When I was a kid we were often told: “Respect your Elders!” Back then, respect was ‘earned’ by what you did, so this demand to respect elders by the standard of the day was to me a contradiction. I could appreciate the principle, but was constantly frustrated about having to respect people who were making choices and behaving in self-degrading or abusive ways that did not meet up to my own principles.
At the time I remember wondering, “Why should I respect people who got drunk, killed themselves with barbiturates, smoked cigarettes, lived on junk food, beat their wives, dumped anger and judgment on others, gossiped, cheated, lied, tried to be someone else…?” Of course every human must be respected as an equal, but this doesn’t remove the responsibility we have for the choices we make, no matter what age.
The elders I was told to respect were not role models that I aspired to become, or to look up to, in my growing years. It made me question where were the Elder role models that glow with the grace, wisdom, poise and responsibility that can come from age?
I have come to understand that An elder is a role model if they accept themselves for who they truly are, leave behind the harmful choices and irresponsibility that are considered to be the foolishness of the young, and really live their wisdom and grace.
And it is certainly true that ageing people who do not accept themselves for who they are, are less likely to embrace the wisdom and service they can bring as they age to become true role models. When they try to look artificially young in spite of the inevitable physical progress of ageing, they are (consciously or unconsciously) sending a poor message to younger people. A message that says:
- I’m not good enough
- Ageing is awful and to be avoided
- My self-esteem comes from how I look
- You have to fit in to the ideal of youthfulness or you’re nothing
- I wish I were still youthful like you, etc.
All this does is help spawn yet another generation who will feel pressured to do the same – clinging to youthful appearance and behaviours, acting irresponsibly, feeling less and less worthy based on their looks, sexuality and physical abilities, dreading illness and death, and being fearful of losing whatever youthfulness they have.
This non self-respecting behaviour by elders leaves younger people adrift in misconceptions and confusion about growing older and our changing roles throughout our lives.
Having said that, society goes to quite a lot of effort to keep elders down, feeling lesser, and trying to meet the youthful ideals. For example, there is a growing trend in women’s magazines of profiling the ‘sexy’ older woman in the same stereotyped style of modelling, photography and dress as for young women. Society’s message: keep conforming to ‘youth looks’ for as long as you can or you’re not beautiful or acceptable being old! Dye your hair, plaster on makeup, lift up those breasts, hide the sags, exude sexuality, and emphasize your body…. This is degrading enough for young women – imagine how older women truly feel about it?
Many of our elders have allowed themselves to be degraded and disregarded by the culture of youth worship, to the great detriment of society.
Why do we accept this degradation of the aging process? Imagine if all the elders expressed their true beauty, wisdom and power for the benefit of humanity? Oh boy, there would be a big shakeup of the status quo! The population would wake up to the lie that many of us have been living… and there are vested interests that would not like that, eg. the plastic surgery and cosmetics industries!
Not only elders are targeted by plastic surgery, cosmetic advertising, fashion and health magazines, etc, but younger people are too – with the pressure to “never look older no matter what,” until the maintenance of youthful appearance becomes a habit or even an addiction.
What would happen if the cosmetic services were all taken away – how would we be with facing the truth of how we have been living? Gone would be the artificial surface ‘beauty’. The consequences of our past choices could no longer be covered up.
It would be scary to let go of our ‘youth props’ and be exposed, vulnerable and seen as we really are: we would then have to derive our self-worth from our innermost instead of our outermost. For many, that change could be quite difficult and challenging. But what if, instead, we elders took responsibility for claiming our ageing beauty and wisdom as role models?
For myself, having always enjoyed my body, been very athletic, physically powerful and capable of doing just about anything, it is hard accepting the physical decline that comes with age. I know, I’ve been going through that, and am not entirely ‘out of the woods’ yet. It is difficult to let go and learn to be much more gentle and conscious of one’s body, no longer driving it, striving to achieve and experience like we once did. What I have learned is that refusal to accept the flow of nature comes with consequences – painful ones!
For me it’s been more limiting to deny ageing and try to power through it, injuring an increasingly delicate body and then being totally stopped, than it is to accept it, become gentle, tender, graceful and consciously present, and thus do no further harm. I do whatever I can to naturally support my body with nourishment and nurturing so it can be as well as it can and the inner wellbeing can show on the outside as my natural beauty.
I refuse to go the cosmetic surgery route, and won’t even dye my hair. When/if it ever goes grey it will be just as beautiful, and it will be my ‘badge of maturity’! That’s my choice of course; everyone is free to choose their colours and styles for self-expression. Maybe one day I’ll go violet and turquoise stripes just for fun, who knows!
Notwithstanding the, at times, frustrating aspects of an ageing body with its aches, pains and stiffness, I realise there are many great benefits of these increasing physical limitations of ageing – for there are no other limitations! This decline in physical abilities changes the focus on how I am living and what I now value more in discovering the real benefits of my elder years.
I am slowly and gradually switching the focus from how I look and what feats I can perform to living more and more gracefully, wisely and, in fact, soulfully. I am learning to break attachments to people and material things, to let go of ideals and beliefs, learning acceptance, understanding, and patience with myself and others.
It is giving me the opportunity to morph from a physical being living under the control of the chaos of the world to living from my innermost essence, seeing and doing life from the perspective of the soul.
This claiming of my elder years cycle is offered as a true role model for the younger generation to aspire to.
by Dianne Trussell.
Further Reading:
Sex Appeal of Beautiful Mature Women – What Exactly Does That Look Like?!
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
I was always very fond of both my grandmothers, they are now long gone. As a child there was something very special about having a week’s holiday with Nan. We got to share the week together, me tagging along, having trips on the ferry or the gardens or in the kitchen cooking together. These were very formative relationships for me and formative in how I treat elders in my community now and those in my care when I work. I really do enjoy the company of people older than myself as well as younger, they both bring very different things.
It is true every person should be respected and treated as an equal. I know of people in their 70’s and 80’s that have such a spark of life, joy and vitality that this has confirmed to me age it just a number it is how we live from within that counts and of course our true elder energy and true elder role models should definitely be both appreciated and celebrated for what they have to offer is absolute gold.
That is beautiful Elisabeth, and part of that is knowing your role in society. As you are living a life of purpose and service you do not look to retire/withdraw from life but to bring more of you each day. In this way your lived experience only expands and there is even more to offer when you get older. How amazing.
I love being around the elders in our community, they have so much wisdom and lived experiences to share and inspire us with.
What I feel very strongly reading this is how we can live with delicateness and grace and that aging for many introduces this as a necessity but in fact we can do this at any stage, and how great to see our elders living in this way and reminding us that we too can live this now, no matter what our age.
Respect your elders? What if true respect is not to bow down and kiss the feet of the elders but treat them as an equal? What if true respect is not to feel sorry for them because they’re old, but feel the power and wisdom of their lived experience? What if respecting our elders is simply to treat them the way we would treat any other human being, with integrity and care?
Respect is about not trying to put yourself over someone else. Respect is not a synonym of being willing to learn though. We may be utterly respectful but totally closed to a person. So, it is not about positioning. It is about learning. It is about reflection.
I agree Eduardo and respect is not something you can be ‘made’ to do. Not true respect this instead comes from and innate and natural impulse within.
When not accepting and living life from the place of who we truly are, the very thought of accepting and living who we are seems like the least attractive option of all because we do know in truth there’s more to life, and more to be lived, so ‘accepting’ feels like giving up or settling for less, so the battle and resistance continues.
Looking in fashion magazines to choose how we should look takes us away from seeing in the mirror all the strength and beauty of an elder woman who knows who she is.
Ageing brings a lot onto the table to consider. Although many things change over time, the beauty of ageing is that it also allows to reflect again upon what is that we bring into this world and what are we capable of deliver and the extent to which our delivery comes from the usual angle or from a new one.
Thank you Dianne, this is a great article to read periodically. I love the way you express your wisdom and encourage us to do the same as we age.
I deeply cherish the space and steadiness I feel within myself since being in my forties. I also recognise that it’s not in ageing that this comes to us. Living with our elder energy is a choice that can be made at any age.
How beautiful and nurturing to see the increasing physical limitations of an ageing body as an opportunity to explore our deeper qualities and embrace the wisdom we so naturally hold within.
‘An elder is a role model if they accept themselves for who they truly are, leave behind the harmful choices and irresponsibility that are considered to be the foolishness of the young, and really live their wisdom and grace.’ What a powerful, unequivocal definition! I appreciate the expectation of standard and quality it sets, below which anything else is possibly an outcome of adulation from another based on glamour or comparison that then begets the ‘Me Too’ mentality so prevalent in our society. Being a role model isn’t a doing. It’s living a quality that others notice and from there are inspired to choose to want to adopt or adapt into their own way of living and of being.
It totally breaks any illusion of what we thought that elderly role models are or should look like. Till this very day it has been portrayed by a few if not many — that elderly is about getting older and loosing the vitality (and all things once had) but in fact this all is a big fat lie — being elder is a very absolute given and example for all the youngster to come to their ages. Once we see that as an elder and younger person, we will come to appreciate our roles more (truly) and benefit from each other. Our world will change from there onwards. Let alone all the loneliness in our society will take away.
I love what you have written Dianne, it is very refreshing to read from an elder woman. Deeply inspiring for young and old, you shine forth the way of the future for all of us…
Learning to live with and accept the increasing decline of strength of our physical body as we age can be challenging at times; whereas allowing ourselves to just surrender to our fragility and tenderness really helps with the process.
As you say Dianne to ‘work’ on your inner beauty young or old will transform your ‘outer’ beauty. You will be happy or better still have a marked Joy because you feel well , vital and healthy; and this can be at any age.
Indeed Adele, it is that deepening of the relationship with ourselves that will make us to accept and appreciate that our body is becoming older, every day we live. And with that we will understand that while we were young we thought we were invincible but life teaches us that we actually are not in charge and that we have to surrender to a greater cycle that is not in our hands.
“It is giving me the opportunity to morph from a physical being living under the control of the chaos of the world to living from my innermost essence, seeing and doing life from the perspective of the soul.” I love the way you described the surrendering to the soul Dianne. When we live like that we will only see the beauty that emanates from within and will be in appreciation of that what we have lived so far.
I love the true call to how we can all be role models in this world and the call to support our elders to be themselves.
Ever since I was young I always held a great love and joy when in the company of elders. We can learn and understand much of the world when we listen and embrace the wisdom shared by elders and their life experiences. Thank you Dianne I simply love this blog.
Getting older is indeed deeply covered with false pictures, that it is not something to aspire to, that it is a time for indulging in food, alcohol and holidays or throw yourself into voluntary work! Yet there is so much more to getting older and it does come from a feeling of being deeply content in ourselves and knowing what an important reflection of love and joy we can be in the later days of our life.
It’s a great point Doug, the term “respect your elders” shouldn’t be used for entitlement or to excuse behaviour. Really, respect needs to be across the board and for all age groups. “Respect yourself and all others equally” would be a much better foundation to start with.
Hi Ken, this is a great comment, the truth about self responsibility is really emphasised by your words on how we would not need laws, police or armies if we all went to this level. You have also reminded me that even though I might not be a criminal for example, there is still greater self responsibility to be lived, especially if we peel it back to intentions and thoughts.
Thanks Nico, you really made me smile, that is a beautiful comment.
It’s crazy, not only do we not value people for who they are but we don’t value specific age groups. For example we might be dismissive of children or elders based on their age, when their reflection and all they have to offer is equally important. It’s astonishing how many ways we diminish other human beings. Equality is so simple, love and value everyone unconditionally.
Dianne this was great to read again. We have made life so focused on the physical experience, sensual pleasures and body image etc, instead of the glorious being that’s on the inside. What I have noticed with elders living joyfully is that they bring such strong values, such as respect and decency, and they feel super solid in themselves as they have a loving relationship with who they are. An elders wisdom is very practical as it’s born from a lifetime of learning and observation.
When we can accept that we are Souls living in a physical body and in that expressing the divine in everything we are there is no need to look to any image that is presented to us in any way, shape or form for we are just us, shining our divine light in and through everything that we do.
Acceptance of who we are is important whatever stage of life we are in, it certainly helps in our elder years,
‘I have come to understand that An elder is a role model if they accept themselves for who they truly are, leave behind the harmful choices and irresponsibility that are considered to be the foolishness of the young, and really live their wisdom and grace.’
We cannot underestimate the importance of being a role model in society – good or bad – we are being watched and clocked by eyes that are influenced by how we are… so we have great responsibility constantly.
Sure Rachael, it is so important to live to the truth of our being and to not compromise in that as when we do we only add to the common behaviour that is all around but do not bring that unique spark of God that lives in all of us and is asked to be lived in full.
Acceptance is forever needed whatever stage we are at in our lives, and honouring what our body is saying to us at each and every moment, ‘For me it’s been more limiting to deny ageing and try to power through it, injuring an increasingly delicate body and then being totally stopped, than it is to accept it, become gentle, tender, graceful and consciously present, and thus do no further harm.’
Yes very inspiring Dianne, there are so many people in the community who are now reflecting what a true elder is and what it means to grow old gracefully, with love, commitment still to life no matter what age you are.
Beautiful sharing Dianne truly inspirational, as so many men and women are in the Esoteric Community, often as a result looking and feeling younger every time I see them! It is an amazing legacy to be living for all.
Diane, reading your blog was like a breath of fresh air. What a wonderful way to see and embrace aging. Our young people certainly need to see role models like you living in the world truly enjoying their elder years.
‘until the maintenance of youthful appearance becomes a habit or even an addiction’, and sadly for so many this holding onto youthful looks as long as possible is a great distraction from aging with grace and claiming the wisdom that is there to be shared with the younger generation.
We call it ‘ageing’ but really it is just a consequence of choices made previously, just like everything else in life. By calling it ‘ageing’ we might like to think we can avoid how it appears, but it is what it is and it is that falseness that gives us the pang as we refuse to embrace it and come face to face with the responsibility/power that we can claim.
“I am slowly and gradually switching the focus from how I look and what feats I can perform to living more and more gracefully, wisely and, in fact, soulfully. I am learning to break attachments to people and material things, to let go of ideals and beliefs, learning acceptance, understanding, and patience with myself and others.” This way of being is something I am coming to appreciate in my elder years is a way that one does not have to wait untlil one is elderly to live and so, as an elder, is a wisdom that I endeavour to pass on to others younger than me.
Diane what you share in this blog is very beautiful and such deep wisdom on how to embrace and appreciate the elder years – so inspiring and supportive for everyone to read.
There is so much in this blog that you have shared with us all Dianne and is an awesome imprint of how it can truly be when we enter our elder years, taking away all the falseness and misconceptions and lies about ageing….. And a timely reminder of the responsibility we each have as a role model for the younger generation.
Dianne you cover a great subject here, ageing and becoming an elder role model for others is an opportunity for many of us to embrace rather than declining into some invisible state, we have wisdom and lived experience that we are able to share, and the more we live and appreciate ourselves the easier it is for others to accept that we do hold great knowledge and wisdom that is available to all.
Learning to live gracefully and not being afraid to express the wisdom of what we can feel, rather than what we think we should say… a blueprint for growing older with more love, acceptance and connection. I recently met a couple of 72-year old women who absolutely embodied this. They said they rarely felt anxious, and felt joyful about themselves and about life, having realised that it wasn’t about the doing or what you look like, but living and not holding back who you actually, really, are.
Thank you for your comment Bryony, there is such a simplicity to what you share here, to release ourselves from the shackles of a worth based on what we do or how we look, to valuing who we are and not holding that back.
We put so much work and focus to the physical that when and if it declines we judge peoples worth on it. Almost like you are really a member of society unless you can physically do this or that. So as people age we give them a physical worth and if they end up in a retirement village or similar then this is seen as a burden at times on society. What is the true value of a person though? The mere physical alone? Or is there a value that we constantly overlook because we don’t appreciate it ourselves. Start to look at people and appreciate who they are and not only see what they can do and do the same for ourselves. That way when it comes to ageing or anything you will see the person first and not just a shell that can do something.
Well described Dianne – the physical changes in our bodies – the stiffness and aches are a great indicator to become more aware of our bodies and how we are truly caring for ourselves. There comes a point when the body speaks so loud we can choose not to over ride it any more. This is part of the wisdom of appreciating who we are and where we are at, and reflecting on past choices that have lead us to this moment. For me there are some things that I know from deep with-in I’d never choose again. Just living this truth can reflect to others, with out even a word being said.
It’s true that there really are not many older role models, imagine an older generation that took amazing care of themselves, treated themselves with self-respect, knew they had amazing wisdom that had to be shared, maybe the younger generation would stop fearing getting old and start embracing the passage of life more.
One thing I am really starting to realise is that people who are presently or have taken ‘barbiturates, smoked cigarettes, lived on junk food, beat their wives, dumped anger and judgment on others, gossiped, cheated, lied…’ do so because they have unresolved hurts that they are trying to numb, bury or otherwise quieten.
The world would not be in the mess it is today if we had not forgotten the power and grace of elder role models. A woman in celebration of her elder energy, embodying the elder wisdom that she simply is for she never needs to try is incredibly powerful, and very much needed everywhere.
It’s no wonder we were told to ‘respect our elders’. In this way of telling it already turns you off that very thing in a certain way. Almost like we set it up ourselves in how we go about life that then turns us away from the very point we need to look at and for. Growing physically old is no right of passage for respect but more living in a way that holds true to a feeling then pulls things and people to you looking at the feeling you are holding. We have created a society that does all manner of things to people at all ages and points of life and the ageing and elderly are no different. We look down at them and equally they have a look of their own that attracts that look. In other words we all have a responsibility in how we are with everything, it’s easy to say but now the action of that talk is the key.
