I recently came to a realisation about the different ways I express myself with friends, family and people I meet for the first time.
The different way of expressing myself with friends compared to how I express myself with others feels like it came about as a way to offload some of the pain I was feeling in my relationships within my family. Often when I spoke to a close friend about what was happening within my family situation I would look for and gain sympathy, as we would also compare notes about how our parents treated us.
When I expressed myself to friends there was a feeling of familiarity – but it was different to how I expressed myself in my family. Talking with friends there was more equality, but the same lack of honesty. I would use my friends as a sounding board when blaming my family for my woes where I became the ‘victim’ who “had so much to put up with”.
There was so much blaming as I did not take any responsibility for my part in what was going on. Here I perceived I was creating another identity and also a connection to the friend who would also be berating their family.
Engaging in this way was far from being true to myself. I felt a deep urge to make a connection but didn’t know how to do it, and instead I reverted to an old pattern that seemed familiar. In desperation for the connection, instead of taking time and feeling into what was really hurting me, I would look outside of myself in a critical and judgmental way and choose a subject that would bring up common ground for both of us.
I was not ready to be honest about what was really going on in my family: I was going into denial and protecting myself by diverting attention away from the truth.
I came to a point in my life where everything appeared to come to a halt and I felt forced to take a deep look at how I was living my life.
I began having sessions with an Esoteric Healing Practitioner who reflected to me a new way of expressing – with clarity and love, but without the sympathy I was looking for and found when I confided in friends. I found this directness challenging at first until I was willing to open up and start being honest, both with myself and others.
The time spent in the sessions gave me a space in my life where it felt safe to be open and honest, and gradually and very slowly I started to be this way with others.
I have started meeting people at Universal Medicine workshops and events who like me, are learning to take responsibility for their lives and the way they live them. I am learning to express myself in a simple, clear honest way that truly represents who I am inside and who is not afraid of letting other people see my awesomeness. I am not perfect but this does not take away from the fact that I am a beauty-full, power-full and a play-full human being.
When I am in my fullness – in that I am not holding myself back – I am allowing the world to see me fully. Expressing from this place is much more freeing as I allow that tender, precious and play-full ‘me’ to explore and experience the world in a whole new way. In being able to see me fully, others can feel a sense of the fact that I am not hiding any part of myself or my life from them. I am not holding back and guarding myself and consequently others do not have to guess what it is I am feeling and thinking.
In doing so we can relax and be ourselves and have a great time. It feels as though I have wasted a lot of time not being myself!
These changes were inspired by the support of Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and all the amazing esoteric practitioners.
By Susan Lee, Hadleigh, England
Related Reading:
Communicating with, and Talking to People – No longer Calibrating my Expression
When we realise that we behave in one way with one person and another way with another person, we can ask ourselves a few questions such as (1) who are we really and which one of those is the real us, if indeed either of them is…, and (2) why do we play a game of roles rather than just being who we are?
It’s no wonder that we do not trust one another when we cannot trust ourselves sufficiently to be totally transparent with everyone.
I too have been know to seek sympathy and wanted another to feel sorry for me – but this is actually a very disempowering process as I have learned. What I have learned is that in seeking sympathy we are simply wanting to wallow in the situation and not see our part in it – in other words we are not wanting to take any responsibility for the situation and instead are disempowering ourselves completely and then playing the victim. But there can only be a victim when one chooses to play the victim. These are not easy words to hear, because it is asking us to look deeply at the situation and be willing to see how we have contributed to it – I too have been challenged by this, but each and every time that I hold a willingness to explore and understand this more, I am astounded by the simple truth than unfolds and the liberating or freeing experience within which is well worth the initial discomfort of what was felt.
Being honest with ourselves is the beginning of understanding our innate inner beauty.
Thank you Susan for your sharing – I too can relate to not bringing an honesty and openness to relationships and hence wanting to blame others for how I feel and how things are in the relationship. I feel this is actually a toxic way of living in relationships, but one we often stay in until such time that (a) we get a reflection from someone else that there is a different way to be, and (b) we are ready and willing to make the steps that can be challenging but allow for a true change to occur and hence let go of something we were getting out of the toxic way of being. This of course is a process and does not happen over-night.
What if we were always born into the same group and we had parents who were once our children and this merry-go-round continues until we decide to get off and take responsibility for the issues we are to learn this life and thus start our evolution back to being Soul-full and not attached to the spiritual being who thinks it is running the show.
‘By blaming we give our power away to an outside source ‘, and we become trapped in being a victim.
Its very perverse that we hold on tightly with controlling our lives as a way to survive and yet as soon as something goes wrong we relinquish our sense of responsibility and hand our power over to an outside source.
Yes, Elizabeth, and it feels horrible when we do this, so I am expressing my truth more and more.
And reflecting on both your comments I am questioning why we would want to express anything less than our truth when our truth reflects the very essence that we all innately are and is the core of our beingness.
“. It feels as though I have wasted a lot of time not being myself!” I’m sure you’re not the only one who feels this! But how great we can now choose to live our best life!
And now choose to live in our fullness, ‘When I am in my fullness – in that I am not holding myself back – I am allowing the world to see me fully.’
And how awesome it will be when the whole of humanity is experiencing this same level of ‘being’ and not getting limited by the ‘doing’.
Energetically responsibility takes us to the realms of understanding we are more than just this physical vessel and thus our sacredness becomes a responsibility for everything.
Honouring our vehicle of expression is the most loving way we can live – to live in harmony with ourselves and those around us is indeed a blessing to be honoured and lived.
“I have wasted a lot of time not being myself!” And in doing so we lose touch with who we are in trying to be different things with different people. Reconnecting to who we innately are is beautiful and simple.
Anything that we ‘try’ to be is not coming from our essence – with our essence there is no trying simply being.
Once we establish a steady and settled foundation within, connected to Soul, there is no variation in our movements and way we relate to others. Movements of the Soul are one and unified.
I deeply appreciate the depth of stillness that you are bringing through Kehinde – truth expressed in this way is beyond doubt and absolute, and cuts through all the ideals and beliefs that we may have taken on.
When we look for sympathy in confiding in close friends, we are not really after any true change or healing, we want our choice and the resultant positioning to be justified and cemented, so that ‘there’s nothing I can do’ and avoid looking at the responsibility we are resisting to accept. What hurts us most is us holding our love back. We want it to be because of whoever, but love or not love is a choice that only we can make for ourselves.
Your words have allowed me to feel that there is still work to do, and for this I am not surprised as there are always new levels of transparency that we can unfold on our path of return to soul. The greatest journey that man can undertake.
So true Fumiyo. Even when confronted by a major disease, so many don’t really want to hear truth or make significant changes in their lifestyle. Its easier ina strange way to continue wanting sympathy and blaming God or others, As you say, ‘love is a choice that only we can make for ourselves’.
The choice of love is a choice of responsibility to evolve and one that nurtures us. Blaming is only about negating who we truly are.
‘What hurts us most is us holding our love back.’ We are here to express love.
Expressing the love that we are is enriching the whole of humanity.
” I am learning to express myself in a simple, clear honest way that truly represents who I am inside and who is not afraid of letting other people see my awesomeness.” Beautiful to read Susan – go you! I too have been learning to express more. When at boarding school I did express but was told countless times I wasn’t feeling what I in fact was. So I learned to go quiet and kept everything within, as no one was willing to truly listen and support me. No counselling for kids in those days. Coming to Universal Medicine was like a breath of fresh air. My life has changed and I am expressing more fully nowadays.
And it is with true wonderment that I realise that this expansion of our deep inner knowingness of ourselves is something that has no end – the joy that we feel in our lives when we are free of the outer inhibitions is like a prisoner breaking loose of chains. Each day brings a new beginning ad infinitum.
Thanks Susan for your honesty and openness. Our expression could really be a subject at school, something that is given respect to, as well as recognised as essential for our wellbeing, being able to express ourselves honestly and authentically.
Well said Melinda, and the real question here is why is it that we learn so young to deny this honesty and authentic expression – as babies we all come in with honest expressions, there are no falsities or roles then, but as we grow we learn to take on a different way of being which serves no one in the end.
It feels to me that there is something here at work that is the absolute opposite of the Divine Love that we all innately are.
“The time spent in the sessions gave me a space in my life where it felt safe to be open and honest, and gradually and very slowly I started to be this way with others.”
Amazing what the Esoteric modalities can do, we are truly blessed to have them in our lives.
The Esoteric modalities are to be truly appreciated and with this we deepen our relationships, nurturing them to go forever deeper.
I feel we are taught from young not to express our true feelings but to hide them so as not to upset another. We put on so many layers of veneer that the truth of who we truly are gets smothered and harder to access. The courses and workshops of Universal Medicine supported me over time to break through the false veneer to reveal a truly glorious graceful me and not the Bull let loose in the China shop after all.
I agree Mary – when I recall the ‘false veneer’ that was my expression for so long it brings a feeling of revulsion and this is what others were most likely feeling – as you say it feels the complete opposite of the ‘truly glorious graceful me’ that now greets the world. We are now walking in our true power thanks to Universal Medicine.
Absolutely. It is quite shocking to feel the amount of expression that is generally held back for fear of garnering a negative reaction. Through the support of Universal Medicine I have also learned to self appreciate so much more and to understand the power of true expression that comes from the heart and body not from reaction. In this steadiness I am learning to handle any reaction that may come my way without taking it personally.
I so agree Mary. We hide our feelings and parents and teachers don’t want to know because they probably haven’t dealt wit their feelings around the same issues. So they numb off and as little ones we pick up on energy so easily we learn not to upset the applecart. Unpeeling the layers to return to our essence doesn’t happen overnight – well not for me – as I have had over sixty years of burying. But the unpeeling process is ongoing and I am so appreciative of all that Serge Benhayon has brought through in this era.
Learning to ‘not to upset the applecart’ is an expression that has been learnt by so many of us – much the same as ‘anything for a quiet life’. What we eventually realise is that this life is not so quiet but a seething mass of unresolved hurts that over shadow the innately beautiful, delicate creatures that we are in our essence.
“When I am in my fullness – in that I am not holding myself back – I am allowing the world to see me fully. Expressing from this place is much more freeing as I allow that tender, precious and play-full ‘me’ to explore and experience the world in a whole new way” Beautiful. When we are in our fullness, open and transparent we relate to the world in a different way and it and people relate back completely differently too. Magic!
And supremely simple.
Looking back over my life and I can feel the many times I have complicated things by not expressing myself in full and creating issues where there need not be any. The amazing thing is that the times when I truly and fully express all of me, life is actually very simple and easy and has a flow that allows me to glide seamlessly from one thing to another, no effort no trying, so to me it makes sense to keep expressing in full because life is so much more enriching.
‘The amazing thing is that the times when I truly and fully express all of me, life is actually very simple and easy and has a flow that allows me to glide seamlessly from one thing to another, no effort no trying, so to me it makes sense to keep expressing in full because life is so much more enriching.’ Having read your beautiful comment Alison it is perplexing that we would choose any other way? We have indeed so much to learn and unfold as we take steps to re-imprint and yet what a joyful path is ahead of us.
So true Elizabeth – we are indeed magnificent and truly glorious.
“Often when I spoke to a close friend about what was happening within my family situation I would look for and gain sympathy, as we would also compare notes about how our parents treated us”. I can relate to this pattern and have really been noticing it in recent times. Its incredible how well we can pick who to talk to so they will sympathise and not challenge our current view of the family.
I found it was great to have to begin to have the awareness of how I manipulated people and life so that I could avoid feeling the truth. What complicated lives we have created?
And that is true joy when we live in a way where we are complete within ourselves.
Often we learn to express in a way that gives permission for the other person to confirm the mess we have put ourselves in rather than expressing honestly and openly so that with the help of another we can not only nominate that which binds us, but also ultimately take responsibility for it so we can then let it go.
Expression without honesty is simply an empty vessel making a lot of noise.
Blaming others for our own pain will never get us anywhere. The only true answer is to look within and change what we need to within ourselves.
Blame is like an insidious worm that burrows away at our self worth.
Blaming others means we are avoiding taking responsibility for the part we play in the current scenario. Choices, choices……
It is interesting to see how many times we have been presented with these choices and to feel how many times we may have avoided answering them or if we maybe have been choosing half truths in order to accept the full responsibility required that we are being offered and hence the evolution.
‘Expression is Everything’, I didn’t quite understand what this saying meant until I began to take steps to no longer hold back and to express more. A work in progress but I am amazed how the more I commit to express and expand my expression how much more energy and vitality I feel in my body. Expression has been a game changer for me and supported my overall health and well-being enormously, the best medicine I have ever had.
Feeling the true purpose of connection ignites a spark in our soul.
There have been many times in “my life where everything appeared to come to a halt and I felt forced to take a deep look at how I was living my life.”. Some of these stop moments were not pleasant and often the message was simply lost in the desire to ‘get better’ and get back on with life, without changing anything about the way I was living. I can see so clearly nowadays that these moments are absolute gifts, offering me the opportunity to take an honest look at life and then make some changes that are more self-loving than the ones I had actually been making.
Thank you for your beautiful comment – it brought back to me how much I have changed in that I now do really appreciate these stop moments and all they offer. I still need to be reminded of this at times as those moments can feel a little overwhelming at the time but once I return to a connection within I can feel the true depth of the foundation I have built.
Beautiful sharing both Ingrid and Susan, stop moments are certainly blessings when we choose to see them in that light.
Taking your time to feel helps what it is you need to say.
What I find with expression is that when my primary concern is myself – that is when I often alter my expression around different people, but when my focus switches to the bigger picture and what’s at play then my expression becomes much more evened out and much more true to who I am.
Super interesting to look at how, what and why we communicate, and what this reveals about where we’re at: are we expressing what we truly feel, expanding and deepening our relationships, or burying what we can feel and withdrawing, or not wanting to feel at all, by engaging others in a conversation that has no purpose? Expression has a purpose: to deepen our relationship with ourselves and one another; through expressing ever deeper levels of love, and what feels true.
I guess this is very familiar for most people, there is so much of this blaming energy going around in conversations where we try to find supporters for our interpretation of what has happened, so we can sit back and pretend we did not have a part in it. I know for myself I did this a lot but nowadays when I tend to go in this dishonest way of talking, I can feel in my body how awful and harming it is, although tempting. I choose to stop myself and be honest instead. There are always two to tango!
We are so used to drenching ourselves and others in sympathy we neglect to see that it does nothing to evolve either party. But the moment you stop being sympathetic and use true understanding instead, you will often be criticised for being ‘heartless’. This is an ironic situation because sympathy does not come from the heart but from a force that seeks to reduce the expression of the true love and care that comes from our innermost self. What this reveals is the vibrational arrangement we can fall into with others where neither party wishes to expose the poison they are in because there is something we are getting from being in it and this is usually a form of identification or recognition.
I can really relate to a whole new level of expression one where we are equal in expression at all times, not only back in certain areas or acting a particular way in another – simply being us in full. It has however taken me a while to understand who I actually am, the layers of unme smothered me from head to toe.
Susan what you have written here would pretty much strike a chord with everyone. Growing up with our friends we develop a way of being that is different than the way we are with our parents, and then when with our parents we revert to the behaviour they are familiar with. But what it shows is that we are not ourselves in either of these scenarios.
It does feel horrible the way most of us speak about and to our parents or family compared with how we speak with friends. I see that many people felt unloved, controlled, used etc by their parents and in reaction speak with friends for relief and as justification to not deal with what hurt from our childhood.
When we don’t truly honour those in our life we are denying the joy of being open and spacious and allowing a flow of love to enter our relationships.
I love how you have expressed your unfolding, small steps without thinking you need to change everything instantly. It is amazing what is possible when we make small steps and what unfolds is often far greater than we could ever have imagined when we took the 1st step.
Yes, so true James – as we begin to realise our true power we can let go of everything that is not truly us. As we let go of each burden that we have held onto we can feel our step lighten and each step we take brings us closer to living as one and in brotherhood, feeling and appreciating the quality that we each can bring. Why would we want to live any other way?
Indeed it makes no sense to live any less than the love we innately are, yet by hanging onto the past we easily can. The more we see our past ill choices as not originating from us the more we can let go of the self condemnation and self judgement and return back the love we are.
In retrospect the amazing thing is that we would make any other choice other than ‘to live any less than the love we innately are’.
Very true Susan.
You get to realise how much of a created illusion our stresses and woes are when you take the space to surrender deeply into yourself and your body. You then see that all the still and steadiness was always there within you.
As we surrender to our stillness and steadiness the need to be anything other than ourselves dissipates and we become whole again.
Oh my Susan It does feel like many of us have wasted an awful lot of time not being ourselves, awesome you clocked it and changed it.
When we are truly ourselves with others we can not but light the whole world.
Talking is part of our movements. What is that moves us is a relevant question to ask and bring our talk into the equation.
The more we express our truth the less we allow the enabling of lies.
It appears that so many of us “have wasted a lot of time not being” ourselves, in fact spending so much time and energy trying to be someone society believes we should be. How exhausting is that? Very exhausting as I know too well. Whereas letting down our guards, our walls of protection, and letting people in is a most wonderful way of reclaiming the true and glorious beings we naturally are.
I am realising that as I allow greater space for being with me time has a way of adjusting to my new rhythm. I am gradually ‘reclaiming the true and glorious being’ that I naturally am.
We have all heard of the chameleon who changes their colour and tone depending on their environment… it sounds so clever and alluring, yet when we do that for a lifetime can we remember who we started out as? And equally why not just stay as you are, and express the wisdom that is unique to us offering the world our angle…
I have found it very powerful to be able to express what is true and loving and to know how to do that. The combination is very strong.
I love how you describe it as a day by day process – who knows what is possible or what we may discover if we constantly take small steps forward.
Serge Benhayon inspires people to come out of their shells and be an active part of society, knowing they contribute and are valuable. Its life changing for many.
True, we just don’t realise how important and how vital our role is when it comes to how we contribute to the world around us, both in our closer families and communities and on a much bigger global scale.
Serge Benhayon sure does inspire people Heather. He has brought me out of my shell as well and shown me how we can be in society and everyday life without feeling we need to withdraw or escape from it.
Serge brings an understanding of how to live life with greater depth and purpose – and with this you come alive and no longer want to hide away from the world.
Very true Susan, no more withdrawing from life because through understanding we get a sense of purpose and aliveness which I never felt before. I used to think the world was against me rather than seeing my part to play.
When we are looking for sympathy, which, by the way, never satisfies and leaves us hankering for more of the same, we become dishonest and mainly exaggerate or paint things a certain way that suits our agenda. Sympathy is no substitute for connection – the real deal and what fulfils us, no lies, so-called white lies and backstabbing required.
Sympathy is a certain vibration we seek to halt our evolution and so we can spend more time in the delay we have created by living in a way that does not honour the truth of who we are.
Sympathy is a way to relate that is empty and often comes with a need for identification that feeds emotion and a false sense of love.
Why making differences in the way we express depending of the person or the situation? Susan is very beautiful what you shared here because show us how we can be ourselves all the time with everyone equally, with no trying, no need of sympathy or anything but the truth that presents to us in any given moment. Thank you
And we can feel the truth within ourselves as we explore living in a way that is transparent and intimate ‘with no trying, no need of sympathy or anything but the truth that presents to us in any given moment.’ That is true freedom and comes from within our inner heart where only truth resides.
So often to express the truth brings up an uncomfortable feeling for others as it brings with it the truth of what we all can be offered if we choose to make love our first call of expression.
And yet there are also times when you can feel the space that has been allowed by holding true to the truth expressed without imposition.
‘In doing so we can relax and be ourselves and have a great time. It feels as though I have wasted a lot of time not being myself!’
We don’t want to do any more of that.. for sure, nothing is worse than neglecting who you are by denying your truth and power (love).
So true Danna – ‘nothing is worse than neglecting who you are by denying your truth and power (love).’ – we are far too precious to negate all that we are and besides that humanity so desperately needs the reflection of truth and power to bring us back to brotherhood and true love.
There is a deep beauty and simplicity in that all we need to do in life is to return to our true self, and we have each other in reflection to support us.
So often we do that, in my case it actually dominates my day. The being nice, and trying to say the right thing in order to please people – we’re taught this from the moment we can speak to say thank you and sorry just because it’s “polite” – how horrible is it that we do that to children!
And it seems that we only learn the consequences of this abuse as adults – I know for me it was when someone commented on how often I said sorry – until that moment it felt as though I was totally unaware.
And that is the beauty when we allow ourselves to be supportive of each other, then we are reigniting an awareness in one another that one has been slumbering in before.
Through being a student of The Way of The Livingness I am deepening my ability and awareness to express myself with one voice, one identity, wherever and with who ever.
Truly opening up and being ourselves, and expressing that to others, without relying on go-to small talk topics of conversation, niceness or politeness, can only happen if we’re prepared to truly open up and be honest with ourselves and what we’re feeling, first. If we’re constantly looking to define ourselves by how another responds to us, we are constantly at the mercy of how they are – whether they’re in a good mood, like us or don’t like us.. a game that sets us up to fall down over and over again, until we learn that only we can build our foundations and know who we are, by looking within, building a connection to what we can feel, and being honest about it.
You speak so wisely Bryony, I find it so difficult to drop the small talk conversations because often when I try to I feel super uncomfortable. The thoughts of “what are they thinking of me”, “why am I feeling tension” creep in and I start a meaningless conversation about the weather, what we’re wearing or something else that brings no evolution to anybody.
I can understand what you mean here Viktoria – I do still go to small talk but what is beautiful is that my awareness of relying on something meaningless is not dominating my conversation any more.
Living our lives looking for constant confirmation from the outside, from others, has a consequence of lessening the trust in who we truly are and what we in fact innately know. As you say so wisely, Bryony, it is only us who ‘can build our foundations’ for life and to be strong and steady we need to build them from the inside out, from the wisdom and the power we hold within.
