per·fec·tion / pərˈfekSH(ə)n/ – the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects.
The idea of being perfect once offered me something finite – a finish, closure, an end. It was something I could strive for and achieve. An expected goal. It was an old familiar feeling and very comfortable, however it was a form of imprisonment.
Freedom from flaws was a hard task, restrictive and near impossible. It was like the Geisha, living a life of controlled gestures, highly skilled and pleasing others.
Striving for perfection is demanding, exhausting and all consuming: driven by an external force of never feeling enough and always keeping it together.
But what if there is no perfection in life and nature – only cycles? Cycles impulse around and around, they are naturally and forevermore expanding and evolving, there is no end to these cycles. There is no stagnation, only change.
Can we measure perfection? Being perfect at a task, by the way we look, by what we do, say or think?
Perhaps we cannot measure perfection because we are forever evolving? This means that there must be change in everything we think, do and express. We are forever expanding and can always go deeper… in our conversations, our movements, in our connection with self.
What if our expression in life will never be perfect and nor should it be; perhaps being perfect is just a concept we have hung onto, thinking that in some way it made us ‘better’ or more lovable.
In the past, believing the idea of perfection pushed me to improve, achieve, to try, and to separate from my natural flow and beauty as a woman. In choosing to try to be perfect it often took me so far away from myself that I felt disconnected from life and my inner feelings.
Being a perfectionist felt like I had no sense of humour; it felt like wearing a suit of armour and having tightly bound feet, restrictive and joyless. It was seemingly protecting me from the hurts of the world, but really it blocked the love within me from expressing outwards.
Perfectionism held me back from being my gorgeous, playful, fluid and powerful self. In many ways trying to be perfect has prevented me from truly connecting with others, never allowing myself to feel unravelled, exposed and free to walk my own path. I have been lost in the illusion that ‘I am only worthy of love if I am perfect’. This simply is not true.
The truth is that I am not perfect and deep within me is a knowing that this is okay… as there is no such thing as perfection.
Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing.
I no longer choose to be a perfectionist. I am unwinding the tightly bound beliefs of this imposition. I am slipping out of the corset and straitjacket of glamour and unhinging the ‘love blocking’ suit of armour. I have removed the facade and taken off the mask. Every day I feel more light and lovely – I am now enjoying appreciating myself without the need to be perfect.
In fact, I feel the true beauty within me that is strong, still, powerful and forever evolving. I now know who I am. I am an extraordinarily beautiful Woman just being myself, and there is no room for perfection in that. I am worthy of the deep love that flows from within me and is expressed out to the world every single day. I celebrate this love and appreciate all that I am without perfection.
Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect.
I am deeply and forevermore inspired by the teachings of Serge Benhayon, Natalie Benhayon, Universal Medicine and The Ageless Wisdom.
By Kathryn Fortuna, Inner Image Consultant
Further reading:
Accepting Your Imperfections and Grandness
Whoops Is One Of My Favourite Words – A Message From the Author
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
Perceiving that imperfection as a reflection to support and enable evolution is liberation as to strive for perfection is to be shackled to an impossible dream.
Perfectionism is a perfect setup to keep humanity clawing away at any impossible image… Anything to stop the emperors clothes for being revealed what they are.
We are forever expanding and can always go deeper, life is never about being perfect, that is simply a trap that can hold us back, ‘ what if there is no perfection in life and nature – only cycles? Cycles impulse around and around, they are naturally and forevermore expanding and evolving, there is no end to these cycles. There is no stagnation, only change.’
Gosh I love this blog! You’re spot on when you say perfection has no sense of humour – I know it well and to my detriment. But I now see perfection for what it is – a creation to keep us involved in existing instead of evolving and living the future. “I am now enjoying appreciating myself without the need to be perfect.” Imperfectly perfect and really enjoying it – that’s me 🙂
Coming to understand that there is no perfection in this world was like releasing a strait jacket that had kept the real me contained for most of my life. And what an exhausting way to live it was, as the belief that everything had to be perfect was always sitting there on my shoulder and the second that the perfection was not achieved it was a reason to begin to beat myself up; a double whammy. These days there is no seeking perfection, just being open to accept the realness of any situation; a much more harmonious way to be.
Also, what a perfect representation of imperfection – “Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing.” Sounds just perfect to me.
Needed blog. The human being is imperfect however, you can be the perfect human being living to the cycles and understanding what it means to be in rhythm and out of rhythm – both are perfectly designed to confirm the what is or the what is not.
Perfection has no end point, deliberately so. It has a constant moving set of goal posts that are never set in stone but always on the move depending on where you are. Perfection is a mind controlled view that has you locked down and focussed on, well being perfect. As the article is saying how can this be true or even real considering what we see in the world and possibly perfection is just a perception and depending on how you see the world it is how you view perfection. For me there is perfection still around us but how we are with ourselves has a direct link on how we view the world and so if you are locked down, tight and controlled, you will see perfection as the same while if you live true to what you are feeling and are flexible, honest and sensitive then perfection will be something you will see in everything, no matter what look sits on the surface or how it plays out.
Perfectionism is a trap, and a very draining trap that holds you back from being your natural amazing self, ‘Striving for perfection is demanding, exhausting and all consuming: driven by an external force of never feeling enough and always keeping it together.’
‘Striving for perfection is demanding, exhausting and all consuming: driven by an external force of never feeling enough and always keeping it together.’ I agree, especially about the exhausting bit. Luckily I’m an ex-perfectionist who is learning to enjoy life and grow with all her imperfections.
Great blog! Who wants perfection when you can have divinity and multi-dimensionality?
Perfection must be one of the most barbaric concepts we have created. We never get to feel or appreciate who we are or our inner qualities, we instead just chase after the concept of perfection which conveniently is ever changing. We can’t even ask someone how it felt to reach the destination of perfection because there is no such thing and who would deem it “perfect” anyway? It’s very much a part of this linear consciousness of everything moving forward in a line, and that we are going somewhere and have to reach a destination, instead of surrendering inwards to all we already are.
‘ I am an extraordinarily beautiful Woman just being myself, and there is no room for perfection in that.’ I love how you deeply appreciate and celebrate all your qualities Kathryn, this is such an important step in deepening the relationship with ourselves and feeling our amazingness all the time leaving no room for any perfection for in truth we already are everything.
Accepting imperfections – be it in ourselves, others or a scratch on a heater, is liberating.
‘What if our expression in life will never be perfect and nor should it be; perhaps being perfect is just a concept we have hung onto, thinking that in some way it made us ‘better’ or more lovable.’ When we are striving to be perfect we are already out of tune with ourselves and chasing an idea of what we think we should be rather than allowing ourselves to be in the present, mind and body at one.
Thank you Kathryn what an absolute mega confirming truthfull blog that is so needed to be out there for people to read. As this is a point were we have capped ourselves so much in life, that we lost true sense of what this ‘perfection’ actually causes and means.. Not the nice’ idea we first thought. But a strive of something unachievable and only imagined in the so-called mind. Hence unlocking us from all the deceptions is a gift for us all, and this blog is a start of that. Thank you. Lets unlock more of the hidden goods around ‘being perfect’.
Perfection to me now is only a concept I used in the past which never brought me the satisfaction I needed form it as it was never good enough. Being with myself and feeling that graciousness that lives in me being expressed in the world is now for me the way to live, and this is the best I can and in a way is always perfect in alignment with where I am at in my evolution back to Soul.
Perfectionism is like a prison, an impossible aspiration where the bar is set forever higher and nothing is ever good enough. Perfectionism also feels cold, harsh and demanding – the forever raised finger and the perpetual expectation of being punished for something done. Perfectionism is a plague and a mental health hazard. Perfectionism also stops people from reaching their true potential.
Well said gabrieleconrad. It is an absolutely crippling concept that so many of us have fallen for, which really does cap our potential.
We are perfect in our imperfection.
One of the greatest keys to being able to embody forth a divine life on earth is to know that there is no perfection on this plane. We are all imperfect, and yet we are originally and truly divine and from another harmonious plane of life. When we live from this true divine brotherhood we understand about imperfection and there is no judgment..
This is so true Kathryn. I am realising that there is no such thing as being perfect or in perfection because we are all part of the universe and the universe is forever expanding. The concept of perfection is created to suppress our evolution so we think we have or can reach a place of perfection and that is it. So, striving for perfection is like putting our breaks on our evolution and pretty much going against the flow of the universe.
As I was reading this blog, I realised my idea of perfection was based on my perceived idea of what others would consider ‘perfect’. Therefore it has no basis in reality and really only comes from my own beliefs and interpretation of past events. It is quite elusive like shifting sands and leaves me feeling unsteady and unsure. Accepting I am not perfect and I cant possibly know or meet what everyone in the world would expect of me, creates a lot of space and ease in my body. It seems imperfection is definitely something to embrace.
Thank you Fiona, I enjoyed reading your contribution. For the most part we don’t have this expectation of perfection on babies, we accept them as they are, care for them, and enjoy how they grow and learn. Ironically, we may feel their love, joy and innocence and consider them utterly perfect! I’m not sure when expectations come in but they feel so very harsh compared to the freedom, love, and adoration we hold babies in. They are also very narrow because there is so much of us to appreciate and enjoy about ourselves as beings, and the concept of being perfect is like squashing that into a tiny space, or ignoring it completely to focus on the physical body/life only.
The more we embrace our imperfections the closer we get to living our true selves.
Here it is – God’s genius in perfect imperfection. When we look to the world, humanity, our own individual life and its details – it’s far from perfect, yet there’s an order we can feel that is holding us all and that imperfection makes perfect sense in the scope of our evolution/expansion.
Beautiful Katie.
I am always interested about how for example we know that perfection is not existing on this plane earth, yet we keep going and going for that. What I got to feel, having had this subject quite present in my life, that this is simply a distraction away of who we are. That it is another way of escaping the oh so scared feeling of letting go of all we have created and giving us over, surrendering us back to the source of Soul (were we come from). Hence it makes a lot of sense that with our current intelligence and present knowledge we still choose and do the things we do that are seemingly not working. So it is just a matter of seeing that and being willing to change.
Placing myself on a pedestal never worked but understanding the balance in life that has led me to the understanding that all I do is to the best of my ability is so empowering. This last statement takes the guessing game out of life and also takes away, right and wrong, good and bad, by introducing mistakes as part of our evolution. Thank you Kathryn for sharing about im-perfection.
I love your blog Kathryn, totally dismantling the locks and bars that imprisons us from the illusion of having to be perfect. Beautifully expressed and hugely inspiring. When we embrace letting go of trying to be perfect we can instantly feel a sense of expansion, lightness and playfulness.
There is perfection; yet it is divine and does not belong to human beings. Moreover, when humans play with this idea is always to highlight that there are some things or people that are better than others. It is always tainted by comparison or competition. The ‘perfect’ prison.
What a great blog this is to re-visit Kathryn – thankfully, perfectionism is impossible and instead of making us more lovable, it does the exact opposite as we get more demanding of others to be more perfect too. A horrible way to live and it is great to expose it for the prison it is to support letting go of the stranglehold it can have upon us..
“What if our expression in life will never be perfect and nor should it be; perhaps being perfect is just a concept we have hung onto, thinking that in some way it made us ‘better’ or more lovable”.
What I’ve realised reading this again is perfectionism belongs to the world of form, to the physical world. So long as I still identify with that and not my being, which is completely formless, then perfectionism can still hook me. I can still buy into pictures of how I or life need to be. As I write I feel my being, and it’s completely indescribable. How could something beyond this world and its concepts even be related to perfectionism? It’s truly a revelation just to feel this. I can see that this world is about the degradation of all that is pure, sacred and true, it’s a focus on the physical and not the being, and that evolution is a continual elevation back to the being we truly are.
Ah reading this one again is such a good reminder. I know I have written it before but really there is only one kind of perfect to be and that is perfectly imperfect. Anything else is just – as you say – a straight jacket.
I too have lived in the ‘perfection’ camp, it isn’t a very loving or supportive place to be, in fact it is quite the opposite. It is a place where you are forever second guessing yourself, always self judgemental, condemning oneself also. What I have learned is that when you are always operating in this space, you are never allowing the glory of the real you to enter, if you are allowing whatever comes into your mind to be the truth, listening to it, believing it, then it will always win. But if you learn to throw out the criticism, the moment it comes in, letting them go, telling them to go, this then creates the space for more love and appreciation to come in.
So true Raegan, being open to letting the appreciation of being in The Livingness simply opens the door to connecting more deeply to our inner-most.
Striving for perfection has been such a trap for me, a complete distraction and ultimately unobtainable and so therefore I would often feel paralysed from starting something knowing I could never do it perfectly. The freedom and joy that comes from allowing releases the control and embracing the understanding that there is always support, if we are open to receiving it, has transformed my life. Perfectionism can seem like a responsible way to live but for me it certainly meant I was avoiding life and thus responsibility. Accepting and appreciating that I am doing the best I can feels more responsible and I get way more done than when I was trying to control everything around me to get the ‘perfect’ outcome.
Perfectionism is the biggest trap, one I lived caught in for many years. Everything you share here Kathryn I can relate to. What I found challenging in stepping out of it was to feel how so very vulnerable I felt when I began to let it go. I had become my way of “keeping it all together” in life. Yet in truth, I had nothing together, just a lot of doubt and self judgement. Trust has changed this for me, what do I trust,
the, steadiness that I am within. This completely laughs at perfectionism.
Let’s embrace ‘imperfection’ with open arms. Let love in, let love out, observe imperfection!
The consciousness of ‘perfection’ what this falsely means in our society is what we have to date been driven by. To achieve this state of ‘perfection’ by shaping ourselves on images from an outside world, as otherwise we are considered less, is an unattainable state as the images are never fixed and always changing. But what if there was a true perfection that it is a quality, a state of being-ness that emanates from the union of our body and Soul, a quality that consistently calls us to be All that we Divinely are, and anything less that this is imperfect, flawed and corrupted? As in this state of being, in union with God we are truly free from the conditions of creation that solely aim to hold us as less, reduced, and contracted from living All that we truly and actually are.
I have come to the realisation that it is such a trap to think that one day you will get somewhere and that will be it, and that when you actually stop and consider the fact that we can always grow, learn, expand and evolve, you realise what a true gift that really is!
We create these ‘prisons of perfection’ fashioned from the many ideals we subscribe to in order to keep us small and safe, lest we let go and feel the true majesty we are.
Perfectionism seems to be the opposite of appreciation, I know for me perfectionism thrived until I began to fill my awareness with my many beautiful qualities through self appreciation. Trying to be perfect held less and less appeal as I began to take delight in all of who I am. Perfectionism is such an illusion, yet it definitely can have a very powerful and destructive hold on us.
What is so attractive in the idea of there being ‘perfection’ is that that signals a point where we can wash our hands of whatever we have been involved in up to that point, and relax ever after. Perfectionism fights against the fact that we live in cycles and we are forever evolving, expanding and that we are all the ones that create the Oneness – no wonder it’s so exhausting.
Kathryn, I love what you have presented and it’s really supportive to read this right now, to know the trap we create for ourselves with perfection and for me to see that my quest to be perfect came not just from wanting to be loved but wanting to be safe and secure; I understood love to be that safety in fact and saw it as only available if I deserved, or was ‘perfect’ in some way. But it’s a trap and a forever loop of seeking and trying and the biggest trick is that it’s not possible to be perfect here, and we are all lovable as we are, deserving of that love because no matter what we do, underneath in all of us is an essence that is love.
‘Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing’. These are wise words Kathryn that completely takes away the oppressive and rigid pressure of perfectionism to allow the awareness and understanding that our imperfections are merely a gift and opportunity to learn and evolve.
It’s true Kathryn when we strive for perfection there is never any closure for we are never satisfied, it is never enough.
‘Freedom from flaws was a hard task, restrictive and near impossible. It was like the Geisha, living a life of controlled gestures, highly skilled and pleasing others.’ What a prison we have made with the geisha tradition. But just about everything is structured in a similar way! Freedom comes from being who we really are, flaws and all, and perfectionism is a construct that just doesn’t work.
Working in the design industry I can easily get bogged down by perfection, the perfect colour or getting something just right but by doing so I can feel how suffocating and frustrating this is as it is so often the so called accidental results that end up being the strongest designs.
‘Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment movement and magic’, I can feel how restrictive it is to focus on finding perfection as by doing so we miss out on allowing the magic to unfold.
‘This means that there must be change in everything we think, do and express’ this is so true and being caught up in perfection I have never viewed life this way, that life is constantly fluid, changing and evolving so how can anything ever be perfect as there are no end points only moments to appreciate within a cycle.
Kathryn your following question is for me the best question ever: “Perhaps we cannot measure perfection because we are forever evolving?” Living a life with knowing that we are forever evolving means there is no stagnation or an end hence there is no time for perfection.
The beauty of our imperfections belies us all as it is the honesty and realness shared from our soul. We can learn so much from the honesty of our imperfections and its rawness. We are not perfectly built machines but people with unique qualities and nuances, forever evolving and learning from one another.
“What if our expression in life will never be perfect and nor should it be; perhaps being perfect is just a concept we have hung onto, thinking that in some way it made us ‘better’ or more lovable.” I love what you wrote Kathryn as perfection feels like a prison which most of us are living in. Perfection holds us be like puppets keeping us unaware so each move becomes not our own move. It is really time to debunk perfection for what it is – a deceiver.
‘Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect.’ If I read this I felt how flat and dull perfection is, how serious we need to be and how we don’t allow any magic in our lives to come through, a narrow path to walk on and we are so afraid to fall off. How different to how imperfection feels, how it allows to connect to our power. That’s what your blog feels like to me Kathryn, very powerful!
It really is wonderful to read about imperfection. As soon as I started reading it the kookaburras started laughing… It is so against what every one is striving for… The constant reaching for the unobtainable, and it can go on for a whole lifetime.
I am glad you wrote about perfection Kathryn. As I am reading about perfection I can feel how my lack of self esteem and worth played out in having perfection with in my home . I felt exhausted and unfulfilled and not validated. It did feel restricted and joyless and with out connection, but dutiful and frustrated.
Not only do all of our imperfections help us grow and develop as a person but it’s also our imperfections that actually make us human….
‘Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment’. A great line that speaks volumes. If we were all perfect there would be no evolution.
Being imperfect with yourself is a deeply loving way to hold who you are in a tender embrace with all the understanding that you deserve.
Perfectionism will never allow us to appreciate in full as there is always another goal to reach and to strive for.
Something I am developing to live is a rhythm of confirming and appreciating myself and this is opening up a space in myself to be perfectly imperfect and imperfectly perfect.
Perfectionism makes it about time, a very linear way of living and thus an illusion we are trapped in and never about space, a way of living in cycles, a truth we can all feel in our bodies.
‘Striving for perfection is demanding, exhausting and all consuming: driven by an external force of never feeling enough and always keeping it together.’ With this we ask for recognition and this has no end if we try to be perfect, the ‘trying’ it says it all, we will never get there.
‘We are forever expanding and can always go deeper … in our conversations, our movements, in our connection with self.’ What I can feel as I read this is how there is a fear/restriction that I hold around this – a trepidation of “What will come up if I do?” However to stunt the awareness and to try and put the brakes on expanding feels vey limiting and un-evolutionary and is in fact very controlling. This is what we are doing when we try to be perfect.
.Thank you for sharing your awesome blog.
We are not meant to be perfect. So true…yet society, still puts so much pressure on themselves, to get it right, or to know it all and when they don’t, they make themselves less, which creates self- worth issues. This has been work in progress for me. I am learning it is okay, to ask for support where needed. I don’t have to know it all. It is okay for us all to have our whoops moments, this I am learning…… Embracing my imperfections. I now know, in essence we are all the same, but each of us, has our very own expression. With all these different expressions we have, we can support each other to do, what is needed in this world…. true brotherhood. Get to know our strengths and our imperfections and fully embrace them.
“I am an extraordinarily beautiful Woman just being myself, and there is no room for perfection in that” this is so true, in being ourself is no space for perfection, as I have experienced perfectionism is only holding me back, to try to live up to the ideals of something that in truth is not me. As in core we are not perfect, we are always learning, which in truth is the beauty of life.
‘Cycles impulse around and around, they are naturally and forevermore expanding and evolving, there is no end to these cycles. There is no stagnation, only change.’ If I look at society it seems only to be based on perfection, we have to strive to get our goal and then we are setting the next goal and so on and so on. A forever exhausting experience, and it is creating a lot of emotions too. Living with cycles feels natural but I still can caught up in setting a goal and trying the perfection mode but my body is clearly showing that is not the way. I loose my connection and feeling of expansion and frustration and tightness (old and not so good friends) are back in town. So Kathryn, I am with you on ‘Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing’.
