Here’s a sentence that you may have to read twice: “for most of my life I have been aware that when certain people have shared something good that has happened to them, I have felt disappointed – and when they have shared something bad that has happened to them, I have felt mildly elated.” My suggestion that you read this sentence twice is not because it’s a difficult sentence to understand, but more so because it’s difficult for most of us to admit.
I have had these feelings since the age of about 9 and can pinpoint the exact moment that my body first registered the physical stab in the gut that accompanies the jealousy that underpins these feelings. I was on holiday with the school and my classmates and I were walking down a country lane. My best friend and I had found out that we were both being considered for some kind of special acknowledgement – class captain or something similar – and when I looked up and saw my friend walking alongside our teacher I experienced a stabbing feeling in my gut accompanied by mild agitation. That stabbing sensation and accompanying agitation became so familiar to me that I simply incorporated them into my life; completely missing the point that it was my body’s way of drawing my attention to a choice that I was making that was neither loving nor harmonious… and I continued to miss the point for about the next 40 years!
Looking back, I have had a surprising level of awareness around these feelings of comparison and jealousy but my awareness was never enough to actually shift them. These feelings continued right up to my fiftieth birthday and if I’m totally honest, I still occasionally feel their murky hold.
Over the years my body has silently catalogued an inordinate amount of times that it has felt a very secretive part of itself skulking down behind its own eyes, holding its breath, whilst it waits to see if a friend is about to share something ‘good’ that was happening to them, or something ‘bad.’ If the friend shared something that wasn’t working in their life, then that hidden part of me would breathe a sigh of relief and launch itself into a charade of commiseration. However, if the news was jubilant then a crusty hardness would come over my body and my ‘congratulations’ would be pushed out from behind tight teeth.
What I knew about this behaviour was that these feelings usually arose with certain female friends and hardly ever with men: in fact, these feelings were always strongest with my closest female friends and my sister. Due to the fact that many of my competitive feelings seemed to be centred around women’s looks or their weight, I had always put them down to some kind of primal competitive behaviour, designed to ensure that women attracted the fittest mate.
By brushing off these feelings as ‘normal,’ I allowed them to play both a major and a crippling role in my life: they have interfered in my relationships, not only with others but also in my relationship with myself and interestingly, what I have now come to know is that it is from within my relationship with myself that these feelings were actually born.
As a direct result of my involvement with Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon’s revelatory presentations, I have come to realise that what I brushed off as ‘normal female jealousy’ was not – it was in fact self-fury. What I took to be competitiveness around ‘looks and weight’ was not, – it was self-fury centred purely around the potential evolutionary power that I could feel in another. And the reason why this evolutionary power that I could feel in another made me so furious was because I have subjugated myself since the age of about 8.
I took my naturally joyous expansiveness and crammed it into an old shoebox and stuffed it under the bed of life. This I did through my own free will – it was a choice that I made to be less. Then, when in the company of women, who even so much as hinted at being their naturally amazing selves, I went into an internal rage (commonly known as jealousy), knowing that I had chosen to energetically kneecap myself since childhood.
By allowing myself the space to understand why I would choose to live in such a diminished way, I have come to understand that I was intent on avoiding the vile jealousy (self-fury) of other girls who had already made the choice to dim their natural light.
There is one sentence that I have cowered from my whole life, lest it should be hissed at me from the shadows, and that sentence is; “who the %#@! does she think she is?”
Having made the choice to reduce myself down to the same washed out version of me that everybody else had also chosen for themselves, I then perpetuated the cycle of abuse by inflicting the same force (jealousy) on other girls and women who had not yet chosen to energetically opt out.
As women we can blame all manner of things for keeping us out of our power, but the biggest factor by far is jealousy from within our own ranks. It has taken me years to remove the layers of protection that I have built up since childhood and to return to the essence of the stunningly beautiful girl that I was at the age of 8. Looking back, I can see that I was an unadulterated slice of life, an absolutely pure reflection of divinity and now, as I return to that exact same divinity, I am consciously choosing to not cower in the face of jealousy but to stay steady and to shine my light.
By Alexis Stewart, Disability support worker, Yoga teacher, Mum to a stunning boy and Partner of a beautiful man, Sydney, Australia
Related Reading:
Comparison and Competition between Women
Jealousy: Foe or Friend?
The Beauty of Loving Women. Women Loving and Honouring Women is a Lost Art
Beautiful to read this and that you are now claiming it Alexis, ‘It has taken me years to remove the layers of protection that I have built up since childhood and to return to the essence of the stunningly beautiful girl that I was at the age of 8.’
How amazing will life be when we all celebrate and are joyful because of how awesome another is.
Thank you for putting the spotlight on this evil. The poison of which is so destructive to ourselves and others. I have to realise this to build the focus and clarity about wanting to have absolutely nothing to do with it anymore and therefore to be willing to see when it spikes its way into my life at any moment.
“I took my naturally joyous expansiveness and crammed it into an old shoebox and stuffed it under the bed of life. This I did through my own free will – it was a choice that I made to be less.” That’s a powerful realisation that we ourselves both have the power to separate or reconnect back to our essence. A great reminder for me today Alexis to practise this power. Even though we can hold understanding as to why we made the choice to separate from ourselves, that choice is still completely ours, as it is to come back to who we are.
For the ‘shoebox under the bed’ read ‘buried and shut down within us’. It is always still there, ready for re-ignition, and nothing can ever take it away.
Comparison is a complete copout, that like jealousy and exhilaration keep us from our Essences, Inner-most-hearts / Souls and it can also be said that any eagerness, exuberance, excitement or enthusiasm plays the same game at the other end of the scale. And as you have shared Alexis, returning to our natural Joy by realigning to our Souls is the greatest evolutionary step we could make.
See life through the other end of the scale did little for my evolution until the presentation of Serge Benhayon highlighted and then took the proverbial scalpel, which revealed how my overzealousness for life was as encumbering to our evolution as every lie that has been feed to us by our conniving spirit.
Why do we find it normal to have emotions that seperate us from each other from young. Raising children comes with the responsibility to clear out any jealousy, comparison or competition siblings may have towards each other in order to bring out their own qualities and understanding that we all bring a unique part of the whole and that we cannot do it on our own.
Sure but if we’re unaware of our own unique qualities then we’re not going to be able to teach a child to focus on theirs, we’re going to do what most parents do wihich is to encourage and reward competition.
True Alexis, to heal whatever is there and appreciate what we bring is always the first step before we can parent anyone.
True Annelies but we all try and parent before we’ve addressed the things within us that are painful and so without realising it we parent in a way that is wounded and so our parenting puts constraints on our kids rather than providing a platform from which they can truly fly.
Our lived wisdom speaks loader than words and set natural boundaries that shares the Livingness of who we are, and therefore the rewards from heaven are those that are needed for everyone’s evolution.
I really appreciate what you are sharing here Annelies that children have such unique qualities of their own that should be encouraged so that it weakens the strangle hold of comparison and jealousy so that it is completely killed off altogether . This would be a huge kick start for children to be sure of themselves so that when they enter education they are more equipped to deal with the onslaught of society that is in such compassion and jealousy it’s like a heavy cloak we have wrapped ourselves in.
Jealousy and comparison blind us to the truth. In truth we are all equally delicate and beautiful when we choose to re-connect to who we innately are.
Alexis I always enjoy reading your blogs because you deal with those parts of our behaviour that we would rather no one knew about so I love your honesty to get real about how we relate to ourselves and others so that we can give ourselves a stop moment to consider how we cope with life or even do we cope with life or do we dull ourselves down so much that we live our lives on auto pilot which is not living but existing.
Crazy how we all like to hold each other back, I don’t think as society we are aware of how ingrained this unhealthy harmful behaviour is.
Jealousy does confirm our equality though, because when we feel jealousy we are furious at not taking the same steps someone else has, steps that we know we were / are capable of also taking.
Jealousy and comparison is not something we so readily want to admit so I love your honesty here Alexis asking all to do the same, for if we bring this to the forefront rather than pretending it is not there then there is far more of a chance of clearing this from the body and never allowing it again. As both destroy the body from within. From my experience if I am jealous or comparing myself with another then I am very much missing looking at the finer detail or appreciating what is going on in my life. For if I am jealous or comparing then this is definitely looking outside of myself and not within. Lately I feel my life should be that of one in a swimming pool, googles on head down and focus on what is going on with me, what are my movements instead of everyone else’s!
There is always something there for us to see – a reflection coming back at us to learn from.
I agree Ariana which means that evolution is always on offer, constantly.
I love and admire the incredible honesty in your first sentence, honesty which once shared has the power to open the doorway to healing what it is that is waiting to be healed. And for you it was the opportunity to drag that joy-filled shoe box out from under the bed so once again you have all that you need to shine your glorious light as a woman.
We tend to normalise far too much in our lives which means we don’t have to look more closely at our behaviours and see how insidiously harmful they are…nor do anything to change them..how ridiculously irresponsible can we be!
Oh we can be ridiculously irresponsible, in fact we’ve perfected it to a fine art and integrated it into every aspect of our lives. Which as you so rightly say Elaine has then normalised it to such an extent that we don’t even notice that that is what we’ve done.
This is really interesting; ‘ in the company of women, who even so much as hinted at being their naturally amazing selves, I went into an internal rage (commonly known as jealousy), knowing that I had chosen to energetically kneecap myself since childhood.’ I love your honesty, it is really supportive for me to be honest when I feel jealous of someone and to ponder on what I have and have not chosen in my life that create this feeling of jealousy.
Gutsy honest writing exposing jealousy. Nice one. What you talk about happens ALL the time but how often do people admit to it. Thank you.
“As women we can blame all manner of things for keeping us out of our power, but the biggest factor by far is jealousy from within our own ranks.” How honouring and beautiful it would be if we were to celebrate each other for simply being who we are rather than being jealous.
I can feel that I also took my “naturally joyous expansiveness and crammed it into an old shoebox and stuffed it under the bed of life”. And looking around me as a child I could see that most around me had done the same, so it appeared to be the normal thing to do. But there is nothing normal about hiding the amazing beings we are, it’s hard work, it’s exhausting and the world misses out. Time to crawl out from under the bed, dust ourselves off and live the amazing life that we are naturally born to live.
We are the expansiveness of life, it’s time that we let ourselves expand.
If we choose to not see and be aware of the reflection before us we are at the mercy of contracting and diminishing our light. The power within is there to be claimed and held regardless of what is there that tries to bring it down.
Thanks Caroline, I really appreciated your comment, I had forgotten about the simplicity and practicality of receiving whatever is in front of me, and responding or healing whatever comes up by making sure I allow myself to register it in full consciously and work with it.
We do each other so much harm by allowing jealousy and comparison to creep into our relationships.
‘Looking back, I have had a surprising level of awareness around these feelings of comparison and jealousy but my awareness was never enough to actually shift them.’ So true. We can be very aware of our behaviours but it’s then what we do with that awareness that counts. Awareness plus willingness to take action and do what is there to be done – surrendering to a purpose and call that is greater than who we are as individuals- is what shifts our behaviour and responses.
Well said Bryony – awareness is of no consequence if we do not apply that to life and make the due changes that we are being offered…..it is to stay in comfort if we do not take action and this supports no-one let alone ourselves.
“As women we can blame all manner of things for keeping us out of our power, but the biggest factor by far is jealousy from within our own ranks.” Indeed, and we are the ones who feel jealous. To be able to admit this, and then to start to look at the reasons why we feel jealousy towards another brings the potential of healing so many rifts not only in our immediate connections with other people, but it starts to have a much wider impact that goes way beyond our seeming reach.
One of the most important things we can do about jealousy is simply be super honest about it, it’s going to happen within ourselves and from others but what I am learning is it doesn’t need to have an effect, we can continue remaining connected to our essence but also not judge the other person for jealousy and continue to relate to them from their essence also. There is also an understanding that can come from the bigger picture of how life is set up, and the way we are not nurtured to remain in our essence. This itself is a foundation for jealousy. I have gone from being very hurt by jealousy to now feeling when it’s present and observing it and remaining connected, it’s taken me a few years but it’s truly amazing to have come this far as it’s so worth overcoming. Still some other layers to work on around it, but so much more solid now by observing and holding the person in love.
Amazing to read how you are able to observe jealousy more and more instead of letting it affect you, ‘I have gone from being very hurt by jealousy to now feeling when it’s present and observing it and remaining connected’.
It’s like when we go into jealousy and comparison, we are refusing to take in in full what is being reflected as something that is equally ours to claim also, an inspiration. Being inspired is to allow ourselves to choose our own breath, and I can feel how often we stop ourselves short of that.
For us all, just starting to be honest about the pernicious tentacles of jealousy that wrap around us is a wonderful start to disentangling us from something that affects and influences society on so many levels.
Sometimes I feel competition from my partner or between men and women. This always remind me to tenderly care for myself and breathe the preciousness that I know in relating. When it is a force that comes from women, similarly it is the Living with this solid preciousness within me that expresses steadily with accepted no abuse but Deep understanding.
An amazing falsity to renounce to allow the true light to shine through.
This is a very honest account of what many women I’m sure can relate to. There is such a depth and love, true beauty and wisdom that women all hold within naturally, but we are very good at dismissing this and hate when that dismissal is exposed by another living it. That’s why inspiration is so powerful, being inspired by another will overcome the jealousy.
Ever held back shining because someone’s reacted towards you for doing so? Yeah I have. I’ve been apologetic and played down the amazing way I’ve felt or the great thing I’d done. I’ve done it to make others feel better to my detriment. But I’ve realised that it’s a travesty to hold back one’s shining light. The world needs it.
When we dumb ourselves down, so as to not make the person we’re with uncomfortable or equally when we mechanically lift another person up to bolster them, we tarnish not only ourselves but the other person as well.
We are actually born to shine, very brightly, but unfortunately the world we are born into is set up so that we don’t know it. And yes, that is a ‘travesty’ for us, for those around us and for the whole world. Time to break this age-old paradigm and turn our amazing lights way up high!
It’s not so much that we are born to shine, it’s that we are born shining and then the world sets about dulling our light, which is even worse.
I so agree Nick, it is an absolute “travesty to hold back one’s light”, as the world needs it more than ever before. By holding back we are not only holding the world to ransom, we are also harming ourselves and all those around us in the process. I have learned, the hard way, that it is far easier to shine my light than to hold it back; holding it backs hurts!
“Due to the fact that many of my competitive feelings seemed to be centred around women’s looks or their weight, I had always put them down to some kind of primal competitive behaviour, designed to ensure that women attracted the fittest mate.” What is interesting about this sentence is that we don’t question these concepts. Because if we question it, it falls apart because wouldn’t we actually be more successful in getting a partner when we are fully loving ourselves and embracing our femininity? I mean maybe it is not the reality but for sure being on a tight regime with ourselves to fit a certain picture is not going to leave us with a body and feeling of being beautiful and not naturally at ease with ourselves. I must think of the pigeons with their mating dances and how the females definitely don’t wear their bodies out to get the best male, they just are and in my eyes let themselves be.
Alexis, I love your honesty in this article. Thank you for sharing this; ‘when in the company of women, who even so much as hinted at being their naturally amazing selves, I went into an internal rage (commonly known as jealousy), knowing that I had chosen to energetically kneecap myself since childhood.’ This really makes sense and fior me explains why we get jealous. It feels empowering reading this because if it is our choices that make us feel jealous then we can make different choices.
This is a very powerful piece of writing Alexis and I appreciate the exposing of something that many of us have chosen and participated in and not been willing to take responsibility for. It is much easier to blame life and others for the fullness we believe we are yet to experience and to bathe in ‘feeling sorry for ourselves’ and attack others in regard to this. The moment we are able to honestly own the truth that we made the choice to bury how amazing and loving we are, is the moment we are offered the first glimpse of the divine essence that has been within us all along.
Thank you for your candour, Alexis. Self-fury and comparison has been something I have been riddled with for many years, and it is only now that I can see how dismissing and diminishing I have been towards myself in not valuing what I uniquely bring to the world.
God is not whole without you Janet and that is a fact.
A powerful, inspiring blog Alexis and deeply exposing of how we dim our light through any relationship with jealousy. Your honesty is refreshing and well expressed. Thank you for sharing your return to Divinity.
“Looking back, I can see that I was an unadulterated slice of life, an absolutely pure reflection of divinity and now, as I return to that exact same divinity, I am consciously choosing to not cower in the face of jealousy but to stay steady and to shine my light”.
Jealousy and comparison must be rife because we know many people in our lives who have a lack of self-worth. That’s why conversations like this are needed to get this ugly energy out of our bodies and to see the harm we are choosing to inflict on ourselves and others.
Brushing anything off as normal that feels wrong in our body is a denial of who we are and what we are feeling. It has been an important learning with Universal Medicine to actually acknowledge jealousy exists, how it feels and the effect it has on me. Understanding that it is a force of group energy rather than belonging to one person has been important also, to know why it feels so big and crushing.
I agree Fiona, thank you for your comment. Understanding that jealousy is a collective force has given me insight into why it feels so awful to experience, and why we may all try so strongly to avoid it, to the point of diminishing ourselves and living a reduced existence. It is however possible to learn to register it and read it, and continue on our way in the full beauty of who we are. I’m a work in progress on that but I’ve managed many steps back to back myself without allowing jealousy to crush me, all done with the support of Universal Medicine.
Allowing our beauty to shine forth and not being affected by the jealousy, we are born shining – not allowing the world to dull our light.
When we get caught up in jealousy we silently destroy each other, and ourselves in the process and yet if we were to simply appreciate our differences and celebrate each other for who we are and what we each bring, connecting to the joy of another’s essence, remaining open to ourselves and others would mean there is no need later to reconnect or peel back the layers of protection we build up from using jealousy, if we don’t use it in the first place.
Bringing in appreciation for self and others helps reduce jealousy, ‘if we were to simply appreciate our differences and celebrate each other for who we are and what we each bring’.
‘Joyful expansiveness’ is a great way to describe how I felt as a child, which also got locked away after a time. How different would the world be if we celebrated the divine spark in each other, rather than pulling each other down so we don’t have to step up to be amazing as well?
Great article Alexis, jealousy exposes our own lack of self-worth and self-love, yet when we are truly connected to ourselves we don’t get sucked into the games of jealousy because we already know and appreciate our own worth.
It is enormously sad that the success or joy of another is seen as a failing simply because we do not hold our own worth in a place of honour. The world within where self-worth is a norm is what is now on offer through the work of Serge Benhayon.
I agree Heather, to feel the absolute joy in the body when we celebrate another is a marvellous thing and something we, as humanity, should definitely do more often.
Comparison, competition and jealousy are very much a part of the world of individuality, where we may cut another down in some way without any regard to the loss the community experiences as a result of a person being less than their true essence. The consciousness that is part of this believes that only one or a few can shine, instead of the deep joy and contentment that comes from the true reality that we are all meant to shine equally together.
Beautiful, what if we allow our ways to develop to be open to anothers growth, anothers brightness and acceptance of our own light (love) and choices we have made either in allowance of that beauty or not. The world would be definately a more spacious place for you and others to be.
If life would award Ph.Ds. to those who master to disconnect from the body and react to life and others, people would have a hard time to find a job in that area (too much competition). Instead, not many have mastered coming back to the body, deeply confirming oneself and then moving.
Powerful sharing Alexis. If the Germans have made word for it – Schadenfreude-, then it must be a particularly common experience. Unpacking what’s beneath that feeling though…that is pure gold. You have inspired me to appreciate more..
Awesome sharing Alexis. We know how isolating, capping and awful the feeling of comparison is in our body. For me appreciation is the key. Loving, appreciating and knowing that being our true selves in the world is the greatest gift we can ever bring.
Appreciation is key, as is our relationship with self, ‘ it is from within my relationship with myself that these feelings were actually born.’
Wowzers, this is a strong article. Offering so much for me, particularly as a woman, to unveil and get honest about. Much as I would like to keep the front garden looking tidy as it were, I know that if I am not prepared to unearth lingering jealousy and comparison then I am thwarting the opportunities life and relationships offer.
You are right that we don’t like to admit that we take any enjoyment in others having problems, and the essence of us would never want any harm to come to another person. However, if we base our worth compared to others it makes a lot of sense. So it is more about exploring the comparison and lack of self-worth than beating ourselves up about this pattern.
I know these feelings you talk about. Self fury that I have directed on myself and others at times, but they are not limited with Women. There are also the same feelings that come from men and it is very cool to address them.
Thank you so much, Alexis, for being so honest and jealousy and comparison. I recently got to this point of honesty in myself, seeing how much I have hated another stepping into their evolutionary potential, simply because I was not willing to be responsible for my own choices to that degree. So, now I have stopped with the self-fury and decided to commit to my own evolutionary trajectory, one glorious step at a time.
Brilliant Janet, that’s the antidote.
One step at a time. The final remnants of jealousy, comparison and competition lie in my relationship with myself and it is here that large doses of acceptance and love work their magic.
‘What I took to be competitiveness around ‘looks and weight’ was not, – it was self-fury centred purely around the potential evolutionary power that I could feel in another.’ Herein lies the understanding to all our jealousy problems… that the other is reflecting back to us by way of our choices for not stepping it up!
I am standing with you Alexis on this, the joy, the openness, the surrender within my group in steadiness and solidity not backing up in the deepening of my light, so as to not dim the reflection.
Alexis thank you for sharing so honestly and openly about comparison and jealousy. As women begin to appreciate and accept themselves and their unique qualities it is easier and more natural to appreciate the beauty and qualities of other women, this is true sisterhood and our relationships with women transform when we live this deeper awareness.
