Domestic Violence – have we Normalised this Abuse?

Why is it that when we hear the words domestic violence, people often look the other way or feel very uncomfortable? It’s as if we don’t really want to know that it exists and think if we talk in hushed tones, others won’t overhear what we are saying.

In the media and throughout the community it is not given enough airtime or is toned down considerably. In fact, it is now called ‘domestic violence,’ when in reality is it simply an extreme form of abuse.

The statistics for domestic violence in Australia are shocking to say the least and expose just what really goes on behind closed doors in our ‘lucky country.’ These statistics don’t include the many incidences that go unreported.

When one woman is killed in Australia every week by a current or former partner (1), it is not an exaggeration to say domestic violence is a serious issue that needs addressing. Even if ‘only’ one woman was killed per year, it should be enough to send alarm bells throughout the community and the media.

The more serious cases might be reported, but equally harming are the cases that are not reported and accepted as ‘normal’ or diminished in everyday society due to the woman feeling that they don’t have the strength to report such incidences from lack of self-worth or fears for their own life.

There are so many women who are living on eggshells, tip-toeing around their partner like prisoners in their own homes, feeling powerless and anxious about how to leave their situation without further abuse, and at times simply doing everything possible to survive.

Our governments and politicians work tirelessly to ensure that our borders and country remain safe and protected from any terrorist threat or attack. Yet that same focus and commitment does not secure the gates and picket fences of suburbia. The fact is, Australians are more at risk from domestic violence than they ever would be from a terrorist attack.

Sure, we need to do whatever it takes to keep our country safe from a terrorist attack or threat, but if we are considering the safety of our citizens, then we need to look at what is happening in our homes every day.

It seems we have ‘normalised’ this type of abuse to the point that it doesn’t affect us or we turn a blind eye. Some might suggest ignorance is bliss, but these households are anything but bliss for women and children. And this is not just about women and children – men also experience abuse at alarming rates as well. Our teens also need support with the abuse and bullying they are experiencing everyday via social media or at school. It is obvious that there is a real need for many to feel heard and supported to know how to cope with abuse, and in how to leave an abusive relationship.

To bring any true change, we could begin by speaking more freely about the subtle forms of abuse in our relationships with others and explore the abuse we are encountering in our own lives, no matter how small or large this may be.

What if looking at abuse at the smallest level and calling it out allows us to deal with the more harming forms of abuse? If we don’t look at the more subtle forms of abuse, we may never be willing to look at how we can heal and address the darker and deeper forms of it.

I know for myself, I wasn’t willing to look at the abuse I lived with in my own life. I was abusing myself with food, unhealthy behaviours, drama and those self-deprecating thoughts that I would continually beat myself up with. Is it little wonder I wasn’t more proactive when abuse entered my own relationship? It wasn’t until I began to address the abuse I lived with from myself and others that I realised the cycle of abuse I had come to think as me was in truth miles away from the loving and precious woman I am, and that it was time to really honour myself and treat myself with love and respect.

So the antidote for abuse in my life was this self-honouring – listening to what I was truly feeling and not dismissing myself or doubting myself in any way. The more honouring of myself I was, even in the simplest of ways, the more I felt an inner strength and deeper respect for myself. It was the simple things like eating more nurturing foods, having a walk, not allowing any self-deprecating thoughts, going to bed early, and surrounding myself with supportive and loving friends that made a significant difference to how I felt every day.

Then, over time, I became more willing to see the abuse I had accepted from myself and others without any judgment or self-bashing. From there, my commitment to not turning a blind eye to the abuse around me grew. I began to see all the areas of abuse, both large and small, that I had conveniently turned away from before.

I now know that when we stay silent or ‘keep the peace’ to avoid rocking the boat, we can end up staying in an arrangement that gives abuse a louder voice.

It is our silence that allows domestic violence to proliferate in society.

If we look abuse in the eyes instead of retreating as I once did, it becomes a powerful tool for change. It doesn’t need our aggression or retaliation, simply a willingness to stand up and speak out against even the smallest of abuses with each other and with ourselves.

And yes, it would be ideal to have governments, politicians and the appropriate authorities ensure that those who offend with this type of abuse, either in the community or online, are made more accountable for their damaging actions. But this must not take away from the fact of the responsibility we all hold, how powerful we are as individuals and as a collective, to stand up and say no to abuse in all its forms.

