I have spent most of my life giving myself a hard time. If something went wrong or if someone got upset, I would be the first person to put my hand up thinking it was my fault – even if it wasn’t. I have been very quick at putting myself in the doghouse, so to speak. This has been a pattern that I always remember having; it has been my normal.
Because of this belief I often attracted situations and relationships where I was also given a hard time, which simply to me confirmed my belief that indeed something was wrong with me. Giving myself a hard time was part of my foundation – so much so that until recently I didn’t even realise the extent to which I internally battered and beat myself.
Since coming to the work of Universal Medicine and being a Student of The Way of The Livingness, I have already made quite an inroad into developing a way of living that is self-honouring and self-loving. This has brought much clarity and joy on a day-to-day basis, however I can now see that this default program of giving myself a hard time has been capping my expansion and evolution.
Having had a Universal Medicine practitioner lovingly point out that this was a pattern of mine, I decided to explore the possibility of choosing another way. First of all, I recognised that I had been saying ‘yes’ to this pattern and I began to explore why I was choosing it. I became aware of the cycle that played out in my self-abuse.
Whenever anyone would question me on something that I had done or said, I would be quick to doubt myself, then I would disconnect from my body to go into more doubt, become very confused, give up on myself and then internally bash myself over the head for not getting it right: the whole time, not assessing or feeling if what had been said was indeed true for me or not.
By acknowledging that this was a recurring pattern, I started to make inroads by seeing just how debilitating this pattern was and how much it was holding me back.
The Game Changer – Self-Appreciation
This was when I began a self-appreciation program where on a daily basis via text message I began to share with a friend at least two things that I appreciate about myself on that day. Because I already had a strong foundation of love in my body from the self-loving choices I had been making over the last four or five years, this opened up a fountain of appreciation for myself that I never knew was there, dwelling inside of me waiting to burst out.
I began to see very clearly just how awesome I am and just how much there is to appreciate about myself. I began to see daily that the amazingness of who I truly am far outweighs all the little things that I had been giving myself a hard time over.
As I have begun to deeply appreciate all that ‘I am’, the ‘what I am not’ has started to fade into the background. It is something that I need to lovingly work on, but I no longer identify with it as who I am.
No more doghouse for me! I found that my innate way of being really is to express from this appreciation.
Along with the appreciation of myself also has come hand in hand a deeper appreciation of others. As I focus on seeing the beauty in me, I cannot help but see the beauty in those around me. My foundation is shifting quickly and I now see how giving myself a hard time no longer serves me. It was a pattern that I chose as a way of keeping myself small, of not showing the world the glory of who I really am.
This article was inspired by Serge Benhayon and fellow Universal Medicine students and practitioners who have reflected that appreciation is a pathway to a deeper level of love.
By Donna Gianniotis, Age 41, BA Communication, Dip Health (Yoga)
Further Reading:
No Doubt
Love
Women in Livingess
Compliments And Me
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
We have so many patterns its unreal at times. We expose one and there’s another and another. But what I love is that when we appreciate ourself’s more often, we find in that appreciation, we let go of those things that hold us back. We find that the only one that can heal from these things is YOU. A practitioner is our facilitator to our healing, and bring revelations for us to explore, the rest is unto us.
So appreciation is a building block to a fitness that does not allow any annihilation unto us, because in that appreciation we observe and feel the glory we are, and come from. It’s a building foundation to our earthly un-settlement.
“Along with the appreciation of myself also has come hand in hand a deeper appreciation of others.” So true, the more we feel and appreciate ourselves, the more we are aware of all there is to appreciate in those around us.
Yes I had forgotten about this, in our appreciation, we appreciate others. And in that appreciation of others, we feel the love we have for humanity, irrespective of the choices they make.
A Win Win Situation: “Along with the appreciation of myself also has come hand in hand a deeper appreciation of others. “
Donna I also love how you have focused on appreciation as being the bridge to taking us to a deeper relationship with ourselves and using this as an anti-dote to the doubts and negative thoughts and self flagellation. This is a very powerful yet simple way to work with getting rid of bad habits we may have held for years. The interesting thing is that appreciation is something most of us are not that good at to begin with…so it stands for us all as something to work on!
Donna, I so love what you have shared here in this blog as it is something so many of us can actually relate to – I too have been and still can fall into blaming myself immediately for anyone not feeling great for example. What a strange thing to make oneself responsible for! To clarify, of course we need common decency and respect with each other but if someone is having a bad day or does not like a truth we have respectfully and caringly shared, then this is not for us to have to carry as a burden. This is a great reminder for me to stay steady and keep appreciating all that I do bring to others.
Giving ourselves a hard time serves no one. Instead of that, taking the responsibility of our own choices and become aware how they may affects us and our body may support us to make real changes in life, this is something worthy to deeply appreciate 🙂
Love this because it makes a huge difference, there is no need for blame or judge, just a looking at the way we choose to live in our daily basis.
Appreciation, especially of self, is a fantastic tool to support us to come out of putting ourselves down in whatever manner we chose. Appreciation and confirmation are great tools to keep with us as we continue to evolve.
Learning to accept and appreciate ourselves, making choices that are more delicate, honouring and loving is the way forward for all of us.
Understanding the True power of appreciation definitely come when we live in a way that we can feel the authority, which also then is a confirming of our connection to our essences and thus we feel the purpose, then we can appreciate at a deeper level, and that appreciation holds us to the next purpose.
For me appreciation of self is surely one of the the ways back to love of self and others. The more appreciation I have about myself, in turn allow for greater appreciation of others.
Absolutely Mary, when we understand the divine essence within this is appreciated and thus we feel that we all have this within and thus appreciation for everyone equally as we are all the same.
One of the best things in life for me was to stop this self bashing. It was and still is so exhausting to give my a hard time that I chose to not do this anymore to the best of my ability of course.
Thank you Linda for your comment, I can relate as I can see this playing out in my own life. By understanding the cycles that present to support us to move back to soul, to love, such situations can be seen as an opportunity, something I am understanding more and more.
If we don’t appreciate ourselves and who we are we aren’t likely to either know ourselves or what we bring to the world, and we won’t truly value ourselves, that in itself is an opening for abuse and self abuse. But it goes the other way also, if we don’t appreciate others we also won’t value them which is again an opening for abuse, such as that described in the blog where we may blame others instead of taking responsibility for ourselves.
The path to the doghouse has less grass than the rest of the garden for me too! But you know it is not so nice to be around someone who permanently assumes guilt because they come across as a permanent victim…wisdom out of the mouths of babes 🙂
I am a master of giving myself a hard time and the doghouse – maybe I need to initiate this program too and rather than focus on stopping that behaviour focus on building more appreciation and confirmation in my life.
To self-doubt breeds more doubt and to appreciate offers more to appreciate.
By appreciating ourselves we naturally start appreciating other people.
I am sure we have all felt like this at one time or another and have made choices that we know are not the best choices to make and then beat ourselves up over them, what I have learnt is that they are opportunities to appreciate ourselves to learn from and to appreciate our honesty in knowing some choices are not our best ones but to appreciate them anyway and keep on appreciating because there is much to be appreciated in appreciation.
Love it, keep on appreciating, ‘ keep on appreciating because there is much to be appreciated in appreciation.’
When we feed a pattern like this we are saying yes to separation as it is constantly creating a barrier between us and the others.
It’s crazy that so many people are more comfortable with self-judgment and self-abuse than they are with appreciating and valuing themselves.
It is sad that that is the case, many people struggle to appreciate themselves, yet find it easy to judge and bash themselves.
Thank you Lucy exposed that we need to live from care all of the time.
Many will relate to this blog, I certainly do. It’s an example of how far we’ve lost our way when, we need to be re-programmed to love and appreciate ourselves.
I love how you use the word “reprogramming” here – it’s not that there is anything wrong innately with us, just that a reprogramming of how we approach life can be necessary.
Sometimes we can find that the quality in which we choose to do things in our life is normal as it is our standard in how we live, but when we look around this is not quite so for everyone. When we realise this fact for ourselves there is space to appreciate our so called ‘new normal’.
Appreciation of our ‘normal’ is so important, no matter what anyone else’s ‘normal’ looks like and comparison is a thief to celebrating the joy of where we are at. Comparison feels like a 10 tonne brick to carry around on our backs – only making enough space to beat ourselves up and there is certainly no room for appreciation! Yet once we can appreciate our ‘normal’, we then have an opportunity to discern if we would like to deepen the relationship of any part of our ‘normal’. Now who wouldn’t want to keep developing and deepening if it meant less baggage to carry around and no more self-bashing?!
Appreciation is a key that opens the door for more appreciation and a deeper love for self and others.
Beautifully said Jill – it is a stepping stone that leads us to return to deeper and deeper depths of love we had forgotten about.
There are many ways to establish a privileged relationship with time (as opposed to space). Giving ourselves a hard time is just one of them.
The way you’ve put it makes it very clear Eduardo. It is making the world turn around for ourselves and nothing else.
That is beautiful said and science is revealed by these two simple sentences.
“As I have begun to deeply appreciate all that ‘I am’, the ‘what I am not’ has started to fade into the background” – this is such a powerful statement.
I was in a mess earlier today while on the phone to another and she asked me to start appreciating myself. It was like pulling teeth at first but eventually I felt it melting the horrible feelings. It does work and reminds me to pick it up again as a regular practice.
We have an expression in our house when someone is beating themselves up that always makes us smile – we call them ‘Whaaaambulance moments’ – ambulance moments for an adult who is struggling to process what is happening and feels the pull to regress to being a baby and makes the Whaaa sound. There have been many but recognising that it is just that the brain is struggling to process what is happening or has happened and coming back to the foundation we know we have built through appreciation, seems to be the most loving way we have been able to support each other.
It doesn’t matter how old we are we can still throw a tantrum. But it’s how we come back to and care for ourselves that shows the level of maturity. I love your light-hearted approach to it.
So true Leigh – when we feel awful it is so difficult to appreciate ourselves or another. But this only shows that we have disconnected, and hence the best antidote is the connection which comes hand in hand with appreciation. Well done – and thank you for reminding me of what I too can do when I fall into a similar situation!
It seems that appreciation of one’s self is food for the body and the soul, and the more we appreciate the more there is to appreciate, always more to deepen.
Appreciation is key to having a loving and deep connection with ourselves, and in this connection we naturally want to share and express our love and appreciation to others.
Donna – I love how you have brought your focus to be with the true inner qualities rather than the outer perceived weaknesses and feckless issues we can get stuck in as being real.
We see behaviours like self doubt and being hard on ourselves as who we are, but they only come in after we separate from our essence and the enjoyment of living that. We may see appreciation as a remedy for them but it’s really just anchoring us back to ourselves so that the energy that doesn’t belong can’t enter.
Appreciation allows us to literally stop and smell the roses of where we are at so that the next step we take is steady and both enhanced and enriched by that foundation.
There is such a great beauty to all of us and for the majority we do not believe this to be true. I personally am so glad I met Serge Benhayon because he supports anyone to come to this understanding that within us all is this beauty. Why we are withholding this from ourselves is another question. But none the less if we are willing to seek the exquisite beauty within we will find it buried underneath all of the ideals and beliefs we have been crushed by.
There is beauty in all of us, are we prepared to let that beauty be seen and felt by ourselves, and another?
Beautiful to read Donna thank you for sharing, I can relate to what you have shared giving myself a hard time for not getting it right, when I came to understand about appreciation for myself it felt so foreign to the self loathing I had lived with most of my life. I have now come to feel how appreciation is the key to a greater depth of love for ourselves and each other.
Whilst we are busy focusing on what we aren’t, or feeling that we aren’t good enough yet, or focusing on so called mistakes, we miss out on expressing the true essence of ourselves and enjoying all that we are through appreciating our qualities. This is a great line Donna “As I have begun to deeply appreciate all that ‘I am’, the ‘what I am not’ has started to fade into the background. It is something that I need to lovingly work on, but I no longer identify with it as who I am.”
“I have been very quick at putting myself in the doghouse, so to speak. This has been a pattern that I always remember having; it has been my normal.” I can so relate to this also. Then a wise lady said to me ‘you need to see yourself through the eyes of God’. This has been a great guide for when I am giving myself a hard time.
‘you need to see yourself through the eyes of God’. A super beautiful advice, precious to behold for everyone.
Thank you Irena. Everything in my body has just re-configured itself whilst reading this sentence –
‘you need to see yourself through the eyes of God’
Very timely to read this today ‘you need to see yourself through the eyes of God’ as giving myself a hard time is lurking in the shadows.
Beautiful advice Irena, something to live from, and not just for ourselves but for how we see everyone.
“I began to see daily that the amazingness of who I truly am far outweighs all the little things that I had been giving myself a hard time over.” Appreciation is far more powerful and beautiful than self-doubt.
Giving ourselves a hard time can seem so normal and yet it is so abusive. To live life never being able to live up to the ideal, and expectations we have of ourselves leaves us in a constant state of feeling like a failure.
Very true, so the key is to identify what is the imposing ideal or belief I am forcing myself into here?
“As I have begun to deeply appreciate all that ‘I am’, the ‘what I am not’ has started to fade into the background”. I love the way appreciation changes our perspective. It is not a mind over matter exercise either. It is simply noticing and feeling the loveliness that is actually there, instead if focus on issues or mental dilemmas.
It is where we choose to put our focus, on appreciation, and so it expands, ‘Along with the appreciation of myself also has come hand in hand a deeper appreciation of others. As I focus on seeing the beauty in me, I cannot help but see the beauty in those around me.’
Normalizing the utterly abnormal is the norm; yet is a norm that is truly abnormal. Seeing things this way is normal and helps to bring back a sense of normality that is true and that resonate deeply with our bodies.
When we are in doubt, we have already moved away from our connection to the love we are in essence, as such we lose sense of the truth that through our connection to our essence, we are amazing through and through with every move. It is appreciating this connection that supports us to stand solidly, knowing this truth and continuing to walk in our true expression without question, regardless of how the world reacts.
I have also found that the more I develop a relationship to myself through self love and appreciation of who I am, the more I relate to others the same way. Our relationship to ourselves is an amazing investment in our relationship to all others.
It really does support our appreciation of others by simply appreciating ourselves.
Appreciation… This is such an enormous subject… Appreciation of others is such a beautiful thing to practice… Appreciation of ourselves is the foundation for our connection with our own true heart.
I just realised that self-doubt is self bashing. Same same. It’s also not about making mistakes for no-one is perfect and we will make them, but even with that, there is no need to doubt who we are. With self-doubt we are not able to feel or see who we are. Door shut…Enter appreciation, this quality and way of being allows us to open like a blossom and see the magnificence that we truly are.
Appreciation around mistakes can support us to make it about the quality we bring to the world, and accept that the temporal life and daily practicalities will never be perfect, there will be mistakes, and that there is something greater we can bring consistently which is simply ourselves. As we come to realise the importance of our soulful quality as a healing presence for the world we can hold it more consistently, which is what we drop when we react to mistakes.
“appreciation is a pathway to a deeper level of love.” These are such beautifully powerful words when expressed this way, what is there not to appreciate when it can deepen our own love and our love for others. Everything is there to appreciate for the opportunity of learning and evolving that it presents.
Appreciation continues to be the tool to bring us out of self-bashing and self-doubt and into a way of confirming rather than negating ourselves, as it offers us the opportunity to reflect on the small-to-large qualities we have clocked about ourselves during the day and from there to begin a process of building a solid foundation of our true value to the world.
We are super skilled at finding what we have done wrong, blowing it out of proportion and bashing ourselves for it, rather than accepting that it was a moment to learn from, take responsibility for and move on.
At school I remember competing with negative self bashing talk, we would constantly put ourselves down in order not to get attention or jealousy from another. This pattern has stuck with me and amplified as I got older and I found more reasons to tell myself I was not good enough or that there was something wrong with me. With appreciation, I have started to turn the volume down and I now have to tune in more carefully to notice whether I am being harsh with myself or not.
This is so true, “Giving myself a hard time was part of my foundation – so much so that until recently I didn’t even realise the extent to which I internally battered and beat myself.” In the same way we can change the “foundation” by changing the way we are with ourselves, sounds to easy right? It is that simple and the only thing that doesn’t make it simple is the same thing that has been giving us “a hard time” for all these years. Developing an ongoing self appreciation just for being is the only way to move out of this internal battle, we only need to make the change.
To appreciate the little things in life is perhaps more important than the big things.The big ones are easy to acknowledge while the little ones can get taken for granted and they build a solid foundation of self-worth that supports us in challenging times.
A beautiful sharing Donna! I love your phoning a friend and sharing at least one word of appreciation for yourself each day !
Appreciation allows us to feel who we truly are and this supports our foundation we express from.
Imagine what life would be like if we’d been taught about the role of appreciation in blitzing low self-esteem and self-worth issues at school? If we’d got into an early habit of appreciating our innate qualities rather than seeking recognition for our achievements? Appreciation is a much diluted word in its meaning from the truth of what it offers in practice. It’s well worth investing a few minutes every day in self-appreciation as it starts to strengthen our sense of who we are and the qualities of the unique essence we each bring.
This is such a simple program but by the sound of it, it really works. I am going to give it go, as it seems like a great and inexpensive way to build a more solid relationship with myself.
What a beautiful way to support and develop your connection to yourself. I’m going to find a text buddy and do the same thing.
Thank you Donna — you show us that we actually have no issues at hand – it is more the familiarity with struggle (identification).. Hence when we let go of this.. all we find is the glory and nature of who we are. As you have shared with us: ‘This has brought much clarity and joy on a day-to-day basis, however I can now see that this default program of giving myself a hard time has been capping my expansion and evolution.’
We do not stop and appreciate ourselves and others, where we are each at and all that comes our way nearly enough.
So many people have this pattern of self bashing that you describe, very sad and debilitating, how great that you have let go of this pattern and are now appreciating and loving yourself.
Beautiful this is truly the core of it : ‘My foundation is shifting quickly and I now see how giving myself a hard time no longer serves me. It was a pattern that I chose as a way of keeping myself small, of not showing the world the glory of who I really am.’ It is about accepting my responsibility that is living from the wholeness of me and bring that out to the world – without holding back the power of who I am.
Appreciating myself for my natural qualities has been an absolute life-changer for me. Joy is now becoming a more regular companion in my everyday life which is the most incredible thing ever!
Yes, appreciating for who I am and the qualities I bring instead of for what I do is a whole shift of consciousness and looking at the world.
It’s been amazing to consistently reflect on the thoughts I have, to see how these thoughts whether positive or negative, loving or unloving then impact on how I see the world and people. It is our relationship with ourselves that then dictates how we see others and the world and so self critique yourself and then this is your default for others and this example can be applied to everything. You can only do to someone first what you have done to yourself and so equally if you are holding an ongoing love and deep care for yourself then this is what touches the world. There is no end to how far you can expand this all and when this thought comes that there is then it’s time to expand things further. Life isn’t just what physically happens outside of us, there is far more occurring around us then we bring awareness to.
I noticed an old pattern creep in tonight – one where someone was putting me in the doghouse, and I was allowing it by not speaking up, and withdrawing, which was then feeding the other person’s behaviour – my silence was confirming their talking as ‘right’. I felt reduced and less than, and could also feel myself going into victim mode – I can’t say anything because of xyz.. all a big story which means that I don’t have to rock the boat, risk upsetting the other person, and can stay comfortable as the victim. The amazing thing is that the more I build a steady foundation within myself – make more choices to feel amazing and know that it’s okay just to be me, the more anything that is not of that same amazing quality really starts to stand out – including all of my own behaviours and patterns – and it makes me want to start to choose differently.
What a beautiful example of the fact that making the commitment to bring appreciation into our lives has a most natural ripple effect, with the ripples not only flowing through our body but through the bodies of all those around us. As love and appreciation are inextricably intertwined, it is a given that where there is self-love there is self-appreciation, with this divine union having the power to change lives, starting with our own.
Appreciation inspires more appreciation and it is important to never hold back our appreciation for ourselves and all that we bring and indeed, for all others.
I can very much relate Donna – for most of my life, self-bashing and self-critique have been the staples. It has needed and continues to need a huge commitment from myself to turn this around, and build self-appreciation as the foundation that holds me instead. It is amazing what happens when we do commit to this – how hugely held we know we are by the endless well of our own ever expansive and universal love.
It is interesting why we put emphasis on the 20% of our lives that we live in disconnection with our Natural way of being instead to the 80% we already are.
The beautiful thing about what you are sharing here is, that there is another way to live our life than we had taught or given in to, that there is another way where we can truly heal and thus can truly let go of things, which brings true change.
Forget the dog-house and start appreciating seems like a true message we can all learn from so thank you Donna. Texting a friend seems like a great idea and is now something I will do as soon as I find a friend!
Don’t forget a friend with a phone! and smart that phone has to be 🙂
With a smart phone we can probably find True family?
We say yes to those things we know diminish us and that is great to understand for then we know we have the tools in us to consider what in fact we’ve said yes to; and then as we build an appreciation of who we are and compound that we allow the space for all the other bits to fall away, knowing they are not us.
Thanks Donna, I really needed to read this today! After an incredible weekend of amazing things and people and appreciation, I feel unsettled today and it’s the smallest things that I’ve started to give myself a hard time over, instead of staying with the awesome settlement of appreciation. When I start to focus on the small stuff, I really easily lose myself in it, instead of just focusing on keeping on appreciating all of the amazing bits that are always there – but we just stubbornly choose to not focus on, sometimes.
Interesting to consider how e have come into the situation that we doubt or even bash ourselves for what we have done, will be doing or not have done, to name a few arguments we tend to use. As when we return to appreciation we naturally felt held in all that we do and with that we are able to appreciate others too. So could it be that we have lost that connection in us in which we naturally appreciate all of life as it is a precious gift from heaven, as to me life is?
It is incredible how we humans get so caught up in the little things of our imperfections and those of others, constantly self-bashing and judging relentlessly…it is only when we value what we bring, we can self-appreciate and then this easily extends to appreciating all others.
Bringing daily appreciation into our lives is a game changer, it helps let go of the old patterns of beating ourselves up, ‘I began to see daily that the amazingness of who I truly am far outweighs all the little things that I had been giving myself a hard time over.’
It seems to me we have the understanding of how to live in the world back-to-front. Rather than internalise with the critic, self punishing strategy to cope with a situation that hurts or we don’t know how to handle, in truth we can simple connect to the innate love that is already present and externalise this by letting it ripple out. This is a loving way to appreciate who we innately are.
There is a sneaky streak/s in me to not be all of me in and with the world. Gentle, loving, appreciation of myself is the way to get acquainted with these sneakies, to become aware and understand them for what they are so they aren’t the default protection to any external situation that feels a little or lot uncomfortable.
Thank you Donna, for what you have shared it is so very timely for me to realise these words, ‘It was a pattern that I chose as a way of keeping myself small, of not showing the world the glory of who I really am’. A great reminder of the power of appreciation in my life by confirming and expanding the love that I am.
I love the way appreciation works magic in our bodies. It brings and ease and settlement which brings more space for more appreciation so before long this foundation is so strong it paves the way of our next step. In effect when we appreciate ourselves we are guaranteeing the quality of our future.
Love this line Lucy; In effect when we appreciate ourselves we are guaranteeing the quality of our future.
I love the way appreciation works magic in our bodies. It brings an ease and settlement which brings more space for more appreciation so before long this foundation is so strong it paves the way of our next step. In effect when we appreciate ourselves we are guaranteeing the quality of our future.
Indeed Lucy, expressions of appreciation feel like stepping stones to more, greater and grand, to a place we deserve to be.
It’s amazing to see and hear of how our view sets up how we are. As this article offers if you are self critical you seemed to attract more of same and then this is your view and you identify this as ‘just being how you are’. It’s not until something expands your awareness for you to question and almost wake up to see. Appreciation isn’t just a word, it’s a way of life that for us can be a way to continually expand your awareness. No more loathing or battering yourself just a bigger picture focus with appreciation being the norm.
A big thumbs up for appreciation programs. I do a daily text with a close friend, and as a family, we also share appreciations around the dinner table. It changes the focus away from the negative (which has also been my habit) and has opened my eyes to how much there is to appreciate about myself, others and life in general.
Expressing and sharing our appreciation with others is so powerful. Even just giving ourselves a moment to stop, and stock-take in itself is something to really appreciate about.
It is crazy how much time we spent focussing on our ‘short comings’ all the while there is so much grandness and beauty in an about us.
We can so easily get stuck in old, well worn patterns which do not serve us and which in fact hold us back … I love that you’ve been willing to address yours here Donna, and how the simple act of embracing appreciation showed you so much and how in fact you found this to be a natural expression. It has me asking how I can deepen my own appreciation and what I might find when I do.
I have spent most of my life giving myself a hard time also Donna; but no more. Your blog is a great inspiration to always remember that appreciation is the pathway to love.
Appreciation of self is the precursor and foundation for truly appreciating others and what we all bring.
It is one of the greatest losses our world has been delivered that self doubt and self bashing far out weigh self appreciation and the responsibility that true appreciation engenders.
Self-bashing is incredibly harmful to both us and others and yet so many of us do it and even feel virtuous about it as if it is being honest or helpful in some way. This is such an illusion as the only thing that is healing is love and that is true love which does not have one ounce of emotion.
Great title ‘Appreciation – A Pathway to Love’ with ourselves and others. Time to bin all the books on finding love and connect to the joy of appreciation.
Thank you Donna for the clarity with which you express your appreciation for yourself and the recognition that whilst there will always be stuff to work on it that it is not who you are. Like you I have been so good at focusing on what I perceived to be my weaknesses that they overshadowed all there is to appreciate in how my life has turned around since attending Universal Medicine presentations and taking responsibility for how I am with myself and others.
Appreciation is so needed on our way back to Soul as it is a continuous confirmation of how great and beautiful we are and with that we give it permission to grow it even bigger.
So true Nico, as we grow the appreciation feels like it expands with us and connects those Soul-full moments, so I suppose we could say appreciation is the glue between our Soul expressing as it holds one moment to the next!
Yes Greg, you could see appreciation as a glue, but sometimes I also see it as food, nourishing food for the Soul.
Wow! I appreciate and have an appetite for this level of appreciation as long as it does not contain gluten.
Appreciation is key indeed in deepening our love, without it we get pulled back into doubt. And the more we appreciate, the more we see to appreciate in ourselves and others, it’s a bounty once we choose to live with and engage it, once we choose to let go the old ways to doubt and deprecation.
I know this story all too well Donna. Especially the part about attracting a hard time to myself! I’ve done that a lot. Appreciation is the perfect antidote to beating ourselves up and it’s lovely to do too.
I’ve been noticing lately how I’ve held the belief that I am no good at appreciating myself because while attending a couple of Universal Medicine presentations recently I had to stop and say to myself ‘But I am living that’ I could see moments in my life where I do appreciate and I am really enjoying being me. The fact that I even have these ‘hang on a minute, I do that’ moments highlights that somewhere I’ve believed that I don’t appreciate. Which is cool to take notice of.
It is strange how often we are comfortable with judging and bashing ourselves but baulk at loving and appreciating ourselves. There is never a good reason to judge or bash ourselves regardless of what we may or may not have done. It is always harmful and indulgent. All that is needed is to nominate, see things as they are, be ready to change and be ready to accept our awesomeness and grandness.
Such joy in your article, and it was a joy to read. I can see how liberating it is to free yourself from a pattern that is holding you back, and I got from this that a key to doing so is to be honest enough to see that you are actually choosing that pattern, and to lovingly look at why and then let it go. That is the power of true and lasting change.
This was me all over Donna, focusing on the what is not love, and forgetting about all that is love. I now have a deep appreciation for appreciation, and all that it has offered me. It’s a total turn around from self bashing and feeling unworthily, to now continually building my appreciation and worth. I’m now learning to walk the steps in celebration of all the love I am.
We love to self-criticise and bash even though it is always harmful and never warranted. One reason is because we are so addicted to identification and get great identification out of issues even imaginary ones and not out of the natural awesomeness we all share!
I love what you share here Donna about appreciation ‘As I have begun to deeply appreciate all that ‘I am’, the ‘what I am not’ has started to fade into the background. ‘ So true the more we focus on our amazing qualities the more amazingness we clock in ourselves an in others – it makes perfect sense for appreciation to be added to the school curriculum for the loving and true foundation it builds for everyone.
I am finding that the more I appreciate, the more there is to appreciate – within me and around me. And, others then appreciate the reflection they are feeling and can begin to bring appreciation to themselves.
I have put myself on a program of appreciation. I do it for myself each day, with my family around the dinner table and also with a friend via daily texts. What’s great is how I have seen my appreciation for myself and others grow. I did reach a point where I thought, ‘ok, I’ve done enough of this,’ but I am glad I decided to continue, because my appreciations have got deeper and there is no end point. I have decided to make this part of my daily rhythm, and as a result the negative thoughts I used to have flooding my head are fast diminishing.
Self appreciation, as you say Donna, is such a beautiful supportive and nurturing pathway to true love. It is also a pathway to deepening our appreciation for others and all around us.
It follows that if you don’t hold what you have built as your foundations as precious as anything else, you cannot build on it to take it to the next level.
Gorgeous revelations are made in this piece of writing. As we are seeing more clearly how truly benefitial it is to appreciate all the steps that we have made, and to accept our imperfections. This is one aspect I am deeply learning.
Each one of us has mastered ways, paths and movements to disconnect from the body and hence not to feel and not to have any true anchor to truth. Each of us has its own repertoire. It is important to clock how we do it so we can catch ourselves on the spot and say no to it.
Self doubt can get out of control if it is not caught in time and even when we say ‘No’ like I did recently it is interesting what came through another to try and turn me to becoming doubtful… it didn’t work as I responded with observation and then it became much clearer what was being played out as I expressed the situation with another. Self doubt destroys when left to fester… it is love for self that conquers doubt.
Self-apprecaition is not something that has been easy for me. I can easily appreciate the things I do, but appreciating who I am is much harder. This blog is a great reminder of the importance of appreciating ourselves.
It’s great to become aware of the cycles that play out in our lives – the more we understand them the more we can re-imprint the movement of them and make new cycles instead of repeating the old ones.
I have also been exchanging daily message with a friend on what I appreciate and it has been almost a year now, and that in itself is something to appreciate about – I must say there were days when it was very hard to appreciate myself but it has been a beautiful process mutually shared and held by each other.
A great awareness to lovingly offer ourselves that there is nothing or no-one served by giving ourselves a hard time and keeping small.
I very much relate to your blog as to how I used to be before I accepted just how awesome I am. It is interesting to discover these patterns and that we don’t need to be or live in these harmful ways. The Way of The Livingness shows us that there is a whole other way to live – an expansive Way that is truly loving, fun and unifying.
The more I appreciate, the more there is to appreciate – the cycle deepens and evolves the way of living in daily life, which offers the opportunity for further appreciation – the infinite nature and quality of appreciation is to be appreciated 🙂 :).
It amazing how one thought leads to another and then down the track it’s almost like you are living your thoughts. We often then go through life thinking we are something and when we look at it a little closer we see that it has no basis or foundation and possibly just started with a thought. It’s like appreciation, why don’t we use it? What are we often afraid to appreciate something too much or too often? What are we afraid of losing? I know for me in the past and still now I see appreciation as hard work or not the way I do things though when I do it I feel lighter, conversations flow more easily and I understand more. Am I still running a past thought that became thoughts that became a way I thought was me? This is changing but forever needs to be appreciated.
Your blog has got me pondering why in general as a human race we don’t appreciate who we really are, I wonder if it’s because every day we make billions of choices, and in many of them are not what we know they could be, they’re sprinkled with mistakes and moments we would like to never repeat, and for some reason we place more importance on the not so good stuff than the good stuff, and don’t appreciate that every moment is to help us evolve, and everything about us is to help us learn, and when we make mistakes that’s only a tiny part of our magnificent whole.
The way people treat themselves and others would be vastly different should we all come to a place like you have where we begin to see the amazingness of who we truly are, are able to embody that and above all else recognize that this far outweighs all the things we give ourselves a hard time for… for abuse of others starts with our ability to abuse ourselves.
Well said Sammy, as is the ability to love others comes from the ability to love ourselves.
” I began to see daily that the amazingness of who I truly am far outweighs all the little things ” – this says it all.
Appreciation feels as a natural movement in our body and we have to work very hard to counter this by self bashing thoughts and making ourselves small as to fit in ‘your’ doghouse.
Well said Annelies – It is not the appreciation or self-love that takes effort but there is tireless effort needed to treat ourselves in the opposite, most unnatural way of self abuse. Hence, the world being so addicted to coffee and completely exhausted. The force we need to constantly say yes to oppose the innate love we have for ourselves and each other is intense.
it is very interesting , to know from your blog, that we are indeed choosing to be seen for who we are, or holding back the glory we are. This reveals to us, that because we can make the choice to either hide or shine, we have a great capacity (and hence we know appreciation is our key) what to do and choose for us to shine or to do the opposite – hide! Interesting to observe the power & wisdom that lays within and how we will use it.
Beautiful humorous blog Donna, thank you
I can very much relate to your blog Donna, ‘the whole time, not assessing or feeling if what had been said was indeed true for me or not.’ I used to do this a lot but now I am learning to appreciate myself and trust what I feel. Also allowing myself time to discern what feels true or not, instead of jumping straight into reaction or trying to justify myself.
It is amazing that we had never before clocked this, that the antidote to giving ourselves a hard time or lack of self worth is to actually bring more appreciation. In hearing Serge Benhayon present on this- it just makes sense. I love his common sense and loving approach to life that supports people to be more of themselves.
It is so true Donna, when we get stuck in the cycle of being hard on ourselves and putting ourselves down it should not be a surprise when caught in that energy that you attract others who will feed that pattern. Self-appreciation breaks that cycle, as does building appreciation with others.
I love this fountain of appreciation you share Donna. It is true – self appreciation is the game-changer and as the games get exposed, there is more to appreciate in the new-normal-amazing-changes that continue in our lives from the The Way of The Livingness.
“Because I already had a strong foundation of love in my body from the self-loving choices I had been making over the last four or five years, this opened up a fountain of appreciation for myself that I never knew was there, dwelling inside of me waiting to burst out”.
I have realised in the last few days that we can not appreciate ourselves enough. That we need to start this with small steps and your did with your texting program and then allow the appreciation to naturally build. Appreciation leads very naturally to more appreciation. The beauty with this is then is how we approach others. How important is appreciating ourselves and how we are, the impacts of which cannot be underestimated.
I actually don’t have any appreciation for myself, this is something I need to work on, I appreciate others but if someone asked me to appreciate something about myself or something I have brought to the day I find it hard, I find it easier to comment on what is not love or where I feel I have stuffed up or gone wrong. I feel there is a lot of people who run or live from this negative default program, you see it start from an early age in school, I am sure it may start younger than that but I don’t have first hand experience of seeing that.
I have been finding myself feeling treated disrespectfully at a number of occasions lately and I have been looking at the way I am with myself, and what’s coming up is the lack of appreciation, self-loathing, being hard on myself… I can give it many names, but it all comes down to the fact that I am still fighting my own essence, resisting what and where I truly belong to.
How many things we do to ourselves we do not even realise we do because we think that are part of who we are?
‘Along with the appreciation of myself also has come hand in hand a deeper appreciation of others.’ This is my experience too Donna this is really going hand in hand and has always been the other way around; when I am critical about myself I took this way of looking with me in viewing, judging others. When I am in appreciation of myself there is no need to put someone down, there is no competition or comparison there is a deep love for all. And although I can have moments of critic and judging I know I can connect to this foundation of love in me and come back to appreciation.
Your words ‘I would be the first person to put my hand up thinking it was my fault’ how often do we beat ourselves up when things go wrong, never appreciating either what we learn from situations or the fact that it may not have been because of us. The more we appreciate ourselves and the choices we make, the more we appreciate others.
I recognise this tendency to be my own most severe critic and looking for what is wrong rather than all that is within me to appreciate. Appreciation is a beautiful medicine that allows me to feel I am walking in sunshine inside and out.
I love what you share here “appreciation is a pathway to a deeper level of love” .I know I need to go deeper with.
Hello again Donna and I am going back to back with comments on your blog only a few days apart for a reason. Actually I lied there is no reason, I’m just in another part of appreciating appreciation and so your blog is a must visit. This is true for me in what happens, “I began to see daily that the amazingness of who I truly am far outweighs all the little things that I had been giving myself a hard time over.” We often go all in on a part, in a day it might be a few minutes and we spend the most if not all our time focussed on the few minutes and giving no time to the rest of the day. Isn’t this true also to how we live, focussed on a small part with little or no regard to the whole picture? What I see is that we are far to critical of ourselves which then goes out to others. Let’s by all means discuss what we see, but equal time to equal parts. So if you have found a part that doesn’t look great or sit well with you, let’s discuss it but making sure we appreciate all that does look great and sits well. It’s not that we need to make a huge change, we only need bring the detail and sometime enthusiasm to everything and not just a part.
