Being an Observer

When we are willing to observe, we are willing to develop a relationship with the world that has no judgement in it. To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.

Yesterday I went to town with my son. I had a meeting with a friend and my son had a drawing class to go to. He does not have an amicable relationship with his teacher and therefore has expressed to me his reluctance to go to the class. We have come a long way in our relationship with each other for him to be able to share his feelings this honestly with me.

I immediately appreciated how far we have come and the quality of the connection between us.

This deeper connection between us developed with understanding and acceptance of each other. Coming to a deeper understanding and appreciation of myself, as well as my son’s development, is a very beautiful surrender. It dissolved the picture of how we have to be and freed the both of us to simply be ourselves and, with each choice we make, to continue to trust more deeply who we are. In this process there is an absence of a picture or an expectation of what this development looks like, especially in regards to having a time frame.

So yesterday, after we parted ways, I simply felt a very solid trust with myself and with him. A few hours later, into the evening, when I was having dinner with a group of friends, I received a text message from my son’s art teacher informing me that he did not show up for the class.

Immediately many thoughts flooded my mind, such as “How could he?”, “What?!?”, “Is he okay?” etc., but without reacting to these thoughts I stayed with myself and simply observed. I allowed myself a moment, and as I was still having dinner with friends, I simply allowed myself to sit with the feelings.

I felt the time I needed to leave, did not rush or delay it, said goodbye to my friends and throughout the walk towards the pier where I was going to take the ferry home, I continued to observe the feelings that arose. I could feel that there was a very faint lingering of a pattern of going into sadness from the reaction of being let down, which I simply surrendered more deeply into feeling.

After the ferry ride I had to take a bus home, and I received a phone call from my son. His voice was not audible in the call and I told him so, although I knew he was talking to me. When his voice did come through momentarily, it was a high-pitched shout, in reaction to him not being heard. And yet, as I was already in observation mode from the restaurant, I was still able to simply observe and no feelings of hurt arose as a result of the tone of his voice.

The moment I walked into the door of my home, my son came out to greet me in a joyful mood. Without judgement, I simply expressed, “There must be something you are feeling very stressed about if you chose not to go to class today, and I would like to understand what it is.” I also expressed how I felt finding this out from a third party. Because there was no judgement, my son communicated openly that he did go to his class, but while he was walking in he suddenly remembered a hurtful episode from his last class when he felt the teacher was not understanding and respectful of him, so he decided to go home.

This was probably the first communication between us that, even though we were touching on a topic that felt hurtful, we chose to express without reaction. Immediately with our choice to communicate in this way, our connection deepened even more. I was let into my son’s world more deeply, a side he has never verbalised or shared with me, and immediately my understanding of him deepened because we were communicating with words rather than with just outbursts of emotions followed with periods of non-communication.

An observation I have gathered from my relationship with the city I grew up in is that communicating from reactions – for example, speaking with sarcasm, frustration, outrage and with a sense of withdrawal – is an ingrained and normalised way of being.

Hence, my son’s previous reactions of frustration and anger would have seemed quite normal to him as they were very often mirrored in the world around him, to the likely detriment of us all.

… In essence, speaking in reaction like this is our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt.

It was by being present and being honest about my hurts that I found I could return to being observant by choice. Therefore it is very clear that this is what I will move into next in communication with my son and, from there, all others.

Inspired by the body’s wisdom to continuously feel and express deeper in commitment to observing, understanding and not absorbing life.

By Anonymous

Further Reading:
Learning to Observe and Not Absorb Life
The Science of hurts
To Observe and Not absorb

791 thoughts on “Being an Observer

  1. It is to not let our own hurts to be the focus. To feel our hurts and meanwhile feeling seeing understanding the other too.

  2. Taking more responsibility for the source of my reactions has begun to change my relationship with my children. It is amazing and a bit shocking how much I used interactions with them to fill up an emptiness I didn’t want to deal with.

  3. Gorgeous blog, there is such a depth of understanding to come to when we choose to observe and allow all to be shared honestly.

  4. It is deeply healing to come to a place where you become honest about what you are feeling and take responsibility for your hurts and reactions so to not only not impose them on another but also address and let go of what stands in the way of true communication. A beautiful start to deepen any relationship.

  5. It seems like, being an observer you actually ‘see’ more of the whole picture of what is going on, as a reaction narrows down this vision so you only see a part of the whole situation. And in being in the observation of something, you actually have the capacity to meet the other person truly, which gives them to opportunity to arrest and pull them up and out of their reaction of there being a ‘right’ or a ‘wrong’.

