Relationships: It’s Now About What I Feel, Not What Serge Benhayon Says

by Anonymous

I have changed my life for the better since participating in Serge Benhayon’s and Universal Medicine’s workshops.

What Serge has shared with me about relationships is that I must always love myself first before I can truly love another, and to give everyone the opportunity to feel loved by loving them first and not asking them or expecting it from them first – in turn letting them feel that they are love and can share this also.

I also recall Serge presenting to not walk away from another person if they find it difficult to accept either that they are love, or to let the love in and feel that there is in fact someone who loves them deeply; then it will be them who walk away – not us, and that this is the commitment to love that we need.

Universal Medicine has also shared with me that there has always been a gentle, loving, delicate, amazing and precious me on the inside… such that I am a truly loving person, full of joy, full of confidence and full of a deep respect and responsibility for myself, others and life. Not only did Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon suggest that this was in all of us, but they and he offered a true way of how to connect to this, and I thank them deeply for this.

Once I began to connect to this place more regularly, I started to like myself more, respect who I am, and appreciate that I deserve nothing but gentleness and deep nurturing, care and even adoration, and to be cherished. This was very foreign to me at first, because I had spent most of my life not truly liking who I was, with a deep lack of self-worth, a deep self-loathing, never feeling enough and never having true confidence in life. I tried to cover this up by excelling at everything I did, from school and sports and careers to heavy and abusive binge drinking from the age of 15, experimentation with drugs, risky adrenaline-based activities as well as many so-called ‘random’ partners – oh dear!

I soon came to realise that the alcohol, drugs and adrenaline behaviours were a way to try and cope with life, and the fact that deep down I didn’t like who I was, never felt enough, and was never truly happy with the so-called ‘fantastic and successful life’ that I had created for myself on the outside by excelling at everything.

I also saw that the many partners were a way to try and feel loved, to get touched or get affection to confirm that I was enough, that I was adorable and delicate and worth cherishing – but the truth was that I was never touched in a loving, adoring or cherishing way, so in fact it was just another way to accept abuse in my body and confirm that I was horrible. How ironic.

As my self-worth, self-love and an awareness of how to be another way with myself grew, I began to say no to these unloving behaviours and self-abuse. In particular this process involved me asking people close to me to be more honouring and loving with me in the way they spoke with me and touched me, especially my partner. This was very difficult at first because of the deep self-loathing that was still there, along with an uncomfortable lack of confidence to speak up, because on the inside the self-abuse and self-loathing would speak to me and say “Who’s going to listen to you?” or “Why is what you feel so important?” It is at these times, I’m afraid to admit, when I was very likely to pull out the “Serge (Benhayon) said this” or “Natalie (Benhayon) said that” card, because deep down I didn’t trust that my words, my expressions and my feelings were enough – or would be heard.

This is how and when the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is and was abused, and is commonly done so by other women with the same lack of self-worth. What I was truly trying to express in those moments was what I felt, so it wasn’t a case of doing what I was told – it was more a case of me needing something or someone to back me up, to make sure my partner heard me, because I didn’t feel that I was enough. And for this I am sorry, for it was never truly love that I was expressing.

Now as I have built my self-love and my self-worth, I recognise that if I don’t have the inner strength to express what I’m feeling it’s because I haven’t built this same love and respect (that I am asking for from others) towards myself first – which is way more important than having another being loving with me.

As it turns out, the more I am loving with me, the more others naturally can’t help but be more loving with me also; so there is not a need for me to say anything because my being says it all. And the crazy thing is, I’m less bothered by other people’s lovelessness because I’ve already got love anyway. How ironic.

175 thoughts on “Relationships: It’s Now About What I Feel, Not What Serge Benhayon Says

  1. Loving ourself is all that we need, it is this what we miss the most, this innate love that is inside and possible to feel in every moment.

