As a child I was frequently admonished for being ungrateful. My mother told me often how good I had it because I wasn’t born during the war (WWII) and that I should be grateful we had food and a roof over our head. In later years, our GP, the ‘family doctor,’ echoed this sentiment when he suggested how fortunate I was and how grateful I should be for studying at university at a young age rather than having to wait for years as he had, and once again because of ‘that war.’
And of course, there was much – and then some – to be appreciated. I remember the sun streaming in through the curtains one Easter morning, bringing the promise of Spring and warmer weather and Easter eggs. And even though I was ashamed and embarrassed at first, I appreciated and loved my godfather for pointing out my competitiveness in a board game. Nobody else had gone to the trouble and I would never forget.
I so enjoyed spending time with him and his wife in their beautiful house; I loved that she was elegant, even though I did not know the word as a little girl. I loved that she wore perfume; it preceded her wherever she went and suited her to a T. I adored that she was an artist and could create beautiful things every day, with such ease and poise.
But what was it about being grateful that didn’t sit right?
Was I just plain callous and ungrateful or is there more to it?
Reading the first paragraph about being grateful again, do you also get this sense of how sticky, servile and guilt-ridden this much-touted virtue of being grateful is? I must have felt it as a child; the unfairness of being asked to extend a sentiment towards something outside of me, something I had no personal and felt experience of. How come I was born when I was born? Was that my fault and was there a suggestion that I should have been born during the war? What had I done wrong?
There was a feeling of being made beholden to strange people and unknown situations and there was the threat of guilt when being asked to be grateful for something nebulous and unfathomable that seemed to have to do with ‘fate’ – if there is such a thing. And what could I possibly do about that?
Being grateful felt like a yoke and imposition, something that was wielded against and over me to put me in my place lest I forget my inferior position in the overall scheme of things. In later years I would hear the expression ‘being grateful for small mercies’ and it confirmed the implied servitude and the pecking order: beware, your place is at the bottom of the heap and be grateful for what you have. In other words: stay in your place and don’t you dare step out of line!
And to top it all, there was the guilt of being ungrateful, knowing full well that to be a good person means to not ever be ungrateful.
In the second paragraph, the words ‘appreciate,’ ‘love’ and ‘adore’ appear: can you feel the expansion and the spaciousness they bring? Can you feel that appreciation carries no demands, impositions or implied servitude? Can you feel that appreciation does not ask anything of us but is an offering that supports and confirms us? Can you feel and do you know from your own experience that appreciation is felt in your body and can’t help but express and share itself around?
Is it possible that appreciation is part of basic self-care, supports our vitality, is joyful and does not need to put one person down at the expense of another/others?
Can you feel that appreciation does not play power games?
So, what is it about two seemingly very similar words that sets them worlds apart? Did you think they meant the same?
What are we buying into when we just accept what is thrown at us and comply?
What do we subscribe to when we are grateful? Is it that which asks us ‘to be grateful for small mercies?’ Are we saying ‘yes’ to servitude, belittlement and guilt?
And furthermore, what do we know innately as children that we then discard to fit in?
What happens to this inner compass that can feel and knows exactly which direction the wind is blowing from?
And finally, would it be fair to say that we can easily be led astray if we don’t feel, discern and stay with what feels true – regardless of the prevailing winds?
By Gabriele Conrad, Goonellabah, NSW
Related Reading:
What is the Science of Appreciation and how does it Evolve All of Our Relationships?
The Art of Appreciation – Helping to Break the Cycle of Self Abuse
Appreciation, Appreciation, Appreciation…..
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
When we re-connect back to the constellations 💫 and understand the True meaning and purpose behind the word appreciation and how intimacy is inherently connected to appreciation we start to get an understanding about our relationship with heaven and divine-appreciate-ive-ness.
Yes there is a different between gratitude and appreciation. The body feels the difference. Gratitude leaves you thinking of another and thoughts in your mind. Whilst appreciation leaves you with a fulness in your body and no thoughts of consuming your space.
Gratitude is guilt ridden because of other people’s past’s. Appreciation leaves you with more than what words can describe, and in this, more is offered to you by being of service to others.
