Ring On My Finger

Could it be that we have parts of our body that we have not fully claimed or loved? And if so, how does this affect us either consciously or subconsciously? This was something I clearly felt during my routine one morning regarding one of my fingers, whilst feeling what rings to wear and what fingers to put them on: that on some level, energetically, I felt a finger was not mine! Confused? I will explain.

I love wearing rings on my fingers, but it was only the other day that something was revealed to me that I was not fully conscious of.

While putting my rings on in the morning before leaving the house, I had a feeling to put one on a finger I never have rings on, but hesitated and felt I couldn’t. The finger I am talking about is the finger a woman puts a ring on either when engaged or married: on the left hand next to the little finger.

I remember years ago when growing up being told never to put a ring on that finger because that was only for when I was married. I took this belief on and did not question it, although in my teens I remembered rebelling and putting a ring on it a few times, but even when doing this it was not out of love for myself and my body or about my claiming a part of my body, it was about rebelling against what someone had told me not to do, with an undertone of feeling that I had done something naughty … even though it was my finger and my body!!

On this particular morning though, I could feel that no matter how small it was, on some level I had carried this belief right up until now; it wasn’t even to do with putting a ring on my finger, it was bigger than that. It was the fact that on some level one of my fingers felt that it didn’t belong to me, that I could not claim it and it was there for someone else to claim, and this shocked me. It made me wonder what other parts of my body did I not feel belonged to me as being fully claimed and loved. What other comments had I taken on throughout my life on some level, even subliminally, which still to this day affect my relationship with myself, myself as a woman, and my body?!

I could also feel the insidiousness of the belief I had carried since being young that until I met someone, got married and had a ring on that finger, I was not complete! This also made me wonder how many other woman (or men) around the world feel parts of their body do not completely belong to them or that they have truly and fully claimed with love.

How many of us do not like a certain body part – a bottom, knees, elbows etc – and that in doing this, whether subconsciously or consciously, we are dismissing or disowning a part of ourselves? Is it not time we not only honoured, claimed and loved every single inch of our bodies, but also gave all young women and young men the space do to this for themselves as well?

By Vicky Cooke

Further Reading:
Body Image: A New Way to Look at A Growing Issue
Are We Building Our Body Image, or, Is Our Image Building Our Body?

599 thoughts on “Ring On My Finger

  1. I too have chosen to wear a ring on my “married finger” to remind me that it is about marrying myself first and foremost, that is committing to have a true relationship with myself.

  2. I remember that I always loved the way my body looked but not so much my face. People loved my hair so I was putting my hair hanging around my face.
    One day I decided to tye my hair to the back and then a friend said how beautiful my face was. I cried, tears were on my beautiful face.

  3. I have loved playing with rings on my fingers but agree, the 3rd finger on my left hand was one I only used to send a very specific message – I was off limits! Interesting for me to consider that now…

  4. It is great to become very aware of every little part of our body. It is in fact very wise to because whilst there are parts we are not aware of in full there are parts that also hold onto energies and ways of being that keep us from being in the full power of who we truly are.

  5. I could feel as I read your blog Vicky that the third finger on the left hand was reserved for either engagement or wedding rings and this belief was passed down to us from relatives, parents and how people generally spoke about this finger. Wearing a ring on that finger is instantly recognisable to show if you were married or engage, or ‘taken’ a word that I also remember being used. I find it fascinating how many ideals and beliefs gets passed down to us that are actually imposing and controlling and we learn from young and we accept them because this is what we are told and never really ever stop to question them.

  6. I felt a lot of energy clearing from that finger at times in my life when I wasn’t wearing a ring there, and I have been careful not to take on overlays too as much as possible, like no-longer buying into superstitions about not taking it off, I remove my rings sometimes if I feel to, because its my body, just like you say, especially if my fingers swell and they feel tight. Having a ring cut off in A&E is apparently not a great experience either by the way.

  7. It feels great to be re-visiting the blog Vicky as I loved it the first time and asked myself a few questions afterwards. I can feel how much more claimed I am as who I am and in my whole body now compared even to then, so thank you for raising this. 🙂

  8. It’s interesting – when everything is passing through us at all times, we somehow let certain things stick to us, as if there’s some kind of attraction there between that thing and ourselves, forming an identification of some sort, making it even more stickier.

  9. Beliefs stop us from doing the most natural things, and as we begin to drop those beliefs we start to live a far more natural way of being and expressing ourselves in our fullness.

