New Haircut, New Perspective – Exposing Investments in Appearance and Letting Go

About 4 years ago when I was living in London I was preparing to return home to Australia for Christmas. I decided before I travelled that I would get a new haircut so that I could feel good about myself for the trip. However, what was a routine haircut fast turned into a nightmare when a rather young and inexperienced hairdresser went against my wishes and clumsily chopped off way too much hair. I was devastated, and I’m not ashamed to say that I cried.

Having grown up within a hairdressing family I had come to more clearly understand the side of the hairdresser in these types of situations and had never before found myself in the position of the dissatisfied customer.

Previously, when I had heard of similar nightmare haircuts from friends I had thought to myself that hair is just hair and that it’s no big deal if too much is cut off as it will grow back. But in that moment when I looked in the mirror at my lopped locks, it very much felt like a big deal. It felt like I had been violated somehow. I did not want to let it go and I most definitely was not ready to move on!

What I have come to realise since, as I have processed this traumatic experience, is how much investment, as a woman, I had placed on my looks and how that determined both how I felt about myself and how I interacted with others. I felt like my world had ended, but not because my hair was too short, but because I felt that in losing the length I, in some way, had been robbed of my femininity and my expression of it. As a result, my self-esteem and self-worth took a tremendous blow.

I didn’t realise at the time, but in an attempt to not truly acknowledge what was being presented here for me to feel into and heal, I covered up the hurt I felt by making a conscious commitment to grow my hair as long as I possibly could.

Because the decision to grow my hair was coming from a place of reaction to the deep hurt I felt of me not claiming my true and unwavering femininity in full, growing my hair was then loaded with an unconscious ideal that long hair meant I was feminine, protected, and in control of my expression as a woman.

During the following years, I barely cut my hair at all, choosing instead to get a trim only once a year to keep it looking somewhat healthy. I was happy with how it looked and I felt a sense of pride and satisfaction as it grew longer and longer. Friends and colleagues at work began to remark on how lovely it looked and how long it had gotten and I started to feel a deeper sense of femininity and self-worth the longer it grew.

I was so wrapped up in the identification of growing it – however, I started to feel an uneasy sense of being identified by my hair. Wasn’t there more to feeling my sense of self worth than through the act of growing my hair long?

Interestingly, after a series of life changing shifts began to occur in the way that I see myself and my relationships through the support and encouragement of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine practitioners, it came as a complete surprise to me when I began to have daydreams about cutting my hair off short.

I know that I can be quite impulsive sometimes so I kept thinking that the feelings would pass, but they didn’t, so I started researching new hair styles and looking at the latest trends and they all seemed to be shorter, much shorter, than my long hair. After sharing around a picture of my ideal hairstyle to my partner, girlfriends and family and receiving an unanimous thumbs up, I decided that the time was right for me to have my hair cut again.

I made an appointment with the hairdresser and when it came time to cut my hair, I was astonished that a similar set of circumstances to the time in London quickly unfolded. Despite discussing the plan for the haircut explicitly, I once again was left feeling as though my hair had been cut way too short and all of the old feelings came flooding back.

I felt that once again my femininity and expression as a woman had been compromised. I was devastated – way more devastated than the previous time it had occurred. However, this time I felt that I had much more support and many more tools to help me feel into the real issue trying to get my attention.

I had to come to terms with the fact that it wasn’t about the hair, although it was tough to not fall victim to that way of thinking when aesthetically, I wasn’t happy with the look. When I really took the time to feel deeply into what was coming up for me to look at, yet again, I realised I was making my expression as a woman, my styling, hair and make-up and how I am perceived as a result of that outward expression, the source of my true value.

Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.

Feeling into this nugget of truth was incredible and an amazing thing to nominate and let go of. It is truly astonishing how opportunities like this present themselves, then present again until we are ready to go there. I missed the opportunity to feel more into this the first time in London, but by nature of the cyclical world that we live in, I was given another chance at going there.

I now have been able to see these haircuts for the truly amazing blessings that they are and how they have been a bridge to build a deeper relationship with myself and claim my beauty and amazingness as a woman from within first. I’m not totally unattached to the outer just yet, but I have made some amazing inroads and my awareness will help me continue down the path.

There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.

Inspired by the work of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon.

By Megan Cairney, Brisbane

Further reading:
Bad Hair Cut, Bad Hair Day, Bed-Hair – Bad Me?
Is True Beauty Really In The Eye of The Beholder?

561 thoughts on “New Haircut, New Perspective – Exposing Investments in Appearance and Letting Go

  1. I am really interested in the cyclical nature of our evolution, or the gifts of the soul that come once and over again until we realize what is needed for us to evolve, or either repeat it again. At the same time, I am faced with the feeling that: are we so dumb that we have to do it over and over because we don´t get it? or i should say I don´t get it?. Every time there is more awareness and I agree that you unfold “new inroads” and that awareness helps us down the path…but are we too slow?