Its amazing when we meet like hearted people, Universal Medicine has enabled many of us to connect in ways we would never have thought possible. I know through Universal Medicine I have made such life changing friendships, friendships that go on for ever, friendships that are evolutionary, and friendship that are all about healing.
Beautiful Susan, expanding our love for humanity by loving ourselves and coming back to our connection with our divine inner-impulse.
I love your honesty Susan. Do we think we love certain people because we can offload our frustrations on them and get sympathy in return to confirm our right to be frustrated?
Or more generally, are we at times tempted to consider what is in reality an arrangement to be love?
Or is it that we choose these people because they hold back in sharing the harm that goes with these behaviours?
Susan, you are so correct in saying that we waste so much time in not being ourselves. The thing is if we are not ourselves then who are we? What is driving us to not be present in our own bodies? These questions are definitely worth pondering on.
The world so needs all of our expression when that expression comes from our fullness. We each bring a different perspective and when we work together in that way it is magical.
When we are connected to our essence we soon realise that this quality of love and truth, is with us wherever we are, as such it is impossible to really compartmentalise life, and think that we need to be different in one place or another, with one person or another. It is far more real, liberating and inspiring for all to be ourselves and share this quality with everywhere we are.
You’re right in saying that not being ourselves is a waste of time, it’s the same as not giving life 100%, or not saying what needs to be said, or doing what needs to be done – we seem to be super casual about wasting time, but what actually are we wasting and what is possible if we stop wasting so much time?
And when we are wasting time, what are we allowing in the gap… what behaviour, actions and energy can play out while we are not fully ourselves?
I’ve just recently been realising how in my relationships with friends and family and work colleagues I have an arrangement going on. It might be quite subtle but it is there and as you say comes with the flavour of familiarity which we then perceive as closeness or being connected.
I appreciate what you shared here Aimee and have been experiencing a similar thing going on for me, especially in my work relationships where due to some challenging situations going on there, a group of us can sometimes drop into feeling a false sense of connection via the sharing of complaints or judgements of others abusive and corrupt behaviour. Although these things may be occurring, looking for sympathy or agreement from others of our actions is not really getting to a true connection and understanding of the underlying lessons that are there to be learned by reflection.
Well outed and beautifully said Michael, it is still a form of separation from each other having different camps we sit in. I know it well too, it’s almost like a convenient excuse to do or say this or that because someone has wronged us. Bringing understanding and getting underneath as you said, stops us from reacting and also offers others a different way to be when office politics or family dynamics arise.
I love what you have both shared, Aimee and Michael, as you have exposed clearly how out of sympathy we develop relationships that we believe are based on intimacy but are not.
Reading this, what I can feel is how we might form a friendship when we find we share a commonality – a hobby, a value, an issue, an enemy, and how the kind of conversations we might have in those relationships can sometimes be repetitive, and basically filled with the circulation energy, and we may feel ‘confirmed’ when the other just agrees, symphathise and never challenges, but it actually is downright retarding. Expressing truth is an offering and responsibility.
This is awesome Fumiyo, and for me this is what a real and true friend is. Someone that is willing to pull you up to be the greater aspect of your potential, and not allow to lies and loveless self-abating behaviours to continue.
I love that, that is very true as we are by nature being asked to step up in our greater light and this is where we can greatly and truly assist.
Expressing what is true, based on the truth of what we feel, offers space, and in that space, there is room for both people in that relationship to expand, to bring more of themselves into the conversation and into the relationship. So relationships have the potential to evolve and expand us all, so long as we hold steady and express, to the best of our ability, the simplicity of what we feel, without justification, reaction or contraction.
Yes, Bryony and the key for me is in the simplicity which leaves no space for anything less.
Being in our fullness need not mean that we change the words we use, it may simply be in how we move and that has an effect.
When I am transparent and honest with others this builds a confidence in me and offers space for a true connection with another.
Yes I too wasted and are still wasting a lot of time not being myself! It’s crazy right, all this effort and subterfuge that we live truth rather than simply being.
Yes, it takes a lot of energy to engage in acting and, I suspect, many know that we are acting so there is a silliness to the charade.
Learning from our imperfections requires honesty and grace for when we are hard on ourselves and berate ourselves for those same imperfections we don’t learn anything.
We will always be able to find someone who is willing to indulge our propensity to blame others for the situations we find ourselves in. This contract always ends in harm to both parties as blame is disempowering and sympathy is poisonous to our bodies.
“When I am in my fullness – in that I am not holding myself back – I am allowing the world to see me fully. Expressing from this place is much more freeing as I allow that tender, precious and play-full ‘me’ to explore and experience the world in a whole new way.” I love these words Susan, I have held myself back all my life, hiding for protection, I am gradually stepping out from my protection and learning to feel and express my true self, as you say, there is a whole new way of feeling and being in this world.
That sounds very beautiful Jill – as I step out from being in protection and living in defence it allows me to feel that my body is wanting to expand and be free from the constant calibrating. As I allow myself to be me I can let go of the self doubt that sabotages my impulses to be fully all of me in the world.
Appreciation of who you are and all you have to offer offers a different way of being with yourself and everyone else.
I agree Mary, my relationships with others have become much richer and more true with appreciation. It really is the best ingredient to bring more love and connection to another.
And that is what life is about.
Any blaming conversation is the perfect way to say: I like it in here, let’s explore this place from every angle. So, it is saying yes to whatever caused the blame.
Well said Eduardo, it’s very restrictive insular behaviour when we blame, all the while protecting our hurts.
And while we do this we are not accepting responsibility for our part.
It feels very healing to begin to expose how much we can abuse ourselves and choose to not see what is so obvious. Letting go of these abusive patterns frees us up to understand the world and how we have managed to get ourselves into such trouble. We have a huge responsibility to be open and honest whilst remaining sensitive and aware.
I am at a point where I am learning to express myself more and allow myself to be and in this I bring more of me to my relationships with others.
It feels like allowing ‘myself to be ‘me’ expands our whole consciousness – and with that comes the space to be all of who we are.
Once we begin to develop a relationship within we realise that there are no limits – as we surrender to the inner depths of our body – and soul, we begin to touch heaven here on earth and re-ignite that which we once considered lost.
Having body work sessions where I get to feel the quality of the choices I have been making in life and the space to feel the truth of who I am in essence is a blessing indeed.
Love this jennym. When we support our bodies with a modality that supports us to connect next to our body in a truthful way we support ourselves to bring responsibility to all aspects of life.
Having the space to be with someone who we feel safe to be open and honest with, for them not to judge or indulge us in whatever we’re talking about is really precious, it’s an opportunity to truly get to more clarity within ourself on how we are and have the potential to be in life.
To be open and honest when expressing has never felt safe to do or be for me in the past, I am now understanding there is a truth to be spoken and lived and that this lies within me and when i open up to express from this place true relationships can be fostered and developed.
If ever you want a true and loving relationship with someone, transparency is always the key.
The key that opens us up to having a relationship with the whole of humanity and the Universe.
Thank you Susan, We can quickly focus on that which is not from truth and be judgemental on ourselves when we can instead focus on the what is and create a natural flow for us to live from in connection to the divine.
Yes, Francisco I am appreciating how even though at the time we may feel we make no difference somewhere down the line we have confirmation that we were heard if the person was ready to hear – and if they were not that’s okay too.
It is deeply sad that we live so much of our lives in a way that essentially keeps everyone away from being with our essence.
However, once we begin to express our truth we are beginning to open up a way forth that will change far more than we sometimes realise and recognise. Change can begins with us as we learn to not hold back.
I like what you are sharing here, no one has to guess what I am thinking or feeling, what a wonderful way to live free of the games that seem to be the norm in most relationships as you described.
Once we begin to appreciate the freedom of truly understanding one another’s expression without any guesswork we allow a path to unfold that is truly enriching and loving. Why on earth did it take so long for me to realise that once I let go I can truly trust the wisdom that surrounds me and is informing me all of the time. Expression can then becomes less cluttered with all the insinuations and manipulations that hinder us on our path of return.
I used to think that I expressed myself really well but as you say “There was so much blaming as I did not take any responsibility for my part in what was going on.” and in that there was no true expression from my part just a verbal dumping of all the things in life that I did not agree with or in truth that did not suit my way of coping.
It feels so great when we begin to see things as they truly are and no longer fool ourselves. We can then start to build a foundation of love and respect in our bodies and in our relationships.
Taking responsibility for our part in relationships rather than blaming others when they are not working is the cornerstone to developing true, meaningful and loving ones.
Your simple, open and honest way of expressing is carried through in your writing, Sue, and it is very beautiful, loving and humbling to feel.
This is a such a profound reminder, one that has been sounded through the ages, of the truth that our relationship with who we are within in the foundation for the nature in which we experience all other relationships, including life itself. When truth and love are our foundations, it is these qualities that we meet the world with, where real relationships are explored, and evolution is our natural progression.
Allowing ourselves to be is very empowering because it’s as if we release the shackles of protection and or hurts to bring more honesty to not only ourselves but to all others also. It shows openness and transparency which then holds others in this way, giving them the space to also feel themselves in full too.
Great to read Susan, it so easy to blame others for our relationship issues, rather than looking at self and taking responsibility for the way we are living and the choices we are making. There is so much to learn and unfold in how we live and that is the first step to building a truer relationship with self and others.
A ‘truer relationship with self’ is the key to all our problems and something that many seem to avoid. When life goes wrong we look outside for solace and that is one big distraction from meeting our soul and taking that relationship deeper.
To become aware of the use of sympathy and the victim cycle we can get stuck in, is the beginning of being more honest with what we are really feeling and then the judgment and blame on others begins to dissipate. A true and deep healing thus occurs.
Yes, Stephanie – what we need to do to change our relationships is really quite simple and yet we make it complicated and stuck. Honesty brings an opportunity for a new beginning and expansion as we let go of old patterns that have held us in their grip while we were choosing to not let go.
There is such a great joy when we let ourselves just be real and true to ourselves. Everyone benefits from it.
Yes, we all feel lighter and greatly expanded.
We can try on different shapes and sizes with family , friends, work colleagues, but often it
‘same same but different’ … an old familiar pattern and way of being without truly expressing who we are and what we feel. It takes honesty to move beyond this and to allow those awkward pauses where we just be and not jump into that old familiar conversation but simply allow ourselves and others to simply be and let go a picture of what we think it and we should be.
Letting go of the pictures is a wonderful place to begin with letting go of old perceptions, patterns and ideals, and allowing others the space to be their true selves.
When we are just ourselves then how we are with others remains consistent, which then builds trust in our relationships.
How very simple and complete life is – and yet we have a penchant for complicating and making it hard.
There is such a game being played when we alter our expression with the groups of people we live and work with. A chameleon approach can often leave one feeling on edge and constantly compromising the natural expression that comes from within.
Life is so much easier when we are ourselves and not the ideals and beliefs we think we should be, based on pictures we have carried around for decades.
Julie, so true we don’t realise how we carry around ideals and beliefs that we get stuck in as often we don’t know or have been exposed to another way. It is only when we see a true reflection of something different does it awaken the truth within us.
Today I’ve met a lot of new people I will be working with over the next couple of years. So reading this ‘ we can relax and be ourselves and have a great time. It feels as though I have wasted a lot of time not being myself!’ is very lovely and confirming of what happens when I do connect with me and express.
Being connected with ourselves has a big impact on what we express.
Thanks Susan, great to read this again. Your point about sympathy being normal and directness something to get used to, incuding the honesty that comes with that, is a very good point. I must admit I’m quite used to it now and enjoy it but your words have helped me to understand how the majority of people converse.
When we look back and see how much time we have wasted not being true to ourselves we have to use it as a catalyst to make sure we remain true to ourselves now.
So true Elizabeth, we do really need to use this as a catalyst to remain true to ourselves now, as most of us have wasted alot of time not being true to ourselves.
Who are we?, really who are we? I remember this question popping up in my life many times, who am I? It usually came on the back of something going wrong or astray. If things were going well then it wasn’t as loud, if things were going not so well then in came the question, loud. This was usually a point I changed direction with something, usually trying the opposite. It was like, ‘that didn’t work and so it must be this’. There was no true stop point to look at what was truly going on, instead you would just change feet and go again. It was like my life was on repeat and I could see that but it wasn’t possible, was it. So many things I knew and yet they weren’t quite clear enough for me to grab them. Universal Medicine has supported me to bring the things I knew clear and in this way the pattern doesn’t repeat.
There were many things Susan that I enjoyed and sung in my body (6 points = Love):
1. Relax and be ourselves and have a great time.
2. Not holding myself back (this is absolute in what it offers).
3. I am allowing the world to see me fully.
4. Express myself in a simple, clear honest way.
5. Represents who I am inside and who is not afraid of letting other people see my awesomeness.
6. I am a beauty-full, power-full and a play-full human being.
Expression is Everything.
Holding back our full expression in any relationship actually affects all our relationships, no matter how ‘open’ we think we are being with any other one in our lives. That isn’t to say it is appropriate to say all we are aware of to everyone as the expression is not for our personal benefit, but I find the level of connection I have with myself will determine how discerning I am in what is there to say, and what is not to say.
We really do have a choice as to whether we continue to blame others for our life or look at our lives and take responsibility for what we do not like. The choice is ours.
And once we grasp this poignant point we can begin the process of unfolding – and appreciating responsibility for the very beautiful blessings that it brings.
It is so common that we have different faces and manners for different situations, but this requires to put on an act all the time, and that is exhausting. So to allow ourselves to be the way we are in any given moment is very freeing and brings back vitality and joy into life, but it is a step by step process to let go of the many pictures and roles we think we need to conform to.
That is certainly the way it feels to me – a very gradual and beauty-full unfolding of who we innately are as we embrace our sacredness and feel that deeply within – and then some more, as this is an ongoing process with no beginning and no end, but a spherical way to live in harmony.
I think we all need to step up in being far more responsible in every aspect of our lives, the first step is to recognise where we have a lack of responsibility, ‘There was so much blaming as I did not take any responsibility for my part in what was going on.’
When we hold back from expressing ourselves, it is always a contractionary impact on our body especially on our heart. I find when being more open with others it is literally great Medicine for the heart and the entire body.
To be able to honestly look at the patterns of communication and how one can measure the volumes of who they are in different situations is a very needed step towards having a relationship with yourself and the uniqueness of ones own expression.
There can be so much blame and pain in what we say. It might seem true and real, but when we speak from a hurt we just magnify this point so it becomes a big deal, when in truth it’s just a speck in the context of life. Getting to know a quality of harmony in your body and checking if you are speaking from that, is a great way to express I have found. Thank you Susan for outing these ways we have of ‘speaking out’ but bringing ourselves and others down.
A great sharing Susan with much truth in it. I feel I have often held back expressing clearly what I feel . This then is quite frustrating for myself and possibly others who are then confused as to my stance on a situation. This is clearly not honouring myself.
Recently I’ve realised a different twist on the situation you describe Susan. I’m glad to be open, loving and allowing with other people that I meet, but my partner is not gifted the same qualities when I get home. She is nit-picked and critiqued for every last detail as if she should be perfect in order to be in relationship with me. The further thing I realised though is if I don’t extend open arms and heart to her, then in truth I don’t truly bring that other people either, just a much ‘nicer’ version of the judgement she receives. A big ouch to feel.
Getting honest with ourselves is a great starting point Susan, and I too found that having healing session offered me a space where I felt it was safe to be honest. From there I developed a more loving relationship with myself that then rippled out into how I was with others.
Embracing transparency is the greatest gift we can offer another, for it is the only way true intimacy can be developed in our relationships.
What great observations of old behaviours Susan and exposing it in different area’s of your life. This was also an observation of myself and prompted the reflection of ‘who am I?’. There is an essence so clear, pure and loving that is always constant within each of us – what’s going on that we are not choosing to live from this place in every moment? Becoming aware of old repeating patterns is the first step in challenging and discarding what is not true. I love your honesty, openness and willingness to challenge these old patterns, discovering your truth and now living it everyday in the world.
A beautiful blog to read Susan. On reading the changes you have made in your living and way of being, I can resonate with just how ‘time-wasting’ it is to not be in connection with my innermost essence. In enjoying this re-connection, time disappears and there is a gorgeous and harmonious feeling of spaciousness in my day.
“It feels as though I have wasted a lot of time not being myself!”
Expressing can be simple if we first let go of judgement, blame and hurts and see the truth for what it is. When we compartmentalise our lives we shut ourselves off from observing what is really going on around us. This then stops our full expression and halts our evolvement. Expressing freely and honestly from the connection of our bodies is simplicity in movements and that is something to be treasured and explored as we move and shift throughout our lives.
Thing is, all relationships effect all relationships. As much as we try we can’t actually section off one relationship from another. Effectively, how we are in one relationship we bring to the others – so if we choose to not be ourselves we are first effecting our inner relationship which is then expressed to all external ones.
So beautiful to read your comment Rachel – and so true as we cannot compartmentalise our lives. When we realise that we can no longer live in isolation we begin to understand that our inner relationship is our connection to God and to our soul – and from there we can truly connect to all others.
So true Rachel. I used to think I could live in a compartmentalised way, but everything I do, affects everything else I do, and that’s definitely the case with relationships. If our primary relationship, the one with ourselves is solid, then all others will flow from there.
Thank you Susan, I feel we have all been there in one way or another struggling to express who we truly are. I have found that it is really a reflection of the relationship we have with ourselves, when I am connected to my inner-most, my expression has a far greater natural flow to it.
Yes, I feel I know what you mean – and sometimes it nows feels that I was struggling to hide what cannot be hidden which is quite ridiculous in retrospect. When I come back to myself and the natural flow returns I wonder why would I want to be any other way? It feels so beautiful as we all support one another to expand our experience and become bolder and less protective – and to appreciate just how awesome we are.
You raise some really great points here through your candidness about the way you’ve dealt with life and expressed to others Susan, thank-you.
How much of ‘the world’ actually runs on offloading our blame, frustration, pain… seeking a sympathetic ear and/or to sympathise ourselves – and yet never truly stepping ourselves out of the malaise we are in, in the first place?
To be willing to go the ‘deeper step’, and look to the part we play in what is going on in our lives, what we ourselves are allowing, where we are holding back on that which we know to be true… is to seek true healing. And therein lies the actual empowering point of choice if we wish to make it – do we truly want to heal, and deal with that which founds our hurts in life, or would we prefer the seeming ‘familiarity’ of ‘the known’ in terms of the daily angst, blaming others and stimulation that is derived from offloading that which we don’t truly want to deal with… It is all, always, our call.
This is a beautiful sharing Susan, being more real and honest with everyone allows for our relationships to deepen and grow, transparency is the key and the more we embrace this quality we also empower others to choose this as well.
Not surprisingly this process began with Serge Benhayon – before meeting him I felt constantly guarded. It was his openness and love that encouraged me to begin to let go – who could resist when presented with such a man of equality and integrity as well as a natural warmth and grace that invites others to expand their experience of life.
Gorgeous blog thank you Susan; expressing to ourselves first and then to others is the key and as you say so freeing;
“Expressing from this place is much more freeing as I allow that tender, precious and play-full ‘me’ to explore and experience the world in a whole new way”.
There is a transparency isn’t there when you are not hiding, simply being yourself. There is so much less tension of what is not being said. Well worth giving a go!
There is nothing more powerful and magnificent than being ourselves, and it is through the constant appreciation and confirmation of who we are that allows us to create a new normal inspiring others to be themselves.
So many of us seem to spend so much time and precious energy pretending to be someone that we are not instead of showing the world exactly who we are. Is this because we are so busy playing so many different roles in our lives, adapting to the situation around us, that we forget who we truly are; the beautiful being that does not need to pretend to be anything because we know who we are and live all of us in everyone moment.
It definitely feels like that to me Ingrid – I know that this is how I have lived the greater part of my life – hiding who I truly am, being afraid to be me in a world that didn’t feel safe. I feel I was picking up the messages that no one was willing to honestly and literally say how they were feeling. As you say we have spent so much time pretending to be other than who we truly are that we have lost touch with reality. It does feel awesome to now have the opportunity to begin to unravel this complicated way of living and return again to being open and true to our innate essence.
I understand what you mean when you say ‘I automatically thought I would be rejected so would settle for any form of connection possible’ and reading your words Linda, I am now realising the greater implications of always holding back and the impact this has on the world around me and when I consider this energetically, I can see that I am subscribing to a world where ‘Peace at any price’ is the cost we seem to be willing to pay. No wonder the world is in such turmoil when almost no one is willing to stand for truth and honesty. As we come to terms with our part in any situation we can begin to live more responsibly and honourably and at harmony with ourselves and with others.
What inspires me deeply is when I see people who are the same with everyone, in whatever situation they are in – at work, at home, out shopping etc. They are consistent and steady throughout all of these and do not change what they show to the world depending on who are they are with and what they are doing. Everything is recognised as being one life and so fullness of expression is called for in every moment. As I have allowed in this inspiration instead of feeling jealousy which I felt for some time, I too have begun to be more steady and consistent in myself in the ever changing scenarios and relationships in my life. I have taken the first steps of commitment to bringing and being myself equally for all, and every day I appreciate this more and more as I get to know myself better.
I feel like that too Susan. I realise I waste so much time not being myself and even with this realisation the tendency to not be myself is pretty frequent, which doesn’t make a lot of sense. But realising this is a great start and being more aware is a blessing.
There is definitely something about just being ourselves – and all of ourselves in our expression and communication with others. I had this experience recently whilst delivering a presentation – I just felt myself being me and sharing myself with the audience. Being me made it possible for those attending to connect with me as a person not just to hear what I was saying. We connected rather than just shared information and the difference was palpable and very beautiful to feel.
