282 thoughts on “Breaking the Pattern of Abuse by Dealing with Childhood Sexual Abuse”

1. This blog is testimony that it is possible to let go of and heal anything, especially when we decide it no longer has a place in our lives.

2. It is possible and important to heal our hurts, and to let go of playing a ‘victim’, ‘It may sound strange, but I was so used to identifying with being a victim that there was a part of me that was holding onto it rather than releasing it and seeing it as a thing of the past.’

3. Thank you for sharing so openly, it is an important topic to look at. Reading through your blog I became more aware of what hurts might be in my family, what I might be carrying that my mother carried, and her mother, etc. It is very inspiring too the way you have faced your hurts and decided to heal them. I can feel there are more hurts there for me to look at and heal also.

4. Having been abused as a child I found that it was another level of healing or a true level of healing that was offered to me through what has been presented by Serge Benhayon over the last 16 years, that has removed all ill energy around sexual abuse; and the issues that have arisen because of that abuse have been Truly healed. And I can categorically say that for the last 4 years that the entire trauma associated with being sexually abused has been cleared from my body thanks to Serge Benhayon.

   1. Serge Benhayon’s level of integrity is way beyond anyone else I had previously met in this life, he is bringing the meaning of integrity to a whole new level, a much needed level.

   2. I can understand why anonymous is starting to feel safe around men after meeting Serge and Michael Benhayon, I would add Curtis Benhayon to the list. Serge Benhayon has supported me, by how he is, and lives, to start trusting in people.

      1. And there are also bucket loads of the Students of The Livingness who are in the same boat as the Benhayon’s.

5. “The same pattern continues down through generations because no one has chosen to break the pattern of abuse, and often the sadness and pain seem like too much to look at” – this is true, for a family, a work place, a nation, a race of beings. Until the true light gets brought in, we keep going and going in circles.

   1. So True Fumiyo, and part of the abuse is pointing the finger at others as this creates a judgment and continues the cycle of abuse!

6. Hurts hurt. No doubt about this. Yet, what we do with them? We decide that is worth holding onto it and, engage in a pattern of movement that confirms it; one that makes sure people can identify us by. It becomes an alibi to theme our life and to justify further self-hurts. Hurts pave the pave to more hurts.

   1. And we have life times of paving.

7. “I have now come to realise that keeping myself separate and not letting other people’s love in or letting my love out is what has hurt me the most.”
   Wow what a journey to come to the above statement – this quote comes from a wise women speaking – one that knows that true healing always comes from oneself and that love – letting it in and out is the key to getting us there.

8. It is very easy to feel like a victim and to live with a kind of victim mentality, as if the whole world is doing us wrong but when we get an opportunity to haul ourselves out of that and explore the energetic fact of what is truly going on, life feels very different.

9. Lifting and truly looking ‘under the carpet’ can be painful and challenging, however, with loving support it is the pathway to one’s Soul.

10. I find it important to come back to this blog to remind me how abuse can be intergenerational and cyclical so that those who are meant to love us and keep us safe are unable to keep us safe and validate the absolute wrong of what happened to the child. What you have chosen to address here will have a ripple effects in many lives and I am deeply inspired by that.

    1. As an adult, and understanding energy and how it can affect us and how when we take drugs or drink how it can completely change what we choose to do in any moment, I am able to understand the bigger picture that was at play back then.

11. And it is important to remember what may seem small to one, can be gigantic to another. We all have a different perspective and a different lesson to learn.

12. Past abuse does not have to define us as we have a choice to deal with our hurts and move on.

    1. We sure do, but like me, many of us like to stay in it, unconsciously so, because we get something out of being a victim and we can be identified by it. I am glad I gave that up!

13. This is such a healing for you and your mother, for you to claim how you were the victim and held onto your hurts and for your mother to feel how you hold her and do not blame her.

    1. Thank you Gill, I may just have to invite her to read the blog.

14. “I have now come to realise that keeping myself separate and not letting other people’s love in or letting my love out is what has hurt me the most.” At the baseline the greatest hurt is always the hurt we inflict upon ourselves.

15. I was thinking of this blog and how when I wrote it it took me a while before I could publish it and how I had many a session to support me to work through all the hurt. At the time, it was huge and how it owned me and had done for so many years. I look back, seeing that it was published back in 2013 and I really appreciate that I healed it so well that when I read the story now, it no longer triggers anything in me. It is complete and over and doesn’t affect me what so ever.

    1. That is amazing to read Anon. That is true healing and is true testament to the fact that that burying painful experiences does not work, it only perpetuates the hurt. To achieve resolution like you have requires being completely honest and truthful for as you say so eloquently, “If we bury it [the hurt], brush it under the carpet and pretend it’s not there, it just festers and rots and it does affect us in so many ways; in how we trust people (or don’t), and in how we are in all our relationships.”

    2. That is truly amazing and very inspiring, I know for me that things are still being triggered in me high shows me there are more hurts to heal. Like yourself I know it’s possible to be clear as in some issues they are completely gone now and I don’t get triggered. To be honest I have had an enormous amount of trauma in my past and sometimes I feel overwhelmed when more hurts and issues comes up, but your blog and comments have supported me to be more pragmatic about it and commit to more healing – thank you.

       On another note this is such an incredible process you have shared that you may want to consider writing about it on other websites and/or write a book, it is something humanity would benefit greatly from.

    3. This is truly inspiring to read how complete your healing is.

16. It is deeply inspiring to read your words. You are a living example that it is possible to heal our deepest hurts.

    1. Thank you Esther, it is good to be reminded as I forget that this was actually my past and my story that I held on to so tightly…. and now it feels like it was in a past life. It feels that way because I have let go of it and I am no longer caught up in it all. It feels great to appreciate this awesome fact!

       1. Yes, and it is exactly that which we learn in this world – that our experiences shape us and make us who we are. But this is not true. We are already before all that which happens to us, so that what happens to us is, lets say, a story we weave but it is not who we are in essence. And thus we can truly let go of it and yes, it is still something we have experienced or we could even say have explored but it is not a part of us, it is only something we held onto.

       2. Appreciating that we are not our issues is to lift the veil of the illusion in which we live.

       3. This letting go of your past hurts and being a victim cannot but have released you and given you so much more space and energy to start living again, fully, as you and not being drained by your own issues. Awesome, thank you for sharing your testimony that it is possible to let go of and heal anything, if and when we decide it no longer has a place in our lives.

17. What a very frank and honest account of sexual abuse and the relationship you have with your mother, Anonymous. It makes sense that by you dealing with your issues or bringing up the abuse, your mother has the opportunity to either look at her own abusive relationships or ignore and bury.

    1. Absolutely, and we all have a choice and we don’t actually have to be affected or react to anyone else’s choices. Whether we are affected or react is actually our choice.

18. Very beautiful to feel immense love in your words here. Just as much as your healing was made possible by reflection of true love, here you are reflecting how true healing is possible. This is enormous. Thank you.

    1. The way I see it Fumiyo, is once I work it out and get it, it is not mine to own but mine to share so each and everyone of us can get it too.

19. Sexual abuse of a child is atrocious. But just as damaging is the constant abuse we pile upon ourselves, blaming ourselves or choosing to remain stuck in the energy of being the victim to such abuse. Yet these roles are very much designed to keep us from feeling our own very innate divinity. Is this not a from of abuse that keeps that which has long passed alive and real in every day? That is until we decide to face the hurt we feel and as is shared above truly heal the lingering energy from our bodies.

    1. Keeping it alive and real and re living it over and over is abuse and is far more damaging than the abuse itself yet this part, we are fully responsible for.

       1. Yes, and that is a very interesting pattern we learn to live by, to take a hurt and not let it go but let it determine our entire life and all decisions thereafter. What if we learned and were encouraged to deeply appreciate all the truly beautiful things in life and the love and care we feel deep inside for ourselves and every other living being in this world – I am sure our lives would be all very different as the ugliness of this world would stand out more and more and we would accept it less and less.

       2. What if we learnt as young to confirm and appreciate ourselves rather than criticise and beat ourselves up. The more we love and care for ourselves, the more love and care we would then have for others.

20. Abuse is a horrible offense that also provides a theme to structure our entire life around. Although is not our intention, it is us who perpetuate it.

    1. I agree Eduardo, we actually set it up in some way so that we have an issue and something to be identified by in some way.

21. Thank you Doug. It is absolutely amazing the healing that I have chosen to do for myself and the ripple effect that this has now had on my mother. A miracle you could call it. Maybe one day she too will be able to write about it and share.

22. In so many ways we are going around and around with the same unresolved hurts generation after generation and it is coming to the time that we all need to realise that we can no longer ignore this fact.

    1. Yes, each one of us has to be responsible for our part and that then ripples on and supports others. We must not underestimate the power of what we can do for the whole.