  2. So very well written, this blog, and well worth pondering on. I can relate to my hair giving me a certain feeling when I’m happy with it, and vice versa when I’m not. What counts lies within though, as the outer always changes.

    I love this last sentence:
    “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.”

  3. What a gold line: “Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth!”
    That is so brilliantly said and it is something so many of us fall into. What a poignant article about a hair cut. and I love how the cyclical learning is revealed…everything always comes back round for us to learn about and heal.

    1. The cyclical nature shared here is important. We are always given opportunities, and repeated ones at that, to heal and re-imprint our choices. There a lot to be learned in each moment, in each cycle, and to see how it comes back round each time is a blessing.

      1. Yes, if we don’t look at and address what presents to us for healing it will come back time and time again, until we are ready to heal it: ‘It is truly astonishing how opportunities like this present themselves, then present again until we are ready to go there. I missed the opportunity to feel more into this the first time in London, but by nature of the cyclical world that we live in, I was given another chance at going there.’ Great that you understood this this time Megan, and did not have to have another ‘opportunity’.

      2. yes it does keeps coming around and that just shows that we cannot walk away from things or think that we can leave it, because it just keeps coming back. Until we learn from it and deal with whatever we have to deal with. Every day we get new opportunities, isn’t life amazing…?

    2. Yes Mariette, life is amazing in that earth flows with a precise order designed to always be re-harmonising and bearer of opportunity.. and this is the amazing part! Earth is a great teacher-philosopher, its flows a restorer-scientist.

  4. “Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth!” What a massive realisation you share here Megan. I can totally relate to looking outside of myself for who I was but in the end it all came up empty until I started to look within and began to feel the truth.

  5. Wouldn’t it be great if the quality, or rather the essence of a person is seen first, instead of basing impression and opinion on visual appearance. This may sound quite like utopia, but it is possible when we ourselves start to connect and live with the true beauty that lies within us.

    1. You have brought up a great point here on feeling the essence of a person rather than focussing on their outer appearance. What is awesome is when you meet people whose outer appearance is a celebration of their connection to their essence. Now that really makes a difference! They match and the harmony in this is a joy to feel.

  6. “Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.”

    This is a great sentence ( or rather so much more than a sentence). Something seemingly so trivial as a haircut that can offer is such a realisation about ourselves. Incredible. And the learning and awareness offered to us by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is remarkable.

  7. I Love what you share here Megan, so profound.
    “Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.” Beautifully expressed and I absolutely agree when you say “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.”
    There is indeed meaning and blessings to all obstacles and I have found that the more an event stands out in my life by any reaction I have in my body, the more there is to explore. I used to run away from this but now I have a willingness to jump in and see and feel what is truly there.

    1. “the more an event stands out in my life by any reaction I have in my body, the more there is to explore.” This part stopped me in my tracks just then. We have a choice in every moment to respond or react – the greater the reaction is there to offset the greater response that we can choose to make instead. And as Megan shared these events and what is there to feel keep coming back to us, we don’t escape them so we might as well respond to them. Thank you.

  8. Men too can have an investment in a woman’s looks. The media encourage us to fall in love with a romantic notion of a partner rather than a true connection with the real man or woman that’s there before us. Then it’s easy to fall into self-doubt and make yourself less instead of claiming the woman you are no matter what.

  9. Having your hair cut shorter than you would have wanted Megan, and at that moment felt it was done against your wishes as if you were somehow violated, that can certainly be understood. I have had many experiences in the past when going into a salon having a picture in my head, feeling the hair dresser must be able to read my mind, and coming out with a totally different hair style than I was hoping for—and it felt hurtful when communication between people does not seem to get across—I had an investment of connection between people, something which I know but have not lived. I have not responsibly expressed how I wanted my hair to be, and instead held back communication expecting the other person to magically “get it”, and when the result was not what I expected, I held them responsible for “how can you not see this would not be something I like?”, but what I was really saying was “how can you not see me?” But have I really seen myself as I am, and expressed that?

  10. Long hair. I could certainly relate to what you have expressed here Megan about growing it as an reaction. I thought growing my hair long would automatically mean being feminine, so as wearing long skirts or high heels in other periods in my life. But none of that made me more feminine, none of that actually reflected the deep and absolute naturalness I know and have as a woman. What opened me to this natural part of myself was actually my expression, when I made a choice to not hold back what I already know as a woman.