  6. The problem with reacting, and trust me I do my fair share of it, is that we immediately reduce our capability to understand a situation in full, for already our perception of the situation is coloured by our frustration or other reaction to what we are seeing.

  7. Observing is not only making you just receive that what is there to be seen and communicated but it also gives others the opportunity to do the same, to not go into reaction but invited to connect with themselves instead.

    1. Absolutely Nico, by observing life and situations instead of absorbing, we are able to offer clarity, understanding and healing. We are all capable of healing and expressing truth when we simply observe and live from a place of love.

  8. Throughout my childhood and most of my adult life I gave my power away by absorbing what was going on around me. From this I often felt imprisoned by fear and was not able to see life with clarity or love. In this state I was contributing to the hurts and the unloving choices, cementing them instead of exposing the hurts and choosing to heal. Now, I am learning to observe and not absorb, and it feels very empowering and deeply healing. This is one of many, many amazing tools I have learnt from attending Universal Medicine.

  9. When we are in reaction it is always a reaction that we are not in our fullness and we are resisting to take more responsibility to go deeper into more awareness.

    1. And thus ‘reaction’ – if we are being responsible – can be our friend because it is a warning sign of something that we haven’t dealt with. But the key in this is responsibility. Are we prepared to see it as an exposure of an issue in our own choices…or do we stay in the comfort and ease of reaction which enables us to avoid doing our own homework?

  10. Having a willingness to understand another allows us to observe and not absorb, it is true responsibility, as when we react we absorb that which is not from our essence affecting the quality of our movements and creating harm instead of healing.

  11. Observing with no judgement is something I am learning to live, and this naturally helps me to not absorb or go into reaction; bringing in understanding and acceptance helps with this.

  12. Anonymous, this is really interesting, ‘In essence, speaking in reaction like this is our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt.’ i can feel how I have this in my family, that I feel hurt and go into reaction rather than observing and staying practical and so then I have found that if I am in reaction it is impossible to have an open, loving conversation about what is really going on, thank you for making this clear.

  13. A powerful message that shows that even if we may initially react to a situation as soon as we stop and observe without judgement or criticism the truth is revealed. Once we react we are not able to see the truth and bring understanding to the situation because we have laced it in our hurts and pictures of past experiences.

    1. I still react… often. The reactions are less explosive, but nonetheless, I still react. Even when I react, what has changed though, is how I hold myself, rather than going into a full-blown reaction of self-judgement on the reaction, I can now simply acknowledge that I have reacted or express what I am feeling. I truly appreciate the process of being a student in life.

  14. I am loving becoming an observer; a far cry from the days when I would go into reaction in an instant and then wonder why everything would begin to escalate, especially the emotions that would bubble up and out of me at great speed. These days if I feel even a hint of going into a reaction I know to stop and observe what is going on around me and inside me, and then take my time to respond, but like any changes in our lives, it often takes time to totally dismantle the old and begin to live the new.

  15. I love this story, it beautifully demonstrates the deeper level of connection we can share with each other if we observe and not absorb. You can see the game we can fall into when we chose to react to emotion and then respond from that same place.

  16. Choosing to be the observer through using our forgotten and wonderful 6th sense, clairsentience, is a game-changer. In fact it says ‘no’ to the game of creation. I have been dedicated to observing myself (and others) and what lies underneath every event. Sometimes I am unable to feel what I am carrying from the past but find that if I am willing for this to be revealed it inevitably is, maybe not on the spot, but the revelation comes without fail. The everyday miracles that come as a result of naming and feeling what we carry is spectacular!

    1. Thank you Lyndy. Your comment reminds me how open and light my body feels when I allow myself to playfully observe life.

  17. The more I am learning to observe the more I am becoming aware of how little I do so, how deeply automatic and engrained is the reaction that is sparked inside, or in fact living in one constant reaction. But now with the recognition of the constant reaction and protection comes the freedom to let it go… and in that is possible even greater observation and awareness.

  18. The responsibility of observation is immense. A few days ago I observed that I was being reactive but I also observed how my partner did not react towards my reactions and in observing that too, what I was being led by dissolved and I was able to be clear of the process as well as to go back and understand what brought me to the reaction. Reflections from each other are very precious and supportive.