  2. This is a beautiful unraveling of how we crave love but allow so much abuse instead and thank you for sharing that we are all worth being cherished and loved and that it starts with us loving and cherishing ourselves, which quite naturally supports us to love and cherish everybody else and leaves us less and less needing love from another as we can feel more and more the love that we are, as we are basically filled with love, ‘our’ love, and thus do not need to be filled with love from the outside.

  3. What first attracted me to Serge Benhayon was that he said “Do not believe anything I say until you have felt the truth of it yourself”.

    I am understanding that what Serge is presenting is to help us look at life a different way, but we need to figure out that way by ourselves. He can start us out but we have to come to realize that everything we need we already have inside of us.

    Scary thought, but that is taking true responsibility for ourselves.

  4. Its very important if we slip into an old pattern to actually feel what was going on for us at the time- usually a hurt has been triggered that we must be responsible for, take a look at and work on.

  5. I too found it tricky to get used to having a voice and to speaking up about how I felt- it felt like an effort, and it was scary at first. Now I am slowly developing confidence in expressing how I feel, every time I do it, its like a monumentous occasion, worth noting and deeply appreciating, because each time i get more used to honouring me.

  6. You have shared your experiences so eloquently. There was a time many years ago when I didn’t feel that what I felt was enough, born through this insecurity I also used the “Serge said’ line and in doing so bastardised the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, it is very humble for you to admit and take responsibility for your choices, humility is a very inspiring quality to possess.

  7. ‘I also recall Serge presenting to not walk away from another person if they find it difficult to accept either that they are love, or to let the love in and feel that there is in fact someone who loves them deeply; then it will be them who walk away – not us, and that this is the commitment to love that we need.’ What an amazing commitment and what a beautiful way to live, what if we made love the most important thing in the world? It would change the way we do everything, including standing beside those who need love the most.

  8. ‘I’m less bothered by other people’s lovelessness because I’ve already got love anyway’ My experience also, Anonymous, to deepen the love we have for ourselves, stops the forever search outside for validation and approval. We simply walk with love and bring this to others.

  9. Brilliant Anonymous , especially the last sentence; which blews my socks off. As if we have love within ourselves (build) we can not truly miss love, as we are the one who have it build in the first place. Only love can add to love. So whenever this is expressed by two, it doubles the expression, which is amazing. So when love is expressed there is no space for abuse. Thank God for Serge Benhayon, who has presented this fact in this era to us all.

  10. Anonymous, your honesty is deeply inspiring. A loving relationship with ourselves first, is key to all our relationships in life, if we do not connect from a loving foundation, then all our relationships are less than loving.

  11. I love the honesty in this blog as I feel many people have pulled the ‘Serge said card’ and that most are not willing to admit either that they did it or why. It takes a real vulnerability to truly go there and feel any lack of self-worth or lack of confidence, and accept the choices that we’ve made that have led to these behaviours. However once we go there, feel it in our body this is then the key that unlocks it all, for us to feel free and feel that these things are not actually who we are.

  12. What I am learning is that the process of building self-love and self-worth is a gradual process. It doesn’t change overnight and there are times that I slip back into old behaviours that undermine rather than support my self-worth. The key I’ve found is to be super gentle with myself, to be as aware as I can at the time (to the best of my ability), and if/when I slip up, to see this as an ‘oops’ rather than an exercise to berate myself. I’m finding this process is building far more acceptance of myself and others, while still allowing me to take responsibility for my choices.

  13. “there has always been a gentle, loving, delicate, amazing and precious me on the inside” beautifully said anon. And when we reconnect to the gentle, loving, delicate, amazing and precious being that we are we can feel these same wonderful qualities in another and another and another.

  14. I love this analogy Luke, that we can relate learning to Love oursleves to cleaning our homes. Its so true and so simple. If we just pay attention to one area/room at a time, and set new standards for that area, gradually and seamlessly we can make a true committment to our own innate way of being without even trying.

  15. All we need is love, (I’ll stop before the song goes any further)

    But essentially this is exactly what we need, releasing from the inside out.

    Start small and work out.

