Breakdown or Breakthrough?

In a world obsessed with the pursuit of happiness – an ever-elusive destination we live in a constant search of, but never seem to arrive at – having feelings that your life is moving in the opposite direction can be a very scary prospect. But is there something very necessary, honest and real about going through an apparent breakdown that could actually be an opportunity for a breakthrough?

Learning to cope, to be resilient and ‘keep it all together,’ are skills we’re taught to develop as children, with boys in particular feeling the pressure to ‘toughen up’ and ‘soldier on.’ Whilst these can appear like they’re serving us in the world and bringing the acceptance we’re desperately seeking, could this lack of expression actually be holding us in a prison of suffering, when being vulnerable could be the key to emotional freedom?

As everything is energy in this world, our emotions – much like electricity – are also pure energy, just differing qualities of it. We tend to think we can just brush them aside and move on, but these feelings like frustration, anger, grief and sadness have to go somewhere, and that somewhere is in the deeper layers of our body where they are held until such point that the tension becomes too great. Enter illness and disease – the Soul’s way of clearing out our unresolved baggage.

We’re baffled by the sudden deaths of seemingly healthy, happy people dropping dead with strokes, heart attacks, aggressive cancers and the like, but could there be more than bad luck going on here? Based on the fact that “Everything is energy,” Serge Benhayon expanded on this with the understanding that “therefore, everything is because of energy” (Serge Benhayon, 1999), this means that everything in our lives is a result of choice, and the choice to not feel what’s really going on inside us makes us ill.

In light of this revelation, could our apparent breakdown actually be our body’s ultimate spring clean, shedding the layers of what doesn’t belong to make way for the new? Like the calm after the storm clouds have passed, there is a deep settlement in the body when someone allows themselves to feel and let go, like a sigh of relief – “finally I don’t have to carry this anymore!”

Like a dead weight around our ankles we drag our unresolved hurts into every situation, reacting not to what’s right in front of us but to everything that has been thus far – all the moments we’ve felt abused, abandoned, neglected, invisible and unsupported. What can appear like a cosmic dagger of attracting the same old situation time and time again is not a punishment from the universe but can be viewed as a helping hand to get us to look at what’s really going on so that we can resolve our hurts and make a different choice going forward – i.e. the opportunity for a breakthrough.

If we each committed to this process of reflection and healing and took responsibility for our reactions rather than looking to others, our lives and our relationships would transform in every way. As “Everything is energy, and therefore, everything is because of energy” (Serge Benhayon, 1999), there are no pockets that aren’t affected by the past hurts we carry. What can often seem daunting about this reality of energetic responsibility is actually the key to emotional freedom… or better said, freedom from our emotions.

These emotions can feel like they are part of who we are, like being an angry or sad person, when in fact they are just an energy held in our bodies, the apparent difference between people only being how deeply embedded they’ve become. The key to healing then is about giving ourselves and others full permission to feel and let go without the imposing beliefs of it not being ok to cry, or that we are too sensitive.

Looking at little boys and girls it is abundantly clear that we are each equally sensitive and fragile, regardless of our gender. The cultural bias towards it being more ok for women to express how they feel but not men, has unsurprisingly led to the ever-increasing gap in rates of depression and suicide, with an alarming 76% of the 3,027 deaths as a result of suicide in Australia in 2015 being men (1). This statistic alone is calling for a drastic change in the way we relate to ourselves and each other.

Rather than trying to ‘put a lid on it’ and keep things appearingly functional, we should be encouraging one another to speak up and let the tears flow. The letting go is the healing and a very necessary part of someone’s growth and development. Without full acknowledgement of how much we’ve been affected by our past hurts and traumas, we can never truly move forward and embrace new experiences and relationships. The breaking down of our layers of protection is the key to letting people in and living a more love-filled life.

By Alison Coleman

References:

  1. Australian Bureau of Statistics (ABS) Catalogue 3303.0 Cause of Death Australia, 2015

Related Reading:
The Importance of Expressing Truth
Sensitive – We All Are It
Real Men Don’t Cry

594 thoughts on “Breakdown or Breakthrough?