Appreciation is part of settlement and ties up loose ends, providing a platform for the next step/s up.
Thanks Gabriele, there were a couple of key things in your writing that highlighted the difference between appreciation and gratitude – one was how do they each feel in the body? Gratitude definitely feels to me to be a heavy feeling and a lowering of position, but appreciation feels very light and from within my heart, very strengthening also. You also mentioned gratitude often coming with a pecking order, how true! To receive what we have been given in relation to others experiences and positions, with a big dose of comparison, whereas appreciation is just felt from within and feels very free.
Thank you, Melinda; so well dissected and brought to the point.
Yes Melinda there is an entitlement in gratitude. Whilst appreciation is just is, with no impositions, or expectations.
This is super powerful to clock: “appreciation carries no demands, impositions or implied servitude” and “appreciation does not play power games.” – so simple and free of contraints, and room for expansion and growth and endless inspiration.
There are many who hold or write a ‘gratitude’ diary, perhaps this would be better changed to an appreciation diary to allow for true growth and expansion of expressing our appreciation, rather than a subservience that we have been conditioned into from a young age by expressing gratitude?
Gabriele, this is a very powerful blog that really explores the difference between Gratefullness and appreciation. The former is about subservience and belittlement, whilst the latter is all about equalness and expansion.
Reading this I can feel the grating in my body with gratefulness and appreciation invites me to be aware of all I have to appreciate.
Appreciation for me always feels lovely, opens me up to more appreciation.
Understanding energetic appreciation, as there is a Joy we live in before we can live the true appreciative-ness, and as we are blessed by the way we appreciate life as it is about our connection to our Soul / Essences and the deeper understanding we all equally can be connected.
Having gratitude for something is loaded with guilt and imposes ideals and beliefs onto us, whereas apprciation for ourselves and others builds everyone without imposition.
Just reading what you share about gratitude feels very heavy in my body, gratitude comes with a heavy draining energy.
It’s great to be aware of the words that we are using in order to communicate to/with each other. Some words do seem to have gathered a lot of dust so to speak and the way they have been used can hold an energy that is not healthy nor something we would want to spread around and perhaps some words were born in this energy. I know I often re-read what I have written and see how I have perhaps used a preposition, a very small word, but that in itself can change the flavour of my message – just as here using the word to or with after communicate – can make a difference.
Our choice of words is often haphazard, near enough is close enough, she’ll be right, mate. But it is not, we hurt and dishonour ourselves and others with this casualness.
Exactly.
I agree Gabriele, ‘Our choice of words is often haphazard’, something I am still working on to be more precise and true with what I am expressing.
It’s like we let come out of our mouths whatever and as though it didn’t matter; when in truth it does in fact matter, both to the recipient and the one who uttered the whatever.
No question – being asked to be grateful is an imposition… a command from the outside that you have to be a certain way. Appreciation on the other hand wells up from inside and comes directly from you. What is even better is that like no other resource, the more you give, the more you have of it.
There is certainly an available abundance of the qualities of our true beingness which sustain us by engendering more of themselves as we express them; in this case and as you mention, appreciation given makes for more appreciation. The more you give, the more you have.
Gratitude is heralded as something that is good for our wellbeing. Being thankful for the things we have in life. But it feels like a mind based activity. Talking ourselves into something that we should be thankful for. Appreciation feels much more open, yes I know we can also turn that into an activity where by rote we can say I appreciate this or that, but there is much more to appreciation. There is a quality that comes as we begin to appreciate choices we are making. There is a feeling in the body when we observe a change within, when we observe something we have not done before. This to me is appreciation. It does not necessarily depend on what’s going on outside of ourselves, whereas gratitude is based on the externalities of life.
I love how you have teased this apart and clarified it – appreciation to me feels all-encompassing and it confirms our part within the All.
This is a lovely example of appreciation Jennifer, ‘There is a feeling in the body when we observe a change within, when we observe something we have not done before. This to me is appreciation.’
Being told to be grateful in that way suggests you don’t deserve or should not enjoy what is before you – brings in a lot of unworthiness and contraction whereas as you say, appreciation is very different and feels like a confirmation from which you can expand.