  19. I appreciate each and every opportunity in catching myself in reaction, these are moments of gold for me to understand my momentums and where there are still voids for lifelessness to enter, it is wondrous to learn more about myself and to be able to choose if this is a momentum I wish to continue.

  20. Observing and not absorbing is something that I heard presented many, many years ago by Serge Benhayon and on numerous occasions since. I have found it to be an incredibly powerful and valuable teaching that has and continues to transform my life in many wonderful ways.

    1. I don’t think we can ever fully master it as there are always things that slip in, but I have experienced that with a true intent and awareness I am observing more and absorbing less and less. Benefits have included losing a lot of weight (to reach a very healthy weight), increased vitality and health as well as much more understanding, love and fun in my life and lots more – really worth it!

  21. When I observe myself going into reaction I observe that too and not react on the initial reaction, knowing there is no perfection in observation, and it is not about reaching a goal, but to equip myself with a steadiness that is very supportive in life. Whenever I have reached a certain level, life gives me another level to go to for more.

    1. Wise words Adele. In any given moment we each have the choice as to whether we allow ourselves to feel the depth of what is there, or not. Once we give ourselves permission to ‘feel it all’ we then have the choice whether we react to the situation by way of becoming emotionally involved, or whether we simply respond to it by deeply observing and feeling what exactly is at play. Far from aloofness or detachment, this unattached observation is what helps us steer a steady course through life and gives us the rock solid foundation that allows us to commit whole-heartedly to sharing our true self with the world.

  22. “To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.” This is so amazing this line, reacting to things that happen around us always diminishes who we are. We forget in that instant that we are love, that we hold everyone equally, that we can bring understanding. So being able to observe and not absorb is an incredible life teaching.

    1. Whenever I feel I am in reaction, I observe that the steps that have led me to there did not confirm my own love. And therefore, those steps I would not be choosing to take again. Our “forgetfulness” comes from our choices of moving in a way that is non-confirming and non-appreciating ourselves. And the most awesome thing is, even though we may have moved in a way which may not be confirming at times, we can still choose right at that moment to move right there back to Love and not wallow in what we call mistakes. The depth of what life offers us to learn is inspiring.

  23. I love the simplicity of, in essence, that when we speak from reaction it reveals our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt. So simple, and a great thing to be aware of and back track to the lovelessness or hurt underneath.

  24. Prior to coming to Universal medicine I had studied and learned many psychological, mental, physiological and energetic methods of cutting down the severity of reactions in life. Pretty much all of them involved numbing or distancing myself from the event.

    I was amazed from day one when Universal Medicine supported me to expand my understanding plus deepen my stillness and connection with my own essence, and this lead to a fundamental change in experience such that I had never experienced before, because not only was I no longer agitated, but I felt more connected with and loving of the person involved, no numbing or cutting off! I was amazed. This increased ability to stay connected with, understanding of and loving towards people and the world has turned my life round.

  25. Thank you Anonymous. I have found that my reactions stop me from seeing situations clearly. Reaction goes hand in hand with blame and when I begin to start blaming anyone and anything else for the way I feel I end up in more trouble than ever.

  26. Observing life whilst being fully engaged with it is the key to not absorbing it all and thus drowning in a false way to be.

  27. “To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.” This can be very challenging at times, I always go into situations with the intent to not react, but it does happen. I am finding that it is in going deeper and understanding why have I reacted, what is it that I have felt that I may not want to, or feel. It is in that process of choosing to feel more deeply what is really going on, that can assist us in not reacting to the same things next time.

  28. I often find that reactions stem from a picture I have of how life is supposed to be and when it’s not like that I can react, instead of accepting and observing.

  29. The beauty in learning to be an observer is the depth of awareness and understanding that is available when we choose to not react with emotion and stay open to seeing all that is being offered to respond to in each moment.

  30. There is such a beauty when you start to express with children and everyone as grown up beings and not pander to either behaviour nor age. We are all adult beings and very wise. Often we tend to treat children as not being able to understand certain things and we think we have to parent them but in many cases it’s actually them that carries the wisdom of many situations and we adults are the ones that can learn a lot from their innocent and open approach to life. If they are not met with this or allowed the space it’s easy for them to shut down and live in reaction to life and we get to see the retaliation in forms of certain challenging behaviours. But it’s just them showing that they don’t feel met.

  31. I am finding that to observe life rather than react is a surrender to all that is there to be shared and from that sharing we gain a greater understanding and expansion of the whole moment piece by piece. It is an expansion for us to make a choice and the willingness to see all that is being shared with an open heart.

