From Resisting Self-Care to Confirming Myself

I read an article recently – Haunted by the Desire to not Live: Finding my Way back to My True Self – where the author stated that it had taken her three years to feel love for herself. This gave me a ‘stop moment’ to look at where I am with my own self-love.

I have been studying with Universal Medicine for the past four and a half years and in that time I have made many changes… but I still (or so I thought on first reading this article) haven’t got the ‘self-care’ thing right. Indeed, earlier on this year I had a session with a psychologist and I remember saying: “I don’t even self-care.” I understand now how arrogant this was, and is!

Pondering on my lack of self-care recently, and especially after reading the following quote in Serge Benhayon’s’ book Open Letter to Humanity (p.542): “By choosing to self-love, we deepen our self-caring, which then leads to self nurturing.” I asked myself, “What does this mean for me?”

I understand now that my resistance to self-care is in fact a resistance to loving myself – for how can I care for myself and my body, let alone nurture myself, if I do not feel I am worthy of that care? And yet… I am very much aware that each person on this Earth is unique, and therefore each person, including me, is important in the Universe. Knowing the enormity of this, why do I have so many moments of not feeling worthy?

Is it possible that the answer to this question is that, knowing my uniqueness, and therefore how important I am, comes with huge responsibility, and that I am resisting this responsibility? Hence often my resistance to feeling worthy is because I am not willing to be responsible for myself, or for my part in the Universe.

What does this even mean to me? To me this has meant not wanting to be responsible because I know at times I am not reflecting the level of self-love and self-care that I am capable of, or the divinity that I am – and so it goes, round and round, in a constant cycle. I wondered why this is so? And… how do I break the cycle?

Then it hit me: I can break the cycle by choosing to confirm myself – just for being me. I realised I was still trying to prove myself by what I do and seeking recognition for what I did, rather than simply accepting that I am already all I need to be.

I have always pushed myself to achieve more and more, doing course after course, not feeling I was ever good enough, being very hard on myself, often completely ignoring my body, and always reaching for that (unattainable) goal of ‘perfection’ in everything I did… instead of accepting that inside I am already perfect and so I don’t have to strive to be perfect in everything I do.

During my ponderings I sat down and made a list of all the areas where I now care for and nurture myself. Some of the items on my list were:

  • I have eliminated alcohol, dairy, gluten, caffeine and sugar from my diet and feel less tired, exhausted, bloated, congested and sinusy as a result.
  • I seldom react to things like I used to, and if I do, I am aware of it, feel what is happening and let it go by coming back to myself.
  • I exercise in moderation now, and in connection with my body and breath.
  • I do not go for ‘distractions’ as much, especially with TV, books, sport and travel.
  • I wind down before going to bed by avoiding watching TV, working on the computer late at night or having intense discussions, and I go to bed much earlier and get up much earlier than I used to.
  • I spend more time in the shower and take the time afterwards to tenderly put moisturiser on my body.
  • I am seldom angry now with myself, others or situations I cannot control.

My list was confirming of the ways I am now living – and in making the list I began to realise the number of things I do actually do for myself, which felt awesome. I do love and care for myself – I was just not claiming this. Yes, there is room to take my self-care deeper, but is this not always so, for us all?

Whilst I am very aware of just what a difference my life is now compared to what it was when I first started studying with Universal Medicine, I am now committed to living my life with more self-love, self-nurturing and self-care in the understanding that this is continually developing.

The truth is, I am taking more responsibility for being, and reflecting, self-care and self-love. The lack of self-love has come simply from not appreciating this – how enlightening I have found this appreciation to be!

So perhaps the simple key to self-love, self-care, and self-nurturing is to be more appreciative and confirming of ourselves, and to celebrate the fact that we are, as divine beings, already all we need to be. Through appreciation, confirmation and celebration, we can go from resisting self-care to truly nurturing ourselves. Indeed, it is our responsibility to do so.

By Anne Scott, Mediator, Qualified Yoga Teacher, Fitness Instructor and Personal Trainer, and accredited Esoteric Healing Practitioner, Auckland, New Zealand

Further Reading:
What’s All The Fuss About Self-Care?
Compliments and Me
No Doubt

916 thoughts on “From Resisting Self-Care to Confirming Myself

  1. You raise many excellent points Anne and yes I agree it is highly irresponsible not to love or care for ourselves. At essence we are all already divine and everything we claim to be looking for. In truth it is all the stuff that we do to try and be who we already are that prevents us from the lived connection to who we truly are. If we simply surrendered to the love we already are the game would be over and we wouldn’t have that endless identification which we so bask in of trying to get it.