I agree with you Richard – it is beautiful to feel the depth of connection with others in this way and a presentation becomes enjoyable and real for everyone – presenter included!
Expressing is not just expressing. It is also sharing ourselves. It is presenting to others something that serves as reflection that either confirms them or helps them to evolve. Hence, it is very needed and it carries an enormous responsibility.
There are so many pictures we hold onto around family and friends that are far from the truth, when we start to be honest and not holding back anymore our expression these ideas can go one by one. Interestingly it is the way we choose to move that determines the quality of our thoughts and how we are with ourselves and others around us.
“I am not holding back and guarding myself and consequently others do not have to guess what it is I am feeling and thinking.” So many of our reactions to others come from us wanting from others what we do not give to ourselves. It is up to us to express how we feel and think and if we don’t then it is our responsibility to face the consequences.
In friendships we often look for sympathy or a sounding board. But is that true friendship? What if as a friend we called our friends to be all that they are. If they were not taking responsibility we called them out on it. If they were carrying on in drama we exposed that. If someone calls for advice or wants to be heard, is it our responsibility as a friend to hear the deeper call? True love can sometimes be very uncomfortable but in the long run is much more comfortable – even though there is not comfort in it!
I have came to realize how I have been obedient in full length to the energy of sympathy. And I am becoming aware of how much energy this has cost me. It is and has been deeply exhausting as I had chosen to do so. The depth of poison that is left inside a body after consuming sympathy, pretending it is caring for another or situation, is very strong. Hence, the exhaustion that sympathy is causing, that each one of us can choose, simply states ‘ being less, is good’. Hence it is an easy catch, as it were my life (and lives before) to invest in sympathy as I would not have to take responsibility for my power. hence I was obedient to the energy that would then fill my body as I had chosen to not do so with my own divine power. Hence the only way to undo the emptiness that drives the spirit to choose sympathy is to bring back responsibility and feel the power it needs to bring.That we need to bring. As only if we choose love, this sympathy has no where to stand and because the choice is made by that person, sympathy will no longer exists in one’s body. This is the truth I will further discover so that I will become fully filled with love and no longer sympathy. The choice is mine.
The greatest form of protection is to be all we are and let others share in this beauty ( note to self).
So true Kim – when we let go of the need to be anything other than who we truly are we are indeed free to live life fully and joy-fully with every breath we take.
We can speak in a nice and calm way, with a polite and polished turn of phrase, but none of that changes the energy that comes through underneath. So if you are speaking to control others or protect yourself in some way – this manipulation and distortion is the actual result of what you say. What a relief to stop this meddling and just return to simply being us. Thank you Susan for this beautiful and super honest sharing.
I can feel an ouch moment with what you have said here Joseph as I was a past master at the art of manipulation and deception. At the time it felt like the only way to survive was to be ‘polite’ and superficial as the last thing I wanted to do was make waves, not realising that I was not fooling anyone – unless they wanted to join in the grand game of make pretend. What an amazing freedom to be able to begin to let go and be who we truly are – and even more to be able to speak the truth. All that holding back on expression takes up so much energy and space – space that we could be filing with truth and love.
So true Joseph, it is all about the intention and energy behind everything we express that matters.
Thank you Susan, I feel that a whole new level of awareness of how I can express who I am is knocking on the door after reading your blog again. Knowing that I have to be responsible for making the loving choices in all that I do so my expression can expand to the next level in absolute honesty feels like a commitment I am ready for.
Trying to balance multiple different ways of expressing with different people is simply a nightmare!
If we don’t express who we truly are, then we are not living life – our life we are here to live through our expression. It is hideous that we learn NOT to be ourselves. Simple and important lesson in life Susan – thank you.
What I too have found lately is that when we take the blame away and not go into stories or drama of a situation we are able to gain clarity on why certain things maybe happening in our lives. This clarity also allows the space to observe and feel why we may go into age old patterns or ways of moving that no longer serves us. This allows for greater awareness around our expression and how we choose to move with it or against it.
It is a beautiful marker for us all in our body when we realise that we are letting go of our need to blame – a re-action and not an expression from our soul. As we move closer to embracing our truth then clarity is indeed a great asset as we can see not only ourself but gain a deeper understanding of others. I love the feeling that with clarity we allow ourselves more space to observe and an opportunity to expand our expression and our service to the Universe. When we feel expansive we feel a deeper connection to others and that can be felt by all those around us – we become more united and move closer to living in brotherhood.
Your honesty is inspiring Susan. It is interesting to observe, when we are willing take an honest look at the nature of our relationships, that we can often seek to engage in relationship that do not evolve us, allowing us to continue to deny what we are being asked to address. I have discovered and am continuing to learn that when we are willing to embrace the truth and express the truth we feel, we are not only developing an honest and loving relationship with ourselves, based of truth and evolution, but we are also offering this quality of relationship equally with others. As such we are truly being ourselves with all.
It’s amazing how much things can start to shift once we let go of investments of needing people to react or respond to us in a certain way.. i.e. once we let go of needing to be accepted or recognised and just allow ourselves to be. Holding onto any pictures or ideas about how we think others need to be for us, so we can feel okay, totally inhibits our natural way of expressing – and gets in the way of the truth.
Expression is everything…the verbal and the non-verbal. We are constantly offered an opportunity to simply express from ourselves without turning our light down and being sensitive enough to recognise when we do express less is a wonderful education in itself.
I’m going through a process at the moment were I’m learning not to talk from my hurts. It seems the more I observe and allow myself to see the many hurts, the more I see how many I have allowed in through my lack of true expression in the name of being good or fair. What I’ve learnt is that if I express from love and truth in my fullness I see the hurts for what they are, a false sense of protection that have kept many at arms length and stopped the flow of love between the many I meet.
When we allow ourselves to only see blame we stop ourselves from seeing the part we played and the responsibility that needs to be taken before any truth can be learnt. I have found that in doing so the lesson is just delayed and usually repeated over and over in different ways until we are willing to see and learn what is there for us to grow from. It feels so beautifully freeing to come to the awareness you have and let go of the stories to be able to let go of what held you back and embrace the ‘you’ you now do.
Watching your expression grow over the last few years Susan has been deeply inspiring. I see you today standing strong in truth and not afraid to express your feelings. Keep shining as your shine inspires all others to do the same.
The way we express is an offspring of how we move. We use our expression to accompany, to lure and to bring about a movement. Our expression never ceases to relate with our movements.
It feels amazingly expansive and spacious when we realise that our movement initiates our expression – we do know this innately for when we feel great in our body and our body flows in ease and grace, we are freer to express our innermost feelings without hindrance.
Being truthful and honest with oneself is the best way to move forward. Making choices that are honouring, supports our true expression. As we walk and express with this honesty we inspire other to do the same.
Every choice we make to express in honesty knowing and accepting ourselves, we are moving in a way for true expression to happen.
Often we hold back expressing ourselves to be liked or to not rock the boat, this especially happens in work situations where pandering to money and recognition is more important to what is felt as truth. And yet in holding back what is truth, we are choosing to be in a relationship which is abusive to self from the start.
Reminding us of how abusive we can be with ourselves if we choose not to give the truth we know that is innately inside us all.
As long as we hide from our part in life and the beautiful gift each experience offers us to grown and learn, what we say will often come out harsh and judgemental. When we understand exactly what is being offered to us, we tend to speak with ease and grace and in a tender way that can be easily heard. So it seems to me that the key to expression and communication is to listen closely to what you are being shown. Then and only then can you support others to grow. Thank you Susan for what you have shared.
Being able to express ourselves in full, not in reaction, but with love and understanding, it can be one of life’s biggest challenges. Not allowing the reaction with another person to take a hold and not let it go. This doesn’t serve anyone, it only creates more angst and separation. It is in coming back to a love within first, then that naturally flows onto others.
It is very easy to hide in ‘victim-hood’ and ‘niceness’ the only problem is that we are not dealing with life but rather burying our issues; we are entrapped and enslaved by our choices and the world misses us and we miss the world all usually under the guise of protection.
When we get caught in playing the victim in life we engage in a game that focuses on our hurts and weaknesses, not our qualities or potential.
Playing the victim in life can be a great distraction and a way to avoid taking the responsibility for our lives and moving forward. Once we clock that this is what we’ve been doing, and how we’ve been perpetuating it, we can start to change our movements and thoughts – and actively switch the focus from self-denigration to self-appreciation.
It’s amazing how we mold the way we express ourselves already in anticipation of how we think they might respond/react, even though we have never met them before, and it really exposes how false some of the ‘connection’ I thought I had when I met them and how that depended on the mutual need feeding back both ways.
It all starts in how we express ourselves to ourselves. Great to also take care and be loving, open and non-judgemental with our inner dialogue.
Yes.. and it all starts with becoming aware of what that inner dialogue actually is, instead of allowing it to run on autopilot.
The inner dialogue that can more often harm than heal if we choose to not place responsibility and appreciation into the same equation.
More often than not the inner dialogue has had free reign for too long but as we learn to connect within we allow space for greater awareness and expansion.
All around me I see people holding themselves back unable to express honestly how they are truly feeling and instead using words that make it quite clear to the person they are communicating with that they don’t want to go any further, any deeper into how they are feeling. We are born to express, and to express honestly, but somewhere down the track, usually in childhood, our expression gets shut down and in turn so does who we truly are, and as a result not only do we suffer but so do those around us, and the world misses out on our innate amazingness.
Sometimes it feels like our ‘friends’ want to be part of a drama that is larger than life and bring us into it to make it even bigger and sometimes these dramas can be ones we have contributed to or even created; recognising this and making it clear that that is not how we want to carry on is crucial. Honouring ourselves in this way honours our ‘friends’ and anyone who is a player in the drama itself and establishes a foundation for “expressing myself and being true”
Playing games that are not honest ones is one of our major specialities. We have a clear feeling what games can we play with whom. It is definitely our right to do so until our last breath. But it is also our responsibility to reflect others that we can only gain if we stop doing so and face life from a different stand.
As I read your blog Susan, I stopped to appreciate all the Serge Benhayon has gifted me with, awakened in me and as a result, I am able to offer myself to others in a way that I never imagined before. No doubt it is the same for you and countless others. To be shown the truth of who we are is immeasurable in it’s worth.
A good dose of self appreciation is always key when getting honest and real with ourselves. Never be hard on ourselves but always holding ourselves instead for the deeply loving beings we are.
And learning along the way.
Honesty is seriously the best policy… well it’s a very needed starting point anyway. I love the feeling of being honest with myself, it is so freeing and my body just melts, no matter what I’m feeling.
Thankyou Susan, great to read of your experiences. I liked this line “There was so much blaming as I did not take any responsibility for my part in what was going on.” How true this is for all of us, and how empowering to realise we ourselves can bring the change we seek by making more loving choices in relationships, and in life in general.
This is whole new way of moving for me also, and one that is in continual learning. Learning to trust that it is completely safe to express all of me, and feel the true joy in this.
Like a wardrobe full of fancy dress costumes we can choose to put any on we like, ‘the good mother’, ‘the annoyed boss’, ‘the benevolent friend’. And like a foreign language we learn to speak, we can become fluent, and adopt it like it is our native way to speak. But what if it’s not true underneath? That is what your words say to me today Susan, that what if that doubt that I let out, those slightly off jokes, and worried words I say are all not me? Something beautiful but quite confronting for us to consider as we step into our day.
Yes, Joseph – quite confronting when we begin to feel the hidden innuendos behind the way we express. I am coming to terms – again – with the way I can still go into being ‘nice’ and ‘good’ when I am feeling unsure of myself. I am now beginning to squirm when I feel myself doing this and this feels awesome – to at last have the consciousness and awareness that pervert me from being all that I am when I am true to myself. Until I am open and honest with myself about the way I can still manipulate circumstances to favour myself, I will not be clear of this abusive and polluted form of expression. When we feel within our body all these opportunities to change we realise how blessed we are to have been offered these moments of discomfort.
“When I am in my fullness – in that I am not holding myself back – I am allowing the world to see me fully.” Beautiful Susan. Finding the freedom to be who we naturally are – after years of living less than – is truly liberating. No more pretending – whoo hoo.
Yes, Sue it is truly liberating to be naturally who we are and to not allow that natural essence that is inside us all be hidden from the world. For so long the life of a human being has been lived in protection, always guarding and blocking us from truly evolving. To have a relationship with ourselves and with others is the true way of humanity and it is wonderful to begin to break the mould with the love and support of those around us. As we open up to the world and the Universe we allow a connection to be made and expand our experience of life – and a deeper unfolding of who we are. As you say ‘whoo hoo’!
In the world of expression – which is everything we do – there is no time off. Everything expressed is a movement in truth or not.
How beautiful I have found it to be, that when I don’t hold back, but allow those I am with to see all of me, that they in turn are able to be their beautiful selves; you can almost hear the sigh of relief when they realise that they can let go of pretending and are free to be all that they are.
It is a whole journey to take to come to expressing the truth of who we are, it takes time and a commitment to ourselves, treasuring our expression. Knowing we are everything we are ever needed to be.
Holding onto hurts taints our relationships with others as there is no honesty and this propels us to live life playing the victim, calculating our expression and seeking sympathy from others, letting go of this form of protection and expressing truth with no holding back is a true healing for all.
As is your comment healing Francisco as it highlights that lack of honesty doesn’t just taint one relationship. It feels like a poison that permeates and seeps into all areas of our life and doesn’t allow us to be the magnificence that we truly are.
Oh boy do I know this one. For so long have I calculated the best expression of different people/scenarios… Every time I don not express fully from my honesty, I can feel the devastation in my body
Your comment made me chuckle as I recalled all the rehearsals and calculations that we can go through when we hold back on expression. It sometimes feels as though this is not the first lifetime that I’ve held back as I feel all the contraction that I have stored and how hard this can feel. No wonder it feels amazing to let go and allow ourselves to be everything that we undoubtedly are.
Thankyou Susan, the best gift we can give another is to offer our full expression of who we are straight from our bodies and not our heads, some will welcome it and others will process it or deny it. But at the end the truth from our bodies is something that we need to develop and deepen and share with all around us.
Expressing in protection such as blame and needing someone to side with me comes from my lack of expression in what was felt. When I simply expressed how something felt, and sometimes it feels hurtful and understand why I feel that way, then there is no need to put up protection in my further expression.
When I’m in blame I look out and see everything that is ‘wrong’ or what else is to blame for how I’m feeling, living, working, relating etc. I find I will gravitate to those who will agree with my blame, and the vicious cycle continues round again until I put a stop to it. Now when I find myself in blame it feels so awful and I know it is not who I truly am and that there is something for me to see, understand and learn… it’s amazing how quick it dissipates when bringing love to the situation.
It always brings joy to hear people express from a precious, tender and play-full place within them, even when it is about issues and things they feel are not clear in themselves or others. Besides joy it also feels very healing.
‘I am not perfect but this does not take away from the fact that I am a beauty-full, power-full and a play-full human being.’ If we come from “I am not good enough’ we try to be perfect, if we come from being who we are, then there is always more to come this means we will never be perfect and there will always be evolution.
It’s beautiful once we realise that imperfection is a fundamental part of our evolution. I find I still drop into perfectionism when I am trying to block evolution rather than opening up to all the opportunities of accepting and embracing the real me. The more I am willing to embrace infinity the more amazing and expansive it feels – that life can only become more wondrous and magnificent as the centuries roll by.
“I have wasted a lot of time not being myself” Susan, I relate to this comment. Since becoming a student of The Way of The Livingness I have been having fun getting to know who I truly am. I am so, so, so much more than the mask I hid behind.
I agree Mary, it is beautiful to witness so many students expressing more of who they truly are.
And so enriching when we support one another by becoming truly transparent and open.
What is so amazing about expression is that we don’t have to beat ourselves up for not sharing how we may have felt in the past, but to simply make a new choice in the next moment to share what is felt in full from the body. Brings it back to the simplicity of our full expression and the choice to share it with the world as it is greatly needed by us all.
I love your light and tender touch Kelly – as you so wisely say all we need to do is express fully and when that comes from the heart the universe feels the truth and grace and responds. The expression has expanded and reaches out for everyone to feel as a vibration.
“It feels as though I have wasted a lot of time not being myself!” Never a truer statement, Susan. I feel like I have missed huge parts of my life under the misguided belief that I had to be perfect, so forever criticizing myself. This kept me so very caught up in myself and I could not see or feel what was going on for others around me. A pattern that no longer has the same hold over me, yet one I have to be vigilant with as it was chosen so much that it became a default in how I lived. Whilst I focus on the fact that I am already an amazing person and stay open to my surroundings and those I encounter, I find I am present and fully in the life I have. There is great joy in living this way.
Well said Susan, friendships can be familiar and comfortable where we don’t challenge each other or honestly and truly express ourselves and although we may kid ourselves there is no true connection or intimacy in that.
Judging others less also heals anxiety. The less I judge others the less anxious I am about being judged by others.
How many years ( and past lives) have we wasted not being and living our true selves? Thus the journey home may at times be challenging, but well worth the home coming feeling; like coming in from a dark, damp and cold night into a glowing, warm and inviting fire that communicates, your home, your safe.
It is certainly worth the home-coming feeling – as you say it’s ‘ like coming in from a dark, damp and cold night into a glowing, warm and inviting fire that communicates, your home, your safe’. When we realise this it feels bizarre that we would ever have deserted our integrity to become something we are not, which takes our energy and depletes our power. As we learn to tread the path back to claiming who we are as we express our truth we appreciate how beautiful and stupendous we are and that this has remained intact in our very essence.
Learning to express in full is a daily and ongoing process of feeling into, I know and can feel more acutely what it feels like in my body when I hold back, not expressing when it is needed not only for myself, but for others too.
Yes, I agree Raegan it makes so much more sense when we see life as an ongoing cyclical movement where we are constantly unfolding and realising the impact of our daily actions, and what they add or detract to the experience of everyone as we evolve, refine and redefine.
It’s only recently that I’ve realised that not expressing who we are and what needs to be said actually hurts our bodies, there’s so much to express and to come out it makes no sense to keep it in.
I use to be so caught up in blame in the past, if something was not right it was someone else’s fault, I would get caught up in the gossip of that energy with friends. Looking back that just feels so wrong now.
Susan I have noticed if I don’t express in full, my body now goes into anxiousness, which is really horrible. Then due to that I may eat something to numb the feeling off anxiousness. But all that happens is my body gets more and more racy.
Awesome reflections Susan, I notice when I don’t express in full I look for something else and that something else whether it be distraction say in the form of food or entertainment will always ultimately be harmful therefore it is always better to express in full right from the start!
A beautiful realisation Samantha – thank you for sharing that. The moment we are not expressing in full we are in dis-ease – and our body contracts and the mind seeks a way of distraction, as you so wisely say.
We think that we’re being intimate with friends when we have these conversations however what we’re actually doing is colluding and perpetuating the dishonesty and avoiding responsibility.
It is interesting what you describe in this blog Susan, how much do we measure our expression based on how we have grown up and the hurts that we carry from that. It is important to understand that this is not only the case for ourselves but also for all people we live and work with and in that I can see now that, when we leave this fact unattended, we then all are communicating to one another from that protection we have build for ourselves from the undealt with hurts we have experienced in our youth.
I like this topic of ‘being yourself’, its an age old problem that all of us have faced and one time or another and that is how we can ‘be ourselves’ with others. The questions that come up for me are – will I have any friends if I am myself? What is my true self? Is there times that perhaps the whole truth needs filtered, for sensitivity for others?
What I have now come to is this ‘being ourselves’ starts with movement and in that care of movement the next step of expression might be speaking, if the movement is present and connected then its almost like the speaking is already taken care of, responsibility in expression parts with our bodies.
I know when I blame others I am missing an opportunity to truly grow and evolve, bringing honesty to each situation allows for understanding and acceptance.
The freedom that we find when we stop blaming others – or at least become aware of what we are doing allows us to step back and to feel from within what is truly happening. It feels so much more empowering when we see one another as equal and that we are both sons of God attempting to come to terms with our wayward ways. As you say Anna we are missing opportunities ‘to truly grow and evolve, bringing honesty to each situation allows for understanding and acceptance’ – and how amazing that feels as we let go of old patterns that no longer serve our new way of livingness.
Expressing is not very easy for most people. With truthfully bringing all of themselves. Open and honest and all their tenderness and vulnerability. I feel when I am connected I have no problems with expression. But when I am not, I then gauge what I say.
I had never really given any great consideration to how important expression was until I began studying with Universal Medicine. One of the first things that I heard presented was ‘expression is everything’. I am only starting to appreciate how significant this is and how true this is and even what expression actually means. Expressing honestly as a beginning point is deeply healing for everyone.
This is the hugest thing for me to admit … that up till now, I haven’t been true to myself nor therefore been able to express who i really am. Indeed the process to get to this point of awareness has been a huge journey . It ‘s like peeling the layers off an onion.. the allowing myself to feel and be super honest without judgement what i feel about everything and myself. I am allowing a deeper self acceptance to know there is nothing wrong with me… in fact the opposite, seeing all there is that is great and wonderful about me… so there is nothing to be afraid of! I can begin to express in my confirmation of me. It’s simple from this place.
All this time the complication of communication, the lack of confidence, and the sense of being inauthentic has come from playing ‘hide and seek’ with the outer layers of myself, afraid of what i would find, and what others would see. I have always felt a fake and afraid… no wonder, as it ‘s all been on the surface, avoiding what is truly deep inside.Self Honesty is the first step.
Honesty is the first step in our healing path, as deep down we know the truth of who we are and how we are all not living that which is the true potential and beauty of our essence, thank you for such honest sharing.
I feel many of us in society have wasted many years not being ourselves and this is really quite sad when you think of how amazing we truly are. Though like you have discovered Susan we can change this at any moment and choose to be in the fullness of who we truly are, we can then, (like you) inspire others to also to live in their truth.
