It is early in the morning, a candle is burning next to me and I am surrounded by the magical stillness of the woods amidst which our house is located. I can feel the world around me waking up, a noise every now and then, some traffic on our little country lane, the first glimpse of dawn…
My body is warm, gradually preparing for the tasks of the day and feeling so yummy today. Still, something in me tries to suggest that I am wrong as I have not done what I had thought needed to be done this morning.
Yet I feel perfectly at ease and I know that everything is right just as it is. What just dawned on me is that I am rhythmically living each moment – living, instead of trying to master life.
Before, there were endless lists – written down or just imagined – packed with things to do and time limits by when they should be completed. This meant constant stress and tension; the feeling of failure was a well-known companion.
I would never meet my expectations.
I would override what I felt would be good to do in favour of what was next on my lists.
Over the last month I have developed a different approach. Now there still is a constant rhythm in my life, like going to bed early and getting up early and some of the basic structures of my day, but this rhythm is only followed because I can feel how much it supports me.
I could not let go of my beloved lists instantly and so turned them from ‘to do lists’ into ‘might be done’ lists – this took enormous pressure out of my life. These new lists now help me remember things that do need to be done, but I am not at their mercy anymore.
Now I will feel what needs to be done next and will go for it, even if my mind might try to tell me that this cannot be right.
My experience is that what I feel from deep inside of me is the biggest support that I have, as by following this inner knowing I am flowing with my days instead of trying to catch up with them: just being and being present with what I do, no thinking ahead or having another project on my mind.
This has been one of the most profound changes in my life. I have developed so much more trust in and love for myself by realising that in fact I already know all that I need to know and that it is about just letting this knowing come out again.
Feeling no need or pressure – at least most of the time – is such a blessing. Sitting with myself in the glorious stillness of this morning, looking forward to the day, knowing that all will be cared for and all that I have to do is be me to the best of my ability… no perfection needed.
Thank you Serge Benhayon for inspiring me to find and walk this way back to my stillness again.
By Michael Kremer, Personal Assistant, Buchholz, Germany