As long as I can remember I have always been a clock-watcher, constantly checking the time or racing with it, my wristwatch firmly placed on my bedside table and an alarm clock ready to start my day. This was my safety net that I thought would give me a good night’s sleep, but often left me worrying whether I would get up on time or get to work on time.
I would often feel like I never had enough time to get everything done in the day and was clock watching at every opportunity. To others I was known as the punctual, hardworking and reliable one that could be counted on to get to work on time. I was prepared and would wait ahead of time for others. As a result, I often found it hard to unwind at the end of the day and this would lead to my collapsing into bed feeling exhausted.
This merry-go-round continued for a great part of my adult life and left me feeling a constant nervous tension in my body of where to be next. I was under the impression that this was the way life was and that I just had to keep my head down and keep going. The results were leaving the feelings of stress and exhaustion that were taking their toll on my body.
The race with time was evident in the quality of my interactions with others. They were fleeting exchanges rather than moments of quality connection, as I was constantly thinking of what needed to be done next and never enjoying the moment.
As Serge presented, there was a key sentence that stood out for me that I began to understand not only in my head, but it also made sense in my body…
I discovered that I was racing with time rather than being with time.
This sounded a bit odd at first and it took me a few days to get my head around this thought. How could I be racing with time when the clock was controlling how long I had to get from A to B?
Was it possible that I was controlling and rushing the time rather than staying with time?
After a few days of experimenting I came to the realisation that time stayed the same and I was the one pushing and driving all the tension. A big ‘ouch’ and that ‘I get it’ light bulb moment rang true.
As a practical person I decided to put this key sentence into action and started to use a clock or watch to . . .
. . . read the time rather than worrying about staying on time.
At first it took a while as I was so driven by a fast pace of living that would see me filling in more ‘things to do lists’ when I noticed I had more time up my sleeve. I could feel that I still had a need to be ‘doing stuff’ in this extra time rather than connecting to the opportunity that became available for me to appreciate and confirm that I was starting to feel an ease in my body that I never felt before. I could feel what was true in my body but the levels of drive and momentum I had built up over my life were still very strong and overrode my ability to stay settled. I was looking for a way to find a marker that felt true in my body. My only experience that connected me to this was an Esoteric Connective Tissue Therapy session I had a few months prior.
The decision to delve deeper into understanding what I was resisting led to regular sessions of this modality with a local practitioner. I was able to feel the natural pace in which my body moved. There was an ease that didn’t have me rushing ahead but still felt that I was moving with the movements that supported me to work with vitality and a steady flow.
After a number of weeks I had noticed gradual changes in how I was working. These included:
- Less tension in my body and trusting that the pace I was working with supported me and was within time
- Letting go of the alarm clock and working on a nightly routine where I made sure I wound down before placing myself in bed
- Ability to work longer periods of time without feeling exhausted
- Appreciating the changes daily that build a foundational support level to connect to.
A year later, I have started to truly feel what my priorities are in each day. My day starts with a connection to me first and then where I need to go next to support others. The tension in my body has led to physical changes where I am more settled in my walk and have an increased sense of self-certainty. Physical changes have occurred in my face, arms and legs due to the release of tension, and the clock is just that – a clock that tells the time – nothing more!
I am deeply thankful to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for offering the opportunity to truly understand my relationship with time and the support that is provided by the Esoteric Connective Tissue Therapy modality. What was offered was paramount in supporting me to return to my natural rhythm that funnily enough has nothing to do with time! I am now living my life, rather than rushing through life, and I can feel that my body thanks me each and every day.