Last night when I was leaving the supermarket with my bags, one bag handle came off my shoulder, which caused unevenness in the way I was carrying the bags and the potential for some groceries to fall out, or the bag to fall off my shoulder.
In the past, I would have ‘carried on’ regardless and had tins of tuna roll out onto the street, then creating a little scene of the drama of struggling to put the bags down, whilst retrieving the tuna from the kerbside and then carrying on to the car – and doing this without looking like anything had gone down!
Or I would have struggled with four bags and tried to put the bag handle back on my shoulder myself, or done nothing and walked in the tension that the bag might fall off, groceries might fall out etc… you get the picture. And I would have never, (or pretty much never) ever have asked for someone to help me.
But over the past four years I have started to make my life a lot less about struggle and much more about love and honoring and taking care of myself – in all situations, both big and small – especially the small. And I have started to learn to ask for support – also in the big and the small. So when the handle came off my shoulder, I stopped a man and asked him if he could put it back onto my shoulder.
It was so simple: he initially was a little surprised to be stopped (as I think most people are these days – we walk around in such solo/contained units but that’s another story!) – and then what happened was really beautiful. He put the handle back onto my shoulder with such grace and care, with a little pat for good measure. We shared a great smile, I thanked him, and then we went our separate ways.
If I had not asked him, that opportunity for me to honor and take care of myself and the opportunity for him to support another would have been missed. I realise it was how I asked him that made the difference – I came from a place of tenderness, honoring and care in wanting to support myself in every moment and he responded with such tenderness and care.
I also realised the power of not doing it alone and keeping things simple.
So I say thanks to me for asking for help and thanks for that man for helping me. And to Serge Benhayon and Natalie Benhayon who are a constant source of inspiration – they have taught me so much about self-care and self-responsibility and to live in a way that honors who we are, and with simplicity.
By Sarah Flenley, Community Engagement Officer, Cairns, Far North Queensland, Australia
Further reading:
What’s All The Fuss About Self-Care?
Indestructible
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
Sarah the simplicity of this sharing says that not only is asking for a simple gesture important, but the appreciation of the simple support we offer to one another is important. It does not need to look anything big to care for one another and at times, it can stop someone in their tracks that there is a caring side to them, even in their busy lives.
Asking for support when it is truly needed, helps to waken up the caring aspects in another too.
Asking for support shows that we aren’t able to do everything on our own. Our lives are around family, teams – brotherhood. We can’t do it alone.
I am one who has in the past been one of those people who prides herself on being self sufficient and not ‘needing’ anyone. But this calls for a hardened way of living that is rigid and not allowing of the support of others. Thankfully I too have softened up and learned to ask for support when truly needed.
Yes, I too was like this, not needing to ask for support as I was self sufficient, but I am gradually asking for support in more and more areas of my life, and I must say this now feels very beautiful.
Love it Sarah – asking for help is key. We are not here to do it all alone, we are here to connect and work together.
Sharing openly like this Sarah, when we get the impulse or simply when what we are doing gives us the opportunity is surprising revealing in how open others are to sharing with an open hearted approach as you have shared.
What you are sharing here with us all is very beautiful because it gave the other person the opportunity to respond with genuine care towards you so that you were both blessed by the interaction between you.
;Going it alone’ is a very lonely place but being open and connecting with others is to feel how much love we have to share with each other.
I know the times I have reached out for support people love it, often they don’t want to ask in case they get rejected, but your blog Sarah highlights how there are always opportunities to connect with others if we remain open to this.
Ah the rejection! It’s like asking for help is admitting that we can be vulnerable and in that space to be rejected hurts even more (or so it appears to hurt more).
There are many ways to honor ourselves. Ask for help is one way. Preparing ourselves (in this case with a shopping cart that is available in every super market and can get us to our car with our shopping) is another one.
This makes me realise what a big deal I have made out asking for help to be. Like, I have to have a proper, justified reason to be asking for help, and as if I have to thank them profusely for the rest of my life, so train myself up to be self-sufficient under any circumstance and asking for help has to be the last resort when all has failed. And when I come from that place, if I don’t get helped, I am left hurt. What a drama.
Yes I know the feeling and have a sense that what gets us is the lack of communication we have most of the time. We can’t read peoples minds so we need to communicate when we need help instead of expecting people to understand us all the time without saying something.
Spot on Leike – we cannot read people’s minds and sometimes we forget that others cannot read our minds either and so communication is key. This is a beautiful point to highlight as it simplifies life so much more amongst each other when we can communicate that which we are feeling and thinking.
Yeah, I love it too because it eradicates judgement and expectations between people when the communication is clear and open.
Yes Lieke, honest and open communication is essential.
One of my favourite things to do is to help another when they’re not expecting it, and similarly I’m incredibly touched when someone picks up something I dropped or goes out of their way to help me, I think our connections with other people are one of the most incredible parts of life, it’s crazy to just think we’re in it alone when there’s 7 billion people who feel the same as us.
People just love to help and support – that has been my experience since learning to ask for what is needed.
This is my experience too, people love to support when it is truly needed, it is very lovely to feel.
In the past my pattern would be to do everything on my own and never ask for help, opening up to others and asking and accepting support has been a game changer for me and allowed me to feel the true support that is around me at all times.
I love it. If we don’t ever ask for help we miss these magic moments where we realise that life is so much better together.
I have never met anyone who does not love to help and the support is always there for the asking. And if not, there’s someone else who might have overheard the request and is only too happy to step in.
It’s amazing how often we hold back from asking someone to help when we really need it – why bear a heavy load alone when it can be lightened and shared.
I love the drama scene at the start with cans of tuna rolling around the street. It exposes how much we can like drama as we set it up. Really we are given simplicity and that is the flow of life, but if we don’t take these little moments that simplicity quickly becomes complexity and complexity feeds itself quite fast.
There is a great beauty in reaching out to someone you do not know, or exchanging some words with another when shopping. We are one family– we all have a heart, we all have the same Father in Heaven.
People are much more willing to support each other than we realise, and the simple act of asking for a bit of help will show us that willingness.
This is so true in my experience.
This afternoon at the supermarket, I saw a lady was trying to load her shopping on the cash counter while holding her crying baby. She was struggling to calm her baby and shop at the same time, so another customer came to help and loaded her shopping onto the counter for her. This was amazing to see and it made me realise that sometimes we may not ask for help but people can clearly see that support is needed, and when people jump in to help without question, it reminds me of how natural this is but often a rare sight.
Gorgeous reading for today Sarah, so simple and beautiful in honouring your tenderness and allowing another to feel his tenderness also.
In the past I would never ask for help with my bags, now I almost always do as I have discovered that the staff in my local super market are more than willing to help me with my bags to my car.
“Honouring” our-self so we are starting to be at=least gentle-with-our-self, then we are on the road to living in “tenderness.”
‘especially the small’, it is in all the small changes that we make in the way we live that brings enormous change.
If you had not asked him, he would not have had the opportunity to show such grace, love and care. By asking for support, we offer others an opportunity to express love.
Love the simplicity!
Reaching out and asking is our natural way of being, and this is always sharing from that Inner-most essence, which when we stay aligned to is all “about self-care and self-responsibility and to live in a way that honors” that.
Awesome blog Sarah – what is so lovely is that you not only had help but two beautiful human beings connected together in a parking lot, with no tendrils attached. Just beautiful!
There is so much communicated in our exchanges with people, much more than words alone. As you have shared Sarah you felt the man responded tenderly to your own intent to care for and honour your self.
What a beautiful blog to re-read Sarah. Such grace and simplicity. The human spirit loves a struggle and a drama – ‘Ah poor me, i have to struggle alone, there’s no one to help me’. What is true in the sense that if one is carrying that consciousness there indeed will not be anyone to help as individualisation has no part in the truth of hierarchy. A simple openness to ask works wonders, and the hierarchy is right there at our back supporting us in our universality.
Taking every opportunity to reach out and connect with another as you have Sarah, should be considered as normal, with the mutual respect and decency that we can all share all of the time. May this way of treating each other can become part of schools curriculum so we learn to express with the level of connection that you have shared Sarah.
It would be so supportive for communities for schools to change their emphasis on competition to co-operation and collaboration – as you say Greg, working together with mutual respect and decency. It’s much better than the ‘dog eat dog’ mentality and striving as individuals to get to the top that currently permeates society.
So True Melinda, when we cooperate like when the young are in preschool, and the idea of games is not aligned to, then the children readily play with each other in a simple Joy.
It is sad that we can feel alone in a world where we are surrounded by millions – in this point alone, if we honestly look at it, there is something greatly amiss. For within every single person on this plant there is an incredibly gorgeous quality for us to connect to and be inspired by.
To feel alone when we are surrounded by millions is a choice. As exposed in this blog, all it takes is a “hello” or “excuse me, can you help?”.
It really does bring out the best in people… So to speak :-)… I am continually asking for help when I travel… And it can come from the most surprising places.
Asking for help is healthy. something I put off for a long time, until recently and I am sensing that it is the most absolute welcoming and loving thing to do.
Yes, and it gives us an opportunity to connect with another, which most people love.
I was in a large shop this week looking at an item when an assistant came up and asked if she could help me. What she was really saying underneath her question, was can I help her…as she then continued to share with me. What originally presents can be covering up something much deeper.
I love your example, how we can bring this support into our everyday activities. I now have to ask for support when travelling with my heavy suitcases, the response and help has been amazing, and we get to connect with so many more people.
Hi, Sarah, yes putting into practice what we see, feel and observe is super important – the immediacy of your response is worth gold. Simply because if we wait or don’t the potential might loose its hold: as the evolution you were offered in that moment has simply gone. But might come back to you in a different moment – different way. Nevertheless, it is so important to act on what we feel straight away – so we get the full benefit and evolution offered (by own choice), and not anything less instead offered.
Sarah what a gorgeous moment. I am getting used to asking strangers for help. Everyone is always more than willing to oblige and it does break through the private bubbles we walk around in, reminding us how we actually do enjoy helping one another, and how lovely it is to feel that connection, however fleeting.
How could life ever be boring if we allowed ourselves to live and engage with each other all of the time and stopped running around as isolated bubbles.
Asking for help has been a great way to invite another into my life – even just for that moment. Bearing my vulnerability and fragility without any drama or justification is so freeing and that’s something I am learning to do more often.
I agree, its a lovely process and something I too am choosing to bring into my life more and more.
“I realise it was how I asked him that made the difference – I came from a place of tenderness, honoring and care in wanting to support myself in every moment and he responded with such tenderness and care.” beautiful Sarah. When we try to do it all alone we harden. Asking for support can be difficult initially, but the responses that come feel amazing when we do.
It is only until we are willing to let go of such limiting beliefs of pushing through and toughen it up that we get to feel the level of abuse we have tolerated in our lives, embracing our tenderness and delicateness is the only way forth to once again know ourselves for who we truly are.
Ah, the ‘soldier on’ mentality – one I know well from my own family traits, and well, how most of us as women have been conditioned to be…
Enter self-care, and the willingness to naturally and openly connect with others, and the entire game is a-changed… Thank-you Sarah, it is a great travesty that for the most part, we “walk around in such solo/contained units”. We have lost the art of natural connection, interconnection and community, and it is in the seemingly smallest gesture or moment that this can be restored.
What I just got from reading this, is how we can go about our days expecting people to help us without us asking, and then feel hurt towards humanity when no one steps in. It’s a continuous set up we can play out with many relationship (for were all in relationship), from our partners to anyone we pass in the street. Moving about our days in this way can confirm our story that humanity is not worth opening our love up to.
Not being afraid to ask for help to me is a sign of deep self-care, self-appreciation and openness to connect to people. For me, there is some level of barrier or protection that can often stop me from approaching a stranger and asking for help. But when I get over that, I find people are always willing and open to help when I ask from a place of respect and honesty.
“If I had not asked him, that opportunity for me to honor and take care of myself and the opportunity for him to support another would have been missed.” When we honour our own tenderness, we allow others to feel the same, it is with this that the response of tenderness flows. It just goes to show how the quality in which we move and treat ourselves, will provide a reflection for others.
I love this blog Sarah! It brought tears to me eyes this morning as I read it again. These tiny moments such as you have described here are so precious and so simple. We ask for help, or say ‘yes’ to helping someone and a beautiful connection occurs – we are Sons of God together. Yes, there is sometimes surprise when one asks for help, as I experience if I am getting bottled water in a big 8-pack and have to ask a man to put it into my car boot, but all are very willing and very glad to have made that brief connection.
By asking for help we let go of control and allow another to support us. As someone who loves my job as a support worker it is amazing how hard I have found it to ask for help and give up the illusion that I can do it on my own. Fear of rejection could be one justification but what I am recognising is that it depends how you ask for help. When I became a single parent I tended to ask from a place of resenting the fact that I had been put in this position and therefore felt unsupported but can now feel that it was me who was not supporting myself and this was just being reflected back to me.
It is lovely to feel the honouring of yourself and the other person in the way you asked for support and this tenderness was reflected back to you and also outwards to everyone else that you both went onto meet. Contagious, expansive and showing the power of asking for help – we all miss out when we soldier on alone feeling sorry for ourselves something that I used to be all too familiar with but now I see such events as heaven sent opportunities for deeper connection and welcome them into my life.
Sweetness is contagious – so is self-love, care and moving in a way that honours how we feel about ourselves.
When we realise that struggling is a consciousness that does not reflect who we already are in essence, we become aware that it is then a choice to be and honor the love we are within or not. We also realise that we are not here to be alone; we are here together and for a reason. Our willingness to be open towards others is empowering, as we discover that through loving relationships be it long term or momentary, there is much to learn, to be supported with, to confirm and be inspire by through which together we can evolve and grow.
Beautifully expressed Carola, I love your comment. It reminds me that feeling alone and having to do everything on our own is a choice, making life about struggling is definitely not a true way to live. Opening ourselves up to people, to working together and to helping/supporting each other is what feels very natural to us all.
Expressing to others is so important and the way you have opened up to this man Sarah is an inspiration.
What strikes me Sarah as I re-read this beautiful simple blog, is that in that moment you expanded ‘space’. You were not ruled by time, by inhibitions, by ideals, but you simply knew what was needed, made the space and spoke to the man. It is really lovely. And you were both touched in some way through this connection. I love it.
It’s lovely to make a connection with others when we reach out and ask for help. It may be something simple but the opportunity to connect and share a moment with others is what can change the course of our day. It’s not so much the physical action as it is the exchange of care and love between people.
I often complain how non-gentlemanly and unhelpful men are where I live. There’s no concept such as ‘ladies first’ and often women are left to struggle with their own load, literally and figuratively. Reading your sharing, I am feeling how I have actually subscribed to sustain this cultural set up where women remain quiet and choose a struggle rather than asking for support, and how there’s no self-honouring in that attempt to prove that we are enough.
Asking for help these days is so much easier – and what a beautiful way to interact with strangers! I used to be fiercely independent but as I grow older it feels so much easier to ask for help. After all people can only say no – or yes!
This is such a gorgeous blog Sarah. How beautiful it is to realise that ‘strangers’ are not so strange to us after all. Young children show us the truth of this when they strike up conversations with people they don’t know and it’s absolutely gorgeous. As adults we often carry around hurts and judge others based on these hurts when in actual fact the people we mistrust have done nothing wrong. When we open up to others everyone wins and this connection is precisely what is lacking in most communities today.
You sharing made me smile. I love how when we honour ourselves and let another person in to support us, that there can be such a gorgeous moment of connection and true care that we otherwise deny both ourselves and others. We are not meant to go it alone and moments like this are great reminders of this.
“Excuse me, can you help?” What a great question, we are always so reluctant to admit we need help, and often put a great deal of strain on ourselves rather than say those few words, and when we do, it is an honour to share that moment of help, in giving and receiving.
Why do we balk at asking others to help us when we actually do actually need help? It’s crazy.
I enjoyed reading this again today, as I read I could feel that not asking for help was about trying to stay in control for me, so I don’t come across weak. Crazy that these thoughts come through. But as I have started to ask for more help I can see the magic in the exchanges and teamwork.
We often hold back on asking for help yet when we do ask, people are very willing and really caring, and at the same time we may only meet them for a short time but the connection is deeply felt.
I enjoyed reading this today as much as I did when I first read it. To be given a true opportunity to serve and support another is what is on offer for any who are willing to respond when true love is spoken.
This is a gorgeous blog Sarah! I love these little moments that you highlight that signify so much about the way we relate to each other, ourselves and life. These details are so important as they reflect and symbolise the quality of those much larger events that come! Yes people do sometimes look a little surprised and startled when they are asked for help ( I do the same with a pack of 8 bottles of mineral water) but they settle in immediately and the exchange brings a simple ‘light on’ reminder to the world about brotherhood.
This is awesome Sarah, this shows how open you are to people. Asking for help can be very supportive but we often avoid this because we sometimes put up barriers between ourselves and others, possibility because we feel we are separate from people. When in fact, as you’ve shared Sarah, when we are willing to open up to others, we then realise how willing others are also, at being open and loving.
Most of us appreciate being asked to help others in small ways but are reluctant to ask for help for ourselves. All back to front because if we all started to be willing to ask for support then others would feel more able to do the same.
People do love to provide support, it is a wonderful opportunity for connection.
“The power of not doing it alone and keeping it simple”. So simple and easy, I know, like many, I have resisted asking for support many a time. That just keeps us in our isolated bubbles and there is no fun or love in that.
This is a beautiful incident that makes my day. I love these little everyday moments, and there can be so many of them if we allow us to. We are here to grow and learn together and to support and cherish each other in the process.
Coming from a long past of not wanting to ask for help, I am learning that it is totally OK to ask for help. I used to worry too much about what others might think, so I would often reframe from asking for help. I then get resentful and annoyed but it was more with myself than anyone else because I have not communicated to people when I needed to and I used to just silently hope that someone would offer to help. Crazy but it created so much unnecessary tension. It is so much more loving and less of a struggle to simple ask for help whenever I feel it is needed.
After reading your blog again Sarah, it highlights to me how it is always our choice to either make life about struggle or about love. I have found it is very loving to ask for support, life is not about doing it alone but about being open to asking for help whenever it’s needed. Often people are a lot more open to helping than we think.
Seeing those sort of interactions is absolutely beautiful – in fact it always saddens me how often the person I offer my help to refuses!
being in the position of having to ask for help regularly actually opens our eyes to the light of brotherhood that is there to be rekindled in everyone by such a simple request.
Asking for assistance is a beautiful opportunity for connection and to allow us to catch glimpses of each other’s inner beauty and their genuine caring nature which helps confirm that we’re not in this nor do we have to do it alone.
People really do care for each other, they just need to allow the opportunity to express that care and your shoulder strap incident along with its bonus little pat for good measure is a prime example of this Sarah.
The best part about asking for help is the connection we allow with others.
Yes! A very beautiful and simple opportunity to connect with people, which is a confirmation of the natural brotherhood we live in when we allow it to be shown.
I have been in the position whilst travelling a lot in having to ask for help.… It is always, without fail, doorway for someone to actually feel the light of brotherhood in connection, and is always, always, a beautiful experience.
Such a simple act Sarah. What I find is that people are more than willing to help each other, in fact we do thrive on it. We are missing out on something completely when we feel we need to struggle on by ourselves. We are missing each other and the beauty in simple moments such as these.
Gorgeous sharing Sarah. Asking someone to assist us with something is very beautiful when the request is made with an open heart and no expectation.
Reading my own blog this morning as brought a deeper appreciation of me and my commitment to supporting myself and connecting with others. Here’s to appreciating ourselves much more than we do.
I love that you have come back to read your own blog and appreciate what you have offered the world here. Amazing how a request for help now truly supports everyone who chooses to read what you have shared.
I love reading my own blogs, It brings a depth of self appreciation that otherwise is very rarely in our awareness
Perhaps it’s in the way we’re conditioned to be independent and also not to burden others that makes us so wedded to soldiering on and ‘doing it alone’. Inspiring to read how you caught yourself and made a choice that was entirely supportive of you and through which you were able to feel the wider benefits of reaching out to another for help.
Asking for help is not a white flag, it is not us being any less – than what we believed we were to be, or those who are in a position to be able to offer help.
Many of us, myself included, seem to find helping others easier than asking for help. Why would we see it as ‘troubling another’ when asking for help? Are we feeling ourselves as ‘being troubled’ when being asked to help? I wonder if there is anything in us that judges those who ask for help as less, and what we are offering as ‘help’ is more for our own self-satisfaction rather than a genuine gesture of kindness in response to what is being called for.
This reminds me Sarah, that when I do ask for help it is an honouring of myself to realise that I can’t do it all by myself. And why would I want to. If we try to do it all by ourselves we miss out on the many beautiful connections we can share with others.
When we chose to truly honor and care for ourselves, including asking for support it is so healing and inspirational for everyone. I too have seen how society has turned towards the belief that we need to do things on our own, be tough and independent, right down to the point of not only not asking for support but totally rejecting it. So if someone offers to carry a box or open a door there is a flat out ‘no I can do it’. I have seen the negative effect of rejecting support and how this has lead to a society that keep to themselves and don’t offer it. I experienced a student offering to carry a box for me to the car when packing up after teaching. I saw that when I said ‘no it’s ok’ that the student felt silly or rejected and a little hurt like he’d said the wrong thing or done something to agenda me. As soon as I clocked this I recognized that I had rejected his care and support and in a way nurturing, because I was firstly rejecting this in myself by trying to do it all myself without asking for support. I quickly stopped myself and said ‘actually it would be great if you could carry that box to the car for me, it saves me two trips and it’s actually a little heavy’. I then went on to thank him and tell him how kind he was to consider this and offer to support. The young man beamed, not because he had been recognized or needed, but because it was confirmed that his expression was truly caring and considerate and that people do want to see this.
This is gorgeous Sarah, I loved reading this as it reminds me again that life isn’t about struggle but about love, for ourself and others.
It is so natural to offer support when needed. If you were with a friend you probably would not have hesitated to ask them to assist. It is when we ask a stranger that the difference emerges. Why is this? The ‘askee’ is someone’s friend so what I love about this is that you are relating to the man in a way that honours his receptivity as if he were supporting a friend. Bring it on! We need more of this natural invitation to show our love for each other. And we also need to ask ourselves what it is that makes us load up in the first place!
Well said Brendan, so true indeed.
If we would all do as you did, Sarah, there would be no wars.
I am always noticing if another needs support and am quick to help if someone needs it. I am not so good at asking for help when I need it though it is like I see it as a weakness, after reading your blog I can see the power in keeping things simple and loving by asking for support next time.
I was in London attending the Women in Livingness group last weekend. I took a suitcase with me and I remember at one point feeling tired. I expressed this honesty to myself and within seconds a gentleman offered to carry my suitcase up a stairs. This happens quite regularly now and it is so beautiful to have moments like this in my life where I connect to men that I don’t know and let them in.
“So when the handle came off my shoulder, I stopped a man and asked him if he could put it back onto my shoulder.” Oh Sarah, I melted when I read this line, it is gorgeous. I’m not surprised he responded the way he did. I absolutely agree it is the energy we are in when we ask another for support that makes all the difference to the outcome.
The Benhayon’s are a constant relentless source of inspiration in all things, from music to healing to walking to loving in fact all that makes up humanity, and beyond.
Asking for help is not easy to do, especially from someone on the street!
My thoughts generally go along the lines of ‘I have failed if I am not able to do it myself’. This exposes the perfectionist consciousness that I am breaking apart and looking at from many angles. And how this holds me back from honouring myself as a woman.
I love that it provided an opportunity for connection and the sharing of tenderness. It is also a great example of how we express is the key factor in how people respond to us.
It’s a bit like a ‘passing it on’ thing, what we pass on is the rememberance that what we love most is connecting with people.
Sarah as I read your amazing blog this morning it helped me to remind me that asking for help was once also something I never did as I thought it was easier to do these things on my own and because it gave me this extraordinary feeling of not needing someone and with that I felt independent and free. As I got an understanding that this way of thinking was a trap I started to ask for help and as you so beautiful describe that was a great experience – to got the support was also freeing as my whole body started to let go of a form of tension which was normally there and I was not aware off – wunderbar.
I used to do every thing on my own. I liked the independence even though I would struggle and get stressed out! These days, for most of the time when I feel I’m struggling I ask and even when another says ‘no’ in their own way I know I am being supported… I simply have to be patient and trust the unfolding.
Wow Caroline this sentences is inspiring very much: “I ask and even when another says ‘no’ in their own way I know I am being supported… I simply have to be patient and trust the unfolding.” Thank you for sharing it.
So Simple Sarah, but so profound. Stopping and asking for support no matter how small is something that I could do more of. Thanks
I used to never ask for help but thought I can or have to do everything on my own. This came from the idea that I have to, or want to, be independent of others (in a sense of not needing the help others) and/or sometimes also from a stubborness.
This has started to change and I have started to ask for help in certain circumstances. But reading this blog I realize how much I am still holding back in this and avoid asking for help. Instead of considering it as an occasion to connect with people, there is still this “am I allowed to bother people and ask for help”, but also a hesitation because truely connecting means to open up and show myself.
What a gorgeous blog that we all can relate to. Struggle and compromising ourselves is the norm for many of us but I have found it really is a choice. I can come up with all the stories in the world about why I have to soldier on alone, but when I allow it, support is always there.