“But what if there is no perfection in life and nature – only cycles?” I love this Kathryn! Cycles are a beautiful unfoldment for our lives. We are forever learning and evolving when we are ready.
Such a gorgeous blog to re-visit and be reminded of your wise words Kathryn – ‘Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect.’ – Such perfect timing for me to read this thank you.
Anna, I am starting to grasp (and accept joyfully) I am part of this Divine order and greater plan, and this is giving me the true confidence I could never imagine I would have.It is a feeling of flow and naturalness in my body which feels exquisite.
There is no perfection because we are forever evolving. That is such a liberating perspective. Then it is just about evolving and learning. Life becomes light and playful, as in playing there is neither perfection. Ha, ha, anybody ever heard as a child to play perfect?
Reading today Kathryn I am touched by how you say “We are forever expanding and can always go deeper”. Whilst this could seem like a quest for some holy grail, today I can feel its not that at all, but just an allowing out of what we already are to live in harmony with all these cycles. The only perfection that is real is the way we are held continuously in this loving arrangement, learning we already are everything we ever need to be.
Yes Joseph the only perfection is the way we are held in these divine cycles. When I truly connect to this I am able to simply let go and trust that all is unfolding as it should. 🙂
A beautiful way to start the day Kathryn. Striving for perfection does not allow for the natural flow of love and our own evolution as you have so divinely observed. Letting go of perfection is like being released from a self-imposed prison and frees us to express the truth of who we are in every moment without restraint.
Evolution and cycles feel so expansive and limitless while perfection feels restrictive and suffocating. How strange that I have spent so long striving for something I don’t want. A craving for love has always been underneath my hunger for perfection and I can see I lose sight of this when I go into ‘perfection mode’.
I agree Leonne trying to be perfect actually is ‘A craving for love’. It is like shouting ‘See me, see me’ not recognising that we are so protected and so not ourselves that it’s not easy for anyone to see who we are. It is a horrible game we play to not accept and play down the grandness we already are.
What a great description of perfectionism Annelies. I can feel there is real desperation in perfectionism and it makes perfect sense that it is simply a craving for love. I have come to realise that the love I crave cannot be found outside of me and this makes striving for perfection seem ridiculous.
Striving for perfection is ridiculous Leonne! The choices our race have made are completely ridiculous. A whole planet of essentially deeply beautiful, funny, intelligent , loving beings, running around adopting ridiculous ways of behaving, to get the love we crave, when all the treasure of heaven above and earth below resides within our innermost hearts!
We are perfectly imperfect. The richness in life is our constant learning and the evolution this allows for.
I feel that we try and be perfect because we are not accepting of the divinity and total love that we are.
‘Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing’. Wow! There’s true energy in these words and so refreshing. They destroy long held beliefs of perfection, If only I had this as my template from childhood, how different I would have been in life.
Perfectionism to me seems to be just another way we set ourselves up to not feel good enough about ourselves, especially as the ideal keeps changing – so even if we did do something perfectly, we then change the marker to not be perfect. The perfect set up.
What a wonderful sharing Kathryn ! I have been caught in the false ideal of perfectionism in my life and I too see it in the young lives of small children through to the elderly.
Children suffer because their Parents are also caught in the trap too and they themselves don’t have the skills to get out so how can they help their young? For us to spread the word on the impossible need for Perfection can only help us all in the end become more appreciative of self and each other and enjoy our lives in all their joyous imperfections.
I love inviting friends home but in the past I always ended up exhausted before they even crossed the threshold. I had to think of everything, to the finest detail like sliced lemon in the cold water, the best plate to put the food on…. Having friends still means work but with far less anxiety. I no longer try to impress with my organisational skills. And I accept their help with pleasure. Perfectionism may not be totally out of my life yet, it is a persistent pest, but its days are numbered.
I absolutely relate to what you share here Patricia. I have done this many times myself. In fact I remember throwing a party after months of planning and being so stressed on the day I was picking fights (even though everything was ‘perfect’). On that day I realised that what I really wanted was connection with others, not the perfect shebang.
I love this Patricia, perfectionism being a persistent pest but one whose days are numbered! It can take some time to break our long held beliefs about how things should be and relax into a way of life that is simply by its divine nature. Simplicity is like the dissolver of perfectionism.
“Perhaps we cannot measure perfection because we are forever evolving?”. This is great because it breaks down that ideal that somehow we reach an end point where everything is “perfect”. The whole idea of perfection is a set up that prevents us for loving and accepting ourselves in any given moment.
This is a blog I love re-reading. Each time I do I feel another piece of the chain that’s held me in the imprisonment of perfection come off, bit by bit.. Beliefs around having to be perfect can run deep and they have a purpose– to undo us, to cut ourselves down from living and accepting the beauty we so naturally are. I love your glorious claiming Kathryn — ‘I am perfectly imperfect.’ Stunning.
‘It was seemingly protecting me from the hurts of the world, but really it blocked the love within me from expressing outwards.’ This I have experienced everyday – this feeling of not quite being enough, not quite made the grade – it feels heavy and debilitating. And like the armour it represents, perfectionism prevents us from shining ever so naturally out into the world who we are. I am not perfect – I am love. I am not perfect – I am evolving. I am not perfect – but the part I play fits with all others. I am not perfect – I am me.
Beautiful Lee. Reading this I can feel what a theatre perfectionism is an indulgent game that I use to hold back while I tell myself I am ‘trying to be more’.
Lee this will stay with me as I love this line – ‘I am not perfect – I am me.’
Perfection to me is how our bodies and the earth function. They are constantly making perfect choices as to what the situation is. ‘Perfection’ is never achieved but the system is perfect. If we feel what is going on we can also make the ‘perfect’ choice in any situation. Thank you Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for supporting me in so many ways.
Kathryn your description of perfection as the Geisha is priceless….”living a life of controlled gestures, highly skilled and pleasing others”.
It doesn’t feel like there is much room for joy or fun in a life lived like this.
You can only fail if you do not learn from your mistakes… with perfection you learn nothing.
I agree Steve, mistakes are just an opportunity for learning, so reacting and self-criticism only sabotage the gift of learning that moment has brought.
‘With perfection you learn nothing’ beautifully expressed Steve. One of the joys of life is appreciating our ‘whoops’ moments, being able to laugh at ourselves when we get it wrong and going deeper to connect to the learning. Without this we are standing still and life is very dull.
Does it do what you want it to do? It may not need to be perfect ever, but it works! How boring would freedom without flaws be? For one big one… we would all look the same!
Kathryn – I love the awareness and exposure you bring to rattle this old cage of perfectionism and see the lies it perpetuates. It is inspiring to read of you re-claiming the fiery and and gorgeous you.
“Perfectionism held me back from being my gorgeous, playful, fluid and powerful self. In many ways trying to be perfect has prevented me from truly connecting with others, never allowing myself to feel unravelled, exposed and free to walk my own path. I have been lost in the illusion that ‘I am only worthy of love if I am perfect’. This simply is not true”.
Perfectionism is a form of control. Trying to control yourself and the response you get back from other people and life in order not to get hurt. Embracing being ‘imperfect’ is so freeing – You free yourself up to be a true student of life and embrace the lessons that come to you. It also leaves greater space to love yourself for exactly who you are.
Spot on Kathryn! In my experience I’ve definitely experienced perfectionism as a form of control. I used to think that attention to detail and perfection were synonymous, however what I am learning to appreciate is that I can have an attention to detail which comes from the care I have for myself and others and that this is totally different that comes from the perfection that is driven by needing to control – self and others.
That’s beautiful Angela, I have noticed this difference too, I could pay attention to every detail as a way of trying to be perfect and thus out of control ( because I did not want to be judged as less when everything is not in order). Nowadays, it is out of the care for myself and all the people that I love, to pay attention to detail and that is never overdoing it but a lovely flow to be in and has its ripple effect to everyone because the love is felt.
When we are connected to our sacredness, our stillness, no judging thoughts come, they just cannot enter because there is not one part of us that can align to that, its just not possible.
So true Julie. When we are connected to our sacredness we are full of love and there is not room for judgement in that!
How simple and yet profoundly powerful is this fact ‘When we are connected to our sacredness we are full of love and there is not room for judgement in that!’ No room for judgement and I would add not room for self judgement as well as judgement of others.
Beautifully said Julie, and when l try to be perfect l see you as less than me or someone l need to compete with to be better than.
It’s a breeding ground for separation.
Beautiful Julie, if we start first from that connection then we can see and understand what is before us, and in that there can be no judgement.
What a great reminder Annie – approaching life and everything we do -always from the starting point of connection with ourselves, – and then when we observe that we have started to strive for perfection, it can simply be a marker that we have not made that connection!
‘Perfectionism held me back from being my gorgeous, playful, fluid and powerful self.’ – So true Kathryn and something I can relate to in my life. It is quite exhausting trying to live up to some ‘perfect’ picture, you never really get anywhere because you always end up creating more ideals and beliefs to live up to anyway. I am learning to let go of this pattern in my life and to be more honouring and appreciative of all the qualities I bring and your blog is a beautiful reminder of the power and joy we feel when we stop the perfectionism in our lives.
I can totally relate to this also Anna…. In my experience, being a perfectionist is not only stressful and exhausting, but also erodes self-worth because anything less than perfection can leave us never feeling good enough… And then when we feel ‘less’ as a result, we try to do ‘more’ to make up for the ‘less’ which just keeps this pattern in momentum…. It may be sustainable for a while but when there is eventually nothing to be perfect about, we can end up feeling lost or that we’ve failed. Making different choices and working on accepting imperfection and focussing on who I ‘am’, not what I ‘do’ has been a huge shift for me and one I can only say I’d highly recommend!
Hi Angela & Anna
This feeling LESS therefore doing MORE phenomenon is worldwide. In fact Gosh the world is propelled by this sort of activity. No wonder we are all exhausted.
I agree Anna, perfectionism is an ideal impossible to achieve, and the striving for perfection instantly shuts down our natural true way of expressing – so we lose joy of living in each moment just as we are.
I agree Anna, perfectionism is most definitely a trap which has us striving for an unobtainable ideal and belief, because when we have a sense we have done something near perfect it is my experience that the goal posts are changed and a new picture is formed to tell us there must be more, a better way or faster. It’s an illusion we play with wanting to believe that we are achieving and bettering ourselves, but in actual fact we are keeping ourselves down – feeding our lack of self worth.
I agree, Kathryn’s blog is a beautiful reminder of the power and joy we feel when we let go of perfectionism and actually appreciate ourselves for the natural beauty we bring to everything we do when we are connected to who we truly are and not living from ideals and beliefs that shaped us from young.
Yes Anna, as I was reading this blog a lovely smile kept creeping up over my face because it’s so true and insightful on what Kathryn was sharing and so so freeing. Perfectionism does so hold us back from being our gorgeous playful fluid and powerful self. I, like many other commenters here, are learning to let go of the shackles of perfection and get jiggy with the sexiness realness delightfulness that allowing imperfection brings.
I agree Kathryn, perfectionism is like a self made prison and one which will never loosen up if we don’t make that choice for ourselves. I have been playing with this myself of late and have discovered that there is a sense of freedom within my body and the choice to not be hard on myself comes as a huge relief. After all who said I had to be perfect – so it is my responsibility and choice to undo the behaviour which I have cultivated for so long.
Yes Julie and how empowering is it to know that we can choose to change the way we behave?. Our responsibility to ourselves is our ticket to freedom.
Thanks Brendan, that is so true and it always seems to keep us on the look -out for what we don’t have instead of appreciating and confirming what we have,
Striving to be perfect voids us of the playfulness and joy in life, an exhausting choice to make.
In needing perfection we keep ourselves locked in a pattern of never feeling good enough and constantly judging ourselves and others as not measuring up. It’s pure illusion and a very clever trick we have developed to keep ourselves living on a merry-go-round of self-judgement and torment. When we begin to let go of this limiting belief we can then begin to see the game at play, and feel the restrictions we have been choosing to live with.
To accept that we will never be perfect – this is a great point Kathryn. Even if we accept imperfection now, we can still easily hold on to the idea that we can be perfect later.
Yes great point Annie. We often have some linear concept that we will achieve perfection at a given point. This is simply an illusion. We are living in cycles so there is no end point and not only that, we are so much more than the perfection we aim to be.
Good to have this article written, it is in illusion to think that we are not it, that we are not beautiful – and or that we need to be perfect. As I had for long believed in . What you say is absolutely right : ”In many ways trying to be perfect has prevented me from truly connecting with others, never allowing myself to feel unravelled, exposed and free to walk my own path.” This shows us that trying to be perfect is actually coming from a lack of love within ourselves. Therefore it is so important to feel how beautiful we are, and that it is just a matter of connecting deeply to our divine inner-state.
Yes I agree Danna. Once we connect to our Inner Divinity the need to control and be perfect fades away. There is a sense of acceptance and appreciation that arises and life becomes more playful and less about getting things right.
There is something ‘Finite’ about Perfection and in this amazing existence nothing is finite but is an unending moment of possibilities. Imperfection is bubbling like a pot of the most delicious, nourishing and warming food, unfolding, evolving and expanding. Yummy 🙂
Kathryn, I totally agree with you, being a perfectionist does take away your sense of humour as there is no room to make any mistakes and everything is held so tightly and guarded. I used to look and observe one of my relatives who to me seemed to go through life care free and somewhat reckless, but she had the guts to make mistakes and not beat herself up afterwards. I also saw that she didn’t care what other people thought of her or her actions – it took me a long time to get this one. Letting go and discovering the perfectionist ideals and beliefs certainly makes room for more fun in our lives – this I can attest to.
“Imperfection allows for growth and unfoldment,movement and magic in every moment.” To view imperfection this way (after striving for perfection) feels empowering, as you free yourself from the beliefs that once had control over you.
Yes Amanda what is perfection anyhow? The concept is so limiting and filled with judgement. How freeing it is to simply let down the guard and surrender.
Striving to be perfect ensures that we never get there as the striving takes away the enjoyment of being all that we already are. Seeking perfectionism is aiming for an end point but as we live in cycles we always have an opportunity to look at everything anew.
Yes Mary the ‘end point’ is complete illusion. No wonder the worlds exhausted. 🙂
What a delightful imperfectly perfect blog, Kathryn, ~ thank you for exposing what the strive for perfection actually does. I totally fell for the illusion too, using a lot of energy trying to be perfect, ~ when it doesn’t even exist!
I can relate to how it has held me back instead of allowing my self to be just the way I am and evolve in my natural rhythm. The same goes with always trying to be better, – and never appreciating the moment, the present, in the imperfection. Such an important reminder, this is.
‘Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect.’ I love this – you can feel the space this allows for true learning (without expectations) and expansion of us in our lives.
‘Perhaps we cannot measure perfection because we are forever evolving? This means that there must be change in everything we think, do and express. We are forever expanding and can always go deeper… in our conversations, our movements, in our connection with self.’ Thank you for this truth. I find it is easier to let go of the search for perfection and surrender to imperfection when I come to understand that there is no such thing as perfection because we are forever evolving.
There is so much freedom and learning through imperfection on our ever evolving journey through life.
Perfection feels very stunting to me if we were to consider ourselves to have achieved perfection in any area of our lives this leave is no room for growth and expansion therefore caps evolution. Imperfection feels so freeing and expansive it has am openness to it.
I can feel how I use imperfection to hold myself back often not expressing because I think my words aren’t enough or I don’t have the perfect answer for something and it will come out all wrong or to blunt for people. I have been using my imperfection as another excuse to beat myself up and hold myself as less. When in truth taking responsibility to reconnect to my body through self-loving choices is all that is needed and listen to the wisdom that emanates from within.
Yes I know this also Margaret. Not expressing if we feel it won’t come out the right way so then holding back. This is usually when I am in my head and not body. Feeling deeply connected to my body certainly changes the way I express and the depth of this expression. It’s not necessarily more that I say… just clearer and more truthful. .
There is no joy in being perfect because why do we want to be perfect? Is it out of comparison; I am better than you are, because I am at a place you cannot even think of reaching it. There is a hardness ,a rigidness in perfection. Like you said Kathryn ;’ it felt like wearing a suit of armour and having tightly bound feet, restrictive and joyless.’ It is never let love in and not able to let love out. We choose to be lonely when we strive to be perfect.
“I am imperfectly perfect.” This is the phrase that every musician needs to hear…there are so many who are terrorised by the need for perfection imagine the freedom of being able to make mistakes, to have fun and to learn without stress… and it is possible.
Life would be a lot more fun if we allowed our mistakes.
Wonderful imperfect Kathryn it was a great pleasure to read your awesome blog because this being perfect disease had me too. I love what you share about being imperfect and about the cycles – that is so much more fun to see life with these eyes. You wrote: “I am imperfectly perfect.” That is my new slogan now because it takes away all the pressure and instead I can fell joy and playfulness – wunderbar.
“Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing.” I love this Kathryn and the realness is expressed from the truth of what we bring as beautifully unique and imperfect as we are. That is where the magic lies. Perfection is what brings us to unravel what is already complete from within.
‘In many ways trying to be perfect has prevented me from truly connecting with others, never allowing myself to feel unravelled, exposed and free to walk my own path.’ Me trying to perfect has been as if I have lived in a kingdom and looking from high down to others, not letting anyone in and always living in the illusion that one day I would have mastered it all and could come down for applause. At the same time I was constantly afraid someone would expose me. A very contracted and exhausting way to live.To be perfect is seperating us from the joy of living a life together equal to everyone. And it is a distraction from feeling who we are and appreciating we are part of a grandness that lives inside us all.
Perfectionism becomes an oppressive taskmaster that ironically serves to cut down and diminish further anything we do. Letting go of pursuing perfection and instead choosing to remain present and connected as best we can while we work not only makes the days lighter and more joyful but often even more productive, the outcome may not seem to be so different, but the quality in which is was realised makes all the difference in the world..
Well written Kathryn, we dont have to perfect anything because we are all complete to start off with
Just feeling what trying to get something ‘perfect’ does to me is horrid, nothing can ever be as perfect as the image created in the mind and it is out there something to strive for and yet never quite attain creating a frustration and ever deepening drive. Whilst allowing imperfection and just being me as I am leads to an ease and no tension no seeking outside but connection within to all I can be.
hahaha, that is so true judykarenyoung “nothing can ever be as perfect as the image created in the mind . . . ” I was and I have to admit sometimes I am still be distracted in this game of perfection too. Imperfection is still a challenge for me but what I can do is to give me the permission to do things to the best to my ability.
Awesome blog Kathryn, I really appreciate how you examined and unravelled the myth of perfection, that so many of us have subscribed to. Perfectionism holds us in a string hold, and a constant cycle of never being able to achieve the expectations that we place upon ourselves.
The idea of perfection is an odd thing really isn’t it – especially as we are all different and unique. To have an image of something that constitutes perfection without it taking into account our uniqueness doesn’t make sense. To me what it is really saying is I want to avoid being hurt or rejected so I will be as pleasing to others as possible. This message of real ‘self-acceptance’ is the ‘perfect’ response to this game. It is without doubt, what we are within that is truly important.
Thank you for your blog Kathryn. Something that really resonated with me is that we / I use the feeling of being imperfect as an excuse for not allowing others in and expressing myself fully. How very true. It’s the ‘when I’m perfect get out clause’…’I just need to deal with this flaw, make myself a bit better at this… and then I’ll do it.’ Then, suddenly the bell goes and we’re out of time!
There is so much to love about you and what you express here Kathryn. I can especially relate to how poisonous perfection is when it comes to relationships. I can feel that the pressure I put on myself to be perfect spills over into wanting others to fit into my idea of perfection. In my experience this results in a lot of unhappy people and no true connection. Imperfection allows for growth and connection and is worth appreciating.
Very true kathrynfortuna – I always thought striving for perfection was a sure fire way to make my relationships ‘better’ – especially in the relationship I had with myself. I can now see that striving for perfection is actually toxic and abusive.
“It was seemingly protecting me from the hurts of the world, but really it blocked the love within me from expressing outwards.” I can so see this in how I have been living most of my life. Trying to be perfect and tick the boxes in school and other activities but I can see how this was such a protection to not get hurt by other people, to not stand out and fit in. Letting go of perfection is great to do as I am now learning and I can feel it allows for space to be loving, being playful and having a bit of fun.
No it is not worth it. Boiling in my own juice? I definitely have to get out of this suit.
That is a clear one for me Golnaz, ‘When I am going for ‘perfection’ I am trying to force an expectation on life, instead of staying open to receiving the opportunities for greater learning, understanding and connection which is constantly provided for every one of us in every moment.’ I am forcing an expectation of what my life should look like and through this act I am sabotaging my ability to receive greater learning.