Being told to be grateful also feels as though it comes with a touch or at times even a truck load of resentment and possibly bitterness, harking back to a time in the person’s life when they were doing it tough. And thus, this request is not realy a simple question but feels more like being scolded.
So basically you get abused and have to say thank you and be grateful 😦
Yes, as mirrored by our legal system in plentiful abundance. It seems we are yet not ready for even the most basic levels of respect and decency.
We have made the world so much so about function that we apply concepts and ideas from the outside onto us and meanwhile forget and ignore the deep well of wisdom and knowingness from within where we simply know the truth of things.
I have fallen into this trap of wanting my children to be grateful for the opportunities they have and to appreciate who we have in our lives. I could see for many years that this was an imposition by their reactions to me whenever I did it, yet I still felt it was important to make the point! There was a clear implication that they didn’t appreciate and that they weren’t grateful, which also exposed that I had a picture of what it should look like!! Yet if we live that appreciation in our movements then perhaps there is a natural appreciation that comes from that way of living that is not going to fit a picture but would not hold anyone or anything less than equal.
Appreciation is in how we move and not in what we say so much; only movement is infectious, should we seek such a response, i.e. have a picture of how it should be. Any expectation or demand denotes a dissatisfaction with how things are, possibly frustration and even resentment.
My experience of kids is that its not what we say that influences them, its what we do. They are soaking that up in every moment, every interaction…. so if we genuinely appreciate our lives, the people in them, our kids etc then its only natural that they will feel the health in that and do it for themselves as well.
Reflection coupled with consistency speak louder than a thousand words.
Well said Lucy and your experience is certainly one I too can relate to – but now that I can feel in more depth how imposing it actually is, I am really more acutely aware of when I can fall into the trap of wanting my son to be grateful – it actually feels super arrogant and certainly does not treat the other as an equal. This is not something I would want to continue doing and so it is time to change my movements to bringing appreciation to the fore.
This is a wonderful article goes to the heart of so much dysfunction in our so-called civilised society… With true appreciation everything will turn around.
True and heart-felt appreciation turns everything around from the inside out, with utter simplicity and ease – no protest marches needed.
Appreciation comes with a sense of freedom and expansion whereas gratitude comes loaded with guilt and reductionism. I also remember feeling guilty because I felt ungrateful for what my parents had given me.
Gratitude and the expectation that it should be forthcoming set up a strange emotional bind and reductionism or contraction are indeed apt descriptions of this unhealthy state of being.
Grateful feels like I am somewhat undeserving, like I have to make myself smaller in order to know the value of what I am given, and that I owe myself to it.
We are beholden to something outside of us as well as being disempowered when being grateful is asked of us.
If we just feel in to the word gratitude, it feels heavy coming with an emotion while the world appreciation comes with a lightness and a sparkling. It says it all.
Appreciation is not just being grateful for something you have received, there is something deeper about this word. Do we truly acknowledge the impact a behaviour, a tendency or a quality we have has? Do we understand how this trait of ours can actually be used in the world to reflect truth? If we do, if we connect to the power of our essence, perhaps then we can truly say we appreciate what we bring and have on offer.
Appreciation has depth and comes from within and of one’s own volition whereas gratitude can be shallow in comparison and is oftentimes expected if not demanded from another/others. Gratitude can be expansive and genuine if appreciation is its founding quality.
Wow what a great way to explain the difference. I hadn’t really thought about the possibility of appreciation being the founding quality of gratitude and what impact that may have. Thank you Gabriele.
‘Is it possible that appreciation is part of basic self-care, supports our vitality, is joyful and does not need to put one person down at the expense of another/others?’ True Gabrielle, apprecation is felt in the body and develops into a new standard, it confirms where we are at with ourselves and to develop further. This indeed is a very joyful way of living.
I love that – appreciation as an expression and movement of basic self-care; it makes sense, not only on a personal level but also for society at large and the way we regard and treat each other.
I agree, it is a standard we set that we then live for ourselves and for others equally.
In a world geared towards function and being ignorant of energetic quality, it is no surprise that two words which denote two starkly different energetic qualities have been bastardised as being seen to mean the same.
