Communicating with, and Talking to People – No longer Calibrating my Expression

I am becoming aware that when I am talking to people I adjust the way I express and communicate according to how I feel the listener will receive my words.

When I’m talking, I often hold back and don’t fully express what I want to say because I am afraid of the person’s response, or how they may feel, or what they will think of me – this last one in particular is a big one for me.

It feels as though there is something else within me that I want to express when I connect with other people, some part of me that wants to reach out in a way that truly honours what I feel inside – not a set of superficial words that will gain attention but do not communicate any sense of who I am. I would like to change the way I communicate with people – not judging their expectations and the possible outcome.

It feels as though I have three main ways of expressing when I’m talking to people…

  • One to my family
  • One to friends
  • And another truer way of expressing when I am connecting deeply to myself.

This last way is a way that has recently developed since being introduced to the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. I am not being told what to do, but I have been inspired and it feels as though I have begun to open up to new ways and to making different choices.

The ‘old ways’ of talking and communicating with people no longer work for me and somehow don’t truly reflect who I am. I am beginning to have more awareness of the deeper effect of how my words impact on both myself and others.

In the past I always believed that no one would find out when I was grumpy – in fact, I would not have admitted this fact to myself, let alone anyone else. I can now see that it is so apparent as I can feel the tenseness in my body and face, and that tenseness is clear for anyone else to see and feel. Also, if I can pick this up from someone else, which I can, then it makes sense that they will also be able to see and feel it in me.

I was under the impression that the only part of my communication that anyone felt was from the words I spoke when I was talking to people: now I am beginning to understand that my whole body is communicating all of the time in one way or another and that my words are a reflection of how my body is – so if my body is tender so will my words be, and if my body is in anger, what and how I express will be tainted by that anger…

There are so many little giveaway signs with talking, communication and expression such as the tone of my voice, the speed at which I speak, and the way I put the sentences together. There is also my body language.

Why would I develop different ways of expressing and communicating with people? – It feels as though I have made life very complicated…

Looking back to when I was about three, I have realised that being totally myself did not feel safe. When I was truly myself – that tender, loving, precious little girl – I was made to feel and was told that I was too sensitive. It feels even at that age I felt isolated and rather than choosing to stay true to myself I abandoned my gorgeous, loving and playful little girl and enjoined others. There was an inner conflict in this that I felt inside: why was it that something that felt so true to me was rejected, even by those close to me?

The hurt and realisation of this is something that I have allowed to affect my behaviour throughout my life.

It feels at this point that I allowed others to decide how I was to talk, express and behave in the world: instead of trusting my own feelings and what I felt deeply inside, I handed my power over to what was outside of me. This feels like a betrayal of who I really am.

When I express to my family there is a familiarity to it that can be quite abusive. As a defence from what felt like a very unsafe world I learned to calibrate what I said in order to not be bombarded with this barrage of weapons. The words often felt like arrows going through my heart.

For the greater part of my life I have been holding back talking to people and expressing who I really am. As I grow older it feels as though there is an urgency to let go of all the control, manipulation and complications that have been involved with hiding from the world.

It is time to reach out and communicate with people how I feel, and to express from my heart in a new and beautiful way how I feel about the world: to begin to honour not only myself but also humanity, not allowing expectations to hinder the process. I feel truly blessed to have found a way that is loving and supportive through the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.

At a time in my life when so many people are seeing the retirement years as a time that signals the closing years of their lives, I feel as though I have just started to truly live.

By Susan Lee, Hadleigh, England

Related Reading:
Expressing Myself and Being True

775 thoughts on “Communicating with, and Talking to People – No longer Calibrating my Expression

  1. Hi Susan, I enjoyed reading your blog again, for your honesty and the sheer loveliness of feeling the true you come through. I have arrived home from a day out in the world and noticed on some occasions I wasn’t really able to be me fully, which got me pondering on why. The awareness alone will allow me to feel where I am at when I’m with people, and in those moments support myself to come back to me and express in full. It seems like protecting or changing ourselves is the right thing to do but the truth of it is we miss ourselves deeply in those moments. We are taught to look outside of ourselves for what we need, but there’s nothing like the joy of being in connection to ourselves and sharing that with others.

