About 4 years ago when I was living in London I was preparing to return home to Australia for Christmas. I decided before I travelled that I would get a new haircut so that I could feel good about myself for the trip. However, what was a routine haircut fast turned into a nightmare when a rather young and inexperienced hairdresser went against my wishes and clumsily chopped off way too much hair. I was devastated, and I’m not ashamed to say that I cried.
Having grown up within a hairdressing family I had come to more clearly understand the side of the hairdresser in these types of situations and had never before found myself in the position of the dissatisfied customer.
Previously, when I had heard of similar nightmare haircuts from friends I had thought to myself that hair is just hair and that it’s no big deal if too much is cut off as it will grow back. But in that moment when I looked in the mirror at my lopped locks, it very much felt like a big deal. It felt like I had been violated somehow. I did not want to let it go and I most definitely was not ready to move on!
What I have come to realise since, as I have processed this traumatic experience, is how much investment, as a woman, I had placed on my looks and how that determined both how I felt about myself and how I interacted with others. I felt like my world had ended, but not because my hair was too short, but because I felt that in losing the length I, in some way, had been robbed of my femininity and my expression of it. As a result, my self-esteem and self-worth took a tremendous blow.
I didn’t realise at the time, but in an attempt to not truly acknowledge what was being presented here for me to feel into and heal, I covered up the hurt I felt by making a conscious commitment to grow my hair as long as I possibly could.
Because the decision to grow my hair was coming from a place of reaction to the deep hurt I felt of me not claiming my true and unwavering femininity in full, growing my hair was then loaded with an unconscious ideal that long hair meant I was feminine, protected, and in control of my expression as a woman.
During the following years, I barely cut my hair at all, choosing instead to get a trim only once a year to keep it looking somewhat healthy. I was happy with how it looked and I felt a sense of pride and satisfaction as it grew longer and longer. Friends and colleagues at work began to remark on how lovely it looked and how long it had gotten and I started to feel a deeper sense of femininity and self-worth the longer it grew.
I was so wrapped up in the identification of growing it – however, I started to feel an uneasy sense of being identified by my hair. Wasn’t there more to feeling my sense of self worth than through the act of growing my hair long?
Interestingly, after a series of life changing shifts began to occur in the way that I see myself and my relationships through the support and encouragement of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine practitioners, it came as a complete surprise to me when I began to have daydreams about cutting my hair off short.
I know that I can be quite impulsive sometimes so I kept thinking that the feelings would pass, but they didn’t, so I started researching new hair styles and looking at the latest trends and they all seemed to be shorter, much shorter, than my long hair. After sharing around a picture of my ideal hairstyle to my partner, girlfriends and family and receiving an unanimous thumbs up, I decided that the time was right for me to have my hair cut again.
I made an appointment with the hairdresser and when it came time to cut my hair, I was astonished that a similar set of circumstances to the time in London quickly unfolded. Despite discussing the plan for the haircut explicitly, I once again was left feeling as though my hair had been cut way too short and all of the old feelings came flooding back.
I felt that once again my femininity and expression as a woman had been compromised. I was devastated – way more devastated than the previous time it had occurred. However, this time I felt that I had much more support and many more tools to help me feel into the real issue trying to get my attention.
I had to come to terms with the fact that it wasn’t about the hair, although it was tough to not fall victim to that way of thinking when aesthetically, I wasn’t happy with the look. When I really took the time to feel deeply into what was coming up for me to look at, yet again, I realised I was making my expression as a woman, my styling, hair and make-up and how I am perceived as a result of that outward expression, the source of my true value.
Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.
Feeling into this nugget of truth was incredible and an amazing thing to nominate and let go of. It is truly astonishing how opportunities like this present themselves, then present again until we are ready to go there. I missed the opportunity to feel more into this the first time in London, but by nature of the cyclical world that we live in, I was given another chance at going there.
I now have been able to see these haircuts for the truly amazing blessings that they are and how they have been a bridge to build a deeper relationship with myself and claim my beauty and amazingness as a woman from within first. I’m not totally unattached to the outer just yet, but I have made some amazing inroads and my awareness will help me continue down the path.
There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.
Inspired by the work of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon.
By Megan Cairney, Brisbane
Further reading:
Bad Hair Cut, Bad Hair Day, Bed-Hair – Bad Me?
Is True Beauty Really In The Eye of The Beholder?
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
I feel like I am in ‘obstacle hell’ at the moment, so to read this – “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur” – feels like a timely invitation to allow myself to feel and trust, and know that this is here for me to heal, thank you.
I have found it is always important to read and get to the truth of what is really presenting, ‘I had much more support and many more tools to help me feel into the real issue trying to get my attention’.
It’s a great blog. We invest a lot into our hair and the style it provides us. You can look at someone and from their hair understand what look they are after or what their seeking in attention from another. As Megan as pointed to , and what I have claimed, the more care and nurturing you provide yourself this emanation is what is seen first not your hairstyle.
Yes, what we don’t deal with and heal comes around again, I have just had another reminder of this – and its bigger the next time round, ‘ but by nature of the cyclical world that we live in, I was given another chance at going there.’
We do live in cycles so it is very true Megan that when we don’t learn from the first time something comes around, we most certainly will have the situation arise again and again until we get it!!
I am sure there are many people who would have felt devastated by what happened at the hairdressers, but what a great understanding you came to, ‘is how much investment, as a woman, I had placed on my looks and how that determined both how I felt about myself and how I interacted with others.’
Megan I have had similar issues with hairdressers doing their own thing with my hair and I too have cried at the end result. Its so interesting how we attach our self worth to a particular aspect or feature. I have noticed how things like bad haircuts tend to happen over and over again until we learn the lesson they present.
Although how we look from the outside to me is still important, but more importantly is to feel the beauty from within as that is the source from whatever will present itself on the outer.
2 days ago I went from my natural brunette state to a rose gold colour – to all intents and purposes a blonde, which I had been curious to try. My hairdresser was amazed at how calm I was about such a radical shift – she was more anxious about it then me! I told her yes, while there definitely was a difference to get used to, I still felt like me on the inside. This response has indicated to me that I have come a long way in terms of building an inner sense of self that transcended the external change.
What we identify with can be very strong. I know when my hair is too thick or too short that I feel uncomfortable, there is an element of self critique yet as Megan alludes to our experience is reflecting a message back to us about how we value ourselves. A trip to the hairdresser for me can range in experiences from uncomfortable to joyous, and it is all a reflection of my own level of self value.
I love the cyclical nature of healing, where a self-limiting belief re-occurs until we get the learning. This happens on a daily basis too. We often observe ourselves repeating unloving patterns and continue to do so until we’re given the understanding needed to release them for good.
This is gold Megan ‘claim my beauty and amazingness as a woman from within first,’ such an important reminder to deeply appreciate and accept all the beautiful qualities women carry within first and the powerful reflection we offer other women when we chose to not hold back and shine in this way.
I agree Megan when we face every obstacle as an opportunity and a learning we are able to change our lives in many ways, and if for any reason we miss the learning another opportunity will present itself to us.
Wow. This makes me really appreciate how we are so loved. Everything that happens in life, the struggles and upsets and all – it’s all here to remind us one thing: that we are love.
I love that life presents us repeatedly with something we need to address until such time as we embrace the lesson within. Your hair cuts were indeed a blessing in exposing that it is not the outer package that makes us a woman.
This was interesting for me to read as on reflection I can see in the past how I have based a lot of who I am by how I look especially with hair so that when I had not so great hair days (which there were many) I allowed this to cloud the girl/women I truly was. Making this me instead of my essence. So it is a blessing that you had finally been able to see this in order to change it ‘Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears’
We are so much more than our hair, the size of our nose or the shape of our body. But all too often get tricked into thinking that we are identified and defined by our physical characteristics when we aren’t.
Great sharing Megan, showing us that there is gold to found in every situation if we can get over our reactions and look deeper.
Outsourcing our worth is so debilitating, recently I have been exposing another layer of this in my work. Needing my colleagues to recognise me as doing a great job and invested in doing it better than others gets in the way of meeting my client’s needs and just getting on with the job. When I let go of self my days flow so much more smoothly because I don’t judge any outcomes as being a reflection of my worth. I have always had an issue with providing case studies that feel like self promotion but what I am recognising is that I still have this tape going on in my head even if I am not overtly expressing it.
It is amazing when we can view obstacles in our lives as blessings and are open to learning whatever is there to be exposed. For me it has transformed my relationship with myself and others since I have stopped taking the victim stance in so many different parts of my life and become more honest about what is really going on when apparently random acts occur.
Letting go of pictures we hold about ourselves and the way we have to look is so liberating and healing as it allows our true beauty to shine through.
I agree Francisco. The more I appreciate myself for the qualities I have, the less fixated I am on my outer appearance. Even though I still want to look nice, I’m taking care of the inner me first.
I cannot but realise when we ‘outsource our worth’, it means we are totally dependent on others to build us up which in turn depreciates our true innate value – great blog Meagan.
It’s funny how we judge ourselves harshly and think that because of a bad hair day or bad haircut we think that our ‘femininity and expression as a woman’ has being compromised when in fact we are all so much more than that one mere aspect of us.
We women are so much more than what we look like on the outside….
It’s so true that things keep coming round again and again until we get whatever is being offered. With awareness of this fact we have a choice to care for ourselves and our wellbeing and our future as these present themselves or put it off till the next time.
True beauty and felinity comes from the inside out and not from the outside in as you so clearly nominate in you blog Megan. And only when we can appreciate this in full, the healing of our past experiences can be taken in full as we have identified ourselves with false images, images that where given to us because we where in doubt of who we truly were.
Great to revisit my journey of my hair cuts through your story Megan. I can so relate. I have found that when I am valuing myself, with confidence and connection, I am happy with how my hair frames me. But when I am not I feel my hair highlights the agitation or lack of me.
So true Megan, as women we place far too much emphasis on our outer appearance. I know if I am not feeling so great one day I notice I will apply more make-up or spend more time on my hair and what I will wear. Really this doesn’t change anything when we focus on the outer, learning to appreciate and accept myself has been an absolute game changer for me and the more we claim and live this the more we feel the true beauty that forever resides within us all.
‘There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face’. A truly great one-liner with universal application. Here in this blog, your own experience around the precarious nature of haircuts provides an opportunity for all women to appreciate that true self-worth and identity as a woman come from our relationship with how we are within.