    1. Nicola you state a great case for surrender, its so simple. I appreciated your line “… the endless identification which we so bask in of trying to get it” – how true.

  2. Self care is simply a step towards the love we already are. Self care in itself is not it, it is an important and necessary step we have to take because we have walked so very far away – it is a step on our return to the love we already are.

      1. crazy really that we have to accept our own great love as if it was something we wouldn’t want to accept??!???

      2. ‘‘The love that we already are’ that’s the key,” This is so true Vanessa. And yes, accepting the love we are – what is going on that we can spend most of our life times accepting who we are, and even for some, never accepting at all. We are raised to feel we are always ‘less than.’ Always being found wanting, and wanting to be something we are not, while all along there we are – we have this love inside us. Accepting this is key and can often be a struggle. We struggle to feel the beauty and love we are, when we have it all inside.

  3. How painful it is to read about the pushing, striving and drive, mainly because I did this too and looking back I see how much I suffered because of it. Even though at the time I thought what I was doing was amazing, it had no quality whatsoever. Life is so much more enjoyable and supportive with allowing and acceptance contained within it instead of push and drive.

  4. Lovely to feel the true appreciation of yourself and your experience with self-care. I also had much resistance at first connecting to self-care and was used to seeking recognition outside of myself for what I did however I have now come to realise how important it is to appreciate ourselves, even in the smallest of details, for we truly confirm ourselves and all that we already are.

  5. Anne this is a great blog on taking stock. It highlights how we can so easily get caught up in the “Im not enough, or not doing enough” and we forget to appreciate how far we have come toward self-love and the work this takes, through introducing self-care into the way we live.

  6. Beautiful blog that reminds me of the importance of appreciation to take care of myself. Thank you Anne.

  7. Appreciation is a seemingly simple or banal word that is however extremely potent… I had an experience recently of recovering from an operation, strongly sedated, my thoughts were a whirlpool, and amazingly what brought me back to myself was a simple process of appreciation, and in this case appreciation of myself and what I bring to the world.

  8. I feel like writing my own confirming list and seeing how much it reveals as when I live from my head I can find so little to appreciate when I get into a spiral of negativity.

  9. ‘I spend more time in the shower and take the time afterwards to tenderly put moisturiser on my body.’ recently I noticed how although I go through the motion of putting moisturiser on I rarely do it lovingly or with great care. I have been working on this recently and noticing how strong the pull is to be rough with myself still. The more awarenss I bring to the way I am applying my moisturiser the quicker I am noticing when I have started to be less gentle with myself.

  10. “I understand now that my resistance to self-care is in fact a resistance to loving myself” – this really stood out for me. It sounds crazy – resisting to loving myself – but this, I feel I can resonate, and what comes up to me when I connect with this statement is that in order for me to resist loving myself I have to shut myself from feeling myself because as soon as I allow myself to feel me, the whole me – as it has happened many times during esoteric healing sessions – there is such magnificence how can I possibly resist that? It feels like there is something in the way our life is set up that interferes with this awareness of feeling therefore knowing our true selves and a conscious decision to choose otherwise is what is first needed.

  11. ‘The truth is, I am taking more responsibility for being, and reflecting, self-care and self-love. The lack of self-love has come simply from not appreciating this – how enlightening I have found this appreciation to be!’ I will make my own list to confirm and appreciate the steps I take every single day with myself.

  12. When we care for ourselves with genuine appreciation it not only confirms all that we already are but lays a foundation that supports us to equally grow our potential.

  13. It feels good to be aware that it is a forever deepening process, that there is always more to go, but that is only there when we appreciate the steps we have made. And to confirm and claim where we have come with supporting ourselves by the self caring and loving choices from day to day. Definitely not something I had learned in my upraising but a joy to develop.

  14. Confirming and appreciating ourselves is so underrated and helps to build a strong foundation for ourselves to counter that other character who continually offers us self criticism to ensure we remain way less than our true selves.

  15. One of the things I realised reading that self care can at times be for me a tick box exercise, I’m not sure I’m always making decisions based on what actually works for me or how I feel in the moment. Great to feel there can be a rigidity there and a “getting it right” way of thinking behind my choices, instead of simply enjoying my own self care because of self love.

  16. Anne it was truly supportive reading today your words of how self care is part of our responsibility to to be who we are in full, and in this we therefore take care of our unique and precious place in the Universe. I can sometimes be in a myopic survival mode dealing with just what’s in front of me, this instead brings a grandness to life explaining who we truly are and confirming our value. We can live small or live Grand.