It feels absolutely horrible in the body when we hold ourselves back from celebrating another because of our own self fury. Address that self-fury in ourselves and it is easy to celebrate another.
Elizabeth I am feeling the effects of comparison in my body at this very moment and it feels like I have swollowed a belly full of lead. It’s such a deadening feeling not only for me but for the other person. I am aware that my thoughts want to go over certain details about what the person shared but I am not allowing my mind to go there. I know that it is my choice of movements that will either sink me deeper into this wretched feeling or bring me out. I am therefore choosing to move my way out.
The lengths we go to to avoid jealousy from another, ‘By allowing myself the space to understand why I would choose to live in such a diminished way, I have come to understand that I was intent on avoiding the vile jealousy (self-fury) of other girls who had already made the choice to dim their natural light.’
I love your honesty Alexis, for without it we will never unravel and heal the emotions that control and keep us comparing ourselves to each other instead of fully appreciating and learning alongside each other.
We need to be honest to support our healing, this blog is beautifully honest.
What a freedom it is to be able to see another woman, her walk, her curves, her sparkling eyes, and enjoy the pure beauty of that with no comparison to my own beauty.
and equally how freeing is it to recognise that the beauty that we see in another woman is a reflection of our own beauty.
Thank you so much for sharing with this level of honesty Alexis. What a freedom you have been offered. I am deeply inspired to pay attention to my own behaviour and see if there is more for me to observe in myself.
Comparison keeps women from knowing and living with the true joy of one another.
A powerful insight, that the feeling of jealousy is our body saying that what we are choosing is not harmonious within it.
Comparison between women particularly is an indictment on our society, but equally the competition between men tells us that the self acceptance, and self honouring of both men and women is something that needs to be addressed.
You talk about jealousy being self fury and this really highlights how we don’t often stop to consider what is behind these feelings. Serge Benhayon has presented that jealousy comes from us knowing we have not made choices another has made and I can absolutely relate to this. One of my jealousy drivers was if a woman had a better body than me – but this was born from me not eating in a way that nourished and supported my body. The anger was at myself – not another. It is very exposing to look at jealousy this was and be honest in our part in it.
It is such a freedom to stop spewing out and to start looking inward. We avoid it because we don’t want to take responsibility but it is the most wonder-full feeling when we go there. Understanding why we do and feel the way we do allows space for it to be addressed and let go of – in full, thereby emptying the baggage we have been carrying around.
I had a wise women share with me another perspective on how to see a situation that had brought up mixed emotions and jealousy. It was to look at the reflection that was on offer, look at how incredibly orchestrated that moment was for me. A moment on offer that I could get the reflection and see what was needed for me to evolve by going deeper into why I felt the way I did. It was a great moment of appreciation to feel how loved we are all the time and how many moments we are continuously offered by the universe to evolve.
Kim what you share is hugely significant because if we consider that every single moment is a an opportunity to evolve, then it’s easy for us to see just how consistently we sabotage our own evolution.
Absolutely Alexis, in any moment we can chose evolution or sabotage.
W.e can have all sorts of ill thoughts going on in our head and forget that every thought that we have affects our body
as well as everybody else’s body!
Serge Benhayhon has the amazing ability to shed light on many subjects such as this, where otherwise we would put it down to just human behaviour and remain in the dark for a very long time until we eventually figure it out for ourselves. Jealousy explained by Serge and exposed for what it really is ‘self-fury’ can then be addressed and sorted out.
Serge Benhayon is a beacon of light whose beam reaches right around the earth and beyond.
Landing on the core emotion of ‘self-fury’ that initiates the response of jealousy, is such a “Ah-ha!” moment and key to healing. Getting to the core of any issue is the essential part of healing as locating it dismantles its energetic configuration in our body that has stood like a ‘house of cards’ until we literally ‘pull the pin’ and it comes tumbling down, clearing from the body. Kudos to you Alexis and awesome sharing!
I agree, getting to the core pulls the pin and then the emotional and physical baggage is left behind and there is more freedom to move and live from your own divine body.
“As women we can blame all manner of things for keeping us out of our power, but the biggest factor by far is jealousy from within our own ranks.” This is such a great point Alexis, although something that I’m sure not many of us are aware of, and even if we are, are we aware of the level to which this plays out between us?
As women (and men) we have been taught that competition is healthy, and this is in many areas of our lives not just sport – women competing against women, when in fact it is absolutely gorgeous to show appreciation of another and to also receive appreciation … it is totally heart-warming, confirming and inspiring.
In truth, because there is really only one of us, when we compete we are pitting ourselves against ourselves. When you actually take a moment to really consider this fact, it shows competition up for being the utterly ludicrous invention that it is.
The futility and devastation of competition exposed. Thank you Paula and Alexis.
So true Alexis that when we reduce ourselves, stay small and hold back our gorgeousness, we are showing our young girls and young women that this is ok… when it is so not ok for any of us – we all miss out.
We’re also changing the dynamic between men and women because men will calibrate what they offer in relationships, when presented with a dumbed down version of a woman.
It’s gracefully nominating something that is so taken for granted in our society… Even encouraged by the separate of competitive nature of our education from so young, and which is, of course, incredibly toxic.
This is an absolutely amazing blog Alexis as it hits the nail right on the head. This is how all the girls at school where. I withdrew, put on weight and contracted so much around this cattiness that at one stage I refused to go to school. I avoided those girls who were claimed and confident and I avoided those who considered it sport to run others down and I ended up avoiding life altogether and as you say I’d rather take the back seat and be quietly jealous of anyone who was freely themselves thinking that my own hell realm only affected me yet I must have been aware that this affects another as I did everything in my power to not have that energy directed at me!
I could relate to the disappointment you shared when people talked about something ‘good’. I grew up being a people pleaser, fixer and need filler. When people are going well this left me with no role and uncertain of how I should be. Thanks to Universal Medicine, I discovered this wasn’t the real me and I now can be me no matter what people are sharing.
What a beautiful evolution of the relationship you have with yourself – claiming who you are and putting you first. A joy to read and be inspired by. All that holds us back is ourselves.
Jealousy … step brother of comparison, spawn of competition… let us go together to the centre of this perverse paradigm and with the awareness of true connection erase it.
It is very important to debunk comparison and competiveness between women. Question though is, do we stay busy & in the issue and or do we focus on the purpose and power we have as women first and then resolving by moving forward everything that tries to come in to weaken.
I love the honesty expressed in this blog. With clear cut honesty we can heal so much and hence become far better equipped to deal with our lives and other people.
And yet so many of us resist being honest about ourselves and there are so many reasons for that, fear of being judged, not wanting to come across as a horrible person, embarrassment etc However although at first being honest feels quite difficult, after a while it feels a bit like throwing sand bags out of a hot air balloon, very freeing indeed.
Nomination is always the first step to addressing something.
The honesty in this blog blows me away, I too have felt these pangs of jealousy and you know – felt bad about it but didn’t know where it was coming from or why it was happening, I just thought I was a terrible person. Now knowing that jealousy and comparison is a trap most of us fall into because we stop being connected to who we truly are and why we lose that connection, it is a far easier thing to deal with.
Jealousy is so poisonous. There are many times in my life that I have felt it coming at me from others. It is the reason I have chosen to hold myself small and not shine brightly. Not wanting to make other people feel uncomfortable is actually debilitating. It means compromising and bending to suit how we think other people want us to be. It is an ugly compromise which robs us of our power.
In my experience jealousy and sympathy go hand in hand. If we are jealous of someone then we will sympathise with them in order to hold them in a lower vibration so they do not ‘get ahead’ of us, and if someone is jealous of us, it is so unpleasant to feel that out of sympathy for them we do not allow ourselves to feel the ugliness of the force coming through them. This is because we are making it all too personal and while this is an easy mistake to make because there can be a lot of hurt involved, our only way out is to see it all as energy and understand that the force of jealousy comes through people and not from them when they have contracted away from the love that they are and that this force is also wanting us to contract away from all the love we are also. When we understand this that it is much easier to not let this renegade force get the upper hand in our relationships with each other.
There is a way to live that is responsible, solid, caring, respectful and confident that when someone asks, ‘who do you think you are?’, damn right we can claim and let them know exactly who we are and everything that we bring.
I have definitely felt that sense of comparison and disappointment when someone else has been doing well, I can say that I don’t indulge in it the way I once did, the only thing that has changed this is the fact that I have learnt to Love myself in truth, and so I can Love others, otherwise that comparison thing just hangs around like a bad smell!
Jealousy certainly stems from comparing where we are at to someone else and the choices they have made. I too have felt this in my body and it is a big thorn in the side. But that is because I am allowing jealousy to get in the way of appreciation of others, and I find the more I appreciated my choices, the more I appreciate others and do not hold them in jealousy.
Comparison distracts us from being honest with ourself about where we’re at and what really feels true to us, if we cut the comparison we could make life much simpler for us all…
Certainly when I used to feel comparison in the past, it was both a distraction from being honest, as well as a symptom of my dishonesty but when I feel comparison now, it is a catalyst for me to actually become more honest with myself and others.
What I love about your blogs Alexis is that you take the really ugly parts of human behaviour and stick it out in the sun for all to see and eventually dry up and shrivel up. No subject is a taboo topic and thats how it should be otherwise we don’t learn or understand whats going on!
Comparison comes from not committing to what we need to commit to and then when someone does we get mad! A pure distraction from the responsibility of what we are here to bring and enormously damaging to our self-worth to consider that another ‘has it’ and that ‘I don’t’.
What we need to commit to is ourselves, over and over and over again until every moment is a commitment to ourselves and this in itself leads to dedication and service to God.
So with “who the %#@! does she think she is?” what it is really saying is they have the courage to do something I don’t or they have made far more loving and supportive choices than me or they have a million more amounts of self-worth and body confidence than me. When we spend time comparing ourselves to others it is less to make the changes we want to within and for ourselves. Appreciation is key, to appreciate both ourselves and where we are at .. at any given time and to appreciate others and what they have chosen that is inspiring and reflecting to us either something different or exposing to us a choice we haven’t yet made that we know we should!
Certain sectors of the press with their celebrity stories, gossip, sensationalism and thinly disguised Schadenfreude thrive solely due to the public’s addiction to either jealousy or the relief that status and wealth aren’t the end all and be all.
Oh the sheer relief when Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt split up! It was agonising for so many of us that such a good looking woman could have such a good looking husband and produce so many good looking kids and have time to help the starving!
It’s true Alexis about the cycles of jealousy and how insidious they are. If we allow ourselves to dim our natural essence we then can become part the same group that is jealous of those who shine. Healing the effects of others jealousy in our own life, and being honest about our own jealousy and why, is the way out of those cycles so we can return to living from our natural essence and continue to shine when others react. We are each responsible to stop those cycles.
It’s a bit like the saying – we are our own worst enemy. Even if we thought jealousy and comparison of another was ok and it didn’t hurt them (which it’s totally not) we actually are damaging ourselves and our own evolution also, it’s crazy we keep doing this.
When I feel the glorious connection to myself and am committed to going deeper with it appreciating myself along the way I cannot but be inspired by another. If I’m honest I may feel a hint of jealousy or comparison but I cannot react and indulge in it like I used to for I can clearly read and accept the situation and what is on offer. It is so healing and incredibly supportive when we say yes to inspiration and eliminate the emotions of jealousy and comparison in our daily living by choosing a truly loving way to be with ourselves.
Comparison and jealousy simply shines a light on how we are not choosing to be ourselves in all our fullness. The real resentment is against ourself for choosing to remain lesser and holding ourselves back. Being honest with ourself is the first step in putting a stop to these destructive thoughts.
Yes honesty and a good dose of appreciation for all that we and others bring to the world and understanding that no one person has it all. We are each the equal parts of a grand stupendous whole that can only be the stupendousness it is when each of us live our part with our own unique flavour in full and to the best of our ability.
If we choose to be less and keep ourselves small there are many possible consequences, ‘it was a choice that I made to be less. Then, when in the company of women, who even so much as hinted at being their naturally amazing selves, I went into an internal rage (commonly known as jealousy), knowing that I had chosen to energetically kneecap myself since childhood.’ Why not just let our amazingness shine forth in full?
Because the moment we stick our shiny heads up above the rest, there are hundreds of rifles aimed at our heads.
Value and love for who we are bridges the gap of jealously and comparison. When we make way for more appreciation for who we are jealously has no where to go and this builds and deepens overt space and time until inspiration becomes our way of seeing and moving in the world and comparison and jealously have no legs to stand on.
The choice to make ourselves less than another or more goes against our natural way where we are all equal in essence.
I love the opening sentence. I love the honesty and willingness to be open and heal that it takes to actually say it. It’s very common and admitting we feel this way is a huge first step in making another choice in life.
When we choose to feel less than another person for whatever reason, we say yes to the fact that we are indeed less than what we are in truth. The act of leaving aside beautiful parts of our being hurts immensely.
Eduardo I love the fact that you have used the word ‘choose’, as nobody can ever make us feel less. It is only us that can choose that for ourselves.
Honesty such as in this blog unlocks the shackles of behaviours that keep us small and less the the glory that we are.
True, out honesty and our willingness to address what we see ultimately sets us free.
We are our own jailer, which also means that we are the one with the keys.
We certainly are our own jailer and the question is what are the bars protecting us from? It shows how well we know truth at one level and that we also know how to stear clear from it.
I appreciate the truthfulness in this blog, and yes so many of us I am sure put our amazing glorious self away, ‘I took my naturally joyous expansiveness and crammed it into an old shoebox and stuffed it under the bed of life’, choosing to make ourselves less. Bringing our true selves back now and making our choices about love and appreciation is the way forth.
Nothing has power unless we feed it, whether that be negative thoughts, or confirming our own love. When we entertain thoughts that are loveless, we know our soul is not a part of it.
We have chosen the lovelessness that we are living and the only way out is to make our every choice about love.
This is an awesome sharing Alexis, thanks for being so open and honest. It is very powerful when you speak what other dare not speak or write and even if it rocks people’s world, its a good thing and very much appreciated.
Its always interesting how when you look back on a particular time in your life, you can see how amazing you were, how youthful perhaps, or how alive, or just simply how lovely, but in the moment, perhaps there was none or little appreciation for that. So the opportunity is there to appreciate all we are right now, regardless of what our external daily lives look like.
I agree Heather and what I am finding is that by building appreciation consistently into life then it remains a constant regardless of what is going on. There is always something that can be appreciated in any circumstance, even the most harrowing.
Alexis what a powerful and deeply honest blog. It is amazing how often we criticise others, put them down etc.. all because we feel a sense of hurt towards ourselves that the choices we have been making have not been deeply honouring the love we are and so we are where we are as a result. So instead of taking responsibility and making different choices it is far easier to bury the hurt we feel and project our inadequacies onto others. The best remedy to this is appreciation not only of ourselves but also of others – it is amazing how things change when you truly appreciate another.
Re-reading this today I am still blown away by the honesty in this blog that you share with us Alexis. Thank you. It is rare to read a person talk so honestly and publicly about what is going in their life and with such grace, responsibility, authority and lack of judgement. A real treat.
True Sarah I had the same feeling while re reading this blog, the absolute honesty and no judgement in any of the observations Alexis is sharing, is inspirational and asks me to be honest about my own holding back as a young girl and the decision made to go in an already well known pattern of making myself less and a constant focus on the outside instead of being with the richness inside myself. And to be truly honest it is still a pattern I can go into but it feels I am breaking it right now having fractured my left wrist to allow me to fully embrace and let out the sacredness of the woman I am.
Powerful and honest blog Alexis, Thank you! It is through the appreciation of self and others that we can finally dispel the comparison and jealousy that creates separation within ourselves and instead allow us to be inspired by the livingness of another to be more of the love within ourselves.
We do brush off these feelings and then live with them as if they are normal, or have these behaviours as our own little secret that we keep hidden from the world. So, it makes sense that we should start the conversations and out some of these not so hidden behaviours and patterns that do not serve us or humanity.
It is so easy for us all to cram ourselves into the shoe box of life so that we all fit into the ideal size of how and what we should be according to the world. Serge Benhayon and the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom has shown me that the shoe box is a mere constraint to the potential we can walk each and every day.
Being joyful for other people is one of the biggest steps we can take for our own healing and all others. It is inspiring within ourselves to feel open to be joyful for other being empowered, wise, beautiful…to continue to feel comparison and jealousy, perpetuates separation and degrades us all.
I love the absolute open honesty and acceptance of responsibility in this article. What is the most awesome message though is that we do not have to choose to stay trapped by this energy, any moment we can again ‘be our amazing selves’ it shows we have choice.
Wow Alexis, I love your honesty with this article, since reading this I have been much more aware of when I go into comparison and jealousy with other women. A very beautiful thing happened recently when a friend was telling me about a job that she really wanted and got, in the past I would have gone into jealousy, but this time I could feel a natural joy at hearing this news, I felt she would be amazing in this job and even though it meant I did not have the job I was naturally very pleased for her, this was beautiful to feel, I felt supportive and a feeling of sisterhood with my friend, I could feel the bigger picture and that life was not all about me and what was best for me, but was about all of us.
Glorious Rebecca.
Indeed we do not talk about the jealously and constant comparison that happens in the world for many of our institutions and systems foster this in the name of competition and striving for the ideal of excellence.
“for most of my life I have been aware that when certain people have shared something good that has happened to them, I have felt disappointed – and when they have shared something bad that has happened to them, I have felt mildly elated.” This is quite sad really that we should feel this way and I guess exposes our relationship first and foremost with ourselves. Because if we are feeling disappointed when something good has happened to someone else it exposes an emptiness within ourselves that we have not yet healed.
Getting honest about jealously and comparison is super refreshing, it is something we all have done and do and bringing it to the table like this allows for the real healing to start.
There are uncomfortable and undesirable emotions like comparison coming up all the time for most of us. We all feel it and there can be a moment of awkwardness, which are rapidly covered up. But I am finding the more honest we are about these feelings that we would never consciously choose, the more they lose their hold on us.
Comparison, jealousy and having conversations through tight teeth isn’t ‘normal’; we dismiss interactions like this as ‘part of life’ but why? It might be challenging to look at the underlying reason why we’re jealous or contracted, but what’s more damaging is continuing to cement ourselves in this protection/comparison every time something comes up where we feel ‘lesser’.
It has been hugely eye-opening to reflect on and understand the nature of jealousy and to what lengths I have gone to minimise receiving it from other people. So it has been horrifying to realise that I too could be affecting others in the same way by being jealous of them! .. and to start looking at what prompts that and start to deal with those issues to minimise the occurrence as best I can.
Such refreshing and committed responsibility Golnaz and it is only by taking responsibility for ourselves that we are able to be responsible for the world around us.
Inside us, we tend to have some secrets that are very difficult to admit even less to share. But we accept them and go there every time we wish. The point to understand though is that although we may go to them from time to time, they are running inside us all the time. They have a grip on us and we shape our movements to accommodate this fact.
“for most of my life I have been aware that when certain people have shared something good that has happened to them, I have felt disappointed – and when they have shared something bad that has happened to them, I have felt mildly elated.” I have been aware in times of my life when I have felt this but I felt it and did not question it I just carried on. So what I clearly get here is when we have any sort of unharmonious feeling like this to stop and not judge ourselves but ask ourselves why. Go deeper to the true root of this feeling because then and only then when we address it will it no longer have a hold on us.
Self-fury, self-loathing, jealousy – could these all be prompts for us to choose self-care and self-love instead? the more that I choose self-care, understanding and connect to me, the more I am able to see these thoughts for the lies that they are – and choose more self- care and appreciation instead
We feel this in our bodies but how many mechanisms we have created to justify it and pretend we don’t know what is going on. Only when we get honest and can look at our behaviours from a distance do we see the silliness that is playing out, preventing us from stepping up to new levels of expression and communication and, of course, responsibility, the one thing many of us have been avoiding for so long.
It absolutely is a hard pill to swallow when you feel and see another choosing what you are not. How by the choices they have made they are evolving and expanding. I have felt that self-fury but never really knew it for this as until Serge Benhayon shared how this worked and it made complete sense. The jealousy that I knew didn’t feel right was actually me feeling the lack of choices I have not made.
It is interesting how deep comparison and jealousy can go. We can surprise ourselves with feelings that arise so called ‘out of the blue’. Deepening the love and appreciation within ourselves, loving ourselves to the limit in a way that brings out all our shine pours light on the shadows of jealousy, and it simply disappears.
‘By brushing off these feelings as ‘normal,’ I allowed them to play both a major and a crippling role in my life:’ The beginning of letting go of unloving patterns begins with awareness and a willingness to actually want to see, understand and feel everything about them so that they can no longer subliminally rule one’s everyday reality.
“My Evolution as a Woman” – when i reflect on this title i realise it’s been learning to love truly.
Like everyone we have every day the possibility to grow and evolve but if we choose for the comfort of life as we have created it, we choose to not evolve and are presented with the expressions of those who did not succumb for the comfort but instead moved on and so to say leave you behind, possibly with the self fury of jealousy, because you do not want to be exposed for you saying no to the equal opportunity for evolution that was available to you.
There are so many games we play to avoid being the magnificent and beautiful women that we naturally are.
