What is Connection?

I ran out of eye cream recently and so I visited a skincare shop with the very simple intent to replenish a sample I tried before and liked.

The customer service lady, who greeted me very professionally, shared with me all the great qualities of this eye cream, especially emphasising what this product could correct, such as smoothing fine lines and reducing dark circles around the eye area.

As there was more than one eye cream there, she also introduced to me several different products, as well as supplementing products to go with the eye cream, such as an eye serum.

The more she spoke, the more uncomfortable my body felt: the simplicity that I stepped into the shop with felt clouded with a lot of information, and I was about to walk out.

And yet, instead of doing so, I expressed to her very honestly what I felt. Very simply I said, “I always feel confused when many products are being introduced to me at the same time.” She asked, “So what is it that you are looking to correct? I can then introduce a product that fits your needs.”

I replied, “To be honest, I am not looking to correct anything. I actually quite like myself (with a smile) but I have run out of eye cream, so I wanted to buy another tube. I fully understand this is the way the beauty industry expresses, but when you tell me a product can correct something about me, it feels like there is something wrong with me to begin with, but that is not true. I know it is not your fault, but that is how I feel with the way you have professionally shared the product information with me.”

The customer service lady seemed to be taken by surprise as this came out from my mouth, and to my surprise also, what was being said in honesty did not offend her, as from then on our conversation went much deeper than just the products she was selling!

She started conversing with me about my lipstick colour (which I named Violet Flame), said she really liked it and asked me where I got it and if I could recommend it.

She shared how some of the lipsticks she has used before can feel very dry on the lips, and we further chatted about how supporting ourselves in our day by drinking sufficient water, could also hydrate lips and skin. She replied in realness that this proves to be impossible presently, as in her busy job, she simply forgets to!

By this time I had come back to clarity as to what product I would purchase from this shop and no pressure from the saleslady was felt.

We were already communicating like long time friends, and she was demonstrating to me how to apply the product gently on my skin and with what quantity of product to use. She suggested using an upward movement, as the product has a firming effect, to which she added, “Not that you need it!”

I smiled, and not just from my lips, my eyes and my face, but from my heart and my whole body because there was a resounding simplicity and harmony felt within.

Connection is actually very simple. It can happen every moment in our every day, in our commitment to living what we know is true in our body and not hold back in expressing.

There is a deep joy felt when this commitment is reflected back in simple daily encounters, with the confirmation that truth is universal.

By Adele Leung, Creative director/fashion stylist, Hong Kong

Further Reading:
Magic of Knowing… We Are All One and The Same On The Inside
How We Start relationships
Communicating with, and Talking to People – No longer Calibrating my Expression

857 thoughts on “What is Connection?

  1. Wearing make-up or cosmetics to hide behind puts you in the defensive but to use cosmetics to enhance the natural beauty of all you feel is amazing.

  2. Just staying there with her and replying in honesty, brings about such a different interaction and connection. Thankyou.

  3. Adele I actually get put off by attending beauty places, because of the exact reasons you have specified in this blog. I’ve come to a stage where I now go to a place and like yourself have the intention of what I want and that is it.

    Just recently I had a similar experience like you and I knew what facial products needed replacing and they were trying to sell me things I did not want. If I went a head with all the products I could have walked away with probably many unnecessary products. I stayed with myself and kept saying no and, asking why did I need the products they were offering, until they realised something. That connection was it and then their service changed. I got exactly what I needed and they went to the extreme of giving me some freebies too, which I wasn’t expecting.

    Staying with yourself at all times is a key to everything and everybody, as in this, it offers others the opportunity to be with themselves too.

  4. People actually do appreciate honest conversation and truly expressing what we feel, sometimes it’s a surprise and kind of wakes people up out of the politeness and formalities that so often prevent us truly connecting to one another.

    1. How true Melinda, quite often sales people forget thst there is a real perpson in front of them. As you say honesty brings us sll back to connection. Truly This is what we all want in our lives.

    2. Melinda how true, people are appreciating us being honest with them and in this it gives people permission to do the same too without perfection. The more open honest conversation we have with one another, the more it affects others too, causing a ripple affect – love it…

    3. How great to wake people up out of the politeness and formalities, and express honestly, ‘Connection is actually very simple. It can happen every moment in our every day, in our commitment to living what we know is true in our body and not hold back in expressing.’

  5. Love the way you deepened the conversation with this lady Adele. It feels like at the end you were not strangers but very known to each other. Your example shows us how much we can share and learn by just expressing the Truth from our bodies. Simple and very enriching.