  17. This is such a great blog highlighting to me just how I go around in circles getting caught up in the I’m not good enoughs and beating myself up and this brings me undone, forgetting to appreciate just how far I have come. Appreciating, confirming and celebrating supports our evolution.

    1. Yes, it does Margaret, and it is so simply how this works, appreciation and confirming ourselves is like magic. We can choose to appreciate ourselves at anytime and anywhere, it is limitless and so powerful. We have everything within us to support us to evolve. It is only a choice away and we have the power to make this choice. Appreciation dismantles everything that blocks our ability to evolve, I am really appreciating how powerful this is after reading this blog, your comment and other comments.

  18. I loved reading your blog Anne, appreciating and accepting ourselves is the key to claiming and confirming all that we already are. Self-love and self-nurturing is then a natural part of our true expression.

  19. What a timely blog I just loved what you shared “So perhaps the simple key to self-love, self-care, and self-nurturing is to be more appreciative and confirming of ourselves, and to celebrate the fact that we are, as divine beings, already all we need to be. Through appreciation, confirmation and celebration, we can go from resisting self-care to truly nurturing ourselves. Indeed, it is our responsibility to do so.” Recently I have been caught in the self worth, but when I stopped to feel, it was me just trying to reach perfection and as I reflected I could feel it just stopped appreciating and confirming which got me into a little self worth moment. How important it is to stop and appreciate.

  20. It took me quite a while to let go of the pattern of pushing and driving myself and making more loving choices but as I slowly kept committing to staying present and expanding my awareness to the whole of my body the more I was able to accept and then appreciate myself which started to build an inner confidence and steadiness to the way I care for and take responsibility for myself and how I connect and interact with others.

  21. It is good to reflect upon the connection between self-care and self-responsibility and how they are so linked and powerfully reflect upon the quality of our everyday life.

  22. Very supportive and inspiring blog to read Anne. Self-love, self-care and self-nurturing is easily put aside if we do not appreciate ourselves and confirm who we are. Appreciation is magic, it supports us on all levels to return to the love that we naturally are. It really highlights how far we have strayed away from connecting to who we are if we are choosing abuse over self-love. Appreciation is the foundation that supports us to return to our natural way of living and in harmony with who we are.

  23. I love how you simply turned towards and allowed yourself to see what has been there all along and the steps you have already taken. There is indeed so much to appreciate it is just that we do not learn to appreciate but learn to always strive for more.

  24. A great reminder Anne on the power in appreciating and claiming ourselves, not only in relation to how we self-care and self-nurture but in building and valuing our self-worth and accepting ourselves for who we truly are.

  25. “So perhaps the simple key to self-love, self-care, and self-nurturing is to be more appreciative and confirming of ourselves, and to celebrate the fact that we are, as divine beings, already all we need to be. Through appreciation, confirmation and celebration, we can go from resisting self-care to truly nurturing ourselves. Indeed, it is our responsibility to do so.”

    This paragraph is really hits home for me, if I really let myself feel what you are sharing it almost feels too simply but it is the complication that we create that is unnecessary.

  26. If we’re comparing and judging ourselves between where we are now, and all the depth that is still to unfold, then this is not self-caring – we’re actually poisoning ourselves with our own thoughts. Appreciation and confirmation of all that we are and all that we bring absolutely right now is crucial to our own development. Without this, there is no foundation.

  27. Hello Anne and this important for me to hear today, “So perhaps the simple key to self-love, self-care, and self-nurturing is to be more appreciative and confirming of ourselves, and to celebrate the fact that we are, as divine beings, already all we need to be.” I know this and I may get away with saying we all know this and yet the world doesn’t reflect this, yet it shows us the opposite and we get taken into the doing doing doing. There will always be something or a thousands things for us to do but when it comes down to it the only difference to this is the quality of what we do or how we are. As you are saying here Anne appreciation and confirmation of who we already are in place of striving to be something. It’s fair to say there are many levels to this but the foundation is always found in confirming and appreciating. Thank you Anne.

    1. Sure Ray, to appreciate and then confirm of what we already are is so much more powerful compared with going into the doing in striving to becoming better as this is all fed from a basis of not being enough which is to me key in all the hectic we see around us in our nowadays world.

      1. Hello Nico and we have tried and are still trying the ‘striving and better’ and it’s never got us anywhere, only led us around the bend. What do you lose by simply appreciating everything? Maybe try it for a day, or if that’s too much try it for an hour and see what happens. I have done this off and on and already my life is massively different, what would happen if this was my everyday?

