Could it be that we have parts of our body that we have not fully claimed or loved? And if so, how does this affect us either consciously or subconsciously? This was something I clearly felt during my routine one morning regarding one of my fingers, whilst feeling what rings to wear and what fingers to put them on: that on some level, energetically, I felt a finger was not mine! Confused? I will explain.
I love wearing rings on my fingers, but it was only the other day that something was revealed to me that I was not fully conscious of.
While putting my rings on in the morning before leaving the house, I had a feeling to put one on a finger I never have rings on, but hesitated and felt I couldn’t. The finger I am talking about is the finger a woman puts a ring on either when engaged or married: on the left hand next to the little finger.
I remember years ago when growing up being told never to put a ring on that finger because that was only for when I was married. I took this belief on and did not question it, although in my teens I remembered rebelling and putting a ring on it a few times, but even when doing this it was not out of love for myself and my body or about my claiming a part of my body, it was about rebelling against what someone had told me not to do, with an undertone of feeling that I had done something naughty … even though it was my finger and my body!!
On this particular morning though, I could feel that no matter how small it was, on some level I had carried this belief right up until now; it wasn’t even to do with putting a ring on my finger, it was bigger than that. It was the fact that on some level one of my fingers felt that it didn’t belong to me, that I could not claim it and it was there for someone else to claim, and this shocked me. It made me wonder what other parts of my body did I not feel belonged to me as being fully claimed and loved. What other comments had I taken on throughout my life on some level, even subliminally, which still to this day affect my relationship with myself, myself as a woman, and my body?!
I could also feel the insidiousness of the belief I had carried since being young that until I met someone, got married and had a ring on that finger, I was not complete! This also made me wonder how many other woman (or men) around the world feel parts of their body do not completely belong to them or that they have truly and fully claimed with love.
How many of us do not like a certain body part – a bottom, knees, elbows etc – and that in doing this, whether subconsciously or consciously, we are dismissing or disowning a part of ourselves? Is it not time we not only honoured, claimed and loved every single inch of our bodies, but also gave all young women and young men the space do to this for themselves as well?
By Vicky Cooke
Further Reading:
Body Image: A New Way to Look at A Growing Issue
Are We Building Our Body Image, or, Is Our Image Building Our Body?
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
Connecting to God in every detail including the ring finger opens our heart to greater wisdom.
All our fingers do belong to us, ring finger included, and it is about knowing this and not letting any ideals or beliefs govern how we are with our fingers and the rest of our body for that matter. There are many beliefs in this world and many of them are not based on common sense nor a loving care – it is a particularly interesting area to explore.
Thank you Vicky – I had not stopped to consider what you have presented about the ring finger as ‘needing to be saved’ for only a wedding ring, but now that you mention it, I too recall at a younger age that it was a form of taboo to put a ring on that finger unless one was married. One day in my teens in the privacy of my own room I recall putting a ring on that finger for a short while to feel what that felt like (thinking that it would feel very special to have it there) – of course there was nothing that different of a feeling compared to the other fingers, but there was the symbolism of a wedding ring aspect that I was excited about feeling but I knew to not wear this in the day to not get unnecessary or critical comments from anyone else.
Amazing what one finger can teach us!
When ever we consider a part of us being any lesser than, then are we not indulging in being less than a Son of God? And thus are living in contraction to our divine essences, inner-most heart or Soul (all one and the same), so considering what we are thinking is always important for our evolution.
Thank you Vicky, it’s very supportive to consider our bodies as our own and offer unconditional love to ourselves. There are so many images of bodies and how they’re supposed to look, and beliefs about parts of our bodies, we can let it all go and return to loving ourselves. I’m going to do an inventory of my body because even just checking in on my feet I can feel a belief there that says they’re too big. My feet actually feel beautifully sized for my body.
How gorgeous it feels when we reclaim our bodies, appreciating every part and tenderly loving all of us.
I too have chosen to wear a ring on my “married finger” to remind me that it is about marrying myself first and foremost, that is committing to have a true relationship with myself.
Absolutely Elizabeth, and may I add, that it can also remind us of our marriage to heaven.
Beautifully said Elizabeth – a confirmation of the sacredness of our relationship with ourselves and our essence and a commitment to life and all that is on offer.
That is very beautiful Elizabeth.
Yes, actually the resistance to something speaks loudly if we are prepared to listen.
I have loved playing with rings on my fingers but agree, the 3rd finger on my left hand was one I only used to send a very specific message – I was off limits! Interesting for me to consider that now…
It is great to become very aware of every little part of our body. It is in fact very wise to because whilst there are parts we are not aware of in full there are parts that also hold onto energies and ways of being that keep us from being in the full power of who we truly are.
I could feel as I read your blog Vicky that the third finger on the left hand was reserved for either engagement or wedding rings and this belief was passed down to us from relatives, parents and how people generally spoke about this finger. Wearing a ring on that finger is instantly recognisable to show if you were married or engage, or ‘taken’ a word that I also remember being used. I find it fascinating how many ideals and beliefs gets passed down to us that are actually imposing and controlling and we learn from young and we accept them because this is what we are told and never really ever stop to question them.
Spot on Alison – Beliefs are often imposing and controlling, and if we were to stop and question them, we would realise the non-sense that many of them bring.
We accept the beliefs, the imposing and controlling, or we rebel, ‘it was about rebelling against what someone had told me not to do, with an undertone of feeling that I had done something naughty … even though it was my finger and my body!!’
It’s interesting – when everything is passing through us at all times, we somehow let certain things stick to us, as if there’s some kind of attraction there between that thing and ourselves, forming an identification of some sort, making it even more stickier.
We have segmented life so naturally we are the same way with our body. The more we come back to a unified way the healthier and more vibrant we’ll feel.
Beliefs stop us from doing the most natural things, and as we begin to drop those beliefs we start to live a far more natural way of being and expressing ourselves in our fullness.
Reading this blog has stirred something up in me. Currently, my toddler has hidden my wedding rings, and so I don’t have a ring on that finger and it feels naked. But the same thing – I see it as a ‘wedding finger’ and so I don’t wear any other ring on it, and it shows how we certainly have bought into the culture of that finger identifying our relationship status.
A great blog, thank you for sharing Vicky, it makes me realise how I have reclaimed parts of my body now, that I once had so much judgment about, due to the ideals and beliefs around body image. I am learning to love and appreciate every part of my divine self, with much more tender care.
When I am truly taking care of my body and feel amazing there is not one inch of my body that I cannot love. I have taken on beliefs and ideals and know there are areas of my body that I do not love as much as others but I cannot allow these thoughts to faze me or get in the way when I am honouring and respecting me and my body for who I am in essence.
Rings on our fingers are fun and only take on a particular significance when we choose it.
Absolutely, I have been alternating wearing a ring on on my fingers next to my little finger, sometimes wearing it on the right, at other times on the left.
Re-claiming our body, re-claiming life, re-claiming our divinity. It is all one.
I like what you share here Doug as the wedding ring has a very strong consciousness around it. I used to not feel I would want one, or need one, but now I can feel how beautiful and powerful the symbolism of it is.
Thank you Vicky, there is so much here to be considered around which part of my body I may feel is there for others, and that I may not love or claim as my own. In an appearance driven society where a woman’s body is also often sexualised, there are not many reflections of women who love and adore themselves for themselves – Natalie Benhayon is one such role model though. We have body image ideals, beliefs that women or their bodies are property, or even that our breasts as mothers belong to the children when we breastfeed. It’s an enormous topic worthy of deep consideration, thank you, and it’s an inspiring intention to do so to bring more love and care to our lives and to offer a true reflection to others.
It is an inspiring intention to bring more care and love to ourselves knowing this will be reflected to other women.
So great that you challenged these ideals and beliefs Vicki that entrap so many of us and hold us back from who we truly are.
That societal expectations and judgments make anyone feel less or incomplete because they don’t have a ring on their left ring finger is really a sad indictment on us on a society as a whole and really should be eradicated.
It is sad yet something many of us do without even thinking about it. I have found doing the Esoteric Yoga hugely supportive feeling each part of my body and bringing awareness to it. Not trying to fix anything and then seeing how the area lights up and warms up which shows I was not fully connecting to it before. It is an amazing feeling when I do this as my whole body then comes alive.
Having recommenced Esoteric Yoga again after a long break, I too am loving re-discovering my body and how I feel to another level. I thought I was aware and could feel my body, but the more I do the esoeteric yoga, the more I get to feel more that I did not even realise was there for me to feel. The moment we feel, then that is the moment we can say that we actually are living in our body (as opposed to thinking we are) in deeper and deeper increments.
Recently I became much more aware of my left side and when I did I had pins and needles running down it and it reminded me of what happens with a reperfusion injury when there has been little blood flow to an organ/limb etc and through surgical intervention the blood flow is restored and initially there can be quite a bit of pain as the person gets used to the increased blood flow. That is how it felt to me to connect with the left side of my body.
Vicky, this is a great blog. It can be a shock to suddenly feel how we neglected or ignored or had an idea about a particular body part and it can be an experience of a tremendous liberation of the new freedom that is available through the newly found awareness.
Our combined set of beliefs and ideals is what identifies us in life and they have become so much part of us that it doesn’t even occur to us to question them. Often those that surround us carry a very similar set of beliefs and ideals and so they are simply passed on from one generation to the next. Not until someone invites us to stop and asks questions that are so simple but we never had the space to think of ourselves can we start to challenge the beliefs we hold. In my case it was Serge Benhayon who asked those questions.
It is amazing how something we are told in our early years becomes a firmly held belief that has an influence on all our every day choices without us realising it.
I agree and over the last 15 years I have found many more of those than I thought could be even possible.
I agree Doug, I feel however that the problem is that parents in this case are entrenched in the ideals and beliefs themselves and so we are passing them on and on, generation after generation, every now and then replacing old ones for new ones, but never free of them. The adult generations hold the task to firstly see the fact that we are held by ideals and beliefs and then start to work on discarding their own so the next generation does not get affected by them.
Our beliefs lock us in to a way of being that does not allow us to see beyond the belief. As a result we end up, not understanding what is going on around us because something may not fit into our belief system or we attempt to control everything so we don’t end up questioning if what we believe is true.
Beautifully Said Jennifer… our beliefs do lock us away. They lock our bodies, our expression, and our ability to live with all we are
It’s like we are blinkered when we have beliefs running us.
“How many of us do not like a certain body part – a bottom, knees, elbows etc – and that in doing this, whether subconsciously or consciously, we are dismissing or disowning a part of ourselves?” – Great question and if we are disowning a part of ourselves is it possible that then another energy takes the opportunity to take up residency there instead… One that undermines us feeling our true essence, until such time as we choose instead to claim back the whole of who we are…
Yes Fiona it is very possible!
This is a brilliant example of how ideals and belief are much like a curse, that hold us suspended in time so to speak, so that we do not evolve and as such we devolve as a consequence. Our every particle, every part, or our body serves to guide us with an intelligence that supports our evolution so that who we are, the light of our Soul, can be lived in full. Through embracing, honouring and developing a loving relationship with our body, we discover how every part reflects the truth of who we are, and that it is our right to live the celebration that we are.
Our body is there to support us to connect to the beauty within, even with all of our bodies imperfections. Our body is not there to be judged, bettered, improved on but to be cared for, nurtured and loved so that allows us to connect more deeply within and who we are. Any self-judgment or criticism takes us off track. Its not surprising that being this way is endemic.
The impact of an ideal or picture is big on so many levels and always designed to keep us small and not the divine being we are by nature. Our body holds all the wisdom and is our marker of truth so any part that is not fully claimed by us leaves a door open for another energy than sacredness. Great to seal all doors so we can claim our authority and live in unity with the universe.
It’s awesome to consider that even the finest features of our bodies can carry a significant belief and or picture and that in claiming back the divinity we are from we can heal so much. We are but vehicles that express and so we have the responsibility to fully claim, cherish and value each divine part of the whole and enjoy the process of undoing the what is not to uncover more of who we already are.
When we choose to break from the ideals and beliefs and reflect to others that we are not following the norms it often gives another the permission to ponder and question why they too have not taken the opportunity to let go of such constraints.
Reflecting a way of living opens that way up to another as a possibility.
Taking a moment to see how these beliefs and pictures can still be running us is always a wise choice, ‘What other comments had I taken on throughout my life on some level, even subliminally, which still to this day affect my relationship with myself, myself as a woman, and my body?!’
When I was a teenager going through high school, I did not like my legs. When we sat cross legged in the quadrangle at school, I tried as hard as I could to put my arms across them, or drape my jumper over them. I was ashamed by them because of their size. I felt some sadness writing that as in truth my legs are incredibly awesome and get me from place to place, hold me steady, and provide such a strong foundation. But it took quite a while for that shame to pass, to start connecting to my legs and appreciating them for what they bring and not what I think they should look like. I remember in my 30’s wearing shorts for the first time, and being OK with that. Yes agree VIcky, here’s to loving all of our body and not disconnecting the parts.
And your legs are a part of you, so must be awesome.
A beautiful sharing Sarah, and as a child im sure you never gave a single negative thought to your legs, they were simply part of you. It is not until we focus our attention outward that we get influenced and take on all these pictures that we then compare ourselves to leading to not liking who were are. How beautiful to come back to that childlike way of being where it is not the pictures telling us something about ourselves but the way we feel when we are connected with ourselves.
That is beautiful to hear how you now appreciate your legs Sarah, ‘ to start connecting to my legs and appreciating them for what they bring and not what I think they should look like.’
We live in a world that has ‘red lines’ regarding many things (including our bodies) you can only cross in very specific circumstances. Rebellion against (one of) them means absolutely nothing because when you rebel you confirm what you rebel against and also confirm the general grip that red lines have on you.
“It was the fact that on some level one of my fingers felt that it didn’t belong to me, that I could not claim it and it was there for someone else to claim…” – very relatable Vicky.. it’s as if that finger (marriage finger) is to be only adorned through partnership with another or as if to be owned like a piece of property. No different in ways to other parts particularly of a woman’s body when it comes to her breasts or intimate parts with things such as female genital mutilation [FGM] that continues to be practiced parts of the world. Nobody has the right of another body except the person’s own will to make their body their own, as nature intended.
What ever we wear it will always be our Livingness that will hold us in our divine connection and ideals and beliefs have never been a part of a That!!
Wise words Greg – and so true – that ideals and beliefs are not truly part of who we are.
And may I add HM, that who we are is True Love, which will always be when we are connected, to not allow ideals and beliefs to be part of us!
A great realisation Vicky – “what other parts of my body did I not feel belonged to me as being fully claimed and loved….” Accepting and appreciating every part of my body is something I am working with and at 67 I am loving my own body more than ever – despite its natural ageing etc…….
Gorgeous to hear you are loving your body more and more now Sue.
Claiming ever part of us is vital if we are to embrace ourselves in full.
Definately yes – we need to claim the love we deserve and not the emptiness.
We are love and we can only align to that love within ourselves and express that out.
If we are told and expected to do things, rather than feel what is true for us, it can cause tension and reaction in us, ‘it was about rebelling against what someone had told me not to do, with an undertone of feeling that I had done something naughty ‘.
On my right hand I wear a ring that I consider to be my Marriage or connection to the most divine being so that every time I feel it deepens my connection to God.
Even after noticing this and writing the blog several months ago on reflection I can still feel I have not fully claimed this finger and can feel an energy band around it like ‘don’t go there’ or ‘do not put anything on this finger.’ It is really interesting to observe and feel.
The social conditioning can be very strong as society is quick to judge and have we stopped to consider how old this conditioning is and what role models have we had around us to support or break this ideal.
This blog came to mind the other day when a friend shared how they were being judged for wearing a ring on the “wrong finger”. Any ideals and beliefs that we have that bring about judgement of ourselves or others are not truly supporting us to feel the potential we all have to live who we truly are if we make life about what feels true to live rather than what we want others to live.
This not only exposes the beauty of awareness but also the deepening and unfolding relationship we can have with our bodies and how we move everyday. It’s the beauty of the details of what you share here Vicky that is so exquisite and shows just how our beliefs and or images of who we are, can sometimes muddy our true perception of our grandness.
There are lots of subliminal impositions we live under that affects the way we relate with our body. The more we feel the body, the more we are able to expose those impositions and claim our body back.
Absolutely Amparo well said, as when we reclaim our connection to every part of our body, we then are free to live the fullness of who we are.
Vicky, I have uncovered so many rules I’ve imposed on myself over the years. Each time I discover a new one and discard it, my whole being feels freer. Here’s to uncovering and discarding more.
That’s really inspiring Debra in the last few weeks I have felt more committed within my body to see, feel and discard unloving patterns, behaviours and beliefs I have and am still holding onto that do not truly support me. This is slowly unfolding but feels great to acknowledge as I do not feel I have ever been so clear about this before.
I feel how loving this sharing is Vicky, and how pertinent the questions are – do we fully claim to wfh part of our body and if not then who does. And rebellion is not claiming it’s just a reaction to what we’ve been asked to fulfill which we know is not right but rather than clearly state that we rebel and the cycle continues. I now feel to more thoroughly look at my reactions and see where I’m in rebellion and not in fact claiming and honouring what I know.
very cool .. that you are looking at your reactions to see where you are rebelling, yep for me the ring on my finger was just one of them. If we react with rebelling it solves absolutely nothing as we are still not truly loving us as we could be and why on earth would we want to rebel about loving us!!!!
