966 thoughts on “Being an Observer”

1. The other thing that can get in the way of a solid relationship is ‘expectations’ – when we have certain expectations placed upon another, then this can cloud the true relationship. I have been exploring all the expectations that I have on myself and other and can feel how imposing this is on myself and others. Expectations to behave in a particular way, ecpectations to do certain things or to say certain things etc. It does not leave space for anyone to just be.

2. Observations change nothing about a situation, but they change everything in terms of how we are in the situation and how we respond. It is very powerful to do this, though not always easy.

3. Observation is super powerful, but the reality is that in certain situations where we have investments it can be very difficult to do this. I too have had a recent situation with me son where I have come to realise that I have been judging him for certain choices and behaviours. As a result of feeling this judgement, he has withdrawn from me and hence we have created a barrier to communication. But as I have learned to look at this and drop the judgement, then I have learned to allow him more space and then express how I am feeling without pushing judgement on him – this has allowed more honesty in our relationship and we can feel where we are truly at.

4. Developing the art of truly listening to each other brings deeper connection and understanding.

5. We are in a very odd place in the world when we all relate to each other via pictures, expectations and investments in how we want others to act and be – it’s something to deeply question as to why we are like this. We are not born as babies relating to others by pictures, instead we are deeply aware and sensitive to everything and everyone around us and connected to our essence which we share with joy. To me it seems that the systems we have in place, including the education system, develop human beings away from how we are born, into something else which is quite painful and confusing at times, and is in disconnection to self and others.

   1. Just observing the world, no pictures, is the way forth, ‘When we are willing to observe, we are willing to develop a relationship with the world that has no judgement in it.’ How beautiful.

6. Relearning to respond in life delivers the ability to be the observer, or being able to be in observation allows us the ability to respond, and both give us the space to feel what is required in a situation.

   1. Observing, and responding to life allows more understanding, ‘To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.’

7. We live in a way that we are in constant reaction to life and this does place a huge stress on our nervous system. So is it possible this is why we rely so much on coffee as a drug that keeps us stimulated because if we stopped to feel the exhaustion we would all be in bed for days. There can be no deeper understanding of life when we are in constant reaction.

8. Taking a step back from our reactions and expressing what we feel/felt is super supportive of us moving past the situation. If we don’t and speak from reaction we stay in the hurtful experience.

9. It was a great point about staying with your feelings and going deeper into them, instead of reacting or avoiding feeling them. Reactions often assume a picture or outcome that brings on even more emotion. “It was by being present and being honest about my hurts that I found I could return to being observant by choice.”

   1. The honesty of the body that calls us back to the present – which is a real gift in the path of healing.

10. Being willing to understand is so vital in relationships. Also, if we are not meeting and valuing the essence of the person and ourselves we are more likely to view others as something to fit into a picture and make demands on their behaviour. In simple terms, without being the love we are and honouring others as that same love, regardless of whether they are living that love or not, it is likely that we will be imposing.

    1. Bringing understanding to relationships is vital, ‘ It dissolved the picture of how we have to be and freed the both of us to simply be ourselves and, with each choice we make, to continue to trust more deeply who we are.’

11. When in the company of another, it pays to sit, listen and observe. What do we do when views are expressed different to our own? Can we accept what is real for that person, yet offer another view or ask questions to deepen understanding? Sometimes the only true support is to listen and allow another to express openly their feelings with minimal interference from us.

    1. Well said Kehinde, and hence why it is often easier to express to someone else about our feelings rather than a close family member or friend with whom we might have investments and hence are not able to have that space of observation with.

12. When someone reacts to something we’ve said or done, we’re offered an opportunity to understand the purpose of the communication for self and other. It is not for us to not reply in the same quality of energy received, but respond in a way that is not personal but infused with the wisdom and love of the Soul. This requires self awareness and ability to be the observer.

13. The observer offers space to another. If we’re not observing, we’ve entered ‘their’ space with judgement, reaction or hurt and no longer able to see them cleanly and fully or offer support. Wherever we are, be aware of what we’re modelling to others.

    1. Offering space to another is a loving way of being, ‘In this process there is an absence of a picture or an expectation of what this development looks like, especially in regards to having a time frame.’

14. When we are in reaction we never get to the heart of the matter.

15. This is an amazing blog. I’ve been reacting a fair bit this last week and uncovered the hurts that have been there to let go of. Observation at any juncture along the way has felt super loving and supportive – even in the midst of a reaction I’ve taken space to actually feel what’s going on and appreciated the old hurts I’d been harbouring and trying to explain away through intellectual understanding. Observation is physical experience of love.

    1. Unfortunately a lot of the world still behave in this unloving way, ‘An observation I have gathered from my relationship with the city I grew up in is that communicating from reactions – for example, speaking with sarcasm, frustration, outrage and with a sense of withdrawal – is an ingrained and normalised way of being.’

16. Taking out the judgement in our relationships leaves space for a more honest conversation to come through. Thank you for sharing Anonymous.

    1. It certainly does Julie; when we do not feel judged, it allows us to start to be true to ourselves.

17. If we were all able to be the observer, as you were in this situation, I am sure that there would be so much less tension, frustration, anger, etc in this world. But sadly, we are not raised to be so and instead we tend to react before we even understand the situation that has presented itself, and that reaction once fueled by emotions can have some pretty serious outcomes. Being the observer adds a whole new dimension to life and how we live it.

    1. Staying in observation mode has many advantages, ‘as I was already in observation mode from the restaurant, I was still able to simply observe and no feelings of hurt arose as a result of the tone of his voice.’

18. I realised when writing my previous comment that what you have written here is very true
    “…It dissolved the picture of how we have to be and freed the both of us to simply be ourselves and, with each choice we make, to continue to trust more deeply who we are.”
    We live in a soup of energy and there are as we know only two energies to choose from. One energy I feel doesn’t want anyone to feel safe enough to trust ourselves or each other and so this keeps us all in perpetual discomfort, unease and nervous tension. And the other energy that supports us to trust ourselves and this opens us up to building relationships with ourselves and each other on a much deeper level. I know which energy I would prefer to live in and with.

19. I feel from personal experience that the more we can surrender to trusting ourselves more deeply the more we are able to let go of the picture, ideals, and belief systems we hang onto. I feel that there is a deep lack of trust in the world of ourselves and other people which is why I feel there is so much unrest and nervous tension, so my question would have to be why do we continue to live in a way that produces so much nervous tension in our lives?

20. It is a significant point that you son’s “previous reactions of frustration and anger would have seemed quite normal to him as they were very often mirrored in the world around him, to the likely detriment of us all” – this is the reflection of ‘normal’ we tend to get throughout society, so it is a precious gift we give one another when we choose to step out of that way of reacting and instead observe, understand and appreciate each other.

21. I remember when I was school age often finding holidays long and saying “I’m bored.” Children nowadays have their screens of course. But the result is the same – not wanting to feel the stillness that lies within. I still catch myself wanting to keep busy, rather than feel that, which is exquisitely beautiful. Observing this brings me back to me, as long as I don’t give myself – or others – a hard time.

22. “To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.” So true Anon. When we observe ( which of course means without judgement) things can also change without us saying anything.

23. Love this fantastic reminder we can always choose how we communicate either with love and understanding or without it. When we express without it we can not then wonder why we got the reaction we got.

    1. And when we observe and express with love and understanding the outcome can be very different, ‘This was probably the first communication between us that, even though we were touching on a topic that felt hurtful, we chose to express without reaction. Immediately with our choice to communicate in this way, our connection deepened even more. I was let into my son’s world more deeply, a side he has never verbalised or shared with me, and immediately my understanding of him deepened ‘

24. The power of observation is immense. It offers us the clearest snapshot of what is unfolding in front of us, allowing us to take in every detail and every nuance, and in doing so, offers us an opportunity to deepen our understanding about our fellow man and life.

    1. Observation keeps a distance, and so we do not get involved, and drawn in, and are more able to respond to the situation.

25. I spent over an hour just observing people at an public event and it was for me a great lesson in just allowing myself to feel without reaction or judgement my surroundings.
    I felt that we want to be distracted by anything food, drink, conversation, music, activity it was as though people allowed themselves a release of pressure and stress from life in much the same way that someone deliberately cuts themselves to release a tension they feel in their body for just a faction of time it is a relief until the tension builds again and then they cut themselves again. We fill our lives with momentary relief rather than asking the question why are we all seeking a relief from life?

26. I have noticed since the November presentation and workshops of Serge Benhayon how I am much more able to observe and in the observation is the understanding that life doesn’t have to fit a picture or an ideal that I have set up in my mind. This is very freeing actually to just allow and let be.

    1. It’s those pictures we carry with us which stop us from seeing what is actually in front of us – it is if we are looking at the world through very dirty glasses. So, it follows that when we can dismantle those illusionary pictures we are then free to see what, in truth, we are being shown.

27. I have been noticing how easily I go into frustration and judgement with a member of my family. Every time I get triggered my reactions are pretty yuk. I have found when I simply observe the behaviour and be open to embrace a deeper understanding, then there is no reaction and the response is very beautiful from both of us.

28. Such a great sharing offered here… when we are honest about our hurts and begin to heal them this opens up the space for deeper relationships with everyone.

29. I can relate to both ways of being with your son. I’ve been doing something similar with my sons. When I react there is very little openness and honesty but when I’m not invested in them doing something or not, then they open up so easily. Observing allows everyone to have space to come to what is right for them in their own time.

30. To start to pay attention to one’s own body and what we’re feeling, is to start to notice the extent to which we react.

    1. So true Bryony, sometimes I feel I am already in reaction and my body feels tensed before I even interact with people. If I ignore these feelings and get on with my day, my relationship with people tend to be awful but if I take responsibility, listen to my body and clear the tension then I am more able to be myself around others.

31. We can all learn from what you have shared with us here, as parents and as community members.

32. How to truly observe and not react is a huge lesson in it self and there are so many of these life lessons that we don’t get taught when we are young and I wonder why it is that we put more emphasis on learning our times table than learning how to interact with one another with decency and respect.

33. Learning to not react is an essential key to living a true and joyful life. When we react we merge with whatever we are reacting to which then allows no space to feel what is going on and how we may be able to deal with it.

    1. “When we react we merge with whatever we are reacting to ” Insightful Elizabeth. Trapped on the same sticky tape, becoming the very ‘thing’ that upset or angered us, dis-empowers us from responding with love and detachment.

34. So take any situation in life, we have one or two ways to go – we can get caught up in it, want to change it and get super frustrated that it is not the way we want it to be – or it is perfect and spot on – but how often do we give ourselves the space to observe it and get the understanding of why every situation so-called “good or bad” is occurring, the more we do that, the greater I’ve come to enjoy life as it starts to make sense. Without true observation, life makes little sense.

35. Being an observer. A lesson for us all. I could feel that by you observing just how much this changed the situation and deepened the communication and intimacy with you and your son.

36. The power of observation is hugely underestimated by most people because most don’t know that it has the ability to set us free from the chains that bind us from all sorts of beliefs and ideals that we might carry.

37. When I observe my feelings, which is to feel them rather than following a mental commentary. Feelings of hurt tend to be more openly expressed as they are allowed to clear. This also lets others separate who they are from their hurts, which are not one and the same.

38. The wealth that is offered to us all when we choose to be the observer in life brings in lessons for us to learn about ourselves and how we live and contribute to the world – allowing observation without perfection.

39. We have so many ideals and beliefs around what happens when we feel hurt. Today I noticed in myself a feeling of ‘never being able to get over it’ and ‘my whole day will be governed by this’. Yet as you share by observing and feeling what I am feeling in my body this does not need to be my reality.

40. When we react to something it can set up a chain of other reactions, like a domino effect, so staying steady, as you did,allows for us to stay present with what is really going on and not get swept away by our thoughts or emotions.

41. ‘It was by being present and being honest about my hurts that I found I could return to being observant by choice.’ I’m realising running away from feelings whatever it is I’m feeling in whatever moment allows me the grace of observation.

42. It is revealing to observe where and when we react to something and how key this is to understanding where we still hold attachments or expectations that people or the world need be different.

43. From observing life without reaction we are not the ‘victim’ of it’s outplay.

44. ‘Inspired by the body’s wisdom to continuously feel and express deeper in commitment to observing, understanding and not absorbing life.’ Yes this completely changes the quality of our experiences.

45. To observe and not absorb life has been one of the most powerful lessons of my lifetime and a key to arresting anxious, stress-full and reactive responses to certain situations. This has led to a far greater settlement in my body that has not only allowed me to experience more confidence, joy and love but also to realise that reaction is an addiction I can indulge in that affords me an excuse to hold back my love, care and genuine understanding of others.

46. If we project our own needs or issues onto someone else then asking a question like, “how are you” or “what’s going on” comes loaded and can cause the other person to shut down massively. If we are wanting to provide support for another person then we have a responsibility to not project onto them and being open to genuinely understand what they are feeling.

    1. Yes Susie, this is very true. There is no reason truly for being anything other than the observer. There is no greater gift we can give another.

    2. And if there is protecting our own then there’s more focus on that rather than observing. We are useless to ourselves let alone others.

47. A great reminder of how communicating without reaction or judgment opens up space for honesty and through that honesty we get to know what is truly going on, which in turn builds relationships to a deeper level where honesty becomes the norm.

48. There is such an immense freedom in observation whereas reaction is a prison of our own making.

    1. I totally agree Nicola, and it is from this prison that we often blame everyone else for our misfortune, instead of taking a deeply honest look at our part in whatever transpired and accepted our responsibility. Often not easy to do, but very liberating if we choose to.

49. Allowing our children to take responsibility for what feels true to them is a great learning for parents.

    1. Great learning for parents and children.

50. When we choose to not take things personally, and just observe to bring more understanding to a situation, we can let go of people disappointing us. That is indeed a blessing as then people are not doing things to us as much struggling with their own tensions.

    1. Such a great point Jenny, I used to be constantly disappointed from taking everything personally. Observation removes making it all about self.

       1. Observation does support not taking things personally, which is key.

51. It is more normal than we realise to box and frame others into a way we expect them to be. This is only of course cause we do this to ourselves first and in that contraction need others to fill the void our own self restriction brings. In this way expection and judgement are utterly unnecessary irresponsible behaviours that only serve to keep us all less and create excuse as to why we are less.

52. Observation supports us so much to stay steady and to not react, and when we are reacting, to feel and notice it and bring ourselves out of it. When we observe the whole, we also get more understanding of why we and others are choosing what they’re choosing, and there’s also more space to respond.

53. This is such an inspiring, beautiful sharing. Thank you. Much is being offered here.

54. With true observation we can be more aware of what pictures or ideals we may be projecting or expecting of others and have clearer understanding of what is really going on and how to lovingly respond to it all.

55. Having been one who rushed headlong into things when fuelled by emotional reactions, it has been so liberating to learn how to stop and observe the situation first. I have learned that reacting to emotions without first feeling into what is happening has the effect of causing even more chaos, whereas the simple art of observation has the power to defuse what is unfolding and bring order back into my life. A much more sensible and saner way to live.

56. Can you feel the freedom and space understanding brings? However it only comes from giving ourselves the space first to understand what we are feeling within ourselves.

    1. That is why observing is so important, when we observe we get more understanding of why we and others are choosing what they’re choosing,

57. It is such a journey, learning to speak not from reaction, but from observation. At the start, when we start to make the choice to do this, it seems that we can be swamped by reactions… And yet if we just persist, everything starts to change.

58. Our relationships can often stay on a superficial level where we do not communicate how we feel but what has been shared here shows us that a mother and son are in the process of deepening the quality of their relationship. Not only will this have a profound effect on his life and how he communicates with his future partners and friends but also how he sees and deals with life.

59. There is so much power in silence and observing. An insight is often offered that allows you to appreciate what is a far greater lesson than we choose to see or feel to know.

60. When we observe and do not react we have the opportunity to see the truth rather than looking through glasses tinted with our judgments, expectations and assumptions.

61. “When we are willing to observe, we are willing to develop a relationship with the world that has no judgement in it.” I love this first sentence. I can feel how important it is to also develop a relationship with where we have no judgement of ourselves to. Therefore when we are simply observing situations and ourselves in them we can see much more than if we go into self judgment. Its also a very beautiful way to support and even nurture ourselves.

    1. If we judge ourselves then we will inevitably judge others.

62. Observation and honesty, especially total honesty, work together and one reinforces the other.

63. Reaction is a movement of exclusion. Understanding of inclusion.

64. I find when we hold onto our hurts we are more likely to react instead of observe.

65. When we observe and not leap into reaction we can bring understanding and not judgement. It’s amazing how things can then resolve more simply.

66. I am learning to be an observer, but sometimes I find myself back in my old patterns of reacting and judging, which I can now spot very easily. I am also learning to I allow myself to feel how awful this is in my body when I react and how much I dislike this feeling. Being more open to observe instead of reacting has been very supportive in my relationships.

    1. Observing can give us space and in that space a holding quality where acceptance and understanding make way for, or give way to, appreciation.

67. Perhaps sometimes, observation can be taken to mean being cold or distant, to not be wholly or fully engaged with life and people. But as Serge Benhayon has presented observation to be according to The Ageless Wisdom, it is about holding love for another or others or yourself as your first intention, and then to allow to openly see what is there to be seen. The key is the love, as this takes away any potential form of judgement or critique.

    1. I have been accused of being cold when I speak of detaching from an emotional scene. Yet, as you say what Serge Benhayon has shown us is that holding love for oneself and another can be of more value. Sympathy just pulls us all into the drama and then we can drown in the emotional instability. No healing there…..

    2. Always holding ourselves and others with love is key.

68. It is great to be able to observe without wanting the situation to be different. Because we can also observe and then react to what we are aware of and then we are lost in the reaction that follows.

    1. I know what you mean Lieke but I wonder if our ability to truly observe is clouded by our hurts or reactions. So in effect our observation may be unclear if it comes with any form of reaction either before or after our observation.

69. I get the sense that to observe is to see for ourselves what is happening, that is, to allow ourselves to receive and to not reinterpret with perception what is being witnessed.

    1. Exactly. Once we have observed sufficiently we then gain understanding.

70. What a beautiful gift observation is as it gives people the space to be where they are, and we come with understanding.

    1. Absolutely Natalie, observation is a loving choice that doesn’t impose on another.

71. Learning to not make things all about ourselves and thus take everything personally is very empowering and the levels of deep exhaustion are possible to change.
    “To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.”

72. Reactions breed more reactions, the same way that staying in observer mode and simply reading the situation helps others feel what is going on for them without reacting emotionally too.

    1. Very true Michael. Choosing to observe and not react is very supportive for everyone. Sometimes I find it is very easy to react to situations and I realise that is because I was already moving in protection and hardness.

73. Observation is essential for our health and well-being. When we take on emotion and get attached to any situation we are also drinking the poison of another.

    1. Yes and healing that poison is much more difficult as we don’t have the root cause in our own body. Observation with love is key.

    2. Great point Joshua, this is perhaps why so many people feel exhausted, they may be taking on emotions and drama in life that then drains their energy as the body has to clear it.

    3. Absolutely, observation is essential for our health and well-being, when we are not observing we are absorbing, and so may well be absorbing another’s poison.

74. “It was by being present and being honest about my hurts that I found I could return to being observant by choice.” – This helps me realise how when we hide or suppress our hurts, they actually bubble up in other interactions as reactions or over-sensitivities to things, thus limiting any ability to stay present and read situations to gain more understanding.

75. “In this process there is an absence of a picture or an expectation of what this development looks like, especially in regards to having a time frame.” – This is such a great point to make as the investments in things going or our development unfolding in a certain way sets us up for an inevitable disappointment when life does not match the picture, and thus the reactions commence and pull us further away from our innate stillness and love.

76. When we don’t observe we end up absorbing and taking on things that are not us and that is very harmful. An obvious example is when we are feeling good in ourselves and then have a conversation with a very angry or sad person and afterwards don’t feel so good anymore. Over time this can build up more and more and cause problems to our bodies, relationships and well-being. Observation is a counter to absorbing and is healing for all concerned.

    1. This absorbing of another’s ‘stuff’ is probably a contributing factor to why the levels of health and well-being are so horrifying.

77. The ability to be honest and bring up our hurts and issues in our conversations is so important for our healing process otherwise they just get buried or haunt us all the more.

78. What is so powerful about staying the observer during difficult or challenging interactions with people is how when we do that and the other person or people are in a lot of emotional reaction to a situation it immediately allows the other person to become more settled and centred themselves, and therefore more able to read the situation for themselves and perhaps how it began, or what is to be learnt from it.

79. “To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.” As this is not the way we are brought up it takes practice to observe and not react, yet is never too late to learn.

80. Communication without reaction or judgement is the way to understand and build deeper relationships with others.

    1. Absolutely Mary, beautifully expressed and this the best way to develop our relationship with each other.

81. ” We have come a long way in our relationship with each other for him to be able to share his feelings this honestly with me. ”
    This is wonderful and there is great trust and allowing when a child can do this with a parent.

    1. It really is very lovely. Always much to appreciate when close ones trust us enough to express themselves honestly.

82. We all know that there is much more to life that what we sense with our 5 senses, we can feel it. But we reduce what we feel and know in many ways, one of which is through reaction. In reaction we loose our peripheral vision and become tunnelled and see only what is directly in front of us because it becomes about the hurt. When we are truly observing we automatically have 360 degree vision and we are able to feel the energetic undercurrent to what is occurring and realise that whatever is happening is never personal. Its like whatever is said simply washes over us and is not able to attach itself. There is always a much broader outplay at play.

    1. And as it becomes about the hurt so we go into survival mode and the fight/flight mechanism is activated and we are in defence. So when that happens it is no wonder we go into tunnel vision, as you so clearly share Jennifer.

83. Being honest is a very powerful start to being truthful. And being the observer depends upon these tools. It is time for the whole human race to begin to see the games being played – games that do not belong to the realm of truth and beauty. What an old and separate game we have been indulging in. But once we consent to observe these games are exposed.

84. What a powerful tool of re-connection is offered from non judgmental remaining open to others and giving them the space to express themselves.
    “Without judgement, I simply expressed, “There must be something you are feeling very stressed about if you chose not to go to class today, and I would like to understand what it is.””

85. It is great when we can observe and not take on and react to another’s choices. It is a tricky one for me to really embrace as it requires more responsibility and it is super easy running around reacting and lots of energy is generated which is exciting. Observing and being responsible however unlock true joy and this doesn’t have the same appeal to the spirit!

86. There is so much to learn from the body’s communication “When we are willing to observe, we are willing to develop a relationship with the world that has no judgement in it.” Those judgments can be so deeply embedded that we can be unaware they are moving us. Building the relationship with the body brings out the awareness of what lies below our movements and expression.

    1. That is so true Lucy that we can be unaware of what moves us. Becoming aware is key.

       1. To get that the energy comes before the thought or the movement is something that has to be observed and discovered by observation rather than knowledge. It is quite remarkable to see what puppets we are – I was about to say sometimes…but … I can see it is all the time.

87. Observing life and others is fascinating. So often I find myself wanting to jump and fix things for others, say the right words essentially alleviate the situation but this often changes nothing. What I am finding is the more I simply am myself without any words needed the more I allow people to be and they naturally make the more loving choices. I also find I then get to see what is being triggered in myself and so can address it rather than giving more importance to helping others, which a lot of the time is a distraction away from being with myself.

88. A pause to simply observe and BE present with our own breath, is a powerful and true antidote to getting hooked into reactions, which only serve to create more emotional energy circulating around and around into a cycle of blame and abuse.
    PAUSE – OBSERVE – BREATHE & BE

89. Again was presented with something that my human spirit classified as ‘outrageous’ and I was so tempted to explode. But a moment of ‘ observe and come back’ worked very powerfully as I saw the hook there to make me crash, as well as the hook of indulgence to react on my part, and I brought in the tool of true ‘sacrifice’ which the Bhagavad Gita talks about. This is the first time I have truly felt the meaning of the word sacrifice in all its power – not in its bastardised usage.

    1. Very inspiring Lyndy and much appreciated – a deeper sense and understanding of the true meaning of ‘sacrifice’

       1. Yes Stephanie – I am only coming to realise the beauty of that word ‘sacrifice’ and its true meaning. The older more familiar meaning to me was tainted with martyrdom and I couldn’t stand that whole charade. The sacrifice is simply saying ‘yes’ to truth and simplicity.

90. ‘To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us’. I am learning to observe, and let go of my old pattern that took me into reaction and therefore preventing me from reading the situation clearly and then knowing what to do, and sometimes that may be nothing.

91. A beautiful example of how we are constantly offered the next teaching – one that we can accept and allow to support the deepening of our love or one we can resist and temporarily cause delay.

    1. When the next teaching comes, we may not feel always ready, but we have been prepared, and as long as we don’t react, we will find all the support we need is there, right down to the ‘detail’, and over that bump we go…

       1. Thank you jacqmcfadden04 we have been prepared, this is true. We do know what to do and not reacting is the first step, that is staying true to ourselves, connected to the love that we have for ourselves.

92. True and beautiful what is possible when we do not react but observe what is going and what is going on for us.. To act from there is a much wiser choice and one that will support us to go deeper, heal and let go..

    1. It sure is a much wiser choice and all it can take is a moment to almost sit back, gain a clear understanding and then speak, if words are needed. So often I find when I am bursting with words to say usually they are coming from me reacting and wanting to sort things out rather than allowing them to be.

    2. And observing helps us stop judging, ‘When we are willing to observe, we are willing to develop a relationship with the world that has no judgement in it.’

93. Observing oneself and one’s own reactions is certainly an education! I found myself reacting angrily the other day to someone manipulating me with ‘nice’ and with perfection ideals, and it it made me feel like exploding because it was so sneaky and I momentarily fell for it (was fooled1) – but what a judgment that was on my part when observed it all. I know that there is no right or wrong and that to perpetuate that and react angrily only undermines my health and the health of those around me. I just have to observe and express.

94. Something was said to me the other day which I found to be quite hurtful. But I stayed with the feeling of being hurt and could feel the energy coming from the other person was not them but they had allowed an energy to come through them. Feeling the energy first and understanding that it is trying to destabilize me to keep me small and in my place is a huge step forward in my awareness of life and how it plays out.