  10. Reading this blog has stirred something up in me. Currently, my toddler has hidden my wedding rings, and so I don’t have a ring on that finger and it feels naked. But the same thing – I see it as a ‘wedding finger’ and so I don’t wear any other ring on it, and it shows how we certainly have bought into the culture of that finger identifying our relationship status.

  11. A great blog, thank you for sharing Vicky, it makes me realise how I have reclaimed parts of my body now, that I once had so much judgment about, due to the ideals and beliefs around body image. I am learning to love and appreciate every part of my divine self, with much more tender care.

  12. When I am truly taking care of my body and feel amazing there is not one inch of my body that I cannot love. I have taken on beliefs and ideals and know there are areas of my body that I do not love as much as others but I cannot allow these thoughts to faze me or get in the way when I am honouring and respecting me and my body for who I am in essence.

  13. My whole life I have avoided wearing a ring on any finger believing that I didn’t like the feeling of a ring on any finger, but now married for a second time I embraced the idea and now love wearing my wedding ring. False beliefs can stay with us for a very long time and be hard to shift.

    1. I like what you share here Doug as the wedding ring has a very strong consciousness around it. I used to not feel I would want one, or need one, but now I can feel how beautiful and powerful the symbolism of it is.

      1. The resistance to the ring was symbolic of my resistance to the marriage. So I never brought all of me to it and willingly allowed it to be far less than otherwise it might have been. This time my commitment has no self imposed limits.

  14. Thank you Vicky, there is so much here to be considered around which part of my body I may feel is there for others, and that I may not love or claim as my own. In an appearance driven society where a woman’s body is also often sexualised, there are not many reflections of women who love and adore themselves for themselves – Natalie Benhayon is one such role model though. We have body image ideals, beliefs that women or their bodies are property, or even that our breasts as mothers belong to the children when we breastfeed. It’s an enormous topic worthy of deep consideration, thank you, and it’s an inspiring intention to do so to bring more love and care to our lives and to offer a true reflection to others.

  15. That societal expectations and judgments make anyone feel less or incomplete because they don’t have a ring on their left ring finger is really a sad indictment on us on a society as a whole and really should be eradicated.

  16. Recently I became much more aware of my left side and when I did I had pins and needles running down it and it reminded me of what happens with a reperfusion injury when there has been little blood flow to an organ/limb etc and through surgical intervention the blood flow is restored and initially there can be quite a bit of pain as the person gets used to the increased blood flow. That is how it felt to me to connect with the left side of my body.

    1. It is sad yet something many of us do without even thinking about it. I have found doing the Esoteric Yoga hugely supportive feeling each part of my body and bringing awareness to it. Not trying to fix anything and then seeing how the area lights up and warms up which shows I was not fully connecting to it before. It is an amazing feeling when I do this as my whole body then comes alive.

  17. Vicky, this is a great blog. It can be a shock to suddenly feel how we neglected or ignored or had an idea about a particular body part and it can be an experience of a tremendous liberation of the new freedom that is available through the newly found awareness.

  18. Our combined set of beliefs and ideals is what identifies us in life and they have become so much part of us that it doesn’t even occur to us to question them. Often those that surround us carry a very similar set of beliefs and ideals and so they are simply passed on from one generation to the next. Not until someone invites us to stop and asks questions that are so simple but we never had the space to think of ourselves can we start to challenge the beliefs we hold. In my case it was Serge Benhayon who asked those questions.

    1. I agree and over the last 15 years I have found many more of those than I thought could be even possible.

    2. This is so true. Parents have a huge responsibility not to load their children up with false ideals and beliefs that then distort the rest of their lives. There is a great deal of carelessness and irresponsibility that goes on in this area.

      1. I agree Doug, I feel however that the problem is that parents in this case are entrenched in the ideals and beliefs themselves and so we are passing them on and on, generation after generation, every now and then replacing old ones for new ones, but never free of them. The adult generations hold the task to firstly see the fact that we are held by ideals and beliefs and then start to work on discarding their own so the next generation does not get affected by them.

      2. This is spot on. I didn’t mean to attach any blame to parents after all we have all done this myself included, but it is time that we broke this cycle as the awareness of these ideals and beliefs that we give our power away to has never been stronger.

