I have worked as a hairdresser for most of my life, a role I found to be always busy and in high demand, and one where I placed extreme expectations on myself. Not only did I do this in the workplace but also at home, even though at the time I believed that for me work and home were two separate things.
I found hairdressing a job that was run by the clock; a clock that made me feel like I never had enough time to get done what was needed, let alone time for myself to stop, eat or re-assess the day.
My experience of work was:
- Being the one everyone else relied on, the one that could do it all
- Placing huge amounts of pressure on myself to perform
- Often disliking my work due to pressures I had placed on myself
- Rarely able to achieve or fulfil what I thought was needed during the day
- Overwhelm (before my day even started, it often felt like one big spin)
- Unrealistic expectations, creating a stress-full environment for all concerned.
Over time, my body started to develop illness and disease, such as back and hip pain from being on my feet for long periods, shoulder problems from repetitive motions, not to mention digestive issues due to the lack of time I allowed myself to stop and eat. I was then diagnosed with fibromyalgia, an illness that rendered me unable to work. I was in constant pain, with aches in most of my joints and a body that was exhausted from even the simplest of chores.
Eventually I realised that I could no longer continue with the way I was working as a hairdresser or living in general, (or, should I say ‘existing’, at home and at work), watching my life disappear in front of my very own eyes.
I was told by the medical profession to adjust my lifestyle accordingly. I was sent to pain management clinics to learn how to manage the pain and symptoms, and started taking medications. I also started doing gentle stretches and walking to try and help reduce the inflammation and keep my joints mobile.
Although I could feel there had to be a way to make other choices that would give me a life and not an existence, at the same time I began to think there would never be a solution, or an end to what was slowly becoming worse.
Introduced to Serge Benhayon – Time to Get Serious about My Choices and My Commitment
Then one day an old client gave me the card of a practitioner by the name of Serge Benhayon: my first thought was, he must be just another hippy dude in Byron with spiritual jargon. However, my life was dismal; I was 28 and living in my mother’s garage… so I had nothing to lose.
Serge Benhayon certainly was not your average Joe, and he certainly was not full of hippy jargon; he wore shorts and a t-shirt and didn’t smell like he needed a shower or had fallen into a Patchouli bottle. He didn’t try to sell himself or anything else, he simply listened, observed and did some hands on esoteric healing. It was simple, but the most powerful thing I had ever experienced, and what I could feel was just about to change my entire life and wellbeing. This led to becoming aware of choices that I had made and I was now able to feel why it was that I had got to this point in the first place.
I was no longer seeking a solution, or looking for a band-aid that would best fit. It was time to get serious, to get to the nitty gritty of everything I had buried over the years that I did not want to feel or express, and let me tell you there was plenty.
I began packing food for work, having breaks when needed, going to the toilet when I needed to instead of ‘hanging out’, observing how I was standing while doing a client’s hair, having short walks before and after work, and taking the time to feel my body. I began feeling how I was before I started work and how I was when I finished; it was this quality that I took from home to work or from work to home, until being at work and being at home became the same quality.
At work I began to accept I didn’t have to know or do it all; that everyone had something to offer and when we all worked together everything that was needed would be achieved. Some of us were great with customers and others were great with marketing; both were equally needed in order to support the business depending on the skills we had to offer at that time. It was here that I began to ask for help, to admit when I did not know something and to accept that there may be days where not everything I wanted to do would be completed.
These were big steps for me; letting go of old patterns and behaviours and ways of doing things, breaking the mould so to speak, was work in itself. I began to stop having expectations of how my day should be and in doing so, found that not only did I feel less stressed and exhausted, more was actually achieved (without trying) and completed with clarity and an understanding of others and myself.
It is through making the commitment to love and care for myself, and allowing myself to feel the hurts of the past that I had buried, that have led me to live the life I have now; without the symptoms of fibromyalgia, doing more now in a day than ever without getting tired, fatigued or exhausted, and with a body that is now truly vital and alive, and with eyes that glow and skin that shines.
Now working as a hairdresser and living in a way that is open to what is needed, I am allowing myself to do what is needed when it is needed. I am naturally getting more done and am now able to support my colleagues and family in a way that I wasn’t able to before. I find my days at work are no longer draining or exhausting, but are fun and light.
Observing the way I was at work also allowed me to see how I was at home, and I began to ask myself “How could I be one way at home and another way at work?” It made no sense. I realised that making changes with the way I was at home and the quality of my self-care helped me with how I was at work, and vice versa.
As a result, the quality of my life at home and work have become one; I am more approachable, and no longer living my day in complete overwhelm, exhaustion and chaos. I can connect to people without rushing around doing 100 things at once, and am able to be with them and to have true connections instead of the shallow contacts I had in the past.
When I watch myself now, I observe myself doing what is needed, stopping when I feel like things are getting chaotic, feeling what is needed and then going forth from there. I’ve found I’m no longer trying to move forward from and in the chaos, but that I can choose to move forward from the stillness within myself – the stillness that I reconnected to by healing my hurts and letting go of the expectations I had of how I should live my life.
Having developed a quality and foundation of self-care which is always deepening, I now have a foundation for me that enables me to be me, no matter where I am or what I am doing.
Inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, for without their inspiration and ongoing support none of this would be possible.
By Nicole Serafin, Woman, Wife, Mother, Hairdresser, Tintenbar NSW
Further Reading:
Is there Such A Thing As A Job With No Stress?
High Stress, Poor Health: Can We Change The Way We Work?
Elegance And Purpose – At Work
Bringing The Quality of Love Into Cleaning
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
“I am allowing myself to do what is needed when it is needed” Just doing something when it is needed and not before it is needed is a great way to not get exhausted. I often find myself worrying about the future, so in other words I am already doing it but it is not needed yet and this creates a lot of tension and exhaustion.
What a great awareness to have, once you understand this you can then make new loving choices, ‘This led to becoming aware of choices that I had made and I was now able to feel why it was that I had got to this point in the first place.’
Self care is a movement and expression of love unto itself. What unfolds and develops from the movements to care for oneself offers us so much in terms of our behaviours, why we do things and how we can then move in a way that supports us and doesn’t put tension on our bodies. There is always more to learn and explore when we consistently choose more and more love.
For me letting go of my unattainable expectations of myself has removed so much potential stress from my life and then gradually introducing a deep level of self-care has supported me to work in a much more sustainable way that allows me to support others rather than imposing my overwhelm and underlying frustration on them.
‘I can choose to move forward from the stillness within myself’. Recognising that this is a choice has been crucial to transforming the way I am in life, both at work and at home, and allowed me to recover from my cyclical exhaustion and feelings of overwhelm. Recently I have been feeling a deeper level of stillness and how this supports me through my day and it is great to reflect on this and appreciate just how much my life has changed since first attending a presentation by Serge Benhayon.
‘It was here that I began to ask for help, to admit when I did not know something and to accept that there may be days where not everything I wanted to do would be completed.’ These are huge life changing things. I know asking for help, giving myself permission to not have to know it all, and being ok with not completing a to-do list have changed my life and the relationship I have with myself.
“Having developed a quality and foundation of self-care which is always deepening, I now have a foundation for me that enables me to be me, no matter where I am or what I am doing.” Self-care is so important. It should be taught in all schools and institutions that prepare young people for life. Without self-care we see burn-out amongst doctors, nurses, teachers etc. Yet so many still view self-care as being selfish – putting yourself first. But why wouldn’t we? How can we truly support others if we are not truly supporting ourselves? It would be like jumping into a quagmire and trying to rescue another (with the risks that may ensue), rather than throwing them a lifeline from the safety of the shore.
When we realise that overwhelm is a choice – we can choose to move differently. I know for myself that I am more than capable of the work and life that is ahead of me – it’s just a matter of embracing and not wasting a single moment.
Amazing turnaround from fibromyalgia to being painfree and working more than ever – in a supportive rhythm and with joy.
Understanding that self-care is a foundation for fulfilled lives should be taught at all schools and in all jobs… class 101 for life!
‘the quality of my life at home and work have become one’ This is great Nicole – we cannot live in parts…it doesn’t make sense.
Yes Jenny – Why live in parts when we are with ourselves the whole time? When we live in parts we are putting far more value on the external world at the expense of our inner world.
Awesome Nicole. What we sometimes don’t realise is that when have had stressful or hurtful experiences, we begin to carry them and it affects the way we walk, and move even around our homes , which means that we don’t live in true flow or harmony/healing. This is why we seek pleasure in other ways like stimulation, food and pursuits etc.
Awesome appreciation of your transformation Nicole. Embracing self-care and self-love can change our lives from exhaustion and discomfort to a natural vitality and joy in our lives. You have shown us how this can be done and how important, supportive and amazing it is to make these loving choices consistently.
It’s amazing how quickly self love and self care have an effect on our energy levels, vitality and commitment to life. I was initially pretty skeptical about the power of it- I felt like I was making self loving choices but they weren’t doing anything. But actually, I was really doing these from my head- making a few token changes here but not changing the energy that I was doing anything in – basically trying to make it look good on the surface. It’s only when we commit to self care because we actually want to take care of ourselves, because it feels good and we feel more of who we are, that it makes a difference and things start to shift.
How very beautiful Nicole; developing a quality and foundation for self care indicates a wonderful commitment and appreciation for yourself. I was inspired by what you have presented in this blog, thank you.
A great blog Nicole and something all hairdressers would benefit from reading as I know one, and the pressure in that job is pretty intense! Not only is there an expectation to look a certain way at work, there is pressure to maintain clients, sell products and keep up with the trends etc.. when did simple old hair cutting and self expression become so competitive?
‘Having developed a quality and foundation of self-care which is always deepening, I now have a foundation for me that enables me to be me, no matter where I am or what I am doing.’ A beautiful celebration of the power of self care.
I feel true commitment and dedication in your words Nicole. Super-inspiring and truly powerful.
It’s true – there’s a way we think we need to work, based on what we directly learn from others at work, our own observations and a whole bunch of expectations and ideals around how we think our work should be undertaken. Taking our power back at work rather than being a victim to it is a very empowering thing to do, as Nicole’s story illustrates.
Taking control of and responsibility for one area of our lives then naturally ripples out to all other areas.
We can do and give so much just by the quality of our presence in any given task.
We don’t know what is actually possible in life until we open up to the potential of there being more than our current ‘normal’.
This is a great reminder, Nicole. Sometimes it feels like there’s no way to make a change because of the circumstances and there’s no way out, but what we CAN change – the quality in and with which we live is what brings the greatest impact to our life.
Without that foundational level of self-care you write about Nicole it can be so easy to get swallowed up in a downward spiral when intensity hits. Having those building blocks in place gives a level of something to come back to when needed.
Self care = foundational building blocks of our self worth, and our relationship with ourselves and all others. Trying to bypass or find short cuts so as not do to the work of looking after ourselves just means that we don’t have that rock solid support and foundation of knowing and enjoying who we truly are, when we most need to feel it.
Nicole what you share is the foundation of change. It starts with the smallest of awareness that then opens up doors that have been closed for many lives.
We spend so much time at work that self-care is imperative, and yet for most of us as you say, even simple care such as going to the toilet when we need to is overridden. Self-care at work changes your life dramatically and it can be as simple as a daily honouring of the body.
Nicole having had IBS myself I found that I started to give up that life would be joyful or amazing but instead that I would be suffering and that was simply how it was. Being the determined type I never wanted to fully accept this so kept on seeking out a way to address / fix the pain I would feel each day. It sounds like although your hairdressing experience was different there is a common thread and when I met Serge Benhayon what came to transpire is not simply a quick fix but a way of living life that is truly supportive and one where as a result my condition faded away
At the time, all these points about stress in our working life feel like they are coming from outside of us. They feel like pressures being imposed on us that create the tension. But really each of the pressures listed, ie. being the one who can do it all, or having unrealistic expectations of yourself, all comes from inside of us. It is this aspect of our lives that we have the power to change, how we respond to the situation.
It is interesting how the word doing can often be mistaken for purpose. Although the two words are so different in meaning they can become the same when we bring drive into the equation. When we live from a purpose in all aspects of our life be it our working professions, doing the laundry or cleaning the floors when we know there is a purpose to it all, doing seems to fall to the waste side. I have found building a foundation that is based on purpose for each day has been a great support in helping me stay steady when dealing with the curve balls in life.
If how we do life exhausts us, we should consider changing it. It is worth it.
Awesome to read as I finally admit it’s time to get down to the nitty gritty and look straight in the eye what I’ve tried to bury all my life.
It is remarkable how many of us have foundations in place that are actually detrimental to us in light of the way we then move through life from them … and yet they remain unaddressed and unaltered. The power of introducing self-love to this and moving with this in mind, clearly has the potential to be incredibly transformational in all areas of our lives.
What a beautiful transformation Nicole; the changes and choices you have made, and the responsibility you have taken is very inspiring. I love what you have expressed here;
“Having developed a quality and foundation of self-care which is always deepening, I now have a foundation for me that enables me to be me, no matter where I am or what I am doing”.
Such an amazing support offered by Serge Benhayon to many people over many years, you could say before his time. It’s inspiring to see people like this turn not only their lives around but turn their illnesses around with relatively simple things like self care. This when you read it makes logical sense but yet it still has us suspicious or reacting. I wonder what would happen if we all followed in the footsteps of this blog? Responsibility like this is difficult for us to swallow and from where I stand this is where most of the critique comes from, us not wanting to see that level of responsibility let alone live it ourselves. We can hide all manner of things in this world because we have walked away from listening to how things feel and made life about a myriad of other things. When it all comes down to it, no matter what we are saying we each hold an individual which goes out to a group responsibility to live and move in a quality that supports us all. We look around and don’t see many leading this responsibility and so when there is a few it’s easy to rubbish them then to listen to what is being said. Serge Benhayon is consistently bringing us all to more of the responsibility we are naturally from, we can fight it or see the blessing each part of this brings. Those that see the blessing are able to move more freely in the world and slowly change how we all look at things. This isn’t a new way but an old way that we allowed to go to sleep. If we truly look through history we see this responsibility said many times over and so in that way have we really gone anyway or have we just changed the setting? Time to live the responsibility we are again or not it’s your choice. Equally in that choice we need to allow others to live how they feel as well.
There must be so many people who can relate to this sharing Nicole, and particularly I would think in the hairdressing industry. I love that share about asking for help, what a difference it can make when we accept we can’t do it all, and allow others to support us. And also to stop when you feel it gets chaotic, and just hit the reset button, I know that feeling and how much we can change in an instant when we give ourselves a breath.
