Communicating with, and Talking to People – No longer Calibrating my Expression

I am becoming aware that when I am talking to people I adjust the way I express and communicate according to how I feel the listener will receive my words.

When I’m talking, I often hold back and don’t fully express what I want to say because I am afraid of the person’s response, or how they may feel, or what they will think of me – this last one in particular is a big one for me.

It feels as though there is something else within me that I want to express when I connect with other people, some part of me that wants to reach out in a way that truly honours what I feel inside – not a set of superficial words that will gain attention but do not communicate any sense of who I am. I would like to change the way I communicate with people – not judging their expectations and the possible outcome.

It feels as though I have three main ways of expressing when I’m talking to people…

  • One to my family
  • One to friends
  • And another truer way of expressing when I am connecting deeply to myself.

This last way is a way that has recently developed since being introduced to the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. I am not being told what to do, but I have been inspired and it feels as though I have begun to open up to new ways and to making different choices.

The ‘old ways’ of talking and communicating with people no longer work for me and somehow don’t truly reflect who I am. I am beginning to have more awareness of the deeper effect of how my words impact on both myself and others.

In the past I always believed that no one would find out when I was grumpy – in fact, I would not have admitted this fact to myself, let alone anyone else. I can now see that it is so apparent as I can feel the tenseness in my body and face, and that tenseness is clear for anyone else to see and feel. Also, if I can pick this up from someone else, which I can, then it makes sense that they will also be able to see and feel it in me.

I was under the impression that the only part of my communication that anyone felt was from the words I spoke when I was talking to people: now I am beginning to understand that my whole body is communicating all of the time in one way or another and that my words are a reflection of how my body is – so if my body is tender so will my words be, and if my body is in anger, what and how I express will be tainted by that anger…

There are so many little giveaway signs with talking, communication and expression such as the tone of my voice, the speed at which I speak, and the way I put the sentences together. There is also my body language.

Why would I develop different ways of expressing and communicating with people? – It feels as though I have made life very complicated…

Looking back to when I was about three, I have realised that being totally myself did not feel safe. When I was truly myself – that tender, loving, precious little girl – I was made to feel and was told that I was too sensitive. It feels even at that age I felt isolated and rather than choosing to stay true to myself I abandoned my gorgeous, loving and playful little girl and enjoined others. There was an inner conflict in this that I felt inside: why was it that something that felt so true to me was rejected, even by those close to me?

The hurt and realisation of this is something that I have allowed to affect my behaviour throughout my life.

It feels at this point that I allowed others to decide how I was to talk, express and behave in the world: instead of trusting my own feelings and what I felt deeply inside, I handed my power over to what was outside of me. This feels like a betrayal of who I really am.

When I express to my family there is a familiarity to it that can be quite abusive. As a defence from what felt like a very unsafe world I learned to calibrate what I said in order to not be bombarded with this barrage of weapons. The words often felt like arrows going through my heart.

For the greater part of my life I have been holding back talking to people and expressing who I really am. As I grow older it feels as though there is an urgency to let go of all the control, manipulation and complications that have been involved with hiding from the world.

It is time to reach out and communicate with people how I feel, and to express from my heart in a new and beautiful way how I feel about the world: to begin to honour not only myself but also humanity, not allowing expectations to hinder the process. I feel truly blessed to have found a way that is loving and supportive through the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.

At a time in my life when so many people are seeing the retirement years as a time that signals the closing years of their lives, I feel as though I have just started to truly live.

By Susan Lee, Hadleigh, England

Related Reading:
Expressing Myself and Being True

805 thoughts on “Communicating with, and Talking to People – No longer Calibrating my Expression

  1. Susan I can truly connect to this blog, as expression has been the forefront of all my issues in this lifetime and no doubt many others. This calibrating of expression still outplays however not to the extent as it used to, by ruling or controlling my life exacerbated as the years passed by.

    Expression is everything and in everything, and when we don’t express, some where along the body, something will become affected due to the lack of this and in my case, it was the thyroid.

    How we express for those who haven’t expressed to their fullest potential, is a working progress and it doesn’t have to look or be perfect in anyway. And if anything, appreciate that to make the choice to express from our true self is much to appreciate than not expressing at all.