Sarah a lovely blog to share, it shows how easy it can be when we ask for help and honour our fragility, and when we do ask help is always lovingly given.
Asking for help starts it…
And appreciating ourselves enough to know when we need it opens the door to giving ourselves the permission to ask.
Sarah, there were so many points of love in your blog. Simple messages of love, awareness, understanding, acceptance, relationship. Wow! You offered yourself so much in that moment and you offered another evolution.
It is very simple yet we make it complicated
I love this story Sarah, it’s little things like this that if done all the time could really change the way we are all living. The next time this man sees someone struggling with something, he will now be more inclined to offer his help without needing to be asked, as I feel that when we help people it feels good and you gave him the opportunity to feel that by asking him for help. If we all just looked out for each other a little more whether it be a perfect stranger or a good friend the world would become a better place.
Beautiful story Sarah, love the simplicity of the moment and support shared.
How lovely it is when we allow ourselves to be open and vulnerable in asking for help…deep down i feel we all are very open and love to help each other out, and when we do it is such a warm feeling as we feel a value in ourself in receiving and in giving help.
Asking for help and sharing the load is great for everyONE. Firstly for the person needing the help to connect with the world and honour their body, secondly for the person being asked for help to connect to the world and honour their body AND last but not least for the rest of the world to have the connection between the two confirming the brotherhood that we are naturally made to be in. EVERY BODY Evolves :):):)
To ask a passer-by to for help, is quite a moment of trust, as every previous interaction, good or bad that has ever been experienced up to that moment before asking that question, is poised and held and it can be equally cautious to ask, because in this day and age, it is very familiar to be in your own zone… head down, only focusing on your own task… and just look at the use of ear phones and listening to the i-phone music etc when in a crowd of people, its the perfect excuse not to connect with another. So that moment of asking really does break that grasp of keeping to yourself, it is an opening towards another and when this exchange happens, it most certainly restores community and humanity back into relationships in our world.
I will take this blog and comments with me as I am travelling home for the next couple of days, and have an extra large heavy box along with my two already big heavy suitcases. Support will definitely be welcomed with open arms and heart.
Lorraine, get back to us and share your experiences, I’m sure it will be inspirational, imagine if the whole world asked for help, each day we ask and each day we give, what a warm loving place of human contact would it become…it would fire up a planet of human connections!
‘I also realised the power of not doing it alone’ – I am also consistently learning this Sarah, crazy enough I always used to think that managing everything myself was exactly that, powerful.
I love asking for help. Yesterday I went to my neighbour to ask if he could help with my new i-phone, something which is not really my talent (phones and computers). And he did, my simcard is now in my phone. Whenever there is something that I cannot do, I ask him or somebody else close to me. I don’t have to be able to do everything, I do what I can, and what I can’t, I ask for support.
I love that – sometimes when I’m in the supermarket and I’m looking for something I find it lots easier to just ask, even though it might be quite easy to find it myself. It’s a great way to connect with people.
I absolutely loved your blog Sarah, and I see it as a huge confirmation of what you chose for yourself which was an absolute honouring of you as the woman and what you did to look after yourself in that moment by asking for the mans help. You connected with your playfulness and the man could not help but respond because he could feel how the preciousness of that grace needed his support and also held him as equal. A lovely gift for you both.
Absolutely – sometimes we need make the first move! It’s easy to wait for someone else to make the first move but that won’t change the world.
This is spot on, it’s often our perception, judgement and expectations of others that hold us back from being the one to love first. And I find too – they’re often not true!
Sarah – you mention here there is another story in the fact that people walk around solo.
I absolutely agree – there is a lot to call out when it comes to how we have got to the stage where we avoid the general public.
I am at the moment spending some time in Australia even though I live in the UK.
Since being here, I have been very aware of how people are with others.
Just yesterday I was walking down the street, and of all the 4 people who passed me, every single one of them looked me in the eye and said good morning. The reason I noticed this is because in the UK, no one does this.
I find it quiet fascinating how where you are in the world can really change how open people are. Sure it is just a hello, but it is a start.
But then I also have to appreciate that I am the common factor in this, and so if I know the difference of what it feels like to walk around closed, vs what it is to simply acknowledge another on the street, then isn’t it my responsibility to bring that to every situation?
What I have learnt from this is that I have a choice to be constant and open all the time regardless of where I am, and to not be affected by those who choose to stay closed.
But at a time where connecting with others is absolutely paramount, I can feel it all starts with simply being open all the time.
I agree hvmorden, when you walk around with an open body people respond to that. Sometimes when I am out walking I wonder why everyone is smiling at me or saying ‘good morning’ -then I realise it is because of the way I am walking (present with myself and in the absolute joy of being with my body and with everything around me as I walk).
I have observed this too Anne – and what an opportunity we have to simply be open and start the communication with others simply through our posture and our bodies. It takes openness to a much deeper level – an almost magnetic pull of communication.
I have noticed that too, hvmorden. When I am on holiday, in another country, I exchange more hellos with strangers than I would at home. We often talk about ‘friendly locals’ in some exotic locations and appreciate their warmth, and are prepared to welcome their curious gaze and respond with a smile – but we forget we are the friendly locals in any place. It is interesting how we switch between letting the world and its people in or not, reserving our best for some special locations and occasions.
I recently decided to ask for some help with my computer. Its very old and getting to be quite slow but I have put off doing something about it for ages, as I didn’t want to ask for help. But I finally got round to it and bought an anti virus computer cleaner, and a technician took over my computer and did a full clean. But i found myself to be quite anxious about it at first, unsure about letting someone else have my computer and not sure if I could trust the process. But in the end they did an amazing job and it felt so much better to know my computer is back to working condition. I realised I needed to let go of my control and just allow for someone to support me.
Allowing others around us to help and support us is part of life. We can’t exist on our own, so why even try?! I have recently started sharing a flat with a friend after 6 years of living on my own. I am so enjoying opening to the support that is available from sharing a space. It is not only in practical ways but also support in awareness and understanding too. I feel I am more open to people in general as a result.
I spent many years on my own too Rebecca, Ive moved in with my partner about 4 months ago and I find the evolution we share amazing. I find the reflection I receive from living from another is what really brings up lots and through this sharing of life we evolve together.
I read your blog a while ago and agreed with its content wholeheartedly. Then in the past couple of days, I’ve been struggling and felt how I wasn’t asking for help, and the blog returned to me to claim it and drop the old choice of way of behaving. The support came willingly and without any criticism and the old struggle was gone by self honouring, thank you Sarah.
This is what I love about the power of expression…..when people dont hold back and share their truths, the most incredible things happen. Little miracles like this occur all over the world. Each time we drop a little of choices that dont serve us, we open ourselves up to the world. Love it Love it Love it. I too have read many blogs which have stayed with me and allowed me to see the world and my choices in a different light and for that I am truly grateful. Thanks for this comment Gill.
So true Sarah… ‘when people don’t hold back and share their truths, the most incredible things happen’. The question therefore isn’t really about the fact of this happening but why it is we don’t go for it every minute of the day… a question to self as much as to all here 🙂
I can feel a struggle going on with me at the moment. It is interesting how it is being played out. I feel moments of panic at times mixed in with trust, trusting myself. I am doing some choreography with my daughter for a dance that she wants to do and I am finding that it is bringing up much for me to look at and feel. Last night I could feel the struggle and as I write it is becoming clearer as to why I create the struggle… I am so afraid of letting her down! Honouring myself is key. Thank you gillrandall.
This is it Sarah, how simple it can be and that we are all here to live and be with each other. Those moments in the past when we hold back for asking help because you don’t want to put the other person out or you don’t want to seem incapable are just excuses of connecting to the tenderness that we are, how you have beautifully shared. Thanks to you for a reminder that we can honour ourselves to the very last detail.
Yes Natalie, honouring ourselves to the very last detail feels deeply honouring and very loving and powerful.
and if we all just totally surrendered we would fall into each others arms. This really highlights the force that we have to apply to constantly ‘do it alone’.
Thats really interesting Alexis, where you share that we have to apply a force, that it take a huge amount of energy to do it alone, and when we share with others it is our natural way of being.
Yes Natalie, it can be very simple, yet we do complicate how we are with each other, but all this ‘stuff’ that we create or use as excuses to protect ourselves from being open and vulnerable to another. What if we were more open to the richness that happens from the connection (instead of chemistry) between two or more when we truly are there for each other?
Yes Karoline, I find myself protecting myself when I’m feeling vulnerable. I am still holding on to the illusion that being vulnerable is a sign of weakness and I can feel how I am up against this belief in society instead of claiming the vulnerability and fragility within and knowing how powerful this is.
Beautiful story Sarah! Let’s all keep it in mind.
Was this just a chance meeting Sarah or was it designed to offer the gentleman a moment to bring his own tenderness and love to the surface and remember what it feels like once again.
Nice one Matthew – I got goosebumps reading this comment so I think you might be onto something! Could you imagine if we all walked around open to opportunities – both to offer them and to take them and what might be on offer if we do?
Yeh, I bet this gentle-man walked away feeling his own loveliness.
A beautiful observation, Matthew. It is always amazing to feel how these events come together perfectly so that no one can walk away untouched in some way.
Awesome observation Matthew, thank you
When we receive and give help we are allowing room for magical connections and interactions to take place. Just recently I offered to help an elderly lady to her seat next to me on the plane as her daughter was packing away their bags. Her daughter thanked me graciously and we then had a lovely conversation about her trip to Tasmania and she showed me her trip photo’s. It was a gorgeous way to spend a plane trip. Support is about accepting love into our lives and everyone deserves to share in that gift.
Every man should read this blog and take note – for himself.
So true Bernadette – exceedingly simple!
Indeed, Adam! It is a huge part of the illusion that we live with as men that we must do everything on our own and that even requiring help, much less asking for it, is not just a sign of weakness, but one of failure. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
I know this too well Naran, where I have pushed through, not asking for assistance, not wanting to be seen as a failure. The more I realise this pattern the more the stubbornness breaks down and I can let others in.
It is a multi-layered maze of trapdoors and dead ends that we construct around ourselves in order to make sure that we look like we know what we are dong at all times, and we don’t need help, Christopher. But when the walls start to crack, the truth of the tender and interconnected man begins to be glimpsed peeking out from behind the walls.
Yes Adam I agree – I am always wondering why it is so hard for men to ask e.g. someone the way.
Simply because it is such a deeply engrained ideal of what it is to be a man – that he has to have all the answers. From a young age a boy is rejected for being sweet, dedicate, tender. So where does that leave him? It leaves him searching for a way of being – any way of being – that will be accepted by society. And so he grows up knowing that the most acceptable role for him to play is provider, father, leader. If you are the provider, it is not a good look if you don’t have the answer. This is the burden men choose to carry, and thus why it is very difficult for them to ever admit that they simply do not know.
Thank you so much Adam to expose so clear how we as parents are adding to the root cause why men are not able to admit that they simply do not know – that is very revealing and it is really time to change something about it.
As a woman, to have this understanding of why it is so very difficult for a man to admit he does not know so clearly expressed is a gem.Thank you Adam Warburton.
Thank you Adam for sharing this. One of the many things I have loved about Universal Medicine is seeing the true nature of men and seeing men slowly (or quicker sometimes!) drop the ideals and beliefs around being the provider and reconnecting to their sweet, tender selves.
The word and experience of ‘struggle’ creates for me a feeling of having ‘lost’ my connection to the truth of who I am. The word itself is almost cumbersome to say. Connected to the grace and delicateness of who I am, would I choose ‘struggle’; would I pick up too many shopping bags in the first place? Asking for support despite the choices I make is fine, provided that I am aware of my choices. Thank you Sarah for brining my attention to the experience of ‘struggle’ and the reflection it gives me.
It does feel and sound like a heavy word! Knowing that struggling is a choice that we actively make certainly changes everyday choices. It’s like the more that I claim simplicity the more pointless struggle becomes. It’s only purpose is to create a drama and to achieve attention and recognition for being ‘the struggling one’ or to be this lesser being that has to struggle in life. The complete opposite of who we are and can choose to be, a choice that still is chosen at times but the simplicity is making it more and more obvious how that struggling choice really feels.
Love the extension of the sharing here Leigh. Struggle is a choice and simplicity automatically cuts it out. When I break things down by connecting to my body, the next step is clear and always SO simple!
Sometimes the next step in connection to ourselves can make the struggle laughable if not very silly. But in that struggle there is such a seriousness that comes with it, an intensity that is simply not there when we connect.
Absolutely true and powerful to experience. Leigh.
Love what Leigh has written here. I too am finding that the more simplicity I bring into my life the more I am aware of when I go into struggle. I can feel the tension and it is not long before I call it out and act on it even if I am with others. Struggling reduces me, simplicity expands me; there is a huge difference and I absolutely agree with Leigh as it is my responsibility in what I decide to choose.
Yes struggle vs grace. Such a difference. We can fight and resist (struggle) or we can surrender and allow (grace).
“But over the past four years I have started to make my life a lot less about struggle and much more about love and honoring and taking care of myself – in all situations, both big and small – especially the small.” With each small situation that we choose to self honour, we are building a foundation that holds us supported for the bigger ones.
Oh so true Lucinda, so true indeed. Thank you for adding that in.
Exactly Lucinda, it is every single small situation that matters. Attending to them is quite simple and if we do that, we will be more than prepared for the bigger ones.
Great point Michael. The little things make up the bigger things.
Indeed, Lucinda. The largest buildings and structures in our world are made up of many many smaller ones. It is the same with our life.
This is just beautiful, Sarah. Yes, when we come from a truly loving place, there is only response to be had – LOVE! You reap what you sow!
I realise that asking for support is something I forget to do in my own home and at times I find myself struggling to do tasks which would be easier with two. By contrast, when I do ask one of my sons to help, the task becomes lighter, more manageable and fun and the bonus is we have a moment to hang out together and catch up. It is a win win situation.
I totally agree Jane, when i ask my three young children to help with the washing up, it always amazes me how much they enjoy themselves, we each have a task washing, rinsing, drying and putting away, not only is the load significantly lighter, there is also appreciation for our equal team work.
Yes I used to fight it at home when we were all asked to do the ‘washing up’ but looking back I used to love it when we all chipped in and did it and played around and got the job done.
When you mention ‘team work’ I smile as, at a local school that I help out in, it only takes one child to say ‘team work’ and the whole class are gently clearing away as they sing those words. Awesome sight and a joy to be a part of.
One of the best examples of sharing the work load for me is food preparation time. The traditional dinner time used to be mum working away in the kitchen and the rest of the family coming to the table when it was ready. Nowadays I like to cook and prepare food with my son. We are both busy so its a great time to catch up with each other and share our days and meal prep feels much more fun.
Very inspirational Jane. We so often have the concept of doing everything that we can somehow manage on our own, yet it is much more loving for ourselves to ask for support when tasks are heavy and by that not only alleviate the situation itself, but even enjoy the moment of connection this brings.
This is probably where I struggle most, that is to ask for support especially from my children in the home. It is changing I have to say where the children lay the table, make their beds and occasionally prepare the food but it is something I know I am to be much more aware of. It is ironic because when they are helping it certainly does feel lighter and I am left wondering why I don’t do this more often!
What you share Sarah really reflected to me how in the past I would offer to help another in a difficult/awkward situation but it would take lifting a bus for me to ask another for help. I would soldier on regardless of the consequence. Not at all self loving/self nurturing. Since changing this ‘attitude’ and introducing more self love the rest is becoming history and in your words “the power of not doing it alone” Allowing others who offer to help to do so has, opened up so many wonderful conversations and meetings of which they could of carried on walking by and never our eyes would have met.
Awesome Marion – here’s to much more connection!
Marion, it is definitely a process of returning to the love within us all. I definitely know that soldiering on feeling and it has taken time, dedication and commitment to make choices that are honouring. This is an ongoing unfolding.
and the truth is Marion we were never made to ‘do it alone’ so it’s completely unnatural for us to attempt to do everything by ourselves. Brotherhood is our natural way and so when we work together this feels harmonious as it is indeed part of true harmony.
Yes, I can relate with never asking for help and support in the past. Over the last few years I have had to ask for help with my heavy suitcase when travelling at times, and have had some really beautiful experiences and connections. And many times I don’t even have to ask now I am more open to help and support.
Yes lorrainsewellman I have noticed the same. Often we don’t need to ask as the help arrives within seconds.
I have found that too Marion, that asking for help opens up some lovely, unexpected connections with people. We are so social by nature, we love to work and be together. Asking for or offering help certainly brings this out.
Today after swimming I was in the group locker room with an 88 years old lady, who said she couldn’t dry her back properly, let alone put some moisturizer on. So I offered her to do that for her. What a way to start our days connecting like this and me tenderly massaging cream on to this lady’s back, who simply accepted it and was melting in it.
I bet she was melting in it…. feeling and receiving all of you. Gorgeous sharing Monika in how easily we can connect and support others….
She did melt and accepted without holding back all the love I am and shared with her. The connection we established filled us both with joy and stayed with me whole day. As a follow up I kept meeting people in the train and at work who wanted to connect too. So the whole day built in love on this start.
So gorgeous Monika R, thank you for sharing this.
The gorgeous follow up is I saw the same lady this week when I left the pool she entered. Her whole face lit up when she saw me. Then there was a moment for both of us that felt to me like I had a choice to either pretend we didn’t connect on a deeper level last week by the back-creaming experience and say hello casually or go deeper again in this week’s connection without cream being involved. We chose the latter and chatted for a while. This deepening of us connecting is what I bring to everyone I meet today and invites me to build up on. There is always more and we can always go deeper, a constant evolving.
Monica it just shows how responsive we are to connection when we allow it…it is better than any movie, ice-cream and many other novelties….it’s free, its in all of us, the love that is felt in connecting with each other….
A truly joyful sharing for both of you to take into your day!
This is one of the great joys of nursing, being able to massage people’s backs in the shower or bed. I feel this is one of the most healing parts of a hospital stay, having nurses gently care for your body and being.
I can imagine this to be super healing to be touched and cared for with attention and love. Exactly the support your being and body needs when you are hospitalized so all your energy can go to recovering and healing.
I can feel that Fiona, so true and lovely to have you – and people like you – in our hospital wards.
Beautiful Monica, I love connections like this.
Me too Christopher. The beautiful thing is the woman and I can’t go back to before after our contact, the connection keeps deepening every time we meet.
Could it be we feel more save in offering help than accepting it, because we can stay in control more? Feels like the movement outwards is more easy for us than allowing the other and the love he/she is in our heart. Great reminder that asking for help is actually giving the other (and yourself) a gift, the gift to express love and care.
So true Monika R, this tender exchange is scarce in todays world, yet its power to inspire love is one of our greatest medicines.
Not only stay in control but also what can lie sneakily underneath is that we can feel superior… giving us a false boost if you like to our confidence, especially if one is lacking is self-confidence/self-worth….an old habit of mine that kept me distracted to dealing with my own stuff…..
I can very well relate to this pattern of pretending that I can manage anything and keenly jump on any task or problem that will allow me to not focus on my own stuff that calls to be dealt with. Realising this pattern and gradually changing my behaviour has allowed me to finally not blame the world for anything that happens in my life, but to look at my doorstep first.
I also know the pretending game and hating having to ask anyone, even if it’s something I don’t know but just don’t want to admit, but these days I am asking for more clarity and if I am unsure I make it clear that I want full understanding of the subject at hand. Actually saying I don’t fully understand how to do a task or what something means out loud to someone who can teach me, is not admitting failure or means I am less, it just means I don’t fully understand. I now get that there is no shame in asking questions and admitting I don’t know something.
I feel you may be right about feeling safer when we offer help than when we receive it Monika,.is it something about ‘one good turn deserves another’? Before I felt comfortable about asking for help, I never wanted to be beholden to anyone else. I was always willing to help others, and never felt I was owed anything in return, so why did I assume others would not feel the same. Now I understand about the gift of opportunity to share self care and love by asking for help – its so joyful.
That is so true, the control keeps us from asking help, while asking and getting help is often so relieving, we can let go of the control and just accept that what is offered to us. It is a gift, and all are actually always there to help.
This is not something I had considered Monika but of course, because we’re opening ourselves up to be vulnerable in asking for help.
So true Monika, I know that I have in the past felt safer in offering help rather than being on the receiving end of it. Since developing a loving relationship with myself, I now enjoy accepting help when it is offered. At times when I feel myself not so sure about accepting, I realise that I have disconnected from myself.
Monika so true, I have always found it easier to offer help, then accept or ask for help. It’s crazy but that’s how I lived for so long. Now I have started to ask for support, help and it feels so much more supportive and loving. I find that in this exchange there is a great level of respect shared.
Isn’t it interesting how we consider asking for help makes us ‘less’ than another, where what we actually experience is equality.
Well said Monika. Control is definitely underneath this behaviour for me. I am very quick to offer help but am often reluctant or don’t even think to ask for help. This feels like a vulnerable moment as I may be rejected or I may have to deal with being loved way more than I am used to!
That is a great point, Monika.
I think you have hit the proverbial nail on the head Monika…when we offer it is on our terms but when we receive, there is much more openness and vulnerability in that transaction.
When we ask for help there is the possibility we can get rejected. Perhaps we don’t ask for fear of rejection. But when we chose that option, we only stay in our protection and isolation.
I so agree with you Nikki. I experienced last week what a deep healing it was for my partner and me to support a fellow student, who broke her wrist and her partner, with whatever we could. They really let our love and support in and said YES to my suggestions to do this as a group and not just the 2 of them. Very inspiring to be part of and I am certain it will be different for me next time to ask for support. Not asking for help is a perfect excuse to not deepen our connections and to not be more intimate and transparent with each other.
Sometimes busting out like this and asking for help or making other different choices feels like it is bending all the rules. This is what I love. Discovering what is true and what is not takes courage at times as we break free from the dogma and rules we have been so imprisoned by. It almost feels like a rebelling, as it seems to go against the tide, but the freedom and joy of truth cannot be denied.
“We can do anything, but not everything” is something I heard a while back and has stayed with me, for I realise in trying to do anything and everything myself, I miss out on life and the people within it, all of which is actually much more important to me than being able say I can do it all myself.
Not only did you get help with your bag but you also connected with a total stranger, very good Sarah
Its very empowering to be able to ask for help, and in those moments it brings the best out of others when they can connect to others in need ,as after all we all want to help each other its naturally in-built into us 🙂
Beautiful blog Sarah, and I can very well relate to that. It’s really quite ridiculous how we can choose to push on, feeling like a martyr, instead of simply asking for help. And how you describe that moment; it shows so clearly how enriching the experience is, for all involved. A true meeting with a true connection. Isn’t that what we all want our lives to be filled with?
The power in that simple moment of asking for help for both you and the gentleman. Love it!
I really love this Sarah, in you showing that self honouring for yourself, as you say, how you asked him, it was felt immediately. Your request wasn’t responded to in any way other than the same level of honouring your put out. Just loved how you asked in the first place, that is truly beautiful.
“But over the past four years I have started to make my life a lot less about struggle and much more about love and honoring and taking care of myself” This really shows that struggle is a choice but that making your life about loving and honouring yourself is one too!
True, Susan! To get rid of the habit of us “buying into the struggle of life” we need to explore ourselves to find the traps, hurts, build up protections etc. to get more and more clear about what’s truly being surrendered to the flow of life. There is more than we can even imagine!
Your blog is a great reminder not to identify with the struggle but rather just be honest and real and ask for support when it is needed. We do not become greater human beings simply because we can do everything ourselves. In fact it is the opposite, the more we are able to work together the greater it is for us all.
I love this Elizabeth, ‘ We do not become greater human beings simply because we can do everything ourselves ‘. True, and a great reminder, also, ‘it is the opposite, the more we are able to work together the greater it is for us all.’ Like the building of the pyramids, it certainly would not have been a solo effort, but teamwork and brotherhood.
This is so beautiful Sarah. So many times I have wanted help but have been too afraid of being rejected when I ask for it. Now I see it is me rejecting others when I refuse to acknowledge the true nature of people and allow a moment of connection.
Lovely comment Leonne. I can feel that my not asking for help shows I am choosing to play out the old record of struggling along on my own and denying a moment of connection. Through the struggle I lose connection with myself too.
Well said Brendan, and a great reminder for me to appreciate all that there is. I also find that I do not need to control how or where or from whom the support comes – it can be very surprising, but if I do not get in the way it will always be just what is needed.
Gorgeous Sarah, even though I used to be the same (the struggle, not asking for help, thinking I should and could do it all myself) from where I am now it seems so silly. It is beautiful to work together and to be open enough to be able to ask for help and to grant another the opportunity to help.
Such a simple and powerful example of how willing people are to help and how these everyday connections touch all of us deeply. We simply love to support another.
Yes, it is wonderful to appreciate the simple fact that we do love any opportunity to bring out our true and loving nature.
You’re right Gabriele, whenever I have asked anyone to help, they more than oblige, with no problem at all. We are not islands, I know I would support another who asks for help too, there simply is no issue in asking and receiving support from another person. It initiates a lovely encounter with a stranger that would not have otherwise happened. We really do not have to struggle alone.
Thank you Sarah, your blog is simple and inspiring, I love these words, ” I realise it was how I asked him that made the difference – I came from a place of tenderness, honoring and care in wanting to support myself in every moment and he responded with such tenderness and care.” Truly beautiful.