    1. “…when I made a choice to not hold back what I already know as a woman.” This is gold. Looking out for role models, inspiration and ideas of how to look and be, when deep inside we know it and have it all already. It is a mad world we have created when we seek outside for anything which, in truth, falls way short of what we already have within!

    2. I have had both long and short hair. In my early 30’s I cut my below shoulder length hair to 1/4 of an inch long and wore it like that for 19 years. I really enjoyed wearing my hair that short, it was quite a statement at the time that I first cut it as very few women, (unless buddhists, gay or undergoing chemotherapy) had their hair really short. It gave me a sense of feeling strong, which I needed at that time in my life, but I can now see it also hardened my appearance. About 18 months ago I chose to grow my hair back, at first I grew it to shoulder length, and then on my hairdresser’s suggestion I allowed him to cut it shorter, without any directions from me, I just allowed him to do what he felt would suit me and I love the end result. I did not grow my hair to make me look more like a woman or to regain my femininity. Rather it was a celebration of my femininity and growing sense of myself as a woman that came first, and as I became more gentle and tender it naturally followed that my appearance would also, it was just the most natural next step in expressing that gentle tender woman that I am. I have no doubt that I could return to my very short hair or I could grow it half way down my back as I wore it in my younger days and it would make little difference to how I feel, as it is my sense of myself that carries me and shines through not the length or style of my hair.

      1. Love that Rosemary, that you did not use your hair to make you more feminine, but that your femininity shines out from within you and is celebrated and confirmed by your hair. This is so important, that all our true qualities and choices shine out from within us, and are if fact deep, not superficial or external at all.

      2. I have always had long or very short hair phases throughout my life too Rosemary, and been very aware of how it was the ‘image’ I was going for, or the feeling I thought was freedom to be me. Now, in my older age, my hair is no longer the texture or thickness that it was, and I have learned that it is not how it looks that matters, it is how I feel from the inside about myself. So now it is very short, appropriate for its condition, and also for me, as it actually suits me, and I don’t think that is ‘by chance’, it is because I felt what was true for me with no attachment to how others would react.

    3. Yes 1heart1earth1love agree. Just as body shape, size or clothes dictate not beauty, neither does hair length. What we feel within and how embracing we are of our natural expression is reflected in the way we style, cut or colour our hair, and it’s the way we do this, with the held love of ourselves (no picture or ideal) is what is truly feminine, sexy and completely gorgeous.

    4. I find myself in the same mindset as you and Megan – long hair being a sign of femininity and that it makes you beautiful and exotic. I always used to get thoroughly frustrated that all my friends and I used to have the same length hair, but now their’s are SO much longer than mine due to growth speed and that some just haven’t had in cut in around a year! What I’m realising is that hair does not have a ‘one size fits all’ style; we have to find what works right for us and feel confident with it.

    5. Indeed Adele, as soon as we work towards an image of what we feel a woman should look like, heels, lip stick, long skirts etc we have set ourselves up for a fall. Sacred Movement is a modality bought through by Natalie Benhayon, since attending these sessions I have felt more deeply connected to my expression as a woman.

  11. I really like it as you have shared here Megan how every day life situations such as going to the hair dresser can be a place of learning for us to heal and evolve. That there is meaning to everything. It is certainly very cool to realize that, and life feels so much more with depth in how you have explained it.

  12. I love the term “outsourcing my worth”; it really hits the nail on the head and describes how readily we can subscribe to the notion that our worth is dependent on how we look, what we do and all the myriad of things that are seemingly there to identify us back in some way, from the outside in rather than the other way around.

    1. I am loving this phrase as well, Gabriele – it is so punchy and says it all really for me. I have invested many years in “outsourcing my worth” but can now feel that how I am in my innermost is what is reflected to the world and the clothes and hair are extensions of my expression and not the source.

  13. Loved reading your article Megan. The cyclical nature of things is continually reinventing similar situations until we are ready to take a deeper look at ourselves and the lessons that are presented for us to learn and heal from, what a true blessing, and how beautifully are we always held and supported through life!

  14. How lovely that you had a second opportunity to receive the message these haircuts were offering you. To look at you as the woman internally not how the woman looks on the outside.

  15. Observing what is truly going on can be challenging when a hurt gets triggered! How wonderful Megan that you were able to arise above your hurt and clearly feel what was truly happening, and choose to deal with it lovingly.

  16. Wow Reagan I can certainly relate to what you have shared here how we get so caught up with externalizing our self worth and value by our exterior when within us we hold such beauty when we truly connect and begin to understand the rich quality of femaleness our true femininity and quality of our self worth, fills us up from the inside out then we could never be compromised by how we look.