What you say Samantha is so true – we do waste our lives which is ridiculous when you consider how many times we complain that we do not have enough time. There is ample time when we begin to use our time wisely and stop avoiding the truth that is right before our eyes. Once the scales have dropped from our eyes we can begin to live in a way where life flows as we begin to let go of the blocks and the pride that has held us back from expressing our truth to the world. Everything expands when we connect to truth and love.
We do waste a lot of our time in not being and living ourselves. And you know what? We don’t only waste our own time, but also those of others, as when we don’t live from the fullness that we are, others won’t get the reflection either. So it is a loss on both sides.
Great Blog Susan, each time we connect with our essence we get a taste of a true way to be, to express to others no mater who they are and then can begin to develop our whole way of life back to love. The interpretation that we can become perfect is a stumbling block that always leads to judgement of others and trips us up as well. Yet beginning to take these steps back to a consistently true expression, confirms such beliefs are important to see and let go of and are more like growing pains rather than insurmountable problems. The community that has developed within the student body of Universal Medicine are an immense support to this process.
Yes, Simon ‘Universal Medicine are an immense support to this process’ as they present us with the truth in a way that makes sense and allows a community to flourish and begin to develop a way of livingness that is more loving and accepting. With perfection we set ourselves up for a fall as we constantly end up looking outside for approval when within our own innermost we can find the depth of love and truth that is consistent and sustainable.
Choosing to express from a place of truth opens up relationships to grow and blossom because as you say there is no second guessing and no going into sympathy involved. I appreciate your honesty and the path that we are both on with its unfolding commitment to expressing all of us in every moment.
How much of what we say about others is said ‘behind their backs’? Is it really ‘behind’ them at all, or does what we say truly affect us all? For the moaning, complaining and back-biting all sits in the way of us being direct and expressing what we have to say. It traps us in the position of being superior or aloof, but when we share openly we can all arrive at the truth. Thank you Susan.
Thank you Joseph for highlighting this point. It feels so futile to spend our lives avoiding the truth and being direct in the way we communicate, when if we express our true feelings it allows for expansion and space for us to connect to the other person and come to an understanding. As you say we are not actually saying things ‘‘behind their backs’ for in truth we can all read exactly what is going on and by denying this ‘It traps us in the position of being superior or aloof, but when we share openly we can all arrive at the truth’.
Susan your blog brought an awareness of the link between loosing ourselves in sympathy towards others and seeking sympathy while seeing ourselves as the victim in relationships. For me moving out of the role of sympathy, whether it was giving it or asking for it, really brought home how harming it was. It was a stepping stone to understanding how other more subtle needy behaviours were holding me out of love and although painful at the time, this process has been wonderful to go through.
Since I too was inspired by Serge Benhayon in seeing the possibility of expressing in a more open, honest and honouring way, I have noticed how my relationships flourish when I heed the call to live that way and how they quickly lose their vitality when I revert back to the old ways. And we seem to encourage one another to rise or sink further, so clearly how I am affects other people too. It is well worth paying attention to what you are sharing Susan about expressing ourself and being true.
What you say is true Golnaz – our relationships do surely flourish when we are honouring not only ourselves but those around us. As we express our appreciation of these relationships it confirms how far we have come from living in constant protection and although we sometimes lapse back into guarding ourselves we are gradually letting go of the need. As you say it is ‘well worth paying attention to what you are sharing’ as we are realising that what we say has an energetic impact on everyone and that this is no longer theory or what someone has said but something we can feel. As we open up to honesty and expand we can make the changes necessary to live in a way that allows a feeling of abundance and love.
You show what’s possible when we are finally able to confront our own levels of dishonesty and begin to take responsibility for the way we are in the world, choosing to express from a position of absolute truth and honesty without measuring from fear of how people will react.
It feels like a miracle that I am changing, and confronting old patterns that I have allowed to rule my life and maybe longer. There is so much freedom that comes with honesty and along with that responsibility. I am feeling how this responsibility permeates all areas of my life.
Thank you, Susan; the truth is that it is a miracle that you are changing old patterns and behaviours. In our adult life, we like to think that we are just the way that we are and that we cannot change but you are showing everyone how it is done and that is such a valuable reflection for us all. We are the way we are because of hurts that we carry so when we deal with our hurts everything changes.
Yes, Elizabeth it is beautiful to acknowledge that we are miracles as we change these old patterns and not just discount how we are all expanding and changing the status quo. As you say, so often as adults we feel that we have all the wisdom and pass this on in a way that infers a sense of being self satisfied rather than questioning and allowing oneself to feel that maybe there is another way – one that can bring with it more clarity, understanding and love.
Your words feel so confirming Elizabeth as I realise that I do not always appreciate the reflection that I am offering. As you say so many people feel that they cannot change – that it is a given that causes that ‘given up’ energy to drag them down rather than seeing that there are always choices. I so value the work of Universal Medicine and all that it has offered me – to be able to see even the challenges as a blessing when we are willing to learn and change.
Its easy to blame others for what is going on in our lives, but when challenged about this as you mentioned, we need to take a step back and look deeper within. It is in the acknowledgement of this and self responsibility that we start to grow. Thank you Susan.
That is so true Roslyn, and as we process our feelings we are able to gain a better understanding and perspective of what we have brought to a situation and to evolve and learn as we unfold.
I have held back and guarded myself of most of my 70 odd years, it is only since Universal medicine that I am now learning to feel the true and lovely me, little by little these days I am letting more of myself out in becoming real and playful, enjoying me in my connection with others.
This is a big thing, calibrating our expression to not stand out and confirm our own irresponsibility through not communicating the truth to others. I can see this, but I know I am not always living this, it is a great learning and evolution to really take full responsibility and don’t hold back.
Beautiful Susan. You are not alone in feeling you have wasted much time not being yourself for we have all done it – particularly when we open our eyes to the fact of how often we can easily revert back to our old familiar patterns that appear to protect us but in actual fact keep us locked in the straight jacket of the same old status quo. A status quo we would all love to let go of and escape from to live the truly vital and joyful life that we know we all have the potential to live.
There is such a difference in living our truth or being in resentment and blame others for that what we, in truth have chosen to go in to in the first place. The real connection that is there when we lift all those ideals, and show who we really are is incredible to feel, and I am noticing this more and more in my life.
How beautiful Benkt that the true you is gradually being revealed to the world and allowing us all to get to know the truth of who you are in your innermost way of being. It feels so lovely when we connect with others as it expands not only our own experience but has repercussions as it ripples out into the world at large.
Letting go of those ideals are like cutting the chain to the boulder you didn’t know you were dragging around with you all the time. Gone are the needs for others and ourselves to be anyone else except who they are, and what opens up is the acceptance of who we are.
Your expression here Susan, shows us what a difference there is when we speak the truth. Its simple, uncomplicated and strong. Such a contrast to the moaning and belittling you mention, which is not our natural expression at all.
Your words, Joseph resonate with that same truth and simplicity and to feel that strength is empowering and deeply inspiring.
I can feel in what you are sharing Leigh that there are countless facades we can put on when we are not ourselves. Endless in fact and it creates a life of seeming consistency which is in fact never a consistency with all. The only true way to be consistent in life is to be truly ourselves, that is, the Love we truly are.
It is as you say Joshua – there are countless facades that we adopt to be accepted in the world when what we truly need is to accept ourselves and express from there. We create such complication and confusion when we are not being ourselves – and even more than that we don’t even know the truth of who we are until we stop and connect to ourselves and to the Universe, which allows us a beautiful understanding of the whole and not just the current distraction that has drawn us under it’s spell.
Well said Susan. Agree 110%.
An awesome blog to re-vist Susan and timely as the other day I caught myself in a situation where I was playing the ‘victim’. I am far from being a victim but at times I use that to control a situation and bury what I am truly feeling and miss the healing of what the situation is there to teach me. A great lesson all round in taking responsibility to another level – thanks for the reminder.
It is indeed beautiful that what we are feeling when we connect ourselves to the Ageless Wisdom is that there is always another, deeper level of responsibility and always another opportunity to evolve from where we are at. It is like a ceaseless well of love calling us back to where we innately belong as part of the Universe and all that is beyond.
yes it is true Marika, we need to ask these questions because we might be getting all those “benefits” from holding back our true expression but whether we like it or not these will be at the expense of our bodies and sooner or later will need to be honest that they do not serve us at all.
Absolutely by choosing more love we can change everything, there is no need for any pretence.
And freeing ourselves from that pretence means we let go of the need to be anything but ourselves – and in doing that we offer a blessing to the whole world, who will come to know the truth of who we are innately.
“I am learning to express myself in a simple, clear honest way that truly represents who I am inside and who is not afraid of letting other people see my awesomeness”.
Moving on from the blame mentality is so freeing; I was inspired reading your story Susan.
Learning to express in a clear, simple honest way is such a beautiful way to be in the world. Without perfection I am myself learning to express this way.
I love the way you say ‘Without perfection’ as for me I am realising that this is the key, Shirl, to accept our imperfections is truly healing and allows us to let go of the struggle and fight and make room for a deeper acceptance and trust that we are already enough.
As I come to the true realisation that we are all love and from the same essence, it makes sense that I take more responsibility for the situations I find myself in. I know these days I am less likely to see another as the total bad guy that I used to in the past, which was a great way to avoid responsibility.
As we see responsibility as loving and supportive we begin to truly feel the love that we are, and let go of protection and allow ourselves to heal. We begin to feel this innate connection with others and realise that in truth we are all one – and not separate at all. As we reveal our sensitivity we reach out to another and confirm the trust that can be found when we not only trust ourselves but another and that we all come from the same source and can allow the world to see us as we are in all our glory.
Recently I realised there was this falseness in the relationship I have had with this friend who I have known for almost 20 years. We think we get on, because we agree on many things, we can be silly and have fun together – yet I feel there being no real honesty. We think we are being open, but no, not really, I can feel the depth that is available but we haven’t gone. This feels uncomfortable, but I am appreciating this opportunity to take us both to a more intimate, more truth-full relationship, and it begins with me not holding back, and not investing in what would come out of it.
Yes, I have been realising this too with some of my friendships – everything is hunky dory as long as we keep everything light and on the surface. It feels that I also have an investment somewhere in holding back and maintaining the friendship at a level that does not include real intimacy. It all feels empty as I write down these words and begin to see the truth of the way I live life. As you have said ‘it begins with me not holding back, and not investing in what would come out of it’.
Yes Leigh so true we do feed the perception and whilst doing this blame someone else for the problem. As you say blame saps our energy and affects our very life force. It feels so freeing to have become aware of how energetically we can be self defeating and embrace a way that allows us to expand and enjoy life to the full.
This is very inspiring to read, and feel how the way we express to everyone is indeed not needed to be calibrated, we can share all of us in every situation.
Thank you Susan, great to read your blog, I realise how much of myself at times I hold back this has been a life long pattern. So true for me to remember” I am not perfect but this does not take away from the fact that I am a beauty-full, power-full and a play-full human being.”
Yes Jill it is so healing when we can appreciate our essence and begin the process of claiming our power and our presence as we expand and unfold.
Finding a common ground with a person based on ‘who has the most misery’ (which sometimes can turn into a competition between people) is awfully draining, but none the less I too have done it myself. These days however there is much more lightness in conversations as I choose to either just say how I am feeling (not perfect) or simply not engaging with the blaming and negative conversations. In work this doesn’t lead to many lengthy discussions but quiet frankly – why should we accept long winded expressions of how much our lives suck when the truth is if we stop giving energy to the perception that everything is terrible we find that life isn’t terrible. We feed that perception.
I love reading this blog and these comments because they also reflect what I see and hear when I meet with fellow students of Universal Medicine – that a people revolution is underway. So many people are letting go of the blame game and getting real about their part in life, healing the hurts, learning to speak their truth AND becoming more Awesome. I mean – how amazing is this!
Yes, Sarah the blogs and comments are a beautiful reflection and inspiration for everyone to be part of a gentle revolution that is building a way of livingness that will return us all eventually to the innate truth of life lived on this planet. and back once again to our essence. As you say as we become more real about our part in life we are letting go of the hurts and opening ourselves up to the Magic of God – something that has been available for a very long time and yet we are only recently realising the power of these simple moments that are calling us back.
Agree Sarah, ” a people revolution is taking place” and it so refreshing to create space in relationships where we can express what is felt within our bodies without any attachments of being right or wanting to be liked just the simplicity of truth in expression.
‘Creating space’ in relationships feels absolutely amazing – so often I have wanted to pin down all the details of a relationship and confine them in order to maintain them. This always had the opposite effect whereas ‘creating space’ allows room for relationships to develop and flourish.
Ah the blame game! It is so much easier to blame the world for our woes, than to take responsibility for our part in it.
“I am not perfect but this does not take away from the fact that I am a beauty-full, power-full and a play-full human being.” This presents a simple focus, to bring that beauty, power and playfulness into each day. Not complicated and very fulfilling!
Hey, that sounds gorgeously refreshing Simon – to bring beauty, power and playfulness into each day which as you say is not complicated. As I let go of all the complicated ways that I have contrived to ‘get me through life’ I am realising that life is something to rejoice in as each day brings moments of joy to be fully celebrated, even in the smallest of ways. As I learn to express what is in my heart – and let go of the head – I am able to connect to people in a way that is simple and honest – and heart warming. By tenderly sharing our love with others we all expand the Universe. As we express the truth in our hearts, which we have held back from expressing for so very long, we also let go of the contraction that has kept us separated.
Recently I was given some simple advice about expression and that was, connect to your body and enjoy expressing what has to be said.
That’s beautiful Joe – simplicity and truth go together so harmoniously as we express all that our body inspires in us.
The world is full of so many words, especially since we have now technology and a way to publish letters in ‘cyber space’. Yet as you poignantly illustrate Susan so much of what we say is designed it seems to cover up, obscure, brush under the carpet and obfuscate the actual truth of how we live. We may not always like what we hear, but to witness you and others beginning to speak with total honesty about how they feel, is a joy and deeply inspiring to me.
As you say we have so many words, and the world is so full of amazing inspiration – and so the question is why are we so ill equipped to express our truth? It feels like for aeons we have held back both on ourselves – and on humanity, as the world at times feels devoid or at least very lacking of true expression. As you have so beautifully expressed ‘so much of what we say is designed it seems to cover up, obscure, brush under the carpet and obfuscate the actual truth of how we live’ and it is expressions like yours Joseph that cut through all the ‘distraction’ and inspire us all to expand our moment of truth which will support the world to clear and return to God, and come together in wonderment of our ever evolving Universe.
The way that you are expressing now feels more truth-full and less guarded, and this reflection gives people the opportunity to feel your beautiful essence.
Yes, Peter, it’s beautiful to feel the freedom of expressing in a way that is more truthful and expansive as it allows a feeling of unity and at oneness with everyone. Our hearts fill with true joy as we communicate fully with the world from our essence.
This is great to read as holding grudges, i.e. with family can be very limiting and just a crutch to not look at our own issues. Yet when we do start to take responsibility in our expression, we may find people are not so open to listening. It reflects to them they also are not being responsible for issues they hold on to. There is much to benefit from seeing how much lovelessness keeps some relationships going and how others spring forth from being loving, open, honest and responsible. It brings us to deeply appreciate how true expression can lead to true relationship.
Yes, Simon, I find that when I hold grudges it limits not only that particular relationship but has repercussions on how I am with everybody. Holding grudges blocks the natural flow of our body – and of our interactions with others. Why is it that we are all searching for love and yet at times seem to go out of our way to destruct the very thing we are searching for. It is interesting that you say that ‘how much lovelessness keeps some relationships going’ and this is quite amazingly perverse when the alternative is to open our hearts and allow a strength and beauty to expand and bring a new level of depth to our intimacy with ourselves and with others.
“It feels as though I have wasted a lot of time not being myself”. Yes I can agree with this observation for myself, however everyday, now I am determined to mine a little deeper and bring forth the real me!
Your blog reminded me of the profoundly enabling support that Esoteric Practitioners offer, with each session representing an opportunity for making space in our lives where we can explore our issues in a way that feels entirely safe to be truly open and honest with ourselves and others.
Yes Cathy, an opportunity to explore an issue but not indulge in it, and at the same time get to feel where / how it feels in the body rather than chasing it round my head where it can be so much more slippery.
Thank you Susan for a beautiful sharing, I can so relate to your article, as I am opening up to honestly feel what is going on for me in my life, I can now relate in a much deeper way with others and really share me, the real me, not a role I am playing.
Beautiful topic Susan and I can relate to that. I feel we all can if we are truly honest with ourselves. All this time I was thinking I had to be someone only to discover that the greatest gift in the world is to just be me.
Such beautiful words iljakleintjes, and an amazing revelation when you say ‘I had to be someone only to discover that the greatest gift in the world is to just be me’. The profound simplicity of your words reaches out for us all to find this gift within.
Wasting time not being ourselves. When did we learn that we should be anything but ourself. Crazy life we have set up for ourselves. Set up for disappointment and failure.
So true Gail. I feel so blessed to have the awareness of this so I can choose to do something about it.
It is amazing to not hold back – old patterns just love to pop up occasionally and test those tentative steps to open up and freely express in truth (old roles we once played). Once I found my voice in full expression it was like a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders and paved the way for expanding this into how I live my day. To be really honest without holding back. Thank you Susan, such a beautiful sharing.
And thank you Marion for your inspiring comment – a comment that will support me today to let go of some more holding back. We are forever unfolding and as we learn to deal with life in a way that is evolving and expanding there are always new opportunities to explore ourselves further – and deeper.
What you expressed about letting the world see you all of you Susan is fantastic, giving other people a opportunity to experience and see that its possible and safe to drop all the roles that we play.
Thank you Thomas for both of your comments – and I so relate and agree that ‘a true friend is someone who at times brings our attention to something we may have not seen about ourselves and holds us accountable’. When I first came to Universal Medicine I found this kind of honesty rather challenging but as I became more open and understanding of true love I realised that I was being offered a great blessing. I began to let go of the shame and realised I was not so different from everyone else.
We often pick friends or like people as they agree or sympathise with us and don’t challenge us, yet a true friend is someone who at times brings our attention to something we may have not seen about ourselves and holds us accountable.
Expressing from truth is an awesome way to heal past hurts and very effective for ones evolution
Blaming others increases our separation to ourselves and what we want most – to give and receive love. Your honesty Susan clearly outlines a pattern we can all get caught in, a cycle that continues to perpetuate the opposite to truth. The first step is taking responsibility and the choosing honesty and loving expression in relationships. As you have found, it is never too late. Thank you for your honest blog and reflection to us all that the patterns we set up can be changed all we need to do is choose it.
I too spent many years holding my family at fault for various bad choices that I had made in my life. And like you I was using them as a way to get others to give me attention and to sympathise with me. How great is it to be able to appreciate not only ourselves for who we truly are – and the choices that we can make right now to change everything in our lives – but to appreciate our family as well as we are all walking the same path to return to who we truly are.
So true Naren. In so many ways our family can be our greatest teachers; but we are truly blessed when we begin to appreciate instead of resenting that our loved ones are just as imperfect as we are and also struggling along with the challenges and curve balls of life that come their way… for they too are ‘walking the same path of return’ back to who they truly are, just as we are.
Awesome point, Suse. That resentment we feel is so often borne from our view of our parents as being infallible and knowing everything. Rarely do we appreciate that they are figuring things out just as we are, and that they are making decisions based on what they feel is the best thing to do at the time, just as we are. Understanding and appreciation are what is needed to open up to the love that is here.
‘I am learning to express myself in a simple, clear honest way that truly represents who I am inside and who is not afraid of letting other people see my awesomeness. I am not perfect but this does not take away from the fact that I am a beauty-full, power-full and a play-full human being.’ Trying to be perfect is just like blaming others a great distraction of not dealing with our issues. I am learning to make mistakes without judging myself and feeling beauty-full, power-full and play-full at the same time, it is quite joy-full to not be so serious as we are when we try to be perfect.
Its a dead giveaway isn’t it, as soon as we start trying to get things right or be perfect we get very serious and forget about the natural ease, joy and playfullness that comes with keeping things simple, clear and honest.
Absolutely gorgeous Jeanette – your comment made such sense that I shared it with a friend standing nearby and we both received a healing. ‘Trying’ is for me a dead giveaway that I have lost connection and ‘forget about the natural ease, joy and playfullness that comes with keeping things simple, clear and honest’.
Reply Comments
‘ In desperation for the connection, instead of taking time and feeling into what was really hurting me, I would look outside of myself in a critical and judgmental way and choose a subject that would bring up common ground for both of us.’ Thank you Susan, how often have we found ourselves doing this with people. A great reminder to stay feeling our own truth and knowing that expressing that love is exactly what is needed. And our body lets us know that every time.
Reading your beautifully honest blog Susan inspired me to remember William Shakespeare’s words:
“This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!”
Whenever any of us have a problem most of us know the person to go to that will not challenge us on what we are saying but agree and confirm our behaviour so then we are able to blame others. So taking responsibility for any reaction we have for a situation is huge and at times a hard pill to swallow. What I have found with taking responsibility is that I develop the understanding as to why I was triggered/reacted in the first place then I am able to heal the hurt/issues that has arisen. This has been a great learning and a feeling of freedom and harmony to not be continually playing the blame game but reflecting on what it is for me.
I have recently allowed myself to feel the buried hurt I’ve felt from living overseas for almost 25 years, with no family around. It’s as though when I left the UK, my extended family ‘cut me off’. The few times I have been home to visit, I’ve felt a stiffness in the way I am, as though I’m covering something up. I’ve only now allowed myself to feel the hurt that I’ve kept buried, the hurt of feeling discarded, ‘out of sight, out of mind’, and heart. However, I’ve allowed this to be so from my own lack of self worth. I am now able to love myself on a far deeper level which will change things significantly moving forward.
