far from caring for my physical and superficial beauty, to come back to an understanding that there cannot be any reaction in love. When I truly feel the deep love I am held in by the Divine, this is the same depth of love I can live and give back to myself. When I truly am being Love and choosing Love, there is an equal devotion and care towards what is within myself and externally no matter my age or circumstance.
“I am slowly and gradually switching the focus from how I look and what feats I can perform to living more and more gracefully, wisely and, in fact, soulfully. I am learning to break attachments to people and material things, to let go of ideals and beliefs, learning acceptance, understanding, and patience with myself and others.” This is beautiful Dianne. Surrendering gracefully in one’s elder years has reduced nearly all of the dramas of my life – that all seemed so important in my youth. Letting go of attachments – a huge one for many people.
One thing I am really starting to realise is that people who are presently or have taken ‘barbiturates, smoked cigarettes, lived on junk food, beat their wives, dumped anger and judgment on others, gossiped, cheated, lied…’ do so because they have unresolved hurts that they are trying to numb, bury or otherwise quieten.
The world would not be in the mess it is today if we had not forgotten the power and grace of elder role models. A woman in celebration of her elder energy, embodying the elder wisdom that she simply is for she never needs to try is incredibly powerful, and very much needed everywhere.
It’s no wonder we were told to ‘respect our elders’. In this way of telling it already turns you off that very thing in a certain way. Almost like we set it up ourselves in how we go about life that then turns us away from the very point we need to look at and for. Growing physically old is no right of passage for respect but more living in a way that holds true to a feeling then pulls things and people to you looking at the feeling you are holding. We have created a society that does all manner of things to people at all ages and points of life and the ageing and elderly are no different. We look down at them and equally they have a look of their own that attracts that look. In other words we all have a responsibility in how we are with everything, it’s easy to say but now the action of that talk is the key.
The value that ageing brings to our societies is not appreciated for what it so naturally can bring. Our societies are geared for going fast, acting quickly and irresponsible, inventing the wheel for the nth time again, completely ignoring the lived experience and natural pace that the elder people are bringing to life and naturally could offer to our societies.
It feels so beautiful to consider the fact that it is actually not about our bodies look having to match a certain image but it is about that inner quality of our being that emanates through it in all that we are and in everything that we do. And ageing is in fact presenting this to us as it is the body that ages but that what lives within stays forever young vital and very playful.
Thanks Nico, you really made me smile, that is a beautiful comment.
What a beautifully claiming of the elder cycle of life you offer in this blog Dianne. I agree with you in full, since beginning to feel more deeply connected to my body, there is a natural wanting to re-claim myself in full once more and continue to inspire others from simply being myself.
“This claiming of my elder years cycle is offered as a true role model for the younger generation to aspire to”.
As I grow older I understand the influence I can have on other people. It is not what I say but how I am in the world that makes a difference. That takes responsibility to a whole new level.
Universal Medicine has supported me to take this level of responsibility to a even deeper level. Even our thoughts and intentions are important.
I feel If everyone would take self-responsibility to that level, there would be no need for laws, police, and army’s.
Is it possible that this is the power that every individual has and is afraid to admit to themselves, because then they will have accept there irresponsibility, and take an honest look at what effect they have had on the world?
Hi Ken, this is a great comment, the truth about self responsibility is really emphasised by your words on how we would not need laws, police or armies if we all went to this level. You have also reminded me that even though I might not be a criminal for example, there is still greater self responsibility to be lived, especially if we peel it back to intentions and thoughts.
A very powerful comment Ken, and I agree – most of us may well be more fearful of our own power and capacity to step up and take responsibility than we realise. What a way to change the world though!
This makes very inspiring reading Dianne bring true responsibility to how we age and ow we are living and our purpose in society at all ages. “I have come to understand that An elder is a role model if they accept themselves for who they truly are, leave behind the harmful choices and irresponsibility that are considered to be the foolishness of the young, and really live their wisdom and grace.” Beautiful
I’m now considered, by age, to be an elder myself, and also relate to many people twenty thirty years older than myself. It is curious to note the difference between elders who wear their elder status with grace and dignity and those who wear it with discomfort or regret and seem stuck in the more restrictive paradigm of older ageing.
Hello Dianne and it’s great to speak about ‘respecting your elders’ in a different way. As we are seeing ‘elder’ is a quality that is held not by age alone but as I said by a quality of the way you are. How do you see yourself in relationships and life? Are you waiting for a perfect time to share what you are feeling or are in it ready for where you are to share everything. Each moment in our day is an opportunity to share all you know, all you feel and all you see. This quality does change from moment to moment but the dedication is the same, to how things feel. The more we dedicate to the quality of how things feel, the more of the same that is available or that we become aware of.