23. Ah yes, but if you understand my mothers background and all the sexual abuse that she experienced and didn’t deal with, you can understand how she was unable to cope or support me with this one.

24. When we no longer want to live our life as a victim and no longer want to bury the issues, true change is possible and your sharing is an amazing testimonial of how you’ve allowed yourself to heal what has happened with you and with generations before you. You have openend up and now have the change to live your life and not a life filled with emotions of blaming others and of staying in the hurt of what others have done to you.

    1. True change is there for us all, no one has more of an opportunity than another. The only ingredients needed is the awareness that something is not right, the willingness to change and a whole lot of honesty and love for oneself while you process it all.

25. “I am no longer a victim” A beautiful freedom to be who you truly are.

26. That something so awful can truly be healed is a great tribute to the modalities that the writer used. Abuse is legion on this planet, and for those who had taken the steps to truly know themselves and to heal, they need to really let it be known what is now possible.

    1. And that is why I write, because I would love others to know what is available if they are open and want to heal, there is a way and it doesn’t cost thousands of dollars or is complicated or even painful.
       I have also found that there is a whole healing process in writing. When I wrote this, and many others that I have, it gave me the opportunity to process it all and work it out once more. Now when I read it, it feels very different. I don’t get emotional or sad or angry. It is just how it was and there is so much acceptance and understanding in my body and all is good.

27. The Benhayon family (especially the males) also restored my faith in men. I had escaped an attempted rape at age 12 and then been successfully raped at age 13, twice. At 14, I begun to date a man that was 24 and during sex I would just shut down and wait for it to be over, I thought sex was meant to be enjoyable and that there was something wrong with me. My theory was practice would fix me. A part of me was just going through the motions when it came to all my relationships with the opposite sex, until I was introduced to Universal Medicine and I met true men. Men that made me realise that I was hard in their tender presence. Men that had the touch of an angel and did not ever impose anything sexual onto me. Men that met you as equals and glorified your wisdom and beauty, whilst staying completely dedicated and faithful to their own stunning wives. Thank you for sharing your story so bravely, it’s an inspiration.

28. ‘…since meeting Serge and Michael Benhayon I have come to realise that there are some true gentle men in the world. Their high level of integrity, their supportive and non-invasive ways of communicating with me have given me a place to trust men again and to feel very much at ease in the presence of men…’.

    It’s super-important for women to have men in their lives who impose absolutely nothing on us – not an ounce of sexual energy in particular. We are immersed in a world which is saturated with it: even if we don’t have a physical experience of sexual abuse, we are encountering it every day at the energetic level, often struggling to deal with it or blocking our awareness of it in numerous and inventive ways – and sometimes even enjoining it. Feeling the respect that is so present in the Benhayon men is a truly healing gift for it demonstrates another way, one to which we will all return eventually.

    1. I walked past a building site yesterday and I could feel the sexually energy being directed at me. One of the guys said hello, and was friendly but underneath all that, I could feel more. You are right in saying we live in a world that is saturated with this. It is around us all the time even if we are not aware of it.

29. Great blog Anonymous, when we don’t openly talk about our experiences and let them have a hold over us, we actually separate ourselves from everyone else, and at the same time miss out on close relationships because we feel that it is safer to keep our distance, just in case…

    1. Yes and when we do open up and share, the big problem becomes just an experience of the past that no longer controls and dominates our life. My whole way of being and how I am with people has changed since I have healed this past hurt.

30. One of the saddest things in childhood is when we find out just how evil or even just inadequately behaving our parents can be in their actions. That can happen in a gross way through denying abuse or even acting in abuse and it can come out in smaller ways.

    1. Parents and non parents can all be abusive and it is sad when we discover this as a child, but it still hurts us when we feel this from people or from those we love and trust as adults.

31. I appreciate your courage to share you and your family’s abuse. It’s beautiful how open you are and the responsibility you are now choosing. What I find out being open with it all is people get to feel not only the flaws but more so your beauty. When your beauty is there to be seen it will be acknowledged. The key is to acknowledge this yourself to prevent any abuse.

    1. What I love about being open with others, is it allows them to be open too.

32. How great that you have broken this pattern for so many more than just yourself, ‘And so it appears the same pattern continues down through generations because no one has chosen to break the pattern of abuse, and often the sadness and pain seem like too much to look at.’ To take responsibility and heal our hurts is the way forward as you have shown in your life.

    1. Healing our hurts is the way the way to go, otherwise we are forever looking for ways to hide our feelings or to numb them so that we don’t have to feel them.

33. Inspiring sharing Anonymous, and yes it hurts when we are not listened to, believed, or understood, which brings me back to now bringing that deeper to myself.

    1. What I realise today is that it hurts even more when we don’t listen to what we know and feel and we override it to keep the peace or to please another.

34. Very healing to read Anonymous, thank you. Though we may feel we are justified in being a victim – for whatever reason – it is only when we take responsibility for our lives that we are empowered to move on – and you have done this – which is awesome and a great reflection for others too.

35. What you share is a new way forward when it comes to abuse. We can stay in a perpetual cycle of looking to outer for blame. No true healing can ever occur until we look at our own responsibility in the healing process.

    1. As I read your comment I realised that a lot of power and awesomeness comes when we heal and take responsibility of where we are at, so perhaps part of avoiding the healing, is avoiding our power. Now that I have gotten over that fear… and realise how sweet I am even in my power, there is no going back that is for sure!

       1. I hear you loud and clear Rosie, the more I feel my power, the more I feel the joy that comes when it is lived. No holding back now.

       2. Interesting is that when we feel that power and then we don’t live it, we also feel the massive effect it has on our body when we deny what we are here to bring!

36. We can feel hurt from one lifetime to the next so making the choice to heal our hurts not only clears our past but clears the way for our future too. A truly inspiring story – thank you for sharing.

    1. That is a good way to look at it Caroline. What ever we don’t deal with in this lifetime will still be with us in the next so I really appreciate that I won’t be carrying this issue with me.

37. While I understand the author is anonymous this is such a beautifully personal and powerful article on how to deal with things like these. The words in this article make so much sense and you can see how we strive to have others understand us, hear us or believe us and are hurt when this doesn’t happen. Yet this is something we can bring to ourselves so when we are faced with a situation like this again we can understand it more. It’s like when the same thing comes up, we speak and are not believed we go into proving or having the other person change and don’t often look back at ourselves also. Having been and still at times in this situation it’s always great to get it all out in the open rather then holding onto it like the author did for some 27 years from memory. It’s crazy what we carry and the time we do it for and this isn’t natural either, more a belief we are almost locked into. This article for me is a great road map for those looking to break the cycle of hurt they maybe in from the past. We carry things for that long that we believe they are us, when the truth of it is they are not, great article.

    1. Thank you Ray, I read this now and know this was not who I am and can see clearly how invested and lost I was to think that was who I was!
       I would have put my name to the article but had to respect my mothers wishes to not be identified. For me, I don’t mind as I have no shame about it at all.

       1. Like so many things in this life the more you are aware of the more you understand. Even without a name I can know understand this article and the people more deeply. There is no end though and the awareness and understanding we can feel and see always has a deeper level. I know there is a part of me that almost just wants to do what I need to to get it over the line and there is another part that can see that that is almost like a comfort thing, a feel better and not really heal. Unlike our author here who holds now none of the past experience as you can see, even after a long time carrying. Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and Michael Benhayon are truly making a difference to how we are in this world.

38. Hi Anonymous, I was listening yesterday to a radio talk back show on mental illness and how some of it can stem from abuse from our childhood and the feeling I got from what was being shared, that it was something that you could deal with and manage but not really truly heal from. And then I read this today and it was deeply inspiring, honest and incredibly courageous to read your story on how you have truly healed the abuse and the effects and am no longer the victim. It shows that there is another way, thank God for Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and all their healing modalities and practitioners.

    1. Thanks for sharing Sarah, I have noticed on Facebook and other areas lately that this is a hot topic and it seems almost that there needs to be a place to blame the mental health on… instead of looking a bit deeper. I just read an article on reincarnation and karma and that to me makes a whole lot more sense as to why we are abused in the first place or why we are born with or develop a mental health issue.

39. It’s so true that the greatest hurt of all is the one we inflict on ourselves by keeping ourselves separate from others. In doing so we are living in separation from ourselves too which is really agonising.

    1. Yes, and why are we not taught this as young children? It seems to me that it needs to be basic…as it is more important than learning how to spell or how to do sports etc.

40. Recently it’s been brought clearly to my awareness that abuse is not just the big incidents we typically think of. But it actually begins with the smaller things, the tone of voice, the intention we have, the manner we address or even the way that we touch. If any of this is done without true care for the other person and yourself, then already we are pursuing a course of harm. This in itself may sound extreme, but as you show Anonymous it actually makes so much sense as to how and when abuse turns up in our life, instead of as we usually think appearing just overnight. It begins and ends here with you and me, and the quality of energy we choose to let be.

