When we are willing to observe, we are willing to develop a relationship with the world that has no judgement in it. To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.
Yesterday I went to town with my son. I had a meeting with a friend and my son had a drawing class to go to. He does not have an amicable relationship with his teacher and therefore has expressed to me his reluctance to go to the class. We have come a long way in our relationship with each other for him to be able to share his feelings this honestly with me.
I immediately appreciated how far we have come and the quality of the connection between us.
This deeper connection between us developed with understanding and acceptance of each other. Coming to a deeper understanding and appreciation of myself, as well as my son’s development, is a very beautiful surrender. It dissolved the picture of how we have to be and freed the both of us to simply be ourselves and, with each choice we make, to continue to trust more deeply who we are. In this process there is an absence of a picture or an expectation of what this development looks like, especially in regards to having a time frame.
So yesterday, after we parted ways, I simply felt a very solid trust with myself and with him. A few hours later, into the evening, when I was having dinner with a group of friends, I received a text message from my son’s art teacher informing me that he did not show up for the class.
Immediately many thoughts flooded my mind, such as “How could he?”, “What?!?”, “Is he okay?” etc., but without reacting to these thoughts I stayed with myself and simply observed. I allowed myself a moment, and as I was still having dinner with friends, I simply allowed myself to sit with the feelings.
I felt the time I needed to leave, did not rush or delay it, said goodbye to my friends and throughout the walk towards the pier where I was going to take the ferry home, I continued to observe the feelings that arose. I could feel that there was a very faint lingering of a pattern of going into sadness from the reaction of being let down, which I simply surrendered more deeply into feeling.
After the ferry ride I had to take a bus home, and I received a phone call from my son. His voice was not audible in the call and I told him so, although I knew he was talking to me. When his voice did come through momentarily, it was a high-pitched shout, in reaction to him not being heard. And yet, as I was already in observation mode from the restaurant, I was still able to simply observe and no feelings of hurt arose as a result of the tone of his voice.
The moment I walked into the door of my home, my son came out to greet me in a joyful mood. Without judgement, I simply expressed, “There must be something you are feeling very stressed about if you chose not to go to class today, and I would like to understand what it is.” I also expressed how I felt finding this out from a third party. Because there was no judgement, my son communicated openly that he did go to his class, but while he was walking in he suddenly remembered a hurtful episode from his last class when he felt the teacher was not understanding and respectful of him, so he decided to go home.
This was probably the first communication between us that, even though we were touching on a topic that felt hurtful, we chose to express without reaction. Immediately with our choice to communicate in this way, our connection deepened even more. I was let into my son’s world more deeply, a side he has never verbalised or shared with me, and immediately my understanding of him deepened because we were communicating with words rather than with just outbursts of emotions followed with periods of non-communication.
An observation I have gathered from my relationship with the city I grew up in is that communicating from reactions – for example, speaking with sarcasm, frustration, outrage and with a sense of withdrawal – is an ingrained and normalised way of being.
Hence, my son’s previous reactions of frustration and anger would have seemed quite normal to him as they were very often mirrored in the world around him, to the likely detriment of us all.
… In essence, speaking in reaction like this is our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt.
It was by being present and being honest about my hurts that I found I could return to being observant by choice. Therefore it is very clear that this is what I will move into next in communication with my son and, from there, all others.
Inspired by the body’s wisdom to continuously feel and express deeper in commitment to observing, understanding and not absorbing life.
By Anonymous
Further Reading:
Learning to Observe and Not Absorb Life
The Science of hurts
To Observe and Not absorb
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
I am learning to observe and not react. As I was reading your blog, I felt to do a little experiment this week to observe myself and people around me. Mainly to build more awareness to when I react to certain situations or to certain people. I feel bringing more awareness will support me to be less reactive and more observant. This is going to be fun.
I have found that children and teenagers understand why they do and don’t do things. They are often equally happy to share the reasoning if we are prepared to listen, and listen without judgement. Regardless of how flawed we see their decision making, there has been a decision made and it will often seem very logical to them. If we are really wanting to support our children as they grow up we will take time to understand how their brain processes information and what their decision making path looks like.
There is so much space that opens up with acceptance and appreciation. It’s as though there is no time and we have the space to truly feel what’s going on.
‘In essence, speaking in reaction like this is our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt’ Isn’t every reaction an indication of a hurt we are not acknowledging? When we react it can happen so quickly and it does not feel good at all. Can we then develop the presence to stop as soon as we realise what is happening, take a breath or two and reconnect and communicate from our essential self, changing our movements and realigning to what we know is true?
Throughout our life we are sold the lie that life is just what we see. If we walk around thinking this is true we get hooked into drama about what is right and wrong – temporally. A key part of observing is to me, living from the knowing that we are all multi-dimensional beings, with great power and capability to feel things. When I stop settling for the way life appears I get to see there is so much there. A beautiful blog and timely reminder Anonymous to keep reading life.
Observing… truly observing is a beautiful awakening experience that frees us in many ways
True cjames2012. And in the observation we are able to depersonalise what we are observing and feel what’s really going on.
To remember to step back and observe, rather than caught up in the grip of emotions that serve only to bind us in drama, is very liberating and brings an end to exhaustion.
To observe the world is to be open and aware of all and what comes from this is a deeper understanding of people a, greater sense of space and room to simply be and that is the way we then support not only ourselves from taking on other’s experience and or situations but shows true love and understanding and that is key.
When I demand of myself to have an answer to whats going on that is not understanding. Understanding to me feels holding and supportive without attachment. Until reading this today I hadn’t laid out my understanding of both sides in such a way. Thank you.
When we do bring understanding to what we are feeling and to what is going on around us then it is impossible to be in judgement. This is Gold, I have been working on bringing this awareness into my day and this is something that requires loving attention and dedication and when we do it feels amazing. The tension in the body starts to fall away and everyone is given space to be.
When I stop making it all about me, I can deal with my reactions, and not want to make others help me feel better, by doing things my way. Also when it’s not all about me, I have space to be open and hear what the other person is feeling.
Having the ability to observe allows another the space to be in their own evolution as we receive a deeper level of understanding and acceptance of where they are at without taking poison into our bodies.
To me being an observer is accepting we are far more than the physical, that there is far more at play than the actions we see and words we hear .
Yes Kim, why restrict it to the physical – our children don’t!!!
I feel how learning to observe without reaction or judgment is to love unconditionally.
Beautifully said Fumiyo. There is a surrender to all we are in observation, we surrender to this, then we see we are all made of the same love.
‘communicating from reactions – for example, speaking with sarcasm, frustration, outrage and with a sense of withdrawal – is an ingrained and normalised way of being.’ It does seem quite common to experience this and there also seems to be a need to sensationalise our experiences and have things be dramatic.There can be an underlying comparison going on and a vying for a strong position.It’s great to be able to observe this without judgement and stay steady and solid in the present moment and not get drawn into the game.
I have found that being able to observe what is unfolding around me without going into reaction allows me to stay fully present in my body. It is like I have antennas that are on full alert and everything becomes crystal clear. If I can’t initially see or feel where the other person is coming from I am offered the space to do so. I retain such a settled and solid feeling in my body unlike when I go into reaction and I feel as if I am in a thousand pieces and none of them are making sense. Being the observer is simply making the choice to be with me and feel the truth of what comes next.
It doesn’t matter where we go, who we see or where we stay, we will always be faced with situations that trigger these reactions every day. What we can change though, as you show Anonymous is the way we handle this part of life. And far from blocking stuff out what seems to truly help is feeling why things hurt. If we can do this inside of ourselves we have a solidness that sustains all else.
‘.. my understanding of him deepened because we were communicating with words rather than with just outbursts of emotions followed with periods of non-communication.’ How common is this! It’s how so many of us communicate with each other – outbursts of emotion from the hurts we do not want to feel or acknowledge. Just lots of hurt people walking around in a prison of protection trying to avoid being hurt and yet constantly hurting ourselves by putting ourselves in said prison! We’re all bonkers!!
When reading this writing it was so wonderful to hear about a young boy making a wise choice for himself. There are times when children make wise choices from their observations the more this is honoured the wiser the child lives.
The last few days I have started to experience what being an observer of life feels like. I was able to see events play out before me, but not react in my usual way. I noticed quickly how the people around me changed – they seemed to feel free to be themselves in a way they hadn’t been previously. It stunned me to notice this change. I am still working on this ability to watch the world, some days are better than others I find. My success seems to depend on if I am willing to observe first my breath and my body. Thank you Anonymous for sharing the inspiring way you watch life every day.
That which stands out is that if we give space, allow another to express and not think something of what they have chosen or experienced – we give a free way to feel beyond and truly heal and confirm who they are.
It seems so easy and obvious – why don’t we live this way, observing life’s outplay like a theatre show or video? I have wondered this for a while and recently I have begun to see, it’s when something occurs that feels horrible and yucky to me I tend to get attached or involved in life in a way I don’t need to be. This also stops me standing out and seeming very different in life- after all everyone has struggles right? So to observe as you show Anonymous means letting my true presence be felt and to feeling everything that occurs in full. In short. Starting to live rather than hide from life.
How easy it is to go into reaction from the tones that are heard in people’s voices.
Simply being the observer and responding is so empowering. Thank you Anonymous.
“And yet, as I was already in observation mode from the restaurant, I was still able to simply observe and no feelings of hurt arose as a result of the tone of his voice”.
We think living is getting ‘involved’, getting wrapped up in emotions, and going up and down with life’s various events. But what if that is simply not true? What if this is just a rollercoaster ride we have chosen to board, and that there is always a chance to get off any moment? What would we find if we actually did that one day? Could it be possible that we would discover that there is a simplicity, easiness and stillness that spans way beyond what we can see with our eyes? Why not hop off and see that life can be richer than any pearl but not complex, draining or overwhelming in any way? Thank you Adele.
When we observe and can respond to a situation rather than react emotionally, outcomes will be more fruitful for both parties. Reactions can result in justification and defence as one side feels backed into a corner. As I learn to not take things so personally I find I am more able to observe a situation and respond accordingly. Definitely still a work in progress!
“To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.” To observe is to remain open to what is all around us and to feel it from its honesty. It is then from here we have the choice to allow a deeper understanding and learn from what is then to be shared from the next movement or to go into protection and hide what is truly felt within. A great clarity is found in the willingness to honour our feelings and to then move from this honesty it is in this movement we find the wisdom and keys to observation of the all.
It is a powerful choice to observe life and not to react to life as it gives us the space to respond without letting old hurts get in the way.
