Recently I reviewed a couple of news stories that were both about suicide. I remember in my own life being haunted by a desire to not live, although I never actually attempted suicide myself. There were friends in school who resorted to self-harm with cutting and another who was recently admitted to hospital as a result of a suicide attempt. In these instances no-one reached out to talk about the way they were feeling and, as I reflect back, I didn’t reach out either.
One newspaper article(1) reported that the Australia Bureau of Statistics’ Causes of Death Report(2) showed that suicide increased 8% over five years and claimed the lives of 2520 Australians in 2013 alone.
This report also found that:
- Suicide was the leading cause of death of Australian children aged between 5 and 17
- In 2009 death by suicide accounted for 9.9% of children’s deaths, which escalated in 2013 to 19.3%
- Suicide was also the leading killer of Australians aged between 15 and 44
- Men aged 85 and over had the highest death rate by suicide, followed by those aged between 40 and 44
Suicidal Thoughts
Suicidal thoughts first began for me and escalated with intensity in my teenage years. I had lived with the daily threat of abuse as a child but these dark thoughts were triggered at age 15 when I was raped and sexually assaulted by someone I knew and trusted.
From this point on I felt an incredible inner pain and longed for my life to end. I didn’t understand the world around me for I had found the behaviour of people I had trusted to be insensitive, cruel and heartless. It was like a dark cloud was following me around and the intensity of these feelings increased as I turned to alcohol, drugs and inner-abuse with destructive self-talk about my appearance, intelligence and value in the world.
There were moments where I did feel amazing, but when I stepped up and expressed this I felt set upon by those around me and soon I gave up on shining my light at all. It was safer for me to hide in my sadness and go unnoticed, or so I thought.
In order to relieve myself of this intense sadness I would visit counsellors from time to time over a 15 year period, and whilst I appreciated the love and care they each showed me, I found that there was no true healing as a result of these appointments. The hopelessness and despair accentuated even further as I concluded that it was just me and that I was too broken.
It didn’t matter what I did or what I achieved in life, underneath all the vices and techniques I used to avoid the emptiness and pain, that familiar feeling continued to resurface – I just didn’t want to be in the world.
Life Needed to Change – and It Did!
When I was at the peak of an emotional crisis and had almost completely given up on living, a friend happened to come to my house to see me. She had just been to a psychologist and was in awe of what had been presented to her. When she described certain things to me about what was said at her appointment, I knew that I needed to speak to this particular psychologist as a final attempt to find relief from my inner pain. I remember saying in the first session that this was the last thing I was going to try and whilst I never expanded on this comment, I knew what I was meaning at the time.
With great wonderment, the session ignited something within. The psychologist understood what I was saying and her response made sense. At the same time, I started to attend regular sessions and after a few months began to attend presentations of the Ageless Wisdom Teachings as presented by Serge Benhayon.
Whilst I would typically attend the session or presentation feeling racy and anxious, I always left feeling connected to the solidness of my real self, although perhaps a little fragile at times.
Coming to this particular psychologist provided something that had been missing from other counselling sessions, because up until that point, and despite all the counsellors I had seen, I had still felt that life was dark and that I was living a life of despair, and that feeling of helplessness had been debilitating.
The psychologist introduced me to self-care, which I thought was simply activities such as having a shower, cleaning my teeth and wearing shoes. I thought I had a handle on self-care, but I was wrong. True self-care involved embracing a deeply loving and nurturing quality in all my movements and activities throughout the day. It meant being aware of my body, ensuring I was gentle when I typed on the computer, or in the way I poured hot water for my tea, tender as I engaged with another, or as I lay myself to rest.
The psychologist encouraged me to treat myself like I was 3 years old again – delicate, precious, gentle and tender. This was a major shift and quite exposing for me to do at the time because it showed how demanding, self-critiquing, hard, shut down and cruel I was on myself and on my body. Yet, with incredible commitment, I continued day after day, introducing this gentle approach in all activities, a practice that I am refining even today.
I became more aware and understanding about what was happening in my life, and felt the unwavering support and encouragement from the psychologist, together with the support of regular esoteric healing sessions that allowed me to take the very small but necessary steps to re-enter the world.
It took about three years for me to feel love for myself. The moment was memorable. One lunch break at work I decided to go for a walk and there it was – the feeling of LOVE inside my body. This memorable experience came as a wonderful surprise, for the emotional heaviness that had been slowly dissipating over the previous few years had gone, leaving me to feel the loveliness of my true self.
