As a child, there were things I just knew.
I knew which family members I wanted to be near to or spend more time with.
When I started school, I knew who I wanted to become friends with. I knew when I met their parents and siblings how the family was and whether I felt comfortable to spend longer periods of time in their home.
I knew that dying was not the end; that we were connected to something far greater than this physical, material world.
I knew that to take drugs was not something I wanted to do, nor was it a wise choice.
I knew when I was full of breast milk/food and to stop drinking/eating any more.
I knew when I walked into a room if there was jealousy towards me, or if someone did not like me. (This included schoolteachers).
These are just a few examples.
I knew these things because of what I was feeling, rather than what I thought in my head. This feeling ‘thing’ was just there. I did not have to try or think about these things. I just knew.
As I grew older, I began to make choices that were going against what I felt.
Looking back, I see that I ignored what I was truly feeling a lot, and this choice to disregard my feelings often ended with very serious consequences.
As an 8 year old, when my friend simply asked to swap bikes, I said ”Yes” when really I knew inside that I wanted to say “No.” Within five minutes of the bike ride beginning I had fallen from the ‘much too big for me’ bike and had a broken ankle, which was put in plaster for the whole eight weeks of the summer holidays.
Did I learn from this? No.
At the age of 13, two more accidents ended with me having broken bones. On both occasions I made decisions that went against what I knew to be true. One of those resulted in a lifetime of continuous pain and discomfort.
After starting to go out with friends at 15 years of age and remaining the sober one who looked after my drunk friends, I eventually gave in and started drinking too, only to end up a very drunken mess enough times to learn the hard way that this was not a wise choice. I already knew this from my inner knowing, but I chose to put myself through damaging and dangerous situations, rather than honour myself and what I knew and felt inside me.
At 16 I met a boy who was interested in me, who was into drugs. I went into the relationship because I wanted to have a boyfriend, to be loved. I knew at a deep level that his drinking a lot of alcohol and the drug taking were not what I wanted to be around, but I overrode what I was FEELING because my mind said, “I want to have a boyfriend, it’s important to be sweet 16 with a boyfriend for the summer.” I said “No” to drugs for five months and then I tried them. I went on to abuse the so-called soft drugs, marijuana and alcohol, on and off, for a further 30 years, all the while, knowing that what I wanted was ‘purity.’
I was living the life of what was considered by onlookers to be that of a ‘Health Fanatic.’ Very conscious of what I ate and exercising, doing yoga, sitting in meditation, living in the outdoors, reading all the right books and into all things ‘a la naturelle.’ And behind that image, I was a drug user. I spent some years without these two drugs of choice. I put this down to the fact that I knew deep within that these choices were not true or supporting me in any way and were in fact very damaging. The drug use was not what I wanted deep within me, but I always ended up going back to it.
I am now 50 and I could go on with countless more examples of not following my deep inner knowing, my sixth sense, my CLAIRSENTIENCE.
Of course, there are also many examples of when I did follow my inner knowing. But what I find interesting is why it is that we ignore what it is we are truly feeling and knowing, even when we have had many previous circumstances that tell us very clearly from the experiences and consequences that followed, that we did not listen to what our inner knowing in our body was telling us.
What is it about the mind that ‘wins out’?
For me, it was about my expression. Being fearful to speak up and say what I knew. What I knew and felt from a place deep within that bypassed the mind. Fearful of the verbal attack that might come at me, or of not being liked, (i.e. If I don’t swap bikes, my friend may not like me anymore or I will have a conflict to deal with). I was giving my power away, rather than expressing what I was feeling.
There was also an underlying sense of abuse in the way I was prepared to put myself into situations that harmed, rather than honoured, myself.
This momentum of choosing abuse did not begin in this life. I knew I had been here before and I knew that these choices were a very old pattern that I could seemingly not so easily change.
I used to often ask myself the questions, “Why did I become so angry? Why did I become a drug user?” It did not make sense to me, because neither my family nor the role models around me made such choices.
There were countless situations where, even though I knew deeply that my choices were not what I wanted from a feeling within me and a knowing that came from something much bigger than me, I still continued to ignore, override, dull myself with drugs and food and music. I continued to play dumb and not speak up.
