To the outsider, fashion styling is thought to be a very glamorous job. It looks like we get to hang out with models and celebrities, dress them up and be surrounded by beautiful clothes. We work in hotel rooms and have room service delivered to us, we are surrounded by the most expensive brand names and know all the inside news, and we get to shop at privileged prices. We work in exciting environments with celebrity photographers who have captured the most famous faces and the work we produce can make fashion history. But just like everything in the fashion industry, what we see on the outside is far from the truth.
I have been in this industry for over 20 years. I can still remember the first day walking into a high fashion boutique as a salesperson… and for the next few years I was completely owned by a force from which I could not extricate myself, but felt immense tension succumbing to. To put it simply, when I said yes to this industry, I was saying yes to a rhythm that fed on the disregard of myself, so every day at work I compromised my body by feeling a tension, which I did not know how to unravel.
For 3 years I stood for 10 hours a day in 3 inch heels, part of a uniform I chose to say yes to, and part of my job. When the shop was very busy, the time I ate was haphazard: I stood (still in my 3 inch heels) and chowed down something quick (usually high in fat, sugar and flavour) and because I starved myself so much, cigarettes, alcohol and coffee were also part of my daily diet.
I took a lot of abuse from customers because I worked with a high fashion brand and we were told the customers are always right, although many of them outright abused us by staying in the shop hours after closing just because they felt they could, and many stole from us as well, but we were not allowed to say no to them.
I was in constant anxiety and reaction towards the abuse that I accepted in this industry. In attempts to numb myself from feeling the abuse I chose for myself, my body was in such a raw and exhausted state every day that every night was a letting loose. When the whole company would meet I would drink and eat heavily, so much so that there were many occasions that within the hour I would already be completely gone, sometimes waking up the next day with yellow bruises from falling down and hitting things and losing consciousness.
The stress I was in from having to make monthly sales, dealing with difficult customers and flying constantly to Milan (as I had become a buyer and an assistant manager to the shop then) to buy for the next season, took an intense toll on my body. Flying to Milan was a complete nightmare because of the already high stress life that I was living.
Exhaustion was already a normal part of my life, and the added stress of a long haul flight and living in constant anxiety about the jobs that I would have to handle in a foreign country made sleeping on the plane impossible. Without sleep and having to start working in a showroom early the next morning for the next 12 hours, followed by a 3 hour dinner with clients, returning to the hotel room at midnight to continue working on the computer, was all part of the abuse that I chose for myself.
My body suffered. Physically I was plagued with insomnia and on days off I would often end up visiting the emergency room with sudden outbreaks of fever and pain. Emotionally I was depressed all the time and was constantly seeking stimulation to lift myself up.
All the money I made I voluntarily donated it back to the industry by shopping to keep up an image – for me that image was “help!” I wore long loose flowy clothes in black or white which I could disappear in, I did not want to be here. It was not funny and nothing fashionable at all, I had dark panda eyes just like the fashion models in the magazines, which are not trendy, but the way I and we as a society have sold out to this industry. My body felt desperately exhausted and therefore my whole demeanour was shouting exhaustion – my face looked tired, my posture was limp and had no vitality – and that is what the fashion industry has made as a trademark for ‘cool’.
The abuse continued when I became a freelance fashion stylist. I would be asked to find a large quantity of clothes in a very tight schedule, and often what I found would be unacceptable, not because it did not fit into the requirements of the job, but because the clients often changed their minds. So for one price that we charge, we were doing the work for 2 or 3 jobs and we would not say anything and bear it at our own expense, both physically and monetarily. There were many levels to get through in approval working as fashion stylist; usually there was the agency before the client and in each of these levels the abuse and control are an accepted part of the game, and something I chose to accept too.
I have discovered that there is nothing glamorous working this way, no fine wine or fluffy soufflé could ever soothe the raw and bleeding wounds I felt inside of me, and no double espresso tasted delicious, I just learned to “love” it because honestly, if I didn’t have it first thing in the morning and numerous shots after, my body probably would have just collapsed, so drinking coffee was a need and I convinced myself that it was a “fashionable” thing to do. No amount of shopping and adorning myself in brand names would ever fulfill the gaping hole I felt growing bigger within me, with each disregarding choice I made.
Until one day, when I said no to the abuse, and so for many years I had very few commercial styling jobs, but I began to work under my own terms.
Fast forward to now; I am still working deep amongst the intensity of this industry but I no longer choose to work as I did before. Neither do I want to escape from this industry, which I did for many years. Why? I simply began taking deep care of my body. The first thing that I did was to change my sleeping patterns by starting to go to sleep around 9pm, simply because I could not stay awake at night.
I had changed my lifestyle for that to naturally happen; I still worked in fashion but I also had a life outside of fashion. I cut gluten out of my diet because it made me feel heavy, and dairy because I found myself depending on cheese for comfort and the feeling of dependence has always been a disturbing feeling for me. Eventually I also cut out rice because it made me so drowsy that I could not work.
I further deepened this care by nourishing myself with fresh and healthy foods and drinking more water, and taking the care to make lunch for myself and to bring it to work. I don’t overtire myself, and I commit to having amazing relationships with everyone I work with by expressing to the best of my ability what my feelings are. Work has never been better.
On the odd occasion when big styling jobs drop me because of the way I choose to live and respect myself, I come back to the focus that no amount of recognition will ever compare to the lovely feeling I now have with my own body. I feel vital and joyful, even in the most intense jobs, from start to finish. There is connection with everyone and we all have an amazing time, and as a result the photographs reflect all of this. Clients and crew do not just remember how stunning the final product is, they remember how deeply met they have been and this feeling will always remain – longer than the fashion images will.
This is a way in which I am experimenting living every day with more understanding and deeper refinement. I choose to live and share this way because this industry is not just a name for me, this industry is all the friendships I have made over the last 20 years, it is everyone I have ever met and deeply care about. To me, this industry is a relationship.
By Adele Leung, Fashion Stylist, Photographer, Model and then some
Further Reading:
Self-Care at Work Makes Sense, Why Is It Not Common Practice?
My Relationship With Work: Choosing To Be All of Me
No Longer Living with the Expectations, Stress & ‘Doing’ of Working as a Hairdresser
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
The fashion industry is the perfect epitomy of this way of living completely from the way life looks. But it is by no means reserved for this part of life alone. Your words today remind me Adele that it truly does not matter at all, where we work, what relationship we are in, if we miss true Love in ourselves, nothing will ever be enough in this world.
So much to comment on this blog but today this line stood out – “Clients and crew do not just remember how stunning the final product is, they remember how deeply met they have been and this feeling will always remain – longer than the fashion images will.” – this is true business. Where the focus is not only on the end product, but also on the quality of energy it was created in.
Wow this is gorgeous and hugely important at the same time. Thank you for giving us an insight in the fashion industry and what appears to look good but is not actually from the inside. This is so hugely important as otherwise we keep that which is not healthy, not truly content and integre as something that is good/great and desireable. Thank you.
