Isn’t it strange how we can be on what seems like a never-ending merry-go-round searching for joy. Constantly thinking we will find it in the perfect job, house or partner – if only I had ‘this or that’. So often we drift from one thing to the next, never really committing to life in full, always thinking the next thing will be the one that changes our life.
But what if it was not something outside of us – such as a job, a house or a relationship – that brings about true change? What if it was about making that commitment to self first that then brought the true change and lasting joy that we so long for and seek?
I have been part of that searching for something outside of myself that I thought would make me happy in life – the religion, the partying, the cool gang, the art, the guru, the yoga, the job, the travel, the hundreds of career changes, the diet, the perfect body, the relationship, the self help, the new age, the course, the qualification, all the “if only this or that then my life would be different”…
But the fact is, none of them worked. I thought they did for a while, but all they did was distract me with moments of excitement, happiness, sadness, recognition, acceptance, complication, numbness or obsession, all to avoid feeling what was really going on.
In truth I was looking for something to distract me from feeling the emptiness and sadness I felt by not allowing myself the time and space to stop and feel what I was really looking for… and that was me, my connection to God, and the love that I am and feel inside of me.
I avoided committing to myself and to life like the plague, even though it was the one thing I knew that would turn my life around. On a daily basis, this lack of commitment to self, to fully being with me, impacted my ability to fully commit to life
With the support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine this has changed. I now know commitment is not about some huge big thing, as we have been led to believe, but it is about everything in life, no matter how big or small. Such as:
- Booking a doctor’s appointment when I first need it and not putting it off.
- Booking a dental check up, not waiting for them to get in touch.
- Getting the car checked, and whatever needs done.
- Going food shopping, not leaving it till the cupboards are bare.
- Creating the space to prepare and eat food that will truly support and nourish me.
- Taking my time being present, not rushing, stressing and thinking about the day, week or even month ahead.
- Going to the toilet when I need to and not putting it off because I’m doing something else.
- Opening letters and not just putting them away in drawers – usually bank statements.
- Being responsible with money, not spending more than I have but also feeling I am worth spending money on.
- Saying yes when I mean yes and no when I mean no.
- Being in a job fully present, not looking for another job or wanting to be somewhere else.
- Being totally committed to being in an intimate relationship with someone and not worrying about past hurts or the future, the ‘what ifs’ or buts.
- Going to bed when my body feels tired, not staying up “just another five minutes”.
- Speaking up, in full, not holding back my expression.
- If I say I will do something, committing to it and taking responsibility, not making excuses to avoid it or doing it with resentment.
- Being responsible for myself and how I am – not dumping my day, stuff or issues on anyone else.
- Expressing myself in full, in everything I do, be it teaching a class, walking the dog, how I do my hair or what I choose to wear, not holding back any part of me.
Commitment doesn’t have to be something to avoid, dread or put off for as long as possible. Commitment to self and to life is an absolute joy that can be felt, even in the simplest of little things.
Like saying yes from our absolute fullness and meaning it, from connecting with a friend, making a commitment to stop on the way home from work to buy a certain food because that’s what we feel to eat, or saying yes to a relationship, to ourselves, I want to be with you 110%.
The truth is, when we choose to commit to life in full, to a job, a relationship, a choice, ourselves, it feels amazing, there’s not one ounce of heaviness or dread, just an incredible feeling of lightness, freedom, joy, simplicity, clarity, power and absolute strength. There is no room for fleeting moments of self-doubt or wavering thoughts, no anxiousness or ‘what ifs’ or buts, just the absolute simplicity and joy of life in full.
What I have also come to discover, is that commitment is much more than all of this: yes, this was and is a great and huge start, but I have had the opportunity to go much deeper with this – commitment is much more than what I do, it’s actually about the quality and presence I am in, or to put it another way, how I am in whatever it is I am doing.
For example when I go for a walk, I am walking with me, not planning my day or thinking about everything else; or when I am teaching a class – yes I am committed to prepare lessons, turn up each day, but what makes all the difference is that I am there, fully present with myself and the children.
When I am not thinking about anything else apart from the very moment I am in, that is commitment in full, not only to whatever I am doing and whoever I am with, but also commitment to myself and to life in full.
By Gyl Rae, 37, Teacher, Scotland