My Addiction to Buying Clothes

About 8 years ago I lost 25 kilos. At the time I was using food to fill an emptiness in me, although I now see how I had learnt to control my eating and weight but never really dealt with the issue underneath, so it popped up again in a different form – this time through buying clothes.

When I was a child we didn’t have a lot of money so my mum and grandma would make our clothes. My sister and I got a new dress each year in October to go to a show and if we made our first communion or confirmation, then we got two dresses that year. As I got older and had clothes made for me, I would pick a pattern and design how I wanted it to be made. It was always a joke in my family that I would never get a dress or pattern without wanting to make changes to suit my body.

Before I got married I remember buying three new dresses. I would save my good clothes for good and I didn’t really wear them. Then when I eventually got rid of clothes, they always looked as if they had never been worn and that was because I hardly wore them!

After I had my second baby, my mum and sister took me shopping. They thought that I needed to get a few things as I was still wearing my maternity clothes nine months after my baby was born. That day I bought two outfits that I could mix and match. I loved what I bought, especially a bone top and a khaki pair of long shorts. I felt beautiful in them. I also remember buying a beautiful grey tracksuit. I wore these clothes all the time; I didn’t put these clothes in my cupboard and not wear them.

When my first marriage ended and I shifted to Brisbane, I started to buy more clothes. At first I would buy really expensive dresses to go out in the evening. However I didn’t go out, so I didn’t wear them, and they would sit in my wardrobe. I spent more money on those ‘good’ clothes that I didn’t wear and not on things that I could wear each day. I stopped this and then started to look for a good bargain and I would find myself saying, “It only cost $10.” But I did wear them.

Two years ago I started work in a clothes store and I began to buy clothes on sale. They were now quality things that I was buying because they were on sale, so cheap and such a good buy and I was saving so much money… never giving any thought to, “Do I really want or need this item?” I had gotten sucked into something that I was losing control over. Sometimes I would stop and have short periods of saying to myself, “No, you don’t need that,” but the moment I bought something, it would start all over again. Pretty scary!

I knew my needing to buy clothes was about something else. I felt something was missing. I was missing something and I was using clothes to fill up this something. I felt that I needed something ‘out there’ to fill an emptiness that was in me. The more I bought, the worse I felt.

I wasn’t filling an emptiness, I was feeding the emptiness.

I got to a point where I could feel a change in my body as I would buy something. It was like my body was telling me something, but I didn’t want to stop and feel what it was, – I didn’t want to listen to my body. I noticed how I would start to feel racy, disconnected, unsettled and guilty all at the same time.

One morning I added up all the dockets that I had spent on clothes since I had started working in the clothes store. I was pretty shocked at the amount of money I had spent, and when I looked into my wardrobe, I could feel how I didn’t really like the clothes that I had bought. This was an even bigger shock, as I do wardrobe makeovers with women and support them to buy things that they really love. Looking into my wardrobe I could say there was very little that I loved. Looking into my wardrobe made me feel sick.

It was at this point that I realised that I had an addiction to buying clothes that was no different to any other addiction. I was using something to make me feel better about myself. I was trying to fill something up with clothes, an empty feeling. There was something out there that I needed in order to make me feel better about myself because I didn’t feel ok about me, just being me. I looked the part – confident, well groomed – but I still felt I wasn’t good enough, and I thought that by buying clothes I would look and feel better and that this empty feeling would go away, but it never did.

I continued to buy clothes, with more awareness of what was going on, but I could still feel that I didn’t want to get to the bottom of why I was spending so much money on clothes. What I felt when I went to my wardrobe was the energy that I was in when I was buying the clothes, and that was what was making me feel sick. I had to really stop and feel what was going on and what choices I was making when I bought these clothes. One of the things that I noticed about this addiction was that I had stopped buying for anyone else. It was all focussed on me, what I wanted. That was a big eye opener for me.

What if what I didn’t want to feel was how amazing I was, how simply divine I am and that I don’t need clothes or anything else to fill me?

