The Force Behind Rage

When I was a young teenager, I remember my grandmother taking me and my brother to a war movie at my brother’s request, called The Battle of Midway in “Sensurround”, which basically meant loud sound that came at you from all directions.

I was shaken (literally) and left the cinema feeling quite disturbed, but unable to express what it was I was feeling. I actually wanted to cry. I did not like violence in any shape or form and seeing people being hurt and killed really upset me.

I became more aware of news reports detailing wars and violence around the globe, and developed a fear that there would be another world war and that there was a possibility that I could be conscripted to go and fight in such a war.

This fear lasted into my thirties and I always had a plan for how I could avoid fighting in a war. I considered myself a pacifist, a gentle guy, one that always avoided fighting at all costs, although there were a few exceptions.

After regularly being bullied by my brother up until the age of 13, something extraordinary happened one day… my usual defense became attack. My frustration was eventually unleashed from not having been able to break the cycle of having an older brother regularly trying to, and mostly succeeding, in hurting me and using, at times, extreme violence.

What really hurt was the awful feeling of that moment when I felt a change in my brother, from being a person that I could reason with, to someone who was so disconnected that he was unable to see or hear me.

I had also seen and felt this in my father and others and knew that what came next would hurt in terms of both the physical act and the awful energy behind it. For on this day, my fear of being hurt again led me to choose my own rage.

I felt an energy enter my body, and suddenly I had the strength of a bull. I ran at my brother as he was about to attack me, and knocked him clean off his feet. He was shocked as he found me sitting on top of him, pinning him down with clenched fists, demanding “That’s enough!”

We were both shocked at what happened and it changed something in the way we saw each other, for in this instance, we had both been in the same devastating energy, and we had both had to feel the horrible reality of the resulting damage that you are faced with when the rage is over.

It brings up a great sadness, regret, and if you allow yourself to feel it, a deep hurt. We had now felt the extent to which each other would go to avoid and defend feeling the depth of our sadness and hurts. We were both perpetrators and victims. There was still a love between us, but we now reflected to each other a behaviour that we had previously not wanted to see or own, but had been living with nonetheless.

What was this energy that I called in and how did I know to do it? It felt both familiar and scary at the same time. I knew that this energy was both harmful and dangerous as I had observed it many times in others, and always felt scared when I felt it and saw the results of this rage in action.

I called on this rage energy a few more times and it scared me more each time as I had become a strong young man and felt that I had the potential to kill another from this state that once called in, I could not control.

Twice in my teenage years I called in this rage energy, both times to stop bullies who had gone too far and repeatedly hurt others, and both times I was scared and shocked by the force behind my actions, and so were those around me.

I would say that from this time on, I decided never to call in this energy again, but the learning had not yet been completed. At the age of 20, one Saturday afternoon I received a phone call from an extremely upset girlfriend.

I arrived soon after with grave concerns about what had happened and how she was. A young Constable tried to tell me about the assault that had taken place, but was struggling to express what had just happened.

I was becoming extremely frustrated as my concerns for my girlfriend were escalating the longer I was left not knowing how she was. Eventually, a more senior female officer took over and began to explain the details of the sexual assault involving a man in a balaclava with a large knife.

At this point in time, I again felt a cold energy run right through my body, and in an instant, my thoughts changed completely. I recall that I could no longer hear what was being said, and all I could think about was harming the offender if he was caught and brought into my presence.

These violent thoughts lasted for only a few seconds and then, as suddenly as they had come, I was back in my body and wondering where all of that had come from.

The thoughts were quite shocking and I could feel at the time that they did not come from or belong to me. As soon as I realised this, the thoughts were gone, my concern for my girlfriend returned, and I began to listen again and worked with the police so that I could get to see her as soon as possible.

So there it was: I was shown in an instant that if I was pushed emotionally beyond a certain point, I was capable of having evil thoughts and potentially harming another human being.

The really strange thing was that after seeing that my girlfriend was physically ok, but deeply shaken and upset, my thoughts returned to the perpetrator for a moment, but this time I wanted to understand what could have possibly happened in his life to drive him to such harmful behaviour towards women.

Over the following months I began to see the deeper effects of the assault on my girlfriend. The assault changed the way she felt about herself and eroded her trust in men, relationships and life. I felt the result of the evil energy that impacted on another’s life.

The damage caused by abuse runs far deeper than the obvious physical damage. It makes us feel unsafe in the world, erodes trust and separates us with fear. Unless we begin to understand what happens in a person’s life to allow them to get to a point where they are capable of committing harmful acts, then we will never break the cycle of abuse and this evil energy will continue to separate us.

I have not had a thought to harm another or been physically violent for over 30 years now, but I have had times when I have felt my frustration again building towards a rage.

I spoke about it to Chakra-Puncture practitioner Michael Benhayon during a session, and he asked me to feel into how long the frustration had been building and what was at the core of it.

This offered a great reflection and I could immediately see that rage never comes in a moment,rather it is the result of energy building in the body over time, often for months or even years, until it is finally triggered by a deep emotional reaction to something and we explode in a moment of rage, which also explains why the energy feels bigger than what would be a true reaction in that moment.

From my own experiences and observations, I feel that I can begin to understand the energy and circumstances that lead to the rage that causes so much harm in so many situations. It is always awful and never ever justified, but at least I feel that I can relate to what people may be going through; the lack of connection, understanding and control leading to that point in time when the explosion and resultant harm takes place.