Trying to substitute true love for glamour and recognition is futile and will eventually take its toll on our bodies, it is only until we develop a relationship with ourselves and accept how beautiful we are within our own bodies that we know that true beauty our natural right for us all.
.’…for me that image was “help!” ‘ A glamorous world but how desperate are the ones in it. And how absolutely amazing it is that you have made such a turn around and are proving to everyone in and outside this industry that it is possible to say no to the abuse and stand tall by caring for yourself and emanating this out. How being yourself can be a celebration where ever we work. A complete opposite of the image before.
I love what you now offer the industry in way of both reflection of another way of being but also in connection through relationship. This is something that people are missing and desperately craving. I can imagine that it is indeed this feeling of being met that will stay with them far longer than any fashion images will… constantly reminding them of what is truly important.
This blog made me go back to the time before I went into University to study and it looked all so cool and well organised yet now I am in it is not as cool as it seems and not very organised at all. I found this with working in several jobs as well, organisation and care are often deeply lacking. This is not a judgement but how we all have accepted these institutions to be and this can be changed simply by living it ourselves as you did.
Gorgeous clothes and beautiful fashion can be so much fun. But there is nothing to come near the beauty that shines from a woman who has connected to her innermost. I’ve just been in a course today where I saw many beautiful women all day! The fashion industry by and large has lost the plot here, except for one or two shining lights in there such as yourself Adele. Keep shining!
It is interesting how we can make things more glamorous than they actually are, but our bodies always reflects the truth of every choice we have made and how we have lived.
How many of us have been sucked into changing our natural selves to align with something that simply isn’t us… one of the best things about knowing ourselves is the freedom of being able to BE ourselves.
All of us are customers at one point or another, and as the customer we don’t need to be right all the time, but we do need to be respected and considered. The customer is always right is a misnomer.
If I’m honest I have never had a grasp on this industry, it always seemed so false and superficial and for a privileged few. It has a lot to answer for with people with eating disorders and image problems. An industry that could promote somehow that we are all beautiful no matter how we looked on the outside would be far more beneficial to humanity. Oh there is one Universal Medicine.
how extraordinarily un-cool is the lifestyle that you describe and yet for so many people in so many ways similar they are aspiring to be something that they are not, when all that is needed to be done is to connect with what we truly are
There are times when people are uncomfortable with my choice to change how I live….I understand, I used to drink, smoke, etc….and there was a time when I couldn’t understand stopping these habits….however I have changed and every now and then someone will try in a relationship to say I might still invite you away for the weekend, or to this night out, etc if you still drank etc…”…no amount of recognition will ever compare to the lovely feeling I now have with my own body.” I do not get invited out as much, I do not seek friends who only want me on these terms, as you say the recognition can never ‘compare to the lovely feeling’ reconnected with our bodies is priceless, delicious and like coming home.
It’s amazing after spending a length of time in an industry and having so many experiences we can then experience what it is like when evolution is added to the mix, and that’s where it takes off a million times.
It’s interesting the things we perceive to be ‘glamorous’ in this world, yet are void of any true beauty because they are based on an abusive way of operating – the modelling industry is no different – with models being asked to do swimwear shoots (in the freezing temperatures of winter for hours on end).
Yes, Adele , we are in the constant anxiousness and tension of the abuse we accept in our lives. I used to overlook and accept that abuse, but now I know how to accept and bring Love and that in itself says no to any abuse.
For as long as we pander to the outer layer at great expense to the being that resides within it, we will accept abuse if it means we look good on the surface. We are love to the core, but if we look around us there is very little of the expression of this love in the world in which we live. This is because we allow all that is not love to bombard us, impose on us and shape us to move in a way that is not congruent with the love that we are. As such, where we have taken a wrong turn as a humanity is by living from the outside-in, as opposed to living from the inside-out. If we want more love ‘out there’ in the world, we simply need to express it out from the magnitude of it that lives in deep in our inner heart. Only when the ‘outside’ matches the ‘inside’ will true harmony be restored here on Earth. We are not designed to live within walls but to breathe the same breath as each other and as the great being of love – Thy Father – that breathed us forth.
To come to the realisation that the way we live and the clothes we choose to wear are the expression of this is a big step considering the amount of conditioning that comes with the bombardment of media of how we should be. It is great to read of a woman (Adele) living this truth in an industry that does little to support a deeper awareness of true beauty within.
What better way to start the new year than to consider, accept, appreciate and be inspired by the fact that our activity in life has an impact and ripple effect beyond our intellectual understanding.
What i love about this blog is the fact that you are still working in the fashion industry and not needing to conform to the ideals and expectations of how you ‘should’ be in working in this, or changed occupations because of the exhaustion working in the industry. What happened could have occurred in any type of industry and really any demanding work environment… simply bringing ‘you’ to your work and work environment is what has made all the difference! Have to love that!! Change starts within each and everyone first…before the environment or industry.
Adele I love the deep, deep understanding you bring to your relationship with yourself, the fashion industry and your friends within it. It’s beautiful to behold how none are separate. Your love within you shine out for all to be touched. This can be so for all of us, whatever industry we’re in. That because most aren’t connected and living from the love within them the industries reflect this abuse we live from (what is not love is not harmless). Choose love and each industry has the choice to move with love and to end what is not loving (which may mean the end of some industries). Love allows a deeper understanding of the true purpose of an industry and I’m discovering this is bringing me greater clarity and joy in purpose.
This article continues to inspire me as a testimony to the fact that as one person we can ‘move mountains’, changing the tide of ill in the fashion industry in this example. One person’s choices consistently rippling out to the world that there is another way… and that combat, competition, comparison and conflict are detriments to life and business.
Maybe if we move some mountains in Wales we can get some better weather here Matilda 😉
In so many industries there is a glamour or a picture of what we think the industry is like, but behind the scenes, behind the veil lies a world of truth that is often very different to the outside superficial picture. The fashion industry is only one of those industries and a very good one to begin cracking…But then there are also the multitudes of other industries such as the movie industry and acting, singers and performers, sports and sports icons, and then deviating away from the most obvious, there is also the glamour of doctors, and specialists and other health care professionals, the glamour that surrounds a so called wealthy family… etc etc. There are many facades to see through and many ideals to crack. Adele, thank you for sharing what really happens behind the scenes for this is the beginning of the exposure of the things that we choose to play games with rather than bringing the truth and our light to the industry to make it what it really could be.
This blog gives us an inside look to a world that is so glamourised it is actually very difficult to see what is really going on behind the scenes, and I mean what is really going on, not just what the reality tv shows tell us is happening. Adele has taken us behind even those scenes, to where the ever persistent damage is happening. And what a give to have so much insight.
It’s incredible how the behaviour that you describe at the beginning of your career is actually accepted as the norm for a whole industry. As you say, you didn’t just sign up for a job, you signed up for a lifestyle, until you managed to see through it and choose differently.
I too can relate to changing my perspective on the travel industry I worked in for many years when I began to build more awareness of how I was in that job and also observed how many clients were using travel to escape from the demands of their life for a short while.