It only takes a moment of disconnection from ourselves for us to go into reaction to a situation and from there in a split second we are most likely to have absorbed what is coming at us from the other person, taking on an emotion that is foreign to our body; it is not ours to carry. Whereas if we stay in connection with ourselves we are able to simply observe and then with the reading of that observation be able to respond in a way that will offer healing to all involved.
This is where true parenting is about – the understanding, without reaction, that hold the person in equalness and respect, addressing the matter of what needs to be communicated and expressed in that moment. Brilliant anonymous.
To be able to observe… To be outward to actually see what is going on, to take the blinkers off, to be able to see, feel, and connect with everything around us… This is most definitely possible and interestingly enough when we connect inside, we can feel what is going on outside.
Life presents many opportunities throughout our day to simply observe and not take things on. The getting caught up in life and its events can be a tempting hook though. So it’s a constant reminder to keep our awareness with our own bodies and if we do get hooked in simply return to it’s simplicity.
Learning to observe without reaction and judgment has meant choosing a deeper level of responsibility to look at the things that trigger me. Absolutely worth it though the quality of my relationships has changed immeasurably.
Just reading the word ‘observe’ makes my body surrender! When we observe we remain with ourselves, with the body and not ‘taken out’ by what we see and feel around us. It doesn’t mean we don’t engage or interact and walk around like zombies – it actually enables a truer connection with people and our surroundings because we are bringing all of us to the table rather than leaving ourselves behind.
I hadn’t noticed that before Rachael – that when I observe I surrender – but it’s true! Thank You 😊
A great reminder to observe life and therefore not get caught up in it.
Observation can be quite a challenged when we are unused to it – either observing or being observed. It was interesting to be reading some literary criticism last night on a novel I am tutoring, in which the critic really reacted to the novel’s protagonist’s detachment, equality, great love of people. Even something truthful in a novel written in 1960 can trigger the fury of the wounded person who wants to deny the truth that observation is love.
Without reaction the depth of relationship, understanding, learning and respect we can grow to is astounding.
I am inspired by what you have expressed here Anonymous, thank you;
“Inspired by the body’s wisdom to continuously feel and express deeper in commitment to observing, understanding and not absorbing life”.
‘When we are willing to observe, we are willing to develop a relationship with the world that has no judgement in it.’ I love your opening sentence Anon. It can change our relationships completely.
Being an observer is the simplest form of love we can have towards another, as it is only then that we can truly hold them with no judgement and allow space for them to be who they are and be inspired by the reflection of love.
Observing rather than absorbing, as taught by Serge Benhayon, is a great recipe for true communication and connection between people of all ages. It honours who we are and the fact that there is always a reason for our behaviour, no matter how strange it might look to others. Observation leads to solutions and not just quick fixes and easy answers.
The beauty of observation is the beautiful holding quality of our bodies connection to our every movement that then holds others and allows them to be themselves in full without a need or picture of how they should be. The beauty of holding and the intimacy in connection it brings is simply honesty at its finest and from that honesty we deepen our surrender to the all.
So beautiful to feel the unfoldment of your relationship with you son, from roles being played out to you both just being who you are as simply as two beings in the world, sharing a relationship that support you both to grow and evolve so you can be more of who you naturally and greatly are. When we meet another in truth emotions have no place. For wherever there is a meeting of hearts, we are always held by the embracing and ever deepening quality of love.
This is super amazing. I often observe people in reaction and how judgement and hurt close off the intimacy that would otherwise be there with oneself and another. It’s a great reminder that if someone is shutting themselves off from me, I could do well to check where I’m at and if I’ve shut down communications.
I keep coming back to this blog. Recently I am allowing myself to observe and the result is I get a deeper understanding of the other person. When I react I add complication that takes everything down a different path, and further away from any resolution of the original issue.
Yes and with observation we have the opportunity to understand and accept ourselves and each other rather than battening down the hatches in defence.
When we observe and don’t react, things start to unfold in a wondrous and rewarding way; we don’t walk away with more scars from such situations but keep moving ahead and start healing the old hurts and battle wounds from our past experiences we otherwise carry with us.
Learning to truly observe situations, events and people (including ourselves) leads us to a greater understanding whereas reacting keeps our issues alive and much bigger than we are.
So beautiful to feel the depth of understanding we can go to, letting ourselves not be guided by false judgement but getting to the bottom of what is going on is only what is supporting us all to heal.
It is crucial to not take anything personally. Yet we need to build a platform within ourselves to support this – for example, we need to clear our hurts and build a foundation of value for ourselves, knowing that we are truly Sons of God. This greatly facilitates our ability to be able to observe and so come to truth instead of discord. The power of observation dissolves disharmony and brings on understanding.
I am finding that to observe life rather than react is a surrender to all that is there to be shared and from that sharing we gain a greater understanding and expansion of the whole moment piece by piece. It is an expansion for us to make a choice and the willingness to see all that is being shared with an open heart.
There is such a beauty when you start to express with children and everyone as grown up beings and not pander to either behaviour nor age. We are all adult beings and very wise. Often we tend to treat children as not being able to understand certain things and we think we have to parent them but in many cases it’s actually them that carries the wisdom of many situations and we adults are the ones that can learn a lot from their innocent and open approach to life. If they are not met with this or allowed the space it’s easy for them to shut down and live in reaction to life and we get to see the retaliation in forms of certain challenging behaviours. But it’s just them showing that they don’t feel met.
I often find that reactions stem from a picture I have of how life is supposed to be and when it’s not like that I can react, instead of accepting and observing.
“To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.” This can be very challenging at times, I always go into situations with the intent to not react, but it does happen. I am finding that it is in going deeper and understanding why have I reacted, what is it that I have felt that I may not want to, or feel. It is in that process of choosing to feel more deeply what is really going on, that can assist us in not reacting to the same things next time.
Wise words Adele. In any given moment we each have the choice as to whether we allow ourselves to feel the depth of what is there, or not. Once we give ourselves permission to ‘feel it all’ we then have the choice whether we react to the situation by way of becoming emotionally involved, or whether we simply respond to it by deeply observing and feeling what exactly is at play. Far from aloofness or detachment, this unattached observation is what helps us steer a steady course through life and gives us the rock solid foundation that allows us to commit whole-heartedly to sharing our true self with the world.
Observing life whilst being fully engaged with it is the key to not absorbing it all and thus drowning in a false way to be.
Thank you Anonymous. I have found that my reactions stop me from seeing situations clearly. Reaction goes hand in hand with blame and when I begin to start blaming anyone and anything else for the way I feel I end up in more trouble than ever.
Prior to coming to Universal medicine I had studied and learned many psychological, mental, physiological and energetic methods of cutting down the severity of reactions in life. Pretty much all of them involved numbing or distancing myself from the event.
I was amazed from day one when Universal Medicine supported me to expand my understanding plus deepen my stillness and connection with my own essence, and this lead to a fundamental change in experience such that I had never experienced before, because not only was I no longer agitated, but I felt more connected with and loving of the person involved, no numbing or cutting off! I was amazed. This increased ability to stay connected with, understanding of and loving towards people and the world has turned my life round.
“To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.” This is so amazing this line, reacting to things that happen around us always diminishes who we are. We forget in that instant that we are love, that we hold everyone equally, that we can bring understanding. So being able to observe and not absorb is an incredible life teaching.
Observing and not absorbing is something that I heard presented many, many years ago by Serge Benhayon and on numerous occasions since. I have found it to be an incredibly powerful and valuable teaching that has and continues to transform my life in many wonderful ways.
I don’t think we can ever fully master it as there are always things that slip in, but I have experienced that with a true intent and awareness I am observing more and absorbing less and less. Benefits have included losing a lot of weight (to reach a very healthy weight), increased vitality and health as well as much more understanding, love and fun in my life and lots more – really worth it!
The more I am learning to observe the more I am becoming aware of how little I do so, how deeply automatic and engrained is the reaction that is sparked inside, or in fact living in one constant reaction. But now with the recognition of the constant reaction and protection comes the freedom to let it go… and in that is possible even greater observation and awareness.
Choosing to be the observer through using our forgotten and wonderful 6th sense, clairsentience, is a game-changer. In fact it says ‘no’ to the game of creation. I have been dedicated to observing myself (and others) and what lies underneath every event. Sometimes I am unable to feel what I am carrying from the past but find that if I am willing for this to be revealed it inevitably is, maybe not on the spot, but the revelation comes without fail. The everyday miracles that come as a result of naming and feeling what we carry is spectacular!
Thank you Lyndy. Your comment reminds me how open and light my body feels when I allow myself to playfully observe life.
Reaction to a situation only compounds the problem and there is a lack of clarity because we are dealing with emotion.
I love this story, it beautifully demonstrates the deeper level of connection we can share with each other if we observe and not absorb. You can see the game we can fall into when we chose to react to emotion and then respond from that same place.
I am loving becoming an observer; a far cry from the days when I would go into reaction in an instant and then wonder why everything would begin to escalate, especially the emotions that would bubble up and out of me at great speed. These days if I feel even a hint of going into a reaction I know to stop and observe what is going on around me and inside me, and then take my time to respond, but like any changes in our lives, it often takes time to totally dismantle the old and begin to live the new.
Anonymous, this is really interesting, ‘In essence, speaking in reaction like this is our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt.’ i can feel how I have this in my family, that I feel hurt and go into reaction rather than observing and staying practical and so then I have found that if I am in reaction it is impossible to have an open, loving conversation about what is really going on, thank you for making this clear.
Observing with no judgement is something I am learning to live, and this naturally helps me to not absorb or go into reaction; bringing in understanding and acceptance helps with this.
Having a willingness to understand another allows us to observe and not absorb, it is true responsibility, as when we react we absorb that which is not from our essence affecting the quality of our movements and creating harm instead of healing.
Throughout my childhood and most of my adult life I gave my power away by absorbing what was going on around me. From this I often felt imprisoned by fear and was not able to see life with clarity or love. In this state I was contributing to the hurts and the unloving choices, cementing them instead of exposing the hurts and choosing to heal. Now, I am learning to observe and not absorb, and it feels very empowering and deeply healing. This is one of many, many amazing tools I have learnt from attending Universal Medicine.
Observing is not only making you just receive that what is there to be seen and communicated but it also gives others the opportunity to do the same, to not go into reaction but invited to connect with themselves instead.
Absolutely Nico, by observing life and situations instead of absorbing, we are able to offer clarity, understanding and healing. We are all capable of healing and expressing truth when we simply observe and live from a place of love.