    1. Beautifully said Joseph, and if we allow just a little abuse, just today because we have any need to be liked, or not to make a scene, we get numb too, and we allow a little more another day because we have done that in the past and at least no one is reacting. We have to speak up no matter what and even if it is just a bit of abuse, abuse is abuse and we don’t have to settle for any of that…no matter what.

41. What an incredible account of healing. What stands out for me is how you hold no blame or anger towards anyone. It must be a wonderful feeling to have healed such a traumatic event. This is very inspiring.

    1. Thanks, it really is awesome to not have this as an issue that I carry with me anymore.

42. What your sharing reminds me Anonymous, is it does not matter what happens in life, in every scenario we all have a choice, to accept, to read, and understand or stay stuck in the idea that something took place just ‘by chance’. The later cuts off any healing on offer and keeps us stuck in a prison of something that has long past.

    1. If it was by chance, we don’t have to be responsible …. and in that we miss the healing all together.

43. I wrote this blog 7 years ago and today I re read it and can appreciate how much my life has changed since I no longer am identified as an abuse victim. The way in which I can now relate to men is totally different and I am a lot more open to trusting and letting people get to know me. It is awesome when we heal old issues and don’t let them own us anymore! Now that is true freedom.

44. What a beautiful sharing Anonymous; I so very much appreciate, and am inspired by, your story, your wisdom and the self loving choices you have made.

45. Well done Anonymous – you have shown that it is absolutely possible to break the cycle of destruction that abuse creates. When one person stands up and accepts responsibility for the quality of their own life and knows that they deserve only love they remind us all that we can do the same. Thank you.

    1. Yes, breaking that cycle takes a lot of courage. It means we have to shift away from blame even though blame can be very satisfying, though never nourishing to being responsible, even when we are the victim.

46. Beautifully shared Anonymous. It is so clear to me that we only hurt ourselves when we choose to identify with being a victim. It is true that we have every right to be angry and sad but we also have the right to choose joy. I have never been able to get to joy by sweeping things under the carpet. When we allow ourselves to feel exactly how we are impacted and then let it go we set ourselves free.

    1. We only hurt ourselves if we stay in the victim mode and it is exhausting to hold onto anger, frustration and sadness. Carrying that load around with you all your life is heavy in more ways than weight.

47. It is rare for anyone to want to venture under the carpet to feel and address what lay beneath, so I love the raw and honest journey you have taken of responsibility and acceptance to step forward in life no longer being held back by what lay before…. and in doing so reflect to others, inspirationally so, another way of being that doesn’t involve being a victim not matter what has happened.

    1. Being a victim is a choice and many stay in it for whatever identification they can get, but it is still a choice.

48. This is a beautiful sharing that confirms we are never that far away from the love within our heart. We need only let down the walls we have erected to keep others out under the guise that these walls ‘keep us safe’, when really they are but a fortress to bury all our hurt in. Learning to dismantle these walls is a confronting process as in it we need to feel all that we felt, but did not want to feel, when erecting them. Once this is nominated, it can be released and once released, all that has owned us that is not of the great love that we are, dissolves in the light of who we truly are.

    1. This is such a powerful comment Liane. Love it. When we are in our power and connected, what is not love dissolves in the light of who we are. So true.

49. I have been avoiding reading this and other articles related to sexual abuse. I stopped this morning and as I read your article – with the incredible shift that you have been prepared to work through in your own life – I could feel why. It’s not that I have been sexually abused as a child at all, but I can feel how I have allowed myself to be treated as a women. I have had sex with people I didn’t want to and thought, Oh I’ll just get this over and done with. I now understand that abuse takes many forms and our experiences are there to show us that we always do have the opportunity to make new choices. Our mistakes are just that are are not for us to hold onto, but for us to learn, understand and then grow as people. So thank you I understand myself a little more deeply today.

    1. Your response is so honest… and I can relate and have had sex when I haven’t wanted to all just to be liked and in truth it never worked so it was abusive to myself and to the man because I wasn’t honest. So much we can change when we are honest and not caught up in emotions.

50. The enormity of the impact, the knock-on effect, that any form of abuse has upon generation after generation is clearly demonstrated in your story. Thank you for sharing your journey of how you took responsibility to open up ‘old wounds’, heal them and in so doing, break a lengthy cycle of abuse within your family.

    1. Thank you Tamara, in reading your comment, I can see how my choice to heal and deal with what was there has had an effect on many and I hadn’t quite fully appreciated that.

       1. Absolutely you will have changed the next generation of your family as the cycle of bury and deny is now over.

51. This is a beautiful story of healing and a great testimonial to Universal Medicine and the tremendous love and care they offer people, giving many the opportunity to let go of old hurts and have a fresh start, free from the emotional devastation they were in. What is offered by Serge Benhayon and his business Universal Medicine is of unfathomable value to humanity.

    1. It sure is, and Universal Medicine is available to anyone who wants to change, or needs support, no matter who you are, where you come from or what your story is. There is no judgement, just love.

       1. So true Rosie, I never felt judged by Universal Medicine practitioners, no matter what I presented to them, the only person judging was me, but I was even able to let that self-judgement go over time and accept and love myself a lot more.

       2. Yes letting go of the self judgement is a big thing, and the more we let go of judgement towards ourselves, the less we will judge others too. It starts with us first.

52. I totally agree when you say when you bury an issue it just festers and rots.

    That’s why quick fixes such as over eating, junk food or distractions can relieve the pain temporarily, however, it will need constant feeding of distractions to remain buried.

    Until such a point it can’t be buried any longer.

    1. and such points often errupt like a violent volcano only because we have let them build and build and build until it can no longer be hidden or numbed with this or that substance.

53. Very interesting how you share about the abuse in your family did happen from generation to generation again – like thread or a theme. Shows me how we are like on a rail going around – till one brings in a switch, a change that breaks the cycle we are circulating in.

    1. True Sandra. I come from a long line of alcohol and other abuses in various generations and threads of my family, but what i have come to feel is that with the awareness I have and the love for myself that I am living and deepening day by day, the abuse in my family stops with me. I have the power, and the responsibility to cut it and make sure it does not continue.

       1. Go for it sister! It all starts with us. We don’t need to blame, or wait for another, we can be the change, we can start today… no matter what our past holds.

54. I wasn’t sexually abused as a child but did experience other forms of abuse and have also chosen to be a victim and go into blame for most of my life. The thing is, it got in the way of every relationship I have had, it affected my work, how much I showed myself and kept the cycle of doubt and not good enough going round and round. Seeing the choices I had made and why, was like sun shining on a flower, I was able to stand up tall and blossom once again without believing there was anything that I needed to shrink for… this has and is a work in progress. My extremely serious look on life has changed phenomenally from meeting Serge Benhayon and all the Benhayon family and practitioners.

    1. Thanks for opening up and shining like a flower Aimee, I would love to hear more of your story. So many stories we all have, that are kept secret yet so many of us have them and when we share and discuss them it can be a healing for everyone.

55. I imagine there are a lot of people who have had horrific experiences and their only way to cope was to completely forget but like you say, their bodies would be holding the trauma from that and then their life is forever effected by it. It is great when there is support and a safe place to open up and work on these past traumas, no matter how big or small they are because they each affect us differently.

56. Ah yes, I do so appreciate that I worked through this and that I no longer carry this massive weight of baggage with me everyday. Now when I do think about it, which is rare other than when I read comments, I realise that this now seems like a thing from a past life.

57. “It may sound strange, but I was so used to identifying with being a victim that there was a part of me that was holding onto it rather than releasing it and seeing it as a thing of the past.” This is wonderfully honest and it is this honesty that supports us to let go of being a victim and allow ourselves to take responsibility for ourselves.

    1. Thank you Elizabeth, with honesty we can change anything but without it we are only trying to fool everyone, even ourselves.

58. This is deeply healing to read your journey. We all have been hurt growing up in one way or another. Not to diminish your experience of abuse, Anonymous. But to be inspired by it and the possibility to heal. Allowed to love and be loved. That our experiences does not define who we are. We are by far bigger and better. Well done in breaking the generations of abuse in your lineage. May you, your daughter and your future granddaughters be eternally blessed for it. As are all who you inspire with your reflections.

    1. Thank you Concetta, this is so beautifully said.

59. So beautiful and deeply healing to read Anonymous, thank you for sharing, especially this line – ‘I have now come to realise that keeping myself separate and not letting other people’s love in or letting my love out is what has hurt me the most.’ Very true and I am sure many of us have experienced this as I know I did for most of my life, thanks to Serge Benhayon who has consistently presented to heal what hurts us, my life has changed enormously since addressing the hurts in my own life and learning to let them go has been key to deepening my own love and to truly heal.

