As men, it is as if we are brought up to be in a dog pit – constantly competing to be the top dog, always needing to show our superiority in whatever way we can so effectively we will not get crushed by the world or by others.
We are brought up with the idea of showing off our strengths and feathers, just like the majestic peacock, then keeping hidden any flaws and/or weaknesses we have, just in case someone else may see them, attack us there and expose the lie we are essentially living; a lie constructed so intricately that we can get through life seemingly unmarked.
We appear to ‘fit in’ and we avoid rejection, but underlying this we are still living with a tension because we know we are not living with the same joy and ease that we had when we were young.
This incessant need to live a lie changed for me when I met Serge Benhayon, whom I have been fortunate to know for quite a few years: Serge is a man who is not afraid to show all of himself – warts and all.
A beautiful thing about Serge is the way he always celebrates others for what they bring and who they are. If he sees someone doing well he will get fully behind them, unreservedly so, rather than trying to outdo or compete with them, as most men tend to do. This is not an extremely common thing to see in the society we live in today. Seeing Serge do this with myself, and others, has inspired me to also appreciate and celebrate other people more.
I have learnt that it is important to celebrate both our own strengths and the strengths of others. By doing so, our strengths will build and develop and will help us in the weaker areas of our lives, the areas we have chosen, for whatever reason, not to give as much time and focus to.
By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other.
We also give that person the confidence and confirmation that they will not be shot down for doing what they are doing, and by doing so, we are helping to take away the notion and idea of competition; that we should always be striving to outdo each other.
It has brought me a freedom and has taken away a lot of the tension and stress that I felt in relationships, especially those among men. I have found that it brings a great strength to relationships, a strength where we can all truly work together as a team, a team where we can all lead and all follow.
We do not have to be macho, super tough or anything like that, rather we can be our natural loving, caring and tender selves. I used to think that being ‘sensitive’ was quite un-masculine but now I simply see it as ‘being aware of what we are feeling’ – which I now embrace as an enormous strength to have.
I now am living far more the ‘man’ I naturally am and less of the act I used to put on to live up to the version of what I thought I needed to look like as a man.
by James Nicholson, BNat Design Consultant, Frome UK
Further reading:
Men – Are We Set Up to Fail?
To Truly Love Men: The Natural Tenderness of all Men
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
Thank you James – this is all about how to transform relationships and allow ourselves to be seen and to share all of us with everyone: “It has brought me a freedom and has taken away a lot of the tension and stress that I felt in relationships, especially those among men. I have found that it brings a great strength to relationships, a strength where we can all truly work together as a team, a team where we can all lead and all follow.”
We are a ‘dime a dozen’ – in other words there are so many of us, BUT there is a purpose to this too for each and every one of us can reflect to another unique qualities that we have ‘mastered’ so to speak and in this process it is not about showing this off but rather to offer support and inspiration to others for and through these qualities.
“I have learnt that it is important to celebrate both our own strengths and the strengths of others. By doing so, our strengths will build and develop and will help us in the weaker areas of our lives, the areas we have chosen, for whatever reason, not to give as much time and focus to.” – So many things here are GOLD – firstly to celebrate someone strengths is a beautiful thing as it so confirms then in their qualities and secondly it really does offer us a foundation to draw upon when dealing with those areas that are not our strengths. It is a win win situation to celebrate us in that way.
“ By celebrating the strengths of others we can be inspired to develop those areas in ourselves and can learn from each other. We also give that person the confidence and confirmation that they will not be shot down for doing what they are doing.” What a great line, and how true we often won’t allow our true strengths out in life because we feel we will again be shot down, and what a different and richer society we would have if we got rid of the comparison and competitiveness, to instead nurture and encourage each other to shine.
“A beautiful thing about Serge is the way he always celebrates others for what they bring and who they are.“ There is an absence of comparison and competition in Serge, he lives such a state of purity of the soul, a state of energetic integrity, that such energies of fighting others, even subtly, don’t express through him. I hadn’t appreciated this fully enough as it feels so normal to feel this sense of celebration and of fostering of our strengths from Serge.
This fitting-in business, if we are all finding it somewhat an effort, if not a downright hard work, then we really need to question the model that we are trying to fit into. Some of us may have mastered the art of pushing and overriding and act like the winner in this game and look down on the rest, but our body knows the truth.
Fumiyo this pushing and shoving everyone else around, really being a horrible bully, is plain to see in certain politicians. We only have ourselves to blame because we voted for them in the first place, so what energy were we all in when we voted for someone to bully us?
“A beautiful thing about Serge is the way he always celebrates others for what they bring and who they are.” Pure love and true brotherhood.
It is true we have built ourselves a society where we are afraid to show weakness or what we perceive as weakness, which is a shame because those perceived weaknesses are our actual strengths.
Yes, it seems we have it the wrong way round, we pick on the things we don’t like and are blind to the beauty that is around us.
Bringing appreciation and celebration to what we bring is very beautiful, ‘I have learnt that it is important to celebrate both our own strengths and the strengths of others.’
Superbly well said Julie – our perceived weaknesses are certainly most often our greatest strengths only we are conditioned to feeling dumb or doomed about them which is the greatest trick ever to make us think the absolute opposite.
Displaying one’s plumage and forever competing for the position of top dog is nothing compared to the innate sensitivity and delicateness that we all hold within, men and women alike.
It sure isn’t Gabriele, and when we show our ‘innate sensitivity and delicateness’ then that is showing our true plumage and the divine-ness we all are.
Yes, there is nothing wrong with showing our beauty and amazingness but lets show our true beauty and not something we pretend to be.
Love that Esther, no pretense or falsity needed.