Where does frugality come from? Is it good or bad? Is it something that is entrenched in the way we are raised and determined by our parents’ outlook on life and their financial standing? Is it lingering from times of war and depression? Why is it so entrenched in Christianity? Is it only about money or does it permeate much deeper than dollars and cents alone?
These are questions that have arisen over recent times as I begin to realise that I have lived my life with no true connection to who I truly am, just a reduced version of the real me that I now know is an avoidance of the responsibility I have to bring my true power to everything I do. This way of living life is the polar opposite of how it can be and as I unpick each layer built up to cover my true essence, I look into the nooks and crannies of what has influenced me throughout my life.
I grew up in very modest post war means, living in Government supported housing. My father had fought in WWII and was employed in a longstanding job, as many did in those days, but as I see it now, well below his capabilities.
Our life was simple – we never owned a car – so I caught the bus to school and we walked everywhere we could, and I still enjoy walking wherever I can. Otherwise it was public transport and groceries were delivered from the store in the city out to us in the suburbs. Growing up, nothing was wasted yet there was no feeling of abundance except at Christmas time, when we would buy a Christmas hamper with all sorts of goodies, including some we didn’t like, and Dad would buy a live chicken from the nearby chicken farm, and slaughter it for us for Christmas Dinner.
I started dressmaking at a young age, and remember being very proud of my outfit for my Year 8 School Fair (age 13), where I met my first boyfriend. From then on I made nearly all of my clothes including swimsuits, business attire and then my wedding gown. I remember that it cost me $33 for the fabric and pattern, when something similar would have cost many hundreds of dollars, if not more.
Frugality had permeated my way of life, and it was partnering up with my then undetected lack of self-worth, to become something different. It was about minimalist living, saving as much as possible and doing as much work as possible, negating what my body may have been telling me. There was no thought of taking a break and most long weekends were for doing bigger projects around the house.
Along came the children: one, two, three! I loved being pregnant. I loved having babies. I loved being a wife and mother. But somewhere along the way I lost loving me and it was about everyone else. The changing face of frugality extended to not even considering there should be some time devoted to my self-nurturing. Every moment was filled with chores and projects; so much so that I recall feeling so accomplished that I could squeeze even more into my day. Frugality became about short changing myself from the abundance that I truly am.
Making the family’s clothes, growing vegetables, baking bread, cakes and biscuits and every meal from scratch, learning how to be the family hairdresser – all this, even when I went back to work. This face of frugality was intertwined with every decision.
So, you may ask, in how many ways can one see frugality differently? Here are but a few I have discovered:
Being frugal with:
My time –
Doing things as fast as possible, and not in the quality that I now know to be me in activities such as:
- Housekeeping
- Shopping
- Cooking
- Gardening
- Walking and exercising
- Doing tasks at work and returning to my desk by cutting corners and bumping into edges.
My tenderness –
- Not cuddling my babies off to sleep, but letting them settle in their cot so I could get on to the next task (I definitely did not want to ‘spoil’ them, as the belief was in those times)
- Not pegging and folding washing in a tender way, but as quickly as possible
- Applying creams, lotions and makeup at lightning speed.
My expression –
- Not speaking up about how I feel
- Not sharing with others the many ideas that pop into my awareness
- Swallowing hurts
- Not allowing myself space to grieve the sudden death of my mother when I had a new baby, a 2-year-old and a 4-year-old to care for.
Fast forward to my introduction to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, who bring everything back to love. I have been re-introduced to true abundance and am still grasping how to live that every day. Why would I not take the time to gently and lovingly apply cleanser, toner and moisturiser to my face, lotion to my body – how much extra time and tenderness does it take? Being frugal is being turned around, yet again, and I am learning to spend time with me in preparation for each day.
From an untrue use of frugality towards true abundance – discovering pockets where this twist of frugality is hiding and calling it out – is an ongoing process and I’m learning from others much younger than me to not short cut my own needs (being frugal) to satisfy another.
Abundance abounds through my devotion to self-nurturing and self-love, which leads to self-worth through appreciation and confirmation of who I am. Abundance abounds, and I am learning to allow myself to feel it with every breath. No more ‘that will do’ when I feel to do something differently. I just made myself an omelette, so I took the time to pick some parsley from the garden, to take some (previously prepared in the true nature of frugality) kale and onion from the freezer, to include some roast vegies from the fridge and some spices too. Frugality and abundance working together!