‘To me, this industry is a relationship’. And it is no longer a relationship of need or of exploitation or of abuse. It is a relationship that starts with the nurturing and love of yourself and others – a true relationship that is in line with our future. If we make this the number one thing then we all flourish – all the people working in the industry and all the people who receive or buy the product.
“I took a lot of abuse from customers because I worked with a high fashion brand and we were told the customers are always right” – funny how we have this ingrained idea that a customer is always right, rather than coming from a space where we are all equal on all levels, and treat each other with respect, no matter our background and no matter our roles.
This blog reveals further the level of total disregard throughout the fashion industry. We should then consider carefully the quality of that which it produces, championed by so many and valued so highly.
‘To me, this industry is a relationship.’ The fashion industry should be about people – in particular the people wearing the clothes, rather than the clothes wearing the people. Your relationships in this industry are re-defining what it is truly about, from the inside of the industry – out.
it is not uncommon nowadays for an employee to be asked to ‘sell their soul’ in exchange for the monthly or weekly payment they receive. However, this does not have to be the case if we choose to learn to turn our lives around and begin to see that we can work in a way that is responsible both to our employee and to our own well being. We are then able to contribute so much more to the world as we open our hearts and embrace our lives and approach each day with a new outlook and realise that by giving ourselves fully to the day, work becomes fun and enjoyable.
This article is a point of such inspiration that we can, one step at a time, turn the tide on so many ill practices and frameworks we have come to accept as normal in society. Thank you, Adele.
For any budding fashion designer I would love them to read your blog, in fact Adele your blog should be read by every fashion student, your honest exposure of the industry could save them a lot of illusion and empty heart ache.
Adele you are an inspiring example of how we can be ourselves in whatever industry we choose to work as long as we bring ourselves in full to it – in other words, we build a relationship with our work industry.
True, Ariana, and it is amazing to read when Adeles life got back to simplicity, when the complications dropped away and when she truly appreciated herself her power started to unfold..
“Clients and crew do not just remember how stunning the final product is, they remember how deeply met they have been and this feeling will always remain – longer than the fashion images will” – beautiful Adele, and as they say it’s not the destination, but the journey that counts and with it fondly remembered and treasured.
The contrast between the two ways of being in the fashion industry is huge. One feels completely joyless and threatens that if you don’t play ball with the abuse you wont be able to belong. The other feels so warm and joyful, full of real relationships and freedom to have a life worth living.
Thank you for sharing this insight into the fashion industry. It is worse than I imagined! The constant feeling of stress, pressure and tension and feeling you have to say yes to abuse would have to take its toll. It’s amazing how when we are in something we don’t realise how awful it is until we step back from it. Wouldn’t it be great if we all took a moment to look our own industries, what they ask of us and what we are saying yes to.
How is it that we have clothing that restricts, constrains and alters our movement so we are less free to express, move and reflect our joy? Not only do we have such clothing, but an entire industry that celebrates it. You can see this in the shoes models are required to wear on the catwalk, to the outfits that limit true expression in the name of ‘artistic expression’ or ‘fashion’.
I notice that I’ve always looked up towards men and women who dress up extremely well. As if I was (still) under the glamorous belief that the way people are (expensively) dressed is telling something about their (or my own) self-worth. It doesn’t make sense, yet it is very common to be liked, not liked or even bullied just because the way we are dressed. How empty have our lives become that this is common, normal?
Thank you Adele, I can feel what you’re saying even though I’m not completely grasping it yet. It feels lovely to put clothes on me. What you’re offering here goes beyond this I can feel. I’d love to explore this further and let myself be guided to the choice to allow the fun you’re refering to.
I guess most people have an impression or an image about what the fashion industry is about and often glorify it, therefore it’s very important to have a true reflection of what is really going on.
I love your blogs Adele which so clearly expose the true nature of the fashion industry.
You have brought the magic ingredient to the fashion industry Adele (and thus to everything) which is ‘change’, and not only change, but ‘change through relationship’. Your relationship to yourself, to life, to others has changed and therein lies the transformation By bringing the principles of love, care, true relationship to your work your connection to truth has deepened, and it is this beauty that is truth, that you bring to the world of fashion which has so denigrated our true beauty.
Your description of how you were within the industry before you started to change is horrific. I’m sure many people must be stuck in the same cycle of behaviour, and I’m sure this is not unique to only one industry. It is so inspiring that you have found a way to turn this around and truly take care of yourself within it. What a difference.
If anyone thinks the fashion industry is all glitz and glamour, think again. Thank you, Adele, for exposing the truth of the fashion industry and how you are changing the face and inner workings of it with your own self-nurturing.
We have any industries that are made to look much more glamourous and enticing than reality, like the lives of celebrities that seem so perfect and polished. However whenever i have watch clips or adverts for these online reality tv shows that follow the lives of celebrities, it just seems so empty and fake, because there seems to be no depth and true connection in their lives for all the glitz and fame
Adele how exposing is “My body felt desperately exhausted and therefore my whole demeanour was shouting exhaustion – my face looked tired, my posture was limp and had no vitality – and that is what the fashion industry has made as a trademark for ‘cool’.” it shows me that what is cool, trendy, the picture we all live up to is actually not something that support the body and ourselves with a quality of life.
To give our power away to a job or an industry will always keep us away from our inner-heart.
Thanks for your behind the scenes look of an industry that is only skin deep and when peaking behind the curtain, is not delivering a supportive environment for any of its participants
It would be great to have people like you in all industry’s Adele, there is something amazing about what you do as a fashion stylist, you produce amazing results but from a completely different background of living, which is one of self love. This is totally inspiring for people of all industries as they all have their corruption and glamour but are lacking the every day quality that is brought from loving self lovingly.
You not only survived the fashion industry Adele, you are bringing a livingness to the fashion world that counters every false image.
So often we take for granted our work circumstances and industries without questioning them and literally ‘get on with the job’. I used to do this but have found that as I have started to self-care and self-nurture that some things that I used to put up with, I now see as a level of abuse and will no longer allow these behaviours. I would of never been able to see these patterns unless I worked on a more loving relationship with myself.
What kind of spell are we collectively under, when we see undernourished girls with panda eyes as beautiful or cool? A great expose, Adele, of a brutal industry and at the same time a huge inspiration to read how you turned your work around to be about bringing a loving quality to your day and all your relationships.
Great insight into the recesses of the fashion industry and the extent to which people let themselves be used up and spat out.
Re-reading this am I struck by the way we create what we think is a charismatic aggrandisement within these types of industries, the music, TV and theatrical industries feel very similar, all feeding the abuse, drama and disrespect that makes it seems glamorous and important. Cutting this insidious energy and bringing life back to basics, self respect, self care, connection and relationship brings a new sexiness and purpose to this wayward profession and thank God. Glamourizing such impoverished behaviour is clearly very last century, how you are choosing to engage, take responsibility and re-build your life within this industry Adele is the culture of the future.
“My Relationship with the Fashion Industry – Changed by the Way I Live”. How we live is so powerful – through our Livingness ‘we can move mountains’.
