316 thoughts on “Developing Intimacy with Myself & Making Love”

1. There are so many beliefs and ideals about “sex”. It is great you are sharing your own experience in developing true love and in effect true making love to another. It is very much needed, as the focus in general is always in finding the perfect partner with whom you will finally have the most amazing time in bed. Instead of building this kind of intimacy with yourself first, as it always starts with ourselves.

2. Absolutely beautiful blog Nicole. The description of love making has never been more clear for me. Sex sells but love is something that we are and can choose at any time.

   1. And it is nothing more exciting than normal life together. It is just a colour and expression of the day, like cooking together or walking together. It is often said as the highlight in a relationship- not for me- there are many equal moments during the day, that I love and I feel the same connection with my partner as being in bed together.

3. Making love between the sheets is a confirmation of the love between two people who chose to share the love they live with themselves and each other, a surrender of the body to the love felt by both equally.

4. Thank you Nicole, it is through the support of Esoteric Healing sessions that I too have relaised how much I have lived in protection most of life and the more I let go of these layers in my body, the more I too can open myself to receive the huge amount of love that is there all around me.

5. Being protected I have learnt is not the answer, it does not stop us from feeling hurt, and it does not allow us to feel tenderness, ‘I could feel the protection I had built up over the years to avoid getting hurt no longer allowed me to feel the depth of tenderness in myself, nor in another.’

6. ‘Making love is more than what happens between the sheets: it’s a way of living, a touch, a gaze, and a gesture in every movement in me, and in another.’
   I love your definition of making love, it is revolutionary and true. After a day of making love in the way we live and are with ourselves and with another there can be the confirmation and celebration of this love making by surrendering to – and making love in the flesh.

   1. Beautifully said Monica. You remind me that a union with another is only truly possible if we live in union with soul.

   2. And the big word in this is “surrendering”. The more we are surrendered in ourselves through our everyday movements, the more we can be it with another.

7. Beautifully expressed Shami, what you’ve shared is gold. A huge majority of people’s understanding of intimacy and making love is not what it truly is. Thank you for clarify the true meaning of making love and intimacy because we all need to hear the truth.

8. The art of making love is all about the way we live, then life is a loving act and making love is a confirmation of this life and the grander purpose it can have because in true intimacy we can see the Godliness in eachother, which is beyond spectacular.

9. The idea that making love happens in everyday moments, and that the physical sexual act of love making is simply an extension of that is revolutionary.

10. Naturally, the more intimate and delicate we are with ourselves, the more we feel others innate delicateness, and how could we not honour that when presenting in a relationship?

11. “To feel the tenderness in another’s touch was only possible when I began to connect to and feel my own body.” I too am finding that the more I appreciate and confirm my own delicate and tender touch the more aware of it I am when other’s are deeply tender with me too. It’s like a double confirmation of who we are when we express from this intimacy it then encapsulates our lives from all angles.

12. Imagine that this was taught at schools? How to have a foundational intimate relationship with yourself first, and what making love truly is. This would revolutionise what we currently call sex education, which focuses mainly on the biological aspect.

13. Thank you Nicole all we need to do is connect, connect with our body and feel who we are, everyday.. From there much will grow..

14. Making love can be in everything we do with anyone and everyone. It is not exclusive like plain sex is.

15. Making love in this way is so much more expansive than what we have reduced romantic love and sex to.

16. Great blog Nicole for how can we ever expect from another what we are not prepared to give ourselves?

17. It puts a whole other slant on it when we come to understand that love starts with us and of course making love is an extension of that. And to do this how we live, take care of, love and be tender with us is crucial and in fact the more we embrace this, the more we come to understand that this is our natural way, that by nature we are love and it’s about finding how live and express this in life, starting with how we are with us.

18. Making love is more than what happens between the sheets: it’s a way of living, a touch, a gaze, and a gesture in every movement in me, and in another.

19. Making love is more than what happens between the sheets: it’s a way of living, a touch, a gaze, and a gesture in every movement in me, and in another. Making love is something we bring to all our relationships.

20. Thank you Nicole. Love is very easy to find if we look within ourselves but it’s usually the last place we look!

21. I really enjoyed reading how now love making to you is an extension of the quality you hold within yourself – so beautifully put and changes the whole concept of love making – that it is confirming and honoring and you can never go and seek love making to feel better because then it is just sex.

22. Loving ourselves with gentle tenderness offers a deeper connection to a delicious intimacy with ourselves. It really does put a halt to seeking from others what in truth another cannot deliver. No one else can re-connect us back to ourselves, this is a choice we need to activate. And tender loving self care is the way.

23. Beautiful line ‘Busy keeping everyone at a distance, I became more aware that I was missing the intimacy and connection I so desperately longed for from another, within myself.’ We crave intimacy and love but are we willing to instead of looking for this outside of ourselves; first give this quality and level of attention and care to ourselves instead? As is it not like for like? If we cannot do this first for ourselves then how on earth can another truly do this for us?

24. To chose love pervades every area of our life and others feel this also, amazing when this is developed in a physical relationship but not necessary as an end result. Relationships come from a commitment and foundation in quality, is that quality love or not love?

25. Super gorgeous tender blog Nicole. I feel very surrendered having read it and can feel the gift it has offered me to take into my day.

26. A beautiful message to remind us to claim what intimacy really is, that we know, and we can life. For us to claim it back – again.

27. “Making love is not just what happens between the sheets, nor is it a quality that only occurs in one moment” it is a continuous quality in our movements and the way we present ourselves to others with no holding back but a transperancy of the love of who we truly are.

    1. Beautifully shared Francisco. Everywhere we look we are confronted with images and ideals that link sex with success. True success is found in the living connection that we have with ourselves and share share with others.

28. If we expressed intimacy with ourselves and with others, and let people see all of who we are with no hiding anything than there would be far less separation between people, and far less beliefs about who we have to be as ‘men’ and as ‘women’

29. So true Nicole when craving love, intimacy from another we are missing the most delicious divine source of intimacy that is already with-in us. Being wiling and open to exploring all that is readily available is the most delightful and wondrous choice if I approach it with absolute tender loving care.

30. I remember the first time I felt tenderness in my own touch – I had been saying to a friend that i didn’t feel tender, I had been trying but couldn’t feel it. In that moment I connected to my fingertips and ran them along the top of my forearm. My touch felt so tender and delicate and I burst into tears. It was there all along , I’d just refused until that moment to accept and appreciate that it is a natural part of me.

31. Over the last few years my relationship with myself has reached depths I never initially thought were possible. Now I am starting to realise that the sharing of this love for myself with another is equally vital in order to deepen this relationship. For when I hide away my lovely, caring, beautiful nature from others I hide it from myself as well. And when I allow others to see and feel my love of myself I am in that love and then they show me the next deepening step which is beautiful.

32. In having sex everyone is in fact craving love, but it is about how much we are willing to drop the guard that determines the quality of the experience we receive- whether that is in the physical act or in everyday life, love and making love can be in every moment.

33. What does it feel like when I don’t feel like me? Often it is subtle so I brush over this and keep going and doing. This is one of the key indicators that I’m not actually being all of me, my mind and body together as one. Rather the mind is running the show and my body is expected to keep up. A moments pause works wonders when I’m willing to be aware that this is what is happening.

34. Before I heard presentations on making love versus sex with Universal Medicine, the only difference I saw was if you loved the person or not. And what loving someone meant back then was a completely different story too! I would have absorbed this idea from the many sources that influence us, so I am sure it is common. It is quite beautiful to hear that lovemaking is an ongoing part of a relationship, not what happens in bed. I absolutely agree that what we seek from others is what we don’t give to ourselves. I now use this feeling of seeking to know what I need to give myself.

35. Loving ourselves to the bone is well worth it – and in honouring, revering and nurturing ourselves, we inspire others the grace to follow suit and allow for others to honour us equally.

36. I know the protection of which you speak and the guard which seems to keep people out even when we want so desperately to connect. And this is where the science of love is important. I have found that before I have become protective or unsettled around others I have already gone into a form of protection with myself.

37. Could it be true-love-making is so all empowering it connects us to all our previous incarnations so we feel the truth of allow are? So what if we all started to make love our sheets would light up and there would be a different type of smoke pouring from our bed than what used to be portrayed in movies?

38. That totally takes an way the pressure of perform – to be a good ”..” what ever role that might be. It totally opens up the floor to be you and not be anything else. To simply love and love oneself and another. There is no game or fight or flight in this ‘love’, as it is real and there present. When we allow to be love and let it all in – we will instantly bring it out – to people. This is more of where love making is about – and indeed it is not about you and another under the sheets. Even though this of course can be part of it. Powerful piece of writing Nicole, thank you.

39. For a very long time I have done exactly the same, seeking, longing and craving the love of others. However, it has never been true love I craved, because when true love knocks on my door I reject it, I reject the loving touch of a man by contracting away from it, I reject the loving words of a wise woman because I don’t feel worthy of them, so all these years I have been convincing myself that the love of others is what I need have been years living a lie, because the love I was craving was the love I was not giving myself.

40. I have realised that I am intimate with myself and others in some situations an not in others. When I am not, it is because I have a protection to keep out that kind of closeness…because I have labelled intimacy as a closeness that is only held for special occasions and yet, in truth, I am intimate when I am sharing all of my beingness with another, no matter the occasion. This is not the kind of intimacy that has been touted as being it, it certainly has nothing to do with physical touch or sex. It is a meeting of souls and as such it is true love and joy.

41. Reading this blog again it is so quick to come back to the realisation that any intimacy we are craving from another is a sure sign that we are not honouring the intimacy that is available to ourselves.

42. ‘The protection I had built up to shield myself from the hurts was actually creating hurts: the hurt I felt of not being able to truly connect to another.’ This is gold Nicole and a great reminder how powerful it is when we let go of our protection we begin to feel a grander love and connection for ourselves and others.

    1. Well said and very true. Being ourselves allows for openness with others and the potential to expand the love of us all.

43. Wow Nicole, how beautiful to read. I love the last line “Making love with another is simply an extension of that: a sharing of the love that I have already lived with myself.”

