About 4 years ago when I was living in London I was preparing to return home to Australia for Christmas. I decided before I travelled that I would get a new haircut so that I could feel good about myself for the trip. However, what was a routine haircut fast turned into a nightmare when a rather young and inexperienced hairdresser went against my wishes and clumsily chopped off way too much hair. I was devastated, and I’m not ashamed to say that I cried.
Having grown up within a hairdressing family I had come to more clearly understand the side of the hairdresser in these types of situations and had never before found myself in the position of the dissatisfied customer.
Previously, when I had heard of similar nightmare haircuts from friends I had thought to myself that hair is just hair and that it’s no big deal if too much is cut off as it will grow back. But in that moment when I looked in the mirror at my lopped locks, it very much felt like a big deal. It felt like I had been violated somehow. I did not want to let it go and I most definitely was not ready to move on!
What I have come to realise since, as I have processed this traumatic experience, is how much investment, as a woman, I had placed on my looks and how that determined both how I felt about myself and how I interacted with others. I felt like my world had ended, but not because my hair was too short, but because I felt that in losing the length I, in some way, had been robbed of my femininity and my expression of it. As a result, my self-esteem and self-worth took a tremendous blow.
I didn’t realise at the time, but in an attempt to not truly acknowledge what was being presented here for me to feel into and heal, I covered up the hurt I felt by making a conscious commitment to grow my hair as long as I possibly could.
Because the decision to grow my hair was coming from a place of reaction to the deep hurt I felt of me not claiming my true and unwavering femininity in full, growing my hair was then loaded with an unconscious ideal that long hair meant I was feminine, protected, and in control of my expression as a woman.
During the following years, I barely cut my hair at all, choosing instead to get a trim only once a year to keep it looking somewhat healthy. I was happy with how it looked and I felt a sense of pride and satisfaction as it grew longer and longer. Friends and colleagues at work began to remark on how lovely it looked and how long it had gotten and I started to feel a deeper sense of femininity and self-worth the longer it grew.
I was so wrapped up in the identification of growing it – however, I started to feel an uneasy sense of being identified by my hair. Wasn’t there more to feeling my sense of self worth than through the act of growing my hair long?
Interestingly, after a series of life changing shifts began to occur in the way that I see myself and my relationships through the support and encouragement of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine practitioners, it came as a complete surprise to me when I began to have daydreams about cutting my hair off short.
I know that I can be quite impulsive sometimes so I kept thinking that the feelings would pass, but they didn’t, so I started researching new hair styles and looking at the latest trends and they all seemed to be shorter, much shorter, than my long hair. After sharing around a picture of my ideal hairstyle to my partner, girlfriends and family and receiving an unanimous thumbs up, I decided that the time was right for me to have my hair cut again.
I made an appointment with the hairdresser and when it came time to cut my hair, I was astonished that a similar set of circumstances to the time in London quickly unfolded. Despite discussing the plan for the haircut explicitly, I once again was left feeling as though my hair had been cut way too short and all of the old feelings came flooding back.
I felt that once again my femininity and expression as a woman had been compromised. I was devastated – way more devastated than the previous time it had occurred. However, this time I felt that I had much more support and many more tools to help me feel into the real issue trying to get my attention.
I had to come to terms with the fact that it wasn’t about the hair, although it was tough to not fall victim to that way of thinking when aesthetically, I wasn’t happy with the look. When I really took the time to feel deeply into what was coming up for me to look at, yet again, I realised I was making my expression as a woman, my styling, hair and make-up and how I am perceived as a result of that outward expression, the source of my true value.
Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.
Feeling into this nugget of truth was incredible and an amazing thing to nominate and let go of. It is truly astonishing how opportunities like this present themselves, then present again until we are ready to go there. I missed the opportunity to feel more into this the first time in London, but by nature of the cyclical world that we live in, I was given another chance at going there.
I now have been able to see these haircuts for the truly amazing blessings that they are and how they have been a bridge to build a deeper relationship with myself and claim my beauty and amazingness as a woman from within first. I’m not totally unattached to the outer just yet, but I have made some amazing inroads and my awareness will help me continue down the path.
There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.
Inspired by the work of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon.
By Megan Cairney, Brisbane
Further reading:
Bad Hair Cut, Bad Hair Day, Bed-Hair – Bad Me?
Is True Beauty Really In The Eye of The Beholder?
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
I also understand how we have a picture of how it needs to look like. The image is within our minds, fed through along the way, and along comes another with their image within their own minds too. So when the two images are placed together and don’t match, we end up with the experience of devastation.
Those images is what gets us into trouble as they have an expectation. But at the end of the day, if we let go of those images, not expecting it to be certain way, then what would life look like? Probably very much different, as it would be lived from how we feel in ourselves rather than be dictated by an image…
The greatest gift we can give ourselves is to know the beauty within first and foremost. In our current world this is not what we are taught and in fact we are told the opposite and hence we can easily lose the connection to our inner beauty and worth. Megan’s blog is a reminder but also a great way for each of us to feel how much of our power do we give away to superficial practices of ‘making ourselves beautiful’, rather than knowing the true worth within.
Henrietta that is true, beauty is within first. It is very distressing to see how people do whatever it takes to change their physical appearances, whether it be botox, or longer eye lashes, the list is endless. But that doesn’t suddenly appear in our lives, it is there from a very young age, we observe it all around us. We just need an upbringing that we are more than this world, then our children will live with the purity of who they truly are.
Hair, clothes and makeup etc can be a beautiful way to confirm the beauty that we hold within as women. And as mentioned by Megan, there is not substitute for the inner beauty we hold.
Thank you Megan for sharing this experience with such detail – I and I am sure, many other women have also experienced a similar thing and to be able to understand this deeper is a blessing as it offers us an opportunity for healing. Not that we should all go out and get ‘bad’ haircuts, but more so allowing ourselves to reflect on how much we may rely on the outer rather than the inner to feel the sacredness of the women that we are.
I have recently had a few days where my hair looked really limp and not like it normally does. To be honest, I let myself get as flat as my hair! We are really set up to fail when we tie how we feel to how we look, and it often takes a day where we don’t look good, or receive a bad haircut, to highlight the shaky ground we have built our sense of self worth on. What I noticed is that when I did Sacred Movement I began emanating my inner beauty, and everything about me, my skin, face and hair was then part of that beauty and felt gorgeous, it’s truly a case of energy first.
What I am learning is that an image comes after the energy. We may think something is because of what we outwardly perceive and experience, but it has already happened energetically.
Fumiyo that is a great comment, I had not fully considered that the images I receive as thoughts to be felt an energy first, I get a basic feeling of how the image is (blissful, etc) but I haven’t really broken it down fully in the way you described – thank you. The fact it’s a visual can distract away from the energy of what it is.
It is interesting that our hair has been described as our ‘crowning glory’ when in fact the glory is the Divine energy that enters the body through the crown.
Thank you Megan, a beautiful reminder that there is a blessing, as in a learning and a healing within every so called tragedy.
Yes, there is always a learning, and from that there can be a blessing.
This is huge Megan and would be for a lot of women and probably men in how do we outsource our worth. And what does this truly mean for us ‘outsourcing our worth’. It could be by way of looks, gender, status, role and not in fact first and deeply appreciating ourselves for who we are not what we do or look like. Also it is interesting in if we do not at first get to the root of something and truly heal this something similar will happen until we do.
It is inspiring how you have learnt from this and more importantly what you have learnt. I can really relate to this ‘I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.’ On basing myself as a woman in by how I looked. What I saw just the other day was how I do not appreciate my sensitivity, I, as all other women hold innate qualities within yet currently do not allow myself to connect, appreciate and deepen with these qualities as much as I can.
We can spend so much time focusing on the outer, in the hope it will make us feel better about ourselves but we spend far less time nurturing and developing the inner. No one looks more beautiful than when they emanate joy.
Absolutely Rachel…. a woman expressing joy feels and looks beautiful and any predisposed beliefs we have about what beauty should or should not look like just fly out the window…they do not exist anymore.
I can relate to bad haircuts, having had a few in my life, and what always amazes me is how much emphasis I have put on my outer appearance when I am totally gorgeous and amazing no matter how my hair looks.
We can’t escape from anything, only when we stop and feel and learn from a situation we move on from the same thing being repeated over and over.
We can learn and heal from a situation, ‘I now have been able to see these haircuts for the truly amazing blessings that they are and how they have been a bridge to build a deeper relationship with myself and claim my beauty and amazingness as a woman from within first.’
Leaving aside its natural beauty and all the wonderful things we associate with hair, through it, we learn to hold on into this life and this plane of life too.
There’s lots going on when we go to a hairdresser, I reckon. After all, we are entrusting a part of our body with another with a sharp object in hand, there is a relationship being built and a communication being had, and we as a customer expect to be understood and have our wish delivered, we are putting ourselves in a rather vulnerable position. Life is amazingly full of opportunities for healing.
Having that connection with the hairdresser is important. Because the energy they are in goes into our hair. I remember once a hairdresser working on my hair but having a full moan and rant about something else to the side and it reflected in how my hair was brushed and cut, it wasn’t fun. Likewise when I connect and engage with my hairdresser, not just idle hairdresser chitchat, my hair feels lovely afterwards.
We are all so much more than just what we look like.
Well said Suse – there is a Kingdom that lies within and many depths for us to explore in terms of our Soul.
I know I heavily invested in my outer appearance for many years, in more recent years I have spent more time investing and embracing my inner qualities and interestingly all my outer qualities then reflect the beauty and wisdom felt from within.
Bad haircuts are difficult to deal with as we have to live with them until it grows out – they can be a source of shame and embarrassment but also teach us a lot, about our identification with our looks first and foremost.
This blog has supported me to look at an area of my life that needed attention, understanding and healing. I asked the question what is this block or this obstacle showing me because it’s still there and does not appear to be moving. I was persistent and the answer came, which now I am busy re-imprinting. We really do have all the answers from within, but we do have to be willing to go there and feel it to release it. Awareness is priceless.
I had huge investment on my looks and image, which just meant I was not connected with my body and my inner package – the innate qualities of stillness, elegance and gracefulness as all women hold within.
When we identify ourselves by our physical characteristics to feel feminine we totally underestimate how much our innate qualities and integrity can be felt, appreciated and built upon.
This is an amazing blog Megan, thankyou for sharing your experiences with your hair and the valuable lesson it taught you… and the reminder of how much we are loved, in that the lesson will keeping coming back round until we get it!
We will get the lesson when we choose to heal and be aware of what truly is going on, ‘There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.’
Thank you Megan, this is really an amazing story because of how the opportunities continually presented for you to get free of the beliefs and ideals you held of femininity relating to hair. There is such a huge consciousness around all facets of appearance and body image and connecting that to being a female, when our true femaleness is already there in our innermost essence.
“There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face” We are offered the opportunity to look at why we may be reacting to any problem or obstacle we face.
In any traumatic experience, for a trauma to become a trauma, we have to say yes to it. Otherwise, we cannot file it in the trauma file.
I can relate to that feeling of dread when you realise your hair has not be styled as you would like. I remember it well from as young as being a teenager. Perhaps the dread is in knowing that the responsibility has been passed onto another, in the wish they make us beautiful, but we chose the salon, and the hairdresser, and on top of that our beauty is always there, regardless of our hair.
True Heather, ‘our beauty is always there, regardless of our hair.’
I feel like I am in ‘obstacle hell’ at the moment, so to read this – “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur” – feels like a timely invitation to allow myself to feel and trust, and know that this is here for me to heal, thank you.
I have been feeling kinda the same Sarah, feeling some blocks on my path…and didn’t know why. Having sat with this, I could feel how much this part of my life needing healing. Still working it through, but it is definitely shifting, slowly but surely, so those amazing changes are just on my corner!
We certainly can feel so caught up in obstacles one moment and then with the change in perspective, they are suddenly not obstables anymore. But when caught in that former perspective, life is difficult and awful to experience. I too have learned that the change in perspective is all about a change in energy, but despite knowing this I too still get caught in feeling like life is complicated and difficult…and yet when the clarity comes, within a moment life is full of opportunities and possibilities to embrace and live.
I have found it is always important to read and get to the truth of what is really presenting, ‘I had much more support and many more tools to help me feel into the real issue trying to get my attention’.
It’s a great blog. We invest a lot into our hair and the style it provides us. You can look at someone and from their hair understand what look they are after or what their seeking in attention from another. As Megan as pointed to , and what I have claimed, the more care and nurturing you provide yourself this emanation is what is seen first not your hairstyle.
Also how this is for not just women but also men too.
Yes, what we don’t deal with and heal comes around again, I have just had another reminder of this – and its bigger the next time round, ‘ but by nature of the cyclical world that we live in, I was given another chance at going there.’
I can remember many hairdressing appointments like you have described Megan and on one or two occasions actually crying at the door before I walked into my home. What was so funny though, I can laugh now, is that I would after a day or two end up really liking it! But more to the point, my upset first was from believing that my looks determined who I was as a woman. Now through connecting to who I am and the qualities that I bring, it doesn’t matter how my hair looks or what I am wearing I look absolutely gorgeous.
We do live in cycles so it is very true Megan that when we don’t learn from the first time something comes around, we most certainly will have the situation arise again and again until we get it!!
I am sure there are many people who would have felt devastated by what happened at the hairdressers, but what a great understanding you came to, ‘is how much investment, as a woman, I had placed on my looks and how that determined both how I felt about myself and how I interacted with others.’
Megan I have had similar issues with hairdressers doing their own thing with my hair and I too have cried at the end result. Its so interesting how we attach our self worth to a particular aspect or feature. I have noticed how things like bad haircuts tend to happen over and over again until we learn the lesson they present.
Although how we look from the outside to me is still important, but more importantly is to feel the beauty from within as that is the source from whatever will present itself on the outer.
2 days ago I went from my natural brunette state to a rose gold colour – to all intents and purposes a blonde, which I had been curious to try. My hairdresser was amazed at how calm I was about such a radical shift – she was more anxious about it then me! I told her yes, while there definitely was a difference to get used to, I still felt like me on the inside. This response has indicated to me that I have come a long way in terms of building an inner sense of self that transcended the external change.
What we identify with can be very strong. I know when my hair is too thick or too short that I feel uncomfortable, there is an element of self critique yet as Megan alludes to our experience is reflecting a message back to us about how we value ourselves. A trip to the hairdresser for me can range in experiences from uncomfortable to joyous, and it is all a reflection of my own level of self value.
I love the cyclical nature of healing, where a self-limiting belief re-occurs until we get the learning. This happens on a daily basis too. We often observe ourselves repeating unloving patterns and continue to do so until we’re given the understanding needed to release them for good.
It is interesting to read that it is all about our own perception of events in life o how we feel about hem. Perceptions that are biased by our beliefs, hurts an old patterns we hang on to until we heal those hurts and let go of the beliefs and patterns, we are free again to feel and read for what life in truth is presenting to us and to my experience it is always a blessing.
Fascinating to see how we can think we have changed and resolved the issue but when the situation presents itself again and the pictures still don’t add up the truth of the matter is exposed. Life ultimately keeps coming back to truth, or at least presenting many countless opportunities to let go of that which is not true in the first place. It truly is a blessing to realise the fact that life is there to support us in this way.
Sure Joshua, and in that I would say that life is a continuous blessing as it presents opportunities all the time for us to grow and evolve and in that if we choose so, to become more of ourselves in every step we take.
I totally agree Megan that every situation is an offering to expand and deepen, but OMG I would have been the same as you, which has me feeling into what I lean on in order to feel like a woman, instead of going deeper to the essence of what a woman truly is. These many things on the outer are there to enhance our inner beauty and strength not be the be all and end all of what a woman is. Great Blog Megan, it has brought up much to ponder on.
There have been many times in my life when i can see that i have used a new hair cut or style to try to reinvent myself and deliver me from my personal,emotional struggles. Every time its been a beautiful lesson in feeling that nothing has truly changed, I have felt exposed for naively convincing myself that a new hair cut/style would equal a new me! Universal Medicine has supported me to be more understanding with myself, to ask for support with our personal struggles is what changes the way we feel about ourselves, taking greater responsibility for our choices is what truly supports.
This is gold Megan ‘claim my beauty and amazingness as a woman from within first,’ such an important reminder to deeply appreciate and accept all the beautiful qualities women carry within first and the powerful reflection we offer other women when we chose to not hold back and shine in this way.
Recently I had my hair coloured and it turned a shocking pink which was too shocking for me to carry I felt, and indeed what I could not yet accept is that I am to “shock” many with love and I wanted to not own up to this truth. I tried to make a fuss out of all this, to distract myself of what was obvious in this reflection. I wanted to make it about hair, but it was really the relationship I have with myself, to simply accept more of myself and to remain clear in appreciating my worth. It is never about the hair (and definitely never about other people), and maybe one day I will wear shocking pink or maybe not. But in the meantime, I am enjoying the process; the reflections and awareness from these every day experiences rock.
I love your playful and open approach to life Adele.
I agree Megan when we face every obstacle as an opportunity and a learning we are able to change our lives in many ways, and if for any reason we miss the learning another opportunity will present itself to us.
Wow. This makes me really appreciate how we are so loved. Everything that happens in life, the struggles and upsets and all – it’s all here to remind us one thing: that we are love.
I love that life presents us repeatedly with something we need to address until such time as we embrace the lesson within. Your hair cuts were indeed a blessing in exposing that it is not the outer package that makes us a woman.
This was interesting for me to read as on reflection I can see in the past how I have based a lot of who I am by how I look especially with hair so that when I had not so great hair days (which there were many) I allowed this to cloud the girl/women I truly was. Making this me instead of my essence. So it is a blessing that you had finally been able to see this in order to change it ‘Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears’
“….how much investment, as a woman, I had placed on my looks and how that determined both how I felt about myself and how I interacted with others.” So many of us (women especially) have been brought up to believe how we look on the outside is what is important. But, as the amazing book ‘i am beautiful for being me’ by Tanya Curtis and Desiree Delaloye shows, beauty is more than skin deep.
We are so much more than our hair, the size of our nose or the shape of our body. But all too often get tricked into thinking that we are identified and defined by our physical characteristics when we aren’t.
“There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face” nothing is random or happens for no reason, but likewise the reason for what happens to us in life is not because we are bad or have done wrong necessarily – something I have and do still go into at times. Seeing life from the perspective that there is something to heal, that greater love lays underneath should we choose to feel it, is a game changer.
Great sharing Megan, showing us that there is gold to found in every situation if we can get over our reactions and look deeper.
Indeed Kathleen looking beyond our reactions and being open to feeling what is there to be healed, is hugely supported by self acceptance and understanding.
Outsourcing our worth is so debilitating, recently I have been exposing another layer of this in my work. Needing my colleagues to recognise me as doing a great job and invested in doing it better than others gets in the way of meeting my client’s needs and just getting on with the job. When I let go of self my days flow so much more smoothly because I don’t judge any outcomes as being a reflection of my worth. I have always had an issue with providing case studies that feel like self promotion but what I am recognising is that I still have this tape going on in my head even if I am not overtly expressing it.
It is amazing when we can view obstacles in our lives as blessings and are open to learning whatever is there to be exposed. For me it has transformed my relationship with myself and others since I have stopped taking the victim stance in so many different parts of my life and become more honest about what is really going on when apparently random acts occur.
It is so true Megan that in general we as woman invest so much effort in to how we look, through which we then measure our self-worth. Our society is based on this, on measuring up to the ever-changing images of the world outside ourselves through the fashion industry, I certainly did for some time until I re-discovered that through our connection to who we are within our immeasurable natural beauty shines effortlessly.
I gave my dog a pretty dodgy home done hair cut once and I watched him afterwards strutting his stuff like nothing had changed. He was equally as awesome before he had the dodgy cut – it made no difference. Now I know he is a dog but the message was clear to me…don’t let the outer affect the inner.
I have been equally devastated by hair cuts so can really relate to what you share here Megan and am also inspired by what you write and share with us all. So much of who we think we are is tied up in the outer as we don’t usually take the time to honour and appreciate the inner.
A beautiful exposure and realisation from a haircut that our essence as a woman and who we are comes from within us.
Letting go of pictures we hold about ourselves and the way we have to look is so liberating and healing as it allows our true beauty to shine through.
So true Francisco, how we look or even freeing ourselves to certain behaviours is liberating. And it can have the smallest of starts by simply asking ourselves about our reactions, being open to understanding why we feel the way we do.
I agree Francisco. The more I appreciate myself for the qualities I have, the less fixated I am on my outer appearance. Even though I still want to look nice, I’m taking care of the inner me first.
I cannot but realise when we ‘outsource our worth’, it means we are totally dependent on others to build us up which in turn depreciates our true innate value – great blog Meagan.
It’s funny how we judge ourselves harshly and think that because of a bad hair day or bad haircut we think that our ‘femininity and expression as a woman’ has being compromised when in fact we are all so much more than that one mere aspect of us.
We women are so much more than what we look like on the outside….
It’s interesting to me that the way we look doesn’t matter so much to the people who are dear to us and they are the ones who have to see us more than we do. These minute details matter to us so much more and it is clearly worth examining why we are so attached to this idea of how we look. I know I do this and recently something lifted and I realised that I was feeling much more detached from this image and way more solid within.
It’s so true that things keep coming round again and again until we get whatever is being offered. With awareness of this fact we have a choice to care for ourselves and our wellbeing and our future as these present themselves or put it off till the next time.
True beauty and felinity comes from the inside out and not from the outside in as you so clearly nominate in you blog Megan. And only when we can appreciate this in full, the healing of our past experiences can be taken in full as we have identified ourselves with false images, images that where given to us because we where in doubt of who we truly were.
Great to revisit my journey of my hair cuts through your story Megan. I can so relate. I have found that when I am valuing myself, with confidence and connection, I am happy with how my hair frames me. But when I am not I feel my hair highlights the agitation or lack of me.
So true Megan, as women we place far too much emphasis on our outer appearance. I know if I am not feeling so great one day I notice I will apply more make-up or spend more time on my hair and what I will wear. Really this doesn’t change anything when we focus on the outer, learning to appreciate and accept myself has been an absolute game changer for me and the more we claim and live this the more we feel the true beauty that forever resides within us all.
‘There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face’. A truly great one-liner with universal application. Here in this blog, your own experience around the precarious nature of haircuts provides an opportunity for all women to appreciate that true self-worth and identity as a woman come from our relationship with how we are within.
Thank you Megan for sharing so honestly your story, and the realisation that the outer is not what really defines you. “Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.” how beautiful, claiming your beauty as a woman, from within.
I love that you used these experiences to learn how you were hinging your worth on your hair and to deeply connect to the amazing woman that you are.
When we externalise our worth we give this power to the world. This is the same world that we despair over as being in such chaos. How diminished are we when this happens? In total turmoil, pushed around as in a storm. Hair is very significant for women, and our ability to express how we feel about ourselves is intensely magnified in our relationship with the hairdresser. However, it is a brilliant opportunity to learn exactly how we are with the world and how much we hide behind how we present ourselves.