It is very beautiful Adele, to hear of how you now look after yourself, even in the midst of such an intense and abusive industry as the fashion world. I especially love how you have stated that commitment to your relationships at work is very important – these are people that you live with day in and day out, and it makes a great deal of sense that these relationships be loving – all these people are family as are all people!): ‘I commit to having amazing relationships with everyone I work with by expressing to the best of my ability what my feelings are.’ Doing this makes one’s work a magical place to be.
If what you show about the fashion industry is true Adele, what about education and medicine too? What would all these areas look like if we as people lived from how we felt inside? Imagine the texture and cut of the cloth picked to nurture and care for the skin. Consider the class where everyone was a crucial much needed part. What wonderful care would be there when you sat and consulted with a doctor who loved and nourished their body too? Wow Adele this style of world sounds amazing, if we start to live this way today I know we can show it off, and make it the latest fashion.
Adele – I love how you see the industry as a relationship. This is certainly foreign to me as I have only known it to be a fight for people who work in it. What I appreciate is that to make it about people first. This shows it is possible even in an industry where we think it is all about clothes . But bringing it back to the people brings a humbleness and real ness to it and takes away from any competition. Just beautiful. You are providing a healing to the whole industry.
What is so interesting to consider here is how often we say yes to imposing energies within an industry and how we are actually saying no to living in harmony with ourselves.
I guess that any of our professions or workplaces can own us as you have described, Adele. How powerful it is to say yes to “me” rather than to the profession or industry and then this flows all over the place which is pretty amazing. An inspirational sharing- thank you.
The fashion industry is what it is today in response to our choice to live with abuse, competition, comparison, individualism, a need for recognition and the denial of expressing who we truly are.
I really do love this blog for the fact that if you can change the way you are and how you work in an industry like the fashion industry we can do it in all industries.
“To me, this industry is a relationship” What a profound conclusion to arrive at after all the appalling abuse you have suffered within it. The Fashion Industry is entirely about relationship and your blog confirms just how disconnected has it become from its true purpose. What is so evident Adele is that you are going straight for the heart of the matter, quite literally, restoring that all-important ingredient that cannot be seen but is felt by us all, LOVE. Not our emotional exclusive version, I mean the ‘real McCoy’, the immensely inclusive, all loving wise intelligence that embraces people and soaks into the clothes, shoes, hats, sunglasses, jewellery that we adorn ourselves with right through to our bones. How awesome to have your presence within this fickle trade Adele, correcting its trajectory and restoring the core values that every industry should be relying on: respect, honesty, integrity, plus an immense and equal care of both the workers and the customers.
“I took a lot of abuse from customers because I worked with a high fashion brand and we were told the customers are always right, although many of them outright abused us by staying in the shop hours after closing just because they felt they could, and many stole from us as well, but we were not allowed to say no to them.”.
This deserves to be read, read again and to be read once more. Because this is wide-spread in our modern society. We’re accepting way to much and in doing so society’s standard how to relate to each other has become really poor. It is absolutely disrespectful and dishonouring to put any product (profit) before people. We live in a world full of people and yet – generally speaking – we treat each other far from respectful, let alone careful or equal. This is not okay and thank God for people like Adele to bring a very needed change to this industry. And, she’s talking on behalf of many industries, sad but true.
It is so easy to achieve the latest fashion look, to buy the right clothes and wear our hair in the right way, even to have the right kind of relationships that are all the fashion these days – but so very rarely are the people who work in the shops selling us these items and these images of cool perfection, standing there all day in high heels that hurt, unable to take a break, unable to rest or eat properly – ever considered as part of what we are buying in to. Because if they were, then maybe what is deemed as fashionable may not be so cool or desirable after all.
What I find inspiring is how through deepening the relationship you have with yourself, and therefore changing the relationship you have with the fashion industry, is that you have continued to stay working in this environment. For some, the polarity between the two worlds may have been enough to make the sea change to a different career, but in reality we live in a world that has many polar opposites and the greatest contribution to life one can make is to bring ‘you’ to this polarity, By bringing ‘you’ to everything you do, as you are doing, has enormous ripple effect on the industry and to people surrounding you. Awesome Adele.
Yes, johannebrown17, it is by staying in those careers where there are polarities, maintaining and bringing our essence to that occupation, we can all play a part in changing the world.
The fashion industry feels like a trap for those that are choosing to work in it – trying to obtain the unobtainable at a high personal cost of health and wellbeing.
And yet, as Adele has shared, we can deconstruct the trap from within the trap… this feels very powerful.
I find it astonishing that as part of your job role you can be expected to take abuse from customers and do nothing about it – there is never an excuse for rudeness between anyone.
There are so many commonly accepted ways in society that women adopt that are uncomfortable, unloving and conform to an ideal of what a woman is, if not objectify ourselves. This is in every pocket of our lives and not confined to the fashion industry. Thank you Adele for bringing more awareness to a woman’s body and what it means to honour and revere being a woman.
When we put ourselves first and take good care of ourselves, the abuse that we once allowed just drops away, and our live begins to transform.
If many celebrities and ‘glamourous people’ who seemingly have it all in terms of looks or wealth or fame, still have chaotic and messy private lives then for me this shows just how much people need to compromise themselves in order to function within these industries.
It was awesome to read your account of how the decision to take better care of oneself can really change one’s world, Adele – even in the vast and seemingly glamorous world of fashion, when you choose to support yourself in it first.
The fashion industry and celebrity culture go hand in hand; they both are glamorously portrayed, but the reality of what is really happening is far from it. The abuse that occurs behind the scenes goes undealt with as it occurs under this mask of bright lights.
Abuse is rampant across so many industries. It is not until we call it for what it is, which is abuse can we start to make a change. Whilst we accept it as normal then nothing will ever change.
It is awesome when we can make changes in ourselves that then transform age old patterns at work (or in our relationships, attitudes etc). Too often I have thrown everything out with the bathwater in reaction to abuse or unhappiness, only to realise later that a chosen career or partner was perfect for me but my approach and responsibility for how things played out needed re-configuring.
To be mastered by our profession so we are puppets of it, or to be masters of our profession so that we can be ourselves in all that we do. As you have so clearly shared, Adele, we are free in the latter to bring a refreshing outlook and quality to all our relationships (everyone we interact with) that can break some very damaging consciousnesses in many areas of work.
When we start to observe ourselves and the way we live, any ‘relationship’ can offer us the reflection that supports true and lasting change. It seems to me that as we start to observe ourselves more we become more aware of how the way we live impacts on the quality of our lives and through this we are enabled to make more self-loving choices. The relationship we have with work is one of those opportunities, just as our relationships with other people are too. They all reflect back our relationship with ourselves and this is what underpins our experiences in life. Through this self-awareness life takes on a very different perspective. It is one of responsibility as we recognise that whatever happens in our lives is in the first instance a reflection of the way we are with ourselves.
What really comes across in this blog is the level of abuse we are willing to put up with in order to get or be in a job we see ourselves in for what ever the reason. From what you have described Adele the abuse within the fashion industry is self-perpetuating because there is always another young girl or boy with aspirations to work in the fashion industry and is allured by the glamour. To go against all of that is huge.