Great blog Donna and extremely well and beautifully said. I have been playing around with something similar with people close to me. Each day we have a moment when we tell each other one things we would like to do differently and 2 things we appreciate from the day before. There is no wrong or right or boundaries but more a building block for something greater. Appreciation is something to bring to the meal table, the bedroom, the work place, the after hours hang out and everywhere. We are all to quick to jump into other things but if you use appreciation consistently in your day you will find in a short time how you see things will have more space. As you are rightly on Donna, it starts with how we are with ourselves and we can unlock this by truly appreciating others, it’s a relationship and so no matter where it’s towards or what time of day it is, appreciate all you see and this feeling will walk with you. Thank you Donna.
I love the simplicity of this Donna – with choosing differently: the that which is not love begins to fade away and with appreciation, we can begin accepting ourselves in full and return to the ‘what is ‘ of the ‘who I am’.
“As I have begun to deeply appreciate all that ‘I am’, the ‘what I am not’ has started to fade into the background”.
Hi Donna, I was reading this and felt that someone was writing my story for me. Many would relate to the doubting and the berating of oneself. Great turnaround though, appreciation is definitely the way to grow something in value, so it makes sense to utilise it to grow ourselves!
The always doubting oneself and beating oneself up of doing it wrong is a pattern I can very much relate to, but as you say we are selling ourselves very short with this and keep us busy complicating things where no complication is needed. So, as you describe, self-appreciation is the antidote to this behaviour and should be the medicine for any one in doubt.
There is so much more to appreciate about ourselves when we choose to stop believing that abusing ourselves is normal. Crazy really because we would never want to be that nasty to another but we don’t think the same way about ourselves.
This is really important for every woman to read as I feel that most of us focus on our flaws instead of really developing a foundation of loving and caring for ourselves and being able to appreciate ourselves. This idea was not something that ever even entered my thoughts at any point during my life until I heard Serge Benhayon present on this. His work in the area of women’s health is unparalleled.
The glimpses I have of self-appreciation are truly astounding. It’s definitely something worth deepening for us all
I agree Michael, and to know there is never an end point with appreciation, it is an ongoing and deepening process worth committing to.
‘The amazingness of who I am far outweighs the little things I give myself a hard time over’ – so true, Donna. How often do we ignore the amazing parts of us and qualities that we hold, only to give disproportionate attention to the things that we don’t get right. Appreciation really is a game changer in turning this pattern around. The giving ourselves a hard time begins to feel like an unnecessary amount of effort.
Learning to appreciate my self has been a huge shift for me it offers me the opportunity to continually deepen my connection with the love I truly am and the more I appreciate myself the more I naturally appreciate other.
I can relate to saying yes the cycle of self-abuse in a big and very self-destructive; self-loathing way. Once I let down my walls of protection and defensive reactive behaviours and connected deeply with who I truly am I felt the power and strength of my innocence and vulnerability, the warmth and nurturing I felt from within gave me a sense of safety and knowing I have never felt from anything or one outside of me.
I can totally relate to your relationship with the ‘doghouse’ as I too had allowed myself to regularly reside there. At the instant that something went wrong I would look at how this could have been my fault rather than reading what in truth was at play. I would beat myself up for not being perfect, confirming that I was not ever enough. Through Universal Medicine and The Way of the Livingness I have discovered that who I am is already enough, and the more I appreciate the love I am, the more I am confident to hold this Love throughout my day. And even if something is amiss, I now see it as an opportunity to deepen my connection the love I know I am, as I am an eternal student learning to live Soulfully, as best I can.
as with many things in the ‘inner world’ appreciation really has to be felt to be… well… appreciated! It can seem so simple, and yet it is really the opening of… “A box of butterflies” (the opposite of a can of worms☺)
I noticed how I am finding it very hard to appreciate myself for the past several days – and I am finding it difficult to appreciate others as well. It is very beautiful to be reminded through your sharing that it really is a simple choice to go back basics of self-love. Thank you, Donna, for your heart-felt sharing.
Giving ourself a hard time is the easy way out of living responsible. Choosing to see the beauty in the life we live is responsible as it is building on that what is there.
When I consider how much attention was given on what was not good in me in my growing up, it is not that strange that I end up in adulthood as a person that was unaware of appreciating myself and in that I was only able to concentrate myself on the little things that did not went so well and in a life of continuous improvement. What I sense is that from this way of growing up, with bringing only attention to what was not good in me, did not prosper and celebrate, in any way shape or form, the amazing person I was. Therefore I ended up in a self criticising way of living that was void of appreciation and self respect, and made me a players ball of how life presented itself to me.
Beating myself up has been a life long pattern, I blamed myself if abuse came my way such as bullying, or if there was chaos or disharmony around me, firmly believing that I must need to change, or if I was somehow better things would improve. I’ve realised now through connecting to my inner self with the tools and modalities of Universal Medicine that who I am is complete and it’s pretty amazing. Another can only drag me down if I allow it, as I can now choose to confirm who I am and accept myself in full, and the beauty I feel within.
A very powerful read thanks Donna. I’ve recently realised how much I can depend on anothers confirmation of me, feeling left out if another is being honoured. It’s great to clock this and make a new choice to simply hold myself in confirmation and not wait for it to come from the outside.
Self-appreciation is definitely the key to love and eliminating self-doubt and lack of self worth. Appreciation how much people love having you around, how they light up when they see you, speak with you, or when you share for example your joy and deep connection to nature. Appreciation is a non-stop thing, it’s a two-way flow, I love it when appreciating another and they simply say thank you, for they know the truth and it’s confirmed in them, plus there is so much joy in it as we are with God, there is no self getting in the way.
‘that the amazingness of who I truly am far outweighs all the little things that I had been giving myself a hard time over.’ Isn’t it interesting how we tend to focus on the tiny miniscule things that we perceive as ‘wrong’ , when really there is no wrong, just a whoops, learning, over and above the grand, glorious divine whole we all come from. It’s a bit like going out surrounded by the most glorious and amazing sunrise or sunset with rainbows and all, a double one at that, and not seeing any of it, because we are more concerned we didn’t know it was going to rain that day.
When we focus on our faults and imperfections it can become a habit or pattern to only see them. Unfortunately, thinking in this way completely undermines our true strengths and does not appreciate our qualities, so we end up perpetually feeding our weaknesses instead of building on these strengths and qualities…. The very same strengths and qualities that can actively support us to address and rebuild our weaknesses and eliminate this whole irritating game from our daily life.
As we deepen our appreciation of ourselves we naturally deepen our appreciation of others. Beautifully said Donna.
“I can now see that this default program of giving myself a hard time has been capping my expansion and evolution.” And giving ourselves a hard time has never served anyone, it is a way to avoid being the love that we are and I agree appreciation is essential in our evolution.
‘It was a pattern that I chose as a way of keeping myself small, of not showing the world the glory of who I really am’. That makes so much sense to me Donna. Now, I understand why I choose this pattern too – thank-you.
‘ however I can now see that this default program of giving myself a hard time has been capping my expansion and evolution’. In the last few months I have been letting go of a lot, materially due to a country move, but physically as well. With all the new space I have now created in my body and in my life, this old and outdated pattern has no more room to play out! And I have felt the expansion and the lightness in my body.
There is so much to appreciate about you Donna, and I love how you shared this experience with a friend so you could see what it felt like to start appreciating consistently.
I have learned when I make a mistake to reflect on what happened, acknowledge what I’ve done, learn from it and move on. This is a mile away from where I use to be when I would crumble if criticised or made an error. More important is taking responsibility for why something happens. It’s incredibly empowering to reflect on something and see that it occurred, for example, because I lacked true care attention and with awareness I can commit to doing something about it. The problem, when it arises, is always an opportunity to evolve, if we choose to.
I am very familiar with the pattern of shutting down if I get something wrong – you explained the cascade effect to the tee Donna. Starting with the doubt, then disconnection, abusive self talk and then I add on a wallow too. It’s a pattern that is sure to put me in the dog house for extended amounts of time as it covers all basis and is a successful recipe in knocking out any spark of appreciation. Actually, that’s it’s main purpose, to keep me as far away as possible from appreciation – so appreciation must be a very powerful tool!
With the awareness there that we actually CHOOSE these patterns, like self-bashing or doubt, we can then move to the understanding that we are not tied down by them and these patterns are not who we are.
Well said Rachael, we don’t need to feel owned by our patterns and behaviours as there is always a choice in each and every moment.
“I can now see that this default program of giving myself a hard time has been capping my expansion and evolution.”
Yes indeed Donna, we get taught that we are to learn the hard way, but true learning comes from a lightness of being and an atmosphere of appreciation, as this allows expansion and an higher intelligence to work for us.
Yes, Judith, we are taught that we are to learn the hard way, to work hard and to play hard, which makes us all very hard… I know how hard my body had become by these old beliefs. Love what you express and going to repeat it: true learning comes from a lightness of being and an atmosphere of appreciation, as this allows expansion and an higher intelligence to work for us.
I can relate to always seeing the fault in myself and can confirm that simply by turning my attention to all the beauty and strength that there is to appreciate about myself and nurturing and cherishing this/me the self doubt and turning away from me becomes less and less as it simply has no ground to make its voice heard anymore.
I work with young people and will often ask them what their strengths are. What is interesting is many if not all will struggle to express their strengths but find it easy to tell me what they are not good at. Saying I am stupid comes to their mind quickly where as saying I am friendly, motivated, awesome, etc are hard to say and they have to really search and fumble before they can get the words out. It as if they have never been given permission to say how great they are. It is as if many are more comfortably bashing themselves than tooting their own horn. I totally understand though, as I used to be that way too, but for me this has all changed over the last 7 years, since meeting Serge Benhayon and learning to appreciate myself. I am awesome and I have so much to appreciate. Instead of putting all that time and effort into the self loathing, I have turned it around and chosen to put it into the self loving.
I like what you are pointing out here Rosie. It is very true that most people have a hard time seeing the beauty and strength in themselves but are quick in saying what is ‘wrong’ about them. This is a sad reflection on our way of looking at the world, we very much get taught to look at all the bits and pieces that are seemingly not right instead of always drawing from the riches we hold in ourselves and have and come from there. It has been a real learning for me to appreciate myself and still is very much today as the habit of self criticism is running deep.
When I appreciate myself fully i can then truly appreciate others as appreciation is not about perfection but is about acceptance of who we are and what we bring and this is possible for everyone. Yes, Donna, appreciation is a game changer.
“The Game Changer – Self-Appreciation” This stood out for me like a beacon from a lighthouse. Self appreciation is something I have not been good at, I’m not sure many are. But it is something I have been bringing into my awareness so much more these days, if we don’t, there isn’t a capacity for us to feel that appreciation for others. I feel it extends beyond appreciation, because what flows from there is understanding, patience for others, being more accepting of others too. If you are not able to appreciate yourself, I have found (from experience) there just isn’t the capacity within us to hold others in those qualities.
I could not agree more Donna, appreciation is a game changer and instead of bashing ourselves and being harsh with ourselves it makes perfect sense that doing the opposite would result in us being more loving with ourselves.
Donna, that last line is pure gold, ‘appreciation is a pathway to a deeper level of love’. One I can feel right now is super pertinent for me as I can feel how appreciation can support me in my day to day living.
Thank you Donna for a very beautiful article, I have been in the self bashing mode most of my life, always concerned about getting it right, so the path of appreciation I have embarked on of late has been a slow one for me, but little by little I am finding more of me to appreciate, my own beauty that I hold within and am now letting out.
There is an endless depth of appreciation if we keep saying yes and yes.
I love it – out of the doghouse and loving ourselves to the core.
A beautiful blog Donna…that expresses the same long term held pattern I have also experienced and chosen. ‘Because of this belief I often attracted situations and relationships where I was also given a hard time, which simply to me confirmed my belief that indeed something was wrong with me.’ I came to this very realisation yesterday when I considered how much of a hard time I have given myself and how this is then reflected back to me by others. I was waiting for others to confirm me but not willing to do this for myself. Not surprisingly the more I self-appreciate the more this is also confirmed by others. Taking the steps to initiate self-appreciation is so very needed to counter and cut self-bashing!
I have uncovered more of this choice recently, “It was a pattern that I chose as a way of keeping myself small, of not showing the world the glory of who I really am.” The more we hold self love, and absoluteness in our ‘enoughness’ and divinity, the more consistently we appreciate who we are and so the choice to sabotage becomes more glaringly obvious and not normal or part of life.
The old self bashing game has played a big part in my life too. It’s been my default position and I have taken comfort in the abuse (crazy but true) what I have found is that when I start to appreciate myself it opens the door for so much more to appreciate.
‘It was a pattern that I chose as a way of keeping myself small, of not showing the world the glory of who I really am.’ Giving myself a hard time is a very known pattern and as you say the only reason to choose this is to hold back what I know and not live the beautiful qualities in me. Appreciation is the way and that’s what I am learning to do with myself and others, to open up and share who I am.
This makes so much sense Donna, ‘ appreciation is a pathway to a deeper level of love.’
Great reminder to deepen my appreciation, which I tend to forget at times. But there is no ending to it, as every day, I can appreciate, not only me, but every little detail about life, others and all there is right in front of me.
I was an expert at self-bashing and held the belief that I was not allowed to get thing wrong… which was so very harming and abusive to myself. Like you Donna; ‘ It was a pattern that I chose as a way of keeping myself small, of not showing the world the glory of who I really am’. Now that I am aware of this old pattern, I am so much more aware if it creeps in again, and it does try, but with so much self-love and appreciation for myself for all the amazing steps I have taken in the past 5 years, it just doesn’t belong – there is no longer the space for any self-bashing.
Thank you Donna, it was great reading you story, I had been giving myself a hard time over falling in to the same familiar pattern of behaviour again your story presented me with appreciation which I am taking time to do, bringing me back to me.
Donna, I love how clearly you speak of your responsibility in living this way and how you saw and looked at how you said yes to that pattern. I can feel and see how supportive this is and how when we dig underneath we see our part and in doing so we empower ourselves to feel and see that we have a choice. You’ve inspired me to look into some more of my own habits to understand and let go those which do not support me anymore.
I am so glad to be reading your story Donna. It is exactly what I needed to be reminded of. Self appreciation is something that I need to do more of too.
Sometimes I am surprised to realise what I have always thought as a fair and honest observation of myself was actually unreasonably harsh, and there still lies identification with what and how I did in the past but wish I hadn’t – I can feel the reason why I still play that game is because there’s investment and attraction to me, myself and I. Appreciation, on the other hand, is resurrection and recognition of my true essence – which is not mine to hold. And if I truly and completely surrender to it, I will no longer be as I have known myself to be.
It is a given, appreciation is a huge support in our evolution, it gives us the foundation to build on.
Doubt is a real killer to our confidence, our equilibrium and sense of who we are. Appreciation of self is a great tool as a way to climb out of it as it provides the building blocks back to self-acceptance – accepting of who we really we are. This is the point we left off in the first place that then allowed the space for doubt to creep in.
What I am finding goes really well with appreciation is the science of confirmation. When I truly connect to my own inner essence it feels divine, exquisite, gorgeous but so often I brush over this and don’t really stop to clock how great it actually feels to be me in my body. So something I have been working on recently is really confirming and appreciating the yummy feeling I experience when I connect to my body and my own inner stillness and when I move my body in connection with that stillness.
I can really relate to what you are saying here Donna in this blog for I have also had an ingrained pattern of only seeing the so called faults or mistakes in my life. I was feeling as I read your blog that if we give more voice to our appreciation and really commit to expressing that every day than there is a lot less room for the energy of self- deprecation in our bodies and minds.
Thank you Donna for your excellent tip on building self- appreciation. It is something I also could do with more of so I am going to give your appreciation program a go and see what happens.
Donna, your blog shows how important it is for us to not just swallow what people say but to really examine if it is true and see whether it may instead be coming from their pain. It we default into doubting ourselves we compound the self-doubt and give our power away. Even if we may have made a mistake and it is a true reflection we don’t need to make ourselves less for it but just take note and move on, being more aware not to do it again.
Donna, your blog sounds much like my story as I also gave myself a hard time and was very quick to make myself at fault, but I now see that “giving myself a hard time no longer serves me” or anyone else for that matter, and I am starting to appreciate who I am. Doing this though means I can no longer hide and it means I need to commit to life more than ever before.
Thank you for writing this blog Donna as it helped me to explore the patterns I was living with. I also come from a life in which I gave myself a hard time in persuading to improve myself in every thing I was doing: becoming a good husband, a good father, good at my work etc. and in all of that I never appreciated that what I already was and was bringing to everybody I lived and interacted with. The falsity of that feeling of not being enough, that what we are not, can drive us through all of our lives and in that we will never truly connect to ourselves to stop and appreciate that what we already are.
Beautiful Donna, being hard on ourselves is such a narrow view of who we are. Appreciation confirms the big picture, it introduces us to the totality, and somehow also continues to expand our view and realisation of who we are. Appreciation is like digging up a never ending treasure!
If we were given certificates for self-bashing and self-criticism, I’m sure I would have been awarded a masters in the past! And if I wasn’t putting myself down, I was quick to do this to others. What I realised for myself is that this pattern stemmed from low self-worth and a lack of self-care and love, and that as I began to work on these areas, I began to have less need to criticise myself. With this understanding and acceptance of myself, I’m also less critical of others. Self appreciation takes this process to a whole new level.
This is great to read, and feel the power of appreciation. I can feel how it is supportive to appreciate ourself and know that beating myself up is definitely not the way.
I found appreciation took on a whole different flavour when I started to embody it more throughout my day – as things started to arise my body felt the warm glow of appreciation. I was then appreciating qualities rather than making appreciation about what I got done. Men and women both are raised and educated to find our value through what we do – talents skills, achievements, even how much we get paid and what we own materially or don’t own etc..
I have also started doing the appreciation programme with a friend exchanging emails with two things we appreciate, and I absolutely love it. Sometimes I cannot contain my smile when I read her email. And when I write mine, there are days I struggle to come up with what to write, and some days it takes no time at all. I feel like I am really beginning to feel appreciation as a full body experience, and it really is a confirmation of what is here already and what we are appreciating is a quality that we recognise and know we belong to.
“The amazingness of who I truly am far outweighs all the little things that I had been giving myself a hard time over” – this is such a brilliant observation. It sounds totally crazy but I have often allowed those little hiccups to completely cancel out everything I had lived up to that point thinking that I was back to the square one. At that rate, I was never going to feel I was ready to appreciate and enjoy life.
Thank you Donna for a reminder to not give ourselves a hard time and to appreciate where we have come from in our lives to this point. With thanks to Serge Benhayon for his presentations of the Ancient Wisdom and the sharing of the fact of the Love that we all are.
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This sentence is beautiful “I began to see very clearly just how awesome I am and just how much there is to appreciate about myself. I began to see daily that the amazingness of who I truly am far outweighs all the little things that I had been giving myself a hard time over.” They are indeed little; it is us that makes and thinks they are big! It is the appreciation for ourselves that supports us, for in the appreciation we are then equipped to handle what comes our way.
“… I can now see that this default program of giving myself a hard time has been capping my expansion and evolution.” I could not agree more with this sentence. Every time we give ourselves a hard time whether it seems big or small it caps us from taking responsibility in our commitment to ourselves to another level. I have become more aware of this recently in my own life realising that every time I create any doubt I am in fact holding myself back.
After giving myself a hard time for most of my life too I am finding it to be life changing in learning to appreciate myself. There are moments in my day where I may express my appreciation for myself to another and not think twice about it. This has been a big change for me as I could never seem to find the confidence to do it in case I would get ridiculed and dismissed. Appreciating myself unlocks the door to appreciating others and this I am finding especially within my family.
What surprises me about appreciation is the way that self criticism and criticism of others just melts away and we can see so many things to appreciate rather than being so critical. Feeling like we are responsible for so much in the world can lead us to not only be hard on ourselves but very hard on others. We then do not give anyone the space they need to evolve. Learning appreciation creates the space for evolution that we need.
The first line was what drew me in when reading this blog “I have spent most of my life giving myself a hard time.” I can so relate to this, it was something that I just didn’t know how to do differently. No matter what spiritual new age course I went to, friends I spoke to, psychologist I went to or book I read. It was still there, very ingrained in how I spoke to myself, treated myself and then others as a result of that. It wasn’t good. All of this only turned around when I commence having Universal Medicine therapies, attending their courses and presentations by the extraordinary man Serge Benhayon. This was what turned around a life time (life times) of self abuse, critique and irresponsibility. For that the appreciation is beyond words.
Really appreciate what you have shared Donna, it reminds us to see the beauty we bring daily in life and opens our eyes to the beauty and magic that surrounds us and the fact it is our choice whether we choose to see, love and appreciate it.
Quite often in todays world when we actually do appreciate ourselves it is for something that we do rather than the quality we are and choose to do things with.
We are born with the ability to self appreciate as our default yet slowly we choose to give this away to fit into the world that does not celebrate self-appreciation. Young children are the first to put up their hand by saying they are awesome and can do anything, when we value this ability more than we value fitting in our world will become a more loving place.
Thank you Donna for a greta blog, this is such a powerful line “As I have begun to deeply appreciate all that ‘I am’, the ‘what I am not’ has started to fade into the background. It is something that I need to lovingly work on, but I no longer identify with it as who I am.”
‘As I have begun to deeply appreciate all that ‘I am’, the ‘what I am not’ has started to fade into the background.’ When we focus more on appreciating all that we are, we change our perception of ourselves to something that is true, rather than beating ourselves up for what we take on that we know deep down is not who we are.
To heal and come back to Love it is so important to focus on what is true and this is what allows the falling away of all that is not true to leave more room for Love to spill into.
l could have written the following, “Giving myself a hard time was part of my foundation – so much so that until recently I didn’t even realise the extent to which I internally battered and beat myself.” l have made being my own worst enemy a mastery. lt is amazing to watch the intricate way l do this day after day.
lt is almost imperceptible except for the fact of the dull hum of anxiety buzzing in my belly.
A great reminder to always come back to appreciation first and foremost. We get raised to think in right and wrong, good and bad and constantly measures ourselves along these rulers. To feel we are always great, no matter if we make a mistake or not is the most solid foundation to build our lives on.
Wise lived words Carolien: ‘ To feel we are always great, no matter if we make a mistake or not is the most solid foundation to build our lives on’. Just the other day I made a mistake and went into a bit of self-bashing, which thankfully I did not indulge in because I shared with another student and they supported me to feel that I was still great!
The power of reflection Jacqmcfadden04, when we are in it, it is not always easy to step out of it but others who are not can offer us the reflection of the love we need in that moment. We do not need to do it alone.
This is beautiful Donna, thank you for sharing.
I loved reading your blog Donna, thank you for sharing your deepening appreciation of the love that you are . The word “appreciation” brings a smile to my face and a warmth to my body.
Yes and how could we not appreciate the love we are, and are from ? This is what it truly means to ‘be full of yourself.’
Donna, I am just beginning to get a tiny inkling of all that dwells inside of me that is waiting to burst out….
And further, my understanding is that through the appreciation of where I have been, where I am now, and knowing who I am and where I am going, the deep well of wisdom within can flow out and express itself in simplicity and yet at the same time, in all the glory.
I know this feeling and it fills me with wonderment as I already have felt so much of myself, yet in the scope of things I know I have only met the tip of the iceberg.
“I no longer identify with it as who I am” this is the key, to not identify with who we are not, and to only identify with the love, truth and wisdom we hold within ourselves. For inside us is the Kingdom of God, which far outweighs anything else.
“The amazingness of who I truly am far outweighs all the little things that I had been giving myself a hard time over.” It’s so true – when we look at the grand scheme of things, and our purpose here on earth, our so called issues and woes are actually tiny, if not, non existent. It’s a bit like when a small child or friend comes to share with you a worry/dilemma/drama, that for them, seems huge, but in actual fact is tiny and nothing compared to them – All you can see is how huge, glorious, beautiful and amazing they are.
I am seeing “Self-Appreciation” come up a lot in articles and blog comments, for me this feels to be the game changer in a lot of things in life and the so called issues we have. The fact that we as a society do not and have not spent very much, if any, time appreciating just how awesome and amazing we all are. The world, relationships, work places, families etc. would all be very different if we did this, even the state of illness and disease. As a whole, low self esteem and lack of self worth are a global epidemic, something that could be greatly support by a huge dollop of daily appreciation of self and others.
‘I began to explore why I was choosing it.’ This is the key, it’s all well to realise we self-abuse, but it’s the ‘why’ that’s truly going to support changing the ill behaviour and pattern for good. It’s a little bit like eating chocolate biscuits, feeling sick and saying I know they’re not good for me, but continuing to eat them; to the eating chocolate biscuits, feeling sick and saying why is it, what is it about me that keeps choosing to eat them when they make me feel this way – as it’s not the chocolate biscuit it’s the unresolved emotion underneath that’s driving us to eat chocolate/sugar so as to numb our body and not feel it.
“Giving myself a hard time has been capping my expansion and evolution.” This is so true, as by choosing to do this we are in constant comparison, goal setting, living by a picture in our head of what we should look like or where we should be, or thinking we are less. When all along we are all exactly the same, it’s simply by choosing a lack of responsibility that we end up this way, no one to blame. The thing is, we all know the choices we can make, every single day that will truly support us to evolve and be exactly who we are, it’s down to the simple fact, whether we choose them or not. Giving ourselves a hard time is a game we play.
Donna, I could relate to you having had a foundation of lack of self worth and self loathing. Deep gratitude to Serge Benhayon and the amazing workshops that I have attended over 8 yrs I am now learning to appreciate myself more and I the reflection is amazing- embracing more love in my life.
Your words today Donna really resonated deep within me.
“As I have begun to deeply appreciate ‘all that I am’, ‘The what I am not’ has started to fade away into the background”. A wonderful summing up I feel of the true gift of appreciation. Thank you.
I love these words too Marion and highlights how simple life really is, and I like simplicity!
Self appreciation is a real foundation for me to work upon, after living most of my life without it, I can see how confirming myself and others, opens me up and allows me to see the true beauty of me.
I like here Donna that not only did you identify something that was not working in your life but then you actively did something about it by putting yourself on a self-appreciation program. That’s a great idea and one I might try myself!
I too have been asking inroads into my long standing habit of self-criticism. Whenever I catch myself self-bashing, I appreciate something to contradict that. And it is working!
Isn’t it crazy that with all the moments we have each day to simply appreciate ourselves, we put it off! That alone tells us it does not make sense, and it is time to commit to appreciation as a loving way of being.
I keep coming back to this article as I am discovering there is no end to the amount of appreciation we can build for ourselves. Thank you Donna.
The first time I was asked to appreciate myself I simply did not know what to say. We are taught from young to look at what we do, to be critical and our natural ability to appreciate fades while we grow up. Learning to appreciate has been one of the biggest gifts in my life and my pathway back to love.
Today I am appreciating your blog Donna with all the comments that follow. I am appreciating that every moment of appreciation allows me to feel more of who I am and also appreciate the beauty in others.
I am appreciating that every moment of appreciation allows me to feel more of who I am….wise true words Victoria and absolutely divine to take into my day!
It’s true Leonne that keeping ourselves small by berating ourselves is an old pattern and a familiar one, for me too. Admitting where we’ve been is one thing, wallowing in it is another. It also serves to distract us while we still don’t take responsibility even though it looks like we have. It feels that true responsibility is full of appreciation for the amazing love that we are and living like we know and feel this.
I know at the start I felt that everyone was more amazing than me and now I see that letting go of comparison and knowing and feeling the equalness of everyone is part of the appreciation too.
It is great to be able to see that giving myself a hard time is simply ‘a pattern I use to keep myself small’. I can feel how attached I am to this pattern and that shows me that staying in this place is a comfortable choice. It makes sense that I often find it difficult to appreciate myself as I have run with this pattern for so long. I can see appreciation is the key to coming back to myself one step at a time.
Donna I “appreciate” your great sharing. I know it is something I need to do more of in my life , starting with myself and moving out from there to others. Appreciation is love.
Yes I am doing this with two people at the moment, one a friend and the other a client. Appreciation is making itself felt in all sorts of situations and I am definitely feeling more open and connected as a result.
I’ve recently put myself on an appreciation programme with a friend so it was awesome to read your blog now Donna to read of the way you appreciate yourself now and how that flows into your life. Appreciation is loving and much needed, i’m enjoying being more aware of the feeling of it in my body, so much nicer than the self-bashing programme that I was on before!
There is so much to appreciate about myself, but it is frankly shocking how little I do it! Consciously introducing it to my day in the same way as I clean my teeth has been a great way to slowly build my strength in the art of appreciation.
Appreciation does seem like a bridge to acceptance and also a confirmation of that is who I am.
When in appreciation of self, God, the Universe and the divine – you can’t help but be in appreciation of all, for we are the all – one and the same.
What I have found is that appreciating my connection with God is super powerful – in the sense of appreciating how clearly I can feel and read energy – and the fact that this doesn’t come from me, it’s a divine connection with God, and him sharing this wisdom with me, a wisdom we all have innately. In this simple appreciation the level of joy and expansion in my body is immense.
Beautiful Gyl and am inspired to feel my connection to God, where I am at today and to deeply appreciate this. It is subtle and powerful where I do not need to preach about it; I simply know and live it quietly.
Also a beautiful reminder that when I feel incredibly beautiful and there is so much joy within that this quality running through me does not belong to me but is there from God to be expressed and shared with the All; these moments are indeed to be appreciated… thank you Gyl for your sharing your comment.
Again I can relate to this “Whenever anyone would question me on something that I had done or said, I would be quick to doubt myself”. This doubt is nothing more than a game being played, fed by an energy/plane of life we may or may not be willing or want to acknowledge yet. When the truth, our absolute knowing, is delivered straight from God and our Soul, not one ounce of doubt comes with this.
“Because of this belief I often attracted situations and relationships where I was also given a hard time, which simply to me confirmed my belief that indeed something was wrong with me.” I can also relate to this; again a knowing game played deliberately, choosing to keep me small, so as not to have to take responsibility for my light, doing all that needs to be done and be in true service in this world.
We do indeed create hard times where life just seems to be a struggle but it is indeed our own making. To commit to surrendering to my essence within is the answer for me otherwise I will be forever at the mercy of what life throws at me. As I begin to gently surrender to a situation which I have been giving my power way to recently, I am being reminded from reading this beautiful yet very powerful blog of the importance of appreciating myself every step of the way.
” If something went wrong or if someone got upset, I would be the first person to put my hand up thinking it was my fault ” I can relate to this, but now I see it for the comfort it is, a knowing way to choose to not take responsibility for living our truth and light, the grandness we are from and here to reflect.
“Deeply appreciate all that ‘I am’” – this really speaks to me. I feel I have been giving too much weight and importance on what I am not. What is of love, what is of truth – that is what I appreciate and confirm. And I deeply appreciate myself for soaking in and appreciating what you have beautifully shared here. Thank you, Donna.
Awesome point Mary. lt feels so crazy how this insidious comfort can blind and block us to so much more true quality in life. Comfort is the great pretender!
Wow Donna, as I read your blog I could not believe how true every single sentence was for me. I could have sworn you took the words right out of my mouth. I too am witnessing miracles everyday since doing this process. We set it up on messenger on our phones and are rocking it. Beautiful discovering, awakening and claiming unfolding.
The most beautiful moments of self appreciation have revealed not only the joy I feel within, radiating out to others, it is this appreciation for the whole of humanity who are knowingly or unknowingly longing for true harmony.
I can certainly feel the more I appreciate myself the more I appreciate others. I have always felt the love and truth at the core of others even when they were not connected and living who they truly are and it is clear they were choosing to live life driven by their hurts are not their true self. This is something to be understood and not judged and sometimes I struggle with not going into judgement particularly with my own children. When I can let go of judgement and accept where we are all at in our lives, I don’t really need to understand and know why or what has happened in past lives to influence the perspective we have in our current lifetime. Offering true understanding and appreciation is so important with ourselves and others.
I can absolutely verify for the power of appreciation as you have shared Donna. Since first reading your blog I have been more vigilant with my daily appreciations and my husband and I have even been sharing daily with each other. It is gorgeous to feel the love we each have for our selves and each other first and foremost, even when tricky things come up to chat about.
The power of appreciation is right here in your words Donna…'”As I focus on seeing the beauty in me, I cannot help but see the beauty in those around me…” What an awesome program… the application of this program in many human relations setting would be transformational…
Yesterday I attended the Livingness 1 workshop (Universal Medicine) and we discovered together that the power of appreciation is in confirming the multi-dimensionality of our being, that we are so much more than our physical body and appreciation has the power to confirm that, by STOPPING to observe and describe a quality or detail of the way that we see our love and care being expressed or that of another. This love comes from the lightness of our being and is expressed through our physical body, it is our essence. We did some amazing yet very simple exercises to actually feel our essence and many felt the sadness that we do not express from this love in all that we do. I have awoken today with the simplicity and power of what was shared.
Appreciation when said from the heart absolutely from my experience had a multidimensional feel. This makes sense as we are being confirmed for then truth of who we are and what we are here to bring.
“As I have begun to deeply appreciate all that ‘I am’, the ‘what I am not’ has started to fade into the background.”
WOW. We are so tricked into thinking that we must focus on the problems and issues and yet if we focus on enjoying and cherishing all the amazing qualities that we are and express, this allows more of this amazingness to be expressed and gives us the strength to deal with the issues along the way. Appreciation in fact unleashes our power.
well said Emma, looking at problems and issues seems much easier then looking at how awesome we truly are. For me it has been daring to accept that I am so much more then I ever thought that has led me to appreciation.
When I realised how much focus there has been on the issues and problems I realised that this was actually much more comfortable then being glorious and radiant all the time. This may seems contradictory but as long as I had problems I had an excuse to not be fully responsible for my life and all that I created.
Being daring is needed to learn how to truly appreciate ourselves, for it is so normal in our world not to do it.
absolutely Heather, it is swimming against the current and it takes courage and perseverance to break the mood of keeping ourselves as less.
I love that you chose to share this with us Donna. I have seen a significant shift in you and your confidence over recent times which is super inspiring and sharing your discovery makes it accessible for us all.
Dear Donna, this is a very significant piece you have accessed and written. Since learning about the cycles of repose and action, I have been discovering the power of appreciation and applying it in my life. I must say, I love the idea of sending a text message each day to a friend! It makes it more of a commitment and also by sharing it, makes it more real.
My appreciation program also includes a walk. This walk can be long or short but its intention is to place myself firmly on this planet and truly appreciate who I am and what I bring. It’s amazing. Once a day and has changed my life. 🙂
Wow great sharing Kathryn. I too walk each day and walk in appreciation of me or feeling my body or making time to move gently or confirming what I bring. Now I will step it up and make it also part of my appreciation program intentionally so too. I can feel how powerful this will be.
I can feel how this is powerfully supportive. I walk everyday but from now my intention will shift. Inspirational thank you, ladies 🙂
Sometimes we miss out on the healing power of a walk because we associate walking with exercise and that it must be for a minimum duration and we can undervalue the power of a short 5-10 minute walk. I find walking gives me perspective and clears my head by immediately giving my body more of a forum to be listened to and an opportunity to be honest about how my body is feeling. Choosing to take a few minutes to walk and heal this way naturally leads to appreciating that this was chosen for myself – it’s win-win all round.
That is a great point you are raising Deanne, just this morning I was thinking, just 10 min. left, not really worth going for a walk, but then I did and it was so worth it.
Gorgeous Deanne. Walking is a forum for the body to be listened to.
It is definitely the Game changer, and I also feel that it takes some time to get to see all that I am, and not holding back what truly is me. As that is a big cause of the constant self doubt, not expressing all that is there.
I find the more I express, the more I want to truly express and the more truth there is to express is available.
It does take time to practice and grow our practice of appreciation, but it is a path well worth walking.
Donna, your blog has really exposed for me how much I need reminding of the importance of appreciation. Inspired by this blog, I have started a little mini program of appreciation and it is feeling like the more I appreciate the more room there is for more appreciation and with that is coming a deeper connection with myself.
I have also found this Fiona. Isn’t it interest and very sad that we are not taught from young to self appreciate. This I feel is the reason why we need reminding to do so and that it is of great value.
Deeply appreciating the love that is available will be for everyone an individual journey, mostly because we have all been hurt in different ways and so the road back will, for each of us, take its own twists and turns.
I’ve found and observed that the drops of appreciation we apply to ourselves each day nourish and bring out true beauty.
This is my experience too Rosanna. In am doing a business coach training and we were asked to nominate two things we don’t like about ourselves and than work on them. It did not feel right to look at myself finding issues which was great to feel and how far i am coming with my appreciation program. In the end i did not do the exercise.
Wow, that’s huge testament to the power of appreciation Janina
Yes, that exercise would be great reversed, nominate two things you appreciate about you and express those. We so often focus on what is not and try to ‘fix’ that, rather than what is, appreciating all we already are.
It is great when we appreciate ourselves this what i love about Jean Gamble in her presentations. She always starts her presentations saying how amazing she is and it is very true! Why hold back how amazing we are, lets share it with the world.