The value that ageing brings to our societies is not appreciated for what it so naturally can bring. Our societies are geared for going fast, acting quickly and irresponsible, inventing the wheel for the nth time again, completely ignoring the lived experience and natural pace that the elder people are bringing to life and naturally could offer to our societies.
What a beautifully claiming of the elder cycle of life you offer in this blog Dianne. I agree with you in full, since beginning to feel more deeply connected to my body, there is a natural wanting to re-claim myself in full once more and continue to inspire others from simply being myself.
“This claiming of my elder years cycle is offered as a true role model for the younger generation to aspire to”.
I agree we often believe that we need to be a certain age or be in a certain place before we are allowed to be. We wait for this perfect storm or age and it never comes, always an excuse is offered or a reason to justify our silence. Every moment is an opportunity or a choice to share what you are feeling and have the transparency to allow others to see into our world.
It is ever-inspiring to meet an elder who walks with settlement, knowing that the quality of who they are within is immeasurable and unchanging, from which an infinite well of wisdom and beauty is embraced. This reflection offers all equally, young and old, the opportunity and freedom to discover the Soulfull-ness of life that can be lived by us all.
If, at any age, we do not respect ourselves then how can we expect others to respect us? True elder energy develops the knowledge of experience into lived wisdom.
Aging does indeed offer us the possibility of looking beyond the physical, and in fact having to slow down as is often the case with age, allows us to bring more quality into how we are and how we move, and this is something to be welcomed – to have the time and space to develop and live from within us more and express those qualities out in the world is something I look forward to embracing as part of my aging process.
Dianne, what a gorgeous sharing and a real expose of how we sanctify youth and vilify age to the detriment of both. I love how you are approaching and appreciating your aging and in particular this line ‘I am slowly and gradually switching the focus from how I look and what feats I can perform to living more and more gracefully, wisely and, in fact, soulfully’ is a beautiful celebration of the joy of connecting within and how we can embrace what each age offers us. There is so much learning and it’s at every age, and what I feel is offered as we get older is an invitation to surrender into us, to live the wisdom we all innately have in us, and this is something that is badly needed in our societies today – as an analogy image that we only had 2 seasons spring and 3/4’s of summer, with no autumn or winter – that’s how we live now, celebrating spring and summer and denying autumn and winter and like the seasons each age has it’s beauty and learning.
“I have come to understand that An elder is a role model if they accept themselves for who they truly are, leave behind the harmful choices and irresponsibility that are considered to be the foolishness of the young, and really live their wisdom and grace.” – this is beautiful Diane, and really captures the essence of a role model. A role model is not about being perfect nor of having led a life of perfection, rather is it about having learned from ‘mistakes’ and now choosing to live in a way that is far more respectful and caring and honouring of self and hence all those around us. Thanks Diane for this amazing blog that is helping bring back an understanding of what and who are the true elderly role models.
The human body may start to wear out as we age in years but when we truly appreciate ourselves and stay committed to life in full there is a grace and wisdom that can emanate from us as we mature that people really do feel.
‘ every human must be respected as an equal, but this doesn’t remove the responsibility we have for the choices we make, no matter what age’. No it dosent, and if we allow people to be irresponsible especially those we live with, this just feels a dis-regard to ourselves.
‘ I am slowly and gradually switching the focus from how I look and what feats I can perform to living more and more gracefully, wisely and, in fact, soulfully. I am learning to break attachments to people and material things, to let go of ideals and beliefs, learning acceptance, understanding, and patience with myself and others’. This is also my process…. and the more I let go, the more space I create to allow and express my elder energy.
Beautifully claimed Dianne. I too am finding incredible beauty in embracing the ageing process. I am loving myself and appreciating my body more than I did in my youth, and absolutely delighting in the depth of wisdom, patience and understanding that I can bring. Embracing the ageing process and allowing the space to explore my innermost being is the greatest gift I can offer to others.
This is great, and is what true elders can bring, support of the younger generation by showing that becoming older is not becoming less. I feel it is amazing to feel – in every year we get older – we grow, and we can truly support the younger generation. Even as I am considered young myself, those going through periods in life I have passed I can truly support by my living way.
Ageing gracefully has always been a fascination for me – what will I be like when it happens to me, will I want to dye my hair or won’t I? Will I do it for me or for others? I can have all the plans in the world, but I would be living to a picture of what I think getting old is going to look like. I have been on the look out for these pictures ever since I became aware of them and blasting them out! With baby steps I am embracing the daily changes, large and small of getting older. Thank you for reminding me Dianne, as I have taken a moment to write a comment, it has been great to connect to what I actually feel about ageing and how I feel about that process in my body.
It is very hard to respect someone who tells you to respect them from a place of power or control. You may obey them out of fear or habit but respect – no.
I can understand why we often resist certain associations with words because what we see and experience doesn’t match up to the true meaning of the word. This is certainly true of the word ”Elder’ and one which I didn’t have high regard for either up until a few years ago. Having had the inspiring experience of some true Elder role models such as Natalie Benhayon (which busted my myth totally that Elder had to do with age), I have begun to appreciate what being a true Elder is, and now in my 50s, beginning to embrace this as a role model I can also be.
‘This non self-respecting behaviour by elders leaves younger people adrift in misconceptions and confusion about growing older and our changing roles throughout our lives.’ This sentence goes right to the epicentre of the issue. In the process of our own ageing and coming to terms with what that truly means and represents, we become increasingly responsible for the imprint we leave behind on the next generation. So our lived example today reflects the lived quality that will arise and play out in subsequent generations.
As children we are elders in the making, so responsibility is never without us contributing to what life will look like when it is our turn to hold the mantle of elder years.
This is truly beautiful to read, as that is what will be truly inspiring younger people like me, elders have a great sense and understanding of life, but what is so often portrayed that life is only about being young. If that was the case, we probably wouldn’t age like we do.. It is a natural cycle which is truly beautiful when fully accepted.
True Dianne and I love this line ‘Too much seriousness becomes a depressing habit, that shrinks and hardens us, robs life of its flexibility, spontaneity, silliness and fun. But you can still be (reasonably) graceful and present even while being playful and silly!’ When we stop being playful and silly it is as if life has already ended. I see this a lot in my work with elderly people and I just love it when I see a sparkle in their eyes when I am playful and silly around them while I am enjoying my work, it’s such a privilege to work with elderly people.
‘And it is certainly true that ageing people who do not accept themselves for who they are, are less likely to embrace the wisdom and service they can bring as they age to become true role models.’ I agree Dianne, I am 55 years old and am starting to embrace the fact I am an elder woman, I must say I find myself more beautiful than when I was younger. Accepting the cycles of life is definitely very powerful, accepting the wisdom that comes with ageing comes with the responsibility of being a support for younger people and elder people too, to show them there is another way of ageing.
Diane, I love your examinations. This is such a powerful blog. One that should be in the mainstream press for all to read! Have you considered sending it into one of those sections of the paper where people share personal stories/ viewpoints?”
“What would happen if the cosmetic services were all taken away – how would we be with facing the truth of how we have been living? Gone would be the artificial surface ‘beauty’. The consequences of our past choices could no longer be covered up.
It would be scary to let go of our ‘youth props’ and be exposed, vulnerable and seen as we really are: we would then have to derive our self-worth from our innermost instead of our outermost. For many, that change could be quite difficult and challenging.
And the beauty, power and reclamation of ” what if, instead, we elders took responsibility for claiming our ageing beauty and wisdom as role models?”
Yes Vanessa, this I remember well, and is still very common way to treat children. It was awful to feel older people talking about things that you didn’t agree with but not being allowed to speak up and disagree. I just had a memory of that with my parents often having people around for dinner, wanting me to be there to be the good and obliging daughter, but not wanting me to say anything that was out of line. And so the pattern of non expression developed. It is still something I am working with but I am glad to say that it has definately changed since understandng that ‘Expression is Everything’, as we are so often reminded of during presentations and workshops from Serge Benhayon.
What you describe here is so relatable Dianne. The seriousness we adopt in life is no fun at all. It has an all-pervasive way of taking over the control of what surrounds us. I wonder if severe cases of unwarranted seriousness are a ‘first world problem’? There is so much to be joyful about and for me it starts with appreciation – of the little things in life. Then it is an easy step to silliness and fun.
Ha ha too funny, I think I recall the same! Yet I have to confess had I stayed with myself as a child I could have been a wise teenaged elder.
I’m looking forward to grey hair too, and am waiting for it to reach some critical mass! There can be a lovely softness in grey hair. Though the other day I did see a older, otherwise slightly unfashionable lady with a walking frame sporting a very ‘on-trend’ mohawk in a fetching shade of pale blue. What a strange juxtaposition it was. It felt like someone younger had talked her into it… and not necessarily honouring of who she was.
This great article is jam-packed with all sorts of excellent points. First up, it has reminded me of the quote of some famous wit: ‘Youth is wasted on the young’. I’ve often reflected on that notion and it seems it smacks simultaneously of wistfulness (of opportunities missed and a large chunk of life potentially wasted), a tinge of jealousy, and a genuine exasperation with the fact that young people can indeed take their youthfulness for granted and or extend a particularly youthful phase a little too long. And then we glamourise it, often chasing youth well past the time we should, as pointed out here. What a strange relationship we have with youth! As Dianne’s article illustrates, we need to honour each and every phase of life in its fullness.
I love this article Dianne, you are living as a true role model in the elder energy which is a glorious reflection for people of any age to see and feel. Sharing this elder energy is a responsibility which has much value all around.
“This claiming of my elder years cycle is offered as a true role model for the younger generation to aspire to.” Yes reading your blog Dianne made me feel inspired that all you described above can be done at any age. Connecting more deeply with myself and my soul is something worthwhile doing at any age.
Being wise and sharing our innate wisdom is ageless.
I have often heard older people say they still ‘feel’ young on the inside but not physically able. The inner youthfulness that is felt, is the eternal ageless being that lives within. This is a fantastic reflection or marker when you have a body that is no longer youthful or capable of youthful actions. Much awareness can be felt from this relationship and can be so valuable in sharing with children and young adults.
What a tremendous piece of writing Dianne – thank you.
What has become clear to me as we read this blog is that humanity at large does not understand what life is all about, and struggles with so many things that the question has to be asked “do we truly know what we are doing?” We have youth issues, we have elder issues, we have middle age issues, we have violence, we have reality tv etc that is maintaining a current pattern of life. But what if there is no truth in any of it, and the quality we miss that we had when we were born, the quality of love, preciousness, stillness and warmth is what life is truly about?
That is a great revelation Dianne! Playfulness is a key here, that is why grandchildren, whether they are our own or children that we have contact to, can be so healing for elder people, because they remind us how to play, laugh and have fun. That is if we allow ourselves to open up to that.
Yes, it seems to me that a lot of elderly people give up at some point as they feel ignored and not valued and they do play their part of the role by the way they dress, speak and contribute to society, etc. It is an issue that needs to be addressed by everyone and cannot be blamed on one group or the other.
Spot on Jessica – way too much emphasis is placed on our age whereas the truth is held in Ageless Wisdom.
Well said Tamara – wisdom is not based on age or what we would call ‘experience’, because everyone is constantly experiencing life so has equal authority
I totally agree Jessica- “every human must be respected as an equal, but this doesn’t remove the responsibility we have for the choices we make, no matter what age”.
In accepting that we all have something valuable to bring to humanity, no matter what age, when we value and appreciate the divine inner qualities within us, and live from here, not from how society wants us to be.
Absolutely Loretta
Absolutely agree with you, rebeccawingrave, I too love that description of an elder. What a shame that we do not see many examples of that nowadays. So many older people are constantly trying to prove that they are still young, and can still do the things that they did when they were young and still refusing to take responsibility for the things that come about because of their behaviours and choices. Of course it is important to keep ourselves truly fit and healthy, but how much more important it is to truly accept oneself as one is ageing, and live the joys that come from really knowing oneself as we go on through life. The words that come to me are ‘Ageing Gracefully’. It is beautiful to meet a true elder who is ageing gracefully and lovingly.
“I have come to understand that An elder is a role model if they accept themselves for who they truly are, leave behind the harmful choices and irresponsibility that are considered to be the foolishness of the young, and really live their wisdom and grace.” Absolutely, Dianne, to really live their wisdom and grace is what is necessary for an older person to be regarded as a true elder. What a shame that so many older people in our society seem to act like rebellious teenagers, unwilling to take responsibility for their actions and choices. And such a shame also, as society needs many more true elders as role models for those following them in life.
As I have got older I realise I have so much more to learn and some of the wisest teachers are children. Wisdom has no correlation to age; it is knowing who you truly are and living from the love of your inner-most being.
I love your blog very much Dianne because I too find it ridiculous with all the youthism around getting older. What is bad in getting older by accepting the flow of nature? I have to admit that I do not like to wear sackcloth and ashes (that was my picture of a woman getting older) – no I like to wear cloth that fits to me because I love it to celebrate my body and it doesn’t matter how old I am to do so. Yes I agree Dianne our youth need other role models otherwise we all look the same in the end – people who get this plastic surgeries for me are all looking the same!
Seeing a woman age naturally, radiating all her grace and wisdom and not afraid that the life she has led that will be totally visible in her face is an incomparable combination of vulnerability and power that shows what the words “timeless beauty” truly mean.
I am also learning to break attachments to people especially one family member in particular where I can see there was quite a thick cord on my part to be recognised and seen by this family member. I feel I have finally cut this cord by healing my own hurts around this relationship, which has created the space to love and accept and appreciate more of me and in turn has supported me to accept, and most of all understand them and to feel where they are at, and to love them just as they are….And that feels beautiful expansive in my body in the knowing that they can no longer affect me if I am accepting myself and accepting all of them.
‘Of course every human must be respected as an equal, but this doesn’t remove the responsibility we have for the choices we make, no matter what age’ – I love the feeling that ‘every human’ must be respected – I know that it has been a great learning curve for me to realise that just because I am older does not mean that I hold the wisdom that is available to us all. I am learning to appreciate and am constantly humbled by what is so obvious and profound in Natalie and Simone Benhayon and Sara Williams who are many years younger than me, but through making loving choices have a wisdom way beyond their years.
“Notwithstanding the, at times, frustrating aspects of an ageing body with its aches, pains and stiffness, I realise there are many great benefits of these increasing physical limitations of ageing – for there are no other limitations! ” This is so refreshing to read Diane. There is so much negativity around ageing, it is totally gorgeous and inspiring to consider that the limitations (other than the physical ones) that we put on ourselves as we get older are mostly self induced. I love your light hearted and playful approach to getting older. Thankyou for sharing.
Thank you Dianne for sharing beautifully your acceptance of becoming an elder. I am an elder too, no denying that fact, as I look in the mirror, but there is a part of me that feels vital and alive, and that part has no age attached to it at all. I love your words ” living from my innermost essence, and seeing and doing life from the prospective of the soul .”
Yes Alexandre, if only we knew what exactly we were doing to our future body. Our body wears the consequences of all our previous choices. Every single one.
So true Sandra, when we tap into the profound wisdom that is within we learn from it ourselves. As the gospel of Thomas states “If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”. Seems that bringing through the wisdom found within is a must.
The elder role model is much needed for many. The wisdom that is felt and is naturally pouring through should not be held back. The ageing is just that – the natural process with time but the quality of what we bring to another comes from lived experiences which are golden moments the next generations can find inspiration from.
It is indeed ageless. If we as elders start to reflect the wisdom lived from inside that has always been there, then youngsters can have a trueful reflection already at an early age; a reflection of ‘everything is already in you. You don’t have to look outside of you.’
‘We are all ageless’, brings an expansion and in the expansion a gentle reminder of who we truly are and where we truly come from.
Beautifully shared Sue. I feel so much grace and harmony in your presence and a stillness and a depth of wisdom that is deeply inspiring to feel.
I like the fact that because you focus less on the way you look, you can be more aware of the inner being, the innermost and develop more and more that connection to your soul, you take advantage of the effect of time and use it to become more and more soulful, and then be an example for younger people to see there is another way to grow older and wise, not dreading the passing of time and the gravity it entails.
So true Julia. There is so much more to us than our outer appearance. Letting go of this gives us the space to develop a connection to a much deeper and soulful part of ourselves,
I agree Vanessa, I feel that perhaps most are too identified by their body. Look at the role models we have with some of the celebrities. They obviously freak out at ageing; we all know this as they go and have extreme procedures done to their faces and their bodies, distorting themselves in strange ways to look young again when most of the time they simply look like someone who has had work done. It is a whole look of its own, the stretched tight skin of an older person trying to look young. What kind of message is that sending our young?
I love what you share here Carolien, the elderly that do make their life about being a part of the community are absolute treasures. I have become involved with my community in the past couple of years and all the people I work with are older than me. The dedication to their commitment is admirable and I love working with them.
One thing that I have noticed in doing this is that the main thing that annoys them is the indifference and lack of commitment that they see in many of today’s youth. Something for all of us to ponder on here, what is going on that so many have no desire to support others. Caught deep instead in looking out for themselves with little or no consideration for those around them. We can all learn a lot from our elders and their outlook on life.
I agree Leigh, we can learn a lot from our elders. My parents were war children and have learned to work hard and work together. Sure there is a lot lacking in their life too, and we can be very critical and dismissive because of that but I am learning to truly appreciate their values and what they did and do bring.
This is so true Carolien, it is easy to criticise another for their choices, but when we open our hearts and truly feel where they are coming from and what they have lived it is much harder to criticise. Recently, certain behaviours from someone else were pushing all of my buttons. It took all of me to not react verbally. On pulling myself up and feeling what was going on for this person, I fully understood the behaviour. I found with this acceptance that I felt love and understanding for this person. I must say that it really was a wonderful experience to have.