    Think about a home, it is a mess. It is much easier to clean each room one at a time because a standard can be set. If we try to clean the entire house in one go, we would rush, miss spots and not take the time that the cleaning deserves.

    Love is a constant commit and a natural way of being.
    It is not merely a fixer when things get too messy.

  16. Lack of self worth in women is endemic and, is forever caught in this self-feeding loop that ensures it continues as we continually choose to not speak up for ourselves – mainly due to the uncomfortableness this may cause. Standing there in our true whole hearted expressions as women can only cause ripple effects because it is done so rarely, but as this article highlights, the more love we are with ourselves the less these ripples can affect us and the more love is available for everyone to see, and experience.

  17. “As it turns out, the more I am loving with me, the more others naturally can’t help but be more loving with me also; so there is not a need for me to say anything because my being says it all. And the crazy thing is, I’m less bothered by other people’s lovelessness because I’ve already got love anyway. How ironic.” Gorgeous Anonymous. The world is truly a mirror and reflects back to us what we put out.

  18. I have also felt how in the past my many achievements never felt enough, how I would always find something else to do, to challenge me. All the time looking at the outside world, until I met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine where I was able to understand that from my own connection and self love, comes confidence and the knowing and understanding that there is nothing to prove to the outside world, or to myself, as I am already everything I need to be.

  19. Often we fear to dig deep in anticipation to what we may discover?
    – a person who is careless?
    – someone who has no worth?

    But when we build up the confidence to take the time to sit and take stock of the treasures deep within. In some cases very deep down. We discover every shovel was well worth it to make it to the gold.

  20. In the beginning when I met Serge Benhayon, I used him very much as a back up because meeting him was for me meeting truth. That truth resonated with the truth within me all the way, but then I was not used to stand for my truth and to express that truth from within. Now , I changed that. I get stronger with what I feel and express my own truth, from what I feel in my body.

  21. So cool Anonymous, how ironic, yes I absolutely agree. We have sold out, sold ourselves short by dis-empowering ourselves. If I look at my past (and still parts in my current life) I can sense a power-less behavior. A behavior I have used to lessen what I know deep down inside. I have been playing dumb, how ironic. I have been actually holding back all the power I have got inside. When you shared about using ‘Serge Benhayon Said’ I could actually feel how I have done that, from my lack of connection with myself, from this empty place of needing someone else(lack of my own self-worth). It is now , that I stand I feel to say that I am truly sorry for pretending that I did not know, pretending that I was not love and holding back the truth I known within myself. I am now claiming ‘ I know’ and not ‘Serge Benhayon said’.

  22. Anon what you share is true. The more I love myself the less I need others to validate me … and the more I live what I know to be true the greater the authority when I speak, naturally so.

  23. Wow, what a fantastic blog Anonymous! I’m sure its not just me who can relate to what you have written here. It is very easy to stay in the comfort of feeling not good enough but the reality is that there is a way out of this hole if we are prepared to keep working on self love.

  24. Your presentation highlights the power of embracing ourselves and our power through claiming more of our love in our loving way and as such detaching more and more from what another says and behaves like. What could be more beautiful than claiming more and more of a true relationship with God within us?

  25. This is a beautiful testimonial of self-empowerment. Not only can we let go of the ‘Serge Benhayon said…’ – we are asked to discern all aspects of our lives where we build our choices on what someone says, thinks, expects of us etc.

  26. Thank you anonymous for sharing your heart felt truth. Lack of self worth causes so much trouble in our lives and permeates our every decision, we cannot make loving choices until we cease the self criticism, appreciate and love ourselves.

  27. Inspiring and honest blog Anonymous, thank you for sharing. “it was more a case of me needing something or someone to back me up, to make sure my partner heard me, because I didn’t feel that I was enough” how awesome to be out of that and lovingly and confidently express from your inner heart now 🙂 I too have felt this lack in myself sometimes but as my choices change to more self-loving and self-nurturing ones this lack is being left behind.