  28. I agree – confirming myself really is the key, knowing I am already enough. When I get into doing, it becomes hard to stop and appreciate myself for just being me. I notice I then want something outside me to confirm that I am on the right track, doing the right thing – this actually takes me further away from appreciating myself for just being me.

  29. It is interesting to consider that as a child we do not have any issue with lack of self worth and being content within as we just are. And in that being content with ourselves we naturally take care for ourselves and ask the assistance from our parents or caretakers if needed. So a great question is what is happening in our upgrowing as many people have lost this capability in their adulthood?

  30. I think you nail it here Anne, we spend so much energy on what we are not doing for ourselves and yet we seldom just confirm all the choices and changes we have made. This blog is a great wake up call to bring more appreciation.

  31. The appreciation for yourself from this great sharing shows it is the key to true self care and the motivation and knowing of our unique divineness and the treasuring of this and the love we innately are. The responsibility of how we live and care for ourselves and our reflection is super important as you show so beautifully simply and truthfully thank you .

  32. When we are hard on ourselves and tear ourselves down for our imperfections and mistakes we miss the opportunity and realisation that our so called flaws can actually be our greatest teachers. And when we are honest and work with them, they can lead to much growth and development for us .

  33. Our level of self care is ever deepening and based on us constantly appreciating ourselves and constantly building on that foundation.

  34. When we reflect and see our ill-behaviours and the reason as to why we choose those behaviours we then have the awareness to make different choices next time round. It is not about abusing my body to look good and be seen for what I do in front of others but to listen to my body and if I feel to take a rest or go for a walk then to do so in honour of me.

  35. Sometimes after making changes to our life and the way we are with ourselves we forget to take stock and appreciate not only what we do lovingly for ourselves but how far we have come…. This is absolutely worth celebrating for the transformation can be quite extraordinary and a great way to support claiming the responsibility we have taken and the love we have chosen to live

  36. Anne, thank you for sharing your experience and highlighting the importance of self-appreciation which builds our natural inner-confidence to be able to claim ourselves as we are.

  37. “if I do not feel I am worthy of that care? ” mmmm…. this is something I feel I and many women world wide need to look at. We as women tend to put everyone else before ourselves, or do not feel we are worthy of true value or care. What if by truly caring for ourselves, without saying a word, that changes everything and how people are with and around us. And also how people care for themselves. I have found this to be true with other aspects of my life I have changed. For years I would voice things or tell people how to be, but by simply building and committing to a more loving relationship with myself, my relationships with other people are changing and I don’t need to say a thing. Far less exhausting and controlling way to live.

  38. Wauw Anne, that is really really beautiful. How and what you share touches me deeply in my heart. It helps us straight back to feel that our worth is in us – all of the time. And that through self-care (having self-love) we can feel the appreciation being chosen and lived by us, which then helps us to bring even more out of that worth in our every day walk, talk, being and breathing. Beautiful!!

  39. Your blog Anne directly supports me to make that choice to feel and confirm me in this moment which gives a warm feeling in my heart.

  40. We are often so fixed on one point in life that we forget to see the whole picture, all that we are. It is very much worth to pause and take in the whole view of what we are living and bringing every single day.

  41. What a great confirmation to be here reading and appreciating this blog – it literally jolted me and reminded me that I (as we all do) carry a part of the Universe in me, and how do I care for that part of it? Much has changed and through confirmation of all those changes I can feel that more will change, so thank you Anne for the reminder that we appreciate and confirm our self care and allow it to grow and expand from there knowing that as we do, we express who we naturally are here, that we are Love, of God and here to live and be that always.

  42. We have all that we need to support our evolution no matter who we are where we live or what our situation is. Appreciating and confirming ourselves is a simply a choice and such a powerful choice.

  43. I agree Anne, it is our responsibility to take care of ourselves, when we do not we are harming ourselves and others far more than we realise. Appreciation is key in building a strong and solid foundation to knowing and confirming our true selves.

  44. The topic of reflection and how responsible we are in what we reflect is HUGE. Ultimately, it means that our choices are never just OUR choices, but contribute to how we live, what we are reflecting and thus what other people are getting from us. In the world of energy, which we are very much in, nothing is hidden as we are feeling it all.

  45. Thank you Anne for this reminder of the power of appreciation. We can make more and more self-loving choices but if I don’t stop and feel what those choices bring to my life often they can slip from my consistency. Appreciation I am learning is a stop and feel moment.