Whether its the ring on your finger, or perhaps the fact that (for me) I really don’t pay that much attention to my feet! They seem like such a long way away, and I can ignore them all day, abuse them, take them for granted. Yet the job they do for me, and the information I get from walking or standing… super important to keep feeling them and keep loving them too.
Very awesome article to share. Just what else do we not claim in the tradition of wearing a wedding ring, what does it signify for each of us individually? To ponder on this and feel the energy behind it is necessary. As to what the ring means and brings for each of us, if it is not Love and equality, there will be conflict, control and demands on our partners that doesn’t foster and build harmonious relationships.
I can feel the importance of claiming any part of my body equally as being part of me, an expression of the divine in me in the physical world.
What a great thing to notice, and what a great consciousness to break, and how important it is to keep claiming ourselves every way with all of us.
Its true Vicky … I realized upon reading your article that I have put some bits of my body in the too hard basket…. And yes , every part of our body deserves to be nurtured.
take them out of that basket and love every single inch and cell of you ✨ i am still working on fully claiming my finger back!
It is so, how many people hate themselves as they don’t live up to a picture (lie) they have been sold. You see we are bombarded and encouraged to live to a certain image be it laid back surfer, chic city career man/woman, wholesome, stay at home mum, tats / no-tats etc.. etc.. But where are we encouraged to truly be ourselves and explore our unique expression.
It is amazing how a few words and a consciousness can pervade our every move if we allow it. This blog helps me to see how important it is not to blindly accept the customs and words that are we imposed on us.
‘How many of us do not like a certain body part ‘? I have always intensely disliked my feet. Some time ago, I decided to give them a lot more attention and love in the form of a daily massage after my shower, sometimes actually morning and night which my feet greatly appreciated (after being the target of my negative thoughts for years). A few months back, I was sharing a bedroom with a friend. I was sitting on the bed with no socks on my feet. This friend came into the room, noticed my feet and said; ‘you have the most delicate feet’. Well, she knocked me for six and what a turnaround, I would have never called my feet delicate, never. However, I have since accepted the compliment and the confirmation of the acceptance of that part of my body!
I have not ever given it much thought, and yet I subconsciously have as I have never been married and not ventured to ever wear a ring on this finger. In a way the whole foundation from which this ritual came was probably founded on some level of ownership or possession. It would be interesting to find out how the tradition eventuated and why.It leads me to ponder where else to we let traditions and beliefs own us. This is just one of many.
I have never really enjoyed wearing rings on my fingers, what it makes me consider though is that we live in ways which become incongruent to our body’s flow, in effect disregarding certain parts of us.
It can be similar with a physical symptom on a body part. It is a message from the body but what does it mean? One of the stranger ones was a thickening of the skin on my right thumb which stopped when I stopped reading while eating. It was there for months and then it went away without a trace.
Thank you Christoph, this leaves me to feel deeper into what my body is telling me, and paying attention to every detail.
fascinating.
Thank you Vicky Crook – yes we need to do that. We need to claim our love, our truth and show humanity that it is possible to be fully complete within yourself. A healing of all mankind to see that what we have seen and lived is based on pictures – pictures that are actually false.
We are love A love we all are. Hence living in a way that is not loving – is an absolute lie.
Danna, I love the strength and conviction that you express with here. Thank you.
Having a ‘ring on it’ is such an ideal for so many women. It is almost more important than the man who puts it there!
Rebecca, that can put things into perspective for a man. It could feel like a rejection of the person as in “I only want you for your ring!”.
Every part of our body is to be loved and appreciated. In fact, if there is a part that we do not love or appreciate, this is the ‘weakest link’ in other words this is the level of love we actually bring to our whole body, as nothing can be truly more than that. And so it becomes a time to hone in on those areas that we feel might not be so appreciated, and to pour immense appreciation onto that part and learn to love it just like anything else. This is what allows us to grow.
What you have shared here Henrietta is a true STOP moment. So you are saying that basically if we have a part of our body that we like the least this is the barometer we are working from for our whole body!!!! That is HUGE! So for example I might love all of me apart from my legs so instead of starting at the point of where I am loving all of me I am starting from the point of not liking my legs! WOW definitely am going to ponder this one. Thank you for what you have shared.
Thank you Henrietta for such poignant reverence to the body and life as whole and that we cannot get away with treating one part in disregard without impacting on the all.
I overate a little at dinner this evening and your comment brings my attention to the disregard I have had for my stomach and digestion system, and also my gums which can be aggravated when I eat to distract and let food abrasively rub against them. Yet I have a choice to be present with how I chew and process food in my mouth gently – for the whole body. Beautiful for as I write that I can feel that when I eat I am focussed on the mouth or the stomach, but not connected to the whole body yet if I start with the whole connection it is very hard to eat in a way that will disturb this whole. Awesome.
Yes, we might neglect parts of us the way you describe Vicky, but it’s just a matter of time till we get joined up. Because of the gorgeous way life is designed we cannot move or change or truly grow unless we tend to, care and nurture our whole being. Just like the ring, life shows us if we truly want to move forward the essential humbling thing to understand is everything is one in this life, so to ignore bits, or drive ahead with others will never ever work.
When we appreciate ourselves for our beingness and express it in our movements we are in touch with our soul where there is only immense love for who we are and not for the way we look.
Yes Vicky I too bought into that insidious consciousness around needing to have a ring in order to feel like a women, so could relate to your statement. “I could also feel the insidiousness of the belief I had carried since being young that until I met someone, got married and had a ring on that finger, I was not complete!”
Your sharing reminds me of whole body intelligence and how loving it is to treat the body as a whole every part equally important.
After reading your blog Vicky I changed the rings around on my finger and wore them on the ‘ring’ finger. It was amazing how many people had noticed and some even commented with, ‘so when did you get married’? How many beliefs and ideals are running us that we may not even be aware we have subscribed to; really a great consideration.
It is definitely time we stopped our negative thoughts about certain parts of our bodies we have disliked or had a ‘thing’ about. I have wasted many years listening to the negative mental chatter and now I tell it to go away. I make a point as I dry myself after a shower or a bath of feeling the part I am drying and holding it lovingly. As we embrace all of ourselves, we embrace all parts of life too.
A brilliant exposing of the love and beliefs we have for different parts of our bodies and how this effects us and how we perceive others feel about us. The joy of loving ourselves and our bodies and appreciating everything of ourselves stands out here as the only important way to live and treasure the amazing ness and beauty we all our in our hearts and to open this up to the world.
That is really inspiring Elizabeth as others have also shared once we notice that we either ignore or dislike a part of our body and pay loving attention and care to this part the body instead the relationship with ourselves and this part of the body changes. So this then makes me wonder about diets? If instead of dieting to get slim we loved and accepted every inch of ourselves for who we are could it be that our our body shape would naturally change?
That is so funny, I had the same thing with that finger before I was married. I rebelled as a teen too but as I got older, I really wanted to meet someone, so it was coupled with a belief that if I wore I ring on that finger then single men would not know I was available.
Then later I valued the worldly symbolism, everyone knew if that finger was bare, they still had a shot at courting you, I begun to feel that maybe it wasn’t so bad, maybe it was even cool? I never really thought of it again….until this blog and now I am unsure what I think but I find it a very interesting subject.
Our bodies communicate everything with us. Loving choices and movements support me to feel lovely and unloving choices let to me feeling down, empty and stiff.
It almost feels sometimes as though a part of my body has been stolen by having chosen at some point to join the cultural identity of women in the 1950’s and 60’s. I love the feeling of claiming those parts back by getting in touch with what it means to be a true woman, to feel the Stillness within, the holding of that Stillness, my presence in the whole of my body, the movements I express with a loving energy of tenderness, grace, and from my own rhythm. This is the energetic claiming as a whole, bringing all the parts — neglected or not — together to be felt in unity.
Not only do we dismiss or neglect certain areas of our body, we do this to others too. How often have you heard phrases like ‘you have your mother’s eyes’ or ‘you have your father’s smile’? Really? I thought they belonged to me!
Great call Jane. Yep totally dismissing the person for who they truly are and instead comparing them to another!
Today it’s been made clear to me, emphatically that we can’t pick and choose the bits of life we like. We can’t put importance in one aspect and ignore the all. It’s all one life and we are made to live each day this way. If we tend to see it separately then it’s no surprise to me that we apply the same thinking to our body too. After all, like the beautiful symbol of the ring you use Vicky – everything we see and feel is joined up and interlinked.
A seemingly small and harmless belief that is anything but. I wonder what other seemingly ‘small’ beliefs I have taken on and more importantly what the consequences are…
It has always bugged me how women are always expected to wear a wedding ring but men can have a choice whether to wear one or not. It suggests that the woman belongs to the man and has to show that on her finger, but a man is free to do what he likes. That doesn’t feel like equality to me.
I enjoy picking a ring to wear to match the delicacy and expression I feel for that day and that means the possibility of wearing it on any finger.
The reason we allow those thoughts is because we have separated from ourselves, we are not living ourselves in full and claiming ourselves, our truth, what we know and feel, with that the energy of withdraw and giving up can come smashing in – and in that a flood of negative, self destructive thoughts, the key as hard as it may be, it to not allow this, by saying no I’m not giving up, I have a responsibility to reflect something divine, something amazing to everyone who sees me, because 99.9 % of the planet are in given up, withdrawn energy. So, it is so so important when we feel ourselves go into this, to say no, we are not going to be another one taken so to speak, we have a job to do, and that is to live love whole heartedly, without any ra ra or look at me, but in the absolute joy of living in a fully claimed body – so people can feel and see there is another way, even with all this devastation in this world and around us everyday – we don’t have to give up, we can live easily, a truly joyful and deeply loving and caring way.
When I am with myself and full of me, there is not a single part of my body I don’t love fully. It doesn’t even cross my mind. I find myself looking down a my tummy and loving it.
There are a myriad of ideals and beliefs surrounding men, women, life, our bodies and what we should or should not do, wear, think and so the list goes on. It is deeply healing to reclaim our body in the knowing that we are the living authority of our own body and life and that any such beliefs and pictures that are promoted, provided or bombarding us have no power whatsoever if we do not align to them or accept them.
Over the last few days I have got to feel how I behave with others and is it truly me or am I behaving in a certain way to please. It is been quite revealing leaving me feeling quite fragile, sensitive and raw with myself at the moment but I see this as a blessing. I am being asked to honour me first and what I feel and not to override this constantly.
I may have shared this previously, but when I first put on my wedding ring it felt claustrophobic, so much so that I could not wear it for long. In other words, it came with an energetic imprint based on the flood of expectations that come around marriage, and which I was in deep reaction to. Let is amazing what we hold onto in the body that we are not necessarily aware of.
Our finger being seen as a segment of us where we do not have autonomous power, simply because of our view that the finger can only carry an engagement or a wedding ring. As ridiculous as this sounds, it is a clear reflection of the devastating impact of the many ideals and beliefs which we are not even conscious of, yet similarly colour our thoughts and dominate our lives.
Most women seem to have some part of their body that they don’t like the look of. I have been bringing much more loving care to a body part I had rejected long ago, claiming back that part feels beautiful to do so. The other day I painted my toenails the first time ever, doing this has brought much more awareness and appreciation of my lovely feet.
An interesting thing to ponder Vicky. When we disconnect and relegate a part of ourselves as less we are turning away from appreciating the beautiful whole being that works together in absolute harmony.
It sounds strange that we disconnect/disassociate from different parts of our body but we do. This occurs for all sorts of reason. The more we claim back all parts of our body the more vitality we become. Carrying around a hurt, ideal or belief is very tiring.
Yep being a ‘good’ anything .. wife, daughter, sister, brother, friend, husband, partner, colleague etc is so insdious because it is saying we have to ‘be’ something instead of we already naturally are EVERYTHING!
The idiom of; Having someone wrapped around their little finger, has also been used as the ring finger as an expression of control and possible ownership?
Quite amazing to consider how many beliefs and ideals are placed on our fingers alone. It is all in the detail…
great point Steve I hadn’t even thought of this .. the phrase ‘wrapped around their little finger’. To me this just exposes even further how many lies, ill beliefs and ideals we have brought into or taken on that are not true .. is not the true truth. It is very insidious.
I am going to put my heels on the ground and walk gently but solidly in life, whether or not my heels show me they are appreciated or neglected at this moment will not stop me from putting them on the ground and walk gently but solidly, starting from right now.
“Is it not time we not only honoured, claimed and loved every single inch of our bodies, but also gave all young women and young men the space do to this for themselves as well?”
Yes indeed it is time, thank you for your invitation to explore what inches need my love.
One of the greatest way I have gotten to know my own body more is to lay down with my eyes closed. I start at my feet or head and bring my awareness to all the parts of my body and get a feel for them. It is also a very calming thing to do.
I love this blog, Vicky, -it is very powerful in its’ simplicity. I spend many years not liking and ignoring my feet which i perceived as being chubby, cracked and not part of me. Since I have been caring for them lovingly I can feel their beauty and solidness and they are now soft, slim and have a delicateness about them. It is all about a loving connection to all that we are.
This thing about waiting for something for marriage to make things complete, giving part of your body to this idea is huge for many of us. Great to expose how this runs, great to be aware and look at how we can claim our whole body and not wait for anything or anyone.
Absolutely giving our power away to something outside of ourselves or thinking that we need another or something outside ourselves to ‘complete’ us is a very insidious ill ideal and belief.
This is such a great observation, and something that I had not clocked myself, but when I think back as long as I can remember the ring finger has been reserved for that special ring, either engagement or wedding.
I used to always check out other womens ring fingers to see if they were married or not.In my early life I was always desperate to be married..To have worn a ring on that finger would have lessened my chances of getting married..Goodness me what a revelation of how little I treasured myself. Such a tiny thing but actually very capping.Thank you for the illumination!
Such a brilliant blog Vicky exposing the false ideals and beliefs around the special ring finger that so many of us subscribe to and never question where that came from or how true it is.
Before I discovered conscious presence, being caring, gentle and tender with myself, there were so many parts of my body I was consistently unaware of. In fact I would say the only parts that stood out were my mind and anything that hurt! It feels incredible to feel the whole body equally and be with it wholeheartedly. This is a key element to health and vitality that is missing in people today.
What a great disclosure to look at the simple little beliefs we hold and how they effect us such as the ring on our ( wedding ) finger and how we allow this to rule throughout our lives and let it govern our thinking also.
Questioning all we are told and feeling what is being said and the energy of this makes so much difference to our lives in every way possible and from the knowing that that there is always room for more with expansion and love and true understanding.
It amazes me how a belief can distort our perception of what is right. I am now questioning everything I hear or read. That is the start of making a true choice about whether something is right for me.
mmm what a consideration! I am sure that is what I felt before I got married too – I know I felt like a marked woman when I got engaged and actually resisted wearing an engagement ring if my partner didn’t! Goodness, there is so much we don’t question but carry with us.
Sometimes it is a bit of shock when you realise you’ve been carrying around a set of rules that you have accepted as truth or part of the way you go about your everyday and they are completely false and unsupportive.
The glory of claiming back every part of us as a whole being, amazing no more separation or ignoring of one part or another. Claiming back our body for divine purpose not function.
As soon as we judge one part of our body as being less than the rest we are compartmentalising ourselves and bringing disharmony to the whole.
So well said Vicky, what a great blog to remind us to claim in full the body we are in and to look at what we may have taken on from others that is not our truth.
Why on earth do we choose to dislike part of our body, our pathway back to the divine origin we are from?
The way we are with out body puts me in mind of travel. You know the way when you see things every day, as part of your routine you become a bit blasae. ‘Oh yeah that old thing again’. Contrast this with the wonder we experience when we visit somewhere just for a day -‘ooooh wow look at that! It’s amazing’. And the funny thing is we are actually more like tourists on this plane of existence, here just for a visit until the next life. The more I remember this fact Vicky the more I appreciate every part of this body and life around me – for I am here just to celebrate and enjoy all I see.
So true Joseph, like being on autopilot do the same old same old and never questioning life, our values, beliefs, ideals, patterns or what we tolerate and why we have these in the first place. Like the the ring finger that wasn’t even something that came from me it was something outside of myself that I carried with me yet it was to do with my own body.
When we choose to cherish our body, it is impossible to not love and appreciate every inch of it.
When we judge any one part of our body as not being “good enough” we poison ourselves because judgement is a poison in the body.
I have always loved rings and often felt as a child that I would like to wear one as a representation not of my marriage to another but my commitment first and foremost to myself.
‘made me wonder how many other woman (or men) around the world feel parts of their body do not completely belong to them’ – Absolutely, we certainly give parts of our body over to ideals, expectations, other people or a purpose which splits our body into fragments. I can imagine that models feel an enormous pressure to do this, as with actors and athletes, however so many of us do it without even realising.
It’s interesting how beliefs we have can lead to certain behaviours. Also interesting how a body part can be reserved for someone else and we really don’t feel that it belongs to us. I know I have had a fear of marriage in the past, feeling that if a man placed a ring on my finger my whole body and my whole life would belong to him. Really scary!
Vicky it’s an interesting and valid question about what might happen when we dislike a part of our body, that we could be “dismissing or disowning a part of ourselves”. With the world strongly influenced by body image ideals a lot of people could be experiencing this and disconnected from themselves. I’ll be reflecting on areas I might not be loving with also.