  28. It is so crazy anonymous how so many look for love and confirmation outside of themselves. As you say in your last paragraph :”As it turns out, the more I am loving with me, the more others naturally can’t help but be more loving with me also…” shows how everything we are searching for is within us and how important it is to live from this inner being. Through self-love we build on our self-worth and connect to the precious beings we naturally are. Thank you for this beautiful reflection.

  29. So true annon, when we build a foundation of love for ourselves we do not ‘need’ or seek that love outside of ourselves. Universal Medicine inspires us to re-connect again to this love and the truth within us.

  30. Hmmm…name dropping because we don’t feel enough or that we will be heard…I can relate to that. It’s a card that many use in an attempt to stamp their point with more authority. Love the honesty in this blog.

  31. Yes it is important to build the love first for ourselves. As without this we have not marker to what is not love. Universal Medicine are a great reflection for this love to guide us back to ourselves.

  32. I’ve just come across this blog through the link on https://truthaboutsergebenhayon.com/2015/08/20/serge-benhayon-said/#more-4586 which I’m grateful for since I obviously missed it when it came out 3 years ago. There’s lots to ponder in your blog, Anonymous, but the points I like most are 1. to give everyone the opportunity to feel loved by loving them first and not asking them or expecting it from them first 2. I’m less bothered by other people’s lovelessness because I’ve already got love anyway. 3. The more I am loving with me, the more others naturally can’t help but be more loving with me also. Thank YOU.

  33. It makes so much sense that we often search or demand something from another person what we do not have on our own and therefore miss it. Especially love, care and affection.

  34. Dear Anonymous I also have found that “the more I am loving with me, the more others naturally can’t help but be more loving with me”. I’m still learning to fully appreciate myself but I’m far more forgiving of my mistakes and that of others since incorporating the teachings of Universal Medicine in my life on a day to day basis. Life is definitely less complicated now and I wonder how much deeper I can go in embracing everyone around me without the need to compare and or judge.

  35. This blog is profoundly revealing, supportive and inspirational to me, thank you Anonymous. Your sentence: “Now as I have built my self-love and my self-worth, I recognise that if I don’t have the inner strength to express what I’m feeling, it’s because I haven’t built this same love and respect (that I am asking for from others) towards myself first – which is way more important than having another, being loving with me.” it helps me as I feel the truth and the pull in it, to get further on in my process of developing self-love and self-worth.

  36. I love how you describe that we are less bothered by other people’s lovelessness when we claimed love for ourselves first because then we have love already and do not need it from someone else.

    1. Thank you Sandra – this is a great point in the article and one that is super relevant to me. I feel the more Love I have in my foundations and how I treat myself, the less hurt I get by other people choosing to be otherwise. At the moment I know I can deepen the level of Love and care in all that I do and that is why I react when I see others not living to the potential of love I know they are too.

    2. I agree Sandra, this is so true and something I am finding in my own life the more that I learn to love myself for who I am. What is so striking is that when I am met with lovelessness from another, the less my body will have a reaction in that there is less and less anxiousness and nervous tension, but rather a growing steadiness that comes from within. It is a relativley new experience but one that confirms the loving choices that I am now making not only to myself, but also to others.

  37. ‘As it turns out, the more I am loving with me, the more others naturally can’t help but be more loving with me also;’ This is so true. As the saying goes – we cannot love another without first loving ourselves, the reflections the world offers us is that which we need to heal e.g. people treating us unlovingly is a prompt to treat ourselves with more love.

  38. This is such an honest blog and it is an inspiring reminder that it all comes when we just spend more time looking within and connecting with and confirming our own true inner beauty.

  39. Thank you Anonymous – love what you have shared and the openness that you have shared it in. Speaking from our authority rather than relying on another is so important – people are not fooled and can tell when what we share comes from being backed up by what another has said or if it is from our own lived experiences – the latter being so much stronger in its delivery. Your honesty and openness in this blog is inspiring – thank you again!

    1. Very true Henrietta, when we lack the confidence that comes with living a life untrue, we have to dig deeper and be honest about our choices, and cherish every bit of truth we do feel.
      A very honest and open blog Anonymous, thank you.

