The Force Behind Rage

When I was a young teenager, I remember my grandmother taking me and my brother to a war movie at my brother’s request, called The Battle of Midway in “Sensurround”, which basically meant loud sound that came at you from all directions.

I was shaken (literally) and left the cinema feeling quite disturbed, but unable to express what it was I was feeling. I actually wanted to cry. I did not like violence in any shape or form and seeing people being hurt and killed really upset me.

I became more aware of news reports detailing wars and violence around the globe, and developed a fear that there would be another world war and that there was a possibility that I could be conscripted to go and fight in such a war.

This fear lasted into my thirties and I always had a plan for how I could avoid fighting in a war. I considered myself a pacifist, a gentle guy, one that always avoided fighting at all costs, although there were a few exceptions.

After regularly being bullied by my brother up until the age of 13, something extraordinary happened one day… my usual defense became attack. My frustration was eventually unleashed from not having been able to break the cycle of having an older brother regularly trying to, and mostly succeeding, in hurting me and using, at times, extreme violence.

What really hurt was the awful feeling of that moment when I felt a change in my brother, from being a person that I could reason with, to someone who was so disconnected that he was unable to see or hear me.

I had also seen and felt this in my father and others and knew that what came next would hurt in terms of both the physical act and the awful energy behind it. For on this day, my fear of being hurt again led me to choose my own rage.

I felt an energy enter my body, and suddenly I had the strength of a bull. I ran at my brother as he was about to attack me, and knocked him clean off his feet. He was shocked as he found me sitting on top of him, pinning him down with clenched fists, demanding “That’s enough!”

We were both shocked at what happened and it changed something in the way we saw each other, for in this instance, we had both been in the same devastating energy, and we had both had to feel the horrible reality of the resulting damage that you are faced with when the rage is over.

It brings up a great sadness, regret, and if you allow yourself to feel it, a deep hurt. We had now felt the extent to which each other would go to avoid and defend feeling the depth of our sadness and hurts. We were both perpetrators and victims. There was still a love between us, but we now reflected to each other a behaviour that we had previously not wanted to see or own, but had been living with nonetheless.

What was this energy that I called in and how did I know to do it? It felt both familiar and scary at the same time. I knew that this energy was both harmful and dangerous as I had observed it many times in others, and always felt scared when I felt it and saw the results of this rage in action.

I called on this rage energy a few more times and it scared me more each time as I had become a strong young man and felt that I had the potential to kill another from this state that once called in, I could not control.

Twice in my teenage years I called in this rage energy, both times to stop bullies who had gone too far and repeatedly hurt others, and both times I was scared and shocked by the force behind my actions, and so were those around me.

I would say that from this time on, I decided never to call in this energy again, but the learning had not yet been completed. At the age of 20, one Saturday afternoon I received a phone call from an extremely upset girlfriend.

I arrived soon after with grave concerns about what had happened and how she was. A young Constable tried to tell me about the assault that had taken place, but was struggling to express what had just happened.

I was becoming extremely frustrated as my concerns for my girlfriend were escalating the longer I was left not knowing how she was. Eventually, a more senior female officer took over and began to explain the details of the sexual assault involving a man in a balaclava with a large knife.

At this point in time, I again felt a cold energy run right through my body, and in an instant, my thoughts changed completely. I recall that I could no longer hear what was being said, and all I could think about was harming the offender if he was caught and brought into my presence.

These violent thoughts lasted for only a few seconds and then, as suddenly as they had come, I was back in my body and wondering where all of that had come from.

The thoughts were quite shocking and I could feel at the time that they did not come from or belong to me. As soon as I realised this, the thoughts were gone, my concern for my girlfriend returned, and I began to listen again and worked with the police so that I could get to see her as soon as possible.

So there it was: I was shown in an instant that if I was pushed emotionally beyond a certain point, I was capable of having evil thoughts and potentially harming another human being.

The really strange thing was that after seeing that my girlfriend was physically ok, but deeply shaken and upset, my thoughts returned to the perpetrator for a moment, but this time I wanted to understand what could have possibly happened in his life to drive him to such harmful behaviour towards women.

Over the following months I began to see the deeper effects of the assault on my girlfriend. The assault changed the way she felt about herself and eroded her trust in men, relationships and life. I felt the result of the evil energy that impacted on another’s life.