“There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.”I absolutely agree with what you’ve shared here Megan. Thank you for the reminder to give myself the space and grace to feel what is being presented when an “obstacle” appears in my life.
I find the process of getting a haircut is a great reflection of my relationship with myself and people around me. How connected I am to myself reflects on my ability to communicate clearly what I would like to look like on the outside, and how confident I feel about showing that to the world.
Megan I love the way you saw the cyclical nature of the issue re-surfacing, inviting you to look more deeply into what was really at play. As a younger person I recall how important outer appearances were to my sense of self-worth; now I realise that the self-worth shines from within, and if I’m not feeling it, then nothing looks quite right anyway.
How wonderful life gives us constant opportunities to feel ourselves and our true nature and not once or twice but as much as we need to come back to our true value which is inside us. Last time I came home from the hairdresser not satisfied with the way she had cut my hair. Afterwards I realised I did not make it very clear to her how I wanted it and that this was something I had done lots of time to set myself up to blame the hairdresser and to go next time to another hairdresser. So I have had lots of hairdresser. This time I have chosen to go back the next day and told her exactly how I wanted it and I felt so much lighter and empowered by changing this pattern.
‘When I really took the time to feel deeply into what was coming up for me to look at, yet again, I realised I was making my expression as a woman, my styling, hair and make-up and how I am perceived as a result of that outward expression, the source of my true value.’ Every magazine is trying to let us believe this and we all have grown up with certain ideals and beliefs about our looks.
The hair is a big one for many women, when it come to how we look. A visit to the hairdresser often brings up comments regarding the hair being too thick, too thin, too straight, too curly etc and depending on how the hair is dictates how we are. They all carries meaning and the only way to put a ‘stop’ to the controlling and undermining thoughts are to challenge them and be willing as you have done Megan, to go deeper and expose what is really going on. Feeling deeper does bring a much lighter sense of ‘Being’ and a truthful celebration of who we really are (weighted down by the heavy locks or not).
“I had been outsourcing my worth!” This expression resonates with me Meagan. It is amazing how much power we give away by being so attached to the exterior. There is true beauty in the cyclical nature of our being, that a lesson missed is always offered again for us to learn from.
I love that a seemingly ‘bad haircut’ provides by way of opportunity the choice to look deeper again, revealingly who is actually there beneath the image, and that it is that reflection that when allowed, shines through all and any outer appearance.
Well said Megan, absolutely when we are prepared to go there, the wealth of wisdom available to us through our connecting and listening to what our body shares with us, is a treasure to truly nurture.
It is great to have the understanding that those problems that keep repeating themselves have a purpose. A purpose to take a closer look at why they are recurring and for us to learn and make different choices.
So true Mary, that with each time we choose to look at what is beneath an initial reaction or uncomfortable feeling induced, we are taking the opportunity to uncover the truth awaiting us within each experience. Ever deepening the connection to our innate Wisdom.
“It is truly astonishing how opportunities like this present themselves, then present again until we are ready to go there.” This I was observing my whole life – situations are coming back as long as I started to look deeper. So I learned that it is my choice to “listen” what the world presented me or to ignore it. And also if I chose not to listen the first time the second time is a bit clearer or shall I say more confronting . . .
“There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.” This is so true Megan. Reading your blog I couldn’t help but feel how deeply cherished we are and how God in his absolute love and commitment never ceases to communicate with us and never gives up on us. If we don’t ‘get it’ or we ignore his messages he persists until we do, ever offering opportunities for deeper love and connection.
It’s very inspiring to read how you were able to turn a difficult moment to a one of healing and evolution.
Most of the times I go a have my hair cut, I have a good feeling about it. This has not always be the case though. I recall two occasions when this was not the case. In both of them, I gave my power away. In one case, the damage was massive. I had almost not hair anymore. It was not pleasant to observe how damaging was the giving the power away (of course, I could always blame on the hairdresser). For a week or so, I avoided being seeing as much as possible. The question is why? In the past I would have answered because I looked ugly. Now I would answer differently. With more or less hair, nicer or not, it is me anyway, it all my loveliness anyway. Yet, it is a reflection of how much I did not hold myself in love. The mirror and other people’s eyes was only a confirmation of the lack of self worth this incident exposed big time.
I will hang on to, and be inspired by, your words here Megan after quite a disastrous hair cut last week.
“There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur”
I will look out for the amazing changes and the opportunity to expand, despite the hair!
I will hang on to, and be inspired by, your words here Megan after quite a disastrous hair cut last week.
“There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur”
I will look out for the amazing changes and the opportunity the expand, despite the hair!
I concur with whats been said Shirl, unpleasant situations or occurances offer great opportunities for greater awareness and growth
It is so true how we become identified with how we look, the perfect role models – actors, celebrities, musicians, etc. are showing us all that how we look is everything. Fortunately, as you have exposed Megan, there is something more to understand about the value we place on how we look. It took honesty and responsibility to understand the short haircut didn’t make you less, good thing is though, another short haircut would have come along if you didn’t get it!
An amazing presentation of an example of how we always have a choice to react to a situation presented and continue unabated in life by laying blame on another, or to react but then take responsibility for our role and use the opportunity to truly understand our reaction and the underlying reasons holding us back – for it always comes back to our own choices.
There is so much gold in this blog that it will be one I return to and read often. Brilliant Megan. Thank you for the honesty written here. It made me wonder whether I too had very long and what I found to be annoying hair for many years as a way of feeling feminine as this was something not truly felt within my body. I loved how you shared, ‘growing my hair was then loaded with an unconscious ideal that long hair meant I was feminine, protected, and in control of my expression as a woman.’ You clearly expose the trap many women go into to feel their femininity. Being connected to our femaleness and sacredness is a feeling that comes from within and isn’t laced with any ideals and beliefs and your blog beautifully articulates this.
I find myself in the same mindset as you and Megan – long hair being a sign of femininity and that it makes you beautiful and exotic. I always used to get thoroughly frustrated that all my friends and I used to have the same length hair, but now their’s are SO much longer than mine due to growth speed and that some just haven’t had in cut in around a year! What I’m realising is that hair does not have a ‘one size fits all’ style; we have to find what works right for us and feel confident with it.
There is a lot to learn each moment, in each cycle and to see how it comes back around each time is a blessing, as we get given the opportunity to heal and re-imprint our choices even with something so seeming trivial as a haircut can offer such a realisation about ourselves that can bring us back to connect to the true beauty within.
Agree Yasmin, we are constantly “given the opportunity to heal and re-imprint our choices” in every moment. If we are consciously present with everything we do and think, then every moment becomes an opportunity for healing as we continue to refine our choices and deepen the love that impulses our choices and thus ‘amazing changes’ continually occur.
Thank you for sharing and showing that what appears as a disaster is an opportunity to grow. If we grasp it, as you have Megan, it is so empowering and we evolve. “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.”
This is a great blog Megan, and one that I can also really relate too. I have had haircuts that have left me feeling distraught because the hairdresser has not done as I had asked. In recent years though I have come to understand that how we are within ourselves is key to how we ask someone to cut our hair, or anything else for that matter. I now have the experience of knowing that when I am super clear about what I want, I come out of the hairdressers with a gorgeous hair cut and feel amazing, but that my hair is simply a reflection of how I am on that day, and not a reflection of my inner beauty. We put so much emphasis on the outer, but as others have already shared, it is how we feel about ourselves inside that is the most important thing.
I love the learning you have shared. It brings so much understanding to the crazy stuff I see happening in the world. Like people getting addicted to plastic surgery, now I can see they may not actually be addicted to plastic surgery rather they keep finding a dissatisfaction in their appearance because they have become so focused on their outer appearance they have forgotten their inner self. So they keep driving themselves to reach an unattainable goal.
As women, we can go into such comparison about our hair, looking at others and feeling dissatisfied with our own. These days it is possible to have extensions to short hair, varying colour and different designs , and lots of people experiment with this throughout their lives. Is it for a change and a bit of fun, or is there a dissatisfaction underlying that we need to make ourselves feel better with a re-invention? I have always been very conservative with my hair and critisised myself as unadventurous and know it was because I didn’t want to draw attention to myself when I was younger. But maybe there’s also an acceptance there, that my hair is what it is. I know there is something more to ponder because I do feel different after a hair cut.
“There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face”. Like you Jy36, I also found this sentence powerful and healing. If we see everything that comes to us in life as being energy first and we accept that we are responsible for everything that comes to us, then everything that comes to us is a learning to either repeat and deepen that which is from Love, or to discard that which is not from Love. Either way, the learning is always there on offer.
I have always had long or very short hair phases throughout my life too Rosemary, and been very aware of how it was the ‘image’ I was going for, or the feeling I thought was freedom to be me. Now, in my older age, my hair is no longer the texture or thickness that it was, and I have learned that it is not how it looks that matters, it is how I feel from the inside about myself. So now it is very short, appropriate for its condition, and also for me, as it actually suits me, and I don’t think that is ‘by chance’, it is because I felt what was true for me with no attachment to how others would react.
I have just recently been to a new hairdresser and she cut my hair really very short, way shorter than what I had requested. I remembered this blog and realised I had the choice to just let it go, know that my hair will grow, that my hair is just that and not a reflection of my inner being, who I really am. So thank you!
Yes the same applied to me too Raegan, but I had my hair thinned too much. The ‘disaster’ i experienced with my hair not looking/falling right turned out (in time ha ha) to provide an opportunity and space for me to appreciate the voluminousness of my hair as opposed to keeping this at bay…rather like my expression (!)
‘Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth!’ What an amazing sentence! It made me realise just how much the world asks us to do this – to follow fashion in how we look, dress, have our hair, what size and shape our body is. What a set up to try and take us away from connecting to just how tender, feminine, gentle and lovely we already are on the inside!
A lovely sharing with us Megan – this morning I woke up with ‘bed hair’ but instead of indulging in an old pattern of ‘what will others think’ I feel more inspired by what this new day will bring.
After reading your blog Megan, I can feel now how in the past I had held onto an ideal of a beautiful woman being one who had long flowing hair, and I had not been so attracted to shorter haired women. What I realize now is that I had been excluding opportunities to connect with and accept anyone regardless of their external appearances. This came to a head (pun intended) when my wife cut her long hair very short and I had to deal with my silly ideals directly (like one of those opportunities to heal that you mentioned in your blog, Megan). With the help of Universal Medicine practitioners over the years, I have been able to connect more deeply with the true love that I feel for not only my wife, but everyone I interact with, regardless of their outer appearances. I can see more clearly the light and beauty inside them before I even really notice their physical traits.
