I have worked as a hairdresser for most of my life, a role I found to be always busy and in high demand, and one where I placed extreme expectations on myself. Not only did I do this in the workplace but also at home, even though at the time I believed that for me work and home were two separate things.
I found hairdressing a job that was run by the clock; a clock that made me feel like I never had enough time to get done what was needed, let alone time for myself to stop, eat or re-assess the day.
My experience of work was:
- Being the one everyone else relied on, the one that could do it all
- Placing huge amounts of pressure on myself to perform
- Often disliking my work due to pressures I had placed on myself
- Rarely able to achieve or fulfil what I thought was needed during the day
- Overwhelm (before my day even started, it often felt like one big spin)
- Unrealistic expectations, creating a stress-full environment for all concerned.
Over time, my body started to develop illness and disease, such as back and hip pain from being on my feet for long periods, shoulder problems from repetitive motions, not to mention digestive issues due to the lack of time I allowed myself to stop and eat. I was then diagnosed with fibromyalgia, an illness that rendered me unable to work. I was in constant pain, with aches in most of my joints and a body that was exhausted from even the simplest of chores.
Eventually I realised that I could no longer continue with the way I was working as a hairdresser or living in general, (or, should I say ‘existing’, at home and at work), watching my life disappear in front of my very own eyes.
I was told by the medical profession to adjust my lifestyle accordingly. I was sent to pain management clinics to learn how to manage the pain and symptoms, and started taking medications. I also started doing gentle stretches and walking to try and help reduce the inflammation and keep my joints mobile.
Although I could feel there had to be a way to make other choices that would give me a life and not an existence, at the same time I began to think there would never be a solution, or an end to what was slowly becoming worse.
Introduced to Serge Benhayon – Time to Get Serious about My Choices and My Commitment
Then one day an old client gave me the card of a practitioner by the name of Serge Benhayon: my first thought was, he must be just another hippy dude in Byron with spiritual jargon. However, my life was dismal; I was 28 and living in my mother’s garage… so I had nothing to lose.
Serge Benhayon certainly was not your average Joe, and he certainly was not full of hippy jargon; he wore shorts and a t-shirt and didn’t smell like he needed a shower or had fallen into a Patchouli bottle. He didn’t try to sell himself or anything else, he simply listened, observed and did some hands on esoteric healing. It was simple, but the most powerful thing I had ever experienced, and what I could feel was just about to change my entire life and wellbeing. This led to becoming aware of choices that I had made and I was now able to feel why it was that I had got to this point in the first place.
I was no longer seeking a solution, or looking for a band-aid that would best fit. It was time to get serious, to get to the nitty gritty of everything I had buried over the years that I did not want to feel or express, and let me tell you there was plenty.
I began packing food for work, having breaks when needed, going to the toilet when I needed to instead of ‘hanging out’, observing how I was standing while doing a client’s hair, having short walks before and after work, and taking the time to feel my body. I began feeling how I was before I started work and how I was when I finished; it was this quality that I took from home to work or from work to home, until being at work and being at home became the same quality.
At work I began to accept I didn’t have to know or do it all; that everyone had something to offer and when we all worked together everything that was needed would be achieved. Some of us were great with customers and others were great with marketing; both were equally needed in order to support the business depending on the skills we had to offer at that time. It was here that I began to ask for help, to admit when I did not know something and to accept that there may be days where not everything I wanted to do would be completed.
These were big steps for me; letting go of old patterns and behaviours and ways of doing things, breaking the mould so to speak, was work in itself. I began to stop having expectations of how my day should be and in doing so, found that not only did I feel less stressed and exhausted, more was actually achieved (without trying) and completed with clarity and an understanding of others and myself.
It is through making the commitment to love and care for myself, and allowing myself to feel the hurts of the past that I had buried, that have led me to live the life I have now; without the symptoms of fibromyalgia, doing more now in a day than ever without getting tired, fatigued or exhausted, and with a body that is now truly vital and alive, and with eyes that glow and skin that shines.
Now working as a hairdresser and living in a way that is open to what is needed, I am allowing myself to do what is needed when it is needed. I am naturally getting more done and am now able to support my colleagues and family in a way that I wasn’t able to before. I find my days at work are no longer draining or exhausting, but are fun and light.