  19. Our beliefs lock us in to a way of being that does not allow us to see beyond the belief. As a result we end up, not understanding what is going on around us because something may not fit into our belief system or we attempt to control everything so we don’t end up questioning if what we believe is true.

  20. “How many of us do not like a certain body part – a bottom, knees, elbows etc – and that in doing this, whether subconsciously or consciously, we are dismissing or disowning a part of ourselves?” – Great question and if we are disowning a part of ourselves is it possible that then another energy takes the opportunity to take up residency there instead… One that undermines us feeling our true essence, until such time as we choose instead to claim back the whole of who we are…

  21. This is a brilliant example of how ideals and belief are much like a curse, that hold us suspended in time so to speak, so that we do not evolve and as such we devolve as a consequence. Our every particle, every part, or our body serves to guide us with an intelligence that supports our evolution so that who we are, the light of our Soul, can be lived in full. Through embracing, honouring and developing a loving relationship with our body, we discover how every part reflects the truth of who we are, and that it is our right to live the celebration that we are.

  22. Our body is there to support us to connect to the beauty within, even with all of our bodies imperfections. Our body is not there to be judged, bettered, improved on but to be cared for, nurtured and loved so that allows us to connect more deeply within and who we are. Any self-judgment or criticism takes us off track. Its not surprising that being this way is endemic.

  23. The impact of an ideal or picture is big on so many levels and always designed to keep us small and not the divine being we are by nature. Our body holds all the wisdom and is our marker of truth so any part that is not fully claimed by us leaves a door open for another energy than sacredness. Great to seal all doors so we can claim our authority and live in unity with the universe.

  24. It’s awesome to consider that even the finest features of our bodies can carry a significant belief and or picture and that in claiming back the divinity we are from we can heal so much. We are but vehicles that express and so we have the responsibility to fully claim, cherish and value each divine part of the whole and enjoy the process of undoing the what is not to uncover more of who we already are.

  25. When we choose to break from the ideals and beliefs and reflect to others that we are not following the norms it often gives another the permission to ponder and question why they too have not taken the opportunity to let go of such constraints.

  26. Taking a moment to see how these beliefs and pictures can still be running us is always a wise choice, ‘What other comments had I taken on throughout my life on some level, even subliminally, which still to this day affect my relationship with myself, myself as a woman, and my body?!’

  27. When I was a teenager going through high school, I did not like my legs. When we sat cross legged in the quadrangle at school, I tried as hard as I could to put my arms across them, or drape my jumper over them. I was ashamed by them because of their size. I felt some sadness writing that as in truth my legs are incredibly awesome and get me from place to place, hold me steady, and provide such a strong foundation. But it took quite a while for that shame to pass, to start connecting to my legs and appreciating them for what they bring and not what I think they should look like. I remember in my 30’s wearing shorts for the first time, and being OK with that. Yes agree VIcky, here’s to loving all of our body and not disconnecting the parts.

    1. A beautiful sharing Sarah, and as a child im sure you never gave a single negative thought to your legs, they were simply part of you. It is not until we focus our attention outward that we get influenced and take on all these pictures that we then compare ourselves to leading to not liking who were are. How beautiful to come back to that childlike way of being where it is not the pictures telling us something about ourselves but the way we feel when we are connected with ourselves.

  28. We live in a world that has ‘red lines’ regarding many things (including our bodies) you can only cross in very specific circumstances. Rebellion against (one of) them means absolutely nothing because when you rebel you confirm what you rebel against and also confirm the general grip that red lines have on you.

  29. “It was the fact that on some level one of my fingers felt that it didn’t belong to me, that I could not claim it and it was there for someone else to claim…” – very relatable Vicky.. it’s as if that finger (marriage finger) is to be only adorned through partnership with another or as if to be owned like a piece of property. No different in ways to other parts particularly of a woman’s body when it comes to her breasts or intimate parts with things such as female genital mutilation [FGM] that continues to be practiced parts of the world. Nobody has the right of another body except the person’s own will to make their body their own, as nature intended.

  30. A great realisation Vicky – “what other parts of my body did I not feel belonged to me as being fully claimed and loved….” Accepting and appreciating every part of my body is something I am working with and at 67 I am loving my own body more than ever – despite its natural ageing etc…….

  31. If we are told and expected to do things, rather than feel what is true for us, it can cause tension and reaction in us, ‘it was about rebelling against what someone had told me not to do, with an undertone of feeling that I had done something naughty ‘.

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