For many years I have been diagnosed with depression: at one point in my thirties when my behaviours were even more erratic than usual, I was diagnosed with bi-polar. As a human being needing to operate in the world, I have sought medical advice from doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists and counsellors. I have searched into the spiritual world for ways to help my personal angst and I have sought support from friends and family. Earlier in the year, I finally was able to admit to myself that although I have moments where things appear okay, the real truth of it was, at the very best each day was a painful upheaval and struggle, and at the very worst, there was little will to carry on.
A few months ago, I hit rock bottom. All my symptoms escalated, I was not coping and had no will to deal with my day. Life was impossible and I just wanted to check out; it was too painful, too hard. I was shouting a lot, in overwhelm, crying and just wanted to end it all. These symptoms were what had led to my diagnosis of bi-polar a few years previously. I saw my GP regularly at this time, who was very caring and supportive because I was scared. I also saw some practitioners from Universal Medicine (UniMed). All suggested I get on some anti-depressants to support me and give me some space to explore possible causes for these symptoms, which had arisen all my adult life.
I am not a stranger to anti-depressants. I had been on them for many years previously and after the birth of my second child I was on an extremely high dose. So, I went on a moderate dose of the brand I had used before. I was immediately nauseous and couldn’t get to sleep at night; in fact I was unable to get any sleep. Plus I would feel dizzy and disorientated. So I kept returning to my GP who worked with me trying to find a pill that worked. We tried taking, every second day, half a pill of the lowest dose of an anti-depressant that was mild on side-effects. But still I would immediately get all the side-effects I previously described.
So, frightened and still at rock bottom, with medication that seemed to intensify my symptoms (one of the side effects of one pill listed said that suicidal thoughts could occur in the first two weeks), I turned to my Universal Medicine practitioners, who helped me try a different approach. It’s not easy to admit in one’s life that at best it’s bloody awful. But in a loving and caring approach, because they could feel I was ready to hear some hard stuff, they socked it to me… they pointed out that I had turned up for my session and presented my symptoms to them with little will to get on top of them; I hadn’t actually said – “Okay, how do I fix this?”. They pointed out that I was stuck in the story of how my life was extremely tough, blaming events and people – and I wanted to stay there. I was a little affronted at first, to say the least. In fact, to be truthful, I wanted to walk out. But I had nothing to lose because I couldn’t find relief with the anti-depressants. So I continued to listen.
Next, they asked me to contemplate if it could be possible that exhaustion was playing a part in my depression and, more so, was I maybe making choices in my life to create the drama, thereby providing myself with the exhaustion and chaos – which in turn gave me the excuse to go into overwhelm and give up?
I understand, from twenty-five plus years of suffering depression symptoms, along with other family members suffering the same, that there is a lot of research on depression, in particular on the fact that it can be the result of chemical imbalances, which the anti-depressants assist with. I have done a lot of research myself on depression and how people who suffer it lead debilitating lives, with depression being brought on by an onslaught of abuse or tragic incidences (war, hijacking, terrorism, etc).
But this was my personal experience of depression and, as I had not suffered any of these events, I became open to looking at the possibility being presented to me that maybe I was setting up choices in my life to lead to events that would bring on the symptoms. I had to admit that when I fell into a depression cycle, which went deeper and deeper into that black hole as it is often described, it almost felt like a drug, a relief to finally give in, give up and lay in bed. I’ve never taken heroin but it was almost like taking a ‘hit’ of something which I knew wasn’t good for me but boy, did it feel great.
I can tell you, it was pretty painful to even contemplate for one second the possibility that I could be responsible for creating all the pain I’d been through, and had put my family through. But with patience and genuine true love and care, my GP and UniMed practitioners, with zero judgement, held my hand and allowed me the time and space to consider these possibilities more deeply.
About eight years ago, when I was experiencing these extreme symptoms, I was similarly scared and visited a counsellor, psychologist and psychiatrist. Each independently concluded I presented with bi-polar. I immediately became even more scared. In the sessions with them whilst I was pouring out my heart, concerned for mine and my family’s welfare, they didn’t seem to really engage with me or even look at me; they made notes then delivered their diagnosis, writing out a script for anti-depressants. The experience felt cold and unassuring.
I am sure we have all had experiences when things were going bad, life felt hard and you shared it with a friend or family member and suddenly, supported by their sincere concern and listening, it lifted a cloud. They might not have provided a solution, but the love and care somehow fixed some things. This was what my GP provided when I shared my anxieties with her; I cried because I felt her genuine care – this care and talking with her felt like medicine in itself. There are many medical practitioners in the world who naturally present themselves in this caring manner. There are also many who don’t, due to stress, overwork, frustrating medical systems etc. I have no judgement of any of them; however, this time round with my depression I wanted to surround myself with a little bit more cushioning and care. I don’t just align myself to only seeing Universal Medicine health practitioners – that would be foolish. But on occasions I do seek them because I know that I will consistently receive genuine care, love and concern for my symptoms – but neither sympathy nor pandering; this care is part of their work ethos because they feel it can play an important part in the overall care and treatment of the patient. And when you’re dealing with the kind of issues I was dealing with, I felt it was advantageous to share these issues with someone in whose company I felt like I was with family or a friend – someone that cared and who knew me to be more than the mess I was in. As I journeyed through finding a suitable anti-depressant with my GP, I shared with her what I was exploring with my Universal Medicine psychologist practitioners and how it was really helping – she was super supportive of the efforts I was making, praised me for confronting the hard stuff and expressed to me directly that it was great that I was getting “so much support”.
Very gently, I considered my part in my life. Slowly it began to help and make sense. One of the dramas and distractions which I created and was able to look at, was being caught up in getting things done, especially since having children. Each day I created a to-do list, which set me up for failure as I put myself into a drive or busy-ness, which overrode my body telling me that it could not physically undertake such an impossible list. To compensate, I would be constantly reaching for comfort foods and felt exhausted, irritated and frustrated, which often led to rage directed at my innocent children and husband. This to-do list of mine was debilitating.
Could this be one of the ways I created chaos and overwhelm in my life – by generating circumstances and situations that made life so hard and so difficult that giving up felt like the only option? What if, for added drama, I threw in sabotaging thoughts of being a failure for not ever achieving the unachievable, plus a range of judgemental, self-loathing thoughts? And how could I profess to love my family when I treated myself so appallingly?
So, as I began to attempt each day to bring a simplicity to that day’s activities, I slowly started to see something else. Although I was making my life more simple and less complicated and my quality of life started to improve, I still was having shouting outbursts at my family. Now, my relationship with my practitioners was different, in as much as I could now go along and rather than look for them to fix it for me, I would rock up and say, “Okay, life’s better but I’m still yelling – I want to stop this, why is it still happening?”. Again, gently with no judgement, I received the possibility that I was only committing to making my life better, but not actually addressing the relationship I had with myself: my opinion of myself was still terrible and because I could still be mean to me, it was easy to be mean to others too.
So, I contemplated this for a while and BINGO! Finally a light went on; my internal voice was still running me down, judging me, chastising me all the time. So I might have been making better choices, but I was just ‘doing’ them to make things better rather than because I really felt I was worth it. Now I was getting somewhere.
I had been running two lives: a physically exhausting one, and another in my head running non-stop commentaries on how useless I was. So although I was changing the physically exhausting part of my life, the low self-worth part was still running the show: I still hadn’t committed to genuinely loving me and making that the reason for every choice I made in my day.
Stopping the merry-go-round, allowing the discomfort and pain of those unloving choices to be felt was not, and still is not, easy. But I now give myself some stillness and quiet, just to feel me. Now that I’ve allowed myself to feel my brutally low opinion of myself, I can see past that part and see the real me – this beautiful woman who is just busting to be given permission to come out into the world.
I would like to show my appreciation to Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and all its wonderful practitioners for their unwavering love and support. This, however, is not a rah–rah for UniMed; this is a rah–rah for the growing awareness of the healing power of love, which is at the core of what UniMed endorses but is obviously not exclusive to UniMed; this is a rah–rah to the medicinal qualities of love and care – the love and care from my GP, the love and care from UniMed practitioners, the love and care from my family and friends and the love and care from me. It was me that made the choice to see qualified medical practitioners, highly trained in their field of mental illness, choosing to administer their medicine with love and care – the vital ingredient which was missing from my last foray into fixing this debilitating condition. All of the above helped bring me back to ME, showing me that I always had a choice, even when I had dug my heels in pretty deep, thinking I had no choice, believing that the dramatic events in my life were outside of my control and that I was a lost cause.
I am understanding more and more the meaning of true love and what that encompasses: it is true love to gently, without judgement, lovingly help people when they are ready to begin to entertain the possibility that we are responsible for our choices and the events that happen in our lives: it is true love to present the ‘tough’ stuff – to bring people back to who they really are so they, in turn, can help others return back to who they really are. This to me is the bigger picture, this to me is all part of true love. This is what personally helped me understand my depression and my part in it.
By Anon
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
For so many of us we are so busy looking after others that we neglect ourselves, and as you say anon if we are mean and terrible with ourselves through self neglect then it is likely we will be mean and terrible to others. When we address the relationship we have with ourselves then the magic happens, the more self loving we become the more love and understanding we can bring to everyone it’s a very beautiful knock on effect.
Well said Elizabeth – the mind can run rampant and seemingly get away with it whilst the body is the one that will suffer the consequences.
Sometimes we can be scared to take medications, but when there is a true need, then they can be of great support, especially when used responsibly – which is about not depending on the medications to ‘fix’ anything but rather to use them as a support to get back to balance.
When someone listens to us and truly hears us there are no solutions nor answers that are needed – it is the freedom to express, to be honoured for our expression that is the healing in itself.
I totally agree with you Henrietta, to be heard and understood and not judged is very freeing for our bodies as we are often crushed as children by the fact that no truly one listens.
The true bed-side manner of any therapist comes from connection to the person first and foremost.
Thank you Anon. Your path of returning to the lightness, joy and love that you are, opens the door to others who may be living similar experiences to find their own path of returning as well
I respect your honesty here particularly when your sharing could support so many others that could be experiencing similar things to what you have experienced. Also I respect the Universal Medicine practitioners who held you in love and as you said ‘socked it to you’. Sometimes we tip toe around people, events or things not wanting to upset anyone but it is clear that in doing this and of course you being open to hearing it you were then slowly able to get to the root cause of what you were feeling and why which is totally amazing so well done.
With loving awareness and reflection and without judgement and critique of ourselves we can heal anything.
It’s a very powerful read, I particularly noticed your emphasis on the healing qualities of love and care, and that those can come from many places, and that love is not emotional or pandering, but honest, firm, truthful, and very holding of who you truly are underneath the mental health condition.
It is great that you looked at what was going on more deeply with the support of Universal Medicine practitioners, ‘my internal voice was still running me down, judging me, chastising me all the time. So I might have been making better choices, but I was just ‘doing’ them to make things better rather than because I really felt I was worth it.’
What are we not able to choose our way out of? Nothing. There is no situation in life that we are not able to eventually choose our way out of. Not that we can necessarily do it in one lifetime but over many lifetimes we shall all eventually choose our way out of the illusion of creation and back into the reality of truth. And when we get back to truth we shall realise that the truth is the same for all of us, identical in fact.
Finding our love is a huge step that usually has to go through the process of being at-least gentle before we become self loving and that is all on the way to love.
To get to the point that we are the creators of our problems and that we ‘enjoy’ running our stories and the mess we create, is a massive step towards truly healing our issues. It takes courage and bravery to get to this point.
This rachelmurtagh1 is huge because I saw a psychiatrist for many years and was encouraged to feel that I was a victim of life and others peoples whims, that it was not my fault. This approach was a perfect excuse for me to veggitate in my own mess and not to take any responsibility for life. So I stagnated for 25 years going round in circles just about managing life. To discover with the support of the Universal Medicine practitioners that I was the creator of my ill health and depression was a huge wake up call and with their support I now lead an amazing life free of ill mental health issues and no depression. That to me is a miracle because I always had the feeling at the back of my mind I would end up in a mental health institution in my old age. Instead at nearly 65 years old I’m at the peak of life with everything to look forward to, an amazing and oh so bright future.
When we undo our own issues as we are the only ones who can so we can start down the road of being self-loving towards everything that needs exposing and they become obvious and so simple for us to empower our-selves with the help of a True practitioner to clear out all the old ill ways of living.
It can feel like an uphill battle, when you’re at the bottom of the rot you can look around and think that you can’t get out. Equally, reaching the bottom can actually be the wake-up call necessary, the realisation that you cannot continue living this way and slowly start to turn things around. It is all a choice, and yet we don’t even have to reach rock bottom to start to turn our lives around. To start bringing more meaning and more responsibility in what we do.
It may be hard to be honest about depression because in our honesty we are called to take a responsible step and get on top of it. When stuck in a cycle such as depression, people may feel incapable of making choices to come out of it, they may feel debilitated, exhausted etc. But when presented with responsibility, people are given a choice to take power over their condition, to see it for what it is and begin to make steps.. it is important that in that process people are supported, cared for and feel like those around them are there and won’t just give up on them. But to sympathise and feel sorry for people with any condition can actually make the situation worse, this behaviour confirms to people that they’re incapable of dealing with the situation and therefore is very harmful.
When we feel we are totally received and heard with no judgment, we can hear ourselves with much more clarity, and it supports us become more honest and willing to take a step further.
I can also endorse Universal Medicine; the commitment and care the practitioners have for their patients is phenomenal but at the end of the day no one can save us it is our responsibility to save ourselves.
What I do to myself I do to others. Love and build love in the relationship with self and I love and build love in every relationship I am constellated to be in and experience. It always in every movement comes down to the relationship I have with me first.
‘Now that I’ve allowed myself to feel my brutally low opinion of myself, I can see past that part and see the real me – this beautiful woman who is just busting to be given permission to come out into the world.’ Low Self Worth is common in both men and women and the major cause of so much unease that leads to disease. It’s not until we address the relationship with ourselves that we can in anyway change the way we are in life and that doesn’t mean dwelling on our issues or making them the reason we get depressed thus creating a fixed state and identity for ourselves but to see that life is fluid and ever changing as we are and that what is underneath this is not just a wounded child but a joyful and playful child and and also a responsible and love filled woman.
‘Very gently, I considered my part in my life.’ To do this requires a level of honesty that few are truly willing to embrace. Far from being victims of life, when we begin to break it down, we can begin to see how we have manifested or exacerbated situations that we have tried to blame others for. Taking greater responsibility for our part in our life’s problems I have found brings an inner settlement.
Playing the victim is a choice and feeds the energy that seeks to destroy…the hardest part is being honest about this and actually realising the power we hold to play such a game.
When we bring honesty to the way we have been living to me it is the first step to heal ourselves.
Many of us have this internal voice that runs us down with negative thoughts on a never ending loop. Making things better doesn’t work we actually have to change the way we think, I have found that the negative thoughts I have are not mine at all it just feels as though they are mine, after all why would I beat myself up thinking I’m wrong; why would I be so self abusive? It doesn’t make sense so where are these thoughts coming from?
“When we bring honesty to the way we have been living to me it is the first step to heal ourselves”, I agree Mary but this first step isn’t an easy one. All of our thoughts are impulsed by our thoughts and movements that have lead up to them, therefore if those thoughts and movements have been dishonest (and by dishonest I don’t mean being a thief or what society deems as a ‘bad’ person, I simply mean not being truthful with ourselves) then it makes it really hard to be totally honest with ourselves in that moment. But yes, of course, we can get totally honest with ourselves and in my experience, once I started to be honest then it had a sort of snowball effect and the lies and beliefs that I had been upholding came crashing down and what was revealed was the truth. The rather dazzling and resplendent truth.
Alexis, recently a Universal Medicine practitioner asked a group of us to consider a possible scenario and I sat with what they had said and what transpired was incredible. I realised that I had been caught in a rut of a certain way of thinking and it wasn’t until that way of thinking was exposed to the light of day, that I could see how the thoughts were keeping me stuck in a pattern that just kept repeating itself. Which are the thoughts and movements you mention, maybe is not so much being dishonest with ourselves but that the pattern becomes such a part of who we think we are. We get lost in the pattern until we are called out. That is what the Universal practitioners are trained to do to call the spirit out and expose its hold over our bodies.
Mary ingrained patterns of thinking and moving are the favoured hidey holes of the gnarly old spirit. Time to flush the bugger out!
This article proves that true healing has to do with us taking responsibility for the part we play in the situations we create.
Bringing back responsibility into all areas of our life is a very wise choice.
Sometimes it is only the tough way, ie. to get confronted with the truth in a loving and caring way that can get us out of the tough situation we have ended up with and often contributed to if not completely created ourselves, especially when the misery is actually the comfort we seek to escape the responsibility of facing what we are avoiding in the first place.
Put love into the mix and you get the best out of every other ingredient; it is love that ‘ennobles’ medicine, healing or any other craft to enable the magic that then can follow. And the same is true for when we start applying self-love.
‘I became open to looking at the possibility being presented to me that maybe I was setting up choices in my life to lead to events that would bring on the symptoms.’ This is huge. We all have a tendency to want to blame others for our woes and difficulties, but taking responsibility that we might in fact be the cause of them changes the game entirely.
It is interesting when you describe the feeling of giving up in depression. Perhaps all of our choices are moments of possible responsibility or giving up.
It takes the willingness of one to make a change combined with true support from a team around us to heal and to let go of things that hold us back in life. Amazing turn around Anon – and beautiful to see your honesty and openness in this blog as this will support many who have experienced a similar situation to see things in a different light.
It can be a hard pill to swallow when we realise how our choices have contributed to how we are feeling and that by simply changing the way we live can be one of our best medicines.
Absolutely, and unfortunately some are still not willing to see that truth.
When I am mean to me I can be mean to others… that is so true because we will not be willing to acknowledge that how we are being and what we are saying can hurt another. That is the ‘toughen up princess attitude’.
The honesty you have shared here can really help others when looking at the potential to be part and parcel of the healing from depression.
This article shows me just how important self-honesty is as starting place to heal. You really can’t move on or grow without it. The simple presentations showed how important things like exhaustion and creating drama are in our mental health. We don’t like to think we create our own mess but as you get honest with yourself, you get to see you are the creator of your own reality.
This blog describes what true medicine is all about – the client/the GP/the healing practitioner working together to bring about true healing. This is our future.
The power of working together.
I know what you mean when you say
“I had to admit that when I fell into a depression cycle, which went deeper and deeper into that black hole as it is often described, it almost felt like a drug, a relief to finally give in, give up and lay in bed. I’ve never taken heroin but it was almost like taking a ‘hit’ of something which I knew wasn’t good for me but boy, did it feel great.”
I got myself into a similar cycle of depression where it was very easy to give in and just take the drugs it was an enormous relief and an excuse to check out on life. Being a victim was my excuse.
Finding Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine was the best medicine I could ever give myself. Coming to the understanding that I was not a victim but actually a master of creating my own misery was a huge wake up call for me.
Sometimes not having any place to go to turns to be the best place to be in.
When we are presented with the absolute truth and accept it wholeheartedly within our body it is life changing – we are well ready for the what is next…
“I had to admit that when I fell into a depression cycle… it almost felt like a drug, a relief to finally give in, give up and lay in bed. I’ve never taken heroin but it was almost like taking a ‘hit’ of something which I knew wasn’t good for me but boy, did it feel great”. Wow! This really turns things in mental health on its head. So all the sympathy and fixing we as professionals, family etc try to do is pointless unless the person gets honest about what they are choosing and what they are getting out of the condition. I have realised this for myself with other conditions and issues.
This is extra-ordinary to contemplate that we could find relief in our checking out and staying in bed. That makes so much sense because it is a space where we can control what is going on around us, but in fact we can control nothing and means we are at the mercy of the life around us. When we take ourselves to be part of the solution we put ourselves on the front foot which is good for physical and mental health.
Depression is a very difficult and real experience for many people, and to date modern medicine seems to have not found an underlying cause that would prevent this illness. The Esoteric Modalities provide a great support working alongside conventional medicine to support the body in reclaiming its natural vitality and commitment.
One day there will be no depression on earth, not only that but there won’t even be a sliver of sadness. This is not pie in the sky or wishful thinking but a solid fact born from the knowledge that when we return to a soulful way of living all mental health conditions will naturally get swept away.
Even pessimism has a very strong effect upon our bodies, let alone depression. The president of the American Psychological Association has said that pessimism, with regards to potential heart problems, is the equivalent of smoking 2 1/2 packs of cigarettes a day! Enter The Way of the Livingness.