    1. Yes this is often what is ignored in most equations as the need for another to make one feel great takes its toll over time when we are asking to find others to show us the what true love making is.

44. The greatest thing we can do for ourselves is to heal our hurts and drop the protection, for in keeping others out we only ever hurt ourselves, and the deep hurt is that we are not able to truly connect to others as this is what we all want. We are not meant to be alone and separated.

45. Re- reading your blog Nicole and I feel the depth of the words, tenderness and delicateness, intimacy and making love. Words that describe how we can be with ourselves, building a loving relationship with our body and from there sharing this divine love with others. How different from the protection you had built up to shield yourself from the hurts, the hardness and disconnection that we create from being guarded is never true and harms in every way, ourselves and others.

46. What you have written here Nicole highlights the difference from wanting something from someone or feeling like you have to perform, to feeling like you have everything you need inside already, and that getting together with a partner is an extension of that self love. Awesome.

47. Developing intimacy with self, starts with our connection to our bodies and a level of appreciation and confirmation for what is already natural within us, for it is only then that our movements communicate an openness and a holding for another to be themselves.

48. Developing intimacy with oneself sets a benchmark of how you are with yourself, other people and what you will accept in the way they treat you. This benchmark is in keeping with making love, being a living way rather than a one off event.

49. A very beautiful blog Nicole confirming how we can make love throughout our every day. How often do we consider or explore a relationship with intimacy within ourselves? I lived for many years under the illusion that intimacy was a quality that was only experienced with another, and more so, from another. I have since discovered that holding an intimate relationship with ourselves is one that deeply honors who I am in essence, based on honesty, openness and willingness to surrender to truth and love, through which we move and live in connection to our stillness, our sacredness within. And then as you have wisely shared – ‘Making love with another is simply an extension of that: a sharing of the love that I have already lived with myself.’

50. If we are not intimate and loving with ourselves then we can not be this way with another, it all starts with our relationship with ourselves.

51. At heart we all know there is a big difference between making love and having sex.

52. It is wise to consider the quality that we are sharing with another and indeed all others for this will be a direct flow on effect of the quality in which we live and conduct ourselves in, in the whole of life.

53. Why has sex education never taught us the basic principles of loving yourself first? After all it would seem that there is a ginormous amount missing if we just make sex about the physical and not about what it is truly all about – celebrating love already lived.

54. Making life about making love is a sure way to express as much of ourselves as possible in each moment. When we are connected to and feeling our inner essence, it’s difficult to NOT express and make love to everything that we do and bring that quality to all we meet.

55. ‘Making love with another is simply an extension of that: a sharing of the love that I have already lived with myself.’ I read this and feel that this making love is in all we do, making a cup of tea for colleagues, writing up reports, saying hi to the neighbour etc. How lovely to have that quality with ourselves and share it with others.

56. This is beautiful to read Nicole. It is an invitation to simply allow us to be and feel our tenderness and deeply cherish ourselves.

57. ‘The protection I had built up to shield myself from the hurts was actually creating hurts: the hurt I felt of not being able to truly connect to another’. One of those moments when you realized you are the one who is causing your own pain. Great realisation.

58. I have always known that there is a difference between sex and making love, but settled for sex because I kidded myself that it may lead to love. It doesn’t. What leads to love is the tenderness, care and respect with which we go about all our interactions – building relationships in which the physical act of making love is simply an extension of our every moment together.

59. “Making love with another is simply an extension of that: a sharing of the love that I have already lived with myself.” Most beautifully expressed, it gives us the freedom to just be and allows us to unfold the love that we have for ourselves and everybody else.

60. The definition I and many have grown up with puts it out of reach of understanding that it is something of a way of living and not just as act. It is actually a quality of energy and it is a great demise of the quality of live if we start calling just the act making love when it is not that at all if the quality of love has not been lived in us.

61. I attended a Sacred Movement class yesterday and as I let go of the protection held in my upper chest and brought my attention to connecting to parts of my body the delicacy felt in my arms was exquisite… my arms felt so precious. As I reflect it revealed to me the intimacy I could feel within the group because of my choice to connect more deeply to my body.

62. The love and tender care you have for yourself is strongly felt in your words Nicole and what you share shows that we can all develop an intimate relationship with ourselves and it makes so much sense that this then naturally extends into our life. Instead of being a permanent receiver we are then the emanator of the love we all yearn to have.

63. “Making love with another is simply an extension of that: a sharing of the love that I have already lived with myself.” Powerful words and makes so much sense, for when we live the love that we are the reflection of love is offered and can have amazing ripple effects.

64. I have learned that we can’t truly be intimate with another if we have not developed intimacy within myself. I have felt this play out a lot in my own life, whether that is with a partner, family, friends, it doesn’t matter. There is a level of protection that is there, we can keep ourselves detached from others. I have felt this shift when I let go of that protection and go deeper within myself, this opens me up and I can let people in.

    1. Yes, agreed, and what I find very inspiring is that once we open up to exploring this, there is always more… an amazing unfolding to more intimacy, connection and relationship

65. Living love within yourself every day is a way of living that has no comparison to living without it.

66. It starts with self first, ‘ I had to begin to be tender and gentle with myself, drop the guard and let people in, if I was to truly feel intimate with myself, let alone anyone else,’ and it feels gorgeous being this way.

67. The world is completely upside down from what I thought growing up. It was all about getting a boyfriend and then ultimately experience having sex or when it was done harmoniously and romantically making love. But life is not about that! It is not the end goal although it is really beautiful to experience and enjoyable. Life is about love everywhere and every moment and this is huge to accept and apply.

68. Absolutely, Victoria. It is inspiring to consider what our relationships will look like when we maintain, teach and honour intimacy and care for ourselves from a very young age.

69. I have always known that the care and intimacy with which two people shop together, for example, is making love, and to hear this shared in this article and the comments that follow, is an incredibly beautiful confirmation of this.

70. Why isn’t ‘Developing Intimacy with Self’ a subject at school, what would our society look like if this was a precursor to ‘Sex Education’?

71. Once again, true pearls from a Master of words and their correct use, used in a way to ignite the truth in another. Thank you Liane!

72. “To feel the tenderness in another’s touch was only possible when I began to connect to and feel my own body”… So often we put the ball in the other person’s court in saying that they are the ones that need to be more tender or more intimate, that making love is not possible till they are a certain way…yet true intimacy begins with ourselves first and our willingness to be tender and intimate with ourselves and then drop the guard with others. From here we can then find ourselves in a space where we can share that intimacy with another, and this then can develop into making love – under the sheets or walking down the street together holding hands…There is so much for us to explore, it is, one could say, never ending, the depths that we can go to, that we have access to, should we choose it.

73. This blog has been written in the quality of intimacy and surrender – and as I read it this time I felt how powerful it is when we let ourselves drop so tenderly into ourselves. It is infectious, inspiring, a holding invitation to surrender also. Having sex as opposed to making love when this tenderness and yumniness is our day the day connection with ourselves is absolutely alien, an abhorrent abuse to the preciousness we know we are and carry.

74. I would say almost everyone on this planet knows this feeling…it is powerful how you express it….”What I had craved so desperately from others were all things I never gave to myself: not nurturing, cherishing, honouring, loving and adoring myself, but instead seeking, expecting and craving from another the love I denied for myself.” We look outside and are continually disappointed that we are not offered the love that we seek, understanding that it comes from within first, turns everything around.

75. It is deeply empowering to come to a place where you recognize that it is the protection that we create and build up to shield ourselves from the hurts that is in fact what is causing the suffering due to keeping us separate from another… for it is only then that you can choose to offer yourself another way to be that will bring you the love and connection that is possible.

76. ‘Making love with another is simply an extension of that: a sharing of the love that I have already lived with myself.’ So beautiful and very true Nicole, making love is something that extends way beyond the bedroom and is a celebration of the deep love that has already been lived throughout the day.

77. Imagine all the books, videos and websites that are out there dedicated to having sex. Now consider that they were replaced by insights into honouring and loving yourself. When I stop and feel what you present Nicole, it’s not surprising to me that there has been an insatiable quest for ‘the secret’ to sex for all of human history. For who wouldn’t miss the love and tenderness that you can have with yourself?

78. Intimacy is the heart’s connection to the all and from this we encapsulate every movement made from our bodies. The beauty of our every movement can be an intimate, tender love moment and this then flows on to all others we encounter. How cool is that?

79. So true Adam. Whenever we rely on something outside of ourselves to prop outselves up we set ourselves up for complication, drama and disappointment. There is no love another can bring us that we don’t already have first within ourselves.

80. This is such a wonderful blog to read on Valentine’s Day, a day where most people expect or want someone else to make them feel loved. My whole body released tension when I read your words and I can feel that although it’s walking around feeling rigid and protected is something I’m used to it’s also something I can change by simply making a choice.

81. I think most of us know there is a difference between making love and sex but generally those in a relationship would consider they are doing the former. Universal Medicine has opened my eyes to the possibility that making love is a non stop thing, not just a moment confined to the bedroom. The way we pass each other in the house, the way we speak during the day, all add up to making love and the act itself can be part of the celebration of that love.

82. Universal Medicine has supported me to get to a whole new level of intimacy with myself and my partner. So yes – a touch or a gaze or the way we talk to each other can be so beautifully intimate, and then making love is a confirmation of this, rather than something we use to feel intimate. It is a totally different way of being together where each moment is not ever greater than the next, but at the same time our intimacy can deepen with each movement.

83. “What I had craved so desperately from others were all things I never gave to myself: not nurturing, cherishing, honouring, loving and adoring myself, but instead seeking, expecting and craving from another the love I denied for myself.” This is so true. Learning to bring true love and intimacy to ourselves in our everyday can then be shared in making love with our partner.

84. I’m not currently with a partner but what you share here Nicole is equally relevant to anyone we live with and anyone we spend time with. Those final moments of the day are very telling of how we have been the entire day. The connection – or lack of it – in simply expressing good night is the confirmation of how much I’ve shared myself with all who have come my way that day. Have I lived in celebration of my love, or have I shut myself down and put up a wall to others and to myself.
    And when we go to bed, be it on our own or with a partner, all we have lived is in that honest and vulnerable moment where we lie there, with our body replaying our quality back to us.
    Making love is a universal quality that we can choose to be in and express throughout our day, always.