I remember when I first started to work as a teacher how I would start my day already in overwhelm and I had a constant high level if anxiety. I can relate to feeling my job was run by the clock, since each lesson is an hour and in that time I was expected to deliver a set amount of the curriculum. I can look back and see that a lot of anxiety was due to the pressure I put myself under. I made simple changes like you Nicole that have made the world of difference. Self-care was the place I started.
Through simple changes we make throughout our day to bring self care into our routine we can begin to uncover what holds us back from being this way consistently. I have found the observation and letting go of perfection allows for such expansion in these moments it then flows into all areas of our lives for the better. I love using really simple tasks at work like giving a customer their change or sweeping the storefront and feeling every movement made supports me in how I tenderly care for myself and I then watch how this flows into other areas of my life too.
Who would have thought taking responsibility could be so super rewarding! This is definitely something sorely missed in our education especially because we now have a common perception that taking responsibility is actually a burden.
I love your description of Serge, it’s interesting however to realise that I had this respect for Serge even before I met him. I had heard quite a lot about him from my boyfriend and his mother, however I never assumed that he’d be the amazing person that I have in my life today.
During the weekend when I met him, I had so many doubts about him. I felt like I was being discerning and that I am smarter than everybody else who is just following blindly, however now I know just how wrong I was in that thinking because to be fair, everything he said during that weekend felt 100% true for me and until this day it still does.
It is true that work and home life are all one thing – or at least – I have found this to be true. The changes we make in our bodies support us in all environments – and this is a great sharing of how honouring the body is so key and supports massive changes.
Indeed Ray, these sessions makes us connect to that essence in us that naturally holds a loving care for oneself, for everybody we are with and for everybody we meet.
Our being makes no distinction in how to be if we are at home, with friends, doing our shopping’s, or being at work, it all matters and contributes to the quality of bing in all environments we live in as for our being it is one life, only our mind can live in this fragmented way of life which is not our natural state of being.
“I’ve found I’m no longer trying to move forward from and in the chaos, but that I can choose to move forward from the stillness within myself”
Moving forward in stillness sounds so supportive, expansive, gorgeous and self loving Nicole. Also letting go of expectations, need and ‘doing’, what a wonderful way to live.
The benefits of what Serge Benhayon presents are miraculous, so many people world wide are living healthier, vibrant and loving lives just by making self care choices.
“Having developed a quality and foundation of self-care which is always deepening, I now have a foundation for me that enables me to be me, no matter where I am or what I am doing.” Consistency is key and something of a work in progress for me. Great blog Nicole, thankyou.
It is interesting how we place ourselves in jobs that support a way of relating to the world that suits us even if we later complain about it. It is not by chance that we end up working in what we do.
Letting go of expectations of how life needs to be, allows us to create the space where we can express from a true and simple way of being.
Expectations hold us and others prisoners of our own making. The freedom found in letting go of these expectations can be immense, and yes, I agree ” we create the space where we can express from a true and simple way of being”.
Again it comes back to quality doesn’t it? It’s not how much we get done but the quality that we bring to whatever we do. This quality we can feel in our body and it can be a marker wherever we are or whatever we are doing.
The expression “watching my life disappear”, even if this is not conscious, is key to developing fibromyalgia
‘As a result, the quality of my life at home and work have become one’ Beautiful Nicole why would we change the way we are with people depending of where we are but we do, we protect ourselves of being hurt and see our home as a safe haven. The more I feel me and how much I actually love people the more I open up and let myself be, not in perfection but as a simple and true way to live.
What you share about building yourself so that the quality to take home is the quality you take to work is really simple to understand – that there is no magical demarcation where the choices we make at home to check out, over eat or generally not look after ourselves get left behind and we step into our place of work or office at home totally free of them – the choices we make where ever we are follow us into the next moment – and so its not about making one area, home life or work life or a hobby or friends the place where everything is perfect, its about an all round commitment not to perfection but to the best of our ability, one quality in all areas – still a long way to go but it makes so much sense why it is worth doing.
Excellent post! Good job! We all have heard the stories, even before we entered hairdressing, however it stands the test of time that issues needs to be addressed as stress and standing on our feet all day takes its toll on our body. Exercise and correct body position is very important in our line of work.
Please take good care of yourself.
Wow Nicole, your blog is so supportive for us all to read. Many people suffer similar ailments or even worse conditions of illness and disease from a number of things, pushing themselves, over working and under a lot of stress due to expectations, unrealistic goals and not taking acre of themselves. Your choice to change this, work and live in a way that supports your body and to build a deeper connection with your self is deeply inspiring. You are showing us that there is another way and we can let go of all expectations and stress, and be equally successful at work and at home by embracing true connection with ourselves first.
I love the approach you took Nicole – of not just seeking a surface solution but being willing to look deeper and underneath what was going on for you at work in order to truly heal and grow on all levels.
Focusing on living our qualities, and in a quality that is supportive, nurturing and loving is where it is at. As you have so beautifully shared with us Nicole. I love that you were able to truly change the way you worked and how you live with yourself, impacting all of those around you in the most loving and positive way.
When we create more space for us and take responsibility for our lives and choose self-care and self-love we naturally know how to communicate with our bodies and the nurturing we need to support true expression.
We can seriously exhaust ourselves by putting expectations on how we think we should be or our day should go; being attached to a picture or ideal squashes us into conforming to something that may not actually be true or harmonious. Bringing it back to what I feel from my body has helped me enormously too.
The relationship I have with time is unhealthy. It’s not at the obvious point you had Nicole but I can still feel the pressure on my body. What is it? It’s possible that I hold time out from everything else, like it’s the controller of my movements. As you are saying and your ‘way back’ was to take care of the way you move and move how you felt. You didn’t keep watching the clock and try and refine the process. Where to from here? Keep moving how I feel and not watching the clock and then moving from there. My relationship is more than time management and this is a continual process, thank you Nicole.
I can relate to so much that you share Nicole and for me the pressure and expectations are also in relationships. I certainly lived “Being the one everyone else relied on, the one that could do it all.” and with this came a focus on others and not on myself. I’m finding that Esoteric Yoga, as offered through Esoteric Women’s Health, has really supported me to live for me, to focus on myself and leave everyone to be responsible for their lives. I’m still a work in progress but each Esoteric Yoga program helps me to deepen living this way and accept myself exactly as I am.
Esoteric yoga has massively supported me to also live and love me for me, and let everyone else be responsible for their own choices, and me for mine. It’s also helped me to accept myself as I am now- and to stop working and striving to achieve a perfect version of myself. Nowhere to get to, nothing to fix, just an acceptance of all that I already am, right now.
‘At work I began to accept I didn’t have to know or do it all; that everyone had something to offer and when we all worked together everything that was needed would be achieved.’ We all have different strengths and weaknesses and when we combine them all they are truly complementary and collectively very powerful indeed.
Perfectionism can be a poison, it eats away at what is natural and flowing and replaces with it with expectations, ideals and beliefs that always keep us wanting. Life is not perfect, human beings are not perfect, when we drop our imposed pictures of perfection life becomes once again free.
Perfectionism feels like a heaviness, almost claustrophobic. In the body it feels like a hardness as we push ourselves towards an unrealistic bar that we’ve set way above ourselves. There’s a harshness to perfectionism, a seriousness that squashes all elements of light and playfulness. When we let it go and just allow ourselves to be as we naturally are, to make mistakes and be okay with that, there’s no stress, no drive: just a flow and an allowing of ourselves to be human.
To this day I can’t stand the smell of Patchouli, it reminds me of everything spiritual and not in a good way.
Hairdressers have a window to the world, seeing many people every day in such an intimate setting, and also wearing the burden of expectation of their clients. Having a sense of self within the day assists all of us to bring who we are to our jobs and not be swayed by the pressure of the role.
Perfectionism has had a hold on me as well, trying to do it all, be it all, and to achieve whilst putting great pressure on myself. There were so many expectations because I had no real relationship with myself, so my ability to love or appreciate myself was nil, hence the desperate need to prove myself in work – which always felt hollow and empty no matter what I achieved, which led to more cycles of driving myself and achieving. Now, thanks to Universal Medicine, my focus is more on the quality I am connected to in myself, honouring and loving the woman I am, and caring for my body. Work still gets done but I don’t need it to prove myself, I’m already enough.
What strikes me Nicole is the simplicity of the changes that you made and how profound these were and are on your health and wellbeing. It also speaks volumes on the level of responsibility we have to self-care and self-nurture and how we treat ourselves not only for ourselves but also because of the subsequent effect this has on our interactions with others.
It is not just the amount of work we can achieve when first coming from a connection within but also the quality of that which we leave behind us. This quality when we have worked from our inner most has the potential to heal many others. We are so much more powerful than we realise.
It is amazing the impact of what self-care and taking responsibility of one’s choices can have in our lives, it creates more space for us to express more of who we truly are without any trying but the surrendering to what’s needed in our lives.
It is amazing the effect true self-care has. I had no idea what true self-care was, felt, or looked like until Serge Benhayon presented it so clearly. More than simply taking a bath or ‘treating ourselves, self-care is a quality, that is in everything we do, and an ever unfolding nurturing that enriches us no-end.
Getting into the ‘doing’ is something that I am very familiar with, it is how I have lived life, as so many of us do. I has taken me a long long time to begin to feel what it is like to not be identified in the ‘doing’, but to walk through life connected to me first. Feeling who I am first, then make my movements from that into what I am doing. We still have to function and do things, of course, but I am feeling more into how I move, the quality of how I move. This is an unfolding process of building awareness in how this works, a few steps forward, then it feels like many steps back. But i continue to build my awareness, connect to me and move from there.
Thank you for sharing your experience Nicole. I can relate to a lot of what you have shared. Being aware of the simple things like observing how I’m standing when at work has made a big difference to how I feel at the end of the day. I have even bought myself new comfy shoes and support tights for my legs. Going to the gym regularly to strengthen my core has helped with a bad back. It is the accumulation of these small things that amount to taking greater care of myself and knowing that I matter which has made a huge difference.
There is so much identity we can get from being stressed-out and busy, from not having enough time, from being the one who is in high demand, from working so hard your body literally falls apart. I absolutely know this inside and out. And since falling apart, I have come to learn how the identity gained from this way of living actually does not satisfy anything, is very short lived, and leaves me feeling actually quite worthless. Whereas the simple acts of self-love included in each day that don’t give me an identity as such, but let me know who I am all the same, are not only completely confirming and supportive but also seem to lead me towards a higher level of productivity. So without even trying, suddenly I am in high demand, my work is valued, and I achieve great things at work. Funny how this has all turned around.
“watching my life disappear in front of my very own eyes.” this has to be one of the scariest things I can think of! When we get into patterns of living that are stressful, demanding, running to the clock.. nothing is ever fulfilled. Establishing space for ourselves, and values in which we live helps us to live more true and reduces a lot of stress!! You have said it so clearly, life is not about existing, it is about Living!
Recently I have come to see how stress at work is something I had just expected to be. It was normal and natural and I knew myself amongst it. But maybe this is not the real me at work, maybe this is a shield of protection I have designed to not bring the real me, the whole me out in to the world.
There is so much I can see in myself that is written in the thins blog. Becoming the ‘to do’ list, making everything else more important than looking after myself, constantly being in a state of mild stress. And what is the quality that emanates from such a life? What is the point of an existence like this? Yet put your quality at the epicentre… and then do the same things, and then we share our essence in everything we do. So simple, yet so profound.
What comes through in this blog is the importance of the quality of how we live – it is so important that we are aware of how huge quality is, and how it can absolutely change the very way in which we live each day. Universal Medicine has been the first to present to me what true quality is and what it means.
There have been junctions in my life where I know I am off track, working with Universal Medicine I feel like I have filled, and am still filling, my tool kit with resources and skills to get back on track.
“. . . I began to accept I didn’t have to know or do it all; that everyone had something to offer and when we all worked together everything that was needed would be achieved”. Nicole, isn’t it such a relief when we take this pressure off ourselves to be someone and realise that we are a team – it brings such harmony in the workplace when we open up to working together.
Nicole, great to read of the shift in your attitude to work – it shows how so often we don’t need to change the outside situation if we change the way we relate to it. So many of us are “run by the clock” which squeezes us into a time frame of our own making. By stepping out of time we allow more space and life flows more easily.
“At work I began to accept I didn’t have to know or do it all; that everyone had something to offer and when we all worked together everything that was needed would be achieved.” I love this sharing Nicole – this way to work should be our normal way because with that we would work much more efficient and I am sure the illness rate will also be falling.
Thank you for sharing your story of your life and the transformation back to a vital and healthy life Nicole. The slight changes that you made seems incredibly simple and gently, but profound in the healing that you allowed to take place. To reconnect to you and operate from that awareness. Listening to the body, will bring you to your truth.
Thank you Nicole, it is amazing that when we bring self care to any job we become more efficient, more energised, more loving and connected with others – it really is a win win for all.
This is another glorious modern day miracle and a very inspiring read, I have been finding lately that hard physical work is really tiring me out, so a closer more honest approach is needed to get to the bottom of why I’m drained at the end of the day.
There is huge wisdom in this blog about how to really claim a life of overwhelm back by addressing our relationship with ourselves first and paying true attention to that, to our quality and to our purpose. From there it can be a leap of faith to be less time-bound around a forever lengthening to do list. But in my experience and experiments, when I make space and feel what needs to be done next, do it with full attention and focus and then feel the next thing to do, the overwhelm disappears, I enjoy the doing and the list gets done to a level that’s really needed rather than to an unrealistic expectation I have set myself in order to reduce the burden. Going with how I feel means I enjoy each moment rather than living for the moment the to-do list is complete – which of course it never is…
A gorgeous sharing Nicole and a true testament to you and the choices you have made. I have seen you change quite dramatically over the years and this has been inspiring. As I read your blog it made me think about when we go into a hairdressers people often expect them to be ‘on’ and to deliver a certain thing that they have in their mind, even when they sometimes don’t express this clearly or when it is unrealistic. This would also place a lot of pressure on the hairdresser and they would need to be super steady within themselves to learn to not take this on.
This sharing Nicole is very powerful and shows us that we, ourselves, hold the key to true health and wellbeing both privately and professionally. Thank you.
Another living miracle of what can happen when we choose self-care, self-love and self-responsibility. It is incredible what effect this can have on your life, in all aspects.
The perception that work and home are two separate things has felt in the past like an excuse to get away with certain actions that no one would see if at home and the face we put on for the world. But this isn’t the case as I have and continue to learn and as you’ve shared here Nicole. Our work quality affects our home quality and vice versa, there is no sit down time when it comes to how we are with ourselves.