I knew at this point I was back in the world, feeling love for myself, love for others, feeling so much lighter and living in a way that was honouring of my needs.
Perhaps the biggest hurdle, however, was coming to the understanding that although the actions and abuse from others may have felt cruel and loveless, what hurt me so much more was becoming trapped in a cycle of self-abuse for which I was actually responsible.
I had given up on myself, believing I was unworthy of love, and made myself insignificant for over 20 years. So much time was spent obsessing and hanging on to my hurts, instead of nurturing and caring for myself deeply, and allowing myself the chance to just let go and shine.
Nowadays if I feel hurt by something that has happened in my life, I allow myself time to feel the fragility that is in my body and I nurture myself with tenderness instead of abusing myself.
By allowing this fragility I give myself the chance to return more easily to an inner strength and sense of wellbeing, enabling me to come back to myself more easily.
The path to love and joy came from the simple act of introducing true self-care and self-love into my life, and what I discovered was how much I really do matter. I am no longer haunted by the desire to not live, but feeling a newfound commitment to fully embrace what life has to offer, including its twists and turns.
By reclaiming my life and returning to my true self, I am able to feel the many beautiful moments that present each day that confirm to me that we are all from love and that there can be joy in life.
There are no words to express the depth of my gratitude and appreciation to my psychologist, and also the many esoteric practitioners, Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and, of course, my wonderful friends and family for expressing their incredible love, tenderness, understanding and support during this challenging and yet amazing period of my life.
By MAS
References:
- Moody, S. 2015, “Suicide crisis: The simple messages that can save a life”, Northern Star, Lismore. 6th April, 2015. www.northernstar.com.au/news/experts-mental-health-funding-needed-suicide-rise/2597132/
- Australia Bureau of Statistics. 0 – Causes of Death, Australia, 2013. www.abs.gov.au/ausstats/abs@.nsf/mf/3303.0/
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, please call:
Australia:
Lifeline 13 11 14 – MensLine 1300 789 978 – BeyondBlue 1300 224 636
United Kingdom:
Samaritans 116 123 – Sane 0845 767 8000 (daily 6 pm – 11 pm)
In other countries:
Please contact your local mental health services or helplines.
Further Reading:
– From A False Foundation of Abuse to a True Foundation of Self-Love
– Understanding Psychological Wellbeing From An Esoteric Perspective
– Life after Family Violence and Abuse: Learning to Love Myself
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
After seeing my father die when I was 9 and the misery I went through suicidal thoughts never had an opportunity as Life was cherished. Now adding the Ageless Wisdom teachings as presented by Serge Benhayon life is cherished to the maximum as True Love 💓 will always deepen the appreciation we have with our God given body through being Soul-fully connected.
What has been raised here is a concern in the state of affairs the world is at. Suicide has no doubt increased since this blog was written. Why has this rate increased, and if anything we need to be knowing in particular why men are suiciding?
Is there a possibility that around the world most humans are not being allowed to be their true selves, and in that state of being, we have lost ourselves. This yearning leaves us empty and very few people actually understand us because most probably are in their dilemma too.
Well thank God for Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and Esoteric practitioners. It is from this that many have turned their lives around, not over night either. For me personally my life looks so much different to how it used to be, I’ve finally become more and more acquainted to me and myself and in that knowing of who I am, I take that for the world to see. This reflection is an opportunity for others, whether they take it or not is the choice they have too. The world is a different place, how are we viewing it?
It’s when we believe we are alone that extreme measures are an option. Once we can feel a connection, with another or ourselves then things can start to heal.
Feeling alone is purposefully fed to us for that exact reason, to keep us disconnected from others. When we are connected to ourselves, those thoughts don’t have power Can you fathom, if we were in that state of connection, how the world will then be? WOW!
Once we have this understanding, we then have a choice to do something about it, ‘the biggest hurdle, however, was coming to the understanding that although the actions and abuse from others may have felt cruel and loveless, what hurt me so much more was becoming trapped in a cycle of self-abuse for which I was actually responsible.’
What you have shared to me feels like a miracle actually; to be in such a depth of despair to then manage with support to bring yourself out into the daylight again and see that life is very much worth living. When we allow those negative thoughts in it is extremely difficult to stop them as they take hold and we don’t seem to realise that our bodies become configured in a way so that not only are our thought polluted but the whole body as well so we move in the despair which compounds the negative thoughts. It’s a vicious circle.
