My Relationship with Writing

Ever felt that it has been hard to sit down and write something that you feel within to express, but the actual writing process (whether it be by pen or keyboard) leaves you feeling agitated and stressed?

This has been my recent experience – feeling a strong impulse and beautiful expression within me to be shared, yet once sitting at the table or desk to commence writing I quickly observed that my shoulders were tight, my hands were hard and I was caught in a drive to get it done that did not feel very nice. To make things worse, because I so desperately wanted the words and process to flow, I judged myself harshly and this left me feeling deflated and exhausted!

Today I have felt into what has been going on in this process and observed that:

  • When I was commencing writing, I was attached to the outcome and what the words looked like.
  • I was needing my writing to be completed as soon as possible.
  • I was not stopping to feel me and honour my body first and foremost, before any ink to paper or words on the computer screen were captured.
  • I was being narrow in my view, taking an initial impulse from my body but then intellectualising it and wanting to make it sound clever – a pattern I have come to know well following multiple years of university study and working in an engineering discipline where writing is often subject to intellectual criticism.
  • I was not appreciating myself and all I have to offer.

As I write now, I have taken a completely different approach. I have decided I do not want to feel hardness in my body as I type and that my connection with the delicateness and beauty of me is my first and foremost priority. Just sitting down with this intention has resulted in an incredible shift, enabling me to feel that I am already complete and enough without the words I am about to express needing to define me.

I have paused as I write to feel the power and simplicity of my words. And I have acknowledged that there is always more to express, yet in this moment it is to feel what is called for now.

I have typed without my glasses on. This means I cannot see the words clearly on the screen in the first instance, but given I can touch type, this is not a problem and has offered an exquisite opportunity to feel what I am writing and not critically refine it as I write. My hands are much less hard as a result.

There is a deeper level that I can take this to, for now I am much more aware of my fingertips on each pad of the keyboard and how I am pressing down – and that I can choose to do this in the lightness and delicateness of who I am. There is almost a melody and serenity in the ‘click click’ sound of the keyboard as I type under this impress. And my heart feels an opening and celebration for allowing me to bring me to typing in a way that I have not before.

I have also been very aware of my posture and how my workstation is set up to support me. This has included adjusting the height of my keyboard so that it slants upwards a little to support my hands and fingers for what they need today (on other days this may be different).

In honouring me, it has been very beautiful to write, and a pleasure to not merely share words, but to share me as I write.

The end result is a simple expansion of everything I am already and a simplicity in knowing I can bring this to the next expression, and then the next, without any drive, push or struggle within to do so.

By Susan Hayes, Ballarat, Victoria

Related Reading:
The Importance of Expressing Truth
Healing through Writing and Expressing
My Expression Counts – A Divine Job

617 thoughts on “My Relationship with Writing

  1. Thank You! I have not done much writing in my life, but I realize that I have much to say. When I get by the anxiety of , “I can not type” Or ” I do not speak well” and just trust that I have something important to say and just let go and It really does not matter what other people think of it. The writing just happens.
    And the more I write the easier it gets!

  2. This is beautiful and reminds me that I am a vehicle and I am not the one that is generating what comes out as expression, and I don’t’ actually own it, and my responsibility is in having the body positioned and in a quality that is able to let it flow.

  3. As with all expression… When we simply take that step to reconnect with our whole body intelligence, everything has the potential and the possibility to flow with grace and elegance.

  4. I used to write a journal where I would actually hold back or write things in a way which protect myself if others were to read it. So I really wasn’t expressing how I felt. I cared more about what others might think, even in a private journal. This took place in my life in general (and still does from time to time), but I am now more comfortable in my own skin and with my own expression.

  5. “I have decided I do not want to feel hardness in my body as I type and that my connection with the delicateness and beauty of me is my first and foremost priority.” I have a job to do today and I often bring in hardness and the complication and this feels inspiring to say no to that and that my connection with my delicateness and beauty of me is my priority. Thank you.

    1. Thank you Sarah, this was a great reminder for me to come back to today too and to allow this choice in all aspects of life.

  6. When our body is not in any form of tension and we are connected within, we automatically know what to write, as soon as we start to try to control what or how it is written, it no longer comes from heaven.