85. This is amazing, it is in the quality we hold ourself that true making love exists. Holding ourself in the most loving way gives us no other possibility than to hold others in this same way.

86. This is an awesome blog for me to read as I am learning to deepen my level of intimacy, be more open and allow the true meaning of making love be part of my every day. Most of us crave intimacy and I have discovered what we miss the most is the intimacy with ourselves.

87. I love it so many opportunities for intimate moments were we can confirm the loveliness that we are.

88. The term ‘making love’ seems to be still owned somewhat by the bedroom. What you offer Nicole is an insight into seeing this term differently, a personal insight. What happens when you change the meaning of a word like love? You are able to dictate how we use it. Here is another insight into words and love, http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/truth-in-words/change-the-meaning-of-love-and-see-what-happens.html

89. From what you say Nicole I can see how developing intimacy and building a loving body is not something that we can switch on and off, it has to be part of a willingness to develop that quality of openness and deep care that can be felt by ourselves and others in our every move and every action. There is such a great reward in appreciating ourselves and being committed to being a body filled with love as a result of the care we take.

90. Pleasing others is a real killer – I know how easy it has been for me to go into this mode thinking that is the best way to be but ultimately all that happens is you both suffer. Whilst we may often think the other person may not want to hear the truth deep down, at least for me, I do not want anything less. I also know deep down when I am not being loving and so to be called out for it is no surprise – something it does show though is how much the other person actually loves me – for if they did not they would not call it out. Plus pleasing comes with a real needy and clingy energy which does not feel nice when you actually take the time to feel it and not just look at the acts with your eyes.

    1. Well said James, this I am learning.

    2. Being needy actually repulses another – they may not realise but it actually puts people off being around you.

91. Something I have found that if I am not making love with myself then how can I possibly expect to truly make love with another whether it is physical or not. Ultimately for me making love is when 2 people who are cherishing and being love themselves come together whether passing by, talking or the physical love making act. Otherwise if we just say it is about sex then it negates this and is purely physical when we are soo much more than physical bodies.

92. Very inspiring to read your blog, thank you. One of the gems for me was “But when I make choices that are truly caring, loving and supportive of my body, I can feel my tenderness and delicateness again.” It’s so interesting isn’t it, that what we crave to feel most we can give to ourselves.

93. “Making love is more than what happens between the sheets: it’s a way of living, a touch, a gaze, and a gesture in every movement in me, and in another.” To come to this understanding turned my life upside down, or did it fact finally turn it up the right way? So how come we got it so wrong for such a long time? But as the saying goes, better late than never, and I for one am enjoying falling in love with myself after all this time.

94. Developing a love and intimacy with yourself can be a tricky task at times as you navigate through the times that you have been super hard on yourself, or hurt by others and have put up walls of protection, but as you let go of that, and let yourself in and others, it is most gorgeous.

95. We really can’t love another, let along make love, if we are not in love with ourselves first. It can always look and feel like its making love, but 99.9% of the time it will still be very sexual and not in truth love making. This is a process for us all, learning to go deeper in that love for and with ourselves; only that will turn the dial on what it really means to connect in such a way.

96. This question is worth Gold – simply because it brings us right back to were it is truly about – love: ‘How could I truly love, make love to another, if I was not able to love and make love with myself first’..
    This question reveals the lack of love in all areas we might have looked for love and or asked love from.. But we can feel and truly see that it always come first from within and then to share.. Not the otherway around, which would be an easier thought, yet more complicated mind and way to life – as it does not work that way. It will not be a consistent true lived love.

97. I enjoyed your use of words and the way you have brought a greater clarity to the true meaning of words. The way in which you have shared about love and intimacy, has just jumped off the page for me.

98. Seeking the love we deny to give ourselves is a core reason to why we settle for emotional love instead of true love.

99. For a long time I thought I knew what making love was. Now I know that making love and having sex are poles apart. Making love brings the lived quality into a relationship, its something that can’t just be saved for the bedroom but needs to be lived consistently and then flows on with all we do.

    1. So true Christopher, love is a word that I continually have to update myself on. As I deepen my connection to my innermost the love that is becoming available to me just keeps growing.

100. Yes Nicole, thank you for sharing that.. Since when we are young we seem to have been taught what intimacy is and how it occurs in life, and so we experience it ourselves.. Often I heard people say and talk about having had expectations about this subject that at times were less then they would have wanted.. Craving or looking for something that was not totally in there.. I too have had recognized this for myself.. And found out that indeed , the reason why I felt like that was not because I wasnt enough – but I was simply missing the connection within me… Now it is the more I allow myself to connection to more I am myself and expressing naturally the love I am and the making of it.. So naturally I can express who I am and not hold back sharing the love I am with them. As making love is an expression that can be simply in handing a spoon to someone! And not just what happens in our beds. When I start to feel the truth of making love now I am inspired to connect even more. Incredible powerful we all are when we choose to e connect.

     1. I feel that what you have shared Danna, is the power of true alchemy.

101. How crazy is it that we spend a lifetime allowing ourselves to be shut down from who we truly are, denying ourselves the warmth and tenderness there is to be had for ourselves, and which we instead, so desperately seek from others. What if a shift away from being praised for what we can do and accomplish as we grow up were all that is necessary for things to change. What if more focus was brought to how lovely a child is just for being them, nurturing that loveliness of them as they are, their warmth, tenderness, preciousness, delicacy, innocence, and truth speaking (the part we want to shut down which leads to shutting everything of true value to be shut down). What if….

     1. I agree Jeanette that it is time for our focus to shift from what a child can do; run faster, jump higher etc, to “how lovely a child is for just being them”. After all they are such beautiful little beings who are filled with an innate wisdom, natural honesty and the absolute joy of life, here to remind us of what we may have lost somewhere along the way.

102. To explore the difference between making love and sex is an invitation to consider the quality and detail that lies behind so much of what we do. I understand more and more that everything is either making love or not, and in a world that simply yearns for the love we all know is possible, it is hard to make any other way of living make sense.

     1. There is always so much wisdom in your comments Matilda ❤

103. “the protection I had built up to shield myself from the hurts was actually creating hurts: the hurt I felt of not being able to truly connect to another.” This I know and feel to my core and yet I still struggle to let go of those hurts. I am making those changes you speak of and are deeply inspired by your sharing of what supported you to evolve.

104. “How could I truly love, make love to another, if I was not able to love and make love with myself first?” I like blogs like this because making love – especially to yourself – is much more than what we are led to believe. It is way beyond sex or masturbation. It is about dropping the layers of protection and healing the hurts so we can feel the love on offer and the delicateness and tenderness that is there underneath the hardness that we choose to hold onto.

105. A truly beautiful blog Nicole. If we were to follow this oh so wise advice the world would be a hugely different place.

106. Making life about love is such a beautiful way to live. Living harmoniously and lovingly with a partner is living (making) love and then the physical act is simply a joyful extension and confirmation of that which we already live.

107. Often we spend a lot of time searching for love and intimacy from other people without realising that if we are not able to be loving and intimate with our own bodies then it is not possible to truly share this with another.

108. …’I started to feel for myself an intimacy I already held within – but had never before felt or explored.’ These words speak of your sensitivity and deepening relationship with yourself Nicole. Just the fact that you express the presence of intimacy within, grounds this truth all of us to embrace.

109. What I have realised about making love through the physical act is that on a surface level there is absolutely no difference between it and sex. But what is experienced is so much more than what sex could ever be. I have found the more open I am during the day, with my partner, the world and myself, the more of me I can embrace and bring to the bedroom. It is definitely a celebration of true love and not just a physical arousal.

110. I very much relate to what you have shared and when you say, “What I had craved so desperately from others were all things I never gave to myself’. It is like we then demand it from others rather than actually giving it to ourselves. But how can we ask of another that which we 1st have not given to ourselves? It makes no sense!

111. Beautiful exploration of intimacy and making love, both expressions that go far beyond what happens between two people; it starts with us and how we live and are with ourselves and from there the ripple effect goes out and informs our every movement, if we so choose.

112. When I heard Serge Benhayon present that intimacy is just a much deeper understanding of someone it changed my whole perspective on what I thought intimacy was. I thought intimacy was physical touch but now I see that physical intimacy is just a later outplay of a much deeper and richer quality.

113. Being tender and gentle with ourselves is huge step towards, allowing love in an out and so allowing people in our lives, seeing them, appreciating them and enjoying love. There are moments when I feel so full of love and so open, that I feel so much and I am so open, I go wow, is this real…and yet it is the truth of how I feel. I have gotten used to protection and guard, but that is not real it is just what I said a protection and guard. I am learning that love is enough, lived within and expressed.

114. Intimacy deepens when we surrender to our knowing, listen attentively and act accordingly in obedience to the science on offer.

115. “How could I truly love, make love to another, if I was not able to love and make love with myself first?” – it starts with how we are with ourselves first…this I know to be true. The more I am loving with me, the more understanding and love I have for others, so there is nothing selfish about loving oneself, it is crucial to loving others.

116. This blog has been revealing to me how I have not always truly nurtured and honoured myself, and the feeling of lacking intimacy proves that. I love how Nicole has laid out the simple path to true intimacy and making love and I can see how through holding on to our hurts and focusing on judging ourselves and others we keep that protection and guard up that stops us from feeling that deep connection with ourselves, which is what making love is based upon.

117. Equally important is what we allow during intimate experiences with a partner- we know deep within if we are touched by someone with a truly loving touch. The feeling is exquisite.

118. Nicole in the absence of a life lived with love in each moment I grew up understanding making love to be between the sheets. What never occurred to me, or what i did not want to see, is how can someone “make love” if they are not first living love in each moment? And then if you are living love in each moment how is that not “making love” in each moment? There are different ways we express that Love but I feel that society has been sold very short by trying to keep “making love” separate to all that we do.

119. I have often considered that a trip to the supermarket together is one of the most confirming and love making experiences ever. To want to share the intimate and caring activity of choosing food and household goods together is very beautiful.