Great reminder for me. ‘It will never be perfect until we are back in heaven. We have to deal with our human form.’
Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect.
Kathryn words of wisdom, thank you for sharing.
Awesome sharing Kathryn. ‘Love blocking suit of armour’ that’s a fantastic description of exactly how it feels always striving to be ‘perfect’. A weighing down with the pressure of never feeling enough for me, it is like having my finger on that ‘control’ button – so limiting and not allowing for movement in any direction. The armour is coming down, less rigidity, free flowing movement returning and a huge weight taken off my body with less negative thought processes and anxiety wanting to taking hold. A return of a ‘more natural flow’.
I just attended an amazing webinar with Tanya Curtis of Fabic and felt to re-visit this blog. What I really got from the presentation was how much I had been investing in imposing perfectionism on others not only on myself; and that it is when I identify myself and others with ‘doing’ instead of ‘being’ I am prone to judgment, and not understanding when less than perfect arises. It feels awesome to read your blog again and be reminded it is all about connecting and knowing ourselves in our true essence.
Thank you Fumiyo for sharing this, I can relate to the imposing of perfectionism on others. And yes, then the judging kicks in. There is such a difference in meeting people in their being without the focus on the doing. Then we truly meet other and ourselves like you say in our true essence.
Yes, that is what’s underneath. The total lack of appreciation. The more critique, the more it is about an ideal of how it should be, a perfect picture. Our connections would look very different, if we were to just appreciate – ourselves and each other / just for who we are, not for what we are doing.
What I am finding is that as I let go of the belief that I shouldn’t make mistakes, I am finding that work is more fun and there is this sense of feeling freer within my body. It is just like wearing a straight jacket, without the freedom to stretch.
Dear Julie I can relate to what you share about to “let go of the belief that I should not make mistakes.” I was raised that making a mistake is a failure and therefore I felt awful and full of self-critic if I made a mistake. Since I could feel that I am not a failure if I made a mistake life for me too became so much more joyful and easier.
What a constricting job Nicholas, is see you used the “Used to work’. It reminds me of our accountant at work… errors are never allowed.
Its through the surrender to love that we realise how perfect imperfection is.
There is something so graceful about imperfection that creates a natural balance, harmony and interconnectedness between us all, a movement and flow, an interchange we only experience through incompletion. We all form part of a beautiful and ever evolving tapestry. We each bring our own unique quality and colour of thread, delicately positioned and sewn, we are interwoven in to the very fabric of life. Each thread just as important as the other each adding to the beauty and all round grandeur of the design, magically bringing the bigger picture to life.
Perfection feels like there’s no room for change or evolution. And for me it usually comes with expectation – which would always set me up for disappointment and hurt. Because I get hurt, I have looked for and strived for another round of challenging for perfection hoping one day I would get right. This feels very relevant to how my right arm/shoulder has been feeling for a while – it feels totally wired up, hard and tense with its natural fluidity completely lost.
In the past I had put conditions on when I might accept or let out my natural qualities. I have found that there are qualities that were so easily expressed as a child that are still there but in a watered down form so when I asked myself why this might be I realised that and I put conditions on when I think it I will be good enough to be able to do something.
Beautifully put Ariana, ‘would we condemn a child for falling over?’. We are so hard on ourselves and feel like there is this unattainable goal that we have to reach in order to be acceptable in life. It is truly an illusion and the truth is that we are all individuals without perfection, but with our own unique expressions – which in actual fact is one of the most wonderful things about humanity – no perfection required.
Thank you for sharing this important message Kathryn. While I was reading this I could feel the control in striving for perfection, and this goes for any area of our life. It is like a stranglehold on life, and does not allow the freedom for us to evolve naturally so as we do when we do not feel the need to control every or any aspect of our lives.
What you say feels so true Jo – that it ‘ is like a stranglehold on life’ as it contracts the whole of my body when I feel the need for control rather than the expansion I feel when I allow my body to follow it’s own impulse. Perfection is only an illusion that we feel we need when we allow the outside to dictate how we are to live our lives. Once we have opened up to the Ageless Wisdom we find a different way that expands ‘every or any aspect of our lives’.
Yes and this line particularly stood out for me today – “Being a perfectionist felt like I had no sense of humour”. I can so relate to that. It strangles everything and I know when I go into that mode – I am definitely not funny nor see anything remotely funny in situations. Which is absolutely not our natural joyful selves.
Oh, Sarah that is so beautiful and precisely the reflection I need. I know how serious I can become when I am holding onto my perfectionist ways which block any flow – and heaven forbid any fun! As you say it is not ‘our natural joyful selves’.
“Perfectionism held me back from being my gorgeous, playful, fluid and powerful self. In many ways trying to be perfect has prevented me from truly connecting with others, never allowing myself to feel unravelled, exposed and free to walk my own path. I have been lost in the illusion that ‘I am only worthy of love if I am perfect’. This simply is not true.” I love this Kathryn. Always trying to do better, to improve myself left me so serious – something I still am working on. How beautiful there is another way! Imperfection allows for me to evolve – great!
I agree Shami, it is imposing and almost disrespectful to not truly see someone for who they are but rather who you believe then or want them to be.
I particularly love your comment – I am an extraordinarily beautiful Woman just being myself, and there is no room for perfection in that. There is so much in society as to and expectation of what a women should look like and be like and like you share here, just being ourselves is all that is needed.
Wow, thank you Kathryn, my awareness of perfection that I have held for so long has been reflected in a completely different light in this blog – that you have completely de-constructed the myth of perfection and living this way in your daily life offers true inspiration for me and many others to deeply connect with and understand so much more clearly. I can really feel how trying to be a certain way is so self-limiting of the raw, play-fullness that I hold back from reflecting.
“Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect.” Thank you for this beautiful expression Kathryn, one I whole heartedly agree with. Perfectly imperfect or imperfectly perfect, which ever way you look at it it has Gods hand and is part of his plan. There is much magic and beauty on offer when we realise we are here to share our unique gifts equally with each other.
Hi Kathryn, thank you for your sharing. Reading your blog I got so uncomfortable which goes to show that I still hold an idea and or belieft that I have to be perfect, where I can’t make mistakes, which stops me from just being me. The idea right now is I dont feel perfect enough to claim how truly amazing I am.
Unravelling the threads of perfection within my life and the ways that I used it has been such a change for me, one that hasn’t been as hard as I would have imagined. Once I realized that perfection was my main drive and tool in life, the way I started to see how I needed to be with things is now changing. So if I feel some tension come in around something, I can call it out and lovingly breathe my breath and move through it much easier. It’s so freeing when you can truly feel that what you think you’re stuck on, is just missing your love, so then when you bring love in, everything is so much clearer and freer.
Hi Kathryn, it seems to me that trying to be perfect is utterly exhausting whereas just being me is not since I allow myself to be imperfect.
I have found trying to achieve perfection to be crippling and have come to the conclusion it’s the carrot in front of the donkey. It is never reached nor can it be as in truth there is no perfection – it seems to have become a false concept created to encourage drive in people and another diversion or distraction from reconnecting to our truth.
“I am an extraordinarily beautiful Woman just being myself, and there is no room for perfection in that”.
I love what you have expressed and claimed here Katherine; the weight and heaviness of perfection is certainly capping and debilitating.
This is a great blog Kathryn and I relate well to your strive for perfection and how liberating it is to accept that we are not perfect and nor do we have to be. Perfection is an expectation we set upon ourselves and a belief about how we ‘think things should be’ and there is not much reality in perfection. I love what Natalie shares about love being an allowing of ourselves to be who we are, so true.
“I am imperfectly perfect.” Love it.
Seeking to be the perfect person is a goal that is not realistic. You set yourself up to fail before you have even started. Then comes the self loathing, self bashing and critising for the things that you have not done the way you ‘think’ they needed to be. Just crushing yourself even more and making the whole unrealistic perfect life even more harder to reach. This exhausting game is one that I can still occasionally get caught up in and everytime I need to remember that this is not Love. Love is allowing ourselves to be who we are and learn along the way.
Spot on Tricisnicholson, when we get to feel, actually we are ok, but ‘in fact that we are amazing divine beings is a gift beyond all else’. This is a truly beautiful gift on so many levels, firstly it stops you from searching outside of yourself, and secondly this supports the reconnection back to your body, where you can develop and nurture this reconnection through making self loving choices, then the wisdom from our bodies truly guides our lives.
All great points Vanessa. It is crazy how judge the desirability of a career by the glamour of it, without discerning the emptiness and exploitation that occurs in many of these industries. What career we have does not matter, it is the sharing of our loving being that counts, in whatever we do. Last year at an afternoon get-together at Universal Medicine, movie footage of a big fashion event in New York was shown and there was one model in there who was walking with all her beauty and presence and love – totally non-imposing and bringing a shining example for all to feel. It was awesome to feel this present in the beauty/ fashion industry.
You have really put your finger on it Jane – it is that pressure that comes from perfection, and indeed any ideal, that closes us down to being able to fulfill our much grander potential. It feels, as you have said, much lighter to accept our imperfections. the pressure is off, we feel joy again!
I love your expression Michael. I want to let myself feel the sun on my skin!
Thanks Kathryn. I’ve recently started a new job, and this one is bigger than all the others before. But, instead of striving to be perfect and trying to prove myself and over deliver, I’ve decided to take each day as it comes, and simply apply common sense and a willingness to learn. The amount of pressure I have taken off myself when I really allow myself to simply just be me, is enormous. This is a work in progress of course, as old habits die hard, and I can see how at times I fool myself into thinking I’m completey at ease with certain things, but actually in truth – I’m trying to impress my employers to get some form of recognition to confirm I’m worthy of being there, whilst appearing cool, calm and collected. The trick is to keep coming back to the truth that I am enough, and perfection simply does not exist.
“Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment.” Incorporating this understanding into our education system would allow the students the freedom to express who they truly are, without the constraints of perfectionism. This would be quite empowering for them to feel.
thats great to hear Doug! Ive found this too with window and mirror cleaning. I try to get perfection but can never get it. Its so much easier to just do it and not expect perfection, i enjoy it more that way.
“Perhaps we cannot measure perfection because we are forever evolving? This means that there must be change in everything we think, do and express. We are forever expanding and can always go deeper… in our conversations, our movements, in our connection with self” this makes sense, thank you.
HA!! So true Tamara. What the hell have we been thinking all this time? Like sheep we follow the herd blindly. How awesome to have reminders like this to wake us up from our slumber!
Maybe these images are confirming to the viewer that it is ok to be empty, and if the viewer is empty themselves, then they may not clock that ‘perfect model’ is empty.
‘Striving for perfection is demanding, exhausting and all consuming: driven by an external force of never feeling enough and always keeping it together.’ So true, I can relate with what you shared in this post, it is a trap to keep us from ourself and our true beauty.
Striving for perfection strikes me as a very lineal and blinkered approach to life that doesn’t leave room for lightness, joy or humour, a very limited and forever limiting stance that denies evolution.
Hands up I have felt this in me Heather when driving for perfection, whether in how I look or work, am received – it is all controlling and certainly not the real me expressing in truth.
Great blog Kathryn, how could we ever achieve perfection in an ever expanding universe anyway? How much of wanting perfection is also down to wanting to be better than someone else anyway? Surely if there was perfection it would have to include everyone in the entire universes.
You are right Kevin, everything in the expanding universe changes every second and we move on. So, perfection can only last for a second and then it is gone.
Being a perfectionist is the same a being an un-kempt slob…never feeling enough, just a bit cleaner but then again no one is perfect. I like your ‘Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing’. Now that is life and it is more fun.
What a great blog Kathryn and reading that you are an inner image consultant it is all the more inspiring as I know those who come to you may have the perfection thing going on as most of our world is so consumed in getting the outer bit perfect.
You express so much about perfection and what I have loved reading is the confirmation of what I have felt recently which is we are evolving constantly so change is inevitable.
My need to be perfect was always in certain areas of my life and it was goal orientated. This guaranteed me to disconnect from my body’s natural state and I was always left frustrated. Things only started to change after I applied simple and practical ways that Serge Benhayon presents and this led to me learning to ACCEPT that I was enough and there is absolutely no need for perfection.
I love coming back to this blog. It’s like a fresh running stream of pure water in which I see my gorgeous ‘perfectly imperfect’ reflection and can celebrate in this, without trying, pushing, carrying a heavy bundle or binding myself in something I am not. Thank you Kathryn.
Nearly all of us have tried to be perfect, because we wanted to be loved, accepted or adored, but when we remember someone in our work-place or family who is always ‘perfect’ how do we feel about them? Are they adorable or we find it pretty hard to adore them?
Kathryn, this line ‘In many ways trying to be perfect has prevented me from truly connecting with others, never allowing myself to feel unravelled, exposed and free to walk my own path.’ made me think of how I have been most of my life. I would never have labelled myself as a perfectionist, simply because I have always made sure I completed everything a little underdone. But, my expectations have always been very high, and more recently I have noticed how much that has kept me at arms length of connecting with others. I’ve also noticed how there is also a huge layer of protection around pretending to not want things to be perfect – a clever disguise to cover up the fact that I have not met my own high expectations. So much to expose here.
Perfection is something that in the past I’ve would strive for, not always consciously, but it was there, ensuring there was a drive behind what I would – did. Which would then bring in expectations I held for myself and then of others. It was like I was on this never ending treadmill, that had no destination, so never a feeling of satisfaction, contentment, joy within myself, as I never measured up. So I can relate to a lot of what you have shared Kathryn. When choosing to let go of the perfection, to see and feel what my strengths are and understand that in developing a deeper relationship with myself, being gently, loving in my choices, that I was not feeling like there was so my perfection in my life. It is a much lighter and loving way to be and live.
Hello Kathryn, I am back again! I needed a perfection chat with myself today! “Striving for perfection is demanding, exhausting and all consuming: driven by an external force of never feeling enough” it is constricting and squashes spontaneity and fun fun fun!!! thank you, ready for my day!
This is great Kathryn to feel how our growth is an ongoing process of evolution without aiming for perfection. All the pictures of not being good enough come up in my mind, instead of accepting this is where I am and I can build on that and grow.
Needing to be perfect doesn’t necessarily need to have an outward appearance. It can just be an idea that runs inside you (often without conscious thoughts). This leaves you with a constant feeling of not measuring up or being enough. To name that and let go of perfection creates such ease in my body as I realise I am ok just as I am. Of course there is always room to grow but this doesn’t mean we need to constantly judge or criticise as we do this.
It is freeing when we realise the pictures we hold in life mean there will always be a constant drive for perfection and the crazy thing is I thought I was committed and dedicated to whatever it was I was trying to achieve when I was doing this- particularly when it came to trying to be a perfect parent. It has become obvious now that noone is moving anywhere in this scenario and it is now great to embrace that “imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust.” Thank you Kathryn.
What a great blog Kathryn. When we give up striving for perfection “we are forever expanding and can always go deeper”. I agree with you that the search for perfection feels like a prison, a yoke around oneself, a set of rigid rules that must be obeyed. But looking at life as a continual cycle is liberating for it allows playfulness, joy, and expansion of our heart.
The feeling you describe in this blog I have felt not only in me but in many students, “trying” to do the right thing, trying to be good, I judged it and then did it, and became stiff in my own trip to do right: “Being a perfectionist felt like I had no sense of humour; it felt like wearing a suit of armour and having tightly bound feet, restrictive and joyless. It was seemingly protecting me from the hurts of the world, but really it blocked the love within me from expressing outwards.” We become stiff and boring, not real. Making mistakes and not worrying about it, seeing everything as a step, as a learning, as a school, but a fun school, where everyone has the permission to be themselves and not to be one only way. To claim the uniqueness and the fun of learning.
I see the touched up photos of these ‘prefect’ women and men, but there is nothing in their eyes except perhaps a kind of sadness and desperation to stop pretending. And they always seem to be in situations far removed from real life. If the fashion/beauty industry want to promote a product, I would rather a scenario with people I can relate to, flaws and all, people with expression in their eyes. Bring on some Universal Medicine students and give the world a real treat.
Admitting and accepting that we are imperfect is an amazing step of honesty, one that will allow us to appreciate ourselves just as we are and from there growing more and more love for ourselves – starting to see all the wonders that we are and bring.
Totally agree Michael and beautifully said.
It’s incredible how limiting we are when we take on ideals and beliefs from the outside of us. I have allowed the need to be perfect to hold me back so much from truly living my life. Thank you Janina for sharing… “It is not about being perfect. It is about bringing me,” all of me and the love within that is calling me to live my innate Divinity.
“What if our expression in life will never be perfect and nor should it be; perhaps being perfect is just a concept we have hung onto, thinking that in some way it made us ‘better’ or more lovable.” Yes I have certainly been under the illusion big time, thinking I was only worthy of love if I was perfect striving to be someone that I was certainly not. It is exhausting! It is great to feel in this blog that I am forever evolving therefore there cannot be no such thing as perfection; that is in everything I do and say there has to be imperfection. Seeing it in this way takes the pressure off me; I feel much lighter and therefore I can be me. Thank you Kathryn for this revelation.
I observed yesterday how in a class the idea perfection can play out it’s evil. In the sense of it has been used in education, as a way to set a child up in the belief that have to achieve the ‘perfect’ picture, handwriting, answer, project etc. Rather than celebrating our own equal yet unique expression. For example kids wanting to start again because what they did was not fitting the image in their head of what ‘perfect’ should look like, or criticising themselves for not being able to do whatever the task may be, in the ‘perfect’ way they think they should or possibly have been told. This is no judgement on the teachers, the education system or the kids as we have all grown up with this. This blog breaks the mould. We are human, we make mistakes and we learn from them.
I realise how much I push and strive and how that takes me away from the lightness and joy that I feel in my body , and that life is really simple. Perfection creates issues when there are none there in the first place.
ha ha or should I say, easy to blame perfection, I have used perfection to create issues.
Perfectionism churns out homogenous colourless beings, you have inspired me Kathryn, to explore and discuss the futility of this pursuit amongst family.
I can really relate to perfection and what you have shared about it creating separation and blocking our natural flow of divine love in and through our body, and for me being a woman, my connection to all that being a woman is, that joy, delicateness, beauty that all comes from being connected to my body.
Beautiful Kathryn,I love your sharing on perfection and the constant striving to attain this as a goal and need to be and fill. But i really love and appreciate your presentation that perfection is something always evolving to be more and hence it is never achieved and that this is fine espcially as it is a made goal and not truly real. Real Appreciation and Acceptance whilst on our journey to perfect things ,ourselves and life in accordance with evolution is a beautiful and necessary part of life ,love, awareness and honesty.
Yes Tricia, well said! Perfectionism is now old hat, old era. Bring in the new, joyful, honest, expanded way of being in relationship.
I very much enjoyed reading you blog, Kathryn. Reading your article I realize that I am still “trying to be perfect”. I think from a young age onwards I have been trying to be perfect in order to get recognized and accepted, not rejected and hurt. To me trying to be perfect and trying to avoid “errors/mistakes” as much as possible has been something to protect myself from getting hurt: Though as if I am perfect, no one will/can reject me. Even though this is an erroneous belief I realize that I am still doing this in order to control things. But when I try to control things I cannot be with myself but I am in separation to myself. Letting go of this and allowing to be imperfect and follow my true rhythm feels very liberating and self-loving as: „Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect.“… something great for me to work on..
Aside from this I like that you write that “perfectionism” does not exist, it is only something we have in our heads – there is no end point as we are constantly moving in cycles that are there for us to evolve.
So true Alison . . . and what we have all done, and will do, to get love, when it cannot be got through ideals! All we have to do is admit our wounds and open our hearts.
I’ve certainly lived under the shackles of self imposed perfectionism, looking back I can see how truly abusive perfectionism was for me. It’s akin to continually saying to a child “You’re not good enough, here is the picture of who you should be, change everything about yourself and drive yourself into the ground to meet this ideal picture – even if it really hurts.” which is exactly what I did to myself. I had no idea that there was anything good about me and appreciation of myself was absent. My starting point was that there was a lot wrong with me or I should be embarrassed or ashamed of who I was and how I looked. Perfectionism is so harmful because it completely dismisses the person underneath, assuming they could not be good enough as they are. Appreciation and acceptance are very beautiful new foundations I am learning to live by, and these nurture me and never cut me down.
I found reading your comment above quite meaningful for me this morning 1heart1love1earth, especially your words in the last sentence “Accepting our imperfections actually is heaven’s way of giving us tutorials to express back to divinity…”
indeed “..how cool is that?” Thank you.
