Seeking Connection in Techno Parties

Recently I had the chance to re-visit a scenario that for a few years was my normal. I went to a techno party with a couple of friends who were visiting from abroad; one of them was DJ-ing for a couple of hours.

After hesitating a lot and knowing that I would have to put up with the consequences in my body, I chose to go as I believed it was a unique occasion to share a night with people I love, plus I was also curious as to how this would feel after many years.

The Ways and Choice to Party

I was amazed at what got displayed to me that night, and I remembered that this is actually one of the ways many young people choose to party.

What is it about these experiences, parties and lifestyle that looks so enticing and is a real hook for many people, especially young people?

When inside the club, I remembered how it always felt impossible to survive these parties without drugs or alcohol. I used to find it really miserable to do so because I would get exhausted, lost and moody quite easily.

This time was no different, I felt miserable straight away, but I decided I could observe it from a different perspective in the short time I was going to stay, and without my usual investments and expectations from the past, such as:

  • To uninhibit and let myself go (as my normal daily life used to feel dull, boring and cautious)
  • To prove to myself, and others, that I could certainly cope with the whole night and gracefully reach the `bonding stage´ – a captivating moment of seeking feeling at ease and connected to other people
  • To flirt and to meet the ‘right one’
  • To enjoy the capacity of this one great DJ to take me on a ride: a building up of a momentum that will eventually reach a peak, a high level of excitement and sophistication that I could prolong until the next day (with the help of amphetamines, MDMA (ecstasy), and whatever else is out there).

The whole set up was there with its lights, visuals, sound system, the DJ on stage, the loud music, the invisible but very present drugs, the bar and a whole variety of styles, expressions, mannerisms and gestures: lots of people, some of them looking as if they have mastered the scene, inescapably sweet teenagers, amateurs, professionals and people passionate about these technologies (like my friend) and of course enthusiastic dancers (like me).

It all felt like a huge feast of disregard, illusion and glamour, and actually was not that glamorous after all; pretty ugly in many corners and disheartening in many ways.

Craving Bonding and Connection

I felt how much we really crave excitement and togetherness, and the whole set up can make us believe this is what we get.

We can indeed think we get this momentarily and intensely through changeable waves, rides of ups and lows where we get to seemingly feel the pleasure of flowing smoothly in connection to the music and others, to then suddenly come down, feel estranged, unsettled and in need to connect back again.

It is a rollercoaster of emotions, an oscillation between euphoria and low self-esteem, and of course you may also get the seemingly steadier, unemotional and self-satisfied vibe too.

Whatever way, the booze is always there, legally sold at the bar, for rescue and support and to help ensure you can reach the next high peak where the supposed ´bonding´ happens.

What is it about this `bonding´ state? Is it a true bonding that takes place during these peaks?

Feeling into the wave, at some point I felt how I wobbled and caught myself having stepped into the “look at me, here I am in control and having lots of fun” mode, in complete disconnection to myself and my body.

I had jumped back into the illusion of recognition and identity, to then fall back into: “what the hell am I doing here?” I realised that this wave by its nature and quality was not inspiring or taking me into any true bonding state at all.

I could feel there was actually a high level of separation, jealousy, anxiousness, self-consciousness and looking for the ‘right one’ going on, all confirming our separated state and creating an oscillation between attraction and repulsion to others while seeking to keep up the good vibe.

It was now easy to recognise how I used to be shadowed by ideals, stereotypes and chemicals obscuring my true light, tenderness, sweetness and playfulness inside.

And how in this dense type of partying, nobody gets to evolve an inch from their insecurities and boredom in a lasting way, and nobody gets to truly connect with each other in true awareness and acceptance.

It just perpetuates ephemeral encounters, shallow attractions, momentarily numbing from long-held issues and the come-down/after effect results in flatness and neurosis for the rest of the week.

It is not about condemning the party, the DJs, the technologies or our right to have fun, but about feeling the possibility that we have forgotten what true connection is about, and how restless and disconnected we really are inside and in our relationship with others – that we believe these experiences are natural, true fun and a great way to feel connected to life and people.

The problem goes beyond, as our disconnection has been cementing through the passing years, when we have learned how to put up with the holes in our families and found ways to fit into certain groups.

It is a normalised way of going through life and we rarely get to hear about the grandness and wealth that lies within each one of us: at best we get in touch with seemingly life-affirming statements through religious institutions or wishy-washy new age currents with their re-interpreted truths.

It is not surprising that we are more willing to experiment with a spiral of ups and downs in order to escape from how loveless the world feels. To become part of something as a substitute and rise to its challenges by intoxicating our bodies and brains every weekend, than to explore and claim our true nature with its deep steadiness and beauty inside, in spite of how the world is asking us to be.

Returning to My True Self

In my experience I can say I lost invaluable time and life-force in this way of life in my desperate need to find myself, prove myself, free myself, meet others and belong, and funnily enough I ended up even more disconnected than before.

No regrets, but just an honest realisation that it has taken me a lot of time to clear everything from my body and brain, – plus, I endured feelings of self-doubt, flatness, emptiness, rejection of myself and others and anxiety before accepting that my search would just end if I was to simply return to my true nature inside.

To return I haven´t had to pray, use the power of my mind, choose salsa parties instead of techno parties or become a celibate, I have just chosen self-honesty, self-acceptance, self-love, self-appreciation and self-care as the new normal ways of relating to myself.

What I didn´t expect was that these would have such a huge impact, and that would unleash a very profound change in the relationship to myself, others and life in general.