I have never heard of a female version of Samson from the bible, but I have now and a modern day one at that! If our strength is held in our outer appearance, how easily it is taken away from us! Every time we look in a mirror and feel a twinge of disappointment or desire to be different, it is showing us we are not truly connected to our beautiful essence within us. Great Megan that you have recognised such indicators as a blessing.
Thank you Megan, this is an amazing blog. I certainly remember having what I thought were bad hair dos and feeling like it was the end of the world! How beautiful it is for us now to know how beautiful we are inside and it no longer feels like it is the end of the world when our hair isn’t quite how we’d like it to be!
“There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur” Megan this is great – your reflection about unpacking “outsourcing of self worth” is so healing for both the great experiences and not so great experiences. I find connection with others and mutual respect shifts volumes of ‘stuff’ – when not connected to self – I can become just an empty vessel – with a bad haircut!
What a great blog, and pertinent topic for our times. Many people will relate to it I have no doubt, myself included. Our obsession with image and how we look has been one of the many aspects of us that has caused a festering in comparison and self worth issues. Despite what may be thought, our appearance is not what defines us. As Serge Benhayon has presented, and can be felt in the hearts of all people, what defines us is our choices and the quality of being that results from our choices.
Wow Reagan I can certainly relate to what you have shared here how we get so caught up with externalizing our self worth and value by our exterior when within us we hold such beauty when we truly connect and begin to understand the rich quality of femaleness our true femininity and quality of our self worth, fills us up from the inside out then we could never be compromised by how we look.
How lovely that you had a second opportunity to receive the message these haircuts were offering you. To look at you as the woman internally not how the woman looks on the outside.
“…when I made a choice to not hold back what I already know as a woman.” This is gold. Looking out for role models, inspiration and ideas of how to look and be, when deep inside we know it and have it all already. It is a mad world we have created when we seek outside for anything which, in truth, falls way short of what we already have within!
Loved reading your article Megan. The cyclical nature of things is continually reinventing similar situations until we are ready to take a deeper look at ourselves and the lessons that are presented for us to learn and heal from, what a true blessing, and how beautifully are we always held and supported through life!
I love the term “outsourcing my worth”; it really hits the nail on the head and describes how readily we can subscribe to the notion that our worth is dependent on how we look, what we do and all the myriad of things that are seemingly there to identify us back in some way, from the outside in rather than the other way around.
I am loving this phrase as well, Gabriele – it is so punchy and says it all really for me. I have invested many years in “outsourcing my worth” but can now feel that how I am in my innermost is what is reflected to the world and the clothes and hair are extensions of my expression and not the source.
Men too can have an investment in a woman’s looks. The media encourage us to fall in love with a romantic notion of a partner rather than a true connection with the real man or woman that’s there before us. Then it’s easy to fall into self-doubt and make yourself less instead of claiming the woman you are no matter what.
I Love what you share here Megan, so profound.
“Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.” Beautifully expressed and I absolutely agree when you say “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.”
There is indeed meaning and blessings to all obstacles and I have found that the more an event stands out in my life by any reaction I have in my body, the more there is to explore. I used to run away from this but now I have a willingness to jump in and see and feel what is truly there.
“the more an event stands out in my life by any reaction I have in my body, the more there is to explore.” This part stopped me in my tracks just then. We have a choice in every moment to respond or react – the greater the reaction is there to offset the greater response that we can choose to make instead. And as Megan shared these events and what is there to feel keep coming back to us, we don’t escape them so we might as well respond to them. Thank you.
This resonates deeply in me Johanna, as we are much more than our outer appearance.
The cyclical nature shared here is important. We are always given opportunities, and repeated ones at that, to heal and re-imprint our choices. There a lot to be learned in each moment, in each cycle, and to see how it comes back round each time is a blessing.
Yes, if we don’t look at and address what presents to us for healing it will come back time and time again, until we are ready to heal it: ‘It is truly astonishing how opportunities like this present themselves, then present again until we are ready to go there. I missed the opportunity to feel more into this the first time in London, but by nature of the cyclical world that we live in, I was given another chance at going there.’ Great that you understood this this time Megan, and did not have to have another ‘opportunity’.
“Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.”
This is a great sentence ( or rather so much more than a sentence). Something seemingly so trivial as a haircut that can offer is such a realisation about ourselves. Incredible. And the learning and awareness offered to us by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is remarkable.
A great point Simon – if we don’t have a true foundation of self worth, anything can knock us out, because we will immediately react to the outer world and choose our own ingrained patterns of bringing ourselves down. We don’t even stop for a moment, it all happens on autopilot.
When we truly stop and feel into the ‘why’ things happen or are presented to us, we can start to grow more deeply into recognizing the power and amazingness of our own inner beauty. Megan, I can feel the magnitude of your growth between the first ‘disastrous’ haircut and the second one a few years later — recognising, and being truthful and honest with your growth, you can now claim your true expression: “Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.”
I remember when i made the decision to go from long blonde hair to very short. The hairdresser tried to get me to change my mind. She said that i would regret it. She initially refused to cut my hair and then cut it half-way off. I told her to keep going as i had already claimed the short hair for myself and was clear in my choice. It ended up with me counselling the hairdresser who admitted she felt great pressure to produce the perfect hairstyles for clients and have these accepted. Her experience was that people identify with their hair as i did once and can be at a loss when the hair has gone. In the end, the hairdresser enjoyed cutting my hair as she could feel the great joy in my letting go of a false me – one that formerly believed how i looked would make me feel worthwhile but always fell well short.
I love the phrase ‘outsourcing my worth’! It perfectly sums up exactly what it is. Why continue to outsource when we have all the right ‘tools and experience’ ourselves (in fact we were born with them)? They may feel a little outdated or rusty from lack of use but with the right support we can hone those skills once again and eventually eliminate the need to outsource for our worth any longer.
Thanks for sharing your story Megan – on the haircut note, I have amazing hair and always seem to get compliments so what is my relationship with my top hair?
I take care of it and appreciate it when I wash it, condition it and dry it. I have learned to accept that my fringe is not always how I like it but it really is no big deal and gets no press coverage (that means I don’t bang on about it) pun intended.
I say to my hairdresser “you do what you feel” and then walk out with a new cut. I trust them as they know what they are doing and if I get involved with a certain picture or idea of what I think I want, I have lost the plot.
The biggest gift that I have now with my hair is the relationship with my local hairdressers which is a big deal. Having used celebrity hairdressers for almost 20 years, I chose to go local and we are like a family. I know them all and they refer to me as “our Bina” when they talk about me. I know many of the other customers and I pop in when I pass by at least twice a week. We always have meaning in our conversations and this is why the relationship is real. I never thought it would be possible but it sure is.
I must admit I have had my fair share of bad haircuts and some really great ones also. And in fact I recently had my hair cut and some playful comments I received when getting home went along the lines of ‘you look like a 80’s rock band’ and ‘it looks like a mullet’, which at the time I could see the funny side as I even thought it looked like a Rod Stewart type hair do.
During the next day I could observe my old pattern of negative thoughts trying to take me down that route of putting too much emphasis on how my hair looked, but I wasn’t having any of it and I just kept telling myself ‘I am more than just my hair’ and two days on I am enjoying the way my hair looks.
“Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.” I love the powerful revelations presented when we are willing to take responsibility and start to look deeper into the choices we make and how we are always masters of our lives.
I can really relate to losing my rhythm and essentially who I am so then I allow myself to be buffeted from one person’s approval of me to another’s! Or, even more crazy, is being buffeted from one belief I hold of myself to another without the foundation of me at the helm. I used to live like this constantly and felt constantly overwhelmed.
When I do choose to look after myself I start to feel me again I can be my own counsel. I realise I could really turn up the volume on choosing to love myself and discover how much I can actually deal with everything presented to me in my day.
With the core foundation of actually I am all 100% alright and we all are, I can then look at anything that needs addressing and not shy away from for fear of feeling any shame or judgement of how I’ve behaved.
“I was so wrapped up in the identification of growing it – however, I started to feel an uneasy sense of being identified by my hair.” It is when we identify ourselves with something outside ourselves that we will always be feeling like something is missing. I for long thought being a woman meant wearing skirts and yes long hair. That has changed now and I can feel my femininity comes from my body, from inside me. I am also deeply inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
Megan this has been such a great support in helping me to understand what my daughter goes through with her hair. I just did not ‘get it’ but feel I can better support her now with more love, understanding and self-worth!
Yes there have been many tears from bad haircuts and yes hairdressers, like all professionals, have a deep responsibility to connect with their clients. however I find it really fascinating how as women we have become so fixated on the outer that it can ruin how we feel on the inside. “I’m having a bad hair day” is a common expression used when we are feeling off – no attempt at looking deeper as to why! The pandemic of only focusing on the outer at the expense of the inner has truly crippled the natural deeply loving expression of women. There is such strength and power in a woman who truly nurtures herself inside out that I am in the wonder of it and yet it should be considered the norm, for that is how the normal for women really is.
I love what you say here Michelle. We seem to have a way of expression that is a shorthand, as in “I’m having a bad hair day” – and by shortening our expression the true depth of expression is lost and no true connection is made. It has as you say ‘truly crippled the natural deeply loving expression of women’ and thereby robbed mankind of what is a truly beautiful and healing way of being that allows us as women to bloom and grow and thereby offering this expression to the world.
The process of nurturing and expressing our depth of tenderness and divinity is a way of life that enhances every aspect of our lives and serves to inspire and offer the world a different set of values that are sustainable and forever deepening and infinite.
That was a truly powerful statement that you made near the end, for every obstacle does lead to an awesome opportunity to evolve more amazingly, if we feel it. Thank you Megan.
I like the way you explain how your intent behind growing your hair impacted on you in the months and years ahead. It just showed me how the intent behind my choice to grow my hair in my twenties and into my thirties (which was indifference and avoidance of expression) was lived out my me during that time. Thank you Megan.
This is interesting, Megan, because through your blog I start to feel how much I give power away to the style of my hair. Thank you for that.
