My Relationship with Writing

Ever felt that it has been hard to sit down and write something that you feel within to express, but the actual writing process (whether it be by pen or keyboard) leaves you feeling agitated and stressed?

This has been my recent experience – feeling a strong impulse and beautiful expression within me to be shared, yet once sitting at the table or desk to commence writing I quickly observed that my shoulders were tight, my hands were hard and I was caught in a drive to get it done that did not feel very nice. To make things worse, because I so desperately wanted the words and process to flow, I judged myself harshly and this left me feeling deflated and exhausted!

Today I have felt into what has been going on in this process and observed that:

  • When I was commencing writing, I was attached to the outcome and what the words looked like.
  • I was needing my writing to be completed as soon as possible.
  • I was not stopping to feel me and honour my body first and foremost, before any ink to paper or words on the computer screen were captured.
  • I was being narrow in my view, taking an initial impulse from my body but then intellectualising it and wanting to make it sound clever – a pattern I have come to know well following multiple years of university study and working in an engineering discipline where writing is often subject to intellectual criticism.
  • I was not appreciating myself and all I have to offer.

As I write now, I have taken a completely different approach. I have decided I do not want to feel hardness in my body as I type and that my connection with the delicateness and beauty of me is my first and foremost priority. Just sitting down with this intention has resulted in an incredible shift, enabling me to feel that I am already complete and enough without the words I am about to express needing to define me.

I have paused as I write to feel the power and simplicity of my words. And I have acknowledged that there is always more to express, yet in this moment it is to feel what is called for now.

I have typed without my glasses on. This means I cannot see the words clearly on the screen in the first instance, but given I can touch type, this is not a problem and has offered an exquisite opportunity to feel what I am writing and not critically refine it as I write. My hands are much less hard as a result.

There is a deeper level that I can take this to, for now I am much more aware of my fingertips on each pad of the keyboard and how I am pressing down – and that I can choose to do this in the lightness and delicateness of who I am. There is almost a melody and serenity in the ‘click click’ sound of the keyboard as I type under this impress. And my heart feels an opening and celebration for allowing me to bring me to typing in a way that I have not before.

I have also been very aware of my posture and how my workstation is set up to support me. This has included adjusting the height of my keyboard so that it slants upwards a little to support my hands and fingers for what they need today (on other days this may be different).

In honouring me, it has been very beautiful to write, and a pleasure to not merely share words, but to share me as I write.

The end result is a simple expansion of everything I am already and a simplicity in knowing I can bring this to the next expression, and then the next, without any drive, push or struggle within to do so.

By Susan Hayes, Ballarat, Victoria

Related Reading:
The Importance of Expressing Truth
Healing through Writing and Expressing
My Expression Counts – A Divine Job

567 thoughts on “My Relationship with Writing

  1. How often do we intellectualise impulses and then action something, a conversation, project or activity that is so close to what we initially felt was true yet so far from the quality as it has become complicated or expectation based..

  2. ‘I have paused as I write to feel the power and simplicity of my words. And I have acknowledged that there is always more to express, yet in this moment it is to feel what is called for now.’ Awesome Susan.

    1. Yes this was a simple and very precious moment indeed to pause and feel the quality of me without any need to rush into or out expectations on what was to be next.

  3. When we are in school we are taught what we need to do, Maths, English, Science etc… but we are not taught about the quality in which we produce this work.
    If a friend or potential boyfriend perhaps, is really drunk and decides to text’s you, you can feel it. This is proof that the quality and state we are in when we write then affects the reader. But you do not have to be drunk to change your quality, you could be frustrated, angry, cold, uncomfortable and without even realising it you have affect the energetic quality of your writing. What you are offering is create a space that is supportive and the writing will flow, plus you know what you are putting out is clear for the reader.

    1. Same goes with when we work, how we are gets transferred to what we then produce and yet we can rationalise that we’ve done our job, ticked the boxes, got out what was required and got paid but not reflect on how our emotions are then felt by others. Dealing with what comes up for us the best way we can and asking for support when needed makes a massive difference to the quality in which we live and consequently put out.

  4. Susan, this is such a beautiful elegy to movement and the fact that how we move in each thing we go, and not just physically is key for if we take care of those details, little and large we create space for us to express without an outcome and just be who we are.

  5. Bringing myself back to the way I’m moving or holding my body – the kind of posture that I’m in makes a huge difference to the quality of thoughts that I have and how I feel inside and so it makes complete sense to me that to have an awareness and care for our whole body whilst writing will make a difference to the way the writing flows and the quality of the output!

  6. With all that you have changed in how you go about writing Susan, I look forward to what you will have on offer in the future. For me if we are invested in the outcome, it is starting off on the wrong foot from the very start.

  7. Supremely simple Susan but a very different approach, one that shows all to be how each moment is and that it’s not about the outcome, it’s in each detail and each move, and in taking care of that the wider details are addressed.

  8. I love this Susan, as I recognise a lot in what you share. And your shift can be felt from the quality of your blog which feels tender, open and loving. What a great example of the fact that everything is energy and all we do leaves an imprint of that quality.

  9. Susan it is great how you have overcome so many of the obstacles so many of us have towards writing and ultimately expressing the truth we all know and feel within. At school so much of our spontaneity and creativity is taken out of our essays or stories gaining reward for using sentence structure and adjectives etc. Trying to capture and entice the reader rather than simply presenting truth. I know I mastered how to manipulate essays to gain top marks at school and so it is almost like we have to unwire ourselves back to our true selves so the jargon and what we have been told to write does not come before the truth we know.

    1. It is true James we learn to write in a certain way at school that gains marks but is not a true form of writing where we write from impulse and from what we really feel. Writing to tick the boxes and gain favour with the teacher becomes the norm, and it is this we have to undo.