  40. I absolutely adore what you write here, true deep healing on the page through true expression. “Now as I have built my self love and my self worth, I recognise that if I don’t have the inner strength to express what I’ m feeling it’s because I haven’t built this same love and respect (that I am asking for from others) towards myself first…” Being honest and taking responsibility for ourselves, is the only way for us to heal and build a true foundation of love and care. When I first came into contact with the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I watched and waited in a ‘judgemental’, ‘wary’ and ‘protective’ manner to see if any cracks would appear concerning its integrity and consistency, (they didn’t appear) I jumped in and began to attend courses with enthusiasm. This ‘enthusiasm’ and finding a reconnection with a truth within me and my expression turned into a ‘righteousness’ at times in its delivery because I had not built yet a foundation of true self love and care. It was an imposition on those around me and a misinterpretation of the teachings delivered by Universal Medicine. I take responsibility for that, and I also know that we are all here to learn, and we are going to make what we call ‘mistakes’ or ‘unloving choices’ along the way….how we resolve and take responsibility for these choices is what matters. This I can say now upon reflection is the case because I feel very steady and sure of the foundation I now live with, it supports me deeply and I am now learning to be love first with out imposition or demand on another.

  41. This sentence stands out for me: “As it turns out, the more I am loving with me, the more others naturally can’t help but be more loving with me also; so there is not a need for me to say anything because my being says it all.” This is a wonderful confirmation, thanks for sharing!

  42. This blog raises a very important point about relationships. We might be expressing something that has some truth in it, but if we do not fully love and accept ourselves first then when we express something it does not carry that quality of love and understanding in it and ends up sounding like a rule or an edict or preaching. There is no equalness in it and therefore no love. We fool ourselves into thinking that we are being loving but you can’t just switch on love, even when you are saying ‘I love you’. True love can only flow from living love every day with ourselves so that when we share what we feel with others it naturally comes with the same quality.

    1. I love what you share here Andrew. That expression without the quality of love and understanding embodied, even if the words have some truth, do not carry love and equalness. When I have felt expression from someone living love it is truly inspirational.

  43. This blog explores a resounding truth about love that as soon as it is spoken or read very few people would disagree with it but boy oh boy do very few choose to love themselves and offer love as you have described it here Anonymous. Love is not spoken about truthfully enough and the practical detail you share from what Serge Benhayon presents can’t be repeated enough as a truth that belongs to us all.

  44. Thank you for a very honest blog. As you I love that Serge Benhayon has always been very clear that we need to discern everything we hear or read, no exception to his teachings. This has felt empowering from day one and for the first time I heard someone present truth that I could not refuse as my body was so clearly confirming that what I heard was the absolute truth about life, love, relationships and myself.

  45. I recognise so much of what you have written here Anonymous, especially having lack of self worth and not feeling like I had the authority of what I truly know to back me up.

  46. Anonymous, this is one of the exquisitely honest blogs I have read. The ‘realness’ of what you describe is lived and true. I shared a very similar experience and because I did not have the foundation of love in my body I also pulled out the ‘rules’ cards. What I love about how you have described this, is how delicate and non-judgemental and understanding you are with yourself. This speaks a million words about where you have come from and where you are now. And nowadays, I too find that with more love on board, the natural emanation tends to reflect back the same love and respect “so there is not a need for me to say anything because my being says it all.” How ironic indeed – we are expressing without verbally needing to say it. I just loved this blog – thank you so very much.

  47. This is a beautifully written and honest blog to read. To feel that we are gentle, amazing, delicate, and full of love inside, and have gone to extreme lengths to hide it from both ourselves and each other. It is inspiring to read how you are now more loving with yourself, and in turn naturally more open with others

  48. That’s pretty great. I can admit to also not having the confidence to back my own feelings, knowing they were true to the core, but also believing I didn’t have the power get the message across. As a result I also used to use the ‘he said, she said’ tactic, which I too am very sorry for using. So concernced was I that everything I said would fall on deaf ears, I took myself completely out of the picture and manipulated the information to make it sound as though it came from a greater authority. But there is no greater authority than me when it comes to my self and my feelings. And it gets easier, with a little time and continuing work on my self appreciation and self love, the expression becomes clearer and more absolute.

