Ring On My Finger

Could it be that we have parts of our body that we have not fully claimed or loved? And if so, how does this affect us either consciously or subconsciously? This was something I clearly felt during my routine one morning regarding one of my fingers, whilst feeling what rings to wear and what fingers to put them on: that on some level, energetically, I felt a finger was not mine! Confused? I will explain.

I love wearing rings on my fingers, but it was only the other day that something was revealed to me that I was not fully conscious of.

While putting my rings on in the morning before leaving the house, I had a feeling to put one on a finger I never have rings on, but hesitated and felt I couldn’t. The finger I am talking about is the finger a woman puts a ring on either when engaged or married: on the left hand next to the little finger.

I remember years ago when growing up being told never to put a ring on that finger because that was only for when I was married. I took this belief on and did not question it, although in my teens I remembered rebelling and putting a ring on it a few times, but even when doing this it was not out of love for myself and my body or about my claiming a part of my body, it was about rebelling against what someone had told me not to do, with an undertone of feeling that I had done something naughty … even though it was my finger and my body!!

On this particular morning though, I could feel that no matter how small it was, on some level I had carried this belief right up until now; it wasn’t even to do with putting a ring on my finger, it was bigger than that. It was the fact that on some level one of my fingers felt that it didn’t belong to me, that I could not claim it and it was there for someone else to claim, and this shocked me. It made me wonder what other parts of my body did I not feel belonged to me as being fully claimed and loved. What other comments had I taken on throughout my life on some level, even subliminally, which still to this day affect my relationship with myself, myself as a woman, and my body?!

I could also feel the insidiousness of the belief I had carried since being young that until I met someone, got married and had a ring on that finger, I was not complete! This also made me wonder how many other woman (or men) around the world feel parts of their body do not completely belong to them or that they have truly and fully claimed with love.

How many of us do not like a certain body part – a bottom, knees, elbows etc – and that in doing this, whether subconsciously or consciously, we are dismissing or disowning a part of ourselves? Is it not time we not only honoured, claimed and loved every single inch of our bodies, but also gave all young women and young men the space do to this for themselves as well?

By Vicky Cooke

Further Reading:
Body Image: A New Way to Look at A Growing Issue
Are We Building Our Body Image, or, Is Our Image Building Our Body?

539 thoughts on “Ring On My Finger

  1. This is such a significant blog, how a ring can be the maker or breaker of who you are. A glance at someones finger and we put them into a box. This simply exposes the level of conditioning and expectations we have on one another. It feels very prison like when you look at it like this.

    1. Natalie thats so true we box people having glanced at their finger, its crazy we are conditioned to even think like that from young. No wonder we start to isolate parts of our body.

    2. But, that is not the only box that is ticked, available or not! Value judgment also creeps in with is the ring; plain, big, big but fake, brash or wow. What pictures do we apply to the ring?

      1. Very true Steve and I was thinking what pictures are applied if there is no ring but a white un- tanned line.

      2. Yes and what about if the ring is on your pinkie or in your nose or on your toes – what does that say?

    3. It is interesting to read the level of boxing shared. It can be as small as a ring on a finger or boxing groups of people according to their religion or nationality. Showing that big or small the imposing words or thoughts are always felt.

    4. That is so true, whether I like it or not I definitely noticed whether there was a ring on that finger. Thankfully now I actually clock the fact that I have done it!

  2. Wow Vicky, great questions. Reading through the blog I was also pondering on parts of my body I have not claimed and I can actually list so many. In the culture where I grew up, having a bigger bottom was just the worst thing. However when I moved to England, it was the opposite – big round bottoms were desirable. This gave me a sense of relief to be honest because I felt like my body shape was acceptable, so I didn’t hide it (like I would back in the country where I was born), I would actually flaunt it and use it to get attention. However, like you mentioned, this was never done with love towards the shape of my body or my bottom. It was done out of an insecurity to prove to myself that I am worthy, thank you for bringing it to my attention ❤

  3. There is a small comment in here… a note about how we cheekily do what we have been told not to as a form of miniature rebellion. It is here, in this little place, that I can feel the spirit so keenly. Just a nudge, a small act of defiance, but its always there suggesting a lie here, a half truth there, and it stops us from being simply and beautifully straight forward about things.