It seems like, being an observer you actually ‘see’ more of the whole picture of what is going on, as a reaction narrows down this vision so you only see a part of the whole situation. And in being in the observation of something, you actually have the capacity to meet the other person truly, which gives them to opportunity to arrest and pull them up and out of their reaction of there being a ‘right’ or a ‘wrong’.
It is deeply healing to come to a place where you become honest about what you are feeling and take responsibility for your hurts and reactions so to not only not impose them on another but also address and let go of what stands in the way of true communication. A beautiful start to deepen any relationship.
Gorgeous blog, there is such a depth of understanding to come to when we choose to observe and allow all to be shared honestly.
Taking more responsibility for the source of my reactions has begun to change my relationship with my children. It is amazing and a bit shocking how much I used interactions with them to fill up an emptiness I didn’t want to deal with.
Every time I come to read this blog, I always get stopped right after the first paragraph and just pause to allow the gold that has been delivered embody within:
‘When we are willing to observe, we are willing to develop a relationship with the world that has no judgement in it. To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us’.
This is a beautiful example of what Serge Benhayon has always taught – ‘to observe and not absorb’. Through your choice to observe and not go into your own hurts and stories you were able to bring more understanding and acceptance to your son’s choices that allowed the space and grace for your relationship to naturally deepen – such a powerful reminder to bring this to all our relationships and to feel the magic that comes with this simple choice.
An awesome lesson in parenting, although I say that and now feel just how much parenting is really no different to the rest of life really. If we make it about meeting the other person for who they are and giving them the space to feel comfortable with their choices, no judgment, then what you’re offering can be applied to all situations in life.
The ability to stand back and simply observe allow the understanding to be there for. It is our reactions and need for something to be another way that often cloud this understanding.
We are expecting others to fulfil whatever we need, and when this does not happen… there is the frustration, the sarcasm, the anger or the withdrawing from life kicking in. It is true self love to begin with observing, a healing for all.
Anonymous, this is really helpful to read, ‘To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.’ I notice that the days I simply observe and do not take things personally, but stay present and steady that things outside of myself do not affect me, i still feel great no matter what is going on and then there are times when I do take things personally or react to someone or something and I thus feel tired and affected and sad, so for m it is a learning to observe and not absorb consistently, thank you for the reminder.
Having the ability to observe and not absorb creates space for another where there is no judgement present, only the understanding that we do what we do as a way of protecting our hurts and not feel what is there to be felt. Within this space we allow another the opportunity to let go of these behaviours and embrace more of their true nature within.
Hurt-fuelled over-reaction doesn’t end well. Pausing to observe what has happened and seeking to understand rather than judge lays a foundation for all to evolve. Communication is key, talking to people, expressing how we feel and asking for help when needed. Above all first understand, show appreciation and react less.
Once we start to observe our reactions, we can feel how so much of our communication is tainted by the inner turmoil.
To dedicate oneself to becoming a true observer, to seeing through all the ideals, beliefs, emotions which are not love or true relationship, that is what it means to mature, to grow up at last – otherwise we stay immature, self preoccupied, beings in an adult skin.
It is in observation that we stay out of the situation, and are able to observe from the stillness that we innately are.
Thank you for this sharing- it helps me to go back and address a situation that I need too and by reading this allows me to look more at my reaction to the situation.
It’s so true that we attempt to use reaction to stop us from feeling hurt but the fact is nothing can stop us from feeling what we feel. When I support myself to feel how much something hurts it gives me an opportunity to take responsibility and heal.
Yes – the moment we commit to observe and we feel the absolute importance of that , we know we have a responsibility to stay with us and even though situations might touch hurts, we should never go with them if we want to truly heal them.
Beautiful Adele, yes I have found having expectations is often showing me a need I’ve placed outside of myself on another, that I’m not giving myself.
A very astute point. Something I experienced recently too.
Love the honesty here Annie. Thank you
I love your wisdom Adam, when do we get to read a book from you?
So well said Katerina, I completely agree with what you have shared. Observing life gives one the space to see clearly and develop understanding.
Reacting makes it all about me getting it right!
To be able to observe life is so super important, which we should be allowed to do and learn from very little.
We get sucked in so easily to a small view of the world. It’s like we think that being ‘in’ the ups and the downs of the world is what it means to be alive and living life. But this is not true. As you show Anonymous, allowing life to be as it is and observing it without judgment allows us to bring a depth of wisdom and care to our decisions, because we read what is truly there.
It can be so easy to focus on a persons behaviour but when we look beyond what is presented and to why a person might be behaving in a certain way, there is so much more on offer.
It seems we have as much to learn from our kids as they have to learn from us. It is so important that we have true and open dialogue with our children which is not always easy to maintain but is well worth the effort.
Observation is key in truly meeting people and seeing who they truly are.
Living in a large city, people communicate with their horns in cars. They are like the safety valve on a pressure cooker, explosively releasing pressure that can’t be contained. The scary thing is how many are just at the point before the release, waiting!
I also find that in the observing there are so many points of inspiration for the way forward, rather than the criticism and judgement that further incarcerates us.
When I focus on what is wrong in any of my relationships, I totally side line the opportunity to appreciate how far we have come, how willing we have been to keep developing, talking, supporting… and in this, I dismiss the inspiration and opportunity for everyone involved to continue evolving.
I remember as a child feeling outraged at being treated like a child and not respected as adults seemed to respect each other but soon came to realise that this is how it was for kids, so its great for children today to be able to express openly the way your son does with you. I have found this quite difficult as a parent because although a child is just a small adult, often they do come totally from self and behave like they know better when they don’t and if you give them too much lee-way without firm guidance things can go horribly wrong.
I definitely need to learn to observe more, I react to pretty much everything, it’s exhausting and also I take things personally so can’t see in truth what’s really going on for this person / the energy at play.
Observing life is a very power-full way of being and living and as you have demonstrated, it makes space for true connection and expression to occur; as a natural consequence, this way of communicating is then free of the usual reactions and verbal stoushes that would normally ensue.
The more I read this blog, the more I see there is a part of me that thinks it’s justified to go into emotions when others also do too. It is like I say ‘If you not willing to be true why on earth should I’? After all these intense experiences are what it means to be alive – right? But what if this is not true as you offer here Anonymous, what if there is a way to live observing all that takes place rather than being controlled by it? Your words make it clear to me that it’s a choice I make to dive into reaction in my life, and one I can change should I choose my light.
This article is a reflection of the livingness of grace. The grace to stay steady and to hear another, and the grace of allowing another their choices. Not in the least the grace of allowing the steadiness within to lead the way.
The vulnerability we allow when let ourselves be transparent and open lets the other person really see us. The guards and walls drop away and instantly there is reconnection – in fact a true intimacy between two people that would otherwise be on opposing sides of a fighting fence. The answer to conflict and disharmony is simple, it is about being honest first with ourselves and then with others about the pains we carry, and let our whole being open up in the willingness to let go of these pains knowing there is a purity within us that is far far greater and more glorious graciously always there, within and beneath.
Acknowledging the hurts when they arise heals. Last week I reacted quite badly which I have not done for a while. The following day I expressed I had reacted and that I had felt hurt. At the time the hurt arrogantly justified my outburst but as I expressed how I was feeling and allowed my vulnerability to be exposed I began to let go. Righteously thinking I am right and another is wrong is incredibly abusive not only to another but to myself also. It shows me there is more love to be given to myself and therefore towards another.
Observing is so important, for everything!
So much space opens up when we observe and consider rather than knee jerk react. I am always blown away by what happens when I take responsibility for how I am feeling rather than load it into communication with others. Thank you for this inspiring article.
When we are willing to observe, we are willing to develop a relationship with the world that has no judgement in it. To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us. I love how you describe this Anonymous, this is absolutely true, and so very simple.
To observe and not absorb has to be one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves, and in turn to all others. I do not see those I find most challenging as my greatest teachers but in truth they are for they give me the opportunity to stay centred and heartfelt in the darkest scenarios.
I can feel how amazing it is when we express to each other and how this has opened up a different level of communication. I also feel that an honesty and trust is built and is cementing the relationship so nothing can come up between me and others. This way of living has taken away judgement and criticism of myself and others. Building amicable relationships I feel started with me learning to express things with an open honesty.
I find the most challenging this is to not go into reaction when another is dumping their feelings on me, yet in not reacting that is where the most clarity is felt and often allows the other person to open up to what it is that is going on for them. It is good to see this from both sides as sometimes i may be the one dumping, ultimately being understanding of how that feels for another is of most importance to allow me to take more responsibility for how I act in every situation.
I would much rather observe life from my clarity than absorb it and then try to seek my way out of the fog I have allowed in.
Observation… What a key it is to unraveling our myriad of dysfunctional interactions in life and in their place have a constant and solid connection with who we truly are, and as a consequence of this bringing clarity and reconnecting to the table from which everyone can be nurtured.
Being an observer is all about letting another make their own choices and learn from them, and also allowing ourselves to make our own choices and learning from them too! It is about not judging and not criticising but it is all about bringing understanding to the process and simply being with it. Observing is about not interfering, but always simply being with what is happening around us – a quality that I can certainly work on and develop more and more!
I love the sharing and how you describe going into patterns of hurt and what happened when you did not react but observe and allow. I had an opportunity lately as well to go into reaction or not with a friend where I felt excluded from something.In overcoming my reaction I was able to feel how much anxiousness is there still in her to be left out and not be seen and equally I was able to see those patterns in me as well. This lead to a deeper understanding of her instead of judging her.
This is still very much a work in progress for myself, to observe and not absorb, this is what will really help us as a humanity to truly evolve.
To observe is to allow an extraordinary sense of space and understanding to come into our lives, our every interaction.
Thank you for this timely blog, Anonymous, as another day with my gorgeous son dawns and the opportunity to observe in my relationship with him and all around me begins anew.
When we are willing to observe, we are willing to develop a relationship with the world that has no judgement in it. Yes, I am working on observing and not taking on other’s stuff, as I have become aware that that can lead me also into judgement…..and with judging there is no understanding of the bigger picture and there is no love.
Learning how to observe without judgment is one that I have been learning to master and what I have come to understand is that the judgment I had for others is actually what I have for myself first. This was a sobering moment for me and then I could see that I had so many ridiculous expectations on myself and that I should know everything already, trying to prove to myself I was worth something. By learning to accept who I am and that I am actually amazing has given me the space and grace to be and in doing so allows all those around me the same space and grace to be.
‘In essence, speaking in reaction like this is our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt.’
Yes, and the reaction totally gives away the fact that we are hurt and doesn’t actually hide it.
If it is one thing that helps us reduce frustration and increase understanding it is observation! One thing I have noticed of late is that all around society we express little bits of frustration with each other, when really we could be offering service from something we have mastered.