“The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it.” (Albert Einstein)

References:

  1. Aic.gov.au. (2017). Homicide in Australia: 2010–11 to 2011–12: National Homicide Monitoring Program report. [online] Available at: http://www.aic.gov.au/publications/current%20series/mr/21-40/mr23.html [Accessed 6 Dec. 2017].

By Anna Douglass, International Flight Attendant, Mother, dedicated student of the Ageless Wisdom, Australia

Related Reading:
Domestic violence … Are we All Responsible for the Cycle of Abuse?
“Why did you stay?” An Insight into Abuse
Behind Closed Doors

514 thoughts on “Domestic Violence – have we Normalised this Abuse?

  1. These days we consider violence in all its varied forms as abuse but don’t stop to consider the way we treat ourselves with negative self-talk and disregard as abuse… but any way we treat ourselves that is not loving = abuse… anything that does not come with the true quality of love = abuse.

    1. I actually find that some people don’t want to use the word abuse under any circumstances – they baulk at using the word at all – even when the abuse is obvious. There is something about calling abuse for what it is, and when that is done we don’t like it – as it calls us to reflect on how we are living in other parts of our lives too.

  2. The more I ponder on what abuse it, the more I begin to realise the subtle ways we accept abuse and dish it out. What a disgrace it is to our immense fragility within, especially when we know deep down that the power of our tenderness can melt the hardest of hearts.

    1. Such a good point. Even a slight raising of our voice or even speaking unlovingly without even raising our voice is felt by another as abuse. And if we feel hurt by this the world tells us to toughen up and develop a thicker skin. Perhaps the world has got this and much else very wrong?

      1. I agree. The moment we do something that goes against our loving nature, there is a question to ask ourselves. Rather than doubt what we have sensed and start the ‘toughening up’ process, perhaps we should look more deeply into where the impulse to act that way came from.

      2. Yes once we stat to recognise that everything is an energy coming through us rather than it being us, we can start to be more objective in our analysis of such occurrences.

      3. I agree Doug the world has got this wrong and it starts with the subtle forms of abuse such as raising our voices which we accept and then slowly the forms get more and more out of control until we have the situation today where levels of domestic violence are accepted. The more we see ourselves as love first and foremost then we will see that anything less than love is abuse otherwise we will continue to play this game of hurt and blame without being all the love we so easily can be.

      4. I agree – even a look or a thought is abusive – and I have been noticing those moments more and more recently, where I might dismiss another, or ‘tut’ to myself if I am frustrated by another, or wish they would stop talking so I can get on with my day – all of which is horrid – and all of which the other person feels. And in that learning Im then asking myself what it is within me that has that reaction to another person – and what is the quality of my relationship with myself at that moment. E.g. if I havent given myself enough space to get to work – and I am frustrated by another – I am actually frustrated by myself for not allowing enough space – and how irresponsible is it when I get frustrated with another because of that – when in the end it was down to me and me alone.

      5. I feel that we are all being called to be more responsible in all our relationships with others and all the little ways in which we are irresponsible are being exposed to us.

  3. “What if looking at abuse at the smallest level and calling it out allows us to deal with the more harming forms of abuse?” There was a saying at work that was if you deal with the small things, we never end up with the big issues. To me it’s therefore logical that if we are willing to look at the small amounts of abuse then we will not accept the more extreme levels.

  4. It certainly is up to us to nominate even the smallest of abuse – to see it for what it is. But I have to be honest that the abuse I have allowed in my life has always confirmed my self worth – when I was not feeling great or appreciating myself, then abuse from others was easy to allow.

  5. It feels very strong to be having this conversation about abuse. Bringing the truth of it to our daily lives and maybe conversations beyond this thread; waking us up to the ways we contribute to the enormous abuses in the world.

    1. I agree Matilda – this needs to be talked about everywhere, to bring a real awareness to the disharmony we are allowing and living on a daily basis.

    2. Yes, Matlida. Thanks for this. I find it very comfortable to talk about such things on pages like these, but do I really stop and express this so openly elsewhere? Sometimes, yes. Consistently, no as there is still a holding back in certain situations. How pertinent to note therefore that this in itself allows and contributes to the enormous abuses in the world. Ouch.

