Last night when I was leaving the supermarket with my bags, one bag handle came off my shoulder, which caused unevenness in the way I was carrying the bags and the potential for some groceries to fall out, or the bag to fall off my shoulder.
In the past, I would have ‘carried on’ regardless and had tins of tuna roll out onto the street, then creating a little scene of the drama of struggling to put the bags down, whilst retrieving the tuna from the kerbside and then carrying on to the car – and doing this without looking like anything had gone down!
Or I would have struggled with four bags and tried to put the bag handle back on my shoulder myself, or done nothing and walked in the tension that the bag might fall off, groceries might fall out etc… you get the picture. And I would have never, (or pretty much never) ever have asked for someone to help me.
But over the past four years I have started to make my life a lot less about struggle and much more about love and honoring and taking care of myself – in all situations, both big and small – especially the small. And I have started to learn to ask for support – also in the big and the small. So when the handle came off my shoulder, I stopped a man and asked him if he could put it back onto my shoulder.
It was so simple: he initially was a little surprised to be stopped (as I think most people are these days – we walk around in such solo/contained units but that’s another story!) – and then what happened was really beautiful. He put the handle back onto my shoulder with such grace and care, with a little pat for good measure. We shared a great smile, I thanked him, and then we went our separate ways.
If I had not asked him, that opportunity for me to honor and take care of myself and the opportunity for him to support another would have been missed. I realise it was how I asked him that made the difference – I came from a place of tenderness, honoring and care in wanting to support myself in every moment and he responded with such tenderness and care.
I also realised the power of not doing it alone and keeping things simple.
So I say thanks to me for asking for help and thanks for that man for helping me. And to Serge Benhayon and Natalie Benhayon who are a constant source of inspiration – they have taught me so much about self-care and self-responsibility and to live in a way that honors who we are, and with simplicity.
By Sarah Flenley, Community Engagement Officer, Cairns, Far North Queensland, Australia
What’s All The Fuss About Self-Care?
952 thoughts on “Excuse Me, Can You Help?”
Sarah the simplicity of this sharing says that not only is asking for a simple gesture important, but the appreciation of the simple support we offer to one another is important. It does not need to look anything big to care for one another and at times, it can stop someone in their tracks that there is a caring side to them, even in their busy lives.
Asking for support when it is truly needed, helps to waken up the caring aspects in another too.
Asking for support shows that we aren’t able to do everything on our own. Our lives are around family, teams – brotherhood. We can’t do it alone.
I am one who has in the past been one of those people who prides herself on being self sufficient and not ‘needing’ anyone. But this calls for a hardened way of living that is rigid and not allowing of the support of others. Thankfully I too have softened up and learned to ask for support when truly needed.
Yes, I too was like this, not needing to ask for support as I was self sufficient, but I am gradually asking for support in more and more areas of my life, and I must say this now feels very beautiful.
Love it Sarah – asking for help is key. We are not here to do it all alone, we are here to connect and work together.
Sharing openly like this Sarah, when we get the impulse or simply when what we are doing gives us the opportunity is surprising revealing in how open others are to sharing with an open hearted approach as you have shared.
What you are sharing here with us all is very beautiful because it gave the other person the opportunity to respond with genuine care towards you so that you were both blessed by the interaction between you.
;Going it alone’ is a very lonely place but being open and connecting with others is to feel how much love we have to share with each other.
I know the times I have reached out for support people love it, often they don’t want to ask in case they get rejected, but your blog Sarah highlights how there are always opportunities to connect with others if we remain open to this.
Ah the rejection! It’s like asking for help is admitting that we can be vulnerable and in that space to be rejected hurts even more (or so it appears to hurt more).
There are many ways to honor ourselves. Ask for help is one way. Preparing ourselves (in this case with a shopping cart that is available in every super market and can get us to our car with our shopping) is another one.
This makes me realise what a big deal I have made out asking for help to be. Like, I have to have a proper, justified reason to be asking for help, and as if I have to thank them profusely for the rest of my life, so train myself up to be self-sufficient under any circumstance and asking for help has to be the last resort when all has failed. And when I come from that place, if I don’t get helped, I am left hurt. What a drama.
Yes I know the feeling and have a sense that what gets us is the lack of communication we have most of the time. We can’t read peoples minds so we need to communicate when we need help instead of expecting people to understand us all the time without saying something.
Spot on Leike – we cannot read people’s minds and sometimes we forget that others cannot read our minds either and so communication is key. This is a beautiful point to highlight as it simplifies life so much more amongst each other when we can communicate that which we are feeling and thinking.
Yeah, I love it too because it eradicates judgement and expectations between people when the communication is clear and open.
Yes Lieke, honest and open communication is essential.
One of my favourite things to do is to help another when they’re not expecting it, and similarly I’m incredibly touched when someone picks up something I dropped or goes out of their way to help me, I think our connections with other people are one of the most incredible parts of life, it’s crazy to just think we’re in it alone when there’s 7 billion people who feel the same as us.