As I ask for help with the jobs in the home it feels so different and enjoyable. My children are getting older and it is surprising what they can do. My attitude in the past has been to get on with it as I thought it would be much quicker but I am realising it is not about doing as much as I can during the day but the quality I am doing it in. It is work in progress changing this deep rooted behaviour but as I do, it brings about a deeper connection with others and a harmony within the home which was lacking when I felt the need to do every thing my way.
Complete exhaustion is not an unknown state for myself and perhaps many thousands of people who could be reading this blog. How it manifests may be different for everyone, but that underlying lack of self-care and a lack of beautiful self-love can always be found as a common theme. This shows us all the way back to feeling full and vital again, in the simple practical ways of a loving relationship with yourself.
It is so great to read that one of the worlds biggest killers “stress” is now becoming a marker for how people are choosing to change the way they live.
Nicole, this is so beautiful.. What a healing to read and see, knowingly personally, I understand how big a change you have made.. something that you were unable to think even before.. I must say Thank you Serge Benhayon and all who have supported you and many many others.. And continue to do so.
Nicole, the changes you describe in your health and wellbeing are nothing short of a miracle. This is the sort of stuff that needs to be published in medical journals. Illness and disease are out of control and we have to start observing the lives of people like yourself who have reversed your medical condition and are now living a very vital life. Conventional medicine has to drop its arrogance and work with complementary medicine to seek true answers to the problems before us. People like yourself are showing us that it can be done and as Serge Benhayon has presented it starts by learning to connect with our essence and from there establish a true foundation based on self-care, self-love, self-nurturing, and love.
I agree Nicole, the greatest gift to give yourself is establishing a foundation of self care. Being in regard and aware of ourselves are simple measures that are a big deal in preventative health care.
If we look at the world, our greatest gift is love. And to achieve this, so to speak, we have to begin to heal the disregard we have once created.. By so far our world is full of indulgences, disregard, disharmony, illness and disease, wars, corruption and lack of intimacy. So our answer would be – love and self-care. But how to achieve this is quiet profound, even though there is not much to achieve, but only being re-connected to. I have found that this key of love is within the every single human heart, and that by allowing ourselves to feel this – our healing begins. But how do you feel that love within ones heart? Well this is a journey worth taking, something that Serge Benhayon has supported many people with – to reconnect to the truth, love, harmony, joy, and stillness within ones body. Which can be achieved by conscious presence, for example the Gentle Breath Meditation. It is worth considering what we need in order to heal the mass destruction we have all created.
Creating a foundation of self-care is deeply supportive and sometimes a challenge to develop if you have been in disregard for most of your life. It is about starting, bringing awareness, as you describe to ‘how’ you are living. Then little bit by little bit, changing the way you live by making other choices.
I love hearing about you life Nicole, you have a way of sharing that many of us can relate to. What strikes me about your blog is that you are saying when we take more responsibility for our own health and well being we begin to bring in true change and healing.
Yes Samantha, as this shows us that medicine is besides the physical about energetic responsibility. Something we can so choose, and live by. And so.. it is about Universal – Medicine.
“I’ve found I’m no longer trying to move forward from and in the chaos” Nicole having the space to stop and reflect instead of moving forward trying to fix the chaos as you go is revolutionary.
Good point Brendan, it operates like a sliding scale… Introduce self care (connection/awareness) of ourself, then a more balanced equilibrium between quality/presence and ‘doing’ ensues.
It is so interesting to see how we can get exhausted even before we get to work. When I know I have a busy week ahead or know I won’t have a lot of breaks what truly exhausts me is my reaction to it before hands and actually not the day of work itself, which often changes and is more spacious than expected! I freak out because I think I won’t have time for me but when I am present with myself and am willing to see and feel all that is going on, then I can be always be with me without that great need for time with me.
I can relate to what you have said here Lieke. When I know I have a busy day or week ahead, particularly at work, I can feel tension and exhaustion in my body before I even start. This is due to the reaction, ie the stress, I am already feeling about how I will manage to get everything done within the given timeframe. Yet I know the day ahead is full of many variables and often space is created in unexpected ways. This shows me the damage created by holding images of how I believe I ‘should’ be and the amount of work I ‘should’ get through in a given timeframe and it also shows the need for steadily building my conscious presence.
I love hearing your feelings on this Helen. I find that often too: “space is created in unexpected ways”, the week is never as bad as I imagined it to be and as you say that is the damage that holding a pictures does, the tension that I have before the moment is there does harm my body more than the moment itself! If we would just live moment by moment that stress would not have to be there. Which I am building too.
Absolutely Brendan – blogs like this are invaluable as they help us deconstruct the deeply ingrained patterns and behaviours that are so insidiously affecting us.
Thank you for an inspiring sharing Nicole, “but that I can choose to move forward from the stillness within myself – the stillness that I reconnected to by healing my hurts and letting go of the expectations I had of how I should live my life.” coming back to the love we truly are and living life from our self love and care.
What a simple maths diagram this would be. A really obvious and sure fire way of showing us very clearly the impact of doing versus the impact of being essentially. In truth when I chose me and stay with this gentle and loving quality I am actually very efficient and proficient. But there’s most certainly a difference in the quality between this way and charging through my to do list.
”The quality of my life at home and work have become one” Nicole a really important sharing that you make here. I grew up understanding the fact that work and home life are separate, so many in society today also put great efforts into doing this. Yet I can feel in what you share and in my experiences that viewing life as separate chunks is like pushing a car uphill. It simply does not work. Even with this I can appreciate that it can still be easy to think that co-workers an have spate home and work lives, when in fact the quality and care we take does not work like this.
Hi Nicole, Your blog clearly shows it is possible to change how we live and being more loving and caring of our own wellbeing can literally transform that wellbeing and our life from an existence to a true living. It was for me a clear reminder to stay with the stillness and not enter the chaos when It is present!
I’ve often wondered how hairdressers do it… How are they bright and chipper with every client, how do they stand up all day long, how do they listen and talk all day long! The insights you offer here show a way of caring for yourself along with all the demands that go along with that job, and many others.
A life lived without a deep commitment to self-love and care, to me now feels barren, and cold with no heart in it. Without a deep connection to our bodies and the love in our hearts, we are pulled from the outside to one thing after another like a puppet on strings; in this empty way of existing we find no true joy, only moments of relief.
Excellent blog Nicole, when I allow myself to go into overwhelm, rush and stress with my work its actually very inefficient, I get drained and tired and don’t get much done, plus it feels horrible in my body. When I allow myself to stop, deeply surrender and let go; take tender care of my self and my body, then approach my work, the results are amazing not only do I achieve more and better quality results, I feel lovely and relaxed and connected in my body without the anxiety and stress.
“I began to stop having expectations of how my day should be and in doing so, found that not only did I feel less stressed and exhausted, more was actually achieved (without trying) and completed with clarity and an understanding of others and myself.” This is of key importance Nicole, when we place expectations and or pictures of how our day and lives should be or look like, it places great amounts of pressure and stress on our bodies which over time then develop illness and disease. Rather than deeply caring and connecting to our bodies and hearts and being impulsed from them as what to do next, which feels much more harmonious.
“I began feeling how I was before I started work and how I was when I finished; it was this quality that I took from home to work or from work to home, until being at work and being at home became the same quality.” I love this Nicole, as we often change the quality and our attitude between when we are at work or at home, rather than seeing it as one and the same, a continuum that we can bring our love and care to ourselves in.
Trusting and letting the day flow allows us to be human beings before being human doings, the focus and priority being on our rhythm and ourselves first, before considering the job to be done.
I agree Brendan. It’s awesome to get real about life and how we’re living and experiencing it in all aspects. Through this kind of introspection we can get to know what truly serves us – and by extension, others – and what does not. A loving stocktake, if you will.
I became a chef and chased recognition, which lead me completely off-track and to health consequences that are still part of my life today. My expression with food is however true and today I still cook professionally from time to time. I do it though in a completely different way. I now cook with the love and care I can feel I am there to bring to others, and I don’t leave myself out of the equation.
It’s great Nicole that you found, once you had re-examined your situation, that your impulse to cut hair was in fact a true expression for you, and that you could return to your trade in a new and loving way. Of course, it would have been equally OK to step aside from hairdressing if you had discovered you had been drawn to the trade for other reasons. It’s good to allow ourselves that kind of latitude – and honesty.
It’s interesting to ponder what might set us up to get to the place of overwhelm and stress. On some level it must be because we think we have to be a certain way to achieve certain outcomes for… what? Recognition? Acceptance or acknowledgement or some sort of accolade? It’s worth getting to the heart of the matter so the drivers for such behaviours are understood and dismantled.
‘As a result, the quality of my life at home and work have become one; I am more approachable, and no longer living my day in complete overwhelm, exhaustion and chaos. I can connect to people without rushing around doing 100 things at once, and am able to be with them and to have true connections instead of the shallow contacts I had in the past.’
Nicole what you describe here in terms of the way it was for you is a classic marker of stress. When we are overwhelmed and barely coping there is no time for anyone or anything thing other than barely keeping our heads above water. Life becomes very one-dimensional, with no quality of connection – or within ourselves and as a result, in what we do. How wonderful to change that. I’ve been there too!
It’s great how you describe how it was for you and now the difference in your life from making true change in how you approach and do tasks Nicole. I too am learning to trust I have the capacity to do everything without nervous energy after many years being the constant doer running on nervous energy. I am learning that my stillness can get me through and starting to surrender and trust in that process and giving myself lots of doses of self appreciation along the way.
Very true Gill. When we get out of the way, so do all the complications and stress that we create, thinking we know what is best. Learning to let go and surrender reminds us that if we do get out of the way, there is much more that is possible.
Love this sharing Nicole “with a body that is now truly vital and alive and with eyes that glow and a skin that shines”. What a beautiful open invitation to bring about more self-loving, self-nurturing choices into our everyday livingness. You are an inspiration.
Indeed a most crippling and debilitating existence life becomes when the strive for perfection is priority 1, I can relate completely.
I agree Brendan – so long as the essay was handed in, the teacher never cared if it had taken me several nights of sleepless working. This is a real problem, because in the end we constantly chase what we can do rather than who we are.
Who knows what our full potential is? As I uncover more of myself through living in a more self-loving and nurturing way it’s beautiful to see the real self being revealed bit by bit.
Building a foundation of self care is like having buoyancy on a life raft in rough seas. It supports you to stay afloat rather than sinking in the mayhem of what’s going on around you. Self care is fundamental to our way of fairing through life.
‘Observing the way I was at work also allowed me to see how I was at home, and I began to ask myself “How could I be one way at home and another way at work?” It made no sense. I realised that making changes with the way I was at home and the quality of my self-care helped me with how I was at work, and vice versa.’ – great point Nicole.
Overwhelm, exhaustion and chaos played a large part in how I used to feel at work and at home – looking back it was actually a theme playing out through every area of my life. it was only after meeting Serge Benhayon and attending Universal Medicine events that I began to make choices that were much more self caring, allowing a rhythm to my life that meant the overwhelm, exhaustion and chaos became strangers.
‘it was this quality that I took from home to work or from work to home, until being at work and being at home became the same quality. I love this Nicole. There is no separation and to live this way is simply beautiful.
Yes Kylie, consistency is the key as no matter how small it is, it is what we do to support ourselves once we do it, it creates a flow in life where it all easily constellates.
We have made it wrong to put ourselves first in this world – and maybe if we see this as ‘looking after number one’, with no appreciation that we are all connected – than doing so is not healthy. But there is a very real and very true need for us to be self-loving and self-caring so that what we take out into the world is more full of the innate vitality and livingness that we can be when we live harmoniously with the ‘guidance’ of our bodies. True self-love is not selfish, but absolutely responsible.
I work in the Social Care sector in the Uk and it is a vocation where staff all too often are amazing when they are caring for another, but really do not look after themselves. So many give everything for the service-users they support but leave work completely drained with the ‘fuel tanks on empty’. Self-care is crucial in this sector and in any sector to be honest if we are to turn the tide of exhaustion and return to our innately vital selves able to bring true high quality care to others.
A beautiful transformation Nicole Serafin, thank you for sharing this. Bringing ‘beingness’ into all we do is a miracle in my opinion, in a world that is so focused on doing.
To live without expectation of how our day, or any event should turn out seems very powerful and empowering, allowing us to just accept whatever the outcome is. I personally have found that to be true, where just going through the process of offering quality in the task I am on often clears away any problems that may surround the projects and actions I have to do.
Living with expectations is a great way of making sure we get disappointed, which then provides a great excuse for us to think that there is something wrong with us. It is all a game so that we can avoid the truth of who we are. Your experience Nicole shows us that we can break that cycle.
Well said Elizabeth and when we’re prepared to be honest about that game we play, it is the moment in so doing our choices can begin to change.
For years I went to work most days in overwhelm and exactly as you describe it Nicole ‘…….it often felt like one big spin’, and if there was a deadline the spin got heavier and faster. This is a dilemma many people find themselves in, the spin feels awful yet we feel pressured to deliver an outcome and turning oneself inside out to do so. How we setup our day and the quality we start the day in can go a long way to change this. Other factors I know that make a difference are feeling rested and the hours I sleep, making sure I am organized with food and have chosen foods that don’t leave me tired or stimulated afterwards, being present with myself in the mornings so I am calm and don’t have a last minute rush (and the accompanying rush of adrenalin), living each day with awareness so I don’t hold back and allow pressure to build up. It’s not the whole picture but these choices make a difference.
That is why it is so important that we have stop moments in our day, just moments to just feel how we are doing, even if we do this on the toilet, which is a great place for stop moments. Then when we are all over the place and rushed out, we can just make other choices and then continue our day in another quality.
I agree Mariette – I have noticed over recent weeks that as the pressure I have been under at work has increased I have been drawn into focusing on those things around me and have not taken the opportunities to stop and check in with how my body feels in making time for these stops moments. Ironically this is perhaps when such moments can be of the most support in checking in with what is going on in our bodies which our minds may be choosing to ignore.
Ahahah Mariette – the toilet is also the place were I am going to do my stop moments as I am working with 5 other lovely women in one office this is the best place to do so.
3. Yes and this is so powerful and it makes you realize the responsibility we have. I have committed myself to making a choice every morning, a choice for the day, what is my focus. Today my choice is to be delicate with myself. It feels really supporting to make this choice and it is beautiful to experience how my whole day embraces this choice and how I get invited to deepen the choice that I have made.
