I was born Hong Kong Chinese.
I have never liked being Chinese because it never felt natural, but I have lived most of my life feeling trapped within the picture of what being Chinese meant. I was always looking to run away, to be any nationality, to live in any country but to be where I have incarnated to be.
What I wanted to run away from was feeling that the cultural traditions of being Chinese were not true, but I did not want to take responsibility in expressing this fact. In my observations and exploration I realised that there is no truth without first expressing in honesty.
In the Chinese culture, when a baby is born, because of its preciousness, the elder generations would call him or her ugly because of the belief that when a baby is adored she or he will start to be proud and therefore die.
From birth we are not confirmed of our innate worth of being alive by generations who do not know, and probably have never been confirmed, of their own worth either. Our ingrained way of expression is self-deprecating, convoluted and complicated; it is reflecting the lack of simplicity and love that are natural to our heart.
We are born into a culture where it is the norm to not accept self-worth and therefore the choice to evolve into our true being is very limited.
Being small and to hold back from our true worth is taught from young to be our normal way. From an early age we learn to not express truth for the sake of appearing humble.
The pained expressions of women, showing signs of being demure and quiet, in the Chinese culture is considered beautiful. Silence is considered a virtue.
Children grow up hearing one thing which means something else. It is a cultural norm to say something and to mean the opposite, without choosing to be aware that whatever is expressed does not simply go away, no matter how it is meant to be interpreted.
Women still choose to whiten and brighten their skin to escape being yellow. As a culture, we are looking up to the West and other cultures in lifestyles and fashion styles. Inferiority is the other side of the coin of control; when we do not honor our own worth, we are sold out to the supremacist consciousness, we use it amongst ourselves and to those we feel we can control. Control is in our blood from the lack of control we feel when lies make up the foundation of our existence. Equality is not a lived truth in us.
Many feelings are kept unspoken – we call this keeping words “in the heart” – but the truth is, what is from the heart cannot ever be kept mute by our body. Because our expression does not reflect honesty, our protection thickens. When we hide and do not share, we hold back transparency and true reflection. We do not learn from each other but keep everyone at bay.
In disconnection with ourselves, we live disconnection with others, but we call this being conservative. Anger is built from feeling truth but not speaking out. I know for a fact that my yellowness in complexion comes from the fact of what I have internalised and not expressed.
We retreat into our mind, far from the truth of our body. When we form our consciousness based on what is not true, we do not like ourselves very much and value is not something we feel in our blood. We never feel good enough, and to compensate this we compete and work non-stop to prove that we are the best. We convince ourselves that this is success, and so we continue this legacy by being dishonest to our bodies, but we make sure we look good on the outside and we do this very well. We tell ourselves it is all well worth it, by redefining success to be how we appear externally and how much money we have.
We earn the recognition that the Chinese are powerful; we think we are invincible and can reclaim the gaping hole and emptiness from our foundation by a constant drive of seeking externally, yet that is far from the truth. Our unworthiness remains no matter how much we have achieved. We do not in truth feel any more value in ourselves even with the infinite monetary zeroes in our banks.
Our bodies suffer and we further comfort ourselves that this is okay with all the forms of indulgences and entertainment we choose as our normal to not commit to life, and remain in the biggest comfort of all that “everyone is doing the same.”
For many years I have lived most of the above.
I met Serge Benhayon and attended presentations by Universal Medicine (Australia) in 2012 – a time when my ingrained patterns of looking up to, and outside of myself, were still strong. I felt aggrieved that I lived so far away from where the Universal Medicine presentations and clinics were based, as after all these years I had finally found the first and only teachings that truly made sense to me in a world that did not make much sense.
The purple books of Serge Benhayon were the first teachings that I connected with, and the books touched me deeply because what I know within my heart to be true, is expressed in them. The books did not teach me what to do or how to get from A to B, but they, as well as Serge Benhayon, inspired me to live my every day in deeper awareness and self-love, and from there my entire life gently but completely changed.
During the past 4 years I have come to accept that my Soul reincarnated in my birth place, Hong Kong, for a reason. And that reason has nothing to do with not being worthy, or that it was my loss (to be far away from Universal Medicine) to be born here.
In fact, it was such a loving opportunity for me to live step by step in deep patience and tender acceptance of my developing self. Throughout this deepening and ongoing process, I have realised that being physically far away from Universal Medicine can only mean that support is already where I am at.
The deepest support has come from my body and the lightness of joy that I know is within me. I started to understand through my own experiences as to why we do the things that we do, and what impact these ‘cultural’ choices have on us collectively as a momentum that has carried on for ages. But I also see how, although this momentum feels so strong, the connection that we can build with ourselves is even stronger than the force of a whole culture.
The power of this connection is never forceful; in fact, it is deeply joyful and light! Most importantly, when I take the responsibility to consistently express truth in all my delicateness, vulnerability, imperfection and power, this is the support to keep me going and a reflection being offered back to my whole culture.
Our culture is associated with a feeling of heaviness and being not enough, but this is only so because as generations we have avoided expressing in honesty – not because we do not know honesty but because we have not taken the responsibility to say what we truly mean or live who we truly are.
When I deepened this relationship with myself, I deepened the appreciation of being Chinese and the opportunity this has given me in re-discovering the deep connection with myself. There is no more need to run from my birth place or from my culture anymore, in fact, I wake up every day in joy to live the purpose of being born here.
The truth is I am not just Chinese, as no culture, nationality, color, religion or background can change the universal feeling I know within me.