The damage caused by abuse runs far deeper than the obvious physical damage. It makes us feel unsafe in the world, erodes trust and separates us with fear. Unless we begin to understand what happens in a person’s life to allow them to get to a point where they are capable of committing harmful acts, then we will never break the cycle of abuse and this evil energy will continue to separate us.

I have not had a thought to harm another or been physically violent for over 30 years now, but I have had times when I have felt my frustration again building towards a rage.

I spoke about it to Chakra-Puncture practitioner Michael Benhayon during a session, and he asked me to feel into how long the frustration had been building and what was at the core of it.

This offered a great reflection and I could immediately see that rage never comes in a moment,rather it is the result of energy building in the body over time, often for months or even years, until it is finally triggered by a deep emotional reaction to something and we explode in a moment of rage, which also explains why the energy feels bigger than what would be a true reaction in that moment.

From my own experiences and observations, I feel that I can begin to understand the energy and circumstances that lead to the rage that causes so much harm in so many situations. It is always awful and never ever justified, but at least I feel that I can relate to what people may be going through; the lack of connection, understanding and control leading to that point in time when the explosion and resultant harm takes place.

Abuse has been around for as long as we know and unfortunately, will probably be with us for a while yet. What I can do is to be honest about my own experiences and invite others to talk about their own experiences so we can all bring, without judgment, some awareness and honesty to this extremely disturbing and harmful aspect of human behaviour.

I know that we are not hateful or violent beings by nature, but what I have experienced both as a victim and as a perpetrator, is that if we disconnect from the caring, insightful, loving people we are for long enough, we can align to an energy that has the potential to make us act in ways which are extremely harmful to ourselves and those around us.

History can offer countless examples, from the personal to global level, that confirm the extremes of the harm that we can perform when we choose this ill energy.

Many of us grew up feeling the effects of a century of wars and the devastation and separation that still deeply affected individuals, families, communities, in fact, all of mankind.

Let the true conversations around violence begin. Let us bring awareness and understanding to the real force behind rage and violence. We all have a responsibility for our own actions, to begin to understand ourselves and others at a much deeper level and finally begin to break these very old and extremely harmful patterns and behaviours so we may once again return to the tender, loving, caring and compassionate beings that we truly are, innately so.


Further Reading:
Road Rage… Can We Regain Control Of Our Reactions?
Abuse – My Understanding So Far
Life after Family Violence and Abuse: Learning to Love Myself

754 thoughts on “The Force Behind Rage

  1. Observing and being aware of when we choose the energy of force is to know that we have made that choice. This offers the choice to come back to yourself and choose harmony.

  2. Everything about what you have shared RBS for me was about the importance of observing and being willing to understand, so we don’t react to or become hurt by another’s inability to be themselves, and the resultant loveless abuse we may have witnessed or experienced through another. That observation and understanding, as well as not condoning the abuse, can support us to not be affected by and then become part of such cycles of abuse where we too become a medium for the same loveless force. I really appreciate reading this today, it’s very beautifully expressed with honesty and openness, thank you.

  3. How important is it then to choose wisely which energy we align to, ‘I know that we are not hateful or violent beings by nature, but what I have experienced both as a victim and as a perpetrator, is that if we disconnect from the caring, insightful, loving people we are for long enough, we can align to an energy that has the potential to make us act in ways which are extremely harmful to ourselves and those around us.’

  4. Understandably war and aggression stands out and can be felt by many as it is very invasive into our aura but what if the do gooders and this falsity is even worse and we let it go and not feel the ensuing harm because we consider being good as okay?
    This opens the door to us living in a way that is true and appreciating the essences we all come from and letting people in, in the most natural and intimate way so we feel the harm no matter where it comes from.

  5. Yesterday I got to feel how I had been carrying the energy of rage within me. It felt toxic and if not addressed definitely would of materialised as a serious disease. It felt lifetimes old and I feel so much lighter and at ease within myself for starting to let it go.

  6. To avoid that deeper and more intimate conversation with ourselves is an abdication of responsibility to ourselves and the wider family and community we are part of.

  7. Making space to understand what the frustrations that we live with are so they do not feed the rage that comes through us in moments of explosion is an opportunity to address rage on a much deeper level.