120. What is so beautifully described here is the difference between our pictures and images of what love is and involves rather than love as a quality that can be inherent within all our movements.

121. ‘Making Love’ is when I look into my partners eyes and we share this moment of deep connection and confirmation. We look behind the scenes and see the Universe in each other and in our connection. These moments I can also have with others but for it started with one person I choose to trust. One person who I love dearly. The expressing and appreciating of this did build a foundation on which I did go on and opened up for more people. And I see that it is a development in trust. Trust in me, that I do and will see the love that we are and connect to this love, support it in its expression, instead of picking the pieces of not-love-expression. Trust that I will be aware of the beauty and talents of others, trust that I will support them in shining out their light. The knowing that I will let go of hurts that may well come up and heal so I can open up again and not be closed for connection. So I agree from my heart, it is the intimacy we have with ourselves that we can bring into our relationships and so – into the world.

122. Its great when we realise that the intimacy we may long for with another actually is a symptom of missing that intimacy and relationship with ourselves first… because this then is the beginning of developing self care and self love which then changes the way we go about everything we do.

123. The quality we choose to love in- that is exactly it- what quality is it we decide to have for ourselves?

124. This is very beautifully shared Nicole, I can feel in your words the realness of this. As a woman, for the first time in my life I too have been developing an intimate relationship with me and getting to know I am complete as I am. It’s the loving relationship that I continue to deepen in me, that changes everything, including my relationship with sex. Sex has become about connection and love just as I hold that within me, for me, I too share that with another.

125. The protection we invest in gets harder and more brittle as we walk along with it. It holds us in an adversarial stance towards the world, towards others – it prevents us from breathing and feeling life in all of its glory – it stops us from feeling and breathing ourselves back to who we truly are. Making love is not an action, nor a term misused to cover up sexual relief – it is a way of living – a truth we all know yet have so easily covered up.

126. I have had so much shame, confusion and uncertainty around sex. I had heard that it was a beautiful thing but never felt that until I heard and let myself feel the difference between sex and making love. The difference is huge and yet we pretend we don’t feel or know it. Sex is a disconnected physical act. Making love is a confirmation of the love that we are – an expression of the preciousness of love.

127. Yes Nicole, what if there is a big gap between the different ways you can say “I love you”, what if there is a huge change in the alternate ways you can open a door? What about the way you get in and drive your car? What if this difference is there in everything we do in life, like another language we never realised we could speak – and yet it holds the keys to our heart? Your words inspire me to see that this difference is huge. The Love we all seek actually lives in every moment of my life, that I choose to embrace with awareness and an open heart.

128. Beautiful Nicole What a way to live!

129. ‘I could feel the protection I had built up over the years to avoid getting hurt no longer allowed me to feel the depth of tenderness in myself, nor in another.’ This rings true for me as a man in relation to just how I had constructed so many elements of my life in order to prevent me from expressing my sensitivity and tenderness to avoid a feeling of vulnerability only hurting myself more than anything I was trying to be protected from.

130. I find that having sex has an energy of its own that takes over. It’s a forceful energy that has a need and a want. It’s easy to disregard the actual person by allowing the sex to be the most important thing. I find that the sexual energy reduces when I connect to the whole person and meet them for who they are. In this there is space for love.

131. It is a very beautiful thing, to learn to be intimate with oneself. It enables us to build a much deeper connection with ourselves and in turn we then can feel what is true for us and what is not, so it becomes very clear when an expressed behaviour does not come from true love, and equally very simple to say no to it.

132. This is such a good point, Nicole – “the protection I had built up to shield myself from the hurts was actually creating hurts: the hurt I felt of not being able to truly connect to another.” Once we realise that what hurts is not being truly connected with ourselves and another, we can let go of the protection and allow our bodies to surrender to the love that was always there.

133. Dropping the guard and letting people in has always been a bit of a challenge for me, and I asked myself ‘how do I do that?!’, sound ridiculous now that I have come to more of an understanding that letting people in is only a matter of letting go of my own protection and allowing myself to feel my tenderness and vulnerability, and of course, dealing with my hurts on an ongoing basis and letting go of what does not belong in my body anymore. For me, knowing the difference being sex and making love is ground breaking stuff, and now I know I don’t have to wait for a relationship to find the love that I crave, I can have an intimate relationship with myself right now without the need for sex with another, by making love 24/7 with my movements, my gestures, my honesty and caring for myself at a ever deepening level.

134. ‘Making Love’ is a core directive within and something that as children we naturally do. We are all born with an innate tenderness and when this is honoured within us it is such an automatic expression. When we respect and support our children to be tender, open and honest, their ability to make love manifest is awesome and something we as adults need to be constantly reminded of, so that we too can re-claim our inherent ability to make love an effortless and natural part of everyday life.

135. Being needy in a relationship and looking for another to love and support you leaves you feeling empty. There’s a vast difference when you are able to joyfully snuggle up in bed with yourself and want to be with yourself. Not in a way of shutting people out, as many can do this too, use being single to avoid letting people in, but if you love you, and can’t wait to come home and snuggle up with yourself, to make yummy food, enjoy being with you in every moment, then that will change your relationships with everyone, for you are not looking for anyone be it work, family, partners or friends to bring you anything because you are full of yourself. And in that there is no need so it allows the other, the relationship, the space to be and feel for themselves, with no pressure or need. Now that is love to me.

136. ‘I could feel the protection I had built up over the years to avoid getting hurt no longer allowed me to feel the depth of tenderness in myself, nor in another.’ We are so brought up to be tough, that no-one inspires us to stay in touch with our natural, delicate tenderness, and eventually we forget it is there. How beautiful, then, to know that reconnecting to it is simply a breath away, and to know that it is there in all of us equally, men and women.

137. Perhaps we can also state that making love is saying ‘no’ to what is not love in another’s behaviour or expression. Therefore the most loving thing could be choosing to not be in a relationship where sex comes before love. It is absolutely no ones duty to feel obliged to have sex and note, this is a man talking!

138. You’ve nailed it on the head Nicole. We’ve been deluded – or delusional, we could say… to ‘think’ we need or ‘crave’ another to fill a void that exists within ourselves. I’ve been there, fully…
     Yet enter the richness of our own hearts and be willing to heal all that which has hurt us in life, and we heal this need and craving. It can be confrontational at times, to truly see all that we’ve played out in our relationships, but deeply worth it, for in the richness that is there to reconnect to, and then, share with another – without the constraint of needing them to confirm that which we already are – the connection becomes a pure celebration.
     And yes, this extends absolutely into our intimate relations… Today, I see ‘sex’ as purely about filling an emotional need. ‘Making love’ – is the union and deep joy of expressed unity between two who are dedicated to their own healing, and living the richness of who they are, without reservation. And, it is amazing.

139. And how glorious it is, when we live such love in relationship with ourselves, and are able to share this with another – without need or condition. The experience of living this is absolutely exquisite.

140. In living in this way, we have already made love, well before making love, and so there is no beginning, nor end.

141. “Making love with another is simply an extension of that: a sharing of the love that I have already lived with myself.” – this is gorgeous Nicole.

142. I love this Nicole, and it reflects my developing understanding of intimacy. I realise the biggest barrier to me being intimate with others is my relationship with myself. Therefore, being able to be intimate with others, starts with developing a truly intimate relationship with myself. I feel like I have to get to know myself all over again, and I might have to take myself on a first date!

143. “To feel the tenderness in another’s touch was only possible when I began to connect to and feel my own body.” I too have noticed a real depth of intimacy from my own touch and it is from this surrender to what has been there always a whole new level of awareness and love has opened up for myself and everyone around me too. I love how exploring our movements can recalibrate our souls and open us up to greater expansion and inspiration on tap. The beauty of our own intimacy and movement in totality.

144. This is such a gorgeous comment. Wow, i feel appreciation for myself that i hadn’t before, in that recently i shared with a work colleague how I was feeling about work. It opened the door to not only clearer, more personable and personal communication but there is definitely more openness and caring and respect shown towards each other in terms of sharing physical space, use of words, humor and attitude that wasn’t there before i opened up and said simply what i felt.

145. ‘Busy keeping everyone at a distance, I became more aware that I was missing the intimacy and connection I so desperately longed for from another, within myself.’ This is such a reciprocal science – what we do another we do to ourselves and what we do to ourselves we do to everyone else.

146. “That the way you live, the quality you choose to live in and from, govern whether you have sex or make love?”. What I get from reading this is a bit comical in a way…..I had a picture of 2 people coming together to have sex/make love and before they get into bed they are super busy, doing this that and whatever, in their heads, rushing around and then they get into bed, look at each other and go OK…here we are…let’s get it on/ or lets start the intimacy now.

     That it is somehow like a flick gets switched. But what you are sharing with us all is that there is more to that….that the moments leading up the the bedroom are equally as important and set the quality of what ‘action’ happens in the bedroom. Fascinating stuff to think about it.

147. ‘…I started to feel for myself an intimacy I already held within – but had never before felt or explored.’ I teared up when I read this line Nicole. To discover the preciousness of ourselves and our ability to love and be intimate with ourselves is life changing and indeed would solve every relationship problem including that of inter racial and inter country relation. We are the answer that we look for on all those levels, outside of ourselves. Thank you for this ‘gold’ of an article on making love and intimacy…

148. ‘What I had craved so desperately from others were all things I never gave to myself: not nurturing, cherishing, honouring, loving and adoring myself, but instead seeking, expecting and craving from another the love I denied for myself.’

     Though I have been honest enough to admit this to myself intellectually I had not fully felt this in my body. Recently I’ve felt the very real possibility of having a relationship with myself that’s more than an I should be having a relationship with myself but not knowing where to even start – so inevitably defaulting to intimacy substitutes like food or TV. It’s started with giving myself space to be, observing if judgement comes up and knowing I don’t have to go along with it; connection with my body through simple movements; knowing the pipe dreams of someone doing my job of loving me is an energetic impossibility; and letting go of once core beliefs that loving me could never be as good as being loved by another. As I accept my responsibility of loving me I can see life can be beautifully simple, joyful and harmonious.