95. Expressing with respect and decency has the tendency to allow an openness to develop like you and your son are sharing. So then when we take away the emotions that usually run our lives we are open to a Truly-Loving-Relationships that flourishes.

96. Being an observer has huge benefits, mainly healthwise as we do not take on another’s emotional stuff, but also we are able to read more clearly which always brings understanding and seeing the bigger picture.

97. I have to say that being an observer, for me, is possibly the most important step to commit to in life – too often we are swayed by the reaction, the drama, the hurt, instead of observing these imposters who have taken over and peopled our lives, bringing calamity, damage, and a surety that we will not be connected to our magnificence.

98. A beautiful sharing of how a relationship between mother and son, which can normally be quite tense, has so much openness and honouring which allows each to express honestly without holding back without having fear of a put down or rejection coming back. All relationships are a reflection of how we are with ourselves.

99. There is such a freeing element to the body when we observe and a level of understanding and respect offered to another that holds the space rather than imposes on another’s right to express from the lived truth.

100. The power of observation can never be underestimated, it offers someone the space to feel safe to express what it is they need to express , as beautifully illustrated by how your son opened up and told you exactly why he didn’t go into his music class. I wonder if he would have expressed this with the honesty he did if you had gone straight into the reaction without stopping to feel the situation.

101. The fiction of life is something we all share. The dramas, the fights, the intrigue, the struggles, fill the space and distract us from truth. But why settle for a cheap paperback of complications when you can read the grand tome of Love? Thank you Anonymous for your observations.

     1. Great question Joseph, I know what I am choosing to read and live (without perfection) and that would be the ‘grand tome of love’!

102. What a beautiful education you are bringing to your son Anonymous. This opening for a deeper relationship breaks all the old consciousnesses (i.e. mistakes!) that parents have been inflicting upon their children for aeons. How beautiful not to demand that he conform to an image but to keep the communication open and respectful and loving.

103. The power of observation is that we are impulsed to respond and walk with true and love, free from reacting with emotion, as such offering evolution and reflecting the truth of our innate beingness. The more I allow myself to observe the greater the awareness I have and as a result the more truth, honesty and value I bring to all my relationships.

104. I have observed that observation is a wonderful, powerful, liberating and highly undervalued quality.

105. I absolutely love reading this blog, because it reminds me just how simple it is when we observe our behaviours and feelings as well as others rather than ingesting them in our bodies.

     1. I agree Elodie. we are far freer to walk the truth when we observe everything, ourselves and others, otherwise what we are walking is not a true reflection of who we are, and in fact a reduction, which does feel horrible in the body.

106. The discipline to observe rather than react is an ever developing path. In the observing of a situation, the reaction may still appear, but from there the internal observation allows the evolution.

107. The stringent belief that there is a right and wrong thing in every situation is a huge prison. ‘Everything was going great until X happened’ we bemoan, but that is to overlook the absolute perfection of that incident occurring to us – it’s there for a definite reason. Observing means being willing to receive and comprehend these reflections. Thank you Anonymous for yours today.

108. How beautiful it is to be able to observe life and not absorb life and see the learning unfold before our very eyes. Simply awesome.

109. ‘… In essence, speaking in reaction like this is our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt.’ This is what I have noticed recently, when I express from reaction it comes from a deep hurt I have not let go of. This then stops the other person from opening up or evolving.

110. I love what you say here and find it very inspirational as it is so easy to let our minds rule what we feel instead of going into the body and surrender to what we truly feel underneath the old pattern of reaction out of hurt.

111. Reacting is choosing an insignificant point over the whole. Parallel to our turning a point into the whole, we jump straight into a hole from where we lose sight of everything that is true. So, in truth, reaction is only a vacation away from responsibility we have regarding the whole in the name of something we choose as alibi.

     1. Well said Eduardo.

112. Life is so much more simple when we do not let our judgments guide us and inevitably get in the way.

113. Our observing is our golden key to understanding life and cycles. To become more real and aware of why things are the way they are and what they have to do with us. Hence, because of this awareness we then have a simply space to turn the tide around and re-imprint, re-imprint our world with our choices that come from more connection (fire of our Soul). It is here we can individually make changes that will effect our whole, in a good way.

114. Having an expectation and a timeframe on myself, others or a situation isn’t observing as I am focused on a perception, a picture of what I want life to be thats static. Observing is far more enjoyable as holding onto perceptions of myself/the world makes me feel really miserable and closed off from others.

115. One of my favourite things to do is sit by a dock, train station or airport and watch all the people go by. Or to sit by a hill and watch the birds fly and sun set. I realise now it’s not the picturesque part that tickles me so much but the fact that I simply observe what transpires without reaction that brings me pleasure. Your words remind me Anonymous that this is easily possible in the rest of my life as long as I am not tempted to indulge in being in the drama of the ‘ups and downs’ we are addicted to running with as a human race.

116. When we observe we allow another space, in this space we hold another in their essence and not in judgment of the actions. From this point they get to learn, evolve and feel they are love first and foremost.

117. Developing observation and understanding versus reacting is wonderfully liberating for all concerned!

118. Observation is the greatest gift we can give our children because through it comes understanding and thus the space needed for the other person to be held in love and not let go of or imposed upon by an investment that they have to be, act or think a certain way.

     1. Observation is also a great gift we can give to ourselves. It is nearly Christmas, just imagine if Santa gave everyone a sack full of observation this year how much more festive the season would be 😉

        1. Haha – yes true. Metaphorically speaking perhaps all we need do is observe the packages we are given and discern whether the contents therein feel true or not…

        2. Yes there is no need to accept or even unwrap a so called “gift” if it is harmful.

119. ” To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us. ” This is so wise and clear on what true observation is , how wonderful for your son.

120. Our relationships can only deepen if we allow ourselves to let go of judgement and instead openly share how we feel in the willingness to see the behaviours that we are perpetuating that keep us away from love.

121. I love how clearly you show that communicating with a reaction is just an unwillingness to admit you felt hurt. This one spec of wisdom has the potential power to change all human relationships, amazing. The example you offered to inspire others of it’s ability to do it’s magic was perfect. The tension that can be present when issues arise with our children is so real and something most parents have experienced if not live with 24/7. Enjoy exploring the depths/tenderness your son and yourself will discover together…..

122. This blog makes it super clear just how much emotion clouds our perception and hence does not allow any true understanding to be.

123. It is very true that we have normalised communicating and expressing from our reactions. This makes me question, perhaps this is why so many people I know are experiencing relationship issues. So, if we learn to observe instead of reacting to situations and people, how would this change our life and the quality of our relationships? I’d say the change would be massive, we would be able to respond, communicate and express more harmoniously and more lovingly without judgement, frustration, anger etc.

124. What a beautiful sharing anon of what is possible when we observe and give ourselves the space needed to understand a situation without reacting to it.

     1. Isn’t it interesting how there is such an increase in space when we observe. How reduced space gets when we have a picture and judgement.

125. Beautiful how your son chose and felt safe to communicate and express so honestly with yourself, and how your relationship deepened, ‘we chose to express without reaction. Immediately with our choice to communicate in this way, our connection deepened even more.’

126. In every situation, no matter what it is, we have an opportunity to learn something more about ourselves and others. This does not happen when we are in reaction, for we become consumed by the situation in hand and sometimes it feels like there is no way out from this, so we may lash out for relief of the the built up tension. But that is all that is a relief. The reaction is still there. The question I have here is so what are we not wanting to see or learn that we are making through out reactions?

127. Simply accepting someone makes a huge difference to our relationship I agree, to not feel judged and imposed on by expectations is very freeing, ‘This deeper connection between us developed with understanding and acceptance of each other’.

128. A gorgeous sharing of the deepening relationship between you and your son and the openness to be truly seen and heard for who you both truly are, “Inspired by the body’s wisdom to continuously feel and express deeper in commitment to observing, understanding and not absorbing life. ” thank you Anonymous.

129. There are so many stories we can go into when we let hurts dictate our communication. This is a beautiful unraveling of how there is another way, a way of observing, and in particular observing oneself, which brings us understanding and a much clearer view on what is going on.

130. Observe life but do not absorb it, is one of those sentences that keeps on giving. Choosing to not react when it comes to our kids and partners has to be the biggest challenge. A key I learned recently is that it is natural to react, it is just what we choose to do next that counts. Allowing ourselves to feel, the hurt, to read the situation, even if it’s only for a split second, helps us to be able to go forth with understanding. We react because we love our kids and partners, if we hold that above hurt, we always know what to do next.

     1. “We react because we love our kids and partners, if we hold that above hurt, we always know what to do next.” This is a beautiful way to put things into perspective, reminding us how big we often make one situation/incident whilst forgetting, or almost negating, everything else there is.

131. What a wonderful life lesson you and your son were presented with simply by your choice to observe and to not get drawn into the destructive pattern of reaction. Making this choice you were able to offer him the space to express something that he had been holding onto for a while, something that left unhealed would only fester, harming him in the process. Now he has been able to heal supported by the freedom to express with honesty.

132. Observing life and everything in it offers us the grace to be in life, joyfully with ourselves while not being impacted by the onslaughts that abound. This is something I’m learning and needing to dive into at a whole new level – to observe and read life as opposed to reacting to it. It’s not easy when we haven’t observed life for a long time – lifetimes in fact – but it is where we are pulled to go. It is only through open and honest observation that we offer another way for everyone – one in which we stay true to ourselves no matter what is happening around us.

133. “Because there was no judgement, my son communicated openly that ……. ” When we observe and hold another with love there is no room for judgement. Great sharing – thankyou Anon.

134. I love observation, it holds another in love, offering reflection and space for them to make the next move free of judgment.

     1. Beautiful to read this kimweston2 – it is so very true. The litmus test that it’s reaction instead is just that – if we react to what we are seeing or feeling, we are no longer observing.

135. Its actually incredible how deep our conversations and connections go when we observe rather than take on the emotions of others, which automatically leads to a reaction. We are always communicating at deep levels, but we do not have access to this when we come from a reaction, we simply can’t see it. Through observation we open up a path to understanding and see what is really going on for another (and for ourselves). There is no sympathy in this, that is also a reaction.

136. When it comes to family, it is easy to react or get caught up with what is happening. I am having this experience at the moment and it is a great challenge to simply observe and not react. But in observing we do not get caught in emotion and we can openly express what is felt.

137. The power of observation is the surrender to the what is and the letting go of the what is not. This is where we find the greatest intimacy and love for one another. Thank you Anonymous.

138. ”… In essence, speaking in reaction like this is our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt.”
     This is very well said. Whenever we react – we must seek coming back to ourselves first. Then after reflect on how and why things happen.

     1. This is a great line, and a great marker that we need to go deeper within when reaction is felt.

     2. When we do not reflect on the how and why we set ourselves just one degree off our course of evolution that over time leaves us lost from ourselves. Hense our responsibility to nail when first felt, why it happens.

139. In some recent situations I was just naturally observing, and I realise now how that assisted me to not judge or get drawn in, feels so much more loving for all, ‘To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.’

140. I am learning to observe and not react. As I was reading your blog, I felt to do a little experiment this week to observe myself and people around me. Mainly to build more awareness to when I react to certain situations or to certain people. I feel bringing more awareness will support me to be less reactive and more observant. This is going to be fun.

141. I have found that children and teenagers understand why they do and don’t do things. They are often equally happy to share the reasoning if we are prepared to listen, and listen without judgement. Regardless of how flawed we see their decision making, there has been a decision made and it will often seem very logical to them. If we are really wanting to support our children as they grow up we will take time to understand how their brain processes information and what their decision making path looks like.

142. There is so much space that opens up with acceptance and appreciation. It’s as though there is no time and we have the space to truly feel what’s going on.

143. ‘In essence, speaking in reaction like this is our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt’ Isn’t every reaction an indication of a hurt we are not acknowledging? When we react it can happen so quickly and it does not feel good at all. Can we then develop the presence to stop as soon as we realise what is happening, take a breath or two and reconnect and communicate from our essential self, changing our movements and realigning to what we know is true?

144. It was great to come back to this blog after a long time. It just reminded me how important it is to fully communicate and express, how most of us walk around holding back our full expression and then when we do express its in reaction. I recently had a an experience of this which left me sad and feeling very hurt. What I got from this is to be open to observing and then communicating not holding back.

145. Throughout our life we are sold the lie that life is just what we see. If we walk around thinking this is true we get hooked into drama about what is right and wrong – temporally. A key part of observing is to me, living from the knowing that we are all multi-dimensional beings, with great power and capability to feel things. When I stop settling for the way life appears I get to see there is so much there. A beautiful blog and timely reminder Anonymous to keep reading life.

146. Observing… truly observing is a beautiful awakening experience that frees us in many ways

     1. True cjames2012. And in the observation we are able to depersonalise what we are observing and feel what’s really going on.

        1. Yes Lucy interesting isn’t it … just the choice to sit back, to truly see hear and feel brings a paradigm shift for our whole health and well being

147. To remember to step back and observe, rather than caught up in the grip of emotions that serve only to bind us in drama, is very liberating and brings an end to exhaustion.

148. To observe the world is to be open and aware of all and what comes from this is a deeper understanding of people a, greater sense of space and room to simply be and that is the way we then support not only ourselves from taking on other’s experience and or situations but shows true love and understanding and that is key.

149. When I demand of myself to have an answer to whats going on that is not understanding. Understanding to me feels holding and supportive without attachment. Until reading this today I hadn’t laid out my understanding of both sides in such a way. Thank you.

150. When we do bring understanding to what we are feeling and to what is going on around us then it is impossible to be in judgement. This is Gold, I have been working on bringing this awareness into my day and this is something that requires loving attention and dedication and when we do it feels amazing. The tension in the body starts to fall away and everyone is given space to be.

151. When I stop making it all about me, I can deal with my reactions, and not want to make others help me feel better, by doing things my way. Also when it’s not all about me, I have space to be open and hear what the other person is feeling.

     1. That has been my experience “when its not all about me, I have space to open and hear what the other person is feeling.” Space feels like it expands and their is more open communication.

152. It’s amazing how we can deepen in our relationships, by not reacting in situations that feel hurtful like this one that you share here, Anonymous. It definitely requires a firm observation and surrender to not follow the chain of emotions that can emerge when we react.

153. Having the ability to observe allows another the space to be in their own evolution as we receive a deeper level of understanding and acceptance of where they are at without taking poison into our bodies.

154. To me being an observer is accepting we are far more than the physical, that there is far more at play than the actions we see and words we hear .

     1. Yes Kim, why restrict it to the physical – our children don’t!!!

155. I feel how learning to observe without reaction or judgment is to love unconditionally.

     1. Beautifully said Fumiyo. There is a surrender to all we are in observation, we surrender to this, then we see we are all made of the same love.

156. I am learning a lot about being observant and not to react to daily life and people, especially certain people. I do not know how this process is possible in the past, because reactions seem so innate like a automatic response. So every time when i catch myself in reaction (it gets easier and easier) I would say it out loud that I have reacted, and the more I do this, the easier it is to be aware of what my reactions are and what I have reacted towards. This process seems to deconstruct and debase my reactions and my hurts. The more I do this, the more I feel steady in facing common reactions in the past, without the same extent in reaction. Recently, when I received some very strong reactions from others, I was still able to connect to a deep part of myself where there is clarity and joy, and remain in this quality while expressing back to others. And without reacting, the reactions of others diminished extensively too. This is a super cool process.

157. ‘communicating from reactions – for example, speaking with sarcasm, frustration, outrage and with a sense of withdrawal – is an ingrained and normalised way of being.’ It does seem quite common to experience this and there also seems to be a need to sensationalise our experiences and have things be dramatic.There can be an underlying comparison going on and a vying for a strong position.It’s great to be able to observe this without judgement and stay steady and solid in the present moment and not get drawn into the game.

158. I have found that being able to observe what is unfolding around me without going into reaction allows me to stay fully present in my body. It is like I have antennas that are on full alert and everything becomes crystal clear. If I can’t initially see or feel where the other person is coming from I am offered the space to do so. I retain such a settled and solid feeling in my body unlike when I go into reaction and I feel as if I am in a thousand pieces and none of them are making sense. Being the observer is simply making the choice to be with me and feel the truth of what comes next.

159. It doesn’t matter where we go, who we see or where we stay, we will always be faced with situations that trigger these reactions every day. What we can change though, as you show Anonymous is the way we handle this part of life. And far from blocking stuff out what seems to truly help is feeling why things hurt. If we can do this inside of ourselves we have a solidness that sustains all else.

160. ‘.. my understanding of him deepened because we were communicating with words rather than with just outbursts of emotions followed with periods of non-communication.’ How common is this! It’s how so many of us communicate with each other – outbursts of emotion from the hurts we do not want to feel or acknowledge. Just lots of hurt people walking around in a prison of protection trying to avoid being hurt and yet constantly hurting ourselves by putting ourselves in said prison! We’re all bonkers!!

161. When reading this writing it was so wonderful to hear about a young boy making a wise choice for himself. There are times when children make wise choices from their observations the more this is honoured the wiser the child lives.

162. The last few days I have started to experience what being an observer of life feels like. I was able to see events play out before me, but not react in my usual way. I noticed quickly how the people around me changed – they seemed to feel free to be themselves in a way they hadn’t been previously. It stunned me to notice this change. I am still working on this ability to watch the world, some days are better than others I find. My success seems to depend on if I am willing to observe first my breath and my body. Thank you Anonymous for sharing the inspiring way you watch life every day.

163. That which stands out is that if we give space, allow another to express and not think something of what they have chosen or experienced – we give a free way to feel beyond and truly heal and confirm who they are.

164. It seems so easy and obvious – why don’t we live this way, observing life’s outplay like a theatre show or video? I have wondered this for a while and recently I have begun to see, it’s when something occurs that feels horrible and yucky to me I tend to get attached or involved in life in a way I don’t need to be. This also stops me standing out and seeming very different in life- after all everyone has struggles right? So to observe as you show Anonymous means letting my true presence be felt and to feeling everything that occurs in full. In short. Starting to live rather than hide from life.

165. How easy it is to go into reaction from the tones that are heard in people’s voices.
     Simply being the observer and responding is so empowering. Thank you Anonymous.
     “And yet, as I was already in observation mode from the restaurant, I was still able to simply observe and no feelings of hurt arose as a result of the tone of his voice”.

166. We think living is getting ‘involved’, getting wrapped up in emotions, and going up and down with life’s various events. But what if that is simply not true? What if this is just a rollercoaster ride we have chosen to board, and that there is always a chance to get off any moment? What would we find if we actually did that one day? Could it be possible that we would discover that there is a simplicity, easiness and stillness that spans way beyond what we can see with our eyes? Why not hop off and see that life can be richer than any pearl but not complex, draining or overwhelming in any way? Thank you Adele.

167. When we observe and can respond to a situation rather than react emotionally, outcomes will be more fruitful for both parties. Reactions can result in justification and defence as one side feels backed into a corner. As I learn to not take things so personally I find I am more able to observe a situation and respond accordingly. Definitely still a work in progress!

168. The problem with having pictures is that our pictures can differ and greatly so! So when there are no matching or common pictures, a world war can happen by saying “but this IS my picture…” we can sense the futility of this scenario. In connection, step 1 is to recognise what our pictures are. step 2 is to let go of our pictures, that is what observation is. step 3 only happens when we have completed step 2, as by letting go of our own pictures, we start to understand and see what the pictures of another are. step 4 then understanding happens. step 5 to convey this understanding there needs to be communication based on a commonality rather than a difference, and hence this reminds us to express in nothing but love and truth, the essence of everyone.
     This is the very simple science of connection.

169. “To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.” To observe is to remain open to what is all around us and to feel it from its honesty. It is then from here we have the choice to allow a deeper understanding and learn from what is then to be shared from the next movement or to go into protection and hide what is truly felt within. A great clarity is found in the willingness to honour our feelings and to then move from this honesty it is in this movement we find the wisdom and keys to observation of the all.

170. It is a powerful choice to observe life and not to react to life as it gives us the space to respond without letting old hurts get in the way.

171. It only takes a moment of disconnection from ourselves for us to go into reaction to a situation and from there in a split second we are most likely to have absorbed what is coming at us from the other person, taking on an emotion that is foreign to our body; it is not ours to carry. Whereas if we stay in connection with ourselves we are able to simply observe and then with the reading of that observation be able to respond in a way that will offer healing to all involved.

172. This is where true parenting is about – the understanding, without reaction, that hold the person in equalness and respect, addressing the matter of what needs to be communicated and expressed in that moment. Brilliant anonymous.

173. It’s amazing what happens when we do not feel judged. We feel a space around and within us to let go, to drop the fight because it’s finally OK to do so. There is no judgement in true love – and this is what humanity sorely needs for it to heal from deep-seated hurts and start to return again to its true and natural ways.

174. A friend of mine has a saying of how he will let ‘that one go through to the net’. I think it refers to how in a game of soccer you can charge about trying to protect your goal, making sure the other team don’t score. But really, what is it really all for? Just in the way soccer is ‘only a game’, so too are the reactions and emotional situations we have. We don’t need to indulge them but can if you like, just simply let the ball pass you by without getting involved and say ‘oh ok you want me to get involved but this time I’m not going to play ball’. Thank you Anonymous.

175. Boy is this hard, being an observer, I find it hard at times anyway. When I am being faced with someone in an energy that is very very imposing and dictatorial, it can easily suck you in. I know that being an observer is where we need to get to, to not be taken over, still a work in progress.

176. To me living in observation is living as the multinational beings we are, for there is far more at play than the words we speak.

177. To be able to observe… To be outward to actually see what is going on, to take the blinkers off, to be able to see, feel, and connect with everything around us… This is most definitely possible and interestingly enough when we connect inside, we can feel what is going on outside.

178. Life presents many opportunities throughout our day to simply observe and not take things on. The getting caught up in life and its events can be a tempting hook though. So it’s a constant reminder to keep our awareness with our own bodies and if we do get hooked in simply return to it’s simplicity.

179. Learning to observe without reaction and judgment has meant choosing a deeper level of responsibility to look at the things that trigger me. Absolutely worth it though the quality of my relationships has changed immeasurably.

180. Just reading the word ‘observe’ makes my body surrender! When we observe we remain with ourselves, with the body and not ‘taken out’ by what we see and feel around us. It doesn’t mean we don’t engage or interact and walk around like zombies – it actually enables a truer connection with people and our surroundings because we are bringing all of us to the table rather than leaving ourselves behind.

     1. I hadn’t noticed that before Rachael – that when I observe I surrender – but it’s true! Thank You 😊

181. A great reminder to observe life and therefore not get caught up in it.

182. Thank you for this very open and detailed account of the unfolding relationship with you and your son. I love how you say that we may have thoughts that could feel hurtful to us but by observing those thoughts and not letting them go anywhere we can choose how to be and in choosing not to be in reaction to the thoughts but staying with the love that we are we can have an open and clear communication and deepen the love and respect that is already there but not necessarily expressed up until that point.

183. If we can walk open-hearted towards a future we all ready know, then it becomes much simpler to observe the present as it plays out and avoid reacting to the past.

184. It is our right to claim ourselves and observe instead of stepping onto the rollercoaster of emotional reactions and drama’s. Often it seems like we don’t have a choice but when we observe we can feel we do have that choice which is very beautiful.

185. It is far wiser to observe life astutely and respond with love accordingly rather than to react with little understanding of all that is at play and what is needed in that moment.

186. I love what is shared here, it is like there is the “sliding doors” scenarios that could play out, a reaction that would create a further reaction. Or an observation and honest sharing that leads to an honest response and a deeper level of intimacy, understanding and connection between two people. I understand more and more that I don’t have to have the answers straight away, but just saying how I feel without reaction is what is important, sharing my feelings and giving the other and opportunity to deepen their understanding of what is playing out.

187. Observation can be quite a challenged when we are unused to it – either observing or being observed. It was interesting to be reading some literary criticism last night on a novel I am tutoring, in which the critic really reacted to the novel’s protagonist’s detachment, equality, great love of people. Even something truthful in a novel written in 1960 can trigger the fury of the wounded person who wants to deny the truth that observation is love.

188. Without reaction the depth of relationship, understanding, learning and respect we can grow to is astounding.

189. I am inspired by what you have expressed here Anonymous, thank you;
     “Inspired by the body’s wisdom to continuously feel and express deeper in commitment to observing, understanding and not absorbing life”.

190. ‘When we are willing to observe, we are willing to develop a relationship with the world that has no judgement in it.’ I love your opening sentence Anon. It can change our relationships completely.

191. Being an observer is the simplest form of love we can have towards another, as it is only then that we can truly hold them with no judgement and allow space for them to be who they are and be inspired by the reflection of love.

192. Observing rather than absorbing, as taught by Serge Benhayon, is a great recipe for true communication and connection between people of all ages. It honours who we are and the fact that there is always a reason for our behaviour, no matter how strange it might look to others. Observation leads to solutions and not just quick fixes and easy answers.

193. The beauty of observation is the beautiful holding quality of our bodies connection to our every movement that then holds others and allows them to be themselves in full without a need or picture of how they should be. The beauty of holding and the intimacy in connection it brings is simply honesty at its finest and from that honesty we deepen our surrender to the all.

194. So beautiful to feel the unfoldment of your relationship with you son, from roles being played out to you both just being who you are as simply as two beings in the world, sharing a relationship that support you both to grow and evolve so you can be more of who you naturally and greatly are. When we meet another in truth emotions have no place. For wherever there is a meeting of hearts, we are always held by the embracing and ever deepening quality of love.

195. This is super amazing. I often observe people in reaction and how judgement and hurt close off the intimacy that would otherwise be there with oneself and another. It’s a great reminder that if someone is shutting themselves off from me, I could do well to check where I’m at and if I’ve shut down communications.

196. I keep coming back to this blog. Recently I am allowing myself to observe and the result is I get a deeper understanding of the other person. When I react I add complication that takes everything down a different path, and further away from any resolution of the original issue.

     1. Yes and with observation we have the opportunity to understand and accept ourselves and each other rather than battening down the hatches in defence.

197. When we observe and don’t react, things start to unfold in a wondrous and rewarding way; we don’t walk away with more scars from such situations but keep moving ahead and start healing the old hurts and battle wounds from our past experiences we otherwise carry with us.