That’s true Fiona. The question is.. Why? In my case I used to play those games to stay in comfort and not assuming the responsibility of being who I am, transparently so… and maybe not to receive the jealousy from others too? Again, this was an excuse that I used to delay the inavoidable and constant pull from within, to fully be me…
We can also play the ‘my life is a mess card’ because it allows others around us to be more comfortable. We can even compete in the ‘my life is a mess card’ to hide things that are going well so that we do not come up against jealousy because should we start playing the card ‘my life is full of joy’ card for example it’s quite revealing to observe other peoples discomfort.
Fiona, I can relate to what you are saying, if others were commenting on something that was going well in my life, I used to routinely put a bit of a negative twist on things, even though it didn’t really exist, in a ridiculous attempt to reduce the potential discomfort that others may feel and so as to keep the heat off me. My goodness me, the games we play!
Also a game I know so well, to take care that others were comfortable around me and thus not only making myself less but also considering the others to be less as they were not worthy to get to see shiny me!
I once got a very wise advice: “Let people react“.
Nothing will ever change if we shy away from reflecting something different and being probably confronting.
It is actually pure self comfort reducing ourselves that we don‘ t need to handle the reaction in another.
This statement made me read and re-read the paragraph over again… “jealousy from within our own ranks..” as it exposes the reality of how jealousy dismantles, divides and separates women, when the opposite all inclusive, beholding, appreciating and celebrating nature of woman to woman has enormous exponential potential to shift the way humanity live and work together.
Jealousy is actually the killer of evolution.
The real killer of evolution is not so much the jealousy itself but the choice to hold ourselves back when we feel it.
I agree Alexis, jealousy is just the end result when we hold ourselves unaware of the fact that we too had the choice to grow and evolve, but choose to say no to that call we felt inside.
Exactly, the jealousy is just the end result of the non chosen expansion of ourselves. Holding us back in areas where we actually already know exactly what steps we should take or move forward is blocking and “killing“ our evolution. The jealousy is only a way to keep us busy with other stuff instead of looking at the actual rootcauses.
I attended a talk the other day on bringing the feminine into the workplace. In the discussion at the end I contributed that one thing women could do was back each other than rather being critical and judgemental of each other, and furthermore, cut the negative self-talk that fosters this kind of behaviour. Interestingly, not one woman in the room wanted to admit they did either of these things. Honesty is essential if we’re going to nail how we are with ourselves and each other.
Great observation Victoria and I do know that from myself too. Being honest has not always been my strength as I had the belief that my life was okay. But slowly the honesty has come more to the fore by choosing for love and truth and now it is more easily to admit that I hold some ideals and beliefs that do not support me in building that foundation of love. Actually it is a choice to be honest or not, depending on if you go for the truth of life or choose for a self created reality.
“Looking back, I have had a surprising level of awareness around these feelings of comparison and jealousy but my awareness was never enough to actually shift them.” its fascinating that we can be so aware yet continue the same patterns and ways of living so as to maintain them and not shift them.
This is a sobering statement – “As women we can blame all manner of things for keeping us out of our power, but the biggest factor by far is jealousy from within our own ranks.” I have also had the privilege of hearing Serge Benhayon present on jealously, as has Natalie and Miranda Benhayon, and it has been a game-changer for me as well. When i feel jealously arising in me now, especially around women, I clock it, check it out, see what is coming up, and then cut the energy as much as I can and look at what is being presented to me to learn from.
I have read this a few times now and the incredible honesty in your first paragraph is absolutely ground breaking as I know few people who would be willing to admit that to themselves let alone to a write about it on a public blog.
True Vanessa, Alexis has given words to what is happening between women and I guess we all, at least I do, recognise but don’t want to admit to ourselves.
It is such a relief to let go of our protection and free ourselves from a cage that had been preventing us from truly connecting to others. We are then able to just be, warts and all and let the love flow .
…..”have had these feelings since the age of about 9 and can pinpoint the exact moment that my body first registered the physical stab in the gut that accompanies the jealousy that underpins these feelings”
Its fascinating when we become aware of how an ill thought has a physical manifestation within our bodies, I can very much relate to this stab in the gut Alexis, it’s horrible, in many ways similar to the feeling of a sudden shock. How amazing that the body provides us with such a alarm bell, for configurations of un-dealt with jealousy within the body can be devastating, both socially and physiologically.
Alexis, it is great that you share this; ‘for most of my life I have been aware that when certain people have shared something good that has happened to them, I have felt disappointed’, reading this makes me aware that I can occasionally feel like this too, its great to be aware of this and to ponder as to why I may feel like this.
It is amazing how when we build love and appreciation of ourselves in our own body, thoughts of jealousy and comparison are simply swept away.
Agree Jenny,If we have a foundation of love and appreciation these thoughts cannot seed in such a rich and nurturing soil
The feelings of jealousy are often obvious but it is the more insidious self fury that plays out that I for one can be less than honest about. Always good to shine light in the darkest of places.
Nowadays, any thought of jealousy that comes into my mind is quickly replaced by a thought of appreciation. The energy is so entirely different and it opens me up to love. Why not be inspired by people rather than be jealous.
Part of me says, ‘can it be that simple- replacing jealousy with appreciation?’ with the support of practical self-care, then yes it can.
Awesome blog, and a topic that deserves to be spoken about and highlighted over and over, until we get the message that being in jealousy and comparison harms us and others and that it is not just harmless competition.
Self fury, self loathing and comparison are the antithesis of self love, self acceptance and self worth.
A very timely sharing Alexis! I feel this blog could do so much by being shared with the community at large.
‘I have had a surprising level of awareness around these feelings of comparison and jealousy but my awareness was never enough to actually shift them.’ – This is such a great point, and I feel this is the case for many of us – we may have or have had a great awareness of our own patterns and behaviours, but to actually know how to shift them is a whole different ball game.
Through Universal Medicine I have come to re-learn that the only way to shift any behaviour or unwanted emotion is to choose to move differently. What that means for me, is that I mechanically choose to not think a certain thought or not say a particular thing or not move my body in a particular way. The way that we move governs our next movement and so the only way out of a holding pattern is to choose our way out.
So true Eva, awareness and honesty are key to unlocking what holds us back from living our potential.
and having a lack of awareness and being dishonest is akin to walking around with a heavy blanket over our heads.
The insidiousness of jealously is way beyond what it is generally perceived with the dishonouring of ourselves and each other. A great blog showing honestly how it really effects us and what is really happening with the effects on us all as women to living who we really are.
What you share here is huge Alexis, thank you for voicing it; I think a lot of us if not most don’t fully appreciate the impact of jealousy in our lives – both reacting to it from others and being aware of if/ when we are in it ourselves…
Jealousy like any emotion is a barrier to God, it really is as simple as that. Emotions play havoc with our bodies and it is through our connection to our bodies that we know God.
Yes it is huge, and exposed by Alexis here, with a refreshing realness and honesty.
I like how you describe how comparison and jealousy – once chosen – have a murky hold. We align to a pool of energy and this energy does not give up on us lightly. Specially if we have lived with it for so long. The process of clearing out this energy is a process of claiming back our natural qualities and so very empowering again – for us all!
Alexis this so Cleary lays out the power and the magnatude of jealousy. It is a hard thing to really admit, that you have this as a behaviour and in the first paragraph my head was actually feeling ‘oh my goodness’ I could never claim this but in truth thus has deeply effected me aswell. Very deeply and then to also turn this on others as self fury I relate. A very hard pill to swallow but also a very real and alarming reality of our society.
‘I have come to realise that what I brushed off as ‘normal female jealousy’ was not – it was in fact self-fury’. I have felt this jealousy from another which in fact was their own self-fury for not having made different choices, these choices that I was reflecting. I did not understand it at first, or could put words to it, but my body was communicating that something did not feel right and what I also realised later was how this person felt ice-cold in their own self fury and I found myself wanting to be less and less in their company.
“what I have now come to know is that it is from within my relationship with myself that these feelings were actually born.” Looking at this as our most significant relationship first can change all others for the better.
We have the constant opportunity to expand, be more of the inherent qualities and bring them to life. Not doing so leaves us with an unrest, knowing that we knowingly chose to delay such expansion. Seeing someone else embracing the opportunity then deeply disturbs us as it reflects our choice to resist the glory and thus holding onto being less than we can be.
Beautifully exposed here is the roots of comparison and jealously, our own self fury for not making the loving choices others have made. But to go into self recrimination is yet another source of self abuse which delays our return to self love and care. Much better to recognise and be honest and be inspired to appreciate what we have to bring to life.
The only real way to deal with jealously is to accept our choices and then change what we do not like about how we are living. Then jealously cannot have a hold on us.
Yes I agree Elizabeth, the reflection we are offered by another’s choices can inspire us to make true changes in our own lives.
Expression is a great way to clear the “murky hold” that comparison and jealousy can have on us. It clears the air ready for a deeper level of acceptance of self and others.
Is there anything that niggles us more than someone else making the choices we don´t choose to make for whatever ‘good’ reason we have as a justification? It goes right to the core of who we are not but are holding onto with fervour.
Great point Alex, there is nothing that niggles and irritates us more than someone else making choices we don’t choose to make for ourselves….the only way to release this tension that we ourselves created is to make the very next choice loving and honouring of ourselves, or even just to make that decision.
Awesome blog Alexis. There is still much we ned to clear around this subject. Letting the protection go and feeling and appreciating the awesome love that is actually in and around us is a great start.
Making ourselves smaller to make another feel at ease diminishes us all for we are each equipped to deal with anything before us and we are each charged with living the Love we absolutely are.
When we deepen our relationship with our self then we deepen with the all.
That is our first responsibility.
“My Evolution as a Woman” – is as simple as being the inclusion of real bodily care and true self-love.
We grow up measuring ourselves against each other and being quietly or not pleased when some one comes in ‘lesser’ than us….it is something well worth being honest about, because when we nominate it in ourselves we are able to heal and renounce it.
Comparison and jealousy is a sure fire way for women to always see ourselves as less.
Absolutely – the perfect excuse to hold ourselves as not good enough rather than shine the awesomeness that we truly are.
I want to walk with this article in my back pocket, as it were, remembering that jealousy destroys connection and relationships.
Matilda, the truth of what is expressed in this article is carried by all of us constantly in our bodies.
Great question Elizabeth. If I haven’t been celebrating, appreciating or accepting of myself, it becomes almost impossible to celebrate another’s joy.
Being open and honest about comparison and jealousy whenever it is present supports us to address these issues. I have found when I pretend it doesn’t exist, that is when I get sucked in deeper or become blind to it.
My daughter described her first feeling of jealousy at age 5 we were with her friend and had bought our friend and the two both got on really well when she said ‘ x is making y happy and it making me sad’ I loved her openness and confusion about her feelings.
Whenever I have let in thoughts around another, it is always when I have not been fully with myself and then unable to feel my truth that is equal to the truth of the person I am comparing myself with, and that is, we are all divinely gorgeous in every way.
When ever friends of mine have told me good news I have always been able to feel joy for them. Even when my relationship had just broken down and my life long friend told me she was getting married, I was still able to feel joy for her even though inside I felt like I was dying. Yes there are thoughts of jealousy but not enough to take me over. We can’t let it rule our lives.
I have seen both in myself and in others, the devastating effect that jealousy and comparison have on self-worth and our expression of ourselves in life – we cut ourselves down before we can bloom
Very true it is definitely a lose lose for all involved.
Well said Rebecca, a painful yet pertinent truth.
Simply beautiful message here, strengthen and appreciate the relationship with ourselves and there is no need to compare with others as better or less than.
Agree Jenny as when we appreciate and accept our own grandness we appreciate and accept others qualities equally so, as we know we are all from the same source …God.
We deserve to live as the beautiful and glorious women (and men) we are, and jealousy and comparison does nothing but keep us from that glory.
Subjugation takes or actually gives away who we are. This assures resentment and fury against the one we subjugate to but actually is a fury against ourselves as we know that no one can take away what cannot be taken away but only be neglected by ourselves.
It is a real game changer when we start to call out behaviours that are not loving and that we do not like to see and much less admit about ourselves.
Totally agree and it is liberating to speak of the hidden behaviours and thoughts as it relinquishes the power it has held due to the hiding. Transparency is a great healer.
Since reading this article the first time I have been so much more willing to be really honest with myself about the whispers of jealousy that lurk in the background of my everyday; I want to root them out knowing the impact they have on the ever more precious relationships in my life.
It’s an amazing feat just to oust jealousy in such a manner as this, bravo Alexis.
A very real understanding of life and the role we play as women in the jealously and bringing down of each other or the amazingness lived of who we really are shining by reflection for us all to return and simply be.
I have been thinking that I am too skinny and I am continually getting told that I am too skinny by others, which backed my own judgment of myself. Last night I decided to throw out all the cloths that I had been keeping for when I put on weight, so that was most of my wardrobe, and this morning I was considering my body and realised that I had an idea that I should be a lot bigger because I was more familiar with big and hard rather then small and delicate. Letting go of the clothes was the first step for me to accept my weight and deeply appreciate the delicateness and fineness of my body and being. This acceptance will support me to fill my body with love and my size will not matter, as love will fill me up to my true size.
Enjoy all you gorgeousness regardless of what others think is their rite to comment. Their ‘thinking aloud’ is an expose on how they view body shape and can be interesting to read.
yes it is interesting that people think they can comment so readily on your weight. I know it was just reflecting to me my own judgment, I am curious to see if it stops as I accept my body more deeply.
Alxis this is super cool to read as I have been in a similar process of realisation that it has been a choice to hide, shutdown and diminish the goregous, pure divine being that I am. And the fact that I am a woman and choose all the jealousy in the world was just a complete game to cover up the deep hurt of walking away from All of who I Am. I love how honest and open you are and I totally relate to shedding all those layers of protection and still find more that are super subtle.
When I was a little girl I was told about somebody’s passing who was around the same age as me. I was surprised to find myself smiling! I was jealous of her confidence. So I was pleased to hear the news. It’s astounding that I should have this reaction when I was so young, but it is an example of human nature when we are grasped by jealousy.
Swallowing the comparison pill has caused such a plague for humanity. We all make choices in our lives according to where we are at along our evolutionary path. What works for one will not work for another, the lessons for us to learn are all very specific to us, not just for this lifetime, but taking into account every life we’ve ever lived. Rather than looking for what is better or worse, if we instead chose to celebrate the simple joy of being with each other and appreciating how much we can all support each other to grow in areas where we don’t feel as strong, our world would very quickly feel so much more harmonious and true.
Beautifully expressed Alison.
‘What works for one will not work for another, the lessons for us to learn are all very specific to us, not just for this lifetime, but taking into account every life we’ve ever lived.’ – How true, we carry all sorts of pictures of how we need to be, when really these are all pictures of someone else that we have compared ourselves with, an outward chase that perpetually keeps us disconnected with our true selves.
I have found it to be quite shocking how cruelly I think about myself and how others think about themselves. We would never accept such thoughts being yelled at us in the street by someone else but accept our internal critiques without a second thought.
What I love so much about this blog is the invitation for us to be totally open and honest with ourselves about any deep dark secrets, things that we know are not supporting us, or anyone else, and lovingly see them for what they are. Until we are prepared to do this, boots ‘n’ all, we prevent ourselves from living the fullness of who we truly are.
So true Alison any un-loving behaviour supports nobody in fact harms everybody. We might think they are little dark ‘secrets’ but there are no hide-e-holes with energy, we live in it. No wonder life can feel heavy when we wade through this stuff.
Yes, me too Alison. I really appreciate the encouragement and inspiration to explore and be honest about my shady secrets about how I react to things sometimes. The more I ‘go there’ the less grip these things have over me and the clearer I feel.
I feel role modelling is so important to the life of young men and women. They watch adults around them gossip, bitch, compete and are no surprises why behaviours such as comparison and jealousy are rampant even if we try and hide them. I used to compare and be jealous a lot with specific people, I have learnt that loving myself has dissipated this behaviour. Love is the answer, not trying to be better.
Well said Samantha, role modelling is vital. Not only do we grow up surrounded by people exhibiting jealousy,comparison and bitchiness but so many programs on telly are actually centred around these behaviours. Growing up in England, I grew up with TV programs that were almost institutions in people’s homes and whose scripts centred around rivalry, judgement,slander, bitchiness, jealousy, comparison and foul behaviour. This was our ‘entertainment’.
Oh wow what an amazing piece of writing, I am going to reread this again and again, Love your honesty, I am sure many of us have fallen for the same jealousy trap, ignoring it rather then dealing with the self fury and our choices that brought us to that point.
Supporting another to truly sparkle and shine, is one of the best forms of true friendship we can have.
Yes, I agree about what true friendship is and when we take responsibility for, and are honest about, how we react to things, there is the foundation and space for these relationships to develop… and they are super beautiful to be a part of.
When I feel how jealousy isn’t personal and how I can feel it from a fury with myself I am more able to be understanding and loving with others. It’s not pleasent to be on the receiving end of jealousy but I have held someone in love whilst they are feeling it, something I am learning to do with myself.
‘As women we can blame all manner of things for keeping us out of our power, but the biggest factor by far is jealousy from within our own ranks.’ So true.. this is why more often than not when a woman is asked she will say men are easier to get along with than women. It is quite a sad state of play as two women in relationship without comparison is exquisite.
Well said Abby. To return to relationships with women without the comparison and jealousy is what truly evolves us. A beautiful reflection from every direction.
It is so true that it is our choice to make ourselves less than other and there the rub continues as we compare and are jealous from that point on.
It is amazing how we don’t realise that taking someone else down is actually hurting us.
Making no apology for myself has been a ginormous cornerstone in my life too Alexis, allowing ourselves the open understanding to be this transparent with how we feel and react is so key. It taken me 40 years to realise how crushed i felt by those around me and how i resolved to lessen myself in their presence. Returning to a full bodied confidence, an awareness that carries through our movements and the same openness of a child’s eyes.
With jealousy we keep each other in check to make sure no one else makes choices to evolve that I have not yet made.
Alexis there is such a lot to reflect on in the blog you have written. Jealousy is such a vile energy when we feel it and when we inflict it on other people. To feel it coming from our own families when young is devastating because it doesn’t make sense to us. It’s a bit like having the rug of life pulled out from under our feet. All the beauty that abounds us everywhere we go shrivels and withers away and from then on life is tainted. And that is exactly why the energy of jealousy attacks us when young so that we feel less and do not shine in that delight – fullness that we natural are.
Alexis, ‘the physical stab in the gut that accompanies the jealousy that underpins these feelings’, since reading your article I have been much more aware of when I go into jealousy, I have noticed the feeling in my stomach and have become aware that the jelousy comes from comparison and rage at myself for choices that I have not made, having this understanding is really helpful and cuts the jelousy rather than allowing it to fester.
Brilliant Rebecca, this is how we pull the plug on jealousy and comparison, we get in there and dismantle it from the inside, because it’s power comes from it’s ability to stay hidden and misunderstood. We need to get right up into it’s face and call it’s bluff.
Yes it always comes back to ourselves, finding the answer in creating a perfect friendship or anything outside of us does not work. The start of the tensions with others always starts in the relationship we have with ourselves, if we are feeling like we are never good enough (by our own measures) there will always be a tension with others too because we are relating with others from a point of feeling lesser instead of our full selves.
Wow. This makes it really clear how important it is to develop our relationship with ourselves, honestly and with understanding, so that we can come to all our other relationships as unencumbered as possible.
The honesty of your sharing is refreshing and a breath of fresh air exposing the rot of jealousy Alexis. Thank you!
“Having made the choice to reduce myself down to the same washed out version of me that everybody else had also chosen for themselves, I then perpetuated the cycle of abuse by inflicting the same force (jealousy) on other girls and women who had not yet chosen to energetically opt out” – so true and very relatable Alexis, “not yet chosen to energetically opt out” ; it is then to choose with all and everything we have to – energetically opt back in.
We are not born with jealousy and comparison so this means we are not supported when young to know ourselves as totally amazing just for being us. I feel this is a major contributor and life and those around us hang onto stuff that kids see all the time and do then model what they see.
‘I had always put them down to some kind of primal competitive behaviour, designed to ensure that women attracted the fittest mate.’ I also have heard this, can’t pin point where but it is out there floating around. Jealously between women is inevitable. But even though I’ve picked this belief up, it never felt true. A deep sadness accompanies acceptance of it. Despite having no memory of experiencing or seeing women be genuinely supportive of one another, and that I have lived less in fear of another woman’s jealousy or hated myself for being jealous, I could not accept this way of living was not it. Rather than discount this knowing I can live it. I can live being me and the joy of celebrating other women in their glory. I don’t have to live under the parapet that limits the support we give each other as women as this is super powerful.
This is a brilliant sharing Alexis exposing the kill-joy that comparison and competition is.
It is rare to hear someone speak so honestly about their own stuff and to share it with the world, offering us all reflections on how this may play out in our own lives. Thank you.
‘I took my naturally joyous expansiveness and crammed it into an old shoebox and stuffed it under the bed of life.’ – I am sure most of us have our own version of how we have destroyed our joyous expansiveness, but they all end up with the same consequense – we do not live who we truly are.
Oh boy the feelings of jealousy and comparison can be so subtle. There is never ever any justification to feeling jealousy no matter how subtle it is and now as I become more transparent in my life I would much rather acknowledge and shine the light on it within myself and another no matter how ugly it looks. From my livingness I or another cannot pretend no matter what outer appearance is shown for it is held within the body and it is not going to go anywhere unless it is seen, accepted and acknowledged for exactly what it is. Thank you Alexis for sharing.