I love what you share here Sueq2012. I can feel the ease and grace that you accept yourself with and how this is lived with everyone in your life. Thank you
It’s wonderful to see someone truly claim their beauty, grace and wisdom regardless of their age.
This is so true Vanessa. As a young girl that phrase, ‘respect your elders’ was just something that was expected of young children, to only speak when spoken to and to definately not question what was being said. What innocence and wisdom was being denied? A sure fire way to stop a child from expressing what they truly felt.
Such beauty and grace in the what you write Dianne I love this ‘I wont even die my hair. When/if it ever goes grey it will be just as beautiful, and will be my ‘badge of maturity’
Thank you Dianne I love what you have expressed here, I remember so well as a child who could not hold back saying what I saw and the ‘so called elders’ would say keep that child away from me!. These were the role models around me and I certainly was not inspired,until I realized through Universal Medicine and began letting go of the hurts and deeply understanding myself and others, accepting myself in full and being responsible for the ways in which I live my life. Each and moment is an opportunity to learn. I feeling younger than I ever felt And now that I am 60 I feel that I have become of age so to speak ☺
Love what you share here Yasmin, Now that you have’ become of age’ I am looking forward to hearing more from you, perhaps in a blog of your own…..?
So true Sandra, being an Elder is not determined by age, but rather by a commitment to ‘…living and sharing the truth and wisdom…’ of who you are.
Wow Suzanne – I love what you have shared here! It certainly would seem that we have mistaken youthfullness, physical fitness and an ideal bodyshape for ‘vibrancy and vitality’. How one lives is reflected first and foremost in the light of their eyes, expressing the depth of care, acceptance and connection with themselves that is an absolute joy to behold.
Love this article Dianne and I love that you are embracing being an elder. You are a true role model of what it means to be an elder – letting go of the dominance of outer recognition and coming back to our innermost connection and living in full honouring of ourselves.
Thank you Dianne for this blog where I can feel how fully claimed you are in what you have presented because you are living this way yourself – no theory required…
You make some great points here Carolien. Our elders are not encouraged to be part of the community and continue to contribute. Its a real shame because there is so much grace, wisdom and experience that is going to waste. It’s great that Universal Medicine are bucking this trend by equally valuing people of all ages. I am so inspired by the older students who are still vibrant and active. I no longer have a fear of growing older, because I have been shown how much I have to look forward to.
I agree Debra, I have lost my fear of growing old too as well, as my wish to ‘one day retire” The esoteric community is a beautiful living example of what a true community can be like where all have their role, place and purpose equally so no matter what age or gender.
Absolutely, Suzanne – no external beauty treatment can put that light in someone’s eyes that comes from their connection to themselves, their soul!
I love that Brendan – “real beauty is found deep within each and every one of us”. And that means everyone, all people of all races, sexes, colours and ages. There is not a single being who does not contain a beautiful equal essence of pure love.
Diane, this is an amazing blog….I am in the elder years and I could feel the echo of every word in my body! I love the days when I wear no make-up and have cleansed and applied moisturiser only to treat the dryness of my skin.
I have often felt if we women did just that i.e wore no make-up; we could begin by giving it a go for 1 week? In doing this we would be presenting our true faces to each other and to the world…bringing our focus to the quality of our essence and not how we look on the outside.
I loved your last sentence and I can feel, through your sharing, that you are indeed offering a true role model for the younger generation to aspire to.
Anne McVeigh
Dianne I love your light and down to earth approach that comes with your writings. I feel inspired by your grace and certainly appreciate you as one of our true elders we can call on for wisdom and truth. Thank you for sharing your Elder Energy with all of us.
I love what you say here Lee. I had moment in my life where I could have chosen to take a completely different course, yet felt inside that this was not true for me. Something inside made me ask outright what my Grandfather thought of the choice I was about to make. Up until I asked, he said nothing, the moment I asked, he let loose and said everything that I myself had felt, but was loath to see as being true. Without this truth from him, I know that I would not be the person I am today. True elder role models are an intricate part of our world and are very needed for all of us.
I love the word ‘elder’. I associate it with anyone who inspires me as if they have lived a wisdom I have yet to live. Someone who has already walked the path I am yet to walk. Its like they hold a light shining the way for me to go.
Elizabeth this is a beautiful way to feel about our inspiring elders and a confirmation of how we can offer true support to each other as we age together.
Anne McVeigh
I like what you share here Elizabeth, it is super inspiring to have another light the path for us. It is also really beautiful to then walk this path with them, side by side. Embracing more and more that the light we see in those who have made wise choices before us is exactly the same in us.
And then Elizabeth it is not a matter of age anymore, it is the grace and the wisdom we feel in any human being who has lived what we have not lived yet, beautiful expressed by you as ‘walked the path I am yet to walk’.
I completely agree. This is one of my favorite lines from this blog. It is true that very few older people actually claim the wisdom and power of the elder energy. This then feeds the myth of youth being everything and that we must struggle to hold on to it.
Great point Lee. The struggle to hold on to our youth when we are turning our backs on the power and wisdom that our youth can be supported and nurtured with by claiming our stage in life.
Yes youth is being championed while growing older is something to dread and much time is spent ‘trying to hold back the clock’. It’s quite the set-up, as the truth is when we age we can expand into the sum total of everything we have lived and no matter what we look like, we can embrace the elder wisdom if we so choose to deepen our awareness.
So funny the arrogance of youth. This can run rampant without the support of truly claimed elders living their wisdom.
Yes Lee great for everyone if we have “truly claimed elders living their wisdom” as role models around us but never the less we usually need to learn through our experiences and for me this was and still is a learning that continues to unfold laying to waste every belief and ideal I ever held about, well, almost anything and everything.
“An elder is a role model if they accept themselves for who they truly are, leave behind the harmful choices and irresponsibility that are considered to be the foolishness of the young, and really live their wisdom and grace.” I love this understanding Dianne. Being an elder does not come automatically with age. Like all things, it is a choice. A choice to share your lived wisdom. I am blessed to know elders who have made this choice.
‘he was not invested in me being a certain way, it was like he knew and trusted where he was going, no longer attached to temporal life’. Lucindag, your grand-dad sounded very wise and lovely to be around, and is a gentle reminder for me about having no investment because I still fall into this sometimes…… and I can feel how that then changes my expression….
I agree Helen, the fact of reincarnation brings a whole new dimension – no longer are children just children, they are people who have lived many lives and have many experiences. To me it completely explains how two kids in the same family can grow up to be completely different people, for if we go on genetics and environment, it will be almost identical in both cases, but if we consider reincarnation, it is no surprise that one child is a different person to the other, because of the different lives they have lead and bring to this life.
Matilda I love your analogy with book chapters! After all, isn’t it always said of books that the ending is the most important part? Authors put a lot of effort into how the story’s elements all come together and make sense as it progresses, and into the conclusion that the reader is left with. In life we put a lot of emphasis on beginnings, on newness, on youngness, but actually there is great power in the later development and grand coming together of anything: a book, a story, a tree, an invention, a business, an education, and each human life.
I used to say I will not dye my hair because it just is natural and beautiful to have grey hair. When I was around 50 I had some grey hair and the rest of my hair started to be like pepper and salt as we say in Holland. It felt heavy and it was not reflecting at all what I felt in myself. I was starting to feel more joyful and very lovely, to feel my grace. I trusted my hairdresser when she said we will bring some sparkle in your hair, very natural colours.
And yes you now can see the sparkle in my hair, the sparkle I feel in myself since I am connected to who I am.
Loved your share Annelies, and yes you do sparkle, you sparkle and you shine, clearly something your hairdresser felt too!
My sentiments exactly jane176, on reading this blog, it takes a lot of pressure away as we grow old. What Dianne’s blog brings is acceptance, we may try as we might to resist getting older, which is futile, we are all going to age – far better to accept, embrace with open arms those precious years that can support us to become more soulful as we let go of many attachements we acquired through our youth that held us back…and a great preparation for our next life……
There is such a freedom in accepting the cycles of life and truly embracing what each cycle is offering us and to truly appreciate the ageing process. It sure takes the pressure off and we will all benefit having true role models in every stage of our lives.
Thank you Dianne – this article really smashes the old and new ways that elders have been presented to us in society. I love how you have described someone who is an elder as someone who deeply accepts themselves and lives with the wisdom and grace that they naturally are. I am really enjoying the inspiration of elders truly living in this way.
The phrase ‘respect your elders’ most likely came from a truth of when we had older people in our communities who had wisdom and authority. But the phrase has been bastardised to mean ‘respect anyone older than you’, and there is no truth in that when it is thrown up in response to someone of younger years speaking the truth and the older person perhaps not liking or wanting to hear the truth.
What a blessing lucindag to have had this with your grandfather.
Re-reading your blog Dianne, I reflected on what we see in the entertainment world with ageing music and TV/film personalities – the role models that younger people look to. What I see is the women striving to look like they’re still 25 when they’re 40+ and it sends a message out that you if you don’t, you’re not appealing to listen to or watch. The pressure on these ‘stars’ to look a certain way is massive, and for as long as they succumb to it, nothing will change.
Indeed, what a treasure trove is hidden through the deceit in society that ‘elders’ are of no consequence “Having said that, society goes to quite a lot of effort to keep elders down, feeling lesser, and trying to meet the youthful ideals.” Elders can offer deep wisdom and experience and support others to live a more truthful life. The deceit that ‘youthful ideas’ are some how better, is maintained in society and creates a sort of perpetual waiting game, each generation falls away and allows the younger generation to give it go, be rebellious, try and make sense the world. We all could work more collaboratively, harnessing all of the qualities that each part of of ageing precess hold, knowing that we all have something unique and beautiful that supports the whole.
I recently came across a beautiful photo of two very wrinkled old ladies laughing together and the caption said ” Once we were young and beautiful now we are just beautiful.” Now that says it all.
Well said Sarah, “everyone misses out on the magic of true elders” if people are not able to accept and embrace their own ageing process as the next natural cycle of life.
I loved your article Dianne and the true appreciation you have for coming to live by the inner wisdom that resides within. I also have come to understand despite the physical appearance or age of a person, that inner wisdom is within us all and when that is lived consistently we can then be called an Elder.
Energetic maturity, how wonderfully expressed. I am inspired to develop that in myself and not just for me but for others that may follow in my footsteps.
Two things about your blog really strike me Dianne. One is a feeling of sadness that there are so few Elder role models in the world today who impart to the younger generations the power of love or the wisdom of self-love. The second is that to do so an Elder really needs “to live their wisdom and grace”. Empty words are only ever just empty words.
It makes me think that the responsibility and calibre of an Elder begins well before they are old? If we knew our choices and experiences were not just for us but also for all others would we not be more consciously present, self-loving and loving role models from quite a bit earlier on and thus start develop a higher quality of life for all.
This is a really interesting aspect topic to explore and heal.
When I look at how we generally think about getting older I see a lot of untruths. Since I was very young I have always known that we are designed to become wiser and more detached with age and from that process become a greater source of clarity for others who have not yet worked as much through life’s challenges.
What we have developed in our western society at times borders on contempt for the elderly. Some of my elderly friends report that when they hit around 60 years of age or so they start to become invisible to everyone.
This speaks volumes about how we are imbued to think that getting old is a fading away. But we have been sold a lie. Ageing is a very special time for all human beings. A time for letting go, enjoying who you are on a very deep level, preparing for what comes next and the responsibility of being available for younger generations AND vice versa. We younger generations are designed to keep an eye on them and ensure they pass over with as much brightness and light as possible. In the west at least I feel we are fairly dim when it comes to understanding the life cycle.
The process of accepting myself as I age is ongoing, because I can still look in the mirror critically sometimes, see the lines or the bags under my eyes. But I’m aware of a maturing beauty that is developing, nothing to do with physical features, but more from an understanding of myself, from being comfortable in my own skin. As I become more gentle and honouring of myself, the reflection returns with more grace.
Dianne I just think this is the most beautiful blog and should be shared the world over, we have accepted such a meagre view of old age in the western worlds and you describe that also very well. What strikes me about your sharing of ageing is what an immense healing is being offered and chance to be living in a way that is very powerful and to be respected and embraced “become gentle, tender, graceful and consciously present, and thus do no further harm.” Billboard stuff
Dianne whats lovely now is seeing so many people within the Student Body with a grace, wisdom, strength and steadiness. I now feel that there are people that I can call true elders. There is no need to be told to respect a “true elder”. Very different to when I was a child being told to respect authority regardless of what that authority acted like.
The ‘decline in physical abilities’ has been hard to accept for me, accept that the body does not do anymore all I used to make it do. Now I enjoy being much more gentle and love feeling tender and delicate in my body which I could not feel when I was acting tough and hard.
Yes Dianne I too was taught to respect my elders. When I look back to when I was growing up I cannot think of a single elder that I could look up to. As I begin to approach my 60th I find myself feeling more and more comfortable with just being me despite my body not keeping up with me. As my body ages I find myself loving it more and more.
Absolutely Sarah its the responsibility of the generations.
Totally Helen – energetic maturity: two words, when lived, change everything.
Dianne Trussell this article is essential in our evolution back to true soulful living. To honour ourselves as we grow older and to honour those who are ahead of us. This has snapped me out of the illusion that I have been living in for a long time and that is that it is the youth that has the power and the beauty. I used to cry every birthday when I was in my late teens and early twenties as my youth was seemingly slipping away. Today it is so very different. Its my birthday on Sunday and this year Im truly celebrating my age and all of the wonderful wisdom and learning and grace that comes with the passing of the years.
I also feel that this article has brought to my attention how I view my elders and to not let them become invisible. Choosing instead to see the ageless being that resides within.
Wisdom and grace, certainly to me are attributes of an elder, regardless of the age of the person displaying such qualities.
This is great topic to bring to light and discuss Dianne – thank you. I can remember when I was younger that I believed that I had to make the most of those years because there was not much to look forward to as you got older. This is the message the we are sending our youth instead of the truth; that there is so much joy to experience in every cycle of our lives and each cycle comes with a graceful power of deep sacred wisdom that is available for all to connect to, share and live. ‘Imagine if all the elders expressed their true beauty, wisdom and power for the benefit of humanity? Oh boy, there would be a big shakeup of the status quo! The population would wake up to the lie that many of us have been living… and there are vested interests that would not like that, eg. the plastic surgery and cosmetics industries!’ – well said . Wow, we all would be experiencing far more deeply honoring way of living together. Thank you for claiming the true ageless beauty that you absolutely are. You are indeed ‘a true role model for the younger generation to aspire to.’ – and an inspiration to us all.
Awesome blog Dianne and very timely for me to read it as I am off to visit my almost 90yr old dad tomorrow for 5 days and it always brings up such a lot of ‘stuff’ for me as he very strongly holds onto the ‘respect your elders’ story and a whole lot of other ideals and beliefs which I have a tendency to struggle with. Equally as important and much appreciated, it has certainly exposed some of my ideals and beliefs about ageing also.
“This claiming of my elder years cycle is offered as a true role model for the younger generation to aspire to.”
This has been liberating for me to understand the “elder years cycle” you speak of Dianne Trussell. It has released me from the pressure we have impose on us to drink from the fountain of youth and remain forever young or attempting to appear so.
My relationship with myself now is to embrace the quality of my naturalness and express from there.
Thank you, Dianne. Your writing reminded me of my grandmother. I have fond memories of the Elders in my family, which was my granddad and his wife. Especially my grandmother was graceful, wise, very caring and loving to me. I did not feel she was really honoured by the rest of the family.
I agree gillrandal, ‘respect your elders’ no longer feels true and feels outdated as many older people are clinging onto staying young, and so many are sick and ill and look much older than thier years simply because thier choices have not evolved them; so how can they be a role model for the younger generation……I laughed at; ‘respect the toddlers and babies’ for the sheer contrast but as you share, we do have much to learn from them!
It’s a shame that ‘Respect your elders’ has been so misused – usually to keep kids quiet!
It’s actually a true saying which encourages people to benefit from those who have lived and understood life from more of a detached perspective. The problem is that whilst a lot of people age they don’t actually develop that understanding and detachment.
That is very true Dean, Unfortunately a lot people age and still carry the sense of responsibility and investment on other’s lives because of the belief that that’s the way it should be when in fact the more they can detach the more they can reflect true care and inspiration for others throughout their lived experiences .
And the sad thing is that in most cases, instead of respecting elders, all this did was create a form of tension and quite often fear of elders in children.
Agreed Tamara, I was quite terrified of my grandfather as a child – though later I found out that he a was man with a very big heart but also under a lot of pressure to provide for a big family.
Dianne your words “This claiming of my elder years cycle is offered as a true role model for the younger generation to aspire to” really spoke to me. They are filled with love, beauty, acceptance and humility and an honouring of not only your own cycle of ageing but how it interrelates to the the cycles of younger generations who will walk in your footsteps. I can’t help wondering what humanity would be like if we all realised the importance and assumed full responsibility for all the interrelated cycles between birth, death, the earth and all people living upon as you do.
I agree Dianne. While I believe everyone has elder energy inside of them, your comments about the opportunities to use this time as a way to make a deeper connection with ourselves is something I have noticed also. As I approach my elder years I have been considering how my body has changed and am learning to follow it, rather than pushing it harder to achieve what I want to get done. The resulting aches, pains, stiffness etc will soon tell me if I don’t!! As a result, I am feeling much more tenderness and fragility. I am also conscious of how this might be perceived as valuable role modelling to someone many years younger to demonstrate that old age isn’t necessarily the demon it is painted out to be.
You got me at ‘elder role models that glow with the grace, wisdom, poise and responsibility that can come from age’. A beautiful line that offers a revised aspiration for our later years.