    1. This little but significant point stood out for me too Simon. We often prize rebellion when it comes to setting new trends or developing new perspectives but if the challenging of a status quo is done purely for ourselves or done out of reaction, as opposed to truly being about people, it leads to no real change and such, creates further illusion that we need to work ourselves out of.

  4. Amazing the number of ways we respond or react to life from things we do not even realise and communications we are sending and receiving to each other. One example is the ring finger and everyone assuming when they see the ring on your finger that you are married when you might not be. This feeling from others alone can make us feel like we should not wear a ring on that finger unless we are in fact married!

    1. So this also exposes the insidiousness of assuming about another before knowing the truth. I for a fact know I have done this many times about a person without even meeting or speaking to them I have assumed something about them. Yuk!

      1. Yes and often the ideas come layered with other people’s ideas so that each person is not being met for who they are at that moment and the potential for the interaction to have the true quality it deserves.

  5. We get trapped thinking there is no time to bring a loving detail into everything we do and so we give up and choose our battles so to speak. However when we honour how we feel to do what needs to be done, our lives begin to fill with appreciation and purpose. In this space is created.

  6. Focusing on every area of our body and our life is key to knowing ourselves deeply and living all that we are.

    1. Yes very true Deborah, I thoroughly agree. This is much more important than how many rings we can accumulate and what they mean to everyone else.

      1. Why should stop there, Jane! Can I use my pointing finger to direct you to my thumbs up, to your list of fingers and their uses! We wont mention the middle finger. The baby finger is just what it is. And, when they are all in brother hood, the fist wins, hands down!

      2. I will keep my fingers crossed Steve and this could possibly change nothing? Could it be we are in safe hands when we re-connect to God or do we make a fist of it and settle for second best, which can also be two fingers in the air for a ‘v’ for five?

  7. Own/Claim your body in full or you are owned by something that doesn´t belong to your body. The process of healing or restoration is the discarding of what doesn´t belong and reclaiming one´s fullness.

  8. What is it about our bodies that we tend to be so highly critical or disregarding? In a search for perfection we look outside ourselves for approval when if we look within we realise that we have an inner beauty that when nurtured shines out as we embrace our whole. The more I take time to appreciate all the little details about my body the more I come to love it ‘warts and all’.

  9. Well you have raised a very surprising aspect here, i love it. Claiming every single aspect of our body and those parts we haven’t why is that? It is a reflection of how we live our whole lives, we accept parts of our lives and those parts we do not accept or honour, is likely to be related to an aspect of our body since everything is interconnected but we live as though we are parts.

  10. I agree, I have considered my left ring finger to be allocated from a very young age…..so great to consider what this means for us as we go about life. My left finger does have a wedding ring on it and I do enjoy it being there and the commitment I have made, but to assume that it is going to be the case, or that this finger is only for is great to challenge and discuss, I know I and many relate too this on some level.

  11. A beautiful sharing on what effects us all in so many ways showing the beliefs we take on to not love ourselves and different parts of our body to make us less and feel we are not good enough all the time denying our own beauty and divinity, innermost knowing and love. Wow how much we try to not love ourselves and the effort this takes seems quite ridiculous when how beautiful we are in reality.

  12. “Is it not time we not only honoured, claimed and loved every single inch of our bodies, but also gave all young women and young men the space to do this for themselves as well?” I agree, if we honour ourselves and our body, we then are true reflections for young women and men to do the same. They learn a lot from our reflections.

  13. I love this article and chat. Bringing awareness to how we compartmentalise our bodies, even handing over ‘ownership’ to other people and/or beliefs. It makes it very clear to me how important it is to pay attention to my whole body, as one, and how it feels in its totality… a bringing back together and claiming.

  14. The details, everything is in the details. They teach us about how energy enters and controls us, however we have to be willing to take notice.

  15. Yes is common amongst women to zone in on a certain body part and pick it to pieces. Rather then feel our essence and love this to pieces. We are so used to criticizing our bodies instead of appreciating our being.

  16. I have played ball with this game often- the fear of wearing a ring on my ‘marriage finger’ due to the ingrained beliefs that came from family and friends. Often been sold the idea that this should always remain open to show that you are open to a relationship. But what if my choice of words and my eyes spoke the same?