“Outsourcing my worth.” What a great term to encapsulate how many women only value themselves by what is displayed on the outside. And when this is taken away as in your case with your hair, how devastating it is. I can relate to having a few of those bad haircuts and feeling totally ill at ease until my hair grew back again. What a great blog to remind us that our true worth is not in our looks.
That is so true simonwilliams8. I have noticed the exact same thing. I know when I feel overwhelmed and all out at sea, its because I’ve lost my rhythm and have not been looking after myself. My key areas to watch are eating the wrong foods and pushing myself to work longer hours than my body can really cope with.
It is curious that we would seek confirmation of our worth and validation from outside of us
when we already are a stupendous everything, naturally so.
I really could feel the shift you made with feeling deeper into the gift of the two hair cuts, realizing, that you have given your worth as a woman away. And immediately in the moment of claiming your worth back, the haircut, style ore any clothing is diminished to just adoration of the beauty you are. I can feel this through reading and know it also from personal experience or through experiencing other women claiming back the true beauty, they are. It is so wonderful to witness. I also know to be identified with the length of my hair, as I had a time in my life, I was so down, that I did not want to live any longer. But I decided to give it a try for another 5 years. Than I cut my hair off (nearly completely) it was a sign for a new beginning for me. Afterwards I let my hair grew and the longer they became, the more I felt my new commitment to life. They became very long and I was very identified with them to be female through long hair. Than I had a period of time, when my long hair wasn’t really me anymore, it didn’t look good anymore, but I held on to the length, until I realized, that it was really time to let go of the hair and the kind of contract I had made through letting them grow with committing to life. Now my hair is short, I love it and I don’t need my hair and look anymore to feel the commitment to life – that’s beautiful.
An obstacle stops us and we are given an opportunity to look deeper to see what’s there to be revealed … this is a true blessing for us to learn our life lessons and for us to appreciate how we are lovingly given the opportunity over and over until we get the message.
I might also add that from all you have shared Megan, your ‘worst’ haircut has possibly been your best – things are not always what they initially seem. Had you got the haircut you wanted you may well have continued to ‘outsource’ your worth and we all would be none the wiser to the gems you have here offered and that we can so relate to.
I love your comment Megan ‘Outsourcing my worth’, this is so easily done and many of us do this without even thinking about it. It is so ingrained in us to look outside of ourselves for that recognition, that confidence, that sense of self worth. I have travelled that well beaten track most of my life. Less so today, but it does come up at times depending on the situation and i have to really come back to myself and say ‘hey no, there is not truth to what those voices are saying to you’ (in my head of course), but to challenge them and throw them out. This helps build a deeper awareness and connection with myself and build an honouring of what i know is deep within my heart, that i am divine and incredibly amazing today, not tomorrow, not when i am a few kgs lighter or when i know this or that. But today! No outsourcing of my worth here anymore.
I love how you have signed off on this blog Megan:
“There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.”
An obstacle can only be a hindrance if we fall down before it in a heap of self-pity and say it is so. Instead, if we choose to stand tall and feel what is on offer, there is not only no mountain to climb, there is a whole landscape of new terrain on offer on which to walk.
Ariana, I had never thought about it like this, that it is a choice to love ourselves or not, just like it is a choice for us to eat chocolate or not and we can do it just a little, enough to change where we were at and continue to look out to find approval. Or, we can love ourselves in full, we can make a choice to appreciate and accept ourselves and love without reservation. It is a choice.
That’s a point, Jinya, which shows that whatever we do affects others. I feel the art of being a hairdresser is to connect with the client and feel into what style resonates with who they are. But it must put more pressure on the hairdresser if the client is not clear about what they want or if they have some ideal about how they want to look, especially if it is not truly an expression of who they are. I imagine this might make many a hairdresser anxious about producing the ‘right’ result and that will of course affect the haircut!
This is a very cool blog, awareness and insights on our relationship with our hair, which is not just the hair, but our looks, self-worth and identification. Ive been there too, crying and devastated after a haircut that put an end to a 2 years of hair growth! Tough! I went into justifying and explaining to everybody what happened to me…so as to make sure they knew I was aware that I didnt look great. OMG, so much disconnection to my inner powerful beauty and confidence. Today I have a short hair and I can sense old thoughts and feelings of ‘not feminine enough, weird, etc…’ coming back and contributing to a restlessness However I have no doubt that my beauty has nothing to do with my haircut and the frizz it might have.
It is me connecting to my stillness, at the best of my ability, that gives me the easiness to feel comfortable in myself, and then the beauty and grace comes out.
I love how life has an amazing way of reflecting to us exactly what we need. Megan just from that one bad haircut you got to learn so much about yourself and have grown so much from that one experience. Thank you for sharing with us. You are awesome 🙂
It is always a choice and no one can do it for us, they can only inspire us to be all who we are .. this is EXACTLY what Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and Universal Medicine practioners do.
Megan, I can so relate to the disappointment of a hair cut and in the past I have had radical new hair cuts just before important events and been devastated by the results. What you share here is a beautiful nugget of how we put so much importance on our outer appearance rather than focusing on what is already within.
I have returned to your blog again, just to share what a support this sharing has been in my process of acceptance and building the relationship with myself from the inside out.
Yes Monika we are truly supported all of the time though we may not fully appreciate to what extent. Like you say if we miss the learning the first time life simply gives us another opportunity over and over until we are willing to be very honest with ourselves and receive the lesson.
Yes that is it arieljoymuntelwit, trying to fit an image of what we have been sold as to what a beautiful or sexy woman looks like.. often portrayed as someone with long flowing locks of hair. It is our radiating essence as you have felt that expresses our true beauty. Thanks for sharing.
Coming to that awareness is awesome and super inspiring Megan. It actually connected me back to my youth as a man when I had a similar identification with my hair. I had long hair through most of my teens but there was a period I had shorter hair with a long tail (called a rat’s tail at the time). In class at school one day a kid came up from behind with scissors and cut it off. This experience left me feeling deeply upset and violated so looking back now I can see how much I was identified with my hair and all outer appearances. Our conditioning within society around outer appearances is so deep that it has crippled many leaving us at the mercy of the outer… that is of course until we re-connect to our true innermost essence and live life from that.
Awesome blog Megan. Having a haircut is pretty common thing but when things go wrong, like your experience, you have shared how you reacted and then your choice to look deeper into what it brought up was incredible. It is so lovely to read how honest and open you were with yourself and how you have with time developed an awareness of what you were identified with and letting them go is extremely inspiring. It doesn’t have to be the major events or situations that can bring us the most amazing healing and learning. What you chose to deal with the second time round was amazing to read. Thank you.
You are absolutely gorgeous Megan, I had to go have a peak on Facebook to see your hair but was so captured by your embracing of the sacred feminine beauty we each have inside. The look in your eyes says it all! Your beauty shines from within and your hair cut expresses that fully.
I feel like most people, men and women alike have grown up with an investment in their looks, as recognition is a number one source of ‘love’ (in the emotional sense). Even now I am still aware of dressing for others, wondering what they would like me to wear so I get a compliment or positive appraisal. We way our beauty on the external yet true beauty is found within. Thank you for sharing your awareness in this Megan, a true blessing to feel the healing on offer in all experiences.
Megan – what a great practical understanding of what we do: “Basically, I had been out sourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.” We are so much more on the inside than what is covering this up. That is we need skin, hair etc. as part of our physical being but there is so much more underneath we don’t even tape into because we stay focused on the surface. I can draw so many analogies at this moment. An ignited nadi is one, rather than a shut down chakra.
It is very common that people continually seek their worth from the outer, or use the outer as a disguise, a type of bandaid to not feel the misery of not being in connection with the joy of the inner heart and love. I can relate to predominately being like this in the past. For me, now – I have found that the time and dedication I give myself to develop and unfold the beauty of my inner self, holds me presently and confidently in knowing who I am in life and I no longer need to rely on my hair or dress or looks to put up the fascade. But now the way I do my hair, dress or look gorgeously reflects the loving care I have taken with myself.
This also resonated with me too. I am so appreciative and feel very blessed that even the tricky or uncomfortable situations are there to present a particular reflection to us, offering us the opportunity to heal something or a way of being in our lives. . . Just as the amazing and lovely moments and situations offer the opportunity to feel confirmed in who we are.
I like that Alexis, swapping the word obstacle for blessing. When I hit that wall, or difficult situation that is asking me to be more, I often give up or walk away, but seeing it as a blessing to grow and develop strength and commitment is an inspiration to keep going.
I love how you say ‘I had been outsourcing my worth’ – i really got that, how I have been seeing my make-up, clothes and hair as the things that make me a woman, and that I use to express as a woman, but that these things aren’t actually me, they are still outside of me, even if only just – so its still outsourcing my worth and who I am as a woman – for before make-up, clothes and a once hairstyle, I am still a woman, so it must be deeper than that.
I agree – and for me I must say what makes me a women is almost completely unchartered water. I can feel that there are qualities I bring that go far deeper than the skin, and expressing them are what truly makes me a women, however its like knowing you have super powers and not using them, as I have yet to really get to grips and explore what it means to live like that.
Hi Megan, I love your article – and it has certainly stuck a cord for me. I too have walked out feeling deeply disappointed after having my hair cut, and this has happened several times, but I must admit that I have never explored it as an attachment to the outer and my feeling and looking feminine! It makes sense what you say, and yet in me I feel a little tantrum happening and saying ‘but I wanted it (haircut) to look different!’. I have also felt that there are those hairdressers who just cut your hair and then there are those that cut your hair with respect and care – but no matter which cuts your hair ‘wrong’ you can still feel disappointed in the end result, only you feel more ‘respected’ with the latter. Being a student at the time, I also recall the gutting feeling of having to fork out what I felt was a large amount of money to pay the person who had just butchered my hair!
I can see how this can be about an attachment to looking a particular way and as a woman especially being attached to looking feminine. In fact the very first time that I cut my hair short, I got called ‘sir’ mistakenly several times – which was so depressing to have happen to me in my early 20’s. After these incidents it felt like I had to wear makeup to make sure that people knew I was a woman. Though it did not stop me from keeping short hair, thank goodness.
