I have always been a very driven person. Some would see it as bubbly, excited or motivated, but recently I have been supported to see that actually it is an unnatural drive, it is something I do that isn’t actually a part of who I am as a person. For example, when I close doors, cupboards or drawers, I would often be halfway through closing it and already be turning to do the next thing, or leave it to close on its own as I walk away. Or I would leave one task half-finished to start another and swap between, rather than completing one before moving on to the next.
I realised that this drive and motion was playing out everywhere:
- The way I walked (or rather ran) to catch a bus or the train
- The over excited way I talked and gestured with my hands
- The way I would be the first up from the table at dinner and clearing away the plates even before other people had finished eating
- The way I would be so easily scared by someone walking up behind me
- The way I would be thinking about everything except focusing on what I was doing there and then.
Once I became aware of these behaviours, I started experimenting with feeling when I go into drive and motion, and when I get stimulated and leave myself behind. I am now working on catching when this drive creeps into my day and instead of staying in it, stopping to bring myself back to focus on me and what I am doing right now.
For example, bringing a focus on my breathing, the way I open and close a door, the way I am sitting or walking. These things may seem simple, but they allow space to be with ‘me’ in what I am doing in that moment, whether it be catching the bus or eating my dinner.
What I then found is that as I did this, an underlying anxiousness started to rise up to the surface, showing itself in dreams about making mistakes at work or waking up in a panic thinking I have overslept my alarm when I know I hadn’t. I realised that it has been this anxiousness that is the force behind the drive I have in life, an anxiousness based on not feeling enough or being good enough, and so having to drive to prove myself and to get recognition.
As I work on addressing the drive, the anxiousness is becoming more apparent because the coping mechanism is no longer being allowed to play out. I can now see that I need to begin to appreciate that what I do and what I bring is enough, for then and only then will the anxiousness and the need to prove myself resolve.
I then asked myself the question – why am I choosing to live this way?
What is it that the anxiousness and drive stops me from getting to feel about myself?
I discovered when I am caught up in the drive, there is no space for me to stop and actually feel what is going on with me, or with other people. Being in this raciness stops me reading what is going on in situations and being able to bring my all to it. When I am moving at a million miles an hour, at least on the inside, it is much harder to be present in the moment and deal with what is there to be done, even if it is as simple as preparing and eating dinner.
What I am beginning to find is that by introducing more space, I am more able to feel what is needed in each moment – i.e. what is needed to be said, done and how – such as, is it time to get up from the dinner table, has the conversation finished and the meal drawn to a close? Is the decision I am about to make true for myself and other people and what is really needed, or am I just doing what seems to be ‘right’?
The change this has made in my life so far has been amazing and it is having a knock on effect on so many other things. I am now more open and honest about how I am feeling because I am more present in my day to notice.
I am connecting more with people because I am not so caught up in my inner race and so have more space to actually stop and meet them in the moment.
And I find I am not getting so caught up in things because I am making more space to step back and look at the situation before responding. I am by no means perfect in this, there is a whole lot more space to be made in my life, but I am beginning to see every day as an opportunity to learn.
A huge thank you to Serge Benhayon and my Universal Medicine practitioners, who have always presented that I am everything before I do anything – a valuable lesson in a world where your worth is defined by what you do, and not who you are.
By Rebecca, Student, UK
Further Reading:
Anxious Much?
To Rush or Not to Rush: That Is The Question
Connection to Self Through Conscious Presence
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
“an anxiousness based on not feeling enough or being good enough, and so having to drive to prove myself and to get recognition.” The silly thing is that we try to prove ourselves and get recognition from ourselves, so it is the proverbial viscous circle.
Rebecca this drive thing often takes us for a drive away from ourselves, and in that, we become something we innately are not. When we become something we naturally are not from, we take on things that do not belong to our bodies and so the cycle continues. Billions and billions of people are in this cycle and its a no wonder our ozone layer is being affected…
Anxiousness is rife, it drives people in many ways, then just one. When we are from that part that offers us space, then this place will become a whole new planet to live in. And when every human makes that choice, can you imagine how the beings will be then? Connected to more than just each other…
Understanding how appreciation of what we are, then this deepening relationship with everyone/thing else being divine also develops an expanding confirmation and authority of our essences.