This is such an honest and beautiful sharing Megan, your choice to expose your investment in your hair and self worth and begin to heal this is very inspiring to read. This line really stood our for me and is a great reminder ‘There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.’
“There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.”I absolutely agree with what you’ve shared here Megan. Thank you for the reminder to give myself the space and grace to feel what is being presented when an “obstacle” appears in my life.
I find the process of getting a haircut is a great reflection of my relationship with myself and people around me. How connected I am to myself reflects on my ability to communicate clearly what I would like to look like on the outside, and how confident I feel about showing that to the world.
I absolutely agree nicolesjardin a haircut is a brilliant reflection of the settlement within ourselves and as you say how we communicate this outwardly.
Megan I love the way you saw the cyclical nature of the issue re-surfacing, inviting you to look more deeply into what was really at play. As a younger person I recall how important outer appearances were to my sense of self-worth; now I realise that the self-worth shines from within, and if I’m not feeling it, then nothing looks quite right anyway.
How wonderful life gives us constant opportunities to feel ourselves and our true nature and not once or twice but as much as we need to come back to our true value which is inside us. Last time I came home from the hairdresser not satisfied with the way she had cut my hair. Afterwards I realised I did not make it very clear to her how I wanted it and that this was something I had done lots of time to set myself up to blame the hairdresser and to go next time to another hairdresser. So I have had lots of hairdresser. This time I have chosen to go back the next day and told her exactly how I wanted it and I felt so much lighter and empowered by changing this pattern.
‘When I really took the time to feel deeply into what was coming up for me to look at, yet again, I realised I was making my expression as a woman, my styling, hair and make-up and how I am perceived as a result of that outward expression, the source of my true value.’ Every magazine is trying to let us believe this and we all have grown up with certain ideals and beliefs about our looks.
The hair is a big one for many women, when it come to how we look. A visit to the hairdresser often brings up comments regarding the hair being too thick, too thin, too straight, too curly etc and depending on how the hair is dictates how we are. They all carries meaning and the only way to put a ‘stop’ to the controlling and undermining thoughts are to challenge them and be willing as you have done Megan, to go deeper and expose what is really going on. Feeling deeper does bring a much lighter sense of ‘Being’ and a truthful celebration of who we really are (weighted down by the heavy locks or not).
“There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.” This is so true Megan seeing life incidences as a blessing and a learning and an opportunity to heal patterns that we continually repeat, is incredibly powerful and something to enjoy and embrace, however uncomfortable it may seem at the time.
“I had been outsourcing my worth!” This expression resonates with me Meagan. It is amazing how much power we give away by being so attached to the exterior. There is true beauty in the cyclical nature of our being, that a lesson missed is always offered again for us to learn from.
I love that a seemingly ‘bad haircut’ provides by way of opportunity the choice to look deeper again, revealingly who is actually there beneath the image, and that it is that reflection that when allowed, shines through all and any outer appearance.
Well said Megan, absolutely when we are prepared to go there, the wealth of wisdom available to us through our connecting and listening to what our body shares with us, is a treasure to truly nurture.
It is great to have the understanding that those problems that keep repeating themselves have a purpose. A purpose to take a closer look at why they are recurring and for us to learn and make different choices.
So true Mary, that with each time we choose to look at what is beneath an initial reaction or uncomfortable feeling induced, we are taking the opportunity to uncover the truth awaiting us within each experience. Ever deepening the connection to our innate Wisdom.
“It is truly astonishing how opportunities like this present themselves, then present again until we are ready to go there.” This I was observing my whole life – situations are coming back as long as I started to look deeper. So I learned that it is my choice to “listen” what the world presented me or to ignore it. And also if I chose not to listen the first time the second time is a bit clearer or shall I say more confronting . . .
“There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.” This is so true Megan. Reading your blog I couldn’t help but feel how deeply cherished we are and how God in his absolute love and commitment never ceases to communicate with us and never gives up on us. If we don’t ‘get it’ or we ignore his messages he persists until we do, ever offering opportunities for deeper love and connection.
It’s very inspiring to read how you were able to turn a difficult moment to a one of healing and evolution.
I like that life cycles will always bring forward an other opportunity to learn about our hurts and heal them. If I think hard enough I will probably come up with many examples in my own life.
Most of the times I go a have my hair cut, I have a good feeling about it. This has not always be the case though. I recall two occasions when this was not the case. In both of them, I gave my power away. In one case, the damage was massive. I had almost not hair anymore. It was not pleasant to observe how damaging was the giving the power away (of course, I could always blame on the hairdresser). For a week or so, I avoided being seeing as much as possible. The question is why? In the past I would have answered because I looked ugly. Now I would answer differently. With more or less hair, nicer or not, it is me anyway, it all my loveliness anyway. Yet, it is a reflection of how much I did not hold myself in love. The mirror and other people’s eyes was only a confirmation of the lack of self worth this incident exposed big time.
I will hang on to, and be inspired by, your words here Megan after quite a disastrous hair cut last week.
“There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur”
I will look out for the amazing changes and the opportunity to expand, despite the hair!
I will hang on to, and be inspired by, your words here Megan after quite a disastrous hair cut last week.
“There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur”
I will look out for the amazing changes and the opportunity the expand, despite the hair!
I concur with whats been said Shirl, unpleasant situations or occurances offer great opportunities for greater awareness and growth
It is so true how we become identified with how we look, the perfect role models – actors, celebrities, musicians, etc. are showing us all that how we look is everything. Fortunately, as you have exposed Megan, there is something more to understand about the value we place on how we look. It took honesty and responsibility to understand the short haircut didn’t make you less, good thing is though, another short haircut would have come along if you didn’t get it!
An amazing presentation of an example of how we always have a choice to react to a situation presented and continue unabated in life by laying blame on another, or to react but then take responsibility for our role and use the opportunity to truly understand our reaction and the underlying reasons holding us back – for it always comes back to our own choices.
There is so much gold in this blog that it will be one I return to and read often. Brilliant Megan. Thank you for the honesty written here. It made me wonder whether I too had very long and what I found to be annoying hair for many years as a way of feeling feminine as this was something not truly felt within my body. I loved how you shared, ‘growing my hair was then loaded with an unconscious ideal that long hair meant I was feminine, protected, and in control of my expression as a woman.’ You clearly expose the trap many women go into to feel their femininity. Being connected to our femaleness and sacredness is a feeling that comes from within and isn’t laced with any ideals and beliefs and your blog beautifully articulates this.
There is a lot to learn each moment, in each cycle and to see how it comes back around each time is a blessing, as we get given the opportunity to heal and re-imprint our choices even with something so seeming trivial as a haircut can offer such a realisation about ourselves that can bring us back to connect to the true beauty within.
Agree Yasmin, we are constantly “given the opportunity to heal and re-imprint our choices” in every moment. If we are consciously present with everything we do and think, then every moment becomes an opportunity for healing as we continue to refine our choices and deepen the love that impulses our choices and thus ‘amazing changes’ continually occur.
Thank you for sharing and showing that what appears as a disaster is an opportunity to grow. If we grasp it, as you have Megan, it is so empowering and we evolve. “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.”
This is a great blog Megan, and one that I can also really relate too. I have had haircuts that have left me feeling distraught because the hairdresser has not done as I had asked. In recent years though I have come to understand that how we are within ourselves is key to how we ask someone to cut our hair, or anything else for that matter. I now have the experience of knowing that when I am super clear about what I want, I come out of the hairdressers with a gorgeous hair cut and feel amazing, but that my hair is simply a reflection of how I am on that day, and not a reflection of my inner beauty. We put so much emphasis on the outer, but as others have already shared, it is how we feel about ourselves inside that is the most important thing.
I love the learning you have shared. It brings so much understanding to the crazy stuff I see happening in the world. Like people getting addicted to plastic surgery, now I can see they may not actually be addicted to plastic surgery rather they keep finding a dissatisfaction in their appearance because they have become so focused on their outer appearance they have forgotten their inner self. So they keep driving themselves to reach an unattainable goal.
As women, we can go into such comparison about our hair, looking at others and feeling dissatisfied with our own. These days it is possible to have extensions to short hair, varying colour and different designs , and lots of people experiment with this throughout their lives. Is it for a change and a bit of fun, or is there a dissatisfaction underlying that we need to make ourselves feel better with a re-invention? I have always been very conservative with my hair and critisised myself as unadventurous and know it was because I didn’t want to draw attention to myself when I was younger. But maybe there’s also an acceptance there, that my hair is what it is. I know there is something more to ponder because I do feel different after a hair cut.
I have just recently been to a new hairdresser and she cut my hair really very short, way shorter than what I had requested. I remembered this blog and realised I had the choice to just let it go, know that my hair will grow, that my hair is just that and not a reflection of my inner being, who I really am. So thank you!
Yes the same applied to me too Raegan, but I had my hair thinned too much. The ‘disaster’ i experienced with my hair not looking/falling right turned out (in time ha ha) to provide an opportunity and space for me to appreciate the voluminousness of my hair as opposed to keeping this at bay…rather like my expression (!)
It is very interesting how just a simple hair cut can change the self worth you have of yourself and how we can pride ourselves on hair, as a boy thing we also have this hair thing where we sometimes base our moods on how our hair looks and how it feels.
I really enjoyed re reading the blog this morning and I know I have wished I could have long hair – it simply does not suit my face but in the past I really envied those who had long flowing locks! I can really understand how the outer becomes a focus instead of knowing our connection to within allows a shining of that tenderness to be seen by all regardless of our outer look. ‘There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face’ This sentence if we truly consider it is powerful and healing in itself because it asks us to look and feel what we are being asked to let go of rather than stay in the reaction to a situation.
“There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face”. Like you Jy36, I also found this sentence powerful and healing. If we see everything that comes to us in life as being energy first and we accept that we are responsible for everything that comes to us, then everything that comes to us is a learning to either repeat and deepen that which is from Love, or to discard that which is not from Love. Either way, the learning is always there on offer.
So true Megan, what seems to be an obstacle blocking our path, often will turn out as a support to stop and look if we are still on track and adjust the direction we are walking, if necessary.
‘Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth!’ What an amazing sentence! It made me realise just how much the world asks us to do this – to follow fashion in how we look, dress, have our hair, what size and shape our body is. What a set up to try and take us away from connecting to just how tender, feminine, gentle and lovely we already are on the inside!
A lovely sharing with us Megan – this morning I woke up with ‘bed hair’ but instead of indulging in an old pattern of ‘what will others think’ I feel more inspired by what this new day will bring.
After reading your blog Megan, I can feel now how in the past I had held onto an ideal of a beautiful woman being one who had long flowing hair, and I had not been so attracted to shorter haired women. What I realize now is that I had been excluding opportunities to connect with and accept anyone regardless of their external appearances. This came to a head (pun intended) when my wife cut her long hair very short and I had to deal with my silly ideals directly (like one of those opportunities to heal that you mentioned in your blog, Megan). With the help of Universal Medicine practitioners over the years, I have been able to connect more deeply with the true love that I feel for not only my wife, but everyone I interact with, regardless of their outer appearances. I can see more clearly the light and beauty inside them before I even really notice their physical traits.
Thank you for being so honest Michael, I know you are not the only man out there to hold onto such ideals. One of my previous partners didn’t talk to me for a week after I cut my long hair short. At the time I couldn’t understand it, but I have come to realise how much comfort we have tied up with our outer appearance, so when that changes we are left exposed…either as the individual or sometimes even for the lover, family or friend, etc.
I have never heard of a female version of Samson from the bible, but I have now and a modern day one at that! If our strength is held in our outer appearance, how easily it is taken away from us! Every time we look in a mirror and feel a twinge of disappointment or desire to be different, it is showing us we are not truly connected to our beautiful essence within us. Great Megan that you have recognised such indicators as a blessing.
Thank you Megan, this is an amazing blog. I certainly remember having what I thought were bad hair dos and feeling like it was the end of the world! How beautiful it is for us now to know how beautiful we are inside and it no longer feels like it is the end of the world when our hair isn’t quite how we’d like it to be!
“There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur” Megan this is great – your reflection about unpacking “outsourcing of self worth” is so healing for both the great experiences and not so great experiences. I find connection with others and mutual respect shifts volumes of ‘stuff’ – when not connected to self – I can become just an empty vessel – with a bad haircut!
Contrary to many of the stories of haircuts gone wrong, I have experienced haircuts by a hairdresser who cuts with such precision, care and connection that I walk away feeling much lighter, as though in cutting off the hair, I was also letting go of other stuff – thoughts held in the in head and other mental distractions. I also had a great haircut to boot because she was very connected with herself and to me.
What a great blog, and pertinent topic for our times. Many people will relate to it I have no doubt, myself included. Our obsession with image and how we look has been one of the many aspects of us that has caused a festering in comparison and self worth issues. Despite what may be thought, our appearance is not what defines us. As Serge Benhayon has presented, and can be felt in the hearts of all people, what defines us is our choices and the quality of being that results from our choices.
Wow Reagan I can certainly relate to what you have shared here how we get so caught up with externalizing our self worth and value by our exterior when within us we hold such beauty when we truly connect and begin to understand the rich quality of femaleness our true femininity and quality of our self worth, fills us up from the inside out then we could never be compromised by how we look.
How lovely that you had a second opportunity to receive the message these haircuts were offering you. To look at you as the woman internally not how the woman looks on the outside.
Loved reading your article Megan. The cyclical nature of things is continually reinventing similar situations until we are ready to take a deeper look at ourselves and the lessons that are presented for us to learn and heal from, what a true blessing, and how beautifully are we always held and supported through life!
I love the term “outsourcing my worth”; it really hits the nail on the head and describes how readily we can subscribe to the notion that our worth is dependent on how we look, what we do and all the myriad of things that are seemingly there to identify us back in some way, from the outside in rather than the other way around.
I am loving this phrase as well, Gabriele – it is so punchy and says it all really for me. I have invested many years in “outsourcing my worth” but can now feel that how I am in my innermost is what is reflected to the world and the clothes and hair are extensions of my expression and not the source.
I really like it as you have shared here Megan how every day life situations such as going to the hair dresser can be a place of learning for us to heal and evolve. That there is meaning to everything. It is certainly very cool to realize that, and life feels so much more with depth in how you have explained it.
Long hair. I could certainly relate to what you have expressed here Megan about growing it as an reaction. I thought growing my hair long would automatically mean being feminine, so as wearing long skirts or high heels in other periods in my life. But none of that made me more feminine, none of that actually reflected the deep and absolute naturalness I know and have as a woman. What opened me to this natural part of myself was actually my expression, when I made a choice to not hold back what I already know as a woman.
“…when I made a choice to not hold back what I already know as a woman.” This is gold. Looking out for role models, inspiration and ideas of how to look and be, when deep inside we know it and have it all already. It is a mad world we have created when we seek outside for anything which, in truth, falls way short of what we already have within!
I have had both long and short hair. In my early 30’s I cut my below shoulder length hair to 1/4 of an inch long and wore it like that for 19 years. I really enjoyed wearing my hair that short, it was quite a statement at the time that I first cut it as very few women, (unless buddhists, gay or undergoing chemotherapy) had their hair really short. It gave me a sense of feeling strong, which I needed at that time in my life, but I can now see it also hardened my appearance. About 18 months ago I chose to grow my hair back, at first I grew it to shoulder length, and then on my hairdresser’s suggestion I allowed him to cut it shorter, without any directions from me, I just allowed him to do what he felt would suit me and I love the end result. I did not grow my hair to make me look more like a woman or to regain my femininity. Rather it was a celebration of my femininity and growing sense of myself as a woman that came first, and as I became more gentle and tender it naturally followed that my appearance would also, it was just the most natural next step in expressing that gentle tender woman that I am. I have no doubt that I could return to my very short hair or I could grow it half way down my back as I wore it in my younger days and it would make little difference to how I feel, as it is my sense of myself that carries me and shines through not the length or style of my hair.
I have always had long or very short hair phases throughout my life too Rosemary, and been very aware of how it was the ‘image’ I was going for, or the feeling I thought was freedom to be me. Now, in my older age, my hair is no longer the texture or thickness that it was, and I have learned that it is not how it looks that matters, it is how I feel from the inside about myself. So now it is very short, appropriate for its condition, and also for me, as it actually suits me, and I don’t think that is ‘by chance’, it is because I felt what was true for me with no attachment to how others would react.
Yes 1heart1earth1love agree. Just as body shape, size or clothes dictate not beauty, neither does hair length. What we feel within and how embracing we are of our natural expression is reflected in the way we style, cut or colour our hair, and it’s the way we do this, with the held love of ourselves (no picture or ideal) is what is truly feminine, sexy and completely gorgeous.
I find myself in the same mindset as you and Megan – long hair being a sign of femininity and that it makes you beautiful and exotic. I always used to get thoroughly frustrated that all my friends and I used to have the same length hair, but now their’s are SO much longer than mine due to growth speed and that some just haven’t had in cut in around a year! What I’m realising is that hair does not have a ‘one size fits all’ style; we have to find what works right for us and feel confident with it.
Indeed Adele, as soon as we work towards an image of what we feel a woman should look like, heels, lip stick, long skirts etc we have set ourselves up for a fall. Sacred Movement is a modality bought through by Natalie Benhayon, since attending these sessions I have felt more deeply connected to my expression as a woman.
Having your hair cut shorter than you would have wanted Megan, and at that moment felt it was done against your wishes as if you were somehow violated, that can certainly be understood. I have had many experiences in the past when going into a salon having a picture in my head, feeling the hair dresser must be able to read my mind, and coming out with a totally different hair style than I was hoping for—and it felt hurtful when communication between people does not seem to get across—I had an investment of connection between people, something which I know but have not lived. I have not responsibly expressed how I wanted my hair to be, and instead held back communication expecting the other person to magically “get it”, and when the result was not what I expected, I held them responsible for “how can you not see this would not be something I like?”, but what I was really saying was “how can you not see me?” But have I really seen myself as I am, and expressed that?
Men too can have an investment in a woman’s looks. The media encourage us to fall in love with a romantic notion of a partner rather than a true connection with the real man or woman that’s there before us. Then it’s easy to fall into self-doubt and make yourself less instead of claiming the woman you are no matter what.
I Love what you share here Megan, so profound.
“Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.” Beautifully expressed and I absolutely agree when you say “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.”
There is indeed meaning and blessings to all obstacles and I have found that the more an event stands out in my life by any reaction I have in my body, the more there is to explore. I used to run away from this but now I have a willingness to jump in and see and feel what is truly there.
“the more an event stands out in my life by any reaction I have in my body, the more there is to explore.” This part stopped me in my tracks just then. We have a choice in every moment to respond or react – the greater the reaction is there to offset the greater response that we can choose to make instead. And as Megan shared these events and what is there to feel keep coming back to us, we don’t escape them so we might as well respond to them. Thank you.
This resonates deeply in me Johanna, as we are much more than our outer appearance.
“Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.”
This is a great sentence ( or rather so much more than a sentence). Something seemingly so trivial as a haircut that can offer is such a realisation about ourselves. Incredible. And the learning and awareness offered to us by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is remarkable.
Wouldn’t it be great if the quality, or rather the essence of a person is seen first, instead of basing impression and opinion on visual appearance. This may sound quite like utopia, but it is possible when we ourselves start to connect and live with the true beauty that lies within us.
You have brought up a great point here on feeling the essence of a person rather than focussing on their outer appearance. What is awesome is when you meet people whose outer appearance is a celebration of their connection to their essence. Now that really makes a difference! They match and the harmony in this is a joy to feel.
“Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth!” What a massive realisation you share here Megan. I can totally relate to looking outside of myself for who I was but in the end it all came up empty until I started to look within and began to feel the truth.
What a gold line: “Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth!”
That is so brilliantly said and it is something so many of us fall into. What a poignant article about a hair cut. and I love how the cyclical learning is revealed…everything always comes back round for us to learn about and heal.
The cyclical nature shared here is important. We are always given opportunities, and repeated ones at that, to heal and re-imprint our choices. There a lot to be learned in each moment, in each cycle, and to see how it comes back round each time is a blessing.
Yes, if we don’t look at and address what presents to us for healing it will come back time and time again, until we are ready to heal it: ‘It is truly astonishing how opportunities like this present themselves, then present again until we are ready to go there. I missed the opportunity to feel more into this the first time in London, but by nature of the cyclical world that we live in, I was given another chance at going there.’ Great that you understood this this time Megan, and did not have to have another ‘opportunity’.
yes it does keeps coming around and that just shows that we cannot walk away from things or think that we can leave it, because it just keeps coming back. Until we learn from it and deal with whatever we have to deal with. Every day we get new opportunities, isn’t life amazing…?
Yes Mariette, life is amazing in that earth flows with a precise order designed to always be re-harmonising and bearer of opportunity.. and this is the amazing part! Earth is a great teacher-philosopher, its flows a restorer-scientist.
We are constantly supported to heal, evolve and grow, even when we think we are not.
So very well written, this blog, and well worth pondering on. I can relate to my hair giving me a certain feeling when I’m happy with it, and vice versa when I’m not. What counts lies within though, as the outer always changes.
I love this last sentence:
“There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.”
I am really interested in the cyclical nature of our evolution, or the gifts of the soul that come once and over again until we realize what is needed for us to evolve, or either repeat it again. At the same time, I am faced with the feeling that: are we so dumb that we have to do it over and over because we don´t get it? or i should say I don´t get it?. Every time there is more awareness and I agree that you unfold “new inroads” and that awareness helps us down the path…but are we too slow?
When we truly stop and feel into the ‘why’ things happen or are presented to us, we can start to grow more deeply into recognizing the power and amazingness of our own inner beauty. Megan, I can feel the magnitude of your growth between the first ‘disastrous’ haircut and the second one a few years later — recognising, and being truthful and honest with your growth, you can now claim your true expression: “Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.”
I remember when i made the decision to go from long blonde hair to very short. The hairdresser tried to get me to change my mind. She said that i would regret it. She initially refused to cut my hair and then cut it half-way off. I told her to keep going as i had already claimed the short hair for myself and was clear in my choice. It ended up with me counselling the hairdresser who admitted she felt great pressure to produce the perfect hairstyles for clients and have these accepted. Her experience was that people identify with their hair as i did once and can be at a loss when the hair has gone. In the end, the hairdresser enjoyed cutting my hair as she could feel the great joy in my letting go of a false me – one that formerly believed how i looked would make me feel worthwhile but always fell well short.
I love the phrase ‘outsourcing my worth’! It perfectly sums up exactly what it is. Why continue to outsource when we have all the right ‘tools and experience’ ourselves (in fact we were born with them)? They may feel a little outdated or rusty from lack of use but with the right support we can hone those skills once again and eventually eliminate the need to outsource for our worth any longer.
Thanks for sharing your story Megan – on the haircut note, I have amazing hair and always seem to get compliments so what is my relationship with my top hair?
I take care of it and appreciate it when I wash it, condition it and dry it. I have learned to accept that my fringe is not always how I like it but it really is no big deal and gets no press coverage (that means I don’t bang on about it) pun intended.