Beautiful realization Alison.
Also the blame game has been a safety net of mine to, which is of course linked to not taking responsibility. I have used work and family as my ‘issues’ and am learning that it is all a reflection of how I am. If I am not letting them in to see and feel the Joy of me, then how can they do the same. I have the incredible power to light up a room with even a smile and to keep this from people is robbing them of a chance to feel this inside them too. Blame is such a comfort and one that stops connection.
Hi Susan, yes I can certainly relate to this ‘measuring’ and ‘filtering’ conversations with friends to allow a common ground that is comfortable for both. I find myself dodging jealousy for how amazing I feel and the incredible work I am doing on myself by always searching for issues with particular friends. I do this to show them I am still struggling and am just like them still – instead of expressing the wonder and joy I am feeling in re-discovering who I am and allowing them to be inspired by this. Even if jealousy comes my way, which it will, I can simply call it out and carry on with feeling me.
We only look for sympathy when we are not willing to be responsible for our part in every situation. If we are, then we don’t need sympathy because each incident is an opportunity to learn.
Wow Carmin, that is so true what you share in your comment – I know it because I was one of the people who looked for sympathy, only because I was not willing to be responsible for my part in some situations – ouch.
Wow, great comment Carmin, another level of responsibility to become more aware of.
That rings so true Jeanette – as we learn to love responsibility the ‘need’ drops away and sympathy can be seen in it’s true light of enabling.
Some great points here that I’m sure we all do Susan, changing ourselves to match the person we are with rather than just being ourselves, blaming others for our issues rather than taking responsibility for our part in them. Great things to be talking about. I know when I am not myself now because my laugh changes, fake, dead give away, then I have the opportunity to ask myself why I don’t feel like I can be myself and adjust.
Dear Susan, thank you for your honest sharing. I can absolutely relate to that as I still behave and talk very different when I am with my family, with friends, with my patients, colleagues etc. Your blog made me very aware of that fact and that it is time to change that. I feel that it comes from my wish of being accepted and my tendency not to make others feeling uncomfortable, which is of course just based on hurts…
Time to be me and time to be real!
In every single minute.
I love this evamariafoertsch. ‘Time to be real and time to be me in every single minute’ this is also a work in progress for me but the times when I am not be real and true to me feels so against who I truly am that it is becoming much more and more painful to live this way.
Isn´t it amazing how our awareness increases and to experience how the body feels more and more horrible when we are not true? The tension in my body sometimes gets so intense that I can hardly bear it at all…
Yes Eva Marie, it is the time for us all to ‘get real’. I was with my sister yesterday and again I could feel myself holding back. I was feeling tired and allowed this to affect my interactions rather than realising how much more energising it is when I fully express myself. Thank you for your comment for it was not until I began to answer you that I fully saw what I had been doing – that is what is so wonderful when we communicate this way and all support one another back to being real ‘In every single minute’.
It`s really not so easy to step out of our patterns and express in full. I experience huge automatisms when I met members of my family or certain friends or work colleagues. And even if I really want to express my truth and show all that I am, I notice slipping back into old ways of talking or also not talking… It`s really important that we constantly observe ourselves, but not in a judging way, and align to true expression whenever possible. We must never forget that our next sentence can change the whole energy immediately 🙂
And then we will be even more beautiful as we claim ourselves fully and ‘whole-heartedly’ Eva Maria. What grandness is ahead of us as we commit to express in a way that is without taint or bias.
I have a lovely opportunity today to see where I am at with this, at a family function, as I have been the one in the past to seek acceptance, not make others feel uncomfortable and to not rock the boat. I am looking forward to connecting with everyone from the real, the true me – I am finding it hurts to much too offer less than that. So appropriate to read this today.
It feels beautiful and deeply inspiring when we read what we need to read on a particular day – I feel that when we are open to the possibility of change we make space for support and love to enter our lives. It’s a little like your comment for me Jeanette as I too need to make space for allowing the love of God to enter fully into my heart. Thank you for your inspiration and your words as you say ‘I am finding it hurts to much too offer less than that’.
Susan, in response to your comment in response to mine :-), I can share that I went to the function, had such a beautiful time connecting to everyone with my heart wide open and rocked the boat. The rocking of the boat was simply me being me in full without holding back and what was awesome was that it broke a lot of perceptions, mine and others. The main one, that it is ok to be who you truly are. I went home feeling light and open and free. No hurting. I can feel also that there is much more to unfold from this.
I love the way that you say Jeanette that you ‘broke a lot of perceptions, mine and others’ – and it feels as though it is our own perceptions that have remained static and stuck. Once we begin to shift all the old perceptions and claim our power fully it is awesome to realise the depth of magic and beauty that we can offer others by way of inspiration as we bring the truth of the whole of us out into the world for all to see and reflect upon. We are then able to shine our light in a way that it is a beacon to all the world – and this begins with just one small change.
It’s so awful when we speak and act differently depending on who we are with or where we are. I can feel the awkwardness in those times. I call myself on it and try to see why I feel disconnected in the moment.
Earlier in my life I would not have been aware of speaking or acting differently, or if I did I took little notice of what I was doing, and the awkwardness either didn’t exist or I chose not to feel it, but like yourself Gail, the awkwardness nowadays is easily felt, and is a great reminder to come back to myself and to feel why I chose to disconnect.
It can also feel great to say out loud that I feel awkward at such times which often clears the air as others may be, more often than not, feeling the same way.
What you share is so true Jeanette, honestly expressing how awkward we are feeling when we actually feel it, literally brings a breath of fresh air to the heaviness and tension of the moment and just like a domino effect, frees us all.
I have felt this to be true as well Jeanette MacDonald. Sometimes letting go of the feeling that it might look or sound awkward for others gives others the permission to recognise their feelings are the same and there is not an ounce of judgement coming their way.
Instead of always holding back when we let go and allow the words to leave our mouths there is a moment of hesitation and a sense of wondering what the other person will say – and then I usually find that it has not only cleared the air for me but also for them – it’s as though we have both let go of all preconceptions and allowed the truth to stand alone and uncompromising. As you say there is not an ounce of judgement just a simplicity of expression and true love – the truth does not harm it only heals.
The only thing we can do is taking our responsibility in all that we do as we cannot change anybody by any of our actions, but only by our reflection. As you so beautifully portrayed Susan Lee with the line “I am learning to express myself in a simple, clear honest way that truly represents who I am inside and who is not afraid of letting other people see my awesomeness.” you give this reflection and this is for me the true way of living life, showing the way to a true and love filled way of live.
By doing what you have beautifully expressed here Nico and offer a reflection there is no imposing on another and they can feel free to make their own choices about how to be in life
In fact are we part of the magic of god when we choose to be a reflection for anyone to learn from as being a choice in life they also can make, from free will and not of being forced as such.
It is so true Susan that we are so measured in how we express with others, holding back what we really feel for fear of rejection or being hurt. It is a choice to express more openly and honestly what is really going on but it certainly allows others in more and for intimacy to grow.
It sure is Jennym and the crazy thing is we are actually hurting ourselves.
Agree Susan. I can relate to that behaviour I know doesn’t represent me. Blaming other people is a great example that I can relate to as well. I can see how much I can miss in those situations. When I mean miss, I mean lack of real connection with another person which can lead to meaningful discuss or even debate around real life issues rather than what pot wasn’t washed up the night before.
I’m starting to realise and claim that I want real discussion to be a part of my daily life. Truly connective and engaging conversations which leads both people in the conversation to evolve from whence it began.
Thank you Susan, it is so real what you say about at first that you did not allow the honesty and took away the focus on truth by denial and protecting yourself from it. I have lived in that way for so long, that I decided now, to come back and actually feel and see everything without compromise!
I can so relate to this feeling of not connecting with close friends and going into patterns of conversation and behaviour that just grow the disconnection. I am now much more aware that when this happens it’s because I haven’t committed to connecting to myself first and so haven’t been able to grow connection with others.
Very true Susan. I love this sentence: “I am not holding back and guarding myself and consequently others do not have to guess what it is I am feeling and thinking.” I’d love it if more people lived like you describe because it would make life so much simpler. And therefore I am too working on not holding back and guarding myself. How beautiful would it be in a world in which we all live in a simpler way . . .
This is what I am putting more into practice: not holding back. With sharing what I feel and think with others there is an opening for dialogue. I can start this. In family situations it can be different as ‘situations’ (patterns, keeping up appearances etc.) have been around for many years. Today I realized that it is not Time that keeps them around, but a conscious choice to not play games anymore and express what is truly inside of me. That thought in itself is liberating. The next thing that comes up are my personal investments in keeping those situations going. So that is my next inquiry, as you wrote Susan, what is there for me to look at and take responsibility for?
Thanks Susan for your blog.”…reverting to an old pattern that seemed familiar ” is something I can relate to when I’m expressing, but I’ve come to realise the dishonesty of not claiming and expressing who I truly am.
Thank you Susan for your honesty and openness in sharing. It brings a sense of trust even just from reading your blog.. and I can feel how it is then easier for another to be open with you, and not feeling such a need for protective behaviours or game playing, The fullness of this kind of communication between people can bring an enormous amount of healing and understanding. Imagine if we all could learn to relate with each other with this kind of honesty and responsibility, what level of clarity and awareness we have at our fingertips. It can then be about truly helping each other grow rather than constantly manoeuvering to keep our protection and survival mechanisms intact.
Thank you Susan. What a great realization to have regarding the waste of time it is in not being honest. With honesty and then truth comes great freedom.
Awesome comment Elizabeth – it’s so crazy that we waste so much time creating our own imprisonment. It makes no sense at all.
Thank you Susan for writing with such honesty and openness, I can relate to looking for sympathy in my life in the past, as it was a way to not to commit to life or be responsible in anyway. I especially love this line – ” I am learning to express myself in a simple, clear honest way that truly represents who I am inside and who is not afraid of letting other people see my awesomeness.” – Beautifully expressed and a great reminder for us all.
I used to be stuck in a cycle of blame as well. It is an awful place to be but also hugely disempowering. Learning how to take responsibility for my choices had made a difference in all aspects of my life. There are many things which would be months of angst and avoidance that are now not even on the radar.
I agree nicolesjardin, very dis-empowering. So many things are no longer an issue if we choose to engage with one another from a different place.
Yes, I agree iljakleintjes, when we let go of the tendency to be a victim and to feel the dis-empowerment that brings, we are opening ourselves up to an amazingly wonderful world where responsibility is a joy and not a burden. Life begins to make sense and to flow, and we begin the path back to connecting to ourselves fully and the awesome feeling of connecting with others.
Absolutely, Nicole, I can relate to what you have shared here and also how I have been most of my life, still victim to what I chose in my teen years and blaming my family for this not taking responsibility for what I chose and the consequences of this. Cutting the victim mentality is big but necessary to do so that you can start to make different choices.
It is our willingness to grow our understanding that builds our responsibility in life and the ability to make different choices.
It’s bizarre how we become so fascinated with maintaining being the victim as though it’s a choice we have made willingly – and it does feel that I was a willing victim and in some way gained enjoyment and identification from playing this part. It only takes a change of choices to begin to unravel what feels as though it has taken many lifetimes to build as an identity. Once we begin to change it brings amazing freedom and empowerment and we begin to emerge like a butterfly from our chrysalis as we spread our wings and learn to fly.
I can relate massively to your blog Susan, for a lot of my life I often said I find it hard to define my personality as it changes so much for everyone as I always change and base my behaviour and try to mimic whoever I am with at the time, the idea of being with people who had conflicting personalities was quite confusing for me as I then didn’t quite know which one to behave like but never the less found a way to make them both comfortable, this has continued to be a situation where there is a difference in how I live with some people and not with others and it all comes down to my lack of claiming who I am for myself
Thank you Susan. I too found that by taking responsibility for my choices and not playing the ‘poor me’ card I was able to see a bigger picture at play, and step into myself more fully. It is challenging at first, but far more rewarding to live the real me.
Thanks for your sharing Susan. Taking responsibility and expressing truth with clarity and love not only feels more honest, but it allows people to feel the real you, rather than someone seeking sympathy with what they are saying.
Thanks Susan! I have spent A LOT of time not being myself. Constantly afraid of hurting others by sharing how I truly feel about what I witness, whether it be between family members or friends, or work colleagues. Holding back however, has proven to be quite the disease for me. There is no need for it if I choose to express with love, and without any attachment to how the other person may react. After all, when I do choose to speak up I have noticed that it can be often be well received and even related to.
Thank you for sharing this Susan. It’s helped me gain more clarity when it comes to being honest in relationships and to see that we are shortchanging ourselves and others if we hold back that honesty as it doesn’t allow for any development or evolution. I can now see very clearly how important it is to speak up within the relationship rather than talk to others as a form of relief.
Taking responsibility and not blaming things on others makes life actually a lot simpler and easier. It’s like most of the ‘woe is me’ goes and you feel a lot freer to just be yourself with others. Thank you for sharing Susan.
So true Emily. The “woe is me” way of being doesn’t let us be our true self.
“I felt a deep urge to make a connection but didn’t know how to do it”, A line Susan that many can relate to. A inner knowing that many know, that there is more to our relationships, but finding our way there needs a little assistance.
To express myself according to who I truly am in full is something I still hold back. The beauty is though, that with support of Serge Benhayon I am aware of this and know how much more glory awaits the world, and I won’t stop working on this!
Your blog reminds me, that it is so important to give the other person the space to grow in its own pace. This habit of “Let me tell you…” is so imposing.
Most familiarities come from need and hurt, but nevertheless it is what binds us emotionally and at times is confused with love. So to let go of them can bring up a sense of unease, especially in the beginning. Like you describe, Susan, we are very much supported by a situation like a session where we feel safe to express without the restrictions and falseness to re-build some trust into just being ourselves and express honestly if not truthfully. With some trust we then can face ‘real life’ and introduce the real me to people, that is quite an adventure and very freeing and empowering – finally life becomes full and meaningful.
This is so True Alex – many relate to each other purely from hurt and in reaction to life. This becomes very comfortable in its familiarity but never do we get to truly know another or to bring our all.
Thank you Susan, I am learning to love and embrace all my imperfections and appreciated what you shared here – “I am not perfect but this does not take away from the fact that I am a beauty-full, power-full and a play-full human being.”
I have found for me that the reason I have so many different expressions with people all comes from my ability to calculate a situation and decide the best way that I can express to minimise conflict and keep a comfortable space between us. I do this because I feel as if I don’t want there to be a tension that arises when really what I have found that manipulating the way I am causes a great tension in my body. Because I know the consequences of not expressing I am starting to find it easier to express in different situations even if it makes another uncomfortable. Maybe then there is a reason they are uncomfortable and it gives them an opportunity to do something about that
What I really love about your blog Susan is where you have mentioned that you are not perfect but that doesn’t mean you are not beautiful and powerful because it’s so easy to feel ‘less’ when you don’t feel ‘perfect’. Just being reminded of this will support me when I make mistakes in my life or have my moments.
When i read your blog Susan i can feel how harmful and untrue so many of our conversations are. Its so stagnant to keep communicating at this shallow polite level, keeping everyone where they are at. Evolution will come if we are prepared to look honestly at what keeps us from saying how we feel and re-learning the power of true expression.
Great point Lucinda, I know those shallow polite what is the weather like conversations. I use them sometimes to manipulate the situation because I don’t want to connect deeper and/or am avoiding a certain topic that might come up. When I use this ‘technique’, I can feel how tired I get and also how my voice changes. It does not support me nor the other and true, there is no growing together and learning from each other.
This is so crucial Lucinda, and as I am coming from a place to be nice it is a relearning to be true in front of others.
As we begin to make true expression our way, the involution of measurement becomes horribly apparent.
Susan your blog has made me reflect on the fact that I always used to be different with different people, perhaps it could be called expression but it was certainly not true expression. There was never the real me in expression and so whilst I would appear to have a multiple personality not one person, including myself got to actually know me. Since coming to Universal Medicine and meeting Serge Benhayon I now know who I truly am and what my true expression is and gradually learning to live this. What I’ve noticed most is how much simpler it can be when I simply let myself be me and express from that.
Life would be so much simpler if we expressed our truth, all of the time and didn’t have a different version of ourselves to create with everyone.
So true Harry. Life would be so much more simple and straight forward and a lot less exhausting If we continually lived and expressed the real us.
A lovingly shared article Susan – thank you. One which rings many bells for me too. Only recently I allowed myself to wallow in feeling sorry for myself!! A family member had reacted in a way which felt ‘hurtful’, I did not immediately respond and express what I felt was the truth and the situation hung around for hours. Not a very nice atmosphere for anyone to walk into and feel, the impact of that in my body felt so heavy. Once I addressed this behaviour I opened up the conversation again and expressed, not holding back and a lightness and playfulness returned.
Most of my life I have lived in a very guarded way, trying to fit in to the picture of the good and nice, so much so that I really didn’t want a self, having opinions and ideas could create conflict, and this would not fall into the good and nice way that I wanted to be seen. Since coming to Universal Medicine, and adopting the teachings as a way of life, I have started to discover that there is a real and true me, full of love at my very essence. As a result I have been learning to express honestly what I feel. It is slowly happening for me and the fear of getting it wrong is becoming less and less. I am actually beginning to really enjoy, feeling and expressing me.
Thank you Susan. I can relate to what you share here. I have been sympathetic with myself as a way of connecting with others and not seeing the full picture of situations involving conflict or even just with how I related to me.
Expressing my truth, being open and honest with what I feel and who I am is something that I am building trust with and it is awesome to start to look at and address this very old pattern of behaviour.
I thank you Susan for your insightful sharing. I too have found it difficult to express myself truthfully being myself at all times. I am working towards expression with all from the heart . Writing these comments is helping me to grow enormously. From a person who was afraid I might not say the right thing to someone who enjoys expressing myself no matter what others think, but seeing myself as equal to all.
Allowing and giving ourselves the space to truly be with others, from our essence, is true expression – once tasted forever hungry for.
So true Giselle, once we’ve tasted the foods from home again, we are forever hungry for more.
Great observation of how easily we can change the way we express and communicate for the sake of a sense of closeness and familiarity and sympathy from others – but doesn’t it always feel awful afterwards?
Hello Susan, I love blogs on expression, I could feel in me as I read the changes I’m in right now that reflect the new levels of connection and understanding for myself and how that translates to how I express myself. I could feel how I never wanted anyone to know the true me and how I’ve been hiding that. I can feel the harm that comes from embodying less and how by embodying all of me and fully expressing, that the healing there is (by reflection) for all.
Hi Susan, What you have written here is so very true – a different persona depending on who we are with, friends, family, work colleagues and why is that. Just being all we are with everyone is all that is required, simple really. Great blog.
I am experiencing the same: not holding back anymore. Let others ánd myself see me in full and express from there. It is indeed liberating. I am getting to know me better with every person I meet.
Looking back over my life: “It feels as though I have wasted a lot of time not being myself!”. This line really jumped out for me, as it perfectly described the way I used to live my life, but from the moment I attended my first Serge Benhayon workshop in 2005, that begin to change in so many ways. Now there is only one way to live my life and that is being my amazing self!
I am aware that I used to talk about my family or work issues with friends in a righteous way, I could feel I off loaded and seeked sympathy. Learning to take responsibility for myself has meant that I do not feel the need to ‘off load’ as I once did. I am aware that ‘off loading’ issues on to another person is no more loving than being abusive. This is why responsibility is so glorious it offers a way of living life that is so much more truthful, loving and connected.
How true Samantha, when I look back at how I use to feel about my family it was no wonder that things felt uncomfortable and off loading certainly only exacerbated the situation, and as you say was abusive. I so agree that ‘responsibility is so glorious it offers a way of living life that is so much more truthful, loving and connected. How wonderful when we can appreciate the value of responsibility.
I find it interesting, how my body posture adjusts according to whom I engage with. The moment I lose presence, I hold myself differently – when I talk to my Mum or to my friends or to clients… Whereas when I am the full me, I don’t adjust to the other person. I then only adjust to what I feel deep inside and what support my body needs.
An interesting find to which I can very well relate. When I am truly me, there is no need to adjust or calibrate to anyone, but when I lose my presence and with that the trust in myself I will try to stage up a show in order to distract from the vulnerability that I feel inside of me.
Dear Susan, just this morning I had the feeling that I don’t want to hide any part of myself any more.. Then it is your blog that I open and read. Thank you for highlighting for me that it is through how I express that will bring forward the true me for all to see. I have felt recently, as you have written here how I express differently with family, friends or even strangers. In having this awareness I have begun the process of catching myself when I feel my guard going up and dropping into my body. Once I am in my body I feel me and I feel safe, still and very able to say what ever is needed.
I feel exactly as you that I have wasted a lot of time not being me. Just the other day I slipped into some old ways of expressing with people I don’t know that well socially and it actually hurt me physically the next day I felt like I had a hangover, the hurt was choosing to be much less than I live and it was super painful. I had not ever felt how expressing less was harming to my body but now I know!
So true Vanessa, I too have felt this, our bodies really don’t want us to be less than everything we are. My body feels so alive when I fill it in full.
This is a bit of an ouch moment, as I truly consider how much time has been wasted as I have held back from expressing and how I can see that has directly affected those around me and in turn holding them back
Oliver, I’ve had the same ouch moment. Once felt you can feel the responsibility we hold to express all that we are.
Amazing to feel how clear and honest our bodies are when we listen to what they are saying.
I could feel the ease that would be created by just being ourselves when we express. It is exhausting putting on one hat for our friends, one for colleagues, one for family etc. And if they are ever in the one place at the same time, its a potential meltdown! I can also relate to the sympathy we go for when we talk with friends. It may make you feel better and understood but it doesn’t change anything. You still have that issue and it will keep coming up until we start to look at it with fresh eyes and with self-responsibility.