“To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.” When we have a reaction to a situation we are actaully absorbing an energy into our bodies that is harmful to us, as well as being harmful to the other person by virtue of the fact that we are not giving them an opportunity to understand that there is another way to be. Whereas by observing, we are offering something different. In this instance there is a reflection for something else, a steadiness and acceptance that there is another way, and that there is no ‘need’ to hang on to something that does not support us.
It strikes me that when we are able to observe without judgment or over involving ourselves in other’s situations we can develop true compassion for another and even ourselves.
If we react to a situation we are equally contributors to the problem that we have reacted.
I agree it is amazing how much we can be in reaction to something saying someone should not have done this or that yet be calling on exactly the same source of energy so only adding to it. We then when we next see that person tend to hold them in that past situation rather than the love that they are. Reacting to situations never helps and only makes things worse.
Spot on Michael Brown and there is less room for understanding that is paramount in building quality relationships.
It is so important to develop our awareness so we cease adding to the pool of reaction that affects the world.
The power of observing is the highest form of detachment and allowing things to just be.
Expressing our truth is key to developing understanding and deepening our connection with each other. How great it is to afford ourselves and others such space to bring themselves out in full.
A sobering and key point of awareness for us all. Thank you, Katie.
I keep coming back to this article because it supports me to remember in my daily interactions with children how important it is to respect, listen and respond to every situation, rather than shoot from the hip loaded with my reactions and limited understanding (one sided until I have heard from the other)…
There is also the inspiration of seeing others as equal regardless of age. This alone if embraced would change our world dramatically.
To communicate without reaction, in a potentially hurtful situation, the connection deepens, we are able to verbalise and share more of our feelings, and then understand and appreciate one another more deeply.
Life for me has become much simpler as I take away the questions about others and what they are up to.
Observing creates such a spaciousness and freedom in my body. The moment I re-act in comes the tension and the quality of my thoughts change.
Having a willingness to observe, and a willingness to develop a relationship with the world without judgement gives a great opportunity to catch the reaction before it catches us. It creates a space for us, a pause to choose which way to respond. Your example is very practical to demonstrate the difference this can make and the continuing changes that brings to any situation resulting in a totally different outcome from what a reactive response brings.
When we offer our children the space where they know that they will be listened to we are offering them the key to their true expression. And this expression will then come with honesty and trust as they realise that they are not being judged but acknowledged for who they are and respected for what they have to say. We may not always agree with what is shared but in offering them this space and simply listening we have began to build a foundation that will support and expand the relationship between us more strongly than ever before.
Letting go of pictures of how we or another should or shouldn’t be is a needed step to move on in life and to develop true connections with others.
‘To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us’ – Pondering this statement has exposed a momentum in my thought processes that slips in even before I am aware that it is happening and it all has to do with passing judgement via what I see with my eyes rather than allowing understanding and truth to make itself known first. This is not a revelation for me as I have been aware of how judgement can slip in but what I am blown away by is the speed of which this occurs and what has been setup prior to my awareness kicking in that is powerful. The understanding of and the ability to observe is an absolute blessing and allows for the most beautiful openness of heart. Thanks Anonymous.
When we react to something we make a situation all about ourselves and prevent ourselves from seeing what that situation is truly offering us in terms of what we can learn and understand about ourselves and others. We miss the opportunity to evolve.
Had a brilliant experience of that this afternoon Steve when I was trying to get my Internet back on. After sitting on call-waiting for three quarters of an hour and then getting cut off, finally getting back on and then a further hour on a mind-bending call with someone whose accent I found difficult to understand, I was beginning to feel a reaction coming on, but I caught it before it could take hold of me, and kept my observer and we both seemed to come to a good place with what was happening, with plenty of observation and appreciation. That was pioneering work for me!
I get really tired and exhausted from reacting, absorbing and blaming other people, basically I am not taking responsibility for loving myself and being with my body. I spend a lot of time in my head. There is a lot to learn for us all, but I do know how amazing it is to live and how much more joyful and harmonious life would be if we observed and didn’t impose our stuff on one another or try to control situations. I have just had a scenario where I could have reacted, but in reading the title of this blog made it me realise what was happening at the other end was another person or peoples reaction. I too often have given my power away and not claimed myself, dismissed my feelings, but no longer, I am not perfect and need to work on this but honouring myself by observing life, life then becomes very simple, clear and joyful.
A very great sharing Anonymous. There are many parents who have children and young adults who will be inspired by your ability to connect to your son without reaction and as you say “be an observer” instead. This then opens many doors in our relationships with others.
This blog describes beautifully how we can always go deeper in our expression and intimacy with others when we just allow another to be without judgement but be present with an openness and curiousity.
Being and observer is something that we can all learn how to do a lot more. There would be far less emotive and over the top interactions and behaviours. There would be far less, arguing and a lot more understanding.
Observing a situation allows me to stay detached and not get caught up in the emotion of it and thus go into reaction – something I continually practise. They say practice makes perfect! I’m not struggling for perfection but do appreciate when I manage to understand, observe and respond rather than react emotionally.
Understanding is limitless when we connect to ourselves, observe and accept life.
There is so much power in being the observer in allowing the situation to run its own course. I have been guilt of running a hundred miles an hour to get the results I wanted and being impatient with others. This blog is a timely reminder that waiting, observing and commenting with bucket loads of understanding brings quality to our relationships and deepens our connections.
ahh, the science of living.
It has been said above and I agree that getting frustrated with life is very linked to wanting to control it and it not turning out exactly as it planned, even joyful gatherings. Often i have found when being in observation and not trying to control any given situation it always turns our 1000 + times better than If I was trying to recreate a scene.
when we allow ourselves to observe and not react we choose to use the space there always is to bring understanding. While we choose to contract when we choose to react, it is that which brings the hurt, not allowing ourselves to see the truth.
A great blog as to observe life and allow understanding to situations is the key and something that takes acceptance and honouring of ourselves first. What an important learning and way of living for us all.As you share “To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us”.
When I override the knowingness to give space and respond to a situation and instead fire off an email in reaction it always ends up badly, as you share though perhaps the reason for doing this that there is a hurt that I still hold onto. The choice is always to respond and follow my body or not, what I can confidently say is when I do go with the body I’ve never been let down.
To observe life, one must deeply accept all that they are and accept all that they receive on a moment to moment basis. To observe life brings untold understanding and infinite wisdom.
To me, observation is our natural response to the world. It is our un-dealt with hurts that cloud and muddy the otherwise clear waters of what we see in our observations, thus leading to reactions.
Our relationships with one another are the lynch pin around which our return to Love and Truth revolve. While relationships are exploitative, self-centred, abusive, careless and loveless, there can be no evolution and growth. Becoming the observer and bringing in true understanding is the first step towards our future . . . which is living in Brotherhood together – and More!
‘Because there was no judgement, my son communicated openly that he did go to his class..’ It is so important that we recognise that judgment comes from the feeling that we are either right or wrong, which is instilled in us from a very young age, especially when we get to school. Instead when we can recognise that there is no right or wrong, simply moments that offer opportunities for greater awareness we can let go of investments or the need to prove ourselves and allow ourselves to be open to what our choices have been about and to get to any hurts that have precipitated them. With this lack of judgement we are able to be much more honest and open about things, a much more healthy way to respond.
“To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.” Putting this into practice has been one of the major contributors to feeling life as a more even constant – where before I would have been moved by the swell of emotion in reaction to ‘life events’.
How many family lives are filled with “outbursts of emotions followed with periods of non-communication”? I know mine was as a child, with simmering emotions unexpressed and building so that it felt like living in a pressure cooker. I can see now that simply observing this outplay, and even talking through how I felt about it, would have made a huge difference.
Absolutely Janet – the opportunity to express brings so much more understanding to what has taken place, how we may feel about it and the ability to let go. We cannot ever underestimate the power of true expression.
Anonymous, it is very beautiful to feel the steadiness and lack of judgment in how you were with your son, allowing him the space to be honest and open up. This is a great way to live as a parent, rather than being in reaction and up and down emotionally depending on what is going on with our children.
I can feel how I have used the ‘observer’ position as a way to hide and not engage in life, but what I feel described here is totally different. A way of living where I am in life engaging but not taking on or over investing in life being a particular way.
It’s exactly what the world needs – understanding and observation. It is the judgement upon judgement that has been a great cause of the world to withdraw and be in the mess it is currently in.
“To observe is a choice” as is a reaction. We choose our behaviours. Why we choose them is for us to work through and through doing this we come to understand that this is the same for others. With this understanding we can see when we react it will inflame or perpetuate a situation. But when we react it all of a sudden becomes all about us and our own investments in something. Learning to observe in this world of reaction on reaction is a true gift.
Emotions and our images of how things ‘should’ look like are so debilitating. When I get caught in them I no longer seem to see the flow of life and the outplay of energy clearly. This story is such a great example of how wise it is to take a moment to come back to ourself, observe ourself as well as the situation, and also to deeply connect with the other person. We can then allow and observe magic to unfold.
It is beautiful to observe how with love and support we can let go of judgement and allow a space for ourselves to observe life as it truly is and not coloured by all our past hurts and experiences. As I learn to be more honest and open in my communication I can let go of the control that has ruled my perceptions of how life ‘should be’ which comes from ingrained ideals and beliefs from past experience.
Observing and understanding, not reacting, what a gift we give to ourselves and everyone around us.
“To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.” This so goes against practically everything of how we are generally supported to understand how, why and to manage the way we behave. However, as your example clearly shows, through this deeper understanding gained by not reacting from our senses and not taking things personally one is able to get to the truth of the situation with mutual understanding and appreciation.
Wow this is really inspiring to read – to be able to keep the observation going and not to take anything personally is key. So many opportunities where we can give ourselves this space to see beyond what we initially see and see what really is going on and bring some understanding really does allow us to have relationships that are loving.
Not going into reaction or taking what your son did personal allowed you to observe what was happening and ask the right questions, without judgment or hurt. A great lesson in how to live life more fully and joyfully.
It’s so powerful to simply observe what goes on, and not need it to be a certain way. When we need it to be a certain way, we impose.
“…When we are willing to observe, we are willing to develop a relationship with the world that has no judgement in it…” What a beautiful and truthful statement!
It’s amazing how quickly we can turn things around if we are willing to hold even an openness to understand a situation.
Holding onto hurts taints our life with the reactions and behaviours that we rely on in order to protect ourselves from not feeling that hurt again. It is crazy as in order to not get hurt we end up hurting others.