The choice to continue denying what I knew about the world of energy then became more obvious because there was an even deeper sadness about the choices. This explained the anger, as anger is just a form of suppressed and undealt with sadness.
Ignoring my ‘inner knowing’ has had consequences for me to feel that have been very difficult to bear and at times have been so uncomfortable that finally, they brought me to where I am today.
I am learning to express and speak up and follow what I feel to be true for me.
I have had to climb over a huge mountain to get to this place.
I have let go of so much, on so many levels, that at times I have felt such unrest that I wondered if harmony would ever be restored in my body and my life. However, what I am now feeling is the true energetic freedom that comes from being dead honest with what I am feeling and making decisions from that place. The feeling I now have and live within my body just does not compare to living with the anxiousness that comes with living life so that it looks like the picture or ideal I had in my head about how it should be.
I have only been able to come back to living from my knowing because I started to love myself – to really love myself, deeply. This is a work in progress, and I practise this every day, by continually making choices that are loving. This is what has made the difference.
So all the while I was reading the right books and living in a way that looked like I loved myself by exercising and eating well and doing self help courses, being nice etc., however on a truly deep level, I was not loving myself at all as I was using drugs and giving my power away and not honouring my CLAIRSENTIENCE – what I knew and felt inside, in my body: the truth that is the one truth for ALL, my connection to God, the universal laws that we are ALL unavoidably connected to.
I have learnt that it is not what I am interested in and reading about and the classes I am attending that bring change, but it is in the Way I Live and the quality I choose in everything I do every day that has supported me to listen to my CLAIRSENTIENCE. Expressing again from this knowing has brought true and sustainable change into my life, without following rules and regulations, but from listening to what I always have known, listening to the Divine wisdom of my heart that was there all along, just waiting for me to re-connect to it.
I have been inspired to live what I already knew by the presentations and teaching of The Ancient Wisdom presented by Serge Benhayon from Universal Medicine.
By Mary-Lou Reed, Arnhem, The Netherlands
Further Reading:
Seeing Is Believing…Or Is It?
Mental Awareness V Conscious Awareness
The Gift of Clairsentience: Reclaiming My Ability To Feel Energy
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
Isn’t it amazing how we ignore what feels true or right within us. Why do we do this? Why do billions of people do something that goes against this inner grain, this inner knowing thats within all of us.
If we really look at this, from a baby we feel, we know, and if only we are nurtured to not lose this, then our lives will be so much different. Then we wouldn’t be referring to stimulants, whether smoking, alcohol, food etc.
But what I love is the fact that this inner knowing never leaves us, it is a matter of eventually making that choice to trust and honouring what we feel. Once we have this in our day to day life, its amazing how we return to a language thats innately within us all. A working progress but worth every moment…
We all have this inner knowing, what do we do with this, ‘I chose to put myself through damaging and dangerous situations, rather than honour myself and what I knew and felt inside me.’
Serge Benhayon presents the truth of the Ageless Wisdom that our only choice is: to which energy do we align?
Mary-Lou, I love what you have shared in so many parts here in this blog. We get so good at ignoring this inner knowing even when we hear so loudly what it is that is truly needed. We hold an arrogance thinking that we know better than this inner knowing or that perhaps we can in some way prove differently. And yet this inner knowing prevails, never stops and never gives up on us. It is only us who can turn away from it and then return humbly to reclaim our knowing.
Thank goodness this is the case, ‘this inner knowing prevails, never stops and never gives up on us.’
And the reason I ignored this inner knowing was because I was frowned upon, I was shut down many a times, but it also irked people as it would bring things up for them too. All part of the game of life, that keeps us in that perpetuating cycle. But there is no denying that it will always be there, waiting for one day for us to live from their than the human mind…
That inner knowing is Gold. It is our connection to God, the Gold within, the God within. This is the part of us to invest in and nourish and develop a relationship with, for the returns of love currency are hundred fold and there to be shared all around.
Clairsentience is that inner knowing, the bridge to our intelligence, the intelligence of the Soul that is connected to the Universe. A knowing that is available to us all.