Today on my way back from work i called my partner and shared what an amazing day i had at work without perfection but the willingness to be me and to deal with everything.
And it was great to express my self appreciation to him. It is great to not hold back appreciation and to express it to others.
Absolutely Janina, it feels so awesome to not hold back appreciation. In the past I have held back quite a lot on appreciation because I have been concerned with how it would be received by others. Now I have a solid foundation of appreciation within myself, there is no more holding back on sharing this with others.
Appreciation IS medicine. I love the way that I feel inside when I am in touch with appreciation. My body feels light, my head clear and my chest open and warm. It is very, very healing and beautiful to live with appreciation and I LOVE it. I have also seen other people’s lives change through their choice to live with appreciation. We can always start small like Donna describes noting one or two things and from there feelings of appreciation just continue to grow!
A great point Shevon that appreciation is a good dose of medicine that we will feel the benefit if taken daily. What a wonderful bottle to have in our medicine cabinet alongside self-nurturing and self-love.
‘Appreciation IS medicine.’ This is going in my first aid kit and the toolbox.
I spent most of my time giving myself a hard time, feeling not good enough, did not know the true meaning of appreciation. But since my self unfoldment with the loving support of Serge Benhayon and his loving Teachings of the Ageless Wisdom, I am now able to appreciate myself and have been able to let go of the self bashing.
It is so lovely to read about how you have learnt and exposed such debilitating pattern that occurs for many people – it is amazing what appreciation can do!
” As I focus on seeing the beauty in me, I cannot help but see the beauty in those around me.” This is lovely Donna. This shows the value in truly appreciating ourselves. This is not selfish nor egotistical, truly appreciating ourselves brings appreciation to all around us.
Giving ourselves a hard time becomes a drama, for what is “beating ourselves up” but just that? I have experienced this most of my life, knowing very well the feeling of not having quite coming up to the perfection I sought, or realising what a mistake I had made, or seeming offence I had committed ,that created a sudden and shocking impact in my solar plexus that lasted for days. It became a three act play as I went over and over the situation in my mind, in agony and humiliation. How damaging and unloving this is, and it affects everyone else too. Since meeting Universal Medicine slowly I have been able to let go and start recognising how I have been making these seemingly big but actually very little incidents more important than the rest of my day, month or year that have been full of good things, and things well done. To follow your suggestion Donna and start to appreciate two things about ourselves that we appreciate each day starts to build a firm foundation, and those dramatic reactions gradually fade and lose their power.
Yes Joan isn’t it interesting how we can focus on the things that don’t seem to work when we have so much else to appreciate? We deny ourselves the joy that it is to be imperfect and therefore forever evolving.
This is wisdom Kathryn, for how can we evolve if we are stuck in the perfection ideal? It means not allowing our fragility and vulnerability, the very qualities in us that support us to evolve by accepting all of ourselves, the imperfections and the immense love.
Donna there are so many powerful statements you have made in this blog. Thank you for taking the time to appreciate you and with this inspire us all.
Yes, I was totally inspired by this blog and all of the comments!
I am finding it so beautiful and life changing by bringing appreciation into my life and understanding its true value. As it grows with myself so to does my appreciation for everyone and everything else and this really does change my body how it feels and the joy and contentment within. A beautiful blog Donna.
It is so interesting to see that the more we bash ourselves for things the more crap comes our way… And the more self loving we are, then more loving things will come to us!! Let’s be more appreciative for who we are and celebrate it daily 💝
Love what you have shared here Alexandre, if only we could have that awareness when we are in those moments of self critique or self bashing and knowing that in doing so, as you say, it just has a habit of bringing more of the same with it. But when we are self honouring and self loving, more and more things come our way that are of the same in a very great way. Just reiterating that the energy you align to matters.
It’s true Alexandre, we bash ourselves, or even don’t appreciate, and drama and difficulty seem to follow us like a bad smell. It is time to walk a different path, and be willing to allow the time and grace for our experience of the world to change.
Giving ourselves a hard time seems like a world plague – so many people can relate to this experience. It doesn’t feel like a natural way of relating to ourselves but rather imposed and enforced, like a fog we are born into. Learning a true sense of appreciation and even self-love feels very different, such more akin to our innateness and a way of clearing away the fog.
I agree Richard, appreciation of each other is a natural way of expressing that we just need to give ourself permission to go there . We need to come back to our innate loving ways and let go of any learnt harmful behaviours.
“putting ourselves in the doghouse” is a place I hear a lot of people say they are hanging out! I know I lived with this belief for a long time. However now it feels selfish to live in this place and if most people are there, no wonder it feels yuk as its a bit crowded! Imagine if we all came out and lived in self appreciation as I am learning this is definitely a much more open space to be in as then we can appreciate others and they can see this is the way too. Thank you for the reminder that self appreciation is such an amazing way to grow for everyone.
We can really power ourselves up with appreciation, then add a drop of valuing ourselves and sprinkle some nurturing and self love, what a combination… Then there is no room for what isn’t love to get in.
This is an amazing recipe Matthew.
Beautiful, Mathew and everyone feels this very powerful emanation of who we truly are. This is brotherhood in action.
Love that recipe Matthew, I’m up for that, absolutely.
Indeed what a gorgeous recipe Matthew, one that I’m going to have for breakfast.
Wow, what a gorgeous recipe Matthew, ‘We can really power ourselves up with appreciation, then add a drop of valuing ourselves and sprinkle some nurturing and self love, what a combination…’ Must add this one to my collection, so full of love.
I agree Donna, the more I appreciate myself the more I appreciate others. I now see the goodness and beauty in others first. This is so different from the past when I would see is their faults first or what I deemed was wrong with them. Such a simple shift in focus makes a huge difference I now know no-one has faults we are all in essence the same and I am able to appreciate their unique qualities.
Yes Mary-Louise, seeing others faults or choices and focussing on that, is a great deflection technique that I knew so well, the only problem with that is that nothing gets resolved as the issue is still there to be dealt with. It is so lovely now to appreciate others and see them as totally equally loving human beings, this leaves so much more space to know truth and come to an understanding of the person or situation.
I love how how you have used the words ‘the goodness and beauty’ in others Mary-louise. This we all know to be the truth.
Well said Mary-Louise it really does create a shift in our outlook and how we view ourselves and others when appreciation is our first thought and feeling. I too would hold judgement on others and make that the focus but now the more I appreciate me the more I see how incredible every single one of us naturally are.
yes it is such a simple but profound switch
Agree Doug if we do not judge another we give them space to consider their choice and possibly get honest and make a different choice.
This is huge for me Mary-Louise, ‘no-one has faults we are all in essence the same and I am able to appreciate their unique qualities. ‘ Up till now, I haven’t understood that we don’t have faults, as I too, have always focussed on what is not ‘right’, either in myself or in others. This just shows the fact that i have believed there is ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ and ‘good and bad’ in us. Your comment stops me in my tracks. I have only come to the realisation recently that actually we are born amazing. Yes, we make mistakes, yes we have adopted behaviours and made choices that don’t reflect our natural loving being. No wonder that up till now, I have had trouble with appreciating myself, when I didn’t believe i was amazing in my core. This is so great to recognise! Another ‘belief’ bites the dust! yay…
Thank you!
That is so cool Michelle. l have had difficulty initiating the appreciation process due to being so ‘ingroaned’ (deliberate typo) in my self-bashing momentum. lt has been an incredible eye opener for me. I was perpetuating playing ignorant and small to stay in the comfort of that diminishment.
Truly irresponsible. Even in writing these words l can feel how easy it is for me to focus on the ‘what is not’. With more awareness of this way of being l am transforming.
It is huge what is shared in this thread, ‘Knowing that no one has faults but rather is just choosing to be less than they really are in that moment, allows one to develop a greater understanding and to avoid making judgements of others.’ Beautiful, simply beautiful, and,
‘if we do not judge another we give them space to consider their choice and possibly get honest and make a different choice.’ How liberating is this.
That’s an awesome understanding Doug . ”Knowing that no one has faults but rather is just choosing to be less than they really are in that moment, allows one to develop a greater understanding and to avoid making judgements of others.”This is based on the understanding that each of us is a loving , knowing being, but for whatever reasons, are not choosing to act like that in the moment. This statement is a game changer for me in terms of how I relate and speak with my children. Thank you deeply Doug!
This too has been my experience – to appreciate the inherent beauty in all people and their Godliness in place of critiquing others and seeing first their faults rather than the true them. Appreciation has changed this for me also – deeply appreciating myself, my life and my Divinity for in the past, i was seeing life through a filter of my own self-condemnation.
Absolutely Deborah “seeing life through a filter of my own self-condemnation”. Having done this myself I can now easily see and feel this when others do this and can bring understanding when they choose to find fault and stay small. This understanding also allows me to not judge, but to simply offer a reflection that there is another choice that can be made.
True Donna – seeing that a behaviour is an expression of an ill or a healing energy allows us to not take life personally. To see that we too have chosen ill-ways and expressions and equally may align to Love and express our true essence. It is so important to reflect one’s true essence to offer another a true choice and reminder of the Grandness we are.
This is my experience as well, and I am changing it so that I can see just how amazing people are and how much I can learn from them.
This has been my experience too Mary-Louise, it is amazing by how starting to appreciate yourself changes what you see in other people, truly magical.
Yes it is truly magical to see the essence of a person first then see what is not who they are next. Really it is a natural way of living but having not lived this for so long I am still in awe.
I find that the cycle of appreciating myself and then appreciating others and vice versa adds a depth to appreciation that extends it beyond the individual and can take in all of humanity. Sometimes if I find it difficult to appreciate myself, appreciating another will snap me out of lack of appreciation for myself.
“As I have begun to deeply appreciate all that ‘I am’, the ‘what I am not’ has started to fade into the background. It is something that I need to lovingly work on, but I no longer identify with it as who I am.” This line stands out to me as I have previously always focused on the negatives in me and looked for issues I need to resolve. Since changing my focus to self-love and appreciation my appreciation and understanding of others has deepened through my expression comes from more loving.
This is still a work in progress for me as I appreciate all the amazing qualities of being me. The what is not seems to always stick out a bit more, but it is lessening. I agree with your observation Margaret and find that as I am more self appreciative and less self critical I am less critical of others too.
Agreed Lee, appreciating ourselves supports us to not only love ourselves more but equally love and appreciate everyone else around us. I really appreciate the fact that I daily get an opportunity to appreciate my commitment to expression through reading and commenting on the blogs and at the same time get an opportunity to appreciate all the other amazing people all over the world who are expressing on them either as an author of a blog or comment writer. It is beautiful to feel and connect to and know how deeply connected we really are!
Absolutely Brendan. When appreciation becomes part of everyday life then the whole of who we are becomes much more tangible and what we are not will not only never become the all, it will be standing out like a black stain on a white sheet and therefore easy to identify for what it is.
“I have spent most of my life giving myself a hard time, I can relate to these words as I too have done the same. Love feels so far away when we are stuck in this cycle. Funny how the very thing that we let go if is the very thing that brings us back. Love.
I also have done the same and continue to struggle at times with beating myself up, this blog is awesome in helping to overcome that behaviour.
Agreed Joe, and reading all the comments is super supportive as well.
This is such a great blog to come back to and re-read as it appears at this stage of my evolution I can’t be reminded enough to let a little self-appreciation into the fold on a regular basis. Too often I slip back into Kev-bashing which to be quite honest is never something I enjoy.
Yes I agree Kevin, it is great to revisit appreciation over and over again particularly when we feel the inkling of self-bashing creep in. I have been playing a bit of the last couple of weeks of not just self-appreciation, but opening up to the wonderment of all that is around me which is taking my self-appreciation to another level of appreciation of the All.
I, too, have found it very supportive to revisit this blog and your expansive comment, Donna, does take appreciation deeper.
That’s an awesome choice Donna. Why rest at appreciation? Letting it evolve and grow is only natural. I look forward to applying this next level of love to my life.
I like that Donna, ‘opening up to the wonderment of all that is around me which is taking my self-appreciation to another level of appreciation of the All.’
Appreciation is particularly supportive when we’re ill and may be not be feeling ourselves. Reminding ourselves that we are divine, beautiful and complete connects us to what is true.
I agree Kev. It is a familiar pattern for me to fall back into also. I have put myself back on the appreciation program that Donna had shared in her blog. It feels really lovely to recommit to this again.
Yes, I feel we can all use the reminder as appreciation is not at all part of our daily life. We mostly focus on what is not good so re-reading these blogs are very supporting.
I felt to revisit this blog again this morning, as I had a situation creep in yesterday where I have had an inkling of the self-beating energy wanting to rear its head. The lovely thing is that I am now able to catch it quite quickly and see what is playing out. Upon this realisation, I then have the choice to come back and deeply appreciate all that I am, staying with confirming me. I can see the self-beating is simply a tactic that my spirit uses to put the brakes on my natural expansion.
Can sooo relate to this Donna, I was struggling a bit last week and at some point noticed that I was not appreciating enough and I could feel the impact of this. What I also noticed then is that I started to compare with others, which makes things only worse….But the lovely thing is, we can start brand new in every moment and make new choices. So today I feel great and with so much appreciation and it feels absolutely wonderful. Nothing outside myself changed, it is me who made another choice.
I am realising that unless I commit to appreciation on a daily basis it can easily slip under the radar. Having felt the expansion that comes from appreciation it is an ingredient that I make sure is now part of my daily diet. I’m feeling a deeper level of appreciation for just how much appreciation offers.
Me too Donna, it is a every day choice and commitment. Like you, it does easily slip under the radar and when I write this, I am wondering: why do we let supporting and loving things so easily slip?
Thank you for this blog and these comments. I was struck by how much we need to appreciate and how little is actually done. And how much lack of self-worth rules our lives – it is a global epidemic. But slowly we are turning the tide and appreciating ourselves is the way forward. I like Donna how you talk about that self-bashing is a sneaky way our spirit keeps us small and not living the true glory that we are. It is a good expose.
Yes it is a global epidemic and that makes it even more important to appreciate ourselves and others every single day. Then at some point, we walk in appreciation and this is felt by everybody.
l agree Mariette and l am greatly inspired by this wonderful truth, “Along with the appreciation of myself also has come hand in hand a deeper appreciation of others. As I focus on seeing the beauty in me, I cannot help but see the beauty in those around me. My foundation is shifting quickly and I now see how giving myself a hard time no longer serves me.” lt has begun to work its magic on me also, with regard to others.
Yes I experienced this yesterday, I felt so much appreciation and this is exactly why I got back from people around me. I have these days more and more, where I feel how the appreciation I carry for myself has a ripple effect on others. It is all a reflection.
Yes, that’s so true Mariette we focus on our problems or issues and give ourselves a hard time for not being up to scratch when with appreciation we can turn this thought pattern on it’s head.
I agree Kev it’s great to have a reminder now and again, and at times much needed. One thing I clocked the other day was how if I went into any slight form of disapproval about myself, then this is the same as self bashing but less obvious. Self-appreciation is helping me to see and feel more of the subtle forms of self abusive talk.
Thank you for writing so honestly about self-doubt and how it can absolutely take over and make us feel that we are worthless. It is a journey to bring ourselves back to truly appreciating ourselves again when this happens. As Donna suggests perhaps committing to appreciation on a daily basis is the way.
I agree Kevin, self appreciation can never get old and there can never be enough of it!
Absolutely Sally! lt is most liberating to declare whole-heartedly, “No more doghouse for me!” This also resonates for me as l did not fully realise this, ” I found that my innate way of being really is to express from this appreciation.” You mean it is possible and l have simply been focusing on the opposite expression?
Yes I agree Kevin, this blog is a great reminder to appreciate self, others and the world around us. Self bashing, criticising and analysing is so destructive and at times spills over wider than just self. Donna’s blog, and your comments, are an inspiration to recommit to appreciation on all levels.
Ain’t that the truth Kev… Self-bashing may offer momentary relief but it is never truly, or can ever, be filled with joy.
Absolutely agree kevmchardy an awesome blog that reminds us to appreciate and love who we are and to let go of the self-doubt and self-bashing that stops us from living our amazingness in the world!
Beautiful Kev, Kev-bashing might not be something enjoyed, but it is familar and well-known. Appreciation can take us to new depths of awareness and understanding which are wondrous to feel, but also herald the start of steps into unknown uncharted territory – at least we may think so, but actually when we take the steps, it is bringing us home to something we have always known.
Giving ourselves a hard time seems to be something a lot of women do, I know I used to do it without really realising it but it now feels so self deprecating and unnecessary, and if I catch myself doing it I soon stop. I have noticed self bashing allows others to join in and be part of it, so all it does is confirm my lack of self worth. Bringing appreciation into my life has changed my life completely and I thank Serge Benhayon and the esoteric women’s groups for the support with this.
It is incredible to read everyone’s comments here and just how common the self-bashing has been for many of us. A sure way to hold us back from evolving if we are listening to that ongoing internal dialogue. We can see then the power of appreciation and what it brings to us all not just individually, but collectively.
Yes, unfortunately all too common Donna. Appreciation honours the truth of who we are and that also honours the truth in another. It ignites the love within us.
What a great way to live, appreciating our lifes and seeing the little imperfections of what they are, little imperfections. This supports a way to surrender more to the love which is deep inside of us.
‘appreciating our life’ there is so much to appreciate and in this appreciation the surrender to the love comes easily.
I feel when I appreciate the unique expression I bring, it instantly has a connection that dispels the meandering a of my head to denigrate and deride. It is not possible to continue to self bash when a loving connection is our choice.
For me self-appreciation has been a wake up call to the truth that I have been very judgemental and at once the antidote to this ailment. It has not just quietened the inner-critic but also arrested my pattern of judging others for what I deem loveless actions. In this way developing self-appreciation has been monumental in changing my relationships and also the opportunity to serve others on a much grander scale. Thank you Serge Benhayon for bringing this simple practice to our attention because self-appreciation is the love bomb we have all been waiting for.
The fact is there are many things, beliefs and habits in our lives that are not right. Critique and being hard on ourselves is an attitude many of us have grown up with intimately, to the extent that it seems ‘natural’ to do. But as you show Donna, this is simply not true. It is beautiful how as you illustrate, appreciation opens the door to another way – one that confirms and supports us to learn and grow. Right now I am appreciating you and your words, thank you.
Me too Joseph, Donna you show another way that is truly loving and honouring of who we are in truth, so very beautiful. Thank-you.
True Joseph and the being hard on ourselves belongs in the same category of the beliefs that do not come from who we truly are. It is an adopted way of being that you will never ever see in a baby or an infant.
What a great point Carolien, we have adopted lack of appreciation as a way to keep us from connecting to the glorious beings we are. Children are a natural loving reflection for us.
I just want to say thank you Donna, for your inspiring blog, appreciation is one of greatest gifts you can yourself or another. Sadly society is currently more in blame mode than appreciation but when we take control like you have Donna and make appreciation a daily natural thing life becomes a living joy rather then a sludge we are fighting to get through.
I still have to stop me from giving myself a hard time sometimes, so engrained is the habit. Appreciation of myself and my choices is becoming a daily ritual that I enjoy, like giving myself a little hug inside, we are worth it. Thanks Donna, for helping me set up this pattern.
Beautiful to connect with your blog again Donna – and to see how resistant I have been to appreciating myself, as each time I read it I say I will commit – and yet it seems to drop to the bottom of my list. There is a great element of delay in the way that I live – a delay in fully claiming who I am and my place in the world. No more delay – and that will be my first appreciation for today!
Appreciation of self – not something often considered in a world that seems to label every inner action as being narcissistic. But why should we not appreciate ourselves more deeply? If we did so, we would have a far greater capacity to appreciate others and to appreciate life.
“Giving myself a hard time was part of my foundation – so much so that until recently I didn’t even realise the extent to which I internally battered and beat myself”: I was also one who was an expert in self bashing to the extent it simply became normal, kicking in every time I went into self doubt, when I thought that I had done something wrong, or embarrassed myself in one way or another. Oh how I must have hurt myself, not realising that every time I did the hurt didn’t miraculously go away, but built up layer upon layer until the true me was well and truly buried. To have finally come to a place where I can now appreciate myself for the wonderful person I am, is like coming home to an old friend, one who I missed for a very long time.
What I am feeling is there is nothing personal about offering and receiving appreciation. There is this universality, the Godliness we recognise, and it happens to be in every person, everywhere we allow to let in and reflect back at us. It is a confirmation in both ways.
“As I have begun to deeply appreciate all that ‘I am’, the ‘what I am not’ has started to fade into the background. It is something that I need to lovingly work on, but I no longer identify with it as who I am.” This is such an important formula to change our lives from one of struggle, to one of joy. It is what we are all after, and a way to that joy in living is here, presented so simply.
I’m only just touching the surface of what true appreciation is. I’m realising there is such a depth to it and an embodiment that in turn offers me more opportunity to let go of all the rubbish that I have accumulated.
Donna reading this again I so understood how “giving myself a hard time was part of my foundation.” Now this is so true and what happens and it is only through the consistency of appreciation that really does change this to a foundation of love and appreciation and a new way of living and seeing both ourselves and others beautifully. Thank you
Thank you Brendan, for bringing appreciation back to the simple 🙂
Donna, it’s so easy to lose our steadiness and sense of ourselves when someone questions something we have done or said. I am inspired by your text message exercise of appreciation with a friend. It is a very real and tangible way of turning self-doubt into self-appreciation.
Wouldn’t it be amazing to be shown how to truly appreciate ourselves from a young age and through school? We would have a world of people who appreciated themselves and those around them.
As it is when we play small because of lack of appreciation we are continually seeking comfort from the outside to fill the gaps inside and we use tools such s jealousy and comparison to feel better about ourselves. No wonder we are in a bit of a mess but Universal Medicine is showing us a different way and many of us are making choices to live differently.
“My foundation is shifting quickly and I now see how giving myself a hard time no longer serves me. It was a pattern that I chose as a way of keeping myself small, of not showing the world the glory of who I really am.” – Donna, it’s like putting ourselves into a box and not allowing ourselves to come out of it … appreciation is the way to break the pattern where we give ourselves a hard time.
I can feel how much it is needed to start talking to other people about appreciation of self and others, as it is still an absolute taboo.
My depth of appreciation has grown within the last weeks and it feels like a foundation i am building. Which is carrying me beautifully to grow and expand.
‘Along with the appreciation of myself also has come hand in hand a deeper appreciation of others. As I focus on seeing the beauty in me, I cannot help but see the beauty in those around me.’ – It is amazing what truly appreciating oneself brings.
When in appreciation of ourselves we see life full of love and we are able to express this love to others. A couple of days a go I was reflecting on this during my morning walk and noticed the community gardeners cutting and pruning the bushes and sweeping the floor from leaves. Walking past I really appreciated the job they did, often out in the cold for many hours tidying up our city so I went back and told them that I appreciated them for the wonderful job they did, at first they were surprised but they could feel I was genuine and accepted my appreciation gracefully. Appreciation is a natural gift and if we at first don’t have it for ourselves then we are unable to express this to another.
Every time when something changed in my life I feel I was going back in an old pattern of trying to do everything perfect from the first day, for instance in a new job. So there was a lot of pressure involved and no appreciation for myself. Now I am learning to do it differently and I feel that in the case of changes in my life the foundation of appreciation is still there but I have to make the choice to deepen the relationship I have with self love and appreciation to support myself in every way.
Donna this line got me – “the appreciation of myself also has come hand in hand a deeper appreciation of others. As I focus on seeing the beauty in me, I cannot help but see the beauty in those around me.” – in the past if I were to of read this line I would have thought ‘oh yeah airy fairy nonsense…” but it totally is not. I recently have started to appreciate myself deeper than ever before and actually feel how incredibly yummy I am and I have to admit that I have started to view and see people with these same eye as I am seeing myself. I can’t help but see the beauty in people. It is incredible and so very simple. Who needs drugs! its just a choice to connect to this feeling that is on tap to us all.
This is something to take into my day. Appreciation becomes part of the way I am.
If we see, know and appreciate ourselves for the love we innately are then when ways of being present that are abusive/hurtful we are able to keep them in perspective not make them into a huge issue this way we are able to be grateful that it has been exposed so we can address the issue, let it go and make room for more love.
That’s it marylouisemyers keeping ” things in perspective not make them into a huge issue” yes it’s great to notice abusive/hurtful behaviours but we have an immediate choice … to feel and assess and either go into it and let it affect us or look at where it is coming from and stay with knowing our truth.
Agree Merrilee we need to read every situation and feel what is truly going on. This is easy if we do not take things personal and know that life is all about energy.
For many years if some-one would ask to talk with me I would wonder to myself what have I done wrong. This would be the first thought that would pop up. Since appreciating myself on a daily basis this has changed and now if some-one wants to talk with me this thought does not enter into my mind. This may not seem like much but for me it is a huge shift in how I see myself.
I know this one marylouisemyers and even though it has lessened, it still comes in sometimes at work…a great reminder for me to take the appreciation for myself deeper for all that I bring to work.
That is a beautiful sharing Mary-Louise, one that I can very much relate to. Just saying my name at times would be enough to make me wonder what I did wrong. Loving and appreciating myself has not only changed that immensely but is also helping me to be ok with making mistakes when it does happen.
yes Carolien this is the beauty of appreciating ourselves, as when we do make a mistake we do make our self wrong we simply see it as a learning and grow from the incident. Where as before I would make myself wrong and not learn the lesson that the incident was affording you.
good point Mary-Louise I would also be caught up in the being wrong and in that would be blind to the lesson that was on offer.
This is an inspirational sharing Donna! I can relate to giving myself HARD TIME and hiding behind the thoughts that I was not good enough. But I love what you have shared in the words ” As I focus on seeing the beauty in me I cannot help but see the beauty in those around me”.
It does seem as though from a young age we have cultivated a way of living where we hold ourselves as less to others, so suddenly appreciating ourselves initially takes some getting used to but it doesn’t take long before we start to feel the benefits and want to choose appreciation thoughts over the others.
I like what you have said Julie. Initially, it does feel clunky, like going back to work after a long break and finding it takes a few days to settle in again. There is something quite beautiful about self appreciation, it really fortifies from the inside out.
The simple gesture of appreciating ourselves offers a direct step inwards and towards ourselves, reconnecting us back to our body and sense of ourselves. This is indeed great medicine.
Going into doubt over what we know is true can be such an ingrained pattern that is ever more convincing within the tight and narrow confines of our mind the longer we allow the pattern and subsequent behaviours to be there unchallenged.
No wonder that it is hard work when we begin to challenge such patterns and introduce new behaviours that are supportive and loving; the old momentum is sluggish before it finally starts to loosen its grip.
I agree Alex at times it feels like wading through mud but if we persevere we come through to clear waters and begin gliding. It is like when you have not exercised for a long time and then begin. At first it is hard work, after a while it gets easier as your body adjusts and you get used to it and eventually as your body gets adjusted to it more you love it and it becomes a part of your daily rhythm.
This is mob experience Alex, almost feels like they have to rise up, grow bigger and appear stronger so that they can hold their false position of power – it is at these times we need to hold steady and allow the love to shine through as they then fall and diminish.
I agree Alex, it is like carving out a new trail. It is easy to get caught in the old one more at first as it is known and well established. But the more we keep choosing it, the clearer the new path will be carved and the easier it gets.
I love the analogy of the mob experience, that is exactly how it plays out and how it feels, we are bulldozed by our own creations. Standing up against the ‘bullies’ with love, consistency and understanding is key to tame and finally starve them.
Appreciating the great qualities that I do have and live (even if not perfectly) has really supported me too to let go of destructive internal head talk. Like you say Donna we can see our imperfections and things we need to develop or let go of without going into self-bashing.
An important step to changing patterns that don’t serve us is as you say Donna, saying “yes I have that pattern”, and noting it isn’t loving. From this understanding that the pattern isn’t supportive then the first step to changing it can be made.
I agree Heather, it is not about needing to change the pattern but about recognising that it does not support and is not loving. Changing a pattern then becomes making more loving choices. A very different approach.
I would always feel absolutely mortified if someone was upset by something I ever did or said, my intention is never to harm anyone, but what I am learning is that the harm we can do is not always as obvious as a hurtful comment or an accidental physical injury, we can harm people by the way we live. When we live in disregard, other people feel it, when we are angry or upset, even if we are not talking about it, we are living it and our movements are expressing it and others will get that too. It feels like an enormous task to live in absolute awareness of how our bodies are in every moment, because we have not been living like that, but we start with small steps and build the moments.
This line stands out to me: “Giving myself a hard time was part of my foundation – so much so that until recently I didn’t even realise the extent to which I internally battered and beat myself.” In the past my self -loathing has been huge, it drove me to only see the negative in myself and others. I also need to have this pointed out to me as it all felt such a big part of who I was I couldn’t see it for myself. Since I have leant to be more self-loving and gentle with myself I have learnt to appreciate myself more. In the progress I have developed a deep honouring connection with my essence where there is no room for the self-loathing self-bashing cycle to continue as a result I naturally appreciate myself most of the time. The joy and appreciation I feel in me extends in my reflection to others and opens my eyes to feel so much in others to appreciate.
I am experiencing this too Brendan. Where before I was looking for things in my day to appreciate, the choices I make, I am now expanding to feeling the connection and stillness within me and in that connection the appreciation shifts from something I do to a state of being.
What we focus our attention on will grow stronger, do we focus on our perceived shortcomings and mistakes in self criticism and abuse or do we focus on all that is there already in full appreciation of who we are an what we bring?
Totally agree Carolien, if we focus on the love that is already there, who we are and what we bring and deeply appreciate all this about our self this grows stronger and the self criticism and our perceived short comings fade into the back ground. So of course if we focus on the negativity this will grow bigger and bigger and the other fades. I know what I would choose!
Thank you for this Carolien such clarity on the simplest of things – what we put ourselves toward will be there waiting for us – we get to choose if it is loving or not.
what struck me in your comment Lee is ‘we get to choose’ it is the ultimate divine gift that we have this choice and it is an absoluteness that shows us we are always the ones responsible for everything we encounter.
Totally Carolien I love this ‘we are always the ones responsible for everything we encounter.’
Yes Donna – it ‘s amazing how good we can become at making ourselves small and for me this was is a way to hide and withdraw. I can now see how selfish and unloving this was both to myself and to the world as when I do not shine my light I am not available to reach out and inspire others.
Appreciation is the building of the foundation of expressing all of who we truly are.
Doing my appreciation program there is much going on. I put a flip chart sheet on my wall writing on the one side my partner name and on the other my own with the headline appreciation. A few days ago I wrote everything down I appreciate and love about my partner. I expressed a deep appreciation and honoring of who he truly is and his potential and the potential of our relationship.
Self appreciation as opposed to beating up on ourselves? hmm…doesn’t really need much thought does it?
So true Kevmchardy, it shows how if we are not with ourselves, we can just get taken over by thoughts that are not from our soul.
Thanks kevmchardy for this completely ridiculous choice that we have all become so practiced at – self love or self abuse.
Until I met Serge Benhayon and The Way of The Livingness, my self talk was awful, my self appreciation was scrappy and totally based on what I could do and not the gorgeous qualities I have and I was adrift. Now my life has changed immensely. My self appreciation expands daily and does not rely on any activity I might be good at, my self talk is beautiful and encouraging and my life is joyful. My understanding of love grows all the time and I have the wonderful support of so many amazing blog writers and all who write comments as well as everybody who lives their true selves and shines their amazing light. How blessed I feel and how blessed we all are to have this amazing support from Serge Benhayon and each other. Thank you.
It’s interesting that we can use this idea of being honest and beating ourselves up about things – under the guise of being honest, when all it does is keep us small. It is so much more honest to build appreciation for ourselves and therefore really begin to see and appreciate everyone and the love that is true.
Making a commitment to walking daily and truly walking with me has made a significant difference in being able to self appreciate more deeply. It seems that the more consistent I am with actions that bring me back to my body, it has steadily allowed me to see and feel ‘the what is me’ and the ‘what is not me’ very clearly. It has allowed me to then choose the what is me and appreciate that part of me rather than everything else being in the way of feeling and appreciating the love, the joy, the sparkle that just is.
I love how you opened the blog: “I have spent most of my life giving myself a hard time. If something went wrong or if someone got upset, I would be the first person to put my hand up thinking it was my fault – even if it wasn’t.” I find this quite relatable and learning how important it is to stay honest, receive the learnings, yet back myself and not go into self-doubt when others react.
Very inspiring to read your journey from a victim role to somebody who claims his own light and grandness. I find it very amazing, the stronger your real you is getting, the less you put up with ill behaviours. Game over for – making myself small. It is time to shine and not to hold back our grandness.
I have started to send an appreciation text to my mum everyday and she to me, its a beautiful way to confirm the what is true and is also helping us to deepen our relationship. The power of appreciation breaks through old tough momentums and offers such healing.
What a beautiful way to show your mum how much you love her….I’m deeply touched by this samanthaengland.
Beautiful… feeling the power and healing of this samamthaengland.
I love the idea of an appreciation pathway. Each day creating the next steps in what we choose to appreciate and the depths we are willing to go to.
“As I have begun to deeply appreciate all that ‘I am’, the ‘what I am not’ has started to fade into the background” – I feel this really is the key. So often we get recognition for what we do and achieve, and the world tends to value and reward a person on what they do and it is very easy for us to get identification with it. What we want is who we truly are to be let out more, and more. And that is the part we appreciate. The more I appreciate what I truly am, the less it becomes about me, it is more about what is universally and commonly within every single one of us, and because of that, it becomes more important that I appreciate my part of it, and keep it nurtured and loved as my responsibility.
“As I have begun to deeply appreciate all that ‘I am’, the ‘what I am not’ has started to fade into the background. It is something that I need to lovingly work on, but I no longer identify with it as who I am.” This is something I have been working on too, the more I am able to appreciate all of me, what I am not is fading away and the more joyful my life is becoming. Appreciating self is so important, something I never did before.
Amita it goes to show that we can change very quickly our habits or what we have allowed in the past as soon as we put who we are first. And it starts with appreciating who we are in full. Like you I did not do this before, and since changing this, I can really start to value who I am, and then value other people for who they are.
Thanks Brendan. This reminds me that we need to appreciate who we are not what we do. There is so much that we take for granted. I have been feeling awful the last few days and it seems there is not a lot to appreciate but your words remind me this simply isn’t true.
Thank you Donna. I have been so resistant to appreciating myself ….and loving myself has seemed impossible at times. I can feel I have had an investment in keeping myself down. Your article shows me that I can begin to arrest this by starting small with a commitment to arresting this pattern.
Starting with those small steps of appreciation is such a supportive way to begin to arrest the destructive patterns we have allowed to rule our lives Leonne, and before you know it the appreciation expands exponentially becoming a natural part of our way of living. We have so much to appreciate when we stop and take a long, loving and honest look at the truly amazing person we are.
Thank you for that lovely reminder Ingrid. I have been struggling to appreciate myself in the last 48 hours and I am going to sit and feel a couple of things I appreciate about myself right now inspired by your comment.
Appreciation is such a “game changer” So inspired by what you share with us all Donna that I daily write two sentences of appreciation about myself and exchange this with friends. This is so revealing and just as you share so much dwelling inside of me ‘waiting to burst out’ a very supportive and inspiring way forward. I can certainly feel a shift and letting go of old patterns which stifle and suppress.
Appreciation is the antidote for a lot. For me it showed me a way to a deeper acceptance of myself and what I bring naturally by just me and not in my doing. It has been a gateway to standing deeper on my feet with a feeling of this is me and loving this ‘me’ in full. And yes, it opens the way to appreciate and love others equally.
I started to appreciate everything I am feeling in my body,be it a warmth, or parts which feel cold without judgement, just with the interest what my body is showing to me. This has changed the attitude with myself. Instead of acting in a disrespectful way with myself, there is now much more love, care and understanding towards myself.
Kerstin I know exactly what you mean as I did the same – acting disrespectful. To appreciate everything I am feeling in my body – good or bad – is very powerful as it stops this old pattern of bashing and harming myself.
Thank you Kerstin, and I agree Ester this feels very powerful to start with, to really appreciate all that my body is telling me, very inspiring.
Appreciation is huge and I totally agree that it is something that needs to be lovingly worked on, and to no longer identify with what I am not as who I am. We are the ones that can break this cycle of generations after generations of not know how to or embarrassed to or afraid of what people will think if we give this loving attention to ourselves. We have so much inside of us that is utterly gorgeous, tender and loving so it is only natural to celebrate and enjoy this, not squish it out by thoughts that shut it down.
Loved your comment Natalie “We are the ones that can break this cycle”. The more we allow self-love and self-nurturing into our way of living daily, appreciation will just keep on expanding and I feel to continually live in this way just like the sun rising it will shine and flow so naturally. (not to be squished out by thoughts that shut it down) Appreciation is a pathway to love. Thank you Donna.
I just loved re-reading the quote “no more dog house for me”. This again reminds us that the choice is there to feel the doubt that can crawl in when we choose appreciation.