    1. The walls of protection we put up around ourselves are so harming and have the opposite effect – simply perpetuating the victim role and coping mechanisms. The healing that you have committed to is something to be shared at a grass roots level and yes – deep appreciation to Serge Benhayon for what he has brought to our awareness in this lifetime for us to choose – or not choose.

       1. All I can say is that it is a lot more comfortable and freeing in by body to not be in protection full time and because I have let go of that, I don’t use as much energy in holding my body like that all the time. My muscles are so much more relaxed than tense and in flight or fight mode. Huge difference.

60. Thank you anonymous for sharing such an intimate part of yourself and one which is inspiring to so many for different reasons. I have to agree with the fact that Serge, Michael and Curtis Benhayon are definitely men to meet to help restore trust and be able to see that true relationships with men are possible as well as showing that I am worthy of being respected as a woman and how to build that respect for myself.

61. When as a society are we going to collectively accept that far too often the ‘same pattern continues down through generations because no one has chosen to break the pattern of abuse’? And, when as a society are we going to collectively do something about this fact to together actively and honestly break the cycle of abuse that affects not only all of our relationships and behaviors, but our general health and wellbeing equally?

62. The has been so much horror in the world… so much abuse, that one could feel like just giving up on humanity… and yet there is the possibility, when we really choose to re-connect

    1. I know the feeling of wanting to give up on humanity, as in, what is the point but I have now felt the difference of what it feels like to re-connect, to commit rather than to give up, to trust rather than fear and to surrender rather than to try to control and it has been life changing.

63. You raise a truly important issue about our reactions to and our expectations of others. It’s all too easy to judge others for not being in line with our ideals or expectations about how a situation should, could or ought to be, instead of allowing them the free will that is theirs from which to choose their own responses to life.

    1. I know one thing for sure Cathy, is that when there are no expectations or impositions placed on me, I am able to respond really well whereas if there is an imposition or expectation, I do have the tendency to react in some way or other, and at times, it really hurts me to be expected to be a certain way or not because really, I just want to be understood and accepted for just the way I am.

64. I applaud your honest and open article anonymous, and your resolve in dealing with your hurts is an awesome example to others

    1. Thank you Joe, I wrote this article because I wanted to inspire others so that they too know that they don’t have to be a victim or be stuck in their hurts.

65. An amazing inspirational blog anonymous, thank you for sharing so openly and honestly about your experience. Your ability to heal and move on with life is incredible, allowing your heart to open. To allow yourself to trust people again is a step that will assist a deeper healing for yourself and for people close to you.

    1. This is an ongoing project, that changes each and every day. Some days I am more open than others and its great to have support from friends who don’t impose or need me to be anything, but allow me to develop and gain the trust in my own time. Its beautiful what can happen when there is no judgement and no expectations.

66. ‘I have now come to realise that keeping myself separate and not letting other people’s love in or letting my love out is what has hurt me the most’. The wisdom in what you share in this one sentence Anonymous is not only profound but absolutely true.

67. ‘It’s not that I no longer care, it’s more that I have realised that I can only be responsible for my part; in trying to save her, I was not allowing her to take full responsibility for her part.’ Taking full responsibility for our own lives is a challenging but an essential ingredient to the foundations of how we live our everyday and is a realisation that we ultimately will one day all make.

    1. Taking responsibility for our choices is not exactly what most want to hear especially when they are feeling super hurt by the situation before them. But indeed the way to heal ALL our ills is ultimately through living more responsibility and surrendering to simply being the Love we are

       1. This is so true Joshua, I have witnessed this and experienced this myself. Choosing to take responsibility, be totally honest and open to allow healing to take place is extremely empowering. It is definitely easier to choose this route than to stay stuck in our hurts and misery.

68. Dear Anonymous
    Thank you for openly sharing your experience which is very relatable to me as I have recently begun to deal with childhood abuse with the support of esoteric healing practitioners.
    I agree the deepest hurt is to have isolated and disconnected from myself.
    I love how you shared your relationship with your Mum, for I feel I have carried a similar pattern of hate, resentment and anger at my Mum for not being there for me to ensure I was safe. I now know I can let this go and allow understanding that she too was and had been treated the same way making it difficult to honestly see and hear what was truly going on for the pain and hurt it may raise in her.
    Deep appreciation from me too for Serge Benhayon, Michael Benhayon, and other esoteric practitioners such as Francisco Clara who as true gentle men I have had the opportunity to feel safely held with, allowing me to begin to honestly feel my hurts rather than continue to bury them and to bring a greater level of self-care into my life. As I do I am able to be more open in my relationships with others again.

    1. There is so much beautiful support within Universal Medicine, I am glad that you too are working through abuse issues as they do not need to control anyone’s lives anymore.

       1. Universal Medicine offers such amazing support, no judgment, no expectation and with this kind of support, life changing miracles occur and are just normal but really they are absolutely incredible.

69. Thank-you anonymous for giving us the opportunity to read your story. I can relate to a lot of what you have written. Learning to express honestly is key to understanding and being able to let go of those old hurts and reading your further comments since you first wrote this article in how you have chosen to accept and let go of more of those old patterns that held you prisoner for so long is truly inspiring.

70. ‘It’s not that I no longer care, it’s more that I have realised that I can only be responsible for my part; in trying to save her, I was not allowing her to take full responsibility for her part.’ Your story is hugely inspiring Anonymous in choosing to heal you have let go of the past and the way you shut down not just from men but also, no doubt, from women because when you needed her most your mother was not able to be there for you. That you have chosen to break the cycle of abuse will have huge impacts not just in your own family but also the wider community and deserves to be widely shared.

    1. These changes that I made a few years ago now have impacted my life and my relationships in many ways Helen. Its really amazing once you let go of one thing how it all just impacts on other areas of your life.

    2. Yes I agree Helen. The choice to break the cycle of abuse is courageous, extremely loving and worth celebrating for this impacts on us all. An awesome opportunity to appreciate the love that anonymous is choosing for herself and therefore for the community too.

71. Thank you for sharing Anonymous, the healing you have accomplished reaches far and wide to others – it’s incredible the layers of trauma we can let go of and completely change from being a victim to living the love we are.

72. Well that is the truth of it really isn’t it. We are all role models… the question to ask is what are we reflecting?

73. The biggest abuse we are all constantly involved in is the fact that women and men are not yet equal on this planet. In some countries baby girls are killed right after birth. Women are allowed to abort girls even after the legal time limit. Women are married to men they had not chosen themselves. Even the pay-gap between men and women is enormously spread all over the world for no reason. Why should women get less money for doing exactly the same work like men? Abuse happens not only physically but mentally and psychologically – in short energetically on many levels.

74. It is so true that if we bury and deny our childhood hurts they stay with us for ever, popping out and rearing their ugly heads at very inopportune moments. Your blog is an inspiration for us to ‘deal with our stuff” and get on with living a joyful loving life; serving both ourselves and others. Thank you Anonymous.

75. For me, what ever way of abuse is happening, it is not to convince the others – it is about claiming and staying true with the self – even if no one believes. The inner heart knows everything and there is a constant connection where we are held in love. It is on us to speak up the truth of this endless love and be responsible for ourselves first. Like treating ourselves as precious as babies.

    1. Yes, we need to start with treating ourselves as precious babies. We are worth the amount of love and care.

       1. And in my eyes this is the only way for me to be able to treat others with the same preciousness. It’s an in-and-out effect.

       2. Yes I agree, and the more we love and care for ourselves, the more love and care we can offer to another so in the end we all benefit hugely.

       3. Imagine if big business would be based on that truth. How doctors, who would live a healthy and aware life themselves, would inspire their patients even more to change their way of living. How we could all potentially be role models, reflections of love instead of reflecting: “it’s ok if you ruin yourself!”?

76. As a child I had the experience of being betrayed by the person that was nearest to me: And from that day on I could feel that this had hurt so much that I never ever trusted anyone so innocently again. I was always sure I would be betrayed again – and it happened ever after. Every relationship I was in – I got cheated on. And then I lived with the belief that people are not true in any way and that if they have a chance to get away with it, they will always cheat on others, because they do not take responsibility for their actions. And I had to put so much effort in going against my nature – which is an open, all-embracing endless love. That made me so hard that I started to believe it was the others’ ‘fault’ that I had hardened up. It is really hard to look back and have to admit that it has been my choice. That it was a way I thought I could protect myself from being hurt in that way again – BUT in fact I re-enacted the same “drama” over and over again – to get a chance to one day see, observe and let go. That truth I am able to claim just as you described – because I was introduced back to the true way of living – my truth. Reclaiming the love I am and taking responsibility for my choices.