I love this line too Cathy Hackett, and yes let’s highlight it again; ‘elder role models that glow with the grace, wisdom, poise and responsibility that can come from age’.
When we are children we know instinctively who the true elders are for they treat us with respect, and listen to us, and do not try to impose on us, and also they give wise guidance and we feel welcomed in their company. I met a few people like this when I was younger, men and women, and longed for my parents to be like this. I knew the difference, and what I was missing. I appreciate those few meetings I had that enabled me to recognise that life did not have to be as it seemed, there was something more.
Yes these people had an impact far greater than they probably realised. It only took one meeting as a child to feel confirmed forever. To have people like this in the world without holding back their love of humanity is vital for the health and well being of society given the current state in which we find ourselves in.
There is an experiment going on in France, Rachel, where they are addressing the problem of old age loneliness and the lack of accommodation for young people. They have brought in a scheme for students to rent rooms in old single people’s houses. Evidently it is working really well, and in this way young and old come to know and understand each other better, and learn to listen to each other , and a housing problem is solved at the same time. Also, the young are there to keep an eye on the well-being of the old and learn to serve. It came about because so many of the elderly were ill and dying without anyone knowing.
Thank you for bringing that in, Simone, the expectations we have of our parents to be perfect in every way. It is so important to accept them as they are and understand and appreciate them. My parents passed away long ago, but since working with Universal Medicine I have grown to understand and appreciate them for who they were, and the love they did give me. Their difficulty was in relating to their children as they really did not have any sense of their own relationship with themselves, so how could they meet us for who we truly were when they could not feel who they truly were? But, as you say, they did express many little wisdoms that I still remember. It was the all encompassing quality of being of the elders I met that made me long for something else, but, of course, that is what I was longing to recognise in myself.
Beautifully said joanchristinecalder – isn’t it such a blessing to have the awareness that we can actually take responsibility for ourselves and look within. No more searching outside of us, we actually hold the elder within. I love this ‘what I was longing to recognise in myself’ – thank you.
And a gorgeous explosion too Victoria Lister.
A true elder that lives wisdom and offers it to others is something I aspire to being. A lovely inspiration Belinda, and if we expand on this further, when we are in our elder energy and bringing our wise ways to the world, surley is a great preparation for our next life…if you consider the possibility that we are coming back of course.
You talk out of my heart, Matildaclark. I am as well going through this kind of process to learn to appreciate myself and the tenderness in me and my aging body and even if it is aging to feel that the body is holding so much tenderness. Often we experience when the body is aging it looses its flexibility. I experience by being truly tender with myself that the body stays quite soft and flexible.
Me too Annemalett – for the most part at least. I recall as a much younger woman reading interviews with women in their 40s and older in magazines and hearing them say how much more comfortable they felt in their own skins; how they loved shedding the body image issues that had plagued them in younger years. While this wouldn’t be true for all women, I can feel it is for many. Now I’m at that stage too and I’m looking forward to developing more love and appreciation for myself as I age.
That’s so true Belinda Jane, re the choices we make. I remember when I reached 40 knowing that I had to make a decision whether or not to continue living the way I’d been living up until that point – health-wise I knew it wasn’t sustainable. I’m glad I reached that fork in the road and chose to start taking my well-being seriously – it’s made a world of difference to my vibrancy overall. Constantly refining my choices around food, exercise and lifestyle is something I know I’ll need to keep doing as I age.
I’m looking forward to changes in our aged care system. Currently it looks more frightening that anything else, and is not one that honours older people, wherever they are at in terms of their awareness.
That is so true Victoria. Many of the issues that have been raised about substandard care and living conditions of the elderly show a lack of honouring of individuals once they are past the ‘youth’ criteria and perception that they have less worth. This blog and comments are great in exposing how erroneous that is and that there is a different way which truly supports the whole society.
Re ‘respect your elders’ – ” I could appreciate the principle, but was constantly frustrated about having to respect people who were making choices and behaving in self-degrading or abusive ways that did not meet up to my own principles.” You have such a valid point Dianne. Now I am an elder too I feel those younger than myself are just as equal to me, except I have lived longer this life and may have accumulated more wisdom than some in contrast – but also maybe not! ” Out of the mouths of babes….”
I know that my own level of acceptance and appreciation for my body as it ages directly reflects how I view and hold others. I imagine this is tied to old beliefs that you are of more value when you are achieving or producing in the world, rather than valuing the quality that I live my life in.
I have always loved being around elderly women, for some reason they just seemed to make me feel safe. It is with a great honour now that I am approaching my middle years, as I learn to hold that nurturing quality for other women who are in the midst of finding their way.
It seems there has not ever been in Western society a valuing of the elder community. I think of TV ads that show old grannies hip hop dancing and the like. Our community at large has much to learn about wisdom and grace, and it is time we all began that path and looked to those elders who choose to know their wisdom as role models for us all.
Embracing oneself whether as a child, as someone in their middle years or as a sixty-something is needed. Each age group has a responsibility to live fully with grace and acceptance of who their really are; it is delightful to see kids and teenagers particularly living true to themselves, as much as it is seeing the older generation living their wisdom and experiences confidently.
Agreed Susie and Rachael. What exactly is the point of trying to be something we are not, e.g. look as though we are 25 when we are 65… and feed an industry that would so diminish the truth of a woman, the life she has lived, and the depth of beauty she may hold – at any age? I have to say, I’m enjoying my mid-forties far, far more than mid-twenties (they were pretty tough years…) – and more comfortable in my own skin than ever… Enormously attributable to the work and inspiration of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
Why would I try to stretch out my skin, cut and paste it, to hide the real me and seek attention for something I am not? It’s all so ridiculously insane.. to photoshop real women in such a way (whether young or older) lessens us all, until we see through the miasma of it all, that is.
It’s just these qualities that are so deeply felt by others Nicholas. What a ‘double blessing’ to come to a closer relationship with oneself, and then know how beautifully this supports others – often just by ones presence alone.
‘Respect your elders’ makes sense in some ways because you would think that if you have lived a few more years on this planet than others in this life then you may have made a few more errors and learnt from them along the way and maybe might have something to share with others. But respect must be earned as you say and we must always discern whatever information or wisdom we hear from any source, whether it feels true or not. It is clear to me that some ‘elders’ have learnt very little from their years of living and some young people seem wise beyond their years. I guess this leads me to the conclusion, that maybe it is not how many years you have lived but more how committed you have been to learning from them that counts!
Thank you Dianne, What a great article that shines a whole other light on the process of ageing and our responsibility to honour and accept ourselves and body and the way this can support the younger generations. I can feel your wisdom and grace in all that has been shared. Beautiful!
I love the way you have expressed, all that you have said here, about elder energy. Exposing the illusion and what is not true, about being an elder. The more elders that are true to themselves…….. will be true role models, for the younger generations to aspire to. Who have alot of wisdom to share with the world.
I love the way you have expressed, all that you have said here, about elder energy. Exposing the illusion and what is not true, about being an elder. The more elders that are true to themselves…….. will be true role models, for the younger generations to aspire to. Who have so much wisdom to share with the world.
This is a great blog and something that needs to be talked about much more. Our older people in society almost become invisible which is a reflection of how we want to deny getting older. As you said Dianne – our society is one of Youth Culture and our society looses out. there are cultures where elders are respected, but are they respected for their age or what they bring their wisdom of lived experiences?
What we miss out on is the wisdom of the lived experiences that can be shared so the younger generations could have roles models and evolve and learn there are other ways to develop as young adults to mature adults in our society. Where instead of repeating the same old patterns, new ways come can start to spring up….to be an elder is not just about ‘getting old’ and a demanded respect without any responsibility, but about becoming the willingness to not only see oneself as a responsible person, knowing that we have a responsibility in service to the younger generations as role models…there is so much richness and wisdom tucked away and such treasures lost forever in our invisibleness!!!!
These treasures if shared – can actually lead society into a new direction of evolution rather than repetitive problems we go around and around in our world….but we can be a source of INSPIRATION, ENCOURAGEMENT, STRENGTH, AND EVEN A REAL GOOD LAUGH AT LIFE!
There is something so important here about being open to the lived wisdom and experience of others in the breaking of the many cycles of ill patterns and behaviour. If we support, connect to and respect our elderly we would be able build on what they had learnt rather than seemingly always started at the beginning again. We do not have to endlessly repeat mistakes.
Diane I have loved and really enjoyed reading your article on ageing – and ageing gracefully. I love how you have talked about the disregarding way that both young and older women are portrayed in the media and how the physical appearance is pushed with the cosmetics, clothes and appearance all driven with the ideal to stay young or look young and sexy. True sexiness is not something you get from what you wear or how you pose, it comes from within a woman, a woman who knows herself and accepts and celebrates and adores herself, regardless of age. I have seen many older women who are far more sexy than younger women dressed in what our society deems as sexy clothes – and this comes from the way they are and not from what they wear.
What you have presented Diane is a graceful acceptance of the ageing process and a way to realise that power of the elder that can be brought through with the quality that we hold – many elderly in society fear the ageing process as they fear the loss of being an active and useful member of society and since our society has such a large focus on what we DO rather than who we ARE, then naturally the elderly can feel threatened and fearful of not ‘stepping up to the mark’ or performing physically with an ageing body. But this totally discounts the enormity of the being that they are capable of bringing, that we are ALL capable of bringing and living.
Great blog Diane! When you asked how we would be if all the cosmetic youth props were taken away – I felt quite OK with it… which I would never have been able to say once upon a time – I used to wear make up to bed because I didn’t ever want to be seen without it!
I could also feel myself surrendering – and feeling almost relieved! – that the games we play to look beautiful wouldn’t exist and we could all just be ourselves naturally.
While I don’t necessarily consider myself as an “elder” in my mid-forties I realise there are things in life that through experience and hindsight I have learned from and as such have a lived wisdom that can be offered to others who irrespective of their age can benefit from my life lessons. It is this lived wisdom that brings a quality of being an elder and is really not related to our age but our ability to ‘master’ life and out of willingness to share what we have learned so that others can benefit form our mistakes and triumphs and insights.
Yes, one of those so familiar phrases that have some truth in them, but not the whole. ‘Respect your elders’ segregates and reduces; ‘Respect yourself and all others’ lays a foundation and is inclusive.
I just love getting older – there are so many things to explore about my body and who I am – time to get to truly know myself. To grow old gracefully as an ageing woman is to embrace all those different aspects of myself and to have the confidence to be who I am more fully. It’s such fun.
That’s lovely Debra – I have always found that each decade brings us different and new opportunities that when explored only enrich us. However, it has only been since exploring the work of Universal Medicine that everything has fully come together and made such glorious common sense.
So true Kathleen – and in this way we claim our true wisdom as we are always open to new opportunities and ways that we can change and unfold.
I have to be honest though, I know this life is not the be all and end all, but I do feel the years slip by faster year by year and there’s a part of me dreading all the things that come with old age – loss of bodily functions and illnesses. Having said that, I know that as I get older I will only be building more love and my life will be enriched by the only wealth that I take to the grave – the love in my heart, the love that will twinkle from my eyes as I become a grey haired old dude, waving my walking stick at youngsters. It’s much more than a consolation for losing one’s athleticism. It’s a prize for a life lived true to my soul, humanity and God.
Beautiful sharing Alison thank you. I love what you share in terms of not needing your body to be as athletic in your older years, which gives you the opportunity to slow down appreciate and deeply nurture yourself. What a beautiful rythmn and quality to live with.
That part about dreading the onset of illnesses and frailties is a good one Jinya and something we all have to come to terms with sooner or later. A couple of years ago I was shocked to discover I had a chronic condition that will most likely accompany me for the rest of my life. Brushing up against one’s vulnerabilities is very humbling and it gave me a new understanding of what life is like for people with persistent / significant / pervasive health issues – and not just our older people.
Very inspiring article Dianne. I feel that many of the fears associated with ageing and the push to stay young and youthful, are based on the fear and denial of death. When one embraces the truth of reincarnation, these fears are easily disapated and the ageing process more easily accepted as part of the cycle.
Yes Paul, ageing process is like nature, everything starts to age before it dies…there is an end, and this is confronting…unless we bring an acceptance of this process and connect and appreciate the depth of lived experience and the wisdom this holds and how it can be shared, now imagine leaving that behind….and then as we reincarnate back into the future, we come back to what is left behind!
Hi Dianne, I find your words truly inspiring ‘Imagine if all the elders expressed their true beauty, wisdom and power for the benefit of humanity?’ We grow older and become invisible to much of society, and yet we have so much to offer. Your words are a call to action for us elders to stand up and be seen – to walk with grace so that all may feel our beauty, wisdom and power.
So True Carmen…it is a call to stand up and be seen as the true elder that society needs.
Let’s celebrate and claim each stage of life, irrespective of age. Often when not content with who we are and our stage of life we miss the joy that surrounds us. A person I was with recently shared her photo album with me and said with regret: ‘I can’t turn back the clock, can I?’ Unable to accept with grace the age she has reached (83) or feel her inner beauty she was left with sadness. Each day I reflect back the true beauty she is in the way I speak to her, prepare her meals, support and nurture her.
With the age of people wanting and having plastic surgery becoming younger and younger your blog brings such an important message … the responsibility we have to ourselves and humanity in accepting, embracing and nurturing the true beauty elders are, Thank you Dianne.
Yes, as we can accept our inner beauty, a beauty of wisdom that we have lived and the joy of this time in our lives where there is a greater understanding, our dreams have dissolved, some of us left in regret and other in a sense of achievement BUT its a time in our lives where we come into a new phase and that we need to allow ourselves to open up to and see what is there….a treasure of love, our true beauty!
I agree Karoline and to add to that ” treasure of love, our true beauty” is the endless wisdom accumulated from years of learning ‘what not to do’ by all the mistakes we have made in our lived life to date.
I agree Gill, at the moment old age is seen as something to endure, which has no value to society and is dreaded, but we now have people living in a way which throws all of that out of the window and as I see it they have a huge amount to offer the younger generation.
Lovely comment Victoria. It seems that where there is no true growth, there is an absence of trust and the desire to hold onto to life in some way, to what feels familiar. Yet, the elder within us is what is truly familiar – and what a blessing to rediscover this and to celebrate it – as you say.
Absolutely Richard. Reading your words, I can’t help but feel just how little we’ve truly celebrated ourselves and others as our wisdom in life deepens, and also, how little we’ve respected and cherished those of the generations who have come before, who often had to walk through life in much harder shoes than I have ever known…
If we find ourselves discovering the elder within us, the solidity, observance, and depth of love that we hold in this – boy do we need to cherish and celebrate this, most of all via our expression.,, that generations to come may feel once again the true support of elders in their communities. So much to look forward to… (And by the way, I’ll definitely be ‘rockin it’ when I’m 80 – there are a few ‘rules’ to bust as well 😉 )
It is beautiful to see another person simply being themselves irrespective of age. There is an ease about them that emanates a confidence and a innate knowing that they are so much more than just a body.
There seems to be a shame in getting older, mainly because most of it is based around looks and there seems to be so much pressure on women now to look younger, physically toned etc. Worth is measured on outer appearance, not from the deep wisdom that elder women and men can bring through their lived life and their experiences – something to be respected and treasured and not discarded like a pair of old shoes.
“Many of our elders have allowed themselves to be degraded and disregarded by the culture of youth worship, to the great detriment of society.” This is a brilliant observation Diane and it’s so true, so many older people are ashamed of their ageing bodies and this is so not where the focus could be. I often find the company of older people very calming and unimposing and I love how they reflect on so much of their lives without being in the angst of it, just the learning and wider perspective. So many of us could do with this wisdom on tap, especially the young who are under just as many pressures to look and be a certain way.
There seems to be an unspoken ideal that we all aim towards. As a child I wanted to grow up to be a certain age where I thought I could be more me in the world then once at that age I realized that I still wasn’t really giving myself permission to be me even though I was free to make choices of my own. Most of these, however, were not loving and they eventually declared themselves in the wrinkles in my face and by my body drying up. Then society sees us as ‘past it’ – past what?? …so we judge ourselves and try to look younger, but seldom are we accepting of ourselves just as we are.
By starting to accept ourselves we also accept others for who they are, not for how they look or what they do and this inspires us all to look within and not be governed by the outer image which drives us relentlessly towards an unattainable goal.
I met an older women at a car boot market over the weekend. She was dressed conservatively, a bit rounded and had short hair. I’ve often used the expression ‘eye smiler’ to describe people who have a glint of wisdom, cheekiness and joy in their eyes; she certainly did and I’m drawn to her stall for this reason.
It seems ridiculous for the elder generations to consider themselves not worthy unless they hang-on to their looks or redeeming features. What about being what you’ve lived, sharing your stories and wisdom for fun (and with those who may learn from them) and ‘eye smiling’ at the younger generation?
Diane – a very deeply felt thank you for opening up the appreciation and honoring of our true essence and worth as Elders now and in waiting. There is so much you have shared here and I look forward to re-reading often. All you have shared is very true and dear to my heart and soul.
Beautiful the distinction you bring to the fore, Elizabeth. Elders are great reflections and gorgeous to be around, especially if they haven accepted and embraced their aging and wisdom.
What an incredible piece of writing. You bring to light the awful nature of people trying to ‘look’ like something that are just not. Accepting oneself in a world full of images promoting a ‘perfect’ or ideal way of being and looking certainly makes it hard to accept ones own innate individual beauty but when that is down, and especially for elders within the community, a maturity and deep wisdom shines like nothing else I’v seen.
The magnificant quality of a elder women or man when they have accepted themselves is the most beautiful quality to be around. This should be nurtured and cherished not denigraded and older people dismissed for being old!