When I read blogs such as this I am reminded of how much there is to appreciate in the changes I have made in my own life and how we can each inspire each other through sharings such as Nicole’s.
Yes , super inspiring – the simplicity of truth is so inspiring.
When we are caught up in the spin of our busy lives, we could never imagine that we could be so different in our lives, but we want our lives to be different. But it’s not our lives so much as is is how we are in our life. Your sharing Nicole highlights this beautifully. What happens when we really begin to take responsibility in our lives and how this responsibility is a true joy to live.
So true Jennifer “We want our lives to be different. But it’s not our lives so much as is is how we are in our life”.
Yes Jennifer, we’re often quick to blame our spinning busy life, targets and deadlines, but the real culprit is the spin of our inner world, that drives us to lose touch with our true self and become overwhelmed under pressure. I have experienced this myself. Taking back responsibility and committing to self brought about remarkable changes and my life back into balance.
Nicole, the pain, discomfort and stress that you experienced as a hairdresser could be experienced by people in any number of professions. The stress patterns, the anxiety and the subsequent physical ailments are so common, and so many people struggle with these. It is a joyful day when one comes across Universal Medicine and starts to understand that there is a different way to live that does not come from that struggle, and that there is a joy and ease that can be lived every day that is a far cry from the usual pain. It is wonderful to read your story.
I agree Rebecca Turner. It is joyful to know the truth of universal medicine, that there is another way to live based on self-love, self-care, appreciation and being who we truly are rather than seeking it in a world that does not currently reflect ‘joy and ease’ but very much the opposite in fact.
Stopping and checking in to then move forth from the stillness is so powerful.
Absolutely Kathryn, and key to moving through life with responsibility of our choices.
Yes, Shevon and that there is something that can be done about the aches and pains that actually works.
I agree Fiona, it is a nice feeling to notice that Monday has lost its bad feeling and Friday its good feeling – the Friday feeling may really just be relief.
I loved reading the details of how Nicole was feeling and living and the gradual steps she made to change this. It is reading these details that allows other people to identify, perhaps for the first time, that something they do all the time isn’t all that good for them. Until it was pointed out to me that I had to care for myself like I would my toddler, it just wasn’t in my awareness.
How many of us would consider caring for ourselves like a small child? I certainly didn’t but I love how I feel when I do. I recall questioning this when I first heard this, but when I began to be gentle and tender with myself and speak to myself with the love and care that I would a child, it made so much sense. After all we are the same human being that we were as a child.
I agree and blogs such as Nicole’s highlight why it is so important for all of us to share our stories as they can make a huge impact on others.
Yes Fiona, such beauteous reminder – quite revolutionary!
I agree Alison and seeing Nicole today you would never imagine she was once the 28 year old living in her mums garage with chronic pain and illness. How we live is something we can all take responsibility for and is the best medicine, as we choose it for ourselves, thus building love for ourselves.
Yes Alison and Fiona I agree, Nicole has performed a miracle and the transition is not short lived, but will continue to unfold and deepen, because once we re-connect with ourselves, there is nothing that can entice us back to our bad medicine again.
“Watching my life disappear in front of my very own eyes’. What a profound observation. Unfortunately I don’t think you are the only one who has felt this way. Even people who are ticking all the so called ‘right boxes’ can feel like this, as the missing of a true and whole way of being creates a strong tension in us. When I read all the simple changes you made it is hard to believe that we don’t just live that way. Yet I used to be exactly the same and doing simple things like taking an umbrella, water and food were not part of my normal way of living.
How true Fiona, we can have everything that we could possibly want in life, but still feel that something is missing and all the searching for ‘that something’ produces exhaustion.
Me too Fiona and I can remember feeling so spent and exhausted with the stresses and pressures of daily living and thinking to myself “stop the world I want to get off”. My daughter said to me the other night “Mum you are more vital now at 67 than when you were at 40”. Such a beautiful confirmation of the changes I have made.
I can relate to that Alison – I used to think I was missing out if I did not stay up late in the evening. Not until Serge Benhayon presented this fact did I understand that I had it upside down – when I stay up late I miss out on ME and the opportunity to allow the body to regenerate in it’s natural rhythm.
This has made a huge difference for my health and wellbeing.
I’ve discovered taking on any belief, ideal or picture about work (any form) very physically exhausting. My body is at a stage where it simply isn’t tolerating being made to go through the paces of performing any work that is based on anything less than true service equally for all. I’m referring to training I’ve done that was done under subtle illusion but none the less illusion, and realizing the truth of this is essential for my well-being.
Nicole, for me work was also combined with a lot of pressure to be good enough. I was working as a physiotherapist and burned out because I was suffering not being able to help people get rid of their illnesses. They came again and again with similar symptoms. Since I have been at Universal Medicine courses, I learned that ones’ own choices can lead to illness and disease. I learned that people are not dependant on me, but have their own responsibility. Learning about my own responsibility I changed my attitude concerning work and there is much more joy in my working days today.
Adele I would like it if the best advertisement for every workplace would be if our bodies are reflecting our depth of care. One main question in a job interview should be than – how do you care for yourself?
A lovely blog, Nicole, thank you for sharing how you turned your life around from not being able to work due to a debilitating illness, back to working with much joy and a completely different approach to all that needs to be done. On a re-read of your blog today, I was struck by the following “At work I began to accept I didn’t have to know or do it all; that everyone had something to offer and when we all worked together everything that was needed would be achieved.” That feels like a true way for us to work, doing it together, with each of us bringing our skills to the task in hand. Far better than putting the pressure on the individual to perform on his/her own. We all have different attributes and abilities, how sensible to work together. It is lovely to see people co-operating together like that. It will be the way that one day we will all be living in brotherhood, connected deeply to one another.
It is lovely to have this highlighted Beverley. It is often the case that we take on responsibility for things outside us where we need not (and ironically are too busy doing this to take responsibility for ourselves!) A team works so well when we all contribute from our strengths, with no trying to be more. There is no pressure as we are all just doing what we are great at and appreciating the strengths in others.
I agree Katie – the transformations that Nicole has experienced are indeed miracles, and clearly demonstrates that it is the quality in which we walk, talk and live our daily lives that can make miracles happen.
Love it Mathew! it is about being honest and responsible for ourselves and commit to being more of the love that we are.
Thank you Nicole, your story is very inspiring as it shows that through consistent self-care and honouring of our bodies we can tap into so much more of our potential than what we ever thought possible.
Well said Francisco. It is the commitment to ourselves and the consistency of our choices that builds a new way of living and treating ourselves. From there what is possible in our lives is endless.
I agree Francisco. Nicole shows that through consistent self-care and honouring of herself we can live so much more of our potential…more than we ever imagined.
I agree Francisco, consistent self care and responsibility for our choices can turn our life around opening us to a life we never thought possible.
thanks Nicole for this great article. I have learned the hard way that without a foundation of self-love and care, everything else has no steadiness, neither work nor home, nor relationships. and our ability to grow and learn is stunted.
I too have experienced living the “hard way” with high expectations/stress from “doing”.
Thank goodness I met Serge and Natalie Benhayon who have shown me another more loving, self-nurturing way to live, and what a positive transformation that has made to my life; just like it has for Nicole and many thousands of students of The way of the Livingness all over the world.
Me too Annie and it took a long time to shake off those ideals and beliefs that everyone else’s needs were more important than mine – I still have a few sticky little pockets that need shaking out but am working on them.
The fallacy of most parenting advice is to tell you your children come first and as a mother you are always second. The most caring thing you can do for a child, not excluding keeping them physically healthy and safe, is to be all of who you are as a woman, and in that you are an extraordinary role model.
Same Annie and when the foundation of self love and self care is there, my capacity to handle situations and life generally is far greater.
Yes Annie C. Any unsteadiness in one area of our life has a ripple effect on all aspects of our life.
I agree Annie – I too have experienced that if there is no true honouring of myself, there is no true foundation to build and evolve all the different areas in my life. This is such a key point for everything we do in life, to always honour ourselves first.
Well said Annie. Take away the steadiness and it becomes a whirlwind of activity without any quality.
Suddenly out of nowhere we can find ourselves stirred up like a storm in a teacup. It’s an unpleasant state which we understandably want to be free from. But what your words show Nicole, is that through dedication and commitment to feeling rather than reacting, we can heal these mini maelstroms and find an equilibrium to every task in life.
Absolutely Joseph – and it feels so natural when we are living in a harmonious way.
The analogy of a storm in a tea cup is very apt, because sometime the stresses we get caught up in in life are in reality very small, but because we are in them and not look from the outside, they feel very big.
So true Rebecca – our perception is completely distorted.
So true Rebecca, we end up living our life from our ill perceptions and that just doesn’t work because we’ve hidden the truth.
Well said Kylie – to swim in the sea and not get wet, or to observe and not absorb life – it is something i still work on but its has been life changing as you say.
Exactly – i know for me it is not perfect, i still choose to worry or get involved in stuff, but i attempt to keep an awareness so that i can step back and give myself space, to catch myself when i start to get involved, because what we don’t really consider is how draining and exhausting it is to live constantly caught up in a drama or a stress.
Well said James, I know that I am far more likely these days to not react, feel frustrated or anxious or off colour without stopping to ask myself what if going on and read the situation. Sometimes I don’t, but I find the more i do the less I stay in the reaction. I have also noticed how I often have a little voice almost, that knows what not to do and I have but to listen to this inner radar and I’ll be fine.
And that is the great thing Rebecca, that we can catch ourselves quicker and quicker when we go into reaction to something. It makes it a lot more pleasant for everyone around us as well. Growing up life and reactions would build up in my body that I would have to vent and usually my parents copped it. But it always felt horrible they had not done anything wrong. The more I catch myself reacting to things the less they can build up inside me and so I now no longer find myself venting like I used to do.
I agree, I find so often in life a cycle appears – someone gets upset about something, be it a conversation or something someone said, or maybe they are just not feeling great that day, and they then say or do something that upsets someone else, who then gets upset and reacts to them, and then carries that around, effecting how they are with others, so that someone else might also react to them and so on. When we don’t stop and feel whats going on with us, our mood or reaction and start a chain reaction that continues until someone is able to stop and look beyond and realise that maybe there is more to the mean comment or barbed reply, and so not to get upset by it.
So true Rebecca, the chain effects of our actions and choices when we look at them can be cringe worthy. It takes responsibility to a whole new level when we see how even the smallest choice can have major knock on effects. We then tend to explode at people , I know I have, who have nothing to do with has been going on and then as you say it repeats with them.
Absolutely true Rebecca, we get caught up in the storm, but when we allow more holding and stillness in our body’s, we are able to observe the storm in the tea cup, or the emotions, and be less identified and caught up.
Yes well said Joseph Barker. We do not have to join the fray but instead we can learn to stay with ourselves and be the calm in the centre of the storm.
‘A storm in a teacup’ I know exactly what you mean Joseph. I have started at a new job the other day and yes there was this storm because of the pressure that I put on myself to be perfect. I could feel the enormous tension this was causing in my body. Really old patterns from when I first started a job came back to fall into and now and then it felt as if there is no other way. It is a very good exercise to come back to observe myself and the situation. I know there is this opportunity to heal and to love myself more to be in the same quality at work as I am at home.
Wow Nicole, the changes you talk about are immense in their 180 turn around. I bet you are much more pleasant and joyful to be around! So many people live the life you describe pre meeting Serge it is so ‘normal’ to be overworked, overwhelmed, overstretched and sick. The fact you can in most cases turn this around with the commitment you describe is amazing.
I love this Nicole “At work I began to accept I didn’t have to know or do it all; that everyone had something to offer and when we all worked together everything that was needed would be achieved.” imagine if the world of school and work and family was like this where everyone was valued equally, it would be a very different place to the one we are creating at the moment. So much we can bring about very easily with just a little bit of honesty and more love for ourselves. Very inspiring.
I love that too Vanessa, it would be very different if we dropped all comparison or thinking that we need to be good at everything and instead appreciated how we can all work together.
“I realised that making changes with the way I was at home and the quality of my self-care helped me with how I was at work, and vice versa.” – Yes I’ve found that too Nicole – that how I live at home before I get to work affects how I am when I get there and vice versa.
I agree that the way I am in either affects the other and have learnt we cannot compartmentalise our lives as there is one common factor in all areas and that is we take ourselves to all of them!
Thank you Nicole for sharing your experience and the power in making self loving choices that have healed the Fibromyaliga, which is a very debilitating disease.
Ha ha Alison – l love what you said there: “I get on really well with my hairdresser, but I have noticed the more we talk the shorter my hair gets!”!
At times I find myself standing/bending in a posture that hurts and is uncomfortable for my body. I ponder as I feel the discomfort : ‘at what point in my life did I override these feelings in the past and continue working/moving making uncomfortable seem normal? My sense is it starts very young, so if we observe this in children it would be a great support to guide them into an awareness of how they are moving and using their bodies.
The commitment to being loving and caring with ourselves builds a foundation that will support us in being simply who we are.
Your words are just what I needed to hear Carolien so that I am reminded to just keep it super simple and surrender to my own self love.
So true Carolien, and so simple. we never have to try to be anyone, because we already have it all within. but this can only be brought out through that foundation of love.
It’s so true Carolien, it is our commitment to ourselves that creates the space for us to be more of the love that we are; appreciation and self-care are the key.
in reading your reply Francisco I can feel how stillness and presence can create this space for us to then drop into ourselves as it where. In this being the appreciation and self-care becomes natural.
True Shevon, hairdressers have a strict environment to work in. The conditions are not truly supportive to deeply take care of yourself. I liked how Nicole has made changes to her rhythm and lifestyle to accomodate the work environment. When we listen to the body and support it before the day the body will work with you back and tell you how to work. I cannot express enough how amazing the body is when you connect and work with it.
Yes Annelies, work is so different when you feel it and keep it simple. The thing about working in IT it is complex and some times takes a lot of work. I love what Nicole expressed about working together. I used to try and do everything because I did not trust anyone to do it properly or give the service that was required (and this is true much of the time). That was irresponsible on my behalf as it stopped me from doing what I was designed to do and also passing judgement on others. Trusting others work flows so beautifully and all the things that I like doing and that are needed to be done come my way. Work is so enjoyable I could do it 24/7.
I agree Mary “I am finding the more self care choices I make the more my body supports me to make those choices”. It is such a contrast when you choose abuse you more likely to choose it again. It is the best medicine to choose a loving relationship with yourself.
Paying attention to the way we stand, the quality in which we move, the choices we make in the day, it may seem simple and nothing ‘big’ but it is the way to completely change our lives around in every area. The quality in which we live is what determines what our heart, relationships, work and wellbeing.