    1. It really is hard to look back and take responsibility for the choices we have made and stop the drama and the blame but it is harder and hurts more to stay in it and not change the patterns of behaviour.

       1. Very true what you are saying. This is something I can only say I need to appreciate from my body, not my head. The consistency of me allowing my body to feel and make the choices will assist me to overcome the belief that I have to protect myself. Just “knowing” it is not enough. I can feel that I have to listen to my body to live this truth to change the conditions I have created.

       2. Very good point Christina. I wanted to reply to your comment below but there was no reply button. We really have to live it in our bodies to be able to to make the changes and feel it. Just knowing is never enough.

77. Anonymous thank you for sharing with such honesty how abuse plays out in our lives, and over many generations. Your commitment to healing this long held hurt and changing the family dynamic is truly inspiring.

78. It is so great to see that healing from abuse is possible, not just coping strategies or a victim in ‘survivor’ mode managing their shattered life as best they can, one small trigger away from their inner turmoil and grief. This is rather a deep true healing so that the abuse and trauma is no longer held inside, and the person connects to feel who they truly are underneath, discarding and letting go of all that is not them. This article shows that it is possible.

    1. It is so possible and it feels great to be living proof of the fact. I often think, if I can do it, so can others and that is why I wrote this article to share and inspire.

       1. And that’s exactly what your writing has shown me Anon – that it is possible. Throughout my life I’ve thought that the only way forward to heal an issue was to have the other party acknowledge their part in it. It’s powerful when we understand that that’s not the case and clearly as you’re showing here if we deal with our part in it rather than remain the victim it doesn’t matter what others choose to do and therefore we are not reliant on what another may or may not do in order for us to heal. Thank you.

       2. In response to Deborah, I really see how we set each other free when we deal with our part because, a) we heal our hurts but b) because we no longer hold the other in a grudge, or to ransom. We let them be and this is massive in itself because on some level, they feel it all and they already know and probably beat themselves up enough as it is, even if they may seem like they are not aware or that they even care.

79. There is so much vileness in the world, from people simply not being able to be themselves, their true divine selves, and it takes a true beacon of light like Universal Medicine to restore humanity to its graceful and true path of return

80. Sweeping our hurts under the carpet…. How can we expect what is accumulating underneath to not to seep through or any lumpy bits not to be felt from the top? I agree Anonymous ‘it is never easy to lift up the carpet so to speak’ but it does get to a stage where what is hidden underneath cannot be ignored for any longer and must be cleared away.

81. An amazing journey that you have shared with us all Anonymous. What you share reveals so clearly that those generational patterns of life times of abuse can be broken/halted. By making the decision to be honest, feeling the hurts and taking responsibility for all life’s choices and not going into the blame game (which is what so often happens) burying so deeply those past hurts/sadness. It is no coincidence that Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon has come into our lives for me the true healing began when I attended my first ever presentation. Like many before. (with ever increasing numbers now)

82. Our journey through our lives is never always easy as our lives are riddled with patterns and lessons playing out in the game of life. These patterns and lessons are simply apart of life that we all need to deal with and clear just as you have anonymous and my guess is continue to do in your everyday living. Great blog.

    1. Yes I agree Suse and what I now understand is that these patterns are part of my karma and a result of choices that I have made in the past, which makes me want to be even more present and aware of the choices I make today.

       1. Absolutely Rosie whilst working on healing past issues the awareness we now have thanks to Universal Medicine allows us to make different choices now.

83. Thank you for sharing your experience Anonymous. It is inspiring to feel that with a willingness to heal our hurts, all that does not serve us can be let go of, as you stand testimony of.

84. A very powerful blog and story of returning to yourself. While the sexual abuse side of things has not been my experience, I can totally relate to the way a pattern of behaviour can be handed down from father to son. There are many things I can see in myself that repeat patterns from my Dad, and his Dad too. It takes a much greater awareness, and some awesome role models (cue the Benhayon men who constantly inspire me) to help break the cycles and return to the love I know is deep inside me… and then I get the opportunity to reflect that back up the line. How cool is that!

    1. I agree simonwilliams8, the Benhayon men are a great inspiration and are awesome role models.

85. Thank you, anonymous. Your express so honestly. How you have taken responsibility to deal with your hurt is just amazing. You have reminded me that true healing is not just about removing what doesn’t belong, but reclaiming and live what does belong.

86. Wow. What I felt was so empowering in reading your blog is that we are not the hurts we identify ourself with. I was so held onto the idea of begin a victim – and it took a long time to realise this was an excuse to not take responsibility for myself, my life and my commitment to it. That is not an easy thing to say in today’s society – we go into so much sympathy for ourselves and for each other’s hardships. Thank you for providing the space and taking the journey to realise that life is about choices, the main one being coming back to expressing and being the love we really are and not all the other stuff we allowed to get in the way and block that incredible expression of us!

    1. Its great what you are sharing here Gina – that by holding onto the ideal of being a victim it not only stops you from being responsible for yourself and your life it also completely caps your potential, a potential that is infinite and equally within us all.

87. The teachings of Universal Medicine are opening the doors we have shut where there are hurts we have hidden. To be told that after no matter how long the hurts have been deep within ourselves, that we are not broken and we can release things that are not truly us… the healing begins.

88. Your ability to accept, feel, and deal with your hurts shows a strength that is truly inspirational. The words that I will take away with me today, because I so needed to hear, are: “What other people decide is their choice and I cannot control that. I can only be responsible for my choices and how I am with me”. Thank you.

    1. Self responsibility is the key. And letting go of any control is so freeing not only for ourselves but also for others as we then give them the space, without any imposition to take responsibility for themselves.

       1. Taking responsibility for our choices and allowing others the grace to do this too – truly the way forward.

89. Thank you for sharing your story, I can feel how beautiful it is to be able to heal such a big hurt.

90. This blog offers great inspiration to many people who think that there issues are too big to deal with.
    You have showed one of the worst things that could happen to you as a child and now with support and clarity on the road to healing these issues.

    1. I agree Luke – its a huge subject to tackle, yet I do not feel any victim in Anonymous in the blog. Simply that she has been on a difficult journey and can feel the power returned to her in full.

       1. Agree Simonwilliams8… we are very fortunate to have someone written such experiences and sharing it with other people. As I have already said… very inspiration.

91. What a power-full and moving blog thank you for sharing so honestly and openly. By breaking the pattern of abuse you have healed and let go of something that has affected your life and relationships with others. What you have healed is so supportive and inspiring for others caught in being a victim and can see no way through. What you offer another is how to begin to truly love and care for ourselves and how this supports us to heal any deep hurt that is holding us back.

92. In this era we have the opportunity to talk about things that we never talked about, to express in a way that has never been expressed, it is possible now to bring about such deep healings within ourselves, that we really can clear the pathway to a true and profound connection with our inner selves, which is by its very nature a pathway to the divine

    1. This is true cjames2012, these days it easier to open up and share and to speak about old wounds and express. I have found that in the expressing of them, that the healing begins. When I expose them and no longer keep them hidden within they no longer hurt me as they have done so before.

93. I felt to read this again tonight and it came to me strongly just how powerful and life changing it is when we make loving choices and this is what you have so courageously done, Anonymous. Every moment is an opportunity to make a choice whether it be loving or not- this is a game changer in our lives.

    1. Choices really are a game changer. Choices can be as powerful as we wish to make them.

94. Thank you Anonymous for sharing so honestly your story, I can relate to some of what you have experienced, and the long process of working through those hurts, it is so empowering to come to the realisation that we need not be that victim any more.

95. Dear Anon- I love and appreciate the honesty in what you have shared. You are an amazing woman -your commitment to healing yourself is a testament to this.

96. Thank you so much Anonymous for your honest blog. It is very inspiring to read how you chose to be not a victim anymore. You are now a real role model and your blog can help others to feel that it is possible to live a life without being a victim.

97. Thank you for sharing. The more you live the love you are and choose love for yourself the more it will hold a presence in your life. Claiming ‘you’ is a Beautiful reflection for your daughter and your mother. Thank you for your honesty and courage.

98. A very powerful blog – thank you for sharing. It is very inspiring to feel and read that it is possible to heal and let go of the deepest of hurts with honesty and true support, care and love – as is offered by Universal Medicine practitioners. And that it is possible to break the patterns of abuse that have been payed forward through generations. You have shown us that by choosing strength and courage through choosing love we are the ones that can break this cycle and make this change, for all, for our future.

    1. Thank you Carola. We are all the ones who can break this cycle, you, me and everyone else if we want to.

99. As a male who was sexually abused at 8, I can relate to this blog. At the resent Sacred Esoteric Healing Level 2 (during childhood imprints), I came to a realisation that a hurt that I held was not me. Therefore, all I had to do was to let go of the blame of another and open up to love all equally, male and female. There have been many layers of releasing what were held as old patterns and ideals from my past. This has allowed me to evolve to love!