Grateful feels like something we are expected to do to make others feel good. Appreciation is just a feeling that shines from within us, like the rays of the sun warming us from the inside out.
True Fiona. We can also use gratitude to make ourselves feel good. Something also I am feeling is that with the expectation comes the imposition of pulling whatever we are truly feeling.
In other words, appreciation is effortless and allows the expansion of both!
Appreciation feels complete, whereas gratitude leaves you feeling like you owe someone something.
Gratitude is disempowering and leaves us feeling like we are beholden to something or someone, ‘Being grateful felt like a yoke and imposition, something that was wielded against and over me to put me in my place lest I forget my inferior position in the overall scheme of things.’
How much can come with a word. It is like a a little bomb that explodes from our mouth. We can be so careless in our expression and communication that we can be releasing harmful time bombs or we can deliver love bombs. How we are with ourselves determines the quality of our expression. How we treat others is, on some level, how we treat ourselves.
In my experience it is not just ‘on some level’ that we treat others like we treat ourselves but that it is an exact carbon copy, an identical twin. We might not like to admit or acknowledge it as such, but that doesn’t change the fact. If I hurt another, I hurt myself first and keep that same energy forever circulating until I change what I align to.
You can be asked to be grateful or appreciative. Or you can be grateful or appreciative by your own accord. When you are asked to be by someone else, you are asked to move in a way that is not part of your movements. It is an imposition. When it comes from you, you move (with) it, naturally so.
When we move to please others, we contract and make ourselves into something that is not who we are in order to be recognised, even applauded.
True
The words appreciation has a totally different feel to it than we word gratitude. That says it all.
Just lately there have been little incidences within the home that have stood out with the actions of my family and what occurred to us in these moments; there had been a lack of appreciation, either for the home or what others do for us. As an example, some drawers were tidied up, but very quickly things were put in the wrong place and what transpired was the fact that there was lack of appreciation. Once this came to our notice, there has been a transformation of how the drawers are stocked and cared for. Now other areas within the house have been highlighted as needing the same care.
Without appreciation we lack the foundation for moving forward and it is then very easy to relapse and go into free fall.
I was intrigued by the title of this article. When I consider the difference, it feels like gratitude is directed at another person or thing and holds the ‘gratidudee’ as less than the other ie. without you I wouldn’t have…Whereas appreciation is more like a feeling or quality for me. It doesn’t belong to anyone and can be used anywhere, anytime.
Appreciation can’t be used as a pawn, as something another can hold over us; appreciation is very personal and goes from within out, not the other way around.
Appreciation feels much more expansive and embracing of everyone, whereas gratitude feels like it is about ‘self’ and is imposing and needy. Great call Gabriele to make the distinction between the two, as they are vastly different.
After reading this I can understand how the two words can easily be mixed up. As I pondered on the word gratitude it kind of felt I owed something for their success or existence.
Whilst appreciation is more personal to the person and can be felt in observing the smallest thing in its grandness. And yes I can feel the expansion of this word – it is beautiful.
Gratitude is like a servitude of some kind, it makes us be beholden to another or to circumstances and played into the hands of notions such as fate, chance and powerlessness.
We do not appreciate nearly enough the details of our day to day life and the people in it that build us up and teach us what we need to learn.
Yes there is a feeling of stickiness, a feeling that there is a superior and inferiority aspect in the word grateful. Appreciation allows space and is well worth adding to the daily routine so it takes front and centre attention in our lives.
I love appreciation. Its something I did not have much of a relationship with when younger and that cuts one off from the world in some way. It makes the experience of being here narrow and we miss out on the richness of our being ness. By that I mean it is so simple to appreciate, it costs nothing, is limitless and is a great source of wealth to share. It can be of the tiniest things that might go past unnoticed. It can be with anyone, including ourselves (and perhaps most importantly to start with ourselves).
Great call out Gabriele. The word gratitude has feeling quilty in it. Like you should feel that and because you do not feel that you are wrong and not thankfull anyway.
The word appriciation has an invitation in it to the bigger wiser you to acknowledge you and all.
Gratitude does imply trying to make someone beholden to us for oner reason or another; it feels like perpetrating a huge imposition and loading another up with strong suggestions of guilt and wrongdoing.