  17. What a great blog, and pertinent topic for our times. Many people will relate to it I have no doubt, myself included. Our obsession with image and how we look has been one of the many aspects of us that has caused a festering in comparison and self worth issues. Despite what may be thought, our appearance is not what defines us. As Serge Benhayon has presented, and can be felt in the hearts of all people, what defines us is our choices and the quality of being that results from our choices.

  18. Contrary to many of the stories of haircuts gone wrong, I have experienced haircuts by a hairdresser who cuts with such precision, care and connection that I walk away feeling much lighter, as though in cutting off the hair, I was also letting go of other stuff – thoughts held in the in head and other mental distractions. I also had a great haircut to boot because she was very connected with herself and to me.

  19. “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur” Megan this is great – your reflection about unpacking “outsourcing of self worth” is so healing for both the great experiences and not so great experiences. I find connection with others and mutual respect shifts volumes of ‘stuff’ – when not connected to self – I can become just an empty vessel – with a bad haircut!

  20. Thank you Megan, this is an amazing blog. I certainly remember having what I thought were bad hair dos and feeling like it was the end of the world! How beautiful it is for us now to know how beautiful we are inside and it no longer feels like it is the end of the world when our hair isn’t quite how we’d like it to be!

  21. “Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.” great point. Self worth is by its nature inherent to self, within, and untainted by the world around us, and I see how in the past especially I have looked all around me for a confirmation that I could only make within.

  22. I have never heard of a female version of Samson from the bible, but I have now and a modern day one at that! If our strength is held in our outer appearance, how easily it is taken away from us! Every time we look in a mirror and feel a twinge of disappointment or desire to be different, it is showing us we are not truly connected to our beautiful essence within us. Great Megan that you have recognised such indicators as a blessing.

  23. After reading your blog Megan, I can feel now how in the past I had held onto an ideal of a beautiful woman being one who had long flowing hair, and I had not been so attracted to shorter haired women. What I realize now is that I had been excluding opportunities to connect with and accept anyone regardless of their external appearances. This came to a head (pun intended) when my wife cut her long hair very short and I had to deal with my silly ideals directly (like one of those opportunities to heal that you mentioned in your blog, Megan). With the help of Universal Medicine practitioners over the years, I have been able to connect more deeply with the true love that I feel for not only my wife, but everyone I interact with, regardless of their outer appearances. I can see more clearly the light and beauty inside them before I even really notice their physical traits.

    1. Thank you for being so honest Michael, I know you are not the only man out there to hold onto such ideals. One of my previous partners didn’t talk to me for a week after I cut my long hair short. At the time I couldn’t understand it, but I have come to realise how much comfort we have tied up with our outer appearance, so when that changes we are left exposed…either as the individual or sometimes even for the lover, family or friend, etc.

  24. A lovely sharing with us Megan – this morning I woke up with ‘bed hair’ but instead of indulging in an old pattern of ‘what will others think’ I feel more inspired by what this new day will bring.

  25. ‘Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth!’ What an amazing sentence! It made me realise just how much the world asks us to do this – to follow fashion in how we look, dress, have our hair, what size and shape our body is. What a set up to try and take us away from connecting to just how tender, feminine, gentle and lovely we already are on the inside!

  26. So true Megan, what seems to be an obstacle blocking our path, often will turn out as a support to stop and look if we are still on track and adjust the direction we are walking, if necessary.

  27. I really enjoyed re reading the blog this morning and I know I have wished I could have long hair – it simply does not suit my face but in the past I really envied those who had long flowing locks! I can really understand how the outer becomes a focus instead of knowing our connection to within allows a shining of that tenderness to be seen by all regardless of our outer look. ‘There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face’ This sentence if we truly consider it is powerful and healing in itself because it asks us to look and feel what we are being asked to let go of rather than stay in the reaction to a situation.

    1. “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face”. Like you Jy36, I also found this sentence powerful and healing. If we see everything that comes to us in life as being energy first and we accept that we are responsible for everything that comes to us, then everything that comes to us is a learning to either repeat and deepen that which is from Love, or to discard that which is not from Love. Either way, the learning is always there on offer.

  28. It is very interesting how just a simple hair cut can change the self worth you have of yourself and how we can pride ourselves on hair, as a boy thing we also have this hair thing where we sometimes base our moods on how our hair looks and how it feels.

  29. I have just recently been to a new hairdresser and she cut my hair really very short, way shorter than what I had requested. I remembered this blog and realised I had the choice to just let it go, know that my hair will grow, that my hair is just that and not a reflection of my inner being, who I really am. So thank you!

    1. Yes the same applied to me too Raegan, but I had my hair thinned too much. The ‘disaster’ i experienced with my hair not looking/falling right turned out (in time ha ha) to provide an opportunity and space for me to appreciate the voluminousness of my hair as opposed to keeping this at bay…rather like my expression (!)