Thank you Sarah, this is a great reminder for all to express from the tenderness and fragility within us and let go of the ideals and beliefs that we have to do it on our own, once we do that we find there is so much support available in the most unexpected ways.
True Francisco, the fact is simple, we cannot do it all on our own – what a huge illusion : ). But we are good at trying. And how much more fun is it to support each other!
I think the man would have just loved that you asked for help Sarah. I can imagine the gentleness and connection you offered him just in the asking and although he was initially surprised he was probably grateful for the connection and the opportunity to help. I feel it is innate in most of us to help when we can, I’m sure your interaction no matter how brief sent this man on his way feeling a warmth and lightness within himself, something that he may have gone on to share with another.
I reckon there are more people who are willing to give help than those who are willing to ask for it.
Great point Jinya. It seems asking for help is something many of us find difficult to do. This great blog shows how lovely that moment of connection is when we do.
Yes I agree Jinya – for sure!
Great point Jinya…. I feel this too, more people are willing to help than ask for help – worth pondering on.
What we don’t need to do everything on our own? This is groundbreaking truth…to appreciate that there is so much support out there if only we are willing to let others in.
I use to see myself as weak if I couldn’t lift my bags and there is no way I would ever ask for help. Now, I see that a woman’s body does not have the natural strength of a man and that it is self-honouring to ask for help when it is needed. Often I don’t even need to ask for help as interestingly at times a man will appear (sometimes I’m not sure where from) and offer to help. I now love accepting this help.
I read your comment this morning and then about an hour later I went to make my way through a side alleyway and half way through I saw the entrance was locked. And I went oh…..I was running a bit late and would now need to walk all around the block. Then suddenly this man appeared (seemingly from no-where) and I asked if he could unlock the gate to which replied…yes. Of course. The magic of men (and God) is everywhere. We are supported more than we ever ever know.
Great comments, support is there more often than not in so many different forms. God has magic ways in putting ‘men’ on our paths. I cannot help but smile when this happens.
Yes very true Elizabeth. In asking for help, it may inspire that person to ask for help themselves in the future, and thus honour what they’re feeling. Little things like this are all important in changing the world from a judgement-fuelled battle ground to somewhere we naturally support one another.
And I just love the idea of asking a total stranger something so random! You have painted such a great picture of a man being asked out of the blue to help you, being a little surprised (of course), but I imagine rather enjoying being asked and being able to assist. I reckon he would have regaled the story at his dinner table and would be inspiration for others too. Awesome knock on effect.
I read this again before I went to bed tonight – after reading it this morning. During the day I noticed how much people really do enjoy interacting with strangers when they have a chance, and each time we ask for support – we really are including someone else in such a beautiful way. It is our nature. We are not solitary creatures.
I totally agree Simplesimon888, as I often speak to people at bus stops, on the park bench, standing in line and also offered help when it was needed, and never have I been rejected. People are more open than we let ourselves believe, and I agree we are not by nature solitary creatures.
I have been noticing that too, Simon, people enjoy so much interacting with strangers whenever they see a chance. We actually have to fight or numb this natural impulse actively otherwise we would do it all day long.
That’s true Simon, we are not solitary creatures, and it’s such a gift to meet another, no matter how brief the interaction.
WoW Sarah, an amazing story, with so much to learn from. I know all about ‘that little scene of drama’, as I too have made many such scenes, looking for recognition that I was dealing with something stressful and not asking for help. I would have been thinking, ‘Look at me everybody, Look how capable I am even in the face of a drama, I don’t even need to ask for help’ Blah blah! It is funny now for me to think that was worth applauding, but I certainly did too.
I often observe how we push on through and say we are fine when we are clearly not. The other day I saw a lady precariously balancing various packages which looked like they were all about to tumble to the floor. It was raining (although at this moment we were under the awning of a shop) and she was rushing and I instinctively wanted to help her but she was too quick and gone before I had a chance to offer. It takes a moment to put a bag strap on a shoulder or re-stack a pile of packages and yet those small adjustments have such a huge impact on whether it feels honouring the way we are carrying or whether there is tension as we are holding our bodies in such unnatural ways.
Sarah, I recall a similar situation where I asked for help from a young man on the way home from the supermarket and noticed his initial surprise at me asking but we engaged for a moment and then he insisted in walking with me to my door. It was such a lovely interaction and felt so honouring to be asking another for support rather than identifying in the struggle.
I am about to move house and have been offered by my family to help me pack and sort however I have chosen to do it all my self as they are busy at work. I am recognising that by allowing them to support me that gives space to support them, and there we have it, a family working together to support each other. No need to be doing things by ourselves.
I absolutely loved reading this Sarah. Thank you for sharing. what I get from this blog is brotherhood and reflection. Brotherhood in that we are all there supporting each other if we so choose and the reflection that you gave that man and how he responded with such gentleness. This is beautiful and is a lovely example of how humanity can live together.
I had a huge lesson with this today. I came to an old pattern where I repeatedly do not allow assistance that is offered, then get into a situation where I compromise how I (and others) feel because of how much I have taken on to do! The moral of the story for me today is that the help we need is always there, nothing needs to be a struggle and we just need to allow the support that is there to show itself – as it invariably will.
Great reminder Amelia. Nothing needs to be a struggle – “nothing needs to be a struggle and we just need to allow the support that is there to show itself.”
Well said Amelia, when we allow it the help will always be there for us. I have found that initially I had to really go out and ask for it but these days it just appears at the right time and the right place. I am still learning to trust in this and to surrender to the fact that we are all held and continuously supported in this life.
Absolutely Amelia, nothing needs to be a struggle and in fact life is effortless and super simple. If we are connected to ourselves and move in that way whatever or whoever is needed constellates by the quality we move in.
Well said Amelia, easy to get caught up in the struggle, rather than just surrendering and allowing the support to show itself.
I also find the more I confirm that I am a very lovely woman, the more I can let others see that.
Gorgeous Sarah – when we do these things we break the isolation that we often feel in society and all it takes is those small things that are actually huge because they confirm that we are all one big family there to help and support each other.
I absolutely agree Matts that this example of a loving and very simple connection has the potential to begin to break down the isolating barriers we have built around us for way too long. A few “excuse me, can you help me” moments will go a long way to demolish these unnatural barriers.
How much complication must we invite into our lives because we are bound up in familiar beliefs and don’t even realise we are being run by these made up ideas and rules? You lightheartedly make this clear through your story Sarah.
Indeed Deanne, this moment cuts through all those beliefs about not asking for support from people you do not know and helps break down the consciousness around what is true family and community.
Sarah, this feels so lovely how you descibe the connection you had with a man you don’t know. Reading your blog I feel how important it is to include humanity in my rythm and livingness, be aware of the power I bring and give them a chance of connection.
Playful and beautiful to read Sarah ” I came from a place of tenderness, honoring and care in wanting to support myself in every moment and he responded with such tenderness and care.” what a blessing. Thank you for sharing this.
It is very beautiful to be connected and ‘received’ by a woman that way; it is a way of honouring each other in our natural willingness and joy to share and support each other.
Not many women are open to being like that when help is offered or given to them, making such moments so much less and actually a missed chance for truly meeting each other in such simplicity and love.
It is this kind of moment when we meet people in a quality that makes us light up, feeling met in essence, which is always very special but simple and natural.
What a joy to connect with a stranger in the supermarket, and just share a moment. As you say Alex, the person feels seen – and by someone they don’t even know! Fabulous…
It is funny how connecting with a stranger in the supermarket has become such an unusual thing. When did every day connection with each other in the places we frequent the most, become so unusual? In the supermarket especially it feels awful to register how checked-out most people have become (pardon the pun). And it can sometimes feel like other people are actually an inconvenience in this environment, especially on busy days. The observation of this microcosm of disconnection – disconnection from our bodies, from our food, from each other – is an interesting reflection of what’s happening in the wider world. And how beautiful then to feel how transformative and healing a simple little gesture like asking for help can be. The ripple effect of meeting each other in the quality of true connection is potentially enormous.
This is what we all want, to be in our light and share it with others
So true Alex, everyone craves being met, and most people live without it. Its just about connection, and if they can help you in a moment its all round blessing.
Very well said Alex – in moments like this we literally light up what is naturally who we are.
In asking a stranger for help is so much grace appearing as this little gesture shows, how people are beyond their protection manners truly open, facing and willing to help another fellow human. These moments are full of magic and unconditional love shared between “strangers” who become brotherly for one moment. To ask another person for help is such a simple yet deep gesture of opening up, trust and appreciation for oneself and the other – yes, it is just magical… I love those moments, as I love to help, when I see it is needed, as I love to witness such a situation between others. It is always a reminder of who we truly are – in brotherhood.
That is very true Sarah – the power is in HOW you asked – no apology, no embarrassment – just from you being honest about the support you needed in that moment. A place of tenderness, honouring and care. Thank you for the beautiful sharing.
I loved reading this blog Sarah and the reminder to honour ourselves and ask for support when needed. In the past I would do it all on my own as well not daring to ask for support, but interestingly I would always be there for another offering support in whatever way I could. This is changing as I develop more self-care into my life and I notice that asking for support is actually empowering and can lead to some beautiful moments as you shared.
Sarah I totally love that you asked him for help. Such a simple little moment in which we can break through the barriers we all seem to carry around. I bet he went home feeling totally lovely for the interaction.
Yes, breaking down the barriers and asking for help is a powerful antidote to our habitual ways of living in protection and separation from each other. I am going to take this into my day and experiment with it.
That’s so true Simon, we believe that asking for help is a burden on another and yet when asked in a loving tender way there is an opportunity for connection and reflection which is what the world desperately needs.
I agree fionacochran01, it is so refreshing to see that by asking for help we are allowing another to express their love. This totally shatters those ideas that we are being a burden.
Oh completely Fiona and Vicky – smashes that one out of the ballpark. People love to help others.
Indeed such simplicity and joy in that moment perhaps this is what true intimacy may look and feel like and that it can be shared between anyone not just the few special people we are close to.
Sarah, gorgeous yet simple example of how when we love and honour ourselves we can come out of our self-imposed ‘containers’ and ask for support, as most of us are so willing to give it at a moments notice and in that the simple impulse of brotherhood is felt.
Those containers are killers Kate… being with people is so natural, and yet we live in silos much of the time. Time for us all to be more open, and just naturally share who we are with one another.
One of the things I love about this Sarah is how the man was a little surprised at first. And as you say – most people are these days. Was it really that long ago when we lived in a world where it was really easy to stop someone in the street and say hello? Or ask for help or directions. Where we felt like even though we didn’t know someone they were still very easy to approach. I think every single one of us misses that. And it shows that after the initial surprise – there is always a warm smile just bursting to get out and be seen.
So true Simon. As much as we may avoid it, we all want to connect. I am amazed when I catch the tram in the morning to work and the entire tram is silent, everyone in their own little worlds, not even an acknowledgment or a smile. So when I hop on and say hello to the person next to me and meet those around me by looking in their eyes and smiling, people are taken aback. It’s like we take our home with us everywhere we go, living behind our four walls, living in separation and denying the love that is right there in front of us. And sometimes all it takes is a smile for those walls to come crumbling down…what a difference that could make to someone’s day!
Great analogy Sara – we do take our homes with us and now we take our TV screens as well. These types of contacts do breakdown those walls. We desperately want to be seen and met (even though we dont outwardly live like we do!).
What a beautiful example of the potential there is in every moment to connect and share a loving moment with a complete stranger. The gesture of asking for help is such a simple and powerful antidote to the pain of separation most of us have experienced in our lives.
It is so unexpected when another stranger approaches us to connect and yet we create that separation with all our barriers and protection of self-reliance.
And it does feel like that Jenny, that we walk around with barriers up, a protective fence separating us from the potential another has to hurt us. So we can see that as our responsibility, to take an openness and willingness to connect to our every interaction, and not be invested at all in whether another is willing to drop their own guard, but certainly allowing our own to drop to provide that potential.
It is so very true Janet that in every moment we have the opportunity to: “to connect and share a loving moment with a complete stranger”, and from the connection we are no longer strangers. It continues to amaze me as to the depth of connection that is possible with another if our eyes meet, even for a single moment in time.
Ingrid – I love how you share that from connection we are no longer strangers – that is so true – it is how everything starts out – the greatest friendships, bonds with families – all starts with the same thing – connection.
We seem to know how to make strangers of ourselves when the truth is we are all the same.
With these words Janet Williams, I can feel how healing these moments of vulnerability can be for both parties, when shared from honouring our tenderness, sensitivity and humanness, rather than a neediness which can have a demanding quality about it.
Beautifully said Janet – it is such a powerful antidote for sure. It melts us.
That’s beautiful Janet – I love that the ‘antidote to the pain of separation’ is as simple as being open to engaging with people we don’t know. Being willing to drop our guard and truly connect with another in such fleeting and ordinary moments creates a momentum of living in true connection and joy.
This week I asked for support from my team at work to help with something.
The past few weeks I had done it myself, but I felt into it and it came naturally to ask for their support.
To let go of the control of wanting to do everything and not wanting support was really key for me, and it has been the little things, such as simply asking this team to have a go, that has meant I communicate with them more to show them how to do it, that I get great feedback from them as they enjoy supporting me, and that the responsibility is shared and passed onto them and it feels as though we are a team and it is not just me against the world.
Asking for help not only benefits us but everyone involved.
Brotherhood in action hvmorden.
The title of your blog is something that I don’t hear very often. We can be so caught up in our own world that little consideration is given anyone else. In fact, there is no middle ground. What I mean is people go from what seems to be nothing to anger and rage in an instant. It is time for more of simply recognising each other and offering support where needed.
Thank you, Sarah, for your lovely sharing.
I still find it difficult to ask for support, afraid of being seen as not capable or weak, not responsible or pathetic.
But you are right – asking from a place of tenderness and self care makes the difference, I like it and will definitely give it a go.
Thanks again.
Beautiful elenalight. What I love about asking for support is the opportunity that it offers the other person. The offer of connection and the opportunity to provide support for someone. If sought in tenderness and from love, not a neediness, then this will be returned in kind as Sarah has shown.
As well as offering a reflection for that person so that they can see others nurturing themselves and may choose this also.
Absolutely Lee, the difference between asking for help from neediness versus from tenderness is totally different, it’s important for me to feel the difference.
Well said Lee, it is such a difference between the two and it is a real joy to assist someone when it is coming from love and tenderness within.
Sarah I enjoyed reading your blog. You remind me that it is quite lovely to include others in your day – even for something so seemingly incidental as asking for a hand to re-position your shopping bag. It has occurrred to me on previous occasions that for example in this case – this interraction may have been the one opportunity, the only words that were spoken to this person in one whole day. I have noticed that this is a real possibility certainly at this time of the year when the energy of lonliness can be seen written on the faces of some of the folk as they sit in the shopping malls watching the world go by.
Great point Roberta – if it is a bag handle re-positioning, a smile, a nod – any acknowledgement at all can be the only interaction people have. It is so needed to breakdown these self-contained units that we walk around in, to lower the walls of protection and return to our natural open selves.
Such a great blog, so playful, simple, light hearted and yet saying so much about letting people into our lives – any and everyone.
Sharing who we are in all simplicity as a very everyday thing, the extraordinary ordinary way of being with each other. As inconspicuous as it appears it is a gentle revolution that will spread by its very nature.
Indeed it will Alex, and nothing goes unnoticed. It all starts somewhere.
I love it Alex, ‘a gentle revolution’. Stories like this are worthy of going viral on Facebook.
A gentle revolution indeed Alex, towards working together and supporting one another…back to what is in fact most natural.
Yes, and because it is so natural as we all can feel with every cell in our body we all long for it, knowingly or unknowingly, and the moment we are offered to be met, connect and commune we light up. The latest music video of Heaven´s Joy is just about this most natural simplicity: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmEwwvZOYwc&feature=share
“The extraordinary ordinary way of being with each other” expresses the simplicity and naturalness of being our true selves with each other in everyday life, and I love the idea Alex of a gentle revolution that will by its very nature spread this extraordinary ordinary way of being to all.
So playful indeed. I can just imagine the slight shock at being asked to assist someone with putting a bag back on a shoulder and how delightful to be able to assist in this manner. I am sure we have all been in a similar situation, but who has actually asked for this help? I love it Sarah.
I really don’t think I have ever asked a stranger to help me out with such a simple problem, but I just love how it made both Sarah and the gentleman feel.
I also love it Lee, I for one have not been one to ask for help, but have realised the gift that Sarah was able to give herself through asking for help was extended to the gentleman, and together in that moment they shared something beautiful. I realise now that when I hold back, in anyway, I can be stopping the natural flow of love between myself and any other, be it a loved one or a stranger in the supermarket.
Yes it is so much about letting people in and the more you do it, the more you see how much it is needed.
Absolutely Sarah – I really love that you highlighted the fact that it was the way you asked for help that allowed for the beautiful connection between you and the man who helped. I can feel there was absolutely no need in this, just a simple recognition of the loveliness of each other and the joy to be found when we connect and support each other. True support is always a two way street and I can feel that this man was ‘helped’ by your interaction as much as you were.
Honouring oneself and allowing oneself to be honoured for who we are is a beautiful gift of true appreciation and joy that can be felt and is a real way to be in life and this has been shown to me also by Serge Benhayon and his family and is an inspirational way to live simply and with joy and is a forever learning.Thank you.
It is one of the loveliest things you can do for yourself and another. In the big and the small.
Sarah this is a great point you have shared in keeping things simple. As a women I have often felt that I shouldn’t ask for help as I ‘should’ be able to carry anything and in most cases I didn’t want to look like I wasn’t coping in carrying the loads. It is incredible how the simple act of ‘just asking’ brings support in an instant and also shows us that we don’t have to do things on our own.
As a man it is hard to ask for help or to suggest that you are not strong enough to carry something. Sometimes it is lovely to ask for help, even if I can lift an object by myself it is much easier to share the load. Thank you Sarah for inspiring me to seek the support that I need, even in the little things.
It is much easier Lee to share the load, and inviting as well.
Hi Lee, great point that you ave brought up, asking for help not just because we are in dire straits and really need it but supporting ourselves so we don’t get to that point in the first place, because we are worth it.
I love that what this allows for is an acceptance of our fragility and vulnerability. To me it was a revelation that the acceptance of this empowers the woman. Not weak, but an invitation to allow love in and allow it out in an embrace to all – an understanding that we are all part of a one humanity and that for harmony to occur an acceptance that we can’t do life alone but welcome everyone along for the ride.
Absolutely Michelle, re-learning to feel my fragility and vulnerability has been a real revelation and accepting all that I am as a women. Definitely not weak and also being able to ask for help. Usually and still do at times, move things, carry things, just take on more than I feel to, because I have always felt so capable. But it was more than that, it was because I wasn’t truly feeling what my body was capable of, I just pushed through, or not having the confidence to ask someone for help as Sarah has so beautifully shared. I feel that has changed and changing all the time, to feel I can.
There is nothing more sweet to me than watching a child support another one with complete openness and love. Why would this not be the same for us as adults? If I were looking down on planet Earth with the love that I am and saw two adults doing the same, the sweetness would be no different.
Many do soldier on alone, but with one small exchange such as this, a heartfelt connection is re-awakened, so naturally within us all.
Interesting that one Kristy – “I dont even know where I picked it up from”. We pick up, carry and filter our life through so many ideals and beliefs that we dont even know we are carrying. That is why I love reading this blogs/comments because it exposes so much of what we can take on.
Very familiar Kristy – an old ‘who knows where it came from’ pattern that I am learning to let go of, and and in that, seeing that it is always my own responsibility to let people in – or not.
As soon as we choose to let people in it is most natural to care and offer support and than to learn to ask for help when needed. And people love to help.
A beautiful story Sarah. We all melt when we feel another’s gentle loving care. When we are open to the support it seems to be there and in a way that meets what we require. It just goes to show we all know how to deeply care for each other. It also reminds me to not absorb ‘how it is’ but to open my self up to everyone and understand everyone is just like me.
Well said Rik – we do melt. When ‘strangers’ smile on the street, it is one of the most beautiful things in the world. We do know how to deeply care for each other.
In the past I struggle to do the impossible around the house trying to lift things that I would take a man or two to do and have become very angry with myself for not being capable of carrying out the task by myself and by the time I would also ask family member for help I was angry and it came across in the way I asked especially if they had been watching me struggle and not offering to help. Naturally they would pick up on my anger and respond in the same way. This blog also points out the way we are with others is the way we will be responded to.
“I came from a place of tenderness, honoring and care in wanting to support myself in every moment and he responded with such tenderness and care.” This is like music, Sarah: you were in a loving quality and the other person was able to respond in precisely that same quality and honour you also in a loving way: what beautiful reflections you were to each other – reflections of the truth of who both of you are…totally gorgeous.
A great reminder to ask for help this is something I still struggle to do. As you say the way you asked for help came from a place of tenderness, honoring and care and it sounds like the person you asked for support felt that and responded with the same tenderness.
So true Susan.
It is amazing what we see and experience when we accept that support from another is natural, and something we all divinely want to do for another, as well as accept from others.
So simple, Sarah – you reach out for some support and in the process offer another the opportunity to re-connect. How gorgeous! And how beautiful to appreciate how far you have come, with your openness today to call for the help rather than struggle on alone.
I can feel when reading your comment Ariana that asking for help is a strength as it goes against all the ideals we have about asking for assistance.
Well said Toni. Honesty, honoring ourselves, honoring the value of others – very strong indeed.
I have recently been part of a team of people whom have supported a person after major surgery. I have learnt just how much I have been missing out on by not asking for support when needed and not just that, how I have stolen the opportunity for others to offer support. I always felt to ask another for support was to put them out, yet I have fully enjoyed supporting my friend as she recovers. Asking for support is not all about me, it offers so much to everyone involved.
This blog has made me realise that asking for support is actually not just about me and the help I need but it is much bigger than that – it is a constellated moment of connection that is shared with another person and therefore when I ask for support it is actually supportive for the person who answers my call for help as well as for me.
I agree Marika, it is those simple, out of the blue connections with another which really support the day to sparkle.
The connection Sarah, you made with this man in your brief exchange was gorgeous to feel. The potential to connect with strangers like this on a daily basis is huge.
I recently was at the supermarket with my Dad in the check out area, and there was this lady who had a shopping bag and a box to carry. She was struggling a bit but eventually left the supermarket? At this stage my father and I were angry at ourselves for not stepping in to give her a hand but I also wished this person had asked for help.
This is a great example Alexandre of how we all want the same thing – but play this silly game of no one wanting to make the first move like shy little children! All it takes is one person to be brave enough to say what is really there and everyone else feels free.
I can feel the deep tenderness and honouring of you in this blog Sarah. Gorgeous.
Sarah thank you for sharing your very simple yet magical moment. I think that what actually happened in that brief interaction probably went far deeper than perhaps either of you felt. A moment where a woman was in her essence which enabled a man to remember his essence and for both to feel how life is meant to be. Beautiful.
Yes, on the surface it seems to be just a moment but the impress is far more meaningful and will sprout over time.
As soon as we start to feel our body struggle, that’s a big red flag for us to look around for some support and to lovingly honour our selves, rather than to brace ourselves and push through, which I know has been my normal modus operandi, at the expense of my gorgeous body.
I agree. Or support others without them even having to ask?
Sarah- what a beautiful experience of a stranger (- fellow man) supporting you in need because you were able to be vulnerable and showed selfcare and self honour in asking him a favour.
I love what you share Sarah. I always find that every situation is perfect – just what is needed for everyone involved. As you share, not only did you honour you, but you gave someone else an opportunity to connect and support another. We do tend to walk in crowds, totally disconnected from all around us, when all we all truly want is love and connection.
Yes – a gorgeous sharing of how others naturally respond in like quality to the quality we are in: in connection, we are connected with!
So true Carmin, all we need to do is be open and the opportunities for connection are all around.
This is lovely to read Sarah – a simple request of needing help to put the handle of your bag back up on your shoulder and in that moment a great opportunity to connect to the tenderness and care from another human being.
So true Marika, it is the simple connections that make our day – i know they make mine. Now I’m even more aware to not miss an opportunity the do this. Whatever is happening is perfect for a reason. Whatever is presented is the perfect opportunity to support me and another when asking for a shared response to what is before us.
I just love and really appreciate the strength of men now where as I used to reject it in my quest to be self-sufficient. I have come to equally appreciate the strength of women and no longer reject their support either. What a wonderful way it is to be when we honour, appreciate and utilise each other’s strengths and support – could this be the way to a more harmonious humanity?
The honouring of you Sarah is deeply apparent in this example. It is something we all can simply practice. I have offered many times help in particular to women whom I see struggling and it is met with not quite the same opens. I recall one lady was struggling with a large item on a truck – our neighbour – yet she was so determined to unload this thing on her own. It is a joy to read that the smallest thing in life we can ask for help with and others literally love to support. Great to read thank you for sharing.
Thank you Lee. It has not always been that way (and sometimes it still isn’t when I want to identify with ‘struggle street’)…as I have been that woman who is determined to do it on her own and have said no to support. I can see now through comments like yours (and my own recent experience) how defeating that is for everyone. So much to learn at any moment, is there not?
So much to reconnect to Sarah and how amazing is every tiny nuance and unfolding.