  7. Having a rigid preconceived idea of how long something should take leads to haste and contraction in the body and damages our health, physical and mental.

  8. This blog really brings home how our expression is stunted, after all, how many articles are produced every day that have an expected outcome attached to them. Either to get some monetary reward, recognition for our efforts, hooking people in to follow our series either in writing or on the tv – the list is endless.

  9. This is super interesting – I often feel I’d like to write a blog or whatever and I get a sense of what I need to say or what I’d like to convey and then I sit down and…. nothing. Your blog has me wondering if this stuntedness is simply an extended reflection of a lack of expression more widely spread in my life.

  10. Often I am not sitting in a way that the chair can support my back, I started to read your blog and felt to sit properly in my chair, so I changed my posture and used the whole chair so my upper legs and back are supported by my seat and both feet are on the ground, what a difference. My body clearly gives me a message that it feels honoured by me taking the time to adjust and feel what is of true support to sit and work at my desk.

  11. When I connect to purpose everything I do in life takes on a different quality and I can feel the flow, but when I am in drive I am pushing to get things done and there is an attachment to the outcome.

  12. I can see how when we have an attachment to something flowing in a certain way – as in having a picture of what we think that flow should look like, rather than it being a sense of a certain quality of flow from within us that we are staying with, then we can actually get in the way of our true flow!

  13. Beautiful as our relationship with truth is based on the level of truth lived: a strength in us, we choose to walk and hold dear as our value in life. There is no tainted version of truth.

  14. Thanks for sharing your experience of developing your relationship with writing. It is great to read how this has changed for you and how you are able to write from where your body is at.

  15. To know who we are and live each moment with consistency, feeling complete and enough is huge in today’s world. To feel enough before any doing sets the foundation so that I take all of me first, into what is being asked.

    1. I think that’s a great point Caroline and well said, it makes a significant difference on the quality of our expression if we are trying to make up for not feeling ‘good enough’, to seek recognition/ identification or if it is truly coming from a place of settlement and connection…

  16. When we write just like any form of expression the reality of what we are bringing through is all-ways open to what we have aligned to because of the energy we have aligned to and it will all-ways prevail and control our thoughts. And could it be a way to not be aligned to the ill energy is to not like it to the point of hating it? Then if we bring Love into the equation, it makes life a lot simple to feel that true Love or Truth.

    1. Yes Greg, a very valid point. While we invest in what is not true, it is not until we feel how awful this is that we can surrender and evolve to love and truth. This is with no judgement of what feels ugly in our lives and world – we just simply feel it as it is and know there is another way to return to. Not feeling it leaves us blind.

      1. And may I add Susan, that it can also be a life threatening illness, which will let us throw the anchor out and start to look for any level of truth.

  17. I’m reminded here that it’s as simple as how do I feel in my body as I type this, how delicate am I being with me and how am I appreciating this awareness as I type. It’s those simple things that make all the difference.

  18. This means there is no such thing as writer’s block when we connect to our body and allow our divine expression to flow through, because we have constant access to divine wisdom to write and express truth.

  19. I am so aware that when we lose a sense or take focus away from the most obvious sense like sight, the other senses become more acute. I will give it a go tomorrow. Perhaps you will start a ‘thing’ in blog writing without glasses!

  20. Thank you Susan, this is a very supportive read to remind myself that there is nothing asked of me that I already am and know and thus simply can express.

  21. Recently I have become aware of how I am typing. I noticed I would start and then my fingers would go into a blur going all over the place resulting in a lot of letters in the wrong place. I have focussed on slowing down my typing and being conscious of how my fingers are moving. Now they seem to flow together much more and there is a rhythmical flow to how I write and how the words come to me.

  22. I can say an absolute yes to the opening question. I have felt the agitation and disappointment of not being able to get down on paper what I have felt to express. I have also felt the opposite where the words flow out without effort, as though it writes itself.

  23. We can always feel when we read someone’s writing whether they are truly sharing themselves or whether they are holding back. When we are honest about our own writing we can feel the same thing and this is why when we write something it is such a great reflection for us.