I relate to “keeping it together” always ensuring that the facade was in tact and maybe dropping my guard a little bit to make sure I was relatable to others – what an exhausting act to keep up! and what deep sadness I have had to clear for not living me until now – I hear you when you say that embracing our so called imperfections is such a loving way to grow and expand the woman within.
We have all come so far as well – and from this worthiness we show others that they too are worth it.
I love the feeling of being imperfect and actually accepting that and loving myself in full from the knowing that actually at our core essence is the most perfect pulse that makes any of our humaness imperfections just perfect!
In reading this blog I can feel how perfection is an ideal that keeps us from truly evolving as we hold ourselves to one unattainable standard, narrowly focused only on that. With perfectionism comes a huge amount of anxiety which further keeps us locked in a very constrained way of being. Living with a quest for perfection means we can’t truly be students of life, which is always evolving around us and reflecting to us different lessons. Saying that I’ve found it takes time to step out of the shadow of perfectionism, learning again that mistakes are OK, that being silly is OK, that I will not drop dead if I say the wrong thing…. but life certainly feels lighter and freer.
That would be a amazing if this was considered and acted on. We allow ourselves to be influenced and controlled by the media and fashion industry telling us what to wear and a way to be, leaving us completely dis-empowered. Time for every person to connect to there essence and allow this to be our influence in life.
Brilliant sharing with us all Kathryn – Coming from a place of really understanding the striving, pushing on through to achieve perfect results, it did feel very much like ‘a form of imprisonment’. Looking back now it seems absurd that I did this constantly on a daily basis no wonder burn out was just around the corner!
Marion i remember whenever I was trying to draw a picture to win a competition when I was at high-school it never looked they way I wanted. I felt like i needed to get it perfect – and at the same time was in complete comparison to the “perfectly” drawn pictures I would see others complete. What I understand now is the “imprisonment” that I felt about living up to my ideal of what “perfect’ looked like. And in that I completely stopped my natural expression. What a freedom to appreciate and celebrate regardless of perfection but actually celebrating imperfection. After reading this blog by Kathryn my view of imperfection is slowly changing.
‘per·fec·tion / pərˈfekSH(ə)n/ – the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects.’ Whoever said whatever is not ‘perfect’ about us is a flaw or defect?Perhaps it is simply something about us which is there to reflect a quality to others which we can heal in our own time.
Why would any one try to be perfect? Is perfection a true expression? Perfectionism feels like a very tough put on that, on the one hand, aims at avoiding any accusation of wrongdoing from others and, on the other one, a clear attempt at constructing a self as different from others. As such, perfection is the perfect disguise that shells us against the world. But it is an invisible jail as well. Nothing can truly come in because it may not stand the radar of perfection. Perfection is not a true expression.
Eduardo I love what you have shared and I totally agree that this imprisonment of perfection is absolutely not true expression. Forced out by a force dictating what you need to be. No true expression indeed.
Love that term Eduardo – invisible jail. I have locked myself away in this for some time over the years and yes it is a difficult cell to break free from. But I have connected to my true expression and this perfect stiff way of living is not it.
I find I have to try & be hard or push myself to be perfect to match someone’s or my own picture of how something should be. In that a lot of other emotions play out like frustation of not being perfect & then resentment. All of which I feel are completely unnecessary. I love how you shared in imperfection there is divine order. I am learning to embrace my gorgeous imperfections & know & feel perfectly as ease & in love with them & me ❤ What a gorgeous blog to read. Thank you 😊
Love what you have said Sandra: ‘Perfection implies an end and that there is no opportunity anymore to evolve. From that angle it is a very sad thing.’ How true that the momentum of perfectionism creates an angle in one’s energy field that closes down the opportunity for evolution. As you say it is a very sad angle, an angle that is a cul-de-sac, an angle that stunts, that closes you down, a very acute angle that leads to an acutely protected stance towards the world which in turn disconnects one from true relationship. LET’S GET SPHERICALl! (new song)
‘Freedom from flaws was a hard task, restrictive and near impossible’. How true Kathryn. You have nailed it. And the trick of it is that the hard task seems to ‘comfort’ and lull a part of us into thinking we are ‘doing a good thing’ ‘achieving’ and ‘accomplishing’. Through this we will be recognised, recognised recognised and validated . . .all the time imagining that this is what we want, that this is love! But it is not love, it is very poor substitute, and one that will keep us wanting and never in the deep repose of beauty love and joy.
Totally Judith. Being able to feel how valuable and lovely we are brings a great openness and ease to life . . .and it brings the ability to be vulnerable, funny, and adorable. Perfectionism stunts all this, making all that is lovely rigid and frozen.
I have returned to this blog because it is the perfect (pardon the pun) medicine for me right now. There is a little battle playing out in me right now, a sense that I cannot possibly be gorgeous, beautiful and amazing because I have all of these flaws. A very familiar battle and very tiring I must say. It is time to put down the weapons; the sharp sword of fault finding, the landmines of “not good enough” and the missiles of self critique.
What is left then? Just me, raw and imperfect, free of the harsh gaze always looking for what is not right. What will that feel like? Time to explore….
I’m coming with you on this amazing exploration of the raw and imperfect Rachel. It will be so much more productive and liberating than climbing Mount Everest! We will constellate with the stars and be free of frostbite.
So how wonderful is it 1heart1love1earth that you are working in that industry, bringing the truth that we are not here to be perfect, but to be who we truly are in all of its ways, flawed, joyful, quirky and real.
Yes Golnaz I know exactly what you mean. It’s easy to miss the ‘evolving clues’ when we are set on the ‘static perfection’ concept.
When we accept that there will be no arrival point EVER than the process of unfoldment will feel glorious.
You reminded me of the years I spent ‘trying’ to be the perfect wife, totally losing ‘me’ in the process. It didn’t work as all that was there really, was a cardboard replica doing the things I thought were acceptable to society and to my husband to meet the required (whatever that is!) criteria. How sad for both of us, neither receiving what was potentially there in each of us to be truly appreciated. Perfection stops us from being who we truly are, stops us from relaxing and letting the love that is in each of us spill forth without the control perfection holds tight to, holding it back.
Thank you dear Victoria. From what I am feeling ‘Holding it together’ is very common amongst women and even men and it certainly takes a toll on us ALL. We pass it down through families and we learn it from each other. Imagine if we ALL just dropped the bundle? Then how would we be? 🙂 🙂
So true Kathryn and Victoria, it seems terrifying to let go of this at the time and it took a lot of support from Universal Medicine for me to surrender to my innate, imperfection and beauty and share this with the world.
Yes I can attest to this ‘holding it together’ as a way to cope and barge through life. One is exhausted, constantly and forced to ‘shoulder the burdens’, because that is life. So wrong and so far from the truth of a man and a woman.
I totally agree 1heart1love1earth. Images of ‘perfection’ that feel empty are all too common in the beauty/fashion/art industries. When will we choose to be responsible for the message we give?
There’s one other thing I felt to share, something I have noticed in schools and that is the amount of children who say the words ‘but I’m going to fail’, when they think they can’t do for example a drawing. I have been there myself. I feel this has come from the ideal of perfection and getting it right, and that we all have to express ourselves in the same way, which is evil in itself. It takes away the truth and joy of experimenting and discovering and knowing in your body was is true, it sets people up to believe how they express themselves is wrong. This can then affect people right throughout their life, be it the perfect mum, brother, son, student, worker, girlfriend etc … The whole time we are living this way, we are denying our truth and the beauty that we bring.
I am so glad that you mention the ‘fear of failing’ as part of the perfection paradigm Gyl. I have registered that every now and then I still have this very thought passing through my head. It is so disempowering. The exam system as it is set up in schools now is a huge factor in this harmful indoctrination. Exams were originally brought in so that teacher could assess how the pupil was going and whether they needed a little extra help with grasping some subject. Now the exam process is a competitive race that leaves much devastation in its wake. Where is the joy of exploration?
Thank you for sharing this Janina, ” It is not about being perfect’ – this is the truth, there is no such thing as perfection. It is a lie, my feeling is this word has been made up to keep us locked in our minds, and the belief that we are never enough.
“Striving for perfection is demanding, exhausting and all consuming” I absolutely agree, I have exhausted myself and still do at times living from drive, perfection and an image in my head of how things should be, setting myself and others up with unobtainable high expectations, which is crazy and in truth a way to keep people out as they will never meet them because they are not real. With perfection and drive and high expectations, there is no end point, if we believe this then we will always be chasing the unobtainable, the goal, never feeling enough and constantly let down. The other side to this is that I am now learning the joy of appreciation, with myself and others and the amazing qualities we bring. This has opened up a whole new way of living, life flows and evolves, moment by moment, and never ends, plus I naturally let people in as I see them for who they are and the amazing qualities they bring. And the fact is we are all one and the same, we feel the same things, have similar issues in life, world over no matter who we are.
Beautifully written blog Kathryn thank you. I can really relate to what you have shared here. It shows that we often have this belief that if we keep working at things, even self development, that at some point we will have arrived at our destination of the perfect human being, the perfect life and at this point we can kick back and relax and stay there. This is a very straight line way of thinking but everything in the universe and nature shows us that this is not how the universe works so why would we be any different? What if there was no destination that we can stay at, but that there is a constant pull to expand, grow, deepen to the next point of self awareness?
Well said Amelia, what I am also finding is the way in which perfection is a quality that I create based on pictures of how I idealise a situation, outcome, or life to be but actually these pictures come based on things outside of myself, looking at the world and seeing how I want something to be, rather than being me and expressing from that platform first
What a great reminder that there is no such thing as ‘perfection’. We can focus so much on this ideal picture of how we should be all the while missing the amazingness of who we are. If we are constantly striving to be someone that we are not this will exhaust us, leave you disappointed that you are not meeting the mark and out comes the self bashing. This is an insane way to live with yourself but one that I know so well. This cycle of abuse is not what we are designed to be. If we allow this abuse towards ourselves then we are opening ourselves up to many other kinds of abuse and we are saying that it is ok to have this as our normal. When in fact it is not.
As you said Natalie, we focus so much on how we NEED to become perfect to be accepted by ourselves that we miss out the real beauty that we are.
I understand what you are saying completely Ben. This perfection thing is such a destructive obsession for many of us and all of it keeps us from the simple truth that we already have it all.
Good call Dean ” we already have it all”.
Great comment Ben it’s like a magnifying glass on us that means the big picture is often missed – the big picture – the opportunity to truly connect with all.
Well said Natalie. I know the ‘giving myself a hard time’ only too well too. It’s crippling and as Natalie says, in those moments we get to miss the amazingness of who we are – thank you for pointing this out.
I agree Natalie, self-bashing and criticism is the most destructive and insidious thing we can do to ourselves, we don’t need the abuse of another to bring ourselves down as much as we can visit upon ourselves constantly – and as you say, perpetuating this abuse opens the door for all kinds of other abuse until this becomes our normal in life. The turning point for me was the fundamental understanding that there is absolutely nothing I need to become, nothing outside of myself as everything I am is already within – it is just a matter of letting go and clearing the layers of fog to be able to see and feel it, and it is the most stupendous feeling and at the same time feels natural like we have always known it. So how can we be so caught up in an energy of self-criticism that we don’t even see, to then find the light underneath that we actually knew is there? Crazy. It is in connecting to the body in stillness and with that deepening awareness permits me to see and understand the dense obscuring energies I have taken on, affected by others and my own behaviour and critique – and as I see this then the fog starts to lift and awareness expands even more and I get to feel ever greater what is my true self – the sense of confirmation and true freedom this brings is amazing.
Perfection is a big trick to keep us in the self-condemnation so that for us to think we are even ok is incomprehensible. In this state it is impossible to see and appreciate how truly amazing we are; but which at the same time ironically keeps us focussed more on self and individualism preventing us from living life openly, a life that is embracing and encompassing of all.
Coming back to your blog Kathryn is a lovely reminder to keep on being imperfect, learn from our imperfections and to keep on evolving.
When we strive to be perfect we do not allow ourselves the opportunity to be and to surrender, what a burden!
I agree Shirl. There is no joy in thinking that we must be perfect. Surrendering to Imperfection is so much more fun 🙂
“Surrendering to Imperfection… ” – Wow! This is awesome Kathryn!
It is amazing Kathryn, how, as you say, patterns and behaviours in our life that can feel so comfortable and known and so easy to ‘go to’ and to re-enact, are actually so destructive to our well-being, and constrict our growth and evolution. Before meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal medicine I had never fully clocked this fact. Years ago I experienced it very strongly once when researching some alchemical manuscripts from the 17th century in a library in the UK. I became acutely aware of the life I was choosing – of hiding away researching in libraries (a very old and familiar pattern), but chose not to re-look and re-choose, and simply went back to the limited ‘happiness’ of familiarity. It was an ‘X moment’ I totally missed. These old familiar feelings are indeed a form of imprisonment which keep us going around and around in futile circles, always promising but never delivering the grandness that we are.
We are funny are we not as human beings how we can have moments of pure clarity and see where we are at but then step straight back onto the treadmill because it is our known way. The Livingness offers us the opportunity to step off that treadmill and live from our own inner truth, which is much more freeing and no perfection is required.
Yes Annie, I so agree it would be optimal that we get what is being presented the first time around, but it is amazing that God’s law of love is such that we still have plenty of opportunities to get it on the next cycle. The cyclical nature of time seems fashioned for this very purpose – I can feel this so deeply as I write. There’s no missing out and no need to worry, there is simply delay or not.
Love what you have shared about perfection Kathryn. This has been such a strong and controlling theme in my life too and has played a large part in governing how I am with and around others. This used to govern me with my studies, with my hobbies, with so many areas within my life. To let go of that perfection, it has been for me to realise that it is not about what I do, but how I go about what I do that is key. My quality of being. And I loved it when you said “I am worthy of the deep love that flows from within me and is expressed out to the world every single day” – it is often the case that the seeking of perfection comes from the fact that we do not accept the deep level of love that is actually free to flow from within. But once we accept this love and accept the quality (the deep warmth) then the perfection has permission to dissipate and a more real way of living is made way for.
I read this blog again this morning, knowing that the tension in my body is a sign that I have allowed perfection to sneak its way back in again. I have been clanking around in that armour, and trying to get things ‘right’. My gorgeous tender body has been feeling the tension and giving me little taps on the shoulder…literally. When I am getting all perfect about my life and thinking how it ‘should’ be my shoulders and arms get tight and hard and pull into towards my chest. I get smaller, not open, free flowing and giggly.
The description of perfectionism as a suit of armour, a corset, as set of rigid behaviours is spot on (I was going to type ‘perfect’ and stopped myself!). It creates a caricature of who we really are that no one can see beyond to the real essence of us. I know this one only too well and it grips me still at times.
Boy is it a lonely place, rattling around inside that suit of armour. And constrictive inside that corset…can’t…breathe… And those gestures. They don’t flow from us. They don’t express who we are in this world, warts, beauty, delicacy, silliness and all.
I love the reminder of this blog and reading the comments of so many people who are learning to release themselves from the line of perfectionism, back into the realness of cycles.
OBTAINING perfection is impossible. BEING perfect is possible though, just the natural perfection that comes from just being ourselves as we are. Nice one Robyn
I used to be hard on myself because I thought I would never be able to achieve perfection or ‘flawlessness’ concerning anything. However I have been learning to be all that I can be, by just being ‘me’ in full. Through doing this I have healed a lot of behaviours that did not support me and through doing this there has been an increase in the quality and manner I undertake tasks and live life. I now often feel satisfied that I have completed something to the best of my ability. that feels like it is enough, so no regrets, it feels complete. It appears all along I was not seeking perfection, but a sense of completion.
To understand and accept that I am not perfect at all and that this is my natural way. This has showed how much I thought I had to be perfect and felt a constant striving in me and a constant criticising and bashing up myself because naturally I am not perfect. To truly accept the imperfection free of all expectations I have imposed on myself.
Such a great blog Kathryn. On re-reading it I am remembering someone I worked with at University many years ago. I was in the process of writing a book and it was almost finished and about to be published He stopped me in the corridor said to me ‘ How can you bear to have it published when you know that you might be wrong about something or there is more to know and you’ve left it out?’ I realised then that this lovely gentle man was paralysed by perfectionism and would never get his book he’d been writing for years out. I could clearly see that he was cramping his life in this way and that he was stuck in a vicious circle. It was a profound moment being revealed.
Ameila well said.. The more I start to let go of the control the more I have been able to see how much of a strong hold it has over me – it can be so subtle. All coming from the perfect picture as you say and expecting myself to be perfect. Even when I write it, it seems ridiculous. What I fully resonate with is how I can feel my body tighten up when I go into that control, and yes I’m sure that has a key factor into my bodies health and the way I function. Letting go and allowing myself to be and all my imperfections is definite more freeing for my body.
Enjoyed reading this Blog, can feel my body relax and surrender by letting go of the need to plan in a way to make things perfect and instead embrace and fully accept my imperfections as it is more real and creates space for me to evolve.
“God won’t love me until I am perfect” – What a very clever way of keeping ourselves locked into the cycle of always striving to become more and holding back from expressing anything of value as we are so self critical and judgmental from living (existing) from behind the ‘perfectionist’s suit of armour’ that binds us so tightly. This further fosters the feeling of separation and isolation from the all as it has to be all your fault for not being enough in the first place!
How exhausting.
Not being enough is very exhausting Stehanie, I agree. Not being enough means you always have to push, push, and push some more to be seen as achieving, and to get recognition. And if I am not enough, I have much to live up to, including being perfect. So happy I let all that go.
I love this Kathryn – “Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing.’
Kathryn, a perfect blog from you, hahaha. I love what you say, and I can totally see how perfectionism sniffles our humour and playfulness. Needing to be perfect is such serious business! And with looking at my own perfectionism I have come to know that I am totally loveable, even though I’m not perfect at all, and never will be.
I agree Amelia. We strive for perfection to avoid getting hurt then because the reality does not match the picture we end up feeling hurt. A crazy tail chasing game that we get pulled into only after we lose our self-acceptance.
‘It was like the Geisha, living a life of controlled gestures, highly skilled and pleasing others.’ And whilst they might have been looked up to in some circles, their lives were not free at all.
We live in an ever-changing world and our ability to ‘keep up’ may fluctuate. The more we are connected with ourselves, the more we can sense what’s going on because we can feel the energy change. It is all about energy – the energy in everything we do, say, think and be.
Loved to re-read this blog Kathryn. I am finding there is so much more space in accepting imperfection…
per·fec·tion / pərˈfekSH(ə)n/ – the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects. What a misleading word this is – for if we have already clocked flaws or defects that we want to be free of – we are already looking outside of ourselves to confirm who & how we are.
Perfection is something that is manufactured, it is not real and it is not us.
This perfectionism is so not true, but it drives so many people. Just as you I have been lost, too in the illusion that ‘I am only worthy to be loved if I am perfect’. This simply is not true. I deserve to be loved always, from anyone, because I am a divine being and god’s child. This is enough – no higher no lesser – I am divine as I am.
“In fact, I feel the true beauty within me that is strong, still, powerful and forever evolving. I now know who I am. I am an extraordinarily beautiful Woman just being myself, and there is no room for perfection in that. I am worthy of the deep love that flows from within me and is expressed out to the world every single day. I celebrate this love and appreciate all that I am without perfection” I feel deeply your words Kathryn and feel inspired by the love I feel. Thank you for redefining imperfection “Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing” So true, love it!
Fiona, I too have to address the ideals of perfection that I have allowed to enter my body on a daily basis. I feel that this blog has unlocked much and presented me with a much deeper level of self acceptance and glory to live.
Great comment Meg. Reclaiming our limitless Beauty will turn the beauty industry on its head and forever change our imperfect world.
Absolutely Meg and Simone, the cringe factor will be largely eliminated from our choosing and shopping for beauty products and we will have so much fun! Our beauty is there from the moment we wake up – it is always there.
Yeah it’s interesting, I avoided beauty products until a few years ago because I didn’t want them touching the way I looked, but now I see that they need not change anything, just complement the beauty that is already there.
I was exactly the same Meg! I avoided beauty products and never used makeup. I had a bit of an ideal about the clean natural look! When I was in my forties I was in an a cappella singing group that did concerts around Sydney and our director asked us to wear makeup for the performances. I started to experiment with makeup and couldn’t believe how lovely it was to play with. I have never looked back and love to see beautiful women in their makeup.
I totally agree – it is beautiful seeing women who have taken the time to appreciate their beauty. I can really feel the difference too when some mornings I choose to go swimming before work and don’t really bother with my hair or make up all day – the whole day feels different, and a little less cared for.