I agree Carolien, it may seem too simple, but it is profound and powerful beyond measure. It is the way to arrest the domination of an unruly mind and the dramas it creates, and instead allows our true essence to be felt and connected to.
Nicole it was a great joy to read your awesome blog as both my mum and dad were hairdresser and so I grew up with all the drive, stress and overwhelm you have written about. It was a great reflection for me and helped me to get a deeper understanding what was really going on in my family as for me this kind of life was so normal. Your blog helped me to look from the outside so to speak and gave me the possibility to finally understand that it was not my stress or overwhelm I was living for so long – Thank you.
Starting to run before the day has commenced is certainly very exhausting. Being ahead with our thoughts and already solving problems which are not in the present moment yet, separates the body and the mind. To be present with the mind and the body in every moment is the key. Letting work come to oneself instead of heading towards it. Honouring what the body asks for and not overriding it. This is certainly the best recipe for a healthy life.
I love what you say with this blog Nicole, that it is about the quality of life we live, either we are at work or at home. There should be no difference in the dedication to the love we live in whatever place or situation we are in. Life is about living that quality we all equally carry in our inner-hearts and that not needs to be restricted in any way.
The realisation of “I could feel there had to be a way to make other choices that would give me a life and not an existence” is important to have as it takes us out of the illusion that we have to accept life to be an existence while that is far from the truth that life actually is and of which we all have a knowing of but have conveniently forgotten about.
There’s only one possible answer to this question Brendan, and that is a very big no. We are too precious to run our lives for the “expectations of others”, as in the process we not only do incredible harm to ourselves, we also harm those around us.
Since the first day I met Serge Benhayon I have experienced many “aha” moments, some small and some monumental, but one of the pivotal ones was, like you Nicole: “becoming aware of choices that I had made” which led me to ” feel why it was that I had got to this point in the first place”. With this incredible awareness I finally had a starting point from which I took the first step back towards me, the me that I had left a long time ago.
Beautifully said Ingrid – I can relate to this. It’s like the first step back to ourselves and the first step to saying YES to living responsibly. When I started looking at my choices I realised I can not blame another for anything, that it is all with me and my movements in life. This in itself feels really empowering and that in each and every moment I have the chance to choose something that either supports me or does not.
Thanks Nicole for your blog. from reading your story, you can see that there’s an interesting link between the way we live that contributes to illness and disease. …”run by the clock; a clock that made me feel like I never had enough time to get done what was needed, let alone time for myself to stop, eat or re-assess the day…” and having expectations, demands on ourselves allow steps to run the body. It is great to read how you changed all, simply and consciously taking self care, showing its very possible to reduce or even stop symptoms of illness & disease. We have to consciously choose it.
So well said Nicole and very inspiring…’it is all simply me being me doing whatever is needed or resting if that is what is needed.’ Compartmentalising life is such an illusion and leads to being let down, disappointment and excitement. We reserve ourselves and not give certain times our all, because we are waiting for the holiday or the weekend to be ourselves. I can feel the emptiness in this as it is how I have lived some of life. The potential to live and be with me in all situations and hours of the day feels very yummy!
The question is why do we as we are in physical bodies wait for the ill-ness or dis-ease to take effect before we even consider the stop or what our bodies are showing us before that??
I love your example here of work life and home life being one and not indeed separate as we so often are led to believe – and as we so often conveniently (for ourselves) accept. How can they be truly separate though, if it is you in connection with yourself, being in both situations! It makes a nonsense of what we’ve grown up to believe.
Agree Rosanna, the moment we separate the both, we separate ourselves and are then able to judge the one or the other as strenuous or exhausting. Or we are able to put in one or both more effort. Rather than holding all areas of our lives – private and work – equally important.
Well said Ray “In other words every part of the world is a reflection for you, if you allow it”.
Great comment Heather. It’s the same whether we’re too busy or a couch potato – avoiding connecting with ourself and others. Crazy when you consider that the thing we all long for the most is love and connection.
It’s very telling when we feel exhausted or overwhelmed at work. Feeling this way, which I often do is showing me that I am expecting work to give me something and because of that expectation there are then multiple and myriad disappointments which are so depleting. Changing our focus in life to the quality we feel on the inside and living from that changes everything. Then it’s not about the world give us something, it’s about what we bring to the world.
I agree Adele. We can choose whether or not we look after our bodies, but the consequence of our decision is that everyone we come into contact with gets to feel and witness the decision we made when we woke up, the evening before, when we overate, how we got ready etc. Our bodies are living evidence of all of the choices we’ve made beforehand, and as you say in the service industry where hairdressers have physical contact with the public and interact with them on a personal level the impact these choices have on the customer is amplified.
Ouch! I can relate to this Annelies. When I am consistent at putting my body’s requests first and foremost and true nurturing is there. The unfolding of my day is totally different if I choose everyone else first and the harmonious and beautiful rhythm and flow becomes rather like a torrent of water through a large rocky canyon instead and it is exhausting just keeping one’s ‘head above these turbulent waters’ 🙂
So true Eduardo and Alexis. The myriad of ways we can set ourselves up for continuing exhaustion and further misery in our lives is a huge momentum gathering a greater force in itself until we finally ‘get it’ and understand we are causing this ourselves. Thank God for Serge Benhayon’s presentations that reflect and confirm continuously that there is another way to live and be and we can bring a true responsibility back to ourselves.
Yes it does, and to begin listening to the body and honouring what we feel. Without this, we will follow a theoretic framework, which will also not work. The body tells us everything we need to know, and listening to it is the first step back to being truly well.
Yes Alex, and haven’t we created an absolute plethora of ‘solutions’ to our wayward ways to choose from… thinking if not one, then another is the answer.
What a great idea to have a 5 minute lie down in the day. I have heard in some modern workplaces, they actually have rooms for staff to take a nap. A very supportive idea.
This is so true Kev, ‘I can cause myself stress in possibly the most stress free job there is if I am not present and get too far ahead of myself’, I used to get really stressed with my job and continued this for years – I thought it was just a stressful job, I have changed this recently and realised that I do not need to get anxious before work, that I am perfectly capable of doing my job and that if I am present rather than ahead of myself then I actually really enjoy my work – this is a real turnaround!
Every health organisation, medical journal and research institute needs to read this blog. The answer is to the armageddon that is the state of the world’s health, is staring us in the face.
When you stop consider it like this Adam, it is indeed revealed as daft. “Cor, I’m absolutely knackered, I need a break.” …..or, the more extreme version….”I’m sorry to tell you Mr.X, but you have Prostate Cancer.” Yet even that, doesn’t stop us from looking at why we are knackered and if there might be another way of doing whatever it is that is knackering us. The reason we allow this utterly illogical play of events to perpetuate is that we attach far greater value to what we do, than what we are. Thus it is with a conscious willingness that we are quite happy to exhaust our bodies to feed the external illusion that is created and maintained by our activities. Rather than stopping, investing in ourselves and then, shock-of-all-shocks, perhaps discovering that we are everything already.
‘I began to stop having expectations of how my day should be and in doing so, found that not only did I feel less stressed and exhausted, more was actually achieved (without trying) and completed with clarity and an understanding of others and myself.’ This is so what I’m working on at the moment because I recognise how I usually work when the work-load increases, is unsustainable and I am making myself ill.
Yes, when what you do and who you are becomes one, life is very different.
Thanks Christoph and I agree, no ups or downs, in or outs, just a consistency of who you are in every way. The more dedication there is to listening to what you feel and having that as your guide means you don’t actually need to ‘do’ anything. It’s just a consistent extension of what you feel. So work isn’t work and home isn’t home, they are one and the same and just another point to express what you feel.
It’s funny how it can feel so crazy different, yet also be so very normal once the choice is made.
Wow Nicole I am floored reading your first paragraph – you have made me sit up and realize that I am still holding this belief ie that work and home are separate. How did I not see this before now?!!! I sure have my work cut out for me this week. Brilliant opportunity for working on my next X thanks Nicole.X
Thankyou Deidre for your very relatable and insightful comment. It’s very true what you wrote about “a war going on in our bodies from the need for recognition and approval with little regard for what is really true for our being.” It does indeed feel like a war inside when we fight the natural way of our body and stress it by not listening to it, chasing after recognition etc and putting tremendous pressure on ourselves.
It is Beautiful to be in the presence of somebody who’s taking True care of themselves. It leaves me unimposed and invited to surrender to my own care. It’s so different to connect to the Love and Care in people, rather than all the things where evolvement is still possible. The issue with the last part is that there’s always evolvement possible and whenever connecting in a comparing way we’re relating to the outside world from the perspective of the outside world telling us who we are. As a matter of fact, we’re in one way or another competing with each other. That in itself is taking us away from ourselves. Accepting life, ourselves and others is the greatest gift we can offer The World – which of course includes ourselves.
Comparing ourselves to and competing with others absolutely crushes our connection to ourselves and others and therefore the potential to develop and grow.
Yes Lucy, and it needs a lot of honesty and willingness how much we compare and compete with each other. That’s at least my experience. It’s our lack of appreciation of ourselves that leaves us ‘existing’ in comparison to others, rather than being connected to ourselves and ‘living’ from here. From this perspective the word Life gets a whole different perspective to me. Life is not the events that occur, those are the manifestations and logic consequences of Life itself. The key is to learn to connect to the Life inside and live from here. I feel myself as very delicate, joyful, fragile, sacred, loving, caring and still when I am indeed connected to me. Words get a totally different meaning when I choose to feel them, rather than just ‘use’ them.
It is totally exhausting, not to mention futile, to live for the recognition of others as a way of covering up what we know is not really ok. Serge Benhayon never bestows recognition on those who seek it, instead he appreciates them, thus encouraging people to live with true self-love and in honour of their own Soul impulses. This is a huge difference.
You are right, Serge Benhayon is no hippie dude Nicole. He is the most humble, normal person. But he lives in a way that represents what we are all looking for – truly lovingly – and he role models to us everyone’s potential to do the same.
So true rachelandras, a basic principle for everyone to know how life works.
“I was no longer seeking a solution, or looking for a band-aid that would best fit” it’s a wonderful moment when we find this point – as there is only true change when we get honest about the state of the ‘wound’, rather than reach for the band-aids.
Yes shevonsimon and this changes the way we ‘accept’ certain conditions because of the work we do.
Beautiful said Matthew. It is so true when you work on one part of your life there is a ripple effect to all other areas.
I think it will be beyond our imagination, I certainly would love to experience this with everyone.
‘…accept that there may be days where not everything I wanted to do would be completed.’ This to me is a very important one that I am still working on, it prevents bringing complication and overwhelm in my life.
Very inspiring to read your blog Nicole, I can relate to discovering what you write about accepting that I didn’t have to know or do it all and that everyone had something to offer and when we all worked together everything that is needed will be achieved. This gives so much more space to see that we are part of a bigger picture.
Most of us would be happy just to stop the spin. You re-learned to define a new normal of quality and connection, Nicole, that is consistent as the sun’s eternal fire. Thank you.
Beautiful comment Felix.
Self care is such a powerfully healing tool which is fluid rather than static in its’ motion. I mean we can continually go deeper in the care we give ourselves. What you have shared Nicole is showing us the depth of self care that is possible and how life changing this is. Thank you.
Yes good point Anne, it’s easy to get stuck in a routine or doing things a certain way because we know they have worked for us but it doesn’t mean that it necessarily always will, it’s good to be open to change and feeling what is needed next…
Yes, Fiona, developing a relationship with our body helps us to feel the preciseness of how we need to care for ourselves from one moment to the next.
‘When I watch myself now, I observe myself doing what is needed,’ This line stood out for me today. It is such a gift we give ourselves when we are willing to observe ourselves, – bringing it back to the simplicity of this is profound.
It was a revelation to me Melinda that the self care we nurture ourselves in means, ‘that the quality at home and work can be the same’ and we can turn living and working in the daily grind around into living with greater vitality and joy.
Living 2 different lives and changing the way we are when we’re at home vs. when we’re at work is actually encouraged and triumphed by many people and families. If Mum goes to work every day and gets stressed, frustrated, overwhelmed, reactive and counts down the minutes to the end of the day, then Dad and the kids pray each evening that she comes home in a different state! Instead of addressing the issues and problems at work, many of us substitute looking at them with burying them and flipping to ‘Persona 2’ – but of course it is impossible for the behaviours to not play out everywhere as you can only push so much of the frustration and hurt away.
Yes Rachel, I am becoming more and more aware of all the abusive behaviours I have as I deepen my level of self care. I have noticed that I am still very harsh with myself when I apply moisturiser, something that can be deeply nurturing but sometimes I go into doing and notice just how rough I can be. The more we care the more the abuse stands out like a sore thumb and it becomes no longer acceptable.
The difference in my daily life today from 7 or 8 years ago is almost unrecognisable. I am not subject to what the world throws at me any more, I have a choice and it is how I deal with what is presented that makes the difference.
That is so worth celebrating Fiona, we all have a choice even if we aren’t aware of that.
Beautifully shared Matthew – “let it overflow into every aspect of life”.
Yes and it is relevant to so many industries where we are demanded to be on our feet. I was recently talking to a lady at my local supermarket who stands all day and was describing the aches and pains she feels in her body.
So true Jenny what Nicole has done is a miracle, but I cannot help but feel that we are not appreciating as much as we could the transformations that are happening to many of us. Healing from chronic conditions, diabetes, depression, severe anxiety, mental illness, moving through drug addictions, having babies when told it was impossible, true healing from cancer, to name a few. We need to get this out into mainstream society, so they can know that they do not have to live resigned to their illness, that they too can heal. We are living inspirations.
Yes agreed marylouisemyers, I know I have come to expect the incredible shifts in health l’m seeing every day through the clinic where I work. Universal Medicine therapies are so effective, that when combined with someone willing to take responsibility for addressing issues and making changes in their lives, the result is a true modern day miracle. Nowhere else are we seeing a turnaround like this as a consistent and normal occurrence.
Fibromyalgia can be a very difficult condition to overcome, because the behaviours that lead to it are so engrained in our day to day lives. But in my experience I have learnt how with some simple changes, diligently committed to each day, the affects of this condition can be turned around, and can eventually be gone completely.
Well said Melinda. No body likes to look at the option of taking responsibility for how they are and changing to self loving choices. Everything’s the same until someone comes and shows that it can be different.
Well said Elizabeth. When said like this, it’s obvious and makes sense which choices to make.
And what a difference listening makes.