By NP, an elder with great wisdom to share, and more yet to discover, Australia
Related Reading:
Self-Care is not Selfish
Re-Learning to Self-Worth
Cleaning up my Mess – True Self Care or Keeping up Appearances?
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
I really appreciate what you have shared here
“Fast forward to my introduction to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, who bring everything back to love. I have been re-introduced to true abundance and am still grasping how to live that every day. Why would I not take the time to gently and lovingly apply cleanser, toner and moisturiser to my face, lotion to my body – how much extra time and tenderness does it take? Being frugal is being turned around, yet again, and I am learning to spend time with me in preparation for each day.”
I have found that it is worth getting up early in the morning so that there is time to take care of myself with no rush before going to work.
Feelings of frugality can be linked to periods of war, and can be passed down through the generations; how great to nominate this and let it go.
Gorgeous to read how your abundance is now flourishing, ‘Abundance abounds through my devotion to self-nurturing and self-love, which leads to self-worth through appreciation and confirmation of who I am.’
Is frugality a full-time job of keeping ourselves away from who we all truly are? When we are stingy with time, are we ignoring and denying space?
I’m all up for being savvy with my food shop, or building a wooden planter for my balcony for a fraction of a pre-made one. However being skimpy on my love, tenderness and expression is not cool.
When we start to understand how being frugal, relates to us when coming from energetic point of view, as discerned from the Latin roots, it is to not allow the spirit to have any say and then we are connecting to our Essences, Inner-most-hearts, / Souls and thus deepen our awareness of the abundance we can live from this connection.
I often see this more and more, parents slaving for others and the appreciation goes out the window. There’s a glimmer of hope that one day, there is pay back or a trade off, that they will be cared for in their elderly life. What do we see more and more is the opposite, a wonder that nursing homes have gone up world wide, a sad state of affairs.
I hadn’t heard of the word. ‘frugality’, I had to look it up in the dictionary, and now I understand its meaning, I felt I was frugal with money, and it came from my ancestors and to the point I often went without. The belief that you save for a rainy day or for the children. Rainy days came and went, children were never born and one day it changed, thanks to my partners bucket list. The list of having a luxurious car and when we received her, it was so worth it and we were also deserving of her.
It is time for us and what supports us and our every day living. So what’s next? We shall wait and see…
The older generation had a very different life to us, many having lived through the war, and so having lived with rationing, ‘Frugality had permeated my way of life, and it was partnering up with my then undetected lack of self-worth’. Great to stand back and observe how we have been living.
“my introduction to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, who bring everything back to love.” The deepening awareness that Love is boundless and is the essence of us all.
I think it can be very powerful to question how we are in life in such a way that we discover that we are not the true version of ourselves. We are living in a false reality that we have made into a reality. And it is not until we start to pick apart the layers that make up this false reality that we start to catch a glimpse of the real us, the quality of who we truly are. Those nooks and crannies that you speak of can seem very daunting as we bring notice to them but if they are exposed to the full light of day the angst of self worth, anxiousness, pleasing other people, all our hurts etc., just melt away and we are left in the true power of who we truly are. The nearest analogy I have found so far is it’s a bit like being a caterpillar and turning into a chrysalis and then finding your a Butterfly it is the most amazing transformation to go through and worth it to become the Butterfly. The Butterfly has wings to soar back to God the universe.
I love your analogy Mary. To discover that I was already carrying around the butterfly within when I thought I was just a caterpillar was a huge revelation. All I had to do was connect to it.
When we cut ourselves off from our true essence, we are the ones being frugal. This can then reflect itself in the way we do things. I love how NP has shared in this blog about enriching her life with love and tenderness etc as a means to plump up and fullfill life in its true sense.
When we are connected to our true essence, not matter how much or how little money we have, we are appreciative of the abundance that is on offer.
Henrietta, life is living enriched with things that are supportive for us. When we live for others, life is then arduous and exhausting. When we enrich it for ourselves, it is a different ball game. You can certainly feel the difference, try it and observe, you can certainly feel the differences…
Coming to the realisation that we deserve love, caring and nurturing too, ‘ The changing face of frugality extended to not even considering there should be some time devoted to my self-nurturing. Every moment was filled with chores and projects; so much so that I recall feeling so accomplished that I could squeeze even more into my day.’
True richness of life lies in the quality lived.