Henrietta, I like the point you make about different hairdressers and the care or lack of care that can be present. I have very curly hair, I remember when I was 14 I went for my first proper salon haircut (it was 10 times thicker and frizzier than it is now due to puberty). I had been smoking too much pot and mucking around at a friends house and had told them to cut my pony tail off, they did but they had hacked it with blunt scissors. I went to the salon so they could neaten it up, I was already shocked by the fact that I had gone from extremely long hair to relatively short hair but I like the way it looked too. I gave the hairdresser only one instruction “Do not give me an 80s triangle bob cut” I swear she must not have heard the DO NOT at the start of that sentence as I walked out of there looking like a african american sister in a rap video from the earlier 80s, all I needed was a pair of overalls and Mc Hammer next to me to complete the scene. Crying, I decided to never trust another hairdresser with my curly hair as they seem to cut it wet like a straight persons hair, then it would slowly dry into a massive afro.
When I got home I cried and hacked at my hair until it was nearly all gone but at least the 80s cut was gone too. It literally took me 6 years before I let a hair dresser near my hair again even for a trim and the trauma was so much that each time my hair was cut I would cry. As I grew older and begun the esoteric work I realised my hair looked unhealthy and I needed to open up and trust again, I found hairdressers that would listen to the things that I knew about my hair rather than just impose a look or style on to me that they thought was going to look good. I found hairdresser that specialised in curly hair and cut it dry so that you could see what was happening. Although making sure you were not imposed upon was important the truth was I was still attached to something outside defining me, if my hair was bad my day was bad. Its crazy to give our power away to some dead stuff that grows out of our sculls.Over the amazing powerful woman we are.
Those days are gone, I love going to the hairdressers now, thank god and Universal Medicine I am free from identifying my outer as all I am!!
Beautifully said paulmoses39, when I can see life in this way as you describe, I actually enjoy the revelations and awareness that comes from realisation of the hurts. It is indeed a beautiful life when I welcome every moment as an opportunity to grow and heal.
Deeply inspiring Megan, thank you. From my own experience I know it to be true that each and every time I ‘outsource my worth’ I come away worse off.
I agree David, worlds away is the endless need to fill up when from the outside in, to the depth of appreciation awaiting to be explored and felt from our inner source – an unfathomable worth!
Powerful quote…”There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face;” I can feel this experience in my life, nowadays I am able to find something to learn in what life shares with me rather than going into anger or frustration. I know sometimes it is tricky and I do find myself feeling uneasy, however this does not change the fact that there is always something amazing to learn. The ‘nugget’ that you found through pondering what your situation meant for you was awesome, a life changing awakening and claiming of your true expression as a woman.
Absolutely Brendan, I too am sure most men and women can relate to this very honest and cracking statement.
Cherise, this is very true – it is utterly crazy how we have learnt to search outside to feel better within, when in truth we are all already sacred and stunning from the beginning.
Megan, what you have shared is something very important – no matter how stubbornly we try to ignore the opportunities for healing and true growth in our lives, whether it comes as an obstacle or illness etc. – it will return again and again until we are willing to look at the root cause of it.
This blog is quite revealing with regards to the importance we place on a hair cut and how it affects our appearance. I experienced something similar when I went bald. I found this traumatic at the time, as the fashion for men was long hair and so the images in the media were of men with long flowing hair, and I was losing mine. It wasn’t until I started claiming myself (and the inner beauty I have) in full, that I began placing less emphasis on “..how the outer shell appears.”
What I have discovered for myself is that the more a situation or person seems to challenge me, the more there is around to learn. The only thing I have to do is to be totally honest and open up to look at truly everything that is there to be looked at. Massive changes have resulted from that.
That’s a really great way of looking at it Michael – I’ve never thought of it like that! When someone or something is challenging or difficult, instead of reacting and bringing up issues, we can just address it as something to learn…. and as you say; the more challenging, the more to learn. Thanks for sharing!
My last haircut was such fun, really playfull and a lovely experience because we both explored together, as equals, how it felt best. I had 4-5 inches cut and I felt so much lighter. A few of my friends, all men, asked me not to cut my hair because they liked it so much as it was but they don’t seem to love me any less now my long hair is gone. It’s amazing how much stock we can put on our outward appearance and yet we all know that this is not what we truly love in another.
As a guy who used to have long, rock n roll hair, and having had to come to terms with the simple fact that my hairline was making a bee-line for my heels, I can relate to this blog. It always amazes me how much value we place on the outside of ourselves looking a certain way and how disproportionately we give that outer appearance more weight than what is going on inside of us. Cliche as it is, a beautiful exterior does not make up for an unloving interior.
Great point Michelle and Kehinde.
“Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth” this is huge Megan and something worth pondering on. In how many ways and how many area’s am I still reliant on confirmation or acceptance? Especially in my expression of a woman and in all the grandness that I am.
Is it fully me or are there still bits and pieces being fed by the media, the way other people respond or react..? I can feel there are still holes to be filled, but it is my choice to not fill them from outside but from the exquisite beauty I hold within. It feels amazing to make the choice to keep looking deeper and deeper to where my expression is not yet completely from my soul.
You write about one of the most common things to occur to a woman Megan, it is great to start the conversation about this. I too have cried like a baby, not once but many times over a haircut (and I am a hairdresser by trade). But it is as you say not so much about the hair but the expectations we walk in with, and that certain look that we are determined to achieve because surely that would make our life better. There is so much pressure we put on ourselves and others as women which is so far from the truth of who we really are.
Yes, it’s the expectation we place on outer improvements to bring us something – whether it be a new outfit, new makeup, new hair, new diet or a new look… we can fall into the trap of thinking that these things mean that we are more, better, or they will make our life better. I’ve learnt that it is only in deepening within myself and allowing out more of the real me that brings real evolution and change.
Love the fact that behind every obstacle there is an opportunity for healing. Thankyou so much for bringing this to attention. Great post Megan.
Thank you for this reminder Megan. It could be so easy to spend a lifetime ‘outsourcing our worth’ as women – we have all the resources in the world in order to not actually source from within… makeup, hair, nails, fitness, an increasing array of cosmetic products and procedures, roles, abilities, talents etc.etc.etc.
And yet no outsourcing in this world can compare to the quality of worth that fills us up from the inside out, infusing every cell of our being with the divine value we hold.
Spoken like a woman who lives and breathes it in every cell. Thank you Kylie.
I love this blog Megan I can relate to it even though I have never had long hair I have related other outer physical attributes to my worth as a woman. As you discovered true beauty shines from within us when we truly love and appreciate ourselves.
Megan I really would like to have had your wisdom ,many years ago when I had a few bad hair cuts. To have taken time to look at what this must have meant to you and find the answer is wonderful, thank you for the words of wisdom and they are definitely words I will take on after my next not so pleasing hair cut . I realise that this can apply to almost any area of life too.
Megan, I share a similar ‘hair’ story as your own and resonate with much with what you have expressed. Many years ago I realised that I had linked my long hair with feeling OK in the world, so much, that I didn’t change the style for 15 years. My hair made me feel safe. Then one day I decided that enough was enough and I cut it short in a funky style. In fact, I played around with a lot of styles over the last decade and have again grown my hair long but without all the ideals and beliefs attached. I discovered we are beautiful whether our hair is long or short – just look into your eyes – that’s where our beauty shines the most.
The amount of pressure put on women to define themselves and their worth by their looks is quite extraordinary and can create a drive that only suppresses the connection to the true beauty that lies within. So it is so just beautiful to read that you have been able to see these experiences as a blessing exposing what is not true and offering you an opportunity to see that a deeper relationship with your inner beauty and expression of that is needed, for your true femininity could never be compromised by how you look. Gorgeous.
Yes Heidi, great point ‘you were given a second chance to clear this.’ Often we find in life that things seem to repeat themselves and as Megan mentioned its cyclical, it comes back and each time we get the opportunity to do it differently, but not in a superficial way, but by going into honesty and seeing what is going on here, and in this we naturally start to come back to our essence as we get real with ourselves.
Beautifully said Ariel. ‘….so you now you are more than just your looks.’ It’s a fickle life when we rely on our looks….when we go beyond our skin and into our hearts this depth is constantly within us…
What a great sharing Megan and i’m confident to say that many of us, i certainly can relate to what you have shared, for you it was hair, for others it may be body shape etc….But the point is how we externalise our self worth and value by our exterior, when within us we hold as you so beautifully expressed a nugget of gold!…when we truly connect and start to understand that deep within each one of us is a rich quality of femaleness that when we live from there, we start to feel our inner beauty and our external looks start to emanate that inner quality and everyone is beautiful..…i too am developing this – that my worth is beyond any external fleeting look etc…our value within is the richness of femaleness – beauty, power and grace which is priceless…as i am discovering in my unfoldment as a woman.
Your last sentence so beautifully encompassed everything that had been unfolding in your life, Megan. How amazing to be able to feel deep within ourselves that ”There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur’. As we allow ourselves the awareness to truly feel into what is happening in our lives we gain a whole new perspective on life and become more open as each change occurs.
It is so true how a hair cut we feel disappointed with can bring about a feeling of lack of confidence and wanting to hide. I remember it well many times, that excruciating feeling of being seen and judged, and wanting to hide away. Since becoming a student of Universal Medicine, and learning to build a stronger foundation of myself as a beautiful woman, my experience is very different. Now I can claim myself in the actual appointment and be present while my hair is being cut, rather than letting the hair cut happen. Also, how I feel about myself inside is far more important than how I look.
It is common for men, too. One of the worst aspects of moving house for me was always finding a new hairdresser. There is such a huge disparity between a great one and others but you can’t see it from their looks.
So I thought to myself as I read through the comments and reflected on this awesome blog – we all have our photos posted on these sites and how many of us worry about our hair style, length and colour more than our eyes when choosing to present ourselves to the outside world? I for one put my hand up as a man and say that I’m one of those people. And I absolutely endorse the sentence that there is ‘potential to heal behind every obstacle we face’. So much being expressed here.
How exposing it can be when something like a bad haircut can have such a devastating effect. We all know it shouldn’t matter, but it brings up so much stuff. What an amazing opportunity for healing.
Jenny, your comment that ‘true inner beauty and worth is also reflected on the outside’ is spot on. There are many women who are not classically beautiful or pretty who are stunning, as that inner beauty is celebrated and shines for all to see.
Thank you Megan for the reminder of “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.” It is difficult at times to see life this way but I am learning more and more this is the only way as this is when the healing happens and I am then not faced with these ‘obstacles’ anymore.