Lifestyles now days for many are chaotic and not supportive. Many can relate and I was thinking about it the other day at work whilst reading this. Your story explains so well what happens when we begin to love ourselves deeply. Thank you for sharing Nicole.
What an awesome sharing Nicole, it goes to show what a difference life can be like both for ourselves and for others when we truly start to take care for ourselves and our bodies.
Nicole, I can relate to what you have written here about your work, ‘I found hairdressing a job that was run by the clock; a clock that made me feel like I never had enough time to get done what was needed’, I also found this in my work as a photographer, i would be given a set amount of time in which to take photographs and this would always cause panic in me that I would not have enough time, i would rush and feel very up against the clock, always working till the last minute, this way of working was very stressful and as i have changed and become more confident and self-loving the work I work has also changed, i am now much more relaxed and use whatever time i have available without panicking and clock watching, i find this flows so much more and creates less of a rush and panic and is a much more enjoyable way to work, i find that i now work in a much more efficient, gentle way.
Thank You Nicole, for sharing about your returning to a normal vitality where “I feel less stressed” and “I realised that making changes with the way I was at work and the quality of my self-care helped me with how I was at work, and vice versa.” For more on how to deal with stress and anxiety go to;
Understanding Anxiety in Men – ONLINE COURSE
http://study.coum.org/enrol/index.php?id=14
Yes, exactly Annie and Adele. Everyone can feel how we live whether they are conscious of it or not, and so our bodies and our movements reflect the love we live and magnetically pull others who feel inspired by that.
Nicole I relate to your experience of “Placing huge amounts of pressure on myself to perform” that we have to hold the whole of our work together and focus so much on controlling each aspect that we miss the simplicity and strength in focusing on the quality we are at work. How we feel, how we relate etc. What a different way of approaching work today compared to the past. As you and many others have shared we have the ability to make empowered choices that can truly change the way we are in life and therefore the quality and care everyone receives.
A beautiful simplicity to life thank you Nicole what an inspiration you are for a life that brings a flow and consistency for yourself and everyone around you. It is amazing how we can change our life by a dedication to healing our hurts and coming from love.
Agree Otto no potion, cream, drugs, procedures, etc. can ever deliver the true Universal Wisdom we all can access when choosing love as our foundation. It is so simple.
Agree Lucinda and Kevin, well said. Life is no longer living us if we choose to and all the force we used to put into life to make things happen is exposed of how unnecessary it actually is if we choose to live in line with the Universal Order.
Great example of how we place our responsibility on the outside to avoid looking at how we create our lives in a certain way that suits us. Stress is a great source of energy if someone has chosen to swim against the stream, fighting the very light we are from.
Great call Lucinda. We have reduced responsibility to areas of life so that we can be not responsible as a general way of living. That way we can choose to be responsible where it suits us and it is even accepted as part of ones character to be messy with certain things, not that responsible, etc. We adjusted responsibility to our desire to be irresponsible, and off course with this responsibility has become a burden and something exhausting to do. But we just have to be responsible and this starts with ourselves.
Love it Matilda, “we do not have to live as hapless victims of circumstance” and if we do we have to be so honest and admit that it has been our choice. Circumstances is nothing more than energy, if we do not choose to align to the divine fiery energy we are all from then the also divine, but deviated pranic energy will take care of us. All we have to do is choose and take responsibility for our choices.
yes, and that is what we seem to forget, that we take ourselves everywhere we go. You can divorce a partner, but you can never leave yourself. This relationship is a 24/7 one, whether we like it or not.
Absolutely Alex. There is a foundation that most of us build our entire lives upon that is based on control and security, yet it is this very foundation that creates the complexities, difficulties and issues we experience through life. The only way is to surrender and let go of control and protection
So true and as I am learning this aspect of us that we can surrender to is actually already known because it is so naturally held within us all
This is huge in that instead of letting the illness take control of your life and the debilitation meaning you could do less and less from simple changes, committing to these and what I can feel in you connecting with you and your relationship with you and life this has in fact turned completely around. I love what you shared here ‘doing more now in a day than ever without getting tired, fatigued or exhausted, and with a body that is now truly vital and alive, and with eyes that glow and skin that shines’. What Serge Benhayon brings to all is an absolute blessing.
an ‘absolute blessing’ indeed Vicky. He gives us the toolkit and then it’s up to us to do the rest – and always with the absolute love and support that is offered from Universal Medicine. Appreciation all round.
So inspiring to read of your transformation Nicole…from ‘getting through’ life according to external factors, to then taking full responsibility for your choices, and choosing another way of being in life that starts with you, which allows space for so much more love, joy and vitality. Beautiful.
Its great to see the idea of what is ‘normal’ breaking down – that word can be a cage that binds us in a particular way of living for aeons whereas we are always free to choose, and return to who we naturally are.
I always find it inspiring to read in all of these blogs that people are changing their lives. I sometimes think the world would have us convinced that its so difficult to change, that a leopard cannot change its spots. And yet time and again I read these testimonials about the impact that Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine are having and am reminded that change is perfectly possible – and simple when it is a return to our natural way of being.
I enjoyed the comment about walking across coals Otto, its comical sometimes how we can over complicate things.
Great comment Alex – its much simpler and less tiring to live one life, rather than create 2 (or 3 etc)!
I can relate to what you have written here Annelies, especially with putting clients before me which I agree is exhausting and compartmentalising my work life from my home life – this for me is still a work in progress.
Isn’t it interesting that when we let go, stop trying and start being we become so much more productive. There is less to get in the way, things become simpler, and rather than trying to do everything ourselves we can feel what we can do and what we need help with. Thanks for this oh so simple reminder Nicole.
I know Simon on one level it does not make sense but it makes perfect sense on another because we spend so much less time worrying or stressing about how we are going to do everything and just do it!
And in this spaciousness I find literally anything and everything is possible. Tasks I once never dreamed of doing are done. I blow myself away at times!
Exactly Alison, I used to spend hours deliberating over should I do this this or that, when I could have already done it! The more decisive I am, the quicker I do things and the more productive I am, and contrary to what I would expect the more energy / less exhausted I am!
That’s a great call Simon, doing things from our true being and not at the expense of it.
I agree Simon. Letting go of the idea of having to do it all by myself has been very liberating. I am now comfortable asking for help, and it feels wonderful to be able to accept the support of others.
Getting support during challenging times is such a simple idea, and yet I’ve spent a lifetime making it more difficult than it has to be. Time to change the record.
Nicole this blog is a gift that brings to my attention that no matter what work we do, it is always about who we are and how we are first. If I am honest I had preconceptions of what it was to be a hair dresser – either a lot of them were over weight or under weight and it was a laid back job with the only strain being blowdrying long hair. Boy was I wrong. It shows me loud and clear that no matter what the job or the role, there is always a stressful way to do it that can impact how we are – or there is a way to work from who we are first and the job is just an expression of that. It is gorgeous to read that you now work this way and have come to change your life based on the quality of your choices. This is just amazing to read no matter what the career.
This is such an important aspect Irena. The quality that we hold effects everyone around us, everyone we come into contact with whether at work or at home. We have a huge responsibility with the way we care for and look after ourselves which is reflected in the quality of our presence.
Great question Rachel, what is making us tired, and do we really hate working as so many claim to or is it how we are approaching it. I know many who say they would gladly not work again but careful what we wish for as work gives our life purpose. The amount of purpose it gives us though is definitely related to how much we are willing to see the service in working and that prana or fire is our choice of energy in all work we do.
Nicole, I can so relate to what you have written here, ‘Placing huge amounts of pressure on myself to perform, Often disliking my work due to pressures I had placed on myself’, this was my experience too, I even wanted to stop my work because I found the pressure too much, this has changed now that I am more confident in myself, I can feel how the pressure and expectations I have placed on myself have eased and so I am able to enjoy my work much more instead of being in self criticism and self doubt.
Absolutely Gill. There is such a strength in consistency and the ability to take this consistency and strength with us in all that we do. Very inspiring.
Nicole these are key ingredients you share which turned your life around and pointed you in the opposite direction – back to yourself: self awareness, listening to your body, being prepared to look at your hurts and expectations, and that one, inspiring, catalyst of a session, with Serge Benhayon are a recipe for true success.
So true Christoph. We can build a beautiful quality of living in both our home and work lives with each area supporting the other. We live a whole life, it is not compartmentalised. We are the same person no matter where we are, some people just choose to try and hide behind a mask in some aspects of their life.
Susan I love that no matter what the choices we have made in the past, we can start making different choices from today. It is so inspiring to see people becoming healthier and more vital as they age. I feel better in my thirties than I did in my twenties. This is reversing the mainstream trends.
Love this Lee – “no matter what the choices we have made in the past, we can start making different choices from today” no need to beat yourself up about it, just make different choices.
This is beautiful Nicole. I never cease to marvel at the importance of truly caring for ourselves. Lack of self care can manifest in many different ways and it is amazing when we end up in a situation or with an illness and look back at the choices we have made to see why we are where we are. By choosing differently you have changed your life, this is truly inspiring.
I was having my hair cut yesterday at my hairdressers and they lady washing my hair asked how my day was and I shared with her how lovely it had been. She made a comment that it is good when the day goes quickly and it stopped me in my tracks as I realised that this is not the case for me anymore. I am no longer wishing time away, because I bring conscious presence into all that I do, I am not willing time away as I once was. I had forgotten that so many people live like this, always looking to the end of the day to gain some relief. I explained that I no longer felt like this and why.
It’s beautiful when we recognise that we can’t compartmentalize our lives, that how we are say at work is also a reflection of how the quality we live in when we are at home. And when we step it up in one area, it then steps up how we are in all area’s.
There are many facades we can wear but none are who we truly are. It is these facades that separate each area of our lives from one another, and the keeping up of appearances is exhausting and draining, and it creates complexity.
However when we choose to connect to ourselves and our innate natural rhythm everything flows and is naturally connected – there is no way of being in one area of our lives, and a different way elsewhere….it is simply one life and one way of being within it.
Well said Alex. There is a lot of talk about work-life balance in terms of time, but nobody else I have heard of is saying what is presented by Universal Medicine- that they are one in the same. That it is actually possible to be the same at work as we are at home and to be ourselves in full without holding back or putting on any pretence or persona everywhere in our lives equally.
I agree when it was first presented to me that how we are at work and how we are at home are one in the same and compartmentalising life (which is what we all try to do) does not work, it was a game changer. It is so much simpler to just be who we are everywhere in our lives rather than trying to be different things to different people in different situations. It is exhausting just thinking about it!
It was lovely Nicole to read about the simple changes in your life and how once we begin to support ourselves things begin to shift and life becomes more vital and fulfilling.
Your right Otto, do we chose the blue pill or the red one? Continue to live in the dream or wake up.
It is beautiful how when we start to make space for ourselves, time and it’s apparent constraints totally change. What I felt in your words Nicole is that the true work we are to do is breaking the mould of the beliefs about what we should and shouldn’t do. Then whatever shop or office we are in, our day can be full of play. Inspiring.
Very true Joseph and something I too have personally experienced. When we allow ourselves to the grace to stop and make time to connect to and care for ourselves in the day, our entire attitude to work alters. What was once a chore, a bore or a pressure to deliver transforms into an opportunity to bring all of our loving attention, care and integrity to whatever we do, able to admit what we don’t know with ease and apply what we do know with joy. From the outside little may have appeared to change, same job, same person, but underneath a complete change of heart.
Spot on Joseph, it is letting go of the images we hold about life and ourselves that allow us to see that we don’t need to run around and do everything or save everyone as it is all there for us – we just need to bring that deeper level of self-care and love to get there.
I can relate to many of the patterns of behaviour you have listed here Nicole and I used to do many of them. I have also changed completely how I am at work and home with the support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, including many of the amazing practitioners that have studied under UM. The old patterns do sometimes make an appearance and there is no perfection, but I can usually spot them quickly and the difference now is that I know and have experienced that there is another way to live life and it does not have to be from overwhelm, stress and disregard of myself and my body.
What a great example of the power of self care and the role it has to play in medicine.
Nicole, your writing is very healing to read. I can feel the deep love that you hold for yourself, rather than the berating self criticism one could easily develop when realising things could be different. To feel this is beautiful and amazing.
Thank you for sharing Eleanor, the way you express what you are experiencing feels very honest. I love the way you explain what you have observed without judging yourself and top it all off with a big slice of appreciation and a commitment to moving toward a way of living that is more supportive.
haha – awesome observation Alexis. I am blessed to have a hairdresser that is connected to their stillness and every time they work on my hair I feel as though I have had a healing. In years past this was not my experience at all, in fact I had to ask many hairdressers to be more gentle as the way they moved often caused me pain. I can see how this plays out for me also. When I make food in a rush it doesn’t taste great, when I clean in a bad mood the house feels worse… there is no escaping the truth of energy and what we feel.
It is wonderful to be reminded that we always have the opportunity to choose our way of moving through life. You are still working as a hairdresser and yet everything about your life has changed, this is amazing and shows how much simple changes can lead to gigantic turnarounds if we make it about love first.
Yes me too Rosie – this point really hit the spot! I can see where I have been selling myself and others short by measuring or saving myself for certain people and situations. But really, I’m the one that misses out as the connection with me does not have an on or off switch, it’s just up to me to feel what is always there in all that I do.
What is exhaustion? I’m thinking there are many facets to it, but constant drain of not living in a support of true rhythm feels pretty spot on for me. I’ve been feeling and seeing it in my life and around me lately with the message to STOP and reassess what choices are being made. I love your inquisitiveness and dedication Nicole, to understanding yourself and choices and coming to a point where you aware of the quality being lived. Now that’s true medicine and has proved itself so as you’ve shared.
I can relate to doing it all and all at once! Feeling into that more I can see there is a lack of appreciation for what I bring and what I can do. By doing it all at once and more than I need to I am looking for recognition for my abilities and control over situations. So allowing myself to appreciate the little things seems like a beautiful antidote to the need to be seen as being great at it all.
Your experience Nicole with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, highlights the truth about Serge, how he is completely opposite to the image the smear campaign are trying to portray him as.
This is true Johanne. And it also highlights that the smear campaign is utter nonsense. The many many people from all over the world who now live truer, natural and deeply caring lives are also a direct testimony of the love, steadiness, support and truth Serge Benhayon offers.
Exactly. It is just an avoidance and huge reaction to take responsibility but the thing is eventually it will all have to be faced.
That is exactly what it comes down to Heather. We either take responsibility for our own health and wellbeing or we find ways to avoid that. A smear campaign against someone who truly supports others to take responsibility is the perfect way to avoid responsibility.