  17. It is so normal to dislike parts of our body but to me this never has felt to be true. In a way when we go there we are in denial of something we are living with for all of our lives, a part of our body that is is expressing, ‘sorry I am not at home today, maybe you can try it another day when you want to see me in full’. This to me makes no sense. It is something we tend to do, to dislike part of our body that actually is telling us something, something beautiful in us that wants to be discovered and lived in full. Only when fully claimed our body can live it fullness in all its glory.

    1. What you raise here Nico adds another dimension into the conversation not in how ill beliefs or ideals affect us and our relationship with our body, especially the subconscious ones as mentioned in this blog; but how we sometimes become comfortable with not being a ‘full house’ so to speak all of the time ‘sorry I am not at home today, maybe you can try it another day when you want to see me in full’. and that this is seen as being okay and acceptable!

      1. Indeed Vicky, that is the problem We can get away with it because it is so acceptable that you do not like parts of your body and we never say, hey you are absolutely awesome the way you are and the divine reflection you give. Please do not change anything and accept this fact and shine.

  18. I see now that any attempt to compartmentalise my body rather than love it wholly is still a separation, and I recognise that I do feel much more “as one” these days, thank you.

  19. If we are not claiming ourselves and letting others run us through the ideals and beliefs we take on we are consequently going to hold areas of the body with such ideals and beliefs as everything we live is equally experienced in the body.

  20. Strange really, isn’t it? Who decides these things? Why that finger and that hand? But perhaps there is a deeper symbolism to this part of the body that we’re unaware of. There is certainly a lovely symbolism to the ring itself – it seems to suggest unity, and a cycle.

  21. Even thinking about all the rules we place on ourselves and each other is exhausting, let alone trying to comply with them!

    1. It is so much simpler when we just go with and live by what we feel. I know it exhausts me when I try to do the right thing by, and to, please everyone. Something I have found is the more true I am to myself not only is it less exhausting I actually take more care and consideration for everyone else equally – it is like a ripple effect which all comes back to the quality I am choosing.

  22. To remember that every part of our body is equally important, to cherish and adore supports me in understanding that equally every part of my life is important, no matter what I do or whom I meet, everything equally important.

  23. Fascinating Vicky, I definitely had the ‘that’s my wedding ring finger’ thing happening, and have to say I still do. I now have a ring on it as l’m married, but for most of my life this wasn’t the case. I didn’t hanker to be married or feel incomplete for not being (in the end), but I still reserved that finger less people might think I was married when i wasn’t, or that I wanted to be, when I didn’t particularly.
    So still a level of adjustment to what is traditional, rather than feeling for myself whether I would choose to wear a ring on that finger or not at any point in time… because I liked it, and nothing else.

    1. This is starting to change for me. Currently I am not married and haven’t been but even after seeing this belief and calling it out it has still taken me a while to wear a ring on this finger and feel it is okay! Fascinating how we can be so tentative even when it is to do with truly claiming every area of our body.

      1. Yes l’ve never thought about it like that Vicky… claiming every part of your body as your own! Thank you, l’m going to ponder that more deeply!

  24. Yeah my bum! How many women hate their bums, and their behind us so we don’t really see them – let’s be honest. I don’t believe there is one women on this planet that has not been critical of herself or judgemental / jealous of another woman’s body. Now don’t get me wrong it’s not something I hate – but I do criticise sometimes with words but often with thoughts along with my tummy and thighs. If we really knew what a huge impact this has on other people, young girls we would stop immediately.

  25. Its interesting just how much identification one may feel about themselves either with or without a ring on the finger, and this I feel comes about from societal influences, norms or expectations that play a big influence on a person.

  26. This article has invited me to ponder on whether there are any areas of my body that I don’t claim or celebrate in equal measure to other parts, whether there are parts that I dislike more than others – and I would have to say ‘yes’. Whilst I have made huge leaps in appreciating my body I can still find myself going into critique in subtle ways but this critique I feel comes from looking at my body and seeing the consequences of my choices reflected there. It is this reflection I don’t like rather than the body part itself! In order to sustain and evolve in those loving choices a good start would be to love my body in full- warts and all!