I keep coming back to this blog because every time I read it I discover something else about it that resonates with me. Because I too and I would say many others are living or have lived their lives disconnected from themselves and this leads to a reduced way of living and I suspect that this is why we have so much mental ill health in our society.
We know that there is so much more to life and the disappointment and hurt as children when we are told it is not what we know and we are forced into a reduced version of it does far, far more damage to our emotional health than we would care to admit.
I agree Mary, being connected with ourselves is so important for our wellbeing. Great that you, NP, are now allowing time for yourself, ‘Being frugal is being turned around, yet again, and I am learning to spend time with me in preparation for each day.’
This is absolute gold. I love hearing about your life and on reflection can feel how important it is for our younger generation to hear these stories as well, especially in a time where everything is on tap or at the click of a button, this should be part of the PSHE curriculum … hearing about lived experience from others. There is much to appreciate here and I am sure you have some more gold to share. In writing this last sentence it is clear to see the wealth we have in our lived experiences, putting a completely different perspective on the meaning of wealth and of course gold.
This is a great blog to reflect on as on reflection I realised I have been very frugal with myself, I have not allowed myself to be truly seen for who I am. I know this stems from childhood when my bubbly personality wasn’t wanted, so I dulled myself down and stayed that way for years. This all changed when I met Serge Benhayon and with his support I’m slowly coming out of my hermit shell and embracing life once again. Thank you deeply Serge, you saw in me that spark that no one else was bothered to see.
What stood out for me was your meeting of Serge Benhayon who as you say brings everything back to love. What is it about this word that bring up so much in human-beings? It is a word that is in constant daily use all over the world and it is something we all hanker after. But when the purity of love is presented we run a million miles from it. Could it be that as a race of human-beings we have been fed such a lie when it comes to love, so much so that we have been totally corrupted so we are living a false truth and because of this we are so lost that when we are presented with true love and how to simply reconnect to it we abuse the messenger rather than look at why we have corrupted the word love and our lack of it.
Being frugal in the way you describe, NP in terms of time, tenderness and expression feels like an energetic pinching… short of space and room. In the past, I can also see how I have been frugal with my time, tenderness, expression and even money which kept me trapped in a box, whereas loosening my grip has allowed life to open up in all sorts of ways.
“Abundance abounds through my devotion to self-nurturing and self-love, which leads to self-worth through appreciation and confirmation of who I am.” So true we can have all the riches in the world and still be poor if we do not have true self love.
Thank you N.P. Frugality was definitely part of my untaught education and I can see how it has coloured my behaviours and my outlook when it is not my natural tendency. Great to ponder on this further.
Well said Elaine, frugality is something that is ingrained in some of us as you have said in the ‘untaught education’ – and as Yoda from Star Wars so wisely said, there are many things we learned that need to be unlearned.
We pick up by reflection far more than we think and far more than anything the education system teaches us. It is our primary mode of learning and if we are not energetically aware then it can seep into our consciousness which we take on, barely registering what we are doing.
Yes Elaine, frugality was evident in the female side of my family, ‘But somewhere along the way I lost loving me and it was about everyone else.’
Being frugal perpetuates a belief of not being enough, while being responsible and mindful is the foundation for abundance.
Quality, appreciation, responsibility and love is a great recipe for abundance
Abundance comes not from the numbers and activities, it comes from our capacity to connect and stay connected and feel ourselves and others.
There is nothing wrong with saving money and saving it through recycling and making our own things as opposed to buying them pre-made but we must ask at what expense this comes (pun intended)…for if we suffer unduly from this ‘saving’ then it is no real saving indeed.
There is an abundance to life in bringing ourselves fully to all its moments and not rushing through so as to get onto the next activity and the next.
Everything I do for me at the beginning and end of the day supports the foundation that I am building that holds me during the day – gradually my love and respect for myself becomes evident in all that I do and like- wise if I drop from this it is felt by everyone.
How we live has a big impact on those around us, ‘From an untrue use of frugality towards true abundance – discovering pockets where this twist of frugality is hiding and calling it out – is an ongoing process and I’m learning from others much younger than me to not short cut my own needs (being frugal) to satisfy another.’ What a great learning.
LJ Is it possible that in our disconnection to God and the Universe we live in, we have accepted a lesser life one of frugality rather than the abundance that is continually on offer?
If we do not appreciate out true worth we will take measures to preserve what we perceive to be of worth in place of this.
Abundance isn’t really about money. It’s a feeling and it can come when you have very little in the way of material things. As the article suggests it comes from the way we are with ourselves and how much love and care we offer ourselves.