  8. A very powerful sharing on the true harm of abuse and violence. Your understanding and awareness around this is super important to bring to everyone’s attention, as too many have settled for some abuse as being ‘normal’, and this is causing deep problems in our society on a daily basis.

  9. This is a great conversation to start. If we are innately loving as human beings and capable of acts of great love and care then how is it possible we can be so violent and cruel? There must be something that comes over us or into us that can make human beings act in such inhumane ways.

  10. Rage is one of the classic reactions, made all the more terrible because of the force that comes with it. But it has many related reactions and each one can be felt rising up and taking over who we are, the love we are, the vulnerable, beautiful people we are. We no longer see clearly and that is to everyone’s detriment.

  11. Your description of the “devastating energy” is very clear. But what if we use the same force but in a totally different way – more subtle but force nonetheless?
    For example:
    – to nudge another off track because we want to reduce them out of jealousy?
    – just to get through life and control our life situations?
    – complaining and moaning about our life circumstances?
    – to get attention and recognition?
    – to please others?
    – to be ‘nice’
    Same force, different flavour.

  12. No one is violent by nature – I agree – yet violence is globally happening every day of the week. I very much appreciate this very honest and personal account of your experiences, it initiates some great questions, such as, what turns someone from a gentle, sweet amazing human being to a person who could harm another – it’s a question well worth exploring.

    1. One of the contributing factors that can cause a person to be violent could be that they have not healed their hurts, and that their hurts have been triggered.

  13. What a great blog RBS and it is super cool that you are beginning the conversation about rage, abuse and violence in this way by being so honest about your own experiences. We do need to look beyond the obvious harm in abuse and deepen our understanding of what is occurring and how a human being can be so hurt or lost in themselves that they are capable of harming another human being.

  14. Understanding that we have free will to choose the energy we align to is a great step in understanding why we act or react in one way or another.

  15. When unresolved emotions build up they reach a point of exploding unless we are able to resolve the issue either by communicating what is going on, or by understanding that the anger we feel, is being fed to us through an energy that we have aligned to.

    1. Yes, it is so important to communicate and express what is going on for us, and that can lead to a whole new level of understanding.

  16. If rage is released after a long time emotional build up, then the responsibility is to not wait for this build up and to address it immediately when felt. No one can ever push or hurt us, this is the responsibility we have to be aware of, we create as well as un-create everything in our lives with energetic responsibility or there lack of.

  17. Rage is an energy I know well, it comes from not expressing what is felt and that suppression gets accumulated for years or even lifetimes of feeling being compromised (our own choice to not express) and we then blame this on a focal point, towards another who has to also work at their pattern of accepting abuse. What rage presents is—if we ignore and disregard our own feelings long enough due to the ideals accepted, then we are being extremely uncaring to the deeply preciousness that we are. And the only result that can come to this is to direct abuse to another. The lack of care to ourselves is what grieves is and it is exploded in how we treat another, most of the time towards our closest people as there is the accepted ideal that we can abuse family. So can’t we see that the gold that comes from a so-called horrible or fearful situation is the expose that we are governed by so many ideals that take us away from ourselves and the result of that would always be far from love. In the process, we start to return to ourselves, the us that we deeply miss.

  18. This explains why global politics is so hard, why as nations across the world we still find difficulty in working together, because at the end of the day, there can still be a protection in place that can take both sides out of normal rational thinking and in to extreme acts of violence.

  19. Understanding that it is possible to heal, and to actually become whole, even if our life has been dominated by violence and abuse, would seem absolutely unreachable to many. And yet in the process of returning back to who we truly are even deep abuse can be healed.

  20. I am fascinated to read how you felt an energy enter into your body to act in rage, and can very much relate to frustration building up towards rage. For me, it has a lot to do with denying my vulnerability and hurt, and holding back expression. I can feel how toxic that built-up energy is and how that becomes an entry point for a force to attack and take charge.

    1. Expressing is so important, in many ways, ‘I could immediately see that rage never comes in a moment, rather it is the result of energy building in the body over time’.

  21. Being forceful with another person is unnatural. On our own, we cannot be. Yet, if we leave ourselves behind, we may find situations in life in which we enter a relationship with a force that in exchange of submission to it, promises us to take care of ourselves. But while it helps us to take care of ourselves in a certain level, it devastates us in a deep way. When we start resorting to it, it owns us and when that happens life provides us with extensive opportunities to use it.