What we don’t realise is when we race around is we lose that time to be with ourselves – we literally miss out on us. And as you have shared Rebecca when we give ourselves the space to be present in life we can respond and learn so much about ourselves and other people.
Melinda, we not only lose that time to be with ourselves, but we lose time to be with each other too. That separation is another anxiousness as no humans are meant to be on their own, no one person can be without another, no place can exist without another. We need one another, it is that simple…
Space is still something I am learning to understand fully. I have felt it, and know it to the bone, but yet there is a part of me that feels like it is the hardest thing to put into practice on a day to day basis – giving more and more space each day.
Multi-tasking does not mean that we will necessarily be slower in what we do – with focus and presence we are less likely to make mistakes and hence also complete a job or chore or task with greater quality, and from there we are also far more equipped and ready for the next job without feeling rushed or scattered. This is a powerful way to operate in a day and then get to the end of the day and feel like we are still fully together and ready for the next moment in full. This is amazing to experience – and in my experience it is not something that happens overnight and is something that I have worked on and am still working on consistently so.
When we multi-task and do things in a way that does many things all at the same time without really being with ourselves during this time, we are putting the body under huge distress by asking it to live several things simultaneously. As much as we would like to believe that we are creatures that are good at multitasking, and this applies especially so to many of us as women, it really is one of the worst things for us to do. Being with ourselves on the other hand and feeling each moment and what it brings is what supports us to be ‘centered’ and more calm and able to handle all of life’s challenges. Being scattered and all over the place and and multitasking does the opposite. In a world where we are expected to multitask, this can be a challenge to bring.
Rebecca, I love what you have shared in this blog for it is an all too common thing that we all do. This example is GOLD: “The way I would be thinking about everything except focusing on what I was doing there and then.” and is all about multitasking but not really being anywhere doing anything!
What a great choice to bring into our lives, ‘I am now working on catching when this drive creeps into my day and instead of staying in it, stopping to bring myself back to focus on me and what I am doing right now.’
We live in a world where what you achieve is far more important than who you are so is it any wonder that anxiety and nervousness is rampant in our society and we are all exhausted which is why I guess we rely on Coffee and other stimulated drinks to get us through the day.
Drive and anxiety seem to go and in hand… I know for me it does, in the drive I disconnect from my body and everything I do lacks quality, and I end up feeling exhausted and anxious because of the way I have pushed myself.
“I then asked myself the question – why am I choosing to live this way?”
First comes the awareness of what you are doing then the next important question is to ask why you are doing what you are doing….and with as much self-love and self-honesty as you can muster!
Spot on Sarah and Rebecca – for honesty is our first step in being able to realise what is stopping us from growing. We cannot bake a cake unless we check first that all the ingredients have been provided, and then once that is in place the next step is to have the willingness to bake the cake (and with no perfection here being asked, and a willingness to make mistakes and learn from them).
When we bring true understanding to how we are and allow ourselves to feel more deeply what is really at play we open ourselves up to being more aware and observant in our lives, the platform which supports true change.
I have started a new job this month and although in the beginning I absolutely felt the space to be myself, the old pattern of feeling anxious and wanting to prove myself and not letting anyone down (except myself) is in my face again. So this is a great question for me today ‘…am I just doing what seems to be ‘right’?’ And to add, how does this leave my body?
Life makes a lot more sense if you can step back in moments and observe what is happening rather than dive right in and get lost in what is happening. I find when I can do that I have much more clarity and awareness and what’s going on around me does not have such a major impact.
When we feed ourself with anxiety we go round in circles because it is self perpetuating, and yet when we stop and bring our body to a stillness with the Gentle Breath Meditation we give ourselves space to become more aware of our body and from there we are able to change our choices.
Boy Rebecca, reading this blog was like looking in the mirror for me as I can relate to much of what you shared here and I really appreciated what you said about using raciness to avoid feeling what is truly going on and responding to it once it’s read. It is like we are using the raciness and the things that keep us in it (like caffeine, sugar, dramas, etc. ) to avoid really feeling and appreciating just how amazing we are in our natural qualities without having to prove anything to anyone.
A gentle appreciation of the potential in all of us when we let go of the drive to be something we are not and just be ourselves.