Thank you Gabriele. I grew up with the same sentiment that I had to be grateful for what I had and essentially conform to my parents and grandparent’s beliefs. Do as they say with my feelings not being honoured and met. Life was about blood family and not the bigger overarching love I had for all. I had the opportunity to express my feelings equally and bring me to everyone but whatever it was to keep the older ones ‘happy’ and not rock the boat that was the way it was I had to conform by being grateful.
Appreciation… We can let it shine through us, like the rays of the sun, and when we do that, it shines on everyone.
I feel we do not stop and truly feel words like you have asked us to do here. After all a word is just a word right!!! No! I was doing this the other day breaking down words young people use (especially boys towards girls) with a young women and feeling what did it mean and why do we allow certain words to have such power over us? All very fascinating. And sitting here first feeling the word ‘gratitude’ in my body and then ‘appreciation’ what I can feel is similar to what you have shared in that gratitude asks us to look outside of ourselves for something and even if it does not feel true for us we have to make it a truth! Whereas appreciation comes from within the body, there is no imposition … it just is. It comes from our truth, the truth within.
I remember grateful as a child also being used to toughen you up, like if you twisted your ankle and lay on the ground in agony you just had to be grateful you hadn’t broken your ankle instead of caring for the injury you had sustained.
That is absurd, it is cruel. It is abuse, no less.
Ouch – that approach sounds more damaging than the initial injury and totally misses the point of looking at how we were behaving to cause the injury in the first place.
Being grateful’ is in imposition to be a certain way, whereas appreciation is a responsibility to live.
Gratitude is making us be beholden to someone or something, to circumstances outside our control whereas appreciation enriches and contributes to all of us and the field we live within.
Yes… When we are told to be grateful… And the energy behind what we’re told is loaded with resentment, anger, even bitterness, we really need to feel what true appreciation is like and to reconfigure our awareness so that our children are not encumbered in the way that we were.
Great point in regards the responsibility we all have to not pass the unresolved issues we grew up with on to our children; there comes a point when we draw a line in the sand, forsake comfort and declare that enough is enough, no more lies and impositions.
The strain is only there when we limit ourselves and hold back our love.. Appreciation is instant and should be our foundation, this is a different depth than gratititude is offering us.
Appreciation is freely given and costs nothing. It is a currency like no other, and the rewards ripple out from you (rather than the focus on bringing it back to you) having an effect that we can never fully comprehend on the outside world (much like your Grandfathers comment about the board game). We could always appreciate more….. and more…… and more!
A prime example of compounding interest is appreciation; the more there is to go around, the more there is and then … there is more and even more and then some.
Appreciation is foundational for our evolution. For appreciation is a confirmation of love in activity through our movements, as such encompasses the truth of one and all, allowing us to deepen our awareness as to what is of this truth and what is not, in order for us to live more freely all that we are.
“Appreciation as the confirmation of love in activity through movement” is divine expression = the confirmation of love in the activity of expressing appreciation.
Being told to be ‘grateful’ for something, as another does not have it, goes nowhere towards addressing the said issue, as there is always someone seemingly ‘worse off’, or ‘better off’ than you. And we buy into the current temporal ideal of what is ‘good’ or ‘bad’.
It’s definitely a common thing amongst families to be told to be grateful for something because others didn’t have it. Maybe it is a previous war it’s relating to, or that children in other countries don’t have enough food, so “be grateful for what you have and eat everything on your plate”. These kinds of statements seem to sweep through generations and become quite commonplace without anyone questioning them.
Being told to be grateful does seem to sweep through families, great to call out how yuk it feels, ‘Reading the first paragraph about being grateful again, do you also get this sense of how sticky, servile and guilt-ridden this much-touted virtue of being grateful is?’
It is a horrible feeling when pressurised to express gratitude because of another’s needs. What is worse is the picture that is set up to make us feel guilty and the bullying that can come because of a group alignment to that picture. Yet we know truth, it doesn’t go away and the more I allow myself to accept truth in my life as a loving movement towards myself the more I can hold steady and not fall into a way of being that is not who I am and this includes being grateful. It is also worth mentioning that when I do feel imposed upon to be grateful it doesn’t come with a reaction and a hardening of my body… to read the situation and the bigger picture accepting what is on offer to evolve are key.