  32. It is crucial to not take anything personally. Yet we need to build a platform within ourselves to support this – for example, we need to clear our hurts and build a foundation of value for ourselves, knowing that we are truly Sons of God. This greatly facilitates our ability to be able to observe and so come to truth instead of discord. The power of observation dissolves disharmony and brings on understanding.

  33. The art or science of observation is immensely powerful and totally underestimated. Reading your blog again Anonymous I could feel the depth of understanding and clarity we get by allowing ourselves the space to observe. In a split second reaction, whether it is anger frustration or judgement, we loose that connection to the bigger picture and what is really at play. I love the fact that by waiting and not rushing into anything you gave both you and your son the space to open up and reveal with honesty why he did not go to his class. We can all learn from what you have offered here.

  34. So beautiful to feel the depth of understanding we can go to, letting ourselves not be guided by false judgement but getting to the bottom of what is going on is only what is supporting us all to heal.

  35. Learning to truly observe situations, events and people (including ourselves) leads us to a greater understanding whereas reacting keeps our issues alive and much bigger than we are.

  36. It sounds such a simple statement… Observer without reacting… but let’s take it to bits… I know that I have started to do this and then to feel how reaction is embedded in so much of what I do… And of course simply being a microcosm of the world one can safely know that reaction is endemic and configures much of the disastrous interactions of our modern times

  37. When we observe and don’t react, things start to unfold in a wondrous and rewarding way; we don’t walk away with more scars from such situations but keep moving ahead and start healing the old hurts and battle wounds from our past experiences we otherwise carry with us.

  38. I keep coming back to this blog. Recently I am allowing myself to observe and the result is I get a deeper understanding of the other person. When I react I add complication that takes everything down a different path, and further away from any resolution of the original issue.

  39. This is super amazing. I often observe people in reaction and how judgement and hurt close off the intimacy that would otherwise be there with oneself and another. It’s a great reminder that if someone is shutting themselves off from me, I could do well to check where I’m at and if I’ve shut down communications.

  40. So beautiful to feel the unfoldment of your relationship with you son, from roles being played out to you both just being who you are as simply as two beings in the world, sharing a relationship that support you both to grow and evolve so you can be more of who you naturally and greatly are. When we meet another in truth emotions have no place. For wherever there is a meeting of hearts, we are always held by the embracing and ever deepening quality of love.

  41. The beauty of observation is the beautiful holding quality of our bodies connection to our every movement that then holds others and allows them to be themselves in full without a need or picture of how they should be. The beauty of holding and the intimacy in connection it brings is simply honesty at its finest and from that honesty we deepen our surrender to the all.

  42. Observing rather than absorbing, as taught by Serge Benhayon, is a great recipe for true communication and connection between people of all ages. It honours who we are and the fact that there is always a reason for our behaviour, no matter how strange it might look to others. Observation leads to solutions and not just quick fixes and easy answers.

  43. Being an observer is the simplest form of love we can have towards another, as it is only then that we can truly hold them with no judgement and allow space for them to be who they are and be inspired by the reflection of love.

  44. ‘When we are willing to observe, we are willing to develop a relationship with the world that has no judgement in it.’ I love your opening sentence Anon. It can change our relationships completely.

  45. I am inspired by what you have expressed here Anonymous, thank you;
    “Inspired by the body’s wisdom to continuously feel and express deeper in commitment to observing, understanding and not absorbing life”.

  46. Observation can be quite a challenged when we are unused to it – either observing or being observed. It was interesting to be reading some literary criticism last night on a novel I am tutoring, in which the critic really reacted to the novel’s protagonist’s detachment, equality, great love of people. Even something truthful in a novel written in 1960 can trigger the fury of the wounded person who wants to deny the truth that observation is love.

  47. I love what is shared here, it is like there is the “sliding doors” scenarios that could play out, a reaction that would create a further reaction. Or an observation and honest sharing that leads to an honest response and a deeper level of intimacy, understanding and connection between two people. I understand more and more that I don’t have to have the answers straight away, but just saying how I feel without reaction is what is important, sharing my feelings and giving the other and opportunity to deepen their understanding of what is playing out.

  48. It is far wiser to observe life astutely and respond with love accordingly rather than to react with little understanding of all that is at play and what is needed in that moment.