Reading your blog I was struck by the many layers and deepening of expression between you both and the steadiness of your ability to hold and observe that made this deepening possible. How different the world would be if we all understood this and acted in such a way. Beautiful thanks.
When we allow ourselves the space to sit back and observe for a second, we have the opportunity to feel a different angle on what is being presented and not get caught IN the process but see it for the game that it is and feel the quality of energy that it brings.
When we react are we not switching off who we are and trapping ourselves in a closed cycle that has no evolution?
I find that it is so valuable to observe myself in everything I do. Not to scrutinize but to just notice. It helps to keep things light and remember my sense of humour otherwise it can become quite a serious somber affair that becomes judgmental. Observing myself gently with humour and love allows me space to make mistakes and learn.
Observing rather than reacting supports us to bring love and understanding to any given situation when the situation we are reacting to is triggered by an event outside of us it is a gifted opportunity for both with us to go deeper with ourselves and heal . When we react we are reacting to our own held hurts and to let go of the pain of our own past and appreciate how far we have come is something to celebrate.
By choosing observation over reaction even the most horrible situations can be seen in a different light. One where we can learn to understand and approach from anothe angle rather that in reaction that goes around in circles and never moves on. A small example is adults who in reaction act like children once again simply because they are in that moment a much younger age where this reaction was adopted.
Whenever I find myself speaking in re-action I first have to admit that I have disconnected with myself and take the focus off whatever else I may be attempting to use to distract myself from this truth.
Anonymous, this is great to read, ‘Inspired by the body’s wisdom to continuously feel and express deeper in commitment to observing, understanding and not absorbing life.’ I love the steadiness and sense of presence in how you were this day that you describe in your blog, this is very beautiful way to be, where we are so steady that we are not affected by what is going on around us, we are then much more able to deal with whatever arises.
Well said Julie. I am learning to observe and not absorb life. The times when I have done this, feels very empowering because whenever I react to situations or people I am essentially giving my power away. Hence why we can often feel exhausted when we are emotionally caught up with ‘stuff’.
This is something I find challenging, to observe life and not absorb when I have held onto hurts and expectations. Letting go of layers of hurts and images of how I want something to be is truly freeing. It allows me to not take things personally and to simply stay open and observe.
I had a lesson only today about observing and not absorbing. I found myself reacting to what another was saying and immediately went into trying to control/change/be right with them in my own not so subtle way. All of a sudden I felt myself go and just surrender to the truth of the moment, that it’s all about presence and the quality I am holding, not what another is saying or not saying. Such a beautifully divine moment in the grace of my own love.
I keep being pulled back to this blog and each time I am moved even more by the significance and importance of ‘observation’. I can feel the debris of false belief, expectations, self judgement and anxiety fall away when I simply observe myself and other situations. Observation is a tool for living life in a way that enables me to feel and respond in a way that is empowering and unencumbered. What a joy!
This is the absolute truth – I often react to people or situations and this does not help, it creates judgement and separation. The instant moment I step back and observe I realise I don’t actually have an issue with any people, it’s about allowing space – when I do this I realise how much I love them, and that we aren’t perfect, we are all learning at our own pace. All I have to do is focus on my choices not anyone else’s.
There is so much to learn when we choose to observe and not absorb.
What a beautiful read Anonymous – a great bedtime story. There is much wisdom to this telling.. the gentle tender way and power of observation of your own feelings and that of another. It is one of my hobbies to observe people, and my feelings. The challenge is letting go what I feel and expressing what I observe – it is unique, and how I have developed my understanding of God, me, others and life.
Having read this blog again, I feel to take a moment and appreciate how far I have come and how I have developed a deeper connection with my body and how I can really hold and carry myself in the world. This has positively impacted all my relationships.
Anonymous this is very supportive to read, ‘as I was already in observation mode from the restaurant, I was still able to simply observe and no feelings of hurt arose as a result of the tone of his voice.’ I often feel hurt from the tone of peoples voices, so it is wonderful to read that this need not be the case, that I can simply observe and understand what is going on without taking it personally and reacting.
Have we all been living our life as an observer? We have our radar on for the things that have hurt us in the past so we can avoid them now. We become a coiled spring always under pressure. What does this pressure that we create on ourselves, do to our body’s? When we have dealt with our hurts, we are allowed to observe the present with clarity.
Meeting another with no judgement allows us to see their real beauty for who they are.
I am aware of just how much I react during the day down to the subtlest of levels, but I am learning more and more each day what it means to be in the art of observation and the impact this has on the quality of life. Life becomes far less exhausting and much simpler.
Reactions seem so very normal in our world today, being frustrated with this, or angry at that. But with observation we can learn more understanding both of ourselves and others, and so the reactions begin to diminish.
What a super lovely relationship you and your son are now developing 🙂
‘To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.’ To observe and not absorb life is something I work on for myself and often share with others.
“To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.” This is such an important understanding and way of living that would make all the difference to the world if we all were brought up like that and choose it. The world currently is based on reactions and we all love this as it feeds the energy that keeps us all going around in these patterns and behaviours. Imagine a different way of living based on understanding and loving choices for ourselves and others and the harmony we would all feel.
I have also felt this experience from the other perspective – to have been observed by another person. There is so much space to feel what is happening with no impostion that we are offered a very clear reflection of where we are at.
In observation there can be no expectation.
Wise words Kylie, and without expectations we no longer need to control the future, and so the need for reactions diminishes.
Feeling into any situation without judgement allows for a different response, rather than the immediate reaction that closes the situation down. It gives a pause to allow a reflection to occur and I could feel how your connection gave you the ability to assess what was happening and keep the communication open and true. Well done.
The first paragraph is a beautiful blueprint for life, a way of living that is without stress and what strikes me in reading it is that to observe is a choice; one that I can choose regardless of having chosen to react and reject the deeper understanding that is available in any given moment.
Giving space to observe something rather than react has been an incredible revelation for me, however I’ve come to understand that I am partly addicted to the reaction. To jumping into some form of spin out of the unjust way a situation plays out however in that no one benefits, no one grows and tensions mount. When we do observe it really does change our approach to life and the way we relate to everyone. Certainly as others have said a very different form of parenting and relationships.
Every moment offers the possibility of response or reaction. As we continue to make things less personal, our awareness of being able to respond without reaction develops. This can take time, but life certainly becomes more harmonious.
Great point Katerina. Through appreciation we see the whole picture rather than segments that skew our view from which we then react.
The power of observation is far reaching and comes from a deeper connection and commitment to being self loving and accepting of myself first. Reaction is the opposite and is always first a disturbance within myself.
‘And yet, as I was already in observation mode from the restaurant, I was still able to simply observe and no feelings of hurt arose as a result of the tone of his voice.’ – This goes to show how important our initial response is and how that quality of movement transfers to the next moment as well as the next movement. To develop our ability to observe makes a huge difference.
what you have shared is truly inspirational in how we could approach every interaction in our lives, instead of choosing the reaction, choose the observation and in that space what is needed to learn can be felt and in the understanding we step further on the path of awakening and expanding our awareness.
One of the benefits of observing is, after a while, to learn to read the situation, to know what is happening with the teacher, with the son, with their interaction and to know whether to allow it to play itself out or whether to intervene, with whom and how. I find it often amazing what is the correct action when I am able to read a situation.
Being the observer feels like an anchor to the body – from there, we can respond with the bodies wisdom and knowing. Being the absorber, we loose that anchor and our footing to what is true via our breath and body and who knows where the reactions are then coming from.
In observing and not reacting not only do we not get caught in the emotional turmoil which can blur our understanding of a particular situation but we can see and feel far deeper into it than we think often realise the truth of it rather than the facade life normally presents.
A beautiful blog showing the importance in our lives to observe and not absorb what is going on around us allowing a deeper understanding and reading and the wisdom from this it allows us. What a lovely way to allow a deeper intimacy with our children family friends in fact ourselves also and the world we live in.
Such a beautiful blog here Anonymous. How gorgeous it is for your son to not feel your reaction coming at him, and therefore he was able to open up to his feelings and share this to you which brought understanding between you both.
I absolutely love the respect you showed your son through this. How amazing to allow him to make his own choices and not punish him for that. Very inspriing!
Observation allows for us to see the totality before us without attachment or reaction and it is from here that great understanding is possible, wisdom and unity.
Observe and not absorb eliminates judgment, and not going into reaction. Your blog Anonymous is such a powerful example of your experience of this in your life with your son. ” And yet, as I was already in observation mode from the restaurant, I was still able to simply observe and no feelings of hurt arose as a result of the tone of his voice. “
I used to use sarcasm a lot and it was to cover up and for me to not want to feel a hurt. I still do it occasionally and it’s a red flag that there is something to feel. What’s great is that when others around me are sarcastic, I don’t react, but just stay steady knowing that they too are not wanting to feel a hurt and the sarcasm is just a cover up.
Being able to observe and not absorb in life is true medicine.
‘It dissolved the picture of how we have to be and freed the both of us to simply be ourselves and, with each choice we make, to continue to trust more deeply who we are.’ – It makes the world of difference when we are able to let go of any investment in what is playing out and instead stay open to look at what the situation is teaching us – very liberating.
Thank you Anonymus, I have found that the more I deepen the appreciation of who I am the less space there is in my body for reactions and emotions that would normally take me away from the essence of who I am.
Observing and not absorbing is so good for our health and the health of our relationships, as if there is ever a situation which could become tense, than observing keeps the space open, whilst absorbing sends us on a series of reactions- designed not to let us feel the true potential of connection with other people.
Observing is key in life, and coming back to it bit by bit I am finding how healing it is for me AND everyone else. When I observe, I am connected to all that is happening, but not IN it. Therefore, I can get a sense of what is needed. Whereas, when I am IN it I have no real awareness of what is needed, I am only aware of my own process.
This was simply beautiful to read of how observation led to openness and more intimacy between two people. When we are in reaction, even if it is not voiced, it’s still an imposing energy that impacts on our ability to express and connect with one another. Truly life is all about self responsibility.
Thanks for sharing this, Anonymous. It helps me to look at my own pattern of withdrawal and protection rather than observing and saying what I truly feel without fear of being attacked or rejected. By not expressing what I feel, things get pent up inside and then come out in strong reactions which harms all concerned.
I meet a lot of people in my job, any issue, emotion, reaction could come through the door, I put myself in the mix of life so to speak, I do not hide from people…I Love meeting people and connecting. Learning to observe in all areas of life, but work is a great example, has allowed me to stay steady and hold understanding for another, without going into reactions and emotions myself. It also allows me to meet them for who they are beyond the stuff and protection and I find this a deep honour and joy.