Just today I was at the grocery shop walking back to the car when I saw a lady struggling with the weight of several heavy bags. I stopped and asked her if she would like me to carry a couple for her to her car. She said no but I could feel she was deeply touched by the care I offered her. It felt as though she received much more than the simple gesture to help in that moment.
Brilliant tonisteenson, it makes me realise that the offering is like a gentle hand up – they can reject it and yet the fact it was presented can melt the ice a little.
I totally agree, Lee: the beauty of the energy associated with such a small, tiny detail is truly divine! I also relate to noting how, at times, women reject these offerings of support by men. Why would we shut out those offering support? What’s going on for women in that situation?
Coleen24 it seems that we all – men and women have bought into the need to find equalness in strength and force, not in power through fragility and tenderness. The latter would allow us to fully express but certainly know that we need support (both sexes) at times and that it is absolutely needed and supportive.
Beautifully said, Lee: I see that we have, collectively, been duped into the belief that our status and our equality reside in force and forceful strength. That there is strength within fragility is something that is overlooked and even suppressed. I know when I have shared with colleagues that I am feeling fragile, they assume I am unwell! Great opportunity to offer a different meaning to fragility, though.
Yes great call out Marika – it would be confronting because of all the ideals and beliefs we have chosen to guide us instead of our hearts and bodies.
‘It’s not submissive or giving power away, but a deep accepting of support’ ~ beautifully said Ariana. It’s actually very natural for us to be this way.
Yes – it is an opportunity for the supporter to connect with their own Grace – I agree, Sara and Ariana.
It’s these small moments of connection that show us the enormity of the love we are held in and by. When we connect to this, we connect to all others and in this space ‘all that we are’, is so naturally shared. Often we walk through our daily life disconnected from this knowing as tiny little islands shuffling past each other doing what needs to be done just to ‘get by’. But all it takes is the warmth of a smile to melt the walls and bridge the seeming divide thereby showing us that we are all with each other all of the time, unified by love. In an instant an ‘island’ remembers the whole it is a part of and that the surrounding waters merely an illusion. I love these small moments that say such big things Sarah, thankyou for sharing this with us.
“But over the past four years I have started to make my life a lot less about struggle and much more about love and honoring and taking care of myself – in all situations, both big and small – especially the small.” This is an amazing transformation Sarah from what you previously shared, it’s the so called small things that can be a huge difference, as we separate our life’s into big tasks (meaning important and worthy of our full care and attention) and the small tasks (these are the everyday, mundane, chores, shopping brushing our teeth Etc. that we often feel are not important but have to be done so we can get back to the bigger tasks such as paying our Tax or buying a house). And yet I have found it’s the small tasks and details and the care and attention we bring to these that set us up for the day, and hold us in the quality of presence that we have done them in.
Great point Thomas, the commitment we have for the small details in our lives is very revealing of our commitment with the larger aspects.
So simple yet so profound Sarah. I was having this conversation only yesterday with someone about how asking for support used to be so foreign to me. I just wouldn’t go there having such a strong belief that I must do it all by myself. This is what a strong woman is right? Wrong! I have since discovered that my true strength is in my vulnerability and in me knowing how tender I am. This has turned things on their head as I learn how to ask for support and accept it from others…and it is very beautiful…with far less hardness and tension in my body as a result.
Reading your story Sarah, made me realize that when we don’t ask for help we stay separate, isolated units all going through life looking after ourselves, and not engaging with others, I often get the urge to help another a stranger in the street, but don’t because its not what’s ‘normally expected’, when I do offer help there are a number of different responses from, suspicion, mistrust or defensiveness to appreciation and joy to be helped.
I find that people love to help and so very often we are denying another the chance to share their love if we don’t receive it. There have been two recent occasions when I purchased a big heavy item and got it to my car in shopping trolley and then needed help getting it into the car. On both occasions at exactly that moment an elderly man appeared (a different one each time) and put it in the car for me. On both occasions I was genuinely impressed at their strength, care and loveliness & remarked on it. I was blessed by meeting and connecting with them, honouring my preciousness and also of course practically by getting the support. They loved being met, loved being useful and walked off taller and confirmed.
That is who we are, haha, men. No, honestly it is very nurturing to be received by a woman,i.e. she is open to let the man in with what he is offering – the care and support men love to give.
Sarah, love this, what a great example of how small everyday occurrences are an opportunity for learning and confirmation.
I agree rosannabianchini, it’s the smallest details in life that can offer the greatest learning.
It’s interesting to observe the reactions of people when I offer help carrying prams or bags up / down stairs in the terribly designed London Tube network. In some I detect a surrender and a relief. In others I feel a pride in not needing to ask for help and being asked if help is needed is an indirect insult. Both reactions show how conditioned we are in thinking life is a struggle for survival, a belief I have given my power to also.
This is so true Jinya. We see life as a struggle and so we often don’t ask for help when we need it because we see it as a sign of weakness to do so. This belief keeps us divided as Sarah’s blog so gorgeously exposes, because as soon as we reach out for another, all we feel is love – where our true power lies. Therefore it is our stubborn pride that holds us back from feeling this, which says to me that it is our pride that is the weakness and not the asking for help. Our pride feeds the belief that ‘life is a struggle’ and in this we are identified and our misery is confirmed. It is so simple to arrest this but we seem to be ruled by this belief that life must be hard and if we aren’t caught in the struggle we have become so identified by, where will we be? What will we do? This demonstrates to me how terrified we all actually are in surrendering to love – we are so busy struggling to survive, we forget to live life in all its simple glory.
Beautifully said Liane. Terrified is the exact word. I have felt it myself in a not so conscious way. But the result that I experience is very conscious and very self-identifying. Being terrified of surrendering to love and living that simple glory is crazy. Everything is upside down on this planet.
Learning how to accept support and let go of the lone struggle…I know this well! I love that you continue to ask Jinya, it gives people a moment to consider what they are doing even if they can’t accept it right away.
The last time I traveled I had a very large suitcase, which I had to carry up and down flights of stairs at two train stations on the way to the airport. It was a REALLY interesting experience both in terms of how others helped or avoided me and how I felt as I struggled when no one offered any help at the first station and actually got annoyed with me for taking so long to get down the stairs, in fact one young girl swore at me. I felt very hurt, but it wasn’t so much from the verbal abuse, it was my own lack of self love, that I couldn’t stop and ask someone for help. It felt such an intrusion to stop someone and ask them to help me when everyone was rushing to get down the stairs.
Interesting observations Jinya. Even if we view life as a struggle for survival how on earth did it get to the point where we actually believe we are stronger or more likely to survive alone than together?
Wow. Believing that ‘we are stronger or more likely to survive alone than together’ – quite shocking when we put it like that, but it’s true though when we consider how much we as a species still pretty much owned by competitiveness, comparison, dog-eat-dog attitude and over all separativeness.
Yes – struggle and pride, Jinya – you have it there, for sure -and this often comes under the mental belief that this is ‘equality.’ We need to redefine equality……..
Such a great insight Jinya – different reactions but showing us there is something underneath in the way we live that is really not very supportive.
Realizing that we do not have to struggle on our own, but can simply ask each other for support is a big thing and a step towards realizing that we are all one big community of equal human beings.
I had an incident this evening where I needed help in the form of a second opinion about a loved one’s health. It was difficult for me to ask for this type of support and when this second opinion confirmed my own I thought I had wasted my time – however, it felt important and significant that I sought this second opinion. I immediately remembered this blog that I had read the day before and felt the importance of the act of seeking support, not just the support given. Thank you for the inspiration Sarah.
This made me remember that where I generally do my fruit and vegie shopping, there is one of the staff there who knows I had surgery a few months ago.. In the very initial weeks, I intentionally asked for support to take my bags to the car as I was not supposed to be lifting anything, and several times since – even though I’ve been quite physically able to now carry my bags – he has still offered to take them to the car. Not so long ago I would have declined the support and done it all on my own – but I’m learning to appreciate how lovely it feels to both ask for, and receive and accept support …
It comes as no surprise to understand that support is always at hand. For years I did things alone, I didn’t struggle, in fact it was much easier than doing things with someone, but in that was a hardness, which could be felt in my body. Opening myself up to allowing others in and to be as equals alongside me has simultaneously embraced the beautiful and sweet tenderness within.
Beautifully put Jenny, I could feel your sweetness.
I was just talking to a woman at Schiphol airport and she told me that nobody here helped her with her suitcase getting out of the train. I said: maybe next time you just turn to the person next to you and ask for help. That was a complete new insight for her. It feels that most of us have forgotten that we can always ask for help.
Yes, Mariette, we are needing to re-educate ourselves and each other to a more loving and supportive way of living in the world together side by side.
This blog is a great reminder that it is ok to ask for help this is something I have struggled with for a long time too.
How we are impacts on everyone we meet. It felt very joyful how you had the little encounter Sarah, and met the eyes of a stranger who was open and willing to help you as he walked by. We are not islands, we can interact with anyone we pass in the street by being open to this possibility.
Yes, deep down we are all longing for connection with each other, the sense of oneness and brotherhood we all so sorely miss.
Hi Sarah, when asked in tenderness and from a place of self-love, it is a natural thing to care for each other. Even with a ‘stranger’. Thank you for this sharing.
‘If I had not asked him, that opportunity for me to honor and take care of myself and the opportunity for him to support another would have been missed. I realise it was how I asked him that made the difference – I came from a place of tenderness, honoring and care in wanting to support myself in every moment and he responded with such tenderness and care.’ – Love this, it goes to show how everything affects everything.
Thanks indeed to you and the man, what a beautiful blessing for you both.
I loved reading your blog, such a simple yet powerful example of connectiion and reaching out to another. I really felt you honouring yourself and the other person.
Thank you Sarah.
Fabulous Sarah – one of the things I recognise from my own past was this – ‘ In the past, I would have ‘carried on’ regardless and had tins of tuna roll out onto the street, then creating a little scene of the drama of struggling to put the bags down, whilst retrieving the tuna from the kerbside and then carrying on to the car – and doing this without looking like anything had gone down!’ I would have done exactly the same, it was so spot on I had to laugh. Like you I am consistently learning to open up and allow others to see that I am not perfect and that sometimes a little support is not anly great but very natural.
It’s often easier to ask for help for the big things and this blog shows Sarah that you value and care for yourself enough to make this ‘small’ thing a priority.
I loved reading your simple story Sarah, and how you created an opportunity to connect with another human being. We often forget that people enjoy to help out and we may feel reluctant to ask for help but your story demonstrates how, when there’s no demand in a request, it is a pleasure to respond, especially for a man helping out a beautiful woman…. you probably made his day!
So simple, yet a very powerful blog Sarah. Self Care is super important. I realise that how I put my socks on in the morning or take my first step of the day has an effect on the whole universe, it really is that big.
Sarah, I think you made this man’s day by asking for help. People are wanting connection, craving intimacy, warmth and smile – and even when it’s a simple ‘Excuse me, can you help?’ from a stranger, it leaves a definitive imprint of what it could be like if we stop walking around as a solo-unit, staring mid-space trying not to catch each others’ eyes.
Absolutely Fumiyo, it’s the little connects or someone asking me for help that light up me up and bring joy to my day, and to the other person, this is brotherhood.
I think she just may have too Fumiyo. Men are naturally caring and wanting to help and I think they really spark up and shine when we connect to this and ask.
This is so true Fumiyo. people are craving intimacy and a connection with another, yet often they choose to not make eye contact least of all a smile or an acknowledgement. I am finding that the more I open myself up to others the more they open up to me and catching anothers’ eye can then be a joyful experience and an invitation to go deeper.
Gorgeous Fumiyo – and a great point. We often think we are being a ‘nuisance’ by asking people for help, but what if they actually enjoy the connection? What if that makes their day – being able to help someone else and being appreciated afterward.
Agreed Susie. I have always enjoyed when a passerby has asked for assistance, whether it be asking for directions or taking a photo etc.. it bursts our bubble of how society teaches us to behave with ‘strangers’.
I agree Fumiyo, Men in particular love the opportunity not only to help but to actually be spoken to and interacted with, makes me consider how many other golden opportunities for connection are there in our midst every moment of the day?
Absolutely true Fumiyo. And for Men especially there is so much each day telling us we are not enough. We need to be harder, tougher, earn more money, be fitter, be stronger. Simple moments that allow us to show how beautiful we are just as ourselves go such a long way.
I used to almost be defensive and protective of tasks which arose and needed completing at work in an attempt to have ownership of it. Having learnt to be much more open to the support that is around me I am able to actually lead a team based on equality in what is required rather than trying to control and manage it.
Great comment Michael, it has made my look at the ownership and control I feel over tasks at work and how stress-full that is, and how invested I am in the recognition and approval I seek from others and for myself in what I achieve at work, making my work about struggle, feeling burdened that I have to do it alone, even when I have people working for me, not really receiving the support they are offering.
Brilliant Michael, a work place based on balance and equality is so much more productive.
Absolutely Jo, and far less exhausting. Recently our workload has increased dramatically with more pressure and complications in the short term but working in this way means that although I feel tired at the end of the day I am not exhausted or caught up in the activity of the day.
I had never considered that the refusal to ask for help was an attempt to own the situation. It is crazy how we try to control things through the belief that they are ours. We all exist on earth together in these moments so that suggests to me the comments are not just ours but everyones.
Sarah reflecting on your blog I can feel a great blessing that your experience of asking for help brings, so often in the carparks, shops, streets we go about “our business” not connecting or relating with others. In one interaction you changed that, it shows the fact we all are deeply loving people when we feel the trust of another. It also shows that when we honour ourselves we naturally honour all others.
It’s amazing isn’t it David. The car parks and the work places and the shopping centres could all be places of really simple fun connection. Life would be very beautiful if we made that happen.
Careful Simon… what you are suggesting, strangers helping one another, supporting each other in their daily duties, before you know it we’ll all be smiling at one another too! I used to go to Manly beach very early every morning and walk or run for 5km. I would in the beginning be terrified to say good morning, or even smile at people, but I made a decision to do it, to simply say good morning. Often they would be shocked (Sydney can be a very isolating place), but what I would notice is I would often pass them a second time on the way back, and that time they always smiled.
Asking and receiving support is self loving and self caring, but mostly in our rush rush mode of our busy days, we don’t make the time to ask, getting stuck in our old habit of; ‘I can do it all on my own’, which keeps us in separation. So I love this line;’ wanting to support myself in every moment, just feels gorgeous. Will take this into my day!
I do love this blog. Over the years I have always prided myself on being able to handle things myself, often offering help to people but seldom asking people to help me, more out of a sort of pride or something. I just feel by offering and accepting help unconditionally we would grow together more as one humanity without the need of major disasters to bring us together in this way.
Yes Kevin, the unconditional offer or acceptance of help is something that supports us to grow together. I’ve never quite pondered on how it is to accept support unconditionally or appreciated how my doing so brings us together until now. Though I may tell myself otherwise, if I’m honest I have felt that asking or accepting help some how makes me inferior or vulnerable. I have a responsibility to uproot these beliefs because they are barriers to my appreciation and acceptance of myself and others. I do not want to contribute to the current situation where it is taking a disaster to bring us together.
Simply beautiful and profound Sarah, those seemingly unimportant interactions between people as you write about, are in fact far more than that. When we honour the fact that we love to be in connection with people and that we live here on earth together to work as a group and to interact with each other as this is the only way to evolve, asking for help and positively responding when being asked to help is the way to go. In the past I had the tendency to do everything on my own and I was proud that I was able to do that. But now I have found that it such joy to ask for the help of others as the interactions, the appreciation and the understanding for each other that comes with that are of a great value to me.
Wow this is so simple and so profound, l love this Sarah. What you share is complete medicine for me. I will often consider the big things and how they effect me but leave out the little details. I can very clearly see from your blog how that deep level of love and self care has to be in everything. Thank you.
I am beginning to realise that attention to the details is super important, as the little details support bigger details and complete the bigger picture… and there is always a bigger picture, as the more we pay attention to the little details the simpler life gets.
I can relate to that too, as I am now understanding the importance of the small details. Everything is connected and everything is energy, so every little detail matters, as it completes the bigger picture. So the deeper level of self care is so important.
You are most welcome. It has been such a delight to see the responses to this as it confirms so much. And one of those confirmations is that yes, it is the little details that make up the big ones.
Sarah,
Thank you, that was divinely gorgeous to read.
I’ve fallen for the “gotta do it alone” for most of my life up until the last few years. It didn’t get me anywhere, just a hardening of my body and a deepening of my stubborness. It is so freeing now knowing that we are always supported if we open ourselves up to it – sometimes we just have to ask.
Very awesome and true Donna, it’s the opening up to the possibility that the support is always there, should I choose to it, that is important here. I struggle with concept, because by opening up to the support from others, I cant stay in the story and idea I have invested in, that I am alone and have to struggle and do it alone, by slowly letting go of this I am more able to receive help from others, or even very occasionally I ask for help!
This is really true Donna, but yes as I am learning and seeing we have to be open to asking and receiving and actually being open to where the support will come from, as it may not come from who we think or in the guise we are expecting. Having no expectation definitely helps the openness.
I agree, Shevon, it is a learning to let go of control and be open for support in the way it comes.
It has been the same for me Donna, and I still fall prey to it at times. But it is truly lovely and inspiring when I ask for help that the other person is so willing and open to be there. It is incredibly healing for us to support each other. One day we may not even need to ask, we will be so connected we will see and feel the support needed and be there.
I know your body get so so so hard in this mode doesn’t it??
As you experienced Donna, resisting the love from others and not allowing in requires a hardening of our body. This means it’s not natural, and therefore it is our natural way to be loving, supporting and appreciating each and every one of each other, to be letting our love out and other’s love in – all the time.
Me too Donna. For a long time for me it was almost as if I felt I had to prove myself worthy also first before I deserved being a part of anything with anyone else.
Yes that’s true Donna, the ‘going it alone’ further ingrains the stubbornness and makes our bodies go so hard. I am just beginning to appreciate how gently I now treat my body and how i can feel so much more now that the hardness is falling away.
This is a lovely story Sarah. I have found that the more I opened up to help and support from others the more I began to find it was there waiting for me at every turn, and then it occurred to me that it had always been but I was not ready and willing to accept it. But like you, through the support of Serge Benhayon I have been inspired to love, care for and support myself more, to relinquish struggle and choose simplicity and now men appear as if by magic to lift my suitcase in the car or help take the pram up the stairs etc. It was letting go of my ‘addiction’ to struggle that opened my eyes and heart to help and graciously accept it. Now instead of thinking ‘why do I have to do all this alone” I look for the next angel to assist me. It really is a much lovelier way to live.
“It was letting go of my ‘addiction’ to struggle that opened my eyes and heart to help and graciously accept it. Now instead of thinking ‘why do I have to do all this alone” I look for the next angel to assist me. It really is a much lovelier way to live.” Beautifully and honestly put Jeannette, I find that struggling in life certainly feels like an addiction strongly held and invested in, an identity that makes me feel important, and that others should appreciate, love and value me, also keeps me separate from others. Thank you for your comment it has helped me unravel and let go of my ideas around struggle.
Wow, now thanks for your honesty in return Thomas. To see how we identify with struggle as who we are, to use it as a means to gain recognition is a HUGE wake up call – I have done this too. And another thing I am feeling is how I have also used struggle as a means to connect with others. If I had a problem I felt I could connect with my family and peers and not so without my struggle as the reason. This highlights how unworthy I felt of support, and connection for that matter for just being me, for just being a beautiful, fragile woman.
Addiction to struggle indeed, I so often see women struggling with heavy shopping rather than let their man carry it for them, it feels like sometimes we are so desperate to show we are equal to the men, we forget to appreciate their tenderness as well as their greater physical strength.
I think I had ‘ *****independant’ tatooed across my forehead when I was younger, and found it difficult to ask for help, even directions. Not any more,, men are so willing to help a woman and in asking we give them an opportunity to feel their tender strength. ( and now, when I go shopping in the supermarket, I use a trolley – no more heavy baskets !)
Beautiful call Carmel. I have been guilty of continuing to struggle, even though my husband has offered to help. I now find myself realising that in thinking I was being equal, I actually prevented a moment in our lives where I could have allowed him to support me. So in my hardness I actually ‘pushed him away’, by not accepting his offer of support. I no longer do this, but now realise that in doing so I was actually rejecting his love.
It makes me think how much women today champion their ability to multi-task to the max, to carry heavy loads, to do a million things a day, to do it all alone, to face great adversities and to raise children alone, to beat men in the corporate game, to become top of their fields at their own expense. And I think we have to ask – why are any of these perceived as a good thing when they clearly are not, when they obviously take such a huge toll on women and rob us all of their innate stillness, wisdom and nurturing.
Beautifully said Carmel. Men love being able to support and care for others, and also being able to show how tender and affectionate we are.
I’ve done it myself so many times Carmel… there is someone offering help and I say no and do it myself. No more… it is great to allow someone to support you, even with something as tiny as lifting up a bag strap.
Jeannette thank you so much for pointing out that help and support is there at every turn and it’s us who turn a blind eye when we are not willing or ready to accept it. This supports me to let go of the struggle I have so invested in. There is so much love to bring forth instead.
It is indeed a lovely way to live. And one that is a work in progress because some days I revert to the ‘do it alone way’ but those days are far less enjoyable, which reminds me which is much more lovely.
Life is so much more beautiful when we share it :-).
This is very beautiful jeanettegold, it feels like opening up our hearts gives permission for others to express love back in all sorts of ways and in all areas of our lives. Such medicine is opening our hearts
I have found that opening our hearts is the best medicine on Earth Joshua, the best for all ailments – physical, psychological and spiritual. If we blended this alone with all medical treatment plans miraculous healing would occur and world health would skyrocket.
So beautifully said. And I agree, it is a medicine that is rarely talked about yet it is the easiest, simplest and most accessible one we could ever take
It is a medicine that we MUST talk more about Joshua, for humanity is flailing in the grip of many pandemic diseases and a revolting amount of money has/is being spent researching cures that continue to elude us. The Way of The Livingness is a way of life that promotes, sustains and fosters total wellbeing – people deserve to know about this and so we must share our experiences. Blogs like this and medicine and truthaboutsergebenhayon.com / unimedliving.com / womeninlivingness.com are all fantastic forums for sharing, investigating and understanding The Way of the Livingness and all it has to offer humanity as an answer to our ills.
Humanity has spent aeons looking for answers in what can be done through the outside and time and again it has failed to deliver a truly prosperous society for all. The Way of The Livingness is most definitely The Way.
You’re Joshua – aeons have been wasted in pain and struggle. Albert Einstein said that ” Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results” and its very true. It’s especially insane when the Ageless Wisdom has always been there saying look within and live this way. In this era The Way of the Livingness is the this way.
Jeannette so true, relinqishing struggle is key and when we do ‘men do appear as if by magic’ Yesterday, my car steering wheel lock refused to release, despite several attempts. I sat and wondered what to do, call car rescue service, take the tube or cancel my appointment. At that moment a white transit car sped past and stopped 25 yards ahead of me. Dispelling a brief moment of doubt, I decided to ask for help and approached the van, the driver was on his mobile, so waited until he finished. He wound down his window and smiled. I said ‘ My steering wheel is stuck and I need some help. ‘No problem’ he said ‘ I can fix that. Jumped out of his van, walked to the car with a real willingness to help and certainty. He released the lock in seconds, still smiling. I looked into his eyes and thanked him and noted his eyes were smiling. A truly gorgeous moment.
Wow Kehinde, a great example of the living angels we can all be for each other.
True what you say Jeannette we can all be living angels for each other
Jeanette, I can so relate to what you have written, I always felt that I had to just get on with it and cope as help wasn’t available and I needed to prove to the world that I can do this just fine on my own. Like you, as I have opened up to help I have realised that it is there all along and that the stuggle I was so invested in is not needed. We can make life simple if we choose to, it comes down to a choice, a choice to see the help at every turn or not.
Absolutely Fiona and also a choice of either simplicity or complication.
Hi Sarah, I loved this blog! Thank you for sharing. It touched me deeply as what you have described here is how being ourselves with out a protection or a front allows another to be be their tender self. The Way of the Livingness is as simple as this!
Beautifully said Kathleen. Surrendering, and letting others in allows for greater Love.
Tenderness and surrender inspires tenderness and surrender.
Yes and the world needs so much tenderness and surrender.
Simply gorgeous Sarah. What really stands out for me when reading this “If I had not asked him, that opportunity for me to honor and take care of myself and the opportunity for him to support another would have been missed. I realise it was how I asked him that made the difference – I came from a place of tenderness, honoring and care in wanting to support myself in every moment and he responded with such tenderness and care.” is that we are continually presented with opportunities each and every day – we just need to stop, look and listen! By doing this we give ourselves the space to connect and experience the magic of the moment.
’we are continually presented with opportunities each and every day – we just need to stop, look and listen!’ – it is crazy how the world is set up to not take notice of these opportunities.
As I’ve built my self-worth I’ve found it easier to ask for support or even just allow and accept it when it is offered and needed! With a greater appreciation for myself for who I am I can see how being vulnerable isn’t necessarily a weakness and that I don’t have to go it alone.
I can relate to what you have written here Fiona, seeing vulnerability as a weakness robs us of so much. Life is so much richer when we allow and accept the help from others, which, like you have written, comes from building your self-worth.