  30. As women, we can go into such comparison about our hair, looking at others and feeling dissatisfied with our own. These days it is possible to have extensions to short hair, varying colour and different designs , and lots of people experiment with this throughout their lives. Is it for a change and a bit of fun, or is there a dissatisfaction underlying that we need to make ourselves feel better with a re-invention? I have always been very conservative with my hair and critisised myself as unadventurous and know it was because I didn’t want to draw attention to myself when I was younger. But maybe there’s also an acceptance there, that my hair is what it is. I know there is something more to ponder because I do feel different after a hair cut.

  31. I love the learning you have shared. It brings so much understanding to the crazy stuff I see happening in the world. Like people getting addicted to plastic surgery, now I can see they may not actually be addicted to plastic surgery rather they keep finding a dissatisfaction in their appearance because they have become so focused on their outer appearance they have forgotten their inner self. So they keep driving themselves to reach an unattainable goal.

  32. This is a great blog Megan, and one that I can also really relate too. I have had haircuts that have left me feeling distraught because the hairdresser has not done as I had asked. In recent years though I have come to understand that how we are within ourselves is key to how we ask someone to cut our hair, or anything else for that matter. I now have the experience of knowing that when I am super clear about what I want, I come out of the hairdressers with a gorgeous hair cut and feel amazing, but that my hair is simply a reflection of how I am on that day, and not a reflection of my inner beauty. We put so much emphasis on the outer, but as others have already shared, it is how we feel about ourselves inside that is the most important thing.

  33. Thank you for sharing and showing that what appears as a disaster is an opportunity to grow. If we grasp it, as you have Megan, it is so empowering and we evolve. “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.”

  34. There is a lot to learn each moment, in each cycle and to see how it comes back around each time is a blessing, as we get given the opportunity to heal and re-imprint our choices even with something so seeming trivial as a haircut can offer such a realisation about ourselves that can bring us back to connect to the true beauty within.

    1. Agree Yasmin, we are constantly “given the opportunity to heal and re-imprint our choices” in every moment. If we are consciously present with everything we do and think, then every moment becomes an opportunity for healing as we continue to refine our choices and deepen the love that impulses our choices and thus ‘amazing changes’ continually occur.

  35. There is so much gold in this blog that it will be one I return to and read often. Brilliant Megan. Thank you for the honesty written here. It made me wonder whether I too had very long and what I found to be annoying hair for many years as a way of feeling feminine as this was something not truly felt within my body. I loved how you shared, ‘growing my hair was then loaded with an unconscious ideal that long hair meant I was feminine, protected, and in control of my expression as a woman.’ You clearly expose the trap many women go into to feel their femininity. Being connected to our femaleness and sacredness is a feeling that comes from within and isn’t laced with any ideals and beliefs and your blog beautifully articulates this.

  36. An amazing presentation of an example of how we always have a choice to react to a situation presented and continue unabated in life by laying blame on another, or to react but then take responsibility for our role and use the opportunity to truly understand our reaction and the underlying reasons holding us back – for it always comes back to our own choices.

  37. It is so true how we become identified with how we look, the perfect role models – actors, celebrities, musicians, etc. are showing us all that how we look is everything. Fortunately, as you have exposed Megan, there is something more to understand about the value we place on how we look. It took honesty and responsibility to understand the short haircut didn’t make you less, good thing is though, another short haircut would have come along if you didn’t get it!

  38. I will hang on to, and be inspired by, your words here Megan after quite a disastrous hair cut last week.
    “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur”
    I will look out for the amazing changes and the opportunity the expand, despite the hair!

    1. I concur with whats been said Shirl, unpleasant situations or occurances offer great opportunities for greater awareness and growth

  39. I will hang on to, and be inspired by, your words here Megan after quite a disastrous hair cut last week.
    “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur”
    I will look out for the amazing changes and the opportunity to expand, despite the hair!

  40. Most of the times I go a have my hair cut, I have a good feeling about it. This has not always be the case though. I recall two occasions when this was not the case. In both of them, I gave my power away. In one case, the damage was massive. I had almost not hair anymore. It was not pleasant to observe how damaging was the giving the power away (of course, I could always blame on the hairdresser). For a week or so, I avoided being seeing as much as possible. The question is why? In the past I would have answered because I looked ugly. Now I would answer differently. With more or less hair, nicer or not, it is me anyway, it all my loveliness anyway. Yet, it is a reflection of how much I did not hold myself in love. The mirror and other people’s eyes was only a confirmation of the lack of self worth this incident exposed big time.

  41. I like that life cycles will always bring forward an other opportunity to learn about our hurts and heal them. If I think hard enough I will probably come up with many examples in my own life.