    Thank you for bringing this awareness for myself, I have much to appreciate, I have come so far a head with my expression then ever before.

    1. That’s beautiful Shushila – the more we are willing to be open the more we can offer the world in the way of clear expression. We can maybe offer people their first opportunity to feel the truth delivered in a way that is holding and without judgement.

  2. There are many layers to expressing ourselves. Often just when you think you’ve got it life shows you there’s always more. Or when avoiding that more life nudges you. We can only delay for so long.

  3. So much happens in the communication process, not just the expressed words, but our whole body expression that goes along at the same time. If we can so easily read a person who is speaking to us, picking up the truth of their feelings, how easily they can also read us when we are not expressing in our fullness of our being. And yes this can change as we develop a deeper understanding and awareness of the love that resides within us all. Thank you Susan for your expression.

  4. Someone was talking over a situation that happened recently and to me they were fluffing around not getting to the point, I suggested that they just tell it like it is. And interestingly they said you cannot say that you’re too blunt. But yes you can say things that directly open up a situation so that everyone has an opportunity to look at what is going on. When you wrap something up in nice no one gets to learn from the experience and nice can let in all sorts of other complications such as blame, lack of responsibility, victimhood and dumping reactions onto others.

    1. There’s another form of communication, they appear to mean well or, look at me see what I am doing and yet underneath there is a hidden agenda and it is for themselves. I can smell that a mile away.

  5. What a great understanding and awareness to have come to, ‘I am beginning to understand that my whole body is communicating all of the time in one way or another and that my words are a reflection of how my body is’.

  6. “The ‘old ways’ of talking and communicating with people no longer work for me and somehow don’t truly reflect who I am.” I have really been feeling this lately and pondering on how many changes I am feeling within myself, which are happening quite regularly, and assessing whether I am allowing myself to truly express from this ever changing new place within me. I still feel like the same me, there’s just more of me now present and deeper expressions of my inner qualities. It’s a really important area to look at – are we expressing (and enjoying) the fullness of ourselves?

  7. Being scared of how another person may view us is so deabiliting it stunts us from being the magnificence we are designed to be.

    1. I wonder if that is what is happening energetically, at some level we are being stunted, or allowing ourselves to be stunted so we do not have to emanate our glorious selves.

  8. Thank you Susan, great topic that I Love working with as the power of understanding and feeling the true vibration of words so the energetic meaning is not lost and a glaring example is our Soul and the reinterpretations that we all have had and one more simple example other than the obvious Love equation is the value we place on frugal as in its origins it is to lessen the spirit so we can re-connect to our Soul and being Truly Loving in that connection as we all equally can. And finally when we respond it is our Soul in connection and if we are in reaction we have not been frugal enough with our spirit.

    1. Dear Greg – ‘frugal’ is not a word I have ever considered in great depth. However, from what you have shared I am feeling that it is about the value of simplicity – and I will ponder this some more today. Thank you.

      1. Dearest Susan, frugal from the Latin meaning, worthy/honest/deserving; thrifty/frugal/simple; temperate/sober, so as you have shared it has a simple component and also greater values towards being connected to our Soul.

      2. Thank you Greg – so beautiful when we connect and explore the true beauty that comes through words. We are supported to go deeper when we drop into the true meaning.

  9. Amazing sharing Susan, and one that many can relate to, I am sure. I certainly can relate to this too and the frustrations that arise when I hold back that which I really want to say and taylor what comes out to suit the other person instead of saying it as it is and letting the other deal with it. This of course refers to a conversation shared in openness, respect and always with holding the other as an equal.

    1. When we share from our innermost we are offering the other person a moment to connect to a deeper point of connection. All we need to do is hold them in love.

    2. Thank you Henrietta, and I take it you were being playful with words when us “taylor to suit” as we can stitch up our conversations and thus make the seemingly perfect suite where every seam counts but a true vibration in expression lays it all to rest and undoes the seemingly impossible.

  10. “At a time in my life when so many people are seeing the retirement years as a time that signals the closing years of their lives, I feel as though I have just started to truly live.” It is wonderfully liberating to just be and share who you naturally are.