Dianne, if being an elder model was readily seen by younger people as you have truly described then much of our self doubt and insecurities about ourselves would fall away as we would have people around us showing us exactly who we are and how to be in the world. We would innately know that we are this too.
This blog Dianne did make me ponder on how I myself look at my ageing body and I became aware that I was in denial of my ageing, I did not truly accept my ageing looks. I had to become younger because ageing was not a pleasant perspective.Nominating this idea and the denying of becoming and even being an elder woman feels so much lighter and it is the beginning of embracing my wisdom and beautiful woman I am.
That’s incredible Annelies. Over the past week I have been doing work experience in a hospital and there are many elderly patients in the wards. What I’ve noticed is the huge difference between those who are fighting their ageing and those who are very still and accept the fact they are nearing the end of their lives. The latter are much more joyful, and the atmosphere of sadness is lessened around them.
That’s awesome to hear Susie. It gives me an understanding of what to aim for – then and now: Acceptance with a capital A.
Very powerful Annelies. We can put so much energy into denying what is gong on for us with ageing being one example. Living in a bubble that we think we can escape into. But this puts us in so much tension as we are swimming against the flow of life. So much lighter to embrace and live where we are at in the here and now. Thank you for sharing.
I too have considered whether I’m ‘trying’ to look younger and at times I would say yes. But what I’m also realising is that ageing doesn’t mean we become frumps. I love wearing clothes that I feel and look great in, I love wearing make-up and wearing my hair a certain way and if that makes me look younger, then so be it. But now I’m more aware, I know it’s not about intentionally ‘trying to look younger’ but rather to express the beauty I feel inside on the outside.
How beautiful when women like yourself claim their true elder energy and role in society. Our elders would once again become role models, the wise to turn to and a great support to the next generations.
Yes I agree Carolien, we need more true elder role models as they confirm to us the wisdom and grace that is so precious to embrace and express in the world, no matter what age we are.
Beautiful Jinya…I love this ‘youth is not it, we are timeless and eternal by living the truth of who we are’.
Just imagine as you say Dianne … “Imagine if all the elders expressed their true beauty, wisdom and power for the benefit of humanity?” – this would send a different message to younger people, who would not only see that ageing is nothing to fear or try to avoid by changing the outer appearance, but it would also create a really solid foundation for generations following. This would be super power-full.
Yes Sandra, this would support the young to not fear getting older, and instead embrace every wrinkle as a sign of lived wisdom. I am struck by the fact that the elders of our society are not deeply honoured and treasured. But then is it possible that through our lives we haven’t deeply honoured and treasured ourselves so that towards the end of our lives this is reflected back to us by the way we are treated??
That makes so much sense Rachel and I am experiencing that myself, the more I honour and treasure myself, the more this is reflected back to me. It is almost like unless I treasure myself I am blind to it whenever someone offers it and I outright reject it.
I agree Sandra, having vibrant, strong, wise elders in our communities will make a big difference to the younger generation. Without them our society is just not whole.
It’s true Sandra, elders expressing their true beauty wisdom and power would send a different message to young people, and also to those who are feeling the pinch from society about getting older. I love to see the response from women in my shop when they are bemoaning being old when I propose how wise and stunning they are as an elder – there is sometimes apparent disbelief – but in their eyes you know it’s ignited in them the truth of who they are and what they offer humanity at this stage of their lives. Gorgeous.
I have had the honour of having many graceful, beautiful, sexy (and when I say sexy I do not see sexy, I never see sexy as a sexual trait) and powerful women in my life. I used to be scared about getting older now I can’t wait. It feels as though it is time for a woman to truly claim herself and from what I am experiencing this offers those coming up behind her the opportunity to know what getting older is truly about. I ponder to on how I can set myself up to be all I can be when I get older and this brings the desire to choose a responsible way of living now so I have that much more to share. Rather than taking after our elder role models we can keep expanding and evolving all they have shared.
Hi Toni, yes it is up to ourselves to really appreciate the time of ageing. As you I have beautiful elder men and women around me who inspire me to embrace my own aging and what I have to offer through my lived experiences. Men and women who embrace this period of life start to look even younger and more alive though they may be more wrinkles and other aging signs. A very sexy occurence actually. All comes from inside out.
Yes I too was very scared of aging but with the elder role models around me I can look forward to something very beautiful should I embrace and express the beauty I hold within and let it shine.
I love how you say you can’t wait to be older, I can already sense the way in which you are accepting the future so readily. This is a far cry from the vast majority of elderly people I know who are in angst and regret about their older years. Any wisdom they have gained is rarely seen for what it is and may be obscured by angst. I really welcome the return of the appreciation for the wisdom of the elders.
That’s true Rebecca, if we embrace and accept the changes it is enjoyable. I know the more times I traverse around the sun, the more I learn about myself, others and the true reality of life which is ever and increasingly amazing and beautiful. To me ageing is not really about my ageing body and skin, it is about the new opportunities for deepening my sense of joy, love in relationships, connection to all around me and living it all more and more in every step.
Nick you are true role model of an elder, your tenderness, understanding and love is very inspiring for all, thank you.
Beautiful Jinya, this is very profound, thank you!
Yes I agree Michael, the inspiration would be huge, as Dianne said ‘Imagine if all the elders expressed their true beauty, wisdom & power for the benefit of humanity’. It was through meeting Serge Benhayon and attending the inspiring presentations of the Ageless Wisdom in my 50’s, that now in my early 60’s, I am able to live my life in a totally different way to before. I am starting to reclaim my true beauty, wisdom and power, which has much more purpose.How amazing is that… Thank you Dianne for writing your inspiring article which concerns everyone, as after all we are all growing older each day & every day. How great that we have many new elder role models like yourself living a new different way to be in our later years.
Very true Sue it is wonderful to have more elder role models. I know quite a few myself and I absolutely cherish what they reflect to me and what I can learn from them. And not only that, they all look so sexy, beautiful and gorgeous!
Being a student of Universal Medicine has given me role models of every age. From the vitality of youth to the grace of the elder I am constantly shown that old age doesn’t have to be a limiting feature in my life. I can look at the youth, and reflect how different mine would have been had I been fully aware of how I live now then. And I can look at the elder, be one of them, and celebrate our amazing grace.
And by this belief being something we fall for- are we not setting absolutely everyone up to feel less in their later years of life?
It is far truer to be all we are for all of our life – gracefully so.
Wow Dianne, absolute wisdom! You have expressed here as the true elder you describe, in the grace and with the wisdom of sharing your experience of life to support those seeking to deepen their own understanding of life and the art of living.
I love the way you go beyond the obvious here and really dig around under the surface of commonly held understandings of this topic.
Totally agree Kate, and that’s what I love about a lot of the blogs on this site – they ‘dig around under the surface of commonly held understandings of the topic’ and provide a totally different point of view on life.
So true Kate….All these blogs are awesome, as they do present, as you said, a totally different point of view on life….Expressing outside of the box.
I agree, it’s going beyond the obvious or surface conversation that is so lovely and revealing. It’s this process of discussion and asking an ever increasing quality of question that leads somewhere and or provokes the answer.
I love these words.
‘every human must be respected as an equal, but this doesn’t remove the responsibility we have for the choices we make, no matter what age.’
If everyone just lived this then the world would be a completely different place.
I agree that the world would be very different if we each took responsibility for our own choice, if respect was provided equally and not based on how well we perform for others and that the role of the true elder was embraced but those stepping into it and those how can learn from it.
Johanna I was struck reading this line this morning as it shows how if humanity as a whole choose to take one step forward with personal responsibility the majority of the worlds problems would be truly healed. There is nothing rocket science here and it is something that regardless of finance or location can be claimed and lived by all.
That is key: the responsibility we have for the choices we make, no matter what age. Now interesting enough while our body is aging, the choices we have made leave an imprint in our bodies. I recently had a party where a lot of people were there who I hadn’t seen for ages, even decades. I could instantly see and feel just by connecting to their bodies what choices they had made, whether they were loving or not. Therefore, for me choices are the key to growing old gracefully – or not.
Absolutely agree Johanna. This is true equality for all as we are all asked to be equally responsible and respectful. Crazy that in society today as you get older the responsibility seems to go because this is never going to allow for true equality!
Thank you Dianne for sharing your lovely blog, to claim the essence of who we are and to live not held back by concepts of what we should be is to live in a wondrous freedom of being who we are no matter what age and with that a vitality of life that is ageless.
You’re absolutely right Dianne, unless we embrace our beautiful, graceful, natural aging blossoming we are saying to the next generation “I am worth nothing as an older person” – what could be further from the truth!?! When women start to reflect this grace and wisdom as they move through menopause our young women would have to begin to change the way they perceive age, image and self worth.
wow that is so beautiful Elizabeth, ‘I am enjoying becoming the kind of Elder that I always wanted in my life as a young person.’ This is such a gorgeous service to humanity, to be this elder role model, this blog and these comments are changing how i feel about getting older and what we have to offer as elders.
Resisting the natural aging process is truly about resisting becoming more physicaly fragile and less in control. It asks us to surrender and allow a deeper understanding of ourselves and life, it asks us to be honest about the way we have been living our life, it asks us to choose truth, love and a deep honouring of the delicate beings we truly are.
Thank you Diane for this beautiful sharing, I have not been resisting getting older but when reading your blog I can feel that in a few years when my body will show more signs of aging, I probably will. Today I make a choice to support myself with everything that comes up for me with aging and to enjoy the qualities, wisdom and service that comes with being a mature and elderly woman.
The article exposes the fear of aging within myself. I never have felt the fear of aging in me as I feel still very young but this article brings up deep buried fears of being worthless when old. This is something to heal within myself. Thank you, Dianne.
Well said Rebecca.. Ageing is inevitable so we may as well embrace it!
Yeah it is ridiculous to have that pressure on women ageing.. It’s beautiful there are so many women commenting here in support of what Dianne has written.
Totally agree with that Rachel, I can relate and Bernard what a great little quote, thank you
Jinya… That was so beautifully said.. I absolutely agree with you, thank you.
I like that saying too.. Thanks for sharing. It reminds me to embrace the age I am and not think I have to wait to a certain age before I can do or express certain things, but I can be my age and be all of me.
Absolutely Stephen.. It’s the elders that are living their truth and wisdom that express their love and don’t cap themselves with age that I am forever admiring and of course would not offer anything less than respect.. For how could you not respect this kind of elder?
I can imagine how limited you would feel if you didn’t accept that you were ageing… Like wow.. It must feel so freeing to not have that limit on yourself now
There is no greater beauty than the soul-full light that emanates from the eyes of those who have connected to their innermost essence and therein allow themselves to age with nature grace and ever deepening connection to their divine origins.
Ageing is a word that most of society fear. I feel one of the main reasons for this is because we still want to live recklessly and free of responsibilities but as our bodies age we physically can’t live this way anymore, (as much as we would like). Age is forcing us at times to live in accordance with who we are.
Tony, you are bang on the truth here. How often is it only through the occurrence of illness or disease, or the realities of ageing that we are forced, in effect, to truly take stock of how we are and have been living?
And can we actually welcome such ‘calls to account’ for all that they reveal to us (however challenging to our habits and ways)? Are we willing to respond? Or rather, deny the part we ourselves can play in our own health and wellbeing, at whatever point in life we may find ourselves.
The depth of awareness I have gained on such matters from being a student of Universal Medicine is something I cherish beyond measure, for the ‘living recklessly’ as you describe has never stood me in good stead, and it never offered me a true foundation of support from which to love, cherish, know and express all that I am – which is true ‘living’ in my books.
Dianne this is a great topic of discussion and very inspiring for me to continue my journey of claiming more of me and being able to express from my essence.
It has been my observation that a younger person can embody elder energy if they have lived truth consistently and thereby offer this reflection to others by virtue of the their living way. Hence, ‘elder’ is somewhat of a misnomer as it describes the quality of life lived (wisdom) that is able to be imparted to another and not the number of years that have been endured in a life not lived in truth.
Well said Leanne!
Well said Liane, ‘elder’ is a quality that can be expressed by anyone, young and old, if they have chosen to take complete responsibility for their lives, choices and actions. It certainly is not an automatic by-product of survival. The two expressions have a very different feel and it is very natural to respect the elder energy expressed by those who have chosen truth and love in their lives.
I’ve observed this too Liane. It is the consistent lived wisdom of a person at any age.
I totally agree Liane, it is not necessarily the older generations that have wisdom to share and benefit others, we can all connect to the truth and help each other.
I’ve seen people at a young age live with a wisdom seemingly beyond their years, and conversely, people who act immature and irresponsible in their adult years. This shows that wisdom is something known and lived and doesn’t come with the number of years lived.
Thankyou Dianne for choosing to claim the true essence of what it is to be an elder; ‘they accept themselves for who they truly are, leave behind the harmful choices and irresponsibility that are considered to be the foolishness of the young, and really live their wisdom and grace.’ For without this reflection of such truth lived, the younger generations have only a lie to look to and base their future moves upon.
This is a hugely important blog Dianne for a start being forced to respect your elders when some don’t do anything to earn that respect is nonsense, this happened to me a lot when I was young and I got clipped round the ear on many occasions for saying how it was instead of conforming to this so called respect. Why is it that people so desperately try to cling onto their youth when growing old gracefully is far more beautiful.
Isn’t strange that when a child doesn’t respect an elder because they can clearly see that the actions are not worth respecting that the child is punished for it rather than the elder being pulled up for their behaviour? Being respected is dependent upon a person’s choices and actions not their age. I know many young people who I have a great respect for, because they are making some astoundingly wise choices in their young lives. I too am being inspired by the elders in my life who are truly embracing their grace and wisdom and living it to the full. Both age groups are breaking the mould in terms of what it means to be young or old, by living what is real and what is called for – Love.
“Being respected is dependent upon a person’s choices and actions not their age.” – absolutely, Rowena! Being an elder does not mean for a moment any kind of superiority over others of any age. No matter how old we are we are always students of life, there is always more to learn, to wake up to, to let go of, to claim, to expand into, and further to go with awareness and understanding. I learn from younger people every day (babies, my friends in primary school, teenagers, young adults) and have great respect for them and what they bring. Some of the limitations we ‘oldies’ grew up with are not issues for our youth so they have less blocks and a clearer understanding of some of the things that we struggle with. Conversely, they have issues now that we did not have, so we can give them an unfettered perspective on those. Put us all together and you expand our wisdom of life immensely!
Yeah great point Kevin, I also remember people that were older then me would say respect your elders but they would say it harshly and in a way that made me feel like I am less and they have the upper hand.. It actually made me want to be older… Older then everyone so that I would get my turn of being respected but now I don’t feel like this, we are all on a journey, we are all different ages and we have many things to learn individually with each year we live. I also know I can respect myself so I don’t feel like respect is lacking in my life.
Love this Ariel, and a great point you raise when you say there is often a put down and ‘lesser than’ tied up in the harsh ‘respect your elders’ chant. Our young are often wiser, as they have not so far left who they are, but no age group is to be given our power away to blindly or ‘just because’ – everyone deserves respect, regardless of the choices they make, but those choices are to be openly discerned always, again, no matter the age, but just felt and seen, not judged.
The words ‘do as I say not as I do’ come to mind as I read your comment Kev. To me a true elder is someone who walks their talk and lives with integrity. Then respect is naturally given and force is unnecessary.
Awesome comments here everyone – so much wisdom pouring forth! I used to dread getting older and also feared death like crazy – I wanted to live in this body, to stay physically strong and vital. That was before I understood about the soul, and our greater path and work than just this little physical life. My love of life had one good consequence though: I was not drawn to ‘trash myself’ with drugs and dangerous behaviours, but ‘looked before I leaped’ and often did not ‘leap’ at all if I felt something wasn’t going to be good for me or might harm others. This was in my teens and twenties in the flower power era of the late 60s and 70s and I didn’t mind being considered ‘square’ if it meant being safe and healthy! At the same time I had friends who were terrified of reaching the age of 30, and I had to talk them out of depression, giving up and suicidal thoughts. Once I got to 30 myself, I felt my power increasing and it was a big expansion and the dawning of a new awareness. Wow – this was great! This is not to say there weren’t plenty of heavy challenges and ‘bad times’ throughout my life, but they were in the circumstances of temporal life and emotions, not my deeper, essential inner life. Then I reached 40 and it was like: double wow! How much more awesome can it get? I then met Serge Benhayon and my learning about life accelerated both in terms of the physical and of the innermost. In this new awareness I reached 50 and it was like: OMG, if this is what 50 is like I can barely imagine how utterly amazing it must be to be 60 or 70 or 80!!! During all these wow’s as I got older, I was barely aware that there was a gentle progression of letting go attachment to physical body life and fear of death, and a growth of the awareness of how much more there is to a human, to myself, that can’t be summed up by the way the body looks and performs, or by wealth or achievement or any other worldly measure. I was seeing, understanding and appreciating everything, even the most subtle nuances of myself and people and situations in an exponential way that I felt had no limit. I now know for sure that indeed it has no limit, and there is immense lightness and joy in feeling the magnitude of the future coming to me, to all of us!
Wow Heather you make me want to be 50! As do a lot of other students of Universal Medicine in a decade above mine, 50, 60 ,70 80; they all look like they are having the time of their lives! Embracing life makes for an excellent ageing antidote.
I agree Rowena, Dianne has totally lifted the lid here. You are both exposing that you don’t only feel vital, fit and beautiful if you are youthful and ‘look’ youthful, you are both absolutely glowing and that is only growing!
Well said Heather… It’s up to us if we are going to make limits for ourselves. It’s lovely to read this from you as I am 18 and knowing I have many years ahead of embracing each year rather than dreading it.