The clothes we choose to wear can support us far more then we realise. When we buy clothes in the energy of ‘I’m not enough,’ we are setting ourselves up each day to feel less, like we are watering down who we are, our power as women. If I’m hooked into anything that is not about me feeling the fullness of ‘me’, then what am I truly reflecting?

It feels like I have now taken a step back to observe what I had been doing. I was on a roller coaster. All that I needed to do was STOP and FEEL. I was so afraid to feel what was under the emptiness; I couldn’t bear to know what it was. I know this seems crazy now to even think that about myself, but when I was hooked I was not thinking clearly.

When you buy clothes with a connection to you it is a totally different experience. There is no thinking from your head, “Do I love this or not?” There is no part of you that has to get a second opinion: your body is there to tell you. The way you hold yourself, the way you walk, the way the clothes feel on your skin, these are all the signs that you need and they are a true confirmation.

In my raciness, I had forgotten this amazing connection that I used to have with my clothes; how I love wearing clothes that my body feels great in, clothes that I can feel on my body. When I buy things in a need from my head, I don’t feel the clothes that I’m wearing, I don’t get to feel what my body is saying.

Now when I work and the sales are on, and I feel like I want to buy something, I allow myself to stop and give myself the space to ask myself, “What is going on? Why do I want to buy something when I am already enough, already beautiful?” Buying with an addiction is like continually selling out on myself. When I’m connected there is no need, I find that things that I love naturally come to me, I don’t have to go looking for them.

Nothing can ever fill a place inside me. Only I can do that. I am already full of my own beauty.

By Denise Cavanough, Beauty-full Woman, Wife, Mother, Organiser/ Wardrobe Makeovers, Brisbane

Further Reading:
Fashion Styling – Embracing and Appreciating Ourselves
What is Swag and Who Has Got It?
Dressing to Impress: Are You Ever Enough?
Body Image – Beauty Comes From Within

350 thoughts on “My Addiction to Buying Clothes

  1. Another addiction, buying clothes. And so we all have our bigger, harming or seemingly small addictions. All mend to not wanting to feel our own emptiness. And once feel that emptiness, it is not that bad, we can heal it.

  2. Its very powerful how much our clothes reflect how we feel about ourselves. I had a fairly long period in my life where I did not buy myself many clothes, and when I did there always seemed to be a compromise as in I bought something as it was on sale, because I liked the colour or because I had seen someone else wearing something similar and thought it looked good on them. Needless to say I ended up with a wardrobe that was a bit of a miss match and nothing that really reflected all of me. However in the last few years this has changed enormously and I now love to choose clothes that are another part of me and my expression as a gorgeous woman.

  3. I like how you have exposed another hidden addiction some may have. I never allowed myself to buy anything new until the last 5 years or so because before that I was caught in the not valuing myself enough and the oh I am saving the planet if I wear someone else’s old clothes! These days I appreciate myself more and I enjoy buying myself a nice piece of clothing if I feel to but for me luckily it is not an addiction.

    1. Fascinating isn’t it Rosie how buying too many clothes can be an equal indicator or inner disharmony as not being able to buy any. I,like you, fell into the category of not being able to spend a decent amount of money on new clothes due to a lack of self worth. That feeling of not really valuing myself permeated into all areas of my life and set the stage for what I was therefore going to experience. I now know that it is how we feel on the inside that then sets up what we experience on the outside. A loop, if you will that will keep going round and round until we actively make moves to step out of it and consciously make our own tracks. And those tracks will then eventually lead us back to God, whereas the loop will forever keep us away from him.

    2. Could choosing to not value ourselves be another form of addiction? What is an addiction? My understanding is, it is a behaviour or pattern of repeated movements and choices that is driven by an ill energy that seeks to drain our life-force energy, therefore has the potential to create much harm. I realise now that this doesn’t happen by chance but by ones choice to align to the ill energy first.

      1. Well expressed and so true – the choice to align to something other than our true self must come first for the thoughts to be given to engage in behaviour that does not confirm us as the truly amazing beings that we are.