Fiona,
This applies across the board in our lives. I do wonder where the belief that we have to go it alone comes from. When, in truth, we all have something unique to offer the world, that can and does support another, be that with our shopping, or with other experiences in life. One place in particular that I have come to value the support of others, is in understanding myself, my patterns and my own personal development in healing these patterns. Many I would not have been able to expose without the loving support of others.
A very well deserved thanks, Sarah! It is such a strange habit we have of walking down a busy street, struggling with something like grocery bags and not asking for help when we need it. We are not alone in this world!
What you address here Naren, is something we all have accepted as normal. To walk down the street with mind cuffs. Shut down to the outside world, either busy with mobile phones, music or a wandering mind. Opening up again is a choice: and it is one I never regret!
‘Mind-cuffs’ Love that image, christinahecke. It is far far far from normal, but it is definitely very common. And just because everyone does it still does not make it normal.
I to love that analogy Christinahecke,
“Mind cuffs”. How so very true. Often our deep feeling is to talk to a stranger, for example as we are unpacking our groceries to pay for them. Yet our mind, if we let it will give us the spiel we were delivered as children. “Don’t talk to strangers”. One simple line delivered by our parents can cut us of from humanity, if we do not see it for what it is, and go with our true feeling to communicate.
Could it be that we use this as an excuse to not face the fact that we avoid talking to strangers because we fear to be rejected? There’s many things our parents told us to do we then later ignored or even did the opposite.*
You are so right Naren! So let’s be walking transformation of the todays “normal” into a new, loving and open way of living to be the “normal” one day.
And when we live in protection and guardedness and are not open to connection and support from others we have our ‘heart-cuffs’ on!
Can we put the heart in cuffs? Isn’t it that the heart is constantly open but we allow the mind to seemingly cuff it by being too dominant – allowing to ignore the power of the body-intelligence?
When we live in a way that keeps others out and ourselves locked away in protection and guardedness we are placing a wall or obstruction which can prevent us fulling expressing the love that we are and that is constantly and unchangeably in our inner hearts.
Alright, I see: there is a way to cuff our hearts: by keeping others out and shutting down our sensitivity. Why do we keep choosing this contraction? What’s the attraction behind it?
Dear Christina,
Good point. It is very possible that we do not want to be rejected, so use lines from parents or others as a cover. Thank you, your comment has just removed another mind cuff.
Love that Andrew Mooney.
It really does feel lovely when I let people love me, and I love them. There is nothing more right in this world than simply this.
Love this example Sarah as it shows how your self care and tenderness not only felt great to you but was clearly also experienced, evidenced and enjoyed in the man that helped you! – a perfect reminder that to put care for ourselves first is not (only) for our own benefit ….and therefore, most definitely not a ‘selfish’ thing, as so often believed.
Well said Rosanna,
We can certainly let self care fall into the “you’re being selfish” category if we don’t see the grace that by caring for self we are actually caring for others. Setting a new bar in the world, as Sarah has shown is in her writting.
Wonderful example of self care Sarah. I used to be very proud that although I was small and fragile I was also strong and tough and I certainly didn’t need any help for anything. I even used to arm wrestle to prove how strong I was. These days I am proud to be a woman and when I feel I could use a hand even when I might manage alone I don’t hesitate to ask. What I didn’t realize before is that this way I offer someone else the opportunity to support me and that is beautiful.
I love the simplicity in this experience Sarah, really beautiful. A real blessing for this man in being able to be part of your self-honouring and livingness for a moment, which I am sure he will feel and carry with him for good.
Wow Sarah, this is so simple yet has such a huge impact. It’s amazing how complicated we can make life to be, and how simple honouring ourselves actually is. I am so thankful too, to be rediscovering all the ways I introduce complication into my life (carrying too many items is just one I could definitely relate to!), and reimprinting them with simplicity and self-honouring. I am discovering a whole new way of life, which is very liberating.
So great to read Sarah. I loved this. So often there’s an awkwardness to talk to a stranger, like we are not the same and shouldn’t communicate to one another. How different you have shown it to be. This would have stayed with for sure and offered both you and him something special.
What a great little episode of human connection and support. We are designed to work together.
Yes I agree Andrew and there is much joy to be found in this way of living.
Yes, so true, and we are designed to work together Andrew because two is always more intelligent than one, two has much more to offer, as does three and four and so on. If we can appreciate ourselves enough to then also appreciate others, we can begin to see the qualities in another that we are not designed to bring. That is a beautiful state as we then have no need to outdo other people, but instead gain their support and offer ours in kind.
I’ve had similar moments of accepting help from strangers and felt a beautiful appreciation between us, a reminder I am not alone and there’s a whole world of people to connect to.
Very true Annie – and we are only separated by our own choice.
Sarah, that’s a gorgeous story you share. These little things are big things as they allow us to share a beautiful connection with each other.
The more we allow ourselves to connect with each other, to ask for help when we need support, we will gradually develop an ease with being with each other and I feel with that will come a deeper level of care that we show towards each other.
We are just about to move in to a new apartment and there are many heavy things to cary. And the beauty is – the moment we open up for others there are constantly people assisting us, helping to carry and are happy to support! That’s a great joy to feel*
Sarah, I love the fact that you understand the power of giving someone an opportunity to help. When we don’t ask for help we actually deprive another of an opportunity to show how much they care and this to me is an opportunity missed. I am noticing more and more that people do actually want to help if approached lovingly.
I loved this too Elizabeth, so many opportunities are there for the taking and in particular these days as Sarah suggested, to connect each other and for a moment dissolve the isolated containment we can so easily choose.
Wow Elizabeth – what you say here is confronting but so true “When we don’t ask for help we actually deprive another of an opportunity to show how much they care and this to me is an opportunity missed.”
I loved that to Elizabeth. This understanding is new to me and I am just beginning to feel how, if allowed, others talents, abilities and care shine through when we ask for and accept help from them.
Yes, great point, Elizabeth. It has been my experience that people love to help and it gives them an opportunity to express their caring nature and feel a moment of togetherness.
Asking for help in this way is also valuing another, in that we are acknowledging that we are not in isolation , we very much need each other, and can surrender to the strengths of another, team work and brotherhood.
Very well said Elizabeth – it is like what is being presented here is the true meaning of being at service. It does not matter what you do or how big or small the task is.
Ah the simple things in life that are so profound Sarah. A moment where you chose to self-care is reflected and also physically shared with another. This imprint is now his to carry on to the next person and so it goes. Beautiful.
Thank you Sarah. I laughed when I read of your past dramas of your shopping rolling out everywhere and you carrying on regardless. It was so familiar to me as I too struggled alone for a long time. I was always queen of “I can manage on my own” and wore that invisible badge wherever I went. I can now see the futility of struggling alone and that it is in complete contrast to accepting loving support. When we ask for or receive loving support we are saying yes please to connection to our tender gentle selves and to another – then the magic can happen.
Yes Jane this makes me realise that ‘managing on our own’ is a form of protection or guardedness that we use to keep others out.
I particularly remember struggling when my children were younger, with all the paraphernalia you carry around, in addition to being able to scoop up an upset child for a cuddle …. I could have done with a few more arms ….. It seems completely ridiculous to me now that I allowed myself to believe that to ask for help would have been a judgment on my ability as a mother ….. there’s a sneaky ideal rearing it’s head …. I obviously had a ‘picture’ of how I should be as a mother and to have to ask for help was showing I wasn’t coping and therefore, wasn’t good enough. In truth, the opposite is true. To have asked for help would have been very honouring, and the love and tenderness that brought, deeply felt by my children, instead of the controlling hardness I went into to cope.
While I was reading I felt the simplicity and the joy of sharing. From sentence one I knew what it was all about and what would happen. Even though I knew, I loved to continue reading the whole story. I felt a joy inside myself. How amazing is it if it would be normal to ask for support AND accept that support in full (gratitude). Thank you for sharing!
So true Floris, we all love to be supported the same way as we love to give support. The appreciation for each other that is expressed in that is so needed In our strongly individualised lives we have build for ourselves. The individual lives that withholds us from engaging with each other as we champion the fact that we can do everything on our own. But in fact this is a way of living that is 180 degrees opposite of who we truly are. As to me we are all interconnected with each other and are here on earth to work and learn with each other how to live a life in brotherhood, a way of living that will eventually be our common destination in our evolution here on earth.
This is truly beautiful Nico. I love this pearl of wisdom “we are all interconnected with each other and are here on earth to work and learn with each other how to live a life in brotherhood”. Seeing life as one gigantic school is what binds us and connects us deeply. The more we are able to appreciate this, the more we are able to accept life and ourselves for what it truly is and offers. Thank you Nico for highlighting this. To me this is crucially important. And should be taught at schools from day 1. Maybe taught isn’t the right word as children naturally know and act on it. It’s only that they don’t express it as adults don’t talk about it. No wonder that they keep their expressions inside… Encouraged at schools from day 1 is a better word to me.
So true Floris, if we are inspired to use our inner wisdom from young instead of being forced to be something that we are not but is desirable for the society you are living in, life would become very different and in line with the origins of our being, as being Son’s of God on earth.
I find it really hard to sometimes ask for help, but it can be so freeing to do so, and so lovely to do for others – unexpectedly hold the door open for a mother with a push chair, or pick something up that someone dropped.
….. or help an elderly person open one of those super challenging plastic bags for fruit and veg at the supermarket!
Haha, exactly ! It really is that simple! I often have moments where I wish someone would just offer me help, but for me its to learn how to ask for it. I hope to raise my children to understand how important it is to be aware of people around us and how we can help them.
Thanks for sharing this Rebecca. Care and attention to detail for others can be found everywhere if we let it be so. A beautiful thing to offer to another.
Me too Rebecca, asking for help was something that I never did, though inside I was desperate for someone to offer it. I am learning, as Sarah’s sharing reveals, that by caring deeply for myself it becomes natural to ask for and gracefully receive support from others.
I agree – it is a extension of having enough care for yourself
I agree Rebecca – I am also amazed sometimes at the appreciation people show when they are being asked to help.
“I also realised the power of not doing it alone and keeping things simple.” This is what i experienced recently too. I do my weekly singing groups in the clinic and have to set up my computer and loudspeaker and everything else. So this is a a lot of things to carry from my car to the room. I always get a bottle of water from the kitchen which needs to return later to the kitchen. And now after the class i ask one of the patients to bring it back to the kitchen it makes it simpler for me and it was a great learning simply to ask for help.
” I came from a place of tenderness, honoring and care in wanting to support myself in every moment and he responded with such tenderness and care.” This is the significant point Sarah, I love how you differentiate between the way your new found gentleness with yourself and respect for yourself as a woman brought about a very tender meeting with a stranger, rather than asking for help with anxiety and desperation. What is so clear is that the latter way would have brought a very different reaction, and you both would have gone your ways feeling uncomfortable, and without that beautiful communication you experienced.
Isn’t it odd to what lengths we are prepared to go to avoid asking for help or support?
Could it be that we do not give ourselves enough worth and importance to “earn” support?
Sarah l love the simplicity of what you’ve shared here and l can feel how deeply you get what’s really going on. lmagine if our day was filled with those simple moments to share with others…our world would be a different place.
This is lovely Sarah, so simple and true. It is important, as you say to recognise that when we ask for help we are not only caring for ourselves, but also offering another the opportunity to meet us and to serve, something we all love to do.
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Sometimes strangers are not dangerous..
“I realise it was how I asked him that made the difference – I came from a place of tenderness, honoring and care in wanting to support myself in every moment and he responded with such tenderness and care.” You reflected in this man that we are all worth cherishing Sarah and this was beautifully confirmed in the grace he offered in supporting another to honour themselves.
When i read this all i could see was your gorgeous smile Sarah and your natural tender warmth that embraced another. A very sweet sharing just like you.
This was gorgeous to read Marcia.
This is simply beautiful for it shows us what unfolds as we begin to re-introduce self love back into our lives, its the antithesis of what we are told, for placing yourself at the centre of your care is the greatest service we can bring to ourselves and our brothers.
So true and so simple, Lucinda. How should we be able to care for anyone else, if we are not willing and able to care for ourselves first?
Hear hear Lucinda
‘for placing yourself at the centre of your care is the greatest service we can bring to ourselves and our brothers.’ So lovingly stated Lucinda and so the antithesis of how most people are raised.
It is the smallest of acts that we find abuse lets itself in. For my whole life I have been embarrassed to ask for help in any form, regardless of the fact that it often made things hard for myself. And I know I am not the only one. We really should ask ourselves more deeply why we place such demands of perfection on ourselves.
This is a very interesting observation Adam as I would never have thought of not asking for support or help when I need it as a form of self-abuse. But it is. Previously I would have considered asking for support to be an optional bonus and one also that was not taken up very often.
Ha ha, really? I was so stubborn that once my motor broke down in my boat whilst at sea, and my friend and I were drifting away from land and towards Indonesia at a fair rate of knots, and with no land in site. A boat went passed, and were it not for my friend, I would not have asked for help – so embarrassed was I to do so.
Mmm true Adam. Why we do the things we do that ultimately are abusive for ourselves. When really, there is no need.
It’s true Adam – and yes I feel many struggle with this too. The feeling I get is about self-worth and needing to prove something for recognition or to show we can do it without help – ‘look what I did all by myself!’ Like children get commended for doing things without the help of adults, perhaps we carry that through as we grow thinking that makes us enough.
On further pondering, as children we not only get commended for doing it ourselves, but we get shown great attention and adoration for achieving milestones in our growth. Perhaps it’s this love and attention we seek when pushing ourselves to do it solo and what makes us deter from asking for support. I remember seeing my friend’s child trying to tie their shoe lace by themselves and not quite getting, they didn’t ask for help but I stepped in anyway to do it and felt them go into humiliation and failure. Could this be the feeling we are avoiding?
It feels so beautiful when we honour ourselves by asking for help doesn’t it Sarah? Somedays I am more able to ask for help than others but I know when I do it feels like a wonderful opportunity to connect with a complete stranger and to share a few intimate moments. I wonder why it is that we need an excuse to approach someone and to be able to connect with them when just below the surface we all have this great need to feel connected to one another?
“I realise it was how I asked him that made the difference – I came from a place of tenderness, honoring and care and care in wanting to support myself in every moment” This, I feel, is so significant. It shows that being open, loving, truthful and fragile, and with oneself first, is true power, the ripples of which reach far and wide.
Beautifully said, Jonathan Stewart. To have asked for help from a place of frustration would indeed have prompted a different response from the other person. They may well have helped, but not necessarily in the same loving way. They would have felt the onslaught of frustration first, which is very imposing and hard, as opposed to the vulnerability of being open, tender and fragile which invites the other person to connect to their own tenderness in their response. Gorgeous and very powerful. I’m feeling the importance of appreciating the significance behind all these details in life, with that comes greater understanding and a depth of awareness which may help to inspire another.
So true Jonathan our quality when how we are with another person makes all the difference.
Yes Jonathan, I also felt the true power and significance in Sarah’s realisation that it was how she was and how she asked that made the difference.
Yes Jonathan, true power = honouring yourself, ( in all the small things as well as the big things).
So true Jonathan it is our openness and willingness to connect to another that can truly make a difference. It is amazing how being open, honest, fragile and loving with others opens the door for true connection, it is so lovely to watch people open up, let their guards down and begin to connect.
I am realising more and more that asking for help is an opportunity to take a little stop moment, and feel into how my body feels about doing something that I would once have not hesitated about, whether it is lifting a heavy object or unscrewing a stubborn jar lid! I find that people are more than willing to help, as I feel that the natural desire to serve each other is innate in our bodies.
Ah yes Sandra. Often people don’t blink an eye lid at it and are more then wanting to help. It’s like it’s all normal for us anyway. But I do love how Sarah said the way she asked was with tenderness and care, and albeit, vulnerability. As this is what many can recognise and respond to.
Thank you Sarah for this blog. I was in a similar situation the other day, but was struggling with a suitcase and a lot of stairs instead. And a male colleague of mine went past me, made some comment about it looking like a lot of effort and then went on his way. Every part of me wanted to ask for help, but my stubbornness to do it alone and not appear weak went into overdrive and therefore did not speak up. I can now see that the loving choice would have been to ask for help so to honour my fragility and vulnerability, and make a connection to the work mate, instead of feeling a bit put out for him not offering his help. Thank you for the insight!
Asking for help is something I have struggled with all my life. I’ve seen it as a sign of weakness, and from an early age, when my parents separated, I understood that I couldn’t rely on anyone other than myself. What I have come to realise however is that this seeming ability to do everything for oneself though very commendable is hugely damaging…to myself and my body, and to those around me as I keep them arm’s length. I have learnt that we can do anything, but we can’t do everything!
Hear hear Jenny ‘we can do anything, but we can’t do everything!’ – wise words.
This is really lovely Sarah, ‘He put the handle back onto my shoulder with such grace and care, with a little pat for good measure. We shared a great smile’, I love these interactions with ‘strangers’, it is gorgeous to connect with people in this way and feels great to ask for and accept help, I have started to ask for help too after many years of living thinking it was a weakness to ask for help and that I couldn’t possibly ask, I don’t feel like this now, I can feel how this is due to me being more confident in myself and feeling that I am worth being supported and cared for.
This is so beautiful and empowering to honour oneself and ask for help when needed. True self care and honouring of the way we live is a very special gift we can give to our selves and others as I too am finding it all the time in the little things and the smile and tenderness it allows us all .Thank you a real inspiration
I love these moments of connection with people! We put so much emphasis on “being strong” and doing things ourselves that we can miss these opportunities of asking another for support, and miss out on what lovely moments they can be for both people!
So true Melinda. And they are amazing moments and bring so much to both !
Thank you Sarah, I too have found that whenever I ask ‘a stranger’ man for help they are very willing and can feel in them how they expand when this opportunity is there for them. This care and ability to help is a natural expression. We so do not have to walk around in our own self contained bubbles!
Your solo/contained units struck a cord with me. The problem is these units are so full of stuff that is always at hand to distract us from the world we live in and completely isolate us form others. We become fish in a tank and someone needs to knock on the glass to remind us there is a world out there we are missing.
I’m intrigued by your observation that he was a little surprised to be asked. In the world we have created today it is surprising when one person steps out of their world and ‘intrudes’ on another…. but what a sad reflection of the way that we live! And when we do come to, and have an opportunity to connect it gives us an opportunity (no matter how small) to express a tenderness and/or a love for our fellow human beings.
Mmm, I agree Simonwilliams8. It is sad. We miss so many opportunities to step out of our own insular lives and into one that we all live in together. I guess stranger danger had stayed with us from childhood.
I feel we have also accepted to keep ourselves to ourselves and not to be open and connected with others. I no longer accept that as my way of living. I now offer connection to people in all different situations. At times when I am in the city I love to ask people for directions because it is a way to connect and it is a great training to open up and speak to people.
Thats great Janina, we learn so much from people- just by meeting them. I remember when there was a time I use to purposely avoid people on the street…like it was such a horrible thing to meet a person just like me.
I was the same Emily in the past when i saw people walking in my direction i often turned around or walked in another direction to avoid seeing and contact with people.
But really avoiding people is avoiding to feel how we are living and treating ourselves. If we are not living lovingly with ourselves it stings out like a thorn when we meet other people.
True Janina, we are great reflections for each other. What goes around comes around.
I love that Sarah, and love your humour as you share the blog. I have been useless at asking for support in the past yet whenever I do it is such a great connection with someone else. I am not sure why I am surprised as I offer support to lots of people and know what it is like the other way round. I found that I uncovered a layer of arrogance in the end…somehow I thought my help to another was my duty, my responsibility, but I did not truly believe that I deserved that level of support as well. From the moment I let myself be supported, the support I was then able to offer others was much more true (and dare I say it, I am sure less arrogant) I would never have known the difference. So yes, thank you for the inspiration Serge and Natalie Benhayon…add to that list so many other inspirational friends, including you and your blog!
That’s so beautiful what you have shared, Lucy. When we are willing to appreciate that we are just as deserving of support as the next person, the quality that we bring to our support for another shifts enormously. Thank you.
I love this Lucy how the more support you allowed in the deeper the quality of support you could offer.
I can relate to what you share here Lucy around supporting others with no questions asked yet when it came to myself I treated myself differently in that I should be able to cope alone. A little crazy and uncaring towards myself so therefore what quality is anything I offer another? Over the years this has changed but I am still learning to catch the small stuff.
It is hard to receive when we think we don’t deserve it. What I loved about Sarah’s blog is that she valued herself enough to ask for help. Being a giver may not always be from a true place as you say Lucy, and if we cannot also balance it with being open to receiving then something is probably not quite right with our motive for giving.
So true Lucy, I have felt the same way and pondering on it having read your comment I can see the arrogance in wanting to do it alone. I never hesitate to offer support when it is asked of me and true for me to support yet struggle to ask for that same support myself. I will ponder on your comment further to look at the level of arrogance that I hold in regards to this.
One of the things that I find so beautiful about the students of Universal Medicine, is that we notice the little moments of gentleness, tenderness, sparkle, care. We notice and we appreciate those little moments as an essential part of life and living with others. It is really lovely.
I agree Lisa, it is also something I love and treasure about living The Way of the Livingness, no small loving gesture is taken for granted, every moment of love and magic is appreciated and noted. It is all expanding the love in our bodies and reflecting back to our fellow brothers.
Yeah true, Michael Benhayon has been an amazing inspiration for me in this. Through him I have started to clock these things more and these things are what makes life, it is much more grand when we can express and enjoy these things with and about others.
So true Lisa you really begin to appreciate the true beauty in life through moments such as these. Today just sharing a simple conversation with a man at the supermarket showed me how easy it is to connect to another, I really got to appreciate how connected and truly lovely we are.
A beautiful story that shows when we do care for ourselves, others are there to help and support us in that. I love it.
Yes Lisa, so very simple, how beautiful is that.
‘when we do care for ourselves, others are there to help and support us in that’ …. it’s a beautiful cycle as through the support they offer to us, we are also offering them an opportunity to deepen their own awareness in the way they are living.
Yes, what a beautiful offering it is for the other when we ask them to help as they get to feel how beautiful they are as well.
So simple, so beautiful, so true!
And whats more Lisa, people want to help one another, that is what is so silly about us not asking for help, we are made to live amongst one another, not in separate little compartments and yet I know I have made my life more challenging at times than it needed to be by not asking for support at times where that was really necessary. By the same token I would always be willing to help another and love it when people ask for support as I can feel how natural it is to live in this way.
It’s true Stephen it is natural for us to live in this way, and yet we still hold back in asking for the help, not wanting to bother others. This blog is a great reminder that people love to help, just as much as we do.
There is support all around us all of the time. What I have found is the more I let people in and open myself up to others, then whatever support is required will almost magically appear. This then brings a deeper level of trust that we are held and are living in the body of God.
Thank you for bringing up trust, Donna. I can feel the control I’ve allowed into my life, it’s held me captive for far too long. Allowing myself to be more open, to be able to trust on a deeper level feels incredibly supportive and expansive.
Yes Alison, trying to control, stops us surrendering, allowing and trusting. It keeps us narrow and closed off to others and once we let go it’s amazing how things can flow and fall into place so easily without effort.
Yes, Donna, I know this too. For 3 days in a row I received support with something I found challenging without even asking, it felt amazing and is a powerful reflection of two things; how I am so much more open with people, sharing so much more of me, sharing my vulnerability and how much support I offer others simply by my livingness – ie the way I chose to deeply support, love and cherish myself, knowing that I am Worth it!
“This then brings a deeper level of trust that we are held and are living in the body of God.” This is Beautiful to read Donna!
Gorgeous Sarah, thank you for the reminder that we are not alone and we do not have to do everything ourselves. We are part of the Whole and when we go it alone, we miss opportunities to connect with others, share and feel part of the All.
It’s true Donna, we are not alone, and so many of us are just used to getting on with it and doing everything ourselves that we can forget how lovely it is to make a connection just by simply asking for a bit of help. Sarah has offered a classic example of just how simple it really is.
So true Donna – well said and put. Life is completely amazing when there is connection to others. We are never alone, how could we be with so many people around ?
I deeply agree Emily we have to work hard to keep us in the illusion that we are alone, which is not the truth.
After reading this blog and your comment Donna asking for help is a great excuse to connect to people around us. Opportunities everywhere 🙂
yes Donna, this is the other aspect of not seeking help when required – we miss the opportunity to connect with others. Not only do we miss this opportunity to connect we also miss the opportunity to allow another to offer support. It can be so supportive for the person offering the support also.
Thank you Sarah for sharing. I know this pattern of “doing it alone”, it came with a need to prove myself and a pride that I had managed it all by myself. This need really came from a lack of self-worth, I needed this outside identification with something. Working together and allowing support makes life so much easier and simple, but there is less identification possible with the outcomes… so I need to have a solid connection with myself, knowing my self-worth in order to accept that.
I can really relate to this ‘doing it alone’ approach to life, and proving myself, and as I read your comment Judith I am reminded very clearly of when I was a child and my older brother always rubbing it in my face that he was better than me at pretty much everything. It is great to recognise how I felt about that, and know that we now have a beautiful mutually supportive relationship.
Yes I too can relate to doing life alone. Now in my life I have an amazing level of support around me and it’s a great lesson in breaking down that life doesn’t need to be tough and allowing that in. I had a big few days at work and hadn’t looked after myself in the way I needed too so I was tired and then had the grace of a housemate ask how I was and put an arm around me. It was lovely to learn to start to accept this more and not brace and be tough and go I’m fine, but allow myself to be more fragile.