I love the honesty of this, and it got me thinking about that young age where we celebrate the beauty of others, as a small child having a wonderment of others and a real joy that can only be shared. I can’t imainge the small child basking in another’s misfortune, but I also recognise how we get conditioned even at that young age to covet possessions and guard against another, most often as a reaction to a lack of attention we feel. It is beautiful to return to the awareness that being jealous is such a stab in our own heart, because nothing good ever comes from the feelings that we have when we feel this emotion. And the more we know this to be true, the more we can change our ways and celebrate others for who they are the successes they experience, and give ourselves the attention that as a small child we felt to be missing.
So how much ‘evolutionary power’ do we have if we have sensed it in another? Much to be appreciated and inspired by from the reflections we offer each other. Great insights you share Alexis.
If we don’t clock and read the forces that come through people which make us separate, we will never feel the clarity of who we are.
There’s so much that takes place inside us every day that we just let slide as ‘ok’. We turn a blind eye on the basis that ‘it’s not that bad’. Even though it might not be like the extreme we previously lived, it’s actually just another flavour – more of the same. Until we see that this comfortable middle ground is not us, we’ll be lost from the true woman and man inside us. Thank you Alexis for this powerful sharing.
Dismissing and normalising jealousy certainly doesn’t help anyone, and neither is it about heaping judgement on ourselves or others but getting underneath and behind that emotional force to see what it is showing us on a deeper level, just like you have for us here Alexis, thank you.
What is one of the big casualties in this is that natural, innate gorgeous joy gets stuffed down, and choked back. Turn up in all brightness and lightness and it can become pretty clear that it presses someone’s buttons and we might decide to ‘fit in’ we will drop our joy and work on matching the mood of another – ouch!
Not appreciating, honouring and living the naturally awesome beauty of the women that we truly are, effects how we are able to relate to all women, and every man also.
Like many I can absolutely relate to your words Alexis, great expose of an ill that has plagued us all since time immemorial. It can be halted and our awareness of it in its most subtle forms as you have exposed here is the start to do so.
This article is pure gold, sentence by sentence and paragraph by paragraph. The abuse we inflict on ourselves and others through jealousy is huge and can’t be overestimated.
ouch!..what a refreshing honest and candid blog about a subject that we can all relate to. To understand jealousy as a self-fury for not honouring and loving ourselves as we know we can, really deconstructs it for me and takes away its force.
Shocking but true, we are schooled to see others as opponents and foes rather than equal brothers and sisters. Feeling uplifted by another’s failure, and disappointed when they succeed says much about us. To expose this honestly in the way of this blog is exceptional and shows the potential we have to harm another (and ourselves) without even speaking. With self worth, we are not diminished or threatened by another, but inspired, we appreciate what they bring and their own uniqueness.
Absolutely – we are essentially saying yes to insidiously poisoning ourselves with emotions that have no foundation of truth and will never support our true expression.
It is well-worthing looking within, rather than without… for the latter will be void of the true us.
Awesome point Deborah. Mainly, in considering, ‘the true us’.
I feel your opening sentence exposing the comparison, is opening up the secret lives we try to keep to ourselves. This is a great thing, as when it is shamefully hidden, we identify with and judge the behaviour and so are unable to observe then clear it. I had a similar experience with people ‘doing well’. I grew taking on the role of being a supportive, problem solver. So this left me floundering when people were doing well. I am finding it very freeing to no longer need to be the supporter to know where I fit with other people.
‘As women we can blame all manner of things for keeping us out of our power, but the biggest factor by far is jealousy from within our own ranks.’ – How true, fear of jealousy can promptly make us dim our light, however it is important to know that it is a choice to sell out to this force. If we read it for what it is and call out the energy we can stay empowered as opposed to powerless.
“…for most of my life I have been aware that when certain people have shared something good that has happened to them, I have felt disappointed – and when they have shared something bad that has happened to them, I have felt mildly elated.”
Our German readers will know of this concept – they even have a word for it, ‘schadenfreude’, pleasure derived from someone else’s misfortune. It’s certainly a misfortune that we can harbour such emotions – but conversely, it’s wonderful we can turn them around.
The joy of honouring and celebrating others is amazing and very beautiful to feel and allows us to be truly who we are and honouring of ourselves also which comes hand in hand in the oneness we are. Anything less is something to be healed from within to return to the love we all are.
It is incredible how easily we can brush of ‘jealousy’ and ‘comparison’ feelings “… as ‘normal…” when alternatively we could ask ourselves the question of ‘Why am i feeling thing?’… ‘What are i actually seeing/noticing here?’… or ‘what is this reflecting to me?’ And this enquiry would debase these separative feelings.
Unfortunately we are living so far from our truth that we live in a world where we think that all of our emotions are normal, when the truth of the matter is no emotions are normal in a natural way of being.
This is a fantastic topic to bring to the surface and done with great honesty, which is the best way to heal the harmful affects of jealousy. I have to admit having the same feelings at times when people have shared some problem they have had and responded internally with a kind of relief, as if I don’t have to raise myself up to any other level of responsibility for expressing the real and whole me. But the irony is that I have also noticed that when I have felt true joy for the success of another, it has actually been just as easy as taking the comfortable route and playing small or contracted in a way that is hiding my true self from the world. This way is certainly draining and exhausting in the long run and jealousy only breeds a poison in the body that spreads and festers over time, negatively affecting all relationships.
Something else I notice we do to each other that is not at all pleasant to feel, is that we often confirm something about another that we know is not true. This often happens by way of a compliment. It can be as simple as ‘I really like that top on you’ or ‘that hairstyle suits you’ when really we know that it doesn’t. Sometimes we even tell ourselves that we genuinely believe the words we are speaking and this makes the illusion even more complete. It is a form of very subtle denigration with the intention to keep everyone expressing less than their true worth so we do not feel the pressure to step up to the same greatness within us.
Very true Liane. I found myself nodding and agreeing with another to find that by the end of the conversation actually what was be presented only part of it was true. There were two parts but I was given an opportunity to express with clarity the situation. I didn’t in this instance but I felt very clearly what had happened. We can begin to talk about one thing eg. in this case I was shown how my daughter is beginning to express freely – great but what she was encouraged to talk and express about was not great! I could tell from my observation that the woman had felt what was coming through me in that moment but I held back. I am becoming more aware of how I hold back in my life but I see this as a good thing and something to deeply appreciate to support me next time round to speak up with authority what is needed to be expressed and not respond in a diminished way because holding back in any way, shape or form doesn’t support another and it certainly doesn’t support me.
‘Looking back, I can see that I was an unadulterated slice of life, an absolutely pure reflection of divinity and now, as I return to that exact same divinity, I am consciously choosing to not cower in the face of jealousy but to stay steady and to shine my light.’ So inspiring on so many levels, making that return to that absolute pure reflection of divinity and choosing to stand steady with shining your light out. Amazing and so healing for us all to feel this commitment to love lived.
When we have these thoughts – are they really ours?
Knowing that we are merely fleshy tubes through which energy flows, depositing thoughts and feelings as it passes through us, I would suggest that not only are no thoughts ours but that there is also no ‘us’.
Thank you Alexis for raising this topic that most of us prefer to not look deeply at for fear that we are part of perpetuating the jealousy that is fife in this world. How sad that we have not been able to truly rejoice in an others joy!
‘completely missing the point that it was my body’s way of drawing my attention to a choice that I was making that was neither loving nor harmonious… ‘ – An amazing self awareness and insight into jealousy. Thank you Alexis for sharing.
When our whole body and being truly celebrates another it is wonderful, we are no longer in the separative state of individuality, and naturally celebrating ourselves – as we are all one.
What we don’t realise is that these feelings of comparison and jealousy can be felt by others. I know that I have often clocked this coming at me from other people and they are not aware of it themselves…and yet they feel it. This is a great blog bringing these scenarios into the open. It is time that we let ourselves feel the “potential evolutionary power” in another, let ourselves be inspired by it and celebrate it, her (or him) and ourselves all at the same time.
Yes, they can definitely feel them and it alters their behaviour – as it does alter mine when I am at the receiving end of these thoughts. The change in behaviour may be conscious or unconscious.
When we can be truly honest with ourselves Alexis, we can feel the healing that brings us and allows us to move forwards and evolve. There is no point living a lie, we may fool others but we can never fool ourselves. It is so possible for us all to live lovingly when we stop the games we have played and feel and live the truth.
In truth we can never ever fool another, if another is ‘fooled’ then this is them choosing not to see the truth.
This is so wonderfully descriptive and true – “I took my naturally joyous expansiveness and crammed it into an old shoebox and stuffed it under the bed of life. This I did through my own free will – it was a choice that I made to be less.” When we realise that it is our own choices which have led to us feeling less, we can turn things around quite quickly.
I have witnessed time and time again women standing up to speak and crowds of people shooting daggers of jealousy at them. This happens even within communities that are supposedly built on love. It’s a sad case of affairs when jealousy is allowed to run like this unchecked. We are all responsible for clocking it within ourselves and choosing not to allow this harm to another.
There is also a responsibility to hold ourselves in that total knowing that what is at play is a confirmation of what we are living – true divinity!
Could it be because we can feel it’s a relief when others don’t make the choices that would expose us in our own lack of responsibility.
When we consider that every negative thought has had an impact on our bodies as well as on everyone around us, indeed everyone on the planet, it is a sobering thought to reflect on how little we appreciate and bring joy to every moment.
In truth there are only ever two choices.
‘I am consciously choosing to not cower in the face of jealousy but to stay steady and to shine my light.’ – this is so much easier to do when we have the awareness and understanding of what is truly going on and are able to de-personalise the situation and see it for what it is, energy at play trying to hook us in.
I don’t feel I have ever wanted to be jealous, yet it clearly has been something that I have chosen, as we all have free will. Having such an open and honest expose on what is really going on when we are jealous really raises the bar and asks us all for a deeper level of commitment and honesty with our gorgeous selves. Appreciating and celebrating the divinity of who we are, not of what we are not.
Alexis reading this superb blog again I am still struck by the honesty of what you’ve shared and how accurately you represent what happens for us all at times. Such a great expose of the truth behind this insidious emotion… so often justified in other ways, most often including some sort of negative talk about the subject of the jealousy.
The acknowledgement of jealousy and self fury of not choosing what is there to be chosen, is a great step towards making those choices.
Thanks for opening up the reading on what the ‘stab in the gut feeling and agitation’ can truly mean. My sense is that I have turned the pain I feel – that I don’t want to feel, into hunger-pains. I’ve worked out that when I feel something in my body that I don’t like my stomach starts rumbling. I have definitely worked out food numbs what I don’t want to feel so I associate these stabbing agitated gut feelings with being hungry because that is how I have learnt to suppress them. I’d say 99% of the time when I experience these feelings there is no chance I am actually hungry, and there is every chance I’m feeling jealousy or another emotion that has my mind disconnecting from my heart. Hence the warning signals from my body. It’s just I have chosen to misinterpret the reading because I haven’t wanted to feel how yukky it is to be jealous of someone I love.
Sandra what a fantastic conclusion you have reached, that the physical sensation of ‘being hungry’ comes in to mask the physical sensations that the body is using to alert us to unwanted emotion. How very cunning.
I can absolutely relate to this Sandra, how we translate our unwanted emotions/tensions into hunger is the perfect trap to keeping us on this merry-go-round of life, for the food serves to keep suppressing what we don’t want to feel and so the cycle repeats itself until one day we are presented with the manifestations of this lived disharmony.
Alexis, I love in particular the last paragraph where you talk about peeling back the layers to reveal the preciousness within – the preciousness that was there from day one and never went away, but was there solidly waiting for its re-discovery under all the layers that we choose to bury it under! We can make the choice to return to our essence at any time – what a blessing this is!
Jealousy is a choice that we make to be lesser rather than letting ourselves be inspired by the growth we sense in another.
Alexis, I love how you have talked with such honesty about the ‘murky’ hold that the energy of jealousy can have if we allow it. This is a very candid and open discussion you have started and one that so many of us don’t like to admit being a part of – and yet when we talk about it we get to understand it, we get to pull apart and dissect the very energy that can come in and pull apart relationships – and how important it is to understand the destructive forces of jealousy so that we can recognize it from the word go and then nip it in the bud knowing that we are so much grander than that, and choosing the grandness instead.
While reading your blog I made a connection I hadn’t previously made. Growing up I was friends with all the groups of girls at school. So I was always fascinated at how the “popular” girls who generally were very pretty, had the best clothes etc etc were always the first to be upset if someone else stood out for a moment. As everyone else viewed them as having everything, yet they were the first to get nasty if someone else stood out/shined. I always knew the “popular” girls had quite a feeling of inadequacy, but what it really was was the popular girls were furious when other girls, that didn’t sell themselves out for the image to be “popular” were noticed and yet they hadn’t needed to sell themselves-out to get the recognition the “popular” girls craved and gave up anything for.
It’s actually crazy that we should be disappointed when someone shares some good news with us. It exposes how we feel about ourselves and our own lives, for if we were doing everything in our power for ourselves and our own development we would be celebrating anything and anyone who is also doing this for themselves.
The fact that most find it difficult to appreciate themselves gives an insight into the extent that comparison and competition (i.e cutting another or ourselves down) have / are being endorsed. We can’t just ‘not appreciate’ to ‘not appreciate’ we must be actively expressing the opposite.
How liberating is truth when we are prepared to honestly express… it literally clears the air!
Yes, Alexis, any time we are not living our ‘potential evolutionary power’ we run the risk of comparing with others, rather than facing the fact that we are glorious and divine.
In truth, why would I want to be anyone else when I can be divinely, gorgeous, amazing me?
‘As women we can blame all manner of things for keeping us out of our power, but the biggest factor by far is jealousy from within our own ranks.’ – celebrating who we are, as women, being open and honest about our choices and the hurts that are lurking behind those choices, when they are not loving, is a big step in the right direction to rid ourselves of this very divisive and harmful behaviour.
It is both incredible and sad how we can live for so long holding onto a hurt, resentment, anger, bitterness or jealousy ‘and I continued to miss the point for about the next 40 years!’ The only person this ends up hurting and making ill is ourselves. Although it may be challenging, uncomfortable and we may be stubborn from personal experience I know it is far healthier for our body and being the quicker we heal this and let go so we are no longer holding onto it. Stubbornness, jealousy or wanting to be ‘better’ than another serves no one.
A true appreciation of another is also a glorious confirmation of ourselves. Thus, any iota less than that is, by science, an indication that we ourselves are living less than what we are.
The flavour of the jealousy might be slightly different with women – but I can attest to this blog being 100% relevant for men too.
Thank you for the clarity Otto, I did wonder if men felt similarly to women on the topic of jealousy and comparison.
What might also be different is the flavour of the reaction; with me it is a protection, a raising of the draw bridge and a fortification of the defences. But by developing my appreciation of myself I have become more and more open to appreciating others and letting them in.
The relationship with ourselves is the platform upon which we stand in life and hence build our lives from. Working on this relationship and choosing a more loving foundation is then the key to having more loving relationships with others – as is so perfectly described here by Alexis.
“That stabbing sensation and accompanying agitation became so familiar to me that I simply incorporated them into my life;”
Firstly huge appreciation for your honesty here Alexis, super inspiring for all women.
We have this saying “par for the course” which describes whats normal and to be expected, its an assumption that things will happen that are unavoidable and hence part of life.
This saying holds you as the victim; the recipient of what life throws at you.
I can see that simply incorporating and accepting reactions like this into our lives stems from these same disempowering attitudes towards life.
“… what I have now come to know is that it is from within my relationship with myself that these feelings were actually born.” What an amazing revelation to be able to feel and know that jealously stems from the relationship we have with our selves first and foremost. When this is felt we can truly tackle this corrosive self fury and start the process of bringing understanding and love to our selves, resurrecting in its place a tender and loving personal relationship that will then feed all the other relationships in our lives.
Jealousy is an evil thing and I never heard it be talked about more openly and honestly before being involved with Universal Medicine and having it explained as self-fury by Serge Benhayon. If we can talk, write and expose this evil thing as well as you have done here Alexis we take the power away from it. It is a horrible feeling being jealous and not nice to be on the receiving end either.
Yes, yes and yes. The toxicity of jealousy needs to be understood way, way deeper than it currently is. For most of us, we just throw it brush it aside – but it is a disease that needs to be healed and it is through blogs and comments like this that we can all learn how to bring it out of the shadows.
Comparison need not only befit the obvious moments of jealousy and spite, but is often present in day to day life in the most subtle of ways – both in our interactions with others and our conduct day to day with ourselves and others.
This article is a life changer… your willingness to share this, Alexis, along with my willingness to actually hear what you are saying, has taken me to who new level of honesty and understanding with myself. Exposing and squirmy yes, but so amazing not to have shame skulking in the corner of my everyday.
Appreciate yourself in full for going there Matilda.
There is absolutely no need for women to compete or compare themselves with other women and yet that is what we do as a way to develop our self worth. Once we are able to see ourselves as equals and feel the deeper essence within we can see the outer layers for what they are – either a true expression of the beauty within or a false image that has been built up as a form of protection.
The ‘self-worth’ that we erroneously believe that we are building through competing and comparing ourselves with others is not actually true self worth, it is a ramshackle version, nailed together with self fury, self doubt and insecurity. It is a flimsy imposter that crumbles at the slightest sign of unrest.
A whole sector of the print media busies itself with either gloating over the triumphs of celebrities or tootooing their misfortunes – what does their success say about us as a society and how we regard and treat each other? And ourselves for that matter?
So gorgeous :”as I return to that exact same divinity, I am consciously choosing to not cower in the face of jealousy but to stay steady and to shine my light.” This is what is needed for each and everyone of us, thank you for your very honest sharing.
So beautiful – yes awesomeness in full expression!
What an insight to get – “What I took to be competitiveness around ‘looks and weight’ was not, – it was self-fury centred purely around the potential evolutionary power that I could feel in another.” Wow, to realise this and then work on healing the core issue underlying this is such an awesome journey. Yes Serge Benhayon and all he presents is an eye opener and offers so much healing when we go into acceptance without resistance.
“As women we can blame all manner of things for keeping us out of our power, but the biggest factor by far is jealousy from within our own ranks.” – you nailed it here Alexis – instead of supporting each other in all that we are and can be, we catcall and put down and diminish each other – how totally back to front is that! All we need to do is start with appreciating who we are, deeply and connectedly and this will then be part of our life and can not but be reflected to all around us – so jealousy and envy will drop as we just appreciate what all of us bring.
Bring it on I say. One by one, step by step breaking the habits of competition, comparison and jealousy that keep us all incarcerated in separation from each other… the opposite of our natural way, which is to live connected and working together.
This rollercoaster ride of comparison and competition is one the greatest distractions we face in life. Over the last couple of days it’s been made incredibly clear to me, that the truth is we all are one, and any thoughts entertaining ideas of difference and separation just aren’t true. There’s no space to indulge any more in these delusions of individualism – it’s time to live knowing the connection that is there. Thank you Alexis for mentioning this big difference that is there.
Ah, the common old need for security which drives us to be looking for something to make us feel better or justify the insecurity – and when this happens through people telling us about when they didn’t do something so well – it is indeed a game to be elated but this is the level of honesty we need as a society in relationships to see and uncover why it is that it isn’t truly working.
It is amazing to get to the root of the emotions that completely corrupt us and our relationship to humanity. To be aware that we have chosen these and to understand the whole picture of why we did that, empowers us to chose differently and unravels the idea that we have no say in experiencing these emotions. Thank you Alexis, this was a joy to read because of the depth of understanding it brings to our choices and the fact that we are all ‘an unadulterated slice of life, a pure reflection of divinity’
Jealousy is so destructive.
I went to school with a beautiful, sweet, fun boy who, in his 20’s killed his girl friend because of jealousy.
…so it is super important we are talking about it and getting it out in the open so we can bring more understanding and healing to this phenomenon.
..And short of murder how much very real damage do we do ourselves and others by allowing jealousy to control us instead of understanding it and choosing to address the root cause?
This is important to acknowledge and understand the fact of jealousy. I was horrified when I learned that I was expressing this harmful energy towards people I loved and held highly. Realising that when we reduce ourselves to the same version that most people also have,” we then perpetuate the cycle of abuse by inflicting the same force (jealousy) on other girls and women who had not yet chosen to energetically opt out”, shows the responsibility not just to ourselves but to everyone else as well, to shine and live all that we are.
I remember the horrible and painful feelings of jealousy when I was a child growing up. The jealousy was there between all of us at school, we lived it daily without being aware of it, but it was played out in competition and spitefulness, talking about someone behind their back and blame. As I read your article Alexis, my body memory brought up that intense feeling of rage, rage that another could be better than me and get the attention. How revealing that the rage is really about my choice not to recognise my own qualities and worthiness and live it. This was always encouraged by the way none of us was allowed to claim ourselves and say “I’m good at that” for fear of being labelled vain or proud, and taunted and ridiculed “to bring us down a peg.” The evil energy of jealousy degrades and contracts and divides. Thank God for Serge Benhayon who exposes where it comes from, the way it works, and what it truly is, so that we become aware of our long time addiction to it and can heal its wounds.
Thank you, Joan, for calling jealousy ‘our long term addiction’ because this puts us in the driving seat of calling the changes which feels super empowering and inspiring.
We, as women have purposefully brought in a belief in an attempt to hold one another back. This belief is woven throughout all levels of society and warns us that ‘no one likes a woman who ‘big-notes’ herself’. This warning sits there as a silent threat, just incase one of us makes a run for true freedom.