This is a great example of how relationships do not have to be filled with emotion, and that even if we do react there is more to learn about ourselves and others, and by giving others the space to express how they feel without expectations and pictures is huge.
Observing our re-actions teaches us much and gives us a deeper understanding of ourselves.
True Vicky, I can learn so much more about myself now, when I stop to look at my re-actions. Observing gives me understanding and also compassion for myself and others.
The way you related to your son throughout this day is very inspiring Anonymous. Each time you made choices to feel and observe without reacting would no doubt be felt and appreciated by your son. How beautiful to experience life in this way, as it is not the ‘normal’ way, but very powerful.
indeed, it is very normal in our societies that we react to one another and at times that is even challenged by others in the way that they want me to react to something that in their eyes is not fair or honest and must be fought for in order to keep my worth. But to me this is not true when I come from observation and in that everything is looked at and comes with great understanding and a knowing what action has to be taken if needed.
Interestingly there are many times when people look at us askance when we don’t react. That is very common in my experience.
Absolutely gorgeous blog, the wisdom you share here is timeless.
How often have we heard about the powers of observation but not really comprehended how truly powerful observation is and how it brings a new level of awareness . “To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.”
We learn so much more about life, the universe and everything when we observe what is going on rather than being stuck in the middle of it all, buffeted by each new assault or thing that we react to.
I agree Simon, to me it feels that we have learned to react, while our natural response is to learn from observation.
True – our body responds in the way we have trained it.
To bring a body of responsibility, detachment and true observation requires us to consistently retrain our body – firstly by dealing with our reactions to life and unhealed hurts and from here, by allowing life to be in true acceptance of ourselves and others.
It is wonderful that your son has let you know what is happening for him in that art class. And then I love the way you appreciated your deepening relationship:’ I immediately appreciated how far we have come and the quality of the connection between us.’ Appreciation is one of the most powerful acts in the world. It grows the love and makes a new platform for even more love.
It is amazing how much we can judge others for things we used to do ourselves or even still do! The more I allow myself to observe life the more I then get to understand the behaviour at hand and so am given the opening to be responsive to the situation rather than purely judgemental and condemning the person further.
The difference in how I feel at the end of a day at work if I have worked on observing what happens around me rather than trying to go out to it is amazing. Such a simple way of not being affected by the daily dramas which can take place and allowing us to offer a reflection of another way to those who remain caught in the constant motion of life.
This is an interesting point Alexis, it allows me to feel the way that judgment and control are inseparable from each other. Of course we are not truly in control of anyone so judgment is always a recipe for hurt and disconnection.
This is beautiful to read Anonymous. The understanding you were able to bring to your son is amazing and it is clearly a consequence of the choice to observe the situation rather than take it personally.
I find that observing like you’ve described here brings a moment of space and helps me have a clearer understanding of everything going on in a situation and a clearer choice in how I then respond rather than just from a knee-jerk or gut reaction.
If we all observed ourselves and our life, the world would be a far more harmonious place.
How awesome to grow up with this wisdom from very young… when we respond to another rather than react it allows space for a far more loving and harmonious connection, and when we trust that connection, the relationship keeps deepening.
Yes a game changer indeed, by stepping back and observing it is possible to see what hurts and but also see it is not all hurt, that we ourselves are still there and can make choices of how to respond in a way that is honouring of both. The fact that we often are not observing as we are not present is the most important part because when we are not present we will not notice all of these hurts and thus be at the mercy of our reactions.
Understanding can totally transform relationships. Understanding ourselves, what might have triggered us and understanding the other persons choices and where they come from to make a certain for us unexpected choice. It is challenging to do at times, I find, but when I go there, make the effort to feel and understand, it is really beautiful to stay in connection with the other person and not let any tension or reaction come in between.
This must be one of the best parenting tips I have received in my life. A practical real example of how observation without judgement allows true communication to occur. Deeply beautiful, thank you.
You open up a whole new level of what our relationships could be. Instead of going into the usual chain reaction of reactions that we so very much learn as being normal, you allow yourself to stop and feel what is going on for you underneath all these emotions. You allow yourself to drop the act and open up your heart and ask yourself the question what is really going on.
Observation leads to living universality, that is we no longer feel ourselves as separate individuals but consider ourselves as part of the Whole.
I love this blog Anonymous, it has helped me realise there is a constant reaction and judgement going on in my life, measuring events in the super draining way. All from a desire to be safe and sound, which ironically observing guarantees. Your words make me think of how Shakespeare described the world as merely a play, and all of us players on the stage, for what I had not got until now is that it is all an out-play of energy and we are all playing out what comes through – so why not just observe what energy is impulsing life with you?
This is really interesting to read, I react a lot less than I used to, and am learning to observe much more. If I do react, I am learning to not respond straight away, or often at all ( as it’s not needed) because I know in reaction what comes out will not be loving and often telling, or in truth because I have not felt or understood the person or situation clearly, as I have made it personal and about me.
‘ my son’s previous reactions of frustration and anger would have seemed quite normal to him as they were very often mirrored in the world around him’ This is true Anonymous, how powerful it is when simple observation and understanding is reflected back, a great healing in fact.
I am coming back to read this again and have had so many conversations over the last few days about hurts and how they affect our communication or lack thereof. What I hear when I re-read is they come from our picture not being met or lived up to, so pin order to address the hurt, which can dominate our way of living by continually feeding us that we are hurt or even victims, we have to look at choosing to let go of the pictures and, as you offer, simply observe how life is and what it is offering us.
One of the things that hurt us the most is our judgment of others. The problem is that if we are judging others we have already judged ourselves first so the way to deal with judgment is to heal our self-judgment. It is our self-judgment that is quite literally killing us.
A deeper acceptance of ourselves and surrendering to the wisdom we inherently are and hold within naturally brings this living quality to another, be that our child, neighbour or wider family of life.
Really lovely to re-read this again this morning, as I had a situation yesterday at work that presented itself yet again, with the same person but this time it was different as there was a split second where I observed that this was the same cycle coming around again, which has since highlighted that there is even more insights as to what the energy behind this re-occuring situation is offering to us both equally.
I agree Fiona. The ‘loading of emotions’ is such a great way to put it as that’s exactly what it is. A heavy weight that we put or even dump onto others to lessen our own load. But how damaging is this? If we realised what we were doing energetically we would never allow this to happen.
It is so easy for us to go into a reaction, but when we do choose to take a moment to stop and simply observe what is going on it allows a space to open up for everyone involved. And what can develop from there can be momentus!
When we allow ourselves a moment of space as we observe we allow the world to be without any drive or expectation and in this there is a freedom to be without any imposition.
Emotional outbursts followed by periods of not communicating are a familiar pattern, however I always found those periods of not talking quite excruciating. It is so natural for us to communicate, but the way we do it is the key. The more we learn about and bring understanding to ourselves, the more we can do that for another. There is great power in being able to observe rather than get swallowed up in our emotions.
I really like this observation “Hence, my son’s previous reactions of frustration and anger would have seemed quite normal to him as they were very often mirrored in the world around him, to the likely detriment of us all.” as it is so true that we are surrounded by a ‘normal’ that is in fact the opposite to our natural or divine state yet because ‘everyone’ is doing it it becomes how we are. So much to observe and question and develop!
Yes, Abby. If we stay in our quality and do not react, this builds a foundation that can carry us through the day and all kinds of situations.
Yes, indeed. If we can be honest with one another about our hurts, our relationships can go to a much deeper level.
Observing gives us some space to pause and feel what is really happening. Then we have a clearer understanding what is truly taking place and have no need to jump in and react. It changes the outcomes of many situations when there are no judgements.
Observing life is a sure way to allowing others room to develop without any imposition or expectation – absolutely brilliant.
I love your description of how you and your son communicated without reaction. How amazing this would be if we could do this all the time. It is worth observing life in order to gain the understanding needed to be able to do this.
Great point Steve I would say yes currently we do spend more time reacting to the world we live in rather than taking a step back and observing. This does not mean we don’t care just that by observing we are not adding to it but instead giving it space to truly feel what is going on. With the increase in social media I would say probably about 99.9% of us read and react instead of observe and respond. If we changed just this it would make a huge difference.
“To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us..” Love this Anonymous. Observing has not one ounce of judgement in it – and people feel it when we observe as opposed to judging.
‘after we parted ways, I simply felt a very solid trust with myself and with him’ – Trust is certainly to do with more than just the other person and whether they generally don’t ‘let us down’ or do deceitful things, and without trust with ourselves first and foremost it’s impossible to trust in anyone else.
There’s a song in there – oh, wait, I think some dude’s already written it! 🎤😀
This is a great reminder for me Sandra. Those ‘challenges’ that we meet – can be seen as challenges or as opportunities. See them as challenges – and the mountain becomes bigger and me and my day are affected. Observe them as opportunities – I remain still and they become points of evolution.
Observing ourselves is a crucial part of this, so that we can notice when we are ‘off’ i.e. disconnected from our true selves. When we live in the illusion that we are right, that what we say justifies everything, then we can choose to stop and reconnect. Anything we say from reaction is laced with all our past, the trick is to remain aware of our past but not let it affect us now.
Living and responding from observation rather than reaction is something we can learn, develop and deepen. It can be very challenging at times as it awakens deep and long held hurts but it is so worth the perseverance.
Learning to take a step back is a true sign of intelligence that brings a spacious quality to any situation. Still a skill I am learning to master but appreciating that the more I do, the simpler it becomes to resolve problems and support each other to express our feelings without being swamped by them, a much needed and very positive step forward in bringing true compassion into our humanitarian relationships.
Yes, totally agree. As demonstrated in this blog it deepens and enhances relationships.
Anonymous, this article is really helpful. I am learning to observe and not react, what I have found by observing is that I remain loving and understanding and do not go into judgment of others; I am able to read the situation and understand what is really going on, this then seems to create less defensiveness and reaction from the other person.
Observation is such an important thing to develop, as by creating space between us and what happens around us there is an opportunity to have clarity and understanding during situations like the one you shared rather than being involved in the drama or stress.
Thank you Anon, what a wonderful story and learning. What I felt as I read was how you offered space to yourself and your son, and how liberating, healing, expanding and indeed joyful that is.
Key to being an observer and understanding of a situation is our willingness to feel the hurt without judgment or any desire to alleviate it; it is a kind of raw honesty that has no self in it. I find your account deeply moving and very inspiring, thank you. There is a beautiful immediacy here that I appreciate a lot.