    1. Yes the protection, collected over a lifetime to keep us ‘safe’, which in reality keeps us disconnected from ourselves and everybody else.

      1. And the protection is hurting us more than we can imagine. It creates walls that we are seemingly oblivious to until they start to be taken down, brick by brick. Blinded by the wall, the love and warmth that has always been there can, at last, be embraced.

  1. I am amazed at how willing the body is to start afresh after a breakdown, there is not even a whiff of resentment for the way it has been treated to get to a breakdown in the first place. If however we let the mind rule, we are easily taken into overwhelm and complaints about the situation we find ourselves in.

  2. Most of us focus on controlling life and keeping everything according to an image we have subscribed too. I know this pattern well. This lack of going with the flow, means any natural unfolding not initiated consciously by us will be experienced as a ‘breakdown’.

  3. “The letting go is the healing and a very necessary part of someone’s growth and development.” . . . this is so spot on Alison and well worth noting as many are under the impression that they just need to be doing more to grow and develop when all the time we just need to be letting go of what is not truly us.

  4. The play we live for so long in which we think we need to protect ourselves with tension in the body which just created that evil Can enter our body. IT is love so much there available to align with And express through our body which Will keep us in the beauty we are coming from.

  5. What I have learned about healing is that it is about letting go of everything that is not true in order to reveal the true essence underneath. It is not about attaining anything or striving to get anywhere. Sometimes it needs a break down for things to melt away. Pushing through simply creates more of a barrier to our natural selves.

  6. What a fantastic opportunity the way the body is communicating to us if there is a very loud stop with an ill-ness or die-ease. At first we can be surprised by it but really are we truly surprise because we all know that the way we are choosing to live is not who we truly are. I have spent my whole life trying to ignore this fact but ultimately I have known that the pure divine baby when I was born, I stopped shining because no one else around me was and it made others feel uncomfortable. I say no more to this and take the responsibility to be All of Who I AM no matter what.

  7. And sometimes, when we develop a deeper awareness, it can feel suddenly like everything got more intense or worse or is falling apart, when really it has possibly actually been that intense all along but we just didnt see it fully and now we are, which means we are also ready to deal with it.

  8. Breakdowns offer an opportunity to reflect on the deeper meaning and move forward with renewed commitment and dedication.

  9. A great celebration it is to rid ourselves once and for all of all that is not true and to rebuild our lives in the truth of who we naturally are.

  10. As we grow up we are taught that to be resilient is a positive and great quality, but in truth it has an enormous negative impact on the body which eventually shows up in a physical way.

  11. So often we tend to ignore the natural flow and rhythm of life, instead we put our images and expectations as a measure of what is okay and what is not. We thus judge the unfolding that takes place before us and put our effort on imposing our expectations onto life. But if we were truly flowing and evolving with what life has to offer, we would not be segmenting life into such little pockets and would not be judging them as ‘good’ or ‘bad’, instead it would be one life constantly offering learning and expansion..

  12. Alison! Where have you been hiding when you write like this??? I love this blog… love what you share.
    The breakdown, the stop, even the cancer is a gift… giving us and those around us to look at everything once again… what we do with it, is up to us.

  13. We see a breakdown as a bad thing and make judgements and give our opinions if it happens to someone close or that we know. In doing this we impose and add to the emotional turmoil the person is obviously in. But if we saw it for the gift that it can be, and hold steady not putting in our 2c worth, that respectful support could really help them to start to see the truth through it all.

  14. I recently come face to face with a situation that was like it had been written just to press all of my buttons – if it hadn’t felt so intense in the moment I probably would have laughed at just how it was playing out so perfectly to all my weaknesses – and yet, unlike in the past, I was not blind to the possibility that it wasn’t the world conspiring against me, and it wasn’t a drama to get into – there was reaction, and there was hurt but these things where felt and moved on from and what I got to see in amongst an otherwise really not nice situation, was a massive opportunity to grow as a person.