149. Just taking a moment to consider that this might be a possibility, that there might be more to making love than I had experienced before has given me an opportunity to develop a loving relationship with myself and others that I had not realised was possible. I hope your blog inspires others to consider the possibility there might be more to living love with ourselves and others than we have experienced to date.

150. Coming back to this beautiful blog makes me ponder on why I choose to be both intimate with myself and not. It’s so lovely to be intimate with myself, as if I’m caressing myself constantly energetically, yet I’m disconnecting from being intimate as well. There’s resistance to really feel what is the deeper reason. I can feel blame, hardness and also an identification with whatever I feel, whether that being the true me or any emotion. I’ve not taking responsibility to the level that I cut the emotions right away when they enter or try to enter. There’s still indulgence in emotions. Allthough lately I’ve become much more honest and see the identification. There’s a lack of trust underneath, as if I’m not safe enough. This also has created the feeling of ‘having to do it on my own’. A belief that I’ve tried to prove to myself pretty much all my life, yet I’m blown away with the support on offer. It is really me choosing, nobody and no one else.

151. There is a sense of deep preciousness when reading “ a touch that I could so easily give to myself . . .”. This is so simple and as many are discovering absolutely essential for living everyday with joy.

152. Intimacy is developed between two people when we let our guards down and open up to be vulnerable. First of all we must allow this with ourselves before it is possible to have this with another.

153. Being and reflecting love is our most natural way of being. It is therefore natural to be intimate and loving in all of our actions, whether that be with an intimate partner or in any activity. What then stands out is how far we have stepped away from this as a society. We see the extremes of this through domestic violence, for example. And then there is the less extreme, but equally damaging reflection we get when someone speaks harshly or with a tone that puts someone down. We all know what is and isn’t loving immediately.

154. I too am feeling the intimacy of being truly with myself more, being more tender and living in a way that allows my heart to be open. I thought I was open and loving before but it is obvious to me now that I spent much of my time being speedy and protected and not feeling my self or my body so I was unable to connect deeply.

     Now I often find that I feel “in love” with people who I speak with and in truth I know I have always been Inside a great one Love with them, I am just more aware of it now and its so beautiful.

     I enjoy the part in old movies where they refer to the ‘feeling’ between two people as “making love” when they may not have even held hands or kissed! When did we lose touch with this meaning of “making love”?

     How have we allowed ourselves to get so far away from the true meaning, feeling and lived loving ways that we can confuse sex with love making? How far away are we from a true understanding and a truly loving life that many of us have not even experienced the true depth of making love at all?

155. One opposite of protection is transparency – to let the other see all of you, including all your glory.

156. Bravo Ariana. I am just learning to be open and honest and not keeping things to myself. I figure that if I am as honest as I can be with others, they can take it or leave it, but at least I have expressed my truth, and as long as I keep on working with the intimate relationship with myself, others will begin to feel it and my relationships will deepen. ‘Intimacy feels like it breathes the air of truth…’ love it.

157. If that’s what making love truly is Nicole, I’m going to start dating myself right now! And why not, I have only just gained an understanding of what it is to have an intimate relationship with myself, and that means being honest, open, gentle and caring towards myself, and then and only then, can I pass this preciousness towards myself and cherish others in the same way.

158. Recently in a relationship I had with another there seemed to be a lack of connection and therefore intimacy. We had not seen each other for a certain period of time. I was very openly appreciative of seeing them after not seeing them for some time and while I had not seen them I appreciated the relationship we had already established. This person was not feeling the same and was shut off to me for whatever reason. So I allowed them some space, and while the space was not joined by them after a day or two I expressed honestly how I felt. Immediately everything changed. Intimacy was back. There was again an awkwardness of just how open you can be with any other. Its love and something I cherish in all and as Nicole says that comes from your openness with how you feel first.

     1. I have learnt that often anxiousness and reactions can come up in people and that if I openly express how I am feeling this breaks down the barriers and allows us to go deeper with not only our relationships with ourselves, but our relationship with each other. So I am totally with you on this one Rik, opening up to another with honesty without holding back, without the fear of being judged or ridiculed, opens up the flow of intimacy and is a way to deepen relationships and evolve. Of course, there is always a chance that someone can walk away from love and that is their choice, but at least you have given them the opportunity.

159. The more I drop my guard, appreciate myself, deepen my expression and nurture, the more I can allow another in and deepen in my expression of love.

160. It is the greatest gift to give to yourself to feel and continually explore the intimacy you hold within and just how tender and delicate you actually are. Offer your self the space to rediscover who you are for it is you – it is a moment to moment way to live not a single chosen moment.

161. I am discovering that intimacy is a forever deepening process, the more we allow ourselves to surrender to the depth of Love that we are and to allow our true expression.

162. “To feel the tenderness in another’s touch was only possible when I began to connect to and feel my own body” I agree, intimacy commences with self first by the simple ways we treat and connect with our bodies.

163. The concept of being intimate with myself was completely foreign, until I came across Universal Medicine and learned how being tender and loving with myself also reflected out to others around me. Discussing intimacy with others has shown me that so many believe – as I did – that you can only be intimate in a sexual relationship. This is so not true.

164. Nicole, this really makes sense, ‘I realised during these healings that I had to begin to be tender and gentle with myself, drop the guard and let people in, if I was to truly feel intimate with myself, let alone anyone else.’ It feels so true that if we are not intimate and loving with ourselves then we can not be this way with another, it all starts with our relationship with ourselves.

165. Such a beautiful blog and sharing Nicole building a relationship with love with ourselves first is reflected in every movement and way we are and this is shared with everyone. A brilliant reminder of the love we are and the real truth about making love being in the every moment.

166. ‘Have you ever stopped to consider if there is a difference between having sex and making love? That the way you live, the quality you choose to live in and from, govern whether you have sex or make love?’ – These two questions alone opens up for a discussion that we don’t hear in our society. Thanks Nicole, for starting the discussion.

167. Making love doesn’t have to be just between a couple, it can occur between any two people at any point in time. It is an energy that is felt when both people being love, beholding each other in this love and allowing the love to grow and expand between the two and then also to others. No sex required.

168. Nicole there are so many pictures of what Intimacy and Making Love are all about, from candles in the bedroom to romantic music yet what I’ve come to understand and what you share is that all of these are not actually what intimacy is really about, as without first building a deep and true connection with oneself how can we have intimacy with another.

     1. A deep and true connection with ourselves leads to us being very transparent to others. Once we see ourselves in great detail, it also becomes available to others.

169. I can see more and more the importance of loving and caring for myself as when I don’t the love is just not there for anyone else.

170. “…to be tender and gentle with myself, drop the guard and let people in…” This is such a focus of mine as I have felt and therefore absolutely know that my tenderness is a direct invitation to others.

171. This is a beautiful re-claiming of what the phrase ” making Love” really means. It begins with our inner relationship with our true delicacy and beauty, qualities that are not dependant on what we do or achieve. It then unfolds into our movements, thoughts and interaction and then is finally celebrated physically with our spouses or partners – not the other way round. Making Love manifest in this world is our inherent purpose.

172. How can we ask someone to fill something within us, when we have forgotten what it is in ourselves? It becomes a thirst that will never be quenched.

173. I used to yearn for the tender touch from my partner, and yet I wasn’t giving that same tenderness to myself. As I’ve deepened my relationship with myself, my touch and movements are so much more tender and delicate, and there is no yearning for that from another but a welcome and an openness when it does come.

174. Instead of wanting which comes from emptiness – I can choose to give (to myself) which comes from fullness. This explains how different I feel with either one or the other option.

175. We seem to think of intimacy as an act that you do, that maybe you could get skilled in, and learn the best positions or things to do. But from what I can see and what you share here Nicole, intimacy is not that but a space where you drop it all, the guards, the agendas, the beliefs and just be with simplicity. Writing this I can see how we can all live this way every moment not just in bed or with a partner we hug.

176. Nicole, you differentiate between sex and making love with clarity and simplicity from the Intimacy you have built within yourself. From this connection, your qualities of delicateness, tenderness and grace are apparent in your blog.
     “it’s about building a quality I choose to live, making choices to nourish and nurture myself, to feel what my body needs to eat, to wear, the time I need to go to bed and how and when I need to exercise”.

177. Developing intimacy with myself is something I am still working on and will be for the rest pf my life. I feel this is something that deepens as we understand just what it means and how it feels to experience this. A beautiful example Nicole in what you have shared with us!

178. To reclaim the world intimacy and separate it from its association with sex is profound. Re-defining what it means for us and how it is lived opens the most precious of doors and allows us to be truly gentle, loving and tender with ourselves.

179. The intimacy one can bring into our relationship with ourselves is profound. I never realised that before quite recently, too busy trying to make everyone else happy. Problem is that if there is no self love as a foundation, then what was I taking out into those other relationships except my need for recognition, acceptance etc? And it builds from the simplest things, like the way we brush our teeth or put ourselves to bed at night. Any movement is an opportunity.

180. Tenderness and intimacy with one’s self as you have said Nicole is something we all had once. We allowed the world to change us and what these two words meant, to the point that they bared no resemblance to what we started with. It is a long road back to one’s self but a journey that is always worth it.

181. Being honest, transparent and accepting myself as to where I am at is helping me to surrender and in return my relationships are changing also. I too Alexis, am getting closer to others and taking steps to open up and let them in.

182. Sometimes patterns and behaviours are so instilled within us that letting them go doesn’t happen overnight and sometimes it may take an event or incident to really wake us up. But if we choose to learn from what has happened and deepen the love for ourselves we see that the incident was a gift sent to us from God.

183. My observation is that often I am governed by the things I have to do and then I cannot feel any intimacy. This produces frustration because it is not the natural way of being. To allow intimacy is a medicine which creates harmony in the body.

184. “To feel the tenderness in another’s touch was only possible when I began to connect to and feel my own body” – very true Nicole, and ‘another’s touch’ i immediately note whenever i handshake for work… i always used to note when the handshake was crushing, squeezing or forceful and what that felt like [horrible] , or if the handshake is not-there, weak, wet or limp…though nowadays i also feel the tenderness and warmth in handshakes too, how the palms and fingertips feel, and also in contact with my own too…Amazing how the quality of life lived can be felt through the simple touch of a brief handshake.