      2. An interesting point you raise Chan Ly regarding not valuing ourselves as being a possible form of addiction. As I have let this sink in – yes, I would agree- and anything that is not love, even in very small details, could easily be an addiction to a consciousness that binds us to it, without us even truly knowing it until awareness is developed.

  4. It’s an important lesson to understand why you do things.. How you carry out the same daily behaviors – are they really supporting you or not?
    My ill-behaviour is eating to numb the pain. I have done this for as long as I can remember to the point now I’m in constant pain in my digestion. This numbing behavior is now hurting myself more. Instead of ‘being hard’ on myself and forcing unwanted behaviors I now honour my inner beauty that was not honoured and this starts with my own love that I know – inclusive innate tenderness and utmost love and delicateness.

  5. It is so true, that unless we stop and feel the underlying issue that we are self medicating with a compulsive behaviour or substance we will simply switch from one addiction to another.

    1. Indeed, and at some stage when awareness gets more and more, these addictions can be very subtle indeed…

  6. It’s a great point how we can just transfer an issue from one behaviour to another if we don’t truly resolve what is playing out within us – we may stop a harming behaviour but if we don’t also get underneath what was driving us to behave in that way then the energy remains and gets expressed in a different way…

    1. Yep, I find once I have to ponder upon if I like it or not or if I feel awesome in it or not or worse to come – have to ask someone else what it looks like on me – it’s all over, it’s not it.

  7. After many years of wearing second hand or second rate, cheap clothing I came to the point where I could see that the clothes I was choosing to wear were holding me back. I didnt feel like they were a reflection of where I was at. In the last few years I feel the time when it feels true to go shopping for clothes, these times are when I feel really connected and often it feels like the clothes I find are just waiting for me and when trying them on my whole body lights up.

    1. The deepening appreciation you now have for yourself is gorgeous, Christopher, and reflected in your new wardrobe.

    2. Love your sharing – I had not heard that from a man before and to hear your joy in expressing how your body lights up now is beautiful, thank you.

    3. Christopher I love your description of how the body ‘lights up’ , indeed it does when something is right and equally it feels very dull and lacklustre when we’re about to make a decision that doesn’t serve us.

  8. ‘I wasn’t filling an emptiness, I was feeding the emptiness.’ What you say here Denise, reveals ‘the nature of the beast’. Emptiness is like a gaping hole that can never be filled and it is always starving and devours every morsel like a hungry dog. It drives us to continuously seek its fodder until we eventually face the fact that it is an insatiable void and we start to feel what is really going on – we are missing ourselves, the love that we hold within. Once we reconnect to that, the emptiness can no longer exist, just as darkness is banished when the light is turned on.

    1. I love the way you have expressed all of this Sandra. And its true, darkness is banished when the light is turned on.

  9. I notice how much I have been driven to buy certain items of clothing with images of seeking approval and recognition. In the past I went along with these thoughts without much consideration to how they affect me and quality of my expression. I had no awareness how my choices also affected others, but now I understand how every choice and the quality of my thoughts and expression not only affects me but everyone around me and beyond. I still have these thoughts and images come through but the difference is I am so much more aware of how harmful they are. By being aware of the quality of my thoughts, I am able to discard images that seeks recognition and as a result allows space for me to reconnect and appreciate the beauty that is naturally within me that seeks no form of recognition what so ever.

  10. When I’m connected there is no need, I find that things that I love naturally come to me, I don’t have to go looking for them. Yes Denise, I find the same thing. When I feel to buy something and I am in my fullness, I always find exactly what I need that confirms and supports me, and in the right colour for me.

  11. This touches on a very important subject – about the addictions that go unnoticed in all of our societies today.

  12. We can buy clothes for many different reasons other than just for the enjoyment and yumminess of wearing them; great insights are gained when we get honest and then look deeply into what is behind our addictions, no matter how harmless or inconsequential they might seem.

  13. My addiction has not been buying clothes, it has been worrying, which is another way of avoiding feeling myself fully in the present moment, and appreciating who I am and what I bring to that moment, it might be lightness, grace, playfulness, delicateness, or love. We run away from our innate beautiful qualities, when it is so simple to make another choice.