This is very true Mary, ‘When we visit a hairdresser we are asking someone else to be responsible for our appearance so it is easy to blame them if we don’t like what we see in the mirror’, I always thought that the hairdresser knew best and so would always ask them how they thought I should get my hair cut, writing this now I can feel how I gave my power away to the hairdresser and instead of it being a playful, fun time to experiment and express myself it was always a painful, uncomfortable experience and I never remember coming out of the hairdressers feeling great. It is different nowadays I am starting to enjoying having my hair cut, it feels lovely to say how I would like my hair cut and styled now.
Love Love Love this Megan, you brought it right back to truth and this last sentence is something that should be studied. “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.”
Yes Samantha, i am fully with you on this, if we look at our lives as one big education full of blessings, we are constantly healing and developing and brings a whole new meaning to life…with amazing changes in the most ordinary of ways….from haircut devastation to
a sense of true self worth is life changing.
Absolutely Alexis, obstacles are met with judgement and self indulgence, in contrast a blessing is full of opportunity & greater understanding.
I can really relate to feeling imposed upon in hairdressing salons Kathleen. I stopped going to hairdressers for years and just had someone come to my house to give me a quick trim because I felt so uncomfortable, firstly having to look in the mirror for so long which I usually avoided at all costs and also because I handed my power over to whoever was cutting my hair rather than expressing what I wanted. I have recently had the beautiful experience of working with another esoteric student over a series of visits to transform my hairstyle and it has been such a profound healing for me of past experiences and an opportunity to celebrate myself as a woman as well as having lots of fun doing it.
Very true Elizabeth, Megan has place before us a huge gem in the understanding that the challenges we face in life are there to actually support us to grow not punish us. When we are able to view obstacles and challenges in this way, we have already made a shift within. Taking the next step to find what it is we are holding onto that keeps us pinned in a particular view point, position or frame of mind can support us to relinquish many un-necessary beliefs and ideals that keep us away from who we truly are. It is an inspiring way to view life and all the events within it, golden opportunities to heal ourselves.
I found this too Michelle. A great haircut is a partnership and getting involved. Giving our power away by sitting down in a chair, and in a daze is asking for disappointment and tears.
Awesome how life re-presents these opportunities for us to learn and evolve. To realise this is in my view a wonderful place to get to. I can’t really comment on haircuts, but absolutely know that our true worth comes from within us and not our outer appearance.
Beautifully said Richardmills363, ‘absolutely know that our true worth comes from within us and not our outer appearance’. I agree with you. Sadly, I feel that the world we live in today focuses too much on our outer appearance, using it to judge each other and our own self-worth. It is incredible and refreshing to read about people like Megan who are starting to break away from identification with outer appearance and begin truly connecting to the inner beauty that already resides within us all.
Megan, there have been so many times in my life when I have walked out of a hair salon and just felt, well, traumatised really. By the cut itself, by not being listened to, and then by how I looked. It was always a great drama in my life and the self-talk I would use against myself afterwards was always pretty appalling – using the hair cut to tell myself that I was not what I was supposed to be. Horrible really when I recall those days. But you are absolutely right when you talk about investing in an outer image to find a sense of who we are as woman. This sense, as you have described so well, does actually come from within and no outer place or appearance can replace that. This is something that I am learning about every day and it never ceases to amaze me the depths of beauty that we can go to as a women when we are connected to ourselves as people first.
I wear my hair cut short and natural, very rare these days for Black women. At times I questioned if the cut was too short or too masculine, but then realised that how I felt inside was more important than the cut. One of the reasons I kept it short was because of the time it takes to plait it, nightly, to keep it conditioned and soft. So I’m taken by your hairdresser’s wisdom that looking after long hair would give us more time with ourselves.
Megan i feel your experience is something many women can relate. I too have been in a process of letting go of what my outer shell looks like as I age. I keep discovery more false ideals about what I think it means to be an attractive woman on the way. I can feel an embracing your wrinkles blog coming on from all that you have so honestly shared in this post.
Simply expressed, powerful and true Vicky.
It is interesting, as you had said that we are constantly being presented with things we need to address that are as plain as our face in the mirror… or the hair on our head. How many more obveious opportunities are we missing that is keeping us from building that deeper relationship with ourselves?
“Outsourcing my worth,” describes what women in general do. It was only when I learned to re-connect with myself through the support of Universal Medicine that I learned to love and value myself and stop giving my worth away.
I have so been there too, leaving my self-worth, confidence, and how beautiful I look, completely at the mercy of my hair cut and wether I like it or not. Of course no one else ever thought my hair looked bad, so very exposing that I didn’t appreciate any of my true qualities. Sometimes I still look in the mirror and feel unsatisfied with how I look, but I am very aware that this is a reflection of how I feel about myself and not actually how I look.
This applies to loads of things too Laura.. So often we think our hair looks bad, or we are too tall, too thin, look tired etc. when no one actually notices these things and in fact we could look absolutely incredible (but we wouldn’t even know it).
In the past I did go to a hairdresser full of wishes, ideas and ideals which I presented to the person with the scissors. Now, inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I choose a place which feels coherent to me, go their in the fullness of me and connect with the person (with the scissors) equal. And what ever comes out here it is reflection of me and my connections – and so: a blessing.
I have had a similar experience once at the hairdressers where I did not get the haircut I expected and asked for and as a result decided I looked strange and I remember being surprised that it was such a big deal. Looking back on it I can see that it was a big deal probably because one of the things I was outsourcing my self-worth to had been taken away temporarily and this exposed that there was a lack of true self worth underneath my hair! This was uncomfortable to feel but great to know. As you say Megan so many of life’s tricky situations can result in great learnings.
This is a beautiful sharing Megan. It is really amazing how opportunities present themselves for us to look deeper at our hurts and issues and to expose where we are lacking in self worth. As you experienced, deep healing can occur when we are prepared to take a true look at ourselves. When the way we do our hair, dress ourselves and do our makeup (for women mostly!) is a true reflection of the beauty we are feeling from within, nothing compares – it’s timeless and a joy for everyone to behold.
How amazing that this experience came around again for you to feel, a deeper layer that had not been received the first time round. A confirmation of the spherical nature of time and that all that needs to be healed will come back to us when we are ready for more awareness. We need to constantly confirm our inner connection and sense of worthiness as a Woman and not allow the thoughts that would feed us otherwise.
“I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me.” I can relate to this Megan, from other life examples. What a great learning experience to share and its so practical how you experienced the opportunity come around again – to learn and to appreciate from within – this I can definitely relate to as well and love how you describe it really accessibly.
There is so much in this blog Regan, “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.” and the fact that it comes round again if we don’t get it the first time asks us to be efficient with time and space so we don’t have to go over old ground, but if we do – hey, that’s OK.
You are so right Megan. The way I perceive my outer looks comes from how I feel inside about myself. I can have a ‘bad hair’ day and still feel beautiful. Or sometimes I have a ‘bad hair’ day and feel ugly, not worth anything. But I am sooner aware now that it is not because of my outer looks but because I feel like that already before I even look into the mirror.
Hi Megan – upon revisiting your delightful blog I can say I can relate to many of your experiences with the ‘hair cut’, remembering from past experiences myself, the expectations, the investment in the outcome, etc. etc. thank you for sharing your wisdoms learned from your own experience – quite inspirational.
Thank you Megan. Your blog initiates the thought about the efforts we make to make ourselves look and identify with that look we have chosen. A few years ago, after starting the Universal medicine therapies, my face started developing a red, painful burn type rash on both cheeks. It was super obvious and drew quite a bit of attention. I could see peoples eyes look at the rash when I was talking to them. It was embarrassing and initially made me feel uncomfortable. I had to let go of the embarrassed feeling I felt and accept my ‘new look’ and accept that this was to stay as it showed no sign of abating, doctors were perplexed with no treatment available. I realised that I could let go of what people thought of me as I was putting this painful burn before who I was. Feeling me first was the key to letting go of the embarrassment, in fact, it evaporated and taught me a lesson that no matter what, the inside is what really matters.
The last sentence of this blog says it all – what a perfect blog to demonstrate bringing love and understanding to ourselves.
Such a great article Megan, I could related to so much of what you shared. When i was younger I had really long curly hair and that is what everyone saw, they recognised me for my hair as it was naturally curly, so when i decided to cut it off it was a big deal as i felt i had hidden behind my hair a lot of my teenage years and twenties. It felt like a real claiming of myself when i did it. Then finding my voice with hairdressers since then, being specific in what i wanted and felt right for me. I also loved what you said about being able to find ‘meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face’, we are reflected so much each and every day, it is in our awareness as to whether we choose to see the potential for that healing for ourselves and others.
I can relate to what you’ve shared here Reagan. Up until recently I’ve always had long long hair and loved it, as other people did too. When wanting and feeling the need for it to go short the hairdressers I chose to do this were more scared then I was! ‘Oh you can’t cut it short it’s too beautiful’, so I listened to them and forsaken my own knowing to please others. I have since gone to another hairdresser who knew the importance of energy and wasn’t hooked into the looks dominating the cut. I am now enjoying my short hair and feel great! No more hiding 😉
Yes this is exactly what she has done Gabriele, she has used the situation to her full advantage in questioning why she was feeling like she was, and what was being shown to her. I too have been blessed by the cyclical nature of lessons coming to me over and over again. Time is a very patient but determined teacher. I have learned that if something keeps happening to me in life, i really need to look at why, and take responsibility for my part in order to truely address it.
So true Gabriele. It is really awesome Megan how you didn’t resort to blame but looked at the underlying lesson on offer. I have often blamed hairdressers for a haircut I didn’t like but can see it as an opportunity to not hold back in communicating clearly what I want, but also not letting my appearance dictate how I feel about myself.
Reading this in your comment I can see what a powerful realisation this is .. and others have seen this too as this is one sentence that has been commented on a lot. To see obstacles as true blessings that can gently show us there is more to look at and heal if willing.
Thanks for the reminder that obstacles can be blessings if we simply delve a little deeper!
Thank you Megan. I have, for a long time invested in my hair being something I identify with. It has, for the most part been long and healthy and I’ve often received compliments on how nice and ‘effortless’ it is, which is true…I’ve never put too much effort into my hair and nor have I ever wanted to. I have had some big shifts in my life recently and there was a moment where I decided it was time to take a small risk and change my hair up a bit. I decided on getting a fringe.
