Behind Closed Doors

Have you ever walked the streets in your neighbourhood and wondered what is going on behind those closed doors; with the people living isolated and separated lives behind them? And have you ever considered how much we have separated ourselves from one another and the many horrific things that happen behind these closed doors on a daily basis that no one would know about?

On average, every week, a woman in Australia is killed at the hands of her partner or someone she knows well. Every day there are countless stories of horrific abuse of women and children, and the most despicable crimes you could possibly imagine are perpetrated. We would be ignorant to think that these acts happen at random or just come out of nowhere.

We live our life, we go to work, we get the kids to school, we run our errands, etc., but this is only a portion of what we allow the world to see. It is only our family and perhaps our close friends that really get to see what goes on behind closed doors … and within that space there are more closed doors that very few, if any, would ever be allowed to see.

It’s the way society has been built and it’s what we are used to and accept as our normal. Have you ever been told “What happens in the home, stays in the home?”

Somewhere there is an unwritten rule that tells us to keep quiet about the abuse, the yelling, the screaming, or whatever else goes on. The rule says, no one must know about what goes on in here … and life carries on as if it hasn’t ever happened.

The shadow of shame lingers over so many lives as secrets are buried in hidden troves. How many women are at the mercy of their abusive partner for years before anyone ever knows? How many children are abused day after day as a matter of course before they are found dead? What is really going on in people’s homes that we are not aware of until it is way too late?

And domestic violence is not the only hidden crime against humanity we are likely to find behind those closed doors. We have a multi-billion dollar industry built around pornography that is on tap. We have serious issues with alcohol, yet it still remains a socially acceptable substance even though it continues to fuel so much of the violence and suffering we find in our communities.

The abuse of drugs and mind-altering substances is out of control, completely destroying the lives of the users and their families. And for the most part, this all happens behind closed doors. We tend to hear about the end result, and the devastation that has been caused after the fact. But what we don’t hear about is the life that has been lived, the day-to-day experiences that led to this devastating situation.

And we don’t get to see the suffering or the pain one might be in, the depression and the turmoil that gets taken home to the family after.

In the confines of our own four walls behind closed doors we tend to drop our guard, release our tension, only to take it out on those closest rather that take responsibility for our selves. Whether it be a mother yelling at her children, a husband hitting his wife or sexual abuse – whatever the extent, it all happens within the confines of the home, for no one to see and for no one to hear.

And isn’t it true that even though we don’t see what goes on in our neighbours’ homes, we tend to be able to feel when things are not quite right?

It has to be the ultimate form of irresponsibility, to live one way behind closed doors and then put on a facade to meet the world.

Take porn, for example, we are not free from its hold just because the magazine is closed or the computer is switched off. The energy of porn goes with us to work, when we are with our children and when they walk down the street. Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there. Kids can certainly feel it.

Cyber trolls sit behind their keyboards punching away profanities and all manner of abuse, all behind the cloak of anonymity, tucked away behind their doors to hide their abhorrent behaviour. Yet they venture out to lead what seems to be a ‘normal’ life, that unless exposed, no one would even know about. These may be on the extreme end of the spectrum of behaviours but to some degree, most people have something that doesn’t see the light of day that is kept very close, to themselves and a select few.

What if we were to live without these walls and doors? What would life be like if we allowed ourselves to be transparent, open and honest about our lives? Of course there is always going to be an element of privacy that we are more than entitled to, but the quality of our doors and walls could be somewhat permeable.

I know a family, the Benhayon family, that lives like this. They are enormously generous and very open and warm and when you are with them you can’t help but feel how much they let you in to their world.

They have their privacy but in no way do they shut the world out. They don’t have one persona going on at work and then another at home and another with friends. And they live like this because there is nothing to hide and there are no secrets to bury and they have so much to share. What you see is what you get. This to me is the epitome of integrity.

It is everything we want for the world yet we haven’t been able to crack through our ingrained ways that keep us all very separate and boxed in, literally.

When we are boxed in, things can fester. Moments turn into days, days into a week and weeks into years. Before we know it we are living in situations that are far from supportive and far from loving and far from real. It is the festering that makes things go stale.

No matter how good we make things look on the outside, sooner or later a loveless relationship will be exposed or a loveless body will get sick or a devastating ‘stop’ will be waiting around the corner . . . because living boxed in is not actually natural even though we have made it our normal. When we have another life going on behind closed doors, we are contributing to the festering that is resulting in some very tragic circumstances.

Meanwhile, the Benhayon family is lighting the way forward as living examples of true family and true community. This is what love in action looks like.

By no means are they perfect and they don’t ever strive to be. They are simply real and the love that pours from their home, through their walls and out of their front door, is for all to see and feel.