A very heartfelt sharing MAS – this blog shows that things can indeed be turned around – with the willingness to do so but also with true support from around. Our well-being as individuals and as a community and society is a collective responsibility.
What we do and achieve on the outside is not necessarily reflective of true joy and harmony that can be found on the inside. Appearances can be misleading and this happens when we do not tune into the quality of energy that we have chosen to do the things we do on the outside. Hence without paying attention to the quality of energy, we can then be shocked by someone taking their life – rather than realising that on some level we knew of the emptiness that they were feeling.
Suicide is a means for some to call out for help – but these people have not felt that they can express things in another way. Where have we come to as a society if the pressures are so great and the expression so stunted that we choose to take a life rather than speak up and call out for support? This is a collective responsibility.
The statistics you present are horrific MAS and shows me that there is seriously something amiss in the way we are living, that people are in such a dark place of despair that they feel this is the only way to stop the pain and misery they are feeling. You are showing the world that by understanding that you have a responsibility towards yourself that you are not a victim you have been able to rebuild your life and engage back into the world and by writing this blog you offer support to others to find their way back too.
“I had given up on myself, believing I was unworthy of love, and made myself insignificant for over 20 years. So much time was spent obsessing and hanging on to my hurts, instead of nurturing and caring for myself deeply, and allowing myself the chance to just let go and shine.” This paragraph could relate to much of the human race, we feel so ill equipped to deal with the abuses and traumas we experience, yet the way out is so simple, by self care and treating ourselves with the gentleness and preciousness we would a young child. It’s a wake up call reading your blog again as I can see where I am still preoccupied with hurts and not committing to taking more responsibility with my own self care and self love.
Melinda you raise a valid point that we are preoccupied with the hurts that we carry around which give rise to the feelings of worthlessness and these feelings just seem to drag people down into a pit of self loathing that can then be very hard to get out of.
How beautiful to welcome yourself back to the love of who you are.
These statistics are shocking to say the least and should be setting off alarm bells throughout communities. Thank you MAS for beginning this conversation and highlighting this important subject, as it supports and inspires others who may be struggling as well to feel there is another way to live.
Statistics are good to have a look at for they can be very confronting indeed. When numbers are placed in front of us we cannot deny them.
“So much time was spent obsessing and hanging on to my hurts, instead of nurturing and caring for myself deeply, and allowing myself the chance to just let go and shine”. I am really coming to see how debilitating our hurts are. When we hang onto and nurture them, we refuse to be the amazing beings we are. We each have our own timing in dealing with them, but to just know that they are our greatest enemy in life opens up the possibility to heal them.
Yes, it is important to choose to heal our hurts and let them go, otherwise they can take over and contribute to feelings of worthlessness.
Being able to feel one loves oneself is true healing.
This is such a great sharing of how we can resurrect ourselves with true care and support, thank you so much for sharing your inspiring story, it shows that we always matter and we’re always worth caring for.
Thank you MAS for your honesty. So many people live with thoughts of killing themselves so to have someone present that there is a way to get out of this is truly supportive for so many people. Thank you once again.
Spot on Elizabeth – deeply inspiring for someone who has been rock bottom to turn things around and be the role model to show that it indeed can be done and in a loving way without rah rah or drive, but simply with a re-igniting of ones own love within.
It is inspiring, the level of honesty and transparency that MAS shared on this subject in this blog.
Although I was never at the level of despair that you share MAS I can, however, relate to your feeling that nothing or no one could satisfy or resolve the feeling of something ‘not right” with me and so I came to point of just accepting that I had to just live with that. So it was a total shock and surprise when I felt and was offered something different by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. I now know and feel that there is nothing wrong with me, in fact the complete opposite – what a joy.
Longing for one’s own life to end is a clear sign that we have come to be ultra fixated on a point in which we feel there are no alternatives. The possibility to end life as I came to know it is not even an option. The attraction of that point is paramount. Our movements help us not to move away from it.
Only this morning I read a news story about a young man attacking random strangers with a knife because he had believed he was completely worthless. Although not necessarily acting it out in such extreme manners, so many of us seem to be existing with a sense of lack/absence of self-worth when in fact it is all about being disconnected with who we truly are and getting trapped in hurt. What Universal Medicine offers is exactly what humanity needs.