‘Each moment in our day is an opportunity to share all you know, all you feel and all you see’. I love this Ray, this way of being is open to us all regardless of age.
I agree we often believe that we need to be a certain age or be in a certain place before we are allowed to be. We wait for this perfect storm or age and it never comes, always an excuse is offered or a reason to justify our silence. Every moment is an opportunity or a choice to share what you are feeling and have the transparency to allow others to see into our world.
Poise, grace and wisdom of our elders feels so majestic to me that I wonder how we ever got so lost in the glorification of youth.
Like you share Dianne, there have been elder folk in my life that have not presented a way of living to respect.
However, there have also been some amazing elder people in my life. People who have held the care of others deeply in their hearts and also have had no fear of saying it how it is, not with a need to be known, but with the presentation of fact from what they have encountered in their lives. Elders for whom my respect was held, with no asking, as it was present in how they respected themselves.
“I am slowly and gradually switching the focus from how I look and what feats I can perform to living more and more gracefully, wisely and, in fact, soulfully. I am learning to break attachments to people and material things, to let go of ideals and beliefs, learning acceptance, understanding, and patience with myself and others.”
Dianne your words here are ones that I take with me, deeply feel, connect with and live by as I to enter into my elder years. Thank you.
What becomes very clear when reading this is that we are role models all the time and how pertinent it is to be aware of it and take the responsibility that comes with it. In everything we do and the way we are we say this is the way life is lived, so we are always contributing to how the world and our systems are.
It is ever-inspiring to meet an elder who walks with settlement, knowing that the quality of who they are within is immeasurable and unchanging, from which an infinite well of wisdom and beauty is embraced. This reflection offers all equally, young and old, the opportunity and freedom to discover the Soulfull-ness of life that can be lived by us all.
To embrace wisdom and grace at any age but especially as we get older is amazing and very much needed in our world today for all of us, young and old.
If, at any age, we do not respect ourselves then how can we expect others to respect us? True elder energy develops the knowledge of experience into lived wisdom.
Aging does indeed offer us the possibility of looking beyond the physical, and in fact having to slow down as is often the case with age, allows us to bring more quality into how we are and how we move, and this is something to be welcomed – to have the time and space to develop and live from within us more and express those qualities out in the world is something I look forward to embracing as part of my aging process.
Dianne, what a gorgeous sharing and a real expose of how we sanctify youth and vilify age to the detriment of both. I love how you are approaching and appreciating your aging and in particular this line ‘I am slowly and gradually switching the focus from how I look and what feats I can perform to living more and more gracefully, wisely and, in fact, soulfully’ is a beautiful celebration of the joy of connecting within and how we can embrace what each age offers us. There is so much learning and it’s at every age, and what I feel is offered as we get older is an invitation to surrender into us, to live the wisdom we all innately have in us, and this is something that is badly needed in our societies today – as an analogy image that we only had 2 seasons spring and 3/4’s of summer, with no autumn or winter – that’s how we live now, celebrating spring and summer and denying autumn and winter and like the seasons each age has it’s beauty and learning.
“I have come to understand that An elder is a role model if they accept themselves for who they truly are, leave behind the harmful choices and irresponsibility that are considered to be the foolishness of the young, and really live their wisdom and grace.” – this is beautiful Diane, and really captures the essence of a role model. A role model is not about being perfect nor of having led a life of perfection, rather is it about having learned from ‘mistakes’ and now choosing to live in a way that is far more respectful and caring and honouring of self and hence all those around us. Thanks Diane for this amazing blog that is helping bring back an understanding of what and who are the true elderly role models.
The human body may start to wear out as we age in years but when we truly appreciate ourselves and stay committed to life in full there is a grace and wisdom that can emanate from us as we mature that people really do feel.
‘ every human must be respected as an equal, but this doesn’t remove the responsibility we have for the choices we make, no matter what age’. No it dosent, and if we allow people to be irresponsible especially those we live with, this just feels a dis-regard to ourselves.
‘ I am slowly and gradually switching the focus from how I look and what feats I can perform to living more and more gracefully, wisely and, in fact, soulfully. I am learning to break attachments to people and material things, to let go of ideals and beliefs, learning acceptance, understanding, and patience with myself and others’. This is also my process…. and the more I let go, the more space I create to allow and express my elder energy.
Beautifully claimed Dianne. I too am finding incredible beauty in embracing the ageing process. I am loving myself and appreciating my body more than I did in my youth, and absolutely delighting in the depth of wisdom, patience and understanding that I can bring. Embracing the ageing process and allowing the space to explore my innermost being is the greatest gift I can offer to others.