  15. ‘The breaking down of our layers of protection is the key to letting people in and living a more love-filled life.’ How true this is, and how often we build layers of fat in our body to cushion ourselves from the world that we are deeming too hard to handle.

  16. ‘The breaking down of our layers of protection is the key to letting people in and living a more love-filled life.’ So true Alison, a beautiful angle on how ‘breaking down’ is the opportunity to let go of all the things that we are not. ‘No more’ says the body, and we can listen to it’s infinite wisdom.

  17. Like a dead weight around our ankles we drag our unresolved hurts into every situation, reacting not to what’s right in front of us but to everything that has been thus far – all the moments we’ve felt abused, abandoned, neglected, invisible and unsupported. – And when we carry all of this with us, we lace each new moment with all of the past and often miss the beautiful opportunity that is before us.

    1. True, the past can keep us caught in a misery that prevents us from moving forward in a natural flow, open to the evolution that is always on offer.

      1. But it is only us that actually chooses to stay in the past, to allow ourselves to be caught in it for any reason.

  18. The other day someone I know was going through a hard time – they were sad and felt their whole life was in a big mess. I could feel in that moment there was a huge pull to comfort them with reassuring phrases, to ‘make it better’ and somehow go away. I resisted this and just cuddled them a bit but felt somehow inept as if there was something I had missed. It’s great to read your words today Alison and know in those moments where things fall apart it’s a beautiful opportunity for us to look at the truth. It’s so clear to me now that no one else can heal you – it’s up to us to want to change and the breakdown situation you mention is how it happens in life. So bring it on I say.

    1. It is such an interesting position to be in and one we are in so often in life. Supporting others is where we show love but love doesn’t sympathise it walks beside so what does that look like? I have found the moment I feel sorry for someone I give them the impression they are not equipped to deal with what is in front of them at which point they feel a confirmation of what they are feeling – that they are indeed NOT equipped to cope. Yet we know that we are never given more than we are ready for, therefore my job is to walk beside them supporting them to see they have the inner resources to know how to address what is before them and how to access support services if needed. That builds a lived experience in their body of how they got to where they got to and how to move through it with grace and love rather than the drama of the push-pull highs and lows.

  19. It can feel vulnerable when we are in the cross roads to another level and we want to protect ourselves and there is resistance to surrendering. The body wants to remain in tension but it is letting go, to allow the body to guide us that would feel true.

  20. I have found that what ever the hurt is, however deep or painful it is, it is momentary to feel it and let it go as apposed to carrying it around weighted holding me in a place that is not natural to be in influencing how I am in life and with everyone.

    1. I feel your comment is powerful. I avoided feeling my hurts for a long time as I once had depression when I was younger and I was terrified if I started feeling it meant going back to the void. Yet as you say to truly feel something takes but a moment. In that MOMENT we can feel complete devastation but this is then followed by the tangible feeling of space and freedom in our body. So I can say it is well worth going there and feeling anything that is there to be felt.

  21. Bit like compost, compost breaks down and the richness of the nutrients that develop during the breaking down period (which is necessary) provide the foundation for new growth, new life.

  22. Life is a cycle and there are cycles within cycles, activity and rest, focussing and initiating, surrendering and deepening, each must be honoured and not avoided for there to be true flow and alignment with everything, not least ourselves.

  23. Breakdown or breakthrough is a great question. When is something a disaster and when is it an opportunity? Is it all to do with our choices and how we perceive a situation? From experience I have found there to be an opportunity in most things that come my way – if I am willing to see it. This is not just positive thinking but more an appreciation of what is truly happening, the letting go of the old and embracing of the future, allowing space for greater evolution. Well worth considering in my view.

  24. With our many layers of protection we can be hard nuts to crack. A vulnerable moment in our lives can be just the thing we need l to remove the tough outer shell and reveal the sweetness inside.