People just love to help and support – that has been my experience since learning to ask for what is needed.
This is my experience too, people love to support when it is truly needed, it is very lovely to feel.
In the past my pattern would be to do everything on my own and never ask for help, opening up to others and asking and accepting support has been a game changer for me and allowed me to feel the true support that is around me at all times.
I love it. If we don’t ever ask for help we miss these magic moments where we realise that life is so much better together.
I have never met anyone who does not love to help and the support is always there for the asking. And if not, there’s someone else who might have overheard the request and is only too happy to step in.
It’s amazing how often we hold back from asking someone to help when we really need it – why bear a heavy load alone when it can be lightened and shared.
I love the drama scene at the start with cans of tuna rolling around the street. It exposes how much we can like drama as we set it up. Really we are given simplicity and that is the flow of life, but if we don’t take these little moments that simplicity quickly becomes complexity and complexity feeds itself quite fast.
There is a great beauty in reaching out to someone you do not know, or exchanging some words with another when shopping. We are one family– we all have a heart, we all have the same Father in Heaven.
People are much more willing to support each other than we realise, and the simple act of asking for a bit of help will show us that willingness.
This is so true in my experience.
This afternoon at the supermarket, I saw a lady was trying to load her shopping on the cash counter while holding her crying baby. She was struggling to calm her baby and shop at the same time, so another customer came to help and loaded her shopping onto the counter for her. This was amazing to see and it made me realise that sometimes we may not ask for help but people can clearly see that support is needed, and when people jump in to help without question, it reminds me of how natural this is but often a rare sight.
Gorgeous reading for today Sarah, so simple and beautiful in honouring your tenderness and allowing another to feel his tenderness also.
In the past I would never ask for help with my bags, now I almost always do as I have discovered that the staff in my local super market are more than willing to help me with my bags to my car.
“Honouring” our-self so we are starting to be at=least gentle-with-our-self, then we are on the road to living in “tenderness.”
‘especially the small’, it is in all the small changes that we make in the way we live that brings enormous change.
If you had not asked him, he would not have had the opportunity to show such grace, love and care. By asking for support, we offer others an opportunity to express love.
Love the simplicity!
Reaching out and asking is our natural way of being, and this is always sharing from that Inner-most essence, which when we stay aligned to is all “about self-care and self-responsibility and to live in a way that honors” that.
Awesome blog Sarah – what is so lovely is that you not only had help but two beautiful human beings connected together in a parking lot, with no tendrils attached. Just beautiful!
There is so much communicated in our exchanges with people, much more than words alone. As you have shared Sarah you felt the man responded tenderly to your own intent to care for and honour your self.
What a beautiful blog to re-read Sarah. Such grace and simplicity. The human spirit loves a struggle and a drama – ‘Ah poor me, i have to struggle alone, there’s no one to help me’. What is true in the sense that if one is carrying that consciousness there indeed will not be anyone to help as individualisation has no part in the truth of hierarchy. A simple openness to ask works wonders, and the hierarchy is right there at our back supporting us in our universality.
Taking every opportunity to reach out and connect with another as you have Sarah, should be considered as normal, with the mutual respect and decency that we can all share all of the time. May this way of treating each other can become part of schools curriculum so we learn to express with the level of connection that you have shared Sarah.
It would be so supportive for communities for schools to change their emphasis on competition to co-operation and collaboration – as you say Greg, working together with mutual respect and decency. It’s much better than the ‘dog eat dog’ mentality and striving as individuals to get to the top that currently permeates society.
So True Melinda, when we cooperate like when the young are in preschool, and the idea of games is not aligned to, then the children readily play with each other in a simple Joy.
It is sad that we can feel alone in a world where we are surrounded by millions – in this point alone, if we honestly look at it, there is something greatly amiss. For within every single person on this plant there is an incredibly gorgeous quality for us to connect to and be inspired by.
To feel alone when we are surrounded by millions is a choice. As exposed in this blog, all it takes is a “hello” or “excuse me, can you help?”.
It really does bring out the best in people… So to speak :-)… I am continually asking for help when I travel… And it can come from the most surprising places.
Asking for help is healthy. something I put off for a long time, until recently and I am sensing that it is the most absolute welcoming and loving thing to do.
Yes, and it gives us an opportunity to connect with another, which most people love.
I was in a large shop this week looking at an item when an assistant came up and asked if she could help me. What she was really saying underneath her question, was can I help her…as she then continued to share with me. What originally presents can be covering up something much deeper.
I love your example, how we can bring this support into our everyday activities. I now have to ask for support when travelling with my heavy suitcases, the response and help has been amazing, and we get to connect with so many more people.
Hi, Sarah, yes putting into practice what we see, feel and observe is super important – the immediacy of your response is worth gold. Simply because if we wait or don’t the potential might loose its hold: as the evolution you were offered in that moment has simply gone. But might come back to you in a different moment – different way. Nevertheless, it is so important to act on what we feel straight away – so we get the full benefit and evolution offered (by own choice), and not anything less instead offered.