The impact of appreciation is super powerful and absolutely necessary for us to grow.
‘Can you feel and do you know from your own experience that appreciation is felt in your body and can’t help but express and share itself around?’
I feel the whole intention of the word gratitude is to change our movements, from true movements in rhythm with our bodies to movements that are out of sync and don’t expand us.
Appreciation was never mentioned to me as a child, yet gratitude was emphasised – “you should be grateful for….xyz.” Even recently at a dinner I expressed appreciation and invited others, including children, to take part, but the host turned it into a gratitude event. Interesting…..
Now that is interesting; it would have been fascinating to observe how people’s posture and general demeanour changed over the course of this gratitude event.
Yes, I wonder if it would have been clocked by anyone else?
Blimey, I was taught gratitude was an all important virtue one ought to live by meanwhile appreciation was held with far less importance almost at the bottom of the pile of ways to live. It is deeply worrying how we are being educated with the opposite of the true and healthy way to live life.
I have been connecting with my inner quality as I am moving in my day, and appreciating this as I move, I love the feel of appreciation and how it brings so much.
Thanks for pointing this out Gabriele, We have to watch out which word we use. Indeed gratitude feels sticky and appreciation feels expansive and light.
Appreciation is a way; it is a movement. Being grateful is not a way but a moment where you pay tribute to someone else you owe something to.
I have been working on deepening my appreciation for some time now, it always has a gorgeous and at times joyful feel to it, especially when shared with another, ‘Can you feel and do you know from your own experience that appreciation is felt in your body and can’t help but express and share itself around?’
Reading this it feels like gratitude came as one big guilt trip and feels as though it only serves to keep people as less. My parents experienced the blitz and were poor growing up and from time to time stories would come up about how hard it was for them growing up under those conditions. Thankfully they did not hold this over us.
I am sure most of the planet can relate to your blog Nicole, how many of us have found ourselves completely wound up trying to do many things at once and fighting the clock. It has become societies norm to rush anxiously around wanting to fit more and more in.
What of cause we are missing out here when we are like this is the quality, when we rush we miss out on true quality and without quality and presence we have to ask ourselves is it worth it even if I do get all boxes ticked.
There is such a difference between being grateful and truly appreciating another. I know for me when someone appreciates me for being me I feel it in my whole body as opposed to it purely being a mental exercise. I find that when gratitude is expressed it comes with a need usually for approval or a wanting of something from the other.
I agree James, I have found appreciation is a whole body experience and gratitude seems to be a purely mental one.
It is amazing how confirming and freeing it feels to be truly appreciated for being me. I know it takes away all the incessant trying and need or want for any recognition knowing that I am already more than enough.
I just did a little googling on gratitude and found a short video. Its seems to be promoted very strongly in the positive psychology arena’s. What I noticed from the video is that gratitude and how its referred to is a seeking outside of oneself, being grateful for what is around us , events, people etc. A lot of what is presented on the outside looks very positive. But there is a realness missing. It feels like a great partner for the word ‘hope’. They are both words that sound like they are offering us something more, but are they really?
Very interesting, this comparison between gratitude and hope. Both look to the outside to bring us something and perpetuate the myth of randomness, chance, fate and a general disempowerment.
That is really interesting Jennifer about gratitude focusing on what is outside of us. I find that appreciation is to do with the qualities of my being and what I bring to the world and how others respond to that, and appreciation is something I feel inside myself with my whole body. Even if I appreciate a sunset and it’s beauty, or another person, I still feel the appreciation as a beautiful quality within me. It seems that gratitude is is for things and events outside of ourselves and is often felt in comparison to what another didn’t have, and it also does not acknowledge the being in any way. Based on that it’s possible that gratitude, as described above in the positive psychology arena, is used when people are disconnected to themselves and experiencing an emptiness and to try to fill it with a ‘positive’ take on their outer life. But the reality is until the inner emptiness is truly addressed by people reconnecting to their essence gratitude is just another band aid for their ongoing misery, and quite frankly it feels like another tool that is based on a consciousness that sees human beings in a very reduced view and excludes their being. It’s another ‘doing’ activity instead of enjoying the being we are.