I feel a bit sorry for my backside – I have belittled it for so many years, complained about it, never really appreciated the support it has offered me over the years – till now and I appreciate it every day standing or sitting!
It’s revealing that we are willing to accept ourselves in part but not whole
This is the second time I am reading this blog and the first time I could significantly feel that my ring finger was not owned by me but by I set of rules of being a wife. But what has been brought to my attention today while reading it and scanning my body for if there are parts that I ignore or disown. I was surprised to feel that I have never really claimed my bottom. When I was young, family would say you’re going to have a bottom like one of your aunties, and this wasn’t a compliment. I was told I would have a flatbottom and it would hang down and implied it would not be attractive. This is great to actually feel and notice how cold and numb that part of my body feels.
Hi Aimee, yep I know exactly what you mean I am still in the process of claiming this finger back. Only yesterday I sat and with my other hand placed my fingertips around the base of this finger. It is crazy the feelings I got from doing this like there was a ‘purity’ with it and this feeling was coming not from within me and my body but from the outside .. it was a really insidious feeling so this is still very much work in progress but it is definitely changing. And I can really relate with what you have shared about how members of the family say things, when I was young and saw my aunties they would say which one of us was like our mum and which one of us was like our dad this felt like it completely dismissed me as a person and instead was putting me into a box of who I was like. Great you have noticed this with your bottom as now you can start to beautifully claim and love this part of you.
It was not so much a part of my body I did not honour and respect but my whole body. I just took it for granted and abused it even though as a complimentary body-worker I paid lip-service to its care. It was not until I was introduced to true integrity by Serge Benhayon did I understand and appreciate how false I was in ‘walking my talk’. I have now come to understand the respect it deserves and the appreciation of this forever deepening.
This article has invited me to ponder on whether there are any areas of my body that I don’t claim or celebrate in equal measure to other parts, whether there are parts that I dislike more than others – and I would have to say ‘yes’. Whilst I have made huge leaps in appreciating my body I can still find myself going into critique in subtle ways but this critique I feel comes from looking at my body and seeing the consequences of my choices reflected there. It is this reflection I don’t like rather than the body part itself! In order to sustain and evolve in those loving choices a good start would be to love my body in full- warts and all!
Its interesting just how much identification one may feel about themselves either with or without a ring on the finger, and this I feel comes about from societal influences, norms or expectations that play a big influence on a person.
Yeah my bum! How many women hate their bums, and their behind us so we don’t really see them – let’s be honest. I don’t believe there is one women on this planet that has not been critical of herself or judgemental / jealous of another woman’s body. Now don’t get me wrong it’s not something I hate – but I do criticise sometimes with words but often with thoughts along with my tummy and thighs. If we really knew what a huge impact this has on other people, young girls we would stop immediately.
Fascinating Vicky, I definitely had the ‘that’s my wedding ring finger’ thing happening, and have to say I still do. I now have a ring on it as l’m married, but for most of my life this wasn’t the case. I didn’t hanker to be married or feel incomplete for not being (in the end), but I still reserved that finger less people might think I was married when i wasn’t, or that I wanted to be, when I didn’t particularly.
So still a level of adjustment to what is traditional, rather than feeling for myself whether I would choose to wear a ring on that finger or not at any point in time… because I liked it, and nothing else.
This is starting to change for me. Currently I am not married and haven’t been but even after seeing this belief and calling it out it has still taken me a while to wear a ring on this finger and feel it is okay! Fascinating how we can be so tentative even when it is to do with truly claiming every area of our body.
Yes l’ve never thought about it like that Vicky… claiming every part of your body as your own! Thank you, l’m going to ponder that more deeply!
It is so much simpler when we just go with and live by what we feel. I know it exhausts me when I try to do the right thing by, and to, please everyone. Something I have found is the more true I am to myself not only is it less exhausting I actually take more care and consideration for everyone else equally – it is like a ripple effect which all comes back to the quality I am choosing.
To remember that every part of our body is equally important, to cherish and adore supports me in understanding that equally every part of my life is important, no matter what I do or whom I meet, everything equally important.
Strange really, isn’t it? Who decides these things? Why that finger and that hand? But perhaps there is a deeper symbolism to this part of the body that we’re unaware of. There is certainly a lovely symbolism to the ring itself – it seems to suggest unity, and a cycle.
If we are not claiming ourselves and letting others run us through the ideals and beliefs we take on we are consequently going to hold areas of the body with such ideals and beliefs as everything we live is equally experienced in the body.
It is so normal to dislike parts of our body but to me this never has felt to be true. In a way when we go there we are in denial of something we are living with for all of our lives, a part of our body that is is expressing, ‘sorry I am not at home today, maybe you can try it another day when you want to see me in full’. This to me makes no sense. It is something we tend to do, to dislike part of our body that actually is telling us something, something beautiful in us that wants to be discovered and lived in full. Only when fully claimed our body can live it fullness in all its glory.
What you raise here Nico adds another dimension into the conversation not in how ill beliefs or ideals affect us and our relationship with our body, especially the subconscious ones as mentioned in this blog; but how we sometimes become comfortable with not being a ‘full house’ so to speak all of the time ‘sorry I am not at home today, maybe you can try it another day when you want to see me in full’. and that this is seen as being okay and acceptable!
Indeed Vicky, that is the problem We can get away with it because it is so acceptable that you do not like parts of your body and we never say, hey you are absolutely awesome the way you are and the divine reflection you give. Please do not change anything and accept this fact and shine.
I have played ball with this game often- the fear of wearing a ring on my ‘marriage finger’ due to the ingrained beliefs that came from family and friends. Often been sold the idea that this should always remain open to show that you are open to a relationship. But what if my choice of words and my eyes spoke the same?
Yes is common amongst women to zone in on a certain body part and pick it to pieces. Rather then feel our essence and love this to pieces. We are so used to criticizing our bodies instead of appreciating our being.
The details, everything is in the details. They teach us about how energy enters and controls us, however we have to be willing to take notice.
I love this article and chat. Bringing awareness to how we compartmentalise our bodies, even handing over ‘ownership’ to other people and/or beliefs. It makes it very clear to me how important it is to pay attention to my whole body, as one, and how it feels in its totality… a bringing back together and claiming.
“Is it not time we not only honoured, claimed and loved every single inch of our bodies, but also gave all young women and young men the space to do this for themselves as well?” I agree, if we honour ourselves and our body, we then are true reflections for young women and men to do the same. They learn a lot from our reflections.
A beautiful sharing on what effects us all in so many ways showing the beliefs we take on to not love ourselves and different parts of our body to make us less and feel we are not good enough all the time denying our own beauty and divinity, innermost knowing and love. Wow how much we try to not love ourselves and the effort this takes seems quite ridiculous when how beautiful we are in reality.
I agree, I have considered my left ring finger to be allocated from a very young age…..so great to consider what this means for us as we go about life. My left finger does have a wedding ring on it and I do enjoy it being there and the commitment I have made, but to assume that it is going to be the case, or that this finger is only for is great to challenge and discuss, I know I and many relate too this on some level.
Well you have raised a very surprising aspect here, i love it. Claiming every single aspect of our body and those parts we haven’t why is that? It is a reflection of how we live our whole lives, we accept parts of our lives and those parts we do not accept or honour, is likely to be related to an aspect of our body since everything is interconnected but we live as though we are parts.
What is it about our bodies that we tend to be so highly critical or disregarding? In a search for perfection we look outside ourselves for approval when if we look within we realise that we have an inner beauty that when nurtured shines out as we embrace our whole. The more I take time to appreciate all the little details about my body the more I come to love it ‘warts and all’.
Own/Claim your body in full or you are owned by something that doesn´t belong to your body. The process of healing or restoration is the discarding of what doesn´t belong and reclaiming one´s fullness.
Boom, truth in a nutshell Alex.
The fact that we even refer to this finger as ‘the ring finger’ says it all really.
Love it Kylie! Wow, what a great point showing how we can be controlled by words.
Why should stop there, Jane! Can I use my pointing finger to direct you to my thumbs up, to your list of fingers and their uses! We wont mention the middle finger. The baby finger is just what it is. And, when they are all in brother hood, the fist wins, hands down!
I will keep my fingers crossed Steve and this could possibly change nothing? Could it be we are in safe hands when we re-connect to God or do we make a fist of it and settle for second best, which can also be two fingers in the air for a ‘v’ for five?
It sure does as it implies we are less without a ring on the finger. And that somehow being married makes us more of a complete person which is utter rubbish.
Focusing on every area of our body and our life is key to knowing ourselves deeply and living all that we are.
Yes very true Deborah, I thoroughly agree. This is much more important than how many rings we can accumulate and what they mean to everyone else.
We get trapped thinking there is no time to bring a loving detail into everything we do and so we give up and choose our battles so to speak. However when we honour how we feel to do what needs to be done, our lives begin to fill with appreciation and purpose. In this space is created.
Amazing the number of ways we respond or react to life from things we do not even realise and communications we are sending and receiving to each other. One example is the ring finger and everyone assuming when they see the ring on your finger that you are married when you might not be. This feeling from others alone can make us feel like we should not wear a ring on that finger unless we are in fact married!
So this also exposes the insidiousness of assuming about another before knowing the truth. I for a fact know I have done this many times about a person without even meeting or speaking to them I have assumed something about them. Yuk!
Yes and often the ideas come layered with other people’s ideas so that each person is not being met for who they are at that moment and the potential for the interaction to have the true quality it deserves.
There is a small comment in here… a note about how we cheekily do what we have been told not to as a form of miniature rebellion. It is here, in this little place, that I can feel the spirit so keenly. Just a nudge, a small act of defiance, but its always there suggesting a lie here, a half truth there, and it stops us from being simply and beautifully straight forward about things.
Wow Vicky, great questions. Reading through the blog I was also pondering on parts of my body I have not claimed and I can actually list so many. In the culture where I grew up, having a bigger bottom was just the worst thing. However when I moved to England, it was the opposite – big round bottoms were desirable. This gave me a sense of relief to be honest because I felt like my body shape was acceptable, so I didn’t hide it (like I would back in the country where I was born), I would actually flaunt it and use it to get attention. However, like you mentioned, this was never done with love towards the shape of my body or my bottom. It was done out of an insecurity to prove to myself that I am worthy, thank you for bringing it to my attention ❤
This is such a significant blog, how a ring can be the maker or breaker of who you are. A glance at someones finger and we put them into a box. This simply exposes the level of conditioning and expectations we have on one another. It feels very prison like when you look at it like this.
Natalie thats so true we box people having glanced at their finger, its crazy we are conditioned to even think like that from young. No wonder we start to isolate parts of our body.
But, that is not the only box that is ticked, available or not! Value judgment also creeps in with is the ring; plain, big, big but fake, brash or wow. What pictures do we apply to the ring?
Very true Steve and I was thinking what pictures are applied if there is no ring but a white un- tanned line.
Yes and what about if the ring is on your pinkie or in your nose or on your toes – what does that say?
It is interesting to read the level of boxing shared. It can be as small as a ring on a finger or boxing groups of people according to their religion or nationality. Showing that big or small the imposing words or thoughts are always felt.
That is so true, whether I like it or not I definitely noticed whether there was a ring on that finger. Thankfully now I actually clock the fact that I have done it!
For me I think an area of my body I never really took care of was my feet – they were just there, getting me through my day and from A to B but not looked after in the way i would my hands, face or hair. It is still something I can find myself doing, not paying them any attention, but when I do I feel better in myself because my care is for the whole of me and not just the most obvious or immediate parts.
……”the other day something was revealed to me that I was not fully conscious of.”
Fascinating to unravel how a consciousness such as this can manifest in the body.
If you want to know & understand why your mind and your patterns are so ingrained or hard to control, read “A TREATISE ON CONSCIOUSNESS” by Serge Benhayon, it will rock your world.
Actually I have never came to this idea that the ring finger is dedicated soleley to marriage. My feeling however is that those ideals are so ingrained that we even do not feel their consequence anymore, but that the consequence in behaviourism gets normal.
Ah Vicky – what a great blog. What you share makes me think of our body like a piece of land that we own. Do we keep every part in great care, knowing it’s all part of the whole, or do we focus on a flower patch out the front and let the back overgrow? I reckon we have a big tendency to tend to only what we like to see and forget about the fact that life is always about the all.
Beautiful blog Vicky. You helped me realise that I have not loved or claimed my teeth! No wonder I struggle to floss and brush them with presence.. cleaning my teeth could double as an oppprtunity to love and claim this part of me.
That’s Amazing Leonne, the more you have fully claimed and loved them I would love to know how things have changed for you.
“I remember years ago when growing up being told never to put a ring on that finger because that was only for when I was married” – i had that too Vicky, though it was more of if you/I wear it on that finger then you’ll end up not getting married as if a curse. Is interesting to really look at each body part and see whether we are owning it, or an ideal or belief has taken hold which we’ve allowed (and is the real curse).
Yep that is exactly what was told to me that if I put a ring on that finger myself I will never get married and as you so rightly say it is the words that are said that is the curse not the fact that we are claiming and loving a part of our body!
It is body parts but also aspects of our life that we have reserved for or are imposed upon by expectations, ideals, beliefs, ie we don´t live the authenticity of who we are but give our power away to something outside of us.
So cool to bring this up and consider are there any parts of us we don’t love enough or even ignore. Do we compare ourselves to others or a kind of ‘normal’ based on pictures. This is a huge consciousness to break.
“What other comments had I taken on throughout my life on some level, even subliminally, which still to this day affect my relationship with myself, myself as a woman, and my body?!” Words have an energetic configuration and when they are used in a true way they empower us so how important is to have a true understanding of what energy words come with as this is how our body can return to divinity.
I love how you have expanded on this and brought in the importance of how we express. Absolutely, words can be configured in such a way that they either heal or harm. Great to bring this into the conversation ✨
So true Vicky, the original debates as presented by Pythagoras were all about expanding expression so the groups would reach a unifying truth and thus healing for all involved. Thus sharing the wisdom that is to empower us from the way we talk, write and express in any way is vitally important. To under the truth about what happens energetic when we express through any medium is a key principle that needs to be shared universally throughout the educational institutions.
Your blog has made a great impact on me Vicky. I have been married for 46 years and have known how a ring seen on the fourth finger of the left hand depicts conformity to society’s rules and people can place you in a certain box. But reading your blog also made me feel like this finger wasn’t mine, it was the wedding finger and I didn’t like that feeling. I spoke to my husband about it, and said I wanted to put my rings on my right hand and he simply took them off and place them onto my right hand without question. My left hand feels very different, it is mine, and my right hand is loving a bit of fun too.
But more so why do we care what anyone else thinks?
What a great revelation Vicky, as I too had bought into that consciousness around not being able to wear a ring on the ‘wedding’ finger. I didn’t ever think you could, as it was to be ‘saved’ for when I was married. Or to ensure you allowed yourself to be seen to be available. A lot of false ideals have now been busted and I don’t feel the same way.
Beautiful expose Vicky on the hidden beliefs we take on from the simplest thing we are told that really holds us back feeling less and adding to our lack of self worth instead of living and feeling the glory and divinity we all innately are.
Thank you Vicky your blog beautifully exposes the false ideals and beliefs that totally crush and reduce our natural expression.
After reading this blog a few days ago, I’ve thought of it every morning when I go to put on my jewellery. I tried out wearing a ring on my “ring finger” and it felt uncomfortable. Not yet sure if it was because I didn’t truly want to wear it on that finger or whether it’s because I’ve always reserved that finger for a wedding ring. An interesting experience and thanks for opening this up.
Great experiment Nikki. To me, a lot of it comes from the ideals and beliefs and what that signifies in our western society. It’s a quick guide and reference to knowing if someone is ‘taken’ or not. But even that, the notion of being owned or taken is crazy and why should that change the way we interact with each other.
Great point. Whether we are married or single or neither, we are ourselves. If we live in the fullness of ourselves, we have no need to alter the way we are.
Esoteric Yoga has supported me in connecting with every part of my body, from my finger tips to my toes, and how incredible it feels when I am totally with and in my body.
It’s always important to challenge the beliefs that we subtly contain in our bodies.
This is such an important question and one to deeply connect to: ” What other comments had I taken on throughout my life on some level, even subliminally, which still to this day affect my relationship with myself, myself as a woman, and my body?!” I have received quite some derogatory comments about my body, especially my legs ( as there were some hairs on them) when I was a teenager and they came from within family and were definitely meant to harm. They resulted in my covering my body up even in the hottest days – I would go swimming in my jeans and had stopped wearing skirts altogether. Leaving my home country and living in another country and connecting with women, being shown ways to deal with what I thought was terribly ugly, helped me overcome this and accept my gorgeous legs as they are. However, I can still feel there is a residue as I am writing this and so will look a bit deeper as well to see what needs to heal a bit more.
Understanding that we feel energy first before anything else has supported me to feel much more empowered in my relationship with my boody. I love my body because of the way it feels. When it doesn’t feel lovely in some areas I can then understand the choices I have made that have allowed that energy to enter. This has opened the door to loving my body in a way that is not bound by a picture or ideal of what it should look like, in turn I am developing a relationship with my body based on love and not comparison.