It is powerful to bring understanding to another when they are expressing from a hurt but we can only do this when we take a step back and stop personalising their reaction. The story you have shared beautifully demonstrates this Anonymous.
This is a beautiful example of how powerful it is when we take responsibility for our reactions and responses, holding steady in ourselves and our connection to what feels true. We can then observe life from a solid foundation of knowing.
I love this line, something to definitely ponder on, ‘When we are willing to observe, we are willing to develop a relationship with the world that has no judgement in it.’ I feel sometimes it is quite a hard thing to do, not go into some form of reaction, even only if a small amount, especially when it’s with regards to children and their safety. You could have gone into worry or panic regarding if he was alright, if he didn’t turn up to his art class where was he, why didn’t he go etc and allow all kinds of thoughts to come in and affect you but you didn’t. It sounds like you stayed calm, honoured your feelings and just stayed with what you were doing in that moment, with friends, walking, and then getting a ferry. Because of this when you arrived home your son was not greeted with anger or frustration but instead felt he could share with you at a deeper level in turn taking your relationship deeper than it had been before. This is a great learning for us in how observation stops both judgement and reaction and allows the opportunity for further evolution, especially with relationships. Thanks for sharing.
We are so used to reacting in life we don’t always realise it is there until we can develop our skills of self observation, i.e. feeling everything we speak. How amazing that you were able to listen to your son in a way that gave him permission to tell the truth instead of what he might have thought you wanted to hear.
I like this blog, if we need another to be a certain way for us, there is no love, and we cannot truly understand what’s really going on for them, without sympathy, as we are making it all about ourselves.
Thank you Anonymous. These little steps are in fact huge and can build true and solid relationships. Your commitment here could herald a new way of being for you and your son. Very inspiring.
We are connected to a well of joy within, and looking out from here it is obvious that there are a lot of situations in the world where this is not evident – so thank you for sharing our personal responsibility, to be connected to this joy.
Recently I had a moment where I could have reacted but instead chose, and it is a choice to just observe, and the deepening that occurred in the relationship because of it was profound. You are so correct in saying Anon that we use our reactions as tools to not feel what is going on for us.
There is so much in what you have shared, as I raise our daughter these sorts of things will come up for us in that regard but also in my general communication with people in life. One part that I’ll be pondering on is; “It was by being present and being honest about my hurts that I found I could return to being observant by choice. ” rather than running from what is there, what our hurts may be, by staying and observing we deepen our connections with others.
“It was by being present and being honest about my hurts that I found I could return to being observant by choice.” So often I choose to ignore what I am feeling with a desire to bury my emotions and reactions, but by simply recognising them and staying observant I can see how it is possible to be more present with less judgment on others and myself. From there it makes sense that relationships can become deeper and more connected.
I have discovered that when I react, I complicate things and hinder my ability to get to the bottom of what is really going on. Being able to observe my reactions is a real skill that I too am developing. It’s clear that you have a relationship with your son that has him feeling safe and comfortable enough to share his feelings with you.
What I love about this sharing is how taking the time and space to feel how you feel allows you to more clearly communicate with and meet another with understanding, it’s no longer about one or the other being right but about an open curiosity to understand what is truly going on, and it starts with the honesty and responsibility to feel what exactly is going on with us. Great sharing, thank you.
A profound sharing Anonymous – as we learn to observe and not fall back into old reactions, everything can change, as with the communication with your son.
I realise after reading this blog how important it is to appreciate how far we have come in a relationship that has deepened in connection and openness, as this greatly supports the awareness that we can extend this quality to all our relationships.
What a beautiful example Anon of the power of observing and the re-imprinting of conversations that would often come from reaction. Amazing to feel the potential that unfolds as these old patterns are undressed, now you and your son have felt together what is possible, nothing will ever be the same.
Gorgeous to read this blog today and very inspiring to feel how much space you allowed your son so that he expressed freely because you were not in judgement of him. And I can feel how much you are with and connected with your body in order to be an observer and not an absorber and what a precious gift you offer your son. This is a blog I plan to re-visit.
It’s important in these types of situations to avoid jumping to conclusions and letting the mind run off with a picture, as quite often the picture never matches the truth. Observing and asking what is the energy behind what ever is going on at the time often helps to keep an arms length with the potential emotion.
” In essence, speaking in reaction like this is our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt.” Expressing how we feel is important. So many buried feelings can otherwise erupt at inappropriate moments. Observing and understanding where we are coming from – with love – is so important.
A beautiful sharing showing that giving ourselves space to observe allows us to not react and develops a deeper understanding of what is going on and a true connection with others . Thank you very inspiring.
I know its not an easy thing not to react to what our kids may get up to because sometimes what they do is designed to get a reaction but I’m sure being able to observe without reacting would become a very good parenting tool to build greater relationships with our kids.
What a beautiful example of a true and honouring way to communicate with each other that you shared here, Anonymous. Thank you – it is very instructive and inspiring.
Great example Anonymous of how being an observer allows space, and space allows for understanding that draws connection to develop and deepen relationships.
What a precious and priceless gift you gave yourself by becoming the observer, with any hint of a reaction soon being dissolved, and from this place you were able to express to your son your true feelings and to listen to what he had to say. All children, in fact anyone, wants is to be listened to and to be truly heard but this goes out the window when reaction is let in through the doorway of emotions.
My feeling is that observation offers space for people to be who they truly are – no judgements or expectations – and this is very powerful. In fact I would go further and say that a true act of observation is an act of love.
A super example of how not reacting can open the gates to such intimacy; super hard sometimes so super respect to you for maintaining that connection.
Your son choosing whether or not to attend the class with this teacher allowed him to deepen his knowing of what felt ok or not. You listening to him expressing his choice and being heard without judgement deepens your relationship. Great observation.
This is a great example of how we can change relationships by simply being the observer. It’s definitely the way to be; it brings spaciousness to any situation so that we all can breathe and express ourselves without fear and recrimination.
Great breakdown Anonymous of how reaction v observing and understanding works. I intend to implement more of what you share so wisely, as frustration is a place I can go to all too quickly! Thanks to you and your son for providing this beautiful example of what was ultimately a reaction-free interaction.
You have changed the way your son now observes the world he lives in, rather than be eaten by it as most of us have, many years ago.
I do so love how you have chosen to share this insight. I am so glad to have this example of detaching amd observing amd expressing from your wisdom and understanding of life, rather than needing him to have done any particular thing. this allowed him the space to express what he felt too, and be honest about it with you. A great way to be with each other where no one is getting hurt, or entangled in emotions.
I appreciate how lovingly you were able to stay in observation and not go into stress, judgement or anxiousness about your son. It shows how you are more detached from the common picture of mothering. This is inspirational.
We lap up movies and Tv shows and spend so much time ‘watching’. But we have a habit of identifying with dramas and character-driven plot lines, to the extent that we believe these to be real. We talk about returning to ‘real life’ away from TV but what your words show Anonymous is we have the same habit of indulging in a soap opera. The only way past this as you beautifully say is to feel and understand what makes us sad and upset in the first place.
“… by being present and being honest about my hurts that I found I could return to being observant by choice…” Is a great way of showing how taking responsibility is really about being honest with ourselves, and how this then changes everything in the way we interact with ourselves and with others… that we begin to respond rather than react in situations
Asking questions rather than assuming is certainly the way to go in all our relationships. I love the ageless wisdom teachings on observing and not absorbing; thank you Anonymous for sharing your experiences and wisdom. I love observant by choice;
“It was by being present and being honest about my hurts that I found I could return to being observant by choice”.
Wow, the power of observation. I dearly loved reading your blog as I can very much relate to what you’ve shared. I have reacted to my children many times and this part is a great example of why ‘… In essence, speaking in reaction like this is our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt.’ this is brilliant, I have certainly experienced this.
You remind me how potent it is to not react but observe and seek to understand first… the outcome is so markedly different in my experience. The opportunity to deepen relationships this way is profound.
It is deeply beautiful to come to a place where you have developed such an understanding and appreciation of yourself, that you can surrender to being able to observe and allow another to be where they are and thus release them from the imposition that pictures and expectations can have on a relationship…. It is never too late to let go of what stands in the way of true communication.. and learn to express and develop your relationship like you now are.
One of the most important things i have learnt from Serge Benhayon is that ‘Love is an observation’.
Observation is an expansion of what is true and what is not for it allows the space to feel with honesty and understanding that we each feel the world in different ways and experience many different things throughout our lives. Surrendering to how we feel without reaction offers so much learning and I appreciate that wholeheartedly. Thank you Anonymous.
wow this clearly shows how being observant gives us the space to see what’s really going on rather than the narrowed vision that hurts restrict us to. We are much bigger than our hurts. Even though they may feel painful widening the focus we can observe a bigger picture which allows for love and understanding which dissolves the hurt.Sometimes I really want to hold on to the hurt because I’ve been using it to justify unloving behaviour. being loving with myself allows me to let go of them.
Oh yes I can very much relate Karin, for I too sometimes have found that I want to hold onto a hurt, not wanting to let go, not wanting to take responsibility, not wanting to move forward. But I can feel how this old pattern is no longer gripping me as it once did, especially the more I trust in myself and this self-trust deepening every day creating the space for me to express even more of myself – which as you have written is ‘being loving with myself’.
Not going into judgement but being open to receiving what is truly before us is not a light task. Over the past few years I’ve been learning to observe and respond to life rather than react to life. The difference is stark in that one opens up the world and the other closes it down into a lesser, twisted version of what it actually is. The more I respond and say how I feel the more restrictive holding reactions and pictures of what is becomes more obvious.
There is such a massive difference in the quality of the communication we can have with others when we remove reaction from the conversation. Reaction attacks the other person and makes it very difficult for them to feel they can trust the space that is there to talk honestly. I have learned that you can pretty much say anything to most people if you do it from a loving intent, free from reaction.
There is a vast difference in responding vs. reacting, your final point being one example. Well said, Stephen.
Thank you for sharing this – I’ve been feeling super reactive lately and by working on my observation, I can begin to work on my reactions and ultimately, myself.
The very fact that you have observed that you have been reacting is the first, gigantic and most important step. This is the stop that is needed and then from there it is easy! So many of us don’t even realise that 99.9% of our actions are re-actions.
To assume that we know what is going on can cause or increase breakdown in communication. True observation allows for true expression.
The moment we react we are at the mercy of our emotions, which pretty much always in my experience, spiral out of control into a situation that is difficult to bring back to even just having a balanced view. Understanding brings to us the grace of space between us and what is occurring. In his we have the opportunity to stop and take a step back which gives us the chance to respond and not react. In responding we don’t abandon ourselves to the emotion maelstrom, and instead are able to observe objectively and without judgement.