It is at our expense and peril if we ignore this inner knowing, ‘ I see that I ignored what I was truly feeling a lot, and this choice to disregard my feelings often ended with very serious consequences.’
Our intuition is a divine blessing and should always be understood for the connection to the heavens it provides and thus be open to live with the appreciation of who we all are.
I have got so many examples now in life where what is felt is the more loving and true choice over what the mind wants and needs life to be. And yet, I find myself following those wants and needs and forming life as such time and time again. There’s more grandness and joy that comes with listening to the body. So much that the mind cannot take it all in, nor accept it and moreso, can’t control it.
When we ignore what we know to be true there are going to be serious consequences because we are then going against the universe and there are always repercussions when doing this as we are going against its harmony and rhythm. If we were honest enough with ourselves we would see that illness and disease is the consequences of going against what we know to be true. But in general we are not ready for such home truths.
Great point Mary, ‘ If we were honest enough with ourselves we would see that illness and disease is the consequences of going against what we know to be true.’
Claiming myself back by learning to love myself again has changed my life completely. I had no idea I was so abusive and hard on myself until I started to attend the workshops of Universal Medicine changing the way I live and the quality of my livingness has been a huge part of reclaiming myself as someone worth loving. Learning to love myself is huge as it takes away the neediness of wanting others to love me, or seeking recognition and acceptance from others because I could not give this to myself. I am re learning the power of true love is untouchable.
Thank you Mary-Lou, I really enjoyed reading this. “I was giving my power away, rather than expressing what I was feeling.” I could relate to much of what you gave shared, and how we disconnect to our true selves, our true source of power, when we make decisions that dishonour how we feel. In addition what I could feel is how much change we can actually offer when we are honest and share our truth.
We crave security and we forsake our clairsentience in an endeavour to achieve/maintain security only to find that choice to be an illusion and in the process we loose confidence in our inner-knowing, our clairsentience. Regaining that trust and confidence is one of the greatest healings there is.
Humanity is in such a state of disconnection from this natural awareness, that it would seem impossible to return… And yet by simply moving to observing and not just to ‘seeing’, we can start to reconnect, and if we choose to continue this reconnection this vital natural sense returns to us.
It seems too simple to be true, but it is.
One just needs to sit with a child and feel this pouring out of their mouths and faces. There is no holding back their innate wisdom to express what they feel with no hidden agendas.
Children show us what is possible, ‘I am learning to express and speak up and follow what I feel to be true for me.’
Giving permission to ourselves to express what wee feel inside breaks this ingrained way of being ‘good’ and nice. Despite it implies a disregarding of what we know inside is true for us it is socially accepted, seen as the norm of how we should behave. It seems we have created a way of being that is completely against who we really are when in truth we came in to life being very clear and very all knowing of what’s true and what’s not.
Thanks Universal Medicine for showing us that our Natural Inner Knowing matters, regardless if it is liked, accepted by others or not.
A disregarding of ourselves, ‘I was giving my power away, rather than expressing what I was feeling.’
I am finding more and more how detrimental it is not to express ourselves exactly when and how we feel to.
Well said Fumiyo, any expression held back becomes a poison that then affects the next round of expression and so forth. The greatest gift to self and others is indeed full and truthful expression. I say this as words and yet know this is not easy to live, for knowledge is one thing whilst wisdom is the true power of living what one speaks – something I am learning humbly to do.
“The true energetic freedom that comes from being dead honest with what I am feeling and making decisions from that place.” It is one of the greatest gifts we can give our selves is becoming ‘dead honest’ about our lives. We sugarcoat our lives so much as to not get real about how we are living and it really does us no good. Honesty is the best policy. And that can be hard when you have been living a comfortable lie for some time.
We do know so much that is brushed aside and not honoured. As a child I had a very strong feeling that the education in the form of the day was not for me. Education crushes our innate ability to know, to wonder and to be amazed by the magic and beauty of God. Instead we are forced …yes forced to learn by rote and to regurgitate information from books that someone else has written in such a way that that the subject is as dry as sand. Is it any wonder that as children we give up at school because the way we are taught goes against every sense in our bodies, in order to survive we feel we have to switch off or dull ourselves down.