Beautiful Ariel. How wonderful to have this level of wisdom at such a tender age, and to know that with each passing year your love will deepen, offering a true and gorgeous reflection to others.
How inspiring Jonathon, it seems your have totally changed the way you are in your life. I love how you describe it as a journey and not something to dread. Thank you for your comment.
I totally agree with what you have said Annie, I love how this is being described as a wonderful process… Life continues… You do not have to be thrown to the side if you are ageing, you are growing with more depth and beauty.
Wow Dianne, reading about your appreciation of your potential in life is totally inspiring. It asks why do we let aging put us into a box of ways that are being considered normal when we can live extraordinary ordinary lives.
It sure does change the way we view getting older! Far from the old aged decrepid person needing all sorts of medical intervention simply to stay alive. Having role models shows people it is possible to live a truly loving life right to your last breath, no need to fear old age or dying anymore!
Getting old and become feeble is a choice we make. I have seen so many variations in the ageing process and it is always related to the approach to life we have. If we accept we are going to be weak then that is what we will become. What I like about the ageless wisdom teachings is that everything is about engaging in life which makes the decline of our strength that much less inevitable. I also feel this is strongly related to our awareness which is enhanced when we take in all that is going on around us and choose not to disengage.
Dianne, this is super inspiring to embrace getting older as a means of stepping into more wisdom, truth and love.
I have had all these fears you speak about Diane and I still have many of them. To hear you speak about the joy of ageing is already a sign of an elder passing on wisdom to others who need it.
Dianne, if I have said it before I will say it again, you are a truly inspirational role model in so many ways. I love the way you see the world and life, a perspective that aspires to hold all as equals in love at whatever their state of evolution. You do not live by ideals and beliefs of anyone outside yourself but only by what you feel is true. I love the way you are just YOU regardless of how the world tells you you should be. You have an eternal youthfulness about you which I know will remain as it comes from your essence. Thank you for shining your light and showing the way.
A big wow Dianne for lifting the lid here. And rowenakstewart, I so relate to what you’ve said here. I’ve just this year turned 50 and if I had to have a t-shirt printed, it would say ‘yep, amazing at 50…lookout 60!!!!
Having met you several times Jonathan, and one of those was recently, I can say for a man of 64 years, you look incredibly healthy and fit, and your way about you is ageless. That is so very inspiring in a world where this is not the norm.
Beautiful Dianne, this could be another blog!
WoW Diane! Let’s talk about the elder years, no one does and if they do it’s often laced with fear: physical and mental decline. With your connection to soul you’re still celebrating and we feel your joy. I fully breathed life, all of it, when I turned 60 and yes it is also an amazing WoW for me too. I relate very much to when you said this: ‘I was seeing, understanding and appreciating everything, even the most subtle nuances of myself and people and situations in an exponential way that I felt had no limit’. There are no limits!
True Doug, gorgeous summary.
This is glorious Dianne. Like you, when I was a young man I feared getting older. The thought of being 51 was dreadful! Yet, being 51 is in fact wonderful and life has a true purpose I wasn’t consciously aware of when I was in my teens and early twenties. The saying ‘growing old gracefully’ has real meaning now and I know is something we can all choose.
Dianne, thank you for your sharing. Becoming older offers us to collect experiences and learn from them instead of ingraining what is not true or is not loving in our lives.
Agree Rebecca what a beautiful example your mother inspires in you towards eradicating issues of insecurity or lack of self-worth/value due to increasing age or wrinkles, but instead instilling complete power and grace through the lived wisdom of herself and the soul.
It is pretty awesome – and more so she inspires my friends as well, who look to her as their own mother figure and see the grace and wisdom she is and adore her for it.
Thanks heaps Dianne for this inspirational blog
I love how you have expressed here;
“I am slowly and gradually switching the focus from how I look and what feats I can perform to living more and more gracefully, wisely and, in fact, soulfully. I am learning to break attachments to people and material things, to let go of ideals and beliefs, learning acceptance, understanding, and patience with myself and others”.
Thank you Dianne this is such an awesome blog for someone like myself as I come into my elder years. I now am looking forward to this, you have really inspired me to give myself permission to accept more resposibitlily and act with this wisdom and allow this elder to unfold and develop naturally.
I love your blog Diane, It simply draws a line in the sand, a defining article about the truth of aging, and the exquisite beauty of acceptance and elder energy. In particular, your words ..” I do whatever I can to naturally support my body with nourishment and nurturing so it can be as well as it can and the inner wellbeing can show on the outside as my natural beauty” provided a stop and re-read a few times as it offers nurturing and nourishment of self as two ways of ‘where and how to start’. Nourishment and nurturing of self are certainly two loving ingredients of self care.
What a beaut imagining – “Imagine if all the elders expressed their true beauty, wisdom and power for the benefit of humanity”. Oh that would be so beautiful, and I am grateful that you and other elders are starting to lead the way with this. Thank you.
Thank you for your wise words Dianne. And I love your description of how you have chosen to live “morph from a physical being living under the control of the chaos of the world to living from my innermost essence, seeing and doing life from the perspective of the soul” What a great role model you are of aging gracefully, reflecting lived wisdom and blessing the world with the Elder energy.
I was just in a group meeting where there was deep wisdom shared by the ‘Elders’ in the group. I could feel their years of lived experience in what they were sharing and I was feeling a lot of gratitude for what they have to offer. In no way do I view these people as elderly, not one bit because they are fit in their body and mind and young at heart, but I am coming to deeply appreciate what the ‘Elder’ energy is and learn from those around me.
Such grace and wisdom delivered here Dianne, what you share is so poignant to all of us, young and old, and the consciousness of “youth worship” will inevitably loosen its grip when older people live their truth. Go for it-
Dianne thank you for sharing your elder wisdom with us. You make such a powerful point about the damaging cycle we perpetuate when we hold all women to the same idealised standard of beauty which is of course associated with youth. As a not quite there elder, I am constantly inspired by the ever evolving group of elder women within the student body of Universal Medicine who are wise, joyful, sexy, playful, beautiful, and all round AMAZING.
Having role models around me is such an important part of my life. I have role models that are both older and younger so even this breaks down the idea that role models need to be older than we are. How inspiring is it when a young person has made the choices that mean they are a role model to the older generations.
I love what you write here Vicky! I too feel very blessed that I have true role models – young and old – in my life. They are my inspiration to keep learning and evolving.
I feel the majority of people in our society have forgotten that we live in cycles – we’re born and we die, and our physical bodies change constantly throughout the cycle – nature is a perfect reflection and reminder of this.
I feel that most of us fight this journey because we are not living in truth and in a loving way. And not accepting of who we are leads to this harmful way of life full of never ending false expectations. How exhausting and damaging this is on individuals and society? This blog shows us that we can choose to be more loving and to be responsible. It is truly inspirational and power when we choose love and truth.
Acceptance of who we truly are is a massive key in life and this I am learning more and more from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
I agree Johanna, you are spot on. Unloving behaviors are harmful and making children respect that is like say ‘yes’ and agreeing with it. What message does this give to our children?
What an amazing, inspiring and powerful blog. I too grew up with this expectation of me to always respect my elders. There was a set belief in my upbringing that your age defined where you stand in the family and socially. The focus was not one of equality but ranking and order. This left me feeling pressured and to feeling less as a child. This didn’t make sense to me but I chose to conform to the rules anyway. Your blog Diane is absolutely amazing and in exposing the illusion and harmful ways in which many of us are choosing to live, disconnected to who we are and to others.
Absolutely Rosanna, and there is no age limit for someone to live from their innermost essence and “see and do life from the perspective of the soul. This can happen at any age.
I feel the grace with which you’ve written this Dianne, and the growing acceptance of yourself in an ageing body. Very beautiful – thank you.
Well said Michelle. Why go against what we can’t change or control? When I read that line, I realize how ridiculous it actually is that we even try. In the end life, nature takes over anyway. It is just a delay. A delay of a natural cycle. Could this be a reflection of a deeper fear, the fear of dying, endings, of no more me? Or is it an arrogance that we think we can play God, go against nature? Interesting questions to ponder upon.
Yes Fiona, me too! I am now approaching 45 and I can feel the wisdom accrued in my lived experience. Whilst I am embracing myself as an attractive woman, for me the main focus is not on my appearance but most certainly on living with grace. I too would love to join Dianne in time in the ranks of a beautiful elderly woman, not weak and dismissed, but powerful, strong and loving. The key to this is to live it now!
I am sure many of us have deeply missed having the wisdom of elders in our society. They are still around, yes, but I remember times of old when elders were more revered and appreciated by people in general.
Your blog reminds me of a commitment I have vowed… to do everything in my power to embrace my god given wisdom and contribute something truly supportive for our generations to come.
I have turned seventy Sandra, and find that age is not about how I look, or what I wear ( today it’s leggings and a baggy T-shirt with a tiger’s head on the front), it’s about living in a caring and respectful way in my body, so that that inner glow will shine for all to see. I have tended to cover those wrinkled arms of mine, but that’s something for me to work on. I love my other wrinkles and the way my body gently ‘sags’ into itself, and trust I have let go of the foolishness of youth, while retaining the playfulness.
Yes me too Ariana, I am finding dressing to be much more fun than when I was young and insecure wanting to fit in with others or stand out. That old saying, “youth is wasted on the young”, often comes to mind when I see young people struggling to appreciate just how beautiful they truly are.
Dianne, I can see now how we have not valued what our elders can provide to the younger generations if they but allow that natural wisdom to come out and be shared without trying to maintain youthful appearances and traits. If one was to also accept the possibility of reincarnation, then perhaps elders would not hold onto youthful traits and ideals with such a death grip. You’ve shown a new way forth that honors our elders and could open up a better relationship between them and younger generations.
When I was younger, I often looked at older women and did not like it. What I did not like was the feeling of giving up they emanated. Like there was nothing more for them to do than to grow old. Now I still see that, but I don’t have any judgements about it. It is not whether you dye your hair or not, or any of those things, but it’s about the inner attitude: am I still fully committing to life in all its aspects? Do I live the grace that is inside and wants to come out? I understand that looking younger might give back that feeling of still participating, which is ofcourse dictated by our society. Elders don’t count so much.
I look for a balance to age gracefully and look after myself cosmetically, and yes with that comes the colour in the hair and beauticians etc. I love myself more then I did 10 years ago and I accept my body as a beautiful vessel to be here on earth.
Age is abstract and relative, as someone from 70 can ‘look’ younger then someone from 30 who gave up on life.
Yes, the assurance that is felt is that of being held in her wisdom and power.
And if the elder woman has no jealousy towards the younger generation, and no bitterness the younger generation can truly look forward to grow old!
Growing older with grace is so much more dignified than trying to hold on to youth for grim death. Everyone knows this and it makes no sense to try and be something we are not. Respect no matter what age or what you do should not be a given thing but on how we respect all of humanity and nature.
Spoken like a true elder Dianne Trussell. You just may be part of the renaissance of true wisdom and experience that great elders of the past had and shared with their communities. This untapped resource seems to have been forgotten in the fast moving modern world which places far more emphasis on physical appearance and function than lived wisdom. Bring it on!
Thank you Dianne I can really relate to learning ‘to break attachments to people and material things, to let go of ideals and beliefs, learning acceptance, understanding, and patience with myself and others.’ As I move into the next phase of my life and let go of all the responsibilities I have loaded myself down with for so many years it feels liberating to choose to cherish my body and from there to explore how I can still be of service to the world from a different perspective. I look forward to exploring what I have to offer whilst celebrating the reality of the physical changes.
Thank you Dianne, it is so true, how can we demand that children respect their elders when their elders are clearly not respecting themselves? Your close examination of what growing older entails exposes the superficial way we address ageing, attempting to lie about our looks rather than embracing the changes and respecting the body’s natural evolution. Its true, if we remove all our props and disguises then the reality of our choices are laid bear for all to see. I am now meeting older women who are embracing and nurturing their inner qualities, truly respecting their bodies and who they truly are. They are a constant source of inspiration and wisdom, valuable friends in my life who show me my true way forward in life. There is an art to growing old gracefully and the women I meet who have connected to their soul (both young and old) are a living piece of art, who have definitely earned the right to be respected by all who meet them.
Thank you Dianne for writing about an important subject as ageing, especially as the ideal out there at the moment does not paint a pretty picture – Catherine mentioned the elderly sometimes give up and having worked as a carer I often found this, especially with the elderly women who’s husbands had passed away.
I consider myself fortunate to have met women and men who are well into their elder years who have not given up and are living vitally, showing us that old age does not have to be the stereotypical norm it is currently painted.
Just beautiful, Dianne. You have captured such grace in your words and exposed a big illusion that we are fed about the expectations we are “supposed” to live up to.
This is a fabulous blog about age. This is beautiful… “I have come to understand that An elder is a role model if they accept themselves for who they truly are, leave behind the harmful choices and irresponsibility that are considered to be the foolishness of the young, and really live their wisdom and grace.” So powerful for those that choose this and live it.
“Imagine if all the elders expressed their true beauty, wisdom and power for the benefit of humanity? Oh boy, there would be a big shakeup of the status quo!” As a child I wanted to be like my grandmother when I got old. She was gracious, gentle and loving, people loved to be around her, I certainly did. Now as an elder myself, I embrace this phase of my life, there is still so much learning and understanding to unfold.
‘Respect your elders’ doesn’t really cut it with me these day either, as there isn’t an awful lot out there to respect or be inspired by. I’m 38 and realised a while back that you don’t magically become wise with age, and it is totally dependent on the way you live your life, it’s all about choices you make, being responsible which doesn’t have to be boring, and considering others in a loving way. I still feel very young and can’t imagine that changing, but I am actually looking forward to being older as I can appreciate how much I already have to offer, which is amazing, and the more honest I am, and the more loving choices I make the more wisdom I feel.
There are many women and men that I have the pleasure of seeing at Universal Medicine courses who literally blow me away by the way they look, they are completely gorgeous, very naturally themselves, a real confidence and beauty in the way they hold themselves and those that are older make ageing look so good. The Universal Medicine before & after photo diary is a testament to this: http://www.universalmedicine.net/before–after.html
This is beautiful Laura. The way one chooses to live life determines the quality of how one ages. I also agree, I am hugely responsible for being the age of 20, but don’t feel dull and boring. I find it a joy to have so much wisdom, and still enjoy the youthfulness that I have, which I feel in truth could be lived until one dies.
This is beautiful to read Dianne and brings tears to my eyes, it is lovely that you are a true elder role model, there are so few in society. I can really feel how as we get older we get caught up in trying to stay young looking rather than accept and celebrate the natural process of ageing, what you have written turns the ageing process on its head, very beautiful and very inspiring for all ages.
Dianne there are many points I’d simply not considered by role models, I also vehemently apposed the saying “respect your elders” very much for the reasons you pointed out. Yet what comes through now when I meet or talk with those true elders who have claimed back the essence of who they are is the great wisdom and presence they bring. A real reassurance that actually life is about being not collecting the next possession and that growing old can be done in true grace and with that a real deep beauty shines out. Of course this may mean the end for many cosmetic companies and expensive face creams but the blessing society receives will more than make up for that.
From a very young age, I always loved our seniors. They had lived longer, experienced more and always had some wisdom to share. Celebrating the culture of youth worship doesn’t make any sense, it is just again a hanging on to an ideal that life is for the young. Life is for us all equally, till our very last breath.
An awesome article Dianne, bringing so much truth on a subject that is surrounded in so much untruth and illusion. I feel very humbled after reading this and have a deeper awareness of the importance of; ‘being an elder role model’, for women who are ‘coming of age’.
There is so much to embrace as we get older but without true role models we never get to know this as a truth. This blog opens the conversation around this and offers us all, young or elder, the opportunity to embrace and celebrate every age including our elder years.
Did you grow in my neighborhood? Elders were not so much respected, but given a wide birth and avoided whenever possible when I was growing up. But even with all these scary big old people around us we all remember a hand full of the ones that were different and we have never forgotten them for what they have given us and how they have inspired us to the point where we are now them.
I loved reading this blog… full of wisdom – this sentence stood out for me ”For me it’s been more limiting to deny ageing and try to power through it, injuring an increasingly delicate body and then being totally stopped, than it is to accept it, become gentle, tender, graceful and consciously present, and thus do no further harm” – Wow! To read about a woman who is accepting and embracing her elder years is unheard of. We certainly do need elders like Dianne Trussell to claim themselves and lead the way for the younger generation – Awesome!
I am 65 but I don’t feel old, I am just who I am. I have lived through many experiences in life and thus am wiser than I was in youth and no longer wondering what I will do with my life because I have lived it and continue to live it. Since listening to presentations by Serge Benhayon, much younger than I am, I understand myself, the world and my purpose in life in a way I never grasped in youth and I now have a renewed enthusiasm for living my life every day.
Hear, hear Mary! I can so relate to what you have expressed here. And just to add I don’t expect we ever feel old, except on those occasions when the body isn’t working so well.
This is a graceful post Dianne, super honest and rare for it shines a torch light on later life, how it is to become an elder, what it feels like and the choices open to us. I was born into an African cultural tradition that demanded blind respect of elders. When it worked well (true respect) it was awesome. But when it was an imposed expectation, regardless of how the person was, it became abusive. In this context status and value in life was measured by age. The older you were the more you were valued this meant children were often attributed a lesser value. In my culture there is this saying, used when a person wants to assert authority over another, ‘I big pass you’. Blind respect led to some elders abusing their position because they could do whatever they liked and not be questioned. There is also true respect of elders. This is where elders are respected, loved and appreciated for who they are within, not because of elder status. This is the same respect given to every human being regardless of their stage in life. Through Universal Medicine I have learned that to be a true role model is not related to age, class, status, or earning capacity, but who we are in our essence and how we live our lives.