I say to my hairdresser “you do what you feel” and then walk out with a new cut. I trust them as they know what they are doing and if I get involved with a certain picture or idea of what I think I want, I have lost the plot.
The biggest gift that I have now with my hair is the relationship with my local hairdressers which is a big deal. Having used celebrity hairdressers for almost 20 years, I chose to go local and we are like a family. I know them all and they refer to me as “our Bina” when they talk about me. I know many of the other customers and I pop in when I pass by at least twice a week. We always have meaning in our conversations and this is why the relationship is real. I never thought it would be possible but it sure is.
I must admit I have had my fair share of bad haircuts and some really great ones also. And in fact I recently had my hair cut and some playful comments I received when getting home went along the lines of ‘you look like a 80’s rock band’ and ‘it looks like a mullet’, which at the time I could see the funny side as I even thought it looked like a Rod Stewart type hair do.
During the next day I could observe my old pattern of negative thoughts trying to take me down that route of putting too much emphasis on how my hair looked, but I wasn’t having any of it and I just kept telling myself ‘I am more than just my hair’ and two days on I am enjoying the way my hair looks.
“Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.” I love the powerful revelations presented when we are willing to take responsibility and start to look deeper into the choices we make and how we are always masters of our lives.
“I was so wrapped up in the identification of growing it – however, I started to feel an uneasy sense of being identified by my hair.” It is when we identify ourselves with something outside ourselves that we will always be feeling like something is missing. I for long thought being a woman meant wearing skirts and yes long hair. That has changed now and I can feel my femininity comes from my body, from inside me. I am also deeply inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
Megan this has been such a great support in helping me to understand what my daughter goes through with her hair. I just did not ‘get it’ but feel I can better support her now with more love, understanding and self-worth!
That was a truly powerful statement that you made near the end, for every obstacle does lead to an awesome opportunity to evolve more amazingly, if we feel it. Thank you Megan.
I like the way you explain how your intent behind growing your hair impacted on you in the months and years ahead. It just showed me how the intent behind my choice to grow my hair in my twenties and into my thirties (which was indifference and avoidance of expression) was lived out my me during that time. Thank you Megan.
This is interesting, Megan, because through your blog I start to feel how much I give power away to the style of my hair. Thank you for that.
A few years back now, I had a substantial amount of hair cut off… I didn’t know how exactly it was really going to turn out – especially with curly hair.. but what I did know, was that the feeling to do this came very, very clearly from within me. And so I trusted, already knowing the person who I knew would work together with me on it, and basically have never looked back.
I get lots of comments that the cut gave me ‘groovy hair’, etc.. but you know, the main thing is and has always been, that it felt so right – just a natural expression, naturally reflecting me, playful and lovely all at the same time.
I look forward to the follow-up blog to this Megan 🙂
With all that you have gained from your experiences, will you find the haircut that truly comes from who you are, and not who you have thought you should be? I’d like to wager on the former.
Megan, loved your blog. Something that seems so traumatic can be a blessing in disguise if we have an understanding that this is an opportunity to learn and grow within ourselves. I too missed many an opportunity In the past to discover why incidents happen but now thanks to Universal Medicine I have a willingness to confront and unravel any obstacle before me so that I have a deeper understanding of myself and others.
“Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.” What an awesome revelation to come to Megan. And this is seen as ‘normal’ for women everywhere.
Thank you Megan. I love your last sentence “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur”. I often forget that there are true blessings in every situation that is not from love. I can totally relate to your hair ‘adventures’ and until now I had not considered them to be the blessings that they truly are.
Beautifully expressed Ariana, it all comes back to us and the choice we make, to love or not to love.
I love the way things come back around again and present us with an opportunity to re-address a situation by looking a little deeper into what is happening and why.
For me one situation which keeps coming around again and again, is taking on more responsibility at work and here it is again ready for me to choose once again.
Ariana, you are so right, once we let go of needing approval of how we look, accept ourselves as we are and ‘love, treasure and adore ourselves without measure’ we know that a mere bad hair day can never diminish who we truly are.
Thank you Megan, great sharing and very supportive in claiming the worth and beauty that we are within ourselves and how we make life complex when we try to get them from outside us.
Thank you for sharing this Megan. In so many instances in life we look to the outside to fix or change things in our life. Since discovering the ancient wisdom as presented by Serge Benhayon I have come to understand that the exterior can be a reflection of what is going on within. The exterior is the expression of what is within, it is not just window dressing, and by connecting to what is within we can truly express.
I really enjoyed what you shared Megan as it brought up a lot for me to consider especially this line “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.” I too can feel how I still at times avoid seeing the opportunities that situations naturally present, but I know the more I trust myself and see my value comes from within, these issues naturally resolve. I can see how much it is a choice to value who we really are and it is this choice that feels most loving and honouring.
I can so relate to your words here Alex, because actually we want to know and change but have difficulties to face some uncomfortable truths and take responsibility. I thought I was quite willing to address things in my life, but a few years ago I needed a very in my face dream with this man turning up in the back seat of my car, then he is walking towards me as I am going home. I get home and he is in my house talking to my guests. And then lo and behold, he is under my blanket on my bed. That was it, so I went looking for my phone to call the police, couldn’t find it, so went looking for where he had got in and as I am walking off he grabs my arm, turns me around and asks me, “why am I choosing to sleep walk through my life”? A flood of pain and sadness came up all at once and I just sobbed in his arms. I even woke up sobbing as that experience gripped me to the core. It was a little while before I accepted and truly felt the truth of that message and what it was asking me to do. Something I had been avoiding all of my life. To step up, join the world and live what I was naturally born to do, which was, to be and express the amazing love that I am.
Thanks Megan , I can relate to your blog as for ten years I had grown my hair long and at the time identified myself by my long rebellious locks and would have reacted heavily to it being cut off as I felt it was such a big part of me or my alter ego personality. One day I decided to move to Byron Bay to begin a more soulful life, my words at the time, and with that decision decided without any question or remorse to cut all that hair off and go short. Looking back it was definitely a soul inspired event as it finished a time in my life that was not required anymore and the connection or memory in the hair cleaned and cleared out. I was ready to start to walk a different path, about five years later my soul guided GPS led me to find Serge Benhayon, esoteric healing and the amazing teachings of the ageless wisdom.
Good hair story hey 🙂
Megan, I had a similar experience happen to me with the same revelations. . The process was massive for me. The day after I chose (by accident) to walk down the street in noisy heels that drew a lot of attention. I felt so exposed, all I could do was claim the women in me and strut my glory even though I had so many negative feelings coming in over how my hair looked. This was a great healing for me as I felt my true beauty was from within.
I found once I had acknowledge my attachment to the outside and felt my true beauty from within my haircut was actually really feminine, or more so my femininity was shining through, that it really didn’t matter what my hair looked like it still would have shined
Interesting how we create situations, that we might think are happening to us and even feel being a victim of, to get a reflection of what it is time to realise. And as you say when we fail to learn the lesson the first time it will present to us a second time…and so on until we get the point – because actually we want to know and change but have difficulties to face some uncomfortable truths and take responsibility.
Beautifully expressed Alex! Thank you for your reflections here. I can feel how lovingly those situations are presented and we have a choice about how we respond. And I love the truth you expressed when you say..’because actually we want to know and change but have difficulties to face some uncomfortable truths and take responsibility.’ Thank you
The beauty of the cycles we live in and create. Once we at least accept that the same thing is being repeated in our lives, it opens up the possibility of addressing what is at play. Whether we choose to play victim or take responsibility is the next choice..and so begins the next cycle.
I love how you have expressed here Alex the cyclic nature of our learning and how beautifully these lessons will keep returning as you state – “because actually we want to know and change but have difficulties to face some uncomfortable truths and take responsibility.”
“Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.” Megan, you have here exposed a pattern for many women, which is the result of constantly being recognised from young for how you look, not for who you are. The media have much to answer for here as the message that a women’s outer appearance is what counts most and that a woman needs to look a certain way to be valued, is constantly being re-enforced in a variety of ways – all pervasive! Thank you for exposing this falsity. May all women come to the same awareness as you describe in your blog.
“Outsourcing my worth.” What a great term to encapsulate how many women only value themselves by what is displayed on the outside. And when this is taken away as in your case with your hair, how devastating it is. I can relate to having a few of those bad haircuts and feeling totally ill at ease until my hair grew back again. What a great blog to remind us that our true worth is not in our looks.
I really could feel the shift you made with feeling deeper into the gift of the two hair cuts, realizing, that you have given your worth as a woman away. And immediately in the moment of claiming your worth back, the haircut, style ore any clothing is diminished to just adoration of the beauty you are. I can feel this through reading and know it also from personal experience or through experiencing other women claiming back the true beauty, they are. It is so wonderful to witness. I also know to be identified with the length of my hair, as I had a time in my life, I was so down, that I did not want to live any longer. But I decided to give it a try for another 5 years. Than I cut my hair off (nearly completely) it was a sign for a new beginning for me. Afterwards I let my hair grew and the longer they became, the more I felt my new commitment to life. They became very long and I was very identified with them to be female through long hair. Than I had a period of time, when my long hair wasn’t really me anymore, it didn’t look good anymore, but I held on to the length, until I realized, that it was really time to let go of the hair and the kind of contract I had made through letting them grow with committing to life. Now my hair is short, I love it and I don’t need my hair and look anymore to feel the commitment to life – that’s beautiful.
An obstacle stops us and we are given an opportunity to look deeper to see what’s there to be revealed … this is a true blessing for us to learn our life lessons and for us to appreciate how we are lovingly given the opportunity over and over until we get the message.
I might also add that from all you have shared Megan, your ‘worst’ haircut has possibly been your best – things are not always what they initially seem. Had you got the haircut you wanted you may well have continued to ‘outsource’ your worth and we all would be none the wiser to the gems you have here offered and that we can so relate to.
I love your comment Megan ‘Outsourcing my worth’, this is so easily done and many of us do this without even thinking about it. It is so ingrained in us to look outside of ourselves for that recognition, that confidence, that sense of self worth. I have travelled that well beaten track most of my life. Less so today, but it does come up at times depending on the situation and i have to really come back to myself and say ‘hey no, there is not truth to what those voices are saying to you’ (in my head of course), but to challenge them and throw them out. This helps build a deeper awareness and connection with myself and build an honouring of what i know is deep within my heart, that i am divine and incredibly amazing today, not tomorrow, not when i am a few kgs lighter or when i know this or that. But today! No outsourcing of my worth here anymore.
I love how you have signed off on this blog Megan:
“There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.”
An obstacle can only be a hindrance if we fall down before it in a heap of self-pity and say it is so. Instead, if we choose to stand tall and feel what is on offer, there is not only no mountain to climb, there is a whole landscape of new terrain on offer on which to walk.
Ariana, I had never thought about it like this, that it is a choice to love ourselves or not, just like it is a choice for us to eat chocolate or not and we can do it just a little, enough to change where we were at and continue to look out to find approval. Or, we can love ourselves in full, we can make a choice to appreciate and accept ourselves and love without reservation. It is a choice.
This is a very cool blog, awareness and insights on our relationship with our hair, which is not just the hair, but our looks, self-worth and identification. Ive been there too, crying and devastated after a haircut that put an end to a 2 years of hair growth! Tough! I went into justifying and explaining to everybody what happened to me…so as to make sure they knew I was aware that I didnt look great. OMG, so much disconnection to my inner powerful beauty and confidence. Today I have a short hair and I can sense old thoughts and feelings of ‘not feminine enough, weird, etc…’ coming back and contributing to a restlessness However I have no doubt that my beauty has nothing to do with my haircut and the frizz it might have.
It is me connecting to my stillness, at the best of my ability, that gives me the easiness to feel comfortable in myself, and then the beauty and grace comes out.
Perfect Luz, hair is just another extension of ourselves and so our relationship with our hair is also the same to our relationship with our looks, self-worth and identification. It is a brilliant reflection of us with ourselves but like you said it is not something to get hung about or beat ourselves up about as ultimately it is always perfect as it is constantly showing us something about ourselves
I love how life has an amazing way of reflecting to us exactly what we need. Megan just from that one bad haircut you got to learn so much about yourself and have grown so much from that one experience. Thank you for sharing with us. You are awesome 🙂
It is always a choice and no one can do it for us, they can only inspire us to be all who we are .. this is EXACTLY what Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and Universal Medicine practioners do.
Megan, I can so relate to the disappointment of a hair cut and in the past I have had radical new hair cuts just before important events and been devastated by the results. What you share here is a beautiful nugget of how we put so much importance on our outer appearance rather than focusing on what is already within.
I have returned to your blog again, just to share what a support this sharing has been in my process of acceptance and building the relationship with myself from the inside out.
What a great blog and example of how life plays out over and over again to show us deeper levels we can go in our journey to our soul . Identification of ourselves as Women from our outside looks is enormous and so drummed into us everywhere always playing on and building on our lack of self worth and insecurities. When we think we are working on this well there is always another layer exposed to uncover. Thank you for this really relatable sharing something i am sure we have all experienced with bad haircuts!Very exposing and celebrating who we all really are if we allow ourselves to be seen and come from our heart Thank you Megan.
Whether its a bad hair cut, or a complete life transformation or disintegration, you raise this great point that I know too well. If I’m looking after myself, have a rhythm that supports me… in being me, then no matter how bad things may look I can see the opportunity and find that personal growth comes from it. Without that foundation of self worth I get buffeted here and there, and even small things can feel overwhelming and like the end of the world.
That is so true simonwilliams8. I have noticed the exact same thing. I know when I feel overwhelmed and all out at sea, its because I’ve lost my rhythm and have not been looking after myself. My key areas to watch are eating the wrong foods and pushing myself to work longer hours than my body can really cope with.
So well expressed Simon. ‘Without that foundation of self worth I get buffeted here and there, and even small things can feel overwhelming and like the end of the world.’ It all comes back to my own self responsibility in establishing a rhythm that is supportive because it anchors me in the place that confirms me and buffeting is less likely! The quality of my relationship with myself is reflected in every response I make.
I can really relate to losing my rhythm and essentially who I am so then I allow myself to be buffeted from one person’s approval of me to another’s! Or, even more crazy, is being buffeted from one belief I hold of myself to another without the foundation of me at the helm. I used to live like this constantly and felt constantly overwhelmed.
When I do choose to look after myself I start to feel me again I can be my own counsel. I realise I could really turn up the volume on choosing to love myself and discover how much I can actually deal with everything presented to me in my day.
With the core foundation of actually I am all 100% alright and we all are, I can then look at anything that needs addressing and not shy away from for fear of feeling any shame or judgement of how I’ve behaved.
A great point Simon – if we don’t have a true foundation of self worth, anything can knock us out, because we will immediately react to the outer world and choose our own ingrained patterns of bringing ourselves down. We don’t even stop for a moment, it all happens on autopilot.
Life gives us endless opportunities to learn and until we do, lessons are repeated again and again. Thankfully, you did the wisdom gain expressed beautifully ‘Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth!’ Many, including myself will relate to this.
Reading through the comments I can see that there have been a lot of tears that have resulted from haircuts. On one hand it does show how fixated we are by appearances, and on the other it shows what a responsibility hairdressers have to connect with their client and deliver a style that is true for them.
That’s a point, Jinya, which shows that whatever we do affects others. I feel the art of being a hairdresser is to connect with the client and feel into what style resonates with who they are. But it must put more pressure on the hairdresser if the client is not clear about what they want or if they have some ideal about how they want to look, especially if it is not truly an expression of who they are. I imagine this might make many a hairdresser anxious about producing the ‘right’ result and that will of course affect the haircut!
Yes there have been many tears from bad haircuts and yes hairdressers, like all professionals, have a deep responsibility to connect with their clients. however I find it really fascinating how as women we have become so fixated on the outer that it can ruin how we feel on the inside. “I’m having a bad hair day” is a common expression used when we are feeling off – no attempt at looking deeper as to why! The pandemic of only focusing on the outer at the expense of the inner has truly crippled the natural deeply loving expression of women. There is such strength and power in a woman who truly nurtures herself inside out that I am in the wonder of it and yet it should be considered the norm, for that is how the normal for women really is.
I love what you say here Michelle. We seem to have a way of expression that is a shorthand, as in “I’m having a bad hair day” – and by shortening our expression the true depth of expression is lost and no true connection is made. It has as you say ‘truly crippled the natural deeply loving expression of women’ and thereby robbed mankind of what is a truly beautiful and healing way of being that allows us as women to bloom and grow and thereby offering this expression to the world.
The process of nurturing and expressing our depth of tenderness and divinity is a way of life that enhances every aspect of our lives and serves to inspire and offer the world a different set of values that are sustainable and forever deepening and infinite.
What a wonderful and accurate way of naming the tendency we have to ignore our natural connection to our essence, therefore not feeling the confirmation and worth we would feel from within us, thereafter settling for anything that resembles a confirmation of worth from outside of ourself.
It is so common to “outsource” our worth in this way, so we end up never truly finding what we crave and we are left vulnerable to all manner of things in life such as this haircut example so clearly shows. This is whilst we have everything we need to confirm our worth within us.
It is curious that we would seek confirmation of our worth and validation from outside of us
when we already are a stupendous everything, naturally so.
It is interesting, as you have said Eva that there are moments presented everywhere everyday for us to look at the potential to learn from what is being presented to us.
Several years ago I lost all of my hair going through chemotherapy. At the time as I lost my long hair, initially I felt ashamed and no longer like a woman. I got to realise how much I identified myself as a woman by my hair. This did change over time and throughout the chemotherapy as I really took the time to nurture and care for myself. I also enjoyed wearing makeup to highlight my features and I learnt to love myself in a different way, from the inside to the out. When my hair grew back, for the first time in my life I had a couple of years where I enjoyed short cropped hair and still felt like a woman.
Hair is an interesting thing for someone like me who is faceblind (can’t remember faces) because if someone’s hair is a striking feature then it’s easier for me to remember who they are. Short hair styles don’t vary too much, but long hair up or down can confuse me and sometimes I haven’t recognised someone I know well because their hair style is so different from how they normally wear it. It is a great reflection for me in learning to know people by their essence and not their appearance.
When we take responsibility and are willing to be honest feel and process what is going on within us we can see that every event as a blessing an opportunity to get to know ourselves on a deeper level and clear what is holding us back from connecting and loving ourselves on a deeper level . I do this with people I meet all the time, (well most of the time sometimes I mess opportunities and go into blame) especially if I feel anything the slightest bit of a contraction a holding back when I speak to people I look at what the interaction is bringing up for me to process. It is about me not them, nothing to do with the other person they are just presenting me an opportunity to process something. The answer has to come from within me and is about me and my stuff.
‘There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.’ – thank you Megan this is a very powerful statement. It is crazy but so true that we as women in this society often ‘outsource our worth’. I too have done this in many ways believing that the world, ‘a look’ or a way of existing would deliver the false love in the form of ‘attention’ and ‘acknowledgement’ that I was craving. It is beautiful to feel how you have discovered the joy of claiming the deeply beautiful loving woman that you naturally are within, as in essence we all are. As I too have discovered the same and I celebrated this joy with you Megan.
Hello Megan, you have inspired me to take a deeper look at a very challenging situation that has presented itself for the third time. I love the approach that you are taking to this second time hair disaster, it has a refreshing amount of self reflection and responsibility. Looking at these hard times and finding the healing and blessing/gift in these opportunities is truly a worthy step in the right direction to letting go of hinging self worth on something outside of us. I really enjoyed your writing style, it was a joy to read.
I love how we always get a second chance (or third or fourth) to learn or grow or re-imprint an experience. Each time that an opportunity represents for me I try to look at what l missed last time to develop a greater awareness.
Lee, I also love how we get not just a second, third or fourth chance to learn from an experience, but as many chances as are needed until we learn the lesson that the experience is offering. Whenever an experience represents, it is as you say, an opportunity “to develop a greater awareness” and therefore we never really make a mistake, as everything can be a learning.
Nothing like a bad haircut to test the self worth of a woman!
Haha too funny nikkimckee – but seriously… you’re right.
I laughed out loud when I read that after all that you had gone through, learned and understood,, you came all the way round to the same scenario that had disturbed you before. How often does life do that? It seems that whenever we are convinced we have cracked it and everything is under control, life delivers a loving blow which brings us back to a place of humility and a realization that there is a deeper place to go to – forever and ever.
As I read this blog again Megan I am reminded once again of just how much everything changes when we connect to what is within and live from that connection out. Such a power revelation for as we live this connection more and more the outer has less and less power over us.
“It felt like I had been violated somehow.”
Yes people can underestimate the intimate nature of having a haircut … having your ears, head and neck touched is not an area of the body that many other people have access to!
Great sharing Megan. A true difference can most certainly be felt, when such choices about ourselves/our appearance come truly from within us – and not dictated by trying to measure up to some external ‘bar’ we have set for ourselves.
I have a condition that, before I received diagnosis and treatment, caused some hair and eyebrow loss for a while and I wasn’t happy – I’m still not when it happens from time to time now. Is there something about hair, our ‘crowning glory’, in particular? Perhaps not – I would feel the same if it was my teeth I was losing, for example. Yet, illness or not, many of these things are inevitable as we age. So why the focus on the exterior? As I get older it’s going to be my goal to feel yummier and yummier despite what comes, goes or fades. From now on, cutting the imposing consciousness of idealised beauty is now a part of my beauty routine.
I once had my hair cut into a pixie cut when I was nursing a broken heart after a failed relationship. It felt amazing to get rid of the masses of hair (almost to my waist). Other people were horrified, it was as though I had cut off an arm. The men in my life especially so. My femininity and sexuality was questioned by many. The last few years I have grown my hair long again, however, I can feel that I have an attachment to it…. I even have nightmares about accidentally cutting my hair off… When I read this blog I felt like those fears faded away. I’m even considering a dramatic haircut!
The other great point you make here is related to the cyclical nature of life. Yes it’s true, history will keep repeating itself, until we finally ‘get’ what it is we need to learn.
This is a wonderful blog Megan. We discussed something very similar last night at Wellbeing for Women in Brisbane, asking how do we feel about ourselves when our idealised self isn’t present? That is, when we’re with our hair, makeup and outfit for the day undone? This is a great question to ask, and one you were obviously confronted with when your idealised self-image was shattered in the hairdresser’s mirror. Thank you for this awesome reflection, pun intended.
WE take a big step forward in our evoluation when we learn what the situation was wanting us to look at and heal and in ‘going there’ no matter how painful, we are always left richer, richer in feeling deeper how truly beatuiful we really are when we surrender to whatever is in front of us….
I am having my haircut today, and I had decided on what I was going to have done, which was not a lot as I am happy with the length and style of my hair. But then just last night, I suddenly had an idea for a completely drastic new hairstyle, one I have never thought about before, and the idea gripped me – maybe I would get that hair cut! But in the morning when I shared my idea with my mum, she helped me to see how this out-of-the-blue idea was not really me – and I realised that perhaps I was trying to change something that didn’t need changing, not appreciating how beautiful my hair really is, and trying to fit into something rather than just being me.