I agree Judith and Lisa in the” doing it alone’ approach to life” there can be a strive for identification/recognition or a giving up/leave me alone kind of attitude. Both keeps us in separation and does not support an open and loving relationship with another.
I know this old habit too Judith of ‘doing it alone’, which just created so much struggle in my life as I could not ask or receive support because underneath the lack of self-worth, was the belief, I did not deserve… these days, I find it so much easier to ask for support, but I have to constantly be present. Otherwise I find that old habit creeps back in!
Judith, this is a great point, ‘Working together and allowing support makes life so much easier and simple, but there is less identification possible with the outcomes… so I need to have a solid connection with myself, knowing my self-worth in order to accept that.’ I can feel in the past how with work i would want all of the credit, i would not ask for help because i wanted recognition for what i did, it is interesting that since my self worth has increased that more and more i ask for help and support and i now work more as a team and am not so interested in the recognition for what i have done, this feels lovely, it takes the pressure off and makes work far easier and more enjoyable.
Great sharing RebeccaWingrave, self love will allow us to feel our self-worth, which is as you are sharing a prerequisite to brotherhood as self-identification is not sought any more.
Great point Judith one that I relate to so well, the need to prove myself, that I could do it all on my own and do not need any help especially from a man! That has all changed now as it feels so loving and empowering to ask for help, not only for myself but for the man as well.
Sarah, this is a divine sharing and a blessing to all who read it. I love the inspiration to make the most of the smallest interactions in life- for truly it is the small moments that make the quality of all our moments.
I love your comment Johanna08smith – you have expressed so beautifully what I felt as well when reading this blog.
So true Johanna, it is these fleeting moments that in fact make up our whole day, so when we truly take care of them our day becomes filled with nurture and love. It is so beautiful how one tiny interaction can be so intimate, even with someone we don’t know, bringing a light heartedness and joy into our ordinary, every day tasks.
Yes indeed johanna08smith, it is the small moments that build the beauty of our lives!
Yes Johanna the simple details create beautiful connections. These daily interactions are beautiful in their simplicity and show that we are always supported. Gorgeous.
What a beautiful reminder that we are never here to do it alone, and with a loving ask and way with people, we can truly live in harmony. “I also realised the power of not doing it alone and keeping things simple.” Connection feels better than solo, technological isolation.
A beautiful reminder indeed Arianne – for the support is always forthcoming when we surrender to the fact that it is there. We are not here to do it alone, quite the opposite, we are here to evolve together united by our love.
A gorgeous and timely reminder indeed Arianne and Rachel – we are most definitely not here to “do it alone”. For me it is about trusting and accepting that the support is always there.
I agree Arianne, reading Sarah’s blog is a beautiful reminder that we are never here to do it alone.
Yes Tamara. It is an ideal and belief that we have to do it alone and if we live in this way we keep ourselves in separation from another. If we ask for help we at the same time open up to others. Beautiful to realize that.
I agree we are not here to do it alone and the same applies for everyone. So why would we deny others the opportunity to share their love and play with us? If we cannot receive we cannot give.
Thank you for highlighting this Arianne. We are definitely not here to do it alone, yet I sometimes think that I need to. I find it so easy to support others when they ask for help yet I find it so difficult to ask for that same help myself. I will continue to explore why this is so for me.
When I know how tender I am, asking for help comes naturally, and it’s absolutely gorgeous to feel the mutual honouring of this quality from those who offer to help.
It’s so lovely not to struggle on with the apparently ‘small things’ in life but to stop that momentum in its tracks as you did Sarah. Your experience is a good example of how that apparently insignificant moment of self-honouring then rippled out to include another and broke the shell of separation we often walk around in.
Thank you for this beautiful sharing, Sarah. Asking for help used to be a big deal for me – it used to make me feel inadequate, weak, pathetic and vulnerable and I preferred to grit my teeth and struggle – and at the same time feeling somewhat disappointed and resentful that no one had offered to help. Through redeveloping connection to my inner-most, I now understand how abusive that was to myself and to those around me.
I really enjoyed reading about how you asked for support, from tenderness and allowing another to respond equally back.
It’s hard to fathom how many moments are missed by us holding back. You give a great example of a beautiful moment that one can offer when true care is there.
What a gorgeous short story of support. Another bonus of asking for support from another is allowing them in.
Sarah, lovely sharing, your line ‘I have started to make my life a lot less about struggle and much more about love and honoring and taking care of myself’ speaks volumes and shows that we do not have to struggle, we choose it, and how you now live and asked for help shows that huge change you’ve made.
Beautiful Sarah. When we support ourselves in everything we do, the support is there for us in an instant. The support is always there for us when we surrender to it in full.
What you share here Sarah is so super sweet and simple…and it is an inspiration for all of us to offer and accept support… you never know who you may meet or how much it may affect their day.
I love this Sarah and I love that you appreciate that you have developed a level of self-care that allows you to seek the help required in any situation.
It’s so important to allow others to help us. Why struggle when we can have a true connection and a moment of relationship with another? How beautiful to be able to connect with tenderness while honouring what is needed. How beautiful to allow someone else to feel this.
Sarah this is an amazing blog. Growing up I made a choice to never need anything from anybody – I was hurt by I can’t remember what, probably asking someone who was feeling overwhelmed and finding my request the straw that broke the camel’s back. But truth is, we’re here to support one another and doing life in isolation is just, well stingy -it robs us of our connection to one another. I know when someone asks me for help in the street or getting something from the top shelf of a supermarket I love being able to connect and help out.
Just because I once felt a nuisance for asking for help many years ago and felt small and insignificant doesn’t mean I have to allow that hurt to rule me. The worst that can happen is someone reacting to a very reasonable, natural request for help and me getting to observe that there is nothing wrong in asking; it’s just that perhaps sometimes people are doing everything for others without asking for support themselves, and feeling resentful – so asking their assistance gives them the opportunity to feel this.
After this I will definitely be more open to asking people for support and observing when I find it difficult so I can clear old hurts. Thank you.
Sarah your example just goes to show the inherent nature of us as a human being.. in how much we immediately want to (and do) assist or help another out.. that we’ve just got so not used to asking for help that it’s become an oddity or when it does happen a lovely surprise where connection is created or deepened. Imagine if the extension of help was involuntary having seen you struggle and what a wonderful example of brotherhood.
Very true, as human beings we get a lot of bad publicity, newspapers etc only too willing to report on the worst of human behaviour, which is a very small percentage of the truth. As you say we inherently want to support each other, it is our true nature.
That is such lovely sharing Sarah – we often don’t ask for help but more so what stuck out was when you said “we walk around in such solo/contained units but that’s another story!” So true – living like this is very isolating and we think we have to go it alone not asking for support without realising how open our communities are to helping out.
Great example of honouring and allowing yourself to ask for and receive support Sarah. In the past I took a pride in being tough and not asking for help and would push on regardless of whether there was an easier, more gentle way of achieving the end result. Now if I override a moment when I could offer myself self care, such as carrying too many grocery bags at once, I find even hours later that I feel out of balance within myself. Such moments all mount up in the body and affect the quality of how I am feeling at the end of the day. I’m grateful that I am now clearer with how this all works – but years ago I simply would never have connected the dots and understood how I had arrived at the end point of exhaustion, aches and pains and/or emotionally wound up.
Sarah I absolutely love this, as if this scenario happened at home with your family, you would have no hesitation in asking them to help you in this way, so asking a so called perfect stranger to help should be no different, as in truth no-one is a stranger to us. It is only the conditions that we place in front of another in a situation, that dictates how we are with them as we complicate the situation with all of these thoughts about not knowing them, he is a man, what will he think, etc etc. So lovely that you chose to just be yourself and in that natural way, allowed him to naturally respond the same.
Love this story Sarah, thank you for sharing it. The take home message for me is how simple it can be to truly support ourselves.
I wholeheartedly agree with you here Sarah – these people and others in Universal Medicine have inspired me beyond measure.
“And to Serge Benhayon and Natalie Benhayon who are a constant source of inspiration – they have taught me so much about self-care and self-responsibility and to live in a way that honors who we are, and with simplicity”.
Beautiful Sarah Flenley, that feels so similar to my experience with life and surrendering to help recently. At work I have seemed to care for my jobs and holding ‘the ball’ so to speak with as little help as possible, all the success this ‘aim or goal’ I expected myself to achieve myself. The beautiful thing is to feel that this is unreal, and that I was not able to feel that before. A fair question would be: what changed? Well, I must say that my form of intelligence has changed, as I always thought that life was about individuality, own life (and small life around), own figures and achievements.. But .. since I have met Serge Benhayon, I started to understand that this vision/perception was not mine, but actually a contraction of energy I have lived at that time (that made me numb to truly feeling what was going on). So what changed: is the way I am with myself and so the energy that I am living during the day that makes me either feel expanded or contracted (like the old way). But at least now I am aware of having a choice. That is perfect!
Beautiful Sarah, such simplicity and power in what you share that shows the true support and connection we offer ourselves and others when we honour the fact that we need a helping hand. So often in life I have pushed on independently in situations where I needed help as I wanted to be seen as a strong and capable woman. Nowadays I find I take more time to stop and feel when I find I need help and ask for support. It is a really beautiful way to be as it opens you up and lets others in, and in my experience only deepens our connections to other people.
I can so relate to the struggle you share here Sarah – of believing we have to do it all on our own, when this is so not true! If you hadn’t asked for assistance in that moment the gentleman wouldn’t have had the opportunity to connect to the love and tenderness within him…so really to not allow others the space to support is quite selfish!
Gorgeous Paula, by not allowing others the space to support is selfish. Very true, and not what we have been brought up to believe.
Sarah such a simple story and yet so beautiful.
I love the simplicity of what you share here Sarah – the simple request for assistance, but what gold has come from this moment! “If I had not asked him, that opportunity for me to honor and take care of myself and the opportunity for him to support another would have been missed. I realise it was how I asked him that made the difference – I came from a place of tenderness, honoring and care in wanting to support myself in every moment and he responded with such tenderness and care.” We can inspire so much in others when we are connected to ourselves and follow what is true for us.
A beautiful moment between two people as you were brought together by the honouring nature we are naturally from! Allowing support and knowing we don’t have to walk this life on our own is a precious part of it all.
We can perceive these moments as fleeting and not so important however they can have a profound effect on our lives and that of others. This is a perfect example Sarah – the care you offer yourself and the realisations that have come from that moment, and the opportunity for this gentle-man to offer care is pure gold, and I feel sure something he will remember for a long time to come. He clearly felt your tenderness and love and was then given the opportunity to reciprocate with the same loving care…how beautiful is humanity in these moments!
Asking for support may not be something that comes easily to some. It is great to realise others are very willing to assist us given the opportunity. When we choose to support ourselves others do respond in kind. It can be a very loving exchange, and reminds us we are not alone unless we choose to be.
I was once on a plane where the man next to me didn’t talk to me for the whole 5 hour trip. In fact it felt like he had taken a distinct dislike to me. However at the end of the flight I asked him for support to move my bag, I really didn’t want to but it was really heavy and he was the only man in the vicinity. What truly amazed me was once I asked for support this man opened right up to me and from there we had a beautiful connection. It was a big learning for me to not judge and to stay open to people.
Great example Caroline. It just takes one to be willing to take the plunge and make the first move. Usually people are so eager to connect given the invitation. This has been my experience also.
It is so strange that we get used to struggle, how little are we regarding ourselves to do so. I loved that you’ve shared just how simple it can be to turn this around Sarah. The benefits of doing so is a gift for all.
I love how you have seen this here Giselle, that the turn-around from struggle-street to honouring ourselves is a simple set of choices, and thank you Sarah for letting us know that it is so simple.
I used to be a woman who can always do everything on my own…Since a couple of years I changed that and no longer see it as weak, when I ask for help. My whole body feels more honored in that way and I can´t imagine pulling in this hardness anymore to do things that are too heavy or when I need simple support. So I absolutely know, what you are talking about.
I have experimented with seeking support in my everyday life, and it really is amazing how much simpler things are when we collaborate. For years and years I’ve identified with being ‘fiercely independant’, and so asking for help was just another sign of weakness that I was not going to fall for. These days I recognise the need to struggle that I have in order to feel as though I am worth something….it’s a crazy concept and I have to say I haven’t benefitted from it at all. But working as a team with people and supporting others while allowing them to support me back is quite the revelation. I recommend it!
A great sharing, showing the power of connection that is possible just on the small stuff and also what can transpire between two people when true honouring of oneself is presented.
That’s a beautiful point Cathy, and that it only takes one person in true care for something to transpire.
Lovely story Sarah. Moments of connection like these with others are very sweet. Have you ever thought of investing in a shopping trolley? I have never looked back. There was a time I would never have dreamed of using one, they were only for nanas…but I now take it every week to the market and it is very supportive, no struggle. Interesting over the last couple of years they seem to have made a comeback.
Yes Victoria, definitely a good investment. I have one of those too, they come in fun designs nowadays and look much more sportive than they used to be.
We have 2 shopping trolleys and Spain seems to be the only country in the world where everybody has one and does their grocery shopping with it. I hear from so many people visiting how supportive it is, but how it is seen as old peoples tools, because they are not fit enough to carry their bags. That says a lot about how we expect our body to ache under whatever weight according to our age!!!!
Very cool… Spain is leading the way in struggle free shopping.:)
The greatest care we can give to ourselves is connection, why would we hold back expressing this care with others when we are family?
Every day I appreciate deeply the fact that I am a delicate woman who happens to be doing life frequently on my own, because there are so many opportunities to open up the responsibility to live relationship with everyone around, whether we have met or not. Asking someone on the street if they can help take a picture, a person in a cafe if they can keep an eye on my groceries while I visit the bathroom, a person met on public transportation if they have an extra phone charger, just little things which feel much more simple when I ask for support rather than fretting it out on my own. Most often than not, when asked in sincerity with the knowing that naturally human beings love to connect, the support that returns is natural too. The whole world is family.
Absolutely Adele! “with the knowing that naturally human beings love to connect”…this rings true for me too – and in all my experiences. I love how we can connect even with these little things, moments to appreciate how we can build trust again in and with humanity. Family – we can have so much fun together 🙂
This is such an inspiring sharing. I love the power of vulnerability shown to you and the beauty of asking for help… honouring the care you are prepared to offer yourself whilst creating a gorgeous moment of connection in the process.
There is an absolute strength in vulnerability, something that I know I am still coming to accept for myself. That not only is vulnerability a way in which I honour my fragility and sensitive awareness to life but it’s the way to then not get hurt by situations or take things personal as those hurts appear to come when we try to be stoic or tough.
Yes Cherise, to not get hurt by the feeling that no one is there to support us when the guards that are up to do it alone are so high and so rigid that it makes it hard for another to either see that support is needed, or find a way to get you to hear that someone or a gathering crowd is standing on the other side offering!
I also got that too Sam, the power of vulnerability (not a sign of weakness) that melts and allows a person in, when as Sarah briefly shares, we often operate in closed-off silos.
Simple and gorgeous Sarah, this blog has put a big smile on my face this morning. I can feel just how you would have so beautifully asked this man to help you, and how this request from your own love and care ignited his own. Daily simple medicine we can all adopt with powerful ripple effects for so many.
I love this Katerina – powerful medicine indeed “Daily simple medicine we can all adopt with powerful ripple effects for so many.”
When we ask for support we drop back into a realness—that we are not perfect, so we do not have to walk through life (or every day in the city) as solo/self-contained units as you have described Sarah. We melt the barriers of perfection and protection, we connect again in simplicity.
I like how you expressed that: we drop back into a realness. True- there is suddenly no boundary anymore and people who before looked serious and closed down, feel met and suddenly open up. I love these realness moments of connection .
Me too – this facade we create in an attempt to control everything, it cuts us off, whereas ‘a realness’ reintroduces our humanity, our connection and puts us back in touch with our ability to love.
“We melt the barriers of perfection and protection, we connect again in simplicity.” Beautiful, I love it. Very true we come back to being real instead of fulfilling the many ideals and beliefs.
Sarah such a beautiful encounter shared, one that very simply showed human beings innately are close and do wish to call on and support each other. This is like a knowing that lies dormant within us, because it has not been the normal way for us in action, until someone initiates the first call like you did. What you lived was the responsibility of connection and intimacy with yourself and others.
I like what you say Adele, it is normal for us to connect and share closeness although it can often take someone to initiate the connection and invite the other in. I notice this a lot in one of my jobs where it is not until I have acknowledged or greeted a person that they then let their guard down and respond.
Sarah, I love how you have exchanged struggle for simplicity. The outcome is so simple, loving and very endearing and to enjoy for everyone.
Yes Esther, exchanging struggle for simplicity, I feel that there is a lot to learn from this in many situations.
Your sharing confirms for me our true nature: a willingness to support and be there for each other. We are innately tender and caring and we all want to express that as much as possible.
Yes Monika, we are here not only for ourselves but actually for each other. We should never forget this as I know I once did. Our sense of brotherhood is never gone even if it is not currently lived.
Absolutely Monika, we are all waiting for an opportunity to show our tenderness and feel the connection to another and the all.
Yes, beautifully said Monika, I very much agree, we love to be with each other and be there for each other.
The real power of this true nature lies in returning to lovingly support ourselves and the inspired willingness of others to enjoin
The real power is to allow this true nature out and to surrender to it. To let go of our protection shields and let all the love we are out and let the other completely in.
There is so much beauty in the simplicity of what you share Sarah. This bought tears of appreciation to my eyes; “If I had not asked him, that opportunity for me to honor and take care of myself and the opportunity for him to support another would have been missed. I realise it was how I asked him that made the difference – I came from a place of tenderness, honoring and care in wanting to support myself in every moment and he responded with such tenderness and care.” The opportunity to share our love and care for others and ourselves is so precious. You have offered an invitation to never miss a moment to connect with someone confirming that we all matter in every little detail. Thank you.
The opportunity to engage with another like this is so often there, but rarely do we take it because of all the “rules” of how we are supposed to act. Perhaps time we built some new rules, or lets call them ways of living, that are more real don’t keep us disconnected from everyone around us. Its so simple to ask for a little help from a stranger, but I guess they aren’t really a stranger any more!
Love it Heather, so true. A way of living that means we don’t live in disconnection to each other, but in connection.
Beautifully said Heather, there are no strangers when we live in connection and honor everybody for who they truly are, equal Son’s of God. It is my experience too that people love to engage and connect and if you are open to it it happens all the time.
Sarah, this is such a gorgeous example of self-care…thanks for sharing it. Not only did you honour yourself deeply, you showed this to another with grace and love. That man had a healing just by helping you with your bag. Very gorgeous.
When we are willing to support ourselves and be open to support from around us, it is clear that support has always been there readily available. It is clear to me that it is us who stand in the way of support – our awareness of support, access to support and its flow.
I love this Sarah, such a simple honouring of yourself but such a powerful one. I too have learned to ask for help in the biggest and also littlest of situations, and have no fear or concern of doing so, and it is amazing how willing people are to help: their faces seem to light up from the opportunity they have been offered. A gift for both of us.
Reading this has brought a moment of Grace – the power to live in connection in every moment is there for us and when this is what we choose , it invites another to experience the same too. This blog shows that in the simple little things in our everyday life, bending down to recover an item that has fallen to the ground and hand it back to someone – it is the quality of being, the energetic way this is carried out that contributes to the love, tenderness and healing of our world. I loved this blog – thank you Sarah.
People are so willing to help, but mostly are not given an opportunity to do so. You more than likely made that mans day Sarah.
I agree Natalie people fundamentally like to help each other, let’s give each other that opportunity.
Beautifully said Josephine, we do love to be there for each other, so lets live that more – without loosing ourselves in the process.
Yes Judith, love how you’ve added the caveat at the end, a nice down to earth one, no identification necessary.
Absolutely Natalie, the simple pleasures of life reflect so much love. Connecting to another with the joy that I am makes my day every day.
I love what you say about the way you asked. When I first began coming out of my hard fiercely independent shell, I was so awkward in the way I asked. It’s something I am still working on and asking from a place of “tenderness, honoring and care in wanting to support myself”. I can still be a little abrupt in how I ask, but when I am able to express it from a place of self love and care the asking feels entirely different.
This word independent makes me ponder about how crazy it is that we are actually brought up and rewarded and admired when we are ‘independent’ but this actually keeps us in a protective shell and isolated.
Independence is championed as a good thing yet it can actually harm us. Yesterday I had an experience of this. My arms became very sore and I was having trouble carrying my basket. I was with friends and I simply asked if one of them would mind carrying my basket for me. Of course they didn’t mind and they were in fact happy to support me. In the past I realised I would have just kept carrying it. I could have, I just needed to harden and then I wouldn’t needed any help. But it felt so lovely to not just ask for another support but also to surrender to my body and allow it to be where it was at.
Beautiful Ariana, this is so true. I love the line you highlighted, we are certainly not alone and if we feel alone it is often because we choose to be, and choosing to isolate ourselves from people is not what is naturally within us. It is also very loving to keep things simple and I feel we all like simplicity in reality.
A beautiful sharing Sarah. I used to do everything alone and pride myself on not needing anyone. But these days, not only am I getting better at asking for help, I enjoy it. When we ask for help it opens up an opportunity, like you described, for another to be tender and loving and for us to support each other and connect to one another – just like the helpful man in the supermarket. It’s as though we call out the lovingness in another and if we didn’t stop to ask, then that moment would have missed.
I agree nikkimckee. I don’t know where the thoughts that we have to do it all alone come from and why there is so much attachment to being seen as someone who can do things by themselves without needing to ask for support – even if we struggle? As Sarah and you have shared, it is lovely to ask for support and a wonderful opportunity for the person who is able to provide the support.
Great point Lee that those thoughts come from somewhere. It is not our natural way and it is not how humans naturally live together. I can feel that I subscribed to some sort of belief or identity and then I had to fight to keep it.
I can so relate to previously thinking that I had to do everything myself and doing so proudly. It is far lovelier now to not have to take everything on my own shoulders, ask for support and surrender to the help of others.
Gorgeous Sarah. I had to chuckle with the ‘little pat for good measure’ part, a gesture of a moment of togetherness felt I am sure. I love what you have shared as I have in the past been known to be a bit of a DIY kind of person, as I thought this was what a strong and capable woman looked like. However I have also discovered that it is actually empowering to ask for support from others and empowers another to respond with whole-heartedly offering the support needed. A beautiful sharing and a beautiful reflection Sarah of what happens when we choose self-love for ourselves first, thank you.
This is great Sarah. Sometimes we can be so proud not to ask for support and feel we have to do it alone, when people are actually ready and willing to be there. I have been amazed recently how some of my male colleagues have been VERY willing to assist me with a heavy item – without a moments’ hesitation!
Sarah, I enjoyed your little story. it’s the smallest things that can make such a big difference. It’s definitely worth taking the time to ask for support.
Awesome Sarah, asking for help sometimes seem to be so difficult but like you shared when we make it about caring and loving ourselves we are open to people and asking for help becomes a beautiful experience. Gorgeous to share this with us, and I can so relate to this too.
Sarah I love your story as it is so simple and yet very touching in its expression. Shyness and the encrusted belief that I should not bother others unless absolutely unavoidable are still part of my everyday life. What you express however opens my eyes to the importance of letting people in, to give others the opportunity to support me and for me to feel that I am worth it.
Such a simple loving act Sarah, but so power-full too as not only do you get the grace of having someone help support you but he also gets the grace of interacting and being truly met by such a loving act too. So much is being missed out on by the simple choice to not ask for help!
“I realise it was how I asked him that made the difference – I came from a place of tenderness, honoring and care in wanting to support myself in every moment and he responded with such tenderness and care.” As I read this I realised what a gift it is when one chooses love and tenderness and invites another to engage for whatever reason it is, like asking for help. For that short moment when the interaction takes place both are bathed in that love and tenderness chosen, it is like momentarily inviting the other person to your home and sharing that grace. It is a lovely blessing for both.
Gorgeous how you clocked that by asking for support not only are we gracing ourself with that self care, we are also blessing another person by providing an opportunity for them to come out of their bubble of separation and support another. In this day and age where we are enticed to feel separate and everyone is craving connection, this is so beautiful.
Sarah, I love the simplicity of this blog and for sharing the fact that we don’t have to go solo in everything we do and it is super lovely when we express and connect to others from that place of tenderness within ourselves, Thank you.
Yes, the quality you asked in Sarah feels like the key. It is as if we don’t actually hear the words, but intimately understand and respond to the feeling the other person shares. In this way we are always having a deeper, energetic conversation. Beautiful reflection and experience to share.
Yes, this is key Joseph – the quality we are holding ourselves in, is what comes through in our expression and there is a magnetic pull that people respond to and are ready and willing to bring support in a similar way. My grandparents era held a very deep respect of other people and always willing to assist someone. There is a lot to be said for the ‘old fashioned’ way.
“In this way we are always having a deeper, energetic conversation.”
Well spotted Joseph – its not the words, or even the fact of intruding on another’s day… but the quality that we present that gives another the opportunity to come out of their shell.
Making such a simple and beautiful connection with another, so supportive and supported. Whilst feeling the loveliness of that I could also feel how little there is of it and how amazing the world would be if we did this more.