  6. Adele. Thank you for a wonderful example of how to transform a conversation so that both people can feel lifted rather than weighed down.

  7. You can really feel with staff in retail, or anywhere for that matter, when it is a sales pitch or when it is genuine. It makes the world of difference when there is true connection, care and genuine. It’s great how you connected with this person ✨

  8. If I am being shutdown and awkward with others then that’s what gets reflected back to me, likewise when I am being open and transparent the connection I share with others is a confirmation we are all truly one.

  9. I think many people would feel like you do but not express or just think that is the way it is and therefor we keep living so much less than we are capable of. As you shown it only needs one honest person to start a different conversation to have a much deeper conversation.

    1. Yes I agree Lieke. I know for myself that I can censor what I want to say or hold back from expressing fully at times and yet at others have beautiful interactions like the one you are sharing here. It’s interesting to note why this may be. When we are not present with ourselves, connected in mind and body, we cannot be fully present with another and this affects our connection with them.

  10. The choice we make from when we feel amazing, complete and full as a woman is so different to the choices we make when we don’t feel enough or we don’t feel great. And I find that applies to everything – eye cream, to people we consider dating, to what we choose to eat – everything.

  11. A shining example to the cosmetic industry that there is nothing to ‘correct’ just to nourish the inner beauty that is already there.

  12. We have a choice to express what we feel or to hold back, when we express we offer another an opportunity to express too, and when we hold back we both miss out on what is on offer.

  13. You could have walked away and gone elsewhere when confronted with superfluous information and all the ensuing complications but you chose to connect to the sales lady and turned the interaction into a deeply exchange meeting between two women who, after all, share a love of people and the will to true good.

  14. It can be very obvious when we meet people in protection and only give them some of who we are, sometimes it is not so obvious because that is how we have been with everyone so we consider that normal. When you open up an let go of the protection and allow the love in and out wowzers now that is what I call a true connection.

  15. Very beautiful Adele, I love your willingness to be open and honest with the salesperson. It is a great example of how we can connect with each other when we open our hearts and express with honesty. I find people are often very open to connect when we are open too and a true connection is not possible without openness and honesty.

    1. I agree with you Matilda, and this is the beauty of being open to connecting with ourselves and others, it will keep expanding and inspire people around to deepen their connection too.

    2. True – connection to self is first and foremost and from there, everything evolves to evolve everybody.

  16. A great reminder that when we can allow ourselves to communicate with honesty instead of hurt, connection remains a possibility. And I love that you were able to take the sales lady back out of her role and just be with you as another woman.

  17. This beautifully shows how we can support each other by simply being honest and by expressing from our heart. Deep down we all want to connect and just feel at home and equal with each other.

    1. All we have to do is let go of the barriers that get in the way of us connecting with ourselves and each other. We pile these barriers on, so it means we can take them off any time.

  18. There is alot I can feel (its good to claim that), and what proportion of that do I share and express? Surprisingly little and so standards don’t get upheld to what my body knows to be the right level.

  19. By-and-large we align to a consciousness before going to the shop owned by it. The dialogues there only confirm the consciousness. Sometimes, the conversations appear as heading towards another direction but are still owned. Yet, other times, we walk consciousness free. When this happens, there is potential space for meeting each other.

    1. That is super precious. The moments of being completely aware of the consciousnesses and not being owned by them but rather so solidly guided by our true hearts and no matter what that comes out of our mouths is already spaciousness offered from our whole body. I love this so absolutely. Everyone gets it without needing to do anything.

  20. The moment we simply express what we are feeling then another gets to feel who we truly are and by reflection who they too are, and how they may not be being themselves. Essentially we continually have opportunities in every interaction to either bring the light of the Soul, the love that we are or to keep things on a physical level, about trying to better ourselves, improve oursleves in some way, gain acceptance or recognition (the list goes on) – essentially keeping us seperate from the other person.

    1. This I felt strongly yesterday when communicating with people under the umbrella of culture. There is a great deal of recognition from putting down oneself and lifting the other up, so after the conversations it felt lots of good things have been said about the other person, but it felt so empty, and yet these are people regarded as friends and loved ones. We say what is good to hear to others but as this has come from a lack of appreciation or connection with oneself, the words feel empty.

      1. There is such a difference when words come with the depth and power of love that we are. Niceness is somethign I know all too well but it changes nothing and keeps people where they are. We are here to reflect the turth of where we are from and who we are and not to make it all about making a better life here on Earth. The more we put this as our fore the less we try to fit in and the more we see the importance we have to express the truth we know, knowing that it ultimately is not for us but for everyone to return back to the love we are all from.

