Celebrating our Strengths

As men, it is as if we are brought up to be in a dog pit – constantly competing to be the top dog, always needing to show our superiority in whatever way we can so effectively we will not get crushed by the world or by others.

We are brought up with the idea of showing off our strengths and feathers, just like the majestic peacock, then keeping hidden any flaws and/or weaknesses we have, just in case someone else may see them, attack us there and expose the lie we are essentially living; a lie constructed so intricately that we can get through life seemingly unmarked.

We appear to ‘fit in’ and we avoid rejection, but underlying this we are still living with a tension because we know we are not living with the same joy and ease that we had when we were young.

This incessant need to live a lie changed for me when I met Serge Benhayon, whom I have been fortunate to know for quite a few years: Serge is a man who is not afraid to show all of himself – warts and all.

A beautiful thing about Serge is the way he always celebrates others for what they bring and who they are. If he sees someone doing well he will get fully behind them, unreservedly so, rather than trying to outdo or compete with them, as most men tend to do. This is not an extremely common thing to see in the society we live in today. Seeing Serge do this with myself, and others, has inspired me to also appreciate and celebrate other people more.

I have learnt that it is important to celebrate both our own strengths and the strengths of others. By doing so, our strengths will build and develop and will help us in the weaker areas of our lives, the areas we have chosen, for whatever reason, not to give as much time and focus to.

By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.

We also give that person the confidence and confirmation that they will not be shot down for doing what they are doing, and by doing so, we are helping to take away the notion and idea of competition; that we should always be striving to outdo each other.

It has brought me a freedom and has taken away a lot of the tension and stress that I felt in relationships, especially those among men. I have found that it brings a great strength to relationships, a strength where we can all truly work together as a team, a team where we can all lead and all follow.

We do not have to be macho, super tough or anything like that, rather we can be our natural loving, caring and tender selves. I used to think that being ‘sensitive’ was quite un-masculine but now I simply see it as ‘being aware of what we are feeling’ – which I now embrace as an enormous strength to have.

I now am living far more the ‘man’ I naturally am and less of the act I used to put on to live up to the version of what I thought I needed to look like as a man.

by James Nicholson, BNat Design Consultant, Frome UK

Further reading:
Men – Are We Set Up to Fail?
To Truly Love Men: The Natural Tenderness of all Men

1,469 thoughts on “Celebrating our Strengths

  1. This fitting-in business, if we are all finding it somewhat an effort, if not a downright hard work, then we really need to question the model that we are trying to fit into. Some of us may have mastered the art of pushing and overriding and act like the winner in this game and look down on the rest, but our body knows the truth.

  2. “A beautiful thing about Serge is the way he always celebrates others for what they bring and who they are.” Pure love and true brotherhood.

  3. It is true we have built ourselves a society where we are afraid to show weakness or what we perceive as weakness, which is a shame because those perceived weaknesses are our actual strengths.

    1. Yes, it seems we have it the wrong way round, we pick on the things we don’t like and are blind to the beauty that is around us.

      1. Bringing appreciation and celebration to what we bring is very beautiful, ‘I have learnt that it is important to celebrate both our own strengths and the strengths of others.’

  4. Displaying one’s plumage and forever competing for the position of top dog is nothing compared to the innate sensitivity and delicateness that we all hold within, men and women alike.

      1. Yes, there is nothing wrong with showing our beauty and amazingness but lets show our true beauty and not something we pretend to be.

  5. It truly is the hand of evil that we are taught that our power lies in overpowering, dominating and defeating another. For in fact living with true power is one where the love we are within is honoured as the one unifying quality that it is. As when this quality is embraced and lived there is no need for competition or comparison as we know, can feel and appreciate that the reflection of love from another is a reflection of the power we all have access to live with. Instead of competition we the have inspiration which supports us all to evolve.

    1. Inspiration is one of the greatest gifts we can give another, I love the originis of the word coming from ‘inspare’ in Latin to breathe – essentially we give another the opportunity to breathe their own breath.