Superb exposure of how the world is set up to perfectly foster, breed and spread jealousy – thus keeping us all less. Break this cycle and we will be freer to expand into our full power.
Steadiness is underrated for it is the foundation we draw upon through challenging times.
I agree Abby and steadiness comes from commitment to self.
“… the biggest factor by far is jealousy from within our own ranks….” It is quite incredible how society is set up through many ways to encourage the separation between women. And yet, when women come together without jealousy, comparison or judgment, but with their natural quality of stillness and Sacredness, this whole group of woman is formidable for All.
When we are dealing with jealousy, reading and honesty are the catalysts to its dissolution.
Brilliantly said Michael.
‘Reading and honesty’ are the ingredients to the dissolution of any-thing that does not come from truth.
And those ingredients baked at a consistent level of commitment leads to a magnificent wealth of grace.
There is such a light to shine on our behaviours when we are willing to look at our childhood experiences. It seems almost cliche to link it, but in actual fact who doesn’t have childhood trauma, and yet what benefit from acknowledging the affect of things that hurt us when we were little and made us alert our behaviour. What Alexis shares here is so common that we have made it normal, and don’t even really mention it as the poison it is. But what a difference it makes to our lives when we take ownership of such occurrences.
This self-fury you write about is really toxic and I have felt this from another and also absorbed. Having a session with and Esoteric practitioner to clear what I had taken on, I got to feel the why behind the self-fury of another and it is exactly as you have described it; ‘ it was self-fury centred purely around the potential evolutionary power that I could feel in another’.
This blog is for all of us to read – because as you highlighted we make ourselves less in order to fit in…. and life then is just a struggle, complicated and exhausting which was my old life. My new way is to share and express all the love that I am and to keep evolving and letting go of the old, to allow even more space for love to flow through me.
And the simplicity of this makes the futility of the struggle I used to live (comparing and competing to try and find my place in life) very clear and stark.
When we change the naturalness of ourselves because of how others may feel, everyone misses out. We miss out because we change ourselves, they miss out because they do not get our honest reflection. We all miss out thinking it is okay to not be ourselves and the whole world misses out by thinking this capped version of Expression is normal.
I have experienced this too and feel that for me it arises when I am not acting on the opportunities in my own life or delaying them in some way. When I feel I am there and allowing myself to follow what is set out in front of me, irrelevant of how it would compare to anyone else, there is no need to fall into this trap as all is as it should be.
So true Michael, not acting on the opportunities presented to us in life or delaying them in some way is what builds a cycle of self fury.
The truth is that jealousy is not who you are, it is actually not a part of you, it simply is a reaction or a behaviour that comes about, but it can never truly define you or make you what it is because you are who you are and that will always remain, which is why, with a bit of work and support, we can all let go of these behaviours because what we are all returning to is glorious and never does it fade or go away.
“the physical stab in the gut that accompanies the jealousy”, leaves a wound that for some never heals and it becomes ingrained into the way we are in the world. And even though it might have been just one lone person who engendered this overwhelming feeling within us we then walk around expecting every other person to do the same, thus feeding the wound over and over again. There is little opportunity for us to evolve with this wound unhealed, and so the jealousy continues to be fed
The empowering thing about taking responsibility for how we feel, is that we come to realise that it is not possible for another to ever cause us to feel anything. Any-thing that we feel, is our own choice. I chose to reduce myself down to a pint sized version of me, no one has the capability to make another shrink, if we shrink then it is our choice.
To continue with jealousy, comparison and competition amongst ourselves is to stay less than the grandness of who we truly are… innately wise, equal, loving and joy-full!
‘Self-fury’ is a toxic poison within our bodies – no longer healthy for us or for those around us… great to call this out Alexis, and to expose jealousy for what it truly is.
Bringing truth to a situation or way of being is an absolute breath of fresh air and a wonderful opportunity to clear out what is not love.
Imagine if all women dropped their comparison, competition and jealousy… relationships would be far more joyous, honest and intimate.
Your bravery and honesty leaves me with only admiration for you. You are breaking the insidious hold that jealous and comparison energy has over women all around the globe just by writing and earthing this article, I am forever grateful, thank you.
Alexis this is a great expose of the comparison and jealousy that separates us as women and holds us back from living to our true potential in true sisterhood which ultimately leads onto true brotherhood. This blog brings all our dirty washing out to be thoroughly looked over and either discarded completely or washed within an inch of it’s life. Thank you.
Hear hear – I fully concur – too good to have this out in the open and get washing, in fact scrubbing 😉
It feels very beautiful as we all become more willing to expose those up-till-now hidden parts of our lives – everything we hide inside has an impact on the the whole body and is never truly hidden.
I agree Susan and as we are all energetically connected with everything else, then what we deem as being ‘hidden inside of us’, is in fact not hidden energetically but instead is very much a part of our collective whole.
It is awesome you have written so frankly about something we all have felt and lived to greater and lesser degrees. We are conditioned to try and strive for perfection the cost to our being is so catastrophic we see it played out in the world.
Nothing stays still, there is a continuous universal pull for us to move forward in our evolution, to resist this through our choices is contributing harm, to ourselves and all that we are a part of. There is nothing loving about suppressing our divinity and we feel the ill effects from this in our bodies.
‘my body has silently catalogued an inordinate amount of times that it has felt a very secretive part of itself skulking down behind its own eyes, holding its breath, whilst it waits to see if a friend is about to share something ‘good’ that was happening to them, or something ‘bad.’’ ….. there is a feeling of anticipation here, are you going to make me feel better or worse about myself? Whereas the only way we truly feel ‘better’ about ourselves is by appreciating all that we already are and choosing to live from this foundation of love, rather than from everything we are not.
There is much to unravel about wanting and needing to fit. The truth is we don’t need any of this surface acceptance when we are fully connected to the gloriousness of our innate essence, the essence we naturally lived when we were young. This is the natural joy and wonder of life before ‘competition’ is introduced.
Really appreciate the honesty is has taken to write this and it is hugely inspiring because it reminds us that we are not our emotions, but in essence made of something far grander and immensely beautiful. Once we reconnect to our essence, then it becomes easy to expose the jealousy at the merest hint so that it cannot manifest into anything devastating.
When I realised that the jealousy that I held towards others was from my own relationship with myself or you could say lack of and it was actually fuelled by self-fury. It made a lot of sense and also gave me an opportunity to choose something different. To actually dedicate that time with myself and deepen this relationship first before looking out.
Yes when we choose to look at our selves first in truth and how we are with our selves, that makes such a huge difference as to how we then may view another. And instead of going into jealousy and fury all we have to do is start making different choices, to connect with our selves and address the issues that have led us to choose a way that did not reflect the love and gorgeousness within.
“….what I have now come to know is that it is from within my relationship with myself that these feelings were actually born.” This is so refreshingly honest Alexis, as it is only by being willing to look at this relationship with ourselves, or more to the point the lack of one, that we can start to address and deal with these underlying feelings such as jealousy that can and do have such a big impact on our lives and our relationships with others.
Amazing honesty Alexis – ‘what I have now come to know is that it is from within my relationship with myself that these feelings were actually born.’ – When we are willing to look with honesty at the origins of our feelings and behaviours, true change and healing can take place.
Honesty with ourselves is indeed very healing and is a medicine we can very easily give ourselves.
Brilliant blog Alexis, unveiling the description of ‘self-fury’… A word that conjures up such strong emotions that most women I’m sure can have had a relationship with…
It is great to expose how we have chosen to live less that who we have the potential to be, and we need to offer mutual support with those we are close to, in continually not accepting a lesser version of each other.
Rather than welcoming a lesser version of each other purely because it allows us to remain in comfort.
‘As women we can blame all manner of things for keeping us out of our power, but the biggest factor by far is jealousy from within our own ranks.’ At the end of the day we can not control how people will react or respond to us. Ruffling feathers is a natural part growing. The greatest shake ups in life can lead to enormous growth if we can appreciate them.
What you describe here is what happens inside of us that no-one wants to admit Alexis. Your honesty allows us all to say yes, I do that too. When we understand that there are two energies in the world, we know it is this energy in us does not come from us but that we have chosen to behave in this way.
Well said Gill, understanding about the two energies makes everything that we experience impersonal. When jealousy comes through it is not who we are and doesn’t come from us but through us, therefore we have chosen to align to the astral energy that then express in this vile vibration. So, we have a responsiblity to align to the energy that serves everyone and not just the individual.
I feel like this is so important – as women strive for more equality with men, we cannot overlook the inequality between ourselves and its very damaging impact. Women are amazing and can do amazing things, and in appreciation we don’t just build another, it also builds us because if we can see a quality in someone else, it must equally be within us too.
Jealousy is quite incidious with so many forms that it plays out in many ways such as what you have shared here Doug. And it’s quite full on to feel because with that we need to admit we have all been part of it and most probably have let it play out the most with the ones we say we love.
Jealousy is a chain and ball we shackle ourselves with willingly, that just slows down our evolution.
Well said Steve, we chose the jealousy instead of facing ourselves and the empty anti-evolving choices we have made – so in effect avoiding responsibility.
Allowing for complete transparency in all our interactions allows us to surrender to the all. The all of who we are and the open invitation to also see the all of everyone else and that is a gift and a learning that unfolds as we do. Thank you Alexis.
I can remember as a young child growing up being insanely jealous over my siblings, my body would tighten into flares of rage which would erupt because i felt i was missing out, not included, not listened to, left behind, not wanted by being a girl and not another boy like the both of them. Not dealing with the issue of jealousy is entirely poisonous and ruinous of any person and it is essential we’re supported in dealing with it – asap – through developing a focus on self-relationship and the quality of this being the love of oneself .. and having that confirmed to get us all out of the putrid waters of comparison and stench of jealousy.
Exposing and cutting the energy of jelousy is a healing for you and an opportunity for the other too.
We may look around the world at all the evil that is going on and distance ourselves from it, but that is a false illusion, because we are all responsible for everything that has happened starting when we chose to ignore the first smidgen of abuse and things have gradually got worse and worse.
Crammed into a shoe box is no way to live. It explains so much about us and the way we become in life. So easy for things to be different once we emerge from the box and stop hiding and keeping ourselves small.
Unexpressed feelings are always felt, whether they be jealousy, comparison, sadness, anger… we try to hide them and think we have succeeded, but our bodies always feel the truth of everything.
Taking responsibility for the way we are choosing to live includes everything, even our thoughts. With jealousy that is a direct attack on another causing harm to them and even more harm to our selves. How much easier it is to stop and choose to be the love that we are. It may not seem like it at the time, but the path of love is always the path of least resistance. We are choosing to make things so much harder for our selves and everyone else when we resist being the love that we naturally are.
The more we appreciate ourselves, the more we appreciate everyone else, allowing the space to celebrate their joy with them. Knowing that we all have free will and that any claiming of ourselves and healing that has taken place has required a great deal of commitment and love, this is something to be deeply appreciated in each other and with that appreciation it also inspires us to feel the pull to be more of who we truly are in ourselves.
Gloating over the misfortune of another, in whatever form, hurts us just as much as the person who is on the receiving end of it. It causes separation and goes against our true nature, no matter how much we might try to justify it. ‘Normal’ isn’t natural, after all.
A huge point Gabriele – what we have made normal, such as separation, is definitely not natural.
Wow! What a fabulous blog. I love the honesty of sharing something so many people experience. It also offers an understanding that can support us to start healing the jealousy rather than excusing it as normal or burying it further and feeling bad about it.
Jealousy is so damaging and pure evil. My experience of jealousy happened so early in my life even before I could speak and implanted itself into my body in such a way that I started to consistently reduce the light that I am just so I never had to experience it again. Feeling this and nominating it just recently has meant that my heart is opening up once again and everyone benefits. It has been inspiring and expanding reading this blog – Thank you Alexis.
I love the honesty you are sharing your reflections of jealousy in your life. It inspires to look deeper, when feelings like this occur. It is a taboo theme, which is ridiculous, because it keeps us in the circle to not move on and take different choices.
“As women we can blame all manner of things for keeping us out of our power, but the biggest factor by far is jealousy from within our own ranks.” This statement is quite bold and would imagine ruffle quite a few feathers. It can be quite easy to look outside of us, to the external influences and go into blame, change, victim mode ( which I have done many times!), but what you are offering us here, is that jealousy from within ourselves and from other women is a key factor that stops women from being in our power. Your blog has stayed with me a lot and I have been tuning into how/when jealously arises in me, and when I can feel it from others. It is a fascinating exercise.
There are certain qualities we know to be true of God, but they are not what we typically live. This discrepancy between what we feel in our heart and the ‘reality’ we play out is uncomfortable and jarring but one we come to tolerate as ‘normal’. You show here Alexis beautifully that there are two different ways for us to live, and that the judgemental, critique and jealousy is just a consequence of being disconnected. Yes it may hard to admit that this is all it is, but how simple the choice is to make it all change.
It’s no small wonder that we are far removed from our sacredness when we have created a life full of jealousy and comparison not realising that we are our own worse enemy when we employ this destructive behaviour to denigrate one another. Your honesty and frankness are very engaging as we so seldom allow ourselves the space to be totally ourselves and build an understanding of our own innate vulnerability. Once I began to understand my own feelings of jealousy and to be supported to see the havoc I was wreaking by trying to deny others their full glory, I could step back and observe and appreciate the reflection I was being offered.
The more I appreciate myself the less I have such thoughts about others. If I do have those thoughts I now use them as an alarm bell to check in with how much I’ve been appreciating me.
I agree Nikki, it’s so important to keep the appreciation going for ourselves. I like how you use those moments of thoughts as an opportunity to check in with your own appreciation, see where there was a gap for those thoughts to come in. A great one to have a go with.
Self-appreciation brings our qualities into being, which seems to illuminate us and bring our true selves to the fore, which in turn then allows us to be able to appreciate the qualities in others, which seems to then bring them more into being. How valuable then is appreciation?
Yes Alexis. Self appreciation naturally extends to others as the qualities are all of ours, so when we appreciate them in ourselves it connects us to those qualities in others, they get to feel their qualities and we get to feel the oneness we are. Beautiful.
Indeed it is Ruth.
I know that I have stopped myself from sharing pieces of good news with some people because I know that I will be faced with the energy of jealousy which feels completely poisonous, especially if they try to cover it up with niceties. It’s gorgeous when someone genuinely feels the joy with you and there is no jealousy in sight.Why feel jealous when you can share a piece of joy!
It is an ongoing process for me to actual allow to feel the jealousy from other people. I realized how much I shut down in the past of feeling this, because it is so painful. But hey, it is nothing personal- you are just a projection wall for others and their undone choices.
You are right. There is no point in holding back. Allowing other people to feel their ‘undone choices’ is actually a healing for them. Who am I to deny them this by holding back?
Allowing ourselves to feel our choice to tone ourselves down because of one or a few people isn’t fun. But in feeling my choices then the hardness and harshness has a chance to clear and heal, the blaming stops and I return to feeling light.
What wonderful honesty that I so relate to all that’s described, the good the bad and the ugly. What’s been eating me today has been me feeling the hard sadness that accompanies the choice to dampen myself down. But when I pause to feel it, not run away, I feel just how delicately beautiful I am. This delicateness I’ve wanted to bury because it fit with the belief that I had to be a certain way to avoid jealousy and be in keeping with the disregard and self loathing the women around me get into. But this isn’t me and how loving I know I am and could express. The pain of suppressing my loveliness and feeling how self abusive it is, is now becoming so great that standing out and being vulnerable for being me I’m willing to do, even if jealousy comes at me.
‘Shows me what kind of a world we create’, agreed Doug, we are indeed creating our world as we go. We collectively shake our heads at the amount of global unrest that abounds in the world, not owning up to the fact that it is our everyday behaviours (such as cutting others down and holding them back), that forms the putrid foundation on which the atrocities of this world can then be laid.
Alexis, this really explains a lot, the subject of jealously is something that is just not spoken about, if growing up we had this understanding this could support us to stay bright and not let the jealously of others squash us. Thank you for writing this, it is much needed.
Jealousy is a force and it’s quite something to be able to see it for what it is, observe it and not to judge (self or another) and too see that whoever is the person being jealous, its not who they are.
I think possibly we all get off on bad news to some extent, the dramas of life are presented for real in the News or as entertainment in TV programmes. We may feel that our lives are better by comparison, but that is not a true measure, what we feel in our bodies is our truth.
I agree Carmel. People tend to focus conversations on the drama, be attracted to watch the drama and gossip and think about the drama – but I wonder why is it so hard for us to not do this and to make life about appreciating, confirming other, embracing and expanding each other. Relationship with self feels very key to the answer.
Drama gives us a very short ‘high’, a moment of activity in our nervous system that serves as a very poor substitute for real feelings of value such as joy and love. The fact is that as most of us have lived without feelings of joy and love for such a long time that we clutch at scraps of feeling anything to fill the void.
Yes, not just not to value ourselves but to belittle others as well.
Belittling others is part of the game to make us feel big when we choose to not be with our deep value. Today I felt a very small but quite potent form of being belittled by another that caused laughs from a group. This wasn’t done to intentionally hurt me but what I shared with the person who was not aware of what was as play – was by simply asking ‘does what I say confirm, appreciate and expand a person or does it not, by contracting or lessening them?’
When I brought it back to this truth it was easy for the other to see what I was sharing.
True Christoph, it brings and understanding as to why we would want to cut and belittle another, because they are valuing and caring for themselves. Appreciation is the antidote to this learning to appreciate what we bring so there is absolutely no need to belittle and cut down others.
In addition to the strong and visible examples that Alexis presents there are many other forms of jealousy or even just reaction when others are expressing love or truth.
Very true Christoph.
“I have come to realise that what I brushed off as ‘normal female jealousy’ was not – it was in fact self-fury.” This is a very exposing realisation and so so very needed for all of us to understand, because if we do and then start to accept it we can step by step tackle and eventually get rid of this very very debilitating and brutal emotion.
“I can see that I was an unadulterated slice of life, an absolutely pure reflection of divinity and now, as I return to that exact same divinity, I am consciously choosing to not cower in the face of jealousy but to stay steady and to shine my light.” These words are so positively beautiful, that I need to repeat them again.
‘I can see that I was an unadulterated slice of life, an absolutely pure reflection of divinity and now, as I return to that exact same divinity, I am consciously choosing to not cower in the face of jealousy but to stay steady and to shine my light.’ – what a blessing for us all, not only to feel the absolute gorgeousness of you, but to be steady in holding our divinity offers a very powerful reflection, inspiring others to know that they too can choose to do the same.
What a phenomenal explanation, the understanding and responsibility rolled into one that brought you out of that reaction to your own created ‘less’. “I took my naturally joyous expansiveness and crammed it into an old shoebox and stuffed it under the bed of life. This I did through my own free will – it was a choice that I made to be less. Then, when in the company of women, who even so much as hinted at being their naturally amazing selves, I went into an internal rage (commonly known as jealousy), knowing that I had chosen to energetically kneecap myself since childhood.”
“Over the years my body has silently catalogued an inordinate amount of times that it has felt a very secretive part of itself skulking down behind its own eyes, holding its breath, whilst it waits to see if a friend is about to share something ‘good’ that was happening to them, or something ‘bad.’ ” What an insidious pattern this is, but strikingly honest, and I love how you have brought this to the fore Alexis. Ive no doubt we have all done it at some stage in our lives, and probably more than once.
That’s so true Susan – when women support and celebrate each other, the ripple effects are stupendous.
But we can only allow this if we have developed a foundation of celebrating ourselves first – from the rekindling of our inner most connection with who we truly are. When we do this, we can’t but celebrate and comparison just doesn’t have the opening it otherwise has.
The wisdom to be honest about jealousy is a path of great development.
An important topic, just reading about these open sharings on jealousy, I can feel my body deepening its honesty.
Totally. We can never change anything if we are not first choosing to be aware of it.
Hear hear – clear and to the point.
It is just so great to know where jealousy comes from and be aware and all over it if it starts to rise its ugly head. I would never had openly admitted that I was jealous, before understanding that it was all about self fury, simply because I didn’t understand it or know where it was coming from. It would always come with a certain amount of shame as well for feeling jealousy, never felt nice.
Great sharing kevmchardy. I can totally relate and in the past I numbed myself from feeling jealousy because I didn’t want to deal with what was happening or take responsibility for it. But now, I recognise jealousy and I am not afraid to nominate it for what it is and to let go, not beating myself up or take the attacks of jealousy personally.
It’s a blessing to no longer wish I was someone else and simply appreciate and accept myself as I am.
Absolutely, and making the choices we already know are next for us to do. Then we don´t have to envy the other persons who does take the steps, we are avoiding.
Lovely – I can fully relate to that too as I used to wish also being like this person because of that or being like that person because of this … It’s funny that on social media often there appears an image that says ‘ don’t be like this, be like …’ whatever then is put there, all to stop people being themselves in their essence.
It is in our ‘amness’ that we find our glory.
So well said Kehinde. I used to be in so much emptiness that I would look out and wish that I could be anyone but me – problem was I also knew underneath that everyone else I looked to and wished I could be a bit more like also had issues with themselves too. The truth is the lack of self-worth stemmed from the compromises I had made to fit in and in that I doubted myself and was very unsure, which was compounded by every feeling left unexpressed and every compromise made. To be in a place now where I can not only say that I appreciate myself but love myself too is a massive turn around. I have let go of the pictures of being perfect and recognise what special flavour I bring just by being me, allowing for a truer form of expression. A blessing indeed!