    1. It is great that you were able to heal and let go of the past with the support of the amazing healing course Sacred Esoteric Healing level 2.

       1. Absolutely, the support that I receive from Universal Medicine healing courses that are presented by Serge Benhayon is invaluable.

    2. Esoteric Healing and Connective Tissue Therapy have helped me release abuse issues that I still held in my body. You are right gregbarnes888 not until we let go of the blame are we able to let love in and let love out.

       1. Absolutely Ilja, I agree, until Universal Medicine there were no true answers that helped me deal with the abuse. When I understood that everything is energy and therefore everything is because of energy as presented by Serge Benhayon, and became aware of my role without any guilt or blame towards others or myself, true healing started. This is the way all healing will be in the future, with the understanding that Universal Medicine is complementary to Conventional Medicine, which means we will all benefit!

       2. I just read your comment and was wondering do we go into blame so to avoid feeling the hurt and to avoid taking responsibility? If so, it really doesn’t work because in fact it keeps you in a sad self inflicted prison.

100. Thank you Anonymous for sharing your story. I gained some valuable insight into your lived experience of sexual abuse and trauma which will support me in understanding the lived experience of others.

     1. Having an understanding changes everything!

101. It is well known that abuse carries through the generations, but rarely do we hear of someone breaking that cycle by actually healing it from their body and being free of it. Your blog showed me one thing very clearly. We have a choice – to hang onto what hurt us in the past or we can heal that for ourselves and bring a deeper understanding to the whole situation. Thank you so much for sharing.

     1. Thanks, but really it is Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon who are to be thanked, as it is with their support and their teachings that I have been able to make the choice and share my story here. It is awesome to not have to carry the weight of this with me anymore.

102. Anonymous, this blog is huge, thank you for sharing this.

103. Thank you for sharing so beautifully what you have learned and healed, this was a true honour and a blessing to read.

104. Thanks Victoria, I do feel a blog on Sacred Movement brewing up inside me, and I have been inspired by some I found recently on this link: http://www.esotericwomenshealth.com/blog/category/sacred-movement

105. Dear Anonymous, thank you for this truly candid and amazing blog. Undoubtedly, there is so much more to your story, and what you have experienced in your life.
     In no way at all does it ‘sound strange’ that you realised you had identified yourself as a victim – what you have shared here is deeply empowering for every one of us, in that, even if this is what we think we are, we are never given ‘victimhood’ as a life sentence. It is possible to step out of it.
     The support you have received from Serge Benhayon, Michael Benhayon and Universal Medicine is the support every one of us deserves – to be met in full for who we are, the pain supported to let go, with the knowing that it never was really who you were.
     I would love to hear more of how things are for you now, some two years since this blog was published. Thank-you deeply for sharing.

     1. Hi Victoria, thanks for your comment. Since writing this, I have seen how I have used being a victim in many different areas of my life as a way to give up, or as a way of identification. It is amazing when you start to be aware of one thing in one part of life, how it starts to show up in many other areas too.
        I had not visited this blog for a long time, and recently I came back, re read it and read all the comments. What was very awesome for me, was the fact that it was like I was reading someone else’s story. There was no sadness, no emotion or anything and I felt so free of this whole part of my life, which I had held onto for so so long.
        I have to thank Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon for the support with all of my healing, but the other modality which has really made a difference in my life today is the Sacred Movement as presented by Natalie Benhayon. It has enabled me to reconnect to a part of me I wasn’t even aware existed and I feel like a strong powerful woman today rather than a victim of childhood sexual abuse.

        1. Thank you for sharing this Anonymous, and how absolutely remarkable, that you could revisit your story without being drawn back into it. I have had similar experiences in my life – where it is only in revisiting something that I’ve truly come to know that I have healed the hurt, and healed the pain that once I thought would at least to some degree, gnaw away at me forever…
           It is particularly since coming to the work of Universal Medicine, that such true healing and indeed miracles have been possible – and I credit this to the most amazing support in deepening awareness of myself and how I have played (& play) things out in my life (or lives…), alongside the Esoteric Modalities, that have supported myself and my body to truly let go of the pain I held within. And I couldn’t agree with you more about Sacred Movement – it is an enormous part of changing how I feel as a woman in my body today. That you are finding this also, particularly as someone who suffered sexual abuse, deserves to be shared far and wide – another blog on the power of Sacred Movement please Anon.! Go for it… with love, Victoria

        2. I loved seeing this comment 2 years on Anonymous and to read how you no longer have any emotional reaction around your experiences. This is what is so awesome about the work of Universal Medicine, that such issues can clear completely from your body and that you are supported with great love and care to empower yourself to be all that you are as a beautiful, solid and strong woman.

106. I can really relate to what you say here in the comments about trust and letting go of the abuse in the body, creating spaciousness and letting the love in and out.

107. Lack of trust in others may come in various colours and shapes. Sexual abuse is perhaps the more extreme one. Learning that you are on your own and feeling how terrible is the fact that no one protects you is a life shaping experience. That is why your sharing of the extent to which Michael and Serge Benhayon were able to help you to change page and move forward is so inspiring!! Thank you!!!

     1. What I have found really helpful in all of this, is to just start to build trust with a few people, and as that grows and I feel more comfortable with people in general, I have been able to open that up to trusting more people around me. Learning to trust does not happen over night, and allowing myself to slowly develop this with no pressure to get anywhere has been the key.

108. Touching and healing blog of trust and one that shows your great level of responsibility in no longer burying the abuse but speaking up to clear it from the body to create more space for the expression of love, felt here through word. What I got from this, was that when we step in to save a person, we are not truly helping because we are removing their own personal responsibility that’s needed for them to evolve themselves out of the issue that is holding them back in life.

     1. When we step in to save someone we are not just removing their responsibility, but we are stealing their opportunity to take a different road, to make a different choice and we are controlling rather than just accepting and understanding.

        Zofia, I also love what you wrote about speaking up to clear the abuse from the body to create more space for the expression of love. I am a living example of this. Sometimes I am in absolute awe of how much more love I am allowing myself to express these days. At times it shocks me as I had played the hard and cold game for so long but I am so glad those days are gone. Without the abuse in my body, there is so much more space for the love to radiate.

     2. This is so true Zofia; that when we try to save someone we are actually not helping them at all; in fact we are harming them by taking the responsibility for their own lives away from them, thus not allowing them the opportunity to look at their life, to learn and to grow.

109. It’s very touching and powerful to read this blog again and feel the enormous commitment to truly letting go of hurts that incarcerate us and that we then pass on from one generation to the next. And I can absolutely relate and agree with what you share Anonymous about Serge Benhayon and Michael Benhayon. These two men, along with Curtis Benhayon, have let me see how deeply tender and caring men naturally can be, and how honouring men can indeed be with all the women they meet. Knowing these amazing men has let me trust men again as well as be super discerning about someone’s integrity and the type of energy I allow around me and don’t allow.

     1. I agree with you Katerina, I feel that knowing and watching these men in particular over the last 5 years has been so healing for me as they have shown me that there are amazing men in the world that I can trust dearly. Building my trust is great as I no longer have this particular tension in my body with me 24/7 every time I am around men and in fact I have been meeting more and more true gentle men.

110. I feel a lot of sadness reading this blog. It is very courageous and it might be great to deal with that sadness. It is amazing what you have overcome and you have done really well.

111. It took me a while to no longer identify with the hurt, to be able to seeing the victim in me as part of the past. There’s still moments when it tries to fight back his place in me. I can feel very sad and angry then, but with the support of loving people around me I get a true reflection to reconnect to and come back to me. To take a step back and look at the hurt, accept the feeling that it is there and move on. A few years ago this had kept me in constant circles without any evolving. Thank you very much, anonymous, for your open words and the chance to get a reflection. Much appreciation from me to you*

112. Thank you for sharing your story It’s amazing to hear you speak of the victim side and how being identified by it has actually held you back from healing, there is so much for others to hear how you were able to let go of the pain of being abused

113. Thank you for your courage and honesty. Your very open sharing will undoubtedly be a true healing for many others. It’s quite beautiful how you have very lovingly chosen not to let your past define you, to keep hold of you. Very inspiring.

114. A great testimony:
     – to how it is possible to let go of one´s identification with one´s history, hurts and
     behaviours and to open up to love again.
     – to the integrity of Serge and Michael Benhayon, as men as well as practitioners.
     – to the healing modalities and courses provided by Universal Medicine.
     – to free will and that we always have a choice.

     1. I would add another there: – to honesty in expression.

115. How amazing to have healed this trauma and to have released that victim role. This would be a powerful blog for all victims of sexual abuse to read. Very inspirational and thank you for sharing.

