About 4 years ago when I was living in London I was preparing to return home to Australia for Christmas. I decided before I travelled that I would get a new haircut so that I could feel good about myself for the trip. However, what was a routine haircut fast turned into a nightmare when a rather young and inexperienced hairdresser went against my wishes and clumsily chopped off way too much hair. I was devastated, and I’m not ashamed to say that I cried.
Having grown up within a hairdressing family I had come to more clearly understand the side of the hairdresser in these types of situations and had never before found myself in the position of the dissatisfied customer.
Previously, when I had heard of similar nightmare haircuts from friends I had thought to myself that hair is just hair and that it’s no big deal if too much is cut off as it will grow back. But in that moment when I looked in the mirror at my lopped locks, it very much felt like a big deal. It felt like I had been violated somehow. I did not want to let it go and I most definitely was not ready to move on!
What I have come to realise since, as I have processed this traumatic experience, is how much investment, as a woman, I had placed on my looks and how that determined both how I felt about myself and how I interacted with others. I felt like my world had ended, but not because my hair was too short, but because I felt that in losing the length I, in some way, had been robbed of my femininity and my expression of it. As a result, my self-esteem and self-worth took a tremendous blow.
I didn’t realise at the time, but in an attempt to not truly acknowledge what was being presented here for me to feel into and heal, I covered up the hurt I felt by making a conscious commitment to grow my hair as long as I possibly could.
Because the decision to grow my hair was coming from a place of reaction to the deep hurt I felt of me not claiming my true and unwavering femininity in full, growing my hair was then loaded with an unconscious ideal that long hair meant I was feminine, protected, and in control of my expression as a woman.
During the following years, I barely cut my hair at all, choosing instead to get a trim only once a year to keep it looking somewhat healthy. I was happy with how it looked and I felt a sense of pride and satisfaction as it grew longer and longer. Friends and colleagues at work began to remark on how lovely it looked and how long it had gotten and I started to feel a deeper sense of femininity and self-worth the longer it grew.
I was so wrapped up in the identification of growing it – however, I started to feel an uneasy sense of being identified by my hair. Wasn’t there more to feeling my sense of self worth than through the act of growing my hair long?
Interestingly, after a series of life changing shifts began to occur in the way that I see myself and my relationships through the support and encouragement of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine practitioners, it came as a complete surprise to me when I began to have daydreams about cutting my hair off short.
I know that I can be quite impulsive sometimes so I kept thinking that the feelings would pass, but they didn’t, so I started researching new hair styles and looking at the latest trends and they all seemed to be shorter, much shorter, than my long hair. After sharing around a picture of my ideal hairstyle to my partner, girlfriends and family and receiving an unanimous thumbs up, I decided that the time was right for me to have my hair cut again.
I made an appointment with the hairdresser and when it came time to cut my hair, I was astonished that a similar set of circumstances to the time in London quickly unfolded. Despite discussing the plan for the haircut explicitly, I once again was left feeling as though my hair had been cut way too short and all of the old feelings came flooding back.
I felt that once again my femininity and expression as a woman had been compromised. I was devastated – way more devastated than the previous time it had occurred. However, this time I felt that I had much more support and many more tools to help me feel into the real issue trying to get my attention.
I had to come to terms with the fact that it wasn’t about the hair, although it was tough to not fall victim to that way of thinking when aesthetically, I wasn’t happy with the look. When I really took the time to feel deeply into what was coming up for me to look at, yet again, I realised I was making my expression as a woman, my styling, hair and make-up and how I am perceived as a result of that outward expression, the source of my true value.
Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.
Feeling into this nugget of truth was incredible and an amazing thing to nominate and let go of. It is truly astonishing how opportunities like this present themselves, then present again until we are ready to go there. I missed the opportunity to feel more into this the first time in London, but by nature of the cyclical world that we live in, I was given another chance at going there.
I now have been able to see these haircuts for the truly amazing blessings that they are and how they have been a bridge to build a deeper relationship with myself and claim my beauty and amazingness as a woman from within first. I’m not totally unattached to the outer just yet, but I have made some amazing inroads and my awareness will help me continue down the path.
There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.
Inspired by the work of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon.
By Megan Cairney, Brisbane
Further reading:
Bad Hair Cut, Bad Hair Day, Bed-Hair – Bad Me?
Is True Beauty Really In The Eye of The Beholder?
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
I also understand how we have a picture of how it needs to look like. The image is within our minds, fed through along the way, and along comes another with their image within their own minds too. So when the two images are placed together and don’t match, we end up with the experience of devastation.
Those images is what gets us into trouble as they have an expectation. But at the end of the day, if we let go of those images, not expecting it to be certain way, then what would life look like? Probably very much different, as it would be lived from how we feel in ourselves rather than be dictated by an image…
The greatest gift we can give ourselves is to know the beauty within first and foremost. In our current world this is not what we are taught and in fact we are told the opposite and hence we can easily lose the connection to our inner beauty and worth. Megan’s blog is a reminder but also a great way for each of us to feel how much of our power do we give away to superficial practices of ‘making ourselves beautiful’, rather than knowing the true worth within.
Henrietta that is true, beauty is within first. It is very distressing to see how people do whatever it takes to change their physical appearances, whether it be botox, or longer eye lashes, the list is endless. But that doesn’t suddenly appear in our lives, it is there from a very young age, we observe it all around us. We just need an upbringing that we are more than this world, then our children will live with the purity of who they truly are.
Hair, clothes and makeup etc can be a beautiful way to confirm the beauty that we hold within as women. And as mentioned by Megan, there is not substitute for the inner beauty we hold.