Fabulous stats Chris to quantify the harm that many of us allow to run our minds and bodies much of the day. Negative, pessimistic thoughts are like a poison, just like smoking harms the lungs.
Yes it’s true Isn’t it Fiona… If we just knew the effect that thoughts had upon us… Relentlessly we are sending messages to our bodies that are converted into chemical reactions… Everyone of which takes the toll.
Our ideas of love limit us from the true meaning of love. Love is beholding, love is non-judgemental, love does not allow abuse of any kind including the internal self-bashing.
It is interesting to contemplate the exhaustion and complexity of our lives when we can create drama or over involve ourselves in others lives and business.
The punishing “to do list”. A lot of us do this to ourselves and it takes being very gentle with ourselves to begin with to look at this and ask is this supportive. Its not about not having one, for they can support, but how we apply them to ourselves in life. Life can be full on without the added pressure of this on top of.
I love the honesty we have with ourselves. What I really can manage and not manage. And see what changes to make. This is more empowering than acting tough and saying I can do everything.
I feel I am being offered an opportunity to let go, to be truly honest with myself and assess what I can and cannot manage in my day. It requires a greater love to hold for myself in my expression and a love that not only supports myself but those around me in their unfolding too.
“They pointed out that I was stuck in the story of how my life was extremely tough, blaming events and people – and I wanted to stay there.” When truth is presented it exposes the lies we have been living and offers us an opportunity to change some very old patterns.
“I became open to looking at the possibility being presented to me that maybe I was setting up choices in my life to lead to events that would bring on the symptoms.” What you are presenting here is profound as it is asking us to bring a whole new level of understanding to our choices.
Yes, our choices and what outcomes our choices set up. If we are prepared to move ourselves with that in mind, the outcomes can be very different.
This is an empowerment from within….” this is a rah–rah for the growing awareness of the healing power of love” we choose it ourselves then it is steady, consistent and made to last, not a flash in the pan – this is the real deal.
Beautifully expressed Anon – you demonstrate that there is no such thing as a ‘lost cause’ , at any moment we can startle journey home to our true selves .
“it is true love to gently, without judgement, lovingly help people when they are ready to begin to entertain the possibility that we are responsible for our choices and the events that happen in our lives” Even the way you have written this sentence Anon I can feel how there is no expectation present, just a clarity of truth that can make it possible to change the way we think or approach life, when we are presented with truth in such a loving way.
I can get caught in the ‘getting better’ instead of choosing to heal and to truly feel what is happening with my body and see it as the blessing it is, a learning to take responsibility for the choices I have made in the past and to surrender my body to what is needed to come out.
Thank you for sharing your experience Anon, I have a member of my family that has been diagnosed with bi- polar and I personally don’t feel she has this condition but was using it as an excuse to give up on life. They bought a dog this has given them a new lease in life as they now have a purpose. I feel that society is too ready to put labels on people without truly understanding what is going on for them and to be honest the medical health system is so over worked the practitioners don’t have time to properly assess their patient how is it possible to assess someone in a few minutes that they are given?
The courage it takes to look within and without a skerrick of blame consider the part we each play in the daily experience of our life is to be greatly applauded. From there true and lasting change can occur.
This is an example of the fact that there is no problems or issues in this world but pure self-creations we seek and continue to seek so that we can be irresponsible and do not have to be amazing, stupendous and our absolutely naturally gorgeous all.
I find it fascinating how so often we can find ourselves feeling great yet then let thoughts in that we don’t deserve it or are not enough and then go about destroying it. It is like we take pride in saying we can rescue ourselves rather than living the love we know in full. Depression can be the fleeting moments on the downward cycle which can continue for years but at any moment we can bring ourselves back through our movement and when we go enough is enough the depressive feeling has no chocie but to leave as the love simply takes over and returns.
Depression is a word that people don’t like to hear or talk about, yet it is affecting many peoples lives. The fact that suicide is growing daily especially in our teenagers is showing us that something is not right with the world we live in today. We have all learnt to function in life and get by but we are not living joyfully and fully committed to life and we are living way less than who we truly are and who we deep down know ourselves to be.
Thank you for talking about depression and how it can lead to further illnesses, i feel it is something that should be talked about in schools and allow children to start expressing what they are feeling and what is going on in their lives, so many children learn to bottle up their feeling because they feel they are not heard and they take this into adult life.
I feel from listening to the community around me that most of us go to our doctors with this approach to an illness or disease.
“Okay, how do I fix this?”
I know from my own experience there is a lack of responsibility to this way of thinking. I have discovered that by coming to an understanding that I have never been a victim, that I actually had a lot to do with my depression through the choices I made. I was able to unravel how I got to be depressed and it went back to my childhood where I didn’t feel supported or wanted as a child so I made a decision to withdraw into my own little world, which meant I gave up on life. With no commitment to life there is no willingness to engage and this can lead to a zombie like way of living.
“… and because I could still be mean to me, it was easy to be mean to others too.” Bingo, the real undermining and insidious factor behind depression, aggression and mental illness that until truly addressed with an immense amount of love, care and honesty, will continue to erode our mental, emotional and physical health. Universal Medicine is about universally resuming responsibility for our conduct, starting from the inside out. When we bring healing to our inner realm our external environment naturally follows suite.
Yes. True love is being seen for your essence and not your illnesses or behaviours. When another truly meets us we are reminded how powerful we are.
I have felt depressed, not diagnosed, but certainly not living a full and joyful life. I am realising that this comes from a deep knowing that what we live is not true, so much is contra to our true knowing of relationships and how humanity can be. If we react and give up, this is depression. I have not been depressed as many call it for years, this has come from honouring what I feel and know within me rather than attempting to fit in with the way that society have created life. I am joyful, vital and full of love, most of the time – Amazing…
Gosh I needed to read this today, thank you. Especially this line – “I still hadn’t committed to genuinely loving me and making that the reason for every choice I made in my day.” A timely reminder.
When we are ready to accept responsibility for our own condition and illness we are ready to heal. Your story displays this beautifully.
It is a hard pill to swallow when we are confronted with the truth that we have played a major part in our illness and how our lives have played out.
“I am understanding more and more the meaning of true love and what that encompasses…” – what an amazing story of personal turmoil and drama then towards understanding and love. Where would we be without love? Depressed for sure. It’s no surprise mental heath conditions are escalating as we see through the news, reports or observation the continuing escalation of loveless ways, events, toxic workplaces, families, relationships.
Only understanding what do we say yes to, opens the door to move forward if we are willing to go there with openness and honesty.
What is so beautifully described here is the unfolding process of taking more and more responsibility in life which when supported by your health practitioners allowed you to address the areas of exhaustion and giving up in your life.
‘ I might have been making better choices, but I was just ‘doing’ them to make things better rather than because I really felt I was worth it.’ Lack of self worth is a such a commonplace phenomena, it pervades the whole of society at one level or another. Sometimes those with the lowest self esteem are those who appear to the world to have it all sorted. I feel that we can only really have self worth when we connect to our essence. Then we feel what we are actually worth and realise how awesomely priceless that is.
I have found it amazing how much the choices we make directly effect our thoughts and the how we are. and these can change almost instantly when we move with the love that we are and do not accept any less. The key I have found is the consistency of our loving movements so when those moments of seeming overwhelm come we have something to go to and a foundation to support us. The more I choose to love myself the more love I feel from others which also shows it affects my perception of how people are and ultimately how I view the world.
The medicinal qualities of love and care – so true how powerful that is, and it makes me realise how little of it we give to ourselves.
Being honest and transparent with what we are feeling and why is one of the greatest ways we can heal ourselves.
It sure is, simply expressing it to ourselves and then say to another starts the healing process. I find at times when I keep everything to myself and do not (want to) see things clearly it can be easy to turn to food and then I just feel elation for a short period but nothing changes, just the scenary! Yet when I take a moment to stop what is there can be seen more clearly and so I can deal with it rather than feeling the overwhelm from it.
Anon absolutely amazing you turned this around – wow thats some journey super and shows us that everything is exposed under the power of real love.
Building self-worth is something that most of us struggle with. You make a great point when you talk about the chatter we have in our heads that we use to put ourselves down. We can be totally overwhelmed by this well before we try to deal with life. The way we speak to ourselves makes a huge difference to how we feel. It’s not just what we do for ourselves it is how we do it, what quality we do it in, and cutting out the harming thoughts.
I agree it is the way we do things that makes such a huge difference. I also find it can be easy to do things for another but to truly do loving things and be love with myself is challenging as it means I have to accept that I am love but have been choosing to live less.
Awesome sharing. It s great to clock how much drama we create in our lives and how that spins out of control when we don’t take the time to look at our part in it.
A beautiful story of what can be healed with responsibility.
We can get lost in the canvas that is our own life if we don’t step back now and again and are willing to look at the bigger picture, to be honest at how we have been playing our part and give ourselves the space to do things differently.
When we take true responsibility in our lives and with our health, it is a win win. A win for you, your family and all you meet and our community as we have a fully committed member of our community returning to serve in full. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing your story. You offer a different view of depression and one that takes the victim out of the equation and adds self responsibility instead .
Thank you. The way you describe depression and express about your experience goes a long way to destigmatising mental illness. I have personally found this blog to be very helpful in supporting me to see where I need to take more responsibility in my own life.
The support that the Universal Medicine therapies offers connects you with your own inner essence, and builds the true you, from the inside out.
It is a beautiful thing when a person gives up the need to be a victim of life and starts to take responsibility for them. This is when the medical fraternity can really engage and work with the person to support true healing.
Great point Elizabeth. I’ve always found that I receive the support that I need from others when I am truly ready to address what is going on in my mind and body.
What a deeply honest perspective this is – to look at our part in the drama and chaos of life. We can get to a place where we feel the world is against us, but if we are not willing to see the choices we are responsible for in putting us there, then there is no healing
“this is a rah–rah for the growing awareness of the healing power of love” I love this because it is true – we can say what someone needs to do to change or just put down a diagnosis but if it is done so without love and care the chance is big that the person runs the other way even though what we are saying is very true.
Being part of true healing means looking at every angle of an illness, and the part we play in it (with zero blame) has to be part of that.
” I created chaos and overwhelm in my life” When we are open to looking at this fact as truth we taking the first steps out of the maelstrom of overwhelm and returning to the stillness of who we are.
What I found interesting in this article this evening is that anon’s body could no longer tolerate anti depressant medication. This to me is rather significant, as it indicated that she was ready to look deeper into her condition, the wisdom of our bodies has the potential to take us to the greatest healing of our life.
Very inspiring to read this account of healing from depression, and taking responsibility for one’s own healing.
It is not until we acknowledge the part we play in our depression – and can therefore make a choice to change it – that true healing begins. If we don’t, we are merely being administered to rather than take responsibility for our part in it.
What a powerful lived testimony to the choices and changes you have made in order to stop creating all the overwhelm, exhaustion and depression in your life. The true healing begins when we can be honest enough to nominate that we are the creators of our own sad story and it can be re-imprinted with awareness and joy.
Amazing isn’t it Stephanie that we are the ‘creators of our own sad story’ because when we are stuck in ‘our own sad story’ we would never admit that we’re the ones making it up. But make it up we do, in fact we make up all of our stories, happy or sad because there are no stories in truth. Truth is a constant, a beautiful, never changing understanding of life that doesn’t have any up or downs or even the minutest waver. Therefore any aspect of our life that has an up or a down in it has not come from truth and is conjured up willingly by us.
It is a big step to get out of playing a victim of life. It works well for a lot of people – but this sharing shows how we can take responsibility in every moment. We don’t have to wait for the suddenness of a situation to start to look at how we are living and what we are attracting in our lives.
It is very scary when you feel yourself slipping away from engaging in life and withdrawing it can be a steep slippery slope. So to have help and support is much needed to bring us back. Medication can help, but it can also in my experience make matters worse because you can then let everything go and give in to the numbing effect that the drugs offer.
Great blog, when we are willing to take a look at ourselves and what part we may play in our own illness and diseases, we discover that there is a responsibility that we can take for ourselves, to make different choices and not expect someone else to fix something for us.
” by generating circumstances and situations that made life so hard and so difficult that giving up felt like the only option? ” This is true of a lot of peoples situations even people with no record of mental illness. This way of living gives one the false understanding that their voice / choice has no power , but the opposite is true.
This is absolutely amazing – a truly inspirational blog of the consequences of every choice we make in our lives and the changes that are possible from being at a very low point to return to a harmonious way of being.
I agree it is painful to retrace how and why habits and behaviours are occurring, but to do so, and go for it and be honest is the most liberating experience I have encountered and I continue to expose layers of deceit and self-responsibility. In doing so behaviours are being healed, there is no other way but to consider where we can make a choice.
What the world seems to have dismissed and forgotten is that someone who is suffering from depression or who is bi-polar, is underneath it all extremely sensitive, and reacting to the world. So often the sympathy card is played in lieu of real connection and support – a support that holds them first and foremost as the sensitive human beings they are, and then offering them the possibility that this way of withdrawing from the world doesn’t need to be the only way they can try to cope with their sensitivity.
The esoteric brings this understanding in spades – never holding the person by their ailment or condition as a precursor to who they are, but seeing the whole person first who has made choices – choices they can always undo if that is what they want to do, and return back steadily and in their own time to the truth of who they are.
A suggestion of true gold ‘…maybe I was setting up choices in my life to lead to events that would bring on the symptoms…’ Just asking this question of yourself and a question that we can all relate to and ponder, opens up the world of possibilities rather than blaming or feeling victim, we get to discern our involvement in our experiences in life.
With a fresh approach, always coming from our inner essence and bring the fullness of our true selves. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your story Anon. With true support we are able to look at our part in the overall picture of our struggle with whatever issues we are having in life and this allows us to heal ourselves for ultimately it is up to us to make the necessary changes.
There is a desire to listen to the inner-voice when it says un-loving cruel words to one-self. Truly why would one want to listen to a cruel unloving inner voice . Think about it .
I think it’s empowering to support someone to consider deeply the part they may be playing in their own wellbeing – for then we can clearly see what we have the power to change. Universal Medicine has helped me to deepen the level of honesty that I have with myself without judgement, which is crucial because that just creates further complication rather than the clarity we can otherwise allow ourselves to go to…
It is not always so easy to admit how the responsibility for our thoughts and emotions sits firmly with ourselves. I guess this has come to be a part of our constructed ways for coping with life – to avoid the lightness of being that we so naturally are and to allow instead a kind of darkness to consume us through our thoughts and actions. It can be a long and tough road, but I am learning that by saying yes to love I am in fact quite simply saying no to what is not love, and this brings so much light back in to life again, it makes me wonder why I ever said yes to the darkness in the first place.
Thank you Shami. A powerful statement stated with the simplicity that Love is. “I am learning that by saying yes to love I am in fact quite simply saying no to what is not love, and this brings so much light back in to life again, it makes me wonder why I ever said yes to the darkness in the first place”.
I learned at a presentation I went to last night that depression is a result of pictures we create and they are created based on the rules we subscribe to in life. So basically they are ‘all’ created by us and the fact that we feel a loss when our pictures/expectations of life are not met, when we don’t deal with the loss we feel sadness, when the sadness is not dealt with, we feel grief and the undulate with grief turns up as depression!!!
One thing I have learned from working in the healthcare industry is that the way we diagnose, treat and view people with mental illness is outdated. One thing I began to observe was, the things that mentally ill people suffer from, so called “normal people” suffer from as well but perhaps what we call normal has become way too comfortable and diminished compared to true wellness and vitality.
Overwhelm is an interesting emotion and one that seems to be in lead of many mental illness. For me, thinking about what needs to be done but not doing anything about it feels horrible in my body and I can get myself to a state of overwhelm. So overwhelm is a choice. Doing what needs to be done and responding to life is very good medicine, mentally and physically.
Love and care are indeed medicinal qualities and ought to be an essential part of any health care plan. Without love and care there is no true healing.
It’s amazing that we have this voice playing in our minds that is so self destructive and what’s more we listen to this seemingly over all the confirmation and affirmation we are given by our friends and family. Why is this and where on earth do these negative thoughts come from? They must come from somewhere.
I have been learning that everything is energy and there are two types of energy we could say positive and negative and to me the vast majority of us have got caught up in the negative energy that then feeds us the negative thoughts. Some times these thoughts are so negative that we don’t feel that we can continue with life. It feels to me that there is something else unseen that is controlling our lives and because we cannot see it we feel that there is something wrong with us rather than understanding that these negative thoughts are not ours but we are constantly being fed them. If humanity could get to this understanding we could then take the next step by actively looking to understand where this negative energy is coming from and why.
So true Mary – the first thought is it must be ourselves that are getting it wrong – understanding energy runs us constantly is the opportunity to choose which energy to have running us.
“It feels to me that there is something else unseen that is controlling our lives and because we cannot see it we feel that there is something wrong with us rather than understanding that these negative thoughts are not ours but we are constantly being fed them”.
We can be our own worst taskmaster, ‘I threw in sabotaging thoughts of being a failure for not ever achieving the unachievable, plus a range of judgemental, self-loathing thoughts?’. Why are we so harsh with ourselves? I love how you brought in responsibility; taking time to appreciate and care for ourselves whilst deepening our self love and self worth are fundamental steps for all of us in my experience.
How great that you had support from Universal Medicine practitioners and your Doctor, ‘I felt her genuine care – this care and talking with her felt like medicine in itself.’
Sometimes it takes someone holding our hand firmly and asking us if we are committed to changing the behaviour not just wanting a change.
When we consider the magic of God that is all around us, we need to ask ourselves the question of why do we resists embracing it and choose to be obedient to something that will only create complications and pain in our lives? when we look at it this way we realise we have been played all along by letting our heads run our lives rampant when we have everything that is needed when we live with an open heart.
If I do not feel a sense of purpose in my day and when I wake then I can feel the energy of depression trying to come in. Yet the moment I reconnect back to the purpose I know it lifts. For me one of the best ways to do this is connecting with others and making life about people rather than simply about what I can get out of the situation and better my life.
‘the medicinal qualities of love and care ‘ – Beautifully said anon, Truly caring, nurturing and loving ourselves is medicine.
‘…could be possible that exhaustion was playing a part in my depression and, more so, was I maybe making choices in my life to create the drama, thereby providing myself with the exhaustion and chaos – which in turn gave me the excuse to go into overwhelm and give up?’ This is enormous in terms of realisation and that we are in fact creators of all that we experience…even if on the surface it doesn’t look that way. To consider that we set ourselves up is a gigantic leap, but when really felt into the truth of it, it cannot be denied.
Thank you for sharing with us all how true love and true care has supported you. And no matter how great it may be, it can only support, it is your choice to come to the truth and heal that makes a true change possible. You are an absolute inspiration.
taking responsibility for our choices is an exercise in discernment and love, there is no place for judgement or blame of ourselves or anyone, only the offer of a greater awareness and greater freedom from the ties that previously bound us, incarcerating us in a misery of our own making. Responsibility and love for ourselves is the first step towards true freedom.
I agree, the state of our health begins first with us taking responsibility for it, nothing can shift unless we choose it to be so. This is so significant concerning mental health, as so often people think it is about a victim hood and ‘why me’….I know that horrible situations and hurts can trigger why someone may have a mental health issue, but still the choice to heal, the choice to look at why and make different choices, has to begin with ourselves first. Very powerfully and clearly stated in this article.
“I still hadn’t committed to genuinely loving me and making that the reason for every choice I made in my day.”
This very much is a commitment, for the reasons to not are forever there on the peripheral of our lives, it is only the deep commitment that will hold us and support us to say no to what lies peripherally and yes to genuinely loving ourselves every day.
“In the sessions with them whilst I was pouring out my heart, concerned for mine and my family’s welfare, they didn’t seem to really engage with me or even look at me; they made notes then delivered their diagnosis, writing out a script for anti-depressants. The experience felt cold and unassuring.”
I think so many of us have had this experience when we have reached out for help and been met with knowledgeable professionals who may have the technically correct answers, but are unable to connect with us in a human way where we feel met and feel able to let go enough to surrender. When we feel met we are able to find a space in which to turn the trajectory of our lives around. This is the foundation I have found for true healing.
‘I had been running two lives: a physically exhausting one, and another in my head running non-stop commentaries on how useless I was’ – Imagine if our commentator alter-ego was another person, who followed us everywhere we went, criticised everything we did and picked out everything we do ‘wrong’… this person could easily be charged for harassment and we wouldn’t want them in our lives, yet so many people accept this every day?