I was starting to appreciate that I was worth spending a bit of time on and that I could start to shake off my idea of what ‘effortless’ meant. I was ready for the challenge to further care for myself. I got my fringe, and I love it, and I have to say, that miraculously, it requires little to no maintenace, but even so, my attitude toward spending a bit more time on myself has certainly shifted and I’m not so opposed to the idea.
I love how these days how, feeling more feminine inside me, allows me to visit the hairdresser with a sense of playfulness and I work with the hairdresser to decide what is my current expression generally, so that my hair matches that. I love it this way. I’m not sure how I’d go with a shave though, so there may still be something in there!
Yes – I found that both amazing and very confirming, too, Steffihenn: we are offered so many opportunities on a daily basis.
I completely relate to your recount of the devastating effect of haircut , Megan and that it indicated,” Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.” I had the same feeling of devastation as a child when I was forced to have my hair cut short from a great length: I spent most of my adult life wearing it long in reaction to this experience. It is only recently that I have started to become playful with my hair and let go of my attachment to its length – which correlates directly with my awareness of the true source of my femininity – within me!
Wow! Megan: you learned so much through these experiences with your hair! What I find remarkable about that, and disarmingly honest, too, is that most of us would dismiss such feelings as “no big deal- the hair will grow back.” But what you have shown so clearly is that these everyday, nothing-special circumstances actually offered you an insight of considerable depth and, from there, the ability to reconnect with a truer version of yourself through this experience. Opportunities for transformation and learning abound for us all with this level of awareness of all the “ordinary” situations we face daily.
Absolutely Mary. Well said. This is also a possibility.
Yes this is a true blessing that we are given in life.
These attachments on how our hair looks can also be an ideal we use for our clothing, our weight, our make up etc etc. There are many areas that we can let go of if we truly look at the restrictions we place on ourselves. I find that if I do my hair or dress or make up etc in a caring quality then it always looks lovely but most of all it feels beautiful.
I agree Johanna08smith, if the caring quality is there, I always feel great in what I am wearing and how I look, and it does not depend on others liking what I’ve chosen.
‘There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.’ Thank you Megan, it was particularly pertinent for me to read this paragraph this morning as I’m still playing out a story that happened to me recently, trying to understand it ( oh yes a massive distraction ) but it’s beautiful to be reminded of this and know what you say is true and to trust that everything really does happen for a reason and is a blessing, even if we aren’t aware of what that is yet, it will unfold naturally.
Gosh Megan, I can completely relate to, ‘I felt that in losing the length I, in some way, had been robbed of my femininity and my expression of it.’ I had very short hair as a child and my mum wouldn’t let me grow it. People use to think I was a little boy and I completely associated long hair with femininity. From your blog I can feel just how much I have identified myself in expression of being a woman by having long hair; rather than allowing the inner to shine regardless of what the outer is like.
Megan a really great sharing, which shows how we easly see ourselves as the physical and not for the essence that we truly are. What really counts is who and how we feel inside ourselves, and that becomes a forever deepening experience, especially as we begin to see the things we put in the way.
Beautiful Sally – we all have an essence within us that if we live from it, it brings a whole new quality to our lives…where we start to live who we are rather than seeking recognition, acceptance, love, from the outside as we do not connect to this depth that has it all….and it shows how powerful a haircut can affect us if we rely on our externals – so fickle…and i know because i too have lived like this.
I enjoyed your blog Megan, as I read through I couldn’t have stopped until I got to how it ended! Its not surprising when we look at today’s society, magazines and the images we are sold that we tie our femininity to how we look but you are absolutely right that the truth is ‘what we are inside’ is the true source of beauty which radiates out for all to see if we don’t hide it.
Thank you for sharing Megan, this is an important reminder for all of how easy it is to identify who we are by the outer shell or the obstacles that come up in life when there is so much beauty and love in our bodies that is there ready to be connected to and claimed as who we truly are.
Agree Steffi, when we let ourselves observe the natural, unavoidable cycles of life, life is so much more easy, without the pressures and challenges we so often otherwise face.
Megan I love what you are sharing. One of the things that popped out to me is how there is a strong society backing of the belief that long hair somehow is part of an identification of women. That is- many women will openly say they would like a shorter hair cut but their partners like it long. Perhaps women could have kept their bra’s in the 60’s and instead gone and had hair cuts that expressed and celebrated who they are and shared this with the world. There is a long history behind women with long hair. Great that you are bring down the stereotypes for many women and loving who you are whatever length your hair may be.
What a light-hearted joyful blog Megan of rediscovering your inner beauty, untainted by the pressures put on women to tick all sorts of boxes on how they look. When we get to this point, things like haircuts become so much more joyful, there’s no pressure like before because we’re not defined by the haircut or the outer appearance. We simply have a lot of fun with them 🙂
I really enjoyed reading your blog Megan. Your words made me realise a lot: “I felt like my world had ended, but not because my hair was too short, but because I felt that in losing the length I, in some way, had been robbed of my femininity and my expression of it.” I know this feeling so well, the feeling that my looks define myself as a woman. I am starting to feel that my beauty comes from a much deeper place than just my looks. Though that it is expressed through my looks when I feel this deep beauty that is inside me. But this is totally different from how I wanted to make me feel beautiful by how I looked before, which came from a lack of feeling my innate beauty inside.
I have had many traumatic hair salon visits where I left feeling let down, I had such exacting ways my hair needed to be, to be ‘right’. Poor hairdressers, they didn’t stand a chance! My lack of self worth and high expectation destabilizing them too no doubt.
My gorgeous hairdresser left a couple of months ago to travel and I had been avoiding getting my haircut through old fears of a ‘hack job’ with someone who didn’t understand.
Yesterday I finally went to the woman she recommended for me and it was the most delicious experience. She really listened, she didn’t talk when she initially began to cut as she was focussed on and enjoying my hair, the feeling of the way she was cutting was lovely and I felt very held by her. I could tell she really loved her work and this she confirmed for me once we did start to speak. I left feeling blessed and my head and hair and ‘I’ felt amazing which is a far cry from what used to happen. A beautiful marker for me on how far I have come in no longer outsourcing my worth.
Living in a woman’s body is an immensely beautiful thing. Everyday my appreciation grows for the privilege that it is to feel my inner juiciness, sacredness, strength and grace as a women. These qualities are available to all women equally, and men too, but how this expresses from and through our bodies is different, perfectly and beautifully so.
To have all of this available to us, but then at the same time to observe the extent women sell out to the outer ideals of beauty and femininity to define who we are, is simply astonishing. I too have fallen for lots of these ideals in the past, and there are still some that I haven’t quite relinquished my identification with, it’s a work in progress. But now at least, it is so clear to see this phenomenon as the big, fat trick that it is. The longer women are entrapped in this game of ‘outer beauty’ that defines them and saps them of their self-worth, the longer it will be before the world feels and experiences the true power of the woman in all her glory and true beauty.
As I deepen in my connection with myself, my enjoyment grows for how I look on the outside, but nothing compares with the love and lusciousness I feel on the inside.
Thank you Megan for your fun and important blog.
I can so relate Megan and this line popped out at me as a fabulous way to look at it, no denying then, how we give our power away to the mirror or how we give ourselves away to what we perceive others will think when written like this – “Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth!”
I always used to be afraid of a bad haircut so a bit scary to read your horror story! However also gorgeous to get the deeper reading and feel the love that keeps presenting to us the same situation to learn from. It reminds me of a fantastic and fascinating book I am currently reading called “Time, Space and all of us – Book 1 by Serge Benhayon” which reminds us how we are going round in circles and keep getting presented with an opportunity to learn and evolve back to the truth we already know.
Megan, I used to have very long hair and I can so relate. Not with the bad hair cuts but I was totally identified by it, and believed it was the only thing that made me beautiful! Ha ha, I have to laugh at this now as it really is just an outside thing and has absolutely nothing to do with the beauty that shines from deep within no matter what the length of your hair is.
Hi Megan, I used to have very long hair and I can so relate. I was totally identified by it, and believed it was the only thing that made me beautiful! Ha ha, I have to laugh at this now as it really is just an outside thing and has absolutely nothing to do with the beauty that shines from deep within no matter what the length of your hair is.
Wow Megan, I find your story inspirational. As a woman I have never really looked into my attachment to my own looks so deeply. There is much to ponder on here. Thankyou for sharing
‘Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.’ I love this sentence and I can relate to what you are sharing. Hair has been a big thing for me too and I used to be quite anxious about the outcome in the past, but with each hair appointment I have been becoming more assured of myself how I like to wear my hair and I have come to really enjoy my hairdresser days.
The whole appearance thing for women is a fascinating one because although our value or worth cannot be defined by our looks, how we choose to express ourselves through our hair, make-up and clothes is important. Getting the balance right is the trick! Connecting to ourselves and our inner qualities such as beauty, stillness, loveliness first is definitely the liberating way to go, and then letting that come out as a gorgeous reflection to the outside world.
I feel lighter already reading your blog. I have had some ‘issues plaguing me’ and the insights I received from your blog remind me as you so clearly state “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.”. I have some lack of self-worth issues coming up that are here to be healed. Thank you for the reminder that there is a great potential behind every obstacle if we choose to see it. And that our worth is not truly determined by the outer and the choice is really to claim what is deep inside of each and everyone of us.
Megan this is super example of when something goes seemly wrong, that actually it’s the best thing ever! Hard to acknowledge at the time maybe but none-the-less a complete blessing. What a wonderful opportunity and potential for healing as you so beautifully express – thank you for sharing.
I feel what you describe in this blog Megan, is true for many if not most women. Our looks often define us and more often than not we gain our sense of value from them and other people’s responses to them. If we don’t manage to break this ‘outsourcing’ of our value, then the ageing process can help us! As the outer form changes, the face wrinkles, the hair thins or dries, and parts of the body inevitably sag we have to let go of the outer appearance to some degree, and yet we can discover that we still feel the beautiful woman inside, perhaps even more so. So the more that connection is made while you are younger the easier it will be to accept the changes that the body will inevitably go through as you get older.