198. It sounds such a simple statement… Observer without reacting… but let’s take it to bits… I know that I have started to do this and then to feel how reaction is embedded in so much of what I do… And of course simply being a microcosm of the world one can safely know that reaction is endemic and configures much of the disastrous interactions of our modern times

199. Learning to truly observe situations, events and people (including ourselves) leads us to a greater understanding whereas reacting keeps our issues alive and much bigger than we are.

200. So beautiful to feel the depth of understanding we can go to, letting ourselves not be guided by false judgement but getting to the bottom of what is going on is only what is supporting us all to heal.

201. The art or science of observation is immensely powerful and totally underestimated. Reading your blog again Anonymous I could feel the depth of understanding and clarity we get by allowing ourselves the space to observe. In a split second reaction, whether it is anger frustration or judgement, we loose that connection to the bigger picture and what is really at play. I love the fact that by waiting and not rushing into anything you gave both you and your son the space to open up and reveal with honesty why he did not go to his class. We can all learn from what you have offered here.

202. It is crucial to not take anything personally. Yet we need to build a platform within ourselves to support this – for example, we need to clear our hurts and build a foundation of value for ourselves, knowing that we are truly Sons of God. This greatly facilitates our ability to be able to observe and so come to truth instead of discord. The power of observation dissolves disharmony and brings on understanding.

203. I am finding that to observe life rather than react is a surrender to all that is there to be shared and from that sharing we gain a greater understanding and expansion of the whole moment piece by piece. It is an expansion for us to make a choice and the willingness to see all that is being shared with an open heart.

204. There is such a beauty when you start to express with children and everyone as grown up beings and not pander to either behaviour nor age. We are all adult beings and very wise. Often we tend to treat children as not being able to understand certain things and we think we have to parent them but in many cases it’s actually them that carries the wisdom of many situations and we adults are the ones that can learn a lot from their innocent and open approach to life. If they are not met with this or allowed the space it’s easy for them to shut down and live in reaction to life and we get to see the retaliation in forms of certain challenging behaviours. But it’s just them showing that they don’t feel met.

205. I often find that reactions stem from a picture I have of how life is supposed to be and when it’s not like that I can react, instead of accepting and observing.

206. “To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.” This can be very challenging at times, I always go into situations with the intent to not react, but it does happen. I am finding that it is in going deeper and understanding why have I reacted, what is it that I have felt that I may not want to, or feel. It is in that process of choosing to feel more deeply what is really going on, that can assist us in not reacting to the same things next time.

207. Observing life whilst being fully engaged with it is the key to not absorbing it all and thus drowning in a false way to be.

208. Thank you Anonymous. I have found that my reactions stop me from seeing situations clearly. Reaction goes hand in hand with blame and when I begin to start blaming anyone and anything else for the way I feel I end up in more trouble than ever.

209. Prior to coming to Universal medicine I had studied and learned many psychological, mental, physiological and energetic methods of cutting down the severity of reactions in life. Pretty much all of them involved numbing or distancing myself from the event.

     I was amazed from day one when Universal Medicine supported me to expand my understanding plus deepen my stillness and connection with my own essence, and this lead to a fundamental change in experience such that I had never experienced before, because not only was I no longer agitated, but I felt more connected with and loving of the person involved, no numbing or cutting off! I was amazed. This increased ability to stay connected with, understanding of and loving towards people and the world has turned my life round.

210. “To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.” This is so amazing this line, reacting to things that happen around us always diminishes who we are. We forget in that instant that we are love, that we hold everyone equally, that we can bring understanding. So being able to observe and not absorb is an incredible life teaching.

     1. Whenever I feel I am in reaction, I observe that the steps that have led me to there did not confirm my own love. And therefore, those steps I would not be choosing to take again. Our “forgetfulness” comes from our choices of moving in a way that is non-confirming and non-appreciating ourselves. And the most awesome thing is, even though we may have moved in a way which may not be confirming at times, we can still choose right at that moment to move right there back to Love and not wallow in what we call mistakes. The depth of what life offers us to learn is inspiring.

211. When I observe myself going into reaction I observe that too and not react on the initial reaction, knowing there is no perfection in observation, and it is not about reaching a goal, but to equip myself with a steadiness that is very supportive in life. Whenever I have reached a certain level, life gives me another level to go to for more.

     1. Wise words Adele. In any given moment we each have the choice as to whether we allow ourselves to feel the depth of what is there, or not. Once we give ourselves permission to ‘feel it all’ we then have the choice whether we react to the situation by way of becoming emotionally involved, or whether we simply respond to it by deeply observing and feeling what exactly is at play. Far from aloofness or detachment, this unattached observation is what helps us steer a steady course through life and gives us the rock solid foundation that allows us to commit whole-heartedly to sharing our true self with the world.

212. Observing and not absorbing is something that I heard presented many, many years ago by Serge Benhayon and on numerous occasions since. I have found it to be an incredibly powerful and valuable teaching that has and continues to transform my life in many wonderful ways.

     1. I don’t think we can ever fully master it as there are always things that slip in, but I have experienced that with a true intent and awareness I am observing more and absorbing less and less. Benefits have included losing a lot of weight (to reach a very healthy weight), increased vitality and health as well as much more understanding, love and fun in my life and lots more – really worth it!

213. I appreciate each and every opportunity in catching myself in reaction, these are moments of gold for me to understand my momentums and where there are still voids for lifelessness to enter, it is wondrous to learn more about myself and to be able to choose if this is a momentum I wish to continue.

214. The responsibility of observation is immense. A few days ago I observed that I was being reactive but I also observed how my partner did not react towards my reactions and in observing that too, what I was being led by dissolved and I was able to be clear of the process as well as to go back and understand what brought me to the reaction. Reflections from each other are very precious and supportive.

215. The more I am learning to observe the more I am becoming aware of how little I do so, how deeply automatic and engrained is the reaction that is sparked inside, or in fact living in one constant reaction. But now with the recognition of the constant reaction and protection comes the freedom to let it go… and in that is possible even greater observation and awareness.

216. Choosing to be the observer through using our forgotten and wonderful 6th sense, clairsentience, is a game-changer. In fact it says ‘no’ to the game of creation. I have been dedicated to observing myself (and others) and what lies underneath every event. Sometimes I am unable to feel what I am carrying from the past but find that if I am willing for this to be revealed it inevitably is, maybe not on the spot, but the revelation comes without fail. The everyday miracles that come as a result of naming and feeling what we carry is spectacular!

     1. Thank you Lyndy. Your comment reminds me how open and light my body feels when I allow myself to playfully observe life.

217. Reaction to a situation only compounds the problem and there is a lack of clarity because we are dealing with emotion.

218. I love this story, it beautifully demonstrates the deeper level of connection we can share with each other if we observe and not absorb. You can see the game we can fall into when we chose to react to emotion and then respond from that same place.

219. I am loving becoming an observer; a far cry from the days when I would go into reaction in an instant and then wonder why everything would begin to escalate, especially the emotions that would bubble up and out of me at great speed. These days if I feel even a hint of going into a reaction I know to stop and observe what is going on around me and inside me, and then take my time to respond, but like any changes in our lives, it often takes time to totally dismantle the old and begin to live the new.

220. A powerful message that shows that even if we may initially react to a situation as soon as we stop and observe without judgement or criticism the truth is revealed. Once we react we are not able to see the truth and bring understanding to the situation because we have laced it in our hurts and pictures of past experiences.

     1. I still react… often. The reactions are less explosive, but nonetheless, I still react. Even when I react, what has changed though, is how I hold myself, rather than going into a full-blown reaction of self-judgement on the reaction, I can now simply acknowledge that I have reacted or express what I am feeling. I truly appreciate the process of being a student in life.

221. Anonymous, this is really interesting, ‘In essence, speaking in reaction like this is our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt.’ i can feel how I have this in my family, that I feel hurt and go into reaction rather than observing and staying practical and so then I have found that if I am in reaction it is impossible to have an open, loving conversation about what is really going on, thank you for making this clear.

222. Observing with no judgement is something I am learning to live, and this naturally helps me to not absorb or go into reaction; bringing in understanding and acceptance helps with this.

223. Having a willingness to understand another allows us to observe and not absorb, it is true responsibility, as when we react we absorb that which is not from our essence affecting the quality of our movements and creating harm instead of healing.

224. When we are in reaction it is always a reaction that we are not in our fullness and we are resisting to take more responsibility to go deeper into more awareness.

     1. And thus ‘reaction’ – if we are being responsible – can be our friend because it is a warning sign of something that we haven’t dealt with. But the key in this is responsibility. Are we prepared to see it as an exposure of an issue in our own choices…or do we stay in the comfort and ease of reaction which enables us to avoid doing our own homework?

225. Throughout my childhood and most of my adult life I gave my power away by absorbing what was going on around me. From this I often felt imprisoned by fear and was not able to see life with clarity or love. In this state I was contributing to the hurts and the unloving choices, cementing them instead of exposing the hurts and choosing to heal. Now, I am learning to observe and not absorb, and it feels very empowering and deeply healing. This is one of many, many amazing tools I have learnt from attending Universal Medicine.

226. Observing is not only making you just receive that what is there to be seen and communicated but it also gives others the opportunity to do the same, to not go into reaction but invited to connect with themselves instead.

     1. Absolutely Nico, by observing life and situations instead of absorbing, we are able to offer clarity, understanding and healing. We are all capable of healing and expressing truth when we simply observe and live from a place of love.

227. The problem with reacting, and trust me I do my fair share of it, is that we immediately reduce our capability to understand a situation in full, for already our perception of the situation is coloured by our frustration or other reaction to what we are seeing.

     1. Exactly, as the reaction increases, the blindness increases.

     2. True Adam – Emotions cloud everything and give justification to continue reacting, even when the issue is way past its ‘sell by date’.

228. It seems like, being an observer you actually ‘see’ more of the whole picture of what is going on, as a reaction narrows down this vision so you only see a part of the whole situation. And in being in the observation of something, you actually have the capacity to meet the other person truly, which gives them to opportunity to arrest and pull them up and out of their reaction of there being a ‘right’ or a ‘wrong’.

229. It is deeply healing to come to a place where you become honest about what you are feeling and take responsibility for your hurts and reactions so to not only not impose them on another but also address and let go of what stands in the way of true communication. A beautiful start to deepen any relationship.

230. Gorgeous blog, there is such a depth of understanding to come to when we choose to observe and allow all to be shared honestly.

231. Taking more responsibility for the source of my reactions has begun to change my relationship with my children. It is amazing and a bit shocking how much I used interactions with them to fill up an emptiness I didn’t want to deal with.

232. Every time I come to read this blog, I always get stopped right after the first paragraph and just pause to allow the gold that has been delivered embody within:
     ‘When we are willing to observe, we are willing to develop a relationship with the world that has no judgement in it. To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us’.

233. This is a beautiful example of what Serge Benhayon has always taught – ‘to observe and not absorb’. Through your choice to observe and not go into your own hurts and stories you were able to bring more understanding and acceptance to your son’s choices that allowed the space and grace for your relationship to naturally deepen – such a powerful reminder to bring this to all our relationships and to feel the magic that comes with this simple choice.

234. An awesome lesson in parenting, although I say that and now feel just how much parenting is really no different to the rest of life really. If we make it about meeting the other person for who they are and giving them the space to feel comfortable with their choices, no judgment, then what you’re offering can be applied to all situations in life.

235. The ability to stand back and simply observe allow the understanding to be there for. It is our reactions and need for something to be another way that often cloud this understanding.

236. We are expecting others to fulfil whatever we need, and when this does not happen… there is the frustration, the sarcasm, the anger or the withdrawing from life kicking in. It is true self love to begin with observing, a healing for all.

237. Anonymous, this is really helpful to read, ‘To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.’ I notice that the days I simply observe and do not take things personally, but stay present and steady that things outside of myself do not affect me, i still feel great no matter what is going on and then there are times when I do take things personally or react to someone or something and I thus feel tired and affected and sad, so for m it is a learning to observe and not absorb consistently, thank you for the reminder.

238. Having the ability to observe and not absorb creates space for another where there is no judgement present, only the understanding that we do what we do as a way of protecting our hurts and not feel what is there to be felt. Within this space we allow another the opportunity to let go of these behaviours and embrace more of their true nature within.

239. Hurt-fuelled over-reaction doesn’t end well. Pausing to observe what has happened and seeking to understand rather than judge lays a foundation for all to evolve. Communication is key, talking to people, expressing how we feel and asking for help when needed. Above all first understand, show appreciation and react less.

240. Once we start to observe our reactions, we can feel how so much of our communication is tainted by the inner turmoil.

     1. Ooo, observing our reactions, an exercise to observe in itself and to deepen the love for myself in multitudes…much to appreciate each and every time.

241. To dedicate oneself to becoming a true observer, to seeing through all the ideals, beliefs, emotions which are not love or true relationship, that is what it means to mature, to grow up at last – otherwise we stay immature, self preoccupied, beings in an adult skin.

242. To be truly observant is perhaps the hardest thing of all, such as we are a slave to our own perception of all things.

243. It is in observation that we stay out of the situation, and are able to observe from the stillness that we innately are.

244. Thank you for this sharing- it helps me to go back and address a situation that I need too and by reading this allows me to look more at my reaction to the situation.

245. It’s so true that we attempt to use reaction to stop us from feeling hurt but the fact is nothing can stop us from feeling what we feel. When I support myself to feel how much something hurts it gives me an opportunity to take responsibility and heal.

246. Children crave this so much, it’s so easy for parents to go into their parent roles and judge children’s choices. However, if we stop to observe the situation, we can learn A LOT from children.

247. Yes – the moment we commit to observe and we feel the absolute importance of that , we know we have a responsibility to stay with us and even though situations might touch hurts, we should never go with them if we want to truly heal them.

248. To be able to observe life is so super important, which we should be allowed to do and learn from very little.

249. We get sucked in so easily to a small view of the world. It’s like we think that being ‘in’ the ups and the downs of the world is what it means to be alive and living life. But this is not true. As you show Anonymous, allowing life to be as it is and observing it without judgment allows us to bring a depth of wisdom and care to our decisions, because we read what is truly there.

     1. Once we feel the interconnectedness with life, remaining myopic is no longer a natural choice.

250. I can see how judgement and expectation in such instances gets us nowhere as the other is often just experiencing a hurt they are not feeling fully comfortable dealing with and often their behaviour although inexcusable is understandable as that is simply how they have known how to deal with such cases in the past. Understanding is the only way of supporting the other to heal this.

251. ‘When we are willing to observe, we are willing to develop a relationship with the world that has no judgement in it.’ And in a world full of judgment regarding our differences in such examples as gender, religion and culture these are wise words indeed.

252. Expressing without reaction is certainly the key; thank you Anonymous for sharing your experience, which is a beautiful example of observing and expressing without reaction.

253. It can be so easy to focus on a persons behaviour but when we look beyond what is presented and to why a person might be behaving in a certain way, there is so much more on offer.

     1. Observing is the basis to understanding, the foundation to being in harmony with ourselves and others. This feels to be an evolving way to live.

254. It seems we have as much to learn from our kids as they have to learn from us. It is so important that we have true and open dialogue with our children which is not always easy to maintain but is well worth the effort.

255. Observation is key in truly meeting people and seeing who they truly are.

256. We start out as a young baby observing whats going on around us, but gradually through life experiences we begin to observe, protect, guard and react which shuts down the natural skill to observe. It would serve us so well, to teach and restore the ability to ‘observe’ rather than absorb to young school children, as this may support greater resilience and develop awareness.

257. I was going to say I find it hard to observe – but that’s not true it’s just an excuse – to not take responsibility.

258. I too am noticing that communication from reacting is a normal way of being for some people, that whenever another feels uncomfortable and it can be over anything they go into protection immediately and by protecting their hurt and not wanting to feel they simply cannot see and understand where the other is coming from. This is my observation and one of my biggest learnings, not to react to another’s reaction to me.

259. Observing is what brings us a true connection with ourselves and others, it breaks down the barriers we hold and see all for what it is. Giving ourself the opportunity to be all that I am.

260. Living in a large city, people communicate with their horns in cars. They are like the safety valve on a pressure cooker, explosively releasing pressure that can’t be contained. The scary thing is how many are just at the point before the release, waiting!

261. When I focus on what is wrong in any of my relationships, I totally side line the opportunity to appreciate how far we have come, how willing we have been to keep developing, talking, supporting… and in this, I dismiss the inspiration and opportunity for everyone involved to continue evolving.

262. What an awesome example of true communication. So many would be inspired by this. The age old habits of going into ‘parenting’ mode whereby it’s all about telling off and making sure the child knows who’s boss etc is blown out of the water here and doesn’t work. This is such a beautiful way to be with your son.

263. I remember as a child feeling outraged at being treated like a child and not respected as adults seemed to respect each other but soon came to realise that this is how it was for kids, so its great for children today to be able to express openly the way your son does with you. I have found this quite difficult as a parent because although a child is just a small adult, often they do come totally from self and behave like they know better when they don’t and if you give them too much lee-way without firm guidance things can go horribly wrong.

     1. I agree kevmchardy, it is incredibly beautiful when children express openly and with no holding back. My daughter has been expressing in detail how she has been feeling recently… it was quite something to hear how much she knows and a beautiful confirmation that kids do know how they are feeling and what is going on around them just as we did when we were children.

264. ‘When we are willing to observe, we are willing to develop a relationship with the world that has no judgement in it.’ This first sentence stops me every time, and yes I have come a long way from judging myself and others harshly, and do have this willingness and commitment to Observe and not react, without perfection of course.

265. The greater I am learning to hold steady the connection with myself, the more clear I am to observe what is playing out before me, the freedom to hold in the space that is offered rather than descend into the obscurity of reaction and misinterpretation where we merely continue to fuel the illusion that is actually playing us at every turn.

266. ‘ It was by being present and being honest about my hurts that I found I could return to being observant by choice.’ through taking responsibility for your reactions and hurts you were able to be observant from a simple choice and so were able to see, read and be open to what was really going on with your son and so your relationship with him deepened and evolved. Beautiful.

267. If we can resist that initial knee jerk reaction of judging someone or something based on our own pictures, ideals and beliefs which comes from our head and allow our bodies to feel and read the whole energetic picture of what is occurring and why, then life becomes so much richer and relationships improve out of sight in my experience.

     1. So true Andrew and so clearly and beautifully expressed.

268. I definitely need to learn to observe more, I react to pretty much everything, it’s exhausting and also I take things personally so can’t see in truth what’s really going on for this person / the energy at play.

269. Observing life is a very power-full way of being and living and as you have demonstrated, it makes space for true connection and expression to occur; as a natural consequence, this way of communicating is then free of the usual reactions and verbal stoushes that would normally ensue.

270. Truly observing any situation or life and not judging either others or ourselves gives us the opportunity to see with much more clarity all that is going on and to feel how to respond that actually helps rather than adding more dis-harmony!

     1. I also find that in the observing there are so many points of inspiration for the way forward, rather than the criticism and judgement that further incarcerates us.

271. It’s true in my experience that the more I observe the more connected I feel with everyone around me.

272. As you say, the observation opens us up to understanding what is happening, rather than judging from our own narrow set of ideals of how it should be.

273. The more I read this blog, the more I see there is a part of me that thinks it’s justified to go into emotions when others also do too. It is like I say ‘If you not willing to be true why on earth should I’? After all these intense experiences are what it means to be alive – right? But what if this is not true as you offer here Anonymous, what if there is a way to live observing all that takes place rather than being controlled by it? Your words make it clear to me that it’s a choice I make to dive into reaction in my life, and one I can change should I choose my light.

274. This article is a reflection of the livingness of grace. The grace to stay steady and to hear another, and the grace of allowing another their choices. Not in the least the grace of allowing the steadiness within to lead the way.

275. The opportunity exists in the world to observe life rather than be at the mercy of it, kind of like a ball on a billiard table. There is another way and through dedication to self it can slowly unfold and be anyone’s new normal.

276. Our reactions are there to offset the evolution otherwise on offer when we are able to express from the love that we are.

277. The vulnerability we allow when let ourselves be transparent and open lets the other person really see us. The guards and walls drop away and instantly there is reconnection – in fact a true intimacy between two people that would otherwise be on opposing sides of a fighting fence. The answer to conflict and disharmony is simple, it is about being honest first with ourselves and then with others about the pains we carry, and let our whole being open up in the willingness to let go of these pains knowing there is a purity within us that is far far greater and more glorious graciously always there, within and beneath.

278. Acknowledging the hurts when they arise heals. Last week I reacted quite badly which I have not done for a while. The following day I expressed I had reacted and that I had felt hurt. At the time the hurt arrogantly justified my outburst but as I expressed how I was feeling and allowed my vulnerability to be exposed I began to let go. Righteously thinking I am right and another is wrong is incredibly abusive not only to another but to myself also. It shows me there is more love to be given to myself and therefore towards another.

279. Observing is so important, for everything!

280. I used to have full blown reaction on all the ways we can think of to not truly express, basically that means not talking to anyone—and in this choice I was also alienating myself. When I chose to befriend myself again in connection and relationship, I began to allow myself to receive understanding as of why such reactive ways of communication are being chosen by most of us—when I did not take it personally anymore, I actually find these opportunities very valuable to read deeper and I also felt so much more openness to let the world in—in honesty, I truly began to love people no matter what their choice of expression is.

281. We can be so quick to jump into reactions such as judgement. I am learning with my children, not to jump to assumption or have expectations of them. It feels like freedom for them and me, to not get so caught up in these reactions.

282. It sad that . . .” speaking with sarcasm, frustration, outrage and with a sense of withdrawal – is an ingrained and normalised way of being.” . . . not only in your city but almost everywhere. When we go hard in our bodies, either by getting frustrated or angry with someone who has hurt us by being hard in their body and disregarding of us all we get is double whammy of hardness and hurt. It is only coming to them with vulnerability that allows them an opportunity to drop everything instead of doubling the hardness/protection and reaction to our coming at them with an equal force.

283. Communicating without reaction – not by suppressing emotion but allowing my vulnerability to be there – it truly feels lovely when I am able to do that.

     1. It is indeed a great beauty Fumiyo to be able to observe even if one is still carrying a hurt, because then that hurt can be honestly known and felt and cleared. It is a brave and transformational choice to observe no matter what.

        1. True observation comes from the eyes of the heart and never solely from the head.

284. So much space opens up when we observe and consider rather than knee jerk react. I am always blown away by what happens when I take responsibility for how I am feeling rather than load it into communication with others. Thank you for this inspiring article.

     1. That’s just what it feels like to me too – space opening up – when I observe and feel rather than knee-jerk react. It’s like I’m giving myself space to get a clearer sense of what’s going on and to choose how I truly want to respond to it, and with that it gives others greater space too to feel what they’re choosing.

285. When we are willing to observe, we are willing to develop a relationship with the world that has no judgement in it. To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us. I love how you describe this Anonymous, this is absolutely true, and so very simple.

286. Life is totally transformed when we observe and don’t react. I have found it helpful to become more and more aware of just how much I react (and often very subtly so no one else would notice and in the past I would not have noticed) and how the whole mechanism works. One clue as to whether I have reacted or not is the quality of my thoughts. If I simply observe I see things as they are and have one kind of thoughts. If I react I do not have access to that awareness and am given a completely different set of thoughts!

     1. The hardest situation for me to remain in observation is when I have an attachment to someone or something, as there is an expectation that I want. These are situations when I am offered great opportunities to choose and be love—self-love first and foremost–as love is an observation without need, just a forever beholding.

        1. Beautiful Adele, yes I have found having expectations is often showing me a need I’ve placed outside of myself on another, that I’m not giving myself.

287. To observe and not absorb has to be one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves, and in turn to all others. I do not see those I find most challenging as my greatest teachers but in truth they are for they give me the opportunity to stay centred and heartfelt in the darkest scenarios.

288. I can feel how amazing it is when we express to each other and how this has opened up a different level of communication. I also feel that an honesty and trust is built and is cementing the relationship so nothing can come up between me and others. This way of living has taken away judgement and criticism of myself and others. Building amicable relationships I feel started with me learning to express things with an open honesty.

289. This is one that I am continually working on each and every day. To read situations, people and the like, to not react but observe. Bringing understanding and to be able to let people, get to what they need to in their own time.

     1. To let go of self, to not take things personally, to let go of expectations and to simply trust in my self-worth to allow Soul to express through me brings me back to an observational state.

290. I was reminded recently by a very wise person, to come from my origins, of me being absolutely amazing and working my way back to whatever issue or challenge I am in, from that foundational truth. When I stated who I was first, my whole body fired up and opened up the space to see/feel clearly what was needed to be seen/felt.

291. I find the most challenging this is to not go into reaction when another is dumping their feelings on me, yet in not reacting that is where the most clarity is felt and often allows the other person to open up to what it is that is going on for them. It is good to see this from both sides as sometimes i may be the one dumping, ultimately being understanding of how that feels for another is of most importance to allow me to take more responsibility for how I act in every situation.

292. I would much rather observe life from my clarity than absorb it and then try to seek my way out of the fog I have allowed in.

293. Observation… What a key it is to unraveling our myriad of dysfunctional interactions in life and in their place have a constant and solid connection with who we truly are, and as a consequence of this bringing clarity and reconnecting to the table from which everyone can be nurtured.

294. Great explanation about the hurts that lie behind and drive our emotional reactions. It’s true that our culture is hard-wired to have us keep our hurts unexpressed, ensuring we’re all in some form of reaction to or withdrawal from someone most of the time simply because of our lack of expression. The alternative, observation, is indeed a choice in the moment, requiring commitment . Your personal account of this and the quality of conversation and connection that is possible from it is an inspiration to get started.

295. Being an observer offers a powerful reflection to others. Without saying anything, people tend to become more aware of what they are doing so long as we are just observing and not judging the situation and are therefore able to hold them with loving understanding. Any ounce of imposition sets off a reaction in us or them as we immediately create a separation by making one party superior, according to our pictures. For example, if I observe someone and think they should be doing something different because it does not match my picture of who I think they should be, then my reaction will be imposing and it may cause a reaction for they wll feel it even if I don’t express it in words, If, on the other hand, I think they are better off than me I might react by feeling jealousy, anger, or self-doubt. None of this is true.