  25. “The letting go is the healing and a very necessary part of someone’s growth and development.” how very true Alison even though at the time it may not feel so it is like a heavy weight being lifted from us and more importantly it lets us feel more of who we truly are and not be stuck in what we have taken on when we haven’t dealt with our unresolved hurts from the past. “The breaking down of our layers of protection is the key to letting people in and living a more love-filled life.” And as love is our essence, then this is our natural way of being with each other.

  26. Sometimes it requires a breakdown before any breakthrough can be made as the resistance, ie the energy we are held by, is too strong to give in to truth.

  27. Indeed Alison we are eternally given opportunities to deal with our patterns and hurts in order to live in a such a way that reflects our true essence and being.

  28. I agree both genders are equally sensitive and aware, we put pictures on them of what they are ‘supposed’ to be but when free to choose they stay with that sensitivity and don’t discount it, this can only support them in their adult wellbeing.

    1. Well said Samantha, and may I add if we shore up the youth and preserve what they bring with loving support we all gain immense wisdom, as our youth explore being true we all evolve. Also then to not dictate to children, because of our modern day theories, which leads our generation to think it knows better or more and all we have to do is look closely to each generation who thinks they are getting it right but as Alison has shared “statistic alone is calling for a drastic change”.

  29. Observing how we make choices out of need, comfort, emotional reaction (and not founded on what is true) time and time again, it makes sense that this gathered momentum will eventually have to crack if we don’t share and explore what is going on.

  30. Yes the layers of protection we build around our hurts serve no purpose other than to keep us in misery in the end. Absolutely it is about giving ourselves permission to be the naturally sensitive and fragile people we are.

  31. This is such a great blog Alison, and may I add to all that you have shared, if we “each committed to this process of reflection and healing and took responsibility for our reactions rather than looking to others, our lives and our relationships would transform in every way.”
    As we learn to heal many issues come up and what you have contributed when you have shared is spot on. “ The breaking down of our layers of protection is the key to letting people in and living a more love-filled life.”
    Then providing the space for a person to release there own shakes is an art form or science, as we have never walked in another shoes and they have to undo there own footsteps as they heal themselves. That said with the help of an Esoteric practitioner “the freedom from our emotions” can be expedited as the science of true healing opens a client to be honest with what has happened in there life so true healing can begin.

  32. If we were not challenged in our patterns we wouldn´t feel the need to change them or even get aware of them. Comfort needs to be jolted before we realise how uncomfortable it actually is when love and truth are taken into account.

  33. There is much to be said about what true health is, and how that can be a norm for each of us, but fundamentally a relationship within that is tender and loving is a great start.

  34. This is something I am noticing, “The breaking down of our layers of protection is the key to letting people in and living a more love-filled life.” that when there is another layer to deepen with intimacy with myself or others I have brought in hurts and old patterns to put a cork in it instead of simply surrendering to what is next and being okay with what comes up.

  35. “These emotions can feel like they are part of who we are, like being an angry or sad person, when in fact they are just an energy held in our bodies, the apparent difference between people only being how deeply embedded they’ve become. ” It is interesting how we define ourselves by the emotions we are feeling which are really attached to our past hurts but are not truly who we are, but is an energy held in our bodies, to realise this is what is really happening is so freeing and healing.

  36. This is a great article Alison. “The letting go is the healing and a very necessary part of someone’s growth and development” . . . this is very important to note as so many times we get caught in the thinking that we have to accumulate or add to ourselves in order to evolve when all we really have to do is let go of all that is not truly us.

  37. In the last times I’ve observed a common trend of ‘putting a smile on’ when the things go ‘wrong’. I feel this is very harming indeed, as it creates the illusion of an imagined and self-imposed happiness tha is not real at all, but instead is clearly hiding the real cause of sadness, anger, frustration… which in the end would be the bridge to really understand and face what is happening in our life.

  38. This is a great blog Alison. “. . .the choice to not feel what’s really going on inside us makes us ill.” . . this is profound as what it means is that we literally make ourselves sick! This bring us back to self responsibility. We then realise that we can no longer override what our body is communicating in favour of an ideal of how we should be; or a belief that we should be doing something else.