Absolutely, what Serge Benhayon shares is so needed for all of humanity.
It is easy and somewhat understandable to say that the world has hurt us and is a harsh place to be and there is a truth in this but when we start really looking at how we are with ourselves we realise that in fact we are perhaps far more abusive to ourselves than the world is and that this is what hurts us most of all. This is huge because we can actually do something about it!
Thanks for your comment Andrew, I agree, we can spend our whole lives isolating certain hurtful experiences and focusing on them, and because our focus is not on ourselves we may not see our own self abuse, and that the key to a joyful life comes from living our own self love.
Yes and I have found the more deeply I hold myself and take tender care of myself and understand who I am the less hurt I feel from other’s actions and reactions!
This is a powerful awareness to come to MAS ‘what hurt me so much more was becoming trapped in a cycle of self-abuse for which I was actually responsible.’ So true, the hurt we feel from being self-abusive can feel far greater than how others have harmed us.
These statistics are shocking! Including men over the age of 85 who have lived their whole life only to then take it in their elder years. This alone tells us there is something deeply wrong in how we are living it should never be like this. And it makes me wonder if we as humanity understood more about the truth in life in that it does not end with our one life but is in fact a continuous cycle (in other words we come back to what we have not healed) maybe we would no longer look to suicide for a way out or as an option. There were a few times in my life when I was younger where I felt I no longer wanted to be here and I felt I did not have anyone in my life I could talk to about this who would truly get me or meet me and I feel this is our downfall where we are not truly giving ourselves the space to truly re-connect to us or to unpack what does not feel right and also not giving the time or space to truly meet and connect with others even if it was on a street with someone who is homeless, on a train or with a neighbour many of us tend to just walk on by in our ‘busy’ lives. We have so much to learn, heal and change here.
Our suicide stats are scary and should be waking us all up to the fact that people are feeling lonely and disconnected from each other. Committing to addressing the root cause of this major societal issue is vital for the health of our society – we are losing too many people to the ripple effect of its despair in both those that suicide and those that it leaves behind.
And as a massive reflection of what is still happening in the world… Suicide rates in so many societies and professions are escalating… It’s like this is the ultimate reflection that something is truly not working.
“and there it was – the feeling of LOVE inside my body.” A magic moment that is there for us all when we connect to the Love of the inner-heart.
When you carry a deep hurt in you, you tend to fly under the radar because ‘it is safer’. But this cuts both ways: it might help you to avoid this happening to you again… may be, but it also guarantees that the issue is safely stored within you and stays there affecting you in every way. In truth, the best way to go about a deep hurt is to heal it and from there to move in your magnificence. If you deeply renounce what is there to be renounced, the healing will take place and you will not be touched by it again.
The question that arises for me tonight is ‘we’re you seeking to end it all, or was there a deeper seeking to understand that was at the core of your being? For understanding is what came to you. Does this not offer us an insight into our lives and the reality in which we find ourselves? Could it be that each experience is bought to us to give us an opportunity to understand? That it is our choice then as to whether we do understand and evolve, or remain locked in our heads, and seek instead to escape.
MAS this is totally inspirational for many. When darkness has taken it’s hold it can feel like there is no end. Hearing stories like yours allows light to start to flood in.
What is shared in this article shows us so innately just how it is but our own thoughts and beliefs that take us to the point of depression and suicide. Often there will be a trigger, but that alone holds no power, unless we give it power with our own self destructive thoughts.
Yes, it does hurt when we accept and recognise that we abuse ourselves, bringing tenderness, care, honouring and love consistently to ourselves helps to break this pattern of behaviour.
‘By allowing this fragility I give myself the chance to return more easily to an inner strength and sense of wellbeing, enabling me to come back to myself more easily.’ Wow MAS this shows how far you have come, allowing yourself to feel fragile is the opposite of the hard and critical shut down person.
Amazing transformation, and it all starts with how we are with ourselves, ‘ The path to love and joy came from the simple act of introducing true self-care and self-love into my life, and what I discovered was how much I really do matter.’ Gorgeous.
Absolutely incredible MAS. Suicide leaves much pain and anguish in it’s wake and it’s completely unnecessary as it solves nothing. The only way to escape the pain we feel is through a commitment to being the love that we are
Thank you for sharing MAS about what you were offered with the psychologist who introduced you to self care and the difference it made, ‘ True self-care involved embracing a deeply loving and nurturing quality in all my movements and activities throughout the day. It meant being aware of my body, ensuring I was gentle when I typed on the computer, or in the way I poured hot water for my tea, tender as I engaged with another, or as I lay myself to rest.’