This was a really touching story to read, Sarah, because it shows that people ARE really gentle and tender at the core of their being, and just by you offering the opportunity to have that man show it through your own tenderness and self-love, it came out so beautifully. This also flies in the face of the many beliefs out there that people are ‘bad’ or ‘they don’t care’. All we have to do is show others the love that they are made of by loving ourselves fully and the natural loving way that is innate in us all will come to the surface.
This example of self care and love, Sarah, is such a beautiful reflection for us all, in its’ simplicity.
Oh that is such a inviting read, and the fact that you are asking for help and support is a big thing, especially for women, because we tend to do things all by ourselves, and multitasking as best we can. I can talk about myself here; I was one of these women. It makes a big difference when we allow ourselves to ask for help and that does not mean to be weak. Not at all, I rather can say that not asking for support is weak, that is my opinion.
I agree Monika, it is not a weakness to be asking for help and support. Women are great at multitasking and just getting on with doing everything ourselves, but living out the ‘super woman’ ideal actually feels irresponsible, disempowering and arrogant. There is almost an assumption that no-one can do it as well as we can – a belief that really dismisses the blessing that accepting support from a man, or another woman, can bring to both the ‘giver and receiver’.
“Not at all, I rather can say that not asking for support is weak, that is my opinion”.
Whilst visiting in a hospital lately, there was a male Care Worker who was brilliant with patients but also there offering to help the nurses with something heavy or unwieldy. A female nurse was struggling out with heavy things in preparation for moving a patient to another ward and this man was there saying, let me help you carry them, they are so heavy. She completely dismissed him with an arrogant air. He shrugged his shoulders and walked away to continue his work. I later appreciated some help he offered to me and asked him how he felt about the nurse’s earlier re-action to his offer of help. He smiled and said, with great wisdom and no attachment to any outcomes – “she is still young and at some point, when she is ready to do so, will learn that it is the most lovely thing to accept genuine help from a man”
Indeed it is Stephanie, thank you for sharing this incredible piece of wisdom.
Sarah I love and can relate totally to this – I am finding there are so many ways that people come up to support me in one way or another since I have chosen, as you have, “to make my life a lot less about struggle and much more about love and honoring and taking care of myself”
What an amazing observation of your Self in daily life and how self loving it is to notice when you need support. I resonate with what you say about struggling and carrying on regardless, I know this has been my pattern of mine and this has created a hardening in my body. It sounds so simple and joyful to ask another for assistance, as your experience demonstrates not only does it support you but it gives someone else the opportunity to care and connect – result!
Thank you for writing this blog Sarah. Self Care is about everything and everyone and your example is touching. Self Care starts with self, but also is much more, and it reaches further afield when we let go of the beliefs that hold us back from asking for support and help.
Thank you Sarah, a very simple story which makes it quite beautiful, highlighting the opportunity to connect with people in every moment and removing the pride and self containment that often gets in the way of being in relationship with people every day.
What a beautiful example of how working together can simplify life and break patterns.
So simple and so profound: letting go of the ideal of having to do everything on our own.
The belief that we are alone in the world can be strong, or that we aren’t alone because we have family, just as strong. But as Sarah has shared when we are in the supermarket we are never alone, even though we would probably say we are!
This is so simple Sarah – I know I have held back in the past also not to experience the rejection. I had the experience on the weekend of a mother struggling with a newborn and a toddler and trying to get a pram down the stairs. I was surprised to see several men walk past and not stopping to help, one hesitated and looked like he wanted to but held back I stepped in a helped her carry the pram down the stairs. In fact what she was doing was dangerous I don’t say this in judgment but more with a surprise that she even in that instance did not stop and ask for help. Creating the opportunity to let people in and help with purpose rather than just contributing with money to charities but actual human interaction seems to be a disappearing opportunity.
It is true how it is with the small things that we think we can handle and we dare not ask for help for the risk of looking incapable. That mentality tells us so much about our view of life as being something we need to survive as individuals.
“I realise it was how I asked him that made the difference – I came from a place of tenderness, honoring and care in wanting to support myself in every moment and he responded with such tenderness and care.”
I am still often stunned by how people respond, although there is no reason why. In truth people only want to feel a deep love and appreciation for themselves and to be able to share this with others.
What situations like this show is that how this level of care and attention to detail is instantaneously felt and how people do have the immediate resources to respond accordingly, with just as much compassion and joy, that may even take them by surprise.
Beautiful story Sarah, simply lovely. People in my experience are usually only to willing to lend a hand or share a laugh eventhough they may be what we normally call strangers. Maybe we should get over this whole stranger thing and just connect with people as if we’ve met them before, because in reality sometime in history we probably have.
In moments such as you have shared Sarah when we approach apparent strangers like we would a close friend or relative make me feel like the entire world is my family.
And here we have it! A simple exchange that can change our whole day.
Thank you Sarah for sharing the power we have to support one another whilst taking care of ourselves.. Wow with this kind of lovely community connection….no wonder you are a Community ‘Engagement’ Officer 🙂
I had a similar experience in the supermarket last week. A lady complimented me on my purple dress. We had a short sweet conversation about the colour purple and we went on our way. What the lady inadvertently did was stop me from being in my head, and by connecting with her allowed me to connect back to me and carry on with my shopping connected to my body rather than from my mind.
I used to be very much a martyr, taking great pride in doing everything myself, rarely asking for help except when absolutely necessary (and often using this to manipulate situations (such as making others feel guilty etc.) – OUCH! Not only did this hurt me, it also hurt others… A few months ago I had significant surgery and appreciate how much this situation has changed for me in recent years as a result of beginning to take more care of myself… I was not only able to ask for support but also be able to accept the support offered – a far cry from trying to push through and do everything on my own.
Sarah this simple example is huge! Being willing to ask another for help, or even sharing how I am feeling which then opens the opportunity for another to step in and help creates connections between us and that are deeply enriching and fulfilling.
I am very touched by this blog – the simplicity with which we can live in brotherhood is right here. LOVE this piece Sarah Flenley and will remember it the next time I decide to tough it out instead of connect to another and allow them to support me.
No doubt our world is in a mess but experiences like this show that people genuinely want to help people and it only takes one to open up and show others the way. I often ask for assistance with heavier bags when entering/exiting the tube – people are always pleased to help. It’s so wonderful to be awoken from our ‘solo/contained units’ that you described.
The supermarket is a great place to check in with our self care. The carry baskets are a great check point for me as sometimes I overload the basket and it gets very heavy. A trolley would have been the preferred choice as then there would be no struggle or stress on my body.
I thank you too Sarah, I love that you share this beautiful simple example of what it means to put the care for ourselves, and therefore all others, first. The little things really do count.
This is a great sharing of a sweet moment. It is wonderful when we reach out for help and we are instantly supported. I have loved interactions with strangers where I have helped them or they have helped me, with taking a photo or assisting with directions or returning a lost dog etc. Both parties leave feeling a sense of joy in helping another out. Once we let go of old patterns that create apprehension in the initial asking for help we are often met with a smile and support.
Ahhh Sarah, thank you for an absolutely gorgeous reminder on the “power of not doing it alone and keeping things simple”!
Thats beautiful Sarah, I love those simple moments of tenderness, and connecting with others. Its these that make all the difference in our lives, eventually building to a total loving way of being.
I completely relate to the tendency to struggle through rather than ask for help. However, when we do ask for help it enables other people to feel their part, and to increase connection in a society that is currently very lacking.
This blog is just beautiful and so graceful.
Dear Sarah, your blog really touched me with its loving, tender surrender, which allowed more beauty into our world in such a simple way. Your comment – ‘I also realised the power of not doing it alone and keeping things simple’, actually brought a tear to my eye as I realised that too often instead of reaching out and connecting to others we get caught up in thinking that ‘We have to do it alone’. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for your gorgeous blog, Sarah. Isn’t it crazy how there can be such a stubbornness in us when it comes to asking for help, this must stem from some crazy belief we’ve chosen to adopt!
I love how you share ‘I also realised the power of not doing it alone and keeping things simple.’ We are all here together, to support each other, all we have to do is ask. Asking for help is a blessing for us and for the other person. To hold back surely does make life far more complicated.
Wow Sarah, thank you for sharing this. I never really considered what is happening on the other side of things. Asking for help in respect of ourselves is something I too have been expressing more, but what else is then presented to appreciate in that moment for each and between us beyond the initial saying no to struggling or lifting something that is too heavy? It’s like taking that appreciation of that initial choice to a deeper level, it’s not just about saying no to struggling but so much more.
The supermarket I visit helps customers to carry bags out to the car, rather than letting customers take out the shopping trollies. A beautiful option and a great way to connect with the young men in our community.
‘But over the past four years I have started to make my life a lot less about struggle and much more about love and honoring and taking care of myself – in all situations, both big and small – especially the small.’ This is beautifully claimed Sarah – an inspiring blog and one of such simplicity it proves that evolution is a small step consistently taken.
There is such opportunities in these brief but shared moments when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. We do love being there for one another, whether we know the person/people or not and in letting down those guards we get to see this everywhere.
Something so simple and so beautiful Sarah, it made me smile seeing how easy it is to ask for help and at the same time divert a potential disaster. Asking for help is so rare these days. Just yesterday at the supermarket a woman with a push chair decided to go the short route and go up some steps, I offered to help but she declined, I then saw a gentleman offer to help but she refused him in an off handed manner showing that she was totally capable of doing it her self. I recognise myself in this how I used to refuse help wanting to show I could do it but I can feel how unloving this is both for myself and the man who had offered to help.
“Excuse me can you help?” Such a simple question and yet it is a world-changer. To have enough love for ourselves to ask for help is an inspiration for those we ask. It feels exquisite to not only be honouring ourselves in that moment but also to be honouring the other person by offering them the opportunity to support their fellow human being unconditionally. It’s an evolution for both and therefore all.
I had a similar experience recently. I needed to move a massage table from my car to the Sound Foundation the venue for Sacred Esoteric Healing Level 5. In the past and for many years, I moved many massage tables from car to venues myself, not any longer. I asked a student for help and he said ‘ Yes’ tomorrow after the rain. The following day came and it didn’t happen. On the last day, I parked my car closer to the venue entrance, walked towards the building and there he was. He said simple ‘I can move your table now for you’ and did. Simplicity itself, there was a natural order to it.
Beautiful Sarah, with your blog I realise that I can be more loving and caring to myself in small and big situatons and in the meantime share it with others.
Love it Sarah, it’s in those simplest of things, that can open a world of opportunity…
It is a true joy to connect with others and to support each other in our every day.
Absolutely, Deborah, this is what highlights my day and brings so much joy, if we allow ourselves to connect to others and to support each other in our every day. Can be some practical support, could be a smile, laughing together, a question or simply looking each other in the eyes.
What you describe is true brotherhood Monika – our natural expression and way
This brightened up my day Sarah! You remind me of how I was in the past, much easier for me to become insular and look like I am struggling than to ask for help – when in reality asking for help is so simple.
But as you share here – it is the way it is done that counts – and if this help is asked for from a place of humbleness and tenderness, then it presents a beautiful and much needed opportunity of connection and support that humanity seems to have forgotten.
Here’s to brightening each others days 🙂
I could also definitely account to being in the struggle of just about everything… It’s such a sense of relief when we ask for the support
Simple and sweet Sarah. I love what you’ve shared; I’m one of those people who tries to carry as many shopping bags as possible from the car to the house in one go to limit the amount of trips I have to take, regardless of the strain on my arms and body. Like many I’ve been under the illusion for a long time that I have to be strong and that asking for help is a weakness; I’m working on clearing that belief though. Thank you for your blog!
!!! Right with you on this one Susie Williams. Me too. And what I notice is that if I stay in that locked set of mind that I need to do this, or need to do that, then there is no space for seeing anything else, no space for any evolution. But as soon as I let that go, decide to make two trips with the shopping bags, then all kinds of fun stuff happens. And certainly the space I’m in for whatever comes next is going to be much more self-supportive and open. Like you, this is very much work-in-progress!
Haha yes I know what you mean Otto – we kid ourselves thinking we are being more efficient carrying loads of shopping bags at once, but actually in doing so we are damaging our body and creating more strain than gain! I find my forearms can hurt for hours after lifting too much shopping.
I love this it really made me smile and is beautifull to see and feel how we connect with one another. It’s great you are asking for support with the big and small things. Struggling with shopping is not nice or loving for anyone. On a side note envirosax bags are amazing. They are really pretty, really strong and big but fold up into the smallest roll .. well worth checking out 😄💕
I recently has a discussion with Serge Benhayon where by he mentioned the word care, I have never felt so much care from another ever in my life and I mean ever, and this was not by doing anything but holding me in the absolute deep love and care he has for all.
“We walk around in such solo contained units”. This is like you share a whole other story but something to deeply ponder on as this is so true. We walk around like we are strangers and we are totally occupied with ourselves, while in truth, we are all connected and one.
That sentence stood our for me too, Mariette for the same reason. We walk around like we are all separated from each other and like what I do or think doesn’t influence another. Totally occupied with ourselves and our comforts, managing our way through life whereas in truth we are all connected to each other. We are all the same and actually are one and united.
Most of the time when I use public transport everybody is occupied with their I-phone and/or listening to music with their headphones. We are hardly present, don’t look each other in the eyes or just say hello to each other. Like you say, we are all the same, but we live in a way that creates a constant separation.
I recognize the picture you paint, Mariette. A lot of people traveling are not present with themselves and can’t be in connection with others as a consequence of that. Iphone and music are often used as a device and an escape to not want to feel what they feel. Connect back to ourselves is a necessary first step and can be offered by another like Sarah shared in her blog.
Deep down we all know love and deep care are our true natural expressions, otherwise we would not react and feel so hurt by what we see and feel when we or others choose to not be loving or truly caring.
That’s so true Susan, we do need to just make the first move and people generally melt when met with simple open exchanges. We crave connection with others and it’s wonderful to show people that it’s actually safe and that there are no hidden agendas!
I am totally appreciating how deeply universal this blog is right now…man/woman adult/child it really doesn’t matter there is such a deep sense of honouring in such a light and freeing way in your experience. Without thinking too much (or slipping into the drama) allows the whole experience to be another swift reminder of the essence of family amongst us all.
Sarah I love the simplicity of what you have shared but at the same time how huge it is to ask for support.
I am going to take this into my day to deepen my own self care and self honouring,
How often we may deny ourselves this support and see this has difficult – i have found that this reflects greatly on how we feel about and value ourselves.
Gosh I loved reading this Sarah – such a beautiful account of honouring all round thank you for sharing this moment of grace.
Many of us do tend to go about our day in our little bubbles, hesitant to engage with another for fear of where it may lead, too engrossed in our dramas or just not wanting to be a bother to anyone else. This simple sharing from Sarah clearly shows how we can miss out on many levels – a moment to acknowledge that we need a little support and build a momentum of greater self-care into our lives, the chance for an open exchange and a connection with another, and making a difference to someone else’s day. Thank you Sarah for sharing this beautifully simple example of self-care and the quality it can bring to both ourselves and others.
I used to think asking for help was a weakness. Not any more. I have come to realise there is a strength in asking. Allowing myself to feel that support is a gift. It is equally a privilege to be able to support others.
Interesting Debra, this is true for me too. I also found in the past by not asking for help means I can stay in my own little bubble and the lack of self-worth creeps in because I feel I don’t want to waste other people’s time. But what I have found, the more I open up to people, I start to see that everyone is always willing to help, and vice versa. Interaction with people, even strangers is a natural pull that most of us seem to resist.
I thought the same Debra. However I now realise and have experienced how honoring it is for me to ask for support from another, which also honors the strength of another to be able to offer the support needed.
I too would not have asked for help in the past but now I will if I feel the need do. People are only too happy to reach the top shelf in the Supermarket for some item I’m unable to reach, one of the draw backs for being short, or is it? Thank you Sarah for your lovely blog and inspiring too, a way to connect to people we might never meet.
“I also realised the power of not doing it alone.” I find this such a powerful line, I have had the belief I have to do everything myself and that in truth it is actually okay to ask for help when needed no matter how big or small. For instance at home I have taken in the belief I have to do everything, and this is actually shutting people out, not building opportunities to open up, develop and deepen relationships and trust – but only just yesterday why my dad offered to dry the dishes and tidy up, normally something I would say no to as I thought I wasn’t taking responsibility for myself if I didn’t do it all, I said yes that would be great, and it felt amazing to allow his offer of support and let love in and also a huge pressure of myself.
What a beautiful sharing Sarah. I feel very touched by your blog and by the man who so graciously supported you; that he was able to do this as a reflection of the love and care you apply to yourself. It has made me consider how little I interact, or ask support from people that I don’t know and can feel this as a massive holding back. It denies the opportunity for connection and expanded movements.
Yes I feel this is something we can all learn from. One of the most gorgeous experiences I had with strangers when asking for support was when my husband and I asked an elderly couple to be our witnesses at the registry office at our wedding on the day – we had chosen to have no guests there and to do it the most simple way possible. Their joy at being asked was palpable and they loved every moment of this shared experience. The connection this brought between us and them was lovely and the love I have for them is still very much there.
This is such a lovely story and such a lovely example of what can happen when we put self care first and the fact that we are all love at heart. The bottom line is that we all want to connect with one another and when we give each other opportunities to do so the love that is shared is priceless.
Every moment is an opportunity to connect to ourselves and to all others – it is our natural way.
Beautiful sharing Sarah.This blog gave me a moment to reflect on the times when I’ve also asked for help it would of been for major ‘mishaps’ not for the little ones that could potentially have turned into bigger developing ones. The many times prior to an incident happening that I actually felt that something would develop (a deep inner knowing) but did not turn that initial feeling into a positive movement forward to prevent that so called incident from taking place. As you did Sarah with asking for help with your bag handle slipping off your shoulder before a bigger incident occurred. Gone are the days of a lady dropping a white hankie to get a passing gents attention. This is an openness to be honest with ourselves and ask for support from another – this feels like self nurturing, self care/honouring, and appreciation comes to mind.
This is about connection, true care for oneself includes others!
Absolutely – when we care about ourselves we care about others the same. Beautiful reminder Felix!
There is so much media coverage of the “bad’ things that can happen to us, out on the street that a lot of older people are fearful of even going out. We are encouraged to mistrust at every turn just in case that man is a thief, a conman, a sexual pervert etc. It is beautiful to allow space for all the “good” also, as in asking others for help in the way you did. Beautiful sharing, thank you Sarah.
“If I had not asked him, that opportunity for me to honour and take care of myself and the opportunity for him to support another would have been missed. I realise it was how I asked him that made the difference – I came from a place of tenderness, honouring and care in wanting to support myself in every moment and he responded with such tenderness and care.” This is beautiful Sarah. when we ask for support it gives the other person an opportunity to help and also to know that they too can ask for support when needed – and its ok to be fragile – it’s not weak.
Yes indeed it is not weak to ask for help, not at all. The way it leaves the man she has asked shows that he could be helpful and not rejected, what we tend to do as women.
There’s something super special about this story and the fact we never are really alone. I love that you could ask a total stranger for help, he may have been surprised as you described but I could imagine one day when he needs help he could also ask someone he doesn’t know for help and it could begin a chain of one person after another asking for help and the beginning of us all working together.
I love this also for it is a truth that we are surrounded by support if only we connect, value ourselves and allow this to be so. The support is there in an instant in the way that is needed for all and yet it has always been so.
Absolutely Meg. The ripple effect is huge. I really try to keep this with me during my day. A full awareness of the ripples is super supportive to me. It’s when i go in to my own bubble, my own world, that the walls or protection start to rebuild.
I know what you mean, when I am aware of the ripple effect I am aware I am part of a much much bigger, grander picture, where everything is co-joined. But if I forget it then it’s just me and I get lost in my own world, forgetting everything I do has an immediate effect on someone else.
Absolutely. Having an every-moment-awareness of the all is actually very, very supportive. Playing small is a poison to me.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful honouring from both sides Sarah. In the past I was definitely in the struggle camp and can now feel how this has not only harmed my body but also the ripple effect on those around me as I was so often operating in the tension of struggle.
The delicateness and tenderness in the response of the man you have asked for help Sarah is magical. We can have these moments of magic throughout our day if we allow the connection to ourselves and others. The simplicity of your blog and what you have shared here Sarah feels magical to me, thank you.
Yes, I agree Katinka. These moments that Sarah shared are indeed truly magical and this is what happens when we choose to be open, loving and tender. Magic happens.
Yes chanly88, I feel truly blessed that I can see now that magic happens when we choose to connect and open up to everything and everyone around us, when we choose to be ourselves, the love, the delicateness, the fragility and the power we are.
We are not a ‘Thousand-armed Avalokiteśvara.’ So, when we go grocery shopping we should take this fact into account to decide how much we can carry in one go. Yet, if we still decide to try out and pretend to be one, asking for help sounds like a very loving choice.
I have a tendency to try and do too much – I’m glad you’ve pointed out we’re not one of these whatsits (which I am about to look up and find out what it is!)! I’m getting better at realising that I do actually have the time to take a few more trips and when I do everything goes much more smoothly.
A great sharing and reminder that we don’t need to do it ourselves, we can ask for help. I use to live in a momentum of doing everything myself and never really understood the impact it had on my body, which caused a lot of hardness. Over the last few years I have started to honour my body by asking for help with heavy objects and I have noticed the difference it has made in me and my body. When we honour ourselves we are able to reflect that to others.
I do this at school Amita, i have no issue in asking the kids for help to carry things, or asking the class teachers if I can have a couple of helpers to help me carry materials back to the store / staff room. I also now, even more so in the last week or two really honour what my body shares in term of carrying things – it may be one empty mug, rather than an empty mug, clothes, stuff for the bin and a towel or bringing in the shopping one bag at time. Everyday this changes, there is no set way, simply listening to my body and saying okay cool I’m going with what I feel. When I do I always feel joy, which is a great confirmation that I know what I have chosen is the truth.
Thank you Amita. ‘Hardness’ I feel is what keeps people out, it is a form of protection we create so we don’t have to interact with others and therefore feel we can do things on our own. I am like you Amita, I have started to open my heart to people and sharing my experiences regardless of how big or small and asking for help. Sharing makes everything so much more fun, enjoyable and brings people together. I simply love it, connecting with people.
The world is crying out to be met and simple acts of tenderness will always re-awaken what lies within us all… like the dog when you say walkies, it cant wait to go out.
So true Steve, people loved to be cared for and to care for others – it so natural – just as night and day.
“simple act of tenderness” – love it.
Yes Steve well said. It is what we in truth live for as it is these moments of tenderness and care shared that warm our hearts.
How wonderful must it have been for that man to have a woman just ask for such a tiny amount of support… It tells him he is seen, he is trusted, and he is reliable… All in one tiny question! Fantastic…
Steve – your comment is brilliant because…well, it’s just brilliant…but also, it’s brilliant because it makes it so incredibly simple – which it is – but we have all made it so complicated. All the protection, issues, lack of trust, blah, blah, blah that we carry around with us. A zillion fake reasons not to be open and tender with each other. When in fact, as you have so beautifully expressed, it is as simple as saying ‘walkies’ to a dog. Love it.
Ah this is beautiful Steve – you are so right, we pretend we are hard, we pretend we’re tough, but a simple act of tenderness melts everything.
This is such a lovely article Sarah, I have found that when i ask for help that people are very willing to help and like to be asked, it is lovely to connect in this way with people that we would otherwise not meet and feels very normal and natural to support each other.
I agree rebeccawingrave, people are very willing to help, and in a way you can feel them expand and it ignites the connection within them.
It comes down to the simple act of trust. When Sarah showed her trust in this man, he was able to respond in respect of that. This shows the level of trust that Sarah has for herself, and the love she feels for people, not needing to be guarded and struggle away on her own, no, Sarah is open to learning about trusting in herself and in everyone again, and has shown us how it can be done in the simplest of ways. Thank you Sarah.
I love what you have expressed here Shami. You have highlighted the initial impulse for this beautiful interaction to occur – that when one trusts oneself, is open and shares that, then miracles follow.
I’ve never looked at it like this before Shami but it makes total sense. If you don’t trust then you are going to stick to yourself and do everything yourself. If feels very hard and isolating. But if we express our trust then this will be reflected back to us and become a great confirmation that we are apart of brotherhood for both parties.
I agree Shami – great point highlighted thank you. When we honor ourselves with trusting in the love we are, we are then able to trust another, letting them in and in essence honoring the greatness they equally are and bring.
I agree Shami. And to build that trust we have to just go for it! Get out there! Give it a go! I so often find I have pre-written the script for what might happen – which, in essence creates my own contained world of control and protection. But then when I go ‘off-script’ I am constantly blown away by the fact that humanity is crying out for love.
What leaps out for me from this amazing story and is the absolutely massive blessing this would have been for the man. We men are craving for that tenderness in our lives, for that fragility, for that stillness. There isn’t much out there and what little there is, many of us keep out with our protection. But what you did is offer an opportunity for the man to drop that protection (hence the surprise and pause) and accept in full the absolute gorgeousness and strength of fragility that you offered him. I can tell you with 100% confidence that you change that man’s life. Such a powerful story. Massive bravo to you for offering that gold. Massive bravo to him for letting it in. Yeeaaahhh.