I agree Brendan. If we continue to blame ourselves and others for our circumstances it feeds a vicious cycle of abuse, depression, anxiety, stress, overwhelm and the list goes on. Choosing to let go of blame and take responsibility for all our choices and everything that happens to us with love and understanding then life becomes empowering, joyful and we are able to develop a deeper level of love the more we choose a deeper level of responsibility. Amazing how this works, so simple, so accessible and always available for everyone to choose.
Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly about your experience with depression and bi-polar. Your story will support and inspire so many people to understand the root cause of depression. Yes scientifically it has been proven to be related to a chemical imbalance in our body but what you have clearly shared from experience is that there is much more to it than that. My understanding is that antidepressants doesn’t cure depression but acts as a relief and support for most people. You demonstrated how important it is to seek support that is truly loving and caring, and then also being willing to take responsibility for all your choices. Also choosing to look deeper into your relationship with yourself and developing self-love, self-care and self-nurture to help understand what was driving and creating your symptoms. The biggest part that stood out for me was realising how much of what happens to us is all a result of our choices. That we are responsible for choosing to feel joyful and we are equally responsible for feeling depressed, anxious or overwhelmed. Understanding this has changed my life.
I heard today that a school was wanting to raise money as more and more kids were facing depression. These students were from year 9. It made me really stop and see that depression is a huge issue that we are not really wanting to see. What I love about this sharing is that it brings it back to self responsibility and our role in what is going on with our lives. Do we express from an issue we have or do we look to see what we could do to support ourselves? A big question for all of us to ask.
Yes, and how important it is to allow support from others. In depression we can hide ourselves away in a corner and shut out the world. We may need time on our own but we also need connection with others where we can open up and uncover what is really going on. Universal Medicine Practitioners are an awesome support in this way.
A lot of us have an attitude because the world has been cruel to us; we close down to those around us and wallow in a cocoon of being a victim. I know this well and the seeking of sympathy; I also know well that sympathy and being a victim only makes things worse. It takes self love and self care to look with honesty at ones choices and take responsibility and control of your life like you have so well described here.
Whenever we feel scared about something, we can be assured that we are not our true self. Because anyone who has felt their own confidence and shine know that being timid and panicky is not their natural self. So when I feel scared, I would ask myself–who on earth is this? It is obviously not me, and therefore it is silly to indulge in this emotion or to even criticise myself.
Absolutely amazing Anon. With mental illness I’ve observed a lot of people become extremely insular and shut off from people, family and friends, but it’s incredible how one of the best remedies is actually opening up to love and care and not taking the depression, anxiety or sadness on solo.
Thank you anon for sharing your story of challenges, courage, love, truth, wisdom and above all self responsibility. I deeply appreciate what you have expressed and shared, thank you.
‘I can tell you, it was pretty painful to even contemplate for one second the possibility that I could be responsible for creating all the pain I’d been through, and had put my family through.’ I love your honesty anon, this can’t be an easy thing to admit and yet, I expect this truth applies to us all in one form or another. Thank you for your upfront sharing.
Taking responsibility for the life we have created can at times seem like a bitter pill to swallow, but ultimately frees us from the creation itself.
Thank you for sharing honestly the game of drama and emotion that is rife in the world today and one of the major factors we have an alarming rate of depression and exhaustion. The willingness to not walk away was your awareness that for the first time you were being presented with the truth and your commitment to hearing and living this now needs to be appreciated. This example is a great blog for all to read as we can so easily stay in “the rut if irresponsibility” or bring more understanding, openness and be prepared for a much needed change.
The antidote to de-pression is ex-pression. The former literally presses us down, the latter lifts us.
It sure is Lucy – I love the play on words – and adding humour is always great! as you have naturally expressed.
How uncomfortable responsibility can be when we first take it, but it is the only path to true freedom.
Those voices in our head that are a constant sabotaging commentary have to be addressed… And they can be! It’s just that we have given them a momentum, but like anything with momentum, it can be, with constant choices, changed diametrically in its path… Nothing is inevitable.
Change does happen even if we cannot see it immediately – hence we can never underestimate the little steps we make because they are the foundation for the big steps we take to grow.
As a society, we have become used to instant gratifying changes with results that please. When we are offered space, patience and appreciation the quality in the results is what is not only felt but remains as a marker of where we were at and what we have aligned to now.
Thank you for sharing your experience with depression – in our stories of how we have found Truth, we offer others much inspiration to make true change as well.
In my life I have observed people who have depression, and it was confronting to see them lying in bed not wanting to get up in the morning and just crying. I used to feel so helpless, but at the same time I just knew I had to ‘get on’ with my life. Perhaps in not indulging in this behaviour allowed them then later on to bring themselves out of it…who knows… I do know as well that after I gave birth with the lack of sleep, the lack of immediate support and the overwhelm and exhaustion I was in, I did have what I would call post natal depression. But interestingly I can now see how I played into it, and made it far worse than what it was and ‘needed’ to be. More recently I have also felt much sadness, a sadness that feels old and has no obvious cause to it, and this has affected me on a day to day basis where I could say ‘I feel depressed’ – in other words I have recognised that this overwhelm is a form of depression. But thankfully, I have come to realise that though this is there, it is about not giving into it – it is about acknowledging the sadness and as you have said Anon, taking the time to appreciate myself, respect and care for myself and deepen my love and self worth, and to live from this rather than from the sadness. I have also felt that the sadness is an opportunity offered to connect deeper with myself, rather than use it to take me further away from myself. When we see it this way, we get to see that everything in life is an opportunity offered for growth.
This difference between wanting to make life better and actually addressing our relationship with ourselves is monumental. They are entirely different processes with entirely different outcomes. Bingo is right. This is where true healing can occur, when we are willing to address our relationship with ourselves rather than apply a short-term fix. Being mean with ourselves is something that can slip under the radar if we are not being vigilant. Yet it is very destructive of any sense of self-love and equally draining of our energy. No wonder we end up feeling unwell.
There is such a crucial distinction shared here between doing self-loving things and being love itself. It seems that until we embrace the latter and choose to understand our responsibility to be love nothing will really heal. Great sharing, thank you.
Taking responsibility is the inevitable fork in the road to our own self salvation or demise. We all have that choice.
The realisation that we have a part to play in everything that happens to us can either be very inspiring, or daunting. It entirely depends on how we take it, however if we realise that the fact that we have a part to play in everything gives us the power to create a wonderful life for ourselves, things in our life may begin to change.
Reading here the incredible honesty that you have written with is very inspiring, and it blows the top off of depression itself, from your own lived experience you are showing us that depression is not the end of the line, it is merely a stop gap along the way as we return back to being in loving relationships with ourselves once again.
“All of the above helped bring me back to ME, showing me that I always had a choice, even when I had dug my heels in pretty deep, thinking I had no choice, believing that the dramatic events in my life were outside of my control and that I was a lost cause.” What you share is enormous anon, you show that we always have the power to change our lives and it doesn’t take much just one step at a time looking at what is happening in our life and becoming honest where we are at and ask for and accept the help that is there.
Wow Anonymous you have shown us what it looks like to take responsibility for our choices. It is easy to blame life, people and our situation for how we feel but choosing to take responsibility for every part of it empowers us to see the truth of what is going on and bring about true change and supports us to step out of the black hole we’ve dug. Taking responsibility is like our medicine.
What if we all knew that the slightest complication we bring in, indulge in or herald as badge of honor in life is our own choice of delay in just simply being who we are, so as to reflect the simplicity of Love in our every day life? What if we simply saw through this truth and without further delay just returned to being true to ourselves, just because it feels so much more joyful and simple?
Thank you for this extraordinarily honest and open article… what was interesting to me was how it propelled me into some great research on the effects of singing on depression… Pick an area of psychology from communication, interpersonal benefits, cognitive and emotional benefits, physical, etc! And we find that singing really really helps.
Wow. This it true healing. When in pain, we want to fix the problem or at least manage it, but true love can take us further.
Much to love about what you share here and one part that really stood out was your realisation that you were making ‘better decisions’ to have ‘a better life’ but not looking at the underlying theme that was behind making these decisions. That is where the gold is. If it is to better ourselves, then we are not recognising that we are already everything and that is what is worth taking care of. Self-love and self-care is such an important foundation.
There is so much to discuss here and I love your honesty, what I got throughout your blog was how your willingness and openness to heal deep within brought people into your life who could truly help you with this and get to the bottom of what was going on.
I too suffered from depression which led to a spell in a mental hospital because I was incapable of looking after myself. Looking back I had completely abandoned myself and given up on life. I was listening to a presentation recently where it was said that the spirit http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-spirit.html
is constantly fighting to stay as an individual it does not want to go back to soul/God because it will loose it’s identity and that is everything to the spirit. So then I wondered from that if there was a part of me, my spirit that knew exactly what it was doing and was in control. If this is true and it feels very possible to me, I feel I’m just waking up to the fact just how much I am dominated by something I cannot see but can feel as it is running my body in such away that is going against everything I hold dear in this life which is my relationship to soul/God.
“I can tell you, it was pretty painful to even contemplate for one second the possibility that I could be responsible for creating all the pain I’d been through” Amazing that you clocked this and actually considered this and then with love and care you was able to accept it and then change it to benefit not only yourself but everyone around you. Thank you for being brave enough to go there.
This is a brilliant and amazingly open sharing Anon. But this is exactly what we as a world need to know. Not just those who suffer with Bipolar, but anyone who carries on with a condition that they know is bad for their health. You show there is a way and an answer to almost any ailment if we but stop and see that the condition is in the first instance, our responsibility. Just this simple acknowledgement on a world-wide scale would initiate so much healing.
Absolutely Joseph, I agree. When I look around our society, there is a huge amount of irresponsibility that is present and celebrated. I feel this is one of the main reasons why we have high rates of illness and disease. So I feel this is so true, taking responsibility does equal healing and such a simple equation we have yet to apply collectively.
The power of responsibility – love it.
Your story is a testament to the power of taking responsibility for your choices and for the part you play in your own suffering… and a great example of the commitment you embraced, supported you with the loving care you were treated with, to being able to unravel and transform your life. A great sharing.
Absolutely, and to me to ask for help feels like an opening up as well – a step towards change and letting go of old ways that haven’t worked. Something I’ve learnt is also to be aware of not being attached to how the help will look (e.g looking for sympathy) and also to keep discerning if the help being offered genuinely feels supportive. I know that with Universal Medicine the help I’ve been offered has been utterly sincere and truly loving.
The quality in someone’s presence can be a huge support; like your GP or the Universal Medicine practitioners that you saw who inspired you to make true changes in your life whilst not feeling judged or dismissed. How we are with each other can make such an impact.
This is staggering in its honesty, a healing to read, many of us have lived or grown up with depression as part of our lives. To feel the quality of someone taking responsibility, is amazing. I also feel this in my own life, in the way that I now do not blame others for my issues, it is a responsibility, but it a joy and so empowering to make this choice.
With the rates of suicide of doctors and psychologists it would suggest that these professions are in need of some true love and true care. If we don’t have medical professionals who know and understand these qualities for themselves, then what quality are they able to hold another in. And what quality are the institutions that are supposed to train and support these professionals. Of course it starts with us and taking responsibility for giving ourselves, but we also need to bring this to the insitutions of education, medicine, and psychology, every facet of life actually, so we don’t raise another generation in the disregard and neglect of self – crushed by the extreme demands of a competitive, hardened, loveless system.
This is a brave and intelligent article, its speaks to all those that seek to put Unimed in a spiritual box, yet it equally speaks to all those that want to only champion one way or another way, it cuts through all the rah- rah to the point that it is LOVE that is to be celebrated for the shift you have made in your life.
We tend go to extremes as human beings, we either want to take all the credit for our changes or give all the credit to someone else for our changes, neither one is actually taking responsibly. We often miss the balance of appreciating others support as much as we appreciate that we were the ones that actually choose to seek it in the first place. You bring the perfect balance in this blog of these things.
What a great blog! It shows so clearly how any sympathy or empathy does not help in any way deal with the underlying conditions – the real roots of why such conditions are there in the first place.
So much understanding you share Anon, thank you. True love: ‘to bring people back to who they really are’. This is loving service and commitment to living and participating in whatever is called for.
Thank you anon for sharing your experiences, your knowledge and your wisdom; what you have shared is so inspirational, gently supporting us be aware and take responsibility for our choices and the medical conditions they create. I love how you have highlighted truth and love being the antedate and true medicine.
I would also like to acknowledge thanks and appreciation to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine who have brought a whole different understanding to the causes and effects of depression through its energetic aspect…an aspect I found dearly missing when I had depression many years before Serge and Universal Medicine came into being. Our own experience, the experience of the traditional medical approach, and the understandings Universal Medicine have brought, offer a valuable experience that can be shared widely.
I am so glad that you are now in a much better space and well able to cope with all that is required of you. I love how cutting the energy of what was going on, has been a God send for you and such a blessing you choose to be truly supported to make these changes.
Thank you for sharing your story and shedding so much light on the cause for depression and how this can be approached, which I can relate to very much, as whilst I have never been diagnosed with depression I do know this state of feeling down and how negative thoughts and exhaustion can wear you out.
This sharing is simply beautiful. Every movement you made towards responsibility solidified your new choices to build a solid foundation of love and that support aided your return to you and the joy your are. Awesome thank you.
This is a truly powerful personal testament that truth, honesty and love are true medicine.
Having had a few bouts of depression in the past I too have come through it with much held from Universal Medicine Practitioners and family and friends. Learning to stay in the present with our focus on what we are doing or feeling has helped.
Depression is something that plagues many people, myself included in the past. I can relate to a lot of what you have shared here anon, that is the to-do lists, the overwhelm, the distractions. These are all things that foster never feeling good enough and always feeling like we never measure up. This contributes to the feelings of depression. But finding a way out of that, making other lifestyle choices, that foster, self honouring and love, have helped enormously in dropping any feelings of depression.
Oh how we set ourselves up to bring on symptoms to give ourselves excuses to with draw from the world! – rather than bring our enormous power to present our stillness. I well knew these excuses in depression, and these days thanks to the esoteric psychology, can catch them and see them for what they are before they build and escalate.
Thank you for sharing your personal journey of how you suffered severe depression and how YOU managed to come out the other side with the aid of various health practitioners, family and friends who all shared the same vital ingredient – LOVE.
What an incredible read thank you for sharing about depression in such a responsible way, I am always interested in the fact we say that we ‘suffer’ with depression as if it is something beyond us that is imposed upon us.
Very true observation, Vanessa, that by saying ‘suffer’ we are saying it is being done to us and we have no choice while this honest, intimate and powerful sharing shows otherwise.
‘Suffering’ is just one of the many guises of the spirit, it loves to dress itself up in many costumes and what a splendid outfit ‘suffering’ is because it’s one that many of us are able to hide out in for lifetime after lifetime and not get called out in for choosing it for ourselves because part of the outfit of suffering is to believe that ‘somebody’ or ‘something’ has done it to us.
Thank you for a very inspiring blog to read, depression seems so hard for people to come out of, but you were able to love yourself enough to take responsibility and honestly look at the drama you were creating. Beautiful to accept and acknowledge the loving support from the Doctor the Unimed practitioners and family and most of all from your loving self.
What an awesome blog from an awesome woman. Your journey through this is inspirational. To persevere, to hear and act on the hard stuff, to discard all those learned behaviours and to move beyond the negative thoughts is huge and I am very appreciative. We are all amazing, loving beings and to be able to uncover the amazing, loving being you are after being in such a state is something the world really needs to know.
Thank you so much for your honest blog – it is so helpful to understand more about the diagnoses being bi-polar. Your following insight was very helpful for me: “So I might have been making better choices, but I was just ‘doing’ them to make things better rather than because I really felt I was worth it.” It seems to be that self-worth is very good additional medicine – I was not aware how powerful self worth can be!
Such honesty in your sharing anon, there is so much here for many to understand and learn from. There is always a way in which we can go, being responsible or irresponsible. What you have described here is someone who challenged the medical system, doctors and the like, listened to yourself and rebuilt a loving relationship with yourself. Very inspiring for many.
Yes it is both love and responsibility to present the ‘tough stuff’ – even now i know there are times when I hold back – we are in a patter of capped expression because its more comfortable and yet there are people who are longing to hear the truth. This blog reminds me of the power we all have to be honest and express in full with each other.
I absolutely applaud you… this is such an honest sharing of what you’ve been through. Two things particularly stand out… first your willingness to tell the world the details of what was going on for you as l’m sure many can relate but try to keep it hidden from most. And secondly, your willingness to go there in terms of taking responsibility for healing yourself. Knowing where to go to for true support is vital, and you were very blessed to have practitioners at hand who could facilitate what was needed for you to get back on your feet.
‘…one of the side effects of one pill listed said that suicidal thoughts could occur in the first two weeks…’. What is going on here? It seems extraordinary that a medication seemingly designed to alleviate depression might have a known effect that could lead to the user taking their own life. How is it possible such a drug could be deemed safe? Perhaps this is a reflection of what we have come to consider an acceptable risk to our own well-being, and the level to which we have abdicated the safe-guarding of our own health. Well done anon for clocking this and pressing for another answer.
‘…I had nothing to lose because I couldn’t find relief with the anti-depressants. So I continued to listen.’ Interesting how it often takes hitting rock bottom before we find there is nowhere else to turn but to the truth. This is the way for so many of us, and possibly we should be glad there is such a thing as rock bottom, otherwise we might not get to the truth at all. Having said that, it would be a whole lot more useful (and quicker) if we were able to identify the truth of our situations for ourselves without having to go to hell and back, however that looks for us. Either way, we’ll all get there in the end. How can we not?
It really is possible for people to be genuinely caring, loving and compassionate without being sympathetic nor holding back on pulling others up so to speak. In fact it is deeply loving to truly support another to take more responsibility for their life.
If we live a life that exhausts our body and is unloving that it seems like a healthy response to feel depressed about it in that this is not a healthy way to live. A lot of our body messages are there to lovingly call us back to a true and healthy way of being and living that is available to all of us equally.
Responsibility for self is the healing path we all need to take in order to let go of hurts we have carried in bodies all our life. Universal Medicine has inspired hundreds of people to take the appropriate steps not to manage and make things ‘better’ but to heal the root cause of limiting patterns and behaviours impeding on shining our true light.
True love is that which honestly reflects how we are the creators of life through the choices we have made, this can be a hard pill to swallow but if we are open to taking responsibility for the way we care for our bodies we can connect to the universal wisdom within ourselves that supports us through challenges we might encounter in life and see them more as an opportunity for true healing.
Thank you anon, for sharing your experience, awesome you can now see the bigger picture and helped you to understand depression and your part in it.
A very beautiful and inspiring blog to read . The medicinal qualities of love and choice certainly cannot be underestimated as you have so clearly pointed out, thank you.
I was so surprised at how many colleagues or their partners or friends have depression and take medication for it. More and more people are admitting to suffering from depression at one time or another, and it seems to be on the increase. Should we not look at lifestyle choices and what we are choosing to take on in our lives, to give us some reflection of what choices we are making that are not supportive for us at all.
This article holds the key to unlocking depression and anxiety the world over.
A powerful offering in relation to responsibility for self and how our life is and how we are in it. It also highlights just how debilitating it is to give up on ourselves and life.
We are never a lost cause, we are fed the thoughts to think so and our circumstances can be hard and complex but there is always true care and love to find your way back step by step to feel the love inside yourself.
The moment we truly take responsibility for our choices and stop beating ourselves up there is support and true healing can occur.
I love the unfolding you present Anon. “…..my internal voice was still running me down, judging me, chastising me all the time. So I might have been making better choices, but I was just ‘doing’ them to make things better rather than because I really felt I was worth it.” This is applicable to so many of us – whether suffering with depression or not. Learning to appreciate – and love – myself is turning down the volume of the critical inner voice – a last!
This is very inspiring Anon, we are so much more than we give ourselves credit for. We are more than our issues and problems. We are more than our hurts and fears. Your blog is a beautiful testimony of the unfoldment of who you truly are and the power we all have to change our situation.
There is so much in life that we think is real, we are convinced that is the way it is and it will never change. A condition like depression (or many others) seems like this, and yet through changes in life it can change.
I find I need to keep check of how I am communicating with myself all the time because otherwise it is so easy to slip into a spiral of negativity and self abuse.
When we think of self care we automatically think of what we do physically to look after ourselves but I am finding that I can have a this and hot baths and put on moisturiser but if I do not address my internal dialogue as well then very little actually shifts.
Thank you anon, your story has truly shown how to return to health. With you playing your equal and just as important part with other medical and Universal practitioners working as a team.