This has made me ponder on the purpose of rings. Like everything, rings have a meaning and so the rings we choose, the fingers we place them on and how they are placed are all communicating something about us.
Great observation Vicky, maybe it does depend on how old we are, I know I had the same belief, but occasionally would wear a ring if I had no interest in starting a relationship with anyone – a way to keep men at arms length.
I certainly grew up with this belief and many more no doubt I keep believing in until they pop up for me to deal with like after reading this blog.
It cracks me up when people especially women come in to show of their engagement rings and yet seldom have I seen this with men. We ignore all the other rings worn on the other fingers but make a fuss out of that one particular finger.
Celebrate all the fingers not just the one.
I had never thought that that was a finger only for that type of ring, I have worn rings there all the time, married or not. So yes with you Shushila – celebrate all fingers in their glory 🙂
I know the feeling of adopting the belief of not being complete as a person if I don’t have a partner. How contradictory this is. The truth is we are complete and taking this completeness into relationship and holding this supports far more love and a deepening of relationship between people that giving any part away to attain a sense of belonging. No ring or specified finger can achieve this – it’s great to feel the myths around this tradition.
It is interesting to observe how the “traditional wedding” is fading from many western cultures in the younger generations. When I got married, none of our intentions were to have a traditional wedding at all. There was no apparent need to and I have always felt the bottom line has been to share love and not hold it back in what ever way is most natural for you. So my partner and I did not have the same association with this finger as I have witnessed many of the older couples to have. It would seem the younger generations are generally raised nowadays with completely different values when it comes to what a wedding should be like or a traditional married couple should look like.
Great point Elizabeth in that if we do not know and truly heal ill ideals and beliefs that we hold how this affects future generations as well.
Our bodies, life and our relationships are constantly reflecting to us that we cannot isolate anything into parts at the expense of the whole. One thing may need more focus or attention for a while, but it’s about being able to hone in on something without losing track of the bigger picture.
We don’t realise how unloving it is to not embrace a part of ourselves. A pimple can destroy a teenager’s day, a wrinkle can preoccupy a woman, and this focus on the one part is as harmful as ignoring a part of ourselves. We focus on a small detail of our outer appearance that perhaps no-one else would even notice, instead of emanating our true beauty from within.
It’s amazing how a belief or ideal can affect our relationship with our body – even in a subtle almost unconscious way that actually is having a big impact on our health, wellbeing and expression in life.
As always it is the quality of energy that we are in when we do something that reflects whether it is a self loving movement or choice or not. If I wear something because I am in reaction to the world or someone I wear that item in the energy of rejecting me, rather than confirming and claiming myself.
How many examples are there like this one that we don’t bring awareness to; ideals and beliefs that become such a normal way of thinking that we don’t even question?
Those comments people make are taken on more easily than we sometimes realise and it is beautiful to let them go. I always feel quite joyful if I realise something I thought was true and made me feel bad, was not true in the end.
Our fingers and equally our toes are very delicate and sensitive areas of our body that support us to feel the finer details of energy.
I have experienced people who once divorced remove the wedding and or engagement rings from their fingers but in truth still ‘wear’ them energetically. I feel it is important to clear that energy and let go of the person and the relationship once it is over – hard as this can be – because if we don’t it is not truly possible to move on with our lives in full.
This is very interesting Vicky. I know in the past I at one point wore a ring on my (ring Finger) and it was assumed that I was engaged to my then boyfriend. Maybe part of me wanted that reaction from others but I was aware that from this point on I should not give a message to others that is not the truth {as others saw it} and therefor conforming to societies norms.
I have worn a ring on one of the ‘wedding fingers’ and people have said to me that I was giving our mixed messages by doing so. I struggle to see it because I am very open and transparent so a conversation with me would not give any mixed messages. Interesting how we can get caught up in set ways and beliefs.
After having received Esoteric Breast Massages and realising how disconnected from my breasts I have been and often still are, I can very much relate to our unhealthy ability to ‘blank out’ certain parts of our body from our awareness. I have read many blogs and spoken to other women who also lived completely unaware of their breasts. Often when growing up our breasts attracted unwanted attention, sleaziness from men and jealousy from women, so we completely disconnect from them.
What a fantastic blog. We can so easily take on beliefs of society and others and then dis-own parts of our body. Wearing a ring on your ring finger means you are married – that’s the way it is. When we take that belief on, our finger is no longer our own and this is quite hard for me to stomach.
The same can be said when applying this to the whole of life, that it is magnificent when we live each part of life with the same majestic quality.
From my own observations we are at our weakest as human beings when we are broken up into parts with some parts given more attention or focus or love than others, and we are at our strongest and most majestic when we are whole, complete and altogether as one physical and energetic body.
I have also hesitated to wear a ring on my left ring finger due to the message it sends out and feeling the pressure of following convention. With these beliefs, it means that a finger is not just a finger, to be decorated and loved as it is. It becomes a symbol or statement to the world about your marriage status and dare I say it, your worth as a woman in the eyes of society.
These seemingly innocent statements can be very imposing and cast a spell over us – to the point that unwittingly bow to and obey them, no matter how non-sensical.
The ring finger is the only finger I want to put rings on, and I do. It feels deeply nurturing and simply lovely to adorn this finger and why allow a consciousness to limit what is felt true? I am not married but why allow the concept of marriage to be defined by anything outside of what our hearts feel to be true? The power of having zero images brings freedom.
Absolutely Adele the same freedom of movement that is so playfully expressed by a young child.
Spot on Adele – ‘The power of having zero images brings freedom.’
I am not sure what it signifies but I never liked wearing anything on my hands or wrists – I have only recently got used to wearing a watch and wore a ring only for a short time after our marriage.
Great exposure Vicky. I can relate. The ring on the finger that tells the world you are either available or not. I have worn rings on the ‘marriage’ finger though usually more freely when I am in relationship. I had not given it much thought but these behaviours reveal a lot about how unconsciously we can be affected by beliefs.
It is such an engrained belief, the ring finger for the wedding ring Vicky, to the point that most of us don’t even question it. These beliefs have capped us for centuries, handed down by generations who conformed to living life in rigid ways. No more, we can release ourselves from such fixed ideas with a simple breath.. done.
Wow, I’m in a bit of shock as this is true for me also. The ring finger is like a no go zone and I’ve been acting like I have no right to put a ring on that finger. It is reserved for marriage. Thanks for opening this up Vicky.
‘What other comments had I taken on throughout my life on some level, even subliminally, which still to this day affect my relationship with myself, myself as a woman, and my body?!’ This is a great question to ask ourselves as women, I find there is always the opportunity to go deeper.
I too have really embraced wearing different rings on that finger too even though i am not married, but I really love how it reflects my commitment to myself and sharing myself more deeply with my partner.
When accepting body parts there is only the inner-heart and when we are fully connected to that Love then the rest of the body takes care of itself, so issues do not arise our movements are in accordance to the Soul.
After reading your blog recently Vicky I visited my partner’s daughter and 1 year old grandson who is exploring his own voice and loving it. What was so beautiful to watch was how he expressed freely from his whole body, right to his toes in a way that said ‘I am claiming every part of me as I speak’ I could feel that there was no part of him left behind, no ideals or beliefs in the way of his divine expression.
Yes and the magic comes when we can express like that later in life again.
Thank you Vicki – great to consider as you have shared that the ‘ring finger’ does not have to be a ‘ring finger’ in the sense of a wedding ring finger only. For me it always feels special to put my wedding rings on and they have always felt right on that finger – not sure if there is a deeper symbolism with this finger as such? Though it is also good to be aware that in other cultures and religions this is not always the same finger for wedding rings – for example growing up I had friends who were Russian orthodox and always wore their wedding rings on their Right hand ‘ring finger’ rather than the Left hand which I was accustomed to seeing…which is interesting how it exposes set ways of being that we have.
I didn’t know that Henrietta, about other cultures and their customs. For me more than anything it wasn’t even necessarily about the particular ring finger more the ill beliefs or ideals we are brought up with and how this subconsciously has an affect with regards ourselves and our relationship with our body in some or many cases not being able to claim absolutely every part fully.
Vicky, this is awesome and opens such a huge area to feel into; the effect of attitudes and beliefs on our bodies. Reflecting on my own choices i not this has played out in my life regarding body image and how I have chosen to treat my body accordingly.
The body as our guiding light. It is our vehicle of expressing, communicating constantly about its needs or its gloriousness. How amazing is our body in teaching us how to be with it in every single moment. It’s teaching us its natural movements and protests whenever we disobey this naturalness. Not out of punishment, but simply because we move out of sync with it and the flow of the universe.
I love the opening question. What I’m beginning to feel is a level of love and claiming that is there asking to be felt and deepened in pretty much all areas of my body – especially those areas that are used to define what it is to be a woman! It seems crazy to not feel each part of ones body but that’s how much I’ve disconnected and given precedent to my mind and the ideals and beliefs of what it is to act and look like as a woman. Reconnecting with the sacredness that is held within dispels all that is not divine.
I agree that we are dismissing or disowning a part of ourselves when we are in reaction or dislike of of our body…it leaves a gap for us not to be fully ourselves.
I find it is a good point you have here about us not liking certain body parts, constantly comparing, judging and repeatedly critisising or even just subtle doubts about ourselves and it makes me contemplate just how much this affects us on the whole.
Imagine that your job was to look after a space which measured 10-15 foot squared all day every day; guard what enters and exits that’s space, keep it clear, uncluttered, and loved. Sounds like a pretty straight forward, easy job? So why don’t we treat the body we live with each and every day with the focus and respect it deserves?
Susie a truly Awesome analogy and when simply put like this it seem absolutely absurd that we do not look after our own bodies in this way.
It seems absurd reading this blog that we reserve a finger for an activity. I used to wear rings and I never wore one on that finger and I too also felt like I was waiting for someone to put that ring on that finger to complete me. When then does separate a part of my body from the rest!
This is a awesome practical example of how ideals and beliefs can play out and effect us and how important it is to shine a line on these and see if they are true or not, and then to either let go of them or live them.
Vicky, reading this I wonder how many other beliefs like this we have taken on; ‘I took this belief on and did not question it’, I also remember being told to never wear read and pink together because they clash, recently I started wearing these colours together and they look great and I realized that I had not done this for most of my life because of this belief.
Clothes, jewellery and tattoos can be used in the same way to distract ourselves from feeling what is happening in our bodies and how we feel about our bodies.
How I feel about my body is governed by how I feel about and treat myself. When you begin to deeply love yourself everything you do starts to feel nourishing.
This is an eye opener to the fact of how we give ourselves away as women, probably from birth in many subtle ways. In my young days in the 1940’s/50’s early on we were taught that anything below the belt was either naughty or dirty. Imagine giving away the whole part of your lower body containing all your sacred organs of femaleness! Vicky you have turned it around for me as I can feel how I chose to do that because I enjoyed that naughty feeling, the rebellion you speak of. However, If I chose to give it away rather than saying it was taken away, then I can claim it back! Another choice, but this time of taking charge of my own body and authority.
Amazing how we give power to these traditions without even questioning their own truth and what they mean for us. The love we share for others is often based on what pictures we have about love and not the rituals we are to traditionally part take in but what about our innate expression of love? What does our body feel to do to celebrate it in full?
As you have said, Joshua, the pictures we carry around as a matter of fact and do not question, be it something small like our ring finger, or our picture, even if we don’t believe in it, religion and how this affects us!
Claiming our bodies back in full from the social expectations, traditions and roles that we have adopted. Then we get to truly express our qualities!
Conversely Vicky, I recently took my rings OFF that finger and the messages this seemed to send out to those that clocked this was very interesting! Still married but giving my finger time to heal without any rings on it my body was telling me how loaded this finger is with all the ideals and beliefs that go with the wedding, engagement and eternity rings, it is no surprise I had to let this clear after 28 years of wearing these traditions, beliefs and consciousnesses.
Great realisation Rosanna about clearing the consciousness of traditions and beliefs. How many of these are we ‘wearing’, a great consideration.
Its awesome that you came to this realisation and have shared it with us Vicky, your bodily awareness and observation of your choices and their source is inspirational & shows that by living with this level of self awareness, we are able to break through buried consciousnesses that have manifested within our bodies and in turn our movements – its huge.
It’s so interestng how we can base our worth on the presence or absence of a ring. It could be a confirmation of the worth we already feel, but so often it is given so much importance over and above our own sense of self.
What came to me the other day is the feeling of each of the finger is different. Every part has its own purpose in the body and that every part can fully work it then needs to be treated with care and love.
The delicateness in the fingers is very beautiful to feel. I have become more aware of this lately. Appreciating the beauty and ease they bring to life and the detail and refinement they support.
‘It was the fact that on some level one of my fingers felt that it didn’t belong to me, that I could not claim it and it was there for someone else to claim, and this shocked me..’ It is a shocking revelation to discover that because of ideals and beliefs we have taken on that we can’t be fully claimed. What is even more shocking is how riddled we are with them generally across the board and how so few of us are free to express ourselves in all the naturalness and joy that we were born with.
Interesting how we have created this unspoken law about one particular finger on our body and how we use jewellery to signal our availability or not. It reminds me of the ‘slave chains’ that are used these days to adorn our arms or hands, items that in the past represented complete control over another.
It is interesting that something as small as, almost our little finger can have such control over us, and we allow it!
That is so important Vicky the claiming of every inch or our bodies and by doing so we are giving every young person the space to do the same. These ingrained beliefs and ‘should’ do’s are actually doing a lot of harm because if we follow them we are simply saying to ourselves that we are not enough.
I really get what you share, Vicky. There are so many beliefs around that interfere with the way we naturally are in our body and how we move that we don’t realise we are being controlled by.
Never again will I favour another body part over another, all parts make up the whole just like all of us individually make the whole that we are returning back to.
I rarely felt the need to wear jewllery on my hand and possibly that was one of the reasons. But I can imagine how much pressure society puts on this little finger, and if you are a woman, it can be very tempting to wear something on it…
That is true, then we notice whether something we do or express doesn’t quite make sense and can then look further.
When we have a belief it can warp our behaviour in any of many ways and it can show up anywhere and at anytime in my experience so this is a great example by Vicky.
Vicky I love how you have exposed this ‘seemingly’ small, not talked about much, belief, yet the impact of which is huge if it means there is a part of us that we don’t feel is really ours. It makes me question how many other ideals and beliefs I still hold onto that I’m not even aware of. I so appreciate having conversations like this and then clearing out what doesn’t support or belong.
‘on some level one of my fingers felt that it didn’t belong to me, that I could not claim it and it was there for someone else to claim’ – and this all came from a belief around the fourth finger on our left hand being a finger for an engagement or wedding ring and if there is a ring on that finger ‘it shows others’ that we are betrothed. Breaking this down, it all seems ridiculous, but I have wholeheartedly bought into this belief too!
What you share here Vicky puts me in mind of the way we tend to see countries – ‘oh Croatia, I like it there, but Poland no that’s not for me. Ukraine? Where is that anyway?’. There are parts of life we think are separate and bits we fancy we can block out. But can we truly? For like the ring you mention the whole of life is deeply interlinked, connected and one – so how could we ever think of our body being an island somehow?
So true Joseph. There is no aspect of life that can in truth be considered as separate, since everything is part of a huge whole oneness. As soon as we start focusing on any part of anything whether our body, our society or the world and see it as separate to the rest, it is a clear sign that we are not in the loving flow of our Soul and the Universe, because the reduction of the whole and dividing things into segments is purely the game of the spirit.
Golnaz, this is a beautiful expression of truth.
I have just spent a couple of days at a Universal Medicine workshop deepening my awareness of the specific qualities available through various organs in my body and realizing how profoundly supportive it would be for me to deepen my connection to and relationship with what is offered by these qualities. We are multidimensional beings and there is so much to us, as well in what is available through our relationship with our bodies.
To limit our appreciation of our body to its anatomy, physiology and function is ridiculously shortsighted. And as for such ideals, belief and superstition that stunts our relationship with our body, like the wedding ring finger or ascribing women’s breast and vagina to sex and reproduction activities, that takes it to the land of ridiculous.
Golnaz great comment but the sad fact is we have gone to the land of the ridiculous as a society, we have completely lost ourselves in ideals, beliefs and superstitions. How long will it take for us to admit this and reclaim ourselves back to our multidimensional selves again?
Yes Mary, how long will it be before all of us wake up? That is an interesting question.
I have observed over the years in my own life and everywhere around me there are two types of prod we get in life: either when our back is firmly against the wall and we are humbled into acceptance that we don’t have the answers, or when we are lovingly inspired by our brothers and sisters who have walked several steps further towards living as the Sons of God that we are. Then, it is up to us as always, what will we choose to align to? Will it be the games of our spirit or the love of our Soul.
I feel the trick with all of this is how we allow our minds to control us… we ‘think’ we are connected to all of our body but our minds can conveniently miss what we don’t want to feel, and we connect to parts only. If we were to connect to our whole body and being as the divine instrument it is … we would all be powerhouses. We know this and choose to stay small by focusing only on the parts.
It is a fascinating process to feel our bodies, and to become aware of where we are actually numb and or disconnected from certain parts – or we connect to parts only, and not our whole body as complete in every way.