  49. It is our right to claim ourselves and observe instead of stepping onto the rollercoaster of emotional reactions and drama’s. Often it seems like we don’t have a choice but when we observe we can feel we do have that choice which is very beautiful.

  50. If we can walk open-hearted towards a future we all ready know, then it becomes much simpler to observe the present as it plays out and avoid reacting to the past.

  51. Thank you for this very open and detailed account of the unfolding relationship with you and your son. I love how you say that we may have thoughts that could feel hurtful to us but by observing those thoughts and not letting them go anywhere we can choose how to be and in choosing not to be in reaction to the thoughts but staying with the love that we are we can have an open and clear communication and deepen the love and respect that is already there but not necessarily expressed up until that point.

  52. Just reading the word ‘observe’ makes my body surrender! When we observe we remain with ourselves, with the body and not ‘taken out’ by what we see and feel around us. It doesn’t mean we don’t engage or interact and walk around like zombies – it actually enables a truer connection with people and our surroundings because we are bringing all of us to the table rather than leaving ourselves behind.

  53. Learning to observe without reaction and judgment has meant choosing a deeper level of responsibility to look at the things that trigger me. Absolutely worth it though the quality of my relationships has changed immeasurably.

  54. Life presents many opportunities throughout our day to simply observe and not take things on. The getting caught up in life and its events can be a tempting hook though. So it’s a constant reminder to keep our awareness with our own bodies and if we do get hooked in simply return to it’s simplicity.

  55. To be able to observe… To be outward to actually see what is going on, to take the blinkers off, to be able to see, feel, and connect with everything around us… This is most definitely possible and interestingly enough when we connect inside, we can feel what is going on outside.

  56. To me living in observation is living as the multinational beings we are, for there is far more at play than the words we speak.

  57. Boy is this hard, being an observer, I find it hard at times anyway. When I am being faced with someone in an energy that is very very imposing and dictatorial, it can easily suck you in. I know that being an observer is where we need to get to, to not be taken over, still a work in progress.

  58. A friend of mine has a saying of how he will let ‘that one go through to the net’. I think it refers to how in a game of soccer you can charge about trying to protect your goal, making sure the other team don’t score. But really, what is it really all for? Just in the way soccer is ‘only a game’, so too are the reactions and emotional situations we have. We don’t need to indulge them but can if you like, just simply let the ball pass you by without getting involved and say ‘oh ok you want me to get involved but this time I’m not going to play ball’. Thank you Anonymous.

  59. It’s amazing what happens when we do not feel judged. We feel a space around and within us to let go, to drop the fight because it’s finally OK to do so. There is no judgement in true love – and this is what humanity sorely needs for it to heal from deep-seated hurts and start to return again to its true and natural ways.

  60. This is where true parenting is about – the understanding, without reaction, that hold the person in equalness and respect, addressing the matter of what needs to be communicated and expressed in that moment. Brilliant anonymous.

  61. It only takes a moment of disconnection from ourselves for us to go into reaction to a situation and from there in a split second we are most likely to have absorbed what is coming at us from the other person, taking on an emotion that is foreign to our body; it is not ours to carry. Whereas if we stay in connection with ourselves we are able to simply observe and then with the reading of that observation be able to respond in a way that will offer healing to all involved.

  62. It is a powerful choice to observe life and not to react to life as it gives us the space to respond without letting old hurts get in the way.

  63. “To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.” To observe is to remain open to what is all around us and to feel it from its honesty. It is then from here we have the choice to allow a deeper understanding and learn from what is then to be shared from the next movement or to go into protection and hide what is truly felt within. A great clarity is found in the willingness to honour our feelings and to then move from this honesty it is in this movement we find the wisdom and keys to observation of the all.

  64. The problem with having pictures is that our pictures can differ and greatly so! So when there are no matching or common pictures, a world war can happen by saying “but this IS my picture…” we can sense the futility of this scenario. In connection, step 1 is to recognise what our pictures are. step 2 is to let go of our pictures, that is what observation is. step 3 only happens when we have completed step 2, as by letting go of our own pictures, we start to understand and see what the pictures of another are. step 4 then understanding happens. step 5 to convey this understanding there needs to be communication based on a commonality rather than a difference, and hence this reminds us to express in nothing but love and truth, the essence of everyone.
    This is the very simple science of connection.

  65. I love what you have shared Anonymous, the key to being an observer is to know that we always have a choice to react or to respond to the situations around us and the more open and understanding we are in connection with ourselves the more aware we become of what is truly there and not there to see.