What great advice and wisdom you offer here MAS – that when we feel hurt by something to actually not harden or go into self-abusive behaviours but to really honour our fragility and delicateness and sensitivity.
MAS I agree that however horrible others have been towards us, what hurts the most is when we disregard and are unkind towards ourselves.
Very true Debra. I have found that abuse is a contract I say yes to. If I abuse myself it allows others to abuse me and I get affected. If I love myself others may attack in jealousy but I am not affected so much if I read it for what it is.
To have a life of abuse and to then come out of a dark place and seek true healing is very inspiring. Being consumed and controlled by emotions is exhausting, and the introduction of a simple approach of self care, to the things we do every day like folding towels, showering, walking etc are a momentous start to true healing. We know its not natural behaviour to be lying in a bed unwilling to engage with the world, to be unwilling to work, and be so lost in our own thoughts – and these ways you have shared are very empowering and free of judgement because they bring it back to something any human being can relate to.
“By reclaiming my life and returning to my true self, I am able to feel the many beautiful moments that present each day that confirm to me that we are all from love and that there can be joy in life..” This is beautiful MAS – what a way you have come, as have many students of The Way of the Livingness.
“True self-care involved embracing a deeply loving and nurturing quality in all my movements and activities throughout the day. It meant being aware of my body, ensuring I was gentle ….” Giving this quality of love and care to ourselves not only supports our own body – and life – but then reflects out to others that different choices are possible for them too.
MAS that was so gorgeous to feel you reawaken to to all the love that you are. It ignited a deep appreciation within me for the love I have rediscovered. It’s a great sharing to show that we are always love within and that it is our experiences that have clouded the love we all hold. And that the only way back to this love is our own steps and responsibility.
I have found myself back here, reading your blog and wanting to get a deeper understanding of the reasons why suicide is considered an answer and once again I can see the theme in everything I am reading. There is a feeling of not being able to deal with the hurt, of self-imposed isolation but not consciously so, there is a harshness and a constant self-critique. The support you were offered is so different but I really love the approach because it gave you the power to turn your life around and that is something that is with you 24 hours a day and in your darkest moments.
The depth of despair is palpable in your writing – but you turned the corner and changed your life, you took responsibility and realised that the biggest hurt and deepest pain are about what we do to ourselves and let happen without speaking up. It’s the complicity that cuts the deepest.
“Nowadays if I feel hurt by something that has happened in my life, I allow myself time to feel the fragility that is in my body and I nurture myself with tenderness instead of abusing myself.”
The simple truth is we have choice in how we treat ourselves and others and this sentence is the essence of understanding which is the first point of call in accepting ourselves and life the way it is today.
“True self-care involved embracing a deeply loving and nurturing quality in all my movements and activities throughout the day.” Self-care is worth discovering for the deeper layers of how we do what we do, it is not for show, it is a relationship we have with ourselves and is with us in every moment. Yet what transpires from that level of attention to detail has a ripple effect that is felt in areas we have not consciously tried to affect. An experiment I now see is an opportuity to share with others we can be the change we want to see in the world, an enormous support to the many who, like you, have considered suicide as the only way out of the pain.
I wonder if this awareness will be more widely accepted in trauma counselling? The world has amped up mans inhumanity to man and I am struck by two points there, there has to be one to be abusive to another, so are we all on the receiving end or could we have a responsibility to revisit and question much of our behaviour? The second point is, if we don’t support those who have been on the receiving end of this trauma, then there would be a large proportion of our society nursing these wounds, the consequence of which is evident from your blog.
What a gift for all of us, “By allowing this fragility I give myself the chance to return more easily to an inner strength and sense of wellbeing, enabling me to come back to myself more easily.” This fragility is an enormous strength and offers the opportunity to heal so much that has been taking us in a self-negating cycle holding us back from engaging with ourselves, others and the world.
Well said Lucy for generally being fragile is seen as a weakness, of being less than what we should be, yet the irony is that when we do that we are rejecting ourselves as fragility is our true nature.
I love that you noticed the moment where you felt love for yourself.