296. Not only have I found it invaluable when I ‘observe’ a situation instead of jumping in both feet and getting swept with the dynamics at play (which is usually also often fueled by my own emotions, expectations and judgments), but I know this is also immensely supportive for other people. I know this because I have experienced being at the receiving end.
     When I witness someone remain still, connected to their essence regardless of what is going on, this has a huge impact for me – even when I have already lost myself in reaction. It offers me the space to see how my reaction is way over the top, it reminds me that I too have another choice – and significantly because they are observing and not getting caught in the situation, they are able to see things more clearly and can reflect what I need to hear should I ask them for it.

297. I know for me that often when I get presented a problem or an issue from another the energy behind the way it is expressed is more what is heard than the actual details of the problem itself. If someone is communicating in anger we can feel it even if their words do not seem to reveal it so. It is this that can trigger a reaction in another person even if the person expressing their issue or problem is only thinking they are doing just what they say and nothing more.

     1. A very astute point. Something I experienced recently too.

298. Beautiful to re-read this today.

299. 10 years ago I would have said I was an observer, however after understanding the presentations by Serge Benhayon and a little more applied self-honesty, I have come to understand that my ‘observation’ was in fact a withdrawal from life rather than detachment, more a perceived hurt, reaction to, dismissing of, protection from, guardedness, and lack of commitment to all people and to life in general. What that reflects to the world is a justification for them to hold the same.

     1. Great pint Annie when we close down it is permission for another to do the same. Same same if we sparkle and don’t hold back how gorgeous we are.

     2. Love the honesty here Annie. Thank you

300. When we are fully present and we observe a situation rather than getting all involved we are in actual fact expressing more of our self than if we enjoin and are immersed in conversation and in the drama.

     1. Love this Kathleen! Expressing more with ourselves being in our presence.

301. There is a danger in thinking that to be observant is to purely be rational and reasoning from the mind. True observation comes from being able to feel what is going on in the world as much in conjunction with the mind. This is called contemplation, when the two are used together – in other words you use your mind to contemplate on what you had clearly felt in a situation.

     1. I love your wisdom Adam, when do we get to read a book from you?

302. Being able to stay the observer – not jumping in to fix, rescue, change for the better, etc… all those very tempting reactions that cloud any true response – brings an incredible love and wisdom, and a presence that can be felt way before any words are said.

303. Today was a good example for me of being an observer of myself. That is, an on observer of my foibles and woo-woos and even though uncomfortable and icky to be in, it is still possible to observe and not get caught up in it.

304. There is so much honouring, space and respect in observing; letting others make their choices whilst taking responsibility for our own; in fact I have come to see this as the common sense that has freed me from the chaos of reaction and the need to control others.

305. I keep coming back to this blog with my continual journey to not absorb and react and it is very supportive to read “.Inspired by the body’s wisdom to continuously feel and express deeper in commitment to observing, understanding and not absorbing life.” such wisdom shared lovingly.

306. I find with observation that if I allow myself to see the bigger picture, and understand that there is much more at play than what is being seen on the physical surface, then I can come to understanding and let go of reaction. Life is truly a game of energy.

307. Being an observer is all about letting another make their own choices and learn from them, and also allowing ourselves to make our own choices and learning from them too! It is about not judging and not criticising but it is all about bringing understanding to the process and simply being with it. Observing is about not interfering, but always simply being with what is happening around us – a quality that I can certainly work on and develop more and more!

308. I love the sharing and how you describe going into patterns of hurt and what happened when you did not react but observe and allow. I had an opportunity lately as well to go into reaction or not with a friend where I felt excluded from something.In overcoming my reaction I was able to feel how much anxiousness is there still in her to be left out and not be seen and equally I was able to see those patterns in me as well. This lead to a deeper understanding of her instead of judging her.

309. This is still very much a work in progress for myself, to observe and not absorb, this is what will really help us as a humanity to truly evolve.

310. To observe is to allow an extraordinary sense of space and understanding to come into our lives, our every interaction.

311. Choosing observation is a gradual process and acceptance of the body to be responsible in expressing the naturalness of what is harmony.

312. Not going into reaction and overwhelming our senses, leaves us free to feel from our bodies and respond or not.

313. When we are willing to observe, we are willing to develop a relationship with the world that has no judgement in it. To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us. Being able to observe brings true equality and an understanding of others and situations. If there is no understanding, things can become complicated, emotional or reactive, and then there is no opportunity for evolution or change.

314. Anonymous, your interaction with your son is a lovely example of how people can open up when we just observe and do not judge or react. We then give people space to be themselves because we are not imposing our expectation/disappointment on them, we are not controlling them to fit our picture of what we think is right.

315. It is beautiful and very touching to experience another express what they are truly feeling when it comes from their heart, particularly when this has not been their usual way of communicating. The more we do this ourselves, the more it inspires others to do the same.

316. “It was by being present and being honest about my hurts that I found I could return to being observant by choice”. Presence and honest, a powerful combination to aid and support not getting caught in the ‘small stuff’ that can often distract us from actually feeling what is important.

317. When we actually observe life we see it. When we react to life, we only see what we want to see and what feeds our reactions.

     1. So well said Katerina, I completely agree with what you have shared. Observing life gives one the space to see clearly and develop understanding.
        Reacting makes it all about me getting it right!

318. It is beautifull to read the sharing of how observation keeps us away from reaction and allows space to understand and not judge. Thank you for sharing!

319. Observation allows a deeper level of awareness where we can meet another without judgement but a firm holding from our soul.

320. Speaking in reaction not only hurts us but also hurts others. I keep learning this from my reactions and seeing how much they impact everyone else around us too.

321. Thank you for this timely blog, Anonymous, as another day with my gorgeous son dawns and the opportunity to observe in my relationship with him and all around me begins anew.

322. When we are willing to observe, we are willing to develop a relationship with the world that has no judgement in it. Yes, I am working on observing and not taking on other’s stuff, as I have become aware that that can lead me also into judgement…..and with judging there is no understanding of the bigger picture and there is no love.

323. Learning how to observe without judgment is one that I have been learning to master and what I have come to understand is that the judgment I had for others is actually what I have for myself first. This was a sobering moment for me and then I could see that I had so many ridiculous expectations on myself and that I should know everything already, trying to prove to myself I was worth something. By learning to accept who I am and that I am actually amazing has given me the space and grace to be and in doing so allows all those around me the same space and grace to be.

324. ‘In essence, speaking in reaction like this is our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt.’
     Yes, and the reaction totally gives away the fact that we are hurt and doesn’t actually hide it.

325. If it is one thing that helps us reduce frustration and increase understanding it is observation! One thing I have noticed of late is that all around society we express little bits of frustration with each other, when really we could be offering service from something we have mastered.

326. “To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.” When we have a reaction to a situation we are actaully absorbing an energy into our bodies that is harmful to us, as well as being harmful to the other person by virtue of the fact that we are not giving them an opportunity to understand that there is another way to be. Whereas by observing, we are offering something different. In this instance there is a reflection for something else, a steadiness and acceptance that there is another way, and that there is no ‘need’ to hang on to something that does not support us.

327. It strikes me that when we are able to observe without judgment or over involving ourselves in other’s situations we can develop true compassion for another and even ourselves.

328. If we react to a situation we are equally contributors to the problem that we have reacted.

     1. I agree it is amazing how much we can be in reaction to something saying someone should not have done this or that yet be calling on exactly the same source of energy so only adding to it. We then when we next see that person tend to hold them in that past situation rather than the love that they are. Reacting to situations never helps and only makes things worse.

     2. Spot on Michael Brown and there is less room for understanding that is paramount in building quality relationships.

329. It is so important to develop our awareness so we cease adding to the pool of reaction that affects the world.

     1. Well said Vanessa!

330. The power of observing is the highest form of detachment and allowing things to just be.

331. Expressing our truth is key to developing understanding and deepening our connection with each other. How great it is to afford ourselves and others such space to bring themselves out in full.

332. A sobering and key point of awareness for us all. Thank you, Katie.

333. I keep coming back to this article because it supports me to remember in my daily interactions with children how important it is to respect, listen and respond to every situation, rather than shoot from the hip loaded with my reactions and limited understanding (one sided until I have heard from the other)…

     There is also the inspiration of seeing others as equal regardless of age. This alone if embraced would change our world dramatically.

334. To communicate without reaction, in a potentially hurtful situation, the connection deepens, we are able to verbalise and share more of our feelings, and then understand and appreciate one another more deeply.

335. Life for me has become much simpler as I take away the questions about others and what they are up to.

336. “… In essence, speaking in reaction like this is our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt.” This has been a pivotal realisations I have come to, just staying in observation mode before expressing allows connection to deepen and often this dissolves the picture I have attached, that caused the reaction, that brought up a hurt.

337. I’ve read this blog a few times and every time this part stands out “immediately my understanding of him deepened because we were communicating with words rather than with just outbursts of emotions followed with periods of non-communication.” You remind me how important it is to communicate from our hearts to the best of our ability. Withdrawal and reaction is a communication but it does not serve anyone and is detrimental to relationships.

338. What I love about your blog is how it clearly shows how everything in life is perfectly setup to support us to to grow and evolve, that no matter how much something may “push” our buttons perhaps it is there for us to learn that in truth it is us choosing to allow those buttons to be pushed, and thus our choice to observe or fly off the handle.

339. I find observation to be closely and intricately woven with our willingness to be open, real and let all others in no matter what. Holding onto hurts or issues is what stops us from being open to observe. And hence the power of manipulation that is behind this. If someone does not want us seeing something, simply hurt us enough to shut us away from wanting to see it

340. The feeling within me is totally and utterly different between the two: when I am able to simply observe, unattached and know what is at play..than when I find myself reacting because of a held expectation or hurt that I’ve not addressed. This really brings home the point that its never the other or outer, but ourselves that invite the reaction.

341. When we can let go of any attachment of another (for example wanting them to be a certain way or do something etc) then it is a very liberating experience. But I have found that sometimes it is not that easy to do! It is like I have hidden agenda in me that just wants to take over and rule the show. But if and when I am able to silence this agenda and just allow things to be as they are, then I find myself so freed and so much more open to what may come next, it is like it (the outcome) does not matter (not that I don’t care, but that it just does not seem to matter so much). I guess I could say I am working on applying this more and more.

342. It’s interesting to observe that when we become more accustomed to observing we can observe ourselves right in the middle of a reaction and clock it well before it is over!

343. I feel we are forever working on our expression and observing is a big part of that. The more I express in full the more I am able to let go of outcomes and therefore it allows me the space to Observe. This is a cool experiment I can always work on.

344. When we feel whole and safe within ourselves we can risk speaking the truth and holding and observing another. What a gift this is because it opens up the gates for more and more honest expression and gives both parties the experience of just being themselves and feeling safe without judgement – an amazing opportunity.

345. “To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.” – a great reminder for me today! The key is to catch myself the moment I go into a reaction and instead come back to a breath that allows me instead to just be and watch and from here learn more about the situation, whilst letting go of any investments that I might hold.

346. “When we are willing to observe, we are willing to develop a relationship with the world that has no judgement in it.” No judgment offers space and understanding of the what is truth and the what is not truth which brings clarity to what is next that is supportive to all equally.

347. It’s amazing how much energy comes back to us, the vitality we feel when we observe life instead of absorbing it. It’s the absorbing of life that actually exhausts us.

348. Being able to observe and not absorb life, is a huge loving choice to make for our bodies that only want to support us to the enth degree, and going into reaction simply brings tensions that we just don’t need and that just take us away from our own love. When we react, it’s pretty clear, we are not appreciating the person or situation.

349. ‘It was by being present and being honest about my hurts that I found I could return to being observant by choice.’ – Very true, and staying open, truly open is the key.

     1. Openness is the most direct way for me to return to my true self. And yet this is what the world tries to criticize and snuff out because it is a choice we can all make to be responsible.

350. How many of us have become voyeurs of life, watching but never participating? The observer, as you have aptly described, has an active relationship with the world we live in without judgment! Is it time to get off sitting on the fence and watching the world pass by?

351. Choosing to observe and to not absorb all that is around us is “to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.” This really is the key life guideline, to not react to those around us, when we feel the impacts of their unloving behaviours, it is to hold firm within ourselves, allow them to be where they are and not judge them, but love them.

352. When I am presented with any situation (most particularly with family which has been so emotionally charged for so long) I have noticed the difference between reacting immediately or affording myself, sometimes just a nano second of space to observe and consider what is going on and whether I want to add to it or not. This article is an inspiration about the power of observation in building open, honest, supportive, respectful relationships and shows that when I can see beyond the end of my nose and everything spinning on my axis, then huge changes can take place.

353. Wouldn’t it be great to learn as a child, the skills of observation, as then this would provide a great foundation to the life ahead of the child. Observing and being able to articulate feelings, then allows one to be in a position to understand and bring greater clarity and wisdom to life. For some they may be naturally born with this skill, some may walk through life without this skill, but for some, this starts later on in life, and still it brings the time and opportunity to produce incredible U-turns to previous choices made in life. When this does happen, this give a true understanding to the description of ‘growing-up’.

354. It can be so easy to get caught up in what is going on around you or what we are doing that we loose sight of allowing ourselves the space to view the world and everything in it. This is one that I keep bringing myself back to and feeling how important and empowering this truly is. Observing and not taking things on.

355. The role we all play in reacting and not simply observing causes much harm and stress in ourselves and the world . It is only through clear observing and not reacting that we allow true understanding and a harmony in the world to take place. Our responsibility in this is essential and loving for all as is healing and letting go of our hurts.

356. Observing creates such a spaciousness and freedom in my body. The moment I re-act in comes the tension and the quality of my thoughts change.

357. Having a willingness to observe, and a willingness to develop a relationship with the world without judgement gives a great opportunity to catch the reaction before it catches us. It creates a space for us, a pause to choose which way to respond. Your example is very practical to demonstrate the difference this can make and the continuing changes that brings to any situation resulting in a totally different outcome from what a reactive response brings.

358. When we offer our children the space where they know that they will be listened to we are offering them the key to their true expression. And this expression will then come with honesty and trust as they realise that they are not being judged but acknowledged for who they are and respected for what they have to say. We may not always agree with what is shared but in offering them this space and simply listening we have began to build a foundation that will support and expand the relationship between us more strongly than ever before.

359. Letting go of pictures of how we or another should or shouldn’t be is a needed step to move on in life and to develop true connections with others.

360. Every opportunity of observation is a marker to be appreciated, this builds a foundation for us to keep observing in situations a bit more challenging to the body. Everything is everything, there is a natural tendency to move towards a universal way. Therefore every opportunity when we are not ready to embrace observation is to be appreciated and expressed too.

361. ‘To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us’ – Pondering this statement has exposed a momentum in my thought processes that slips in even before I am aware that it is happening and it all has to do with passing judgement via what I see with my eyes rather than allowing understanding and truth to make itself known first. This is not a revelation for me as I have been aware of how judgement can slip in but what I am blown away by is the speed of which this occurs and what has been setup prior to my awareness kicking in that is powerful. The understanding of and the ability to observe is an absolute blessing and allows for the most beautiful openness of heart. Thanks Anonymous.

362. When we react to something we make a situation all about ourselves and prevent ourselves from seeing what that situation is truly offering us in terms of what we can learn and understand about ourselves and others. We miss the opportunity to evolve.

363. I get really tired and exhausted from reacting, absorbing and blaming other people, basically I am not taking responsibility for loving myself and being with my body. I spend a lot of time in my head. There is a lot to learn for us all, but I do know how amazing it is to live and how much more joyful and harmonious life would be if we observed and didn’t impose our stuff on one another or try to control situations. I have just had a scenario where I could have reacted, but in reading the title of this blog made it me realise what was happening at the other end was another person or peoples reaction. I too often have given my power away and not claimed myself, dismissed my feelings, but no longer, I am not perfect and need to work on this but honouring myself by observing life, life then becomes very simple, clear and joyful.

364. A very great sharing Anonymous. There are many parents who have children and young adults who will be inspired by your ability to connect to your son without reaction and as you say “be an observer” instead. This then opens many doors in our relationships with others.

365. This blog describes beautifully how we can always go deeper in our expression and intimacy with others when we just allow another to be without judgement but be present with an openness and curiousity.

366. As soon as I react, there is no way I can feel what is needed, or how to move through a situation without complication. Everything just gets messy and there is no love to support and help you through it, hence, feeling alone or unsupported and unable to make a decision.

367. Realising that I have had the opportunity to observe in this way for some years now and yet have not got to this point has highlighted further the investment that I have had in the reactions of others and indeed my own reactions and attachment to the way things are in the world.

368. When we react first, the first thing we lose is our observation!

     1. Had a brilliant experience of that this afternoon Steve when I was trying to get my Internet back on. After sitting on call-waiting for three quarters of an hour and then getting cut off, finally getting back on and then a further hour on a mind-bending call with someone whose accent I found difficult to understand, I was beginning to feel a reaction coming on, but I caught it before it could take hold of me, and kept my observer and we both seemed to come to a good place with what was happening, with plenty of observation and appreciation. That was pioneering work for me!

369. “To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.” To be able to receive the truth of what is happening we need to be able to read what is going on for the person/the people involved and/or the situation, then we can bring the understanding.

370. Thank you Anonymous. As I read this blog I could feel how I have accepted reaction as a part of life as there is rarely space between things they trigger my hurts and the resulting reaction. You have inspired me to become more aware of my hurts so that I too can observe situations and not take the actions of others personally.

371. What an amazing opportunity for you both for if you had reacted and gone into what he should have done without any understanding why there would have been a whole other out play and one that would have left you both closed down and upset. Such a great sharing and that we have the opportunity to always learning how to communicate openly with others and bring understanding.

372. Observation is key to living life free of reactions and judgement. Observation allows us to consider life and to understand others and requires us firstly to accept ourselves and from here, all before us.

373. A world that has no judgement in it; now that would be an amazing world to live in. It would mean that we all simply observed and chose to not react to anything we receive through our senses, and we would all feel a deeper understanding of what is around us. We can start living in this way from the wisdom we know in our bodies, by observing and not reacting to whatever is around us, and feel how this can develop and grow.

374. Hear hear.. what is there for us to feel when we observe and the golden opportunities of healing that than are chosen to occur. It is the love we set for ourselves – that leads the way, our way in healing and the understanding and holding of others.

375. To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.’ and when we find that the deeper meaning we are left in the richness of a deeper love.

376. ‘When we are willing to observe, we are willing to develop a relationship with the world that has no judgement in it’. this small statement holds the key to love and joy returning to earth, and us returning to where we came from. We are, en masse, kept a prisoner by indulging in continual waves of emotional reaction and judgment. Observation is where the future of humanity is at.

377. Being an observer gives you more space to truly see what is there in front of you and then choose to act or not if the situation calls for it, instead of going in head first in reaction or whatever other emotion you have taken on.

378. Even with the simplest things in life, when I react and entertain emotions, judgment and thoughts of what should and shouldn’t be, I get caught in a spiral that does not allow clear understanding of the situation. When I do take the care to catch myself and instead observe the situation, the whole situation opens up to a possibility to deepen my understanding and relationship with life and to feel the next loving step required to offer everyone an opportunity to expand. This blog is a wonderful reminder.

379. Being an observer allows us the opportunity to get to know our true essence and don’t get caught up in the distractions or reactions that would normallly takes us away from the fullness that we are.

380. ‘Immediately many thoughts flooded my mind, such as “How could he?”, “What?!?”, “Is he okay?” etc., but without reacting to these thoughts I stayed with myself and simply observed.’ Reading this I realise that I can judge myself for even having these thoughts in the first place. Accepting that I have these thoughts and allowing myself to observe them, staying centred and allowing myself to feel whatever comes up without reaction brings understanding and a true choice as to how to respond.

381. Being and observer is something that we can all learn how to do a lot more. There would be far less emotive and over the top interactions and behaviours. There would be far less, arguing and a lot more understanding.

382. Observing a situation allows me to stay detached and not get caught up in the emotion of it and thus go into reaction – something I continually practise. They say practice makes perfect! I’m not struggling for perfection but do appreciate when I manage to understand, observe and respond rather than react emotionally.

383. Understanding is limitless when we connect to ourselves, observe and accept life.

384. There is so much power in being the observer in allowing the situation to run its own course. I have been guilt of running a hundred miles an hour to get the results I wanted and being impatient with others. This blog is a timely reminder that waiting, observing and commenting with bucket loads of understanding brings quality to our relationships and deepens our connections.

385. ahh, the science of living.

386. It has been said above and I agree that getting frustrated with life is very linked to wanting to control it and it not turning out exactly as it planned, even joyful gatherings. Often i have found when being in observation and not trying to control any given situation it always turns our 1000 + times better than If I was trying to recreate a scene.

387. when we allow ourselves to observe and not react we choose to use the space there always is to bring understanding. While we choose to contract when we choose to react, it is that which brings the hurt, not allowing ourselves to see the truth.

388. A great blog as to observe life and allow understanding to situations is the key and something that takes acceptance and honouring of ourselves first. What an important learning and way of living for us all.As you share “To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us”.

389. When I override the knowingness to give space and respond to a situation and instead fire off an email in reaction it always ends up badly, as you share though perhaps the reason for doing this that there is a hurt that I still hold onto. The choice is always to respond and follow my body or not, what I can confidently say is when I do go with the body I’ve never been let down.

     1. When I truly connect with my body, there are truly never any issues, concerns and worries. 🙂

390. To observe life, one must deeply accept all that they are and accept all that they receive on a moment to moment basis. To observe life brings untold understanding and infinite wisdom.

391. To me, observation is our natural response to the world. It is our un-dealt with hurts that cloud and muddy the otherwise clear waters of what we see in our observations, thus leading to reactions.

392. Our relationships with one another are the lynch pin around which our return to Love and Truth revolve. While relationships are exploitative, self-centred, abusive, careless and loveless, there can be no evolution and growth. Becoming the observer and bringing in true understanding is the first step towards our future . . . which is living in Brotherhood together – and More!

393. ‘Because there was no judgement, my son communicated openly that he did go to his class..’ It is so important that we recognise that judgment comes from the feeling that we are either right or wrong, which is instilled in us from a very young age, especially when we get to school. Instead when we can recognise that there is no right or wrong, simply moments that offer opportunities for greater awareness we can let go of investments or the need to prove ourselves and allow ourselves to be open to what our choices have been about and to get to any hurts that have precipitated them. With this lack of judgement we are able to be much more honest and open about things, a much more healthy way to respond.

394. “To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.” Putting this into practice has been one of the major contributors to feeling life as a more even constant – where before I would have been moved by the swell of emotion in reaction to ‘life events’.

395. How many family lives are filled with “outbursts of emotions followed with periods of non-communication”? I know mine was as a child, with simmering emotions unexpressed and building so that it felt like living in a pressure cooker. I can see now that simply observing this outplay, and even talking through how I felt about it, would have made a huge difference.

     1. Absolutely Janet – the opportunity to express brings so much more understanding to what has taken place, how we may feel about it and the ability to let go. We cannot ever underestimate the power of true expression.

396. Anonymous, it is very beautiful to feel the steadiness and lack of judgment in how you were with your son, allowing him the space to be honest and open up. This is a great way to live as a parent, rather than being in reaction and up and down emotionally depending on what is going on with our children.

397. I can feel how I have used the ‘observer’ position as a way to hide and not engage in life, but what I feel described here is totally different. A way of living where I am in life engaging but not taking on or over investing in life being a particular way.

398. It’s exactly what the world needs – understanding and observation. It is the judgement upon judgement that has been a great cause of the world to withdraw and be in the mess it is currently in.

399. “To observe is a choice” as is a reaction. We choose our behaviours. Why we choose them is for us to work through and through doing this we come to understand that this is the same for others. With this understanding we can see when we react it will inflame or perpetuate a situation. But when we react it all of a sudden becomes all about us and our own investments in something. Learning to observe in this world of reaction on reaction is a true gift.

400. To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us. Yes anonymous, staying the observer and just moving in a way that keeps you with your body and not into your head, enables us to really feel and use all of our senses in a unencumbered and open way.

401. ‘I immediately appreciated how far we have come and the quality of the connection between us’. Appreciation is such an important and undervalued part of our lives. It consolidates our love and helps us expand, breaking the bonds of our false creation.

402. Learning to observe and not react is the key but not always easy. I have a situation at the moment where I am sort of a mediator in an on going battle of wills and it is very hard to stay the observer and not start banging heads.The generation gap between these two makes things all the more difficult as one is from the era of respect your elders no matter what they do or where they are coming from and the other is from we are all equal no matter what age and we all deserve the same respect.

403. I can really relate to speaking from a reaction rather than observing. Part of it for me feels like my wanting to have control and not allowing the other person to be who they are choosing to be. Under my need to control I can feel that i am protecting my hurts. A great sharing.

404. Observing is such a support for developing understanding and wisdom, when we react we cut ourselves off from the situation and everything that it is offering us to grow. If we react and then hold onto the hurt we can be stunting ourselves from further growth, and often for long periods.

405. I like this article because reaction wastes so much energy and causes so much conflict

406. ‘It was by being present and being honest about my hurts that I found I could return to being observant by choice.’ The willingness to be honest about our hurts feels crucial as it offers us a stop moment in which we can choose between reacting and responding to the situation in front of us.

407. I find to observe a situation allows me to express from truth but when I react I express from the reaction which then just adds to the imbalance of a situation and that doesn’t allow growth or harmony.

408. Life takes on a richer feel when we become the observer instead of delving head first into the emotions of a situation.

409. It is quite a skill to be able to stay the observer when strong emotions are roused within us, yet if we are able to stay with ourselves and be steady while we feel these things, we afford our selves a great opportunity to understand, appreciate and let go. An awesome example to our children to enable them to see how to handle ourselves when disturbed and to not allow that disturbance to dominate our choices or the affect the quality of the relationship.

410. “In essence, speaking in reaction like this is our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt.” What strikes me about this powerful sentence is how we don’t want to admit that we are hurt with such honesty that is necessary to heal it because the world around us (especially as a man) tells us to “be strong and tough” and admitting a hurt would expose a weakness in us that could be deemed by others to be a failure of sorts. But what I have noticed is how when I am able to stay calm as an observer, such as with an emotional outburst by someone else, it’s like I am able to see through the issue that triggered the outburst and gain an understanding of what lead to it, as opposed to the times when I would react and go into judgement of the person because I felt hurt by what they said and did not want to feel that hurt.