116. Thank you for sharing such a personal experience with us.

117. Anonymous reading your article about the way you have chosen love and understanding rather then blame and hurt is amazing.
     ‘I have now come to realise that keeping myself separate and not letting other people’s love in or letting my love out is what has hurt me the most.’
     You have chosen to be responsible for your life. This is so powerful and deeply inspiring. Thank you.

118. Thank you again for sharing, what struck me this time was how you said: “I have now come to realise that keeping myself separate and not letting other people’s love in or letting my love out is what has hurt me the most.” I know this all too well myself. When I find myself hurt I tend to cut people off and then felt the disconnection to everyone, myself included and so feel even worse.

119. A very honest and inspiring blog. Thank you for sharing this miracle with us.

120. Thank you for your honest and inspiring blog. I also received and continue to receive very deep healing around my issues with men through the deep love, integrity, gentleness and support given by Serge, Michael and Curtis Benhayon. To know such beautiful gentle men has allowed me to let go of the anger and pain of abuse that I had held on to for many years.

     1. Yes, and for me as that has healed, I have been able to trust people more and more.

121. Past childhood sexual abuse is often something kept very private or “hush hush”, so it’s a healing experience for everyone to read such an open and honest account. There can be shame attached to experiencing childhood sexual abuse, but this should not be the case. As a society we really need this level of openness to understand and support community members and also to put a spotlight on the people committing abuse. Regardless of past events and the understanding we can all have for your mother, when a parent knowingly allows the sexual abuse of a child and/or does not support a child when the truth is spoken about it, then there is something gravely wrong. Childhood sexual abuse is quite despicable, yet this should mean that we don’t shun it in any form, but in fact face it more directly and bring it more thoroughly out in the open. This is something we need to do as a whole society.

     1. I have so much more understanding for my mother today, and if I had kept it hush hush I would never be able to get to where I am today, where this is absolutely no issue to me at all. I don’t feel sad about it and in fact, when coming back and reading all the comments, I realise how important it is for anyone who has had an experience similar to this, to express and no longer bury. No more hush hush.

122. This blog is so deeply honest and inspiring. The courage shown to address the hurts of abuse and take responsibility is breathtakingly beautiful, a true way forward for people who have experienced any form of abuse.

123. ‘The memory can stay with us, but it won’t be like a splinter in our foot, hurting us every time we take a step’. Anonymous has shown us very clearly that there is a way to move forward and not be trapped by what has hurt us. We have a choice, to stay as a victim, to blame and perhaps withdraw, or not, and to be able to participate fully in life and to begin to open up to love again. Anonymous has written about awful abuse, but her story is relevant also to the smaller day to day hurts or injustices that we keep hold of.

     1. So true Catherine,it does not matter how small or big our hurt is, we are the ones who choose to hold to it, carry it through life with us, or let it go.
        There is however a difference between letting things go and burying them. For me, I buried everything before I was inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.

        1. That is right Tony. I have experienced that myself. I thought I had dealt with a certain issue only to find it years later and realise that it still really hurt and that all I had done was bury it really well, leave it to fester, and shut it out.
           Time does not heal wounds, getting honest and not burying the hurt does.

        2. I didn’t so much bury everything, it was more that I thought I had dealt with quite a few things and that the other issues were there to stay and part of life – how wrong that was, fortunately! It is amazing what is possible with love, responsibility and commitment.

124. Dear Anonymous, I can feel that writing your story in itself has been a healing for you. Being able to read it has been a healing for me. As you say, “It is never easy to lift up the carpet, so to speak, and look at all the mess we left under there, but when we make the time to feel the hurt, get honest and take responsibility for our part in it as well as being more accepting of where others were at, then we create a space and an opportunity to move on from that hurt. The memory can stay with us, but it won’t be like a splinter in our foot, hurting us every time we take a step.” I walked for many years with that splinter in my foot, feeling the pain of burying my abuse so deeply that I did not even know (remember) that I had been abused. I salute you for not only having the courage to look under the carpet but for sharing what you found underneath it as well. I too am so grateful to Serge Benhayon and the Universal Medicine practitioners who have been there to support me in working through my old issues and in their subtly gentle, loving ways showing me a way to begin letting love back in and letting my love out.

     1. Its great brigittevans, that you can share so openly here that you, like the writer, walked for years with that splinter in your foot. It is amazing that you could bury your abuse to the point that you didn’t remember that it had happened. It just exposes what we can do and the extremes we will go to, in order for us to not feel.

125. Thank you for sharing your experience on healing sexual assault and emotional abuse. As I ponder now on your blog I can feel how sexual abuse particularly to children is a sure way for them to live a life time being ‘small’, in daily heart ache and withdrawal from humanity. It is in this regard, your blog shows the workings of a true miracle unfolding before our eyes. To be able to return to love as you have done and to let people in once again after this childhood experience is a miracle. How beautiful that you do not need to feel small and unworthy from what happened, and that you have set yourself free to be the powerful and amazing person that you always were.

     1. Thank you Maree, it is great today to be able to trust people again, and to not judge every situation with the fear of my past.

126. After reading your story, you really can say that anyone has the potential to feel their hurts and heal. For you to have experienced what you have, made choices to take responsibility for them, heal and move on, is truly inspiring.

127. A truly loving experience for me to read your story – thank you. I work with a lot of women who experience childhood sexual abuse and they invariably say that the one thing they wanted was for a parent to have believed them and protected them. Sadly, this often doesn’t happen. It is inspiring how you have had the courage to take this a step further and taken responsibility for your own healing. The world is richer for your efforts.

128. Thank you for sharing and showing the potential to heal and turn around our lives, especially when we get to the point of – “I have now come to realise that keeping myself separate and not letting other people’s love in or letting my love out is what has hurt me the most”. I have found this hard to accept at times as I not wanted to admit or take responsibility for this choice as it has felt easier to blame others. After meeting Universal Medicine I am learning that letting love out, and in, is the only way for me.

129. I can relate to your blog Anonymous, spending a lot of time focussing on what is not, identifying with it, took me around and around in circles. It is a different world focussing on who I am and deepening that. Thanks.

130. This is an amazing blog that could potentially heal thousands of abuse victims.

131. This is really powerful, it has made me reflect on how easy and comfortable it is to stay in a state of blame rather than take responsibility ourselves. Your blog is very inspiring. Thanks you.

132. Thank you for sharing your story A. and showing all those who suffered abuse that there IS a way to heal and truly let go of what we have experienced.

133. I could feel and see that you have well and truly broken and healed a very old pattern of not dealing with abuse. I can relate with what you have said here “It is never easy to lift up the carpet, so to speak, and look at all the mess we left under there, but when we make the time to feel the hurt, get honest and take responsibility for our part in it as well as being more accepting of where others were at, then we create a space and an opportunity to move on from that hurt.” This is inspiring and so true. It is good to know you do not accept abuse anymore but know you are worthy of Love.

134. To go through the abuse at such a young age is not easy to accept and move on from, but to know that your mother was not able to support you at this time must have been very painful. It is very inspiring to read how you are healing this with the support of Serge and Michael Benhayon, and through their reflection you are able to feel comfortable around men again.

     1. These days I have a lot more understanding for my mother and I don’t blame her anymore. She had a lot of hurts that she did not know how to deal with and therefore there was a lot she didn’t want to see because it triggered her own unresolved issues.

135. Abuse of any kind causes deep hurts and the fact that you are so willing to explore that and express it as those hurts are dealt with, truly is a testament to yourself and to Serge and Michael Benhayon of course, as well as those supporting you. For calling out the evil behind those hurts, and looking it straight in the eye, is the ultimate way to really let go of them and move on. So easy it is to cover it up, ignore it, even pretend it didn’t happen, but the truth is abuse is all around us, all the time and like you, we need to get good at saying “hey! That is not ok…” Great blog.

     1. Hi Phill, I have often thought that the easy way out was to cover up my hurts or bury them, but I have recently discovered that that is not the case. It takes a lot of energy to bury and to keep the lie or the hurt covered up and it is like a splinter that forever hurts until you dig it out and heal it. Once dealt with, there is no more pain and nothing to bury.

136. After reading this article, I felt it is really amazing that you could come to a place where you now can have a trusting relationship with men after working with Michael and Serge Benhayon. Also, to be able to break that cycle of abuse that you could have easily continued is really a massive service to future generations as it stops the abuse that could have affected hundreds of people at the least when you consider that only one victim who is walking around with the rage, bitterness, frustration, resentment, etc. for the rest of their life has a ripple affect on everyone they meet in that harmful emotion.