When you think about it, it is so strange that the ideal picture is looking young considering half of the world population is elder. Thank you for your blog Dianne, with this I deepen even more my deep appreciation for elder people.
Thank you Dianne Trussell for this revelation on becoming an elder. We have to reclaim being the true elder as being an important period in our lives. Our lives are not wasted when we become an elder, but we elderly are an important group of people in our society, guiding the young into their growing up, and balancing the ill ways that come with the ‘be young’ tendency that we we are currently championing in our society.
To look to elders and feel their immense wisdom and strength and deep deep inner beauty can be one of the most empowering and inspiring moments in a young man’s life. It is not worth undervaluing how much responsibility there is in embracing one’s age and what one can bring to society.
Thank you Diane for this deeply inspirational blog.
The elders struggling to look younger and the young ones fighting the signs of aging – why can’t we just accept the phase of life we are in and live the beauty and grace that are there deep inside of us for all of our lives?
I had a conversation with an older woman in a shop not long ago and she remarked that getting old is an interesting thing because she feels as though she has never actually aged. She shared with me that even though her body is now old and wrinkly, she still feels as young as ever. I love this. It’s so true. Our essence never ages…and with the claiming of our essence and the wisdom that it brings, there is so much to offer by way of inspiration. The way of the elder is living wisdom.
Ageing with grace isn’t the outer complexion and features staying as when they were young, but holding the same quality that you were born with. Along with much experience, knowledge and wisdom.
Love this Luke!
What a great topic you have opened up for discussion here Dianne. Thank you so much for your sharing.
It’s great that you are not going the ‘colour your hair route’ and feel it as a badge of honour! I have, alternatively, been choosing to take the ‘colour my hair’ route and I wear a touch of makeup which I so enjoy. I managed to find a hair colour that is almost identical to my natural colour and it works well. The main thing about the elder role model for me is the grace and wisdom that the Elder can bring and share – that sense of utter well-being and experience, with a good over-view of the bigger picture. The beauty of an elder woman is equal to the beauty of a young woman in every sense, it simply has a different face to it.
I was coming out of Robina shopping centre last year when I encountered, in the car park, a woman who would have been at least 85. She was well dressed with gloves and pearls. We greeted each other and she flashed me a smile that was so beautiful and warm that I felt my heart expanding. I, in my late sixties, felt young beside her, and in that moment I would have loved to have a woman in my life like her that I could go and have a cup of tea and sit in the garden with.
Lyndy, how you’ve shared dying your hair and wearing make-up feels gorgeous – it’s not coming from a need to look a certain way, it’s coming from how you feel and then how you express yourself from that. This is so very different to doing it from a need to look a certain way, to look younger and more beautiful.
Your beauty shines the way forth, Dianne.
How wonderful to read about and consider what it means to be an elder. For most of us and definitely in society, we do not value our worth. There is so much we can appreciate about becoming an elder as you have said, the detachment and more of a ‘holding of all’ kind of love, the wisdom and the ease of not trying to prove anything with our looks, physical or mental prowess. When we elders start to appreciate and live those qualities it will naturally ripple out into all of society and give those younger than us something to look forward to when they reach that cycle in their life.
What a truly inspirational and wise role model you are Dianne. Thank you.
And inspire you do Dianne, thank you.
Dianne, this post is soo needed in our society. I have to share it on Facebook!
I love that you have exposed the falseness of our times and generations pressured to focus on their outer beauty rather than their inner. The lack of true elder role models is a great loss in a society that would benefit enormously from the natural beauty and wisdom of those who grow older honouring themselves and the gorgeous qualities they possess. Our youth especially need that reflection to accept and appreciate the power in just being themselves.
And Dianne what an inspiration you are, your insights here and truth on elders so beautifully expressed. Gosh, there’s so much here to comment on as you raise such super points. I found this line particularly striking i.e. in regards considering the absence of cosmetics and makeup: “The consequences of our past choices could no longer be covered up” – indeed, so many of us use makeup to hide choices, as opposed to highlighting the natural beauty that’s living inside. True beauty is the (wise) choices made to self-love, a wisdom that is lived and passed from elder to younger through inspiration towards natural maturity.
Dianne, in reading your blog I can sense a very vital, joyful, powerful, delicate woman who loves humanity and life! Yes, you are such an Inspiration and a gorgeous role model for all ages.
What you have said here is great ‘I could appreciate the principle, but was constantly frustrated about having to respect people who were making choices and behaving in self-degrading or abusive ways that did not meet up to my own principles.’ How can young people and children be asked to respect someone when that person does not respect themselves or others! Of course it doesn’t make sense .. but that is what we have been asking them! We have a lot to reflect on, change and heal.
Beautifully expressed Dianne. Accepting who we are and honouring what we need is important at any age, but without elders, especially ageing elders as role models there is nothing to counter the external pressures to fit the ideals based on youth and ‘success’. As a child my role models were not irresponsible in the extreme, but there was a lack of joy and vitality in most. I enjoyed the company of my grandparents, especially one grandmother who had the time and patience to help me with tasks I was struggling with. It felt with her that the focus was on me, and not the million and one other things that needed to be attended to. Like you ‘I am learning to break attachments to people and material things, to let go of ideals and beliefs, learning acceptance, understanding, and patience with myself and others’ as I age gracefully.
Great blog Dianne, thank you for writing on this topic.
What would happen if the cosmetic services were all taken away – how would we be with facing the truth of how we have been living?
I really like this line that you wrote because I know that there was a point in my life where I had to stop and see all the choices I had made that got my body into the shape that it is, and to have the lines on my face, including the wrinkles from smoking. They are here to stay, as a reminder of where I have been.
There is nothing I love more than being in the presence of an Elder who knows how much their wisdom and grace means to us all. We all have our part to play in society and the Elder is a very beautiful one. The societal undercurrent of putting down Elder Women as being done for is such a trick, they are so the opposite.
There’s a real belief that women have to hold on to their youth for as long as possible. I was reading a magazine the other day about a lingerie model who is 62 and just giving up modelling. Her closing comment was that she would now rather eat pizza instead. It’s like we have to work hard to gain a certain look (she trained like an athlete and had plenty of cosmetic surgery) then we reach a certain age or point in our lives and then we can let ourselves go. In this we focus completely on the outer and how we look and the inner part of us is ignored.
Thank you Dianne for a great blog on ageing gracefully. I have always been a doer and loved physical activity. Coming up to the age of 72, and after 2 hernia operations I have at last, started to slow down. It has been difficult because of the momentum in my body. But gradually through honouring my body and really feeling what is there to feel, I am starting to feel the beautiful gracefull movements as I come more from my beingness, this is true beauty, the beauty of my soul. A reflection to women of all ages.
Wow, Jill I had no idea you were over 70. It is very hard to tell the age of a woman who has sparkling eyes.
Oh gosh Dianne ~ what an inspiration! A role model to aspire to. This article as well as many women and men now accepting and expressing their elder energy is deeply inspiring ~ and needs to be known worldwide. Your description of an elder role model is something I really connected to as they “accept themselves for who they truly are, leave behind the harmful choices and irresponsibility” I have yet to fully embrace and express myself as a woman, and not my teenager/child like behaviours/feeling. “Inner wellbeing can show on the outside as my natural beauty.” True beauty and so much more enriching than relying on the outside! Because you Feel great. Where did we get so caught up in the outer? Therefore the importance of Universal Medicine presenting a re-connection to the inner. Wow.
I turned 57 yesterday and when I was pondering on this I realised that those numbers did not mean anything, that age is actually irrelevant.That I could be any age, I feel ageless, hard to describe, yes my body is definitely showing signs of aging but even then when I tell people my age they find it hard to believe, as I look so damn good.
Age is something that we use to make excuses like “Oh my memory is poor I am getting old” When really it is because we choose to check out and not connect and this is why we are unable to remember or we do not want to take responsibility for choices we have made in our life so we conveniently forget our past. Or “I can not do that I am too old” another excuse , yes there may be some limitations on our physical body that we have to listen to and respect but then we have to do that at any age…..ponderings of an ageless woman!!!!!!
Joyful birthday Marylouise, and too true you do look damn good for 57 or for any age for that matter. You have in fact got younger since you have been taking such loving care of yourself. You, myself and now many people of all ages are great living testimonials of what Universal Medicine has presented over the years – the importance of caring deeply, tenderly and lovingly for our selves.
As a kid I remember saying to people all of the time, when asked who my idol was: ‘I don’t have one’. They would look at me and smile and say ‘surely you have a movie star, or a musician, or what about Richard Branson’? I generally looked at them and became a bit frustrated at the stupidity of their question (I hadn’t quite the handle on why, as I feel I do now), but I would generally say that I hadn’t met or known of anyone who was living like I wanted to. I did have many lovely elders in my family who I had great relationships with, their stories and tales I loved to probe them about – always learning from what they shared. I feel with a humbleness and sense of acceptance of themselves, our aged friends and family can be important elders – but that’s certainly not to say they definitely are either. Great blog Dianne.
Diane, gorgeous blog, I feel the absolute beauty in your claiming of your elder years and how it’s allowed a different focus, one of being more from insider rather than out, and that’s what we need to see in the world. There are seasons and cycles in life and one is not more or better than another, they are all equal, so young or old they’re all part of the cycle. And so true what you share, it’s one thing that wound me up when I was young, to be asked to respect my elders when I didn’t see anything in the way they were with themselves or me to respect. Basically it was asking to be pandered to, to avoid facing the responsibility of the choices made, rather than be honest – it was a demand to prop up those earlier abusive choices made, not supportive of either the old or the young. It’s wonderful when people truly embrace where they are in life, young or old, and especially important now for any older to embrace true elder energy, as we’ve really lost touch with what it is and what it truly means.
Spoken like a true philosopher Dianne, one that is turning what has been the accepted understanding of things upside down based on your living a different truth, and shining as an example to others.
Beautiful post, what extremely wise words and great wisdom in what you share.
Most of society want to hang on to their youth because as yet there has not been enough true role models who claim their wisdom and age gracefully to inspire women to see that this is possible. Those that are, show us that this is yet another cycle in our life to look forward to and embrace knowing that we are being offered an opportunity to step into our elder energy if we so choose to accept and love ourselves.
Exactly Marylouisemyers. By embracing and accepting our own ageing process, and nurturing ourselves in it, we offer inspiration to younger women who see us and say ‘wow, I’m not afraid of getting old’.
Thank you Dianne, your blog has given me a chance to stop and remember and appreciate how much I am enjoying the ageing process.
Thank you Dianne for the courage to write a blog about getting older, this is a much-needed part of all of our life’s that needs to be looked at.
I love the wisdom you bring, about letting go of how we look and what we can do, physically.
Recently an older woman I had just met commented that I looked 17 or 18 – she meant it as a compliment and I understood this but it made me feel uncomfortable. I ended up expressing my discomfort after smiling awkwardly and thanking her for about 30 seconds. I explained that I was 35 and that I was embracing the opportunity to carry myself as a woman and appreciate my age and I really meant it. A 14 year old girl had been observing the conversation and when the older woman asked her how old she thought I looked she answered 35 with no hesitation. It was an awesome and healing moment inspired by you and women like you Dianne.
This happens to me too Leonne, people think I am much younger than I am and think I should see it as a great compliment. I always say to them, regardless of my looks do I feel 18?… being told you are 18 when you are 33 does not actually feel like a compliment, it feels like they are seeing only and not feeling the woman in front of them (moi). Once I have said that they always say no. Reading this from you has made me realise that when this happens people are not really connecting with me, they are keeping things on a superficial level.
I love this Leonne. I remember being proud of looking younger than I actually was. But looking back I was trying to hold onto being a “little girl” in every way…a female Peter Pan. I was really rather irresponsible in life and always longing to be taken care of, and in my case looking younger was symbolic of that resistence to being a full fledged adult in life.
It shows how conditioned we all are – telling someone they look younger than their years is seen as a massive compliment and I love how you’ve expressed how this made you feel Leonne. It’s really given me something to consider as I have fallen hook, line and sinker for being complimented about looking younger than my 50 years which shows I have an image of what I’m ‘supposed’ to look like at this age, and instantly brings in comparison of how other people look at this age.
It is beautiful to read and feel your transition to a graceful, wise elder Dianne and leaving the intense drive of youth constantly seeking some different appearance or physical achievement. I remember when I was a disgruntled teenager hardening to my growing into a woman I had a stop moment when I met an older woman who was so deeply content in herself, as she smiled her eyes let me in completely and all her laugh lines came alive in her face. She was the most beautiful woman I had seen and felt up to then. I wanted to skip to my fifties to be as wise and at ease in myself as she was, I am in my fifties now and I am far more gentle with the way I move and do things. Even the way I exercise is far more gentle and I love my body more than ever before. The aches and pains I used to have from pushing myself are going and I am even discovering how deeply sexy I am even when I exercise. So Dianne Im on your page- growing older gracefully and wisely living by my inner essence or my soul’s love is something to look forward to and embrace as an enriching time of our lives.
I absolutely love what you share about the need for true elder role models Dianne. I have received such healing watching many elder woman embrace their age. These women shine with a beauty that it is breathtaking and just having the opportunity to observe this has allowed me to let go of many of the fears I used to have about ageing.
There are those older women who try to cling on to their youthful looks, and there are also some who think that getting old means that they should ‘give up’ on their appearance. In so doing they seem to give up a little on themselves, and life, and consequently take on a far more aged way, and not just in appearance, than they would otherwise have. I am fortunate to know older women who are ageing gracefully, who do not look young as such but rather ageless, and certainly no less beautiful than younger women. This is a real blessing to see.
I’ve met some of these women too Catherine, and the ageless quality is a light that shines brightly within them. It is there for us all, young or old and is a divinely attractive quality that does not diminish.
I love your blog Dianne. We desperately need the wisdom of elders and the gentleness that comes from a life well lived. Aging is a natural part of the life cycle and we need to embrace it the way we do youth. What I like about being an elder is my hair turning slivery grey and that everything naturally slows down. There is more time to enjoy everything around me, I leave the running and busyness to the young ones.
Thank you Diane. Have you noticed how when you are young you can’t wait to be older, you feel no-one values your voice, and when you are older you want to be young, no-one values your voice and now your looks! It seems the golden years are short-lived and ever eluding us. Constant searching and wanting to be something, some time, other than where we are. What you share here offers the ability to simple be where we are and embrace it with our whole heart… mmm simple breathe and be.
There feels to me far more beauty in ageing naturally than in an ageing body that is fighting the inevitable process.
I totally agree Fiona, a women accepting herself through all stages of life feels so beautiful and that is what shines from the inside out for all to see.
Absolutely Fiona … we’ll never ‘win a fight’ against ageing, it’s inevitable and I for one have every intention of embracing it in full and with grace.
This is beautiful Dianne, the surrender to your body and just being you. What you share really exposes our beliefs about getting older when ageing can be truly graceful and beautiful.
Thank you Dianne. This blog provides an insight into embracing aging and being a true elder in society. What a beautiful example of a mature, aging woman with so much lived wisdom to share.
Wouldn’t it be amazing when all elders claim themselves and their wisdom, and share this with the young ones like me. I sure would be and am inspired by the elders that claim this already.
Dianne I sooo look forward to getting older now and your blog has further confirmed this. My grandmother died at age 64 from what I’d say was a broken heart – she lost her exuberance for life a long time before and growing up this is what I envisioned about getting older – but now my experience and the experience of many others I know is that it can be different. We can be older, wiser, sexier and more confident as we grow older.
Diane, when I read the part where you write how ageing gracefully means accepting and tenderly attending to your body that is becoming more and more delicate, I melted. That is the true grace of ageing, this stopping, going inwards and letting our true inner beauty come out without an ounce of the external world’s imposed ideals having an impact on us. When an elder woman embodies this, she is an amazing role model for younger women.
Yes I totally agree Gill that those of us in the elder phase of our lives, have such an: “important role to play” in turning around the ingrained concept that growing old is to be avoided at all cost. It is time to begin to truly honour and appreciate all that we have to bring to a world that is so fixated on youth and staying young, often painfully so.
“Having said that, society goes to quite a lot of effort to keep elders down, feeling lesser, and trying to meet the youthful ideals.” I have observed this in the teaching industry, where by often elder teachers are dismissed in the sense of the skills, wisdom and qualities they bring to a class or school, for new and young teachers. I am not saying one or another is better, but I am saying there is a wealth of wisdom that our elders bring and have to offer us in many ways. They have seen the cycles go round and can offer a wealth of lived knowledge and experience. It is a matter of asking them and appreciating their wisdom.
Thank you Dianne for introducing a true elder role model. The focus for women is so much on the outer beauty that it cages us in as young women already but as older women we seem to be non existing. So reading your words is very refreshing and inspiring: ‘I am slowly and gradually switching the focus from how I look and what feats I can perform to living more and more gracefully, wisely and, in fact, soulfully. I am learning to break attachments to people and material things, to let go of ideals and beliefs, learning acceptance, understanding, and patience with myself and others.’
Society is not kind to our elders but why? because once their wisdom was revered and sought out. Why ignore all those years of experience, having made the mistakes and come out the other end. Why not share this with the young so they don’t have to go down that same road and experience the same? I reckon you’ve got something here Dianne in that it is not just a one sided situation. The youth are not respecting the elders but are the elders claiming themselves. I am more now appreciative of those further down the track in life than me as they have great insight if I am willing to stop, listen and consider that I am not the only one who has experienced whatever it is I may be going through. But that others have been there, done that, got the T-shirt so to speak.