I love this Vicky…the ‘phantom’ finger – that part of us we are led to insidiously believe is not ours to own. So subtle that for the most part the majority of us would not pick up we had a body part operating in this manner. For me this speaks volumes of how we are played from very young, conditioned by ideals and beliefs that have no truth to them, to live in a fragmented way and not bring to the world the complete fullness and truth of who we in essence are. This is not so much about reclaiming body parts as it is reclaiming our ability to live every ounce of our being infused with the love that we are, no stone left unturned.
And what of our internal anatomy? Are not those organs and tissues responsible for making our physiology do its daily thing, are they not complete phantoms? It is as though they belong to a cold version of medical science that has turned them into pumps, chemical factories, reproductive units that function properly or do not. Woe betide you if they do not…and how little care, attention and respect we extend to them when they do.
We are a beauteous landscape, all ignored, left to run wild with weeds and carrion crows, until we learn that this body can be embodied deeply with the love that is innate…when we remember it so.
The concept of the ring finger is an interesting one. i have always worn rings on that finger, but often out of reaction to being told I shouldn’t. It’s funny how we respond to being told something that doesn’t sit right with us. I have a tendency to enjoy doing the opposite – which to be honest at times feels a little juvenile. I have fun with it, but sometimes it comes from a stubbornness and a trying ti prove a point, but I know underneath all that I don’t have to prove anything. I can do what I want and it’s totally ok, and I don’t need to be activist about it.
Great awareness Elodie in how you sometimes do things, I can really relate to this. What I am feeling more and more is when we do something out of reaction though it does not change the energy of it!
Yes, when our mind is driving us, we are basically just a head on legs and our bodies are quite numb to what they are going through. Only when we stop, focus and breath, can we feel our bodies again and then choose to make our next step one of presence, quality and care.
Julie I reckon we can go one step further and say that we’re not even a head on legs, we’re actually just a head! Most of us aren’t even aware of our legs, even though they are carrying us around all day. Extraordinary isn’t it that we have bodies and yet often have no concept of them unless we’re in physical discomfort or pain. And hence why we are, as a race of people so far from love and truth, because both of those divine qualities reside within and we are forever outside of ourselves.
Oh my goodness Alexis, yes heads with no awareness of our bodies … it totally feels like that in London during rush hour!
I am loving this blog, it exposes so much about how we view our body. We have this part for eating, this part for sex, this part for getting married…etc but what about the whole…it happens to be all joined together….and it all works together it is only us who happens to deiced to separate it in to convenient parts to work with so we do not have to consider and be responsible for the whole.
This is worth pondering on, Vicky. I always had a thing about my legs and feet and for many years looked on them with disdain and ignored them. My heels were always cracked, feet swollen and I despaired of the varicose veins on my legs. In recent years I have been more loving and appreciative of these lower limbs and pay much more attention to them when I am walking. My feet now are soft and never swell up and i really appreciate the shape of my legs. This reconnection, appreciation and love for my body in full has really made a difference to how my body has responded to me.
For me the revelation in this blog full of wisdom is the fact that when we don’t claim that our body is ours, that we are actually giving our power away. To me this is huge. Never have I felt the importance of the connection and relationship with my body (parts). Thank you Vicky Cooke. Now I understand on a deeper level the importance of the communication through and with my body.
I have noticed a similar phenomenon to what Vicky has described here while pushing myself too hard at work to get a certain job done. Many times when I have done this and moved faster or more harshly than my body wanted out of letting work pressure push me, I would end up scratching myself badly or knocking some body part inside the airplanes I work on. This showed me how when I am disconnected from my body while working, it’s easier to move it in a way that can potentially be harmful to it because I am letting my head lead the way.
What a gift these knocks and scratches are in asking us to reset; rebind to the natural honouring, flow that is offered by the body.
Absoltely Michael and Lucinda. Everytime we bump into something, break a nail or scratch ourselves are all lttle reminders that we are not fully present with what we are doing, and there is always a message for us that we can learn from in relation to which part of our body we have knocked. What gifts indeed, if we are willing to appreciate them as such.
They are a gift the key is whether we choose to see the knocks and bumps like this or see them as a frustration. We are given soo many reminds of how amazing we truly are we only need to stop and listen to them more often.
This blog has brought back a belief that I have always had about wearing rings on my ring finger. So often I would do this as it felt lighter and more comfortable being a right handed person and writing a lot during the day for my work. There was this fear that I was treading on trespassed land if I wore rings on the ‘ring finger’ as I was not married. I feel its time to go with what feels truth rather than a belief of what others ‘think’ is true. Thank you for writing an inspiring blog.
A great moment when we have confirmed what we have always felt, putting to bed beliefs that we have allowed to dictate our behaviour without consideration.
I used to feel this way about my breasts. I thought it was normal to not feel their sensitivity and what I would describe now as a warm glowing emanation. Sacred Esoteric Healing and the Esoteric Breast Massage supported me to become aware of the many layers of protection I have held in my body, which in turn gave me the keys I needed to start releasing them for myself.
Yes truly reclaiming all parts of our body is absolutely vital.
Without exception – for me a little more work to do as I am getting older and my body is changing a bit…
This is a great example the impact just one belief has on us.
Brilliant Vicky – great awareness to share and I can feel what you have talked about here in that my ‘ring’ finger is not fully my own it has its own reason for being, to wear a wedding band! How utterly crazy is that. Time to stop and feel if other parts of my body are ‘owned’ by a belief system rather than honoured fully by me!
It is super supportive for so many others and what gets exposed ( have read some to the comment here) when we share our experiences over old beliefs and ideals that keep us stuck on some level. So much letting go and healing can take place by sharing and expressing.
Vicky, you share the belief in relation to the ring on a certain finger, and it makes me wonder what beliefs I run around with each day that do not represent what I truly feel in my body. That is a question worth asking everyday.
Agreed Stephen, as we take a look under the microscope how many norms are there playing out that we are blissfully unaware of?
When we allow a part of ourselves to be disowned, and when we know the effect of intention alone, we have to ask what happens to it then?
Great question, and we can ask what happens to someone when they feel unloved or have no love for themselves, and it’s the same if we disconnect from one part of our body and don’t appreciate or love it – it will let us know that we are doing just that …
Reading this again I can feel how I also had the belief that we do not wear a ring on the wedding finger, unless of course we want people to think we are engaged or married, but even then we can feel the deception. I remember having a friend who was extremely lonely and pretended that she was engaged and brought herself a lovely engagement ring, but I remember having judgemental thoughts about how she’ll never get herself a guy if she has that ring on. It just goes to show how this one body part can be reserved for someone else and if that someone else never appears we are seen as less, and also how we subscribe to that.
It’s important we don’t also react to what we feel and make a mountain out of molehill so to speak. Okay I feel this about this part of my body, great, clocked it, move on.
I agree so often when we catch things and see them simply for what they are they are quick and easy to deal with. But when we make them into a big deal or try to ignore them eventually they can become overwhelming.
Yeah I got support the other day to see this situation / dilemma I was creating was actually to stop me evolving. Serge Benhayon supported me to ask myself what would my Soul do? When I asked myself this – the answer was very very clear and simple. A question I have used and will continue to use if and when I need it.
‘What would my Soul do’ is such a great question. I have used what would love do and it changes everything. I find my focus goes away from trying to make it about me to about everything and why I am actually here.
It’s true – it’s very very simple and clear. There’s no need for anything else.
And the beauty is that by asking what would my Soul do naturally without even trying it includes everyone else and is never focussed on self gain. It also takes away any thought of should I do this or that so saves a lot of the time we spend in our head thinking about things!!
Yep I agree Gyl, for me it was about being aware in a more detailed and deeper level about the relationship with my body but not to cling onto or make it a mountain out of a molehill, just learn and move forward with a different awareness and claiming of my body 💖
Yes these are amazing awarenesses to have because otherwise we don’t clock we are not living from the whole of our body. And in realising them the beliefs or whatever can be let go of because they don’t make sense when coming from the whole.
Love it Gyl – yes clock it, move on and start loving 🙂
But not only are we dismissing ourselves we are setting a platform for other people, young girls and boys to hate their body. This is also a major factor of why we need to love ourselves in full or be working towards it – because of how much it affects others too. Kids are at crisis point with one thing being so much pressure on how they look at a younger and younger age, to look more grown up and so called ‘sexy’ – this can mess with their heads, and self esteem big time.
It is so true that most of us don’t like certain parts of our bodies, and I love this call to bringing more honesty and love to our relationship with every part of ourselves.
Even though I’ve never chosen to wear a ring on my third finger for this very reason I have actually never wanted a ring on it! There is a part of me that does not want to be ‘owned’ by a ring or a man. I know this does not have to be the case as is evident in the many true marriages that I am witnessing around me, which shows me that the old beliefs run very deep when it comes to the ideal or symbol of marriage.
Its great that you have brought this subject to the table, even though I am married and tried wearing a ring on that finger I could never get used to it as I have never liked wearing or could never wear rings on any finger so I will have to look single forever or maybe I’ll give it another try that was twenty years ago.
I have never been one to wear jewellery but I do wear my wedding band. As I ponder how this feels today I am reminded that when I married my wife we felt a very clear sense that our marriage was not just about a commitment to each other but to love and to humanity – a declaration and reflection that it is safe to love, safe to commit and in fact a joy to do so. In a sense our marriage was not really for us but for this bigger picture – and as a consequence the ring I wear feels expansive rather than restricting and limiting.
What you show Vicky in your blog that from another’s or our own ideals or beliefs however small or seemingly insignificant they may be, if we don’t discern them for ourselves we take them on and accept them as being true without feeling how much they can affect us.
This blog for me calls into question the entire way we adorn our bodies, from jewellery to tattoos and clothes and what we are consciously or unconsciously aligning to. I know that in the past I used jewellery, hair cuts and clothes to show the world how offended and hurt I felt, none of my choices were based on true celebration of or in honouring my body. Learning how to heal my hurts and discover underneath that I am truly worth caring for has transformed my relationship with clothes and jewellery as I have learnt to honour what my body feels is correct for it and disregard the fake ideals that we assign to our selves. Reclaiming one finger is a significant shift in closing the door on traditions that keep us less.
Thank you, Vicky, for pointing out one of those insidious beliefs that we hold unknown for years! That, in this case, has always been as plain to see as the ring on our finger! What else have excepted as normal?
Great point Vicky, how much do we truly accept our own body and how much are we influenced by the ideals and beliefs we have taken on?
It’s a bit of a flip on the topic, but I thought I’d mention it anyway. For men it is often seen in a very opposite way; that if we wear a wedding ring we are emasculating ourselves, cutting ourselves off from the field. I know many married men who have chosen not to wear a ring; to me this can sometimes feel like a resistance on their part to fully claim the commitment and choice that they have made; a desire, if you will, to keep the door slightly ajar. I have worn a few different rings in my life on different fingers, but by a zillion, billion miles, my wedding ring on the left hand is my total favourite and still, years later, I catch glimpses of it during the day and it makes me smile.
The influence of those things outside of ourselves take root and effect us when we are left to gradually abandon our connection and clairsentience for the sake of fitting in and conforming to the small version of our otherwise full selves.
How insidious our ideals and beliefs can be…its a subtle, yet not so subtle capping of our true expression in life. The restrictions can be easily felt.
One of our body parts. although not really physical, that needs to be claimed is my inner heart. And when fully claimed and connected my whole body will be imbued by the love that naturally emanates from it and in that will reclaim every part of it.
We are so impressionable when we are young so we do take these kind of beliefs on. Traditions can hold a very strong impress so yes it is great to observe the things that have left their mark and reclaim ourselves. Great sharing Vicky.
As a woman I certainly have had parts of my body I have disliked and therefore disowned. It shows how we can so easily not appreciate all of who we are and how we can bring in dismissal to make us separate within ourselves – which would effect how we are with others too.
Body parts being owned by something else is a scary thought, but many women think their breasts are just for the men to attract, be sexual, or to feed our babies, we don’t own them as our own nurturing centres.
“It was the fact that on some level one of my fingers felt that it didn’t belong to me, that I could not claim it and it was there for someone else to claim, and this shocked me. It made me wonder what other parts of my body did I not feel belonged to me as being fully claimed and loved” — what revelation Vicky, what you’re talking about here is ownership and possession, and how much of that is subconsciously tied into the ideal of marriage and also tied in our body [parts] too.
I have also worn a ring on the ‘wedding ring’ finger to push someone away who I could feel was interested in me (and I wasnt interested in him other than as a friend) – it worked… but when I felt and saw his reaction on seeing the ring, I could feel how hurtful it was to do it in an underhand way like that, and how harmful it was to not express what I was feeling.
Wow Vicky, great to read this blog and feel how much our beliefs affect our body and how we can be separating out a part of ourselves because of a belief. How great to claim back our missing parts and fully embrace them as an integral part of us.
I was brought up with the same belief – that finger was for when you found the ‘man of your dreams’ and married! I have only ever liked to wear a ring on the same finger but opposite hand – the right hand. However a couple of years ago I decided to wear a ring on the ‘wedding ring’ finger – supposedly to claim being ‘married’ to myself, loving myself – but after a few days I could feel the lie and stopped doing it.
I can so relate to what you share here Vicky. I have attended many esoteric yoga sessions, and always there is the feeling the legs as we raise the knee and lower them again – and I have done this many times. However it was only last week that the presenter mentioned ‘have a sense of your legs’… and it dawned on me that I have not in 54 yrs had a sense of both of my whole legs! I have felt parts of a leg but never the whole of both connected to the rest of my body… needless to say this was a huge revelation for me, and has been profound to feel ever since!
In the same way as this blog has brought awareness to my saving my ‘ring finger’ for a special someone, I am starting to reflect on how I have saved other aspects of myself for someone/thing. In the past this would have been saving the best (and worst) for just those I am very close with in life rather than being transparent – though to some extent this still remains when I feel insecure and go into work mode of doing. But there are also things I have related to age – so can’t wear something because I am too old – a shirt that’s short or being playful when I think I have to be serious but actually it would be perfectly appropriate. I can let go of letting preconceptions of situations dictate how I am supposed to act and move in a way that responds to what is needed instead.
A ring can be symbolic of so much and charged with so many of our needs, projections and pictures we hold.
A ring can equally symbolise deep love and commitment and celebration of ourselves. Intent is everything.
Vicky your amazing blog triggered different memories of what was said to me when I was young. I was told my body was too skinny and later on that other parts of my body was too big. The effects of certain comments lasted for a while and they often replayed over and over in my head and some comments lasted longer than others. What I realise is that I was only affected by what other people think about my looks or my body parts if I wasn’t fully appreciating and loving every inch of my body. Now, I love every part of my body and any comments I receive I no longer take on or react. This is the beauty of fully loving and caring for our body because every inch from head to toe is deeply precious.
This blog calls out something seemingly insignificant and yet when I feel into it the ramifications are huge.
I never really thought about it in the way that in some way we disown part of our bodies, that which we not like or hold false beliefs on. It is in this way that when we don’t like a part we dissown our responsibility and our ability to change.
A very sophisticated and insidious way of ‘body (part) snatching’ – that´s what energetically is truly going on; debasing us by overriding the body´s inherent qualities that otherwise support us to be who we are and thus making us being satisfied with a lesser version of life.
I’m in the process of getting married and one of the things I didn’t like to talk about was our rings. I didn’t know why, didn’t understand at all what was going on, but I felt the reaction every time we talked about it. After a few weeks I felt the pain that was associated with a ‘simple’ ring. For me it was a symbol of being seen which in my experience has led to cruel crimes in the past. Since I allowed myself to feel so, I feel free to wear a ring and I’ve even chosen a much bigger ring to wear than I chose before. We’re deeply feeling people!
Beautiful sharing Floris and just shows how both men and women can be affected by the past. Love that you have chosen a bigger ring. Go you!
“I could also feel the insidiousness of the belief I had carried since being young that until I met someone, got married and had a ring on that finger, I was not complete!” – and how false and insidious this belief is because we are complete without needing to do anything except be ourselves.
Self hate can be such an insidious thing – we can feel like we love ourselves, but do we love every single part? I know that there is still a tendancy when I allow it, for me to disect my body into parts and find fault with it, but when I feel it as a whole and feel the qualities it expresses I cant but love it.
Thank you Vicky I have noticed this in me too: a reluctance to wearing rings on the ‘ring finder’ .There are, however, plenty of times I have heard women who are single donning a ring there so as to protect themselves from advances from men or other women.
True – this is very common, In the past we may have been judged as women for being single and unmarried and so many women aspire to have that ‘rock’ on their finger to symbolise love that often is devoid of the true loving union they seek.
It is a great thing to point out how disliking a part of our body …” whether subconsciously or consciously, we are dismissing or disowning a part of ourselves?”.. is actually living in separation or kind of dis-membered. What I love about the Universal Medicine modalities, is that you are always left feeling like you ‘re-membering’ something familiar… that quality who you truly are… that is, re-member (put back all the parts together) to feel that whole-some and fullness of you.
It is so great Vicky to dispel old myths, beliefs and ideas that hold us back. You are in charge of your own thinking now instead of being dictated to. All the tiny details of this pattern now stop and the feeling of release is pretty amazing.
This is a very relevent topic as self hate behaviours are intensifying globally. It is hard to imagine hating yourself when you feel deeply connected to your body.