    1. Yes, especially when we are ready to deal with the consequences of that other, more loving choice, which is a great choice.

  14. Its an interesting and almost easy to miss line at the start of this blog about losing weight but not addressing the issue. Dieting need never occur when we address why we wish something in the first place. If we can accept food is used to comfort and dull senses and feelings then we have a great basis for understanding our feelings better and why we wish to block this.

  15. ‘At first I would buy really expensive dresses to go out in the evening. However I didn’t go out, so I didn’t wear them, and they would sit in my wardrobe.’ – this reminds me of a false ideal that I have held, that a very expensive dress will make me look more beautiful, which, of course it never can. Beauty comes from the inside out, from the knowing that we are beautiful and the living appreciation of this fact. Our beauty is then expressed in our every movement.

  16. “I would save my good clothes for good and I didn’t really wear them” – classic Denise, I had this with ‘work clothes’ versus ‘going out/good clothes’ and would never wear either set to the other aspect. When I started to live more wholly, or as-one and enjoy ‘me’ and ‘my body’ more, I found this distinction disappearing and would (and do) wear whatever feels great for me to be wearing that day.

  17. I never used to enjoy clothes shopping and I now realise this was because I didn’t appreciate how gorgeous I actually am. I always wanted to look like something I am not, which would never have come close to the fullness of me. Now, when I try anything on, if I don’t absolutely love it, I won’t buy it, because I’m worth more than clothes that just feel or look ok.

  18. Doing something that costs money without receiving value – if we do that a lot we make want to look at the money side of it, why we are depriving ourselves of money?

  19. I spent years fueling an emptiness with buying clothes. I would get caught up in the initial buzz and then feel deflated, it was like living on a roller coaster of emotion as I searched outside of me for the answers which I held within.

  20. ‘I stopped this and then started to look for a good bargain and I would find myself saying, “It only cost $10.” But I did wear them.’ What I love about clothes is it is not the cost of them that matters it is how we feel in them when we wear them that counts.

  21. Has anyone shopped for clothes in Vietnam and felt the pleasure of connecting to the shop owners and the joy that this brings. There is never an addiction, when shopping to claim and share our Love. An addiction is that which is toxic and poisonous to the body because it keeps us from connecting to the Soul.

  22. Denise this is such an important article to write, as we all need to really look deeper into the reasons behind the things we do and the lengths we go to, to not feel how gorgeous we all are and the energy behind it all.

  23. Until we actually address the emotions underlying our addictions, we will just hop from one to another. You gave up food, but got addicted to ‘Retail Therapy’ instead. I gave up smoking and started drinking alcohol. What is common for both us is that when we were encouraged to re-connect to our innermost, we have been able to address the root cause of our addictions, a separation from true self. (The Gentle Breath Meditation being a key tool in this process) Once we connect, the drive in the addiction begins to crumble and our behaviour naturally changes.

  24. I find with clothes that you can either buy things that support you to move forward in life, or buy clothes that keep you stationary. Buying clothes that help you step forward and claim what’s ahead of you is a massive support – and I don’t mean if you are dieting buying a smaller size, but buying an item that when you wear confirms that “yes this is who I am, and this is where I’m going”.

  25. I love the title: Addiction to buying clothes! It is very rare that we name behaviours like this as an addiction. I feel that I open up to understanding what addiction actually means. A repetitive behavior that isn’t loving that we seemingly can’t stop. And that we are not to judge ourselves or another. Recognizing and understanding are very powerful. And a great start to feel what is really going on. That there’s always a need, an emptiness that we try to run away from. Everybody does that. We’ve all ran away from our loving essence. In a million different ways. What if we would treat each other from the foundation of appreciation and understanding. Not mentally, but from our very own body. That receiving and giving support will return to being normal again!

  26. Buying clothes out of a feeling of emptiness satisfies me for a few hours, but ultimately it magnifies the emptiness, as that is the energy in which they were bought. There is no real joy in it. Buying clothes when I need them or out of the joy of celebrating myself feels totally different. We can apply this to anything.