I am learning to appreciate myself more in life and at first it was uncomfortable for me to express in this way but now I can feel how it truly supports me to deepen the love for myself and then share this in all my relationships.
Thank you Donna for a great blog, I am amazed that as I appreciate myself more the self bashing and criticism is starting to lose its hold over me, and the love I have for myself and others is growing.
I have given myself the opportunity to truly appreciate the amazing man I am rarely. Even with the work of Serge Benhayon it is like there has been a default trip switch when it comes to deeply appreciating me. The falseness is realised here in this approach for days go by when you actually ‘think’ that you can appreciate others, the things in life around you, yet there comes a day when this is felt as a false too – for if there has been no true appreciation of yourself there can in fact be no true appreciation of anything else. After reading this blog I have been inspired to at least practice the art of appreciation – twice daily texting my wife two things about me I appreciate and two things about her. This has only been for a few days and already I can feel a shift. Something for me to deeply practice and I appreciate that I am now taking this to heart and loving myself more.
I can feel the truth of what you share here Lee. I can see very clearly that the way I appreciate anything outside of me is empty and false if I do not truly appreciate myself. I can see that appreciation transforms our relationship with ourselves and the world.
Learning to appreciate has been eye opening to say the least – today I appreciated that I came home tired from work and rather than eat to stimulate me and carry on doing – I lay myself down with my eye pillows and had a lovely nap. Rejuvenated and rested I can move into the rest of the day and feel what to eat rather than eat whatever I could get my hands on. This is so minor on one level but I have got to say for me this is a new frontier and I am enjoying the ride.
‘…’feeling truly blessed to be me.’ This is such a powerful statement of self appreciation Brendan and I can feel the knowing of who you are in there too. What confidence that gives me and all who cross your path! The more we feel the blessing of who we are the more contagious it is because this appreciation is the truth of who we are.
‘As I have begun to deeply appreciate all that ‘I am’, the ‘what I am not’ has started to fade into the background.’ I resonate with this statement Donna and know that it is only by developing my relationship with myself that this can continue to occur. To deeply appreciate myself is tantamount to breathing if I am to fully develop my expression and the love I know I am made of. It begins to clearly separate the self doubt and ‘what is not’ from the absoluteness of ‘what is’.
Beautiful, thank you Brendan
Self appreciation is most definitely the way forward. Only yesterday I was sharing with someone that it is the only thing that can bring me out of a whirlwind of doubt. Powerful blog Donna, thank you.
Appreciation really is the key. It blows all the cobwebs of self-doubt and criticism away and brings us right back to the truth of what’s going on. And those heady cobwebs that hang around give us an opportunity to go deeper in our appreciation.
Great blog Donna. Self-Appreciation is easily overlooked and dismissed, yet it has enormous positive affect on our health, wellbeing,and self care.
Donna I love the sound of this appreciation text exercise you share. I am going to try sending my first one soon after I wake up so that my day starts with appreciation.
‘Giving myself a hard time was part of my foundation – so much so that until recently I didn’t even realise the extent to which I internally battered and beat myself’ Donna it’s so true that when something feels fundamental to who we think we are, it feels as close to us as our own skin, until one day we are able to get some distance between us and the behaviour and then we are able to lever it off with our awareness.
Appreciation is something that doesn’t always come naturally. We build up so many barriers or protections, be hard on ourselves, our one worst enemies. But when one deeply appreciates, it can be a game changer, as you have described Donna. As you say, when we begin to deeply appreciate ourselves, we then have so much capacity to deeply appreciate others.
Yes agreed Raegankcairney, we not only have the capacity to deeply appreciate others, but life and all of what it brings us too. The ability to appreciate all the great things, and all the seemingly not-so-great things is part of the healing appreciation offers.
The self-abusive self-talk that can happen in our heads is pure poison for our bodies. In my work with children I see little people as young as five talk harshly to themselves for not getting things just right. And I have observed that learning how to self-talk with understanding and care can only come from the role models that we have, so as adults we have the great responsibility of making sure that our own self-talk is something we would like to pass on to the children in every one of our societies.
With the way we’ve been so societally conditioned from young, to actually be able to hold our worth intact, no matter what we may face, is something I’ve only been able to do by embracing self-appreciation. Without this, it’s all too easy to focus upon where we see ourselves as ‘not enough’, and neglect (or even negate) the amazingness we bring to our every day.
There is just so much to truly celebrate about ourselves, and quite some cultural shift to bring about through us all embracing the opportunity to do so!
Appreciating ourselves is a powerful choice we can make at any moment, isn’t it Donna… I’ve been working and playing with this for some time also – have to say that it (and ‘I’) am still a work in progress, but that my relationship with self-appreciation has deepened immeasurably in recent years.
Whenever I feel challenged, it is where I ‘go to’ in myself. In instances where there is something I find difficult, or that I’ve apparently ‘got something wrong’… if I stop and actually appreciate my willingness to be open, learn, assess what comes my way, everything changes. This has helped me also, to personalise things far less, and not lose myself in a barrage of self-condemnation in insecurity, just because I’m simply learning.
Fabulous blog Donna Gianniotis. Appreciation is most definitely “a pathway to a deeper level of love”. What you’ve shared here is something we’ve been inculcated with in our societies, the idea that we are ‘never enough’, alongside the notion that it’s somehow sinful to deeply appreciate and truly love oneself. There are definite underpinnings from the influence of the catholic church here – that we are somehow more worthy in suffering and the martyrdom of self-denial.
I am inspired to appreciate myself all the more deeply after reading your blog Donna, thank-you.
Victoria Carter this is unfortunately how I have subscribed to life (if not lives) dependant on struggle and sympathy – someone else to see the potential and pull me out of the mess. What I am discovering with and through the work of Universal Medicine is that appreciation releases you from these ties of old and allows the true you to stand unwavering in the world.
We get to see that the self-denial has been a game we’ve been very adept at playing, don’t we Lee. If not very comfortable at playing – for it brings its own kind of attention. Oh, for the complicated webs we weave!
“I could do better” is a self-berating very common to us, it comes from the energy that I am not good enough to begin with, and an ingrained self-bashing that goes on auto-pilot and is insidiously hidden and dressed as self-motivation to achieve more. This doing more is never true, as it did not come from our fullness but a lack. What is there to appreciate you may ask, when we are so ingrained in feeling we could be more? Lots! So much to appreciate first and foremost of being aware that all this is going on, the willingness to look deeper, the responsibility to consistently choose again more loving patterns. Appreciation is a natural given when love is felt running through our bodies.
Awesome to read this Adele thank you for your hot tips to appreciation.
It is such a devious trick that we play on ourselves, to disguise the self-abusive bashing of “must do better” and “not good enough” as a noble quest for achievement and betterment.
I love the revelation that you have presented, Adele: that appreciation is an endless stream which builds the love we feel, and innately are.
Self-appreciation begets more appreciation and it also opened in my experience a clearer and deeper picture of my ingrained pattern of self-critique, this has brought the awareness that appreciation can be chosen as the antidote to every ocassion when doubt enters. Appreciating the self-awareness and the ability to read what is true consistently will rebuild a new momentum in the body.
What I have found and felt today is I am using the word appreciation but not really feeling this. It seems quite superficial. Great to see as it shows me I have more to feel and act on.
I agree, Vicky, I found it can be a word I use that can come without true feeling however I know this is simply because it is a way of expressing that has been dormant for a long time and is simply a little rusty. So I accept I am taking the first steps to it being a natural part of my expression with self and others and am appreciating making this choice to change 🙂
Making the commitment and having the will and intention to genuinely heal the sabotaging behaviours seems key. And understanding it may take some time and appreciating each gentle step we take in that direction, being mindful we don’t give ourselves a hard time about the journey along the way as it is a cunning way to undermine and undo the appreciation!
Self-sabotaging thoughts are a default pattern many of us experience. Society does not support self-appreciation – but what ever the reason, once we expose it in ourselves it is a day to be joyful and then take the next step of responsibility to curb the default behaviour. This has taken me some time; I seemed to be quite attached to it! Clearly I was comfortable feeling small – but Donna you have shared a way to move forward with this. Thank you.
How incredible I read this on the day I start an appreciation program, emailing a few friends what I appreciate about myself.
I appreciate this confirmation and my commitment to deepening the self love and self care for myself.
This is such a gorgeous sentence – ‘One can not keep the embers burning if no fuel is added.’
Yes Sally this sentence not only speaks to me of the deep appreciation of my worth but also the responsibility I have to keep my own fires burning and brightening the light I already am!
That is a beautiful line and is contagious…the warmth of this loving fire ignites others.
Yes Sally, the responsibility is with us to keep the fire burning brightly.
Self-appreciation is a powerful medicine indeed, and it really feels like it is the antidote to any form of self-sabotage. Thank you for your sharing in this blog Donna
Donna, I loved how you actually wrote down two things that you appreciated about yourself each day. The more we appreciate ourselves, the more confident we become to be our true selves.
Well said Sally. We have it all there to appreciate already. It is not really to be gained as such.
‘Giving myself a hard time was part of my foundation – so much so that until recently I didn’t even realise the extent to which I internally battered and beat myself.’ It is with the awareness of this that we begin to break down those old foundations to build anew.
That is so true Michelle we need awareness to start to change. Awareness opens our eyes so to speak and can give us the possibility to see the whole game we are trapped in – with that we invite ourselves to change.
..yes and with awareness we can start to uncover why we can be so hard on ourselves and why we have such un-realistic expectations on ourselves, the false ideals we should be more than we are.
Good point Victoria without being so hard on ourselves or having such un-realistic expectations we would live a life of loving ourselves first and that is really not a bad outlook or?
It is beautiful to know that there is a pathway to love and that one of the key ingredients on that pathway is learning to appreciate ourselves first and through that learning to appreciate and love others.
Yes very refreshing isn’t it Elizabeth… a key ingredient to developing love is learning to appreciate ourselves. Not IMPROVE ourselves, as we are sold everywhere from fashion magazines, to beauty salons, to the entire spiritual new age/self-help movement.
Yes Elizabeth the true beauty of learning to appreciate ourselves is the fact that deep appreciation and love of others flows on from that learning.
It is beautiful to experience this Elizabeth, ‘there is a pathway to love and that one of the key ingredients on that pathway is learning to appreciate ourselves first and through that learning to appreciate and love others.’
After reading your blog Donna I was inspired to start a self-appreciation texting program with some friends. It is incredibly powerful, not only in the joy of developing self-love but also in highlighting the patterns of self-loathing that I have been running, and can now begin to clear with the appreciation antidote.
‘As I focus on seeing the beauty in me, I cannot help but see the beauty in those around me.’ I agree Donna, for those beautiful qualities in another now stare me in the face and appreciating what I see or feel in them in turn supports them and the ripple affect of appreciation is huge. What I really love about it all is how it feels to appreciate, my whole body feels it, it lets go and goes ahhh… it’s magic.
What an excellent blog Donna, self bashing, being hard on ourselves is as you stated ‘self abuse’…where we come down on ourselves in ways that for many of us we would never treat another with such bashings…appreciation is the healing ingredient, there is so much to appreciate about ourselves and it is a learning to truly embrace this…I love your statement
‘As I have begun to deeply appreciate all that ‘I am’, the ‘what I am not’ has started to fade into the background’.
I have found the more i appreciate, the less i am able to bash myself
Yes Karoline, as a seasoned self-basher I speak from experience also… appreciation is the game-changer. Learning to fill the gaps in a day with appreciation, rather than the usual negative self-talk that filters through between everything else, would go a long way towards building a very solid sense of who we are.
Thank you Donna – I too have been a self-basher and the result is that I do not ever give myself time to recover who I am. I too have begun to ‘appreciate’ all the beautiful things about myself and this is changing how I feel, although I feel a program of appreciation would be a great commitment to my unfolding path.
Me too Susan. It feels awesome to have moments of self appreciation, however I feel doing this on a consistent basis would be quite amazing and supportive. An appreciation program sounds like a good plan.
Thank you for your response Susie – it reminds me that there needs to be a congruency between my words and my actions as words become empty when the intention is not actioned – as is the case for me with appreciation…..
It is important to build in moments of self appreciation on a daily basis as there is often a tendency to look at the things which haven’t worked. We need to train ourselves to see and appreciate who we are and the beauty we are bringing. I have started an appreciation program and it feels supportive to deepen the relationship with myself.
Yes Susie, a program would be a great support and reminder to keep us appreciating every day. I feel different now in responding to this blog and have realised that I need to keep on appreciating every day as it plays a big part in my well-being.
Donna your blog is extremely powerful in what it presents. It’s the missing factor many miss in their journey to soul. I for one was and still am at times a self basher, and have seen the effects it has on my evolution. One can not keep the embers burning if no fuel is added.
Kim, I had also been in a self abusive relationship with myself. But now I see a set of scales and as I build appreciation, the abuse has deminished. It is now embers that try at times to flare up, but now it stands out in my face like a stop sign.
” I now see how giving myself a hard time no longer serves me. It was a pattern that I chose as a way of keeping myself small, of not showing the world the glory of who I really am.”- Donna I can relate to this pattern of disregarding or self-abusive behaviour.
I have found that The Way of the Livingness taught by Serge Behayon has transformed my life, likewise for thousands of students, with self appreciation and selfcare and self nurturing being key areas to be focusing on.
This is another great reminder on how important appreciation really is. It used to be days, weeks, months and even years when it would go by and not even a thought of an appreciation towards myself. This all stopped once I attended Serge Benhayon’s presentations. This is something that I never would have considered and if I did it would be towards someone and thinking they are full of themselves. Now I have felt the importance of appreciating just how amazing I am and all the unique expressions that I bring. To start to really cherish this is the next step and take the appreciation deeper. So they are not just words but lived and embodied in me. It feels amazing having this relationship with myself. Thanks Serge.
The power of momentum you have expressed Natalie. What we choose we will have more of coming back to us.
Indeed – what goes around comes around in many guises and an infinite number of situations and occurrences.
Hear, hear Natalie. The work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine opened my eyes to just how lowly an opinion I had allowed myself ‘to have of myself’, and the rampant self-judgement and condemnation so many of us have been simply accustomed to living with.
This is absolutely not ok – the spin-off effect upon our relationships, our commitment to living a full and meaningful life… all impacted upon.
Appreciation is an art form that is deeply needed in our own lives and our societies – that we may actually connect with the true beauty of who we are, and ‘live and embody’ it as you say. Enough with the catholic church’s influence of misery, false self-effacement and martyrdom…
Yes I can say I cannot recall a time where I would not consider myself unworthy of being part of the world – it seemed constant and ever present. Appreciation has certainly allowed me to see me in a new light, literally and to feel that I am a wonderful man, worthy of the life I get to choose each and every moment.
I agree Natalie, appreciation was something that didn’t come into the picture. And if I did appreciate something about myself I was pretty quick to throw water on it. But i can feel how I never put the fire out. I knew deep down that appreciation was a key ingredient thanks to Serge.
What a beautiful sharing revealing the wonder of self appreciation. It really does open up the way to a more joyful and loving way of being. It is interesting to read the comments and realise how common it is for us to be so hard on ourselves and question why this is so, not to mention why we aren’t taught the importance of self appreciation from young.
Yes Vanessa, it is amazing how common it is to beat oursleves up and be so hard on ourselves without questioning why this happens so frequently. How different out lives would be, plus the lives of those around us if we learnt to deeply appreciate ourlseves from a young age. We would be truly inspired along with inspiring others in every sense of the word if this were the case.
Yes, can you imagine a classroom with the teacher standing up and saying ‘Now class today we are going to learn about the very important topic of self-appreciation’. How awesome would that be?
I love that Janet. That would be truly amazing!
Very good point Vanessa re why are not being taught self-appreciation from young. It really shows much we (our society as a whole) have been missing the point around what self-appreciation really is, what it brings, and obviously the fact that it is not in our foundation of living.
So true Alexandra. Not only are we not taught or reminded of how powerful this is, but we also don’t have it reflected to us as it is somewhat endemic in our society to not appreciate ourselves and each other.
Agree Vanessa – we are great at making ourselves feel less, being our own worst critic, when really to let go of that means we don’t carry around the hurts of trying to be perfect.It is a big weight to carry to try and please everyone, but to start to open up and appreciate ourselves is to start to heal ages of individualism and separation.
The wonder of self-appreciation that I have found Vanessa is that deep appreciation creates expansion in the body, making space for more appreciation!
I can really relate to this blog Donna, especially the self-doubt and mind games. You are absolutely right that the antidote to being hard on yourself is self-appreciation. I used to believe it was optional, now I feel it is mandatory for a balanced life, and has helped me look at all aspects of life with more honesty.
This is such a great point you are making here Bernard with self-appreciation being an essential part of a healthy life – not an option. Self-appreciation has got nothing to do with arrogance (as some people may have wrongly associated it with), it is simply an amazing tool that allows one to really get in touch with who they are, what they bring to the world and claim it all. Isn’t this super key?
Great comment Bernard. Appreciation has also assisted me to not be so harsh on myself but to also look honestly at my life.
Absolutely Bernard; self-appreciation is part of the medicine for our overall wellbeing – just like taking vitamins.
Yes Bernard, self appreciation plays a huge part in our own sense of self and naturally leads to appreciation of others.
Great point. Self-appreciation as our daily vitamins.
So true Gina, a good dose of self-appreciation does wonders for one’s health and wellbeing.
I love that Gina, that self appreciation as medicine. The great thing is that we can’t over dose on it and it’s right here with us as a choice we make in each moment.
So cool Christopher – no, we can’t overdoes on it!
Agreed Bernard. “Mandatory appreciation” – excellent. Ooo, and can’t we feel the squirming inside that arises at the thought of celebrating ourselves in full… (unless one is already adept at this 😉 )
Very well said Bernie. Without it there is a gaping hole that throws us off the balance completely. We can choose to ignore this and carry on like everything is normal, yet we will always feel the emptiness of this gaping hole…that can only be filled and nurtured back into fullness by our appreciation and acknowledgment of who we are and all that we bring.
Yes Sara, I’ve tried (and still do some days) to fill this hole with chips (corn, sea salt, hot….) and it never gets filled no matter how many packets I inhale! The fullness comes from exactly what you say – by our appreciation and acknowledgement of who we are and all that we bring.
This is so true Sara, ‘yet we will always feel the emptiness of this gaping hole…that can only be filled and nurtured back into fullness by our appreciation and acknowledgment of who we are and all that we bring.’ Appreciation has to be part of our daily life and should be taught in schools.
Yes it should Lorraine, perhaps then we wouldn’t travel so far away from it:)
I like what you say here Bernard about self-appreciation being mandatory for a balanced life. We do tend to be out of kilter when it comes to being harsh with ourselves or being loving. Developing self-appreciation is the antidote.
Yes agreed Matthew, we have so many ways of ensuring we do not self-appreciate, both personally and as a society. Developing is definitely the anti-dote, and also goes very much against the grain for many.
Bernard, I too am realising that a balanced daily diet of appreciation and celebration of who I am is food for my soul.
Beautifully shared Vicky, ‘ that a balanced daily diet of appreciation and celebration of who I am is food for my soul.’
Appreciation has helped me to look at all aspects of my life with more honesty too Bernard. It’s like the appreciation gives me a foundation of steadiness from which I can honestly see what needs letting go of without getting lost in it through beating myself up.
The Way of the Livingness has transformed my life completely, as I now can appreciate and accept more of who I am just for being me, this allows me to offer true support and love to others equally.
We can not offer what we do not know exist within. If our love isn’t felt and appreciated how are we to know what there is for us to offer. And as you say Francisco, by having appreciation and acceptance for who we are we are, we are able to love and support others equally.
No wonder we grow up and slowly loose our ability to appreciate when our elders and parents are barren of this ability, but it only takes one to inspire the many, this is how powerful we are.
Beautiful Toni, it only takes one to inspire, least we forget this truth.
Yes Francisco, before The Way of the Livingness, I was always looking to better myself rather than accept and appreciate who I am. Thanks to the Way of the Livingness I now realise that I am already complete as I am the Son of God and appreciating my qualities and my essence assists me in reclaiming this.
I can say that the same experience has happened to me Francisco. My life has transformed because of The Way of the Livingness and I am now far more accepting of myself than ever before and this allows me to support and love others with far greater truth.
I can only agree wholeheartedly with your comment Francisco, since learning to appreciate and accept myself my life has also completely transformed.
Appreciation is in fact the only (True) way to encounter ‘the stubbornest moments’. Beautifully said Jane. In my experience, appreciating brings me back into connection with who I am. And takes me away from feeling whatever holds me in it’s grip. Trying to find answers in my head has been the tool for me to find answers and / or solutions. Where in fact it was the greatest tool for me to escape from life. I am slowly, but surely letting go of this stubborn pattern. And allowing myself to both appreciate and surrender to myself.
When we keep giving ourselves a hard time, we inevitably keep ourselves small and make it more difficult for ourselves, as we are always looking for the next thing to beat ourselves up about.
Donna, what you are sharing, is very familiar to me as well. I was a master of self-doubt, giving myself a hard time. It is very inspiring how you exposed your behaviour pattern and your choice to appreciate you for the love you are. I like especially your idea, to send a text message to a friend every day, what you appreciate about yourself. This is an excellent way to confirm us, what we are – very precious diving beings.
Yes Alexander I too love the text message, my daughter and I have done a similar thing where we texted an appreciation of ourselves and one of the other on a daily basis for a few weeks. So beautiful to share and be able to appreciate my daughter and share that with her, it was easier in the beginning appreciating her than me, now its both equal and brings the joy of meeting each other in such a loving way.
Hello Alexander and you could say ‘we are what we think’, so it would be important to have a look at your thoughts and see which way they are headed. If there is self doubt, self critique etc then it maybe time to check to see where you are going. Appreciation seems to be another way, a different choice and puts you in a completely different place.
Adding appreciation to our lives and our bodies’ changes everything. We can be so starved of the quality that this brings and it is so worth the while to make this part of every day, just like having breakfast.
It is so easy to get caught up in giving ourselves a hard time, when really there is so much we can appreciate in our daily life. When we start appreciating the little things in life then we can really start to feel what true appreciation is. They don’t need to come in big packages, just small little things.
The ‘what I am not’ does not make me anything more or less. I am not a doctor or a musician but that is because what I bring is me… and I appreciate this.
As you are saying Steve, it’s not the title that defines us but more ‘who we truly are’. Those with bigger titles are not ‘better’ or worse people, they are just people. We all carry a value and that value is to be appreciated no matter how big or small we perceive it to be. Appreciation really is a game changer in life.
Appreciation, what a great topic Donna, I love what you have shared here. Appreciation is becoming my most favourite of words these days, as there is so much power felt when you appreciate yourself deeply and acknowledge your true self and awesome abilities. You can’t help but smile when you feel your own gorgeous words spoken to yourself with love.
Amazing Donna. What I find so interesting is that people aren’t born self critical and aren’t naturally hard on themselves, it seems to be something we learn as we grow up.
That is so true!
This is interesting harry, we have so many expectations and boxes thrown our way as we grow and we try and fit them all. We then realise we can fit into them all causing us to feel less because of it. A crazy set up we then play into.
I can very much relate to what you have written Donna. Since I was a child I very often felt guilty when people were upset about things, even though it had nothing to do with me. Due to feeling guilty, and as I did not like to feel the Dis-Harmony, I contracted, made myself small and did everything to please people and make them feel happy again. This behaviour was absolutely untrue and I was not the reason/cause for others Dis-Harmony. But as I had no appreciation for myself I did not understand this.
I also know very well that “Whenever anyone would question me on something that I had done or said, I would be quick to doubt myself, then I would disconnect from my body to go into more doubt, become very confused, give up on myself and then internally bash myself over the head for not getting it right: the whole time, not assessing or feeling if what had been said was indeed true for me or not.“
Re-building appreciation is something that is for me continiously ongoing, and I very much like the program you had used for yourself. The more Appreciation and Love I have in my body the less it is possible that I bash myself (and others) and/or feel guilty; instead it allows me to see things as they truly are without judgement, emotions and/or any right or wrong.
Appreciating ourselves is a simple way of building self love. Some days I can’t find a single thing to appreciate about myself. That says enough about the conditions I put on loving myself. ‘As I have begun to deeply appreciate all that ‘I am’, the ‘what I am not’ has started to fade into the background. It is something that I need to lovingly work on, but I no longer identify with it as who I am.’
Donna I loved reading this bit – ‘I began to see very clearly just how awesome I am and just how much there is to appreciate about myself.’ most people need a little bit more of this I do believe.
Absolutely Emily, the whole world needs more of this!
Your story could be my story down to the sharing of appreciation with a friend, it was so wonderful to do this and then with another friend we would send a message everyday sharing the magic of god we had witnessed. It was amazing and really shifted the focus to what is not the what is not. I just feel it may be time for another level of sharing and deepening, I certainly appreciate you sharing this with us all, it is very inspiring.
Hi Donna, it sounds like an amazing program, I would like to try it too.
Hello Donna and great great blog, I absolutely love that you have written about this. You have given us so much and yet the blog is not that long. Appreciation is a huge key for us and I never go anywhere without it. I too at one point had an internal self critique running that would assess everything I did. I would always find a part to ‘improve’ not matter how well anything went. There was always the thought that if you gave yourself even the slightest complement you would give yourself a big head or something. It was a truly strange way to live, always a focus on the things you were not, rather then simply appreciating who you are. This as you say is there for everyone thereafter. So if you live critically of yourself, that will be there for others as well whereas if you appreciate yourself that same level of care will be in everything you do. As I’ve said great work Donna, thank you.
I have started 2 appreciation programs and it is powerful to be asked to look at myself several times a day with appreciation and sharing this with another person.
Hello Janina and this is not only very cool but very inspiring, thanks for letting us know. It doesn’t really matter how it looks at first but as you have done Janina the start or action at least is important.
Good point Raymond, it is a strange way to live to be focussing on the things we are not instead of appreciating what we are.
Hello Ilja, ‘strange’ I agree but it would appear we are more comfortable with that and it seems to be our default program. As I’ve said before I don’t see too many people criticising others for being ‘far too appreciative’ but I have heard many people say how critical others are. It appears ‘our’ world is out of balance and this could be one key to balance it all out. Great to have you on board Ilja and let’s see if we can be possibly the first few people criticised for being far too appreciative.
Absolutely Ray, I agree and can relate with what you share here. Appreciation of self changes our relationship and way of being with self and everyone, it is phenomenal.
Hello Lorraine, appreciate anything, a conversation, a feeling or a relationship, the list goes on. Go to the small things, the everyday and build a consistency of what you appreciate. We can often leave it until we see or are involved with bigger things and this can be sporadic, consistency is the key.
“I began to see daily that the amazingness of who I truly am far outweighs all the little things that I had been giving myself a hard time over.” As a society we tend to focus on the little things and or the negative stuff of our own little world… when in truth there is so, so much to enjoy and appreciate about ourselves and each other, our lives, this world we live in…a far bigger picture of beauty and grandness.
Absolutely Elizabeth, self appreciation is medicine, free and a powerful way to shake off the stream of destructive criticism.
I loved re-reading your post today Donna, it confirms within me the true value of appreciating self. Since I originally read your article I have taken moments throughout each day to stop and appreciate myself and it feels amazing. It even opened up a deeper level of connection with those I am closest to, sharing something we appreciate about ourselves, and each other. It’s definitely something I will continue to make a part of my life as it is so supportive, nurturing and joyful to share in this way.
Appreciation is the jewel in the crown.
Ha!
Or: Appreciation is the mirror in which I see me wearing a crown. 😉
Yes I like that a lot Sandra
A little appreciation goes a long way. How deeply others are moved by someone taking the time to see them and to honour who they truly are and not cast them by their imperfections. It is equally important to extend this same Love and regard towards ourself.
Appreciation is pure alchemy, the magic elixir that is Love
ohh Deborah, that line is alchemy in words, love it.
What a great appreciation program for us all that will only lead to more Love, understanding and honour of the beauty within us all.
I can still return to the old habit of self doubt when questioned, but now I catch myself when I start that pattern and can stop it. I know the disconnection gives me more doubt and have done that downward spiral many times, whereas holding my connection and knowing that seeing daily ..’ the amazingness of who I truly am far outweighs all the little things that I had been giving myself a hard time over.’ Thank you Donna for this realisation and beautiful appreciation.
OMG this could not have come at more of a perfect time for me. Over the last few days this is exactly what I have been both feeling and seeing. How I always give myself a hard time and look for what I have done wrong or haven’t done and how I do not fully appreciate or accept myself. Like you I used to constantly think everything was my fault. If someone hurt themselves it was my fault, if someone felt crappy it was my fault .. the list went on. Also like you, with the massive Love and support from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have made inroads in developing a life that is self-loving and self-honouring, but while I am doing this am more aware of all these beliefs, ideals and patterns I have lived that are not truly me. I Love, Love, Love the idea of working with a friend where everyday we can both say to each other what we appreciate about ourselves and am feeling to add at the end of the week that I share with them what I value about them as well. I am going to contact her now .. thank you 💕
Donna this is such a supportive blog to read, I can so easily give myself a hard time about the ‘I didn’t get it right’ and so easily forget to appreciate the amazingness, appreciating just how much I have changed and what that brings to my life and others. Thanks for the nudge.
Yes Judy I too have been so hard on myself, and it has lessened so much, but still get snagged…but the more appreciation I bring the less space for self bashing as Donna has so beautifully shared!
Appreciation feels like so much more of an investment in our here and now than the indulgence of berating ourselves.
I love that Michelle, self doubt feels like total indulgence when put like that.
The practice of appreciating one self totally reconfigures your relationship with yourself in a positive way and this has a follow on effect with relations with others
Thank you for sharing your experiences with appreciation Donna and I do recognise much of my own behaviours in it. When I just be with myself, I to can feel how amazing I am and that there is much to appreciate. Reconnecting to this amazingness I am does indeed take away all the doubt with myself I could have in the past. There is now a confidence that I am okay and an appreciation of what I feel is my truth no matter what others may think of it. And with that comes a joy and lightness in life that I had lost a long time ago, but now have recovered and am living once again.
Thank you Donna. A beautiful example of the power of appreciation and how it plays a very real role in building a loving relationship with ourselves but also the relationships that we have with others.
Absolutely Jennifer, it allows a quality of enjoying each other and ourselves, rather than competing, comparing and jealousy. Appreciation cuts a lot of the rubbish we pile inside of ourselves, the worst being self bashing – the ultimate attack on ourselves.!
This is a great blog Donna. You simply show how Self-Appreciation is actually great medicine. Medicine that doesn’t come in the form of a tablet, but a self loving act towards oneself and their body. Self love and self appreciation does have as much affect on the chemistry of a body as any tablet.
Appreciation of self is great medicine and a game changer, and has a huge affect on the cells and the chemistry of our body.
When I started re-reading this blog this morning, I was thinking how little appreciation I had been allowing to be felt in/of myself and others, then I just realised how little I was actually affected by someone making a false comment about me in a highly unpleasant manner recently. It is awesome to feel I am definitely building a stronger foundation for me to know my love. Thank you, Donna. Without your blog, I would not have been able to stop and appreciate myself on that.
The more we connect to the love within ourselves, especially through appreciation, the more we realise the layers or levels of hardness we have been holding or allowing. This indeed is a beautiful process of ‘unfoldment’ as the layers of hardness fold away to show more of the love we are.
Beautifully said Amelia – this makes sense as the deeper we go within to feel who we are, everything we are not needs to ‘get a move on’ and go. A wonderful reminder here to not feel disheartened or let down when these layers are felt after being appreciative or tender with ones self – it is not a failure but a confirmation of the work being done – even more reason to appreciate.
Self appreciation is one medicine available to us today that truly does treat our body and being, releasing old patterns that are the cause of our illness, disease and debilitating conditions. And it’s FREE!
this is profound Donna, and something rarely practised in the world today. If we were to turn tthis around and bring as much focus on appreciation of ourselves as we used to spend on self-battering, how would that transform our relationships, with ourselves, with our partners and with the world.
Exactly Elizabeth, and given that its free, its expanisive and brings so many riches for ourselves and others, it seems strange that we are so miserly with this simple powerful practice
Self appreciation brings me back closer to who I truly am, self doubt takes me further away. Simple and powerful Donna, thank you.
I like how you make the point that is we who attract or create what comes to us. If we give ourselves a hard time we are likely to be treated in a less than loving way.
As I was reading about your appreciation for yourself Donna, I was naturally appreciating the choices and dedication to yourself and how this is inspiring for others also.
I find it very joyful and confirming of our true nature.
Self appreciation is and re-learning to love myself deeply, is what supports me in not reacting to criticism form others, and criticism and judgment from myself, realizing that life isn’t about perfection and getting everything right, but about learning and evolving though our so called mistakes.
“It was a pattern that I chose as a way of keeping myself small, of not showing the world the glory of who I really am.”
All our patterns and issues seem to be a way that we avoid the responsibility of bringing to other people the love, light and amazing-ness we all are.
“This was when I began a self-appreciation program where on a daily basis via text message I began to share with a friend at least two things that I appreciate about myself on that day. Because I already had a strong foundation of love in my body from the self-loving choices I had been making over the last four or five years, this opened up a fountain of appreciation for myself that I never knew was there, dwelling inside of me waiting to burst out.”
I love this Donna, what an honoring, supportive and deeply healing program to put oneself on, you’ve reminded me that I should be committing more to my self appreciation on a daily basis.
I have found that when I don’t trust myself, and doubt what I feel it is very debilitating and dis-empowering, as I connect more to myself through the work of universal medicine, this pattern has greatly diminished.
“I became aware of the cycle that played out in my self-abuse”. What a power-full line Donna. It is time to call out that being hard on ourselves is self-abuse and it is a cycle that we keep repeating and choosing.It is only when we can get real about what is going on that we can then choose to continue it or lovingly say no more.
Yes it’s interesting Sarah, it has taken a while to get to the point to actually see the self-bashing as self-abuse. I realised that I had a low radar for abuse because I was so good at giving it to myself that when abuse came my way, I thought it was normal. That has really changed now since I started to develop my self-appreciation.
“Having had a Universal Medicine practitioner lovingly point out that this was a pattern of mine, I decided to explore the possibility of choosing another way. First of all, I recognised that I had been saying ‘yes’ to this pattern and I began to explore why I was choosing it. I became aware of the cycle that played out in my self-abuse.”
I like the high level of responsibility you are taking here Donna, in saying that you, “had been choosing this pattern”, when we realize that we always are making choices and have a choice as to what we choose, and if that supports us or not, then we don’t feel a victim to life’s circumstances.
Yes the first step of letting go of unsupportive patterns is to actually become aware of having patterns that we go when something happens. This is already a great step from just thinking the pattern is who we are, yet becoming aware shows it is not us but something we do and choose.
Beautiful Donna. We have been appreciating something about ourselves as a household lately and I have been amazed by the impact this has had. Recently I caught myself acting out of jealousy, it was awful and yet I was supported to feel what had happened without the need to judge myself or beat myself up by simply appreciating that my true and natural way of being is the absolute opposite of jealousy.
How gorgeous is that Leonne, thanks for sharing! Feels like a true and very real family you have going on with your household. If we could treat ourselves like this, without judgment or critique we would feel so much more supported to look at our patterns and behaviours that are not in line with who we truly are and let them go. It feels like letting them go and not identifying with these ways would be easier because there is a solid foundation and knowing of who we truly are through active appreciation – so why hold on to anything that is not of that true quality?
Thank you Rachael – I have been seeing that appreciation is vital for building a true relationship with ourselves and others.
“I began a self-appreciation program where on a daily basis via text message I began to share with a friend at least two things that I appreciate about myself on that day.” This is a great idea, I am going to start a similar program and text my husband about two things I appreciate about myself each day. This is going to be a great experience for me .
Appreciation to me is a beautiful gift of life. When I appreciate myself when being connected to myself I feel so so wonderful and expanded inside. Even writing about this already is expanding. Giving myself a hard time is the complete opposite, so slowly I’m building the appreciation as part of my foundation. Gosh, I’m indeed very sweet, tender, lovely, dedicated, warm, etc. Giving myself permission to really feel this inside of me is something so dear and precious to me.
It is true the deeper our own loving appreciation runs through our cells and they jingle and sway along spreading the love with-in of who we innately are with no ‘buts’ to stop the flow, the more the flow just oozes out of us and we share the same love and appreciation of and with all.
Thank you Donna, I love how you have simplified the forever-deepening levels of appreciation, which is a sharing of the love we naturally are as a Son of God, so this then allows us all to deepen the connection to God! Great blog!
Why is it that our first response is to bash ourselves up for perceived failures, when in fact we are “not assessing or feeling if what had been said was indeed true for me (us) or not?” Whether it is lack of self worth, self loathing or fear of rejection, the bottom line is a lack of self-love and honouring of ourselves…and that is where appreciation is so power-full – as you so beautifully share here Donna…thank you for the reminder 🙂
‘Because of this belief I often attracted situations and relationships where i was also given a hard time’. Isn’t it amazing to see how the abuse we put on ourselves is shown to us through what we allow from others and vice versa; The way we treat others is a sure fire telling of how we are towards ourselves. Reflection is such a powerful tool to show us where we are truly at in our developing relationship with self and then with the world ~ I love it.