  27. It was not so much a part of my body I did not honour and respect but my whole body. I just took it for granted and abused it even though as a complimentary body-worker I paid lip-service to its care. It was not until I was introduced to true integrity by Serge Benhayon did I understand and appreciate how false I was in ‘walking my talk’. I have now come to understand the respect it deserves and the appreciation of this forever deepening.

  28. This is the second time I am reading this blog and the first time I could significantly feel that my ring finger was not owned by me but by I set of rules of being a wife. But what has been brought to my attention today while reading it and scanning my body for if there are parts that I ignore or disown. I was surprised to feel that I have never really claimed my bottom. When I was young, family would say you’re going to have a bottom like one of your aunties, and this wasn’t a compliment. I was told I would have a flatbottom and it would hang down and implied it would not be attractive. This is great to actually feel and notice how cold and numb that part of my body feels.

    1. Hi Aimee, yep I know exactly what you mean I am still in the process of claiming this finger back. Only yesterday I sat and with my other hand placed my fingertips around the base of this finger. It is crazy the feelings I got from doing this like there was a ‘purity’ with it and this feeling was coming not from within me and my body but from the outside .. it was a really insidious feeling so this is still very much work in progress but it is definitely changing. And I can really relate with what you have shared about how members of the family say things, when I was young and saw my aunties they would say which one of us was like our mum and which one of us was like our dad this felt like it completely dismissed me as a person and instead was putting me into a box of who I was like. Great you have noticed this with your bottom as now you can start to beautifully claim and love this part of you.

  29. Vicky it’s an interesting and valid question about what might happen when we dislike a part of our body, that we could be “dismissing or disowning a part of ourselves”. With the world strongly influenced by body image ideals a lot of people could be experiencing this and disconnected from themselves. I’ll be reflecting on areas I might not be loving with also.

    1. I feel a bit sorry for my backside – I have belittled it for so many years, complained about it, never really appreciated the support it has offered me over the years – till now and I appreciate it every day standing or sitting!

  30. It’s interesting how beliefs we have can lead to certain behaviours. Also interesting how a body part can be reserved for someone else and we really don’t feel that it belongs to us. I know I have had a fear of marriage in the past, feeling that if a man placed a ring on my finger my whole body and my whole life would belong to him. Really scary!

  31. ‘made me wonder how many other woman (or men) around the world feel parts of their body do not completely belong to them’ – Absolutely, we certainly give parts of our body over to ideals, expectations, other people or a purpose which splits our body into fragments. I can imagine that models feel an enormous pressure to do this, as with actors and athletes, however so many of us do it without even realising.

  32. I have always loved rings and often felt as a child that I would like to wear one as a representation not of my marriage to another but my commitment first and foremost to myself.

  33. When we judge any one part of our body as not being “good enough” we poison ourselves because judgement is a poison in the body.

  34. The way we are with out body puts me in mind of travel. You know the way when you see things every day, as part of your routine you become a bit blasae. ‘Oh yeah that old thing again’. Contrast this with the wonder we experience when we visit somewhere just for a day -‘ooooh wow look at that! It’s amazing’. And the funny thing is we are actually more like tourists on this plane of existence, here just for a visit until the next life. The more I remember this fact Vicky the more I appreciate every part of this body and life around me – for I am here just to celebrate and enjoy all I see.

    1. So true Joseph, like being on autopilot do the same old same old and never questioning life, our values, beliefs, ideals, patterns or what we tolerate and why we have these in the first place. Like the the ring finger that wasn’t even something that came from me it was something outside of myself that I carried with me yet it was to do with my own body.

  35. Why on earth do we choose to dislike part of our body, our pathway back to the divine origin we are from?

  36. So well said Vicky, what a great blog to remind us to claim in full the body we are in and to look at what we may have taken on from others that is not our truth.

  37. The glory of claiming back every part of us as a whole being, amazing no more separation or ignoring of one part or another. Claiming back our body for divine purpose not function.

  38. Sometimes it is a bit of shock when you realise you’ve been carrying around a set of rules that you have accepted as truth or part of the way you go about your everyday and they are completely false and unsupportive.

  39. mmm what a consideration! I am sure that is what I felt before I got married too – I know I felt like a marked woman when I got engaged and actually resisted wearing an engagement ring if my partner didn’t! Goodness, there is so much we don’t question but carry with us.

  40. It amazes me how a belief can distort our perception of what is right. I am now questioning everything I hear or read. That is the start of making a true choice about whether something is right for me.