I love the distinction raised here with appreciation and gratefulness. The former is simple and there is no ask, no expectation, it’s just a way of deeply seeing is there and honouring that. The later is a demand, and the word duty comes in, there is an expectation of pay-back in some form or other, even if just slightly and often it is something that is done by us or another to be recognised or needed. It’s not about offering something or just being used just because. Appreciation is expansive and all feel included, gratefulness is about measuring and payback and becomes about an individual or a group not everyone.
Gratitude is certainly narrow, tunnel-like even while appreciation encompasses the much bigger picture. And, as we know, the bigger picture is bigger than big, it is vast and then some.
Appreciation is an expansion and a confirmation all rolled into one movement. Showing us that through an appreciation we are not only valuing who we are in essence but all others also which then highlights the power of brotherhood within it also.
Love this blog. As a child I was often admonished for being ungrateful and it felt awful. We all get exactly what we need in order to evolve. Our choices are reflected back to us in every interaction and every moment. We need to appreciate it when we’ve chosen or recognise the truth and observe what happens when we or others do not, without judgement.
That seems to be a common theme, demanding gratitude from a child, the thin veil over a jealousy of their lightness and joy.
Gratitude is forced to please the outer world, appreciation is inspired from within ourselves.
It feels like the self in gratitude comes from either its provider, the need to be seen in a certain (grateful) frame of mind and/or the one who requested the gratitude for their own self-gratification. Appreciation on the other hand enriches us all and feeds back into the all.
I have never stopped to feel the difference between those two words. What I feel now is that with the word gratitude, there is a movement to the outside in which somehow I give my power away. Whereas with appreciation word, the movement goes in the opposite direction. It goes towards me and expands through me, as it is the expression of something that is confirmed and celebrated within me.
Thanks Gabriele for this opportunity of going deeper with the understanding of words and its impact in our life.
Very true – appreciation has a feedback loop that gives back, nourishes and replenishes wheres gratitude has a dragging and draining kind of quality,
There is a natural enjoyment with appreciation. No matter what it is that we are doing its enjoyable because we are doing it and moving in a way that remains connected, delicate and sensitive. There is a sense too that their is more within, more to feel. Gratitude feels like being put into a box, its set and bound by walls, that you can’t move beyond.
I was pondering on the word grateful lately and feeling that it was something demanded of me, not my own expression, it was as if I was unworthy of what was being given and therefore has to be grateful. Where as appreciation carries with it no imposition or demands just a sharing of the joy that is felt in that moment.
Yes, grateful and gratitude definitely feel uncomfortable and imposing, they grate.
I used to feel guilty about not feeling grateful for things, feeling bad about being ‘ungrateful’ for things that had been given to me but I’d often not asked for or wanted in the first place. The word grateful feels like a state of being subservient, while the word appreciation has a totally different sentiment and quality: a grandness that incorporates an understanding and an enjoyment of something or someone.
That is exactly the point – demanding gratitude leaves the recipient either diminished and belittled or feeling guilty because they cannot possibly comply or understand what they are supposed to be grateful for.
The childhood sensor we have of what is not right is very well attuned. If only we were confirmed in this as kids so we would not give it up as an unwelcome nuisance. Even though it may be ‘right’ what the adult is saying, if it comes laden with judgment, resentment etc. it is not true to the child (or anyone else!)
Very true Gabrielle, for without discerning there is no observation, no space and hence we wield in the pravailing winds than our own breath. A beautiful reminder of how important appreciation is. To take it forth now.
In this article I have been able to gain a deeper insight to the behavior of many, myself included. For years the ‘be grateful for what you have got’ belief held me and kept me in a space that allowed only a depression. Seemingly life was amazing and I should be grateful, but it lacked my presence, my spark and any allowance of my sense of true self to be a who I was. To be grateful for a life with out our essence is a trap of the deepest proportions.
So true Leigh, you have explained exactly why gratitude is so disabling.
Beautifully said Leigh. The bastardisation of gratitude is very harmful. True appreciation and gratitude are given freely and there can be no imposition to ‘have them’.