As children we are not taught to honour our feelings of what we know to be true, many children find that their sense of knowing is not welcome either at home or at school so we shut down what we instinctively know. To me it’s like putting on a straight-jacket we are asked to conform to the rules of society so that by the time we reach adulthood we have closed down and become zombies. When I stop to feel this in my body it’s quite horrifying what we actually do to ourselves.
It is quite horrifying what we do to ourselves, ‘There was also an underlying sense of abuse in the way I was prepared to put myself into situations that harmed, rather than honoured, myself.’
Thank you Mary-Lou. It’s a crazy paradox that we think ourselves to be very clever these days but dismiss this inner voice in so many ways. We are all knowing ~ but only when we let our feeling senses be.
Funnily enough today it became very obvious that I would feel something and then not act on it, then complication arose afterwards and I could clearly feel how I created that. To me it is very much avoidance of simplicity, being in my power and wanting identification that made me not just go with what I felt but with the excuses in my head.
Overriding what we know and doing the opposite to please others or to gain recognition is a killer. How many of us go against what we feel and do not speak up; eventually this practice erodes away at us until we no longer know who we are.
What an awesome gift we have in clairsentience and when we use it we simply cannot go astray.
Our clairsentience is a great gift that we all naturally have, the less we override it the more we start to realise that it has great value and the less distracted we are, and the more able we are at being connected to our body the more we value our clairsentience.
Clairsentience is an innate ability we are born with, what do we do with that is then our choice, ‘It is in the Way I Live and the quality I choose in everything I do every day that has supported me to listen to my CLAIRSENTIENCE. ‘
The more I find i honour what I know to be true and stay with it the more I get confirmed with what I have felt. We are all super aware beings just playing lesser thinking what we see and hear is all that can be possible when we are far more than purely physical. We are Gods playing lesser, pretending we can’t feel or know when we do all along.
“what I am now feeling is the true energetic freedom” a beautiful claiming to live who you naturally are.
It sure is Mary and there is no greater gift we can give ourselves, or anyone else for that matter.
Mary-Lou, I could feel your absolute preciousness from a child to an adult reading this today. Thank you.
It is great that Mary-Lou is returning to the love that she is, ‘I have only been able to come back to living from my knowing because I started to love myself – to really love myself, deeply. ‘
When we start fighting what we feel, we end up feeling different things regarding us that do not reflect the truth of what is there to be felt.
it doesn’t seem like rocket science – so why do we take so long to start truly honouring the communication of our bodies, even when the messages have been breaking through loud and clear. The rewards of supporting our body is the access to greater clarity, wisdom and understanding, as well as much greater ability to deal with all situations that come our way. So it is worth at least giving it a go to see!
Imagine not having our inner knowing overridden, but rather supported and nurtured
How often do we forgo our inner knowing, our absolute and all-knowing compass? And when we do, how often do we kick ourselves in the back side for it? – I can say from my life, many, many times have I done that.
I often hear people complain that they were never given a road map on how to be in life. The truth however is that we have been given the gift of clairsentience which supports us to know exactly what is going on and how to deal with it. All that is required is that we listen to our body.
I am really seeing the places I still over-ride my feelings by using my mind to make decisions that are against what I have felt. It all happens in an instant but the outplay from that choice can be incredibly harming.
This alone shows how we need to change education and change this to True Education in supporting children to honour what they already know and what they feel rather than trying to teach what they ‘should’ know which takes them away from this innate and natural clairsentience.
It’s amazing how we can fool ourselves that we are caring for and loving ourselves when in truth we are just going through the motions. It is impossible to take drugs and love ourselves at the same time…unless of course it is the emotional kind of love we are talking about, a love that panders to our wants and needs however harmful and abusing they might be to our body mind and spirit.
True Mary-Lou we can come from knowledge but when we don’t live what we feel is true and build this quality in our day to day life, we will never get it and it will be an endless trap of trying to find more knowledge to satisfy our mind. Our body is full of wisdom and when we put this first before anything else in life our quality will determine what is there for us, living from inside out and not the usual other way around.
Our clairsentience needs to be honoured and accepted as very ‘normal’ when we are young, somewhere along the way we separate from this inner wisdom and then we lose this connection to greater awareness and understanding that supports us through life.