I find it is very difficult to connect with someone who is running on drive and raciness. It can feel like they don’t have time to stop and connect. I used to take this personally and think they were simply avoiding me but now, I can see it so clearly that it is not personal but a sign for me to stay steady and connected with myself and allow people space to connect or not.
How our sprit loves to put our bodies in a drive, to avoid feeling love and who we really are. If we see through this game, it might be easier to stop.
When we go into drive it is impossible to connect with our body and what we are truly feeling.
I can so relate to what your saying Rebecca and the irony too is that we are only racing with, or rather against, ourselves
Drive never has a finish line and never feels enough. It never lets you feel contented and settled in your body and it also never lets you feel what the drive is actually covering up – which could be something like the sadness of not being valued or met as child.
So true Fiona, I can relate to this and can feel how I have sometimes allowed drive to cover up what I am really feeling. I used to feel the tension from using my body in drive and feel very unsettled in my body and it can sometimes feel like nothing I do is good enough. This is now changing due to connecting to my body more, being more present and doing things with quality instead of drive. It is a huge difference to now feel the settlement in my body.
Making a choice to connect with and feel our body is so supportive, ‘ bringing a focus on my breathing, the way I open and close a door, the way I am sitting or walking.’
True, there is no settlement with drive, there is always the next thing to push through.
What you describe is so me like a ‘before & afters’. ‘…I would often be halfway through closing it and already be turning to do the next thing… or I would leave one task half-finished to start another and swap between.’ So me too. I started to focus on completing things and when I needed to leave for work I would allow myself more time to finish up things and get going. That was very confronting at the start – the drive and motion were so engrained – but gradually something settled in me. I experience more space now and and just like you I can feel more of me and, very important, I am more able to feel what is needed in each moment – i.e. what is needed to be said, done and how – as you write. I am in the process of deepening that by bringing in more honesty what is truly needed instead of what I want or am used to.
Very interesting to read how you have identified appreciation of yourself as a counter to anxiousness, and it feels like we deliberately introduce anxiousness to avoid connecting with space, which would eventually and inevitably let us know the enormity of what is.
And the thing is, that this race mode as you say Rebecca, is something that so many many people think is cool, and the way to be, with absolutely no idea of the toll that it is taking upon us
The metaphor of a race sets up the stage. If you decide to participate in it (if this is how you see life), you can either quit or finish. Yet, who are you racing against? And, that is the key since you are racing away from yourself who in truth needs no races.
What a blessing it is to know that when we truly connect we do not need to be a part of this ‘race with no finish line’ that has sucked most in. Racing through life compounds anxiety as it is competitive and very stressful
All we have to do is look around And see that drive is running so many people in so many ways
Drive runs many people, so is it any wonder our health and well-being is not so great?
All races race us eventually into the ground. It is an exciting ride but very costly to our love and our well-being.
The act of completing something, even the small things, and then pausing to note the completion, allows more space.
Having no finish line is huge. So much of my life I have spent thinking when I get this or that then I have made it. It is like I have been programmed to want a rest stop, a moment where I can go ok great and rest. But what if we are here to expand and forever deepen so the moment we complete something it is so something greater can come. It brings the what is next rather than the look at me I’ve just done this. Sure it is important we appreciate and confirm what we have done but we can do this moving forward otherwise the moment we stop we stop our connection.
Isn’t it interesting how much honesty comes to us when we sleep? I have found there is a potential for another layer of honesty available to us if we are prepared to listen.
What is so important is to feel the difference between purpose and drive… The spherical versus the linear, the multidimensional versus the two-dimensional… The difference between joy and anxiety… What’s amazing is that I need to be constantly reminded of this!
When we use drive and motion to get through the day we are totally run by time and miss out on being open to feeling space and that this beautiful quality can bring to our life.
Being in drive and push used to be the perfect way to be busy all the time, not deepen the relationship with myself and others and not surrender to the stillness and sacredness inside.
I can so relate to what you have shared regarding drive Rebecca and are aware that I constantly pit myself against the pressure of time and in that rush, allow it to compromise the quality of what I do.
The drive and push are so common in people’s lives, is it any wonder there are so many health problems these days.
There’s nothing worse than listening to someone and being anxious that you have to get on with whatever it is you have to do. I find this in the care work as you are on a limited visit, which is these days is all checked electronically using mobile phones – so the office knows your every move. The client wants to talk, but we have to get on with the practical side of things – I know we are there to do a job, but people want to connect because they spend hours on their own, so it’s understandable that they want to have a conversation with someone.