This reminds me of a saying that makes me smile when I am in the middle of my mess.. “When I have dug a deep hole, stop digging. “
The path of depression is different for each person who has that particular illness, but what is great about your blog is how open and transparent you are, thus sharing with all a way you found that supported you.
Thankyou Anon & Brendan, I agree, for me the genuine care is more important than any knowledge shared.
I loved reading your blog, please keep writing. This line was a stand out for me “I still hadn’t committed to genuinely loving me and making that the reason for every choice I made in my day.” This is a great reminder for me to be aware of improvements, going into “have to’s”, or to simply make choices out of loving and cherishing myself.
The roles we play in keeping the drama in our lives can be very debilitating. When we choose to get real and honest in how much we have contributed and how that has held us back it becomes a life changer.
This was fantastic and inspiring to read – thankyou.
Your blog is so very raw I loved it. I have had the same tendencies to fall into depression on and off in my life. What you have shared is so similar to the dramas and to do list that I set myself up with to continually create me to be a failure, and put me in a place that I can then self bash and keep myself less. It’s a vicious cycle until responsibility is taken and transparency is embraced. This too is a work in progress for me and I appreciate your blog and transparency.
Responsibility is a hard pill to swallow when we have indulged in the comforts of drama and identified ourselves with the seeming struggle of life. Anon, I admire your courage to look yourself right in the eye and see the beauty beneath the self-created and self-admitted mess. It is this beauty that steers us out of the darkness for it shines a light divine – God’s torch. And it is the love and care of those around us that help us make the move to stop stumbling around in the dark. True love is a light that holds all others with no judgement and no sympathy but with a depth of wisdom and understanding that is truly Heaven sent.
Love is the ‘stop’ in the endless drama of life that we create when void of the presence of love. But we can never truly be void of love as we are fashioned from it. We can only choose to not connect to and express this love, and thus the seeming ‘void’ opens up, but in-truth does not even exist.
Thank you. I searched for blogs on depression today as I have been crying for hours and unable to get out of bed. Your blog reminds me that I always have a choice and I am responsible for all I am experiencing. It also reminds me to be very gentle and supportive of myself. Thank you for providing this loving support.
Coming back around to this blog once again the part that really stood out was about making choices. Do we make them because they are better than previous choices or do we make them because we feel that we deserve a higher quality. That we are worth loving and nurturing deeply so?
This to me makes a lot of sense as to why changes can be made in life but until we feel we are worth maintaining and holding ourselves in a greater quality of love and life and appreicating these choices then they can fall away again.
Awesome to be reminded that the reason why we make the choices we make is what determines the quality of our experience. Thank you Leigh.
Anon I love how you say you are understanding more the real meaning of true love, and that it is about being not judgemental of ourselves when we slip up. This is huge as we constantly repeat the cycle if we continue to use negative emotions to further pull us down. The real healing is when we know we have not acted from love is to say ‘hay ok that was not loving, what really happened there?” and then with out judgment or criticism reflect on what really went on.
It really is incredible the difference we can make to our lives through ‘bringing a simplicity to that day’s activities’ and cutting out complication or dramas. When we make every small tension, bad situation or error into a colossal issue our body really does suffer the slack through us becoming racy, erratic, stressed, emotional and so forth. As you’ve shared in your article anon even a serious, diagnosed mental health condition can be turned around by exchanging constant emotions with love and simplicity.
Go you 💕 It is not easy to ask for the truth especially when it exposes us, how we perceive ourselves and live. Being or receiving love and care for another with zero judgement is a huge part of the healing process. I have heard so many stories from people who have not received this by ‘professionals’ when they most needed it. To live in a way that is constantly and consistently loving ourselves is a responsibility towards others as well. There is no sympathy or emotion in love it just is, and in some cases can be very firm as I feel the Universal Medicine Practitioner was in this case helping you to feel and see the part you were playing in this. Negative thoughts about myself is something that has been recently highlighted to me that I do. When I heard this I felt ‘no way I love me!’ But had to laugh as I walked out the door and suddenly then felt the energy within me of the negative thoughts I had about me that had been in constant replay that I had not been fully conciously aware of. How many of us do this???? I would say quite a few! Thank you for sharing your story it is inspiring you had the courage to feel and see the part you played in the depression and how you have turned this around. So maybe all those that have been diagnosed with bi-polar there is actually something else to look at here and it can be healed?
I too applaud the fact that by working with the real issues, you were able to get to the bottom of your postnatal depression, and all the impacts it was having, rather than just bury the issues further by making the symptoms more manageable, which is a way many of us default into.
When we are lovingly supported to take responsibility it brings us back to ourselves and stop looking outside for someone or something to blame. Self-love can be a magic pill for so many of our self-inflicted woes.
Over the years I have seen many people crippled by depression. I guess some people internalise their hurts and other like me express them through anger and rage lashing out at the world. Neither is more healthy that the other. Taking responsibility is the only real medicine to heal our hurts by listening to truly connect with our inner heart and feel and understand what our body is expressing to us and build a deeply loving and nurturing relationship with ourselves.
This is such an honest and powerful story. Although I don’t suffer with depression it is one that I can relate to when it comes to being my own worst enemy in that at times I have also been stuck in the story of having a tough life blaming events and people for abusing me. When really my childhood abuse stopped decades ago it was me that chose to keep it alive with my one self-loathing and self-abusive way of life. Through the support of Universal Medicine practitioners I have learnt to love and nurture myself and let go of the hurts that drove my self-loathing behaviours.
When things start to feel overwhelming or everything is going wrong the desire is to blame others and their actions, and to find fault, in scenarios. If my life is feeling out of control, I have to stop and look at my choices and behaviour because it is my life, so I am the factor that is central to all the chaos. Rather than going into punishment and judgment there is a sense of freedom and understanding that returns.
A great sharing and a calling for true healing – or nothing truly changes. The difference between relieving the symptoms and healing the hurt that is the cause, is worlds apart.
What a great sharing, uncovering a very common and unfortunately, growing problem we have in society now. I am blown away the number of people I hear that say they are on anti-depressants or are feeling depressed lately. Your sharing explains a lot what happens to us in this state and offers a great way forward for many to ponder on and perhaps choose to seek help for, as your story clearly shows, there is another way.
What you present here is actually life-changing. Depression – and even everyday life for most people – is a never ending black tunnel, and your story shows it’s possible to not only seek support, but choose to play your part in coming back out into the light… Super inspiring.
What a very beautiful story of someone taking responsibility to heal themselves with the support of conventional medicine and Universal Medicine. Your experiences, your story are truly inspirational.
Bi-polar is a very unsettling condition as the person who experiences it can be taken from one extreme to the next with little guidance on the journey between one and the other. I have watched this close up as it happens to someone whom i deeply care about. And when they are trying to pretend that everything is ok seems to be when everything is at its worst. I have observed how being honest with just how awful and terrible it feels to be caught in the sways of exhaustion and the extremes of depression, is sometimes the only way to start to find a way out and take responsibility.
Not living the truth of who we are is a ‘very unsettling condition’ but because it’s pretty much how everyone is currently living we don’t recognise that this is what’s going on. So we’re all attempting to self-soothe en masse, using pretty much anything and everything that we can get our hands on to try and smooth over the deep discomfort that we feel about not living who, deep down, we know ourselves to be. Live who we are in truth and all of the angst disappears, not only does it disappear but it’s replaced with love, purpose and joy for everyone, literally every single one of us.
Without first taking responsibility for ourselves, our actions, our choices and where we find ourselves at there can be no true healing. A truly inspirational sharing…..thank you anon.
When I came to finally understand the link in my life between exhaustion and depression, it was like the lid had been lifted off the cage I was in and suddenly I had the power to change how I was experiencing life itself. From this point I have never looked back, although I am still learning, and do at times slip back in to an uncared-for-state of being, I always know that I have the tools to bring myself back again because I know what needs to be addressed. This approach brings with it enormous patience and understanding for myself, which I then bring to my relationships with the people in my life.
An inspiring read thank-you. This would be a great blog for wall those who suffer from this debilitating disease to read. Hats off to you for not walking out on the wonderful Universal Medicine Practitioners when they presented, with no judgement to you, the unloving choices you had made were of your own making and your willingness to begin to take loving and nurturing responsibility for yourself both physically and emotionally. And as you express this honouring of yourself has given you a deeper understanding of true love and what that encompasses.
“…And how could I profess to love my family when I treated myself so appallingly?” Allowing ourselves the grace to stop and listen to any mean voices from our mind is giving us back our power to choose whether to take them on or not. What a fantastic turnaround you have had in your life, a truly inspiring read.
Your dissection of what has been going on for you is incredibly powerful. But what’s fascinating is that it’s not just applicable in the domain of the bipolar or depressive person. What you’ve described has application and validity across the human condition. An awesome contribution – one that offers us our own driving seat back once we choose it.
This reminds me that the change comes not from just changing the physical behaviors and patterns, but that the way I think about myself needs awareness and care, too, if I want to end depression. This is great stuff. Because even if I tick all the boxes on a functioning level, I can still feel miserable in life with low self worth and you show a way to change this. Thanks.
It is beautiful to read about how you took responsibility for your life and made the changes that were necessary. This is the way we ought to approach our health and wellbeing.
When we are consumed by depression it is hard to see the full and far reaching effects of it, both for our physical bodies and the relationships that we have.
This blog is a gold mine of self-awareness and a great example of the deep, committed self-exploration required of all of us to truly assess how we sabotage our possibilities in life. Two key takeaways for me are how we settle for making life better without addressing the relationship with ourselves and that when we judge ourselves and treat ourselves badly, it then becomes easy to judge others and treat them badly.
Responsibility is a super medicine and one we can all administer ourselves.
Wow Anon, what an incredible realisation you allowed yourself to have. Your story is one that needs to be shared with the many. It’s a big responsibility to admit that one is the creator of their own demise, and one that can be very painful for most. I appreciate your sharing.
It is amazing to consider that we choose to create our own dramas and chaos, and live with them because they are familiar. Life without drama is so much simpler and life without chaos feels way more supportive.
It certainly is Brendan and stepping up to this responsibility is made a whole lot easier when we connect to and support each other to do it together.
Being held in the tenderness of true nurturing care while having someone truly listen to you without judgment can indeed ‘feel like medicine itself’ Anon.
Learning to listen to our bodies, to tune in, to understand what is actually coming from the intelligence of our inner hearts, is the start of a truly loving relationship with ourselves within which lies true healing.
Yes and as we begin to trust our bodies more, the more they are willing to share with us. Staying open and aware to the significance of this can truly support us back to true health. As you say, it is in this truly loving relationship (that we build) with ourselves that we find true healing.
However resistant we are, responsibility surely has to be the first step in true healing for without it we are powerless.
Powerless indeed Richard because responsibility is literally the fuel in the engine of choice. Becoming responsible for our choices is the key, breaking everything down to choices and consciously choosing our way out of the fog that we’ve chosen our way into.
Thank you for your candour in sharing your experiences here Anon. You have reflected back to me a deeply critical aspect of myself that I feel has been with me for a long time and in doing so perpetuated the healing for me and no doubt for others too. How truly loving this is.
Depression is such a debilitating disease and very much on the increase. It is great to hear how the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine therapies supported you Anon to deal with your depression rather than just manage the symptoms.
Is it possible that many of the therapists and staff in hospitals suffer depression on some level themselves and that this is the reason why they can only offer managing the symptoms rather than really dealing with the illness? If we would leave out caffeine, sugar, alcohol and entertainment – the truth of our real state of health would be seen more clearly.
What an honest and thought provoking blog – thank you Anon. It is clear that you have been on a steep learning curve and it is inspirational the way you have managed to push aside your pride and allowed yourself to be open to other explanations for your mental health. I’m sure that if those around you were asked, they would report a massive difference in how you are with yourself and others now compared to years previously. Your experiences demonstrate just how powerful we are in taking a leading role in our own healing.
Awesome blog Anon, your shared lived experience is deeply appreciated. There is much wisdom in what you present and what you have learnt through choosing self love. To me this is extremely inspiring and makes me realise how much power we have to turn things around.
Anon, I love your frank, honesty of your experiences. You show that love and care is the best medicine of all and that it is so worth administering daily! Thank you for sharing.
An extraordinary sharing Anon – thank you.
It’s great how you’ve extracted the key ingredients – genuine care, love and concern for symptoms, authentically applied, but without any sympathy – that have supported you to work your way through and out of depression. That’s a powerful sharing for anyone in the medical and complementary profession. It’s also a reflection for each of us of the qualities required of ourselves in our own healing too, along with the master ingredient – the will to change. Only then do you have the makings of a great recovery team.
In the UK, the Royal College of Psychiatrists claims that one in five people experience depression at some point in their lives. I have certainly been a one in the five. Which makes me consider deeply the responsibility I had to the other four people in my group of five, and how I was showing them that it is ok, fine and acceptable to not take responsibility. There is no judgement here just the fats of how interconnected we all are and by this we can help each other, leading the way at times if needed, to realise the strength and fortitude that comes with committing to a more loving and purposeful way of life.
Thank you for sharing your experience with depression and bi-polar and the steps you took to heal yourself. The power of love to truly heal any ill condition in the body is a beautiful reminder Anon and shows us what is possible when we chose to deeply love and nurture ourselves.
Your article touched the hurt I apparently still feel for not being able to help my close friend who has taken her own life. Just about a month before I started SEH1 she decided she could no longer live in fear. I always felt there was a way out for her and although I know that to help someone they truly have to want to help themselves first but still I feel very sad I wasn’t able to keep her here.
Rah–rah for you Anon! What you have accomplished is amazing and totally inspiring to people who have been there and were no longer able to see a way out of their ordeal.
I really enjoyed reading your blog on depression Anon – “So I might have been making better choices, but I was just ‘doing’ them to make things better rather than because I really felt I was worth it.” It’s inspirational to hear about your process of healing yourself out of depression Anon, you have brought a lot of understanding to this mental illness thank you.
This blog gives such an insight into depression and how with love and truth, we can truly support people who are suffering from a depression. Thank you Anon, this helps a lot and gives a true understanding in what people with a depression need.
You mentioned the ‘love and care’ that you experienced, calling it “the vital ingredient which was missing”. I feel something so important is highlighted here, we can go through the official processes concerning care and support and medical, talking therapies concerning our mental health issues, but without a truth of love and care within in it, sensitive, aware individuals do not trust the system and so the healing is slow if possible at all. True love and care are vital ingredients of any true healing support and can offer absolute change.
Thank you Anon for sharing your journey with depression. Having suffered from anxiety and depression I can relate to much of what you share. You are right about the fact that we need to look carefully at our own part in the whole problem and that ” tough love” is sometimes the only way for us to see this and therefore make the changes needed.
Wow what a sharing this is so precious. Inspired by your honesty and responsability to lay the path for true healing. With love Nadine
It is a privilege to read your deeply moving story Anon, thank you so much for sharing so honestly. I can relate to trying to make better choices but not from a place of feeling I was worth it and the transformational power of feeling others really loved and cared enough to present to me the part I had been playing in my own drama – not easy to acknowledge but the turnaround point to looking at my deep levels of exhaustion and low self worth and making different choices.
Well done Anon, you show many people who are unwell, the way to step out of the cycle of ill health. Consistency in self care and self love are very much as medicinal as conventional medicines.
Well done Anon on turning your life around by taking responsibility and by seeking true healing in the way of sourcing practitioners who have the ability to get to the root cause of issues. Its remarkable the power of love and truth
The honest account that you present here Anon is an undeniable testimonial to the powerful combination of conventional medicine, Esoteric Medicine and the commitment from you, to make the changes to the behaviours in your life that you slowly identified were behind so much of what you had been experiencing for many years. To acknowledge how you had been sabotaging your life and to have the courage to look at the possibility that you had been responsible for the mess that you found yourself in was certainly a life changing moment. As you describe the loving and unconditional support you received from the Universal Medicine practitioners I could feel the unwavering foundation that they were offering you to become more aware of how you were living and the strength to make the changes that were necessary to initiate the healing that you had been seeking for so long.
Of key importance here is the fact that only when we are “ready” will true change come about it’s not up to anyone one else to make those decisions for you
Thank you for sharing this so openly and honestly Anon, I really appreciate it. I came to understand with the depression I was experiencing that it was as a result of pushing myself too hard to the point of exhaustion and discovered through being forced to rest and allowing whatever it was that was wanting to present itself to me to arise that the negative thoughts began to disappear. So what I am saying is that for me fatigue = depression. Many will benefit from the level of detail which you’ve been prepared to disclose and to understand that to arise ourselves out of these situations requires honesty and self-responsibility as well as a more self-loving way of being.
Anon what you are sharing is groundbreaking. Normally, as you also describe, one gets diagnosed with a certain condition, i.e. depression and everything thereafter is designed to make you feel better or simply cope with your condition. What you show is that there is ‘a way out’, that we are not this condition and that with honesty and by learning to be responsible for all our actions, always with the focus on being as loving as possible with ourselves, we can come out of the hole that we have dug ourselves.
Truly stopping to consider our part in our lives, and being open and honest to how we have been responsible to contribute to life playing out as it has, is the only way to allow the awareness, and it is from there the journey back begins.. and the journey is much lighter and more freeing and joyful than all the darkness we otherwise choose to continue in.
Anon, your honesty and sharing the details of your experience is inspiring. Not an easy road to take, but I can feel from your blog how amazing it has been and how your awareness has expanded. It is so easy to be stuck in cycles and patterns that play out causing us to be depressed and exhausted and yet we are unable to see them to be able to make the change. There is a lot here that I need to feel for myself, you may have unlocked some answers for me too. Thank you for sharing.
Anon this is an incredible sharing as so many people in the world are struggling with depression. I used to be one of those people. Your choice to take responsibility to not only support yourself but to be willing to get to the bottom of what was going on for you offers people an inspiration of a true way forward. My deepest appreciation for sharing this with the world.
Anon your story needs to go public as so many people would benefit from it. Not just the people with depression but their loved one’s as well. Thank you for sharing your personal journey through life.
Rereading this blog I have once again realised how important the words are that Anon has shared in understanding depression and the powerful responsibility that lies behind the choices we make.
An awesome sharing Anon, and the level of awareness you were prepared to go to to understand how you had created your situation and responsibility you took for it is wonderful. It is amazing how those seemingly painful admissions are actually not that painful once admitted, and instead are truly self-empowering. They clear the path for a true way forward, as now there is clearly a choice you can make, whereas before the heaviness of the fog allowed no clarity or understanding to make such a choice. The most important thing in all of this is that you were held in love and no judgement by the Universal Medicine practitioners, to allow you the space to come to your own understanding, and also to know that you need not judge or criticise yourself, but rather hold yourself in that same love.
I’ve had the experience too with Universal Medicine practitioners of them being able to call me to account for my part in any situation but with zero judgment and a lot of love. Its inspiring to be engaged with in this way and truly helpful.
‘ I became open to looking at the possibility being presented to me that maybe I was setting up choices in my life to lead to events that would bring on the symptoms.’ This is gold – honest and raw opening the possibility for others to explore that we are responsible for the outcomes in our lives, that we are not victims of life, but creators of it.
I found reading your story very insightful, a very real account of someone’s experience with depression and feel inspired by your choice to be responsible and truly heal.
What an inspiring story Anon especially the sentence ‘I was just ‘doing’ them to make things better rather than because I really felt I was worth it’. I too can get into the ‘doing better’ instead of feeling my own worth and appreciate it.
What a Gorgeous blog Nina. I personally Love what you’ve shared about the two sides of the depression: the exhaustion and the selfworth. When reading this paragraph this rang a bell. Yes, nowadays the choices that I make are very very caring. But truly Loving myself is something that I’m only recently exploring. I see more and more how much blame and walls I’ve put up to not have to feel the choices that I made. Where really, only when I feel I can be appreciative about myself and can feel where I’ve not chosen Love. Your blog made me very aware of the distinction. Thank you Nina.
And I also agree that this is a Great blog in relation to the amount of people that are diagnosed with depression. This is so inspiring, because it is very real, very raw. Your life and the choices should be studied.
Living in a time where more than 350 million people world wide are suffering from depression (WHO), including more and more teenagers, stories like yours Anon are so valuable. It is truly amazing what you have accomplished, thank you for sharing. It has been true all along: love is all we need. We just didn´t realise that it is our own love that does all the healing.
Well done Anon,great work for persevering, although you had great help in the form of your loving GP and Universal Medicine practitioners, at the end of the day it was you who had to do all the hard work and come back from such a hellish time.