Love your blogs Adele… and this one just gives such a clear picture of the difference between the constant striving to be something, for the acceptance into a shape that has been so warped over time… vs when you take back your choice to live it in a loving way and the turnaround in particular for the people that you work with.
The heading already is very revealing as it exposes how much our life is governed by the quality of our relationships.
What a blessing you are to those who then get to work with you Adele. That they meet someone who is not running on empty, fuelled by coffee, sugar and the rest, and who is so truly vital and embracing of all she gets to work with. Your story reflects the relationship we can have with any industry, when we make it about people first, and do not neglect ourselves in the process.
This is a brilliant share Adele. And amazing to hear that you have not backed off from the industry, but changed your relationship with it, as you have changed and deepened your relationship with yourself.
I cannot but feel that there was something deeper that occurred in prompting the changes you began bringing to your life – in your sleep rhythms, your diet, etc… The sense I get from your words is that you reconnected with ‘you’ – the essence of you, that is worth valuing and caring for beyond measure, and that, once reconnected to, actually inspires such change and our continual refining, growth and evolution through it. Would you describe the inner change that occurred for you along these lines?
I’m working in the industry of social benefits and finding work for people that live of the social benefit. The whole industry is based on the fact that we can control people. Just by giving them advice they will change their behaviour and find a job. Instead of feeling and so reading what is actually going on for people in their lifes? Do they need some time of the jobmarket to be able to come back to themselves? Are they withdrawn from life? Are they angry with the world and in being so, don’t want to take responsibility. Do they feel victim? etc.
What I’ve found is that it is the true and fiery understanding and allowance that makes the difference. We are to talk about energy in any industry. Because it’s the energy that makes the difference, not the behaviours or ‘tools’.
A very clear expose on how ‘privilege’ can afford to buy abuse. What is interesting is the fact that people willingly say yes to being abused when it is dressed up in glamour. It really isn’t any different to poverty driven abuse, it is all the same out play of people looking for relief outside of themselves. What ever our economic position in life is we will abuse or allow abuse based on our own true connection with ourselves. Money or poverty is two sides of the same coin.
Hi Adele I love the fact that you went from being changed by the fashion industry to the relationship changing by the way you live, in that when you honored what was true it showed what was not true about the industry.
It is amazing how we have pictures of how we think certain jobs/careers/industries are run and how it would be to be involved with them. Your blog is a great expose of these pictures in the fashion industry and I loved reading how changing how caring for yourself brought enormous change to how you work and how you feel about work. Inspiring for everyone.
Everything changes when we bring self care to ourselves first… then we bring that same level of loving care to all others we meet. How can our life and relationships not change when tender loving care is the focus of how we are in the world.
This proves that how we live, the way in which we choose to live, affects all our relationships – with friends, family, work colleagues, in fact everyone we meet.
The fashion industry – the most glamorous place to be and work, all the films and media that makes it out to be this amazing world of events and high fashion, money and champaign. And yet, the truth of the fashion industry as you have described from your experiences contains these things, but with a far more rotten core – and it is this that creates and is starting point of all the fashion that we as consumers buy and wear. In that jumper or that latest trend, is all the exhaustion, the self abusive hours and work load, the drugs/alcohol and partying etc, etc.
“To put it simply, when I said yes to this industry, I was saying yes to a rhythm that fed on the disregard of myself, so every day at work I compromised my body by feeling a tension, which I did not know how to unravel.” This is a key point in understanding why people choose to live in a very disregarding way which by all means would not be what we would choose naturally for ourselves. Yet if the industry we work in does applaud the abuse and disregard we just keep going and because everybody does it we think it is normal, even though we know deep inside it is not true. The whole energy of the industry basically says that to be successful you have to live in disregard. You have shown however that we always have that choice to take care of ourselves and work in the industry of our choice how we would like to in our hearts. This is a very powerful sharing. Thank you Adele.
Is all this disregard, that most all high paid jobs and industry’s feed off of us, just a reflections of our abuse we allow? The higher the reward, the higher the cost we are willing to sacrifice our self for?
Great questions Steve. I think that is absolutely what we have accepted as normal: that to have a well paid job you have to be willing to sacrifice yourself, go over your limits etc. otherwise you are not truly wanting to do the job so to speak. Yet what we do with this way of living is accepting that that is the only way and that perpetuates the reality of having to endure abuse for having that job that ‘everyone wants’ so to speak. So yes we are allowing abuse, because if we would say no altogether these industries would have to change soon.
Thank you, Adele…yet another industry exposed as being a far cry from the image it presents to the world. It is always incredibly sad to read about the things humans will do to their bodies to get fame and recognition, and then resort to as coping mechanisms which only perpetuates the self abuse.
‘when I said yes to this industry, I was saying yes to a rhythm that fed on the disregard of myself, so every day at work I compromised my body by feeling a tension, which I did not know how to unravel.’ – This is a great point, I too have worked in industries that fed on the disregard of myself, and back then, I did not even question it. That’s the thing… we do not question it because the society is reflecting back to us that disregard of ourselves is the norm and something we are encouraged to do. There is hardly anything out there that reflects the importance of self-care.
Adele you truly are incredible; you never cease to amaze me with your unwavering commitment to truth. You alone create ripples that are felt by many. Very inspiring, thank you.
The fashion industry and the way you were encouraged to work within it sounds intense and full on. The fact that the refinement and care you have invested into your life has brought you round to stating “I feel vital and joyful, even in the most intense jobs, from start to finish” and that you now have deeper connection to everyone you work with who all also have a more amazing time, shows you are onto something priceless here worth studying and learning from.
It’s fascinating how models looking withdrawn, thin, sad, checked out are seen as what is desired in fashion. How is this? What about seeing real woman who love themselves to the core modelling clothes…not so radical really, just natural. And how would this be for our young girls and women growing up to see healthy looking older women in fashion? We have all allowed the fashion industry to get to where it is by buying brands that portray women in a negative way, and buying magazines that promote them.
What a hooking industry the fashion world is, we can buy into it and place our own worth and identity in it to the point we find it impossible to extricate ourselves from the falsity and illusion. This is what you show here Adele, “I have been in this industry for over 20 years. I can still remember the first day walking into a high fashion boutique as a salesperson… and for the next few years I was completely owned by a force from which I could not extricate myself,”
‘just like everything in the fashion industry, what we see on the outside is far from the truth’ And this is currently the purpose of fashion itself; to perfect an image or ‘style’ that looks good, without addressing how someone lives or feels who’s wearing those items of clothing. What I’ve always noticed is that the most fashionable and attractive anyone ever looks, is when they walk confidently in themselves and you can see that they’re enjoying walking and wearing the clothes they are – it’s nothing to do with the clothes themselves.
Adele, I would love to see a documentary filmed of behind the scenes in the fashion industry, the truth behind the false veil.