Yes well said Heather, it is the perfect set up to avoid responsibility and keep giving our power away to others that will save us.
Nicole, how inspiring to see how introducing self care and honouring of yourself actually has enormous positive changes in health, with illness symptoms reducing and even stopping. There has to be a study in this relationship, as it shows the way you live, is actually medicine to the body.
Great blog Nicole. You mentioned about seeing work and home a two separate areas of life. This was something that is quite obvious as so often I hear how people just don’t want to be at work and while at work, acting up, complaining or counting down the hours until they escape like it is a prison. The prison is really our own attitude and ideals we have around work and I wonder how it must feel like to be at the end of your working life and reflect back on just how negative or unsatisfied it has been. It really feels like a lot of wasted time and opportunity for so many things
Great point Alison, the actual job at hand or our job tittle isn’t important at all what is important is the energy we do it in. For me being consciously present with myself is the first step and checking in with myself regularly throughout the day supports me to support others in the workplace with my reflection.
‘It is our attitude,choices and way of being that is the prison.’ So true. It really is up to us.
I agree Johanna – Matthew’s expression paints a very clear picture of how we can actually imprison ourselves with our own attitudes and ideals we have around work.
Well said Gill. lt feels so much more loving to not make a distinction between both and allow enough love to make it all one.
That’s an all too familiar list of points under experience of work but it is to be deeply appreciated that we can change our experinces in life so simply by addressing our choices whch lead to them.
Yes Amita, this is so true… it can be easy to go down the slippery slope by a un supportive choice, but the fact is, not to flounder in these ill choices when we recognise them, instead, clock it and the next step to take, is a step out of this with self love and to get on with what we known we need to do and not avoid doing it. Its never too late.
Very true Michael it all comes back to choice we are responsible for our choices.
Absolutely Margaret – we are responsible for every situation we find ourselves in and everything that happens to us. If we don’t like where we find oursleves – start making different choices.
This is a powerful statement Nicole…”I began to stop having expectations of how my day should be and in doing so, found that not only did I feel less stressed and exhausted, more was actually achieved (without trying)” It always surprises me how much can be done with less effort when we let go of the ideas and beliefs we have around how we should be, and how our day or life should be, and just be ourselves – so much just falls into place, naturally and in rhythm with everything and everyone around us – absolute magic.
And what surprises me even more Paula is that despite, on the odd occasion, having had the experience of the absolute magic that happens when we actually let go and just be ourselves, why we don’t embrace it with both arms and never let it go.
Hear hear, Tamara, well said “why don’t we embrace it with both arms and never let it go”. Letting go of all expectations on ourselves and on others, yes, does result in absolute magic, it is amazing then how everything just flows and falls into place.
So true Paula – when we let go of what I call ‘controlling the day’ and just allow it to unfold then it is like we allow magic to happen.
Yes Alex, and then throw in all the other personas we may adopt with family, friends etc. No wonder so many people suffer with exhaustion. Its almost a 24 hour act, playing all the roles in a movie (your life) where you don’t get to be yourself. Crazy!
I had the same thought when I read the opening paragraph. It would indeed be a constant and relentless challenge to not go into the pressure of the clock.
It is true that the old way Nicole shared of living is considered normal and in some ways championed. Society’s measure of “success” is a little warped and has some serious flaws.
Beautifully said Alex. If we are with ourselves it does not matter what we are doing. Whether I am in the office, doing the dishes, reading with my son, all of it is life and all of it can be with me.
When we try to box our lives we are living in fragments. The more I see and live my life as one – that all of it is life no matter where or what I am doing, the more my life flows with ease.
There are so many points you raise in your blog Nicole. A biggie for many I feel is the expectations we put on ourselves – for whatever reasons, whether that be recognition, having to be perfect, etc, they all have the effect of exhausting us, and if we don’t listen to our bodies, we end up with illness and disease.
It is so very inspiring to read how far you have come, and the loving choices you have made to now live a life full of love, joy and vitality.
That’s so true when I really think about it Sarah and without even realising it at times. I am going to pay more attention to starting each day without adding expectations.
Yes that is so true, so glad I read your comments, it really is a burden on yourself and your day to have expectations of how it should roll. If we just focus on the quality of our bodies as we go about our day the rest is taken care of, and we sleep super well Amina!
Yes, Paula, the expectations that we put on ourselves is one of the big problems we face. We THINK we have to be perfect, THINK we have to please others, it is time that we get out of the thinking, and listen to what our bodies are telling us. Yes, there is a lot of pressure in many workplaces, but sometimes there are different ways of doing things if we just connect to ourselves and work from that point. That way, maybe we can create some space that allows all to be achieved that needs to be done, but without all the effort and angst. While we work under such pressure, then yes, we become exhausted and we end up with illness and disease, meaning time off work then. That is not good for the business because of the increased absenteeism now due to the way people are working.
I used to think that asking for help was a weakness. I wanted to show I was capable of doing it all, but that drive took its toll on my body and my emotions. Being able to ask for help, or simply accept it when offered has made a big difference in my life and has enabled me to feel closer to others instead of being stoic and keeping myself separate.
Your blog took me back to a few years ago when I would not stop to eat. I would eat in the car between jobs, juggling my food on my lap having set myself a schedule that didn’t allow for me to stop. This is an example of how I lived throughout the day – needless to say I was exhausted. Yet I did not allow myself to feel this exhaustion and I just pushed on through. These days I stop to eat, take breaks and even naps during the day when I am tired. I sometimes give myself a hard time for being tired and have expectations that I shouldn’t be, but what I do appreciate is that I no longer fight or ignore how I feel.
Amazing sharing Nikki, it just goes to show if we take a step back and look at human behaviour, it is quite bizarre and chaotic. What you have shared makes no sense at all to me. We live this way and then wonder why we get ill?
Harry it feels very arrogant of us to disregard what our body is calling for because we know we can push the boundaries of what is acceptable for it.
However with the rates of illness on the planet sky rocketing it is a blessing that Universal Medicine is teaching us that there is a more loving, effective and efficient way to conduct our affairs to build healthier, graceful and joy-full lives.
Yes, this is crazy. It seems the not stopping is part of work and I’ve often felt invited to feel guilty for taking my lunch hours when I do. Often people eat in front of the computer as they work, including myself some days. People leave or get sick and the strain is felt by everyone left. I’m now building a walk before and after work and a lunch time one too especially when my day is all day at a computer and my legs like to stretch. So I don’t rush between appointments I build in realistic drive times. Trying to get somewhere faster than is possible is crazy.
Expecting to do everything faster than is possible for me is also crazy, so why set myself up to be stressed in this way?! Is it me not wanting to be self-caring at work so I fit in and people like me? Am I scared of being attacked for looking after my well-being?! Surely if I look after myself then this gives others permission to too.
Yes, so true Johanna – even today staff members I work with in the hospital setting hold off going to the toilet until desperate because of the need to do for others first. I too used to be like this, but I am more aware of my body’s needs, and recognising that by taking more care of my body I am able to attend to others without becoming exhausted, overwhelmed or resentful.
I know this too, to be tired and there is a long list of have to do’s. I realized sometimes I do not need only a rest, I need a walk or go for a swim just to bring my body into another configuration because I have pushed through already before I got tired.
An alarming picture Johanna: it’s vitally important for teachers, nurses and carers to stop, eat and replenish their body as this affects the quality of care, attention and learning given to students, patients and clients. We all have a responsibility in our work to reflect to others our light, energy and well-being, not ‘overwhelm and burn out’.
So true Kristy, we can be our worst enemy in this way, goading ourselves onwards when in fact the real work of the day is to rest, allowing our body to stock up, replenish and prepare for the next round, so to speak. If we don’t allow our selves the grace to repair and re-charge when our body is asking for it, then we give our selves no other option but to get sick.
Johanna I’ve noticed a growing trend in organisations, the removal of cafeterias and canteens altogether and in new developments the design of tiny lunch rooms and tiny tables that discourage people from sitting too long or communicating with others. Often those that do eat, end up eating at work-stations, are often not really taking a break and may even continue working. Today there is often no ‘stop.’ button. The well-being of the body is forgotten and this is fuelling the rise in exhaustion, illness disease. Twenty years ago,lunch-time used to include, lunch, a walk outside, maybe sit on a park bench, time to socialise with colleagues, this is fast disappearing.
I still struggle with the thought I have to be working or sleeping with nothing in between, and am still getting used to the idea that I can be resting just sitting down enjoying a cup of tea or just sit and be with myself without planning my next task in my head.
What you share here nikkimckee is very common in the workplace. I get a 45 minute lunch break, but is sometimes gets reduced to about 20 minutes after I have tended to work issues. Then I end up eating my food in a hurry. I am so used to rushing my food that I now have to make a conscious effort to eat more slowly.
I can relate to this too Kristy. I’m always focused on all the things I have to do. Its as if I dont expect that my body will get tired, so it always surprises me and I feel there must be something wrong. No, there is nothing wrong, I am just tired and need to rest. Its taken me a while to accept that.
It does seem bizarre that we get so caught up in the doing of work that even stopping to go to the toilet or eating is being neglected.
That feels like a big key to making lasting lifestyle changes, choosing to no longer ignore your bodies signs or fight how you feel. When we can become our own best friend and best parent, choosing to nurture the hurt little child within, with love, appreciation and understanding, our life can begin to be more simple, graceful and flowing.
lt feels way out of balance to offer another something we haven’t got ourselves. If it was an object and we offered it but couldn’t deliver, we would be caught out. However, because it is energy and a service we offer from the quality of our energy, we seem to think it is not important to consider what quality of energy we bring. This is were we are accountable for looking after ourselves first. As Einstein said ‘Everything is energy’ and Serge Benhayon expanded on, ‘Everything is because of energy’. Everything.
The points you make johanna08smith and the comments that have followed have made me aware of how things have changed with regard to having stop moments in the working day. As kehinde2012 pointed out, lunch used to include a time away from your desk and definitely a walk outside. Now, no one leaves the building and eats hurriedly, if at all, while still working at their desks. Lunch breaks have also been reduced to 40 minutes in some organisations, and I know in some schools its only half an hour.
What you describe is very common, where sleep and food and rest drop to the bottom of the list in life
I agree Johanna, our priorities are totally out of whack
A great point you bring up, Johanna how you see people not stopping to go to the toilet. When I look back, I can remember that sometimes in infants and primary school, the teachers would not let children go to the toilet when they needed to and made a fuss about it, telling them to wait until morning tea or lunch time, so some children may develop the habit of holding on at that early age. This could really affect shy, nervous children who do not want to stand out in the classroom.
It is so sad that nowadays people do not have time to have a true lunch time, time to do all the little extra things that need to be done for personal reasons. I remember a long time back now, when I was in my first job in Sydney, we had an hour for lunch. It was long prior to the modern computer and mobile phone thank goodness. I would take my lunch to the local park, or down by the harbour, sit and have my lunch and take a walk along the harbourside walkway, or otherwise down into town to do a tiny bit of shopping, to save me trying to do that after work on my way home. It is no wonder the shops are open until so late now, people don’t have time off their jobs to do it during the day. It was also a time that one could meet up with a friend for lunch, a great time to have a little socialising. It would seem that there is no longer any me time in the so-called almost non-existent lunch time nowadays. It is not healthy for us to be living in such pressure as we do now.
I work in a school and at times have found myself feeling apologetic for needing the toilet! Which seems crazy that I am apologising for caring for myself. I have experienced that if one person is not doing something i.e. having their proper lunch break then it is expected this is ok for everyone. At times like this it is important to have our own foundation of self care so as not to feel pulled to follow. Knowing I am worthy of the care I give myself is what keeps these choices steady.
So true Johanna. It’s even celebrated in nursing as a bit of a superhero ability. “cast-iron bladder”. Unfortunately the so called cast iron bladder leads to many ongoing problems. I actually tell patient’s I needed to go to the toilet. This supports me to go when I need and helps break that consciousness that everyone else comes first when you are in a caring role.
In my workplace, many people sit and eat their lunch hunched over their desk as they work because they are so busy. I notice that most of them are reaching for coffee, coke or sweets by mid-afternoon to keep going until knock off time. There is so much that contributes to how we feel during our working day, and I know if I’m looking after my body by how I sit at my desk, stop and eat lunch, go for a short walk, etc, I don’t feel exhausted like I used to when I was always rushing everywhere and not stopping to take a break.
I agree nikkimckee – taking a short break is an investment in ourselves. If I need a short nap or a walk at lunchtime, I come back feeling refreshed.
It is awesome to hear that we have choices. That life does not have to be a continuum of rush, overwhelm and stress. That there is another way.
This comment also stood out for me Judith, and I have experienced a similar improvement in my well-being because I am no longer putting myself under this self-imposed pressure.
Great call Rachel…’what is actually exhausting us?’ When we have the awareness of prana and fire as you have explained – “prana is a force, fire is a surrender” then it is a no brainer as to how we become exhausted!
I agree Chan and Jade. My experience has been that my expectations have caused me great stress. I almost set myself up to fail when I have a set picture of how I think things should turn out. They never do. Being open to what life may bring and having an inner steadiness is now what really works for me. Building a loving foundation through simple self-caring choices is what has brought this steadiness.
Thank you, Nicole, there’s a lot to read and re-read in this. I love that you are able to be the same at work and at home, after all, we are one person, just moving from one place to another – why should we change? I also like the point you made: ‘ I’ve found I’m no longer trying to move forward from and in the chaos, but that I can choose to move forward from the stillness within myself’. This is important – sometimes we drive onwards even though we know we need to stop and reassess where we are.
Love this line Janet…’…bringing love and self care into the equation changes everything’… indeed it does.
Thank you for the inspiration.
I am totally with you on this one kevmchardy. As I am gracefully embracing getting older, so too am I taking care of myself and my body better than ever before. As a result I don’t feel as much stress and have bags more energy and have so much more fun enjoying the simple things in life.
Well said Rachel…it is this constant resistance to our natural innate awareness and way of living, of swimming in the opposite direction to the Universal Order, that is creating an epidemic of exhaustion in society … however … there are very few who are seeing this as stimulants such as coffee, sugar and alcohol override the exhaustion our bodies are showing us. We choose to ignore/deny our bodies messages, and hence the rise in illness and disease continues despite increased medical understanding and treatments than ever before.
Yes, a very needed realisation, we have so much more power when it comes to our body and life than we think and it lies in the everyday choices that we make. Simple and very effective.
It does take one step at a time to let go of the ways of functioning that we have become so accustomed to. Thank you Nicole for sharing how we can turn our life around one step at a time.