It’s amazing how our hair and the way it looks has such an effect on us. I have also used my hair in the past to express how I am feeling about what has been going on in my life. After a break-up with a long term boyfriend I was very hurt and felt like I wanted a completely new beginning. I had very long hair and I cut it all off so it was short against my head, and I dyed it copper! When I asked for this haircut the hairdresser actually asked me, “Have you just split up with your boyfriend?” She told me that this is a very common request after people have ended a relationship.
I had a hair cut experience too when I was a teenager. I had relatively short hair with curls. When I went to the hairdressing salon, a new hairdresser -this time a man – cut my hair. It was sooo short. When I said so, he said: ‘that’s great for a swimmer’! But ‘I am not’ I replied….. with a very disappointed voice. I had no idea where he picked up that idea. I was not as devastated as you, but I did feel to explain to everybody afterwards that this was not my usual haircut. I was somehow identified with my natural curls. That is all hindsight, but still through your blog it makes me realize how in a obvious or subtle way we can be identified with our looks.
“Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.” Love this Megan. ‘Outsourcing my worth’, I could so relate to how I have done this on many occasions, looking for my hair or clothes to bolster how I feel. If I had a bad hair day or bad clothes day, this would be my focus instead of stopping and feeling what I had let go of within myself. The more I claim myself for who I am, the gentle delicate woman that resides within, the more great hair and clothes days I have because I am no longer reliant on these things to get me through the day.
Hi Megan, I had a similar experience when I decided to change my hair colour from dark brown, my natural colour to white blonde. The choice to do this had been based on seeing this on someone else which looked fantastic rather than feeling if that colour would suit me. I felt devastated when I saw the outcome and cried too! That day I learned both how much I was invested in my looks and also how I had chosen another’s appearance to influence my choice rather than feeling what would be a lovely outer celebration of how I felt inside and letting that be my guide.
How amazing for you to spot and be honest about the fact that second time round the feelings were more intense. This has inspired me in two ways: the messages do get louder and trying to ‘run away’ is futile! I am learning to appreciate that there are always opportunities on offer. Thank you, Megan.
Yes so true Matildaclark, trying to escape the lessons doesn’t work as they just keep trotting around after us re-presenting themselves until we finally agree to listen to the message. I definitely know that I have been presented with the same key lessons so that I can have another go at addressing the real issue behind them and the things inside me that holds me back. What a grace that is!
So much emphasis is put on how we look, hair, clothes, shoes ,cars etc. dominated by models, movie and rock stars but in truth have any of these people found the true beauty that lies within. I’m not saying all these things are bad, it’s good to look nice and drive a nice car but without the true inner beauty that beams out through someones eyes it really doesn’t matter.
And we can choose an ‘outer skin’ to define us, which includes clothes, car, taste in music, length and style of hair etc allowing the outside to influence how we feel.
Its the wrong way round… if we are confident in how we feel inside, then we make joined up choices about all those outward ‘things’ and the true you starts to shine through.
Yes Kevin I agree. Without the true inner beauty sparkling out, it’s like a false painting. Like painting over a dying rose, trying the mask the brown faded petals with colour, which might appear to look like the real thing and even come close but underneath it’s withered and wilted. Whereas the real rose in full bloom and expression is the real deal.
Thank you Megan – I relate to your blog completely! I have very long hair, and I have even said out loud to people that I would hate to loose it. In reading your blog, it has brought to my attention how I am still attached to my hair and what it means, and the compliments it comes with. I too feel it makes me more feminine, or makes my face seem less fat. But if i am honest I have also had the recent itch to change my style. It is a great point for me to sit with!
It is so interesting the ideals and beliefs we carry about what being feminine looks like. It took me a while to understand that being feminine is not about what we wear or how we look but the actual way that we are with ourselves. It is in the way that we brush our hair or cook or be with another.
At one place where I work, I have to wear a work ‘costume’ (outfit) which is to say the least not my style and has quite an outdated appearance. Yet after reading your blog I can see more clearly now that even though these are not clothes I would wear for myself, it is a great way to let go of my belief that I need certain clothes to look feminine, beautiful and sexy. I am all of that, regardless of what I wear.
It is amazing the difference a hair cut can make! How often do we look at ourselves and only ‘see’ what is reflected back to us. We should be able to look in a mirror and be reflected back the beautiful qualities that we each have! The beauty and the grace and the wisdom that each one of us have. It is crazy that when we look from outside in the judgment and the ‘perception’ that we are tricked into thinking we need to reach in order to accept ourselves. Your blog proves how we need not look from outside in but rather from the beauty of the women that we are.
Youthfulness has a life span, much like the expiry date on a packet of food. If we use our exterior youthfulness to lead us through life, at some stage the expiry date is reached and a younger more youthfulness takes our place. If how we look is the focus and is what leads us in life, we only set ourselves up for the disappointment, or seek the anti-aging options in an attempt to hold on to a look that is young. Youthfulness truly resides in the joy that is within.
Yes, I love what you have shared here Matthew. The world is set up for us to focus on our exterior. Every magazine, TV show, it is all there telling us to focus on the outside. Thank goodness for Universal Medicine, which when it came into my life and said “hey, focus on the inside”, it just made so much sense. I love your line “youthfulness resides in the joy that is within”. Too true!
I think that’s such a common thing Megan – to base our self-worth on how we look and have ideals about how we think that should be. Universal Medicine & Serge Benhayon have helped me immensely with my self-worth; being able to feel it from inside and know that it is always there. It’s always a work in progress but so much stronger than it used to be. Now when I look after myself and my appearance it’s more from an appreciation of what is already there inside.
Coming to that awareness is awesome and super inspiring Megan. It actually connected me back to my youth as a man when I had a similar identification with my hair. I had long hair through most of my teens but there was a period I had shorter hair with a long tail (called a rat’s tail at the time). In class at school one day a kid came up from behind with scissors and cut it off. This experience left me feeling deeply upset and violated so looking back now I can see how much I was identified with my hair and all outer appearances. Our conditioning within society around outer appearances is so deep that it has crippled many leaving us at the mercy of the outer… that is of course until we re-connect to our true innermost essence and live life from that.
Rob, you are right when you say our ‘conditioning within society around outer appearances is so deep’. We are very immersed in it from the beginning of our lives and yes we can become crippled by it. It completely changes, as you say, when we re-connect to our true inmost essence and live from there. Everything that is false becomes highlighted and those fixed ideals and beliefs can be released.
Awesome blog Megan. Having a haircut is pretty common thing but when things go wrong, like your experience, you have shared how you reacted and then your choice to look deeper into what it brought up was incredible. It is so lovely to read how honest and open you were with yourself and how you have with time developed an awareness of what you were identified with and letting them go is extremely inspiring. It doesn’t have to be the major events or situations that can bring us the most amazing healing and learning. What you chose to deal with the second time round was amazing to read. Thank you.
Beautifully supportive comment Chanly88. It’s true, it often isn’t the major events that bring us learning, but the very everyday and mundane. How we respond is always the essence when life falls short of our expectations. With courage to look deeper into ourselves can come an understanding of the root cause and with this we can learn from the experience, if we choose to.
You are absolutely gorgeous Megan, I had to go have a peak on Facebook to see your hair but was so captured by your embracing of the sacred feminine beauty we each have inside. The look in your eyes says it all! Your beauty shines from within and your hair cut expresses that fully.
I feel like most people, men and women alike have grown up with an investment in their looks, as recognition is a number one source of ‘love’ (in the emotional sense). Even now I am still aware of dressing for others, wondering what they would like me to wear so I get a compliment or positive appraisal. We way our beauty on the external yet true beauty is found within. Thank you for sharing your awareness in this Megan, a true blessing to feel the healing on offer in all experiences.
Megan – what a great practical understanding of what we do: “Basically, I had been out sourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.” We are so much more on the inside than what is covering this up. That is we need skin, hair etc. as part of our physical being but there is so much more underneath we don’t even tape into because we stay focused on the surface. I can draw so many analogies at this moment. An ignited nadi is one, rather than a shut down chakra.
I love how you say ‘I had been outsourcing my worth’ – i really got that, how I have been seeing my make-up, clothes and hair as the things that make me a woman, and that I use to express as a woman, but that these things aren’t actually me, they are still outside of me, even if only just – so its still outsourcing my worth and who I am as a woman – for before make-up, clothes and a once hairstyle, I am still a woman, so it must be deeper than that.
That really stood out for me too Rebecca, I also know that the deeps that we can go when we do make the choice to live from within out is endless, there is no bottom to that.
I agree – and for me I must say what makes me a women is almost completely unchartered water. I can feel that there are qualities I bring that go far deeper than the skin, and expressing them are what truly makes me a women, however its like knowing you have super powers and not using them, as I have yet to really get to grips and explore what it means to live like that.
Hi Megan, I love your article – and it has certainly stuck a cord for me. I too have walked out feeling deeply disappointed after having my hair cut, and this has happened several times, but I must admit that I have never explored it as an attachment to the outer and my feeling and looking feminine! It makes sense what you say, and yet in me I feel a little tantrum happening and saying ‘but I wanted it (haircut) to look different!’. I have also felt that there are those hairdressers who just cut your hair and then there are those that cut your hair with respect and care – but no matter which cuts your hair ‘wrong’ you can still feel disappointed in the end result, only you feel more ‘respected’ with the latter. Being a student at the time, I also recall the gutting feeling of having to fork out what I felt was a large amount of money to pay the person who had just butchered my hair!
I can see how this can be about an attachment to looking a particular way and as a woman especially being attached to looking feminine. In fact the very first time that I cut my hair short, I got called ‘sir’ mistakenly several times – which was so depressing to have happen to me in my early 20’s. After these incidents it felt like I had to wear makeup to make sure that people knew I was a woman. Though it did not stop me from keeping short hair, thank goodness.
Henrietta, I like the point you make about different hairdressers and the care or lack of care that can be present. I have very curly hair, I remember when I was 14 I went for my first proper salon haircut (it was 10 times thicker and frizzier than it is now due to puberty). I had been smoking too much pot and mucking around at a friends house and had told them to cut my pony tail off, they did but they had hacked it with blunt scissors. I went to the salon so they could neaten it up, I was already shocked by the fact that I had gone from extremely long hair to relatively short hair but I like the way it looked too. I gave the hairdresser only one instruction “Do not give me an 80s triangle bob cut” I swear she must not have heard the DO NOT at the start of that sentence as I walked out of there looking like a african american sister in a rap video from the earlier 80s, all I needed was a pair of overalls and Mc Hammer next to me to complete the scene. Crying, I decided to never trust another hairdresser with my curly hair as they seem to cut it wet like a straight persons hair, then it would slowly dry into a massive afro.
When I got home I cried and hacked at my hair until it was nearly all gone but at least the 80s cut was gone too. It literally took me 6 years before I let a hair dresser near my hair again even for a trim and the trauma was so much that each time my hair was cut I would cry. As I grew older and begun the esoteric work I realised my hair looked unhealthy and I needed to open up and trust again, I found hairdressers that would listen to the things that I knew about my hair rather than just impose a look or style on to me that they thought was going to look good. I found hairdresser that specialised in curly hair and cut it dry so that you could see what was happening. Although making sure you were not imposed upon was important the truth was I was still attached to something outside defining me, if my hair was bad my day was bad. Its crazy to give our power away to some dead stuff that grows out of our sculls.Over the amazing powerful woman we are.
Those days are gone, I love going to the hairdressers now, thank god and Universal Medicine I am free from identifying my outer as all I am!!
Deeply inspiring Megan, thank you. From my own experience I know it to be true that each and every time I ‘outsource my worth’ I come away worse off.
Great point to pick up on Giselle “outsource my worth” when I reflect on this I can see how growing up I had become very good at “outsourcing” and would not differentiate it in any way. It was just how things were done. Whenever I find myself doing the same thing again today i know something is not right having now felt and understood the difference to simply appreciating and building me for me.
I agree David, worlds away is the endless need to fill up when from the outside in, to the depth of appreciation awaiting to be explored and felt from our inner source – an unfathomable worth!
Powerful quote…”There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face;” I can feel this experience in my life, nowadays I am able to find something to learn in what life shares with me rather than going into anger or frustration. I know sometimes it is tricky and I do find myself feeling uneasy, however this does not change the fact that there is always something amazing to learn. The ‘nugget’ that you found through pondering what your situation meant for you was awesome, a life changing awakening and claiming of your true expression as a woman.
Absolutely Brendan, I too am sure most men and women can relate to this very honest and cracking statement.
Megan, what you have shared is something very important – no matter how stubbornly we try to ignore the opportunities for healing and true growth in our lives, whether it comes as an obstacle or illness etc. – it will return again and again until we are willing to look at the root cause of it.
Beautifully said Eva. Not necessarily ‘easy’, but what a great way to learn, even if we get our unresolved stuff slammed back in our faces a few times before we are willing to ‘get it’! Megan’s experiences most certainly point the way to the fact that she is so much more than the way she has been regarding herself.
Absolutely Eva, do we ignore the opportunity presented to heal something, or play ignorant, hope it goes away for good, but really waiting for it to come up again and again until we decide to listen to what we are being told, and from there choose to address the root cause and heal it for good.
This blog is quite revealing with regards to the importance we place on a hair cut and how it affects our appearance. I experienced something similar when I went bald. I found this traumatic at the time, as the fashion for men was long hair and so the images in the media were of men with long flowing hair, and I was losing mine. It wasn’t until I started claiming myself (and the inner beauty I have) in full, that I began placing less emphasis on “..how the outer shell appears.”
The difference between someone who is feeling bad or ashamed about how they look vs someone who is ‘full of themsleves’ and lets their light shine is immense.
Or Simon as we say in Australia, a person who is ‘full of themselves’ we mean a person who is actually empty of themselves and portrays a massive ego vs a person truly ‘full of themselves, full of all the love they are, and yes Simon the light they shine is immense.
What I have discovered for myself is that the more a situation or person seems to challenge me, the more there is around to learn. The only thing I have to do is to be totally honest and open up to look at truly everything that is there to be looked at. Massive changes have resulted from that.
That’s so true Michael. If we are finding a situation or person really ‘challenging’, chances are we are ‘in reaction’ to something. Whenever we’re reacting to something, this shows there is also some of it in us, creating an opening, allowing the energy to affect us. The greatest learning I’ve had has been from some of the hardest times in my life. What feels like an awful situation at the time, has turned out to be a gift in terms of my evolution.
That was great to read Alison, I feel the same with experiences in my life. Knowing that if your in reaction there is evolution on offer.
That’s a really great way of looking at it Michael – I’ve never thought of it like that! When someone or something is challenging or difficult, instead of reacting and bringing up issues, we can just address it as something to learn…. and as you say; the more challenging, the more to learn. Thanks for sharing!
My last haircut was such fun, really playfull and a lovely experience because we both explored together, as equals, how it felt best. I had 4-5 inches cut and I felt so much lighter. A few of my friends, all men, asked me not to cut my hair because they liked it so much as it was but they don’t seem to love me any less now my long hair is gone. It’s amazing how much stock we can put on our outward appearance and yet we all know that this is not what we truly love in another.
It is so common for women to be told by a man how he likes her hair or how he likes her to dress and for the women to go along with this even though she knows that true beauty comes from within. This is how strong the need for a man is at times because we need the man to fill us up with the love we are not giving ourself.
As a guy who used to have long, rock n roll hair, and having had to come to terms with the simple fact that my hairline was making a bee-line for my heels, I can relate to this blog. It always amazes me how much value we place on the outside of ourselves looking a certain way and how disproportionately we give that outer appearance more weight than what is going on inside of us. Cliche as it is, a beautiful exterior does not make up for an unloving interior.
Very funny Naren! And a great sharing – I’d never stopped to think about how men feel once they lose their hair, as is quite common. The same, it would seem – though I had this vision that they would simply ‘man up’ in a way that women perhaps aren’t able to, and I think this has something to do with the fact that men seem to be able to get away with hair loss more than women. In fact, it’s considered sexy to many. Which goes to show how what is considered attractive or stylish turns on a dime, is faddish and, beyond that, is neither here nor there.
Oh Naren, a blog on this please… Quotable quote: “a beautiful exterior does not make up for an unloving interior”. Brilliantly said.
“Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth” this is huge Megan and something worth pondering on. In how many ways and how many area’s am I still reliant on confirmation or acceptance? Especially in my expression of a woman and in all the grandness that I am.
Is it fully me or are there still bits and pieces being fed by the media, the way other people respond or react..? I can feel there are still holes to be filled, but it is my choice to not fill them from outside but from the exquisite beauty I hold within. It feels amazing to make the choice to keep looking deeper and deeper to where my expression is not yet completely from my soul.
You write about one of the most common things to occur to a woman Megan, it is great to start the conversation about this. I too have cried like a baby, not once but many times over a haircut (and I am a hairdresser by trade). But it is as you say not so much about the hair but the expectations we walk in with, and that certain look that we are determined to achieve because surely that would make our life better. There is so much pressure we put on ourselves and others as women which is so far from the truth of who we really are.
This post and comments are lovely because what it shows more and more is that it is the connection with ourselves and the innate love and wisdom within that is the key to how we feel and are with ourselves and others, not our looks.
Having also had these experiences terrianneconnors and Megan (and as a hairdresser also) I can definitely relate to how it feels when you walk away with a look you where really not wanting. It is quite amazing to see and feel the enormity of the expectations that we put on ourselves and how this can fully influence our every move if not seen, felt and then dealt with. If we where to only focus on our own relationship with ourselves and build on it as a matter of absolute importance nothing would be able to impact us or upset us, as our foundation would naturally override any interference.
Yes, it’s the expectation we place on outer improvements to bring us something – whether it be a new outfit, new makeup, new hair, new diet or a new look… we can fall into the trap of thinking that these things mean that we are more, better, or they will make our life better. I’ve learnt that it is only in deepening within myself and allowing out more of the real me that brings real evolution and change.
Love the fact that behind every obstacle there is an opportunity for healing. Thankyou so much for bringing this to attention. Great post Megan.
Thank you for this reminder Megan. It could be so easy to spend a lifetime ‘outsourcing our worth’ as women – we have all the resources in the world in order to not actually source from within… makeup, hair, nails, fitness, an increasing array of cosmetic products and procedures, roles, abilities, talents etc.etc.etc.
And yet no outsourcing in this world can compare to the quality of worth that fills us up from the inside out, infusing every cell of our being with the divine value we hold.
That’s a beautiful way to put it Kylie, “quality of worth that fills us up from the inside out, infusing every cell of our being with the divine value we hold.” gorgeous, and I love it when I actually feel the warmth in my body it is so yummy and worth everything.
When our self worth comes from the inside the beauty of a woman (or a man) is evident for all. All the outsourcing of worth cannot hide the non-beauty lived when there is disregard for oneself. But underneath what ever has managed to pile up on top, every single one of us has a radiant beauty.
Absolutely nikkimckee, beautifully put. Our body is always the marker of truth, just as energy will always be felt. We may see beauty with our eyes but if it’s not felt the true beauty is missed.
Spoken like a woman who lives and breathes it in every cell. Thank you Kylie.
This is so true Kylie, and ‘outsourcing our worth’ is so evident in many women’s magazines, thank goodness for ‘Women In Livingness’ magazine showing us this loving way of being as a woman.
I love this blog Megan I can relate to it even though I have never had long hair I have related other outer physical attributes to my worth as a woman. As you discovered true beauty shines from within us when we truly love and appreciate ourselves.
There’s always the part of us we hang on to, isn’t there? I realised recently how I’d spent much of my life ‘trading’ – yes trading – on my looks, having come to the conclusion at a very young age that my body was never going to cut it in terms of society’s ideals. So, any affront to my face, such as pimples and other blemishes, I always took rather seriously. Sometimes I still think about this, especially as I age, but then I recall the shining examples of the radiant older women I have met and know that age and time do not hinder true beauty. That, and more so learning to love not how I look, but how I feel.
Megan I really would like to have had your wisdom ,many years ago when I had a few bad hair cuts. To have taken time to look at what this must have meant to you and find the answer is wonderful, thank you for the words of wisdom and they are definitely words I will take on after my next not so pleasing hair cut . I realise that this can apply to almost any area of life too.
Megan, I share a similar ‘hair’ story as your own and resonate with much with what you have expressed. Many years ago I realised that I had linked my long hair with feeling OK in the world, so much, that I didn’t change the style for 15 years. My hair made me feel safe. Then one day I decided that enough was enough and I cut it short in a funky style. In fact, I played around with a lot of styles over the last decade and have again grown my hair long but without all the ideals and beliefs attached. I discovered we are beautiful whether our hair is long or short – just look into your eyes – that’s where our beauty shines the most.
The amount of pressure put on women to define themselves and their worth by their looks is quite extraordinary and can create a drive that only suppresses the connection to the true beauty that lies within. So it is so just beautiful to read that you have been able to see these experiences as a blessing exposing what is not true and offering you an opportunity to see that a deeper relationship with your inner beauty and expression of that is needed, for your true femininity could never be compromised by how you look. Gorgeous.
What a great sharing Megan and i’m confident to say that many of us, i certainly can relate to what you have shared, for you it was hair, for others it may be body shape etc….But the point is how we externalise our self worth and value by our exterior, when within us we hold as you so beautifully expressed a nugget of gold!…when we truly connect and start to understand that deep within each one of us is a rich quality of femaleness that when we live from there, we start to feel our inner beauty and our external looks start to emanate that inner quality and everyone is beautiful..…i too am developing this – that my worth is beyond any external fleeting look etc…our value within is the richness of femaleness – beauty, power and grace which is priceless…as i am discovering in my unfoldment as a woman.
Karoline the qualities that you mentioned – beauty power and grace I would like to add to – playfulness, tenderness, delicateness, strength, understanding, stillness, joyfulness, honesty, humour, warmth – there are so many gorgeous qualities that we appreciate about other men and women and yet we bypass these in ourselves to out-source our worth, it’s crazy! Thank you Megan for your delightful blog.
Beautiful Karoline. I have found in the past that I have pinned my beauty as a woman to my external looks. But as you said, our rich quality of femaleness is something that comes from within and that is where our true, unshakable beauty is.
Your last sentence so beautifully encompassed everything that had been unfolding in your life, Megan. How amazing to be able to feel deep within ourselves that ”There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur’. As we allow ourselves the awareness to truly feel into what is happening in our lives we gain a whole new perspective on life and become more open as each change occurs.
I agree Susan, it was a beautiful sentence. If we can feel, observe and not get caught in the emotion, we can see how God offers teachings us in many ways.
Yes, I find this is true, Kim. When we don’t engage emotion we leave ourselves open to the magic that is all around us.
It is so true how a hair cut we feel disappointed with can bring about a feeling of lack of confidence and wanting to hide. I remember it well many times, that excruciating feeling of being seen and judged, and wanting to hide away. Since becoming a student of Universal Medicine, and learning to build a stronger foundation of myself as a beautiful woman, my experience is very different. Now I can claim myself in the actual appointment and be present while my hair is being cut, rather than letting the hair cut happen. Also, how I feel about myself inside is far more important than how I look.