I so agree Meg! And it is not about perfectionism but is about self-love and care, and what we bring to our day. I always feel uplifted and joyful when I pass a woman in the street who has put love and care into her outfit and makeup – it’s gorgeous.
Kathryn as I read your words I felt my body become alive as the restrictions of perfection lifted. Very powerful expression of truth indeed. Thank you.
Perfection has always been something we strive for outside of ourselves. The truth is that in our essence, we are perfect, but our human expression has many different faces that render us subject to striving for things that are not who we truly are. It’s divine to surrender to the beautiful powerful woman that you are Kathryn, and not ever seek to be anything other than who you are, expressed from your inner-most – we are blessed!
I so know the belief of ‘God won’t love me until I am perfect’ which as you say is total nonesense. This belief cripples you to never being enough and that there is something that you keep doing wrong whilst letting down God. This has all been created by ourselves with not an ounce of truth because we are Love and this is untouchable, it cannot be tainted in anyway. We are Love, this is all we need to be.
The definition in itself gives it all away:
‘per·fec·tion / pərˈfekSH(ə)n/ – the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects.’
This implies that flaws are something we must free ourselves from, in order to attain perfection. Never does it acknowledge that we are so much greater than perfection – we are supremely loving beings that are everything already.
If we play the perfection game, we are striving to be something that is so much less than what we already are naturally!
Very true Kylie, if we connect to who we are in our bodies and feel our essence we know that naturally we are far more than perfect, so there is no need to strive for anything else.
True Kylie. It’s very deceptive to seek even the greatest heights and achievements in life if those activities (like seeking perfection) fail to bring to light first the simple fact that before we even start to do anything we are ‘supremely loving beings that are already everything’. Whether it’s climbing Mount Everest or winning a gold medal, these so called high moments or achievements in life never started with the fact we are enough as we are and no proof is needed…
You greatly expose the ill in perfection here Kathryn! Restrictive and joyless are very apt descriptions.
I love this Kathryn – “Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing.” How liberating when we can embrace this in full. Thank you for an awesome blog.
There is a story I was once told about two buckets. One bucket was complete, the other had, over time, begun to leak a little. Each day a woman from the village would walk to the river, fill the buckets and return home. The complete bucket of course was still full on arrival but the other had by this time only half its contents. When the woman was asked why she would travel so far with a leaking bucket she replied that her path was made all the more beautiful by the leaks because she was now graced with the flowers that had sprung up all along the way.
Barbara this is such a gorgeous story. Since I have come across Universal Medicine I have have heard a lot about the difference between feeling and knowing something with our heart vs thinking and believing something. I find that often what I think with my head can be at odds with what my heart impulses me to do. I used to always go with what I thought, but now that I am more allowing of my inner awareness and knowing to have an expression, I notice that such moments allow a clarity, wisdom and unity that graces me as well as others. But they do not always make sense to my mind and there is sometimes a bit of a tussle which I am learning to not get caught in. This story is such a great confirmation of the wisdom of our heart.
Thank-you Barbara for sharing this gem.
Perfectionism really is a “love blocking suit of armour”. Is it possible I have chosen perfectionism as a way of keeping myself hidden and others out? It has been very tiring for me living with my standards of perfectionism and as I drop them more and more the feelings of lightness, playfulness and joy are returning. Great blog Kathryn.
Beautifully said Nikki! Letting go of the perfectionism allows the lightness and playfulness and joy to return! Yey to that! This beats perfectionism hands down.
“We are forever expanding and can always go deeper”. This for me says it all and expresses the futility of seeking perfection.
I love the succinctness and truth of your comment Patricia: ‘“We are forever expanding and can always go deeper”. This for me says it all and expresses the futility of seeking perfection’. One of the most potent choices one can ever make is to deepen and so expand. The application of any ideal or belief such as perfectionism is futile and severely limiting and harming to the human body and to all true relationships.
Reading your blog Kathryn I can feel that going for perfection feels like capturing something in time. In feels like wrapping something up, labelling it and then putting an ownership tag on it for recognition. I love what you share that all is about evolving and expanding to the possibilities of what is next. This is sharing and being open with everyone and their in-put being of equal value. Who knows what can be created when we choose to be part of the whole and not try and capture a whole part.
Thank you Sandra. this blog and your comment show how limiting the idea of ‘perfection’ is. Perfection is stagnation.
“I am imperfectly perfect” – I love, how this sums up everything. Thank you Kathryn.
Kathryn I love what you have presented here. As I read your blog what I could feel is that perfection is all about an image for the external world – it has nothing to do with what we feel impulsed to do, or being our true and natural selves. That just makes so much sense as to why you felt like you were in a straight jacket – it is a form of prison. How can one truly be themselves when they are forever trying to put on a facade, an image, for other people? It is so beautiful to feel you unravel all of that and unleash the beautiful woman so naturally within you!
By embracing our imperfections, we are accepting ourselves as we are, and being open to allow growth to take place as we change and evolve. Allowing that expansion will only happen when we see we are imperfect in this human body, that’s how we are.
Fantastic Gillrandall, by accepting ourselves as we are, we are opening ourselves up to growth. Otherwise we are constantly chasing an ideal of who and what we want to be, and never truly changing from within, perhaps only on the outside, in the way we look or the behaviours we partake in.
Yes Gillrandall I agree. Self acceptance is key. Also remembering that we are living in a body that is designed to have one life cycle. So therefore this ‘vehicle’ has no perfection but more a process that it evolves through. This in itself is an extraordinary fact. The way we physically change and grow, then change some more and eventually shed our skin is truly miraculous. No room for perfection in form however a very PERFECT natural process.
The knowing about re-incarnation completely changes how we view life entirely. Growth expansion, evolution over many lives clearly shows the ideal of perfection to be flawed! Perfectionism itself is a flaw. I would rather go for being a joy-full work in progress, open to see the illusions and false consciousnesses I have crazily bought into so that these clouds and burdens may be shed forever. If love is there what do imperfections matter?
I’ve returned to baking after many years and had some deliciously imperfect first attempts, hilarious. All was not lost as I continued to play with ingredients, quantities, and timings until I found combinations that worked. No striving here, only playfulness.
Baking playfully sounds a lovely ‘quality’ and recipe for some delicious goodies Kehinde2012!
I love this Rachel, ‘to let go of striving, pushing and not feeling enough is perfection itself!’
This is so true Steffi, ‘I got a deeper sense of where the striving for perfection comes from – we always think, how we are can´t be enough, so if we put something on top, we are worth it’, I have definitely been doing this until recently, trying to be more when Im already enough, this constant striving stops us appreciating who we naturally are and all of the beauty and wisdom that we already hold.
Great blog Kathryn, I have to wonder where the word perfection even came from and where we started using it. I know I have certainly suffered from ‘perfectionism’ for many many years and yet I have to wonder is it possible that we have misinterpreted the word and its true meaning. For example, when someone hands me the exact change at work, or a friend suggests a time to meet that is exactly as what I was feeling, or one of my children hand me the right ingredient when cooking, I might reply with a genuineness in my words and eyes ‘perfect’. But this then feels very different from the perfection you speak of here which I do know too too well. I feel it is so important that we keep exposing the ‘perfection’ myth so we can all free ourselves from its imprisoning hold – no more bars!
A work colleague a while back told me that I wouldn’t be able to do a job I was going for because I was a perfectionist and at the time I thought how is that a bad thing. But looking at it now she was right, because I would have been too hard on myself and unable accept my mistakes which would lead to too much stress. So, it just shows how being a perfectionist can in fact hold us so tight that we are unable to evolve and put too much energy into getting everything right.
I am feeling the grip of perfection right now and the amount of stress it/I create is quite incredible – but not in a good way! It definitely goes against the natural flow of life when we strive for perfection and we do not allow ourselves the space and grace to work things out as they come along. It does halt the natural playfulness that we can bring to things.
How well described Sarahflenley – the grip of perfection – it is like a ghastly claw grabbing at our backs as we say ‘yes’ to the myth of perfection. And all the time we are saying ‘yes’ to that myth, we are saying ‘no’ to our innate and stupendous divinity and delaying ourselves and everyone else our true birthright.
I agree Julie trying to be perfect means we have to hold our bodies so tightly and rigid effectively having to control EVERYTHING – so we can keep it the way we want it to be regardless of the effect that has on others, so long as from our point of view it looks right then that’s all that matters. It is exhausting trying to live this way and actually cuts us from a lot of people along the way. Plus we miss out on all the amazing opportunities we are given each day to learn from. Being perfect assumes we know everything and cannot make any mistakes, it effectively sets us up to fail.
It’s impossible Victoria especially when we can’t see what is going on, let alone cope with what is going on.
I can relate to that Julie, I have been looking at the perfectionist within myself too, and can totally see how damaging this perfectionism is and has been; and I clearly see that it’s got nothing going for it. How freeing that we now know being ‘perfect’ is a total illusion and we can now let that striving for perfectionism go, phew! Feels so freeing!
I agree Esther, there does come with a sense of freedom and now I am getting the sense that there is even more to unravel, as when I look a little closer more behaviours are revealed.
This is a great example Julie, of the stress and tension that can be caused by the need to be a perfectionist which can have such a evident effect on our lives and our ability to live life in fullness. I know for myself actually just how restrictive seeking a perfect outcome is, the stress, rigidity and discomfort that enters my body when I choose to live like this is quite harming, rather than when I choose to allow and accept situations and outcomes for what they are, and simply letting them unfold with no expectations.
This is great Oliver. So often I have an expectation of what something should be like, but this never seems to work and gets confusing. Letting things unfold as you say is the true way to go I reckon. It has far less tension in my body that is for sure.
Great blog, I’m sure you are right in that there is not perfection only expansion and growth, and maybe even when we get to heaven we are forever evolving and expanding so perfection is still a fair way off.
I can feel at times how I sink into feeling I have got somewhere or made it and thus stop expanding or growing. I can go into the illusion of being perfect or of having made it. When really all I need to do is accept my imperfections and stay open to evolving.
Yes Kathryn, ‘The truth is that I am not perfect and deep within me is a knowing that this is okay… as there is no such thing as perfection’. It is this blessed okay-ness that lets the body’s particles expand and make space for our divinity to enter and become available in our embodiment here on earth. Long live acceptance!
This is a beautiful blog. We choose perfection when we decide not to be ourselves, all that we are in full, whatever that is, regardless of how amazing that is.
Brilliant blog Kathryn! I was just being aware of the ‘energetic geometry’ of what perfectionism feels like in the body. The angles are all pointy, the rhythm is jilted, and it is so unsexy. Not until I read this blog did I fully realise how cruel perfectionism is, even though I ‘knew’ with my head and from statistics that many students in their final year of high school have committed suicide because of this ideal. It shows how harming any ideal is, and how only being connected to one’s own enduring and beautiful inner-heart love actually works.
Yes Anon. Perfectionism most certainly stops the flow of thereby in the body and brings it to a full-stop, a cul-de-sac – it feels horrible!
Your blog Kathryn, gives permission to us all to allow Perfection to be but an explanation in the dictionary and not an attribute we must take on in our lives.
Yes true Steffi it cycles around like that, all because of choosing to separate from the absolute joy and harmony of our innermost in the first place, which is always enough in any situation in life.
Kathryn, what you offer is gorgeous, that perfection is the antithesis of cycles, of evolving, that it’s a capping, effectively that strait jacket you talked of since it’s been done and it’s attempting to repeat based on something past or out there. There is no joy or life in that, it’s robotic and life sucking, no wonder it’s so exhausting. And I know this well, it’s one I’m seeing more daily and seeing how I loose the juiciness of me when I aim for perfection, and there’s not an ounce of love in it.
You may have nailed it here Kathryn … perfection is merely a love blocking armour and a great form of protection from feeling just how powerful we are.
Just as the cycles have no end to their expansion and evolution so do we. This is very wise Kathryn, and very true. We are self correcting bodies, always pulling to a higher vibration, perfection is laughable when we really feel how grand we are.
“Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect.”
Kathryn, Imperfection opens you up to an never ending joyful life. This is living, being perfect felt like I was not living.
This is a great blog. Perfection was always held up as the ideal to be, the goal to achieve but at the same time one always knew it was never achievable. A ‘catch-22’ knowing one would always fail however hard one strived. Living imperfection as you share Kathryn is such a ‘doable’ prospect and lovingly achievable
I love how you expose that trying to be perfect stops you connecting with others – I found this too – and that is stopped me from connecting to myself – because perfection was always something outside of me.
Letting go of this identity has been huge for me, as it allows me to not be controlled by what is not true.And gets me out of the comfort of thinking I’ll never be perfect.
Absolutely Kathryn, perfection is a hard task. I know I found I could get recognition and attention by doing things well, especially things that others asked of me. As I grew up it became such an unconscious part of me that it was just the way I was. However it was such an exhausting way to live that illness duly followed. My reaction to my body breaking down was reflective on my intolerance of a ‘bad job’ and I deemed somehow that I had failed. Ironically this imperfection was the very thing that lead me (after a spell of chasing perfect health!) to Universal Medicine and the understanding that we are way, way, way more than any picture of perfection.
I love what you have shared here ‘Perhaps we cannot measure perfection because we are forever evolving? This means that there must be change in everything we think, do and express. We are forever expanding and can always go deeper… in our conversations, our movements, in our connection with self.’ This is my theme for a program that I am starting tomorrow and I am loving the acceptance that there is no place or perfection, just a gentle allowing to surrender to what is there.
Awesome Heidi. Let us know how the program supports you 🙂
If you watch a small child they are filled with imperfection yet filled with joy and love. There is no right or wrong in this world, just an imperfect expression of who they are.
Yes Bianca and Stephen children are an awesome example of the glory of imperfection. The way they express is so free and open allowing the world in and the love out.
No trying required. Just a natural feeling to be themselves. When do we change and why?
Since reading this blog I have been reflecting on how perfection stops us from appreciating the beauty that we have within. I was pondering on babies and how people fall in love with the beauty they emanate. We do not ask them to be perfect but simply appreciate the gorgeousness they bring by them simply being alive.
I agree Alison. We can hear a truth again and again, but until we embody it, it will be knowledge. This blog has helped me to embody that not only is perfection not possible, but it is not necessary.
Wow, if everyone could see perfectionism the way you just expressed it, there would be a big change in the world.
The way people see themselves and go about everything they do would be completely different, and truly freeing.
Beautiful Blog.
It is interesting how we set ourselves up by having unattainable goals and then go into self criticism for not reaching our expectations. I never really gave it much thought until recently and what I have come to realise is the anxiety and stress living like this causes. It does feel as though perfectionism keeps us tightly bound and restrained, with the thoughts that come with it, which are quick to pop in to keep that behaviour going.
Kathryn thank-you for pulling the curtain on this truly poisonous endeavour for which i have spent many years chasing. Perfectionism is a self-imprisonment that may look squeaky clean from the outside but can never be full-filled from within. As i read your blog i am struck by the enormous cap that this holds over our natural playful expression.
Its great to read your article Kathryn, this stood out for me this time, ‘In many ways trying to be perfect has prevented me from truly connecting with others, never allowing myself to feel unravelled, exposed and free to walk my own path’, I used to try and give an image of being ‘perfect’,that everything was all fine, that I had no issues, no complaints, i can feel how this has stopped me from truly connecting with others, I felt like I was holding back and not opening up and sharing what i was truly feeling, it is only recently that I have started to be more honest with friends and family and this feels gorgeous, I can feel how they are now getting to be with the real me, that isn’t ‘perfect’ and always ‘right’, but who is much more honest, open and humble and accepting of myself and others and much more open to changing patterns and behaviours that do not work.
Beautifully expressed Rebecca. I too have gradually come to know that I can be honest with friends and family and colleagues and not pretend everything is ‘perfect’ all the time. It does bring such a humbleness and it transparently shows the arrogance in the stand of perfectionism or being ‘right’.
Trying to be perfect- the perfect mum to my children, perfect wife to my husband, perfect daughter- in law to my husband’s mother- the perfect student – the list is endless and so exhausting !
I remember trying to achieve this impossibility when I first got married believing that this is how to be loved by others.
How freeing it was when I finally met Serge and Natalie Benhayon who spoke about perfection as unattainable, and not it.
Instead learning to love and appreciate me who I am in full is the hidden key and this feels beautiful and supportive.
What joy Sonja to read your words on the madness of perfection!
I love what you have presented here Loretta, and so timely for me to read. I have been pondering on the feelings of inadequacy I have had of late around my work, and around being a mother – and I’ve been trying to feel into where these feelings are arising from… and of course it’s by striving for perfection! You are exactly right, learning to love and appreciate me is the key to unravelling this…
Thank you Kathryn, I absolutely love your last sentence “I am imperfectly perfect”. I also would strive to be perfect. What a load off the shoulders to realise there is no need to be perfect. For me it feels much more expansive to no longer strive to be something that I am not, this is a much more loving.
I agree Jade, I too have been removing the drive for perfection slowly slowly, layer by layer, as I seem to discover it in the oddest of places. It had permeated throughout much of my life and being – everything a trying, a striving, wanting to achieve something – all driven by perfection. Letting go is hugely freeing, and restful also! The latter part I love.
I love the way you have called this article “Imperfect’ – I Iove the simplicity and singularity of it. It has brought back memories of a very popular movie simply called ’10’ (1979) where the image of perfection (in the form of an ideal ‘perfect’ woman, played by Bo Derek, is chased by a middle-aged man). This perfect 10 turns out to be nothing like he expects it to be and he returns to the imperfect woman he married and to a much richer life, now released from the obsession with an ideal. We all know perfectionism is a lie, and that if we allow the latitude of imperfection to be there life is all the more loving. The tightness that is held in our bodies when run by perfectionism can be gracefully released to an all-encompassing understanding and acceptance.
Lyndy thank you for making this link between imperfection and the movie ’10’, I remember it well. The perfect 10 as you suggest is usually unobtainable, or rare and the pursuit of it pointless and shortlived. As you say how much more loving to ‘allow the latitude of imperfection to be there’ and accept ourselves as we are.
Lindy I love what you have written here – what a great analogy… and this is exactly as I feel it. Perfection is an ideal, and forever a tension and a strain in our bodies when we strive for it.
Great blog Kathryn. Perfection, for me, was like a prison, one that I had held onto most of my life to control my environment and manipulate people into approving of me – to have me fit in. I haven taken off that particular ‘iron corset’ and have discovered a freedom that is far more loving for myself and others.
Janneprice thank you for sharing that you have taken off the ‘iron corset’ of perfection. The freedom we have discovered is truly liberating isn’t it? No more control and no more manipulation. Striving for perfection was so restrictive and exhausting.
Ahhhh…. now we can breathe again :):)
Perfection does bring a tension to the body and to our focus in our lives. It is a draining point of view of life to hold. Imperfection can be a wishy washy anything goes mentality or allowing of true space to express, learn and evolve.
I like that Simon. It’s a choice. Imperfection can actually be a lovely place to be – it can be enjoyed. It can be an ever deepening exploration!
Yes, I like this too – I’ve never felt that before – that imperfection can be enjoyed… but imperfection is where the truth is… and what’s not to enjoy about that?!
When you say that “imperfection can actually be a lovely place to be” – that feels amazing. I’m choosing imperfection more and more and am loving the space I am finding, like Simon Voysey said – the space to express. It is a space to be me instead of a boxed up version I’m trying to fit.
I agree, imperfection brings a kind of quirky fun to life – it certainly doesn’t have to be something that we strive to get away from.
Awesome blog. I love what you shared here. It is so true. I have also at times in the past gone into thinking that everything has to be perfect where in fact that puts so much pressure on myself and others simply because it is not realistic.
Yes I agree Chan Ly and Julie, perfection is unattainable – it’s based on images and ideals, and as Kathryn has outlined in this article – there is no such thing as perfection as we are all constantly evolving and changing. It’s almost as though if we attained ‘perfect’ that the bench post would move… so it feels far more true to be real and honest about where we are at.
I love the way you have re-defined perfection Kathryn, embracing our imperfections as opportunities to grow and learn, or accepting that we don’t have to try hard, that we are enough the way we are, brings such freedom.
Yes Alison so many people wear the mask to hide the emptiness underneath. Once the mask is removed and the reality is felt then the healing can begin.
I love this blog, thank you Kathryn. I can feel how hard I have been on myself for not being perfect. I can feel how the endless pursuit of perfection has trapped me into feeling myself as less because I am not perfect, and I can feel the effect this has on those around me. There is much to ponder on in this blog.
A great blog on an area so so many are plagued by. I am realising how strangling perfectionism is and how by having set myself so many pictures of perfection that when something doesn’t fit in the past I have felt like a failure and just want to hide how I am actually feeling. I am finding it freeing to let go of the need to be perfect. Thank you Kathryn.