  39. I didn’t realise just how difficult I found it to let people in. I thought I loved people and having a lot of friends meant that I clearly was open to them. And I am open to them, but really letting people in is something I avoid. And, it definitely feels like it’s come from past experiences of being let down. hurt etc. It’s not a conscious choice to keep them out, but it’s like a default setting I’ve developed over time, that needs re-training.

  40. “..could our apparent breakdown actually be our body’s ultimate spring clean, shedding the layers of what doesn’t belong to make way for the new?…” This is a great way to look at and approach a breakdown. It offers space between the person and the complication (issue) that then offers a de-personalised assessment of the situation and its causative agents – much like being the bystander observer of an road accident.

  41. I can so relate to what you share here Alison, we are raised and trained to compete, to push ahead and pursue ‘the good life’. Yet in my experience and observation when ‘terrible’ things happen to friends of mine they are asked to go deeper, be stronger and know who they are more than ever before. So whilst we might not like these tough events, without doubt they can raise us up if only we see the beautiful opportunity they are offering up.

  42. It is powerful when we can go through difficulties is in life being able to see through the opportunities that they present for there is never a dull moment when we say yes to evolution, and the worst break-downs are in truth breakthroughs to more love and understanding for our self and others alike.

  43. There is so much more to us than just being functional – sure functionality is something we need but if we make that the primary focus without embracing equally our sensitivity to the way or quality in which we live life and relate with one another then we suppressing a huge and essential part of who we are and that surely must lead to dis-ease.

  44. “could our apparent breakdown actually be our body’s ultimate spring clean, shedding the layers of what doesn’t belong to make way for the new?” I would say a big yes Alison, I can feel so much potential in me when I finally stop fighting myself. It is not a giving up, I have felt that when I have given in to the pressure to conform as a teenager, it is more a realisation that something very deep in my approach to myself and life has to change. It is a coming home and a fresh opportunity to re-imprint.

  45. ‘could our apparent breakdown actually be our body’s ultimate spring clean, shedding the layers of what doesn’t belong to make way for the new? ‘ So true Alison , making way for the new.

  46. ‘Rather than trying to ‘put a lid on it’ and keep things appearingly functional, we should be encouraging one another to speak up and let the tears flow.’
    Something so natural is not normal for so many of us. I spoke recently with a young man who is under a lot of tension about passing his final exam this year, with doubts about his own capacities. All he wanted to do was cry and talk about all his uncertainties and yet it took him the safety that no-one of his family was hearing this before he could cry. And he felt a lot less heavy afterwards and decided to share at least with his dad how he actually felt to deepen their connection.

  47. ‘Could lack of expression actually be holding us in a prison of suffering, when being vulnerable could be the key to emotional freedom?’
    Expression, transparency and sharing how I feel are essential ingredients for any relationship we have and allow for space in the body.

  48. As we clear the layers we begin to feel just how delicate, yet powerful we are and how hard, rigid and tight we have held our body, thinking we have to protect this beauty inside. Yet the more we let go of the more we feel that it doesn’t need protecting, we can hold our own in any situation. The learning is to surrender and allow ourselves to be, the body literally comes alive when we do.

    1. I’d agree with this and say that as a kid no one had our backs. As an adult now I’ve learnt to have my own back in a way. When something does come up to rattle me my sensitivity is actually my greatest protection without needing to be hard.

  49. My body has brought me to a stop and is clearing layers at present, at times I have been feeling very vulnerable, but know it is time to discard the protection.

  50. For so much of my life I have tried to show everyone I have been doing well and ok. Yet underneath it all I have been struggling. I find it hard when you are down and someone asks hey how are you? yet they really do not care. So I started to keep things to myself and not let them out the problem is just like a garbage truck eventually it will fill up and it has to go somewhere – for me this has usually been an explosion and has hurt the people closest to me. And this is all because I held onto things to keep a picture of how I was rather than allowing myself to be the raw, vulnerable and deeply sensitive man that I am – crazy really.