  6. ‘The fact is, Australians are more at risk from domestic violence than they ever would be from a terrorist attack.’ So much attention is given to terrorist attacks and yet we face increasing attacks within our homes and don’t say a word about it. This is where the real war is at, we just don’t want to face up to it.

    1. Very true Susan. The real war is already occurring in our homes and therein lies the answer to all war, to build a home of love. If we really take this to heart, how can we ever produce a human being who would know how to be aggressive?

  7. Such a good point. Haven’t we swept all the non physical abuse under the carpet at a stroke by defining the extreme as domestic violence. This should be discussed because the truth is that much of the non physical domestic abuse is far worse than the domestic violence, which of course is horrific and completely unacceptable in itself, but the non physical often goes on for decades and completely destroys the foundations of the person receiving the abuse, leaving them with no self worth and unable to contribute to society. Much worse than a bruise which will heal in a few weeks. We need to realise that all abuse is abuse and that the mental abuse is often far more damaging than the physical abuse.

    1. Great point Doug of the mental abuse that can go on for years and never leave a visible mark, how do we know how widespread this problem is? It usually is only found out after tragic incidents. The other end of the scale is the US. Between 2009 and July 2015 a survey found 57% of mass shootings (more than four people killed), the shooter targeted a family member or partner.

      1. We don’t really know how widespread the problem is because no one is even looking but I would surmise that there is some mental abuse in almost every home on the planet. It is not normal but it is everywhere.

    2. Agree. And what does that say to future generations when they see this to be the way – and think it is normal, yet it is far from normal, and far from the truth of who we are.

  8. Our silence is a deep level of responsiblity that we desperately are running from. The question is what is so mighty that we feel we need to ignore and run away from it when we really do know it is happening and know how harmonious it can really be when we are equals.

  9. Perhaps one of the reason why we don’t want to know about domestic violence is because we do not want to face the fact that those closest to us abuse us rather than cherish us?

    1. And we place certain types of abuse as ‘worse’ than others e.g. Im okay in my relationship because I don’t get beaten up – yet, there are so many aspects to abuse – and we are naive to think that we are not living in abuse just because it isn’t physical or extreme. What’s more is that abuse starts with our relationship with ourselves. In recent years Ive been surprised by the degree of abuse that I have lived in. The more I choose to be aware the more I see, and yet the more I see the more empowered I feel to make changes.

  10. “The more honouring of myself I was, even in the simplest of ways, the more I felt an inner strength and deeper respect for myself.” This is the key to self worth.

  11. Any word, movement, choice or thought that dis-honours the truth of who we are is a form of abuse. With a commitment to this absolute and simplicity, then the way forward is clear.

  12. It really does defy belief what we have been able to normalise over the ages and this domestic violence crisis is no exception, and it is a crisis and we do need to speak up and we do need to offer support and look at it from all angles without judgement to any party.

  13. It is a significant fact that by accepting abuse we too are abusing. We are in effect saying that it is okay for another to remain in their hurt, disconnection and emptiness and for the force of evil to come through them , because when in their true essence love would be their expression. Saying no to abuse supports both the abused and the abuser.

    1. “It is a significant fact that by accepting abuse we too are abusing.” It is clearly all round a lose-lose scenario, and on the flip side by calling out abuse we not only put a stop to that energy in the immediate instance but also it rings around the globe in ripples, to be known by everyone.

      1. I so love this ripple effect talk. I am getting it more and more than nothing, absolutely nothing, takes place in isolation of everything else. Every single thought, word, action or movement has repercussions far deeper and wider than we allow ourselves to even imagine. How significant then is it for us to pay attention in detail to the quality of our every single interaction.

  14. People are so used to abusing their so-called ‘loved ones’ that it has become commonplace to be cruel and harsh with family members. The other day I was visiting an elderly client who always speaks glowingly of her daughter that I got the impression they had a great relationship, but then I met the daughter, and the mother was very cutting with the way she spoke to her. It was as if it was a different person sitting in front of me and I could tell that the daughter was upset and embarrassed to be spoken to in this way in front of me.

  15. Abuse is abuse… even in the smallest detail of how we treat ourselves, in how we pick something up or touch something – it is all energy and always felt.