Appreciation is the most solid foundation we can build for our own self-worth. When I have truly appreciated myself during the week and someone criticizes me or I make a mistake, I take it much more lightly and just take responsibility to correct it. But when I have spent a week neglecting my appreciation practice, someone just needs to look a little different at me and I already feel insecure and think something is wrong with me.
Very, very good point Judith!
Appreciation builds the foundation to be ready for more evolvement.
Strong!
This is such an important point Judith – the foundation we actually choose to build for ourselves… For me, the old ‘internal crumbling’ that used to happen if I made a seeming ‘error’ or didn’t see absolutely ‘everything’ that could have been seen in a particular situation, used to be so debilitating. Now, with dedication to appreciating myself, and healing the hurts of the past and self-abuse, there is a steadiness that holds within, regardless of external happenings, and apparent ‘rights or wrongs’.
I have realised in this also, that to express and hold one’s natural authority, does not mean that one always has to be ‘right’. The appreciation of the fact that I – and we – are always learning is what holds a far greater place of value today!
Well said Victoria and it has been a great learning for me too that it is not about being ‘right’ or ‘good’ – as these words have certain interpretations as well. And that being ‘right’ does not give me more worth.
In your sharing Judith, I like the self-empowerment factor in it. Nobody can do this for us. Is is our loving choices to build a strong foundation with ourselves.
This is a game changer Donna – “I began to see daily that the amazingness of who I truly am far outweighs all the little things that I had been giving myself a hard time over’. A recipe so simple and embracing – who wouldn’t want to.
I am finding that when I can appreciate myself it is easier to appreciate others and focus on this when I am having a difficulty with another or a situation. Thank you Donna for an inspiring blog 🙂
The ‘dog house’ is such a desolate place to go to. Glad to say I sold my dog house a while ago, so now there’s nowhere to go but deal with the situation.
I love that Matthew, no dog house to hide in, so it’s up front and centre with issues. My feel is, you wouldn’t have it any other way.
Great call Matthew. With ‘nowhere to go but deal with the situation’ the possibility of healing is at hand.
funny matthew, but an apt description of just one of the many ways we keep ourselves small, contracted, hurt and sabotaged… we don’t need other people to abuse us as we are so good at it ourselves, but in this we do invite it in from others as well.
I agree, cjames2012, it is a lifechanger and I also experience how much more harmony comes into my family in bringing in my appreciation.
And the texting is such an awesome idea – super practical and much more fun and supportive to share my appreciation of myself with a friend, rather than hiding it away in a journal!
When we share the appreciation of ourselves with others then it can inspire others to start to appreciate themselves too.
Spot on Annie, the appreciation of ourselves can inspire another and their appreciation can in turn inspire us – a constant expanding cycle of appreciation!
Hello Hannah and I agree. We all often speak of how powerful it is to write something down and to go one step further and share that with a friend I think is a great idea as well. As you are saying if you write something in a journal or similar often you don’t even go back and read it whereas if you are sending it to someone else there is more of a chance of it being discussed and therefore you will bring more awareness or more appreciation to it. So time to phone a friend, thank you.
Absolutely Ray, not only is there more accountability with a friend (the notebook’s not exactly going to prompt you if you conveniently forget to write that day 😉 ) but the discussion that comes with the sharing, and the further appreciation, is absolute gold. Plus having a conversation about what you appreciate about yourselves sure beats talking about the weather, etc – it takes your relationship to a deeper level – both more open and more vulnerable.
Very true Hannah and why not do both then. So record in your notebook or diary and then also discuss it with a friend. When I write something down and make a record it seems to bring it more concrete into my understanding, when I discuss it with someone else it seems to bring me another part or something I may not of seen.
Ahh, good point Raymond, why not have the best of both worlds?!
Thanks Hannah and one builds the other. I have seen that for myself that taking notes gives me more to say in person which in turn has grown my notes which then has grown the conversations with people, should I go on or do you get the gist?
ha ha Ray, gist well and truly got!
Great to be on the same page or driving the same vehicle. It’s great when you ‘get’ or see new things, we often dedicate time to them early but it’s the consistency that builds and supports. Like when say you buy a new car, it’s super shiny, smells amazing and has all the trimmings. You wash it for the first however long and then after a while life becomes too busy and the shine wears off. Things like we are saying keep the shine going and so to let them go is to let go of what supports us, so let’s keep maintaining the vehicle ongoing, it’s the new black.
Love it Ray!!! Love and dedication and a whole lot of appreciation for the long-term, rather than settling for fits and spurts and getting despondent when things begin to lose their shine.
Thank you again Hannah and yes this is a long term gig as you say, “appreciation for the long-term”. If something is truly working for you, like true appreciation does we would need to look at why we abandon it when “things begin to lose their shine”. Is it just how we are or is this the point where we have cracked one level and it is time or a choice to go deeper? For me at this point I use it almost like a marker and see it as a choice to deepen what I have already built. I do my best not to wonder why or be “despondent” but simply see it as a point and appreciate that I have mastered a part of something and now it is a choice to deepen and master the next part, forever a choice and forever an opportunity.
And a whole lot more real!
An inspiring read Donna and a very beautiful reminder. I love your texting appreciation program! Very supportive.
I agree Sara the texting appreciation program is pretty cool
Wow Donna, thank you so much for exposing the cycle of self abuse that we can so easily find ourselves stuck in – I could totally relate to your realisation that “Whenever anyone would question me on something that I had done or said, I would be quick to doubt myself, then I would disconnect from my body to go into more doubt, become very confused, give up on myself and then internally bash myself over the head for not getting it right: the whole time, not assessing or feeling if what had been said was indeed true for me or not.”
That’s a beautiful balance Brendan. The appreciation allows us to see more from a strong base of love, which then supports us to go deeper.
The more we appreciate ourselves, the more we become ‘full’ of ourselves. Could it be that we eat too much because we are trying to fill up an emptiness with food while we should be filling it with ourselves, all that we are and with appreciation for ourselves?
Great point you made Mariette- “Could it be that we eat too much because we are trying to fill up an emptiness with food while we should be filling it with ourselves, all that we are and with appreciation for ourselves?” I had never thought about that, but it feels true.
Is it possible that this is contributing to obesity becoming such a major epidemic in our world today?
It sure is. There is such a lack of self-worth and when we don’t start to appreciate ourselves and also when when we don’t deal with our hurts, we just keep on eating till we think we are full, but we will never be full. We can only feel full when we our full of ourselves!
Very true, we eat endlessly to try and fill the void of our emptiness, only food never works. Appreciating ourselves helps to truly fill us up like no food ever can.
From my experience Mariette, that is true, as eating to fill the emptiness in myself has never brought me the same feeling of lightness and spaciousness as when I am filling myself through self appreciation. Quite the opposite though, it made me feel numbed and distracted from life instead. So the choice has become simple while profound, choosing self appreciating as the food for me to ingest.
Mariette what a powerful yet simply point to ponder on. With obesity being at levels that are off the charts this one sentence could inspire great change and self reflection the world over.
Yes it is absolutely that Mariette. We do tend fill the empty space with food.. . space that we could otherwise fill with appreciation of ourselves. I feel that even the smallest increase in the level of a appreciation leads to a huge gain in our health and well being.
It sure does, I feel that everybody with overweight or underweight problems should go on an appreciation program. Well, I feel we all have food issues so why not put the whole world on an appreciation program?
Donna, I can soooo relate to this old pattern and know how debilitating it really is. A little appreciation goes a long way, something I now know too. When the focus is shifted our lives and those of others around us become much more simple and joyful.
‘ When the focus is shifted our lives and those of others around us become much more simple and joyful.’
I agree Jenny. Shifting our focus such as this is like opening a door into a place that we have never explored before and there is a feeling of openness and great potential.
Very true Jenny, I find that the appreciation I afford myself allows a simple enjoyment of others – no comparison needed, just an appreciation.
There are many people in my life who reflect that “appreciation is a pathway to a deeper level of love.” I appreciate them for their loving ways and know that my own self appreciation will reflect that deeper level of love to others also.
I am having to re-learn this process of true self-appreciation. It has lacked my attention over many years but now it is definitely time to embrace it as it is as many people have said, the pathway to a deeper love.
. . and the appreciation can be in very small ways, for example, feeling the gentle way our hand glides on the bannister as we walk down the stairs, feeling our beautiful posture as we walk anywhere, hearing the gentle tones in our voice as we speak the truth of what we feel, feeling what we feel and celebrating that.
Thank you Carmel for reminding us that appreciation of the small things are equally very important to clock and confirm. I don’t do this enough, but now I have a deeper understanding as to what self appreciation means from your simple examples.
I agree, Carmel. It’s in the the small details that can really allow a deeper confirmation of what is there for us to celebrate. Our innate beauty.
I loved reading what you’ve shared here. It feels simple but powerfull. It made a lot of sense to me when you mentioned that once we start appreciating ourselves it becomes natural to appreciate others around us. Thanks for sharing!
Yes, I have noticed when I am in appreciation for what and who is around me, it is because I am in appreciation of myself. Which ever point I start from, one brings more of the other.
Appreciation forever expands and deepens and touches all in our sphere. To honour ourselves fully allows us to revere others in the same light for we are all one.
Beautifully said Deborah. At its heart, when we are in appreciation of ourselves or others, we are connecting with the truth of the light that we all are – and how exquisite this is in its presence and expression. Your words of comment on this blog raise us to this truth.
“I found that my innate way of being really is to express from this appreciation.” This takes practice but feels amazing after we get ourselves and our inhibitions out the way. I am finding every moment of appreciation felt is beautiful and expressed allows a real warmth and joy through my body.
‘I found that my innate way of being really is to express from this appreciation.’ This is a great point to ponder.
So much of society directs us to focus on the ‘what is not’ it is the norm. Consequently it is no wonder we have so little self-appreciation. What a different world it will be when the focus is on the ‘what is’ and self-appreciation is the norm, as it will surely eventually be.
It is so absurd that we always focus on any small detail that might not be perfect and thereby totally ignore how amazing we are.
Now this is the way to change the world “As I focus on seeing the beauty in me, I cannot help but see the beauty in those around me.” how simple yet how extremely powerful.
I agree David and there are those of us that know this as a fact and yet still we wait. What better thing to share with the world than an ongoing appreciation of everything and everyone around you. The world should know this and I can speak for myself with the huge change in everything around me, my home, my marriage, my businesses with even just the smallest drop of self appreciation. I was almost scared of shadows because when I thought about why I would rather critique myself than appreciate myself I really had no answer but I had a million reasons not to do it. This became so ingrained I actually thought it was normal. I can see from where I stand now that it is far from normal, what ever you are and do to yourself will be in every relationship thereafter. So if we really want to change the world then this most definitely starts with us.
Yeah I agree David.
So simple, so beautiful, and so powerful!
Yes David, beautifully expressed – this is true medicine.
“Appreciation is a pathway to a deeper level of love” what a powerful realization Donna! And looking back on how I have lived my life, as many other people do, there was no appreciation for myself but instead disregard, lack of self worth and playing small. This is a great game to avoid living the love with ourselves and others. But we need to become aware of it and stop the energy which wants to keep us playing this game.
Yeah I agree Janina the way I treat myself is not anywhere with the precious loving hands of how God would treat me, I can actively not care for myself which is very sad when you actually feel it, and to know that we are able to turn this around by simple steps of appreciating, looking after our bodies caring for ourselves can have profound shifts and changes that is what I am willing to do. It sounds a whole lot better than bashing ourselves up!
Donna, ‘giving myself a hard time no longer serves me. It was a pattern that I chose as a way of keeping myself small, of not showing the world the glory of who I really am.’ What you are sharing here Donna feels so absolutely true, I have given myself a hard time and can feel how this has stopped me from living in my fullness, from expressing what I feel and who I am. I feel that this has not worked and is a way of living that I do not want to have and so, I am choosing instead to be loving with myself, to be understanding and gentle instead of being critical and hard on myself. This has made a huge difference in my life; to how I feel about myself and others, how I work, how my relationships are, the list goes on..
‘the amazingness of who I truly am far outweighs all the little things that I had been giving myself a hard time over.’ How very deeply true, and in fact our true beingness exposes those little things as lies.
Very true Donna and Richard!
Wow Donna, this is so familiar to me, the cycle of doubt and self-abuse has been a long held – and long chosen pattern. The familiarity has a perverse feeling of safeness in it and yet I know how it has held me back. I too have made a daily commitment to appreciation of who I truly am and can only echo your sentiments. It works and there is great truth in the fact that what we choose to appreciate grows and expands. It is indeed a game changer. Perhaps we also need to appreciate that when we give energy to self-doubt and self-abuse this too grows. We must choose carefully.
Yes Richard – I realise more and more, it is really a choice, do I appreciate myself every day or do I doubt myself. I start to see how loveless I treated myself in the past and how healing it is, now to make loving choices for myself.
I like that,’No more dog house for me as when I look at it is me who puts myself in the dog house most of the time and the dog house is nothing but a waste of time so it’s no more dog house for me either.
great kevmch. – a good reminder that it is a choice we make, to put oursevles in the doghouse, or allow another to try to relegate us there.
For me a ‘doghouse’ is like a place where I can lick my wounds (hurts) and withdraw from life, but to bring a real change into my life (to feel powerful, light and beautiful) is to deal with my hurts and take responsibility. Appreciation is the foundation to do so, the base on which I can more easily deal with whatever comes up. A doghouse is like a safe house, but by building a foundation out of appreciation I feel safe everywhere. A doghouse suggests safety, but in truth it does make the hurt stay and countenanced – Appreciation is the true safety, because we support healing and prepare for evolving through it.
Thank you Donna for a really great article, I too have started to do the appreciation program, it was difficult at first, having a life time of bashing myself and never feeling enough, but as I continue to do it little by little I can feel my self loving growing. I have found too, that I am much gentler with myself these days. A wonderful investment in evolution.
Brendan this comment is really supportive for me at this time. It brings understanding to oneself within the imperfections that at times can take up too much time and space.
Donna, thanks to your inspiring blog I started my appreciation text program yesterday. Woohoo!
This is awesome Sally, let me know how it goes. Feels like the air is going to be full of lots of people texting appreciation, re imprinting text messaging, how beautiful is that. It’s such an amazing thing to share with another. I love that when I receive their message of appreciation, I too get to appreciate the person that I’m doing the program with and our appreciation together grows.
Yes and I have recommitted to mine. Thanks Donna.
Go Sally, it is inspiring and simple!
To actually verbalise appreciation is incredibly healing … it really is worth a try… a good place to start is with our families, partners and children… it may seem a little unwieldy or embarrassing at first, but it can very quickly start to feel quite wonderful
As you share Chris to verbalise appreciation is so worth a try. SInce reading this blog recently I’ve started to share with a friend on a daily basis – two things I appreciate about myself and little by little I can feel some very old cobwebs getting blown away.
Oh, I like that. Thank you for the inspiration, cjames2012 and Marion. Self-appreciation going communal appreciation.
I agree cjames2012 it is very healing to verbalise our appreciation and does get easier with practise. What I find is that in my head the words of appreciation seem more abundant but when I open my mouth everything gets watered down, but once the awkwardness leaves there is so much more to say.
I can relate to this Julie, I can feel appreciation towards people, but when it comes to expression, i am left floundering… so I am learning to connect back and just say it how it feels and the more I say, the more I can feel is there to express.
Yes, verbalising is like really claiming the appreciation as a truth and not keeping it hidden but is like a willingness to offer what you bring to the greater whole.
Absolutely. It is a lot of fun and deeply healing to share with others what we appreciate about ourselves and with the freedom to not hold back our expression and equally to share with others at every opportunity our appreciation for who they are and the quality they bring.
Verbalising appreciation allows us to feel what a difference expressing what we feel is true, can make. Our expression is a power that is rarely seen.
Absolutely, there is such power in verbalising appreciation. I am now finding it more difficult to hold back my appreciation about a person rather than to express it. For a very long time it was the other way around. It is incredible to feel my default is now to express how much I appreciate another.
Hello cjames and we will often stay away from things that seem uncomfortable, thinking we shouldn’t do ‘that’. As you are saying at the start appreciation can be possibly “unwieldy or embarrassing” but it could also turn everything on it’s head. Appreciation, true appreciation does more then meets the eye and when offered consistently it will change the landscape around you. It’s great to chat about it and as I have said before I’ve never seen anyone charged by the Police for appreciating something too much, so why not give it ago.
… Just imagine… Okay pull over driver you were seen to be overly considerate of others drivers, respectful of all the road rules, showing care and respect for everything around you and for those who travel with you… you are showing everyone else up and we can’t have it… I don’t think so… 🙂
Haha and I like it, funny but it’s a great point. Why aren’t we like this, deep down we all care but yet outwardly it would appear that this is far from the truth. It doesn’t make sense and hence something about how we are, how we live is missing. Could appreciation be part of the missing piece? It would seem from these comments it is certainly in the ball park and I would say right on the money.
It is the way that the old patterns just automatically disconnect us from our bodies that is so debilitating because then we are cut of from the all the built in markers of what is really going on in our bodies, minds and hearts.
Thanks Donna, it is the inner dialogue of self destructive criticism that undermines many peoples lives, and its great to inspire the possibility of shifting these ingrained mental patterns
We don’t realise at times the extent of the self-destructive behaviours that govern our everyday and stop us from shining our light and being ourselves in the world.
Self-appreciation is awesome in that it always open us to more appreciation by exposing also deeper where we still give ourselves a hard time. Appreciating ourselves is evolution.
I agree totally Adele and so it goes on. The unwinding or undoing of the things we have done, to ourselves. Like anything things gain a momentum the more you do them, so truly appreciate yourself consistently and soon that is the only thing you will know.
I agree Adele – it shines a great light on all the self-battering ways we still hold and play out against ourselves.. once we start to appreciate who we are, it allows more of who we are to be realised and lived.
True Adele, appreciation is never- ending – forever surrendering to the Love we are.
Donna, thank you for writing this blog. As always you write with such honesty and integrity, which makes what you right about all the more relatable. Your comment about “internally bashing myself over the head” resonated with me – a life long habit that I am still working through.
I love the concept of your self appreciation program and note the importance of it when you are having a bad day – to question that energy and focus on the “what I am and what I am not”.
Thank you once again for the inspiration you are.
A great case in point – I have bashed myself up over my use of the word “right” instead of “write” above. I was quite pleasantly surprised to find that the world did not end with this heinous grammatical error!
Hilarious Matt Nolan, and also eye-opening… How readily we ‘go to’ the self-judgement, neglecting the intent and exquisite quality of our expression – seeing an inconsequential ‘error’ in a part, as a far greater thing than the beauty and power of the whole…
Love your playfulness Matt Nolan – we can get so very serious about ourselves can’t we. Let’s have a little fun along the way. Actually, let’s have lots of fun along the weigh….ooopps, the way!
More and more I am understanding the importance of appreciation, and what a lack thereof can cause. Observing it in myself, I can feel a very similar pattern Donna, that it allows me to keep myself a bit ‘capped’ or smaller – with a bit of the ‘shine’ taken off. I have been realising the extent to which hardness plays out on myself and a great marker for me has been to clock my first thoughts of the morning. These can either set me up to have a joy-filled and loving day or one where I am constantly trying to catch up as I have not done enough. It is amazing to discover these patterns about ourselves, as when they start to unravel we have already begun the path back to a stronger foundation of love.
I love this suggestion Amelia of clocking the first thoughts that we have for the day and how this sets ourselves up. I might try adding in self-appreciation as one of the first things I do when I wake up. I’ve recently returned to the texting appreciation program with a realisation that it is time to go much deeper.
Hello Amelia and it’s great to watch the reflections as well in others. How do you hold others in conversations? When you see people on the street what is your first thought about them? Often it can be too close for us to look directly at ourselves and so you can take a look at how you walk in the world. Appreciation is huge and when I bring it consistently to my life, there truly feels like there is nothing else.
” No more doghouse for me! I found that my innate way of being really is to express from this appreciation.” yes Donna and how lovely to share from that place with others, it feels so expansive.
Well said Brendan. For a long time I just couldn’t see how my beating myself I was playing small, I was still in the victim role. Having seen through that now, it is incredible to reflect upon and see how stuck I was in the paradigm of wanting to keep myself small.
I love the image of appreciation just bursting like a well that has been kept underground for too long. Thank you.
There is a definite correlation between the giving a hard time to yourself and attracting situations that harm and hurt us. I have also found by being more gentle and self appreciative with myself that the world around me has felt less harsh on me. I am better able to see the great things in life and not be so affected by what others think or feel. Thank you Donna for sharing your personal experience and your greater understanding of who you are, not who you are not!
Donna, you have shared such a key factor in our growth as beings and this is APPRECIATION. I love how you have shared how working on appreciation has helped found a platform and a new foundation for you to then expand and grow even more. I do feel so inspired by what you have written and I also feel to add to it that there have been times when I have found it more difficult to appreciate myself, but still been able to appreciate others – so when that happens I ‘use’ my appreciation of another to re-ignite the appreciation of myself. This is somewhat the reverse of what you have shared – but both work beautifully in supporting us to strengthen our connection and the foundation to step on to the next depth. Thank you Donna – your care and warmth is palpable in your writing!
I agree Henrietta and I will say what a beautiful name you have, I love the spelling, how it looks and how it sounds. That is if I am pronouncing it correctly. What you are saying is spot on and as long as we are appreciating that anything we see in others has to be within us first. So again I agree if you are having trouble appreciating yourself, have a look around you and see what you appreciate in others. Then open to the possibility of the only way you could see this was if you understood it or owned it in yourself first. How can you truly love or appreciate someone or something more than yourself, it’s fundamentally not possible. The only limit on love and appreciation is the one we hold because from where I stand there is no limit. Appreciation, you can’t buy it online but you can certainly grow it on there.
Spot on Raymond – if we can look around us and know that the world as it is today is a far cry from what we know to be true, then it means we have lived the truth and that marker is within us, hence we are capable of seeing and knowing that what we see is not of a true world. And like wise as you have said, if we see something and know it to be true, the only way this can be is if we too have lived this in the past and hold the marker in our body to be able to recognise this in another. And so it is, as you have so beautifully expressed: it is fundamentally not possible to love or appreciate another more than yourself…. and the more we deepen our love for self, the more we can truly deepen our love for others.
And ha ha, I love what you have said about appreciation being something we cannot buy on line, but just like with Donna’s blog, it can be expressed on line and used to inspire others – hence the growth that we all get to experience, like a series of dominoes (only we don’t knock each other down, we actually prop each other up!)….
Unhindered appreciation of others is a most powerful thing to connect to Henrietta, I agree. In appreciating someone that deeply inspires me – Serge Benhayon as a prime example – my heart cannot but be blown open to the power of my own love also. For that is exactly what someone such as Serge Benhayon brings to us – that we are all equally amazing, deeply loving and magnificent beings. It is who we are.
For aeons, we’ve allowed ourselves to be ruled by false beliefs and constructs that deem us to not be worthy of our own and God’s love… With SO much effort put into creating such constructs, one can’t help but wonder how great we truly are, that there has been so much that seeks to suppress it.
Spot on Vic, our current world is not set up to allow us to know nor appreciate the truth of who we are. And so there are, as you have said, so many false beliefs and constructs that deem us unworthy of our very real heritage, should we ‘happen’ to ‘stumble upon’ its (re-)discovery. Yet in such simple ways of appreciation of another and of self we get to re-ignite that which always was and is.
So true Victoria – in the past I had put so much effort into the part of me, which I’m not, that is so crazy. And thanks to Serge and Universal Medicine, I start now to see who I truly am, and I can let go of all the stuff which I’m not. It is a journey back to myself and back to brotherhood.
Well said Victoria – Serge Benhayon is a case in point of the power of inspiration and how deeply we appreciate true reflection, true brotherhood and heaven on earth when lived by another – this returns us home to our own Love and immeasurable Power and calls us to be all for the all.
You’ve nailed what this is all, truly about Deborah. The return to truly loving ourselves is but a part of embracing our true greatness – that we can actually live our lives way beyond ‘self’, and be about all.
And so every step we take in appreciating and truly recognising – giving pause to feel – how precious we are in this world, universe and beyond, is worth valuing and appreciating deeply. There is simply so much being broken down here, that we need no longer be enchained by.
Allowing us to feel the full depth of what is there within each and every one of us is a journey in itself – and if we can feel the wonder and immenseness of the universe and magic and delight of the stars up in the skies, then surely this too is a reflection of the grandness that lies within each and every one of us.
Beautifully said Henrietta.
“…giving myself a hard time no longer serves me. It was a pattern that I chose as a way of keeping myself small, of not showing the world the glory of who I really am.” Donna, what you say here is super important for once we realize that we actually choose to run this pattern over and over again, we can make a different choice and stop allowing the undermining thoughts in. And by choosing to appreciate ourselves instead, we fill the empty hole that attracts those thoughts, and gradually we reconnect to the glory within. It must be a setup otherwise why on earth would we choose to stay small instead of expanding in expression of our fullness?
Donna, this default pattern of giving ourselves a hard time is ingrained in many of us and, of course the more we focus on that the more we get the reflection back that, as you say, “confirms my belief that indeed something was wrong with me.” On the other hand, when we appreciate ourselves we confirm our worth which is there all the time and which expands once we acknowledge it because it is naturally who we are, “dwelling inside of me waiting to burst out.” And so, as you explain so clearly in this blog, the more we appreciate ourselves the more we see to appreciate, both in ourselves and in others.
Reading your comment Sandra i could feel the power each of us has to live in a way that is confirming and appreciating who we are or confirming the opposite.
Thanks Donna, a great reminder of the power of appreciation to dissolve old patterns of self deprecation.
Nicely said Tim. It ceases to amaze me that we actually depreciate ourselves and often this is just an habitual pattern. It’s time to turn the scales.
Tim the word “self depreciation” is something I’ve not heard before but is so very apt. If we are not appreciating ourselves and others then we have to be doing the opposite.
Yes Tim this has been a great reminder from Donna and I am on day three of my appreciation program texting my husband each day. I have to say that I am actually enjoying sharing with him what I appreciate about myself and what I appreciate about him each day.
It’s amazing to feel just how much self-appreciation cuts negativity and supports changing the view of ones self. It is a game changer…it is that big.
I can see how this foundation of appreciation is very important and would support me to be reacting less to criticism as I would not deduce myself to being in the wrong but rather even appreciate learning from how others express and so on.
Donna, as simple as it is when we arrive at the point and start appreciating ourselves – the way you have gone is awesome, very tangibly explained and inspiring to those who are not its way.
And the inspiration others can get from what we live is so much more powerful than any words by which we try to convince others can be. What we live cannot be doubted and therefore not be ignored.
Our children have been writing words of appreciation to each other and I have been blown away by the confirmation this brings, not only to them but to us all – the power of appreciation cannot be underestimated.
“the power of appreciation cannot be underestimated”… i deeply agree Lucinda!
What a beautiful thing to do Lucindag. To express appreciation to each other in writing brings a confirmation and an appreciation from you and to us all …I can feel how gorgeous and joyful this is, so I am appreciating it too!
Appreciation isn’t something that comes naturally to me, particularly self appreciation. I have always been very hard on myself in life, very judgmental. It has reduced to tears in healing sessions when I have felt the strength of Gods unconditional love for me, yet I resist showing this to myself. Having been on one appreciation program and now on my second, with many more to come, I’m sure ….. I can truly feel, and appreciate, how appreciation immediately melts the hardness and protection in my body and steers me to focus on the truth of what is and not the what is not. Like watering a flower, appreciation is the water for my heart.
Wow Lucinda, this is gorgeous, ‘Our children have been writing words of appreciation to each other and I have been blown away by the confirmation this brings,’ I feel inspired to do this in my family, whether its writing or talking about how much we appreciate each other, thank you for the inspiration.
Alison Pearson such a beautiful image you have presented ” Like watering a flower, appreciation is the water for my heart.” Appreciation is also for me the self nurturing care you would give a flower so it doesn’t die, yet we so often neglect ourselves.
I agree Lucinda. Words of true appreciation are so healing and allow the receiver a reflection of who they are.
Inspired Lucinda, the expression of appreciation for another is profound and life changing, for both parties.
Absolutely – we raise another and fill ourselves with the Joy we are.
Absolutely Vanessa and Annie, it holds us and reflects a deeper level of self appreciation for what we naturally bring, often we don’t even know we are capable ourselves until we get the reflection in a loving, holding way.
Absolutely awesome to hear Lucinda. We have smothered the fire of appreciation to the point of it nearly being extinguished in our societies – and yet, it ever remains. Give it the space, make it an everyday, natural part of our expression, and watch the fire – and all of us – grow.
Very true Lucinda – appreciation is so important and precious, we should hold never back with appreciation.
I love this simple to & fro of appreciation with your friend – when our day begins with appreciation it is bound to feel different, just this simple shift in our awareness is oceanic in its offerings.
I agree Lucinda it can make such a huge difference the way we are with ourselves in the mornings. Appreciation is a great way to start the day!
Appreciation is like a choice that can take us in a very opposite direction to self-criticism or blame.
Very true Lucinda. And what an awesome support to have. A great friendship.
“As I have begun to deeply appreciate all that ‘I am’, the ‘what I am not’ has started to fade into the background. It is something that I need to lovingly work on, but I no longer identify with it as who I am.” When I met Serge Benhayon I was struck with the profound difference in what he spoke of and every health and support modality I had so far studied and worked with. There was no attempt to change, alleviate or deny what I was experiencing, the focus was to support me re-connect with my innermost, a deeply expanded and wise part of me. And this would empower me to start seeing the issues in perspective and start to heal them.
Within this ‘Being hard on ourselves’ is a super arrogance that judges and denies the truth – we are equal. It seems easier to live in this reduced impoverished state till you realise that you are literally abusing yourself and in the process, all others. Beautiful here Donna to read how with self-appreciation we can become finally free of this ‘self-worth’ disease.
True Joseph, it is self- indulgent no less to beat ourselves up and reduce our magnificence to our faults and past ways. To Live responsibly is to say yes to all that we naturally are, yes to confirming and appreciating our wisdom, knowing and divinity and a big fat yes to the whole of Humanity – our equal brothers being Love first and foremost.
This has been a big ouch moment for me, truly understanding that the self-bashing is indeed indulgence. Another trick of the spirit to think otherwise.
‘Self-worth disease’ is a very apt term. Like a disease this lack of self-worth spreads if we do not intervene and like a disease it can be cured.
The spreading of ‘self-worth’ i consider an ‘ease’ and its lack and absence a ‘disease’.
Well said Joseph. It’s a game we’ve become adept at playing, and one that is ‘societally imposed’ upon us from very young. There is a complete falsity in such self-condemnation and doubt, but it’s been valued in large measure (false humility – strong christian values in this…), with true confidence often judged as arrogant, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
Bringing ourselves to the world in equalness is deeply needed by a world that has largely forgotten (and/or wilfully chooses not to see) just how amazing we actually are.
It was quite a shock when I first began to pay attention to how much I ‘put myself down’ or ‘beat myself up’ in my own mind. I have heard a great analogy that if we had a friend in our lives that was as mean to us as our own minds – we would simply tell them to go away, do not visit, and do not ever call me again! We would not allow that level of abuse in our lives – someone always telling us how bad, or useless, or blaming ourselves for everything.
It takes some practice, and it takes being willing to go a little deeper and look at things – but once you turn the corner and stop letting the mind run its abusive pattern and start appreciating, being kind, and being gentle with yourself – it really does change things.
Thanks for this blog Donna Gianniotis.
I agree Simon, it is a massive shock and we would certainly not accept it from anyone else, but somehow we think its okay to treat ourselves in this way. Its a bit like learning to ride a bike, the more you practice the better your balance becomes and eventually our self appreciation flows, but we always need to be aware of those sneaky little thoughts that want to undermine and berate us. This is such a beautiful blog to support us on our never ending journey of appreciation and deepening our inherent loving expression.
Love the analogy Simon…a very pertinent point: we certainly would not tolerate anyone else treating us this way…and yet we are fine to allow it for ourselves!
Appreciation and being gentle with ourselves is key in turning this crazy pattern of behaviour around…it takes time but is well worth the journey.
Absolutely Simon, I have had this thought before many times, imagine if a friend was as negative about my abilities as I am about myself, how long would we stand for it. Self abuse is rife and often used as we fear being given a hard time for appreciating ourselves. Yet this self appreciation is the key to a healthy productive life.
I agree Simon it is shocking how we talk to ourselves and how common it is. Just stopping this is a major turnaround for someone and all those that live with them and work with them as what is in our mind is around everyone, we are fooled into thinking it is our private thoughts but they carry energy and that is felt. Cleaning up our internal critic is crucial for healing ourselves and our planet!
That is a really good analogy Simon- that if a friend spoke to us the way we speak to ourselves we wouldn’t contact them. Being our own best friend changes things around a bit.
Yes our own worst enemy can be living with us in our minds, which can be challenging at times as there is no getting away from yourself, your mind is with you wherever you go. I have discovered it takes patience as well as practice to silence the mind and stop it from running the show which then allows a much gentle, loving and tender way of being with yourself.
Simon, your analogy brought up the image of a child being continually being told they are not good enough… they cant run away and that whole downward spiral that we are now seeing in our youths today, is this abusive friend that never leaves.
‘As I focus on seeing the beauty in me, I cannot help but see the beauty in those around me’ – and vice versa: ‘If I cannot see beauty in me, I will not see true beauty anywhere else’.
Yes Michael, we need to start seeing and appreciating the beauty in ourselves to be open to see and receive the beauty of others.
And then we can’t but see the beauty in others. It is the beauty that is a beacon of light that is unending and enduring, that cannot be erased by any of our choices, behaviours or ways. We can choose to hide, delay or sabotage however the beauty remains – for we are each in essence the purity of God.
Absolutely Michael and Janina, self-appreciation of our own true beauty is an amazing place to start, it opens our eyes to the beauty that surrounds us in not only others, but nature and the world. What we focus on we create and it feels that to begin to appreciate self in this way as Donna has shared sets us on a path to truly seeing the beauty in life and equally in all others.
Yes, and at a level that connects with the essence of who we truly are…
Deborah, your words here so powerfully speak the truth of our beauty and its eternal nature. Asking us to feel our own beauty at this depth, in its truth… Thank-you.
So true Michael. We miss out on so much beauty not realising it in ourselves !
‘What we focus on we create and it feels that to begin to appreciate self in this way, as Donna has shared, sets us on a path to truly seeing the beauty in life and equally in all others.’ …. I love what you share here Jade. It’s so true, when we bring our focus to appreciation, that’s what we create and what we recognise in ourselves and in others.
True , Michael,the beautiful thing I observe is that the beauty I see in others do reflect my own beauty and I receive a deep remembrance of who I am.
Absolutley true Michael, there cannot be one without the other.
Yes Michael, it all starts connecting and appreciating with our own love and beauty to be able to feel/see it in others.
The doghouse has been my common hiding hole for years. No judge had sentenced me there, just myself as being a judge on all my own actions no matter how beautiful I may truly be on the inside. Insidious and very very self destructive but hence the enormous need for self appreciation to be an established foundation in our lives
So True Joshua, I bet that everyone can relate to this. Reading your comment made me aware of the fact how this ‘doghouse’ prevents us from any form of responsibility. So yes, the enormous need for appreciation is felt and can be seen in the world if you’ve got an honest look and see all the suffering. And by the way, Appreciation is the most loving deed we can give to ourselves. It is truly wonderful and wonderous to feel appreciation inside. The tinkling energy moving and expanding through my body is simply lovely, confirming and warm.
It is like giving ourselves a big tender hug all of the time, feeling held by our own love which is actually the love and wisdom of God deep inside us
The body is just so awesome, the beautiful, expanding and warm energy we feel when there is deeper appreciation and awareness simply feels so supportive for us to choose it again. It would be absolutely ridiculous to not choose this simplicity and naturalness, and yet we don’t sometimes, and in that we could still appreciate the sensitivity of the body from feeling the ill effects of such a choice, which it does every time.
Beautifully said Joshua. I’m getting tears in my eyes, slowly feeling and letting in that ‘our own love is actually the love and wisdom of God deep inside us’. I can feel that I am indeed held, whatever choices I make and made. There’s no judgement, just an invitation to let go of the abusive and destructive behaviour by choosing more and more me, which includes appreciation. I am worth it to be appreciated. First of all by myself. Not for what I do, but simply for being me. For my playfulness, cheekyness, delicateness, warmth, wisdom, stillness, joy, etc. Thank you Joshua for giving me the opportunity to deepen the appreciation within myself.