What is experienced in the Chinese culture is not special to just the Chinese, it exists in other cultures too, and how we live in our culture affects all cultures. Every culture has its own specific consciousness from the collective choices of its people, and that we have to accept. The layers and layers of cultural prison we are held in, of which we are not initially aware, begin to show themselves when we live deeper the words that our hearts know, and layer upon layer they can also be gently released.
No matter how I look on the outside, where in the world I was born and where I am living now, what language I speak, deep inside there is something which does not distinguish me from everyone else, and this quality is who we all naturally and equally are.
Being physically far from Universal Medicine has asked me to live the responsibility of expressing the truth of who I am in my daily life and what a huge gift this is.
By Adele Leung, Creative Director/Fashion Stylist, Hong Kong
Magic of Knowing… We Are All One and The Same On The Inside
Countries in Comfort
564 thoughts on “Being Chinese – Being True to My Self”
The cultures of various nationalities around the world are a collection of ideals and beliefs but, in essence, we are all the same, one family of humanity.
‘From an early age we learn to not express truth for the sake of appearing humble’, seems to be common in most of our cultures. Believing that the young do not hold any wisdom and yet when we allow them to freely express, the wisdom that comes through them, outshines an adult stuck in their oppression. As a community if we nurture our young ones to freely express, then they don’t grow up with behaviours that keep them down all the time.
We could learn a lot from them, humanity is far from changing this way of living, but it can change, you only need one to take that step, and then it will have a rippling affect…
Adele you were certainly not incorrect in stating “what is experienced in the Chinese culture is not special to just the Chinese, it exists in other cultures too, and how we live our cultures affects all cultures”. Cultures identify and separates us even further, for one culture think they are more superior than another and so the cycle continues. Until one day, someone comes along and says to themselves that this is not all it, and searches for that feeling within that cannot be quenched by anything until a presenter like Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine comes along.
So I understand every part of this article/blog and we can relate it to even our foods we eat too.
I didn’t feel at home (after being away for a long period), that I needed to eat a certain dish and then I felt I was back at home. The key missing ingredient was not the food, but the love that was within that came in my everything was it. That which lives in all and no colour, culture, religion, foods beliefs etc does not exist as it is rendered nought when love is the lead. It is that simple…
Lovely to read of your acceptance and appreciation of life now, ‘When I deepened this relationship with myself, I deepened the appreciation of being Chinese and the opportunity this has given me in re-discovering the deep connection with myself.’
It is lovely to appreciate another person appreciation. It allows another to be in wonderment of another person’s way of living. A lot to think about…
The power of expressing how we feel and valuing who we are cannot be matched.
Adele, you do have such a beautiful way with words and I love these pearls that you have shared:
‘”Many feelings are kept unspoken – we call this keeping words “in the heart” – but the truth is, what is from the heart cannot ever be kept mute by our body. Because our expression does not reflect honesty, our protection thickens. When we hide and do not share, we hold back transparency and true reflection. We do not learn from each other but keep everyone at bay.’ – this is how the vast percentage of our society live and I too have learned to protect and hold at bay what I feel. It is a gradual process to let go and be seen, be naked in the sense of not hiding who we are.
That was a big statement, “what is from the heart cannot ever be kept mute by our body”, and how true is that? Most would not even consider that but when we put a microscope to it, it sure does. Nothing develops out of nothing, it is formed from something and that which we neglect for too long will eventually one day, speak the loudest.
Adele, this is perhaps far more common than we like to realise: “We are born into a culture where it is the norm to not accept self-worth and therefore the choice to evolve into our true being is very limited.” – happening not just in China, though perhaps more obvious now with what you have shared.
Appreciation comes with the responsibility of understanding we are more than this physical vessel thus allowing our Soul to deepen our relationship with God and this energetic reality is imperative for our evolution.
Adele you powerfully expose the consciousness of culture and how ingrained and imprisoning these beliefs and ideals are to anyone, it reduces and controls people to fit into the ‘norm’ and stops everyone from discovering who they truly are.
When you accept yourself it doesn’t matter what nationality you are, what colour your skin is, what shape your nose is – it’s all perfectly designed for you. The key is not where we’re from or what we look like but how we feel about ourselves.
“Our culture is associated with a feeling of heaviness and being not enough, but this is only so because as generations we have avoided expressing in honesty – not because we do not know honesty but because we have not taken the responsibility to say what we truly mean or live who we truly are.” The more we make Truth part of the way we live culture becomes less of a challenge and then culture has a choice to come to truth or not.
“Silence is considered a virtue.” The body may be speaking volumes when we think we are silent.
I am not Chinese but I find that I can relate to a lot of what you say here Adele and feel inspired to live more of the true me in what I have often considered an alien environment. Thank you.
I feel this applies to many cultures, ‘We never feel good enough, and to compensate this we compete and work non-stop to prove that we are the best.’
“When I deepened this relationship with myself, I deepened the appreciation of being Chinese and the opportunity this has given me in re-discovering the deep connection with myself.” such a gorgeous sharing Adele to turn around what felt like a curse to deeply appreciate where you are and what you bring in truth from living from your inner heart, a very powerful and beautiful reflection to the Chinese culture and all other cultures.
We can be born into cultures, but we can always if we so choose evolve out of the patterns and paradigms that these contain.
Reading this, I could feel myself not wanting to read. I could so resonate with what’s been presented here. Any culture, tradition we may grow up in, or observe elsewhere with fascination, some get totally identified with it and become proud, and others totally get repulsed by it and often seek an alternative, something better. We think they are all unique and different and some are better than the other, and yes they are in its presentation and details, but at the core of it, what it does to us, how it tries to net and stand in the way of our true essence is just as insidious in any.