Observing the way I was at work also allowed me to see how I was at home, and I began to ask myself “How could I be one way at home and another way at work?” It made no sense. I realised that making changes with the way I was at home and the quality of my self-care helped me with how I was at work, and vice versa.
As a result, the quality of my life at home and work have become one; I am more approachable, and no longer living my day in complete overwhelm, exhaustion and chaos. I can connect to people without rushing around doing 100 things at once, and am able to be with them and to have true connections instead of the shallow contacts I had in the past.
When I watch myself now, I observe myself doing what is needed, stopping when I feel like things are getting chaotic, feeling what is needed and then going forth from there. I’ve found I’m no longer trying to move forward from and in the chaos, but that I can choose to move forward from the stillness within myself – the stillness that I reconnected to by healing my hurts and letting go of the expectations I had of how I should live my life.
Having developed a quality and foundation of self-care which is always deepening, I now have a foundation for me that enables me to be me, no matter where I am or what I am doing.
Inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, for without their inspiration and ongoing support none of this would be possible.
By Nicole Serafin, Woman, Wife, Mother, Hairdresser, Tintenbar NSW
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883 thoughts on “No Longer Living with the Expectations, Stress & ‘Doing’ of Working as a Hairdresser”
“the quality of my life at home and work have become one” the essential work/life balance is when they become equal and at-one.
I loved this statement, ‘I began to stop having expectations of how my day should be and in doing so, found that not only did I feel less stressed and exhausted, more was actually achieved (with out trying)’. This statement is quite powerful in that it is what we often go to with overwhelm and I actually understand that this is what I go to from time to time.
Even though it is far from perfect, I’m learning to introduce no expectations more and more and it seems, the process becomes refined more and more. Then we are less stressed and exhausted. So once we have mastered one thing, we are offered another without it coming across as though it is daunting process.
I can’t wait to let go of more expectations and work in such a way that I m not constrained by time.
Beautiful to read how you now have a forever deepening foundation of self care, ‘Having developed a quality and foundation of self-care which is always deepening, I now have a foundation for me that enables me to be me, no matter where I am or what I am doing.’
The only hippy part of Serge is when we go hip-hip-hoary for Serge Benhayon.
Greg, your comment made me smile. Many of us who have met Serge Benhayon feel this way as our lives have changed for the better. So I celebrate with you too.
Absoulutely 👋 hips hold those ways or beliefs that ✋ stop any true celebration.
The traps you have talked about, the self imposed pressures, the neglect of self etc etc, are all factors I too can relate to Nicole and I am sure many other women and men can relate to this too. To say this out loud and admit it is one part of the healing, and then to make the choices to look after ourselves and truly support ourselves on a consistent level is the next part of the healing. One cannot be without the other.
Nicole, this is a big turn around! It is a beautiful example of what can truly be done despite any condition or diagnosis and that the choices we make on a daily basis are indeed having many impacts in our life. Thank you for your sharing.
Being aware of how the choices you had made were not supportive is the first step in making new choices, ‘This led to becoming aware of choices that I had made and I was now able to feel why it was that I had got to this point in the first place.’
Yes and it takes a commitment to feel that by changing our movements and building consistency. It is a very personal relationship and the fury comes when we realise we are the ones who do not feel we are worth the investment, not that anyone else doesn’t feel we are worth it.
To consider the pain you were in to how you are now, we should be studying you! Living two lives, being sucked into the illusion of time and the trap of chasing it, trying to do it all, it all creates a world that does not have space for contemplation so it feels like a trap we can never get out of. Pain sometimes offers us a moment of pause so we can re-consider our personal choices and bring more attention to the smallest movements, the smallest detail and know we are worth that level of attention.
We are buried neck deep in our issues, ideals, beliefs and pictures on how we are told life should be, but we all know that the model isn’t working no matter how much we have tried to fix it. So what would happen if we were encouraged from children to build a foundation of self care and self love I wonder what society would look and be like?
The way we are living is harsh on ourselves, that’s why we are so unwell, the problem is we see illness as random and life this way as normal. The power is with us though, we can create health issues or good health by listening to and honouring our bodies.
Bringing in more caring and nurturing is a great beginning, ‘I began packing food for work, having breaks when needed, going to the toilet when I needed to instead of ‘hanging out’, observing how I was standing while doing a client’s hair, having short walks before and after work, and taking the time to feel my body.’
When you meet Serge Benhayon one can not stop and reflect the choices they have made as his great light offers us through reflection a way to truly change.