So I thought to myself as I read through the comments and reflected on this awesome blog – we all have our photos posted on these sites and how many of us worry about our hair style, length and colour more than our eyes when choosing to present ourselves to the outside world? I for one put my hand up as a man and say that I’m one of those people. And I absolutely endorse the sentence that there is ‘potential to heal behind every obstacle we face’. So much being expressed here.
How exposing it can be when something like a bad haircut can have such a devastating effect. We all know it shouldn’t matter, but it brings up so much stuff. What an amazing opportunity for healing.
Thank you Megan for the reminder of “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.” It is difficult at times to see life this way but I am learning more and more this is the only way as this is when the healing happens and I am then not faced with these ‘obstacles’ anymore.
Love Love Love this Megan, you brought it right back to truth and this last sentence is something that should be studied. “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.”
Yes Samantha, i am fully with you on this, if we look at our lives as one big education full of blessings, we are constantly healing and developing and brings a whole new meaning to life…with amazing changes in the most ordinary of ways….from haircut devastation to
a sense of true self worth is life changing.
Yes, me too Samantha. It is only when we don’t allow ourselves to accept the blessing being offered to us that we struggle with what we are facing. Amazingly, we then tend to experience it again and again until we actually see the opportunity before us to heal. We are never not being offered opportunities, every day, every moment.
Very true Elizabeth, Megan has place before us a huge gem in the understanding that the challenges we face in life are there to actually support us to grow not punish us. When we are able to view obstacles and challenges in this way, we have already made a shift within. Taking the next step to find what it is we are holding onto that keeps us pinned in a particular view point, position or frame of mind can support us to relinquish many un-necessary beliefs and ideals that keep us away from who we truly are. It is an inspiring way to view life and all the events within it, golden opportunities to heal ourselves.
Awesome how life re-presents these opportunities for us to learn and evolve. To realise this is in my view a wonderful place to get to. I can’t really comment on haircuts, but absolutely know that our true worth comes from within us and not our outer appearance.
Beautifully said Richardmills363, ‘absolutely know that our true worth comes from within us and not our outer appearance’. I agree with you. Sadly, I feel that the world we live in today focuses too much on our outer appearance, using it to judge each other and our own self-worth. It is incredible and refreshing to read about people like Megan who are starting to break away from identification with outer appearance and begin truly connecting to the inner beauty that already resides within us all.
Megan, there have been so many times in my life when I have walked out of a hair salon and just felt, well, traumatised really. By the cut itself, by not being listened to, and then by how I looked. It was always a great drama in my life and the self-talk I would use against myself afterwards was always pretty appalling – using the hair cut to tell myself that I was not what I was supposed to be. Horrible really when I recall those days. But you are absolutely right when you talk about investing in an outer image to find a sense of who we are as woman. This sense, as you have described so well, does actually come from within and no outer place or appearance can replace that. This is something that I am learning about every day and it never ceases to amaze me the depths of beauty that we can go to as a women when we are connected to ourselves as people first.
Megan i feel your experience is something many women can relate. I too have been in a process of letting go of what my outer shell looks like as I age. I keep discovery more false ideals about what I think it means to be an attractive woman on the way. I can feel an embracing your wrinkles blog coming on from all that you have so honestly shared in this post.
It is interesting, as you had said that we are constantly being presented with things we need to address that are as plain as our face in the mirror… or the hair on our head. How many more obveious opportunities are we missing that is keeping us from building that deeper relationship with ourselves?
“Outsourcing my worth,” describes what women in general do. It was only when I learned to re-connect with myself through the support of Universal Medicine that I learned to love and value myself and stop giving my worth away.
I have so been there too, leaving my self-worth, confidence, and how beautiful I look, completely at the mercy of my hair cut and wether I like it or not. Of course no one else ever thought my hair looked bad, so very exposing that I didn’t appreciate any of my true qualities. Sometimes I still look in the mirror and feel unsatisfied with how I look, but I am very aware that this is a reflection of how I feel about myself and not actually how I look.
This applies to loads of things too Laura.. So often we think our hair looks bad, or we are too tall, too thin, look tired etc. when no one actually notices these things and in fact we could look absolutely incredible (but we wouldn’t even know it).
This is very true Susie, ‘So often we think our hair looks bad, or we are too tall, too thin, look tired etc. when no one actually notices these things and in fact we could look absolutely incredible (but we wouldn’t even know it).’ As a young woman growing up i was very critical of myself, I thought I was too fat etc., I look back at photos of me then and can see what a very beautiful young woman I was, I was so in my head (mind) being critical that I did not see my beauty and loveliness. In recent years, having re-connected to the beautiful woman that I am, I now look in the mirror and can see and feel how lovely I am.
There is so much about us that goes unappreciated and way too much that gets critique.
In the past I did go to a hairdresser full of wishes, ideas and ideals which I presented to the person with the scissors. Now, inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I choose a place which feels coherent to me, go their in the fullness of me and connect with the person (with the scissors) equal. And what ever comes out here it is reflection of me and my connections – and so: a blessing.
I love your comment Sandra. I can relate to that too, with going to the hairdressers with an ideal image already in my head but it never comes out looking like what I had imagined. I mostly leave feeling a bit disappointed, I get over it pretty quickly because I feel it’s only a haircut and accept it for what it is. Reading how you connect to your hairdresser and even the scissors is inspiring. It is an awesome reminder for me to connect to people wherever I go, no matter what it is that I am there for. To truly connect to everyone equally every day.
So true chanly88 – it should be always about people first. And not just when we want something from them… but also: do we not always want something from others and our meetings? We are suffering or at least looking for harmony, love, connecting, being seen, intimacy and joy. To make it about people first is to honor our longing and take responsibility about it. How can we request these qualities if we are not willing and able to bring them into our relationships?
I have had a similar experience once at the hairdressers where I did not get the haircut I expected and asked for and as a result decided I looked strange and I remember being surprised that it was such a big deal. Looking back on it I can see that it was a big deal probably because one of the things I was outsourcing my self-worth to had been taken away temporarily and this exposed that there was a lack of true self worth underneath my hair! This was uncomfortable to feel but great to know. As you say Megan so many of life’s tricky situations can result in great learnings.
This is a beautiful sharing Megan. It is really amazing how opportunities present themselves for us to look deeper at our hurts and issues and to expose where we are lacking in self worth. As you experienced, deep healing can occur when we are prepared to take a true look at ourselves. When the way we do our hair, dress ourselves and do our makeup (for women mostly!) is a true reflection of the beauty we are feeling from within, nothing compares – it’s timeless and a joy for everyone to behold.
How amazing that this experience came around again for you to feel, a deeper layer that had not been received the first time round. A confirmation of the spherical nature of time and that all that needs to be healed will come back to us when we are ready for more awareness. We need to constantly confirm our inner connection and sense of worthiness as a Woman and not allow the thoughts that would feed us otherwise.
“I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me.” I can relate to this Megan, from other life examples. What a great learning experience to share and its so practical how you experienced the opportunity come around again – to learn and to appreciate from within – this I can definitely relate to as well and love how you describe it really accessibly.
There is so much in this blog Regan, “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.” and the fact that it comes round again if we don’t get it the first time asks us to be efficient with time and space so we don’t have to go over old ground, but if we do – hey, that’s OK.
You are so right Megan. The way I perceive my outer looks comes from how I feel inside about myself. I can have a ‘bad hair’ day and still feel beautiful. Or sometimes I have a ‘bad hair’ day and feel ugly, not worth anything. But I am sooner aware now that it is not because of my outer looks but because I feel like that already before I even look into the mirror.
Hi Megan – upon revisiting your delightful blog I can say I can relate to many of your experiences with the ‘hair cut’, remembering from past experiences myself, the expectations, the investment in the outcome, etc. etc. thank you for sharing your wisdoms learned from your own experience – quite inspirational.
Thank you Megan. Your blog initiates the thought about the efforts we make to make ourselves look and identify with that look we have chosen. A few years ago, after starting the Universal medicine therapies, my face started developing a red, painful burn type rash on both cheeks. It was super obvious and drew quite a bit of attention. I could see peoples eyes look at the rash when I was talking to them. It was embarrassing and initially made me feel uncomfortable. I had to let go of the embarrassed feeling I felt and accept my ‘new look’ and accept that this was to stay as it showed no sign of abating, doctors were perplexed with no treatment available. I realised that I could let go of what people thought of me as I was putting this painful burn before who I was. Feeling me first was the key to letting go of the embarrassment, in fact, it evaporated and taught me a lesson that no matter what, the inside is what really matters.
The last sentence of this blog says it all – what a perfect blog to demonstrate bringing love and understanding to ourselves.
Such a great article Megan, I could related to so much of what you shared. When i was younger I had really long curly hair and that is what everyone saw, they recognised me for my hair as it was naturally curly, so when i decided to cut it off it was a big deal as i felt i had hidden behind my hair a lot of my teenage years and twenties. It felt like a real claiming of myself when i did it. Then finding my voice with hairdressers since then, being specific in what i wanted and felt right for me. I also loved what you said about being able to find ‘meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face’, we are reflected so much each and every day, it is in our awareness as to whether we choose to see the potential for that healing for ourselves and others.
I can relate to what you’ve shared here Reagan. Up until recently I’ve always had long long hair and loved it, as other people did too. When wanting and feeling the need for it to go short the hairdressers I chose to do this were more scared then I was! ‘Oh you can’t cut it short it’s too beautiful’, so I listened to them and forsaken my own knowing to please others. I have since gone to another hairdresser who knew the importance of energy and wasn’t hooked into the looks dominating the cut. I am now enjoying my short hair and feel great! No more hiding 😉
Thanks for the reminder that obstacles can be blessings if we simply delve a little deeper!
Thank you Megan. I have, for a long time invested in my hair being something I identify with. It has, for the most part been long and healthy and I’ve often received compliments on how nice and ‘effortless’ it is, which is true…I’ve never put too much effort into my hair and nor have I ever wanted to. I have had some big shifts in my life recently and there was a moment where I decided it was time to take a small risk and change my hair up a bit. I decided on getting a fringe.
I was starting to appreciate that I was worth spending a bit of time on and that I could start to shake off my idea of what ‘effortless’ meant. I was ready for the challenge to further care for myself. I got my fringe, and I love it, and I have to say, that miraculously, it requires little to no maintenace, but even so, my attitude toward spending a bit more time on myself has certainly shifted and I’m not so opposed to the idea.
I love how these days how, feeling more feminine inside me, allows me to visit the hairdresser with a sense of playfulness and I work with the hairdresser to decide what is my current expression generally, so that my hair matches that. I love it this way. I’m not sure how I’d go with a shave though, so there may still be something in there!
Megan thanks for your insightful article. When I read your last line ‘There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur’ it was actually the words ‘obstacles’ and ‘blessings’ that stood out. I wondered how things would change in the world if we started to use the word blessing instead of the word obstacle. How differently would we approach a potential ‘obstacle’ if those around us were saying ‘ah, here comes a blessing for you?
Absolutely Alexis, obstacles are met with judgement and self indulgence, in contrast a blessing is full of opportunity & greater understanding.
I like that Alexis, swapping the word obstacle for blessing. When I hit that wall, or difficult situation that is asking me to be more, I often give up or walk away, but seeing it as a blessing to grow and develop strength and commitment is an inspiration to keep going.
Agree Alexis, in each and every moment we have the choice to see something as a blessing or an obstacle. But in truth, every event brings a learning if we are open to seeing what is there to be revealed. So in truth every event is a blessing, it is just that we do not always see it as such if we are caught up in the emotion of a situation and not fully in Appreciation and Acceptance.
I completely relate to your recount of the devastating effect of haircut , Megan and that it indicated,” Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.” I had the same feeling of devastation as a child when I was forced to have my hair cut short from a great length: I spent most of my adult life wearing it long in reaction to this experience. It is only recently that I have started to become playful with my hair and let go of my attachment to its length – which correlates directly with my awareness of the true source of my femininity – within me!
Wow! Megan: you learned so much through these experiences with your hair! What I find remarkable about that, and disarmingly honest, too, is that most of us would dismiss such feelings as “no big deal- the hair will grow back.” But what you have shown so clearly is that these everyday, nothing-special circumstances actually offered you an insight of considerable depth and, from there, the ability to reconnect with a truer version of yourself through this experience. Opportunities for transformation and learning abound for us all with this level of awareness of all the “ordinary” situations we face daily.
Absolutely. I could so easily dismiss this as ‘no big deal – it is only a haircut’ but with such self respecting honesty, Megan, you have blown this out of the water and brought to the fore the importance of detail and tender self awareness and care. Thank you.
‘There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.’ Thank you Megan, it was particularly pertinent for me to read this paragraph this morning as I’m still playing out a story that happened to me recently, trying to understand it ( oh yes a massive distraction ) but it’s beautiful to be reminded of this and know what you say is true and to trust that everything really does happen for a reason and is a blessing, even if we aren’t aware of what that is yet, it will unfold naturally.
Gosh Megan, I can completely relate to, ‘I felt that in losing the length I, in some way, had been robbed of my femininity and my expression of it.’ I had very short hair as a child and my mum wouldn’t let me grow it. People use to think I was a little boy and I completely associated long hair with femininity. From your blog I can feel just how much I have identified myself in expression of being a woman by having long hair; rather than allowing the inner to shine regardless of what the outer is like.
Megan a really great sharing, which shows how we easly see ourselves as the physical and not for the essence that we truly are. What really counts is who and how we feel inside ourselves, and that becomes a forever deepening experience, especially as we begin to see the things we put in the way.
Beautiful Sally – we all have an essence within us that if we live from it, it brings a whole new quality to our lives…where we start to live who we are rather than seeking recognition, acceptance, love, from the outside as we do not connect to this depth that has it all….and it shows how powerful a haircut can affect us if we rely on our externals – so fickle…and i know because i too have lived like this.
I enjoyed your blog Megan, as I read through I couldn’t have stopped until I got to how it ended! Its not surprising when we look at today’s society, magazines and the images we are sold that we tie our femininity to how we look but you are absolutely right that the truth is ‘what we are inside’ is the true source of beauty which radiates out for all to see if we don’t hide it.
Thank you for sharing Megan, this is an important reminder for all of how easy it is to identify who we are by the outer shell or the obstacles that come up in life when there is so much beauty and love in our bodies that is there ready to be connected to and claimed as who we truly are.
Thanks Megan – I love what you are saying here. I have been upset a number of times by hair dressers not doing as I had requested and or doing a rubbish job. What hurts me is that I absolutely love my hair – it as a precious as the rest of me, and I realised what led me to receive a bad haircut was that I had not been honouring this preciousness of all of me it’s like I attracted a hairdresser who wasn’t able to honour all the preciousness of me either. I was so hurt but it made me realise just how much I loved me and that I needed to see me and meet me first and then find a hairdresser that would see me first and then cut my hair!
Megan I love what you are sharing. One of the things that popped out to me is how there is a strong society backing of the belief that long hair somehow is part of an identification of women. That is- many women will openly say they would like a shorter hair cut but their partners like it long. Perhaps women could have kept their bra’s in the 60’s and instead gone and had hair cuts that expressed and celebrated who they are and shared this with the world. There is a long history behind women with long hair. Great that you are bring down the stereotypes for many women and loving who you are whatever length your hair may be.
What a light-hearted joyful blog Megan of rediscovering your inner beauty, untainted by the pressures put on women to tick all sorts of boxes on how they look. When we get to this point, things like haircuts become so much more joyful, there’s no pressure like before because we’re not defined by the haircut or the outer appearance. We simply have a lot of fun with them 🙂
I really enjoyed reading your blog Megan. Your words made me realise a lot: “I felt like my world had ended, but not because my hair was too short, but because I felt that in losing the length I, in some way, had been robbed of my femininity and my expression of it.” I know this feeling so well, the feeling that my looks define myself as a woman. I am starting to feel that my beauty comes from a much deeper place than just my looks. Though that it is expressed through my looks when I feel this deep beauty that is inside me. But this is totally different from how I wanted to make me feel beautiful by how I looked before, which came from a lack of feeling my innate beauty inside.
I have had many traumatic hair salon visits where I left feeling let down, I had such exacting ways my hair needed to be, to be ‘right’. Poor hairdressers, they didn’t stand a chance! My lack of self worth and high expectation destabilizing them too no doubt.
My gorgeous hairdresser left a couple of months ago to travel and I had been avoiding getting my haircut through old fears of a ‘hack job’ with someone who didn’t understand.
Yesterday I finally went to the woman she recommended for me and it was the most delicious experience. She really listened, she didn’t talk when she initially began to cut as she was focussed on and enjoying my hair, the feeling of the way she was cutting was lovely and I felt very held by her. I could tell she really loved her work and this she confirmed for me once we did start to speak. I left feeling blessed and my head and hair and ‘I’ felt amazing which is a far cry from what used to happen. A beautiful marker for me on how far I have come in no longer outsourcing my worth.
Megan this blog is beautiful beyond words. I have had a few nightmare haircuts and and relate to everything you have shared. You have inspired me to see everything as energy i.e. Why do I wear my hair long? What attachment do I have to it? What ideals and beliefs do I hold about attractiveness and my own self worth? Very powerful.
Thank you Megan for this inspirational blog. The cycles of the world we live in are pure magic and an amazing support. If we miss – or better resist – an opportunity to learn and step up, the same issue will be presented to us again and again until we choose to move on and evolve.
This is a great blog Megan. Searching for worth on the outside, is something so common, there are so many we think we need protection from when we are not aware of who we are deep within.
It is very common that people continually seek their worth from the outer, or use the outer as a disguise, a type of bandaid to not feel the misery of not being in connection with the joy of the inner heart and love. I can relate to predominately being like this in the past. For me, now – I have found that the time and dedication I give myself to develop and unfold the beauty of my inner self, holds me presently and confidently in knowing who I am in life and I no longer need to rely on my hair or dress or looks to put up the fascade. But now the way I do my hair, dress or look gorgeously reflects the loving care I have taken with myself.
So true Benkt. And that is what I have found so supportive and healing with Universal Medicine, is that it has given me the opportunity to get to know myself from the inside out. To know I am way more than how my hair looks or how my clothes show off my body. It is my inner self that glows and that is my true beauty.
It very difficult to not identify the value of ourselves from how we look, I would consider there is a balance between caring for how we look and putting some effort into our appearance without needing to look a certain way to feel good. A haircut can be a real expression of how I feel, if my hair is feeling too long it is amazing how I can feel more sluggish whereas if it is shorter I feel more sharp, this to me is more than just an aesthetic thing, it relates to the effort I put in to myself and my body.
I feel this as an honouring relationship with my body. Listening to the messages it gives and responding, not as you say to achieve a look, but to feel well.
It seems we as women can become so identified with our appearance that something like a hair cut gone wrong can really be so crushing. It’s so great you have tools to support yourself if it is to happen again and you clearly know how to honour yourself as a woman so you know you are more then just your looks.
Beautifully said Ariel. ‘….so you now you are more than just your looks.’ It’s a fickle life when we rely on our looks….when we go beyond our skin and into our hearts this depth is constantly within us…
This is an interesting blog and one that I can strongly relate to. I started losing my hair many years ago with alopecia. I only have half to two thirds of the glorious mane I once had as a teen. Looking back, I was never appreciative of what I had and was forever trying to change it by dying it blonde or brown, or wishing it were longer, straighter, sleeker etc etc. I just didn’t feel enough.
I now wear a hair piece to cover my balding scalp. At first I was almost disgusted at the idea of wearing a wig and the first few times that I wore it I felt very self conscious. One day, Serge Benhayon complemented me on my new hair do, saying that it looked nice and suited me. My immediate reaction was to say that ‘it’s not real’. He replied simply and lovingly, ‘it doesn’t matter’. Those words have stayed with me and whenever I feel less than, or start to compare myself to other women, I realise my hair is beautiful even though it’s not real, and it’s truly doesn’t matter! Of course I have my weak moments but feeling our true beauty is a work in progress for many of us.
Thanks for your blog Megan and reminding us that it’s not about being perfect on the outside. Sometimes all it takes is a bad haircut (or losing one’s hair in my case) to bring us greater wisdom, patience and understanding.
What a great insight at the energy at play in your reactions, and your openness to stop and feel the hurt/ An amazing blog. Thank you Megan
Megan you’ve raised some awesome points..in particular what resonates for me is your last paragraph. ” there is meaning and potential to heal behind every obstacle we face. ” Now that is worth pondering. The hair cut thing is also a point to ponder.
THANK YOU.
This also resonated with me too. I am so appreciative and feel very blessed that even the tricky or uncomfortable situations are there to present a particular reflection to us, offering us the opportunity to heal something or a way of being in our lives. . . Just as the amazing and lovely moments and situations offer the opportunity to feel confirmed in who we are.
I too see the truth in this; it sums-up life well: “there is meaning and potential to heal behind every obstacle we face”. It’s seeing the gift in everything.
“There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.” wow Megan bomb shell of a quote ! Thank you for sharing your story. We are so good at placing emphasis on how we look on the outside, I know for me, that that had been a big thing.. Rather them valuing who I am I valued how I looked. Which turned out to be devastating.
Hi Megan, I have never liked going to the hairdresser myself, I love what you have learnt through your experiences and understand all your disappointments. For me I always felt as if someone’s else’s energy had been imposed on me. I would have to come home and wash my hair and redo it myself. This imposition happened repeatedly because I was always withdrawn and too agreeable with the person cutting or colouring my hair instead of asking for what I wanted. I would watch my daughter at the very same hairdresser and she would always come out looking fabulous while I would come out looking worse than when I arrived. I realised that the difference was that I was giving my power away to the whoever was the hairdresser at the time so of course I would come out looking like them or what they considered suitable for me. Nowadays I know myself so well that this is no longer the problem in fact I have found the sweetest hairdresser who really listens and works with me and I know I have changed. I now love and support myself enough to be able to express what I want. This may sound like a small thing to most but to me it is another miracle of the many miracles I have experienced since a met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
I can really relate to feeling imposed upon in hairdressing salons Kathleen. I stopped going to hairdressers for years and just had someone come to my house to give me a quick trim because I felt so uncomfortable, firstly having to look in the mirror for so long which I usually avoided at all costs and also because I handed my power over to whoever was cutting my hair rather than expressing what I wanted. I have recently had the beautiful experience of working with another esoteric student over a series of visits to transform my hairstyle and it has been such a profound healing for me of past experiences and an opportunity to celebrate myself as a woman as well as having lots of fun doing it.
Can so relate, Helen, to the not wanting to sit in front of a mirror for hours. That was perhaps the worst part of the visit to the hairdresser’s that I had completely forgotten as it no longer bothers me, in fact now I really enjoy it. Thanks to adhering the presentations of Serge Benhayon on the importance of self care as a way to develop the love of our self. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.