411. This is a beautiful foundation for a parent/child relationship… the respect and acceptance of someone’s choices, a willingness to communication openly and taking responsibility not to be triggered by reactions. Thank you.

     1. I agree it is truly love when we can hold someone in the love that are irrespective of their choices. The more we can do this without judging them or going into rescue them or being in sympathy with them the easier it will be for them to see their choices are not from and with love and so they will get the reflection and the opportunity to change.

412. Observing is something I to this day have not mastered. Yet I am becoming more and more aware of the pain and harm that reaction has on others as it flows first inwardly and then outwardly. Making a choice to stay the observer is not hard at all yet the move to react is a path well worn and configured that it becomes a default at times that is easy to fall into. Observing affords one space, a base camp of sorts that allows the next steps to be held steady and supported.

413. “…speaking in reaction … is our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt…” This is a statement that brings everything to a stop, and a moment to surrender to the truth. To observe reactions and then to remember this simple truth most definitely has the capacity to defuse tension and bring greater understanding

414. Being able to observe, to come to a place within where this is possible, will always re-configure our lives and is a doorway to a totally different paradigm of living.

     1. Beautifully said. Our observation of life allows us to not absorb that which is going on around us. There will always be ‘stuff’, but how we deal with it goes hand in hand with the level in which we can observe and not get caught up.

415. “To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.” This is such an amazing gift to develop and changes life completely taking out all the angst and stress and simply allowing a flow in life without getting ourselves and everything in the way. Very inspiring.

416. Our ability to understand life is ironically very tied in with our ability to be frustrated by life. Frustration at its source stems from our need to control life, to achieve a desired outcome, and when that desired outcome is not achieved, we of course get frustrated. But in that frustration, we are doing more than just be frustrated. We are in fact limiting our ability to truly understand what is going on, and we cannot truly observe, because we are so invested in a preconceived outcome. Thus true observation can only occur when we detach from our need for any predetermined outcome in any given situation.

     1. And, during this whole process of frustration our entire body contracts. Our observation becomes narrowed through squinted eyes till we lose sight of the original problem. How can we observe, when we become part of the problem?

417. The wisdom you have shared here anonymous is valuable beyond measure. To honor your own feelings and the feelings of others is the best way to stay observant and not react but to respond lovingly as your example describes. Not taking things personally and observing life lovingly helps our relationships no end and that is something we all could improve on.

     1. It’s a form of true respect.

418. ‘… In essence, speaking in reaction like this is our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt.’ Well said Anonymous , great to deeply consider this.

419. The power of observation is quite amazing, I used to think how can that be, its too simple. Yet these days i appreciate that with simplicity comes great power. From being caught up to having some space to deal with whatever is infront of us in a way that seems we have forever yet may only be a few seconds. To me observation takes away the whole current concept of time and pressure of this.

420. This is something I am yet to re-master, but I do know it changes life, other peoples lives, my body, how I feel, live and relate to life and people completely. There is way much more freedom, fun, joy and lightness in my body and life when i choose to observe it. The question I ask is what do I get from absorbing it, stimulation, drama, which all takes me away from stillness. There is no complication in stillness, just absolute clarity, black and white, a simple yes or no and absolute knowingness. So why would we/ I not want this – Responsibility – we would or I would have to be far more responsible for everything I felt and not act so selfish and needy. There would be no ‘me’. Everything would be done for everybody. I wouldn’t waste time, indulge or do things that aren’t or weren’t needed.

421. What I didn’t appreciate is that I am constantly observing. Being able to let myself see things for what they truly are and not take on what is going on around me is such a key element to life that I keep refining from moment to moment.

     1. We are all always feeling and I know for me, as you have shared, the appreciating of the observation I have developed is important and to also not allow any second guessing or doubt or giving away power of that has also been huge for me.

     2. So cool to clock this, the fact that we are always observing… it brings a respect, awe and honour to my relationship with everything.

422. For me, having a deeper understanding of what is going on in the world around me, allows me to recognise and accept what is going on. There is always a bigger picture, and even if we can’t see the bigger picture but understand that there is one, frees us from the expectations of how we think life (and people) should be and accept our responsibility for our own life.

     1. That ability to 1. Remember that there is always a bigger picture and 2. To know or have a sense of it – is a very great one to have in our awareness.

423. Being able to observe life and not absorb it is something that I personally am still working on. Being about to allow others to be where they are, not react when you feel they are reacting is a constant development each and every day. To have to ability to leave them in their stuff in need be, to not feel like we have to rescue or fix whatever is presenting.

     1. There are so many areas in life to bring observation to. I find that I am really great and solid in some areas or circumstances yet have some to still work with and look at by bringing more presence and depth to my body, connection to myself and dealing with any unresolved hurts that I notice pop up – so it’s all of me observing with no holes for any interference or reaction to play out.

424. When we get caught up and overly involved, reacting to a situation, its like we get neck high in mud so we cant see anything else. But when we observe we stand outside of the mud and so can see both it and everything else, all the details we miss when we get stuck in the mud that allow us to make better choices from the big picture

     1. And the syncing outside and observing in allows for a clarity to be brought to the muddy situation yet when we are in the mud we ourselves become muddy and feel ‘as clear as mud’ leaving us then not truly offering any way forward that is supportive.

425. What seems influential about this story is that the lack of reaction to your son’s choices could possibly make him less reactive to his art teacher in the future, as he has been shown that reflection that responding emotionally need not be there, and thus may be able to detach emotion and observe the energy of future encounters and what is really at play. Whether or not this occurs the very lack of reaction is such a positive display of power and love.

     1. Absolutely this could be very true as true reflection is so powerful. This moment could offer so many opportunities to how he deals with any situations with any people in the future that many be pulling the reaction strings. A blessing really.

426. Emotions and our images of how things ‘should’ look like are so debilitating. When I get caught in them I no longer seem to see the flow of life and the outplay of energy clearly. This story is such a great example of how wise it is to take a moment to come back to ourself, observe ourself as well as the situation, and also to deeply connect with the other person. We can then allow and observe magic to unfold.

427. It is beautiful to observe how with love and support we can let go of judgement and allow a space for ourselves to observe life as it truly is and not coloured by all our past hurts and experiences. As I learn to be more honest and open in my communication I can let go of the control that has ruled my perceptions of how life ‘should be’ which comes from ingrained ideals and beliefs from past experience.

428. Observing and understanding, not reacting, what a gift we give to ourselves and everyone around us.

429. “To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.” This so goes against practically everything of how we are generally supported to understand how, why and to manage the way we behave. However, as your example clearly shows, through this deeper understanding gained by not reacting from our senses and not taking things personally one is able to get to the truth of the situation with mutual understanding and appreciation.

430. Wow this is really inspiring to read – to be able to keep the observation going and not to take anything personally is key. So many opportunities where we can give ourselves this space to see beyond what we initially see and see what really is going on and bring some understanding really does allow us to have relationships that are loving.

431. Not going into reaction or taking what your son did personal allowed you to observe what was happening and ask the right questions, without judgment or hurt. A great lesson in how to live life more fully and joyfully.

432. It’s so powerful to simply observe what goes on, and not need it to be a certain way. When we need it to be a certain way, we impose.

433. “…When we are willing to observe, we are willing to develop a relationship with the world that has no judgement in it…” What a beautiful and truthful statement!

434. It’s amazing how quickly we can turn things around if we are willing to hold even an openness to understand a situation.

435. Holding onto hurts taints our life with the reactions and behaviours that we rely on in order to protect ourselves from not feeling that hurt again. It is crazy as in order to not get hurt we end up hurting others.

436. Reading your blog I was struck by the many layers and deepening of expression between you both and the steadiness of your ability to hold and observe that made this deepening possible. How different the world would be if we all understood this and acted in such a way. Beautiful thanks.

437. When we allow ourselves the space to sit back and observe for a second, we have the opportunity to feel a different angle on what is being presented and not get caught IN the process but see it for the game that it is and feel the quality of energy that it brings.

438. When we react are we not switching off who we are and trapping ourselves in a closed cycle that has no evolution?

439. I find that it is so valuable to observe myself in everything I do. Not to scrutinize but to just notice. It helps to keep things light and remember my sense of humour otherwise it can become quite a serious somber affair that becomes judgmental. Observing myself gently with humour and love allows me space to make mistakes and learn.

440. Observing rather than reacting supports us to bring love and understanding to any given situation when the situation we are reacting to is triggered by an event outside of us it is a gifted opportunity for both with us to go deeper with ourselves and heal . When we react we are reacting to our own held hurts and to let go of the pain of our own past and appreciate how far we have come is something to celebrate.

441. By choosing observation over reaction even the most horrible situations can be seen in a different light. One where we can learn to understand and approach from anothe angle rather that in reaction that goes around in circles and never moves on. A small example is adults who in reaction act like children once again simply because they are in that moment a much younger age where this reaction was adopted.

442. Whenever I find myself speaking in re-action I first have to admit that I have disconnected with myself and take the focus off whatever else I may be attempting to use to distract myself from this truth.

443. Anonymous, this is great to read, ‘Inspired by the body’s wisdom to continuously feel and express deeper in commitment to observing, understanding and not absorbing life.’ I love the steadiness and sense of presence in how you were this day that you describe in your blog, this is very beautiful way to be, where we are so steady that we are not affected by what is going on around us, we are then much more able to deal with whatever arises.

444. This is something I find challenging, to observe life and not absorb when I have held onto hurts and expectations. Letting go of layers of hurts and images of how I want something to be is truly freeing. It allows me to not take things personally and to simply stay open and observe.

445. I had a lesson only today about observing and not absorbing. I found myself reacting to what another was saying and immediately went into trying to control/change/be right with them in my own not so subtle way. All of a sudden I felt myself go and just surrender to the truth of the moment, that it’s all about presence and the quality I am holding, not what another is saying or not saying. Such a beautifully divine moment in the grace of my own love.

446. Love to revisit this blog and digest the gold nuggets…. and integrate them into my day – like this one for example: ‘It was by being present and being honest about my hurts that I found I could return to being observant by choice’.

447. ‘It dissolved the picture of how we have to be and freed the both of us to simply be ourselves and, with each choice we make, to continue to trust more deeply who we are….’, could this be the answer, or at least one of them(!) to our evolution, as it is through pictures that we have kept ourselves in disconnection from each other, living in the illusion that we should be this and that, trying to live up to not only expectations of others, but of ourselves. Letting go and trusting in the flow of life, without going into pictures can be a hard one, but one I am certainly willing to explore.

448. To judge one another or oneself is something I know very well, but when I observe this then I can feel the ugliness of it. For me it always comes from a reaction to any hurt I am holding and then this is either projected to that other person or towards myself and in that there is absolutely no celebration whatsoever but only an ingrained pattern being played out that wants to keep me and the other person less and not to grow into a deeper relationship.

449. Without the confusion of reactions there is so much space to take in what’s truly happening through observing and in that, begin to see and understand what’s truly going on. Instead of two reactions meeting each other, two people can simply connect with the truth of how they are feeling and be present in the actual situation, without previous experiences intruding in on it.

450. Letting go of reaction offers an ever expanding opportunity for more love. What’s not to love about that?

451. Staying with myself and simply observing, there is consistently a choice to go underneath any reaction, feel a hurt that was triggered and from that a deepening understanding that this hurt is not who I am. It consistently brings me back to openness and an impulse to understand more clearly the behaviour of whoever else was involved in the initial reaction. This is something really important I was reminded of by this blog. When back with myself and able to observe, I am drawn to deeper understanding and connection with another, not isolation and defence of my actions.

452. I have just had a beautiful conversation with three amazing people and come to appreciate the power of observing and understanding more so in my own life. If we could all master this alone the world would be a very different place.

453. When I am not observing I am investing, emotionally. I am learning the distinction and it is super supportive to check when I am investing in an outcome or a certain way of life.

454. What a deeply touching moment in your relationship with your son Anonymous… ‘This was probably the first communication between us that, even though we were touching on a topic that felt hurtful, we chose to express without reaction. Immediately with our choice to communicate in this way, our connection deepened even more.’ Such a great place to come to in communication and understanding – from hereon a love and intimacy of exquisite depths can flourish – one that will change the world around you – and already has!.

455. This is such a timely reminder as I deal with students with escalating behaviour issues. When they go into being abusive I can feel my body tense, I am learning to observe and remain more relaxed in my body so that I am in a better space to respond not react and get drawn into a battle.

456. The way to be in relationship, I mean truly be there for yourself and for the other person is to always observe and never get involved even when having a conversation with your partner or anyone for that matter. . . the moment we get involved is the moment we lose the ability to read the situation and so instead take on the others ‘stuff’.

457. The surrender you talk about is most beautiful Anonymous. I have found that happening in my own life, and so the pictures and expectations dissolve and the most wonderful alchemy can occur.

458. Your blog shows the power of appreciation and how it dissolves what is getting in the way, like pictures and expectations, of deeper connections and truth. Thank you.

459. I am still learning to observe and always will be. When I observe I feel very different in my body, there is no tension, no need, and no needing people to be anything for me. I can feel how much pressure and hardness I put in myself and other people. I also realise how much I am in reaction to what I feel in my own body and past choices. Firstly I feel I need to hold myself with much more understanding and grace. When I am harsh and hard on myself I am doing this, treating other people this way. When there is no or far less reaction then i can feel how much all this stuff that bothers me, or I thinking a big deal, needs to be sorted out, isn’t actually an issue or a problem in the first place. I don’t need to say or act on half the things, reactions or thoughts that I do.

460. ‘A relationship with the world that has no judgement in it’…this is something I am definitely still working on but it is so worth doing so because there is so much wisdom here in this one statement about life. Our whole outlook on life changes if we give ourselves permission to really feel or sense the bigger picture of why things are happening the way they are rather than bringing in our own picture or story or perception about the events which are based on our own hurts and our fear of them.

461. Observation, is something I definitely have not mastered yet, but my experience is that it allows me a different kind of relationship with the world, where I understand what is going on around me without jumping feet first into the situation and getting swallowed up in the drama of it.

462. It’s always a good idea to give things some time before addressing an issue so the response isn’t out of total reaction.

463. The safest position to be an observer is from a mountaintop. To be in the trenches in real life is just hiding behind the curtains. Is, the greatest battle that some never win because of their choices? Our relationships with others start within ourselves first. The battle with our self when won, is the first step to the deeper connection to everyone.

464. This is a beautiful honest description of what goes on in our heads:’ I felt the time I needed to leave, did not rush or delay it, said goodbye to my friends and throughout the walk towards the pier where I was going to take the ferry home, I continued to observe the feelings that arose. I could feel that there was a very faint lingering of a pattern of going into sadness from the reaction of being let down, which I simply surrendered more deeply into feeling.’ To honestly register and admit or name our reaction to ourselves can be very freeing and paves the way for deeper understanding.

465. Great example of when we lose judgment and expectation we are much more able to truly read the situation. When we absorb and not observe we have a destorted view of what has actually occurred.

466. There are some specific situations where it is easy for me to react or take on another’s burden, so the skill of observation is one I am always developing; these days I am quickly aware when I am in reaction and can choose to take a step back and again observe. Being kind to oneself when these ‘whoops’ moments occur has also been important; without self-understanding and observation it is easy to react to oneself!

467. Life without judgment would be true freedom… the skill of observation is something that we must teach our children everywhere, at home and in schools.

     1. Spot on Johanne. Judgement only comes from our own feelings of insecurity backed up by right and wrong in order to feel safe.

468. It is an amazing homework to go deeper: to observe what it is that we are reacting to and to understand why we do it. Catching ourselves in reaction as it happens enough times and appreciate the awareness, spot in what circumstances would we react more and/or less, understand and read everything deeper for the body to come to its own conclusions to what to choose again. This is all amazing opportunities to observe.

469. I keep being pulled back to this blog and each time I am moved even more by the significance and importance of ‘observation’. I can feel the debris of false belief, expectations, self judgement and anxiety fall away when I simply observe myself and other situations. Observation is a tool for living life in a way that enables me to feel and respond in a way that is empowering and unencumbered. What a joy!

     1. I agree Bernadette. It is a joy to simply observe and feel truth again.

470. This is the absolute truth – I often react to people or situations and this does not help, it creates judgement and separation. The instant moment I step back and observe I realise I don’t actually have an issue with any people, it’s about allowing space – when I do this I realise how much I love them, and that we aren’t perfect, we are all learning at our own pace. All I have to do is focus on my choices not anyone else’s.

471. There is so much to learn when we choose to observe and not absorb.

472. What a beautiful read Anonymous – a great bedtime story. There is much wisdom to this telling.. the gentle tender way and power of observation of your own feelings and that of another. It is one of my hobbies to observe people, and my feelings. The challenge is letting go what I feel and expressing what I observe – it is unique, and how I have developed my understanding of God, me, others and life.

473. Having read this blog again, I feel to take a moment and appreciate how far I have come and how I have developed a deeper connection with my body and how I can really hold and carry myself in the world. This has positively impacted all my relationships.

474. Anonymous this is very supportive to read, ‘as I was already in observation mode from the restaurant, I was still able to simply observe and no feelings of hurt arose as a result of the tone of his voice.’ I often feel hurt from the tone of peoples voices, so it is wonderful to read that this need not be the case, that I can simply observe and understand what is going on without taking it personally and reacting.

475. Have we all been living our life as an observer? We have our radar on for the things that have hurt us in the past so we can avoid them now. We become a coiled spring always under pressure. What does this pressure that we create on ourselves, do to our body’s? When we have dealt with our hurts, we are allowed to observe the present with clarity.

476. Meeting another with no judgement allows us to see their real beauty for who they are.

477. I am aware of just how much I react during the day down to the subtlest of levels, but I am learning more and more each day what it means to be in the art of observation and the impact this has on the quality of life. Life becomes far less exhausting and much simpler.

478. Observation for me is power, space and freedom all wrapped up with understanding. I grew up seeing adults around me snap at the drop of a hat and blow up like a fire cracker if they were upset or hurt, so even though it felt awful and it affected me enormously and them, this is what I knew and what I also chose when I was hurt. It’s been a constant re-learning to give my self space to feel my feelings and what may be coming up for me when something happens and observe so I have more of an understanding before I respond.

479. Reactions seem so very normal in our world today, being frustrated with this, or angry at that. But with observation we can learn more understanding both of ourselves and others, and so the reactions begin to diminish.

480. What a super lovely relationship you and your son are now developing 🙂

481. ‘To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.’ To observe and not absorb life is something I work on for myself and often share with others.

482. “To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.” This is such an important understanding and way of living that would make all the difference to the world if we all were brought up like that and choose it. The world currently is based on reactions and we all love this as it feeds the energy that keeps us all going around in these patterns and behaviours. Imagine a different way of living based on understanding and loving choices for ourselves and others and the harmony we would all feel.

483. I have also felt this experience from the other perspective – to have been observed by another person. There is so much space to feel what is happening with no impostion that we are offered a very clear reflection of where we are at.

484. In observation there can be no expectation.

     1. Wise words Kylie, and without expectations we no longer need to control the future, and so the need for reactions diminishes.

485. Feeling into any situation without judgement allows for a different response, rather than the immediate reaction that closes the situation down. It gives a pause to allow a reflection to occur and I could feel how your connection gave you the ability to assess what was happening and keep the communication open and true. Well done.

486. The first paragraph is a beautiful blueprint for life, a way of living that is without stress and what strikes me in reading it is that to observe is a choice; one that I can choose regardless of having chosen to react and reject the deeper understanding that is available in any given moment.

487. Giving space to observe something rather than react has been an incredible revelation for me, however I’ve come to understand that I am partly addicted to the reaction. To jumping into some form of spin out of the unjust way a situation plays out however in that no one benefits, no one grows and tensions mount. When we do observe it really does change our approach to life and the way we relate to everyone. Certainly as others have said a very different form of parenting and relationships.

488. Every moment offers the possibility of response or reaction. As we continue to make things less personal, our awareness of being able to respond without reaction develops. This can take time, but life certainly becomes more harmonious.

489. The power of observation is far reaching and comes from a deeper connection and commitment to being self loving and accepting of myself first. Reaction is the opposite and is always first a disturbance within myself.

490. Observation is having a particular relationship with life, a posture whereby one is not at all indifferent but deeply caring and compassionate nevertheless detached and not enmeshed with situations or the emotional, mental turmoil people often find themselves in when in reaction to life. Observation is not mental but a whole-body-mind presence where one knows himself first and then perceives what is around or outside of him second; that is the basis for having a relationship with something or someone.

491. ‘And yet, as I was already in observation mode from the restaurant, I was still able to simply observe and no feelings of hurt arose as a result of the tone of his voice.’ – This goes to show how important our initial response is and how that quality of movement transfers to the next moment as well as the next movement. To develop our ability to observe makes a huge difference.

492. what you have shared is truly inspirational in how we could approach every interaction in our lives, instead of choosing the reaction, choose the observation and in that space what is needed to learn can be felt and in the understanding we step further on the path of awakening and expanding our awareness.

493. ‘To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.’ This is beautifully said, and in choosing understanding over reaction, we can open up to an even greater level of understanding in our relationships and in life.

494. This is an opportunity to approach parenting and all our relationships in a totally different way. For me it literally starts with stopping myself go for a knee jerk reaction and affording myself the space to observe what is being said, how I feel, what something triggers in me…

495. The description of what happened when those thoughts arose is key here. In a sense they are ‘reactive’ thoughts ‘How could he?’ and ‘Is he ok?’ – but what is interesting is that in observation despite the nature of the presenting thoughts, they are not given energy and hence are not fuelled. This is a point of power we all have to choose to respond rather than let the emotion of a situation take over and it leads to a very different experience of life.

496. Anonymous this is a great learning for me – as a mother of three children I can see how I often react to situations without giving myself the space to feel whether I am reacting or responding. When I do give myself the space to respond it feels very honouring of me and in turn those I am with – gosh if we all lived with this level of responsibility the world would be in a very different place.

497. Observing not reacting, this is what I need to work on still

498. There are times when we are so close we can not see the obvious. The only way to see what has been hidden is to step back and have a different viewpoint.

499. To choose and learn to observe is taking my lenses I carry from ideals and beliefs away and allowing the reality and rawness of the situation come through. when I feel emotional about a situation, then always there are lenses in front of my eyes not allowing me to see truth.

500. The fact and realisation from this blog is that I am hurt – I can feel it now just reading the blog.

501. My hurt runs so deep that I run with thoughts constantly to stop the flow of feeling in my body and just how sensitive I am to everything that I know is not love. Keeping it simple, being honest and just accepting that I am hurt can change how I am with myself and my interactions.

502. I love the first paragraph in what you have shared Maree. It’s very true. When we truly observe we don’t take anything on and therefore we do not judge. There are may ways we can react. I have noticed for myself that rather than communicate was is there to be said I’ll hold on to that and end up going into reaction against myself. Thinking that I should have said this or that and essentially judging myself for that. Therein lies the reaction. It’s so important to observe ourselves to so that we don’t get caught in a reaction where we end up judging ourselves. As we become this way with ourselves then in becomes much easier to not judge the world around us too.

503. As you have said Anonymous getting honest about out hurts is the most amazing liberation from reaction and not always an easy path, but actually so simple and so freeing: ‘It was by being present and being honest about my hurts that I found I could return to being observant by choice.’

504. When in observation, there is enormous understanding and awareness to be had, which keeps one in the humbleness of life and the forever learning.

505. It is great what you share regarding reactions. It is so easy to get caught in reactions and then everything goes out of control, rather than staying with the moment, observing and reading what is on offer. I use to be a person who use to react very quickly without reading what was happening, this use to cause, frustration, anger, resentment. Now I am working on allowing myself to observe and read, before I make any decision.

506. Those pictures, judgements and assumptions can jump in so easy can’t they? I know I am learning to take a moment and see these reactions for what they are and this immediately keeps me connected to the bigger picture of what is going on, rather than the story I have cooked up in my head, and then others also feel held by this and so our connection remains strong.

507. Observation is an amazing skill – one that needs to be practiced like any skill, worked on and developed. I am learning to observe myself, without judgment or need for things to be different, just observing thoughts, feelings and whatever else my body serves up. This allows space to respond accordingly. When I’m totally absorbed in my mind, or emotions are leading the way, I feel like I don’t have a choice and that I’m being driven. Truth is, the choice has already been made to not observe which leads to the ingrained momentum being played out.

508. To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us. Yes, the difference when you do observe and not get caught up is huge, as when your being the observer, everything you need to know is right there and you are more able to see truth as your loving presence holds you within it, leaving the space to see so much more.

     1. Well said Julie. I am learning to observe and not absorb life. The times when I have done this, feels very empowering because whenever I react to situations or people I am essentially giving my power away. Hence why we can often feel exhausted when we are emotionally caught up with ‘stuff’.

509. To observe, one must appreciate. It’s from that vantage point of appreciation that then one simply observes and clocks reaction as it arises and then goes.

     1. Great point Katerina. Through appreciation we see the whole picture rather than segments that skew our view from which we then react.

510. The place of the beautiful observer – love it, and I love practicing this and experiencing a whole new perspective when I let go and step back instead of wrapping myself up in ‘stuff’.

511. “To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.” This is such wise advice for every situation that we find ourselves in and it is advice I wish I had been offered as I child. So many unpleasant moments of reaction would have been avoided by the simple knowing that to observe and instead of reacting would offer me the space to truly understand what was going on; absolute gold.

512. I love the way you describe the immediate chatter/reaction of the mind and yet you were able to not engage with it but stay an observer of your own mind, without any judgment of what you observe. That way none of what goes of in the mind gets a hold of you and you are free to respond and not react.

513. I am finding being open and being interactive is a key to eliminating my hurts. In the past I have found that I held onto my hurts, causing me to get emotional and therefore take on emotional situations.

514. If I can spot my reaction as exactly that – a reaction – then life becomes super simple.

515. Absolutely love this definition – “To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.”

516. “In this process there is an absence of a picture or an expectation of what this development looks like, especially in regards to having a time frame.” There is gold all throughout this blog but this line is particularly powerful for me. I often find myself placing timelines on when I would like issues in my relationships to be resolved and I can see that this actually delays evolution rather than speeds it up…in fact it is just a futile bid for control. It is so much more honouring of myself and others to simply allow love to unfold between us through my own choice to be responsible and observe.