Otto you are so correct. I find that at work. I ask for help often and without a blink of an eyelid the help is there and delivered often with a cheeky smile and such tenderness. These apparently little things are not little at all.
Great comment Otto, what you offer is total gold. As I become more honouring and accepting of my body as a female, I find I now allow a man to open a door for me, or carry something heavy. It’s honouring for the both of us and it feels lovely.
Love this lindellparlour. And want to add that this kind of thing is so huge for us men. The movement of these acts, the acceptance of our strengths and fragilties, these expressions of tenderness and love…all of them…our bodies are crying out for them.
The ridiculous thing is Otto, that these gestures are so simple and they take nothing out of your day. But boy do they impact on your day in an amazing way.
And I would add that there is more to it than this. Yes, they impact your day in an amazing way. But it is also important to consider the fact that by not doing them we are also impacting ourselves hugely. In negative way. This is so crucial to me and has been a huge learning. Every choice has two sides to it. When I choose to not doing something truthful and loving that is one part of it. But it is not the only part. I have to consider the counter of that which is that what I am then doing is the opposite. My point being that there is no middle ground. Grasping and accepting this changes the game. I am not fully there – but am becoming more aware of this in every moment.
Ottobathurst I just felt to share my experience with you as our conversation has inspired me. Yesterday I asked two male work colleges if they could help take a trolley of photocopy paper to the photocopier. They both laughed at me and called me weak in comparison to an older lady who does not keep good health and never asks for help. I was taken a back by their comments and laughter and found myself going into justification. None the less one of the men did help me with the trolley. Pondering on this I became aware that women being in male energy and trying to do everything can set the tone for men and their responsibilities or lack of. Perhaps these 2 men in the past have offered this older lady some assistance and were rejected. This may have hurt these men and when I came along they reacted to protect their hurt. This is just an assumption but it made me realise the responsibility I have as a female. After all I am still unfolding as a woman, so right do I have going into male energy when I have much to learn about the female energy.
This is a very real story reflecting a very real situation. As we correct the past choices that we have all made as men and women, there will be bumps along the way, resistance met, old hurts to heal…but none of this should stop us expressing our truth in full because the world is crying out for men and women in their fullness and you asking that man for help will have been an absolute blessing for him…and you!
Gorgeous Otto. As in my experience being met with tenderness certainly melts away any walls of protection that keeps me from feeling the tenderness that I naturally am, through which we then begin to share our true selves. A blessed gift indeed.
Amazing to feel how it is in these simple and humble gestures such as asking for help from a place of tenderness with ourselves that can bring about such massive healing in another. Our walls of protection may appear thick but when we meet these walls with a tender vulnerability it can’t stay upright, and beyond the wall there is that same tenderness in the other, reignited and felt again, and all the joy in returning home to oneself in that moment. Wow… the power we have when we simply let ourselves be seen and express the beauty and tenderness of who we are.
Sarah, I really appreciate you taking the time to write about such a great moment, which most people can relate to. It is in these types of moments that we realize the loveliness of connecting with another in tenderness.
All about connections – even this little scenario like carrying bags. We can connect everywhere and with everyone, so beautiful.
Sarah having grown up feeling that connection with others is so important your story is beautiful to read, the self imposed boundaries of strangers were wiped clean in one simple, loving expression for support. Your story should inspire trust again in the world where we often don’t make eye contact let alone speak to one another.
Beautifully expressed David ‘…the self imposed boundaries of strangers were wiped clean in one simple, loving expression of support.’ That is all it takes to cut through the protective veneer, underneath which is our readiness to naturally connect with our fellow brothers and sisters!
That ‘not wanting to interfere’ for fear of rejection so often keeps men from offering to help a woman. If women make the first move and ask for support then it is an opportunity for both to connect and meet each other and dissolve the insular bubble we so often hold ourselves in.
This is very beautiful Sarah, little acts like this practiced all the time will help bring a little brotherhood back into our lives. For quite some time now, if I see someone struggling with something on the tube escalators or just struggling with bags I offer help. Sometimes my help is gratefully received and sometimes the person prefers the struggle or has lost such faith in humanity they might think I will run off with the bag.
I love your comment Kev, and am reminded that a big part of expressing the Love that we feel for our fellow man lies in the ability to accept how things are. Not feeling hurt by a perception of rejection by one who is mistrusting or ensconced in the struggle is as powerful as our help. I get the sense that you don’t judge others by their reactions. Bravo
A gorgeous read Sarah…what you share is so important as we can all relate to struggling on our own. And at the end of the day, people like to help; ‘ask and you shall receive’, is very true, but as you highlighted, it is how you ask! But what struck me was how you asked for support for something so small – is awesome – as in to ask for support even in the detail of placing a handle back on your shoulder – LOVE IT!
What I can feel in this blog is that life is full of these opportunities to connect with others in some way, to express our love and care for each other and remind ourselves of our oneness rather than separation. It’s just a choice but it is a choice that makes a world of difference when we make it so. Thank you Sarah for your inspiration.
True richardmills363, there are so many opportunities to connect with others if we so choose to, and Sarah has demonstrated one small yet very powerful one here. It take just one person to make the first move and more and more I’m doing that.
Beautiful Sarah, it is so simple to see you not only honour yourself but also the other in connecting in such a gentle and loving way. It is like a scene in a romantic movie but in this case it is real and truly supporting for both of you and not making one more important than the other, and you are not the helpless woman from the movie but an example of the power of asking support out of love.
Yes Annelies, it did feel like a scene in a romantic movie but in this case real. The quality of our days would be much greater if we allow these magical moment to unfold by honouring ourselves deeply and opening up to those around us.
Asking help is a thing that is so often seen as weak, while it is so empowering to care for ourself, we are together in this world, so why would we all have to do it on our own?
It’s part of the illusion to keep us all separate. Bastardise ‘help’ to make them think it’s for weak people. It’s just a belief. When in fact when we do have these small moments of asking another for help, we get to feel who we truly are and what we are apart of. It’s that strong within us that it only takes a split moment to feel that we are all together in this world.
That is true Benkt. Yet there is so much power in knowing we do not know and need help, and a terrible subterfuge in pretending we do know and carrying on alone. How many mistakes are made in this way?
What a beautiful sharing about the little things that can make all the difference in our day.
I find some of the littlest things are my most favourite memories throughout a day. A simple interaction of kindness and support is very uplifting.
Yes and it can make the day for someone – in this loving connection meeting another, what a gift and blessing.
Yes Judith so true – a beautiful sharing of how the magic of God is ever-present throughout our day.
“The power of not doing it alone” – here is the crux! We are not alone, but boy we can feel like we are. What I have realised is that my feeling of being alone comes from a protective little bubble that I built. I am popping my way through the bubble, making myself more open and available to people and far more willing to ask for the help I need. The results are wonderful for everyone.
Yes Rachel “We are not alone, but boy we can feel like we are.” I have lived like Sarah shared in her blog, the doing it all myself without caring when something goes wrong. I found this puts such a huge tension on my body to look as if I am ok, when I am actually really in a uncomfortable situation. Asking for help breaks this bubble (love it) and makes life less stressful.
It offers people an opportunity to be their gorgeous selves. It is grace in action to allow ourselves to be supported.
Love it Rachel here’s to popping away at our protective bubbles.
It is not protection, I have come to see, more of a self made prison and solitary confinement.
I agree Rachel, it is huge asking for help and not feeling we have to do it all alone. It is a complete and utter lie that we are here alone to do things alone. It is something I love about nature seeing how it works together. The more and more I work with others and do not try to simply go it alone, the more content I feel both with myself and with others.
What I love about working with others and getting assistance from them, and offering it in return, is that the result is vastly greater than anything any person can achieve alone. Understandings come out that you just can’t get working solo. Problems are not so insurmountable when 2 or more pairs of eyes are looking at them.
I agree Rachel, it is easy on our own to get stuck in a narrow view whereas somebody else may bring a completely new perspective, a new reflection to then work with. What is interesting is how we take it! We can either say no I know what I am doing, or be open to the possibility that they may either have a better way of doing something, or that you need to consider more than what you are just looking at. Also either way 4 hands can generally do more than 2 so it is much more efficient when we work together!
I love that Rachel and James. It takes self out of the picture and the huge burdens we place on ourselves. When you know you’re not doing it alone there so much more to what you are doing. You and the things you do become inclusive and not exclusive. Never have to worry about if it is accepted – it already is.
I love it Rik, indeed the pressure that we take off ourselves to get it right and be perfect is huge. It is a massive picture so many of us place on ourselves thinking that we have to be perfect, that we have all the answers and have to do things alone.
Wonderful Rachel! We create our ‘being alone’ – so we can also liquidate this illusion. “The results are wonderful for everyone.” 🙂
Love the pic of we are all living in our own little bubbles, submerged in our own creation and then … knock knock – someone is knocking on our bubble-door, smiling, eye contact, offering connection. Bubble disappear (‘Plop!’) – and Love flows again… Ahhh.
That is a beautiful image Sandra. We are not only living our bubbles…we are blowing them ourselves too. Blowing bubbles was one of my favourite things to do as a little girl…They looked so lovely floating about in the air, glistening in the light.
But they make a terrible place to live and hide in, even when they are imaginary. And even though they only exist in our minds, they really do need to be popped so that we can come back to unity.
Yes they can be nice as we live in them but also horrible – however we are separated from each other and the bubble is in fact an illusion we breath and blow (create). Bubbles should be what they are – something playful and beautiful to look at while they fly away and melt but not a place to live in.
Yes it is strange that in a world so crammed full of people we can feel alone and so separate. The simple act of asking for help is a win win situation. Sarah asking for help broke the man out of his protective bubble and gave him an opportunity to connect. Sarah got the support she needed. Beautiful.
All we need is the opportunity to be presented. Having been someone who has gone through life guarded to the hilt, armed to the teeth and always on high alert, what I have noticed is that the more I have dropped all of that the more people want to approach me…and offer assistance.
A lovely man took my suitcase down from the overhead plane locker on a flight recently. I was so touched by his unasked for gesture of care that I couldn’t stop smiling. I am pretty sure that this would never have happened in that not so long ago era of super self protection when I was living in my über bubble of “stay away!”
Its true how we can really think we are alone, when actually we are never alone. There are 7 billion people on the planet… but we have the illusion we are alone.
It really takes some effort Heather, a deliberate sense of alienation from each other. This is so easy because we get hurt by other people – careless words, physical aggression, bullying (which is rising to unprecedented levels) – all contribute to the bubble. Really I should have called it a shell or a shield. Behind the shell there is a sense of isolation, in spite of the 7 billion we share our planet with, the several hundred we share a neighbourhood with and even the handful of people we share a home or office with.
This is gorgeous Sarah and I bet he was left feeling a moment of joy at having helped another and feeling the moment of connection – it works both ways.
Such a simple but profound moment Sarah. We are continually being observed, so you lovingly choosing to care for yourself on that day could have inspired others to do the same. I did something similar travelling around London this year, my suitcase was too heavy for me and many of the tube station had lots of stairs and no elevators. I made a choice not to carry my suitcase and respect my body. So every time I came to a set of stairs there were gentlemen there offering to carry my bag or I asked someone and they were more than happy to help. What I found is that we all love to connect and engage with each other, and are just looking for an opportunity to.
You are totally right here Aimee it’s a win, win situation for everyone, I don’t help people in these situations to make me feel good, but it generally does make me feel good so thats just a bonus. Living in London it is really easy to commute across the whole of the place without connecting to anyone if that is what you choose, but how much better would the place be if people were connecting in different ways all the time through simple acts like helping each other.
“…but how much better would the place be if people were connecting in different ways all the time through simple acts like helping each other.” I feel illness and disease would not be in the state it is now Kevmchardy, as people wouldn’t be closing down by holding back and hardening themselves, from their natural state of being which is to connect and let people in.
‘What I found is that we all love to connect and engage with each other, and are just looking for an opportunity to’. This was exactly my feeling Aimee when I was reading the blog. After all having that connection with another is more natural to us than holding ourselves in isolation.
‘What I found is that we all love to connect and engage with each other, and are just looking for an opportunity to.’ So true Aimee. And the London tube can be a solo and miserable place but when we open up to others it changes the feeling of it all and others welcome the opportunity to connect.
Yes Michelle, its like true medicine as it can completely change how we feel in an instant when we connect with another.
Absolutely Aimee, we are naturally pulled to do so as was your experience and mine too.
Beautiful Aimee. That is so lovely and refreshing to hear. What if these simple acts of love were in our newspapers and on the tv news or radio, inspiring each other to do the same, instead we have violence and drug busts.
Beautiful Sarah, how awesome that you chose to ask for help in that moment. I can feel how asking for help is not so much about wanting/demanding something from another, but is an opportunity to simply connect with another when coming from a place of honouring oneself. I can start to feel in a different way the blessing of helping one another.
What a beautiful moment of tenderness and care shared. The power of self responsibility and love is so simple yet it’s magnification beyond words.
This is absolutely amazing Sarah! I find that it is the little things that are really telling. Most people would have just struggled on, but to seek assistance shows a true and deep level of self-care. It is no surprise to read that having honored yourself in seeking assistance, the assistance was rendered in a tender and supportive way. What is amazing is that having had this experience you have also shared it for the support of others. Once your car has broken down and you are stuck on the side of the road it is easy to seek the support that you need. It is not so easy to ask for the support that we need every day prior to having a big stop. Thank you again Sarah, I appreciate the depth of care that you have developed that allowed you to seek support in this situation.
This simple sharing is a treasure Sarah. Everything matters and I know how the small self appreciative gestures confirm me every time I honour myself.
Yes we do need to make the first move – the world is waiting for it.
Yes, yes and yes – to all of you who are talking about offering us men the opportunity. And yes, yes, and yes to all of us men who then have the responsibility to drop the guards and let these beautiful opportunities in to our lives.
On that note I have also experienced something similar a number of times. On the underground train when a woman is offered a seat by a man. (As an aside the number of times I have seen women not accept, even when they are clearly tired and would like to sit down speaks volumes about where we are at – but that’s a different conversation.) My point being that what I notice when a man does offer his seat, and a woman does accept it, is the effect that it has on everyone else in the train carriage. You get some jealousy from the other men – who wish that they had been more chivalrous in offering their seat. You get some ‘uncomfortableness’ from both men and women at this outward expression of our truth. BUT, in the main, I sense that most get this amazing blessing. A collective ‘phew’, a collective out-breath as everyone releases a little bit of the tension they are holding; whether that be guards, ideals, hardness whatever…The point being that it is so crystal clear to me that humanity is crying out for this. Crying out for us to return to a place of delicacy, tenderness, brotherhood and appreciation of our individual expressions. It’s beautiful. So, next time you ask for help with your bags, make sure you do it in front of as many people as possible!!!
Thank you Otto I love your response. I have been out on a few occasions with a friend of mine and he loves to open doors, help me put my coat, walk by the roadside. I love it and he loves it.
True Sarah, as a gorgeous friend of mine keeps repeating: women are in the lead with this (and other things). The example you shared clearly shows how both benefit from the opportunity you offered. Like you say: the world is waiting for it. Waiting for us to connect back to the divinity we originate from and to its qualities of tenderness and brotherhood.
Here is just an example Otto. I recently asked a man to assist me to lift a heavy crate out of my car. He was sitting with his mate and when I approached him, he looked suspicious at first, giving a questioning look to his friend. Something unfolded in the 60 seconds we were together as he rose and followed me to my car and into the function room with the crate. I could feel him drop his guard and enjoy supporting me. As he passed his mate he made a comment that we all smiled at and there was a known experience that ‘this is what life is meant to be like’. We long to support others, it is natural – just like one raindrop joins another as it makes it’s way down the window pane; we recognise each other and become one.
We are all waiting for ‘it’- and personally for each of us it might be a slightly different flavor of how we expect we need to be met. I agree we need to make the first move else we will be waiting forever.
Yes Sarah, I think many men are now afraid to offer these simple gestures… afraid they’ll offend a woman, in the mistaken belief that she is ‘equal’ and therefore can do all things a man can do, including opening a door, and carrying heavy bags. So refreshing and totally agree Otto, that deep down, it is natural for a man to do such things. Equally it will be lovely to see the day when this is reciprocated – no longer a gender gesture necessarily but a fellow-brother-in-need gesture.
Such great sharing Sarah and a reminder for us all to ask for help whenever we even suspect we could use it – we can practice asking for help with little things. I used to struggle to get my suitcase off the baggage conveyor or up in the carry-on compartments and now I look around for a strong looking fellow (or woman) to help me and they are always pleased to be asked to help. When we do this we not only honour ourselves – we model for others that its OK to connect and help each other.
Jean I was recently on a plane trip and I asked a gentleman if he could help me and put my carryon luggage in the compartment as I have an injured shoulder. He was so gracious and obliging. At the end of the flight he looked at me, nodded his head with a smile and said I’ll get it for you. I didn’t even have to ask, he just came over from his seat that was behind me and got my luggage before his own. Simple gestures like this really do mean a lot to people. I was very appreciative and we shared a great moment of brief connection. It was nice to share a moment of support and a smile with a stranger.
Thanks Tracy, there is so much beauty in the world if we allow it… and sometimes it seems in the most unexpected places. Give people half a chance, and they will respond with equal grace more often than not it seems.
I agree Jenny, I travel a lot and at times when my carry on bag is heavy and I am not up to carrying it up the stairs either at airports or onto the plane I will ask a man if he could do this for me. I have had a really lovely connection with all the men I have asked and they love supporting me. In one of the airports where there were a lot of stairs one gentleman waited for me at each staircase to carry my bag with out me even asking him. It seems to me they love the opportunity to care for you as often they do not get to express this quality as a lot of women have become so independent and self sufficient.
Yes I’ve had this experience also marylouisemyers, its lovely to feel a man able to express his tender qualities, not by what he may be doing, but by him just being who he naturally is.
I completely agree Mary Louise because I have been one of those defiantly independent women who has fiercely rejected any form of help or support from men, thus rendering them purposeless. It is so cruel. With the immense support and healing from Universal Medicine, I have been able to dissemble my defiance and re-claim my tenderness and these days fully appreciate all the care, attention and support that men are so willing to give to everyone. What a joy and gift to be able to stop a stranger and ask for support and to be given it so lovingly. Its very innate in all of us and a Sarah’s blog is a great example of how we bring that out in one another by allowing others to see our vulnerability.
I can relate very much to the independent and self-sufficient Mary-Louise. It has actually been very freeing to let go of these expectations that I have had on myself and show myself the tenderness and care that I deserve.
Mary Louise what you have described here is similar to my own experiences and I too felt the very caring nature of the men who naturally wanted to help.
I too have noticed how much men love to support women in heavier duty tasks. I used to block this but as I allow it more and more, I realise that not only am I receiving the love and care, but I have allowed another the opportunity to express exactly that. So often we think we are asking for a favour, yet both people receive something wonderful.
I’ve also had this experience where I’ve asked a man for help with something too heavy for me and have always been met by a willingness to help. Just recently, without asking, my neighbour has been putting my bins out and bringing them in for me. The other day he called out over the fence to let me know he would put my green bin out because it was full and heavy. I was so touched by his kindness and I graciously accept his help.
Thank you, Sarah for this lovely anecdote. It just goes to show how important it is to honour our body’s calls and also receive and give another a call from another equal being – you and the man who helped you. To interact with each other, especially when shopping is a beautiful reminder that we are all equally one, and provides a wonderful opportunity to share this truth in the world.
Engagement and connect-ability is what makes life so so… rich.
‘Engagement and connect-ability is what makes life so so… rich.’ Yes Luke, a priceless commodity.
It does make it rich – such a tiny encounter between two strangers can bring such a spark of connection, it changes the entire day.
How do we start a camp fire which warms a group of people sitting around it at night?… but from a spark. 😉
Connecting with another member of the community like this and allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough to ask for help can be hugely powerful. It’s a simple interaction and gesture but one that offers the other person the opportunity to experience being trusted by a complete stranger, while breaking down the ideals we hold onto in our protection around strangers.
Beautiful Sarah, such a simple moment of grace with another… I imagine you made his day also, to be met in this way and respond in the same grace is an opportunity few are given these days.
So true Jenny. I like to smile when I make eye contact with people and many more times than not they respond not only with a smile – there is a recognition that says ” I have seen you, I know you and I know your essence is the same as mine”. we are all the same and we all know it!
Beautifully said bernadetteglass, it makes such a difference to walk through life connecting to each other and not “walk around in solo/contained units” as Sarah puts it.
Yes Bernadette “we are all the same and we all know it!’ – it’s fascinating to see the truth of this play out in interactions like Sarah describes, and yes, when true smiles are exchanged so willingly and spontaneously between strangers. It is our first instinct to reciprocate no question, which proves the truth of what you say. It is also easy to feel what has occurred for someone when they choose not to respond with the same, but it comes in AFTER the moment of recognition of what is being offered by the other.
I love your comment Bernadette, that’s exactly how it feels, and in that moment of recognition the heart warms and expands. Those moments light my day.
Yes Bernadette, the same for me. I embrace meeting people with a smile. It CAN change someone’s day. As Sarah says, people have given up and hide in their solos of disappointment. They are looking though, because they have eyes and an essence inside that is sacred, untouched, and waiting to come out. A smile gives them permission – a free and most wondrous gift!!
Your sharing here Rik has inspired me to be in the world today and to intentionally connect more deeply from the knowing of that space within us all that is ‘untouched’, uncontaminated by the hurts that fool us into believing we are less than the love we are.
I have definitely experienced this too, there is a greater recognition among us than physically knowing someone. It’s amazing to look into the eyes of a stranger and feel that same love and equalness and knowing. It’s like something ancient and deep inside us that we all know but do not yet speak about. I love these moments with people.
Absolutely Jenny, I am sure he would have discussed this moment with others and what a blessing for those involved and all who have had the opportunity to share in this moment of tenderness and connection.
Agree Lee, it is amazing how these little moments, that we can often take for granted can have such a powerful impact and reflection on both ourselves and others. There are many loving gestures that can touch a persons heart and stay with them for the rest of their life without ever having to see that person again or make a big deal out of it at the time. it might be saying how lovely someone you see in a supermarket looks in her blue dress, how much you appreciate someone at work for their care or helping someone in the street with a bag.
Yes the ripple effect… if we could truly see how far and wide our actions and interactions affected, we may find it easier to appreciate the power we each hold, and the responsibility for consistently offering this to everyone we meet, everywhere.
It is true Jenny, few are and this is a crime in itself. Connecting naturally in this way is so important for all and the word brotherhood comes up as interactions such as these are areas of brotherhood that are important to build upon, reminding ourselves and others that we are all one big family, we have just not been living this.
Exactly and well said Aminatumi
I agree Jenny, it is beautiful to be met in this way and is always lovely to stop and interact with others. It is such a warm feeling when you meet someone with your eyes even if they are a complete stranger.
Agree James, in the moment when you do meet, if it’s true, there is no sense of being strangers. Then we think that’s so remarkable, when really, it should be the normal way we feel with everyone. We live so separate from everyone who is not familiar to us (and often to them too), that when we do let down the guard and actually meet, it’s worthy of mention. Something is very wrong with that, even though we’ve made it absolutely normal.
What is shows is how much we are actually connected to each other and within that split second we can know everything about the person. Our bodies communicate so much more than we realise. It blows out of the water needing to get to know someone because if the connection is there, which it can be with anyone then honour it rather than think we need to spend ages getting to know them before we can trust them.
Yes it does James, great point… trust has nothing to do with the other person, or the length of time we’ve spent ‘getting to know them’. In that moment described by Sarah, there was complete trust in an instance. It blows many things out of the water when it comes to the expectations we hold around everyday interactions with so-called strangers.
It is amazing how easy we are to judge people as well simply because of the way they look. For example, often people who are very overweight are very sensitive and do not know how to cope with the world and what they are feeling so they eat to numb their senses. So whilst you could look at them and say how could they let themselves get that way, etc.. they may be and are some of the sweetest people. We just have to not go straight with what our eyes see and always bring it back to what we are feeling.
Yes agreed James, it’s too easy to judge based on what our eyes see… often it’s not until I hear their story, or they let down their guard that I am more aware of what else is there beneath the surface. It is so easy to see and judge the outer, which instantly shuts off any ability to feel who they really are.
What I love is that when I allow the other person the space to be who they are without judging them in anyway I see how amazing they actually are, even though they may not be acting that way!
Jenny – I KNOW that Sarah made his day!! No question. As a man I can absolutely guarantee that this would have been the most gorgeous experience for him. The expression of fragility is like nectar for our bodies (except I’m not sure our bodies like nectar – but you get my point!)
Yes and so lovely to hear you say it like that Otto, as distinct from a woman being helpless or weak in the asking for help.
There is so much power in fragility. Which, by the way, is a beautiful sentence to write because the truth of both words; ‘power’ and ‘fragility’ have been so lost – great to reclaim them!
By asking, that moment was opened up. By not asking the open window for others to express their love and care has a much smaller opening. Perhaps many of us are wanting to express such care and are looking for those moments. When we ask, we are showing people a way.
Absolutely Nikki, wouldn’t it be great to have a looking glass and see the forever ripple effects of a moment such as this in that man’s life… I have no doubt it is long and broad.
It is indeed by small moments such as these that we can change the world.
Yes such simple things, but yet so rare as to warrant a blog.