  16. “There are so many women who are living on eggshells, tip-toeing around their partner like prisoners in their own homes” you know this is very common, even to a much lesser degree there can be an underlying anxiousness in a relationship due to an unpredictability of a partner’s behaviour where this tiptoe posture is almost unnoticed in its ‘normality’, yet it is far from the trusting, steady and loving relationships we are capable of having.

  17. The more we make a move to our fragility and tenderness, the more apparent the layers of abuse that previously we would have accepted as quite normal behaviour. Fine tuning our inner relationship builds a steady adherence to self respect that only has one way to move – respecting everyone else too.

    1. Very true, Steve. How much of what we are not ‘seeing’ is actually known, because our bodies feel and register every thing, but we are choosing not to feel it through numbing ourselves with food or whatever it is for us, thereby, avoiding bringing it into are awareness?

    2. I remember hearing this saying ‘Ignorance is Bliss’ when I was young and I wondered how this could be so, and yet I too turned a blind eye to so many things that I knew were not true. Now I see it as an excuse to not take responsibility.

  18. It is a sad reflection of where we are as a race when we only choose to look at major forms of abuse, for example as in slavery and terrorists attacks, and fail to see the abuse within our home and not to mention our abusive behaviors towards our own body and wellbeing. It is these normalized forms of abuse that we accept which add energy to and thus support the major forms of abuse at play throughout our world.

  19. Abuse is abuse is abuse and it’s existence is our responsibility. What we all need to do is look in minute detail at our lives to see where we not only allow it, but seek it and welcome it. It is for each of us to deal with and put a stop to.

  20. Another ugly symptom of living in separation from our true self – through reconnecting to all that we truly are, individually and together, will remove the possibility of these things being present in our way of life.

  21. Some may say that normalised abuse and silent abuse are worse than the obvious physical/gruesome abuse that we see. And I would tend to agree with that statement as how do you deal with something that is under a pretence of being ‘Okay’ or even ‘non-existent’?

    1. Yes, it really pays to be aware and honour this awareness because then we can respond to the abuse directly and not get affected by it. Otherwise we may find ourselves much affected but further down the line and not know the means by which we let it in so it is harder to remove.

  22. ‘The more honouring of myself I was, even in the simplest of ways, the more I felt an inner strength and deeper respect for myself.’ and I love the simple ways you outline. So many of us can benefit from this knowing.

  23. The fact that most of us cringe at the use of the word abuse whilst we tolerate its existence by our silence, is a huge indication of the lack of responsibility we have become accustomed to live with.

    1. This irresponsible way of living in no way reflects the truth of who we are, we are allowing in an energy that is the complete opposite of the love that we are. It’s through surrender and choosing to honour ourselves that we allow the space to identify any unresolved hurts, when nominated we close the entry points preventing the abusive energy from repeating it’s pattern.

  24. Yes… Another symptom of a world where the values are totally reversed to the way they should be… where decency respect and honouring are normal and self-love and appreciation are the foundations of everyone’s life.

    1. I totally agree the values that we live by or what we take as normal today is so far away from the true values we know and feel. The true values that we have to suppress for the fact that they are so rare in society. Yet the true values if we didn’t supress them would change the world.

  25. Everywhere we look we see images of violence, we have become masters at desensitising our selves to the reality of physical and emotional violence to such an extent we think it normal. Our bodies are so sensitive, as are the beings living inside them! The biggest question humanity has to ask itself is why in this world, we are choosing to ignore our precious and glorious nature and pretend that violence is am ordinary component of life.

  26. ‘If we look abuse in the eyes instead of retreating as I once did, it becomes a powerful tool for change.’ I have cowered in the face of much abuse in the belief that ignoring it would make it go away or not be so painful. I thought to see it in all its ugliness was like volunteering to be crushed because I’d stood up. But all I had been doing was covering up my eyes and like a little child say, ‘there you can’t see me now because I can’t see you.’ To not feel abuse I have found requires me to abuse myself in someway by numbing out what I feel. Far wiser to feel abuse when it is at play and move in a way that doesn’t allow it in.

  27. With the Florida high school massacre in USA yesterday, it begs the question, how bad do things have to get before changes are made? These shootings are happening so often that there is almost an acceptance that they will occur, which is horrendous to even consider. It’s not if, but when, where and how bad will it be.