517. To not react is saying yes to love.

518. “When we are willing to observe, we are willing to develop a relationship with the world that has no judgement in it.” You could’ve just written this statement and that would have been enough! This is super cool and is a great reminder to observe more (and to not make judgements!).

519. There seems to be a direct connection between observation, understanding and love but when we react we break this connection and go into judgment based as is wisely stated in this blog, on our own hurts and our need to protect ourselves. It certainly seems true to me that the more I am able to choose observation in life, the less I live in reaction and emotional upheaval. There is a sense of clarity in observation that takes ‘me’ out of the way and allows a more true perception of what is transpiring.

     1. Absolutely, when we observe we are able to read the situation and there is a sense of clarity which allows for a settlement within our body.

520. When we observe rather than react to another it is very freeing and leaves us feeling a lightness in our bodies.

521. Being able to observe another allows them the space to work out their own muddles in life in their own time, while at the same time providing a reflection that exposes the truth of things for them quite clearly. This is in stark contrast to telling them what to do and giving advice based on what we judge to be right or true for them.

522. When we do not judge another we provide the space for another to honestly share and express what is going on for them as in the example you shared with your son. Truly Inspiring.

523. Your words here Maree have made me reconsider more that just observing how people are but making space to see nature, my surroundings and the stars too. I realise I tend to skim over life’s pages in a blur, and in the process miss out on observing the beautiful detail in it all. This detail is not actually icing on the cake or optional fine print but is connected and telling me everything too. From this place I can see there is no end to observing and the support that is provided to me and to you.

524. Wouldn’t it be great if …”we are willing to develop a relationship with the world that has no judgement in it…” If we raised children this way, it would go a long way to stop the harm that judgment causes

525. Observing our bodies reactions and responses to life supports us in our understanding and our expression; I love what you have expressed here Anonymous, thank you.
     “Inspired by the body’s wisdom to continuously feel and express deeper in commitment to observing, understanding and not absorbing life”.

526. Wow such wisdom in this blog an awesome reminder to respond not react – Thank you Anonymous. I have loved reading this.

527. Being observant and not reacting is saying No to one of the most accepted forms of control in being human and developing a deeper understanding and relationship to what true freedom means.

528. Often I react to what my husband says, I really want to work on holding the tension in my body long enough for it to pass and then in allowing the feeling to be and in that space gain a deeper understanding of what is being presented. This challenge is asking me to reframe from expressing from hurt but instead read what is in-between the lines, a skill we can all benefit from, in short what you are sharing in this article is extremely valuable for the reader.

529. Many times my head tells me repressing my feelings is the way to be calm, but that is not what the body tells me. One strong evidence of this is, when I hold back expressing how I truly feel, there is always the lingering emotion be it sadness, anger, frustration or rage that is expressed either constantly or erupting intermittently. Yet when I am honest in my feelings, just being with them without a need to change anything, I am shown a clarity in what is felt within the body, this could be jarring to what is truth, which then very simply and naturally this is the state the body wants to return to.

530. One of the benefits of observing is, after a while, to learn to read the situation, to know what is happening with the teacher, with the son, with their interaction and to know whether to allow it to play itself out or whether to intervene, with whom and how. I find it often amazing what is the correct action when I am able to read a situation.

531. Being in the midst of reaction, sometimes intense ones is such a gift to unlock the deep power of stillness and observation within us.

532. Being the observer feels like an anchor to the body – from there, we can respond with the bodies wisdom and knowing. Being the absorber, we loose that anchor and our footing to what is true via our breath and body and who knows where the reactions are then coming from.

     1. Love what you share here Rachel, ‘being the observer feels like an anchor in the body’, thus when we absorb we lose that anchor, and then we leave ourselves open to all those emotions/reactions/tears and drama that can come tumbling through our body, which do not even belong to us.

533. In observing and not reacting not only do we not get caught in the emotional turmoil which can blur our understanding of a particular situation but we can see and feel far deeper into it than we think often realise the truth of it rather than the facade life normally presents.

534. A beautiful blog showing the importance in our lives to observe and not absorb what is going on around us allowing a deeper understanding and reading and the wisdom from this it allows us. What a lovely way to allow a deeper intimacy with our children family friends in fact ourselves also and the world we live in.

535. Such a beautiful blog here Anonymous. How gorgeous it is for your son to not feel your reaction coming at him, and therefore he was able to open up to his feelings and share this to you which brought understanding between you both.

536. I absolutely love the respect you showed your son through this. How amazing to allow him to make his own choices and not punish him for that. Very inspriing!

537. Observation allows for us to see the totality before us without attachment or reaction and it is from here that great understanding is possible, wisdom and unity.

538. Observe and not absorb eliminates judgment, and not going into reaction. Your blog Anonymous is such a powerful example of your experience of this in your life with your son. ” And yet, as I was already in observation mode from the restaurant, I was still able to simply observe and no feelings of hurt arose as a result of the tone of his voice. “

539. I used to use sarcasm a lot and it was to cover up and for me to not want to feel a hurt. I still do it occasionally and it’s a red flag that there is something to feel. What’s great is that when others around me are sarcastic, I don’t react, but just stay steady knowing that they too are not wanting to feel a hurt and the sarcasm is just a cover up.

540. Being able to observe and not absorb in life is true medicine.

541. ‘It dissolved the picture of how we have to be and freed the both of us to simply be ourselves and, with each choice we make, to continue to trust more deeply who we are.’ – It makes the world of difference when we are able to let go of any investment in what is playing out and instead stay open to look at what the situation is teaching us – very liberating.

542. Thank you Anonymus, I have found that the more I deepen the appreciation of who I am the less space there is in my body for reactions and emotions that would normally take me away from the essence of who I am.

543. Observing and not absorbing is so good for our health and the health of our relationships, as if there is ever a situation which could become tense, than observing keeps the space open, whilst absorbing sends us on a series of reactions- designed not to let us feel the true potential of connection with other people.

544. Observing is key in life, and coming back to it bit by bit I am finding how healing it is for me AND everyone else. When I observe, I am connected to all that is happening, but not IN it. Therefore, I can get a sense of what is needed. Whereas, when I am IN it I have no real awareness of what is needed, I am only aware of my own process.

545. This was simply beautiful to read of how observation led to openness and more intimacy between two people. When we are in reaction, even if it is not voiced, it’s still an imposing energy that impacts on our ability to express and connect with one another. Truly life is all about self responsibility.

546. Thanks for sharing this, Anonymous. It helps me to look at my own pattern of withdrawal and protection rather than observing and saying what I truly feel without fear of being attacked or rejected. By not expressing what I feel, things get pent up inside and then come out in strong reactions which harms all concerned.

547. I meet a lot of people in my job, any issue, emotion, reaction could come through the door, I put myself in the mix of life so to speak, I do not hide from people…I Love meeting people and connecting. Learning to observe in all areas of life, but work is a great example, has allowed me to stay steady and hold understanding for another, without going into reactions and emotions myself. It also allows me to meet them for who they are beyond the stuff and protection and I find this a deep honour and joy.

548. This is a great example of how relationships do not have to be filled with emotion, and that even if we do react there is more to learn about ourselves and others, and by giving others the space to express how they feel without expectations and pictures is huge.

549. Observing our re-actions teaches us much and gives us a deeper understanding of ourselves.

     1. True Vicky, I can learn so much more about myself now, when I stop to look at my re-actions. Observing gives me understanding and also compassion for myself and others.

550. The way you related to your son throughout this day is very inspiring Anonymous. Each time you made choices to feel and observe without reacting would no doubt be felt and appreciated by your son. How beautiful to experience life in this way, as it is not the ‘normal’ way, but very powerful.

551. indeed, it is very normal in our societies that we react to one another and at times that is even challenged by others in the way that they want me to react to something that in their eyes is not fair or honest and must be fought for in order to keep my worth. But to me this is not true when I come from observation and in that everything is looked at and comes with great understanding and a knowing what action has to be taken if needed.

     1. Interestingly there are many times when people look at us askance when we don’t react. That is very common in my experience.

552. Absolutely gorgeous blog, the wisdom you share here is timeless.

553. How often have we heard about the powers of observation but not really comprehended how truly powerful observation is and how it brings a new level of awareness . “To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.”

554. We learn so much more about life, the universe and everything when we observe what is going on rather than being stuck in the middle of it all, buffeted by each new assault or thing that we react to.

     1. I agree Simon, to me it feels that we have learned to react, while our natural response is to learn from observation.

        1. True – our body responds in the way we have trained it.
           To bring a body of responsibility, detachment and true observation requires us to consistently retrain our body – firstly by dealing with our reactions to life and unhealed hurts and from here, by allowing life to be in true acceptance of ourselves and others.

555. It is wonderful that your son has let you know what is happening for him in that art class. And then I love the way you appreciated your deepening relationship:’ I immediately appreciated how far we have come and the quality of the connection between us.’ Appreciation is one of the most powerful acts in the world. It grows the love and makes a new platform for even more love.

556. It is amazing how much we can judge others for things we used to do ourselves or even still do! The more I allow myself to observe life the more I then get to understand the behaviour at hand and so am given the opening to be responsive to the situation rather than purely judgemental and condemning the person further.

557. The difference in how I feel at the end of a day at work if I have worked on observing what happens around me rather than trying to go out to it is amazing. Such a simple way of not being affected by the daily dramas which can take place and allowing us to offer a reflection of another way to those who remain caught in the constant motion of life.

558. This is beautiful to read Anonymous. The understanding you were able to bring to your son is amazing and it is clearly a consequence of the choice to observe the situation rather than take it personally.

559. I find that observing like you’ve described here brings a moment of space and helps me have a clearer understanding of everything going on in a situation and a clearer choice in how I then respond rather than just from a knee-jerk or gut reaction.

560. If we all observed ourselves and our life, the world would be a far more harmonious place.

561. How awesome to grow up with this wisdom from very young… when we respond to another rather than react it allows space for a far more loving and harmonious connection, and when we trust that connection, the relationship keeps deepening.

562. Yes a game changer indeed, by stepping back and observing it is possible to see what hurts and but also see it is not all hurt, that we ourselves are still there and can make choices of how to respond in a way that is honouring of both. The fact that we often are not observing as we are not present is the most important part because when we are not present we will not notice all of these hurts and thus be at the mercy of our reactions.

563. Understanding can totally transform relationships. Understanding ourselves, what might have triggered us and understanding the other persons choices and where they come from to make a certain for us unexpected choice. It is challenging to do at times, I find, but when I go there, make the effort to feel and understand, it is really beautiful to stay in connection with the other person and not let any tension or reaction come in between.

564. This must be one of the best parenting tips I have received in my life. A practical real example of how observation without judgement allows true communication to occur. Deeply beautiful, thank you.

565. You open up a whole new level of what our relationships could be. Instead of going into the usual chain reaction of reactions that we so very much learn as being normal, you allow yourself to stop and feel what is going on for you underneath all these emotions. You allow yourself to drop the act and open up your heart and ask yourself the question what is really going on.

566. Observation leads to living universality, that is we no longer feel ourselves as separate individuals but consider ourselves as part of the Whole.

567. I love this blog Anonymous, it has helped me realise there is a constant reaction and judgement going on in my life, measuring events in the super draining way. All from a desire to be safe and sound, which ironically observing guarantees. Your words make me think of how Shakespeare described the world as merely a play, and all of us players on the stage, for what I had not got until now is that it is all an out-play of energy and we are all playing out what comes through – so why not just observe what energy is impulsing life with you?

568. Without observation, we don´t know who we are as we cannot discern the difference between who we are and everything that we are not; without observation we cannot truly understand anything for what it is as we will project our unresolved issues or expectations onto every person or situation.

     1. When in stillness and observation I realise there is a judgment on myself as it stands out as jarring cacophony. But simply observing with no need to change anything brings back a feeling of harmony and deep loveliness. This can then be a science applied to everyone and every situation in life.

569. This is really interesting to read, I react a lot less than I used to, and am learning to observe much more. If I do react, I am learning to not respond straight away, or often at all ( as it’s not needed) because I know in reaction what comes out will not be loving and often telling, or in truth because I have not felt or understood the person or situation clearly, as I have made it personal and about me.

570. ‘ my son’s previous reactions of frustration and anger would have seemed quite normal to him as they were very often mirrored in the world around him’ This is true Anonymous, how powerful it is when simple observation and understanding is reflected back, a great healing in fact.

571. I am coming back to read this again and have had so many conversations over the last few days about hurts and how they affect our communication or lack thereof. What I hear when I re-read is they come from our picture not being met or lived up to, so pin order to address the hurt, which can dominate our way of living by continually feeding us that we are hurt or even victims, we have to look at choosing to let go of the pictures and, as you offer, simply observe how life is and what it is offering us.

572. One of the things that hurt us the most is our judgment of others. The problem is that if we are judging others we have already judged ourselves first so the way to deal with judgment is to heal our self-judgment. It is our self-judgment that is quite literally killing us.

573. A deeper acceptance of ourselves and surrendering to the wisdom we inherently are and hold within naturally brings this living quality to another, be that our child, neighbour or wider family of life.

574. Really lovely to re-read this again this morning, as I had a situation yesterday at work that presented itself yet again, with the same person but this time it was different as there was a split second where I observed that this was the same cycle coming around again, which has since highlighted that there is even more insights as to what the energy behind this re-occuring situation is offering to us both equally.

575. It is so easy for us to go into a reaction, but when we do choose to take a moment to stop and simply observe what is going on it allows a space to open up for everyone involved. And what can develop from there can be momentus!

576. We are not truly connecting with each other when we are in reaction, whether we are using words or not, we are nursing our hurt, without wanting to take any responsibility for it, rather, choosing to shift the blame to the other person. No relationship can deepen and evolve without connection, honesty and understanding.

577. When we allow ourselves a moment of space as we observe we allow the world to be without any drive or expectation and in this there is a freedom to be without any imposition.

578. Emotional outbursts followed by periods of not communicating are a familiar pattern, however I always found those periods of not talking quite excruciating. It is so natural for us to communicate, but the way we do it is the key. The more we learn about and bring understanding to ourselves, the more we can do that for another. There is great power in being able to observe rather than get swallowed up in our emotions.

579. I love how you were able to stay with your self when you heard from your son’s teacher that he hadn’t made it to class, how you simply observed how you were feeling, without reacting and were able to finish your dinner, without rushing off to find out what had happened.

580. I really like this observation “Hence, my son’s previous reactions of frustration and anger would have seemed quite normal to him as they were very often mirrored in the world around him, to the likely detriment of us all.” as it is so true that we are surrounded by a ‘normal’ that is in fact the opposite to our natural or divine state yet because ‘everyone’ is doing it it becomes how we are. So much to observe and question and develop!

581. When we judge another it’s as if they have been frozen in time. Until we release them from the immobilising effect of judgement, they are unable to move forwards in our eyes.

     1. This is an interesting point Alexis, it allows me to feel the way that judgment and control are inseparable from each other. Of course we are not truly in control of anyone so judgment is always a recipe for hurt and disconnection.

        1. Leonne I know that for me, control and judgement are the best of buddies. I will often seek to control another once I have judged them and conversely I will often attempt to control another and then judge them depending on their response to my attempts at controlling them. Both versions are equally awful.

582. Yes, indeed. If we can be honest with one another about our hurts, our relationships can go to a much deeper level.

583. Observing gives us some space to pause and feel what is really happening. Then we have a clearer understanding what is truly taking place and have no need to jump in and react. It changes the outcomes of many situations when there are no judgements.

584. Observing life is a sure way to allowing others room to develop without any imposition or expectation – absolutely brilliant.

585. I love your description of how you and your son communicated without reaction. How amazing this would be if we could do this all the time. It is worth observing life in order to gain the understanding needed to be able to do this.

586. “To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us..” Love this Anonymous. Observing has not one ounce of judgement in it – and people feel it when we observe as opposed to judging.

587. ‘after we parted ways, I simply felt a very solid trust with myself and with him’ – Trust is certainly to do with more than just the other person and whether they generally don’t ‘let us down’ or do deceitful things, and without trust with ourselves first and foremost it’s impossible to trust in anyone else.

588. There’s a song in there – oh, wait, I think some dude’s already written it! 🎤😀

589. Observing ourselves is a crucial part of this, so that we can notice when we are ‘off’ i.e. disconnected from our true selves. When we live in the illusion that we are right, that what we say justifies everything, then we can choose to stop and reconnect. Anything we say from reaction is laced with all our past, the trick is to remain aware of our past but not let it affect us now.

590. Living and responding from observation rather than reaction is something we can learn, develop and deepen. It can be very challenging at times as it awakens deep and long held hurts but it is so worth the perseverance.

591. Learning to take a step back is a true sign of intelligence that brings a spacious quality to any situation. Still a skill I am learning to master but appreciating that the more I do, the simpler it becomes to resolve problems and support each other to express our feelings without being swamped by them, a much needed and very positive step forward in bringing true compassion into our humanitarian relationships.

592. Anonymous, this article is really helpful. I am learning to observe and not react, what I have found by observing is that I remain loving and understanding and do not go into judgment of others; I am able to read the situation and understand what is really going on, this then seems to create less defensiveness and reaction from the other person.

593. There is something very powerful about observing life. When we observe rather than react we do not fuel situations with emotions that can just add to the problems we face. Somehow, when we truly observe life we offer space for things to evolve in a different way, rather than confirming them as they are or appear to be.

594. I have a tendency to react to another reacting. I feel hurt because I want them to get what I have said or done. I have an expectation of the outcome and when it doesn’t go to plan I end up reacting. It is very controlling instead of having an understanding and allowing another to be and unfold in their own time.

595. ‘To be a fish and not get wet’ is something I heard 10 years ago. It has taken me time to make this part of the way I live, but now is part of who I am.

596. “….but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.” To give myself allowance and permission to feel what is around me, to get a deeper understanding of what life is about, of who I am and what kind of responsibilities I have is a constant developement and challenge. All the steps I make in this are adding to the joy in my body.

597. I used to think that to not be affected by the outside world we needed to become harder and harder and that the people that were unaffected, were well hard, so it has been great to learn over the years that we can observe and not absorb without shutting down.

     1. Me too. I didn’t know back then that by choosing to harden I was already very much affected by whatever was going on and in reaction well and proper.

     2. Great point Kevin, have we as men used our wall that we built to stop being hurt, also shutting down anything getting in, good or bad. When we lose our wall, we can once again filter what is around us and still be connected to the world.

598. The difference I find when I allow myself to observe life is quite amazing. I used to live 24/7 in reaction to life, basically jumping from one thing to the next. Always concerned, always on edge and always running out of time. When I started to learn and then gradually bring in observing life I find things are no longer such a struggle in life and I can look at things with perspective. Deeply inspiring.

599. When we don’t communicate from reaction we allow space for the other person to connect to themselves and honestly feel what is going on and express that. By observing we do not judge or have any ideas about how we want someone to be and we can accept what is happening more easily and therefore they feel understood and can open up to us more easily.

600. How beautiful is this developing relationship with your son, Anonymous. It just shows how if we do not judge another and just allow them to be we open the door for more honest communication.

601. Thank you for this great blog Anonymous. Your opening paragraph brings forth a truth, that if put into action would clear the world of its misery: ‘ When we are willing to observe, we are willing to develop a relationship with the world that has no judgement in it. To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.’ What happens is that we carry a hurt, and so we grab onto an ideal about the way people should behave and then if they break that ideal image we react. What really hurts is not that person’s behaviour but the actual breaking of the ideal that we have required that person to fit into. Observation requires that we observe out own ideals (something that can be tricky) and then we are in a clearer position to observe a other clearly without judgment.

602. Observing without reacting is a trait I would love to master in every interaction I have

603. Observing life leaves us with space to feel, connect and express what is there to be shared with complete honesty to any situation or relationship. Furthermore increasing our loving expansion within our connections. This in turn keeps us as one with all and not sitting on the sidelines, which can happen when we go into reaction or frustration.

604. … In essence, speaking in reaction like this is our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt. This is so true Anonymous and you unpack so well our reactions and how they can affect our relationships with others. Having more of an understanding, or possibility put forward, helps those that may be stuck in an old pattern as you describe and I can relate to here. I really enjoyed your expression, thank-you.

605. ‘To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.’ Being willing to understand really helps, as does letting go of the past and seeing each moment with fresh eyes.

606. As parents it is important to be observant to every little detail of what a child is communicating, reading every subtle or non-subtle word, gesture and expression. They are no rules and pictures of what parenting looks like, but every exchange it is feeling deeper our reactions and observations as well as our child’s and like any relationship, we communicate through and out of them. Non-communication between parents and children especially during adolescence is expected as normal, but like any connection between people, everything is a relationship and every relationship or the there lack of, affects all other relationships.

607. The choice to start observing and feel the difference in the connection with someone is what starts to lay the foundation to choose this. If reaction comes in before observation it’s great to recognise which feels more appropriate and which supports everyone.

608. What I’m experiencing more and more often is that observing is not only not reacting, but also being so still and with me that I’m able to really feel the energy that is emanating from the other person or persons. I’m learning to feel that I don’t have to change the situation or act on it. I just am to stay with me. And indeed observe what’s going on. There’s great power in observation. And a lot of love as well, true love that is – holding love.

609. When we speak from reaction it means that something has touched us, gotten under our skin so to speak and that it is uncomfortable or even hurtful, whether in the present or harking back to an old hurt. The reaction just puts more protective layers around it and reinforces our bulwark against the world and people, it doesn’t resolve, let alone heal anything.

     1. Sometimes I feel what gets under my skin is an expression that is not true, equal or unified, but then if I respond back in reaction, this would only be magnified. So if at that moment I could observe and simply stop, change the movement back to expressing in a unified way, it would change the momentum of reaction.

610. Being able to go observe what is going on without reaction and attachment to outcome gives space and time for a response that is not aggressive or defensive or imposing. But as you say Anonymous, without letting ourselves feel the hurts that may be surfacing because of old patterns, we are not able to express clearly and truthfully, as the hidden agendas will be felt by the other as they colour what we say.

611. “… In essence, speaking in reaction like this is our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt.” And dare I say very revealing of the outcomes we hold and expect, not allowing the other to express from what they feel, as your son chose to do, honouring himself in not going to class.

612. There is so much on offer for the reader to take in. It is written with such a deep understanding of life and a honest commitment to lessen the reactions in life and allowing the body’s wisdom to come through.

     This small line stood out for me today “I felt the time I needed to leave, did not rush or delay it”.

     I was struck by how often we can – well I know I can – delay the time to leave. I often feel the time to go, but the head comes in with 100 excuses (it’s too early, what will people think, I am enjoying this and dont’ want to leave etc…) but the impulse to leave is there and often I override it. Thanks for the inspiration.

613. Whenever we have a picture of how we would like or want another to be, it does not allow us to appreciate nor celebrate the person for who they are. In effect if we do this we do this to another we also do this with ourselves, and we cap ourselves from true growth. Expectations are impositions, it is about boxing someone that is spherical. Thank you Anonymous for sharing your story on how you were able to let your son be – a very inspiring thing for us all to work on.

614. Wow, I loved it. While reading your blog I was not taken by any emotion, which was so nice to feel what true love for another is. When we observe and not absorb we have so much space within to feel the love we all come from, for it is not clouded over with emotion.

615. Observation allows understanding, this is for sure a very valuable skill to develop and practice not just for one´s own sake but everyone involved as it allows for true connection. From connection we can experience being with each other in a way we all deeply long for as it allows and confirms us to be who we are. Thank you for sharing your very inspiring choices, it shows that it is possible and not just wishful thinking and so everyone is able to learn and do it.

616. So we could say and this is my experience also that there is a way to communicate that actually confirms that there are no issues or problems between people, and no barriers or differences, if we choose for it to be that way that is. We could if we choose to hold onto pictures of others that we’d like to keep and then it’s hard to feel this open way with others. What you are describing is like a dream for many but it’s actually attainable if we as you say observe what is going on and do not get sucked into the drama of it.

617. “… In essence, speaking in reaction like this is our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt.” yet speaking in reaction, from reaction, totally exposes that we are hurt or hurting. Understanding this helps enormously as we can see the reaction has been triggered by something far previous to this and therefore cannot be taken personally. Observing this rather than reacting back can totally support the person reacting to see and feel what may be occurring for themselves.

618. What we accept as a normalised way of being and thus settled for less than love, is a long way from the truth of innate and divine essence.
     “….communicating from reactions – for example, speaking with sarcasm, frustration, outrage and with a sense of withdrawal – is an ingrained and normalised way of being”.

619. So simple and yet so powerful. Thank you.

620. How incredible it would be if this concept of observing our selves and others and staying open hearted were a basic required class in school…

     My own emotional reactiveness has been a huge part of my life, yet never did it bring anything good.
     I am amazed at how much more I am able to connect with people now that I understand the difference between allowing emotions to be triggered and communicating with reaction and being able to observe, feel and stay open.

     Two neighbors have complained about other neighbors to me recently and I realized I used to react in the same way… “Why can’t they just…” “Don’t they know that is disturbing us?”… I used to think I was compassionate but with all the emotion and frustration there was judgement and a need for a certain outcome; in other words a desire to controle.

     Now that I am better able to observe and allow myself space to feel & understand I have a better chance of communicating with people in a way that gives connection a chance which can lead to more respect all around.

621. I am understanding that everything happens for a reason. If I can stop and ask why did that happen, I have a chance to truly listen to what the message is.
     I have always been inspired by the incredible simplicity and order of all natural systems. There is a continuous process of tweaking to get the system back to harmony. Like nature, my body is constantly adjusting to what it needs to support itself. If I can observe what is going on in my body, I can support it, so it can support me better. And I also will have a better chance of changing a pattern that as not evolving me.

622. What an inspiring sharing showing the value of not reacting as this means a completely different path is made in the communication that happens – thank you. I will come back to this.

623. ‘To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.’ – It makes a huge difference in and around us when we choose to develop our ability to observe rather than jump right into reaction every time we are faced with the everyday challenges of life.

624. It’s great to read your experience of observation, as it show just how possible it is to navigate delicate and potentially difficult conversations or interactions without the landslide of emotions. The outcome is definitely beneficial for all.

