We talked in groups about our experiences of jealousy as children and how much it affected us in holding back our innate and natural way of being and expression: how much it hurt to feel family members, schoolmates, parents, teachers and others’ jealousy of our natural, loving and powerful way. To feel jealousy is very ugly. To be confronted with jealousy in your own family, by your parents and siblings, is heartbreaking, as these are the people you love and want to be loved by.
As a small child I was very joyful, tender and confident and very much connected with my surroundings. I had a very close relationship with my father, but the relationship between my mother, my sister and I was tainted by jealousy.
This had a huge effect on the way I learned to be and express, holding back more and more of who I truly was. When I was a teenager I lived in disregard, had no confidence in myself or my abilities, and was very nervous and anxious. I have lived a life full of complication in relationships, at work, being unemployed and so on.
Being unemployed often, I did not participate in life fully and was very protected and hard. By living that way, I did not have to deal with jealousy, as there was little to be jealous about. I can see now how I constructed my life in a way to avoid expressing and showing myself in full, therefore preventing other people from confronting me with their jealousy!!!
Through the contact with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I have changed in an incredible way. I am much more committed to life and work. I’m more self-confident, expressive, self loving and appreciative of myself.
Through the Universal Medicine retreats I was able to allow myself to feel the effect that jealousy had on me. When I returned from Australia I had a situation where I entered a room of people – dressed beautifully (make up and shining!) – and there was a woman who looked at me once and then turned away. I could name that this was jealousy. Although it had an effect on me, it was great that I allowed myself to clock it so that I could nominate jealousy in the future.
Sometimes I dress down on purpose. I don’t wear a beautiful dress when I feel to and only wear a little make-up instead of what I feel. I do this as I believe that I will be ‘too much’ with my joyful, shining eyes and gorgeous dress and people won’t be able to handle it. This has been interesting for me to observe. I can feel that when I wear clothes that I don’t feel to, it has an effect on the way I bring myself out in the world. I am holding back from saying, “YES, here is the amazing, powerful woman that I am.”
I am learning to not take other people’s reactions personally, but to understand that it comes from their own hurt of denying their own joy and tenderness when they feel that in me. Learning not to take people’s jealousy personally means giving myself the permission to be me, as I don’t need to react and to start attacking myself, thinking there is something wrong with me.
My strategy was to keep myself small, but I was never small. I can feel the fact. I played a game to avoid jealousy. If we play small, everybody misses out on the amazing reflection we can all bring to the world. In becoming aware of the evil effect jealousy has on us, we can set ourselves free and start living who we truly are. If we set ourselves free, we can offer the reflection of our divine essence and grandness to others.
Imagine another way to live, which is full of love and joy, and it starts with you being who you truly are.
by Anonymous, Germany