I had that same realisation Alison – that an appreciation of and attention to detail and order is like the divine version of perfectionism. I also felt too that on some level we will feel drawn to perfection because where we come from is far grander than where we find ourselves now, on planet Earth. Knowing the beauty of the universal, the earthly can feel like something far, far less. The key then is acceptance – that where we are now is no less divine or deserving of our appreciation. We’re human and we’re divinely imperfect.
Very true Heather.
The illusion of being perfect, seems to me, to be only a never ending drive to attain something that isn’t real and in the process only serves to take us away from who we truly are, alienating others along the way; as we strive for perfection in ourselves then we can only expect it from others. The expectation of ‘perfect’ expression is an area where we can dismiss others with our illusion of perfection, cutting them off, making them wrong, all coming from some sort of supremacy attitude. What if our expression and all else we do is only ever evolving? Seeing the divinity in ourselves and another, understanding that imperfection is just being human, could make it easier to accept others equally, without perfection. Thanks Kathryn, your blog asks us to look at ourselves and our relationship with perfection.
Thanks Mark yes, I am feeling the same sense of how striving for perfection takes us away from ourselves creating an underlying angst that we are not enough – ever! As you rightly say, perfection is an illusion, an ideal that simply serves to make us feel eternally inadequate.
Hi Kathryn, this blog brings a great awareness to what perfectionism is and how it keeps you captured in an illusion. It is always something you have to chase but you never catch it. And why? Because something that seems perfect at one point, already has the possibility to evolve to more than it at that point is. The text that stands out for me is ….” But what if there is no perfection in life and nature – only cycles? Cycles impulse around and around, they are naturally and forevermore expanding and evolving, there is no end to these cycles. There is no stagnation, only change.”…., because to me this is very true.
Trying to be the Perfectionist – I know this well! and to me now it feels tense, static, imprisoning and false. Striving for perfection to be loved or lovable is something that resonates and so it is so freeing to know now that that being perfect is not attainable and is not it. Being imperfect leaves me open to expansion and learning because I am not trying to be something and therefore it is actually a much simpler way to live.
Such a great blog Kathryn, perfection is such a trick like a carrot on a stick in front of us, and when we are always looking forward we miss out on feeling all the amazingness that we already are!
Ariana, you are so direct in this comment and I really appreciate the way you deliver truth. Your line “Being perfect doesn’t exist” “it is the biggest con trick on the face of the planet”
You have blown the topic out of the water… all of a sudden being Perfect means nothing and has no power as it has been exposed by you my friend as an impossible preposterous task, thank you for your sass!!
Simon, as I read your words I seem to feel lighter and fluid in the body, more… well free.
I find this interesting to observe and what I have come to is this theory: due to the mastery of your own acceptance and not striving for perfection your livingness holds that and therefore emanates in your writing. Truly thank you.
The whole thing of pursuing perfection is a very clever lie, perhaps the cleverest. We strive for it, but it is actually impossible to attain in life on earth. So why have we made it so normal to strive for it? Perhaps we are using it to ignore something else, the pink dinosaur in the room – the fact that we cannot escape our hurts by patching them with recognition, acceptance and approval. It is a way of trying to control the outcome of the future whilst holding onto the past. It’s been a big part of my life to have this protection of getting everything right and being great at lots of things, but none of it has connected me to love. When I accept that I don’t have to be perfect and even with all my imperfections I am super and grand, I feel the floodgates of love open up and a deep sense of self-acceptance and an understanding of others.
I wonder when and how perfectionism starts. Is it with the concept of right and wrong? Making a mistake and being ridiculed so that we are forever after watching everything we do to not have that experience again? Is it that we are not supported and accepted for just being who we are with no need to ‘improve’? There is a strong push in society for faster, higher, longer, stronger – to always be better, always striving because there must be more, borne from the dissatisfaction from a lack of connection with our innate selves. Time we stopped looking outside for proof that we’re okay and instead trust and nurture our inner self.
Gorgeously expressed Kathryn. It is really doesn’t make sense how we have created and championed the belief that being perfect is a goal to reach, is ‘good’, and that who we essentially are is not enough. Chasing perfection actually caps us from living our true potential. Perfection is a limitation, as once you ‘apparently’ attain it that’s it, you’re ‘good’ so to speak and nothing more. I have chased perfection and can so relate to the exhaustion of this unattainable state. We are so much more and claiming our imperfection is actually empowering as this is how we are truly able to evolve. As you so beautifully said ‘We are forever expanding and can always go deeper…’ When we do appreciate all of who we are, the beauty and joy in living this ever-expanding quality this far exceeds any state of perfection that we think we should achieve.
Such a beautiful sharing Kathryn. Perfectionism is so rigid and tight, hence the silent screams at ourselves when we can’t live up to this ill way of being. Connecting to that part of me that knows that I am already enough takes me away from this stagnant treadmill and into a joyous spaciousness.
Beautifully shared Shelleyjones44. I agree, it definitely is riding and tight because it is very controlling. I have been like this in the past but now I am learning to not have unrealistic expectations to be in perfection from myself or others.
It wasn’t until I heard the term ‘perfectly imperfect’ that I began to really realise how imperfect I actually am and how this is actually perfect for me! Free of the the beliefs and ideals that I thought I had to be.
‘I am now enjoying appreciating myself without the need to be perfect.’ Thank you Kathryn this is so supportive for me to read today as a reminder that striving for perfection got me nowhere but a lot of grief and appreciation of where I am and how far I have come is a perfect antidote when these feelings of should be doing better/be perfect creep in.
When we let down the walls we have built up around ourselves from ideals and beliefs, life becomes so much clearer and easier. Perfection is one of those walls, it is a barrier to what is true and holds us back from actually justing feeling free to be ourselves, with so-called imperfections and all.
So true Jo, perfection is a barrier, it keeps people out and lets no one in, it’s the perfect set up.
Great point Jo “perfection is a barrier” and it does not hold people equal if we need to strive for being better than another and their is no joy in that, but a hardness and pushing for being more…
This is beautiful – thank you Kathryn. I can feel that each time I am seeking to be perfect I am setting myself up to fail and thus feeding my lack of self worth. How inspiring to feel there is a different way to live – in forever evolving cycles, with no need for perfection.
This sums it up for me too Marika. I had spend most of my life seeking this never attainable ‘perfection’ (even if I was good in one area, there was always an area that still needed work or could have been done even better) and always feeling I was not good enough if I fell short of this and hence trying to do more and more to make up for it. Self-acceptance – and I would add to this.. ‘self-appreciation’ – has been a huge thing for me to explore and build into my daily life – and is definitely a far more joyful and fulfilling experience (for myself and others!) than perfection!
It’s as though perfectionism and self appreciation are two opposite ends of the spectrum, with one saying you are not enough and the other confirming that we have everything we need inside of us.
A celebration of imperfection – how awesome. Your blog reminds me of the time when I let go of having to know all the answers in my work as a trainer Kathryn. What a relief to be able to accept and say, ‘I don’t know’! I particularly felt the truth of your observation that there is Divine order in ‘imperfection’ – always room for expansion. Thank you for sharing your blog.
” I am imperfectly perfect” i love that line Kathryn, something to write on street walls as a steady reminder for all of us.
I love this too Janina, it sums it all up reallly. I feel I can let go of all the false facades and false protections which was more harming than protecting to truly live life with true purpose and love.
Well said Janina, ‘I am imperfectly perfect’ does need to be written on street walls to remind us. Perfectionism is such a tyranny, such a rod that we as a race have beaten ourselves up with through the ages. The opposite of striving for perfectionism i.e. giving up and withdrawing, feels to be a response that can also come from feeling unable to meet the ‘perfectionism’ standard. Which ever way one goes with it, it ends up in misery.
Perfectionism must be discarded now for the damage it brings upon one and all.
This is what happened to me that I gave up and withdrew as I was not very good in school and knew I won’t be able to make it in such a world. This has changed now. Knowing today it is not about being perfect but being me, bringing my tenderness and joy wherever I go, I am able to work and do things I would have never imagined to do and love it.
Agreed Janina, so simple, so beautiful and so true ~ “I am imperfectly perfect”
How beautiful to see this in words. Lovingly kicking perfectionism into touch as the always just out of reach, never quite made it carrot, that kept me teetering on the edge of despair and self-denigration for so long. As I fall back into love with life and myself and our imperfections, I am open once more to learning and growing, not needing to hold my breath along the way until I get somewhere elusive. Thank you, Kathryn.
Thank you Kathryn for this great sharing , to strive for perfection holds you in a mind set to see only imperfection and sit in judgement.
The beautiful words in the blog are deeply restoring as I have been someone that also uses ‘perfection’ to hide behind and lock myself into. The freedom that comes from letting go of this perfection bubble is amazing and for me I didn’t really see just how trapped I was until I let it go. I’m still learning to let it go though as more and more layers often come up when I thought I had healed that part of myself. As you say, it is a constant changing concept that is never stagnate but always deepening and asking us to be more.
I can relate Natasha, there are many layers to perfection and they become more and more subtle and trickier to see – always more to learn!
I didn’t strive for perfection but definitely held myself up against it to not achieve it so in effect it ruled me as well. When I read “But what if there is no perfection in life and nature – only cycles? ” there is a freedom offered.
A huge freedom, there is a constriction that comes with seeking perfection and a wide open space-like feel when I think about cycles and what they truly offer. How can there be a completion or a perfection when we are not moving from a to b only, but in fact are moving around and back to a point in which we already started from. Could this mean that we are returning to a point from which we already are and therefore what could there even be to perfect on?
When we reach one point there is already another waiting for us to move to. I used to want to pause or ask God to turn the volume down when it felt like life got overwhelming. I very rarely have that feeling anymore because whatever is happening I now understand it is part of a cycle and an opportunity to learn and evolve.
There is great perfection when I live in connection. My eyes are not seeking something that looks perfect because I feel perfect on the inside. Walking in connection, taking a breath in connection or cooking in connection just simply feels perfect. When I move in this rhythm, it is this that governs how things are done rather than an obsessive intent to get something right because it already feels right.
What I felt when I read your comment Matthew, was that you describe what perfect actually means, when we are coming from our absolute essence there is only that perfect quality. The bastardised version of perfect today is just a way of making people feel less from an unachievable goal outside of ourselves.
Beautifully expressed Matthew, I couldn’t agree more. Perfection is right there deep inside of us, our issue is that we seek outside of ourselves to find it, when really we don’t need to go anywhere or do anything, it is already there. Once realising this it is about accepting that we are already whole.
Beautifully said Donna. It’s about accepting the perfection already within, rather than seeking an idea of it ‘out there’. Thank you.
This is perfectly summing up for me the difference between perfection and imperfection. Because I could easily go into ‘ah, I shouldn’t be perfect, perfectionism is bad’ or any other new ideal or belief. Where really, I’ve come to see that everything I feel is there to be felt and expressed. This in all it’s imperfectionism or perfectionism (what is perfectionism, really…) just an amazing travel. The more I choose (and for me really strongly resonates, dare to choose) being in my heart, the more I allow myself to also feel the hurts. And I do need to feel them, in order to let them go. In order to learn that whatever happens outside of me, that it is not about me. And for someone who always took everything personal, this is huge!
Gorgeous Matthew I absolutely agree.
When we are disconnected…. things feel difficult and trying to ‘get it right’ comes into the activity. Paddling up stream is hard work.
The rhythm we feel when in connection feels perfect. It feels spacious and there is a gentle flow.
This is a much needed blog for women out there Kathryn. Thank you for sharing this. I have had my own beliefs of perfectionism and in my experience trying to be perfect was setting me up for constant failure as is the trying I was never able to keep it up, it was a forever losing battle. I love how you shared that ‘Perhaps we cannot measure perfection because we are forever evolving’ This makes so much sense as how can things stay the same, in this perfect expectation when we are constantly evolving. Thank you Kathryn.
I loved this part too Victoria, thank you for highlighting it. I can feel how when we live behind this facade of being perfect it stops us from having real and deeply engaging discussions with people. There is a coldness in this superficiality and both parties walk away feeling dissatisfied and unmet. Allowing myself to be seen for where I am really at is a great freedom and supports the person I am speaking with to simply be where they are at too and from this place real, honest and warm conversations are had 🙂
Love this blog, thanks Kathryn. I can so relate to being bound head to toe by a drive to be perfect. I had this belief that if I could achieve perfection in everything I did the aching, longing feeling that I had inside that something was missing would be fulfilled. Perfection for me was about proving I was enough. This was exhausting and completely unattainable. It is through the presentations of Universal Medicine and the Esoteric Healing Modalities that I have found a way to re-connect to my inner core. I have come to know that my knowing that I am enough comes from my relationship with my innermost essence, for in here we are exquisitely beautiful so much so that no need can exist because we are already complete and full.
You are so right about this Rachel: ‘We trap ourselves into never feeling we are enough and always striving for the next goal.’ Psychologist Marianna Masiorski has written a brilliant article about the evil of ‘trying’ and ‘striving’ and how it takes us away from the truth of ourselves and our divine intelligence. http://medicineandsergebenhayon.com/2013/05/06/beyond-depression-an-effortless-approach/
Beautifully shared Marika, perfection is an outer imposed view we subscribe to, instead of being in that lovely place of self acceptance and appreciation. Perfection is so limited and demanding and usually focuses on one aspect of ourselves at a time, body shape etc and always misses the whole view of the person.
Thank you Kathryn, this is the conversation we needed to have! For me I’ve never read a blog more powerful, as I read each word I felt the strain I’ve lived in giving my power away to the unreachable and ever changing dangling carrot of “perfection”. It’s definitely for me coming from a place of deep self judgement and feeling unworthy as I am, so much so that I’ve moulded myself in every moment to “meet the brief” so I could become what’s needed or acceptable. I will need to explore this blog again and again, but for now I thank you for assisting me to also break free of the chains of perfection.
Thanks Kathryn for your blog on perfectionism, I will be reading it again. It is a sticky topic for me that I am only starting to unravel, I even had trouble reading through this whole blog in one go and came back to read it from the start and all the way through in the last couple of days. Perfectionism has been difficult to grasp for me as there are so many things I don’t care about and am not being perfect about, so I am learning about the subtleties of perfectionism and their outplay in my life – it turns out there is a lot more perfectionism imprisonment than I realised but understanding it will be great so it can be flicked off for the tiny speck that it is.
Striving for perfectionism keeps us locked away from truly being with each other and from being with myself. True connection and joy is emerging from letting go and embracing the magic of unfoldment through ‘imperfectionism’, as you beautifully share Kathryn.
So well said Emmadanchin, it keeps us from truly being with others as well as with ourselves. It’s the opposing force to brotherhood. Kristy is right, perfection is far more insidious than we may think it is.
As I read this fantastic blog, I can really relate to ‘trying to be perfect’. All the things we conjure up to ensure that we are OK. What seems to underlie that subtly is that in doing that, I am also trying ‘not’ to be the amazingness that I am. There is some sense when reading about the perfection, that, yes there is perfection in the imperfect, and that really all this trying, is a cover-up to not just allow ourselves to live that perfect imperfection to its greatest ability, which means continually working on coming back to the fullness and potential of us, as you say Kathryn. This feels big, something to ponder for my day. Thank you
‘I am imperfectly perfect.’ so simple and powerful.
This insidious and destructive mentality infects every area of life if we let it. The devastating and destructive nature of perfectionism was revealed to me a couple of years ago when I read a report by Gillian Calvert, Commissioner for Children and Young people in NSW, saying that a large proportion of teen suicide occurred amongst ‘good students’ driven by the ideal of perfectionism at HSC exam time. How can any ideal be okay when this is the result?
See more at: http://www.unimedliving.com/education/education-now-what-s-trending/when-exam-stress-becomes-a-matter-of-life-and-death-the-effect-of-exams-on-student-health-and-wellbeing.html#sthash.uBRHNuNL.dpuf
So well said Rachel! When I read this awesome blog yesterday it was the image of the geisha bound waist and foot in her gilded cage that brought home the enormity of the cruelty of perfectionism and how we have bought into it. That glamorous and gilded cage may appear to be vastly superior to that drab prison cell, but essentially they are one and the same. We become separated from each other and our own inner-hearts through this insidious ideal of perfectionism. And anything that separates is pure evil.
Re-reading this blog again for the second time, I felt how hideous the notion of having to be perfect is. It cuts us off from ourselves and everybody else as well. Whereas when we accept our own imperfections, when we accept ourselves as who we are, we’re also accepting the imperfections of everybody else, and thus embracing humanity in a way we couldn’t before. Imperfection is an evil ploy to create judgment and separation instead of understanding and the opportunity to forever expand.
Yes Katerina
All is for one and one is for all.
Whatever we think we are doing to ourselves effects all of our relationships and the entire world.
Our responsibility to being true to ourselves stretches far and wide.
Aah the philosopher, love it Alex. I felt that many concepts we carry (and perfection is one of them) are built on the illusion of reaching a final point. Doesn’t the concept of death limit us as you say to one body, one life and little responsibility for ourselves and humanity as a whole an thus disempower us and keep us unaware of a much grander bigger picture?
Brilliant question Josephine. The concept of both death and lineal time does limit and disempower us by robbing us of the grander picture and our continuing responsibility in the immense yet intimate scheme of things.
That’s God isn’t it, immense yet intimate, yes I like how you’ve expressed this Lyndy, hits the nail on the head beautifully.
Kathryn, I feel your blog is very timely. It is time that the seeming ‘good’ of perfectionism is exposed. The fact that it looks like a ‘good’ thing is what makes it most evil i.e. mot separative. It looks like something we should all strive for, but when viewed and felt energetically it is in fact futile and imprisoning because, as you have exposed, it is used as a protective device for any of us who have bought into the false ‘I am not worthy’ mentality . . . and so firmly cements that falsity into the person and the person’s body. AS you say:
“Perfectionism held me back from being my gorgeous, playful, fluid and powerful self. In many ways trying to be perfect has prevented me from truly connecting with others, never allowing myself to feel unravelled, exposed and free to walk my own path. I have been lost in the illusion that ‘I am only worthy of love if I am perfect’. This simply is not true”.
Yes Lyndy
Being perfect is something we champion isn’t it?
Who gets the gold stars at school? The ‘perfect’ student.
How do we want to look, impress or succeed? PERFECTLY.
It is most definitely all wrapped up tightly in being good… another behaviour that binds us and squeezes the life out. Time to unravel 🙂
You really struck a cord in me Kathyrn, I have been wondering lately why I don’t go into fits of laughter, giggle, hum a lot like I did when I was a kid. What’s changed to have me suppress the free and spontaneous expression that was just there but now has been turned down… Yes I do feel I wear a ‘monitor’ that clocks every move and evaluates my performance and possibly this is my straight jacket. Awesome blog to bring me to releasing yet another ‘layer of the onion’.
There is a ‘trying’ that comes with perfection, a pleasing and control – needing to get it right or for things to be a certain way. Wow, I see what you say Kathryn about their being a joy and playfulness when perfection is dropped. For me, not needing to be perfect comes with self-acceptance and self-appreciation…something I am working with so thank you so very much Kathryn for your sharing.
Perfection is a disease, like a virus or a parasite, that sucks us dry. It feeds on our weakness and our lack of self-worth and our lack of remembering our true place on this earth. It drives us to constant bettering of our body and our life. It makes us hold back from all that we are because we buy into this enormous lie. Yet regardless of how much we allow this disease, this poison, our essence still remains untouched. We only delay in bringing it out.
Spot on Sara.The disease know as Perfection is a worldwide epidemic.
And underneath this cloak our Divinity sparkles. Imagine if we all let go of the weight of this demon and simply allowed our essence to shine through.
Then the way we connected… The way we raised children. Schooling. Health & Lifestyles… So much of the way we lived would feel very different.
Well said Sara. It is a disease and it does feed on an underlying lack of self-worth that we erroneously think is us. It’s in gently and steadily building a strong and tender foundation where we can fall back on ourselves as we unravel these destructive patterns that we can truly turn this around. Without this loving foundation in which we can hold ourselves, it’s too much — we can freak out and be enormously hard on ourselves, and lo and behold we’re back in the self-bashing cycle of perfection once again.
Yes Susie, the media is perpetuating this poison with their representation of celebrity ‘idols’ living plastic fantastic lives…and yet we are all privy to the same poison, even if it is less obvious and not as glamourised, we still use perfection to keep us in a rut and a cycle that keeps confirming that we are not good enough. So great to be having this discussion and calling perfection out for what it is.
‘Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect’. Love it Kathryn. Your words are both wise and inspiring – great blog thankyou.