  41. What a great disclosure to look at the simple little beliefs we hold and how they effect us such as the ring on our ( wedding ) finger and how we allow this to rule throughout our lives and let it govern our thinking also.
    Questioning all we are told and feeling what is being said and the energy of this makes so much difference to our lives in every way possible and from the knowing that that there is always room for more with expansion and love and true understanding.

  42. Before I discovered conscious presence, being caring, gentle and tender with myself, there were so many parts of my body I was consistently unaware of. In fact I would say the only parts that stood out were my mind and anything that hurt! It feels incredible to feel the whole body equally and be with it wholeheartedly. This is a key element to health and vitality that is missing in people today.

  43. Such a brilliant blog Vicky exposing the false ideals and beliefs around the special ring finger that so many of us subscribe to and never question where that came from or how true it is.

  44. I used to always check out other womens ring fingers to see if they were married or not.In my early life I was always desperate to be married..To have worn a ring on that finger would have lessened my chances of getting married..Goodness me what a revelation of how little I treasured myself. Such a tiny thing but actually very capping.Thank you for the illumination!

  45. This is such a great observation, and something that I had not clocked myself, but when I think back as long as I can remember the ring finger has been reserved for that special ring, either engagement or wedding.

  46. This thing about waiting for something for marriage to make things complete, giving part of your body to this idea is huge for many of us. Great to expose how this runs, great to be aware and look at how we can claim our whole body and not wait for anything or anyone.

    1. Absolutely giving our power away to something outside of ourselves or thinking that we need another or something outside ourselves to ‘complete’ us is a very insidious ill ideal and belief.

  47. I love this blog, Vicky, -it is very powerful in its’ simplicity. I spend many years not liking and ignoring my feet which i perceived as being chubby, cracked and not part of me. Since I have been caring for them lovingly I can feel their beauty and solidness and they are now soft, slim and have a delicateness about them. It is all about a loving connection to all that we are.

  48. I have been recognising how much we can be attached to the consciousness of marriage and of being a good wife/husband. Being divorced – even at my own instigation – was very exposing of that and just recently a bit more of that has come up to clear. The more I am myself and less identified as being a good wife, the more ME there is to bring to our relationship together, of which the marriage is only a confirmation of our already lived way and relationship together.

    1. Yep being a ‘good’ anything .. wife, daughter, sister, brother, friend, husband, partner, colleague etc is so insdious because it is saying we have to ‘be’ something instead of we already naturally are EVERYTHING!

  49. One of the greatest way I have gotten to know my own body more is to lay down with my eyes closed. I start at my feet or head and bring my awareness to all the parts of my body and get a feel for them. It is also a very calming thing to do.

  50. My breasts never felt really mine. Ai did not connect with them really.
    It were the EBM breast massage sessions that made me feel they are part of my female body.

  51. “Is it not time we not only honoured, claimed and loved every single inch of our bodies, but also gave all young women and young men the space do to this for themselves as well?”

    Yes indeed it is time, thank you for your invitation to explore what inches need my love.

  52. I am going to put my heels on the ground and walk gently but solidly in life, whether or not my heels show me they are appreciated or neglected at this moment will not stop me from putting them on the ground and walk gently but solidly, starting from right now.

  53. You made me ponder which parts of my body I don’t love in full. It’s my legs. I don’t really want to be with them, because they carry the stiffness and energy of life long not being in them in full.

    1. I have had a similar thing with my legs recently Willem and am starting to be more aware of what energy I walk in, even around the house, as this is the energy my legs are constantly returning up and down. Do I walk rushed, or not with all of my body loving me. I have started to massage my legs more as well. As another person shared the moment we start to care, love and appreciate a part of our body we have not liked the energy starts to change.

  54. It sounds strange that we disconnect/disassociate from different parts of our body but we do. This occurs for all sorts of reason. The more we claim back all parts of our body the more vitality we become. Carrying around a hurt, ideal or belief is very tiring.

  55. An interesting thing to ponder Vicky. When we disconnect and relegate a part of ourselves as less we are turning away from appreciating the beautiful whole being that works together in absolute harmony.