185. A beautiful redefining of the phrase – Someone show the people behind Oxford English Dictionary!

186. “What I craved so desperately from others were all the things I never gave to myself. Not nurturing, cherishing, honouring, loving and adoring myself, but instead seeking, expecting and craving from another the love I denied for myself.” I too have come to realise that I have to be willing to connect to honouring and to developing this intimacy and love within myself, for nobody else can fulfil what I am not willing to give to myself.

187. Thanks Nicole. Developing intimacy with ourselves first, then allows us to be less affected by the world around us. I often find the thing that stops me doing more with my life is being influenced negatively by a bad experience, yet when we nurture ourselves and making loving gestures for ourselves it makes all the difference, as it is valuing what we offer and taking that commitment to ourselves into every relationship.

188. We have given up on so much that our heart truly craves for and have settled for the best we think we can get, and even start to champion it as our goal! This turns things it on its head. Reading about the difference between sex and making love, it is obvious that we have settled for a caricature version of the intimacy most of us truly crave. And to understand that it all starts with how we are with ourself and then extending it out to other people. That we are ourselves responsible for creating the intimacy we seek and perhaps have given up on. Wow!

189. I love this definition of what Love is Nicole – ‘not performing or pleasing another or myself’ – to be seeking this totally contradicts the beauty of what Love is. There is no need or want and we are left feeling our own vulnerability – as difficult as we may find this but just a realisation of what we have allowed in that, it is not the Love that we are designed to be.

190. If you had asked me about intimacy or building that with myself in the past, I probably would have thought very differently than today because I realise now that my understanding of words were quite far from the reality.
     I had this idea that intimacy had to be sexual and now see how wrong I was and how much I was missing in holding onto that belief.

191. Loving ourselves is the foundation of being able to truly love and to make love to another. For me this means that I’m having a (solid) foundation on which I am appreciatieve and accepting of myself, which means feeling at ease with myself. Being in love with me within my own body.

192. Everything outside of us (especially school and the media) tell us that we are not enough. Yet this is the same place that we look for love and acceptance. What you share Nicole is beautiful – the love that we crave is inside of us, and we are worth self-love and self-care.

193. “To feel the tenderness in another’s touch was only possible when I began to connect to and feel my own body” This really stands out for me Nicole. I agree that true intimacy and connection with another, can only be felt when we connect within ourselves first. Then what is there is there to be shared and can not be contained .

194. This blog is a droplet of gold. There is personally a lot to explore here .. I know after an esoteric session sometimes I am connected to my essence – I can feel it, however, I can also feel there is a protection ready for if I am attacked for this innate beauty I feel inside so innocent and pure if I can hold it. I usually cannot because I choose to indulge in the hurt. Honesty is my greatest support to myself to feel and know my feelings for what and who I am. It is all for the space I honestly allow myself to feel thus is the beauty of sensitivity.

195. I think it’s great how you say this Nicole – “Making love is more than what happens between the sheets: it’s a way of living, a touch, a gaze, and a gesture in every movement in me, and in another.” – And so it is something that is built throughout all expressions and not just ‘switched on’ in bed…

196. It’s funny how when we say “making love” we automatically go to thinking of sex and that level of intimacy in a relationship. But the making of love isn’t just and only to be seen in that way. Even when we say ‘love’ we have pictures of what that means and looks like. What if the way we use and see love needs to change or expand? What if we have driven love down a long and lonely road to make it look like it is just with one thing? We need to bring love back to the start, back to it’s origins and see what the true meaning of love it. As Nicole is saying love is much more than even an expression, you can live love and you can live that love in every moment with everything. Love is much grander than our current view and so to make love isn’t just with one person in a bedroom it’s much more.

197. ‘Making love is not just what happens between the sheets, nor or is it a quality that only occurs in one moment. Instead, it’s a quality that is lived in each and every moment of every day.’ It’s amazing to feel that the physical act of making love between two people is the culmination of choices and movements throughout the day made in the same quality.

198. “I had to begin to be tender and gentle with myself, drop the guard and let people in, if I was to truly feel intimate with myself, let alone anyone else.” This is a turn around in our understanding of what true intimacy is…that first it is with self before it is with another.

199. To know that ‘Making Love’ can be brought to my use of this keyboard as I type or the way I handle my cup of tea as I lift the cup to drink is another way of experiencing our true presence in all our movements – in all that we do. Making love vs having sex can be viewed as just another way of our interaction in the world. Are we truly present in our movements or doing many things at the same time without any consideration at all? Making love is the absolute expansion of being ‘IN’ the expression of ‘Divine Love’.

200. Thank you Nicole for sharing your wisdom and experience with us. Intimacy has been a word I have given names and ideals that were unreal.. such as being sex only, exclusive, only with your partner etc.. Since I came to the work of Universal Medicine I found my truth within and found out that this ‘image about intimacy that I held’ was not true.. And so I discover now within myself what it really is.

201. Reading this blog this morning after I had gone into reaction about something that just happened moments before was very exposing.

     Reading about tenderness, intimacy and delicacy when you are a bit annoyed, charged up and hardened by an event showed very clearly to me that going into reaction stop this feeling of intimacy and tenderness.

     It stops me being able to see the event clearly and read what is truly going on as I went into hurt/protection and hardened up. I can feel the reaction lessening and my body opening back up to gentleness and returning back to connection/intimacy with me.

     From here, I will be able to look to at the situation much more openly and with more understanding and possibly see my part in it as well 🙂

     Thank you – there are many benefits to making love with yourself!

202. Making love is making the day about being in it instead of just functioning.

203. For me, getting to know myself is a constant everyday check in, so the way I love myself needs to constantly change or I quickly fall behind my own 8 ball so to speak. For example, at the moment I can’t get up in the morning, I sleep through all my alarms I could easily blame day lights savings but if I was really taking care of myself, I would just adjust. So either my 9.00 bedtime is too late for me in daylights savings or the food or movements of the day are exhausting me. This kind of self responsibility is a great way to start loving yourself otherwise if you are already in a relationship you end up blaming your intimate partner for everything and believe you me, I have been there and its not love.

204. A gorgeous blog Nicole. It makes sense that we first need to be loving with ourselves before we can be loving with another.

205. Being intimate at home with ourselves and tender, changes how we are with others. I find I am unwilling to accept any form of lesser treatment, and by simply being myself, people respond to me with with tenderness and kindness.

206. ‘I am already complete from the day I have lived. Making love with another is simply an extension of that: a sharing of the love that I have already lived with myself.’ – Love this Nicole – love is not about what we can get from others, but what are we giving ourselves in our day to day living, the level of attention, care and appreciation of ourselves, that then sums up the way we feel about ourselves – which in turn determines whether we feel loved or not.

207. The deeper we go in our love and intimacy for ourselves, the less we seek it from others. Then when we do come together with another from feeling whole and complete within ourselves, then there is the foundation for true love, not built on need, but built on love which starts with self.

208. ‘To feel the tenderness in another’s touch was only possible when I began to connect to and feel my own body: how I was with myself, how I moved, spoke and lived moment to moment, feeling the tenderness in my own body, and then in and from another’s body.’ So true Nicole.

209. This is beautifully expressed Nicole how with making love you are allowed to just be. I always associated sex with performance, having to do something, please someone or myself, reach orgasm, making it a good experience, so you get a good score in the eyes of your partner and for yourself as well… I compared one sexual experience to another rating them to how good they were. Making love is a completely different approach bringing the same quality of love into the bed as we bring into anything else we do together.

210. To make love is to never put yourself in the way of being love with yourself and with all others.

211. I love how the definition of making love actually has nothing to do with sex. It’s refrshing and accessible for all from every walk in life.

212. There is a completely different experience to be shared with another, which you have described so beautifully here Nicole. Who would not want this deeper level of connection and intimacy, which starts by truly learning to love yourself and your body?

213. This is such an intimate blog Nicole. We are actually missing out on so much by limiting love making and intimacy to our performance in the bedroom. Life becomes all the more richer for love to be in every moment.

214. When we are open to letting love in, and letting our love out, it only needs a look to feel so completely loved.

215. Beautiful Nicole. We are love so it makes sense to nurture and hold precious the love that we are in all the little details of living, so that when we come together with our partner in that very practical practiced love of ourselves we cannot settle for anything less than this standard of love and tenderness and in this together we can go even deeper and this is called making love as it expands and expresses all the love that we are together.

216. We are the only ones who can love us in the way we want to be loved, and yet we spend decades – if not lifetimes – seeking and or demanding ‘love’ from outside of ourselves.

217. “Making love with another is simply an extension of that: a sharing of the love that I have already lived with myself.” So true Nicole… we can only share what we have experienced and know ourselves to be.

218. How exposing is this statement: “…the protection I had built up to shield myself from the hurts was actually creating hurts: the hurt I felt of not being able to truly connect to another.” Our so-called guard or protection is such an illusion.

219. Building love and intimacy is a deep surrender to all that we are and it is a quality we can move in everyday. Absolutely Nicole, and how amazing is our life when we move through it in this way?

220. Thank you Nicole. This helps me to see that the way I am between the sheets is actually a reflection of how I am in my life. If I find myself manipulating or trying to please another, feeling a lack of self worth or a fear of expressing myself in one area of my life it is safe to say these things will be playing out in every part of my life.

221. I have recently noticed how carrying a protection around became my ‘normal’, it was always there and I didn’t connect to the fact it was there or how it was affecting me. Once I recognised it and let it go, the difference felt like I’d lost a stone in weight, I feel so much lighter. This protection was stopping the intimacy of truly letting me out and others in.

222. Nicole, I love this blog, what you are sharing really feels gorgeous, that we are already complete, that we do not need to prove anything, we were already everything from the day we were born. I can feel reading this blog how I still had not quite realised this, there is so much in society that tells us to learn, to better ourselves, to go on spiritual journeys, always looking outside of ourselves to gain something rather than to simply connect with ourselves, to the amazingness we already are.