Expressing from truth has enourmous healing potential not only for the person expressing but also for the person listening, thanks Susan for the article
It’s been a huge work in progress for me over the years to not be the chameleon I once was. Forever adapting to different groups of people trying to be what I thought people wanted me to be. These days, I’ve consolidated all the different versions of myself and leaving the parts that don’t feel true behind. I’m still refining the true me, but this time it’s a rounded package that has no need to pull out any smoke screens and is with me in all my relationships.
I love your analogy of being a chameleon Elodie for it is something I am also very much a work in progress on and am sure we all can relate to doing in response to the pressure we feel around us to stay small, please and conform to the expectations of others and hide our true selves.
I love that Lee that you feel like you have wasted a lot of time not being you, I completely relate and are forever unfolding to how I can just be myself no big deal! It’s so worth it!
It is amazing the myriad of different ways we can choose to divert attention away from what we are truly feeling or the lesson there to be learnt, denying us the truth. It is gorgeous to read of you taking responsibility and getting honest and the inspiring transformation that has come from that loving choice.
Yes Samantha – I am also amazed at ‘ the myriad of different ways we can choose to divert attention away from what we are truly feeling’ and how this then subverts all our natural expression to become stilted and unresponsive. It does take daily commitment to change these old patterns but the result I am finding is that I gradually begin to open up to the truth and allow that to be my expression, developing into a powerful and loving way to be in the world.
When we are not us and holding back the truth of us, we are often not aware that the other person always feels this. Even though probably not fully consciously because most of the people are guarded and not truly showing themselves aswell, but they feel, I can stay in control aswell, because the other person is. What I realized, beside the fact that it doesn´t serve anything or anybody to hold myself back in not showing myself fully, that I stay lonely in myself. Because I cut myself of the connection to the other, no matter how open the other person is in this case.
This is so true Steffi – when I hold myself back in isolation I am holding the world to ransom – I am saying this is all about me and how I feel and you are not as important as me protecting myself. It’s no wonder that we all feel so separate when we go out of our way to maintain this stance.
The world can miraculously change when we allow ourselves to move beyond our comfort zone and we connect and suddenly the whole world has changed and become lighter and more open for everyone. How beautiful it is as we all learn to express and enjoy one another’s expression – it’s the most wonderful and infectious feeling.
It so is Susan, wonderful, infectious and leaves you wanting to continue to engage in our lives, to be present, to enjoy people to enjoy life.
Steffihenn it is so true that holding back from sharing ourselves with the world is a very lonely place. Nothing feels more gorgeous than when someone ‘gets’ me, but if I do not express myself fully, what is there to get?
Humanity rely on the expression to manipulate situations and create and re-create identities that seemingly ‘suit us’. So, we talk to create sympathy, to make another one to ‘see’ the world as we do. It is not hard to see why the conversations that we may have do not really serve us to walk forward in life. As Adam rightly said, we seek relief through them because the alignment with us brings that in us.
So true Emfeldman, we do spend a lot of time wanting other people to see things our way, as do a lot of other people, there fore a huge set up for arguments. I am in the process of letting this way at expressing go and allowing others to be how they want to be. I am learning to speak without any need for any one else to agree or get it. Rebuilding my trust in myself is integral in this process.
Quite often we mistake the feeling of relief that comes with expressing how we feel as being healing. Of course it a a lot closer to coming to a point of healing than the person who holds back expressing what they feel, and yet in itself brings no healing whatsoever – unless it comes with the honesty and willingness to observe and understand what is really going on underneath the surface for ourselves and for others.
Thank you Adam for your comment – it offers a deeper understanding of honesty and expression and how there is always a need to be aware of the depth of commitment required to always be willing to connect to a deeper understanding of ourselves. It feels that over many lifetimes we have denied and covered up the truth and that each realisation brings with it a new and ever evolving experience to truly know and embrace ourselves in humility and love.
Thank you, Susan. I totally relate to what you are sharing. I too have presented myself in a different way to different people, holding back from being myself in full. If acknowledging that I am beauty-full and a totally awesome person, so why not show that in full, to everyone, wasn’t enough ……. the thing that really made me stop and feel how very harmful it is to me and others to NOT be myself in full, was the realisation that by holding back with any one person was like saying ‘I don’t love you enough to share all of me with you in this moment’.
Thank you so much for your comment – ‘‘I don’t love you enough to share all of me with you in this moment’ – that certainly feels like a big ouch moment for me as I recall how much I have held back on people. It is so helpful to feel the true impact of holding back and how self serving I can become. I feel humbled by all the support I receive from you and everyone as we all contribute to one another’s expansion and evolvement as we learn to express our truth. We have been truly blessed by the example of the Benhayon Family.
Being equally loving with whomever I meet, is something I always knew was the only way for me to be. But it was not until I met Serge Benhayon that I actually found someone living this. With his support I could connect to this very natural expression and practice it playfully – being a student in this school is real fun.
Well said Felix, these are so much my sentiments. deep inside I knew everyone was/is equal but it was not my experience of how others behaved and I came to believe I was naive. Consequently I enjoined with everyone else in judgment and comparison. To undo the years of behaviour is a challenge but so rewarding, liberating and feels so true.
Yes, Jonathan, I can relate to that – I feel we do all have that innate sense of equality, but it feels like we are bombarded with messages that tell us differently and we allow that to undermine our own sense of our truth. When we begin the reversal we feel re-assured and re-affirmed and this allows us to see that we can trust our deeper feelings within and that we were not naive when we trusted ourselves.
Thanks for your honesty around seeking sympathy Susan. I think you’re speaking to the majority here. I know, for me, since I started to take responsibility for myself and my choices, I seek sympathy far less than I used to. I definitely used to run with the ‘poor me’ story, and occasionally still fall into that trap. But more often than not now, I feel like I can relay a story about something that happened as an observation and seek no sympathy for the story whatsoever as I’ve accepted my part in it, and if I do get sympathy, I have to say, it doesn’t feel very good and I don’t take it on.
Thank you Elodie – that feels great highlighting how once we are no longer seeking sympathy, it doesn’t feel so good. The other thing that I have noticed is that it actually feels quite imposing and allows me to see how we are so very responsible for what we express, and the outcome and impact it can have on others.
I have also wasted a lot of time not being me, so I appreciate myself extra for the choices that I am making now to be more and more all of me and to express with love and truth with all those around me.
As with you Susan, many of us ‘wasted a lot of time not being’ ourselves before we met Serge Benhayon and he presented another way. As you say, when we express from our fullness it is much more freeing as we ‘allow that tender, precious and play-full ‘me’ to explore and experience the world in a whole new way’.
Thank you Anne, I am realising more and more how expression and learning to express more fully is just the tip of the iceberg – the deeper I go the fuller the expression. Exploring all the many layers opens us to an unending source of possibilities and choices that can become expansive and beautiful as we continue.
I agree Susan and with these choices the level of depth we can go with our relationships with others astounds me. The sky is the limit when we open up ourselves to the world.
These are awesome patterns that you expose for us here Susan, familiar I’m sure to all of us in some way or the other. What a great area of development for us all!
Susan, I found that I too used to share with friends about negative things happening in my life to get support and sympathy but it never felt honouring of me or the people i was talking about. It is still a challenge for me to feel in my body and to express what is truly there to express rather than the usual comfort talk, but I am working on that and can usually catch myself before I engage in the conversation! Allowing others to feel the true me is a winner for all!
It is so stunning in how far we callibrate to the world around us in order to keep us from feeling the responsibility for our lives and the hurts we carry with us. We become completely different from what we are inside of us. Taking this responsibility and dealing with our lives will make incredible changes, we suddenly can relax, as we do not have to protect us everywhere we are and go and can put away the armour we had put on and walk through life lightly and joyful.
I agree michaelkremer2212, the degree to which we change who we are based on who we are with well worth reflecting on.
So true Michael. Dealing with our hurts leads to a letting go of the hardness and protection that we carry around. Opening up and showing my vulnerability is an ongoing learning for me. But the changes in my body, my relationships and how I live day to day is a continual source of appreciation and amazement for me.
So true Michaelkremer,
The moment I took on responsibility for my life things began to change. Initially it was very much in my face and there were many things it would have been easy to drop into blame about. However I could plainly see that my choices had gotten me to where I was. Then I also began to appreciate where I truly was at, as if I had not begun to choose to care for and love myself, I would never have taken responsibility for my choices. Then the true appreciation and understanding dropped into my body. And the fun and joy began.
Yes Michael beautifully true. That armour can get mighty heavy over time. It really does allow life to open up in a myriad of ways when we let go of our past hurts and choices and take responsbility for ourselves.
Agree michaelkremer2212, what a joy witin our bodies to be able to let go of the armour we have been carrying for so long! and offer our tue reflecion of who we are to the world. Thank God for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for allowing me to do this in my life.
Hello Susan, I love how you simply describe this, “I have started meeting people at Universal Medicine workshops and events who like me, are learning to take responsibility for their lives and the way they live them.” This is a clear message for everyone, thank you.
Thank you Ray for your comment – it is so healing when we take responsibility as it allows us to see the whole picture and not just paint a picture that doesn’t tell the whole story. Sometimes I can shrink away from it – and then I feel so horrible inside, as though I am trying to fit myself into a perfect picture.
I love how you describe being able to see the whole picture rather than trying to fit yourself into a perceived perfect picture. A bit like Alice in Wonderland making herself big or small to fit through the rabbit hole. Responsibility in expression is key.
So true Anne – I can definitely relate to the smallness – I have wanted to become small and invisible whilst at the same time seeking and identity in the world – how perverse is that? When I take responsibility for my expression in the way that I live each detail of my life I don’t have the need to fit into a picture as I embrace the whole of me, and in so doing embrace the world.
Thank you Susan, so lovely to read your blog this morning as I prepare to go for an interview. It allowed me to appreciate that when I go to the interview, rather than get caught up in all the trying to do well and impress everyone, all I have to remember is to bring all of me – simple!
Hi Jane – thank you for your comment – as you say life is so simple when we remember to bring all of us to the world. When we try to impress we bring in everything that is not truly us to try and be someone else – how crazy is that when we are enough as we are.
This is so beautiful Sue how you express you were looking for a way to connect with the friend, but chose something outside for that expression – a common ground. So it wasn’t so much about what you were saying but more about the connection with the person. Now you understand that, and have moved from the blame game with your family, you can let your friend fully in to express instead how your family has made you feel, in full honesty. What a blessing for the world; to also give them permission to talk about how events truly make them feel rather than only talking about how it looks on the outside. This keeps people at arms length – a protection for ourselves – that doesn’t want them to see your vulnerability which they might then further hurt you with, on top of the hurt already felt from your family. I love this and it is helping me with my current development where I am working on letting people in.
Thank you for your comment Ginadunlop – as you say we are protecting ourselves from showing our vulnerability and that seems a crazy thing to do as it is our vulnerability that allows us to feel the hurt and begin to heal from the pain. The more we allow people to see our sensitivity and fragility the more they are able to feel this in themselves – to connect to the tender sides of our nature is something that allows us to open to the world and truly let people in.
Thanks Susan for your beautiful reminder that it is when we first open up and allow our vulnerability to be felt in the honesty of our expression, that allows another the possibility to open up and trust more. Protection and hardness only beget more protection from another and the sense of threat. Opening up, being love, is allowing others in and from there healing can begin.
Yes Annie – and that is just the beginning! I find that as I allow others in, the healing allows more awareness to support me to go deeper and to become more willing to surrender and let go of the past. I am realising that there is nothing to let go of – only my stubbornness and even that is now lessening. As I become more willing to look at it the power of it is gradually dissipating.
well said Susan, embracing our vulnerability allows us to experience true intimacy in our relationships as we let others in to see us in full of how we are, this is very powerful as often people express and interact depending on how they’d like to be seen not the true essence of who they are.
Well put Gina… and when we live our life keeping people out at an arms length we would end up feeling so lonely. If we ever get a moment to feel what it’s like being guarded and shutting people out, like at the end of that day… we know it feels absolutely awful…
The way of relating to people through finding common ground is something that is drummed into us from young. If we don’t, we often are left alone and school can be a lonely place. Learning to talk about ‘surface’ details allows us to never actually be fully present to who we are. I guess the need for acceptance over-rules the inner anguish of wanting to be seen in truthful light. It’s a bit ridiculous to say the least because the innermost, in which the truth of who we are resides, is the most common denominator amongst every human being.
“It feels as though I have wasted a lot of time not being myself!” here here! This blog makes so much sense to me, I could read it everyday. not hiding any of me anymore, now thats something I would like to try myself!
I loved reading this Susan, and can relate to the kinds of blah blamey victimy conversations that used to be the norm with friends, just wallowing in my own mud really. I so treasure now that I have friendships where I am open to being pulled up, or pulling up, looking openly to where my responsibility is, or the part I play. And so I am able to get easily unstuck! No more getting bogged. I treasure this huge shift, the greatest gift.
I have also noticed how different personas are easily adopted depending on whom we talk to and measured by what we think we need to get out of the exchange – an altogether very dishonest way to relate and also very imposing and manipulative. And then, do we really ever get out of it what was expected, does it ever measure up to our expectations or does it totally miss the mark? Writing about it now I can feel how controlling that way of being and relating is in truth.
How much simpler are things when we take responsibility for ourselves and stop blaming everyone for everything. This has been so freeing for me.
When we bring our greatness out and express from there, we can feel in advance that in general the world is not playing ball with that, they’re hiding their greatness and we all fit in as a result. It’s a big coming out to accept the self and express from that great fullness of light we each truly are, knowing that it will indeed feel unsettling, yet it’s really more like awakening for others.
Living life in constant protection of our hurts is exhausting! It is lovely to see how by taking responsibility of your life, through the choices made, you have allowed to be transparent and be you and as a result enjoy a deeper and richer relationship with yourself and others.
Those superficial communications don’t serve anyone do they? I recognise how I have been communicating in that way with an elderly lady at one of the places I work. She is someone I feel I ought to know about, as she knows all the members of my family but not me hers. I have been holding back because of not wanting to admit my lack of knowledge about her family but that is so silly. I can feel how she would appreciate my being more connected – to myself and her!
Thank you Susan for such a brilliantly honest blog. Taking responsibility and being honest with ourselves is a beautiful way to start our journey back to our inner heart.
Thank you Sue. Much of what you share resonated very clearly with me – especially your final comment “It feels as though I have wasted a lot of time not being myself!” I said a loud ‘Oh, yes’ as I read this and shared with you the joy of appreciation of yourself and myself.
I am starting to realise that we have all wasted too much time not being ourselves – thanks for the reminder Mary.
Why is it that we have spent so many lifetimes not being ourselves when the simple choice brings us so much joy and ease?Today I will stop the fight against the natural flow……..and surrender my will to align with God’s.
It is so easy to go into the role playing of what we think we should be saying and how we choose who to speak to and who not so we can keep the conversation on a shallow comfortable level. It takes trust within ourselves to express honestly allowing a much deeper connection to understanding ourselves, and opens us to understanding other people more also. This can allow an opportunity for others to feel safe enough to be able to open up and express more fully also.
Susan I have also wasted a lot of time in sympathy, or just filling the moments up with shallow conversation when what I really love is the deep stuff that makes people tick. You have to be sincere and truly open for it to work, which requires commitment, integrity and courage. It is worth developing, you find out how amazing people are.
Thank you Susan for exposing the trap, of leaving our true selves behind, so many fall into. I can certainly relate to what has been shared and even from a young age was aware of playing different roles with different people, as when it came to social events couldn’t imagine being with all of the people at the same time! Looking back now it seems a waste of energy and a great disservice to myself and everyone else. I too am learning that “When I am in my fullness – in that I am not holding myself back – I am allowing the world to see me fully” If we all allowed this in every moment, how much brighter and honest would life be?
Great Susan! I have fallen into the same trap as you. It certainly takes a bit of practice to be more honest and true whilst being gentle at the same time. Sometimes I have a tendency to blurt my feelings out without considering how the other person might receive the message. It’s important to be open and honest at all times and in doing that you are absolutely bound to upset people uninentionally, however I’m learning to deliver the message with less emotion, like anger or frustration and more from an observation whilst still taking responsibility for my feelings.
This is so lovely. This is a true example of how one allows themselves the grace of communicating and slowly slowly opening themselves up for all to see, equally so. Very beautiful Susan.
Hi Susan, I can relate to what you are saying about acting differently depending who I am with, it is like playing many different roles but hardly ever being my true self. This used to be quite extreme but has changed enormously over the last years. Not playing these roles and expressing more and more from my natural self comes with an inner calmness and relaxation that is simply delicious and an awesome way to be.
Thank you Susan for this little gem of a blog. I can relate to everything you have written and have had the same friendships, where we just sympathise with each other but do not take responsibility for our own choices and hence the dishonesty. I used to change myself to fit in with whatever someone else wanted, so that I would be worth being friends with. So for me finding out who I am without trying to please everyone else has and is changing my life and continues to, as I come back to myself more and more.
Coming back to this blog I can really relate to that feeling of dropping back into old habits of speaking to people, especially my family. That and how horrible it can feel if that way of relating and interacting with them is not a pleasant quality – if it comes from hurt, frustration, judgement for past or present situations and how those feelings can have a negative affect beyond the interaction. Re-reading your blog allowed me a chance to stop and look back (not far back as such a situation occurred moments before reading this blog!) at how I interact with my family, how it feels and how I know from experience in expressing honestly with others in my life, that I don’t have to go back into those old ways. And regardless of what has been before it is never too late to change if we are willing to get over what has been done and said. Thank you Susan.
It is so amazing once we allow ourselves to be really honest with ourselves so much is revealed and the healing can begin. Instead of ‘diverting attention away from truth’ and living in a way which is not self loving which serves no one. Such a beautiful sharing Susan – thank you
“When I am in my fullness – in that I am not holding myself back – I am allowing the world to see me fully. Expressing from this place is much more freeing as I allow that tender, precious and play-full ‘me’ to explore and experience the world in a whole new way. In being able to see me fully, others can feel a sense of the fact that I am not hiding any part of myself or my life from them. I am not holding back and guarding myself and consequently others do not have to guess what it is I am feeling and thinking.”
I love what you write here Susan. I would also add …
When I am in my fullness I share from my lived experience which is so beautiful to feel in my body.
In the past I spent a lot of time listening to friends stories getting hooked into the drama and emotions. I would then either become the counsellor, trying to find solutions to their woes or attempt to enjoin them and try to tell stories too (something I was never good at). In the end I realised there was a false sense of connection without true intimacy and love. I am now learning to bring my relationships back to this point of transparent connection thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
It may feel like we wasted time not being our true selves, but really it’s now that matters, the fact that now we have the awareness to know the difference and can build true connections and relationships with others that we bring our whole being to.
Thank you Susan – I often have found myself ‘trying to find comfort in common ground’ with others and playing the victim or making myself out to ‘not know’ something has also been a trick so as not to show off and embarrass the other person. Crazy antics so as to not fully shine – a waste of my light and love – it is changing and I am more me today which is worth celebrating.
A great blog written with great honesty.
It’s great to be writing about patterns and habits of expression. They are so seditious, and we think that these expressions are us, when they are truly not, just a configured vocal arrangement expressed to extort or persuade or cajole, whereas words spoken from the heart are one of the greatest experiences of sound healing that the world can feel.
‘It feels as though I have wasted a lot of time not being myself!’ – this is so true Susan and when you stop and consider this, it actually sounds odd that we would even consider not being ourselves.
This is so true Madeline, why would we waste time – when most of the time we seem to be squeezing too much into the time that we do have. There is a perversity about making life so difficult for ourselves when the answer lies in simplicity.
A great reminder Susan sometimes I catch myself repeating old patterns in family gatherings and recognizing how awful this feels,
Another reminder to take responsibility.
I agree Lynda, I find that family gatherings can become a very emotional pull – the pattern of how I relate within this circle can gather momentum if I am not fully present with myself. It feels like there are so many relationships that are pulling all different ways and at one time or another they have all impacted on my life since I was born. Each time we meet the patterns can become more embedded unless I stop and recognise what is happening, and make different choices that are honouring of each member. Family is not a ready made package – they are all amazing individuals in their own right and it feels important to recognise this fact.
I totally relate to what you share Susan – taking responsibility for the way I am living my life has been supported by Serge Benhayon and his work with Universal Medicine. Learning to be honest and looking deeper at what has been buried for so long has allowed an openness with myself which I can then share with everyone that I connect with, in what ever I am doing.
Me too Natalie, and I am finding the honesty is not only quite freeing of old patterns and behaviours, but it makes possible a space for another to communicate also what they are feeling, still a work in progress, but amazing what can transpire when we can relate in this way!
I loved this blog and feel the essence of it is captured in these words – “When I am in my fullness – in that I am not holding myself back – I am allowing the world to see me fully” It makes so much sense when reading it in black and white, and made me wonder why I would ever choose to be anything less than that?
Susan, the way you describe how you are when being in your fullness feels for me as you are describing how a baby explores and express in the world without holding back and knowing clearly what is true or not. Not holding back because of any taken on ideal of belief because it is pure and yet still unaffected by parenting and educational demands, something just feels ok or not!
For me it feels great to return to this way of being that most of us have left behind because of the demands that were put on us in our childhood and the rest of our lives. Living as innocent as a baby, being playful and full of joy is the way of living I am going to explore.
That is so inspiring – there is something so joy-full in a way that a baby and young child explores the world and as my expression becomes freer and less controlled I find myself engaging with children more and more.
Hi Susan, your post has made me see how the roles I have taken on hold me in my old patterns when expressing with family and friends. For example, I am the youngest child – what would I know? By dropping the roles life can be so much more joyful, honest and healing for us all.