Thank you Kathryn, I loved reading your blog. “In many ways trying to be perfect has prevented me from truly connecting with others, never allowing myself to feel unravelled, exposed and free to walk my own path. I have been lost in the illusion that ‘I am only worthy of love if I am perfect. This simply is not true.” Understanding and feeling the truth of this sentence is so absolutely freeing, and reading these words in particular “never allowing myself to feel unravelled” brought a feeling of release and letting go in my body.
It’s interesting to feel the tension in my body as I read your blog Kathryn, I can so relate to what you are sharing. I know that I have been very much caught up in the perfection game and how much control comes into this. It’s interesting to to see where this plays out, for it’s not everywhere. It’s like I have an ideal on what something should be like and I do everything possible to reach that, whether it be relationships or my performance at work. I remember I used to really struggle with saying “I don’t know”, not wanting to let people down. Not now. The tension created in this is incredible. Letting go of wanting to control situations and outcomes and myself is a work in progress and there is a much less sense of striving for perfection in this. Imperfection is the new black.
The key for me here Kathryn is that we are forever changing – evolving. If I stop and feel what this means there is an enormous and natural responsibility inherent in everything I think, feel and do! The quality and awareness I bring to everything is my marker. It all comes back to my choices every time an opportunity presents itself in a cycle.
Perfectly said Bernadette- ‘The quality and awareness I bring to everything is my marker. ‘ this is do true, the quality we bring to every moment ends up being our life.
Another very powerful blog Kathryn. It makes me wonder who invented the word ‘perfection’ and why. Love your personal interpretation of the word ‘imperfection’ – “Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect.”
Perfectionism caps my potential. I have been striving for it my whole life and have felt a constant anxiety in my body. This is no wonder as I am asking myself to be something that I am not. It slows me down whilst being in a real push and drive towards these goal posts that keep moving further away whilst I try to gain distance.
It so caps potential Annie, and it is a devastating reality. We each have SO much to be, and the possibility to shine so freely and so brightly is always there but it is so easy to get caught up in the construct of perfection, all the pressure to be a certain way in society, pulls us from every angle. The only way to break the perfection bubble is deep contentment with self and feeling deeply the beautiful qualities that we all have.
That’s a great way to put it Annie, driving towards the goal posts that keep moving away – and still trying to trick ourselves that we can somehow meet them. Such a recipe for disaster and I can feel how that can make me go into thinking that I am not good enough instead of seeing and accepting all that I am now.
Yes Annie – ‘Perfection’ as you have mentioned is so much less that we already are. It also is totally disempowering. Time to Bless the world by being ourselves and celebrating that in full.
I can remember always referring to myself as a “perfectionist” and in that there was always a knowing of a weakness that existed in choosing this job title. Perfection is a state you can never reach, it is simply an unattainable ideal that keeps you locked in self criticism and never feeling like you will ever measure up. I didn’t need to wait for feedback about my work, for even when I received acclaim there lay the daggers I stabbed into myself putting myself down … It’s the strangest thing to be cast asunder, a persecution of a fashion … I have to be perfect before I am worthy of love … How crazy that all sounds now for now life is an absolute joy as I laugh and play with expressing me, a gorgeous, gorgeous woman!
You highlight a great point Alex. We often ask ourselves to be more of who we are not rather than supporting ourselves to be all that we truly are.
The debilitating affects of perfectionism are quite enormous, for perfectionism is a tail forever chased and never captured… striving for it denies us the beauty and expansion that can be experienced when we truly appreciate all that we bring in that moment and our imperfection in that is honoured and embraced.
Beautifully stated Samantha, honouring our imperfections is such a huge step in appreciation for self and others and a very freeing feeling.
I never really thought of myself as a perfectionist, but where does the drive to keep doing things come from? There is a feeling of never being / doing enough. This morning I woke with the realisation that nobody is breathing down my neck telling me I must do all the things I tell myself I must do, so why am I constantly pushing myself to work beyond what my body says it can do? It’s as if I have this false image of me that I can never attain, whereas seeing who I am, accepting the body I have, and appreciating every single thing about me, will help me to feel that not only am I enough, I am already everything, I just need to give myself permission to (a) appreciate and (b) express it.
Gorgeous Carmel, and Kathryn! There must be something in the air for many of us around busting the perfection myth – a few days ago I booked in for a workshop on perfectionism and how it holds us back. I’m looking forward to understanding more about this crazy desire to be flawless. How and when did it start and why? And who do we feel we’re letting down if we’re less than perfect?
Well said Victoria- we do seem to be in a society that is falsely striving to be flawless.
Ditto Carmel – you have expressed so well my thoughts and questions to self.
I appreciate your comment Carmel, I also am so familiar with that feeling in the body and the drive is exhausting, the point is, by simply appreciating who I am I can express more of that inner beauty that longs to shine. If I don’t do it , who will or who am I waiting for to do it?
Carmel, you certainly speak to me here and I’m sue to many others. That voice that says ‘come on’ you need to ‘do more’, ‘you’re not enough’ etc is also the voice of perfection… wow, what a set-up we can create for ourselves. In seeing it though we actually see that it is a set-up, a game we have played for aeons which, from our now awareness, we can now stop playing ball with.
Whole-heartedly agree with you Katerina and Carmel, that insidious voice of ‘perfection’ which says “‘come on’ you need to ‘do more’, ‘you’re not enough’ ” becomes the driving force for all that we do. It keeps us on edge, in nervous energy, and so all we produce thenceforth carries that same unease instead of the richness of who we are. Perfection cannot even begin to know the stupendous-ness we come from and can be aligned to.
Carmel this is so very true. The false image seems to push us to perform.
But why so when we are all-ready everything?
Giving ourselves permission to express and appreciate our Divinity is key.
Absolutely Kathryn, there is great dishonesty in living this way, as it can never be our natural expression but a calculated performance.
Carmel, gorgeous comment. There is such a seriousness to perfection alongside the pressure. So called “mistakes” can be such fun, and there is incredible joy in learning and uncovering new things about ourselves and life, yet perfection very effectively puts a lid on this natural joyous process and the sense of adventure as we find our way in life. Perfection is a real dampener on the joy of discovery.
‘Perfection is a real dampener on the joy of discovery.’ Thank you Carmel and Melinda for exposing the joylessness of chasing perfection and how it smothers the joy of the adventure of life.
I love this Carmel and can so, so relate! I have many times wanted to use the excuse that someone is breathing down my neck telling me I must be doing ‘xyz’ but if I’m totally honest, most of the push behind this comes from ‘me’ and me not wanting to take full responsibility for my choices that had me saying ‘yes’ in the first instance! I love how you bring this back to acceptance and appreciation – something that is a great reminder for me.
Kathryn – your blog is gold! I have had a strong relationship with perfection all my life which has created lots of self worth issues, not to mention exhaustion. As I have come to understand that imperfection is natural and healthy, I am learning to sit back and let things go when I have made mistakes, simply seeing them as consequences of choices I made. While it is an ongoing process, I can notice that the more I am able to do this, the more I can feel the tension leave my body and space is created for a more harmonious rhythm.
You’re right. Perfectionism is an imposition – but it’s a self-inflicted predicament, heartily embraced as a route to what we erroneousy believe will bring us acceptance, recognition and ultimately love. It’s most definitely an incarceration, taking us further away from the true freedom that comes from knowing our own inner self worth.
Beautifully expressed Rachel. Wanting to be perfect is simply wanting to be in control. There is no need for control when we trust our own knowing and live by that.
And on top of that, control makes us hard and angry and judgmental, especially when something does not go the way we wanted it. How freeing it is to trust our inner knowing and let things unfold which may then surprise us in a pleasant way.
Kathryn, this is a great blog, I have used perfectionism as a prison to keep myself held back, controlled, wound up like a tight spring, not allowing myself to receive the joy in my life.
Love all you have shared here Kathryn, thank you. Releasing ourselves from the self imprisonment of needing to be perfect, allows ourselves to be – exactly perfectly who we are with all our imperfections.
Thank you for expressing so beautifully Liane in your comment. I am find it absolutely mind blowing that everything is so perfectly placed for each of us to learn; that lessons particularly designed for us individually also cater for the particular individual lessons of all others that meet at that juncture. Different angles and lessons perfect for each to learn from!
This gives one such appreciation of time, space and the spherical nature of our existence.
So it can never be about perfection it can only be about whether or not we are open to learning.
It would be wise for me to stick this thread of comment on my fridge, as I am still grasping the concept that the universe is divinely set up like this!! I so quick to fall back into being a victim of circumstances and feeling overwhelmed, like my life is running me. This is a huge package that if I am honest..it is going to take time to understand it and live it in full.
Yes I agree Lyndy what you have so beautifully expressed here “There is such grace in this if we do not take circumstances personally but observe it as an outplaying of energies that have been set in motion”.
I never would have said I was a perfectionist but just lately the subject is coming up a lot and I am starting to see that there is something there to look at, like I hate making mistakes and find it hard to let it go – this in itself is abusive. This is a great subject, thanks Kathryn.
You have found wonderful words to describe the trap of perfection and the natural agility of imperfection. One is a one-way road the other is the way. I am wondering, if what we suspect as perfect is in truth trying to imitate the glory of imperfection and divineness on a misguided way?
Gorgeous set of comments and really we can say that since we are here to learn and discard and in living increase our awareness then our imperfections, mistakes and oopsies are actually absolutely perfect as they bring to light what we have not yet given enough practice too.
true Alex and so is “there” as the place that we need to get to. It will never be in reach as we adjust what there is along the way and so there is always something outside of us to strive for and to hold against ourselves as not being ‘it’. It is such a trick as we are already ‘it’ and it is the striving that keeps us from it.
I can so relate to your blog Kathryn although I never consciously sought perfection. It was just about not being allowed to make mistakes, as any mistake would only confirm my unworthiness of love. I lived in fear of people ‘finding me out’ to not be so loving, helpful flexible etc. Now I now that it is not that I was not all these things but that deep down I realized none of this came from being truly myself. It all had an ulterior motive of needing to be accepted and liked. Just recently I got to feel all of me without the constrictions of perfectionism and boy was it awesome to feel the lightness, the playfulness, the love and ease of simply being me.
That’s a great description, Kathryn, I feel I am imperfectly perfect too. It’s impossible and unrealistic to aim for perfection but it is very liberating to be ourselves accepting our imperfections.
I so love your blog, after reading it yesterday I can feel it really stayed with me. Today I love being imperfectly perfect. I am with myself, fully relaxed in that, and I just made a mistake at work and normally I would go into this story of thoughts and now I just said, oh yes, that was me, I made a mistake and called my colleague, explained it, took away the confusion I created and we had a big laugh. So simple and so wonderful, and I still feel great. I am letting go of the need to do everything good and right and embracing that I am a student of life and learning every day.
A brilliant blog, Kathryn, exposing how striving for perfection goes against the nature of Divinity – which is in constant evolution. Every moment is perfect in its imperfection, there’s always more to come.
Completely true Mary. And what a brilliant idea to have something so essential as learning to honour yourself before all others become part of a school curriculum… and not as a virtue or something that good people do but as the scientific fact that it is.
I know this will be the case one day in our not too distant future but it is something we could all do with a good dose of right now in education.
Love your comment Rachel particularly this. . .”we are it ALL already and that we are simply unpacking what is inside of us that we haven’t used in so long” This knocks striving to be perfect on the head and brings us back to the appreciation of who we already are and what we have to bring.
Me too Lucia. This is one to read again several times. What Kathryn said rang so true: ‘I no longer choose to be a perfectionist. I am unwinding the tightly bound beliefs of this imposition. I am slipping out of the corset and straitjacket of glamour and unhinging the ‘love blocking’ suit of armour. I have removed the facade and taken off the mask. Every day I feel more light and lovely – I am now enjoying appreciating myself without the need to be perfect.’ I feel lighter already!
For me my relationship with perfection has always led to misery. Because perfection can never be achieved in this world, the constant criticism and focus on every flaw is a huge weight like you write – a big, humourless, restrictive armour! It’s no fun when we spend our time focusing on everything that is supposedly flawed in life. I have experienced and found such freedom in myself and others by expressing imperfection – a knowing that we are learning and will forever do so feels lighter than trying to find a box, a ‘picture perfect’ way of life and cram ourselves into it and stay there.
Kathryn your blog has touched me profoundly. I resonate with your analogy of how being a perfectionist ‘felt like wearing a suit of armour and having tightly bound feet, restrictive and joyless’, especially the tightly bound feet. Thank you for bringing this from the shadows and into the light.
You totally nailed it Harry – ‘My expression of me is perfect when I’m not trying to be perfect. When I have an idea about how something needs to be…’ then it becomes about perfection and striving for perfection is an imperfection because perfection can never be in truth!
Its all about acceptance really, If we are trying to be perfect we are not accepting who we are.
The striving to be perfect, to bring perfection into doing is a lot of pressure to be under and it cripples spontaneity, being adventurers, it is very controlling. Just thinking about it I feel such restriction……..yet being more accepting of oneself as we are, allows us to accept imperfection and that it is natural to be imperfect. Kathryn this is a wonderful and needed blog to raise how perfection is actually an imperfection because it is restrictive!
Kathryn, I don’t know where to start with this amazing, amazing blog, there’s so much in it … maybe with: “… perhaps being perfect is just a concept we have hung onto … ”
I so appreciate being presented with the (consciousness-breaking) notion that perfection might be just a concept – how freeing is that?! That actually the true person is just fine as they are and the apparent ups and downs of life are not imperfections, they are our teacher and guide, they are ‘perfect’ for us.
I will be revisiting this blog several times to keep exploring, thank you for writing it 🙂
The concept of perfection doesn’t exist in nature. Who ever would define the perfect tree, or the perfect whale? And so striving as a human to perfection seems like pure arrogance.
Kathryn thankyou for joining some dots for me: “Being a perfectionist felt like I had no sense of humour”. I’m going to observe myself more deeply and feel for what is actually going on when I’m aware that I don’t feel like I have a sense of humour. At moments I have even used the term “I’m having a sense of humour by-pass” which means that what ever is going on I’m taking things quite seriously. Now I’m going to ponder the need for perfectionism behind the seriousness.
What a gorgeous blog Kathryn, I get the sense of a huge waterfall cascading down my living room wall; it’s perfect because that’s just the way it is.
The need to be perfect was compounded by the shame of never achieving it – it was always unattainable and so I felt wrong and rotten to the bone and never wanted anyone ever to discover this and so I kept up the facade of being perfect and kept people out, until I received support from Serge Benhayon and did a Women In Livingness Workshop/s with Natalie Benhayon, not it is a work in progress but not something I am unaware of and therefore cannot be overtaken by.
Great article Kathryn, how many of us suffer from this illness? That is what I call the notion of being perfect – a sickness, insidious by its nature. It undermines all that we truly are and keeps us locked away from expressing and enjoying all that is naturally there within us. And it gets worse because if we are unable to connect, appreciate and simply be ourselves how can we be comfortable, connected or intimate with another, as you have so beautifully expressed here – “In many ways trying to be perfect has prevented me from truly connecting with others”.
It doesn’t make sense to pursue perfection to protect ourselves from the possibility of not measuring up, not being enough for the world, because in every step we take in that pursuit, we are telling ourselves that we are not good enough and thus hurting ourselves. And round and round the merry-go-round we go, searching for perfection, and if we ever do achieve, is anyone around to see it? No? Oh well, let’s go round again. What strikes me as another crazy thing is that in being perfect we think we have achieved a moment that is ‘free’ of imperfection, but in that moment we are in the darkest prison, yet we are fooled by the chains made of gold.
Well expressed Jinya. We often choose golden chains in this illusion, rather than the open door of the cage to just be who we are and spread our wings. The strive for perfection is such a trick. We think we are making ourselves better but just hurt ourselves in this endless chase.
That’s exactly it Alison. Whilst we are all chasing our tails trying to be perfect for everyone else, we are separate from one another and that is why for so many of the human race, true brotherhood is nothing more than a mirage. Perfection, being the highest level of good, is the darkest and cleverest game to be played by, for we are nothing but pawns and puppets, exhausting ourselves in doing the bidding of an invisible master.
Brilliant blog, thank you Kathryn. This ideal of perfectionism has run through my life and still does if I let it. It is so inhibiting and stopping of any true flow and aliveness. It cages us and stops us from spreading our wings. However I sometimes feel that something is perfect because it feels so true and in that sense it is perfect – it is in harmony and there is joy – an enlightening moment.
Trying to uphold your perfectionism in group work is an unachievable task. Hence perfectionism isolates us from others and this is not how humanity is meant to work so there is no room for perfectionism if we are to come together as one united.
Kathryn this is a really profound blog. I love how you clarify how perfectionism is a redundant illusion since it is an end goal we can never attain as life is lived in circles and cycles, and we can only go deeper as we go round given there is no linear end. Giving ourselves permission to let go of the idea of being the best or better but embrace ourselves in full, including our imperfections, is liberating. I know there is still work to do for me on this, but you have inspired me with your words. Thank you.
Awesome Kathryn, how clearly you present perfection. The perfection I had always aimed for is in fact a cap BECAUSE it is a finite, it has an imagined end. That ideal will never be reached and nor should it be, because the very nature of evolution is continual change and unfolding – never arriving at the final point (that is total illusion) – but always moving with the tiniest and grandest cycles on offer from the universe.
Yes Rosanna the illusion of arriving at the final point seems to take us out and further away from who we are which is grander than anything we could imagine. I can feel the control and arrogance in striving for perfection. Like trying to control the ocean. 🙂
I love your blog Kathryn. Perfection is poisonous and subjective. What one sees as perfection may not be for another. There is another version that is, well . . . perfect, and that is the joy of the ‘what is’.
One of the things I realized when I was reading your blog is that I have this pressure of being perfect in relationships, and I suffer so much when someone reacts or is not happy with my words, actions, expressions, and I get this feeling that everything is broken and it is the end. It is not perfect.
Very recently I have started to allow for imperfections in relationships, disagreements. So then changes of moods and harsh words do not mean it is the end. Accepting people and myself with our flaws and personalities and hurts is so much more flexible and allows for so much more in relationships. We can just go back to love and fun so easily.
I too have been owned by the ‘perfection’ illusion and often still find myself walking into this trap.
Something I have discovered though, since making a choice to lift the veil on the perfection illusion is how beautiful imperfection is. Imperfection is real, imperfection is a willingness to say yes to what’s next, even if we are at risk of making mistakes or even failing.
Imperfection is embracing truth. You can’t fully say yes to truth if you have a need to be perfect, because truth, whatever that turns out to be, means committing to and being prepared to see what IS and what IS NOT in full with no attachment to the outcome or the way you’ll be perceived in the reflection of truth.
‘imperfection is a willingness to say yes to what’s next’ I love this Kate and can feel the expansiveness in your words. It feels like true freedom and trusting in the Divine plan.
I have used the idea of perfection as the ‘perfect’ excuse – it being impossible to be perfect as a get out of jail free card so to speak, as means to settle for less, to be less, be worth less and to even to do less. All of which could also be turned upon myself as ‘proof’ of my fallibility further cementing my “imperfection”.
Today I live with far far less judgement of myself and others and find that I express more, do more and certainly don’t settle for less. All of which add up to a largely glorious me – without perfection …
As a read what you have shared Helen I can feel the struggle that goes with perfection, something I know very well. As I accept more of who I am, the needing perfection falls away and life becomes much less of the struggle and much more joyful.
As a bit of a perfectionist myself, I loved reading your blog, I had never made the connection between imperfection and cycles – how being imperfect actually allows room for evolution, for change, where as perfection is a tightly bound, restrictive state.
I love this Kathryn. I definitely still strive for perfection – particularly with my body; although I’m working on figuring out what my true figure is, in my eyes my body is so far from ‘perfect’ that when I’m told I should accept and appreciate my body sometimes I’m like ‘have you seen me?’. Pretty horrendous I know, but because I have such a deeply engrained ideal of ‘my perfect body’, anything less than that is ‘ugly’ to me… It is something I’m working on, but your blog is really supportive to read. This I love – ‘Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing.’ Thank you for sharing!
What is so gorgeous with Kathryn’s article is that she has embraced all those imperfections because she has felt deep inside the real glory of being a woman. Susie your comment reminds me so much of when I was a teenager struggling to comes to terms with how my body was and looked, and that it did not match the ‘perfect figure’ picture I had in my head. I held myself to ransom with that ideal for over 20 years never feeling truly sexy or attractive, but now when I look at photos of myself then, I see a gorgeous young woman unable to accept who she was. There is so much more to us than our dress size and the more we embrace our stillness, delicacy and rich love, the more our body will express all we are.