This is the real wake up call, the “Emperor and his clothes scenario” whereby someone inside the industry exposes the abuse, lies and exploitation that is it founded on and by example is restoring trues values to this hugely influential realm. The beauty of this blog is that what is shared here can empower us to establish this immense level of self love, nurturing and regard into all our industries and begin to restore the truly humane factor in business again, putting quality first not in the material sense, but in people first and foremost.
Great blog Adele, it really demonstrates how being you in the world is a science, and it takes a daily and consistent dedication to not get swept up in the world around us, and that dedication to making different choices absolutely changes your whole life forever.
The detail with which you have expressed your relationship with your life in fashion is inspiring Adele. It matters not where we work, our life is one and our relationship with ourselves is what is reflected in every aspect of it.
The love for yourself and everybody else equally is felt in your sharing, Adele. your journey is a journey back to your inner heart and your wisdom bringing all this to your workplace. This is amazing.
How you are living is a deep inspiration to all of us all – your true lived quality within the fashion industry is needed offering all others the opportunity to equally see clear of the false and comfortable and reconnect to their truth.
This is a brilliant expose-a on high glamour and what really goes on behind the scenes…far from being glamorous its easy to see from your writing, Adele the level of abuse that really goes on. For those that are seeking recognition…(lets face it most of us are) we are prepared to suffer the consequences and put our bodies under severe strain, tension and ill health to “make it”. You show that it doesn’t have to be that way!
Every picture or video I saw of people preparing for fashion shows behind the scenes showed an extremely high level of tension as if that tension would have no influence on how the clothing would be shown on the catwalk.
I love what you share, Adele. So often we choose to escape rather than re-imprint our ways. What a light you shine for others to find their way.
Ariana agreed from my experience you could relate what Adele shares here to every industry. So the real question is why do we ignore what our bodies tell us?
The way you have made your life and work about the quality of relationships that you have – with yourself and all others is beautiful to hear. And there is a real sense of strength in how you are at work, not being crushed by ideals or beliefs but instead bringing a steadiness of love that supports you and all whom you’re in touch with.
Its interesting, how our relationship with everything changes after changing the way we live, that is, introducing self care and self love changes the relationship we have with ourself first then the way we see and interact with everything has that quality of love and care with it too.
“….when I said yes to this industry, I was saying yes to a rhythm that fed on the disregard of myself” – ‘that fed on the disregard of myself’, wow, Adele, an eyeopening fact and true of many if not all industries, jobs or professions i.e. in that disregard itself not being created by the industry itself etc., but it being a deliberate and focused compounder of it to demonstrate, in fashions case, the complete ugliness of such a ‘beauty industry’, and also in this what is self-inflicted (disregard) and hence self-chosen, blame on anything else is seemingly wiped clear. The fashion industry have a lot to answer for, though equally so do we too individually in our neediness that leaves us open to such penetrable and consuming forces…
What an incredibly inspiring life-changing story Adele which beautifully confirms the timeless wisdom held within this famous quote by Shakespeare ‘To thine own self be true’.
I love the way you have turned this around Adele. You haven’t left the industry – you have stayed, and you are completely different within it. It is an awesome demonstration of the fact that we can’t blame our surroundings for how we are. We are totally responsible for how we respond and how we live, and as you have shown we can shine instead of cower, and excel instead of struggle. Great blog.
“I took a lot of abuse from customers because I worked with a high fashion brand and we were told the customers are always right, although many of them outright abused us by staying in the shop hours after closing just because they felt they could, and many stole from us as well, but we were not allowed to say no to them.” What an extraordinary situation whereby you are basically instructed by your employers to let people get away with abuse, theft and complete arrogance. It is very telling of the very base level of integrity that is considered quite ‘right’ or ‘normal’ for the sake of a fashion brand name.
We will always suffer the consequence when we put the attainment of an image above living from our own body.
Stress, exhaustion and insomnia are all signs for us to see that we are not caring for ourselves enough and how we are living is not supportive. You can feel how things have changed Adele when YOU changed your life style. You are reflecting to the fashion industry how to live differently now.
I really like this part about how the fashion industry can make it seem cool to look exhausted and limp. How this justifies the self-abuse and dis-regard. And how this masks an industry that does not respect its workers.
No amount of glamour can ever fill the emptiness we feel inside as glamour is all about the outer appearances… it is when we lovingly connect within ourselves that we begin to fill ourselves in a way no outer influences can ever effect.
This is fabulous how you are showing another way of working and living within the fashion industry Adele – you must be so very inspiring for all those you meet.
This very much exposes glamour for what it is… full of pictures, ideals and beliefs, comparison and competition, disregard and abuse… the exact opposite of how life can be as you have so eloquently shared Adele.
Glamour exposed! There’s no worth in glamour, it’s all about the outer picture, fed from driveness to reach a goal, an ideal, a certain picture. And when it’s reached, there’s a new one and one more and so on and on and on. A rat race that we won’t win and which will never fullfill the emptiness inside. Slowly starting to love ourselves more changes us and from there the relationship with other people and life (including animals, nature and God). Which shows the enormous power love is. So wouldn’t it be wise to make sure that we got a one unified truth on:
1. what love is
2. that life is all about adding love to it and in choosing so naturally evolve
Quite the opposite of what glamour is and definitely what it pretends to be!
Adele, to hear you also share about the abuse that goes on behind the scenes of the fashion industry is so important, as there are so many glamorous images that abound that do not represent the truth nor the full picture indeed! So thank you again for being the one to open this up, to lift the curtain or the veil to see a glimpse of what actually happens behind the scenes.
Adele, this is amazing to hear how you have changed things around in your life! Truly amazing – especially as you have not run away from it all but instead have dedicated yourself to building your relationship with yourself and then from here bringing YOU and your reflection to the industry itself. “no amount of recognition will ever compare to the lovely feeling I now have with my own body” – this is testament to the fact!
How much the young are taken advantage of when they enter an industry, especially when it is an Industry that has a glamorous exterior image like fashion or the theatre or film and all the arts, where the young are attracted by the glamour and become literally willing slaves. For you to turn around this image of young people being fair game, and used and abused, Adele, benefits everyone, for those that continue to encourage the self abuse of their employees through their demands on them, are also abusing themselves, not only through the life style they themselves are living, but also by ignoring the truth they must know deep within themselves, that this behaviour is not acceptable or respectful, and that they do nothing to stop it. By claiming the Love you are and living it you reverse that insidious continuing behaviour that destroys and degrades everyone.
It was exhausting reading all the abusive ways you put yourself through Adele! It really highlights to me how many of us live with such a lack of self worth that we accept this kind of abuse without word because we are so invested in what we are doing, or in the ‘glamour’ of it. I love how you have exposed the manipulation for what it is and that it only exists because we allow it.
Everyone and everything we come into contact with, offers the potential to develop a caring relationship with. Adele, I love how you feel your work environment is also a relationship, to constantly be deepened and enjoyed from your fullness of every particle in your being. If we all lived this way, there would be little need of absenteeism from work.
“I choose to live and share this way because this industry is not just a name for me, this industry is all the friendships I have made over the last 20 years, it is everyone I have ever met and deeply care about. To me, this industry is a relationship”.