  24. Your comment also about the posture Susan is noted… And this can be so useful… Just by simply slightly changing the way we are sitting or moving can change the flow of energy noticeably.

  25. There is whole-body-mindedness and then there is whole-body-writing, from within out and without expectations of how and what it should or must be. An honouring of our delicateness and of our power to express in truth.

  26. I have an age old thing with writing and I suppose I have carried it over from my school days and that is that I want it done as soon as possible so I can go out and play, so it was great to read this blog and get an understanding that there are many factors in being able to write so it is not loaded with a lot of energy that doesn’t need to be there.

    1. I understand what you are saying Kevmchardy. I have the opposite thing with writing where it is one of my favourite things to do and it is my play! So what I have been finding lately since my house-move is that work, housework, shopping for food (and at the moment house renovating) among other things, seem to occupy so much space that I can’t get to the thing I really love. I have to keep watching the reaction of frustration that comes up and surrender to the knowing that all things have their season and the space will arise again for me to write. I also have to keep vigilant that I live every task as the ‘one life’ and don’t treat writing as a ‘favourite’.

      1. ‘I have to keep watching the reaction of frustration that comes up and surrender to the knowing that all things have their season and the space will arise again for me to write.’ Thank you for sharing Lyndy, for the first time I felt that I do love writing but that I choose to delay by doing all the other things, that are needed too but I make no space to even start with writing, for me it is a holding back of the wisdom I feel there is to share.

  27. Attaching to outcomes stifles our natural and innate expression… whether that be writing, speaking, or the quality and way we move – all are ways of expressing.

    1. So true Paula, I have noticed this as well and also when I go into judgement or comparison, nothing flows. I get very stuck because the energy of judgement and comparison is stifling, it cripples my expression and poisons my body. There are many ways we can stunt our expression and it is great to expose them.

  28. When we learn to write at school we are given so little time to complete each task before we are rushed onto the next task. I remember clearly a friend of mine who always finished her work first and the teachers loved. I remember trying to be like her, to rush and to race to complete what I was doing leaving me behind. It is no wonder that I found it hard to find the words I needed and found the process stressful as I was focusing on someone else without any awareness of what I was feeling. What I learnt at school has stuck with me and it is only with constant reminding of feeling from my body first that I am re-learning to feel what is there to be expressed which has made such a difference not only to the quality but also to how much I get done.

  29. When we hold ourselves with judgement we close the door on an opportunity to heal and as I read the first couple of paragraphs how I could feel I was already judging myself about how long it takes me to do things and that time is ticking by and I still haven’t….., this pressure we put on ourselves to achieve stops the flow. I love how you bring it back to feeling your quality first and then allowing what is there to be said to be said. Interestingly whenever I type after reading this blog my focus is on the quality of my typing rather than the words, which allow the words just to flow.

    1. The pressure we out on ourselves and how it stops the flow is something to get on top of because it can distract us from the full expression of each and every one of us that is so needed in this world.

  30. ‘I judged myself harshly and this left me feeling deflated and exhausted!’ What we forget is that when we do this we are actually creating a low grade misery that ripples out to all around. Letting go of judgement frees us up to enjoy each other and allows light ripples to venture out and return.

  31. Beautifully shared Susan. In being attached to outcomes we instantly negate our appreciation of our innate connection to our truth, and our unique expression of it. For where does the picture we hold of the outcome we are supposed to achieve come from? Clearly not from us, from the essence of who we are, but rather created from the image of man and the world man lives in. Who we are within and what we are innately connected to is what guides us to express what is needed at any time in order for us to reflect the truth of who we are at every point.

  32. I love this blog Susan and often think of it whenever I feel stuck. You show no matter what the obstacle, if you honour what you feel – there is a way.

  33. ‘…it has been very beautiful to write, and a pleasure to not merely share words, but to share me as I write.’ A great point to remember that we are sharing everything we are, in everything that we do.

  34. I have observed that there is a huge force to curtail true expression. That affects us all in different ways for some it may be difficulty in writing and for others it may be in speaking for others they might over speak and not listen – whatever it takes there is an energy that does not want truth expressed hence the king has got no clothes on story.