  28. “The fact is, Australians are more at risk from domestic violence than they ever would be from a terrorist attack.” And so we become our own terrorists by the way we choose to treat our selves. And therein lies our biggest lesson, that strangers do not just impose the violence in this world upon us, it can be fed by our internal anger and frustrations born from the lack of true self-regard.

  29. When we choose to love instead of abuse for ourselves, we will not accept it from others and have a responsibility to call it out when it happens.

    1. And left alone, an acorn grows into an oak tree, which, left to grow, then produces a plethora of acorns and so the cycle continues.

  30. Shortly after I got married some people asked how things were going. I shared with them that they were awesome, and they seemed surprised and said, ‘give it time’. I can feel how this attitude that being married or in a long-term relationship brings an expectation of problems contributes to us accepting that things can become abusive. We should realise the potential of relationships to deepen and be more of our true selves, bringing more love and understanding to life – I can understand how this is not the case for many relationships but can also clearly see and am experiencing the possibility for them to be constantly more loving and evolving.

    1. Agreed Michael, we often look for the negative. I remember when I just got married and after only a couple months I was asked if the cracks were showing in our relationship yet ! It was like there was this expectation that love does’t last.

    2. Super interesting Michael – so is the normal for relationships to gradually allow more and more abuse in (because we are ‘nice’ and don’t call it out), or could it be an opportunity to work through all those little bits of abuse and then the relationship deepens? Always our choice….

  31. “equally harming are the cases that are not reported and accepted as ‘normal’ or diminished in everyday society” – we absolutely have a say, through what we accept (or do not accept), in the level of love our communities know as normal.

  32. Couples can swear at each other or they bicker, nit picking here and there – it is all forms of abuse, may not be physical violence but energetically it is the same and can be psychologically damaging in a way that leads to poor physical health.

  33. ‘Why is it that when we hear the words domestic violence, people often look the other way or feel very uncomfortable?’ This gives so much away because we know what we have accepted and we have turned a blind eye to it.

  34. I have abused many, many people throughout my life and the starting point for all of that abuse was my self abuse. I am now deeply honouring of many people in my life and again the starting point for that honouring is the fact that I honour myself.

  35. Abuse is everywhere in our lives, we have accepted it as normal so don’t even see it anymore, but the body registers it, every word of it and we poison ourselves with it. Our choice.

  36. I wonder if domestic violence has always been normalised? In quite a few religions husbands beating wives is accepted and in some cultures we find that female skeletons from the very recent past have extensive bruising on their skulls and broken bones. The further back we go, the worse it may be.

  37. The smallest self-abuses we accept as a normal leave the door wide open for bigger abuses to walk into our lives un-abated! “Evil lurks in the heart of man, and anonymity tends to bring it out” (Sophocles)

  38. ‘ … if we are considering the safety of our citizens, then we need to look at what is happening in our homes every day.’ – how do we treat our selves on a day to day level, how do we treat each other, do we have different standards for family members versus our friends or work colleagues ….. I feel this blog really poses the question for us all to look at how we are truly living and consider to what extent have we allowed any abuse into our lives.

  39. ‘Then, over time, I became more willing to see the abuse I had accepted from myself and others without any judgment or self-bashing.’ this is so important, to not judge or bash oursleves with the awareness of abuse we have allowed in our lives..and this in turn allows to take the steps to change how we have been.

  40. I used to beat myself up when I became aware of the abusive ways with myself and allowed from others, but this in itself is an abuse. Getting to a place where there is much less judgement of myself supports me greatly in looking more clearly at the abuse I am choosing and allowing to be in my life.. and also of the abuse in the world.

  41. It’s looking at the smallest and most minute detail of any abuse we allow in our lives, whether through sarcasm or a direct full out attack, for in us we can eradicate this and offer a different reflection to the world.

    1. Same with movements, the amount of times I do something carelessly like lean over in a way my body finds difficult – and I override it, yet that is abuse, and that makes my body have to compensate/work harder. Similarly if I ever go out without enough layers on a cold day – my body has to fight the cold and that is abuse. Abuse is in everything in life, thoughts, movements, – as you say in every detail.