      1. I found it echoed into all aspects and areas of my life always wanting to please or gain favour with others rather than simply being and saying what I felt at the time. So often we think we know what another will say so we alter our speach or writting so as not to get a reaction instead of being us – so all we do is set up situations to stay the same which frustrates us and nothing changes!

  10. Beautiful Susan, what is of far greater importance is how we express rather than focusing on the end result because it’s in the ‘how’ that we determine and ensure it’s quality.

  11. I love how you have evolved in your expression and your love of yourself and your body in your writing. If this is the end result of taking simple love and care and giving voice to our body in writing imagine what is possible when we take this elsewhere to our work, family life, cooking and living in general?

  12. The moment we more consciously include the body in what we do (it is anyway but it suits us to forget!), we become aware of the tension and can work on releasing it.

  13. We can say Susan from your post that, “My Relationship with Writing”… is simply [reflective of] the relationship with oneself. We write and express in accordance to how we are relating with ourselves transferring that quality to our writing.

  14. I’ve noticed that sometimes when we haven’t done something for a while – such as express – that when we begin to do it again, whilst it is all there within us, we have to feel the momentum of not having done it.

  15. I like how you took a moment to connect with your quality, and then, your intention was when typing to do so with ‘ my connection with the delicateness and beauty of me is my first and foremost priority.’

  16. Reading your blog Susan has caused me to pause and re-evaluate my approach to how I write and lo and behold – I found I could tick quite a few of the things you have nominated at the start. Thank you – I have now steadied myself and I can feel the tension drain from my body. Of course the beautiful thing is the flow on effect and I sense that I will take a different quality to the next thing I move onto.

  17. Writing has been something I hated and struggled with from the moment I learned how to do it. Through the studies of Universal Medicine, I have healed so much in regard to my relationship with writing. I was reflecting this morning that because I write every day, sometimes I read what I have written and think, wow, who wrote that, that’s amazing. I find it an effortless and enjoyable integral part of my day now.

    1. I was told at school that I wasn’t good at creative writing and my grammar / spelling was no good too and I still carry much if this with me, although as you say through writing on a daily basis the way I write is changing and there are times when I think where did those words come from as what I’ve wanted to say has just flowed with words that I’m not that familiar with.

  18. This is beautiful Susan, ‘my heart feels an opening and celebration for allowing me to bring me to typing in a way that I have not before.’

  19. There is a lot of good advice in this blog and I feel that if the appreciation of ourselves is there and is real and we are not invested in the outcome the words will just flow. If I was to think too much about people reading what I write, which is a kind of attachment, the words wouldn’t flow either.

  20. The age-old trick of anticipating the outcome, response or reaction from others, what may be accepted or judged, basically who and how we need to be so that we are okay takes away from us the natural and full expression that otherwise would simply occur.

  21. The key is in sharing, that it comes from and through one´s body and thus is real and relatable and not just writing about something.

  22. Thank you Susan for sharing what I can very much relate to in my past. Losing myself to an expectation I was holding in the future put me off writing. I knew on a particular occasion what I had written was not from love and so did not deliver it. I also expressed how I felt but left it at that. This blog supports and confirms me in the knowing what I sense and have sensed is true. It is also a reflection in my daily living in that I know in my absoluteness, truth ‘good or bad’ in my body and to not jeopardise it in any way, shape or form but to accept it as it is and either confirm it within me or/and change my movements to be and express love and make love in the knowing of who I am as my priority.

  23. ‘In honouring me, it has been very beautiful to write, and a pleasure to not merely share words, but to share me as I write.’ This is very much felt , thank you Susan.

  24. Being aware of my whole body whilst I’m doing something gives me a true marker for the quality that I’m expressing with.

  25. Very cool – so much interferes when we try and write, for me I feel a pressure to perform, and I always question if I can capture the magic I know with words? But it’s amazing if I just let all that go and surrender knowing that everything I need to say is already there.

    1. I am finding this amazing too Meg that I can sense in a split second that it is all there inside me, what needs to said is all there. I simply know and all I have to do is let go of any doubt that may want to creep in and align 100% to saying yes to connecting to me and allowing the divine expression, my essence to come through.

  26. The energy running through my body to perform has felt so intense… cheeks are red, I feel hot, there’s a force or an all consuming trying and I feel very impatient wanting to get the writing done, a horrible feeling in my body which I thought at one time was ok and that was how it was – you could say a wonderful marker to call out and expose in my body of that which is nothing but from the individual/self in separation to my soul and hence not for the all.

  27. Taking cake of ourselves while we do anything brings us into whatever the end result is. A great reminder of how lovely that feels rather than doing something at the expense of my body to fit a picture I may have.

  28. Our written expression is super important, its part of the whole package of expression. Hold back on one part and we are holding back on our whole expression.

  29. How lovely it is to feel our whole bodies in all activities we do and all ways in which we move within our lives as it only strengthens our connection to who we are and allows us to express in full appreciation of this grand vehicle in which we are residing in.

  30. I’ve noticed on the rare occasion I allow myself to write freely that it is a lovely feeling just to write, to allow the flow and not get caught up in the semantics, polishing, grammar. That all comes with a second edit, but just to allow myself to write what I feel unrestricted… that is expression, and not something I naturally do when writing email or as part of my work.

  31. I have observed that there is a huge force to curtail true expression. That affects us all in different ways for some it may be difficulty in writing and for others it may be in speaking for others they might over speak and not listen – whatever it takes there is an energy that does not want truth expressed hence the king has got no clothes on story.

  32. ‘…it has been very beautiful to write, and a pleasure to not merely share words, but to share me as I write.’ A great point to remember that we are sharing everything we are, in everything that we do.

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