I can relate to this Michelle, without feelings of self worth, we compromise and diminish ourselves in many ways to fit in and please others. Looking out instead of inwards distracts us from feeling our own exquisiteness and embracing all that we bring and offer humanity. The flavour you bring Michelle is gorgeous and we are blessed by your beauty and presence.
Thank you for this beautiful confirmation Kehinde.
What is so sad is that we have got so used to jealousy that we accept is as a normal part of life. It is an ugly energy that distorts our true beauty, but the more we expose it the weaker it becomes. Taking responsibility for our choices and accepting the consequences of such fast tracks our ability to shut the door on this poisonous emotion.
And when we actually consider that we have accepted jealousy as normal – I can even say that it is so normal that before I became aware of the energy of it that I didn’t even question it. There is much that is untrue to our natural state that plays out in the world and it all starts with us just being aware of what belongs to our inner-most and that which doesn’t. And to do this I’ve found that the more I deeply connect with myself, feel my inner quality then it is easy to see what does and does not belong – from movement to foods to interactions and even the way people are with us in relationships.
It is a sad reflection of where we’re at as women to say that we have gone one step further than accepting jealousy as normal, it is something that we actively seek and encourage. Many womens magazines (and we do have to pause on the word ‘women’s’) focus on cutting women down. Gleeful photos of ‘stars without makeup’ or plastic surgery blunders are regular features in the magazines that we , as women love to buy. There’s nothing better than a picture of a beautiful woman who has piled on the weight or split up with her boyfriend. So many of us sighed a sigh of relief when Angelina Jolie split up with brad Pitt because for a woman to have looks, money, do charity work and have Brad Pitt as a husband made too many of us way too uncomfortable.
Well said Rowena, and when we then step into appreciation of ourselves we can bring that appreciation equally so to others and jealousy has no place anymore.
It is interesting how we make ourselves small because we don’t like to feel the jealousy of others and then get jealous of others who don’t submit themselves to this game to put them under more pressure… Not such an innocent game is it? It is just that we are collectively choosing to not see this is what is going on that we can be fooled to play this game.
I too have had those thoughts of not wanting another to evolve, what I am endeavoring to embody is that these are not my thoughts that they are being feed to me but I am responsible for how I allowed these thoughts in. And if you consider the fact that if the other evolves they can pull you up, then you can see the game the spirit is playing with these dumb thoughts of wanting the worse for another.
Thank you Alexis for being brave enough to put into words what a lot of us I am sure have felt to some degree at different times in our lives. To admit the truth is freeing .
Love the honesty and transparency you bring here Alexis. I’m sure everyone has felt this but no-one ever wants to admit it because its ‘not nice’ and we ‘shouldn’t think these thoughts’…but we all do! Great to bring it out in the open – warts and all as they say – and begin a very much needed conversation.
Jealousy is exposed here for the very ugly and selfish force it is.
Knowing the damage that jealousy does, I do my very best to nominate it as soon as I feel it, either from another or from myself.
Thank you Alexis for a very honest and powerful blog, which has given me much to ponder on given that during most of my life i have kept myself hidden from women, not wanting to be part of the nastiness and comparisons that went on with them, i found hanging around with men much easier to cope with. Since joining Universal Medicine and gradually bringing self love into my life I am opening up to let women into my life, as i take my place as a women among them, not as more or less but as an equal I am appreciating the gorgeous qualities they bring in their womanliness.
Yes, every now and then I have felt the start of those feelings of jealousy or comparison with another woman when she has been sharing about what has transpired for them and felt this insidious and very creepy feeling coming over me, and then clocked it and nominated what I was choosing and then have been able to feel truth and come back to me at that time. It’s like you become a jekyll and hyde in those moments and can’t feel love.
It very cool to be talking so openly about jealousy and accepting how widely spread it is as it’s allowing the opportunity to peel back the layers even further. I realise that my jealousy has often been around wealth, coming from a false belief that if I had x, y and even z, then my life would be amazing. Thanks to the teachings of Universal Medicine, I realise how ridiculous this is, my emptiness has always been from missing me. What I have actually been craving is the connection with and return to my amazingly gorgeous self and no bauble in the world can ever compare with the exquisiteness of feeling the enormous love that we all hold inside and sharing that will everyone.
It’s interesting to reflect on where jealousy comes up in our own lives. Mine is observing the relationships of others. So with that what I have observed is how much am I appreciating the relationships I have, without having any expectations or pictures of what it should look like. But it is also appreciating what each relationship is offering me – or more so what we are offering each other. However its all about learning and being open to what is being presented.
What a great expose of the insidious energy that has run us all at some point. You have beautifully brought up the responsibility we hold within to close the doors where this energy can dwell.
There is so much evolution in what you are sharing – and the timing of your post is divine. I’m allowing myself to discover the gut is assimilating all the un-loving thoughts and it is gut wrenching for sure. This is the first time I’m connecting the fact that the thoughts I put out to the world around comparison are stimulated, suppressed and played out in my gut. There is more to discover here as the nervous system plays a role. However when I started reading this wonderful blog I could feel a direct reaction in my body, which is a very appreciated sign of what I’m truly hanging onto.
When I used to get jealous of others I am not sure I clocked it as such, simply dismissed it as me not liking someone very much! Now if this feeling ever occurs I am quick to clock it for what it is and have found that by understanding what jealousy really is – namely my reaction to not having made the choices that are being reflected back to me – I can then begin to appreciate the person in front of me and I find that the jealousy simply evaporates.
Super blog Alexis, one that I’m sure everyone can relate to. Jealousy and comparison is allowed to fester and remain because we see it as being so bad and awful that we don’t dare admit it to each other. Getting underneath it and seeing the truth of what is actually going on, which is our own self-fury allows for healing and evolution for all involved. I love the humorous way you deliver on such a societal taboo topic, pulling the tendrils of judgement apart and exposing the truth…. beautiful.
If we were to appreciate and support one another instead of expending such energy to outdo, undermine, compete and compare, we will all be in the joy and activity of love and true brotherhood.
So true Deborah imagine the evolution for all evolved.
I am not always aware of jealousy, it can be a very subtle thing, but possibly my choosing not to wear make up and dulling down the way I dressed was one way of avoiding competition.
Powerfully honest Alexis, offering us all an opportunity to unearth something that lurks beneath the surface for all of us at times.
We can’t help it, as humans we do it, however it is great to get a deeper insight into our motivations. So that we can let this behavior go as not serving us or humanity.
Yes agree Irena, not only does it not serve, but when it goes un-acknowledged it can be very harmful for the one in denial, and for the recipient of any thoughts or actions that arise from it. It is probably our greatest hindrance as mankind… so definitely a big one to bring out of the closet.
Steadiness is an understated quality. It is established through a consistency of care, love and respect towards ourselves first and foremost and then all others.
This is a good point – becoming aware of how and when we are jealous or envious is a great way to find out about ourselves.
A beautifully honest and powerful blog Alexis, thank you for going there. What you present is very relatable and inspiring of the choice we can make to not dim ourselves and bring understanding to jealousy without letting it govern our behaviours and relationships.
I really dislike that momentary physical stab in the gut, it feels uncontrollable, but the truth is we have chosen it. It is a horrid force that comes through us and when it is written down, in the cold light of day Alexis, it feels even worse. But exposing this is happening between women calls it and gets it out into the open, so we can make different choices and celebrate each other.
What if in the moments our mind was occupied with comparison, judgement, self criticism and fury we could be observing the way in which others choose to live and LEARN from this. We have every opportunity to take inspiration from those who are evolving and making huge contributions to society, rather than compare.
Shifting our patterns of behaviour like jealousy and comparison can be neigh on impossible if we don’t have a true understanding of what lies beneath them. Knowing that these come with self-fury of bad choices made, makes the road to clearing them a much easier path.
Self fury, jealously, comparison and more shown here for what they really are with a simple honesty and understanding that is very refreshing and inspiring to look at and understand for ourselves all that we are in fact doing to not shine out and be all we are as beautiful woman today.
My experience is that if I have been making good choices for myself there is no jealousy when someone else tells me of something wonderful. I am free to feel appreciation for them and to be inspired.
Alexis, reading this I can feel how it is so ‘common’ in society that we have jealousy and other such emotions such as frustration, disappointment and anger and that if we don’t call these out as not being a part of who we are and that we do not need to live with these then they do become a very harmful part of our lives; ‘By brushing off these feelings as ‘normal,’ I allowed them to play both a major and a crippling role in my life’.
Your blog Alexis is written without any judgement or self-criticism, but with a deep understanding of how jealously can affect us all. We think that jealousy and comparison can remain within our thoughts and are not harming, but they can be felt because our movements and gestures give us away. We cannot really hide jealousy, we can only deny it, but we have become masters at this, whether receiving it or giving it..
The level of self-awareness in this blog is so very healing. I can feel it ‘dislodging’ some deeply rooted patterns in me, which whilst it feels unsettling, is also necessary. It seems we must accept that there will be times of discomfort and unsettlement as we become more aware.
A secret poll would tell you that everyone has had those feelings, and could tell how they have separated us from the other person, and also applied the judgement on ourselves while we beat ourselves up. Its ugly and misunderstood and that is why the blog offers such gold – bringing it to the fore.
It is so amazing to be able to build relationships with other women free of jealously and comparison, but takes a great deal of self honesty to really extinguish the self-hatred and self-fury that feeds these noxious emotions. Seeing where and how we have compromised our selves is a huge part of the healing, acknowledging that we too have all the same potential to be what we are reacting to in another. Our power and responsibility is enormous and there is much we can achieve when we really choose to apply our selves.
On the Tube in London, it is an unwritten rule that is often written about, that you avoid eye contact and engaging in speaking is not allowed with anyone. I observed a, very well dressed women set across from me give the Look to another well-dressed woman sitting next to me and was fascinated with the women across from me and her eye movements. She could have been a crime scene investigator; shoes, nails, hair, make-up, jewellery, bag and on and on. The second women was reading, and since eye contact is not allowed, the first women could have written a book with the evaluation she had just performed. I could almost detect the glint of green in the corner of her eye at times and then moments of smugness. All of this from just a (long) look.
Comparison is such an evil thing, once I was able to understand that there was absolutely so reason to compare ourselves to others the pangs of jealousy that crept in had to creep somewhere else. The Way of the Livingness has helped me no end understanding many things in life and it is essential to understand why we are jealous of another if we are to move on.
We look sideways and compare, lest we look deep within and see the absolute beauty we are, reflected in the eyes of another.
The problem is indeed that we tend to cower in the face of jealousy when we are about to fly because we are so used to dim our light and play less as a pattern we have been familiar with as from a young age. Stepping out of this pattern in the only way and truly see jealousy in the eyes and see that it is just a way to keep each other small and to not live the light that in all of us is shining so brightly.
It is so inspiring to read such honest words about jealousy Alexis! Thank you so much for being so clear and open about your own experience as it showed that it is only our own choice to chose a different way to be with ourselves.
I have found to truly understand what comparison and jealousy feels like means I can be more aware of it, not just brush it aside, and pretend it didn’t happen or feel ashamed about it. By allowing myself to feel what I feel, be honest with myself and nominate what I felt is hugely supportive. I now know by staying connected to my essence and to appreciate myself and others, these feelings will not arise. But when they do, I know how to let them go and dissipate the hold and heaviness comparison and jealousy brings.
I have felt these sneaky little elations popping up even when I’m alone with my thoughts, thinking of situations and or people… these feelings may not be so outwardly obvious any more but they are still there, hidden in little corners of our lives, needing to be exposed for the lack of love, lack of self-worth and true brotherhood they are.
If we deeply appreciate ourselves then we will also truly appreciate others… and so there is no need to compare or compete – only appreciate.
“for most of my life I have been aware that when certain people have shared something good that has happened to them, I have felt disappointed – and when they have shared something bad that has happened to them, I have felt mildly elated.” – the downfall of one person leads to the downfall of another and us all. The puke of putrid comparison and why it is that we even consume it when we know its taste is so devastatingly vile.
It is a very sad state of affairs if we should ever take delight in the hurt or harm of another – a huge wake up call to question to what has got into us, because nobody in connection to their heart would ever wish such a thing and yet this is the “normal” state of so many.
How often do we go around imagining that other people and circumstances are to blame for our experience? Great revelation that when we are feeling discomfort in relation to someone or some situation, it is “our body’s way of drawing our attention to a choice that we are making that is neither loving nor harmonious”.
Brilliant Alexis, love the honesty and the hi beam focus on what exactly jealousy is and how it absolutely cripples us and we in turn cripple others … it’s a bad rash we pass around and until we stop and see it for the scourge it is we’re ham-strung and not who we are; and we miss that ‘potential evolutionary power’ in ourselves and all others. It takes real courage to be honest about this, to speak of this, and it’s great you have and we are, it’s how we untangle this nasty web we’re woven and come back to the beauty of who we all are.
Comparison is a very twisted and divisive place to be, we only see what we want to see, we tell ourselves stories to make excuses for how we are feeling, rather than choosing to take responsibility for our selves and the way we are choosing to live.
As soon as we step into comparison, we are saying that we know absolutely everything there is to know about the other person not only in this life, but in every life they have ever lived, all their struggles and sacrifices to be where they are today. Of course, we can never be anywhere close to knowing this, therefore, in truth, we have no business to ever even think of comparing ourselves with anyone else.
Powerful – it is all in our own hands – no one takes our power away : only we can use or not use it! Hence all the other illusions are rocked out of this world. Simply taking it back to our responsibility that is to live our power – that is our future.
Jealousy in such a forceful energy which clouds us from seeing our own amazing potential – it has to be so strong because the inspiration and magnetic pull of another in their amazingness is very powerful and gets us to work together – we have a long history of avoiding the power of unification.
If we could see jealousy in action, we would see an energetic scythe splicing and dicing it’s way through everything that is naturally abundant in people.
I think this is a great sharing as its one of those things that people rarely talk about but it is so present in our day to day lives. We are constantly clocking the choices of others, how they look, what they wear etc.
And then we judge and can often either critique them, ourselves or both- it is a force that totally destroys relationships. It can be hard to shift this but as you share, being open to seeing it is one of the first steps.
“Looking back, I have had a surprising level of awareness around these feelings of comparison and jealousy but my awareness was never enough to actually shift them.” its amazing that we know this is true, that we feel this but we don’t actually truly stop to heal what is behind it… until meeting Serge Benhayon I accepted it as normal.
Awareness is an essential component to change but awareness by itself is not enough to shift a behaviour. This afternoon I was acutely aware that I was about to do something that had it’s roots in comparison and yet, despite my awareness I did it anyway. What I do, however recognise is that when we combine awareness with conscious movement, then this is a powerful combination that is able to shift ingrained behaviours. Although I chose to move in a way that was part of an old pattern of comparison, I can feel that my awareness and dedication to move my way out of it next time, has loosened it’s grip and that it is a way of being that is on it’s way out.
I feel we need it out in the open as there can be so much reaction and judgement attached to jealousy – both on ourselves and others. We need to disempower its effects on relationships and how we view ourselves as much as possible, whilst we take steps to live from our essence as fully and responsibly as we can.
It’s interesting, I had the opportunity to share with a sibling this afternoon that I had had feelings of comparison come up recently and although I did share this with them, getting the words out of my body was a struggle, it’s almost as if there’s an inbuilt part of comparison that works hard to keep itself purposefully hidden.
Hear, hear! Thank you Alexis for your absolute honesty, these are the conversations we need to have instead of pretending it’s not going on and letting it fester and spread more deeply. I still struggle with jealousy coming towards me and my own towards others – both are super poisonous for all involved. If I do let jealousy of another get to me and reduce myself I then experience more jealousy towards others. It’s a terrible thing we do to one another, however as you say it’s a learning process to hold and continue to shine our light despite others reactions.
Such clarity and awareness that you recall that moment when you were 8 and felt the energy of jealousy in your body. And yet you continued. It reminds me of when I first started smoking, the first smoke was awful in my body, but yet I continued. We all can feel the tension of not living our truth, and I thank God for Serge Benhayon for shining a light on the truth of humanity and offering a way forth.
We rarely acknowledge these feelings of comparison and jealousy but they run under so much of our interactions if we make ourselves less in any way. That low self-worth can be masked by over-confidence so often it is worth just sitting with a blog like this and then observing our own body in the interactions we have before we blindly say it doesn’t apply to us. The challenge is being aware that we are harming ourselves as well as others and that is the gift you are offering us here. It is a piece of medicine.
Wow Alexis – this is first time I have seen and felt a discussion on the green eyed monster that gets directly to the core of where and how this insidious pattern of behaviour starts and can equally end. Thank you for the loving light on this essential life lesson.
Indeed Sandra, jealousy is like a green eyed monster we have created to keep us small but if we can see its insidiousness we can let it go and return to a way of being where we can shine once again that bright light we all hold.
Yes, we cause and experience a lot of pain through jealousy and it shapes our behaviour.
and in turn our perspective and reactions to life.
This is a very brave article and hits at the heart of many interactions we have between people. It’s great to see the relationship between what we choose to do to ourselves and how this then plays out in every other relationship and only when we heal this part does it then heal in the others. Jealousy is a huge one and to have it exposed like this will support many of us to see it differently and see it for what it is.
Not only does the blog expose what we don’t want to see, but it equally shines a light on how to live a different way.
Great point and this is the healing, not only the exposure but the ‘new’ way to walk thereafter. It’s one thing to bring things up and another to walk them off and this is a key and important part otherwise you will simply walk yourself back to the same spot.
Absolutely – comparison and jealousy it is rife and insidious and essentially present in most interactions in life. We need to examine this behaviour closely and take full responsibility for our part in this, in order to do away with all that stands in the way of true love and brotherhood once and for all.
The article is not only leading us out to see more of how jealousy comes about and is in our daily lives but also leads us back to see that jealousy is born at home, it’s in how we interact and move that is the key. While it maybe a part of life it only exists because we allow it, we allow it to play out within ourselves first which then brings it to all else. Heal jealousy within ourselves and we offer the same to everything we touch thereafter.
I agree – this article sheds a light on the often hidden and taboo topic of jelousy and exposes it not as something innately ugly and evil about us, but as simply a resulting reaction to life when we feel a lack in ourselves, do not have our own foundation of self worth and have not been raised to see the vaule in building others rather than wanting to bring them down.
As the article exposes jealousy is a behaviour that we choose and isn’t how we naturally are, it’s something we bring into our way of being rather then it being who we truly are. It maybe a slight variation but if we were to truly interact and move within the world then this behaviour would not be a part of the mix and this shows us it comes through us and not from us. So to track jealousy we can nominate the behaviour and then bring awareness to the movements, it’s a simple recipe.
Tall poppy syndrome – the tendency we have in life to cut down those who stand up/stand out and in doing so expose where we have been. It can be a uncomfortable thing to admit, but if we get the honesty out in the open we can begin to start building each other up and feeling true joy at seeing another advance or grow, even if we are not making equal choices.
A topic that is far too little talked about and mistakingly accepted as a normal part of life.
Wow, what a sucess story you are Alexis having restored yourself back to your natural joy.
Abby, I feel it’s important to share that jealousy and comparison are still things that I feel in my body, even though I have so much awareness around them.
When we take and exhaust all the opportunities life gives to us, with grace and humility for who we are and what we are a-part of, then there is no need to let jealousy enter the body because what we see in someone else’s evolution just makes sense and inspires us further.
I have felt what you shared in you opening sentence a lot: like people loved it when I shared something didn’t go so well and didn’t like me sharing when things went really well. I used this in the past to make sure I always had a ‘drama’ story ready to get at least accepted and often attention. It also gave ‘legs’ to my own feelings of jealousy towards others when they didn’t hold back and shared their amazingness.
There are so many things like jealousy and comparison that we say, that comes with being human, or that’s just who we are. I have even heard some say, it’s healthy to have a little envy around others. I don’t think so, how can measuring yourself against another for some reason or other that the mind comes up with, be healthy for a body that so beautifully knows how to be and work with love, joy, tenderness and harmony, and is working totally against itself to uphold the other?
Alexis, I shared your blog with a member of my family and we discussed about the ways we use jealousy and how it affects our relationship with others. Comparison and jealousy comes in so many subtle ways, it is great to expose it and free ourselves from its poison and nurture ourselves to be who we are.
Yes Chan Ly, seeing jealousy and comparison for what it is without judgement allows us to see it in ourselves and so work on letting it go.
I ask myself the question: Who do I think I am? When I honestly answer without holding back, this is then the answer I have for everyone else. We are born to be grand, everyone of us.
Comparison and jealousy are insidious as they sneakily weave through us and, when not clocked, can take hold so that they become part of our normal everyday expression. How great it is to get to the nub of the issue to realise it stems from self-fury of having made decisions that weren’t in our best interests… from this much can change!
Lovely to feel how as you peel off your protective layers you are again shining out as ‘an unadulterated slice of life, an absolutely pure reflection of divinity’ and standing tall as a beacon to others. Inspiring Alexis and testament to the fact that you have been prepared to expose your self-fury and appreciate and confirm your glorious beauty.
Thanks Helen, it’s a great line you have shared here, to be “prepared to expose your self-fury and appreciate and confirm your glorious beauty.” Appreciation and confirmation are a key part to healing jealousy, alongside the honesty.