223. ‘I could feel the protection I had built up over the years to avoid getting hurt no longer allowed me to feel the depth of tenderness in myself, nor in another. Busy keeping everyone at a distance, I became more aware that I was missing the intimacy and connection I so desperately longed for from another, within myself’. Nicole I love how you capture exactly my own experience, and I can feel how I still hang onto some protection, not fully trusting people, (but actually I have to trust myself) something for me to continually observe and be aware of.

224. The essence of making love is known to us all but it is clear that in caring for ourselves and in what we allow in our relationships with others, this very much overrides this knowing. Society through the media, TV & publishing, relationships within the family we grew up in and in the relationships we observe around us continually draw us out and away from what is true and Humanity are basically settling for less. Serge Benhayon has presented on the love we are and also modeled in his own life a livingness that is possible and connected to what is a truth within us – something we all know and are. Thank you Nicole for the great reflection and beautiful expansion on the essence of what ‘Making Love’ truly is.

225. I love what you have shared here Adele – this is so true that when we are disconnected from ourselves, it feels like the world is cold and uncaring, whilst when we connect with ourselves then we also get to feel the warmth that is undeniably there too in the world. In our disconnection we often seek the connection from the outside, erroneously so, but the true warmth must first come from within. Seek not with an empty cup, be with a full cup and bring that to share with another.

226. “Making love is not just what happens between the sheets, nor or is it a quality that only occurs in one moment. Instead, it’s a quality that is lived in each and every moment of every day.” – This is spot on Nicole! Thank you for a wonderful reminder of what really gets the “juices flowing” (how tender we are through the day with ourselves).

227. Nicole your blog has reminded me that there is always more love to be felt from myself and my own care, and that it’s right there inside me for me to express and live in deeper ways everyday. It’s been automatic for me to bring it out in expression around others, yet I can make new steps to express and experience it just for myself.

228. I agree that it is impossible to love and cherish another person if we do not love and cherish ourselves.

229. When we are not tender and loving with ourselves we look outside of us for these qualities from another. When we build the love and tenderness with ourselves we naturally feel more love and tenderness towards and need for another to fill this whole is no longer there.

230. Intimacy is something which is not commonly understood in the way shared in this blog. Opening up to the true breadth and depth of intimacy and how it is something much more than just sex is wonderful expansion of our awareness in my experience – and well worth exploring.

231. Lovely sharing Nicole, thank you. When we build up walls of protection perhaps we need to look at how we are imprisoning ourselves and what is within our prison with us. If we seek to protect ourselves from being hurt, do we do so because we are hurt and hence end up protecting our hurts rather than healing them?

232. “I could feel the protection I had built up over the years to avoid getting hurt no longer allowed me to feel the depth of tenderness in myself, nor in another.” It’s beautiful to awaken to the magic of this tenderness, to feel once again that its safe to walk this divine tender quality and indeed observe the power of its grace.

233. Lack of tenderness and love in ones own life will understandably lead to wanting these qualities from another. How empowering is it then to love oneself enough to not need to look to anyone else. I’m still working on this, but can feel the potential of a different and amazing relationship with myself that is void of need.

234. I love reading the comments here because it confirms that we do all know the truth and that there is a way to live without the protection we see all around us. It is indeed our responsibility to live in deep unprotected love with ourselves so that others can see there is a way to be with yourself that is amazing.

235. When we do everything like making love… what kind of reflection are we showing the world?

236. “Making love is more than what happens between the sheets: it’s a way of living, a touch, a gaze, and a gesture in every movement in me, and in another.” How beautiful to acknowledge and appreciate that it is absolutely possible to make love with another, without getting naked and physical. It is as you say so much more than the physical act of sex, but a deep and true connection between two people that is confirmed in the tenderness and appreciation of each other through simple gestures and a loving gaze.

237. Thank you Nicole, a great expose. I can often be hard and harsh with myself, then need others. This doesn’t work, it also deeply hurts, why would we ever want to leave a place that’s so still and warm (ourselves). I am learning it also gives ourselves and others space and you actually feel much more deeply connected to yourself and people. And able to observe life.

238. Nicole after reading your blog I got the real sense again to deepen my intimacy with myself and how I am in all I do etc. Taking a simple exercise like driving and feeling how very different that can be when I am connected, loving and honouring of myself vs when I am simple going from A to B.

     1. Beautifully said MA. Our relationships are as deep and lovely as we make them as they are all based on the relationship we have with ourselves and life.

239. It is so important to love ourselves first and foremost, because any love we crave from another is simply us being needy. What we truly need is our own innermost connection and from that deep point we are then connected intimately with everyone else.

240. I love what you have shared here, Nicole, that making love “is a sharing of the love that I have already lived with myself”. It is a joy to share with another the beautiful quality we have chosen in our day – it’s like a little celebration each time. This is much more truly loving and honouring than having demands and expectations for another to meet our needs.

241. “… the protection I had built up to shield myself from the hurts was actually creating hurts: the hurt I felt of not being able to truly connect to another.” And therein lies our biggest trap, the decision to build a shield to protect our selves from hurt only to realise that we have just incarcerated our selves in a self made prison. True protection lies in opening up, connecting to each other, allowing our vulnerability to be seen, respected and hence fully appreciate our honesty and beautiful fragility. It is what we are all craving to do because it is our innate purpose in life, to materialise Love via our every thought, action, movement and expression, to make Love a constant activity in our daily lives, to be physically celebrated with our gorgeous partners but energetically shared with all equally in our daily lives.

242. Identifying that there is so much more and different from ‘sex’ is so important. Realising and expressing love in the way that you share, Nicole, changes ones whole way of living, being and relating to others.

243. Yes, deeply caring for and expressing oneself in truth and openness is the best ‘protection’.

244. This is a beautiful sharing Nicole, and it reveals to me that intimacy and sex are two different lifestyles. When I am hard on myself and as such rejecting myself, busy pleasing others and functioning in the world I am more in the sexmodus, needing sex as relief, approval of being loved etc but when I allow myself the tenderness, fragility, vulnerability and listen to my body during my days I already make love with myself and as a consequence I am intimate with my partner as well.

245. It is crazy how the term “making love’ is often only thought about as getting it on when actually as you say Nicole it is whole lot more, making love should be in our every move – why box ‘making love’ to just a sexual act when in fact it it so much more.

246. “What I had craved so desperately from others were all things I never gave to myself” – this really stood out for me, as I can feel how it hurts to hold ourselves back, yet we think that we can give it to another as and when needed – this just doesn’t add up.

247. This blogs gives a complete re-definition of what ‘making love’ is, or actually is bringing back to us the real meaning of these words as we have bastardised it in such a way that it is completely the opposite to what it truly is and always has been. Making love is not to get something out of emptiness, but a sharing and celebration of that fullness and beauty within.

248. Love is a way of life, if we keep love for only certain times than what are we living the rest of the time?

249. Developing an intimate relationship with ourselves is what support us to develop an intimate relationship with others. It doesn’t seem to work if we leave ourselves out of the equation because the journey to true intimacy begins from us first, our relationship with ourselves expanding out.

250. It takes the pressure off needing to be something, to make an impression or be impressed when we simply allow ourselves out – appreciating and honouring the depth of Love that we each are.

251. Nicole you change the whole notion so many of us have or hold about ‘intimacy’ i.e. it being typically assigned to the sexual kind, so much so that saying the word itself can feel awkward because of this. You make intimacy or being intimate transparent, real and importantly natural … and irrespective of who you’re with in regards relationship. Intimacy is a quality that’s in a person and what they bring by way of their living their life with openness, and not something that’s only created between two people [in relationship].

252. ‘I could feel the protection I had built up over the years to avoid getting hurt no longer allowed me to feel the depth of tenderness in myself, nor in another.’ This is key Nicole in that being prepared to visit and explore the fact that it is our hurts and protection that keep us from making love, being love and offering love, is the only way out of the protective prison we have built and justified for ourselves!

253. A great blog Nicole to bring up the differences between sex and making love. The quality of intimacy and love we have first towards ourselves is what we would naturally bring to another, which then becomes a confirmation and celebration of love between two people.

254. This is deeply beautiful Nicole. It is so true and makes absolute sense that the quality of the relationship we hold with ourselves is what we live, and it this quality that we bring to and share with another. When we develop a loving relationship with ourselves, our Soul, we are moved by love through every moment, including our physical connection with another through making love, which is then a Soulful confirmation of the love we are and choose to live, together. So in effect we can make love in every moment if we choose to. This certainly raises the question of what relationship it is that we have with life; is it one of having sex or making love?

255. True intimacy and tenderness begin with self first and have nothing to do with sex, I couldn’t agree more. Should there then be an extension of that with another/others, it again has nothing to do with sex. Especially when it comes to the word ‘intimacy’, it must suit us to misinterpret it rather than feeling into what it truly means.

256. Trust is such a big issue for many of us, and yet we give our bodies away without really considering how we feel, or what has passed with that person, when we decide to have sex with someone. Some could have had an argument all day and yet still choose to have sex…I do not judge anyone, I have not always made the most caring decisions myself. I am however learning that it is vital to love, care and respect myself first, it is also critical to be aware of what we feel in terms of energy, rather than numbing or attempting to ignore it. Making Love continues as a way of being, sex is a physical preoccupation.

257. Thank you Nicole this is something we were talking about this evening and you have expressed this so well. with a lot of space for deeper understanding.

258. Powerful Nicole : Making love with another is simply an extension of that: a sharing of the love that I have already lived with myself.
     This makes absolutely sense! To everything in life.. How can we love one another if we have no connection with our-self? Interesting really, but absolute worth to ponder on.. Thank you Nicole for sharing.

259. Thanks Nicole, love what you’ve shared here about intimacy, tenderness and making love and how essential our relationship with ourself is to how we then relate with others..

260. “What I had craved so desperately from others were all things I never gave to myself: not nurturing, cherishing, honouring, loving and adoring myself, but instead seeking, expecting and craving from another the love I denied for myself.”….. this is a gold line amongst many in your latest offering to us all Nicole. And for me this explains so much about why we seek and crave relationships from others because we are looking for the love that we are actually denying from ourselves. It is a great foundation to start from when you learn to bring it to yourself and then choose to share it with another.