To me, the main issue with mainstream counselling is that they focus on a problem, on what is seemingly wrong with the patient, which only confirms that something is wrong for them. Where as, any conversation you have with Serge Benhayon or other Universal Medicine practitioners is very confirming of who you are as a being in essence first, and in that purity of being met, there is space to feel that there is nothing wrong, only things in the way of being who you are.
Thank you MAS for the reminder again today that self care – a nurturing quality in all of our movements – can be the foundation for everything else – our relationships, and anything that we might do.
The numbers you share here are just shocking. If we think of a suicide as an extreme display of not wanting to be – not wanting to be at school/work/in the world etc. and/or simply being oneself – a form of withdrawing from life, non-commitment, I am not sure if we have many people left unscathed by that energy.
‘True self-care involved embracing a deeply loving and nurturing quality in all my movements and activities throughout the day.’ For me this is the key that opened the door on true self-care rather than seeing nurturing as a tick box exercise. Being willing to feel what my body is asking for at any given moment is a whole new level of responsibility which I can still choose to ignore and revert to old patterns. The simplicity of knowing that I can return to myself just by the choice of my next movement is deeply healing.
This is a truly inspirational turnaround and deserves to be widely read because as the shocking statistics about suicide indicate being haunted by a desire to not be alive is alarmingly widespread in society today. The commitment you have shown to yourself and the acceptance of where you were and the steps necessary to bring about deep self-healing with appropriate support are a blueprint for how we can reach out to the many who are still suffering.
The support of Esoteric Healing including counselling from an accredited Esoteric Practitioner is without a doubt exceptional. It can make issues that seem insurmountable or even impossible able to be faced in the clear light of day.
I love the process you dedicated yourself to, to step by step introduce self-care to your daily life and make it a rhythm that strengthens you with every step you take. It takes dedication and love to bring us out from the deeply ingrained behaviours that we have adapted. There is no miracle pill but loving care applied every day will let us choose this loving care more naturally.
“Nowadays if I feel hurt by something that has happened in my life, I allow myself time to feel the fragility that is in my body and I nurture myself with tenderness instead of abusing myself.” This is so beautiful to read MAS. I have spent so much of my life not wanting to feel the hurt – which only returns to bite me on the bum. Dealing with it at the time – feeling the vulnerability – enables me to move on through the hurt and come out the other side. Just recently I have so many opportunities to put this into practices as it seems that old patterns are re-presenting themselves to enable me to now fully heal them.
Thank you for sharing MAS. It is so interesting how when we have been abused in any way our first port of call is to add to that abuse ourselves. We meet abuse with abuse and this just perpetrates the cycle until we break that cycle by making the moves towards loving and caring for ourselves in the way that we truly deserve to be loved and this changes everything. There is definitely a science in this.
It is tremendous what you are pointing out here Kathleen. We are so used to meeting that what comes towards us with the same quality, like an eye for an eye, but what we need to understand is that we can change the quality and only by changing the quality can we bring true change. And the most beautiful thing is that we do not need anyone for it but can all start with ourselves.
I too shut down my light because I allowed the reactions from others to affect me. I felt that when another reacted to me it was always their fault and so I would create dramas and issues instead of observing and reading the situation. As I step up and express and take responsibility for what is being asked of me the easier it is getting. I have seen and felt the reactions time and time again from others but I am choosing to observe and not allow them to get a hold like they used to. It is so liberating when I express that which not so long ago I would have held back.
This is a great lesson in recognizing that it is not the outside world that crushes us regardless of the cruelty endured… but rather the cycle of self abuse we choose to embrace. The power of it’s opposite – self love, cannot be underestimated in it’s ability to heal anything that has come before… and although it may take a while to embody… it is absolutely worth the love that we eventually feel within…. no matter how long it takes.
These statistics speak for themselves, it’s quite shocking how many suicides take place. Beautiful to read how you found a psychologist who was able to introduce you back to your true connection.
Such a powerful blog MAS, very compelling and inspiring. The strength you show and resilience to be prepared to start the healing process once the opportunity arose is amazing.
MAS I find all of your writing so honest and authentic, as well as very inspirational. You communicate with truth the way abuse affects human beings and the practicalities of self care and what Universal Medicine offers, and how truly healing this is. Universal Medicine offers a whole new foundation for psychology and mental health services, as it’s about returning to and living from the amazing love we each naturally are, not just arresting the intruding beliefs and emotions.