“In essence, speaking in reaction like this is our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt.” Nailed it. The blame and confronting tone that we can take in many situations is one of the greatest smoke screens to the fact that we are hurt. But instead of taking responsibility for our hurt so often we choose instead to lash out either overtly or with passive aggression, which really only accomplishes one thing: making someone else feel hurt too.
Observing instead of going into reaction is something I would really like to be able to do consistently – as I know how exhausting that is. Just a few days ago I experienced one of my familiar pattern of going into reaction which made me realise how that particular relationship was actually very superficial and functional and I have never actually allowed myself to feel what is truly going on therefore missing out on opportunity to deepen my relationship with them.
This is beautiful, showing us the importance of the relationship we have with ourself and thus the world around us, being in response instead of reaction brings space to express.
What a deeply beautiful blog Anonymous! You are a pioneer in building true relationships, going against the strong stream of the status quo. It has become the norm to emote loudly about everything – ‘ reactions of frustration and anger would have seemed quite normal to him as they were very often mirrored in the world around him, to the likely detriment of us all.’ This eruption of emoting all around us is probably the result of so many years of the status quo commanding a stiff upper lip and full-on suppression of reactions, rather than observation. Observation and feeling are sure-fire ways of understanding and developing deep relationships of love and equal-ness.
It’s absolutely amazing when, as a young man/woman, we are understood and spoken to as a friend rather than a lesser un-knowing individual.
Being able to hold ourselves within these kind of situations comes from our own Livingness with ourselves and then holds us in good stead when we are needed to hold that steadiness and love with another so that they can feel held and more open to sharing how they are truly feeling without all of the emotion, just a sharing of what actually happened. This is a very honouring and true way to be with others.
Communication is so much more open, and flows more harmoniously when we observe our bodies responses and express how we are feeling – there is a simplicity that creates space for everyone to express.
And doesn’t this set us up to fully understand one another without the colours that may paint the picture.
It is great that you were able to observe all the little changes of the whole discussion because then we can observe exactly when it is that we feel we ‘lose it’ and catch ourselves to not go into reaction. There is such power to make changes when we observe this, so it’s really great to honour and appreciate the difference we can all make with these types of situations.
I got totally caught the other day where I reacted to a tour bus that was riding my tail and flashing lights at me to move over. The reaction I had was from the unfairness and the energy of abuse it came with. I was doing the speed limit and there was no room for me to change lanes. Even though I do not condone the behaviour in hindsight I see he may have been running late that day. We reported the incidence to the bus company also as it was dangerous. Afterward I was shocked at how I reacted, but it allowed me to feel how easy it is to lose ourselves when we do not stay present or absorb what is coming at us. Great lesson.
When we surrender to what we are feeling, observe what is going on, let go of any pictures that we may hold, the truth is there for us to see. I saw so many paths that this situation could have gone down and most of them resulted in reacting and not allowing the truth to be heard. Amazing work, and very inspiring that you came to the truth. You can work with that.
I feel you have nailed it here anonymous … “In essence, speaking in reaction like this is our unwillingness to admit that we are hurt.” Observation gives us the space to feel and express without reaction, and also to bring a greater understanding to any situation. When we take things personally, we cannot truly observe or read what is going on.
I can relate to all that is shared here. To observe but not absorb what is going on around me has been a fundamental revelation in my life of late, and I have enormous gratitude to Serge Benhayon for imparting this teaching. Previously, I soaked up everything that was going on in the world around me; emotions, behaviours, thoughts etc. that were not mine but that I took on because I had no ‘filter’ and because I was always desperately trying to help other people and alleviate the pain that they were in, albeit at great expense to myself. It took me awhile to realise that the reason I took on so much from others was so that I didn’t have to deal with the pain that I carried deep within myself and did not, under any circumstance, what any of these deep seated hurts to see the light of day. So, like a saturated sponge I absorbed my way through life with the occasional hysterical outburst when the level of absorption got too much to handle and the weight of this too much to bear.
When we learn to truly observe life, we are able to detach from the emotion of it all while staying deeply connected to what we and others are feeling. I cannot express enough how liberating this has been for me. It has been like swimming under water my whole life in a turbulent sea with great gulps of water in my lungs, only to bob up above surface to meet the warmth of the sun on my skin and heavenly breath fill my lungs once again.
Humanity is drowning. It is true we save ourselves.
This is absolutely amazing Liane, thank you for sharing. Can so relate as well. Often I have tried to make situations better because to feel any pain or see others in pain would be too much. How important is it to ‘observe and not absorb’ in order to truly feel, which sometimes may not feel nice either but as I am coming to learn it is far better to see what is really going on and not try and fix everything, perhaps being an observer is the way to true service.
Such an inspiring sharing highlighting how vital our relationship with honesty and truth is, if we are to truly be in a loving relationship with ourselves and all others. To observe is to be in surrender to universal truth. To simply feel what is of this truth and what is not and to be willing to respond with the truth that is felt, allows us the opportunity to return to love and deepen our relationship with love. As in each and every moment we are presented the opportunity for evolution for ourselves and with others, if we are open to it.
How beautiful to be given the space to express and be with ones decisions, rather than be judged and criticised for ones choices. When we are allowed to be who we are, it opens up the space for us to express what is happening as we feel safe to do so. Not all relationships are like this, and so there is much to celebrate when we share this is a friendship. Thank you Anonymous for this precious sharing.
Thank you anonymous,
This is a very powerful article. Your sharing clearly shows that having a willingness to observe and understand is key to honest communication. This blog leaves me feeling very still, with a sense of not needing to pre-empt any thing. More a sense of taking myself to whatever is presenting and responding to what is there.
Young people are willing to express if we are willing to listen without judgment, which means not judging ourselves either, for being a not-so-great parent. Letting go of the pictures of expectation makes a huge difference and allows us to see and hear what is truly going on.
It’s great to see the power of observation being spoken about because it does give you the space to not run over a feeling. As this blog is saying the way we live and move supports us to observe, understand and not let a reaction keep running. There are many types and ways to react to things, you can have an audible and obvious reaction or you can have one that is very internal, held and more hidden. Is it important to not react, you could say yes but we aren’t mean to be perfect and so it’s not the reaction but the return from the reaction that’s the key. The deeper you live truly connected to how you are feeling and your movement with that will support you to drop the reaction you have had possibly in the next step. After all we all react but some of us don’t return from there while others return in the next step. This blog highlights the return and how it then supports relationships around us to deepen and bring in understanding.
There is such a deep awareness offered here, and I’m truly inspired by the power and solidity of the reflection you are offering. There is another way to communicate and understand each other and honouring what is true regarding how both people feel. Thank you.
Working on and healing our hurts allows for the space in which we are able to more deeply observe and relate from this place rather than from reaction. It requires a commitment to stay connected and is well worth the effort as our relationships deepen and grow.
It’s so inspiring to read how you communicate in your relationship with your son. This should be the blue print for communication in all relationships because “..with our choice to communicate in this way our connection deepened even more.”
I can feel the times where I have been able to let go of how I would like things to be and just observed, it allows you to respond with an openess and like you shared get to a deeper understanding of what is going on.
It is so ingrained in us to react to our children when they are doing something that we may not like or feel comfortable with. Observing the situation and not reacting but asking in a respectful way for clarification of his behaviour has worked miracles in my relationship with my son. Of course i am not always perfect but the deepening of our relationship is confirmation that I am on the right track!
How wonderful for your son to be parented by somebody who’s willing to listen, even in moments where beliefs, ideals and pictures come into the occasion. We all would love to be heard and if we are, most of us are prepared to be fragile and open. To truly share what is going on. I’ve found that whenever I can feel the honesty and innocence within somebody, I immediately drop deeper into my own heart and understanding is right there. No patience to really listen and the unwillingness to share what is truly going on, leaves us with so much despair and loneliness. Which isn’t needed. Thank you for the inspiration.
I agree Floris this is an absolute blessing for her son to be parented by someone who is willing to listen and not judge even in moments where it would be easy to react.
So much can be learnt by allowing the space to observe as events take place rather than to be caught in the moment of an emotional reaction. With observation and understanding we can reimprint our previous reactions and bring healing to a situation.
I know when I react to something or someone, I lose the ability to observe and understand the full picture and instead have made up my own inaccurate one.
This is a great sharing in observation, and how we have a choice to not react. When we let go of needing things to be a picture and then hoping that picture is met, we don’t have anything to react too. A much deeper level of relationship can be reached if we observe.
Sometimes I feel when I get these reactive thoughts that I am wrong which makes me forget I have that choice to not express them verbally but stay with myself and observe. It is great to realise our thoughts are not our own and do not define us and that there is a choice which ones we express and which ones not.
Dear Anonymous, such a lovely sharing and what I felt was so beautiful was the sense of the space you held for your son to allow him to feel he could express without being judged. Very inspiring.
Yes Jane, I noticed this too. By allowing space for oneself, it allows space for others.
Its true Jane, as the door is opened the space is richly palpable.
It is amazing how much when we truly let another person be and observe that they then open up as well. We so often lace or judge people with what we think or want them to be rather than simply connecting to the beauty they naturally are.
Very true James. Very often we may find ourselves complaining that our relationships are superficial but we don’t often turn our attention to the way we hold and understand others.
Exactly we can judge others yet not actually do the work ourselves – its like saying I will open up and love you but you have to prove you love me 1st.
Inspiring read, there is definitely more to ourselves than simply learning routine and function. W e are indeed very sensitive and for a child situations like you have described are very big. It must be an absolute blessing for him to feel like he can open up that much and share his feelings. If we all shared from our feeling this would develop a much needed trust that is missing from the threads that are woven all through society.
‘To observe is to choose to not react to what we receive through our senses, but to feel a deeper understanding of what is around us.’ – Thanks for highlighting this important fact. We live in a world where reaction is the norm, and we learn to take on the world’s (other people’s) drama and we choose to get involved in stuff that is destined to keep us distracted and disconnected from ourselves, which then creates stress, tension and disharmony in our bodies, which in turn affects our relationships and everything else around us.
I have found it is so important to not presume we know what is going on for a young person. Asking is so much simpler and more respectful.
Asking over assuming anyday!
I agree Lucy… I have found this to be true time and time again. Whenever I make an assumption it falls completely flat, and in fact it is usually the exact opposite of what I have assumed.
Yep, with you on that one!
Reacting and going into emotion is so common, it is what we see around us all the time but observing, understanding and not judging is still something that I am learning. Sometimes I am on track, and sometimes I am not.