Anyone who is open has access to this, it is not confined to a few and it is certainly not boxed in because there is no difference between what goes on inside and what can be seen from the outside.

Respecting and honouring one another is easy with this much love … and hiding and burying is near impossible.

And while the world carries on behind their closed doors, there are a growing number of homes that have switched their lights on: you can see through their windows that the light burns bright, having been deeply inspired by the Benhayons to make life about the most real and tangible love that in turn opens them up to the world. No more hiding behind closed doors and no more burying the love that they, and all of us, already are.

 By Sara Harris, Health Practitioner, Melbourne, Australia

Further Reading:
A Modern Day Miracle
A Letter To Our Community About Abuse
Where is the Love? Where Has it Gone?
Saying No to Intellectual And Emotional Abuse Is True Self Care – A Personal Story

1,092 thoughts on “Behind Closed Doors

  1. It is impossible to contain love in a box and to keep it for oneself. As we return to love and it is lived, we are like trees, standing strong and tall with an prolific abundance of blossom that can be seen and enjoyed by all.

  2. I know at work I was in my power and made myself available for whatever was needed, then I would come home and shut the door and my quality and commitment would drop, it’s like suddenly I had time out and could check out. I realised this inconsistency with the way I was living was not supporting me and I made steps to begin to bring and live the same quality no matter where I was. A work in progress but definitely has been interesting to feel the flow-on effect this has around me when I choose to not have an ‘off’ switch.

  3. We can focus on the big picture wars between countries and get caught thinking that is the only wars we have. But the fighting and disharmony in our homes is exactly the same, just on a smaller scale. Then again, when you consider how many collective homes in today’s world are struggling with this disharmony maybe it is not that smaller scale as we think.

  4. Transparency means to not live in the illusion that what we do behind closed walls stays there – it is one life and what we do and think follows us everywhere, surrounds us wherever we go. And porn can be smelt and sensed a mile away as can abuse, disrespect and lovelessness – as can love.

  5. “It has to be the ultimate form of irresponsibility, to live one way behind closed doors and then put on a facade to meet the world.” I agree whole-heartedly. To live without borders and in a transparent way can bring up a huge about of anxiety that we will not be equipped to manage what is in front of us, yet continuing the illusion pretty much guarantees we are not because we have our head firmly in the ground so we are not learning any new skills!

  6. As soldiers of light, we must be unafraid of how others react when we speak up. Lack of awareness and love leads people to abuse each other, particularly in families. When we witness abuse, we must not to hold back, be fearful of being ostracized, want to be liked . Our responsibility is to speak up, be direct, and offer wisdom. Most of all, be consistent and loving. In this way we offer others an opportunity to evolve.

  7. Abuse is endemic and affects every sector of society, families religions, charities, government, education, health. And within all of these institutions are people who have lost their way and kept firmly from ever finding their way to the truth of what is going on. Our responsibility is to expose abuse where-ever it exists by speaking up against it, going against the grain, and not giving up until something different happens. We shine a light where darkness reigns. To not do so is to condone abuse.

  8. Energy is not confined behind closed doors, it is there for all to feel and be aware of. The more loving the way we live the more love there will be for us all to feel and share.

  9. That unwritten rule that keeps our lips sealed as to the abuse at home relates to the picture we are desperately trying to maintain to the outside world. Its as if there is nothing worse than someone seeing what is really going on, and yet deep down what we really crave and need for our own sanity, personal growth and evolution is to be met in full by another. How is that ever going to happen if we hide what is really going on.

  10. We want time out, our way when we choose it, and where ‘rather than take responsibility for our selves’ and that’s the crux of it – we’re not willing to appreciate that we’re always on and that in fact people can always feel even when they don’t in fact see. Truly there are no walls in what we can feel.

  11. Ownership is something that happens a lot behind closed doors. When a person feels as though they can own or control another, because perhaps that is the way the relationship has developed, or that is the way both people entered in to it. But in my experience, ownership in relationships tends to lead to a toxic dynamic that does not allow all people to grow and change. It may feel secure, to be owned and to own, but in the long term view, it may not actually be that healthy because ultimately it is an act of isolation.

  12. Love does not want to be kept secret or confined between the walls of a house. When you choose to live love naturally you will show to the world that there is another model to live to and is worth to give a try. Like the Benhayon family have modeled this way of living together being an inspiration for me to try it myself. and I can say, although it is not the magic pill that gives it all at once, it works and needs a commitment to make it work.

    1. The magic pill theory comes from the unwillingness to be responsible for what we are putting out into the world. The ripple effects of the seen, heard and felt decisions we make which have as deep consequences as the unseen, unheard, and – well I can’t say unfelt because everything is felt, so I will say unacknowledged.

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