“It feels as though I have wasted a lot of time not being myself!” Susan I’m thankful to Universal Medicine for having made me realise this very truth.
Thank you for sharing so honestly Susan. I agree it is funny how we waste so much time not being ourselves and we do this despite how totally exhausting it is!
Totally agree Kathleenbaldwin, and yet it is so easy to slip into roles and patterns that engage sympathy or recognition from another, that actually being truly ourselves can seem odd at first. But you are right, it is so exhausting, and not only that, it doesn’t move anything forward, just keeps everything in the same drama or whatever the energy is. Starting to just be myself is so much more simple, and feels so much clearer – definitely worth it, regardless of how others take it.
Hi Annie, funny you should mention drama as this is what I have been observing in myself and others lately. I have learned that drama plays a big part in holding me back from simply being myself. It is so addictive on par with how addictive emotions are I would guess. I can see clearly how strong the identification of self is associated with drama while being our self is just that, simply ‘being’ and not in the drama of the doing; So ‘being’ our self is understandably, simpler, clearer and less exhausting than dramatically ‘doing’ our self over.
I was touched Susan by how your sessions allowed you to start to be the real you, in a safe and supportive space with no strings attached. It seems simple but how powerful that you could experiment and build trust, then bring that quality to the rest of life.
I really love this line “I am learning to express myself in a simple, clear honest way that truly represents who I am inside and who is not afraid of letting other people see my awesomeness” – absolutely the best way to express 🙂
I do notice the inertia around meeting family members – old patterns of behaviour wanting to creep in. In seeing these, it is not difficult to stay being myself and reflecting back to others, a sense of true freedom from being caught in roles. It is when theses roles go unnoticed and I see them as being me, that the greatest wall goes up in relating to others, because there is no true meeting of each other. Yes there is a different kind of inertia around others besides family and to be honest, even around Universal Medicine practitioners! Yet in these sessions, because of the reflection that the practitioners offer, there is an opportunity, a call to go to a deeper level of honesty about what I am truly feeling, so it is not only the time on the table that is beneficial, but also the time talking before and sometimes after session.
I can feel from your blog here Susan that your willingness to be honest with yourself has brought great and long lasting change to your life, the lives of your family and all those around you. Inspiring and beautiful.
Thank you Susan. I can relate to this chameleon effect and how we change ourselves and fit ourselves around what we feel an other would want or expect. I have come to realise how this serves no-one and the colluding that we all play along with has us all going around in circles. I am also learning to express from truth and bring all of me to my relationships and I can truly stay they are deepening and evolving beyond anything I had previously experienced In a lighthearted, genuine and playful way.
Thank you Susan. Reading your blog has just reminded me of how I can still catch myself deciding how much of myself I am willing to reveal in my expression with others and what a complex process it becomes when I do this. In contrast, when I am simply being me my expression is light, joyful and flows beautifully.
The loving directness of an esoteric practitioner is unequalled and can assist in removing the layers that are not us. As you mention, Susan this can be difficult to hear, but boy once I allow myself to sit with what is offered and truly understand this and open up and relax – wow – the world is my oyster.
I hear you Francene. In truth we all have the potential to found and develop an honest connection and relationship with not only our esoteric practitioners but equally with anyone else for that matter to support and nourish us. For when any relationship is as honest as it is loving it allows you both to let go of so many more layers of hurt hidden beneath the behaviours and patterns that we protect ourselves with.
Thank you, Susan. I love how you say ‘In being able to see me fully, others can feel a sense of the fact that I am not hiding any part of myself or my life from them. I am not holding back and guarding myself and consequently others do not have to guess what it is I am feeling and thinking.’ I have been on the receiving end of this, where I am not sure how the other person is really feeling, but I am aware that they aren’t being totally open and honest with me. I also know that I have done the same too. I’m finding that my relationships are so much richer and more joyful from being more open and sharing honestly.
The notion of ‘familiarity with friends’ was something this blog highlighted as a trait I have applied to communicating with my family – in how I have relied on the comfort that exists when I express from less than honesty and truth, and allowed to ‘get away with it’ in the home.
Conversely, beginning to express more from how I feel has had the profound effect of developing a marker for the family to claim within the home that ‘expecting to get away with it’ does not support any of us and is no longer the norm.
I really resonate with what you say about getting away with it … It’s not acceptable anymore!
Our expression can be so much more as you so clearly show us Susan. As you say, when we learn this “new way of expressing – with clarity and love, but without the sympathy” we will bring all what we are with and openness and playfulness that will be much appreciated in the connection we have with other people around us in our families, work and neighbourhoods.
The saying “honesty is the best policy” is the first step. Thanks for a great article about this.
Susan you raise such a pertinent question……who are we being at any given moment ? God is always asking us the same question until one day we collectively chorus “God, there is not a single one of us, who is not being God’ and at that precise moment up we go, to the next level. Life is like the original computer game, constantly ascending but the major difference is there is no ‘game over’.
Thankyou Susan you offer a great reflection for me to look at how I am with different people and do I change with those people. At times I would still say yes but thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I am learning how to be me in the world and with others equally so and not put on different masks to fit in.
What a fabulous point Ariana! I always saw it as not trusting the other person to not react to me in my full light, yet it’s actually about me trusting in myself to stay with me and not let ME down in those situations.
I agree Sue, as students of Universal Medicine responsibility for me to be at least honest, is a key towards being true.
Thank you Susan for such an open and honest sharing. I love how you share that even though there are things to look at and that you are not perfect but you still, through your choices and honesty now know that you are powerful and awesome.
Thank you Johanna for your comment. It is lovely to feel that without perfection we can still feel our power and awesomeness, and it is through being able to feel what I am that I can slowly start letting go of what I am not. The things that I allow to come into my life and distract me just divert me from building a relationship both with myself and with God. Searching for perfection will only take me further away from God.
Thank you Susan for this amazing blog, which I like to read again and again :o)
You raise a great point here Susan when you share “I am not holding back and guarding myself and consequently others do not have to guess what it is I am feeling and thinking.”
Susan, it is indeed important to express with clarity and love and leave the sympathy out and for that we have to stand up for ourselves and express from what lives in us. It is interesting to read that you made a distinction with expressing in your family and to your friends, and I can relate to that, but that at the end they seemed to be both not true. Bottom line is that it is about being honest to oneself and to truly connect to what we feel and that we allow ourselves to express from there and not from the biased reaction that is expressed from our ingrained behaviours we have lived.
Hi Susan – this blog is filled with such honesty and is revealing for me. I can feel that sometimes I say things to a friend or colleague because I know it is a way to engage with them but what I am saying is not always coming from a place of love within me and the connection I make with them is superficial. Why am I holding back my awesomeness? A question I need to ponder!
Hi Susan, I love how you express yourself.
‘I am not perfect but this does not take away from the fact that I am a beauty-full, power-full and a play-full human being.’ Being perfect has a finality to it doesn’t it? …..and we are forever evolving so without the perfection we continue to grow and deepen our connection with ourselves and others. Wow what an opportunity.
It is so beautiful to feel how the world is literally changing the less you guard yourself.
For me it was a big thing to feel that it was not others rejecting me, but me rejecting me and building walls around myself so that I would not get hurt. Getting rid of these walls takes time and love, but the view without them is so stunning – incredible what I have been hiding from.
I have two sisters, and until about ten years ago I used to talk judgmentally with each one about the other one. I never felt comfortable with it but found myself drawn in. Since becoming a student of Universal Medicine I have absolutely refused to join in, and the relationship between the three of us has changed and become gentler and more understanding. It only needs one to expose what is happening and the whole energy of the relationships changes.
Hi Susan. When we express in ‘a simple, clear and honest way’ it allows us to truly present us to another and there is an opportunity for a deeper connection in the relationship. It is not always easy as I have learnt, as there are always old patterns and ways that try to find their way back in, but as I stay open and keep taking responsibility for myself and my expression I find that I stay ‘me’ with everyone I speak to.
Hi Susan
Thank you for sharing the patterns we have developed when communicating with different groups of people. I have noticed this in my own life and I am now more committed to be being ‘me’, which does not change no matter whom I am speaking to.
‘I am not holding back and guarding myself and consequently others do not have to guess what it is I am feeling and thinking.’
This is very powerful, Susan, as we when we are ourselves and not hide we have a lot of power.
Susan i’ve had a similar experience in that the way I meet people has certainly varied. I’ve felt however just how much of a box I put myself in when I do that and the real me, the one without the “face” then becomes void of the picture. It’s a very different feeling when the real me – without the box or the tick list of what I choose to conform to is there.
Love the fact that the depth of our honesty can have such an impact on all of our relationships
I love your blog Susan Lee, as it show the move towards honesty leads to living a life of responsibility and if we all lived this way there would be true change in the world.
Thank you Susan, I have found that when I was myself with others they were able to relax and be themselves too. It feels exhausting to try to be somebody that you are not, and I have found it more natural and easy to just be myself.
Thanks for sharing Susan. Great reminder to be very aware how we express to others and to feel when we change with different people. As Zofia says, it can be in a tone of voice when we pick up the phone and talk to a certain person. Makes me realize how important it is to not make any distinctions between people we meet. Meet them all equally and let them in.
We do have a tendency to want to blame, I do for one. What I realise is there is so much harm done when we blame another not just to them but also to ourselves, all because we simply don’t want to be responsible for our choices. Thank you Sue.
Yes it is true we can waste so much time not being who we are, which is crazy because who else could we be? And also we are all so gorgeous when being ourselves!
Thank you Susan for bringing the awareness to how much time we do indeed use and the energy we waste in preventing the world from seeing who we truly are. No wonder there is so much exhaustion in existence today.
Thank you Susan your article highlights just how much we can and do measure or control situations and relationships to give off or feed a certain habit that keeps us safe. I find this similar to ‘telephone voices’ and how our voice can often change according to the family, friend or colleague/client. When we’re aware of it, it feels so natural to then be the same as with everyone.
awesome! It really makes sense to express our truth wherever we go. I can really relate to this blog. and I love what you write about “letting the world see You in full, letting them see all of you” i found this really inspiring.
Thank you for showing truthfully our tendency to change to fit in with others rather than consistently expressing from our true self… I will have a greater awareness of this now that you have bought it to my attention.
I know that I too can have different ways of expressing around friends/work/family, and have also been learning that to truly be myself all the time means being more open and honest with everyone. This way I don’t have to waste energy trying to put on an act and it also can show others that they can just be themselves as well.
Giving and receiving sympathy as well as being a co-conspirator in discussing another, as in gossip, are great ways to avoid feeling what is going on inside ourselves. I know I spent many years thinking this was sharing and being close to another, but in actual fact I was avoiding my true self and therefore any true relationships. Through meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and with the loving support they provided, I was able, over time to accept and let go of that which was holding me back. I now communicate from a much deeper, more spacious place in myself. What joy there is in being yourself with yourself, and with others!
More great insights Susan, I feel there is so much to explore in the way we communicate with others.
I can relate to the hiding of some parts of life or how we feel, a great reminder this blog. Also to the being different in your communication with certain people. This has nothing to do with the other people, but with something that I project on them, thinking that I can not share all of me.
Yes, how very exposing our choice of expression can be with different people. Self honesty is the only way to truly overcome measuring how we are with others and communicating for a self-imposed ‘need’ in the interaction, and instead be a true and clear reflection of who we truly are.
“There was so much blaming as I did not take any responsibility for my part in what was going on”… I know this so well Susan, having spent years blaming others (especially my parents!) which only kept me stuck in ignorance, and going round and round, never moving forward or evolving. In taking responsibility for my life and all my choices, I broke free from this prison called ignorance
Great read and a way forward in communication. It also shows how easily we can hide in communication. Even though we communicate we might not be communicating what we truly feel therefore use the communication as a disguise.
“I am not holding back and guarding myself and consequently others do not have to guess what it is I am feeling and thinking.” My experience of this is that it just opens people up and a true connection can be made… that, is what we all were searching for.
‘In doing so we can relax and be ourselves and have a great time. It feels as though I have wasted a lot of time not being myself!’
It is never too late to start being ourselves and have fun!
How simple it actually is being ourselves and how much we put effort in not showing it all. Thanks for your honest and revealing sharing.
I have a lot of fun observing myself in how I am with others and loving the unfolding in it.
This blog also strikes a chord with me. I spent a lifetime, well 60 years at least, speaking what I felt was acceptable to the listener and had a multitude of ‘faces’ I could adopt for various groups of people. After meeting Serge Benhayon and attending Universal Medicine events, I gradually started to heal my hurts and to no longer put on a false face. Like you, I learned to express myself in a simple, clear honest way that truly represents who I am inside. This occurs naturally as we live more and more from love and allow our true self to express, when we are open to meeting all others equally and no longer live a ‘measured life’, when we just relax, be ourselves and have a glorious time.
” a measured life” sums it up perfectly Anne! It is measuring every expression to fit every situation for every person that you talk to to! and that actually hurts us!
Thank you Susan, it is so much easier to tell an elaborate story to gain sympathy isn’t it!! a well worn path I feel for me too in the past. The esoteric practitioners were the first ones that told me I was doing a disservice to myself and to those I loved in my life. The way Universal Medicine workshops encourage self responsibility makes an enormous difference to family dynamics and Serge Benhayon has really presented to me what love in a relationship is about. It certainly isn’t about me being a victim or me always being right… and I didn’t know there was another way!
I can relate to what you have uncovered here Susan. Giving sympathy and wanting sympathy myself is how I have related to friends and family a lot of my life. Through the teachings of Universal Medicine and Esoteric Healing sessions I have begun to uncover and let go of many of those hooks that I have been using that are not really me.
I do, after reading your blog, feel again how important it is to open up to everyone, and not put up a guard in which we try to protect ourselves. The openness that can be felt when you are in true connection is just amazing!
Lovely exposure of how we can seek something in our relationships rather than truly sharing with others. Not engaging in gossip or justification sought through emotional outpourings with friends and family does allow so much more space to connect and to be ‘relaxed’. I know, I used to feed off my righteousness concerning certain situations in life where I felt I was mistreated. I have made a choice not to engage in that sort of reaction and behaviour. Choosing to be ourselves does allow for true connection with others.
Thanks Susan for sharing. What joy there is in learning to be yourself.
Susan, thank you for your blog.
I was quite taken by the statement ‘It feels as though I have wasted a lot of time not being myself!’
I was recently pondering on ‘wasting time’ and had concluded that I was not too much of a time waster, with respect to things like spending long hours watching TV etc. However this response was based merely on what I did or achieved over defined time periods of days, weeks and years and was conveniently against measures to which I could tick boxes to convince myself ‘I am doing OK’ (despite this not being how I truly feel!). When I re-pose the statement to as ‘time wasted not being myself’, it is a completely different story, for if I honestly answer the question ‘how much time do I currently live in each day (or week, year, decade or whole life!) being myself?’ the answer is very little.
This feels a bit (very!!) uncomfortable, but beautifully offers an opportunity to take a greater responsibility and commitment to make changes in HOW I live and express, which I look forward to practically applying and exploring further. Thank you!
Thank you, Susan, for bringing up this serious topic with such simplicity and joy. Being around Serge Benhayon, Miranda and their family and experiencing the Australian student body extended family is an awesome reflection of how loving, honest and accepting, amazing and fun we can be as well as how much it hurts when we are less then our true selves.
Thank you Susan for sharing your insight into expression. It’s very powerful to become aware of how you/we all are when expressing with different people and then to ponder on why there is this difference.
Thank you Susan for sharing. It has got me feeling into when I was a child; no one wanted to hear about what was seen or felt. If I did say what I truly felt I was laughed at or chastised. I learnt to hold back what was truly felt and what I really wanted to say. I ended up just saying what they wanted to hear, so to be accepted and liked. Then that pattern became the norm. So now, I too am breaking out of this and being fully present, and love and welcome honest truthful communication.
Your comment Nat reminds me of how much I used to share as a child that seemed to freak out the adults in my life. They thought I was odd, so l learnt to stop saying those things. I too am breaking out of this deeply held belief and gently expressing myself with a new and at times surprising confidence, all thanks to studying Universal Medicine.
Lovely to read about your road to self-responsibility Susan. I know that sympathy pattern very well. It feels amazing to let go of it and be honest with ourselves and others.
Thank you Susan, this morning I was lying in bed and thinking what would the day be like if I was being me with no holding back and I found your blog – I love it when that happens.
You have made it very clear how sympathy is the most harmful thing we can give people, Susan, it stops the potential for the other to really take a look at their life and open up to the hurts they have been hiding, or the behaviour of blame they have been harbouring, and empower themselves by taking charge of those reactions.
This is true Joan along with the harm this does to you and your own body.
So true, Amina, when I do fall into that old way of sympathising I can feel my whole body change, from its posture, which becomes contracted yet soft and leans towards the other person, to my cells, as I can feel a chemical change. I no longer hold myself in myself and for myself in a balanced and integrated way, and it feels horrible. My wonderful body tells me what I am doing even if I haven’t noticed it myself!
“It feels as though I have wasted a lot of time not being myself!” Oh yes I wasted a lot of time not being myself and even now I sometimes do but now I know how to come back to me and open up again. The joy of being myself with others is wonderful to feel, so free and playful, wonderful.
Great blog Susan, you’re right we can waste so much of our time not being our true selves.
I can really relate to this, Susan. My way of hiding what I was feeling and to make contact, I used a subject that was ‘safe’ for me, where I felt an ‘authority’ about it. Thank you for being so honest.
Thank you for your blog, Susan. I really related to what you said about falling into an old pattern of relating to another so as to feel connected. This is so true of the many ways of connecting with others. We at times are so desperate for connection as we miss true connection so badly, that we are willing to compromise and walk away from what is true. I know when I do this now, how yuck it now feels in my body and I now have amazing markers of truth in my body to compare it to and choose differently.
Thank you Anne Marie for reminding me that it does feel ‘yuck’ in my body when I compromise from a sense of need. Over the months since I wrote this blog I can feel, and appreciate the changes I have made and how differently I now express myself. I also appreciate all the support that is available to me when I reach out and connect truly.
Blame is a great way to avoid responsibility. Realising this has helped me to always look at my part to play in difficult situations and relationships, it has been ground breaking in allowing me to change them.
That is so true Laura – blame is a tool that I used in what felt like self defence, when what I was really doing was reacting and then attacking another because of my own lack of self-worth and love. When I began to take responsibility for my actions the world felt a much lighter place as I let go of the blame.
Laura, Totally agree with you, we can so often use blame, rather than accept our responsibility and the part we may have played in creating difficult situations.
Better to be open and honest in all our dealings in life.
It is crazy to me how much pressure we put on ourselves to present a facade. Learning to accept and love myself the way that I am has allowed me to discover a deeper truer sense of myself.
This is so true Jinya – I have realised how much pressure and energy has been invested in creating and maintaining a facade when all I needed to do was to go within and everything I would ever need would be there for the asking. It is something that at times I need to remember as I can still become caught up in the hurly burly of life.
Susan I relate to this, it describes so much of my life – exhausting I must add! The sessions and support are a great space to build that trust about being myself again – and then learning to take that back out into life at work, at home etc..
Thanks Ariana – it is a timely moment to read your comment as I prepare to gather with my family today. I will remember your words and seek ‘that true connection of one equal heart to another equal heart.’
Thank you Sue for this beautiful and honest sharing – so inspiring to read and to feel it is ok to just be ourselves and treasure this with tenderness and love.
I recognise this so well Sue, observing myself from the outside and how I must appear to others to fit in with them, instead of remaining inside and connected to myself looking out. In the first way we cannot receive all the gifts the relationship could bring as there is no way we can be connected with out hearts and allow them to be open. The second way, connected to the heart, allows it to open itself and receive the whole person, as it allows us to reveal all of ourselves to them; this second way creates true honesty, intimacy and opens the opportunity for deeper understanding and expression.
We all need to take full responsibility for our actions in life. We need to think carefully before we blurt out something that could be hurtful to another person. I used to be as stubborn as a mule and hold things inside of me. I have learnt so much from Universal Medicine to be open and honest in all my actions, so as not to hurt anyone.
This blog contains so much, you speak of that desire for a deep connection but how we can default to common ground, how often I do that, use small talk to keep things buried, not acting real. It is as you say, such a waste of time and completely draining.
Thank you, Sue. I am only starting to really appreciate the deep connection to truth that I can have when I am willing to be open with my family, and our relationships are becoming more real and supportive the more we all open up, rather than stubbornly remaining identified with our hurts.
I can relate to being guarded and not totally honest in conversations with others for fear of what they might think of me. I was always trying to fit in and be nice. Its much easier being me most the time (I can still fall back into those old patterns). It takes up far less energy and connecting with each other from a more honest place feels so much better.
Yes Debra, it is much easier ‘being me’. I too can fall back into old patterns, but the more I can express from who I truly am the old patterns are losing their hold and making way for a way of life that feels expansive. It does feel as though we are all expanding and at the same time becoming closer, in terms of the intimacy we are building in our relationships.
Thank you Sue for sharing this so beautifully and honestly. I can relate to so much of what you say and am learning about expressing honestly also.
It feels so lovely and flowing when I share from this place of truth and love and is gentle in my body when I do and I can feel this as I talk. I am also feeling how it does not feel right when I slip into old ways and patterns and hear myself speaking from a distant place of false conversation; I do not like what I feel and it as an ouch for me to see and learn from. It is a work in progress, a great healing and feels very loving.
Thank you Tricia for your beautiful and expansive response. I particularly found the way you described how we ‘slip into old ways and patterns and hear myself speaking from a distant place of false conversation;’ as this so precisely and fully describes how it feels when we are not truly aligned to our truth and allow other influences to impose.
