The word ‘jealousy’ has been used to describe how we feel in relation to what another is doing. I am now coming to sense that the true feeling here is envy and so enviously is how I lived. Deeply and bitterly so, I was envious of what others did and had in their lives.
For example, envious of those who spent their days away from home working, that other people had better lives than I, better cars, bigger houses, more friends, even envious of how others could feel at ease whilst I felt constantly ill-at-ease. This list could go on for the whole page, but suffice it to say that I lived in a constant state of envy… it was never far from me.
Hiding very sneakily behind this envy was the true jealousy that I had not considered until recently: what I was really jealous of was the choices that others had made to support themselves in the way they wanted to, something that I was not choosing for myself.
My focus was instead on fitting into the life that I had. In living this way I then compared my life to others, – the comparison coming because I could feel deep within that there was another way to live that fully supported myself, and in so doing, actually would have supported all the others in my life.
Yet I was not choosing to follow this inner, subtle, yet very loud guidance that was being offered to me. So, I held back on accepting, embracing and integrating into my life what I felt deep within.
Over the past couple of years I have been observing any moment that I felt jealous and have then considered why it is that I was jealous of that person in that moment. I have begun to explore what choices I have felt for myself that I had not fully claimed and integrated into my life, and then began to do so.
As I integrate my true choices into my days, slowly but steadfastly I am adjusting the way I live my life. One of the most significant choices that I have made is to accept only love in my life. This is a very personal choice that I am discovering doesn’t have anything to do with another, but is ever-present in how I personally care for myself. When I made this choice I immediately felt that what needed addressing more than anything else was how I held myself, how I thought about myself and how I treated myself.
The difference in my life in the past 10 months is vast. I feel my grace daily, there is an acceptance and love of others that I had not ever before considered was even possible, let alone now to be living. I love myself deeply and this grows every single day, at an amazing pace as I see everything in my life as God gently nudging me to take the next loving step.
I am not yet fully clear of feeling jealous of another and this is something that I am acutely aware of. No longer do I berate myself when I feel it, but instead surrender to the love that I have within and understand it. These moments are now stepping stones, taking me to an ever-deepening love and understanding of myself and others.
When I now feel jealousy coming from others there is this sense of knowing why each person is living like they are. With this understanding there is a sense of grace in my body that holds us both in the love that we naturally are. The feeling of grace is full and encompassing, steady and strong, offering a space for jealousy to be let go of and our true loving light to be set free.
It offers a moment in time for us both to surrender more deeply to our own love and to let go of the falseness that jealousy offers, to instead claim our true power and strength and leave us with a knowing in our bodies of the harm that jealousy brings, as well as the feeling of space and freedom that is felt once this energy is seen for what it is.
I celebrate every day the difference in my life, and the joy I now feel in my days – none of which was possible until I made the choice to live by the very basic principle that lies at the base of that which Serge Benhayon presents, “to live the love that I am”.
Thank you Serge Benhayon for living the love that you are.
By Leigh Strack, Reception/Administration, Goonellabah Australia