  42. “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.” This is so true Megan. Reading your blog I couldn’t help but feel how deeply cherished we are and how God in his absolute love and commitment never ceases to communicate with us and never gives up on us. If we don’t ‘get it’ or we ignore his messages he persists until we do, ever offering opportunities for deeper love and connection.

  43. “It is truly astonishing how opportunities like this present themselves, then present again until we are ready to go there.” This I was observing my whole life – situations are coming back as long as I started to look deeper. So I learned that it is my choice to “listen” what the world presented me or to ignore it. And also if I chose not to listen the first time the second time is a bit clearer or shall I say more confronting . . .

  44. It is great to have the understanding that those problems that keep repeating themselves have a purpose. A purpose to take a closer look at why they are recurring and for us to learn and make different choices.

    1. So true Mary, that with each time we choose to look at what is beneath an initial reaction or uncomfortable feeling induced, we are taking the opportunity to uncover the truth awaiting us within each experience. Ever deepening the connection to our innate Wisdom.

  45. Megan, thank you for sharing, when we embrace experiences like these, we open ourselves to a deeper level of understanding and awareness of ourselves and others.

  46. Well said Megan, absolutely when we are prepared to go there, the wealth of wisdom available to us through our connecting and listening to what our body shares with us, is a treasure to truly nurture.

  47. I love that a seemingly ‘bad haircut’ provides by way of opportunity the choice to look deeper again, revealingly who is actually there beneath the image, and that it is that reflection that when allowed, shines through all and any outer appearance.

  48. “I had been outsourcing my worth!” This expression resonates with me Meagan. It is amazing how much power we give away by being so attached to the exterior. There is true beauty in the cyclical nature of our being, that a lesson missed is always offered again for us to learn from.

  49. “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.” This is so true Megan seeing life incidences as a blessing and a learning and an opportunity to heal patterns that we continually repeat, is incredibly powerful and something to enjoy and embrace, however uncomfortable it may seem at the time.

  50. The hair is a big one for many women, when it come to how we look. A visit to the hairdresser often brings up comments regarding the hair being too thick, too thin, too straight, too curly etc and depending on how the hair is dictates how we are. They all carries meaning and the only way to put a ‘stop’ to the controlling and undermining thoughts are to challenge them and be willing as you have done Megan, to go deeper and expose what is really going on. Feeling deeper does bring a much lighter sense of ‘Being’ and a truthful celebration of who we really are (weighted down by the heavy locks or not).

  51. ‘When I really took the time to feel deeply into what was coming up for me to look at, yet again, I realised I was making my expression as a woman, my styling, hair and make-up and how I am perceived as a result of that outward expression, the source of my true value.’ Every magazine is trying to let us believe this and we all have grown up with certain ideals and beliefs about our looks.

  52. How wonderful life gives us constant opportunities to feel ourselves and our true nature and not once or twice but as much as we need to come back to our true value which is inside us. Last time I came home from the hairdresser not satisfied with the way she had cut my hair. Afterwards I realised I did not make it very clear to her how I wanted it and that this was something I had done lots of time to set myself up to blame the hairdresser and to go next time to another hairdresser. So I have had lots of hairdresser. This time I have chosen to go back the next day and told her exactly how I wanted it and I felt so much lighter and empowered by changing this pattern.

  53. Megan I love the way you saw the cyclical nature of the issue re-surfacing, inviting you to look more deeply into what was really at play. As a younger person I recall how important outer appearances were to my sense of self-worth; now I realise that the self-worth shines from within, and if I’m not feeling it, then nothing looks quite right anyway.

  54. I find the process of getting a haircut is a great reflection of my relationship with myself and people around me. How connected I am to myself reflects on my ability to communicate clearly what I would like to look like on the outside, and how confident I feel about showing that to the world.

    1. I absolutely agree nicolesjardin a haircut is a brilliant reflection of the settlement within ourselves and as you say how we communicate this outwardly.

  55. “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.”I absolutely agree with what you’ve shared here Megan. Thank you for the reminder to give myself the space and grace to feel what is being presented when an “obstacle” appears in my life.

  56. This is such an honest and beautiful sharing Megan, your choice to expose your investment in your hair and self worth and begin to heal this is very inspiring to read. This line really stood our for me and is a great reminder ‘There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.’

  57. When we externalise our worth we give this power to the world. This is the same world that we despair over as being in such chaos. How diminished are we when this happens? In total turmoil, pushed around as in a storm. Hair is very significant for women, and our ability to express how we feel about ourselves is intensely magnified in our relationship with the hairdresser. However, it is a brilliant opportunity to learn exactly how we are with the world and how much we hide behind how we present ourselves.