  35. I’ve noticed on the rare occasion I allow myself to write freely that it is a lovely feeling just to write, to allow the flow and not get caught up in the semantics, polishing, grammar. That all comes with a second edit, but just to allow myself to write what I feel unrestricted… that is expression, and not something I naturally do when writing email or as part of my work.

  36. How lovely it is to feel our whole bodies in all activities we do and all ways in which we move within our lives as it only strengthens our connection to who we are and allows us to express in full appreciation of this grand vehicle in which we are residing in.

  37. Our written expression is super important, its part of the whole package of expression. Hold back on one part and we are holding back on our whole expression.

  38. Taking cake of ourselves while we do anything brings us into whatever the end result is. A great reminder of how lovely that feels rather than doing something at the expense of my body to fit a picture I may have.

  39. The energy running through my body to perform has felt so intense… cheeks are red, I feel hot, there’s a force or an all consuming trying and I feel very impatient wanting to get the writing done, a horrible feeling in my body which I thought at one time was ok and that was how it was – you could say a wonderful marker to call out and expose in my body of that which is nothing but from the individual/self in separation to my soul and hence not for the all.

  40. Very cool – so much interferes when we try and write, for me I feel a pressure to perform, and I always question if I can capture the magic I know with words? But it’s amazing if I just let all that go and surrender knowing that everything I need to say is already there.

    1. I am finding this amazing too Meg that I can sense in a split second that it is all there inside me, what needs to said is all there. I simply know and all I have to do is let go of any doubt that may want to creep in and align 100% to saying yes to connecting to me and allowing the divine expression, my essence to come through.

  41. Being aware of my whole body whilst I’m doing something gives me a true marker for the quality that I’m expressing with.

  42. ‘In honouring me, it has been very beautiful to write, and a pleasure to not merely share words, but to share me as I write.’ This is very much felt , thank you Susan.

  43. Thank you Susan for sharing what I can very much relate to in my past. Losing myself to an expectation I was holding in the future put me off writing. I knew on a particular occasion what I had written was not from love and so did not deliver it. I also expressed how I felt but left it at that. This blog supports and confirms me in the knowing what I sense and have sensed is true. It is also a reflection in my daily living in that I know in my absoluteness, truth ‘good or bad’ in my body and to not jeopardise it in any way, shape or form but to accept it as it is and either confirm it within me or/and change my movements to be and express love and make love in the knowing of who I am as my priority.

  44. The key is in sharing, that it comes from and through one´s body and thus is real and relatable and not just writing about something.

  45. The age-old trick of anticipating the outcome, response or reaction from others, what may be accepted or judged, basically who and how we need to be so that we are okay takes away from us the natural and full expression that otherwise would simply occur.

  46. There is a lot of good advice in this blog and I feel that if the appreciation of ourselves is there and is real and we are not invested in the outcome the words will just flow. If I was to think too much about people reading what I write, which is a kind of attachment, the words wouldn’t flow either.

  47. This is beautiful Susan, ‘my heart feels an opening and celebration for allowing me to bring me to typing in a way that I have not before.’

  48. Writing has been something I hated and struggled with from the moment I learned how to do it. Through the studies of Universal Medicine, I have healed so much in regard to my relationship with writing. I was reflecting this morning that because I write every day, sometimes I read what I have written and think, wow, who wrote that, that’s amazing. I find it an effortless and enjoyable integral part of my day now.

    1. I was told at school that I wasn’t good at creative writing and my grammar / spelling was no good too and I still carry much if this with me, although as you say through writing on a daily basis the way I write is changing and there are times when I think where did those words come from as what I’ve wanted to say has just flowed with words that I’m not that familiar with.

  49. Reading your blog Susan has caused me to pause and re-evaluate my approach to how I write and lo and behold – I found I could tick quite a few of the things you have nominated at the start. Thank you – I have now steadied myself and I can feel the tension drain from my body. Of course the beautiful thing is the flow on effect and I sense that I will take a different quality to the next thing I move onto.

  50. I like how you took a moment to connect with your quality, and then, your intention was when typing to do so with ‘ my connection with the delicateness and beauty of me is my first and foremost priority.’