Anon, it was very humbling to read your very raw article on depression. It takes a lot of courage to share with such honesty and love something that has been so debilitating for you for much of your life. You are a testament to yourself, in all that you’ve achieved through persistently seeking help and support, deeply considering all that was shared with you and choosing to lovingly nurture yourself back so you can now feel the beautiful woman that you are. It’s very easy to under value the incredible power of love, particularly when given tenderly to our selves.
‘It’s very easy to under value the incredible power of love, particularly when given tenderly to our selves.’ Quite true Alison, it seems that it is what we do best! But we can unpick and change this way of being, with each loving step at a time.
Learning to live from our hearts and not our minds, with all that this means and entails, is the path of return for us all, a path of true liberation to clarity and energetic freedom.
Wow what an insight into what is a hard place to be in. Anon you allowed support from your Drs and Universal Medicine Practitioners, and with your determination and will, you were able to bring yourself back to you, and its not easy facing the patterns and choices when your well, let alone not well. An amazing and honest blog.
‘I had been running two lives: a physically exhausting one, and another in my head running non-stop commentaries on how useless I was’. No wonder you were so exhausted Anon.
It also makes sense to me that the cycle of exhaustion feeds the cycle of giving up and therefore, the cycle of mental illness. So exhaustion must also be addressed alongside pharmaceutical treatment and supportive therapy to lay the foundations for true healing.
Anon I can remember I always set myself up for disappointment so I could feed the poor me emotion and get sympathy from my family. It was also drama in my life which gave me something to talk/complain about with my family. I was also using it as recognition as some family members now had something to talk about with their friends. Now that I no longer choose to self sabotage in this way my relationship with my family has changed for the better but I still have a belief which I just became aware of that I’m now boring as I have no drama so my family members have no drama stories that they can tell their friends. I’m still needing recognition. Something to ponder on.
Thank you Anon for honestly sharing a deeper insight into bipolar depression. This article would definitely benefit others who are caught in the victimhood of their illness and are unaware that there is another way of living, to be inspired to take responsibility for their lifestyle choices, and learn about the power of self love and self care.
Anon this is a great testimony of a person having suffered depression for so many years and fully assumed responsibility for it. This should be in a Psychologist magazine and read by people who suffer through life defined by their depression. Also it is so important for family members to know about how to deal with depression and that it is really about calling peoples responsibility through a loving and caring approach on the simple daily tasks. I have come to realise that when people suffer from depression it can make the people around them feel powerless and at the same time angry, because those suffering depression can unwittingly control everything with their moods. Seeing depressed people as victims is so wrong, this really creates a vicious cycle of resentment and feeling unable to help them. Thank you for this great insight into depression.
Thank you Anon for such an insightful look at depression. I love the point that you are making here about the medicinal power of love and care. We can take whatever drug we want or have whatever treatment we want but if we do not bring love and care to ourselves then the real healing cannot occur.
Medcine can be like a bandaid, it can help heal things on the surface. To truly heal you need to heal from the inside first and the medicine for this is honesty, truth and self love.
Anon it is truly inspirational how you have turned your life around from being a victim to your circumstances and illnesses to taking responsibility for your choices and your life. It takes an enormous amount of courage and commitment to be able to feel how past choices have impacted on our health and well being and that of our families and then to decide to truly heal.
Yes and this is what I am realising it takes, taking responsibility for our choices, being willing and open to look at them which then exposes the untruth of being a ‘victim’.
That’s the key to true medicine Michelle, being willing and open, to then be able to be responsible for your actions and choices in your life.
While I have no experience of mental illness my self, so much of what you say makes sense… in particular how debilitating our self judgement is. We can be totally subsumed by the tyrant within, and if we don’t share that self judgement with anyone else then it all happens ‘behind the curtains’. Its love that helps to let others in – yours to make the choice for a more loving relationship, and the practitioners to see you for all that you are and not let you accept less.
‘We can be totally subsumed by the tyrant within, and if we don’t share that self judgement with anyone else then it all happens ‘behind the curtains’.’ I really loved what you said here Simon about the ‘tyrant within’ whom I know quite well!
‘The practitioners see you for all that you are and not let you accept less’. This is the way Universal Medicine practitioners are trained. Their gentle approach and deep understanding, allows the client the space to drop the pretence, the defences, and supports total honesty. I know, because I’ve tried evasion with them, and then found myself talking about the REAL issue. Amazing.
Anon your story is so heart warming to hear. The transition from being diagnosed with bi-polar to living a life now with such vitality and commitment to your work and family is a true marker of how we can change our lives around by stopping for a moment and starting to realise what potential we all have to bring.
Anon this is such an open and honest account of what it is like to have depression and how you have with the loving support of Universal Medicine been able to turn your life around. I find this sentence very revealing and something I could very much relate to “I had been running two lives: a physically exhausting one, and another in my head running non-stop commentaries on how useless I was. So although I was changing the physically exhausting part of my life, the low self-worth part was still running the show: I still hadn’t committed to genuinely loving me and making that the reason for every choice I made in my day.” This is an important aspect that we don’t always realise that we are doing to ourselves and how draining this can be. Just making a simple choice to be more loving with ourselves, can make a huge difference to how we feel about ourselves.
Thank you for sharing your story with so much honestly and frankness. It still shocks me how much I can create my own issues by allowing unloving thoughts to takeover. From awareness I have made huge in roads into not feeding these destructive patterns which is with thanks to the loving support of practititioners like the ones you mention I your blog.
Anon it takes a lot of love to present to someone cloaked in depression, that you were in fact “stuck in the story of how my life was extremely tough, blaming events and people – and I wanted to stay there”. The relief from staying there in the depression was preferable to taking that responsibility for what was happening in life and face what was really being asked of you. It was a life-changing opportunity your esoteric practitioner presented to you by pointing this out, and wonderful you didn’t run a mile from taking a look at this. A real inspiration for anyone feeling helpless about their situation.
Thank you Anon for sharing your deeply honest account of depression.Your insights and honesty have opened up a much needed conversation on the subject that is never broached. Very inspiring.
Anon, I am inspired my your willingness to address your life choices and openness to share this with others. Although depression is not my issue, there are many things you have written about that I feel to re-address, like overwhelming myself with a ‘to-do’ list and making sure that all my choices are made ‘because I am worth it’. Thank you.
Yes I too can feel how supportive it is to re-address whether I am ‘overwhelming myself with a ‘to-do’ list and making sure that all my choices are made ‘because I am worth it’.
Its sad how tough we are on ourselves and trying to deal with the outside pressures of daily life. Running ourselves into the ground. I look around and see may 30-40 year olds an absolute wreck. Their bodies calling out to stop the madness they call life.
With being honest as you have done you begin the walk back to health. True health and vitality in the body.
Anon what an amazing turnaround you have made in your life. The choice to take responsibility in your life and begin to truly heal your depression and bi-polar is very inspiring. The healing power of true love is beautifully described in your blog and is supportive for many others struggling with similar conditions.
Thank you Anon for sharing your vast and amazing experience with depression and Bi-Polar, and the courageous journey you took back to love.
I feel this blog is an immense support for others facing similar situations in their lives.
A couple of things really resonate with me in your blog Anon. The concept that depression is from exhaustion, which I wholeheartedly agree with, as well as some practitioners not being able to be supportive because of their timetable, scheduling, tasks and duties, their ‘must do’s’ within their roles. It is awesome to expose how much this does not have to be the way of all health practitioners and it is awesome that you’re able to highlight the true nature of depression and truly get support and heal on a very super deep level. Universal Medicine is a POWERFUL business and their healing modalities are incredible, let alone the practitioners that are working under the Universal Medicine umbrella.
Thank you Anon for sharing your story with such honesty. Being willing to break through the tough times, and take responsibility for your choices while accepting the loving care offered to you by the Medical team and the Universal Medicine sessions. Your story will be an inspiration to others who are struggling with similar debilitating conditions. You have found the key of self love and its amazing healing power.
This is a very powerful blog,
We can either choose to be debilitated by the draining illness that in effect keeps us trapped, or we can choose to start making choices that are going support us in going forward with our life and coming back to love.
No matter how far gone you may feel, you always have to choice to come back.
So true Thomas I love what you say here “No matter how far gone you may feel, you always have the choice to come back.”
The energy of this depressive and eruptive condition is deeply familiar to me, giving up on myself and life and allowing an energy that is not me to run the show. I am starting to understand this more and feel it in my body. Thank you for your sharing and exposing your story Anon so others may understand this dis-ease.
Awesome honest sharing Anon, a living miracle of how you turned your life around from such a debilitating illness – bipolar and depression – to embracing life where self love, self nurturing, self responsibility is the key.
The way we live has a direct effect on our life and well being. Everything we do has a consequence on the body. We can either build a body of love or we can drain every last ounce of life from it and the results stare us straight back in the face. There is no escaping our choices. Thank you for sharing your incredible story.
‘There is no escaping our choices.’
Well said Matthew, a simple yet extremely profound truth that calls for great responsibility.
Today I felt depression creeping in and the negative self-debasing thoughts .. just as you described. It was a strange experience and disconcerting in it’s strangeness. I had to frequently check in with myself to make try to understand what was happening. Then I realised that I was trying to ‘choose’ depression as a tool to help me cope with things I did not really want to face and take responsibility for in my life. Anon your blog has re-sparked my intention “… to make love the reason behind every choice in my day”. This truly is the antidote and the antithesis to me ‘choosing’ depression.
Anon thank you for relating your journey through this debilitating condition and your discovery that love can cure anything. You are now ready to step with all your brightness onto the stage of life.
“I had turned up for my session and presented my symptoms to them with little will to get on top of them… I was stuck in the story of how my life was extremely tough, blaming events and people – and I wanted to stay there…” To recognize and honestly admit this as true is the greatest gift of acceptance and love towards oneself. Awesome step Anon!,
Thank you Anon this is a deeply personal insight to your journey and exposes some of the tricky issues related to mental health and the choice to truly heal or stay on the rollercoaster of making things better – something I can definitely relate to even though I don’t have depression or bi-polar, as I am sure many other can to.
What an amazing transformation Anon. It shows what is possible when we choose to reconnect to our loving essence and take responsibility for the choices we are making. Thank you.
Anon what a beautifully honest piece of self-reflective writing that shows the power and agency to make true change is always with true love.
Connecting with you and accepting that you are an amazing, beautiful and loving woman is the biggest thing because once this is realised and accepted then all of the self sabotaging behaviours and total living in disregard has to be looked at. We are the choices we make. The love available to each of us is unlimited – coming first from within and then in the support and care of others be it health professionals, family, friends. An honest blog about choosing to accept and appreciate what is within and making life about that first.
Anon what an awesome blog and how great to share your story. So many people will be able to benefit and be inspired from what you share and your lived experience.
I once thought I was a victim of my circumstances too but in truth we are the ones who create all the bigger and smaller messes in our lives. When we get to see this and have the loving support to look at what we have created openly and honesty we can build our way back to living the love that we are.
Anon thank you for your courageously honest and powerful article. Yes, the healing power of love is immense, so simple and there for us all. Taking responsibility for our own healing is the key to initiating our own self-love.
Great sharing on the healing power of love and how simple it is for us all to reconnect to it it is just a choice that is available for all. Thank you Anon
Isn’t it time that we as a society opened up to a deeper understanding of medicine and a new understanding of “the medicinal qualities of love & choice”.
The way we live absolutely affects our health, we all know this but sometimes it is perceived as an inconvenient truth. This article shows the enormous difference it makes to our health and wellbeing when we start to take responsibility for the way that we are living and the choices that we make.
Universal Medicine is leading the way with showing how love and choice are in fact medicinal qualities.
Wow Anon, thank you for this super powerful article. You have offered so much wisdom through your lived, and living experience that I almost don’t know where to begin. What I felt was truly inspiring was your honesty and courage to take responsibility as you shared here – ‘I can tell you, it was pretty painful to even contemplate for one second the possibility that I could be responsible for creating all the pain I’d been through, and had put my family through.’ As it is not easy to overcome the controlling patterns of behaviours that we have allowed to develop and define us over the years. But with choosing love and loving support, as you have powerfully reflected, is more than possible to empower ourselves to break free and return to the love we are. And as you have beautifully stated – ‘the meaning of true love and what that encompasses: it is true love to gently, without judgement, lovingly help people when they are ready to begin to entertain the possibility that we are responsible for our choices and the events that happen in our lives: it is true love to present the ‘tough’ stuff – to bring people back to who they really are so they, in turn, can help others return back to who they really are.’ – of which you are living proof.
‘This. . . is not a rah–rah for Universal Medicine; this is a rah–rah for the growing awareness of the healing power of love, which is at the core of what UniMed endorses . . . this is a rah–rah to the medicinal qualities of love and care’. Thank you Anon for reminding us of the power of love and of what it can bring when we allow it in our life.
Anon, you’ve really shone a light on depression here, it’s so inspiring to read. I had an experience with anti-depressants 20 years ago when I was not coping, wasn’t sleeping, felt totally overwhelmed and really out of control. My GP was wonderful and made it clear that the anti-depressants were for short-term use only while I looked at and dealt with the cause – to give me some space. It was such a wake up call – how did my life get to this? I did clean up my act to a point, and only stayed on the anti-depressants for a few months, but I didn’t heal the underlying cause, and so I had bouts of exhaustion/depression on and off for years – not serious, and not medicated, but still debilitating and far, far from being a joyful life.
It was when I came to Universal Medicine that I started to get honest about how I was living, how I blamed my parents for all my troubles, looked for life to give something to me, craved affection from others, etc. With the loving support of Universal Medicine practitioners and my own commitment to healing and taking responsibility, my life is a million miles away from where it was 20 years ago…thanks to Serge Benhayon for leading the way with love.
“I can tell you, it was pretty painful to even contemplate for one second the possibility that I could be responsible for creating all the pain I’d been through, and had put my family through”. What you have come to see and to know about yourself is very profound. If society as a whole took this level of responsibility then we would have a very different health system and world. Your ability to face the truth is very inspiring.
Anon what you have experienced and shared has the ability to bring never before seen understanding to mental illness. I have worked in mental health and also had an anxiety disorder myself and so know first hand the beliefs that are deeply held within the field. You are living proof that our health really is in our own hands, regardless of the current view that is held so doggedly in mental health. You are a voice of true transformation.
As you say Alexis, this view of mental health is counter to the underlying assumption that it is something that happens to you and in a large part a result of the chemical cocktail. The blog is a game changer – showing what an impact our own choices have in much the same way epigenetics is turning the conventional wisdom on ‘inherited’ diseases on its head.
Hi Anon, I’m back to read again and boy, does this blog deliver! Today I was very interested in what you discovered about setting yourself up with choices that would ultimately lead you to feel exhausted and give up. Nothing smothers the true expression of the self like exhaustion. I’m currently undertaking a course on exhaustion with the College of Universal Medicine. What I feel exhaustion is for me is a physical version of beating the self up, most likely driven by a belief such as “not feeling good enough”. I have learned so much from your writing again today and will be back again to study this blog again soon. Thank you.
Incredible sharing of what was really going on underneath the symptom of depression and bi-polar. Thank you for sharing.
“They asked me to contemplate if it could be possible that exhaustion was playing a part in my depression and, more so, was I maybe making choices in my life to create the drama, thereby providing myself with the exhaustion and chaos – which in turn gave me the excuse to go into overwhelm and give up?”
Wow, what a powerful thing to deliver to a client from a practitioner, the power of love as you say.
This is an amazing blog Anon, and not only demonstrates the healing power love, but also how damaging a negative self worth can be on ones health. Thank you.
Fantastic blog. For many of us, myself included, to become aware of the damage a critical self view does to ourselves is absolutely key to turn it around and start to love and cherish ourselves.
Yes Oliver without the awareness we stay trudging through the thick mud, it is only when we see the ill of our ways that we can effect true healing.
The truth of the matter is that we are the consciousness of God and therefore if we don’t feel this then anything else is made up, it has to be because the truth is the truth and can’t ever be corrupted.
Anon what a beautiful and honest account of your return to love and therefore yourself.
Thank You Anon for a very open and truth-full blog. I can totally relate to what you have written and I don’t think I could have navigated my way through the ups and downs of depression without the loving support and guidence of Universal Medicine practitioners.
This is an amazing story to share to show how far you have come with the love and care you have been supported with and that you have shown yourself. Taking responsibility and genuinely loving you and making that the reason for every choice in the day is a beautifully powerful and inspiring foundation from which to transform your life like you have.
Understanding more and more the meaning of true love. We continue to deepen our understanding through continuing to choose what it is we need to develop and become more and more the love that we are. This can sometimes be an uncomfortable process. Thank you anon for your invaluable expression.
The healing power of love, so true. Or like the Beatles used to sing; “all we need is love”.
I would like to read this several times. To feel the solidity of you, underneath whatever was going on for you with your depression – and how this was unassailably ‘there’, for you to return to this solidity when you were ready to choose it so. This is truly powerful, and that you were met with such love (the non-pandering, yet deeply and truly supportive kind) is awesome beyond words. We all deserve such support, and it is here, for us all to return to the unassailable strength that is within every one of us.
Thank-you deeply for this candid and deeply wise sharing.
This personal sharing is a testament to the fact that we are in truth our own healers as you have shared so beautifully.
Well said Victoria; any true healing has to come from us. Nobody else can do it for us. Yes, there is awesome Esoteric Modalities and Esoteric Modalities Therapists, who can hugely support along the way. Thank God for Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, I say! : )
So simply said Victoria and Esther. My experience of true healing is when I can see and feel that issues and behaviours I’ve been carrying have dropped away, and it has come from me being willing to see and feel what is needed, and then seeking the most appropriate esoteric healing practitioner, and medical practitioner where needed, to support me.
Thats a powerful point of truth Victoria, we are our own healers. No matter what or who we use or see, in the end it is our willingness to choose the healing on offer that creates the change to happen.
Thank you for your open and honest sharing anon. Realising we always have a choice is huge. Your transformation is very inspiring because of your willingness to bring a loving responsibility to yourself and your life. I am sure many will relate to this blog.
Thanks for sharing your story anon. Your account is a great reflection that it is up to us to choose healing, to let go of wanting someone or something outside of ourselves to fix us, to see that there is another way where we take self-responsibility for how we feel and begin to make self-loving choices to support us in this different way of living.
To understand that love is not a flowers and chocolate comfort thing but a strong and constant, powerful healer is such a blessing and an amazing strength in our lives. Your story of rediscovering your commitment to life is inspiring and empowering anon.
So often we feel we must do something to get a result or to progress in our lives yet you prove that listening, being love, began the amazing healing that you have unfolded.
Thank you so much for sharing your incredibly honest story with us. It is a story that I can relate to in many ways. We have been brought up to try to make things better, to fix what is wrong in our lives, but given very few tools to do so. I have learned that making it better, doesn’t make whatever “it” is, go away, but just parks it somewhere waiting for the next time. It was not until, like you, I had the realisation that: “I was only committing to making my life better, but not actually addressing the relationship I had with myself”, that things really began to change, and not just for the better – it was a total turnaround in the way I was living and the quality of well-being that I was living with. I finally realised that my life was my responsibility, and that every choice I had made in the past had lead me to the place that I currently found myself. But now I finally understood, that in every moment I had the opportunity to make a different choice. No more making anything better, just taking responsibility and making the next choice a loving one, Every day of my life I appreciate the wisdom and the tools that have been offered to me by Serge Benhayon in the course of his presentations, as well as the loving support of many Universal Medicine practitioners.
Your blog here is priceless. Every little detail is something to be seen understood and relate to. The gradual process of making yourself aware of how you were setting up choices in your life which would lead to events that would bring on the symptoms. With the help of practitioners you can see the problem and address it head on. You have summed it up beautifully when you wrote: “Now that I’ve allowed myself to feel my brutally low opinion of myself, I can see past that part and see the real me – this beautiful woman who is just busting to be given permission to come out into the world.” I have learned a lot from this article and I feel others will too. Rah Rah for the medicinal qualities of love and care.
Choosing to reconnect to our bodies and to allow to feel the disregard that we have lived with in the past is not an easy task however, it creates more space within ourselves to replace the hurts and exhaustion from living from the head with true love, harmony and joy.
So underestimated, the medicinal qualities of love and care. So often I have witnessed as a health professional my clients feeling immediately better just because I have truly listened to them without judgement, even if I cannot cure their physical ailment.
Yes I have observed this with clients, it is simply the love and care they feel that affords the healing. To be fully listened to by another person with no judgement is something unique for many,it gives them permission to deeply surrender and express stuff that may have been bothering them for ages that until this moment they could not trust another with. This often is a big healing.