  49. How beautiful to grow and claim that your expression is as worthy as any other. This is a huge change from the self loathing that many of us live or lived in. Self loathing is very isolating whereas self love connects us with everyone.

  50. Anonymous I love your wonderful ironies, and appreciate the honesty with which you express how you used what another said, in this case Serge Benhayon, to validate your expression because you didn’t feel you were enough. It’s inspiring to hear about how you have developed a relationship with truth within yourself that guides you in how you are and express.

  51. I love what you have so honestly and openly shared. When we find our own connection within ourselves, and learn to be the love that we are first, we become more open and understanding of another.

  52. True, when we don’t have the confidence to express how we are feeling we try and grab something that can ‘back us up’ and justify what we say. Im amazed at what happens when I do actually express myself, I am understood. Sometimes there is reaction but mostly there is a sense of unity when I truly express myself.

  53. I love your honest sharing. Serge and other practitioners have been used a lot by students to address things we are not living ourselves yet. Great to be aware of that and to realize we can claim it for ourselves and once we live it we are expressing it anyway.

  54. I love the honesty with which this blog is being presented with. I know that ‘so-and-so said…’ card. When I use that, I am reducing myself to a follower, or it simply exposes that I do not have the authority of lived experience to claim as my truth. Either way, I am contradicting the exact teachings I am saying that I am adhering to – to live from the inner-most, the esoteric.

  55. what an awesome blog A. I have experienced this also, using other people’s names as a ‘back up’ for what I was feeling as I felt my feeling would not be enough or be taken seriously. I have seen it in a lot of people and as you say it often comes down to self worth and confidence. The other side of it is what you start with: if we love each other unconditionally and see each other for who we truly are we can allow each other to make mistakes and we will not need to protect ourselves before we share how we truly feel.

  56. A beautifully honest sharing. Building the love for ourselves first can feel wobbly at first, I know for myself this has been the case, but bit by bit, step by step, it starts to become more comfortable and then the unloving ways of the past begin to appear more and more obvious, and become less and less easy to slip into.

  57. What a great blog. Crazy thing is I relate to it really well. We spend so much time trying to fix our lives from our head and tick boxes that of course it is always ‘someone said’. That can be the doctor, the accountant, the butcher, not just Serge Benhayon, Natalie Benhayon or anyone else. When we develop that learning from our own life experiences it is so much less stressful because you just know what you need and what to say. It comes from your body, not your head. Such a duh moment!

  58. Anon what you share is so important. How we are with ourselves is often reflected by how others respond … and wanting others to respond in a particular way is a sign that we are not giving that quality of care to ourselves in some way. A great reminder, thank you!

  59. What an awesome blog. I love what you share about not walking away, never. I have walked away in the past, because I took things personal or wanted something in return. I am learning now to stay, to not go anywhere and to stay open with people always, no matter what. It’s work in progress but beautiful work in progress.

  60. When we choose to be love we inspire others to connect to that same love that is within us all. When we choose to be love, we allow others the time and space to choose the same, with no expectations.

  61. This is a fabulous blog! Thank you Anonymous for writing it.
    Absolutely agree that when we claim the love for ourself the lovelessness of others is something we are not affected by but actually want to bring a truer reflection to.

  62. Thankyou Anonymous, all that you have shared is both beautiful and very inspiring. To ‘give everyone the opportunity to feel loved by loving them first and not asking them or expecting it from them first’ would truly revolutionise the foundations of how society is presently functioning. Great blog.

  63. A beautiful honest piece of writing, thank you. It’s lovely to ready how the growing love in your body is now your back up, no need to prove or justify anything when it is very easily being lived.