Yes Shirley-Anne building an intimate relationship with your hairdresser is such a beautiful thing to do and appreciating someone is a great way to foster any relationship. I certainly let my hairdresser know how much I love the way she works with me, listens to me. I have found that I look forward to going to the hairdressers now instead of dreading it. I look forward to seeing and spending time with her. I love hearing how she and her family is going. My daughter and granddaughter come with me sometimes and we have a great time laughing and chatting about almost everything.
Great blog Megan, how amazing that you can recognise the truth of what is really going on now and you can reflect back and also recognise that you were given a second chance to clear this.
Yes Heidi, great point ‘you were given a second chance to clear this.’ Often we find in life that things seem to repeat themselves and as Megan mentioned its cyclical, it comes back and each time we get the opportunity to do it differently, but not in a superficial way, but by going into honesty and seeing what is going on here, and in this we naturally start to come back to our essence as we get real with ourselves.
I love this blog Megan, what you’ve shared is so common to so many women I know, and I can certainly relate. To think our femininity comes from the way we look is of course selling ourselves way short of the real worth and beauty we are on the inside. What I find reassuring is that for the most part, this true inner beauty and worth IS also reflected on the outside.
This is so huge when I sit on ponder this, ‘selling ourselves way short of the real worth and beauty we are on the inside’ is a very important factor in everyday life. Too often we override our own true beauty and what that actually brings by way of reflection and sometimes we can feel how uncomfortable this can make another and so we lesson ourselves as a result causing ourselves great harm in the process.
Jenny, your comment that ‘true inner beauty and worth is also reflected on the outside’ is spot on. There are many women who are not classically beautiful or pretty who are stunning, as that inner beauty is celebrated and shines for all to see.
It is common for men, too. One of the worst aspects of moving house for me was always finding a new hairdresser. There is such a huge disparity between a great one and others but you can’t see it from their looks.
So true Christoph. I’m currently on the hunt for a new hairdresser and it is challenging.
Thank you Megan for so openly sharing your hair experiences – I too have had a couple of disastrous and distressing haircuts in the past, been attached to my long hair which is now short, and also attached to outer appearances…all in an attempt to boost my (lack of) self worth but no matter what I did it was never enough – there was always the next piece of clothing, the latest hair style. It was all an outer facade to try and hide behind, but really I was only hiding from myself, as everyone else could always see the gorgeous woman I am…and I am beginning to see her now too!
It’s amazing how we find things outside ourselves and place more value on them to validate our self-worth rather than be connected to, and live from the beauty that lies within, a beauty that never fades, never ages and always eternally remains as beautiful as always.
In the past I have had some nightmare experiences from my visits to the hairdresser, but my last 2 haircuts were a total turn around and an absolutely enjoyable experience. I had already felt the impulse to have the haircut and made the arrangements so it was like my body was aligned to the haircut but my mind didn’t come into it. I was just there, with myself the whole time, feeling how lovely I was feeling as I was getting my hair cut. It felt so lovely to have my hair cut in that way with no need to make idle chatter. I felt in sync with the Hairdresser and she with me. I just knew my hair was going to look fabulous because I felt amazing through it. The end result was a true reflection of exactly how I was feeling within.
A lot of men lose their hair or go grey quite young. For many men this creates a lot of insecurity in how they look. Perhaps the insecurity was there in the first place, but the change in their appearance made it more prominent. If this is true, anything we use about our appearance or the way we dress, walk, talk and express could be used to prop up our lack of self-esteem. None of these exterior things are actually able to do so successfully because it is all exterior. I’m learning that true self-esteem and self-love have nothing to do with the exterior, but it’s all about the inner life.
I love the comment you make ‘basically I had been outsourcing my worth’, I really appreciate you sharing this. After reading your blog I realised that for many years I had something similar happening. When I was a child I had really, really long hair. When I hit puberty I decided to cut it all off and for many years later I kept it short. For me I felt like I wasn’t ‘women’ enough to have long hair. It was a self abuse and denying my own femininity. I also never gave myself permission to dress in a feminine way. A few years ago a friend shared with me that she pictured me in a few years time wearing skirts and having long hair. It is really quite amazing how much I have changed- there is still more to go in claiming my femininity but I can really appreciate the changes I have made and how much more I like the woman I am.
Have you noticed how once we have connected to the beauty of being in our body and feeling the exquisite stillness that is within us, that the focus shifts from how we look to how we feel? The clothes, the hair and whatever else we may be wearing feel right because of how we feel inside.
Simply expressed, powerful and true Vicky.
I loved this as I cut my hair short a few years back, after having it long, and although it was what i wanted and I love it the reactions from others was quite astonishing. Someone questioned me as to why I had done such a thing and my daughter was initially horrified. In both of these instances I could feel that they were judging me as a woman based on my haircut.
Looking to the outside is such a regular occurrence for women – we need only glance up and there is a magazine, a billboard, an advertisement of images to be and strive for.
This in my experience will never be enough to feel deeply at one with ourselves for how can it be if it isn’t coming from within?
I can relate to this Megan. I have wanted to keep my hair long for many years with the belief that this will make me more attractive. Recently I have felt to cut it to shoulder length – something I told my self that I would never do. I really love it. It feels much lighter, it suits my face much better, and I feel great. I am finding that I do not care so much what other people think or how I might be perceived. I like it and that’s all that matters.
I feel that many of us have a history of judging our worth by identifying with our hair, and depend on it to give us that sense of being acceptable and beautiful. I am also aware that sitting in the hairdresser’s chair in the past I have felt dis-empowered and made myself less, and unable to express what I really want, and then going along with the hairdresser, even saying “do with it what you like”. What a reflection of my own self worth that is,– giving up on myself! However, since working with two Universal Students who are hairdressers, I have discovered that the relationship between hairdresser and client is the first and most important element; I have also learned that it can be a healing session, as you say Megan, and as I gradually learned to develop and express what look I wanted, I then learned something far more important. It is how I FEEL that matters When I went for what I felt and asked for my hair to be cut very, very short, it suited me far more than any of the times I had gone for the “look”, and the accepted ideal of soft hair making you look feminine. I feel amazing with very short hair, and care not one jot what anyone thinks of it or me, and I feel more a woman.
haha – thank you I have been there done that! I have often had this feeling like I want to ‘cut more and more off’, but was always too afraid that I might look ‘bad’, always playing it ‘safe’ with a similar haircut like I had at the time, which I knew looked good. Especially when going to school, if you would change anything you would really stand out (However, a huge moment to claim ourselves, regardless of what people think). Until a few weeks ago, when I honoured my feelings and said ‘let’s go short’, which felt great, and in turn I felt great! I noticed how I had to be careful of my thoughts when looking in the mirror and at the end, not letting them dramatise. As a result, I have claimed myself more as a woman, I take the time to do my hair in the morning with quality, and I feel I am expressing more of my inner beauty, no longer solely focussing on the outer. Whereas before, “I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.” Boom you have nailed it here- and this is exactly what I am learning too.
Whatever we haven’t healed comes right back to us over and over again until we change our relationship with it. Your story Megan is a great example of this. I too find it an ongoing work in progress of letting go of identifying myself with my outer appearance and to focus on the beauty that is within. It is the only way forward as it is inevitable that we are going to grow old, get wrinkles, grey hair. If we are reliant on feeling good about ourselves by what we look like on the outer we are always going to be disappointed. It is only through developing a loving inner connection that we can grow old, get a bad haircut, get wrinkles gracefully. True beauty is that which is inside us, it is a matter of connecting with it and then letting it shine out.
The way you turned an obstacle and difficult situation into an opportunity to learn more about yourself and what you had subscribed to is very inspiring; you also didn’t resort to blame but took the time to feel into what was being revealed and took responsibility for the situation.
So true Gabriele. It is really awesome Megan how you didn’t resort to blame but looked at the underlying lesson on offer. I have often blamed hairdressers for a haircut I didn’t like but can see it as an opportunity to not hold back in communicating clearly what I want, but also not letting my appearance dictate how I feel about myself.
Yes this is exactly what she has done Gabriele, she has used the situation to her full advantage in questioning why she was feeling like she was, and what was being shown to her. I too have been blessed by the cyclical nature of lessons coming to me over and over again. Time is a very patient but determined teacher. I have learned that if something keeps happening to me in life, i really need to look at why, and take responsibility for my part in order to truely address it.
Megan this is an amazing article, I loved reading all of it! and I was nodding my head in relation to the experiences you spoke of. I too am working on allowing my femininity to be known as something that I always (always!) have within me as a woman and not be identified by my hair, appearance, my shape or my form. This is HUGE for woman everywhere to come to and understand for themselves. Thank you.
Great blog Megan, in exposing how we can invest in our hair length or style and identify with it as being a woman or not. I can relate to this. When I was young my aunty next door would cut our hair. And every time she cut it I would leave crying. I felt the hair was cut too short and that I looked more like a boy. I hated it. As a consequence in my teens I choose to grow it longer, so my aunty would not cut it. And when I earned money I went to hairdresser. But not all the haircuts or styles turned out well. I know now why.
Learning how to read life’s obstacles as blessings, as messages delivered by the Grace of my Soul so I can expand and evolve has been one of the greatest life-changing gifts I have received from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine presentations. For until I knew this I clung to the victim perspective, and nothing changed. I didn’t learn anything about myself, I had no need to take responsibility for my choices and I kept ending up at the same old place time after time, like the bad haircut. This serves no-one, not me and not anyone else. I am so deeply grateful that this cycle has been revealed and shifted and my eyes are open to the messages life brings me as being reflections of my own choices.
Megan thank you for your blog! I feel so encouraged by this, as the fact that you stayed open meant that when the situation came round again and having the support of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon in your life you were able to really see and feel what needed healing and take this to another level in recognising that your worth comes from how YOU feel inside and it is not informed by the way you look.
How many times have we invested in a look and when it doesn’t turn out like the picture do we get upset and feel awful about ourselves – investing in a look that isn’t me…I was never going to have those Cristal-tips locks of the ’70’s no matter the perm! So true Raegan, it has been a case of relearning our own inner value as the woman we naturally are rather than “making my expression as a woman, my styling, hair and make-up and how I am perceived as a result of that outward expression, the source of my true value.”
Thanks, Megan for shedding some light on an experience so many of us grow through. When I was 16 I had short hair – it was the 60s and short hair was fashionable. In the 70s my hairstyle reflected the times, and from the 80s onward I found a hairdresser who understood my hair and me pretty well and cut it according to the length I liked and how it naturally waved. On the odd occasion it would be cut too short and I knew I’d just have to wait a few weeks and it would soon be back where I liked it. When I discovered Universal Medicine in 2005, I was inspired by the many beautiful women I met there, some of whom had beautifully arranged long hair, so I decided to grow mine. My hair is not thick enough to look good at any length other than a few inches, and when I tied it back, it simply looked dowdy, which was a clear reflection of how I was feeling at the time. Now it is short again with a natural bounce and that reflects how I feel now. I have not coloured it and I love the streaky grey shades, they feel natural and reflect who I am – an elder.
As I sat here I started wondering about the different situations in life where I’ve outsourced my own self-worth. Focusing on something ‘out there’ or ‘in the future’ completely blinds us to whats already here with us now. But the more and more that I connect to what is already here with me I could either go into the ‘why would you choose to continue going out there when you have the experience of everything I could ever want being right here within me. But isn’t that focusing on out there again? At this point in time it feels more sensible to accept that there is a part of me that will want to keep going ‘out there’ for my worth as that has been the running pattern for so long, but to keep in mind that everything is already within me and deserves more focus. Thank you Megan.
It is true, we give so much importance to the outer that we can end up basing everything on that, making it our all and then the set up for devastation is already there waiting. It is amazing to feel that everything around us is there for us to learn and let go of a way of being that is not us. What can be seem as ‘just another haircut’ is actually life changing when we feel what it is there to present or reflect to us.
I love the way you describe having an second opportunity to get the message from the two devastatingly short haircuts bringing up your ideals about your hair and your femininity. I have many examples where I’ve thought, ‘oh no, not this again.’ But now i understand that I’m given another chance to do something different. How great is it that when we observe that we get a repeated message, we can learn from it and move on. (and not need a third or fourth message). It all supports our evolution.
Thank you Megan for such an honest sharing of a very personal experience and one not many would so publicly share. I love the way you recognised that you were ‘out sourcing your own worth’ because its true, we are all encouraged to out source our own worth from a very early age, praised for how we look and what we do, rarely appreciated for just being ourselves. I still have many attachments and beliefs to relinquish around my body image, hair and looks, but these days I am learning to welcome the ‘bad hair’ moments as the real gifts they, the opportunity to see that I am holding onto something that is not really me, and that sitting underneath them is a beautiful part of myself waiting to be reclaimed. And yes, time does that for us, if we don’t take the opportunity to deal with the issue on round one, time will bring it back for us to deal with later, when we are more ready and willing to take a proper look.
Megan your blog reminds me of a haircut I had not too long ago where it was cut way shorter then I wanted it as I was attempting to grow it longer. I though at the time my reaction came from not being honoured in what I expressed and i was upset with the hairdresser not being present when she worked with me but I can feel in reading your blog how there are still parts of me that identify with the outer. In sitting with this I get a beautiful sense of feeling myself deeper from within, feeling my beauty and femininity and in that knowing that the outer does not matter one bit other then it being an expression of the inner.
Thank you for sharing Megan. Your experience describes just one way us women measure our beauty and self worth on things outside of us, and it really can range from things like our hair, to our makeup, our height, weight, body shape, nail length or even nail colour! Sometimes I’ve had haircuts where I immediately put my hair up in a ponytail after and walked out of the hairdresser trying to cover my head… Although others assured me it wasn’t bad – that it actually looked good, I blew it off and got into a right state of self loathing. This started from a very young age, and has had some devastating affects. I very much appreciate what you shared about changing these immediate reactions of self loathing.
A valuable blog for both women and men to read, as more men are identifying who they are by their investment in how they look.
It was wonderful that you came to see the haircuts as an opportunity to explore and deepen the relationship with yourself, and to truly claim your inner beauty.
I naturally have a lot of curls but at some point I did not want the curls anymore, I wanted long and straight hair as this felt more beautiful. Looking back now I can see how I got trapped in the ‘long hair is more feminine ideal’. But long hair just does not work with my type of hair. Since some years I have started to embrace my curls again and last week I had a haircut and told her to really go for the curls, even it means shorter hair. Guess what..? I love it. It is so me. I am playing with it now, buying some hair products and just have fun with it.
I remember after having taken years to grow my hair I went to get a good haircut for long hair and the hairdresser convinced me to go very short. I felt totally violated, I couldn’t understand what had happened, I went directly to the lipstick counter of the department store and put some red lipstick on! I was young and people loved the short cut so I was ok with it! See the need for outer approval assessing my worth and value… today much older I live in a body I do love, and see my hair as an expression of myself but I have a long way to go to not being identified with how my outer appearance is and truly feeling my worth as a person regardless of the shell I inhabit. I am inspired by many many people who I know feel amazing on the inside first and that is then reflected in their outward appearance. I know I will feel that one day.
That is such a supportive blog to read, Megan. “The potential to heal behind every obstacle we face.” Specially in times, when many obstacles appear!
I agree, Felix. Not only is there an opportunity for healing, but by seeing the situation as a lesson, it stops us from taking on the hurt. It becomes an opportunity to look at how the energy has played out, what openings we may have had and an opportunity to make different choices moving forward.
I agree Felix. This reminds me that the drama and reactions I allow are choices. I can see the opportunity to evolve and change my ways when I find myself creating drama or going into reaction when things don’t go my way.
I feel certain that many of us invested in our outer appearance to gain inner confidence. For some I’ve noticed if they have not applied their make-up they are not ready to face the world. For me though it was definitely a ‘hair’ thing. So much attention was given to my hair as a youngster (it was long,thick and very wavy hair) I remember asking my grandparent to cut it off – so she put it in bunches and snipped one pony tail clean off – close to my head!!! my mother was furious not to say that I was a little in shock. We are presented with so many opportunities to heal and as you so beautifully share ‘there is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face’. A lovely sharing Megan thank you.
“There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur”. This is such a powerful, empowering and life changing realisation.
I agree Jonathan, the willingness to see every obstacle as an chance to heal something deeper is incredibly empowering.
Absolutely Joel and Jonathan. Reading this it makes me consider how many many times I must have missed the opportunity to heal by dismissing what I felt or blaming another rather than looking within. I was stuck in a way of living void of any true responsibility, when the choice to be responsibly and look at what is coming up to clear is forever offered to us. It is empowering. I am appreciating coming to a more truthful and honest way of living and all the inspirations that have brought me here. Thank you Megan for this inspiring read.
I agree Jonathan, very emowering to realise that behind every obstacle in our lives there is an offering to understand about ourselves and heal whatever needs healing.
Reading this in your comment I can see what a powerful realisation this is .. and others have seen this too as this is one sentence that has been commented on a lot. To see obstacles as true blessings that can gently show us there is more to look at and heal if willing.
Going to a hairdresser for me is more thrilling than going to the dentist … and that will mean something!
Hi Sandra, I on the other hand used to dread going to the dentist but since a dentist session where I told the dentist about my fears I now have at times drifted off to sleep while the dentist is working on me. For me I had to do a similar thing with hairdressers as while most women seemed to loving going I did not as I always ending up giving my power away and come out looking and feeling like someone else.
This truly a testament to you and your strength Megan and I would say that you are a true inspiration to us all. There is so much here to learn about not identify ourselves with our physical bodies and instead using it as a way to express what we are already.
Hear Hear! Absolutely inspirational Megan.
Thanks Megan for sharing your experience of how obstacles in life can become true blessings if we are open to the opportunity to feel what is being presented and learn from it. I have often had to repeat experiences because of my stubbornness in refusing to see the message!
Me too and specifically so in the hairdressing chair.. I can tell now when I am booking the appointment what the impulse behind it is. If it is true or a need that I have that I think will fulfil me as a woman, but when it’s not true it stands out and has always ended in another opportunity to learn.
Interestingly at my last hair appointment both hairdressers asked me towards the end if I ‘felt better’ and I thought to myself, ‘better than what?’. It was so clear to me that women change and ‘do’ their outward expression to better how they feel about themselves within. Crazy when our ‘within’ is sacred and stunning from the beginning.
Cherise, this is very true – it is utterly crazy how we have learnt to search outside to feel better within, when in truth we are all already sacred and stunning from the beginning.
I love reading your blog Megan, I know too the failed hair cut.
We all know the potential of how we look, but we often forget that it is actually not about our look but about our total expression form within that truly inspires others. Once we know and understand that our look and hear cut will naturally come from how we feel from the inside we will stop aiming for a certain look, will it be our hear cut, our clothing or make up we wear.
In my 60+ years of relationships with women I cant remember once when a partner came home from having their hair done… and there was something about it that was not right or worse as you have described brought tears. Your insight into women and their hair is en-lightning for men to understand and women to feel into. A women with a good hair cut looks good but like a snowman it doesn’t last long. What never changes is the amazing person that lies hidden under the hair. So, let down your hair and shine.
It’s great to read your article Megan, I can relate to what you have written here, for most of my life I kept my hair very long, i would only ever have an inch or two trimmed off, never risking loosing the one thing that represented my femininity for me, it has only been in the last year or two that I have become experimental with my hair and because I now feel more love for myself and am not so critical of myself I have been playing with having my hair cut shorter and it feels great, I now feel ok if I’m not keen on the cut because I feel feminine in myself – its not all about my hair like it used to be and so I’m now really enjoying playing with my hair and trying different styles and cuts.
There is always an opportunity to learn in all that we do if you choose so, even going for a haircut. Working with a couple of fabulous hairdressers over the last few years, I have learned a lot, and learned that a great haircut for me is a partnership, me getting involved and claiming what I want and what doesn’t work rather than just sitting down and hoping that something miraculous would happen whilst sitting in the chair.
I found this too Michelle. A great haircut is a partnership and getting involved. Giving our power away by sitting down in a chair, and in a daze is asking for disappointment and tears.
Great point Michelle and Kehinde.
I had a different experience but at the same time similar to your experience Megan. A few years ago my hair had been trimmed short at a beauty day spa, I did not plan it before hand so it was a bit of surprise to me and all that were there on the day. At first I was a bit sad that all my hair was gone but I could see and everyone was telling me that too that my tenderness and joy were coming out more with the short hair cut and I looked younger. I got used to my short hair and it was true I could not deny my tenderness when I looked in the mirror. In the last years I stayed with the short hair. Lately I felt to wear it longer again and I talked about this with my hairdresser I was not sure because of the tenderness aspect of my short hair and the time aspect with longer hair (I need more time to look after my hair) and she gave back to me that my tenderness is within and I won’t loose it with long hair and I immediately felt how true this was/is. And the next thing she said to me was how looking after my long hair would give me more time with me. Wow I felt blessed by her wisdom. Such a wise woman, my hairdresser.
I wear my hair cut short and natural, very rare these days for Black women. At times I questioned if the cut was too short or too masculine, but then realised that how I felt inside was more important than the cut. One of the reasons I kept it short was because of the time it takes to plait it, nightly, to keep it conditioned and soft. So I’m taken by your hairdresser’s wisdom that looking after long hair would give us more time with ourselves.
A key take away for me from your blog is that ‘There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face’ and that when we don’t take the meaning the first time, another opportunity will always present itself – again and again, repeatedly, until we finally get the meaning and can begin to honour ourselves fully by the choices we then choose to make. I guess the trick is to be able to appreciate the potential in every obstacle rather than resist it.
I too have very much relied on my looks to make me feel better. When my hair and make-up looked great, I felt great. Although I am less conscious of my appearance now, I can feel, especially as I read this blog, there is more to heal. I can feel a resistance to going deeper, although I know that my sense of self-worth comes from the inside… there is much for me to ponder on here
Great blog Megan, I really liked the line that said “There is the potential for healing in each obstacle we face” .. and the obstacles will keep presenting themselves over and over until we finally get it. I feel men these days are focusing more and more on their looks and spending more and more time in front of mirrors and pumping iron in an effort to gain a perfect body instead of looking inside and embracing their inner beauty and tenderness. We could learn well from reading this blog.
There’s a lot in this blog Megan and shows how every activity we enter into has the potential to heal, depending on how we approach it. When we visit hairdressers or have one come to the home (as I do), I’ve noticed we are confronted with our choices; our choice of hairdresser or stylist in the first place – one who connects, ask questions and feels what is needed or one that just cuts hair regardless of the person? There’s also what I bring to the hairdressing session: am I present or not? Do I know what I want? Can I express this precisely? How do I feel that day? I’ve found the times I’ve felt most let down by a hairdresser reflected how I entered the salon, usually in a rush or daze and not fully with myself. The more claimed I was (meaning the more I connected with the true me and ‘owned’ that) the less these encounters became a source of stress and disappointment.
Megan this is such a great example of how we are constantly being offered opportunities to evolve. Thank-you for your willingness to see beyond your reactions to the core issue at play.