Beautiful and important point made josephinebe2012, ‘the more that connection is made while you are younger the easier it will be to accept the changes that the body will inevitably go through as you get older’
“growing my hair was then loaded with an unconscious ideal that long hair meant I was feminine” – after reading your blog today I shared a discussion with the hairdresser about this ideal in particular – how so many woman and society hold the belief that by having long hair it is seen as more feminine than short. We both agreed this is not true. I know many amazing, delicate, super sexy and feminine woman with short hair. Through what I have learnt from Universal Medicine and Natalie Benhayon, true sexy and femaleness comes from within. It is a quality, a stillness we live in, walk in, move, speak, cook, work, drive, dress in …. then what is seen and felt on the outside is an emanation a reflection of this.
Hello Megan Cairney and your blog made me laugh and I mean that with respect. I agree to the “nature of the cyclical world that we live in” and in that way to be faced with the similar set of circumstances when you went for a haircut again made me laugh. I know before the support of Universal Medicine I would have passed this off as a coincidence or something similar. Instead and as you did, you look beyond what is physically occurring for the deeper meaning or opportunity. I enjoyed how you went about this and with you being in a “hairdressing family” I am sure you will bring more understanding to people who are in the same situation as you were. It is again confirmed to me that when you ‘live’ something deeply and not just allow the physical part to play out there is always more understanding for yourself and other equally. Universal Medicine is a huge key in all of this, they understand.
Ha ha I love this blog Megan. I had to burst out laughing this morning as I read this on the bus on my way to getting my haircut. No coincidence there. If I am absolutely honest I and a horrendous experience with a hair cut around 3 years ago, I cried, hated it, freaked out and have been growing my hair ever since. I think I have only had it cut once since then. But I have been really feeling a pull to get my hair cut. Initially I thought for a trim, but something last week made me feel no more needs to come off. As soon as I booked an appointment I could feel the joy in getting it cut, it was almost as if I was holding onto stuff in my hair ( not literally). I couldn’t wait to be honest. I just knew I wanted to get it cut short, at least half of it off. When I shared this with people, their first response was no you have such lovely long hair, it looks so good tied up, don’t get it cut short. But I knew myself and in my body what was right and felt true for me. Someone shared with me recently about not justifying myself because of other peoples remarks. And I could feel this was happening here. No judgement to the other person as I knew they were appreciating my hair, but I chose to listen to myself and what I could so clearly feel in my body. Even when I went to the hairdresser today, I knew exactly right from the start the length I wanted – even though they didn’t want to cut it that short straight away, in the end I just shared nope take more off – and I absolutely love it and feel amazing – why? not because of my hair but because I listened to myself and my body. My hair was simple a great confirmation.
Oh Megan, I can so relate to the lessons learned from a “bad” haircut – well that’s after I had gone through the drama and the trauma first, while willing my hair to grow faster! Not only with any less than perfect haircut and the many other challenges we face on a daily basis, I like you have learned that: “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.” These days I relish these opportunities because I have learned, sometimes the hard way, that I am actually being presented with a choice, that if trusted, may just change my life.
Thank you Megan for sharing so honestly. It is so easy to identify who we are by the way we look and our hair is part of that ideal and belief we have. This is making me ponder on my feelings and investment in my hair and other external treatments I have on my body! Are they are a reflection of how I truly feel about me from the inside out or conversely does how I look on the outside influence how I feel about me on the inside.
Great reflection of how the outer can overpower us if we are not truly claimed as the amazing women we are. I love how you say that you “had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.”
The way I feel with myself, like how much I honour and love myself is very much related to how much I like my hair or not. So bad hair days for me are a sign that I have neglected myself and need to give myself some tender love and care and that includes to allow my stuff to come up and to let it go and to get help if I need it.
What I have always seen when I look into a woman’s eyes is that of a deep femaleness in their hearts. A sacredness that is always their with them. Their hair length means nothing but just an expression of that and I have seen many woman with short hair claiming the deep sacredness and the haircut looks and feels very magnificent and very sexy.
Interestingly, I chose to read this blog having just received some news that I had missed out on an opportunity. I was feeling disappointed, and also a bit down on myself because it was my delay that had contributed to me missing out, and this despite me having received clear messages through the magic of nature that the gifts that we are offered are to be taken at that time. Your blog Megan reminds me that the opportunity to choose not to delay, and to say ‘yes’ to that which is felt to be true as and when it arises will come around again. As you say, we live cyclically. And delay, well just allows time for doubt.
Hi Megan, I can relate to your story. I recently had a haircut and it was much shorter than i expected. I was almost childlike in my sulking after the cut. Even though it was a brilliant cut and colour. I noticed a whole lot of thoughts such as short hair is for old ladies, it looks masculine. I actually heaps heaps of positive comments and feedback from people about my hair which really surprised me. I was struggling to see how good it looked because I was attached to how it needed to I had to stop and ask why my reaction was so strong what was I attached to, how clearly did I communicate what I wanted, I was surprised how attached i was to my hair.In the end I appreciated the experience for what it was a great chance to see patterns that I was attached to.
Megan this is beautiful – I love how you have come to see so clearly the attachments that are so inbuilt in women about how we look to the outside world, rather than being taught from young about the focus of remaining with our inner beauty first and foremost. Trusting yourself to stop and feel this, is the true healing your gorgeous hair (short or long!) has brought you.
“Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears”.
Thank you!
Beautiful Megan what a learning on so many levels you share and the opportunities to truly look at what is going on. In the world today we are brought up and encouraged to lookout side ourselves for everything when the real meaning and wisdom of life is deep inside us waiting to be connected to always. I love your sharing that ‘There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.’Thank you
Megan I to have had bad hair cuts, bad perms, bad colours and yes I to have shed tears. A few months ago I read Rachel Hall’s blog on her hair experiences. From this blog I began to reconnect with my hair. Shortly after that I went to the hairdressers and got my hair cut. I expressed what I wanted and I got exactly that. The cut looked amazing. I got so many compliments and the next time I visited my hairdresser she expressed she loved my cut so much that she herself got her hair styled the same way.
Fantastic blog Megan! I think all women can relate to this on some level. Our hair is most certainly part of our expression, yet we have become so wrapped up in it being part of our exterior facade that it has become a measure of our perceived versions of beauty and worth. I saw through this at one point in my life and rebelled against the ideals of beauty and warped glamourised versions of femininity and shaved my head! Much to the horror of those around me. One friend was so horrified she asked me, ‘how are you going to go pick your son up from school?’ – like I was debilitated because I had no hair. She was embarrassed for me and thought that I wouldn’t be able to go out in public. At the time I was horrified and hurt at her reaction because I knew that the hair was just all superficial and it was going to grow back. I hadn’t changed. Couldn’t she just see me for me? Now, all these years later, I wonder if subconsciously I set the whole thing up…knowing full well that this would be the types of reaction I would get and what better way to confirm to myself that people don’t love me for me and that they don’t see me for who I am.
These days, I don’t need to make such statements. As you say Megan, I was certainly ‘outsourcing’ my worth and also finding new and inventive ways to confirm to myself that I didn’t have any in the first place or that life pretty much guarantees that it’s not readily available. Such a massive lie when the truth is that my worth can only come from within me, from me knowing who I am and from me learning to love myself form the inside out. To be honest my relationship with my hair has always been a bit touchy…but as my relationship with myself and my true understanding of femininity has evolved, my hair is becoming less and less of an issue or reaction and more and more part of how I express myself as a woman. And I love this.
Megan, the last sentence is absolute gold, beautiful.
This reminded me of the many many times things have ‘come around again’ for me to have another go at dealing with … that whole Groundhog day movie theme is pretty close to the truth when we start to clock the recurrence of things!
Great blog Megan; I loved your honesty in stating: “Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth!”
What you have pointed out here – that when we don’t learn something the first time, it will come around again and again until we get it – is something that I have felt also. It seems so obvious now, that Earth school that we all attend, is a place where we have the opportunity to make our learning as simple or as difficult as possible.
It’s interesting how the things that we don’t deal with in full come around again Megan in another situation so that we have another opportunity to feel what is there and to heal it. I used to experience a particular situation in my workplaces until I realised that I had to look at my investments and reactions to people who behaved in a certain way, until in one job, I really got what it was about and nailed it!
great Learning Megan, and thanks for sharing. I know the feelings that you are talking about when you get a haircut you aren’t happy with, and you have nailed it when you said that the reason we get upset is because it is like a part of us has been “chopped off”. Investing in our outer appearance is what causes this, but accepting the inner glow and sparkle is the best way to look great on the outside as well.
There is a potential for healing in every obstacle we face, very true. And like you say, the obstacle just keeps coming back, sometimes in a different expression, so we can learn and grow from it.
Great awareness to have come to Megan. There have been 2 distinct occasions in my life where I have had very long hair and had it all cut off to a very short style. Both times I could feel that there was a very stagnant, heaviness in my hair – basically that I had loaded it up with ideals and beliefs of what it is to look like a woman and the recognition having long curly hair gave me. Having it cut off was like clearing a load from my body but what I realised was that after the first time I didn’t make any changes to my life so the weight was able to build up again. The second time it was cut off, I was able to bring that awareness to the hairdresser’s chair so now, as it is becoming long again (after a couple of years of a shorter style), I am not invested in my hair giving me anything. Now it is more simply an expression of the woman I am inside. This is work in progress for sure but just writing this comment has given me the opportunity to really feel how far I have come and to appreciate myself for the changes I have made – possible because of the unwavering support and incredible reflections offered to me by Universal Medicine practitioners.
I have been at the mercy of what I call ‘lookism’ for most of my life, up until recently. It is a ‘dis-ease’ women have especially. We place so much importance on how we look instead of connecting to, deeply appreciating and allowing ourselves to express how we feel inside. Since focusing on the latter when I look in the mirror at myself I see absolute beauty reflecting back to me.
Megan,
This sentence spoke volumes to me. ‘Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.’ Recently I have felt deeply my femininity with in and this sentence supports me greatly as I too claim it. The depth of love and understanding that I feel with in as I accept my femininity, my delicatessens and presciousness is too beautiful for words. All I can say is that as I connect to it and choose to stay with it, I simply feel a strength and confidence like I have never felt before. Your bad hair days have not only supported you, but all who have the honour of reading this article.
Wow Megan this is an awesome blog. It is so true, it is in the tiniest things that present to us as women that we over look and your expression about your hair rings true for so many of us. We surely all have been trying to live up to some kind of image instead of just being the love that glows and grows from the inside and not on our heads.Thank you for your wisdom it has and it will hit a cord with many women.