This is great, and is what true elders can bring, support of the younger generation by showing that becoming older is not becoming less. I feel it is amazing to feel – in every year we get older – we grow, and we can truly support the younger generation. Even as I am considered young myself, those going through periods in life I have passed I can truly support by my living way.
Ageing gracefully has always been a fascination for me – what will I be like when it happens to me, will I want to dye my hair or won’t I? Will I do it for me or for others? I can have all the plans in the world, but I would be living to a picture of what I think getting old is going to look like. I have been on the look out for these pictures ever since I became aware of them and blasting them out! With baby steps I am embracing the daily changes, large and small of getting older. Thank you for reminding me Dianne, as I have taken a moment to write a comment, it has been great to connect to what I actually feel about ageing and how I feel about that process in my body.
It is very hard to respect someone who tells you to respect them from a place of power or control. You may obey them out of fear or habit but respect – no.
I can understand why we often resist certain associations with words because what we see and experience doesn’t match up to the true meaning of the word. This is certainly true of the word ”Elder’ and one which I didn’t have high regard for either up until a few years ago. Having had the inspiring experience of some true Elder role models such as Natalie Benhayon (which busted my myth totally that Elder had to do with age), I have begun to appreciate what being a true Elder is, and now in my 50s, beginning to embrace this as a role model I can also be.
‘This non self-respecting behaviour by elders leaves younger people adrift in misconceptions and confusion about growing older and our changing roles throughout our lives.’ This sentence goes right to the epicentre of the issue. In the process of our own ageing and coming to terms with what that truly means and represents, we become increasingly responsible for the imprint we leave behind on the next generation. So our lived example today reflects the lived quality that will arise and play out in subsequent generations.
As children we are elders in the making, so responsibility is never without us contributing to what life will look like when it is our turn to hold the mantle of elder years.
Dianne thank you for such a gorgeous blog raising some great points about claiming the elder energy for others to be inspired by. There is so much emphasis on being young and how not to age these days which goes against the cycle we all will naturally come to. Your elder energy and deep wisdom is appreciated in this blog, and this is just one of your many gems worth repeating -‘This claiming of my elder years cycle is offered as a true role model for the younger generation to aspire to.’
This is truly beautiful to read, as that is what will be truly inspiring younger people like me, elders have a great sense and understanding of life, but what is so often portrayed that life is only about being young. If that was the case, we probably wouldn’t age like we do.. It is a natural cycle which is truly beautiful when fully accepted.
‘And it is certainly true that ageing people who do not accept themselves for who they are, are less likely to embrace the wisdom and service they can bring as they age to become true role models.’ I agree Dianne, I am 55 years old and am starting to embrace the fact I am an elder woman, I must say I find myself more beautiful than when I was younger. Accepting the cycles of life is definitely very powerful, accepting the wisdom that comes with ageing comes with the responsibility of being a support for younger people and elder people too, to show them there is another way of ageing.
Diane, I love your examinations. This is such a powerful blog. One that should be in the mainstream press for all to read! Have you considered sending it into one of those sections of the paper where people share personal stories/ viewpoints?”
“What would happen if the cosmetic services were all taken away – how would we be with facing the truth of how we have been living? Gone would be the artificial surface ‘beauty’. The consequences of our past choices could no longer be covered up.
It would be scary to let go of our ‘youth props’ and be exposed, vulnerable and seen as we really are: we would then have to derive our self-worth from our innermost instead of our outermost. For many, that change could be quite difficult and challenging.
And the beauty, power and reclamation of ” what if, instead, we elders took responsibility for claiming our ageing beauty and wisdom as role models?”
I’m looking forward to grey hair too, and am waiting for it to reach some critical mass! There can be a lovely softness in grey hair. Though the other day I did see a older, otherwise slightly unfashionable lady with a walking frame sporting a very ‘on-trend’ mohawk in a fetching shade of pale blue. What a strange juxtaposition it was. It felt like someone younger had talked her into it… and not necessarily honouring of who she was.
This great article is jam-packed with all sorts of excellent points. First up, it has reminded me of the quote of some famous wit: ‘Youth is wasted on the young’. I’ve often reflected on that notion and it seems it smacks simultaneously of wistfulness (of opportunities missed and a large chunk of life potentially wasted), a tinge of jealousy, and a genuine exasperation with the fact that young people can indeed take their youthfulness for granted and or extend a particularly youthful phase a little too long. And then we glamourise it, often chasing youth well past the time we should, as pointed out here. What a strange relationship we have with youth! As Dianne’s article illustrates, we need to honour each and every phase of life in its fullness.