  66. When we observe and can respond to a situation rather than react emotionally, outcomes will be more fruitful for both parties. Reactions can result in justification and defence as one side feels backed into a corner. As I learn to not take things so personally I find I am more able to observe a situation and respond accordingly. Definitely still a work in progress!

  67. We think living is getting ‘involved’, getting wrapped up in emotions, and going up and down with life’s various events. But what if that is simply not true? What if this is just a rollercoaster ride we have chosen to board, and that there is always a chance to get off any moment? What would we find if we actually did that one day? Could it be possible that we would discover that there is a simplicity, easiness and stillness that spans way beyond what we can see with our eyes? Why not hop off and see that life can be richer than any pearl but not complex, draining or overwhelming in any way? Thank you Adele.

  68. Being an observer gives other people space to make their own choices, and feel the consequences of them. By offering space, we hold them in love. While judging or reacting to other peoples behavior, basically deeply presses them into the behaviors we do not want.

  69. Being the observer affords us the opportunity to feel and know the bigger picture of what is being played out on the stage of life, thereby allowing us to respond with the knowing of the underlying causes as to how and why each event comes to fruition.

  70. How easy it is to go into reaction from the tones that are heard in people’s voices.
    Simply being the observer and responding is so empowering. Thank you Anonymous.
    “And yet, as I was already in observation mode from the restaurant, I was still able to simply observe and no feelings of hurt arose as a result of the tone of his voice”.

  71. It seems so easy and obvious – why don’t we live this way, observing life’s outplay like a theatre show or video? I have wondered this for a while and recently I have begun to see, it’s when something occurs that feels horrible and yucky to me I tend to get attached or involved in life in a way I don’t need to be. This also stops me standing out and seeming very different in life- after all everyone has struggles right? So to observe as you show Anonymous means letting my true presence be felt and to feeling everything that occurs in full. In short. Starting to live rather than hide from life.

  72. That which stands out is that if we give space, allow another to express and not think something of what they have chosen or experienced – we give a free way to feel beyond and truly heal and confirm who they are.

  73. It is our choice in every moment as to whether we react or respond to what life is currently presenting to us. If we react we are being single minded and individual, where as when we are the observer we can respond with an awareness of the bigger picture,which is inclusive of all equally so.

  74. The last few days I have started to experience what being an observer of life feels like. I was able to see events play out before me, but not react in my usual way. I noticed quickly how the people around me changed – they seemed to feel free to be themselves in a way they hadn’t been previously. It stunned me to notice this change. I am still working on this ability to watch the world, some days are better than others I find. My success seems to depend on if I am willing to observe first my breath and my body. Thank you Anonymous for sharing the inspiring way you watch life every day.

  75. When reading this writing it was so wonderful to hear about a young boy making a wise choice for himself. There are times when children make wise choices from their observations the more this is honoured the wiser the child lives.

  76. ‘.. my understanding of him deepened because we were communicating with words rather than with just outbursts of emotions followed with periods of non-communication.’ How common is this! It’s how so many of us communicate with each other – outbursts of emotion from the hurts we do not want to feel or acknowledge. Just lots of hurt people walking around in a prison of protection trying to avoid being hurt and yet constantly hurting ourselves by putting ourselves in said prison! We’re all bonkers!!

  77. It doesn’t matter where we go, who we see or where we stay, we will always be faced with situations that trigger these reactions every day. What we can change though, as you show Anonymous is the way we handle this part of life. And far from blocking stuff out what seems to truly help is feeling why things hurt. If we can do this inside of ourselves we have a solidness that sustains all else.

  78. I have found that being able to observe what is unfolding around me without going into reaction allows me to stay fully present in my body. It is like I have antennas that are on full alert and everything becomes crystal clear. If I can’t initially see or feel where the other person is coming from I am offered the space to do so. I retain such a settled and solid feeling in my body unlike when I go into reaction and I feel as if I am in a thousand pieces and none of them are making sense. Being the observer is simply making the choice to be with me and feel the truth of what comes next.

  79. ‘communicating from reactions – for example, speaking with sarcasm, frustration, outrage and with a sense of withdrawal – is an ingrained and normalised way of being.’ It does seem quite common to experience this and there also seems to be a need to sensationalise our experiences and have things be dramatic.There can be an underlying comparison going on and a vying for a strong position.It’s great to be able to observe this without judgement and stay steady and solid in the present moment and not get drawn into the game.

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