  58. I love that you used these experiences to learn how you were hinging your worth on your hair and to deeply connect to the amazing woman that you are.

  59. Thank you Megan for sharing so honestly your story, and the realisation that the outer is not what really defines you. “Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.” how beautiful, claiming your beauty as a woman, from within.

  60. ‘There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face’. A truly great one-liner with universal application. Here in this blog, your own experience around the precarious nature of haircuts provides an opportunity for all women to appreciate that true self-worth and identity as a woman come from our relationship with how we are within.

  61. So true Megan, as women we place far too much emphasis on our outer appearance. I know if I am not feeling so great one day I notice I will apply more make-up or spend more time on my hair and what I will wear. Really this doesn’t change anything when we focus on the outer, learning to appreciate and accept myself has been an absolute game changer for me and the more we claim and live this the more we feel the true beauty that forever resides within us all.

  62. Great to revisit my journey of my hair cuts through your story Megan. I can so relate. I have found that when I am valuing myself, with confidence and connection, I am happy with how my hair frames me. But when I am not I feel my hair highlights the agitation or lack of me.

  63. True beauty and felinity comes from the inside out and not from the outside in as you so clearly nominate in you blog Megan. And only when we can appreciate this in full, the healing of our past experiences can be taken in full as we have identified ourselves with false images, images that where given to us because we where in doubt of who we truly were.

  64. It’s so true that things keep coming round again and again until we get whatever is being offered. With awareness of this fact we have a choice to care for ourselves and our wellbeing and our future as these present themselves or put it off till the next time.

  65. It’s interesting to me that the way we look doesn’t matter so much to the people who are dear to us and they are the ones who have to see us more than we do. These minute details matter to us so much more and it is clearly worth examining why we are so attached to this idea of how we look. I know I do this and recently something lifted and I realised that I was feeling much more detached from this image and way more solid within.

  66. It’s funny how we judge ourselves harshly and think that because of a bad hair day or bad haircut we think that our ‘femininity and expression as a woman’ has being compromised when in fact we are all so much more than that one mere aspect of us.

  67. Allowing the world to decide our worth or value is a fairly universal thing. How does the world make us think that it is the arbiter of our self worth? The truth is the power to determine our self worth is completely in our own hands so why do we sacrifice this power and give it away to an uncaring world?

  68. I cannot but realise when we ‘outsource our worth’, it means we are totally dependent on others to build us up which in turn depreciates our true innate value – great blog Meagan.

    1. So true Francisco, how we look or even freeing ourselves to certain behaviours is liberating. And it can have the smallest of starts by simply asking ourselves about our reactions, being open to understanding why we feel the way we do.

  69. I gave my dog a pretty dodgy home done hair cut once and I watched him afterwards strutting his stuff like nothing had changed. He was equally as awesome before he had the dodgy cut – it made no difference. Now I know he is a dog but the message was clear to me…don’t let the outer affect the inner.

    I have been equally devastated by hair cuts so can really relate to what you share here Megan and am also inspired by what you write and share with us all. So much of who we think we are is tied up in the outer as we don’t usually take the time to honour and appreciate the inner.

  70. It is so true Megan that in general we as woman invest so much effort in to how we look, through which we then measure our self-worth. Our society is based on this, on measuring up to the ever-changing images of the world outside ourselves through the fashion industry, I certainly did for some time until I re-discovered that through our connection to who we are within our immeasurable natural beauty shines effortlessly.

  71. It is amazing when we can view obstacles in our lives as blessings and are open to learning whatever is there to be exposed. For me it has transformed my relationship with myself and others since I have stopped taking the victim stance in so many different parts of my life and become more honest about what is really going on when apparently random acts occur.

  72. Outsourcing our worth is so debilitating, recently I have been exposing another layer of this in my work. Needing my colleagues to recognise me as doing a great job and invested in doing it better than others gets in the way of meeting my client’s needs and just getting on with the job. When I let go of self my days flow so much more smoothly because I don’t judge any outcomes as being a reflection of my worth. I have always had an issue with providing case studies that feel like self promotion but what I am recognising is that I still have this tape going on in my head even if I am not overtly expressing it.

  73. Great sharing Megan, showing us that there is gold to found in every situation if we can get over our reactions and look deeper.

    1. Indeed Kathleen looking beyond our reactions and being open to feeling what is there to be healed, is hugely supported by self acceptance and understanding.

  74. Megan, it is indeed a true blessing how a life event that brings awareness to an aspect of ourselves which requires healing, will keep presenting itself until we accept, learn from and heal its underlying cause.

  75. “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face” nothing is random or happens for no reason, but likewise the reason for what happens to us in life is not because we are bad or have done wrong necessarily – something I have and do still go into at times. Seeing life from the perspective that there is something to heal, that greater love lays underneath should we choose to feel it, is a game changer.