Sue this is very honest. It takes a lot of honesty to see what you have seen. I could really relate to all you have said particularly “When I expressed myself to friends there was a feeling of familiarity – but it was different to how I expressed myself in my family. Talking with friends there was more equality, but the same lack of honesty. I would use my friends as a sounding board when blaming my family for my woes where I became the ‘victim’ who “had so much to put up with”. I completely forgot I used to do this, find familiarity with others so I became a ‘victim’ and others became perpetrators to make me feel better and justified .. oh how incidious and horrible. Honesty is a great healer.
As you say Vicky, honesty is a great healer – it is so much more confirming of who we truly are and builds our sense of self worth and love.
We can all hold back and not let people see the real person we are. Just be true to yourself and let your body feel what is right. You will know it, when you feel it inside of you. You express your feelings so well, but are so open and honest about it. We can all learn from each other in so many ways in this life.
Thank you Mike for your comment – once we begin to open our hearts learning different ways of expressing becomes more natural and it is so much more fun when we learn from each other and share the experience. We stop holding back and find out that the world is as open to us as we are willing to allow it to be.
We find our own innate beauty, and this is the beginning of a wonderful relationship with everyone and everything around us, including God. Without God, how would this amazing life that we have been given make sense?
I used to waste a lot of time and energy too, gossiping to friends and complaining about other people or situations and all the ‘injustices’ of the world. The whole time I did that , the only thing that changed is that I became more and more exhausted and all my issues that were undealt with were buried even deeper. Through sessions with Universal Medicine practitioners and workshops I have been able to let go of this easy way out that was really harming because it just spreads the emotional suffering to other people and no one is ever inspired to change.
This is so true Michael, it is so amazing once we realise and come to terms with how much of our life we have spent in draining our energy in this way – and as you say all we achieved was to bury our issues deeper, until our bodies could not cope any more. Now the coping has gone and there is a lightness and play-fullness to life – this feels truly joy-full.
Expressing from who we are is so much more beneficial to ourselves and others. Thank you Susan
Yes Anna and we feel a lightness and tenderness within as we have time to appreciate ourselves.
Thank you Susan, for a very honest and beautiful blog. I can relate to it so much.
Thank you Maryline, I am finding that there is great beauty in honesty – and new depths of honesty that I have not been aware of in the past.
Susan it made me laugh the last line, ‘It feels like you have wasted a lot of time not being yourself’… I laugh because I can relate to it so much. In that time not being ourselves we experience what is not our Truth so when we are in our Truth it is even more amazing because it is such a far cry away from not being us that is seems ridiculous why you would choose it.
Thank you Natalie – it was lovely to write that last line, as it feels so much lighter when we reach a point of truth with ourselves. I found that once we have that awareness of what is not our truth, it gives us an amazing marker and from that point we become more aware of how often we slip back into old familiar patterns, until we build a truth that is at a deeper and more sustaining level.
Thank You Susan
I used to call this leading a ‘double life’ because it was so different how I was with my friends and how I was with my family or those I saw in authority.
A very fake and phoney way to live was really killing me inside as it just was not me.
Today thanks to the life and work of Serge Benhayon I have a deeper understanding of the harm I was doing to my body by not being the real me. Now I speak my truth and feel I am me and I don’t change my tone or expression no matter who is in front of me. I know that this is the only way to live and it really brings Freedom.
It is so beautiful to finally find ourselves and the truth of who we are, which as you say brings a freedom that is beyond anything I could ever have dreamed. Life has a completeness now and I can feel this in the way that I am more fully myself with people and this expands the depth of friendship that we experience.
Bina – so true about the double life.
I used to feel like a chameleon – totally changing and adapting depending on who was around or what game I needed to play. What version of me best suited the other person. Crazy to think that was such a huge part of my life – and the real me was saved for the confines of my home! Its amazing how there is such a deeper way of living out there that has been free for us to choose all along. For me this blog is a great reminder to not change for anyone. And present who I am in all areas of my life no matter who is or is not around me!
Thank you for your comment hv – it is amazing once we begin to realise how we have lived life in a way that became so complex that even we didn’t know who we were let alone our friends! I recall how I was aware that with different friends I was exposing a different part of me but accepted this as a given and a natural thing, which is what it became for me. I feel it was all part of me creating an identity outside of who I truly was. It’s great to be finding me at last.
Thank you Susan, for reminding me of the my habit of editing what I say
to suit the recipient. Your “using friends as a sounding board” phrase is so apt!
On reading your blog again I’m realising that I have to be constantly aware not to slip back into old patterns when dealing with different people. Thanks Susan for the great reminder.
I know what you mean Kevin – this need to constantly ‘be aware’ is building, as I become more committed to living a life that is expansive, open and true. It is lovely when others reflect back to us and we can feel where and when we need to be aware. It is great to be connected and communicating!
Hi Susan, thanks for this top blog. I love how you say ‘expressing from this place is much more freeing’. From never expressing and holding back to where I am now, I can really relate to this. Expressing from just being me, with no hidden agenda or fear, just the truth, is truly awesome.
Hi Tim – it is truly awesome when we can reach out and connect both to God and in that another human being – it confirms the one-ness that we are all searching for. I am finding that it is a time of ongoing change and exploration of how I have been in the world and how truly wonderful it can be when I embrace these seemingly small changes. My world expands and I am filled with wonderment at the majesty of life and all that it holds for us.
This is such a lovely article Susan, I love where you wrote, ‘I’m not holding back and guarding myself and consequently others do not have to guess what it is I’m feeling and thinking’. And ‘In doing so we can relax, be ourselves and have a great time’, so inspiring, thank you.
Thank you Rebecca – I spent so many years expecting others to guess what I was thinking and not realising how truly healing it can be when I begin to express who I am, and how this brought to me the connection I was so wanting.
Blaming others for the walls we have put up leads only to negativity and more excuses for us to keep the walls up. I have recently felt that being willing to drop the walls and use all that energy and effort on holding everything together on being me is hugely power-full.
Thanks Leigh – I love what you say – and as you say blaming others never offers us an opportunity to change these patterns that are only harming us and those that we are blocking out of our lives. I know for a long time I used blame and the walls I built as a way to keep other people out of my life and then was puzzled why they didn’t warm to me. And then I had a realisation that it was me! As I opened it allowed others into my life and together we can express all that we so wanted to express and didn’t know how to.
It’s madness that all we are craving is to feel the love within and around us, yet build these walls as defense mechanisms just in case we are not delivered what we need or in the way in which we want it. It is a blessing to understand that it begins and ends with us and how we are with ourselves and others.
It certainly is a blessing Jenny, not only does our understanding help to make sense of our lives but it allows us a moment to stop and expand from this point and open to embrace new ways to approach life.
Great blog, what a lot of effort we previously put into not being responsible, blaming others and how freeing it is when we choose to start taking responsibility for our own lives/actions/feelings. Thanks, Susan.
So true, Judy it is wonderful once we begin the process of true responsibility. For so long I was responsible for everyone else around me and was a martyr to this way of living life, becoming driven and ‘superior’. True responsibility gives us such freedom to live a life that is true and honourable and allows those around us the choice to do the same.
So true Judy, it is crazy how much effort we put in to not being responsible and blaming others.
I loved reading this Susan – I could feel how true it is that we choose to express differently with different people. How freeing to let go of that and simply bring all of us to every situation and everyone we meet. I can feel that absolute joy in that.
So true Jane, it feels so different when we express with more of a sense of equality and wholeness, hence being true to ourselves and honouring the other person.
A great sharing Susan, so beautiful how we can make shifts in our lives as we become open and honest.
Thank you for mentioning honesty as I am gradually realising that honesty is a word that has become bastardised as we have become disconnected from our true connection to our inner heart that will not lead us astray. In this bastardisation it has become something that is forever changing in that what today is my honesty, tomorrow I may need to change and re-explore whether it was ‘truly honest’ or just a convenient honesty that has suited me in that particular moment. As you say Amita, it is beautiful how we can make these shifts in our lives and become open and more able to be truly honest.
Thank you Susan for the honesty you present. To reflect and see how we have expressed dishonestly is a great place to begin the return to honest expression. I know in the past I have seen friends and shared things to ‘get them on side’ so to speak and to justify my feelings when actually what is required is for me to take responsibility for myself and look at my feelings and deal with them from there, rather than continue on in the cycle of perpetual hurt. The presentations of Universal Medicine have offered huge support and inspiration in taking the steps towards self responsibility and honest expression.
Thank you Beverley for your comment, it is so lovely when we begin to see the patterns that have held us back for so long and how we used and manipulated our friends to keep us in what we felt was a comfortable and safe place. What I am beginning to realise is that I was perverting the truth and avoiding the truth at all costs. Now that I am slowly coming back to the truth of who I am, I am able to start changing these patterns and to truly connect to friends and begin a new way of relating – that includes expressing my tenderness, whilst at the same time being able to discuss openly and honestly anything that may be interrupting the natural flow of my friendships.
Your tenderness shines Susan.
Thank you Susan for the honesty of your article. I really relate to the words “I am not holding back and guarding myself and consequently others do not have to guess what it is I am feeling and thinking” I have held back my expression and expected people to just know what I was feeling and thinking. In my life this has created much misunderstanding and distance in some of my relationships. As I begin to express with simplicity and honesty I am noticing a warmth and tenderness that wasn’t there before. Step by step connecting with the many people I come in contact with not just those close to me. Thank you for your inspiring article.
Thank you Anne Marie for your comment – now that I am being more honest with myself I feel more able to be honest with those around me. I am becoming far less frustrated with the world and more accepting of those around me as everything has more of a flow and I am not creating all those blocks to fully engage with the world. I am no longer standing on the outside looking in and wondering why people do not fully embrace me. As I allow the world in it feels far safer and I can express more fully who I am.
A great blog Susan – I love how you have shared your experience of how you have felt in the past that you have ‘changed faces/expression’ when you are with different people; something that is true for myself as I am sure many others.
Thank you Jessica for your comment. It is great to have this realisation and it makes so much sense of our relationships and why sometimes they work when at other times they do not work. In the past I would have put this down to the other person, but now it’s so much more helpful and supportive to both people when I can take responsibility and we both can begin the process of honesty in how we relate.
You write “as I allow that tender, precious and play-full ‘me’ to explore and experience the world in a whole new way”… I can imagine that people just melt when met with that. I too have wasted alot of time not being myself, and your blog is a great reflection for all of us of where we stop being true to ourselves.
Thank you Simon for your comment – it has re-connected me to that part of me that is ‘tender, precious and play-full’ and it is wonderful to feel that everyone everywhere has that deep inside, and knowing that allows me to connect to them and their innate qualities. For so long I have had these feelings when I meet people, but not had the confidence to express them and Wow, when I do I can’t imagine why I have held back for so long.
Thank you Susan for sharing so openly. I too am finding that I am slowly coming back to an evenness of expression with everyone as I become more willing to feel what hurts me and be more open in my relationships re what I am feeling. In that way I’m noticing less need to crumble or complain about another as the air is cleared more quickly.
Your comment is so gorgeous Shevon – I can so relate to the ‘crumbling’ – some words so ‘hit the spot’ and so beautifully express what is going on inside our body.
What I find amazing as well, is what happens when we return to these old relationships with their in-built comfort patterns, and introduce something new, like not complaining, or gossiping, or indulging. But instead choose topics with more fun and love. With this way of living I have found a deepening of those previously quite dis-functional relationships, which has inspired me to develop further relationships based on the intimacy I have with myself and then with everyone equally.
So true Shami, it is so lovely to have the opportunity to re-imprint some of those old relationships with a more loving and honouring impulse. As you say, I was also for a long time seeking the comfort of the deeply ingrained patterns that served neither me or the friendship but were just self-indulgent fantasy in retrospect – this is something that I am continually working on as those patterns have been around a few lifetimes, it feels.
It does feel inspiring to develop the intimacy that comes with the choice to be open and honest.
Beautifully expressed Shami. I too have felt the difference when returning to a previous relationship, bringing the fuller me to the situation, and how there is an immediate shift between all involved. So simple and so loving for all involved.
I have also wasted a lot of time not being myself! I have found that allowing the world to see the real me… has expanded my world.
Thank you Steve for your comment – it is beautiful when we begin to feel the expansion of our body and the world as we expand, and begin to feel lighter and less weighed down by all the deceit of not being fully and truly all that we can be when we are honest and open.
Thank you Susan, I can relate to everything you have written about. I also have had significant changes to my life since I started attending presentations by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine courses. It is as you say, taking responsibility for your actions does stop the blaming and changes the relationships in your life – you just look at things differently.
Yes, Julie, it is positively amazing how things change once we start to become honest with ourselves and see that everything out there that is happening to us, is not happening to us, but because we are not taking the ultimate responsibility for our part. The lightness that we feel and the change in our perceptions makes life so much simpler when we live responsibly, as we are not having to weave those webs of deceit any more. Weaving webs is very time consuming and wasting as we are not fooling anyone!
Thank you Susan, most of my life I have been a chameleon adapting and changing myself to fit in with my surroundings and the different people around me, but all this served was to exhaust me and confirm to people, those around me, that how they were living was ok.
After meeting Serge Benhayon and attending Universal Medicine presentations, I have claimed more of myself and the love that I naturally am. Even then I would shy away from claiming exactly how I am feeling, as Kev says above – I wasn’t fully claiming the changes I have made. By doing so not only does it confirm how I am feeling it also offers others another truer, more loving way of living. As has been offered to us by Serge Benhayon and now the greater Student Body who are living in a more loving and harmonious way.
Thank you James – how beautifully you express what I feel too. The opportunities that I have been offered since becoming a student of life with Universal Medicine are boundless – the love and humility that Serge Benhayon presents us by example, are awesome and truly life changing. How blessed we all are.
This is a great comment, James and it is very true that when you have lived not claiming what you feel for so long, it can take time to rebuild this back into your life and into trusting yourself again.
Serge Benhayon and the student body are an inspiration to us all and the world is blessed by how loving we all truly are.
The world is indeed blessed by Serge Benhayon and the Universal Medicine student body.
We are all set free when we are honest with ourselves and then can become honest with those around us.
So true Shevon, and so beautifully expressed. I am realising that honesty is something that in the past I have measured and adapted to my own convenience and it is lovely to connect to a deeper understanding of that word and to value what true honesty is and how we support the world when we are truly honest.
Thanks Sue. I too am learning not to calibrate how I am with different people as it’s great just being me.
I was recently at a wedding and my family kept commenting on how great I was looking. I didn’t fully claim this or explain that the changes I had made were inspired by Universal Medicine, all the practitioners and of course Serge Benhayon; that they had helped me bring about all these positive changes in my life in order to look this great.
I love the simplicity and clarity in the way you say ‘it’s great just being me’ – and I know it is really that simple when I can get my head out of the way. How lovely that your family could see the change and were appreciating that you were being more fully yourself. We are not only enhancing our lives but also the lives of those we meet and love – that feels like it is true love.
What a great blog post about the amazing support and reflection that Universal Medicine can provide. I would very often relate to different people in different ways and growing up was a chameleon depending on the friends, family or other people I was around. It’s lovely having a new way to express and the responsibility that that comes with. I love and can completely relate to this line “In doing so we can relax and be ourselves and have a great time. It feels as though I have wasted a lot of time not being myself!” Thank you.
Yes, David it is amazing how much time we spend creating an identification that is dependent on everything that is outside of us when all we need to do is to connect within. It has certainly encouraged me to feel into what is going on when the answer is so simple and yet it feels that everything we knew as children supported us to look outside of ourselves and ignore our own true beauty.
Thank you Sue for your honesty and openness throughout the article. A great inspiration for taking responsibility in our part in relationships.
Thank you Julie for your comment – after having held back for so long it feels amazing to let go at last, and the rest feels as though it naturally flows forth. I am still learning so much about how I express on a daily basis and the different layers that I have adopted when being honest, and starting to change the deception and manipulation that has been so much part of my expression up until now.
Thank you for your sharing Sue, it is so wonderful when we express with honesty, without looking for sympathy or any particular response.
Thank you Stephen for your comment – as you say it does feel wonderful when we express with honesty, and it is also great to feel the different impact on our body. When I express with an agenda my body becomes contracted and hard and I am no longer connected to the real me. I block the natural flow of life that we feel in our body when we are being true, not only to ourselves but to the rest of humanity.
This is great Susan, definitely something that I feel contributes to relationships becoming easier.
Yes, I agree Rhiannon, once I began to get out of the way and to stop shielding myself from the world I can allow myself to enter into relationships in a way that is not only more supportive to them but to me as well. As I allow myself to open up and connect to my tenderness I can be more sensitive in the way I express and not only does this feel so much more beautiful, but it also reflects to others that this is the natural way for us to express and communicate in the world.
Fantastic exposure… This is big for so many people… I can feel and relate how every time we are with another we have an opportunity to truly be ourselves and share this or we can hold back and make it about whatever else we find convenient!! Ouch! So lovely to hear your process as I am learning to give myself the grace of accepting how I feel and being honest in the way I am with others instead of hiding behind a false facade… as well a honouring when I feel great… And bringing this greatness to others.
Yes, Amber, I found that once I began to be honest enough to see that I was part of the whole and not a victim of life I could own what was my part. This is still a work in progress for me as I am seeing all the time the way that I hold back in expressing what is true and how I rely on the outside to impact on the way I express and how much I am willing to express, and how true to who I really am in that expression. It feels that as I expand so does my expression and that in turn expands me and impacts on the universe as a whole. I am realising that I can be amazingly power-full once I commit to making new and more life supporting choices.
Well said – we are not “victims of life”
Thank you Amina – it is really awesome when we feel to express from our inner heart that it becomes so much simpler to connect with others – and it feels that when we connect with one person we are also connecting to everyone in a one all embracing way. It also feels expansive and we can feel the ripple effect of these expressions.
Great writing Sue. I too can wholly relate to this as I am learning to express from my heart.
I am finding that expressing from the heart is such an amazing experience. It allows me to connect to all those things that for so long I have held back on expressing – all those tender, loving feelings that have been felt in my body but I was afraid to speak out aloud. When I do express them the connection to the other person is amazing – something so deep and precious, and the whole then expands. It is magical.
You feel and sound like you’re having a lot of fun with this new way Susan. Great stuff! I have begun exploring this also and it does start to take the blame out of things and the idea that we are innocent victims.
Thank you Shevon, it is beautiful to come out of hiding after such a long time and to begin to experience the world in a whole new way. I find I can do this when I am writing blogs, although I am still learning the process of allowing myself to do this when I communicate by speaking. Allowing myself to express fully out loud can still feel a little tentative. As you say, blaming others leaves us feeling like the victim of life rather than being able to take command of our lives and make a contribution.
Very inspiring, thank you. It has always astounded me how I knew exactly what to talk about with whom in order to get just what I thought I needed, be it commiseration, sympathy, support, emotionality, etc. It strikes me now how manipulative that was of other people and how self-serving when in truth, this kind of dishonesty does not serve me or anyone.
Thank you Gabriele – it feels as though we had a deal with the other person, that being that if I commiserate with you then you will be able to commiserate with me, and it is amazing once we have perspective on this at how debilitating this exchange can be. The opposite to what I have found since finding the work of Universal Medicine, which is about true honesty and being able to share our feelings from the heart and supporting one another to find a new and deeper level of honesty.
Thank you for such an honest and humble blog. The equality and humbleness are profound to feel and very inspiring.
Thank you Floris for your comment – reading it has allowed me to feel a more profound level of equality and humbleness – it is so beautiful to feel how we expand as we express and then reflect to one another around the world. When we begin the process of expressing it has the most amazing effect and we cannot understand how this ability has eluded us for so long – and can equally leave us if we stop expressing and connecting to our essence.
Loved your sharing Sue, really inspiring.
Thank you Priscila for your comment – it is always beautiful to connect with everyone reading the blog, and we all inspire one another to express from within and expand together. It feels like the ‘comments’ are a further unfolding of these expressions.
Hi Susan,
Thank you for writing such a refreshing and honest blog… I knew exactly what you were talking about as I used to do this too. To hear how you looked to changed this even though it felt uncomfortable for you is very inspiring, and shows how taking responsibility can be a very empowering and self loving thing for us to do.
Many thanks, Vicky
Hi Vicky, as you say it is so empowering when we let others into our lives – and then realise that we are all the same – that there is an amazing equality in what we feel in our essence. And besides that, it is also great fun to connect to others.
Amazing sense of self-responsibility you have, what you have written is very powerful….
Thank you for sharing Susan.
Thank you Toni, it is so supportive when we reach out and connect with others by truly expressing who we are.
Susan, this is a truly divine piece of writing. Divine in the honesty, openness and truth that you have so gracefully expressed.
I too have experienced this same way of being and expressing with close friends. In a way I see how it builds walls that keep us from truly coming together. It also becomes a comfortable way of being with others until one day for me it became incredibly uncomfortable, because my heart knew it was not the way of love.
I still see this pattern there, a choice I have each time I connect with someone be it a close friend, work colleague or family member, or just someone I pass by. I can go into what is comfortable and easy, the stories and the dramas that gain acceptance and approval, and help me to fit in, or I can as you say seek a true connection by expressing simply and honestly from me, and this comes first from that true connection with myself. Thank you so much for sharing this.
Hi Anna, thank you for your lovely, warm response. I love the way you express in your second paragraph about how we build walls that keep us from truly coming together, and how that in itself becomes a comfort.
It is amazing once we begin to stop and change the choices we make. Somehow the comfort becomes uncomfortable and, for me, there no longer was an option to keep treading the same path. I still lose my way from time to time, but with the support of Universal Medicine I can chose to come back to me.
Thank you Susan for giving words to this part of the journey into self responsibility in relationships. I certainly could relate to what you described!
Thank you for your comment, it is an amazing journey and one that is deepening my sense of responsibility. I always used to feel I was overly responsible, but now I realise that I was only interested in taking responsibility for everyone else, as this distracted me from looking into my part in what was going on.