Adele, this is telling me how utterly precise our body works. How there’s no greater tool as a compass than our own body. Because whenever we do something loving, our body’s confirming that it indeed stems from Love by expanding. It works the other way around as well, whenever we choose something that isn’t loving, the body’s also telling us by contracting, hardening, etc. Many among us are so far away from feeling these feelings as there’s such a great level of hardening and contraction that this might seem impossible to return to. But from my own lived experience I can share that it is possible. Not only was I very hard and contracted and now feeling a lot of delicateness inside of me and actually loving it, I also have seen many people around me that went from a lot of hardness to their beautiful sensitive, delicate self by connecting more and more to themselves.
Totally! Well said Joshua.
I have spent many years rotting in the self convicted doghouse also. Building a deep appreciation of myself has been crucial in setting myself free.
Crazy really how the doghouse is self-made so the get out-of-jail-free-card is actually our own love and appreciation
Absolutely Joshua. When we teach our children to deeply appreciate themselves from a very young age then will the doghouse become extinct to humans.
And if the doghouse was an animal, it is definitely one species I would be thank-full of no longer having on earth
Self-appreciation is my new normal too Joshua. There is this exercise that goes on every day in all moments of awareness is to appreciate myself immediately when a critique or doubt comes in. Appreciating instead of judging oneself, brings more love and expands in clarity our choices and presents the option of how we can choose again, All the exercises we can play and evolve every day, what a gift life is.
Well said Adele. Self-appreciation and self-acceptance is the medicine for any self judgement or critique
“As I have begun to deeply appreciate all that ‘I am’, the ‘what I am not’ has started to fade into the background. It is something that I need to lovingly work on, but I no longer identify with it as who I am.” I so love this Donna – inspirational. What we focus on expands – so it makes sense not to focus on what we are not, but on the grandness of who we are.
Yes very true Sue, when we focus on the what is not us, it seems to become super big, and we can sometimes not see it as the what is not us.
I agree Sue, the more we focus on the fact that we love the more love we allow ourselves to be. Focus on all the rubbish and we become the rubbish!
Exactly James: we choose who we are and how we live. Whatever we choose to see and live will determine how our life feels and unfolds.
And we have absolutely no one else we can blame for anything that happens to us. We are ultimately responsible for the way we choose to live.
Agreed Sue, the more we deepen our appreciation of our own qualities the easier it is to let go of old patterns and behaviours that have been holding us back- creating more space in our bodies to be the love that we are.
“What we focus on expands”: it took me a long time to figure this out for myself Sue, but once I did so much of my life, in which I was just managing to survive, began to make so much sense. Overwhelmed by the complication that I had chosen to live in, I had forgotten the grandness and the magnificence (my word of the day) of who I am – now that is what I choose to focus on.
Thank you Sue and Ingrid, when i read these words the other day it really sat with me ‘what we focus on expands’ and I felt to come back here and add to this..
I recognise the last couple of weeks on how my daily life is and looks so different since i am focussing on appreciating things in myself, in others, my life.
This is how quickly things have changed in my life in 2 weeks! I have gone from feeling overwhelmed and thinking ‘ how do i cope ‘ with change, events etc to understanding with appreciation that the things that happen in life , in relationships are all there to ‘grow us’. And that with appreciating myself, I value and understand the qualities I have in me are precisely what I need to draw upon and express and do to live life.
I understand and feel my power to live life. Each moment is just another opportunity to be love, be loving with others, and myself. It behooves me to live this way. I am starting to understand there is no other way and that all that happens in life is to grow more love! It is deeply needed everywhere on Earth!
I love this Shirley-Ann, “there is a clue here in the word magnificence, as it is a magnification, a magnification of all the grandness and amazingness that I am and appreciate in myself and others.” and that whatever we keep choosing keeps magnifying.
Also the image of the 2 balloons and ….” If I don’t like what I am feeling, choose again… ” beautiful , simple, easy!
Wow yes, what a great word magnificence is Ingrid and well said Shirley-Ann. An appreciation of the expansive nature of magnificence – I love it!
What a crazy pattern indeed; Whenever anyone would question me on something that I had done or said, I would be quick to doubt myself, then I would disconnect from my body to go into more doubt, become very confused, give up on myself and then internally bash myself over the head for not getting it right. I would have also been judging myself for not getting it right, and on the other hand blaming something or someone for it, what does help to push the responsibility to aside. There was a feeling of shame of not knowing all the right answers, not knowing a lot from a high intellectual standard. Now I do know that I had created this excuse myself to not stand for myself in all I am as enough and absolute.
Such a great idea to put yourself on an appreciation program. This is something that all women should put themselves on. I do hear you though that there is a level of self loving choices that you have committed to and taken responsibiltiy for, it is through these choices, that allows one to fully appreciate.
What we shine the light of appreciation on, stands out in relief. Appreciation seems to bring things into being.
Donna I started the appreciation program with my Dad but we changed it a little, each day I sent him something that I appreciated about him. It was amazing, there were so many things that I appreciated about him and he was incredibly touched to receive so many emails that really detailed the incredible man that he is.
Donna I too have been on the same ‘appreciation program’, texting a friend daily about what I appreciate about myself and it has been extraordinary. What I found at first was that my self appreciation was a bit like water coming from a rusty tap, it spluttered a bit but then started to run more smoothly and now it’s a cascading torrent and I find myself not only gushing with appreciation for myself but complementing random strangers on a daily basis.
Donna I love the way that you share your understanding of life from your body, it means that everything that you share comes with an inherent ability to support others to evolve and that basically is the name of the game,
Hi Donna, what a great message you bring with this blog. I can relate to what you have shared and also experienced, even though it is still work in progress, how powerful appreciating our self is to connect back to who we truly are.
I was at an evening yesterday with the subject high conflict divorce and how this affects children. What I noticed was it that there is so little appreciation among people and mostly for ourselves. Appreciation should be the foundation of any relationship, and not hurts, needs and issues.
What a life of illusion we can create to make things really difficult, when in truth, it can be very simple when we appreciate ourselves in full.
Sometimes how we give ourselves a hard time can have such a familiar slant on it we don’t even see and feel it as being so. As you wrote Donna ‘….it has been my normal.’
“I found that my innate way of being really is to express from this appreciation.” We are told that humility and self-effacement are the signs of politeness and virtue. To not be the ‘tall poppy’, but what you have exposed here is that it is in fact natural to stop and celebrate who we are and what it is that we bring to the world. More than natural, it is evolutionary. It lifts all of humanity out of the swamp of holding back and playing small for fear of making another feel uncomfortable when faced with the consequences of not expressing all that they are, and instead offers true inspiration.
Thanks Donna I have just recently begun appreciation texts with a small group of women and at first it felt a little uncomfortable to write positive things about myself and I thought I would run out of things to say within the first week but surprisingly that didn’t happen and I too have appreciated the unfolding beauty in me and the same reflection found in others
“I found that my innate way of being really is to express from this appreciation.” with this commitment i can’t help but feel that there would be no wallowing, no delaying, simply continual evolution and expansion. It is the self doubt, “dog house” way of being that really hurts us.
I have a blackboard in my kitchen that someone gave me for shopping lists. I haven’t used it for a long time, now it has a new use. I have just written my first declaration of appreciation for myself and intend to add at least one every day. Thank you for the inspiration Donna.
Dear Donna, this is so beautiful and powerful, I am adopting the text message routine for myself – program of appreciation that is so simple.
I appreciate your blog sharing your pathway to greater appreciation. A wonderful reminder for all, thank you.
I agree Nathalie this blog is a great reminder. It is so important to focus on appreciation ourselves and others equally.
“As I have begun to deeply appreciate all that ‘I am’, the ‘what I am not’ has started to fade into the background.”
Yes, I too have found that by consistently appreciating myself on a daily basis my self worth improves, self-confidence expands and I naturally want to make more self loving choices. The end result is I say goodbye to the momentum of self sabotage and self-loathing.
I am learning how simple life is when I start to appreciate myself, it really is a game changer. I never used to express my appreciation of other people, but when I do I can see how confirming this is not only to the person I am appreciating but to myself as well, for it is only through self appreciation that I can truly appreciate another.
‘I began to see daily that the amazingness of who I truly am far outweighs all the little things that I had been giving myself a hard time over.’ Yes, when we allow ourselves to do this it completely changes the perspective of how we view ourselves, then others and the world. A great blog which has reminded me that a spoonful of appreciation goes a long way.
Ha! Love it also Susan. If we do not like the game we call life, it is time to bring some players from the substitutes’ bench back into to the game and bring a change. If we do not so – we are played by another. Appreciation has sitting on the substitutes’ bench for to long I say. Time to return. – What joy 🙂 !
“As I focus on seeing the beauty in me, I cannot help but see the beauty in those around me.” Appreciation is such a huge ripple of a wave of love.
“Whenever anyone would question me on something that I had done or said, I would be quick to doubt myself, then I would disconnect from my body to go into more doubt, become very confused, give up on myself and then internally bash myself over the head for not getting it right: the whole time, not assessing or feeling if what had been said was indeed true for me or not.” I can relate to this – it’s use to put me down. I never used to stop and feel if what was said was true or not, I would just doubt myself. Now I no longer do that. I allow my self to just stop and feel what has been shared and body often tells me the truth. I have more self appreciation of my self now.
Donna, I can really relate to what you have written here, ‘My belief that indeed something was wrong with me’, most of my life I thought there was something wrong with me. It is only in the past few years since attending Universal Medicine courses that I realise that in fact there is nothing ‘wrong with me’, quite the opposite in fact. That actually I am really amazing and that the things I thought were wrong with me are not in fact who I am, many of these things I have changed or let go of, such as going into anxiousness about saying something and so my words all come out wrong, or thinking that I’m working too slowly and that the work I produce is no good. I have realised that these things are not true and so have let go of these ideas.
Great inspiration, Donna, to support oneself with a program in order to deprogram the lie.
Beautiful Donna what a gift to share with us all . Learning to appreciate ourselves for who we are and to treasure ourselves lovingly really is a life changer and becomes such a different way to live. Our choices, our health and our reflection with others is very supportive inspiring and is confirmed in all we are and bring to the world.
Hello Donna, your blog is a great reminder of the importance of self appreciation and valuing ourselves. I know in the past, I have been quick to do exactly the same as you once did but found it hard to self appreciate. The tables are turning on this pattern and the joy that can replace the self sledging is sensational.
Inspired by reading this blog yesterday i started with a friend a appreciation program where we write each other two points i appreciate about myself and email her that.
And i started with my partner that we tell another daily one thing we appreciate from another. It is beautiful to focus myself more on what i appreciate about myself and about others and can feel the potential that brings. And that the day is there to be filled with much more appreciation about myself. Holding myself with appreciation and supporting this to grow so i have a foundation of appreciation which supports me in everything i do during the day.
I love it Donna, I think we can all relate. The choice to appreciate is there for us to make and quite a few of us are making the choice. Let’s celebrate our return to Glory!
Giving myself a hard time is another image, another idea how things are supposed to be. I find the more I recognise this, the less I am inclined to pursue such a train of thought. Over time that train then diminishes.
Awesome blog Donna, Self appreciation certainly is key in turning the tides on behaviours and patterns of disregard. Your statement…”appreciation is a pathway to a deeper level of love..” is definitely the consequence of self-appreciation.
This is what I enjoy most about appreciation too.
Absolutely Katie, through self-appreciation I have gotten to know things about myself that I never really knew were there. In truth they were there, I just wasn’t choosing to shine a light on them.
Appreciation is certainly the key to building a loving foundation from which to build our lives. Appreciation for ourselves, first and foremost, and also for others.
Great blog Donna, thank you.
This is gorgeous Donna, thank you with appreciation. I also have found that by confirming and appreciating the amazingness I am and the glorious moments I have, that slowly slowly doubt, self judgement and making myself small type thoughts, dissipate as they have no room to be.
” I found that my innate way of being really is to express from this appreciation.” Expressing from this appreciation is so much fun and truly inspiring for all. Sharing appreciation is a true connection from the soul. Awesome. Thank you Donna.
It is super interesting that we can create such a heavy life of feeling bad about ourselves, taking the blame and thinking we have ‘done something wrong’; it really is a cover-up ploy that we can use to not stop and feel what is really going on or simply reading the situation as you have mentioned here Donna. When we allow ourselves to know our worth and how beautifully powerful we are in all our worth and radiant love, we begin to realise just how much we’ve held back from letting others (or ourselves) really see us and with this information it’s easy to see that we needed a pretty good ‘cover-up’ story to keep our true identity under wraps!
That’s a really great point Cherise, that I should definitely implement more into my life! You are right in saying that beating ourselves up just prevents us from reading the situation, and letting go of it. I do this quite often still; when something goes wrong it doesn’t take long for me to be on the mental self-execution block, however I can see exactly how this distracts me from moving on and growing/learning from the mistake.
Keeping our true identity under wraps, yes Cherise I know I have done that in the past and can still do at times and it really is quite exhausting to do this to ourselves. Better to just to give ourselves some space and be with what is presented for us, much more self loving and honouring of who we are.
That is true Cherise. I was feeling bad about myself about something and had a totally opposite reflection from another where I expressed this but there was a genuine appreciation of me and the other person saw things in a completely opposite light. It is really letting ourselves see us more clearly as we peel back the imperfections – underneath there lies an amazing being to accept and appreciate.
Spot on Cherise – and I have to come clean here and say that I have been very dedicated in my life in developing this cover up ploy and taking the blame thinking I have done something wrong all the time. As you have so clearly exposed, it is a game we play to not read a situation and to hide our power and beauty. It is a game that avoids responsibility because with great power comes great responsibility. Yet when we stop the game playing, what opens up is such a depth of love and power you cannot but accept it, as you know the world is waiting to be reminded of the same within them.
Appreciation is the antidote to negative self-talk and put downs! With appreciation comes further acceptance of who we truly are, behind the shields and masks that we’ve donned and with this comes further expression and ‘letting out’ of who we really know ourselves to be. Appreciation is healing beyond measure, and stops us focusing on what we aren’t to embrace and grace the world with more of who we already are.
And this ripples out when we do appreciate ourselves. I can see it at work with the people I meet and talk to. It is so obvious that I am in control when I appreciate and honour my choices that I have made for myself and for others as a great side effect.
Thank you Cherise this is very beautiful and to be deeply appreciated in our selves: “embrace and grace the world with more of who we already are”.
Donna, congratulations for graduating with honours from your own ‘self appreciation programme’.
I had a few days recently where I dropped out of my daily appreciation and went into an old pattern of being hard on myself. It was awful to realise I had spent most of my life like this, expecting myself to be perfect – yet how can we be? Mistakes are just a natural part of learning. Perfectionism is so insidious and so futile. Coming back to appreciation showed me again how powerful it is. There is so much that is truly awesome in our lives, and so much about ourselves we can love to bits.
Really beautifully shared Melinda Knights. It can be a great thing also to have made changes in your life, then ‘fall back into’ an old pattern and feel the difference of how you used to be all time! I have done this on occasion and it really helps to then be able to appreciate how awesome the changes you have made are – and then it becomes more natural to not go back to those old behaviors again.
That’s evolution!
Awesome.
I do not see appreciation and being hard on ourselves as polar opposites, but rather they work hand in hand. When we deepen our self-appreciation, there are always more things which expose where we are still being hard on ourselves, but they appear to show us how far we have evolved, and there is a deeper we can now go, and more we can appreciate ourselves for. I agree Melinda, it is very cool.
‘Appreciation is a pathway to love’ is absolutely true Donna. I don’t believe there are too many of us who have escaped the perpetual ‘beating ourselves up’ syndrome. When the suggestion was put forward during a monthly group meeting that we all write a daily appreciation journal my immediate response was ‘what a brilliant idea’ but then in came the negative doubts and fears that I would not be able to do it because I was crap at writing and had never even kept a personal diary. So, of course, I didn’t participate BUT everyone else did. One can only imagine how this made me feel. I squirmed with the discomfort and tried in vain to ignore it but I knew, without a doubt, that it was ‘crunch time’ – I either had to step up or step out. It was so horrible to feel that I was actually choosing to be the weakest link in our group. The good news is I chose to step up and I wholeheartedly agree with you Donna – Self-Appreciation is a Game Changer!
Awesome Donna, a blog so needed. There is A LOT to appreciate – that is a FACT. The world in the detail of all its makings is incredibly designed to appreciate it all the way down to atoms; – inside atoms is protons, neutrons and electrons; – inside protons and neutrons are made of three quarks. It’s all fundamentally related the fact that 3 make up the particles of protons etc, – 3 means light or energy. It all comes back to what energy you are choosing – is it love or is it abuse? As you say Donna, and I am work in progress too, to build a foundation (which is 4) is to value myself so that all I do know is me and who I really am. The choice on what you choose will create what foundation you stand with.
Today I learnt a really lovely lesson in appreciation. I’ve recently made a really big change in the way I live in saying no to something that doesn’t support me. The day I didn’t appreciate this I had thoughts coming in saying the change is no big deal so why stick to it, might as well go back to it – not helpful!! So appreciating all the choices I’m making that do support me helps me make them into solid bricks in my foundation. Really appreciating the science of this.
I have found this too Karin, allow any thoughts that try to pull me back to where I was or accept situations that I know are not loving takes me back to the berating and putting myself down. It is like building a new home, if we don’t set the foundations in place in our new way of being we can easily slip into our old ways and the foundations become insecure and less supportive. Appreciation is one of the key elements to our building blocks and the more we appreciate who we are the more this is the foundation from which we can grow. I love how you are appreciating the science of this, I had not thought of it like that but is is true.
I can relate to this Karin. Of course an old pattern is going to try and come back in when we are making a very loving and conscious choice to let it go. Thank you for sharing how the science of appreciation plays out in a practical way.
This blog is so supportive. Re-reading it I remember I still occasionally have moments when someone, no matter how lovingly, points out something I’ve done wrong, or been unloving and I’ll have a physical reaction where I feel shame throughout my body. It’s very unpleasant so to avoid it all my life I’ve tried to be perfect so to never be pulled up on anything. What a tall order to live to, to try and please everyone – to try to mind read.
A more loving, sane approach has to be to stay with myself during these moments, to keep on breathing and feel what’s beneath them. What’s beneath them, no matter how in the wrong I have actually been or how unjust the accusation, is me. I am still there. I am still lovely. The more I’ve started appreciating myself the more I’ve been able to see that my choices and actions that aren’t loving aren’t who I am – so there’s no reason to feel shame over them being part of me or defend what isn’t me. There is an opportunity to be real about these choices and to see why I made them so I can not choose them again.
Taking time each day to appreciate myself brings more awareness of who I am… and in turn I can see and appreciate in others too this quality.
I have started the self appreciation yesterday with a friend and it is very supportive and revealing. And great to put the focus on appreciation and to express that to another person.
I love the practice of self-appreciation that you have shared, Donna! Thank you for that!
This is great Donna – I totally recognise feeling responsible for things even if it wasn’t anything to do with me – putting myself in the doghouse. I have noticed too how appreciation really changes this and I love the idea of focusing on it in a more deliberate way.
Yes, making oneself the scapegoat, I have done this many times. I can see now how little self worth I had.
Great blog Donna I could relate to putting myself in the doghouse too and how when I am there, appreciation is the last thing on my mind.
This I can relate to too. But this in itself exposes a huge trick I feel. When we are there in the doghouse, appreciation is the last thing we feel- yet by consistently appreciating we lessen the chance of putting ourself on the doghouse and also if we build a foundation of appreciation and happen to end up in the doghouse, then it would be easier to connect to and get ourself out.
This cracked me up Alison, it conjures images of a grump sitting off on their own. And this is what really happens, when we impose the ‘doghouse’ on ourselves, we have separated from others.
Thank you Donna and Alison, I agree, and totally relate to the ‘dog house’ being one of my many ports of call that would keep me from appreciating me!
I had a doghouse too, now appreciation the loving care I can hold myself instead.
“Appreciation is a pathway to a deeper level of love.” I am discovering the power of appreciation and it is not something we are taught to do. As I build a foundation of appreciation of myself it is natural to appreciate others. It is a real healing when someone expresses appreciation to us and as much a healing when we give this to ourselves.
I agree Annie. It should be something we are taught to do each day and definitely something I am teaching my daughter to do as she grows.
So true Annie, appreciation is key in lifting us all, seeing in effect God’s gifts within us and within everyone. I love Donna’s programme and it has inspired me to ensure that everyday ends with appreciation for myself, for my husband and everyone I have met in the day, a daily ritual of acknowledging and nominating our glorious love.
Very true Annie, this was never taught to me either, a lesson that is so incredibly valuable. Once I was introduced to it by Serge Benhayon I was off, soaked it up like a dry sponge.
Thanks Donna for a great sharing , as a hard task master myself others and perfectionist in the past . I feel appreciation plays a huge role in our harmony with ourselves and others , so its great to be able to express and explore this more . Keep being the wise awesome ,amazing ,tender loving person you are , in appreciation 🙂
‘Along with the appreciation of myself also has come hand in hand a deeper appreciation of others.’ This is key to developing our relationships and our reflection of each other continues to deepen the more we choose to connect.
And it is really about the choice to connect. We don’t need to think of something to appreciate so much but when we connect to the beauty and truth of who we are then the appreciation is there to build on.
What a great game changer indeed… I know the familiar bat that I kept picking up and I know that it will always be there waiting to be picked up, it will not go away. But I also know my power and strength and that it is a choice whether I pick up the bat or not. The appreciation is such a great key to locking the bat away. Focusing on what is amazing and glorious about myself is one thing I know can always be deepened.
Appreciation is the key to knowing and confirming our strength and power with an absoluteness
Our love is way much bigger than any twig. Because in reality thats what the bat is – there is nothing in this world bigger or grander than our own divine glory and love.
So true Natalie, we can always deepen our appreciation!
I agree Katie. As I have noticed within myself how when I have given in to entertaining the ‘doubt and destructive self talk’ my confidence diminishes, my body changes and becomes deformed in contrast to when I walk with the confidence of knowing, loving and appreciating who I am. This would be an interesting study to undertake.
Yes I find the transformation in feeling how my body is when self-doubt kicks in is remarkable which is why it is great to keep having an awareness of how the body is responding all of the time. I find that simply changing my posture can make a big difference to how I feel ever so quickly.
Great point Donna, I absolutely agree. The relationship with our body is invaluable as it not only indicates to us when we are not ourselves but it can then also support us to return to being ourselves through choosing to re-adjust our bodies to its natural position as you have shared.
Self doubt and self battering only has space to come in if we do not express our love and appreciation for ourselves and life. So as this blog so clearly share’s our responsibility is to adore and celebrate ourselves and if we say no to this then we are by default choosing the self abusive thoughts and self bashing, there’s no sitting on the fence on this one!
‘Our responsibility is to adore and celebrate ourselves and if we say no to this then we are by default choosing the self abusive thoughts and self bashing.’ That’s a great point Danielle. Interesting that the word ‘responsibility’ often makes people cringe and immediately feel a weight on their shoulders, however, taking responsibility can include LOVING our bodies and celebrating ourselves which can be a lovely thing to do, not bashing our choices.
Absolutely Susie Williams the self bashing is in fact still choosing irresponsibility, when responsibility is as simple as being love, letting it out and letting it in, so as you have shared it is loving and a celebration.
‘As I have begun to deeply appreciate all that ‘I am’, the ‘what I am not’ has started to fade into the background. It is something that I need to lovingly work on, but I no longer identify with it as who I am.’ This is indeed a game changer Donna. Self appreciation and appreciation of others should be in school and nursery curriculums across the globe.
It is amazing how we can waste time giving power and weight to the ‘what I am not’ when if we are willing to look we can see there is much to celebrate and appreciate in the ‘what I am’
I can relate to all that you have shared Donna. I found that being with myself in this unloving way, being hard on myself, instantly blaming myself of wrong doings was creating constant anxiety in my life through which I was often exhausted. This was what was being shared with the world. It felt unnatural and I knew that there was more to me than how I was existing in this vicious cycle. Through introducing appreciation in my life I also realised that ‘this default program of giving myself a hard time has been capping my expansion and evolution.’ – well said. I discovered that there was already much to appreciate before I had even done a thing. And by developing this foundation of Love through appreciating the Love that I Am, the Love we All are, already and eternally, all that then follows is a simply journey of learning, growing and deepening my expression of this Love in truth with all, in honor of the Love we all are.
It has been interesting to observe how I can introduce a note of negativity into the way I talk about myself, e.g. ‘I can do this, but I can’t do that’ or ‘I’ve done this, but not that’. That little three letter word ‘but’ has a lot to answer for. Now I am aware of it, I can catch it and feel how different it sounds when I say the first part of the sentence and stop there. It is then pure appreciation with no judgement attached.
I agree Carmel, in our absoluteness, anything expressed as less feels like abuse.
Appreciation when felt from my body blows me away in the confirmation of how amazing I am, that i can even surprise myself!
I love what you highlight here Marcia – that appreciation is felt in our bodies. I have had tears come to my eyes when I have felt the true depth of the qualities I can bring.
Marcia I know that one – I have a joy dance that goes with it.
What I am coming to feel is just how powerful confirmation is, for once you confirm yourself in your truth, glory, stillness, love and absolute knowing – there is no need to ever look outside yourself. For deep down, we all know the truth of everything.
I know what you mean Marcia, it is awesome and we are super awesome and deserve to give ourselves the space to appreciate ourselves more.
Yes James, holding space to appreciate the inner beauty we all hold is a celebration.
I love it when these moments arise when you least expect it. They come from consistently building appreciation throughout the day.
What we focus on expands, everything is there for us, it is the choices we make and the quality of those choices that inform our lives – articulating the many things we appreciate about ourselves is like unwrapping a present slowly and bathing in the awe of what is already there and which we are now seeing and can not deny. Thank you Donna.
Thank you Donna – it is incredible to consider that we have to re-connect to appreciation in our elder years exposing why this natural way to be with ourselves and all others is not nurtured as part of our staple diet growing up as children.
Thank you Donna, the more we choose to live in constant appreciation of who we are the more love we build in our bodies not for self but for the service of others.
Life is an opportunity of constant appreciation, and to live life consistently reflecting this to others is definitely worth appreciating .
looking at it like this Francisco Clara certainly gives us the great opportunity to make our lives , and the way our lives collide with others – much more beautiful and connected than if we walk around always in the misery of what we see wrong with the world.
When we are in appreciation, it allows others to see this too and be inspired to make appreciation their way.
You totally grabbed my attention Donna with your first sentence: “I have spent most of my life giving myself a hard time”, a few potent words that sum up so many years of my life; beating myself up for not being enough, not being smart enough, making silly mistakes; the list goes on. And I used to wonder why I was always exhausted! Through the wisdom teachings of Serge Benhayon I have slowly begun to let go of the self berating and as a result have been slowly learning to appreciate myself, and the most wonderful thing is that I have discovered there is actually so much to appreciate and celebrate.
I agree Ingrid that self- bashing is indeed exhausting. I was tired a lot of the time throughout my 20’s and never knew that the emotional drain that I was inflicting upon myself caused so much tension in my body.
I can also still relate to giving myself a hard time and at the same time I also appreciate myself for not giving up and coming back to appreciation every time.
This is an awesome blog reminding me again of the great importance appreciation has in stopping the self doubt and the beating ourself up after the fact. It is definitely a pattern that has no other purpose than keeping ourself small, a pattern to be broken.
The way that you start this blog with the acknowledgement that you had attracted a pattern to you of being given a hard time is really important. Most often we are not open to seeing the part that we play in situations occurring. This can be a difficult one to accept, as we have to actually be open to acknowledging that we are doing things to make ourselves small or put ourselves down and the situations are created to confirm this. As one who is just really starting to be honest with myself about how this occurs I can honestly say that I can see how I choose behaviours that are familiar to me, but lead to both myself and others giving me (what I perceive to be) a hard time. It’s truly time for change.
appreciation definitely a game changer. Give me 50 large spoon fulls please.
We are both the doctor and patient in that one Luke. The best self-prescription to give to ourselves, absolutely recommended.
Thanks so much Donna, this is such an important subject to explore and the amazing comments are revealing some beauty-full ways to appreciate. I love the way you’ve described the relationship between appreciating your self and appreciating others more as a result. Simply gorgeous, thanks again.
Donna the first time l met you l felt the appreciation you held in your body for you and others. lt was palpable and powerful. l look forward to spending time with you again to feel how this has evolved, as it was so yummy to feel you then. l can feel how yummy this feels within you now and how much deeper it has become for you.
God ‘texts’ us all the time. We tend to ignore this. Often, we do not allow in the ‘texts’ other people send us. We choose read only the messages we ‘send’ to ourselves. What do we choose ‘in’ and what we leave ‘out’ is a reflection of how energetically polluted is our body and this in turn is a reflection of the choices we have made first.
A brilliant way of expressing that Eduardo, thank you.
Yes, love this comment Eduardo, it is necessary to clear the self imposed filters in our vehicles to allow us to receive the beauty that is around us and being communicated 24/7.
Thank you Donna, its so common to have that inner bashing that you mention, I know its something I developed as well as way to not feel the reality of certain situations, that in fact things happen so people can deal with their hurts and I’m not responsible at all! But this isn’t part of the true me at all. The gift of self appreciation is so awesome because it allows us to take a breath when something happens and we can make choices accordingly to those steady inroads that we have built towards our inner loving self.
”appreciation is a pathway to a deeper level of love..” This is so true, and your description of how you’re doing this gives us all great practical examples to follow Donna. Controlling the negative head chatter is a big one for me to master, it shows how it has had free rein in the past and feels great when I stop it.
To me, what Universal Medicine offers us is first of all a clear understanding that we all are in programmes (that is, the activities we carry on repeatedly and as part of our routines, that confirm ourselves in a specific quality) with ourselves. The programmes we carry are not always good for us though. Becoming aware of this and eventually shifting programmes to things that confirm us more deeply in the love we truly are requires an enormous amount of understanding of who we are, the games we have been playing with ourselves to feed the idea that we are only what we are and also will to re-imprint this. And, all of this to avoid the responsibility for standing in the world in your grandness.
Standing in the absolute grandness that we are, we can see the patterns and programmes more and more as choices we have agreed to, they do not diminish our absolute grandness and it does not make sense to keep choosing them. In absoluteness we cannot lie or pretend, there is no room to hide or delay responsibility.
Incredible Donna, thank you for sharing. ‘As I focus on seeing the beauty in me, I cannot help but see the beauty in those around me’ – this is important to note, and could be totally game changing for those who struggle to see beauty and the light in life. We have a growing rate of mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety in our society, where people feel absorbed by darkness and negativity, and cannot see past their hurts and/or pain. Could it be, that this could change through developing an appreciative relationship with ourselves? That as you’ve shared, seeing the beauty in us can support seeing the beauty in everything?
Donna – I really can relate to you giving yourself a hard time – I was very good at this. And what is interesting is sometimes I would get cross at other people for doing something, and I would get very worked up about it, and afterwards wonder how on earth did I allow myself to get so angry at another person, but the truth is the way I was treating people was no different to how I was treating myself. Our internal actions will always be presented to the world. So I had to start to love myself first, to then let all the anger drop away, and be more accepting of myself and other people. A huge healing.
‘Whenever anyone would question me on something that I had done or said, I would be quick to doubt myself, then I would disconnect from my body to go into more doubt.’ Such a degree of identification with our outputs (said or done) is not compatible with honouring yourself first. You are always more than anything you can say or do. That is never in question. Reducing ourselves to that (say or do) is a choice that is a killer for us.
Yes Eduardo, the key is really not to get identified with something in life, no matter if thoughts, emotions, job or whatsoever. The moment we do, we have reduced ourselves, and that feels terrible.
Choosing as foundation giving oneself a hard time in truth is choosing to send messages constantly to every one of the particles that make up our physical body telling them “there is something wrong with you guys (the particles) and with us as a totality”. Thus, it is buying into something false (it is something wrong) and confirming it all the time. In that scenario, it is very difficult to even consider that that instead of a hard time, you can give yourself a beautiful time. So, it is very difficult to leave this behind. Here is where Universal Medicine deserves, once again, a lot of credit.
Donna I can resonate with your sharing…”Whenever anyone would question me on something that I had done or said, I would be quick to doubt myself, then I would disconnect from my body to go into more doubt, become very confused, give up on myself and then internally bash myself over the head for not getting it right: the whole time, not assessing or feeling if what had been said was indeed true for me or not.” Self-bashing has been a default program that I am learning to change also through self-appreciation. I love your sharing of sending a friend a text each day with notes about things to appreciate about yourself in the day. I will give that a go! But what if I didn’t self-bash and allowed myself to feel my preciousness and sweetness? Perhaps I would discover my awesomeness and the next step would be to let myself accept that and let go of wanting to be small?
Beautiful Donna, what an immense gift you offer us, not only in accepting and expressing all your glory, but in also supporting us to put down the internal baseball bat and begin to appreciate who we really are. Thank you for sharing a very simple way to turn this around. I too have spent many years struggling with ‘self chastisement mode’ and have noticed too that supporting myself by making self loving choices in the day has eventually led to me un-earthing all my gorgeous appreciation inside. However, your example of appreciating at least two things a day about yourself brings a renewed opportunity to deepen this awareness, as we can never have too many ways to appreciate ourselves and one another.
I have found that learning to truly appreciate all that I am is an essential quality to have if I am to deepen the love I have for myself. To do this, helps me to realise and live my own amazingness and be able to recognise that in another. And such is love, forever deepening.
Kate, you remind me, how important it is to accept all of me, also the parts, which don’t belong to my real me, otherwise my internal fight will go on forever and this costs a lot of energy.
This is a very powerful thing to do – I also have been doing an appreciation program for about two months now and now I no longer beat myself up anymore, I do appreciate myself and others more, I also am more accepting of who I am and this is leading me into feeling a love for myself that has been missing, possibly for lifetimes! It is like a rebalancing of light and dark within, and we have been trained to only feed ourselves the dark through our institutions and conditioning so the appreciation allows the light back in.
I love the idea of making appreciation a daily focus. The texting idea is great! I going to buddy up with a friend and try it.
Donna much of what you have written resonates with me. I could have written this blog almost word for word. I too am new to appreciating myself and have also discovered the power of it. As you so rightly share we make the little things huge and miss out on the amazingness of who we truly are. Switching my focus from giving myself a hard time to appreciation has been life changing.
“This was when I began a self-appreciation program where on a daily basis via text message I began to share with a friend at least two things that I appreciate about myself on that day. Because I already had a strong foundation of love in my body from the self-loving choices I had been making over the last four or five years, this opened up a fountain of appreciation for myself that I never knew was there, dwelling inside of me waiting to burst out.” Gorgeous Donna – I can feel the bubbles of joy – like the fountain you describe – emanating from you. I have been writing self-appreciations in my diary, but I love the idea of texting them with a friend daily.
That’s true Katie, these patterns are so ingrained we don’t even know we are doing it unless we open up to be more aware and honest about the way we treat ourselves and see the impact it has on our health and wellbeing.
Your first two paragraphs are very relatable Donna. From my early teens I’ve been regularly told how hard I was on myself but never really understood the damage I was doing to myself and others. I’ve also recently started on a program of appreciation and can feel the subtle changes occurring from being a serial self basher to truly beginning to appreciate the qualities I bring. Very powerful and it is lovely to feel as you say “‘the what I am not’ fading into the background”.
‘self-honouring and self-loving’ As I deepen the appreciation for myself these words also change what they convey. Self honour and self love reveal their sacredness and The Way of The Livingness shows itself to be a true religion, a true connection to soul and Sanat Kumara.
“It (to not appreciate me) was a pattern that I chose as a way of keeping myself small, of not showing the world the glory of who I really am.” – That’s a cracker! In fact all of our doubt and fear of not being good enough and playing it small is all because we do not want to take responsibility for our grandness, our glory and shine. We dim our light and so – create shadows, obscurities and powerlessness. But. We. Are. We are Light, Shining and Powerful – lovely to start to appreciate this and so start to take responsibility about who we are and what we are here to bring.
yes this is a cracker, and very exposing that it is something we actually choose not to be all we are and shine in our full glory. Holding back our natural expression is un-natural and causes dis–ease in our bodies.
Appreciating myself more for who I am has also made me aware of how much I actually love people and appreciate what they bring every day.
I so agree Annelies, self appreciation is like the door to an endless love for myself and others I chose to disconnect from.
Yes it’s gorgeous isn’t it Annelies, I have found that too, feeling the beauty in how much I love people. I see the direct correlation between when I am giving myself a hard time to how I feel about others. When I feel appreciation and love for me, I feel that towards others too.
”appreciation is a pathway to a deeper level of love.” I love this Donna, this is so true, as when I allow myself to drop into myself more and can feel my true essence, the appreciation is naturally there to feel and know
I even made the appreciation-thing something to give me a hard time for. “I am so bad, I don’t have enough appreciation for myself.” It’s incredible how deeply ingrained those patterns are. And it needs to be healed step by step, as you so wonderfully describe, Donna.
Layer by layer and step by every little step, we can undo the ingrained patterns. It is so much worth it to take all the time to appreciate our choices and ourselves.