This blog is great at showing some different ways frugality can play out in our lives.
NP you are indeed a elder with great wisdom to share. This line was a standout for me today – “a reduced version of the real me that I now know is an avoidance of the responsibility I have to bring my true power to everything I do”. I realise I do this to and am exposing that more and more in my life where I do it. Fascinating exercise.
I enjoyed reading this NP, thank you. ‘No more ‘that will do’ is a great message to take from your blog. Abundance is not dependent on the outer it comes from a full-embodied loving commitment to oneself in expression.
Thank you NP, I really enjoyed reading this. I grew up with relatives telling me about the Depression and how little they had and how they made ends meet. It was a necessity at the time. I suppose the problem is we can carry things through generations that may no longer be needed, nor truly loving or supportive for ourselves. I’m a big fan of valuing and caring for things I have, not perfectly, but that comes from appreciating the value of material items. What I didn’t understand though was how precious I was and how to deeply care for me and my worth in this world. That’s also a common generational belief, to place others before ourselves. What I appreciate about the Ageless Wisdom and the work presented by Universal Medicine is as I return to my soul everything that is not loving comes up to be examined and discarded. It’s truly a beautiful way to live as it allows me to let go of what’s not true and live what is.
There are so many words and concepts which have been twisted over time and thus in their use keep misleading and misdirecting us from the conscious awareness of and living in line with our Soul. It is absurd that we can claim each of us can have our own personal truth and many versions of it can stand side by side, because anything that is not in line with the expression of the Soul, the order of the Universe and the oneness of the All that we belong to, can only ever be just a twisted imposter of what is actually true.
How we treat us should never be less than how we naturally treat a new born baby.
Great point Stefanie, and why would we want to treat ourselves less? The delicateness, fragility, and beauty are still within us, so it makes sense to treat ourselves the way we would treat a new born baby.
How can we ever not spoil someone with love? True love knows no limits, every belief of needing to reduce or set boundaries with it cannot ever be true then.
Reading this what I felt is how so much has changed over generations over a period of not many years in that your generation were brought up to appreciate what they had, even if it was little, make the most of what they had for example food and making it into meals for the next day, clothes and valuing and committing jobs to jobs working hard. Now however it seems we always want more, before we have finished the next goal, meal etc we want the next one there is far less appreciation for what we have. Things are made more cheaply and not with the same quality and care it is a constant turnover of production and the impact on our earth and society globally is felt. I was recently speaking with a young person and they said ‘why should I travel on public transport and be depressed when I could drive a ferrari and be depressed?’ I asked them would their main focus not be dealing with the depression first? It seems about what we have rather than who we are. What I really love here is that when you speak of abundance you speak of the abundance of loving you. We can learn a lot from what you have shared here.
I love the way you have expanded this topic and pinpointed some of the differences in growing up today as opposed to the post-war years. Generational change is inevitable and is in understanding each other that we can appreciate what each generation can bring to humanity.
We can be precious with us and our time and not be frugal with it, but clear on what is needed and what is next.
It is the purpose of things, that helps to get out of untrue frugality and abundance. The moment we connect with what is needed, like you said Monica, issues and beliefs can´t take so much space as it is not about an ideal, which is narrow and small, but about a much bigger picture and everyone else equally in that moment.
“The Changing Face of Frugality” – in my experience, when there is a deep connection to the body and a love for the body, frugality’s opposite of abundance is apparent and palpable.
As soon as I read the title and opening lines of this article today I realised that we endlessly thwart ourselves with rules, often which oppose or contradict each other (frugality vs. being generous for example), but all that get in the way of having a present, honest, and ever-developing relationship with ourselves, others and our place in the world. If I am adhering to a rule there is laziness, apathy and/or resignation that does not question and explore what actually makes sense and truly supports and serves.
Like so many things that I am doing now a days, I am being supported to go deeper into the real reason that I do them.
Am I being frugal because it is the right thing to do, or am I denying myself something because deep down I do not think I deserve it? Feeling the difference in these two choices is important.
If I am doing things because deep down I do not feel I deserve it, that is a totally different energy then doing it from love.
Yes Ken, I totally agree. Isn’t it wonderful that we now are so much more aware of the difference in the energy behind an action? Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for opening our eyes to what we have not clearly seen, or likely have shut down, over our lifetime/s, enabling us to go deeper with our every step.