  27. The ‘Stop and Feel’ moment is key here, the moment of honesty where we are willing to admit that something is wrong and we actually know what it is when only we allow ourselves to come back to what we already know within the body. This then is a moment of choice – back into the old or open up for what feels true.

    1. So true Alex, initially I sometimes used to stop and feel after the purchase because it just did not feel true, and take it back for a refund, but then I started to do that before the payment as I don’t like the feeling of that. Now, I make decisions based on what feels true for me at home whether there is anything I need or not, and stick with what I feel, and impulse shopping doesn’t really happen, in fact at times I have to remind myself if I never shop I will never see new things if they are appropriate. If I feel enough, then I only shop when I need to, and then an impulse will often take me to exactly what I need.

  28. ‘However I didn’t go out, so I didn’t wear them, and they would sit in my wardrobe’ – In the same way that we bury our feelings, observations and issues, when we shop in emotions then the items we buy become representations of that emotion and are thus shut in a dark cupboard just the same.

  29. Amazing – no matter how full of beautiful clothes our wardrobes may be when we come to realise that it is how beautiful we feel in ourselves then we are free from the need for anything outside of us to confirm who we are.

  30. Buying clothes is a very delicate process for me. It’s about honouring and cherishing myself. Allowing myself to be joyfully me. Or powerfully me, or playfully me etc. Since taking more care of me in regards to buying clothes it has been an interesting and forever expanding and unfolding experience. Recently I can feel how I am wearing more ‘adult-like’ clothes. The clothes really ignite the power that resides within me. Getting to know me through buying and wearing clothes, how sacred and lovely this is!

  31. “When I’m connected there is no need, I find that things that I love naturally come to me, I don’t have to go looking for them.” This is so true. At my most full-filled I do the least shopping, and then I might occasionally go to town for something else and find something thing amazing that I love, truly serves me and usually at a great price too.

  32. I can relate to letting raciness take over my life and control my thoughts not allowing myself to stop, feel and listen to my body. In not wanting to feel the emptiness I was also avoiding feeling my true beauty underneath.

    1. It is when we leave ourselves that we give space for the raciness to take over, when we are steady and with our bodies the raciness has no place.

    2. Very important point you make here Linda – “In not wanting to feel the emptiness I was also avoiding feeling my true beauty underneath.” Isn’t it just strange that we will go to such extents to not feel and connect to that beautiful being that is us? How awesome the world will be when humanity has gotten that we are all amazing beautiful beings equally so and then there will be no more comparison, striving for things or the need to fill up perceived voids.

  33. “When I’m connected there is no need, I find that things that I love naturally come to me, I don’t have to go looking for them.” I agree, and always observe with wonder how things constellate without any effort when we are simply going with the flow.

  34. Addictions can be anything from clothes to coffee and everything in between. But what you so beautifully share is that if we don’t look at the core issue to why we are numbing ourselves with what ever vice we choose then we will just transfer it to another one. Seeking support and true healing which I too have done with the support of Serge Benhayon, I have been able to truly heal the issue and enjoy being with myself, so no need to seek anything to full me up.

  35. ‘‘I wasn’t filling an emptiness, I was feeding the emptiness.’ This is a great awareness to have, that we are feeding a pool of lovelessness that is not who we are at all, for we are love from the cells up, we just have to connect to it.

  36. That commitment to return to who we truly are is absolutely a step by solid step process. No shortcuts, no quick fixes.. we have to be willing to see all of our failings and weaknesses, and work on them partly by appreciating all the amazingness that we bring.

  37. You make a great point here Denise that when we are fully connected to our bodies no second opinion is needed: we just know, with every inch of our body whether something is true or not. When we’re in our heads trying to figure it all out, or needing verification from others, it’s because we’ve shut down from what we can feel in our bodies so then it feels like we don’t know, when actually we do.