  51. I’ve noticed that sometimes when we haven’t done something for a while – such as express – that when we begin to do it again, whilst it is all there within us, we have to feel the momentum of not having done it.

  52. We can say Susan from your post that, “My Relationship with Writing”… is simply [reflective of] the relationship with oneself. We write and express in accordance to how we are relating with ourselves transferring that quality to our writing.

  53. The moment we more consciously include the body in what we do (it is anyway but it suits us to forget!), we become aware of the tension and can work on releasing it.

  54. I love how you have evolved in your expression and your love of yourself and your body in your writing. If this is the end result of taking simple love and care and giving voice to our body in writing imagine what is possible when we take this elsewhere to our work, family life, cooking and living in general?

  55. Beautiful Susan, what is of far greater importance is how we express rather than focusing on the end result because it’s in the ‘how’ that we determine and ensure it’s quality.

  56. Susan it is great how you have overcome so many of the obstacles so many of us have towards writing and ultimately expressing the truth we all know and feel within. At school so much of our spontaneity and creativity is taken out of our essays or stories gaining reward for using sentence structure and adjectives etc. Trying to capture and entice the reader rather than simply presenting truth. I know I mastered how to manipulate essays to gain top marks at school and so it is almost like we have to unwire ourselves back to our true selves so the jargon and what we have been told to write does not come before the truth we know.

    1. It is true James we learn to write in a certain way at school that gains marks but is not a true form of writing where we write from impulse and from what we really feel. Writing to tick the boxes and gain favour with the teacher becomes the norm, and it is this we have to undo.

      1. I found it echoed into all aspects and areas of my life always wanting to please or gain favour with others rather than simply being and saying what I felt at the time. So often we think we know what another will say so we alter our speach or writting so as not to get a reaction instead of being us – so all we do is set up situations to stay the same which frustrates us and nothing changes!

  57. I love this Susan, as I recognise a lot in what you share. And your shift can be felt from the quality of your blog which feels tender, open and loving. What a great example of the fact that everything is energy and all we do leaves an imprint of that quality.

  58. Supremely simple Susan but a very different approach, one that shows all to be how each moment is and that it’s not about the outcome, it’s in each detail and each move, and in taking care of that the wider details are addressed.

  59. With all that you have changed in how you go about writing Susan, I look forward to what you will have on offer in the future. For me if we are invested in the outcome, it is starting off on the wrong foot from the very start.

  60. Bringing myself back to the way I’m moving or holding my body – the kind of posture that I’m in makes a huge difference to the quality of thoughts that I have and how I feel inside and so it makes complete sense to me that to have an awareness and care for our whole body whilst writing will make a difference to the way the writing flows and the quality of the output!

  61. Susan, this is such a beautiful elegy to movement and the fact that how we move in each thing we go, and not just physically is key for if we take care of those details, little and large we create space for us to express without an outcome and just be who we are.

  62. When we are in school we are taught what we need to do, Maths, English, Science etc… but we are not taught about the quality in which we produce this work.
    If a friend or potential boyfriend perhaps, is really drunk and decides to text’s you, you can feel it. This is proof that the quality and state we are in when we write then affects the reader. But you do not have to be drunk to change your quality, you could be frustrated, angry, cold, uncomfortable and without even realising it you have affect the energetic quality of your writing. What you are offering is create a space that is supportive and the writing will flow, plus you know what you are putting out is clear for the reader.

    1. Same goes with when we work, how we are gets transferred to what we then produce and yet we can rationalise that we’ve done our job, ticked the boxes, got out what was required and got paid but not reflect on how our emotions are then felt by others. Dealing with what comes up for us the best way we can and asking for support when needed makes a massive difference to the quality in which we live and consequently put out.

  63. ‘I have paused as I write to feel the power and simplicity of my words. And I have acknowledged that there is always more to express, yet in this moment it is to feel what is called for now.’ Awesome Susan.

    1. Yes this was a simple and very precious moment indeed to pause and feel the quality of me without any need to rush into or out expectations on what was to be next.

  64. How often do we intellectualise impulses and then action something, a conversation, project or activity that is so close to what we initially felt was true yet so far from the quality as it has become complicated or expectation based..

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