So true Abby, self-hate and self-harm is increasing in our society. This could be due to many factors in life and I feel inspired to work together to expose the many forms of ideals and beliefs we hold that contributes to disconnecting us with ourselves and our relationship with our body. One of the key ingredients to supporting our connection and caring for our body is self-love, so how can we share this with the world? It is to first live self-love daily ourselves before we are able to inspire others.
I have noticed the rise in self hate behaviours as well. It is interesting when you ask people do they like looking at themselves in the mirror how many people say no and so the question begs if you do not like what you see then what are you doing about it? After all we are simply seeing a reflection of the way we have been choosing to live our lives.
I recently bought a lovely ring having not worn any at all for about 20 years. I wanted to initially put it on my “ring” finger, but was caught in that ideal too I now realise. I have just moved it from my right hand to my left and it seems to be sparkling more than it was 🙂 I think I will leave it there and feel how it goes.
What great topic and interesting read Vicky. I realise I have had this belief too.. a great one to look at today.
When we believe something is ‘wrong’ or ‘ugly’ about a particular part of our body, we then unfairly treat it with much less regard and care than everything else… However, this pulls everything down and beating ourselves up for having ugly hands, knees, legs, tummy etc. makes our entire relationship abusive, so it’s so important not to have ideals of how any limb needs to look and appreciate that 7.5 billion people will all naturally have different body shapes.
So very true Susie, when we dislike even just one part of our body it influences our whole being in the way we are with ourself, as we are constantly letting negative thoughts in and thus not feeling enough and complete how we are.
Today as an experiment I am placing my wedding and engagement rings on my other hand. I’ll let you know how it goes. I’ve already noticed that I can feel it there more and that my ring finger on my right hand is a little bigger than my left.
It awesome you have connected to your body in this way Vicky and can feel the effect of ideals and beliefs in this way. When we feel how we are with every part of our bodies we are also then able to feel the effect of the rings or jewellery we wear, our clothes and any other items. I recently put on a charity wristband and when it was pointed out to me I could feel how this was affecting me and so took it off.
I loved reading your blog and can certainly relate. I left an abusive marriage and took my wedding rings off before we divorced. Shortly after this I felt to connect back to my finger and reclaim it as my own. I realized I had been giving my power away to some unseen force that dictated what I could and could not wear on my own finger. Sometimes I get puzzled looks from people looking at my ring finger and trying to understand if I am married or not…something or someone has been exercising control over women’s fingers for far too long!
Wearing a ring on the ring finger when we’re not married or engaged is saying to the forces that I know I have bought into, actually I get to say how my body is treated from my body’s wisdom if I so choose, not you. Just this simple choice is not insignificant.
‘Could it be that we have parts of our body that we have not fully claimed or loved? And if so, how does this affect us either consciously or subconsciously?’ – awesome question. Can we truly love our selves if we do not love each and every part of our body equally. Any judgment on one part affects the whole.
Only a few days ago I was considering wearing a ring after a long time and it only seemed to fit nicely on the finger I too have been told all my life is the one assigned to being married, and I hesitated exactly because of that. But I did not reflect about it as this blog invites us too.
What is revealed here is the debilitating impact ideals and beliefs we carry can have and whenever we notice ourselves holding back or restricted in someway because of them, it can be immensely empowering and enlightening to pause and reflect.
Yesterday I was at a festival in a neighbouring village. There was a pop up vintage market there and I saw a beautiful little ring I wanted to try on. There was a moment of hesitation as I considered which finger to put it on. My partner was with me and through my head came the thought, ‘well you can’t put it on your wedding ring finger, as that will just be awkward’ and so put it on my other hand. I bought the ring and after reading your blog Vicky I have just put it on my wedding finger. It looks incredibly pretty but at the moment feels rather odd and a little risque. Amazing how deep these beliefs go.
I feel long ago a ring was a sign of commitment to one another and the life ahead, whether you were married or not and gave a signal to others that you were no longer free, so putting a ring on gave us a form of identity and protection. This was probably necessary in previous years when people were searching for a partner but we have moved on and this is no longer necessary but what you show Vicky is that the ideals and beliefs do not, and we get caught up in them even though we know they are not true
This is gorgeous Vicky, what a great revelation and one I was completed blinded from until I read your blog. I was quite stunned that we can hold beliefs like this to a level we do not realise they are there. It has got me pondering on what other ideals or beliefs might be lurking in the shadows and needing exposed.
We also talk about our partner being ‘our better half’ implying that we are not whole on our own but need to be completed by someone else – it is a consciousness that runs very deep in our society.
The world it seems is full of ideals and beliefs that tell us how we should be, rather than leaving us free to simply be us. So are we living to these ideals and beliefs or are we living our true selves in the world?
I remember Natalie Benhayon saying to me once along the lines of loving myself in full – I never quite got this until yesterday – I realised for example I don’t love all of my body – there are bits I bad mouth, have negative thoughts ability, criticise, doubt when people say they are lovely. This is really detrimental to my health – and also what I reflect to girls, women, boys and men. It’s still that culture I hate so much – of being being very negative about their bodies and body image – one that affects young girls so much. But I am adding to this by not loving myself and my body in full.
Beliefs can be seemingly subtle to hold onto – as in they may not be in our conscious everyday awareness but never the less have a big impact on our relationship with our body and expression. Love what you’ve shared here Vicky and how you’re deepening you’re relationship with your body and the way you hold yourself in the world, as an already complete women.
Oh the longing of most women to get that all important ring. So much so that the ring is often more important than the man they say yes to. The ideal is bigger than reality. We give ourselves away to an ideal.
I have put my wedding ring on my left ring finger, I look at it now and know that is where people put but wonder how I feel about how that finger has already been allocated by society of that purpose. It feels good, it is part of my commitment to living life in society but I do not feel owned by the idea of it, but choose it. But it is great to question why we choose what we choose. I have a ring I got that was a gift of love and appreciation after the wedding ring and I placed it with the wedding ring for years but it has recently moved to my right hand, same finger, we need to allow ourselves to go with what we feel not what we are told is normal. It is essential to make our own normal…it does not have to impose on any one else, but it enables us to speak and live our truth.
Thank you Vicky for illustrating the power we give away through our beliefs. What we believe – especially about ourselves – affects us every moment of every day and we must therefore be very aware and much more discerning about what belief systems we choose to align with. Perhaps one day our awareness will be so evolved that we will know the truth of things and will not need beliefs any more.
‘Ring a ding, ding,’ what an offering by Vicky about rings, and this is only the tip of the iceberg of how we are set up for a way of believing in the sanctity of a marriage, according to the church. Yes a ring is our commitment to God and the true sacredness we all have, so with our betrothed marriage is a commitment to be fully Love from all we are. Then that the love between two 2 is then shared equally with all humanity otherwise how could we be talking about Love. So when we talk about a wedding ring it is a marriage to God first which is the Love we all are and thus the divine Love that we have with our partner is to be shared equally. The ring or circle is the symbol for God and this is an energetic truth that cannot be denied.
I, too, have held the belief that only a wedding or engagement ring should be worn on the ‘ring’ finger but had not appreciated the significance of this until reading this excellent blog. It makes me wonder how many other insidious belief systems I still hold, have not nominated and renounced?
Amazing to realize just how easily we can be owned by an ideal and through with such a small part of our bodies too, as we conform to these codes of behaviour without question. So what happens if we wear a ring on our ‘wedding’ finger if we are not married? Do we get arrested? Are we making a false claim to society? Or, are we just choosing to adore our hands with a simple treasure that confirms our inner beauty on the finger that wanted to wear it today?
Vicky, this happens a lot; ‘How many of us do not like a certain body part – a bottom, knees, elbows etc – and that in doing this, whether subconsciously or consciously, we are dismissing or disowning a part of ourselves?’ When I take photographs of people it is very common for people to say that they do not like a certain body part, whether it is their nose, eyes, ears, teeth or hair, I can feel that this body part is being rejected and not accepted for how it is, when I look at these parts of peoples bodies there is absolutely nothing wrong with them, I see the gorgeous whole person and not the parts.
How much do we actually accept our body, claim it in full as ours to live in and through? Every little part not being fully accepted we must assume is owned not by us but something else, a belief or ideal and thus an energy not belong to our own making has control over an aspect of us from where we as a whole can be polluted and manipulated. Hence the necessity to claim all of our body for the only true purpose it is given to us in the first place – to honour it as a vehicle of expression of our divine aspect, the soul.
When we love ourselves and every part of us there is less room for self critique or self bashing which is an incredibly self destructive pattern that so many of us have accepted as normal.
Wow Vicky I am very much inspired of the detailed awareness that you have for your body and I can feel that at least being honest with ourself is an important ingredient to be so aware.
The ring finger has always been one of those sliding signs on doors, In/Out that lets you and others know if you should enter or in this case if you are available.
A lovely example of how presence with what we are doing can bring awareness and revealing realisations about life and the constraints and unseen forces that would otherwise continue to have a hold on the way we think and act.
Such a great revelation here Vicky, I’ve always been a bit embarrassed about my posture, I’m a bit of a sloucher but that maybe also just a picture I carry as a man that I should be straight and tall.
I love what you have exposed in this blog Vicky which is that our body belongs to us and it is up to us to claim it for ourselves and not allow beliefs and ideals to rob us of our body and being.
Vicky, I was not aware of this before I read your blog. What a beautiful insight and understanding.
Several years ago now, I sat with a very wise man – Serge Benhayon – we were both observing a singer on a stage and appreciating the qualities and power she brought through her singing voice. Then and there also, I received a great lesson, for Serge began to share about parts of the woman’s body that she herself did not fully claim/was not ‘proud of’. I got to feel how any part so unclaimed – whether it be judged, held back, void of love or dismissed – intimately and intrinsically impacted upon the whole expression of this woman, indeed through her singing voice at that time, and yet also in every movement of her body, 24/7.
And so yes, absolutely Vicky Cooke, to not shirking from claiming every iota of this body which we – amazing and divine beings that we are – inhabit. For it is the divinity, our innate beauty and amazingness, that the world deserves to ‘get’ in our every movement and expression, that is, in our every living way.
You have opened up such a vast topic worthy of the deepest exploration here Vicky – to my wholehearted applause!
In looking at that one finger alone, a myriad of beliefs is indeed opened up. From my own experience, I know what it means to wear a ring on this finger and honour all that it means in terms of my commitment in relationship with my husband, and also fundamentally, the commitment in relationship with myself that this reflects…
And yet, why shouldn’t a woman, claimed in her own body, wear a ring on that finger if it feels true to her to do so? We have so many societal ‘norms’ that are abided by, but each and every one is worthy of our questioning and deconstruction where necessary. And then, whatever our choices, they will all reflect where we stand symbolically to others, unavoidably so – e.g. a ring both worn or not worn can symbolise love, or an absence of it, cannot it not?
Your blog stayed with me all day, thinking about how I used a ring to denote status – engaged and then married and then the removal of it to signify the separation, and subsequent divorce, although, interestingly, I decided to keep the title of Mrs because I don’t like Ms. For a man it seems to make no difference if he is engaged, married, divorced or single, even widowed, but for women there is more of an attachment to it, I’m not sure why. Maybe it signals independence, loneliness, availability, but whatever it is, there is an inequality about how we perceive the relationship status of men and women. Thank you for opening up the conversation, there is much for us to explore here.
I don’t wear a ring on that left hand finger either Vicky, because of it not ‘feeling right’ on my actual finger and plus also as a single woman would signify ‘not being available’ and therefore would ‘remain single’ (!!!). I always felt there was something about this particular finger… a sacred importance, though perhaps the truth of this has got caught up in and replaced by the myriad of ideal and belief we do have as women as you write Vicky.
This is a thought provoking sharing Vicky! I don’t wear rings at all anymore, but I would only wear one ring at a time in the past. My wedding ring was a wide ring and I chose not to have an engagement ring. I feel that I have not always valued my hands and many other parts of my body either.
What if we were to place a ring on that ‘forbidden’ finger as a gesture of commitment to loving ourselves? Now that would upset the apple cart!
Our spirit loves to compartmentalise us – in this case through the promulgation of an ideal or belief – so we can never feel ourselves as whole, and never wholly embody our soul.
Great to bring it back to spirit and Soul Victoria, to see more deeply what is at play thank you
This blog increased my awareness of the insidiousness of beliefs, ideals and pictures we carry and in every choice we make there is something that has influenced that choice. This raises the question in every moment about my choices and is there something influencing a choice I am making or am I allowing truth/Love to be my way.
Very true, Christine – with the deepening of my awareness and honesty comes the realisation of how deluded I have been in my life, as I am confronted with what I have ‘bought’ into. With each drop of clarity comes a chunk of humble pie, topped with a generous amount of appreciation.
Reading your blog again Vicky reminded me of when I was around 11 or 12 being told many times my nose was too small and flat. I went through a period of not liking that part of my body for years. One day around my twenties I decided I like my nose just the way it is and the occasional comments about my nose didn’t affect me anymore. It is amazing how powerful it is to accept every part of our body because it reflects our level of self-love and shows the world we are all beautiful just the way we are, by fully claiming our inner beauty.
I am reminded of conversations I’ve heard a few times where women will discuss the parts of their body they like and those parts they ‘have an issue’ with. For me returning to appreciating the gorgeousness and loveliness of me and feeling it my body is to feel my whole body and its flow. I am not made up of legs and arms glued onto other body parts!
This blog is quite exposing Vicky in how we hold onto beliefs that can become so imbedded that we are not even aware that they are there. I hadn’t considered it before but can really relate to the fact that in regard to the ‘wedding finger’ this is a very much entrenched belief. Makes me wonder how many other ideals and beliefs am I still holding onto that I haven’t chosen to address.
Yes, other body parts come to mind, especially sexual organs where it is probably more in your face how many judgments we receive.
Vicky this is great what you share, I remember that belief shared with me too by others, that that finger is only for when you get married and like you I took on that belief too. So even though I am married, I feel I need to look at my fingers and let go of any beliefs that might be still in my body. Thank you for sharing.
Great blog Vicky – it is truly powerful to expose the ideals and beliefs we have taken on due to comments or by reflections taken on from the role models and others in our lives.
Yes, exposing and renouncing these ideals and beliefs is hugely liberating as each one is a blinker that narrows and tunnels our perspective, and therefore our understanding, of our relationships and the world in general.
Such a great topic to raise. I can feel how I have subscribed to this subliminal rule; a great one to join the myth busting pile of unnecessary beliefs that keep us bound, limiting our own true expression.
Very Powerful to read this, so true, we do separate our bodies and they are in a sense owned by ideas about them or what people and we say about them….staggering but spot on that we reduce ourselves to parts as we do and not fully claim all of us, body, mind and soul as one full expression.
There is no end to what our body reveals to us about our relationship with ourselves and to the whole.
Wow Vicky, this is brilliant. I have to say.. I too have excluded my gorgeous ‘ring’ finger, casting it aside for that one special ring — and I can feel exactly what you’ve called out here, that is subscribing to a belief that I must not adorn that part of my body in any other way that the way it is expected (i.e. with a wedding ring), means that I still have this belief running me. A humbling revelation of how subtly yet potently we can have beliefs own parts of our bodies when we do not claim our bodies and ourselves in full.
Great blog Vicky – this shows how powerful other peoples comments are when we take them on board, and how they stick with us through life.
Yes absolutely Julie and the key in what you say I say is ‘when we take them on’ because we always have a choice.
It does feel super important to fully claim all of our bodies for if we do not then we are giving them away to something else.
Yes, and it shows that how giving away even the smallest part of us prevents us from being the whole that we are.
Thank you Vicky – this is so very revealing about the ideals and beliefs we take on, so much so that we lose sight that we belong to our own bodies (or that our bodies belong to us) and that it is ok to love and nurture them for ourselves – every last lovely little inch of them!
Gorgeous comment Michelle. Our body is so precious, why would we not love, nurture and care for it like we would a new born baby? It certainly is worth taking the utmost care and love to nurture every part of our body.
If there is any part of my body that I hold to be ‘less’, it shows that I am still buying into a picture of how I ‘should’ be, as opposed to treasuring my gorgeousness in being just the way I am.
Every day we have rituals and behaviours and it is worth checking in to see if these are fully serving us or keeping us back. A great example in your blog is how we are with parts of our body and don’t even realise the sub conscious relationship we are having every day.
It is true that we can equally dismiss and disconnect from part of our body that carries an unwanted memory or abuse. The key is to love ourselves once more – every particle and therefore every part of our body.
Feeling sexy is owning every part of your body!
This is very true. Today I felt how sweet my fingers actually are. Which I’ve never allowed myself to feel so clearly. The beliefs and ideals that take us away from our body are countless! Our body could feel super loving and Divine, juicy, light and burning! Claiming our body is the only way to come to this. Thank you Vicky, I feel how it would be super suppotive for our children and teenagers to hear and feel that you CAN and are allowed to deeply care and nurture your body. That is each and everyone’s own choice to make their own choices!
This is such a tiny example of the huge imposition of the beliefs we have been given over our lifetimes Vicky. There is a great freedom when released from these shackles once we raise the awareness of how these ideas have made us feel lesser. As women, we can be very critical about different parts of our bodies instead of loving every bit, it doesn’t have to be perfect for us to love it.
What’s perfect anyway, other than just another belief?
This is true Gill, I remember as a teenager really hating my legs and was critical of others also, but who ever said that we have to have perfect body parts and who’s standard are we going by anyway – thank goodness I no longer see my legs in the same way.