What an inspiration your story is Adele, showing us that our lives are what we choose them to be.
Thank you Adele – what a gorgeous reflection this provides to me. I have been around his industry for a few years and have a friend who is a stylist – but the level of honesty you go to about the abuse we can choose for ourselves is very grounding to hear. The truth is we can put work before ourselves and then we end up in a cycle of self abuse even though we might not realize it.
The way that we live, if we make it about love, be it with ourselves, others or the world at large can change the face of any industry from the inside out. I love the way you claim your relationship with the fashion industry and the fact that there is no need to run away from abuse, all you had to do was say a resounding NO to it.
I am sure people form many different industries can relate to the lifestyle you describe – one of constant stress, time pressure, exhustion, coffee and parties to fill in the gaps. This lifestyle is so tough on the body, and yet it is most peoples reality, often the feeling of being unable to change, perhaps even unwilling. And yet, as you have shown it is possible, in the face of backlash from a world that doesnt support making choices in line with what is true for you.
Agreed Vanessa, the fashion industry pays no dues or attention to where true beauty actually comes from, but then again why would it… there is nothing to sell a woman who knows who she is, exudes sassy, sexy, drop-dead out-of-this-world beauty that can’t be made up, dressed up or chiselled to be anything more than it already is.
Yes great point Sandra, whether seemingly small or huge disregard for the majesty we are within, it all impacts, we ‘get away’ with nothing. If nothing else that to me proves we are divine… if not, why would the body even register being made to go hungry, work long hours or wear painful shoes in the name of looking good.
A statement that is no doubt a first in the fashion industry… “no amount of recognition will ever compare to the lovely feeling I now have with my own body”.
Yes, it is is strange circularity – we don’t feel great, so we look outside for confirmation. That confirmation carries a high price of feeling bad or even worse, making us look for more confirmation and recognition. It takes a lot to be able to break that cycle.
You are the fashion Alchemist Adele – without a doubt. What you present, reflect and share with all who work with you, models, photographers, make-up people, set-builders, will never go out of fashion and will bring our glorious future to so many. Amazing work!
Wow what a turn around Adele, thank you for exposing the illusional glamour that holds the fashion industry. You being you in the world of fashion brings fresh inspiration to many who are trapped in their own illusion.
“I further deepened this care by nourishing myself with fresh and healthy foods and drinking more water, and taking the care to make lunch for myself and to bring it to work. I don’t overtire myself, and I commit to having amazing relationships with everyone I work with by expressing to the best of my ability what my feelings are.” It is this willingness to take a deeper level of care, where we can begin to make the real changes to our lives and to our true health. This is very inspiring Adele and a beautiful example of what is possible not only for ourselves but for all those around us when we are prepared to truly honour what we know and feel.
For someone who hasn’t worked within the fashion industry it does come across to be a glamorous and exciting career/area to work in, but what you’ve shared really exposes the extent of this falsity and the fact that it’s painted in this way by the media and the industry itself in order to hide the abuse that really goes on. But I love how you are inspiring within the industry that there is a different way to be with fashion and look after yourself, that is so needed.
‘I took a lot of abuse from customers because I worked with a high fashion brand and we were told the customers are always right, although many of them outright abused us by staying in the shop hours after closing just because they felt they could, and many stole from us as well, but we were not allowed to say no to them.’ I have just gone to comments to write about this extraordinary statement ‘the customer is always right’ and about the abuse dealt out to retail assistants, only to see that Stephen (above) has written exactly what I was going to say – i.e. that respect and loving care between customer and retail worker needs to be the quality of relationship here! My jaw literally dropped to hear that you were treated this way Adele. ‘High fashion brand’ and all the glamour seems to be accompanied by atrocious relationship. It can sometimes be the opposite way here in Australia, where the retail assistants who serve the customers are not helpful , keep the customer waiting, and act in a superior fashion – though mostly i have very good service wherever I go ad have fun with whoever is serving me.
Could it be there are three types of customer service? The first is mechanical not unpleasant but, Next type that eye contact is not required as part of the job. Then, we have like you, Adele and countless numbers have experienced: the forced smile, You will bend over backwards to please the customer. Then the one that always stands out, someone that connects with you. We can always connect to the first two rather accepting what they offer as the norm and put ripples in the pond.
When we stop and think about it the disregard we put ourselves in, in the name of work, is quite shocking…with seeking to prove ourselves for recognition, and to fit in, it’s like common sense goes out the window. Adele you have shown how simple it is to work in a high demanding industry and still take deep care of yourself and turn you life around…This is inspirational.
Self-love is at the heart of true change. When we choose self-love we reconnect to a source within that ends the ‘endless’ pursuit of love – sought ‘out there’ in a world where most at present are also seeking love. Many wise teachers have reflected this back to us over the ages and Serge Benhayon is doing just that here today – reflecting back to us the love we innately are so we can choose it too.
I agree, it is not about blaming the industry but knowing that it is the way we each choose to truly care for ourselves in our day to day living, that makes all the difference.
‘But just like everything in the fashion industry, what we see on the outside is far from the truth.’ – An important expose, and something that could be said about most areas in the world, even in our own lives – what we see/show on the outside is often far from the truth. We live in a society where it has become the norm to hide behind a facade.
I love when you say “no amount of recognition will ever compare to the lovely feeling I now have with my own body”. That is so key so you are not saying no to anything rather yes to the love that you are.
Adele, I can so relate to what you are sharing here, as a young woman I worked as a fashion photography assistant, we had trips abroad; stayed in plush hotels; ate out at the best restaurants, but it was late nights, lots of alcohol and I felt exhausted and did not enjoy these trips, actually I just wanted to go to bed early and have some time for me. I left the fashion side of the industry because I did not like what it was portraying to women and because the lifestyle did not suit how I naturally was. It is beautiful that you stand strong and firm in how you live and that you reflect that we can live lovingly no matter what industry we are working in.
“… when I said yes to this industry, I was saying yes to a rhythm that fed on the disregard of myself, …” How often and so common for so many give themselves over to a business, a way of living or ideal for recognition and belief it will bring fulfilment. I did when I became a kinesiology practitioner even with the greatest and best of intentions. However, it was selling my Soul and like you, Adele, fortunately managed to retrieve it before all was lost and in doing so found true Love.
“… when I said yes to this industry, I was saying yes to a rhythm that fed on the disregard of myself,” And this is the foundation of many industries Adele, a shocking indictment of our attitude towards humanity, that we are just a commodity to be used and abused in the name of success and profit. Awesome how you have re-instated love as the most important commodity in this bleak industry, starting with how you love your self and naturally expanding it into loving everyone you work with, showing the world that the real recipe for success lies in making business about people first and foremost.
You have exposed the meat grinder of what transpires in the fashion industry. One only needs to look at the front of house that we all see, the models on the catwalks! It is amazing that you are bringing light into a place that is all about what the outside looks like at the cost of what is within us!
In the race for recognition and reward, and in our bid for identification, it seems we can subject ourselves to all manner of abuses. What happened to body-and-soul-centric living? En masse we’ve lost the plot but people like Adele who make it about self-care and self-love first are reflecting another way.
