I have noticed something worrying about the dynamics in our playground at school. Children are nervous about telling people when things do not feel right because there is a culture of being labelled as a ‘snitch’ or ‘grass’ or ‘tell-tale’.
So the children are learning to keep quiet, not saying out loud what they feel and know, whether it is something that has happened to them or something they have observed. This feels like a big ouch for all of us (I am sure our playground is not unique) – that children do not feel safe enough to express what they are feeling.
More so, I think this is perpetuated beyond the playground, in a society that does not want to open its eyes to what is really going on (ongoing conflict worldwide from the disharmony in our homes – accepting arguing as a natural, even healthy part of relationships – to full blown warfare between nations and everything in between, including domestic violence, road rage and cultural and religious divides). We blindly carry on, keeping quiet, whilst all around us these awful things continue.
Are we hoping someone else will do something; are we making excuses for not putting our heads above the parapet to say “This is madness”, all the while trying to convince ourselves that it is all OK?
As long as our nests are secure and apparently unaffected (“sure we argue sometimes, but the war is overseas”) we carry on regardless of the hurt and chaos. Heads down, eyes averted in case we see the same confusion and/or pain in someone else’s eyes and have to feel our own.
Back in the playground the child shakes away their disbelief that no one else is seeing and feeling what they are seeing and feeling, and starts to normalise the things that are not OK: rough play, foul words, gender competition, cruelty to fellow human beings etc.
As I observe the beginnings of this behaviour in the playground I am shaken to my core by the impact of not having spoken up and I am inspired by the fact that I always have a choice:
I can start to practise speaking, writing, standing and walking from a truth I know inside,
OR
I can continue to play the social game – the well-oiled machine of my beautiful manners, well-rehearsed small talk and polite pleasantries.
I feel clumsy as I flounder between these two things: the comfy, familiar habit of social niceties and rightness, and the emerging, urgent, ‘loving humanity’ demand for truth. So just in case I hesitate for a moment, I consider “What happens when I/we do not speak up?”
The playground scene is a brilliant micro of the world. If we do not speak up and make ourselves heard, everyone suffers, getting used to a standard of behaviour between human beings that is cruel, divisive, aggressive and combative.
This foundation is then built into our lives and society: in our relationships – with a lack of respect and judgment about gender that is rife; in our attitude towards life – that it is a dog-eat-dog, combative world and that we have to be tough to survive; in our attitude towards work – do only what is required to keep ourselves provided for and safe; and in our relationship with ourselves – “I am worthless in the big picture and too small to make a difference.”
With deep appreciation for the love and support of the Benhayon family, the work of Universal Medicine and the inspiring life changes made by Students of the Livingness, I am allowing myself to see that there is another way which can turn all this on its head, and that my speaking the truth of what I feel and see in the world will not be treacherous, threatening and scary.
That, and in my willingness to re-learn to say things out loud, I can make a difference and the ripple effect of this is much more far reaching than I can possibly imagine.
Simply put, and in conclusion, my polite silence means I am part of letting the rot continue and pervade. Not OK!
“The world is a dangerous place not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.” Albert Einstein
by Matilda Clark, Registered Midwife, Registered Nurse, Trainee Teacher, Mother of 3, Hampshire, UK
Further Reading:
Learning To Express Our Feelings
Taking Responsibility and Speaking my Truth
Trusting our ‘True Voice’ and Expression
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
What has been shared here is the enormity of our problems existing around the world and it is disturbing to read. But because you don’t have research or stats backing you up, then this often is seen as a void/flawed piece of sharing.
Let’s look from an individual perspective that has not spoken up. I can honestly say I ended up with hypothyroidism, I get a lump in my throat for withholding my truth, its tight, and restrictive and the frustration cranks up and the tears will often flow. So can we imagine years of this behaviour and the impact it has on the body but the disservice it has on another.
So I, as an individual is accountable for doing my part to not be part of this game then?
Something worth thinking about…
I cringed when I read this blog again as not speaking up has been a common behaviour of mine from a very young age. Please don’t think that I’m thinking this is an isolated case, it is absolutely rife within humanity. The impact it has on another is not on. And when someone attempts to speak up, the force of the many is upon them to shut them down.
This has been a working progress and I continue to stumble and fumble. The art of written communication is my biggest draw back and what I mean by that, it is something that I’ve struggled in this world where written intellect furthers a human being. Whilst I deliver in the simplicity format, which is unseen yet just as effective, yet not accepted.
Speaking up comes in many format and it needs to be from the time we hold a newborn, to the time we say goodbye to our elders. It needs to come from one key thing we all hold within us and that is love, nothing less will do.
Isn’t it interesting how speaking up or not speaking up is refined? And what I mean by that is that it becomes so refined that our bodies and our awareness becomes sensitive when someone else is presenting or withholding their truth. Our responsibility is to continue on that path of presenting the truth and the rest will follow.
I have to say I have grown up not expressing, like many others around the world, and it is not on. With this lack of expression, I developed an endocrine condition, which I am still dealing with till today, thankfully with supportive medications.
I too have received support from the Benhayon’s, that there is another way to express and that is from who we truly are and its a reflection for others to follow, whether they wish to or not.
True expression is developing as I say yes to more, it has to start somewhere. You have to play your part in it too, the decision to say yes to it is the beginning…
Absolutely Matilda, ‘The playground scene is a brilliant micro of the world. If we do not speak up and make ourselves heard, everyone suffers, getting used to a standard of behaviour between human beings that is cruel, divisive, aggressive and combative.’ Great to have brought this topic up for us all to reflect on.