  64. There is a lot of wisdom on offer here so thank you for writing so fully and honestly about your life. I understand what you share about not feeling your own expression will be good enough and having to back it up. We do this in other ways too, particularly using words that are common in groups we participate in, instead of our own authentic and unique expression and way of saying things. You have highlighted how expression is a reflection of our own relationship to ourselves and our acceptance of our self.

  65. It’s great that you are now feeling for yourself, that you deserve to express and be love and nurturing with yourself, instead of just backing Serge or Natalie Benhayon’s words.

  66. ‘I’ve already got love anyway’, it is so true, we have all these tricks up our sleeve to try to get love from people, when the love is and always has been inside us all the time.

  67. A very important point is written by you, Anonymous! Many times the Benhayon family has been used to emphasise a point where we are shaky towards others, or want to be right, or have not lived ourselves what we are saying is truth etc. This is something to always be aware of and to call it out (expose it) when needed.

  68. It’s interesting that we know that the loving words of Serge are true yet to claim the love we know we are is at first a shaky step because we haven’t felt our true selves for so long. To consider that falling back on “Serge says” is abusive is a shock but highly worth considering. Instead of doing this, stepping up to claim the truth is by far more honouring.

  69. Well said anonymous! Resorting to Serge’s or Natalie’s as a tool against partners not only is a way to bastardise the work, to create enemies to it, but also is a clear sign that the relationship is not truly between equals as one uses the statements to elevate him-herself.

  70. This is a beautiful example of how important it is to have a strong foundation of love for ourself first. And to honor our own power, not make it something someone else said but truly feel it and let it come from inside you.

  71. Thank you for honestly sharing your story of returning back to the love you truly come from, and finding the inner strength to support you in your life. Very inspiring.

  72. I love your honesty, as I too can relate to feeling the need to back up what I say, rather than knowing that it needs to come from my own livingness for others to feel it. This paragraph “Now as I have built my self-love and my self-worth, I recognise that if I don’t have the inner strength to express what I’m feeling it’s because I haven’t built this same love and respect (that I am asking for from others) towards myself first – which is way more important than having another being loving with me.” really stood out for me and confirmed that it begins with loving ourselves first.

  73. To me this blog names one very important and basic detail of living my life – it is not to fulfill what others present unless I feel it and live it from my own truth. And the foundation to get to this living truth is – as you share – ‘the depth of self love that I’m able to feel for myself’. Some may have – like I did – never considered this as a way of living. Today I’m clumsy but steady walking this way of return – which feels sometimes like a walking the unknown. That scares me from time to time – but having experienced the feeling of joy that self love brings to me always pulls me back on track..

  74. Yes I agree. The backup comment when we haven’t quite claimed the feeling oursleves can be lethal. The more we connect and feel the confidence of knowing what we are saying through living it…. the less inclined we are to need the second voice.
    Great blog thank you A. 🙂

  75. A truly inspiring blog anonymous! We so often look outside of ourselves for verification of what we have said or feel, especially when we have had low self esteem and not felt heard. I know that the more I am loving and appreciating who I am the less this is necessary. With the teachings of Serge Benhayon and the Ancient Wisdom showing us that we have all we ever need within us and are all loved equally by God and never judged how can we judge ourselves?

  76. If we are the love that we naturally come from, we are never the ones that are left behind or abandoned. To hold back love keeps us in a prison. I decided to leave the prison. One step at a time 🙂

  77. Gorgeous to read and such a beautiful reminder that we can all bring ourselves the gentleness, nurturing, adoration and care that we can look to others to provide. We deserve nothing less than to cherish ourselves like this.

  78. Claiming the love within us and learning to live it for ourselves, as ourselves, is the ultimate relationship guidance we could ever adopt. Well done and thank you for your honesty.

    1. Thanks Gemma- you said what I felt too. This blog, with simplicity, offers the ultimate relationship guidance.

  79. It is a great point you make of how we so often do not feel enough and so rely upon the support of another, or their words, to back us up. The consequence is such that it comes across that it is not our own opinion but that we are someone’s follower. It is so important that we speak with our own voice and from our hearts.