  56. Most women seem to have some part of their body that they don’t like the look of. I have been bringing much more loving care to a body part I had rejected long ago, claiming back that part feels beautiful to do so. The other day I painted my toenails the first time ever, doing this has brought much more awareness and appreciation of my lovely feet.

  57. Our finger being seen as a segment of us where we do not have autonomous power, simply because of our view that the finger can only carry an engagement or a wedding ring. As ridiculous as this sounds, it is a clear reflection of the devastating impact of the many ideals and beliefs which we are not even conscious of, yet similarly colour our thoughts and dominate our lives.

  58. How many choices do we make regarding our body that are actually driven by what others expect of us, or what we should or shouldn’t do according to what we have been told by others or society? What we wear, what we eat, who we spend time with, where we live etc. are all choices that perhaps we are not choosing as freely as we might like to think…

    1. Over the last few days I have got to feel how I behave with others and is it truly me or am I behaving in a certain way to please. It is been quite revealing leaving me feeling quite fragile, sensitive and raw with myself at the moment but I see this as a blessing. I am being asked to honour me first and what I feel and not to override this constantly.

  59. I may have shared this previously, but when I first put on my wedding ring it felt claustrophobic, so much so that I could not wear it for long. In other words, it came with an energetic imprint based on the flood of expectations that come around marriage, and which I was in deep reaction to. Let is amazing what we hold onto in the body that we are not necessarily aware of.

  60. There are a myriad of ideals and beliefs surrounding men, women, life, our bodies and what we should or should not do, wear, think and so the list goes on. It is deeply healing to reclaim our body in the knowing that we are the living authority of our own body and life and that any such beliefs and pictures that are promoted, provided or bombarding us have no power whatsoever if we do not align to them or accept them.

  61. When I am with myself and full of me, there is not a single part of my body I don’t love fully. It doesn’t even cross my mind. I find myself looking down a my tummy and loving it.

  62. The reason we allow those thoughts is because we have separated from ourselves, we are not living ourselves in full and claiming ourselves, our truth, what we know and feel, with that the energy of withdraw and giving up can come smashing in – and in that a flood of negative, self destructive thoughts, the key as hard as it may be, it to not allow this, by saying no I’m not giving up, I have a responsibility to reflect something divine, something amazing to everyone who sees me, because 99.9 % of the planet are in given up, withdrawn energy. So, it is so so important when we feel ourselves go into this, to say no, we are not going to be another one taken so to speak, we have a job to do, and that is to live love whole heartedly, without any ra ra or look at me, but in the absolute joy of living in a fully claimed body – so people can feel and see there is another way, even with all this devastation in this world and around us everyday – we don’t have to give up, we can live easily, a truly joyful and deeply loving and caring way.

  63. I enjoy picking a ring to wear to match the delicacy and expression I feel for that day and that means the possibility of wearing it on any finger.

  64. It has always bugged me how women are always expected to wear a wedding ring but men can have a choice whether to wear one or not. It suggests that the woman belongs to the man and has to show that on her finger, but a man is free to do what he likes. That doesn’t feel like equality to me.

  65. A seemingly small and harmless belief that is anything but. I wonder what other seemingly ‘small’ beliefs I have taken on and more importantly what the consequences are…

  66. Since reading your inspirational blog Vicky, I have being observing if there is any area of my body I care for less than other areas, and what came up for me is how I treat my toenail different to my hand nails in so far as I apply cream daily to my hand nails but never to my toenails. Since starting to apply cream to my toenails I am much more aware of them and of my feet in general.

    1. That is really inspiring Elizabeth as others have also shared once we notice that we either ignore or dislike a part of our body and pay loving attention and care to this part the body instead the relationship with ourselves and this part of the body changes. So this then makes me wonder about diets? If instead of dieting to get slim we loved and accepted every inch of ourselves for who we are could it be that our our body shape would naturally change?

      1. I agree Vicky, If we loved and accepted all of ourselves unconditionally, our health, body shape and vitality would return to what is naturally right and supportive to us as we travel through life.

  67. Today it’s been made clear to me, emphatically that we can’t pick and choose the bits of life we like. We can’t put importance in one aspect and ignore the all. It’s all one life and we are made to live each day this way. If we tend to see it separately then it’s no surprise to me that we apply the same thinking to our body too. After all, like the beautiful symbol of the ring you use Vicky – everything we see and feel is joined up and interlinked.