This is so affirming, Dianne and has really given me as an elder a little jolt to look at my perceptions of getting old and what I am bowing to in terms of society’s expectations. I can feel at times that I am seeking the looks of youth or seek out compliments that confirm that I look younger than I am. But I also can feel my inner sacredness and beauty and it is this I am going to fully appreciate in how I live each day.
Thank you for this inspiring blog Dianne. The time for the elders in our community to step into their true power is well overdue and this conversation is much needed. The tide is starting to turn and blogs like this are leading the way… The forthcoming book, “The Joy of Ageing Esoterically” (a compilation of stories from some of the Elders in the student body), will further contribute to the discussion, which needs to be shared with ageing people everywhere!
Great article Dianne. By living in a way that honours your body and claiming and expressing your true beauty and wisdom, you are providing a wonderful role model for the younger generation.
Wise words and an inspirational way to look at the aging process. There’s so much more to us than our looks!
Dianne this is such a beautifully written article which is deeply inspiring about ageing as a wise elder. I agree whole-heartedly with the opportunity we have to mature with grace and bring forth the deep wisdom to share with others. I can now accept my body is not about striving for perfection, but to simply accept myself as I am and be in celebration of my ‘goddess curves’ rather than in critique and judgment – this is one of the most self nurturing experiences I have ever given myself permission to enjoy.
“This claiming of my elder years cycle is offered as a true role model for the younger generation to aspire to”.
So true Sarah: “There’s so much more to us than our looks!” and I’m loving the process of discovering what that is, and then sharing it with the world.
Thank you Dianne and Sarah, I agree, living soulfully is an amazing way to grow old! Yes truly inspirational.
A powerful blog Dianne! It is about time that the elder generation claims back their dignity and own unique expression and that we start to care and nurture our bodies in the way it is fit for the actual age we are in.
Dianne your article gives us an opportunity to look in a different way at becoming older and how society is trying to force us to stay young with all the consequences. One of them is that there are hardly any true role models for the younger people and ageing stays something most people do not even want to think about. I absolutely agree with “For me it’s been more limiting to deny ageing and try to power through it, injuring an increasingly delicate body and then being totally stopped, than it is to accept it, become gentle, tender, graceful and consciously present, and thus do no further harm.” Thank you for sharing how you feel about ageing.
‘Respect your elders’ is something I remember from my childhood and like you Diane, I found it confusing as there were few behaving in a way that was respectful or deserved respect. I remember watching films about wise women in a tribe to whom everyone went for counsel – where were these people in the western world, I asked myself? Occasionally one would appear in my life in the form of a teacher or friend but they were few and far between. As you said, the media encourages the older woman to do all she can to look like a younger woman. I have yet to hear them say to go to the elder for advice, tapping into the wisdom of the years lived by them but maybe that will happen when the elders accept the part they can play in life, being all that they are in their maturity, there to serve the younger generation with impartial advice, not to fix anything or make it better but just to be there for them. An important role elders can step up to and offer.
Thank you Dianne for your honest sharing. In a world where outer beauty and appereance is all that matters and where in fact our self-esteem and self-worth is depening on our outer appearance, it is an absolute joy to read your blog and to get a reflection of truth.
Great article, Dianne and so important topic, because as you say clearly “many of our elders have allowed themselves to be degraded and disregarded by the culture of youth worship, to the great detriment of society.” It is a massive loss to not have the elder generation as true role models living and sharing true wisdom, but often trying to stay youthful and abusing their bodies. We all have to pave the way by living the amazingness of getting older. I personally love it!
Thank you Dianne, I found it interesting to consider what we can wipe away with treatments, these days, it made me realise that we can make some of the physical consequences disappear. For example not covering up in the sun and removing sun damage with IPL. Our children don’t see the fall out out form the choices we have made. I remember looking at my grandparents leathery skin and thinking I will never bake for hours in the sun. There is a whole lot of “lesson’s learnt” mainly around disregard that can get swept away.
What a gorgeous and honest blog Diane. I too have rebelled against the ‘respect your elders’ just for the sake of it. But I have a deep respect for the elders I now know, those who have done the work on returning to who they are and live from and with their soul, such as yourself, who share their delicacy, wisdom and grace with all around them.
This is a powerfully, inspiring article. Your wisdom shines through with each bold statement of claiming who you are but also having an acceptance of where your body is at. This is very beautiful. I feel in myself the resistance to aging, it may not be overt but it’s still there. I now aspire to fully embrace the seasons of my life with grace and poise and having elder role models such as yourself certainly make it easier to do. Thank you
I agree wholeheartedly with what you say Dianne. The elder years really are an opportunity to fully connect to our innermost essence and live as true role models which is in turn an inspiration to younger generations. It’s such a shame that growing old is seen as wrong and to be avoided, chasing after youth means you miss the golden opportunities offered in the twilight years.
What a beautiful role model you are Dianne! With true role models like you and many others now who are choosing to make more loving choices in how they live, the younger generation can begin to see the benefits of those choices and will be inspired to make similar choices. Already this is happening but we need so much more acceptance and appreciation of the beauty of growing older and the wisdom it brings.
Dianne, I always used to say that I would like to grow old gracefully and here you are just a living proof of doing that. Many older women I know are lost in the world of doing things constantly to feel their worth and mostly not feeling beautiful in their looks. I have met but a few women who I can truly say are comfortable in their skin as they age and these women really inspire me to embrace that beauty in me too as I age myself. Thank you for your beautiful reflection.
Gorgeous blog Dianne. You are the beauty and grace you write about.
On reading your blog Dianne, it seems that there is a big opportunity for more elders to start claiming their authority and living their wisdom out in the world, not hiding or retiring from life.
Is this a missing link in our society?
Such important insights have been offered here Dianne. We have such a fearful and resistant approach to ageing…and when we see the way people do age it is not very inspiring. Some people kick and scream, doing everything in their power to keep looking and acting young. Other people completely give up, stop taking care of themselves at all. Neither are very appealing options.
But you have offered something really lovely to consider, a form of ageing that is gracious, caring (for self and others) and deeply accepting.
My own ageing process has brought its challenges, but I am also more willing to accept my power, wisdom and experience and share it as and when it is appropriate.
Thank you for raising this crucial subject Dianne.
Diane thank you for sharing the traps that are not allowing ourselves to age and the impact this has on the younger generation. I agree our beauty comes from within us and for me as a nearly 55 year old woman the expression of this in how I dress and care for myself feels very naturally sexy!
Even though I am of your generation you are a truly beautiful and inspiring role model to me Dianne. I hope to ‘grow up’ to be just like you.
We live in a culture of youth worship. I have never have read it stated so clearly. We indeed do, if you just look around you. Everybody seems to be trapped in this culture with its beliefs, ideals, rituals and behaviours. Growing old does not seem to be an option. What if we grow up and show the grace and beauty of growing up?
Hey Dianne, I am with you as I also “. . am learning to break attachments to people and material things, to let go of ideals and beliefs, learning acceptance, understanding, and patience with myself and others.” And I can so relate to exchanging “living under the control of the chaos of the world to living from my innermost essence, seeing and doing life from the perspective of the soul.” Thanks for expressing this so beautifully.
These are areas of my life that I too have been choosing to bring back to a more loving way of being.
‘My Elder years cycle’ – I haven’t considered looking at the blessing that the elder years offer. I am aware that I feel a growing fullness and wisdom within me that I didn’t feel when I was younger. This has come about due to my re-connection to myself and appreciating for the first time my innate beauty. I love the ‘Offering’ the elder years are bringing. May the reflection of our lives bring much celebration for those beautiful young ones following in our foot steps. Thanks Dianne for opening more awareness around ‘Aging Gracefully’.
There is a big gap without Elders as you describe them, filled with the power of their lived experience and the beauty and grace that comes with that wisdom. True Elders would provide a marker for younger folks (including middle aged) to remind them of what’s important. I have some elders in my life and their ability to cut away all complication and just focus on what’s truly important is beautiful to be around. The elders in my life share so openly with me their wisdom, always give me a hand up, and I’m held in complete love and acceptance.
You ask some great questions here Dianne and offer a true role model for the younger generation. Thank you.
The irresponsibility continued in older age can ‘leave younger people adrift in misconceptions…’. How elegantly written Dianne.
I remember clearly when I was about 8 years old and thought ‘when I am 80 I will be 10 times wiser than I am now’, yet when I met people around that age not only was this not true but in some cases they seemed much less wise than I was as a child! At the time I was very puzzled!
People need to see you people like you, Diane Trussell. A woman who loves who she is and who she is becoming, accepting the flow of ageing with open arms. This is very rare, shouldn’t be , but it is. Lead the way;)
I agree Suzanne, I also feel more vital and adore being me at 57 so,so more engaged in life and feel deeply inspired by all that I do. We do need to get the word out and what is awesome is that there are those in the Esoteric Community that are writing books and doing other projects on this very subject already knowing the need for humanity to see there is another way to aging.
Hear, hear Suzanne.
Hey Dianne you have portrayed an excellent example of what an elder role modal is
I am 58 and have never felt fitter or younger in my life. I have no issue at all with aging and in fact absolutely love it as I love myself and the amazing life I have. I have a huge amount of life and business experience and it is a joy to be able to share it with the many younger people who I work and play with as it is to learn from them. I am not sure if 58 is old or not in your book but I have not had the experience of the aching body you mention but certainly when I was in my 20s and 30s I had an aching body. Also I do not feel any pressure at all from society. I have heard other aging women saying they become invisible and things like that but that is not my experience one iota. I think to be affected by all this nonsense you have to accept it – I don’t see the Dalai Lama being invisible. Finally as you say being a true elder is not just to do with age as some old people are certainly not “elders” and I know some young people who have great wisdom and exude an elder energy.
I so agree with you Nicola you are an inspiration to all. And I cannot imagine you being invisible to anybody!!!!
Great points Nicola, I like what you have added to the discussion with this comment, yes there are many old people who are not ‘elders’, and, ‘ some young people who have great wisdom and exude an elder energy.’
I couldn’t agree more with the statement that it was very hard if not impossible to have respect for elders when observing some their self-destructing, self-abusive and downright cantankerous ways.
Looking at what children go through in school today I feel I am getting off lightly in terms of having to deal with changing conceptions of being older. I wonder if it is the same for women. Do they also feel that being older is easier to handle than being a youth is today?
Thanks Dianne. I have worked in aged care and in my observation a lot of elderly people are worn out and mentally already ‘checked out’. What makes it this way, that when we get old there is nothing to live for? True vitality and a shine is something that can be sustained and our elderly people should be valued just as much as children.
Agreed – there is so much wisdom held by our elders, and this should be cherished, learned from, respected and nurtured in the same way as we look after our children. Youth is not the be all and end all, but merely a stage of life to be lived in full like any other.
Thank you Dianne as you are indeed a true role model for us all to aspire to.
It is so true Dianne how strong the pull and expectation to stay young is. In honouring ourselves through the ageing process, we can experience great vitality and remain playful and youthful. In not choosing to honour ourselves we lose that natural youthfulness and end up trying to find it in how we look and how we are acknowledged by others. Your blog brings awareness to this choice we have as we age and it is very well spelled out.
Thanks Diane for your article, it certainly has given me lots to ponder. As I was reading it, I could feel that I haven’t accepted that I am ageing and there is still so much of me that wants to hold onto youthful looks and my hair not turning grey. Ouch! What you offer is a beautiful reminder that there is much wisdom and grace to claim as one ages, that it isn’t down hill, in fact it is up hill as an opportunity to connect more deeply and live soulfully.
I love what you’ve written here Diane, if the cosmetic services were all taken away and we were left with the ‘as it is’ of our faces and our bodies and an exposing map of all our choices. Then we would have to gain our self-worth through connecting to our innermost. This is definitely the lesson of the ageing process, letting go of our identification with the outermost, while still being fully engaged with it, and making way for intimacy with our being. Actually, although it has its challenges, I love this process, allowing graceful ageing, there are many unheralded benefits if one embraces the process.
It is interesting because what I have observed is the more I let go of my focus being on how I look and connect with,know and love my innermost, the more beautiful I actually look.
What if….now this is a wild and crazy thought….we actually got to see how beautiful we are, as we are??!! At every age! OMG! There is a billion dollar beauty industry blown right there in an instance!
Reading your comment Josephine, I am reminded of my relationship with sugar. This might seem to be a digression, but bear with me. I used to be addicted to sweet foods, and could easily eat a family block of chocolate all on my own in one evening. In those days green apples tasted sour as gall to me. Then slowly I cut back and cut back on sugar and my sense of taste adjusted becoming very refined. Everything tasted far more clear and I detected the subtle nuances food with the less sugar I ate. Today green apples are so sweet to me that I cannot believe I never noticed this before. My point is that our senses adapt to what we feed them and our eyes are no different. We feed ourselves a “family block” of beauty ideals and we consume them through our eyes. Before long the “family block” is all that appeals to us and we demand more, not knowing how much we are missing out on.
The more we cut out that very bland an homogenous type of beauty, and the more we see women claiming their real beauty at every age, the more our senses become refined and nuanced…having tasted true beauty we will ask for more.
This is beautiful thank you Dianne. I agree the world needs more true role models, of people who deeply love and care for and appreciate themselves just the way they are, and remain active and engaged in society in full! From this blog I now see ageing as a time where we are almost forced to look at what is most important in life. Either we embrace this, go deep and begin to shine, or we withdraw, give up and have a miserable end of life. Working in aged care I see how important it is to treat our elderly equally, like normal people, not change the way we are with them because they look different, or may move or speak a bit slower or louder!
Good point Danielle it is important to treat our elderly equally and support them in their aging process as well as them having great role models of older people embracing this phase of their lives.
This is a great presentation Dianne.
As a woman coming into my elder years myself, I appreciate your words here “It is giving me the opportunity to morph from a physical being living under the control of the chaos of the world to living from my innermost essence, seeing and doing life from the perspective of the soul.”
This is what has supported me most in embracing my ageing, doing it as naturally and respectfully (of myself) as I can. I love the way my hair has greyed and though I was a little less enthusiastic about the wrinkles, when I look into my eyes, and face as a whole, rather than focus on the wrinkles in judgement, it all ties up beautifully. I am learning to appreciate too, how much wisdom I actually do have and how fabulous that is. And I am not holding it back because of what society currently dictates elders to be – as invisible as possible – perhaps so it won’t have to look at being responsible for its choices, the results of which become even more evident as we age.
We have a very important place as role models for those who come after us, eventually to become elders themselves. What kinds of role model are we going to be?
Yes Dianne, doesn’t this attitude to age reveals a lot about how we see life? Its beautiful to read your words and feel an abundance of innocent delight – you remind us, this is absolutely timeless.
When I meet up with one of my family members he always tells me that you don’t want to get old…like we have a choice;;;chronologically!!
But through all that I have found, and continue to find via UniMed, I am finding my elder years a delight. Various aches and pains have got me working with a hydrotherapist and gaining a realisation of just how I use (or abuse) the various muscles in my body. Maybe too late for this life time, but a foundation for the next perhaps?
Amazing blog Dianne. Much needed in a world that idealises youth and outer beauty in favour of the wisdom and grace we can embrace in our later years.
Very true, and crazy if we really stop and consider this. How we have as a society dismissed the grace, beauty and power that comes with a woman’s elder years.
I love so many things about this blog but I especially love the last paragraph about loosing the sense of how your physical body ‘looks’ in an ideal way as this has so much horrible emphasis as you have so beautifully discussed in your piece earlier. I am looking forward to feeling more of the elder woman in you and you inspiring other elder women too.
One of the great things about living as an elder is that you don’t have to wait till you get old to do it. One only need “accept themselves for who they truly are, leave behind the harmful choices and irresponsibility that are considered to be the foolishness of the young, and really live their wisdom and grace.”
No wonder we so often try to look as young as possible if this is considered the way of youth … trying to hang on to a way to justify our irresponsibility perhaps??
I love this point Helen very true – just take Natalie Benhayon for example “One of the great things about living as an elder is that you don’t have to wait till you get old to do it.”
Yes! I love what you have written here Helen. You don’t have to be a certain age to be wise. Some children are very wise, a lot wiser than some adults in fact… and that is an interesting point.. are they justifying their irresponsibility?
Great point Helen! It’s true that being an elder really has nothing to do with physical age at all, but rather that it is the mark of responsibility firstly for self, and then being aware that others are equally responsible for their own choices. Understanding this means true inspiration and support can be offered to others from true wisdom, but without need or attachment. Natalie Benhayon is to me one classic example of being a true elder, which has nothing to do with her age.
haha. Well said Helen. Yes, we can be an elder at any age, and don’t need to wait for the sprinkling of grey hair to prove it!
I love your point about justifying irresponsibility… Older does not necessarily mean wiser, unless the choice is made to continually deepen our responsibility and to evolve in life. It is very exposing to grow older without truly growing…
Oh how I agree Helen – I was thinking exactly this as I read Dianne’s blog. The major stance to master is ‘acceptance’ – all else follows, the natural beauty of the elder, the wisdom, the wonderful capacity to observe life – all flows from Acceptance.
Such a wise and beautiful post Dianne. “It is giving me the opportunity to morph from a physical being living under the control of the chaos of the world to living from my innermost essence, seeing and doing life from the perspective of the soul.” Gorgeous. A heart-felt thankyou, on behalf of elder women everywhere.
Yes and a heartfelt thank you from women of all ages I’m sure. I am so inspired to embrace myself and all my qualities as a woman as I get older as I’ve been inspired by elder women.
Now I no longer fear getting old and aging as I did when I took on the belief that there was a shelf life to a woman’s attractiveness and purpose(!!!) I know I’m only scratching the surface of appreciation of what you bring and what I can look forward to when I am older.
Yes it does Alison. I was surprised by how great it felt to claim my age. What a different world we would be living in if we all adored ourselves at any age.