I feel so much resistance to connecting with this blog – a sure sign that it is exposing something deeply true. I thought I had dealt with jealousy in my life – and it is true that on a gross level, I don’t experience it any more. But what this blog is revealing is that it is very much still there and alive on a more subtle level. Thank you Alexis for sharing your wisdom here – it offers the opportunity for deeper self-awareness and therefore healing.
I love your honesty Richard. I am learning that jealousy comes in many disguises, it can come across as being very nice, friendly, caring and even good but once we are open to reading the energy behind every expression we can feel the truth of what has been expressed. I have found jealousy comes through myself and people I know fairly often and by understanding what jealousy is makes it less personal.
I’ve done a lot of being nice in my life but now it is clear to me that this was just a mask I was presenting to the world to cover for what I was truly feeling. As I become more able to read the energy of such things I see how common this is. Today being nice does not feel nice at all but is in fact a betrayal of what I am truly feeling.
Richard, I too spent many years being nice. I combined being nice with always praising others and at the same time playing myself down. This rather unsavoury oily mix that was a way of being that I employed in order to protect myself from being hurt by others, because let’s face it, who’s going to attack someone who’s being nice? It took me a while to truly see the harm that I was doing by living in a way that had not an ounce of truth in it. Niceness is energetic pollution.
I’ve experienced the same thing Chan and Richard, it’s going on quite a lot. It can be made harder to deal with if there are beliefs or pictures that certain people, perhaps family, partners, kids or friends etc, shouldn’t be jealous, instead of as you say not taking it personally Chan. If we understand the bigger picture of evolution and what jealousy is truly signifying we can at least for ourselves begin making the steps we have refused in the past that we now see another making that creates the jealousy. The gift of being the fullness of ourselves can only be given by ourselves.
That’s a life and evolution changer to understand what jealousy is, “it was self-fury centred purely around the potential evolutionary power that I could feel in another.” Therefore when we know this, rather than aim our self-fury out at another, with understanding we can instead be inspired to be more.
Jealousy is NOT normal and it will not be until we collectively say NO to just midly accepting it as part and parcel of human life and that we can in fact choose to live something far far grander that it will no longer be part of common relationship and interaction.
It is utter poison how we live in contraction and then feel fury towards those who do not. Another unspoken jealousy is what most parents feel towards their children. How that one plays out is particularly pernicious and unpleasant. Bringing the understanding of the self fury is key and not self bashing but accepting the path we have trodden and choosing to live otherwise.
We don’t like to feel the results of our choices and can turn our feelings of discomfort into blaming or judging other people.
Thank you Alexis for your honesty and sharing your experience of jealousy, exposing jealousy as self fury and how it can play out and manifest in our lives. It can seem direct and then as subtle undertones but it is all the same energy which is not from the essence of who we are.
Trying to bury jealousy and comparison doesn’t touch the surface of it’s affects; for example when we bite down our tongue in jealousy or get frustrated/stiff (which is actually towards ourselves more than the other person) it introduces a huge ‘harshness’ to our body that can be easily spotted across a room.
When we see it as a frustration at ourselves I feel this gives us a chance to take a step back, be honest and really feel what is going on. Even though it may not feel nice and feel really uncomfortable for us at the time it is the only way we can truly heal jealousy or comparison otherwise we just remain in it.
It is certainly an emotion that needs outing, as it is a poison that wrecks our bodies and our relationships. I always thought that I didn’t do jealously, but its expression is very sneaky. I realised one day that I was feeling jealous of someone and the way I was doing that was through comparison. It was a shock but woke me up to the realisation that everything they had I too could have achieved had I made the same choices. It was a powerful moment in exposing the stealth of the jealousy and appreciating my own power and responsibility in my life.
Wow! A powerful revelation to bring to light about self-fury Alexis – it makes sense of the fury that can be experienced in some reactions.
“it was self-fury centred purely around the potential evolutionary power that I could feel in another”.
As a child we are rarely, if ever, given support to deal with “the vile jealousy (self-fury) of other girls who had already made the choice to dim their natural light” as the vast majority of adults have not mastered that either. Through the presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine we have been given the understanding of this ‘self-fury’ and can now reclaim our divinity, shine our light and support others similarly.
Through your honesty we all get a healing and an opportunity to reflect on our own relationship with these two poisonous emotions.
“I took my naturally joyous expansiveness and crammed it into an old shoebox and stuffed it under the bed of life.” Ouch! So many of us do this? And then it is inevitable that we will be jealous of others who do not do this. We set ourselves up.
This is a powerful and long overdue conversation to have and thank you for bringing to the fore with such openness and honesty. Rarely has jealousy and comparison been dissected in this way and connected back to an actual feeling in the body. Do we wish well of others or secretly feel elated when they stumble or fall – ouch! As Serge Benhayon has said, ‘The body is the marker of all truth’.
Thank you Alexis, this is such a powerful exposé of what jealousy and comparison are actually about – “it was self-fury centred purely around the potential evolutionary power that I could feel in another. And the reason why this evolutionary power that I could feel in another made me so furious was because I have subjugated myself since the age of about 8”.
Alexis, I love your honesty and openness with this; ‘when certain people have shared something good that has happened to them, I have felt disappointed – and when they have shared something bad that has happened to them, I have felt mildly elated’, I too have had these feelings but would have found it hard to admit this and to voice it. It feels truly supportive and evolving if we as women can be this honest and open about jealously.
If we brush jealousy off as normal or deny to even see that we’re going into it or reacting to it from another then we negate giving ourselves the opportunity to truly see what’s going on and be clear about how we ourselves want to be with others in life – the quality that we express with (regardless of whether we are speaking or not).
Yes, we are all equal, we all have the same potential to be the divine beings that we all are, therefore, our self-fury comes from feeling the loving choices in another that we have not been prepared to make for our gorgeous selves.
Thank you, dear Alexis, it’s blogs such as this that ask us to ‘get real’ with each other, to drop the charade and be honest about what’s really going on in the games we can play, and instead, allow the love that we are to shine through.
This is a real eye opener. I’m very familiar with the ‘stabbing feeling’ that accompanies news of someone I know taking evolutionary steps that I refuse to take. You remind me that these are moments to appreciate as they give us an opportunity to see the consequences of our actions and make new choices.
Wow, I have only very recently been introduced to the notion of ‘self-fury’; and that was connected to comparison. It dropped like a lead weight as I realised that the anger I was directing at another for not choosing to be doing the same as I, had turned a joyful task into a bitter one which I had laced with comparison and loathing. I am now working on this and taking responsibility for enjoying my own chosen tasks. By concentrating on my enjoyment and appreciating my own reward with a job well done I am filling myself up with my own appreciation, which will leave less room for comparison.
Jealousy, on the other hand, is an uncomfortable beast that I am currently struggling to understand.
Your honesty here Alexis paths the way for us all to get a bit more honest with jealousy and comparison, for the only way we will get to the bottom of anything is to look at the truth of the matter.
I agree Kebmchardy, I love Alexis’ honesty and she invites us to go there to unravel some of the things we may have overlooked or brushed aside. Honesty supports us to leave no stones unturned, leaves us open, vulnerable and approachable.
Absolutely stunning blog Alexis, you have masterfully outlined what happens for women, I daresay all women at some time or another, if not with great regularity as you shared for yourself. I can certainly relate and have been through a similar journey to the one you describe. Today whenever those ugly feelings are triggered I ask myself instantly what it is that woman is reflecting that I have refused to develop or allow in myself. It is always a no-brainer, and immediately takes that feeling away and leaves me with the choice to address it, or continue on as I was.
Jennifer I feel that there is something so valuable in the very clear steps that you have outlined in how you deal with jealousy and comparison when they come up. I still am dealing with jealousy and comparison from myself to others and am inspired by what you have shared to delve a little deeper into the detail, when next the feelings arise, so thank you.
Yes nominating the exact thing that’s triggering the feelings is the key for me… once l’ve done that, the feelings are appeased and it becomes about what l’m choosing then. If I let the feelings sit there l’ll start entertaining negative thoughts… usually about the person who has triggered them. In the past this would feel relieving, l’d find a ‘fault’ in them and hone in on that, somehow convincing myself that this muddied the reflection of whatever it was that was exposing me. Having recognised that whole pattern this doesn’t feel relieving anymore as I know what l’m doing… hence bringing it back to what my choices are and what it is that another has chosen for themselves that I could also.
“My Evolution as a Woman” – our evolution is as simple as being straight forward honest, and then deepening that honesty – thank you for yours here Alexis; you make it always so real-life that it brings us all round and focused.
How pervading this ill is throughout society – an undercurrent that is accepted as a standard for relating when all the while, it seeks to destruct, undermine and pin another and never to behold, appreciate and Love.
It is so true we are in self-fury when we allow jealousy and comparison. I know when I have felt these I’m also very aware of how I could be in the very same place as another only I haven’t made the same choices – and I know deep down I very easily could have… it has been my stubbornness to stay put and that is what infuriates me about myself… however… there is always opportunity to change, to make new choices.
I love your honesty Alexis – you inspire and show how easy it is to be this honest, and in that how healing and liberating it can be.
There’s a lot of silent sweating that goes on when we don’t disclose things, once those things are out on the table, then the body is able to sigh a sign of relief.
It frees up so much energy and our natural joy and vitality bloom – rather than wilting under pressure.
When one person such as yourself Alexis puts it out there on the table, as you have done, it open things up for others to too, to feel they can share what they feel and experience.
Yes, Alexis and hardness, resentment, bitterness, and blame! Simply nominating what I am feeling under the surface without necessarily getting to any resolution of it allows for more space to be created in the body and the beginnings of letting something go! A sigh of relief indeed!
Thank you Alexis for your honesty and the insights you share. For our collective evolution it is wise to look at our reactions, such as jealousy and comparison with each other and to appreciate when one ‘flies,’ it offers us the inspiration to do the same. This is one way we can support each other, and the power when we work is together expands all.
Amazingly honest. I have definitely had experiences of feeling ‘let down’ when someone else has had good things happen to them. I noticed it when I was depressed, and had a friend who was going through a similar thing. We both fed off eachothers misery if you like, and if things started to look up for one, the other would always feel left behind. It’s so interesting how insidious it is.
It’s interesting to observe how that deflated feeling leaves us and others feeling. I’ve felt it in myself, and I’ve felt it in others, too – a flat, air-being-let-out-of-the-balloon kind of feeling. When I feel it myself I then feel heavy and slip into negative thoughts. Catching it by observation, and saying no, that’s not me, pulls me out of it, and so does making appreciation a part of my life. When I feel full of appreciation for myself, I’m then 100% on board, fully able to appreciate another and all that is unfolding for them.
I’ve done this with a friend also, to the point that if something good was beginning to manifest in my life I would feel like hiding it from my friend as I knew she would project jealousy hate towards me ,for experiencing it. I have always known this about her but I have always made the effort to remain her friend, regardless-that is what feels more interesting to note about myself. Why would I choose to stay around this energy being perpetually projected at me. You blog brings to light an interesting awareness for more when you say,”By allowing myself the space to understand why I would choose to live in such a diminished way, I have come to understand that I was intent on avoiding the vile jealousy (self-fury) of other girls who had already made the choice to dim their natural light.”
Thank you Alexis. The beautiful thing about not being jealous is how it gives another person the space to not be jealous too.
“Biting our tongue” has become a way of life that serves no one as everyone is affected, but some-how it has become a normal way of existing or our first goto instead of expressing the Truth. We have all cowered to “who the %#@! does she think she is?” as those around us try to make us feel lesser than. Could it be that living in a way that supports us being lesser than the Truth of who we are has become so normal we all live that level of lying and consider it normal? “And the reason why this evolutionary power that I could feel in another made me so furious was because I have subjugated myself since the age of about 8.” Could it be we all dilute our natural way to fit into society at around 8 so what the %#@! Is going on? Maybe we have so much to offer that our “naturally joyous expansiveness and crammed it into an old shoebox and stuffed it under the bed of life,” so we all have different sized boxes and its time to expose the lies that are held within! Seeing everything is energy, and “energetically” we are all naturally “joyous, Loving, Harmonious” so thus returning “to that exact same divinity” is possible if we “consciously choosing to not cower in the face of jealousy but to stay steady and to shine my light!” Thank you Alexis, for exposing the lies that we live if our life is not full of Love.
Not appreciating the depth of who we are leads to a lack of self worth, which leads to us comparing ourselves to others, which is the only opening required for the force of jealousy to enter and annihilate any semblance of the Soul’s light being lived. And although this force is more destructive than any other on planet Earth, it has no power over us if we do not play ball with it. No force, no matter how seemingly strong it may well appear to be, can make us contract away from the love that we are without us first giving it permission to do so. Therefore the way we play ball with this evil is by aligning first with its vibration through our chosen contraction (lessening ourselves) and from here it enters to have it ‘wicked way’. Thus, true appreciation of self and all others is the only way to rebuild ourselves and dissolve the hold such darkness has had over us, so that we stand once more in the light of who we truly are.
There are some great audios and quotes on jealousy here: http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-jealousy.html
The self fury and jealously of others we feel at not making loving choices is also an attack on ourselves which further delays and buries the issue. Thank you for exposing the truth of this process.
Ah yes – exposing ‘the beast’. Not many venture into its lair for the walls are lined with mirrors through which you see in full all the many distortions that you have lived that mask the full glow of your true and glorious self. If you can hold steady by virtue of the great humbleness and honesty required for this ‘slaying’ (it is a dissolution of ‘self’) the process is well worth it, for such a beast has no place in the Kingdom of our hearts.
Brilliantly honest and a callout for me Alexis Stewart! I can so relate to what you have shared and can feel the little girl who left her self behind to hanker after the bright lights of illusion! The antidote for jealousy can only be connecting with my/our own equality and living fully from the bottomless well of divinity that we already are. Top blog – the toppest!
Powerful blog in its delivery and sheer honesty and invites us to look at the green eyed monster of jealousy and comparison and are we still allowing these to rule our lives?
Uncomfortable reading but necessary. These emotions we hide from even ourselves are deeply divisive.
Wow I love your honesty
Love how you have described ‘crammed it into an old shoebox and stuffed it under the bed of life’ I too remember reducing myself to fit into what was acceptable to the people around me and still, to this very day, have not expanded fully back to the angel of light that I naturally am.
What a corker of an article. I have heard many comments that women feel more comfortable around men than women, or wonder why women are so bitchy towards each other….this article lays it all out on the table for all of to see – bravely written by you. I don’t think there would be a woman alive that has not experienced what you write about, Alexis.
Alexis I’m one of the people that felt that way, more so around something that happens to someone that is not so great as it would make me feel better.. like I was living my life based on other people and not based on what was going on for me. As I have gone deeper with my care for myself it has change how I feel about other people and allowed me to be far less judgemental and jealous.
This is a break-through blog for women to read. So often we surpass jealousy as ‘normal’ but is it? And actually – as you say .- isn’t it reflective of our own self-worth stuff? It is great to read this and see what is behind these surface feelings, as it supports women to truly look at healing any feelings of feeling less.
Alexis, once again you have so clearly and honestly broken down the undercurrents of society that we are feeling yet so often don’t speak about. We all have our part in breaking this cycle of silent abuse that is designed to keep us all small and powerless.
Jealousy is like being whipped – we can feel it coming at us, we can feel it coming from us, and we cower and contort ourselves so as not to feel it.
This is indeed a hidden illness that needs to be honestly exposed and gently replaced with self-love and self-worth. And this probably needs to start at home when we are still young enough to clear the imposition of comparison and jealousy.
Everything that has been written makes perfect sense, and yes, I can relate to it all. After going to some of Universal Medicine presentations it became clear how insidious jealousy and comparison is, and again I will admit that I did not initially want to feel that I was capable of it. This is why it is so important to have these conversations so that these feelings are brought out into the open, and not hidden away for years.
What a stunning blog, Alexis and it really gets to the heart of the matter for women. I have felt these feelings too but now I am appreciating rather than going into jealousy if I sense these feelings coming up.. Of course there is no perfection and there are always more layers to uncover.
We have all had these moments and it serves us to be honest about them, not self bash, but be honest about what is working and conversely what brings us down. We can celebrate ourselves and still uncover behaviours that are not loving or kind. It is good for us expose what is not working and then make another path.
‘it is from within my relationship with myself that these feelings were actually born.’
It is so easy to search for the reason of being jealous outside ourselves and yet just like you described self fury opens the door for jealousy to come in. This realization actually helped me both with being aware of me being jealous of another and also the other way around, another being jealous of me.
Thankyou for sharing so openly Alexis. Comparison and jealousy is something we often keep to ourselves, feeling its shame privately. Great to have it out in the open.
The revelation in this paragraph about your response to feeling other people’s jealousy is huge:
“Having made the choice to reduce myself down to the same washed out version of me that everybody else had also chosen for themselves, I then perpetuated the cycle of abuse by inflicting the same force (jealousy) on other girls and women who had not yet chosen to energetically opt out.”
A vicious cycle of a harm that goes round and round… until we wisen up as you did and start to “not cower in the face of jealousy” and instead keep deepening and shining the magnificence of all that we are.
Jealousy is such a toxic poison, and one that would be wise for us to nominate when we feel.
Alexis, admitting this fact that we feel such jealousy is the best way to let it go and not have a hold on us. Getting rock bottom to the nitty gritty means the only way back is up.
This feeling of slight (and sometimes a lot more than slight) elation as the downfall of others is one of the most devastating reactions we have to life. It doesn’t make us evil or horrible, to me it is simply a symptom of something deeper and in much need of addressing – we do not know how to not judge and criticise ourselves, or how to be wholly at ease with and loving of who and where we are and because of this, when we turn our eyes outside to others, the same self-judgement, critic etc. is in our gaze. Add to this a crippling lack of self-worth, and seeing someone else seemingly succeed and have an amazing life can feel like salt in a wound, and therefore when we see them stumble and fall, it makes us more as ease in ourselves because we no longer either a) have their reflection pulling us to be more or b) have something to soothe our own inner ache of being less. At the end of the day, as hard as these feelings can be to admit, it is better to have them out and expressed/admitted/acknowledged to be dealt with.
Absolutely beautiful Alexis. I relate. I don’t know where to begin with my issue of comparison, jealousy, self-fury and wanting recognition. All to not feel me and appreciate how amazing I am.
A great celebration it is to feel how far you have come in returning to what is true..
Alexis, super honest and very needed blog for all women. ‘I took my naturally joyous expansiveness and crammed it into an old shoebox and stuffed it under the bed of life.’ Love this and I am sure so many of us can relate we did want to avoid standing out and being ‘outed’ and started to use the poison that jealousy is ourselves. And lets be honest here, at least I did.
Stunning blog Alexis, thank you. Jealously is indeed something that we need to get real about as it is so harming for everyone involved. I too experience it as a fury towards myself when I do not allow myself to be all of me. In those moments when jealously occurs we have to surrender and accept what is being reflected to us by another and then change the response in us.
We do need to talk more about jealousy… it’s one of the least exposed emotions. Since listening to the presentations from Universal Medicine I have begun to feel the correlation of my own self-fury when jealousy arises and look at where I can bring in appreciation instead.
Unleashing the woman within is simple, but the steps are to be taken consistently for the power to arise.
Alexis, your raw honesty and lived experience is powerfully and clearly delivered in this blog. Celebrating the awareness you bring to your expansion and unfolding in life.
What a beautifully honest blog Alexis – lifting the veil on jealousy and comparison. We can bring appreciation and celebration to our relationships, and also recognise if and when we fall back into old patterns and the poison of comparison.
There are many things that I could have achieved in my life but for various reasons I have not developed the idea further than just the idea, for example, I love to sing and when I see people singing solo on stage, there is part of me that wants to do that too, but I hold back for fear of singing out of tune and people thinking badly of me. That was my choice, but I find myself feeling jealous of women who perform in that way. Whenever I experience jealousy it is around what people do, and that is because I have based my own self worth on what I do, what pleases people, and what gets recognition. So it is all illusion, I have absolutely no need to be jealous and the harm it does is not nice at all.
Never mind the “who the %#@! does she think she is?” – let’s own the true glorious we don’t think but KNOW ourselves to be.
Jealousy is indeed an extremely harmful force and well described and exposed in Unimedpedia Jealousy – http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-jealousy.html – well worth a listen and read for deeper understanding.
Discussing our own jealousy is quite a brave move. But it is still a topic that is rarely ever discussed amongst women even though we feel it very clearly; whether we feel someone is jealous of us or whether we are jealous of another. However as you have shared we can heal and clear these emotions in our life so we are no longer owned by them. That is the real story.
Another beautifully revealing, exceptionally honest and exposing blog Alexis. Thank you. I love the detail in your writing and the unfolding revelations you share.
Thank you Johanna.
So debilitating of both perpetrator and the person the jealousy is directed to, and yet so common and normal in our world today and it has been for eons. The result is – we do not trust or open up to ourselves or to each other. We play the game of superficiality daring not to reveal the amazing depths of who we are because the sting of jealousy has been so nasty… and yet what perpetuates this global tragic ill is that very movement we choose to make – to shut ourselves down and out, and not even let ourselves know the greatness we are and that we are here to live and express in all that we do.
Alexis, to me you are the ultimate truth detector. You look, observe and explore until you have found the purity that is there, uncovering in this process all the lies and deviations we have made life to be. And the best part is you are right in it, getting your hands dirty not shamed to expose what there is to expose.
Esther, we all have different and equal strengths in supporting others, you have very eloquently described what I have identified as one of my strengths and in so doing have exercised one of your strengths, the ability to see qualities in another and to share them. Thank you.