    1. Its a great point Eduardo… if we use that force once then we are more likely to use it again, and the consequences of living in that reaction are devastating not just for us but also for the people around us.

    2. So true, we seem to be constantly assessing what will keep us safe from that hurt, what will ease our pain. In this case it is possible to see that getting ‘revenge’ for the pain inflicted on a loved one, might ease the pain of being vulnerable and feeling powerless to change what had been done. Yet, when the moment of rage has passed, there is the deeper ache of asking how you could have used the same force as the original assault when you knew all along it was not right. That is an ache that stays a lot longer.

  22. You have brought a lot of understanding to how a person gets to the point where they can commit violent acts. Feeling unsafe, separate and untrusting seem to be key. This understanding is very much needed to allow people to restore and clear these behaviours and ways of dealing with life’s challenges, instead of further developing them in the prison system.

    1. It would be great for the whole world to have this understanding, then people may start to realise what is behind a lot of killings.

      1. Could it be possible that we are run by energy, and we have a choice of which energy we allow to enter, and run our bodies, ‘The thoughts were quite shocking and I could feel at the time that they did not come from or belong to me.’

  23. A great reminder Brendan, we always have a choice to either respond or react, taking this responsibility is life changing and supports to deepen all our relationships.

  24. This is a powerful blog offering great insights into the force of rage, and how easily it can enter our bodies if we allow ourselves to separate from love and truth. When we understand how energy works we can then make choices that support us to stay aligned to love where abuse and rage cannot exist.

    1. I agree Anna. Not understanding energy, (as most of the world does not) we see the behaviour as who we are. We might feel guilt, self-loathing, shame etc as a result which only creates a bigger opening for the energy of rage to enter.

  25. Rage is an extremely destructive emotion that is the end of the line for our unresolved frustrations that have accumulated – so we actually have a responsibility to actually address them before we explode.

  26. ‘I know that we are not hateful or violent beings by nature, but what I have experienced both as a victim and as a perpetrator, is that if we disconnect from the caring, insightful, loving people we are for long enough, we can align to an energy that has the potential to make us act in ways which are extremely harmful to ourselves and those around us.’
    This brings understanding and the responsibility to stay connected to our true core or seek support if we can’t do this ourselves.

  27. “The damage caused by abuse runs far deeper than the obvious physical damage.” The energy of force that is behind the abuse harms the perpetrator as well as the victim.

  28. We like to think that we are in control of everything, even when we are reacting to something like in the case of rage. Yet this is not the case and realising this is truly liberating but very disturbing to the part of us that wants to keep thinking that we are the controllers of everything.

  29. This blog is deeply healing with the honesty it is written from – this force of rage sounds akin to a ‘red mist’ descending over the eyes and brain that closes down all reason as the force disconnects all awareness of the body, only the instinct for survival at any cost is what plays out.

  30. Thank you for sharing RBS. I also experienced rage as a building up of unexpressed stuff.
    It is very important we express ourselves in the moment itself otherwise it gets stuck in the body and explodes out in another moment much stronger.

    1. In this understanding it explains why some people have road rage, and why their enormous reaction to another driver is very out of proportion with what has actually occurred, as they have been building up emotion and pressure within themselves for a longer period than just one road trip.

  31. It feels like that by being in disconnection to ourselves, we open up a space for energy to come through us that can damage other people either physically and/or psychologically for a long time to then do the same to others because as you say: “The damage caused by abuse runs far deeper than the obvious physical damage.”. And thus we have a great responsibility in being loving with ourselves, letting ourselves feel what we feel, talk about it with people, express our love and care and be the loving tender person we are. So we don’t leave ourselves and thus a space for evil to come in.

  32. Rage is more than an explosion of constant building and momentary disconnection from the body. It is the result of a pattern of movement in disconnection from the body, due to the fact that we have said yes to abuse.

  33. As there has been a rise over recent years in domestic abuse and violence it definitely feels needed to open conversations such as these, about the patterns of behaviour that can overcome us and the energy in which we move in. It is also important to note that there is always a trauma felt at a point in someone’s life that then stays within their bodies far after the event has occurred. Without an open forum to discuss what may be going on, violence and abuse will continue to escalate without support.

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