  42. We have normalised abuse because we have already been living in abuse for abuse to have gained access in our every day lives. When we live with the love of our sacred selves eventually abuse becomes a thing of our distant past to render it impossible or unimaginable that we ever even lived that (abusive) way in the first place.

  43. ‘Why is it that when we hear the words domestic violence, people often look the other way or feel very uncomfortable?’ I agree and I was horrified to feel in me that when I read the title of this blog part of me dismissed the words ‘domestic violence’ .. we see or hear the words domestic violence and if it does not directly affect us in someway we dismiss it!!! And this behaviour and attitude that has gone on for way to long and contributes to it. A friend posted on facebook the other day how Russia have made it legal for husbands or partners to hit and physically abuse women …. Legal!!!! Showing that 308 people against 3 in parliament voted for this … FOR this!!!! My response was ‘how can this be?’ How have we got to such a stage that we are making abuse legal! This is truly not okay and shows that much has to be addressed here. On talking further with this with a colleague of mine she mentioned a documentary that Stacey Dooley had done regarding this in Russia which is apparently quite hard hitting .. I haven’t had a chance to watch this yet http://bbc.in/2EtdoGG This is so true “The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it.” (Albert Einstein)

  44. I love how you give us the antidote Anna .. all we have to do for abuse in our lives is to honour ourselves, we are worth it. When we stop dismissing and doubting ourselves, we can feel how we knew this all along.

  45. It is as you say Anna: If you, women, abuse them selves, it is very easy to accept abuse from other, from men. So yes domestic violence should be stopped, but it all comes down to us first. Stopping the abuse in our lives.

  46. Could it be when we are feeling imposed upon by another we should simple go-for-a-walk-together and discuss our differences before it becomes an issue that we blown out of the water. So maybe, this will become an ”antidote for abuse,” rather than switching off to another feelings, or switching on the TV.

  47. The moment we speak to another with a tone in our voice that is unloving then we are open to being abusive. We can become aware of our feeling behind everything we say and do and this reveals our true intentions and either the harm or healing which will result.

    1. Spot on Michael – and this abusive tone comes from the way we are with ourselves, perhaps a hardening, a disconnection, our own contraction away from what we know to be a loving way to be with another, perhaps because we too were abused and have turned to that as a way to deal with the world. This is not an excuse nor a reason to continue as such, but it is a way to understand and not judge, and then learn to build deeper and deeper the relationship with self that is far more supportive. I know I have and still am doing this in increments, as the deeper I go with learning to self respect and self love, the more I get to feel how much deeper I can go! Amazing really!

  48. “What if looking at abuse at the smallest level and calling it out allows us to deal with the more harming forms of abuse?” I agree. Also when we begin to honour ourselves, it’s much easier to spot abusive behaviour and call it out. Someone arriving late for a meeting without giving a valid reason, is an example of abuse and routinely accepted in some communities. Unless we speak up the behaviour becomes a norm. Speaking up confirms the measure of self worth we have for ourselves.

  49. ‘Why is it that when we hear the words domestic violence, people often look the other way or feel very uncomfortable?’ Because we do not like to see the reflection it shows us where we have abuse in our own lives, where we self abuse with critical thoughts and self judgement, with being hard on ourselves, and, by being the same way with everyone around us.

  50. With a world that lives in dishonour and self-doubt learning to honour ourselves can be tricky if we don’t have positive role models that show the way forward with this… it can be an unknown and feel a bit alien. But for me I say, thank goodness for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that has shown what self-honouring really looks like and reminding me to trust my inner-feeling and to not dismiss it.

  51. “…have we Normalised this Abuse?” – the fact that abuse exists as such normality is evident of our downfall as a race over the millennia. And hence we have all that amount to travel back and to heal before our normality is simply the love we are and walked away from.

  52. When people hear the words domestic violence, I see that men can feel guilty/ashamed and women can go into blaming. A wall appears between the sexes and neither take responsibility for the little choices to abuse ourselves or others that allows domestic violence to be so rife and silently tolerated in society.

  53. To discuss this huge and shocking topic and to invite us all to consider the impact of us self-honouring ourselves, on the abuse in the world is inspiring – because there is something we can do about a global crisis and we can be touched by the fact of our connection to one another.