  38. It is a very sobering thing to add up your receipts and hold the tangible proof that all is not well. This can be applied to any aspect to bring an honesty to what’s going on, recording our feelings and behaviours when viewed en mass can highlight what needs to be addressed – when otherwise our mind can make all kinds of excuses for the seemingly harmless, intermittent one-off occurrences.

  39. I used to also save what I deemed my ‘good’ clothes for ‘special’ occasions. Then I considered what was I calling a ‘special’ occasion and realized this was a concept and so decided that every day was a ‘special’ day. I now wear what ever I feel to wear and it is great, because my ‘good’ cloths get worn and are not just sitting in the cupboard for a ‘special’ day.

  40. Nothing can replace the value of who we are, it doesn’t need the most fancy or expensive things. Time and time again I come back to feeling this truth, the wealth is within.

    1. So true, who we are and the value that we bring is not to be found in our clothes or status or anything but in our connection to our selves and to others.

  41. What a amazing realization Denise – and so many people getting on this. Retail is supporting this habit/issue with clothing that is worth it just one season – if at all. So much clothing is in a very bad quality – we would not buy this if we would be connected to our true worth and own high quality. Thats the one thing – the other is: I know for my own how it is to buy cloths to hide and/or fulfill an emptiness. Than I buy clothing that is ‘so beautiful’, to cover my insecurity and to ‘buy’ me some beauty – denying and negating my own beauty, which is always there, but comes with the responsibility of being divine and powerful.

  42. The idea that if something is cheap we have to buy it is so ingrained but I love your point and it is indeed important to feel if we really want it instead of just buying it because it is cheap and a ‘good buy’!

    1. Yes, the marketing companies have gotten it ‘right’ and have found the weak spot in humanity – the lack of self-love and self-worth hence ‘cheap’ is where it’s at.

  43. Valuing ourselves and the love that we are innately, are what others truly notice first. When we are full of our own love, then the clothes we choose to wear are just reflecting the love we hold for ourselves. The most beautiful garment that we could ever wear is our own self love.

  44. It is easy to look at a heroin addict and tell that they have a problem coping with life, much harder to look at someone who fits the mould of normality and see that they equally have their own coping mechanisms that are just as dysfunctional.

  45. This is really interesting. Although I do not buy clothes in this way all the time, I am definitely a binge buyer of clothes. A point to reflect on what is happening when this happens.

  46. Interesting how we can shift from one issue to another, thinking it is resolved and yet it has merely changed its appearance. How we can be fooled into falling for better, but yet we are none the better for it at all.

  47. A buying-clothes addiction is not so uncommon I suspect but one far more easily rationalised as ‘a woman thing’ (generally) than something considered in the same light as heroin or alcohol. It’s affect if we’re truly honest and as they say in Vietnam… same, same but different.

  48. Reading your post again Denise, i’m looking forward to cleansing my wardrobe and really having a feel as to which clothes really are confirming [of me] and which aren’t. It’s a super exercise in feeling spaciousness and in this – appreciation.

    1. Hear hear – me too on my return to Australia soon – I can already sense a lot will leave…hopefully I will have something left to wear 😉

  49. A great moment to reflect and realise our relationship with clothes is when we come to clear out our wardrobe, and discover clothes that we haven’t worn and even some with the tags on!…

  50. I love clothes and having sorted them out makes a great difference. I now wear those clothes which I have never or seldom worn, because they were too precious to wear daily. It shows me more that I am worth to wear clothes which are not second choice but first choice.

  51. “The clothes we choose to wear can support us far more then we realise.” The quality that the clothes are made in to start with can either support us or drain us. Cheap clothes made in sweat shops around the world come imbued with that energy. It is still an ongoing lesson for me, but the more I take time to really feel the quality of the clothing I am buying, the more enjoyment and use I get out of it.

  52. looking at the debt I had on my credit cards it is clear of that I had an addiction to buying clothes. I would spend a fortune with no concern as to how I would pay it back and forever feeding the need to statisfy the emptiness I felt within.

    1. Very true, we often fool ourselves by substituting the ‘bad’ with so called healthy choices instead of bringing our awareness to the root of the issue.