Thats a great trick Felix isn’t it, to convince oursleves that we are so bad we don’t have enough time to appreciate ourselves? I have done the same, but what Donna shares here is a super simple example of a loving way forward, “As I have begun to deeply appreciate all that ‘I am’, the ‘what I am not’ has started to fade into the background. It is something that I need to lovingly work on, but I no longer identify with it as who I am.” Very inspiring Donna, thank you.
Men have this automatic defense system like the gulf war and the Patriot anti-ballistic missile rockets that automatically shot down the SKUD missiles. We will do anything to avoid rejection by defending ourselves from all attacks. Self-appreciation is a game changer, we are not perfect and never will be and until we truly feel how freeing this is, we will forever being just a jack-in-the-box… waiting.
Absolutely Steve, I agree, for me I was more like the “SKUD missile” go on attack first before the defenses were ready. Thanks to the work of Serge Benhayon the love and self-appreciation I now have for myself has allowed me to drop any form of attack.
Well said Steve – “we are not perfect and never will be”. I realise how much I still put myself under pressure to perform in a certain way, and this doesn’t make sense at all.
A beautiful read on the healing power of appreciation. The key to developing appreciation as normal is consistency as you share from your daily texting exercise, “I began to see daily that the amazingness of who I truly am far outweighs all the little things that I had been giving myself a hard time over.”
Appreciation brings such clarity and Donna’s blog has really highlighted how important it is to bring this into our lives on a consistent (daily) basis. Makes so much sense!
Hi again Maree I also loved the texting daily to appreciate ourselves ,what a brilliant idea! Building our appreciation and love for ourselves is a beautiful essential part of our healing and our everyday living really. How beautiful we all are and standing in our glory feels simply beautiful as expressing this shows clearly.
I feel too we have been programmed to be hard on ourselves and not celebrate all our great qualities as people tend to judge that you are stuck up or arrogant. But there is a great deal of difference between being arrogant and celebrating and appreciating how awesome we are and how this appreciation inspires others around us. When we begin to value ourselves we also value those around us more and the appreciation felt confirms to us to live in a way that is loving to ourselves and others.
love what you share here Tracy, the difference between arrogance and appreciation, the first feels like a fortification of being better and by default make others less, appreciation feels like accept ourselves for all of who we are, not just the bad bits, with makes us more accepting of others.
yes, true appreciation and celebration of ourselves can never be arrogant as it naturally allows us to see and feel the equal qualities in others.
What a beautiful blog and sharing that we can all appreciate and see for ourselves so simply and is so full of love, joy and appreciation. A real inspiration of truth much needed in the world by us all. Thank you
I agree Tricia, it is a great blog and a great reminder to appreciate ourselves more and value ourselves and what we bring.
I too have experienced the power of appreciation and it has been a beautiful journey. It has helped change a pattern of feeling less and healed many behaviours that would play out from not claiming my power.
This is a great point Tracy. By not appreciating who we naturally are, we say ‘no’ to the power of our Love and we instead invite behaviours to take over that serve only to keep us held in our separation and diminish the greatness that we already are. The power of appreciation is one that returns us to deepening our knowing of who we are through the choice we have every day to say ‘yes’ to all that we are and all the Love that we are here to live, together.
‘My foundation is shifting quickly and I now see how giving myself a hard time no longer serves me. It was a pattern that I chose as a way of keeping myself small, of not showing the world the glory of who I really am.’ So inspiring to read this Donna having spent a lifetime doubting myself at every turn the power of appreciation has opened up a whole new way of being in the world but I can feel how sharing that will bring more expansion. I deeply appreciate your willingness to share your experience and choice to relegate the doghouse to your past.
It’s interesting that the patterns we have chosen have served us at some point, to keep us small as you say Donna; showing us that we really do invest ourselves in our identity, pictures and held beliefs and that this has served us to ‘hide away’ from the world for a long time. Now that you have felt this way of life to not serve you any longer you have opened up the ‘hiding’ you’ve been in to make way for the ‘exposing’ that is a required process for all of us to go through, to heal our old patterns and choose anew. The way that you have held yourself in love throughout this process is deeply inspirational to everyone as its the evolutionary and revolutionary way to do it!
Donna, it is wonderful to read of the foundation of love that you have built, and that appreciating yourself is shifting this foundation to a new level. Just beautiful.
Self-Appreciation is an amazing counter for the self-bashing. Because rather than spending your days saying ‘Look you did that wrong again’ your filling the space with ‘I appreciate that I can feel that’ – appreciation of my awareness is something recently a friend supported me with. Not just appreciating what I do but what I feel has deepened the love I know I can express. Like saying thank you to my hand if gripping a milk jug at work too tightly or walking heavily, in that thank you to myself there in comes a space to change rather than going into the doghouse and believing I have to stay there. Thank you Donna.
So beautifully put Leigh and how amazing to be able to turn around that default programme from a negative to a positive. It has such a massive affect on how we learn and move forward in life, if we encourage and support ourselves rather than continually berating ourselves for the things we do. Thank you for reminding us of how important it is to appreciate everything we do, even we are being heavy handed, for it reminds us there is always an opposite choice to make.
Thank you Rowena, you are so right when mentioning about being heavy handed (literally and generally towards ourselves and others) that by appreciating the little things even when we feel that intensity and heaviness bringing in appreciation it feels like it clears a fog that was around us. In the fog we believe that we have nothing good to say or feel but the appreciation keeps cutting that energy and pointing out that we do have a choice and we can come out of that way of life.
This is a great article Donna, I can so relate to what you have written here, ‘Whenever anyone would question me on something that I had done or said, I would be quick to doubt myself, then I would disconnect from my body to go into more doubt,’ this is exactly what I have been doing. It is only recently that I have been aware that if someone criticised me or in some way put me down or questioned what I was saying I would assume I was wrong and be very hard on myself. Recently I have been far more discerning and feeling whether in fact what is being said to me is true or not, rather than instantly putting myself down and going into shame or doubt. It feels lovely to be trusting myself more and speaking much more lovingly to myself.
This is a behaviour I automatically go into as well. I just assume I must be wrong. Focusing on staying present so I give myself a space to pause before going into my auto response is what I am now feeling inspired to do. And by continuing to appreciate myself, I am trusting myself more too.
I can very much relate to what Donna is sharing here as well Debra and Rebecca and I love your approach of giving yourself space to feel as a tool to get out of the automatic response that usually follows without me even noticing.
Like you Rebeccawingrave I would be hard on myself and automatically think I have done something wrong, and that still happens to some degree but now I am more likely to stop to see first if what is being said is true or not. Questioning my automatic reaction seems to be reducing my level of reaction and how long I stay in that reaction.
Yes, because it requires resilience to notice that somebody may not be completely accurate with their feedback. It is simpler to just accept whatever we hear from others without discerning and lets us avoid conflicts.
To allow space for fragility to be expressed and to feel what our body shares is an inspiring revelation “The next morning I woke early with the realisation that I was needing others to respond to me in a particular way. I wanted to be treated with love, appreciation, respect, delicateness and to be confirmed that I was an awesome person, instead of knowing this and holding onto this in absoluteness for myself.” I am learning to walk with this “absoluteness”, some times I do, but sometimes I waver. I trick myself that being equal with everyone means that I can’t walk with this “absoluteness”, it is something I am working on. Letting go our investments with people, society, our identity, our expectations is supported by being open to our innate fragility.
Thank you samantha, I know this trick you are sharing about being equal with everyone which would mean we cannot walk in our absoluteness. Very inspiring to read this morning! If I use this trick I know I have been in sympathy with people instead of choosing to love them.
When we sympathise with others, we swallow what they are feeling and hence loose touch with ourselves in absoluteness.
That’s beautiful davidsonsamantha.
Yes Samantha so true the trickier that can be at play, definitely one to keep an eye on! I have found it to be a learning process in allowing the innate fragility and for this not to be a sign of weakness. I love what is shared in the blog -“I wanted to be treated with love, appreciation, respect, delicateness and to be confirmed that I was an awesome person, instead of knowing this and holding onto this in absoluteness for myself.” – when we hold it for ourselves then what ever is in front of us becomes less of a focus and the focus becomes sharing all of who you are. What I have noticed how things around you can start to change.
Well said davidsonsamantha. Letting go of our investments is a crucial part of self appreciation. They keep us hooked into the approval seeking life rather than living the absoluteness of our own true beingness.
The more we can appreciate who we are, the more we see who we are not and what investments, conditions, compromises and accommodations we make and have of ourselves and others. The more we see, the more we can let go of.
Isn’t fragility beautiful. My fragility feels so exquisite and confirms my delicateness and sensitivity. It’s much easier for me to appreciate and honour myself when I accept this is my natural way.
I experience the same, when I walk in my absoluteness and I’m learning as well at the moment, not to make myself small again, just because of sympathy, or because I can feel, when I make myself small again, it would be a relief for the other person.
That is awesome Donna, huge appreciation for you for sharing the blog. It is something I know I do not do enough of. Appreciating ourselves for who we are, allows us to just be without any trying to be better or something else. It takes a huge weight off our shoulders, at least it always does for me!
Absolutely agree James, life is a whole lot easier (and lighter) when we are making the time to appreciate ourselves.
It sure is Hannah – it is also a lot more enjoyable!
So there is pretty much nothing going for not appreciating ourselves – other than making ourselves miserable!
We are amazing, each and every one of us, so what is there not to appreciate. I find the big things easy but the little everyday things harder. The more I appreciate all of the little things and the way I do them the more content I become within my body and the more things seem to flow for me, rather than life being a constant struggle as I used to find it.
Thank you James, what you’ve shared here is super supportive. It’s very easy to focus on the “big things” but bringing it back to the day to day detail and really letting ourselves appreciate how we are with these things is key.
Thanks Hannah, the more we bring appreciation into lives the more natural it becomes. What I find is that I then am far more content within myself and less worried or concerned with what other people may think and so am able to focus more on what I am doing and well its a win win for everyone!
I can very well relate to that James. Whenever I allow myself to just be who I am, without any expectations whatsoever, life is simply unfolding, nothing to be planned, no stress needed.
And what a wonderful way to live. Fully alert and present yet not worried about what is come ahead, simply knowing what will come you will be prepared for.
I agree James when do we ever appreciate ourselves enough? Occasionally certainly helps but it won’t give us a consistent support throughout life. When we make it our daily and dedicated practice we start to build a solid foundation that we will truly benefit from in our lives. I am still working on building this foundation for myself and it makes a huge difference whether I ‘remember’ or ‘forget’ about it during my day.
Me too Judith, the difference is huge It may seem very subtle at 1st but it has a big impact on my day. It is the consistent solid foundation of appreciation and confirmation of ourselves which are great building blocks to living a deeply loving life.
Donna, I love your idea of the ‘text appreciation program’, how fantastic for two people to support each other to remember the things worth appreciating, which there are always many if we so choose to feel into what they are. I am finding that taking a moment to appreciate something at the end of my day is a great support to letting the self doubt and self bashing thoughts go.
Something I value very much with the presentations and teachings of Universal Medicine is the depth of understanding of our psyche and hence behaviours. It is not about changing one´s self-perception or self-image like in re-programming or positive thinking etc but to deeply recognise the purpose of any self-destructive or negative attitude and action, i.e. it serves a deeper purpose of intentionally sabotaging our amazingness. That is another level of understanding and thus healing the human and spiritual being.
Spot on Alex it is only by recognising how we use negative beliefs to sabotage our amazingness, thanks to the awesome Universal Medicine presentations, that we are able to truly heal and reflect to others the possibility of claiming who we are and shining that out into the world.
Universal Medicine exposes the underlying psychology that leads to human suffering and self-sabotage. Without this crucial energetic aspect the absurdity of human behaviour lacks real understanding, hence the dilemma of seeking temporal solutions instead of having true answers that allow for real change.
I totally agree Alex, the clarity and depth of understanding offered by Universal Medicine really helps to unroot destructive behaviours rather than just overriding them with our mind.
Great and insightful point Alex, Universal Medicine teaches psychology at another level all together which has helped me understand life much more deeply than ever before.
I agree Alex. The teachings of Universal Medicine get underneath what is really going on for us and why we behave in the way that we do. Once our awareness is raised we then have a choice as to whether to heal the underlying cause of our ill behavior or not. It is always our choice.
So true and on point Alex. The understanding of energy and it’s purpose that you speak of here is paramount if we are to ever understand ourselves and others. It really is all about energy as presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
Donna, I can really relate to all you say here and all that giving yourself a hard time is so exhausting. I too have been inspired by Serge Benhayon to appreciate all that I am instead of homing in on what I am not. It is so true where you say “Along with the appreciation of myself also has come hand in hand a deeper appreciation of others. As I focus on seeing the beauty in me, I cannot help but see the beauty in those around me.” “
It is very revealing when we realize that we create our own reality, even those events that seemingly just happen and appear to not be under our influence but strangely so consistently confirm our pattern and view of ourselves and life in general. Good thing is that we can change it any time.
What you say Alex makes perfect sense. Try telling yourself a thousand times, you are not worth it. Go then to the world. I bet no one will find themselves in anything but in a constellation that embody and reflects the message you send to yourself a thousand times. We create our own reality. No doubt.
In the understanding that we are the creators of our own reality the age old question arises – if there is a reality as such and or an absolute truth free of interpretation and projection and thus a common determinator for everyone. And if so, how can we know it when we are blinded by our self-created reality?
So very true Alex – every moment we have the opportunity to choose to confirm our connection to love or confirm our separation from love.
Yes Alex its true, when we begin to realise that we are the makers of our own reality we can unhinge our patterns and awaken to more self loving ways.
Interesting that we all suffer by our own creations, then belief that we are victims of it and that it is hard to change or not even in our hands, further struggle to realise the whole set-up, raise the level of suffering, are resisting to take full responsibility while complaining how terrible life is and avoiding as long as possible to re-empower ourselves to finally make different (and very simple) choices. We are for sure masters of creation. Time to remember that we can undo these creations and come back to the original love and simplicity we come from and actually are masters of.
I agree Alex, the good thing is that we can change at any time. Seemingly not so good events can actually be opportunities to see and change patterns that no longer serve us.
Thank you Donna, self appreciation is something I can’t be reminded of enough. Even after all these years I often fail to see the beauty in myself or see even one thing a day that I can appreciate.
Ditto Kev, though I also feel how refusing to see my beauty is a powerful choice to remain in a comfortable, albeit painful, pattern of irresponsibility.
Great call Lucy – I know that one too. In appreciating ourselves we realise responsibility and therefore also purpose.
And yet Kevin we feel and appreciate who you are, your warmth, openness, beauty, fragility – a truly amazing human being. T
Powerful and to be appreciated Donna, that you/we come to a realisation that we are so much more than what we have been told and come to believe!
This is a brilliant line: “Because of this belief I often attracted situations and relationships where I was also given a hard time, which simply to me confirmed my belief that indeed something was wrong with me.” It shows how a belief can create a reality that we then see as the truth or the what is, yet it is not true as when we let go of this belief, the reality changes as well. I have found this myself and it is very freeing to feel I am not my beliefs and when I let them go my whole life changes.
Donna I can relate to so much of what you have shared, the constant doubt and questioning on what I said or did. I’ve recently started a program on appreciation as well and can feel I am only scratching the surface. thank you for sharing.
Gorgeous blog on Self-appreciation Donna and timely to say the least. It is January, out with the old ( the self-bashing, the self-neglect/self abuse) and in with the new: Supporting self through: self-appreciation, which builds self-worth, and loving and honouring self from the moment we wake…creates a new foundation to walk our mother earth.
I’ve been on a similar self-appreciation program as well, and can only agree with everything you have expressed about this Donna! Even though I felt I had developed a consistent level of self-love prior to the program, I had no idea before I started just how much appreciation of myself I had been missing and the effect of this, and just how much appreciation plays a part in confirming the ‘what is’ instead of the pattern of focusing on the ‘what is not’! It has been (and continues to be) an amazing process, firstly the expansion this opens up in relation to appreciating myself and secondly what this opens up in relation to appreciating others. Highly recommended!
There is so much to appreciate about ourselves when we but stop the constant ill patterns and look at ourselves in a totally different way. Great sharing Donna, I could relate very much and was just saying today about how different we can feel when we value and appreciate who we are… it’s like comparison, jealousy and self-bashing are rendered naught.
I love the idea of the texts too Jane. What a great way to affirm and as you mentioned Donna when there is a deeper appreciation of oneself we can’t but appreciate those around us.
Great point Jane. Appreciation is the antidote to being hard on yourself. The difficulty, and the trap, that I get into at times, is that when I am being hard on myself I struggle to see all that is there to be appreciated.
Awesome sharing Donna, I love your statement…”appreciation is a pathway to a deeper level of love..” How true this is…
Yes I love that too – and a wonderful idea to get something imprinted by texting it to ones’ self – how awesome and deeply confirming. And there will come a time then when that texting does not have to happen anymore, as we will just live with the inherent deep appreciation for who we are and what we bring.
I concur with that Karina, I started doing this recently too (not texting but writing it in my phone to view throughout the day if needed), and when you go into the old behaviour and cannot claim the one I have chosen for the day, I have the other one’s I have claimed days before.
I love this Donna: “The Game Changer – Self Appreciation” – what an awesome tool to learn to renounce all that we are not and indeed changing the game to valuing and deeply loving and appreciating who we truly are. The more we can do this for ourselves in truth, the easier it flows out to others to do the same.
Donna, what a powerful blog and a great tonic to read this morning. I’ve been learning to appreciate myself more and let go that baseball bat of bashing and doubt. It can still creep in and today reminded me again of the importance of those things I can appreciate about me, and how with that I see the beauty in me, and build and develop this focus as this is truly who I am, my natural way. To focus on anything else such as the self doubt or the bashing is a trick, one I’ve made very familiar through my past actions, but a trick none the less and why would I want focus on something which is not who I am and which is an endless merry-go-round of pain? If I do so I am trying to ‘fix’ something which is not true and is not me, it’s all about where we focus, and appreciation is the gateway to living and being the beauty we all naturally are.
Monica what you have shared is so beautiful and through which I can feel the power of appreciation. That appreciation offers us all the opportunity to consolidate all of us which is true, the greatness we already are, so we can walk forth with the confidence of knowing the power of our Love and sharing this without hesitation through a body of Love. That which is not true, not of love fades into insignificance as it has no power to run through our body which now holds only that which is of Love.
Carola, I love how you put it ‘so we can walk forth with the confidence of knowing our love and sharing this without hesitation through a body of love’. It reminds me that returning is that, coming back to the body of love we are and with that all else which is not love is discarded, and it further validates the part appreciation and confirmation has in that. We’re just coming back to what we’ve always been and all that struggle and striving was just a distraction.
Love your method of texting-appreciation, so awesome.. what i’ve found starting the appreciation path, is that unless one is prepared to see it, (which your ‘text messages’ are great ‘evidence’ or confirmation of) then what can be seen to appreciate? In other words, we find it hard to appreciate something we cannot see already or feel. Seeing to mark it to then feel it, has been a real key in deepening my Appreciation of myself and also others too, which also helps in drawing me closer to another and not further away in any comparison.
Gorgeous Zofia and very true. Marking our appreciation is key and sharing rather than comparing is very powerful.
‘Seeing to mark it to then feel it, has been a real key in deepening my Appreciation of myself and also others too..’ Thanks Zofia. Love this.
So true Donna, we do so often default to self-bash to only confirm or cement the already held negative perception or sense of worth we have for ourselves… what a game, yet that when this is noted as our pattern we can close this, and open up the path towards appreciation, and shine more, and feel the amazingness of us. Because it’s when we feel amazingness, a true sense of worth is built, and in this we can start to feel more capable, spacious or have increased capacity for (more) responsibility.
What an awesome way to explore and expand our self appreciation through texting – will be starting this very soon.
I too text a friend Michael, we have been doing it for many months now. It has been a lot of fun and a beautiful experience. To acknowledge how many amazing and awesome things are in my life and to take the time to stop and appreciate these with a friend has been really cool to do. I highly recommend it.
Thank you Donna, for appreciating you! The changes in you have been beautiful and powerful to feel. A deeper connection to love indeed from which all benefit.
It is so inspiring to see the power in choosing to explore a pattern of behaviour that is not serving you and bring awareness to why you abuse yourself with it… and from that come to a place where you recognise the path to heal it whilst also deepening your love, is through appreciation. An awesome sharing… for so many of us have or continue to put ourselves in the dog house, instead of appreciating how amazing we truly are.
I loved the practical offer of texting a friend, you could even text yourself!
Yes you could Sally 🙂
I loved this Donna, ‘I began to see daily that the amazingness of who I truly am far outweighs all the little things that I had been giving myself a hard time over. You have inspired me to start an appreciation program all of my own.
This is brilliant Donna and truly supportive. I recognize this pattern. I could feel that until this very last moment I was identified to this pattern and seemingly I have had put so much efford in trying to prove that I am wrong, that I can not do things right etc. (Bash, bash), until you shared this with me. I can no longer play that game of thinking and pretending that this is me (being hard, beating up – wanting to be perfect- behavior). You exposed to me that I am simply not a behavior but I had chosen to live from this energy of self-bashing, but this has simply nothing to do with who I am.
I will take this in more deeply, and start appreciating who I really am. Thank you so much.
I really enjoyed reading your blog and particularly liked your point about the fact that we are made of such vast amounts of love that focusing on something that has gone ‘wrong’, which is just a speck in comparison, doesn’t make sense. Sure, we have to consider, and if necessary, be responsible for our part in what went on, but that certainly doesn’t mean getting stuck in an ever deepening groove of self blame and judgement. Thank you Donna, I’m sure I’ll be back for a re-read!
Absolutely Marika, appreciating, valuing and adoring ourselves and others is a life that is filled with joy.
Gorgeously shared Donna. Nowhere in my growing up years was self-appreciation ever considered. What I have now found from working with Universal Medicine is that appreciation is imperative, both for ourselves and others. It’s like a stepping stone to the love we all so desperately seek, yet with connection, self-love and self-appreciation, soon discover that this love is actually who we are, not something that we gain.
Wise words Jo – love is not something we gain, it is who we naturally are. It is available to all by choosing to connect, appreciate and deeply care for ourselves.
Appreciation is indeed a powerful vehicle through which to re-establish and maintain an acceptance of just how amazing we are. Forgetting to appreciate regularly throughout the day is a sure-fire way of opening up the possibility of not feeling good enough when something untoward hits. Whereas, with a good solid bedrock of self-appreciations to fall back on, we’re more likely to have a bigger perspective when considering the truth of what we might otherwise react negatively towards. Appreciation is up there with drinking enough liquids. It’s a necessity of life.
I can so relate to the default pattern of making yourself wrong all the time. I remember when I would get very nervous when I saw certain people’s name appear on my phone screen with thoughts emerging that tried to imagine what I had done wrong and what they were going to say. It was as you describe – ‘very debilitating’. This pattern was also totally baseless and untrue to boot. If you, writers of other comments and I were all dogged (pun intended) by this self-bashing pattern then so must many others be. It is absolute gold to know that “appreciation is the pathway to a deeper level of love” and the many must know about this. Thanks for sharing your grand wisdom with us Donna .. point taken and I am full-heartedly jumping on the self-appreciation band wagon with you … because I am amazing and because I now can!
Choosing to give up on, doubt and be hard on ourselves is indeed a pattern seen the world over. It is amazing to know that this is actually placing a cap on our awareness, and something we can deliberately (though perhaps mostly unconsciously at first) choose to do. By understanding that this is simply another way we don’t allow our awareness, delicateness and amazingness to shine – we can become stronger in realising it is actually not us and those kinds of thoughts simply do not belong in our lives. Making self-loving and nurturing choices despite these thoughts and making a conscious effort to actually appreciate all that we are is key, and the only way out of this self-hate spiral.
This article has reminded me how much self doubt really rules the roost for me. I go through phases of not being able to make a single decision because I don’t trust I’m making the right one. So debilitating to give all of your power away.
Donna the simple act and committment to sharing 2 things you appreciate about yourself with a friend each day sounds like a great program. As I contemplate doing this for myself, I immediately start to worry about running out of things to say after day 1!! which to me says I had better get on to this asap and stop talking rubbish!
Donna, this is inspiring. I love the practical tip of texting a close friend every day with what you appreciate about yourself, how absolutely awesome! Self-appreciation is huge, at the bedrock of us staying solid and steady in our day to day and developing an ever deepening love for ourselves and others. Thank you.
Just this morning I was giving myself a hard time – asking what could I possibly appreciate about myself when I am clearly not being all of me. Your blog reveals that appreciation is the tool to shifting this pattern of bringing the focus to ‘what I am not’. Playing small keeps me in it. Very inspiring, thank you Donna.
Dear Donna truly inspiring. I can recognize myself in the same pattern. Thank You for expressing this. It inspires me to appreciate myself, too on a daily basis. With love Nadine
It’s quite amazing I do agree Donna, “I began to see very clearly just how awesome I am and just how much there is to appreciate about myself. I began to see daily that the amazingness of who I truly am far outweighs all the little things that I had been giving myself a hard time over.” It is such a simple programme to have with a friend and it can bring such striking changes to our relationship with ourselves and others.
This resonates with me too. I have also done the same in the past but now I have learnt to be gentle on myself when I make a mistake, or when something goes pear shaped to learn from it. By appreciating who I am, this self-bashing habit cannot exist.
Hi Donna – in your comment – ‘If something went wrong or if someone got upset, I would be the first person to put my hand up thinking it was my fault – even if it wasn’t’, you have articulated a pattern that has been in my life, and one I have identified in others. It is a pattern that’s brought ‘attention’, when any kind of attention will do and when one wants everyone around them to be ‘Happy’. Appreciation is powerful and is sacred in the love it holds. It connects us to an amazing light within that allows us to see more clearly the truth. Playing small just hides this light and Appreciation nurtures it. Thank you for exposing yet another way we can all choose to hide and for celebrating ‘Appreciation’, simple, empowering and precious.
I have been a massive self-doubter too, and can see how it would play out in so much of my life as I was always looking to others for the answers instead of trusting myself to know the truth. And I can still see it play out at times, but much less than before as my confidence grows and I form a deeper relationship my divine self, and am better able to discern what is true and what is not.
The power of appreciation is incredible. The more we appreciate ourselves we also naturally appreciate others, cutting the energy of jealousy, comparison and self-bashing.
Donna, thank you for this amazing blog I so appreciate what you have shared. I particularly loved the idea of putting yourself on an appreciation program and finding 2 things you appreciate about yourself, I feel so inspired to do this myself! I loved the fact that you shared this with someone else as it feels like a beautiful way to also open yourself up and deepen your connection with others. My favourite paragraph was this ‘Along with the appreciation of myself also has come hand in hand a deeper appreciation of others. As I focus on seeing the beauty in me, I cannot help but see the beauty in those around me. My foundation is shifting quickly and I now see how giving myself a hard time no longer serves me. It was a pattern that I chose as a way of keeping myself small, of not showing the world the glory of who I really am.’ What a beautiful confirming and revealing blog – just love it!
Same here Marika. Focusing on what I have done wrong makes it easy for me to see what others are doing wrong. Not focusing on appreciating myself makes it hard to appreciate others. Simple, really.
Recently we have been sharing appreciation for what happened in our day, at our evening family dinners. This has been incredibly powerful – like an absolute antidote to the self-bashing way. Even when I miss the dinner, its like I have a foundation of appreciation to celebrate me, on my own. So absolutely Donna, I agree appreciation is a key in being in love with me.
An antidote indeed, I absolutely agree Joseph. I missed my pre-dinner appreciation session today, but as you have described, have noticed the foundation in that I find myself appreciating me all day. Not much space for self-abuse with all that self-love and appreciation.
Beautiful Donna can so relate to the self doubt pattern. I too could have written similar. I have started the self appreciation thread with a friend and have found more of a lightness and honouring of me and am letting go of the self bashing and the need to be perfect.
Committing to a self-appreciation program has definitely supported me to more deeply appreciate all the amazingness that I am. Before dinner, we each share something we appreciate about ourselves from the day. Sometimes I feel so full of myself, I don’t even feel like dinner anymore!
Love it Simone Lewis; ‘ Sometimes I feel so full of myself, I don’t even feel like dinner anymore’! Now there is a natural remedy to lose any extra pounds one is carrying – just fill yourself up with you and to boot, does not cost a fortune.
Ha ha, that’s great Simone. Feeling so full of appreciation and love you are no longer hungry. 🙂
Gorgeous sharing Simone. Made me realise how we really have shunned appreciating ourselves, being full of ourselves, as a society yet when we do it feels so amazing as we are simply appreciation the truth of who we are. Imagine the change if in schools the class began or ended with offering the opportunity for everyone to share something they appreciated about themselves?
An Education Revolution right there Carola. And what if teachers did the same…
Gorgeous Simone. FULL of LOVe 🙂
I love how ‘being full of myself’ is being reimprinted to what it meant before it was reinterpreted to mean something negative. I love being full of myself, and i being so, everyone gets the full me full of love.
That’s super awesome to hear Simone, dinner at your place is evolutionary.
I agree Marika, this blog could have my name on it as well. I take pride in my work as I want it to be perfect and correct. As soon as someone approaches me I instantly go into anxiousness as my perfection maybe about to be challenged. Then the rest unfolds as Donna has described. I’m learning to let go of perfection whilst keeping my integrity and accept that I can learn from my mistakes. Allowing myself to appreciate that I am in a learning position has given me space and time to grow in my role which in turn has allowed others to feel my confidence and begin to trust me.
Yes Jane, it resonates for me too as something that can easily creep in. I am discovering this is also held in place by having pictures of the way things should be, starting with myself of course. From the picture comes the expectations, ideals and beliefs we then have to live up to… an insidious pattern that fosters a constant lack of appreciation. Letting go the pictures and developing appreciation as Donna describes is very liberating.
What you write Jenny about having pictures and expectations of how ourselves, others and life should be is worth understanding – no doubt it taints all there is to appreciate.
Yes Deanne, imagine if all our ‘gap-filler’ thoughts… the ones in between all the things we have our attention on, were about appreciation, rather than the more usual negating, undermining, comparing or critiquing thoughts that otherwise pervade. Committing to texting 2 appreciation comments daily would be a great way to start bringing a whole lot more awareness to how little of this we do, and how much we let in of the degrading sort.
Donna this is such an awesome blog and super cool to reflect on. I related to so much of what you have written and have really felt the impact appreciation can have. When we appreciate who we are, the ‘nasty stuff’ about being wrong or not good enough have no room… they can’t even be entertained any more as what has been confirmed in the body is so much more real and true.
Donna, It recently became very clear to me that What you expressed is exactly what I had also been choosing to do. I also started an appreciation file for myself and I was amazed that in just a few days I could feel such a difference in me. I was not feeling that constant tension in my body and by appreciating myself I can now appreciate others.
Thank you for sharing your experience of appreciation Donna. I feel like I don’t do this very well or only appreciate at a superficial level. I feel there is a depth of appreciation that I am yet to explore and that the what I am not tends to loom large a bit for me. I am inspired by this blog to commit deeper to appreciating all that I am.
Hello Donna, I can really relate to what you have written for I have come to realise how following – beating myself up – leads to a lack of confidence issues and adds to the feelings of lack of self-worth and how harmful this cycle is. Only recently have I began to really appreciate the huge changes I have made in my life and continue to make and “the ‘what I am not’ has started to fade into the background” and now really understand that building a foundation of true appreciation for myself also allows me to fully appreciate others and that it is a pathway to a deeper level of love for all.
Any little non-confirming nuance from the outside world can be interpreted to mean (when we run the old software) that we are not good enough, just as you describe:”… quick to doubt myself, then I would disconnect from my body to go into more doubt, become very confused, give up on myself …” And it is the disconnection from the body that then really cements and confirms this ill belief further if we don’t put a stop to it.
I agree Gabriele and Donna – the body is the marker of all truth and can in fact tell us everything we need to know at any given time, but instead of connecting to that when we need it the most, we do the exact opposite – we disconnect. We go into protection, self doubt, disregard and any sort of distraction not to feel what the body is telling us. This is
a game that most people are playing without even being aware of it.
Donna I love it… ‘No more doghouse for me! I found that my innate way of being really is to express from this appreciation.’ I can very much relate, and agree in full that without true appreciation for ourselves, there is no getting out of the doghouse 🙂
Donna I so appreciate your sharing. It is spot on. All we need to do is truly value ourselves and when we do we grow in appreciation.
Agree Kathleen.. and imagine if our default was Appreciation, not Self-Bashing? There would be ginormous amounts or foundations of true worth and value that would change the way we work, how global business is run, corporate cultures created and so on…I say this because in my job of Recruitment, a very high percentage of people looking for a job, quit a job because they don’t feel appreciated by the company or boss. When there is appreciation, there is joy, and this is the way we work.
Absolutely Zofia this would transform the world of work and the quality of output whatever the business.
I can feel how true that is Zofia, I have never felt appreciated in workplaces by bosses, and as I am expanding my business and recruiting freelance support I can feel the importance of appreciating what they are offering.
‘Imagine if our default was Appreciation, not Self-Bashing. Zofia let’s go further and make Appreciation our normal and because we can. These words are spoken by someone that spent decades self-bashing, and now absolutely loves and appreciates herself.
Yes Zofia, appreciation would be a great default and would change everything as not only would be blossom and grow we would no longer look for validation outside of ourselves.
Simple really isn’t it 🙂
Yes karina, and yet the simple things are so often overlooked
This is so gorgeous to wake up to Donna – a call to look deeper at the patterns that bind us to ‘what we are not’ and appreciate the endless beauty and true love we are.
‘I would be quick to doubt myself, then I would disconnect from my body to go into more doubt, become very confused, give up on myself and then internally bash myself over the head for not getting it right’. I find that that anxiety plays an important role in all of the above. It gets mixed in with self doubt and seals the deal with confusion. The internal bashing is frustration because I/you knew the answer but our self confidence was overridden by the anxiety. Appreciation is a glorious way to build your self love and acceptance. It builds up your self confidence and brings down your self doubt.
This is very beautiful Donna, I love reading and learning about others experiences in developing appreciation and love in their lives. It is both very confirming and inspiring.
I love the way you texted 2 things you appreciate about yourself to a friend everyday – feeling inspired to do this as well, thank you.
The whole world is waiting for others to appreciate us, for in our deep within we know how awesome we are and we are waiting to be confirmed. But no power is as powerful as appreciating and confirming ourselves consistently so, as this rebuilds a momentum within ourselves that the whole world is lacking, a momentum of living the true value and worth of who we are. Appreciation exposes abuse in the world, it rebuilds our natural state of love.
Spot on Adele, when we start to appreciate ourselves, the self-abuse gets so easily exposed as it no longer is sustainable under the new choice to self-appreciate which builds a path-way to self-love.
I agree Adele, there is huge power in appreciating ourselves and when we do we cannot help but inspire those around us to start appreciation themselves too. It is abundantly clear from all the wars and atrocities that litter our planet that appreciation is sorely lacking.
The power of appreciation and valuing ourselves is a true game changer in bringing back a sense of our true self-worth, its marriage with self-care, self-nurturing and self-love works hand in hand in rebuilding our body of love. We are all born awesome, and through the very simple act of self-appreciation that you have awesomely shared Donna, we get to experience again what our natural state (of awesomeness) feels like. Self-appreciation is one of those very simple things which only amazing things can come from it, and yet how many of us feel it is too simple or even impossible? What does this tell us about the state of our world?
‘I began to see very clearly just how awesome I am and just how much there is to appreciate about myself. I began to see daily that the amazingness of who I truly am far outweighs all the little things that I had been giving myself a hard time over.’ – Beautifully said Donna, I can relate to what you share as I often used to put myself down. I can now feel the importance of deepening the appreciation for myself at all times, a work in progress but a worthwhile one that is supportive and loving.
Appreciation of ourselves should be our constant consistent message. It would be incredible if appreciation of self were taught in schools, it might just change the course of many peoples lives and take away that anxiety that is fostered that whatever we do is never enough. This is the lie we are sold on from an early age and it only takes gentle loving application to shake it off as Donna has beautifully shared. The fountain of self appreciation is lying in wait for all those who choose.
‘…that anxiety that…whatever we do is never enough’ – yes agree Stephen, the anxiety we run seems to underpin just about everything in our lives, and keeps us in the endless loop of doing. If we developed a rock solid sense of ourselves – of ourselves as beings first and foremost – and appreciate that, I have a sense this would go a long way to alleviating our current woes.
Agree Stephen, i’d be an advocate of this too for schools curricula because appreciation is a confirmation, which helps to support a person in their own self-confirmation which builds confidence and importantly trust to eliminate the pain of anxiety or self-doubt that create the pit of low worth or value. Self-doubt or anxiety is a repellent, Appreciation an invitation to draw in snuggly.
I totally agree with that Stephen, self appreciation and self love should definitely be on every schools curriculum and everyone should be taught that we are all special in our own way and not getting top marks or being the best runner doesn’t make you any less of a person.