I agree it is a playground, and the new norm trending is overwhelm. Let’s see how we can dump on another as we have a time line, so we will make it someone else’s problem. These many behaviours are everywhere. I could not agree with you more…
I am so glad I read this blog today as it is so relatable, speaking up quite a bit at work and it hasn’t been anything like I would have ever imagined or expected. Whereas in the past I would have believed that I shouldn’t or can’t speak up because it won’t matter. “my speaking the truth of what I feel and see in the world will not be treacherous, threatening and scary.” and nor it is pointless or just ‘a single voice’ that has no clout.
Yes work is a playground, and it brings up so much with our expression. It only takes one to express from their natural essence, then it is reflection for others to do the same – we have a responsibility.
In our silence we do contribute to the rot in society as Matilda has so very well shared in the blog, and though our greatest ‘fear’ seems to be the fear of speaking up against the grain or for being ‘outed’, in reality the biggest hurdle is admitting to how much we have actually contributed to the ills of the world by our very own silence.
By keeping quiet, we contribute to the rot in society, ‘ I think this is perpetuated beyond the playground, in a society that does not want to open its eyes to what is really going on’. Absolutely.
Spot on Gill, I also recall a time when I actually spoke what I felt, and I got slammed for this – it taught me very clearly to say to people what they wanted to hear rather than the truth of what I felt.
We can learn from a very young age to not speak up about what we are feeling – when those around us are not open and receptive or responsive to that what is being shared, or worse when they tell you to be quiet and not complain or that we are best being seen but not heard…we learn to shut down our expression. And the same can be carried into adulthood where we continue to bite our tongues and not speak up as we so naturally need to.
Henrietta taking your comment deeper when we shut down our natural expression we then go into our minds and have the conversation in our heads, we can say and do anything in our minds but this has a ripple effect because we can get locked in our minds and discount what we are feeling in our bodies so we become numb to the world around us. I had this experience myself and it took quite a few years to realise how damaging it was to be locked in my mind how much I had damaged my self by being in abusive relationships which were not loving and trashing my body. The mind doesn’t care about the body at all it just wants the control over the body and as I have said that is a recipe for disaster.
We do learn from very young to keep quiet and not express the truth, ‘the children are learning to keep quiet, not saying out loud what they feel and know’.
What we do (or do not do) and how we live is setting an example for those around us, whether we like it or not, and whether it is an inspirational example or not.
By speaking the truth we inspire others to equally express the truth, ‘I can start to practise speaking, writing, standing and walking from a truth I know inside.’
Truth is our greatest ally, yet sometimes our desire to belong – how corrupt and abusive that which we associate ourselves as being part of, seems to be greater than being with truth. It really is a vicious circle as when we part with truth we are less of, and with, ourselves hence the greater need for there being others to feel confirmed – even though it is in the pit of utter corruption and abuse .
““The world is a dangerous place not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.” Albert Einstein” This quote, variously attributed to Einstein and also Edmund Burke, has resonated with me for years since I first heard it. With elections due in many countries soon it is the minority who actually turn out and vote. Yet the majority then endure the policies created – and maybe complain about them. We have a vote. We have a voice It’s important to use them both.
“… children do not feel safe enough to express what they are feeling.” I’m not sure this is just a current phenomenon. Not sure when I learned to be quiet, as my mother certainly spoke up. But it is important for those of us who are adults to express and speak up, as a reflection to young ones that it is ok to speak your mind. Apathy is a huge killer, allowing bullies to dominate.
Someone gave me some great advice, it was that it would be better to commit to expressing and get it wrong sometimes than not express at all
It’s a powerful piece Matilda because it’s so simple and clear, that without each person speaking up we allow standards to degrade and become normal. Not wanting to stand out, rock the boat, or seem impolite are some of the reasons we hold back, but the consequences for our communities are not worth it.
Great blog and great observations of life here. Yes we all know when something is not right but we have all experienced that fear of what might happen if we go against the majority or mob rule that seems to run just about everything in this world these days. But how bad does it have to get and how close to our own doorstep before we do stand up for what we know is the right or loving thing to do in our daily lives?
Great point Andrew – how far do we need to allow things to go before we reclaim our rightful and natural expression? This is a pertinent question for any one of us to ask and to then take into our lived actions.
We do learn as children to keep quiet by not expressing what we feel and know because it is not welcomed by the adults. As you correctly say Matilda children do not feel safe enough to express what they are feeling and so bottle it up or have the conversation in their heads. Is this how we get a society that stands by while abuse is rife in all walks of life because we were shut down as children? If this is true it shows us all that we have a huge responsibility to treat children as the young adults they are and not treat them as lessor to Adults.
“I can make a difference and the ripple effect of this is much more far reaching than I can possibly imagine.” And when more and more of us speak up the ripple becomes a tsunami for change.
The behaviours we cultivate while growing up do extend out into our working lives and relationships, and then we wonder why we have such a negative relationship with work or hate our job. Quite often it’s our approach that determines if we enjoy our job or not, and not speaking up is a sure way of having things sour at work.
Don’t speak up and the body cops it, speak up and the body is free.
This is so true; ‘The playground scene is a brilliant micro of the world. If we do not speak up and make ourselves heard, everyone suffers, getting used to a standard of behaviour between human beings that is cruel, divisive, aggressive and combative.’ Thank you for writing this article, it is very much needed.
Matilda, I really appreciate that you have written about abuse, particularly in the playground. I have observed this too and find it such a shame that children feel unable to speak up and express what is going on. It feels really important for us to speak up against abuse and to role model this our children.