  54. ‘It is our silence that allows domestic violence to proliferate in society.’ And it is this silence that allows us to play down abuse that we foster in our own lives.

  55. It’s interesting that there are campaigns all over to rid the world of war yet not so many to rid the world of domestic violence… perhaps it is time to adjust our priorities.

  56. Awesome blog Anna, in supporting us to realise that domestic violence and abuse is something we need to address together as a society, but that it all begins within each one of us us in terms of us allowing ourselves to care more deeply for ourselves and bring that self respect and value, first and foremost!

  57. “I now know that when we stay silent or ‘keep the peace’ to avoid rocking the boat, we can end up staying in an arrangement that gives abuse a louder voice.” – Silence feeds abuse…turning a blind eye feeds abuse… pretending it is not happening, feeds abuse…It is only in the face of evil that we can put an end to the very thing that we feed, that stops us from living who we are in full.

  58. Understanding that in every case of domestic violence it is a 50/50 contribution from both parties is key, even though one person may be more obviously abusing the other. This understanding allows the opportunity for true self-responsibility rather than blame or playing the victim.

  59. ‘What if looking at abuse at the smallest level and calling it out allows us to deal with the more harming forms of abuse?’ – not only are we saying no to the abuse, physically and energetically, but we are also giving the abuser the opportunity to stop and deeply consider their behaviour, allowing greater awareness, understanding and the consideration to choose love over abuse moving forward.

  60. It is a fact that more emphasis and funds are placed on protecting borders in the aim of making a country safe, yet there is far more danger of attack and death from within the boundaries of our own homes, even the extremely common (normal) disrespect and bullying experienced at work is now not seen as a dangerous signal.

    1. Well said Rosanna – our news headlines are dominated by outrage at terrorism and the groups who employ it as the way of attacking others and yet there is a strong similarity between it and domestic violence which we have seemingly accepted as part of life in our societies.

  61. It is fascinating to observe and see where priorities lie for a country. This example is mind baffling that domestic violence is expected and accepted as normal yet the resources government have and power ignores such devastating issues. But what I do love in this blog is how it actually also comes back to us individually and how we let abuse in on the smallest scale play out in our lives, start with ourselves first and then others. We can all stop and bring much needed awareness to what we are accepting as normal.

  62. ‘I know for myself, I wasn’t willing to look at the abuse I lived with in my own life.’ …and here lies the answer, why we are willing to turn a blind eye when abuse is right in front of us – because we have already allowed it into our lives.

  63. The statistic “one woman is killed in Australia every week by a current or former partner …” is alarming, raising the importance of how relationships we have with ourselves comes before the relationship we then develop and build with one another.

  64. If the walls of our homes were not solid, or if they were open and we could see behind closed doors, so to speak, I think we would be in for a shock in terms of how we relate to each other. It is possible, that there is something about the way we accept ways of being treated and spoken to because it is from ‘family’ rather than what we would allow from others.

    1. Definitely, you raise a great point here, Rachel. There are patterns of behaviour that play out in families that are so deeply entrenched and they are accepted as normal and just the way things are, irrespective of whether they are abusive or not. It’s as though we are conditioned to accept our family as they are, in spite of their behaviour.

  65. As humans we have the capacity to hold ourselves and others with deep love and understanding. If there is anything that we find irritating or infuriating about someone we need to look at ourselves first before blaming, hating or attacking. Perhaps if we understood where our reaction was coming from and why, we would have more of a capability of stopping any form of attack and instead bringing the understanding we are capable of. Anything that is not of a loving nature is an attack and is abuse. We need to be aware of this in order to stop domestic violence as it is currently known.

  66. It’s interesting how we can justify our inaction when faced with, ‘minor’ acts of abuse, by convincing ourselves that compared to the plethora of terrible atrocities going on in our world today, it’s not that bad. Such illusion – that’s showing that we’re already accepting a certain level of abuse as being normal or acceptable. Abuse is abuse however great or small it is, an acceptance of any abuse is an acceptance of all abuse.

  67. ‘So the antidote for abuse in my life was this self-honouring – listening to what I was truly feeling and not dismissing myself or doubting myself in any way.’ Honouring our feelings gives us an honesty about what we accept or not, from ourselves and others and is the start of bringing true value back into our lives.

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s