Excuse Me, Can You Help?

Last night when I was leaving the supermarket with my bags, one bag handle came off my shoulder, which caused unevenness in the way I was carrying the bags and the potential for some groceries to fall out, or the bag to fall off my shoulder.

In the past, I would have ‘carried on’ regardless and had tins of tuna roll out onto the street, then creating a little scene of the drama of struggling to put the bags down, whilst retrieving the tuna from the kerbside and then carrying on to the car – and doing this without looking like anything had gone down!

Or I would have struggled with four bags and tried to put the bag handle back on my shoulder myself, or done nothing and walked in the tension that the bag might fall off, groceries might fall out etc… you get the picture. And I would have never, (or pretty much never) ever have asked for someone to help me.

But over the past four years I have started to make my life a lot less about struggle and much more about love and honoring and taking care of myself – in all situations, both big and small – especially the small. And I have started to learn to ask for support – also in the big and the small. So when the handle came off my shoulder, I stopped a man and asked him if he could put it back onto my shoulder.

It was so simple: he initially was a little surprised to be stopped (as I think most people are these days – we walk around in such solo/contained units but that’s another story!) – and then what happened was really beautiful. He put the handle back onto my shoulder with such grace and care, with a little pat for good measure. We shared a great smile, I thanked him, and then we went our separate ways.

If I had not asked him, that opportunity for me to honor and take care of myself and the opportunity for him to support another would have been missed. I realise it was how I asked him that made the difference – I came from a place of tenderness, honoring and care in wanting to support myself in every moment and he responded with such tenderness and care.

I also realised the power of not doing it alone and keeping things simple.

So I say thanks to me for asking for help and thanks for that man for helping me. And to Serge Benhayon and Natalie Benhayon who are a constant source of inspiration – they have taught me so much about self-care and self-responsibility and to live in a way that honors who we are, and with simplicity.

By Sarah Flenley, Community Engagement Officer, Cairns, Far North Queensland, Australia

Further reading:
What’s All The Fuss About Self-Care?
Indestructible

966 thoughts on “Excuse Me, Can You Help?

  1. This makes me realise what a big deal I have made out asking for help to be. Like, I have to have a proper, justified reason to be asking for help, and as if I have to thank them profusely for the rest of my life, so train myself up to be self-sufficient under any circumstance and asking for help has to be the last resort when all has failed. And when I come from that place, if I don’t get helped, I am left hurt. What a drama.

  2. Yes I know the feeling and have a sense that what gets us is the lack of communication we have most of the time. We can’t read peoples minds so we need to communicate when we need help instead of expecting people to understand us all the time without saying something.

  3. One of my favourite things to do is to help another when they’re not expecting it, and similarly I’m incredibly touched when someone picks up something I dropped or goes out of their way to help me, I think our connections with other people are one of the most incredible parts of life, it’s crazy to just think we’re in it alone when there’s 7 billion people who feel the same as us.

  4. Struggling by myself was a pattern I maintained for a long time not wanting to ‘bother’ people but really I was not wanting to connect and open up very much with anyone as I had hardened myself in protection. Since being inspired to choose to be more self-loving and tender in the way I am now living I no longer feel to put myself into a struggle and am far more willing to listen to how my body is feeling refining my choices to best support me. This has enabled me to let go of hardness and be more open with people as I deepen my relationship with myself and how I treat my body the reflections in life start to mirror that also.

  5. In the past my pattern would be to do everything on my own and never ask for help, opening up to others and asking and accepting support has been a game changer for me and allowed me to feel the true support that is around me at all times.

  6. I have never met anyone who does not love to help and the support is always there for the asking. And if not, there’s someone else who might have overheard the request and is only too happy to step in.

  7. It’s amazing how often we hold back from asking someone to help when we really need it – why bear a heavy load alone when it can be lightened and shared.

  8. I love the drama scene at the start with cans of tuna rolling around the street. It exposes how much we can like drama as we set it up. Really we are given simplicity and that is the flow of life, but if we don’t take these little moments that simplicity quickly becomes complexity and complexity feeds itself quite fast.

  9. There is a great beauty in reaching out to someone you do not know, or exchanging some words with another when shopping. We are one family– we all have a heart, we all have the same Father in Heaven.

  10. People are much more willing to support each other than we realise, and the simple act of asking for a bit of help will show us that willingness.

  11. This afternoon at the supermarket, I saw a lady was trying to load her shopping on the cash counter while holding her crying baby. She was struggling to calm her baby and shop at the same time, so another customer came to help and loaded her shopping onto the counter for her. This was amazing to see and it made me realise that sometimes we may not ask for help but people can clearly see that support is needed, and when people jump in to help without question, it reminds me of how natural this is but often a rare sight.

  12. Gorgeous reading for today Sarah, so simple and beautiful in honouring your tenderness and allowing another to feel his tenderness also.

  13. In the past I would never ask for help with my bags, now I almost always do as I have discovered that the staff in my local super market are more than willing to help me with my bags to my car.

  14. If you had not asked him, he would not have had the opportunity to show such grace, love and care. By asking for support, we offer others an opportunity to express love.

  15. Reaching out and asking is our natural way of being, and this is always sharing from that Inner-most essence, which when we stay aligned to is all “about self-care and self-responsibility and to live in a way that honors” that.

  16. Awesome blog Sarah – what is so lovely is that you not only had help but two beautiful human beings connected together in a parking lot, with no tendrils attached. Just beautiful!

  17. There is so much communicated in our exchanges with people, much more than words alone. As you have shared Sarah you felt the man responded tenderly to your own intent to care for and honour your self.

  18. What a beautiful blog to re-read Sarah. Such grace and simplicity. The human spirit loves a struggle and a drama – ‘Ah poor me, i have to struggle alone, there’s no one to help me’. What is true in the sense that if one is carrying that consciousness there indeed will not be anyone to help as individualisation has no part in the truth of hierarchy. A simple openness to ask works wonders, and the hierarchy is right there at our back supporting us in our universality.

  19. Taking every opportunity to reach out and connect with another as you have Sarah, should be considered as normal, with the mutual respect and decency that we can all share all of the time. May this way of treating each other can become part of schools curriculum so we learn to express with the level of connection that you have shared Sarah.

    1. It would be so supportive for communities for schools to change their emphasis on competition to co-operation and collaboration – as you say Greg, working together with mutual respect and decency. It’s much better than the ‘dog eat dog’ mentality and striving as individuals to get to the top that currently permeates society.

      1. So True Melinda, when we cooperate like when the young are in preschool, and the idea of games is not aligned to, then the children readily play with each other in a simple Joy.

  20. It is sad that we can feel alone in a world where we are surrounded by millions – in this point alone, if we honestly look at it, there is something greatly amiss. For within every single person on this plant there is an incredibly gorgeous quality for us to connect to and be inspired by.

    1. To feel alone when we are surrounded by millions is a choice. As exposed in this blog, all it takes is a “hello” or “excuse me, can you help?”.

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