Without judgement, without wanting to fix, without positioning ourselves higher but with presence and from the love and understanding that we are all the same but merely coming from a different place.
A beautiful sharing anon of your transformation. A true inspiration, thank you for your honesty.
Thank you for sharing your story anon. That relentless ‘voice’ is what we all need to master silencing and replacing with a voice that is tender and lovingly understanding towards ourselves and others. The more every one of us does this, the more we will inspire this to be normal, the way we bring up our children and the way we are with each other.
Simple and very true Katerina, there is an enormous surrendering I feel to add here as when you have lived with a ‘voice’ such as this for a very long time it can show how much self battering we have lived with each and everyday. Something I find can be common when observing others.
We dare not say that depression and mental health issues is a matter of irresponsibility. It sounds harsh, but it is also true. We create all that we live with and we have the choice to change it or drown in it. Thank you anon. What you have shared is a testament to the responsibility you were willing to take.
Thats very true Vicky it is the unsaid that needs to be lovingly outed as Anon has done so with great integrity, respect and understanding of what is at play underneath the symptoms.
I agree Vicky and Vanessa and as Anon has said this is what true love chooses to do. To lovingly expose the choices we are making.
An important point Vicky and yes something we do not dare say out loud, however unless we do we will never over come the enormous worldwide issue. For many still it is unfathomable that this could possible be true, yet with the teaching of Universal Medicine we can see that each and everyone of us have the opportunity to change the way that our life is depending on how honest about it we are prepared to be.
True Vicky! Taking responsibility for our choices is an important factor in healing any illness or disease and indeed, in ensuring we are supporting our overall health and well being. It is in this taking of true responsibility, and in conjunction with having the support of appropriate medical practitioners and service providers, that the opportunity for true and lasting health and well being can be offered and experienced.
Yes Vicky, this blog is real about depression and the truth of our choices, it is a very cathartic read.
And a reminder of the responsibility we have to stay trapped in this frame of being or make choices to look at change.
It takes courage to say this, and not be the victim of an ‘illness’ but really take responsibility. A drug treatment on its own will never be the whole answer as there can be no change to the choice that is creating that behaviour. Anon you have presented beautifully your own courage, and that of the practitioners you have seen, to ask the difficult questions, challenge the ‘set up’ and make heal the underlying causes of your depression.
agree and this is where our current mainstream medical system falls short. Drug treatment, although very needed, is only a step in the right direction. We need the courage to also seek the root of the issue that we have tried to cover up for so many years.
So true Vicky a lot of people sympathise with people with depression and mental illness, which does not truly support them at all. I know this from my own experience of having depression. I indulged in it so as to not have to take responsibility for my life and I loved when people felt sorry for me as this validated my depression which fed my indulgence.
‘I loved when people felt sorry for me as this validated my depression which fed my indulgence.’ When we are down we are begging for sympathy to confirm our suffering which gives us a reason to be depressed and a right to stay there and avoid taking responsibility for our lifes which is only a choice away.
I can relate to what you’ve all shared here and it’s true about mental illness still being seen as something deep in victimhood that ‘just happens to us’. Being met with the love that says ‘you created this’ completely shakes up that mentality that wants to play the small and helpless but it is so needed because without it we can just sink deeper and deeper. Where as if we know we created the situation we have the choice to not keep feeding it.
Wow anon, how far you have come and thank you for this very honest and real sharing. You have shared the depths of your misery and your journey to where you are now in a very truthful way. This blog is a blessing for anyone who reads it but especially those who have experienced similar.
I feel the majority of people out there in the world would greatly benefit from reading this blog – a very honest and true account of self-love and care – even without depression I can feel elements of myself scattered throughout your experiences anon.
I am beginning to make more self-loving choices but am still allowing my self to be ‘run down’ by slamming thoughts of self-loathing and judgement, which in turn, is how I treat others at times. That pain is self-created and very unsupportive. I am so very ready to truly love me and be able to share that with the world.
It is beautiful that we have the opportunity to see Serge Benhayon or another Universal Medicine practitioner and experience true love, because to be loved in this way allows us to explore why we are not choosing to love ourselves in this same way. I have found it hard to even let this immense love in during sessions and have had to look at the low self worth story that gets in the way of me feeling that I deserve to be truly loved in this way. Slowly this is turning around and I am very appreciative of having been given an example of how to treat myself with the utmost care and consideration. The more I allow myself to treat me this way, the more I can allow what Serge Benhayon and the other Universal Medicine practitioners present of love, in. And the more I realise I am this Love and accept this, the more I can allow others to truly love me.
Yes I can imagine it would have been a hard pill to swallow that you created your own misery but very inspiring that you did. I can totally relate – that I am responsible for my choices and that I indeed at times create the mess I later explain about being in… Even though it is a hard pill to swallow I found that with love and understanding it is way more easy to do and it is so empowering to. It means I and all of us, can make choices to have an amazing life. Thank you for sharing, so refreshing to read.
You have really opened your heart and let us all in. Well done, a great blog. Committing to self love in connection and nurturing is without doubt part of the journey to returning to feeling vital. The greater the self love, the greater the levels of vitality are felt, it has to be experienced to be believed. What the body wants to express is truly magnificent given the chance.
I agree our bodies and what it wants to express are magnificent. It is beautiful how lovingly we can in-truth turn any situation around because of the blessing of the love we are from.
For me…. what is truly going on in this world….. that we as a humanity create all this chaos and overwhelm in life? Which as you said generates circumstances and situations that make life so hard. Instead of being the beautiful loving person we were born to be and are naturally. Why do we make it all so difficult? Something for everyone to ponder on….
Wow… I loved it. What a path you have gone through anon. Thank you so much, for writing your personal story. Sometimes what we don’t want to face, hear or feel, is exactly what we need to here and face and feel to truly heal. You did face it and let yourself finally feel what was there… by making those choices you can now feel the truth of why you had depression…. which finally led you back to the real you. As you said ” The beautiful woman who is just bursting to be given permission to come out to the world.”
I have witnessed depression first hand and could see the impact of the choices being made minute by minute that were not in any way supporting. From the choice to eat sugar loaded food, to taking to bed during the day and then not being able to sleep at night, inactivity and extensive self analyst and basically not able to see any other options. Your blog anon is a great example of a return to Self Love and commitment to life.
Great to read anon how you turned your life around and committing to honesty and love. And just like Rosie I would love to have an update from you. What you share is so inspiring for anyone but especially for all those who know depression and bi polar from own experience or with family/friends.
Hi anon what an amazing story you are sharing here!!! And how you can break it down to your own relationship to yourself- it is definetely the answer to all the problems on the outside and seemingly inside.
It’s quite incredible the love that can be found in what sounds like the harshest words. Before Universal Medicine any therapy I attended would always sweet coat the diagnosis when what we really need to heal our ill behaviours is the hard truth. That is what I find so refreshing if sometimes a little bracing about seeing a Universal Medicine practitioner, because what I hear might be hard to hear, but I also know if I truly apply what I am given in my daily life then the issue can be resolved and moved on from.
True love is such a powerful medicine, as is facing the truth. Very revealing story anon, and very courageous to choose the way of self responsability. This should indeed be discussed in the world, as many suffer from these symptoms.
Thank you anon, You have truly supported me. I have also experienced symptoms of depression/given up energy in my life, but also realised that I was the creator of this…continually making things hard for myself. Thank you for sharing so honestly how the “doing” and ‘making better choices’ didn’t work completely until you “committed to genuinely loving me and making that the reason for every choice I made in my day.”
What great courage you have shown anon, to start on the difficult road back to health by being prepared to look at how you set up your day to fail, and also to become aware of the self-sabotaging thoughts. How your family must be enjoying the real you! Thank you for writing this great blog, and as Rosie suggested an update would be much welcomed.
Wow, anon, such a powerful articulation of your experience. I appreciate your sharing and can relate to a lot of what you wrote. I have felt getting out of ruminating in miserable, horrible thoughts from the past was so helpful for me, but that truly happened after I decided I was so amazing and worth it. Always stepping up and evolving.
Here, here to committing to love for self and honouring the support received to truly heal.
This is an account of you stopping at nothing anon, to really get to the bottom of your ill health. It is a powerful testament to self responsibility and working with the medicos and healing practitioners to support you return to YOU. Thank you.
Thank you anon for such an open and honest blog, I am sure it will be very supportive for many people. I have found that behind my unwillingness to truly embrace self love has been my unwillingness to feel as you said, “my brutally low opinion of myself”, which I had actually hidden from myself with an arrogance that told me I was somehow special. In the end it has ben my body that has pulled me out of this pattern by forcing me to stop and simply honour what it needs, to love my body, to love me.
anon, this is an outstanding story and thanks for sharing it. I will pass it on to some friends who struggle with bipolar and depression. Although not suffering those imbalances, I do understand about the debilitating to-do list and how disempowering it can be. On a bigger scale, I can also relate to how you were making better choices, just ‘doing’ them to make things better. It brings a warm glow to my heart to read of your bingo moment and the beginning of bringing love and understanding to yourself. One sentence that stuck out is:
“this beautiful woman who is just busting to be given permission to come out into the world.” How different would the world be if each of us gives ourselves that permission?
Thank you for sharing your experience of depression and I am sure for many others, some of what you describe has been played out in my life too. I can certainly relate to when you write “is my internal voice was still running me down, judging me, chastising me all the time. So I might have been making better choices, but I was just ‘doing’ them to make things better rather than because I really felt I was worth it”.
Thank you Anon, so many people are diagnosed with bi polar now and in reading your article it is great to have an understanding of what this diagnosis must be like to live with, and also that there are other choices that can be explored in conjunction with the medications available, such as seeking the support of a Universal Medicine practitioner.
Thank you Anon for showing that it’s never too late to be willing to look at our choices and make changes to the way we live, to see our responsibility in life and act on it. And how profound an impact this can have on our wellbeing.
A beautiful Blog Anon. How to heal from depression and bi-polar. What a benefit to humanity would that be. Thank you.
What struck me on reading this blog was how often do we complain about things we don’t like in our lives and even seek some kind of help for them, without taking full responsibility for our part in it and being fully willing to heal. This explains to me why you could have the best healer in the world and if you are not ready or prepared to heal, then no healing can result.
You are living testimony Anon that no matter how far we may stray from our true nature the call remains ever willing to be made from that place to realign ourselves to the love we are, in whatever way we see fit, and start to drink from that infinite well of love once again.
Beautifully said Giselle. It is an infinite well that sits patiently waiting for us, never leaving us despite how much drama & chaos we create for ourselves. When we choose to realign to our true nature, it is simply there. No judgement. Just there. It is divine.
Here here Giselle and Sarahflenley – a gorgeous feeling to know this deep truth.
What a journey you have been on and what an inspiration for others. It is so easy to just give up and accept what is on offer from conventional medicine but avoid the responsibility required to actually make the changes necessary. You have shown us what is possible with self-care and responsibility and this is true medicine and a great reflection for others with depression.
Thank you for sharing Anon. This offers much inspiration and a new way to look at mental health and depression. Taking an honest look at our lives and seeing the part we play in our own illness and disease really is the path to healing. Taking responsibility for the choices we have made and the ways we feed their continued hold on us breaks these patterns and gives us the space to choose differently. And you chose love so inspiring.
I was so reminded about making life about my personal relationship with myself and how just trying to make it better is an exercise in exhaustion, futility and chasing my tail. Thank you for your openness and honesty and this very rich story.
It is incredible that we always are fed the opinion we would have to better our lives and thereby choose to make lists and plans we will never be up to. The frustration this creates is so powerful that it totally distracts us from feeling how amazing we are and that everything is provided for in life, if only we allow it to unfold freely.
Dear Anon, I love how honestly you share your growth and learning and with that your freeing yourself of the vicious cycle you were in. This sharing is truly inspiring and deeply serving. It is awesome to learn and accept and claim that you/we are much more than those limiting patterns of behaviour, and we can change them, with loving care and true support by professionals and ourselves.
I love the honesty in your blog Anon, and would love an update as it is now a few years later since you wrote this.
Depression and even Bi Polar affects so many people today and I really feel that your blog could be very inspiring if it were to be shared with others who feel like giving up. This subject is not discussed enough, it should be in the news so that people who are really down, are aware of another way.
I agree with you rosie…Depression affects so many people and stories like this need to get out into the world….. let them know their is another way… if they choose. They too can re-connect to the beautiful person they really are.
Anon, I am very touched by your honest sharing about depression and your journey out of it. It is great to hear your story, thank you.
This blog is rich Anon. Responsibility for your choices and how you became aware you were blaming others and circumstances and fixating on the stories to keep you in a victim mentality is an insight many can benefit from.
It can be a bit of a sting to understand we are responsible for our circumstances and that they are a result of our choices. I know first hand how much relief I get if I have something or someone else to blame but the more honest I am with myself the more it boils down to something that I have not chosen to take responsibility for. It can be bitter medicine to swallow at first but the more and more I accept responsibility the sweeter and simpler life becomes and what I call problems or issues are no longer seen that way. In fact, I would go so far to say that taking responsibility for my choices was the antidote for depression, especially when it is applied with love and understanding from ourselves and our healing professionals.
For me love and the understanding transports me from blame to responsibility for my previous choice and frees me to move forward
The much needed love and support you received as part of your healing process Anon is rarely experienced today. Not because it is not there in the caring professions, in many cases it is, as you found with your GP, but the medical system has not been structured to provide this. This is why Universal Medicine stands out, Anon has described the balance of love and accountability she received from Universal Medicine practitioners so perfectly by making it about ‘the healing power of love’.
There is much to contemplate and understand about these words ‘the healing power of love’. If understood, they are words to live by.
Hear hear Deanne, I love what you are saying. Statistics say that 80% of homeless people in Australia suffer from depression – the healing power of love could help all of those 80% if they wanted to make the right choices.
Wow Deanne very powerful what you say, the balance of accountability and love, truly universal medicine in every sense of the words. I also love ‘the healing power of love’ being words to live by and I really can feel that. Thank you.
This blog turns depression on it’s head and shows us that there is a way to address it which encompasses a true healing. Thank you for sharing so intimately your journey in discovering the cause of your depression. It created a stop for me because in your words I could feel how I also tend to set myself up to not be able to achieve everything on my list, which leaves me in self judgement and being too hard on myself.
Couldn’t agree more Vanessa, and the dreaded list a great set up for self judgement and being hard on oneself as you say.
There is so much support and wisdom on offer in this post, I feel it could fill a whole book. Serge Benhayon is the first person I heard to refer to depression as a withdrawal from life and some degree of kidney exhaustion. He explains that the exhaustion can be a result of not being responsible for our own inner feelings and impulses and rather making choices in life based on living up to ideals and expectations from outside of us. Over time this can’t but be exhausting as we are then living against our bodies. The conflict however does not stop there, within us every time we override our inner wisdom to march to something or somebody else’s tune a little part of us gives up, like the to-do list that never gets completed. On a cellular level it feels like death although we don’t die, instead, at best life becomes about function and survival, living death or more clinically – depression. Serge Benhayon has over the years in lectures, courses and sermons offered much insight into deeply held unresolved hurts that feel so big that the world poses as a constant threat to trigger these, so instead withdrawal is chosen. Withdrawal in its varying degrees is again a form of giving up that is often diagnosed as depression. Thank you Anon – this subject is massive and I found much of what you wrote relatable.
Wow Anon great story and thank you for sharing it. What you have described here really does expose how we have so much power over our own lives, and that all our choices in how we choose to be, think and behave have real consequences, we cannot get way with anything. Working as a counsellor myself I found your story fascinating as I’ve experienced similar scenarios with some of my clients, that they are actually choosing to not be ok. Revealing this and discussing it honestly can be truly healing and the only way to begin the road back to a true way of being.
Thank you for being so honest in sharing this. It’s not always the case that someone is willing to work on and deal with their issues/drama’s truly, when they just want the symptoms to go away. I love that you have stuck to it, you will be an inspiration for many.
Absolutely Ariel, I agree, this learning is so important to share as many struggle with similar issues in their lives. There is another way.
I have read this blog before, yet re-reading it tonight I feel deeply to say thank you Anon, what you share here is so, so super supportive for anyone who is feeling depressed. This article needs to be published and distributed to hospitals, psychiatrists, mental health support groups… anywhere that it can be available for all. You sharing your story with the honesty you have is far greater medicine than someone telling you what you should do. Instead it offers to humanity what can be achieved if we choose to address our own set of internal demons.
Thank you for sharing Anon,very inspiring story about true commitment to self and true love.
Within your blog Anon is a strong message to get help when we are in trouble, get help but also make the commitment to help ourselves, there can be no stronger combination than the willingness to make the changes and the skilled care of the people you describe. Often what we need is to hear the hard naked truth and our own role in the lives we have made. If we can be honest with our own role, give ourselves a healthy dose of truth, then it can be possible to address the problems we face and the stickiness that is often there in life.
Yes Stephen, I too felt that strong message about having the humility to ask for help. So often we are raised to believe we should be independent and sort things out for ourselves. Ultimately we do, but I have found getting the right loving help is key to any healing I have gone through. A great sharing anon.
This is such a fantastic and articulate insight into the cycle of depression and what keeps you stuck…thank you for taking the time to put it into writing and sharing it with us.
Thanks Anon for sharing your story so openly. It provided me with an opportunity to see in my own life where I make things too hard or where I let self loathing thoughts come in, both of which have me wanting to hop into bed and stay under the covers for a few days! It has shown me again the importance of making practical, physical choices that support us and honour our bodies, but also how important it is to confirm ourselves and appreciate ourselves to ‘ward off’ the self loathing thoughts.
Taking personal responsibility for where we are, what we have created in our lives, the havoc we have wrecked on our own bodies and those around us, is one of the hardest pills to swallow. And yet it is the bridge upon which we all must cross to start healing ourselves. Blaming is endemic in our society… Backed up by irresponsible litigation, senseless media, and a deep ignorance of the cycle of life. I know that for me blaming others was my fallback position when anything went wrong. Absurd but true, and over 30 years of ‘ spiritual seeking’ did nothing to address this. It wasn’t till I started to attend Universal Medicine presentations that I was able to connect with and know myself enough to understand that I had created my life, and that I have the power to change everything.
Awesome comment Chris I agree, it can be a huge pill to swallow, one of the biggest I would say. I would totally say lack of self responsibility is an epidemic in our society. It is all to easy to blame another or life itself – than be open and willing to take responsibility for all our choices and our life. This is something I have really begun to embrace and I’m not perfect, there are still moments where there is an ouch, and realise I want to blame another or a situation. But … the absolute joy I feel in now taking responsibility for myself and my life is amazing. And the huge fact that by doing so I no longer give my power away to everything ( people, life, situations). I am powerful and have the power to change everything. This is amazing and the new normal.
Taking responsibility for one’s life and reclaiming one’s power is the beginning of healing. Thank you anon.
I was also part of the blame game, learning how to take responsibility for my life and my choices turned that around. Thank you Anon for sharing your story and you cjames2012 for your great comment and not least, Universal Medicine for providing us with the tools to become accountable and purposeful again in life.
I think most of us are part of the blame game until we wake up to it and start taking responsibility for our lives. And although that can seem onerous at first, all those choices to be made and all those not-so-good choices we have already made, it is really so liberating to realise it is all up to me – no-one else is responsible for my life.
So true, it is very liberating to realise no-one else is responsible for my life.
You hit the hamer on the nail here, Chris. Personal responsibility is the bridge we all have to cross and it can be quite challenging to not be able to blame another anymore. Serge Benhayon made this clear from the start we are responsible for every choice we make and we create our own lives.
I love how you have shared this incredible journey that you have had in gradually facing up to your own part in creating this cycle of depression in your life. Wonderful that you have found such great support from both your medical practitioner and the Universal Medicine practitioners. Your realisation of the great healing power of Love, starting with developing a love for yourself as the basis, is a huge step in your recovery. Good for you!
Wow Anon, what an insightful account of your journey back from depression. I strongly relate to much of what you say here as I also suffered for many years with it. It was grim and a low point in my life but I now know I’d given up on myself because I didn’t want to accept what I’d created. I was rejecting me so when I came across a doctor who did the same, I sank even further. Looking back perhaps I set it up just as it was so I could hide away in some kind of relief of not having to participate in life. What struck me was the deep level of care you talk about here and the contrast with which you were once offered. When we’re down our self-worth is at an all time low and a dismissal of any kind can be incredibly damaging particularly when there’s nothing to fall back on but with love and care true healing is possible. Thank God for the ‘growing awareness and the healing power of love’ and for your inspiring story here.