Most beautiful what you are saying here Alexis and thank you. And yes, this is the beauty of all of us, we are one and everyone plays a crucial and needed part in this whole.
Thank you Alexis for sharing so honestly and can feel my discomfort with peering into the dark recesses of my mind and owning up to my own jealousy and self-fury. Going to an all girls boarding school at 11 gave me a crash course in conforming so as to avoid jealousy – I can still remember overhearing other girls bitching about my new shiny leather boots in my first year that I was so proud of and how devastating it felt and making a choice to do my best to avoid having to feel that again. It is much harder to admit to myself and others how much I have played this game and perpetuated the cycle of abuse. It is only by being willing to expose past and current behaviour that it is possible to re-imprint it and truly celebrate with others when they are shining brightly as well as choosing more and more to stay true to myself and not suppress my joy and natural expression.
Great to uncover the ways we diminish and judge ourselves and others, all at the expense of both parties. Everyone misses out when we choose to get drawn in to the spirits little games and not feel the love and beauty that we all innately are.
A stunningly honest blog Alexis. This is a ground breaker for many.
Great exposure of the subtle but monumentally impact-full games of power play that make up the majority of our relationships. Considering that all our ills come from ill relationships either with ourselves or with another, there is much to consider here.
Your honesty is refreshing and yes you are absolutely right in that if we are honest I am sure every single one of us has felt the very same as you have towards another at some point in our life, if not many times. Which is very uncomfortable to feel. What I love here is that in this you are providing a STOP and FEEL moment asking us not only to be accountable for these feelings even when they arise just fleetingly; but by enabling us to truly feel this in our bodies it provides a space to discard them from our body once and for all if we so choose. The choice is up to us which includes asking how do we feel about ourselves, in other words do we still want to, in proverbial words, take our natural joy and expansiveness cram it into an old shoebox and stuff it under the bed of life. Gosh if we do this we are bound to be jealous of others shining and living all that they are!
Whatever our chosen ‘maggot’ that eats away, it provides the reaction to reduce ourselves down, often to the common denominator, a choice that says ‘less is OK, less is normal’. Yet as you’ve shared: it is neither OK or who we naturally are.. and as you are: a reflection to inspire.
We yearn for equality but when we feel others step up in evolution we create all issues to hold everyone back—this is awesome to observe and expose for there is a pattern of competition and jealousy lurking somewhere which has been ingrained within us. The most inspiring thing is no one ever escapes this, when we feel the jealousy of others from our own stepping up, we will feel the same when others do the same. This is something to expose for everyone, and not anything we need to feel ashamed or guilty about. Feel back into our own preciousness and appreciate even more, it is precious to have the opportunity of appreciating ourselves even more when we are with others.
Love your honesty and reflections you offer Alexis. It is true comparison and jealousy are the two main things especially for women that can destroy us…. receiving it or giving it. If we feel jealousy from another we choose to dull down ourselves and diminish our light so that we don’t stand out, and if we are jealous of another it affects our thoughts and poisons our body. It can be easy to dismiss jealousy but when you feel the full extent of it from either side, we can feel how ugly it really is.
What an honest sharing for all women to reflect on and see the incidiousness of not appreciating ourselves and comparing ourselves with others in such a hidden way internalising everything and how harmful this is to ourselves and others equally. Understanding appreciating and loving ourselves in our divinity is the basis of our true evolution as a women .
A great blog, thank you Alexis We can ask ourselves at any time ” Is this choice loving and harmonious?” knowing that this requires a very honest answer and in this supports our evolution.
I have experienced that stabbing in my gut as well, although the triggers differ what I am understanding is that the stab comes when I don’t want to feel and accept life for what it is.
Universal Medicine presentations and workshops explore what is to be human being. They have supported me to be a truer human being, more self aware, open to connect to feelings and hurts that get in the way of my own evolution. Nowhere else have I met such dedication to truth, a steadfast loving support so that we evolve, bring more love into our lives and discard anything that causes harm to self or others.
Yes, Kehinde, jealousy and comparison are subjects not often talked about, but Universal Medicine does not hold back in taking us there, addressing anything that gets in the way of us being in our full power and soulful essence.
“addressing anything that gets in the way of us being in our full power and soulful essence’, beautiful Janet. Universal Medicine offers truth and a blessing when we say Yes with all our being.
We can’t harm ourselves without at the same time harming all others, because in truth there is only one of us.
Wonderfully expressed Alexis and deeply felt to read these words. Thank you.
To dim ourselves have never made anyone safe. It has only created more and more unrest within us and guess where this tension would have to surface?
“As women we can blame all manner of things for keeping us out of our power, but the biggest factor by far is jealousy from within our own ranks.” This makes we wonder, if we were to stop being jealous of each other, to what depths our relationships could change not only with each other but with everyone, and as a consequence the potential of what would then be possible.
The potential depth of our relationships with each other is unlimited, it’s just that we choose to limit our relationships through our behaviour.
The things we conceal and hold secretive in our body may be so well ingrained they appear as part of us, but under the deeper layers is the essence of who we truly are which nourishes and enriches our body from the inside out.
Beautifully said Harry… and only possible to know and express that way once the deeper layers of the essence of who we are, are known. From there, shining a light on the dark corners is not so scary as we do it from knowing who we are first. This is the amazing gift Universal Medicine offers… teaching, presenting and supporting that connection first, before we start looking at what is not that lurking in the shadows.
The quality of our lives flows from our relationship with ourselves. Supporting children to love, appreciate and value themselves is a responsibility we all have and supports them to build strong inner foundations. We can also talk to them about their feelings especially those prickly, stabbing ones that if not shared release a steady poison into their bodies and relationships. Supporting children to understand we are all equal and one, no less than or more than is best modelled through our own livingness.
Thank you for bringing up the subject of jealousy, Alexis, with such honesty and humour. It does feel a bit like hanging out our dirty laundry as we tend to keep these feelings hidden but, as you found out, getting to the truth of the matter is a beautiful revelation that can set us free to be fully ourselves again.
Yes. I love how descriptive and significantly recalled Alexis shares all she does around jealousy. Definitely something that many of us can relate to, I know I can.
It’s fascinating how we end up being part of the cycle and behaviours we’re trying to avoid, if we don’t have the tools, the reflections and inspiration that there is another way to be.
“I took my naturally joyous expansiveness and crammed it into an old shoebox and stuffed it under the bed of life.” Yes this really hits home with me, this is definitely the origin of jealousy and the interesting thing is that we feel like this is done to us but in the end it is our own choice. It may have been under intense circumstances but we can always choose to now let that go and let ourselves out again.
Every time we experience someone not holding back we are given the reflection that we have chosen not to be all that we could, which is very painful to accept and so the self-fury at our self for doing so arises. Realising this is the first step to returning to the truth one is – it is never to late to do so, it is just a choice.
Fascinating isn’t it the way we act out our hurts. What stands out for me is how this fury then makes the environment so hostile that we actually keep creating the reason we don’t want to shine, like a self professing machine, the world feels unsafe to shine because of our fury at protecting ourselves and not shining!
What you share Alexis shows how early on in life these deep seated feelings of jealousy and comparison set in. Thank you for exposing the normalisation of these emotions and their true source, our own feelings of inadequacy. The revelation for me was becoming aware that these feelings were not normal, were not me and the degree of harm they caused. At any age we can choose to evolve through the ordinary and make extra-ordinary changes in our lives.
Thank you for this blog Alexis. I can relate to so much of what you have written. I agree that we as women don’t back ourselves, let alone each other, and the patterns do start early and are very ingrained, however I am bringing a greater understanding to my choices and seeing why I have made them, and from there choosing differently.
Such a glorious example of the power of self-awareness, thank you Alexis. Amongst many other things to appreciate about this blog, I love the phrase ‘charade of commiseration’. Underneath this charade there is often a celebration going on internally, of one who is enjoying the whole drama of ‘poor me’ and ‘not being enough’. Very exposing – which I take to be a good thing, for it enables deeper self-awareness and hence healing to happen.
That notion of ‘not being enough’ used to be very familiar to me, and you’ve raised an excellent point here Richard in that it can (and was definitely true in my case as well) be really used as a crutch to not take the responsibility of stepping up and not holding back our true nature and expression that we have waiting within us. It also is a great way to keep getting attention as almost some kind of victim through sympathy of others for our ‘condition’ of not feeling enough. A major distraction in many ways, and I love Alexis’ honesty in how we can react with jealousy to someone else who is living closer to their true potential but almost celebrate those who are not because it makes things more comfortable for us.
What a stupendous blog of exposing jealousy for what it actually is. I also have had these feelings in the past and then felt really crap tinged with guilt about not being able to be genuinely happy for the person who has done well or had something good happen to them. I have also played things down most of the time to avoid the jealousy of others. It is great to know what is really going on in order to reign it in and be true again.
Gosh, the games we play to avoid feeling our hurts! Thank you for sharing this so candidly Alexis. To understand that jealousy is simply rage at oneself for not making the choice that is being reflected by another is a very powerful revelation and one that can precipitate much healing.
No matter how hard we may try, we do know when we are living less than our true self and register as pain. The fury of jealousy feels like just one of the options we adopt in avoiding this pain of living a lie. And self-loathing feels like an inverted version of that.
Alexis, you are breaking the ranks of what women have done forever and held within themselves, at their detriment and all those around them. They have even built a lovely bed for the green-eyed dragon to rest within them always ready to be awakened. And what part have we men played to perpetuate this evil cycle?
“They have even built a lovely bed for the green-eyed dragon to rest within them always ready to be awakened.” This describes exactly what life is, we create it ourselves, we invite things in and put them into their place and keep chasing our own tail. And Alexis gives us such a simple and brave example to break through this, simply by turning an observing and very honest eye towards ourself.
We all play our part Steve, and maybe we all have a bed of life with old-shoe-boxes full-of-lies that need slaying? So is it possible if we expose each others lies and slay our own dragons from within then we can “shine our Light” and live within our “essence”?
Too be honest how many have as you say Alexis, stuffed all the gloriousness we were as children both girl and boy and crammed it into a shoebox and stuffed it under the bed of life. I love the words you use because that is just what we do, because other people are jealous of us and our natural way of expressing life and so we calibrate ourselves to fit in and hence the cramming into the shoebox begins.
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And yet we all know the shoebox is there and precisely where it is stored… we need only to reach for it and to open the lid and accept its glorious contents.
So true Alexis. Somewhere along our journey we make a decision to ‘kneecap’ our selves and then spend the rest of our lives despising others who shine their light strongly and in doing so, poison our selves even more and so it becomes an insidious vicious cycle. Your honesty is immensely inspiring and a true example that is it never too late to return to our truth and innocent glory within, inspired and empowered by the teachings of Serge Benhayon.
Such brilliant honesty Alexis, dealing with jealousy can be tough, but what better way to deal with it than to show them what they’re missing out on and invite them to stand with you.
Alexis, this article is so interesting to read, I have also had these jealous thoughts about others who have made more loving choices and not dimmed their light, reading this article helps to understand why there can be such competition and comparison between women and its really helpful knowing that underneath the jealousy there is self fury.
The greatest pain is the one from realising that we are the cause of all our own issues and ills from making a choice to separate from the full glory of who we are. We then find it far too easy to focus and blame the resulting hurts which arise on others.
Jealousy and comparison are very destructive emotions that cause widespread harm in personal and international relationships. When we come to the realisation that we all have a choice to reconnect to the joyful and playful being we were as young children then we can begin to heal the wounds and once again enjoy the understanding of brotherhood and equalness.
I absolutely love the honesty of this blog Alexis and how you have drawn attention to the opening paragraph to read more than once. Admitting to being jealous of another is not easy, admitting that we become slightly elated when things are not going well for another is hard as we know this is so far from the truth of the love that we are. Being honest is the key to change and if all women were as willing to be as honest as you are then there would be no space for comparison and jealousy as we would start to see how fruitless this is and appreciate one another for the qualities they bring.
Thank you so much Alexis, for your raw honesty in giving voice to something that many of us, me included, have experienced sometime, or many times, in our lives. It goes to show the powerful and destructive impact that one single childhood event can have on the rest of our lives, and it won’t be the only one. To be able to express what you have in such public forum feels so very liberating and I know that many readers will now be inspired to connect with that deep level of honesty and begin to heal their own inner hurts; I for one am very inspired.
Boom – there you have it, the game of comparison and jealousy that we, as women, feed and perpetuate so well. It’s interesting how much we compare with one another whilst not being bothered when things are going well for men. It is a game which keeps hiding from being the bright sparks that we naturally are.
Growing up I could see and feel the ‘tall poppy’ syndrome was very real. We were happy to see people bob along but as soon as they started to fly it’s like society as a group wanted to smash them and pull them back down. I feel this speaks to and partially explains the unpleasant internal dialogue you describe Alexis. It seems to me this is just the natural end result of us seeing ourselves as separate individuals. This is not true, the competition, rivalry and jealousy we see is just a result of this lie.
Jealousy and comparison are in fact so toxic – for ourselves and for everyone around us. We all clock those times when we have compared ourselves and either lessened or ‘big-noted’ ourselves… either way it creates disharmony through inequality – when in essence we are all equally the same.
Awesome blog Alexis… it only takes a few…”… to not cower in the face of jealousy but to stay steady and to shine” their light, for others to realise its ok to do this, we don’t need to diminish ourselves, that each one of us has a unique part to play in the whole of life… and in fact this is our natural, innate way of being women together.
Women being women together in their essence is very gorgeous to be around. It’s absolutely crazy that we have all on some level contributed to what Alexis shares about jealousy.
There are many ways we tend to diminish ourselves and as you say Alexis, when we choose to do so we do it a a cost, the cost of a lifelong held jealousy and a need to compare as we are void of the love we otherwise would have lived and would have fulfilled ourselves.
I agree, Nico, these feelings come with a cost for us, for we are love and anything outside that expressed will be copped by our bodies.
A very refreshing and honest expose of the self sabotage of jealousy and comparison Alexis. It was great to read this and I intend to keep nailing this old surreptitious pattern whenever it rears its ugly head. ‘to return to the essence of the stunningly beautiful girl that I was at the age of 8.’ is what we can embrace and enjoy when we celebrate and appreciate ourselves and other women.
I love your blog Alexis, it is super honest, real and inspiring. I can relate to everything you’ve shared. The feelings of comparison and jealousy I have also experienced throughout my life. Only since attending Universal Medicine courses and presentations by Serge Benhayon did I start to be aware of the damage and harm comparison and jealousy brings. The detail and honesty in the way you express is brilliant Alexis, I love it, thank you.
Stunning, stunning blog Alexis. You have called out, in wondrous and impeccably honest detail, something I know has existed (and to an extent still does) inside of me and no doubt most of us women. It’s a mark of true maturity to consciously understand and work with these kinds of impediments to our evolution, and blogs like this help us on our way. Thank you.
I agree Victoria, and to admit the self fury, the jealousy, is a great step towards arresting such behaviour. For it is only if we know it is at play can we begin to change how we relate.
Gosh, what a revelation it was when I read that jealousy is in fact ‘self fury’, Alexis. That is something I would certainly not have wanted to admit to! And what has now struck me is that being jealous, or comparing yourself unfavourably to another, has to be a type of self-loathing because it is in effect saying, ‘you are better than me’. Wouldn’t it be so much more honouring of our being to be inspired by others, instead? This in turn would be inspiring to many others.
An insightful masterpiece on the poison that is jealousy and how insidiously it is in how it plays out. It is really a crippling force and when I observe the sarcasm, barbed humour and constant powerplays that dominate so many friendships it is easy to see how much we get tainted by this force. And it takes great honesty to share such feelings that want another to fail, for no one likes to admit that side of themselves, a side that is in most of us, but really need never be. Thank you Alexis for your candid words
So true what you share here Stephen. The jaded undertones that characterize the conversations of so many relationships and interactions are accepted as commonplace, and the damage that they do is huge. Essentially we are all conditioned by our own behaviour to ingrain jealousy into how we relate, meaning that we never let the truth of who we are shine through in our relationships with ourselves and each other.
Alexis, always are your posts so pithy and accurately descriptive, so real, so honest, I love and appreciate the way you share and capture yourself, and us all too: “I took my naturally joyous expansiveness and crammed it into an old shoebox and stuffed it under the bed of life” – haven’t we all.
To know ones self is simple, to honor it and choose to live it is the bit we have missed, all to sell out to long held perpetuated beliefs that we are less than the steady loving being we know ourselves to be.
Great Blog Alexis, you are correct, if we were as women to be truly honest about what you have offered here – we would have to admit that we all have experienced the same as you, in one way or another. What I appreciate most about your blog is this line.. “Looking back, I can see that I was an unadulterated slice of life, an absolutely pure reflection of divinity..” Beyond the honesty, comes this piece of Gold – the absolute Truth of the matter. Thank-you Alexis.
Jealousy is a debilitating ill mental health condition – it kneecaps the one who dishes it out and tries to impede or stop the recipient. Incredible to think that it could have ever been accepted as ‘normal’ behaviour, something we just do and are obedient to.
I like that you point out here that we have accepted jealousy as part of life, as we actually have with so many behaviours. We just deem them as normal because they are there but never really stop and question whether this has to be this way. We are not born jealous, or angry or sad etc. so there is something in the living process where we adapt/and or take on these behaviours.
Very true Gabriele. When you word it as graphically as this it is easy to see that the way men may punch another man (athough not recommended) all the emotion is on the table, all known and all seen. However using jealousy is much more harmful because we see the behaviour as normal and is accepted as the way things are.
Well said Gabriele – it is tremendously harmful for all concerned and should never be accepted as normal but seen as the illness it is.
Agree Gabriele it is an energy that causes extreme harm to not only the receiver( if they absorb it ) but also to the one dishing it out.
Tears in my eyes the whole way through reading this amazing blog. There would be very few women that would not be able to recognise themselves in the behaviours described here. I certainly recognise myself. This phenomena helps me to understand why as a society we have accepted the abuse of women on a Massive scale. It also helps me to see that change is possible – and yes – it starts with us.
‘As women we can blame all manner of things for keeping us out of our power, but the biggest factor by far is jealousy from within our own ranks.’ ….. so true, yet there is nothing more beautiful than to allow ourselves to be completely open and vulnerable with each other and feel the exquisite tenderness, care and loving support that we all have to share. To hide away hurts us far more than we care to admit, hence the fury that we direct towards others, yet the responsibility for it’s birth falls very squarely on our shoulders.
Yes indeed. It is easier to look outward than to look inward as inward means we have to take responsibility for what is happening rather than blaming another for how we are feeling.
Alexis, what an amazing blog ! What a great thing to root out too! I still have some digging to go myself in this department but I love how you have tracked and named this vile green monster! Its interesting too in the ways it is directed at you – I have recently had some really good changes in my life that have left me feeling delighted, I am asked to share my news, and then I watch other female friends I share my good news with and observe their responses and on many occasions I have received a comment that has come directly laced with this jealousy and so the wording is such it is actually intended to dampen and put down my experience or even put a doubting seed into my head! Very few of the women I have shared with are genuinely happy for me.- they would be, except my joy irks them as they feel their own lack. I have to laugh because I also know this is in me! And I know how awesome it feels when I genuinely can share someone else’s joy in their good fortune without any measuring or jealousy. I am going to explore this in myself some more – because its horrible to be on the receiving end.
Debra something drew me to your comment and it feels from what you are sharing that there is a lack of self-worth sneaking in when we cannot share other people’s joy. It has taken me years to give myself permission to reconnect and begin an intimate relationship with myself. I feel that the more we deepen our self-awareness the less likely we are to be jealous of others because we are more settled in our bodies. It is something I’m constantly working on to be so settled in my body I am not pulled out of it by what is happening externally.
Thanks Alex ,for your honest expose on jealousy/comparisonin your own life and its ability to contract and rob us from the true love and brotherhood we all come from.
Realising that all jealousy/comparison is just that a moment that has the potential to change by our willingness to connect to our movements and not reactions.
I only had to read your opening statement once to feel the absolute truth in what you share, Alexis, for I know I have experienced exactly the same thing. It’s the most horrible feeling, like something that does not belong has possessed me and switched off my light, it’s suddenly all dark and very slippery. Jealousy is indeed very crippling and divisive, a sure way to loose your gorgeous self instantly, yet we have to had made this choice to do so.
Jealously takes a tight grip around our natural vitality, joy and love for who we are and diminishes it in our every movement if we choose to let it be so. I too have experienced this and felt it within my own body from a young age particularly with close female friends and family. What I have found so empowering is appreciating and confirming who I am in my daily movements and how this then shifts the comparison and or jealously that creeps in and starts to see the real joy and intimacy that can occur between women and the return of true sisterhood from our movements as one.
This highlights that each time we choose to diminish ourselves as women we probably choose to compare and judge another for not doing so themselves. Comparison is a crazy thing for it makes no sense to measure ourselves against another for what we do or do not choose for ourselves.
Well said jennym – we form our own prison as a collective. Together we can choose to find a way out instead.
This is so true Leonne , togetherness is one of the keys to releasing us from the prison
Indeed it is crazy to compare ourselves with others for what we are not choose for ourselves and that shows to me that although we think we are smart and intelligent, there is probably another force at play we are not conscious aware off but makes us react and behave in a not that smart way at all.
I like the way you have expressed this Jennym. It highlights the ridiculousness and irresponsibility inherent in jealousy and comparison. Both utterly poisonous and pointless (unless you count separation from each other as the point).