This is great observation Megan of how much we can invest in our outer appearance to justify our self-worth.When we visit a hairdresser we are asking someone else to be responsible for our appearance so it is easy to blame them if we don’t like what we see in the mirror and sometimes it is that lack of self-worth that is reflected back to us.
Absolutely Mary. Well said. This is also a possibility.
This is very true Mary, ‘When we visit a hairdresser we are asking someone else to be responsible for our appearance so it is easy to blame them if we don’t like what we see in the mirror’, I always thought that the hairdresser knew best and so would always ask them how they thought I should get my hair cut, writing this now I can feel how I gave my power away to the hairdresser and instead of it being a playful, fun time to experiment and express myself it was always a painful, uncomfortable experience and I never remember coming out of the hairdressers feeling great. It is different nowadays I am starting to enjoying having my hair cut, it feels lovely to say how I would like my hair cut and styled now.
Your blog was so lovely and easy to read – I really wanted to know how it continued an ended…:) And of course there is no “end” so to speak- but isn´t it amazing how things you didn´t wanted to look at come back for sure in another time. Life is miraculous when you observe the cycles we live in.
Agree Steffi, when we let ourselves observe the natural, unavoidable cycles of life, life is so much more easy, without the pressures and challenges we so often otherwise face.
Yes this is a true blessing that we are given in life.
Yes – I found that both amazing and very confirming, too, Steffihenn: we are offered so many opportunities on a daily basis.
Megan thank you for sharing your experience and you came to understand about the real feelings that came up after having your haircuts. It’s made me reflect that I often approach a hair cut with a sense of “how will i look after” and a lancing of the fact I’m not accepting of myself before I even go to get the haircut. As I’m in due need of a haircut at the moment I’ll see how I approach my next one differently and explore why the outside appearance is so important to me.
It is interesting how much attachment we have towards our hair looking a certain way, as though it defines us in some way, so I can see how people can use it for protection.
I have always felt as though I have been in a battle with my hair, as in I want it to go and look a certain way and that’s not that easy with a double crown. But just lately I have stopped fighting it and letting it go where it wants naturally and it makes life so much simpler.
I find that my hair often reflects where I am at. If I’m stressed it looks wild and crazy. If I’ve given up my sad ponytail tells the story and if I feel beautiful it is bouncy, shiny and full. It is clear to me that great hair starts inside my heart and the energy I choose to run myself on.
These attachments on how our hair looks can also be an ideal we use for our clothing, our weight, our make up etc etc. There are many areas that we can let go of if we truly look at the restrictions we place on ourselves. I find that if I do my hair or dress or make up etc in a caring quality then it always looks lovely but most of all it feels beautiful.
I agree Johanna08smith, if the caring quality is there, I always feel great in what I am wearing and how I look, and it does not depend on others liking what I’ve chosen.
I agree Megan, haircuts can be very revealing and as I have a hairdresser whom i trust fully when the hair is not like I wish it to be I know this has to say something to me.
I pretty much, without fail, always feel that my hair is too short after I have it cut. Now as I reflect on what this is showing me, I’m feeling that maybe I’m wanting to hide, when my hair is shorter I feel more exposed and vulnerable. Thank you, Megan, for bringing awareness to this very important topic. It’s the gateway to so much more.
I must say as a man, I feel quite free about choosing a hair style and of course cutting it too short is rarely much of a problem and the risk of getting it wrong was quite low. But on few occasions hairdressers or even my Mother did not cut my hair the way I was expecting it to be cut and I would feel this sadness inside me as well as a deep sense of frustration and yes it would be quite hard to let go.
A great sharing. I remember when I was a young and the in thing was to have a perm, in those days I did not know much about perms, such as soft or tight. I went to the local hair dresser asked for a perm, assuming she knew what she was doing, she never asked what type of perm I wanted. To my horror when it was completed I was devastated, the perm was a tight perm, I asked her what she had done, she said that’s a perm, it will grown softer as it grows out. I felt so horrible I did not want to go home. I was embarassed to go to school and my little self confidence was gone, how I looked was so important to me, as for very long time when I was growing up, people would always say how good my friends looked and I would feel I was not as pretty as them.
How interesting the feeling about hair length can be.. I feel myself much more since I have a shorter hair cut. It is as Lucy shared, something old has outgrown and needed to be cut away. I love to have my neck free.
The other thing with haircuts is that indeed every visit to a hair dresser and every outcome exactly reflects where we are at with ourselves. The more I am with me and balanced the more harmonious and joyful the appointment is.
I remember being made to wear a particular outfit when I was young and allowing it to ruin my whole day. I didn’t talk to anyone or join in because I knew that no one would be able to see the real me. It was a total investment in how I looked at a very young age. This investment is debilitating and a curse for women. I’m working on knowing I am beautiful from the inside out. It is such a great blessing to look at these attitudes as they come up and to let them go.
“Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth!”. I know too well the feeling of outsourcing my worth to others. I’ve long known that self-acceptance is key but have really only just started to make the steps to accepting who I am and having a glimpse of understanding of what life will be like when I accept myself in full and no longer hold back who I am out of fear of what others may think. I appreciate what you’ve shared Megan and the fact that opportunities are always presenting themselves to show us that which we have not yet healed within ourselves.
This is gorgeous Megan. I have cried many times after a haircut and have allowed the same identification with my hair, seeing it as my “glory” being taken from me. I love the truth you have uncovered here: that our beauty within is our true beauty and glory is found in living it.
You aren’t the first person to have a dodgy haircut Megan and won’t be the last! What is awesome is how committed you have been to delving deeper into what the emotions you felt with both haircuts truly meant for you to deal with.
Wow what a realization for you…recognizing a bad haircut sometimes is not just a bad haircut. That it can be so much more…. if we’re willing to allow and trust ourselves, to go deeper within and feel the true blessing it is, as you said…”amazing changes can occur.” This can be the same for all obstacles or curve balls that come our way in life…we can all choose to allow and trust ourselves to feel within, for the deeper meaning this has occurred. Thank you for sharing your inspirational story Megan.
Megan you are so right. “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.” The true blessing is being aware that everything and everyone brought to us in this world is there to teach us something. It is for us to trust what is being shown and shared with us to evolve. Thank you.
Beautifully said, Kelly. I have noticed over the past few years a certain situation has repeated itself, three times! After the second time, I realised that there was more, I still wasn’t understanding all that was there for me to see. This honesty and open-ness then allowed me to get through a period which would have otherwize, in previous years, left me with very deep hurt and resentment. Instead, whilst it was unpleasant and stressful, I took responsibility for my part in it and saw it as a gift, an opportunity to learn. It has enriched my life enormously, not only from what I learnt about myself, but by claiming responsibility for my part, I’ve now put a stop to that pattern of behaviour repeating itself. That’s gold.
Oh Megan, what a joy to read of your hair cutting experiences. I laughed to myself as I felt into your words, revealing my own experiences with hair dressers. “It is the inexperience of the hair dresser that is at stake here”, nothing to do with my own self worth issues of wanting to present on the outside instead of the inner woman I am.
I can so relate to that feeling as well Mary, of walking out of the hairdressers and feeling very dissatisfied with the style/hair cut – although this mostly happens when I am trying to get a hair cut to look like someone/a model I’ve seen in a magazine, even when my hair type is completely different. I find it very uncomfortable walking out of the salon after those times, as I feel like everyone is looking at my hair, but when I think my hair is ‘rocking it’, I almost strut down the street! In both scenarios I am not just happy in myself, but using something on the top of my head to define how I feel, which is crazy!
Megan, I can totally relate to your blog as I went through the same learning. I now have long hair as an expression of who I am, not as a substitute for connecting to my femininity within by trying to display it on the outside. I am no longer attached to long hair as I know I am so much more.
Megan you are truly inspiring and reminding me to claim deeper today the great endless well of my womanly expression from the inside out. I too have been so very wrapped up in the outer to make the inner ok. But this is not our way any more.
Thank you for sharing your story Megan – you certainly have shone the spotlight on some areas that I have been only slightly aware of in a ‘background noise’ kind of way!
Great article. I can really relate to those external things that we look to to fulfill self worth, rather than making it about what is inside. Hair, body shape, clothes, make-up, these are all things that have been used and are still being used to define our identity as women rather than making it about our true loveliness from inside out. Can’t say I’ve mastered this yet but definitely working on it 😉 Thank you for this gorgeous point of reflection.
What a greater awareness and opportunity you have presented for us to connect to how much we place on our outer appearance. Like Janine says, I have not mastered this yet either (having a similar issue with a purchased pair of boots recently?!) but thanks to reading this blog and the comments, I feel far more aware to make my expression of my beauty from the inside out rather than outside in. It’s a wonderful journey to be travelling and oh so much fun.
I appreciate your honesty here Janine, not claiming to be perfect but also acknowledging the effort that you put into deepening your self-worth. very beautiful.
We place so much importance on our image, our outside appearance and judge ourselves so harshly when something is not how we want it to be. I used to own play how beautiful I am, dress down and have a bit of a “that’ll do” way with myself. I was very attached to this, but what I understood of this is that I was trying to hide myself and not claim the beauty I now know myself to be. Our attachment to our outside looks to feel our worth is a distraction from connecting to who we are, for that is so much more magnificent than we can imagine. Thank you Megan for your very beautiful and honest blog. This also remains a constant work in progress to me too.
This is brilliant Megan: “I had been outsourcing my worth”, it seems that so many people do that in our society – for women, more often with their looks, and for men, with what they can do or achieve
Yes brilliant – “I had been outsourcing my worth” jumped of the page and spoke grabbed me too. It is utterly devastating, not to mention absurd, that we do this, because the loveliness that we are , and knew ourselves to be as children is the true source of our worth. There was never any need to look outside. It makes me think ‘what have we done as a humanity to rob ourselves of this most innate and precious truth. How have we allowed it?’
Great blog Megan. I think that ‘Have you been outsourcing your worth?”‘ is worthy of an advertising campaign to turn the tables back ‘outside in’.
I loved this phrase too Jessica, “I had been outsourcing my worth” – something I most certainly did for much of my life. It is very liberating to discover that even a bad haircut is not enough to dampen a true sense of worth from within.
Well said Jessica, there are many ways we can hide and look for love and worth outside of us. I have done so in drawing the attention from people around me towards me, with for example my looks, behaviour and emotional needs. This was very unfullfilling really, as I never felt really enough or completer as I had hoped. Very interesting. As you mentioned – we can also do that with how much we can achieve. It does not really matter in which way we do it, the attachment to this need stays the same.
I enjoyed reading your hair reflections Megan. When I was younger I had beautiful waste length hair. I loved my hair and so did everyone else. It was unusual for a hairdresser to have long hair and I was very attached to it. As much as it was beautiful hair, I can feel now it was like wearing a blanket of protection, one I thought I could hide behind. When I first had it cut in London at a Hairdressing course I seemed to grow 2 inches taller and felt as if a weight had been lifted. So much energy felt trapped in my locks… my whole adolescence. I remember it took some time for me to feel comfortable with feeling so exposed but I enjoyed the lightness and new sense of freedom from letting go of my attachment and identification with my hair.
Oh yes I know this, using my hair (make-up, clothing) like a “blanket of protection”.
I can really relate to your comment Victoria… I have also done the same in the past.. hiding behind my hair and feeling safe having long hair. When I had a thought to cut my hair it really felt like a coming out of hiding and a real showing myself to the world, I felt so much lighter and radiating. As we know you can’t tick everyone’s boxes.. I had many people that we’re very upset that I cut my hair but to me I felt beautiful and I felt like me rather then trying to fit an image what I though you had to have to be a beautiful young woman.
Yes that is it arieljoymuntelwit, trying to fit an image of what we have been sold as to what a beautiful or sexy woman looks like.. often portrayed as someone with long flowing locks of hair. It is our radiating essence as you have felt that expresses our true beauty. Thanks for sharing.
Very interesting Megan, hair especially for a woman is one huge subject of great interest when it comes to self-worth and expression. I recall the complete freeness I felt in cutting my hair from long to mid length, and then now to short, and it being an expression and embracing of myself as a woman at that time. I really got to note the fact of our buoyancy that goes with our hair during the time when my hairdresser thinned out my (very voluminous curly) hair – on my instruction I might add, but they did a bit too much that time. Running my hands through my hair feeling its reduced volume didn’t feel right at all, and made me reflect on how easily or quickly we are to reduce or tame our expression. So the next time I went to the hairdresser, needless to say I was (even more!) precise on the trimming process, honouring my expression.
I love my time at the hairdressers, I get such a reflection of what is happening to me, have I expressed in full what i want, have I claimed exactly what I want, have I given my power away, do I go into self doubt half way through etc. It’s lots of fun staring at your reflection while getting your hair cut and feeling what goes on during the time.
I really had a chuckle at this blog Megan, I can relate to be attached to keeping my hair the same colour especially as I age. When my last colour took me duller and darker, I saw how everyone’s perception was different, so really had to check into what I felt about it and what it reflected for me. What I came to is I really appreciate the health and quality of my hair as a reflection of how I am looking after myself and the colour can change without affecting my self-image if my connection to my inner beauty as a woman is strong.
I agree Jenny, I love that this is quite a funny blog and I am sure that so, so many women (and men!) could relate to this blog.. sitting.. reading.. going oh my gosh that has happened to me! I love your down to earth personality Meagan.
Thank you Megan, I love what you share here ….’What I have come to realise since, as I have processed this traumatic experience, is how much investment, as a woman, I had placed on my looks and how that determined both how I felt about myself and how I interacted with others.’ I too have had one or two devastating experiences at the hairdresser. For me it’s been more a case of ‘giving my power away’ and I’ve allowed the hairdresser to do what ‘they think will work well’. I have very fine and not very thick hair – so that’s an immediate recipe for disaster! After reading your blog I realise this mandate I gave to the hairdresser came from a lack of self worth, a hope that a ‘good’ haircut would transform me into a more beautiful woman. Maybe the ‘unflattering’ haircut I received was a reflection, for me, of the dis-honouring I was showing myself in failing to acknowledge how awesomely beautiful I already am.
well said Alison… self worth exposed through a bad hair cut experience. Amazing.
I love this very practical example of how everything in life offers us an opportunity to learn something about ourselves, reflect and connect more deeply to us. Thanks Megan.
Everything in life offers us the opportunity to learn something about ourselves, reflect and connect more deeply to us. And when we don’t accept the first ‘offering’, we get it presented again and again in different settings until we learn what is there on offer. How loving is that for us, human beings!
Yes Monika we are truly supported all of the time though we may not fully appreciate to what extent. Like you say if we miss the learning the first time life simply gives us another opportunity over and over until we are willing to be very honest with ourselves and receive the lesson.
“Out sourcing my worth” – yes these words certainly struck home for me. How often do we hand our sense of who we are, our beauty and our worth to others to determine? And how vulnerable does this make us as we are buffeted about by the winds of other people’s opinions.
These words will stay with me Megan and be my reminder when I am outsourcing what I am here to do for myself.
Amazing isn’t it Megan, how just one marvellous attribute that one may be endowed with can become the focus of one’s belief system of what it is that defines one. I would guess that you may not be the only one in the world who was at some time in the past not able to see the true beauty of the woman within, that encapsulated the femine, grace, tenderness and joy that emanates when she knows who she is truly, not just counting on the glorious hair, round eyes or long legs etc. that was bestowed upon her when she entered the world. I am in so much appreciation of what we have learned about our true selves by attending the various Women in Livingness groups and the presentations of Serge Benhayon at Universal Medicine.
Absolutely Megan, the magic blessings are in all we do, which then allows us to evolve when we open up and accept the blessing, so it is felt for what it truly is.
‘There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.’ I love how you ended on this the simplicity of the essence of the blog was just summed up so well
I love how in this experience Megan, you got offered another chance to see the truth of what your horror haircut means. Its cool to read how the thing that got cut in in the end was this belief that your beauty and worth as a woman is dependent only on the outer surface.
“By nature of the cyclical world that we live in, I was given another chance at going there” – I love this. How liberating it is to be able to say this.
Thank you for sharing your blog Megan, what a beautiful life we have when every thing is an opportunity to heal the hurts we carry and will keep coming back until we see and feel all that is on offer and the truth that the hurt was never who I am, it was only holding me back from my full expression.
Beautifully said paulmoses39, when I can see life in this way as you describe, I actually enjoy the revelations and awareness that comes from realisation of the hurts. It is indeed a beautiful life when I welcome every moment as an opportunity to grow and heal.
Megan I love your closing sentence – ‘There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.’ And specifically I relate to the need to build our relationship to the inner and to stop focusing on the outer which, for me, is a work in progress also, but every step made towards meeting the obstacles head on and deepening my relationship with me is rewarding beyond my dreams.
Megan I completely agree you. Those occurrences I’ve found challenging have actually been great blessings once I’d gotten over any ‘poor me’ stuff and trusted myself to feel what was beneath them.
So often I’ve ignored the first round of incidences because I hadn’t wanted to see what they were pointing to, to have them louder a second round present themselves to me.
I’d like to say I’m no longer so foolhardy to ignore the first round still but sometimes I get in the way. Your blog reminds me there really is always great healing behind all that is presented to use in life and trusting oneself to go there is a beautiful way to live because it connects us to the love that is present always.
You have written a lot here to ponder on. I can certainly relate with what you have shared here ‘is how much investment, as a woman, I had placed on my looks and how that determined both how I felt about myself and how I interacted with others.’ All my life I have based who I am on how I look with others and myself. If I looked not so great I would not feel great or be confident with others; if I felt I looked okay I would be more positive, confident with others and feel sexy within myself .. all very superficial. What I am learning more and more is that I cannot base who I am by the way I look. From continuing support from Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and Universal Medicine practioners I am learning and remembering to connect to the essence within the body instead of making it about the body (but also loving the body in order to stay healthy).
I love what you have shared Megan. You have delivered a bombshell for all women who tend to identify themselves by their hair style and looks. I also have had some pretty nasty experiences and like you cried. But what a revelation and healing to understand why we were affected so, that it had nothing to do with the way we were identified by looking a certain way but by ‘outsourcing our worth’ and not claiming the true beauty within. This is a gem for all women to read.
Thank you Megan for a great blog, opening up an area that I had not considered before. I had an experience many years ago, after moving to a new town and trying to find a good hairdresser. I tried someone who was recommended to me, but did not have my hair cut there, it turned out that the person had a routine of doing a haircut that became a whole morning session, an extremely expensive routine. He would not just do a haircut. So I walked around town looking for an idea and eventually tried a salon within a department store. That was a real disaster, an inexperienced girl who really made a mess of the cut with the added bonus of a cut ear.
This was a many, many years before I met Serge Benhayon and attended Universal Medicine presentations, so of course I did not look into the underlying reasons for this outcome. Much for me here now to consider and reflect on. Thank you again.
Thank you Meagan for sharing this experience. It really goes to show that there is so much to learn and grow from when these situations arise. Especially the ones that illicit such strong reactions and responses. I am learning to pay much more attention to these and I feel I am learning so much about myself and those around me. It feels like I’m just beginning to meet me. A more honest and open me. Thanks for the inspiration.
Hair is such an interesting thing. Everybody has an experience with it because everybody has hair. It is one of those things that makes you feel so beautiful at times or very very blatantly put ‘ugly’. It reflects so much back to us when we look in the mirror and each person has their own story to tell about their hair and their feelings around there hair.
This is a great blog Megan, thank you for sharing your experience as there’s no doubt, many people have had a ‘bad’ hair cut, but you take it a step further to explore what this experience is offering on a deeper level.
It is interesting how hair, like clothes, can be a fixed point outside of the body to get right, that we think will then make everything else (the inner self) feel ok. What I have noticed is, when I feel good within myself, my hair is good too, its secondary to how I feel and it’s not the focus, and you don’t become fixated on getting it just right. Interestingly, the quality of an interaction with others is the impression that is remembered more so than their hair style too. And also, if I have a ‘bad hair day’, I know there is something for me to explore about myself.
I can relate to what you write about identifying myself as a woman with my outer appearance. My body and hair has changed after my pregnancies and it was not that easy for me to embrace the changes. To feel that I am still the same precious woman and accept my body to the depth of the divine particles it is built from is still a work in progress. And after reading your blog, which is a great support, and writing this comment I do feel that I have made great steps in my process 🙂
What a great way to show how easy it is to be identified with how we look and the control this can have over us. I totally agree with your statement “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur”. I find this a much more empowering way to live, rather than being the victim of our circumstances. Thank you Megan
“There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are…” – a great bit of wisdom to apply to any life situation, Megan, and I love how you’ve presented it through the experiences of your hair cuts. I also had a devastating hair experience once a long time ago in my teens, when I asked for a certain cut and the hairdresser went off and did what she wanted instead. The result was that the hair on the sides of my head lumped out over my ears, making me look like a koala bear for a year. People laughed at me and I felt ridiculous. And a lot of anger came up, and obviously I failed to see the potential for healing and the blessing in the opportunity. Now that must be karma!
this stood out for me too, how beautiful to see all these occurrences and incidents for what they are, an offering for us to expose our ideals and beliefs, heal our hurts and make different, more loving and responsible choices. In looking at it from this perspective nothing can ever really be a big issue.
Great blog Megan,
This blog shows me no matter how much ‘we think’ our investments aren’t there anymore doesn’t mean they have gone away.
When push comes to shove when a experience comes along which triggers a nerve, as the example above is a hair cut gone wrong. This forces us to look at the investment we have made. As issues can’t be resolved by out thinking them but must be looked at a much deeper and honest level.
Oh Megan how I relate to this! I recently had my hair cut from long-ish to short. I asked the hairdresser to give me something playful, fun & sexy… and she delivered. After she had finished cutting, it felt amazing… but when I lifted my hands up to feel how short it was… I began to freak out. A flood of ‘old stuff’ came up about how a woman should look and that women were supposed to have long hair and that that is what makes them beautiful. As I let all of that go, I could feel how much I really loved my hair. In fact, I had always loved short hair. As a young girl, I rocked a bob. It felt like it reflected my playfulness. And now as a woman, I love it short also… and like you I feel glad not to be bound by the myths of how women should look. In truth, nothing is more attractive than a woman who knows her true worth.
Hair is a big deal for most people and as you have shown can be symbolic of how we feel about ourselves and our identity in the world. It’s so loaded!
I can totally relate to this “Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.” I’ve done this for everything not just hair – the look or quality of my clothes, my body shape, the way I move, what I’m seen to be eating and more. All of these things have been used to rate my worth. With the support of esoteric women’s health I’m beginning to re-claim that my grandness and beauty comes from within, that is there every day from the moment that I wake.
Thank you Megan. I was particularly touched by your description of the cyclical nature of life, giving us as many opportunities as we need. I am certainly living in this way, with lessons coming up again and again until I can finally say, yes, now I understand. And then at last I can move on, to the next cycle revealing yet even more to be cleared. This, as I have come to know, is the blessing of life itself.