The best advice, can sometimes be the advice we don’t want to hear.
I agree, but in the end I am so glad I did hear it.
Depression is far more widespread than I think we like to think. Certainly a smiling face doesn’t mean someone isn’t depressed and struggling to understand why they feel the way they do. Thank you Anon for your very touching personal blog on this topic.
Thank you Anon, rah-rah to the simplicity of love.
So true… there was so much that was inspiring about the blog, but I loved that part about the rah-rah to the healing power of love.
Anon, thank you for your deeply personal blog and the inspiration I experienced reading it. Many others who have suffered depression will be very interested in your article. It does come back to healing ourselves in the end (with support from some amazing practitioners and doctors), by realising we do play a big part in our illnesses and accepting the responsibility of this. I particularly liked the mention of taking medication with love and care – something I haven’t always done (I didn’t see this as the support I needed in the moment)- rather than as a nuisance to get off as soon as possible.
Wow Anon what a transformational story that ultimately boiled down to the relationship you had with yourself, your words…”And how could I profess to love my family when I treated myself so appallingly?” and then again your bingo moment…. “So I might have been making better choices, but I was just ‘doing’ them to make things better rather than because I really felt I was worth it”. Developing the relationship with self leads to understanding, appreciating and then cherishing to hold ourselves with value or worth – and your story sums this all up beautifully.
Thank you for sharing your experience of taking responsibility Anon. It’s true that without the full willingness ‘to go there’ and take responsibility for why our lives are the way we are, we are simply looking for a solution and not a true healing.
Yes Kylie – like a bandaid or symptomatic fix without looking at the root cause, this is only a short term high with no lasting resolution. Through responsibility we give depth to understanding ourselves, our life and others – a healing for all.
Truly amazing article Zofia, it has made me look at some of my ‘doing’. Is it because I am worth it, or because I ought to? Ouch!
Wow what an amazing truth-full and courageous writing, thank you for sharing your experiences with us all Anon.
When you said; “So I might have been making better choices, but I was just ‘doing’ them to make things better rather than because I really felt I was worth it. Now I was getting somewhere.” This statement is gold, and spoke loud and clear to me, as I am currently working on appreciating myself and feeling my self worth, with the amazing support of the Universal Medicine practitioners I choose to see.
I am touched and impressed by the deep insight you give into the world of depression, the entanglement and complication that makes one blind and seemingly helpless until – with love, truth and understanding – you were supported and empowered to become honest and take responsibility so that healing could eventually occur. I like very much your term “the medicinal qualities of love and care” as they recognise and appreciate these living qualities for the power they have and the place they deserve in an all-encompassing understanding of what medicine and healing are.
Thank you Anon. Yes we can have the life we deserve when we choose to take responsibility for our actions and choices.
What a horrible, sad existence you were having when you were in depression, Anon. It is wonderful how you have come through it. Congratulations – I feel privileged to have been allowed to share it all with you, through your blog. What you have done is wonderful and brave and thank goodness you had the love and support of an understanding GP and of Serge Benhayon and the Universal Medicine practitioners.
Wow Anon what an incredible blog. Everyone would benefit from reading this, while I have not experienced deep depression I do recognise some of the traits you have talked about, certainly creating drama when I’m exhausted rang a bell. You have received loving support from many people but at the end of the day it is your choice, my choice everyone’s choice to accept the support and change. Your journey is an inspiration to read.
I appreciate what you have shared here Anon. I had a period in my life similar to this where I was experiencing a form of depression and the problem was placed always with ‘life’ but NEVER with the choices I made. Huge pill to swallow.
Thankyou for sharing this so honestly – it is so important to talk about depression and especially when you have found what is causing it and how to lead your life out of it – this is something to share with many depression sufferers – I also feel that awful inner critic that hammers me if I let it, it can be such a horrible put-down in my life and it is so good to realize – that is not who I am! That awareness alone helps me to shift the heaviness.
Anon this is an incredible insight in how your GP and Universal Medicine practitioners took your hand and supported you. What a great way to begin your true road to recovery.
“This is a rah–rah to the medicinal qualities of love and care” … So very true…if this could be bottled, replicated and delivered consistently, what an amazing world we would live in.
Having been depressed as well as a heroin addict I agree there is a similar feeling with both. Both are an indulgence so as to not take responsibility in the moment, instead I would give up and either sink into depression or have a hit of heroin depending on which one I was into at the time.
It is so good to become more and more aware of the thoughts I have about myself.
Wow , amazing transformation. I too can relate to the shouting, I did that to my children. I started seeking help from Universal Medicine Practitioners for healing and get behind the reasons why I was shouting at my children. I also have been attending the Sacred Esoteric Healing Levels 1 to 4 part 1. I have realized that I held a lot of anger and sadness. I started to practice more and more of connecting to myself, my stillness and conscious presence. I found that by staying connected, listening to my body as to what to eat and when to go to bed, I was no longer exhausted and overwhelmed. I was able to handle my children without shouting and they became much calmer too. Our family dynamic has changed and become more harmonious. I am very grateful for love and support from the practitioners, Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
Your honesty is refreshing: “..was I maybe making choices in my life to create the drama, thereby providing myself with the exhaustion and chaos – which in turn gave me the excuse to go into overwhelm and give up?” Ouch! I can relate that I am always responsible for my life and how I react to things happening is my choice. Although that sounds simple it is, like you shared, not always as pleasant to feel how you created your own ‘mess’ so to speak. But I agree with what you shared at the end of your blog – that maybe we have to see the ‘tough stuff’ before we can make our lives truly caring and supporting for ourselves and thus for others too.
The healing power of love indeed. I like how you pointed out the difference between going to see someone so they can fix you or presenting what’s wrong with little to no will to change it and then going to see someone so you can make a true change and ‘how can I fix it’. It makes a lot of sense to why some stay the way they are even though there is support offered – they don’t have any drive to change it for themselves and so nothing changes.
Good point Emily, it’s so different going to the doctor just for medicine to fix the symptom, rather than going to the doctor as a lovingly support yourself to truly heal.
“… showing me that I always had a choice, even when I had dug my heels in pretty deep, thinking I had no choice, believing that the dramatic events in my life were outside of my control and that I was a lost cause.” We do always have a choice and pondering this is huge, because it can change everything in our lives. I know, I use to feel like a victim a lot of the time and realising that I could do something, even the smallest shift in my posture, eye contact, what I choose to say or not say, just changed my life. I was responsible, I am empowered. Thank you for sharing.
Such a powerful message Samantha, to change a destructive pattern of behaviour by taking responsibility for our own creations and making different choices, thank you.
You have shared so honestly Anon, and shown how that honesty about yourself was a vital part of your ongoing journey of healing. Without that we cannot move out of the old patterns, for we will be in denial. I remember it took me a long time to accept that I create my own dramas and do so because I am not willing to take the responsibility of recognising that I somehow depend on the symptoms I have built up for myself as an excuse to gain sympathy.
Wow Anon, I am very touched by what you’ve shared here, your depth of honesty and willingness to ‘go there’ is very moving. You show that it’s possible to heal this level of disfunction in life, and that it’s not just a personality deficit, or more to the point, something to ‘fix’. You are a living example of the perfect marriage that is Universal Medicine and modern medicine…. thanks so much.
Thank you Anon for a deeply inspiring blog, one which shows with true love, care and support we can turn our lives around. However the key in all this was your own honesty and acceptance of your part in the illness in your life and ultimately your relationship with yourself as written so beautifully here – “my internal voice was still running me down, judging me, chastising me all the time. So I might have been making better choices, but I was just ‘doing’ them to make things better rather than because I really felt I was worth it”
It is so beautiful how you have stated that it was true love that has finally helped you to change your life, and support you as you did. It is plain to see in your writting the delivering of medication or advice with out love doesn’t hold any true support for anyone. Thank you, I for one have struggled with loving myself and there fore others. This is something that I am finding easier each day, to see in your writting how love held the answer is pure inspiration for me to continue to love.
Loved to hear how you stuck with the healing and the loving support of the Universal Practitioners who do not pander – not an easy road at times but one that leads to a place that is nothing short of miraculous, the discovery of the real you.
Wow Anon – thank you for sharing your story so openly. You were really willing to hear the tough stuff but it has paid off. So many of us live with depression our whole lives not moving forward. The only thing that has supported me rising up out of depression has been feeling that I am worth feeling great about myself and in turn those things that I was doing to re-inforce me feeling awful and depleted had to go. Universal Medicine has been great in this regard, because by going to sessions and presentations open and willing to hear some home truths we get to the answer.
Thanks Anon, for sharing I love how you were shown the no nonsense approach with love of course, as how can we truly heal without getting to the truth of the problem?
Wow, a little sentence jumped out at me that I could relate to in your story, ‘I was setting up choices in my life that would lead to events that would bring on my symptoms’. I immediately felt how I have sabotaged myself in the past in a similar way so I could look back and say to myself ‘told you so, knew it wouldn’t work’. The internal head thoughts are now not so often there because I can feel I’m worth more and can overpower them with love for myself.
Thank you Anon. I loved that you held our hand explaining every step of the way. How we can’t just fix the bits we want to without looking at why. If we can be unkind to ourselves then we can be unkind to others.
Thank you Anon, I could especially relate to being a mom and becoming overloaded with such high expectations written in a list for the day. How many times have I done this and been very disappointed with myself for not completing the list. When I look at some of those lists now, I can see how unrealistic my expectations of myself were and still are sometimes and how this can be a first step in either feeling supported or drained, simply by how I set up the expectations I have of myself for the day.
What a beautiful and honest blog Anon, thank you. I relate to it deeply and also to the healing power of love that is all around us if we choose to see it.
Thanks Anon for being so open about your experience of depression and your process of working through it and with it. I can relate to many of the symptoms you describe, namely the ‘black hole’….that for a long time, I too felt like it was a relief of sorts to be back in that abyss….where everything felt so awful, that I would end up feeling nothing and give up being responsible for myself. I too, am so thankful for the Universal Medicine practitioners that I have been seeing for a few years now. They have really ‘socked it to me’, and presented the possibility that I might just hold the key to the depression through my choices and the way I choose or don’t choose to look after myself. It is forever a work in progress, but there is so much support on offer when I call for it, I just have to choose it.
Thank you Anon. I feel hugely privileged and humbled at being given access to the most comprehensive and graphic account of this nature, that I think I have ever read! Your ability to put into words each minute detail of your condition and your troubled voyage is to my mind, akin to someone carrying out open heart surgery upon themselves and giving a simultaneous running commentary! It demonstrates to me the fact that we have the answers to many things within ourselves if only we can make the connection.
Absolutely brilliant !!
Do I do things to make life better, or is it coming from self-worth? In other words, do I make choices because I am worth these choices? Beautiful insight, thank you.
Thank you, Anon, for sharing, in such a real way, an example of the roller coaster ride we can take ourselves on. ‘The medicinal qualities of love and choice’ is what drew me to the article and then I really appreciated your honesty about that shocking moment when we stop and consider that we could be responsible for our situations. Rather than run from that back into a familiar array of habitual ill behaviours you made a choice. To explore further, to see beyond the self denigration and allow a loving, understanding and tender relationship with yourself develop. Out of the woods into the daylight…really inspiring.
In no way does that present a done and dusted moment. My development and awareness continues all the time. But to be free of the dark recesses of the mental self abuse, and aware that taking responsibility is a joy rather than a burden, is my reason for flying out of bed to engage with life and what each day has to offer.
Thank you Anon, what a great blog about your commitment to face your depression head-on. It is very powerful and inspiring to read how you turned around your life by taking responsibility and made truth your focus, and put a stop to the merry-go-round of your unloving choices.
Anon thank you for your honest article about depression and how you have had the courage to dig deeper and learn to heal this. It is amazing the power of love and responsibility with our choices has.
Wow. I know I have read this one before but now it feels like I am reading it with fresh eyes if that makes sense. Not bogged down in the fact that while yes I can relate to depression, exhaustion fuelled by drama and a constant self-critical commentary there is a huge light bulb moment here: Remaining in my head and not feeling I am worth all the love around and within me has been my down fall. Being gentle and being more aware of my actions is a great start but if I keep the negative commentary there will always be this one step forward, two steps back momentum. This just confirms what that love from others around me has said all along and what I have felt from within has been saying – you have to feel it to heal it, it’s not about thinking.
Thank you Anon,for sharing your deeply honest experience, so inspiring the choice you have made to take responsibility to bring yourself back, it takes a lot of courage and strength to take ownership in the way your life was, and then lovingly change. I applaud you in having overcome such a huge hurdle Lovingly.Once again such an inspiration.
Love is the antidote of all illnesses. Of course we need medical support, but this story shows how we also need the love and care of the (professional) person in front of us.
Anon, reading your article was very timely as I have been pondering whether the teachings of Universal Medicine could help people with conditions such as depression and bi-polar. I suppose my doubt comes from the fact that we are led to believe that these things are kind of hard-wired in the brain, but you have demonstrated that such conditions can be healed by being honest about our part in them, in conjunction with making different choices. Astounding !
What I love about this blog is it’s absolute honesty and the truth you are willing to feel, present and share and that we are responsible for how our life is? I love this line and a little ouch too 🙂 “was I maybe making choices in my life to create the drama” for some that can be hard to bear, for me it’s a loud yes, I know for some time I didn’t want to face up to the fact, but know I have and still do each day, life is much more simple and makes more sense. I also love the fact you present about choosing to be responsible for your healing rather than turning up for a quick fix. For me lack of self responsibility leads to exhaustion as you’re constantly in reaction to the world and giving your power away to everything and anything instead of saying no, I have a choice in this.
Wow Anon. What a journey and thank you for your honesty, love and self care in making such a difference to yourself, your life and the people around you.
“I was only committing to making my life better, but not actually addressing the relationship I had with myself” – there’s much for me to ponder on in this. Thank you for sharing.
This is so great. What is being championed here is the importance of care and love as a remedy for illness. So simple but yet so true and so powerful.
Hello Anon and thank you for your detailed story. For many people that are suffering depression this is a support and possibly a place to start. Your blog shows how simple it is to ‘come out’ of depression but at the same time there is a lot of pain and work to be done. I loved that you bought more simplicity to your life and how a moment by moment approach supported you and how you looked at the way you were treating yourself as a guide to how you treat others. The self responsibility you took in your life and in this blog is resounding.
What a wonderful article, full of the experiences of someone who suffered depression, it certainly seems true that we are complicit in our illnesses and that often it takes a true friend or a skilled and caring practitioner to give us the harsh truths, I can certainly relate to times where I have wallowed in a problem, and while that is not as severe as depression, it required a willingness to address what was going on for me to be able to stop the behaviour.
Thank you Anon, it is amazing to feel your honesty and your appreciation for the care shown by the people around you. We have always the possibility and choice to step out of the ill choices we have made, choices we thought we needed to cope with life.
Such a powerful and honest blog Anon, the way you have faced your depression and treated yourself with the deepest level of care, respect and love is amazing. I especially love your final paragraph “I am understanding more and more the meaning of true love and what that encompasses: it is true love to gently, without judgement, lovingly help people when they are ready to begin to entertain the possibility that we are responsible for our choices and the events that happen in our lives: it is true love to present the ‘tough’ stuff – to bring people back to who they really are so they, in turn, can help others return back to who they really are. This to me is the bigger picture, this to me is all part of true love.” .
I agree Jade presenting the tough stuff, from love, is how we all help each other to evolve. Beautifully written, honest blog Anon. I also resonate with the doing of things to make life better or because we are worthy…being honest about our self worth…
Amazing and inspiring honesty Anon! Thank you
Yes, it very much is amazing and inspiring. One thing I wonder: Do you have any idea why no antidepressant would work for you? Is that common?
Your experience highlights well how the internal voice in our head can completely run the show, and the hugely damaging impact it can have on our life. Your experience is laid out very simply, honestly and openly, it is a real inspiration to any one who is willing to take responsibility for their life and to change it.
Taking responsibility for our actions and choices is something many of us don’t want to hear and admit too. However in the last couple of months I have realized that being responsible doesn’t mean being serious, it can actually be so much fun and you can really enjoy yourself.
“Someone that cared and who knew me to be more than the mess I was in”. How often we forget that we are not our mess, it is something that is happening or playing out but it is not who we are. So beautiful to read of the support from your GP and your practitioners and the magic of being seen as the lovely woman you are first rather than what you presented with.
Thank you Anon for sharing your story. Amazing honesty and willingness to examine your role and your choices in your health. I love that Universal Medicine practitioners always work with GPs and doctors, not against them. Truly complimentary medicine.
It takes great courage to stand before true love and feel all that you have allowed to get in the way of this. It requires a great deal of commitment and responsibility when previously this was lacking and many understandably, run screaming never to return. I could relate to so much of your story Anon and what I feel most is your strength and your bravery to rid yourself once and for all of everything that does not match the love that you know yourself to be – truly inspiring. Thankyou.
I can totally relate to your blog Anon, you are so right in promoting resposibility and self love.
“I am understanding more and more the meaning of true love and what that encompasses: it is true love to gently, without judgement, lovingly help people when they are ready to begin to entertain the possibility that we are responsible for our choices and the events that happen in our lives” Another great gem thank you Anon.
Yes Anon it really is about loving ourselves and being gentle with our process. A truly great rah, rah moment. Thank you so very much for sharing.
It is fantastic how you were able to receive support from both your GP and Universal Medicine. What a great balance. It sounds like your GP is a very wise person, able to appreciate that you are able to get support from many places including Universal Medicine practitioners.
Thank you Anon, for your honest sharing of your way of return to the true you. And indeed we have to be thankful that we have people around that do love and care for us, and, this is a mayor part of the equitation, the love and care we can develop for ourselves.
This willingness to be thankful, makes it possible to receive the love and care that is always there for us to receive, assisting us in returning who we truly are, by healing the ill ways we have developed in our lives.
What a great reminder of how complementary and conventional medicine can work together to provide true healing. Every health professional needs to read this.
It’s interesting the way you describe depression as almost feeling like a drug itself, “a relief to finally give in, give up and lay in bed”. I can certainly feel that ‘wanting to give up’ in a life that I had made so hard for myself where depression was a welcome way to check out, withdraw and retreat from the life that was too difficult. It was the checking out bit that I experienced as the ‘hit’. What you’ve offered here is a way to understand depression and therefore, the possibility of healing it.
Wow Anon there is so much here in what you have shared and relatable to many. You were simply willing to get brutally honest with yourself and to go deeper beyond the misery you had previously settled for to truly heal. Thank you, your sharing is inspirational.
Thank you Anon for this beautifully expressed article – your honesty and strength of love is very inspiring.
An amazing and very inspiring story. It’s a testament to the Universal Medicine practitioners who consistently present in such a loving way how our choices impact ourselves and our lives. I’ve received similar support and while astonished to consider I am in fact responsible for how things are, it’s a huge relief to have the insight and opportunity to free oneself.
Anon you have written a model to help people with depression which is of plague proportions.
I especially love the fact that you didn’t give up and accept the “diagnosis” , which often leaves people with nowhere to go except a life with a lot of medication which of course can be of support, but nowhere near as powerful as the love and support of people who know you are way more than just your illness.
Love and care really are great medicine. I have often observed this in patients I have cared for and seen that it is our genuine connection that is really healing. Love and care lift you and allow you to feel supported enough to start supporting yourself. Your blog proves that pandering is not love and supports people to stay stuck where they are.
You’re so right Anon about the healing power of true love, which is truth. Love and truth are the most loving gifts you can be given, or give to another. No matter how tough it seems, it’s the only foundation for starting the process of healing.
Thank you Anon for your honesty. A clear unwavering search for truth and as painful as it has been the rewards of ‘being and living the true you’ are there. Uncovering the hurts and healing these through your own inner wisdom, and with support from Universal Medicine practitioners and your General Health practitioner was the magical combination required.
Anon, thank you for your very important reminder – that you came to realise that you (we) always have a choice, even when it may seem like you don’t.
Thank you Anon, for a sharing your healing process with depression. It really highlights the importance of honesty of where we are at in life, the commitment at taking responsibility of the ways we have created all the suffering around us and the self love that is required for us to be consistent with our choices and also assist us to receive and be love with others.
A powerful blog Anon – thank you for your openness, honesty and insight. It takes a lot of love to take that level of responsibility for you life and your choices – yes the support you have received from Universal Medicine Practitioners has been vital – but your own will to heal is what inspires me most about your blog – appreciation all round.