  21. The sharing of self-care with another is an inspiration that offers to them that they are worth caring for.

  22. I love how you did not react to the customer service lady. Its shows us that when we are aware of what we are feeling and choice to respond in a different way rather than react, magic happens and people get to feel an openness and honesty from another rather than frustration, irritability or anger.

    1. It’s not always possible and when I feel hurt I will let it be felt, and I express it. But then the next time and the next time, after a while, the reaction would be much less or gone, and I am able to purely present.

  23. Connecting with other people where ever we are is our nature, we don’t want to be separate and hold back on what we know is true. Our bodies are coming alive, feel joy and the simplicity and harmony that you are talking about.

  24. Connection with others is quite simple when we remain open and transparent, it is when we live in protection we block others out and stop any opportunity for connecting with anyone. Living in this way is exhausting on the body.

    1. Yes very exhausting and complicated, Anna. Denying us not only the magic of relationships with others but also the magic of our connection with ourselves and all that that opens to.

  25. Your experiences at the cosmetic counter Adele just goes to show that a quality of connection between ourselves and another can arise at any time any place to bless us with a transparency and honesty with each other that lays solid foundations for us to learn and grow together.

  26. The opportunity to connect to another is offered to us many times during our day, we simply need to be open to the possibility. If we make the choice to react, ignore and even close ourselves down, we may just miss out on a most enriching connection, one that may make a wonderful difference in our day and in the day of the other person. Life to me, is all about connection and building relationships.

  27. It is such a lovely thing to do, to simply connect with someone when we are out and about, whatever the situation we are in. It is all too easy to see people who are in a sales position as only being that, whereas if we connect with them in the same way we would with someone we knew, it can open so many doors of opportunity for both people.

    1. And the same applies to everyone we come into contact with – at the checkout, someone passing by, a visitor / colleague / friend / partner / family member etc. So many opportunities to connect more deeply than the glancing blow that is so often the experience.

  28. Adele, I just love this post.. and I’ve been in very similar situations myself too, and what i love is that when you take it away from “the sell” and make it all about connection that the staff feel way more engaged towards you as opposed to selling something and moving on in robotic fashion. And I love the reference you make towards the exchange feeling like long lost friends which it is – the long lost friend called connection : )

  29. It never ceases to amaze me how speaking honestly and openly about how we feel can break down even the toughest barriers at times and often creates an instant connection with the person we are communicating with. And even in the cases that it doesn’t and the other may react, the feeling within of being honest and not holding back is priceless.

  30. A great example of how when we express honestly from what we are feeling in our body, it allows the opportunity to build far deeper connections when we do not hold ourselves back and honour each other by expressing what we have felt.

  31. I had a very simple connection the other day, I needed to have some papers witnessed and the elderly man doing the witnessing was very shaky as he was looking through the papers, when he signed the papers I noticed how flowing his signature was and commented on it, to which he added that he was a retired bank manager and had a lot of practise over the years, the connection was beautiful, just engaging personally with him left a warmth in my body and a joy in my heart.

  32. Adele it is a lovely reminder of how we can connect with absolutely anyone and everyone – why because we are all love and the same on the inside – the more we live this ourselves the more we give others the opportunity and space to do so rather than simply running on autopilot of getting through the day.

  33. All over the world we have skin care counters in department stores and the energy around them is that we are not okay as we are and that we have to improve ourselves. I just love the fact that you said to the sales assistance that you were not wanting to improve anything as this brings a new perspective to her which potentially could be very healing.

  34. It just takes one person to start the connection and generally the other person will jump straight in and join them. We want to be in connection, we want depth and honesty, we just hold back in case it’s not safe or it won’t be reciprocated. From this simple example in the blog, it shows that its worth initiating connection, as we only have time and love to lose by holding back.

  35. You highlight so beautifully Adele, that for true connection to develop and deepen, an openness to honesty and truth is essential. And as you say, this confirms the universality of truth, of who we are and our innate connection to it.

  36. When we connect with another we are then given the opportunity to not only share with honesty but also being open to the opportunity to express what we feel and see how our connection unfolds. We can deepen our understanding of the world when we express how we feel and bring simplicity to the fore.

  37. This blog confirms (1) how usual is to find ourselves in situations where the other person delivers something to us based on the images he/she holds dear, to which we are asked to submit to and, (2) that connection is only possible if one of those in the situations is connected first to him/herself.

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