Feels very inspiring to see someone like Serge Benhayon who is not selling anything. There is no any pose of guru or trying to convince anyone…just being and expressing the Truth in the simplest way I could ever seen. I appreciate very much having his reflection in my life.
Yes, it is for us to choose for ourselves, there is no need or pull from him. It is so alien to the way we are sold in marketing and have come to consider normal in life that we question its simplicity! Bonkers!!!
Yes, Serge Benhayon keeps it simple, he lives and reflects a loving way of living.
‘I find my days at work are no longer draining or exhausting, but are fun and light.’ Living in a world where many people seems to be anxious, stressed and bored and being able to say that is a true success.
It’s very beautiful to read such a life-changing experience. Nicole the step you made in accepting that you needed support was very accurate and very responsible. You makes me see that true responsibility is not about doing or ticking the boxes, not about completing tasks…but bringing in to our everyday life the quality you talked about, which starts by living a deeper connection with ourselves. Thanks for sharing
Letting support in is a beautiful change! Many people think they have to do it alone and that it equals strength, or perhaps they feel they aren’t worth being cared for and loved, but being vulnerable and letting others support us is very beautiful. It took me some time to allow this for myself, but now my life is much richer, and I can see how much learning and enjoyment there is for everyone when we allow others to support us.
The quality we live with is super important at all times, ‘I began feeling how I was before I started work and how I was when I finished; it was this quality that I took from home to work or from work to home, until being at work and being at home became the same quality.’
When we let go of expectations our life changes for the better and so does the life of everyone around us.!
This is great – because it’s not that we need to remove ourselves from the craziness or the business of everyday life – we simply need to find a different way to lead our lives within that.
Serge Benhayon is an inspiration in supporting anyone to observe how they are choosing to live and the consequences that are revealed in the body.
It is truly powerful what can be achieved when we take responsibility for ourselves and get honest about the way that we are living.
When we build a solid foundation of self-care and self-love we bring a quality to our work and home life that is deeply healing and supportive for all.
What a difference commitment makes and taking full responsibility on what your here to bring. . .
Subscribing to lies is bad for our health. Time must be one of the biggest ones. We’re run by this illusion we are getting somewhere on a linear line and conveniently forget that life is about space and expansion.
The more we learn that life is not about doing things per sec but about the quality in which we do things the more we will realise that the constant doing is damaging our body. There is a way to do things that can support our body and we learn this by listening to our body.
“This led to becoming aware of choices that I had made and I was now able to feel why it was that I had got to this point in the first place.” Becoming aware of our choices and why we make them is hugely empowering and healing.
Learning to move without having us in mind is a self-harming way; the assured way to create on our own a life of misery.
“…… the quality of my life at home and work have become one ……..” to have no difference between home and work, just one flow that ever deepens and expands in joy.
“Having developed a quality and foundation of self-care which is always deepening, I now have a foundation for me that enables me to be me, no matter where I am or what I am doing” – this is a great reminder that life is one big package and no one part is separate from others. We often look at an area of life where we think we have a problem and try finding a solution, but my experience is that how I am in a certain area of my life is because of the way I am in the other part of life.
It’s truly an amazing recovery, with the high rates of illness and disease worldwide we have to ask how much of this is lifestyle related, even conditions not considered so? The stress we are placing our bodies under is huge but it’s in part hidden by the fact we currently call such pressures normal life.
A beautiful description how we can be very, very capable but use that capability to harm ourselves, something I have seen many of us do.
How common is it to not go to the toilet when needed? This is a very abusive behaviour to our bladder. It’s almost as if we say “you’re not worthy of my attention until it’s so painful that I can’t hold it”!
“This led to becoming aware of choices that I had made and I was now able to feel why it was that I had got to this point in the first place.”- This is a fascinating sentence Nicole in that it shows how we can go about life on a kind of auto pilot without really ever realising that all our choices and actions have lead to the current state of affairs we find ourselves in, and most times nothing changes until we experience an illness or disease condition that forces us to look for the truth. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine certainly provide all the truth necessary to help bring us back to living with true vitality as you have demonstrated amazingly here, Nicole.
Your experience is testament to the unquestionable power of self-care as a way to heal ourselves, and that each choice to self-care counts. I imagine that people who met you back then and see you now will find the change hard to believe.