  53. Pondering on addiction I realise just how we can get addicted to pretty much anything, whether it be buying clothes or indulging in thoughts that allow astral energy in – the latter of which I realise I have not being saying no to with an absoluteness. I therefore realise I have been addicted to allowing the astral in so as not to claim full responsibility for myself and all that that entails.

  54. The rush of buying something new and bringing it home and wearing it is very addictive – I used to feel down if I went out without coming back with something new. Now that need for the quick pick me up isnt there because I have worked on deepening my relationship with myself.

  55. Great to expose the energy behind the seemingly day to day things we do where we an over ride what we feel and continue to do them. Shopping is a great one to expose. When Im down I can buy something and feel it is feeding me. When I am me and ‘on’ I am purposeful and only buy what is needed. I too have things in my cupboards that I bought when I was ‘off’ – and its time for another clear out.

  56. It is interesting to feel how we have been addicted to all sorts of things as a way to get out of feeling what is really going on. When it is about food, we make the issue about dieting and losing weight, when it’s about clothes, we make the issue about not having enough money. We have to take steps further back to feel into what is the energy causing the addiction, what feeling we are trying to escape from, rather than trying to sort out the addiction.

  57. Reflecting on our behaviours and choices and our true intention behind them and what we gain from adopting them is well worth considering wisely.

  58. Whether it is clothes, food, alcohol, tv, sport etc, nothing can actually make our bodies feel full of love and joyfulness apart from the love and connection to our soulful essence.

  59. Our clothes can be very confirming. I know from experience that the way I dressed/dress (and what I consequently confirm) is very different in a withdrawn state, to one where I am willing to be seen. I don’t mean showy, just simply dressing the real me.

  60. ‘What if what I didn’t want to feel was how amazing I was, how simply divine I am and that I don’t need clothes or anything else to fill me?’ – The things we do to avoid feeling our own amazingness is utterly clever and cunning.

  61. Addiction comes up in various forms until we call it for what it is – an addiction that the body craves to not be us. It is a trick of the spirt and it is great to be honest about this and call it for what it is.

  62. This is such an awesome realisation: “I wasn’t filling an emptiness, I was feeding the emptiness.” When we truly look at our lives what we do, there will be many things we do to feed this emptiness, it can be with food, alcohol, excessive sport, gaming, social media – all just feeding the emptiness as it makes us want to do it again and again … all in order to not feel.

  63. Oh what a realisation – “Looking into my wardrobe made me feel sick.” – And that from you working as a wardrobe make-over person for others, wow. How awesome that you got to feel this in such detail and the changes you were able to make after and being in full appreciation of the amazing being that you are – awesome sharing, thank you

  64. This is a great tool to use when buying clothes and one I will take with me:”When I buy things in a need from my head, I don’t feel the clothes that I’m wearing, I don’t get to feel what my body is saying.” I have done this with buying shoes, and my body totally lets me know and I am fully connected when I buy them, I have not truly extended this into buying clothes to the detail that you have described here, so that will now change, thank you.

  65. If we don’t look at why we are needing to fill, comfort or distract ourselves we can easily replace one addiction with another.

  66. Addiction to suffering, misery, being less, reducing ourselves to be so much less than we naturally are may be the number one addiction right after our incessant need to create an individual ‘I’; actually both going hand in hand. It makes no sense to the human being experiencing such disharmony and at times extreme perversion, but not so for the spiritual inhabitant of the body that is voraciously seeking more of it Self, ie identification as an individual.

  67. It is amazing how when we don’t deal with the underlying issues we just shift the abusive behaviour to another action. We really have to deal with the root causes of our tension and disharmony.

    1. Exactly. When we find that root cause we then have a choice to deal with that root cause and often the behavior disappears completely. Sometimes, there can be more than one cause but finding each cause makes a major difference.

  68. When I was younger I was super service when I went shopping to the point that I would revisit the same shops multiple times before making a decision. Now I often find that the items I truly require are much easier to find and feel right from the start.

    1. This is true Michael. When we know who we are and true to ourselves finding clothes to confirm this becomes much easier.