    1. When we begin to feel the truth of what you say Melinda – that ‘we miss ourselves deeply in those moments.’ we have an opportunity to go deeper – to allow these feelings to free themselves from the constant imposition that we have placed on them. I ponder on how far we have roamed from feeling ‘joy of being in connection to ourselves and sharing that with others’.

      1. Reading your comment again Melinda I can feel that the deepening is something far more than the way I originally felt it to be – it’s a constant and forever unfolding that gradually strips us bare of the countless impositions that we have laid upon the original fiery spark that lays deeply buried within – and yet slowly will be exposed………

  2. Just starting to truly live in one’s sixties, sounds crazy but I can confirm that this is very possible and true for me as well. I am working harder at 68 that at any previous time in my life and loving it. I don’t feel my age and rarely act it.

  3. Last week someone asked, ‘why don’t you allow the endless love you feel for people to come out without any restriction?’ And since then I am giving this a go and it changes the way I move, what I say and most of all how I look at people. I realized how much control and protection was in my eyes. Now I don’t reserve this tender, love filled look for a selected group or for when I hold a wedding ceremony everybody gets it. And boy does it feel amazing.

      1. Yes, Melinda – it will allow me to go deeper – and to change the way I move. Movement is key to us shifting all those patterns once and for all out of our bodies.

  4. “….my words are a reflection of how my body is – so if my body is tender so will my words be, and if my body is in anger, what and how I express will be tainted by that anger…” – so true Susan , the nature or way we hold our own selves really sets the foundation for how we will be, how our nature is with others too and from this develop every kind of relationship.

  5. When we are simply ourselves, life is uncomplicated and clear. I look back at the many different ways I felt I had to present myself, depending on the situation, location and/or company, and how enmeshed and chaotic it was as I tried to manage which version I was meant to be at any given time. The steadier I become as me, knowing who I am and what my qualities are, the simpler and more fun life is.

    1. It feels like madness in retrospect when I realise how chaotic I have made life when I am constantly having to check which version of myself I am presenting. And yet this is how it is until we begin to understand that life can be different if we so choose.

  6. Thank you Susan, I’ve just read a blog about relationships, love, and letting people in and it’s dawned on me that changing our expression is just another form of protection, and quite exhausting always being on guard and changing who we are. It makes sense doesn’t it to just be ourselves across the board. Our one true self across all of life, not many people by changing ourselves and accommodating others, etc. Thank you for this blog and the awareness and inspiration its given me to look at this.

    1. Reading your comment Melinda I am pondering on why we would want to be anything but our true selves and the same with everyone we meet – particularly as they know the game we are playing. We have wandered so far from our innate essence that we have found a way of surviving but always compromising. Why not lets start offering our all – the all that we innately are?

  7. When we allow our unresolved hurts to govern how we live our expression and beingness is calibrated in order to seek a desired outcome of playing safe to stay in protection. The more we connect to who we naturally are and deepen our appreciation of all that we are the more we feel that the joy of our innate beingness is too joyful to contain and keep to ourselves.

  8. ‘As I grow older it feels as though there is an urgency to let go of all the control, manipulation and complications that have been involved with hiding from the world.’ Beautiful Susan, it is a powerful step when we stop holding back and begin to express who we truly are – the best medicine on offer.

  9. In learning more about abuse and corruption lately I realised the moment I calibrate and adjust my communication to what I think people can handle from me, the truth and thus the love are gone. And how abusive is that for myself and the other(s).

    1. Yes, and I have noticed recently that sometimes when I am doing this I am judging from an arrogance that they will not have the same perceptions of life that I do.

      1. Beautiful to observe our judgements and let go of them. I didn’t realize I have so many. This morning I could feel if people don’t see me and respond to the love I offer I want to withdraw and it was a beautiful exercise to stay and love them even more.

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