     1. Thank you michaelgoodhar36, I love how you write about the ripple effect.
        Whether we deal with our issues or not, we have a ripple effect so it just shows me how important it is that I have dealt with this hurt that I carried with me for 24 years or so and the responsibility I have to continue to not bury any hurts. It makes me realise that its not just about me and my emotions, but the effect I have on everyone if I don’t.

137. Wow Anonymous, it is amazing to read of your experience and what incredible changes you have made in your life, very inspiring that you have healed this long held issue. It’s great to read ‘ I’m no longer a victim’ as I have witnessed it is very easy to identify with being a victim and stay in this, so truly inspiring that you have chosen to not do this.

138. The transformation and healing you describe is really inspiring, thank you for sharing. I can understand how meeting Serge and Michael Benhayon has supported you to now trust men again.

139. I feel a very important part of your blog, Anonymous, is when you say you no longer chose to be a victim, or stay in the sadness any more. I have met many women who have been abused in childhood and still cling onto self pity and blame, and recently heard of a help group for abused women which encouraged them rage against their abuser, and even all men. This feels so self abusive as it distorts the situation and does not give room for healing, but keeps the “victim” in their trapped state. But to heal as you have done through the teachings of Serge Benhayon and the sessions with Esoteric Practitioners, needs to be shared and brought to the notice of all the people in the world who have been abused. Thank you for speaking out and claiming your truth.

     1. The only reason I held onto the hurt, was I was identified by it. It made me who I was and I didn’t know there was another way, until coming across the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom as presented by Serge Benhayon. With those teachings, and being super honest, I have turned my life around and I can feel how small I was living life by holding onto those things in the past that were not me, but an event that happened because on some level I had made choices. Even for the worst times, there was still a part of me that in some awful way had said Yes to that.

140. Thank you for sharing your experiences and journey with such honesty and openness. I really connected with your commitment and courage to take responsibility for what you can change and your ability to make choices in life. I really connected to “It feels to me that I have had this same experience over and over, in different ways, where I find myself in a situation where I know I am speaking the truth, but I am confronted with the sad fact that I am not believed.”

     I have felt this is different situations and I have in the past felt very hurt and frustrated by this lack of acknowledgement and belief in what I had to say. It is has been an interesting experience, learning to accept that all I have to do is speak the truth as I feel it and even if it has not been accepted or acknowledged at least I have expressed it. It feels great now to do this without falling into ‘rage’ as you described it, or lack of self worth, but learning to let people be and not have expectations. Expression is everything. Thank you for sharing and expressing, very much appreciated.

     1. I agree Samantha, it always feels so good when we express our truth, even if others do not want to accept it or even acknowledge it. We can only be responsible for our part.

141. Anonymous, your blog is inspiring, honest and absolute. It touched me to hear your story and your courage in stopping and addressing your hurts and building and embracing your love – that nothing less than love would do. To feel how you moved from victim to loving you without any blame is a miracle and thank you for sharing it. And to feel your tenderness shining out is just lovely.

142. Dear Anonymous thank you for such an honnest, clear and non-judmental piece of writing. What I am feeling at the moment is that you have broken the mould of sex abuse in your family lineage. You are the one who is starting a new way in your family : anything less than love is unacceptable.

     1. It’s great when we can identify issues in our family lineage and make changes to not follow the same pattern.

143. Anonymous, your openness and honesty in all you have been through as a young person from not really having anyone to turn to for help; opening your heart and allowing love to flourish again, you are an inspiration to all.
     Wherever you are, may your love always shine through.

144. This is a really honest and open sharing with no blame, but simply delivers how, with loving support and understanding the deep hurt of abuse can be healed. It is inspiring to read that with a commitment to yourself and accepting and allowing love again this is possible. Having experienced abuse myself I absolutely agree with “I have now come to realise that keeping myself separate and not letting other people’s love in or letting my love out is what has hurt me the most.” Thank you.

145. Anonymous, a stand out sentence for everyone ‘I have now come to realise that keeping myself separate and not letting other people’s love in or letting my love out is what has hurt me the most.’ I appreciate the depth of your honesty, thank you.

     1. What you have shared is a miracle. It’s an inspiration to the countless many who have also experienced abuse in their lives. As you say, the experience can never be erased, but accepting and dealing with the hurt can allow love back into your life. Thank you for sharing.

146. Thank you for sharing – what struck me most is when you said: ‘my mother said she could not remember a thing and also said that it had never happened’.
     So too often people who are either the abusers or witness to the abuse will deny it, not because they did not know it was going on but because they have tried so hard to bury it – for themselves it did not happen.
     It is inspirational that through seeing Michael Benhayon and attending presentations by Serge Benhayon you have now empowered yourself, irrespective of what another may say, confirm or deny. And yes it is lovely to be open to and feel the tenderness in men again – I as a man used to get intimidated by some men, especially taller bigger ones, and would hide my tenderness and sensitivity – now they get inspired by me to show more of their tender loving side.

     Both Serge, Michael and Curtis Benhayon have been a huge inspiration for this, constantly confirming by the way they are living that it is not only Ok to live tenderly, lovingly and honouring of your body – it is in fact a true joy.

147. I love this blog. It has so much here that I relate to. Each time I read it I feel inspired and it is beautiful to read all the comments as it shows how much one person expressing can have an effect on so many. We all do make a difference.

148. I can feel in your words that there is acceptance and love, and no self-judgement or judgement of others. It’s beautiful to feel how a lifetime of feelings of sadness and hurt is changing so dramatically. You show that it is possible to move on from past issues and deal with past hurts – whatever they may be, and to do so in a way that is not judgemental but is caring and gently accepting. Thank you for sharing such a tender and loving blog!

149. Thank you so very much for this beautiful article, and bringing to light just how patterns of behaviour are kept in play generation after generation. But most of all thank you for making the choices to break that pattern for yourself, and raise your daughter without the weight of that abuse in her life. That is a gift to us all.

150. Your article, reminds of me that we are never truly lost, no matter what happens to us and the choice to stay with the past hurt is our choice. Thank you for sharing this wisdom.

     1. Beautifully expressed Joel.

     2. Well said Joel – an inspiration to not sit and dwell in the past hurts but roll up our sleeves and get stuck in so that we can return to the precious gorgeousness that is there inside us all just waiting to be enjoyed.

151. Thank you for your powerful sharing. I particularly found it inspiring that you can now trust men and feel comfortable in their presence thanks to the support and safety that you experienced with Serge and Michael Benhayon.

152. I am deeply moved by your sharing and your story deeply resonates in me… with such grace and beauty, I can feel the choice you made for true healing and saying goodbye to the victim, that so holds us back, and that you are able to open up to others and allow them in… and being supported by gentle loving men who hold the upmost respect and integrity. Beautiful, big thank you.

153. Thanks for sharing your experiences. Your writing is heartfelt.

154. Thanks for sharing this story so honestly. I resonate with what you say about the healing of the sessions and talks from Universal Medicine. I too found that counselling was useful in helping to deal with childhood trauma but Universal Medicine has given me a real sense of self-acceptance, moving on and healing back to wholeness.

155. While reading this article it occurred to me that if those who commit sexual or physical abuse knew the devastating affect their actions can have on others for many years, decades or even a lifetime, then perhaps, just perhaps, they may reconsider their actions.

     We need to teach our children by example that anything less than love is unacceptable… and through examples like this revealing article, clearly show what the potential consequences of irresponsibility and abuse can be.

     1. Rod what a great insight. Reading Anonymous’s story I got what a devastating impact sexual abuse has and completely agree that we are responsible to teach our children by example that anything less than love is not acceptable and for us to point out the harm and devastation any irresponsible action creates.

156. I loved reading your article, and in hearing how you gradually opened up more and more to healing the sexual abuse you experienced. It must have been challenging at times, but the fact that you were able to put the past behind you and in particular have opened up to men again is very inspiring.

     1. I agree Brendan, the honesty and commitment to heal expressed in this blog is inspiring and very humbling.

157. Anonymous what you have written and achieved within yourself is very power-full, I feel very inspired, there is no need to hide and bury our hurts, it is to our and everyone else’s benefit that we discuss, feel and sit with our hurts so they can heal and no longer be a thorn in our side. I only hope that people struggling with childhood abuse get to read this so they to can start the journey of reclaiming themselves in the loveliness they are. Thank you so much for sharing all you have.

     1. I agree Toni, it is super power-full. There has been such a healing that has taken place that it also offers this to all those who read it. I love what you wrote here anonymous “…I was so used to identifying with being a victim that there was a part of me that was holding onto it rather than releasing it and seeing it as a thing of the past.” It is amazing what we choose to hold onto and the effort it takes to not be or see ourselves as who we truly are. Thank you.

158. Anonymous, the tears welled up in me as I read your tender, love-filled article. I’ll be reading it again and again. Thank you for your commitment to you, to love, to what is true and to speaking up. You’re an amazing inspiration. Thank you.

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