How different would it be to normalise the fact that there is an inner-heart within each human being that can be nourished and honoured through the way we appreciate, accept and live our lives?

How would it be to grow up being more familiar with our divine inner qualities that we can express outwardly in our daily life and interactions? What sort of adulthood would we have if we were to choose our time and dedications wisely during our teenage years?

Why not play it big, instead of partying big, and trust that the love, sweetness and wisdom we have felt inside many times (no matter how fleeting those moments may have been) are truly what we need to honour, connect to and allow to expand without fear of how much ugliness we see around?

What if every single person, were to claim and embrace this? We would probably get a taste of what trust, true connection and brotherhood feel like every time we get together and celebrate.

In deep appreciation for having the reflection of an amazing, super loving and truly-connected community of people choosing The Way of The Livingness – as presented by Serge Benhayonas a way of life, and who are reflecting that there is truly another way to be and live life here on Earth.

 By Luz Helena Hincapié, Bogotá, Colombia

Further Reading:
How We Start Relationships
Hanging Out to Simply Be Me
My Turnaround From Competitive Running To Connection With Me

750 thoughts on “Seeking Connection in Techno Parties

  1. Each generation seams to learn how to seemingly party harder and thus the distracts become prolific and finding we can maintain our life and not be on the usual rollercoaster offered in our social scene is amazing so thank you for sharing Luz, that we can be Loving in so many ways, as most have fallen into this excitement trap of some sort of clubbing.

  2. When we take away the devices that kept us ‘hooked’, it is easier to see the reality of what we are participating in. In this situation it was taking away the ‘loosening up’ strategies of drugs and alcohol; once these were gone, it was easier to see the hooking nature of the music, the cycle of manipulation the DJ was offering the crowd to feel his version of connection yet with no real connection at all because the moment the stimulus was removed the emptiness returned.

  3. There is no true connection on the outside. The only true connection comes from within first and foremost. So if we feel lost or disillusioned the answers will not be found outside of ourselves. And yet our society is set up to sell us distraction after distraction and this refines itself and becomes even more sophisticated than every before. It is a tricky field that we navigate in and gradually learn to discern the distractions for what they are.

  4. Luz, some gorgeous sharings and honesty that you have revealed in your blog. The level of distraction that abounds in our world as a means to pull us away from ourselves is phenomenal. And yet when we develop the relationship with self, it has its own steadiness and holding that it offers consistently so whenever we choose to re-connect.

    1. Yes, the level of distraction and the false hope of connection through those distractions is fleeting and keeps us hooked into searching for more and a fear of stepping away because we have forgotten the relationship with ourselves that is there, consistent and steady, whenever we choose to re-connect.

  5. If we all were taught to honour and appreciate our own divinity from young, I am sure our experiences throughout life would be more loving and true.

  6. “Why not play it big, instead of partying big” – When I used to party (a lot) I’m sure the intention was frequently to lose myself, or to release the pressure of all the rules and expectations that occur in the day – and to be as crazy as possible. I love your words because when we play it big, when we give life 100 percent we actually don’t have this need to party or seek relief or escape what we’re feeling – because it feels so freaking awesome.

  7. “I have just chosen self-honesty, self-acceptance, self-love, self-appreciation and self-care as the new normal ways of relating to myself.” The truth is so much more amazing than the illusion of the bright lights of clubbing.

  8. We all crave true connection with one another yet we set ourselves up to be completely disconnected not only from one another but ourselves too.

  9. “I felt how much we really crave excitement and togetherness, and the whole set up can make us believe this is what we get”. I still recall my nightclub experiences and the desire to feel the love I naturally have for all people but hide away in everyday life. It is all false and grim when you look at it in the light of day but it shows me how lacking this feeling of connection generally is in our lives.

  10. “my search would just end if I was to simply return to my true nature inside.“ All the fears and loneliness and seeking connection that plays out in thousands of ways all cease by connecting to ourselves. I feel like I need this reminder following me everywhere at the moment as I expose more of those seeking behaviours in my life.

  11. It is deeply disturbing the lengths youngsters and others will go to in order to have a good time, not only dangerous but in some cases fatal, have we really got to the point where we have to be completely out of it to supposedly enjoy ourselves with our friends, would a true friend not just say let’s find another way to have fun without risking our lives or jeopardising our future.

    1. Yes, true, someone without the addiction to adrenaline and dopamine would say that, but that is where the marketing of ‘fun’ and ‘fear’ work so well, they make you feel that staring at danger is a good thing and will stop you feeling afraid. It gets you into a special club and ensures you question whether you want to walk away from it because of what you perceive as the very real risk of losing who you feel are the only friends who don’t judge you for what you are doing.

  12. It is great to truly observe ourselves and be honest about what we do/did or use(d) to not feel what we actually feel inside. And also feel the consequences of our choices. Everything we do that harms our body brings us further away from feeling our own loveliness and our connection to the universe.

  13. It seems an extreme version of bonding that we have to go to, and I wonder much more extreme this will become as technological advancements are hurtling us all towards lifestyles that have the potential for an even greater lack of connection with eachother, even though the media that it uses touts the opposite.

  14. Extraordinary to read about how sophisticated the techno scene is… If you’ll excuse the obvious connection… But the sophistication is in how much work goes into creating such an intense distraction… And of course it is only there as long as you are there… When you leave you are always left with yourself

    1. Beautifully said Cjames – and when we are left with ourselves in the end, we are also left with how much we have nurtured and supported the true connection with self OR left with the neglect of the relationship with self. Regardless of which we encounter, it is another offering to deepen the true connection – for this offering never goes away.

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