This is a great level of awareness that we all have access to and deserve for how can one enjoy their own body when they don’t feel connected to it?
Vicky what a revelation to consider, there is no doubt a whole range of different body parts that depending on what culture or institutional religion someone is part of that they have not claimed as ours. It’s something I’d really not considered until your blog yet something that affects the attitude of so much of what we then do in our lives.
True DN, each body part is equally important and it is a great observation to understand that our ideals and beliefs separate us even from some parts of our body not considering them as equal important as any other part of our body. The key is to love and understand the body on a deeper level and step by step those false ideals will be revealed.
“What other comments had I taken on throughout my life on some level, even subliminally, which still to this day affect my relationship with myself, myself as a woman, and my body?!” I draw a blank when I ask myself this question although I’m certain that many of these ideals and beliefs are behind my decisions. When we are ready to let go of an ideal or belief it is revealed to us and we have an opportunity to be free of it.
We are still being affected by our past when women were seen as possessions of men and for so much of history had no rights to own property, vote etc and still today widowhood can be a financial disaster in parts of the world. There is much to heal for us to come back to true equality and it starts with our willingness to claim ourselves in full and reflect that to others.
Very true Helen and the more we unpack it and let ourselves feel it then we become very aware of how much we are still being affected and how, and what we are still choosing.
Wow this is such an amazing topic to explore. My instant reaction was that I disown all my fingers because I feel I have large knuckles (and also raised veins on the back of my hands) so try to keep them out of sight. The only time I have worn a ring was when I was married but can feel that if I chose to honour my fingers more now and started wearing rings I would struggle to put one on my ring finger because of the beliefs that I took on growing up which I have never challenged. Thank you Vicky for exposing the many ways that we diminish our bodies by the insidious beliefs that we have unconsciously taken on. I have been appreciating more about myself generally over recent years but can still feel that I am being held back from celebrating myself as a woman because of these ideals and beliefs that blogs like this are supporting me to uncover.
Our veins carry the ‘river of love’ through our bodies, something to truly celebrate!
I love your awareness in this blog Vicky and shows just how we can disconnect or separate ourselves from different parts of our bodies and how insidious ideals, pictures and beliefs can be on our connection to the whole. When we begin to undo these finite details held we can deepen and confirm our full connection to every part of our bodies. Which is a marriage made in heaven.
A very powerful realisation Vicky, that a particular part of your body was essential put aside for someone else, forgotten about and not considered as though it was yours. I was feeling recently that the my own hands needed more care love and attention, now I can see why.
This proves how ideals and beliefs can control how we move and how we choose to be with our bodies. Thing is, that most of these ideals and beliefs are so normal that they are not considered harming or invasive to our way of being.
Ah yes, the taboo of wearing a ring on your wedding finger when your not married – I have done this, I had a beautiful ring I would wear because I am left handed and it fitted on that finger – to me it meant nothing more than an expression of myself – but other people used to question me on it, saying it felt like I was cutting myself off from men by putting out the idea I was engaged because that’s what others would think. Although at the time I didnt feel this to be true, I realise now that I haven’t worn a ring since.
I feel this is one of those blogs I read and the questions expand my awareness of how this plays out in my life too. Very curious moments ahead for sure! Thank you Vicky.
The diamond ring is such an ideal for so many women. It is common knowledge that the third finger on the left hand is for the engagement and wedding ring. I should think that because of this there are a great deal of women who feel an emptiness and feel less if they do not have a ring on this finger. It’s such a huge one to break down. Thank you Vicky for starting this off.
I understand what you are talking about. When I got my marriage ring and put it on my finger for the first time, I felt claustrophobic, as though in that simple action I was feeling the whole package of consciousness or ideals that go along with marriage, and what it means. And it took me weeks before I could actually claim the ring as my own.
Thanks for sharing this Adam, that this is not just something that affects women, but men too. It is easy to take a view that women may be harder done by amongst all this, but in truth we are all equally affected either directly or indirectly through the ideals and beliefs that make us lesser.
I wonder how many men have perhaps felt as you have yet not been able to express so?
This blog is fantastic Vicky and I can share that I have been going through a similar thing of late. I bought a new ring and it fits perfectly on my “wedding band” finger. I too have had to claim back that finger for myself. The beliefs and ideals that we take on are huge and if we do not address them we become mere puppets to them. Good on you for exposing this.
Thank you Vicky, what I especially love about your piece here is how you nominate something that could be regarded as very small and insignificant and yet you relate it not only to the bigger picture of how we are with ourselves (thus making it very significant indeed) but also how we perhaps need to consider what it is that we are passing down for generations to come – that is, how are we to shape the future? Beautifully written by you in such understandable ways.
Vicky this is a brilliant observation that I can totally relate to, its fascinating and bizarre to clock how long we can carry these beliefs and in turn disown parts of our own body. When i was a child i was always told if it was sunny outside not to waste the day inside but to get into the sun. One day many years later in my 40’s i found myself in a cafe reading a Treaties on Consciousness by Serge Benhayon, as i read the sun got brighter outside and began beaming through the windows, i suddenly sat up, it was like an involuntary twitch, my head was demanding that i get out into the sunshine, I stopped & asked myself honestly what i truly wanted to do;…..it was to stay put reading my book, just like the ring on your finger, it was a small seemingly insignificant moment, yet revealed so much about how i am still holding onto energetic imprints from my childhood, indeed it was testament to all that i had been reading.
I have not grown up with this belief to never put a ring on a finger because it is waiting for a wedding ring but it exposes how ideals and beliefs are having a detrimental impact on our body and we never feel whole although we think we are. Do I claim and love every single inch of my body? No, you invite me to check my relationship with every part of my body and to undo any belief or ideal that is still affecting me in loving my whole body and to take deeper care .
I so relate to this Vicky! It does feel quite sneaky to wear a ring on that ‘particular finger’, but as you’ve shared this is crazy because just like every other part of our body we can express and dress it just the same, regardless of the old connotations of what it’s supposed to represent.
Lovin it Vicky, absolutely every single inch of us, every single cell that makes up that inch deserves as much love as the rest of us and the more we address these silly beliefs that are far from truth the better.
How easy it seems to lace whole nations and cultures with beliefs about a ring on a certain finger and how so many people obey the ‘don’t put a ring on that finger unless you’re engaged/married’ without question or in fear of superstition.
There are many parts of my body that I have not also been aware of or fully loved or claimed throughout my life. While this is changing and deepening it is incredibly insightful to realise just how much tensions, tightness, hardness and coldness we can hold in different parts of our own bodies, the things we live in each and every moment of the day and not even realise we are living with such restrictions.
I love this Vicky, what a great observation. When I was married I did wear an engagement and wedding ring on my left hand, and often felt if I took them off I would be breaking some kind of unwritten rule. When I consder it now there was alot of anxiety around it as it has always been such a strongly held belief. But I also understood that apart from the ‘tradition’ of wearing rings on that particular finger, one of the reasons for doing so was because of the direct physical connection that it has to the heart and therefore the ring is a symbol of deep connection of love for each other. I not sure if this is true, but it does seem to make sense.
Great blog Vicky and thankyou for sharing your awareness and exposing the beliefs we take on that means certain parts of our bodies are not fully claimed. For years I disliked my legs intensely, because they were not long and slender ( as portrayed in magazines and the fashion world). It is amazing how we can dislike our own bodies or parts of them anyway, and how this affects us on every level.
That is so cute that your sons gave you a ring. This also brings up how we assume things about another immediately change the way we relate to them if someone has a ring on this finger. I know from past experiences people actually look at this finger for a sign to see if someone is single or not .. so therefore gaging how they express or treat another purely based on this instead of truly meeting them for who they are not if they are ‘single’ or not.
Well said Vicky. What a great thing to observe and feel. I can certainly feel how old belief systems have affected my relationship with my body, particularly those containing religious ideals. In fact I am aware that there are beliefs that negate the whole body as ‘sinful’ – ‘the sins of the flesh’. Do we completely dismiss our whole bodies at times?
Awesome expose Vicky of how we dissect parts of our bodies (and in the case of female mutilation, quite literally) with our cultural ideals and hence dismember ourselves. The moment has come to begin dismantling these ideals that prevent us from genuinely and tenderly claiming every inch of our bodies with love and adoration, so that we can share all of our glorious selves with the world.
Vicky you have raised a point that I was aware of on some level but hadn’t fully clocked consciously. Having never married I too have taken on the same belief that some part of me is lacking in regards to wearing rings. I have never worn a ring on that finger either because, ”it is only an expression of engagement or marriage.”
I wonder how women feel about their whole bodies when they live in cultures and communities that believe a woman is dirty when she has her period? There are communities that don’t let women in certain areas or touch certain things when they are menstruating, that’s a pretty heavy belief to avoid bring affected by. Having said that there are still many places in the world where simply being a woman is believed to be a curse and so what must life be like living under those crippling beliefs?
Do I claim and love every part of me? I certainly love myself more than I can remember but I still find fault, the skin that isn’t as firm as it once was, the extra lines which I would prefer weren’t there and so on, yet the truth of the matter is that the more I love and claim every inch of my body and me the beauty that shines from within is like nothing else so why have I allowed a few ideals and beliefs to get in the way of absolutely loving every single part of me in full?
This has raised the question what does the ring symbolise and I have always felt that it is part of my commitment to God, with the ring being a circle, which is the symbol for God, so it is not just for my wife then – I feel my relationship is universal.
Hi Vicky, a great exposure about an insidious belief. I have also avoided to put a ring on that finger for myself, because like you, that finger is reserved for an engagement or wedding ring. Says who? It’s my finger. Interesting to feel into what other parts of my body I haven’t really claimed. For example, there are certain parts we don’t see (unless in a mirror), are these parts claimed, loved and cherished as much as all the other parts?
Wow, yes Vicky I can absolutely relate to what you have written but had never clocked it. We carry so much on an unconscious level that only gets revealed with honest exploration. This is certainly something for me to explore.
A great exposure, Vicky, of one of the many ideals and beliefs we take on in our lives without really considering whether it is true or supports us to be more.
Great exposure Vicky. It has taken me a long time to love all of me.
Fabulous blog Vicky because it’s super revealing of how traditions – those accepted and rarely challenged ways of life, keep us from claiming our selves fully – even down to the tiniest detail. The taboo on your ring finger being a great example.
It is amazing how an awareness you had, like the ring finger, exposes the consciousness that we live amongst has the capacity to corrupt Free-Will.
A micro detail of a macro issue. And love that you have now got engaged/married to yourself!
The ultimate marriage to say ‘I am’ to is the marriage to our whole being.
ha ha yes there is a little bit more work to do here but I am getting there : )
This is shocking, how insidious and ingrained beliefs and ideals are and separate us from body parts and as such from ourselves.
Interesting after my marriage broke down I recall removing my wedding ring and felt I was free. What i really felt was that now I was open to other relationships again. If I had worn a ring on ‘that finger’ I felt I would have removed myself from the marketplace! Shocking to realise that was how i felt then!
All of my adult life I have had jobs that wearing rings was and still is a hazard. So, I have a wedding in a box rather than my finger.
Vicky, this is so interesting to read, I have also avoided putting a ring on this finger because of the belief that this is only for married women – it seems crazy now to live by such rules and ideas when like you say its my body. I also have had a disconnection with my legs because I always thought they were too chunky so I kind of just ignored them and it is only now that they have been painful that I am starting to pay them attention and care for them.
It is interesting how the finger you talk about Vicky is often referred to as the wedding finger, and people would assume that if you had a ring on that finger you were either married or engaged. In my childhood it would be frowned upon if you put a ring on this finger if you were not betrothed to someone so I can see how it is possible to feel that it is a part of the body that you don’t feel belongs to you. Having recently got married and the moment the ring was put on this finger I remember feeling a sense of commitment, not so much to my husband but to everyone and I could feel a shift in my body as i felt the expansion and joy of what this meant.
When we look at what people do to change their body, the attempt complying to a certain body image from clothes, make-up, sports, diet to more extreme measures like tattooing, surgery etc we may assume that ideals, beliefs and or ‘curses’ we hold in our body and psyche are the underlying cause. It is worth to explore this personally as well as publicly so that we get to know ourselves and make choices to no longer be controlled by subconscious and or unconscious forces.
We can wear rings in so many ways and definitely there are many ideals and believes around wearing a wedding/engagement/commitment ring. In truth though as I found, it can be a constant celebration of being married or engaged or in a committed relationship.
A most wonderful observation Vicky as to how ingrained beliefs can, not only cause separation between people and countries but between parts of our body as well. As I was reading I took a ring off my middle finger and placed in on my ring-less ‘ring’ finger and I have to say it felt very weird indeed. Time to check out the rest of my body to see if there are parts I still haven’t claimed – starting with my nose!
‘Waiting for someone’ before we feel complete… this is one of the most insidious ways we diminish ourselves and I love that your sons kept inspiring you to claim your worth with the ring they gave you.
Yes to the questions you pose at the end of this article, Vicky. And thank you for inspiring me to review my relationship with my body and spot any parts of it that I have compartmentalised off either because of beliefs adopted or because of a judgment about its imperfection. Definitely an opportunity to deepen my understanding and care for myself.
Great blog Vicky, it took me back to when I got engaged and went to buy the ring and the feeling that my finger was very special because it bore the commitment between two people to cherish each other for the rest of our lives. I also remember using a ring on what I call my ‘wedding’ finger to show men I was off limits as I worked in a male dominated industry and it was a great way to ward off unwanted advances by flashing my ring to let them know I was taken so to say. Where on earth do these ideals and beliefs come from? By writing this blog it feels you are exposing a can of worms so to say that needs to be explored.
I remember as a youngster, one of the first things I would notice was if a woman was wearing a wedding or engagement ring. To me it was a badge that said someone loved her enough to have committed to marriage. I desperately wanted this badge to, and also never wore a ring on that finger, because it was reserved only for a wedding ring. These strange rules we impose on ourselves don’t often get questioned so your blog is great Vicky.
I too remember wanting to be able to wear a ring on ‘that finger’, to show the world i was loved. Yet i didn’t love myself then – which is why I wanted an outward confirmation that i was worthy of love.
These strange rules we impose…my children opened up an umbrella inside last week and I found myself telling them it was bad luck….this was just a reiteration of something I have always been told, but never felt to be true, its time to break down these seemingly old beliefs and tales that only serve to constrict our true movements.
There are definitely parts of my body that I have not ‘loved’, that I have been very critical of. However, allowing myself to feel into this more, I feel the lack of self care – my ‘loathing’ has come from the deep hurt I feel from my disregard for that area of my body. I used to bite my nails and always hid my fingers, or clenched my fists so my fingernails didn’t show. I certainly never painted my nails as I felt they were so ugly. Now that I don’t bite them anymore, I appreciate how elegant and beautiful they are and always were, it was my abusive behaviour chosen to relieve the tension I was feeling at the time that led me to disfigure them.
I too bit my nails for many years and never wore rings – apart from my engagement and wedding rings at age 22. And I too curled my fingers under when newly engaged – so people wouldn’t see my sore and bitten fingernails. The good news is that when i began to address my lack of self-loving (thanks to Universal Medicine my biting fingernail habit began to gently disappear without any trying. I now occasionally wear rings and love my hands and nails.
I relate very much Alison to your sharing. I felt for such a long time that my feet were ugly and so never even had the thought to paint my toe nails! And it was easy to hide my feet in shoes and I would never wear ‘open’ shoes or sandals. That said and for some time now I have given my feet a lot of attention as I started to massage them daily and this felt so good. A few months ago I was sharing a room with a friend. I was sitting on my bed with my bare feet and my friend’s comment was when she saw my feet was; ‘you have such delicate feet’. Well I almost fell of the bed! And guess what she was right, when I took a closer look, my feet were very delicate, but it took this remark to completely change my perception of my feet.
What if we simply let every part of our body emanate love? It would be so much simpler than dividing up the body into different purposes, for some parts to belong to others, and for other parts to be rejected as not good enough. Just one love – simple.
“..What if we simply let every part of our body emanate love?..” yes exactly Melinda!… What if?… the movement and flow connected to would be exquisite-ness in motion…
We have a way of dismissing and not loving the parts of our bodies that do not function as well as they could but what if we looked at these parts differently and understood the energetic message our bodies are giving us, then would we not love those parts of ourselves all the more?
Great topic Vicky. How insidious and harmful are beliefs when they result in us excluding a body part or cause us to feel incomplete? But that’s what beliefs do, they constantly erode and chip away at the truth so that its no longer recognisable.
When we choose to believe anything we prevent ourselves from being the truth that we already are, no seeking needed.
I wore an engagement ring with pride for four years and a wedding ring for 37 and, when I left the relationship, I changed my surname back to my own family surname by Deed Poll and took the ring off my finger. It took me ages to stop feeling for the ring with my other fingers – I realised that I’d been anxiously turning it for years as a kind of comforter because it was always there. Reclaiming my name was also significant, in claiming back me. Now I don’t wear any rings at all and enjoy the freedom that brings my hands.
Wow Vicky, this is brilliant and it is so true what you’ve shared. I don’t like wearing rings anymore but I can feel how I too held the same belief around the same finger. I was not aware of this until I read your blog. Now I am more aware of how these similar beliefs are affecting my relationship with the rest of my body.