  68. Not only do we dismiss or neglect certain areas of our body, we do this to others too. How often have you heard phrases like ‘you have your mother’s eyes’ or ‘you have your father’s smile’? Really? I thought they belonged to me!

    1. Great call Jane. Yep totally dismissing the person for who they truly are and instead comparing them to another!

  69. It almost feels sometimes as though a part of my body has been stolen by having chosen at some point to join the cultural identity of women in the 1950’s and 60’s. I love the feeling of claiming those parts back by getting in touch with what it means to be a true woman, to feel the Stillness within, the holding of that Stillness, my presence in the whole of my body, the movements I express with a loving energy of tenderness, grace, and from my own rhythm. This is the energetic claiming as a whole, bringing all the parts — neglected or not — together to be felt in unity.

  70. Our bodies communicate everything with us. Loving choices and movements support me to feel lovely and unloving choices let to me feeling down, empty and stiff.

  71. That is so funny, I had the same thing with that finger before I was married. I rebelled as a teen too but as I got older, I really wanted to meet someone, so it was coupled with a belief that if I wore I ring on that finger then single men would not know I was available.
    Then later I valued the worldly symbolism, everyone knew if that finger was bare, they still had a shot at courting you, I begun to feel that maybe it wasn’t so bad, maybe it was even cool? I never really thought of it again….until this blog and now I am unsure what I think but I find it a very interesting subject.

  72. A brilliant exposing of the love and beliefs we have for different parts of our bodies and how this effects us and how we perceive others feel about us. The joy of loving ourselves and our bodies and appreciating everything of ourselves stands out here as the only important way to live and treasure the amazing ness and beauty we all our in our hearts and to open this up to the world.

  73. It is definitely time we stopped our negative thoughts about certain parts of our bodies we have disliked or had a ‘thing’ about. I have wasted many years listening to the negative mental chatter and now I tell it to go away. I make a point as I dry myself after a shower or a bath of feeling the part I am drying and holding it lovingly. As we embrace all of ourselves, we embrace all parts of life too.

  74. After reading your blog Vicky I changed the rings around on my finger and wore them on the ‘ring’ finger. It was amazing how many people had noticed and some even commented with, ‘so when did you get married’? How many beliefs and ideals are running us that we may not even be aware we have subscribed to; really a great consideration.

  75. Your sharing reminds me of whole body intelligence and how loving it is to treat the body as a whole every part equally important.

  76. Yes Vicky I too bought into that insidious consciousness around needing to have a ring in order to feel like a women, so could relate to your statement. “I could also feel the insidiousness of the belief I had carried since being young that until I met someone, got married and had a ring on that finger, I was not complete!”

  77. When we appreciate ourselves for our beingness and express it in our movements we are in touch with our soul where there is only immense love for who we are and not for the way we look.

  78. Yes, we might neglect parts of us the way you describe Vicky, but it’s just a matter of time till we get joined up. Because of the gorgeous way life is designed we cannot move or change or truly grow unless we tend to, care and nurture our whole being. Just like the ring, life shows us if we truly want to move forward the essential humbling thing to understand is everything is one in this life, so to ignore bits, or drive ahead with others will never ever work.

  79. Every part of our body is to be loved and appreciated. In fact, if there is a part that we do not love or appreciate, this is the ‘weakest link’ in other words this is the level of love we actually bring to our whole body, as nothing can be truly more than that. And so it becomes a time to hone in on those areas that we feel might not be so appreciated, and to pour immense appreciation onto that part and learn to love it just like anything else. This is what allows us to grow.

    1. What you have shared here Henrietta is a true STOP moment. So you are saying that basically if we have a part of our body that we like the least this is the barometer we are working from for our whole body!!!! That is HUGE! So for example I might love all of me apart from my legs so instead of starting at the point of where I am loving all of me I am starting from the point of not liking my legs! WOW definitely am going to ponder this one. Thank you for what you have shared.

    2. Thank you Henrietta for such poignant reverence to the body and life as whole and that we cannot get away with treating one part in disregard without impacting on the all.
      I overate a little at dinner this evening and your comment brings my attention to the disregard I have had for my stomach and digestion system, and also my gums which can be aggravated when I eat to distract and let food abrasively rub against them. Yet I have a choice to be present with how I chew and process food in my mouth gently – for the whole body. Beautiful for as I write that I can feel that when I eat I am focussed on the mouth or the stomach, but not connected to the whole body yet if I start with the whole connection it is very hard to eat in a way that will disturb this whole. Awesome.