  76. We are so much more than our hair, the size of our nose or the shape of our body. But all too often get tricked into thinking that we are identified and defined by our physical characteristics when we aren’t.

  77. “….how much investment, as a woman, I had placed on my looks and how that determined both how I felt about myself and how I interacted with others.” So many of us (women especially) have been brought up to believe how we look on the outside is what is important. But, as the amazing book ‘i am beautiful for being me’ by Tanya Curtis and Desiree Delaloye shows, beauty is more than skin deep.

  78. This was interesting for me to read as on reflection I can see in the past how I have based a lot of who I am by how I look especially with hair so that when I had not so great hair days (which there were many) I allowed this to cloud the girl/women I truly was. Making this me instead of my essence. So it is a blessing that you had finally been able to see this in order to change it ‘Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears’

  79. I love that life presents us repeatedly with something we need to address until such time as we embrace the lesson within. Your hair cuts were indeed a blessing in exposing that it is not the outer package that makes us a woman.

  80. I agree Megan when we face every obstacle as an opportunity and a learning we are able to change our lives in many ways, and if for any reason we miss the learning another opportunity will present itself to us.

  81. Recently I had my hair coloured and it turned a shocking pink which was too shocking for me to carry I felt, and indeed what I could not yet accept is that I am to “shock” many with love and I wanted to not own up to this truth. I tried to make a fuss out of all this, to distract myself of what was obvious in this reflection. I wanted to make it about hair, but it was really the relationship I have with myself, to simply accept more of myself and to remain clear in appreciating my worth. It is never about the hair (and definitely never about other people), and maybe one day I will wear shocking pink or maybe not. But in the meantime, I am enjoying the process; the reflections and awareness from these every day experiences rock.

  82. This is gold Megan ‘claim my beauty and amazingness as a woman from within first,’ such an important reminder to deeply appreciate and accept all the beautiful qualities women carry within first and the powerful reflection we offer other women when we chose to not hold back and shine in this way.

  83. There have been many times in my life when i can see that i have used a new hair cut or style to try to reinvent myself and deliver me from my personal,emotional struggles. Every time its been a beautiful lesson in feeling that nothing has truly changed, I have felt exposed for naively convincing myself that a new hair cut/style would equal a new me! Universal Medicine has supported me to be more understanding with myself, to ask for support with our personal struggles is what changes the way we feel about ourselves, taking greater responsibility for our choices is what truly supports.

  84. I totally agree Megan that every situation is an offering to expand and deepen, but OMG I would have been the same as you, which has me feeling into what I lean on in order to feel like a woman, instead of going deeper to the essence of what a woman truly is. These many things on the outer are there to enhance our inner beauty and strength not be the be all and end all of what a woman is. Great Blog Megan, it has brought up much to ponder on.

  85. Fascinating to see how we can think we have changed and resolved the issue but when the situation presents itself again and the pictures still don’t add up the truth of the matter is exposed. Life ultimately keeps coming back to truth, or at least presenting many countless opportunities to let go of that which is not true in the first place. It truly is a blessing to realise the fact that life is there to support us in this way.

    1. Sure Joshua, and in that I would say that life is a continuous blessing as it presents opportunities all the time for us to grow and evolve and in that if we choose so, to become more of ourselves in every step we take.

  86. It is interesting to read that it is all about our own perception of events in life o how we feel about hem. Perceptions that are biased by our beliefs, hurts an old patterns we hang on to until we heal those hurts and let go of the beliefs and patterns, we are free again to feel and read for what life in truth is presenting to us and to my experience it is always a blessing.

  87. I love the cyclical nature of healing, where a self-limiting belief re-occurs until we get the learning. This happens on a daily basis too. We often observe ourselves repeating unloving patterns and continue to do so until we’re given the understanding needed to release them for good.

  88. What we identify with can be very strong. I know when my hair is too thick or too short that I feel uncomfortable, there is an element of self critique yet as Megan alludes to our experience is reflecting a message back to us about how we value ourselves. A trip to the hairdresser for me can range in experiences from uncomfortable to joyous, and it is all a reflection of my own level of self value.

  89. 2 days ago I went from my natural brunette state to a rose gold colour – to all intents and purposes a blonde, which I had been curious to try. My hairdresser was amazed at how calm I was about such a radical shift – she was more anxious about it then me! I told her yes, while there definitely was a difference to get used to, I still felt like me on the inside. This response has indicated to me that I have come a long way in terms of building an inner sense of self that transcended the external change.

  90. Although how we look from the outside to me is still important, but more importantly is to feel the beauty from within as that is the source from whatever will present itself on the outer.

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