How many people on this earth today think it is safer to hide in or bury their sadness and try and go unnoticed all the time haunted by a dark cloud of despair and unresolved hurt that follows and hovers over all that they do. How many more are caught up in the mentality that they are too broken to fix. There is nothing that we cannot heal and all it takes to initiate anyone on the pathway to healing is to have one person ignite them so they know there is another way.
We can be so despaired living our life and not seeing any way out but as you describe here there is a way out of this mess and it starts with ourselves by step by step learning to self-love and self-care. It is simple and yet mostly not so easy to apply as we feel surrounded by so much lovelessness. But as soon as we make the first loving steps toward our self we will find that these loving gestures have a strength that will carry us with every step more.
This is a great sharing MAS! There will be many who find this blog extremely helpful and perhaps life saving .If we are in this dark space it takes as while for true change to happen, therefore many give up before any true result can be felt. Education on this subject is so important and true support of this person without judgement or expectation. As mentioned self care is so important in our lives and our need to love and value ourselves.
One of the greatest lessons we can ever learn: “True self-care involves embracing a deeply loving and nurturing quality in all my movements and activities throughout the day.” When I think of this one simple lesson being taught to all children I smile, as I can see a world that eventually will live in harmony, as caring for ourselves deeply, naturally has the most wonderful ripple effect, flowing on out to those around us in many life changing ways.
Hello MAS and I may have already mentioned this but I was also haunted by suicidal thoughts before Universal Medicine and truly taking care of myself. The focus was on doing or achieving and not on love and care for myself first. I have come to see that I can do anything so long as I am connecting deeply to that love and care first. After all it’s pretty hard to bring something to someone you aren’t doing yourself. You can do it but everyone else around you doesn’t get the feeling, they just get words from your lips. At times I am in the wonder of why and at this point again is a stop point to bring a deeper love and care first. At any point you feel a block or an unknown we should all return to the known, love and care. This is where this blog will take me to today, back to the love and care thank you MAS.
Thank you MAS for sharing your story of how you came back to yourself again by treating yourself tenderly and lovingly, with deep care and nurturing. The abuse that we give to ourselves and lock ourselves into with our repetitive thoughts and actions can be far more damaging than the abuse from others – but how empowering to know and feel, without any self-criticism, that we are responsible for perpetuating it or changing the record, through our movements.
True self care is about the quality of our movements.. this is something I am recently beginning to understand – that self care isn’t limited to an activity – i.e. having a nurturing bath or cooking myself some supportive food, but about the energy and quality that I’m moving in, in each moment.
“By reclaiming my life and returning to my true self, I am able to feel the many beautiful moments that present each day that confirm to me that we are all from love and that there can be joy in life” A beautiful welcoming back to you.
“It was safer for me to hide in my sadness and go unnoticed, or so I thought.”
As I read this sentence I pondered, is it an epidemic in society, I know it was how I lived for many years. Not speaking what I felt, feeling sad, lost and alone, in a world of people. It was not that I didn’t have family and friends around, I did. But I was not letting them get to know me, so I felt constantly like I was a lone ranger in a sea of people. Could taking the step to simply share ourselves from how we really feel be a tonic to this? It has been for me. What was the hardest was first if all accepting that I didn’t have it all together, like I thought I should. Overcoming this hurdle to truly connecting with myself and subsequently others has changed me, or has it? Is it now that I show the world who I am, and ask the question, what was I living before?
Why are we running away from suicide? I know we are doing a lot but why is it not having an impact? The school of thought currently is if one life is saved then this is a good result but it’s not true. We have more and more people resorting to ending their lives which in turn has a huge impact on those around them. I remember being in this position with thoughts of suicide and while I never followed them through obviously it was a full on time. The thing that held me was knowing the impact that my single decision would have on others around me, it didn’t seem fair to them. I have seen many people in bad situations and we need to do more and it’s not just ok to have helplines and call centres for people. Why are more and more choosing this? More so why are we spending millions of dollars on dropping the road toll and it’s advertised regularly on it’s impacts and what they are doing but we hear little about this. Each holiday in place of the Easter and Christmas road toll we should see the stats on suicide. It’s like we are in a way more comfortable for people to be kill on the roads or at least hear about it. To state the obvious, more on this is needed.
Thank you for sharing your story here. It has really struck me this morning as I am reading so much on suicide just how foundational what you are sharing here is. It gives a very practical place to start to rebuild.