  11. “When I express to my family there is a familiarity to it that can be quite abusive.” This line really stopped me in my tracks, because it’s so true. I can see how there can be patterns of communicating that are not truly respectful, honest, loving or caring in families, which we tend to think of as the place where this would not happen. There is something about the lowering of standards in families (and other familiar relationships) that we see as love, or as OK, when it’s really not. If we consider that love holds everyone equally so much is exposed here with how we communicate.

    1. Love would never allow such abuse – learning that it’s safe to be honest is so freeing and empowering – and takes the pressure off everyone. This way we can all learn to be ourselves.

    2. Having begun a relationship with space it feels like one of the most beautiful relationships that we can embrace and nurture in ourselves. Having been living with contraction where any space had been totally squeezed out I am now aware of the blessing that space offers us. It is a resource that allows me to feel my own delicacy and sensitivity and thereby connect to that same quality in others. I deeply appreciate the opportunity to explore further your awesome blog.

  12. The way that we express verbally is quite literally the ‘mouth piece’ for the body and so whatever the body is feeling our verbal expression will reflect that, even if our well chosen words say the opposite.

    1. Ooh, I can feel the ouch when you say ‘well chosen words’ – I spent many an hour rehearsing how to approach a difficult situation little realising that I was compounding the difficulty – and all I needed to do was to connect to my body and live the truth I found within.

  13. “The ‘old ways’ of talking and communicating with people no longer work for me and somehow don’t truly reflect who I am”. If we are not living the truth of who we are then our words and the way we speak will reflect that. It’s not possible to speak the truth without living it first.

  14. How amazing it is to be able to truly feel that it is ok to simply be ourselves after life times of role playing.

    1. I agree Fumiyo – What a relief too to take away that imposition of having to play a role or be something one is not! It is certainly very liberating, though can be testing us in terms of standing steady with our connection with self.

      1. Playing roles is so complicated and is very wearing whereas a simple life expands and evolves us back to a being that emanates love.

  15. “I was under the impression that the only part of my communication that anyone felt was from the words I spoke when I was talking to people: now I am beginning to understand that my whole body is communicating all of the time in one way or another” – I agree. Funny how we settle for this mutual unspoken agreement when every one of us can actually feel everything, and keep the pretense and ignore the multidimensionality that is always being communicated.

    1. And what I am feeling from your comment that as we become more honest with ourselves we realise that this has been the whole purpose of our lives thus far – to block ourselves from the ‘multi dimensional’ beings that we truly are. Perverse, but true is what I am finding as I peel back the layers of illusion that I have been living in which may sound harsh and yet the result is that I can begin to free myself and surrender to the magnificence and joy that is our heritage.

  16. Hi Susan, I enjoyed reading your blog again, for your honesty and the sheer loveliness of feeling the true you come through. I have arrived home from a day out in the world and noticed on some occasions I wasn’t really able to be me fully, which got me pondering on why. The awareness alone will allow me to feel where I am at when I’m with people, and in those moments support myself to come back to me and express in full. It seems like protecting or changing ourselves is the right thing to do but the truth of it is we miss ourselves deeply in those moments. We are taught to look outside of ourselves for what we need, but there’s nothing like the joy of being in connection to ourselves and sharing that with others.

    1. When we begin to feel the truth of what you say Melinda – that ‘we miss ourselves deeply in those moments.’ we have an opportunity to go deeper – to allow these feelings to free themselves from the constant imposition that we have placed on them. I ponder on how far we have roamed from feeling ‘joy of being in connection to ourselves and sharing that with others’.

      1. Reading your comment again Melinda I can feel that the deepening is something far more than the way I originally felt it to be – it’s a constant and forever unfolding that gradually strips us bare of the countless impositions that we have laid upon the original fiery spark that lays deeply buried within – and yet slowly will be exposed………

  17. Last week someone asked, ‘why don’t you allow the endless love you feel for people to come out without any restriction?’ And since then I am giving this a go and it changes the way I move, what I say and most of all how I look at people. I realized how much control and protection was in my eyes. Now I don’t reserve this tender, love filled look for a selected group or for when I hold a wedding ceremony everybody gets it. And boy does it feel amazing.

      1. Yes, Melinda – it will allow me to go deeper – and to change the way I move. Movement is key to us shifting all those patterns once and for all out of our bodies.

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