What a remarkable account of how self responsibility and self-loving choices can take you from the deepest darkest place and return you back to who you truly are. Thank you Anon for allowing us to see a pathway back and that it’s never hopeless.
Anon, your practical and honest account of your story is a wonderful demonstration of how it is possible to overcome depression and return to love. I know all too well how we can allow the ‘to-do list’ to drive us to exhaustion and how poor self-worth is behind that ‘running the show’. I too have found that Serge Benhayon and UM practitioners provide an amazing reflection which supports us to understand that we are not victims of circumstances, but that we actually are making choices which we can change. This empowers us to take responsibility by facing the underlying issues, which then shifts the basis on which we make our choices so, as a consequence, we do not just make ‘better choices’ – we make self-loving choices which are also reflecting a loving way to all those around us.
Thank you Anon for you honesty and openness in sharing your story. It was beautiful to read how held you felt by your GP and the Universal Medicine practitioners while they lovingly posed the questions to you to start taking ownership for what was playing out. This is key and an amazing example for the care and sensitivity that is needed from the health-care system at large. We are never victims of circumstance or victims of an illness we so happen to have; everything that takes place in our lives is as a result of the choices we make. And so there is a huge responsibility on a true health care system that lovingly cares for us and supports us in whatever rehabilitation we need, but without any notion that we are a victim. But it is only when we are held in love that we feel supported enough and not judged or criticised, that we can then start to have a self-enquiry with ourselves about why we have gotten ourselves into the situation we are in.
I can relate all too well to the kind of depression you went through…and now being free of it after 24 years of the hellish rollorcoaster I am free of it and I know it is, as you say, about getting super honest AND choosing to find the missing ingredient; Love.
I also used to have explosive yelling tantrums, totally out of character; so destructive and demoralizing. I felt so out of control & so helpless…but I can see that I am not those things, now that I have an understanding about my exhaustion and especially the loathsome way I treated myself internally and all the time and now with the very loving support of Esoteric Practitioners and my truly caring GP I have found the medicine I needed and I continue to develop it lovingly and feeling more and more that I am worth it.
Wow Anon, there is so many gems of gold in this blog as you share your journey coming back to taking responsibility, and returning to true love and self care, very inspiring. Something for me to ponder on today…”So I might have been making better choices, but I was just ‘doing’ them to make things better rather than because I really felt I was worth it. Now I was getting somewhere.”
Thank you Anon for sharing your story so honestly and the choices you have made to take responsibility and bring yourself back are very inspiring.
“I can tell you, it was pretty painful to even contemplate for one second the possibility that I could be responsible for creating all the pain I’d been through, and had put my family through. But with patience and genuine true love and care, my GP and Universal Medicine practitioners, with zero judgement, held my hand and allowed me the time and space to consider these possibilities more deeply.”
This is huge Anon what you share here with us and brings a new way to look at symptoms like depression!! Thank you.
I hope you can continue to really appreciate what you have accomplished here Anon. What an amazing transformation. I so much admire the fact that you have taken responsibility for your own healing, such an inspiration Anon
Thank you very much Anon for your honesty and openness.To read your article is opening my eyes again to where I am at and what I still carry over all these years.
Since I read your article, I start making loving choices because I felt I am worth it.The feeling of ‘that is me, and it needs nothing more’ grows. Within, the seeking for healing and relief becomes less. This is my first comment ever and I am so glad to do this. Tender Hug, Andreas.
Thank-you Anon for presenting your incredible story of taking true responsibility for your life and circumstances. It’s so great that you were able to come to really see the difference between practitioners who support with genuine love and care and connection, and those that don’t, and feel the difference, and then make choices accordingly.
Thank you Anon, I don’t know an awful lot about depression or how it works – so I was so interested to read your story and how people can become defined by an action instead of who they truly are.
What an amazing story you tell – to stop being the victim and have others help you – and to actually help yourself, take responsibility and choose more love. You are right – it was love from everyone around you that helped you see differently – and your choice to make the change.
This is truly an inspirational piece of writing.. having had depression on and off for roughly twenty years, I completely am moved by this blog.
What an awesome blog Anon, and what a journey you have had! It just goes to show that, not only through the support of UniMed practitioners and the medical profession, but through your own choice to initiate change and take full responsibility for your life, miracles CAN happen. Love truly is the answer. Thank-you for sharing.
Anon thank you for your deeply honest sharing of your experience with depression. I too have had depression throughout my adult life and can relate to the being exhausted and sharing to stay in a pattern of blame and giving up. It so true that true love and care is what supports us to make the choice to address what is actually the root cause of being depressed.
Anon thank you so much for sharing yourself here. ‘it is true love to present the ‘tough’ stuff – to bring people back to who they really are so they, in turn, can help others return back to who they really are.’
In time, with this level of understanding, clarity and commitment, we can all return to love.
Anon, this is pure gold and I enjoyed rereading it as much as I did first time around. You committed to yourself and to finding the root cause and that commitment was then matched by the people you surrounded yourself with. And I deeply appreciate you calling the internal forever critic for what it does when you say “to feel my brutally low opinion of myself”. Thank you for this great contribution.
Wow Anon what a trip you have been on, I have to say I love a happy ending and would love to hear that you are still on to it. Knowing and accepting that we are our own creators of all that comes at us is the battle half won and the commitment to self is the clincher.
Anon, you have bought yourself back from a pretty horrible place. When you are in it you can’t see it. The way you described how the low self esteem part of you was still running the show captured what it is like. Your story would be of great benefit to the many people suffering in their own depression. I look around me and feel that most people have some degree of depression or low self esteem that stops them from living their lives in full.
Very true Bernard, depression is such a common affliction, Anon’s experience has a great deal to offer everyone. I know that before I met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I had been extremely depressed but felt I was ‘over it’. However now I realise that my depression was just so extreme compared to how I feel today, I would say it was still quite a prevalent condition. Learning to re-connect to myself, nominate my sadness and grief and begin building a life based on self love, self nurture and connection have been fundamental tools to support my healing. These tools are readily available to everyone, Universal in fact and truly support us to return to our natural joy, sunshine and love within.
The Love for yourself, that shines through these lines, is so healing. Thank you.
A great honesty here and it shows the responsibility we need to take for our lives ourselves. I feel this could help others to hear this, as depression is so widespread and prevalent in the world.
It is our choices that make up our life, and it is never to late to connect to the love that we naturally are. Universal Medicine supports this amazingly from honesty and truth, lovingly.
Thank you Anon, for such a humbling sharing of your experience with depression. Depression is a subject which needs to be openly talked about and I am sure your honest and personal sharing here will inspire others to do just that.
Awesome Anon. the point where you realised you were doing things to make it better, not because you loved yourself, really resonated with me. Rah rah to love!
Yes, doing things to make it better can keep us stuck in something longer than needed until we choose to feel what we are still choosing, and lovingly let it go.
Great stuff Anon, awesome commitment and skill from you at getting such a team of loving people around you to turn things around. Keep up the commitment and love, best medicine ever.
Love to read your article and your honesty in this blog.Thank you for sharing.
‘Someone that cared and who knew me to be more than the mess I was in’. Thank you for this powerful writing and wonderful reminder, though the mess might not be so extreme for all, it shows how we can be as we interact with others … and ourselves.
A key point Kathie, that someone can see through all our stuff and spy us in the middle, a glorious being that has just disconnected from our glory. This is the essential difference and most empowering aspect of the Universal Medicine approach, that our beauty has never left us, we have just disengaged with it. Once realised then it is just a matter of re-connection and then to our own beauty. It may take a little time but as Anon shows, is completely possible and brings with it immense healing.
A very honest blog that shows taking responsibility along with getting loving support to help see the root causes of problems/symptoms is well worth it.
A beautiful sharing of your journey from deep depression, to true care and love for yourself and hence others. What an amazing turnaround, taking responsibility for your self and such an inspiration for others as depression and not coping is becoming more prevalent every day. I love and can relate to the way you have written and feel this is a gift to share with others for both understanding, and the way out. Finding Universal Medicine and all it offers us in reflection and love is the most amazing thing in my life also.
Yes Tricia,
Awesome.
And coming to Universal Medicine has helped heal the what is from the what is not.
“I can tell you, it was pretty painful to even contemplate for one second the possibility that I could be responsible for creating all the pain I’d been through, and had put my family through”. Thank you Anon for this, to be honest to ourselves and really seeing that everything is the result of our choices is huge but the only way to come out of the mess we have created. Your sharing is a beautiful and honest article that there is a way back, back to who we truly are, living a life that is truly loving.
Thank you Anon, I loved your words that ‘it is a rah-rah for the growing awareness for the healing power of love’, for I can feel that healing power of love you have been developing for yourself too. Beautiful.
A deeply moving article, thank you Anon. Running 2 lives, the physical everyday one and then the one in your head, putting yourself down. I can relate to this. It seems that low self worth is pretty universal, especially among women. ( I can’t speak for men). So wonderful to have found an organisation ( Universal Medicine) that supports us to look deeply inside ourselves and to find a way out of the maze.
I agree Sue. It’s great if you can catch the negative thoughts that spin us on a downward spiral and into the maze and complication.
Wow, what you have shared is amazing. This blog has rocked my comfortable boat and highlighted where I have not put any effort in my day, and to choose to feel the fact, as Serge Benhayon presents – that everything is already within me and everything in my life is the result of my choices. Thank you.
What I have found that is so amazing about Universal Medicine practitioners is that they will hold their love so steadfast as to not allow you to indulge in the trap of feeling helpless or a victim of life. They stand there and inspire us to come out of the mud by sharing that we are equal to them and it is down to our choices to make it so. The level of love and care is nothing that I have come across anywhere else. It is to be treasured and appreciated.
An amazing story Anon, thank you for sharing. It is great to read of your turnaround and how you were willing to look at the possibility that you were responsible for all the pain you were experiencing. It is gorgeous how you share that it was the love and care from all around you and from yourself that was the healing ingredient to bring you out of it all.
I agree Rebecca, it is inspiring to read and awesome to hear Anon, that after trying so many things, and pills ‘it was the love and care from all around you and from yourself that was the healing ingredient to bring you out of it all’. It goes to show how important it is we truly love and care for ourselves and others.
The significant aspects that this article raises with regards to mental health illnesses are indeed pure gold. Thank you Anon, sharing your lived experiences gives a very fresh viewpoint and is inspirational.
Thank you for your honesty Anon, and for giving an amazing insight into depression and bi-polar as well as a testimony to Love being our way back to health. I have found with the love and care of Universal Medicine practitioners, alongside taking responsibility for the the life I have created and thus my ill health I have experienced, has meant I have also turned my life around.
This is the third read for me Anon and I can relate to the relentless lack of self worth comments that are quick to invade my head if I allow them. These days they are quieter and I’m quicker to detect them if they pop in, which in itself is a relief as these thoughts are exhausting. Thank you for being so honest and open.
A fantastic blog and absolute proof that connection with yourself and taking responsibility for yourself can completely change your life. It is a great example of how someone who felt that they lived with depression made a choice to change and work towards healing. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing so honestly Anon, and showing how by taking responsibility for yourself and all your choices you can completely turn around the way you are living, very inspiring.
Beautiful Anon, thank you for your very candid article. I too know the real truth of this sentence “I had to admit that when I fell into a depression cycle, which went deeper and deeper into that black hole as it is often described, it almost felt like a drug, a relief to finally give in, give up and lay in bed. I’ve never taken heroin but it was almost like taking a ‘hit’ of something which I knew wasn’t good for me but boy, did it feel great.”
You have shown us all that these unseen illnesses like depression and bi-poplar are definitely within our ability to heal, that we are not victims of some unseen force, but that we have an immense power to truly understand and heal them. Love is the real hero here, it is the love shown to us by others that supports us to look at the causes of these illnesses and it is the love we have inside us that enables us to find our way out of the darkness. Universal Medicine is the first organisation I have come across that makes Love its absolute founding principle, but I too have also received genuine love and care from medical practitioners too and it just goes to show that love is not confined to any one thing or practice, it is freely available to everyone. Thank you for your courage to stop and look deeper, to face those hard hitting questions and take responsibility. You are an inspiration and your journey is an amazing example of how these life long debilitating illnesses can be truly resolved.
Anon thank you for this honest and inspiring blog. This is a great example of how many layers there are to getting to the root of the matter and the thoughts that keep us in the same old patterns.
This is an incredible piece of writing, a game changer for all those who are treating those with depression and those in the grips of it. Remarkable when so many are just medicated and left to continue in the unending cycle, to see what is possible when we take responsibility and really start to love ourselves.
I really enjoyed reading your blog. I loved your sharing about making better choices then realising that wasn’t “it” and you still had to choose to get rid of the self-critic and feel your self-worth. How often do we make choices to better our life without getting to the very root of our problem – lack of self-worth. This blog is such an inspiration for us to look deeper with more honesty at our choices and make self-love our foundation.
This blog is very inspiring and for me it was an eye opener about how our own self judgements and self criticism has a ripple effect in how we feel and how we will then interact with life.
Anon, I love the way that you have presented your story with depression and how it unfolded for you – that it wasn’t caused by anything out there but by the choices you were making for yourself. I have had mild bouts of depression and the thing that strikes me is that as soon as one drops into it, one’s awareness appears to simply disappear. I haven’t had depression itself for a long time but I have what I would call moments of depression where I feel fine one minute then the next I have what I would call a twinge of depression; sometimes I don’t want to choose to see where it came from, but in realising this, I have supported myself to be more honest and I found it to be as you describe – that I set myself some goal or expectation to get something done and on discovering that I didn’t get it done, I can drop into a feeling of ‘having failed’.
When I allow myself to go into this kind of self judgement, I cannot see any of my amazingness, it is so self destructive. I feel that the way you have brought honesty to your depression and expressed your part in its cause, will be of enormous value to fellow sufferers.
Dear Anon, thank you –
Thank you Anon for an amazing and honnest blog.
It is amazing to read about your experiences Anon, what an incredible journey you have been on and what an amazing woman you are, to come from bi-polar and giving up to taking responsibility for your health and life, very inspiring. So lovely to read, ‘the real me – this beautiful woman who is just busting to be given permission to come out into the world.’
Thank you Anon for your honesty shared here. I can feel how taking responsibility and extra care for yourself has turned your life around. This is great read and I am sure will inspire many.
This is a very powerful blog and I am sure there are many, many people that can relate to it. I particularly like your realisation that seemed to be one of the important turning points, “So I might have been making better choices, but I was just ‘doing’ them to make things better rather than because I really felt I was worth it.” I find that once I start to understand myself and my choices, my life starts to make sense.
A very truthful and inspiring blog
Wow what a great sharing. I was just talking to someone about depression yesterday and this has brought a deeper sense of clarity to my understanding. Thank you Anon. I especially liked how you said bringing simplicity to your day’s activities allowed you the space to see more of what was really going on for you.
Thank you Anon, for a very powerful and inspiring account. I like your phrase ‘ It is true love to present the tough stuff’.
Thank you Anon for such an open account. How easy it can be to allow the internal dialog to take over yet you show how different choices can be made and the profound effect these have. Something many people could benefit from reading.
So profound. Your blog really helped me a lot today.
Thank you Anon for your honesty in this blog. I haven’t experienced the extremes of your previous way of being, but can still relate to how you were feeling. I love the combination of Conventional Medicine and Universal Medicine; the medication helping deal with the chemical imbalances and with the help of the Universal Medicine practitioners working together. Just wonderful, the bigger picture with true love.
This is brilliant Anon, I relate to all you say even though I have never been diagnosed with depression or bi-polar, but I have been aware of those sort of energies in myself.
Since meeting Universal Medicine, I started to take responsibility for how I was living day to day. Even this morning I awoke and discovered myself thinking and becoming anxious about my “got to do” list, and what you say is so true – It imprisons us like a net of expectations and failures which bring on blaming and critical thought about ourselves, and blame of everyone else.
You tell it so clearly that it is blindingly obvious, and I mean “blindingly” because it is what we find difficult to see and accept, the truth about how we choose and create it for ourselves. To have it brought to our attention in this way is so loving and supportive, thank you.
Thank you Anon, true love is presenting the “tough stuff” that allows us to look at our choices, so true. The love we have for ourselves is what we bring to others, I can feel the truth in that more clearly everyday.
Thank you Anon, I feel this is a great example of how allopathic medicine works beautifully with Esoteric Medicine. I too have suffered with mental health issues and when I considered that exhaustion, along with the choices I was making created situations which kept me in overwhelm, I began to gently keep my life very simple. Slowly, slowly I am now re-building my body in love.
Hello Anon, and thank you for sharing so honestly. I love how you didn’t exclude one side or the other but rather used your Doctor AND UniMed practitioner to get underneath what was happening, rather than just going in to get a “Fix” so you could function better.
This blog is great for anyone who obviously has been depressed in their life, but even so for people who may not necessarily have been diagnosed with a mental condition, but still have those “brutally low opinions” of themselves.
Thank You Anon for your in depth blog about depression and bi-polar.
Wow, pretty amazing to hear how you can come back from ‘my life was over and inside I really had died’, to knowing that you are indeed a beacon of light. Thank you for sharing your story, your truth shines out.
Thank you Anon…. “the internal voice that kept running me down”, I know that voice too and it is very destructive. I could relate to your blog on many levels, a powerful and much needed blog.
I agree Alison, I too know this voice and it’s destructive ways. Great to realise that we can make different choices and have more love in our lives.
Thank you Anon, very inspiring blog – a lot of people will benefit from your honesty.
An amazing eye opener. Thank you for this, Anon.
Thank you Anon, that was so helpful to read on so many levels.
Anon, your ability to hear truth and understand that what was missing was love is very inspiring.
Thank you Anon for your honest sharing. It’s very inspiring to read your story from what seemed like an impossible situation, but by being willing to make different choices and take responsibility, your courage, willingness to be honest and facing what can be very confronting and most of all choosing love for you… this is most inspiring as you show how it is possible.
Anon, I was going to say how amazing that was, but that wasn’t expressing in full. It was you opening your heart to you that felt so amazing. So many things you said rang in my ears. For me it’s my self talk to myself that can be destroying. And how a simple choice to claim love to me first, can change all that in an instant. Thank you for your honesty.
Thanks for a very valuable blog Anon. If more people who suffer from depression and bi-polar disorder could read this blog – and really hear what you are saying – it would change lives for the better, as it has yours.
And as so many suffer with depression Gayle you have expressed something very important here, getting articles such as these out in the world is very important indeed.
Yes Amina. I know of others who have a history of depression and bi-polar. This blog will be an inspiration to others and I will be sharing it on to my family and friends.
What a fantastic telling of return to your true self, Anon. I feel everyone can relate to your experiences whether they have suffered from depression and/or bipolar or not, and it was beautiful to see how everything changed once you became honest with your role in it. I especially liked the comment near the end about how you really have yourself to thank for making those loving choices to truly heal and expand.
Anon, thank you so much for your honest blog. What a truly amazing turnaround from the endless, hurtling downwards motion, to be able to take time for stillness and feel that. To choose stillness is such a simple thing, and yet not easy to be able to come back to. The key for me in what you have presented is ‘taking responsibility’. Someone was only sharing with me today the beautiful question, “What if responsibility equals joy?”, and for me that is the joy of freedom, the liberation from the tyranny of the never-ending talking mind and doing, doing, doing. I really appreciate that you have taken the time to put down all that you have experienced with this depression and bi-polar illness. It is invaluable!
Thank you Anon for this amazing blog. I enjoyed it so much. It was very confirming to me that I am always in control of how I feel and live my life based on the choices I make in every moment. I am still mastering this one. 😉
Anon, this is a lovely story, applicable to all of us… the healing power of love and true caring, and the willingness to stop and feel that love for ourselves first.. thanks for sharing this story.
This is beautiful Anon, your honesty and openness on sharing your personal experience with depression is commendable. Depression is such a common aliment in today’s society so I know you have offered much support to many people by sharing.
Very powerful and most inspiring story…
Great sharing Anon, one that can help many people.
Thank you for your honesty and sharing of the deep revelations you have come to about your life, Anon. I suspect many people have created chaos and overwhelm in some aspect of their lives and sabotaged themselves to varying degrees. I know I sure have. How lovely you now “can see past that part and see the real me – this beautiful woman who is just busting to be given permission to come out into the world”.
Anon, I was deeply touched by your depth of honesty. I have also found self responsibility one of most difficult changes to make in my own life. As you expressed we are responsible for our choices and when we embrace that we truly do have a choice, we can begin to live from a truer and more loving place within us.
Thank you Anon for the depth of your truth.