I like what you have brought here Adam, the control and fortress of not being wrong by being ‘perfect’. Being open about flaws, mistakes etc requires a willingness to be vulnerable, to sit in the unknowing of what will come next that requires a body that feels great just being itself! I am learning to trust that more and be open and it feels amazing.
Perfectionism not only imprisons ourselves, it has a huge impact on those around us. The expectations of perfectionism we place on ourselves we also place on others, so not only are we never good enough, but no-one else is either. In this state there is no possibility of appreciation of ourselves or others, which is a pretty sad and extremely abusive place to live from. As someone who has both been a ‘perfectionist’ and been on the receiving end of perfectionism, I can truly say it is absolutely crushing and completely love-less.
Kathryn I love your writing on perfection as it simply makes sense of so much of the world and how it is set up to keep us all striving for this, when really it is something that does not exist. I love your sharing that, as we are constantly evolving to go deeper and be more love, perfection cannot ever be reached. It is definitely part of the illusion of the world we all keep alive by trying to live when really we hold ourselves back in the chains and shackles of this instead of simply being ourselves from the inside out which is beautiful always without any trying. Thank you.
It is not uncommon to hear someone say – he is the perfect dad, perfect mum or perfect son. I have wondered what that means? Two completely different parents may comment that their child is ‘perfect’. Does that mean that ‘perfection’ is in the eye of the beholder? Does it mean there is judgement attached to this belief according to who is making the comment. I always wanted to be seen to be the perfect daughter and the criteria was made up of being polite always, smiling, good, quiet and always anticipating others needs. What if behaving this way drives someone else crazy and thus perfection in this case would be seen as something other than perfection. For me the whole idea of ‘Perfection’ is fraught with minefields and is determined or weighted against changing rules and expectations. Give me imperfection any day, as then I am guaranteed truth, acceptance, true appreciation and love. Great blog Kathryn – actually imperfectly perfect 🙂
I love what you have said here ch1956. ” For me the whole idea of ‘Perfection’ is fraught with minefields and is determined or weighted against changing rules and expectations” and as you also question “does that mean perfection is in the eye of the beholder? So in both cases perfection cannot be achieved, and so we can only ever be imperfectly perfect or is that perfectly imperfect??
I love this article. I was a perfectionist most of my life and always striving ‘to get there’. I have dropped that a lot however this article has shown me how I still have elements of that going on. I particularly loved reading “Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment”. That allowed me to see the rigidity and the lack of flow that comes in those moments that I try to be perfect in an area. Thank you Kathryn.
Wow Oliver, imagine a time where we forget the word perfect and hence forget to strive for perfectionism? What would that look like, would we be freer to be ourselves, would we be okay with the mistakes that we make knowing their purpose was to show us where our next point of evolution was, oh but wait that future is already here, there are already many living this way. Thank you to each and everyone of you.
Wow so powerful Kathryn. Feeling your freedom from letting go of perfectionism is deeply inspiring. Can you please write something on Appreciation? I would love to read it.
Lets all write something on appreciation, how powerful would that be.
rachelmamclaren, yes perfection seem like a trick to me now. The finite end means in some way we have arrived, but then that prohibits further growth. It does not make sense when you really think about it. This blog and all the comments have been great for me to read, for I too get caught up in trying to be perfect, and it does make me unnecessarily serious at times. What a wonderful relief to let go of that idea, relax a bit and be more playful with life.
This is brilliant exposé of the harmfulness of attempting to be perfect.
“I no longer choose to be a perfectionist. I am unwinding the tightly bound beliefs of this imposition. I am slipping out of the corset and straitjacket of glamour and unhinging the ‘love blocking’ suit of armour. I have removed the facade and taken off the mask. Every day I feel more light and lovely – I am now enjoying appreciating myself without the need to be perfect.” This is truly gorgeous.
Your blog reveals how restricting imperfection is Kathryn. I love the way you describe how life is a series of cycles where we can continuously evolve and expand to a deeper level.
Perfection has a child which dominates our life just as much as its parent: being right. The two of them throttle our expression and attempts to ensure that others conform to our beliefs and need to control life’s grandeur. It is a futile effort that will always end in disappointment, for the grandness of who we are is twice as grand because we are imperfect, and because we have the capacity to learn from our mistakes and therefore expand. The seeking of perfection is to attempt to keep ourselves from being able to be more than who we think we are. Who we truly are is far more than our minds can possibly conceive.
I never thought of it this way Naren.. embracing our imperfection lets us learn from our mistakes and therefore grow and “expand” into the “grandness of who we are”, whereas perfection keeps us from knowing this grandness – it keeps us in the bounds of our minds, not allowing us to explore that we are more than who we think we are.
Good call Naren. The need to ‘be right’ is a horrible thing, and can have as deep a hold on us as the need to be perfect. Actually the need to be anything other than who we are is totally unnecessary.
I love this comment Naren, thank you. In holding on to the idea that we mustn’t fall down, trip up or boo-boo because that then makes us ‘less’ because we’ve slipped up from being perfect, we cut ourselves off from true evolution. We dismiss our own unfolding to forever expand as you say and be more and more of the grandness within us which is simply waiting to come out.
Naren I love this point you have shared ‘The seeking of perfection is to attempt to keep ourselves from being able to be more than who we think we are’.
Who we are is beyond our wildest dreams and trusting in this is paramount to evolving.
Naren the child of perfection is being right and that’s for sure. 🙂 🙂
And they both stifle our expression and prevent us from ever feeling the expansiveness of who we truly are.
Hi Naren, I can really relate to this. I remember being in primary school and the stress of getting it right, doing things right, and if I could not, there was a feeling that I didn’t exist in the schoolroom and was not therefore worthy of attention or being connected to. It’s a lot of pressure to put on children this focus on getting it right and doing everything perfectly, without actually caring about the little person inside.
Oooh great point Naren. Being right is a very poor alternative to being true. The small mind strives to be right or be perfect all as part of proving oneself as an individual. Being true requires us only to be at one with everyone and the all – so simple but not so easy to surrender the mind to.
A beautiful blog to read on a topic that has got it my way as well. When you share “I have been lost in the illusion that ‘I am only worthy of love if I am perfect’. This simply is not true.” its certainly something I relate to yet as you’ve also shared the beauty in imperfection and the true freedom of evolution this brings.
The pursuit of perfectionism: frustration, exhaustion, disappointment. We don’t need it.
Yes kehinde2012… next time I bash myself for being imperfect (which I can do a lot), I’ll see the straight-jacket Kathryn describes, keeping me all bound in something I’m not. Off it goes!!
Kathryn, this is so true ‘Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing.’ Imperfection, is quirky, fun and true, perfection feels ridged and lacking in fluidity.
I agree Emily it is so super freeing letting go of the need to be perfect and present a perfect picture.
Thank for sharing Kathryn, I was too held tightly in the grip of perfection and trying to please everyone and look the part in everything I did – it was exhausting! It was not until I met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that I saw that life is not about being perfect rather it is about learning, re-learning how to be more loving with ourselves and others and so when you are a student learning you are going to make mistakes and that is the beauty of them they allow us to grow otherwise we stay ‘static’ exactly where we are and not returning back to the love we all naturally are from.
Beautiful James, because perfection always feels like it’s taking me somewhere I hadn’t realised it was actually keeping me static. Perfectly said, thank you.
Wow Kathryn, this is so gorgeous to read, ‘Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust’, I can feel my body relax reading this and I feel a sense that I am enough as I am, it stops all the striving and trying to be something/someone and leaves no room for self criticism.
Just in that sentence the false ideal reveals itself – perfectionism is rigid and can never flow, which is without question what life and the universe do daily.
That is another show stopper Lucy. This ideal I have that there is an end goal, and it will be perfect (end showreel 1). As I take down a few of the ideals it does allow a freedom that was hitherto unavailable – free to be me.. a gorgeous, tender man who cares for and loves life and people in all its and my imperfection.
AND: The idea of perfection is also an idea of separation. We are designed to work together, to build jointly something more then just put the pieces together. Everyone has to bring their piece – which is beautiful described in the blog of Kathie Johnson “From ‘Don’t be a Nuisance’ to Claiming Myself – an Ongoing Journey”. So to strive perfection is – beside that is will never work – leaving us separated and alone.
As you said Kathryn, Perfection is the idea of an end. The idea/the concept of someday we will be ready, finished. End. But their is no end – just evolving. It is going on and on. So ‘changing’ is the way to go – with no end.
It is interesting isn’t it, that there is something divine, immutable, perfect inside of us that we cannot tarnish, yet we live in a body and a world which is forever changing – which has decay and destruction which leads to new life and growth. We have to let go of the outer perfection to allow that stronger connection to our innermost.
“Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect.” I love this sentence Kathryn – thanks for a gorgeous post. I see nature as being perfectly imperfect – yet ‘imperfect’ flowers and trees are still beautiful. The sense of relief on reading this and understanding that we too can also be imperfectly perfect takes away the striving and struggle.
The thing I feel the most from the restriction of having to be perfect, is that we are not open to the next point of evolution – so lets fling the door wide open, expose ourselves warts and all and see what the universe has been cooking up in preparation!
Being a perfectionist in the past myself I can attest to how freeing it is to let that go. No goal to achieve, no constant strive nor drive – just the joy about and beauty of forever evolving. However, it´s not so easy to let go the perfectionism – I tried it for years without any remarkable changes. Only when I came to Universal Medicine and started to heal the old hurts within me that I tried to protect with my perfectionism I could begin to let it go. Now – without the perfectionism – my life is much more effortless and joyful and like you I enjoy the little imperfections – also those within me and in other people. 🙂
“It was like the Geisha, living a life of controlled gestures, highly skilled and pleasing others” – it was this reference to pleasing others… being nice and super competent that is my achilles heel, that really hit home. There are times when the comfortable status quo needs to be challenged, or even die a little death so that something new, something with more capacity for love in this every expanding universe of ours can evolve. I find those initial steps challenging as they inevitably burst the previous ideal of perfection, but once a step is taken it quickly becomes obvious that the new path offers more than could possibly have been imagined in the old way.
Yes Simon ‘status quo needs to be challenged, or even die a little death so that something new, something with more capacity for love in this every expanding universe of ours can evolve’ I fully agree and the striving for perfection does not allow for this.
Perfectionism is the entrance ticket to a land of forever busyness. I guess that’s the reason why it sells so well in a world where everything is geared towards trying to not feel.
I love this, Felixschumacher and can so relate to the ‘land of forever busyness’.
What a simple, amazing blog, Kathryn. Perfectionism is so rife in our world and this blog could well be the first nail in its coffin! For me personally, and in my work in the lifestyle/stress prevention area, I have found that trying to always be perfect is one of the biggest causes of stress. The pressure this brings on oneself and on one’s relationships is immense. I love your claim that you are an extraordinarily beautiful woman just being yourself, and that there is no room for perfection in that. “Imperfectly perfect” is such a great way of describing that -so playful…
Oliver, that is well said, “If we don’t know who we are, it’s such a fall back position – to aim for what we think we should be.” By knowing who we are and being content with this, perfection and striving is not needed. We can accept our imperfections gracefully knowing all the while the beauty and grace of our true essence.
This is a blog which I could very much relate to as years ago I used to pride myself on being a perfectionist. It was a tag and label, something by which I could be recognised by. I too have discovered how imprisoning that belief was and whilst I allow myself now to do what I do with as much of me as I can muster at the time, I allow myself imperfection, which is absolutely perfect.
Thank you Kathryn, I could feel this was a very empowering article as the shackles of perfectionism were removed.
Yes and made me stop to really look at ‘perfection’ and what it is really about!
Perfection – perfecting perfectionism – that was how I was living and allowing that persistent drive to sap me of energy trying to not make mistakes – just too much pressure. As you share ‘driven by an external force of never feeling enough’ Allowing ourselves to unfold with our own natural rhythms has a flow and gentleness that speaks volumes. A beautiful sharing with us all Kathryn thank you.
Yes Marion, perfectionism is a disease that takes us completely out of our natural rhythm, and puts our bodies under a huge pressure that we are not designed to live with.
So many little gems in this blog Kathryn, I had to come back and re-read. And yes, don’t we have to be ‘unravelled’ and exposed in all our unloving choices so that we have much more space to feel ‘truth’, the truth of knowing that as human beings we can never be perfect for we are always growing and changing just like the seasons and nature.
This is great Kathryn, I have been trying (and sometimes still fall for it) to be perfect but it feels like a constant drain and it separates me from myself and also from others, it makes me so tight in my skin I can hardly breath. It can never be more than trying because we are not perfect, only perfect just the way we are with all our imperfections. ‘Imperfection is real, fresh, sexy and alive in its fullness and is ever-changing.’ Never a dull moment with being who we are.
“I no longer choose to be a perfectionist. I am unwinding the tightly bound beliefs of this imposition.” I love this Kathryn, I can relate entirely to this self imposed prison you discuss. I have found that there is no room or space in a life of perfectionism, not only did I imprison myself but those around me too.
Yes, that’s an important point Jenny. Perfection does not only imprison us, but also those around us who are harmed by our expectations, beliefs and tensions of how we and they ‘should’ be. It’s an ultimate form of control.
Lucy, I am tempted to endlessly comment on this blog also as I completely agree with how relevant and life changing this subject is. I am so much better and not driving myself for perfection but if I am honest I still feel the judgment creep in at times and it is defiantly poison when I do. Love you enthusiasm and look forward to reading more comments of yours on this blog.
What an awesome expose’ on Perfection, you did it perfectly!! Kidding but seriously great subject to bust open I have feeling you are going to see heaps of comment from me on this blog, the seed of your blog Kathryn is opening up in to such interesting conversations thank you so much for sharing this with us all.
Love it Sarah. The layers of perfect in across all realms of life bind us (me) so tightly. It is such an import topic to pull apart.
That’s very honest Floris and a great exposure of how your perfectionism was actually preventing you from feeling your hurts, and secondly taking on this role to please everyone…. and clearly shows how this ideal of perfectionism is so confining and restricting and keeps us from truly moving forward in our lives.
Thats gold Liane, that is what I did not appreciate when I was so stuck on making sure I ‘took care’ of everything and everyone. In that tight control I was messing with peoples evolution, not to mention my own from all that drive. Thank you for your words they are always a blessing.
Great point Sarah, I can so relate to the control of ‘taking care’ of everything and everyone and can now see the damage it is to all, including myself.
Great point sarahraynebaldwin – it can so easy for us to get stuck in “control” and “drive” mode. From the outer, it may look “good and nice” and like everything is in order. But on the inside, there is this deep emptiness because we not allowing ourselves to just be us and others to be themselves. Thank you for your sharing – I find your words a blessing too.
That line also stood out to me Hannah and the warmth and depth of this blog is truly touching.
Well expressed Sara.
Well said Kathryn. There is a freedom in letting go of the need to match up to our perceived idea of being perfect. It sounds to me that you have found a perfect way to be where you say “Every day I feel more light and lovely – I am now enjoying appreciating myself without the need to be perfect.
In fact, I feel the true beauty within me that is strong, still, powerful and forever evolving. I now know who I am. I am an extraordinarily beautiful Woman just being myself, and there is no room for perfection in that. I am worthy of the deep love that flows from within me and is expressed out to the world every single day. I celebrate this love and appreciate all that I am without perfection.”
Sounds like you have really claimed yourself in the beauty of who you are Kathryn. Its such a great thing to have an understanding of, that life is all about cycles and that we are not expected to be perfect, but to carry on and forever evolve back to where we truly come from.
Kathryn, I could feel a great freedom in reading this and accepting that ‘perfection’ is not evolution. In fact, perfection retards us from evolving, because we stubbornly hold onto things looking and being a certain way, and lack the openness to deepen, develop and expand ongoingly. ‘Perfection’ is the perfect trap to remain separate from the greater cycles of the Universe and the divine flow of perfection they hold in order for us to evolve.
Kathryn Fortuna, it is interesting to ponder on the true meaning of the word perfect and if it is achievable for us in the temporal world we live in. I do agree with you that it feels that perfection is a concept that if we take that in our live as a purpose we will be predestined to fail because there is no perfection to be achieved, we can always do better. So is trying to be perfect an illusion we have fallen for to keep ourselves not enough? I love the transformation you have made and that you now go for the imperfection, the true you that lives and sparkles the joy of life in all its facets.
This is true Rosie. Blogs like these are a massive support and do expose the falseness and traps we can fall for. I am in full appreciation of those who write and share their evolving with a blog or through comments.
“Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect.” Your blog feels so light and free Kathryn, I love how you have deconstructed our ideals about perfection and how they keep us small. Thank you.
This is true Rachel and the thing is that everyone in their own mind has a different idea of perfection. This is a fight against oneself indeed.
An amazingly gorgeous blog Kathryn. Thank you. I especially love the last paragraph where you have summed it up beautifully, ‘Imperfection allows growth and unfoldment, movement and magic in every moment. It has its own Divine order and greater plan, in which I now trust. I am imperfectly perfect.’
I have also shared this experience Sonja, and from the other end it is so refreshing to see a woman (or anyone for that matter) being real and willing to reveal their flaws.
Yes, it takes away the pressures oneself may have built up and in the same way the other person feels loved and accepted. And in most cases it raises a smile on their face.
absolutely perfect as we are katechorley, when you describe us as you have.
Thanks Kathryn, I’ve really pondered on this word ‘perfection’ and how I have related to it. I wondered who ever came up with the word or concept that there was a thing called ‘perfection’…… Is it possible that it is another one of those insidious things planted in our human existence, our human mind, to have us feeling small and insignificant……. . The word ‘perfect’ always reminded me of God, like God was perfect and I could never ever reach that state….I was never going to be like God. Perhaps I got that through religious influence as I was growing up…. not sure but highly likely. Funnily enough I never believed in being perfect, perhaps because there was a part of me that already knew that God was not only outside of me but within me as well. I knew this instinctively and so I never made it about being perfect. But I certainly made it about being small. Who ever wanted me to think I was ‘small’. Not God, I’m sure of that. Whatever’s the opposite of God I suppose…the existence of evil? The face of evil will not want me to know I am the face of God here on earth. If God can be considered any where near perfect then we already have that within us also as we hold the spark of God within, we just need to ignite the flame again.
Perfectly said Alex, we are all students of the livingness, to the absolute best of our ability!
For me one of the most isolating feelings in trying to achieve perfection. You can never achieve perfection so you are always trying and living up to a certain way of being which is unnatural and un-normal. The ideas that you have in your head that you try and strive to, gained from the media, social groups etc are all imperfect and the only perfection comes from being yourself. I love the line where you share about evolution and how our marker is always changing so therefore there is no perfection just constant adjustment in how we are with ourselves… always coming from our inside impulses from our inner heart first.. never our heads.
“Striving for perfection is demanding, exhausting and all consuming: driven by an external force of never feeling enough and always keeping it together.”
I don’t believe I ever thought I could reach perfection as a human being however this didn’t stop me from feeling all the time that I needed to be ‘better’ and so there was always a feeling of ‘striving’ needed because I wasn’t good enough as I was. That was exhausting! I’m still learning not to focus on or look for an outcome but just be present and myself in each moment, task, situation as that is all that is required. This doesn’t tire me and I am ready for the next moment, task, situation.
I can agree with your sharing Kathryn, especially that seeking perfection can stop our growth. If we all wait to be perfect at something or in some way nothing would change. I know I have judged myself in this way and held back my growth in many ways. Great sharing thank you.
Absolutely Kathryn. Striving for perfection is full of protection. I know when I have done this, I miss all the magical moments that are around and all the opportunities to really connect with others.
What you have shared here Kathryn is gorgeous and deeply exposing in that it leads us to question how easily we can get hooked into the idea of perfection, never feeling good enough, always waiting for that perfect moment, perfect person, perfect job etc. How this keeps us deeply separated because we are looking outside of ourselves rather than knowing that the only perfection is that divineness that each of us has inside of ourselves which is perfect and which is whole. When we focus on the completeness that each of us is from inside we can begin to let go of seeking the outer perfection.
This blog found me this morning and it is so perfectly timed. I am embracing the beauty and vulnerability of my own imperfection and it is so sweetly liberating. Perfection has run my life for many years and now it is time to peel off the armour and let go in this forever evolving life. Thank you Kathryn.
Kelly this is very beautiful – ‘ I am embracing the beauty and vulnerability of my own imperfection and it is so sweetly liberating.’ Makes me consider how perfection is a very controlling way of being to ensure we are not vulnerable, yet there is such beauty in the vulnerability of imperfection, an opening for growth, a newness of something, a moment of expansion….it’s like spring!