  6. “If he sees someone doing well he will get fully behind them, unreservedly so, rather than trying to outdo or compete with them, as most men tend to do.” We unfortunately really champion competitiveness in society, being top of the class, fastest runner, best speller, etc starts very early in education and family life. We have held competition as the pinnacle of achievement but we haven’t honestly looked at the outcomes for how this truly feels for ourselves, nor the outcomes of competitiveness for society as a whole.

    1. I agree and the problem is we all want to the top dog, the leader, the one in charge as we want to be seen rather than backing who ever has the lead and doing whatever is necessary regardless of who gets seen and who gets the credit.

  7. Just recently on the BBC web site was a news article about a group of extremists one man was as young as 17 years old. I feel we as a society need to have a serious talk about the way we are bringing up our children for example this 17 year old was once a baby boy he came into this world full of love and yet by the time he reached 17 years old he is full of anger and such hate that he wants to lash out and hurt others. I don’t feel we can point the finger at the young man and say he is bad he should be punished, as to me he is a product of the way we all behave and interact with each other.

    1. I agree Mary something is deeply wrong with our society when we have instances like this, and as you say ‘he is a product of the way we all behave and interact with each other’ and is not to blame.

  8. There is a deep joy reading this today. Imagine if the world lived like this? Celebrating and confirming another’s (and our own) strengths, and looking to them to build up / be inspired by the areas that we are not so strong in. There is a deep settlement in my bones when I feel that truth. And if we want to see the world living this, it is up to each and every one of us to start living it now. Thank God for Serge Benhayon for showing us the way.

    1. The world sure would be and will be a different place when we celebrate and support each rather than trying to compete and out do each other. Also by focusing our strengths with each other natural our weaker areas without trying lift up. When we focus on the ‘bad’ or weaker areas then life seems to become a struggle and the blame game comes up quite a lot.

  9. I attended a Universal medicine workshop recently and as part of the course we had to pair up. I found myself paired with a man who I discovered was absolutely gorgeous; to actually feel he was totally harmless and was so at ease with himself was a pure delight for me to experience. I work in a male dominated industry and I can honestly say that most of the men I meet are guarded, hard and very competitive with each other. Underneath this layer of protection they are very soft and gentle and some men will admit this but they feel they cannot show this to the world. As a society we have put men into a strait jacket why have we done this when we actually don’t like what we have asked them to become?

    1. Great question Mary, it makes no sense how we have asked and ask men to be. Naturally like you say we are all deeply tender and sensitive just have hardened up to get through life and we all miss out of our innate loving qualities.

  10. It’s a blessing having someone in our life who inspires us to celebrate our strenghts. Before coming accross Universal Medicine and knowing Serge Benhayon I didn’t see many teachers encouraging me to celebrate myself. Going at school was based on effort and it didn’t felt a joy to me, but very boring. These year I’m coming back to study and I’m appreciating the enjoyment that I can feel because I’m appreciating what I bring to the class each day, knowing that each one of us has something equally precious to bring. I wonder how amazing would be if we would appreciate each other and ourselves more often. Certainly the growing rates of stress, anxiety, depression, suicides…would go down in a split second. Everyone would know about their worth and value so there wouldn’t be reason to feel bored or not fullfilled anymore. There is a work to be done but how great having already people in this world who are living another way, full of joy and contentment for who they are in essence.

    1. It sure is a blessing having Serge Benhayon in our lives, and the more we appreciate this, I find the more I appreciate myself and the knock on effect is huge. So often we are taught to focus on our weaknesses whereas when we give appreciation and deepen our strengths naturally our weaker areas come up as well – so out with the blame and trying and in with the love and appreciation!

    2. Thank you Inma, a beautiful and joyous comment. It really highlights how we have lost our true and joyful connection with ourselves and therefore others, and the beauty appreciation brings to life supporting us to know and celebrate ourselves and our preciousness, and then see and enjoy the same in others. Thanks James also for your words about appreciation deepening our strengths, I hadn’t looked at it that way before, it’s great the different ways people express the same topic and how that contributes to our understanding.

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