Thank you Megan for sharing this experience with such detail – I and I am sure, many other women have also experienced a similar thing and to be able to understand this deeper is a blessing as it offers us an opportunity for healing. Not that we should all go out and get ‘bad’ haircuts, but more so allowing ourselves to reflect on how much we may rely on the outer rather than the inner to feel the sacredness of the women that we are.
I have recently had a few days where my hair looked really limp and not like it normally does. To be honest, I let myself get as flat as my hair! We are really set up to fail when we tie how we feel to how we look, and it often takes a day where we don’t look good, or receive a bad haircut, to highlight the shaky ground we have built our sense of self worth on. What I noticed is that when I did Sacred Movement I began emanating my inner beauty, and everything about me, my skin, face and hair was then part of that beauty and felt gorgeous, it’s truly a case of energy first.
What I am learning is that an image comes after the energy. We may think something is because of what we outwardly perceive and experience, but it has already happened energetically.
Fumiyo that is a great comment, I had not fully considered that the images I receive as thoughts to be felt an energy first, I get a basic feeling of how the image is (blissful, etc) but I haven’t really broken it down fully in the way you described – thank you. The fact it’s a visual can distract away from the energy of what it is.
It is interesting that our hair has been described as our ‘crowning glory’ when in fact the glory is the Divine energy that enters the body through the crown.
Thank you Megan, a beautiful reminder that there is a blessing, as in a learning and a healing within every so called tragedy.
Yes, there is always a learning, and from that there can be a blessing.
This is huge Megan and would be for a lot of women and probably men in how do we outsource our worth. And what does this truly mean for us ‘outsourcing our worth’. It could be by way of looks, gender, status, role and not in fact first and deeply appreciating ourselves for who we are not what we do or look like. Also it is interesting in if we do not at first get to the root of something and truly heal this something similar will happen until we do.
It is inspiring how you have learnt from this and more importantly what you have learnt. I can really relate to this ‘I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.’ On basing myself as a woman in by how I looked. What I saw just the other day was how I do not appreciate my sensitivity, I, as all other women hold innate qualities within yet currently do not allow myself to connect, appreciate and deepen with these qualities as much as I can.
We can spend so much time focusing on the outer, in the hope it will make us feel better about ourselves but we spend far less time nurturing and developing the inner. No one looks more beautiful than when they emanate joy.
Absolutely Rachel…. a woman expressing joy feels and looks beautiful and any predisposed beliefs we have about what beauty should or should not look like just fly out the window…they do not exist anymore.
I can relate to bad haircuts, having had a few in my life, and what always amazes me is how much emphasis I have put on my outer appearance when I am totally gorgeous and amazing no matter how my hair looks.
We can’t escape from anything, only when we stop and feel and learn from a situation we move on from the same thing being repeated over and over.
We can learn and heal from a situation, ‘I now have been able to see these haircuts for the truly amazing blessings that they are and how they have been a bridge to build a deeper relationship with myself and claim my beauty and amazingness as a woman from within first.’
Leaving aside its natural beauty and all the wonderful things we associate with hair, through it, we learn to hold on into this life and this plane of life too.
There’s lots going on when we go to a hairdresser, I reckon. After all, we are entrusting a part of our body with another with a sharp object in hand, there is a relationship being built and a communication being had, and we as a customer expect to be understood and have our wish delivered, we are putting ourselves in a rather vulnerable position. Life is amazingly full of opportunities for healing.
Having that connection with the hairdresser is important. Because the energy they are in goes into our hair. I remember once a hairdresser working on my hair but having a full moan and rant about something else to the side and it reflected in how my hair was brushed and cut, it wasn’t fun. Likewise when I connect and engage with my hairdresser, not just idle hairdresser chitchat, my hair feels lovely afterwards.
We are all so much more than just what we look like.
Well said Suse – there is a Kingdom that lies within and many depths for us to explore in terms of our Soul.
I know I heavily invested in my outer appearance for many years, in more recent years I have spent more time investing and embracing my inner qualities and interestingly all my outer qualities then reflect the beauty and wisdom felt from within.
Bad haircuts are difficult to deal with as we have to live with them until it grows out – they can be a source of shame and embarrassment but also teach us a lot, about our identification with our looks first and foremost.
This blog has supported me to look at an area of my life that needed attention, understanding and healing. I asked the question what is this block or this obstacle showing me because it’s still there and does not appear to be moving. I was persistent and the answer came, which now I am busy re-imprinting. We really do have all the answers from within, but we do have to be willing to go there and feel it to release it. Awareness is priceless.
I had huge investment on my looks and image, which just meant I was not connected with my body and my inner package – the innate qualities of stillness, elegance and gracefulness as all women hold within.
When we identify ourselves by our physical characteristics to feel feminine we totally underestimate how much our innate qualities and integrity can be felt, appreciated and built upon.
This is an amazing blog Megan, thankyou for sharing your experiences with your hair and the valuable lesson it taught you… and the reminder of how much we are loved, in that the lesson will keeping coming back round until we get it!
We will get the lesson when we choose to heal and be aware of what truly is going on, ‘There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.’
Thank you Megan, this is really an amazing story because of how the opportunities continually presented for you to get free of the beliefs and ideals you held of femininity relating to hair. There is such a huge consciousness around all facets of appearance and body image and connecting that to being a female, when our true femaleness is already there in our innermost essence.
“There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face” We are offered the opportunity to look at why we may be reacting to any problem or obstacle we face.
In any traumatic experience, for a trauma to become a trauma, we have to say yes to it. Otherwise, we cannot file it in the trauma file.