Thank you Megan, I love the phrase ‘outsourcing my worth’. This is a disease that distracts us from the who we truly are. Beautiful to read how you have come back to your natural self, the inevitable return we all must make, to truly heal and become our own reflections of the beauty we absolutely already are.
“There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur”. Thank-you Megan for these great words of wisdom. It’s very true things or similar situations are presented to us many times to give us the opportunity to feel what is truly there to be learnt if we are willing.
Megan your blog is so powerful because it addresses something we all face everyday and that is the challenges we have around attachment and expectation.
‘There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur’
Claiming our beauty from within first loosens the grip we have on how we look yet how we look blossoms and aligns to this inner confidence and emanating sparkle. Thank you for sharing your true beauty Megan.
Kathrynfortuna I agree totally with what you say about claiming our beauty from within loosens the grip that we have on our looks and it is something that I do feel that I am doing more and more and yet……………and yet a little voice asks me how would I feel with no hair and no make up ? Would I still emanate beauty ?
Thank you Megan. I love your practical sharing about how we live in a cyclical and rhythmical world. It is amazing how what we need to learn in life keeps coming around again and again to offer us another opportunity to heal what is not true, supporting us to let go – hence bringing us closer to reconnecting to who we truly are.
Johanna08smith if that simple fact of life was communicated to us as kids then how helpful would that be. If my Mum had said to me ‘watch out darling for anything that presents itself more than once because there is something deeper in it that you need to look at’, perhaps I would not have had to let so many things repeat themselves many times before I got that it was about me.
Thank you Megan for sharing your deeply healing experience. I love this blog and that you have given me an opportunity to really feel how much I am identified with the outer and not living from the quality of essence and beauty that comes from our inner most. It reminded me of when I go out without make up on. What I like to observe in myself is if I can stay really open with people without make up on and do I have an attachment to how I look and present myself? I have gotten to feel how in the past I used make up as a shield and not a celebration of the beauty that is naturally within. This is something I am continuing to unfold – knowing there is nothing I need to do to be beautiful. True beauty comes from our inner connection and I am learning it is me who chooses how much people are allowed to see this quality emanate from me.
Thank you for sharing your experience with hair. I don’t think you are alone in having hair issues! As I was reading I was feeling how in the past cutting women’s hair in public was a form of punishment or shaming. Perhaps we are still carrying on some of that. Then there is all the media representation of what a beautiful woman should look like, that keeps us from feeling the beautiful woman within us. I have linked self worth to my hair in a different (but similar) way. After a haircut related rejection as a young teenager, I refused to grow my hair until a boy liked me just for who I was. Once this was achieved I went back to my long blond hair, which I eventually realised I was using to hide behind. It was something people saw first so they wouldn’t see me. It was very liberating when I decided to cut it and let the world see me.
Megan it is amazing how much we expect our hair to define who we are and if it is not looking exactly as we want it to how much we can let it affect us. I remember when I was in my early teens I would put curlers in to make sure there was not a hair out of place before I went out. This carried on for most of my life (not the curlers, but making sure my hair was a perfect) until about 3 years ago when on holiday I decided I was going to let my hair do exactly what it wanted to do….. I thought it looked a mess but people told me it looked great. I could then feel how controlling I had been with my hair and how this was also reflected in my life, how I wanted things to be perfect and in a certain way. Since then I have not worried about my hair so much, it is not that I don’t care but if I am having a bad hair day i don’t let it affect me like it used to..
Hi Megan, I am extremely protective of my hair also, and let’s face it – you never hear someone say about a hairdresser “they didn’t take enough off”! It’s a great point you make though that our inner beauty and femaleness has nothing to do with our outer looks. When we are radiant from the inside out our features become part of that inner light and beauty.
Hi Megan. Everything in life offers something to us – we choose what that is. Everything is a reflection from within. Thank you for increasing my awareness of that with your insightful blog.
Megan, I so relate to this, I always had my hair short and struggled for years with how to deal with my hair, and went into growing it long to feel more a woman, but of course it didn’t work. As you highlight here, it has to come from in us, otherwise it’s just an outer mask without us in there. And it’s only been in more recent years as I’ve embraced more being a woman and how I express that, that I have found a way to be loving and playful with my hair, and actually that’s because I’ve become more loving and playful with me.
‘out sourcing my worth” what a great way to describe how we don’t value our innate worthiness as women, placing too much emphasis on our external expression rather than the gorgeousness within.
Lovely reading your Blog Megan, we men can get very caught up in our image and how we look too. Getting older has been a part of this for me, not getting the same attention from people that I used to and missing that external confirmation. Through the work of Universal Medicine and feeling my inner beauty the need for the outer recognition is becoming less, and I feel a deep appreciation of myself.
Megan, what a super honest blog and so very relatable. I too have had many ‘hair-cut’ experiences, from the good to the not so good (and including a small handful where I wanted to cry afterwards as well!). The more I am learning about what my expression as ‘me’ truly is, and not what it is to conform to a picture of what I (or others) ‘think’ a woman should be, the more I am able to accept and appreciate how the outside is simply a reflection for the inside, and my hair is simply one aspect of that reflection. I still lots to go in this regard, and I still have bad hairdays, but I’m realising that in these bad hairdays, it’s because I’m not feeling quite myself, and so I find myself looking for external confirmation that I’m o.k. and that means I’m asking my hair (!) to reflect to me something that I don’t feel inside, rather than on the days when I ‘do’ feel my own inner beauty, and then my hair becomes a simple confirmation of that fact.
For a few years I went back to London to work. When I arrived in Victoria Station I would go in the Barber’s shop and ask for a short haircut and take whatever I got. What I wanted was a change, the difference between a good or a bad haircut is only a couple weeks. Of course it is much easier for a man.
Living in a woman’s body is an immensely beautiful thing. Everyday my appreciation grows for the privilege that it is to feel my inner juiciness, sacredness, strength and grace as a women. These qualities are available to all women equally, and men too, but how this expresses from and through our bodies is different, perfectly and beautifully so.
To have all of this available to us, but then at the same time to observe the extent women sell out to the outer ideals of beauty and femininity to define who we are, is simply astonishing. I too have fallen for lots of these ideals in the past, and there are still some that I haven’t quite relinquished my identification with, it’s a work in progress. But now at least, it is so clear to see this phenomenon as the big, fat trick that it is. The longer women are entrapped in this game of ‘outer beauty’ that defines them and saps them of their self-worth, the longer it will be before the world feels and experiences the true power of the woman in all her glory and true beauty.
As I deepen in my connection with myself, my enjoyment grows for how I look on the outside, but nothing compares with the love and lusciousness I feel on the inside.
Thank you Megan for your fun and important blog.
I can so relate Megan and this line popped out at me as a fabulous way to look at it, no denying then, how we give our power away to the mirror or how we give ourselves away to what we perceive others will think when written like this – “Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth!”
I always used to be afraid of a bad haircut so a bit scary to read your horror story! However also gorgeous to get the deeper reading and feel the love that keeps presenting to us the same situation to learn from. It reminds me of a fantastic and fascinating book I am currently reading called “Time, Space and all of us – Book 1 by Serge Benhayon” which reminds us how we are going round in circles and keep getting presented with an opportunity to learn and evolve back to the truth we already know.
Megan, I used to have very long hair and I can so relate. Not with the bad hair cuts but I was totally identified by it, and believed it was the only thing that made me beautiful! Ha ha, I have to laugh at this now as it really is just an outside thing and has absolutely nothing to do with the beauty that shines from deep within no matter what the length of your hair is.
Hi Megan, I used to have very long hair and I can so relate. I was totally identified by it, and believed it was the only thing that made me beautiful! Ha ha, I have to laugh at this now as it really is just an outside thing and has absolutely nothing to do with the beauty that shines from deep within no matter what the length of your hair is.
Wow Megan, I find your story inspirational. As a woman I have never really looked into my attachment to my own looks so deeply. There is much to ponder on here. Thankyou for sharing
‘Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.’ I love this sentence and I can relate to what you are sharing. Hair has been a big thing for me too and I used to be quite anxious about the outcome in the past, but with each hair appointment I have been becoming more assured of myself how I like to wear my hair and I have come to really enjoy my hairdresser days.
The whole appearance thing for women is a fascinating one because although our value or worth cannot be defined by our looks, how we choose to express ourselves through our hair, make-up and clothes is important. Getting the balance right is the trick! Connecting to ourselves and our inner qualities such as beauty, stillness, loveliness first is definitely the liberating way to go, and then letting that come out as a gorgeous reflection to the outside world.
I feel lighter already reading your blog. I have had some ‘issues plaguing me’ and the insights I received from your blog remind me as you so clearly state “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.”. I have some lack of self-worth issues coming up that are here to be healed. Thank you for the reminder that there is a great potential behind every obstacle if we choose to see it. And that our worth is not truly determined by the outer and the choice is really to claim what is deep inside of each and everyone of us.
Megan this is super example of when something goes seemly wrong, that actually it’s the best thing ever! Hard to acknowledge at the time maybe but none-the-less a complete blessing. What a wonderful opportunity and potential for healing as you so beautifully express – thank you for sharing.
I feel what you describe in this blog Megan, is true for many if not most women. Our looks often define us and more often than not we gain our sense of value from them and other people’s responses to them. If we don’t manage to break this ‘outsourcing’ of our value, then the ageing process can help us! As the outer form changes, the face wrinkles, the hair thins or dries, and parts of the body inevitably sag we have to let go of the outer appearance to some degree, and yet we can discover that we still feel the beautiful woman inside, perhaps even more so. So the more that connection is made while you are younger the easier it will be to accept the changes that the body will inevitably go through as you get older.
Beautiful and important point made josephinebe2012, ‘the more that connection is made while you are younger the easier it will be to accept the changes that the body will inevitably go through as you get older’
“growing my hair was then loaded with an unconscious ideal that long hair meant I was feminine” – after reading your blog today I shared a discussion with the hairdresser about this ideal in particular – how so many woman and society hold the belief that by having long hair it is seen as more feminine than short. We both agreed this is not true. I know many amazing, delicate, super sexy and feminine woman with short hair. Through what I have learnt from Universal Medicine and Natalie Benhayon, true sexy and femaleness comes from within. It is a quality, a stillness we live in, walk in, move, speak, cook, work, drive, dress in …. then what is seen and felt on the outside is an emanation a reflection of this.
Hello Megan Cairney and your blog made me laugh and I mean that with respect. I agree to the “nature of the cyclical world that we live in” and in that way to be faced with the similar set of circumstances when you went for a haircut again made me laugh. I know before the support of Universal Medicine I would have passed this off as a coincidence or something similar. Instead and as you did, you look beyond what is physically occurring for the deeper meaning or opportunity. I enjoyed how you went about this and with you being in a “hairdressing family” I am sure you will bring more understanding to people who are in the same situation as you were. It is again confirmed to me that when you ‘live’ something deeply and not just allow the physical part to play out there is always more understanding for yourself and other equally. Universal Medicine is a huge key in all of this, they understand.
Ha ha I love this blog Megan. I had to burst out laughing this morning as I read this on the bus on my way to getting my haircut. No coincidence there. If I am absolutely honest I and a horrendous experience with a hair cut around 3 years ago, I cried, hated it, freaked out and have been growing my hair ever since. I think I have only had it cut once since then. But I have been really feeling a pull to get my hair cut. Initially I thought for a trim, but something last week made me feel no more needs to come off. As soon as I booked an appointment I could feel the joy in getting it cut, it was almost as if I was holding onto stuff in my hair ( not literally). I couldn’t wait to be honest. I just knew I wanted to get it cut short, at least half of it off. When I shared this with people, their first response was no you have such lovely long hair, it looks so good tied up, don’t get it cut short. But I knew myself and in my body what was right and felt true for me. Someone shared with me recently about not justifying myself because of other peoples remarks. And I could feel this was happening here. No judgement to the other person as I knew they were appreciating my hair, but I chose to listen to myself and what I could so clearly feel in my body. Even when I went to the hairdresser today, I knew exactly right from the start the length I wanted – even though they didn’t want to cut it that short straight away, in the end I just shared nope take more off – and I absolutely love it and feel amazing – why? not because of my hair but because I listened to myself and my body. My hair was simple a great confirmation.
Oh Megan, I can so relate to the lessons learned from a “bad” haircut – well that’s after I had gone through the drama and the trauma first, while willing my hair to grow faster! Not only with any less than perfect haircut and the many other challenges we face on a daily basis, I like you have learned that: “There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.” These days I relish these opportunities because I have learned, sometimes the hard way, that I am actually being presented with a choice, that if trusted, may just change my life.
Thank you Megan for sharing so honestly. It is so easy to identify who we are by the way we look and our hair is part of that ideal and belief we have. This is making me ponder on my feelings and investment in my hair and other external treatments I have on my body! Are they are a reflection of how I truly feel about me from the inside out or conversely does how I look on the outside influence how I feel about me on the inside.
Great reflection of how the outer can overpower us if we are not truly claimed as the amazing women we are. I love how you say that you “had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.”
The way I feel with myself, like how much I honour and love myself is very much related to how much I like my hair or not. So bad hair days for me are a sign that I have neglected myself and need to give myself some tender love and care and that includes to allow my stuff to come up and to let it go and to get help if I need it.
What I have always seen when I look into a woman’s eyes is that of a deep femaleness in their hearts. A sacredness that is always their with them. Their hair length means nothing but just an expression of that and I have seen many woman with short hair claiming the deep sacredness and the haircut looks and feels very magnificent and very sexy.
Interestingly, I chose to read this blog having just received some news that I had missed out on an opportunity. I was feeling disappointed, and also a bit down on myself because it was my delay that had contributed to me missing out, and this despite me having received clear messages through the magic of nature that the gifts that we are offered are to be taken at that time. Your blog Megan reminds me that the opportunity to choose not to delay, and to say ‘yes’ to that which is felt to be true as and when it arises will come around again. As you say, we live cyclically. And delay, well just allows time for doubt.
Hi Megan, I can relate to your story. I recently had a haircut and it was much shorter than i expected. I was almost childlike in my sulking after the cut. Even though it was a brilliant cut and colour. I noticed a whole lot of thoughts such as short hair is for old ladies, it looks masculine. I actually heaps heaps of positive comments and feedback from people about my hair which really surprised me. I was struggling to see how good it looked because I was attached to how it needed to I had to stop and ask why my reaction was so strong what was I attached to, how clearly did I communicate what I wanted, I was surprised how attached i was to my hair.In the end I appreciated the experience for what it was a great chance to see patterns that I was attached to.
Thank you Megan, I love the deeper reflection you made between your hair and looks and how you see yourself as a woman. I so related to everything you shared, as I’m sure so many women will. I have cried over bad haircuts quite a few times and my self worth would take a beating.
I was thinking about this recently, how for many years for me to feel aesthetically beautiful or confident as a woman I would need to have my hear straightened when it came to an important event or even as a bonus to feeling good at work. As I’ve connected more to who I am as a woman, a lot of that has dropped away and I really enjoy now doing my own hair and expressing the beauty from inside more. And if I now get my hair straightened, it is because I feel to and not from a reaction of seeing myself as less than or needing to be fixed.
Megan this is beautiful – I love how you have come to see so clearly the attachments that are so inbuilt in women about how we look to the outside world, rather than being taught from young about the focus of remaining with our inner beauty first and foremost. Trusting yourself to stop and feel this, is the true healing your gorgeous hair (short or long!) has brought you.
“Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears”.
Thank you!
Beautiful Megan what a learning on so many levels you share and the opportunities to truly look at what is going on. In the world today we are brought up and encouraged to lookout side ourselves for everything when the real meaning and wisdom of life is deep inside us waiting to be connected to always. I love your sharing that ‘There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face; if we trust ourselves enough to feel and see them for the true blessings they are, amazing changes can occur.’Thank you
Wow Megan, this blew my socks off! I could feel reading it how much I have identified with my outer appearance as a woman. This blog gave me the opportunity to sit and feel my feminine quality – which certainly isn’t my hair, or the clothes I am wearing. This has been amazing and ground-breaking to feel, so thank you.
Megan I to have had bad hair cuts, bad perms, bad colours and yes I to have shed tears. A few months ago I read Rachel Hall’s blog on her hair experiences. From this blog I began to reconnect with my hair. Shortly after that I went to the hairdressers and got my hair cut. I expressed what I wanted and I got exactly that. The cut looked amazing. I got so many compliments and the next time I visited my hairdresser she expressed she loved my cut so much that she herself got her hair styled the same way.
It is amazing how much we invest in things that are outside of our control. As a man, I found it hard to relate to the topic of a haircut, but what I relate to very strongly is the sense of failure at not having met some outward expectation of what you should be. There is very little in life that confirms that we are OK just as we are, and even less that confirms that we are actually magnificent just the way we are. So.. in short, if we do not claim this fact for ourself, then we are truly lost, for there is no olive branch to bring us back. I commend you on your honesty Megan. Thank you.
Fantastic blog Megan! I think all women can relate to this on some level. Our hair is most certainly part of our expression, yet we have become so wrapped up in it being part of our exterior facade that it has become a measure of our perceived versions of beauty and worth. I saw through this at one point in my life and rebelled against the ideals of beauty and warped glamourised versions of femininity and shaved my head! Much to the horror of those around me. One friend was so horrified she asked me, ‘how are you going to go pick your son up from school?’ – like I was debilitated because I had no hair. She was embarrassed for me and thought that I wouldn’t be able to go out in public. At the time I was horrified and hurt at her reaction because I knew that the hair was just all superficial and it was going to grow back. I hadn’t changed. Couldn’t she just see me for me? Now, all these years later, I wonder if subconsciously I set the whole thing up…knowing full well that this would be the types of reaction I would get and what better way to confirm to myself that people don’t love me for me and that they don’t see me for who I am.
These days, I don’t need to make such statements. As you say Megan, I was certainly ‘outsourcing’ my worth and also finding new and inventive ways to confirm to myself that I didn’t have any in the first place or that life pretty much guarantees that it’s not readily available. Such a massive lie when the truth is that my worth can only come from within me, from me knowing who I am and from me learning to love myself form the inside out. To be honest my relationship with my hair has always been a bit touchy…but as my relationship with myself and my true understanding of femininity has evolved, my hair is becoming less and less of an issue or reaction and more and more part of how I express myself as a woman. And I love this.
This was beautiful to read Sara – I love how you asked the question about shaving your head being a possible set up to confirm that people didn’t love you for ‘you’. It is really interesting because I feel I often set things up this way. Your sharing reminds me to be on the lookout for the many set ups I unwittingly create.
Writing this comment reminded me of the same thing Leonne. There are so many set-ups that we actually create to confirm everything about ourselves that is not true. And conversely there are countless opportunities every day for us to confirm the truth of who we are, yet how many of these do we let slip by?
Megan, the last sentence is absolute gold, beautiful.
This reminded me of the many many times things have ‘come around again’ for me to have another go at dealing with … that whole Groundhog day movie theme is pretty close to the truth when we start to clock the recurrence of things!
Great blog Megan; I loved your honesty in stating: “Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth!”
What you have pointed out here – that when we don’t learn something the first time, it will come around again and again until we get it – is something that I have felt also. It seems so obvious now, that Earth school that we all attend, is a place where we have the opportunity to make our learning as simple or as difficult as possible.
It’s interesting how the things that we don’t deal with in full come around again Megan in another situation so that we have another opportunity to feel what is there and to heal it. I used to experience a particular situation in my workplaces until I realised that I had to look at my investments and reactions to people who behaved in a certain way, until in one job, I really got what it was about and nailed it!
great Learning Megan, and thanks for sharing. I know the feelings that you are talking about when you get a haircut you aren’t happy with, and you have nailed it when you said that the reason we get upset is because it is like a part of us has been “chopped off”. Investing in our outer appearance is what causes this, but accepting the inner glow and sparkle is the best way to look great on the outside as well.
There is a potential for healing in every obstacle we face, very true. And like you say, the obstacle just keeps coming back, sometimes in a different expression, so we can learn and grow from it.
”There is meaning and the potential to heal behind every obstacle we face.” As I connect to myself more and continue to make self-loving choices in my day, the more this sentence is true. Where once upon a time there was an uncertainty as to whether I could overcome that which lay ahead, I know now, that without a shadow of a doubt there is potential to heal Every obstacle that comes my way.
Great awareness to have come to Megan. There have been 2 distinct occasions in my life where I have had very long hair and had it all cut off to a very short style. Both times I could feel that there was a very stagnant, heaviness in my hair – basically that I had loaded it up with ideals and beliefs of what it is to look like a woman and the recognition having long curly hair gave me. Having it cut off was like clearing a load from my body but what I realised was that after the first time I didn’t make any changes to my life so the weight was able to build up again. The second time it was cut off, I was able to bring that awareness to the hairdresser’s chair so now, as it is becoming long again (after a couple of years of a shorter style), I am not invested in my hair giving me anything. Now it is more simply an expression of the woman I am inside. This is work in progress for sure but just writing this comment has given me the opportunity to really feel how far I have come and to appreciate myself for the changes I have made – possible because of the unwavering support and incredible reflections offered to me by Universal Medicine practitioners.
I have been at the mercy of what I call ‘lookism’ for most of my life, up until recently. It is a ‘dis-ease’ women have especially. We place so much importance on how we look instead of connecting to, deeply appreciating and allowing ourselves to express how we feel inside. Since focusing on the latter when I look in the mirror at myself I see absolute beauty reflecting back to me.
I love your comment Mary-Louise, it is so true for me also as “connecting to, deeply appreciating and allowing ourselves to express how we feel inside” is in fact the way to see our own beauty.
I agree with you Mary Louise. We are not taught from young to simply appreciate the inner beauty we posses, and because we don’t we start to fixate on the outer look and make comparisons with others. When I am focussed on my lovely inner quality all I see in the mirror is that looking back at me. I love meeting new children as for me it is an utter joy to see their gorgeousness. It is a tragedy when they can lose touch with it.
I would be confident in saying that the vast majority of women on the planet suffer from this disease ‘Lookism’! Looking at myself in the mirror these days, is a vastly different experience for me too marylouisemyers. My entire relationship with my body has transformed through me connecting with my inner-most qualities…this is an ongoing daily and momentary deepening that I so treasure.
Megan,
This sentence spoke volumes to me. ‘Basically, I had been outsourcing my worth! I wasn’t owning my femininity and claiming it in full as something that is always inherently within me, regardless of how the outer shell appears.’ Recently I have felt deeply my femininity with in and this sentence supports me greatly as I too claim it. The depth of love and understanding that I feel with in as I accept my femininity, my delicatessens and presciousness is too beautiful for words. All I can say is that as I connect to it and choose to stay with it, I simply feel a strength and confidence like I have never felt before. Your bad hair days have not only supported you, but all who have the honour of reading this article.
Wow Megan this is an awesome blog. It is so true, it is in the tiniest things that present to us as women that we over look and your expression about your hair rings true for so many of us. We surely all have been trying to live up to some kind of image instead of just being the love that glows and grows from the inside and not on our heads.Thank you for your wisdom it has and it will hit a cord with many women.