  80. A very honest article – thanks for this. I agree that it is deeply important to trust and accept the authority of our own true knowing and words, as opposed feeling like we have to qualify what we say by saying ‘this person said this or that’ type stuff…

  81. This blog is sharing a journey which is actually quite amazing in fact, that you can begin to love and respect yourself and your own body and as you begin to live that love life changes without any trying. Thank you for sharing.

  82. ‘I must always love myself first before I can truly love another, and to give everyone the opportunity to feel loved by loving them first and not asking them or expecting it from them first – in turn letting them feel that they are love and can share this also’. Awesome, it is so true, love and worship yourself first if you want all your relationships to work and flow in harmony. Thank you for sharing so honestly.

  83. Yes the more we build love in our own bodies for ourselves the less we are affected by the outside and the more we can observe life rather than absorb the energy that is around us. We can truly understand more of what is going on and not react to the lovelessness around us but express from truth and love, taking responsibility for our own choices however much they seem to go against the grain. A work in progress, as they say, as we reclaim our own authority.

  84. This article makes many great points including that we cannot truly love and cherish another, before we do that for ourselves. When we have low self-esteem we rely upon an external reference point, but that what we are expressing does not have true value until we no longer need an external reference. Thank you for sharing this really important point, of how the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine can be abused.

  85. Yes I agree with this blog that so often we demand from others what we refuse to give ourselves – deep love and respect. How can they love and cherish us when they can see and feel that we don’t love and cherish ourselves?

  86. Thank you, yes I couldn’t agree more, when we have love nothing more is required. When we are with our own love others feel there is no neediness from us requiring them to be a certain way and this is how the magic of love gets to be felt and shared by all.

  87. Thank you very much. What an awesome piece of writing. I can relate to most of what you said and I feel deeply inspired. I especially love the last paragraph which sums it up perfectly. Yes, it is that simple. Lovely.

  88. Its takes great courage to admit the truth about how we abuse Serge and the Unimed team by playing “Serge said …” instead of “I feel …”. Thank you so much for your honesty and you express it so well when you say “the more I am loving with me, the more others naturally can’t help but be more loving with me also”. Its very true, when we connect to and express our own love, it is felt in the wider world, inviting others to join in – how amazing is that?

  89. Your article has reminded me of one of the many reasons I like the blogs so much, that we can learn to express, that we have a voice and we can all learn from them. I too had much self loathing and lack of self worth that to ‘speak up’ and say what you really feel would mean rocking the boat that it was easy to back it up with what someone else had said rather than feeling what I was able to express for myself at that moment. People can feel this dis-honesty and re-act to it. I still catch myself saying something that is not necessary and how uncomfortable that feels, and as you say we don’t have to say anything as being all of you is enough, and if there is something to say it will come. I experienced this the other day at work. For the first time in two and a half years a colleague said to me don’t go and sit on your own come and sit on this table. I sat next to her and we hardly spoke and it felt amazing that she was not expecting or wanting to talk that it was just 2 people having lunch together. There was a lot of chatter on the table but I could feel the connection without words of just being with her.

    1. Alison I can get caught in thinking that talking means connection… especially with those closest to me, and if we are not talking than we are disconnected. I know this is not true, like you shared also, there have been many times were I have felt just as connected to someone, not saying a thing, then have a deep and meaningful conversation.

  90. Thank you for your honesty which has helped to explain the tensions experienced within some relationships that have been incorrectly attributed to Serge. I love your last paragraph… it carries inspiration as it exemplifies the wonderful transition you have made in your life.

  91. Thank you for sharing such a simple truth Anonymous – a truth where (true) love always starts with self-love. In opening ourselves to self-love, we allow ourselves to truly love others (with no expectation or need for them to love us back), and providing an opportunity for them to connect to the love they themselves naturally are. Amazingly simple and simply amazing!

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