Fascinating and reflective Vicky, love the way you draw out the belief residing in actual body parts.Yes, every part of us belongs to us, sounds absurd to even say this, though do we unconsciously towards consciously know it, live, dress, treat, respect and honour this, or not and live in otherwise unconscious ownership.
I like it Vicky, and a very good exercise is to check in with the body, feel each part and understand our relationship with it. In regard to the ring finger I can feel how strongly there is a belief that this is only for relationships, but really we can do whatever we feel and need not be bound by any made up societal conventions.
A great opportunity to be aware of the parts of us that we feel another’s opinion owns us. Hair colour is a favourite of mine to claim for myself – so many women and men don’t fully embrace the natural change of their hair colour due to impressions, and impositions from others. Not to mention the old belief that it is ageing!
Great post, it goes to show there is always more to discover about our body.
I remember quite some years ago where I held that belief around my ring finger and I realised, this finger isn’t only destined to be adorned if I get married, and so I bought myself a lovely ring to celebrate me and wore it on that finger. This too was a learning because I realised the choice of stone that I chose to have the ring made in was from a belief of what that would give me so had to let the ring go.
I like what you have shared here Vicky, and I can relate. Putting the ring on and it almost feels weird and what is funny is I have had moments standing there thinking, is it the left side or the right side and then thinking who cares but to even consider it shows how strong that belief that “that said finger is only for your wedding ring” really is.
Who knew you could find so much in a finger but it’s true I just never have bought an awareness to it. I have never been much of a jewellery wearer but I can see from this article that there is a definite belief around this particular finger and possibly around other parts of us. I must admit I have never really considered wearing a ring around that finger until I was married which confirms what the article is saying. Something so small and yet look what it does to us all when it’s taken on and not questioned on feeling. This is such a simple and yet great article.
Vicky this is amazing! It’s like I’ve heard these beliefs and taken them on and I have barred myself from a part of myself that I have reserved for a future person my whole life. This is crazy! I only usually wear one ring because I don’t like the feel of them but I have one jade ring that feels very tender on my finger as it isn’t heavy, doesn’t catch and doesn’t get in the way. I often take it off during the day and play around putting it on other fingers – this just helps me keep in my body. I always put it on the ‘ring finger’ but always take it off in case someone asks if I’m engaged or whatever. It’s like I can go to that part of me that I’ve saved for someone else temporarily, only playing.
Now this is interesting. It’s not just a few mms on my finger I’ve save but it comes with an ideal that you save the best for a special person and no-one else. Time to let this go!! I’m to know all of me, all the sacredness I am and share this quality with everyone I meet.
You touch on two major subjects here Vicky, one of them being the relationship with our own body and how much we can love and be present in each part of it, the other being ideals and beliefs that restrict us in our expression. For many centuries (if not longer) there have been widely accepted ideals about our bodies and what we can and cannot express. Although those beliefs may change and seemingly be setting us more free, the fact remains that as a society we seem to always be flowing an ideal or belief, and even when rebelling against them seem to not fully be able to free ourselves from them. Only when we deeply connect to our bodies and from there become aware of the beliefs we hold can we truly renounce them and be free of them.
A trick of the human spirit is that it compartmentalises a body that by definition HAS to work as a whole.
I have never considered this before but as I read your blog I realised that I held the same belief- that I couldn’t wear a ring if I wasn’t married. I also held beliefs around that I couldn’t wear make up if I wasn’t attractive and there are certain shops or clothes that I can’t wear too. Very interesting read- thank you
A beautiful understanding and example of the beliefs we carry in our lives and also the importance of claiming and nurturing all our body every part of it.
This is such a good point Vicky. I have never worn a ring on my wedding ring finger for that very reason. This is worth pondering deeply.
This exposes that those ideals and beliefs we take on are actually curses that cripple us, often without even recognizing it as many beliefs we take for granted, the norm or even hold high as very good.
Thank you Vicky – a very well chosen subject, that brings up a lot of images and ideals we have walked with. Put over the actual feelings and knowing within ourselves.
From very very young, I always wanted to have a ring with a diamond, I loved everything about it, the shine, the colors, the reflection, the angles etc. So I wished, when I was big, to get one ! This was a simple feeling and very pure. So I was getting older, now 23years of age, and I could sense that the older I was getting, the more ideals I started to pick up.. Like: you better wait until you meet a men that buys you one, you should get one when you are married, you can not buy that for yourself that is way to expensive, all these thoughts were coming in when I was getting closer to buy myself a ring. So my first one was a surprise by my parents, I was super proud and would wear it.. So then I would wear it, but all of a sudden people started to make comments like: ah, are you married, who is your man etc. etc. I could feel inside me a little shrinking, like oh, am I doing something wrong, I should not wear it on my ring finger next time, I should not have this diamond ring, people will think I am just pretending to be loved by someone(married) etc etc. All these thoughts and ideals came in. I started to feel that this is not love, those thoughts werent mine and that I felt this enormous joy having received this ring as a present and so I continued wearing it. And so my next point in life I felt impulsed to by myself a ring, as a symbol that I am loving myself, and so to honor my great work I have done so on now having become a nurse, and most importantly knowing myself. I felt to honor that, and people around me felt that to – so we bought a diamond ring with a bigger diamond. Then these thoughts came around again and those comments were now made more often, are you married, why are you wearing that, … etc. etc.
What I learned from this to stay very true with myself of what I know to be true for me: so in this case it is wearing this gorgeous ring that reflect me the universe. And that means I will be someone who breaks the lies about when to wear a ring and not. There is no such thing as rules. As indeed our body is ours, not someone elses.. It opened my eyes that even though comments like these are made : I should always discern where those comments made from: a place of ; jealously, truth, comparison, dishonesty, anger, frustration or love. And to not see it as bad when people say those things, but to actually confirm what is true and choose to continue that truth forward in my life.
Danna the unwavering quality in you that you have described with the wearing of these two rings is relatable to many other aspects of love and demonstrates the critical importance of not giving up on ourselves and a commitment to be discerning in our interactions with others. Thank you.
Beautiful what you have shared here Dana and awesome you have claimed this for yourself. Reading the comments a few people have said this ‘so in this case it is wearing this gorgeous ring that reflect me the universe.’ that a ring is not a reflection of a certain type of relationship with one person but their relationship with the Universe. This is so inspiring and breaks the ill consciousness around this belief that a relationship with one person is far more important than a relationship with another, after all we are so much more than think and live … we are multi-dimensional. When we have truly claimed something for ourselves it doesn’t matter what other comments people make because the relationship with ourself is stronger than the comments being made.
Well, hear hear, well said Vicky Crooke. When we have a deep relationship with ourselves – we will stand with all that connection, a foundation of truth and love (comes from a deep love for oneself and people) that is interconnected – to the universe. No matter then what comments are made. The more we live that with ourselves first – the more we hold our relationship with others. No matter if the situation is bad or good.
You know Vicky reading this today has shocked me a little as I’ve just realised that I too have similar ideas and it’s crazy when I read this ‘one of my fingers felt that it didn’t belong to me, that I could not claim it and it was there for someone else to claim, and this shocked me.’ and understand that is how I’ve lived. What I feel is a waiting for permission to be considered fine or having passed something because I’ve ticked that box whatever it may be, having someone give me a ring or something else. So now I’m considering where else this may also exist and in fact are there ways I move which are proscribed to be about getting approval from others or do I love and claim my body in how I feel to. This feels like pulling a stitch and watching it unravel to unpack false cloaks we’re hidden behind.
Beautifully expressed Monica
It is so important belief systems are exposed and awareness brought to them. How many of these belief systems sit dictating a framework or description of who we are, particular defined by others in response to what they see e.g. ring on the left hand and second finger. We take on these unwritten messages and allow them to dictate our choices, what we see and how we treat others.
Vicky you are so spot on. Reading this was like catching the curse or energy in the act. I can totally relate to the ring finger, just reading your blog I could feel that my finger is owned by a belief.
“claimed and loved every single inch of our bodies…” here here Vicky. Every single inch. For sure.
I used to separate my body parts into those I liked, those I did not, those I loved, and those I despised – I was like the walking dismembered! Claiming and loving every single inch…I have started that process, and it is a loving work in progress, but one that is highly recommended because we are in fact, whole, yes a sum of our parts, but whole….and that is how we should walk around this earth. From our head to our toes (and our fingers ;-)).
Great blog Vicky and great observation about how certain beliefs can make us conform to them or rebel against them – neither of which is true.
Great blog and observation Vicky – disowning any part of our body by not liking it or avoiding it is so disempowering – buying into an ideal of perfectionism being our only worth.
Loving every single inch of our body sounds like a great plan of action ! How fascinating that we can take on these ideas of what life should be even down to our ‘ring’ finger!
Yes I agree. My body was all over inspired by the feeling of being appreciated as one body completely.
Thanks Vicky – this is great reading and understanding the beliefs that come around the ring finger. I also had this belief because I was told this growing up. So very exposing. And it also exposes how I was when I got engaged and how I was looking at women’s hands to see if they were taken or not.
I like what you have observed here Vicky as it makes it so very clear and tangible how, with all the ideals and beliefs we take on, we disown ourselves and sell ourselves to the different needs, requests and demands.
Great discussion it had me pondering what else have I reserved for a certain passage or passing of time. So many of these pictures lay buried?
I’ve worn an engagement and wedding ring on my finger for 17 years this month and I had never considered this. Feeling it now, there is so much there! It’s like from the day I got engaged that finger has had a different meaning from all my other fingers… more of a royalty per say. Wow! A finger that believes it’s better than it’s other fingers because it’s dressed up with rings and the ties to being married…. this happens everyday out in the world, and is playing out in our bodies as you have so brilliantly brought to everyone’s attention. Thanks Vicky.
Vicky this is an amazing thing to consider, I too had held that belief and I am sure there are many others, like certain things have to be done a certain way and only in or under certain circumstances. All of these stop me from allowing myself to express as needed or allow me to honour what i feel in full.
A great blog! How interesting to observe if we neglect certain parts of our body or caring for ourselves – and exploring the deeper meaning in this. Quite often like you have shared, I have found that when there was a part of me I was not accepting it is because I was carrying a belief about how I should be in that part and was always abiding. In that and not realising, until I chose to question it. When we question the source of these beliefs we get to feel how we were at the time of first commencing the belief – and the imposition that it came with.
Hmm this is fascinating to read your blog and the comments. I was married for a while and wore a ring on that finger however it never felt to me that this particular finger did not belong to me, or that it belonged to my husband, but there was an exquisite feeling of being married to the world, and since taking the ring off my finger still feels like mine and I still love the feeling that I am married to the whole world.
That’s very beautiful and inspiring Meg.
I loved the simplicity of blog yet enormous. The belief of not wearing ring on a particular finger unearthed the traces of a lot of things we do that has something hidden and unknown at times. It is so ingrained that we don’t even know that we are driven by those beliefs and ideals. Thank you for sharing!
This blog highlights how much our beliefs and ideals limit us. Returning to our body is the only way to reinstate what is true.
This is a discussion for everyone – unpicking all the ideals and beliefs that we unconsciously carry from young about different parts of our bodies. We are often laced by comments that friends and family make about our physical appearance.
This opens the conversation for us all to ponder the truth of how much we see our selves as parts. Not just of the physical body, but of the reality where our mind will run our body without the respect of what the body needs.
This is s beautiful blog Vicky, and I can relate to avoiding wearing rings on the ‘marriage finger’ on the limited number of occasions I have felt to wear such jewellery.
What is most profound about your blog is the question posed about parts of our body we have not claimed as our own – I have been observing this a lot lately with my hands and wrists that at times I feel disconnected from, typically when I have essentially told myself they belong to my day work and getting a job done – very functional and not me with them in this. When I do connect with them as my own hands and allow me to express through them, they can feel incredibly beautiful, warm and very tender and delicate and also sometimes hard and tense because of how I have used them in disconnection. A great focus to simply claim my hands back, wonderful.
The other thing that came up as an insidious belief on reading your article was that a woman’s breasts and uterus are not her own – that they belong to the man to support him to procreate and that if I do not fulfil this role in society I am a disappointment… oh I had not felt that I carried this one and how this has limited me from feeling ok to claim these aspects of me for myself without guilt or shame. It also explains why sometimes I have difficulty connecting with my uterus in particular (images of chastity belts and reserving this part of oneself for marriage etc). And just for clarity I am certainly not blaming the men for this belief, just nominating what the belief is that I have held as a woman.
Hi Susan it is great that you have felt how when you focus and lovingly attend to parts of your body such as your hands you feel something shift. And as you have shared there is a lot more to discuss with this topic as to what other parts of a women like the breasts or uterus can hold ill beliefs and can have guilt and shame around them or be treated as objects instead of the innate preciousness, sacredness or delicateness they hold.
Since I wrote this I can feel that the Marriage traditions where the father of a woman ‘gives away’ his daughter to the man she is to marry has fuelled some of the beliefs I have held that the woman’s body belongs to the man and never is really owned by herself. Amidst this is also a belief that a father must approve of the man his daughter is to marry and that her choices are to always be vetted. And I have also felt expectations that it will be a man that the woman will choose to marry without the openness for her to be with a woman partner if this is what is true for her. This for me is exposing just how much I have and continue to make choices that will be ‘approved of’. I can appreciate that are some choices I am willing to make outside of this game, but can hide them or not claim them in full which means I am still moving my body in a way to meet certain pictures / others needs rather than deeply honouring all that I am.
Brilliantly said Susan. Very exposing and beautiful. It is the beliefs we buy into that bind us not the ‘other’ people that ‘believe’ what is false.
I’m realising how many ideals and beliefs there are around the whole concept of wearing a wedding or engagement ring, why do we do it, what does it mean to us personally and to others and why is it that it can be important to us that our partner also wears a ring? ….. much to ponder on.
I’ve never had the feeling of incompleteness around not being married (when I wasn’t), but I can relate to the sense of a taboo around reserving THAT finger for that one purpose and that one purpose only. As you’ve exposed here Vicky, it’s an illusion, a belief we’ve all bought into, and a collective giving away of our power to an unnamed authority outside of ourselves.
Great blog Vicky, “How many of us do not like a certain body part – a bottom, knees, elbows etc ” there is not one person on this planet who has not felt this at some point in their life, if they say they haven’t they are lying. I know I don’t love my body as a whole, I love it in parts. How can we have a body of love if we don’t love every little single bit of us including for example say we are overweight, even that part. As in not hating yourself for being overweight or fat, acknowledging it, accepting why you may be over weight, and loving doing something about it, rather than chastising ourselves about it or how we look. We don’t actually realise even if we say we do the detrimental effect this has on everyone in this world.
Brilliant observation and blog, Vicky, thank you. I can so relate to this feeling of ‘that’ finger being different to my other fingers, whether there is a ring there or not is often taken as a sign of our ‘availability’, despite the fact that many people may choose not to wear a ring at all, or even wear it on their right hand, especially in Europe.
This is gorgeous to read Vicky. I know you were talking not specifically about fingers but I feel it is very important for our fingers to claim them. We use our fingers all the time but is it out of automatic pilot or really being present and feeling them? It totally can change the world if we touch something with preciousness and love.
It is amazing how many beliefs or ideals we carry without really knowing and how much they then insidiously affect our choices. Its great the more of these we catch and then reclaim the truth we know.
This is so brilliant to expose Vicky. Wow, I hadn’t felt this until now – what you say is spot on. It is shocking to feel how that finger on my left hand has not belonged to me. I do wear my wedding rings on it so now I’m just pondering on claiming it back without throwing the baby out with the bath water!
What a great blog Vicky! My partner and I chose to get engaged (to each other 😄) recently and I struggled wearing my engagement ring at first because it felt so strange. I can now see that my reaction to ideals and beliefs around marriage were getting in the way of my relationship with both my engagement ring and my finger. My engagement ring is being resized at the moment but when I get it back I will let myself feel whatever is there to be felt.
What an awesome opportunity to allow your finger to be yours from the very start Leonne 🙂
I love how you are allowing yourself to feel into what feels right for you, Leonne. When I got engaged and then married, I just followed the ‘tradition’, without stopping to consider whether that felt ‘true’ for me. That’s not to say I would have chosen differently, but I can feel how very honouring of oneself it is to allow the space to do so.
Great exposure Vicky and so true. Beliefs and traditions can absolutely be taken on unquestioned and as such interfere with the way we would otherwise think and behave, let alone treat ourselves. It is indeed insidious in the harm it causes if it taints in any way our ability to honour and claim ourselves in full.
To claim back our full body, every part of it and make it to ONE body that is in my presence is more powerful and has more effects as we may think it has. To put us in parts is a method to keep us separated – from us and from each other…and from God, at the end. We are made to be one, united. As a body and as beings. So: yes, powerful claiming back. Congratulations Vicky.
Wow what an excellent observation Vicky – that certainly rings true.
Well done for claiming back your finger. I never had that particular one as I don’t wear any rings and am married but I can certainly see how it would be true for many, many people. I will ponder on what curses like that I might have taken in.
boom boom 🙂
Disowning parts of our body – what an apt description of the way we can so easily dismember ourselves into parts we like and don’t like, even hate in some instances. And what an insane way to treat ourselves – and yet so common.
And what an inspiration to overview our body with respect and care, building an honouring relationship with the whole.