Abuse has been around for as long as we know and unfortunately, will probably be with us for a while yet. What I can do is to be honest about my own experiences and invite others to talk about their own experiences so we can all bring, without judgment, some awareness and honesty to this extremely disturbing and harmful aspect of human behaviour.

I know that we are not hateful or violent beings by nature, but what I have experienced both as a victim and as a perpetrator, is that if we disconnect from the caring, insightful, loving people we are for long enough, we can align to an energy that has the potential to make us act in ways which are extremely harmful to ourselves and those around us.

History can offer countless examples, from the personal to global level, that confirm the extremes of the harm that we can perform when we choose this ill energy.

Many of us grew up feeling the effects of a century of wars and the devastation and separation that still deeply affected individuals, families, communities, in fact, all of mankind.

Let the true conversations around violence begin. Let us bring awareness and understanding to the real force behind rage and violence. We all have a responsibility for our own actions, to begin to understand ourselves and others at a much deeper level and finally begin to break these very old and extremely harmful patterns and behaviours so we may once again return to the tender, loving, caring and compassionate beings that we truly are, innately so.

By RBS

Further Reading:
Road Rage… Can We Regain Control Of Our Reactions?
Abuse – My Understanding So Far
Life after Family Violence and Abuse: Learning to Love Myself

721 thoughts on “The Force Behind Rage

  1. Anything that is not love is not acceptable in our lives and feels horrible if we are honest, a lack of harmony, a seemingly insignificant example of self abuse, the list could go on and on.

  2. Lives of many people are heavily affected by the abuse that is brought to them in any shape or form independent of the severity of the abuse that is done to them.

  3. I know exactly what you are saying here RBS about the violence and abuse of the movie environment. People desire to be surrounded by sensation and sound to numb their overwhelming pain, but the onslaught that comes from such a situation is very harming. It is as if we are deliberately saying ‘yes’ to being attacked sensorily. You could feel that as a young sensitive teenager – and it probably would have been difficult to express how you were feeling for fear of being ridiculed or told you were not ‘man enough’ to take it. On those extremely rare occasions that I see a movie it is shocking to feel nowadays the onslaught of the previews and ads, even before the movie starts.

  4. This blog is a treasure that brings a very needed light into the violence and bullying subject. It’s clear that the person who bullies has been bullied before. This situation comes from a somehow ‘anger chain’ that just can be broken with the honesty and awareness that come from love… as only with love it is possible to understand the origin of abuse and stop the violence trend.

  5. How important is it to be aware of the energy we allow and choose to run our bodies, ‘if we disconnect from the caring, insightful, loving people we are for long enough, we can align to an energy that has the potential to make us act in ways which are extremely harmful to ourselves and those around us.’

  6. Thank you for your honesty, RBS. You’ve provided a profound level of understanding about rage and how the release of it isn’t commensurate necessarily with the incident per se but is the aggregate of a series of unresolved reactions from the past that will out eventually, when sufficiently triggered. Developing this understanding in ourselves and others can assist us in managing our emotional reactions to ensure we are not carrying around lingering time-bombs that can have far-reaching impact on the lives of others.

  7. ” We all have a responsibility for our own actions, to begin to understand ourselves and others at a much deeper level and finally begin to break these very old and extremely harmful patterns and behaviours so we may once again return to the tender, loving, caring and compassionate beings that we truly are, innately so.”
    This is very true and this day will come, and the more we work on whats true the quicker it will happen thanks for sharing.

  8. Great call to start conversations about violence and the rage that we are all capable of letting rip through us. Until we are willing to be honest about this nothing will change. Recognising that these events do not come out of nowhere and being willing to track them back and supporting, in particular, our young men to access their feelings so that they do not need to bottle them up where they are more likely to be expressed inappropriately are all necessary steps to change the direction we are going in as a society where violence seems to be increasing and so many appear to feel they are powerless to change this. We all have the power to change our own behaviour and inspire other to do the same.

  9. As there has been a rise over recent years in domestic abuse and violence it definitely feels needed to open conversations such as these, about the patterns of behaviour that can overcome us and the energy in which we move in. It is also important to note that there is always a trauma felt at a point in someone’s life that then stays within their bodies far after the event has occurred. Without an open forum to discuss what may be going on, violence and abuse will continue to escalate without support.

  10. Rage is more than an explosion of constant building and momentary disconnection from the body. It is the result of a pattern of movement in disconnection from the body, due to the fact that we have said yes to abuse.

  11. It feels like that by being in disconnection to ourselves, we open up a space for energy to come through us that can damage other people either physically and/or psychologically for a long time to then do the same to others because as you say: “The damage caused by abuse runs far deeper than the obvious physical damage.”. And thus we have a great responsibility in being loving with ourselves, letting ourselves feel what we feel, talk about it with people, express our love and care and be the loving tender person we are. So we don’t leave ourselves and thus a space for evil to come in.

  12. Thank you for sharing RBS. I also experienced rage as a building up of unexpressed stuff.
    It is very important we express ourselves in the moment itself otherwise it gets stuck in the body and explodes out in another moment much stronger.

  13. This blog is deeply healing with the honesty it is written from – this force of rage sounds akin to a ‘red mist’ descending over the eyes and brain that closes down all reason as the force disconnects all awareness of the body, only the instinct for survival at any cost is what plays out.

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