Yes, I agree, Judith, for this requires and allows us to see and appreciate each others qualities.
I agree David, my experience can be of total overwhelm at or with work and similar days or work situations I just do ‘singing’. The seemingly small self-caring choices make all the difference.
I love the theme of your blog with the belief that work and home were 2 different things. I used to think that too. I divided my life into parts and thought I had to play a different role in every part. A lot of beliefs and a lot of strain on my body.
Yes to that, Matilda: “we do not have to live as hapless victims of circumstance”. Nicole her blog is the living proof of the effect of making different choices.
I agree lucinda, we cleverly disguise this major responsibility yet it is the one that holds the foundation to all others in our life.
Exactly what I got out of Nicole’s blog, Annelies: “where ever she is the quality she is in stays the same.”
Here, here Steve, I second that. We are walking the future where many will follow.
This is so true Judith, it’s a step towards letting love in and building the love for ourselves.
Yes, the consistency part plays an enormous role that I think we often underestimate.
Hands up who does that?! Me!! And I’m sure many others. This is a really tricky one, to realise that we don’t need to keep changing our hats…we can just be the one person, hat free in every aspect of life. There is so much integrity in that and it’s far less exhausting. I ought to give it more of a go!
Responsibility, a major point worth repeating, as it’s the medicine we all need to take for a healthy, full life.
That’s very true Rosie. Nicole’s commitment to herself is proof that anything is possible, and all without any extreme measures,,,,just a simple return to herself.
Yes I agree Annelies. This evenness in my day and vitality I do not yet feel consistently and so I am very inspired by Nicole’s blog and some wisdom that a friend shared today. With both I can see where I can make changes.
Another strong testament to Universal Medicine and all it presents. We hold the medicine within when we choose to walk with connection, commitment and love. Great Sharing Nicole.
Something to be absolutely inspired by: “As a result, the quality of my life at home and work have become one; I am more approachable, and no longer living my day in complete overwhelm, exhaustion and chaos. I can connect to people without rushing around doing 100 things at once, and am able to be with them and to have true connections instead of the shallow contacts I had in the past.”
Wise words Rachel Andras. How can you love what you do when you simply are not present? Joy is only possible whenever love is present.
‘I find my days at work are no longer draining or exhausting, but are fun and light.’ This is the ultimate if you ask me. Maintaining a lifestyle that enables a quote like this is IT.
Beautifully said Jade and so true. It is through ‘building a loving foundation for ourselves’ that we can be our natural selves where love is the quality that is present in all that we do. It is the consistency of the quality of love we allow to pass through us that gives us the loving flow that feels so natural, as this is our true way.
I have read and seen so many testaments to the fact that people’s lives, health, well-being and relationships have done a 360 complete change from implementing The Ancient Wisdom teachings presented by Serge Benhayon. There is definitely something worth studying here.
It’s worth studying those who are living well – as in what is happening here – they are going against the global trend of illness, disease and misery. Too much focus has been on case studies of those who are ill ( which of course is needed at times, but in all due respect has us going round in circles) – rather than those who are living with absolute true vitality.
Indeed Samantha. Living proof.
Ha ha well said – we’ve all been there, both ways the rush and the stillness that is, it’s way much more joyful and simple when you’re in your body.
That is a good point to consider Annelies. In the past, I can say I was not myself in either environment, always trying to be this or that for someone else and wearing a different hat depending on who I was around probably because I did not appreciate and love who I naturally am.
I can very much relate to what you are saying here Eleanor. I have had a particularly busy couple of weeks at work and have found that my exhaustion levels have been much higher than usual. However I am wondering how much of this was due to the way I approached and got through my days which held dread, overwhelm and overdrive, and how much was actually due to the tasks that needed to be completed. I suspect the former had the largest influence so it was timely to read this blog.
Trying to be all things to all people without considering ourselves in the equation is a sure way to exhaustion and depletion in all areas of life. Thank you for sharing your experience Nicole.
Yes Matilda and I just remembered how I used to think things just happened to me, or I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time but that is purely because I didn’t want to take responsibility for the choices that got me there in the first place. These days I do like to take the wheel and choose my own road ahead.
Nicole’s wisdom is beautiful to witness Ingrid. I really appreciate that she has shared such a significant change in her life. We can read this as a ‘story’ of someone’s life however Nicole has chosen to deepen her responsibility and connection to the truth of who she is and this is monumental and a model for all women.
This is a great point that you have highlighted Rebecca. As when we choose to build a loving connection with ourselves we then become more and more aware when our bodies are being stressed through the way we are living, be it at home or at work. A great indication that we need to stop and reflect on the choices that we are making.
Appreciating my self brings a joy because I have connected with who I am, not what I do! This is the powerful difference that I bring to my work kevmchardy. Feeling younger and less stressed comes from my relationship I am developing with myself. The stress comes from reacting to outside demands and feeling enslaved to them. A delightful awakening!
It is very inspiring Nicole how you have transformed your life. This is a great question – “How could I be one way at home and another way at work?” It is so true, it makes no sense as we are the same person at both places. So why do we need to act differently? There are many ideas and beliefs about what work is, why we should work and how we should be at work such as, what it means to be ‘good’ worker, what it ‘takes’ to be successful at work, how work can offer you a great ‘escape’ from your life, just to name a few. I have worked for many years driven by some and all of these ideals. Mostly always coming home exhausted, at times frustrated also and as such not truly able to be myself anyway when home as I would want to check out in some way to manage how I was feeling. I have discovered that building on my connection to who I already am has supported me to develop my quality of presence at home and at work more confidently. And I continue to do so as I now realise that my quality is present wherever I am whenever I choose to live it.
“I observe myself doing what is needed, stopping when I feel like things are getting chaotic, feeling what is needed and then going forth from there. I’ve found I’m no longer trying to move forward from and in the chaos, but that I can choose to move forward from the stillness within myself” We all know things can get chaotic and how rattled we are when we get caught up in it. We have the option to feel the chaos but remain in stillness; I know which I would prefer. thank you for sharing Nicole.
Your sharing here Nicole reminds me of the power we hold in our own hands about the choices we make. Even if I don’t immediately recognise it as such, I feel the energy that comes from the choices I make and you have simply made choices that support who your naturally are! SO simple and yet I can continue at times to make unwise choices. Any choice to dishonour me is against my nature! Inspiring Thank you!
I can relate to the way you use to work Nicole. As a young hairdresser many moons ago, I also worked with this pressure and seeming lack of time in the hairdressing industry. My days would be fuelled by the buzz of music, coffee and chatter. It was exhausting.
Everything changes when we truly honour and respect ourselves and our bodies and their natural rhythm. It is very inspiring to read how your health changed so remarkably when you were more loving and caring with yourself.
I really enjoyed reading this Nicole, the quality in which it is written emanates with the changes you have made.
Back to basics Rachel! Everything comes back to this truth you have so simply expressed. Unless we get to the ‘root cause’ of our dis-ease, dilemmas and distractions in life – the energy we choose – then nothing will truly change. We just move from place to place ‘hoping’ for a more comfortable position!
Very true rachelandras, if we do accept the fact we are a part of a Universal order and live in rhythm and respect of that order our overall health would change remarkably. It is living against this rhythm that is causing much of our current exhaustion, illness and disease. What is inspiring is when we are willing to investigate and understand what drives us, we can start to make different choices and change what is not supporting us as Nicole’s blog beautifully confirms.
Especially when it really is so very simple.
It is the opposite to what we are taught to believe – that it all goes downhill as we get older.
Through Universal Medicine I have found the opposite to be true. With each day and year comes a greater joy, vitality and beauty that is without limit.
And responsibility at this level sets the foundation of responsibility we bring to everything else.
“To step off the rat wheel, break the momentum of the ‘rat race and drive ‘and come from stillness, is a massive gift to develop within and bring to others.” I love the way you expressed that, Irena, it really explains it so well. How important it is to break that momentum, and learn to live from stillness. Very much a work in progress for me, but I am seeing light at the end now, so worthwhile.
Yes, absolutely. How disempowering and devastating to feel that a life of pain is what we are destined for. I love how Nicole has disassembled this belief and shown what is possible when we take greater responsibility for the quality of our choices.
True Shevon. Anything that is not loving of ourselves is simply not normal – simple.
When we accept a lesser normal than what we deserve, we instantly have illness and disease presenting itself.
Yes, Jade, consistency is really key to living who we are, staying connected to ourselves in all that we do and say, it builds a steadiness within us that feels so beautiful and really very joy-full. I am still very much working on this, but I can feel the difference within, so very worthwhile.
“I began to stop having expectations of how my day should be and in doing so, found that not only did I feel less stressed and exhausted, more was actually achieved (without trying) and completed with clarity and an understanding of others and myself”. That is such an important point you made, Nicole, having expectations of how our day should be is something that really caught me out too. I tend to try to plan my day, sometimes even writing down the things that I need to do in the day. But of course, unexpected things always interfere, and I used to get upset that I had not done what was planned. I am gradually learning to let go of that great need to achieve what was planned, have a broad outline of what is most important to do, and let the day flow much more than it used to do. Still very much a work in progress, but I can feel that is the way to go for me.
A great example Nicole that it doesn’t matter what we do, but it is the quality in which we do it in that makes all of the difference. Around 6 years ago, before I came to Universal Medicine I was very close to giving up my profession because I felt bored by it and felt like I was just doing the same thing over and over again. I remember hearing an Esoteric Medicine lecture by Serge Benhayon where he shared that how you feel about your work will change when you are being the ‘real you’ in what it is that you do. I took that on board and put it to the test and low and behold, he was right. How I now feel about my work is completely different and I love it because I bring all of me to it.
Interesting point Angela! “there were no lines between business and home for me – the same stress, pressure, tension, resentment and never ever being able to feel I’d done enough” The way we are at work can be carried into our homes, if we do not deal with the reactions and energy that was running the day. Most of us would say we want a home to be about love, and it be a steady foundation for developing our lives in all areas, but mostly people seek comfort in their homes and don’t deal with things in their life that are causing tension.
Yes, living with a level of responsibility is serving not only ourselves but all others as well.
I too, Annelies, have come to realise that I need to bring more consistency to my life in respect of always putting myself first. I have recently realised that I have had a pattern for most of my life, where I have put others before me, to the detriment of my health. I have always felt a responsibility to look after the needs of others, supporting them etc., and then find that I do not have the time to always have my walk, or do other little things that support my body. This feels like a very old pattern in my body when I feel into it, largely a result of my upbringing, where women were regarded as being the ones who had to put others before themselves. I can feel the big difference when I make this choice for myself, it does not take anything away from how I am with others, but actually I now feel is better for them as well as me, others get the benefit of a much more joy-full friend and colleague, and are then beginning to take more responsibility for themselves.
I agree Samantha, when I began seeing my life as one, things began to change. I realised I cannot be one way at home without it affecting how I am at work; even if you try and fake it, the energy of how you have chosen to live is with you. To be in a consistent way throughout all areas of my life is another level of responsibility that has brought me much joy.
Yes, it is so great to know we have the power to change our lives and can continue to deepen this on a daily basis.
I agree Rachel, the way that Nicole describes her experience is very relatable and something that anyone could apply to their own lives if they chose to.
Hi Nicole, what you share here is we really have the power to change our lives if we just start making different choices – it really is how we are moment to moment, from being with ourselves and the quality in which we hold ourselves that makes all the difference. And from that point our lives can truly change.
“As a result, the quality of my life at home and work have become one; I am more approachable, and no longer living my day in complete overwhelm, exhaustion and chaos.” Thanks for sharing Nicole, these types of things in our day are very common! It is commonly believed that work is meant to be stressful and that it causes chaos. It’s great to know you have a different experience!
Thank you for sharing the story of the past few years of your life, Nicole, what an amazing story it is. You have shown how it is possible to make a complete change to your life, from a point of having enormous pain from fibromyalgia to the amazing life that you now live, free of pain and such a loving, joyful life both at home and at work. You took responsibility for yourself, with the help of Serge Benhayon, and began to really look after and nurture yourself, when you made time in your life to make that commitment. Such an inspiring story, and that sort of result is open to us all, when we begin to commit to taking true care of ourselves. And of course from that, we can inspire others to see that they can also change their lives around.
Very true Emma and imagine how many zillions our global bankrupt health systems could save if people stopped abusing themselves and started living loving and healthy lives.
Transforming our quality of life, health and the global health care systems is already a ginormous benefit of such a simple way of life but it does not stop there. To live in this way would change EVERYTHING and everyone. For example, it would massively improve productivity at work, reduce sickness days and lead to greater harmony. Again you have to wonder why we don’t live this way in the first place and why the value and importance of self-care, awareness and love is not one of the first things we learn at school!
It seems so obvious that if we don’t care for and love ourselves we can’t care for and love others because we don’t have that foundation or energy developed and lived within ourselves to offer others, and yet this simple truth of life is not our common way. Serge Benhayon has presented so many revelatory and life changing simple truths to us such that you have to wonder why is everyone not living like this when it so clearly makes sense and leads to an infinitely healthier, productive and more joyful life!
Well said Matilda that is very true. What I have experienced through meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine has been incredibly liberating, empowering and joyful – it has given me back my life.
Yes I agree Christoph and Nicole, I live my life as one 24/7 without this distinction of work, holiday, family or whatever – it is all simply me being me doing whatever is needed or resting if that is what is needed. It is a very purposeful and joyful way to live.
Nicole, it is quite extraordinary to consider just how much your life changed because you met Serge Benhayon. It is the same for me. Where I am today is the direct opposite to when I was at when I met Serge Benhayon. It just goes to show how much what he presents works.
There are many people who would say the same thing, including me. Collectively these stories are a body of evidence that shows that what Serge Benhayon presents really does work and may just hold the answers to life’s great dilemmas.
I was reflecting last night on exactly this. I had the most glorious revelation of God in a life and death situation that has transformed that experience for me and others involved. I can see how this is not just a flash of inspiration, but something that has built in me through the years of study with Serge Benhayon and through his lived example. I have an enormous appreciation for his work.
What stood out in your blog is that the way we work can result in illness and disease. This is huge! Like working with stress and tension and/or totally loosing the sense of who we are in the day can result in the illnesses you described in your blog. Often people say that you get those illnesses from the job but could it be that it is the way we are in the job that really causes these illnesses and diseases?
Yes and that is the most beautiful way to live. In the past I did consider work a place where I could not be myself. By bringing in presence and reflection as Nicole did so beautifully, it is possible to change this and bring a quality that is supporting us that is the same to our home and work.