It is crazy what lengths and extremes we go to for reward and recognition. I know for me I have often managed to get to a goal but then found and realised how much I had to let go to get to it – in some cases almost or pretty much destroying my life. Nothing is worth more then the love we feel within us – no one or nothing can bring us more than the depths we have within.
Sure Rosie, I would not be able to do that if I was asked to do. For me that means that we have to use a lot of effort to force ourselves to do that and the only way I would be able to do that is to completely disconnect from my body and live from my mind instead.
and that just shows how many people are prepared to live from their mind, in disregard of their body to get recognition from their boss, and the industry that they work in.
It is fascinating to read that the fashion industry, that is role modelling for lots of people, is so disregarding on many levels but that you did not turned your back to it but continued to work in it because of the relationships you have in it which deserve to receive the love that you bring in everything that you do.
If we see another as equal friends first we meet our next not because of his importance or unimportance jobwise but because we have a relationship to our next concsiously or unconcsiously for which we are responsible.
Adele thank you so much for sharing your experience with the fashion industry. I am often wondering how it comes that each kind of industry have their own rules and ideal and believes. Reading you honest blog helped me to understand a bit more of it. I love it very much how you chose to come back to yourself – I am sure your living way is an inspiration for others as well.
We use so many vices that we tell our self are “good’ for us, to distract us from the obvious fact that we feel empty and disillusioned from the choices we are making. Great you are exposing this in your blog Adele.
This blog proves we don’t need to change an entire industry to effect true change. We just need to change ourselves in it. And when enough of us do that, the industries that need to change, will.
Your story is very powerful in reflecting the path of disregard to one of care and connection. The beauty in this is the blessing for all touched by not only your presence but any job you are involved in. You are indeed needed in an industry where they promote the complete opposite of the truth – that beauty is found on the outside.
If we live in separation of who we are, we will always be looking for others to confirm us and accept us to fill up the void and in that self abuse and drive is just another way to get through life. Committing to live honouring and appreciating us in every moment is apart of the healing process we all can support ourselves with.
Awesome blog Adele, exposing the fashion industry for what it really is, to what it truly can be like when life is lived in accordance to one’s own internal harmony, as opposed to it being obliterated and controlled by an outside force [like fashion, an industry or any profession]. Your words: “On the odd occasion when big styling jobs drop me because of the way I choose to live and respect myself, I come back to the focus that no amount of recognition will ever compare to the lovely feeling I now have with my own body” – true fabulousness Adele, and totally inspiring.
What we bring to an industry when we choose true connection is unimaginable. It is all that it in truth ought to be, and more.
We create industries to disconnect from ourselves. What you bring is disconnection, so far away from what often is lived by the people in this industry, but bringing ourselves and the love that we are to our work is the most important.
Your blog shows that there are two faces of the fashion industry… the attractive and glossy one that faces the audience and the not so attractive, tortuous backstage one… The human body, being sandwiched between these two polar opposite forces has to eventually buckle-up and show this tension in some way. The self care you brought to your body has certainly made the difference to being able to withstand the realities of working in this industry.
Work is definitely a relationship and one we spend a lot of time in and when I feel you describe it this way, I feel the joy you live and how it’s about people and connection and not just the job, and that for sure outlasts any products. And this I love ‘no amount of recognition will ever compare to the lovely feeling I now have with my own body’ that is how we can live and work with true joy and vitality.
It just shows how currently the world is so distorted for us to be sold and to see pictures of gaunt women and men who look really miserable as attractive. There is absolutely nothing attractive or sexy about this, our marker must be really low for this to happen. Lets raise the bar on what true sexiness, vitality and health really is.
Yep agree Fiona, it is massive what Adele is doing and it is what it takes to make change.
The customer is always right is an interesting phrase, for me it provokes in some people a right to abuse others and play a power game. Perhaps what we need is a new customer service phrase, like, the customer and the company staff should forget about right and treat each other with respect and loving care and use compassion and care to resolve issues as they arise. I guess we are still a fair way off that being a normal form of interacting but there is no reason we should allow abuse to be our normal way of getting what we want.
Awesome, Leigh. It allows us to show others that we don’t have to play ball with that – we can work these jobs in these industries and bring a new level of self care and love to the roles.
Wow, tellin’ it like it is. If you can turn your life and career around after that, everyone has a chance. Taking time for yourself and care of your body may be the scary choice given the perceptions around changing things at work, but you show here that it is indeed possible to be self loving and successful.
The glamour of the fashion industry is exposed here and how we are all part of it in our own way Adele , this allows a true understanding of what goes on and the abuse in work ,business and with ourselves. With true self love and self care and valuing who we are from the inside out naturally would change everything as we build true appreciation and values as you share here Adele by your example so beautifully.
The raw honesty with which you describe the way you used to live is painful to read. The horrendous self-disregard is felt all the more keenly because the wrapping may be different (I was not working in the fashion industry) but the abuse was the same. It’s so inspiring to read how you have stayed working in the same intense environment but are saying no to the abuse.
I had a chuckle reading your by-line Adele “and then some”. We are all so much more than our jobs and roles in life and you clearly have learnt to treat and cherish yourself as way more. I can understand why your clients receive so much more than the clothes that you style for them as they get a beautiful reflection of who they truly are in essence and that is the then some!
Adele, I love the relationship you have re-developed with the fashion industry and the fact that it is all about people being met in full for who they are, not what they do. It feels now, as if it is a totally different work environment when you are there.
“Clients and crew do not just remember how stunning the final product is, they remember how deeply met they have been and this feeling will always remain – longer than the fashion images will”.
Why do we we have these different ‘measures’ of abuse and choose to tolerate what we consider ‘less’ damaging rather than saying no to abuse altogether?
What an incredible transformation Adele and what is super inspiring is that this all came about whilst you stayed in the fashion industry, from your commitment to choose to honor yourself and return self-love back into your life. For me what is highlighted through this is how the quality of our lives are lived through the choices we make on a daily basis to honor ourselves and our bodies. Through our choices we can either live an empowered life with honesty, vitality and presence, or exist in dis-empowerment which leaves us scrambling to simply get through the day regardless of how we treat our bodies and each other.
Adele you are representing that there is another way to work and with that comes a lot of JOY and contentment. It is not about running away and finding our dream job. As long as we are not taking care of our bodies we could be paid ten zillion pounds and be in the most ideal environment and it won’t make a jot of difference. Only deeply loving and responsible care of ourselves, in my experience, is the way to make true change.
So amazing! You describe the industry as somewhere that is so cut throat and disregarding of everyone involved, and I can see how easy it is to have people get caught up in the illusion of the glamour.
For you to make a choice to live for you first and on your terms is basically revolutionary Adele. What an absolute inspiriation you are to all those people you work with.
I agree Elizabeth, the beautiful thing is, we can all, by reflection take our loving way out into any industry we are working in and watch the changes from within, rather than waving banners (metaphorically speaking) in a campaigning rah rah way from the outside.