  69. “When I’m connected there is no need, I find that things that I love naturally come to me, I don’t have to go looking for them.” I love it when I buy something from that space I always feel so lovely when I wear it and as a result as you say Denise “There is no part of you that has to get a second opinion: your body is there to tell you.”

  70. Interesting how so often we don’t mind the addiction so long as we don’t see or feel what’s underneath it, the root cause.

  71. I love the quote “I wasn’t feeling the emptiness, I was feeding the emptiness” – when we do that, the hole gets bigger and bigger, so we need to buy more things, eat more food, and have crazier thoughts (trust me I know this one!), but the settlement of feeling the void and healing it cannot be compared to any sweet, expensive clothing, or even the greatest idea!

  72. ‘One of the things that I noticed about this addiction was that I had stopped buying for anyone else.’ I had to read this several times and reflect on my clothes.

    Clothes are such a great point of reflection. Years ago I would literally wear the scruffiest, baggiest clothes ever! And my figure was great but I felt horrible about myself because I was carrying not weight but energy that I found distasteful so I didn’t want to draw attention to myself. And last week I discovered many trousers I have are about 3 inches too large around the waist – how did I not realise this?! Hiding again.

    So I have considered clothes in relation to others – not wanting them to feel the yucky energy I was carrying and now, as I let go of this energy and feel my essence more, I would like to wear clothes that do express how beautiful I am within. So actually buying clothes for others to see this beauty and be inspired is something I am on the cusp of exploring as I am inspired by many beautiful women who are celebrating their sacredness and beauty.

  73. Denise, what you have shared here makes for a greatly powerful blog that I know I can certainly relate to. I found myself skipping over the words “All that I needed to do was STOP and FEEL” as there was something about them that I didn’t want to stop and feel upon reading! And that was the simplicity of this choice to recognise and stay with the body at a time when something else (a series of thoughts and beliefs) that don’t belong to us is running the show. This powerful message can be used and applied to any (and every!) situation in life if we apply it.

  74. It is fascinating how our minds think we have ‘dealt with’ an issue, and yet our bodies constantly reflect our issues to us… until we have truly determined the root cause and taken responsibility for that choice. How wise and powerful is the intelligence of our bodies.

  75. I wonder if the fact that buying clothes is an expensive habit is also important here? Why the need to deprive yourself of money? It sounds trite but there are cheaper ways to fill an emptiness, many of them.

  76. Your sharing shows us that we can fill the ‘gap’ – or rather the separation from our Soul with a vast array of things, such as buying clothes, food snacking, watching serial TV episodes one after the other, drugs, sugar, busy-ness, computer games… the list is endless… and these can easily become repetitive behaviours leading to dependancy and addiction. Your sharing shows that you can get to the nuts and bolts of why and turn around and bring an end to such addictions by the choice to self love.

  77. I learnt a while ago that the difference between shopping when I’m full of myself, rather than in a need for something, produces a totally different result. In particular, clothes just jump off the rail when I’m in the flow – effortless and gorgeous as it should be.

  78. Our addiction to buying clothes ends when we accept and claim our innate Love, worth and beauty. Often, buying clothes fills a need, an emptiness, we try to match false pictures held in our heads. Without that inner connection we usually, miss the mark, make the wrong choices and feel less.

  79. That was a great reality check, adding up all the documents to know exactly how much you were spending. We then know the exact amount and this often shocks us back to sensibility.

  80. Denise, I can feel how true this is, having bought clothes that were ‘ok’, not too pretty or that stand out too much and definitely not too expensive, ‘When we buy clothes in the energy of ‘I’m not enough,’ we are setting ourselves up each day to feel less, like we are watering down who we are, our power as women’, when I do wear something that I love and have bought in the energy of me being worth it and not having bought it because it was cheap then this feels very conforming of my beauty and power.

  81. So many people must experience the same thing with buying clothes. But how many of us stop to think about the reason behind it? The awareness here is awesome and will help bring other people’s issues and behavioural patterns to light.

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