261. Thank you for a beautifully written blog on a very important topic. I believe most of us can relate to this “What I had craved so desperately from others were all things I never gave to myself: not nurturing, cherishing, honouring, loving and adoring myself, but instead seeking, expecting and craving from another the love I denied for myself.”

262. It is wonderful that someone is making some sense about the concept of making love. It is such a charged subject and no one wants to really talk about it.
     With support from Simple-Living Global and Universal Medicine I am melting the walls that I have put up to so call protect myself. This has allowed me to have a more real relationship with myself which is what I have been missing all along. Now I have a better chance of having a real relationship with another person.

263. How can we share that which we are not in relationship with ourselves, the tenderness, the intimacy the delicateness and the love…or truly be open to receiving that love from another. The quality of relationship we have with us is our first true relationship.

     1. The quality of relationship we have with us is our first true relationship. Yes it is Victoria and I can feel how much I have missed being true to myself, always afraid others will find me too much if I bring all that I am. Time to let this old belief go.

264. Building love and intimacy is a deep surrender to all that we are and it is a quality we can move in everyday. Simply gorgeous thank you Nicole.

265. An intimate sharing Nicole. Reading through the comments I see so many relate to what you say about the love and all the things you never gave to yourself, was what you had craved so desperately from others.This is so true. Being intimate and loving (not in a sexual way)in the way we live moment to moment with ourselves completely changes the way we relate to others; there is not the need or expectation that another fill what we have not connected to within ourselves.

266. Making love with another is simply an extension of that: a sharing of the love that I have already lived with myself. When you are coming from your own self love base, there is absolutely no neediness from another because you feel complete within yourself and just enjoy sharing that with your partner. You can feel within your words Nicole, that neither of you would want to dishonour the other from that divine space by just having sex.

267. I love how you have explained this Nicole, and the more we love ourself, the more we can then share and celebrate that love with another.

268. If our cup is not full we are only asking another to fill it.

269. “I am already complete from the day I have lived.” When we live our life to the full by being with ourselves we have a sense of fulfilment, not from getting a job done but from being fully engaged with our whole being with what we are doing.

270. “What I had craved so desperately from others were all things I never gave to myself”. This was also what I did, Nicole. I used to be very needy, longing for intimacy and love but not realizing that I first needed to develop a loving and intimate relationship with myself. I also loved to support people to nurture themselves but I realise now that it was a substitute for the nurturing that I didn’t give myself and I saw the need for it reflected to me from others. What I was able to give them would then not have been as deeply nurturing as it is when I am deeply caring for myself.

271. When I am connected to my body I know how I need to move to remain in my delicateness, when I am disconnected I become loud and rough.

272. Hello Nicole and so very true, “What I had craved so desperately from others were all things I never gave to myself:” We so often push the world to give us something that in turn we are truly suppose to give ourselves first. We build the world in this way constantly having the view gazed outside in the hope of finding what we are looking for. More and more we are seeing that in fact everything is already here with us we have just walked away, the quality we live has supported that walk away. As you are saying about making love the key is not looking at the point but more look at the walk there, the way you lived to that point. Again the world is geared to only look at the point and then try and make it better. Yet here we have simple physics, that everything you are, in other words everything you live will be with you always at any point. So the true place to look for answers to questions at any point would be looking at how you have been until that point. If the world is called our stage then don’t keep stepping off it and then back on it and wondering why things aren’t working. Stay on stage and then the performance is assured. In other words stay with your body and how you are feeling and build trust in that. Then when you arrive at any point you will not be surprised or put off because you will already have everything, it is all with you, you have you.

273. This is a wonderful confirmation that when we feel like ‘us’ then we know the choices we make are true for us. When we have a feel of this the next choice is built on what supports us so our constant re-connecting with the essence of tenderness, gentleness and loveliness we innately are becomes our every day feeling. Then if something is jarring it becomes very obvious and saying no to this becomes simpler and clearer.

274. To come to a place where we know who we truly are, where the relationship with ourselves is one of deep intimacy, is a place from where we are then able to build a deep and intimate relationships with others. The days of endlessly seeking this intimacy outside of ourselves are replaced with days that are naturally filled with growing true and intimate connections with all those around us.

275. This blog is a beautiful sharing Nicole on making love. It is interesting that so many people crave and seek intimacy between the sheets. There may be a few moments of pleasure and perhaps perceived intimacy, but we are so often at the end of the tumble left feeling empty; that emptiness was already inside of us yet comes to the surface after the high of having sex. On the contrary, making love confirms the love that we are. It makes us no more, no less, but an expression with another of what we have already developed for ourselves.

276. Hi Nicole – I really related to this sharing; ‘What I had craved so desperately from others were all things I never gave to myself: not nurturing, cherishing, honouring, loving and adoring myself, but instead seeking, expecting and craving from another the love I denied for myself.’ – I can say that in the past I used to be very giving to others; make them feel comfortable, adore and cherish them etc – and expect this in return – but the truth was I had never been this way with myself. It is a massive hole to fill if you try and get this from other people. And with that understanding I can now support myself in a way where I am enough and I take care of me so I do not put those expectations on another.

277. Reading the blog made me choose to deepen the connection with myself, drop my guard (a little more) and feel the preciousness and tenderness of what’s been written here as an inspiration for us all. There’s such grace, wisdom, honour and power in these words. Written from a knowing that life will forever reveal more and offer us evolution. Always from the foundation that we are love. And that nurturing and caring for ouselves is in fact the most natural thing to do. It is in fact a joy to do so. I’ve learnt for myself that it takes time to learn to listen to myself and to be willing to listen to myself, to my innervoice that is communicating clearly, yet never loudly. It isn’t imposing in any way, just there, offering me the choice to connect to it or not. The ultimate free will, the ultimate unconditional love.

278. For me making love is all about connection – as long as I am connected to my partner we are living in love and there is nothing more sexy than a man doing the washing up.

     1. ps: my husband does the washing up every evening and yes he is very sexy 😉

279. Everything stems from our inner relationship – how can I love another, be it in a relationship intimately, or a friendship, family etc, if I do not first love myself. And I am also learning that the way I have always approached relationships, making them individual and separate, doesn’t work either – it is by having loving relationships with many, and an openness to all that I can then bring that to each individual friendship, relationship etc.

280. What a beautiful blog, Nicole. It lays down a new foundation for what making love can truly be.

281. I have experienced both (having sex and making love) and the difference is incredible. Settling for sex is one of the greatest injustices we do ourselves.

282. And I love the claiming back of the word intimacy… away from the sexual connotations to the quiet, respectful, open tenderness we share with ourselves and others.

283. I love the point you have made that making love is all the tender gestures and interactions in a day. The physical act of making love is then simply a confirmation of all of these.

284. ‘Making love with another is simply an extension of that: a sharing of the love that I have already lived with myself.’ Beautifully expressed Nicole. How can we possibly be making love to another if we don’t live in that quality for ourselves first – it simply won’t be configured in our bodies to share?

285. Beautiful, Nicole. This is my experience too and I am still unfolding myself. We can never start with loving another first as many of us have done in the past. I love the intimacy I have with myself and this is now so beautifully alive with my partner and family.

286. ‘Making love allows me to be me. I do not have to hold anything back, there is no fear of judgment, not performing or pleasing another or myself, I am already complete from the day I have lived.’ It is all about living our innate quality of divine love, how tender we are. Your blog is written in this quality, beautiful to feel Nicole and thank you for making the difference between making love and true intimacy versus having sex so clear.

287. I have come to understand that making love involves a level of intimacy that I had otherwise dismissed or ignored. For example learning to reconnect with my body one part at time. For example beginning to understand what exercises truly support my legs what is the best way to loofa them in the shower, what soap should I use, how and when to moisturise them, taking note when I walk, lift and sit,and stand. Understanding and appreciating how they support the whole of my body and how they carry me from activity to activity throughout the day. Paying attention to these details for every part of my body is a part of getting to know myself intimately.

288. “Making love is not just what happens between the sheets, nor is it a quality that only occurs in one moment” – when this was first presented to me, it made immediate sense but the fusion of sex and love has been so strong in my upbringing, it was a long time coming in application.

289. ‘When I make choices that are truly caring, loving and supportive of my body, I can feel my tenderness and delicateness again. I begin to feel like me, then I know that the choices I am making are true, and it is the only way to live.’ For so long I could not feel which choices were true and which were not as I had lost who I was somewhere along the way but the more I connect to the stillness and delicateness that is me, the more I can trust the choices I make, as the ones which are not true become more and more apparent.

290. Great sharing Nicole Serafin on how far you have allowed yourself to go in committing to the utmost care and respect of your body. It is so interesting to read how we are often sold that need to feel this level of intimacy from another that often leaves us searching for what is out there rather than stopping to feel that it all begins with the slightest changes to our every day living.

291. Loving ourselves first is something we are not brought up to do, and we can easily abuse our bodies by the way we work and by the food and drink we ingest. Another form of abuse we can indulge in is late nights – going to bed after our bodies have signalled they are ready for sleep, needing regeneration so that can be up early and alert, ready to be with us in another full day. The more intimate we become with our bodies, i.e. the more we allow ourselves to feel those subtle signals, the more easily we can take care of them.

292. This is one of the great gifts I have also become aware of since attending Serge Benhayon’s presentations –
     “I started to feel for myself an intimacy I already held within – but had never before felt or explored”.

293. A super-gorgeous and inspiring blog Nicole. A joy to read about the development of true intimacy with yourself.

294. This is something we need to learn young- to love ourselves deeply and not to enter into relationships seeking to be loved but to first love yourself and bring that quality to the relationship.

295. So true Nicole… the difference between making love and sex is vast and it wasn’t until I knew what love truly was, that I had any real sense of this. Prior to that I thought if my partner ‘loved me’ then we would be making love and sex was something that happened between relative strangers. Your blog exposes this for the falsity it is… thank you.

296. How could we possible reduce making love to the physical act? As expressed by many on this thread there is so much more.

297. A beautiful sharing, thankyou Nicole. How can we ‘make love’ with another if we are not first truly loving ourselves?

298. Nicole, what you share her defines clearly the saying ‘you cannot love another unless you love your self first’.

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