625. The power of observation comes through so clearly in this blog and illustrates how when we stop and observe what is happening within us then re-action does not become the driver of what is happening. Expressing in reaction shuts down others and builds the frustration of not being understood. This is a great blog, thank you Anonymous.

626. Being ‘observant by choice’ is indeed a very great step in the evolution of our relationships and communication with each other. This is something I am working on daily, without perfection, and I can truly begin to see the difference it can make to our relationships when we express without going into reaction and judgement based on our hurts, which then allows others to just be themselves without being defensive which just adds to their hurts.

627. ‘And yet, as I was already in observation mode from the restaurant, I was still able to simply observe and no feelings of hurt arose as a result of the tone of his voice.’ This show how the quality we are in one moment carriers into the next.

     1. Yes, Abby. If we stay in our quality and do not react, this builds a foundation that can carry us through the day and all kinds of situations.

628. It’s great to revisit this blog as it holds a relevant important reminder to me to develop my observational skills and allow for understanding. I find this is most required with those closest to me where there is a history of reacting to certain situations based on past experiences, rather than seeing each moment with fresh eyes.

629. Day to day life can be full of reactions, ricocheting from triggered hurt to reaction in no time. A very familiar and totally exhausting way to be in life(!). But Serge Benhayon has shared and presented, in wonderfully varied ways so that we may hear it from all different directions, how by allowing ourselves to observe the energy in the situation first, from a step-back point of observation, creates the space to be able to offer a response rather than the reaction. Because of this I find it easier to understand what things can pull me into reaction and know that when I deal with that hook (hurts), I can clock, observe and not react!

630. I so often have the observing that what is going on around us is an offering to react to it – or to evolve on it. Every moment a moment of going against or with the call to expand on our state and expression of being. The more I become a observer of life on earth with me in it, the more still I become as well and the tumultuousness of life do not get me into unrestlessness or anxiety. This is very very supportive.

     1. This is a great reminder for me Sandra. Those ‘challenges’ that we meet – can be seen as challenges or as opportunities. See them as challenges – and the mountain becomes bigger and me and my day are affected. Observe them as opportunities – I remain still and they become points of evolution.

631. If you had chosen to react and stay in that reaction, who knows the further damage that could have been done to your relationship with your son, I am so glad that I have chosen to find a way forward with at least knowing reactions and losing it, don’t help any situation amd simply reveal we need something to be a certain way.

632. Your opening paragraph alone brings us all that what observing allows us to be, it brings us understanding and brings us and everybody else space to be.

633. These are great observations about real life from an esoteric perspective. Staying connected to ourselves and observing without reacting is one of the keys to life.

634. To observe and not absorb is such a great quality. In this way the space is given for another to reflect on which gives the opportunity to see that there may be another way to address a situation. Having had some experience of this myself I am finding that I am reacting less and less in situations where I would have preciously reacted, and it is great to feel the steadiness developing in my body.

635. “simply observed” – this is the answer to so many things, if we simply observed everything we and the world would be in a very different place, we would be far more understanding, deeply loving and supportive of one another, relationships would grow and flourish, as would family, work together for a greater purpose and be more productive, there would be very little if no self in the way, we would be joyful and full of vitality , and there would be far less illness and disease.

636. Observation is a powerful tool and one we are not taught to use. When we are young we do observe everything and I remember thinking one day that there was something wrong with me because I didn’t go into emotional turmoil that I saw others going into. As I got older I started to get more anxious about how I should be in life and what was true or not and in this I started to become more emotional and although I didn’t enjoy it I seemed to be in more align with how everyone else was.

637. Being an observer changes everything. I was in a meting yesterday and could feel I was judging people, I can’t remember why, but something made me observe them and that changed everything, all I could feel was love for them, and understanding. I just realised all I have to do is observe, I don’t have to get involved in other peoples drama or try and help. Which just feels really off in the sense you are saying ‘I am better than you, I know better so therefor I must help you, because you can’t do it’ – how arrogant and awful is that. That’s not love. Space is the answer, and holding people in love, I am no master of this as yet, but I do know it makes a huge difference, on so many levels, some we can’t even see, for everyone involved. If someone asks for help or support, then that’s a different story.

638. It is great to know that there are people in the world who are not adding to all the rage and violence we see around us every day.

639. It makes such a huge difference to the quality of life when we are not in constant reaction to every situation we find ourselves in, but whilst we are like that it seems hard to believe that there is a way out it and that way can be achieved by acknowledging what hurts us, even in the slightest way.

640. ‘When we are willing to observe, we are willing to develop a relationship with the world that has no judgement in it.’ I felt such a sense of space when reading these words. How much more open and loving the world would be if we all chose this.

641. It’s very beautiful to feel how your lack of reaction and judgment allowed your son to feel safe, to feel comfortable enough to share honestly and openly with you. ‘Immediately with our choice to communicate in this way, our connection deepened even more. I was let into my son’s world more deeply, a side he has never verbalised or shared with me’. The love you held him in with your lack of judgment allowed the space for him to express truth-fully.

642. ‘It dissolved the picture of how we have to be and freed the both of us to simply be ourselves and, with each choice we make, to continue to trust more deeply who we are’ – I absolutely love what you’re sharing here. Allowing the space to surrender, trusting that we are already enough and allowing what is there to be shared, rather than trying to say the ‘right’ thing, what is expected or what will achieve a certain outcome ….. trusting in our own expression of our truth.

643. When we continue to observe rather than jump into a reaction or judgement when something happens, it means we can then address the person or incident with so much more clarity, free of our emotions which tend to only add to the issue!

644. This is a very inspiring blog for me because it shows that if we put connection above reaction we get much greater understanding of what is going on and the bigger picture in any situation.

645. Every kid has its own world besides the shared in the family. That world tends to be kept away from its own family. The fact that they have it is a reflection of our own segmented and segmenting way of doing life, with our own different worlds, including to no entry zones. We all face the same challenge: to live in full transparency. Only going there will help others to go there too via reflection.

646. There are very few things we watch in our lives without being compelled to take sides, to label it good or bad or call it wrong or right. These terms give us false security of ‘knowing where we stand’ but the truth as you show Anonymous is that when we take these points of view we are divided and seperate from life. From this point all sorts of complication comes in. This attachment to judgement feels like the ultimate comfort blanket to me.

647. ‘It dissolved the picture of how we have to be and freed the both of us to simply be ourselves’. I have only fairly recently clocked how damaging it is to live life from a series of expectations based on the pictures we have formed about how life ‘should’ be – how very imposing on ourselves and on others! Letting go of these pictures and allowing events to unfold without knowing what the end result will be takes an element of surrender and trust but makes life so much more simple with far less tension.

648. It can be so easy for me to go into reaction through my hurts and dump what ever I feel onto another person, but clocking it and staying connected as much as possible has allowed me to stay more observant of the situation and deal with it.

649. Anon, this is such a great example of how staying with yourself and giving space to the situation opened up the opportunity for honest communication without judgement.

650. Anonymous, great to read your article, ‘To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.’ I love this, I am working on not reacting at the moment so this is really helpful, I have realised that if I do not react and simply observe that I stay aware and have understanding and am not in the judgment and criticism and feeling lost as to what to do or say, it feels very different and very calm and still to simply observe and respond compared to the panic, anxiousness and confusion that seems to come with reacting.

651. This way of being strips out the hurts of the past, it removes the images of how things should be, and so you are left with what is going on in the moment and all of you is there to observe it… and that opens up a whole new and rather magical space for things to happen.

652. ‘When we are willing to observe, we are willing to develop a relationship with the world that has no judgement in it’. I can feel how in the past I was super judgemental of myself as well as others which of course led me into reaction every time. But I am learning, learning not to react and judge by staying present and in connection with my body through the simple tools of self-care and deep self-nurture.

653. We can support each other if we observe and be open to the reason behind things – looking at why we make the choices we make without judgement. And as we continue to develop this quality of relationship with ourselves and each other, it becomes more normal to talk and open up to one another –
     Just as in this experience.

654. As you say, Anonymous, when we do not impose onto young people and they let us into their world, a deeper level of trust can develop that creates a solid foundation for the relationship.

655. ‘In essence, speaking in reaction like this is our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt’ We have so often brushed over a hurt and just carried on that these hurts go unnoticed by us unless we consciously choose to feel what is going on in our bodies – these feelings are the ones to pay attention to not the words that come out or the behaviours that piggyback the bodies first response or just take over from it ignoring where the source of the dis-ease came from. In this we gain understanding and can more easily accept where we are all at and allow the love to flow again.

656. What an incredible shift in communication and hence in the quality of your relationship with your son by being able to take a step back from the emotions, see them, feel them but not react from them. You offer us such a powerful example of how, when we are able to pull back from the automatic habit and instead observe how our body feels, what emotions have been triggered in us and what must be happening for the other person, it brings an enormous spaciousness to the situation that enables everyone involved to speak honestly without charge, accusation or blame. And then we give each other the precious opportunity to change our world forever, to bring understanding, appreciation, honesty and love into the core of our relationships, precious qualities that heal our trust and respect of our selves and of one another. Observation is an essential part of our evolution.

657. Do we spend most of our lives reacting to the world we live in? What if, we observe then reply from truth rather than reaction?

     1. Great point Steve I would say yes currently we do spend more time reacting to the world we live in rather than taking a step back and observing. This does not mean we don’t care just that by observing we are not adding to it but instead giving it space to truly feel what is going on. With the increase in social media I would say probably about 99.9% of us read and react instead of observe and respond. If we changed just this it would make a huge difference.

658. By observing we enter a space that provides us so much more then when we react from our emotions or previous experiences in which we only receive a limited view and in that are not able to meet one another on a deeper level, that level where an understanding and equality can be felt.

659. “To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.” Living with this is a foundation to live ‘doing the world’ rather ‘the world doing me’.

660. Working and living with awareness of our patterns of reaction, but not governed by them… yes this is an inspiring article.

661. There are so many levels of learning in this article, I will read it again many times I am sure. What I love is the practical way you have presented the difference between reaction and observation and response. Also that there is no clean slate we have to wait for; we work wisely and lovingly with everything that comes up, accepting the opportunity and blessing of another moment to learn. Thank you.

662. We often say the words ‘observe not absorb’ but not always live it. What you share Anonymous is ‘ observation in action’ and how when truly lived, it supports both observer and observed. The situation you describe with your son had the potential to be explosive and divisive, yet instead was transforming and a point of evolution for your son and yourself, simply because what you brought to him was open non-judgemental expression. A joy to read.

663. “To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.” What a beautiful way of living – observing seem to be so much more relaxing than all the reaction we chose to have – which are only very exhausting in the end.

664. What I remember in reading this is the reaction of a friend to a few of us being late to meet him one time, there was not an ounce of anger or reaction in us having missed a flight to get to our rendezvous, he was completely chilled and ready to catch up with us. I remember how his lack of reaction put us all at ease and allowed us to enjoy each others company. Bringing that quality of openness and ease with oneself has such a huge knock on effect on other people, and not reacting feels so good in my own body, it makes me realise how much of an effect there is when I leave observation mode, creating tension and disharmony that simply need not be there.

665. Well said: “…speaking in reaction like this is our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt.”
     What if, every time we realised we’ve reacted – to the point of the angry, hard, judgemental or frustrated word being spoken – we pulled up the horses and put the brakes on… being willing to look at what just occurred, and where it came from?
     Your words here anonymous are a deep call to the responsibility we all hold, to do no harm – the way of ‘ahimsa’ as Buddhism has termed it.

666. What you’ve shared here about how communicating from reaction has been so normalised is powerful. What if our education, as a ‘101’ – both within our families and at our schools – taught us to deal with our reactions? To not suppress them, to be willing to look that step deeper at why we may be reacting, what’s going on for us? To develop our ability to actually be the observer in life, as you say anonymous…
     How greatly this would serve all, and how awesome that this way of being is developing in your relationship with your son.

667. Anonymous I greatly appreciate how you have shared from the wisdom of your body. My body received the information and has assimilated it, I now have more knowledge readily available to me, to support me to make different choices in my relationships. This is how we share wisdom, from body to body. Keep sharing your wisdom with every-body.

668. Observing leaves no room for judgement but bucket loads of understanding that is crucial in the world we live today.

669. So amazing to feel the power of allowing your son to express what was going on for him as not only did it offer him acceptance but is offers the possibility of breaking a cycle between parent and children and then in turn their children later in their life when they repeat the same patterns, or in this case, not repeat the same patterns.

670. There is so much healing in this. We feel the judgement and protection of others, the lovelessness in the world, and go into reaction, joining the lovelessness. It is so very healing to just observe and to speak without reaction. The deepening of your relationship was beautiful to read.

671. “…and immediately my understanding of him deepened because we were communicating with words rather than with just outbursts of emotions followed with periods of non-communication” – so well captured, and not just from a family perspective, but also equally applicable in the office/work space too. Communication is key, though the difference when it is without reaction or emotion, is so huge, and so healing too.

672. Such a great blog and I could read this every morning to keep my awareness open to observing and allowing life to be and accepting it for where it is and people’s choices. Having that space to just view it for what it is and not to go into any form of hardening, defense and protection by the reactions of absorbing life. This is one that I keep wanting to refine and refine even more and boy oh boy does the body feel so much better for it.

673. Today I was clocking just how often I react. It happens a lot. Even to simply acknowledge’ to myself that I’m reacting gives me time and space to choose a different response.

674. This is an awesome sharing, one I really needed to read today having spent most of my time with my daughter in reaction and it literally kills my body to be like this, it is not a feasible way to continue.

     1. I can so relate to how reactions are killing us Vanessa, I am really beginning to feel how poisonous they really are.

675. To be an observer of life allows us the space to respond to life in a way that is needed and serves all – it is wise to observe life and to not absorb life through reactions and wanting it to be other than it is.

676. I say let’s all give a big ‘yes tick’ to being an observer! After reading your beautifully written, inspiring blog, who (in their right mind) wouldn’t?

677. An inspiring example of observing and not absorbing. Through this your son will know that he can be honest with you and you will listen without reacting, and have therefor strengthened you connecting to each other.

678. ‘I was let into my son’s world more deeply, a side he has never verbalised or shared with me, and immediately my understanding of him deepened because we were communicating with words rather than with just outbursts of emotions followed with periods of non-communication.’ Thank you for sharing what you have learned as I find this incredibly inspiring. Letting go of the need to react and making the choice to simply stay with it is indeed the way to go as it allows the space for everything to be seen and responded to.

679. Thank you for exposing how often it is the fact that we are unwilling to recognise the hurt that lies underneath something that causes us to react to a situation. I can feel how true that is for me and how although I more consistently choose not to absorb what is happening around me there are certain situations which I find far more challenging and this is when I feel hurt or unappreciated.

680. As I go through life, I have realized there is so much hurt I have not been honest to myself about. These hurts do not simply go away, they are being kept in the body. Being observant without connection is a familiar pattern, but what has been observed when kept and not expressed, is deep harm because what is observed never belongs to us, it is simply to be expressed.

681. Many of us are living with dis-ease in our own bodies from what we have absorbed that is not ours to begin with. Absorbing emotions or situations around us is a health hazard and does not truly support another. Feeling everything from a place of observation allows a space to feel it all and know how to respond. The teaching ‘observe and not absorb’ from Serge Benhayon if lived is the way we can truly bring a deeper understanding.

682. It is so lovely to read how by you choosing to observe rather than absorb your son had the space to express what was actually going on for him. This is such a gift for any child in a world where the majority of parents (myself included) usually react with fear and anger if a child does something unexpected like this. To be truly heard is what we all want but so often we create the circumstances that make this impossible, thank you for sharing the deepening of your relationship with your son and your commitment to let go of your hurts and expectations and truly listen.

683. As parents we can really smother the potential for hearing what our kids really feel. We can come with so many ideas about how they should be, think or act which doesn’t allow them the space to express what they actually feel. It’s a bit crazy really as all parents would say they want to love and support their kids as best they can. Yet our judgments and reactions can get in the way and end up doing the exact opposite.

     1. Really listening to our children and allowing them the space to express, expressing to them in an equal and unified way is our responsibility as parents. Children react when they know we can deliver this but hold back in doing so.

684. A beautiful example of when we choose to communicate without reaction our relationships, our connection with each other can deepen and grow. We can never see the truth of a situation from a point of judgment or reaction.

685. It is amazing how carrying hurts causes us to have to navigate life and avoid certain situations, as your son, Anonymous, had to avoid the art class because of a hurtful incident, and as we all avoid certain things but setting up ideals that must be met by others around us so that it will be safe for us. In the latter case it is the ideal that hurts when it is broken which then adds to and compounds the cache of hurts that we carry. All we have to do is be willing to let go the hurts.

686. It’s wonderful Anon, that your son feels safe enough that he is willing to be open and able to express his vulnerability with you. Keeping the doors of communication open, by listening, being the observer and not getting caught up in reaction, is a wonderful opportunity for your relationship with your son to keep deepening and evolving.

     1. Feeling safe to express to another is a blessing and a gift in our world that is so full of protection and defence. Deirdre, I love what you have said about allowing our vulnerability to show and then communicating from there.

687. I love how you’ve recognised the foundation that you build together: “He does not have an amicable relationship with his teacher and therefore has expressed to me his reluctance to go to the class. We have come a long way in our relationship with each other for him to be able to share his feelings this honestly with me.”. Without the capacity / choice to observe that sharing his feelings so honestly with you, is indeed a testimony of the loving relationship based on trust that you’ve build together. And because of this foundation you were able to stay with yourself when he didn’t go to class. How beautiful that he wasn’t blamed, but that he actually started the conversation and shared what went on inside of him. Two people enriching their life by being true to their choices for that moment. How amazing to be able to see and listen to each other what actually is going on for both. Thank you for sharing!

688. Emotions are the cloud we use to cover up the love we are, and in turn the incredible love and wisdom we can offer.

689. Anonymous this is a powerful sharing…to observe and not absorb life…I agree that our world is full of us getting hurt and reacting, its a vicious cycle. Mostly we are no longer even aware that we are reacting from a hurt. To take the step to observe gives us space, the space to feel what is happening within us, recognising the hurt, feeling it and then when we go to communicate with another, something quite remarkable can happen, we respond to the other and it opens up for deeper connection…this simple way of being to observe, is actually profound.
     Anonymous you share how we can relate with our children and those close to us, and take this out to everyone…imagine a world of responding rather than reacting…what would happen to our hurts?

690. One of the biggest things missing in our relationships and society today is the ability to observe and therefore understand each other. We are like pin balls bouncing around a machine, constantly reacting to one another. And in that, no one really is heard or feels understood.

691. It can often feel ingrained in us to instantly react – often saying that we don’t have time to stop and consider any other kind of response. For me what i have learnt is that over the years, the more time i take to see and feel my reactions, and how I can harbour them and what things set me off, I very very slowly become able to catch myself – at first it was hours later, then a few minutes, then as I reacted and then, finally, I could begin at times to catch myself before I reacted and would give myself space in that moment to choose to respond – and in responding I was observing the situation unfolding before me and letting it wash around me, rather than bowling me over and taking me with it. I am by no means perfect and reaction is still very much a part of my life, but being able to create the space to observe in a situation in so supportive.

     1. I too am on the slowly slowly path Rebecca and how you describe the development from being blown over and taken over by the reaction to responding is beautiful and well worth the effort and dedication to live in a different way.

692. This is beautiful Anonymous and shows us the power we have to connect to another when we don’t go into a reaction, by giving them the opportunity to open up and be honest about how they are feeling also with out reacting. The more I practice this, the more I am amazed at the magic that can happen by giving another the space to be who they are and to express how they truly feel.

693. Withdrawing from life and others is so normalised to us and around us that we may not even realise the detriment and toll this takes on us and our bodies, on our relationships too. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your blog Anonymous as you have inspired me to nominate more clearly the hurts that come up for me, so as to not hold onto them, bury them or go instantly into the reaction that ‘I should be Ok with them already’. It’s clear to me that we can easily think we have observed but have actually (very clearly) still been living in the reaction and again, this has a toll on our whole wellbeing and life.

694. A truly great blog on observation. On the surface observation may seem cold and disconnected but this is very far from the truth and is exactly the opposite of what is truly going on. For when we go get caught up in the emotion and judge we automatically become part of that situation even though we have not been there, literally. It reminds me of another great saying by Serge Benhayon..”Swim like a fish in the sea and not get wet”. Your blog anonymous is saying exactly that. But in this it allows for the deepening of the relationship, the understanding of your son, but also his own understanding of his own situation. Pure evolution. Observation is of great benefit for all, without any sense of self.

695. “In essence, speaking in reaction like this is our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt.” When I react to something, I now take it as a cue to look underneath to see what the hurt is, what is there that I haven’t healed within myself.

696. When I observe, instead of react which is a very old pattern of behaviour for me, every thing changes. The way that I respond and those around me respond is so different that it is astounding. When I allow instead of trying to control the situation and bring understanding to each and every part, the way things work out is beautiful. But to be honest, the old patterns of reacting and controlling are well ingrained into my way of being so it takes awareness to crack it and no just do the same thing over and over.

697. This is beautiful. The opening paragraph is gold and gave me much to ponder and reflect on. “When we are willing to observe, we are willing to develop a relationship with the world that has no judgement in it. To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.”

698. The story of the evolving relationship between you and your son is touching. What a gorgeous space is offered for the relationship to be open and deepen when we commit on our part to love and understanding instead expectation, judgement and reaction. There is a big difference when we choose to simply observe life in this way and without absorbing being swept into the dynamics that are in that moment being played out.

699. Reactions we have to situations, cloud our awareness, if we do not observe how can we discern the truth of a situation, we are left in a cloud of emotions. Observation is so empowering and does offer us a way of living without judgement and feeling the truth of what s presented and how we feel. Personally, I still feel deeply, am warm, vital and connected, I just do less of the dumping, and stress my body out a whole lot less through observation and not emotional reactions.

700. ‘Immediately with our choice to communicate in this way, our connection deepened even more.’ – The change that can happen when we choose to let our guards down and connect with all that is true for us in that moment, no matter how scary it sometimes is to feel raw and fragile, is profound.

701. To not constantly feel hurt and subsequently go into reaction took me a lot of support through friends and healing sessions and the willingness to actually look at and deal with my hurts. But it has paid off because I mostly have the freedom now to respond to another instead of being at the mercy of my emotions.

702. Just a joy to read! To hear this openness, true care and love is so refreshing especially with the amount of reactions, emotions and issues we hear so many relationships having. Thank you for sharing. It has been inspiring

703. It goes to show how much more we can connect with and understand about others when we are aware of our hurts or emotional reactions and don’t let them run away with us but instead stay open and communicate without the loading of those emotions.

     1. I agree Fiona. The ‘loading of emotions’ is such a great way to put it as that’s exactly what it is. A heavy weight that we put or even dump onto others to lessen our own load. But how damaging is this? If we realised what we were doing energetically we would never allow this to happen.

704. The beauty of communication and trust….

705. I have found looking at my part in what is going is so important for if I change my way it allows others to change theirs and through communicating not from reaction a whole deeper level in relationship can be there. My body too shows me when I react and when I am in observation, what a great teacher. Thank you for sharing how observing rather than reacting can bring such change and allow growth all round.

706. By staying present and not pulling in judgement around the situation, you kept space open for your son to express freely. What a great marker for you both.

707. Awesome anonymous. I love this …’Inspired by the body’s wisdom to continuously feel and express deeper in commitment to observing, understanding and not absorbing life’, now I am inspired too. How different the world would be if we all expressed like this to one another all of the time. I am beginning to learn how to observe, and respond instead of reacting starting with honesty with myself which then leads to honesty with others. It sometimes takes a brave step to take the first step, but when I do things open up beautifully and a deeper sharing can be had by all.

     1. Starting with honesty with oneself is the foundation for communication based on truth.

708. ‘To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.’
     I have been noticing how much I choose a reaction when my husband talks to me about certain subjects, I have been observing this a little more closely lately. What I am trying to do now is asking more questions before I jump the gun, if I feel a reaction, I ask another question, so far it has helped me understand more of where he is coming from.

709. It is through observation that we gain understanding, but only if such observation is done with a truly open heart. In other words, to truly observe is to be open to feeling everything, but in that realising that what you are feeling is not part of you. In other words, observe, but not absorb, and you will know the truth of all things.

     1. ‘Observe and not absorb’ – words shared many a time by Serge Benhayon, and that are a constant, inspirational underpinning for the way we can live our lives, since the first moment I heard them…

710. In order to truly observe we have to let go of any picture or attachment to outcome, hurt we have. I find your blog very inspiring;to stay with yourself, feel what is coming up for you to feel and then you were open to hear what ever played out in your son’s live. There was no need in you to help him, or go in sympathy. As a result you have offered him understanding and love.

711. Thank you Anon for such a powerful expose of how our reactions get in the way of expressing what we really feel which is usually our hurt and fear.

712. Beautiful sharing! Observing is such a powerful tool when we plan to not react anymore (or less react – to start with 😉 ) to this crazy world. Observing, when done in connection and not used to withdraw, gives space. A space we than can use to see more clearly and have a wider view.

     1. I love this – ‘less react to start with’ let’s be honest not reacting seems far too massive a task initially, taking steps to react less is the stepping stone needed even to see all the different ways we react. In the past I would have said reacting was an outburst of anger but now I can hear subtle changes in my tone of voice the moment I have gone into reaction.

713. Observing and not absorbing what we feel in life is a tremendous lesson for us all and requires a steady commitment to feel everything.

     1. I agree Abby, it is one of the greatest treasures to have in this world if we can allow ourselves the space to observe and not absorb, to stay present and detached but feeling and warm-hearted at the same time, as it delivers so much insight and understanding.

        1. It is an amazing feeling being in a body that is warm-hearted and being present, as you have said, Judith. To not be affected by the outside world does allow us a fresh view of humanity.

        2. Yes, totally agree. As demonstrated in this blog it deepens and enhances relationships.

714. “In essence, speaking in reaction like this is our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt.” – behind every reaction is a hurt and if we don’t give ourselves an opportunity to feel it, we react or withdraw or behave in some other unloving way that doesn’t help communication between ourselves and others.

715. Reaction was a way of life for me once, careening from one reaction to the next, not knowing how to arrest the growing momentum. Stopping and observing and yes, asking rather than assuming have been pattern breakers for me. It was difficult to ask at first but straight out asking and saying how we are feeling takes away the guesswork and the stories the mind concocts and delivers what is actually there in its truth and simplicity.