  46. Yes the key is appreciation as you discovered when you clocked all the things that you were already doing to take care of yourself but it was not until you started to appreciate those things that your loving self-care was confirmed.

  47. When we are stuck in the constant cycle of trying to prove our worth rather than just accepting that we are already everything that we need to be it is a treadmill of expectation that we never escape from. It is only when we let go of looking for recognition on the outside that we can start to live from the inside out and then honour ourselves by becoming more self-nurturing as we let go of all the expectations that we have loaded ourselves down with.

  48. Self-care and self-love comes naturally when we hold and value ourselves as totally precious. We are completely divine and precious no matter what we have lived or the experiences we have had. Nothing changes the fact that we are precious. When we hold ourselves in that quality, lack of self-worth doesn’t stand a chance.

  49. Accepting and appreciating ourselves by choosing to surrender to a deeper level of love and true care is the key to honouring ourselves and confirming our self-worth.

  50. Funny that… how we can essentially ‘invent’ issues for ourselves – and ignore what is there, staring us right in the face, i.e. that what we lack is a fundamental relationship with appreciating ourselves, confirming the steps we have taken and the true beauty of our own being who may well be actually very dedicated to reclaiming love as the foundation stone for every aspect in one’s life.

  51. ” …. how can I care for myself and my body, let alone nurture myself, if I do not feel I am worthy of that care?” I’m sure this is true of so many people in the world today. yet you found a way through this mire, by confirming and appreciating who you are and how far you have come. We waste so much time on who we think we are – that can bring us down – rather than who we truly are – amazing human beings who live and love and sometimes mess up. Yet we spend more time and energy on the mess-ups than on what truly is. Appreciation is key.

  52. I love that you have made self-care about appreciating and confirming ourselves Anne. These are great point to make as if we do not value/appreciate our self we will simply cannot grow and evolve.

  53. I like the distinction you make between confirming yourself and proving yourself. They are miles apart. One is about who you are and valuing your unique talents whilst the other is about what you do. I certainly have and still do fall for the trap of wanting to prove myself by doing more, but that pattern is simply exhausting, never ending and always leaves you never feeling enough. I know which one I prefer.

  54. As I was reading your list of self care actions, I considered writing one of my own, and almost instantly i received a thought that suggested my list would be no good and I quickly dismissed the idea. That had me realise my lack of self appreciation, for I know that there are many things I do for myself that are self caring, but through my lack of appreciation I focus on all the things I could be doing rather than building from my foundation of what’s already there.

  55. Ignoring the body leads to behaviours that cause dis-ease in the body – I don’t think anyone who actually pays attention to the communication from their body would continue to drink alcohol after having a hangover. Of course, the communication and its severity differ from body to body.

    1. Yes Rachel and you could say it is the disconnection from our bodies, our inner hearts, our essence, that is our primary dis-ease for when we are disconnected and living less than who we are we feel a tension or an uneasiness that we seek other behaviours (e.g. drinking alcohol) to offset and distract ourselves from.

  56. Its so common, this desire to achieve more and more, to do more, fuelled by the feeling that we are not enough already. But what if we are – more than enough just waiting inside ourselves ready to be expressed forth at any moment. Connect to that and suddenly we are on the cusp of realising the potential that is just waiting inside us all to be everything we already are.

  57. Lovely blog Anne which reminds me today that self-care is not a skill we have to learn or go and practice, it is innate in us all and we just have to surrender and allow it to take place, meaning accept who we are and just be ourselves in the world. It is a ‘letting go’ not a ‘go out and get it’ kinda thing.

  58. Gosh we can be so hard on ourselves can’t we? It is easy to focus on what we are not doing rather than appreciate all the ways we are already celebrating and confirming ourselves and making a real difference in the world simply by this process.

  59. I have written this a few times before but appreciation is really a key. If we are stuck trying to better by admonishing ourselves and around and around it goes until a point where the awareness is that the only way to step from self critique to the next part of appreciating is to actually do the work. In other words things just don’t change themselves, we need to bring the change and then allow the world to catch up. If you find yourself consistently down on yourself then try and give yourself a point to appreciate and bring this in everywhere. Fairly soon you will see what appreciation can do, not for you but for all of us.

  60. The more I choose to cherish and nurture myself the more I feel a solidness and strength within my body that supports me to be open and responsive to the situations around me. There is a natural impulse to take responsibility for ourselves once we accept that self-care is an import aspect of building our own foundation.

  61. What a great realisation to come to, ‘I realised I was still trying to prove myself by what I do and seeking recognition for what I did, rather than simply accepting that I am already all I need to be.’

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