    1. Rebecca, that can put things into perspective for a man. It could feel like a rejection of the person as in “I only want you for your ring!”.

  80. Thank you Vicky Crook – yes we need to do that. We need to claim our love, our truth and show humanity that it is possible to be fully complete within yourself. A healing of all mankind to see that what we have seen and lived is based on pictures – pictures that are actually false.
    We are love A love we all are. Hence living in a way that is not loving – is an absolute lie.

  81. It can be similar with a physical symptom on a body part. It is a message from the body but what does it mean? One of the stranger ones was a thickening of the skin on my right thumb which stopped when I stopped reading while eating. It was there for months and then it went away without a trace.

    1. Thank you Christoph, this leaves me to feel deeper into what my body is telling me, and paying attention to every detail.

  82. I have never really enjoyed wearing rings on my fingers, what it makes me consider though is that we live in ways which become incongruent to our body’s flow, in effect disregarding certain parts of us.

  83. I have not ever given it much thought, and yet I subconsciously have as I have never been married and not ventured to ever wear a ring on this finger. In a way the whole foundation from which this ritual came was probably founded on some level of ownership or possession. It would be interesting to find out how the tradition eventuated and why.It leads me to ponder where else to we let traditions and beliefs own us. This is just one of many.

  84. ‘How many of us do not like a certain body part ‘? I have always intensely disliked my feet. Some time ago, I decided to give them a lot more attention and love in the form of a daily massage after my shower, sometimes actually morning and night which my feet greatly appreciated (after being the target of my negative thoughts for years). A few months back, I was sharing a bedroom with a friend. I was sitting on the bed with no socks on my feet. This friend came into the room, noticed my feet and said; ‘you have the most delicate feet’. Well, she knocked me for six and what a turnaround, I would have never called my feet delicate, never. However, I have since accepted the compliment and the confirmation of the acceptance of that part of my body!

  85. It is amazing how a few words and a consciousness can pervade our every move if we allow it. This blog helps me to see how important it is not to blindly accept the customs and words that are we imposed on us.

  86. It is so, how many people hate themselves as they don’t live up to a picture (lie) they have been sold. You see we are bombarded and encouraged to live to a certain image be it laid back surfer, chic city career man/woman, wholesome, stay at home mum, tats / no-tats etc.. etc.. But where are we encouraged to truly be ourselves and explore our unique expression.

  87. Its true Vicky … I realized upon reading your article that I have put some bits of my body in the too hard basket…. And yes , every part of our body deserves to be nurtured.

    1. take them out of that basket and love every single inch and cell of you ✨ i am still working on fully claiming my finger back!

  88. I can feel the importance of claiming any part of my body equally as being part of me, an expression of the divine in me in the physical world.

  89. Very awesome article to share. Just what else do we not claim in the tradition of wearing a wedding ring, what does it signify for each of us individually? To ponder on this and feel the energy behind it is necessary. As to what the ring means and brings for each of us, if it is not Love and equality, there will be conflict, control and demands on our partners that doesn’t foster and build harmonious relationships.

  90. Whether its the ring on your finger, or perhaps the fact that (for me) I really don’t pay that much attention to my feet! They seem like such a long way away, and I can ignore them all day, abuse them, take them for granted. Yet the job they do for me, and the information I get from walking or standing… super important to keep feeling them and keep loving them too.

  91. I feel how loving this sharing is Vicky, and how pertinent the questions are – do we fully claim to wfh part of our body and if not then who does. And rebellion is not claiming it’s just a reaction to what we’ve been asked to fulfill which we know is not right but rather than clearly state that we rebel and the cycle continues. I now feel to more thoroughly look at my reactions and see where I’m in rebellion and not in fact claiming and honouring what I know.

    1. very cool .. that you are looking at your reactions to see where you are rebelling, yep for me the ring on my finger was just one of them. If we react with rebelling it solves absolutely nothing as we are still not truly loving us as we could be and why on earth would we want to rebel about loving us!!!!

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