716. This is a great insight in how we can take our relationships deeper with each other. Through reacting we stay on the surface, bouncing off each other’s reaction, when we allow ourselves to feel what is underneath we allow each other and ourselves to reveal more of how we truly feel, who we truly are, and bring understanding to and for each other.

     1. This is a very accessible explanation of the difference between reaction and observation, Esther. From the superficiality and limitation of reaction, to the opening up of a potential in relationships that will take us places we have never been before!

717. Going into reaction and we have already lost the space and opportunity for true learning, instead fueling the disharmony and the dynamic at play. In holding and observing lies the possibility of understanding and a step closer to truth for everyone.

718. When we are quick to react it is impossible to feel and see the broader aspects that are at play in any situation – it brings everything down to a one dimensional interaction, rather than the multidimensional space that opens up when we are in the beautiful simplicity of observation.

719. ‘To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us’ …. just love the wisdom you share here, pulling me to feel first, and think later. Thank you.

720. I deeply appreciated reading your very open and honest sharing, Anonymous. Not reacting is something I still find very challenging, particularly when another’s behaviour is completely unexpected and dis-honouring of them and me. The grace with which you handled the situation with your son is very inspiring. You have made your blog so relatable by giving such a practical example, thank you.

721. Observation is such an important thing to develop, as by creating space between us and what happens around us there is an opportunity to have clarity and understanding during situations like the one you shared rather than being involved in the drama or stress.

722. Thank you Anon, what a wonderful story and learning. What I felt as I read was how you offered space to yourself and your son, and how liberating, healing, expanding and indeed joyful that is.

723. Key to being an observer and understanding of a situation is our willingness to feel the hurt without judgment or any desire to alleviate it; it is a kind of raw honesty that has no self in it. I find your account deeply moving and very inspiring, thank you. There is a beautiful immediacy here that I appreciate a lot.

724. It is powerful to bring understanding to another when they are expressing from a hurt but we can only do this when we take a step back and stop personalising their reaction. The story you have shared beautifully demonstrates this Anonymous.

725. This is a beautiful example of how powerful it is when we take responsibility for our reactions and responses, holding steady in ourselves and our connection to what feels true. We can then observe life from a solid foundation of knowing.

726. I love this line, something to definitely ponder on, ‘When we are willing to observe, we are willing to develop a relationship with the world that has no judgement in it.’ I feel sometimes it is quite a hard thing to do, not go into some form of reaction, even only if a small amount, especially when it’s with regards to children and their safety. You could have gone into worry or panic regarding if he was alright, if he didn’t turn up to his art class where was he, why didn’t he go etc and allow all kinds of thoughts to come in and affect you but you didn’t. It sounds like you stayed calm, honoured your feelings and just stayed with what you were doing in that moment, with friends, walking, and then getting a ferry. Because of this when you arrived home your son was not greeted with anger or frustration but instead felt he could share with you at a deeper level in turn taking your relationship deeper than it had been before. This is a great learning for us in how observation stops both judgement and reaction and allows the opportunity for further evolution, especially with relationships. Thanks for sharing.

727. We are so used to reacting in life we don’t always realise it is there until we can develop our skills of self observation, i.e. feeling everything we speak. How amazing that you were able to listen to your son in a way that gave him permission to tell the truth instead of what he might have thought you wanted to hear.

728. I like this blog, if we need another to be a certain way for us, there is no love, and we cannot truly understand what’s really going on for them, without sympathy, as we are making it all about ourselves.

729. Thank you Anonymous. These little steps are in fact huge and can build true and solid relationships. Your commitment here could herald a new way of being for you and your son. Very inspiring.

730. We are connected to a well of joy within, and looking out from here it is obvious that there are a lot of situations in the world where this is not evident – so thank you for sharing our personal responsibility, to be connected to this joy.

731. Recently I had a moment where I could have reacted but instead chose, and it is a choice to just observe, and the deepening that occurred in the relationship because of it was profound. You are so correct in saying Anon that we use our reactions as tools to not feel what is going on for us.

732. Anonymous, great article, this is something that I am learning, ‘To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.’ Having reacted to a situation recently and feeling the awful consequences of this reaction I have been working on not reacting and instead observing and being aware of what is really going on, having understanding rather than judgment and so not going into my head about it all, this feels very different and I am left feeling me still, not crushed and not exhausted.

733. There is so much in what you have shared, as I raise our daughter these sorts of things will come up for us in that regard but also in my general communication with people in life. One part that I’ll be pondering on is; “It was by being present and being honest about my hurts that I found I could return to being observant by choice. ” rather than running from what is there, what our hurts may be, by staying and observing we deepen our connections with others.

734. “It was by being present and being honest about my hurts that I found I could return to being observant by choice.” So often I choose to ignore what I am feeling with a desire to bury my emotions and reactions, but by simply recognising them and staying observant I can see how it is possible to be more present with less judgment on others and myself. From there it makes sense that relationships can become deeper and more connected.

735. I have discovered that when I react, I complicate things and hinder my ability to get to the bottom of what is really going on. Being able to observe my reactions is a real skill that I too am developing. It’s clear that you have a relationship with your son that has him feeling safe and comfortable enough to share his feelings with you.

736. What I love about this sharing is how taking the time and space to feel how you feel allows you to more clearly communicate with and meet another with understanding, it’s no longer about one or the other being right but about an open curiosity to understand what is truly going on, and it starts with the honesty and responsibility to feel what exactly is going on with us. Great sharing, thank you.

737. A profound sharing Anonymous – as we learn to observe and not fall back into old reactions, everything can change, as with the communication with your son.

     1. Absolutely true Stephanie, falling back into old patterns for me is just, well…. an old pattern, and one that I am recognising daily. It is not a matter of breaking an old pattern it is just a choice to not go there anymore and move on!

738. I realise after reading this blog how important it is to appreciate how far we have come in a relationship that has deepened in connection and openness, as this greatly supports the awareness that we can extend this quality to all our relationships.

739. What a beautiful example Anon of the power of observing and the re-imprinting of conversations that would often come from reaction. Amazing to feel the potential that unfolds as these old patterns are undressed, now you and your son have felt together what is possible, nothing will ever be the same.

740. Gorgeous to read this blog today and very inspiring to feel how much space you allowed your son so that he expressed freely because you were not in judgement of him. And I can feel how much you are with and connected with your body in order to be an observer and not an absorber and what a precious gift you offer your son. This is a blog I plan to re-visit.

741. It’s important in these types of situations to avoid jumping to conclusions and letting the mind run off with a picture, as quite often the picture never matches the truth. Observing and asking what is the energy behind what ever is going on at the time often helps to keep an arms length with the potential emotion.

     1. My mind can be like a runaway train if I allow it the time to indulge in any type of possible outcome. Julie, this has been a great sharing by you, which has opened me up to feel how I can deepen my healing.

742. ” In essence, speaking in reaction like this is our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt.” Expressing how we feel is important. So many buried feelings can otherwise erupt at inappropriate moments. Observing and understanding where we are coming from – with love – is so important.

743. A beautiful sharing showing that giving ourselves space to observe allows us to not react and develops a deeper understanding of what is going on and a true connection with others . Thank you very inspiring.

744. I know its not an easy thing not to react to what our kids may get up to because sometimes what they do is designed to get a reaction but I’m sure being able to observe without reacting would become a very good parenting tool to build greater relationships with our kids.

745. What a beautiful example of a true and honouring way to communicate with each other that you shared here, Anonymous. Thank you – it is very instructive and inspiring.

746. Great example Anonymous of how being an observer allows space, and space allows for understanding that draws connection to develop and deepen relationships.

747. What a precious and priceless gift you gave yourself by becoming the observer, with any hint of a reaction soon being dissolved, and from this place you were able to express to your son your true feelings and to listen to what he had to say. All children, in fact anyone, wants is to be listened to and to be truly heard but this goes out the window when reaction is let in through the doorway of emotions.

748. My feeling is that observation offers space for people to be who they truly are – no judgements or expectations – and this is very powerful. In fact I would go further and say that a true act of observation is an act of love.

749. A super example of how not reacting can open the gates to such intimacy; super hard sometimes so super respect to you for maintaining that connection.

750. A very timely read for me today. I had a recent session with an Esoteric Practitioner where I was talking about my frustration and how I hadn’t really got to the bottom of it, I knew it was harming and supported no one, but I couldn’t stop the reaction in certain situations. I knew I was trying to control things but this didn’t stop me getting frustrated,. so when he said to me that you are hurt and not frustrated it was like a huge weight was taken off my shoulders and made complete sense, I was going straight into the frustration so that I didn’t have to recognise and accept the hurt I was really feeling. This was a real Aha moment and I could then step back and see where the hurt was and a very old pattern I used to not feel the hurt. Since then I have not been frustrated, learning as you have Anonymous to observe rather than react.

751. Your son choosing whether or not to attend the class with this teacher allowed him to deepen his knowing of what felt ok or not. You listening to him expressing his choice and being heard without judgement deepens your relationship. Great observation.

752. This is a great example of how we can change relationships by simply being the observer. It’s definitely the way to be; it brings spaciousness to any situation so that we all can breathe and express ourselves without fear and recrimination.

753. Great breakdown Anonymous of how reaction v observing and understanding works. I intend to implement more of what you share so wisely, as frustration is a place I can go to all too quickly! Thanks to you and your son for providing this beautiful example of what was ultimately a reaction-free interaction.

754. You have changed the way your son now observes the world he lives in, rather than be eaten by it as most of us have, many years ago.

755. I do so love how you have chosen to share this insight. I am so glad to have this example of detaching amd observing amd expressing from your wisdom and understanding of life, rather than needing him to have done any particular thing. this allowed him the space to express what he felt too, and be honest about it with you. A great way to be with each other where no one is getting hurt, or entangled in emotions.

756. I appreciate how lovingly you were able to stay in observation and not go into stress, judgement or anxiousness about your son. It shows how you are more detached from the common picture of mothering. This is inspirational.

757. We lap up movies and Tv shows and spend so much time ‘watching’. But we have a habit of identifying with dramas and character-driven plot lines, to the extent that we believe these to be real. We talk about returning to ‘real life’ away from TV but what your words show Anonymous is we have the same habit of indulging in a soap opera. The only way past this as you beautifully say is to feel and understand what makes us sad and upset in the first place.

758. “… by being present and being honest about my hurts that I found I could return to being observant by choice…” Is a great way of showing how taking responsibility is really about being honest with ourselves, and how this then changes everything in the way we interact with ourselves and with others… that we begin to respond rather than react in situations

759. Asking questions rather than assuming is certainly the way to go in all our relationships. I love the ageless wisdom teachings on observing and not absorbing; thank you Anonymous for sharing your experiences and wisdom. I love observant by choice;
     “It was by being present and being honest about my hurts that I found I could return to being observant by choice”.

760. Wow, the power of observation. I dearly loved reading your blog as I can very much relate to what you’ve shared. I have reacted to my children many times and this part is a great example of why ‘… In essence, speaking in reaction like this is our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt.’ this is brilliant, I have certainly experienced this.

761. You remind me how potent it is to not react but observe and seek to understand first… the outcome is so markedly different in my experience. The opportunity to deepen relationships this way is profound.

762. It is deeply beautiful to come to a place where you have developed such an understanding and appreciation of yourself, that you can surrender to being able to observe and allow another to be where they are and thus release them from the imposition that pictures and expectations can have on a relationship…. It is never too late to let go of what stands in the way of true communication.. and learn to express and develop your relationship like you now are.

763. One of the most important things i have learnt from Serge Benhayon is that ‘Love is an observation’.

764. Observation is an expansion of what is true and what is not for it allows the space to feel with honesty and understanding that we each feel the world in different ways and experience many different things throughout our lives. Surrendering to how we feel without reaction offers so much learning and I appreciate that wholeheartedly. Thank you Anonymous.

765. wow this clearly shows how being observant gives us the space to see what’s really going on rather than the narrowed vision that hurts restrict us to. We are much bigger than our hurts. Even though they may feel painful widening the focus we can observe a bigger picture which allows for love and understanding which dissolves the hurt.Sometimes I really want to hold on to the hurt because I’ve been using it to justify unloving behaviour. being loving with myself allows me to let go of them.

     1. Oh yes I can very much relate Karin, for I too sometimes have found that I want to hold onto a hurt, not wanting to let go, not wanting to take responsibility, not wanting to move forward. But I can feel how this old pattern is no longer gripping me as it once did, especially the more I trust in myself and this self-trust deepening every day creating the space for me to express even more of myself – which as you have written is ‘being loving with myself’.

766. Not going into judgement but being open to receiving what is truly before us is not a light task. Over the past few years I’ve been learning to observe and respond to life rather than react to life. The difference is stark in that one opens up the world and the other closes it down into a lesser, twisted version of what it actually is. The more I respond and say how I feel the more restrictive holding reactions and pictures of what is becomes more obvious.

767. There is such a massive difference in the quality of the communication we can have with others when we remove reaction from the conversation. Reaction attacks the other person and makes it very difficult for them to feel they can trust the space that is there to talk honestly. I have learned that you can pretty much say anything to most people if you do it from a loving intent, free from reaction.

     1. There is a vast difference in responding vs. reacting, your final point being one example. Well said, Stephen.

768. Thank you for sharing this – I’ve been feeling super reactive lately and by working on my observation, I can begin to work on my reactions and ultimately, myself.

     1. The very fact that you have observed that you have been reacting is the first, gigantic and most important step. This is the stop that is needed and then from there it is easy! So many of us don’t even realise that 99.9% of our actions are re-actions.

     2. I have also been feeling how I can go into reactions lately. As I become more alert to what this feels like in my body, it becomes easier to not go into an emotional reaction. I so relate Nick, it does come back to my association with myself.

769. To assume that we know what is going on can cause or increase breakdown in communication. True observation allows for true expression.

770. The moment we react we are at the mercy of our emotions, which pretty much always in my experience, spiral out of control into a situation that is difficult to bring back to even just having a balanced view. Understanding brings to us the grace of space between us and what is occurring. In his we have the opportunity to stop and take a step back which gives us the chance to respond and not react. In responding we don’t abandon ourselves to the emotion maelstrom, and instead are able to observe objectively and without judgement.

771. “In essence, speaking in reaction like this is our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt.” Nailed it. The blame and confronting tone that we can take in many situations is one of the greatest smoke screens to the fact that we are hurt. But instead of taking responsibility for our hurt so often we choose instead to lash out either overtly or with passive aggression, which really only accomplishes one thing: making someone else feel hurt too.

772. Observing instead of going into reaction is something I would really like to be able to do consistently – as I know how exhausting that is. Just a few days ago I experienced one of my familiar pattern of going into reaction which made me realise how that particular relationship was actually very superficial and functional and I have never actually allowed myself to feel what is truly going on therefore missing out on opportunity to deepen my relationship with them.

773. This is beautiful, showing us the importance of the relationship we have with ourself and thus the world around us, being in response instead of reaction brings space to express.

774. What a deeply beautiful blog Anonymous! You are a pioneer in building true relationships, going against the strong stream of the status quo. It has become the norm to emote loudly about everything – ‘ reactions of frustration and anger would have seemed quite normal to him as they were very often mirrored in the world around him, to the likely detriment of us all.’ This eruption of emoting all around us is probably the result of so many years of the status quo commanding a stiff upper lip and full-on suppression of reactions, rather than observation. Observation and feeling are sure-fire ways of understanding and developing deep relationships of love and equal-ness.

775. It’s absolutely amazing when, as a young man/woman, we are understood and spoken to as a friend rather than a lesser un-knowing individual.

     1. To be honored is great in every age I can tell from my -older- opinion. But I understand what you are saying here Michael. We use our ‘being older’ to claim we are wiser and with that we fall into the trap of arrogance. This is also because we are not accepting the laws of karma and reincarnation. The fact that we are coming back wipes all ‘older/younger’ themes from the table. Just that adults have more experience in THIS life and so can support. But that is also going on when we are older because there will always be someone more developed than another in the one or other field and so can reflect and inspire here. But this should never be a issue of ‘being better’ or ‘lesser’ at all!

        1. Thank you for building on this Sandra

776. Being able to hold ourselves within these kind of situations comes from our own Livingness with ourselves and then holds us in good stead when we are needed to hold that steadiness and love with another so that they can feel held and more open to sharing how they are truly feeling without all of the emotion, just a sharing of what actually happened. This is a very honouring and true way to be with others.

777. Communication is so much more open, and flows more harmoniously when we observe our bodies responses and express how we are feeling – there is a simplicity that creates space for everyone to express.

778. And doesn’t this set us up to fully understand one another without the colours that may paint the picture.

779. It is great that you were able to observe all the little changes of the whole discussion because then we can observe exactly when it is that we feel we ‘lose it’ and catch ourselves to not go into reaction. There is such power to make changes when we observe this, so it’s really great to honour and appreciate the difference we can all make with these types of situations.

780. I got totally caught the other day where I reacted to a tour bus that was riding my tail and flashing lights at me to move over. The reaction I had was from the unfairness and the energy of abuse it came with. I was doing the speed limit and there was no room for me to change lanes. Even though I do not condone the behaviour in hindsight I see he may have been running late that day. We reported the incidence to the bus company also as it was dangerous. Afterward I was shocked at how I reacted, but it allowed me to feel how easy it is to lose ourselves when we do not stay present or absorb what is coming at us. Great lesson.

781. When we surrender to what we are feeling, observe what is going on, let go of any pictures that we may hold, the truth is there for us to see. I saw so many paths that this situation could have gone down and most of them resulted in reacting and not allowing the truth to be heard. Amazing work, and very inspiring that you came to the truth. You can work with that.

782. I feel you have nailed it here anonymous … “In essence, speaking in reaction like this is our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt.” Observation gives us the space to feel and express without reaction, and also to bring a greater understanding to any situation. When we take things personally, we cannot truly observe or read what is going on.

783. I can relate to all that is shared here. To observe but not absorb what is going on around me has been a fundamental revelation in my life of late, and I have enormous gratitude to Serge Benhayon for imparting this teaching. Previously, I soaked up everything that was going on in the world around me; emotions, behaviours, thoughts etc. that were not mine but that I took on because I had no ‘filter’ and because I was always desperately trying to help other people and alleviate the pain that they were in, albeit at great expense to myself. It took me awhile to realise that the reason I took on so much from others was so that I didn’t have to deal with the pain that I carried deep within myself and did not, under any circumstance, what any of these deep seated hurts to see the light of day. So, like a saturated sponge I absorbed my way through life with the occasional hysterical outburst when the level of absorption got too much to handle and the weight of this too much to bear.

     When we learn to truly observe life, we are able to detach from the emotion of it all while staying deeply connected to what we and others are feeling. I cannot express enough how liberating this has been for me. It has been like swimming under water my whole life in a turbulent sea with great gulps of water in my lungs, only to bob up above surface to meet the warmth of the sun on my skin and heavenly breath fill my lungs once again.

     Humanity is drowning. It is true we save ourselves.

     1. This is absolutely amazing Liane, thank you for sharing. Can so relate as well. Often I have tried to make situations better because to feel any pain or see others in pain would be too much. How important is it to ‘observe and not absorb’ in order to truly feel, which sometimes may not feel nice either but as I am coming to learn it is far better to see what is really going on and not try and fix everything, perhaps being an observer is the way to true service.

784. Such an inspiring sharing highlighting how vital our relationship with honesty and truth is, if we are to truly be in a loving relationship with ourselves and all others. To observe is to be in surrender to universal truth. To simply feel what is of this truth and what is not and to be willing to respond with the truth that is felt, allows us the opportunity to return to love and deepen our relationship with love. As in each and every moment we are presented the opportunity for evolution for ourselves and with others, if we are open to it.

785. How beautiful to be given the space to express and be with ones decisions, rather than be judged and criticised for ones choices. When we are allowed to be who we are, it opens up the space for us to express what is happening as we feel safe to do so. Not all relationships are like this, and so there is much to celebrate when we share this is a friendship. Thank you Anonymous for this precious sharing.

786. Thank you anonymous,
     This is a very powerful article. Your sharing clearly shows that having a willingness to observe and understand is key to honest communication. This blog leaves me feeling very still, with a sense of not needing to pre-empt any thing. More a sense of taking myself to whatever is presenting and responding to what is there.

787. Young people are willing to express if we are willing to listen without judgment, which means not judging ourselves either, for being a not-so-great parent. Letting go of the pictures of expectation makes a huge difference and allows us to see and hear what is truly going on.

788. It’s great to see the power of observation being spoken about because it does give you the space to not run over a feeling. As this blog is saying the way we live and move supports us to observe, understand and not let a reaction keep running. There are many types and ways to react to things, you can have an audible and obvious reaction or you can have one that is very internal, held and more hidden. Is it important to not react, you could say yes but we aren’t mean to be perfect and so it’s not the reaction but the return from the reaction that’s the key. The deeper you live truly connected to how you are feeling and your movement with that will support you to drop the reaction you have had possibly in the next step. After all we all react but some of us don’t return from there while others return in the next step. This blog highlights the return and how it then supports relationships around us to deepen and bring in understanding.

789. There is such a deep awareness offered here, and I’m truly inspired by the power and solidity of the reflection you are offering. There is another way to communicate and understand each other and honouring what is true regarding how both people feel. Thank you.

790. Working on and healing our hurts allows for the space in which we are able to more deeply observe and relate from this place rather than from reaction. It requires a commitment to stay connected and is well worth the effort as our relationships deepen and grow.

791. It’s so inspiring to read how you communicate in your relationship with your son. This should be the blue print for communication in all relationships because “..with our choice to communicate in this way our connection deepened even more.”

792. I can feel the times where I have been able to let go of how I would like things to be and just observed, it allows you to respond with an openess and like you shared get to a deeper understanding of what is going on.

     1. So true MW. Letting go of conditions is huge. And even allowing ourselves to see and feel the condition we have or expections of how we need ourselves or others to be is a fabulous exercise. The beginning of letting it go, is first being willing to see what’s there.

793. It is so ingrained in us to react to our children when they are doing something that we may not like or feel comfortable with. Observing the situation and not reacting but asking in a respectful way for clarification of his behaviour has worked miracles in my relationship with my son. Of course i am not always perfect but the deepening of our relationship is confirmation that I am on the right track!

     1. Beautiful Anne. I am feeling that I could really use this approach with myself. All too often I find myself engaged in a battle in my own head, beating myself up for the choices I have made. I can see that if I observe and bring more love and understanding to myself I can change this relationship.

794. How wonderful for your son to be parented by somebody who’s willing to listen, even in moments where beliefs, ideals and pictures come into the occasion. We all would love to be heard and if we are, most of us are prepared to be fragile and open. To truly share what is going on. I’ve found that whenever I can feel the honesty and innocence within somebody, I immediately drop deeper into my own heart and understanding is right there. No patience to really listen and the unwillingness to share what is truly going on, leaves us with so much despair and loneliness. Which isn’t needed. Thank you for the inspiration.

     1. I agree Floris this is an absolute blessing for her son to be parented by someone who is willing to listen and not judge even in moments where it would be easy to react.

795. So much can be learnt by allowing the space to observe as events take place rather than to be caught in the moment of an emotional reaction. With observation and understanding we can reimprint our previous reactions and bring healing to a situation.

796. I know when I react to something or someone, I lose the ability to observe and understand the full picture and instead have made up my own inaccurate one.

     1. Reaction completely stops our clarity and does not allow us in that moment to read the situation clearly because we are already in it. At times I may be able to observe clearly and at other times I catch myself in reaction but even in that I know I am in reaction and know I am not with my still surrendered clarity. There’s always more to work on and unfold.

797. This is a great sharing in observation, and how we have a choice to not react. When we let go of needing things to be a picture and then hoping that picture is met, we don’t have anything to react too. A much deeper level of relationship can be reached if we observe.

798. Sometimes I feel when I get these reactive thoughts that I am wrong which makes me forget I have that choice to not express them verbally but stay with myself and observe. It is great to realise our thoughts are not our own and do not define us and that there is a choice which ones we express and which ones not.

799. Dear Anonymous, such a lovely sharing and what I felt was so beautiful was the sense of the space you held for your son to allow him to feel he could express without being judged. Very inspiring.

     1. Yes Jane, I noticed this too. By allowing space for oneself, it allows space for others.

     2. Its true Jane, as the door is opened the space is richly palpable.

     3. I agree Jane simply beautiful and very inspiring.

800. It is amazing how much when we truly let another person be and observe that they then open up as well. We so often lace or judge people with what we think or want them to be rather than simply connecting to the beauty they naturally are.

     1. Very true James. Very often we may find ourselves complaining that our relationships are superficial but we don’t often turn our attention to the way we hold and understand others.

        1. Exactly we can judge others yet not actually do the work ourselves – its like saying I will open up and love you but you have to prove you love me 1st.

801. Inspiring read, there is definitely more to ourselves than simply learning routine and function. W e are indeed very sensitive and for a child situations like you have described are very big. It must be an absolute blessing for him to feel like he can open up that much and share his feelings. If we all shared from our feeling this would develop a much needed trust that is missing from the threads that are woven all through society.

802. ‘To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.’ – Thanks for highlighting this important fact. We live in a world where reaction is the norm, and we learn to take on the world’s (other people’s) drama and we choose to get involved in stuff that is destined to keep us distracted and disconnected from ourselves, which then creates stress, tension and disharmony in our bodies, which in turn affects our relationships and everything else around us.

803. I have found it is so important to not presume we know what is going on for a young person. Asking is so much simpler and more respectful.

     1. Asking over assuming anyday!

     2. I agree Lucy… I have found this to be true time and time again. Whenever I make an assumption it falls completely flat, and in fact it is usually the exact opposite of what I have assumed.

        1. Yep, with you on that one!

     3. Or for any person. Often if we presume it is from our own perception or even our own hurts.

804. This again confirms how paramount our relationship with ourselves is, and how much it affects others.

805. Reacting and going into emotion is so common, it is what we see around us all the time but observing, understanding and not judging is still something that I am learning. Sometimes I am on track, and sometimes I am not.

     1. This is true for me too Rosie. At times I’ve nailed certain situations yet others when I’m off track simply expose that there is something there that needs addressing, to be looked at and felt into and some understanding.

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