Yes Kevin, it is very constricting the way we have set up school at present, where achievement marks your worth. Yet school is very narrow in its measurement of what achievement is, and to not recognise the qualities that every child brings is really quite appalling. Nothing is gained by the current approach, it just creates a lot of stressed out anxious children who are marked by problems as they grow up. Each individuals potential is enormous and I question why we so willingly crush this with our need to measure so narrowly the definition of success.
Yes imagine if children are taught from a young age to deeply appreciate themselves and that this was an exercise that they could never get wrong – it would change the world.
Agree Stephen. I have noticed this also. Very few can come up with one thing that they like about themselves, however the list of things they dont like goes on and on. When this happens with children it is very telling and mirrors how the majority of the adults around them are.
Donna, I love the title: Appreciation – Pathway to Love. It makes so much sense that when we truly appreciate ourselves, we do feel more loving towards ourselves and others but whilst there is a harsh and berating part of us focussing on all the things we are not and all the mistakes we make, there is little room for love.
Yes this resonated deeply with me too – and I think it would with many people. I have come a long way with the hardness but it is appreciation that is the key and it is a commitment. Like Donna did with the texting. Whilst it is something so natural, it feels so unnatural because it is simply not practised anywhere near enough in this world.
Indeed, it is the lack of practice or even of being taught that appreciation is a powerful tool to confirm who we are instead of the constant critique or self-doubt that kicks in. And as the blog says: at one point by appreciating ourselves the others things become small and just a learning.
I like your use of the term ‘the hardness’ Sarah for that is exactly what it is: a hardness in ourselves against ourselves. It’s both hard as in harsh, and hard as in hard work. Gentle appreciation is to be preferred for sure.
That’s exactly it Sarah – appreciation should be so natural and it will only become so with constant practise.
I agree Sarah, that is our natural way, so this feeling that it is unnatural is also a reflection of where we as a society are at. Appreciating our self brings us back to who we truly are and live in a way that confirms us rather than bash or doubt our self which serves no-one.
Thank you Donna, I used to feel that whatever happened to someone else was my fault, but now see things differently in that we are only responsible for our own choices. This change of attitude helps a lot to remove the burdens I carried and releases me to mind my own business and get on with my own life and leave others to do the same.
Susan I have found that the more I appreciate myself daily, and surrender, allow and accept all my body is showing me and make any changes it is communicating to me, the burdens I was carrying and took on, just drop away.
What a great blog that applies to so many of us. I used to always blame myself in any conflict or disharmonious situation. Since I have grown to appreciate myself I rarely blame myself or others but simply bring understanding to a situation. If someone reacts to a situation it is usually due to a past hurt. Therefore, regardless of whether it is me or someone else or both reacting, it is never a question of personalising but simply seeing things as they are and not needing them to be different.
Yes understanding is key. I can give myself a hard time at times but I love how you share to understand that I am reacting from a past hurt and that I am not in essence ‘bad’. In fact we are amazing in essence and there is no way to change this.
ha ha that is the big joke isn’t it – we are all Divine at essence. We are all pure love and truth at essence and no matter how badly we behave, how much we judge ourselves and others, no matter how much we deny it we can’t change it!
Thank you Nicola, yes understanding is key and also in the case of feeling hurt by reactions either from myself or another I find how crucial it is to feel my own fragility and to just be very loving with myself by asking my body what it needs instead of denying myself and getting frustrated and going in a very disempowering mode.
I agree Jane. What a great idea, to text a friend what you appreciate about yourself twice a day. I am inspired by this as I too can get caught out by lack of appreciation for myself and this is a really simple way to confirm all that you are.
Yes, I might try this out and SMS myself, or, in truth is this hiding my true potential and resisting the fact of being rejected. Then again, its me that rejects me. So, if I am willing to do this daily how can I be wrong when its me learning to go deeper with myself and really appreciate that I am making a commitment to choose this instead of the easy old way of abuse and comfort of existing with the abuse. I’d rather be claiming some simple thing I know is true and living life then something that brings me down …
The doghouse has been a most frequent abode for me also Donna, so much so it could appear I like it in there, and was considering taking up permanent residency! Stepping out however I was to discover what had been missing was appreciating who I actually am, upright, or ‘downright’ full of gorgeousness 🙂
Ha ha Giselle, your comment made me laugh. It’s funny that when we have taken up permanent residency in the dog house we don’t even know that there is somewhere else to live until another reflects that too us. Deep appreciation for Serge Benhayon and all of the students of The Way of the Livingness for offering that reflection to us all.
hear hear Donna I am astounded by just how much I am continually inspired to be more of who I innately am, by Serge Benhayon, his family, and students of The Way of the Livingness, including yourself.
Yesterday when working with a group they got an assignment to express what they appreciated about one of the other participants and also mention something each of them appreciated about themselves. Complimenting another was more easy for all of them than appreciating themselves. We are so used to looking at the things we don’t like about ourselves or do wrong. Appreciation is a game changer and crucial for a healthy life.
Appreciation counters the pain and ongoing creation of rejection.
Yes, and appreciation allows flow, expansion in our body, connection and growth, whereas rejection creates stagnation, narrowness, separation and involution.
There is so much to appreciate about ourselves! This is a forever deepening process, without which there can be no growth or evolution. Not the one who wants to learn and grow the most, but the one who captures and appreciates every single change.
I have found that “self-appreciation” has a very stilling effect on me, specially when I am visiting “Restlessness Land” when something has happened that has exposed where I was at and didn´t want to accept. It is indeed powerfully stilling and a path back to self-love.
In what you share, I understand how appreciation and self-acceptance go hand in hand and thus holding ourselves under judgement and self-bashing naturally cease.
Great point Luz. I too have found that self-appreciation is a great way to switch my focus when I’m experiencing negative thoughts or feeling anxious.
Your JOY and aliveness is felt through your words Donna. As I close my eyes and just feel how I’m left feeling having read your blog, I have the sense of a woman who is centred, vital and knows who she is. B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L-L.
This is great: “I found that my innate way of being really is to express from this appreciation.” This is amazing, considering that many of us (including me!) have lived exactly expressing from the opposite: hard criticism, self-punishment, and so on. I have seen myself finding it very easy to appreciate others and what they bring, but when it comes to me it is as if I don´t measure up.. how crazy? More appreciation from today, thank you for the amazing reminder.
Luz, I agree with you, self appreciation is very stilling as you are acknowledging your deep inner essence of the woman, that is absolute stillness.
A big lesson for me to stop focusing on the “what is not” (I am almost obsessed with the what is not!) and more attention and appreciation to the “what is”. No point in delaying things endlessly, I can also accelerate my return back to who I really am by choosing self-appreciation. Good thing though, is that my appreciation will have a good foundation of honesty and responsability. Could it be that those who have been masters of criticizing themselves, are actually very honest, down to earth and with great attention to detail at their core? But have perverted the whole thing against them to then get glorified in their struggle? Appreciation how amazing you are, how much simplicity you bring to life. Just beautiful. Starting a self-appreciation program today (not sure about the selfies yet!)
I would say that most of the world is focused not on what is truly awesome about themselves but on what they consider is wrong with themselves. To turn this around through working with self-appreciation is indeed a game changer for all of us. Thank you Donna for writing about this most important topic.
And the judgements that come with ‘feeling wrong’ are awful. I had so many judgements on myself and also others and this is still something I am working at, deeply appreciating myself is very supportive to let go of this way of living. And the more I truly appreciate myself the more I feel how natural it is for us all to do so.
Indeed Elizabeth – from young age we are learning to focus on what is ‘wrong’ with ourselves. It is crazy, when we know that this couldn’t be further from truth.
Hi Donna, I can relate to All of what you have expressed. I love how you have said this with such clarity and honesty:
“Whenever anyone would question me on something that I had done or said, I would be quick to doubt myself, then I would disconnect from my body to go into more doubt, become very confused, give up on myself and then internally bash myself over the head for not getting it right: the whole time, not assessing or feeling if what had been said was indeed true for me or not.”
This realization is huge, because it involves our Expression and how we relate to life and others without a steady foundation within and vulnerable to the opinions and feedback from others. If there is not a good foundation of knowing (truly appreciating) who we are (the loveliness that we are) we can definitely fall into so much confusion and sabotage. What a waste of time. Awesome to expose it. Good bye self-doubt, even if we make mistakes, they are nothing compared to the grandness of the Loveliness that we are.
Absolutely Luz and what I have found has really supported me with saying good to the self-doubt is diligently working on my connection with my body so that when those moments arise when I am questioned on something, I am able to stay with my body and stay steady in it and from there I know what is true or not. As soon as I lose myself and there is no longer a connection, I then go into doubt.
Thank you Donna for this new reminder: “….diligently working on my connection to my body…..I am able to stay with my body and STAY STEADY in it…”. Will bring this with me.
Donna this is great. Staying connected to my body supports me not to go into self doubt. Our bodies really are a powerful marker and something we can trust.
Donna your awareness and unfolding of appreciation is very inspirational and supportive. What you share with your friend is gold. A few of my friends are doing this as a group on a daily basis, with a selfie to match. As you share, there is so much to appreciate in ourselves and life and this supports more to be grounded and appreciated. The addition of the selfie for me means that I bring all my connection and purpose to what it is I’m feeling when I write and share the appreciation I’m feeling. Last night I was sharing what the group is doing with a friend, and she is also inspired to start to take a selfie and include appreciations and share them. I get the sense of what a wonderful way this is to have loving reflecting through our communications. Imagine everyday having messages pop up in inboxes and texts reflecting how amazing we are, and confirming how much love and support is among us and in the world. Using devices for lovingly supporting humanity. I’m deeply appreciative of the commitment of the group that we are sharing this with, and all the amazingness they bring.
Hi Sandra, yes the selfie adds another dimension to it and since writing this blog, I’ve also committed to the selfie program which I had resistance to at first but since doing it has led to a deeper level of appreciation of myself. The first couple of days with the selfie I could feel the self-criticism there, but after a few days I really started to enjoy it and like the self-appreciation program it opened up a flood gate of adoration for myself that I didn’t know was there. Indeed these are powerful programs.
Beautifully said Sandra, I recently have started an appreciation program with a group of beautiful women and it has made us all realise how amazing we are through the loving expression of appreciation.
This is a pattern so many can relate to I am sure. I know I can and it is something I too have been recently realising is not in any way loving and in any way who I truly am. I know now that this pattern is not just evil for me but it is a complete giving over of my power to something outside of me. The other person may actually be ‘out’, disconnected from themselves and not expressing their truth and love, and with this pattern, because I doubt myself based on what they say, they could be saying something totally false and need the true reflection of love that I am, and they would simply not get it when I give my power away. The power of true appreciation.
I don’t think many people realise that appreciation is a pathway to a deeper love, I certainly didn’t. I was taught or perhaps soaked up that you never spoke highly of yourself, never complimented yourself, that you mustn’t be vain, or have tickets on yourself, and so while these beliefs never totally knocked out a base level of love I felt for myself, I have likely capped that love through not clocking any appreciation I had. Good thing I feel confident now to express the adoration I have for myself, and now my daughter won’t necessarily grow up with such a belief as I had.
Your self appreciation program Donna great idea. In fact with my own diagnosis of self doubt that can occasionally step in and rear its head I’m enlisting straight away. Thank you a very inspirational sharing.
What you are sharing with us all Donna is super inspiring and I can certainly take a leaf or two from this today. To first appreciate self as then the flow of appreciation of others is soon a part of the bigger everyday picture.
Thank you Donna, I can relate to the immediately searching for a fault in me when something went wrong, it used to be an automatic/normal reaction for me, and I can also say that simply by starting to appreciate myself and with that observing and standing by my side, allowing me to acknowledge how things are for me, I have become much clearer of situations and do not always automatically jump to the conclusion the the fault must be mine.
A great example Esther of choosing ‘observing and standing by my side’. I love this. I too have found that unless I back myself and become my own true supporter first, then I am looking for someone else to appreciate what is my own development. It is another way of not taking responsibility and giving my power away. Thank you!
“Because of this belief I often attracted situations and relationships where I was also given a hard time, which simply to me confirmed my belief that indeed something was wrong with me.” I just understood to a deeper level that what we send out we get confirmed. Unless there is somebody out there who lives detached enough to not simply react or reflect what other people want confirming. That is only possible if we learn to observe people and not absorb their issues. Than we are able to hold a loving quality for them to feel and connect to in themselves if they choose to.
so blessed to read this today thank you Janina. “I just understood to a deeper level that what we send out we get confirmed” I also have understood this more deeply as well. The quality of energy we emit is the quality we receive back. Love what you have shared also that its possible to live detached to what going on in the world and simply reflect.
“As I have begun to deeply appreciate all that ‘I am’, the ‘what I am not’ has started to fade into the background. It is something that I need to lovingly work on, but I no longer identify with it as who I am.” Beautiful to read Donna! It is possible, like you have shared, to turn around the way we life, from deep disregard to appreciation, and this needs to be shared with the world as many women and men have issues of lack of self worth and rejection.
This is a great idea to put yourself on a self appreciation program with a friend, this is something i will be starting too!
I did for 3 weeks and it change my life! Claiming appreciation is very, very powerful.
I mean not just claiming it – practice it!
Very inspiring Sandra,I totally agree that . . . “Claiming appreciation is very, very powerful.” . . this is worth a go. My program starts now!
& I say : Yeah!
Yes it is Janina! I highly recommend it it is very fun!
Super inspiring blog Donna – I can relate to so much of what you have written here, I have also learnt that to truly appreciate myself is a forever development and something that I cannot take for granted but make it a conscious choice in my day to day living.
Thank you Donna for this sharing. I have recently begun an appreciation diary with myself and the first couple of days was a bit crunchy but now I run out of space. It seems like once the process starts so much more overflows out!
This reflection that you have described has such power to heal “This article was inspired by Serge Benhayon and fellow Universal Medicine students and practitioners who have reflected that appreciation is a pathway to a deeper level of love.” I am learning this and living this for myself now and appreciation and understanding of myself and others is my path to living with love.
I know I have given myself a hard time and although I have developed a deeper self worth, it is like a sliding scale of being hard on myself has come with me, not as hard on myself as I was but I still can be hard on myself “I began to see daily that the amazingness of who I truly am far outweighs all the little things that I had been giving myself a hard time over.” When I feel the most full and truly me is when I appreciate myself and so naturally appreciate those around me. Life becomes, as you say about ‘what is’, rather than ‘what is not’ Appreciation is healing.
Yes Samantha appreciation brings so much healing of past hurts from being so hard on ourselves and opens us up to expand into the glory of who we really are.
Appreciation is HUGE, both ways, It is HUGE as a true foundation for self-care and love, and there is a HUGE lack of appreciation. I am introducing appreciation at the places I work and it is absolutely wonderful. It is in the smallest of interactions, the way we look at people, how we say things, and like you share, to focus on what there is. Like I said before in one of my comments, the world needs a true appreciation revolution! I have started here in Holland.
Bravo Mariette. And ace to hear your appreciation of what you are doing. I whole-heartedly agree. It is the simplest and easiest of acts and it is invariably lapped up by the recipient. Keep on appreciating. Lucky Holland!
Thank you, Donna. This is exactly what I needed to read today. I do far less of it, but self-doubt and giving myself a hard time do come up every now and then. “Because I already had a strong foundation of love in my body from the self-loving choices I had been making over the last four or five years, this opened up a fountain of appreciation for myself that I never knew was there, dwelling inside of me waiting to burst out” – I love this sentence. It makes it so easy to see how self-appreciation is what confirms our choices to be self-loving therefore strengthening both as they go hand in hand.
What an awesome way to develop appreciation for yourself. It is amazing the healing that awaits and the changes that can evolve when we open ourselves to the possibility that we are more.
It is interesting how prevalent this tendency to think we are wrong or that there is something wrong with us is. Thank you for sharing your program, it was inspiring to hear how the appreciation was such an effective counter for the unhelpful criticism.
It is so great to have such a simple tool at our hands, that allows us to deeply connect with and appreciate our selves; and the more we can do that the less we will have the doubt and de-valuing of our selves going on. Just awesome.
Great article for me to read right now, but the classic thing I noticed is you have a BA in communications…love it how university training in communications does teach us how to communicate with ourselves!
Absolutely Joel. BA of communication only touches on one level of communications by the sound of it. There is a world of energy, and much is communicated in our state of being and by our actions.
Love it… We need to study a BA in Clairsentience… what a course that would be
When we complete we find out we have already mastered it..
Love it… Harry… we could already feel the entire syllabus.
Donna from a former fellow dog houser I can relate to what you have shared. I love how choosing self–appreciation saw self-bashing cowering in the corner! Very Inspiring!
Yes – Sharon you are so right, we must start with appreciation of how gorgeous we are first before anything else, and then lets see if we find the need to self-critize, bash or be hard on ourselves (beating up).
Gorgeous Donna, and very relatable. I too have had a very loud and active inner critic and have to be vigilant about this also. The text program is a great idea – very practical, simple,
building and confirming. I’d like to try that.
Donna I love the idea of starting an appreciation text messsage program. Appreciating ourselves opens up a world of appreciation for others too. A beautiful way to be in the world I feel.
Appreciation also presents to you the magic of nature and how it is a part of our life and the role it plays in the bigger picture.
It sure does Lindell and it just happens so naturally – no trying necessary!
I agree Kelly, such an awesome idea. I just started a list to myself of all of the things I appreciate about me….!
Brilliant Brooke. I have also started writing down in my journal what I appreciate about myself too and it feels so beautiful.
I love this idea too Kelly. It is a great way to start self-appreciation and support others to do the same. Reading about someone appreciating themselves is deeply inspiring.
Recently I spent a morning with a friend who is dedicated to appreciation. This changed my life I noticed in some situations I would automatically talk about what wasn’t up to scratch or required work. Each time she replied in appreciation of what was working. There was much strength, power and support in this and I left that day inspired to bring more focus to appreciating myself and others in life.
How glorious Abby. Appreciation is something we do not engage in nearly enough in life. I too find that I am deeply inspired when I witness another person who has mastered this aspect of life and openly shares it bringing greater focus to so much in life that is always worth appreciating.
I know exactly what you mean Abby about always talking about what you feel is not quite up to scratch about yourself. I do this a lot. Like you I have observed that there is another way to live and that is to deeply appreciate all the great things about me, give them focus and let the rest take care of itself.
That’s really beautiful Abby, and great to look at how self doubt and lack of appreciation plays out… when I read Donna’s blog I was thinking of appreciation in who I am, but didn’t extend that to appreciating situations and how things are working well. It’s like a new level of detail, and shown me that appreciation is something we can take to everything.
Yes, I rarely appreciate situations or when things go well, instead I have noticed that I almost create a situation to ensure that things go wrong so that I can slip back into my old familiar pattern of struggle, failure and drama. How ludicrous that I play this ridiculous game with myself.
Awesome Abby to feel the power of reflection and thanks Brooke for taking it to another level – I am inspired to choose appreciation every time.
I have a friend like this too Abby. He has shown me how much there is to appreciate to the most minute detail. Appreciating what he is now aware of, so there is no self-bashing for past choices, only appreciating that he has made a commitment to wanting to see these choices and change them. I also appreciate my choices that have led me to have friends who constantly inspire – as You and Donna have here. Thank you.
That’s wonderful Abby – I can relate to that conversation and thinking I only have something to talk about with someone if it’s about issues or something I have to work on. It has been my go to for sometime and a friend pulled me up awhile ago by saying that I was getting far too serious with myself… Me.. Serious! I was shocked, reacted then sat with it for a while and felt that I am being too hard on myself in all the things I need to bring attention to when there is so much to appreciate already about how far I have come and the choices I am now making in a daily practice to love myself inside and out.
Another thought on this is the level of comfort in choosing to sit with issues or what we are not doing – is it’s too exposing to appreciate the milestones and the simple stuff because then the almighty-ness of who we are will be seen? This feels true for me, like hiding behind the issues is more comfortable then being seen for everything I am, which has nothing to do with any issue I can image or invent.
Abby you have an amazing friend that presented a gift to you that you can now apply to your everyday living. Being appreciative about what is working, defuses the fixation we can have on what is not working. By releasing our grip on the what is not, allows things to open up and present new ways to deal with what isn’t up to scratch or that which requires more work.
Awesome Abby. I can also get caught with that tendency too to see what’s lacking, so living with someone who shows me the simplicity of appreciating what’s working, makes a great difference.
Beautiful Abby. And it’s very, very different to address the ‘what is not up to scratch’ from appreciation, rather than make changes from feeling things are not good enough as they are.
Thanks for sharing this Abby, being ‘dedicated to appreciation’ — that’s inspiring.
This a beautiful sharing, thank you Abby.
Gosh what an awesome way of working with appreciation Abby, thanks for sharing. I can also automatically start looking for faults or what is not up to scratch. It’s like having tunnel vision, we miss out on stepping back and seeing the amazingness of what is there right in front of us.
That’s beautiful Abby, and such an important reminder for everyone. To focus on the ‘bad’ magnifies the ‘bad’ – to appreciate yourself magnifies exactly that, and leaves you feeling empowered and supported.
Thankyou for sharing this Abby. We are generally so good at focusing on what isn’t right, or what needs to be done, and even what has gone wrong, rather than stopping to appreciate all the things that are right, what we have done and what we have done well. A great reminder for us all to really honour and appreciate all that is working in our lives.
‘Along with the appreciation of myself also has come hand in hand a deeper appreciation of others. As I focus on seeing the beauty in me, I cannot help but see the beauty in those around me.’ I love this line Donna, and have also noticed the same thing happen with me. As we peel back the layers to our own amazingness, we are also able to connect more to others and see the same amazingness in them.
Yes I loved this too Eleanor, it is an amazing lesson that can go across many other areas, we have to start with ourselves.
We cannot give anything to anyone if we are not able and willing to give it to ourselves first.
A very powerful truth Michael.
I loved that line too, Eleanor. We cannot look at ourselves with appreciation and to others with judgement or critique. Something changes for all of us and we all flourish in the confirmation and joy of appreciation.
Yes this just makes so much sense Eleanor and I loved this line too. When we shine a light on the true loving qualities in ourselves it magnifies our awareness of these qualities in others.
Exactly Eleanor and Donna, it can not but reflect and spread because as we hold ourselves in the love that we are we can not but see this love in others too. A truly beautiful process indeed.
Appreciation of ourselves and self care are not arrogant or selfish but a key to connection and appreciation of others. when we accept this we can appreciate that we all have a responsibility for the part we play.
Appreciation can bring about such healing in people. It confirms what we already innately are – beautiful amazing beings capable of so many things. It also goes against the grain of society which teaches us to always be bettering ourselves and strive for goals and success. But in truth, there is no need to be looking on the outside for improvement, as all we need to do is connect back to our true selves.
Hi Eleanor, I love what you have written here. ‘that we are beautiful amazing beings capable of so many things’. And totally agree, it does go against what is so prevalent in society – and highlights why it is so essential! So rarely do we as a race stop and appreciate how amazing we are… and everything is geared towards telling us we are not and that we need to DO and STRIVE and ACHIEVE to be something… all not true!
Absolutely Eleanor – appreciation very much goes against the trend in society, which is constantly telling us that we are not enough, that there is always something we need to do better.
I love the self-appreciation program! I also did a similar thing with sending a daily self-appreciation text to a friend and was amazed at how it supported me, helped me build more of a foundation of love for myself, and allowed me to see and feel things about myself that I hadn’t really noticed before. There were also some days when I was a bit off and felt there wasn’t much to appreciate, but in making that effort to find something, through writing the text I would bring myself up out of the slump into feeling more of my awesomeness.
Yes Eleanor, I have worked with young primary school girls on this and to seeing their faces open and the way they hold their body change with a little appreciation says it all. It is definitely something that needs to be practiced as somehow it does not seem to come easy to anyone at first.
Yes, I relate to this Eleanor – when we are feeling off it is so much like being in a slump… and appreciating ourselves helps lift the heaviness and reconnect us to everything that we are. Light, joy, play-full!
This sounds like something I really really need to do! Thanks Eleanor for further cementing the idea that this is necessary!
Yes I found it amazing how things could really shift by consistently every day finding two things to appreciate about myself, even on the more difficult days. With the consistency of the self-appreciation progam and the commitment to it, I found that self-appreciation quickly built and would often pull me out of a funk on a not so good day.
Me too Donna, nothing can stick if we have appreciation flowing through our bodies as it washes the nonsense and negative thoughts we try to identify with away and we quickly come back to love.
This is a really great exercise Donna – and the word that stood out for me here is ‘consistency’. With this exercise comes the opportunity to live a consistent rhythm in the day and that feels very foundational – so when the tough days come or challenges are faced there is that foundation to come back to to know the truth of who you are.
I have been having a go at an appreciation program as a part of a daily diary of how I am feeling and it is building a self respect that repels the self criticism that had become second nature. Appreciating can be tenuous and hesitant at first because there is so much rubbish about being egotistical or big-headed. Those things come from feeling a false confidence built from trying to be better than others. Appreciation of self or other people doesn’t need an outside reference point. It stands on its own and when we allow it to, it can be the antidote to a life of giving up. That’s what I am learning.
I agree Elanore and Donna. I too am texting what I appreciate about myself to a dear friend along with a selfie daily. The thing that I am loving, though it is so exposing, is seeing the many masks that I have made my face hold. I may be feeling beautiful inside, but my face will not be showing this in full. This is supporting me greatly to commit deeply to all that I do appreciate about myself, as I do the masks of my face are beginning to drop, one by one. It is truly the most vulnerable feeling to send a raw real photo of your self to another, yet it is one of the most healing things I have done.
I love what you share here about texting everyday what you appreciate about yourself, how different our world would be if everyone practiced this simple yet powerful tool each day. Feeling inspired to begin a program like this as well.
Love your blog Donna and totally agree with you on all counts. Appreciation is the key to building a loving foundation from where it is no longer possible to put yourself down, and even if you make a mistake you see this as a learning as there is no space within all the love to self negate.
You’ve hit the nail on the head Mary Louise. Seeing mistakes as merely opportunities for growth through learning from them has been a huge key for me in letting go of that pattern of beating myself up for making a mistake in the first place. And through a daily practice of appreciation for all the ways I am (as opposed to just what I do), it has become easier to not get in a spin if someone questions me on something.
We are provided with the blessing of a lesson and we take it to beat ourselves up with – makes no sense! Better to be loving and humble any day..
Indeed Mary-Louise – if we choose to see our ‘mistakes’ as a learning, it already changes the game of self doubt and self bashing significantly.
Yes Eva, by seeing our so called mistakes as a learning is a game changer. We don’t see babies giving themselves a hard time when they are learning to crawl or walk, they give it a go, fall over, get up and have another go until they feel confident. As adults we really are no different and can very lovingly see where we need to adjust and keep going.
It is as though we run this program that stipulates we not ever make any mistakes or else … how crazy is that? Whoever learnt to walk without falling down, whoever learnt to speak without inventing their own funny versions and words? Why do we expect of ourselves as adults what we would never expect of a baby/toddler?
Great points Mary-Louise and Eva it makes so much sense that when we live in this way, appreciating ourselves, we make more space for love and build a foundation upon which to stand rather than creating our own sinkhole of sabotage and self-doubt. I’m really starting to get the picture that every situation offers us a learning and the less we personalise it and see the bigger picture the more we can learn, let love in and out, grow and evolve.
I have been watching this in myself, to no longer lace ‘mistakes’ as something bad, when I do this, I know that I am still in the same energy of beating myself up. When I can really feel my mistakes as a learning, I know that I have shifted the paradigm of self-abuse.
I agree Mary- Louise and Eva. After all this is the school of life and we are here to learn and as I like to look at it there can be no mistakes as life is a one- take movie.
Yes Eva Rygg and Mary-Louise, ‘mistakes’ are a part of all the great reflections we can learn from.
I love what you are saying here Mary-Louise, through appreciation we build us a solid foundation of love that does not leave any space to bring us down and a mistake becomes a learning and not a default.
“A mistake becomes a learning and not a default” – and this makes a huge difference, as when a mistake suddenly is nothing bad anymore, we do not have to get lost in beating ourselves up for making it. Instead we can observe why we did what we did and simply learn from that.
Yes, once we take the ‘right and wrong’ consciousness out of the equation we can just get on with it without ever feeling less love for ourselves.
This is such a loving way to make a mistake. Making a loving foundation through appreciation is so much more affirming and real than beating yourself up every time. It is working for me!
Beautifully said Anne – feels absolutely gorgeous.
Yes I love what you’ve shared here too Marylouisemyers, what you’ve described is what we all want to feel… unconditional love for ourselves. What I feel as I read what you’ve shared though is that it is a responsibility to appreciate ourselves to this degree you’ve described, as only then does the world get that love in full.
So true Jenny – we all long for unconditional love and tend to forget, or are not willing to see, that it is right there and always available for us, and that it is in fact our responsibility to make the choice to give this to ourselves.
Yes spot on Eva, we look everywhere but within for love and spend our lives substituting everything but that in its place.
Beautifully said Marylouisemyers and I absolutely agree. Appreciation is extremely powerful, very much needed and key for building a loving foundation sure.
It’s so simple, and a complete game changer to approach life in this way.
I so agree Mary Louise, it’s amazing the difference that’s felt in our bodies when we appreciate and welcome even the challenges and mistakes instead of freak out and bash ourselves over the head… the latter is a familiar pattern for me which simply sends you down a negative spiral of never feeling enough. But when I choose to appreciate I feel my whole body, my perspective on myself and my levels of awareness change significantly. I’ve realised it’s a responsibility I carry to self-appreciate, because in doing so I open up, let love in and out and let myself truly see what’s actually going on.
This is a great line Mary-Louise – ‘there is no space within all the love to self negate.’
yes I agree this is a great line because if we fill our self up with love there is no room for abuse and if we do something that is abusive or abuse is flung our way it stands out as a disturbance in our body so loud that we feel it instantly and have an opportunity to stop and say NO to what is happening.
“As a baby does not worry when it falls down, so to should we embrace the same innocence that once allowed us to fall, get back up and have another go”
Love this example Otto when we were young we were always giving things a go and if it did not work try another way, then another, until it was the result we wanted. Never along the exploratory path did we make our self wrong. There was so much joy in the process of learning.
That is beautiful and so true ottobathurst. The question that comes up, is why don’t we treat ourselves with the same care and understanding as we would with a baby?
And what I also noticed in my experience with young kids is how upset they get when they feel that they have done something wrong. It breaks their hearts! So extrapolate that out to adults – and is it the same? Is it possible that this judgement of right or wrong devastates us. Whilst we may not cry like a child, do we actually get equally upset. In the same way that I am trying to parent my kids by removing all judgement, so too should I parent myself.
I also love what you say Mary-Louise. The reality of perfection is impossible in this plane of life, we are meant to make mistakes, and truly need to know what they are about and their true value (which is just learning and that´s all!). But the whole society is built upon recognition and getting things right which is confirmed by more recognition. So it is not a surprise that many people tend to have little resistance to frustration, become neurotic with themselves first and then with everyone around. It is as if we become so focused on what is wrong in ourselves and others, go down a black hole and reduce everything to dust and stay there for who knows how many lifetimes (very condemning and sabotaging). It can be arrogance, pride, hurt, regret, whatever, but truly this is just a choice we make when we haven´t been met and haven´t had the reflection of what true Love is about. Thank you Donna: Appreciation is a the pathway to Love. The Love we haven´t had reflected back or felt for who knows how many lifetimes. Thankfully this is all changing, we have a power-full reflection now and blogs like these empower me to never again go that way and make such a big fuss for having made a mistake.
Agree marylouisemyers, building a foundation with self-appreciation and consistently living this is the key to let go of those negative default programs of holding back the light and love that we are.
Yes I love this too MaryLouise, embracing our mistakes as learning’s and the wonderful opportunities they offer for us to evolve.
Thank you Donna, this is beautiful and shows how powerful appreciation is. I especially love how you said “As I have begun to deeply appreciate all that ‘I am’, the ‘what I am not’ has started to fade into the background. It is something that I need to lovingly work on, but I no longer identify with it as who I am.”
I agree Fiona, appreciation brings the focus to the what is and the what is not fades. I love that Donna committed to a program of appreciation. I feel that this is something that could be very supportive for me, this is an inspirational blog.
Yes Fiona, that’s really empowering to read and my experience too, the appreciation I deeply feel for myself works as an amazing confirmation of who I truly am, then there is less or no space left for doubt or self bashing. And when it creeps in I can easily choose to see it clear as the ‘what I am not’.
Changing the focus from seeing all the things we are not, or don’t do well to appreciating all that we are and do well – it’s a game changer. That which we focus on grows, and so the more we focus on appreciating all that we are, it grows.
I agree Fiona – I appreciate this powerful reminder to never stop appreciating.
I can really relate to what you are saying here about giving yourself a hard time, and then finding situations that confirm this lack of self worth. We really can be our worst enemy, yet when I was like that, I would blame others for not being how I ‘wanted’ them to be, and for bringing me down. Thankfully, through being a student of The Livingness, I have learnt since then that it is my responsibility to be loving with myself and others, which leaves no space for blame to come into play. Just a loving acceptance of who I am and where I, and others, are at in their unfolding journeys.
We meet what we are emanating. If we are full of frustration and anger for example, this is what we will meet. It is so obvious and yet it has taken me years to see through it and to accept that I am creating how my life feels for me via the choices that I make.
So true Michael, if I’m feeling down about myself there will be people or situations around me to confirm the need to be in that mood. But what I have also felt over the past years is that there is always another loving energy gently confirming that there is so much more to us.
So true Michael – it can be quite a shock to realise the truth of this and that we are responsible for creating our reality and yet empowering at the same time because the choice is ours.
So true Michael we meet what we emanate, it is as simple as that. It really is about us taking responsibility and choosing a loving way, in all our choices.
Love this Michael! We have always had the power in our own hands to create the life we long for.
I often say something similar to the nonprofit boards I work with – “You get the board your organisation deserves”. It can sound harsh, but I’ve found the same principle is at play. What you put out, whether it’s individually or collectively, you get back and it’s not until you lift your game (make new choices) that existing dynamics (life) will change.
Absolutely Michael – what a beautiful way of being shown the choices that we are making.
Well said Michael…we get back what we reflect out – it makes sense.
Very true Michael, and yes understanding this is the first step to letting go of the choices that are not who we are.
It’s taken me years to realise we walk in what we lay before us…. How life changes when we are accepting of the glory we are and in appreciation walk that in full.
I can relate to giving myself a hard time and being my own worst enemy feeling like I am beating up on myself. It is easy to go into the blame game as you have shared Eleanor, yet this can be avoided by acceptance. When I am accepting I can then feel the fullness of what is there to be appreciated.
Eleanor, l too know this pattern only too well.
l have been my own worst enemy for many lifetimes it seems. Appreciation is a stupendous key to living a loving life once again. This bridge must inevitably be crossed to reach the otherside. ln setting up an appreciation program like the one Donna has set in place, the undiscovered country we finally discover is a paradise of self-love and nurturing and honour. How totally cool to be standing at this bridge…finally!! And now to step forth. All thanks and absolute appreciation to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon and his ever loving family and all my esoteric practitioners.
I agree Eleanor, it is so important to be aware of this pattern we can easily fall into, which is just a set up we are given precisely to mess us up and fall: “giving ourselves a hard time, and then finding situations that confirm this lack of self worth”. It is crazy how we can fall into this, by holding pictures of how things are supposed to look, feel and be; and because reality doesn´t match them, we become our worst enemy, fall in to blame, and slowly we are gone…We can be our worst enemy or we can be our greatest support. It is a choice and it is simple: apprecitation first of the loveliness that we are. All the ideals we carry or are fed to us just crumble. This is about Love, not ideal pictures.
People who chronically and loudly blame others can be easily seen to be ‘off the mark’ with their complaints: it seems easy enough to understand that they are the source of their own problems. It’s easier to disown this tendency in ourselves, especially when we have a quiet yet strong internal critic busy giving ourselves a hard time. I have found these are the kinds of thoughts I have made normal without even realising it. It took me a long time to understand they were even present!
Yes Eleanor, if we can find the abuse so well, why is not our goal to find the most simplest act of self-appreciation that we feel ourselves in. The world has gone in over-drive of being ‘good’ but that is not building a foundation of something that is felt inside of you. It only takes a bout of cancer or someone to run you into the ground and you are shattered with no where to look but the self-abuse which seems to be all that is there. Wise words that were once shared with me “if it does not feel right then change it”.
Further-more to what you also say Eleanor is the blame we can carry on with , when it is our sole responsibility to value ourselves enough where we are not in victim-mode and can look past of all that.
Beautiful to read how appreciating yourself – consistently – has brought about such a change for you. Self-doubt – which I know (have known) well – is a killer. An inspiring blog- thankyou Donna.
It requires a surprising amount of determination to start appreciating ourselves and then to continue! Well done, Donna.
I agree sueq2012. It is lovely to read this and many of the other blogs on this and related sites that demonstrate the amazing changes in people’s lives from making simple loving choices, like the choice to appreciate yourself.