    1. I agree when we see something we can either act on it or keep doing the same thing and slowly but surely the end result will magnify into something we can no longer ignore which is when the so called break down occurs but as you say what if we changed our movements well before the breakdown event was anywhere near then we woud not come close to it.

  51. Recently I saw a client in her 20’s who felt depressed and miserable but did not understand why, for she had everything she was led to believe would bring her happiness. The right job, partner, friends etc. There is a whole generation that is experiencing this being brought up with pictures and stories by no connection to themselves or the people around them. It is at this point, where they realise something is terribly missing that they have the opportunity to turn their focus from outside back to within where there is no happiness but love, light and harmony.

  52. A breakdown is the first step to a breakthrough because before it there is nothing to stop us in our tracks and we will keep on going no matter what. The breakdown brings a whole new perspective that offers us the chance to change direction.

  53. Although not a breakdown my body has been releasing a lot lately, the shackled weighted beliefs and built in protection I have been carrying around with me have been melting away, and I can absolutely feel the joy and lightness in my body that I no longer have to carry this around, and more of a settlement in just being me.

  54. There is a lot of self gratification in saying yes I have come through this hardship etc.. but what if we were the one who created the whole mess in the 1st place so then can easily come out of it but chose the struggle instead? It may sound crazy but I know atleast in my experience this has always been the case and by carrying on this way has hurt a lot of people in the process. But the moment we truly want to take full responsibility what was can almost instantly be gone allowing for what is to come. So we do not have to stay in the sturggle rather chose to see what led to it, change our movements so they do not reporduce the same and thus take responsibility for living the love that we are.

    1. it’s too simple for the mind to comprehend, but, yes, changing our movements means that we don’t reproduce the energy that is held in the body and doesn’t belong there, and we can switch the focus back to being love.

      1. It makes logical sense but I still at times want to figure it out. The more I let that notion of ownership and wanting to conquer the issue go the more I allow myself to simply be the love that I am and let love guide me knowing that so long as I take care of the quality I am living with everything else will be taken care of regardless of what it looks like.

  55. While I have experienced the healing that comes with fragility and vulnerability there’s something that gets in the way – believing that I am above hurts. I’ve nominated loads of hurts, healed loads, cried tons I should be over all that by now! Nope. Hurts aren’t stuff that happens only in childhood, and it feels like recently I am learning that addressing what hurts is going to be life long. I can’t avoid hurt-full moments in this current human life but I don’t have to let them linger.

  56. A breakdown is a great opportunity to look at what has been building up, not been addressed, and start fresh letting go of old hurts, beliefs and patterns of behaviour that do not support us or belong to who we truly are, allowing a deeper understanding and awareness of ourselves.

  57. The moment we hold someone in a box of judgement when we do not like their choice of behaviour, seeing them as that as opposed to the grandness they innately are, we have introduced a barrier and protection to letting them in in full.

  58. Our apparent breakdown could be our body discarding what is not needed, getting rid of the old to make way for the new, ‘everything in our lives is a result of choice, and the choice to not feel what’s really going on inside us makes us ill.’

  59. I think we are slowly waking up to the fact we all need to express how we feel to be able to deal with so many things that don’t need to happen like the increasing suicide rates and the major rise in illness and disease since 1999.

  60. “… could our apparent breakdown actually be our body’s ultimate spring clean, shedding the layers of what doesn’t belong to make way for the new?” We always have a choice – to resume our old ways after an apparent breakdown – be it physical, mental or emotional – or to choose to live a new way. Our body always guides is – if we listen.

  61. In my experience happiness is not something that is sustainable or harmonious in the sense that it can be like a high and inevitably from that there will follow a dip, as opposed to the steadiness of what I would call joy – a settlement that isn’t about a stimulation but more a connection from inside. And so rather than the pursuit of ‘happiness’ what if we sought deeper within ourselves for the enrichment of a true connection with self that we can then joyfully share with all others.

  62. Unresolved hurts poison to us, as, while we hang on to them, our behaviour is always the result of them – and not who we truly are.

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