“What is it that the anxiousness and drive stops me from getting to feel about myself?” And also stops us from being aware of others and everything that is going on around us.
And does the drive stop us feeling the underlying anxiousness?
Being driven to perform, always setting the goal ahead, never feeling quite good enough is a sure way to stay in motion and not surrender into the inner stillness and sacredness.
Yes, never to feel what is truly going on, though, if you look a little deeper what is truly going on is love, truth and stillness.
Well said Christoph, we tend to get scared off by the layers of hurt we encounter when we first start feeling again not realising that this is just a very thin veneer compared to the enormous love and light that lies beneath it. Worth scratching that surface I would say!
A great article Rebecca on living with drive and raciness and how it feels in the body and how creating space by being consciously present enables us to be present with our body with each situation reading what is there to feel and being able to respond openly and honestly with the situation,
Yes, when we’re running at a million miles an hour on the inside it can feel like we don’t have any feelings and we greatly diminish our ability to read situations, just because we’re not with our bodies to be able to notice what and how we’re feeling. Bringing our focus to each moment really does create the feeling of more space, because we’re in the moment and can then complete the thing usually much quicker than when we try to focus on many things at once. It’s the opposite to the multitasking mode where we perpetuate the ‘never enough’ feeling, and always trying to catch up with ourselves.
I recognise so much of this in me and around me, so many of us live life in a state of anxiousness and have coping mechanisms which mean we often do not see them. When we drop those mechanisms we get to see where we truly are and that is the start for an honesty and a space to feel what is going on and respond accordingly.
I agree, and wouldn’t you say it is a constant unfolding monicag2? where there are layers we are ready to see and as we choose whether to address that layer we are then offered the next layer. So all in our own time.
Thank you Elizabeth, I appreciated what you shared here, this is something I can add to my day also, simple and self loving.
Thank you Rebecca, this is very supportive to read this to understand drive. I feel that beliefs of ‘not being enough’ and ideals of ‘doing a good job’ and needing to ‘get things done’ as a priority over myself are definitely at play when drive is present. The anxiousness you speak of underneath the drive is really pivotal because there are often layers to why we are as we are, and understanding these and addressing them in practical ways are part of the healing process.
“As I work on addressing the drive, the anxiousness is becoming more apparent because the coping mechanism is no longer being allowed to play out.”
The understanding shared here brings a great awareness to why it is so very difficult to let go of substance abuse, or anything that we use to ignore feeling our body and the truth of the life we have made.
I can so relate to waking up in a panic, this was something that I used to experience frequently. With this anxiousness running my body, I never even felt my body, as such. I no longer wake in a panic and what is so very profound is that on waking I can feel the silkiness of my body, my presence within it and a steady readiness to ease into my day.
The simplicity in bringing our awareness back to our body, the way we’re holding ourself, moving and breathing affords us the opportunity to be more aware of the quality in the way we are approaching life.
And allowing this way of living allows a settlement in our bodies, which always feels so lovely.
I have been noticing recently a real power and natural authority that can be had when we are with ourselves in absolute presence with our body. Sometimes we go into rush and drive to avoid challenging others with this natural authority.
Yes Joshua I can only agree. The ‘problem’ does not lie in the rushing and drive but the reason why we choose and create it, as you so well said to avoid our power and natural authority.
“I am connecting more with people because I am not so caught up in my inner race and so have more space to actually stop and meet them in the moment.” When we are able to take this time to stop and appreciate another because we have taken the time to appreciate ourselves more, we open ourselves and the other person up to so many opportunities that would otherwise not be there and avaialbe to us.
A point you gave me to ponder on is, when to get up from the dinner table. This has been coming up for me recently where I dishonour myself and do not do what I want to do. I have given my power away and do things by others rhythms and don’t honour my own. I can feel then I go into the reaction of this and shut people out and do my own thing. The truth is learning to express myself within the group.
It is amazing how easy it can be to get ahead of myself, it is like I can move onto the next thing in my head without actually finishing what I am currently doing. The more I let go of the mind and what is next the more i can be present with what I am doing and the more ‘time’ I have for those around me as I am not trying to race onto whats next rather allowing it to come to me.